The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirty Three

Episode Date: January 9, 2017

Tim threathens another Worst Idea-inspired tattoo and lovely listeners (AND SNAKES) from across the entire planet of Earth get in touch with the boys to share stories of sporting woe, film cameos and... showing off with their use of the word morose. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at littleempirepod. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome to the friend zone in 2017 with your old mates Timbo. And me, Guy Montgomery. And you. Slight delay on that one. Wasn't there, Guy? Yeah. Well, as always, we should be up front about our location, our geolocation. And we are separated once again by a passage of water known as the Cook Strait, named after Captain James Cook.
Starting point is 00:00:45 Where are you right now, Tim? Piece of work, huh? Let's talk about James Cook for a hot minute. Came to New Zealand. First bit that they visited, I think, was very close to a part of the country called Young Nick's Head. I have it on good authority, which was the first sighted bit of land by that particular ship,
Starting point is 00:01:03 the Endeavour. And they came onto the land and they weren't too happy with the people who were already living here, so they buggered off again for a little bit and landed in a different part of New Zealand. That is about my extent of knowledge about how this country was founded. That was impressive. And to those of you listening at home,
Starting point is 00:01:19 if you're curious as to what the good ship Endeavour looked like, all you need is access to a New Zealand 50-cent coin or, alternatively, an internet connection. James Cook had the face of a man who was stern. Yes. I imagine he was a hard taskmaster. Yeah, I imagine so too. I believe he was eaten by the native people of Papua New Guinea, maybe.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I can't remember. I think it might have been in... I thought it was in Hawaii, perhaps. Yeah, maybe you're right. Yeah, somewhere. Anyway. Look. Colonization.
Starting point is 00:01:53 Certainly not the way we plan on starting this conversation, is it, Tim? Well, there is no plan, as always. But look, the whole reason we're here, friends, is to acknowledge our friends, talk about our friends, and to share the messages that have come from our friends. That is correct. So let's do that. Well, I'd like to kick things off if I may, Tim.
Starting point is 00:02:13 I've got a beautiful wee message here. Sent all the way from Newcastle upon Tyne. It reads as follows. Hey, boys. I know you probably get hundreds of shout out requests for the friend zone but if you could squeeze me one in i'll be eternally grateful now the reason that we're reading this message today tim is because once once it's uh been read to its finishing point this guy will be in our pocket for eternity he will always be grateful towards us and that is
Starting point is 00:02:41 a huge triumph that's important too we need to get as many people on our side of the ledger as possible because we are going to be calling in some favors pretty quick smart in 2017 don't want to reveal too much but we got some big plans and it's going to involve people who owe us blood debts yeah that's right we are not going to wind up on the wrong side of history not this time time. Not again. Not again. I wondered if you could big up my brother, Jake Johnston, who put me onto the podcast. I'm not sure why I listened to it after his explanation of two dudes watching the same crap film every week,
Starting point is 00:03:15 but I'm glad he did because it's given me hundreds of laughs. He lives out in Madrid, and I live in Newcastle, England, so I really get to see him. So if you could give him a shout out, that would be sick. Cheers, boys. Live every moment. Oh, start that again. Cheers, boys.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Live every moment. Love every day. From your boy, Alfie Johnston. P.S. You can read my name out if it's not already been risked by Guy O. You. Oh, Guy O. You. Guy O. You. That's good. You, that's good
Starting point is 00:03:45 Yeah, that's pretty clever I've never seen that before I wish I'd done it in this voice Hello Alfie, we love you You are nailing the Newcastle That's exactly how everyone talks in Newcastle This is what I'm looking for No accent
Starting point is 00:04:00 No, dialect There you go, that's one That's a good one Hey here's a message From Marion Who says Dear Tim and Guy Hey Guy
Starting point is 00:04:11 Are you sitting down? I am sitting down Tim This isn't in the message This is Tim talking now Hello Guy It's Tim here Hello Tim Are you sitting down?
Starting point is 00:04:18 I'm sat on my seat Okay here's the message I'm giving you One hundred Dollars What? Not as much as I spent on the Democrats, but I think the return is better.
