The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Sixty

Episode Date: October 31, 2017

The boys have a big announcement to make: Live shows to round off the podcast in New York City and LA (location and date TBC). Apart from that it's just more glorious letter-writing from the listeners and Guybo ripping into Timbly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friendzone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friendzone And have a good time, yes it's the friendzone, with Tim and Guy Cause making friends is the best idea of all time Hello and welcome along to the friendzone episode 60 We are sextagenarians? Septagenarians? Septa sounds like seven Oh wait that's 70 isn't it? Oh boy

Sextagenarian Sexafarian We are sexafarians Welcome to our sexy safari Led by your two jungle guides Jungle Tim And City Guy. Yeah, I'm in the city.

I'm actually wearing one too many layers for this. You're in the concrete jungle, huh? Yeah, man, where the animals are people, and the people are animals. And everyone's fucking each other, but they keep to their stations. I can't make that more clear. Yeah, look, I haven't really got to partake in any of this local revelry here in the concrete jungle but as i understand it

whenever i go inside just orgies break out across the city and i always run out it's like grandma's or what is it grandma's footsteps and i'll come inside and i'll lock the door i'll make a big show of it and then i can hear them all having this massive orgy and I go, God damn. And I run back outside and then everyone just, they look guilty, but they also, they're all dressed and they look,

you know, they're all doing the same normal stuff. It's a confusing place, Tim. Yeah. It sounds like a lot could go wrong. Best watch your head, my friend.

Yeah. I'm watching my head. I'm doing all that. Doing all that good stuff hey welcome to the friend zone everyone uh welcome to the the round off section of this here podcast experiment that guy and i are engaging with oh let me open with this guy uh had a quick look at some paperwork did some quick math and that idea i proposed will not work of us uh shunting on season one at the end of this um i think those episodes don't get freed up until

i feel like august or something next year so uh another fine plan from tim shut down i've got a good idea this could just be a placeholder But if you teach me how to upload audio files to the stream, we could both just alternately upload just thoughts, opinions, ramblings, whatever. It would be like a voicemail box. I guess. For each other. No, I wouldn't listen to anything you say. Oh, I see.

But someone out there might want to. You wouldn't listen to anything you say oh i see but you know someone out there might want to you wouldn't listen that sounds awful that sounds like a terrible idea for a podcast i'm going to be honest with you i'm going to be brutally honest with you i wouldn't i wouldn't upload anything that was bad just good stuff yeah i'd only upload good stuff Okay well you got me there Idiot To be fair Yeah I didn't think it through

So I really answered that little problem you tried to present me didn't I Yeah you sure did You answered it well Shut it down Hey guy Would you Hey Tim Like to talk about plans or not

Yeah I think we should I think this is probably as good a time as any. Well, we still have the attention of as many as possible before you all slowly drop off. Huge announcement. Yeah, we have just secured a venue and a date for a farewell

Live Worst Ideas show here as in here from where I'm recording right now in uh brooklyn new york city we're going back to the bell house baby and uh it's going to be on november 29th that's a wednesday november 29th put it in your calendars if you're on the east coast do what you can to get here and uh we haven't got the ticketing information up yet but we'll do an announcement when we do. And second to that, within, I would say,

the week following, we will also do a live farewell show in Los Angeles, day and venue, TBC. But you'll know as soon as anyone, because you are literally a fan of this podcast. You're listening to this right now.

Wow. So that's very exciting. Fan's a strong word though isn't it you know no do you know what friend you're a friend of the podcast i mean this is literally the friend zone what's a stronger bond being a fan or a friend both or a foe when it's both working simultaneously you know that saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer maybe it's uh maybe it's both working simultaneously. You know that saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Maybe it's one of those. I don't know that saying. What is it?

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think it's in the Bible. That's a terrible saying. Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would I want to keep my enemies closer than my friends? Well, I guess there's a couple ways to read it. Number one, for your own safety, because your friends theoretically aren't going to do nothing to you.

You want to try and sugar up those enemies. What do you mean for my own safety? Don't I want my friends to be around me for support and protection? For my safety, the last thing I would do is surround myself with my enemies. But maybe if you do that, they become friends as well, you know? You bring them in tight for a little cuddle and suddenly those old enemies are new friends. I'm bringing my enemies in for a cuddle. Yeah.

