The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E47: ThompsonWood

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:Guy and Tim are joined by their f...riends and NZ comedy people Dai Henwood and Josh Thompson for an extended guest episode. In the Grown Ups 2 arena this week, the boys hit some familiar terrain such as Kmart, product placement, racial stereotypes and a perceived lack of plot. Plus some curveballs get thrown, including why does Principal Tardio makes no moves to avoid getting paint dropped on him and quick drying deer piss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everyone and welcome to episode 47. I've just been out walking the dog listening to this one on a summery autumnal day here in Auckland and I highly recommend you do the same. It's a good pairing I think to absorb this episode. Me just simply refusing to let Guy Montgomery finish a point for the first half of the episode our utter inability to sell a fundraiser that we're trying to do it's the most it's the most kiwi thing you've ever heard these two guys trying to get to America setting up a fundraising campaign and then just absolutely refusing to tell anyone accurate details about how to contribute to it um spoiler alert it went fine nonetheless which is good i was listening to this episode and i think what i'm hearing is um is a
Starting point is 00:00:52 tim bat from 10 years ago who was just the the right amount of stoned to really be playing on the edge you know it opened up a lot of good uh mental nooks and crannies that I think you'll hear in the episode. I definitely fall off the path once or twice, but overall it's a good one. In particular, the Paddy Schwartz radio play, I will call it, is tremendous. It's like a skit from a hip-hop album before a track comes on. It's a good time. Enjoy this episode. We don't have that many left so this has been great um maybe go and i'll get together again like we did for prawn salad for 52 yeah we'll try we'll see if we can make that happen anyway enjoy this episode 47 here we go Feel that moment, love every day
Starting point is 00:01:47 Cause before you know it, your precious time slips away Hey everybody, and welcome to the worst idea of all time with myself, Tim Batt And me, Guy Montgomery. This is episode 47 High five. We did it. Five to go. And it's a pleasure to be here. Conditions are perfect. Yeah, things couldn't be any better if they tried to be better. They couldn't be. That's how I feel. That's certainly how you feel, Tim. Let's dive straight into it.
Starting point is 00:02:19 No, let's not. We've got to launch a product. What product? Oh, right, us. Yeah, we're the product. You better take the reins on this one, bud. Clearly I am ill-equipped. So if you're listening to this, that means that we've launched a Kickstarter
Starting point is 00:02:33 in the hopes of getting us all the way to Los Angeles, California. Los Angeles, California. Los Angeles, California. Which is such a long way away for us Kiwis. That's right. It's like a dreamland That doesn't exist We're not going to
Starting point is 00:02:47 Bore you with the details here Someone made up But suffice it to say If you're listening Please click onto it It's on our Facebook page We'll bore you with the details Plenty
Starting point is 00:02:54 Are you joking me? The details are People want to hear the details The details are We didn't make any money from this We want to do the last episode In LA Yeah
Starting point is 00:03:02 And we'd love A helping hand Just a helping hand. Just a gentle hand lifting us into the airplane. Yeah. Yes. Oh. Oh. Guys lost it.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Guys, go on, people. No, I was just saying I like it. What you're hearing is a broken man. A broken man at the end of too many grown-ups' twos. I won't stand for that. Look, I genuinely feel like, let's say we've climbed Everest, and at the very start of the descent,
Starting point is 00:03:36 there were some crags, some icy tundras. Schism? Yeah, some schisms. Is that the word you were looking for? A crevasse, maybe. There's like a, what I'm saying is it was difficult., some schisms. Is that the word you were looking for? A crevasse, maybe. There's like a... What I'm saying is it was difficult.
Starting point is 00:03:47 It was difficult. Chasm's the word. They say that when you climb Mount Everest, you've only done half the job because getting back down is just as dangerous as getting up. And I feel like that analogy is perfect for the grown-ups to ascent and descent. I genuinely feel like we're sort of...
Starting point is 00:04:03 We're almost down at the lowermost base camp and like we've got a bunch of sherpas with us uh you know are they as good as tenzing there's someone's probably shipped in some blaze pizza uh i'm saying that's how far down the mountain we are that we've got access to blaze pizza bro let me tell you how good both tenzing and blaze pizza are tenzing is a good enough Sherpa to bring those artisanal ingredients and Blaze Pizza are good enough to warrant bringing them on the trip. They're both as excellent as each other.
Starting point is 00:04:32 It's a match made. And I look forward to seeing you and Tenzing at Blaze Pizza in Los Angeles, California. I don't think you'll see Sherpa Tenzing in Los Angeles, California. So anyway, the analogy, the mental imagery that you were painting there
Starting point is 00:04:46 is that we're on the way down. Well, what I'm saying is that I'm so... Nearly done. Yeah. Nearly done, love. That's us. Oh, not long. Some sort of Geordie...