Starting point is 00:04:30 I'm about the age of the woman in Sex and the City, so I'm not of your demographic. Still, your podcast was my shining light of 2016, even though I almost stopped listening because I thought you were so mean to SJP and the rest. But I'm glad I kept on. Speaking of which, my daughter and I just finished watching the entire run of Sex and the rest but i'm glad i kept on speaking of which my daughter and i just finished watching the entire run of sex in the city i followed with interest the evolution of
Starting point is 00:04:50 brady who in every iteration from newborn to two-year-old and beyond is a strange morose child with an intro with an introspective gaze he is obviously planning big things so thanks the table reading of grown-ups too was one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I do think that Guy M's father is correct. You two are growing beyond the original concept. I hope to follow you as you evolve and conquer ever more comedic heights. What a lovely message.
Starting point is 00:05:18 That was a lovely message. What was the name of the writer? Marion. I don't want to say Marion's last name because I don't have instructions. I say to you, Marion, of course you're in our demographic. Anyone with ears is well inside of our demographic
Starting point is 00:05:32 and I appreciate the message. I would like to extend it as well to snakes. Snakes don't have ears, but I think that they get vibrations on the ground and that's how they hear things. I hope we've got some snake listeners as well. Certainly. Or if you can call what snakes do listening,
Starting point is 00:05:50 it's more interpreting. Interpreting vibrations. Also, Marion, outstanding use of the word morose. Very good. I'm going to try and throw that around a little more in 2017. I've got one for you, Tim. Hey, hit me. Dear Tim and Guy,
Starting point is 00:06:05 it's fine to use my name if this makes it on the podcast. Alright, Chris Burrows, I will take you at your word, good sir. Would you guys like to hear how a real life gift of an empty MacBook Pro box plays out? You guys have to check out the latest Adam Buxton podcast. Adam and his
Starting point is 00:06:21 long time comedy partner Joe Cornish exchange Christmas presents. 18 minutes in and Joe literally gives Adam an empty MacBook Pro box I think you'll enjoy the self-serving explanation a few Christmas pounds are on the way to you for the hours of enjoyment I've had from the show hope you boys had an amazing Christmas and best of luck for 2017 only half of which will be ruined uh for you by Chris. And he's sent us a link to the Adam Buxton podcast. I will give that a listen, actually. Thanks for the recommendation. I'm about to go on a five-day walk, Tim.
Starting point is 00:06:54 So I've got ample opportunity to fill my ears with different forms of audio entertainment. Good stuff. Hey, while I've got you as well, Garnt, I'm really just chucking this at you in the moment. I don't know if you saw, but I've put a tentative time for our live cast for the Google Hangout,
Starting point is 00:07:13 which I think might be the day after you get back. So we'll exchange messages afterwards. That's fine. As long as we're together and everyone's together, life will be good. I'm really looking forward to that, actually. Oh, it's going to be such fun such fun here's a message from annie and it begins hey teapot and g spot and i'm going to just stop the message there for a brief moment to acknowledge how good that one is yeah very good top stuff happy new year to you
Starting point is 00:07:41 both i hope you have sufficiently recovered from whatever prawn cocktails you chose to indulge in love the party etc etc but i have a bone of contention to pick with you i like this oh no this looks specific and pointed in your patreon promo vid and again in this week's friend zone i caught a whiff of a wonderful beanie emblazoned with the war cry against the consumerist pepperoni fuck boys over at blaze pizza hashtag pay the boys i searched their online i searched your online store but to no avail where oh where can i find this marvelous beanie hat i hope one or both of you uh will one day make it to the adelaide fringe so i can finally figure out which one of your skinny bodies matches which voice big love from across the tasman annie ps having now
Starting point is 00:08:26 seen the knife in person in that promo i'm completely on team guy and that it is terrifying and unpredictable as a co-host i will i will think of knifey one every time i go through customs hopefully one day to land on the uh to land oh to your land of the long white cloud once I mass enough cash for a couple of beers and a hefty leaving tax, which sounds like someone's been listening to your other podcast guy hosting. It does, doesn't it? Because certainly getting into New Zealand,
