The Yak - Big Cat Had Himself a Weekend at the Carnival (ft. Stuff Island) | The Yak 5-20-24

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

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We got special guests here today. We got Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor from Stuff Island. Should we clap? Yeah, I don't have to. You don't have to. We were just talking before. You guys are obviously, what would you say? Are you, where are you ranking?

Like, if Shane's Adam Sandler, who's Rob Schneider and who's? Jesus Christ, we're going to start with this right away? Immediate fightate So my question Shane gave you this question My question was when you guys Watched Shane try to fight Or Stephen Chay try to fight Shane Were you watching being like I want to get in there and beat

The fuck out of Stephen Chay because we do want to beat The fuck out of Stephen Chay every day Yeah I mean I can imagine Not against him but yeah Of course I wanted to fight that guy. No, I was sitting there watching. Based on appearance alone. Don't fight. Don't fight.

Yeah, that would have been, you know, especially if you lose. What was the resolution to that? Did Chay apologize? I think so. I think he cried a little. I actually think he cried a little bit. Was his job ever actually in jeopardy? No.

No. But I think he cried a little bit. They both got a little drunker? Yeah. They hugged? Wait, he cried the next day out of? No, I think he cried that night. Did they go to the bar?

I had to walk him down the hall. Yeah. I remember. I've seen the clip a hundred times. What started it all? Franks. And Shane not saying what he orders a chinese food restaurant we were so drunk yeah and i was also a very big part of like like making that a problem by just continually saying just the anxiety having that on tape having like waking up the next day and having a helmet painted

on you don't you don't look at yourself when you're drinking that much for that long you forget Having that on tape and waking up the next day and having a helmet painted on your fucking face. Well, that's the thing. When you're drinking that much for that long, you forget you have face paint on. Right. So you're acting like a complete asshole, thinking your regular face is there. And we taped those, too. Like, that's not live. Imagine if it was live. We caught a lot out. Yeah.

It's even worse. How close was it to an actual fight? I don't think it was ever very close. He was in a box, right? Because I think Shane... You have let it happen. I would have let Shane beat Shane's ass. Who's most likely to throw the first punch of those two?

I think Shay. I think if Shane had stood up, we would have had a problem. Shane would have kicked his ass, and I think we all kind of were rooting for that. That was also the best part, is people in face paint breaking up a fight. You guys are being nuts. The whole scene.

Oh, man. Will Compton's just like, everyone calm down. Like a belly shirt. Like he was stinging. He's got his pants off. He's got a gem in his belly button. Roasting his small dick the whole time. Let's be adults here, boys.

Guy played in the NFL for nine years, and we're just sitting there like, what a loser. But, yeah, welcome. Thanks for having us. You guys got shows tomorrow night in Chicago, so if anyone wants to go. Yeah, please come. We added a second show at the last minute. Yeah, so you have to come.

So please come. We made a real ballsy decision. Sold out the first one, and now we're going to be embarrassed when the second one has eight people. Please come. How a real ballsy decision Sold out the first one And now we're gonna be embarrassed When the second one has eight people Please come How has it been You guys have been doing How many shows have you done so far on the tour? Just one?

No we did like seven or ten Yeah yeah Total we've probably done like yeah Twelve What city let you down the most? Raleigh Raleigh Raleigh was the Stephen Chair

Yeah yeah I would have fucked Raleigh up one by one. Speaking of Stephen Chay we do have a clip he's on vacation right now. I don't want to pay

this any mind. But at the same time he's a content master. Nick's lose to my pacers and he doesn't show up for work. Yeah that's true.

Interesting. He runs off to Mexico. It's true. What kind of vacation can he take how's he doing financially yeah yeah he's doing pretty well all right really yeah okay yeah let's ask him how much he makes i know how much he's doing pretty well he's in mexico yeah yeah but mexico could be very well Yeah You don't know which one it is

He's Steven's done a good job Of like he I basically have him work For me as a professional Like antagonist Like for my coffee company I was like

Hey I want you to be part of this And all he does Is just annoy me Being like You gotta do this Remember to do this But he's really good at that Okay

Like he's detail oriented So he's good at like remembering things and telling you to do things yeah pisses me off that's my least favorite kind of person yeah but in defense of steven shea i could literally tell him like to his face like i fucking hate your guts and he'd be like cool buddy and just like like we're in like fist pound be like yeah but we're still buddies right is he autistic uh yeah that's a good question not for around here all right yeah yeah here not for here at all okay in this in these walls yeah he's one of our most normal guys he's not top 10 yeah but if you put him out in the gen

pop it's yeah yeah if you release him he really is like the mendoza line of barstool yeah if you're it's a normal guy here but yeah if you're worse than shay you have a problem if you release him. He really is like the Mendoza line of Barstool. Yeah. It's a normal guy here. If you're worse than Shea, you have a problem. If you're not, then you're right in the middle. Yeah. Well, hopefully he picks a fight in Mexico and can't make it back. But, yeah, TJ, do you have the clip?

So he's in Mexico on vacation doing handstands. Well. My handstand 2024 edition. 2024 edition? There's other editions? Wait, has he done one before? He tweeted rate my handstand. And then he just doesn't do a handstand. That's not a handstand.

He's in a pool, so it just automatically. That's not a, yeah. That's a somersault, I think. I'm confused by, yeah, 2024 edition. He's done it before. Can we search his tweets saying handstand? Has he done it before? Oh, man.

This is what, like, a niece does to a drunk uncle. Yeah. Yeah. Watch me do a handstand. Watch me do a handstand. Get your head. Lauren, show it. Jay does act like a young niece.

A young niece. He's so... Where are the cartels when you need them? Oh. So this is the first one. He's so Where are the cartels when you need them? He's not Oh So this is the first one Oh this is the first annual And it wasn't a handstand

I actually don't have a problem with this guy I hope he perfects his handstand and goes on Oh he'll keep trying His wife will be there with the camera the whole day Just doing handstands Watching him do handstands They have kids? Yeah Okay With the camera the whole day, just doing handstands, watching him do handstands. They have kids? Yeah.

Okay. Listen, you could say whatever you want about Stephen Che or his kids, and it won't be the worst thing that's ever said about either of those guys. Yeah, that's... You guys have, like, actual fights in this place? I kind of fucked him up, to be honest. Oh, yeah. KB actually, like, hurt his honest. Oh, yeah. KB actually

hurt his shoulder pretty bad, gave him a concussion. Yeah, but not serious. No one has ever fist fought or even come close, I think. Brandon pushed a guy. That wasn't here. The high noon can toss. Yeah, Rico almost killed a guy. That was B.C., wasn't it?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the dude that wigs the fuck out all the time? Yeah. Yeah, that kid's a powder keg dude. Yeah, he is. Didn't he just get fired? No, he tried to say that another company offered him money, and then he left for two days and then came back.

You get to decide between Rico and Che to bring on a weekend excursion with friends that they don't know oh who are you picking who are you trusting rico no it's che che it's che che can be normal i don't i think it's rico yeah che cannot be normal i think rico can they can blend in for a while i think i think you when you just cross your fingers, he doesn't snap. No, but here's the thing. When you go on a group trip, like if you go on a bachelor party, someone's going to probably be the butt of the joke a lot. Rico can't take that.

Che could. Everyone could rip on Che for two days straight, and he'd be like, that was the best trip of my life. But Che is like a representative of you. I don't want my friends to think I'm a loser. True. That is true. He's an extension of, he's underneath my whole life.

I mean, I've said it before. Che is going to be, I'm going to be paying Che personally for like the next 50 years. But Rico too. That might happen with Rico too. Yeah, that's true. And Jerry. Oh yeah, you have three. I have three of them.

Like in 50 years, Barstool will be dust. And it'll just be like monthly check to all three of these guys. Why are we paying them? I don't know. Kate, who do you hate? What's that? Who do you hate? Who do I hate?

I love Jay. I don't hate Jay. No, I don't hate Jay. I've said to Jay a million times, I hate Jay. But I love him. We do. Everyone has that one friend. Like, I hate him, but I love him.

Yeah, I don't. No? I feel like you guys have that relationship. Oh, yeah. Well, 100%. That's different. You guys ask to sit apart. Like, I don't want to sit apart You're like

I don't want to sit next to you Yeah yeah We've come a long way To be honest What do you mean? We hated each other in the beginning When he first moved into our apartment When me and Shane lived together

Yeah I fucking hated him Why? Because he was getting in on you I didn't have any feelings about you whatsoever I know No I didn't hate him He didn't come out of his room And he was like

Just a depressing little eeyore. Yeah, not much has changed. We just live in different places. Yeah, that's why we're happy. Who would have thought being over 40, living with another fucking 40-year-old, really get under your skin? In Austin, do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, I live with my girl.

Oh, shit. Never mind. Yeah, you want to talk stories? No, I was going to say say Do you clean up in Austin Because you're like You know a Philly guy And like everyone's like Who's this

Visually Yeah I do alright Right There's no wops there So it's like I'm an anomaly Right

It's like the end of like Of Goodfellas It's all You're walking out And just being like Yeah they got ketchup And egg noodles It's fat white guys

With beards And fat Mexicans Yeah And you're something different. I'm a greaseball. That's a fat town? Austin? Yeah. Kind of. It's thinning out. That's what I would expect.

A lot of the transplants are fit. It's not like Kansas City. The OGs are fat. It's Chunkamonk City, for sure. Yeah, the fattest city. I would put Austin as a skinny city. I think Chicago's fat. It's Chunkamonk City for sure. Yeah, the fattest city. I would put Austin as a skinny city. I think Chicago is fat. Yeah. Chicago's fat. Husky.

They carry it well. Milwaukee's fat. Milwaukee's real fat. But it's powerful. It's a different touch. Sturdy. There's a heft to it. It's like a power. Like green base of power. What's a gross fat city? Okay.

Oh, no, Brandon. Anchorage, Alaska, I thought was just a gross city. Do we really have to shit cake on Mississippi right now? I like this. We've been through enough. This isn't Louisiana. Louisiana has the best food. A lot of fatties.

It's all the south. It's the south. Yeah, it does appear to just be the south. Well, I guess it depends on how fat you are. But, yeah, Austin, to me, San Antonio, that's the fattest city. Charles Barkley. Yeah, Charles Barkley. He just gets away with saying the women are fat on TV.

He really does get away with it. He's like, have another churro, fatties. Everyone's like, Charles is the best. That's great. Which I have no problem with it, but it is kind of crazy. Yeah. There's Austin. He kind of got grandfathered in.

Get out of here. Billy. Billy, wow. 67. And that, like, number one. Wait, does it get fatter as you go down? I think it thins out. Once you're at 75, though, that's not a fat town.

What's the most fit? It's got to be Boulder or San Diego. I think San Diego has all the- Oh, yeah. Of course. Wherever I moved out of. Honolulu was incredible. Incredible bodies.

Really? Yeah. Everywhere? Yeah. How did you compare? Look at that. Bad. Wow.

Yeah. Portland? Hey, how was the Preakness? Started off cold. Look at that Bad Wow yeah Portland? Hey how was the preakness? Um Started off cold I thought my flight was From O'Hare To

Baltimore It was from Midway To DC That is a cold start I caught it Yeah I caught it I was so close to O'Hare

And that's when I caught it Got there in time And on my flight I think I'm going to DC now I caught it. Yeah, I caught it. I was so close to O'Hare, and that's when I caught it. Got there in time. And on my flight, I think I'm going to D.C. now. Indianapolis. Emergency landing. Contaminated fuel. Oh, shit.

Yeah, so that sucked. That is as cold of a start as you can get. We used to go to Preakness every single year in college. We would rent a school bus, do coke, piss on the bus. I don't know if I can say it. Oh, yeah. What? Let it fly, dude.

I don't know. Doing coke, piss on the bus. What do you think stopped the fight with Shane and Shay after we stopped recording? Coke. Yeah, let's all go. Yeah, yeah. We all just got together and had some business ideas. It's like one straw with separate.

You said in college because it was a young crowd. Oh, dude, it was the best. You could bring in as much beer as you could carry. Yeah. The end of the day in the infield was like fucking dangerous. The Preakness was like the Super Bowl for fingering, dude. Oh, yeah. Public fingering. You blast fucking dangerous. Preakness was like the Super Bowl for fingering, dude. Oh, yeah. Public fingering. I'm glad you said that.

You blasted at the Preakness? Oh, yeah. Sounds like you posted. In college, it was insane. I don't know if they changed the rules for the infield or whatever, but there used to be so much beer after the final race that people would just start throwing beers at one another. People would run across the pool to parties.

Did you ever do it? No. You could die. I know. It rocked. Wait, that's at the Preakness? Yeah, the running of the port-a-potties. I don't know why I thought that was an Indy.

No. Well, the Indy 500 is similar. The Snake Pit is way bigger and more people. This was kind of a light crowd, to be honest. The Indy 500 is just a bunch of college kids camping out for three days, and then when you're camping out, you just have to start drinking the minute the sun comes up.

Yeah. Because there's nothing else to do. It's the best. And it's just like, we were staying there, and a guy got stabbed, and no one... Like, someone got stabbed to death. Every year. And everyone was like, ah, whatever.

Every year. The coke lot. Yeah, the coke lot, yeah. Yeah. Race day, when you wake up and you hear someone... What, Indianapolis 500? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's nuts. Yeah, like, ah, whatever. Every year. The coke lot. Yeah, the coke lot. Yeah. Race day when you wake up and you hear someone say. What, Indianapolis 500? Yeah. Yeah.

It's nuts. Yeah, they got stabbed to death. There's shit that pops off every Saturday night before the race. Yeah. And this year, the Pacers are going to play in Indy Saturday night before the race. Holy shit. They're going to play the Celtics, so it could get even rowdier. When I was in the snake pit, I think one year, three borderline children died from heat exhaustion.

