The Worst Idea Of All Time - Podcast In A Tree 7

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Controversial trees are hosting Guy and Tim's final adventure of Podcast In A Tree. Tim is consternated and potentially constipated due his tech equipment hanging from a tree and falls ill mid-episode as a result of Drugs in A Tree. Nevermind that because our friend, the great and powerful Alice Snedden joins us. She’s got the highest threshold for pain in her entire friend group and has been experimenting with different alternative medicines. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of Podcasting the Tree. It's the only podcast that comes to you from a tree, delivered by, I was going to say 50%. I'd say 35% my mouth, Tim Batt. You say 35%. 35% because we've got guests. I see. And what, do I take 35% and then we allot 30% to... I think so.

It's important that we assert dominance over our guests and that's what that 5% difference is. One of the main ways you can do that in a podcast is you invite the guest to join you for the record, and then you start the record. And then they just sort of watch you starting to relax into it, have fun, enjoy yourself. Find some conversational scenes that maybe wouldn't have presented themselves for about 10 to 15 minutes. No, thank you, Alice, not just yet. We'll edit that out. And then – No, thank you, Alice.

Not just yet. We'll edit that out. And then, you know, after about 15 minutes, then, you know, they can build up some sort of – you know, I mean, we're big dogs. We're big dogs and we're in a big tree. Build up some – you'll know because we'll say. Okay. Keep trying, Alice.

That'd be great. Maybe if you tried harder. So let's talk about our scenario for this one, Keep trying, Alice. That'd be great. Maybe if you tried harder. So let's talk about our scenario for this one, our final episode of this round of Podcast in a Tree. That's right. We're actually quite a little way away from bringing you in. Couldn't have misjudged that one much more.

I mean, obviously, we were about to talk about the tree, not a person there. Okay. We are back in Owairaka. in this time we're in a different tree i believe this this must be an oak tree surely to my knowledge to look at the leaves i look at these leaves and i i see oak and i say oak yes and i and so do i so um different spot we're actually halfway up a very beautiful walkway that I used to enjoy. You can see now the light is breaking through the canopy. Gorgeous. And if you look at the ground, you see some beautiful little pools of light amongst the shade.

It is a delight. And this is actually, Tim, I'm going to tell you this because this is our second podcast we've recorded on this hill. But the trees on this hill are alive. With the sound of podcasting. Podcasting and a tree. And also they're mired in controversy. Did you know this? No. There is a lobbying group. There's

two groups of people basically. There is the Tangata Whenua. The people of the land. That's right. And it is their desire to take down the non-natives and to replant native trees and shrubbery, as is their want. And then there is a group of others. They call themselves activists. I think a more appropriate term would be TERFs, who have publicly outed themselves, both as being TERFs and against autonomy of tangata whenua,

and they're saying, no, you can't do that. We like the trees and you'll displace birds. I see. And we are literally sitting in a hotbed of a situation right now. God, this runs right across what we were trying to achieve. Well, you wouldn't know it, though, would you? And that's the thing. And I didn't even think about it until we were sitting in this tree today

and I thought, you know, if someone does come along here, because previously... I'm not on an angle that reflects political controversy. I am on an angle that reflects paint me like one of your French girls. Yeah, yeah. And your energy does not communicate political controversy either. You look supremely relaxed. I'm good, baby. I got these cool glasses on.

You haven't said anything about that, which has been noted. I haven't observed a single part of your outfit, but I like i like the block colors i like the sunglasses are they new to you um they're new ish but i keep not wearing them because a screw in one of the arms keeps falling out good reason not to wear them that would really piss you off consternation because i feel like i'm gonna lose it consternation consternation yeah my boy hey also what's bringing me great constipation is my tech setup for this one i've suspended the audio recorder using the mic cables and i wouldn't recommend to anyone to do that but sometimes needs must and podcast in a tree but it fucking works doesn't it it's scary but it works i mean the amount of technical equipment that you've

lugged around auckland city to enable this to take place in the two forms that it does is commendable. Who gives a shit? Hey, let's get to our first segment because we're actually going to switch the order slightly today to make sure everything goes smoothly. So I would like to welcome to the podcast our final guest for this run, the wickedly talented Alice Sneddon. Oh, boy. Sorry, it's now the right time.

It's the right time. Hi, Alice. Hi. How's it going on the ground? Fuck, it's so good down here, actually. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible.

Dirty and soft with a bit of moisture. You bring with you an ailment. Yes, I do. Is that what today's all about? What can we fix? Okay, so basically what happened is I've been getting really into physical fitness. Guy, you will have heard of it. Tim, I understand you're adjacent to it and i um have been running and i i've gone too hard too soon and i got a shin splint in my shin and then in order to course correct that shin splint i've been icing it regularly and this morning i put an ice pack on it and then i pulled around a tea towel very tightly onto the ice pack, resulting in what I now believe to be on my leg is a series of frostbite burns.