Starting point is 00:08:56 while it is a beautiful country, if you don't plan ahead and prepare, it can take you by surprise. And I wish Carlo a speedy recovery and nothing but the best now in respect to the beanie we've mentioned this once before that was a special merch item which isn't available on the store but we got them custom made for our america tour where we lost ironically those beanies are part of the reason The Patreon exists in the first place
Starting point is 00:09:28 Yeah They're a hot collector's item Stick on the Patreon and there might be some opportunities To win a couple beanies As the time goes by I'm reminded of the Simpsons Which is like Street value is virtually nothing
Starting point is 00:09:41 But the sentimental value is through the roof Well I'm actually I'm not going to be in Adelaide The street value is virtually nothing, but the sentimental value is through the roof. Well, I'm actually not going to be in Adelaide this year. I'm not going to make it. But if Perth is as close to Adelaide as I think it is, it's about a 30-minute jaunt down the motorway. So maybe I'll be fortunate enough to see there in early Feb. Oh, boy, I don't think that's right at all. No, I don't think it's right either i got one for you tim hey there spindly timbly and the flash i really like that
Starting point is 00:10:12 about a third of the fans have continued calling me the flash was a bit hungover this morning while catching up with season three currently on the steddon episode she's hilarious god damn ain't that the truth god I love Alice Steddon and I looked into the box office success of We Are Your Friends well Tim Lee has been
Starting point is 00:10:30 correct in that this movie had the fourth worst debut for a film with 2000 plus theater release this movie actually made a profit the budget was two million dollars which
Starting point is 00:10:38 is still alarmingly high for this movie and it had a total gross of 11.1 mil love the podcast you're good boys brave boys and most importantly kind boys
Starting point is 00:10:47 hope the knife is doing well and happy new year randomly just thought about this but if this does end up on the friend zone feel free to toss my name in the mix love and friendship
Starting point is 00:10:55 from Luke Calbera in Stillwater, Oklahoma he did not say I could say where he lives but I did it anyway that one was just for you actually I was He did not say I could say where he lives. But I did it anyway. That one was just for you. It's true.
Starting point is 00:11:12 Actually, in a moment of an idling mind, I was perusing the We Are Your Friends IMDb page, and I saw that same piece of information, but I think the reason it is regarded as such a box office bomb is because the nut yeah the number of theaters released and the sort of net gross per cinema is so low like there's got to be some costs associated with rolling it out to that many theaters as well because from memory it's like it was a couple thousand i think that it released in yeah the other thing is i've got to be honest and i i've got nothing to back this up
Starting point is 00:11:45 because i've got a pretty unsteady uh internet connection where i am at the moment but i reckon that two mil budget sounds like a production budget to me which doesn't include marketing and those marketing budgets can get up there sometimes eclipsing the entire production budget but um something i will look into well tim i think it's important that you do because the people deserve to know they demand to know i'm just um i'm going on to here we go trivia i'm just gonna read out the exact number uh the film grossed an average 758 dollars from 2333 theaters in its opening weekend this was the fourth worst debut for a film with a 2000 plus set average. It was surpassed later in 2015 twice. Once by Rock the Casbah and once by Jim and the Holograms,
Starting point is 00:12:31 both of which opened on October 23. It was a rough year. Hey, and I'll tell you what, two comments further down in the trivia section of the We Are Your Friends page on IMDb is season three of the New Zealand based podcast, is dedicated to watching We Are Your Friends page on IMDb is season 3 of the New Zealand based podcast Worst History of All Time is dedicated to watching We Are Your Friends once a week, every week for one year and they're reviewing the movie
Starting point is 00:12:51 7 out of 7 people found that interesting I love that that's 100% hit rate I love it when it's like 11 out of 18 people found this interesting if you don't find it interesting, why are you registering your opinion? yeah, just don't just don't vote, interesting, why are you registering your opinion? Yeah. Just don't.
Starting point is 00:13:05 Just don't vote. I love that. That's really buoyed my mood. Hey, here's a message from John who actually donated to us a little while ago and I think I missed his message. So apologies for that, John.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Here we go. Dear guy that Tim knows and vice versa, please give my name a shout out to my mate, The Chief, who's likely listening right now on the Isle of Wight and who unleashed his pod addiction.
