The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E47: ThompsonWood
Episode Date: April 1, 2024Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:Guy and Tim are joined by their f...riends and NZ comedy people Dai Henwood and Josh Thompson for an extended guest episode. In the Grown Ups 2 arena this week, the boys hit some familiar terrain such as Kmart, product placement, racial stereotypes and a perceived lack of plot. Plus some curveballs get thrown, including why does Principal Tardio makes no moves to avoid getting paint dropped on him and quick drying deer piss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey everyone and welcome to episode 47. I've just been out walking the dog listening to this one
on a summery autumnal day here in Auckland and I highly recommend you do the same. It's a good
pairing I think to absorb this episode. Me just simply refusing to let Guy Montgomery finish a point for the first half of the episode
our utter inability to sell a fundraiser that we're trying to do it's the most it's the most
kiwi thing you've ever heard these two guys trying to get to America setting up a fundraising
campaign and then just absolutely refusing to tell anyone accurate details about how to contribute
to it um spoiler alert it went fine
nonetheless which is good i was listening to this episode and i think what i'm hearing is um is a
tim bat from 10 years ago who was just the the right amount of stoned to really be playing on
the edge you know it opened up a lot of good uh mental nooks and crannies that I think you'll hear in the episode.
I definitely fall off the path once or twice, but overall it's a good one. In particular, the Paddy Schwartz radio play, I will call it, is tremendous.
It's like a skit from a hip-hop album before a track comes on.
It's a good time.
Enjoy this episode.
We don't have that many left so this has been great um maybe go and i'll get together again like we did for prawn salad for 52
yeah we'll try we'll see if we can make that happen anyway enjoy this episode 47 here we go Feel that moment, love every day
Cause before you know it, your precious time slips away
Hey everybody, and welcome to the worst idea of all time with myself, Tim Batt
And me, Guy Montgomery. This is episode 47
High five. We did it. Five to go.
And it's a pleasure to be here. Conditions are perfect.
Yeah, things couldn't be any better if they tried to be better. They couldn't be.
That's how I feel. That's certainly how you feel, Tim.
Let's dive straight into it.
No, let's not. We've got to launch a product.
What product?
Oh, right, us.
Yeah, we're the product.
You better take the reins on this one, bud.
Clearly I am ill-equipped.
So if you're listening to this,
that means that we've launched a Kickstarter
in the hopes of getting us all the way to Los Angeles, California.
Los Angeles, California.
Los Angeles, California.
Which is such a long way away for us Kiwis.
That's right.
It's like a dreamland
That doesn't exist
We're not going to
Bore you with the details here
Someone made up
But suffice it to say
If you're listening
Please click onto it
It's on our Facebook page
We'll bore you with the details
Plenty
Are you joking me?
The details are
People want to hear the details
The details are
We didn't make any money from this
We want to do the last episode
In LA
Yeah
And we'd love
A helping hand Just a helping hand.
Just a gentle hand lifting us into the airplane.
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh.
Oh.
Guys lost it.
Guys, go on, people.
No, I was just saying I like it.
What you're hearing is a broken man.
A broken man at the end of too many grown-ups' twos.
I won't stand for that.
Look, I genuinely feel like,
let's say we've climbed Everest,
and at the very start of the descent,
there were some crags,
some icy tundras.
Schism?
Yeah, some schisms.
Is that the word you were looking for?
A crevasse, maybe.
There's like a, what I'm saying is it was difficult., some schisms. Is that the word you were looking for? A crevasse, maybe. There's like a...
What I'm saying is it was difficult.
It was difficult.
Chasm's the word.
They say that when you climb Mount Everest,
you've only done half the job
because getting back down is just as dangerous as getting up.
And I feel like that analogy is perfect
for the grown-ups to ascent and descent.
I genuinely feel like we're sort of...
We're almost down at the lowermost base
camp and like we've got a bunch of sherpas with us uh you know are they as good as tenzing
there's someone's probably shipped in some blaze pizza uh i'm saying that's how far down the
mountain we are that we've got access to blaze pizza bro let me tell you how good both tenzing
and blaze pizza are tenzing is a good enough Sherpa to bring those artisanal ingredients
and Blaze Pizza are good enough
to warrant bringing them on the trip.
They're both as excellent as each other.
It's a match made.
And I look forward to seeing you
and Tenzing at Blaze Pizza
in Los Angeles, California.
I don't think you'll see Sherpa Tenzing
in Los Angeles, California.
