The Yak - Big Cat Achieves a Scientific Breakthrough | The Yak 1-12-23
Episode Date: January 12, 2023Lil Sasquatch: Mr. IrrelevantYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. DJ, hold that up.
Yo.
Where's KB?
I don't know.
That ended too abruptly.
I still don't like that.
Do we have two tanks?
Yes.
Okay, all right.
Well, the second one's supposed to arrive today.
Oh, okay, great.
And if not, I can run to a pet store and get more.
Ain't Grace coming tomorrow?
What's up, everyone?
I don't like that Stephen Chay's wearing a hat.
It bothers me.
I just want to get that out of the way.
Does that say the data on the hat?
Yeah.
It says trust the data.
I don't like it. It says trust the data.
On sale now at the Barstool store.
Yeah.
You don't like my hat?
No, I don't.
It's cursive.
You like cursive.
I know, but... Cursive. You like cursive. I know, but...
Cursive.
You like cursive.
That's not a cursive D.
And it's not cursive.
That's not a cursive.
It's script.
Yeah, that's not cursive.
Cursive and script are different?
Yes.
Are they?
Yeah.
You look like you're about to queue up some videos on ridiculousness.
Roasted.
Is there typically 50 people in there? Yeah yeah i don't know what's going on behind
okay so this is from um like maybe black friday but it's a they're contest winners oh no way
they bought a bunch of shit um oh hell yes they're all very stupid apparently because
a lot of money and buy a trusted data hat they They're here. Yeah, buy a trusted. Love it. So those, you guys in there, you bought a ton of merch.
Would you buy that hat?
No.
Yeah.
I'm just giving out my picks.
I'd buy the hat and throw it in the trash.
Take the picks back.
That's the best way to support Shay.
Yeah.
It's also just like, you wearing hats, I don't like it.
All right, fine.
I'll take it off.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Main brand that are matching today almost, color scheme wise.
You have a little bit of purple on your hat.
And you have a lot of purple on it?
Yeah.
Okay, fair enough.
Purple guy.
Yeah.
And my friends, yeah.
KB's not here yet, so we can't do compliment minute, but if he gets here.
When he gets here, we'll do compliment.
As soon as he gets here, we're going to do it, though.
We'll do your compliment.
I know we ran out of time yesterday.
Don't let it derail the show, though.
If we're in a groove when he gets here, I think that would be.
We probably won't be in a groove because he'll be walking in.
That's true.
That's true.
All right, so you got us there.
Greer just sent KB a bidet, and it just arrived.
So I think he's maybe installed.
He's had Rectowich for 12 years.
What?
He's just not wiping.
I don't think he's wiping.
He's ass open over a hose right now.
I'd imagine, yeah.
And why did Greer send it to him? Because Greer got tired of his complaining. Oh, okay. he's wiping. He's ass open over a hose right now. I'd imagine, yeah. And why did Greer send it to him?
Because Greer got tired of his complaining.
Oh, okay.
That's fair.
I have a group with Greer, and all Kyle does is, yeah.
He's going to fuck it up, though.
Greer said, he said, don't turn the knob too far because it comes out fast, and he's going to turn it too far.
Yeah.
Same thing.
I was at a comedy club in the green room.
They had a bidet, and I wanted to see how it worked.
And I was standing, like, pissing.
And I turned it, and it just got all over me.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they shoot.
It goes straight up.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
These make me feel uncomfortable.
Oh, no, they're amazing.
They're amazing.
You don't even need to wipe after.
You got to dab and dry.
I still should.
You probably still should. I do, but you don't have to. I think it's like, I don't even need to wipe after. You gotta dab and dry. I still should. You probably still should.
I do, but you don't have to.
I think it's like, I don't know, I'll wipe first.
Walk around with damp ass.
You wipe, bidet wipe.
Yeah, well, when you...
No, you bidet dab, get up.
I wipe, then I bidet,
and then I dry.
Dry my wet ass with paper.
How do you dry?
The bidet should have some sort of... You just pat?
Okay.
I think he lifts his legs and blows down.
I'm just an American and I don't do this French bullshit.
Yeah, I get it.
Pause.
Squirting water up your ass?
Yeah, but he's got cauliflower ass, so it's...
Yeah, he does.
It's mangled.
The bidet should
have some sort of air dry system.
Some do. It is cauliflower
ass. It would be... It would get
more respect if you called it that.
Have a baby.
Have a baby. Your asshole
is never the same.
If you're out there pregnant right now...
Cutter Mike. All right, Cutter mic. Cutter mic. Cutter mic.
All right, cutter mic.
Thank God.
Okay.
As we speak.
Cutter mic.
Listen, Kate,
you're not allowed to talk about women doing uncouth things. Any women things, really.
Yeah. It grosses us out.
My nipples were the size
of fog and dust.
They turned dark black.
And always are.
Maybe I'm pregnant.
That would be dope. A boy's sweet potato pat's
going to be a dad. No shit.
That enough? It's going to have to be
quadruplets minimum. Yeah.
Quadruplets, but Siamese twins.
Twins, but they're both Siamese.
Two Siamese twins?
Yeah.
Come out as different ethnicity?
Probably.
He has probably such diverse sperm, like the sperm on the whole top left of his nut and
the bottom left.
The hemisphere, yeah.
They're darker complected.
They're olive skinned.
All right, so Kate's setting up the tank to see if the tank is going to work for...
We're just testing the tank?
Our tank race.
They're in the middle of the room.
Well, there's two teams.
Yeah, there's two teams.
Here and the tank here.
Tank here and here.
So four here, four there.
So let's say there's one right here-ish.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, but how many...
So are you going to cut it?
Okay.
Oh, so... What's the old... How many – so are you going to cut it? Okay.
Oh, so – Make sure there's like – because if he has to bend over –
It has to go in.
Yeah.
What's the old thing?
Measure twice, cut once?
Yeah.
We're just not even measuring.
No.
We're just –
Clifty Martino.
I'll go a little lower.
I'll go a little lower.
Always go a little bit lower.
Yeah.
It's going to need to be down in there.
We don't want it too tall.
This tank race is going to take forever
to get the suction.
That's what I'm worried about.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to suck.
Come on, Brandon. Start sucking, Brandon.
There it goes.
See? Easy. Quit it.
That tastes awful.
It's like plastic, you idiot. That's a high noon.
It's not even up to his mouth yet.
It's getting close.
Now is it just backwash? You idiot. That's a high noon. It's not even up to his mouth yet. Okay.
Now how do you.
Now is it just backwash?
It's going to be all backwash.
That's disgusting.
Think of when you siphoned gas, Brandon.
It's going to be all backwash.
That took so much effort.
Oh, look.
It's all going back in.
Oh, oh. It all went back in.
Oh, oh.
It all went back in.
This taker is not going to work, but it's going to be great.
What if we lift it?
Yeah, no, yeah. you got to lift it.
It's got to be higher than the straw.
It's got to be higher than his head.
Brandon's not drinking, or whoever's not drinking.
You got to hold the thing up like this.
Yeah.
I think if you put a loop in it, there won't be backlash.
He went all back in.
Every bit of it.
We need a roller coaster designer.
Kyle is here.
Kyle's here.
We're grooving. We're grooving.
We're grooving.
Well, let me do a high noon ad because we're drinking high noons right now.
High noon.
Hard seltzer made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water.
It's actually made with vodka and not with malt like other hard seltzers.
Real vodka, real juice for real fans just like us.
Head over to your local liquor store and get some today.
We just put a bunch of high noons into the tank.
Is the tank working?
High noon is so delicious. Here we go. and get some today. We just put a bunch of high noons into the tank. Is the tank working?
High noon is so delicious.
Here we go.
Peach is my favorite.
Oh, that looks like that doesn't go backwash.
It is.
It's going up hill.
It's going up.
It's defying the laws of gravity. How good is that high noon, Brandon?
Delicious.
It is the best.
You can get them at your local liquor store today
a mango pineapple treat mix them up anyone out there want to try something different you can
mix up your party pack nice high noon tropical party pack get them in stores now they have
pineapple mango passion fruit, and watermelon.
That's the tropical high noon party pack.
Delicious.
High noon.
This might not fly.
Well, we have a whole show to figure this out.
Oh, my God.
We need Zah here.
Yeah, Zah would definitely get this right.
I thought we were doing the valves that you cut it off.
I thought you were just doing long straws.
There don't sell straws on them.
What's the chat saying?
So maybe what we're going to have to do is do the pass around method.
I think scooping cups is the most surefire way.
That's not as fun.
Chad's spamming for Quigs
to figure this out.
Quigs, Quigs,
go get Quigs.
I know, Quigs is...
Quigs is upstairs, Kate.
Go get Quigs.
Schumann, maybe?
We get Schumann
on the fucking line?
I was in a private room
across from the bathroom
when I came in.
I know Terrane's smart.
Go get Quigs.
He'll figure this out.
Terrane.
Terrane.
All right, so...
Let's call up Terrane.
There's a lot of high noon in there right now still.
Kyle, are you sitting on a brand new ass?
Brandon, would you.
What you mean?
Clean?
Brandon, would you like your compliment minute?
Yeah.
Oh, no, it's not in yet.
Not until tonight.
Oh, the day?
Yeah.