What's a borderline child? Throughout the whole day, kids, like young adults and kids, were getting carted off. Yeah. People were just dying. Heat exhaustion. Dying. There were just bodies on the, like you, and you'd go over and check.

I've been to many Indy 500s, and you have to go over, and you're like, oh, this one's down. This one's down. There's like like a battlefield. Like I love it. But it sounds like you had a similar experience in that when I went to Indy 500, I was like 32. And the whole time I was like, damn, I wish I was 22. I was too old at like 26. There's no worse feeling than being at like the greatest party and being like, I'm just 10 years too old. Yeah. That's kind of how it was this weekend. As soon as I disembarked, mid-disembark, the Uber kiss coined. Really?

Uber driver? What? Oh, no, a dude. Oh, yeah. And you kissed him? Oh, yeah. Wait, what? You kissed a dude as soon as you got there?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, well, we're going to have to explain this one. I thought he was sending the pic to T. It was a merch pic to T.E. It was a merch idea we had. We created 500 limited edition coins, yak coins, and for some reason we said that if you pull a yak coin out on us in public,

we'll kiss you. You guys, is that the Ivan boys? Yeah. So we basically live in constant fear wherever you go that this could happen to you I had to kiss a dude in front of my dad At a Mets game That's just called a Mets game

Yeah They're all good A cheat kiss? It was a dude that was in our seats too Oh no Wait hold on Your buddy pulls a coin Says you gotta make

Not my buddy Stranger So yeah We've sold oh you sell them we sold 500 of them they're out in the wild oh my god Ronan and I we went to Philly to do the dozen trivia

I don't know about brilliant that's so sadistic like a year and a half ago Ronan and I were in Philly for our dozen trivia we're going back to the parking lot to drive back to New York, and a guy's like across the street, like, I got a kiss coin, and Ronan and I started sprinting to my

car, and we're like, we gotta go, we gotta go, and then he got to us, and we both had to kiss him. Wait, is it like, is it like one of these where if you see him, you gotta do it? Much like that. Yeah. These guys just randomly. Oh, that's alright. Yeah. I thought it was on the mouth. Yeah. I have, I've done mouth. Oh, yeah, see? Yeah. These guys just randomly. Oh, it's all right. Yeah.

I thought it was on the mouth. Yeah. I have. I've done mouth. Oh, yeah. See? Yeah. I've done mouths.

I've done mouths. Yeah. It's one of those things we just did and we didn't really think of the ramifications. That rules. Yeah. And there's more than 500 now, right? I think there might have been inflation. Yeah. We were like, yeah. We were like 1930s Germany.

Let's just print them all. Have you found any counterfeit coins? I'm actually mad that you did. That's really fucked up because I don't know what they look like. I kind of black out when someone pulls it. There's a kiss coin. I'd fall for a 50 cent piece. All I got to do is hold up something

I'd be dropping Sacagaweas on us If the dude's good looking enough He could just say he has it Yeah That's hard to explain to people who don't know There's a lot of that On this show I've had to kiss in front of my wife

I have my wife in Phoenix Or wherever, Scottsdale But it's a cheek kiss I don't know what these guys do I passionately kiss I have my wife in Phoenix or wherever, Scottsdale. But it's a cheek kiss. Yeah, who gives you a cheek kiss? I don't know what these guys do. I passionately kiss. Oh, really? On the lips?

I passionately kiss. I cup ass. I make it worth their while. You know what's weird? I've been to a ton of events and I've never had one. Oh, no. You've never cashed out? Oh, no.

That is great. Weird. You guys can toss a finger up there. Nothing? And you've been to a lot of events. A lot of events. No. You is great. Weird. You guys can toss a finger up there. Nothing? And you've been to a lot of events. A lot of events. No. You're always out.

Everywhere that we are, you're there. There's got to be hundreds of thousands of dudes beating off to you. I hope so. I hope so. I mean, just. I wonder how many, though. Right? Probably a lot.

It's got to be a lot. Barstool fans? It's got to be a lot. I saw a dude do a come tribute to titus once what i come tribute bring it out his picture and if you could if you could get a list of all the guys that have jerked off to in your life would you want to see that absolutely oh i would love it i want that bad probably be it would it would actually hurt me if it was a short list but who in the like what if it's a lot of people in his office? Mooks and Steven seats, Mook.

Pause, dude. Okay, no? What if Mook was on that list? That would ruin some things. Is Mook as ugly as it sounds? Whoa! Come on, Tom. Mook's a funny guy.

Sorry, buddy. You can't see your face Behind the screen You look great Thanks man But have you? No Answer the question No

No No No No Little belly sauce to Katie Belly sauce Stephen Chay is a Is a belly sauce guy

He's He says that He comes in his own belly button Boy do I miss this that's gross yeah no shit it's gross does he just let it dry he calls it a hot pot he does he's got an innie or an outie uh i don't know i don't want to know i think yeah go back to that handstand video it's gotta be but we had a few dudes who copped to that Yeah there was more than I would have liked To be like yeah why don't you come on yourself

Is he aiming for it? I don't know Maybe Wait They beat off dry and that's just where it always ends up They just go right on themselves They're fine with that I'll sign up for that

You do that regularly? I don't Yeah I have a huge aversion I'm laying down You're just coming on yourself? I don't. Yeah. I have a huge aversion. I'm laying down. You're just coming on yourself? I'm not going to roll over like a seal and beat off on the couch. Why are you on the couch?

Seal? I live alone now. I'll jerk off wherever I want, pal. Disgusting. No, you just lay down, you know? And then you just stand up and you're like... I don't stand up. How do you clean yourself? I jerk off laying down all the time. Jerking off standing up is

insane. Well, no, it's not insane. You never done a quick one in the shower? No, because I get beat off anywhere else. I guess that's true. It's nice in the shower. Yeah, it is because there's no cleanup. Nah. Yeah, it's part of the wash. Also, all it takes is a tissue.

It's a very simple cleanup. Yeah, why don't you just put the tissue on top and just... Right, exactly, dude. This is going to come in all over. Oh, yeah, and then guys were saying they would plate their chest. I thought that was even weirder. Just jerking off with a lobster bib. Plate your chest.

Just open up a to-go bag. Wait, so you're just coming all over yourself all the time. Yeah, but dude, I don't have, I'm not a fucking backshot. Yeah, but what does the cleanup, so you stand up and then you waddle to the bathroom? This is not a big, giant load here. We're talking, I beat off like three times a day. Okay, but what if, let's say, there is a big load. Are you like, I can't.

I've never had a big load. Never? I mean, I'll get a pop once every year. Ever hit yourself in the eye? No. But that could happen. I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd be still running in a parade, dude.

But there's a. I can shoot like that. There's a 0% chance I will come in my eye. There's not a 0% chance you will not come in your eye. Dude, what I'm telling you, I empty the tank. There's no way

I can get to that point. But you see what I'm saying? Like, it's a- I will never come in my own eye. You can't say the same thing about yourself. I'm telling you right now, I've done the research.

I fucking will not ever come in my eye. I still think there's a chance. Apparently his jizz comes out like tapping like a maple tree yeah like in an Airbnb in Indianapolis you turn on that sink you're like oh fuck no but if you don't jerk off for a little while you can shoot yeah you should do it yes I gets up I am gonna do that for I'm getting my sperm tested so you got to go three to five days that was that one I'm gonna like i'll stand up for that one dude in the lab jerking off into a little cup and they get the they have like in

those labs they have uh like old school vhs apparently yeah magazines throw it back yeah like you just use your phone oh yeah why would i touch anything I can't believe you just come all over yourself. Well, I should have said it, but I'm not ashamed. You've got to have a hairy chest, too. Yeah, there's definitely cum on your chest right now. It's in the fibers. You don't get it all out. I do wash.

Yeah, but you can't. I don't think you get it all out. It's so hard to wash that out. Do you do a wet wash, or do you just take a dry towel and wipe? I'll do a cum chest. Because that is the problem with the shower jerk-off is sometimes some toe hairs get... Oh, my God.

You go, oh, shit. It doesn't go down the drain. It's like a big loogie, right? No, you just kick it down the drain. How viscous are you, man? I'm still cloudy, baby. Yeah, you... If we took a blacklight out, we'd find some cum.

Is this a bet? Why don't we have one? Yeah, that's shocking we took a blacklight out, we'd find some cum. Is this a bet? Why don't we have one? Yeah, that's shocking that we don't. Have you jerked off today? Yes. After a shower or before? Before. I bet you there's...

No, I jerked off before. And you shot it onto your tummy? Yes, sir. Every time. You do that three times a day. I don't know why this is so absurd. I don't want it covered in my own spunk. You just get a wipe, get a wet wipe, see ya.

It's just also psychologically confusing. You're coming on yourself. Correct. It's really weird. You're just standing there with your throbbing dick with cum on yourself? Yeah. Hey, Tommy, I'm with you.

I'm with you, brother. Thank you, Mook. That's not good. That wasn't good. That was not good Yeah but Mook I mean have you seen I don't know why this is Fucking so insane

It sounds like that movie Like Split or whatever You throw yourself a towel And say clean up Let's say no one's home Whether you have a wife Or whatever the fuck You go home

You're horny Yeah What's your go to Where do you go I jerk off into old underwear Whether you have a wife or whatever the fuck. You go home, you're horny. Yeah. What's your go-to? Where do you go? I jerk off into old underwear. And I'm fucking weird? Yeah, that was a wrinkle right there.

What do you mean? We were on the right path there, Chris. I don't have a lot of tissues in the house. Chris, we were on an intervention with Tommy. And you're like, oh, yeah, what are you talking about? My socks. I just do that. It's going towards the watch. But you said you're like, oh yeah, what are you talking about? My socks. I just do that. It's going towards the wash. But you said you bonnet.

You make a little bonnet over there? Yeah, yeah. I'm fucking shooting it in there. You stand up and hold your old underwear? No, no, no.

Because I rope. So it fires in there. You just hold the old underwear. I don't drizzle out. Jerking it off in your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you throw it

right in the hamper. It's used. So you're not wasting it. This is fucking insane. The fact that so you're not wasting this is fucking Zero support here is saying I don't think Let's go see person's full. How do you jerk off the shower guy jerk off the disgusting cuz your wife does it too she You're not a wife She know that?

Assumes. Yeah. Okay. Oh, you're a tummy guy too. Belly, belly, belly. The belly belly. I forgot you're a tummy guy. Let's go.

I forgot. That's three. He did that. It is. That's true. He didn't have your back. No, no. This entire time. I'll estimate 80% of the population is a belly guy. For some reason, you're going to connotate it to being gay, and it's true. He didn't have your back. No, no. This entire time. I'll estimate 80% of the population is a belly guy.

And for some reason, you're going to connotate it to being gay, and it's not. It's your own sperm. It's fine. It's natural progression. I don't know. It's pretty close to sucking your own dick. Yeah. I've tried, and it's not.

Also done the research. It's no way. Coming on, giving yourself a cum shot is. Yeah. I'm shower or, yeah, like the top, you know, a little handful of toilet paper. Yeah. Right on top. So then you got to go get toilet paper, then get in your position.

You're laying down and you sit. Well, I'm not. Why did going around the room stop with me? No, he just said. No, go on. You're going. Tell me. Everybody stopped.

Oh, we're good. Shower. You're stupid for never doing shower. I mean, I've done shower. I started with shower. I progressed. Shower was one're stupid for never doing shower I mean I've done shower I started with shower I progressed Shower was when I don't know

So you're saying that I'm eventually going to be a tummy guy? No dude showers when you don't have any space Standing kind of sucks Standing sucks Someday you'll grow up and you'll tell me I'm fine with standing It's also just efficient in the morning Just like getting the shower

It's true but depending on the shower If you got a flat floor it's fine But if you're in that tub situation, you can have a slip and fall. Yeah. You're bowlegged. You can cramp up. You can cramp up. I got a flat shower.

It's just fine. All right. What about you, pal? I'm holding off for PLM if that's on the table. If not, I got a J. What? What's PLM? Passionate lovemaking.

If not, I got a J. Crew blue dress socks. I'm a dress sock guy. J. Crew blue dress guy hey crew yeah give it three give it a three piece then it's a dress doc it's too thin yeah it'll go through it but it's also strangely gritty it's like 300 grit sandpaper no I think it's the softest not low thread count right you thin it's

like busting a cheesecloth yeah yeah dude you can yeah you can wear your dick out You can callous your dick Damn I guess we're all in the wrong There's no really right way There is a right way It's being a man Being mature about yourself

And jerking off on your tongue I'm gonna do it Getting up and cleaning properly That's wrong I'm happy we got this Out of the way Just go Yeah Titus

I'm with Kyle I like to have sex PLM But are you Do you disagree Like if that's an option I'd rather Yeah I would rather do that For sure I'd probably use old laundry

Soccer I just shower I don't know I'd do whatever This is all high school shit I'd do all the above really Except the bear Tommy doesn't That wouldn't We I don't know. We got to the bottom of it. I don't know if I like that one.

Tommy went on the defensive there. This has been really enlightening. Yeah, what is... These are the moments where we forget Kate's in the room. Yeah. Oh, shit. How would you go about doing that? Squirt into some old underwear?

I think... I guess you could just do it on the toilet. Yeah, it's called peeing. There's no difference. You get the tushy, rock it, sit backwards. Oh, yeah. All right. Now we're talking.

Have you ever jerked off on the toilet using a tushy? No, but I... You thought about it? Oh, I bet. No. I mean, I'm not going to say I thought about it. Oh, I bet. No. I mean, I'm not going to say it doesn't feel good. It feels amazing. Yeah.

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Father, oh, I almost read another ad. ShadyRays.com, 35% off. YAK35. I should have started the show with this, but Stanko, I want to thank everyone again. Friday was incredible. I think it was like 35K. 35K. Yeah.