Starting point is 00:04:58 My knees hurt. Some Geordie British guy just about to finish sex. Oh, nearly done, love. Not long now. It was the office episode Where he's got to Throw a boot Over the bar
Starting point is 00:05:08 Yeah And then the close out Is It's not dawn Someone's Finchie's Gotten his rocks off With someone
Starting point is 00:05:14 It's been a while Since I saw that show Bloody good show Great mate It's really It's really nice detail To pepper in there So we're on the mountain
Starting point is 00:05:22 Guy You and I Inexperienced Ill-equipped and ill-advised we came in hardy like a bunch of german tourists going into a national park in the middle of central north island new zealand but much like the german tourists we didn't bring a compass we didn't bring rope we didn't bring enough rations food sunblock all clothing to keep us warm overnight and we have lost our way guy montgomery we are
Starting point is 00:05:45 lost we cannot see the wood for the trees no i'm saying despite those insurmount seemingly insurmountable odds i mean we didn't bring any supplies we we are german tourists as you as you stated in a national park in the north island of new zealand my name is franz okay franz okay franz what i'm saying is we have made it down the mountain. Who are you going to be? Klaus. Oh, Klaus, my old friend. I remember when Klaus and I were in school together in Berlin because it is the only German town I know.
Starting point is 00:06:19 It's more of a city when you think about it. I'm not from Germany. I'm from New Zealandaland what i'm saying is that despite those insurmountable odds you don't commit man you gotta commit to the bit i've always said that because if you piss off germans shit gets real real all of a sudden all i'm saying is that despite the fact we didn't take supplies, we don't need to worry about the supplies anymore. We could survive on oxygen and walking daily. There's only five to go.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Oh, I see what you're saying. We're so close to... Like, we can see... People can't hear us, but they can see us. Okay, you can see a church spire in the faraway town. You're close enough to, like, civilization to a settled town that they've got a spire, some sort of church spire.
Starting point is 00:07:06 What religion are the Nepalese? Yeah, I wouldn't imagine you'd get a lot of spires down near the base of Everest. You tell me, like, I don't know. They're Buddhists predominantly, at a guess.
Starting point is 00:07:16 That's probably right. Hey, good on you, Nepal. Yeah, this is a pretty relaxed one. Shout out. Massive shout out to Nepal. Massive shout out. And to Buddhists, actually. Yeah, mate. Covers more land mass Shout out. Massive shout out to Nepal. Massive shout out. And to Buddhists, actually. Yeah, mate.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Covers more landmass, mate. Got to get the numbers up. Get all your shout outs out now. Get them all out at the top. Jesse, happy birthday from your dad and your uncle, Mick. Shout out. Any other shout outs? Shout out to my son.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Your son? Kevin, who's doing his first ever half Ironman marathon today at five years old. Kevin, we're cheering you on from here. God bless. It's too bad your dad couldn't make it. There's just business was calling. I was just,
Starting point is 00:07:53 I've got to drive the truck. That's why I'm ringing the radio to get the shout out to you, mate. Shout out. We're not on the radio. Anyway, I'd like to talk about, there's a sentence,
Starting point is 00:08:03 which I always sort of am surprised by my saying. I'd like to talk about There's a sentence which I always Sort of am surprised by my saying I'd like to talk about grown ups too Please tell me more First of all Klaus I noticed Franz or Fritz Whatever your name is
Starting point is 00:08:14 That Jansport Undeniably Stumped up some money for this movie They did this time They hadn't in all the other times we've watched the movie They definitely had But they'd done it so well My theory is that
Starting point is 00:08:25 Jansport is so popular and ubiquitous that you don't even notice their product in there because you're so used to seeing a Jansport backpack it doesn't even jar you
Starting point is 00:08:34 out of the world of the film you're just like oh of course I appreciated that you had the audacity to use ubiquitousness ubiquitous ubiquity
Starting point is 00:08:43 I only know about it because of Roy Ay is yeah you chucked it in there with such a lot of enthusiasm and confidence but you kind of slowed down when you got to like a speed bump in the road no it wasn't like a speed but it was like me slowing down past a fancy restaurant in my new car to be like ubiquitous yeah i'm like hey it looks delicious my car is called ubiquitous i'm showing off my car to the diners. Oh, right. So you were slowing down for everyone else, not for yourself. I was slowing down for everyone.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Baller. Goddamn word baller. We sort of derailed the point, but Jan Sport, good work on some sub-product placement. Well done, Jan Sport. I want to know when people talk sales figures about grown-ups too,
Starting point is 00:09:23 how many tickets or how much it raised if that includes all the sponsorship deals well it's 80 80 million dollars is the nine figure do you think 80 million dollars plus
Starting point is 00:09:31 probably won't no 80 million was the production budget or no so how much is that it's more of it made 230
Starting point is 00:09:38 it made 230 mil but we don't know if that's just ticket sales at what stage that includes DVDs and Blu-rays, if it includes the sponsorship.