The compliments?
They're not in until tonight.
Sorry, Brandon.
Let's do a compliment minute for Brandon.
I did feel bad.
It was a funny joke.
We ran out of time. but you get your compliment.
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah.
We have the time today?
All right, TJ, you ready to go?
Yeah, you guys should, like, stand up so I can shoot both of your faces at the same time or something.
No, just do it right now.
Just do it like this.
Do it like this.
All right, here we go.
Compliment minute.
You want me to count you down, KB?
Fine.
All right.
Three, two, one, go.
You wear your... Thank you. We'll be right back. That was really, really nice.
That was great.
What did the chat say, TJ?
Lots of Ws for that.
Lots of dubs.
Brandon?
What was the home alone point?
People enjoy you for different reasons.
Hey, TJ, the chat.
People enjoy home alone because it's funny.
Your humor spans.
It's like, the chat. We're going home alone because it's funny. Your humor spans. Oh, it's like when the whole.
Kids like it for some of the.
Other reasons.
Chat's saying there was no sound.
Oh, no.
Can we play that back?
You guys are real assholes, you know.
No, no, they're fucking with us.
They always do this.
They fuck with me. When they play it from right before they play. Remember when I used to do Doug's and you know? No, no, they're fucking with us. They always do this. They fuck with me.
When they play it from right before, remember when I used to do Doug's
and they'd be like, no sound, no sound, no sound?
That's fucked.
I've got to put this down, but there's high noon.
Finish it.
All right, here we go.
Look.
Go.
Three, two, one, go. go three two one go
you wear your oh no what the fuck did there a storm outside
oh no none of it get that back we didn't get any of it
oh brandon what a waste of good prose. That sucks.
And it was truly delightful.
Well, no one knows.
All right, that's fine.
I understand.
I got it.
Just the fact that you allowed me to hear it in the room is enough for me.
It probably felt great to hear.
The fact that I got to hear it is enough for me.
People are going to think I didn't actually do it.
Oh, I can attest you did it.
It just sucks that no one got to hear the nice things.
You said a lot of nice things.
Did you write it down last night?
On my way here.
Okay.
Figured I'd have to do this.
I told you to get your compliment minute.
I have no idea what happened with the...
That's crazy.
Must have kicked out a chord or something.
Fucking wild.
You don't need the whole world to smell your flowers.
No, I really don't.
I'm like I'm wearing beautiful sunflower socks.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, boy.
Teach them how to stunt.
Cool new shoes.
Yep, colorful Sherberts.
New shoes.
Those match Steven's hat.
I look good as fuck.
Yeah, it's fine.
So I think if we did, I think for the tank,
if somehow the holes were in the bottom on the sides,
it would naturally push it into the holes,
into the tubes,
but I don't think that would be possible to do.
You're not going to be able to get it airtight.
Also, I could buy valves.
I live across the street from a hardware store.
Sick brag.
Yeah.
So maybe I'll do,
I don't know how a valve works.
I know how a valve works,
but I don't,
I'm not like a mechanic.
Yeah, I think that that's setting yourself up to fail
even if you got the flow right
the tube itself is too big
I just love the idea of us like
hookah lounge just sitting here
what if we go one at a time
in the tank and there's like lines
like what point you have to get to
yeah
that would be good
the first person will have the least amount of backwash well no you could Like what point you have to get to. Yeah. Oh. Now that would be good.
It's like the first person will have the least amount of backwash.
Well, no, you could, if you, so we do lines and then you have to like sit underneath the tank.
Yeah.
And then you have to drink.
Oh, yeah.
And then it just becomes a chug race.
What's Quig saying?
Is Quig saying, is Quig.
Fuck, it's Quig.
How does that work in a team environment?
Because everybody's taking turns.
It's like a relay.
Yeah, everyone gets a relay.
I think it's too much alcohol.
You're timing it?
Yeah, I do too.
We would have to divide it into fourths.
We're going to be very, very drunk.
One fourth of it.
And it's live?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
I've been hating.
What if you just bought eight individual tanks?
Yes, I like that. Put them right here on your desk, and everybody had a tank. I've been hating. What if you just bought eight individual tanks?
Yes, I like that.
Put them right here on your desk and everybody had a tank.
I like that.
I could do that.
I think that's the best way to succeed at this is tiny tanks.
If we want to make sure we all have tanks.
Because that tank could fit.
Like a hermit crab tank. The only thing with that though is that we'd have to measure it out completely even for everybody.
We'd get close.
I think that's doable.
I think that's more doable than like...
Two cans each.
Yeah, definitely.
I didn't bring it in, but Pat went and bought, because he loves his stuff, some kind of pump system yesterday with a hosing where someone would have to pump it into your mouth for you.
I like that, too.
Why did he buy that, though?
I don't know.
It's for his penis.
For everyone. He's always buying's for his penis. Try everyone.
He's always buying shit for his penis.
All the time.
But that's an option, too.
I'll bring it in and see, but...
I feel like we got to be up and running tomorrow.
Yeah, we know we have to sit down.
I'll have the drinks already made.
We could involve penises, too, if we could.
Say this again.
He wants to involve penises.
Oh, oh.
Okay. I guess to involve witnesses. Oh, oh. Okay.
I guess.
Noted.
I feel like we're blowing this in front of the live studio audience.
I feel nervous.
Look at these people.
I don't think we're trying hard enough.
I didn't even realize that.
Yeah, we have a lot of studio audience.
If any of you want to come drink out of the tank, by all means.
They also have to be on the wheel.
That one in the bar still hack and fucking drink.
Yeah.
What if we got glass boots?
And we did the, like, you fill it up with glass boot, you know, the German beer haul,
and you can't let the glass boot go, like, touch the ground?
Yeah.
I don't know that.
I did buy tiny fish bowls.
You've never done that?
No.
Oh, it's so fun.
You can't do boots on the ground?
You get a... Somebody's not done that. No. Oh, it's so fun. You can't do boots on the ground? You get a...
Somebody's not liking that.
A German beer hall, you get the glass boot for your table, and you pass it around drinking it.
Oh, in my mind, you were wearing the boot.
No, you can't let it touch the table.
Oh.
It's like slap the bag.
It's like when you pass the bag of wine around, and you can't...
Yeah, you have to keep passing it until you finish the whole thing.
Yeah.
Rome, what do you think?
I feel like i'm
being a debbie downer but i'm just trying to be pragmatic in how we do it and i feel i feel bad
that i'm like poking holes in plans no no we need you for the realism i need to be realistic i think
individual tanks is way to go i think that's our best option right now outside of dunking cups and
tanks although that does take away the team aspect where you're doing it together as a yeah i really
think it should be tank and i think we should think we've got to either figure out a straw system or dump.
How big are those tanks?
Are those three-gallon or are those one-gallon?
Yeah, those are three-gallon.
We could do just yak straws.
That's too many for four people.
I have a wide array of silly straws as well that are pretty long.
If we were close enough as a group,
if each team was close enough and kind of hunched a little bit.
What about groups of two within teams? Is that
doable? So two people next to each other?
Two people next to each other?
We'd only need three tanks.
We could just do groups of two. We could just change it
completely. I'll just throw this out there.
What if we just weren't pussies about backwash?
Thank you. That would solve
everything. I'm totally fine with doing that.
How does that involve the penis?
What? What?
What?
We're not doing penises?
We'll do penises, but let's solve the first thing first.
Time out. The backwash is just
in the hose. It didn't come out of the
penis. How does that involve
the penis?
What about the penis?
What's the involvement of the penis?
I thought we were doing penises. Yeah, he said penises.
Could we hang the tanks?
Now that would rule.
That would rule.
We could hang the tanks.
I know how to hang things.
A bongzilla, but then could we put the tank up on top of it?
Oh, if we could hang.
All right, that's what we got to do.
We got to hang the tanks from the ceiling, and then we don't worry about backwash, so everyone might just get soaked in.
Nobody here can hang anything from the ceiling.
So you're saying if I had it high up enough.
You're not going to be able to hang anything from the ceiling, big cat.
Get up there and see.
You'd have to have your thumb or some apparatus on the straw the whole time that you're not drinking.
Otherwise, it's going to get all over you.
Spot the man, KB.
I'm not strong enough.
Oh, in the ceiling.
I wonder what's up there.
I'm afraid to know what's going to fall down.
That's a light.
Is that a light or a smoke alarm?
I think that might be a camera.
Oh, it's pretty.
Oh.
What if we just go string over this?
Oh, fuck.
String over this.
Yeah.
Hang it.
Hang it.
What are you affixing the string to on the...
Look at this.
The weight is going to hold.
No chance.
Look at this tank.
There's nothing to affix it to.
How heavy is three gallons?
It's three gallons.
Heavy.
Yeah, I'd say, yeah.
Should I try to hang on this?
Yes. Oh. Yeah, try to say, yeah. Should I try to hang on this? Yes.
Oh.
Yeah, try to hang.
Or like a half body weight.
Half body weight.
You have like 60 pounds of resistance.
Pick up your feet really quick and then put them back down.
Spot him.
Spot him.
Can you imagine if all this shit goes down?
This would be a big problem.
Ceiling's going to go.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That would have been awesome.
We're not going to put the tile back?
I like it.
I like it, yeah.
