The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirty

Episode Date: December 12, 2016

Flashbo and TimGuy are back in their friend seats with their friends in the Friendzone. We've got MacBooks at the end of their life cycle, we've got letters from Worst Idea fans, we've got A NEW MUSI...C THEME from Christopher Brown (not the bad one). Also, mediocre brothers, fantastic sisters and Guy and Tim trying to dissect each other flaws and skills. PLUS blast from the past to our Blaze Pizza sponsorship.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at littleempirepod. Hello ladies and gentlemen across the world far and wide, this is Timbo and GuyGuy. And we are recording this brief message at the top of our latest friendzone to's a very brief mention in one of the letters today about someone's very yucky boss who was engaged in terrible activity involving kids. So if you don't want to listen to that, just bail out. Don't listen to it. Totally your choice. And now here is a brand new theme song from Christopher Brown. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again?
Starting point is 00:00:42 Intro, intro, intro, intro. This movie's still fine. He's a cully bastard. One of the guys that goes through. One of them's a hot, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Max from Joseph.
Starting point is 00:01:04 You forget that films are supposed to have porn. Just can't get enough. I just can't get enough. Just can't get enough. G'day, guy. G'day, Tim. Welcome along to you as well. It's the Friend Zone. And a huge thank you to Christopher Brown.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Back again with a whole new flavor christoph abrana shall i read his message he wrote one yeah i'd love to hear it the one that accompanied this very theme song this very theme song please correct hello timber and flesh and good morning from boston i wanted to offer you a new version of the theme for the sake of variety, which as we are frequently reminded is the spice of life. I can't call this a remix
Starting point is 00:01:51 as I absolutely do not own the intellectual property behind this in any facet. So let's call the reimagining. Thank you for keeping up the good fight
Starting point is 00:02:00 and if you'd like a live performance of the theme, if you guys do on the East Coast, USA Live shows, I'll be happy to schlep to New York or wherever. Live every moment, love every day.
Starting point is 00:02:14 And damn it, just treat yourself to some weird non-coastal strip mall valley sushi. Your friend, Christopher Brown. Christopher Brown is our friend. And I would love for him to do like a live DJ set at one of our shows. I would love to him to do like a live DJ set at one of our shows. I would love to hear his voice. But all just remixes of theme songs. Of our podcast specifically. That is the genre.
Starting point is 00:02:38 You're playing to a small crowd, but a fervent crowd. You know what they like? You know? If they're here, if they've turned up, if they've schlepped all that way. Can you hear that? That fan on your MacBook. She's going hell for leather. She's pretty hot in here.
Starting point is 00:02:52 This thing is really trying to kill itself and has been for some time. She's gone around the block a couple of times though, eh? Oh, yeah. Your MacBook here. How long have you had that thing? This particular one, probably maybe three and a half, four years. I had one before it. We're going to adjust your mic if you don't mind. Just a slight. I mind. Do you want me to sit like this? Oh, that's sexy. particular one probably maybe three and a half four years i have one before i'm gonna adjust your mic if you don't mind just a slight i mind do you want me to sit like this oh that's sexy
Starting point is 00:03:09 uh yeah i know so i'm related to any audio problems it's just a new way i'm sitting uh my old macbook pro i cracked the screen and it was broke and i took it into a store and uh they said it's gonna cost three hundred dollars to fix the screen and i said you know what i'm fine with that i'll pay cost $300 to fix the screen. And I said, you know what? I'm fine with that. I'll pay you $300 to fix the screen. And then two weeks later, I hadn't heard from the store and I called them up and said, hey guys,
Starting point is 00:03:32 if I'm not much mistaken, I was going to pay you $300 to fix the screen on my MacBook Pro. And they said, oh. And they were like, your MacBook Pro. Even better, they were like, oh yeah, we've been meaning to get in touch with you about your MacBook Pro. We lost our database and also all of the physical equipment Even better, they were like, oh, yeah, we've been meaning to get in touch with you about your MacBook Pro.