It seems unlikely, but I mean, who am I to argue with the Bible? Greatest selling book of all time, I understand. Number one, baby. Number one New York Times bestseller. David writes to us, Sky. He says, howdy boyos and greetings from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Halifax is my father's name. After hearing about the podcast

coming to a close in the near future I wanted to reach out and say thanks for the years of great content along with this email I'm tossing a few dollars your way for helping me get through years of job hopping soul searching and a whole lot more re-listening to season 1 I wanted to assure you that your wish of becoming popular

in Nova Scotia back in episode 30. What? Has come true. At least I assume I'm not the only one. Probably. Keep up the great work. David Oikle. No, Oikle.

Oinkle. I wonder how you would. Yeah, that's definitely not it. How would you say O o i k l e oinkley like a pig tim oik oikle oikle oikler oinkley oikler you know some people who may uh well are you getting mad at me truly don't get mad at me. We're in the friend zone. Yeah, that's true. Oh, sorry.

You know what? You're right. I've had a very, not hostile, but combative attitude towards you so far, Tim. And that's not why we're here. Guy, I wasn't going to say anything, but right now I feel like your enemy, which means you need to keep me even closer than your friend, Tim. Tim, I would assume you didn't share that information. I think you know how I feel about keeping my enemies close.

I feel against it. Yeah, I know, but we've all got something to learn from the Bible, you know? Every one of us. Oh, big time. Greatest selling book of all time. Oh, actually, second greatest selling book of all time. What was number one?

Liza Minnelli's autobiography is that right yeah bigger than jesus that wasn't the name of the book scream that from the rooftops if memory serves as well bigger than jesus yeah my career is bigger than jesus that sounds that sounds right i'm sorry it was not an autobiography It was written by Peter Carrick But anyway that book has sold more copies than anything else in the world Incredible isn't it Truly Unbelievable you might say

Hope all is well in NZ Spelled out phonetically Just wanted to check in Oh this comes from Chris Brown Oh Chris Brown did a theme song Wow this is what the message pertains to. Just wanted to check in

to point out that while I appreciate the extra name checks, I did not do the theme song for the friend zone. Just the main show. Uh-oh. Don't want to snag credit

for someone else's work. Good luck in what the future may bring beyond a few more eps. Well, Chris, I think we've got our next podcast lined up. Tim and Guy

on a crime, well, not crime, but a mystery-solving adventure as we try to track down the musician who created our theme song. What do you reckon? Sounds great. Sounds like a lively adventure to record in audio, to put out to the masses.

And the best part is we won't do it together. We'll just record and upload our own audio at separate times, just whenever we feel like it, with any breakthroughs in the case. It's an interesting format. I'll give you that. It's a new way of thinking about things. Yeah, it's a good idea. Thank you, Tim.

May I? And thank you, Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kyle has dipped his or her toes into the pool and written thus hey tim to stella an esteemed character actress and fugitive from law margot martin guile don't quite get that reference but i'm sure it's very clever i thought i would send one last message before the podcast ends, not only to send a final message of support, but also to conclude my own worst idea journey. The past three years have consisted of me listening to a review about

grownups to a guilty, please film a guilty. Oh, I assume that's supposed to be pleasure guilty pleasure film of mine once a week for a year. Then listening to review of sex in the city to a film I have never seen nor ever plan on watching once a week for a year then listening to a review of sex in the city 2 a film i have never seen nor ever plan on watching once a week for a year and then not only listening to a review of we are your friends once a week but joining in and watching along so many hours wasted on zach

effron and the rest of the fuck boys but it was worth it just for the moment in wellington and the live show where i was able to incorrectly but close enoughly call out the first line of the film cementing my voice in the podcast history forever good on you Kyle but you know no one likes a gloater at this point we have seen it 56 times due to a complete uh due to a couple of drunken circumstances following the 52nd watch but hopefully I never have to see it again and in an attempt to cancel over the wasted out the wasted time i am now watching two films a week that i haven't seen before and so far it has been successful but nothing will ever make me forget about the time spent with you boys meeting you

two after the live show was a dream come true and i definitely would like to thank you for your genuine friendliness and love for the fans we love the fans guy ever since i received my patty schwartz t-shirt it has consistently been the t-shirt i wear when i head into town on the weekends and i'm excited for the moment someone recognizes it suggesting guy montgomery that that hasn't happened yet in our hometown ish of wellington disappointing can you repeat that one more time sorry he wears a patty schwartz t-shirt into town on the weekends and he's excited for the moment when someone recognises it, which I think suggests that it hasn't happened yet. Oh, actually, he goes on.

It hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it's coming. I'm absolutely excited about whatever happens after this journey and 100% will follow you guys to your next project, whatever it may be. Good luck for the final watches. Live every moment, love every day, and whatever you do, don't get sushi on Mondays because fun fact all the fish markets are closed your bro kyle smith ps thanks to tim's bad review of richard link letters recent film everybody wants

some i checked it out and over the past year i have watched it multiple times in my own accord due to my absolute love for it so thank you for the anti-recommendation it has led me to discover my favorite ish film of recent years probably just behind baby driver and the nice guys also thank you guy for remembering my name when we met at the wellington live show looks like you're not a real piece of shit after all um kyle you need to adjust your film watching habits i humbly suggest what no one of them i understand the i don't think you should watch the movies we're watching but by the sounds of things to me uh he's allowed to watch other movies and enjoy them even though you don't yeah that's totally fine but i don't know just watching stuff multiple times what's that about that is literally why we're having this conversation well you're not wrong

there this wouldn't exist this conversation. You're not wrong there. This conversation wouldn't exist without that habit. Do you know, Tim, my backpack's on the bed next to me where I'm recording. Oh, no, I've shattered the illusion that I'm in a high-end studio. Oh, shit. Guy, we worked really hard to build up that image in people's head that you're in a highfalutin audio record studio. You've ruined it and i've shattered it on this pre-recorded podcast if only there was some way we could bury this information but

alas it is too late so what's happening with your backpack a drink bottle really i just i haven't used it for a week i got caught in a i got caught in a cloud when i was biking over williamsburg bridge and i mean that quite literally i was in the middle of a very angry cloud. And everything I was wearing became very wet. And not least the backpack. But the backpack got even wetter with grimy water. Because when you're riding a bike in the wet, it spits up, doesn't it? The back tire spits up all sorts of things.

And that's how you get that sort of uh long flecky shit stain from the in between your shoulders all the way down to your butt you know what i'm talking about a lovely grime that you can only achieve on a bicycle on a wet day my my backpack has since dried out and the grime i mean while admittedly i know that the water from whence it came is dirty street water it's giving it quite a nice i don't know if film is the right word but it's sort of got it's nice and uh it's quite thick and it's keeping its shape quite nicely i guess crusty is the word why am i telling you this i guess because i trust you it sounds like there's that's quite a lot of water that's been put on that their backpack yeah it's wild i'll send you a little photo of it oh that sounds good this sounds great buddy this is a new backpack no you've seen it's old oh green one

old trusty old trusty i love it i do love it it's got a great uh slot at the back where i put my laptop and big uh diary. I carried them there. Yeah, I'll bet you slide those in. I'll bet they fit perfectly. They do fit perfectly. And do not use that tone of voice with me, young man. Joel writes... This next... Oh, I was going to do one.

No, you go. Well, this one's... It's a link. And I've opened the link, but it's nine minutes long. It's a YouTube link, the title of which is 73 Questions with Zac Efron by Vogue.

And the message from Matthew reads, If you've got nine minutes, pretty enlightening. The dude's obsessed with Sublime. Might have something to do with that haunting scene from We Are Your Friends. So even without watching it, but in that little message, we've got a good little bit of know bit of intel about zicoli holy shit i i've popped that up in a separate tab and you bet you a sweet fanny i'm going to be watching that after this podcast record concludes

something to look forward to yeah it's good to have a little treat to look forward to it is isn't it i guess the treat is talking to you guys sorry treat to look forward to. It is, isn't it? I guess the treat is talking to you guys. Sorry, I mischaracterized what this is. I apologize. No, it's okay. My treat is I started watching Chairs yesterday. Have you watched Chairs before?

I have watched Chairs. Not sort of recently, but more when it was a television product. How good is it? It's really good fun. Yeah, it's a lovely little show. Have you ever watched Mad About You? No, I remember it was on when I was a boy. Yeah.

There would be ads. Was that with Helen Hunt? Yes. Yes, it is. And Paul Reiser, who's popped up on the second season of Stranger Things. And it's just like, oh, fucking check that out. Paul's here. Was Helen Hunt a movie star then?