House, tiles.
I'm not done thinking this might work.
I think that could work.
I think that could work.
Why can't we use Brandon's big shelf?
We'll clear it off somehow.
Well.
That might be hard with the cameras, though,
if that's just in the middle of the room.
I think this is going to work.
It's not.
This is the worst idea possible.
Oh, I actually think that could work.
This one will not work.
Do we have any string?
Can you get me some string, Steven?
We can just get folding tables.
Steven, get me some string.
Yeah, I guess like two folding tables on top of one another.
Steven, get the man some fucking string.
Buy me some string and go get one of the weights from the part of my take.
What, you're going to counterbalance it?
I've got a 20-pound weight.
I'm going to see.
I'm going to test get.
Look at that tank.
Where are you tying that?
Dude, tables.
Literally right in front of you.
What?
Drill a tiny little hole.
Drill a hole in it.
Also, if you hung the thing up there, unless people had their thumbs up, it would be just
bouncing them.
I know. That would be a very funny twist. their thumbs up, it would be just bouncing them.
That would be a very funny twist.
Would it not? It would be, but how are people riffing and talking during that?
You can pinch the hose.
Yeah, pinch it.
Grab me some string and a weight.
I'm basically an engineering
student. Is that the whole point of the valve, though?
Yeah, if we got a valve, that wouldn't be a problem.
I think this is going to work. I think if we hung
how much... This is not going to work.
How much does three gallons weigh?
Can we Google that?
Google that please. With ice.
Three gallons. It's going to be ice?
Yeah, a little bit. I think 12.
Now you're talking about a really heavy tank
if you got... 24 pounds.
Alright, so...
25 pounds. That's more than I thought.
I'm going to test it.
That's like a pound of ice.
I don't know how much a pound of ice is, but-
A pound.
So will we drill holes in the top of the-
I mean, I don't know where we have a drill to drill holes to try-
I'll get us a drill.
Well, I think if we go, okay.
You're going to drill a hole in glass.
That's what you're doing?
That's not glass.
Plastic.
Plastic.
You're going to drill a hole in plastic.
No problem.
You guys just follow my vision?
I think you're trying to make arts and crafts
out of cogs and water.
I think you're trying to prove something that doesn't need to be proven.
Copping a scoop.
It was. That's fine.
What you got to do?
If you go four holes and string through,
it's even.
Even?
She's making me look like a pussy.
What's the chat saying, TJ?
Do we got any engineering students?
Are they saying that I'm a genius?
Oh, it just shoots back in.
They want Quigs, yeah.
What if I'm below?
Isn't it if you're below?
I know Quigs is a smart guy,
but why the clamor for Quicks here? Does he have experience?
He knows aerospace and gravity.
Aerospace engineer.
I thought if you stuck on something
below the line.
What if we got an enormous desk and we just
did it underneath the desk?
What?
I don't know. I'm thinking outside the box,
boys. French coat delivery guys.
I want it on the record that I'm fine with just doing backwash.
Arm in San Diego.
Backwash is totally fine for me.
Why don't you like individual tanks?
The team aspect kind of ruins it.
Well, I think Roan had something where he said, what if we just did,
I mean, we could just do teams of two,
and then you could just put the tank right here.
That's a case race.
We could use the straws.
That's a case race.
But two teams of two, and it's a swap every five minutes.
You play musical chairs.
This works fine, and the backwash part isn't from my mouth.
It's just from this bend up at the top.
Watch.
Where's your mouth water going?
Yeah, see?
It's right here in the bend.
The other part isn't the backwash.
Like, yeah, there's backwash, but it's not from my mouth hole.
Okay.
I agree with her.
Are you watching this?
What are you?
Okay.
The backwash doesn't go back in your shot in there.
He's right.
Like, get over it.
Oh, it doesn't go back in.
That's only the high noon that was already in the tank.
It's not coming from my mouth.
I think we could do this just fine.
Look at it climbing the fucking tube.
It doesn't go any higher than that.
It doesn't go any higher, yeah.
I like the idea of just being able to kick back.
I can play some type of
role since I won't be drinking.
You need me.
Yeah, we do.
I forgot I'm doing sober jam right now, too.
That means you're drinking.
Oh, no, he can't take my non-drinking spot.
Yeah, no, if two people aren't drinking, that's fine, right?
Three on three.
No, we have Taylor and Will.
Oh, shit.
That's four on four again.
That's two out, two in.
No.
There's seven of us.
We can probably get an engineer listener.
So you're not drinking?
No.
So Stephen Chay's hunting string right now.
You're drinking, Brandon.
We'll see.
We lost the live audience.
They got bored.
Oh, shit.
I don't blame them.
Ooh.
I got three shows tomorrow night.
We'll be fine. It's a lot of hours. We'll be fine.
It's a lot of hours.
I'll be stumbling onto stage.
Sounds like a lot of people want to cancel the tank race.
No.
Oh, I want to do it.
I definitely want to do it. Me and Cater just going to be spitting each other's mints.
I've been holding myself out for this.
I think you guys just scoop with cups like jungle juice.
I also bought tiny fish bowls for everyone.
You have to be alcoholic.
What if we have four dividers in there?
What about the penis?
Oh!
So you have your own little quadrant in there.
Oh!
Four plastic dividers.
That's not going to...
How am I going to find fitted?
I don't think that would be...
Tell us about the custom cut dividers.
Well, Kate bought a half circle tank.
I hope it's the cheapest.
All right.
I think we could glue dividers. Yeah. I think we could glue dividers.
Yeah, I think you could glue dividers.
Now we're going to be drinking glue.
That's what you want to do?
It would dry.
Like a bento cube.
Yeah, we could get a bento cube.
It would look like a bento cube.
I think we should just not worry about...
Ew, look at it dripping.
It's not from my mouth.
That's not backwash.
That's not backwash.
That's not being pussies.
Okay, well now it is going to be. Now that's all backwash. No, no, no. You Now that's all backwash.
You proved that that is backwash.
That's like when people that play saxophone
drain it.
I've never seen that.
It's disgusting.
I used to be in a carpet.
I was in band in high school.
The carpet would be wet underneath them.
You think Lovely Laura does that.
Who's Lovely Laura?
It's a saxist.
There's got to be a hot saxist.
Is it saxophone or trumpet?
It's all the brass.
Spit out.
It's so gross.
I could throw up thinking about it.
Steven got the rope. You guys really don't like the rope idea. I could throw up thinking about it. Steven got the rope.
You guys really don't like the rope idea.
I like the rope idea.
That's not string, that's cable.
That's even better.
Talking to the fart mic.
You look like you could jump a fucking hill
on a BMX bike right now.
He does.
This is not string, but it is some type
of cable that will be stronger
so you can test with this
and then if we need to, we can get some.
Okay, alright.
What do you want us to do?
I think people
got soured on my idea.
Sounds like you're backing out of your idea.
No, I'm down to test.
You have to drill a hole.
Go get a weight. I don't think you have faith in your idea. You have to drill a hole. You can't just fix it.
All right, go get a weight.
Go get a weight.
Guys, I think that idea is strong.
Go get a weight.
You want a bench press weight?
Or, yeah, dumbbell.
A 25-pound weight.
25 pounds.
What?
So you'd have to drill holes in the bottom.
No, in the top.
But also in the bottom for each one of the straws to go into.
Is what you're describing a weight, string up, and then that? Oh, he's just testing with the top. But also in the bottom for each one of the straws to go into. Is what you're describing a weight, string up, and then that, and they're the same?
Oh, he's just testing with the weight.
They're just going to be hanging there free?
Testing.
Testing with the weight.
Testing with the weight.
Okay, okay.
Testing with the weight.
Got it.
So the straw still goes over the top.
Yes.
So why is it up?
So that we get gravity, no backwash.
Is there a way to have the straws going into the tank?
I don't think so.
The force of liquid flowing through a tube is not just gravity.
It's still going to have some pull to it.
Oh, someone said, just put your finger over the hole of the straw,
even if it is just like this, and it won't go back in the tank.
This person keeps reading.
They're like, please, this is so simple and easy.
Wait, what are these?
Oh, that's the same thing as a valve.
Put your thumb over there. Okay, so then we're fine. Okay, then yeah, we and easy. Wait, what are these? Hold on. That's the same thing as a valve. Put your thumb over there.
Okay, so then we're fine.
Okay, then yeah, we're good.
Oh, no.
I don't want to touch the carpet.
Oh, yeah, because it won't flow back up.
Hold on.
Yeah, it'll stop it.
It'll stop the...
It won't get pushed back.
And if we catch you with your thumb off the valve backwashing,
you have to get a side drink.
Oh, look at that.
Now try and drink it again.
Yeah, how are you going to eat it?
You just got to be quick.
Ready?
I think we're good.
We're good.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
Are we good?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
This is what's going to happen.
It's going to be hilarious.
Yeah.
All right, so are we good?
Yeah, I think we're good.
No, we're fine.
Just put your finger over it and you're fine.
But I think if people are taking their finger off, they need to be penalized.
Why would you use that paper towel roll like that?
You just ruined the whole thing.
Are you drunk?
You just ruined the whole thing.
You wasted so many paper towels.
It's wasted.
It was that much drink.
But you had like 20 towels.