Starting point is 00:09:47 If you think about product placement, they're not paying on like a... They're not going to chart. They're not on a commission. They're not charting how well the movie does, then taking a percentage. So you're saying it is in that 230? I'm saying...
Starting point is 00:10:00 What I'm wondering is how much of the 80 mil production budget... We're seeing Jansport. We're seeing Motts. We're seeing a lot of Motts. You know who we should be seeing? Blaze fucking pizza. It seems like a match made in heaven, you know? Well, with those delicious fresh ingredients
Starting point is 00:10:14 and the rate at which they sort of churn those pizzas out one after another, as delicious as the last. Hashtag art is anal. Those ingredients are fresh, handpicked And delicious And the whole pizza only takes 180 seconds In a flash cooker How cool is that?
Starting point is 00:10:30 The trouble with what we're doing here Tim Is we're not getting to the end of a lot of the points I wrote down like four points Where are you going with this one? You do not mop tar seal Alright, tell me more When Principal Tardio You do not mop tar seal. All right. Tell me more. When Principal Tardio, when the kids, the classic pranksters,
Starting point is 00:10:52 probably a couple of sophomores knowing those guys, probably Larry and Steve. Yeah. They are a real laugh, I tell you what. But you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of them. You don't want to be on the back end of one of their pranks because you'll be walking out of a locker after two months of summer. You'll be you'll be walking out of a locker after two months of summer you'll be pretty thin i heard they once stole the puritans mascot with the dude still in the suit yeah they did and put them on top of the library i was on the road there for you were not i was
Starting point is 00:11:16 fully there for that right i was the one who suggested we put the skewer like just up through the suit so he actually couldn't get out of the suit. That was my idea. That is a sick gag, bro. Larry actually fully laughed and said that's a really good idea, guy. Fully sick. That was the dopest moment of my life. God, that's fully sick, bro. Anyway, so when probably,
Starting point is 00:11:33 presumably Larry and Steve filled up Principal Tardio's car with blue paint in the car park and he opens it and all the paint comes out, the janitor, the school janitor is standing next to him
Starting point is 00:11:43 in the car park on the street with a mop in a bucket on wheels full of hot soapy water. I've never seen anyone mop tar seal before. It's about 8.30, 9 o'clock, depending on when the school day starts. What is he doing out there? This is a guy who's so good at his job that even on the last day of school, everything is so clean. The only place left is Principal Tardio's car to clean.
Starting point is 00:12:13 That's it. And so do you think he knows, because it's a yearly prank, he knows that the car's going to be filled with blue paint and he's standing by? He's so ready, bro. He's ready enough to not tell him that. Yeah, if he's such a good employee,
Starting point is 00:12:22 you'd think he'd tell Principal Tardio. Because he enjoys a good gag. Just because he knows doesn't mean he's Mr. O. And you wouldn't want to dob in Larry and Steve because if you get on the wrong side of Larry and Steve, they will fuck you up. They will eat your shit. They will actually ruin you.
Starting point is 00:12:32 They really, yeah. Fully sick. Those guys are classic. Honestly, if you're listening, Larry and Steve, shout outs to you guys. You're an inspiration. Just some of the most classic sort of pranks I know. A little while ago during the steve
Starting point is 00:12:47 buscemi mystery tour i theorized that steve buscemi's character in grown-ups too is a time traveler who sustained his injuries that we see in the second movie but i never fully explained that those occurred because he had travelled back in time and seen him fool around with his own girlfriend and kick his own ass for hooking up with his girlfriend on a different timeline. It's certainly one of your more spacey mystery tours. Or so we thought, bro.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Because today, in the party scene, everyone's an 80s garb, except in one shot, and I think it's the fight scene between Adam Sandler and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Yeah, Stone Cold's in this movie, folks. And everyone else is in 80s garb. Like it's a big reveal. Like someone listening to the podcast for this long wouldn't already know Stone Cold. Oh yeah, by the way.