No way. Yeah, it's pretty wild. How incredible is your tolerance for pain that you gave yourself frostbite? Well, I guess I was like, well, it's a bit cold, but it'll be all right. But as it turns out, when I removed the ice pack, the skin was frozen,

which was actually quite alarming like I could have snapped it in half yeah it was it was uh and so I ran it under the shower to like literally make my skin unfreeze okay and now I'm just left with these remaining marks and I'm three hours on from this and um my my calf is still cold so I don't know what that means I think maybe I have um yeah maybe I'm about to lose part of my skin down there I don't know um excited to hear what people think I don't think that's the case I don't reckon I've had it once before I got frostbite once at a party in intermediate school. Well, tell us that story now. You know, it would never have occurred to me to hold this thought,

but it is so you to have frostbite in summer or at a kid's party. It is just fucking right out of their books. I got it due to an ice-holding competition, which I was so... Too good at. I was too good at it and I refused to back out and I could feel my hand in quite a lot of pain. And when I removed it, I had a large red patch that then over time went black and fell off.

Holy shit. Yeah, I actually still have a minor scar from it. A callus or a scar? Yeah, I have a callus. Do you like to touch it? No, I don't think about it all too much, to be honest. Over the years, it's actually died down a little bit, and now you can't even really tell except to the naked eye.

This is not an intermediate school birthday frostbite injury. I just want to poke around the tolerance of pain thing a little more because is this just a superpower you possess with ice where you can handle cold on a bit of your body for ages or in general terms have you got a really high tolerance for pain? I honestly think the highest of

anyone I know. Do you put that down to anything? Experiencing a large amount of pain. You have actually, you have been in a lot of pain. I also think that your assumption of yourself across various disciplines and mediums is that you would be the best amongst the people you know. Yes, that is true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the most passive way of vocalizing that thought and sentiment. But I'd say that's more of a reflection on the people I know rather than my own competency as a person or an individual. I'm having both an honest appreciation of their and my talents with respect to each other. The people you surround yourself with, that's a reflection of who you are.

Well, in most cases. Billionaires say try as often as possible to be the stupidest person in the room because you'll learn a lot alice yeah i found flipped and reversed it to be the happiest person by uncomparably being smarter than anyone else with a higher pain threshold here's a woman so intelligent she holds on to ice to the point of dead skin. That's smart. That's some true intelligence.

Honestly, I've never had an injury that I haven't made worse through my own efforts. Wow. That doesn't feel smart. Every time I'm in touch with you, I feel like you're always going to get something done to your body. Yeah, that is true. Well, this week's been particularly hardcore for that. I've had Reiki. That was incredible, I think, on reflection.

Hard to tell in the moment. Can you tell us about what that is? Honestly, no. I'm not entirely sure myself. I understand. I think it's the shifting of energy through your body. And they put some hands on you, but very lightly. A lot of just hovering above your body all i know

is that it sounds kind of tantric well i was on a table for an hour and a half and there was no talking it's it's weird do they touch you at all because i thought they just can't have a hand they lay hands on you from time to time right is it yeah so is that the experience i mean this is probably quite an ignorant way of trying to divide experience between physical and mental. But is it like, does it hang in the balance or is that mostly a mental journey that you've been taking on? For me, I think it was mostly mental. Yeah. I don't, I, other than just like I did fall asleep. So that was obviously a physical consequence of what was going on at the time. And so when I woke up, i did feel like i had just

had a nap which was in fact the case i had just had a nap it's your your self-professed intelligence sort of exists at a crossroads of like i feel like you are self-professed yeah you but you're you're aware of like you know some of these things uh you have to approach quite holistically like they're easy to dismiss as woo-woo or whatever yes and I feel like which you frequently do yeah but I feel like in between appointments

your guy is always denigrating yeah these beautiful healing methods medical practices that's right like Reiki and other stuff I feel like you sort of

have the cognizance to understand that angle but then when you go and get these treatments you sort of meet them at their level where you say if I'm going to do this i must totally believe in the experience i fully fully give myself over to it like the other thing i've had not recently it was about a year ago was kinesiology which is like tapping and like past lives and like um i i forget for the most part what it was but like what i learned was that okay so there was one part of it because when I do go into these sessions, I go, I'm just going to throw just whatever you want to do.

I'm fully in. But she did touch me and she was like, you're dehydrated. And then she gave me a glass of water and I drank the water and she was like, now you're hydrated. And I just, in my mind, knew that scientifically that that did not check out and i really had to just go like no when you're in this space you are now hydrated and this is and this is it it's difficult when it is running against information you carry with you knowing to be true yes and i do i do accept that there are some things that are called facts and and I stand by those with all of my might.