I want to still test this just to see if I was right.
Okay, let's just do that.
That's 25 pounds?
Yeah.
All right, I'm going to test this to give you a new spot.
We found a solution, but I want to test this just to see.
Put the rope up first.
Is that?
Yeah, you got to.
Okay, all right.
This would be crazy.
Is it possible for the whole ceiling to come down at once?
I think so, Sass.
Yeah.
I don't think he needs a spot yet, KB.
I'll hold it right there.
Okay, slowly.
Slowly.
Because you're on kind of like a weird spot.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay, slowly. Slowly. All right, let's just keep it up for a little bit.
It'll be there.
Is it bending at all?
Did it feel okay?
No, I feel like a genius right now.
We got to add that weight to the graphic.
You think that's just going to come down at any moment?
All right, so take it off.
I like this. I like it a lot.
I like looking at it.
I like, please swing it like a pendulum.
I love staring at it.
Oh.
Let me see if I can.
Oh, yeah.
Throw a penny through the hole.
You want to spin it?
Let's spin it.
Hey, go get Pete.
Go get Pete. Go get Pete.
Go get Pete.
Let's show him what we did.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
Let it hang.
It's fine.
No, is it?
It's not going to hurt anybody.
Is it going to fall?
I've never seen a dude spot a weight before.
Because those lights have to be heavy.
Come on, Kyle.
Yeah.
Hey.
No. Oh, we. Yeah. Hey. Somebody please spot that one.
No.
We got it.
I'm watching it.
Yeah, we're watching it.
We'll notice a bend.
I think the whole thing just comes down at once.
I guess we would have to test.
It would be the most viewed clip.
Let's have a trust.
Let's have a trust share where they have to sit under it.
We have to test with another one over here to make sure the whole-
We were stuck under the ceiling.
We use a different line.
Where's Pete?
Will someone sit underneath it?
Yeah, for 10 minutes, somebody has to sit there.
What the fuck?
The sword of Damocles, dude.
I think there's like a-
Uh-oh.
Why are we doing that?
Oh, yeah, see?
Brave.
Brave.
Ah!
It looks fine.
I don't...
I mean, you would.
I could see like the carabiner snapping.
I feel low-key kind of like...
It already looks like it is.
Like a cliffhanger.
Yeah, cliffhanger.
Look at that one up at the top.
I don't like...
You would be hurt.
Bad.
Yeah, yeah.
Just kill him. You just dropped her from a mountain. Oh, he's not even top. I don't like Ronan. You would be hurt. Bad. Yeah, yeah. Kill him.
You just dropped her from a mountain.
Oh, he's not even looking.
I got mad at him.
I wish you hit your back.
It's crazy.
Oh, my God.
It fixes him.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I had to savor.
You can suddenly throw a baseball a hundred miles.
Pete, I got a quick engineering question.
Come here.
He hasn't seen it yet.
Why is he on the phone?
I hung up.
I hung up.
Right here.
Pete. Uh-oh. I hung up. Right here. Pete.
Uh-oh.
Quick engineering question.
Is this safe?
Is this safe?
I don't know.
Well, I just hung this 25-pound weight from the ceiling.
We're going to do that with a big tank.
A big tank?
We're going to tank.
I forgot how to do this.
I'm Frank.
Help us.
You're smart.
Talk in the mic and help us.
This one?
Yeah.
Also the.
No, don't say it.
We want to find a way to make these tubes.
We want to drink out of these tubes.
I love the weight.
Just the feng shui in this room.
It's just dirty.
Yeah, just danger in the room.
That looks fine.
Okay.
Stephen Che was worried.
It'll only get lighter as time goes on.
That's true.
Good point, KB.
Who got the safety chains?
Stephen Che.
Stephen Che.
No, this was my idea, though.
Weight or the chains?
No, the whole thing.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you are signing off.
No.
No, that says it's not me. I'm not an engineer.
No, but you're signing off.
You did say you were all positive about it
when you looked up at it the first time.
I don't know. We have to check the table.
We're going to have to hang another one over here.
We're going to have to hang a second one.
You wanted to hang this
and then get straws.
These are the straws.
Yeah.
I'm back in on this. Yeah. And everybody drink up. Yeah.
I'm back in on this.
I'm so in on this.
This is by far the funniest.
I'm so in on this.
Yeah, I love it.
Having two tanks hanging?
So what we need is four of these things,
and we can just hang it from two different beams
so it would divide the weight of how heavy it was.
Right.
And then we could just draw it down to our mouth.
There's got to be a penalty though if somebody spills.
Is there a drill in the office anywhere?
I think there's a drill.
What do you think, Pete?
Yeah, 25.
Three gallons is 25.
It'll be full with a little ice.
So like 26, 27.
And there's going to be four holes
so it will be even.
So it's not going to be, it'll be dispersed.
What?
We'll hang it on a different one over here.
Yep.
Do we have a bunch of those metal things though?
Yeah.
Oh, we do.
Oh.
We need the control room.
So we're good to go.
For that.
But yeah.
So what if we got a small wooden board?
Talk in the mic.
It's about how we get that up and stable?
How do you secure that?
I didn't even think about this.
Do you think the tank is plastic? Do you think it could break?
Yeah.
Do you think the tank could be the one that breaks?
No, if we drill the holes at the right spot.
You want to drill the holes in the tank?
The tank's support being held suspended.
Yeah. If you drill four holes, what do you think?
That would be crazy if the tank fell.
That's a risk we take.
That's the danger of this.
I want danger.
If you're going to drill a tank, I would probably drill a hole and put like a dowel through it.
The other thing is if you have two-point anchor, you distribute
that weight.
So we put a metal stick
through it.
Yes.
Oh.
Oh, so you only have to do
two holes, not four.
Not four in this case, but you've got to get something to go
through, and then you've got to
suspend it for two points. Oh, great job, Pete.
Will you do that for us?
Pete, will you do that?
I won't.
But you signed off on all of it, so that's all we needed.
Yeah, no, you signed off.
You're telling us how to do it.
Talking to his friends.
I'm not suggesting you do this.
Right.
I think you telling us how to do it is signing off.
Right.
No, of course not.
Official Pete, all business Pete, sign off.
Denied. All business Pete, signing off. Right. No, of course not. Official Pete, all business Pete sign off. Denied.
All business Pete signing off.
Denied.
Hey, Pete.
That was the fart mic.
Oh, you're good.
Okay.
Pete, are you having a good day?
Can you just say in the mic?
It's been fine.
Did you eat lunch?
Not yet. Did you eat lunch? Not yet.
Did you eat breakfast?
Yes.
Okay, so that's all we needed.
Yes.
So, TJ, make sure you cut that up.
When I say official Pete sign-off, we'll have him saying yes,
and we'll just put that together and send it to Eric.
That was one of the more obvious things of all time.
I can't believe you didn't pick up on it.
I'm standing in a different spot.
I won't look right. No, no, no. Standing in a different spot. It won't look right.
No, no, no.
It will look fine.
No, it will just be that clip.
Most of our viewers.
Can we get someone on that, please?
Connor, Garrett.
Just me asking the question.
Do we have the official Pete sign-off?
And then, here, I'll do my, I'll do it.
I think we should try.
Hold on.
Hold on.
We got a clean cut.
Okay.
Pete, are you officially signing off on us suspending two tanks from the ceiling,
and if anything happens, you will take full responsibility?
Perfect.
And we'll have that clip.
I think we should try and figure this out right now.
Pete, you're sure?
Okay, man.
There we go.
Make that clip.
We'll just have that in our back pocket.
How did he not realize what I was doing?
Pete, would you be willing to stake your whole life and career on this?
All right.
Okay.
I wouldn't have done that.
Sheesh.
Is it true that you can't cum anymore?
Okay.
Maybe we could splice in Brandon's what about the penis.
I just like having this weight There's something calming about it
Yes it has a gravity to it
It feels Asian kind of
It feels Japanese or something
Why?
So we'll suspend him
Can you be Japanese reacting to that?
No
Please man
So sorry
I think we should figure this out right now Japanese reacting to that? No. Please? Please, man? So sorry.
I think we should figure this out right now.
I think we should try
and suspend one of them.
We already figured it out.
Because time out.
We haven't drilled the holes
or the holes
put in the straws.
I'm not worried about it.
And then the thing is
this is also liquid.
It's just going to leak.
How are the straws
going to stay in?
Yeah, this is not
a very well-made tank,
probably.
No, you guys are being negative.
If we don't do it now, we're going to get to tomorrow.
Okay, who's got a drill then? We've got to find one.
Our backup will just be
backwash.
Dude, this is going to rule.
I'm going to tape the hoses in.
Also, two pictures. The tanks are going to be blue
with Swedish fish and a bunch of nerds in them.
Let's make a list of things we need then.
Two of them just fucking hanging here is going to rule.
Yeah, it's going to rule.
Beach balls and palm tree background.
I think we let Taylor and Will be team captains and they pick their teams.
Okay.
I think that's a fair way to do it.
And Steven, it looks like you're going to be drinking.
For Taylor?
No, for Brandon and KB are not participating.
So Brandon will stand in your seat.
KB will stay maybe here in the middle.
What are we drinking out of it?
Do we know?
What's the liquid that we're drinking?