Starting point is 00:03:51 We lost our database and also all of the physical equipment in our store because we got robbed. And I was like... That doesn't sound right. I was like, that sucks heaps. Well, hold on for a second. I understand getting robbed and I understand losing all your databases. I don't understand both of those things happening at once. Because your database isn't kept on site, is it? Surely you put that in a little
Starting point is 00:04:09 Google Drive, a little Dropbox? Electronic store, they sure had some archaic modes of bookkeeping. I can tell you that. Suffice it to say, they gave me a new MacBook Pro without any of my stuff on it for the price of $300. And to this day, I do not know if I got swindled or what happened.
Starting point is 00:04:29 I've not heard that story before. That's quite a journey. Did you have anything important on there that you were really gutted to lose? At the time, yes, but it's been three and a half years now, so it's all- Photos? Yeah, definitely photos. Let's rehash it. Let's get you upset.
Starting point is 00:04:42 No, no, no, no. Let's get you nice and upset. It's cool. Okay. Hey, welcome to upset. No, no, no. Let's get you nice and upset. It's cool. Okay. Hey, welcome to the friend zone, everyone. A zone where we like to acknowledge all the fabulous people who are out there helping us do what we do, which is watch We Are Your Friends too many times.
Starting point is 00:04:57 That's all we do. That's the main thing we do. I mean, outside of this, we've got lives that are fulfilling and bring joy to us and our loved ones around us. Yeah. But this is the main thing. Yeah. Hey, before we launch into some of the letters, though, we've got to say, mates, that Patreon's just going great. Can't thank you enough. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:20 The people who have... How many people are in there now who are supporting us? It was over 80 last time I checked. No, it was about 60-something, wasn't it? No, no, no. It was over 80. 80. Kind souls.
Starting point is 00:05:31 That blows my mind. 80 people willing to part with their cold hard cash on a month. Yeah, 85. Shit, yes. To part with their cold hard cash so we could have some of it. So we could have some of it. That's how the transaction works. How the transaction actually works as well,
Starting point is 00:05:45 to be even more specific and add some details, is there's lots of rewards on there for you to see. I don't think they'll need any more details. I feel like we've done a pretty good job explaining how it works. I'll give them the website if I may. That's the last detail I'll get. Because we made a good video that people are enjoying. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:59 And you can just watch the video if you want. Patreon.com slash T-W-I-O-A-T. That's right. For the worst idea of all time. That's what that is. That's what that acronym means. Yeah. Have you not known this whole time?
Starting point is 00:06:13 No, I haven't. I've been using it a lot. We've both been hashtagging it. I just thought it was a word that meant trendy, like it was an alternative spelling for trendy. Twit? Yeah. So when we'd hashtag the podcast,
Starting point is 00:06:23 I'd be like hashtag trendy is what i was thinking in my head far out never to worry about that though tim nope no time there's there really is no time do you want to jump in first i've got a lovely little donation here who's attached a letter uh okay i'll jump in first then good very good exactly as how it was planned dear boys in need of payment given that your hijinks and weekly suffering are among my sister's favorite things in the world i'd like to become a five dollar level patreon for her so that she can enjoy more of your antics each week oh this is quite an administrative email but it was marked what do you mean administrative is there a detail in there
Starting point is 00:07:00 how can i go about subscribing to your patreon but make it so that she receives the podcast every week oh okay that's pretty administrative. Yeah, that is quite. And then the second half of it was. Someone ringing? Am I ringing? Oh, I'm ringing. You're ringing.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Hold on there, Cole. You keep going. Yeah, I will. Thank you for the response. And then Tim responded because he's a good guy. Thank you for the response, Spindly. Tim, I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm a good brother. More like I'm making up for decades of being a little asshole
Starting point is 00:07:21 or at least trying. It's hard to tell if you're trying to be a better brother or have been trying to be a little arsehole. But either way, good on you for trying. I'll go ahead and follow your advice on the morning of the 25th so it'll be a surprise. I realised I kind of made it sound like she was the only one who enjoyed the podcast, but I think it's fantastic too
Starting point is 00:07:38 and it brightens my day. Keep up the good work. You're both good boys, not fuck boys. Guy, it's a phone call for both of us, so let's hit pause for a second. Okay. That was not a phone call for us, Tim. That was a lie.