Starting point is 00:13:27 What he's done, guys, he's put those two words together, so it's poddiction, on me during the summer. Your tragic merch mishap in the States finally moved me to throw you a few quid. Or as I'm rationalizing it, invest in merch futures. Very good. Anytime I think of a question to email you guys either someone else asks it or the answer comes out spontaneously for example i was going to ask how you seldom how come you seldom mention rugby events but this was succinctly dealt with
Starting point is 00:13:56 in response to ryan slash savannah the other week i can't remember what that was about um so instead of originality i've gone for poignancy with the two questions you've no doubt answered before but might uh help you get a little sentimental with us your friends when and how did you guys actually meet i've picked up some of the backstory and it seems you moved in similar circles but when uh where were you were your first clap dies and this bizarre and improbable chain of events was set in motion? Second, whenever this crazy train reaches its crazy terminus, my wife and I have resolved to mark the podcast's passing
Starting point is 00:14:34 with the worst binge movie day of all time and watch all three movies back-to-back and flat defiance of your many health warnings. My question is, in what order would you recommend the watch? Lots of love As is said in Belfast Keep her lit John
Starting point is 00:14:52 And John's last name Is Moriarty Great name That is a great last name That sounds like a movie last name I feel like there's a character Well there was the bad guy in Sherlock right? Oh no that's Moriarty
Starting point is 00:15:04 It's a slightly different Bloody good there was the bad guy in Sherlock, right? Oh, no, it's Mariotti. It's slightly different. Bloody good name, none the less. Mariotti. I think, you know, as nostalgia is wont to do, I've created the memory that we met on set, but I know that can't necessarily be true. I think maybe... I do remember when I was in Toronto, Ontario, Canada,
Starting point is 00:15:27 playing my trade as a lowly open mic stand-up comedian, I remember I would use the internet to perv on the local scene that was thriving in my absence in Auckland, New Zealand. And I clapped eyes on your poster for, I think it was your first show. Was it called Tim Bates Unified Theory? Yeah, I think it was your first show. Was it called Tim Bates Unified Theory? Yeah, I think that was my first one, yeah. And it was like you, it was you in a suit with a mug at a desk. In a garage, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Yeah. So I certainly, you know, can a picture on a computer screen look back at you? Yeah. I think it can. And Tim's piercing eyes looked deep within my soul and i thought to myself i will return to fear altair and i will uh fuck that guy up i will climb inside of his headspace and really just kick some stuff around for three years what do you remember tim um i don't remember
Starting point is 00:16:22 us meeting before uh the TV show that you hosted, You Late, where I reviewed toilets on a Monday night. But I imagine there was some brief introduction before then, maybe at a party. But to be honest, I'm afraid this marriage is a little confusing as to its origins. Well spoken, Tim. We'll go with that TV show. and what was the second question the second
Starting point is 00:16:47 question was what uh order does he recommend watching the movies in during his binge i would say in the order we did him yeah i would say chronologically uh in accordance with worst editor of all time canon so growing ups to the insects in the city too then where are your friends i've got a message here which is like i don't want to be rude especially because this person has given us money but katrina is sort of taking the piss with the length do you want me to just start and you tell me when to when you get bored yeah yeah that sounds great okay katrina thank you so much for getting in touch i can't believe i was so dismissive up the top. Here's your message.
Starting point is 00:17:28 My dear boys, greetings from the west coast of Canada. I've been listening to your show since early 2015 when I was a graduate student of biology in Washington State. A fellow student one day asked if I listened to podcasts and proceeded to rave about this hilarious one she'd been listening to called The Worst Idea of All Time. She'd gotten her boyfriend hooked on it and thought I might like it too. She's never stabbed me wrong, so I took a crack at it. And boy am I glad I did. Listening to seasons one and two not only made the monstrous drudgery that is biological research go by faster, it resulted in me frequently alarming my lab mates as I burst into fits of laughter that left me clutching my sides and wiping away tears. Just as this project was designed to forge a deeper friendship between you two lads, listening to it brought me closer to my two good friends jen and tyler it was an inside joke we
Starting point is 00:18:09 shared when one of us was having a bad day another would poke our head around the cubicle walls and demand a shining light for the day to bring perspective the three of us got pretty hammered playing the grown-ups to drinking game and struggle gamely through sex in the city too together now we've all finished school and scattered to opposite sides of the continent your show gives That's so sweet i know they would be absolutely thrilled if you could read this message aloud on the friend zone as they are avid and long time friends of the show as an additive incentive i've chucked you about 30 dollars in merchandise sales and 10 on paypal wink jen and tyler you're marvelous friends and marvelous together as you start life together,
Starting point is 00:19:06 may you live every moment and love every day. Your friend, Kat. Please say my name.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Well, Kat, that was a real triumph of penmanship because I was interested right the way through. Was it because you were blowing compliments
Starting point is 00:19:22 and smoke up my ass? Almost definitely. But I'm glad that I've helped with my colleague, Tim, bring you and your friends closer together. And I wish Jen and... Tyler. Brad? Tyler.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Tyler. All the best. That was a nice message. Sorry I got your name wrong, Tyler. You just look like a Brad to me. In my head, the picture I've got of you, if you could see it, you'd be like, yeah, that's a Brad. I feel like Brad and Tyler's a little bit interchangeable. It's a good American strapping lad name.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Yeah, man. Six of one, three plus three of the other. Hey, that's really sweet, though. I'm glad that you could get some value out of the insanity. It's bloody lovely. True that. I've got also a stonking big message here. Throw it at me.