Are we drinking high noon?
No, it's liquor.
Lady Yakker sent me a recipe, a perfect recipe with the exact amounts.
Are you going to be up all night working on this shit?
Yes. We have to, because, again, with four people per team,
the appropriate amount of liquid was one gallon.
If those are three gallon tanks, that is a massive difference.
Oh, I didn't even think about the fact we're not going to be filling the tanks all the way.
Well, we'll fill them most of the way.
Most of the way.
Oh, a third.
Again, there's going to be ice,
Swedish fish, Skittles, nerds.
That's a lot of weight. We've got to be careful.
That's a lot of weight.
Should we add weight to this?
Yeah, we've got to.
We do need to hang a second.
We don't have more cable right now.
What do you mean right now?
I just got all the cable that is available right now.
All we have to do is get another weight and re-cable it.
You want to put more on that one?
That's what they said.
Or just get a 10.
Do you guys have 10-pound weights?
I think just throw a 10-pound on.
I think that's the heaviest it'll be.
That is the heaviest it's going to be.
We're going to be fine.
Because we don't have to fill it all the way up to the top.
We'll be fine.
I still want him to go get another weight.
I want the ceiling to come down. I hope it comes down in the up to the top. We'll be fine. I still want him to go get another weight. I want the ceiling to come down.
I hope it comes down in the middle
of the race. Yeah. Because that would be
such a disaster for this entire room.
I like that video of the people dancing to Chief
Keef and the whole ceiling. Yeah.
It will be the funniest yak
ever. All the lights.
The lights, yeah. Look, the lights
are hanging from the ceiling, are they not?
Those are heavy.
They're fixed.
They're not really hanging.
So it's all one grid.
Surprisingly heavy, too.
Probably 50 pounds.
All the weight on all the ceiling is, like, hinging on the same max capacity.
So if it comes down, the whole ceiling's coming down?
All of the lights would come down.
Where's the grid?
It's the metal thing that you wrap this cord around.
Oh, okay, so that's holding it.
I need that. Right. It's also holding thing that you wrap this cord around. Oh, okay, so that's holding it. I need that.
Right.
It's also holding all the lights.
Yeah, so what?
A couple lights?
I don't care.
I'm just saying.
This is going to be so cool.
I mean, I think if the ceiling starts coming down,
all you've got to do is you've just got to stand directly
in the center of one of the squares.
Yeah, like a silent movie when a barn wall falls on you.
Do we wear hard hats?
We'll go straight through it. Maybe we get hard hats. Yes. Yeah, like a silent movie when a barn wall falls on you. We'll go straight through it.
Maybe we get hard hats.
Yeah, hard hats would work.
Hawaiian shirts and hard hats.
Why does that sound like a frat party?
Alright, I'll get Spider to get us
like eight hard hats just in case.
Yeah, let's make a list of everything we need.
We need a drill. We need
four cables.
Two...
This is really becoming an event.
It's a tank race.
Also, tropical hors d'oeuvres, but what is that?
Should those be hung?
Should those be hung, too?
We should hang a pig that we shave
meat off of.
Alright.
Drill, nine hard hats,
cable.
Are we dumb guys?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think it's dumb to think that we're going to come in here tomorrow and just like drill away.
No, you're right.
Oh, we're going to have it set.
By who?
I don't know.
I'll fucking do it.
I'll fucking do it.
Steven said he had the drill.
Step up and do it.
We have a drill here.
I can bring a drill.
We have a drill here.
I mean, do you have a dowel right now?
I don't, but I think wait until tomorrow is going to be risky.
I'm not going to wait.
You're going to go back to your desk and sit there hunched over.
I'm going to do this.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to have to assemble the drink when it's hung.
Yes.
Because there's no way we'll be able to hang it.
No, no, no.
We got to raise it up because that raises the chance of us spilling all over ourselves.
Right, right.
No, we're going to hang it to start the show.
I think you should bring enough ingredients to expect two full tank spills.
Four full tanks of shit.
This studio will be destroyed.
Destroyed.
Destroyed.
Can we lay down?
We'll get kiddie pools and put them underneath where the tank hangs.
And then if you spill anything, you can just drink it out of the kiddie pool.
I think it's more fun to fly without a net, though.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree.
And, again, if it falls, it falls.
What's going to happen?
Ceiling or the tank?
Everything.
I'll have a light right over me.
That's where we're going to get hard hats.
A bunch of electric wires falling into two big vats of alcohol.
One big grid.
You guys are starting to sound like pussies again.
I feel like I'm the only one.
I'm for it.
I'm signing off.
I think we got to this point by just simply being pussies about backwash.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
If we had just accepted the backwash, we would have a plan
already. Are we back on the backwash?
Think of the visual. Think of the visual of two
hanging tanks.
It's an incredible feat.
And you have to
finish it. And that's the other thing.
Like KB pointed out, it's going to get lighter.
Yes. It is.
So we're pretty much
drinking to save our lives.
I love that. Yes, there's
an element of danger in the tank race.
Yeah, I love that. You need to chug right off
the bat or there's a chance the ceiling comes down.
Correct! Strong chance.
After 30 minutes, if you haven't passed
the middle line, the 25
pound weight gets hung underneath
your tank where you're sitting.
You have to take your hard hat off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean,
I'm ready.
Sounds simple.
Yeah.
Simple and easy fun thing.
It'd be a great show.
Look at Pete.
Fuck me.
The ceiling came down while we were live on the act.
It'd be so good.
So funny.
Oh,
God,
it'd be so funny. So funny. I got it. It would be so funny.
So funny.
So funny.
It's covered in liquid.
Before you finally move to Chicago,
do you plan to destroy this place?
We should.
We should just break room this entire room, yeah.
Shatter the glass.
No one else gets to use it.
We're getting close.
We almost shattered the glass yesterday.
Obviously, we have tendencies showing
We are on our destructive shit right now
Yeah I like it
I do too
Season 10
Feels good
Season 10 just
Just break shit
TJ do we have more of these chairs?
What are you gonna do with the chair?
Not those ones specifically
But we could
No we need
We need one more
We need two more mics tomorrow?
Yeah Oh yeah we need one more. We need two more mics tomorrow? Oh, yeah, we need two.
That's impossible.
Oh, no, we have eight mics.
So KB and Brandon will be in there.
Okay.
Yeah.
You guys will be in there.
What are we doing?
Play-by-play and color commentary?
Yeah.
We'll be drinking for our lives.
What if KB breaks sobriety before tomorrow
Do we have a contingency plan
Yeah he's in
He's out
Whatever he does I'm doing
Oh shit
Well then
Now the numbers are off again
No if you add one
You gotta add two right
Then the mics are fucked
How did we do the case race
With so many people
We just added one extra person
Both times
Well I sat out
Yeah
Oh okay
Should we I wanna I wanna pick the teams now many people. We just had one extra person both times. Well, I sat out. Yeah. Oh, okay.
Should we... I want to pick the teams now. I want to have Taylor and Will
pick now. Yeah.
I just want to know so I can strategize.
Can we FaceTime them in?
Yeah, you want to send me
either... I'll send them a Zoom link.
Text them and tell them we're sending them a Zoom.
They're always together, right?
Yeah.
Like Bert and Ernie.
You and Caleb.
Yeah, like me and Caleb.
Unseparable.
Inside baseball for the folks?
I want to do the Pizza Hut ad.
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What were you saying, Brandon?
They're delicious. They have the meat lovers,
the veggie, the pepperoni, and the buffalo
chicken.
Peppers, veggie, pepperoni, and buffalo.
Damn, that does sound good as hell.
So is there pepperoni in the meat lovers?
There is pepperoni in the meat lovers. Yes. Okay, that does sound good as hell. So is there pepperoni in the meat lovers? There is pepperoni in the meat lovers.
Yes.
Okay, now quick.
What's up, brother?
You should also ask Jersey Jerry if he signs off
as a blue-collar worker.
We're trying to figure out a way to
do this
tank race, and we're trying
to drink through these tubes. It seemed like there was
maybe some backwash. We were trying to avoid the backwash, and we're trying to drink through these tubes. It seemed like there was maybe some backwash.
We were trying to avoid the backwash and we're considering hanging these from
the ceiling.
And what we would do is drill from right now,
two holes in each of them and suspend each one from a cable.
Yeah.
On the ceiling with,
I guess four tubes going over the top,
even though I do think it'd be better if we could put them in the side.
I don't think that's going to work.
Through the bottom, but that probably would be impossible.
So we're looking for what you think it needs from an engineering, a mechanical engineering standpoint.
Do they teach you this in engineering school?
A little bit.
I mean, you do.
You would want it, like like above your head yeah having a yeah you have to do a lot more work to get it up out of the thing but see this i see that
pretty good genius right yeah teach you that in engineering school no i'm so what are you asking me if you should
hang it from the ceiling or not? Or like
what we need to do to secure a good build
on this one. And like minimize
the splash forward and the
backwash from the
tubes. Because we'll each, like ideally
it'll be like a hookah. We're all sitting with the pipe.
I was going to say, have you ever seen the
if you had like the
you know the beer bongs that have the I think if you had something like that, you can valve it on and off and
it's just always there.
Pete said we also got to put a dowel through the top and then hang the string off that
so it's, it's centered.