So anyway, the analogy,
the mental imagery that you were painting there
is that we're on the way down.
Well, what I'm saying is that I'm so...
Nearly done.
Yeah.
Nearly done, love.
That's us.
Oh, not long.
Some sort of Geordie...
My knees hurt.
Some Geordie British guy just about to finish sex.
Oh, nearly done, love.
Not long now.
It was the office episode
Where he's got to
Throw a boot
Over the bar
Yeah
And then the close out
Is
It's not dawn
Someone's
Finchie's
Gotten his rocks off
With someone
It's been a while
Since I saw that show
Bloody good show
Great mate
It's really
It's really nice detail
To pepper in there
So we're on the mountain
Guy
You and I
Inexperienced
Ill-equipped and
ill-advised we came in hardy like a bunch of german tourists going into a national park in
the middle of central north island new zealand but much like the german tourists we didn't bring a
compass we didn't bring rope we didn't bring enough rations food sunblock all clothing to
keep us warm overnight and we have lost our way guy montgomery we are
lost we cannot see the wood for the trees no i'm saying despite those insurmount seemingly
insurmountable odds i mean we didn't bring any supplies we we are german tourists as you as you
stated in a national park in the north island of new zealand my name is franz okay franz okay franz
what i'm saying is we have made it down the mountain.
Who are you going to be?
Klaus.
Oh, Klaus, my old friend.
I remember when Klaus and I were in school together in Berlin because it is the only German town I know.
It's more of a city when you think about it.
I'm not from Germany.
I'm from New Zealandaland what i'm saying
is that despite those insurmountable odds you don't commit man you gotta commit to the bit
i've always said that because if you piss off germans shit gets real real all of a sudden
all i'm saying is that despite the fact we didn't take supplies, we don't need to worry about the supplies anymore.
We could survive on oxygen and walking daily.
There's only five to go.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
We're so close to...
Like, we can see...
People can't hear us, but they can see us.
Okay, you can see a church spire in the faraway town.
You're close enough to, like, civilization to a settled town
that they've got a spire,
some sort of church spire.
What religion are the Nepalese?
Yeah, I wouldn't imagine
you'd get a lot of spires
down near the base of Everest.
You tell me, like,
I don't know.
They're Buddhists predominantly,
at a guess.
That's probably right.
Hey, good on you, Nepal.
Yeah, this is a pretty relaxed one.
Shout out.
Massive shout out to Nepal.
Massive shout out.
And to Buddhists, actually. Yeah, mate. Covers more land mass Shout out. Massive shout out to Nepal. Massive shout out. And to Buddhists, actually.
Yeah, mate.
Covers more landmass, mate.
Got to get the numbers up.
Get all your shout outs out now.
Get them all out at the top.
Jesse, happy birthday from your dad and your uncle, Mick.
Shout out.
Any other shout outs?
Shout out to my son.
Your son?
Kevin, who's doing his first ever half Ironman marathon today at five years old.
Kevin,
we're cheering you on from here.
God bless.
It's too bad your dad couldn't make it.
There's just business was calling.
I was just,
I've got to drive the truck.
That's why I'm ringing the radio to get the shout out to you,
mate.
Shout out.
We're not on the radio.
Anyway,
I'd like to talk about,
there's a sentence,
which I always sort of am surprised by my saying. I'd like to talk about There's a sentence which I always Sort of am surprised by my saying
I'd like to talk about grown ups too
Please tell me more
First of all
Klaus
I noticed
Franz or Fritz
Whatever your name is
That Jansport
Undeniably
Stumped up some money for this movie
They did this time
They hadn't in all the other times we've watched the movie
They definitely had
But they'd done it so well
My theory is that
Jansport is so
popular
and ubiquitous
that you don't even notice
their product in there
because you're so used to
seeing a Jansport backpack
it doesn't even jar you
out of the world of the film
you're just like
oh of course
I appreciated that you had
the audacity to use
ubiquitousness
ubiquitous
ubiquity
I only know about it
because of Roy Ay is yeah you chucked
it in there with such a lot of enthusiasm and confidence but you kind of slowed down when you
got to like a speed bump in the road no it wasn't like a speed but it was like me slowing down past
a fancy restaurant in my new car to be like ubiquitous yeah i'm like hey it looks delicious
my car is called ubiquitous i'm showing off my car to the diners. Oh, right. So you were slowing down for everyone else,
not for yourself.