That glass of water had made no change to my fundamental hydration at that stage. But she, like, kinesiology tells you, like, how many other people do you carry with you day to day? I don't know. It's all weird. And then they tap you and do muscle relaxation. But there is some stuff that happens. Like spirits spirits like other people's energy oh okay like baggage i think it's baggage but sometimes it's not like negative emotional baggage it could be good it could be

good it could be vibe yeah it could be vibe i carry vibe do you reckon i carry guys vibe do you sometimes oh is that bad or no it No, it's a good thing. Most of the time. Most of the time. We all carry vibe though, don't we? I think we all carry a bit of vibe. Yeah. It's true.

Yeah. And then the one I had that I actually legit believe in is Chinese medicine. And I've got the name of this woman, Virginia Jin. Shout out to Virginia Jin. Wow. Okay. Go see her. Honestly, with anything, she'll fix it.

Yeah. Actually, I caught up with you semi recently and we spoke about uh this exact thing and about the failures of western medicine where they sort of cast your side as a write-off and then you went and saw virginia gin virginia gin and she was like yeah that's unreal that's like yeah you you know that yeah that's western medicine misdiagnosing someone and then you living your entire life under the belief that that's like yeah you you know that yeah that's western medicine misdiagnosing someone and then you living your entire life under the belief that that's the case i know well the thing the story of it is is that a doctor told me i was infertile and then i went to virginia gin and she was like

i'll have you right in a couple months and then she did and then i got other tests and they were like oh no you're super fertile whoa so there was a there was a actual turnaround in the physiology of my body But the methods she uses of diagnosis is taking your pulse and looking at your tongue And then from there, the entire assessment gets made That's the entire assessment I don't like it when people look at my tongue, I feel self-conscious I felt self-conscious too. Now we know why.

It reveals everything about your current medical condition. Put your tongue out now. Yeah, I actually don't know what that means, but Virginia will know. It looks bad though. But she told me I had dampness and I was never allowed to have wet hair. You have dampness?

Yeah, and I'm not supposed to go out in the rain and yeah but honestly i did all of that shit for two months and then i i was back i was right as rain i also had to drink this herbal tea that cost like 70 bucks a week wow that's yeah but it sounds like it worked so fair play to it alice can i you? No. What's your relationship to trees? And did you fuck with trees as a child? Did you climb in them? Did you enjoy them? That's such a good question.

Thank you. And the answer to that is I've got no memory of ever climbing a tree. Seriously? Yeah. But I imagine that it's something I did do. But I don't have any memory of being in a tree, approaching a tree for physical climbing, being interested in climbing a tree.

I think there's something very restorative about being in a tree, and it almost now makes me feel guilty to do the guest on the ground segment the way that we have done it, because I would like to share the joy of climbing trees. No, it's important the guests are on the ground. Yeah, and I can tell you, looking at you two, I have no desire to switch places. Right, right.

I'm not going to read too much into that. Because of the shin splints. Well, not just that, but I can see right now, looking at you, you've got no lumbar support. Yeah, but look at my posture. Look at the straight line my back is in. Sure, but, like, I mean, that's right on the edge there. I mean, you're digging into your hamstrings right now.

I can see you holding on to the trunk of that tree for goddamn dear life. Look at Tim. He's holding on too. This is an interesting exercise in framing because all of the things that you're describing, which are problems to you on the ground, are things that I love about being in the tree. I like that you are present within your body the entire time. Like when you're on the ground, you become complacent, you become relaxed, you don't need to be aware

of all of the moving parts. But when you're in the tree, you're living on a knife's edge and eventually you become more confident and relaxed. I would say over the course of podcasting a tree, I wouldn't be rounding into peak tree climbing form, but I'm close to where I was as a youth. Yeah, I hear that. Just an enthusiastic and confident climber. We haven't even spent into peak tree climbing form, but I'm close to where I was as a youth. Yeah, I hear that. Just an enthusiastic and confident climber.

We haven't even spent that much time climbing around, but just getting in the trees again, it kind of busts off the, it shakes off the rust of climbing trees. I think that's incredible that you've turned what can only be described as the thinnest of podcast premises. Oh, come on now. Into a positive physical outlook for the two of you. Now, maybe we could we can unpack the the description of the premise is thin yes it is extremely thin what are you talking about to a point where i do feel like the two of you have gotten so cocky as to your fan

base and this is coming from me who runs a podcast that has no premise whatsoever yeah but the two of you doing a podcast with the entire premise is just that the conversation will take part in a specific location yes that's nothing i don't know that that's true agree to disagree yeah well that's true i mean i have not heard the content of these so far but i can't imagine you've got a taste of what it's like. But you know what? It's interesting, isn't it? Because you're not wrong that there's not a lot to it, but I think that is the very thing of it.

And it's the same with Worst Idea. I mean, our initial show, which has garnered millions of downloads of downloads listen i bow down to you as podcast kings based on the simple premise of watching the same piece of content over and over again that's what's interesting is that you've said the simple premise now i'm not describing the premise you currently has have as simple i'm saying it is lacking a premise altogether oh well that brings us to our fantastic next segment. I'm so glad that you led me into that so organically.