He was over the moon. So appreciate everyone. I'm happy everyone survived that day too. Did anyone get hurt? I was pretty rough shape all weekend. Yeah, well, Nick did have to eat a donut, and he has a gluten allergy. Scrapping all weekend. And we were doing a fundraiser for a guy with stage four stomach cancer.

From coming on it? Yeah. And Nick was complaining about the gluten in a donut. Yeah. Well, that probably fucked him up. Fucked me up. Yeah, well, then Stanko came on, and he was like, I would literally do anything right now to be able to eat a donut.

He's like, I've been drinking. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine.

I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine.

I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine.

I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine.

I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. I wish he could have had mine. Like two years ago Late Yeah way too late Every time I would eat I would get sick When did you find out You're gay

Yeah When I was covered In my own jizz Touche my boy Shit So wait so did you Did you get Fucked up at the pre-kiss

Yeah wait Bad And there's a lot of like Yak fans there And I was i'm i got the level of drunk where i started like promising them gifts a plenty like it's never just like oh thank you i appreciate it have a good time it's like i'm gonna give you a box of whatever you want send me the exact order you want from the merch store so i gotta take care of that did you offer anyone to come on the show all but yeah i'm surprised you were close to that yeah every time i get like

wasted i'll hire like five people oh that's did you win money got too fucked up to even bet process what i would have to do to place a bet. That's perfect. Where were you at? Were you in the infield or were you? Yeah, so it's like a big infield and we were just bouncing around

from like different drinking tents. Yeah. Harlow performed. How'd he do? In the infield? The concert section was weak. There wasn't a big enough crowd, so. Yeah.

What did you guys do? I got taken for a lot of money by a carny at a street festival. Pretty much the most emasculating thing you can have is your kids being like, I want that. And then I spent $40 on darts with the balloons. Didn't hit a single balloon.

Can you just buy those? Can you do side deals with those guys? The worst part is? The worst part is I spent $40, don't hit a single balloon. I'm like, all right, enough already. Fucking guy asked for a picture after. Oh, dude. I was like, you couldn't have given me one of these?

It's crazy. Wait, your kid was like right by you hoping for one? Yeah, he was like, yeah, I want that stuffed animal. And I'm like, I'm trying. You just didn't get it? I couldn't't get it you never got it at all i got one and then like behind the balloon was like what prize do you win and it was like no prize ah you got what's the scam in the dart balloon game a lot of them have no prize behind like i think there's just no prizes so then you hit it and then and then they had the the basketball miss bricked like four shots in a row don't they design those yeah it's

like all slanted and stuff and so yeah it was it was tough it was really tough i did teach my son how to pee in an alley which was like that was i felt it was like one of those moments where i was like i'm finally like i can't teach him to do anything. I'm not handy, cook, anything. But I was like, look, you find a pole, you go behind the pole. And then he went back to my wife and was like, we found a pole. Let's go. How old is he? He's five.

Yeah. Yeah. We finally did it. It's a great age. My only thing I can teach. Just swings the other way and he's just like, I only piss outdoors. Yeah. Why would that?

Is he outside wrong? You got to take him for a walk he's scratching at the door that little bell yeah if he wants to just be an outdoor pisser there's nothing better nothing nothing better than finding a good spot in an alley too where you're like this is impenetrable oh yeah yeah you're like you're behind like a dumpster next to a pole it's like not you're like i could i could live here i could i could just stay here for life yeah i was i was so fucked up once i pissed next to one of those like it was at like a music festival i pissed next to one of those big highway spotlights. That's like the generator at the bottom. And I just realized I was standing in a spotlight and pissing on a piece of electrical equipment.

It's a piece of art. You moved, Nick? Yeah, this weekend. How'd it go? It was fine. My tummy hurt, but other than that, it was a pretty smooth move. Moving is the worst and you know you're not going to be set up for like another month oh no chance yeah how how

was your guys move to austin brutal fucking brutal mayhem yes i didn't have a car for 30 days because my license expired like 10 years ago okay apparently apparently texas if you're an out of state Resident Current resident And you have a license Expiration for Over two years You gotta live there You gotta show residency

For 30 days Oh shit So I just Had to use a lift for 30 straight fucking days Sitting in a stranger's car Wasting Three

Four thousand dollars Between me and my girl Probably Oh yeah Ten years Just fucking hell And then it costs like 10 the estimate is like 10 to 12,000 to move all your shit in a

In a u-haul and then you have to figure like that the workaround is you got to hire local Guys to pack it then you all sends it then you got a higher more local guys. Yeah unpack it. Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare Yeah, also, you're just like in New York without your shit for like three weeks, two weeks. So you're just living like in a tent. Yeah. That's crazy. Are you guys happy to be out of New York? You miss it.

Yeah, I think. Yeah. New Orleans. You didn't answer that question. I kind of asked it poorly. I said, are you happy to be out of New York or do you miss it? You said, yeah. Yeah, I'm happy to be.

Yeah. It was a bad question. I didn't realize how fucking tense the East Coast was until I got away from it. New York City is, yeah. Yeah. You don't realize you just live with more anxiety and stress than any human. Yeah, that's shocking. Going home and not stepping over fucking homeless people and seeing a stranger when I unlock my door is heaven. Yeah.

And everyone just so mad there. Yeah. You scream. That I miss. I miss the edge. Yeah, there is a charm to it. It's a little too soft and quiet. Right, right.

I live in like a cul-de-sac in a sense. It's just. You are good fellas. You don't see it. You are. You just ended good fellas. i'm fucking here now yeah and it's tough like because in new york you you drink a lot because you're furious you know what i mean in texas it's like you walk outside it's nice you're like why can't i drink right now i'm also

i'm like not used to being in that weather anytime Anytime I'm in that weather, I'm allowed to drink at any time. Right, right. So the first three months have just been blackout city, baby. Well, we also haven't been. As soon as we moved there, we've been on this tour. So I'm excited to kind of get entrenched and figure out what it is. Yeah, right. Eat a summer.

Fuck that Texas heat. I don't know. That part I don't understand how people deal with. Apparently you just need to be in water the whole time. You're just either in air conditioning or in water. Just become a fish? Yeah, just sit in a pool. Yeah.

Which I'm not against, but the drinking's going to go off again. That is true. Handstand time, baby. Yeah, yeah. When the sun is out You just Your natural inclination Is like I gotta get drunk Right right I can't

You can't spend all day By a pool and not drink Yeah It's not possible Yeah I wanna drink right now You can I just got back to high noon

Did you Yeah Not as well Yeah Oh yeah How do you guys not Do you guys not drink Every single day

For this Uh I don't I mean I Cause for this? I don't. I mean, because I have kids. I don't know. Roan used to drink. Yeah, we abuse it. We abuse it.

We'll drink on a Wednesday or a Thursday like it's nothing. Yeah, yeah. Problem. Just go out and fucking eat each other on the bathroom. I have a two-hour drive after the show, so I usually don't drink. Throw Brandon one. You have a two-hour drive after the show, so I usually don't drink. Throw Brandon one. No, I... You have a two-hour drive?

Yeah, about an hour and a half. He lives in... Where do you live? Wisconsin. I live in Wisconsin. Basically. Yeah. That was a choice?

Yeah, a great one, too. He loves it. I leave here, and I go to a rural... I go to a house on the lake. Oh, fuck. And I don't do shit. I don't do anything with anybody. I don't know. That's kind of what I love about Oh, fuck. And I don't do shit. I don't do anything with anybody. I don't know.

That's kind of what I love about Austin, too. Like, the downtown area where the clubs are, like a mothership and all that, it's like fucking mayhem. Yeah. It's disgusting in a way

because they, like, block off the streets and it's kind of like Mardi Gras. And then I take a 15-minute Uber and it's just country. Have you guys been on Rogan yet or no? No.

Are you like, when you see him, are you like... He's the fucking man. Just, like, hoping the fucking man just like hoping that he'll be like hey dude i yeah i'm on the podcast i'm not even i'm hoping we have one conversation dude we had a moment the other night where i was just like i was sitting on the balcony in the main room watching uh joey diaz and laughing and rogan came out and we just shared a laugh together and then he left and i went that

was awesome that was great that was great every every every i've only really said hello to him and every handshake i've fucked up oh no fingers in between fingers oh so bad because i'm trying to make eye contact with him and i'm not paying attention to where my hand is. It's like I'm like, yeah, I'm like risking injury every time. Shit. He definitely knows. Oh, yeah. He's like, that's a weird hand.

Shane's friend. I'll never have him on the podcast. I'm deep in the hole with bad hands. I think you got to just admit it. When I do a bad handshake, I just say it right away. Of course. That sucked. Yeah.

Because otherwise, I'll redo it. Because if you have a bad handshake and then you just keep going on, you know that that person's thinking about it, you're thinking about it. It hangs over the whole conversation. Yeah. It's like, we've got to do that again. I know, but then it's like, to do a bad handshake and then try to make a joke about it and have him give you no reaction.

That's the worst case scenario. I'd never get off the mat. That would be down for the count. Have you shook his hands, Tommy? Oh, yeah. How'd it go? Dude, the first. I will say this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, the one was very special, dude. So I went to UFC fight.

Shane took me and Gardini on the road to open for him at the Barrage in Vegas. And Rogan and his guards, like, we were in his truck for, like, a day and a half going to, like, all these events and shit. So I, like, kind of eased in, like, the comfort zone and then shaking hand, shaking hand. And then when I moved to Austin the comfort zone and then shaking hand, shaking hand. And then when I moved to Austin, it was just handshakes, handshakes. And then one night, I got the dab and the pull in.

Oh, that's huge. Which is like getting adorned. Well, you got a Kreischer endorsement. Yeah. That's what put him up. Kreischer. So you guys are just living like the SpongeBob meme where Chris is sitting in the window

out there just shaking hands with Joe Rogan. Yeah. I lit up. I walked away like, fuck, that's a big fucking day. Joe Rogan walked away like, is that cum? Belly boy. Do you think he's aware that everyone he meets has that feeling of like, oh, man. I mean, I feel like you would have to love that

yeah to hold that power yeah that is a lot of power I think he's probably just over he's probably so used to it it's like they'll have to just deal with that they'll get over it yeah and he has security all the time right yeah he's got two guys they're the man is that kind of a move though if he's like

martial arts I'm gonna leave you on an island my mic's not comfortable no no move though if he's like trained in martial arts i'm gonna leave you on an island no i don't just it's just someone i was trained i would if i was trained in the martial arts these this is the only security i would need you should try that out try that bit out it's like hey joe you're kind of a pussy yeah see how that goes always hanging out how does he take like barbs like people i don't know i've only met him once i think it's like anyone else where it's like if it's your friends he's fine but if it's some dude you don't know you're like yeah shut up yeah yeah yeah yeah or like a fan walks

up to you and tries to like fucking say some shit that only your friends say the guy did whisper in my ear when i was with my kids at this festival suck my dick and i was just like dude you've said that about dave before like the best way to get on dave's good side is just like fight back with them yeah which is not it should not be anybody's natural inclination but it is like dave i don't believe that i still don't believe that i still don't believe that like the best way to get dave to like me is to just call him a scumbag piece of shit to his face yeah it's more just yeah maybe it's not that it's more just like showing that you can take it dave also is an all-time bad handshake guy he doesn't shake hands and he does, it's just like limp.

Yeah. Can't shake his hand. I hate a strong handshake, though. Yeah, too strong? Someone trying to make a statement. You give a strong handshake. I do? Yeah, you gave a strong handshake. I give a normal handshake, but I'm not like squeezing and turning and shit.

That I hate. I don't remember handshakes. I wouldn't remember if yours were strong or... Yeah, yeah. Two good handshakes. That's a decent, firm handshake. Strong handshake, I don't remember handshakes. I wouldn't remember if yours were strong or... Yeah, yeah. Two good handshakes. That's a decent, firm handshake. Strong handshake you don't forget when it's like, what are you doing? Yeah.

What are you doing here? You trying to hurt me? Oh, I fist bumped you because I was covered in taco juice. You did fist bump. Taco juice? Well, you just shook my hand about being a belly boy. I did. That was a good handshake.

Yeah. Come buddies. Yeah. Who's the guy who went like mano a mano with Trump? That ruled when they were both pulling each other back and forth. Trump like dislocated Dave's shoulder when he saw him at the UFC. The pull in. Dave's just like, oh, fuck.

That is the ultimate alpha. Just pulling someone in. I think it's the opposite. Really? I think it's the opposite. Really? I think it's super insecure. Insecure, yeah. I agree. Pulling someone in.

I just find it so funny. You should push away. Yeah. I know what you do is, I saw a video once where a guy got yanked, and then he held onto the handshake and let that guy feel comfortable for a second, and then just fucking pulled, just completely took him off his feet. It a nice move you just gotta hang into the hands let that guy's defensives drop because he thinks he's the man he yanked you just a little bit he's gonna relax and then you fuck him up yank back yeah get them all yeah get them all comfortable yeah handshake

and just fucking grab them i'm surprised yeah i don't think i've comfortable in the handshake. And just fucking grab them. I'm surprised, yeah. I don't think I've ever won a handshake. No. I've never initiated. Do you guys initiate like I'm doing a dap, not a shake? Yeah, I... Or do you let the other person... Oh, I've never dictated what type it'll be either.

I'm a huge beta. I let them go in. I like to do the d and the pull in but is it yeah that's what I do and I get run into a lot of issues well you're just hugging people by accident oh I go I like to dap and then hug right and what happens is I'll go for the dap and someone get out of there let's hug oh I was gonna you gotta let yeah yeah yeah I'm trying to create a distance between us yeah I was adding an extra move.

Yeah, we got to add the part where we're like, hey, we're not gay. We're going to dap for. Yeah. Yeah. Do the dance. Do it correctly. It's two steps. Brian, what'd you do this week?

