The Yak - Barstool's Newest Hire is Already Making More than Sas | The Yak 5-30-23
Episode Date: May 30, 2023Ever had a gooseberry?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hello, everyone.
Oh, here comes Roan.
Roany.
Congrats, Roan.
Your Celtics.
Oh, no.
Congrats.
Not congrats.
Your Celtics lost.
Basketball weekend for Roan.
I was so fucking heartbroken, dude.
That shit sucked so bad.
I wanted the Celtics so bad.
How many of your friends root for the Celtics?
And it sucks to see them.
My inner circle.
My inner circle roots for the Celtics.
You and Max together as a tag team.
I didn't even see him doing it, and I was already, we were just of the same brain.
He was doing it live in the gambling cave.
Was he?
Just being like, we got, like, Hank was like,
gotta make your free throws.
It's just deadpan.
It's like, it's been a problem all playoffs for us.
It's been brutal, dude.
Yeah.
Jalen Brown fucked us.
Can't dribble.
We're gonna have to trade him.
If it breaks my heart, we're gonna have to trade him.
Hopefully we can get Dame or something like that,
but we'll probably have to.
Kevin Herter, maybe?
Maybe Kevin, if you're lucky.
Yeah, like, who's even available right now?
Rui?
I guess we got Gallinari coming back next year,
so championship next year.
Oh.
We all really believe really hard
the Celtics can make a comeback.
Also, Max doing the...
I don't think I've ever seen it the full hashtag of a team name
was perfect boston celtics i don't know why it's maybe so stupid that i it made me laugh so hard
but god damn it wasn't funny it's genius i i look at this damn thought we had it always next year
hell yes i know that they were seething because that would have pissed me off.
Oh, yeah.
As a Philly fan.
People were calling you pathetic.
And, dude, and I am.
Yeah, right.
And I fucking am, dude.
Admit it.
I'm a loser, and the only thing that makes me a little bit happy is seeing someone else lose.
Isn't it liberating?
Misery loves company, and I got a fucking ton of it.
People always call me a loser for rooting against the Packers and Aaron Rodgers.
I'm like, yeah.
Guilty as charged.
You win the Super Bowl every year, though.
I've said it before.
Part of me, it would be nice.
I don't want the Bears to move, but if they just went off to San Diego and my entire fandom
was just rooting against the Packers. It'd make life easier.
Most of the time.
Watching people lose isn't as satisfying as winning.
Oh, it's so satisfying.
All I had at this point.
Because I couldn't really watch anyone lose except for me in the World Series or in the Super Bowl.
We were the last person to lose.
No, it's nice not being the last one there.
We had an extra couple weeks of draft prep.
Exactly.
It rules. Nick Nurse.
It's so sick to be in Philly.
And it sucks so bad.
Hey, wait. Who is that?
Who just said something?
Oh, is that the second
coolest Nick?
First of all,
Nicky Smokes is legend of all. Nicky Smokes is.
Legend.
I think he just jumped the Nicky's.
Okay.
He needs to take another Italian first name.
I think Tommy.
Who is Nicky Smokes?
Nicky Smokes is a guy, Dave Bedham.
He's a Heat fan from Miami.
And Dave Bedham, game seven.
If the Celtics win, he has to get a tattoo that says,
Dave was right with a shamrock on it.
And if the Heat win, he gets a job for a year at Barstool Sports.
$100,000 talent.
Yeah.
No, so he's the number one.
He's the hottest Nicky right now.
He's just a random guy or he has a thing?
He has a thing.
He's a Miami guy.
I don't think he has much more than just Miami.
We were talking about him in a group chat and sent the tweet,
like, you know, 100K guaranteed.
And then Sass just texted me off to the side,
and he asked me how to tie a slipknot.
Where he can buy a single bullet.
It was funny.
Nicky Smoke's been grinding my whole life for this.
You just made a bet.
Yeah, it's awesome, though.
He has been doing content.
Oh, so he does content.
He was the Dolphins fan that was talking shit on the way outside of the game.
Yeah, that's a rough idea.
Oh, wasn't he an asshole?
Yeah.
Then he redeemed himself in Buffalo.
Nicky Smokes might be coming to Chicago because Dave was like,
he's got a little Jersey Jerry in him, and I was like, say no more.
I'm in.
Yeah.
I like Nicky Smokes. He's my guy. Can I got a little Jersey Jerry in him. And I was like, no more. I'm in. Yeah. I like Nicky Smokes.
He's my guy.
Can I see a little sample?
Maybe the after game six.
That video made me chuckle.
After the Derek White game.
His podcast is called The Smoke Show.
Oh.
I'm all in.
That sounds great.
It does.
I kind of want to go down and see if I could just freehand film him
and see what kind of content gold we can make out of it
and just fold it in, Smoke Show in the Smoke Show.
And so I looked through his Twitter, and he's a bit of an inquisitive mind.
He needs a way to get these thoughts out.
What kind of inquisitions?
What day our show comes out on?
Wednesdays, Mondays, Tuesdays usually.
Fridays, travel day.
Can we call him up?
Yeah, we should call up Nicky Smokes.
Can you get that video of him eating soup after the loss?
That one made me chuckle.
Yes, that was very funny.
Soup is the funniest food.
He's eating ice soup.
Is he from Miami?
Yeah.
He's got a Miami manicured face.
Yeah.
Dolphins fan, too.
Yeah, he looks like he's actually always wearing the Facetune app.
He does.
Doesn't he?
Yeah.
He's got perma-Facetune.
All right, come on.
That's it. He's just eating Come on. That's it.
He's just eating the soup.
Crunch it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
I thought that was funny.
Nicky Smokes.
He's fired up.
He gets fired up, and now he's our co-worker.
That's right.
Tommy Smokes has to be on edge, though.
I would say Nick and Tommy both have to figure out.
We're on notice.
Yeah. I think there's only room for one to figure out. We're on notice. Yeah.
I think there's only room for one, so see ya.
I'm out.
Oh.
You had a good run.
You had a really good run.
A good run.
That would be funny if you had it in your contract.
You cannot hire any other Knicks.
And they did it.
A damn bet.
Damn it.
Yeah, good for him, though.
Maybe get a new name.
I'd do that.
Did you ever think of having a different name?
All the time.
Like what?
Christopher.
Ooh.
That does have a nice ring to it.
No, you gotta go better than that.
I like Christopher, yeah.
You look like a Christopher.
You keep Turrani?
Christopher.
Christopher.
Chris Turrani.
Chris Turrani.
We got a lot of Chris's, too.
Tony Turrani would be good.
What about Santino?
Santino Turranianey Santino is good
that sounds nice for
Sully's grandfather's
name Guido Guido Teraney
you don't look enough you
don't look Italian you
know enough Guido
Fasoli a legend I love
how strong
his genes are
that he's identical
to his grandfather
so strong
that
I only
I don't think
there was any sex
involved with the
creation of that
it was a copying machine
yeah
Xerox
he nutted on a Xerox
how's everyone's weekend
long weekend
four days off
restful
missed you guys
grilled a lot
I really missed you guys. Grilled a lot.
I really missed you guys.
Yeah?
What were you grilling, Brandon?
Oh, man.
I did burgers and dogs and sausages one day, and then I did a brisket overnight.
I smoked a brisket for 12 hours.
Wow. You've been buying nicer meat since you made $40,000.
Yeah, well, it was a good weekend.
Che believed that.
Mm-hmm.
Well, what's there not to believe?
He believed that he only
made $40,000.
Oh.
Why would I not believe that?
You guys all spoke it
like it was truth
and then it was not.
And you're a guy who...
Speak a lot of things
like they're truth
and they rarely are.
We need a word for that.
In your brain,
everything that's spoken
is truth.
Yeah, why are people lying?
That's...
Funny.
That's true.
He hears everything as truth. I murdered a homeless person on the way to work. Well, that, like, it's not... Fucked up. Yeah, why are people lying? That's funny. That's true. He hears everything as truth. I murdered
a homeless person on the way to work. Well, that, like,
it's not... Fucked up. Yeah, like, that's, like, homeless
people are an investigation, so yeah, I get that.
The dude posted, like, a savage murder video.
What? What? Yeah.
The dude was very horny this weekend.
What was he doing?
Just getting it in. He was?
I think so. I think he was getting it in. You know how
he does. With that mating dance.
Yeah.
Hey, Sass.
Up.
How's it going?
Good.
Did you clean your couch?
Clean my couch?
Oh, because of Roan?
Yeah.
No.
What did Roan do on your couch?
He spilled a glass of red wine.
Oh.
Wait, what?
It was just a powdered donut?
It was a single powdered donut.
Oh, wow. That's a real big mess
Well that's why I didn't clean it
But the
A powdered donut
It was a glass of red wine
That's the rumor that's going around
That I threw up baby food on your couch
Damn
Now
He pooped his pants on your couch
The powdered sugar
You can really just like
Beat it into
Whatever surface it is
You can really just smack
Wipe it
Wipe it into your clothes.
That's what we did.
That's the Tucker Max situation, right?
Yes.
Getting sucked off on the couch and you left a skid mark.
Yeah, in my period.
Brandon, people were hitting me up being like,
I can't believe you fucking snitched on Brandon.
You started this whole thing.
Obviously, it didn't happen.
Whether it happened or it didn't, you started this whole thing.
I guess.
Actually, I did not.
I can tell you who started it.
Somebody DMed you.
Find his account right now.
And you read it on the show.
Who you sold tickets to?
No, he just heard.
How did he hear?
I don't know.
He's got, you know, secondary sites and whatnot.
Had I known this was a thing and what they were going for,
I 100% would have tried.
What?
To flip this, buy them regular, standard through...
Oh, you're still on this is real.
Okay, got it.
People were coming up with conspiracies
that you used game time to get free tickets.
Yeah, people were trying to get me fired.
I think we said that.
Oh, we did?
Yeah, we said that.
He did.
That would be smart.
Use his game time budget and then flip him for free.
I mean, that would be a genius idea.
Absolutely genius.
Yeah.
Was it John Rich who said he had the opportunity to sell one for $20,000?
You have to sell that.
People in the replies were like, you know, it's worth the experience.
No chance.
Not even close.
Dude, the tickets dipped so much in the two hours before the show
that you could have sold it for $20K and gotten back in the building for like $1,500.
It's just like $20K, there's a lot of things.
Are you just, yeah, $20K?
$20K?
$20K?
What's the lowest you would sell it for?
If you're like a diehard Swifty.
Well, I wouldn't go below $10K.
That's just irresponsible.
The juice isn't worth a squeeze
at that point. The market, too. You know what I mean? You have to
beat the market. If you paid $2,000,
the lowest you would go is $10,000?
Probably. I would go $3,000.
You would just do it for...
You have no way at that point. After processing, you also don't care.
You're not a Swifty.
People are not broke anymore.
$1,000?
There's times when I would have done anything for $300.
Brandon, you owe me $140.
I know.
Pay up.
He took Tommy to the Pokemon card shop and bought him a box of Pokemon cards, so it was $140.
Chinatown?
Yeah, DaShop.
Shout out DaShop.
Where's it at?
Chinatown.
And he pulled some good cards out there.
Damn good cards.
Really? Yeah, we had a nice little afternoon good cards out there. Damn good cards. Really?
Yeah, we had a nice little afternoon.
He was tired.
He was tuckered out.
DJ went too?
Yeah.
Did you guys eat in Chinatown?
Yeah, we got some Japanese Jiggly Cake.
Ooh.
How was it?
Gotta smack it like an ass and then eat it as it jiggles.
Have you ever seen Japanese Jiggly Cake?
I've never seen the Japanese ass.
You've never seen Japanese ass?
It's pixelated.
I don't think I've seen it. But you've seen more man Japanese ass than women. Why've never seen the Japanese ass. You've never seen Japanese ass? It's pixelated. I don't think I've seen
But you've seen more
man Japanese ass
than women.
Why would you say
man Japanese ass?
Sumo.
Oh, in person.
In person.
No.
Does Shohei have a cake?
He's got a...
They pixelate the ass.
I don't think they
pixelate the ass.
They pixelate the cock.
That's for sure.
And the puss.
And the puss.
That's why their birth rates are down. Why wouldn't they pixelate the ass? There's like the cock. That's for sure. And the puss. And the puss. That's why their birth
rates are down.
Why wouldn't they
piss like the ass?
There's no sex ed.
Fuck.
We should get some
Japanese jiggly cake.
We should get some
kava is what we should
get.
Ooh.
Trying to mellow out
today.
That's something good
to relax with.
Trying to get crazy
today?
Yeah, by the way,
Joey and Pat, they
got, they're just like on the eve of birthday month.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they have that energy.
You can feel it.
Prideful energy.
They just know June is all about them.
I know.
Flags are up.
It's crazy to get a whole month.
For such a small portion of the population, getting a whole month?
Give them a week. Give them a week. Long weekend. Autism Getting a whole month Give them a week
Give them a week
Long weekend
Autism gets a whole month
Does it?
What?
That's nuts
What month?
What is it?
Is it April?
Who else has a month?
But the gays are the only people
Who actually get the month
They do
They do it right
I say they do
They do use every day of that month
Yes
What about Juneteenth though? Is that there? Oh yeah I thought about that They do it right. I would say they do use every day of that month.
What about Juneteenth, though?
Is that there?
Oh, yeah.
I thought about that.
Long weekend this year, Juneteenth.
Are you Googling that?
I know what it is.
Who else has a month?
Women have a month?
Like history month.
Women have a month?
Breast cancer has a month.
Women and breast cancer.
Prostate cancer has a month, right?
Prostate cancer has a month? I think last has a month. Women and breast cancer. Prostate cancer has a month, right? Prostate cancer has a month?
I think last month was Asian American Pacific Island or something. Right, yes, because I asked.
AAPI or something like that.
Oh, look at you, Steven.
When is the white man going to get a month?
This month.
That's every month.
I only know because Emma Lovewell had an Asian ride.
Huh?
What?
I didn't understand.
It's like a asian month and uh emma lovewell who's an
extremely attractive peloton instructor and his half asian had a ride for it yeah that was missing
a lot of context man that that viral peloton instructor was here last week kendall tool
yeah she was i looked her in the eyes and I didn't recognize her from
my TikToks.
What are the TikToks that she goes on?
She pops up frequently. You're a Peloton fan just from
TikToks? Yeah. She dances on her bike.
Yeah. I've never seen
Nick more rattled than
when she walked into the office. Nick?
I think so.
We're talking about Nicky Smokes, right?
Nicky Smokes would have had that.
