The Yak - Brandon Eats Peanut Butter For the First Time in His Life | The Yak 10-13-22
Episode Date: October 13, 2022LBJ or LBJ?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Oh, whoa. Oh, it's pretty simple. Hell. The hell was that? Oh, whoa.
Oh, it's pretty simple.
Hell.
What the hell was that?
Boys.
People have never seen that graphic.
What the hell is this?
White Sox Dave in the building.
Am I barely in the...
Yeah, what the hell is this?
What the fuck is going on?
TJ not here today?
Where is TJ?
Oh, we just did the pro football show.
He hasn't come back up yet.
You guys notice anything different about me?
You have a toothpick in.
Oh, damn. Okay, that is what it is.
I've been waiting until Owen leaves
to become a toothpick guy.
Thank God, dude. He has an aversion
towards him. Finally.
I'm a toothpick guy now.
What do you think about that? Does he actually have an
aversion? i just go hey
sass i don't know why i thought you go unstuck in his uh white socks dave what's up dude what's
happening how's it feeling uh i'm a little segregated over here is kate coming in or not
i think she is i think she's getting stuff because our good friend brandon. Oh, God damn it. It doesn't have to be a thing.
Oh, it is a thing.
You made it a thing on your show. Yeah, it kind of does.
What am I called next?
He is the weirdest man ever.
The reason why I love Brandon for a lot of things,
but the fact that he has these weird things that he doesn't share
and they slowly come out.
When he told us he's, what was it?
You've never fucked a vagina
no 90 gay he said 90 gay um 95 he said you you've you've never been you've never been to a baseball
game that was crazy yeah and today's is what he's never been to a baseball game that shit doesn't
even make sense just saying things like mlb or things. Like MLB or cross the board?
Cross the board.
Dang.
Softball, though.
This one's, but this one is,
and I can call my mama and verify this.
Oh, Caitlin did.
She called your mama.
Yeah.
Her mama as well.
Brandon Walker's never had peanut butter.
Out of a jar.
Out of a jar.
I've had Reese's peanut butter cups.
I've had peanut butter M&Ms.
I wouldn't even call that peanut butter. Have you had a peanut butter and jelly? I've had Reese's peanut butter cups. I've had peanut butter M&Ms. I wouldn't even call that peanut butter.
Have you had a peanut butter and jelly?
No.
I've never had a peanut butter and jelly.
No.
It's crazy.
We didn't have it at the house when I was growing up.
Ants on a log?
What's that?
It's when you...
I don't know what that is.
Celery is a bridge too far for him.
Have you ever had apples and peanut butter?
Yeah, that's...
If I have never had peanut butter,
why would I do it without peanut butter on your balls when you're trying to get your dog to lick you off?
No, he just does it anyway.
It has to have snuck into something.
Well, he's got peanut butter throat, dude.
Listen to him talk.
We've been saying that for years.
Oh, chicken throat.
Oh, peanut butter throat.
Oh, chicken throat.
Chicken throat, milk throat, peanut butter throat.
I have a bad throat.
I just never had peanut butter.
How?
I don't know.
My mama never bought it for the house. It was never there. How did Caitlin had peanut butter. How? I don't know. My mama never bought it for the house.
It was never there.
How did Caitlin have peanut butter?
When I moved out of the house when I was 26, I'm not going to start.
That's like a cupboard constant.
There's always a jar of peanut butter.
You're right.
Cupboard?
We'd have chips.
We would have-
Cupboard?
We have legitimate no food in my apartment.
That's a poverty thing too.
Everyone has cupboards.
We'd have a cupboard.
What did you open and close?
Peanut butter is like the thing that you, like, if you're like, oh, I got to, like, find something to eat.
Peanut butter is like this.
Yeah.
It sustains you.
You can eat peanut butter forever.
Best poverty food.
Okay, so when it was sandwich time at my house, it was a grilled cheese or a fried bologna sandwich.
That's what I had.
That's, like, still, it was a grilled cheese or a fried bologna sandwich. That's what I had. That's a process.
It's also no less
expensive or more expensive than peanut butter.
I don't know why.
Is this your mom's problem or your problem?
I called my mama last night and I said,
Mama, make sure
you're ready to defend me that I'm not lying
about this. She said, you never had peanut butter.
We never had it in the house. You never had PB&J.
If you're allergic.
That also is funny, the fact that his
mom knows every, like that he's,
like if I called my mom and was like, hey, have I
ever had this? She'd be like, what the fuck do I know?
I'd expect that out of Glennie.
Grown adults is the key part.
She said when she was
pregnant, the only thing she craved and ate
the most was peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And when she got un-pregnant, it disgusted her.
She did not want to ever look at it again, so she never bought it.
So you were built in the womb via peanut butter.
Yeah, I think I got it all when I was in, yeah.
Do you think that was a metaphor for you?
Like she was real into it when she was pregnant, but then.
When I came out, it was just everything she loved is kind of dead.
Face reminds her of afterbirth.
So today you will.
Today you will.
Is it something you're disgusted by?
I've just never been involved with it.
I think you're going to love it.
See, that is like...
I'm not disgusted by it.
It's so damn good is the problem.
It's so good.
I was poor. That's what I it. It's so damn good is the problem. It's so good. I was poor.
That's what I mean.
It's a poverty snack.
And also being like, I never have been involved.
Involved.
I'm going to tell you a story.
I'm going to tell you...
It's got to be one of the more common foods.
You're like almost saying like, I've never been involved with the Ku Klux Klan.
That's like what...
That's what you say you've never been involved with.
Weird story, and I probably shouldn't tell it.
When I was 10 years old, I had an aunt who lived out in the county,
and she heard.
What does that mean?
My dad was going through some things,
and she heard that we were having trouble making ends meet,
and she shows up one day in the summer, and I'm at home by myself
just playing Nintendo or whatever.
She shows up.
She takes me grocery shopping, and she buys the family groceries,
like a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries,
and she bought peanut butter, and we took it home, and then
I didn't know what to say. When Mama got home, I said,
well, Aunt came. She made me buy
peanut butter. Aunt came and got all this stuff,
and then she threw the peanut butter
away. Kept everything else, but we
didn't. That's so crazy.
She had a phobia. That's the whole thing.
Yeah. We didn't keep the peanut butter.
Is she going to be pissed if she sees this?
I don't think so. I'm a grown fucking man.
I'm 38 years old.
Yeah, they're like a peanut butter.
They get like allergic to it.
Is that the new age you're going with?
I'm 38.
That actually is like.
It's really sad when that's your age.
No, but that's like a good believable.
Yeah, I'm 38 years old.
38 years old.
All right, so.
I'll eat peanut butter.
I have no aversion to it.
Well, no, we don't know that.
When you say I'll eat peanut butter, you've never done it.
All right.
We don't know if you will.
You're going to like it.
It doesn't look good.
It's delicious, dude.
It doesn't look good.
Also, this can be dangerous because if you like it, you're going to eat a lot of it,
and it is high in calories.
Uh-huh.
You're going to get a panic monster.
Yeah, oh, no.
You're going to put on that weight that you just lost.
I hope I don't eat calories.
Also, we got to eat peanut butter. We're going to do on that weight that you just lost. I hope I don't eat calories. I also, we got you
peanut butter.
We're going to do
a peanut butter
sandwich thing.
What the fuck else
did you get?
I also got, it
reminded me of my
school lunches as a
kid because that's
all I ever got was
peanut butter and
jelly.
So I'm making
school lunch for
each of you today.
Yeah.
I got juice boxes,
polio.
Lunch day.
We got polio,
string cheese, we
got snack packs,
pudding packs.
Damn.
Ever had juice,
Brandon?
String cheese is elite.
String cheese is an elite snack.
Wait, but do you guys eat the string cheese?
Do you pull and peel?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
But then about halfway through.
Just eat it like a banana.
Savage.
I'll do either.
I just eat it like a banana.
You're a savage.
Does this feel more important?
Yeah, it does.
It feels more mobster-y.
That's not peanut butter.
She got the half-assed stuff.
Oh, no.
Can't be his first taste.
Can't be his first taste.
We're going to start at the bottom and move our way up.
Okay.
First of all, just do the poorest of poor person things and just go for it.
I was going to say, I eat an entire jar of peanut butter a week probably.
Just with a spoon. See, that's gross. No, it entire jar of peanut butter a week probably. Just with a spoon.
See, that's gross.
No, it's not.
It really isn't gross.
You're gross.
Don't try to say White Sox.
Steve's the weird one here.
Okay.
Wow, this is the first peanut butter?
This is it?
This has jelly too?
Yeah.
He's trying it.
What did you think?
Get real close to the mic so people can hear it stuck to the roof of your mouth.
You thought chicken throat was bad.
Well.
Oh.
Oh, gross.
What are we thinking?
I taste a lot of jelly.
You know, it tastes like Reese's Cups.
I don't think this is that big of a deal.
It just tastes like, yeah.
It's good, though.
It's good. Did you do it again is really the question. Here's Cups. I don't think this is that big of a deal. It just tastes like, yeah. It's good, though. It's good.
Did you do it again is really the question.
Here's my issue.
I don't have an urge to spread that on bread.
Why?
Have you ever had old?
Wait, did you get bread?
Wait until you do, though.
Did you get bread?
Yeah, let's go.
I want one right now.
I don't want this stuff, though.
This stuff is gross.
I'm going to do a bunch of variations.
I'll cut them into sailboats, and everybody can pick and choose.
Okay, perfect.
Hors d'oeuvres.
I washed my hands before this.
I don't believe you, but that's okay. Maybe I didn't.
I'm right from the start. We saw you come in.
My son's school, they make
him wash his hands before and we just
go into the bathroom and run the water and then...
Come on, we're not
washing our hands every day. This is crazy.
You've got to build up his immune system. This is crazy.
Strategically getting out of washing your hands.
This is so funny.
It's crazy.
We're standing right next to the sink.
I'll do anything just to not wash this.
Right there.
Yeah.
Couldn't be closer.