I was slowing down for everyone.
Baller.
Goddamn word baller.
We sort of derailed the point,
but Jan Sport,
good work on some sub-product placement.
Well done, Jan Sport.
I want to know when people talk sales figures
about grown-ups too,
how many tickets or how much it raised
if that includes
all the sponsorship deals
well it's 80
80 million dollars
is the nine figure
do you think
80 million dollars plus
probably won't
no 80 million was
the production budget
or no
so how much
is that
it's more of
it made 230
it made 230 mil
but we don't know
if that's just
ticket sales
at what stage
that includes
DVDs and Blu-rays,
if it includes the sponsorship.
If you think about product placement,
they're not paying on like a...
They're not going to chart.
They're not on a commission.
They're not charting how well the movie does,
then taking a percentage.
So you're saying it is in that 230?
I'm saying...
What I'm wondering is how much of the 80 mil production budget...
We're seeing Jansport.
We're seeing Motts.
We're seeing a lot of Motts.
You know who we should be seeing?
Blaze fucking pizza.
It seems like a match made in heaven, you know?
Well, with those delicious fresh ingredients
and the rate at which they sort of churn those pizzas out
one after another,
as delicious as the last.
Hashtag art is anal.
Those ingredients are fresh, handpicked And delicious
And the whole pizza only takes 180 seconds
In a flash cooker
How cool is that?
The trouble with what we're doing here Tim
Is we're not getting to the end of a lot of the points
I wrote down like four points
Where are you going with this one?
You do not mop tar seal
Alright, tell me more
When Principal Tardio You do not mop tar seal. All right. Tell me more.
When Principal Tardio, when the kids, the classic pranksters,
probably a couple of sophomores knowing those guys,
probably Larry and Steve.
Yeah.
They are a real laugh, I tell you what.
But you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of them.
You don't want to be on the back end of one of their pranks because you'll be walking out of a locker after two months of summer.
You'll be you'll be walking out of a locker after two months of summer you'll be pretty thin i heard they once stole the puritans mascot with the dude still in the suit
yeah they did and put them on top of the library i was on the road there for you were not i was
fully there for that right i was the one who suggested we put the skewer like just up through
the suit so he actually couldn't get out of the suit. That was my idea. That is a sick gag, bro.
Larry actually fully laughed
and said that's a really good idea, guy.
Fully sick.
That was the dopest moment of my life.
God, that's fully sick, bro.
Anyway, so when probably,
presumably Larry and Steve
filled up Principal Tardio's car
with blue paint in the car park
and he opens it
and all the paint comes out,
the janitor,
the school janitor
is standing next to him
in the car park on the street with a mop in a bucket on wheels full of hot soapy water.
I've never seen anyone mop tar seal before.
It's about 8.30, 9 o'clock, depending on when the school day starts.
What is he doing out there?
This is a guy who's so good at his job
that even on the last day of school,
everything is so clean.
The only place left is Principal Tardio's car to clean.
That's it.
And so do you think he knows,
because it's a yearly prank,
he knows that the car's going to be filled with blue paint
and he's standing by?
He's so ready, bro.
He's ready enough to not tell him that.
Yeah, if he's such a good employee,
you'd think he'd tell Principal Tardio.
Because he enjoys a good gag.
Just because he knows doesn't mean he's Mr. O.
And you wouldn't want to dob in Larry and Steve
because if you get on the wrong side of Larry and Steve,
they will fuck you up.
They will eat your shit.
They will actually ruin you.
They really, yeah.
Fully sick.
Those guys are classic.
Honestly, if you're listening, Larry and Steve,
shout outs to you guys.
You're an inspiration.
Just some of the most classic sort of pranks I know.
A little while ago during the steve
buscemi mystery tour i theorized that steve buscemi's character in grown-ups too is a time
traveler who sustained his injuries that we see in the second movie but i never fully explained
that those occurred because he had travelled back in time
and seen him fool around with his own girlfriend
and kick his own ass for hooking up with his girlfriend
on a different timeline.
It's certainly one of your more spacey mystery tours.
Or so we thought, bro.
Because today, in the party scene,
everyone's an 80s garb,
except in one shot, and I think it's the fight scene between Adam Sandler and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Yeah, Stone Cold's in this movie, folks.
And everyone else is in 80s garb.
Like it's a big reveal.
Like someone listening to the podcast for this long wouldn't already know Stone Cold.
Oh yeah, by the way.
