The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Twenty Seven
Episode Date: November 14, 2016GuyGuy's dropping names with reckless abandon and Timbo's got socks full of loose change. The boiz tackle qustions such as; Where should four Samanthas and one dog go to vacation? Is Cheaper By The Do...zen 2 a good movie? What does it mean to be 'a card'? Letters from truck drivers, particle physicists and everyone in between. We really have the best friends, don't we folks?Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This is a Little Empire Podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at LittleEmpirePod.
Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time.
Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time.
Tim and Guy.
Hello and welcome along to another edition of the Friend Zone.
A time for friendship.
Yeah, above all else.
Here we all are.
We are all here, as we planned.
Always a relief when we both make it um and we're going well thank you very much uh to everyone who
reached out to us today uh of course in new zealand it is monday the 14th of november and
we had some pretty uh scary shakes uh overnight and i woke up i slept through them all completely
they have it in the south island um thankfully both of our families as far as i know are fine and woke up i had no idea and it's
always confusing you wake up to a flurry of messages saying are you okay yeah because then
sometimes you think that something's happened that you've kind of forgot about like something's wrong
with you but you forgot yeah like you got blackout drunk the night before yes and made some
terrible decisions well that like traditionally that is the most likely scenario scenario if you
think across your life whenever you've woken up and had a flurry of messages going are you okay
like odds on it's been after you've gotten to a little tornado of jack daniels and there's been
outcomes to the decisions you made whilst in the eye of the storm.
That require a second look.
A second look.
It wasn't that, though.
It was not that, no.
And a lot of those messages, obviously from friends and family, were also from friends
and family over at Worst Idea of All Time Incorporated.
And it was so lovely.
So thanks for checking in on us we're both going great
absolutely thank you so much and our thoughts are with everyone who isn't so fortunate to live
far away from where they are wreaking absolute havoc true true that um should we dip into the
message pool as always it's like the looking pool but there's words there and money oh this message
i imagine there would be a sort of smattering of loose change at the bottom of the looking pool
let me just check oh there is i could just grab a handful of it
you're always carrying around small socks filled with change now I don't like it
Because I don't trust the banking system
Jeremy writes
Dear TimTamBat and GuyMoticalo
I don't know if anyone has told you this
As it's been a while since you've mentioned it
But remember that Kim Cattrall video
Where she's skedding along to her husband's double bass
That is not improvised
It's a real poem
Here are the lyrics And then there's a real poem here are the lyrics
and then there's a URL
make of this what you will
and please feel free to let Rose and Alice know
I haven't
oh because they mentioned the same video
on bonus of the heart
I have enclosed 20.61 Australian dollar dues
to help the boys break even
you may use my name
but only if you say it in a sexy Aussie timbre
what is his name? oh you're so much better at voices than me You may use my name, but only if you say it in a sexy Aussie timbro.
What is his name?
You're so much better at voices than me.
No, you've got it.
You've got this.
Because I don't want to do any warm-up.
I've just got to dive into the accent for the name.
You never look down to him.
You just jump into the water, you know?
You're already looking down.
I can't get Australia, though, in my head.
Now I'm freaking out.
Australia. Oh, see? Now I feel like I've cheated. No, you've got it. you looking down i can't get australia though in my head now i'm freaking out australia oh i see
now i feel like i've cheated no you've got it jeremy car yes whoa tim are you still here i
thought for a second uh jeremy car was in the room i'll tell you what i'm going to gloss over this uh
this voice work and i'm going to go to the url live on here could you now something called
rupertbrook.com slash poems slash appendix slash the underscore little underscore dogs underscore
day all his life he'd been he'd been good as far as he could tell no wait that's not it oh no oh
hold on all in the town was still asleep when the sun came up with a shout and a leap.
In the lovely streets unseen by man, a little dog danced and the day began.
All his life he'd been good, as far as he could.
And the poor little beast had done all he should.
But the morning he swore by Odin and Thor.
And the canine Valhalla.
He'd stand it no more.
So his prey got grunted to do what he wanted.