Takes the same amount of time.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hell yes.
This is great.
Yeah.
Dave, name three animals that begin with the letter N
N
You got this
This is tough
This gave me fits
When you're put on the spot like this
It's like shit
Can I suggest one?
Stumped
Narwhal
That's what everyone goes Give me three more Shit. I was alone in my bed. Can I suggest one? Stumped. Yes. A narwhal. That was the only one.
That's what everyone goes.
Give me three more.
Three more.
Give me one more.
How about a nightingale?
That's a bird.
That's a K.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Yeah, I know you could probably do it.
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Fuck.
Yeah, you never asked me that on purpose.
I'm out.
I think I'm out. A newt.
Ooh. It starts with a G, doesn't it? Yeah, I'm out. A Newt. Oh.
It starts with a G, doesn't it? Yeah, I'll just.
What?
It starts with a G.
That's a Newt.
You think of Newt Gingrich.
And a Newt.
Okay.
A Newt.
Yeah, that's a Newt.
A Newt starts with a G.
I was stumped for so long.
What else?
And I Googled it, and the most, there's no common ones.
Give me the rest of them.
It was like Newt, Naked Mole Rat, I guess Nightingale, Narwhal.
That's it?
I'm sure there's more, but they're obscure.
What about a Newt?
Do you remember the alphabet books with the animals?
What was N?
Wait, hold on.
Kate's given Brandon the N.
It was a Narwhal.
It was a Nightingale?
I think it was a bird.
Wait, let me see the bottom of that real quick.
She's really spreading that.
She's given, okay, I thought she was giving Brandon the N piece I think it was a bird. Wait, let me see the bottom of that real quick. You're really spreading that. She's giving...
Okay, I thought she was giving Brandon the end piece.
I like the end piece.
How do you like the end piece?
It's automatic.
It's just bread.
Do we have anything to eat these with?
You bring spoons?
Oh, yes, I do.
I remember when I was little, my mom used to pack my lunch,
and I would get to school some days,
and it would be two end pieces, and she would flip them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, she got you.
I would be so pissed.
I would ruin my day.
All these special things end up costing you money.
I paid for this one.
I gave you the card this time.
All right.
Did she think that she was fooling you?
I think she probably did, but you can visibly tell.
It's very easy to tell.
Little Sasquatch.
This is for the pudding?
Yellow pudding.
I love pudding.
You do.
Cosby and pudding.
I love Cosby and pudding.
Brandon Walker's two favorite things in the world.
It's about every five years for me that I have a pudding.
I don't love pudding that much.
Do you still watch Cosby, Brandon?
I had a butterscotch.
Oh, I'm being serious.
I think you do.
I just want you to answer.
There are many great actors on that show,
and I do not want to sully the legacy of the great Felicia Rashad,
just because her co-star was into other things.
Yes.
It is your favorite show of all time.
It is.
I have the DVDs, yes.
I still have DVDs to this day.
It's the only DVDs I watch.
Every time you watch an episode, it's money in his pocket.
Is it true you buy them new every year just to
make sure that you
are stimulating the economy? And he goes and visits
him in prison?
Hey, Mr. Cosby. Just re-bought it.
Yeah, exactly.
That time. My dad used to play
Cosby comedy records
to me when I was a kid.
That was one of our things. I loved the Cosby
show. I thought Bill Cosby was super funny. like a week before Hannibal Buress did that set that
like reignited everything and everyone remembered like oh he's a giant pervert I took my parents I
brought them up to New York and got great seats to see him at car I think it was at is it Carnegie
Hall up our Radio City Music Hall or something like that literally like a week before all that
happened so I'm done I'm like oh I'm going to see Bill Cosby.
We're going to see Bill Cosby.
I had never heard of that shit before.
No.
I had no idea.
And then a week later, I wasn't as proud.
I saw him in person in 1992.
It is kind of crazy that just that one, like it was kind of out there, and then one person
does a set about it, and it just, I was like, oh shit, he is a pro.
Yeah.
Everyone was like, yeah.
You think he hates Hannibal?
Has to. Oh no. Do you know what the crazy part he is a pro. Yeah. Everyone was like, yeah. You think he hates Hannibal? Has to.
Oh, no.
Do you know what the crazy part is?
Yeah, probably.
The man right now is free.
He's out of jail.
He's doing a comedy show?
From a technicality.
Got out of jail.
Wait, what was the technicality?
It was just something that went wrong in the trial.
Just like didn't do it or whatever.
A minor thing that went wrong.
Yeah, it was just Brandon Walker was the juror.
I'm not really convinced.
It was such a good show.
Let's see back out on the circuit.
Isn't there like 160 allegations against him?
It's bad.
It's really bad.
Is it that bad?
That might be Harvey Weinstein.
It's similar to Harvey Weinstein, another one, R. Kelly.
These guys that anyone in the industry was like, yeah, it's bad.
Zoom in on the PB&J.
Okay, here we go.
Wait, hold on.
Let me get a picture.
I don't know how PB&J is supposed to look, but that's got to be a good looking one right there.
It's pretty good.
A lot of pea.
This is extra crunchy with grape jelly.
Extra crunchy peanut butter.
Paul, here, pass it on.
Crunchy's good.
Crunchy's good.
Anybody wants a little sailboat?
I do like peanuts.
I go to Five Guys once a week just so I can have their peanuts.
Oh, that's totally why you go to Five Guys.
I have everything else, too.
But while I'm waiting for my burger, I have about eight peanuts.
Yum.
Boiled peanuts is one of my favorite foods.
Dip this in the pudding?
Are you going to dip that in the pudding?
Oh, that's crazy.
I dip, to this day, I dip my PB&Js in milk.
Oh, that's crazy, too.
It's like a donut.
It's like a jelly donut.
Milk and peanut butter is a delicious
It's an awesome pair.
It's a great compliment.
It's like February.
Does anyone need a juice pouch?
Sure.
Thank you.
Think fast.
I'm not going to critique
your mom-ness
Kate
Uh oh
Getting this instead of Capri Sun
Yeah that was a little
You're a shitty mom
I know but
New York City grocery stores
Are hard as hell
There's only a
Whole Foods
And uh
There's only healthy shit
I would call
What
Oh you like it
That's pretty good
It is
Yeah
God damn jelly
Alright
I mean I love jelly
Are you
Wait till we get the fluff going.
I do jelly biscuits.
Oh, no, that shit's disgusting.
Oh, no, you're wrong, Dave.
It's disgusting.
No, Dave, I'm sorry.
I love you, but you're wrong.
The marshmallow?
That is, yeah.
Yeah.
Melted marshmallows.
I don't like it.
It's good.
That's why I was late.
I don't like it.
But strawberry jelly is the more elite jelly as well.
Grape jelly.
Well, you're lucky I brought strawberry jelly.
I couldn't find fluffernutter.
Oh, no. I can figure it out with the microwave if I try hard. Grape jelly. Well, you're lucky I brought strawberry jelly. I couldn't find fluffernutter. Oh, no.
I can figure it out with the microwave
if I try hard. Oh, God. That's right. We just
eat the marshmallows. Have you ever put a
chubby bunny marshmallow in the microwave?
Oh, yeah. It ruins. It explodes.
Very fun. Mom gets real mad.
So, Brandon,
what do you think? It's really good.
It's really good. It's the most perfect snack.
The fact that it's taken you that long, it's just mind-blowing.
Fuck my mom.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
You got to try it.
Brandon, you would love an Uncrustable.
Oh, my God.
They're so good.
You would love an Uncrustable.
That's the most iconic sandwich in the world.
It actually probably is.
In America. I don't know about
other yeah in america the most iconic the grilled cheese yes in america the most it's probably the
most iconic lunch i can't understand but as far as like convenience goes nothing better than a pbj
oh actually you gotta get like pans and shit for a grilled cheese if you could do like uh advanced
stats of your life i would say most people probably have have PB&J number one just by the fact they ate it so much as a kid.
And it travels into adulthood, too.
I think that you can just smack a PB&J at any time.
It becomes like a delicacy.
Wasn't that 1-1 in the draft?
It might have been.
Also, not to double down on the Uncrustables, but you're never eating just one Uncrustable.
Oh, no.
You're having like five.
No.
No.
You got to refrigerate them, though.
You freeze them.
Oh, yeah.
Now, Brandon, we're getting into some weird shit here.
Yeah, like the-
Almond Brothers.
The Organic Brothers.
Now, look at the liquid.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, Brandon.
You got to mix it up.
Almond butter is better, in my opinion.
The liquid is gross.
This is still peanut butter.
It's just real greasy.
You got to really mix.
Put the cap on and turn it upside down.
I'll just make it nice and wet.
Nice.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, gross.
Have another one, Mommy?
Make it nice and sloppy.
Looks like the almond's nut butter, dude.
That's disgusting.
So, Brandon, how are you feeling?
And it also, this is just someone's going to accuse us of being paid off by big peanut butter today.
But it's like one of the only lunches you can have or sandwiches you can have that you can walk away not feeling that full.
But peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you're not like, oh.
It doesn't weigh you down.
Oh, boy.
It's like you're eating a chicken.
No, it's a good full.
Yeah, right.
Because of the peanut butter.
You don't feel like a piece of shit, but it.
You're good.
You're good.
You were struggling for a second there.
What was going on?
It can kill you.
The last bite.
It would be awesome if he was allergic.
By the way, this is funny that we're doing this the day after.
I know, yeah.
The last bite was.
He is allergic to peanut butter.
It was really two bites, but I decided to take it down in one, and that was a mistake.
It can glob up your throat.
This is absolute garbage.
Yeah, what is that, Kate?
It is so bad.
There's no sugar in it.
Frenchie ball is also bullshit.
There is no sugar in this, Kate.
I would never give this to my children.
I wanted to find an ecto-cooler, something like that, or little Yoo-Hoo juice boxes.
Is that that green goblin dude?
Yeah.
Is that what it was?
Oh, those were so sweet.
Yep.
From Ghostbusters.