Or did she become a movie star from that? I think that might have launched her career into Twister territory. Man, I hope it is Helen Hunt. I'm fairly certain it is. Because it would be odd for... It's not common that a movie star will then just settle into a syndicated television show.

The trajectory is usually the opposite. Yeah, it is Helen Hunt. And I think maybe this kicked her into some films. But you bring up an interesting point. Because she, you know, she was probably in her 30s when she did Mad About You. It's about like a married couple who have been together for a while.

But in saying that, that is the old model of Hollywood now. I think the newer model is, because TV, you know, all these people with the internet, they write articles saying TV is the new movies. And I'm like, no, it's not. Movies are movies and TV is TV.

What you mean to say is TVs are now better than movies. They're not the new movies. Man, you're sure showing those cultural commentators aren't you but do you think that helen hunt was so ahead of the curve that she she kicked this whole phenomenon off she was like no i wouldn't put it past her what a clever helen hunt clever woman is a weapon yeah dude twister i think from memory, was about 96. And Mad About You was before then. And I don't know what movies she was in apart from Twister.

That's literally the only film I can think of that's got Helen Hunt in it. Was she in that movie with Mel Gibson? Which one, buddy? What's On Her Mind. The movie where Helen Hunt's on her mind. What Women the movie where helen what's on her mind what women want yeah i think that was like kind of the log line you've just said as the title but i love it you've cut out the middleman no confusion there what's on her mind it's like that's what it was called in Japan or something.

Yeah. No, I've looked up her wiki and she was in What's On Her Mind. That was 2000. So I mean, she did Cast Away. But no, Mad About You was the launch of her career. Right. Way to go, Helen Hunt. Hey, well, I just want everyone to know

that Paul Reyes is back and he is legitimately better than ever. It was so good to see him. God, it was good. Okay. Well, that's good. i ain't seen none of that shit so don't tell me i'm not telling you anything but let me just say he's aged incredibly well he looks spectacular damn it that is a spoiler and you know it too that's what shits me spoiler that is a massive spoiler man hey joel writes to us hey there brave boys the podcast touched my life in an odd way recently a co-worker told me that my small flyover city just got a blaze pizza

now guy i'm pressing pause are you familiar with the term flyover city uh yeah it's like a in new zealand we call it a i don't know drive through a shitty town yeah somewhere that you wouldn't usually stop i was flabbergasted she might as well have told me that we just got a got a good burger so divided was my mind on what exists in the real world and in your podcast universe i was very excited about this new development and then realized that she thought i was excited about the pizza i then felt i had to explain that yes i was excited but no i would not be buying their pizza and not until they hashtag pay the boys at least blaze pizza could burn down in 90 seconds for all i care but i was very happy it existed but also screw them she was very confused and there was

no way i could explain the entire backstory, so we just left it at that. Thanks for all you do. I can't wait to see what's next. Say my name, Joel Kun. And Joel has sent us, Guy, are you sitting down? Yeah. $50 American dollars.

Oh, my gosh. That's so good. I also just realized I haven't seen a single blaze pizza since i've been in new york and i've been covering i've been pounding the pavement man holy shit have i guess new york city is a place that would resist blaze pizza because they've got i mean they've kind of clocked pizza they've got the best pizza in the world yeah i did a i committed a war crime on uh saturday night i was coming back from a hallow Halloween party and I couldn't find anywhere to eat so I went to a Papa John's.

How did that go? Oh man, no good. No good at all. I had to get a whole pizza because they don't do a slice and I was so tired and hungry so I hadn't really had dinner and so I ate half of this pizza on the street

like a rat. the street like a... Like a rat. Yeah, like a rat. And then I just put it down on the ground outside of the store and left it. Oh, guy. Someone will have found it. Did you dress up for this party? Yeah, I dressed up as a sexy pizza delivery guy.

Oh, mean. Well, I guess it all went full circle for you. Yeah, I guess it did. I didn't even think about that. Have you got a message? Yeah, I do. But before I read it, I don't want to forget this.

Do you know what? I don't know if anyone's done it before, but what I imagined when you were saying, say my name, then as if someone did the, I don't know if it's a gag or a turn phrase, but if someone goes, say my name, even if it isn't. Do you understand what I'm saying? Say it's true, even if it isn't.

Yeah. Yeah, boy, that's a grown-ups 2 reference from our man out in the field, bloody, oh, God. John Lovitz. Yeah, love him. Anyhow, as we're by the by. Dearest S. Geidel and Tim Tim, maybe a bit of a stretch on that Speed Racer reference.

