The Worst Idea Of All Time - Replay S01E51: Coyote
Episode Date: April 5, 2024Please enjoy this victory lap of Season One episodes as we celebrate 10 years of The Worst Idea of All Time. New episodes posting on our Substack.Original Description:Guy and Tim have taken their camp...er (thanks Jucy Rentals!) to Joshua National Park, California. It's late, it's isolated and the boys are getting a little freaky. In this episode, the movie appears to have taken a backseat to delightful stories ranging from childhood bike injuries to a very recent adult pant-crapping incident.We find out what happened to Patty's grandparents and hear some positive words about Braden's acting ability. We're having a WONDEFUL time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 51.
I remember recording this so vividly.
I remember the juicy camper van.
I remember being out in Joshua Tree.
I remember the drive out to get there.
It was, this is so cool.
This is like the most fun I think that we've had on the podcast ever,
that I can remember anyway.
I don't know if we bring it up afterwards but there was a a thing that happened when we were out on this trip in
Joshua Tree where in the morning up so you're about to hear two dudes I'm pretty sure on a lot
of mushrooms um if my memory is correct of us recording this in the next morning we got up quite early and went for a big walk and we went
up to the top of this rock and we could see like this really weirdly quick animal running around
on the ground and Joshua tree kind of kicking up a lot of dust and then it got closer and closer
and it came right up to us from miles away and it was a road runner it was so cool um but what you're about to
hear right now is two boys in the giggly throes of psilocybin and it's a great place to be um we're
in LA we're elated and yeah we're amped I reckon this is an all-timer actually another one the
rear the back end of this season and the
payoff for the journey guy and I were messaging about this other day he was like man just listen
to episode 50 in the Kmart it was it was good and it's such a good reward for the people who've like
been along for this season to get this real sense of journey at this stage and and like payoff and yeah it's a great vibe look it's a
great vibe in the juicy camper van there is a fantastic story to look forward to about Guy
Montgomery which you may have forgotten from the first time around or maybe this is your first time
hearing it um but either way this is a an absolute 10 out of 10 ep i hope you enjoy it um we had a
lot of fun recording it.
It was hard for you, wasn't it?
Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode 51, coming at you live from Joshua Tree, just outside of Los Angeles in California, America.
Yeah, we're in a national park now. What up? It's like an unspeakably beautiful night and we're inside a camper van.
Kindly provided.
How do you like that? No light?
This is a good idea.
Okay, cool. We're in pitch blackness now.
A camper van kindly provided to us by Juice from Juicy.
Hey, this episode of the podcast is proudly brought to you via us by means of Juicy.
Juicy Rentals.
Juicy Rentals.
And can I wax lyrical about this bitchin' ride for a second or two?
Yeah, tell me about it, bro.
It has tricked the fuck out.
There's two cookers in here there's one that's built into the van and one that you can take if you're if you're a camper
we haven't cooked anything from the van but i bought chili i've got a can of chili but it's
nice to have the option i'm gonna cook chili later um you're gonna love it you're gonna cook
it tonight or in the morning the doors are electric which was a real mind fuck like this
it's a panel van but i think this is automatic this is something we need to talk to dodge about The doors are electric, which was a real mindfuck. Like, they're sliding doors.
It's a panel van, but they're automatic doors.
This is something we need to talk to Dodge about rather than Juicy,
but I don't think you need electric closing doors.
Yeah, guys, you're overengineering.
You're overthinking it.
We can just close the van doors ourselves.
It's easy, bro.
I've done it so many times before unaided.
I've had a lot of practice.
I'm really good at it.
I actually kind of enjoy it.
What else do we rock in?
There's USB ports in the center console.
There's a solar panel on the roof.
There's also an apartment on the roof,
what we call a penthouse.
Well, we call it that because that's what it's called
because it's got a label on it called penthouse.
What it is is it's basically like this wind-up,
semi-rigid pop-up tent that you sleep in
and you can get to it. It's like it's on the
roof of the car. It's
fucking crazy guys. You gotta
get one of these juicies.
You gotta get one of these juicy windows.
Cause that dog gonna hunt. That dog ain't gonna
hunt. We at the hotel, we were staying
at the stand on the sunset
and there was this beautiful
waitress
who we named Deidre.
Deidre?
Sweet D.
We called her Sweet D.
I still to this day have no idea what her actual name is.
Anyway, she was from the south of America.