She doesn't look like herself. This was before we taped the bracket, I think, like We're talking about Nikki Smokes, right? Nikki Smokes would have had that. She doesn't look like herself.
This was before we taped the bracket, I think, like a week ago.
Oh, I said, who is that?
Oh, my God.
Pervert.
You're not only a pervert, but you don't work out.
I don't work out.
There's walking Peloton.
I walk a lot.
Walking Peloton would be hilarious.
We should have meant that.
What about just Peloton for the couch?
Ooh.
They have non-bike things.
Play-a-ton.
No, they just have it like maybe a couple characters that are siblings
that are trying to take over their dad's company.
Peloton for the couch.
I think that's fair.
Is that succession?
Did you finish it? Yeah. I want to start it next week. I think that's fair. Is that succession? Did you finish it?
Yeah.
I want to start it next week.
I loved it.
Don't spoil it.
I was gasping.
You gasped?
I gasped.
You didn't gasp.
I gasped.
That's a little much.
What?
That's not a gasp.
That's a scream.
That was a silent scream.
That wasn't a gasp.
That was a gasp.
That was too loud to be a gasp.
100%.
A gasp is not loud. That's how I think I was doing it into a microphone. That wasn't a gasp. That was too loud to be a gasp. A gasp is not loud.
I was doing it into a microphone.
That wasn't a gasp.
From a distance, that would have been a gasp.
I don't think you know how to gasp.
He doesn't know what a gasp is.
Look at this.
That was just a shorter gasp.
Do yours then.
That's not what you did before.
That was a perfect gasp.
I don't think that was gasping.
It wasn't sharp enough.
You boys don't know what a gasp is.
I know what a gasp is.
I don't think that you should have gasped.
I gasped.
What moment?
Fucking Shiv, man.
Tell him, man.
I'm not going to spoil.
Yeah, true.
Let's just say Shiv.
Worst people on the internet?
Well, there's a combo.
One, the people who watch a show and then aren't watching it live,
and then they're on Twitter being like, hey, dude, spoilers.
Like, just don't go on Twitter.
Yeah, I just had Succession muted.
And then the other part is the people who think Succession characters are real-life people.
Oh, that's a big thing for all TV shows.
There was a third group.
I didn't watch the show.
I didn't comment on the show. There was a third group. I didn't watch the show. I didn't comment on the show.
There was a third group Sunday night as the Succession fans were talking about it on Twitter.
They were saying, slow your roll.
This is not a very good show.
Oh, yeah, that's cons.
Cons and Jeff Nadu were doing that.
Yeah, that was.
That group was bad, too.
They just had to dip their toe in to be like, hey, guys, I have an opinion.
Here it is.
I saw a tweet.
It was like, some woman was like, if you're a white male, you cannot talk about Shiv.
Yeah.
Well, it's a TV show.
Dude, that's what they did for Skylar in Breaking Bad.
There were like 30 tweet threads being like, Skylar's actually the normal person in this show.
Yeah.
And it's misogynistic and everyone hates her.
Yeah.
It's like, no, dude, they hate her because the writing is made that you hate her.
Right.
It's a show.
It's not supposed to be.
If you're rooting for Skylar in that show, you have something wrong with your brain.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how, yeah, Succession, they're like, there's like a, because now the four
U, you get into the algorithm.
Yeah.
There was Shiv, what's the actor's name?
Sarah something?
Sarah, like, is it Snook's name? Sarah something? Sarah,
is it Snook?
Yeah,
or something like that.
It was like a fan account that was like,
if you don't agree
with what Shiv do,
just remember,
that's not a real person.
You can't be sending hate
to her,
like online.
Were people actually doing that?
I mean,
sending hate to the actress?
Yeah,
to the actress!
There's no way people do that.
People do that all the time.
People hate the actors
who play the characters? I love it. I love it. I kind of like that. People do that all the time. People hate the actors who play the characters.
I love it.
I love it.
Everyone's retired from acting.
Yeah, it's hard for some of those people to recover in their career
because then they're always viewed as the bad guy in the acting world.
Which is so dumb because they did a good job.
Yeah, that means they're incredible actors and actresses.
Yeah.
Or a dickhead.
Or they're just an asshole when it comes easy to
them yeah true but still that's like you can dissociate even if you could just be like oh
yeah it's just my character that they think is a dickhead like you there's almost there's like
loopholes where you could you should be able to enjoy that i don't know maybe not i agree there's
heels i mean people play the asshole here at barstool roan do you ever get does that that's
in the script sure they boo like gaston at the fucking Beauty and the Beast musical, you know?
Gaston must be loving it.
You see the scriptwriters today?
Yeah, they were going off.
Taking Frank's soda away?
He's a genius, but he needed a...
He's been silent for the weekend.
Yeah.
He's like the energy guy off the bench.
Just gets the ball rolling.
That picture of the units at Stu's house.
I was thinking about that.
Look at this.
I didn't even notice Doug's at first.
I didn't either.
I was thinking how funny would it be if Doug was awake for this picture.
It's just great too because Stu's dad, God bless him,
I think is not doing great health-wise.
He's older.
He's the most alive here.
Far and away.
He looks badass.
Yeah.
He looks cool.
Looks like an old rapping.
I think that's cool, too.
That was a Jenks original.
Doug looks like he's growing out of that chair.
Jenks spent his Memorial Day with the units and Stu's dad.
What a day.
Stu's house is very fun.
Seems like there's a lot of stuff.
Well, he's a little bit of a hoarder.
That's okay.
The boys were tuckered out.
That's what they did.
They were just playing all day.
It's hard to get out there.
What do you think they were doing, swimming?
Maybe.
I think they were just watching the ball game.
Oh, they were swimming.
They were swimming.
They were debating.
Take a break from the swim.
It's got to be like One foot deep after that
Eating
Oh wow
Like a bitch maybe
Is that another
Angler
Yeah
It's the same room
Frank turned around
And took that
Look at that
I think Doug's
Is getting raptured
Symmetrical
It's nice
I like that he put
His hat on Yeah put his hat on.
Put his hat on his heart.
Just in case an anthem played while he was asleep.
Okay, ready?
Are we going to eat tomorrow?
Yes.
What time are we doing that?
1230.
Oh, yeah.
We don't have to say the time
You said the time fuck
Oops
Uh yeah tomorrow's yak is gonna be Kate and Frank on a date live in the studio
Summer interns also start tomorrow
Ooh
They said we're not allowed to get our hands on them until Thursday or Friday
Is that true?
Yeah
Well that's perfect.
He said they're going to be really busy.
Doing what?
Are we listening to Roan give them speeches?
I know.
I give so many speeches, it's insane.
Why are you the speech guy?
I don't know.
They just fucking call me in to give speeches.
They don't even say what to give a speech on,
but I'm always just talking to rooms of people.
Can you give a speech on a 30-second notice?
I think I could.
I think it's just like this. I want one right now.
Do it a lot. About what?
Abortion.
Yeah.
Abortion. I got you. I can save you.
Alright. Just tag in.
Gooseberries when you need me.
What was that?
What's a gooseberry?
Just let me know when you need me.
Say gooseberry when you need to bail out.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
There comes a time in every girl's life where she needs an abortion.
Okay?
All right?
Okay.
And you got me.
You already got me.
I'm already hooked.
Oh, yeah?
Go on.
Maybe it's today. Maybe it's today.
Maybe it's tomorrow.
But you're going to need one at some point in your life.
And maybe it's me.
And maybe it's Gooseberries.
Have you ever tried Gooseberries, any of you?
Trader Joe's. You have Gooseberries?
He's got Gooseberries.
You son of a bitch.
These are so tangy and delicious.
Maybe too tangy, but let's all try one.
Is it a berry or is it a tomato?
Gooseberry.
It's a fruit.
It's no tomato.
How did we not see this coming?
You gooseberried us.
Wow, it's sticky on the outside.
Some of you are going to hate it.
Some are going to love it.
I already can tell I'm probably going to hate it.
Yeah, it's slimy.
That one's touched too many hands. Kyle, throw me mine. Yeah, I know. I probably going to hate it. Yeah, it's slimy. That one's touched too many hands.
Kyle, throw me mine.
Yeah, I know.
I don't like that either.
Yeah, my bad.
Full palm of this.
Oh, what the fuck?
Why is it so sticky?
Are these cummed on?
It's no prank.
It's no prank.
They're very good.
They're a little too tangy.
Did you buy the cummed on ones?
Come on.
Oh, it's going now?
Yeah.
What do you guys think?
It's ass?
Is that everybody? Oh, no. They're bad? No. No. It's great. What, it's going now? Yeah. What do you guys think? It's ass? Is that everybody?
Oh, no.
They're bad?
No.
No.
It's a grape.
What does it taste like?
It's tangy.
Very tangy.
It's a tangy grape.
It's like a mix between a grape and a tomato.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
It's not good.
I think it's fine.
It's okay.
I liked it a lot.
You like them?
One bite swallow.
Yes.
I got the initial taste and I swallowed that shit.
Swallowed it whole?
That was terrible.
You didn't like it?
I couldn't tell.
It's not bad.
It's not horrible.
You guys are making the program, the people who watch it, seem like this is some prank.
No, no, no.
I think it's a pretty good fruit.
You just gave us an unripe tomato.
Okay.
Yeah, it burst quick.
Yeah.
I thought it was closer to a grape than a tomato.
Really?
It was the aftertaste
of getting a lot of grape.
What about an apple
aftertaste?
A left brain,
right brain thing?
Yeah,
nanny laurel.
What an interesting
food that was.
You think it's modified
to like not real?
I've never heard of it.
The flavor keeps going.
It keeps on turning
into something else.
Is it modified?
I think it's real.
What are those grapes
that taste like apples?
Why would it be real? It tastes like grapes. I assume it's real. Isn't it? What are those grapes that taste like apples? Why would it be real?
It's like grapes.
I assume it's that.
Grapples?
Grapples?
Oh, are you saying
real like...
I don't know if these
are scientifically modified
or real.
They're probably not real fruits.
There's a lot of GMO on it, right?
Damn good.
Whole Foods isn't going to have
a lot of modified fruits,
are they?
Fair to say.
I will say
I could totally see
a goose liking that. What?'t they? Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's. I will say I could totally see a goose liking that.
What?
Like a goose would absolutely eat that up.
Yeah.
Because gooses are fucking assholes.
They like that tang.
All those big birds are assholes.
I don't know much about them.
Swans are dickheads.
They attack people.
Swans dickheads?
Swans are majestic.
You can't kill a swan, right?
Ostriches are mean.
Emus, brutal.
Every bird over a penguin is an asshole.
What is it?
Every swan in the world is an asshole. What is it? Every swan
in the world is owned by the king of England?
There is some stupid shit
like that.
I've seen swans.
Maybe every swan in England?
Birds are ruthless, too.
They'll just come and snatch your babies up.
Birds are dickheads.
What about pelicans?
They bring the babies.
Biggest assholes.
No, that's a stork.
No, ostriches are definitely the worst.
Ostriches can kill people.
Yeah.
What's the one?
Is it capybara?
No, whatnot.
It's an astro... No, there's a...
You know, we have someone who could do this for us.
Cassowary is the meanest bird.
The ones that swoop down at you in Australia
while you're riding a bike?
No.
They're almost like an emu, but they're...
Let's call Tommy.
I was going to say, Tommy's watching this being like,
God damn it, Dad.
Shut the fuck up.
I think I got it right.
I think it's cast away.
What are the birds in The Birds?
Crows.
Those are birds.
Yeah, I think so.
Those are nasty birds.
What's your favorite band that has a bird in it?
Would that be Hard to Beat?
Iron Crows?
Eagles, wouldn't it?
I like the Black Crows one.
It counted crows. Yeah, Black Crows one. The Counting Crows.
Yeah.
Black Crows.
Eagles.
Walk of Seagulls.
Oh, Walk of
Seagulls are good.
You say Walk of
Seagulls?
Falcons.
The Atlanta
Falcons.
The Atlanta
Falcons.
The Band of
Brothers.
I don't know.
What else?
I ran so far
away.
There we go.
That's the
Atlanta Falcons. Good song. That's the Atlanta song.
That's Kyle Pitts.
Hi.
That woman's writing an article about us.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Just be nervous.
I better be in it.
Well, you'll be in it, brother.
I don't think you want to be in this one.
You'll be in it, brother.
All publicity is good publicity.
She's not here anymore.
That's true.
She's moving on to better things, though.
She's crushing it out, no way.
Have you seen her apartment?
It's massive.
Huge.
Well, she said that she left and she got like a 5 million percent raise, didn't she?
She's making a trillion dollars a year.
Yeah.
It's not bad.
She's making so much money living in New York.
It's implicitly.
Quite expensive. Paying for the experience.
Paying for the whole city.
I don't know.
Can you even afford your apartment still, bro?
Yeah, why? Because you just said
that you had a bunch of taxes that you owe.
Oh, no. Shit, yeah.
I gotta pay that still.
Until October. How old are you again?
22.
Yeah, you don't have to pay him.
Don't worry about him.
Sit on him for a little bit.
Wait until he's 28.
Yeah.
I went to the Central Park Zoo this weekend.
That zoo sucks.
I like it.
You went to Central Park?
None of them were fucking open.
None of the animals were awake.
It was crowded as fuck.
It wasn't that crowded.
Central Park is the best, though.
Yeah, I know, but the zoo.
I found a spot in the woods.
Nick, you saw it.
That was the most basic spot in the woods I've ever seen.
It's New York.
You can't come across a spot in the woods too often.
How thick were the woods?
Pretty thick.
I got one last smoke sesh, and then I cold turkey weed, and I'm very cranky.
I like it.
This all happened in the last four days?
Yeah.
You sound sharp.
Did you replace weed with four days? Yeah. You sound sharp. Is there ever an overlap?
Gooseberries?
Did you replace weed with gooseberries?
Yeah.
No, I just...
All right, give me another one.
They're good.
Give me another one.
Boys in the booth, you want to...
Oh, you would love one.
You would love a gooseberry.
I would love a gooseberry.
You just went goofy off the weed all weekend, and then you just...
No, that was Saturday, and then Sunday, or Saturday night, I started it.
And then... Horrible. I got my whoopie. That was a holiday weekend? Sunday, or Saturday night I started it. And then...
Horrible.
That was a holiday weekend?
When did you cold turkey?
Saturday night.
When did you start?
When I start chronically smoking weed?
Yeah.
Saturday morning?
What?
Oh.
Oh, so this is...
I've been doing it every day before bed.
Got it.
Yeah.
Some more gooseberries for the boys?