Well, last week just reminded me how many superstars there are in this that I've normalized.
You know?
It's just like, oh yeah, there's Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Sorry.
Anyway, I disrupted your point.
Someone had to.
So during that shot when they're fighting, there's two hands and cast arms up in the touchdown position,
which is the same position
as Steve Bish seeing me in the left.
In the background of frame.
Big sort of surreal arms almost.
So you don't see his face.
You see the arms.
I think it's a nod to the fact
that Tim, you were right.
Which they figured out
while they were shooting the film
which is interesting in itself.
I think which they figured out
when they were listening to the podcast
and they've since written into the script.
And somehow gotten into our media that we're watching it on and so the arms are the exact same injury he
sustains i put it to you that it's him from the past while he was still injured that the the
script writers and filmmakers have actually put in hard evidence of that conspiracy theory this
isn't a family movie this is a time travel movie
this so the whole the whole all the family messages with which there are many yeah reference
podcasts 1 through 46 if you want to hear about those that that is all merely uh sort of smoke
and mirrors to hide the that's how brilliant this film was made bro that it took it took two dudes
to commit to watching Grown Ups 2
once a week for an entire year
for us to only just trip over what they did
on almost the final view.
If you want evidence that this thing's coming full circle,
it's that you're like,
this is a subtle triumph of cinema.
It really does dovetail nicely against our
coming down the mountain.
We're grateful.
We're happy.
I don't want to take it away from you.
I don't want to take away the notion that that's true.
You were so cocky at the start of this watch too, guy.
That's what I enjoyed.
I enjoyed that you went into the...
Well, to be fair, we both were a little bit.
But you started it, man.
And you were like, look at me. I don't even this movie it just goes around me i don't even take it in
anymore i can just sit there and watch it and it's fine i didn't say i didn't say the last sentence
i just say the leading and stuff i did say i feel like i'm covered in like a non-stick surface and
the movie just happens around me and i'm immune what i didn't anticipate was how long the movie is um
which is 101 minutes still which is interesting considering yeah yeah four dozen times i don't
know three dozen times i guess the thing is it takes you on every every every watch a journey
that's what i've always said every watch a journey i'm gonna get that printed out and put in a
shitload of uh fortune cookies because every watch takes you on a on a unique
journey through your emotions do you know what i'm saying at the start of it i'm going to say
that i don't because i want to hear you explain this i was yeah i was at the start of it i was
arrogant and i was like oh this is fine like how many times can you let something get to you when
you know it's coming back for more sure like this is totally okay
not okay but just like not i was numb i've said it before i was dead and this was a numb viewing
initially but then eventually i can't remember the specific moment but it was part of the movie
um i got really restless and sort of quite aggravated. You started playing with stuff in the room. I started playing with stuff in the room. I wanted to shout out, but I didn't.
We've done that a few times, eh?
Yeah.
It was just in the middle of the movie,
one of us would just scream.
It's weird.
I think it's fair to bring up how arrogant I was
at the start of the movie for this new fortune cookie
I'm launching, which is every watch a journey.
It's difficult to market a fortune cookie
with only one message because, I mean,
by definition it sort of removes the mystery
of the fortune cookie.
I've got an idea for your business.
We're still ironing out a few of the kinks there.
What if you only put a fortune in every second cookie?
Oh.
And then you either get that advice or no advice now you're really playing with the game
because what would you do if you opened up a fortune cookie with nothing inside it dude i
would go so deep inside my mind to try and find meaning into what it would be like a really zen
comment you think that means you look up you look down there's nothing in your fortune cookie then
you look up and you're just floating in purgatory. Well, mentally, yeah, because you'd be going like,
does it mean there is no meaning to life?
Does it mean I shouldn't be looking to desserts for authority
on how to live my life?
There's a lot of questions being asked.
And then my mind goes to,
have you just tripped over a beautiful metaphor for grownups too,
which is an empty fortune cookie,
which we're trying to read the meaning of
when there's no filling.
Or the final thought you'd probably have
if you opened an empty fortune cookie would be like,
or did they just make a mistake at the factory?
Are you suggesting we've gone nuts?
I'm suggesting someone's made a mistake at the factory.
And we shouldn't be talking about empty fortune cookies.
At what person?
At the fortune cookie.
Me.
At my new fortune cookie factory.
No.
Go deeper than that guy.
Are you talking about the people who made the movie or us?
I'm talking about the people who made us.