Yeah, and we were like, teachers are cool, southern saying.
And so she yelled at her co-worker who I think was,
was he from Louisiana?
No, he was from, yeah, he might have been.
Oklahoma.
Who knows?
I think he was from Oklahoma.
He looked like he was from Oklahoma., he might have been. Oklahoma. Who knows? I think he was from Oklahoma. He looked like he was from Oklahoma.
Real Oklahoma vibe on his face.
Like, without missing a beat, he just goes, that dog ain't going to hunt.
And I didn't even know what he said.
What he said is, that dog ain't going to hunt.
And then we spent the better part of the morning speaking in southern accents like this.
And saying that dog ain't going to hunt.
Oh, that dog ain't going to hunt.
You think that you're going to get out in the desert and record a podcast after watching
Grown Ups 2 for the 51st time in a juicy van?
That dog ain't going to hunt.
Well, guess what?
Wait, before I forget, we've got to mention our second sponsor of the episode.
That's right.
And that is Simon Orr.
And I am an Orr of Simon.
Yeah, thanks very much to Simon as well.
So here we are.
We're in the desert. We've just
watched Grown Ups 2 for the
51st time in our
lives. And we're in America for some reason
and none of this is making
any sense to me right now.
Yeah. You know?
The reason that we're here
is because we've watched Grown Ups 2
51 times.
Isn't it amazing that if you do something absolutely bafflingly stupid enough,
amazing things will happen and people will throw money at you to travel to another country.
Yeah, this episode's brought to you by the fans.
Thank you.
Yeah, anyone who contributed on our Indiegogo,
you're a bloody legend, as we say back home in New Zealand.
I've become so sensitive to my New Zealand accent since being here, dude.
Yeah? In what ways?
So we were at a party, folks, in Malibu last night,
and we were hanging out with a bunch of really cool teenagers.
But we're 27, and we're not used to being old yet because we're still in our mid-20s
but we were like oh no and then also it was real weird because we're new zealanders and both guy
and i have quite thick kiwi accents we were coming in pretty hot we were freaking out a lot of
freaking out a lot of teenagers at the party yeah Yeah. It was like the Kmart thing, but at a slightly different age range.
We're just worrying people in America.
That's what we say back home in New Zealand.
We say, if you're freaking out the sheep, you're worrying the sheep.
You've got to be like, no, no, no, don't make all that noise in your Jeep.
You will worry the sheep.
You'll worry the sheep.
We're worrying the Americans, bro.
Who cares about whether or not sheep are worried?
Sheep just want to eat grass and walk around with each other.
Yeah.
You can't worry a sheep.
Do you think they experience worry,
or is that just a construct we've attached to them?
Because we like to make everything about us.
I think you can startle a sheep.
I don't think you can worry a sheep.
I don't think a sheep can be worried about its life.
Imagine if you couldn't startle a sheep as well, though.
You cannot startle this sheep.
Are you a sheep?
You're an unstartlable sheep.
Yeah, I am a sheep and you cannot startle me.
Anyway.
I want to talk about one of two things.
One of them is either the movie or the other thing is a neat story about that party.
I really...
But I'm going to leave it up to you, Guy.
I really don't want to talk about the movie, bro. Oh, so you want to talk about the other thing is a neat story about that party. I really... But I'm going to leave it up to you, guy. I really don't want to talk about the movie, bro.
Oh, so you want to talk about the other thing?
What's the other thing, Tim?
I'm not going to do it because it's up to you.
Okay.
It's your call to come out of the closet.
I'm comfortable sharing this with the podcast.
It was a pretty funny thing happened to me this morning.
I'd went to sleep in the fantastic penthouse apartment on top of a juicy camper uh i woke up i was still a little out of it a little hazy from the night
before yeah and i um i was like oh i've got to go i got to do a wheeze so i i get up i'd like
somehow jump there's a ladder but we never later up i fell i heard it happen we didn't have a letter up. I fell. I heard it happen. I didn't see it, but I heard you at the gravel.
I fell from the top of our camper van onto the gravel driveway where we were staying.
And then I lay there for like a couple minutes because it hurt.
Then I got up, pulled down my pants and started urinating.
And then I was like, oh, I got to do a fart.
I'm going to do a fart now. And then I was like, oh, I got to do a fart. I'm going to do a fart now.
And then I shat myself.
I completely bloody shat myself.
