The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Twenty Seven

Episode Date: November 14, 2016

GuyGuy's dropping names with reckless abandon and Timbo's got socks full of loose change. The boiz tackle qustions such as; Where should four Samanthas and one dog go to vacation? Is Cheaper By The Do...zen 2 a good movie? What does it mean to be 'a card'? Letters from truck drivers, particle physicists and everyone in between. We really have the best friends, don't we folks?Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Little Empire Podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at LittleEmpirePod. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Tim and Guy. Hello and welcome along to another edition of the Friend Zone. A time for friendship. Yeah, above all else. Here we all are.
Starting point is 00:00:39 We are all here, as we planned. Always a relief when we both make it um and we're going well thank you very much uh to everyone who reached out to us today uh of course in new zealand it is monday the 14th of november and we had some pretty uh scary shakes uh overnight and i woke up i slept through them all completely they have it in the south island um thankfully both of our families as far as i know are fine and woke up i had no idea and it's always confusing you wake up to a flurry of messages saying are you okay yeah because then sometimes you think that something's happened that you've kind of forgot about like something's wrong with you but you forgot yeah like you got blackout drunk the night before yes and made some
Starting point is 00:01:25 terrible decisions well that like traditionally that is the most likely scenario scenario if you think across your life whenever you've woken up and had a flurry of messages going are you okay like odds on it's been after you've gotten to a little tornado of jack daniels and there's been outcomes to the decisions you made whilst in the eye of the storm. That require a second look. A second look. It wasn't that, though. It was not that, no.
Starting point is 00:01:52 And a lot of those messages, obviously from friends and family, were also from friends and family over at Worst Idea of All Time Incorporated. And it was so lovely. So thanks for checking in on us we're both going great absolutely thank you so much and our thoughts are with everyone who isn't so fortunate to live far away from where they are wreaking absolute havoc true true that um should we dip into the message pool as always it's like the looking pool but there's words there and money oh this message i imagine there would be a sort of smattering of loose change at the bottom of the looking pool
Starting point is 00:02:33 let me just check oh there is i could just grab a handful of it you're always carrying around small socks filled with change now I don't like it Because I don't trust the banking system Jeremy writes Dear TimTamBat and GuyMoticalo I don't know if anyone has told you this As it's been a while since you've mentioned it But remember that Kim Cattrall video
Starting point is 00:02:57 Where she's skedding along to her husband's double bass That is not improvised It's a real poem Here are the lyrics And then there's a real poem here are the lyrics and then there's a URL make of this what you will and please feel free to let Rose and Alice know I haven't
Starting point is 00:03:11 oh because they mentioned the same video on bonus of the heart I have enclosed 20.61 Australian dollar dues to help the boys break even you may use my name but only if you say it in a sexy Aussie timbre what is his name? oh you're so much better at voices than me You may use my name, but only if you say it in a sexy Aussie timbro. What is his name?
Starting point is 00:03:29 You're so much better at voices than me. No, you've got it. You've got this. Because I don't want to do any warm-up. I've just got to dive into the accent for the name. You never look down to him. You just jump into the water, you know? You're already looking down.
Starting point is 00:03:42 I can't get Australia, though, in my head. Now I'm freaking out. Australia. Oh, see? Now I feel like I've cheated. No, you've got it. you looking down i can't get australia though in my head now i'm freaking out australia oh i see now i feel like i've cheated no you've got it jeremy car yes whoa tim are you still here i thought for a second uh jeremy car was in the room i'll tell you what i'm going to gloss over this uh this voice work and i'm going to go to the url live on here could you now something called rupertbrook.com slash poems slash appendix slash the underscore little underscore dogs underscore day all his life he'd been he'd been good as far as he could tell no wait that's not it oh no oh
Starting point is 00:04:21 hold on all in the town was still asleep when the sun came up with a shout and a leap. In the lovely streets unseen by man, a little dog danced and the day began. All his life he'd been good, as far as he could. And the poor little beast had done all he should. But the morning he swore by Odin and Thor. And the canine Valhalla. He'd stand it no more. So his prey got grunted to do what he wanted.