Prevented by a nun for the space of one day.
We broke this game.
Jam and Cepedo.
Sidemi. Facebo.
In the dog Latin, he quotes,
Ugi Sophos, hooray!
And he fought with the he-dogs and winked at the she-dogs,
a thing that had never been heard of before.
For the stigma of gluttony, I cannot abutton he,
cried and ate all he could swallow
And more
He took away swiney lumps
From the shines of old frumps
And mangled the errand boys
When he could get them
He shamed furious rabies
And bit all the babies
And followed the cats up the trees
And then ate them
They thought he was the devil
Was holding a rebel And sent for the parson to drive him
away.
For the town never knew such a hell of a loo as that little dog raised till the end of
the day when the blood red sun had gone bearing down and the lights were lit in the little
room.
Outside in the gloom of the twilight grey,
the little dog died
when he'd had his day.
Hey, great reading.
Is that a famous poem?
I don't think so.
It was copyrighted in,
oh, 1907.
I thought they said July 1997.
Wow.
It's called The Little Dog's Day
if you want to look it up
and I'm assuming it is by the poet
rupert brooke i've just been told as a poet we uh obviously incorrectly thought that uh when we saw
an edited video with patches of kim cattrall singing that over her husband's double bass
that she might have been riffing and scatting her way through well she the way she does it
is very riffy and scatty.
I remembered some of the lines.
That hullabaloo line.
Whew.
That was cooking.
I love that.
I think I might have heard of this guy.
He was an English poet known for his idealistic war sonnets
written during the First World War.
And he wrote a poem called The Soldier,
which I have a vague memory of reading in high school.
Hey, thank you for taking us this that us on that deep dive
jeremy jeremy car jeremy car how about it uh look i don't really have a short one if you need time
i need heaps of time bro oh do you oh is it not working out for you so good that's all right
we could um you do um... Here's one.
Read your short one.
Oliver.
Dear Timbo and Guy Guy, a short email.
Will you be renaming the podcast in light of the American election?
Cheers, Oliver.
I see.
You see what he's done there?
Yeah, I do.
We will not.
And this one's from Morgan.
Hey, guys.
Recently, lots touched with the podcast due to having so many awesome podcasts to listen to
how do you feel about that firstly guy
I feel like it's an
excellent backhanded compliment
10 points
kind of showing off eh
I'm so sorry we haven't caught up I've just been so busy
hanging out with other cool people
glamorous attractive friends
the live show ep 23 was a great point to rejoin.
Love the show.
I'm a wedding photographer and often drive home late after long days,
and shows like yours make that drive a lot safer and easier.
Thanks.
I've got a theory.
Perhaps one of the fuckboys killed Squirrel as he revealed to them
that he was going to tell Zuccoli that his song was really shithouse.
Oh, I like it.
If Zuccoli was told his song was rubbish,
they'd most likely not be able to ride his coattails to Summerfest.
Of course, the boys couldn't let that happen.
Skrill had to go.
And then there's an emoji which is...
I'm trying to describe this for you.
We've got two closed eyes, an open mouth,
everything's pointed skyward,
and maybe a snot bubble being blown wow yeah
probably someone who's feels like they've had a huge thought maybe it's a eureka emoji
i really like that theory it's interesting because uh obviously the cost of um
them killing squirrel so ironically they they didn't want squirrel to tell the coley
because then they couldn't get free tickets to summerfest but the act of killing squirrel meant
that the friendship group group break broke up anyway and they didn't go to summerfest either
way so they just killed a man in cold blood for no reason yeah but you don't this is the law of
unintended consequences you don't always know what's going to happen so you just you got to make decisions based on your best information at the time i feel like if you
kill someone yeah and the sole motive for killing them was because they were going to stop you from
getting free tickets to a concert there's no way even if you were in you know at loggerheads over
divvying up the responsibility and how you're going to deal with it. There's no way you wouldn't go to that concert.
You killed him.
Otherwise, you just killed your mate.
So you're saying they should have gone anyway?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that's fine.