Because I'm pretty sure I heard the moment,
like I heard a very wet fart
and I'm pretty sure I heard a noise
resembling like an uh-oh,
like a noise of regret, verbalized regret on your behalf,
like something has not gone terribly right.
I shat myself at a mansion in Malibu.
And then what I did is I said to Tim,
hey, Tim, because we were sharing our penthouse,
I said, I shat myself.
Can you give me something to cut?
Like I pretty much took off the underpants, threw them over the fence.
Tim gave me a towel kindly provided to us by Juicy.
Yeah, Juicy, I'd recommend you burn that towel if we don't do it first.
I wrapped the towel around my waist, put on a t-shirt, and walked through the house
past all these sleeping teenagers who had just been freaking out the night before.
They were climbing out, man.
They were good sleepers.
Went and cleaned myself up.
You know what my favourite bit
about the party was?
They were playing
Simon and Garfunkel's
Bridge Over Troubled Water
on repeat
about a hundred times in a row
at the maximum volume
on some very loud speakers.
And like there was
normal party music going on
in the normal party area
of the house.
But in this other wing
of the house
just blaring out Bridge Over Troubled Water again and again in the normal party area of the house. But in this other wing of the house,
just blearing out.
It's a very... Bridge over troubled water again and again and again.
It's a very unique thing that they were doing at the party.
That's fucking crazy.
So now that we've talked about that, Tim...
Now that that's off our chest...
Can we knuckle down and get to work, please?
We bloody should, because we're not here...
Can we roll our sleeves up?
Yeah.
Bloody put a belt on,
put on some steel cap boots.
And our big boy pants.
And go down to work.
Down in the mine.
Can we go down the mines and talk about Grown Ups 2?
Excuse me, elevator operator, I work here in the mine,
and I need you to take me down to the bloody depths of the 51st watch.
That's right.
Hey, so this is the second to last time we've watched Grown Ups 2.
Oh, interesting choice in tense there for that sentence.
I don't know.
You could have picked either, and I think it would have been somewhat correct and somewhat incorrect.
That's okay.
Tim, you asked me a question during the movie.
You said, am I going to miss watching Grown Ups 2?
Am I going to miss Grown Ups 2?
Will you?
No.
Will you miss me?
Probably not.
Like we live nearby.
Yeah, that's true.
We do stuff together.
We'll still be friends.
Like I cannot fucking wait
to stop watching this movie.
It'll be good, eh?
The movie was happening tonight
and I just could not
for the life of me
look at the screen.
I could not bring myself
to look at the tablet
and watch the movie.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure that's not usually
how the movie-going experience goes.
No, we usually knuckle down.
Well, what I'm saying is usually when you go to a movie,
Oh, I see.
you like to watch the movie.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure if we're not capable
of looking at the screen anymore
that the movie's having an adverse effect on us.
Well, yeah, but I mean, you're saying that in a way
like we're suggesting the movie is bad.
If you watch any movie 50 times, on the 51st,
you're probably going to avoid the screen.
I'm going to venture out on a limb here.
Now, you be careful.
Now, hold on, guy.
Stop for a second.
Think about what you're saying.
I want you to really watch yourself out there, buddy. I'm going to tell you. Hold on now, Guy. Stop for a second. Think about what you're saying. I want you to really watch yourself out there, buddy.
I'm going to tell you.
Hold on now, mister.
You can't stop me.
Because you're in a minefield.
I'm going to tell you what I think.
Oh, God.
I think Grown Ups 2 is not a very good movie.
Oh, Guy Montgomery, how dare you.
I think the fact that we've watched it 51 times is ridiculous.
Yeah.
Do you want to know what I think?
What do you think?
I think you're a real piece of shit, Montgomery.
I respect you, but I fucking hate you.
I respect you, but I do not like you one jot, not one iota, not one scintilla, not one atom of your being.
Scintilla?
There isn't a single atom of your being that I like.
I respect all the atoms which comprise you, Tim.
Yeah.
But I do not like you
i don't like what you're doing i don't like the way you carry yourself as a human being yeah
you're a real piece of tim bet you're a real piece of work okay yes i don't know like
what are you gonna miss watching grown-ups too it's certainly not certainly not some people have
asked that in earnest like uh like it's a serious question.
Like, you know, because you do it every week and isn't it part of your life?
Hey, guess what, guys?