Starting point is 00:07:55 That was a phone call just for you, offering you a very high-paying job in the government? Yeah. Can't talk about it, but let's just say it's not a coincidence that our Prime Minister has just stepped down. I just don't see why you had to lord it over me.
Starting point is 00:08:08 Because I wanted to put it on speakerphone so that you can hear the kind of phone calls I'm getting these days. Hey, look, I'm happy. I didn't want it to go out because that could spoil my chances of getting the job, but I did want to gloat to you individually. I'm happy for you, but that just felt specifically mean-spirited. Anyway, what was that gentleman's name who was getting his sister the Patreon sub? He didn't say whether or not he wanted to be mentioned or not. Then we shan't. Let's just say this.
Starting point is 00:08:34 His name is Rob Cumbie. Okay. All right. Well, very good. We'll all just use our imaginations and try and imagine what his name could be based on those clues. Oh, boy. I'm pretty sure you can. And that's your question.
Starting point is 00:08:53 I'm pretty sure you can put anyone's details in there and just your credit card. You know, I think that'll be fine. That's great. You should find people that you know who specifically don't like the podcast. Oh, yeah, that's good. Sign them up. who specifically don't like the podcast. Oh, yeah, that's good.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Sign him up. This comes to us from someone whose name maybe I'll read, maybe I won't, but they gave us 10 American dollars on the Pay the Boys donation account. Oh, God. It's good every time. I'll never get sick of it. No, it never gets old.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Hey, Tim and Guy, I found your podcast this summer, and my sister and I were quickly hooked. We went on a road trip this summer and drove from Boston to Texas, and we listened to you boys the whole time. Thanks for the laughs. I finally have caught up and wanted to send you guys something to say thanks for giving my sister and I something to listen to so we didn't have to talk to each other.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Anyways, I have a question for you boys not the intended purpose of the podcast by the way we'd love to bring families closer together this is good though her question is what's something you appreciate about appreciate about each other and something you don't like about each other live every moment love every day kate washburn say my name shout out to my sister laura say her name too what's up uh Laura and Kate Washburn uh the what the Washburn I clan of Baltimore Maryland one thing I really like about Tim is his smarts both street and otherwise uh the man is I wouldn't necessarily want to go into a physical battle with him, but any sort of intellectual battle,
Starting point is 00:10:28 any battle that required us to put... Like, any sort of problem-solving situation, I'd want Tim by my side. He's very sweet. Something I don't like about Tim is... When he doesn't eat enough food, he gets so unreasonably grumpy. I'm like, dude, it's on you to fucking figure out when to put food in your body.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Stop making this my problem as well. And I was going to do a gag one, but that's true. That is true. And it's funny, but it's also very true. Exceptionally true. One thing I like about Guy is I feel like we're on the first day of a university tutorial
Starting point is 00:11:10 or a date sort of it's a weird date thing it'd be like if this is like blind date a TV show or something it's like speed dating where you have to do anyway sorry I think I've seen you once in a perceivably bad mood ever coming into a
Starting point is 00:11:28 situation when was that i can't remember but i just assume that summer in the last three years it's happened which is great it's such a wonderful quality to have in someone that it's like no matter when you expect them turning up or what the context is you know they're going to be bringing a little ray of sunshine into the room. It's a great thing. And one thing that I don't appreciate about Guy Montgomery... Hmm. Would be...
Starting point is 00:11:55 Hmm. I don't know. He's a real... Piece of shit. No, you did a real one, so I feel I have to too. There's just too much of him. He's all limbs everywhere. You don't like my body?
Starting point is 00:12:15 No, now it feels like I'm body shaming you. That's fine. I can take it. Okay, here's one. Different side of the same coin. I like how Dr. Phil this is getting. Would be... Oh, coming in, cracking the jokes,
Starting point is 00:12:30 and I'm trying to do something very difficult, and I'll be sweating. Sweat will be pouring off me. I'll be plugging cables into different ports, and you'll be like, say something quite funny. Can't even bring one up because I haven't eaten recently.