I mean, yeah, if that's the thing they fucked up,
I guess that's a different conversation.
They didn't fuck up the doing the killing in your mind.
The only thing they did wrong is not go to the gig afterwards yeah okay it's a hot take um another one from me
how are you going to do yours i can i can just read i can just read out
ran a random smattering of recent correspondence
oh it does not turn the tags it doesn't have the tags no let me try and get on
a different thing okay tom writes my dearest jabronis spintimwim and grandmaster flash
i've been enjoying your boys's work for a while now and felt it was time to throw a few pennies
your way you deserve far more for the literally days of entertainment you have provided but as i am a broke ass student i hope my pocket scrapings will suffice as a woolly
pacifist i never thought i would donate money to support the troops but god damn do i support the
war you guys are waging against your own sanity inspired by your cinematic sadomasochistic journey
my friend sam and i have undertaken the herculean task of
watching every nick cage uh every film nicholas cage has ever been in and chronicling our struggles
with our own podcast podcage working title i've attached a picture of me wearing patty schwartz
my patty schwartz t-shirt whilst recording thanks again for putting yourselves through this so we
don't have to i leave you with a final gift each.
Kiss, kiss.
P.S.
It turns out prawn salad episodes are much harder than you make them seem.
Instead of going on mad flights of imagination, my co-host Sam just became sleepy and unresponsive.
Ah.
Well, there you go.
That is a super sweet email, Tom.
And the photo's dope too.
Very comically written.
Can I see the photo, please?
Oh, it's going to be so hard.
Something's going to unplug.
No, believe in yourself.
That is what Tom looks like.
I'm so glad we did this for the podcast.
A non-visual medium.
It looks like he's concentrating pretty hard on that photo.
Here's the thing about that
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news
That format sounds familiar
I think there might be one of those
Cage cast
Yeah
There's every chance there is
Pod cage
This one's pod cage
The existing one is probably cage cast
Pod cage
It works both ways, doesn't it?
You can't do it with Nick
Because there's too many nicks
in the world but i guess the cage is that's the label that's how you know what's on the tin do you
like nicholas cage uh nah he terrifies me eh he's too frightening to like i saw him oh i was watching
uh he always looks like he's trying to give someone a fright that's the way his face is
configured he looks like he's trying to give himself a fright That's the way his face is configured He looks like he's trying to give himself a fright in a weird way
He's one of those people who's kind of like
Maybe he's perpetually giving himself a fright
And the consequence of that is his face is constantly frightening
And he's constantly frightened
He's sort of like a walking talking scream mask
From the movie
Yeah
It's not good stuff
I like him though
How are we going to get you some of these I'm going to forward some emails to you So you've got something to read What's happening guys from the movie. Yeah. It's not good stuff. I like him though.
How are we going to get you some of these?
I'm going to forward some emails to you so you've got something to read.
What's happening, guys,
is we put aside the messages on the Facebook and stuff,
but Guy's doing it on his phone.
It doesn't give the put away place.
You can't see the little cave.
It's terrible because more than that,
Facebook have made it impossible to check your messages
through anything but the application.
Are you serious?
No, I can do it on my Android.
Wait a minute, Messenger?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But even the one for the Worst Idea Facebook page.
They're making me.
Oh, God.
It's a social media nightmare, everyone.
I'm so glad you're on this journey with us to figure it all out.
Tim's helping out,
and I'm ready to claw our way out of this disastrous administration shape hole we seem to
insist on putting uh right there we've got so many of these so this one from someone called tom reed
to the tune of 10 diddly dollars wait a minute, Tom Reed was the man from the photo. Hey boys,
don't spend it all
on lollies.
Yes.
I've emailed Tim's Gmail
my true message
so as not to be curtailed
by the PayPal word limit.
Peace and love.
What a smart young man.
Yeah.
He's shown a lot of promise
and I think he's going
to go far in the world.
Hope I'm doing this right.
You are.
They're all coming through.
My phone is bloody blown up with notifications doing this right. You are. They're all coming through. My phone is bloody
blown up
with notifications
from Timbatt.