Is this a slight on our parents?
This has nothing to do
with our parents.
This is probably something
to do with our parents.
But this has nothing
to do with our parents.
Look, man,
I'm just trying to,
just trying to shoot the breeze
with my pants.
No, do you know
what you're trying to do?
You're trying,
you're taking several steps
back from the edge
because you don't like
what you see.
You're not a fan.
I'm a massive fan.
Take my hand and spit into the abyss, Guy Montgomery.
Look at it.
I just had a little idea for a dessert business.
I didn't think it would come to this.
You're trying to wig out.
You're trying to wig me out.
I'm doing it too.
It's happening.
Time for a shining light.
Here's one.
In the scene where you first meet Shaq,
there's a slightly overweight blonde woman, long hair,
and she's wearing a green dress.
And she's just over the shoulder of the lads.
You see her load, I'd say no less than four dozen rolls of toilet paper
into a grey panel van.
And then, do you reckon she gets in the driver's seat? Do you think maybe she gets in the passenger seat? That's what I'd do if I'd already loaded up all my toilet paper into a grey panel van and then do you reckon she gets in the driver's seat?
Do you think maybe she gets in the passenger seat?
That's what I'd do if I'd already loaded up all my toilet paper.
That's what I was expecting.
She went back to Kmart, man.
Do you know the thing with Kmart is
they've just got so many of your essential needs
in one convenient place and
all priced at something affordable.
Yeah.
It's all there.
It's all there. It's all there.
It's all there.
My shining light was we're at the party.
Wiley, the driving instructor.
Steve Buscemi.
Steve Buscemi is dressed as Flavor Flav.
And I've always sort always taken it for granted
that he keeps sort of throwing out
sort of Flavor Flav references
or lines which would allude
to the way Flavor Flav speaks.
What my showing light is,
Wiley's commitment to character
for an 80s costume party.
He is so method.
He did not break through the whole...
No one else is doing that.
Stone Cold's not talking like the Terminator.
Adam Sandler's not busting out Bruce Springsteen hits.
Wiley is Flavor Flav for the duration of that party.
I have to correct you.
Just on the end.
Because it's not for the whole party.
Because that laugh he gives
as it cross-dissolves into the final sequence.
Look, no.
That's not a Flavor Fade laugh.
Don't get that take away from Riley's commitment to character at the 80s party.
What that is, is they were finishing the shoot,
and Dennis Dugan freaked out and was like,
Oh, shit.
Steve!
We don't know how to end this one.
We're just going to need a pickup.
It's just you laughing, okay? We'll just fucking crossfade or whatever and he's like ah i've just made this really big
decision for my character wiley in which he doesn't break flavor flavor character the whole
part he's like we're probably not gonna use it just just throw it in and he did it and then
and now you know it's come back to bite him on the ass and that is not fair i like that you're
steve buscemi is really like highlighted what a great actor steve buscemi, it's come back to bite him on the ass. And that is not fair. I like that your Steve Buscemi is really, like,
highlighted what a great actor Steve Buscemi is.
It's cool, man.
I dig that.
Yeah, Steve Buscemi's patting himself on the back
through this entire film.
He should be, man.
Boardwalk Empire, peace, bro.
Steve Buscemi.
Performance from the heavens.
I haven't actually watched Boardwalk Empire.
Neither have I.
I heard it's good.
This is about ready to jump onto a little bus
Yeah it probably is
We painted it up ourselves
And on the side of the bus it reads
I wonder what Paul McCartney would think if he heard us singing
Probably nothing good eh Roll up for I wonder what Paul McCartney would think if he heard us singing this. Probably nothing good, eh?
Roll up for the mystery tour and roll up.
It's been inspiration.
Roll up for the mystery tour.
The Steve Buscemi mystery tour is coming to take you away.
Coming to take you away.
Take you today.
Yeah, it is time for the Steve Buscemi
Wistery Tour
Down Wisteria Lane
Where we go to Wisteria Lane
That's right
And visit a couple desperate housewives
You may have seen on the silver screen before
And guess who Eva Longoria's
most recent love interest is
You won't guess
It's Terry Hatchet
That's right
They're both coming out of the closet
And throwing off that macho, chasing, straight
image, desperate housewives look that they had.
Now there are a couple of guys and they're loving it.
That's right.
And Steve Buscemi or Wiley moves in next door.
Here's how the theme song goes.
Come and knock on our door.