Oh, that's a bad example.
I don't know how to pick an example without sounding hurtful to a particular set of people.
But it's like chemo.
It's like, I'm not going to miss chemo.
Yeah, but it's not chemo, is it?
Of course it isn't.
But I'm just saying.
But that's the example. I'm just saying but that's the example
I'm just saying
fuck there's a
beautiful night sky
out here
can we go outside
Tim
oh I would love
oh you mean now
yeah
oh fuck
I'll have to carry
the bits
the bits and the bobs
we'll do that after
yeah
we're gonna go for
such a good one
well we might as well
do some features
while we're here
while we've got ya
we've made up
these dumb games
that we play.
The first
one goes like this. P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p- Papa Dom's.
Patty Schwartz.
Party time.
It's Patty Schwartz party time.
With Patrick Shriver.
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
He's Patrick Schwarzenegger and he's with us in the desert.
He's driving the van really fast.
Patrick, watch out.
There's a coyote in front of us.
Patrick, you'll murdered a coyote in cold blood.
It's not called murdering when you're driving a camper van.
It's called vehicular manslaughter.
Well, whatever he did, he shot one of that coyote dead.
What did you enjoy about Patrick Schwarzenegger's performance
I enjoyed the
vengeful look in his
eye every time a
coyote was on screen
in the movie
cause to be fair
when a coyote
kills your grandma
you got bones to
pick
a lot of people
don't know this
about Patrick
Schwarzenegger
but both his
grandparents
both sides
both sets
both grandparents
on both sets
four total
grandparents were murdered.
In separate incidents.
By a vicious pack of coyotes.
It was the craziest thing.
It was the same coyotes.
Yeah.
But they...
They had a real vendetta.
The coyotes are big fans of divide and conquer.
So they managed to basically create situations, scenarios,
where they would get each one of Patty Schwartz's grandparents alone in a room
and then just fucking devoured them
while they were still alive. It's horrible to talk about.
Yeah, it was pretty gruesome. It's very insensitive
for us to bring it up now.
Anyway, he did really have a vengeful
look in his eyes in all those
scenes, didn't he? He was looking out for coyotes
to kill. My real Paddy Schwartz party time
is there's a wide shot which will last for about
I don't know, three quarters of a second
during the rendezvous
with the grown-ups
at the quarry
and it's when
he does the
like Taylor's doing
the wolf whistle
to summons
all of his brothers
from the frat
and Patty like
chucks his arms
up in the air
and his arms seem to go up
in time with
the guys coming
so like as the numbers
increase so do Patty's powers and that is displayed by Patty with his arms seem to go up in time with the guys coming. So as the numbers increase, so do Paddy's powers.
And that is displayed by Paddy with his arms going up.
Good work.
Good work, Patrick.
Good work, Tim.
Good work, Tim.
I was getting there, bro.
Just give me a second.
Good work, Patrick.
And yes, Tim, you too.
Good work, Tim.
Thanks, dude.
I didn't really have a Padty schwartz party time this week i
thought it'd be pretty funny if patrick schwarzenegger uh if he secretly went out and got
tattoos of our faces yep love it on both of his butt cheeks love it but obviously that would be
a funny thing that's probably not gonna happen that'd be funny if we did the reveal to patty
we we sent him a photo on twitter or something, being like, which will happen.
Yeah.
This was a few days away.
This is happening really soon.
We'd be like, hey, Paddy, guess what?
Your face is tattooed to us, both of us.
Full-grown men.
How do you think you'd, like, how would he feel about that?
No, but imagine if he tweeted back and he was like,
guess what, boys?
Already got you.
I got you covered.
He had a tramp stamp of us.
That'd be bitchin'.
That would be dope.
How do you think he's going to feel?
We're like reappropriating his face.
I'm just going to explain what happened there.
So we're in pitch blackness.
Turn the strobe on.
Yeah, so I've got a torch hanging up in the van.
And I just need to check periodically
we're not going to run out of batteries on the mic thing.
And the torch occasionally will click into strobe mode,
and Monty is a big fan of it.
I'm a big fan of the party.
Look at this, when I knock it,
when I hit it like that,
oh, now we're at a party beach.
Whenever we talk about Patrick Schwarzenegger,
there should be a strobe light going.
Oh, that's making me feel really ill.
I'm turning it off immediately. There we go. What waszenegger, there should be a strobe light going. Oh, that's making me feel really ill. I'm turning it off immediately.