Starting point is 00:12:49 No, it's cool. I get it. I, yeah. Again, the enthusiasm giveth and the enthusiasm also taketh away. It's a sharp sword in the saw cuts both ways.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Yeah, it is. It's a very sharp sword. Hey, thank you to the Washburns for giving us that quite enjoyable psychological exercise. Did you enjoy that, Tim? Nope. Here's another person who sent us some money, and let's see if they want their name said.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Say my name, say my name. If no one is around you, say, baby, I love you. If you ain't running the game. I'm right next to you, Tim. You cannot say this person's name. Oh, really? Yeah. Shit. You can... No. No, you ain't running game i'm right next to you tim you cannot say this person's name oh really yeah shit you can no no you can't okay done you can't say you love him actually maybe you can say that well i feel like i love anyone who's given me money but more importantly someone who's joined on the friend zone. Yes. Charles. Moral.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Love you. Love you. Charlie, thank you for your $10. And I hope you don't mind being called Charlie. And I love you. Wonderful. See, was that so hard to say? No. Why don't we say it more often?
Starting point is 00:14:01 Why don't we say it all the time? I love Charlie. I guess the reason we don't say it to everyone all the time is otherwise it would lose value. Yeah, I take it back. I love you, Charlie. Sorry about Tim's flip-flop on that. He's going to be a real piece of work.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Hey, this one comes from a person, and it reads as follows. I'll read it from the top. There's a lot of correspondence, but it's good stuff. Think I'm starting to feel a tiny smidgen of your pain because the break room at work has been... Just slow it down a little bit, guy. I'll tell you what, that is something you don't like about me.
Starting point is 00:14:36 It's the pace at which I read letters in the friend zone. We can sub that in. Think I'm starting to feel a tiny... I should have done the passive-aggressive thing. I'm glad you didn't. Okay, think I'm starting to feel a tiny... I should have done the passive-aggressive thing. I'm glad you didn't. Okay. Think I'm starting to feel a tiny smidgen of your pain because the break from work has been looping 50 first dates
Starting point is 00:14:51 every single day for eight weeks now and I never want to see you stand on space again. Oh, that's fine. And then you wrote back saying, are you okay? Which is very nice of you. And they've written, hanging in there.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Thanks. Finding a new appreciation for the low points you guys hit back in season one i honestly don't know how you did it for a whole year sandler's presence has a way of making every scene seem 10 times longer than it actually is not to mention the clock in the break room is never right and runs haphazardly so time loses all meaning i think i found a coping mechanism though on my last grocery trip and what they have found is a half gallon hip flask which is literally twice the size of their hand
Starting point is 00:15:32 which they put in the photo for scale anyway just wanted to say that the worst idea of all time podcast is almost always the heart of my week we need to work harder on that but my friends get annoyed with me because I tend to pick up a slight kiwi accent for a few hours after listening
Starting point is 00:15:45 really freaked out my boss the first time that happened at work so there's now a 46 year old wannabe soccer mum of three
Starting point is 00:15:50 who does not believe you exist because describing the project out loud sounds so crazy that nobody believes it her loss looking forward to
Starting point is 00:15:57 revisiting Prawns out another season one classics on the 14 hour drive I'm about to embark on hopefully I don't almost go into a
Starting point is 00:16:03 ditch this time the scene notes from the script read still reduce me to laughter based tears on a regular basis and remains the one episode i cannot allow myself to listen to in the car it's such high praise think about saving it for lunch at the new blaze pizza that's open in disney world and seeing whether hashtag art is anal ingredients taste good while you're choking on laughter i'm so glad i stumbled across such a weird fucking project and i hope to buy a t-shirt or something after I next get paid, but I blew all my money on Christmas,
Starting point is 00:16:26 so I'll have to wait until I stop making bad financial decisions. Peace sign. A huge shout out to someone called Meg. Meg, I'm going to gloss over all the really lovely things you said because I feel like there's been enough earnestness in this episode of The Friend Zone already. But I will say this having a hip flask that is twice the size of a human hand has really tickled me that is a funny concept
Starting point is 00:16:51 because the whole point of a hip flask is so you can conceal your alcohol where are you going to conceal a hip flask that large i and i i would usually be like oh well maybe you're just like a really large person and it's relative in size, but you've attached a photo of your tiny hand. Can I see that photo? Can you flip that around? Let's see Meg's little hand and beak. That is a huge hip flask.