Dear S. Geidel and Tim Tim, long-time listener, time listener first time caller here been on board this pain train with you since season one and holy fuck you guys or should i say holy fuck timbly for adding eight more watches of this tire fire of a movie god this guy's a good writer or lady uh you see my friends and i watch a different bad movie or two every week and play a drinking game of our own design taking a sip on every mullet, moustache, explosion, boom in the shot, just to name a few rules. Thus, we often make bad decisions on bad movie night, and it's become a point of honour to say fuck it

and just go with whatever stupid idea someone has on bad movie night. If a movie is bad, it doesn't bear finishing. A did-not-finish has to be unanimous. We call ourselves the fuck-it boys. Now, I made the mistake of watching We Are Your Friends, the Citizen Kane of our time, and let me tell you, this trashy movie about how four unlikable turds can demonstrate the futility of their existence

would 100% be a did-not-finish-on-bad-movie night. And you decided not just to watch it 52 times, but you added 80 extra watches. Follow-through on that idea is insane. The ultimate bad decision. You two are far more of a couple of Fuck it boys than my friends and I could ever be. You're good boys. You're brave boys.

You're mad boys. Sorry about the long message. I write all this to say you're a pair of real legends. Please feel free to say my name. Brian Lounsberry. P.S. I find it mind boggling that the words beer, the drink, and bear, the animal, are homophones in a Kiwi accent. What? When you were talking about bears, the animals, I kept thinking you were talking about bears, the drinks.

It shattered my brain for that entire bear animal laid in Epp you put out a bit ago. Perhaps you could use the word ursid in place of bear for us corn-fed yanks sensitive ears. Hold the fucking phone. Sorry, you finished the message first though. And then it's a picture. It's a cute young child and a cute young chimp next to each other

and matching dungarees and a hat and hats, two hats. That's great. It's probably a pop culture reference. Can people send us pictures at the end of the email if you've got the time from here on out? There's only a couple of these here episodes to go. Although I don't know what the friend zone's doing. But yeah, send us some pictures at the end.

And they don't have to be at all related to what you're saying. Just send us a picture you like from the internet. There's lots on there. There's a lot of choice. You'd love that, wouldn't you? I would. if i went just quickly i'm going to read you the blurb of something and you're going to tell me what the blurb is for okay daughter of hollywood legend judy garland liza minnelli's childhood was the prelude to a continuing battle to escape from her mother's shadow only with the tragic death of garland at 47 did she fully begin to be recognized as a legitimate talent in her own right.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, what is Liza Minnelli's biography for 500? Yeah, that is correct. That is Peter Carrick's best-selling, Liza Minnelli. I believe that book recently. Sounds like a real page-turner. Do you think you're going to hoe into that? Look Tim, I think that by definition

Unless you are reading a single page book Aren't all books page turners? Hey, you know what? Congratulations guy, you sure showed me You're absolutely right You are absolutely right Hey, can I just circle back on something though? In other dialects b-e-e-r and b-e-a-r are different pronunciations uh i'll do i'm gonna try and do an american accent and then we'll see okay okay

hey bud just a beer oh my god my God. Look at that beer. No, they came out the same. They're subtly different. I feel like they were a little bit different. Hey. That's wild. Hey. I'm always coming out like sort of Canadian.

Yeah. Manitoba-ish, you know? It's from the... Is that New England? Is that that kind of... I don't know. No, no. It's more Midwest and North, I think.

Closer to the border. Right. Closer to the border. Sort of Fargo, eh? Well, you did spend some time in Canada, so that influence is probably bleeding through. Yeah, you're probably right. Guy, if I had to guess, that was my guess.

Yeah, yeah. Bloody good. Bloody good. Bloody good. Bloody good, bloody good, bloody good. Hey, Guy, can I read you a message from Libby? Yes. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Here it is. Hey, Guy Del Monte and Timbly Wimbly. On the Harmontown podcast, Dan recently started to say,

have you heard about these two guys watching Grown Ups 2? The conversation on stage then veered into a different direction. Sounds like a good time to reach out and say hi. Hashtag Guy and Timbly, Rick and Morty. My God. Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't it be nice if Dan Harmon knew us?