That instantly gave me diarrhea. The gooseberries for the boys? That instantly
gave me diarrhea. The gooseberries.
My stomach is screaming right now.
Birds do shit a lot.
That's a small amount of food. You look up
gooseberries?
I want to know if they're real
or not.
The golden berries, aka
cape gooseberries.
That sounds real. Cape? That's very real. Gooseberry. Man, a.k.a. Cape gooseberries. That sounds real.
Cape?
That's very real.
Gooseberry.
Man, look at that.
That's not the same. That looks like a melon.
Yeah, that's just a grape.
Reading yellow gooseberries.
Those are grapes.
Mm-hmm.
That one looks awesome.
I want a green one.
I want you to have a green one.
There's ours right there.
Do you goose? These are Peruvian.
Do you eat them?
These are ground cherries.
Can you eat yellow gooseberries?
So funny.
Do not.
You have to cook them or something first.
Yeah, tomato cross the tangy notes.
I definitely wasn't getting vanilla or strawberry.
No.
Huh.
We just make that shit up anyway.
Somalias, they're lying.
Oh, you'll probably taste some grass in this.
The aftertaste is great, though.
I love it.
Like split on a salad or something like that.
It should be good on a kebab.
Oh, now you're talking.
Yeah, but with some chicken and a pepper.
And some steak.
Is that all the thoughts on the gooseberry?
They kind of remind me of cherry tomatoes.
Yeah.
Not so fruity, more tomato-y.
Oh.
I do not like cherry tomatoes. I. Yeah. Not so fruity, more tomato-y. Oh. Huh.
Huh.
I do not like cherry tomatoes.
I love cherry tomatoes.
I love a gooseberry.
They're a little too juicy.
I already love a gooseberry.
I think I love it.
I usually just throw down cherry tomatoes, like the raspberries, just pop, pop, pop,
pop.
How often do you throw down raspberries?
I throw down raspberries all the time.
Yeah.
Raspberries are great.
Oh, okay.
Every time I go to the grocery store, I get raspberries. Raspberries are the best. I eat so much fruit now that I have kids. There's fruit All the time. Raspberries are great. Oh, okay. Raspberries are the best.
I eat so much fruit now
that I have kids.
There's fruit all the time.
Do your kids like fruit?
They love it.
I had cantaloupe this weekend.
Blueberries?
Mmm.
Blueberries are fucking awesome.
Blueberries are great.
Did y'all see that
Kate was on her bullshit again?
What happened?
She was on,
she had a video this weekend.
Oh, all my friends died in the war.
Oh.
They're all dead.
Did that shit again.
Yeah.
That actually happened?
Once a year she does this shit.
Yeah.
Well, it's easy likes.
It's true.
It's easy clicking.
Billy said the same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, he did.
Did you play Call of Duty this weekend, Sass?
No.
Oh, what?
He abstained
to observe.
I'm sorry for your losses
in that game.
It's alright,
honey.
It's tough.
Yeah.
I try not to talk about it
too much.
Yeah.
You can open up,
man.
It's okay.
We know this is a safe
space for you to talk about.
It's a whole can of worms
you don't want to open.
I just,
I was doing CBT.
We ended up,
schedule got messed up,
but Roan, Chaps is singing your praises
Saying you were a gentleman and a scholar
Roan was at a big combat veteran dinner
A gala
What was the percentage of vets to non-vets?
I think it was
Everybody was vets
I think almost everybody was vets
Did you give a speech?
I was ready to
I had one in the tuck.
Chaps say anything else?
Thank anyone else?
Only Roan.
Hmm.
That was only Roan.
Wait, you, I mean, he did get donations from pretty much everyone in here.
Everyone here, yeah.
$1,000.
I donated a lot.
How much did you guys donate?
$100.
$1,000.
Six units?
Six units?
Oh, damn.
How much did he ask you for? Oh, he didn't ask. I just gave. damn. How much did he ask you for?
Oh, he didn't ask.
I just gave.
Okay.
How much did you give?
I don't want to get into it.
300.
I tried doing the anonymous GoFundMe and it sucked.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
That shouldn't be a feature.
That's not a donation.
If that's a feature, it pressures you into choosing that.
It was horrible.
No one wants to go anonymous.
You want them to read that name.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The thing was at the Harvard Club, though.
Ooh.
Sounds fancy.
I've never been to an Ivy League club before.
Have you ever been to one?
No.
No.
I feel like they have fundraisers and shit like that at these Harvard.
Hey, you didn't go?
Was it very fancy?
No.
Did you get a date or what?
I didn't.
I was in South Carolina.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How was that?
It rained the entire...
It was the only chunk of the country that was covered in a nor'easter the entire time.
That sucks.
A house full of small children in 40 mile an hour winds.
55 degrees.
Were you on the beach or at the beach?
You had a house on the bay.
Yeah.
You were on the coast of South Carolina?
Yes.
I saw a map, a picture of a map that was tweeted with a circle around the bay. Yeah. You were on the coast of South Carolina? Yes. I saw a map,
a picture of a map
that was tweeted
with a circle around
the South Carolina coast
and said,
guess what plant?
Its origins are there
and it should only be there,
but it's bread.
Bread?
Bread?
Spread.
What plant?
You're saying.
Oh, spread.
Roses.
Venus flytrap.
Whoa.
I would have guessed
that would have said
the Amazon River. I did not know that was American. Wow. Roses. Venus flytrap. Whoa. I would have guessed that. I would have said exotic.
I did not know that was American.
Wow.
Very interesting.
What are those?
How far has it spread?
Is it all over the world now?
I don't know.
I don't know if I've ever even seen one.
I think you hear more about it than you really ever see it.
Can we watch one in action just to see kind of the majesty of the-
They're slow as hell.
Yeah, they are.
It's kind of embarrassing. Flies are stupid, though.
Flies are dumb.
I feel like every botanical garden tries to have them,
but then all the little kids keep jamming their fingers in them,
and then they die.
Do they eat themselves?
Well, whenever they close,
I think they fill up with that acid to kill the fly.
And if there's nothing in there, they...
But also, don't flies have, like, fast vision?
So if you move slowly, it looks like you're not moving or something like that?
Something like that.
That's a Venus flytrap?
Look at him.
That's American?
I guess so.
That sucker's stuck.
See any of those down there, Kate?
I don't like that.
Oh, I did.
I could get out of that so easily.
Get into that?
No chance.
Oh, get out.
How are you going to get out of that?
Yeah!
All right. Push it open.
You let everybody else escape before you.
Everybody get out!
I only have so much time.
Like Spider-Man stopping the train.
Is that what you were doing?
Yeah.
I can't stop thinking about it since we had Castellani on last week what you were doing? Yeah. Yeah. I can't stop thinking about it
since we had Castellani
on last week.
Spider-Man?
Yeah.
Didn't we talk about that?
Did we talk about that
with Castellani?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think we did.
We must have.
We must have.
That's a Chris
that you'd have to compete with
if you switch your name
to Christopher.
Yeah, I think I gotta just be Albert. He's not here anymore you'd have to compete with if you switch your name to Christopher. Yeah, I think I've got to just be Albert.
He's not here anymore, so he's definitely not doing any goddamn work, wherever he is.
Have fun with that one, buddy.
Yeah, I'm not going to get in on that.
I ain't touching that.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Oh, thank you.
I watched that 14 Peaks documentary.
Oh, yeah?
And he, yeah, that guy is.
Isn't he awesome?
Hims?
Hims, yeah.
But it kind of just glossed over every mountain.
It's like he started and then he's at the summit.
Yeah.
Didn't really show what he endured.
Because how are they going to film it?
Dude, I got so pumped that I downloaded Duolingo and started learning Spanish.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
You got a hell of a weekend.
Quit weed and you started learning Spanish
from that spot in the woods.
I've always been too intimidated.
It seemed too intimidatingly hard
to learn a different language.
I thought you were going to go mountain climbing
in Peru or some shit.
No, never that.
Weird thing is if he can do all 17 peaks,
I can learn a little Spanish. What are you learning Spanish for? The Lusinas in Lancaster? Let. No, never that. Weird things like if he can do all 17 peaks, I can learn a little Spanish.
What are you learning Spanish for?
The Lusinas in Lancaster?
To see if I can.
Not even to speak it.
I just want to know it
a little bit.
Best way to know it, though,
is you got to practice it.
Show it.
Like the profesora.
What are albaño?
I don't even know those yet.
Then I go to the bathroom.
Yeah.
My wife breaks it out every now and then.
It's impressive every time.
She has what, like five languages?
Four.
Jesus Christ.
What languages?
Japanese, French, English, Spanish.
Favorite poly god on YouTube died.
Lu Xiao.
What?
Yeah, rest in peace.
Xiao Ma got penis roasted in China or something?
Penis roasted?
What's that mean?
He went to like a nudist thing and got his dick roasted.
What's a polyglot?
Like it made fun of.
Oh, made fun.
So it didn't get cooked.
No.
Yeah, cooked like
made fun of.
That was like a fetish.
Your dick is small.
Got it?
Yeah, something like that.
A penis roast.
It's really,
you roast the ones you love.
Yeah.
The penises you've loved
We could do a penis roast
No jokes about anything of their personality
It's just penis roast
It's almost more embarrassing to admit you have a decent sized dick
No one ever does it
Does anyone here want to admit it?
If I had one, I would say it
I think if I had a big dick, I'd be like, yeah, I got a big dick.
Steve definitely has a fucking...
No one ever says it.
Steve's got a dick like a Mobius strip.
It's just got one side.
Me?
Yeah, it's like a Mobius strip.
Show us how big your dick is.
If you trace along his dick, you never pick up your finger.
It's the MC Escher stairwell.
Yes, erect.
He has an uncomprehensible dick.
Actually, show us it growing.
Yeah, set your phone to time lapse.
Get that fragrance from Jerry.
You ever see one of those dinosaurs that you put in water,
and then it just gets like a sponge?
Yeah, it turns into a sponge.
It's kind of like that.
That's what your dick is like?
Probably like a brontosaurus.
I want you to take pictures of it every three seconds,
and I want a graphic that's like the evolution of man.
Flipbook.
Can we sell a Boner Che flipbook?
Like a Nickelodeon, like a venue you go to
just to see a growing penis?
I don't know. I don't know.
Spitballing, I don't know.
Oh no, this is good.
No bad ideas.
I want to see my boy's dick.
Yeah, my underwear
is uncomfortable.
Oh no, fix it.
Because of this big
throbbing cock in there.
I feel like that's a common...
It's because I have no...
I got to do laundry today.
Oh.
You guys ever get fast boners? Like laundry today. Oh. You guys ever get
fast boners?
Like, bam.
No.
You're rocked up.
No.
Not anymore.
Kid, yeah.
You still get them?
Once in a while.
Randomly?
Not randomly, brother.
No.
The older you get,
the more you can control them.
Mine's almost like
a remote control penis now. Like a garage door opener. Without the batteries. Yeah. Did you get one the more you can control them. Mine's almost like a remote control penis now. Like a garage
door opener. Without the batteries.
Did you get one right now?
No, probably not.
I have to let it know ahead of time.
I don't care about any
penises at all, just to clarify.
What's the fastest?
It's okay.
What's the fastest?
Say, gun to your head.
Guns to my head is going to take a lot longer.
Guns to my head, it's going to be faster.
If you really tried, like, how fast can a boner boner?
With no visual help?
Yeah, like, off the top of your head.
If you had to right now, say, like, someone walked in here and was like,
I'll give 10 grand to whoever can pop a boner quickest.
How fast can you get? Two minutes?
No, no, no.
If you don't get it within the first minute, you're not getting a boner.
There's no way around minute 10 you're going to be like,
all right, now I'm going to get a boner.
Which I don't know.
I think I would fuck up.
That's how you just went to fourth.
Would you have a worse one?
You've got to lower your heart rate
be really comfortable almost
it would have to be
within the first 30 seconds
that she would have to
start getting
she would have to
start moving
and if it's not
if you're like
I'd say even like
45 seconds in
if you're not getting anything
it's not happening
okay
don't say that about yourself
Sash
I feel like you could
you know
you could say relax
I'm saying that for anyone
if we have an audience of people watching,
if you're not getting it,
it's not like around...
You're not going to randomly...
It's not randomly...
That's how I am with my shy bladder.
If I go into piss and I'm not pissing instantly,
I know I'm not pissing.
Okay.
Scout's honor.
I think the real answer to Kate's question
is like 15, 20 seconds,
if it's like a faster one.
All right, 15 right now, so...
No, not like in an untimed...
20.
If you're in the... Yeah. There's got to be someone, though.
That's their trick,
that they can do it immediately.
That's got to be a thing out there.
And it's Reynolds.
Jerry.
Yeah, Jerry.
Oh.
Right, fragrance.
Jerry Fragg can get hard off
the right scent.
Everything okay?
He's doing it. Ew, big cat. Gross? He's doing it.
Ew, big cat.
Gross.
He's doing it.
What the fuck?
It's working fast.
What in the fuck?
Ew.
Are you fully there?
49.13.
What the hell? Buy Roback today. Are you fully there? 49.13.
What the hell?
Buy Roback today.
That moved like a man penis.
Oh, there's nothing in there.
Oh, no.
Did it go up your piss hole? Like a man penis.
What was it?
Oh, my Lord.
It moved like a man penis.
How did you move it?
Oh, I had my real hard cock right behind it.
His hard cock lifted the paper.
That was nuts.
It was dick.
Yeah, it was technically dick.
You touched your gooseberry.
Threw it away.
He gave me two gooseberries.
Everybody else had one.
No, I had two.
What's the benefit of a gooseberry?
It wasn't supposed to be a challenge.
No.
Gooseberry challenge.
I thought you guys would like them.
I did like them. I did like them.
I was like, oh, I never heard of this fruit, and it's pretty good.
Went in the trash can.
Right here.
Pretty good shot.
All right.
I think like a arugula salad with some gooseberries, some goat cheese.
Anytime you try any food, you always dream of ways to put it in a salad.
Not anytime, but I think that particularly would go good with a salad. I think it was
such a break. I think it's too tart for a salad.
That's why you have arugula, which is
really going to be nice and bitter.
It'll cut it. Goat cheese will give it
a nice creaminess, maybe some nuts.
Balsamic.
Hard to cut a gooseberry.
TJ, did you
show Creeper Che yet?
That was pretty accurate.
I watched this TikTok video this morning.
Oh, yeah.
That was about a man who's been creeping on this really popular hiking trail.
And this guy's in his car describing, like, I went to hike.