We've been waiting for you. We've been waiting for you.
We've been waiting for you.
Where the kisses are his and hers and hers
and three's company too.
It's three's company.
It's a reboot starring Steve Buscemi,
Lois Lane from Lois and Clark,
and the ghost from that Paul Rudd movie
where Eva Longoria is a ghost.
What movie is that?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Her and Paul Rudd are married and then she dies
and then he's trying to move on
and she keeps coming back as a ghost.
I hope that's real.
I've just made up a whole movie.
Anyway, so those are the roommates.
It's Wiley from Grown Ups 2,
Lois Lane,
and a ghost
who has lost Paul Rudd
to someone who's still living.
How could CBS not pick it up
is the more pertinent question.
Some people will say why.
CBS will say how not.
So that question is either,
you know,
you putting your hand up for a role at CBS
or the exact reason that you do not work
and you heard right yes i just got cast as steve buscemi in that sitcom in three's company reboot
2015 that's incredible yeah leave that door closed it's so hot in here it's so hot right
my back is sodden it's like i've been driving in a car with leather seats for nine hours.
The reason I shut all the doors is so we don't get heaps of outside noise.
But you can...
No.
No.
No.
If you're going to be a child about it...
We'll sweat it out.
Fine.
All right.
So we're in the land of the three company reboot.
Yeah.
And Wiley is hosting drinks.
Because he's trying to get rumpy-pumpy with Lois Lane.
But guess what?
He's got a 7am exam tomorrow morning.
He's teaching one of the...
He's doing a driving exam.
Jesus Christ.
Hold on.
So I'm playing Steve Buscemi, who's playing Wiley, playing Steve Buscemi.
No. No, no, no. How Wiley, playing Steve Buscemi. No.
No, no, no.
How does this work?
It's not important.
What's important is that Wiley, on Wisteria Lane,
hosting a drinks party to try and get it on with Lois Lane.
Eva Longoria is moaning about Paul Rudd in a corner somewhere.
But he's got a driving exam tomorrow morning at 7am.
Not one he has to take, one he has to issue
Because he's a driving instructor
Even in Wisteria Lane
I don't know where that is in America
It's gotta be inland
New Jersey
I've never seen them at the beach
NJ bro
Oh but then they've got the Jersey Shore
So I hear
Unless that's all a conspiracy too Snooki Oh, but then they've got the Jersey Shore. So I hear.
Unless that's all a conspiracy too.
Snooki.
Anyway, so he's got this driving test and he's trying to encourage Lost Land to stick around.
And she just wants to have a port.
She's got a really nice bottle of port.
And she's like,
Oh, come on, Wiley.
Let's just drink this bottle of port together.
And Wiley's like,
You know I'd love to, but Wiley's like Alma come on Wiley let's just drink this bottle of port together and Wiley's like you know I'd love to but
Wiley's like
Alma Fudd from New Jersey
I got a driving
I'm hunting
and Christopher Walken
raised him from age 8
it was
yeah yeah
he's a stick band
anyway so
but
Lois Lane
using her powers of persuasion
talks him around
and they split this bottle of port
and the next morning
and this is where Three's Company kind of meets Desperate around and they split this bottle of port and the next morning and this is where
Three's Company
kind of meets
Desperate Housewives
in terms of
sort of dramatic plot
because Three's Company
would never address this
this is sort of like
Flight with Denzel Washington
Wiley gives a lesson
he does the exam
at seven o'clock
and the kid
and when you're doing
the driver's exam
you've got like
your own driver's wheel
and an emergency brake.
So that if someone starts fucking it up,
it's like, don't worry kid, I got this.
Boom.
And the kid runs an intersection,
runs a stop sign,
and there's a big 18 cab truck,
big rig coming up.
And Steve Buscemi reaches across and slams his hands,
because there's not an accelerator on his side,
slams his hands on the kid's leg into the accelerator,
and they just get past the big freight train
and onto the other side of the intersection.
But he rams into a lamppost with his arms down there,
holding the foot on the accelerator.
Yes, he does.
He gets caught on either side of the steering wheel
and rams into it, his arms frozen in the touchdown position.
Absolutely, I'm with you.
His body left with nothing but maybe 40% or 20% feeling.
I cannot remember the exact number.
Medically accurate, good enough.
He has to run away from town
because he knows he's got too much alcohol in his bloodstream
to get away with it.
That is the Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour.
What do you say?
I'm with you, buddy.