There we go.
What was your shining light, bro?
Well, I tuned out of a lot of the movie, bro.
We basically just had a big chat while it was on.
Like, we were looking at it.
This feels like a...
Because the CineFamily event will be...
We're sharing it with the fans, but this feels more like a sort of a personal...
Oh, this is like a goodbye...
Retrospective. It's like a goodbye yeah i didn't even think about it in those terms yeah you got it i my voice is fucked up at the moment that's right
that was really that was in that movie
Step Brothers or whatever
Do you know I went to high school
Oh no sorry I went to intermediate school
Do you know I went to high school with Will Ferrell
I went to intermediate school with Hayley Westenra
And she sung that on like the last day of school
I didn't know that
Yeah I was in a musical with Hayley Westenra
There's a really interesting fact about you
Hayley Westenra for all of
People who don't know Our listeners who don't know who Hayley Westenra. There's a really interesting fact about you. Hayley Westenra, for all of our listeners who don't know who Hayley Westenra is,
she's a very successful New Zealand opera singer.
She's a national treasure.
They call it popera what she does.
Yeah, just because she's young, though.
She's singing opera.
It's a pretty easy thing to do, isn't it?
You just put a P in front of the word opera and suddenly it's a different word.
It's popera.
Popera.
It's funny the labels we all come up with, isn'tourri potpourri is a fun word yeah potpourri is a good smell
there's a lot to be said about potpourri though because that's another different it's got to be
the same thing potpourri i think you've just been i think you've just been mishearing potpourri oh
really i think potpourri is a dish. My suspicion is you've been missing...
What the fuck is that car doing out there, dude?
It's got its...
That's alright.
...headlights directly in on us.
No, it's just parking.
Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
Or going for a drive.
Do you know what I would do if I owned a vehicle?
Drive it.
Drive it where, though?
Dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun.
Roll up, roll up, roll up, roll up.
Roll up to the mystery tour and roll up.
It's an inspiration.
Roll up to the mystery tour and the Steve Boosie mystery tour is coming to take you away.
Coming to take you away.
Take you today.
Guy, what you might have noticed, or maybe not, is that I skipped a syllable in there
because one of our fans tweeted at me and said, why the fuck have you guys...
Oh, no, it was on the Facebook.
He goes, why have you never said the Steve Bussi mystery...
Steve Bussi mystery tour.
Yeah, like that.
Roll it into one and then you don't have to force an extra syllable into the Beatles song.
That's why it works.
And I don't think it works.
Just for clarity, Tim,
I don't think it works the way we do the theme song.
But I appreciate you getting in touch,
and we gave it a go.
And now we know on our second to last one.
Yeah.
No, I'm telling you in general,
I think the theme song's terrible.
Oh, I see the whole thing.
Yeah.
Oh.
I enjoy singing it with you.
Yeah.
Anyway, Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour.
Steve Buscemi has suffered an injury, as you all know.
Well, I took Paddy.
I think you should.
Yeah, yeah.
He's left with 40% feeling in his body and his arms are permanently in the touchdown position.
What could cause this very unique injury to...
Can you see that light out there?
Steve Buscemi. Yeah, I can see that light out there? Steve Buscemi.
Yeah, I can see that light out there.
What the fuck is that?
I don't know.
Is that a hiker?
That's really weird.
That's a weird light.
Because what we're looking at is the desert and a lot of rocks.
No one should be out there.
And far off in the distance is a torch.
A really bright light.
And it's moving kind of strangely, like not walking.
Someone's probably just going back to their car.
Yeah, I'd say so.
But it's kind of late to be out there.
I was in the middle of speculating about what caused Steve Buscemi to suffer from this very unique injury that he's suffering from.
I'm kind of freaking out about this bright light outside.
I wouldn't worry about the bright light.
Okay.
Oh my God, it just went out.
Are you looking at it?
It's changing color, dude.
Yeah, I'm looking at it.
It went red.
It's a white light and it went red briefly.
You're an idiot.
No, it did.
It's someone walking with a torch.
Okay, you're probably right.
Let's continue as planned.
It could be a UFO.
We are in America.
Yeah, boy.
If I was an alien,
I would definitely go to America
because you get the most press there.
That's why all the aliens
go to America.
We watched Independence Day
the other day.
That was a funny movie.
Yeah.