And afterwards, this guy was lurking at the bottom of the trail.
I get in my car to watch him.
And he starts filming these women.
And this guy talks for, like, a minute and a half.
And I watch the whole thing.
And when he finally reveals who the creeper is at the end.
It's Che.
It's Stephen Che.
It looks exactly like me.
It does.
Yeah.
You do that with your legs, I feel like, when you walk.
Yeah, I do, yeah.
Yeah, you straighten them.
The only thing that's different is my backpack
is a different color.
That is.
You keep saying that, dude.
Like you can't possibly have two backpacks.
Hey, that is literally you.
It's so you.
Can we see the full video?
Full video.
Hair cut from head to toe.
It's you.
That's why my dog dropped.
You forgot about the backpack.
Yeah, I don't have those shoes in my backpack.
It's a dead giveaway.
It doesn't have the thing you could take off easy.
And most people have a different one for hiking.
I have two backpacks.
I just bought a second backpack this week. For what? I got two backpacks. I have two backpacks. I just bought a second backpack this week.
For what?
I got two backpacks.
I have two backpacks.
You got a work backpack and a leisure backpack.
I probably have three or four backpacks.
Backpacks are the best thing in the world.
You got to get a cooler backpack.
Cooler backpack.
You got to have multiple backpacks.
Steven, what?
You're a dad, too?
You got to have a kid backpack?
Yeah.
Well, like a diaper bag, but not like a practical backpack for myself.
At least two, possibly three backpacks.
Say you come to work with your laptop
and everything, your work stuff. You go home
and you're going hiking. You just take your work stuff out
and put everything... I don't go hiking nearly
enough to do that.
I got a hiking backpack. You're going anywhere.
You have a hiking backpack?
No, I just have one backpack. It's pretty cool.
It's a cool backpack. Jay, you always buy
Nikes though. I do.
I have a lot of Nikes. And that guy was
wearing Nikes. Was he?
Yeah.
Maybe it's like a Tyler Durden situation
where you don't know that you were doing
that at night or you're sleepwalking or something.
You don't know that you're creeping on
a hiking trail. Check your camera roll.
Are you having sex with Helena Bonham Carter?
I don't know.
I would.
You are. You are.
Absolutely would.
No, absolutely not.
Why?
To respect Tim Burton.
It's not my scene.
Because she's dark.
Pull her up.
I'll pull her up.
Absolutely.
She's a great actress.
Like, don't you ever go to...
I'm getting her...
Wait, I might be getting her...
What did Tim Burton come in?
She's married to Tim Burton.
That's her hubby.
Seriously?
And he's in...
She's in a bunch of his movies, too.
His house just got weird shit in it.
I don't think I watched Tim Burton.
Oh, never mind.
I was confusing her with the girl from The Shining.
What?
I think she's a fox.
Yeah.
No, I was...
Yeah, take back everything I said.
So, you pull her up in Fight Club.
Are you fucking Helena Bonham Carter?
Yes.
That's pretty big.
Who's the girl from The Shining?
Shelley Duvall.
That's sick, man.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Like, not even a question
Brad Pitt was fucking her
I know
anyone who says no
Edward Norton was fucking her
so be it
he's the Hulk
Brad Pitt was actually fucking her though
laying it down
I don't trust him though. Laying it down.
I don't trust him.
Hey, that's you, dude.
What is going on?
Jay, that's your face.
What was he doing?
He was at the bottom of a trail.
That wasn't a still image?
No, but I watched this whole video and then when it got to the reveal of who the creep wasn't a still image? No But I watched this whole video
And then when it got to the reveal
Of who the creeper was
My jaw dropped out
Wait but that guy
Who made the video
Like
It's clear what he's doing
He's creeping on the creeper
He's got his shirt off
Looks hot
Chains
Tattoos
And was like
Hey ladies
Is this guy bothering you?
That's true
I'm hopping my car
And all the comments were like
Are you single?
Yeah right
All the comments love this guy.
Top comment was men who look out for women.
Yeah.
We love men who look out for women.
We know what you're doing, dude.
Captain Save-A-Ho.
It's fucking crazy.
I ain't falling for it.
I'm going with the Che lookalike.
Yeah.
He'll treat you nice.
True.
He'll eat dinner with you every night as you're tamed up in his basement.
What do you mean?
How do you creep on someone?
What is he doing?
I guess he was lurking at the bottom of the trail, and he would act casual when we would walk by.
And as soon as they started going up the trail, he'd get out his phone and start recording.
That's pretty creepy.
Yoga pant butt.
What do you do with those videos, Steven?
I don't have those.
I will admit it looks a lot like me.
Public citizens, I mean, you are allowed to film it in public.
You don't even need to give a reason.
Oh, you sound like one of those fucking...
I've been watching so much of the audit guys.
Those guys, they're the worst and the best.
They show up to the police station and they're like,
what, I'm allowed to be here?
It's public property, right?
Am I being asked to leave?
Am I being detained?
Off on that.
I love it.
It's good energy.
It's going to be bad for you if you touch me.
Yeah.
I have a new guy on TikTok.
He's Maxie Miller.
He just stands at the end of this tunnel and scares kids.
Ooh.
Is that?
He's a creepy looking guy.
Oh, no. May XI? Oh, yeah. You go down that. kids. He's a creepy looking guy.
May XI.
There's this tunnel people walk through and he just screams and chases them.
I love that. That's awesome.
He's the best. That's what I'm into right now.
Frightening people.
Oh my god.
He only says one thing.
I hate this.
One more. He stands at the end of this tunnel and that one. He only says one thing. I hate this. No, no. Go. One more.
He stands at the end of this tunnel and just waits for kids to go through.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
He doesn't have to scream at all.
That would be the scariest.
Right.
Oh, they're like actual little kids.
These little kids go through here and then he steps in and films 100 million.
Oh, my God.
And chases them.
That is so scary. Oh, he's the best. best pre-tiktok that guy would have no purpose what a great rebrand for a guy always in this tunnel that's his the only thing he could have
ever have done this dude found his calling. Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
That is horrifying.
You got to get him on a tour.
A tunnel tour.
That would scar me for life.
Dude, I don't know.
Especially in one of those type of tunnels, which you already are scared to be in.
How the hell are they in that tunnel?
I don't know.
See if there's something scary.
He says the same thing every time.
What's he say? Oh,
I can't look.
That's a Roan?
Yeah,
that's a Roan.
Oh my God.
Dude,
I might start doing that.
That is nuts.
Yeah.
Is that illegal?
I don't know. I don't think that can be illegal? I don't know
I don't feel like that
I can't
I don't think that can be legal
I don't think he lives
He doesn't live in the United States
Oh okay
Well then it's definitely legal
Seth I don't want to tattle on you
But you used mortifying wrong
What did I say?
I said that's mortifying
You said mortifying?
You sure you didn't say horrifying?
I said mortifying
What is mortifying?
Does that mean what?
You'd be mortified Why would I I don't think I said mortifying You need to make sure You were right in what he said What if he say horrifying? What is mortifying? Does that mean what? You'd be mortified.
I don't think I said mortifying.
You need to make sure you were right in what he said.
What if you said horrifying?
I think I said horrifying.
That would be weird if I said mortifying.
If you did say mortifying, now you're making it worse.
If I did say mortifying.
I'll apologize to you if you said horrifying.
Okay, I'll apologize to you.
If you said mortifying?
I'll say I am mortified by my mistake.
You can't say that would be mortifying?
If not in that context. Okay.
I wrote a blog once like in 2013
and I thought it was mortifying and I thought
that would work. It clowned me so hard.
I know what mortifying is. Bro, you don't know what that means.
I was like, I don't. I still, right before
I fall asleep, I think about when I was on the yak
and there was that girl that you thought was being captive
and I said I would be
hilarious and I meant I would be hilarious,
and I meant to say hysterical.
Fucked up big time.
Oh, you said that?
Yeah.
I know.
Brutal.
Hilaria means something, right?
I was wrong.
It means you're married to Alec Baldwin.
Yeah.
What do you say, TJ?
Trying to find it.
I really hope that I'm not right.
I don't want to be right.
Go on with that. I don't think you are right.
I don't think I would say that.
I don't want to be.
I said I didn't want to be right.
Especially because I think I say the word mortifying a lot.
Like in what context?
Like in the context that it's supposed to be used in.
Good point.
I already used an example.
If I said mortifying in the wrong way, I would be mortified.
That's embarrassing, and I feel shame about that.
Sounds like you don't know what mortifying means.
Yeah, this might be you projecting a little bit.
I already explained that I did this before, and it sucked.
It was nine years ago. Yeah, it might be you projecting a little bit. I already explained that I did this before, and it sucked. It was nine years ago.
Yeah, it sticks with you.
Fucking Nick said that he's thinking about something hilarious.
Had your back.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I'll always have your back, Nick.
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
That guy's so freaky.
Yeah, that's nuts.
I was watching every single one, and I laugh every time.
It's hilarious. it's all the same
it's his hair too
his teeth and his eyes
he's got the face
you could never do that
right
you gotta get him
like a multi-cam set up
yeah
I need to see
different angles
like the guy
who loves those trains
who has like
the camera that goes
up and over
I had one issue with it
when it showed
the scene
when it showed
the other camera
of the kids
actually running out of the tunnel,
those kids didn't look like they were
actually scared for their life. They looked like they were running
because they were told to run.
Oh, no.
They looked staged running out of the tunnel.
Yeah, it's probably fake.
No way.
And it wasn't in the tunnel. It was when they showed
the side of the tunnel and then trickling out.
It looked like they were running for...
Isn't that in some ways a little bit scarier, getting kids to do the video with you?
Ooh, good point.
That's a little bit...
No, no, no.
Shame on me for finding enjoyment in something that's fake.
You should be mortified.
Did you see Jimmy Uso kick Roman Reigns twice?
Yeah.
That was crazy.
That was incredible.
He kicked him twice. Superkick Roman Reigns, head Yeah. That was crazy. That was incredible. Kicked him twice.
Superkick Roman Reigns, head of the table.
I know.
What's this mean?
Happened in Saudi Arabia over the weekend.
MJF had a big match, too.
MJF had a great match.
Do you know him?
I do, yeah.
Good guy?
Text him.
I said, great match.
What did he say?
Shut up, poor?
Thumbs up the tweet oh i'm going to do a uh i'm trying to do a full-time podcast with him i have the logo and everything
no way i'll go to bat for you thank you that really no you won't because you
you didn't do a fucking thing oh i went to bat for you hey now i went to bat for you i absolutely
completely different projects one has you and one has me.
Four years at this company, that's the one time I think Dave was just flat out wrong.
It was just really stupid.
He should... I did go to bat.
I know you did.
I know you did.
Erica did too.
I did too.
Yeah.
At the same time you got the Pat Bev podcast, I was getting an MJF podcast and Dave wouldn't
pay for it.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm in the kind of Nick class of things where it's just you get money thrown at you.
Everything's a yes.
That's always the green light.
Roan tries really hard to get a no.
He can't do it.
I can't.
I'll just chef up the shittiest ideas.
You pitch some dog shit.
Mail for money at it.
I'm out.
Me and Kyle are out the rest of the week
for a project we pitched with Clemmer.
No, but it's fucking awesome.
I'm very excited.
Documentary that we've
been prepping for months and months.
It's really fucking good.
We talked about it on an episode, I think.
Clemmer's first job.
We've got a lot of things in the works.
It's going to take the entirety of summer.
Monkey Boy.
It starts tomorrow.
Monkey Boy got attacked.
Have you met him yet then, or you're going to?
We know where he is.
We know where he is.
We've got him.
We're going to him.
We're not going to him yet.
We're going to Nashua tomorrow.
Where's World?
Where's Nashua?
New Hampshire.
So you are out tomorrow?
No, well, after Le Bernardin.
I wouldn't miss that for the world.
Rome?
I have 25 firefighters and their family coming in.
What time?
I'd like to see them.
What do we have to wear to this?
Because I don't really own nice clothes.
Nice clothes.
Chase sent the business casual, no shorts,
sneakers, T-shirts, short-sleeve shirts.
No hats.
Sweatpants, sweatshirts, flip-flops.
Do these count as, these are sneakers. Sneakers, t-shirts, short-sleeved shirts. No hats. Sweatpants, sweatshirts, flip-flops.
Do these count as... These are sneakers.
Those are sneakers.
I don't have any nice shoes, then.
Those would be sneakers.
You're going to need to buy some nice shoes.
I'm going to have to go shopping.
I have to buy a shirt, yeah.
Fuck.
Wow, that sounds like a terrible trip.
Yeah, you're lucky.
I hate that.
Hey, are you excited for your hot dog date?
Yes, I am, quite honestly.
TJ, you're coming with hot dog date? Yes, I am, quite honestly. But TJ, we're going to put...
Oh, TJ, you're coming with us, right?
Yeah.
So we're going to put like a table out in the middle?
We have a whole...
Okay, great.
We're meeting with Corey after the show.
I love it.
I'm going to get a fucking three-piece suit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What, are you matching?
Yeah.
What the hell is that?
Did you say horrifying or mortifying?
I can't go on with my life until we find this out.
I said horrifying.
I obviously said horrifying.
Holy shit.
That is horrifying.
You got to get him on a tour.
Oh, you said mortifying.
That was horrifying.
There was a T in there.
That was a T.
There was a T in there.
You said hortical.
You said it's horrifying.
You got to get him horrifying.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
T in there.
Holy shit. That is horrifying. You got, hold on, hold on. T in there. Holy shit.
That is horrifying.
Horrifying.
Oh, this is tough.
I plainly said horrifying.
What the hell?
Okay, maybe I said horrifying.
All right, let's do it.
Horrifying will be worse.
I did not.
There's no horrifying.
Can you put it on slower speed?
Everyone be quiet.
Horrifying is when you see something.
Holy shit.
That is horrifying.
You got to get them on a...
Still don't know.
You hear a D?
I mean an M? There's no M.
There's no M, but there's a T.
Holy shit.
That is mortifying.
Alright, I'm sorry.
No, there's definitely a T in there.
I'm sorry. Brandon, you're fucking insane
if you think I said mortifying.
Do you accept my apology?
All I'm saying is there's a T in there. You don't accept his, though.
I don't think you said an M.
No, I think if you're listening to that and you think I said mortifying, you've said...
It is kind of a Yanni Yanni thing.
Laurel Yanni.
Yeah, Laurel Yanni.
I'm the only one that hears the T.
If you go in thinking mortifying, you can hear it.
What was the...
I keep on saying it, but what was the McDonald's tweet?