Starting point is 00:17:18 That thing is massive. They've called it a super flask. They have. Hey, good stuff out there, Meg. And I hope you enjoy that road trip and it actually makes me think that on one of our trips guy as we head towards the end of this journey we should we should listen to the episodes together oh wow there's a lot of content out there but imagine if we did that on a plane ride or something look tim i appreciate
Starting point is 00:17:42 that you're coming up with ideas and you're putting them out there but i don't appreciate the particular tone of this one very well i spend enough time with both of us as it is yeah that's true that is true yeah that's true uh someone writes hello i don't know that we're fuck it i'm gonna throw this one out there Amy McLaughlin I hope you want your name read Because I We're getting too good At being careful now Yeah
Starting point is 00:18:11 It's put me on edge Hello gentlemen That last one was read By Megan Janiski Yeah fuck you Megan There you go I'm a
Starting point is 00:18:18 Now we've gone too The pendulum's swung too far The other way I'm a big privacy advocate I really believe That people should be able To choose their own rights of exposure. But the contrarian in me has really butted heads against that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Well, meanwhile, I'm over here researching photos of both of these people's families. So you've really opened a can of worms. Not good. Hey, Amy, you wrote to us and said, Hello, gentlemen. I donated via PayPal, but I have little trust in the PayPal messaging system, so I wanted to relay my message the old-fashioned way. So here it is.
Starting point is 00:18:50 My name is Amy Mack. You may use it if you wish, or you can ignore it and move on. Deal is choice. I am donating firstly because it seems really selfish to get so much enjoyment for free, and secondly because I was listening in the car with my three-year-old daughter and she heard you say he's a legend at one point and she picked it up and you've and if you've never heard an american toddler say the word legend with a horrible kiwi accent well your lives are not complete i'd record it for you but she does nothing on command
Starting point is 00:19:22 she has not yet learned the i'm not your fucking trained monkey mom. She has not yet learned that. But you can see it in her eyes that that's what she means. Anyway, I just adopted her less than a year ago and the novelty hasn't worn off yet. So I'm probably a little biased, but pretty much everything she does is adorable.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Just going to pause in the reading there. Probably not how adoption works. It shouldn't wear off. You're in charge of a human now, a little infant. Oh, yeah. That'll stay with you. Yeah. You're all good, Amy, man.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Do you understand the long-term consequences of the decision you've made? You are responsible for the livelihood and well-being of a whole other person. But I get the sense that Amy knows this, but she thought after like six months she'd be doing it super begrudgingly. So, okay, six months of cuteness, six months of enjoying this adorable little human, and then it's all uphill. But it will be
Starting point is 00:20:16 worth it. Yeah. Six months of cuteness. That's great. I'm not sure I can include an image, but here's a link that may or may not work because you should see her cute fucking face. Can you believe this kid was in foster care and now she's mine? I love this. Anywho, I've been to the podcast over the last few months and I'm a mere eight episodes away from being caught up.
Starting point is 00:20:38 P.S. Season 1, episode 25 or 15, can't remember, is actually season 2. So it's super confusing. confusing fuck that's good to know i didn't know that uh i like it curveballs you have rose on and you guys are talking about sex in the city too and it is right in the middle of grown-ups too and i'm not sure you've rectified that or if anyone has told you so heads up be good boys you're Ledge Guions. I think she's phonetically tried to spell out how the the tot has pronounced it. But I'm having trouble with that. That was a heartwarming message.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Oh my god. I've just seen a photo of this kid. She is adorable. Look at that little cutie. Whoa. That is a cute kid. I'm pretty confident that's the photo that comes in photo frames
Starting point is 00:21:25 When you buy them from the store Hard out Thanks for getting in touch Amy You're a legend And we're all legends now Would you like to grab a message there guy Yeah This one's pretty funny
Starting point is 00:21:41 I open the door by the way if any sound comes through Because your correspondence With this person This one's pretty funny. I open the door, by the way, if any sound comes through. Because, boy, howdy. Yeah, yeah. Because your correspondence with this person, the last message that they send is, Hey, Tim and I, which I like. I was listening to the most recent friend zone where you started to read my message,
Starting point is 00:22:00 stop about three sentences in, thought you'd already read it, but in reality, you had read it But in reality Had not But I'm so confident That we did It gave me a chuckle Keep up the good work boys Even if you can't remember
Starting point is 00:22:10 If you'd read my message or not Anyway You are now going to read The original message In its entirety If you are Rickrolling us And we have already
Starting point is 00:22:17 Read it in its entirety Well played You deserve it All the more Boys Send 20 American dollars To your paper But in case you don't get
Starting point is 00:22:23 The message in its entirety Slow it down, guys. That was the preamble. Oh, okay. Now we're in the meat and potatoes, okay? All right. And if you know anything about my body, you know meat and potatoes slow me down. Heavy meal.