Yeah, the Ghostbusters.
I used to watch Ghostbusters
all the time.
Oh, yeah.
It's the most popular
sandwiches in the world.
Ruben's a good sandwich.
No, it ain't.
Well, yes it is.
No, it's not.
Asia's weighing us down.
Ruben is incredible.
Let me see the 10.
Tell me Ruben's not good?
Ruben's one of the most
overrated sandwiches. Ruben's incredible. We could talk the 10. Tell me Ruben's not good? Ruben's one of the most overrated sandwiches.
Ruben's incredible.
We could talk sandwiches.
We're talking food, KB.
Cubans?
Cubans are Rubens.
Deserving 11.
Cubans are better than Cubans.
Ouellette?
No, they're not.
No way.
Thank you.
Ron, you're such a piece of shit sometimes.
Avocado toast is number nine?
Get the fuck out of here.
France, Europe.
This can't be right.
It's not a sandwich.
Oh, that's a good thing.
They lobster rolls like... Sure, they eat it a good thing. Lobster rolls like a-
That's where they eat it.
But you've had lobster rolls in your life compared to PB&J.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
Like lobster roll, having lobster roll on there is not fair.
It's like what's your favorite type of like cookout?
I don't know, like a prime rib.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lobster rolls like a delicacy.
Yeah, that's a $50 sandwich.
I would like to eat the rest of that. Oh, yeah, of course, one delicacy. Yeah, that's a $50 sandwich.
Oh, yeah, of course, one of those.
What is that?
That doesn't look good.
What is that? What's it covered in?
Beer-infused tomato sauce.
Okay, well, actually, that sounds pretty good.
That sounds pretty good.
That's hardly a sandwich if you have to eat it
with a knife and fork.
Okay, Brandon, real quick. This one is strawberry jam.
Cheese steak.
There you go.
Five.
Strawberry jam.
With healthy peanut butter, but I also put Cooler Ranch Doritos on it.
This is a great hack, Brandon.
All right.
Wait, on what?
On the sandwich.
On the peanut butter jelly.
Does that work?
Trust me.
I'll give you guys these ones.
Trust me.
I think I'm hogging them all.
I know.
Actually, I'll have one.
Yeah.
All right.
You can see the Cooler Ranch Dorito hanging off my PB&J right here.
Never had that.
Oh, and now it's dripping.
Have you ever thrown any J on an egg sandwich?
What the fuck?
It's really good.
Yeah, J on an egg sandwich is good.
My grandpa put me onto it.
It's jelly?
The one you know his name?
Yes.
You can put jelly on anything.
I put jelly on sausage biscuit.
Jelly's great.
Yeah.
All right.
Wait.
Keep going. Top five. Eat the rest of the sandwich. I put jelly on sausage biscuit. Jelly's great. Yeah. All right, wait. Keep going.
Top five.
Eat the rest of the sandwich.
Take a bite, Brandon, first.
Good crunch.
No.
No.
He's saying no.
It's there.
It's there.
It's there.
Hold on a second.
Hold on just a darn minute.
Did you really eat this or are you fucking with me?
This growing up.
Oh, no, this is.
PB&J with Cooler Ranch Doritos or sour cream and onion chips, which I also brought, was
like my go-to growing up.
I'll be honest, I've never even heard of that.
I put chips on every sandwich.
Not bad.
I put just regular potato chips.
Anybody else tried it?
Is that a prank?
No.
Yeah.
No, I swear to God.
No, this is a thing.
Sour cream and onion.
It doesn't fit.
It definitely doesn't fit.
It's not a taste I would go back to.
No.
It's a salty sweetness.
It's a flavor too far.
No, you guys are wrong.
Too many flavors.
It's a flavor too far.
It's just like a little.
Nah.
No?
If it was texture.
This is a no.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh.
Huh.
Wow.
Well, you followed the effort.
You're not going to eat it, though, Brandon?
You might as well eat it.
You should still finish it.
Don't be rude.
You didn't finish yours.
What are you talking about?
Where is it?
It's in my belly.
It also might be because.
Also, Dave's not getting any sandwiches.
It tastes good.
No, he passed it on the wrong side of the pass out.
He passed it that way.
Did you go to Katch?
I'm sorry?
Go to Katch?
Ah, Keens. How was it? Steak sorry. Go to Catch. Keens.
How was it?
Steakhouse?
Yeah, it was pretty good.
Ed, Ryan, and Riggs.
Nice.
Ryan is in chief.
It was good.
Nice.
Except the clams.
I think they might have been bad.
Oh.
Yeah.
Bad tasting or they went out?
They smelled a little too fishy to me.
Yeah.
You don't want that.
I still ate like every last one of them because they used to eat them after they tried one.
So I had to finish them.
But you don't want to send back a clammy plate.
I didn't have to finish them at all.
I mean, I wasn't going to let them go to waste.
I have a date night in the city tonight.
I'm bringing my wife in.
Oh, so you're going to have steak and fuck.
Oh, someone's fucking.
I have Italian and fuck. You're going's fucking. I have Italian and fuck.
You're going to make a child tonight?
That sounds awful.
Yeah.
You can fuck on Italian.
You can fuck on Italian.
Oh, you can't fuck on Italian.
You don't fuck on Italian.
Yeah, no.
What's the best food to fuck on?
Sushi?
I would say, you know, squats.
Like, heavy squats.
Or aphrodisiac.
Dude, but that gets you going.
Aphrodisiac.
Aren't shellfish aphrodisiacs? Yeah. Oy you going. Aphrodisiac. Aren't shellfish aphrodisiacs?
Yeah.
Oysters are.
A conch shell.
Worst is Mexican.
Conch fritters.
I think I would say Italian might be the worst.
Why?
Yeah, it's just so heavy.
Yeah, it's so heavy.
Fosse.
Very high quality Italian.
After you're in Italian, you've got to go home and lay down.
Yeah, you're taking next.
Oysters.
Pomegranates.
All right.
Oh, this is preposterous.
Oh, yeah.
European sex.
What are they having?
It's like to increase your libido.
All right.
Cheese steak five.
I'm really interested.
I like that.
I don't like that.
Roast.
No.
No.
No.
Wrong.
Wrong.
I actually like that.
Ew.
With lettuce and tomato like that?
It's a Subway roast.
Ew.
That's awful.
Wrong.
There are good roast beefs, but that ain't it.
Alright, Croque de Monsur.
That is an elite sandwich.
I hope you die. That's an elite sandwich.
Roast beef's
good at like a funeral luncheon when it's in a hot pot.
That's about right.
No, that's not right.
Ruben's incredible.
There's such bad things.
A tuna melts better than a Ruben's incredible. It's not two. I love Ruben's. There's such bad things. Grilled cheese is going to be a one.
A tuna melts better than a Ruben.
I know.
Facts, Reed.
Yes.
That's an easy fact.
Yes.
Ruben has the wrong flavors.
That's the right flavors. They go together, but it's just the wrong ones.
Is it grilled cheese?
BLT.
No, I agree with that.
I don't.
BLT.
You don't like BLTs?
BLTs are so good.
I think that's what you put together when you don't have anything else.
Clubhouse.
Throw turkey on there.
Yeah.
Makes it entirely better.
Agreed.
Club?
I'm sorry?
Club.
Yeah.
Not a clubhouse.
I worked at a restaurant.
We called them a clubhouse.
But yeah, it's a club.
What are you putting on it now, Kate?
Bacon.
Oh, now this will be good.
I have never heard this before, but it has piqued my interest.
Peanut butter and bacon is a great combo.
They're starting to put...
Where'd you get the bacon?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
Where'd you get this bacon?
You're pulling the bacon out of a bag.
This is bacon sourcing.
You're pulling the bacon out of a bag.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
It's like the dog treat bacon.
Yeah.
Where'd you get the bacon?
Give me that bacon.
Okay.
That's hilarious.
This one's real sloppy.
My mom is expecting a phone call, by the way.
About what?
Let's call her.
About what?
Send the number to TJ.
We'll ask her what the hell's going on.
You can tell her, hey, mama, I ate some peanut butter.
How about that?
Make sure you tell her.
Are you going to tell her you told her to fuck herself
10 minutes ago too?
I didn't say that.
You said fuck your mom.
That's worse.
Oh no, we won't bring that up.
We're not calling her.
That's worse than saying go fuck yourself.
She said fuck my mom.
Which in every way you spin that's bad.
Does she have the same tits as your wife?
That's my wife.
Why would she?
They might be related.
They're your mom.
They might be related.
Yeah.
Are you about to feed these to your kin or what?
I don't want this.
I want one of these.
Okay.
I'm good.
I'll pass on this one.
Are you going to introduce?
Yeah, that's the other part is your wife doesn't do peanut
butter and jelly in the house.
Oh, they do.
They eat what?
Wait, so you don't eat what your wife eats?
I don't eat what the kids eat.
I eat only what my kids eat.
I don't.
I buy my own snacks, my own... I do all the grocery shopping.
Why did I get the worst looking one?
Yeah, because it's you.
Does anyone want a polio string cheese?
Yes.
I will do a string cheese. Okay. I got fruit roll-ups as well. How's the one with the bacon because it's you. Does anyone want a polio string cheese? Yes. I will do a string cheese.
I got fruit roll-ups as well.
How's the one with the bacon?
Uh-huh.
That's good.
Oh, God.
Mine's too drippy.
So you've seen your kids
eat a peanut butter and jelly
and you weren't like,
oh, that looks pretty good.
Wow.
Tommy doesn't care for it.
The middle boy loves it, and the younger boy only really eats chicken.
Oh, announcement.
You got the good stuff.
Just chicken?
Tommy Walker will be in the building tomorrow.
Oh, fuck him out.
Tommy Walker will be in the building tomorrow. For what? There's another barstool employee that wants to interview him for something oh i
heard about this and i'm bringing him in to interview with that person you're letting this
person do this i'll sit in the room with him so it's on this interview and i hooked him up on
facetime i talked to him on facetime i had tommy and this person on facetime last night and they
got to know each other so who was it? Can you tell us?