It said green needle or what, TJ?
That one's crazy.
Brainstorm or green needle.
It was a bentain storm. It was brainstorm. It was green needle or what, TJ? That one's crazy. Brainstorm or green needle.
It was a bentang storm.
It was brainstorm.
It was green needle.
How is it the same?
Also, these people might not be coming in until 4.
Let's go.
Sounds like you're going to eat.
I want to see them, so I'll come back with you.
What time are we going to the barnyard? We shouldn't say, but you should have time.
So where are we going? Oh, so if we're at the breakfast
shift.
That'll be the real millionaire bus boys.
Steven was very
upset that we might have to cancel.
Even though I told him, I don't know, like five
times that I'd pay for the reservation.
Wait, why would you have to cancel?
Because there was a time when I couldn't come in.
And he's like, it's $1,000.
And I was like, I'll pay for it.
He's like, but I put it on my card.
I was like, but I'll pay for it.
Yeah.
He also thought it was a bit for way too long.
I did, yeah.
I was like, I literally would have handed you $1,000 cash.
But he paid for it.
But he found his card.
He appreciates that money.
And I said that to him.
And he's like, well, can I do it on the company card?
I was like, I'm telling you that I'll reimburse you.
Yes.
We're good.
No hats?
No hats.
That was, remember, we-
Yeah, but I wish I wanted to wear one of those hats.
I know.
We went, and we're like, is it okay that we're in these hats?
He's like, we want you guys to be as comfortable as possible.
It's your experience.
But yeah, no hats.
We're like, what?
That's verbatim what he said.
It was such a- It sounded like we were about to get hats. It was like, what? That's verbatim what he said.
It sounded like we were about to get hats.
It was the nicest way to be let down.
The nicest.
I'm going with like a Kings of Comedy suit.
Nice.
I'll get a baggy one too.
Baggy ass suit.
Should I try to break my own record or should I enjoy the meal?
No, don't enjoy the meal. You already have the record, man.
You don't have to break the record.
I have the record.
You enjoyed the meal last time and you broke the record.
Yeah, I'm probably going to go for the record.
You should ask if anyone has been since then and has made a comment to the waitstaff.
Of course I will.
Of course.
I might go next door to the spy store and get myself a spy suit.
Yeah.
That would be cool.
I don't know what would make it a spy suit.
It would have to have... I want you to go to the big and tall store. Yeah. That would be cool. I don't know what would make it a spy suit. I want you to
go to the big and tall store. Yeah.
Get like something off the rack. Nathan Fiedler
shirt or suit.
Yeah, you would rock that.
Yeah, so they cut
the talking heads. I can't picture you
in a super fitted tight suit.
I have one at home.
It would almost be funny.
It would be really funny.
It would be funnier almost.
I'm not going to buy
the most expensive wine this time.
Because there's too many people.
Too many people
and also I already did that.
Wine by the glass.
We'll go wine by the glass.
Can we just get beer?
Do they have Bud Light?
Whoa.
All right.
Okay.
Virtue signaling watch. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Virtue signaling watch.
I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
Scene with you.
Or Coors.
There you go.
So any damn Bud Light at the George Strait concert.
You see that?
No.
Ridge fool.
I was at a bar.
Hold on.
I want to hear your story.
But do you see that guy tweet being like, do you see Chick-fil-A hired a VP of inclusion?
Do we have to stop eating Chick-fil-A?
Like the frenzy of protests is getting out of control.
Nuts.
Just like what you like.
You don't have any today, do you, Brandon?
I'm probably going to eat five guys today, but we'll see.
We'll take it day by day.
I await my orders.
You go down the protest route, there's literally nothing you can consume. No. No. We'll see. We'll take it day by day. I await my orders.
If you go down the protest route, there's literally nothing you can consume.
No.
No.
There's a problem with everything.
No, to be a successful company, you have to do something wrong.
I just saw this big influencer couple.
They had their wedding registry at Target, and we've decided to not have it there anymore because of the pride collection. And they've moved their registry to Amazon.
I was like, do you know what they sell on Amazon?
Right, right.
You can buy some honking butt plugs over there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the thing.
If you go deep enough into any of these massive corporations, no matter what side you're on, there's always going to be something wrong.
You go to buy a fucking Barstool Sports store for father's day and you're like but mincy
yeah exactly yep brutal yeah there's chicks in the office
it's all in line that's the part you say about the bar oh i was at a bar uh like a dive bar in
new york and when i walked in it said uh if you like America, you'll like this bar.
I was like,
alright,
I fucking love America
so I better love this bar.
But they had no Bud Lights.
Did you get some beers?
Yeah,
I went to a bar by myself.
Wait,
what happened with the beers?
What do you mean
what happened?
Oh,
that one.
Oh,
that was a different bar.
You had some real foamy boys.
I had some foamy,
foamy boys.
I ordered a,
I was at a bar.
Send that picture. I was at a bar, foamy boys. I ordered a bar. Send that picture.
I was at a bar.
I tweeted it.
I was at a bar with some of my friends,
and I noticed they had Big Deal on draft.
And I said, I'll take five of the Big Deals,
and then this is how they came out.
You can show the picture.
You're trying to be a company man.
I was.
I was trying to be a company man. I was. I was trying to be a company man.
The best part.
Damn.
Did they say anything when they put those in front of you?
No, they were like, we can't get this.
The tap's fucked.
Best head in the business.
You went to a bar by yourself? When?
I had one beer. That's nice.
I've always wanted to be a bar by myself guy.
Thursday night? I love that. You don't do that on the road?
No, I usually am a
jerk off in my hotel room by myself
kind of. First thing you gotta do when you get there. Yeah, you do that
first and then you go to the bar by yourself. No, I just
kind of lay in the bed. You go to eat by yourself?
No, room service. I love
going to eat by myself on the road. Oh yeah.
Bar by yourself, yeah. Going to a bar
by yourself is really nice.
Especially, I don't go, I'm not there slamming back beers. I had one beer and. Going to a bar by yourself is really... It's really nice. Especially... I mean, I don't go...
Like, I'm not there, like, slamming back beers.
I had, like, one beer and then left.
Doing everything by yourself is better.
Yes.
Yeah.
Movies are better.
Restaurants are better.
I feel like a creep in movies.
I can't do it.
I can't.
No one is...
No one cares.
You don't look like me.
Oh, I absolutely care.
If you see someone alone...
If I saw Nick, I would give him a wedgie.
Yep.
Yeah.
Just to check for firearms.
Even if you didn't know him, you were just wedging him.
Yeah, just be like, hey, well, who's this guy by himself?
Check for an AR around his waist.
Yeah.
Brandon, I enjoyed you replying to almost everyone that disagreed with your movie takes yesterday.
Well, I thought your movie take was a little severe.
Yeah, it's quite severe.
You just said Air is the most overrated sports movie of all time movie take was a little severe. Yeah, it's quite severe. You just said it airs the most overrated
sports movie of all time. It airs a good
movie. Also just most overrated
of all time?
I mean, it was getting 100%, 99% on
Rotten Tomatoes. I think now it's down to 92.
A very good movie. It's under-talked about,
under-appreciated. Yeah. I've heard
nothing but good things about that movie.
Hour and 40 Minutes just flies by.
What didn't you like about it? They didn't show Michael? No, I didn't things about that movie. Hour and 40 Minutes just flies by. It's all the actors. What didn't you like about it?
They didn't show Michael?
No, I didn't care about that.
What didn't you like about it?
It was way too focused on just the story.
There was no romantic interest.
Way too focused on the story.
What are you talking about?
Too focused on just the story.
You wanted...
I mean, there was just that.
There was no romantic interest.
What was the character development there?
Were you just supposed to care about Sonny, who is just a single dude?
Supposed to care about this man who's driven to accomplish this thing.
And he does.
Was there ever a doubt?
I know we know the ending, but Converse and Adidas were never really built up as real threats.
It's like, all right, well, we're going to offer them the same money.
They were.
They were built up as real threats.
What?
Yes, they were.
They were a much bigger deal back then.
You don't see them for 90 seconds each, if that?
No.
You see them.
When?
The very first scene when they're going over their options.
The very first scene when they got the board up in front of them,
and they're going over their options and say,
we can't get that guy.
Converse is going to get him.
You saw them.
You saw Nike and Adidas.
Yeah, they showed me.
They talked about it.
Did you watch the movie?
Yeah, they showed them meeting with the people. The only time you'll see them is when. No, but they talked about it. Did you watch the movie? Yeah, they showed them meeting with the people.
The only time you'll see them is when-
No, but they-
We're not talking about that.
The very first scene of the movie, when they're sitting there, when they're looking at the
draft board, they're saying, who can we afford?
Yes.
And they mark out the top five because Converse is going to get those guys.
But when do you see Converse?
Oh, my gosh.
You just want it to be draft day.
You don't see them until you're meeting with them
Why do you need them to be ransacking Nike headquarters?
It was pretty apparent that they were the underdogs
Yeah, certainly
And again, I enjoyed the movie
But the fact that it's getting 100% must-see
It doesn't sound like you did enjoy the movie
You wanted a love interest
Where was the sex?
Where was the sex scene?
I was expecting a Jerry Maguire type movie.
That's your biggest problem is that you're like, it wasn't good.
It wasn't like Jerry Maguire or Remember the Titans.
Those are the cheesiest movies ever.
These conversations with the other agent were some of the best scenes.
Yeah.
Funny.
You want it to be cheesy.
David Falk, yes.
Why were you expecting that?
Because everyone was like, can't miss movie.
They told us it was a movie about signing Michael Jordan to Nike, and they delivered us a movie about signing Michael Jordan.
Correct.
Correct.
Very well acted.
I will say that's correct, but that was it.
The most emotional part of the movie is Jason Bateman talking about his daughter.
You never meet Jason Bateman's ex-wife.
That's it.
I think Michael's mom is an emotional center of the movie.
She's protective of him, and she's taking care of business.
I'm so confused.
You want more sing-alongs?
Are you sad?
Why do you need...
It sounds like you were just looking for a reason.
I didn't feel anything.
Do you think in their actual trying to sign Michael Jordan,
there was moments of sadness?
Do you think that happened in real life?
I mean, they could build that and they could dramatize it.
It's Hollywood, dude.
I see what you're saying, but that's what I don't like.
You want it to be cheesy.
You like saying Remember the Titans.
That's the cheesiest movie ever.
Right.
Remember the Titans is an incredible.
It's corny as fuck.
And so is Jerry Maguire.
Jerry Maguire is corny as fuck.
The word corny gets thrown around because it's so cliche but it's good
so is air air was just it was fine do you air is a better movie than remember the titans you have
a quote that the mark of a good movie is do you think about it the next yeah i thought about it
what'd you think about i i went and read the story more hey i started watch i i started the rewatch
immediately what i went and got my wife said hey Hey, I started the rewatch immediately.
What?
I went and got my wife and said,
hey, you should sit down and watch this with me.
I just watched it and it's very good.
Was she pissed at you?
No, she liked it.
Jay, I'll help you out.
Yeah, I don't know if it's rewatchable, and I think it's hard to make a story
that we know every detail of to be too stimulating.
Right.
I mean, it was, hey.
I thought it was great.
They tried to sign this guy out.
I think it's just because they knew the ending.
No, no, because there are other movies
like Titanic was a lot better than this.
This was a story
they wanted to sign Michael Jordan.
One is about 2,000 people dying.
They wanted to sign
Michael Jordan. They did. End of the movie.
There's no real threat that they're ever going to
not get him. You don't see Adidas and
Converse enough to be really
actually worried.
Under that premise, you can't make a movie about any historical event.
They're manifest about David Falk and the way he's an asshole to them.
What is Chris Tucker's real – why was Chris Tucker late to the meeting?
What does that have anything to do with the storyline?
They don't dive into that at all, and Chris Tucker is one of my favorite actors.
Why was he late? Why was he late?
Why was he late?
No spoilers, bro.
We're getting into the heavy spoilers.
Steven, it also sounds like you did think about it a lot.
I understand.
He was late.
I was pissed.
He was putting the personal connection to the Jordans.
Wasn't he supposed to be?
He walked in and started being charming, and it loosened them up immediately.
Yeah, but even they were like, where's H?
Why is he not here, Howard?
What do you give it out of 10?
That builds tension.
It builds a little bit of tension.
7-1?
It was fine.
That's good.
7-1's a good movie.
I said it was a fine movie,
but the fact that it's being hyped up
as this can't-miss awesome movie
is crazy.
I don't know who said that.
It was 99% and 100%
on Rotten Tomatoes for several weeks.
Same with Tetris.
I don't know.
I think you're overvaluing that.
I haven't seen the Tetris movie.
Is there a love interest in it?
No.
Is there a love interest in Social Network?
Yes.
Mark Zuckerberg was obsessed with Justin Timberlake.
Oh, and that girl, too.
Yeah.
I watched Get Him to the Greek last night,
and that movie would have been so much better
without the girlfriend arc of him, like, cheating.
I watched Dallas Buyers Club.
Yeah, great movie.
Way better without the AIDS.
Oh, my God, yeah.
It was all about the AIDS.
It's just, like, AIDS the entire time.
You just, like, see where it's going to go.
Right, you knew AIDS was bad.
And you know the ending of AIDS. Yeah, right. Yes, that was still a great movie. You just like see where it's going to go. Right. You knew AIDS was bad. And you know the ending
of AIDS. Yeah. Right.
You need a twist like Titanic had.
They made it. So you guys all really
liked the movie. I
enjoyed it. I thought it was good. Very good use of
40 minutes. Yes. Hour 52
but yeah. Alice in Black was phenomenal.
I'd never seen it before.
Seen Blackberry yet?
No, but.
Oh, no.
That's what I was
talking about.
Blackberry, not
Tetris.
It's still in
theaters, right?
I want to wait till
I don't know if
it's a 99%.
No, no.
It was excellent.
It was excellent.
I took my kids to
Guardian 3 and it
was long as fuck.
It's two hours and
40 minutes.
They like that shit?
Two hours and 40
minutes?
Long as two
minutes.
Guardians of the Galaxy? It's way too long to watch a movie. Give me a 90 minute movie. It's good, and 40 minutes They like that shit? Two hours and 40 minutes? Long as two Guardians of the Galaxy?
Way too long to watch a movie
Give me a 90 minute movie
It's good but it's weird
Two hours is just the perfect amount in my opinion
If you're not on Edible
I don't know how you could enjoy something like that
That's what I'm saying
I don't know what the fuck
I mean we put on a two hour show every day
Yeah
Yeah I assume people are on Edible
Yeah I guess you're right
We're all on Edibles right?