Starting point is 00:04:56 Prevented by a nun for the space of one day. We broke this game. Jam and Cepedo. Sidemi. Facebo. In the dog Latin, he quotes, Ugi Sophos, hooray! And he fought with the he-dogs and winked at the she-dogs, a thing that had never been heard of before.
Starting point is 00:05:20 For the stigma of gluttony, I cannot abutton he, cried and ate all he could swallow And more He took away swiney lumps From the shines of old frumps And mangled the errand boys When he could get them He shamed furious rabies
Starting point is 00:05:36 And bit all the babies And followed the cats up the trees And then ate them They thought he was the devil Was holding a rebel And sent for the parson to drive him away. For the town never knew such a hell of a loo as that little dog raised till the end of the day when the blood red sun had gone bearing down and the lights were lit in the little
Starting point is 00:06:01 room. Outside in the gloom of the twilight grey, the little dog died when he'd had his day. Hey, great reading. Is that a famous poem? I don't think so. It was copyrighted in,
Starting point is 00:06:16 oh, 1907. I thought they said July 1997. Wow. It's called The Little Dog's Day if you want to look it up and I'm assuming it is by the poet rupert brooke i've just been told as a poet we uh obviously incorrectly thought that uh when we saw an edited video with patches of kim cattrall singing that over her husband's double bass
Starting point is 00:06:38 that she might have been riffing and scatting her way through well she the way she does it is very riffy and scatty. I remembered some of the lines. That hullabaloo line. Whew. That was cooking. I love that. I think I might have heard of this guy.
Starting point is 00:06:51 He was an English poet known for his idealistic war sonnets written during the First World War. And he wrote a poem called The Soldier, which I have a vague memory of reading in high school. Hey, thank you for taking us this that us on that deep dive jeremy jeremy car jeremy car how about it uh look i don't really have a short one if you need time i need heaps of time bro oh do you oh is it not working out for you so good that's all right we could um you do um... Here's one.
Starting point is 00:07:25 Read your short one. Oliver. Dear Timbo and Guy Guy, a short email. Will you be renaming the podcast in light of the American election? Cheers, Oliver. I see. You see what he's done there? Yeah, I do.
Starting point is 00:07:39 We will not. And this one's from Morgan. Hey, guys. Recently, lots touched with the podcast due to having so many awesome podcasts to listen to how do you feel about that firstly guy I feel like it's an excellent backhanded compliment 10 points
Starting point is 00:07:53 kind of showing off eh I'm so sorry we haven't caught up I've just been so busy hanging out with other cool people glamorous attractive friends the live show ep 23 was a great point to rejoin. Love the show. I'm a wedding photographer and often drive home late after long days, and shows like yours make that drive a lot safer and easier.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Thanks. I've got a theory. Perhaps one of the fuckboys killed Squirrel as he revealed to them that he was going to tell Zuccoli that his song was really shithouse. Oh, I like it. If Zuccoli was told his song was rubbish, they'd most likely not be able to ride his coattails to Summerfest. Of course, the boys couldn't let that happen.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Skrill had to go. And then there's an emoji which is... I'm trying to describe this for you. We've got two closed eyes, an open mouth, everything's pointed skyward, and maybe a snot bubble being blown wow yeah probably someone who's feels like they've had a huge thought maybe it's a eureka emoji i really like that theory it's interesting because uh obviously the cost of um
Starting point is 00:09:01 them killing squirrel so ironically they they didn't want squirrel to tell the coley because then they couldn't get free tickets to summerfest but the act of killing squirrel meant that the friendship group group break broke up anyway and they didn't go to summerfest either way so they just killed a man in cold blood for no reason yeah but you don't this is the law of unintended consequences you don't always know what's going to happen so you just you got to make decisions based on your best information at the time i feel like if you kill someone yeah and the sole motive for killing them was because they were going to stop you from getting free tickets to a concert there's no way even if you were in you know at loggerheads over divvying up the responsibility and how you're going to deal with it. There's no way you wouldn't go to that concert.