I had I had softball in Barrington on Saturday morning. I watched two girls softball games. J.V. too. I watched two girls' softball games, JV2. I was in the sun, so after a three-hour nap and a couple of vomitings, I got some red wine and I made a fire by the lake, and I sat out there and listened to country music and cried for a little while. You cried? Solo?

Yeah. That looks great. No, the boys were out there. The boys actually did the fire, and they did marshmallows and wieners and all the stuff. That goes right out. That's your house? That's my house.

Damn, dude. Yeah, but I was just sitting out there by the lake. And then Friday, I don't know. Are you tubing on that lake? No, I can't tube. It's not that big. He's got a really small boat. Tiny.

I have a big boat. It can seat three of us. It can seat both of you guys. Big enough. That's plenty. Is that an invite? Anything more than three is pointless. His motor died and he had to jump out.

Well, the motor's on. I don't have a motor. His 11-year-old son had to save him. You're supposed to have an oar in the boat. I have multiple oars. Well, you did in that one time. I did have an oar. I just didn't want to paddle back.

So I told him to come. Wait, really? Yeah. The boat was- It's a very confusing-sized just didn't want to paddle back. So I told him to come here. Wait, really? Yeah. The boat was- Very confusing size lake. You can't paddle back? It's 90 acres. It's a big lake, and it's a big boat.

Can you show them the boat? It's not a big boat. It's a big boat. Can we get- So you could tube then if you wanted to. If I wanted to, sure. I don't have a tube. Oh, so I guess you can't.

It's like $30. Yeah, get a tube. Put your house on a lake, and you're like, I got this. But your question was, it wasn't could you tube, it's do you tube. So I don't. You don't want a tube? Well, I don't tube. Do you have sons?

I have a boat. I have many sons. And they don't want a tube? You guys have many. They want a tube. They have kayaks and paddle boards and whatnot. Oh, they want to. That's not a thrill.

I think you don't tube because the boat can't tube. Have you ever been tubing? This is right up my alley. There's multiple ways to tube. No one's ever been tubing and been like, I don't want to do that. Are you talking about tubing behind a boat or floating? No, behind a boat. Behind the boat, getting pulled real fast.

Look at how big that boat is. Shot that in.5, dude. Dude, you're in the water when you're taking this picture. That boat's huge. There's a full grown man in the boat with a tube on this thing. Huh? Like a tube? Yeah.

Yeah. You don't want to launch any of your sons into the, make a big wave pool and just send them into this? You don't want to fuck up your kids? You don't want to fuck up your kids? You guys are being aggressive now. All I want to do is relax on the lake and chill. Yeah, but I do think that tubing is one of the most fun things in the world.

I'll go tubing this summer. Pound for pound. I don't think you will. I will go tubing. I swear to fucking God I'll go tubing. You want us to pull you together like $40? Yeah, I'll get a tube. Do the boys like relaxing or are they mischievous?

They want to jump off the dock. Walker boys like to relax. No. Yeah, boys like relaxing or are they mischievous? Walker boys like to relax. No. We're relaxing by nature. Paddleboards and kayaks. It's like a lesbian retirement. Generation. Why don't you get them a couple duck boats

and settle down. Kayaking sucks. A teenage boy Going around the lake I'm a kayak hater Saddest fucker Brandon you're raising lesbians You don't like kayaking?

I hate them It's just a workout It's the worst I'll say this I sold kayaks on the beach For three summers In Seattle, New Jersey Yeah

Kayaking the ocean When riding waves One of the funnest things. Well, you still got to get out there. Yeah, you got to get past the breakers. That part sucks. Every time I sit in a kayak, I go like 50 feet, and I'm like, wait, what am I doing? I have to paddle this?

They go pretty easy, though. Yeah, I'm going to spend kayaking on a lake's pretty nice. Yeah. I just like it. I'd rather be on a lake. I'd rather be on a lake. I'd rather be on a lake. I'd rather be on a lake.

I'd rather be on a lake. Yeah. I'd rather be on a boat. Kayaks move by pretty good. Wait, wait. Is tubing I'd rather be on a boat. Kayaks glide pretty good. Is tubing the funnest sober thing a man can do? Sober. Yeah. Just taking out drugs, alcohol, partying.

What is more fun? I mean, a good Madden franchise goes a long way. Oh, my God. Is tubing the most fun thing you can do? Sober. There's other things Skiing maybe Skiing's up there

Skiing's fun Yeah Snowboarding Wave running Nah, tubing's much better Yeah Yeah Your friend driving

I don't know dude You get to a nice fucking dangerous water park Like Seaside Heights used to have a dangerous water park Yeah Being sober at a water park. How dangerous do you need it to be? I mean, I still have like a, I got a hitch in my giddy up from hitting the top of a,

they have this twister one. Yeah. That goes like this. And I went down head first. The guy at the top was like, don't. Because he just saw me. He probably smelled the booze on my breath. I'm not.

He's like, don't. I know you are. By the time I got down i was fucked up dude like it was speed and i hit like the top of the this you know the sphere and then smacked the back down came out backwards the security guard was already at the base of the thing and took me to my locker took my shit out no shit oh the injury wasn't enough no dude i was fighting it i was acting like I wasn't fucked up. I was like, I'm fine, man.

What's the action park? Are you familiar? Yeah, I used to go there as a kid with my brothers. You went? Yeah. What was that one? You saw that documentary, right? Yeah.

Crazy. Is that the one that killed a lot of people? Yeah. It's killed? They had the pool that was like 50 degrees. Yeah. And dude, I'll tell you the most dangerous one was the self-breaking chutes on the concrete. What is that? You know, like you get in like a little cart and you go down like a roller coaster on concrete

where you controlled your own brain. Oh yeah, like a mountain. That was by far the most dangerous. That's got it. And they used to let people in with alcohol, right? That was part of the documentary. It was like people were hammered Fucking lol At this place all day long

Yeah That's one of my dreams Was to have like a An adult water park Yes That would be a blast And you fly into like a You know a lagoon bar type shit

Yes And you put a little more danger On all the rides A little bit You know A little steeper everything A little bit longer launch I like that

But then you have active lifeguards. You guys come on your belly. Trying to get out of this water park conversation. I like it. Do you like wave pools? I love getting fucking wave pools. Wave pools are decent. The wave pools give me anxiety though when you see them in like China and shit. You see the one in India?

Yeah. There's a wave pool in like Pakistan. You can't even see the water. It's crazy. You saw Paki's like a fucking... What is their goal when they get in there? To take a bath. How many kids...

How many kids do you think their first near-death experience is in a wave pool? Mine was. Mine was. Because they allow inner tubes in them too. And you could get a wall of inner tubes above you. That shit gives me anxiety. Seeing all those people yeah one person goes down how the fuck are they gonna know i think i did it once and never did it again

just not something that i enjoyed it's horrific yeah the sandcastle one had a deep end yeah you're just grabbing on to other kids and like pushing them down to save yourself oh it's doggy talk yeah there was fried Twinkies floating around. You know what I mean? Yeah. Is Sandcastle still open? I think so, yeah. Don't water park with rock. That's in Pittsburgh. It would, right?

Yeah. There's no kids allowed. You got to sign a waiver. But then it would end up being... Did you walk in? Sign your life away in a way. Everyone would just start fucking. It would be a sex thing real quick.

No, no, but you... That's how... Whenever they do the no kids, it just becomes a swingers. Yeah, true. That's just what happens. But you got to have security., it just becomes a swingers. Yeah, true. That's just what happens. But you got to have security. You got to have lifeguards.

You got to have a level of corporate ownership and control. Yeah, but how frustrating would it be to be a lifeguard in an adult water park? You're telling grown-ass people, hey, stop running? Look at this. Oh, fuck no no this would scare the fuck out of me i've seen denser droughts i don't know if density is something we want to yeah yeah there's one in like all those guys are in jeans too yeah it would suck to be an adult lifeguard in an adult water park and just watch someone

flail and just be like, come on, dude. You don't know how to swim? 40 years old? Why'd you come to the water park? Yeah, why the fuck did you come here? That would actually be great if that was the rule of the lifeguard. Just be like, we have lifeguards, but they're not going to save you. They don't save you. They're going to roast you.

If they can be assholes, yeah, just roast you the whole time. Yeah, they're like when you go to the restaurants and have the waitresses that are like intentionally mean. Just be like, fucking die. What you think was going to happen, fat ass? Everyone has to wear those like self-inflating life jackets. Yeah. Just like pull it. Just die already.

We're sick of this. It's your fifth one today, Mark. Yeah, I would do an adult. I've been thinking more about your idea of the adult sports leagues that start. KB has an idea. It's not even an idea. It's like I'm confused that we didn't get into this naturally. I never played hockey.

Having a place where I could go and learn how to play hockey without being so embarrassed. It's a bunch of dudes that are the same age being like, let's try to play hockey. Yeah. It would rock. Yeah, just like a camp. Yeah i'd love to go yeah go to adult camp yeah damn people were telling me that is live in the dorms yeah think about all those awkward handshakes getting those fucking dorks rugby does that that's what rugby in america i guess that's what they do there's adult leagues everywhere and especially here in chicago there's a ton of them and that's like you get your friends. You're like, hey, have you ever played rugby?

No. Come on out on Thursday night and blah, blah, blah. And that's, like, they have huge leagues now everywhere. I want sleepaway camp. Yeah. I want sleepaway, like, learning how to play. It'll be you and the 10 guys. Yeah, yeah, just get coached up.

It'll be you and 10 dudes that hate their wife. Yeah. That's a big thing now, too, though. Adult summer camps are, like, taking over. Yeah, yeah. Just get coached up. It'll be you and 10 dudes that hate their wife. Yeah. That's a big thing now, too, though. Adult summer camps are, like, taking over. I hate that. People pay money. That's got to be a sex thing, too. That's all sex.

Oh, that's definitely sex. That's swingers. Camp forever fun. But it's, like, all the fun kids shit, like the blob. Like, you get to jump on the blob. You get to zip line. You get to do all this shit. And you get to do it drunk is the thing.

The blob does the job. What are you doing, Brandon? What is he doing? Why didn't you go to the custodial? Okay, got it. Brandon has diabetes and he won't admit it. So he has

urinary. I mean, I got a pee. You're going to pee real bad. And someone's cleaning the bathroom so he can't go in? Yeah. Why don't you just piss next to him? Good question. Well, he also likes to pee on the ground, so it'd be kind of fucked up to do it in front of him.

You'd see a janitor doing work and you'd just piss? Oh, he's going to have to clean that again? Yeah. Well, it's either before he cleaned it or just after Clean that again Yeah Yeah Well it's either Before he cleaned it Or just after he cleaned it Yeah what's the difference Well you're just like

Kinda It's insulting Right in front of him No it's not What does he think's Happening in there True Yeah but you just cleaned it

But it's also like You're kinda like Mocking him In a way No I'm not I'm not standing there Going like I have to pee You're definitely not Mocking him No I'm with you I think there standing there going like, I have to pee.

You're definitely not mocking him. No, I'm with you. I think there's something about that. Yeah, I think it's disrespectful. So you guys probably won't piss when it's blue, like when the water's blue. No, that's a good time. I'm turning green.

I'll go piss right now in front of the... You're going to piss... I believe it's a... Film it. It's never been a man. This is how you get to be... They got shameless with all piss-related stuff, though, so this isn't a fair test.

No, no. So shitting would be fair. He's going to walk back and be like, I didn't think anything of it. I mean, the man pisses and sinks. He's peed in his seat, right? Yeah, he's pissed right in that chair. Right in his chair.

What? Multiple times. I've peed. Intentionally? We have a wheel. Every once in a while, you have to piss yourself on the show. Yeah. Are you serious? You guys are on that tightest today I made Titus's life if you're on the show his mark started so low but he also lost a lot of prestige so they spin the wheel it's a double

edge thing yeah and it says piss in your seat and you don't go no we've we've learned that you can say that But it's too far gone Wait you can say no? I guess so Wait what? Wait you have to pee no matter how much You have to actually pee? You gotta piss I've never done it I've never been unlucky It's a rare rare occurrence

A lot has to happen There's only been three pisses What else is on this wheel? Mouse trap Wet Fart eliminator Yeah you have to go get in the shower The show can't end A lot has to happen. There's only been three pisses. What else is on this wheel? Mouse trap. Wet. Fart eliminator. Yeah, you have to go get in the shower.

The show can't end. The show can't end until everyone farts. I thought you meant like that drug you did. Yeah. That is fun. Fart eliminator is fun. But then like we hit a stride where we got it every single day for like three days in a row. And we were like bringing in soda and chips and like struggling. So it was like we had to narrow it down. It can only

happen once a month now. Just cheese. That's disgusting. Can I scoop by? She said yeah. Yeah. Not a problem. Yeah. Wait, you went in there anyway? Yeah. Even worse. But there was a bathroom over there and you already knew the car was... I was proving a point.

It was about disrespect. Not a big deal at all. Why on earth would you make that point? Because these guys were saying it was crazy and disrespectful. Dude, I was in a mall. I was proving a point. Yeah. It was about disrespect. Not a big deal at all. Why on earth would you make that point? Because these guys were saying it was crazy and disrespectful. Dude, I was in a mall. No, he doesn't think so. I was in a mall the other day, and I walked into the bathroom, and the lady was like, I'm cleaning it. There's another bathroom.

And I was like, where? She's like, on the other side of the mall. It's like, you're going to- Well, that's fine in a mall. Did you still pee there? No, I had to walk around. I couldn't find it. I understand.

She was finishing with the sinks. I was just like, can I? Right. She was like, yeah, no problem. We know that there's another bathroom, so why would we even go in there? Because they were saying that it was disrespectful. I was like, no, it's not. I think it is a little disrespectful.