Yeah
Except for KB.
KB's straight road now.
Where are you guys going to go to get your nice clothes?
You are stressing, brother.
There's a Nordstrom rack around the corner.
Let's go to Big and Tall.
That's all Macy's.
Get the biggest and tallest.
Yeah, both.
I'm probably just going to get normal nice clothes.
Oh, man.
Don't embarrass me.
I don't want to spend like $1,000 on big and tall clothes that I'll never wear.
We really just need shoes.
There is a really good thrift shop.
Two blocks down, a really good thrift shop that has like suits and shit.
Yeah.
Just throwing that out there.
Boom.
Two blocks down.
Next direction.
Same block.
I don't need a suit.
I do.
I have a question
that I'm going to ask
before the high noon ad
and I want the answer
after,
no,
after.
And the question is,
how much would your level
of attraction to a woman
be taken down
by an exotic pet
like a snake
or iguana?
Think about that.
Think about that.
That's fresh from the
sheet.
Yeah,
we'll get to that.
Three options are not at all, a little, and a ton.
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Can you get Stanko in here? Let's get his review.
Hey, there's one more thing we haven't talked about.
Get his review?
It's darts week.
Oh shit, That's right
I'm gonna try to go
I can't make it
You're not gonna
We're gonna miss it
I said I'm gonna try to go
I think Greer's trying to sell my ticket
If you wanna buy it
I already have a ticket brother
And he also just put out an email
That said we have
There's nine extra tickets
Are you gonna go Rone?
I have two tickets
That I can't use
You are?
Of course
When are you gonna go?
Whenever darts is
Starts at seven I'm gonna try to get there by eight We're gonna pregame it I have tickets that I can't use. You are? Of course. When are you going to go? Whenever darts is.
Starts at 7.
I'm going to try to get there by 8.
We're going to pregame it.
Fuck!
Where's the pregame?
I don't think I can go to the... Sash, can you leave the keys to your apartment?
DJ, will I be missing if I don't go to the pregame?
Ron, you want to stay at mine?
If you show up at 8, nobody's going to be able to have a coherent conversation with you.
Damn it, so maybe I won't.
I bought my Dart shirt, too.
I mean, if you come.
What's your Dart shirt?
It's a surprise.
Oh, you're not supposed to say?
Ken Jack has a good one.
Ken Jack's is insane.
Ken Jack met Michael Van Gerwen this morning.
What?
He was outside of MSG.
Who?
Michael Van Gerwen.
The dude from Dart.
I thought that was the manager from LA.
What?
What's his name?
Dude who manages the TikTokers?
Oh, Gruen.
It's the same name.
Without the Van.
What's your fit going to be, TJ?
I got some stuff planned.
Fuck, I forgot about fits.
Is he wearing his jersey?
Yeah. Another Dartist behind him to the right. plans. Fuck, I forgot about Fitz. Is he wearing his jersey? Uh, yeah.
Another dartist behind him to the right?
That's Gerwin Price in the background.
So there's Michael Van Gerwen
and Gerwin Price? And Michael Smith.
Wait, that's gonna be my
new name then. I'll be Gerwin Teraney.
Yeah. That works.
It ain't Italian
though.
Fuck.
Probably not going to be able to go to darts.
Yeah, I can't either.
I got to go home for my sister's graduation.
I thought that was already happening.
Bullshit.
What?
No.
Oh, that's why you can't go to Washington.
And darts.
So I was triple booked.
You were triple booked.
Yeah.
Not that great at scheduling things. TJ, I just sent you my shirt, which I probably won't be able to wear because I'm probably not going to go.
Pretty good, though, right?
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
It's a play on the word tits.
Yeah.
It is.
I get it.
Who doesn't call their tits their boards?
Their boards.
It's the least titular thing.
Stop looking at their boards. Their boards. It's the least titular thing. Stop looking at my boards.
I don't want to go to darts.
TJ, can I see that guy chasing one more kid?
Yeah.
One more kid.
No, um,
Borkle this week, right?
Uh-huh.
That's insane.
Once we get past one and a half hours,
I think we're allowed to do whatever we want.
It's free yak.
I can't wait to see these freaking interns.
I'm going to chase them down the hallway like this.
You think he's fake, Brandon?
Uh, if this is the one
that shows him exiting the tunnel.
Yeah, oh, it might be fake.
How is a blatant, like, okay, now start walking.
Yeah, fuck, dude.
How did you do that?
Oh.
Yeah, see, there we go.
Ooh.
Yeah, that's surprising.
The chat for the yak disagrees with what I said.
Being that close should, it sass wins.
Yeah, you win.
I've already apologized.
I just don't know how you deny the tea that was in there.
I didn't hear it.
There's no tea.
There's a tea in there.
I said horrifying.
You said at least horrifying.
Horrifying.
There's like a D in the middle.
Yeah, horrifying.
What can you do?
See, the very first video we watched, there was a shot of them escaping the tunnel.
They were not bothered at all.
Yeah, those kids-
It was filmed from the side, so there would have had to have been two phones that were being used for this.
Go back and see the very first one.
Nick, did you bring us a fake video?
No chance.
Him having an eye.
Remember when I brought a fake video a month ago?
Find the kids, make them.
I brought a fake video to the act, and I think about it all the time.
Oh, it was a news thing, right?
No, it was the kid pranking his parents.
You guys were like, this is fake.
It's still scared.
That's fake.
Oh, yeah.
A second kid was not in a hurry.
Confirmed fake.
Nick, how could you?
How could you?
That guy's not even ugly now that I think about it.
This show is built on real videos.
Classic Gerwin.
He's handsome and not scary.
Fuck.
Gerwin.
That sucks.
Yeah.
I'd like to think that some of them are real.
I want to apologize to Yak listeners.
Sorry, Yak listeners, for bringing a video of screaming that you can't understand at all.
Yeah, last week was tough for the podcast listeners.
Those numbers have to be dropping.
Especially when we did the drawings.
Instead of us being like, red, George Washington, orange.
Battle of Waterloo.
This is a good episode.
Imagine on a road trip and you're with your buddies and you throw on that episode.
You're like, oh, I swear they're funny.
Purple.
The Exorcist.
Oh, Sasha out again.
I want to play it. Yeah. I want to play it.
Yeah, I want to play it.
A lot of them were just like, yeah, what are the colors and the shapes?
No, but it would be like one level harder.
What are the colors in a traffic light?
Thanks for throwing those in there.
Easy ones.
Wait, we should have one of us not look,
and they have to guess the categories.
Ooh, reverse Sporkle.
Yeah.
That should be a very challenging game.
Why don't you do it, Kyle?
You just found our way to do Sporkle.
I feel like Kyle would be the best.
I want you to do it, Kyle.
Kyle, you'd be the best.
You are the podcast listener.
Yeah, okay.
You sign a podcast listener every time.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do the other ad, Brandon, and then we'll do this.
No funny business, man.
Don't fuck it up, please.
Just read the paper.
Oh.
Oh, God.
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You see part of my take was clipped on ABC News last night.
What?
They did a Luther King story, and they used a clip from PMT on it briefly.
Really?
Can I see it?
Yeah, let me pull it up.
How's he doing?
Great.
Really?
Yes.
He doesn't have any steroids anymore, or maybe he does.
No, he does.
I just think he doesn't get, I think he went the Bert Kreischer route.
He's like, yeah.
Here I am.
He should have done that from the beginning.
Well, now that people know, there's no reason for him not to do them.
I don't understand.
Like, I'm going to maybe take Ozempic.
I'll tell you when I do.
It'll be awesome when you do.
I think we'll also know.
How do you get it?
I want to do it.
I don't want to be one of those people who's like, oh, I'm just starting to eat healthy.
Joey says it's covered with our insurance.
Yeah, I'm going to fucking.
Boys, I don't know.
I'm worried about that one.
I don't know if you guys should.
Ridiculous accusations.
People say I take PEDs.
Can we be honest?
You definitely take PEDs.
Oh, shit.
Damn it.
I was on Dateline.
Forgot to have my shirt off.
No, I want to take Ozempic for like two months.
Just lose 20 pounds.
I feel like I can maintain after that.
What would be the bad part, Kyle?
Well, they don't know, I don't think, yet.
No, they don't.
It's suspicious that it's also having all these positive effects.
Correct.
What would be the worst if I just did it for like...
No, you should do it.
I just do it during football season
When I usually gain 10 to 15 pounds
And then football season
Doesn't it come back right away when you're done?
I just feel like it would be a bitch to get off of it
You definitely blow up like a balloon when you quit
You just don't eat anymore
What does it make you not hungry? Is that what it is?
You just stay on it forever
Or that
You just keep on doing it and you keep on looking great forever
And you live your long healthy
life. Like big spending,
impulsive spending, nail biting.
What, it stops all that?
That's what people are saying.
It stops everything bad that you do.
I guess it kind of makes you just apathetic.
Joey doesn't seem apathetic
though. Joey's got
a zest for life. Joey gave up sucking dick.
He did? Yeah.
One week on Ozempic. One week on
Ozempic, he's a fucking pussy.
Well.
Alright, fine. I won't do it, Kyle.
No, he just wants to be the only
fucking hot jack guy. Yeah.
He's trying to gatekeep fucking being ripped.
At some point, I should stop being
30 to 40 pounds overweight.
Oh.
For long term health issues?
Today begins my home cooked
meals journey.
What are you starting with?
HelloFresh. Oh. But what's the first meal?
I don't know. There's so many.
Chicken parm one is good as hell.
What promo code did you use?
Boy Dad.
16, right?
Boy Dad.
16, yeah.
16 free meals.
That's a lot of typing.
A lot of typing.
Not really.
16 free meals, though.
The app is just three letters.
One less than story,
which is fun.
It's one of the best. It's hard to find everything.
Hard to find the letters.
You know the app SwiftKey?
It's like a easy, it's like a turn-in-the-keyboard on the letters. You know the app SwiftKey? It's like a easy,
it's like a
promo code app?
Turn it into a keyboard
on the phone.
Have you seen the corded keyboard?
You have to like learn chords to type.
It's really fast.
I might go throw up that gooseberry.
I feel like shit.
Really?
You're going to throw up the gooseberry?
You got to do it in the trash.
You think there was one
poisoned gooseberry?
He's going to shit it.
No, don't throw it up in here. No, don't throw it up in here.
No, don't throw it up in here.
No, no one wants to see it.
All right, let's vote.
I vote yes.
I vote no.
Hard no.
Steven, yes or no?
Zaza says yes.
Steven doesn't even know
what you're talking about.
That's a yes.
That's a yes.
Oh, no.
Let me get another one
while he's throwing it up.
Throw up your gooseberry.
It's going to smell like you're throwing up your gooseberry. Throw up your gooseberry. It's the yes. Oh, no. Let me get another one while he's throwing it up. Throw up your gooseberry. It's going to smell like gooseberry.
Throw up your gooseberry.
I don't think it's the gooseberry.
It's not the gooseberry.
Oh, no.
It's the cum?
It's probably cum.
Do you have certain thoughts when you need to throw up that help you get there?
I can never do it.
Mine's ketchup on a toilet seat.
For some reason, it makes me...
What?
Yeah, just thinking of that when I'm hungover can make me vomit immediately.
I don't know why.
Ketchup on a toilet...
Mine's hot vodka.
Oh.
Oof.
Like more than lukewarm.
Yep, makes your mouth water.
It gets water in the morning when you're hungover.
Ugh.
Ugh.
You guys are spoiling my gooseberry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were gooseberrying over there.
Apologies.
Arshing my goose.
Yeah, warm vodka.
Can we spin the wheel?
Yeah.
What are you going to eat that you're not eating Chick-fil-A?
What's your backup chicken place?
I go to Five Guys.
Not Popeyes?
Sometimes I go to Popeyes.
What's your backup chicken place? I go to Five Guys. Not Popeye's? Sometimes I go to Popeye's. What's your backup chicken place?
Bonchon or Five Guys.
Bonchon's too hot for you.
No, it's not.
They got mild.
You can get the sweet.
Yeah, the sweet garlic.
Popeye's has the best chicken sandwich, so it feels a lot more umptious.
Bonchon is delicious.
Korean barbecue.
Very good.
Chicken sandwiches?
Yeah.
Or just?
Just chicken.
Nuggets?
I do have to nuggets. Oh.
I do have to pee.
No.
He said he has to pee.
I know, but pee in the trash can.
If you puke without... Puke, Nick.
Puke.
Puke, Nick.
He's going to puke.
Those are so good.
Oh, my God.
I'm obsessed with them.
They don't even taste good while you're eating them. They just taste good
after you eat them.
What's the flavor like? I thought I was going to be the hero of the show.
Oh yeah, you weren't here. Yeah, I'll try a gooseberry.
They look like tomatoes.
You're literally the hero of the show.
People are going to carry you off.
Throw a good catch.
Great throw.
You guys playing any Frisbee this weekend?
Yeah, a little bit.
You did?
No.
I wish.
I want to keep playing some Frisbee.
Just catch.
Not banging chains.
No, when you have kids, weekends aren't fun.
They're a lot.
A lot of work.
Yeah?
Just putting in a lot of work.
Especially no good sports on anymore.
Summer weekends. Ace baseball is fun.
My 10-year-old
now, me and him dove into a video game together
this weekend. Oh, that's awesome. We were doing
the accomplishments together. We were unlocking things
together. That was fun. What game?
Gran Turismo 7.
Great soundtrack. My kids are too young where it's just the whole
weekend is built around how to keep them
occupied.
Yeah, that's got to suck.
I went to like a Boonies amusement park yesterday.
I had a great time.
I think it's easy with one.
Yeah.
You got one.
It's a different ball.
You got a different world coming.
It was great.
It was in the middle of nowhere.
And it was super cheap.
He got him free.
Just some real Boonies.
Food was still like $4 for a meal.
It was like going back in time to the 90s.
What was the meal?
Chicken nuggets and cheese fries.
It was the old school cheese.
You know the cheese sauce that kind of smells like vomit,
but it tastes really good?
It's kind of like ketchup on a boat seat.
I like this.
It wakes you up a little. It's like a... ketchup on a... Right. Let's eat. Yeah. I like this. It wakes you up a little.
It's like a...
Next to a traffic jam by the break.
And he's already late.
Frank going, ah.
Oh.
Frank just gave me a stare down.
What was that?
You look pissed.
That was mean.
Frank.
Someone took a...
You probably stole his sodas.
I did not.