This one.
Woo!
To the tune of
30
American
dineros.
That is hefty.
That is hefty.
Written by
Adrian Furby.
Presumably the heir
to the Furby Empire.
Stop reading last names
before you read the message, man.
Wow. Come on, we've talked about this. Adrian Furby Empire. Stop reading last names before you read the message, man. Wow.
Come on, we've talked about this.
Adrian Furby's a public figure.
Best known for their controversial idea on Furby 2.0.
What was that?
They wanted to use real children's hair.
Jesus.
Yeah.
That's way worse than what I thought you were going to lean into there.
You can take that up with Adrian.
But in the meantime, dudes, earlier this year,
I bailed up Guy outside the Town Hall of Melbourne,
told him I love the potty, and refused to see his own comedy show.
I still feel bad about this.
In my defense, I had to go home and prepare dinner for my children.
So to make up for it, please accept this donation.
And now for the grim stuff.
I think James Reid from The Feelers has the Collle's mum's face inside the MacBook Pro box.
One more time, sorry, Guy?
I think James Reid from The Feelers has Zicole's mum's face inside the MacBook Pro box.
He's playing a very long game.
Zicole doesn't know who he's fucking with.
It was a very long game.
Zicoli doesn't know who he's fucking with.
That actually adds up with regards to James Reid's very hefty and sort of unnecessarily hefty and freaky sounding vague threats
and life affirmations or promises.
How so?
It's like you don't even...
Oh, you don't know the things I've seen.
You don't even know the meaning of the word irreparable.
That's the sort of level of crime.
Yeah, I took a woman's face off.
And the person whose face it is, I'm talking to her son right now.
Surprise, it's your mum's face.
That's intense.
Hey, thanks for that, mate.
Yeah, thanks, Adrian.
And don't worry about not coming to my show.
The use of the word refuse is,
makes it sound a lot more
voluntary and therefore hurtful
than what seems to have happened.
Do you want to,
do you want to take one, Tim?
Sure.
I'll take one, Tim.
This one's from,
this one's from Margaret.
Tim!
It's just addressed to me.
Old Spinlay.
Brave of you to put your email address online.
Yeah, that's true.
Ain't that the truth.
Huge fan of the show for three seasons.
Would I be better off moving from California to Abu Dhabi, Connecticut?
Oh, there were commas in between.
Have spoken with locals.
This is ill-advised.
Or just scooting up to the san fernando valley
for a better life given the times i know you're not open to discussing politics as a team
uh not entirely true please do this anyway if i may be so bold to request i have five females
on deck ready to travel and only one dog we're're all samanthas, but without any fabulous wardrobes.
Also, does Zed...
I'm having trouble here.
Also, does Zed mean Zee in New Zealand?
Tempted to ask who Brady the Rat King voted for,
but if I don't already know, I'm planning on skipping work today.
Is that okay?
Need your input.
You're my favourite lad.
Lot to unpack.
Lot to unpack, Margaret.
That is the sound of a person unraveling uh let's take the easiest one first yeah everywhere else in the world they pronounce
the the final letter of the alphabet z i like to pronounce it z i think it's cooler it makes it
sound like the alphabet could keep going on forever. Z is a much more sort of final point on things.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't like the hard end.
I like to think that the alphabet is cyclical.
So I go Z-A-B-C.
It just keeps going.
Yeah.
Okay.
What else do we have in there?
I've got five females on deck ready to travel and one dog.
Now we're taking that.
Okay, so five females and deck ready to travel in one dog um now we're taking that uh okay so five females and one dog they're all cement this but without fabulous wardrobes okay and they i think they
want to know um if they okay they've limited their travel plans to places where the movies
we've watched have been set so california abu dhabi connect Connecticut, San Fernando Valley?
Look, for me, it would be Connecticut.
You know, Abu Dhabi is one of the options, eh?
Yeah.
Tell me about Connecticut.
Why are we going there? Well, this is exactly why I'd go
because I can't tell you anything about Connecticut.