I know who it is.
There's no reason I shouldn't tell you, right?
It's just Francis.
There was a FaceTime last night. Francis and
Tommy Walker.
Francis grooming your son is
a storyline I didn't think
would happen in 2022.
I figured it would.
What are you going to say, Steven?
I actually don't want to say this on the air.
There's Tommy's guy for you.
I have to ask you something about Tommy.
What?
Is it about...
So you just said it on the air.
Is it about what he does in the shower?
No.
Oh, fuck.
Well, you asked me about what I do in the shower.
I didn't know if you were transferring it to my kid.
You're a grown man.
That makes it... Okay, yeah, you're right. You just said I have something... I would like to know the shower. I didn't know if you were transferring it to my kid. You're a grown man. That makes it... Okay, yeah, you're right.
You just said I have something...
I would like you to ask me the question
about Tommy. Fine.
I talked to Merch today. Can he
be in the Yacht Calendar?
Whoa.
Oh, did you say no? I said whoa.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea.
So then let's set that up for tomorrow. Well, we have it since he's
going to be here. You know, Tommy Walker Day happened in October last year.
I know.
We missed it.
But we have to get this done in the next, like, two weeks.
So let's just shoot him tomorrow.
And then we'll do that.
Whoa, dude.
Damn, Jay.
Take his picture.
Oh, all right.
Steven, what's up with you?
Should we fake kidnap him tomorrow?
No, don't fake kidnap.
Yeah, Steven, what is up with you?
What have you been doing?
Anything new?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I wrote an NBA blog today.
Oh, what was it about?
Did you link to the...
Better believe it.
Patrick Beverly show?
Of course I did.
Okay, good.
Thank you, brother.
It's a different one than I told you about yesterday.
A different show?
A different topic.
So what was your blog about?
Steven A. saying Kyrie Irving is going to the Lakers after this year.
It actually just came out right now, 1.30.
What's your take?
I mean, he said barring any trades, but that would be a historic reuniting.
But LeBron's going to be 39 next year, so I don't love it.
Yeah, well, LeBron's still going to be with the Lakers is the question. Russell Westbrook doing the just like
can we play clips?
We can play NBA.
Please.
Of games?
No, it was a preseason game.
It doesn't count.
It's a game highlight.
It was like his intro, right?
Oh, it was Russell Westbrook
with McDaniels
from
the Timberwolves.
They got in like such a
like a five- five year old spat
It was awesome
You can play it TJ
I'm sure it'll be fine
Yeah it'll be fine
Yeah there's no way that will backfire
If anybody gets in trouble
It'll just be TJ
He gets fired off the show
It'll be fine
We got this
We lost Owen
Yeah
What do you think Owen's doing right now?
Are you older or younger than
You're staring at me.
You just got in a...
Older or younger than what?
Udonis Haslam.
Definitely older.
I'm much older.
Okay.
Not much.
He was in college in 2007, right?
No.
Five, six?
He's been in the league 21 years.
I think he's a draft class of 02, so he's probably 42.
He's 42 years old.
He's 42?
Is he active?
Oh, I confused him with the Horfords and the Noahs.
Noahs, yeah.
Corey Brewers.
Yeah.
Torian Greens.
98 to 2002.
Humphreys.
Yeah, so I'm one year older than him.
Yeah.
Hmm.
You could still be in the league.
Look at this.
Aslan is the best story in sports.
This is a great, like, fuck you.
No, fuck you.
No, fuck you.
Jack Ball.
This wasn't that cool.
It was cool.
The first two were really cool.
Yeah.
As quick as he threw it back, the quickness with which he threw it back.
I wish they had just left on forever.
He's Russ.
What were you going to say about Aslam?
Coolest story in sports?
I don't know.
The guy hasn't been relevant.
What about Caitlyn Jenner?
He's played five minutes in the last ten years, and he's still on a bench.
He's still cashing checks.
It's unbelievable.
How do they justify paying him?
He's basically a coach that plays.
Culture.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting.
He's basically Caitlyn Jenner.
Yeah, he's basically Caitlyn Jenner.
Steven. Caitlyn Jenner.
Caitlyn Jenner.
I don't know. You guys asked me what's up.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Blogs from NBA.
Grinding tape.
Same as usual. Yeah.
Just usual. Let's put a little bit
more effort into the NFL draft this year,
Steven. Yeah. Yeah, let's not get
fucked and make mistakes.
Well, don't manipulate my sources and intentionally lie to me.
I won't agree to that.
Adversity comes up for anybody.
Yeah.
Roadblocks come up, man.
How about we just don't make the mistakes and keep out the whole manipulate your sources and lie to you thing?
Did you already start planning?
No, I haven't done anything.
You started planning it three years ago.
Steven, I don't even think about you.
Okay.
Yeah. It doesn't even come about you. Okay. Yeah.
It doesn't even come in my orbit, in my brain.
What position do you have the Bears taking in the first round?
I mean, let's see who their coach is next year.
Wow.
What?
It's the same guy.
First year.
Why would they get rid of him?
Guys have been fired after a single year before.
They have to be really bad, like Hackett.
Yeah.
Maybe like their court – what's that?
He's not getting fired.
Probably not.
No, definitely not.
The level of ineptitude on offenses.
You're thinking about too many things.
You need to focus on the draft.
You're thinking about a coach getting fired after one year.
Get that off your plate.
You've got bad energy.
Yeah.
You do have bad energy.
All right.
Fuck you.
God damn it.
Maybe receiver?
Hey, Pete.
Probably.
Darnell Mooney is tough number one.
What do you think of tonight?
Bears commanders.
On the five-year anniversary of BBT.
Oh, is it?
Hank tweeted it out, yeah.
Oh.
I think the Bears are going to win.
Where's the game?
Or they might not.
In Chicago.
It's going to be a slot fest, too, apparently.
What?
Yeah.
No.
Raining, yeah.
No.
Yeah.
I looked on Pick Central.
It said rain.
The gambling show?
Yeah.
No, there's a 30% chance of rain right now and it ends at
5 o'clock. God damn it. Change then.
No slop fest. But even then, that's all
you need for Soldier Field.
That's true. Could be a mini slop
fest. Mini slop fest. That's more
appropriate. Kate, are you just silently
eating the sandwiches now?
Hey, what the hell? Get us some more
sandwiches. This one has marshmallows on it.
More sandwiches.
You're not eating this?
Are you skipping this one, Brandon?
Fluff or Nutter is the best.
I've had three now.
I'd like to save room for my lunch.
Wait, you're eating?
Why don't you just eat your lunch?
This is your lunch.
I actually don't want one of the other ones at all.
That's not going to be my lunch.
I don't like those.
What's your lunch?
Can I make another plain one?
I'll have that one. These are delicious. Do you want it,? Can I make another plain one? I'll have a peanut butter.
I'll have that one.
It's delicious.
Do you want it, Dave?
No, I'm good.
I don't like peanut butter.
I could eat peanut butter forever.
I also have more Doritos.
I got other chips to put on your sandwich if you want.
I'll just eat some Doritos.
Okay.
Not the same as Fluff.
No, it's not the same as Fluff.
Nope.
It's not as good at all.
It's a nice flavor profile.
It's the same profile, different texture, though.
Who is Dion's agent?
That he's on Cool Ranch Doritos.
How does he get on everything?
He's on Cool Ranch Doritos right now?
Yes.
What the hell?
So awesome.
He just gets money, dude.
He just gets money.
He's on Subway.
He's on Aflac.
He's kind of cheap, right?
Not in a bad way, but like...
He's on Swack.
I know that.
He doesn't go crazy.
Did y'all see that shit?
What?
The other coach saying he ain't Swack, I'm Swack.
Yeah, that was bullshit.
What is that?
He ain't on Swack.
What does that mean?
AB, did you feel good about yourself yesterday
when you went mini- mini viral with your rapping?
Because it was so funny.
Yeah, but I said I've been waiting to do that.
Like doing it in the shower regularly.
Trying to perfect it.
I don't know what happened.
Something snapped in my brain and I had to do it
You just had to do it right then
It was Owen's last day
You were getting heated
It just felt like the same energy
That sandwich debate and Kendrick's mood
During the recording of King Kunta
I'd agree
You matched the energy
When was the last time you listened to it before yesterday?
Pretty regularly At least once a week.
I was on Shuffle.
You listened to that whole album or what?
No.
I wouldn't mind if you did.
I'm not a whole album guy.
I've never enjoyed an entire album.
Oh.
There are some albums that are start to finish.
No, they're all good, but I'm not going to keep listening.
Or die blind self-titled.
That's one of my favorites.
Yeah, Richard's not trying.
50 Cent?
80.
Yeah.
There's always one that I won't listen to again.
Huh.
An album?
One song on an album.
Oh, got it, got it.
I just like to hear what the artist wanted you to hear.
The Vision.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I like to hear the Vision.
You're a shuffle guy.
Front to back?
What?
Front to back? You got to go over. Yeah, like a shuffle guy. Why? Yeah. Why? Always have been. But that like to hear the vision. Front to back guy or shuffle guy? Front to back. What? Front to back.
You've got to go over.
Yeah, like a shuffle guy.
Why?
Yeah.
Why?
Always have been.
But that's not how the artists wanted you.
They put it in that order.
Well, I listen to region.
I listen to front to back once, and then after that, I'll shuffle.
That's reasonable.
I listen to different tracks when there'd be like a hidden track at the end.
That was really weird.
Wait 30 seconds.
Mm-hmm.
You can't do that anymore with streaming.
Nope.
No.
Did y'all use the CD sleeve to learn the lyrics, or did you just...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Google.
Remember Eminem.
Print out the lyrics.
Just to remember all those.
Totally.
Yeah.
Nowadays, everybody wants to know.
Totally.
Totally.
What other animals have no...
Letters have no animals?
I was thinking about that, too.
How many Qs are there?
I was just going through the kids' books and puzzles.
They just use Nightingale.
Nightingale.