It's time for Drugs in a Tree. Yeah, that's right. This thread beer podcast idea has bells and whistles like a Swiss Army Knight. Which is a famous device for its bells and whistles. When you get as successful as you two are, the pitfall is that you get surrounded by a lot of yes men. Absolutely. And I'm just making sure that I'm not another yes man in your life,

you know, who's allowing you to go off the deep end. I appreciate that gut check on the final episode of this project. Can I say, first of all, do you find being in nature restful, like right now? Is it nice for you to be where you are? It's really um yeah you feel you seem attacked by the question well no the issue is is that i worry if i admit the truth which is that yes that then a counter argument is going to come forward that i can't um

then defeat what and what would that counter argument I have no idea. I wish not to put it forward. I see, I see, yeah. No, I do enjoy being in nature. That's lovely. And I do think, and this might be self-aggrandizing, there is an ASMR quality to knowing that we're in a tree and hearing the occasional bird song, the rustling of leaves. Sure.

I would suggest, though, to... There's dogs, incoming dogs. See, you don't get this in the studio. You sure don't. G'day dogs, how we doing? I would suggest to anyone at home though who wants to enjoy trees and likes other regular podcasts with premises that they could choose to listen to that podcast in a tree themselves. We have recommended that.

We've suggested as much. What better way to exploit this premise? Hiya, feel free to head on. No, no, no, please. You're all that. We've suggested as much. What better way to exploit this premise? Hiya. Feel free to head on. No, no, no. You're all good. You've got some lovely dogs. Oh, hello.

Gosh, you've got so many dogs. Fucking hell. They're awesome. That's beautiful. Four dogs. Gosh. I mean, it's sort of like nature itself is presenting counter-arguments to your attack on a very well-fleshed out.

I would like to let the steam out of what is quickly becoming a sort of argumentative tone on this podcast. Yeah, and I wish not to bring that energy, although I know it naturally comes. Alice, I appreciate someone coming in and kicking the tires a little bit, going, hey, guys, is this anything? Because I'm utterly convinced it is not. Right as we wrap up the first season it may well it may well not be but the important thing is that we fucking did it

i know you just gotta do something you just gotta do something well it is time for drugs in a tree yes and uh so first of all because it's the final episode it might be useful for us to recap the drugs that we've done so far i can't remember order exactly, but we had magic mushrooms in a tree. We've done mushrooms, acid. On the podcast? Yes, Alice. On this utterly thin podcast. I've got to say, you got my attention.

Mushrooms, caffeine, sobriety, alcohol. Marijuana. Marijuana. And now. What's it going to be for our final one? nicotine my least favourite drug, I hate these things I love them

I've never been a smoker I've smoked maybe two cigarettes in my life like as a teenager or maybe if I got real drunk I once smoked a cigarette when I was high on an upper. Uh-huh. And I was like, I get this. Yeah, I get it too.

I see this. You get the head rush and whatnot. And so a little behind the scenes movie magic here. We already know that we don't have a lighter. Yeah. It's been established. I spoke about bringing a lighter and then what I did that we don't have a lighter. It's been established. I spoke about bringing a lighter and then what I did is I didn't bring a lighter.

In that respect, I'm commendable. To consume the cigarette somehow, I'm probably going to have to eat it. You're going to eat that? Yes. Well, how else am I going to take the drug? I really don't think that that's a good idea. Jesus. He's eating it.

I hate that. I want you to know that that's a good idea. Oh, yeah. I'm, oh, he's eating it. Oh, it's fucking hell, Tim. Oh, yeah, I hate that. I want you to know that you can work in a bank, and that won't mean that you've failed. That's just another path that people go down. Do you think that Tim looks at people in banks the way that people in banks look at Tim? No, I think people in banks look at Tim and go,

that's living. Might as well spit this out. Oh, please do. There's some liquid if you want to, you're going to experience it. Oh, Tim. Maybe for my negative 10 experience,

could you please throw me that vape? Oh yeah, you want the vape? I just think it makes more sense. I know where to spit where it's not gross. It's gross everywhere, Tim. It's spit. Is that kosher

to pass something up from the ground? It's not unheard of. I mean, surely one of the things about being in a tree is that if you want something from the ground, you have to come to it. We've actually,

Rhys Mathewson, the entire episode with him was more or less a negotiation of products available on the ground and in the tree. So I appreciate this sort of bilateral agreement that we have.

Okay. Excuse me, can we get back to me consuming a cigarette? By all means. That was disgusting. Are you okay? It's really spicy. Is it? I don't know how to describe it.

It's got a spicy kind of a feel to it. Guy looks fucked up just by smoking this stuff. What flavor is this? Tobacco. But you wouldn't know it. No, that was kind of nice. I just sucked on a vape. Your face sent a completely different message.