I want to get on the ground,
get some foot soldiers on deck
and do some research.
You're hungry to learn
yeah good on you um but we have any other questions abu dhabi is definitely uh i mean would be probably
a much more exciting and sort of glamorous experience as told by sex in the city too
it's told by ginger someone once told me the grass was much greener on the other side um i don't know how the middle
bit goes but then he goes oh fuck i can't remember the last time it's like my grass is green
great movie tv show i'm all over the map um i've got this thing but this thing runs so slow i don't
even know if it's better than you fine are I've got these emails. Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Were there any other questions?
Yeah, there were a few.
Tempted to ask who Brady the Rat King voted for, but I'm afraid I already know.
Brady the Rat King was a Trump voter.
No, I meant Hillary.
Dang it.
I'm not sure who he voted for.
It's a secret ballot.
Yeah.
That's the beauty of the system.
It's impossible to say.
Planning on skipping work today.
Of course that's okay.
Of course.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't make
Don't make a fucking habit
Of it though please
But
Skip it today
Skip it
When you
This was sent four days ago
Skip it when you feel
Like it
Is what I'll say
I'm not gonna say how much
But let's say you feel
Like doing it every day
Oh
That's what I was trying to avoid
Follow your gut
Okay
I got one for you Tim
Off you go
Five American Dollars Yeah Boy I was trying to avoid follow your gut okay I got one for you Tim off you go five
American
dollars
yeah
boy
buyer
I like that
it says they're a buyer
they bought this
oh yeah
it's weird
it depends how
yeah
I haven't quite figured that out
they come through differently
for some reason
Zach Holbrook
safe to say
is an American Democrat
an overall
reliantly righteous
relatively
or reliably
I like reliably
righteous person
oh fuck
I read his whole name
and now I'm reading
about politics
what up player
we'll find out
if we need to edit
this at the end
today marked
a major blow
to both democracy
and American
and righteousness
on the whole.
Trump won the presidency, and everything feels fucked.
Thankfully, the world still has two beautiful boys, and this morning I was blessed with a friend's own podcast.
Hearing you two enjoy each other's company is truly a delight.
It really helped brighten my day and put things in perspective.
As a small thanks for all that you do, I am a poor, poor college student.
I've enclosed $5.
I hope this message finds you warm-footed and cozy.
Zach Holbrook.
Please read my name backwards to protect my anonymity.
Okay.
Okay, so you've just heard some bleeped out name,
and now you know why.
He has requested anonymity,
and anonymity he shall be
granted that is how we work in the friend zone uh yes written by
just leave it out now i have to bleep out a bunch of shit this is specifically what
was requested okay the name read backwards
fucking hell all right well what's even the point in bleeping it out then Okay, the name read backwards. Fucking hell. All right.
Well, what's even the point in bleeping it out then?
No, bleep them all.
Bleep them all.
Bleep them all out.
Okay, I've bleeped them all out.
They're gone.
Good job, buddy.
Now, here's the thing about this.
We've already, you know, this is three days ago,
so stop bringing it up,
even though I know you probably sent this on the day of the election.
It's going to be okay, everyone.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
It's going to be all right.
Andre.
Oh, I don't know where to read from for the people who...
Oh, yeah, this one's fucking good.
Hey, guys.
Never messaged, but am a big fan and tripped over something amazing.
Fellas, it's Cheaper by the Dozen.
Just finished watching and think that this little pocket of the early noughties
is one of the most incredibly confusing, bewildering movies of all time.
If you need something to watch for the fourth season, I know it's coming.
Please give Che cheaper by the dozen
a chance watching cheaper by the dozen two once i finish work but we'll keep you guys posted i
place the emphasis in weird places on that last one at a sweet 98 minutes screen time this is a
movie for you boys and the sequel is only 94 minutes if that tickles your fancy.
Fellas,
we're talking
red-headed twins.
No, red is spelled
R-E-A-D.
Red-headed twins.
You can read them all day.