Wouldn't it be cool if we talked to him? Yeah, our friend Paul Amos, who hosts a very funny show in Auckland called Talk, Show and Tell, he tipped me off to that and I said, wow, that's cool. Even though he knows we exist peripherally. Or even if he did for a fleeting moment.

That's the thing about art, eh? It just transmits, gets out there. Do you like art, Tim? I do like art. I like art for that reason. I like art for the reason that, and this is, you know, there's a lot of, I don't want to take this in too complicated

or horrible a direction, but, you know, there's a lot of things coming out about bad, particularly men, very bad men. And a lot of conversations happening about whether we can separate the art from the artist. And I hope that we find a way to do that because there's a lot of art that's been contributed to by bad artists and we should write off the artists and give them their comeuppance.

But it would be nice if we could enjoy the art afterwards because lots of other people help make it as well and some of it's uh quite good you know that is the challenge uh one track human minds have trouble distinguishing between these two things don't they one track human minds we're getting deep we're getting deep in there boys deeper than i thought we would to be completely honest i god i should hey can you just talk for a little i've really got to take off this sweater man it's it's cold outside but i'm sitting absolutely let me read a little let me read a message from dan who writes dear tim quotes guy montgomery bat excellent in episode 57 you were discussing how you couldn't remember any sneezes

in cinema and for me only one example came to mind in the woody allen film no speak of you know one of those men woody allen film annie hall woody plays if you can believe it a neurotic jewish comedian dan i can't believe that at one point's invited to... That's actually a really common role that he plays. At one point, he's... Of course we can believe it. He's invited to... It's crazy. Are you done?

Yeah, and I'm not wearing a sweater anymore either. Great. Good news all around. He's invited to a swanky Hollywood party at which he is clearly out of his element. He's offered some cocaine, which he nervously leans in to try only to sneeze and blow all the cocaine off the off the plate hollywood law goes uh

hollywood law goes that the sneeze was not in the script and was actually genuine but got such a laugh on set and in test screenings that they left it in hopefully my description of it is adequate because woody allen is an abusive piece of shit. And my advice for any of his films at this point is, to quote from my favourite boys, don't watch the movie. Hope that helps, and good luck on your remaining watches

of We Are Your Friends. Say my name, Dan Woods. Wow, Dan, what a timely email. Indeed. God almighty. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. Did you see that and sort of

tease it out like a professional not at all it wasn't even in my subconscious because i haven't opened this email before up until right now and can i say guy that he opened this hilariously you would have missed this being involved in your sweater but he has addressed the letter dear tim quote marks guy montgomery bat yeah gag of the gag of the season if you ask me. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. I'm going to read

something to you. You're going to listen to it. You're going to enjoy it. I would love that. Hello Guywood and Timberley you absolute savages.

Driving a line from NYC. All hail Brady. When I'm on the subway platform headed to work and I see a rat scuttle on by, it takes all of me not to yell, take me to your leader.

Then if they did, I can ask Brady himself how he feels about his dad being mayor of the city who's trying to take over via the power of millions of rats. But if I did yell that at every rat I saw on the subway, people would wonder some things, I'm sure. Keep on keeping on with what you're doing. P.S. I'd like to believe Brady would beat Dickbot only because he has a better knowledge of human emotion than Dickbot's basic book

on human intelligence covers, which I think gives Brady a leg up should they ever find themselves in a duel. But I guess that depends on Dickbot's combative skills versus the rats Brady

is diligently trained to conquer New York City and then the world. Either way, all hail Brady and his second place science fair prize. Wow, Abby Jean,

deep in the bowels of season two there. Fuck, I love you, Abby. I have missed the conversation and the poring over who would win between Brady and Dickbot. I could do a whole podcast series on that, I reckon. Maybe when I'm recording my little sort of mind of the things that I just put into the feed, that's what you could talk about in your ones sometimes. Why do you insist on this happening separately

and us not communicating anymore? I think people like the back and forward that we have. What are you talking about? My great podcast idea? Yeah, we'll go with that. We'll describe it as that for right now. Why do I want to do it? In that particular fashion

where we don't talk to each other. Because, and I quote, it's a great podcast idea. That's a quote from you, Tim Baird. Okay. Can I read you a message, Guy? No, hold on. Before you answer, it's from Chris. Yes.