I don't think she cares. What's disrespectful about it? She doesn't care. She just got done cleaning it. She's in there working. But someone's going to piss in there eventually. I don't want to be in there working. Let the clean sit a little bit.

If your loved one just cleaned the kitchen, would you just slop some stuff on there? I'm not worried about them cleaning. She's still in there. She is a loved one. Yeah. She's part of the company. She was walking out kind of as we were. We're all one here.

But we have another empty bathroom you could have gone to. Yeah. Are you making a mess when you pee? No. You just go right in the urinal. I'm not Brandon. I don't pee on the floor. That's not me.

That is you. I go straight up. I go so close to the thing, it's like I'm humping the damn thing. I do not pee on the floor. That's too close. I often pee on the floor. She's over it. Give a fuck.

It was a very nice interaction. I said, give me a scoop. She said, yeah, I'm just finishing up. You know who else had a nice interaction? Me, when I saw that she was in there, so I didn't go in there. Well, she wasn't just finishing up when you were there. I went seconds before you did. She was just finishing up. You know who else had a nice interaction? Me, when I saw that she was in there, so I didn't go in there. Well, she wasn't just finishing up when you were there. I went seconds before you did. She was just finishing up. She

literally walked right out as I was walking in. I respected her workspace. Took my penis elsewhere. I hear that. You pee on the ground. I understand. I never pee on the ground. I have peed on the ground, but I never pee on the ground. So you guys just do this every day? Yeah.

It's usually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dream job. This is vintage right here. Dream job. It's as good as it gets.

It's a dream job. We could tier fucking potatoes or something if you want to do that. Yeah. Or chips. Chips. No, there's rules. Yeah, the show's about nothing. Wait, are they doing-

Literally nothing. Are they doing the gauntlet? No, they're going to do that. Tommy's worried about it. I'm wearing fucking tight jeans. Those are not tight jeans. Those aren't tight jeans. Those are not tight jeans.

You just rolled them up to make them look tight. Those are not tight jeans. If you unroll those all the way, how far do they go down? What do I got to do with the bottom half? It doesn't seem like far enough. You got a soccer kick. Oh, yeah. You're wearing shoes.

That's fine. We've had guys in capes do it. We've had Cam Newton, whatever the fuck he wears. Blindfolded guys do it. Blindfold. Blindfolds. All right. What do you have to do?

I got to get a t-shirt on. You have to. It's just an obstacle course of sports things. You don't have to get a t-shirt on. It's a cornhole bag, a soccer kick. You got to hit a home run, throw a football. What do you want? Limited mobility. Yeah. You got a bad shoulder? run, throw a football. What? Limited mobility.

Yeah. You got a bad shoulder? As long as you can get it to the rim, it'll be fine. You can get it to the rim, right? You're just wearing a button-up shirt. That's a normal shirt. Are you worried about getting it to the rim? No.

Sounds like you are. You're scared. I know what you're doing. Don't worry. We got a guy who went two for 87 on threes. Shut up. Swear to God. Oh, you have to hit a three? You have to hit two threes. Shut up. Swear to God. Oh, you have to hit a three?

You have to hit two threes. Oh, boy. And then you got to have your wits about you and answer 10. And I remember you called me gay for not being able to answer that. If you airball, this would be the best day of my life. I did say touche. You got to answer 10 sports-related questions. No, no, no.

Really random trivia. Oh, oh, oh. We're pulling up to show you right now. We need Sporkle to be more out there in the general population. You have to get 10 total here. Yeah, you can just hop around. I'll never finish this. You haven't even read it yet. I haven't finished it.

I just read three scripts. Six colors in plain bag of M&M's. Okay. All right, brown, yellow, green, blue, red. There you go. See? Hold on, that's only four. You have to get ten total.

All right, now, what band is Bohemian Rhapsody about? Where are we at? What singer is Rocket Man about? Oh, Elton John. Okay, now we're talking. I got to do 10 of those? Yeah. I can't do that.

Is that how you say that? What? You can pick and choose. What song is that about? You got to do all 10 of those. No, no, no. You have to get 10 of this whole board. Is this the end?

All right, here you go, Tommy. Here's the easy one. Four ingredients to southern pear salad. Just give me one ingredient to pear salad. Pear. There it is. Got it. Oh, you only have to do one of those. You have to get ten total.

You got seven. You have seven right now. I thought you meant ten of all. Alright, alright, alright. You can hop around. You and Che would get along well. You guys might add class together. Just anxiety, dude.

Do you take anything for anxiety? No Well Tequila Yeah Mezcal these days No it's just Yeah I mean I

I earn it You know you get fucked up You do this stuff Then you wake up Drink cold brew Don't eat that much Do it again Anxiety

Anxiety Yeah Yeah Yeah I mean I guess that's a comic's life yeah it's fun yeah tommy had great tommy had three full meals yesterday for the first time and i shit like four times yeah i made fun of chris for how often he goes dump and i'm like i don't actually i don't want to tell... Tommy always has never heard ghost dump. Why did you say it like that? That felt like home. Ghost dump. Yeah. You got to go dumpy in your pants?

I constantly had to go dump yesterday. This is hell. I'll never eat three times a day again. Tommy drinks so much he doesn't eat. He lives like a rock star. He claims he's fasting. During the day. He's so hungover he can't eat.

He's like, yeah, I'm fasting. No, I won't eat. You got to get a fast in. It's good for the body. I won't eat from like 10 p.m. He's drinking booze. Finishes three bottles of wine. My body's a temple.

I won't eat from 10 p.m. to around 6. 6 in the morning? That's sleeping. No, 6 p.m. next day. No, 10 a.m. But it's not a plan. 10 p.m. the previous night to 6 p.m. I don't eat. That's exactly what I do.

You know, 20 hours. Between 18 and 20. Why? Because he's drinking from 5 p.m. until 3 a.m. He gets so drunk he forgets to eat. He wakes up at 1, goes to the gym, then we usually do a podcast or something, and then it's 6 and it's time to eat and drink again. Yeah.

But the first beer is usually around 5 or 6. Yeah. So that's the first carb. That's the first intake of energy. So you're still getting 16, 18. Wait, so you break your fast with booze and no food? Yeah. Just do like a podcast or something.

Then I'll get a little nibble something. When is your first meal? Around 6 p.m. But you like to cook. Okay. Yeah. Are you having big meals? Yeah.

How does that work? Yeah, decent-sized meals. And then I'll have a snack late, like 10. But you like to cook, but you don't like to eat. Yes. I do like to eat. That makes no sense. But I like to eat. I know't like to eat Yes I do like to eat That makes so sense But I like to eat

I know I eat in moderate portions So when you cook Are you just Is it all leftovers after Or are you just Yeah a little bit of leftovers But I also have to feed

Fucking guys This is why he likes cooking And not eating so much Oh cause he can be like Oh Yeah he likes He likes the power it gives him Oh you got power over him

I also like serving Yeah Oh I also like serving people. I also like taking care of my loved ones. You selfish fucking asshole. It's a power move. It's a power play. It's crazy. That's a weird power.

Anyway, look at this. It's going to be just me going forward. So that's a weird fetish. You don't like to eat, and you like to just cook for other people. Yeah, he does like the art of it. Yeah. I mean,

I'll go along with this if you want. Can I spit on the floor? Yes. Honestly, yes. That would have mattered. Just not in the bathroom when it's being cleaned.

The poor woman. So, what an interesting life. You just wake up, come on your belly, don't eat Drink Then cook for other people To be like

Hi Cook for you No it's not Hi Cook for you It's He likes the Yeah

I've done something for you You can't have a hot pocket You don't know what it feels like This is Also insane To have an opinion on something You have no know what it feels like to cook for something. See, this is... It's crazy. It's insane. To have an opinion on something, you have no idea what it feels like.

It has nothing to do with cooking. It has everything to do with you wanting to have served people so that they owe you something. That is so insane. If that were the case, you owe me your life. Exactly. Exactly. That's why he does it.

Fucking made him a sandwich. Fucking. What a Bad person. This guy's totally fucking in for himself. You know how crazy you have to be just to think that? I kind of agree with Chris. It's fucked up what you're doing. I'd be mad.

Just one white claw immediately fighting. No, he only does it so he has power over it. You know what? It's becoming, Big Cat is the Shane of Barstool. He knows what he's doing. This is exactly what Shane would be doing. No, no,

I think Chris is right, Tom. Well, he's right. He's right. You got to stir the pot. Otherwise, we talk about coming on our bellies. That was me stirring the pot.

Have you guys ever been in a real fight where you like didn't talk for a while? No. So it just ends right away? It would be a bear and a lion in a fucking

enclosure. I feel like that's how your relationship went. The stuff that we really spaz about is always insane, like stupid. Like, we got in a huge fight about chicken fingers. Okay. Chicken fingers and gravy.

What was that about? We went to Whataburger. It's clearly not about chicken fingers. It was That was a big one. What was that about? And gravy? We went to Whataburger. It's clearly not about chicken fingers. It was the object. Hold on. I want to hear the chicken fingers, though. You know what side I'm on. We went to Whataburger in Houston, and we got burgers.

And then the next night, we were telling someone who lives in Houston that we got burgers. And he's like, no, you got to get the chicken fingers and gravy. And we're all hammered just back at the airbnb so i ordered everyone chicken fingers and gravy tower moves yeah yeah so i had power over him yep and then and then tommy didn't try it oh that is disrespectful slapping the fucking no i well that is this not if it was homemade sauce i'd be like, ooh, yeah, thank you so much. It's fucking Whataburger diarrhea juice.

I wasn't that mad about it, but I was like, oh, you didn't try the gravy? And he was like, fucking gravy. That's fucking bullshit. This is so untrue. It's insane. No, here we go. You got no idea how fucking...

You saw it in real time. You saw it in real time. You saw it in real time with the Hot Pocket thing, where it has nothing to do with anything. It is, he, when he's drunk, he gets dismissive about a thing. He's just trying the fucking gravy. And instead of just being like, I didn't want the gravy, he had to be like, fucking gravy, fucking sauce. No, that was after you asked me ten times.

No, no. I don't want whatever this honey mustard sauce is on my chicken finger. I don't put. It was gravy. I'm not fucking five years old. I don't want to this honey mustard sauce is on my chicken finger. I'm not fucking five years old. I don't want to dip my chicken finger into this. I agree with you, Chris. And then I feel like I'm being forced. I don't want to. I think so. Just dip it.

That might be on Tommy's side. I'll eat whatever the fuck I want to eat. Thank you for ordering me chicken fingers. I'll eat them however I want to eat them. You only got to try. You know, I really got in a fight with him. Try the blue cheese. I don't like blue cheese.

Try the blue cheese. I really don't like blue cheese. Try the blue cheese. See, that's what happens inside of his head. No, that's exactly what happened in that kitchen. Oh, you didn't try the gravy? Fucking gravy. Fucking bullshit.

I don't have to fucking do that. You're such a fucking bitch. This is like so insane how much you lie. But you ate the chicken finger plain? Yeah, daddy. You should have tried the gravy. You should have.

No, oh, here's what happened. This is what it was. It wasn't a gravy. I go, I looked at the gravy. It's a roux. Yeah, I know the consistency of a proper gravy. You got pulpous with it? Dude, it was flour water with pepper in it.

And I dipped my finger and I tasted it with my finger. And then I didn't want to put the chicken finger in it because it tasted like nothing. And it was like sperm. It was like sperm with pepper in it. And I was like, oh, I don't want to put that on the finger. because it tasted like nothing. And it had the, it was like sperm. It was like sperm with pepper in it. And I was like, oh, I don't want to put that on the finger. And I literally said to him, I go, look, this is I can tell they did this in a big batch

roux. It's just flour and butter. I'm even more on Chris's side. He said big batch roux to you, man. That's so annoying. That's so annoying. That's so annoying. So easy. Try the gravy.

I'll take this one, too. No, but the next morning we were fine. Both embarrassed that we got fucking mad about chicken fingers and gravy. No, you let a little air out of the tire. It was nice. PFT and I once got in a big fight over. He was dipping in a full Mountain Dew bottle like like a two liter no it was like a full whatever what is 64 ounce 30 20 ounce but it was like he would spit like

it was like 90 full Mountain Dew and then he would spit in the top and he didn't have a top to it oh and it was sitting right next to his seat and I was like, I think it spilled once. I was like, dude, can we just put a top on it? He's like, it wasn't mine. I was like, it's sitting right next to your seat. And he just denied it for like a week. And then finally he's like, yeah, that was

mine. I was just embarrassed. I was doing that. Who's the biggest scumbag that's ever worked here? Oh, we got a good list. I imagine guys that like, can we tear? Yeah, can's the biggest scumbag that's ever worked here? Oh, we got a good list. I imagine guys that... Can we tier three? Yeah, can we tier scumbags? It's got them all going.

Everybody's just fumbling. I ripped the cord, dude. I pulled the cord. Now we're talking. Is there a Barstool template on... There might be on like... Well, how are we defining scumbags? Like shit like

that villainous pissing next to a janitor while she's working yep you know leaving your dips she wasn't next to me not cleaning up your trash it's an actual piece of shit that we don't like or like i'm saying no no no is it michael rapport or is it their behavior yeah yeah yeah is it like people who are no longer at barstool because we have some people who are scumbags who used to work here that have left because they were scumbags. Maybe just put an asterisk next to them that they're not here. Yeah. I would say.

Do we still have here? Actual pieces of shit? No. Let's just do Barstool pieces. Yeah. I'm talking about in office. Yeah. Oh, here we go.