Starting point is 00:13:45 Well, last week just reminded me how many superstars there are in this that I've normalized. You know? It's just like, oh yeah, there's Stone Cold Steve Austin. Sorry. Anyway, I disrupted your point. Someone had to. So during that shot when they're fighting, there's two hands and cast arms up in the touchdown position, which is the same position
Starting point is 00:14:05 as Steve Bish seeing me in the left. In the background of frame. Big sort of surreal arms almost. So you don't see his face. You see the arms. I think it's a nod to the fact that Tim, you were right. Which they figured out
Starting point is 00:14:16 while they were shooting the film which is interesting in itself. I think which they figured out when they were listening to the podcast and they've since written into the script. And somehow gotten into our media that we're watching it on and so the arms are the exact same injury he sustains i put it to you that it's him from the past while he was still injured that the the script writers and filmmakers have actually put in hard evidence of that conspiracy theory this
Starting point is 00:14:43 isn't a family movie this is a time travel movie this so the whole the whole all the family messages with which there are many yeah reference podcasts 1 through 46 if you want to hear about those that that is all merely uh sort of smoke and mirrors to hide the that's how brilliant this film was made bro that it took it took two dudes to commit to watching Grown Ups 2 once a week for an entire year for us to only just trip over what they did on almost the final view.
Starting point is 00:15:12 If you want evidence that this thing's coming full circle, it's that you're like, this is a subtle triumph of cinema. It really does dovetail nicely against our coming down the mountain. We're grateful. We're happy. I don't want to take it away from you.
Starting point is 00:15:30 I don't want to take away the notion that that's true. You were so cocky at the start of this watch too, guy. That's what I enjoyed. I enjoyed that you went into the... Well, to be fair, we both were a little bit. But you started it, man. And you were like, look at me. I don't even this movie it just goes around me i don't even take it in anymore i can just sit there and watch it and it's fine i didn't say i didn't say the last sentence
Starting point is 00:15:54 i just say the leading and stuff i did say i feel like i'm covered in like a non-stick surface and the movie just happens around me and i'm immune what i didn't anticipate was how long the movie is um which is 101 minutes still which is interesting considering yeah yeah four dozen times i don't know three dozen times i guess the thing is it takes you on every every every watch a journey that's what i've always said every watch a journey i'm gonna get that printed out and put in a shitload of uh fortune cookies because every watch takes you on a on a unique journey through your emotions do you know what i'm saying at the start of it i'm going to say that i don't because i want to hear you explain this i was yeah i was at the start of it i was
Starting point is 00:16:36 arrogant and i was like oh this is fine like how many times can you let something get to you when you know it's coming back for more sure like this is totally okay not okay but just like not i was numb i've said it before i was dead and this was a numb viewing initially but then eventually i can't remember the specific moment but it was part of the movie um i got really restless and sort of quite aggravated. You started playing with stuff in the room. I started playing with stuff in the room. I wanted to shout out, but I didn't. We've done that a few times, eh? Yeah. It was just in the middle of the movie,
Starting point is 00:17:13 one of us would just scream. It's weird. I think it's fair to bring up how arrogant I was at the start of the movie for this new fortune cookie I'm launching, which is every watch a journey. It's difficult to market a fortune cookie with only one message because, I mean, by definition it sort of removes the mystery
Starting point is 00:17:32 of the fortune cookie. I've got an idea for your business. We're still ironing out a few of the kinks there. What if you only put a fortune in every second cookie? Oh. And then you either get that advice or no advice now you're really playing with the game because what would you do if you opened up a fortune cookie with nothing inside it dude i would go so deep inside my mind to try and find meaning into what it would be like a really zen
Starting point is 00:17:56 comment you think that means you look up you look down there's nothing in your fortune cookie then you look up and you're just floating in purgatory. Well, mentally, yeah, because you'd be going like, does it mean there is no meaning to life? Does it mean I shouldn't be looking to desserts for authority on how to live my life? There's a lot of questions being asked. And then my mind goes to, have you just tripped over a beautiful metaphor for grownups too,
Starting point is 00:18:22 which is an empty fortune cookie, which we're trying to read the meaning of when there's no filling. Or the final thought you'd probably have if you opened an empty fortune cookie would be like, or did they just make a mistake at the factory? Are you suggesting we've gone nuts? I'm suggesting someone's made a mistake at the factory.
Starting point is 00:18:48 And we shouldn't be talking about empty fortune cookies. At what person? At the fortune cookie. Me. At my new fortune cookie factory. No. Go deeper than that guy. Are you talking about the people who made the movie or us?