Hilary Duff,
child actors,
dogs,
Steve Martin,
Guy from Smallville,
Ashton Kutcher,
fat kids,
gridiron boys. Oh, Gridiron Boys.
Is that one word?
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
I've been spelling it wrong this whole time.
Everything you could want in life, even a pet toad.
And then I replied, I think I've watched Cheaper by the Dozen and fucking loved it.
Don't know why.
I think I watched it hungover. Love Steve Martin.
And I find Hilary Duff very watchable and enjoyable a hot tip off andre and then he said um wow yeah boys thanks for the
reply ps was a tad bit with mates when i watched it but nonetheless straight straight fire. Also, come to Brisbane, fellas.
Need to get smashed with you boys.
Holy shit.
He's an eager beaver and I love him for it, Andre.
You're the man.
I like the sound of Andre.
A lot.
I think I've seen one of them.
The one where the family goes to a beach house, maybe.
I want to say that's two.
This comes from Brian Edwards. a beach house maybe. I want to say that's two.
This comes from Brian
Edwards. Oh, every
fucking time with you both names
you just dive in. I know
Brian. We all know Brian.
But we didn't know it was Brian until
you got to the end of the surname.
I read it before I said it. Did you?
Yeah. I don't believe you
for a goddamn second. That's as may it. Did you? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I don't believe you for a goddamn second.
That's his may be.
Would you put that sock full of pennies down and back off?
I refuse.
It's my penny sock.
Okay, from Brian.
Timbo and Gai Gai, listening to your two emerged nightmare stories,
I felt I had to help.
Yes.
Brian, you've already done so much for us.
You made me smile the day after the US election,
so this is more than deserved. Your pal, Brian in Toronto, Canada. Brian, you've already done so much for us. You made me smile the day after the US election, so this is more than deserved.
Your pal, Brian in Toronto, Canada.
Brian, thank you so much.
Hearing from you is always a joy.
I actually follow Brian on Instagram,
and he's been doing all these improv workshops,
and I'm pretty sure his class group just graduated,
so congrats to them.
Yeah, maybe congrats.
I'll actually find out that he's got a name.
Here's the hierarchy of fans of our show
there will forever be the spirit
of Lin-Manuel Miranda
because I think he's listened to at least one episode
at some point somewhere
because he followed both you and I on Twitter
we've also got
the King Among Patricks
he's got to take like
Lin-Manuel is kind of a god figure and then our head of state is a King Among Patricks he's got to take like lynn manuel is kind of a god figure and then our head of state
is a king among patricks uh and and then brian edwards i think is kind of like the jack of spades
we need a queen in there in the middle but he's he's very high ranking he's a face card and what
a card we've met him i like that i never know what That guy's a card means But I've always liked
The turn of phrase
I think it's just
An old British way
Of saying someone's very
They're like electric
They're a bit naughty
A bit unpredictable
That guy's a real card
I always want to hang out
With whoever
Whoever's being described
As a card
I'm like
Fucking put me in there
Yeah
I think his improv troupe
Is called
Axe Throw
So go check them out
They are just starting.
I bet you they're perfect.
Katie said,
Sorry, got distracted.
Dear boys, starting We Are Your Friends right now.
The audio definitely isn't synced.
Pray for me.
Dedicatedly yours, Katie.
I'm sorry.
What?
You fucking idiot. She sent this a few days ago and i said good god katie that's not a good way to watch hope you did okay she said your concern is greatly
appreciated i pushed through and i'm kind of ashamed to admit that i like the movie i mean
it's awful but i still liked it perhaps i changed my mind 51 later. Hope you and your families are safe, by the way.
This is in reference to the earthquake.
Your loyal followers are thinking of you both.
And then I said,
there's no shame in that.
It's okay as a film.
I remember that heady first watch.
Seems like so long ago.
To which Katie said,
it is after all the Citizen Kane of our time.
What up?
Hey.