Guys that would bother you to work with in a real job. Yeah. Oh. Oh, wow. Oh. Oh. Well, I don't know why. Oh, that's. That. This is bullshit. One of the great guys. I don't know why oh that's that this is bullshit when a great guys I don't

know okay there's any I don't know if there's scumbags I mean Jerry I would say Jerry's a scum Jerry's a shyster yeah but he gets he gets scammed more than he scams everyone else so it's like kind of all evens out yeah he gets scammed every fucking day i mean we have to have some closet i think jerry lee's got a live feed yeah yeah this is what jerry does every day the nicky smoke picture that he tweeted no with his hand in the girl that was that was that was worthy of his scumbag i was pre-crime yeah yeah what was that he is for sure i was horrified what was that what do you do like sure. I was horrified. What was that? What did he do?

It would be like a movie poster for a horror film. He tweeted a POV of his hand in a girl's belt loop. Look at that. Oh, Jesus. Wait, did she take that from over her shoulder? Wait, who did that? What is this? What am I looking at?

That's his hand in a chick's belt loop. Wait, is that a stranger? No, I don't think so. He's a scumbag. For sure. Weird photo. What is he trying to say with it? I don't think so. He's a scumbag. Weird photo. What is he trying to say with it? I don't know. Is that regional slang? Boston and New York eliminated

in the same weekend, say less. Oh, because he's horny. Oh. He's all horned up because the two teams he hates lost. We need an Italian. Oh, they're about to go fuck. Oh, I know that. I get it now. This guy's not a scumbag.

I'm going to keep you on retainer or something. It's a very subjective list. Hey, Tommy, we got a guy here we need you to decide. Is he a scumbag or a whore? Takes one look. Puts on his glasses. Let me see that. That's just whore-y.

He's whore-y. That would be sick. Tommy just sitting there. Just a whore-y thumbs up right now come or no come belly no belly yeah nicky would be our probably our number one scumbag oh yeah he also did you guys see this the scotty scheffler meme that people were doing that was like it was kind of funny people were like oh if like drinking 15 beers and driving was illegal like this would be me yeah and then he just did if like doing coke was illegal this would be me it's like yeah dude yeah like yeah like a day later too late to it yeah he was very late to the scotty sheffler memes what happened with that

whole thing me if dumping sack was illegal. They dropped all the charges. Jesus Christ. That doesn't work. He sent that as a draft to me and he said, should I send this off? And I said, absolutely. Oh, dumping sack is like dumping a bag of coke? That's what he calls it.

That's what we thought it was. He showed up. So Nicky Smokes is a guy who we hired from Florida and we hired him just because the heat beat. Oh, right. So if the Celtics had beaten the heat, he would have gotten a Dave Portnoy tattoo on his body. But because the heat won, he got a job. And now he's just going to have a job for life because of Barstool. It's like Supreme Court justice.

If you get in the door. Yeah. Yeah. Lifetime appointment. Yeah. a job for life because at barstool it's like supreme court justice if you get in the door yeah yeah lifetime appointment yeah you're he just got he got re-signed last weekend and he went to the club like re-signed yeah you guys every every year you get re-signed uh some people some people he went to the club like he had we were saying it was like he had reset the qb market like he and he's the highest signing And he didn't realize the re-signing of Smoke's was

Dave texted me and said, should we re-sign Nicky Smoke's? And I wrote back verbatim, he's a fucking moron but I don't hate him. And then Dave sent him a text saying, okay, you've been re-signed. Yeah. And he was like, look at me, I did it.

That was the entire conversation. Does he still live down there no he lives here oh yeah yeah there's him this is him he got re-signed say no raise nothing literally dave just said okay you're re-signed yeah and then the sign yeah yeah he's got that wigger cut too he's he's our scumbag Resigned. Resigned. Yeah. Resigned. Resigned. Yeah. Man, he's got that wigger cut, too. He is our scumbag. Can I take you all through the Mintz situation this morning? Oh, no, please do. What situation?

Well, it's just, it's only him. He's the only guy that would ever do this. No spoilers. They were doing trivia, and, of course, Ben Mintz was in an airport, and they said, where are you? And he said, I'm in the New Orleans airport. And they said, where are you going? He said, I'm going to the SEC tournament in Birmingham.

Okay. He flew to New Orleans. For the weekend. He landed in New Orleans, and then he got in his car, and he's driving to Birmingham. That's how he got to Birmingham. That's a far drive, I would imagine. That's at least five hours maybe.

What? Yeah. So he just wanted to spend the weekend in New Orleans. But I don't think he did. Wasn't he in Michigan playing that poker tournament until Saturday night? Was that tweet, do you think he knew what he was doing? Yeah, I'm not, yeah. It was smokes?

No, mince. Oh, no, I don't think he knew what he was doing. I don't think he knew what he was doing? Yeah, I'm not, yeah. Who, Smokes? No, Mincy. Oh, no, I don't think he knew what he was doing. I don't think he knew what he was doing. No. These are very on the Mendoza line, Mincy's below to explain him. He's very, very down on that. Below Che. Yeah, he's below Che on the Mendoza line. He's very special.

He wrote, busting right before the end of the night is the worst. Just had to survive 10 more minutes. He's talking about a poker tournament. Do you guys think he did this on purpose or no? Wait, is this the guy that eats ice cream? That's all of us. No, on Caleb's show? No.

No. My brain was like, hold on, hold on, hold on. He's above Che on the line. I don't think he did it on purpose. I don't think so either. Wait, what did he say? I would say busting towards the end of the night is the best thing to do, right? Go scroll back up.

Busting right before the end of the night is the worst. He's talking about a poker tournament. Right, but you're asking if the innuendo is purposeful? I don't think it is No Which is incredible Yeah That he's able to do that

There's a lot of that going around Dumping sack Busting By the way does Mincy He's not in the office today So does that Yeah It's day one

He's gotta go viral I guess that tweet did go viral So that That was Saturday That was I'll give him one You won't give him that for today What's viral

What do you consider viral? He has to get one million views on every tweet. He. This guy doesn't. He doesn't really work. He just kind of lives his life. So, like, he'll just go to, like, New Orleans for a week and be like, what are you doing down there? And he's like, I got a I got two minutes that I'm playing in a charity basketball event.

I'm like, OK. And then what about the rest of the week? He's like, well, I'm going to a bunch of concerts. I'm like, alright. So I made a deal with him that when he goes on these trips, he has to stay viral the entire time. Otherwise, he has to come right back home. That rules. Yeah. So he's got to get one million views

on a tweet or video to be able to stay. Every day? Every day. Wow. Any day that he doesn't, he has to come right back home. He's not going to come. If you saw the guy, he did a video of him opening up a bobblehead, and it was the best I've ever seen. Yeah, the bobblehead. Show him the bobblehead. The bobblehead's the best.

Yeah, I want to see that. The bobblehead's the best. They're all not purposeful either. The car under the driveway is pretty good. Let's watch that one. Both of them. And grilled cheese. Oh, grilled cheese. Grilled cheese. Grilled cheese. Fire up this water head. I want cheese. Oh, grilled cheese.

Fire up this water head. We got to watch the grilled cheese as well. He's our best talent. Just went from this guy doesn't do anything. Yeah, you're right. It's why we have the biggest star we have at this company. Walking down the street. You're right.

You're right. Shit. There was one of him walking down the street late for work. Holy shit. That was great. Play the hits. You're right. There was one of him walking down the street late for work. Holy shit. That was great. Play the hits. That was great. Fuck, you're right. It is great meeting someone who doesn't know Mincy and being like, sit down.

This is fun. It's like my favorite thing to do. Fresh eyes on this guy. Dude, it's funny that you got to get a million views or you have to come home. He's walking right through it. That last tweet sucked. That's the thing. It's so easy.

All the fans don't want him to come back. He's just besting all of us. Oh, here he is. Brandon's house on Thanksgiving. Come into my house for Thanksgiving. He's 30 minutes late. Now he doesn't know how to put it in park. Is he leaving? He's leaving. Actually, you can doesn't know how to put it in park. He doesn't know where he's leaving.

He's leaving. He's actually, you can just park in the driveway, asshole. Hey. Where's he going? I've been in this situation before. He called us back. It's panic. Inside.

So empty. So far away. Hey, boy, don't get out. Just park it in the driveway. 4.3 million views. Come on. Is he missing a hubcap? Wait. Wait.

Hold on. Hold on. But you listened. He doesn't even know. Hold on, hold on. Welcome. Thank you. Sorry I'm 15 minutes late. That is very rude behavior. Damn, is he fucked up? No.

He seems to have to get away. Yeah. But so he left to go to a different. I expected a totally different day. Hold on. He left to go to a different Thanksgiving. He looks like you're catching a politician doing something real bad. Yeah.

He came back because he's a Mississippi fan. He's a Mississippi fan. He looks like you're catching a politician doing something real big. Yeah, he came back because he's a Mississippi fan and he's Mississippi. He came back later to watch the Egg Bowl. He's arrived. Let's see if he does again. Is he easing into it? That's all the same. That was like four hours later. Yeah. Billions of

views. You gotta go bobblehead. Gotta show bobblehead. That's all it hours later. Yeah. Billions of views. You got to go bobblehead. Yeah, bobblehead. You got to show bobblehead. That's all it takes for Mincey. Nick, do the High Noon ad read. Sure, do bobblehead. That's an example of Mincey going viral right there. That's hilarious.

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Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. Highnoonspirits.com, find it near you. You have a good radio voice, man. Thanks, man. Yeah. What's up, fellas? We're back in the blender

for the fourth time in the last week. They have a penalty when they're fourth in a row all over the pelts. I love the double hangover bags. No, he doesn't drink.

He doesn't drink. What? Yeah. He does every other drug. He doesn't drink. Let's check out. Let's see what we got here. It's getting a little sloppy, I hope.

Get it out. Yeah. We got a bottle in here somewhere. Is he pulling on the head? Yes. He's removing the head. I've seen smoother transactions. I Feel like I'm not making any friends

He removed the bottle head by the bottle head. Security guard. Security guard is just like, what the fuck? Completely dusted. Oh, man. That's the best. That happened when the rest of us were. Patience of that guy getting snowed on. I know.

We were at Scottsdale for the Super Bowl, and that stopped the whole company. Oh, my God. He's the best guy we have. Show him the bottle head. He's the best guy we have. Show him the bobbing for apples. He's also been Does he pick these things himself? He also got fired because

he has this show called Wake Up Mince. Oh, he's the one who said the N word. Let's go, Mince! How many views did that get? A lot. A lot. That was my favorite text I've ever gotten from you, Big. We were in the back group chat, and you said, buckle up, boy.

He's just reading the lyrics like Walter Cronk. But Kyle put it best. He's a 40-year-old man that always gets in trouble. And so he missed a work event, and we made him bob for apples. Yeah, we did a pro day between him and this other guy, Clemmer. They had like 15 apples. Is he trying to get water out? Dude, he apples.

I've never seen anyone bob. Oh, my God. Wait, he has shoulder pads on? It's filled with water. Oh, Clemmer got one. Clemmer got one. There he goes. It's too deep.. Oh, Clever got one. Clever got one. There he goes. It's a huge one.

It's too deep. What is going on? The bits you get one, though. I'm trying to trap it at the bottom. Yeah. Oh, no. Come on, Mints. Get in there, Mints.

Come on. Uh-oh. Oh, Clever's killing it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Somebody pull him out of there. He's trying to trap one in the corner. Look at him. He's all day. Let's go. Yeah. Go, Mincy.

You got it, buddy. Oh, yeah. There you go. There you go, man. On fire. Mincy has figured it out. There's little chunks of apples starting to float around in Mincy's.

Oh. Oh, what? What are they dropping at? Get out of there, bud. He's dropping himself. But he has a way of doing it that it's just special mincemeat. There we go, man. He's got to stay violent. But he has a way of doing it that it's just there's something about it. But it's every single day? No. Well, it is when he takes trips. Oh, okay. But the second

he starts trying is when it's going to not work. Right. The trouble, it's not the trouble because he's very aware of it now. So he hosted a comedy show the other night and before it, he said to to me it doesn't matter if i mess up or fail people just love whatever like even when i mess up it like just does he's gotten aware which so yeah he's like he still does stuff that he doesn't realize like i just sent you tj probably the like a very hidden mincey gem was when he went to he just moved to omaha for like three weeks during

the college world series yeah just stayed there doing nothing wait just wait watch this video oh yeah all right wait hold on start it again and do sound this is this this is this guy's luck got an old-fashioned pitcher's duel on our hands. Jack Leiter through four innings has allowed no hits. He's been phenomenal and dominant, but so has Heupel for NC State. Feels like the first team to score is going to have a great chance to win. With how strong these pitchers look, we're halfway home. Unbelievable game and atmosphere.

A little slice of heaven in Omaha on an evening night. You can't beat it. He's literally doing a video talking about it. And they hit it all night. Yeah, this one is up there, too. Dude, his life is scripted. This is live Ben Mintz. He doesn't know what's happening.

Talking about the pitcher's duel with Jack White. He just gave up his first hit. You cursed him. I cursed him completely. I just said it. I just allowed no hits. The second I said that. A home run.

Not my week. Poured down on me. Stole out of baseball. He home run. Not my wing. Poured down on me. Stole out of my spot. He has no idea. No idea. Best case. That's a gold video, and he just still is like, damn. I fucked up.

First hit, home run. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's something special. He does and he doesn't. Well, I don't have to feed him, so it sounds great to me. We. We.

We tagged him like a shark, too. So he's got an apple tag on his keys so we can. Yeah, but he's lost his keys every other day. He doesn't leave them everywhere. Yeah. We're pretty sure he went to a rub. We caught him at a rub and tuck. Really?

That's pretty sure. Oh, yeah. Because he. We. We tagged him and he forgot he was tagged, like, within, like, a half hour. That's probably why he's driving to Burrington. Got some good spots on the way. Oh, man.