Starting point is 00:19:00 I'm talking about the people who made us. Is this a slight on our parents? This has nothing to do with our parents. This is probably something to do with our parents. But this has nothing to do with our parents.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Look, man, I'm just trying to, just trying to shoot the breeze with my pants. No, do you know what you're trying to do? You're trying, you're taking several steps
Starting point is 00:19:17 back from the edge because you don't like what you see. You're not a fan. I'm a massive fan. Take my hand and spit into the abyss, Guy Montgomery. Look at it. I just had a little idea for a dessert business.
Starting point is 00:19:31 I didn't think it would come to this. You're trying to wig out. You're trying to wig me out. I'm doing it too. It's happening. Time for a shining light. Here's one. In the scene where you first meet Shaq,
Starting point is 00:19:46 there's a slightly overweight blonde woman, long hair, and she's wearing a green dress. And she's just over the shoulder of the lads. You see her load, I'd say no less than four dozen rolls of toilet paper into a grey panel van. And then, do you reckon she gets in the driver's seat? Do you think maybe she gets in the passenger seat? That's what I'd do if I'd already loaded up all my toilet paper into a grey panel van and then do you reckon she gets in the driver's seat? Do you think maybe she gets in the passenger seat? That's what I'd do if I'd already loaded up all my toilet paper.
Starting point is 00:20:10 That's what I was expecting. She went back to Kmart, man. Do you know the thing with Kmart is they've just got so many of your essential needs in one convenient place and all priced at something affordable. Yeah. It's all there.
Starting point is 00:20:24 It's all there. It's all there. It's all there. My shining light was we're at the party. Wiley, the driving instructor. Steve Buscemi. Steve Buscemi is dressed as Flavor Flav. And I've always sort always taken it for granted that he keeps sort of throwing out
Starting point is 00:20:49 sort of Flavor Flav references or lines which would allude to the way Flavor Flav speaks. What my showing light is, Wiley's commitment to character for an 80s costume party. He is so method. He did not break through the whole...
Starting point is 00:21:05 No one else is doing that. Stone Cold's not talking like the Terminator. Adam Sandler's not busting out Bruce Springsteen hits. Wiley is Flavor Flav for the duration of that party. I have to correct you. Just on the end. Because it's not for the whole party. Because that laugh he gives
Starting point is 00:21:24 as it cross-dissolves into the final sequence. Look, no. That's not a Flavor Fade laugh. Don't get that take away from Riley's commitment to character at the 80s party. What that is, is they were finishing the shoot, and Dennis Dugan freaked out and was like, Oh, shit. Steve!
Starting point is 00:21:40 We don't know how to end this one. We're just going to need a pickup. It's just you laughing, okay? We'll just fucking crossfade or whatever and he's like ah i've just made this really big decision for my character wiley in which he doesn't break flavor flavor character the whole part he's like we're probably not gonna use it just just throw it in and he did it and then and now you know it's come back to bite him on the ass and that is not fair i like that you're steve buscemi is really like highlighted what a great actor steve buscemi, it's come back to bite him on the ass. And that is not fair. I like that your Steve Buscemi is really, like, highlighted what a great actor Steve Buscemi is.
Starting point is 00:22:08 It's cool, man. I dig that. Yeah, Steve Buscemi's patting himself on the back through this entire film. He should be, man. Boardwalk Empire, peace, bro. Steve Buscemi. Performance from the heavens.
Starting point is 00:22:18 I haven't actually watched Boardwalk Empire. Neither have I. I heard it's good. This is about ready to jump onto a little bus Yeah it probably is We painted it up ourselves And on the side of the bus it reads I wonder what Paul McCartney would think if he heard us singing
Starting point is 00:22:44 Probably nothing good eh Roll up for I wonder what Paul McCartney would think if he heard us singing this. Probably nothing good, eh? Roll up for the mystery tour and roll up. It's been inspiration. Roll up for the mystery tour. The Steve Buscemi mystery tour is coming to take you away. Coming to take you away. Take you today. Yeah, it is time for the Steve Buscemi
Starting point is 00:23:07 Wistery Tour Down Wisteria Lane Where we go to Wisteria Lane That's right And visit a couple desperate housewives You may have seen on the silver screen before And guess who Eva Longoria's most recent love interest is
Starting point is 00:23:19 You won't guess It's Terry Hatchet That's right They're both coming out of the closet And throwing off that macho, chasing, straight image, desperate housewives look that they had. Now there are a couple of guys and they're loving it. That's right.
Starting point is 00:23:35 And Steve Buscemi or Wiley moves in next door. Here's how the theme song goes. Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you. We've been waiting for you. We've been waiting for you. Where the kisses are his and hers and hers and three's company too. It's three's company.