How many Vs are there?
I don't remember that.
We need to get a new animal or rename.
That's a common letter, too.
There's probably some animals that have the wrong name.
You know what I mean?
What do you mean?
Like a platypus.
It's like, what?
Are you really a platypus?
That might be a bad example, but I'm saying some are probably incorrectly named.
Yeah.
Platypus is just a mini whale, right?
No, platypus is a duck.
I was thinking of a manatee.
Oh, it's a duck rat.
A manatee is just a whale that's like-
No, a manatee is a cow in the ocean.
Right, which is also what a whale is.
Fair enough. It's still hard to believe. No, no. A whale is an elephant in the ocean. Right, which is also what a whale is. Fair enough.
Still hard to believe.
No, no, a whale is an elephant in the ocean.
I think that's actually true.
Cows and elephants are the same.
We don't eat elephants.
I would.
I bet you an elephant burger would taste delicious.
You're just not allowed to eat it.
Probably used to.
It was probably so damn good that we ate them out of being able to be eaten.
It was too good.
Like the dodo.
Yeah.
Delicious-ass dodo.
Dodo.
Why did the dodo go extinct?
It's just stupid.
They were only native to the Mauritius, the islands in the Indian Ocean.
So we don't really miss them.
Only spot them.
No, they weren't really a big bird.
What's the saddest thing that's gone?
I want to be sad about something.
Pelicans are on their way out.
Rhinos close, isn't it?
Oh, rhinos I think are making a comeback.
No, the white rhino.
I saw there was only three left.
I saw one of the three at the San Diego.
He's not doing good?
Oh, he's dead now.
I think white rhinos might be finally totally done.
That's also one of those things that it will live on forever in weed strains.
White rhino, I feel like. Gas station dick pills. Yeah, right. That's a one of those things that it will live on forever in weed strains. White rhino, I feel like.
Ass station dick pills.
There's other rhinos, though.
There's black rhinos.
What have we lost? See that guy?
Mouth hand fish. I'm happy he's gone.
Yeah, fuck that. See ya, bitch.
I don't have such a good image of him.
That's a gross ass picture of him.
Bramble K. Melanie?
That's just a mouse.
That's a mouse.
Okay, so so far, nothing.
Oh, what's up next?
Oh, that one sucks.
Eh.
I mean, if that was just in one river,
they're always going to be gone.
Wait, are there dolphins in that river?
The Yanksy?
I didn't know that.
Not anymore.
Dolphins are in more rivers than you think, though.
Yeah, in America?
Not so much here. Hudson gets a whale every now and though. Yeah, in America? Not so much here.
Hudson gets a whale every now and then.
Yeah, there was a whale last year, remember?
And then the people were replying like, that whale must be so cold.
Can someone put a coat on it?
It's like, ugh.
See, these are all strands of other.
Now, what is that?
That's crap.
Oh, hey, yo.
Who is this guy?
What you is?
Some type of beaver?
Who the fuck is this guy? He's is? Some type of beaver? Who the fuck is this guy?
He's like half zebra, half dog.
Tiger dog?
Hyena?
That's an abomination.
There must have been three of those at most.
Yeah, that's like a mix.
That's a mix.
At one point in time, there was a couple of those.
The passenger pigeon, don't care.
Yeah.
Oh, there's the dog?
That's the opposite of that dog.
Anything with stripes or spots,
it's a shame that they're extinct.
And they're also just zebras,
so they're not extinct.
Why don't we bring zebras over here
to just have a lot of zebras?
Why don't we leave them in Africa?
I don't know.
It's hard to have zebras running around.
That one didn't even exist.
We have the golden toad.
That toad's not golden at all.
That's rust colored.
Happy he's dead.
He must have been a long time ago.
There's nothing that I'm sad about yet.
The Puali?
Who cares?
That's kind of lame.
Butterflies?
No thanks.
That's a sketch.flies, no thanks. Large white.
Arachyte.
That's a sketch.
All right, the black.
Yeah, that's sad.
We're losing... I think this might be all right.
It literally showed the last one dead.
Well, that's just...
He poached the last one.
That's cool.
That wolf's cool.
The Javan tiger?
Oh, that's a badass looking tiger.
That thing's ripped.
Oh, we don't care about snakes. Fuck that. Oh, snakes, fuck's a badass looking tiger. That thing's ripped. Oh, we don't care about snakes.
Fuck that.
Oh, snakes, fuck them.
That's sad.
That one's sad to me.
That one's a little sad.
The tortoise is sad.
Oh, look at this snake.
But that one, his name was Lonesome George.
Yeah, he lived forever.
That's the last one.
It's sad.
It is sad.
Do you guys think if you had like an 8, 9-inch blade just that, you could take out an elephant?
No.
No.
What is wrong with you?
Yes.
You don't think so?
Yes.
Have you ever met someone?
Absolutely.
Do you take an elephant?
Absolutely, yes.
Have you guys ever seen the videos of like the tigers trying to take down elephants and
the elephant is just like fucking them up?
Yeah.
Do tigers have 8-inch blades?
Their teeth?
Yeah.
Are they as smart as I am?
An 8-inch blade is...
Probably smarter.
That's not a big weapon
for an elephant. Dude, all you gotta do is run around the elephant
and then fucking slice his Achilles
tendon. Boom. Topples over.
See ya, bitch. Where do you...
Where is his Achilles tendon? What? The back of his foot.
Where? That work for animals, too?
Look up an elephant's Achilles tendon. I'm sure it's there.
Yeah? Does it work with, like,
what's for humans?
It has to, right? Maybe?
I'm not a biologist.
Fuck.
There was a video recently of an elephant charging at those people on the little thing.
They have a blade?
No, they have a collar, though, and the elephant's keeping up with it pretty easily.
Elephant Achilles tendon.
Boom.
See ya, bitch.
What he's saying is, if you had a knife, could you pick down an elephant?
No.
Could not.
Hey, Steven, could you?
I think you could. I feel like probably. Yeah. Yeah, Steven, you had a knife, could you take down an elephant? I think you could.
I feel like probably.
You're a beast.
You could probably do it with your head.
How big is eight inches?
If you don't know.
You do not have eight inches, Stephen.
Show me with your hands.
I think it's bigger than that.
How many inches do you got?
That's a foot.
And then show me your penis with your hands.
I've measured embarrassingly recently.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And you got to really like tuck it?
You got to push back on your...
On the fat?
Yeah.
I still cheat for no reason.
It wasn't like I was doing it for someone else.
Isn't that something that guys...
Oh, yeah.
When you're growing up, people say that you guys really do that?
Oh, yeah.
You got to measure your dick.
You have to.
I measured mine recently, too, and I was not happy with the...
I haven't measured mine in a while.
Do you measure...
There's a TMI, but do you measure softer than hard?
No, there's no reason.
You never measure soft.
Platonically.
Platonically.
Platonically.
How are you measuring your... You got to get as hard as possible. Platonically, platonically. Platonically, how are you measuring?
You got to get as hard as possible.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Then, yeah, you kind of push your little bit down.
So that gives you probably about a half an inch.
And you really get from like the stump.
You got to like the roots almost.
You might still have internal bleeding.
Roots are like into the balls.
Punctured something by stabbing it too hard.
You have a ruler?
Back in the day, that's what we used.
I'm saying...
Not now.
You just said that you...
This was when I used to do it.
You just said you did it embarrassingly recently.
I did that with my iPhone headphones.
Do you think...
Yeah, I did it with a string.
You think dudes with big dicks measure?
Then I had to pinch it and run to a ruler.
Oh, to see it?
Oh, that's way worse.
Ruler store.
I used my camera.
I used the measuring thing.
The ruler store.
I had to go find a ruler.
Do you have a ruler?
Do you think guys with big dicks do it?
I bet you they don't.
I bet you they're like, yeah, I got a huge dick.
You think guys with huge dicks know they have a huge dick?
Oh, yeah.
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Brandon, big too dick Walker.
Everyone's always said that about him.
How many people do you think think they have huge dicks,
but they actually just have a very average dick?
What about pre-internetet like rural areas? How would you
know? I think it's like
you just know. I think it just happens.
Instinct. Like guys hanging out
and everyone's like, whoa, that's a huge
dick. I've thought I had like an
average size dick and then you like see a random
video with a dude whose dick is like the size of your
whole forearm. Well, that's a porn.
Yeah, but it's like, what the fuck?
Those guys are not fair.
It's like there's gotta be a handful of them out there.
I've heard that so earnestly. They aren't.
PEDs, too, I think. Yeah, there's gotta be.
There's probably one of them in the office.
But they're porn stars. There's probably so many who don't want to get
into porn. They do.
Someone in this office probably
has a forearm penis.
They do.
I guess this is kind of
sexual harassment.
Joey said.
I know someone who might.
Joey said they do this
and they do brought it up.
So we don't even have to
dox anyone else.
I don't know if that would be harassment.
I think they would be
fine with that.
I feel like I've heard that
Vibs is just packing.
I haven't heard that.
I think I did too.
I think you might have told me.
That's because he's got the
I'm not relaying any big dick. Yeah. I always want to see the. I think you might have told me. That's because he's got the skinny big dick.
Yeah.
I always want to see the presidents lined up in order of dick size.
Oh, my God.
Just out of curiosity, Johnson, he was like on, you know, they have the recordings from
the White House, and he's on the phone with the tailor being like, you have to take my
inseam out.
I got a giant cock.
And, like, they had to make his pants bigger to fit his cock, his penis.
I think most presidents either have a huge dick or a very small one.
They're not very small.
Like medium-sized presidents.
I bet if we all drew Joe Biden's dick, none of us would be close.
If we all drew it with our most expansive imagination, I don't think one of us would
be close to even the shape.
Prime Biden or current Biden, because that's an old dick.
That's a very old dick. That's a very old dick.
That's why it's hard.
OBJ had a big cock.
Jumbo?
Huge penis, yeah.
He had to get his pants specifically fitted.
He would also take meetings on the toilet or taking a shit or just with his dick out.