Starting point is 00:20:09 And you know how I always tell you to slow down? Yeah. Don't. Don't this time. Show me what you got. Do you want me to steadily accelerate throughout the letter? Show me what you got. All right, buddy.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Dear Timbly Wimbly and Guy the Flash Montgomery, I've been meaning to message you fine gentlemen for some time now and just offer a massive thank you, you deep down, you bloody legends, caps lock intended, for doing this insane, ludicrous, at times absurd podcast, which has greatly helped my get into podcasts and also appreciate New Zealand humour a lot more, as I hadn't been exposed to it previously. Without boring you to tears, I'm providing another sob story.
Starting point is 00:20:48 The year of 2016 was the most dramatic and difficult one of my life. However, your River podcast was my shining fucking light and it got me through some insanely dark days. I'll give you one example. I live in Perth, Western Australia. Hey, I'm coming there. Early February, Tim, just as a sidebar. Please come to my show.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Yeah, tell everyone to buy tickets. Anyone in Perth. It's called Let's All Get in a Room Together I'm coming there early February Tim just as a sidebar please come to my show I don't know anyone in Perth it's called Let's All Get In A Room Together and it starts on February the 6th what's your website just tell people
Starting point is 00:21:14 where your website is they'll go there yeah visit guymontcomedy.com and it's at the Noodle Palace it's going to be great anyway I'll give you an example
Starting point is 00:21:21 I live in Perth Western Australia isolated sunny and beautiful and I'm a mad supporter of the Western force. That is a bleak as hell fact right there, Tim. But you have continued writing in spite of this devastating revelation.
Starting point is 00:21:31 I'm sure as Kiwis, you know the current rugby format and how bad my team has always been. Anywho, I became a member for the first time and went to every home game. Boys, they lost every home game. So 2017 will be a better year, and I'm sure that you two gentlemen will soar to even greater heights. For a long time, I'd been wanting to send some money for your crazy USA adventures, but it was too poor.
Starting point is 00:21:49 So to my surprise, I was bewildered when I saw that Guy was coming to the wild, wild west of Australia for the Fringe Festival. So whilst you're here, Guy, if you want to take me up on this offer, I would love to buy you a beer
Starting point is 00:21:59 and give you a free tour of my lovely, sunny, and ever-friendly city. Don't worry, Tim, the offer still stands if you visit one day. Message me, Guy, if you're interested. And fellas lovely, sunny, and ever-friendly city. Don't worry, Tim, the office still stands if you visit one day. Message me, Gar, if you're interested. And fellas, love every moment and live every day
Starting point is 00:22:09 because you've made most of us enjoy it a bit more. Cheers. And yes, state my whole name if you'd like because I have an interestingly weird name. Tim Stakergun. Tim? Love that. Appreciate the message.