Starting point is 00:09:46 You killed him. Otherwise, you just killed your mate. So you're saying they should have gone anyway? Yeah. Well, yeah, that's fine. I mean, yeah, if that's the thing they fucked up, I guess that's a different conversation. They didn't fuck up the doing the killing in your mind.
Starting point is 00:10:03 The only thing they did wrong is not go to the gig afterwards yeah okay it's a hot take um another one from me how are you going to do yours i can i can just read i can just read out ran a random smattering of recent correspondence oh it does not turn the tags it doesn't have the tags no let me try and get on a different thing okay tom writes my dearest jabronis spintimwim and grandmaster flash i've been enjoying your boys's work for a while now and felt it was time to throw a few pennies your way you deserve far more for the literally days of entertainment you have provided but as i am a broke ass student i hope my pocket scrapings will suffice as a woolly pacifist i never thought i would donate money to support the troops but god damn do i support the
Starting point is 00:10:55 war you guys are waging against your own sanity inspired by your cinematic sadomasochistic journey my friend sam and i have undertaken the herculean task of watching every nick cage uh every film nicholas cage has ever been in and chronicling our struggles with our own podcast podcage working title i've attached a picture of me wearing patty schwartz my patty schwartz t-shirt whilst recording thanks again for putting yourselves through this so we don't have to i leave you with a final gift each. Kiss, kiss. P.S.
Starting point is 00:11:27 It turns out prawn salad episodes are much harder than you make them seem. Instead of going on mad flights of imagination, my co-host Sam just became sleepy and unresponsive. Ah. Well, there you go. That is a super sweet email, Tom. And the photo's dope too. Very comically written. Can I see the photo, please?
Starting point is 00:11:50 Oh, it's going to be so hard. Something's going to unplug. No, believe in yourself. That is what Tom looks like. I'm so glad we did this for the podcast. A non-visual medium. It looks like he's concentrating pretty hard on that photo. Here's the thing about that
Starting point is 00:12:06 And I hate to be the bearer of bad news That format sounds familiar I think there might be one of those Cage cast Yeah There's every chance there is Pod cage This one's pod cage
Starting point is 00:12:18 The existing one is probably cage cast Pod cage It works both ways, doesn't it? You can't do it with Nick Because there's too many nicks in the world but i guess the cage is that's the label that's how you know what's on the tin do you like nicholas cage uh nah he terrifies me eh he's too frightening to like i saw him oh i was watching uh he always looks like he's trying to give someone a fright that's the way his face is
Starting point is 00:12:44 configured he looks like he's trying to give himself a fright That's the way his face is configured He looks like he's trying to give himself a fright in a weird way He's one of those people who's kind of like Maybe he's perpetually giving himself a fright And the consequence of that is his face is constantly frightening And he's constantly frightened He's sort of like a walking talking scream mask From the movie Yeah
Starting point is 00:13:02 It's not good stuff I like him though How are we going to get you some of these I'm going to forward some emails to you So you've got something to read What's happening guys from the movie. Yeah. It's not good stuff. I like him though. How are we going to get you some of these? I'm going to forward some emails to you so you've got something to read. What's happening, guys, is we put aside the messages on the Facebook and stuff, but Guy's doing it on his phone.
Starting point is 00:13:15 It doesn't give the put away place. You can't see the little cave. It's terrible because more than that, Facebook have made it impossible to check your messages through anything but the application. Are you serious? No, I can do it on my Android. Wait a minute, Messenger?