What? Steven, I need help on on your Our guy's calling in a minute
Oh Nicky Smokes
Yeah
Is this the new guy?
Yeah
Oh yeah
He's gotta be one of the highest paid people
Of the company
100k a year
Can someone break down for me super quick
Cause I was like out of the loop
This week
Dave Bedham game 7
If Dave
If the Celtics won Nicky Smokes would have to get a tattoo saying Dave was right on it.
And if the Heat won, he gets a job for a year.
And is this a guy who's known in the sports world already or no?
He had a couple viral videos.
17,000 followers, 100K salary.
That's not bad.
I had 200,000 followers when I got hired and I had multiple videos with over a million
views on YouTube.
You got what?
20,000?
50.
50.
Still right around there, too.
Oh, you should have bet.
Game's over.
Three years in.
Hit three years tomorrow.
Three years?
You know, three years today was when David Guetta ended racism.
Really?
Wow.
Yeah. Good for Wow. Yeah.
Good for him.
Huge.
He makes a lot more than sass, too.
I didn't realize that was an MLS event.
Oh, really?
Can you find the clip, TJ?
MLS or ALS?
MLS.
Major League Soccer.
MLS, MLK.
Wasn't he?
Or Luther Soccer.
He was doing an MLS kickoff event.
Is this guy coming? Is he doing remote? Or is he moving to New York? I don't know. He's doing an MLS kickoff event. Is this guy coming?
Is he doing remote?
Or is he moving to New York?
I don't know.
He might move to Chicago.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Dave said he's a Jersey Jerry-like.
Oh, that's cool.
Oh. And I really hope we can see more unity and more peace when already things are so difficult.
So, shout out to his family.
Bam!
Wow.
That's it.
People start whooping it up.
Stop being racist in that moment.
Goofiest sound.
Hamster dance. That's awesome Did hamster dance.
That's awesome.
Hamster dance.
Can we spin the wheel?
Was that fake?
Yeah, let's spin the wheel.
No, it was real.
On June 1st.
Oh, I don't know if the hamster dance.
That was probably fake.
Everything's fake.
Why, why, why, why, why?
Oh, is Nicky Smokes here?
What the heck?
Nicky Smokes.
Viva, baby.
What's good, big cat?
What's up?
How we doing?
So we don't really, I guess we just wanted to know what's up.
Dude, I'm so fucking horned right now.
Like, I feel like I just took a rhino pill at the gas station.
Like, this has just been the craziest 24 hours of my life.
Being on the show with you boys right now is a fucking blessing.
I'm so fired up, bro.
You have no idea. I can't wait. right now is a fucking blessing. I'm so fired up, bro. You have no idea.
I can't wait.
So I have a couple questions.
How old are you?
Because we were having that debate.
Dave said you could be anywhere from 20 to 40.
Dude, I get that all the time.
And when I take my hat off, you see my hairline,
you'll think I'm probably like 45, but I'm 23.
Okay, 23.
All right, and then Miami, just all Miami sports.
That's it.
Dolphins, dolphins heat fuck the hurricanes
i'm a gator okay that's pretty much it bro i mean canthar's in the cup heat in the finals
this is like this is like the greatest time to be alive it doesn't even feel real and you're
keeping your your name yeah i mean look maybe we'll do a little rough and rowdy me versus tommy winner
keeps the smokes last name what about what about the first name nick i mean i i can't i mean my
my actual legal name is charles oh i'll take that i'll smoke i'll take i'll take you'll take
charles i'll take charles charlie smokes i'm sure not i'm not taking smokes charlie smokes trani yeah yeah i think
i'll be charlie smokes yeah okay all right so what what's the what's the first like order of
what are you doing well i'm walking straight to your desk 12 donuts ready to go wait you're here
right now yeah i'm about to get on the plane to get back home i'm not coming
to the office but and then i'm walking over to jersey jerry and i'm fucking walking right up to
him and i'm inhaling him and i'm letting him know he smells delicious okay that sounds like a pretty
good one-two punch um all right so i guess we'll we'll talk to you like in the future i don't know
maybe you're gonna move to chicago i talked talked to Dave about that on the rundown.
Yeah, I mean, Dave has been going back and forth.
He's like, do you want to relocate?
I'm like, absolutely, I want to relocate.
He's like, would you rather go to a barstool?
Would you rather go to New York or Chicago?
I know all the boys are going to Chicago.
I'm like, dude, I want to go to Chicago.
But he hasn't hit me back in, like, three hours,
so I don't fucking know what's going on.
Well, he was sick, so, yeah. All right, well, we'll talk. I follow you now, so hit me up, like three hours, so I don't fucking know what's going on. Well, he was sick, so yeah.
All right, well, we'll talk.
I follow you now, so hit me up, all right?
Oh, I will.
Hey, wait, Big Cat, real quick.
I have to address this.
Because everyone's like, oh, you just won a bet.
Yeah, you're right, I won a fucking bet.
You're damn right I did.
But it's not like Dave's out here DMing,
I ate your mom's box 420.
Yo, do you want to bet me on game seven,
$100, dollar salary at
bar school come on well i put some skin into this game big cat that's true you did you did
you got yourself to a point where the bet was possible you're talking to kfc now kfc is the
one that said that right well i didn't i didn't even know that he said that one of my boys um
sent it to me this morning i'm just like fuck this guy oh rivalries i like it
rivalries already okay all right well nicky smokes hottest man at barstool right now
welcome aboard yeah i can't wait to meet the boys roan you're a legend all you guys
i'm telling you bro like yeah i'm so fired up. I love it. Are you drunk?
I'm hammered.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah.
Whirlwind of emotion.
That bottomless mimosa was like, almost got jumped leaving the game yesterday.
It was a fucking time to be alive.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll talk to you soon, Nicky Smokes.
Absolutely.
Appreciate you, boys.
All right.
See you, man.
Congrats. Yep. Stank, boys. All right. See you, man. Congrats.
Stanko.
Stanko.
Stanko.
Stanko, what'd you give Air?
I have not seen it.
Oh, my goodness.
But you did say that the Taylor Swift concert is worth every penny to anyone.
The Taylor Swift concert is worth more than $20,000.
Absolutely, hands down.
Oh, my God.
Absolutely, hands down.
You cannot pay for that experience.
I believe you.
$50,000?
No, you can't.
$50,000.
I would go to Taylor Swift.
You can't.
$100,000.
It's priceless memories.
$100,000.
I would go to the concert.
$100,000.
If the Bears were in the Super Bowl, would you sell your tickets for any amount of money?
Yeah.
If someone was like, hey, here's $100 million, yeah.
I wouldn't do that.
$100 million.
Yes.
Of course I would.
I'd watch it on TV and have $100 million.
That's a good memory.
Is it because you are a super fan or because it was that good of an experience?
It's a little bit of both.
If someone offered you a billion dollars, Stanko, you would take a billion dollars.
That was your first concert.
I've been to a Taylor Swift concert three times and Billy Joel once.
That's my only concert.
If someone offered you a billion dollars, you'd take a billion dollars.
Now we're just talking after.
That's too high.
That's too high.
If someone offered you a million.
It's a point of memory.
A million dollars.
A million dollars cash.
You cannot put.
A million dollars cash.
No, I would rather go to the concert.
No, you wouldn't.
No, you wouldn't.
It's a memory.
You can't put a point of memory in. That's crazy. You would rather go to the concert. No, you wouldn't. It's a memory. You can't put a price on a memory.
That's crazy.
You could then go to the next one.
It was not the same.
I had to fight to get in the lottery to win these tickets.
I went with my friends.
It was a rain show.
You didn't go with your girlfriend?
I did.
Five million.
With my girlfriend.
Five million.
Five million dollars cash.
It's a priceless memory.
I'm not going to put a price on a memory.
It's not a priceless memory. There's no way it's a priceless memory. I'm not going to put a price on a memory. It's not a priceless memory.
There's no way it's a priceless memory.
$1 million.
It's 100 Nicky Smokes.
That doesn't matter to me.
$20 million cash.
200 sasses.
It's a memory.
Memory is worth more than money.
$20 million cash.
I'm the type of guy who doesn't take his phone out to take photos either.
I just put my phone in my pocket and do the whole thing.
I'm the type of guy. We got to his phone out to take photos either. I just put my phone in my pocket and do the whole thing. I'm the type of guy who doesn't.
We got to talk.
What'd you give John Wick 4?
That's like an A+.
It's like the best action movie in the past decade since Mad Max Fury Road.
So be it.
I'll watch it.
Kelly.
Kelly.
Oh, she's excited.
Kelly.
I got a question.
Oh, she's a new woman.
I'm a new woman.
Quick question for you.
Yes.
If I said to you before Friday night, or maybe even Saturday morning, you can't go to Taylor Swift,
but I have a briefcase with $100 million cash in it.
$100 million.
Come on.
I didn't know you said $100 million.
That's too much.
I think it was $5 million.
$1 million.
$1 million.
$1 million.
$1 million.
I would say no, I'm going to Taylor Swift. $5 million. Thank million. 1 million. 1 million. 1 million. I would say no,
I'm going to Taylor Swift.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Tango just said no
to $20 million.
You can't.
I don't think that there's
I'm with you.
I don't think there's
an amount of money.
It's breakfast.
No, it's not breakfast.
It's breakfast.
Another concert.
Here's the deal.
This is ridiculous.
Hey, $1 million
to a personal show
from Taylor Swift.
Like, the Taylor Swift
concert was unbelievable.
Three and a half hours nonstop.
But I already told you, if you gave me $100 million cash to not go to the Super Bowl, I'd be like, sure.
Football's better to watch on TV than live anyway.
You can't watch a concert on TV.
It would never be this easy.
But she plays more concerts.
But it's a rain.
I went to the rain show in Gillette.
That's literally.
That's a can't miss opportunity.
It's $10 million.
$10 million.
Oh, so it rained?
You got shitty weather?
No, no.
She performs in the rain.
Like she does the whole fucking thing in the rain.
Fuck.
I was there too.
It was terrible.
And you all did.
That's not.
Don't act like that.
It's emotional.
Okay.
It's a cathartic experience.
Right?
There were tears.
She doesn't get extra credit for performing in the rain.
She absolutely does.
No, she does.
Yes, she does.
No, she doesn't.
I'll show you a video.
I'll send you a video of her performing in the rain. You're going to be like, wow. What was a part of. No, she doesn't. I'll show you a video. I'll send you a video
of her performing in the rain.
What was a part of it?
I know your expectations
were 10 out of 10,
but what was a part of it
that even exceeded that,
like that you didn't see coming?
This is ridiculous.
Honestly, really,
it was the feeling in the stadium.
I knew that everybody
was going to be hype.
I knew that everybody
was going to know all the words
and whatever,
but being there
and singing along,
I don't know.
The energy is outrageous.
I've never been around something like that.
I've never been to a concert like that.
I've never been where everyone loves the artist, is so excited,
knows every fucking word.
It was unbelievable.
$20 million you would-
I would have missed the birth of my kid for a million dollars.
$20 million you wouldn't do it?
You're insensitive.
You're an absentee father.
We know that.
You missed the conception of your kids.
I think that...
So wait.
Okay, the stipulations on this are
I can't go...
You're going to give me a million dollars,
but I can't go to the concert that I wanted to go to,
but I can go to another concert.
You can't go to any concerts on this tour?
No, fuck that.
Absolutely.
No amount of money.
$20 million.
It's the Everest tour.
She plays every single album.
No, no.
To not go on this tour. You never have to work again. She played every single album. No, no. To not go on this tour.
You never have to work again.
It's a fucking concert.
No, I'm fine working if I get to see this fucking tour.
Absolutely not.
You're out of your mind.
Sorry.
This fed me more than any amount of money that I'll ever have in my bank account.
Just don't think this is real.
If I walked in here with $20 million in a briefcase, there's no way you would turn that down.
Yes, there is.
And you said, I can't go to the AeroStore at all.
Any of the concerts, you're out of your fucking mind.
Three and a half hours nonstop.
Those are both nonstop.
You're out of your mind.
$20 million cash.
I'm fine.
Four hours after that.
I'm not broke.
I'm fine.
It's over.
The concert's over.
But the memories are not.
Yeah, I'm still there.
In my head, I'm still there.
You know what? I just today. There was a group screaming over there this there. In my head, I'm still there. You know what?
I just today.
What if you had $20 million right now?
What if you had $20 million over there this morning?
They were so excited.
$20 million?
I don't know.
I mean, I wouldn't be with you guys, but like I would.
No, you'd be on a fucking beach.
You'd be on your own fucking.
I feel okay.
Like I can also just go to the beach right now.
Like I have no problem.
Like I can live my life.
I'm worried about you guys with the dopamine spikes.
You're about to enter a treacherous trial.
I slept for almost a full 24 hours afterwards.
I woke up for like three hours on Saturday, and I slept the rest.
I know.
Sunday was tough as well.
Yesterday, I took a walk.
I got out and about.
That was fine.
That is crazy.
I'm struggling today as well, too.
Were there some people that just couldn't handle the emotions, the sheer emotions?
Her name's Kelly Keene.
At certain points, I had to stop and relax.
Was there a medical tent?
I think that there was.
No, seriously.
People have been fainting and stuff.
That's not a joke.
But I thought I was going to faint a couple times.
It's just a singer.
No, listen.
It's the vibe.
It's the vibe of the place.
It is another level.
I'm not shitting on you guys having this experience.
It's an incredible experience. I'm just saying that it's lying when you say the $ of the place. It is another level. I'm not shitting on you guys having this experience. It's an incredible experience.
I'm just saying that it's lying when you say the $20 million cash.
No, I'm really not lying.
That's all.
I'm really not lying.
Yes, I get it.
Money isn't everything, Dan.
Money isn't everything.
I know, but $20 million cash, if I fucking handed you that, you would take it.
I just like, I don't know.
I don't think about needing $20 million cash.
Yeah, that'd be nice, but this was fucking unbelievable.
This was so-
$20 million isn't going to change my life.
Taylor Swift concert.
Yes, it would.
It isn't going to change your life.
Who are you?
What family are you coming from?
I would not change the way I live at all.
What the fuck?
What?
$20 million changes everything.
I would not change the way I live at all.
I am a simple, simple man.
Honestly, like, I mean, $20 million obviously changes your life, but that's true.
Like, I'm not out here saying, like, I need $20 million.
How did the concert change your life?
It made me a better man.
I'm a different person today.
Yes, you did.
You saw music for three and a half hours.
I know, and it was fantastic.
I am a different person.
I lost my voice, sang with my friends, got poured onto the rain.
It was delightful.
Yes.