Starting point is 00:22:22 I look forward to seeing you for this uh much talked about beer in perth um i've got one you got one from one tim to another good on you bloody aussie battler and you great sports fan who sticks with the team through thick and thin that is what it is all about um here's one from someone hey timbo you insinuated on the last friendzone pod that it might be possible for me to get my grubby little hands on a pay the boys cap how much sweet cash would i need to donate to the troops in order to get my merch here in uh rayleigh north carolina really quite a specific one is that he spell it to say it rather yeah rally north carolina i don't know what goes on in there i think it's a state capital i've got to put all these these
Starting point is 00:23:11 beanie these beanie messages in one place might go through that one later um look i don't know i'll i'll have i've got to have a think about the logistics of all that i'll go into another one if i may here we go uh hey tim zubat and guy monferro i'm a long-time listener of the podcast from michigan apparently home of the crayola crayon factory if your fine program can be believed we all know that that's true i don't remember that i sent you a donation i remember that of courseola. It's best known for being in Michigan. And some people will tell you it's based in Forks Township, Northampton County, Pennsylvania.
Starting point is 00:23:51 But they're fucking liars and they're not to be trusted. Where is this coming from? I sent you a donation of $8.03, corresponding to a penny per Pokemon plus Missing Go in honor of Professor Charlotte on PayPal, but was unsure if you got the message. I was also not satisfied with the message, so here is a new message.
Starting point is 00:24:10 My brother and I were eating ice cream at a Mackinac island-themed candy store named Velvet. Read their names since I want to shout out. Guys, don't tell me to read. Just, we go verbatim, okay? You don't need to put in brackets. If you've put the name, we'll read it, okay?
Starting point is 00:24:28 Here we go. My brother was telling me that he had won tickets to a ska band. I naturally asked if the band was the acclaimed intergalactic glory hole. When he looked at me quizzically, I proceeded to explain the premise of your program and made him listen to that episode. He laughed for a long while and told me after the
Starting point is 00:24:45 show that tyrone wishbone was lousy i do not think he listened to the show after that but you did brighten up my day so you two definitely are legends all the best robert say my full name homan um i'd forgotten about tyrone wishbone that fuck that got me at the time i love that i still love it i might i might get that tattooed to me that would be i think a good addition to my body i that yeah one of the only memories i have of that episode apart from obviously you know the inception of this fantastic ska band who played nothing but King's covers from memory. Yeah, you got it.
Starting point is 00:25:29 You could not handle Tyrone. Tyrone Wishbone. Tyrone Wishbone really tickled you pink. You got another one for me, mate? Yeah. It's because of a filing system. It's difficult to know if this one has been discussed. But it comes from California and it says,
Starting point is 00:25:47 with Sex and the City 3 on the horizon, how hard would we really have to work to get you lads a cameo in the film? And then a very ominous time to start the Twitter campaign followed by an ellipsis. I would say we would have to work like so hard and I think um by working hard I mean like move to Los Angeles start an acting career work in a cafe work our way up the ranks and hope that within one or two years we're ascendant enough that we can get a featured extra role and if we were to get a featured extra role in the film,
Starting point is 00:26:25 do you know what I'd hope we'd be doing, Tim? What's that? Sitting across the table from one another, just slamming caffeine. And Michael and Patrick King, they'd be on set and they'd be going, would you two boys stop drinking so much coffee? That's prop coffee.
Starting point is 00:26:38 And we'd say... You're ruining every shot, every pickup we do of this. You guys are just drinking more and more coffee. We can't edit around this boys and we'd pour scalding hot coffee on michael and patrick king's hands and we'd say do not talk to us like that again and then we'd graft some of the skin from our ass onto their hands and the ass graft would involve our patrick schwarzenegger tattoos and then michael and patrick king would suddenly have patrick schwarzenegger tattoos and then Michael and Patrick King would suddenly have Patrick Schwarzenegger on their hands and I think because Hollywood's quite it's an insular world
Starting point is 00:27:09 one filled with nepotism and if we could bring all of the circles with which we surround ourselves closer together I think at the end of the day that's what life's about. That got super dark at the end there bud Yeah look I don't know man I'm running out of steam You're in a you've
Starting point is 00:27:26 got a real holiday head on don't you your brain's gone oh it's gonna be um a really interesting transition back into back into the real world on the tail end of what has been a spectacular way to ring in 2017 a couple of quick messages um round off we're listening to friendzone episode 32 I accidentally tapped on the wrong spot in my podcast app causing the playback to skip to the end of the episode and thus deleting it from my phone because the app
Starting point is 00:27:56 thought I was done with it I missed about the last 10 minutes and I don't feel like downloading it again can you summarize out loud what happened for me here's hoping I don't do the same thing with this episode. Cheers, Dan. P.S. Please don't not unread my not name on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:28:13 Fuck. That is a lot of double negatives. Don't not. Yeah, that is confusing. I'll tell you what happened. We pretty much created a solution for world peace. And those who did listen have started living that lifestyle. We made huge improvements to planet Earth.