Starting point is 00:23:54 It's a reboot starring Steve Buscemi, Lois Lane from Lois and Clark, and the ghost from that Paul Rudd movie where Eva Longoria is a ghost. What movie is that? Are you serious? Yeah. Her and Paul Rudd are married and then she dies
Starting point is 00:24:13 and then he's trying to move on and she keeps coming back as a ghost. I hope that's real. I've just made up a whole movie. Anyway, so those are the roommates. It's Wiley from Grown Ups 2, Lois Lane, and a ghost
Starting point is 00:24:27 who has lost Paul Rudd to someone who's still living. How could CBS not pick it up is the more pertinent question. Some people will say why. CBS will say how not. So that question is either, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:40 you putting your hand up for a role at CBS or the exact reason that you do not work and you heard right yes i just got cast as steve buscemi in that sitcom in three's company reboot 2015 that's incredible yeah leave that door closed it's so hot in here it's so hot right my back is sodden it's like i've been driving in a car with leather seats for nine hours. The reason I shut all the doors is so we don't get heaps of outside noise. But you can... No.
Starting point is 00:25:11 No. No. If you're going to be a child about it... We'll sweat it out. Fine. All right. So we're in the land of the three company reboot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:23 And Wiley is hosting drinks. Because he's trying to get rumpy-pumpy with Lois Lane. But guess what? He's got a 7am exam tomorrow morning. He's teaching one of the... He's doing a driving exam. Jesus Christ. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:25:39 So I'm playing Steve Buscemi, who's playing Wiley, playing Steve Buscemi. No. No, no, no. How Wiley, playing Steve Buscemi. No. No, no, no. How does this work? It's not important. What's important is that Wiley, on Wisteria Lane, hosting a drinks party to try and get it on with Lois Lane. Eva Longoria is moaning about Paul Rudd in a corner somewhere.
Starting point is 00:26:00 But he's got a driving exam tomorrow morning at 7am. Not one he has to take, one he has to issue Because he's a driving instructor Even in Wisteria Lane I don't know where that is in America It's gotta be inland New Jersey I've never seen them at the beach
Starting point is 00:26:18 NJ bro Oh but then they've got the Jersey Shore So I hear Unless that's all a conspiracy too Snooki Oh, but then they've got the Jersey Shore. So I hear. Unless that's all a conspiracy too. Snooki. Anyway, so he's got this driving test and he's trying to encourage Lost Land to stick around. And she just wants to have a port.
Starting point is 00:26:38 She's got a really nice bottle of port. And she's like, Oh, come on, Wiley. Let's just drink this bottle of port together. And Wiley's like, You know I'd love to, but Wiley's like Alma come on Wiley let's just drink this bottle of port together and Wiley's like you know I'd love to but Wiley's like Alma Fudd from New Jersey
Starting point is 00:26:49 I got a driving I'm hunting and Christopher Walken raised him from age 8 it was yeah yeah he's a stick band anyway so
Starting point is 00:26:58 but Lois Lane using her powers of persuasion talks him around and they split this bottle of port and the next morning and this is where Three's Company kind of meets Desperate around and they split this bottle of port and the next morning and this is where Three's Company
Starting point is 00:27:06 kind of meets Desperate Housewives in terms of sort of dramatic plot because Three's Company would never address this this is sort of like Flight with Denzel Washington
Starting point is 00:27:14 Wiley gives a lesson he does the exam at seven o'clock and the kid and when you're doing the driver's exam you've got like your own driver's wheel
Starting point is 00:27:25 and an emergency brake. So that if someone starts fucking it up, it's like, don't worry kid, I got this. Boom. And the kid runs an intersection, runs a stop sign, and there's a big 18 cab truck, big rig coming up.
Starting point is 00:27:42 And Steve Buscemi reaches across and slams his hands, because there's not an accelerator on his side, slams his hands on the kid's leg into the accelerator, and they just get past the big freight train and onto the other side of the intersection. But he rams into a lamppost with his arms down there, holding the foot on the accelerator. Yes, he does.