Really?
Yeah, he wanted people to see it.
Do you think he had a bigger dick than LBJ LeBron?
No.
Yes.
Certainly not.
Lyndon B. Johnson?
No.
LBJ had a – LeBron James has a bigger dick than Lyndon Baines Johnson.
I don't like that.
I think you're being reverse racist.
Based on what?
Explain why.
LeBron James is 6'8".
So?
LBJ was 6'5". Hey, I don't know if that's true, and you don't know if that's true either. James is 6'8". So? LBJ was 6'5".
Hey, I don't know if that's true, and you don't know if that's true either.
Was he 6'5"?
Sounds good.
That sounds damn good.
I think 45 is like 6'4".
Wasn't he?
I don't know if we can say his name.
Yes, you can say his name.
Well, how tall?
I mean, we've all...
I'm just saying.
45.
There's an account of it.
Ron Jeremy is like 5'8", dude.
I thought you were talking about his penis length.
I was like, that's pretty good.
Oh.
6'4"?
Trump's a big guy.
I would be surprised.
He said it's very big.
He used to piss on a Secret Service agent.
I'd like to know.
It's an asserting dominance right there.
Yeah.
Isn't there a story about Trump peeing on his own balls?
Oh, it was the Russian hookers.
Oh, yeah.
That was misinformation.
Which also is exerting dominance.
Wait.
Praying specifically to agents like...
Wait, hold on.
Keep going.
There is a U.S. president ranked by wiener size.
Oh, send it to TJ.
I want to see this.
You just searched that.
Howard, I bet you that guy.
Truman Waller wrote it.
Taft.
He's that fat ass, right?
That's stuck in the tub.
Yeah.
He's probably a small dick.
What the fuck?
Probably hard for him to.
Fat guys also have a disadvantage.
Yeah, this isn't.
Yeah, because the belly just kind of.
Yeah.
It has to be tough to be like, say you were like a NBA size tall basketball player and
you had a perfectly normal average dick,
but it looked small because you're so big.
You know what I mean?
That's got to be tough.
It does suck.
What if Shaq had a really tiny dick?
Just a regular old.
But you look small.
The Depot does.
Do?
I don't know.
I mean, Iman Shumpert.
He doesn't?
Definitely does.
I think he's.
Yeah, he called his butt his bunghole.
This is him talking to his tailor.
See if you can leave me an inch from where the zipper ends back to my bunghole.
I don't understand what that means at all.
I don't either.
It's big Texas talk.
This guy gave William Harrison last because he's the shortest.
Oh, that's mean.
But probably true.
He also died too fast, so he was kind of a bitch.
He coined the phrase, get the ball rolling.
That was his presidential campaign.
I think there was a large orb that he would take across states.
He used to take all kind of crazy shit across states to campaign.
They would take large orbs.
Get the ball rolling?
It's him.
Huh.
Something I didn't know.
Did the ball get bigger as they went along, or was it the same size orb the whole time?
I think it's smaller from erosion.
Did it ever roll?
I think it was solely wet.
Oh, JFK had the...
See, I don't believe that.
I don't believe it either.
It's Irish.
Yeah, no offense, but I...
No, Irish guys don't have big cocks.
What type of lib-ass site is this?
This is fucking sus as hell, dude.
What the fuck are they talking about?
What are we basing Rutherford...
What's that bullshit for?
The notes are Barack Obama.
There was a reason everyone loved him.
Eight plus inches.
Boo!
What is this?
Who made this up?
This isn't factual.
Nick Eaton.
This is a website.
George Dubb.
What does it say?
His tower never fell
I feel like the two Bushes
I have great eyes to each other
What's up brother?
Oh Uncrustables
Add it in
Will Burge is here
Yeah
Yeah
Now these you have to try
I've tried everything This is a different ball game Mom messes up the cool. Uncle's got to show up. Yeah. Now, these you have to try.
I've tried everything.
No, but these you have to. This is a different ball game.
It's different.
Flip back into the toothpick game?
Yeah, I'm toothpick game.
You're going to get hooked on these.
That one.
You'll be hooked.
I like grape.
Do you have to warm them up at all?
Nope.
No, you want them cold.
You want them cold, yeah.
As long as they're not frozen.
You do.
If they're not frozen, you're good to go.
They're frozen.
If they're frozen, you have to sit on them like a mama bird.
You'll have to incubate them.
You pop them in the microwave for like 15 seconds.
If you sit on them, it really works.
You have to sit on them like a mama bird.
What's your rag, KB?
Guards.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, I got gear, too.
Game got canceled.
Yeah, what's up with that?
I don't know.
It sucks.
Is that good for the boys?
It's frozen.
Are you going to eat that frozen?
It's very frozen.
It's bad frozen.
What are you doing?
Are you staying here for tomorrow now, Will?
No, I got to go back.
I emcee a charity event tomorrow night.
Oh, cool.
Way to make it.
I'll be on a plane.
KMS Charity.
Come on, emcee a charity event.
I'm a good guy.
Damn.
Charity. KMS Charity. What's the charity event. I'm a good guy. Damn. Charity.
Cam is charity.
What's the charity for?
Did you guys get that donation I sent with you?
No.
I did get the DM where you told me you were going to burn my house down, though.
Oh.
Did that, Brandon?
It was the first communication I ever had with anybody at HQ, actually.
Really?
Why'd you do that, Brandon? I asked him if I could sit at his desk.
He said if I touch it, he's going to burn my house down.
You did that?
Don't you sit at my fucking desk.
It's for kids with cystic fibrosis.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, that's nice.
Still a thing?
You want me to figure that one out?
Honestly, no.
Honestly, they have been making advances.
I know.
I know.
They've been doing incredible.
Will, what are your thoughts on the Browns quarterback situation?
Oh, thanks.
Jacoby Brissett's doing awesome. Yeah. Rhyme with Jacoby, baby. He's your guy? Well, for now, thanks. Jacoby Brissett's doing awesome.
Yeah.
Rhyme with Jacoby, baby.
He's your guy?
Well, for now, yeah.
And who's going to be your guy after him?
You know, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
He's back in the building, though.
The diehards and the dog pound.
What is the consensus on Watson?
They just want to make –
They had a mannequin with a towel over his head.
Yeah.
First game in the Muni lives.
Yeah.
So there's a lot of Deshaun Watson jerseys.
I just saw one that said happy endings with a number four on it.
Oh, man.
Yeah, there are some people leaning into it.
Yeah.
And he's – it's crazy because the Browns,
I feel like the Browns and the Lions are the two teams that, like,
if they ever got to a Super Bowl, everyone would root for them.
The Bengals last year.
Bengals.
But now with Des with the Sean factor.
They lost all their goodwill.
I don't think they'd get America's team.
America wouldn't root for the Browns in the Super Bowl.
No, never.
It was like 16 when the Indians then faced the Cubs.
Everybody's like, oh, we're just happy for both of them.
That's not how it would be.
But I think that in three years, people will care way less.
It'll always be, though.
But unless he keeps doing it.
Oh, yeah.
I don't think he can stop.
I don't think he can stop.
They normally magically fix that, right?
Yeah, right.
It's fine.
There are guys that went through that that came back,
and a couple years later, it didn't matter.
Roethlisberger, it never mattered.
Kobe, it never mattered. Ray Lewis probably killed a guy and it didn't matter. Roethlisberger, it never mattered. Kobe, it never mattered.
Ray Lewis probably killed a guy and it didn't matter.
Yeah, I guess that is true.
Adrian Peterson.
All the years, though.
It's all move on.
Yeah.
I mean, it's been – this social media makes it a whole different ballgame.
Yeah, true.
There will always be someone with an ax to grind,
but I think that in general they'll forget about it within –
or not forget about it, but within three years it will – like if he's winning a Super Bowl, yeah, they probably will.
Well, it makes it very tough right now because it's just all hypothetical,
and the only thing you have is these shitty stories.
Right.
But when he gets on the field and he throws a touchdown, I mean.
You're going to have to cheer.
Cheering for the, what is it, separate the artist and the art?
Yeah, there it is.
The whole thing, yeah.
That's what Brandon does with Bill Cosby's series.
Yeah, he's a huge Bill Cosby fan.
Actually, Brandon said,
I wish Bill Cosby could start Mississippi State quarterback.
It's not what I said.
I did say.
He played at Temple, though.
You know he played ball at Temple.
He ran track at Temple.
Played football.
Yeah, but the show was good.
I separate the art from the artist.
They won't do that with Jell-O Pudding Pops,
so they won't bring him back just because of him.
That's true?
I can't go to the store and buy Jell-O Pudding Pops right now?
No, they're discontinued.
They were going to bring them back until that whole
you know...
What's the worst thing that
an athlete has done and gotten past?
You want to sit, Will?
It's got to be really good.
That was like...
Although Mike Tyson actually got convicted for rape. He went to be Will Lewis. That was like... Although Mike Tyson actually got
convicted for rape. He went to prison.
Did time in prison and then came back and is now beloved.
That is true. That's true. That's a good
point. Is he
dying? Is he sick?
He recently said he's on his way out.
The rape accusations,
what year was that? TJ, what? Early 90s?
91. We were just talking yesterday.
Every single 80s movie has rape jokes in it.
So it's also a little different time there, too.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, there's some 90s and 2000s movies that have rapes.
Oh, we didn't mind getting raped back then, either.
Right.
Now people are so touchy.
Do the line.
Who the hell raped your sister?
Charlamagne.
Charlamagne the God.
She bought healthy bread, healthy everything, but you did manage to find just regular ass
That interview is so bad.
Oh, God.
Are you eating that frozen Uncrustable right now?
Oh, it's good.
I sat on mine.
I sat on mine, too, but it was...
Not ready.
It gave me sciatic pain.
Like a mama bird?
Yeah, mama.
Hatching it over there?
It does work, though, especially if you put
them under your couch cushions or something like that.
It's got a crunch to it, frozen. I kind of like it.
It's our, yeah.
Wait, what does it say about Mike Tyson? He's dying?