I have got a, I'm glad that worked out okay it sounded crazy to me i've got an email here uh from i mean it's so tempting to read out
the name yeah well like it's from the sender title millie super secret oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and there's
like dots and underscores and ads all over the place and we won't tell you which email provider
but it's such a good one eh it's madness dearest spindly so hold on just to clarify for everyone
what's going on here millie's like name that pops up in her email is Millie's super secret last name and
it tickled me and I'm glad that you saw that as well man we're both enjoying it it's a good gag
it's so good especially given the context of my reckless behavior with people's names
really threw me for six or whatever the end of that saying is Darius Spinley Timberley Wimbley
and Gungi I've been long enjoying the worst city of all time and with the end of that saying is. Dearest Spinley, Timberley, Wimbley and Gungi, I've been long enjoying
the West City of all time
and with the release
of your live Portland episode,
I've finally seen my call to arms.
I'm led to understand
that you watched
We Are Your Friends
at 120 speed
for the San Francisco viewing.
Oh, this one.
And now 80%
is penance during
your Portland viewing.
As your friend,
I cannot allow this to stand.
What?
As detailed in the attached document,
you can see that you have spent an unnecessary eight minutes
and 20 seconds watching We Are Your Friends,
which can only be remedied by setting your next viewing
to 109.0909% speed, a prox.
I'm extremely pleased that my time at MIT, CERN, and Cambridge
have finally amounted to something.
CERN.
CERN.
That's where the Large Hadron Collider is.
It's the Underground European Particle Physics Lab.
It's real shit, man.
I don't know about it, but it sounds like the real shit.
It finally amounted to something,
and hope you'll be able to make the most of this information.
Yours sincerely, Millie.
And there's an attached PDF.
That means Millie's like a particle physicist.
So, shall I read the equation out?
Uh, no.
Okay.
Oh, well, there's words there, right?
Yeah, there's words.
Let's see how it sounds.
Spindly, Timbly, Wimbly, and Gaga.
Some maths.
So, let's suppose we watch a film at 120% speed.
I like that mathematicians are always at the start
super casual super inclusive like so we're all just doing some free thinking like there's no
right or wrong fuck you're so right about that it's always like suddenly so imagine billy's got
six pies and it's like easy i've got billy in my head with six pies No fucking worries They're like okay Now let's say
Billy's got three friends
That's fine I've got no quarrel with that
Now let's say
Billy evenly divides the pies by the number of friends
Fucking
Let's not
How many pies does Billy have
Then right at the end they get you with the imperative
Not let's say
Not if you want have a crack It's always tell me how many pies each friend gets yeah everything's relaxed and
casual yeah it gets down to brass tacks like you bought into this you you read this far now
fucking solve the problem solve the problem there are no other options for you now I've been trapped
inside of this maths puzzle for 20 years the only way you can escape is by putting someone else in
to take your place and that's you motherfucker okay so so maths so let's suppose we watch a
film at 120 speed and they're at 80 speed have we spent the same amount of time watching as we
would have twice at 100 yeah let's cut a long letter short and say she's got the math
to back up the fact.
In other words,
the only recourse is to watch
at 109.0.0909% speed.
Now, if Millie's listening,
and I hope that she is,
there are two things
I'd like to say to her.
The first one is your handwriting
is to die for.
Oh my God.
It is gorgeous. Yeah. Oh, my God. It is gorgeous.
Yeah.
Like, that is really attractive handwriting.
Beautiful stuff.
The second thing I'd like to say is get in touch with us, please,
and let us know if we're allowed to post that letter that you wrote
with the amazing handwriting up on the Facebook.
So I'd love to do it.
Yeah. But, you know, it's your thing. So I'd love to do it. Yeah.
But, you know, it's your thing.
You sent it to us in privacy and good faith.
So I want to get your permission first. It'll be some bloody lusty typography.
A thirsty look at that handwriting.
What's it called?
Cursive.
Hey, what was at the end as well?