Starting point is 00:28:04 He gets caught on either side of the steering wheel and rams into it, his arms frozen in the touchdown position. Absolutely, I'm with you. His body left with nothing but maybe 40% or 20% feeling. I cannot remember the exact number. Medically accurate, good enough. He has to run away from town because he knows he's got too much alcohol in his bloodstream
Starting point is 00:28:23 to get away with it. That is the Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour. What do you say? I'm with you, buddy. I'm with you 110%. I think it's going to be a really good meaty role for you. Me playing Steve Buscemi, playing Wiley, playing Steve Buscemi on Three's Company, the reboot, 2015.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Yeah. On Wisteria Lane, crossover series. Really looking forward To getting to know Lois Lane better To be honest You won't get to know Lois Lane
Starting point is 00:28:49 Lois Lane's played By Terry Hatcher Yeah And journalists are fun People to hang around It's the real alcohol It's going to be a good time It's going to be a great time
Starting point is 00:28:57 Where else do we need to visit? What's next on our Destination map? Because I've got a feeling Yeah I've got an idea I have some semblance That there could be Some judgement going on It could be judgement day but what's next on our destination map? Because I've got a feeling. Yeah, I've got an idea. I have some semblance that there could be some judgment going on. It could be judgment day.
Starting point is 00:29:12 That's what you're doing. You're a pound as well. I was knocking on the door. Who's that? It's me! It's Paddy! Whoa. Who?
Starting point is 00:29:25 It's Paddy, let me in! Hold on, hold the phone there, mate. Now, exactly what are you here to do? What do you want with us? Come to the fucking party, bro! Yeah, when? Right now! Who are you again? Patty Schwartz Party time
Starting point is 00:29:52 It's Patty Schwartz Party time It's party time With Patty Schwartz Schwartz He's wearing shorts Cause the summer And he wants to show off
Starting point is 00:29:59 His dumb new cast Patty Schwartz Party time He's got 20 kilos Of self-raising flour. What's he cooking in there? What's he building in there? It's Patty Schwartz party time.
Starting point is 00:30:12 It's party time. With Patty Schwartz. Yeah, I mean, it took a while, but we got there. We'll go with the real life one first. I heard online, which means it's true. It's not true. Patty Schwartz and miley cyrus are making heaps of sex tapes 25 seven three six five all the time yeah that's you know what
Starting point is 00:30:34 that's entirely up to them you know oh yeah definitely do it do it absolutely do it don't upload them to icloud watch them delete them, shoot them again If the information's out there, the hackers are crazy They'll hack anything It's not like someone's grandpa It's crazy It's hackers They're not magic bro
Starting point is 00:30:57 They're not magicians They're fine Yeah Good luck to them The sex tapes I have no desire to watch I just like that he's making them
Starting point is 00:31:09 I like that they exist and I like it's an activity that he's getting involved in he was really into role play and one of his sex tapes was an exact shot for shot remake
Starting point is 00:31:18 of the scene at the quarry elaborate elaborate but they have to act out every single character and then so they do it with a green screen
Starting point is 00:31:26 or whatever so that they populate the entire landscape of the shot there's like 85 people in that scene yeah I know
Starting point is 00:31:33 it's a detailed sex tape okay some real high production values or so they have like locked off cameras and they do that thing where you can be in the
Starting point is 00:31:40 shot with yourself where you like yeah but I don't know they've done it real nice so it looks like they're all separate people. Even though their bodies and faces are all the same, it's like the way they're moving around
Starting point is 00:31:48 and interacting with each other, it looks like there's a bunch of people there. You have to look kind of close to know. Would you shoot the whole video at once before you have sex? Because that shot would take days. Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty expensive sex tape.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Like Sting ain't got nothing on these two. I mean, to be honest, I guess the disappointing thing for me when I watched it was they didn't even eventually have sex. I mean to be honest I guess the disappointing thing for me when I watched it was they didn't even eventually have sex. It was just exactly
Starting point is 00:32:07 what I've described. A shot for shot remake of the scene at the quarry in Grown Ups 2. Wow. And it's only Patty Schwartz. They did all the lines.
Starting point is 00:32:15 I mean it's bang on. Well hold on. If it's got this following line then we've got to hit it on our hands and if not then it doesn't. Does it include the
Starting point is 00:32:24 cool zoom where braden higgins says summertime with his thumbs up glasses on and the lilo there's a video out there on the internet of patty schwartz doing that exact thing well guess what bro we got a hit on our hands we didn't produce it we're not going to see any of the profits it doesn't matter i'm excited for whoever will which is Paddy Schwartz obviously Yeah He made that sex tape My Paddy Schwartz party time Is
Starting point is 00:32:49 I had a movie one too Oh you go Mine is movie two It was his hair I don't think we've paid enough attention to it It's a good classic frat boy hairdo Cause you're seeing a lot of David Spade
Starting point is 00:33:00 And seeing a lot of Brayden And they've both got Blonde straggly hair Paddy Schwartz has. And they've both got blonde straggly hair. Patty Schwartz has blonde hair too, but it's not straggly. It's delicious. It's a brownie blonde. Dusty.