Starting point is 00:22:37 It's probably all that gravy, that rich gravy I insist on having. Oh, but isn't it worth it? I don't eat gravy unless it is like viscous to the point that I can't put a finger in it. Really? So you don't actually like liquid, you know, that fully liquid gravy? I don't even like gravy. I just like different textures. Anyway, Tim and Guy, 2016 has been a real mixed bag.
Starting point is 00:23:00 What kind of potatoes do you have with your meat and potatoes? Are they roasted? Because in my head they're mashed, eh? Raw. Raw potatoes. I had to deal with constant family dinners every week, spent discussing the US election, was laid off from my job of six years,
Starting point is 00:23:13 a telecom call centre manager, but really enjoyed it, started working for a regional chain of car lots to make some money while looking for a new career, and found out the manager is a registered sex offender for producing child pornography. Still very uneasy about that. Whoa. Yeah, fair enough.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Just some real bad stuff going on in 2016. On the plus side, I do have my first child due on December 23rd with my wife of 11 years. So that helps balance the scales a bit. You guys have been there when I've been through some rough times and have helped keep the scales from going way overboard. So here is 20 American dollars. I've been through some rough times and have helped keep the scales from going way overboard. So here is 20 American dollars. I've been listening for nearly a year now, started shortly after the death blight at one.
Starting point is 00:23:51 So 20 bucks is hardly fair for your hours of entertainment. Hope someday you can make a cost neutral to positive journey to the American midwest sometime so I could meet you boys in person. P.S. My wife finds your Kiwi accent annoying but I love him. Also if this gets you on the friend zone you're good to say my name if you haven't already neil lewis um sorry that you've had a rough year very very happy that we could do anything to make it more palatable um super
Starting point is 00:24:19 uneasy about your new boss as well you got to find a new job no he's gone i think that's the whole thing if he got found out that that guy's surely he's got to be put away well that's the sense i got from reading it that it's like yeah anyway let me get bogged down in the in the mire of that yeah what i will say is this yes uh i i very much look forward to you and your wife celebrating the birth of your first child and and to those of you who haven't yet check out season 2 of Death Blast Season 2 that's a funny way to put it
Starting point is 00:24:51 Releasantly Have you heard that word? That's a fucking cracking portmanteau That is excellent You just did that now, huh? Straight off the dome It's come out releasantly How do you use it? What's its application? straight off the dome by mistake it's come out recently it's been releasing
Starting point is 00:25:05 how do you use it what's it's application yeah it's like we put it up recently
Starting point is 00:25:12 it is it's it got put up recently it's pretty much the only application is that thing out yet recently
Starting point is 00:25:20 that's it that feels to me like the only possible way you could use it the difficulty is you're going to have to explain that to him. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Good stuff. Here's someone who's given us a little bit of chicha, a little bit of cheddar, a little bit of cheese, a little bit of coin, a little bit of a couple dollars.
Starting point is 00:25:36 By the way, we really appreciate it but stop sending cheese to Tim's home address because by the time it arrives here it is not in a good way. Well,
Starting point is 00:25:43 this is the beautiful thing about cheese. It ages well. Across the the board across the cheese board through winter we were getting away with it but um the summer months it's been super rough on your letterbox i know that and also the the rat infestation you've had look the rats aren't good what tickles me most though is we've got a lot of interesting birds here, and the birds love cheese in New Zealand. There's no getting around that. Shouldn't let them eat that. That's going to make them super sick.