Okay. Dearest New York guy scraper and little Tim timpire i fucked that up that was so clever it was so good and so personalized i feel like people only ever sneeze in television or film when they're hiding from someone in a closet or under a bed or something and their sneeze gives them away like in the matrix when they're hiding in the wall fuck i can't believe i i missed a sneeze in the matrix that's dead right um is it so yeah you love the matrix i think it's uh i'm trying to remember who sneezes hey tim are you gonna marry the matrix uh when i'm older oh my god he admitted it he's gonna marry the matrix and these situations are always so tense that no one ever

says bless you which leads me to wonder has anyone ever said bless you in a film? Questions abound. Kisses and wishes from Chris. Now, I can't name for you what movie this is in, but I'm sure it's happened, where bless you has been like a romantic trigger. So there'll be like a crowded space or something, lots of people, someone will sneeze, someone else will say, bless you, and then those two people end up getting together

and that was the thing that introduced them to each other. Yeah, yeah. I feel like that's a thing. Absolutely, that sounds like a fantastic, fantastically, you know, not, I don't know if common is the right word, but efficient, effective, and easy, yeah, easy vehicle to bring two people together.

Or another classic one is someone carrying drinks, maybe hot drinks or, you know, smoothies, colourful smoothies on the sidewalk, and someone bangs into them. Oh, that's classic fare, isn't it? That's good fodder. Hey, Tim, I came up with a joke recently. Do you want me to do it to you?

Absolutely. To us, man. You can help Tommy. It's more than just me and the treehouse. It's all of us. Hey Tim, I came up with a joke recently Do you want me to do it to you? Absolutely To us man You can help tell me It's more than just me and the treehouse It's all of us So the joke is I say Anywhere else

I'll be there in a New York minute Oh no, sorry I forgot Here of course You just call it a New York minute Fantastically silly yeah it's good isn't it that is good i love to laugh who doesn't uh oh god i know that there are people who don't like to laugh because i've met them like to laugh at the same time i like to laugh i bet these are people who have wronged you in

the past and now you're you're writing them off into the anals of history as people who don't like to laugh that's funny anals of history is good tim it is isn't it that's funny anals of history is good Tim it is isn't it yeah man I'm legitimately out of emails I think well I'm out of ones that I've logged that took us to about a few days ago

so we're pretty up to date on the old we've also been talking for quite a while I've got I've got one more and then shall we get out of it sounds great ok ahoy hoy gynecology thermometer One more and then should we get out of it? Sounds great. Okay.

Ahoy hoy gynecology thermometer. Given the success, story-wise, not financial, of Blade Runner 2049, I'm interested in hearing where you blokes think of each of the fuckboys will be 30 years from now. And where are your friends 2049? I mean, Squirtle will probably be incredibly decomposed by then, but the rest of them could go anywhere. More likely, they'll all go nowhere,

but you know them much better than me. And depending how much time you have to kill, pitch Sex and the City 2049 and Grown Ups 2049 while you're at it. May the forceps be with you,

Guy Incognito. Wow, do I regret reading that as the closing message? You betcha. That is not sort of the peaceful and easy jaunt down friendship lane I wascha. That is not sort of the peaceful and easy jaunt down friendship line I was imagining.

This is a creative challenge that has been thrust upon us. Well. Should we go, we'll just do, we'll go, we'll go fuck boy for fuck boy and then we'll put a pin in it, eh? Are we not going to even approach Sex and the City? Nah, look, we'll- I hate to be morbid, pin in it eh? Are we not going to even approach sex in the city? Nah I hate to be morbid

but at least a couple of them will be dead by 2049 surely What's the year? 2017 Yeah What is that 20 How many years is that from now? 22 years from now 32

Yeah Oh shit you're right yeah I can't believe when I asked everyone in Sydney who thinks I'm smarter than you I got nothing I just did that maths

in my head boom boom I can't believe that stayed with you man dude it didn't stay with me you're the one who keeps bringing it up and another thing fuck you. To quote a modern day philosopher, my dude, shake it off.

That's a Taylor Swift quote, idiot. Oh my God. I'm on fire. Yeah, you're very sassy and you're very quick and you're very funny and clever. That's my guy. So here's what's happening. Skrill is, yeah, he's worm food at this point, and he's not coming back, unfortunately.