Starting point is 00:28:33 It was probably our most ambitious and well-executed part of any podcast record we've done together to date. So it's a real shame you missed that. Yeah, I would describe it as transcendent dan woods and you missed it buddy uh here's another quick little uh communique james says old timbo and monty exactly 17 days ago i downloaded the entirety of your podcast in preparation for a bit of backpacking around south america over the span i've managed to listen to the complete four days, 13 hours, 48 minutes, and 21 seconds of content you two have put out so far across the three seasons.
Starting point is 00:29:10 I'm going to stop there, Guy. Whoa. Yeah, I know. That's too much. That is too much. By my math, this means about 27% of every moment I have lived for the past couple of weeks, I have been laughing at you two sorry, I've been with you two
Starting point is 00:29:28 lathering that Kiwi goodness all over my eardrums, Jesus Christ, I'm writing in to address a point you two raised earlier in the season regarding the stereotypical Ivy League douchebag, as an Ivy League student myself, I can wholeheartedly attest to the presence of the entitled, snobby
Starting point is 00:29:44 pretentious pricks uh on which the stereotype is founded but would like to reassure you and your listeners if this happens to be read on here that the majority of us are a pretty laid-back bunch who happen to spend a lot of time studying i will concede we do love music anyway this donation represents an exact dollar amount to match the days of entertainment you've provided me with throughout my travels. I hope it keeps you lads afloat in the wake of your self-reported... I wish it was the minutes we've provided you with, you piece of shit. Your self-reported terrible business decisions.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Cheers, boys, and keep up the banter, James. James, you didn't need to send us any money your contribution by listening to so much of us across the last 17 days is um you're the real mvp here bud that's real yeah you're testing human endurance at the point that you're at appreciate it appreciate it um i've got one left do you want me to read it yeah i'm out of fuel Read it to me, and then let's put a pin in this thing. Kelsey. Dear Big Dick Tim and Guy Thundercock Montgomery. Tim does have a massive dick right out of the gates.
Starting point is 00:30:57 I have been listening to the worst idea of all time for over a year, but I was sitting on this donation until I could think of an appropriate nickname to give both of you lovely boys. name is kelsey laser or laser it's not a z it's an s how would you say that i'm gonna say laser fuck it please say my whole name uh so that i can make my roommate matt rowan very jealous please say his whole name too since i promised him a shout out in my message just wanted to say that your podcast is hilarious and I will miss it dearly when the season ends. I hope these 40 genuine US American dollars accurately convey my appreciation for you both. Don't spend it all in one place.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Love, Kelsey. We will spend it in 40 different places in very small increments. Thank you so much. Hey, Tim, I've had a really good time catching up with you and our friends this morning. Yeah, it's been lovely talking to you, hearing from our friends, hanging out with our friends. There's actually been wedding preparations happening all around me, so
Starting point is 00:31:53 now it's time for me to maybe jump in the shower if I've got time and put a suit on and go wish some people some happy union. Have a great time and so I'll be out of commission this is sort of admin-y but we'll give it to the and I'll be out of commission, this is sort of admin-y but we'll give it to the fans, I'll be out of commission for the next five days
Starting point is 00:32:10 so I suppose the next time you hear from us Tim and I will be together once again, for together we are stronger perhaps even providing the director's commentary you so desperately crave and deserve lots of love everyone and to you guy
Starting point is 00:32:25 a little bit less love but still some love thank you tim i hope you have a great wedding and i hope that those objections that you told me you're rehearsing last night go really well i'm looking forward to letting you know how that goes goodbye goodbye well it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy cause making friends is the best idea of all time
Starting point is 00:32:53 thanks for listening to this podcast if you're thirsty for another why not try walk out boys and um here's something I noticed in the film and was never addressed again, and I wanted to learn so much more about Nick. An extra walking past in just the background of a scene
Starting point is 00:33:11 was a dog who was a nun. Yes, I saw that. You saw the dog and I was like, there's religion in this world? I want to know about religion in this world. I want to know about religion in this world.

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