It really did. I never know how to smoke vapes and I always cough uncontrollably after the fact. So I was concentrating very hard on making sure that the vape went down the appropriate channels. What happens here? Is this bad or good? Listen, it is bad in the sense that it can give you popcorn lung, which as I understand it is an irreversible condition that will affect you for the rest of your life.

But it is good in the sense that it dispenses nicotine at a regular interval. If it's decoupled from the horrible additives they add to a delicious edible cigarette. If it's bad for you, they shouldn't call it popcorn lung. Yeah. That's nice. That's a nice name. Do you know why they call it that, Guy? Because the thing that's in butter is the same chemical that fucks you up that's in the vape.

No, is that true? But butter's pure. Man, am I right about that? I don't know. Maybe butter flavor? Because I think it's vitamin E. It must be butter flavor because butter is just milk. Butter is so yum.

Have you ever smoked it? Smoked butter. I've eaten smoked butter. Oh. Someone has smoked butter and then reconstituted it, but I've not smoked it, no. I think butter is maybe the best of all the things you can eat. The best of all the things.

I think so. Fuck. You never add butter to something and go, that was a huge mistake. You know what I mean? You can't have too much. It can make something too fresh. I find it very full on when people butter things like banana cake or banana bread

because there's so much butter in it. My mouth is going through a real journey. Unsurprisingly, Tim, you just ate a cigarette. I spat it out. Do you know why I did that? Because I remembered that nicotine poisoning is a thing that exists. So I thought I'd better get it out of the old system. There's not, I can't tell you,

I don't think there's enough nicotine in that cigarette to poison you. That's good, but I've already spat it out. How do you feel? It's just like a weird sensation in my mouth of kind of burning. Yeah, interesting. Well, when I use other nicotine supplements, like a spray or a thing and you put them in your mouth, they do burn a little.

Yeah, right. So that could be the nicotine. I don't think I'll go back to it. I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about. Well, I think you've fundamentally used the product wrong. Well, there's no denying that. I guess there's that. You're flying in the face of big tobacco.

This is what I think of your product. Alice, do you believe in horoscopes? Yes. What's this? You you're a Leo right? yeah I am Leo's are all about big confident energy man I'm getting a head rush off of just chewing on the tobacco it's gross I'm worried

I'm loving that you're on this journey man it's affecting me probably more than the other drugs we've had than if you just smoked it can I ask with the other drugs do they kick on while you were in the podcast? Gently. We took a micro-dose of both mushrooms and acid. And you could feel like...

More than a micro-dose, I would say. I describe the onset as feeling ticklish. You know when it starts happening and you think, oh, this is starting to feel a little bit... i'm starting to feel a little lighter or slightly different from how i normally feel i feel light-headed right now yeah that will be the nicotine rush especially if you don't normally consume it never have i ever so directly i i um i the other drugs i've kind of had a perceivable impact a little bit my favorite was alcohol i have to say that beer in a tree was that was a delight, yeah.

But this is the most dangerous because this is the one, even though I'm quite close to the ground, I could feel myself just having a little spell. When we had weed in a tree. Weed in a tree. I had too much. By the end of the podcast, I was genuinely, I didn't bring it up on air at the time,

I was genuinely two stones. Oh, okay. It was not exactly to my liking When I do smoke I usually have very tiny little amounts Gotcha In fact I think YouTube's got a rule against cigarettes Being on their videos So I wonder if eating it contravenes that or not

Is that right? All the other shit they let on videos And smoking is the one Honestly someone needs to stand up for smoking Because I do feel like it gets a bad rap Like yes it gives you cancer And it gives cancer to the people around you While you consume it

But however It tastes good And it makes you feel good And we went through Decades of propaganda convincing us That it looks cool. And honestly, I do still think that. With all the information now and the active unpacking of that propaganda,

smoking still looks fantastic. In the right hands. You know a man who was partially responsible for that, but in a big way, Edward Bernays, the nephew of Sigmund Freud, who used Freud's learnings in psychology. He would read all of his work and then apply it to a branch of commercial psychology he invented called public relations. Why did he call it that?

Because Nazis gave propaganda a bad name. His words, not mine. And he devised a plan when he was contracted by, from memory, British American Tobacco, who said, we need to make more money. We're making a lot of money here. We need to make more. He said, alright. Who's not smoking? Women. So what he did is he devised a plan where he got a bunch of New York City

deputants. Ally? Exactly. The original ally to these deputants were placed in a parade. I can't remember what it was. Maybe some Marines returning or something like that. It was a big parade in New York City. And he said, I'm going to arrange a bunch of journalists.

I'm going to give you some cool catchphrases to describe what you're doing. And I want you all to light up a cigarette, but I want you to call it a liberty torch when you do it. And it's going to be an act of feminism. And he did. And then women started smoking and British American tobacco made a lot of money and a whole lot of people died.