Does that make sense?
Like we're putting, so it's going to be a single fishbowl.
Oh, we're doing two.
It's going to be two of these.
We're going to put a rod right here, and then we hang it like that.
To distribute the weight.
Any thoughts, Jerry?
I mean, I don't know.
You don't seem impressed with that idea.
You don't think that's necessary?
I just think that's overdoing it.
You don't need to try.
Oh, wow.
He's saying we're too safe.
I mean, you could just have something that gets it up high.
Like, you stack two of those.
Oh, you're saying.
No, no, no.
We want to hang it for the whole guy.
No, no, no.
Looks cool.
Just put a dowel through it.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Jerry, we brought you in because you're a blue-collar union worker.
Is this to code?
No.
What?
Let me see.
I just sat underneath it.
Look, like, give it a little touch. Don't pull on it Give it a little touch.
Don't pull on it.
Just a little touch.
It's pretty sturdy, right?
Oh, that was quite a touch.
What's OSHA thinking?
Yeah, what do you think?
What are the odds that the whole ceiling comes down?
Zero.
Zero.
Okay, I like that.
You said zero.
I don't think that's right.
Said zero.
I don't think it's ever a zero percent chance.
Jerry, picture two of those.
Yeah, we're going to do seven.
It would be over there.
It would be over there.
The weight would be distributed.
Good?
Oh, I said we're good.
All right.
Oh.
Good.
We're getting the green light from everyone.
Where are the lights anchored, TJ?
Because that also, if there's another, hold on, let me see.
There might be another.
There's a loose anchor right there, like with no light attached.
Oh, we just have an anchor already there?
Right there, though.
Right above Jerry.
Oh, that.
That's an anchor.
Oh, yeah.
These are going to be fine.
These are all hanging.
These are hanging.
Yeah, we're good.
We're good.
I'm feeling more and more confident.
Thank you, boys.
Appreciate it.
All right, so that means that we've gotten a sign-off from Pete, Quiggs, and Jerry.
Three people.
I think that is officially a go launch.
That would have blown my mind.
I like how –
Oh, wow.
Shit.
That was – well.
Now I get to swing it.
He gets you.
His 9-11 expertise came in.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
It's relaxing.
Oh, I like the way it rolls and rolls.
Now let's move.
Rolex.
Oh, it's, ooh.
What?
Oh, it's vibrating.
Yeah, it is. Oh, that's about to fall down. Oh, God, it is. There's a. Vibrating. Yeah, it is.
Oh, that's about to fall down.
Oh, God, it is.
There's a bend to it now.
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Is it bending?
Yeah.
Okay.
So as long as the liquid tanks we're all sucking out of don't move.
Wait, wait, wait.
What if we put it...
What if we put it like here?
Yeah, across diagonal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I think it here? Yeah, cross-diagonally.
So much smarter.
This has become the safest thing
we've ever done.
We're becoming genius engineers.
I know, this is the engineering episode.
At the cross points.
I'm sure there's an engineering student that's watching this right now
being like, these guys are morons, but I don't think we are.
I think they're texting their professors
being like, you need to tune into this. This is groundbreaking.
Yeah exactly.
Something is happening
right now.
This is going to be
like a new decor trend.
Yeah exactly.
That's cool.
That is cool.
Hanging weight.
Hanging weight.
That's art.
Yeah that's sick.
You could go into
a modern art museum
and it'd be like
hanging weight.
Glennie Balls could put
a sex swing in here
for his only girls.
Oh yeah.
Think about that.
No. No, I will not.
Lenny on the
sex swing? I'm thinking about it right now.
He's just swinging and then his
dick goes in and then he swings out and his
dick goes in like that.
Good accuracy.
Imagine just missing
though by like a quarter of an inch.
Dick just snaps.
Damn finger, yeah.
Damn dick.
That happens.
We should do the hanging wedgie like this.
Yes, we should.
Oh, we should have.
Yeah.
Steven.
I think Steven owes us one.
A hanging wedgie from the ceiling.
We just dropped him.
I want to be very clear.
I wanted to do something like this, but we wanted to rush it and do it like that
so I played play ball
you text me the link TJ
it does feel a little bit like hanging wedgie
we're going to get a crane
we're going to hang Che from a crane
tomorrow's going to be a disaster
I actually think this will work
I got a problem
if we can successfully
you're going to need more hose
it's not going to be able to stay up in there
do people who work construction
like Home Depot probably has a shit ton
of that right?
I'll give you my card, go get everything
Home Depot probably has a hanging tank
pre-made
you have a hanging tank section?
Yeah.
I'm going to try and get valves and more tubing.
I don't think valves are necessary.
No? Okay.
I think it's funnier to have to deal with the fact.
Use your finger. Okay.
I'm bringing in my own valve.
No, you can't do valves. No valves.
Ask the employee at Home Depot.
Maybe even film it.
Just be like, hey, we're doing it too.
See what they have to say.
I will just do a quick scan of the room to explain this.
Tanks.
Try to hang from the ceiling and drink out of these.
All right, TJ, spin a wheel with Taylor,
and we'll decide who gets first pick.
I don't think we're paying enough attention to the fact that he threw that paper airplane.
Perfect.
I'll give each of you 20 tries.
If you get one, I'll take all my clothes off besides my underwear.
It seems like a win-win.
We all get 20 tries?
Yeah.
All right, yeah, yeah.
Go on.
Who's going first?
How did you do this?
I fold perfect airplanes.
I think that you're –
Yeah, Ron throws 10 airplanes a day.
20 throws?
I fold darts.
Wait, wait.
All right, that's one.
It's going to happen, man.
We need a plane retriever.
That's 120 chances.
You did it on the second.
Fuck.
No, I was just trying to.
Yeah, I was doing that shit.
So we need a retriever.
We need a stack.
We need a reamer.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
I'll make you a freshie.
I got you, bro.
Let me fold the airplanes, dude.
Oh, that wasn't...
Wasted a chance.
That was three.
Throw the ball through.
What?
Why not?
He did.
He makes the rules.
Are Taylor and Will on the line?
They're calling in in a sec.
You're just throwing a ball.
That's not the same thing.
Hey, Rowan, you hit it.
You're going to hit it in the first try.
You're going to have to get naked.
No, I'm not.
Boys.
Hey.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, both of them.
Okay.
Come on, they're getting you set up.
Players, that's Will Compton.
He's injured right now.
Can you guys see the weight that we have hanging from the ceiling right now?
It's right over KB's head.
See that?
Yes.
That's how we're hanging the tanks tomorrow.
We're going to hang two tanks from the ceiling.
I love that.
Yeah.
We brought an engineer, a construction guy, and a scientist.
And we're ready to go.
So you guys are going to draft your teams.
It's teams of four.
I sent you the list of people you can draft.
And, yeah, let's draft so that way tomorrow when you get here we
all know what the teams are also make sure you dress it's a tropical themed right yak so if you
have a some type of something from hawaiian hawaiian sure yeah yeah make sure you bring that
we got you okay we'll come prepared all right so, TJ, spin the wheel to see who gets first pick.
It's big.
I'm a little nervous.
I got goosebumps right now. Just between.
Dude, I got the same thing.
I got butterflies in the tummy.
Taylor and Will.
And just so we're clear, what I said the other day, how I got a text message from one of the boys.
It seemed like they didn't really want to do this,
but I'm not going to say who.
You said who it wasn't.
It's not Will.
Will was not the one who texted.
Oh, dude, it wasn't that.
I was down for, I was so excited for a case race,
because beer's beer.
But when he started saying tankers,
I don't know what's in the tank.
Oh, it's everything.
Is it jungle juice?
Like college themed? Yeah.
Would it be illegal to roofie
ourselves? No, not at all.
That would be funny.
So who gets a draft?
Let's draft. Alright, we're spinning
it.
Will's got a bacchiotomy.
Yeah, I got a car break
appointment. Heavy squats. He car break. Heavy squats.
He got me.
Heavy squats.
Heavy.
First pick goes to?
Will. Will gets the first pick of the draft.
Let's go.
Should it be Snake?
Snake.
Okay.
Snake.
Snake.
Snake.
So you get, Will, you can either go first.
No.
Yes, you can choose.
You can choose.
You can either go first, and the second person gets two picks,
and then the third person gets two picks,
and then the last person in the draft.
I'll go second.
Who do you think the weakest link is?
You've done your homework, Willie.
Okay.
So, Taylor, you have the first pick.
I sent you guys a list.
There's six people you can pick from. Okay, so based on you have the first pick. I sent you guys a list. There's six people you can pick from.
Okay, so based on my experiences with said individuals on the list,
I've seen this man booze, and I've seen him booze hard and keep coherent.
I'm going to go with Roan for my first overall pick.
Wow.
I love that.
That might have been a bad pick, but I really appreciate it.
Let's fucking go, dude.
We're going to keep it together. We're going to fucking – I appreciate it. Let's fucking go, dude. We're going to keep it together.
We're going to fucking – I love it.
So Roan keeps his composure because he doesn't drink.
I don't even know – who is our best boozer?
Big Cat probably.
Hey, so my picks – can you guys hear me?
Yeah, yeah.
My picks are going to be – my first overall pick for my team is going to be,
you know I'm loyal to the boys, Nick.
Nick is going to be.
Nice.
Yes.
My second pick, Big Cat, BC.
The Vibes are going to be a high-end team.
Okay.
All right.
That's good.
I love it.
I love it.
It's kind of fucked up that you didn't make me your first pick,
but that's I love it.
I know.
I love it.
I'm not hurt.
I love it.
I love it.
But wait. Taylor, you were drafted, 11th 11th overall yes and will you
were drafted uh guys deep down there somewhere i don't know like below mr unirrelevant yeah
if melvin gordon didn't put a 500 piece you, you probably would have gone to the combine, right? That's a good teammate you picked, Will.
Big bet?
I told you in Arizona that the Wisconsin shit was one of my, like,
legitimate kryptonites.
I told you that in confidence.
Taylor, watch our team crumble.
Look at our team crumble right now.
What I'm doing right now, Will,
is I'm letting them know all of our weaknesses,
and we have no weaknesses.
Looks like you have a lot.
You're right.
No.
You're right.
We're open. All right. So, Taylor, you have two picks. Looks like you have a lot. You're right. No. You're right. We're open.
All right.
So, Taylor, you have two picks.
Thank you, Will.
I've been picked?
You've not been picked.
Fuck.
Okay.
So, my next pick is going to be somebody that I've seen the passion come out of them when
there's competition with them.
I've seen the way they've came at people.
I'm not participating.
I'm not participating.
They handle themselves.
Okay. Even Shay is my next pick.
Love it.
Let's go.
And then you have one more pick,
and this is just brutal for Kate or Sass
because that means they're just not picked.
Right, right, right.
I think the world we live in right now,
the world we live in right now,
equal opportunity.
I'm going Kate for my next pick.
All right.
Yay.
Taylor.
Don't let me down, girl.
Don't let me down.
Taylor, that was maybe the steal of the draft because Kate can booze.
Correct.
She should have been an early pick.
She should have absolutely been an early pick.
All right, so, Will, do you have a last pick?
I'll just sit this out.
Two of the great CIS race teams
coming together, it's going to be
fucked through.
Chemistry. What is the teams? EU, Nick, and
Will.
I think it's a good matchup.
Alright, boys, so we'll see you tomorrow.
We will wait till you arrive
to hoist the
tanks up to the ceiling and then we will
start the tank race.
Yes, sir.
Love you, boys.
Hey, rest.
Nick, get some sleep, brother.
I will.
I will.
I'll leave right after this.
All right.
Okay.
See you guys tomorrow.
See you, boys.
All right.
Those are good teams.
Yeah.
Those are great teams.
Wait, what's our team again?
It's me.
No, it's Kate, Roan, Che, Taylor.
No.
Yes.
Yeah.
Versus me, Nick, Sass, and Will.
I missed it again.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Those are great teams.
Yeah.
Okay.
You still don't know the teams, do you?
No.
Okay.
I got you, Roan.
I texted them in the group.
Oh, great.
I feel like one of these teams is way better than the other, but I won't say.
I also have another thought.
Oh!
Teased.
The recipe that her name is Ashley.
Shout out, Ashley, who came up with the mermaid juice.
It's very carbonated, I think, so I'm going to have to come up with another one.
That's tough.
Belchy.
I like carbonated, especially if it's hard alcohol.
But for chugging?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'll be good.
We'll find a middle ground.
I had a twist.
I had a twist.
I think, and you guys can tell me this is stupid, play it out, whatever.
I think losing team has to play Fart Eliminator for the show to end.
Yeah.
That's perfectly fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Should be pretty easy.
Yeah, if you lose, everyone on that team has to fart.
But then, yeah.
Should you also have to eat the candy?
And the people who aren't playing have to play Fart Eliminator, too.
Absolutely.
Yes, that's Ronan.
We're not really involved.
FM radio.
Yeah.
Fart mic radio.
End it out.
You're not going to get this.
Well, everybody gets a chance, and I've only thrown four times. You're not going to get this What's the piss timeout rule?
Same as case race?
I feel like the piss won't be as big of an issue Because you're drinking less liquid
Yeah
I have just a thought.
Sure.
Well, we record the case race just in case something happens
or something is said that needs to be taken out.
This is all flying without a net tomorrow?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
But I'm not drinking.
TJ's not drinking, and he can cut it at any point.
What are we going to do?
I'm going to say right now we we're not going to get as.
Catch up or something?
Catch up?
No, we're going to catch up.
Catch up, yeah.
Oh, just chat.
It's been too long since me and you had one of those nights.
You're like a younger uncle or older cousin to me.
I think you two have to be on a team, one of the two teams, and have to do something else.
Yeah.
Build a Rubik's Cube.
I would like any challenge.
I'm going to go buy two Lego sets tomorrow.
No, not hand stuff. No, I can't use my hand. I'm going to go buy two Lego sets tomorrow. No, not hand stuff.
No, I can't use my hand.
I know that.
You want to eat something?
Should they have to eat the candy in the tanks then?
I won't overdo it, but there will be a good amount of...
Those will be fully absorbed in alcohol.
Yeah, well, yeah.
That's true.
Good point.
Bunch of wet nerves.
I've got to be honest with you on this.
A little bit of a disappointing performance. What shot are you on? I thought you were going to wet nerves. I got to be honest with you. This is a little bit of a disappointing performance.
What shot are you on?
I thought you were going to hit this.
I know.
But wait, what's something that they could do that would benefit their team?
Like if they were on a team still?
We weren't originally assigned?
I don't know.
If anyone has ideas.
I mean, I think there will be a lot of drinking.
They can be talking into the mic.
Yeah, we'll talk.
Yeah.
So talk it out.
Nobody talks more than me and Kyle.
Almost never outside of the workplace.
And inside.
TJ, you want to spin the real wheel?
We text occasionally.
Yeah.
Whenever I have a geography question. it's been a while how do we
get tank race anyway it was on my wheel it was on your wheel it was started out as fishbowl friday
i just wanted to have a tropical should we take compliment minute off because it's been used yeah
yeah yeah festivus wheel get out we're on throat through the goddamn hole, man.
I want to see Kyle's naked body.
Set a reminder for a compliment minute.
Let's say let's put it back on the wheel in three months.
Enough will have passed.
Compliment each other again.
You did that on purpose.
This is something.
Name wheel?
Name wheel.
I'd like to make an ad to mine.
Do I do that now?
Sure.
I'm going to add silent library to my wheel.
Nice.
What does that mean?
Wait, do we lose things off the wheel?
Like if it lands on something on your wheel?
I think your wheel is yours to do with, right?
You can do whatever.
I want Wikipedia's revenge on mine.
It gets worse.
Didn't you already choose that as one of yours?
It was chosen.
What was that?
You had to play the Wikipedia game while holding a wick in between your fingers
and you had to get to a certain thing before it burnt your hands.
That was Chosen?
You were in North Carolina.
Oh, I missed that?
Yeah.
Oh.
Thanks for watching.
How fast do you think we're going to finish this?
I think it's going to be quick.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I can't drink hard alcohol.
I think it might take like 20 minutes.
How much is the amount of liquor?
I've been trying to figure this out.
There are three gallon tanks.
Ashley, her whole job for a living is she makes up recipes,
like drink recipes and stuff.
She gave me this recipe for mermaid juice for each three gallon tank.
I have to go through it, but it's like a good amount of
liquor.
What kind of liquor?
Hold on. If there's any gin in it, I'm out.
We'll figure it out. I'm not worried
about the recipe. I'm not worried about the recipe.
I'm worried about myself.
There's eight people?
Yes.
Yeah, we're fine. Anything more than two bottles is a lot of liquor for you. Yeah, we're fine.
I mean, anything more than two bottles is a lot of liquor for you.
Yeah, no, it won't be that much.
Or four people.
It'll be probably a bottle of a tank.
A bottle of a tank, we're finishing in 20 minutes.
Well, no, there's other stuff in it.
A bottle of a tank is...
A bottle of a tank, we're finishing in 20 minutes.
Okay.
That's two tanks.
That's a quarter of a bottle for each of you. It's kind of a lot. A quarter of tank, we're finishing in 20 minutes. Okay. That's two tanks. That's a quarter of a bottle for each of you.
It's kind of a lot.
A quarter of a handle or a fifth?
A handle.
That's a lot.
Okay, so each tank would have...
I mean, but even like a quarter of a fifth is...
A good amount.
Oh, this is where she gets us.
That's what I thought it was,
but a quarter of a fifth, you could drink pretty fast.
That's just like four shots.
Each tank would have this.
Hear me out.
Two and three-fourths cups blue curacao, one and a half cups Midori,
five and two-thirds bottles of Prosecco.
That's where it'll get you.
That's a lot of champagne.
Or maybe this is for both.
We're making our own recipe.
Yeah.
Okay.
Throw that out.
I think we follow a recipe, honestly.
I can make it.
I like this one.
The Drunken Mermaid, though.
I think you guys should both follow a recipe, honestly. I can make it. I like this one. The Drunken Mermaid now. I think you guys should both make a recipe,
and we should blind taste test it to see if you guys have a better recipe.
I'm feeling like out-of-body nerves right now.
What?
I don't think I can handle another blackout on camera.
Oh, man.
This one's not recorded.
We're not going to blackout.
We might blackout.
Zaz is such a pussy.
You don't want to black out?
I'd rather people call me a pussy than face the ridicule I faced for six months after the last.
If I were on a team, I'd rather be on Taylor's team because I bet he's going to really.
I don't know.
Will's?
He's going to take out his little cock.
Yeah.
Will can chug too.
That cock comes out.
That's where the penis is involved.
Yes, that's his little tongue. Forever? That's where the penis is involved Forever
It's not a penis
Drinking a lot of liquor isn't like a masculine thing
Like beer
It takes a different type of person
It's how you're wired
You're right
You're absolutely right
Binge drinking liquor is more
It's not
Bravado It's not bravado.
It's not.
It's physiological.
What time are we doing this?
One?
Yes.
You're so nervous.
I'm just nervous about a lot of things.
It's a team game.
Yeah, it's true.
You're not going to be judged on that be judged on glad he's not on our team
we don't need it we have no room for that kind of nerves on our team no i'm nervous because i know
i'm gonna drink a shit ton of it thinking it's like because i don't drink hard alcohol so i
think it's the same as beer stop worrying step up here's five i still get dms from people being
like just watch the second case race. I hate you.
It's been like a year.
He's going to get it this throw.
Fuck.
I'm not even getting close. You weren't close. You weren't even close. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm not even getting close.
You weren't close.
You weren't even close.
But, Sass, the difference is that, and, like, I sound annoying saying it,
but my whole intention for just the fish tank Friday was just,
it's cold in the winter, bright, sunny, tropical.
It's going to be fun.
Happy mood.
Now you wrote it down. Something fun.
It'll be good.
Oh, no, it's definitely going to be a lot of fun.
The intent is happiness.
The day after is going to be when it's not fun.
Just relax.
You'll be fine.
Don't even drink.
I'll carry you.
I'm definitely going to drink.
I'm used to carrying you in these things.
Bro.
I wonder who's going to fight tomorrow.
I don't think it's going to be as aggressive as a case race. Pete, are you officially signing off on us suspending two tanks from the ceiling?
Yeah.
And if anything happens, you will take full responsibility.
Yes.
Oh, wow.
We're going to figure this out right now.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh.
Pete, would you be willing to stake your whole life and career on this? Yes. All right. Yes. Oh. Would you be willing to stake your whole life and career on this?
Yes.
All right.
Okay.
Is it true that you can't cum anymore?
Yes.
Okay.
Why is it so believable?
Yeah, I believe.
Man, we got that technology.
Yeah.
All right, Brandon's up.
Where are you going?
Somebody suggested Brandon and KB could race to eat a full Hawaiian pizza.
Oh, yes.
You guys in for that?
I would like to face Brandon in a food challenge.
Hawaiian pizza, Brandon.
Five in the chamber is bogus.
Oh, geez.
How is it bogus?
It's one at a time.
Maybe you might have won this.
Old school shit.
All right, spin the name wheel.
Yeah.
Let's see who we got.
Straighten out the tip of each one.
Straighten the tip before you throw it.
And tuck it in, bro.
Tuck what in?
The top of the plane.
You missed, too.
Oh, name wheel.
Shit, I forgot.
Is this the correct number of names, chat?
Yes.
Oh, chat.
Jerry?
No Jerry?
Jerry has a wheel.
I don't know.
You can leave.
All right, I'll say this.
If Jerry gets his wheel, we'll spin a second wheel for another name.
But Jerry should get a chance because Jerry's wheel is just I give him $1,000
or he gives me a bottle of cologne.
So if it hits Jerry, we'll spin that, but then we'll still do another one.
Okay.
All right.
Oh.
Okay, B. You remember what's on your phone? Oh, KB.
You remember what's on your phone?
See what it is.
I have no idea.
Okay, bingo.
KB photo shoot.
Salad bowl.
100%
$100 speed run.
Barter Blitz. Barter Blitz.
Barter Blitz Craigslist Cruiser.
Do you know any of these?
I think a few.
Do you want to say what some of these are?
Spin it first.
Okay.
Oh, KB photo shoot.
Okay.
I think this one you guys all have to bring me in an outfit.
Okay.
And then we get a photographer and I just do different, you know.
Are we dressing you?
We're dressing him.
Okay, we're dressing you for a photo shoot.
Can we sell it or like where's the photos going to, where's their home?
A coffee table book?
I just want to have them.
Yeah, okay.
Enrique will do it.
We'll do it in the next couple weeks.
We'll all bring in outfits for you.
Can the shoot be in here during the show?
I want it to be like a professional photographer,
someone who knows photography to make me look good.
Are you saying Enrique?
Yeah.
He can set up his thing right out there.
The lights and everything? What backdrop do you want? Enrique? Yeah. We'll set up, he can set up his thing right out there. So we'll dress you.
The lights and everything.
Yeah.
What backdrop do you want?
Whatever we got.
Green screen or like something real, something that feels real.
Okay.
I want to feel like I'm a model.
Okay.
Okay.
I like this.
So like a white room with like.
That would work, yeah. I think, yeah, all white would be cool. You're sitting on like a white Like white room With like That would work yeah
I think yeah
All white would be cool
You're sitting on like a cube
Or some shit
You have like a fan
Blown on you
Yeah
Anything
I think you need
I want it to feel real
I don't want to like
Feel like all this
Is just a joke
That I came up with myself
Right
I want it to just feel like
A real
You make it model day
Like I was hired to do
Yeah yeah yeah
So like we'd have to
Pamper you that morning
Maybe get you like She'd try to pamper you that morning.
She tried to get me naked.
Limousine.
What else to throw, dude? I think I'm at my 20.
Come on, Nick.
You've got to come up off the chair.
Yeah, I know.
You're making it harder.
I'm not actually getting that.
I'm protected under parody law
I just want to see if anyone can do it once
I don't think anyone can even do it once huh
From what I'm seeing
You probably can't even do it twice
There it is Nick
Come on Nick
We're going to leave that, right?
Yeah.
Leave it, of course.
Be here for the...
We'll come back in tomorrow morning.
That's exactly where the camera is for the Brandon Walker show.
Season finale.
Season finale tonight, yes.
Oh.
Fuck.
You got this, bro.
How did you do this, Kyle?
How quickly did I do it?
Right away.
Very quick.
The first one was also very close.
Oh, that one looked...
All right, Nick, run it back.
I don't think you can be done.
If I get this through, I'm ripping your fucking head off.
Parody.
Come on, Nick.
You are the boss.
You throw the airplanes.
Follow through.
Oh!
KB!
It's a big lean forward.
That's helpful.
Are those pants feeling loose, Bauer?
Right there.
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
Oh!
Fuck!
You're less than halfway.
You're just halfway there.
You have ten more throws.
Come on, Nick.
We believe in you.
We all believe in you.
Who hasn't thrown?
I've only done one.
Sass has done one.
Brandon's done five.
Yeah.
Kate's done none.
Zero.
No. We're like seven.
We have plenty of shots.
We're getting this dude naked.
Start taking it off now, KB.
Seriously, bro.
Wait, if anyone gets it in, he has to get naked?
Anyone, yes.
You get 20 tries.
I'll do his underwear.
Okay.
He's stressing it? Oh, he's stressing.
I'm not
going to do it.
Oh, he's stressing.
Oh, buddy.
You can smell the stress.
He can smell the pheromones.
How did he do this?
He was sitting in his chair.
And it was that paper.
I think we're right.
If we get it on one of these cross beams, we're good.
Because then you get four.
That's way stronger, right?
I gotta be honest.
I don't want to see him naked this bad.
I do.
It's more just doing what he did.
He's got a hot-ass body.
Can I throw one more idea for hanging them?
Say we had four of those and two
wooden planks. We make like a swing
of sorts and each one gets rested
on the swing. That's more weight though.
Yeah. Also. Oh the plank would be. Yeah.
But it would even it out
wider. Right?
Even the weight a little bit.
Where are you just getting wooden planks?
I just assume we have all kinds of shit
laying around.
We just work at a Home Depot.
I like it.
No, I think we're good.
I think we've got a good plan.
I'll help, Kate.
Anyone else wants to help?
Do that.
Anyone?
Anyone?
We just got to drill the holes today and get the dowel.
Do you have the other tank already?
You have two tanks?
Ebony just told me that my other packages
are here. Great. I even got
a little fish scooper so we can scoop out
little snacks that are floating in.
Wow. Be it some fruits.
Yeah.
I'm ready for tank race.
We'll make sure you dress up in Hawaiian. What else we got?
We should re-end it. What's that?
Hard hats.
You can get those at Home Depot What's that? Hard hats. Hard hats.
Hard hats.
You can get those at Home Depot.
You get eight hard hats.
The worst part about going to Home Depot is you go to check out, and then you just have
to walk out holding everything, and there's no bags or anything.
Bags or anything.
You have to walk out just holding eight hard hats.
A bunch of...
Seven.
You can wear one.
Yeah.
You can probably wear two, honestly.
Yeah, yeah.
Stack them.
I'll wear all of them.
Yeah.
All right, let's go get building.
Okay.
All right.
All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow for the tank race. Do-do-do-do-do. We'll be right back. It's time to talk shop and do a Yankees love is the act.
It's the act.