Yeah, but it just says he thinks he believes in it.
He recently said that he thinks his expiration date's coming up.
Well, is he sick or is he just predicting?
He's also walking with a cane recently.
We've got to get him on 10x help.
I was just going to say, you know what this means? Next week he's going to announce he's doing 10x.
He's got 20 more years.
I forgot about that 10x health.
Yeah.
I gave him a prognosis of 10 years to live.
10.4.
And it worked?
Mm-hmm.
This is pretty fucking good.
Yeah, I mean, Uncrustables are great.
Brandon, what do you think of them?
Too frozen?
When I work concessions, we used to sell those for like $7.50 a pop.
What?
Like desperate parents.
Yeah.
Where's your concessions?
Wells Fargo Center.
Oh, yeah.
Philly Convention Center.
People would pay it, too.
It's a real piece of shit move.
Oh, yeah.
Real piece of shit move.
That's a hilarious.
It was deep fried at county fairs. Yeah. Fucking fantastic. It's a real piece of shit move. Oh, yeah. Real piece of shit move. That's a hilarious. I've seen those deep fried at county fairs.
Yeah.
Fucking fantastic.
It's a real piece of shit move.
It's the best.
Real piece of shit move, Kate.
I went to a festival in Ohio where they were deep frying rolls with tape.
Wait a minute.
Do you know what my birthday?
My neck was too fat there.
Oh, my God.
Whoa.
What a yak stat.
Yeah, maybe don't eat that on Christmas.
My neck was too fat. You go to my birthday and then add up? Or how do we What a yak stat. Maybe don't eat that on Christmas. My name looks too fat.
You go to my birthday and then add up, or how do we get the yak stat?
Okay.
Analytics.
I don't know that I've lived 15,523 days.
You have.
That's a lot of days, Brandon.
And what do you have to show?
38 years old.
Okay.
I've only lived like 600.
600.
He's less than two.
Roback.
I'm wearing the joggers right now.
Promo code yak.
Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase through the end of this week.
Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, everything.
Roback.com. promo code YAK.
20% off your first purchase.
Will, do you live in the city of Cleveland?
I do now.
I actually live in the suburbs.
I just moved to Tremont.
Okay.
I like Cleveland a lot.
It's fun.
It's a good town, especially when you know Dante and you don't pay for anything.
You're wrong.
That's true.
That is true.
Good guy to have.
The account was wrong?
Yeah. I've been alive 15, guy to have. The account was wrong? Yeah.
I've been alive 15,889 days.
What did they say?
15, 220.
Oh, God damn.
I want to go to that Twinsburg Festival out there.
The Twins one?
Yeah.
It's creepy.
See all the twins.
Wait, what?
Oh, my God.
They have this festival of twins that every twin in the world goes to.
Can I see a picture of this?
And then the twins marry.
They have twin dating nights, like speed dating, where twins meet other sets of twins.
And then they get married, and then they have babies at the same time that look identical,
even though it's from different parents, because it's identical twins marrying identical twins.
It's like a whole thing.
But it's right outside of England.
That's where my fiance is from down in that area.
I won't go near that thing.
That's creepy.
Holy shit. I don't like that that thing. That's creepy. Holy shit.
I don't like that.
Why do you want to go?
I would love to go.
But you don't have a twin.
I know, I know, but.
Are you allowed to go if you're not a twin?
I don't know if you're considered a lurker,
but there's so many kid twins that parents bring
that I feel like I could bring.
Well, there has to be people there to document the twins.
This is so weird.
They have like theme nights nights and parades.
Wait, it's like a week-long thing?
Oh, it's huge.
When I tell you, thousands and thousands of twins come to this thing.
It's crazy.
And then you'll just go eat at an Applebee's or something.
There'll just be a bunch of twins sitting around.
What?
TJ, look up identical twins marry identical twins.
This one particular, I follow them on Instagram.
Are triplets?
They live together. All four of them. Outcasts in the twin them on Instagram. Are triplets? They live together.
All four of them. Outcasts in the twin community?
Yeah, no triplets allowed, no quads.
Can they just get rid of one of them?
Yeah, you gotta stay home this week.
Quads make sense, but triplets.
Even numbers only. I don't know, that's a good question.
And all four of them, I follow them on Instagram,
they all live together in one house.
Oh, they talk a lot. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. It's kind of gross.
Yes.
Yeah, the dudes wearing the same fit hate that.
They match everywhere they go all the time, 24-7.
They live together.
Are they profiting off of it?
Yes.
There you go.
Also, I would like to run a spinnerbait down the bank of that lake.
Their babies are cousins and brothers.
No, how are they brothers?
Like unsettling.
Biologically.
Their DNA is so identical.
They both share half mom and half dad.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
That's fucked up, man.
It's freaking me out.
That's too...
Yeah.
But maybe twin life is the only life that they've ever known.
And it's their community or their tribe.
But they're 37.
Surely before they met the twin
wives, did they have other twins?
I bet they only did... One on the right's hotter.
Yeah, what if they were arguing, being
like, I'm not fucking him.
Are you talking about the girl or the guy?
And guy.
I think the right guy's hotter.
I think right guy and girl are hotter.
Sharing an
IG with your significant other sucks, but that sucks way worse.
Yeah.
Oh, of course they're on TV.
Oh, no.
It's a small TV.
The TV's just in the wrong spot.
Hide the wire.
Because you could open that door and smash the TV.
Hide the wire.
Smash TV.
Boy.
Twinsane Morning.
Twinsane Morning.
I've been following them for
a while now and it's not
a hate follow, God bless them,
but it's one of those follows that I
guess I hate.
They wear the same shit.
I know it's an over asked question, but if they're living in the same house
what if they do accidentally mix the kids up?
What if they wife swap on accident?
Wife swap's fine,
but I would not want to. I don't think twins have identical vaginas.
Are you sure?
I just said it.
That was an old claim.
It would suck to have a twin sister and shoes perfect.
Their outfits suck.
I know.
Why do they all...
The kids must be so fucked up.
No, dude.
I think this is sick.
Yeah.
Because they're pooling their money.
They have a double nice house,
and they can just chill with their bros and sissies at all times.
They probably...
You think they're off the camera?
They're like...
Oh, Garden of the Left is not in very good shape.
The odds are that one of those guys hates his life.
Yeah.
For sure.
One of them is...
One of them is going to snap one of them.
There's got to be easier ways to make $80,000 a year.
Dude.
There we go.
Hey, what?
That's different guys.
Yeah, that's not right.
One of the four is depressed, but you'll never guess who.
What are the chances one of these guys is listening to this show right now?
Zero.
So both would.
Yeah, they would be sitting next to each other watching.
Yeah, right.
You think that they have to eat the same stuff and work out the same so they can maintain the same physique and stuff? I don't think the women, right there, the women looked a little different.
I think the women look more like than the men.
You believe in magic?
No, but we believe in witchcraft, whatever the fuck this is.
It'd be awesome if one of them went through a midlife crisis and wanted to be a juggalo.
Yeah.
Or the other one had to wear ICP shirts.
Yeah, he had to find it.
That'd be sick.
Pete has a twin.
Does he?
Does he?
I'm pretty sure.
No, there is not a second Pete.
There's a second Pete?
Oh, that is true.
I don't think identical.
Oh.
Anyone else here have a twin?
We thought for a while Nate had a twin, but he doesn't.
It would have been funny.
He does have a brother, though.
Two brothers?
Yeah, but a twin would have been just very funny.
I don't think anyone else has a twin.
No.
YP had an Irish twin.
Imagine if Rico had a twin.
I'm an Irish twin
Yeah?
What is that?
Born within the same calendar year
Yeah
So my sister's like 360 days younger than me or something like that
Oh that is weird
Imagine if Rico had a twin and it was just like the most relaxed
Yeah
Smoking weed all the time
Just listen to my advice
Yeah
How was he on Pick Central? Agitated? Smoking weed all the time. Just listen to my advice. Yeah.
How was he on Pick Central?
Agitated?
Oh, he was.
It was.
I've made Pick Central a safe space for Rico every day.
Oh, nice.
I've told him, leave whatever's out there.
Leave whatever.
And be here with us.
Yes.
And he did it today.
The Dews blog was very fun.
Although Billy came in here for a second and called him a pussy.
A bunch of times.
But Rico took it pretty good. A bunch of times and called him a pussy. A bunch of times. But Rico took it pretty good.
A bunch of times he called him a pussy?
Or what?
Billy came in here and announced that every time he walks past Rico,
he whispers the word pussy and Rico doesn't do anything.
That's fucking funny.
That's what Billy said on Pick Central.
He said, every time I'm called by Rico, I whisper pussy and he never reacts.
That's just good old school bullying.
Yeah, that's very funny.
That's crazy. That's just good old school bullying. Yeah, that's very funny. That's crazy.
That's funny.
Oh, shit.
That's got to be tough to keep up.
Does your office have any feuds?
No.
It's like two interns and me.
You got an office?
Yeah.
What?
You got a Cleveland HQ.
We hooked up with a recording studio that actually where the Browns record it.
It's like Kareem Hunt drops his awesome songs there.
Nice.
Yeah, and they like Greg Newsom's brother raps their entrance,
so they gave us an office next to it, and that's where we record our pod and all that.
Is it by the facility, the Browns?
No, the facility's like a little south of Cleveland, but it's right by the stadium. We're right by Cleveland State, so it's right downtown.
What's the...
What's those apartments on the
lake? Those are nice.
Uh, fuck.
It's right by the stadium, like
wherever it would be.
I don't know. The condo's right...
I know you're talking about the industrial-looking-ass ones.
I'm talking about down the flats by Dante's.
Flats! The flats.
The flats.
The flats.
I love the flats. I's. Flats. The flats. Yeah, the east bank of the flats. The flats. The flats. The flats. The flats.
The flats.
The flats.
I love the flats.
I was in Cleveland, I think, for the Jake Paul fight, and I had a full day off, and
I just basically walked the entire city.