They doubled their market share. Fast forward, whatever, 50 years, 60 years, 70 years. Tim Bates eating a cigarette in a tree. Yeah, incredible stuff. So in many ways, you are also an ally, Tim. I would love to draw that line. Whoever's in charge of public relations for fedoras needs to be hired by the government to be in charge of public relation for cigarettes that is

an outstanding idea because honestly i do think that would cure it yeah if smoking had the same it was it was the same as me wearing a fedora yes then i would not go near the things. Can I please, while we're talking hats and we're talking fedoras, can I please open the floor to the conversation of cheese cutters? Hey, by Montgomery, the floor is yours. Are cheese cutters the new fedoras? I'm seeing them pop up everywhere.

They look as ridiculous, but in an exciting new way. I still am not confident I know what they are. Like one of these. Like a train driving. It's like a flat cat with a very small peak. I do, weirdly, I have a theory that no one can pull off a fedora. No person I have

ever seen ever wear a fedora. Pulls it off. Occasionally, I've seen a person in a cheese cutter and gone, good for you. Really? What's the percentage point on that? Probably, I would say like 1%, and you have to be a bald man. Okay.

A man, first off. Yeah, and there is a gender divide. Is there an age? Probably, you have to be above 40 and below death. And can you describe for me the rest of the wardrobe? Can they wear it with like a T-shirt and shorts? Do they have to be... No, I think you've got to be in a cardigan

and a check shirt and some khaki slacks. Patched jacket. Yeah, and maybe you smoke a pipe or something. You can't wear it with a pair of billabong board shorts and a t-shirt and have it have the same effect. You need a more Dickersonian look to pull off a

cheese cutter. It's interesting, isn't it? Because if you do wear it with say billabong board shorts and a T-shirt or whatever, you look confused. Yeah. But in many ways, also, you're communicating a confidence that you know what you like to wear. I don't know about that. External standards be damned. Now, this is the interesting thing about fashion.

The fine line between that person looks out of their right mind or that person looks very fashion forward is such a thin one isn't it it can be i think it's got a lot to do with the gate of your walk it's a little theory i've been working on i think you can there's so much assessment we make based on the gate of someone's walk and i think without leaning too much into stereotypes uh useful um there is a lot of information you can glean from watching someone walk around, I think. Can I ask, what is a good gait in terms of wearing clothes? Like if you wanted to be able to wear whatever you wanted to wear, what then is the ideal gait to have? I think it's like good posture without being over the top, you know, like you're a puppet, like a thunderbird.

But also you want to have a little bit of pace when you walk so you look like you've got direction in your life. Wow, that's interesting. I don't know if it's true, but it's something I'm cooking up. I also feel like I'm going to vomit from the cigarette. Okay, well, maybe this is a good time to introduce the next segment. Also, I've got an eye on the clock. Oh, yes. And we've got to race through this.

I've lost all perception of time. You might remember sandwiches in a tree. You might also remember slice in a tree. And we've got to race through this. I've lost all perception of time. You might remember sandwiches in a tree. You might also remember slice in a tree. And guess what? It's back. It's back, baby. And it's better than ever. Now, in this bag, Tim, I have what's described as a cookies and cream slice.

Alice, you are going to take a back seat on this segment. And something that's called a chocolate brownie. Actually, guess what? What? Alice, for you, in a world first. Holy shit. Slice on the ground. This is a real act of camaraderie.

Incredible. And egalitarianism. You don't even want to share it? I don't want to know about it. Tim's taking the cookies and cream. I'm left with chocolate brownie. And Alice has got a traditional ginger slice, which I believe is gluten free, if you care about that sort of thing. I've been trying to eat as vegan fish as I

can in as many situations as I can. This flies in the face of it and I am loving it. You know what I'll be doing a lot of the heavy lifting there is the butter. The butter. That's a ginger slice. It looks like it's not good. It's quite gingery. Too gingery. But well, it's hard to know

because I think if you were a person who enjoyed ginger slices, you'd go, well done. Does it taste tobacco-y at all? Because it is got that kind of same spice, you know? It doesn't taste tobacco-y, but it does have a spicy after. Tim, does yours taste tobacco-y? Weirdly, this does taste a bit tobacco-y to me.

I suspect that that has almost nothing to do with the slice itself. I guess we'll never know. There's simply no way to tell. It's very delicious, though. Would you recommend tobacco as a condiment and or spice for future meals? I wouldn't be against it because I think, like, the thing people get wrong about drugs, since we're sort of, the way that the segments work on Hair Alice as well is that we open the gate and then it's a babushka doll of segments.