Special boy. All right, you guys ready to do the gauntlet? Yep. Yeah, I got to piss. All right, I think she's in that one. Who wants to go first? I'll do it. Or do you want one of us to go first to show you? Yeah, yeah. All right, yeah, we'll spin a wheel, and one of us to go first to show you

Yeah yeah Alright yeah we'll spin a wheel and one of us will go first I thought it was just us I got pizza We gotta get Malasek down here That's the other thing is you're gonna really hate the goalie A lot Yeah

I missed you on Friday Kyle I know I missed you a lot It's tough to miss I missed you a lot You guys played hide to miss. I missed you a lot. You guys played hide and seek with Mintz? Yeah. Yeah, that was a ton of fun.

It's a great new game we figured out because we don't have to hear him talk. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah. His hiding place is pretty good. I would just like to play, to be honest. Yeah. What are we looking at here? Someone's going to go to show.

Oh, thank God. Hey. All right, Tit them. Thank God. Hey. All right, Titus. Promising. Could this be a record? Yeah. Did you break a record today?

This might be. He was shooting around before the show. Where's Malasek? God damn it. By the way, Father's Day merch is now available in the Barstool store. Ask for yours soon so you get in time for the big day at store.barstoolsports.com. Go check it out. Store.barstoolsports.com. Next Thursday is Roof Ball.

Yes. And I have a special announcement. Ronan Sass will be with us. Really? Yes. Nice. And we're going somewhere in the suburbs? We're going to, should we say, it's a great place.

We're going to Joliet. Okay. Yeah. I'm excited. So this will be a regional. Roof Ball regional. Will it be strictly Barstool employees? Yes.

Okay. Yes. I think we're going to have – This is somebody's home? Somebody's home. I think we'll probably let – I think we've got to let him. Let them play. Yeah, yeah.

That will be it then, TJ. Oh, Ron Sasson. We have our threes, right? So it's me, Titus, KB, Mook, Brandon, Nick, I think Max, Jerry, Titus, or sorry, Max, Jerry, Che, Sass, and Roan, and then the guys. So I think we have four groups of three. Yeah. It's going to be great.

That was such a fun day last year. It was. We're going to have it all set up. We'll be announcing it. The more I think about it, the more I have lots of regrets about the national championship. I didn't take it serious enough. I think I gave the other guys too much respect. I think one it, the more I have lots of regrets about the national championship. I didn't take it serious enough. I think I gave the other guys too much respect.

I think one of us can win. Yeah, so the winner of this regional will go to Oregon. Yeah. And we won't have anyone else who can win this one. And Brandon will be in it for the first time. He could win. Brandon being a roof ball champ. He won't be the worst.

That's the best feeling. There's no. Brandon being a roof ball champ. He won't be the worst. That's the best feeling. There's no chance. Yeah, probably no chance. All right, so Titus is going to go to show you guys how to do it. TJ, what's my best time at this? I don't think I'm good. Our goalie is a real prick, Tommy. 3-17.

He will. I want to know what I'm trying to beat. You could be there for hours. He's that good? He'll poke it away, yeah. So how it works with the shooting, where's Chris? Oh, that's bad. He's got 317 to the best.

So the way it works with shooting for soccer is you have to take, there's three balls set up. You have to shoot those first three balls. Then once you shoot, if you don't make it, you can shoot from anywhere. So you can go right up to them. Yeah. What about... What have you been doing in the gym?

Huh? What have you been doing in the gym? You don't have to be shy. I'm 44 years old, man. So what? You look good. You doing TRT? Get that off me.

You doing a little TRT? I thought we were boys. Get that off me. You doing a little TRT? Mook. Thought we were boys. That was TJ. I blame TJ. You look great. You look good. Love you, Tommy.

Mook said love you, Tommy. I play around. You doing squats? Yeah. Legs are decent. Malasek snuck up behind me when I was walking my baby this weekend. Oh, that's horrifying. And I didn't hear him at all.

I didn't, because every now and then I'm checking, and I actually had seen him across the street from me, and he had his headphones in, so I was like, I won't bug him. And then about five minutes later, he goes, hey. He didn't, like, tap me or whatever. He just yelled. And I screamed, like, I He just yelled. And I screamed. I really almost shit my pants.

Screamed. Nikki Smokes walked into the bar I was at without seeing me on a date. He sat down with his date. I called him. As soon as he would pick up, I would hang up. I called him again. As soon as he would pick up, I hung up.

I did it like four times. He said, it's not working. FaceTimeetime me so i sneak behind him and facetime him and he picks up just sees the back of his head oh my god that rules all right wait is chris watching too because i feel like he's just playing the cross all right all right he's there's a lot of distractions around watch because he's gonna go so you can see everything, all right? Here we go. All right, here we go. Three, two, one, go. You just got to hit one bag. Got to get one. Just one, Titus. Just do the one, Titus.

Titus, you're trying to show them what to do. You got to hit one. You just got to hit one, Titus. All you got to do is hit one. Nope. This is a catastrophe. This is a terrible, terrible start. Yeah, this is all part of his time.

All you gotta do is one, no. He hasn't even gotten close to be honest. Titus, just show him how to hit one. Yeah, real quick. Just show him how to get one. Show him Titus, yeah, yeah. There you go. Jeez. Oh.

Oh, there it is. There's a wiffle ball. You got to hit one above this studio. Yeah, you can't hit the ceiling. You got to get your own rebounds on the football it just has to hit one of the bottles three-pointer three-pointer oh oh no Oh Oh, no. Oh. Oh. A trivia.

Yeah, you want to watch? Indiana Fever. Fever, Liberty, Sun. One animal killed a crocodile hunter. Stingray. Five scoring plays in the NFL. Touchdown, field goal, safety. Safety.

Six occupations. Only fans, creators, locations, things offered. You got the other scores. The village people. Think of what they looked like. What were their jobs? Extra point, two point conversion got the other score. Village people. Think of what they looked like. What were their jobs? Oh, extra point. Two point conversion.

There it is. Nine states with the most OnlyFans creators. For 100K, though. No. Who would you say? Fucking, uh, Chicago Sky. But they have a big population. Chicago Sky.

Probably still. Uh, fucking, uh, what is it? You don't think that's easy? No go done 220 no that's got to all be like florida oh 220 wow titus that was fantastic oh no i feel good about that actually i think that's gonna be like top 10 yeah great yeah yeah bad cornhole well i think you were confused because all you had to do was show them how to do one. I pulled a Jeff D'Lo on the cornhole, and I was short on every one. Yeah. No adjustment.

That was a great time. Yeah, wow. Yeah, I feel like you even gave up. Like, you were going slow to soccer. No, I was just setting up Malasek. I was making him seem like I was a little swerve. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm happy with that. That's a very good time. Right below Stephen Che twice. Hmm. Yeah. Three times, actually. Four times. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, Che's nasty. Three times. I don't want to be that guy, but... You've got to leave him that guy, but you've got to put the bags down. Baggo, soccer, baseball, football. Basketball, basketball. That's tricky. You guys do that on purpose? No, that's how we shoot in the morning.

Because my stroke, I don't think, goes that high. Oh, no, the stroke doesn't go that high. The stroke doesn't go that high. It was kind of an excuse, though. Oh no The excuse is already The stroke doesn't go that high The stroke doesn't go that high It was kind of an excuse though Yeah it was an excuse That was an excuse The stroke doesn't go that high

What are you going to do? Alright You ready? Chris you going? Yeah Chris When you finish You can sit right here

So you can see Sporkle better Alright Here we go It's crazy When you finish you can sit right here for it so you can see sparkle better all right here. We go Three two one go I Chris is gonna do well. I do too. I think Tommy's gonna do terribly oh Boy no time is right there. Oh no urgency And it's not really helpful. Yeah, he's got to pick it up. Yeah, if you're going to go slow.

There he goes. Got a little bit of a jog. Oh, that's a nice shot. Now you can score from anywhere. That's it. Whoa. Whoa. Nice.

Nice. Under a minute still. Oh. Oh, shit. There you go, baby. Oh, Brandon. Brandon said no. Move the cornhole. Brandon, move the cornhole. Move the cornhole board. Someone move the cornhole. Move the cornhole.

I think that's only for athletes. Yeah, you're right. He's just a normie. Yeah, they're comedians. That would be great material. That's the best thing that's ever happened to Tom Segura. Okay, this is a problem. This is a big problem.

Nice. No, not a problem at all. Good. Good. Broke. Still a good time. Yeah, minute 30. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Okay. I'm going to go for the last one. Still a good time. Yeah, minute 30.

Okay. Okay, I will. All right, come on. There we go. Squircle, squircle. Squircle. Still got a great time. Doing a great job. You got a great time going.

All right, find it. Wait Wait did we just do this one Mario Penn State Capitals Strawberry Check out Penn State Capitals You got State Capitals Hawaii Albany

Hartford Portland Oh there's specific states Montpelier Hawaii. Albany. Hartford. There you go. Portland. Oh, there's specific states. Montpelier. That's right. Oh, one word. Whoa, TJ.

Detroit. Eight coaches for NCAA football teams. Clemson, Michigan, Ohio State. Some of those, right? I do, but. Oh, no no five best-selling nintendo 64 games i have oscar nominees for best picture 1994 three rob deardek shows it is about mario mario what just mario one mario two wait uh jesus oh there we go you got my pillar mario

which was his guess was is charleston the cat pillar you know coaches this is colorado a lot of time here colorado south South Carolina. Colorado coach. The helmet in my office. There you go. Michigan Wolverines. I don't know who the new guy is. No, no. It was last year.

Fucking. You don't know the old guy either. Fuck. So, a tax break. I'm telling you, I black out. Three Rob Dyrdek TV shows. Have you typed in Mario yet? Yeah.

That's not one of them probably one of his derivatives Michael Jackson where are you? yes this is Mario Games one of his most number one albums all time on Billboard 200 is like Led Zeppelin or The Beatles or any of those people count?

this is a debacle Yeah You were doing really well Dude Capital of There we go The Beatles Fucking Number one album

The Rolling Stones What about What about Capital of Michigan Is it Detroit I said of Michigan Is it Detroit I said that before Is it not Detroit No No

Detroit Indiana is gettable It's not In my opinion Yeah it's pretty Yeah Hawaii's capital Is it very Indiana centric

The capital Here we go Chicago Can't be No Games I think you were on the right track with Mario. Yeah.

Keep going with Mario. What other Mario games? Nintendo 64. 64. Oh, yeah, yeah. Olden Eye. Yeah. Here we go.

What is the Mario game? The Mario 3? You like to drive around a little bit. It's the number of the system. Donkey Kong Racing. What are you saying. Mario Kart. What is it? Is it Diddy Kong?

Donkey Kong Racing. Mario with a number, but like a bigger number. If you were to think of one number for the 64 game. Just name two more. What's the first number that you think of with Nintendo 64? It's on the box almost. Oh, no. I've never played Nintendo 64.

Six teams in WNBA Western Conference. Four members of the Defenders, Netflix, Marvel, Deardick. You know a Rob Deardick show. I do. Keep it. Is it what? The casual nature of you just being bad at this is throwing me off. Sparks.

That should be good. Sparks. There it is. One more. Oh, no. One more. Nine artists. Clemson Tigers.

John Harbaugh. Jim Harbaugh. Yeah. There it is. Wow. Jim Harbaugh. Yeah. There it is. Wow. There are worse times. But also. Don't be.

This is Jim. This is the sports. The casualness that you handled all of this. Yeah. I've never seen anything like this. You just never freaked out. I don't know if you. Confident man.

That one got you, though. You were really good at the sports, and that one just. Confident man. That one got you, though. You were really good at the sports, and that one just, let's see. You were ahead of, the good news is there's definitely an NFL player. Right above Will Compton. Will Compton. Will Compton. You beat Will Compton. That's huge.

Dear Lord. You beat Cam Newton? Probably. Mantis. Yep. Coulter and flip flops a real who's who stressed hey you just

you did it though you did it alright you ready, Tommy? Okay. I think it's going to do good. I'm going to say three, two, one, go. That's your line, the gold thing. Let the bags stay there?

The bags can go wherever they want. Yeah. All right. I don't know if they can go that far. You're good. Three, two, one, go. All right. Oh.

Got it. Hey. Oh, shit. Fun fact, in about 2018, I swiped right on Tommy on Bumble. No shit. And he didn't reciprocate the swipe. Does he know that? No.

Oh, well, we'll have to tell him. Did you know him at the time? I knew. So I didn't think there was a chance, but I thought, oh, it'd be fun to be friends with this guy because I followed all the Philly comedy. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I think I just got excited and swiped on him. Whoa. Look at us now. he's killing it yeah it's very special

you crush that football no this is where dreams go to die. Right here. Oh, he got it. Three ball. Minute two before basketball. Let's worry about his stroke.

He's got to adjust. He's got to adjust. Damn. Oh. He's got to adjust. Oh, damn. I think people who aren't used to the net. Yeah, you have to shoot it real high. Really throws you off. Mark's getting it. Oh, the gun's getting full.

He's going to fight the gun. The gun's. Come on! Dude, I. Here. Just a. Right back. I understand everything you say. He's got to fight the gun. The gun. Come on. Dude, I understand everything you say. He's got anger issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm on your side. Like him talking about the roo. Yeah, he got mad about the roo. The roo. What are we talking about? Oh, no. This is so bad. All right, Tommy.

Specifically so you could get the ball to the roo. This is so bad. All right, Tommy. Specifically so you could get the ball to the rim. This is crazy. This is crazy. I usually shoot back. No, you just went front. There it is. All right. Brendan's cart with one ball on it.

There. There. He's walking them off. Maybe it wasn't the machine. Oh, no. The anger with this is great. What we do it for. This is exactly why we do it. I'm so fucking tired.

Oh man. He hasn't eaten in how long? You were way better at the sports. Yeah. Yes. All right, here we go. How bad was that? It was bad.