Millie's done us the
kindness of figuring out what the differential is as well and how it relates to the next watch
i think she said in closing you should be watching the next one at 109 percent speed or something
we won't be doing that um i appreciate you trying to get it on the level but nah man
nah man lily writes timbly and gaibo thanks for the laughs i'm sure i'm not
the only worst idea listener who has really needed them lately please keep doing what you're doing
it's more important than you know sorry for getting sentimental from your friend lily hey
lily never be sorry for getting sentimental that's what we provide this space for. So long as you aren't coming in here with a laptop box
featuring one of our parents' dismembered faces
or trying to trap us in a maths problem
that you've yourself been entombed within for the last 20 years,
then you're welcome to come into the studio
and get sentimental as and when you need.
Those are literally the only two limitations on your ability to get sentimental.
Otherwise, we've got a pretty open-door policy.
Open-door.
If the throw's a deer, we'll do it.
I think that might be it, Guy.
Yeah, I feel like we've had a good time.
Even we know.
We have.
And before we go, I would just like to say a huge shout out to Grant Stoll or Verbs Selector.
Now, he showed us a phenomenal time when we were in Portland.
He was like a de facto spokesperson for the city.
It was tremendous.
And he showed us around.
He took us to all the cool places.
And we recorded an episode.
He hosts the podcast.
He's quite a prominent DJ and producer in Portland.
And he hosts a podcast called Crate Diggers
where he has people along to talk about songs that they like
and the experience with them or why they like them
or what it makes them think of or remember.
And we did it and had a fantastic time.
And that is being released.
He was teasing it today
on Twitter.
It's probably out now.
Oh, it is.
Yeah, if you go to
at crate underscore diggers,
the episode's up there
for Mixcloud.
Or you can just go to
cratediggers.net.
Or if you want to follow Verbs,
he's at Verbs.
It's got a Z in it.
Yeah.
And on Instagram,
at Verbs the Kid. He's a great guy. It's got a Z in it. Yeah. And on Instagram, at Verbs the kid.
He's a great guy.
But he's the man.
In fact, do us a fucking favor.
Follow Verbs.
Just flick him a wee message.
Go, hey, Timbo and Gaga sent me.
It'll make his day.
Because he really was a gentleman.
Yeah, he truly was. We had a great time recording it.
So I look forward to hearing the results.
Holy shit, he's even done some artwork for the episode
and he's changed all the Twitter on crate diggers to this image.
And it's of us in, what is it called, Mission Control?
That barcade?
Ground Control.
Ground Control.
Playing Time Crisis 2.
Yeah, the guns.
That photo he took of us with the guns.
Bloody good stuff.
Yeah, that was hella cool.
Okay, everybody, that's enough of us wanking on for one session
So next time you hear from us
We will be watching
We Are Your Friends
For the
24th time
24th time
We've also got coming up
Very special
Our second viewing
Of Paul Blunt Mall Cop 2
Oh
Cause American Thanksgiving
It comes quicker every god damn year
and this is a special time of year
where we team up with the Brothers McElroy
I'm talking your Justins
your Travi
your Griffins
Travis has formed another person
and will be playing the role of two brothers
they're in our four
it's madness
and so we like to get together annually and watch
paul blart mall cop 2 we will be doing it as is tradition catch up uh i think we've still
hopefully got um itunes.com slash deathblart and i think we might be deathblart.com the name of the
show is till death do us blart but um we kind of use death blart as the hashtag i gotta say tim for what promised to be a succinct and efficient wrap up you really let that one get
away from you uh that's all from us save it to say um i hope you're doing really well out there
uh and uh and that's it from us so, should have finished on that last one, really.
And that's it from us.
So, we'll catch you next time.
Thanks for sticking around
to the end of the recording which is still going
you got anything to add tim so we will see you soon next time on the worst idea Best idea of all time happening on a podcast near you.
Thanks for listening to this podcast.
If you're thirsty for another, why not try The Male Gaze?
It's The Male Gaze.
Gladiator, Braveheart, all the same movie.
You have to admit, those are very similar movies with two very similar men.
Yeah, they're both.
To be honest, all straight men look the same to me.
If I was to sum up
The genre of those movies
The genre of those movies
Is listen to me
They're both male
And they're both gay
So may I
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah