The Yak - Big Cat Fell For the Oldest Trick in the Book | The Yak 12-19-22
Episode Date: December 19, 2022The name's Ravenscroft. Goose Ravenscroft...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.li...nk/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Hello.
Yeah, hello. Three-man weave. I like this. Hello. Yellow.
Three-man weave.
I like this.
I'm going to sit this one out.
Come on, Nick.
Let's get some COVID vibes in here.
You too.
Oh, no, no.
You can be my wife.
Deal.
And just sit there silently.
In the other room, yeah.
Yeah.
We watch Jerry Springer.
My wife was such an anti-football pussy this weekend, dude.
What?
Making plans, fucking trying to go out on Saturday, dude.
If John Gruden had caught wind of how my wife was acting, he would have been furious.
Mean-ass email.
I had the, I went, because Saturday I wasn't working, so I was watching games at home,
but also parenting, and I was like games at home, but also parenting,
and I was like, let's go,
Vikings go down like 33-0.
Yeah.
Let's go out to dinner with the kids.
Fucking get there,
and it's just like,
I was just dead to the world for like 20 minutes
just watching the game.
Same, dude.
And this was the most exciting football weekend of the year.
It was the best.
It was so exciting. I was such a deadbeat dad. Like like the kids were like like i want this i want that and i was just like shh like kirk cousins about to come back yeah he's making history right now
that's that's the exact game that i got caught in the middle of like we're supposed to go to
a christmas market and i'm like no i made up for it though ravens game. I was just like, oh, I don't even have to watch football.
I don't even like football.
Like, what do you want to do?
You want to build a fort?
Let's go.
Yeah, and that was a shitty game.
Yeah, it was terrible.
Like, 13-3.
That was the one I missed, and now I missed the one after that because of the-
You missed Dolphins Mills?
Yes.
How could you?
I'm telling you, my wife was being an anti-football pussy.
Dolphins Mills-
You went to a Christmas market?
I went to a Christmas market, and then I went to an art show, an installation.
Oh, Roan.
In-laws were in town.
How could you?
I'm telling you, dude.
Dude, Dolphins Bills was like the snow.
It was awesome?
It was one of those games.
I mean, my life is very simple at this point.
It's what you guys see watching
When I'm working
And then I go home and usually
It's being with my kids
And then my only
Break
22 year olds will go out and get fucked up
And have a great time
My only special place
Is when there's a game that's on late
So it starts at 8.20.
Everybody goes to bed.
Everyone goes to bed, and I just sit there on the couch,
got to dip in.
Add time.
Turn the volume up.
Add time.
Farting, just burying farts into the couch.
Eat some shit messily,
like eat something that's not supposed to be had with a bare hand.
I was eating Twix bars.
I was eating just me and Stella, watching the game, just consuming it all.
It was happy play.
Like the bottom of a bag of chips.
Yeah.
Just the corner of a bag of chips.
That's it.
I had Smart Pop, and I was just pouring it into my mouth.
I didn't touch it, just poured it, sitting on the folds of my sweatshirt.
Love it.
It's amazing.
Simple pleasures in life.
I'm a simple man.
Yeah.
Show me some snow and football and Josh Allen just being a maniac.
Yeah.
I was in Chicago, and I was flying back last night because I wouldn't have been able to hear it.
You were looking at apartments?
Yeah, yeah, or townhouses.
Oh, nice.
But I was flying back because I had to be here this morning or whatever, but Smitty was staying the night, was staying the night, and he was, like, you could tell the joy on his face
that he was just going to get up.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, what are you doing tonight?
And he was like, I'm just sleeping.
Oh, yeah.
I'm just going to get a full, clean 12 hours of sleep
away from the kid, away from, you know,
he's just on his own for a little bit.
I just had this, like, secondhand, vicarious happiness
that he was just going to be able to chill the fuck out.
Dude, when we travel and we go to, like, college towns
and there'll be a couple people and, like, let's go out,
I'm like, no, no, no.
This is not going out.
I'm going to get my hotel room to the coldest it can possibly go.
I'm going to watch whatever...
I'll watch a fucking late-night NBA game and do nothing.
Yeah, amazing.
Yeah, just scroll a little bit.
On trips like that, the going out is the dinner.
Yeah.
Dinner, just have a great-ass dinner.
Fucking just hammer a fucking steak and, like, two glasses of wine,
and then you're fucking sitting.
I like to do, like, one heavy IPA before the food gets there.
Whoa.
So I'm drunk for, like, 20 minutes.
That's too –
And then I'm, like, I'm done.
That counts as an appetizer.
But it will launch your drunk –
it'll get you to that drunk that it would take maybe two or three light beers to get to.
That's the perfect way to drink IPAs.
If you're planning to have three plus IPAs, that's not a fucking sustainable nightmare.
That's.
Just a thick ass heavy IPA.
How'd you boys feel after the eggnog?
Oh, man.
All right.
So we got to do some housekeeping we got to do.
I'm going to say this right now for Yak fans.
Friday's Christmas special might be my favorite Yak we've ever done.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm not going to say it's the funniest Yak we've ever done.
There's been like KB's Wild that have been funnier, weird shows that we've done that are funnier.
I got home and I just had a smile on my face.
I had fun.
It was like true friendship.
I was like, those are my face. I had fun. It was like true friendship. I was like, those are my friends.
That was fun.
We all laughed really hard.
It felt like the holiday.
There were no bad vibes.
There was no bad vibes.
It was going to be a great listen.
Sass wasn't there, so those don't have anything to do with each other.
No one complained.
It was weird.
No one complained.
It didn't make any sense.
I'm so excited for people to watch it on Friday because it really was like, I really did walk
out of the office smiling and I was like, it had been a long week and I was like, God
damn it.
I'm just doing shit with people I want to do shit with.
And that was fun.
Yeah.
I don't think that I, I walked out being like, I didn't get drunk.
I just got full.
But then like, as I look back, like I don't, I don't remember everything.
So maybe I did get drunk. Yeah. I got drunk on Christmas. I just got full. But then as I look back, I don't remember everything.
So maybe I did get drunk.
Yeah.
I got drunk on Christmas spirit and friendship.
Yes.
Which is the most powerful buzz there is.
And Tyler O'Day's intoxicating personality.
Oh, boy, yeah.
He is. That's the part I forgot.
I forgot that Tyler O'Day was in here.
I completely forgot.
I think I was drunk.
I wasn't drunk on friendship.
I was drunk on alcohol.
On eggnog. On thick-ass, heavy, sweet-ass eggnog. I ate a pizza when I was drunk. I wasn't drunk on friendship. I was drunk on alcohol. On eggnog.
On thick-ass, heavy, sweet-ass eggnog.
I ate a pizza when I got home.
Oh, my.
My tummy hurts so bad.
Dude, I ordered a pizza, too.
I have a new pizza place that I've been ordering from because I crave the fennel crumble sausage
instead of, like, chopped Italian sausage.
And it's hard to find a place that has that.
What is it?
Which one?
It's like a Greenpoint place.
It's like Greenpoint something or Greenpoint Pizza, but it might have a different name
than that.
Hook me up.
I will because they have this ground sausage like chopped pepper pizza that's fucking fire.
It's been a delight.
That's been my go-to pizza recently in a place where there's a ton of pizza.
Hell yes.
What are you looking at, TJ?
Why can we see your computer?
This is distracting.
It's wild.
There's so much porno.
I just keep forgetting to switch it back after.
Oh, okay.
TJ's looking at porn right now.
Hardcore.
Yeah, I'm very excited for people to watch the Christmas special.
It was about three hours long.
We did GIFs.
Here's really the main sell.
In the first time in the history of this show
We successfully pulled off a Yankee swap
We did it
It was clean
It was a clean ass swap
Good ass gifts
Yeah
Very good gifts
Everybody showed up and showed out with the gifts
I went home with some like
Cool shit
I've used some of it already
No you didn't
Well
Well
I got some of someone else's
Oh okay
Yeah yeah yeah
I walked past your gift.
Yeah, it's still right there.
I've walked past your gift every time I've walked in the office.
Good-ass gift.
Because no one wants to get rid of it.
Yeah.
Because it's a gag.
Yeah, we won't show it.
And then the other housekeeping we have to do.
Nicholas?
Before we do that, I'm not taking anybody's money before christmas
what i would like to do i've done some research look at that holy shit nope you're taking my
money no no i also realize i'm never gonna do this again because if france had won the world
cup i wouldn't have taken anyone else's money so this was just i'm not taking any no there's
no quid pro it's just quid that's probably why they call it that. That's why they call it quid.
I got quitted.
I want to get the luxury suite
at the American Dream DreamWorks Water Park
and all excess passes for us.
Okay.
Keep the camera on Nick real quick.
Or we can rent out a truck.
I'm not taking it.
It's $2,100.
So that means I can't do this.
A bet is a bet.
This was the rule.
But it's Christmas time.
Everyone else has to give the money as well.
Yes.
Everyone else owes $100.
We all owe $100?
All right, let me thank you.
This is how we play the game.
It's Christmas time.
No, you can't just be like, oh, that doesn't count.
Yeah, you just pay it forward or some shit. I'm going to pay it forward and I'm going to. No, you can't just be like, oh, that doesn't count. Yeah, you just pay it forward or some shit.
I'm going to pay it forward and I'm going to...
No, you better not.
You better fucking spend that on the sickest Pokemon card you can find.
I'm going to need more money.
On the floor.
I dropped one.
It doesn't even matter.
He literally doesn't give a fuck.
What's your goddamn Venmo?
Please, no.
Oh, what is it?
Stop being annoying, dude.
We're going to do something fun with this.
Yes, we can.
But you'll also do something fun with whatever you get in the Venmo.
You're not going to make a welch out of me.
I'm not welching on this bet.
You guys, everybody bought gifts already.
It doesn't...
Rape juice?
We'll figure this out, but this puts me in an awkward situation why because i don't uh i don't want to win
shut up shut up shut the fuck up shut up you think fucking bitch yeah take the win just take the win
i'll take the win but yes exactly take that take that money buy yourself something very nice that's
only for you you have a say your venmo oh you
have a predisposition your order i'm gonna find it listen man you have a predisposition to not be
able to take things yeah to be happy yeah you won't take happiness i like giving yeah giving
is fun but you also need to receive. Pause, brother. Oh, shit.
I got caught there.
Yeah.
You'll never see me receiving.
How the hell is it, dude?
I'm scrolling through all this.
The game was amazing.
Incredible.
One of the best, like, sporting events I've ever watched.
I don't think I should watch soccer anymore.
No, yeah, it's so boring other than that.
Like, that was incredible.
Why was it so good?
Why was that so awesome?
Because Messi's the best.
He's the GOAT.
And Mbappe is next up.
Yeah.
Or already arrived.
What if Mbappe had never lost a World Cup ever?
Then he truly would have been the GOAT.
Yeah, but...
Was he on the team four years ago?
Yeah.
Oh, so he has won.
He was when he was 19.
Yeah, he won.
And he won, I guess, not then, too.
I don't feel bad then at all.
All those dudes have won.
And they're French. Who cares? They, he won. And he was like, I don't feel bad then at all. All those dudes have won. And they're French.
Who cares?
Yeah.
They can go and just say,
and then some hot chicks can blow them.
There's probably a loose nipple
around wherever they are.
Just look in the background
of any of their pictures
and there's a loose nipple hanging out.
Sex positive culture.
They eat French.
They eat fucking baguettes
and they just get their dick sucked.
Yeah.
Escargot and fucking caviar, which I don't like.
Do they all smoke cigarettes?
A lot.
Also, the French play with them.
The craziest thing in Paris is the outdoor seating at cafes.
They pack it in.
It's fucking wild to look at.
Can you Google it?
It's like if you walk by a cafe in Paris, everyone is sitting on top of each other and they're all just facing out to the street
It's a very weird. Have you noticed that? Yeah, it was as wet. Have you both have been right?
I've been to Paris you've been to Paris. Yeah, we went for the World Cup
So it was just everybody was watching at different out outdoor cafes
It's like they're just packed in the street so much so that you couldn't even look over their shoulders every tv screen was completely are they are they kind of tourists
i thought they were fine yeah i thought that they were well on the trip in the trip we went we were
like aggressively american um so but i think that if you just like are kind of like respectful of
their culture and not like loud and just being like why is there not ice in my shit like they're
here faster like wearing american flag shorts and open-toed like white jordan sandals and not like loud and just being like why is there not ice in my shit like they're here faster like wearing american flag shorts and open-toed like white jordan sandals and shit
like that i think that they'll just show you can tell that they don't is that pink it's justina
valentine oh from wild and out oh um they don't like i went if that was pink yeah that would have
been sick they show up like if you show up wait uh wait, maybe that's not, maybe it's only one that I walked by
that looked like this, but it was literally, like,
all of them sitting on top of each other.
It is crazy.
I mean, that is one of the-
Yeah, that one, like that.
That's basically what they all look like,
where they're all, like, looking out,
and they're all sitting on top of each other.
There's no room.
Yeah.
New York is also like that in a lot,
I mean, not to that extent. Like, that's fucking, you're shoulder to shoulder's no room. Yeah. New York is also like that in a lot. I mean, not to that extent.
Like, that's fucking,
you're shoulder to shoulder in that one.
Right.
But New York is also clogged up as far as a city,
and every other city in the United States
has some space.
Yeah.
More space.
The, um, they were,
I remember the, the, uh,
waiters are kind of mean if you,
like, they close,
I feel like Paris closes early.
Really?
Maybe I was wrong about that.
Midnight in Paris.
I showed up at like 9.30 to a restaurant.
They were pissed.
Really?
Maybe it was just that restaurant.
I like to use just very hyper-specific instances
that happen in my life to generalize everything.
Just extrapolate them.
But I think that I like that.
Fox close early.
Yeah, and they have pipe bombs
that they're always throwing at people
because that's what happened to me in Paris as well.
Did a pipe bomb thrown at you?
Or like they were, yeah, they pipe bombed the fuck out.
It was actually multiple pipe bombs.
They pipe bombed the fuck out of you?
It was like light and like fun pipe bombs, though.
It wasn't like malicious and dangerous pipe bombs.
Those are my favorite type.
But our sound guy, they put a pipe bomb on top of his shit
and it fucking exploded.
Like not enough to hurt him, but enough to ruin all his his equipment and they threw another one under like my legs as they're
jesus and i had like a little cut on the inside of my legs luckily my balls didn't explode but
a pipe bomb survivor yeah multiple multiple pipe bombs but there's just like color ribbon is that
huh you gotta make a ribbon yeah we or like a bumper sticker at least some kind of something
that we can sell on something i could wear pipe i survived multiple pipe bombs no big deal you are a pipe bomb
survivor yeah so i don't feel bad for the french yeah they got fuck they have they're
gonna be making love on like top of buildings as like rats cook them fucking fine pasta
dishes you think it's the chef yeah you think it's the chef the entire time but it's really
the fucking dirty ass rats in their city yeah fucking rats and argentina fans look so happy did you see that tj can you
go to my twitter and find that that fat dude that like just an all-time like dudes supporting dudes
like we need more of this in male culture just help your friends out supporting dudes yeah just
being like boost each other up If your fat Argentinian friend
is trying to celebrate
a World Cup
and is about to fall
and hurt himself very badly,
like, do your job.
Pick them up.
I still haven't fully grasped
Argentinian culture yet.
Aren't they a lot,
they're like a lot of Italians.
Are they?
It seems Italian-esque.
I think a lot of Italians
went there.
Did they?
I'm going to look. This is, we're waiting for water. There's a lot of Italians went there. Did they? I'm going to look.
We're wading into water.
I'm sorry to say some shit.
Nazis.
Yeah.
Yeah, the Nazis went.
But I mean, the Italians, I don't know if they sympathized, but they were allies.
Yeah, they weren't fully two feet against the Nazis.
They didn't square up with the Nazis, so they probably trickled down there as well.
Look at this, dude.
Oh, my God.
This is just.
Look at the fingertips.
The whole time I thought the whole glass was going to shatter.
It would have been incredible.
Pulling him up there.
Get him up.
Nobody gave up.
Yeah.
Like, this is just.
You could easily just be like, fuck this, dude.
You're too fat.
Or if I'm the guy.
See you Saturday. Watch this. You're too fat. Or if I'm the guy. See, save Friday.
Watch this, too.
Wait.
Wait.
He's just so pumped.
Look at me.
Get that shirt down.
Typically, that would be your first concern as a bigger boy.
Get the shirt down.
Yeah, right away.
Bliss.
Yeah, he's having the time of his life.
Beautiful smile on that fat-ass dude.
Yeah.
Is the Argentinian team dickheads?
Because, like, the still photo after they won in the shootout,
and they're all, like, flipping off.
Not in the final, but, like, when did they win the shootout?
The semifinal or the quarterfinal?
The Argentinian team in the shootout,
and they're all like flipping off the team.
Yeah, because they got into shit.
Yeah, no.
I think, so I just looked it up.
25 million or 62.5% of Argentina's population
have at least one Italian ancestor.
Wow.
That's crazy.
They're Italians. They are. They're Spanish-Italians. So yeah, they are Italian ancestor. Wow. That's crazy. They're Italians.
They are.
They're Spanish-Italians.
So yeah, they are dickheads.
Yeah.
They're perverts.
Yeah, they're definitely handsy as hell.
I'm allowed to say any of this shit because my kids are a quarter Italian, so don't come
after me.
Italian, I mean, you can say whatever you want about Italians.
No, but I'm also like, I...
We are Italian.
I have Italians amongst my...
I'm outnumbered by Italians in my house.
There's Italians all around you.
It's all over me.
How do you even relax?
I don't.
They're always talking with their hands.
Kids talking with their hands.
Are all deaf people Italian?
We should do that as a game show.
Deaf or Italian.
Is it all deaf people are Italian or do all Italians speak sign language?
It's a square rectangle.
Italian people just go up and they just use their hands.
They're able to, like deaf people are just totally able to understand everything they're saying.
Yeah, maybe they're just super progressive.
Yeah.
Wait, so why?
I'm interested in this.
Why did this happen that all the italians
as they're fleeing yeah small groups of italians started to immigrate to argentina as early as
second half of the 18th century however the stream of italian immigration to argentina became a mass
phenomenon from 1880 to 1920 during the great european immigration wave to Argentina, peaking between 1900 and 1914. About 2 million settled in that 40-year span.
That's crazy.
Is, like, the climate similar?
Can they...
All right, fellas.
All right, boys.
Yeah, I don't know.
What is the...
Like, can they take their knowledge of, like, vineyards and go there?
Or, like, is it...
Also a lot.
There was 380,000 Italians that emigrated right after World War II.
That's when I would have kind of pinpointed it.
This layout of Buenos Aires looks a little bit Spanish or like Madrid or some shit,
from what I've seen.
Never been to Madrid.
This is cool.
I didn't really know this.
Yeah, we're learning about Argentina.
I feel like nobody, or I've never gone down there.
Obviously, I don't know a ton of people that have gone there, but it seems like a dope place. It's pretty nobody, or I've never gone down there. Obviously, I don't know
a ton of people
that have gone there,
but it seems like a dope place.
It's pretty big, is it not?
Yeah, Argentina's massive.
Size-wise, yeah.
It is.
It's long as hell.
Mountainous.
Messy Italian?
I mean, messy sounds Italian.
Yeah.
I may see.
Yes, he's Italian.
Is he?
That's a win for Italy.
But couldn't he have played for the French national team as well? Does he have a French parent? No, I think he's Italian. Is he? So that's a win for Italy. But couldn't he have played for the French national team as well?
Does he have a French parent?
No, I think he moved to Spain when he was 13.
Okay, that's what it is.
He has primarily Italian ancestry.
His mother's name is...
Yeah, okay.
So Messi's Italian.
So win one for the Itals.
Way to go, guys. So Messi's Italian. So win one for the Itals. Way to go, guys.
We won that shit.
So with, like, international sports,
if you have a grandparent that's from that country,
can you play for that national team?
Hey, Malasek.
Malasek playing.
My grandparents are from Albania.
What niche sport can I play for their national team?
That's wild.
Albanian.
You're Albanian?
Team handball.
They're probably very good at it.
Is that your venmo that somehow popped up there? Please don't do that. Oh, weird. They're probably very good at it. Is that your Venmo?
Please don't do that.
I don't need that.
Weird.
That's pretty funny, though.
You owe him $100, Sass.
For the World Cup.
World Cup.
Hey, Sass.
How's it going?
I missed you on Friday.
Dude, I was bummed about that.
You were at that game, right?
I was.
Oh, Rome didn't even watch it.
What a loser, huh?
What a loser. And you went. Oh, yeah. It was fun. Atmosphere? Yeah, it was bummed about that. You were at that game, right? I was. Oh, Rome didn't even watch it. What a loser, huh? What a loser.
And you went.
Oh, yeah.
It was fun.
Atmosphere?
Yeah, it was very funny.
They were throwing the snowballs at the—
Were you?
Were you?
No, I wasn't.
Liar.
No, I didn't.
I loved when the refs were like, please stop.
They kept on coming over and being like, they would be like, you will be subject to arrest.
And they said that they would get a 15-yard penalty if people kept throwing, and then
people would just double down.
Well, the Dolphins coach snitched.
He, like, went to the refs.
He's like, isn't this a penalty?
Yeah, I didn't know the Dolphins coach was, like, so young, too.
Yeah.
Like, that little dude.
Everyone was—he was getting nailed.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was hilarious.
He's your age.
He's your age.
He's your age.
He's your age.
No, he's 22.
He's your age.
No, he's not.
Sass sent a picture of what he was wearing to the game before all your legs.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you have a giant dick?
No, I thought someone was going to comment on that.
It was fake.
I couldn't tell.
No one said anything.
I thought it.
No, I put a manscaped in my underwear.
Oh, man, I missed it.
That's another use of the manscaped product then.
No one said anything about it.
I was intimidated.
People just laughed at the message.
I was intimidated.
I was like, now they think it's my actual dick.
I thought it was your actual dick.
Do you have monkey pox?
No, but I just had to get a biopsy.
I heard you do.
I didn't like it at all.
I heard nobody likes it.
No, yeah.
Nobody likes them.
Would they scrape it with a cheese grater? No, dude. They put this like, it was like it at all. I heard nobody likes it. Yeah. Nobody likes them. Would they scrape it with a cheese grater?
They put this like, it was like a cylinder thing.
Oh, I hated it so much.
Oh, you have monkey pox.
She numbed it and then she put it in.
She was just like.
Yep, and then pulls out a circle of your skin.
Pulls out a circle of my skin and then she gave me stitches.
So I have stitches in my chest for the next two weeks.
Whoa.
Oh, I hated it.
You'll have a scar forever now.
Yeah, I don't, that doesn't bother me that much.
It was more the stitches.
Feeling her pulling the string through.
That's a weird feeling.
Grossest feeling.
The thing that they put in, that circle-like thing,
it almost looks like the holders for chalk that teachers have.
Oh, yeah.
It's weird.
Nick, have you had a lot of biopsies?
A couple, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you have a dysplastic compound nearby?
I'm a molier guy.
Yeah.
I have moles as well.
Yeah, but I have some family history, so I have to go like every six months.
No shit.
I have a scar across my stomach.
I've had a handful of biopsies as well.
You guys go to the doctor way too much.
No, I go to just that.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, but anything else.
I was thinking about it.
A few years ago.
I had like my left foot felt wet for like two months,
and I didn't do anything about it.
It went away.
No, I had that in my lip divot about four months ago.
I had a wet-ass lip divot, but it just felt wet.
Yeah, it wasn't wet.
Hated it.
Yeah.
I would rather have any other malady.
Yeah.
Sometimes when I shower, my calf feels dry.
Really? Oh, dry. Really.
Oh God.
Really.
Oh that sucks too.
Whenever I eat mushrooms
I feel like I piss my
pants.
You look down.
Yeah.
But I didn't.
Everywhere.
It was someone else
that did it.
Somebody pissed my
pants dude.
What the fuck.
I fucking piss my
pants.
No one shit myself.
Every time you take
mushrooms one of your
buddies comes over and just pisses all over you.
Into my pants?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we missed you Friday.
It was an awesome show.
Yeah, I had some major FOMO from that.
It was great friendship.
I had massive FOMO.
I might have said something mean earlier about you, but I didn't mean it.
Oh, okay.
There we go.
I was just like, It was great vibes.
Sass wasn't there.
Oh, yeah.
But no, you would have had a lot of fun.
Zero correlation.
You would have had a ton of fun because it was a ton of fun.
You forgive him?
He just came clean about it?
I came clean.
I guess I forgive him.
I'm not a grudge guy.
Do you want your present?
I don't know about you.
Oh, yeah.
Your present.
I don't want to do any spoilers, but it was very funny because we then, TJ looked it up
and it was literally the first match for gifts around $500.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Mine?
Yeah.
Oh really?
TJ literally Googled it, like gifts around $500 and the first match was your gift.
Jesus.
That's actually surprising because I found that just at the store. Yeah. It was a great gift. It was $500 on the first match was your gift. Jesus. That's actually surprising because I found that just at the
store. Yeah. It was a great gift.
$500 on the dot. It was $499.
Yeah. Tass loves the store.
Love the store. Yeah. What store was it?
Well, I wouldn't want to give anything away. Did you go to Wingnuts?
No. Damn.
Where'd you go? It's pretty far from where we were standing.
It's like 40 minutes. Yeah, where'd you go? Did you eat
wings anywhere? To be honest,
no. Fuck, dude.
I didn't have wings once.
How about any beef on weck?
Or buffalo-style pizza?
I didn't really, dude.
I didn't really go crazy with the food this weekend.
It's like this thick, bready pizza that's very hearty for the cold months.
I'd get on board with that.
I had a couple pizza logs.
Pizza logs are so good.
That's good.
As long as you had some PLs.
Zah, when do you leave?
Midnight tonight. Oh. Yeah. That's good. As long as you had some PLs. Zah, when do you leave? Midnight tonight.
Oh.
Yeah.
You excited?
Very, man.
Yeah.
Three years since you've seen your family?
Yep, 2019.
That's wild, dude.
How many, which family members?
All of them.
So the only direct one I have here is my brother,
so he's the only one I've seen.
So my parents are now 70-something.
I haven't seen them since then.
So now that's awesome that you're going to get to see him,
but is it like everyone else where like two days in you're like,
all right, I've had enough?
Yeah.
That's great.
I'm in such a fucking tough spot because of this visa bullshit.
I might be stuck there for like a month or more.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you're definitely going to be like, this fucking sucks.
I'm praying that.
I'm praying that by some miracle it gets sorted.
I'm going to move.
So I bought a flexible ticket on the way back.
If that shit is, if I'm sorted by like the third or the fourth,
I'm coming back immediately.
Wow.
But not in areas.
Yeah, that's going to be awesome.
Can your parents come here?
Have they ever came out and visited here?
Yeah, yeah,? Yeah The last
COVID yeah
Probably fucked everything up
Last time my mom
My mom is the one
That comes up
Because my brother
Has two little kids
So she came to see
The grandkids
She was last year
In 2020
Shout out TJ's mom
By the way
For getting brownies
For everyone
Solid three and a half
Out of ten
I'll take it.
I started the tweet being really nice to TJ's family.
I was like, what am I doing?
Yeah, it probably felt weird.
I have to land the plane somehow.
Yeah, yeah.
Three and a half out of ten.
That was one card that I had on my desk.
A TJ card, which I thought was very nice.
Then I had another one, and I couldn't tell who it was from.
It was from Francis Fleming.
That's who that was?
It was two cursive FFs.
Frank was like, yeah, I did 150 cards this weekend.
I had one on my desk as well.
It was just a Snoopy card, and it just said FF.
Super nice of him, but it was unintelligible writing.
Oh, no.
He had no idea.
No way to tell. If you guys hadn't. Oh, no. He had no idea. No way to tell.
If you guys hadn't told me, I would have had no idea.
I don't know why.
I thought it was from large or something, but no pictures.
Like TJ's card, pictures of his family and stuff like that.
You could tell whose it was.
Frank, just a generic card.
Not generic.
It was Peanuts with glitter.
Yeah.
Generic Peanuts card, unintelligible signature.
Did you see Doug's freak out at him yesterday?
Yeah.
Can we watch that? That was awesome.
I feel like that's been pent up for about how long has he been here?
Yeah.
Doug's-
Stop yelling!
Doug deals with Frank a lot, and I love Frank, but he does sometimes hog the streams.
You made him apologize.
I made him apologize. I made him apologize.
You made who apologize, Frank or Dougs?
Frank, because what he'll do is he'll just complain about a game and a team,
usually the Jets, but the Jets were down for the majority of the game.
They were down the whole game.
Yeah, they came back and they scored.
They took the lead with four minutes left,
but he was complaining in the first half when they were down.
And I was like, you can't do this.
You cannot complain when the team you want to lose is losing.
And also in the great twist of fate, Frank, the Dolphins, he was just bemoaning the Dolphins.
The Dolphins lost this weekend, and their odds to make the playoffs went up.
Oh, really?
Because everyone else lost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stop yelling!
Is he Italian?
I like how it's just silent.
Yeah, that's Thanksgiving.
You're not special because your team's cursed.
All of our teams suck, Frank. All of our teams suck Frank All of our teams suck
Who's in that room?
Can we pause?
Yeah yeah pause it
So I was looking at it last night
Every one of your guys' teams lost
Commanders fan
Steelers fan
Bears
Giants
Jets
Bucks who are the worst
And Jaguars
The Dolphins have the best record in that room
They're the best team by far with the best future.
In that room.
By far.
By far.
Hilarious.
Like, there's no good teams in that room.
And he was just screaming.
And his voice, yeah, he, like, took it,
he hit the Nas on his scream,
and his, like, shit really ramped up to the next level.
You know what the problem was yesterday?
Which I, you know, like, was yesterday which I you know like I
Frank you just keep peeling back
the onion and learn a new trick every every time
he took if you want if you
were watching the stream he took like a 10 minute
power nap and he woke up and he had
all his energy back
it was you gotta keep awake like you
got it like it's like my kids
when I'm driving the car I don't want to take a nap I gotta like
poke him and like tickle him and be like, Frank, we're not taking a nap yet.
Because he just he powered right back up.
It was like I said, it was like one of those lightning chargers for your iPhone.
He took a nap and it was 100 percent battery in 10 minutes.
Yeah.
He's like a shih tzu after a bath.
Zoom it around everywhere.
Yeah, just go and zoom.
Totally just jumping in here.
But during the company meeting
they played a video of him
sleeping
and everyone was like
haha
and everyone looked over at him
and he was sleeping
oh yeah
during the company meeting
life imitates art
yeah
it was like the highlight of the
yeah he's better with it now
when he first started here
though he was
he would be sleeping
for like half the day
just passed out
and the problem is
I know
I know there's some people
who don't
like Frank on the stream sometimes.
I'm trying to.
He was actually better last week.
He reverted this week.
But you have to understand, Frank loves watching ball with the boys more than anything.
Oh, yeah.
Like the week that he got the message crossed and he went to New Jersey when we were here
and he just watched by himself New Jersey. He's never been
sadder in his life. He just loves hanging
with the boys on a Sunday
watching some balls. So I can't take
that away from him. He's one of the boys.
Yeah, right. I cannot. I know how much
joy it brings him and I refuse
even though we all are like
losing our minds at times. I can't
take that away from him. He's a lightning rod
and you guys are getting struck by lightning
from being around him sometimes,
but he just demands that type of energy.
Yeah.
I respect it.
And I love watching.
I mean, it's always some good clips,
but you guys have to,
there's some slogging through.
Yeah.
There's some screaming.
Sometimes he'll scream some.
You just gotta deal with it.
It just is what it is.
It's the Fleming. Yeah. The man is a... He's 101. He he'll scream some. You just got to deal with it. It just is what it is. It's the Fleming.
Yeah.
The man is the...
He's 101.
He's going to Idaho for Christmas.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He said, go to Idaho.
And I go, no, Frank, you to ho.
And he goes, I've been hearing that joke for 20 years.
I was like, what?
From Fleming.
I was like, you can't do that to me.
That's crazy.
Oh, man. It's not coming. That's crazy. Oh, man.
It's not coming up with something original next time, man.
I'll give you a couple tips.
Try a nickelback.
Yeah.
All right, you want to do the Pizza Hut ad real quick?
Of course, brother.
Hit it.
They probably have the good-ass sausage over at Pizza Hut.
Oh, yeah.
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I think it's the only way that you can enjoy your life if you're having a Pizza Hut melt.
Damn right.
Axe.
How did the phone call go?
It's one more bite.
Oh, no.
Everybody knows the rules.
And I know.
I know.
There's no way.
I mean, you know.
What are my odds? No, there's no way it's i mean you know what are my odds no there's zero
there's zero chance kate's son is on probation for fighting in school oh really yeah i told her
that i there's there was a biter in my son's class and uh he bit so much that the the kid's
nanny had to go to school with him every day really has someone to bite yeah just don't look
over him
because like he could bite anyone at any time how do you even stop that from happening i mean kids
just bite yeah you get bit uh no so he used to bite me he's never bit pat he used to bite me
but then he hasn't so they're like so fun they're like one more bite he's out for two weeks suspended
where you work on it and i was like how do i work on it if he doesn't bite me? And then if he bites
after that, he's out for good.
So I'm like, what's the point of keeping him there if I have to take
two weeks off work?
You're basically scared.
You have to just live day to day
in fear. But this morning, I put us
on the wait list for every daycare in the
neighborhood because they're all booked solid too.
If he gets kicked out, I'm like, no.
I'm going to have to bring him here. What if they blacklist you like vegas well then do you like wait hold on a second
is this the you go in and his posters up on the wall yeah yeah mugshot you might have to just put
your adult braces on i think i was thinking about it thinking about it get him a muzzle people were
sending me the little hannibal lect mask. Baby Hannibal Lecter mask.
And I'll wheel him to daycare.
Little baby Hannibal Lecter mask.
Are there tutorials?
Why don't you just have him wear a COVID mask?
I should.
Yeah, just do that.
Be like, hey, we're just COVID safe.
I'd rather be a crazy lunatic liberal than known as the biter.
Yeah.
I know.
Maybe.
Yeah.
There's your kid going to daycare.
Yep.
You wheel him in every day.
There he goes.
I think he's got to bite something
that just tastes really bad to scare him.
Yeah.
Well, people were like,
do the Che thing.
Have all the other kids covered in mustard.
Yeah, right.
Oh, yeah.
Stop it.
We won't bite him.
But it is stressful.
I actually, I read this.
That is the Che thing.
I saw something on Reddit.
Everyone knows the Che thing is just something on Reddit everyone knows the Che thing
is just covering kids
in mustard
yeah yeah yeah
no Che came clean
on the bracket podcast
that he used to bite
the windowsill as a kid
yeah
yeah
I remember hearing about that
they put mustard on it
makes sense
lead paint
oh
I don't know
probably
yeah probably
I saw something on Reddit
that was like
they cover the the Nintendo Switch like, handles in this, like, bitter thing
so that kids won't bite them.
It's the game cartridges.
Oh, yeah.
You lick it?
We should go grab one.
It is insane how bad it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll get one.
I got a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, like, three years ago.
First thing I did before I even played a game, I licked it.
Hey, you get it.
It's bad.
What?
Well, spin the wheel.
Someone's got to lick it. I've never heard that before. I just found out yesterday.
I'll be damned. Have a few.
I'll do it of my own volition. Wow, I didn't know this.
Isn't that interesting? It is. Smart.
Try anything. It is smart. Try anything once.
Yeah, I'll taste anything.
What would Bourdain do? What would Andrew
Zimmern do on fucking weird foods
or whatever? He would try the cartridge. on fucking weird foods or whatever? Facts.
He would try the cartridge.
What if he did weird foods?
He got Nintendo Switch cartridges.
Or what if they serve it in France?
What if we go to Le Bernardin and like,
your first course is a Nintendo cartridge?
We're going to go.
I know that people are mad about that.
We're going.
What a wild thing to be mad about.
I know.
I'm a man of my word.
We're going to go.
It's just football season kicks my ass. We haven't ate fancy yet.
Yeah.
We'll eat fancy.
January, we'll set an actual time.
If you give me a date, I can book a January thing whenever the January date's released.
How early can we go?
Do we want to go during the act, though?
I feel like before, because I don't think it's a place where you can stream stuff.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Roan knows better than I.
I don't really know shit.
But I don't.
Yeah, it's fancy.
You're a regular there, I thought.
Never been.
They open early?
That's why I'm trying to.
I think maybe like 10 or 11.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So we should go before a Yak.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
12.
You're wrong. Is the lunch menu different? Or it's like, no, it's still the fanciest yak. Yeah. Oh, no. 12. You're wrong.
Is the lunch menu different, or it's like, no, it's still the fanciest?
All right, we'll go at 12 on the dot one day, and then we'll try to catch the end of the yak, and we'll give a recap.
Oh, bro.
Yeah, yeah, we'll catch the end of it, because I think they keep you hostage there.
I think it's going to be a lot of quarters.
This is like a three fucking hour meal type of thing.
They keep you hostage.
Nate's got to go.
I'm excited for Nate to go.
That's exciting.
Took a ricochet shot the other day that was not fair.
What?
From where?
Dave just said something like on the high council meeting,
and he was just like,
some people just don't want to be around, like Nate.
I was like, whoa, fuck, dude.
I had fun watching the game last night with Nate.
Nate was loving the drama last week.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, loves.
Shit was crazy.
It was popping off.
It was popping off.
Yeah, Seth, I feel like you didn't really weigh in on it.
What's your take on the fucking drama?
I was having a blast.
It was popping off.
What was your tweet?
You were like, Viva.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was at a bar just not talking to anyone just on Reddit refreshing
there's a
I think there's a potential that
it'll be like a North Korea
USA handshake tomorrow
so between who
Hans and Rico
no
they do Enrico
oh shit
we'll see
they're going to the Appomattox courthouse to get it done beat the motherfucking Bob They do Enrico. Oh shit. We'll see.
They're going to the Appomattox courthouse to get it done.
Beat your motherfucking Bob brother.
Love it.
Did you not find any?
A switch has gone missing.
Someone ate them all.
It is disgusting and it lasts on your tongue.
It's kind of really smart.
Very smart.
Because they're so small. Are's kind of really smart. Very smart. Yeah.
Because they're so small.
Yeah.
Are the Switch ones really small, though?
I thought the Switch ones were big.
Oh, no, they are.
They're tiny.
Yeah.
How hard is he biting?
He's got to be biting hard.
He must be biting them pretty good to get, like, the letter home.
And every time, the situation is different.
So, like, one time he bit a kid just totally unprovoked.
Another time he pulled, they said he pulled two little chairs across from each other.
He sat down, he tapped the chair and invited the other kid to sit down.
And then he bit the other kid.
It's like a meal.
Yeah.
It's like, and another time it's like kids, somebody took his toy.
Another time another kid fell on him and he did.
It's like, he's an angel.
He's a little angel.
I swear.
But yeah, no, he's, I get it from the other parent's perspective.
I totally get it.
Yeah, I mean.
Like the daycare can't, yeah.
I'm picturing him like a police dog just like latched to someone's arm, just like dangling.
I don't know.
I mean, it's very funny.
Little kids are funny.
Some little kids just, I got so many messages talking about it.
I got like, people were like, oh, my one kid racked up six bites in one day once,
and we got kicked out that night.
I'm like, holy shit.
That's got to make you feel better.
It does.
It makes me feel so much better.
Shout out to all the biters out there.
But every time my daycare buzzes all day, every time I get a notification,
and I'm like, oh, God, this is it.
I don't have childcare anymore.
And it's like, hey, pizza for lunch.
Like, oh, thank God.
So it's very stressful.
He ate pizza for lunch and little Kevin.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just a matter of time.
So he'll be in here.
I'll bring him.
With a side of two-year-old.
Yeah.
I'm in this room.
Just bring him, and we'll bite the fuck out of him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bite back.
I always bite back.
It's like, oh, not so nice, is it?
That's smart.
You know when the rabbit got the gun?
Has he been bit? Oh, yeah. That's how it started.'s smart. When the rabbit got the gun. Has he been bit?
Oh, yeah.
That's how it started.
He was the one getting bit
and now he hasn't been bit.
Wait, that's so funny.
Is he a vampire?
It sounds like it's
continuing.
He's a vampire.
I think your son's a vampire.
He's a toothy vampire.
He just can't bite
into anyone yet
so he's just gumming on people.
My old tweets
before he bit,
I have old tweets
where I'm like,
let me find the motherfucking kid who's biting my son. I was all indignant about it and then he started biting and I was like gumming on people. My old tweets before he bit, I have old tweets where I'm like, let me find the motherfucking kid who's biting my son.
I was all indignant about it,
and then he started biting.
I was like, oh.
Whoops.
Hear him out.
He probably has a good reason.
Yeah.
Good people on both sides.
Yeah, what was the other kid wearing?
Yeah, yeah.
I bit my sister hard when I was pretty young,
sixth grade or something like that.
That's not that young. I'm kidding. No, I was in preschool or something, and I bit pretty young, sixth grade or something like that. That's not that young.
I'm kidding.
No, I was in preschool or something, and I bit my sister,
and it was supposed to be the day that we were going to go get Pokemon cards.
Oh, you fucked up.
Pokemon cards got canceled, and I never bit again after that.
Oh.
I need to cancel something in his life.
Yeah.
What does he love?
Me.
Me.
Should I leave him?
Yes.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
If you bite someone, then I'm gone.
Right.
That's probably the next thing
is he like treats
or anything
I do
I just do
blue M&M's
he's right at the age
where you can't quite
talk to him yet
so it's like
you know we're right there
he's not quite
like he's saying
but we're just
right at the edge
of communication
so no I'm screwed
is he like food
maybe like just
less food
more food
yeah he's hungry that's why he's you're gonna hire out the dog So now I'm screwed. Do you like food? Maybe just less food. More food.
Yeah.
He's hungry.
That's why he's buying it.
You're going to hire out the dog.
What if you aren't feeding him enough? He's probably starving.
He's going to give me frozen tootsie rolls.
Every half hour, he's like, guess I got to fend for myself.
No food again, Mom?
He didn't give me any snacks.
I'm going to have to pay for this.
Every day is the Donner party for him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eat what you kill.
That's hilarious. Yep. Yeah, we got to pay for this. We're going to have to eat. It's the Donner party for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat what you kill. That's hilarious.
Yep.
Yeah, we got to bite this kid.
Yeah, Bridesmaids is not like a solution for it, like an easy solution if like all these
little kids are biting.
It's insane.
Kids are just insane.
They are.
There's no rhyme or reason for anything they do.
Human nature.
They're just trying to figure it out.
Yeah.
You don't know if you don't bite people.
I wonder if I was biting a lot when I was young you probably were yeah you have to ask your moms
everyone ask your moms if you're a biter that's your grandmom yeah they're like little kids are
like the dumbest people but also the smartest people it's very oh yeah it's a conundrum at
all times they live life the right way yeah i took my son to the dentist a few weeks ago and
we walked past the door uh i didn't i'd never been there few weeks ago, and we walked past the door.
I'd never been there.
He had been there, and we walked past, and I was like, I couldn't find it.
And he's like, it's right there.
And I was like, shit.
Walked all the way around the block.
And I was like, oh, it's right here.
He's like, I told you it was right there.
I just got fucking. Yeah.
I underestimate that all the time.
I'm being a clown by my kid.
Yeah.
Should we spin the wheel?
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Nice home-cooked meal.
Yeah, why don't we spin the wheel?
When's Brandon going to Wyoming? He's there.
On the way now.
Is he the most handsome guy there?
He might be.
Wyoming's got a lot of hot cowboys.
Is that a real question?
He's the ugliest guy there.
He might be, though.
They're all ripped.
There is something about horse guys.
Like a real horse guy.
Centaurs? Like a half horse guy.
It works the other way, too.
There's something about horse girls.
Something to avoid.
I thought everybody hated horse girls.
I think there's something about them.
Some of them have big asses.
Wait, did you see that?
They like to ride, brother.
Oh, my God.
Oh, what video?
Her ass went to the end of the horse.
This woman.
Oh, I think I saw it.
You know what I'm talking about?
I see it.
I don't know if I want you to see it. I think I saw it. Look up woman, big ass of the horse. This woman. Oh, I think I saw it. You know what I'm talking about? I think I saw it. I don't know if I want you to see it.
I think I saw it.
He did look up woman, big ass riding horse.
Her jeans, she had to sit on the horse.
She had to unbutton her jeans and like fold them down
to even be able to sit on the horse.
Hell yeah.
So then her butt is like a huge cleavage
and the horse starts going and her cheeks are like,
thump, thump, thump.
I watched it like 10 times.
Turn Zah's mic off.
We might hear him howl.
Yeah. I saw that. I don't know where I saw that, but I saw that like 10 times. Turn Zah's mic off. We might hear him howl. Yeah.
I saw that.
I don't know where I saw that, but I saw that like yesterday.
How sad is it that all three of us were like, oh yeah.
You see that fat ass riding the horse?
Oh, wow.
Look at that thing.
Oh, my God.
That is a fucking ass.
Yeah, you're going to watch it like 15 times.
If you could promise me I'll be
reincarnated as a saddle, I'll do it right now.
Do it right now.
Okay. Yes, I did.
Okay. Riding horses is
scary as fuck.
They go fast. Scary as fuck.
Don't fuck around. Fasoli flew
the drone too close to a horse when we were in
Tucson and it startled it
and he just laughed it off
but like horses could kill you at any second.
Oh yeah. Well, not me.
Not you. No, you'd fuck it up. Skinny legs.
I'd snap its fucking
little leg right in half.
I think you would have a much better chance of
beating a horse in a fight than a moose. Oh yeah.
Now both easy. Now.
You'd for sure win both but one easier than the other.
Yeah, probably.
You wouldn't even
break a sweat with the horse.
I don't understand
how people, like,
clean hooves of horses.
How do they...
I love watching those videos.
They're very calming videos,
but how do they calm
the horse down enough?
Like, how the first time
that they did that shit,
like, how did they know?
They're, like,
shaving fucking hoof off.
It's like it's a nail.
Yeah.
I have a friend... It looks like it feels great. After he got it's a nail yeah i have a friend it feels
great after he got out of the marines he became a professor called farriers and he had to go through
a whole school it was like it was like as long as it took him like seven years to get the top level
of farriers but all his videos highly recommend following him all hoof stuff i want to see a
horse poke it find a hope oh i love it have you never seen these videos oh yeah i've seen them
oh they're so imagine how good that would feel
for the horse.
It's like taking off your shoes
after a long day of work.
And they're going to go in there
and get all that gunk out.
Oh, man.
Well, that's like racehorses.
Part of what's so expensive,
they need farriers.
They change like horseshoes
like 24-7.
They always need different shoes.
How does the horse know
to be calm for this situation?
It's like your kid,
like you can't really
talk to him like that.
I think it's just trusting the human.
What is that that they're pulling off?
Is that skin?
I don't know.
I think it's hoof.
It's like a toenail.
Have you seen?
They'll grow.
You know how people have the crazy long 10-foot fingernails?
They'll grow out like that.
They'll be long and curly like a witch's shoe.
What about wild horses?
That's a good question.
They'll drive you away. Oh, yeah.
Is that the lyric? Fuck.
Damn close enough. Damn close
enough. What is that?
I saw a sheep that escaped
recently. Did you see the sheep that had to get
sheared down? Yeah, I saw that video. I felt so happy
for that sheep. It's dope.
It has like, what is it, like 500 pounds
of wool. It ran away for a year.
It just kept on growing.
How do they get that off if they weren't?
So it's the domesticated sheep.
They grow nonstop for more wool production.
I guess wild sheep.
Like if they go feral.
I think animals can go feral.
Like even if pigs escape, like within six weeks,
a lot of them will grow tusks and shit and become actually feral.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it is.
Do you think that's what kept the sheep alive, though, out there?
It was like a domestic sheep?
It was killing it.
Because no animal could fight through that.
It was definitely killing it, yeah.
It looked like it would be like pulling on your skin.
Yeah.
That thing wasn't happy.
It couldn't, like, barely walk around.
It was in hell.
But even when they sheared it down, there were, like, some nicks, little cuts on it.
And I wonder, like, even with the horse as it's getting trimmed
like what if you like
hit a nerve ending or something like that
even if you're doing the toenail clipping type of shit
that would piss off a horse
that would probably hurt
that would cause him to kick you in the fucking face or some shit
yeah I'm sure it happens
is this the one?
oh my god
TJ we got a problem
I don't even think that's the one I saw. I have an interview
at noon tomorrow.
That is
a problem. That's a big problem. Why? What do you guys have?
A football show.
I didn't realize that was at noon too.
Who's the interview with? Andrew Whitworth.
Oh, hell yeah.
That looks good in a jacket and a hoodie.
He's a handsome big man. I just have to be Ronan
doing the pro football show tomorrow.
I have Planet Football at noon.
We got problems everywhere.
What about Steven and Ronan?
What about Sassy?
I'll do it.
We got Gabe Davis anytime?
Every week.
I actually didn't take it.
Or we can move it.
I don't know.
It's on Dion.
I have to.
Okay, sorry.
No, it's fine. I didn't know. It's on Dion. I have to. Okay, sorry. No, it's fine.
I didn't realize that.
But, yeah, Ronan, Stephen could do it.
Stephen knows ball.
I had some big wins yesterday.
What did you hit?
For starters, I had.
The Bills?
No, my Bills bet lost hard.
The Eagles?
You bet on three teams.
The Eagles, the Patriots, and the Bills.
No, I'll tell you what it was.
This one was good.
This is going to be interesting.
It's good.
One of them was really smart.
Because I cashed out.
Okay, I'll tell you what it was.
So this was my parlay last night.
Giants, Moneyline, Saquon Barkley, anytime.
Yeah.
Saquon Barkley, 60-plus yards rushing.
Sick.
Terry McLaurin.
Yeah.
60-plus receiving yards.
That hit.
Yeah.
And then this one.
Terry McLaurin?
Well, how is it pronounced?
No, that's how you pronounce it, but that just killed it.
Steven.
This one.
So I had, I don't know what the guy's, how to pronounce his first name.
Stevenson on the Patriots.
Mond.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
and Patriots Moneyline.
And I cashed out when it tied
and it was like $2 before,
like $2 less than my total payout.
And I cashed out when I was in the airport
and then I checked back like 10 minutes later
and I saw that they lost.
On that play,
yeah.
So that was a big,
that was a big cash out for me.
Are there any reaction videos of that yet?
I love watching
people reacting to that
in like their living rooms.
Yeah,
that is awesome.
I don't know if people
even knew to be filming
themselves at that time.
That was insane.
That sucked.
What,
the pictures?
Yeah.
Well,
yeah,
you can watch
the reaction video of Hank.
Oh,
yeah.
Pull it up.
It's,
we never ever
record part of my take
till at least half time at Sunday Night Football yeah last night because it was Commander's Giants
PFD wanted to stream Sunday Night Football so we're like let's record half the show early yeah
we sat down to record and it happened oh really it was yeah I think Viva La Stool tweeted out the longer clip.
It was, I mean, poor Hank.
He just, he was broken.
He tweeted he was broken.
Poor bastard.
He does misery so well.
Oh, yeah.
It's just funny watching Pat's fans kind of have to endure the throws.
Yeah, he was saying like, oh, yeah, the offense is so hard to watch. Like, do you know my two teams, college football and professional?
But Justin Fields is –
We literally sit down.
It's a tie game.
We got a tie Patriots game.
That's true.
All right.
That sets the stage.
Oh, my God.
A little lateral.
Rugby.
They know it's a tie game?
This is dangerous.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was the craziest thing. Oh, my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Raiders. Oh my god. Oh my god. That was the craziest thing ever. Oh my god. The fact that we're taping, this is the first time we've ever taped this early. They don't do that in tie games. Why'd they do that? Oh, flag. Flag. Flag. Oh my god. Flag was fake flag. This is going to be the most confusing thing ever. Wait, they took the flag off?
And it was Chandler Jones.
Oh, my God.
The graphics person.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Jake.
Wow.
Jake's always thinking about the person.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What a massive fuck up.
Oh, man.
And you could hear Billy just be like, the Jets might make the playoffs.
Yeah. Hank went through it live on air.
Yeah, that was a crazy play.
That sucks for Hank.
It was awesome for the Raiders, kind of,
but it's like Raiders aren't making the playoffs.
The craziest part about that play is,
Ramondre Stevenson, I think he should get equal bad credit.
For starting the whole thing.
That wasn't supposed
to be what they were doing and he just lost his mind and then as soon as he passed it back to
jacoby myers he's like oh we're gonna do this yeah let's let's get fucking nuts let's get nutty poor
mac jones why are you calling a run play though with time expired out the clock okay just take a
knee like what do you have a run play yeah all right if you get like a defensive penalty
yeah but you also yeah i mean are you pissed because now they're more likely to get tom brady
no steven's team is bad and he won't admit it i really admit that they're bad right now he says
right now after but i did say that if everything breaks right we can win at least one playoff game. You're bad.
No, you guys will have the toughest wildcard team.
We have Dallas' number if we get them.
Oh, you have Dallas' number.
Okay.
Beat them last year, beat them this year.
Dominated them.
But those are different teams, though.
You're a bad team now.
Technically, no.
What percentage of the year have the Bucs been bad?
80?
100. No, they were a wagon the firsts been bad? 80? 100.
They were a wagon the first two weeks.
A wagon?
Yeah.
Beat the Saints, 19-3 against Dallas.
Saints are terrible.
They weren't at that time.
Dak got hurt in the Cowboys game.
It was after the game was out of hand.
A wagon.
They're bad.
So since they were a wagon,
they've really been bad.
If they'd just been mediocre the whole time,
it'd be acceptable that they have a mediocre record.
But they started off wagon,
now they suck.
Also, two weeks out of 15 is not 20%.
Okay.
They're a wagon.
They're the one on the new Oregon Trail.
Yeah.
Ew.
Playoff still starts in December.
You're entering like Giovanni Bernard.
I was just going to ask what you thought about that.
This is tough because he's my guy, but I also am friendly with those reporters.
Oh, no.
I think it's a little bit blown out of proportion.
I hear you.
It sounds like he...
Play the clip.
Play the clip for the people.
I also got into it with Kevin Durant after this.
Oh, did you?
Yeah.
He didn't respond to mine.
He called me a prick.
That's a great insult.
It is.
Are you being a prick?
I don't think so.
If you were being a prick, that could be it.
You were injured all year.
Is that me? Don't say you're not talking.
Because I didn't talk to you all year.
You were also injured most of the season, too.
You were injured all year.
Just don't say we didn't talk to you all year. You can.
Just don't say we didn't talk to you all year. We just wanted to ask for your perspective on what happened there.
You're involved in one of the biggest plays of the game.
I hate reporters.
I appreciate your time.
We won't hold you.
We would have talked to you in the season, but also you were injured.
Just tell us what occurred on the punt.
Miscommunication, that's all it was on my part.
I take complete fault for that.
Was it a fake? I don't know. It was complete fault. My fault. That's what occurred on the podcast. Miscommunication, that's all it was on my part. I take complete fault for that. Is it a fake?
I don't know.
It was complete fault.
My fault.
That's it.
Is it something the team hasn't practiced?
It's on me.
So who do you side with, Steve?
That's something I do.
I mean, clearly he...
You're in your own year.
People who side with reporters are also the worst.
Yeah, so Kevin Drake, you pull up, Kevin Drake called me a prick.
He was like, media is so entitled.
They think they like run the
league or whatever i mean clearly uh my guy did not know the play clearly clearly clearly did not
know it um everyone was kind of covering up for it he basically said i didn't know what it was
the other 10 guys did it would have been an easy conversion would have you know i don't know if
that changes the result of the game but definitely the momentum stays on our side um and yeah they they kind of caved for him like the coach and the and the team
and everyone else and then in this scene the players can all like get changed and stuff and
shower and go get training staff and then they're at their lockers and there is supposed to be
availability but you have to ask them got it and so i guess they asked him and he said i'm not
talking today and that's when they're like well he, he said, I'm not going to talk today
because you guys haven't talked to me all year.
And that's when Jenna Lane was like, well, you were injured all year.
You were injured all year.
Yeah.
So then Kevin Durant called me a prick.
He said, ya prick.
Yeah, he said, entitlement in this world has gone to another level.
Media believes they're responsible for the popularity of the game.
I responded, well said. Everyone knows
the fans who are responsible for both sports.
Fans and players.
Don't be disrespectful, you prick.
If he said you prick, that would have been
at home. I thought I gave him a nice
compromise. I think
it was joshing. Yeah, 90%
fans, 10% players. That's one of my
favorite arguments to make that just like is
it just drives pro athletes insane and like media members being like,
if it weren't for the fans, you'd be playing in a parking lot.
You'd pay your salary as a homeowner.
Remember that.
Remember that.
I love saying that to cops.
You know I fucking pay your salary, right?
Taxpayer.
Yeah.
If I didn't show up and buy your jersey,
you'd be fucking playing rec league ball.
Fucking remember that. What did you disrespect us for?
Oh, you did a video?
Oh.
Giovanni Bernardo.
No shit he didn't respond to you.
He probably threw his phone into the East River.
What is this?
He must have been pissed.
He saw it.
That ruined his day.
All right, what's this guy got to say?
Kevin Durant under props all night, all tonight.
He's eating bad heads.
That's going to be in his head.
He's been playing really good ball lately.
That's way worse than Kyrie.
Are they home or away?
Nazi.
I don't know if they're tonight. If they're away, we've got to contact the arena to play that every time he's in front really good ball. That's way worse than Kyrie. They home or away? Nazi. I don't know if they're tonight.
If they're away, we've got to contact the arena to play that every time he's for a foul shot.
Ugh, Steven.
You're a detestable person.
What if the fucking Saints win the division, dude?
I'll be so pissed at you, Steven.
At you, specifically.
I think we'd have to lose
out, because we have the outright tiebreaker with them.
We're like a game ahead of them.
We're two games ahead, basically.
Swap them. Yeah, and our schedule is
southed.
At Arizona, home against Carolina,
at Atlanta. I don't know,
dude. I wouldn't be too confident about any of
those games the way you guys are playing. I hear you.
Your draft pick, the Saints draft pick would go from like 9th to 24th
Yeah
Oh that would be fucked
That would be so fucked
Can't have that happen
Steven
Get your fucking guys together
They suck dude, they're the sucks
I thought they were going to get waxed
Congrats to you on getting on the right side of the Bucks bets Get your fucking guys together. They suck, dude. They're the sucks. I thought they were going to get waxed. Yeah, the sucks.
Tampa Bay sucks.
Congrats to you on getting on the right side of the Bucs bets.
Yeah, Bengals just fucking dominated you.
You're just punk ass.
Yep.
You look like a fool.
Tampa Bay sucks.
Justin Fields is going to be great.
Oh, my God.
That run.
Yeah, he's awesome.
He's insane.
He's so annoying to play against.
I feel like that's one of the great markers of a good player.
If you're watching it.
You nervous a little bit about the game?
He was at the Christmas market, brother.
No, no, not on Saturday.
He was buying tinsel.
On Sunday, I was in Chicago for the game.
And to be honest, Chicago is run by Detroit fans.
And it makes me sad to say that.
There's so many more Lions jerseys out.
Oh, they're just coming out right now because they're good.
Yeah, well, they were fucking running the city like they were literally like we were at the uh at
river north watching the game and bears like something good happens for the bears light
smattering of applause something good happens for the lions it exploded but you gotta you gotta
understand that well there are a lot of detroit fans live in chicago but also like the lions this
is the most exciting the Lions have been
in, like, forever. Meaningful December football?
They've never had meaningful December football.
They went to the playoffs with Stafford twice,
I want to say. Yeah.
This is awesome for Lions fans.
Like, the Bills fans kind of get a lot of credit
for being this beleaguered fan base, but
at least they've had success recently.
This is brand new for Lions fans. Yeah.
They deserve it. And they're exciting.
I don't think it's fluky.
They're fun to watch.
Jared Goff's a man.
Nobody wants to see the Lions.
It went from 1-6 to 7-7.
That's insane.
But no, I'm not worried.
It was so cold in Chicago.
You have to throw that game out.
The 12 degrees in Chicago is different than the New York 12 degrees.
Throw that one out.
Throw it out.
Awesome.
Get your hands out there.
Doesn't count.
Smitty said Jalen Hurts
couldn't feel his hands pregame,
which is...
Smitty said that?
Are you talking about Devontae or Adam?
It gets cold in Philly, too.
We better figure that out.
Yeah.
It's a different cold.
As long as we don't have to play in Chicago.
No, January in Philly,
it's a different type of cold.
I'm just saying, be careful, Jalen. Yeah. No, you're Philly is a different type of cold. I'm just saying,
be careful, Jalen.
Yeah, no, you're right,
but it's a different cold.
I don't want Jalen to...
I need this Eagles future to hit
so that I can be even on the year.
He will.
Or who knows, but...
We don't have to be worried right now.
Oh, sounds like you're worried.
Sounds like you're worried.
Every other team looks beatable.
49ers look great.
It's going to stop.
It's got to, right?
You never know.
Look at us talking sports.
That's weird.
Mook was worried about it.
It's just KB's not here.
We're talking some sports.
We love this shit.
All of us love this shit.
Talk ball all day.
Sask got out from under KB's anti-sports shadow.
I know.
KB is a bit of an anti-football pussy.
Yeah, a little.
When we're lumping people in to be anti-football pussies,
my wife, KB.
He likes all other sports.
But he's a bit of an anti-football pussy.
He is anti-football.
Did you realize that Goodell has a nephew on Jackson State?
What?
I didn't know that.
That's the guy who dropped the pass?
Oh.
Well, then.
Black guy.
Goodell is a black uncle?
Look it up.
Yes.
Holy shit.
Maybe I just like.
He and KB are very similar.
They're in cahoots.
Yeah.
Maybe I had like a fever dream and made this up, but I saw a clip of him.
It was like.
Named Goodell is...
Yes, look. Roger Goodell
in attendance
to see his nephew.
He's a black uncle.
He's a black uncle. Charlton Goodell.
Changes everything.
What the fuck? How does that even work?
How does it make sense?
Charlton Goodell. That's him right there.
Yeah, the white guy dropping it. That's tough. Yeah, thatton Goodell That's him right there Yeah the white guy dropping it
That's tough
Yeah that's tough
That's tough
That's tough
Yeah
I guess they should have gone for two
I don't know
Look at that
His name's Goodell on the back
How does it make sense?
How does it make sense?
I don't know
I also had some guy who was like
I tweeted about the game
And he was like
Why is this guy watching the game?
I was like
I don't know
It's on ABC
It's football
And I'm friends with Deion As a white guy How the hell are you watching watching the game? I was like, I don't know. It's on ABC. It's football, and I'm friends with Deion.
As a white guy, how the hell are you watching?
And then he was like, you're probably going to visit him in Boulder.
You probably never visited him in Jackson.
Two Americas.
And I was like, wait, what?
I was just watching football.
You bastard.
You racist.
I didn't realize how racist you were until you commented on that football game.
Yeah.
That was tough for Deion. He should have gone for two. I get why he didn't realize how racist you were until you commented on that football game. Yeah. That was tough for Dion.
He should have gone for two.
I get why he didn't, though.
No, I don't.
Because he went for two when they had all the momentum on their side
as far as you're putting the desperation on the other team.
Now the other team is desperate.
You feel like you're completely in control of that.
I just like hanging your nuts and going for two.
They should have just thrown to Travis Hunter instead of that fucking white guy.
They have the best football player in the nation.
Poor white guy.
Not anymore.
Did he enter the portal?
He entered the portal.
I wonder where he's going to go.
Hopefully to Wisconsin.
Yeah, that'd be dope if he went to Penn State.
I'd love to get TH up there.
They got the guy from West Virginia.
Colorado got the transfer from West Virginia Which one?
Everybody's leaving
Oh really?
Yeah
Their little birdie told me, Nick
We might be doing a rough and rowdy
In Morgantown
In the actual arena
What?
Oh, in the Coliseum?
Oh, that would be amazing
Trying to get it going
That would be amazing
Incredible
How do we make that happen?
What local legislature?
I've made some calls.
I still want Barstool to get the naming rights to that.
Oh, yeah.
That would be so sick.
Hugs applies pressure to people.
Oh, the one you were looking to buy?
No, not that one.
Not that one.
Oh, that one, yeah.
We've got to still buy.
Okay.
Someone emailed me.
I think Kyle signed me up for that.
I don't know. That was odd. I think Kyle signed me up for that. I don't know.
That was odd.
I think Kyle signed me up.
I bet you it was somebody else.
Somebody signed me up for liposuction emails.
It really hurt my feelings bad.
That does hurt.
Sheesh.
It's not nice.
It's non-invasive now.
All right, so maybe we should do some.
I think they vibrated out of you.
No, that shit ain't true.
The freezing it, the vibrating it.
I mean,
that's what killed Kanye's mom.
That's what sent him down the spiral.
Yeah.
I want to get the Kardashian insulin thing
where it makes you not hungry.
Yeah.
Insulin?
That seems awesome.
I don't want that, though,
because I like being hungry.
I like being satisfied of hunger.
I like being fat.
The one thing I look forward to.
Hungry dogs run faster, though.
True.
True.
Me and my boys, we starve ourselves when we play Warzone.
For real.
It's sharper, yeah.
You wait until after to eat.
You should try a 24-hour fast and then launch into Warzone.
Oh, it would be insane.
Try it.
It would be on.
I'm coming off this illness now.
I lost like 10 pounds in that week, and now-
I gained mine all back.
I gained mine all back in three days. I have that hunger where I'm like I want to eat everything but I'm like
I wonder if I can keep this going for a little while
I did that for 3 days
I'm on day 2 and it's tough I'm probably going to go pig out
it's not worth it
I got all my weight back
I would do a 24 hour fast sometime this week
just to kind of like
in advance of the holidays
because I know I'm going to get fat as fuck over the holidays.
I would do that.
I have so fat home.
It's going to be terrible.
I always convince myself that I'm going to tighten up my diet
and stuff when I go home,
but I don't have access to that amount of food at my apartment.
So I go home and I'm just eating 24 hours a day.
Praising, yeah.
All I do is eat.
Did you do a little potluck on Thursday or something?
I was going to bring hoagie dip.
Oh, yeah. I pressured you into that. I think was going to bring hoagie dip. Oh, yeah.
I'm not sure if you would do that.
Yeah, I think I might bring in hoagie dip.
I didn't know what it was.
It's a Philly thing.
We just went from doing a diet to having a potluck?
Yeah, I don't know what the hell could happen.
What the hell could happen?
Can we just bring our favorite appetizer in?
Let's do an app.
Let's do a caloric negative potluck.
So celery, ice, water.
Push-ups.
Rice cakes.
Rice cakes.
Yeah.
All the things 90s moms pushed at their daughters.
But Tuesday to Wednesday, like this show through Wednesday's show,
I'd be down to do a 24-hour fast and just knock one out
to kind of maybe lose one pound.
Let's see if we're funny.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sharper.
Let's play video games.
Let's come in, bring some video games, lick them.
I've played a lot of video games. Yeah, just lick the video games. Let's come in, bring some video games, lick them. I've been playing a lot of video games.
Would want to eat.
Yeah, just lick the video games up.
Lick them head to toe.
New diet.
Just licking Nintendo Switch games.
We lick down video games.
I haven't been hungry in like a week.
I'm really hungry right now.
I'm starving.
Yeah, me too.
Starving.
I've been holding off on the brownie that TJ's
mom baked.
It was delicious. A little bit of salt.
Three and a half out of ten.
Three and a half out of ten.
A little bit of salt on a snack.
And a little bit of instant espresso.
And it was very gooey.
And that's what releases the chocolate.
Releases the chocolate?
Damn, your mom is on one.
Yeah, a salty treat is good
even on a muffin
a salty
chocolate chip cookie
DJ I was like
it's 3.5 out of 10 I said it out loud
obviously joking
it's a very good treat
cut that part and then Frank just
chimed in he's like too many chips
too many chocolate chips.
I'm not joking, Frank.
It's too many chocolate chips.
I never heard of that.
Yeah, that's not a problem.
I'll eat the Toll House chips straight out of the bag.
Give me a bag of morsels.
Oh, yeah.
On a football Sunday?
Strap it to me like an oat thing.
You know what I've been crushing recently?
Mini marshmallows. Oh. Because those me like an oat thing. You know what I've been crushing recently? Mini marshmallows.
Oh.
Because those feel.
Damn on those.
Marshmallows feel like a healthy snack.
Yep.
They're not.
Nope.
But they feel like it.
You know what feels like a healthy snack is popcorn.
Yep.
Yeah.
Not at all.
Who is this?
Justina.
Justina.
It's wild style, Justina.
Yeah.
She doesn't want any smoke.
Wild and outcast member right there, Sass.
Justina.
Justina Valentine.
Dude, do biopsies hurt after they wear off?
Yeah, they cut a hole in you, dude.
Is this going to hurt?
Yeah, you've got stitches.
You're going to have to go to a doctor about your biopsy.
Yeah, I'm all in my head.
No, of course it hurts.
When do you hear back?
They sewed your skin together.
When do you hear back, do they say?
Well, I'm not getting the stitches out for two weeks.
Yeah, but you'll probably hear back sooner.
I'll hear back in a week.
You're probably going to bleed out and die.
You can also probably take those stitches out yourself.
Yeah.
Actually, you know what?
Let's put it on the wheel.
Getting stitches.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
No, no, no.
It's a unique sensation.
I like it.
It is.
It's like when you're ball sack on a swinging ship.
You know what?
Let's have Pete's son come in.
He'll take it out with his teeth.
Yeah, yeah.
He'll do it for you.
He'll gnaw those stitches out.
I wouldn't be opposed to that.
Oh, you want a little kid's mouth on you?
Yeah, weirdo.
That's the one thing you agree to.
Pause, bro.
Pause.
Yo, pause.
You're a pedophile.
You are a pedophile.
God damn it.
Big time.
Yo, did you guys see, by the way,
that it's very obscure Twitter.
That guy, Mike Malloy, he's a comedian.
Pervert.
Saw that.
He's a pervert.
I hate that fucking guy.
He was always shitting on Barstool.
Yes.
So I followed a comedian who was like, you'll never guess, who just FaceTimed me with their dick in their hand jerking off.
But this comedian, Mike Malloy, I used to follow him.
And for years, he was so self-righteous, shitting on Barstool, shitting on Barstool.
And when I saw it was him, I let out a, I was like, ha, ha, ha.
It's the best.
Yeah.
He came over and told me yesterday.
Who is this motherfucker?
He's an L.A. comedian.
He's an L.A.
Yeah.
He shits on Barstool like, oh, you guys fucking suck.
It's like part of his thing.
He tells some story about how he like once like knocked out Dave.
And it's like, Dave's never been in a fight. You just making this shit up he also made like a whole mike like he
made his whole like persona you pulled a picture of him he made his whole persona shitting on louis
ck and being like he's a bad guy like you know like he was doing the exact same thing crazy
self-righteous about it and then he just got outed as being a jerk-off, like, non-consensual jerk-off guy.
And it's just, oh, I fucking love when these stories—
I know that it's, like, bad because someone had to actually pick up that FaceTime,
but any person who just shouts that loudly on Twitter about anything—
Oh, he's an old guy.
No.
No, not that guy.
Not McMoy Mike.
Yeah, wow, that guy's—
Poor guy. That guy, for all we know. U-L-L-Y. No, not him either Not mid-boy Mike Yeah wow that guy Poor guy
That guy
For all we know
U-L-O-Y
No not him either
Not him either
I was gonna say
It didn't give me that vibe
Using like the thing
That you make fun of the most
Is usually your flaw
So it's making me think
KB was one of the
9-11 hijackers
Yeah true
I think he locked
All his accounts
Oh
But it's just
There's gotta just be
Still photos
I'm glad you saw that too Cause I have Like have kind of hated this guy from afar for years now.
And because I follow a bunch of people in his circle, and he always was chirping about.
PFT told me he requested to come on PMT, and PFT was like, I don't think so, dude.
And then he just became super anti-PMT and Barstool and everything.
He's the worst.
That guy sucks.
Yo, why would you ever, I mean, why would you ever do that in the first place?
But then doing it to another comedian who you know is like pops off on Twitter like,
what the fuck is wrong with you?
You fucking poor judgment pervert.
It is so funny though when people like shit on, like when you were saying like people
shit on things and then they end up there yeah because it's it's something about i think that
like there's this cognitive dissonance that these guys have where they're like i think it's louis
louis ck is a bad person who does bad things and he's like i'm a good guy i couldn't do bad things
so like in his head he almost is like this isn't bad because i'm a good person but it's just every time anytime this happens on twitter where it's like some dude
who just spends years and years shitting on everyone else and trying to be like that person
is a bad person that person bet they always end up yes the amount of times i've seen that happen
not like for like twitter people who are like say this don say this, don't do this. And then it's like, oh, they're a serial rapist.
It's like, it's almost shit.
You can almost just be like,
if someone is just spending their time online,
judging everyone else,
there's a very good chance they're a scumbag.
Or if you want to,
if you want to be the person that regulates
what is good and bad in the world,
you're doing that so you can frame the world
and how you see it.
So you're in the good camp.
Right.
You know what I mean? Like that's also, you make the rules. It's a futile like thing to try and be like the police, doing that so you can frame the world and how you see it so you're in the good camp right you know
what i mean like that's also you make the rules it's a futile like thing to try and be like the
police of the world of what is good and what is bad just try to be good without like trying to
castigate somebody else it's just so transparent every single time transparent have you ever seen
that uh that devin costa video where he's he's pretending to be like a woke comic who just got
off stage and he's like he's like drinking
a Miller Lite and he's like oh dude he's like that one
girl was really funny and he's like naming all these
girls and she's like she's really talented like I could see her
on SNL and then he's like look at that
girl over at the other end of the bar I bet she's really
funny and it's like 10 minutes later and he's
like dude everyone in here is a fucking whore
it's so funny there's also
just like a group of Louis CK what he did was bad yeah there's like a
group of comedians that like sprouted off of that that made their name off of being like he's really
bad oh dude they weren't people do that with him shane and they do i mean chris d'alia i don't
think he's funny at all i actually hate him but he'll do that there's people who there's people
who put out like material about chris d'alia And that's just a good sign that they're not
funny comedians.
I did that on Morning Sunshine.
I did a whole stand-up routine about him.
It was just a joke from Morning Sunshine.
We had a whole episode about him.
It was all good fun.
It's the same people who have a blue
checkmark and 800 Twitter followers
and they're
a sports reporter for a no-name website and they just shit on Barstool.
It's like, well, that's probably because you don't have talent to be entertaining.
You basically spend your time shitting on us.
90% of it's projecting, yeah.
Some of those people got jobs based on being a comic that shits on Louis C.K. They got, like, writer's room jobs and shit like that, which, like, justified them and also showed them
that this is their lane for comedy,
so they try to duplicate it with everybody that's, like...
Yeah, you gotta find out what's next.
Yeah, if your entire skill is taking someone else down
who's deemed bad...
There's a lot of people that...
Yeah, you have no skill.
...solely just...
It's a cottage industry.
Yeah, and it's also, it's, like, it's one thing
if it's, like, something that you genuinely, like,
care about
and stand by
but then also
any of those comedians
if Louis was like
hey wanna come open for me
at the weekend
this weekend
he'd be like yes
100%
whatever you wanna say
about him
is insanely talented
yeah
it's so crazy
to put Shane Gillis
in the same conversation
as Louis C.K.
and Delia
who were like
sexually charged
well no
you and I met
but like so many comedians came out and talked shit about shame when he was getting canceled yeah yeah well
it's so easy football it's so easy to pile on yeah so because you know you can look good without
facing any consequences yeah that's why i was about to get some takes off on rico last week
oh we can run up and there were people no takes off that was like all right no i was about to
talk shit on big Cat. Yeah.
There's so many people, though.
Even people here, though.
They're talking shit about Rico.
Rico's going to come in and they're going to be like, dude, missed you.
You were gone for too long.
And I'll say it.
That's my point from the beginning. It was our top rated episode of the year.
Yeah.
Gets clicks.
Yeah.
And people are like, oh, yeah, you're just using him for clicks.
And everyone uses him for clicks.
Yeah.
I just keep, you know, like, what he did was fireable. I'm sure we've all done fireable things yeah i know we have i've had meetings
so yeah oh man look at us talking comedy after we talk sports football comedy versatile last show
bro oh we got it all and these are the things I'm interested in. Also, I'm going to push back a little bit.
The Shane-Steven Chase standoff
definitely had some sexual energy.
Oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, 100%.
That was a gay sex thing.
That was absolutely gay sex.
It was a ritual.
It was a pre-gay sex thing. If we weren't here, they would have
been sucking the shit off instantly.
You guys were about to have gay sex.
I think actually that's why Shane didn't say his order,
because his order was to even chase cock.
Well, I think that they were kind of,
it was like a moose standoff
of who was going to make the other bottom.
You know what I mean?
They both wanted to top.
It was two alphas.
Yeah, two great alphas
at the peak of their sexual energy,
just trying to figure out how these pieces fit.
Jay, did you talk to him at the company party?
I was not here for the company party.
Wow.
By dodging him again?
Oh, wow.
You don't want to end up fucking him again?
He was here the whole time.
No.
I would have said what's up.
I mean, we talked after it happened and it was fine.
Jay's wife's like, don't stay away from Shane.
Last time you guys fucked.
Yeah.
I was so, you were talking to him and you guys were all laughing
and so I walked up and I was like, comedy,
huh? I like tried to be funny
and it was just weird.
I didn't even realize he was here that day and I talked
to him after. He's like, I loved just seeing a meeting.
I was like, yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, he was just there taking it all.
Yeah, I didn't realize he was there the whole time.
He stayed for the entire time.
We had a DJ here, which was weird.
That was, it was like 4 p.m.
And they're blaring like EDM.
You could hear it in the lobby of the building.
I walked, as I walked out, like you could hear all the way down the stairs.
It was on the third floor.
You could hear all the way down to the lobby.
It was weirdly aggressive.
I kind of liked it though.
I'm like someone
who's pretty socially awkward
to start talking to somebody
and then just be able
to end up being like,
sorry, I can't hear you up here
and be able to walk away.
It was a good...
Getting out of those conversations
is an art form.
Like a workplace conversation
where you don't necessarily
have anywhere to go
but just being like,
I'm going to go over here
and like talk to...
Like we don't have
anything else here.
You know what happened
to me there
and at a Christmas party over the weekend that hasn't happened to me in forever?
Close talkers.
Oh, wow.
I have a buddy who's a close talker.
Man, oh man.
I'd sit him down and be like, dude, you got to stop doing this.
Because you'd take a step back and he'd take a step forward.
I wound up standing like in the trash can.
Oh, sorry.
Like, yeah.
It hasn't happened to me in a while.
Right here.
We met a,
uh,
we met Junior Mints,
this guy who's Ben Mints is like under,
wait,
what?
It's like under,
he was like hired under,
under Ben Mints,
Junior Mints,
like a little,
like,
uh,
he's basically is the candy and he is like,
he has some of the qualities of,
uh,
of Ben Mints.
He was here.
He was like works
for like under mince or some shit like that mince has hired already i think so yeah he has like a
small coaching tree a little bonsai tree of uh of coaching but like uh i was sitting here tyler was
in the middle and junior mince was like uh next to him and like similar to ben mince kind of framed
everything through himself but like just kept getting closer to me and like climbed over Tyler to the point where one time he was leaning on Tyler's leg so he could like talk to me.
It was one of them.
It was Tyler wouldn't fuck with that.
Tyler's hardened.
Yeah.
Oh, Tyler be like, bro, get the fuck off.
Yeah.
He does not care about that.
No, he would not hold back.
He'll confront.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck, bro.
Dude, me and Mook got, we got fucked after the Bills game.
We couldn't get home.
We couldn't get back to the hotel.
It took us three hours to get an Uber.
And we were sitting at this bar, and everyone's trying to get Ubers.
Is it the one right across the street from the stadium?
It's called, like, the Tree, something Tree. Is tree is it like a standalone one right on the corner yeah yeah yeah
oh dude the best beef on weck there oh really that's people like i ever had well we left the
stadium at like 11 30 awake we left the stadium at 11 30 and we couldn't get out and we got right
we got these people were trying to get a ride we were going to the same hotel and they were
swingers for sure they were grabbing me and moook the dude was grabbing Mook's ass hard
what? yeah and then Mook has a grabbable
ass it's not the biggest the lady was a big
lady like
what? 250
she was trying to sit on my
lap and I was like what the
fuck are you doing and they're like
can we hop in your guys uber and then we
said we had to go out for a smoke
and we left no should have
you guys look um you know groomable or like they were trying to get us no yeah oh for sure they are
groomable i guess but uh they they just need to know how to take advantage of you but you're
take advantageable for sure now because i'll slink out easily but you'll until the moment i gotta go
to the bathroom i'm gonna also you'll also like you know that video
of like the buffaloes
running down the track
running away from the
from the wolves
and like one of them
just bulldozes
the other one
knocks him over
and like
you'll do that to Mook
like you'll just like
knock over Mook
on the way out
so he has to swing
with the couple
so you can get the fuck
out of there
but I think Mook
would be down to swing
for sass
oh yeah
I have Mook do some of the dirty work.
Me swinging after six Bud Lights.
What's up, legend?
What's up, legend?
We gonna fuck?
Are we fucking, legend?
I actually forgot I'm supposed to.
What?
You're supposed to what, Sass?
Some dude was asking for a shout-out.
It was a whole thing.
But I actually don't have his name in my...
Oh, Lance Harbor.
Shout out to Lance Harbor.
Hey, that's...
Is that a real person?
No.
It's a fake name.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I know.
He said it was a fake name.
He wanted me to shout out.
Blue Mountain State guy or whatever?
Thad Castle.
Oh, Lance Harbor might be...
He wanted me to say his buddy Scott sucks.
That's Varsity Blues, is it not? I have no idea. That's what he told me to shout out. Yeah, it's Varsity Blues You want me to say His buddy Scott sucks It's Varsity Blues Is it not?
I have no idea
That's what he told me
To shout out
Yeah it's Varsity Blues
Starting quarterback
For Varsity Blues
You guys have a fake name
You go to?
Goose Ravenscroft
I'm Perkins Cole
Goose Ravenscroft
Perkins
Do you actually use that?
It used to be
My creative player
In MLB
That's hilarious
Why Ravenscroft?
I don't know
That's sick
Sounds badass One of my buddies Last name is Ravenscroft? I don't know. That's sick. That sounds badass.
One of my buddies' last names is Ravenscroft.
Really?
That was like a common name.
This is awesome.
Yeah.
It was a middle reliever with goggles, kind of looked like Rod Beck.
That is exactly how he would look.
Yeah.
What was yours, Nick?
Perkins Cole.
Perkins Cole.
Mine's Penis Raphael.
That's pretty good.
Oh, yeah.
You said that before. Penis Raphael. That's pretty good. Oh, yeah, you said that before, Penis Raphael.
That's a good one.
I inherited mine from my dad.
It was his fake name, and he said I could start using it.
Why the hell did your dad need a fake name?
Needs me.
Bad houses?
Probably.
Perkins Cole.
All right, spin the wheel.
Spin the wheel.
Spin some good yakking.
Great yakking.
If this thing's in my chest...
Okay, you can't do this.
When I breathe later, is it going to hurt?
Skin stretches. Did you get to see how much?
Did you get to see it? I closed my eyes. I'd rather listen
to your parlays. I couldn't watch. My parlays
hit, man. Do what you want. They were hitting.
Bass, you should put out a morning gambling
show where you talk about your maladies
and your... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just don't talk about gambling at all.
Not getting better.
Not getting better.
All this deployment coming out.
Not getting better.
That's great.
It's kind of like a grown show.
Yeah, what would the name of this?
Not getting better.
Sick Picks.
Ooh.
Ooh.
He's quick.
And a big thermostat coming out of it.
Yeah.
Thermometer.
Not thermostat. Same thing. Thermostat would be hilarious. Same's quick. And a big thermostat coming out of it. Yeah. Thermometer. Not thermostat.
Same thing.
Thermostat would be hilarious.
Same exact thing.
We land on dry?
Yeah, we land on dry.
Yeah.
Y'all got me craving pizza.
Oh, fuck.
I might do my upside down slice.
Yeah?
I should do a pizza hut.
I should do a pizza hut.
I'm going to do pizza hut.
Yeah.
I'm starving.
I'm going to melt.
Pizza hut has goaded breadsticks.
Yes.
I was just thinking about them the other day.
What the hell is that seasoning?
It's cheese, right?
It's grated cheese.
I think it's grated cheese, but there's something.
It's not just grated cheese, though.
There's probably some type of oregano, maybe thyme, salt.
And with the sauce, it was always super hot, too.
Oh, I love pizza.
I used to not be a big pizza guy until recently, and now it's just...
What?
What do you mean?
I used to never crave pizza, and now I crave pizza.
I never crave pizza as well, but now I do.
All the time.
Yeah, I'm going to get Pizza Hut.
I can't.
Yeah, wait, where are you going to get pizza?
I'm going to get a salad.
Oh, is there none around?
I don't know.
I just looked on Seamless.
It's hard for me to eat pizza in the daytime.
I'll travel for it.
It is.
It's bad.
Yeah.
It makes me a little sleepy.
I don't get sleepy from food ever.
You don't get the itis?
That's a lie.
Only from the Thanksgiving turkey.
Can we get a compilation of son of a boy dad clips of you being like, I'm so tired right now.
That's usually because I haven't eaten.
No.
Yeah.
You get sharp when you don't eat.
My mom made me pizza rolls on Sunday before I left.
No matter how old you get, it's such a treat. When they make those little frozen apps when you don't eat. My mom made me pizza rolls on Sunday before I left. Oh, hell yeah.
No matter how old you get, it's such a treat.
Yes.
When they make those little frozen apps for you.
God damn.
Latinos?
I'm excited to go home.
Starving.
I'm pumped to go home.
Football was playing.
Hopefully you survive.
I'm making pizza rolls.
I'm excited for the Arizona Bowl.
Oh, fuck yes.
I'm going to start doing research.
Yeah, that's going to be very dope.
I think Brandon's in Wyoming right now.
Are you guys doing
like a house for it or you're no i think we're all flying in and out um speaking of brandon
steven tennis match oh oh yeah yeah it started he tweeted something about him wanting a house
on the tennis court and i just kind of ingest was like there's no way you play tennis brandon does
not strike me as a tennis guy um but he said, give me one month of training and I'll whoop your ass.
And there's no way.
I mean, unless Brandon played like –
I'm on Jay's side.
Are you good at tennis?
I used to play tennis, yeah.
I think I could beat you.
I don't think you could.
Tennis day would be fun though.
Tennis is a very fun sport.
Tennis is hard.
Let's go play tennis.
You can't fake it.
I'll beat you.
I was going to say, Brandon said he needs a month once he finds a court.
So if Arizona is a nice climate, if we're there for Super Bowl.
All right, I'll beat you in tennis there.
You should play him if he can beat Brandon.
If you can beat Brandon, you get to play big.
But I play sweet serve, sweet return.
What the hell does that mean?
I serve you sweet, and you serve it back to me sweet. What the hell does that mean? I serve you sweet and you serve it back
to me sweet.
What? You'll learn.
Sweet serve, sweet return.
What don't you understand about sweet serve, sweet return?
I mean, it's a competitive game.
I give you a nice little lollipop
serve and then you give me a lollipop
back, then game on.
Serving is a huge part of the game.
No, no, no. I play sweet serve, sweet return.
I know what you're talking about. Yeah, thank you.
So, that's how we're going to play
and I'll beat your ass.
I don't know. I mean, whatever.
What do you mean whatever? Do you agree
to these terms? Do you play tennis growing up?
No. So then you're going to suck. I still
can beat you. I saw him play. I saw you
play in
wherever we were. Hamptons.
I was nice. And those were can beat you. I saw you play in wherever we were. In Hamptons. In Hamptons, yeah.
That was nice.
And those were not sweet serves.
No, I was blasting them.
Yeah.
Maybe we could do
a little,
is it Canadian doubles?
One versus two?
Oh, kill you.
I mean,
I would play
the singles alleys.
Oh, I thought it was
going to be me versus
you and who,
like you could beat
Pete Sampras,
I'd beat you.
I don't know.
I'd just hammer you the whole time.
If you don't know how to play tennis, it's not a sport
that you can just pick up and play. Oh, I can play.
He just played Hank. He just played. I know how to
play it. I never played it, but I know
how to play it. It's not that hard.
It's just hand-eye coordination.
Alright, we'll see. Arizona.
Bet.
Sweet serve, sweet return? No.
Well then, we can't bet. I don't think he understands the concept of sweet serve, sweet return. He. Well then we can't bet.
I don't think he understands
the concept of sweet sir sweet return.
He doesn't.
That's not tennis.
That is my tennis.
That's how I play.
I would love to play
badminton with you guys.
We didn't say
badminton, Keith.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, thanks.
I feel like badminton
is almost exclusively played at graduation parties.
Yeah.
You're right.
Maybe I like the beach.
I'd love to go to a graduation party with you guys.
We should go to a graduation party.
Yeah.
If somebody out there has a graduation party coming up, I'll go.
Graduation parties are fun.
They are.
You probably have a bunch.
Yeah, you're friends with them.
I don't know my friends have graduation parties.
I'll ask you a college graduation for legality.
I'm not going to fuck them. Either way, dude. No probably have a bunch. Yeah, you're friends. I don't know my friends driving parties. Probably have to be a college graduation for legality. I'm not going to fuck them
right now.
Either way, dude.
No, no, no, no.
You can't go.
Actually, yeah.
I'll come and I'll fuck you.
Yeah.
And also, wouldn't they be 18?
Yeah.
A lot of them.
I was thinking like booze
and stuff like that.
But yeah, I guess you're right.
We need alcohol
to have a good time, Che.
Not at all.
At a graduation party?
We can't just party.
We just need aber grad pussy.
Not really.
Blatman says he's got a liposuction contact.
That's suspect.
Don't.
No, he's getting all the fat for his ass.
He's putting fat out of his neck, putting it in his ass.
He's just getting random person's fat.
Does Blatman have a fake ass?
Well, no, it's real fat, and he wears it well.
Damn.
Two flus in a month is pretty suspect.
He got two flus in a month?
That's what Blatman said.
Yeah, he did.
He had the flu twice?
In a month.
Or is he recovering from something?
He's recovering from injections.
Oh.
Yeah.
If I found out that ass is fake, he's getting a spanking.
Remember that day I missed a couple weeks ago?
He's getting his cheeks clapped.
Nose job.
Got a nose job.
You guys never knew.
You did?
What's that surgery everybody's getting now?
There's a name for it.
It's not so.
Backel fat or whatever.
What is that?
Backel fat.
Everybody's getting their backel fat.
It's baby fat.
It's the baby fat you're born with right here.
Oh, you have good cheekbones.
No, I need fucking my backle fat.
I want my backle fat taken.
It's Lea Michele.
Look at this.
I don't know if you can pull up the latest photo of Lea Michele, but she got it all sucked
out, so it looks like she's got a canyon.
It's like cheek, cheek, canyon.
That's what I want.
Oh, that's why you ever see the things on Instagram?
They give you a big rubber ball that you're supposed to chew.
Oh, I get that ad all the time.
I tried it.
My teeth almost fell out of my head.
It does not work.
I tried it during COVID.
I was doing when I was, there was that stretch during COVID when I was, I was walking around
with an 80 pound vest on.
And that thing?
Chewing on it.
Being like, I'm going to get back in shape.
Imagine if we got that for Fleming and he had just like the strongest jawline the next day.
Wait, let me see her.
Look at her cheeks.
See the-
I mean, those are awesome cheeks.
That's the fat getting sucked out of the thing right there.
Fuck, I want that.
Yeah, let's get that.
They have before and after.
Everybody's getting jaw implants too.
Really?
Yeah, jaw implants.
Fellas are getting that.
Fellas are getting it.
It's called the ponytail facelift.
So say I put my hair in a really tight ponytail and I pulled it back, there's a facelift that gives that impression. It's called the ponytail facelift. So say I put my hair in a really tight ponytail and I pulled it back,
there's a facelift
that gives that impression.
It's like a smaller facelift.
That looks awful.
Then you couldn't emote.
What?
If you see the,
TJ, if you go down
the article for a normal picture.
She's objectively.
Looks great there.
Pre whatever that thing is.
Wrong.
Nah, give me the sickly look.
Wrong.
You're wrong.
These bitches want to look gaunt.
Heroin chic is back in a big way.
You got to be looking gaunt.
Problematic.
Yeah.
What is?
You got to be looking...
What's problematic?
Everyone's...
Actually, I probably shouldn't go into this.
What?
Go into it, bro.
Go into it.
Everyone's getting plastic surgery.
Talking about cheeks?
Everyone's getting plastic surgery.
That's what you're saying? Yeah. It's unnecessary. I mean, people look. Talking about cheeks? Everyone's getting plastic surgery. That's what you're saying?
Yeah.
It's unnecessary.
I mean, people look great the way they are.
Unless they're ugly.
That's just...
If we had all Stephen Chays in the world, then that would work.
So women shouldn't be able to do whatever they want to their bodies.
Yeah, wow.
That's what I heard.
That is what I heard.
Wow.
They shouldn't feel like they need to.
Very pro-life.
Pro-life. Chay is pro-life. Pro-life.
Jay is like the makeup.
Pro-life.
Ah, it stops right there.
I can see your face.
I don't want to do this.
No, I think he's about to be earnest.
You never want to.
It's not going to be good.
It's not going to be good.
In the terms of a ring.
It's going to be like, I love babies.
No, no, don't.
Stop.
I don't want your real answer.
I don't think your brain can handle this conversation.
But he's still going to say it.
He can't help himself.
No, I'm pro-choice.
See?
What?
Under certain circumstances.
I thought when you were saying pro-life, like, are you for people living their lives?
Yes.
Since when?
That's exactly what I meant.
That's what that means.
Always.
We should rebrand it. That's what that means. Always. We should rebrand it.
That's hilarious.
Pro-life.
Yeah, pro-life is just like...
Just pro-living, man.
No, pro-life is letting everyone
just do what they want.
Pro-life.
Pro-living.
That sounds like something
Spicoli would say.
Pro-life.
Just live your life.
She looked great before.
Like Matthew McConaughey?
No, man.
I'm pro-life.
You did look hot before.
It's all about getting out there, man.
Yes, way.
Who was that broad?
Is she the one that married Tommy Lee Jones?
Nah, that would be the TikTok girl.
This is the Glee girl.
Glee, this is the Glee girl.
They look the same, kind of.
They do look the same.
Who?
Same surgeon.
The broad from TikTok that was, she was cracking jokes.
Are you on your new shit?
I'm talking broads. Well, no, she was cracking jokes. Are you on your new shit? Yeah, I'm talking broads.
Well, no, she's not.
You're on your new shit, aren't you?
This broad over here.
Erlan.
Great rack.
What did she, what did she, who did she marry?
Tommy Lee.
Oh, damn.
The rock and roller.
Oh, yeah.
I know Lee, bro.
Yeah.
Do you know Furlan?
Of course.
You ever seen Tommy Lee?
He's Lee's girl.
You ever seen Tommy Lee honk a boat horn with his dick?
Have not.
I have.
That's awesome.
That video was...
I remember boat horns for the most part.
I think it's just a button.
Yeah, but he did it with his dick.
That video was like a building block of my childhood.
Or of culture.
Yeah.
Culture.
Literally like there's...
If you strip me down, there's like one load-bearing pillar that is
the tommy lee pam anderson sex tape because it ceded to all these different sex tapes which
ceded to a new type of celebrity and like a different type of commoditized fame how did
you guys first see it i never i've never seen it like was it a video that got passed around like i
watched it on uh my family's computer and the whole computer got virus.
You wouldn't believe.
Yeah, yeah.
You have to play dumb when you're playing.
It was worth it, though.
It was so worth it.
I have such a vivid memory of fucking up my family's computer and just being mortified
because I was playing on addictive games or some shit and all of a sudden it said I won
a $500 gift card.
I was like, Mom, Dick, i won like a 500 gift card and i like told i was like mom dick i just want a fucking gift card and then they instantly went into like
parent mode oh dude got pissed and i was so embarrassed those old school viruses you ever
have the one where just a bunch of windows start oh yeah it weren't even to like steal your shit
they were just malicious they were just to fuck with you. That's what hackers used to do.
They would just do shit like that.
Now they're hacking into the NSA and shit like that.
They used to just be fun on addicting games, making pop-ups happen.
Oh my God, when the first few pop-ups, you're like, no, this is fine.
This is fine.
Oh shit, oh shit.
It would open up every file in your computer, right?
Yeah.
We used to have that on, like, someone had it in our school and we would send it to people.
And then every single document in their laptop would open.
And you just turn it off.
Yeah. Like, hopefully this works.
Fucking turn your computer off and walk away.
Yeah.
Not my problem.
There was some type of iMessage or text message somewhat recently, last couple years, that my friends would send.
And if you open it, it shuts your phone off.
Yeah, there was like that weird string of code.
Effective what?
Effective power.
Effective power, yeah.
Did you hit it?
Yeah.
Damn.
And then I sent it to people.
It's hilarious.
Oh.
It wasn't a link.
It was like you just texted to someone and it would shut your app.
And they would just turn their phone off.
Yeah.
As soon as they read it, right?
As soon as they opened the text.
That's so funny.
That was for a while.
Can you send that text to the Yak group text?
Yeah, let's do that, TJ.
I don't think it works.
It doesn't work anymore.
It's a glaring thing.
Oh, is that Arabic?
I don't know.
It's a lot of things going on.
H.
Oh, I want to do that now.
Yeah, it's so funny.
Well, how is it funny, though?
I'm surprised you missed that.
Yeah, it was a pretty big thing.
It was funny because you'd be, like,
in a class with somebody.
Oh, yeah, I feel like you have to see them live
for it to be funny.
Like, if you just do it,
and then they're, like, at their home
and their phone goes off,
like, you don't get any satisfaction from that.
It's the same thing about, like, the malware people.
Like, you just get the little chuckle
knowing that you fucked them. Yeah. There used to be that one where when i was at high
school people would send it and they'd send like a news link being like school's canceled for today
snow day and people would send it when it was like snowing and we thought there was going to
be a snow day and then you'd click on the link and it would just be the dude with the big dick
the black dude yeah that's yeah And you'd be like, fuck.
Fuck. Not again. Now I'm horny. And now I have to jerk off
to this bus on the way to
school.
The one we used to get was it would be a fake link. You clicked it
and it would be the song, you spin me.
Oh yeah, the meat spin.
The guy getting fucked in the ass.
There was a tally at the bottom.
If you got to 100, it was like, you're gay.
It didn't take 100 to watch a guy.
It takes 100 spins of a guy's dick.
Set it as a homepage on your friend's computer.
So they'd open up Internet Explorer and just be a dude getting fucked while his dick swirled around.
Spin, Lemon Party, Mr. Hands, Tub Girl.
The glass guy, the guy pooping the glass out.
That one's the worst.
It's jar guy
Jar guy
Right
I should do a
Where are they now
Yeah internet one pointer
They're all dead
They're all dead
All one of them is alive
100%
Internet one pointer
Was the best
It was just like
Very harmless
Fucking with each other
Mr. Hand's guy
Is dead
He was killed by
All of them
All of them
All these guys are dead.
He let a horse fuck him and it ruptured his
colon. Oh my god. If you go
into porno, that's probably
the leading killer
of people under 35.
It's doing porn. Porn stars and wrestlers.
They all just die. They all die early.
I think it's probably better now.
Porn scene?
Nah.
Yeah, because now you can take everyone's money.
They took the power back and they're making money.
Yeah, I don't want to.
But that's just fleeting.
Just be taking advantage of it.
Porn stars would get paid like 40 bucks to get fucked for three hours.
Doug, get this off.
We need a palate cleanser.
Oh my god.
Wait, did we find the sheep getting sheared?
Yeah, let's get the sheep getting sheared.
Oh, that would be a good palate cleanse.
Oh, here it is. Here it is.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
This isn't even a video.
Now it's resting at an animal sanctuary.
Video itself is long.
What a haircut.
They gave us the six-second version, bro.
But I bet you that sheep was warm as fuck.
It looks kind of cozy in there.
Is it the techno version?
That's what I'm saying.
No animal could kill that.
You can't bite through that.
Dude.
Good defense.
The one I saw was very emotional.
Wow, that's crazy.
Because you're more like...
He looks good.
We cut the hair off a sheep.
Usually you look bad right after a haircut.
A sheep named Barack was found in the woods.
Oh, you're doing the...
Yeah, that one guy.
Oh, yeah, he does the best list.
Number 15.
Number 15.
It's chilled.
Barack the Sheep.
Barack the Sheep
had 90 pounds of wool
on his body.
What is the one with the lettuce?
Burger King Footlet.
Number nine. Burger King Footlet and Lettuce. The Burger King foot lettuce. Number nine.
Burger King foot lettuce.
Dude, I love that guy.
Number 15.
Burger King foot lettuce.
Such an appealing list.
Someone's foot fungus,
but as it turns out,
that might be what you get.
This kid raps now.
A 4chan-er uploaded a photo anonymously to the site.
He does some cartoon voice acting now, too.
Showcasing his feet in a plastic bin of lettuce with the statement.
There it is.
He does it on purpose, right?
I don't know.
Admittedly, he had shoes on.
It's so funny.
But that's even worse.
The post went live at 11.38 p.m.
Every video he does is that list.
Hey, what happened with Tom Cruise? Because Dave just texted me rundown stuff and he does is that list. Hey, what happened
with Tom Cruise?
Because Dave just texted me
rundown stuff
and Tom Cruise is on it.
Anyone want to film him?
He's in a movie?
He jumped out of a plane
to thank people
for going to see
Top Gun Maverick.
I don't know.
There's also some new movie
that he's going to,
where he like,
it was on Lights Camera
or whatever,
like on our movie podcast, he like rides a motorcycle off of a cliff or some shit like
that and like base jumps, does it into a base jump or something.
There was like a behind the scenes video that they just put out today about it.
He does his own stunts?
Oh, okay.
Oh, no.
No, did you see this?
Oh, no.
What?
This is Mission Impossible.
He just got canceled.
Oh, wait, what?
Oh, so it's something totally different.
I'm just kidding.
I just wanted to feel alive for a second.
I felt alive.
Oh, yeah?
I did, too.
I was about to go on Twitter.
I've always hated Tom Cruise.
Did you?
So I feel like he's not cancelable.
I don't think he is.
Everything else.
Yeah, he's crazy.
We know it, yeah.
He's the Rico of Hollywood.
Yeah.
He's coming back for more.
Yeah.
Did you guys, I haven't cringed in a while, but watching Salt Bae try to get Messi's attention
after the World Cup.
Oh, I want to see it because it's also on the rundown.
Oh, I hate stuff like that.
Oh my God.
I didn't see it.
Oh, he.
He was like grabbing him by the hip.
He was not letting him go.
He was trying to redirect him and that makes me think that Salt Bae has like refused some
women's refusals of his advances.
I've never seen such a persistent man.
He's on his Mike
Malloy shit. Trying to get messy.
Who is like
the most famous guy in the world.
In the biggest moment of his career.
He just keeps on.
I saw a longer video.
Even worse, he committed a big no-no.
He held the World Cup trophy.
He'll never win it.
He'll never win it.
Yep.
Where's he from?
He is Turkish.
Oh, definitely.
But he has a restaurant, like, in Chelsea.
Yeah, that's right.
And it's, like, $600.
The hamburger is $200.
There's no one in there.
It's like, oh, I'm fucking shocked.
He uses, like, a default Microsoft Word phone.
He got to them eventually.
Okay.
Oh, what a clown.
And the guy's like, what?
Large taught me, kind of like touching a trophy,
if you hold a boxer's belt, you can only hold it like this.
You can't put it over your shoulder unless you've actually won a championship.
Then you earn the right to throw it over your shoulder.
I think he did what he wanted.
I've lifted up the Stanley Cup.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
He's really all up in there.
Oh, wow.
I'll never win one.
But it shows how persistent he was. Oh, it's in his mouth. Oh, my God. He's too much. That's too much. wow. I'll never win one. But it shows how persistent he was.
Oh, it's in his mouth.
Oh, my God.
He's too much.
That's too much.
That's too much.
Bro, look at his net worth, too.
Why?
It's insane.
No.
He's a rich bastard, and it's infuriating.
I'm dying for him to get canceled.
Him and Tom Cruise.
He's uncancelable.
Salpe?
0.5 million?
6 million? No. 6 million, Ron? That's his monthly income.5 million? 6 million?
No.
6 million wrong?
That's his monthly income.
I saw like 90 million
somewhere.
That's his salary.
Oh, yeah.
So he's probably up there.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Being a smart businessman.
I'll tell you,
I definitely thought
it was going to be
like 10 billion
or some shit when you...
70 million?
Pretty impressive.
God damn it.
70 billion billion This guy
Fuck this guy
70
Salt bae
Richest
Richest celebrity chefs
Number 10
Got
Famous from cooking steaks
Salt bae
Number 14
Sass you got all kinds of lip repair
On the
On the desk
Well this is for my stitches, apparently.
They gave me those.
Oh, dude, don't do that.
You'll get infected.
What is that, Aquaphor?
That will get it infected.
Don't do that.
Don't do that, Sass.
When my son got circumcised, I was so paranoid.
The aftercare, I was so, so paranoid when my son did the nurses were like
beautiful circumcision what okay that was fantastic yeah he's got a great dick they give
you for like weeks after not weeks after but you have to keep putting the stuff on it and changing
it and i was like wearing gloves i was like so i was so afraid of that. TMI.
How did it turn out?
Pretty good?
Beautiful.
That's good.
I just like the idea of saying beautiful. That's so good.
Beautiful.
Wow, who did this?
He's going to be using this thing a lot.
Yeah.
Do you mind if I ask who performed this?
Yeah.
It was wow.
Is this a Goldberg?
Yeah.
I know that work anywhere.
No, this is a Levy, isn't it?
How did you get it? He's been booked up for the year? Yeah. I know that work anywhere. No, this is a Levy, isn't it? How'd you get it?
He's been booked up
for the year.
I could...
Pick one out of a lineup
anywhere.
I could tell
a Shlomo's theme
from anywhere.
I can smell his work.
Someone's got to start
mixing it up.
There's his trademark
right there.
Yeah.
Like a line in the side of the head.
Walter White.
Tired of doing these like everybody else.
It's blue.
It's so pure.
Holy shit.
I've never seen anything this pure.
Just like a dude
the urinal next to you is big. Really?
Dude, same doctor.
What the hell?
We're penis twins.
Oh, man.
All right, I got to do the rundown.
This has been a good yak.
Very fun yak.
What do we have?
So is everyone here the rest of the week?
Yeah.
We're saying goodbye to Zah.
Yeah, man.
Peace out.
Have a great day, Zah.
Great trip.
Zah.
Yes, sir.
See you next year.
Whoa.
Damn.
You're the first one To hit me with that one
Damn
Yeah
You could be the first
To wish us a happy new year though
Time zone wise
Oh yeah
I'm gonna be
Hit that
Hit that phone
Actually I won't be able to
I'm gonna be on safari
Oh
Out in the bush
I thought you meant
Like the browser
If you get a couple
Get a couple videos
Of some of these animals, see what I
can do to them. Oh yeah. Fuck them up.
Oh yeah. Let them know, hey,
just, maybe if you see an elephant, just
whisper in his ear being like,
big cats. Big cats got your number.
Do we have shows every day?
When's our next, uh,
are we off on Friday? Friday's
the Christmas special, three hour Christmas special
for everyone. I cannot recommend it enough.
It was.
I really was like smiling ear to ear coming home from it because it was just so much fun.
Will that Christmas special be showing a different intro?
Maybe.
First episode back.
No intro.
First episode back.
Yeah.
And then so we'll be here Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
Christmas special Friday.
And then we won't be back until January 3rd.
Tuesday, January 3rd.
January 2nd is a day off for everyone.
Hell yeah.
I'm giving everyone permission.
Rose Bowl's that day.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
I got you.
I got you, bro.
Thank you so much.
I wouldn't make you work on a Penn State Rose Bowl day.
I know.
That's fucking going to be massive.
We only go every year.
You'll probably be at like MoMA or something that day. I know. That's fucking going to be massive. We only go every year. You'll probably be at like
MoMA or something that day.
I am.
I'm going to.
I have a New Year's activity.
Old Lang Syne.
All right.
We'll see everyone tomorrow.
We'll see you next time. Peace out, everybody.
Merry Christmas if you do it.
Happy holidays if you don't.