Starting point is 00:26:09 We're actually very close to a reserve, like a wildlife reserve, where there's a lot of interesting birds, and they all come here because they all know that Tim Batts got the goods. I was reading about that in the newspaper this morning. He's got the cheese. There's a lot of sick birds out there, man. You guys are causing a lot of problems. I know, but they don't die. They're looking super hard to find out where they're getting all the cheese. There's a lot of sick birds out there, man. You guys are causing a lot of problems. I know, but they don't die.
Starting point is 00:26:25 They're looking super hard to find out where they're getting all the cheese from. The point is, they come round to my house and I get to look at them. And that's all there is to it. The money's come. The message says, Thus, with love from Toronto, Canada, your hours of suffering have brought me hours of entertainment All the best, you two
Starting point is 00:26:47 And that is from Mallory A name you don't hear a lot of these days And in fact, only really hear it on Archer So why don't you come on over, Mallory Oh shit, do you know what? What? Toronto's reminded me I think I even Plugged this gig recently
Starting point is 00:27:05 But if you are in Toronto Because I know we've got A few listeners there A very Very funny friend of mine Called Jordan Foise Is doing
Starting point is 00:27:13 He's a stand up comedian He's doing an album taping there And he's doing One on December 6th How the fuck Are you supposed to spell that? Foise F-O-I-S-Y
Starting point is 00:27:23 And one on December 9th And and they're both happening at comedy bar but if you look up jordan foisy album taping on facebook you'll find the event and everything you need will be there but if you can get along he's the fucking business uh and i think you have You can find him on Twitter at Jordan Foisy. F-O-I-S-Y. Nice and easy. Here's some people who have flicked us money without a message. So I don't know what to do with that. So I would say, Andrew Lowiser, I hope you don't mind your name being read aloud because you are the man for giving us tons of cash.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Cold hard cash here on the friend zone. You're back with Guy and the Coyote on the friend zone. You're the coyote? Yeah. And I'm Guy. Okay, cool. You didn't get a fun name. I can do that.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I'll play that character. Who do you want to be? I want to be Guy. You want to be Guy? I spend so much time being different characters. Sorry, I cannot make out the words you're saying unless you phrase it in radio voice. Coyote, you know, I spend so much time in different characters being different people. Sometimes I question, who am I really?
Starting point is 00:28:42 And I look in the mirror in my house in the morning and I just see cold dead eyes. So if you could call me Guy and stop making me do this voice, that'd be much appreciated. That sounds fucking dark. Woof, woof, woof, woof. Coyote. And Guy. $50 has come through from a dude named Brendan. Sup, Brendan.
Starting point is 00:29:03 So much to love there. I've only given you two details and both of them I'm in love with. I'm huge into them as well. The message reads, Ever so briefly, keep your chin-ups, boys. Brenton Robinson. Hey, I appreciate that. I feel like we're in good spirits today,
Starting point is 00:29:17 but when we're not, I will reflect on that and remember it fondly. Absolutely. My computer died. Oh, did it? We were just talking mean you could you could hear it trying to hey andrew oh andrew sent through um a message that we read last time so now we're good he was talking about that we probably weren't old enough to remember the 80s wwf references but in actual fact we are and we just didn't watch WWF. Yeah. Good on you, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Age is, with regards to digging up archival stuff, I guess it's unlikely, it's less likely people get into stuff so intensely, but, I mean, the option is there for people to get into all things from all eras now. As long as we've had recording devices, either video, audio, or written, people can just find what they like and dig into it. The idea of someone finding this 100 years from now is very odd to me. I am not betting a lot of money that this will float to the top of anyone's interest. No, you and I are going to have to do something big separate from this.
Starting point is 00:30:23 No, I think we need to end this episode on something huge. A real bombshell. Have you got anything? I've got nothing. But I feel very confident that within the next 25 seconds, we can think of just the thing. So... Huge news.
Starting point is 00:30:41 I'm thinking... A prediction. Okay. If we throw something out there and it comes true quite quickly i think that'll be huge for us and i think we'll get quoted in newspapers and that will lead to us being known about in 100 years so my prediction is within the next 25 days of this podcast coming out that's like less than four weeks we are unfortunately going to be saying goodbye to beloved legend
Starting point is 00:31:18 um freddie mercury wait a second and i know a lot of you aren't going to be happy to hear that And it doesn't bring us any joy to forecast that But The show must go on Recently coming to some information That there's a pretty high chance That in the next 25 days
Starting point is 00:31:37 From time of release Neither of us know when that's going to be It was an accident on a bicycle Freddie Mercury is going to Is no longer going to be with us. But to be fair, he died doing what he loved. Fat bottom girls. I'm pretty sure that wasn't really his scene.