I can see there are infinite possibilities. Now that I'm in the middle of this podcast. We're within guest on the ground, but we've also opened the door to Drugs in a Tree. And now we haven't closed any doors, but we've kept the door open for a slice in a tree as well. And I think, if I can hark back to drugs in a tree, dosage is the thing that people get wrong on drugs all the time. That's what people are messing up a lot. And I think if you were to use tobacco as a little spice and sprinkle it in the right amounts,

it might add a little something to your meals. That's what a spliff is. You use the tobacco as seasoning for your main dish of marijuana i never thought that the tobacco was a seasoning thing i thought that was more about making the weed last longer that is true for some people as well it's different people have different relationships right no doubt a little bit god i haven't smoked weed in so long do you like it i do love weed yeah i do i had one bad experience with it where i was convinced that i was going to kill the two people i was with that's right and so from that point forward i thought oh that's probably not something i want to do again but

then i had like a two-year break and and now i can really really enjoy it have you uh ever killed no no you don't have to answer this but have you ever experienced psychosis to any scale you think because that seems like a limited version of i think that's i think that's the closest i've ever come to having some form of it but what i've since learned about that is it's just basically i'm going to hold the mic i can do that it's just basically intrusive thoughts which lots of people people get. Absolutely. You know, and now if that happened to me, I'd just be like, oh, look at this. Well, yes, but without adequate training. You don't want to open that door with drugs. If you're already having a hard time with certain things,

you don't want to just keep opening doors. Well, I had no idea, but I did manage to fix it by going into my bedroom, barricading my door with pillows and watching Full House until I fell asleep. And that really seemed to solve it. The new one or the old one? The old. Yeah. Is it funny?

Hold it, sorry. Not that I can remember. Guy just said, is it funny? I can't remember. I don't think I was trying to take it in. I was just going, good, wholesome family content. I'll never forget the episode where the Tanners, a couple of the Tanner girls, I think, accidentally wound up in Auckland, New Zealand

when they were supposed to take a flight to Oakland, California. Before Lord of the Rings came on the scene, New Zealand would applaud and our stock market would go up every time New Zealand got a mention on a TV or movie. Can I just say, on that topic, within the last six months I went and saw Heat, New Zealand got a mention on a TV or movie. Can I just say, on that topic, earlier this year, or, you know, within the last six months, I went and saw Heat, Michael Mann's film Heat,

in a cinema, and when Robert De Niro, you know, we're all adults now, everyone in the cinema was an adult, when Robert De Niro spoke about potentially moving to New Zealand in the middle of that movie, raucous cheers and applause

across the entire cinema. No, actually? Yes, and I was like, this is a powerful moment of civic pride. While we're literally watching America shit the bed, the fact that they know and knew then that we exist is enough to send us into rapture. Every time I would read Alice in Wonderland, I would give a little cheer when New Zealand was mentioned.

That was supposedly on the other side of the world when you go through the... Right. I think someone was talking about like if you go through you know the other side of britain you wind up in new zealand apparently not accurate you wind up in do you know where does anyone know where well when you go through the other side of the world yeah like our opposite china people see china for so long it's not true. From here, Portugal. Yeah, okay. I was going to say Argentina. No, it's Portugal and in some places, Italy. Wow.

Wow, that's beautiful. And we are in many ways a mirror image of both Portugal and Italy. Can I talk a little bit of you? Oh, sorry. Be so kind, Alice. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Never apologize to me. It actually weirds me out.

What, that I'm apologizing specifically or that somebody apologises to you in general? When you specifically apologise to me, I don't think that's our dynamic. Oh my god, what is this? I don't think that's our dynamic at all. Alright guys, it's time to get into our final segment for this final episode of Podcasts in a Tree.

And that is of course our tree to board. Let's open another door. We've graded all of the trees we've been up so far out of 24 across five criteria you've been up 24 trees no no no no no each tree has been graded sorry i wasn't listening we've been up seven trees this is our seventh tree and before we start ranking it alice i need you to name this tree any name i like yeah the tree of life oh incredible sorry i'm getting a call hold on okay you can take that you can take it on it might be it is my electrician do you mind if i take it please but talking to the microphone sure hello hey how you going?

Oh, yeah, just shut the door behind you. Don't worry. I'm going to be home in probably about an hour or so. And there's nothing to steal. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much for doing all that. And will you just email me an invoice?

Okay. Thank you so much for fitting us in. I really appreciate it. All right. Cheers. Bye. Now, Alice much for fitting us in. I really appreciate it. All right. Cheers. Bye. Now, Alice. That fucking guy.

Can we grade the phone manner before we grade the truth? Was that performative phone manner? No, that's my phone manner. Jesus Christ. You're a delight to talk to. God, yeah. Literally unbelievable to me. Where was that guest? How do we book her?

I want to tell that electrician what you're like. Oh, don't. Now, actually, after that put down, I realize I've thrown the bag down too early. There's a pin I really need out of that bag. Isn't it awful when you paint yourself into a corner by taking swipes at people and then realize you need their help? Alice, I thank you so much.

No, listen, that's fine. Alice is a bigger person. I am in many ways. But I know that my phone manor is, I mean, it's like that because he's doing a great job, you know. I have nothing but absolute praise for him. You don't know about the job he's done. No, I know this guy.