But his ghost is. That's right, everybody. Stuck between this physical realm and the ethereal, our favorite fuckboy Squirrel is constantly trying out new fun T-shirts and spooking people because he doesn't have any legs, and he just bursts out of your closet wearing your uh funnest print um but the thing is you can't see the rest of him because he's in ghost form and he doesn't know how to project a visual element of himself but he can manipulate objects is essentially a series of floating t-shirts yeah that's right you got it

like a poltergeist but but more fun. That's great. Do you want to know what happened to Johnny Depp? I would love to. Johnny Depp did not succeed in his audition to continue playing the role of himself. Shit. And so, yeah. So there's someone else who's taken over his life now, and he actually wound up working on a small wheat commune uh sort of you know about five hours drive uh inland from the the northern easternmost point of australia

and he's uh he hasn't spoken for 15 years and that man's name? Quince. Quince John Cena. Quince John Cena. One more. Which takes us to Jarhead, of course, who has formed his own underground fight club scenario and has actually made him an exceptionally wealthy man, but with a ton of blood on his hands. So it's sort of one of those things where he's made a deal with the devil and in this Faustian bargain has found himself rich beyond his wildest dreams, but also constantly battling the demons at night, which has made him addicted to sleeping pills because he can't drift off to the land of Nod on his own accord. So riddled with guilt is he.

Jesus. Thoughts? Yeah, gutted for him. That feels like he'd be living his best self, though, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, he's happy. And as long as he's not hurting anyone which he definitely is you know shouldn't we be happy for him i guess you're right hey so but look we've been talking for about 40 minutes the big the big thing to put a line under folks is that there's going to be two live shows east and west coast of the united states of america the big cities

los angeles but first new york city and what's that date again for new york guy wednesday november 29 write it down circle it uh within two days or even i'd say 24 hours whenever this goes live we will have the ticketing information live at our facebook page we're city of all time and on both of our twitters at guy underscore mont and and can we just say this uh because i don't have a lot of chances to sound desperate on the podcast anymore. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please come and bring some people if you would

because there's nothing more savage than me coming to America to perform to an empty room. I would love that. Oh, don't put that out there, guy. Because now people are going to be torn. I know. It sucks for me because I want the show to be good, but I also want to sort of suck the wind out.

Why am I doing this to you? I feel like something's not quite going right in Guyland at the moment. And I'm happy as your friend to be your punching bag on this friend zone. But I tell you what, mister, by the time I get touched down on on american soil you better turn that frown upside down it's well i've been smiling while i say most of the stuff it's just mean stuff uh i'll do my best my bro uh in the interim I'll say this. Zace Fron, Cole Carter, DJ Cole Carter, he got slated in the reviews after Summerfest, and he went back to working on the pool at Jarhead's dad's house, his mum and dad's house,

a pool in which he still works to this day. He became obsessed with creating a perfect-looking pool, a spirit quest that has occupied his tiny mind, you know, from what, 2016 to 2049. None of them are in touch with each other anymore. It's pretty sad. I was desperately trying to Google while you talked and I couldn't remember it. Narcissus. From where the disorder gets its name.

The Greek god who looked at himself in a pool of water and fell in love with himself and then I think drowned because he fell in. I know that story, but I know it as the dog and the bone. What? The dog has and the bone. What? The dog has a big bone. And it's running around, and it loves its bone. And then it sees itself in the water.

And it goes, oh, and its head, it goes, God, that dog's got an even bigger and better bone than my bone. I'm going to get me some of that. And it opens its mouth to steal the other dog's bone. what do you think happens drops the bone yeah and it gets the other dog's bone the bigger bone and it lives happily ever after what a great moral uh see you in new york city everyone and then later in los angeles everyone's flying over to both. Yes, Guy. Where I heard that parable? Where? The Bible?

No, of course not. It's a story that Liza Minnelli tells in Peter Carrick's fantastic biography of her. Liza Minnelli by Peter Carrick. Do you think we could get Liza to come to the show in New York? Dude, it seems so unlikely. You're not wrong, but I was hoping you'd indulge me For a couple of half seconds

Longer than you did We could try and get Peter Carrick The author of over 32 books He's uh 93 years old And he lives in Stop your twitter accounts ladies and gents And he lives in Hertfordshire, England with his wife.

It's time for a good old-fashioned hashtag. Okay, well, that seems like as good a place as any to leave it for this friendzone number 60, right? What an auspicious number of friendzones. A cheeky ten half-dozers, as we say in New Zealand. See you on see you on the internet bye everybody

well it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy cause making friends is the best idea

of all time