I'm with you 110%.
I think it's going to be a really good meaty role for you.
Me playing Steve Buscemi, playing Wiley,
playing Steve Buscemi on Three's Company, the reboot, 2015.
Yeah.
On Wisteria Lane, crossover series.
Really looking forward
To getting to know
Lois Lane better
To be honest
You won't get to know
Lois Lane
Lois Lane's played
By Terry Hatcher
Yeah
And journalists are fun
People to hang around
It's the real alcohol
It's going to be a good time
It's going to be a great time
Where else do we need to visit?
What's next on our
Destination map?
Because I've got a feeling
Yeah I've got an idea
I have some semblance That there could be Some judgement going on It could be judgement day but what's next on our destination map? Because I've got a feeling. Yeah, I've got an idea.
I have some semblance that there could be some judgment going on.
It could be judgment day.
That's what you're doing.
You're a pound as well.
I was knocking on the door.
Who's that?
It's me!
It's Paddy!
Whoa.
Who?
It's Paddy, let me in!
Hold on, hold the phone there, mate.
Now, exactly what are you here to do?
What do you want with us?
Come to the fucking party, bro!
Yeah, when?
Right now!
Who are you again? Patty Schwartz Party time
It's Patty Schwartz
Party time
It's party time
With Patty Schwartz
Schwartz
He's wearing shorts
Cause the summer
And he wants to show off
His dumb new cast
Patty Schwartz
Party time
He's got 20 kilos
Of self-raising flour.
What's he cooking in there?
What's he building in there?
It's Patty Schwartz party time.
It's party time.
With Patty Schwartz.
Yeah, I mean, it took a while, but we got there.
We'll go with the real life one first.
I heard online, which means it's true.
It's not true.
Patty Schwartz and miley cyrus
are making heaps of sex tapes 25 seven three six five all the time yeah that's you know what
that's entirely up to them you know oh yeah definitely do it do it absolutely do it don't
upload them to icloud watch them delete them, shoot them again
If the information's out there, the hackers are crazy
They'll hack anything
It's not like someone's grandpa
It's crazy
It's hackers
They're not magic bro
They're not magicians
They're fine
Yeah
Good luck to them
The sex tapes
I have no desire to watch
I just like
that he's making them
I like that they exist
and I like it's an activity
that he's
getting involved in
he was really into role play
and one of his sex tapes
was an exact
shot for shot remake
of the scene
at the quarry
elaborate
elaborate
but they have to act out
every single character
and then so they do it
with a green screen
or whatever
so that they
populate the entire
landscape of the shot
there's like
85 people
in that scene
yeah I know
it's a detailed sex tape
okay
some real high
production values
or so they have like
locked off cameras
and they do that thing
where you can be in the
shot with yourself
where you like
yeah but I don't know
they've done it real nice
so it looks like
they're all separate people.
Even though their bodies and faces are all the same,
it's like the way they're moving around
and interacting with each other,
it looks like there's a bunch of people there.
You have to look kind of close to know.
Would you shoot the whole video at once
before you have sex?
Because that shot would take days.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a pretty expensive sex tape.
Like Sting ain't got nothing on these two.
I mean, to be honest,
I guess the disappointing thing for me
when I watched it was
they didn't even eventually have sex. I mean to be honest I guess the disappointing thing for me when I watched it was they
didn't even eventually
have sex.
It was just exactly
what I've described.
A shot for shot remake
of the scene at the
quarry in Grown Ups 2.
Wow.
And it's only Patty
Schwartz.
They did all the lines.
I mean it's bang on.
Well hold on.
If it's got this
following line then
we've got to hit it on
our hands and if not
then it doesn't.
Does it include the
cool zoom
where braden higgins says summertime with his thumbs up glasses on and the lilo there's a video
out there on the internet of patty schwartz doing that exact thing well guess what bro we got a hit
on our hands we didn't produce it we're not going to see any of the profits it doesn't matter i'm
excited for whoever will which is Paddy Schwartz obviously Yeah
He made that sex tape
My Paddy Schwartz party time
Is
I had a movie one too
Oh you go
Mine is movie two
It was his hair
I don't think we've paid enough attention to it
It's a good classic frat boy hairdo
Cause you're seeing a lot of
David Spade
And seeing a lot of
Brayden
And they've both got
Blonde straggly hair Paddy Schwartz has. And they've both got blonde straggly hair.
Patty Schwartz has blonde hair too, but it's not straggly.