Tell them, Sanko.
Tell them.
I'm a different person today.
How much to give up soccer for the rest of your life?
20 mil?
A brother.
Way less than that.
Wow.
Not a fan.
Not a true fan.
It changes my entire fucking bloodline.
Yes.
Congratulations.
You guys are.
You guys got to be.
You said no to that.
Whatever.
I don't want kids.
I'm careful with that privilege talk.
Yeah.
I don't know, dude. You guys got to be careful with that privilege talk. Yeah.
I don't know, dude.
I think that it was so unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life.
It really was.
And I feel so lucky to have been able to go.
It was great that I've never been able to go to any of the other concerts. But she was playing songs from all of them, so it felt like I was there.
I feel like I didn't miss on anything.
It was a concert.
It was a spiritual experience. It was a concert. It spiritual experience it was a concert it was more than a concert it was more
than a concert i can understand there's more than a concert oh i understand that yeah that part
frankie barelli was crying do you hear that frankie really cried when she offered him 20
million dollars he would well no he didn't even he isn't really like he likes how swift whatever
but he was the one that got uh some box seats out of nowhere. And he said he cried when she took the stage.
Because he was overcome with emotion.
There's so much emotion in the place.
Why?
Because it's just, we're all so excited.
You saw how much they could charge for water there.
I don't even think I drank water the whole time.
I didn't.
I think I had two high noons and that was it.
That's all I had all night.
Frankie, if I offered you $20 million cash and you couldn't go to the Taylor Swift concert, would you take it?
I mean.
How would I get going?
He's thinking about it.
That's all we need.
We got to go to the next one.
I think he was saying it was obvious he would.
$20 million cash, no taxes.
All right, I got to go.
I know.
Where's the next one?
Tell them specifically.
Bye.
Yeah, specifically the Eros tour.
Pretty convincing points.
If you were going to tell me I could never see Taylor Swift again after seeing this Eros tour,
okay, sure, that's fine.
I feel like I saw everything.
I feel like I really got the full experience.
And yeah, I'll take $20 million to never see her in concert again.
For next tour, you can go to every show. I need someone to blog this. Cis white male, cis white woman'll take $20 million to see her in concert again. For next tour, you can go to every show.
I need someone to blog this. Cis white male,
cis white woman, turned down $20 million.
Yeah, your privilege is glaring
right now.
I guess so. Sorry for casting.
I'm happy you had a great time, though.
I saw your reaction to the crowd
and it warmed my heart.
I know. I was like,
I was losing my mind.
I'm glad that Fran was there there because i she's like a concert expert i'm not i i don't love a concert
it's too many people really for me but i think that um her being there and like knowing the
lay of the land and having a head on her shoulders and like had already seen do you mean lay of the
land like a seat map like she knew how to get to metlife she knew where like everything was like
i don't go to i don't go to stadiums like i, I don't. How was getting in and out?
Getting in was fine.
We took a car.
Getting out, we took the train.
It took about an hour and a half to get home.
We got out on the second train.
You floated home.
Yeah.
I don't even remember getting home.
Everybody on the train was floating like you, too, right?
Yeah.
We were zombies just, like, walking onto the train, like, still singing Taylor Swift.
How did the plan for peeing at 22 work?
Oh, my God.
I couldn't leave. It was too good. I was like, oh, no was like oh no fuck the song like whatever I don't really care about that song it
started playing you saying it was awesome I was like I'm 22 right now like I how could I possibly
leave but I did leave during the next one we're never getting back together which is I can take
or leave that song to be honest I sang it the whole time in the bathroom though I was like
screaming singing it in the bathroom like while he'seing. So that's something, you know?
Her boyfriend's trending again for all his comments.
Can I tell you, I'm so fucking sick and here about this guy.
Is it real?
What's the latest?
I haven't seen, actually.
That they are together?
I thought this was like-
Oh, no, yeah, they're together.
They are.
He's like a rebound boyfriend, a fling.
She doesn't come out and been like-
He keeps saying that, but I think that this one's going to last.
I don't think so.
I think there's no way.
No, I think he's a perfect rebound.
No, he's a perfect rebound.
He's like kind of a piece of shit.
I heard she was pregnant.
No, she's not pregnant.
There was one picture I have a question about.
There was a silhouette picture of her with ice spice.
Fake, photoshopped.
Oh, okay, good.
Yeah.
Oh, the ass.
And it moved Taylor Swift's shoulders backwards.
Yeah, Taylor Swift looked like a preteen boy.
Oh, that's mean.
Ice Spice had some fucking...
The biggest ashes of all time.
She does got it like that.
I got got.
I know how you feel, Nick.
Yeah, you feel like an idiot.
Fake-ass fucking video.
Ice Spice was there.
I got lucky.
We got the best show.
Friday was the best show.
I heard Saturday was the best.
How do you know that?
It was Friday.
How do you know that?
Because Jack Ansonoff came out and played Getaway Car with her,
which is not in the set list.
Germaphobe.
Crowd favorite.
Is he?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
I don't know much about him.
He fucked Lena Dunham.
I know that.
They were engaged, I think.
Sure as hell ain't a germaphobe.
Germaphilia.
I walked by Jack Antonoff when I first moved to New York.
We were looking at apartments.
Really?
He was looking at the same apartment.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, Brooklyn.
Well, no, I didn't rent it.
He, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, yes.
Yeah, even I would take $20 million.
I don't need it.
He came out, played Getaway Car with Taylor,
and then she played, so they did the Secret Songs,
like I said, and the Secret Songs were perfect.
I got Maroon, which is from the newest album, Midnight.
It's my favorite song on the album.
So it's just like I transcended and the secret songs were perfect. I got Maroon, which is from the newest album, Midnight. It's my favorite song on the album. So it's just like I transcended.
And then I Spice came out at the end,
performed her new remix with Karma,
which is fine, whatever.
Yeah, I mean, Taylor's obviously-
I'm not really like the crazy I Spice fan.
I just didn't really-
Oh, she's using her.
She's of the TikTok era that I'm-
Taylor's using her.
It couldn't be more blatant.
I don't think that.
It was, I think it's-
Oh, wow, look at that.
I thought that was a picture of Michael Jackson. No, that's me in platinum. That's so me. That's using her. It couldn't be more blatant. Oh, wow. Look at that. I thought that was a picture of Michael Jackson.
No, that's me and Blattman.
That's so mean.
That's so crazy.
We're so fucked up.
Anyway, I think that, whatever.
Annie Conrad, shout out him.
She also made a music video for us.
Made out with her.
Oh, really?
Two years ago.
Fuck yeah.
Before she was big, I guess. Oh, yeah, Ice Spice. She's still big. We talked about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah years ago. Fuck yeah. Before she was big, I guess.
Okay, I spice.
You're still big.
We talked about this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, pick up.
She's cool.
I don't know.
Taylor Swift wanted to date you.
Would you do it?
Yes.
Are you kidding me?
Okay.
I'm still fucking Lutely.
Two seconds.
What if Taylor Swift wanted to date you,
but was like, I want you to carry my child?
Wow.
Maddie Healy's seed.
That is so hard.
I want you to be the surrogate.
We'll be best friends for the rest of our lives.
Okay.
But you have to be the surrogate.
So is it my child too?
Are we having this kid together?
No, it's Maddie Healy and Taylor Swift.
You're carrying it.
Oh, I'm just the surrogate?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, absolutely.
No problem at all.
That's fine.
But I think the only person on earth that I would have parent it. Oh, yeah. That's, oh, yes, absolutely. No problem at all. That's fine.
But I think that if, I think the only person on earth that I would have a kid with is Taylor Swift.
That's a fact.
It's a matter of Brandon's day.
If she was like, I want to have a baby with you, I'd be like, okay, girl, whatever.
Let's do it.
Let's go.
Yeah.
What's wrong, Brandon?
Brandon just had a seizure.
Yeah, you good, man.
Are you okay?
What happened?
No, but you wouldn't take $20 million.
$20 million.
I don't know why you're so hung up on this.
Like, I just, this experience meant more to me than than 20 million dollars i thought about that but then
it was like your circuit yeah no problem done it was the best experience then then it's like then
we're friends forever like i carried your child then i'm basically that baby's godmother i'm in
was it your the best experience of your entire life i think so your life has peaked well as of
as of this moment yes but that doesn't mean there's
not room for more. No, no, no. You can only
peak once. Come on, Brandon.
I think you can continue peaking for the rest of your life.
We just had an Everest guy in here. There's
a peak. Oh, yeah? There's one peak.
Hey, isn't that, that was last week, right?
Yeah. That guy, I think, went to my high school.
What? Really? Yeah. My brother texted me after
and was like, oh, did you meet that guy?
Same show. You were on the same show as him. Yeah. And yeah and i was like no what's the deal and he was like i went
to hunter central i was like oh that's my fucking rise up red devils oh yeah he did say that yeah
so he's from my hometown which is bizarre and he went to everest that's great all you did was
see it i knew this was gonna happen i was trying to act cool the whole time about that happening
no i know but like it's just it's chaotic i gotta got to leave. Bye, Kelly. Thank you guys for chatting.
See ya.
Brandon hates you now.
I think they're lying, that's all.
I think if you had $20 million.
Not her as much, but I think Stanko is lying.
If you had it in a briefcase, it would be very hard to turn it down.
Very hard.
$20 million.
That's a lot of money.
They floated out of the concert.
All right, let's play one round of Sporkle
where Kyle has to guess it, and then we'll end the show.
Yeah, we'll play one.
Tomorrow is Kate and Frank.
We'll have live updates from Leigh B.
You pretty much just hit the halfway point of the show
if we're starting up Sporkle right now.
Kyle, Baby Gronk took a visit to Missouri.
Whoa.
Oh, shit.
Oh, that's...
He's kind of going down in class.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's him preying on your downfall.
Does Baby Gronk ever get to go play in a crick?
You know?
No.
I worry that he's not getting enough
Crick time?
Crick playing time, yeah.
My third and fourth grade birthdays were in the crick.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Love a good crick hang.
The shirtless tooth brushing was kind of weird.
That's weird. Yeah, it's of weird. That's weird.
Yeah, it's just weird.
It's weird.
It's all weird.
Yeah, it's all weird.
It feels weird.
He had like a thing.
He doesn't even have a thing anymore.
What is this thing?
I don't know what his thing is.
He's Baby Gronk.
He's like a big kid for his age?
He's a big kid for his age, yeah.
Alright, let's do
one round of Sporkle.
Okay.
Grab bag.
Kyle can't look.
He can't see the screen anyway.
Ooh.
Yeah, I can't see.
Just gonna let it just gonna let it drop like that? Yes. Yeah, I can't see. Just going to let it drop like that?
Yes.
Yeah, game's over.
Okay, so Kyle, close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes.
Did we do this one?
Or actually keep them open?
We have done this one.
You can't see.
And I have some good new ones to play, but when I'm ready.
You do have a hard out at three.
Wait, we already did this one, too.
We should do one where Kyle has to guess.
I have unnecessary roughness at three as well.
What?
I have unnecessary roughness.
All right, so we'll just do one.
Quick five-minute game.
Okay.
Well, that's going to be easy to guess.
Right.
What's the A-less?
What does that mean? That one's not bad. It just. What's the A-less? Yeah, what does that mean?
That one's not bad.
It just doesn't have...
A-less?
What does that mean?
Okay, yeah, we could do this.
Okay.
Okay.
Any of the words at all?
So none of these have A's.
You have to guess.
We're going to do it, and then you have to guess what...
Categories.
Categories are.
The word can't start with the letter A?
There's multiple categories. There can't be an A in it. Anywhere in the word. Yeah start with the letter A? There's multiple categories.
There can't be an A in it.
Anywhere in the word.
Yeah, that would be A-less.
Okay.
Go ahead, Sass.
Princeton.
I can't see.
Doc.
You've already got that one.
Doc. You've already got that one Doc
You already got that one
Oh his mic's not on
Mine isn't or
I mean one is Ivy League schools
Yes
Okay
Doc
D-O-C
I'm up
Shit
Toy Story
Pixar movies.
Yeah, fuck.
God damn, he's good at this.
He's really good at this.
This is really good.
I had a Pixar movie, so Venus.
The Planets.
Well, that was...
Fuck, he's so good at this.
Yeah.
That's got an A in it. Yeah. That's got an A in it.
Yeah, that's got an A.
She got...
Kate's out.
Kate's back.
I hate this game.
Kate's out.
I'll do...
Kate's out.
Oh, she's leaving.
That concept was tough for her.
Up.
We already did that.
He already got that.
That's off the board.
Is that up?
That's off the board.
Oh, so we can't do any of those anymore?
We've made this game worse.
There's one like parts of What's Up, Doc?
Okay.
No.
All right.
Can you scroll down?
What is that one right there at the bottom right?
I can't read the...
Oh, yeah, that's easy.
Phoebe.
Friends cast.
Ah, shit, he's so good at this.
He's damn good.
Kitchen.
Ooh.
Liverpool.
Uh-oh.
Oh, he's going.
You got anything?
Premier League team
Okay that one's got
Kitchen
John
Books of the Bible
No
Fuck
It's us
We've made this game worse
Yeah we made it worse
Yeah
Shit
It's a hard one
I got one
I got one
You can go
I'm out
Neon
Where's it all going now?
I don't know
Elements
Close
How about
It's way easier than i thought turkey yeah thanksgiving dishes
european countries yeah fuck he got that uh he's gotten them all pretty oh no he hasn't gotten this
one sleepy oh this is the seven dwarves i feel like he needs to specify this one. Luke. So we got Luke and John, but it's not books of the Bible.
Well.
New York.
You got to specify.
Gospels.
New York.
Rhode Island.
Oh, is that not one of them?
It's got an A in it.
It's got an A in it.
Oh, Connecticut.
Oh, come on now.
That's what you do.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
That's what you do.
I didn't mean to.
You do that.
What happened?
There's a C before the T.
Are we not going to give him that one?
I mean, that's.
Let's end the show.
This is terrible.
All right.
We'll see everyone.
See Kate and Frank tomorrow.
Yeah, we still on the wheel.
We'll update from LAB all day. Actually, Kate will actually, we still on the wheel. We'll update for Malay B all day.
Actually, Kate will actually probably get here by the end.
Oh, great.
Okay, good.
We can do a review of everything.
Wonderful.
Yes.
Well, we're looking forward to it.
It's going to have more romance than air tomorrow, our date.
Ooh.
Looking a little spicy.
See you then.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. See you then. It's time to talk shop and do a Yankees love is the act.
It's the act.