Anyway,
the Steepie Steepie Mystery Tour.
What caused Steepie Steepie
to have this very unique injury?
He was driving a scooter
down to Venice Beach
so he could have a beer
with his old friend.
Uh-huh.
A beer and a taco.
You're not listening to me.
You're just looking at this guy.
I am listening to you, but it's two people, and they're here.
They must be in that car that's behind us.
Absolutely.
Or they're park rangers coming to question what the fuck we're up to, in which case we're
in a bit of trouble, bro.
No, we're not.
No, they are going to a car.
We are fine.
Okay, we're good. Oh, they are going to that parked. We are fine. Okay, we're good.
Oh, they are going to that parked car behind us.
They're going to fuck off.
Now we're really alone, guy.
Occam's Razor, bro.
Now it's nice use of Occam's Razor, bro.
Thanks, bro.
You're totally right.
That was the correct application and conclusion.
Steve Buscemi is on his scooter going down to meet a friend for a beer and a taco
at Venice Beach.
Yeah.
He's driving the scooter
pretty quickly,
too quickly,
if you want my honest opinion
about it.
And he goes careening
in a comical fashion
right through a red light,
right through a volleyball game
on the beach.
He's arrived at the beach now,
right out into the
ocean just just blindly driving a scooter into the ocean the scooter stops obviously as as anything
that hits a body of water when it's in motion will do sure you know i was once riding my bikes
uh my bike back home from school with my friend john o'gould and he turned to me and he said
shout out to john and he turned to me and he said quick shout out to Jono and he turned to me
and he said
do you think I can ride
this bike across that pond
and there was like a full
is Jono Gould Jesus
and there was like
a full 30 metre pond
to our right
and I was like
no
and he's like
I'll bet you 10 bucks
I can
and
and turned his bike
and rode into the pond
and
and made it out
about 2 metres
before it just stopped
and he just shit jono
went top thing off his bike into the into the water jono's a fucking lawyer now dude that's
a concern he's not a bright lad it's a pretty stupid thing to do bad at physics good at law
anyway yeah stevie stevie pretty much did that and uh and a shark came and it didn't bite him
obviously but it just nudged him really like powerfully because the water is the shark's natural environment.
Nudged him powerfully.
Yeah, it was a powerful nudge.
That's a very interesting verb and adverb.
That was a very interesting injury.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not what you'd expect to happen.
Nah, dude.
A lot of traffic through this part of town.
Yeah, it's still not that late, even though it's really dark here in California
because it's winter.
It's quarter past nine,
so people will be doing their thing.
Shout out to...
Anyway, hey, thanks for the Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour.
Shark attack, but not in the way that you know it.
A powerful nudge.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then it was...
Whatever happens to him happens.
Yeah.
As a result of riding his scooter too fast and blindly through a red light on Venus.
Yeah, well, there wasn't a lot of sort of cohesion to the Steve Buscemi Mystery Tour this week,
but that's what you get.
Sometimes you open up the oven and the bread's not cooked.
You go, that dog ain't going, huh.
You shouldn't have put the dog in the oven.
Get the dog out of the oven. Do you reckon that's how hot dogs got oven. Get the dog out of the oven.
Do you reckon that's how hot dogs got invented?
Get the dog out of the oven.
My parents are coming over for dinner.
Someone put a dog in the oven accidentally.
No, dogs love weird spaces.
So do cats, right?
So a dog jumped in an oven.
Owner didn't realize the door shut behind him.
That's a hot dog.
He turns on the oven to preheat it to make a casserole.
If you turn on an oven, you're going to notice if there's an animal inside the oven.
No, man, not if your light's broken, which it was this time.
For the inventor of the hot dog.
Yeah.
Wow, we're covering a lot of ground tonight, Tim.
We're covering a lot of ground.
Far and wide.
That is our reach.
Far and wide.
You know, my shining light was the blue paint gag that happens to Principal Tardio at the school.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, the one where he gets dumped on him from above?
No, no, no, the footprints.
But just when the paint came out of the car.
They went to a lot of trouble for that gag.
That's a funny gag.
Yeah.
You know.
Okay, cool, man.
You've got to respect that.
Cool, man.
I dig it.
I feel like I'm running out of conversation about grown-ups, too.
Yeah, no, fair enough.
I'll give you my shining light.
Let me pick up that ball which you've so ably run with for the last few yards.