Starting point is 00:31:53 You're right. You're right. He was... No, I'm not going to keep... I think the less we talk about Freddie Mercury, the better. It's already in bad taste for us to predict his untimely demise yeah made a lot of good songs though a lot of good music if you dig deep on queen made a lot of other decisions not all good but uh you know i mean you can't argue with a track like Don't Stop Me Now.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You can't. You can't reckon with its musicality. That'll be us for another Friend Zone. Yeah, man. Thank you for joining us. You got anything to plug? Fuck no. Oh, I put my tickets on sale for my Melbourne show because I thought it would be real funny to start selling tickets for a show
Starting point is 00:32:39 that's not for like three months. But it's more of a goof. You're an ambitious dude. I like it if you haven't already check out the Patreon we've got all sorts of great rewards
Starting point is 00:32:50 and we are going to be cranking out the first set of set of content yeah set of we're making content out there people as it stands
Starting point is 00:32:59 we have a tier at $35 a month called the Millionaire's Club yeah which is an exclusive entirely separate podcast from anything we've done before. We're currently making that for, I believe, four people.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Yes, that was the absolute intention of that tier, that I'd want as few people in there as possible to not really justify the amount of work it's going to take to do it. I don't even know what it's going to be. I do. Do you? I'm glad one of us has a plan for it. And I won't reveal it to you plebeians.
Starting point is 00:33:30 Anyway. You haven't paid for the four. Thank you so much. Love to you all. Oh, my God, you look fabulous. Hey, you actually do. You, whoever you are listening right now, you do look fabulous. Even in those ridiculous underpants.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Oh, come on. No, look, something has to be said. You've got to throw those out and get a new pair. Come on, man. You look fabulous. You look fabulous. And I want you to walk around today with a lot of confidence, knowing that Timbo and Guy Guy have got your back.
Starting point is 00:34:01 We have got your back out there. When you're going into a high-powered meeting, or maybe you're just trying to get through the day at a fast food restaurant like I was on a Friday night and you've been put on drive-thru and you're not fully aware of how the communication equipment works and the machines and the counter register thing, but there's so many people coming through whatever
Starting point is 00:34:26 the situation is you're about to face tempo and gaga have got your back because we're your friends yeah that's true and to people who get pissed off when there's a line in the drive-thru for mcdonald's get your fucking shit together you're driving a car like past a building and they're giving you food some shit is so awesome occasionally it's bound to take time you ungrateful fucking pig we're even talking a lot of time like maximum six minutes and you people are losing your fucking minds and can we just calm down honking honking's only make everything worse. It's harder to hear. The person who's working the counter isn't specifically trying to ruin your day. They're just trying to get through their shift.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Show some goddamn respect and empathy. We live in a society where you can buy a fucking hamburger for $2. Come on. The trade-off is there. Sometimes it'll take longer than 35 seconds all right everyone normalizes everything so fucking quickly now in conclusion you look great be confident we've got your back but please don't step out of line with service yeah great great stuff see you soon you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro. This movie's still fine.
Starting point is 00:35:53 He's a colby bastard. One of them dies and that guy's screw. One of them's a hot, his name is Jack. One of them looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast.
Starting point is 00:36:16 If you're thirsty for another, why not try... It really shows what the sort of whimsical schooling of a place like Harry Potter actually does to you. Like, you spend so much of your school life battling, you know, overgrown plants and fishing, like, fairies out of the lake that you actually don't learn how to adjust to being an adult.
Starting point is 00:36:40 So you turn into, like, this weird sort of... Everyone's very socially awkward. No one has had a talk to people. There's clear sexual chemistry between multiple characters and they all have no idea what to do with it. Penis? What is that? Some sort of Groot snoot?
Starting point is 00:36:56 Some sort of squally waddley? A penis is definitely some sort of Groot's note.

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