It's delicious.
It's a brownie blonde.
Dusty.
It's a dusty.
What's your one?
It's at the party.
There's one shot where he's tugging on his shorts heaps.
Just tugging on his shorts.
So either he was nervous as an actor and didn't know what to do with his hands,
which is a real problem you face
if there's a camera on you.
Or...
Ricky Bobby does a very funny joke about it
in Talladega Nights.
Oh, yeah?
Anyway, it's either that
or it's a decision he made
as the character he was playing.
Being awkward.
Being Patty Schwartz.
Not being awkward.
He had to go pee.
Oh!
But he can't let anyone know that
because you're in the middle
of antagonizing the entire town fantastic actor playing a role where he has to do the potty dance
or real life awkward aquaman son of a governor you decide internet i feel like we should throw
a text number out you know 399 text 399 we don't know where that will go we does 3 399 is not even
enough digits
It might just bounce
It'll probably come back to you
Hopefully costing you nothing
We could put a poll on Facebook
I'm definitely not going to do that
And I know you're not going to do it
I'm always making polls on Facebook
You are not
All the time
You're a fucking liar
What we are doing though
I'm going to mention it again
We're trying to get money off people
We're trying to perform a shakedown
Yeah
An online shakedown
Guys we want to do the 52nd episode in LA
We've booked CineFamily
Yeah
It's on
It's going to happen on February 17th
Well I mean
Either CineFamily is going to have us
And no one
Or us and a lot of people
Or CineFamily is just going to be empty on the 17th of
We're just going to be left with a bill
What are you...
Oh, you're alluding to the fact that we might not come to LA
if they don't give us money.
That's what I was trying to do.
And we've also got another event after it.
Yeah.
At the next night.
Yeah.
Special event at UCB.
At UCB Sunset.
Because UCB are good people.
And Cinefamily are good people.
Everyone seems to be good people.
And we just...
But we need to...
And I'll tell you what,
we approached a couple airlines
folks they said no yeah i think and i i was so sure that we'd get flights and then i think i said
this to you i was overconfident i i didn't realize that airlines don't value advertising on grown-ups
too focused i think i'd text you words to that effect when you said, I can't believe they weren't interested and I said,
yeah,
it's a really fucked up idea.
Yeah,
I think I'd lost,
I'd lost perspective.
Yeah.
Anyway,
so we've got this,
we've got this Kickstarter.
It's on,
you can link to it
through the Facebook page.
You guys still believe us though,
right?
Yeah.
You know we're doing
the right thing here,
right?
Yeah.
We just need a few dollars,
man.
Get back on our feet. That's all we're asking for, man. You know us. doing the right thing here, right? Yeah. We just need a few dollars, man. Get back on our feet.
That's all we're asking for, man.
You know us.
We're friends.
We're not crazy.
We went to grade school together.
It's me.
It's Steve.
Anyway, the other thing is that we recently did a crossover podcast
with some guys at Read It and Weep, in which we discussed.
It's called Read It and Weep.
We discussed grown-ups, too.
They're really fun guys, so you can find that somewhere as well and that's it i want to go for a walk
it's stinking hot is it hot well walk to the to water i don't want to go for a walk because it's
stinking hot it's not oh yeah that's what you're saying yeah yeah i feel like even a walk in the
sunshine would be less hot than this living room right now yeah it's disgusting
it's like we've locked
ourselves in a greenhouse
yeah we're on a real
anthill here
and there's a five year old
outside with a brand
spanking new
magnifying glass
there must be such a weird
concept if you're listening
in America
because it's winter there
it's like
winter
it's like winter man
it's like
the opposite of summer man
but we don't get snow here
there's snow over there
it's real cold, man.
Hey, and shout out to all my peeps in Nova Scotia while I'm here too.
You guys are dope.
Hey, big ups to Nova Scotia.
Big ups to the United Arab Emirates.
With someone?
Like there is a friend group because I think there's only one collection of people.
But it's reasonable numbers.
Someone's downloading in Dubai.
Sixth most downloaded country Or 5th most downloaded country
And we've got a lot of countries
On that list of that track
Thank you very much
United Arab Emirates
But who the fuck are you guys?
What's your story?
Can you please get in touch
If you're from UA
That was episode 47
We are at Basecamp
Repeat
We are at Basecamp
Here on the worst idea of all time
Join us next week
When we review
Grown Ups 2.
Grown Ups 2.
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