Starting point is 00:13:33 Yeah. Yeah. But even the one for the Worst Idea Facebook page. They're making me. Oh, God. It's a social media nightmare, everyone. I'm so glad you're on this journey with us to figure it all out. Tim's helping out,
Starting point is 00:13:44 and I'm ready to claw our way out of this disastrous administration shape hole we seem to insist on putting uh right there we've got so many of these so this one from someone called tom reed to the tune of 10 diddly dollars wait a minute, Tom Reed was the man from the photo. Hey boys, don't spend it all on lollies. Yes. I've emailed Tim's Gmail my true message
Starting point is 00:14:10 so as not to be curtailed by the PayPal word limit. Peace and love. What a smart young man. Yeah. He's shown a lot of promise and I think he's going to go far in the world.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Hope I'm doing this right. You are. They're all coming through. My phone is bloody blown up with notifications doing this right. You are. They're all coming through. My phone is bloody blown up with notifications from Timbatt. This one.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Woo! To the tune of 30 American dineros. That is hefty. That is hefty. Written by
Starting point is 00:14:37 Adrian Furby. Presumably the heir to the Furby Empire. Stop reading last names before you read the message, man. Wow. Come on, we've talked about this. Adrian Furby Empire. Stop reading last names before you read the message, man. Wow. Come on, we've talked about this. Adrian Furby's a public figure.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Best known for their controversial idea on Furby 2.0. What was that? They wanted to use real children's hair. Jesus. Yeah. That's way worse than what I thought you were going to lean into there. You can take that up with Adrian. But in the meantime, dudes, earlier this year,
Starting point is 00:15:08 I bailed up Guy outside the Town Hall of Melbourne, told him I love the potty, and refused to see his own comedy show. I still feel bad about this. In my defense, I had to go home and prepare dinner for my children. So to make up for it, please accept this donation. And now for the grim stuff. I think James Reid from The Feelers has the Collle's mum's face inside the MacBook Pro box. One more time, sorry, Guy?
Starting point is 00:15:33 I think James Reid from The Feelers has Zicole's mum's face inside the MacBook Pro box. He's playing a very long game. Zicole doesn't know who he's fucking with. It was a very long game. Zicoli doesn't know who he's fucking with. That actually adds up with regards to James Reid's very hefty and sort of unnecessarily hefty and freaky sounding vague threats and life affirmations or promises. How so?
Starting point is 00:15:59 It's like you don't even... Oh, you don't know the things I've seen. You don't even know the meaning of the word irreparable. That's the sort of level of crime. Yeah, I took a woman's face off. And the person whose face it is, I'm talking to her son right now. Surprise, it's your mum's face. That's intense.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Hey, thanks for that, mate. Yeah, thanks, Adrian. And don't worry about not coming to my show. The use of the word refuse is, makes it sound a lot more voluntary and therefore hurtful than what seems to have happened. Do you want to,
Starting point is 00:16:33 do you want to take one, Tim? Sure. I'll take one, Tim. This one's from, this one's from Margaret. Tim! It's just addressed to me. Old Spinlay.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Brave of you to put your email address online. Yeah, that's true. Ain't that the truth. Huge fan of the show for three seasons. Would I be better off moving from California to Abu Dhabi, Connecticut? Oh, there were commas in between. Have spoken with locals. This is ill-advised.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Or just scooting up to the san fernando valley for a better life given the times i know you're not open to discussing politics as a team uh not entirely true please do this anyway if i may be so bold to request i have five females on deck ready to travel and only one dog we're're all samanthas, but without any fabulous wardrobes. Also, does Zed... I'm having trouble here. Also, does Zed mean Zee in New Zealand? Tempted to ask who Brady the Rat King voted for,
Starting point is 00:17:36 but if I don't already know, I'm planning on skipping work today. Is that okay? Need your input. You're my favourite lad. Lot to unpack. Lot to unpack, Margaret. That is the sound of a person unraveling uh let's take the easiest one first yeah everywhere else in the world they pronounce the the final letter of the alphabet z i like to pronounce it z i think it's cooler it makes it
Starting point is 00:18:00 sound like the alphabet could keep going on forever. Z is a much more sort of final point on things. Yeah, that's true. I don't like the hard end. I like to think that the alphabet is cyclical. So I go Z-A-B-C. It just keeps going. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:18 What else do we have in there? I've got five females on deck ready to travel and one dog. Now we're taking that. Okay, so five females and deck ready to travel in one dog um now we're taking that uh okay so five females and one dog they're all cement this but without fabulous wardrobes okay and they i think they want to know um if they okay they've limited their travel plans to places where the movies we've watched have been set so california abu dhabi connect Connecticut, San Fernando Valley? Look, for me, it would be Connecticut. You know, Abu Dhabi is one of the options, eh?