It's okay. Really bad. All right. What? Eight birds suck my dick. Seven NFL teams with one letter in their logo? Wait, wait. Where are we at? One letter. seven nfl teams with one letter in their logo wait wait where we at one letter one letter in their logo oh arizona wait no that's think of their helmet oh uh washington uh no yeah yeah yeah um Washington. No?

Yeah. Yeah. Giants. That's two letters. Think about where we are right now. Where are we? Chicago. There it is. Also who they play in their division.

Green Bay Eight schools more than two NCAA best when that's Duke North Carolina Villanova Who's the fucking Syracuse? No. Blink-182. You know any of the members of Blink-182? No, I'm straight.

Popular pies. Apple, cherry. Oh, he went to pies. He went to baked goods. How did you see that? He skipped punk rock and went to baked goods. Oh, you little baker. Punk rock.

Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock.

Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock.

Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock.

Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock.

Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Punk rock. Hard to name. Hold on. Key lime? Punk rock is gay, but pie.

Key lime? On pies? No, key lime? Cherry, apple, peach, cobbler? I'm not gay. Let's get to the pastries. What's the one they eat? Get that rock music shit out of my face.

Permanent neon Non-military population Eight current shapes of marshmallows Puerto Rico No Alaska No Right State

Not appearing in the name of any u.s state oh that jesus x no yeah um oh come on that's a relative of x yeah it's right there why Arizona oh shit yeah the other weird one Q yeah Q yeah did it some solid yeah wow that basketball was dog shit you were at a minute two before basketball started. Yeah. I told you as soon as. All right. So you got 544. So you beat Chris by five seconds. I wish. That doesn't matter. I wish we started the basketball over here.

The netting is a psychological. Yeah, but your shot sucked over there too. Because of the net. Because I shot 15 over there. You were short every time. Huh? You were short every time. Yeah, because I was going over the fucking net.

That's what I'm saying. I go on a more plain, flatter plane. I'm going to say I don't think, no, I think you're just probably not that great shooter in basketball. You also weren't good down here. Yeah, because he forgot everything he knew at the net. He readjusted and realigned my shot, so that's why it wouldn't come down here. Your shot, what is this, the home run derby? Your shot's never going to be the same? Well, tomorrow will be different. shot so that's why it wouldn't come down here your shot what is this the home run derby your

your shots never gonna be the same it's not well tomorrow will be different i want to get out of this pig pen that's a real wake-up call oh my god you're you're disappointing yourself yeah trivia was bad it is you're a little you got the bloods pumping You're a little tired Your brain just goes to shit That's the beauty of it It's true Yeah It's terrible Everybody's good at trivia

Until it's your turn Yeah Yeah I kill them bar trivia But if I was on the team I'd be like I got nothing Dude

No you guys I think you guys suck at trivia How is How is Led Zeppelin Not one of the They don't have multiple... I don't know. What was the category?

It was like multiple albums on the Billboard Top... Number ones. Number ones? Even that's surprising. Maybe they weren't. Greatest rock band of all time. Honestly, you could be right. Yeah.

This work will fuck me. These are all fan made. That's the story. They're all just fan made. So it could be a problem with that. We never be right. Yeah. This work will fuck me. These are all fake. That's the story. They're all just like, man, it could be a problem with that. We never consider that. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, it's always awesome.

Go with that. Go with that. Yeah. Yeah. Could be right. Oh, man. All right. Well, so where's your, you're at Zany's tomorrow night?

Two shows. Please come. Yes. Seven o'clock sold out. 9.15. Stuff Island. Yeah. Thank you, boys,. Please come. Yes. 7 o'clock sold out, 9.15. Stuff Island. Yeah. Thank you, boys, for coming by.

Thanks for having me to embarrass myself. I got cum on the belly and 7,000 basketball shots. Tomorrow they're going to cook with Donnie, which will be fun. Do you know what you're making? No. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

What do you want to make? I don't know. One of the top five pies in the United States. What were the answers? What are the answers? Pecan was probably on. Which one did you? The what?

Pecan. That's the one I was thinking. Cherry, pumpkin. I didn't do pumpkin. Blueberry? Blueberry's probably up there. Yeah. God, it's embarrassing.

All right, should we spin our wheel? Yep. All right, where is it? Cherry. Blueberry. Yeah, blueberry. There it is. Blueberry.

I can't believe I forgot pumpkin. That was a perfect transition to be like, I'm not going to. Oh, we learned a fun fact. Kate swiped right on you in 2018, and you did not accept. I was probably in a relationship. Oh, that's really admirable of you, man. That makes me feel better. What a classy guy.

That was a weird thing to say out loud. I'm glad we didn't bring it back up. I love you, Kate. I'm just going to go home and do Sporkle. Yeah. A hundred dudes have been in that same position. Oh, what the cornhole? Oh, here's the wheel something on it's a guy named Danny makes Oh fuck oh fuck

That just sucks One ways around it you guys don't have to worry yet. There's a chance you have to piss your pants with this one But these guys learned about no. What? You think I'll piss my pants here? You'll have to. Yeah, you'll have to. It's not really a negotiation.

Yeah, unfortunately, it's... The key is that you have to be down for everything because the chances of this happening to you are very small. I should have watched the show before I got here. No, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. It's not going to happen to you.

It has... There are like a thousand things that have to happen. Well, they're setting it up in the back right now for it to happen. No, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. It's not going to happen to you. There are like a thousand things that have to happen. Well, they're setting it up in the back right now for it to happen. No, look. Look how many names are on there. Like a one in a million shape. Yeah, you're fine. You want this to hit your name.

You're fine. It's an eliminator. Your odds of getting wet are way higher. Eliminator, yeah. So if it hits your name, you're out. And that's a good thing. Why is Chris not out? Chris is in there.

Chris is in there, and he's taking it well. He's still thinking about the sparkle. Is this also fan-generated? Yeah. So you're eliminated. Yep, I'm good. I'm safe. Is this still the eliminator?

Yeah. So you're fine. I'll tell you when you should start worrying. All right? Don't worry now. It's going to be me. It's going to be me. It's always me. Every time.

That also is something specific if you get swept in the finals. Don't worry about pissing. Pissing won't happen. You may have to get in the shower fully clothed. I'm going to have to get wet because it's always me. Oh, man. Don't worry yet.

Chris, I see you worried. Don't worry. Chris don't I see you worried Don't worry Dude this is exactly The kind of thing I love Look at that Yeah see Look at that Maybe not

Nah it's TJ Nah it's TJ actually Oh shit Oh my god I would start to worry You were so No don't worry I would

As long as I'm still in it You guys are fine Don't worry It's always me Titus has been Don't worry. I would as long as I'm still in it. You guys are fine Don't worry always made Titus has been it. Well, don't worry yet. It's me every time Fuck all right now Boys awfully convenient Yeah, how convenient I would start worrying right now. This is definitely a worry time. You don't want to be fun Oh, here we go. Chris bang Bang. That's why you never worry. Yes. Alright. That's cute. And you were down to do it, too. I was.

I would have done anything. I would have pissed my pants for sure. I totally would have done it. I would never have bitched out on something like that. Tommy! Stop! Of course. Oh! Whoa, Kyle! Oh, alright, Tommy. That's Kevin!

Oh, my God. Tommy, hold on. No way, I'm pissing my pants. No, no, no. It's the best of seven. You just gotta get four before Titus gets four. Okay? No, I'm not fucking okay.

This is great. This is fun. Are you having fun, Chris? It's fun. Yeah, it's fun. You you having fun, Chris? This is fun. Yeah, this is fun. You guys are never going to want to come back. All right, you're down. 1-0 to you.

1-0 to you. I don't have to piss my pants. You still might have to piss yours. It's getting stronger. I got one. He wants it to be on him. No, what are you talking about? You only have to piss your pants.

I'm up 1-0. Oh, and then on Titus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, so he still might have to piss. Yeah. All right, Tommy What, you only have to pitch your pants? I used to just up one nothing. I'm up one nothing. Oh, it landed on Titus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, so he's... He still might have to pitch his pants. Yeah. All right, Tommy, you don't have to pitch your pants!

Wait, how? Because if you get swept, that's when you have to pitch your pants. Now you just have to get soaking wet. Yeah. No, you're not going to. So it's 1-1. 2-1! That's huge.

Wow. No one's ever blown a 2-1 lead. Yes. one. That's huge. No one's ever blown a 2-1 lead. 3-1. Hold up. He's just getting his clothes off right now. That's a good strategy. Yeah. Uh-oh.

3-2. Just win your game six at home. Yeah Three two oh Just wait when you're when you're game six at home, and you're fine You don't want to go to a game seven oh Look at that See don't you feel like a little bit of a bitch man? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, that that is a boy's down that was only well who would have let down So you have to go get wet. Yeah, he's gonna go in the shower

It's another dumb thing that we started. Yeah, three years ago And we just and every day do this every time lands on wet it doesn't usually land on what it lands I went like once a month. Oh, okay. Four days ago. We're in a bad stretch right now. You're on a wet streak? Yeah, we're on a bad wet streak right now. It just sucks. Because every day you come to work, you're like, I have to get wet. And I still don't bring a change of clothes.

Yeah, no, neither do I. It's so cold. Can you bring a bathing suit or is that cheating? That's cheating. Yeah. What if you come to work in a bathing suit? I guess that would count. I guess it's a negative attitude.

Yeah, he's got a loser's attitude. Yeah, right. You're almost manifesting. Fetist, yeah. Look, you guys had nothing to worry about. So does this mean the show is over? Yeah, he has to come back. Oh, he's got to come back.

You're going to watch him soaking wet. Got to show proof of wet. Yeah. What's funnier than seeing a man soaking wet? I don't know. See? Pretty high up there. Not being able to name three Nintendo 64.

You're so beat up by this. He is. It's like fucking you up. Your entire demeanor has changed. Zelda, right? No, he didn't. Yeah, he... Zelda, Mario Kart.

Well, we said... He said Mario... What about NHL 94? I don't know why I said it like you. Mario. We said Mario. Mario.

You did that in my head. We said Mario and we're like adjacent and he said Donkey Kong Racing. I meant to say Mario Kart. Yeah.

How is Diddy Kong not up there? it's got to be here it is legend of zelda smash bros super mario 64 oh wait there's your uh list no led zeppelin barbara streisand for oh wow what gay men buy music i guess it's albums so you gotta For Oh wow What? Gay men buy music I guess it's albums So you gotta I know Led Zeppelin's got a bunch of good albums I know Do you guys know why the Mona Lisa is so famous?

She's ugly? No I don't It's crazy Why? Someone tried to steal it Is that the only reason it's famous? Oh look at that see

Oh Look how wet he is Someone did steal it. Is that the only reason it's wet? Oh, look at that. See? Ooh. See how wet he is? Someone did steal it. See that? I don't think you see it. I see it. I see it. It's wet.

Pretty funny, huh? I think he tries. I think because he looks good wet. Well, he looks good all the time. Handsome guy. Yeah, he's a handsome guy. He's a handsome guy. Congrats on the Pacers, man.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. It's big time. We're fired up. Titus, when you were shooting, man. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's a big time. We're fired up. Titus, when you were shooting, they were like, damn, this guy's got a good shot. Great stroke. Pump you up a little. I didn't use my legs.

The gauntlet has just ruined it mentally. Yeah, dude. It really does. State capitals. State capitals. That was embarrassing. You're going to just walk around with this for the rest of the day. Yeah, dude. It really does. State capitals? State capitals? That was embarrassing? You're going to just walk around with this for the rest of the day.

Yeah. You want redemption on, like, the shooting? Yeah, go play. Go put up a racquetball. Prove to us that you can shoot. It's not going to change. And he changed shirts for it.

Yeah. He could have had a shirt excuse. He pre-complained about the shirt. Let's go another way. If he makes it, this will suck. Oh. No. Flash short.

I hope he misses the whole rack. I hope he misses the whole rack. There. There. Yeah. All right. I need to see you make two in a row. Oh, there we go. One.

That toe is on the line there. Make two in a row. I'm not using my legs. Don't use your legs. I'm fucking tired. I'M NOT USING MY LEGS! HAHAHAHAHAHA Oh ho ho ho Don't use your legs! I'm fuckin' tired Can't be that, you work out every day

You can't be that tired Yeah, what are you working out for? Oh my god He's gonna be here like midnight tonight There's one I gotta fuckin' use my legs. Hey!

There it is. Oh, I'm gonna stop. You can shoot. Is that two in a row? Yeah. Yeah. I accidentally watched some dude drain 120 in a row on TikTok Live.

What? Did he? He's the dude that just, that's all he does. Does he look like a basketball player? Is he like one of those guys? What does that mean, Titus?

He's from, no. Because a lot of these fucking dorks like get like, I mean like a basketball player? Is he like one of those guys? What does that mean, Titus? He's from... No. Because a lot of these fucking dorks get like... I mean, like a... I don't know if he's good at that. A guy like Mantis is a great... Like, Mantis could probably hit like... This is a dude who does this every day for hours every day.

There are a lot of old dudes that are good at free throws, and they've just got like the repetition. At the Y, yeah. Truly, just a little bend in the knee. That'll get you going. That's all the difference. Chris has bow legs, so it gives him a little boost. A little slingshot.

Alright, well, boys, thank you. Are we done? We're done. We're not on. Go to Zany's. 915 show. Go to zany's. 9-15 show. Go to zany's.com. Do you guys do sets each?

Yeah, we'll do like 30 minutes apiece, and then we both come out and do dueling mics. Oh, nice. Kind of like a live pod. Oh, love it. It's a great show. Yeah. Thanks for having me and us.

I had a great time. Hey, nice. I was waiting for that I love you Mook everybody else can sag my dick I love you too brother alright we'll see everyone tomorrow bye Outro Music Have a great week, everybody. See you tomorrow. Bye.