Have you ever worked in a service industry where you've had to do phone calls? My first ever job, I was selling car cleaning products by phone. Successful? No, not at all. I lasted 48 hours in the job and then I quit. You're gutted. Yeah.

No, it was terrible. But I do think I do have a good phone manner. I don't know why. I'm definitely way more pleasant on the phone than... You were raised with very good manners. I wasn't. I really wasn't, I don't think. In fact, I'd say that manners

is something that I occasionally get called up on. Huh. Yeah, even though I do make a real effort. I think you've got good manners for whatever it's worth. Tree of life.

I think you're confident. Now, we've got five criteria. We're going to blitz through these guys because it's not really nice for the podcast listener to know, but we are collectively in a minor rush. Oh, I see.

Oh, we are? Yes. So first criteria is natural beauty. Alice, you're on the ground. You've got a great perspective of this. What do you make out of five of the natural beauty of this oak tree? I'm going to give it a three and a half. Okay.

Why? No, no, no. Just one sentence. Nice girth, but lowish height. All right, wonderful. Three and a half out of five. Tim, you're up on the branches there. Can you tell me about the climability of this tree out of five?

It is a three and a half, once again, out of five. Seven out of a possible ten so far. Alice, talk to me, baby. The health of this tree. How healthy is this tree? That's such a good question. I would say some of these branches seem a little limp for my liking, but that might be the length that they're extending.

And some of this bark is coming away. So I'm going to give it a healthy three and a half. Incredible. Really great number there. Ten and a half out of a possible 15 so far. And Tim, rest and relaxation. Monty, I couldn't possibly. You need to determine this one.

Well, I'm neither rested nor relaxed, but that's just because of the branch I'm on. As Alice astutely observed, there's no lumbar support. I'm just out here on a branch on my own. But I enjoy that. I see other options. They're just not where I'm at right now. Two and a half, which means that

twelve and a half? Oh no, thirteen. Thirteen out of possible twenty, and then the final four is X factor. Out of four 20. And then the final four is X Factor. Out of four. Does this tree bring it? Out of four. Are you asking me? Yeah, this is...

Out of four for X Factor? Star power X Factor. Look at all these dogs. No, oh my God. Don't worry at all. You're doing the right thing. We're doing the wrong thing. There's a myriad of dogs.

Yes, there are. Do you own all of this? Oh, nice. Oh my God, I didn't even know that was a job in New Zealand. Incredible. Yeah. They're beautiful're beautiful incredible army of dogs and what i like about it is you're not holding on to a single i love it beautiful dogs these are great well actually can we ask you a question um out of a possible four points what would you rate the X factor of this tree? Tego, you can speak up to that. Of four points?

Yeah. I think it's a pretty good tree. It's not pretty nice. Give it four. Four? Four, fantastic. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Appreciate it. Thank you so much. What's your name? Ruby. Ruby, have a wonderful walk, Ruby. Thank you, Ruby. Lovely to meet you. Have a nice afternoon.

Yes, you too. See you, dogs. You've got to go, Ruby. Thank you, Ruby. Lovely to meet you. Yes, you too. See you, dogs. You've got to go, man. So that means our grand final score for this final tree, the tree of life, is 17 out of 24. Which places it? Which places it? Bumping it in front of, no, in front of manual door. Oh.

This tree is the third best tree we've been up. Oh, I think I'm going to vomit soon. What's the ranking then? So. Let me hold the leaderboard while you talk to it. I think I'm going to vomit soon. What's the ranking then? So. Let me hold the leaderboard while you talk to it. I'll get it in shot. I'm going to create a typo I made. Oh, I see.

How would you rate this episode so far, Alice? Oh, I've got nothing to compare it to with regards to the other episodes. I would say this. On my performance, I feel like I didn't bring as much energy as I could have to it. But that's in large part because I have just had a midi-midi, which is another body healing. We simply don't have the time.

We simply don't have the time. So, folks, here it is. The tree to board. Guy, talk us through it. Sitting up top, you've got Walter, 19.5 out of 24. Literally cannot remember which tree Walter was. I think it was maybe the first tree we were in. Okay.

Second place, Susan with Angela Drava. Third place, Tree of Life with Alice Neddon. Manual Door with Joseph and Laura. Fourth, 6-6 with Pax Asadis. And fifth on 16 out of 24, the tree National. No, 6-6 with Angela. National was with Pax. And then languishing in the bottom spot with Reece Matthews.

Look at this fucking tree. Seven and a half out of 24. A miserable performance. Folks, that has been our inaugural run of Podcasting the Tree. Thank you so much for joining us for it. Alison, thank you for being a guest. And we truly have to get the fuck out of this park. That's right.

Happy. It's just you've got to be happy, guys. Be happy. Be happy. Bye, everyone. Bye.