Starting point is 00:18:53 Yeah. Tell me about Connecticut. Why are we going there? Well, this is exactly why I'd go because I can't tell you anything about Connecticut. I want to get on the ground, get some foot soldiers on deck and do some research. You're hungry to learn
Starting point is 00:19:05 yeah good on you um but we have any other questions abu dhabi is definitely uh i mean would be probably a much more exciting and sort of glamorous experience as told by sex in the city too it's told by ginger someone once told me the grass was much greener on the other side um i don't know how the middle bit goes but then he goes oh fuck i can't remember the last time it's like my grass is green great movie tv show i'm all over the map um i've got this thing but this thing runs so slow i don't even know if it's better than you fine are I've got these emails. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm good. Were there any other questions?
Starting point is 00:19:47 Yeah, there were a few. Tempted to ask who Brady the Rat King voted for, but I'm afraid I already know. Brady the Rat King was a Trump voter. No, I meant Hillary. Dang it. I'm not sure who he voted for. It's a secret ballot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:58 That's the beauty of the system. It's impossible to say. Planning on skipping work today. Of course that's okay. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Don't make Don't make a fucking habit
Starting point is 00:20:06 Of it though please But Skip it today Skip it When you This was sent four days ago Skip it when you feel Like it
Starting point is 00:20:13 Is what I'll say I'm not gonna say how much But let's say you feel Like doing it every day Oh That's what I was trying to avoid Follow your gut Okay
Starting point is 00:20:21 I got one for you Tim Off you go Five American Dollars Yeah Boy I was trying to avoid follow your gut okay I got one for you Tim off you go five American dollars yeah boy buyer
Starting point is 00:20:30 I like that it says they're a buyer they bought this oh yeah it's weird it depends how yeah I haven't quite figured that out
Starting point is 00:20:38 they come through differently for some reason Zach Holbrook safe to say is an American Democrat an overall reliantly righteous relatively
Starting point is 00:20:47 or reliably I like reliably righteous person oh fuck I read his whole name and now I'm reading about politics what up player
Starting point is 00:20:57 we'll find out if we need to edit this at the end today marked a major blow to both democracy and American and righteousness
Starting point is 00:21:04 on the whole. Trump won the presidency, and everything feels fucked. Thankfully, the world still has two beautiful boys, and this morning I was blessed with a friend's own podcast. Hearing you two enjoy each other's company is truly a delight. It really helped brighten my day and put things in perspective. As a small thanks for all that you do, I am a poor, poor college student. I've enclosed $5. I hope this message finds you warm-footed and cozy.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Zach Holbrook. Please read my name backwards to protect my anonymity. Okay. Okay, so you've just heard some bleeped out name, and now you know why. He has requested anonymity, and anonymity he shall be granted that is how we work in the friend zone uh yes written by
Starting point is 00:21:51 just leave it out now i have to bleep out a bunch of shit this is specifically what was requested okay the name read backwards fucking hell all right well what's even the point in bleeping it out then Okay, the name read backwards. Fucking hell. All right. Well, what's even the point in bleeping it out then? No, bleep them all. Bleep them all. Bleep them all out. Okay, I've bleeped them all out.
Starting point is 00:22:15 They're gone. Good job, buddy. Now, here's the thing about this. We've already, you know, this is three days ago, so stop bringing it up, even though I know you probably sent this on the day of the election. It's going to be okay, everyone. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:22:30 It's going to be all right. Andre. Oh, I don't know where to read from for the people who... Oh, yeah, this one's fucking good. Hey, guys. Never messaged, but am a big fan and tripped over something amazing. Fellas, it's Cheaper by the Dozen. Just finished watching and think that this little pocket of the early noughties
Starting point is 00:22:53 is one of the most incredibly confusing, bewildering movies of all time. If you need something to watch for the fourth season, I know it's coming. Please give Che cheaper by the dozen a chance watching cheaper by the dozen two once i finish work but we'll keep you guys posted i place the emphasis in weird places on that last one at a sweet 98 minutes screen time this is a movie for you boys and the sequel is only 94 minutes if that tickles your fancy. Fellas, we're talking
Starting point is 00:23:27 red-headed twins. No, red is spelled R-E-A-D. Red-headed twins. You can read them all day. Hilary Duff, child actors, dogs,
Starting point is 00:23:39 Steve Martin, Guy from Smallville, Ashton Kutcher, fat kids, gridiron boys. Oh, Gridiron Boys. Is that one word? Yeah. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:23:50 I've been spelling it wrong this whole time. Everything you could want in life, even a pet toad. And then I replied, I think I've watched Cheaper by the Dozen and fucking loved it. Don't know why. I think I watched it hungover. Love Steve Martin. And I find Hilary Duff very watchable and enjoyable a hot tip off andre and then he said um wow yeah boys thanks for the reply ps was a tad bit with mates when i watched it but nonetheless straight straight fire. Also, come to Brisbane, fellas. Need to get smashed with you boys.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Holy shit. He's an eager beaver and I love him for it, Andre. You're the man. I like the sound of Andre. A lot. I think I've seen one of them. The one where the family goes to a beach house, maybe. I want to say that's two.
Starting point is 00:24:44 This comes from Brian Edwards. a beach house maybe. I want to say that's two. This comes from Brian Edwards. Oh, every fucking time with you both names you just dive in. I know Brian. We all know Brian. But we didn't know it was Brian until you got to the end of the surname.
Starting point is 00:25:00 I read it before I said it. Did you? Yeah. I don't believe you for a goddamn second. That's as may it. Did you? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I don't believe you for a goddamn second. That's his may be. Would you put that sock full of pennies down and back off? I refuse. It's my penny sock. Okay, from Brian.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Timbo and Gai Gai, listening to your two emerged nightmare stories, I felt I had to help. Yes. Brian, you've already done so much for us. You made me smile the day after the US election, so this is more than deserved. Your pal, Brian in Toronto, Canada. Brian, you've already done so much for us. You made me smile the day after the US election, so this is more than deserved. Your pal, Brian in Toronto, Canada. Brian, thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:25:29 Hearing from you is always a joy. I actually follow Brian on Instagram, and he's been doing all these improv workshops, and I'm pretty sure his class group just graduated, so congrats to them. Yeah, maybe congrats. I'll actually find out that he's got a name. Here's the hierarchy of fans of our show
Starting point is 00:25:47 there will forever be the spirit of Lin-Manuel Miranda because I think he's listened to at least one episode at some point somewhere because he followed both you and I on Twitter we've also got the King Among Patricks he's got to take like
Starting point is 00:26:02 Lin-Manuel is kind of a god figure and then our head of state is a King Among Patricks he's got to take like lynn manuel is kind of a god figure and then our head of state is a king among patricks uh and and then brian edwards i think is kind of like the jack of spades we need a queen in there in the middle but he's he's very high ranking he's a face card and what a card we've met him i like that i never know what That guy's a card means But I've always liked The turn of phrase I think it's just An old British way Of saying someone's very
Starting point is 00:26:29 They're like electric They're a bit naughty A bit unpredictable That guy's a real card I always want to hang out With whoever Whoever's being described As a card
Starting point is 00:26:37 I'm like Fucking put me in there Yeah I think his improv troupe Is called Axe Throw So go check them out They are just starting.
Starting point is 00:26:46 I bet you they're perfect. Katie said, Sorry, got distracted. Dear boys, starting We Are Your Friends right now. The audio definitely isn't synced. Pray for me. Dedicatedly yours, Katie. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:04 What? You fucking idiot. She sent this a few days ago and i said good god katie that's not a good way to watch hope you did okay she said your concern is greatly appreciated i pushed through and i'm kind of ashamed to admit that i like the movie i mean it's awful but i still liked it perhaps i changed my mind 51 later. Hope you and your families are safe, by the way. This is in reference to the earthquake. Your loyal followers are thinking of you both. And then I said, there's no shame in that.
Starting point is 00:27:32 It's okay as a film. I remember that heady first watch. Seems like so long ago. To which Katie said, it is after all the Citizen Kane of our time. What up? Hey. I have got a, I'm glad that worked out okay it sounded crazy to me i've got an email here uh from i mean it's so tempting to read out
Starting point is 00:27:58 the name yeah well like it's from the sender title millie super secret oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and there's like dots and underscores and ads all over the place and we won't tell you which email provider but it's such a good one eh it's madness dearest spindly so hold on just to clarify for everyone what's going on here millie's like name that pops up in her email is Millie's super secret last name and it tickled me and I'm glad that you saw that as well man we're both enjoying it it's a good gag it's so good especially given the context of my reckless behavior with people's names really threw me for six or whatever the end of that saying is Darius Spinley Timberley Wimbley and Gungi I've been long enjoying the worst city of all time and with the end of that saying is. Dearest Spinley, Timberley, Wimbley and Gungi, I've been long enjoying
Starting point is 00:28:45 the West City of all time and with the release of your live Portland episode, I've finally seen my call to arms. I'm led to understand that you watched We Are Your Friends at 120 speed
Starting point is 00:28:54 for the San Francisco viewing. Oh, this one. And now 80% is penance during your Portland viewing. As your friend, I cannot allow this to stand. What?
Starting point is 00:29:03 As detailed in the attached document, you can see that you have spent an unnecessary eight minutes and 20 seconds watching We Are Your Friends, which can only be remedied by setting your next viewing to 109.0909% speed, a prox. I'm extremely pleased that my time at MIT, CERN, and Cambridge have finally amounted to something. CERN.
Starting point is 00:29:24 CERN. That's where the Large Hadron Collider is. It's the Underground European Particle Physics Lab. It's real shit, man. I don't know about it, but it sounds like the real shit. It finally amounted to something, and hope you'll be able to make the most of this information. Yours sincerely, Millie.
Starting point is 00:29:38 And there's an attached PDF. That means Millie's like a particle physicist. So, shall I read the equation out? Uh, no. Okay. Oh, well, there's words there, right? Yeah, there's words. Let's see how it sounds.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Spindly, Timbly, Wimbly, and Gaga. Some maths. So, let's suppose we watch a film at 120% speed. I like that mathematicians are always at the start super casual super inclusive like so we're all just doing some free thinking like there's no right or wrong fuck you're so right about that it's always like suddenly so imagine billy's got six pies and it's like easy i've got billy in my head with six pies No fucking worries They're like okay Now let's say Billy's got three friends
Starting point is 00:30:28 That's fine I've got no quarrel with that Now let's say Billy evenly divides the pies by the number of friends Fucking Let's not How many pies does Billy have Then right at the end they get you with the imperative Not let's say
Starting point is 00:30:43 Not if you want have a crack It's always tell me how many pies each friend gets yeah everything's relaxed and casual yeah it gets down to brass tacks like you bought into this you you read this far now fucking solve the problem solve the problem there are no other options for you now I've been trapped inside of this maths puzzle for 20 years the only way you can escape is by putting someone else in to take your place and that's you motherfucker okay so so maths so let's suppose we watch a film at 120 speed and they're at 80 speed have we spent the same amount of time watching as we would have twice at 100 yeah let's cut a long letter short and say she's got the math to back up the fact.
Starting point is 00:31:26 In other words, the only recourse is to watch at 109.0.0909% speed. Now, if Millie's listening, and I hope that she is, there are two things I'd like to say to her. The first one is your handwriting
Starting point is 00:31:41 is to die for. Oh my God. It is gorgeous. Yeah. Oh, my God. It is gorgeous. Yeah. Like, that is really attractive handwriting. Beautiful stuff. The second thing I'd like to say is get in touch with us, please, and let us know if we're allowed to post that letter that you wrote
Starting point is 00:32:00 with the amazing handwriting up on the Facebook. So I'd love to do it. Yeah. But, you know, it's your thing. So I'd love to do it. Yeah. But, you know, it's your thing. You sent it to us in privacy and good faith. So I want to get your permission first. It'll be some bloody lusty typography. A thirsty look at that handwriting. What's it called?
Starting point is 00:32:20 Cursive. Hey, what was at the end as well? Millie's done us the kindness of figuring out what the differential is as well and how it relates to the next watch i think she said in closing you should be watching the next one at 109 percent speed or something we won't be doing that um i appreciate you trying to get it on the level but nah man nah man lily writes timbly and gaibo thanks for the laughs i'm sure i'm not the only worst idea listener who has really needed them lately please keep doing what you're doing
Starting point is 00:32:53 it's more important than you know sorry for getting sentimental from your friend lily hey lily never be sorry for getting sentimental that's what we provide this space for. So long as you aren't coming in here with a laptop box featuring one of our parents' dismembered faces or trying to trap us in a maths problem that you've yourself been entombed within for the last 20 years, then you're welcome to come into the studio and get sentimental as and when you need. Those are literally the only two limitations on your ability to get sentimental.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Otherwise, we've got a pretty open-door policy. Open-door. If the throw's a deer, we'll do it. I think that might be it, Guy. Yeah, I feel like we've had a good time. Even we know. We have. And before we go, I would just like to say a huge shout out to Grant Stoll or Verbs Selector.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Now, he showed us a phenomenal time when we were in Portland. He was like a de facto spokesperson for the city. It was tremendous. And he showed us around. He took us to all the cool places. And we recorded an episode. He hosts the podcast. He's quite a prominent DJ and producer in Portland.
Starting point is 00:34:12 And he hosts a podcast called Crate Diggers where he has people along to talk about songs that they like and the experience with them or why they like them or what it makes them think of or remember. And we did it and had a fantastic time. And that is being released. He was teasing it today on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:34:26 It's probably out now. Oh, it is. Yeah, if you go to at crate underscore diggers, the episode's up there for Mixcloud. Or you can just go to cratediggers.net.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Or if you want to follow Verbs, he's at Verbs. It's got a Z in it. Yeah. And on Instagram, at Verbs the Kid. He's a great guy. It's got a Z in it. Yeah. And on Instagram, at Verbs the kid. He's a great guy. But he's the man.
Starting point is 00:34:50 In fact, do us a fucking favor. Follow Verbs. Just flick him a wee message. Go, hey, Timbo and Gaga sent me. It'll make his day. Because he really was a gentleman. Yeah, he truly was. We had a great time recording it. So I look forward to hearing the results.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Holy shit, he's even done some artwork for the episode and he's changed all the Twitter on crate diggers to this image. And it's of us in, what is it called, Mission Control? That barcade? Ground Control. Ground Control. Playing Time Crisis 2. Yeah, the guns.
Starting point is 00:35:20 That photo he took of us with the guns. Bloody good stuff. Yeah, that was hella cool. Okay, everybody, that's enough of us wanking on for one session So next time you hear from us We will be watching We Are Your Friends For the
Starting point is 00:35:32 24th time 24th time We've also got coming up Very special Our second viewing Of Paul Blunt Mall Cop 2 Oh Cause American Thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:35:43 It comes quicker every god damn year and this is a special time of year where we team up with the Brothers McElroy I'm talking your Justins your Travi your Griffins Travis has formed another person and will be playing the role of two brothers
Starting point is 00:36:00 they're in our four it's madness and so we like to get together annually and watch paul blart mall cop 2 we will be doing it as is tradition catch up uh i think we've still hopefully got um itunes.com slash deathblart and i think we might be deathblart.com the name of the show is till death do us blart but um we kind of use death blart as the hashtag i gotta say tim for what promised to be a succinct and efficient wrap up you really let that one get away from you uh that's all from us save it to say um i hope you're doing really well out there uh and uh and that's it from us so, should have finished on that last one, really.
Starting point is 00:36:54 And that's it from us. So, we'll catch you next time. Thanks for sticking around to the end of the recording which is still going you got anything to add tim so we will see you soon next time on the worst idea Best idea of all time happening on a podcast near you. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try The Male Gaze? It's The Male Gaze.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Gladiator, Braveheart, all the same movie. You have to admit, those are very similar movies with two very similar men. Yeah, they're both. To be honest, all straight men look the same to me. If I was to sum up The genre of those movies The genre of those movies Is listen to me
Starting point is 00:38:09 They're both male And they're both gay So may I Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah
Starting point is 00:38:15 Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah

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