Starting point is 00:33:11 It's a dusty. What's your one? It's at the party. There's one shot where he's tugging on his shorts heaps. Just tugging on his shorts. So either he was nervous as an actor and didn't know what to do with his hands, which is a real problem you face if there's a camera on you.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Or... Ricky Bobby does a very funny joke about it in Talladega Nights. Oh, yeah? Anyway, it's either that or it's a decision he made as the character he was playing. Being awkward.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Being Patty Schwartz. Not being awkward. He had to go pee. Oh! But he can't let anyone know that because you're in the middle of antagonizing the entire town fantastic actor playing a role where he has to do the potty dance or real life awkward aquaman son of a governor you decide internet i feel like we should throw
Starting point is 00:33:57 a text number out you know 399 text 399 we don't know where that will go we does 3 399 is not even enough digits It might just bounce It'll probably come back to you Hopefully costing you nothing We could put a poll on Facebook I'm definitely not going to do that And I know you're not going to do it
Starting point is 00:34:14 I'm always making polls on Facebook You are not All the time You're a fucking liar What we are doing though I'm going to mention it again We're trying to get money off people We're trying to perform a shakedown
Starting point is 00:34:26 Yeah An online shakedown Guys we want to do the 52nd episode in LA We've booked CineFamily Yeah It's on It's going to happen on February 17th Well I mean
Starting point is 00:34:35 Either CineFamily is going to have us And no one Or us and a lot of people Or CineFamily is just going to be empty on the 17th of We're just going to be left with a bill What are you... Oh, you're alluding to the fact that we might not come to LA if they don't give us money.
Starting point is 00:34:48 That's what I was trying to do. And we've also got another event after it. Yeah. At the next night. Yeah. Special event at UCB. At UCB Sunset. Because UCB are good people.
Starting point is 00:34:57 And Cinefamily are good people. Everyone seems to be good people. And we just... But we need to... And I'll tell you what, we approached a couple airlines folks they said no yeah i think and i i was so sure that we'd get flights and then i think i said this to you i was overconfident i i didn't realize that airlines don't value advertising on grown-ups
Starting point is 00:35:20 too focused i think i'd text you words to that effect when you said, I can't believe they weren't interested and I said, yeah, it's a really fucked up idea. Yeah, I think I'd lost, I'd lost perspective. Yeah. Anyway,
Starting point is 00:35:32 so we've got this, we've got this Kickstarter. It's on, you can link to it through the Facebook page. You guys still believe us though, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:39 You know we're doing the right thing here, right? Yeah. We just need a few dollars, man. Get back on our feet. That's all we're asking for, man. You know us. doing the right thing here, right? Yeah. We just need a few dollars, man. Get back on our feet. That's all we're asking for, man.
Starting point is 00:35:46 You know us. We're friends. We're not crazy. We went to grade school together. It's me. It's Steve. Anyway, the other thing is that we recently did a crossover podcast with some guys at Read It and Weep, in which we discussed.
Starting point is 00:36:01 It's called Read It and Weep. We discussed grown-ups, too. They're really fun guys, so you can find that somewhere as well and that's it i want to go for a walk it's stinking hot is it hot well walk to the to water i don't want to go for a walk because it's stinking hot it's not oh yeah that's what you're saying yeah yeah i feel like even a walk in the sunshine would be less hot than this living room right now yeah it's disgusting it's like we've locked ourselves in a greenhouse
Starting point is 00:36:27 yeah we're on a real anthill here and there's a five year old outside with a brand spanking new magnifying glass there must be such a weird concept if you're listening
Starting point is 00:36:34 in America because it's winter there it's like winter it's like winter man it's like the opposite of summer man but we don't get snow here
Starting point is 00:36:43 there's snow over there it's real cold, man. Hey, and shout out to all my peeps in Nova Scotia while I'm here too. You guys are dope. Hey, big ups to Nova Scotia. Big ups to the United Arab Emirates. With someone? Like there is a friend group because I think there's only one collection of people.
Starting point is 00:36:59 But it's reasonable numbers. Someone's downloading in Dubai. Sixth most downloaded country Or 5th most downloaded country And we've got a lot of countries On that list of that track Thank you very much United Arab Emirates But who the fuck are you guys?
Starting point is 00:37:10 What's your story? Can you please get in touch If you're from UA That was episode 47 We are at Basecamp Repeat We are at Basecamp Here on the worst idea of all time
Starting point is 00:37:22 Join us next week When we review Grown Ups 2. Grown Ups 2. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, We'll see you next time. It has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.