I've been running down the rugby field with a ball.
I thought you were an NFL man.
Trying to score.
Did you change coats?
Trying to score a try.
Good man.
What a good man.
So my shining light is that Brayden Higgins is secretly a fucking good actor, man.
Yeah, you were really loving Brayden Higgins during this watch.
I really enjoyed his performance.
You were yelling it.
You were shouting out about Brayden Higgins.
Oh, look, I was screaming it from the rooftops.
Brayden Higgins is a good-ass actor.
The people need to know about Brayden Higgins.
I'm going to tell everyone I meet in Hollywood to hire Brayden Higgins.
And they won't know who I'm talking about because it's not his name.
Of course they won't.
But he's in Hunger Games
and everyone tells me
he's great in there.
But he's a dick.
Do you know his name?
I mean his character
in Hunger Games is a dick.
Do I know his name?
Yeah.
No, dude.
No, I'd be saying it
if I knew it.
Neither do I.
As far as I know,
he's just a guy
called Brayden Higgins.
He's Brayden Higgins.
Yeah.
And he's a warlock.
I'm really scared
that the following
thing's gonna happen
okay
tell me what
tell me what you're
scared about
we're gonna end the podcast
and we're gonna go for
a wander in the desert
with a torch
because it's so attractive
that seems like
such a cool thing to do
and we're gonna
fucking die out there
that's obviously
what we're gonna do
we're not gonna die
I'm really good
with coyotes.
Okay.
And scorpions
and whatever other
things they have here.
Nah, I don't reckon
we'll run into any scorpions.
Well, it's hard to say.
Scorpions are only little.
You said you were going
to tuck your socks
into your pants.
Are you going to do that?
That's when I thought
it was a real threat.
What?
I'm not convinced it is.
Scorpions are a real threat.
Yeah, but we'll be
chucking a light around.
Won't they scurry?
No, they might be attracted to the light.
Nah, not scorpions.
They're fraidy cats.
What do you think would be a good...
Do you know if you pour alcohol on a scorpion, it will sting itself to death?
So if we, what, just go walking around with a bear?
Not bear.
Bear's not strong enough.
But if you have a spirit, if you've got something like whiskey or vodka,
and you pour it on a scorpion, it will kill itself by st stinging itself it goes crazy i didn't know that the more you know eh
it's a good fact we should have bought some vodka so that we could kill scorpions i'm not saying it's
kind of weird when you string it together but i didn't come out of the desert to kill scorpions
i came out of the desert to conquer grown-ups too well we did we did that. For sure. Guy, I feel like this is a good place to leave it.
I feel like if these were our last words before we go out into the desert for our untimely death,
I'm happy with the life I've led.
Yeah.
I'm sad for the people I'd be leaving behind, but they'll be okay.
They're all strong people.
I'd like to thank grown-ups too for bringing us to the desert.
Yeah.
I think that was a very good thing of grown-ups too to do, to Ups 2 for bringing us to the desert. Yeah. I think that was
a very good thing
of Grown Ups 2 to do.
Yeah.
To host us out here.
Thanks peeps.
You know,
it's a very expensive movie
that we've watched
a lot of times
and now we're going to go
for a walk in the desert.
Possibly die.
So thanks very much
for listening.
We're not going to die.
We might though.
We've got muesli bars.
Well that changes everything. We're definitely not going to die. We might, though. We've got muesli bars. Well, that changes everything.
We're definitely not going to die of malnutrition.
No, I'd never suggest...
Something's going to kill us.
Nothing's going to kill us.
What? Shit.
Uh-oh.
I think I broke the torch.
Oh, no, I did break the torch.
Damn it.
That's really a game changer.
You broke the cord it's attached to.
Bugger.
Anyway, we've been the worst idea of all time
And we'll catch it
Truly living up to our name
We'll catch it
Cinefamily
Or never
Yeah
As the case may be
Yeah
Thank you very much for listening
Yeah thank
Hey
Thank you for listening
Yeah
Sincerely like
What are you up to?
Uh
You can follow us on Facebook
Don't though
Don't watch the movie Don't follow us For the love't though don't watch the movie
don't follow us
for the love of god
don't watch the movie
don't listen to this podcast
just go about your business
pretend we're not
in the room
yeah just have a normal life
okay
alright we love you guys
buh bye Love every day. Cause before you know it, your precious time slips away.
Beautiful.
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