Nice city.
Sass, you're going to love Cleveland.
Are you going?
Eventually.
Oh, yeah.
Eventually.
When are you going?
I don't have any plans to go.
When you go, you're going to love it.
It's going to be awesome.
Wait, so you're not going to Cleveland? So you hate Cleveland? I'm sure I'll go at some point. What's your problem with Cleveland? I don't have any plans to go. When you go, you're going to love it. It's going to be awesome. Wait, so you're not going to Cleveland?
So you hate Cleveland?
I'm sure I'll go at some point.
What's your problem with Cleveland?
I don't have one.
Where are you going this weekend?
What the fuck?
Austin.
Austin, Texas?
Cleveland, Texas.
Haven't you been recently?
I was there last April.
What are you doing now?
Are you bringing anyone to get poached?
Yeah, I'm working on some stuff.
I'm bringing Tyler.
I'm going to introduce him to Rogan.
Nice. Yeah. That'll be sick.
That's going to be fucking sick. Wait,
where's Skankfest? Vegas.
Vegas. Are you going to that?
No. You weren't invited?
I was not invited. You're not a skank?
I don't know. Owen's already in Vegas?
Yeah, he's at Skankfest.
Is that what he's doing?
That's what he's doing?
What the fuck, really?
You sound very jealous of that fact.
Well, yeah, I mean, there's something happening that we're all big fans of, but I didn't know
he was going.
What is Skank Fest?
It's Louis J. Gomez hosted.
It's like a, just like a massive comedy festival.
It's like a festival.
It's like crazy.
It's more than comedy.
I don't know.
It's like a wild festival.
Legion of Skanks is their show, and it's him, Big J. Oakerson, and Dave Smith.
Yeah.
And they host this festival that all these comics, Shane, all these dudes go to.
And they're like a little dirty.
Keep the sponsor.
A little edgy.
Kratom.
Yeah.
There was many podcasts that were on Kratom Way before me
We never
Skankfest has never said
You were meant to be
No one said anything about
Everyone acts like
I'm the only Kratom guy
In the world
I mean you are a Kratom guy
You're the only one here
That's a lot of comics
A ton of comics
Yeah that's a lot of people
What's Kill Tony
Because I saw a clip from that
That's a good show
This guy's entire bit
He just looked really funny And he didn't say a word And everyone just cracked up The whole time That's a good show. This guy's entire bit, he just looked really funny
and he didn't say a word
and everyone just cracked up
the whole time.
That's it?
Yeah.
Can we watch it?
Kill Tony rules.
It's like,
they pull names out of a hat
and they each get like a minute
to do a stand-up set.
And most of them aren't comics.
They'll show up
and it'll be their first time
ever doing comedy.
I want to see this guy.
I want to see how funny he looks.
He looks crazy.
He looks like a fucked up
Kaepernick a little bit.
Sass, do you mess
with Hinchcliffe?
He doesn't have headphones on.
Sass, do you mess with Hinchcliffe?
Hinchcliffe. Yeah, yeah, I think he's
funny. I think Kill Tony's a good show.
Who's next up out of Cleveland,
Will? What's that? Who's next up out of
Cleveland?
I don't know my co-host. Brian Kenney's really funny.
He's up at Hilarity's all the time.
He can be any star.
Wait, Brian Kenney?
He's a stand-up comic.
Oh, not the boxing announcer.
No, different Brian Kenney.
Way better Brian Kenney.
I had a Brian Kenney.
I went to high school.
All right, that Brian Kenney's pretty good.
He's very good.
This one's better, I'm telling you.
Sounds like you don't think he's very good.
I was going to throw dirt on Brian Kenney.
I think he's all right.
You don't like Brian Kenney?
I don't like Brian Kenney. Wow.
I'm here to announce my beef. Wow.
Any rappers coming up?
Yeah, Lil Koos. That's
Greg Newsome's brother.
Gavin's? Lil Koos Koos. The rapper's so
nice they named him. I don't think you believe it.
Northwestern cornerback. Oh, I have a question
for you, Will.
Do you hate LeBron? No, I don't hate
LeBron. No. I don't hate LeBron. Yeah. No.
I don't root for him actively in L.A. either,
but I don't hate him.
He brought us a championship.
Do you think it's going to be annoying
when he comes back with Bronny Jr.
and you guys lose?
He's going to try to blow up
what the Cavs have building right now,
which is good.
Yeah, it's really good.
And he's going to come
and he's going to fuck that whole thing up.
Probably, yeah.
Yeah.
Probably, yeah.
Then it'll piss me off.
What's Bronny's route going to be?
I don't...
His dad is LeBron James.
What is he...
How does that work?
He's going to go to college.
Like, college?
He's not a pro, but he will be a pro.
Right.
I get that.
He's probably going to go to a year of college.
He could be a pro.
He's going to do college?
He could be a pro.
He's a fringe bro, yeah.
He just got signed to Nike.
Yeah, crazy. An IL deal. So he's already going to make the money He's a fringe bro, yeah. He just got signed to Nike. Yeah, crazy.
So he's already going to make the money.
Nike just saw him and was like, who's this guy?
I think Bryce is going to die.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Does that NIL deal mean he can't go to an Adidas school if he were to go to college?
Oh, good question.
He probably wouldn't even consider an Adidas school.
It would be funny.
Like, if I were, like, LeBon james i know this is a crazy thing
to say but like i always thought it'd be awesome if one of these guys these top recruits just were
like i'm gonna go to akron and just dominate the mac dude there's an article sick with that awesome
yeah there's an article in the 05 uh remember page 2 on espn yeah it was called what if nobody
went pro and that year it was like lebronron James would have been at Akron because he had recruiting violations.
Right.
Joe Kim Noah at Florida going from back to back to back.
And what's his face would have gone to Duke, Eddie Curry.
It would have been like an awesome, awesome.
And it was sweet.
I've always had to.
Google that article.
I'll look it up during March Madness.
Maybe my best dumb rule that I've ever come up with is I think that every school basketball and football should
get one alumni
a year on their team.
So like when Tom Brady wants to be done
with the Bucs, he's like, I'm going to go win a national title with Michigan.
I like that. And like Tebow
playing in Florida right now. He only gets one
season? No, you get as many seasons as you want.
You only get one guy.
So like if Tebow's on, Tebow could play a decade on the –
All right.
So, yeah, if Florida had – no, no, no.
Florida's not a good example.
But if Michigan had Brady and then a great Michigan player of the last 10 years
retires, he pushes Brady out.
If Brady – yeah, I mean, Brady would probably get the say in that.
But, yeah.
If Brady's, like, 52 and then all of a sudden –
Yeah, like, the legends would probably not happen as much,
but there's a bunch of guys who can't go pro
or don't hang on in basketball or football.
It's like, why not?
Vince Young was at Texas.
Yeah, like Vince Young flamed out.
Why not Robert Griffin playing at Baylor?
I bet you he'd want to play.
Maybe pay him like $10 million.
John Morant kind of did what you were talking about earlier
by going to Murray State.
That's true.
He just went and dominated at a school.
He was a late bloomer, though, right?
Sean Watson just went right back to Clemson.
Yeah.
To pay the shit out of him, too.
Yeah.
He should have just been fucking.
Yeah.
He's an idiot.
What's the camaraderie in the locker room with Watson?
From what I hear, good. They all like him. I mean, what are you going to do, right? They bring in this guy. He's a top. What's the camaraderie in the locker room with Watson? From what I hear, good.
They all like him.
I mean, what are you going to do, right?
They bring in this guy.
He's a top-ten quarterback.
You're just going to go, we're just going to pretend like that.
Yeah, you're not going to hold him accountable or anything.
Yeah.
I wouldn't.
No, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
What are you going to do?
I mean, if anybody's been there for any length of time,
they're just like, just make this madness stop.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Should we spin the wheel?
Yeah.
We have an unboxing.
I've never spun the wheel before.
What did you say?
We have an unboxing.
Time for another unboxing.
Time for another unboxing.
Time for another unboxing.
Oh, look at this.
Wow.
Let's see what's in the box.
Let's see what's in the box. Let's see what's in the box.
Let's see what's in the box.
I've run another unboxing.
Let's see what's in the box.
Frank's going to DMCIS for that.
Yeah.
He's all thirsty, too.
That's so fucked up that we...
What could this be?
YouTube.
It's probably a record. It's probably a record.
It's probably a fucking hot plate.
Let's see what it could be.
It's the Mean Girl button.
I actually don't know.
It might not be ours
because it's been sitting here for like...
That would be such a letdown.
At least a month
and just nobody gave it to us.
Oh.
Who is it? What makes you think it is ours?
I guess.
I think it's for the case race.
I said it's been sitting around somewhere.
No, it's going to be subscribed.
Oh!
Yak.
Oh!
Boys.
Oh, yeah.
Punch through it, KB.
Punch through it.
How many floors could we drop that off of
without it breaking?
Oh!
Sounds heavy.
Let's break that thing.
Hell no.
I'll take it if you guys don't want it.
Let's do a day with it like the Stanley Cup.
Oh, yeah.
Actually, can I end up like wanton dons?
Can I just carry it around?
Can we put it on the wheel that if we hit it, Brandon has to lick an entire jar of peanut
butter off of it?
Dry?
Yeah. No. Why? Put it on the wheel. I like that it, Brandon has to lick an entire jar of peanut butter off of it? Dry. No. Why?
Put it on the wheel.
Why?
Put it on the wheel.
I would like to watch you lick peanut butter.
Lick a little peanut butter off it.
Just right now.
Yeah.
Which kind? Chunky? Goober?
I just set my phone directly in peanut butter.
I don't have to do it.
Ani's button looked like it went through a fire.
Have you ever seen it hanging on the wall?
It's just like
covered in burns and
it's destroyed.
How many of those Hype House kids
are just doing coke off those things?
I think they all do.
Especially off of 100,000. This shit is not impressive. coke off those things. I think they all do that stuff. Especially off of 100,000.
This shit is not impressive.
They give those away.
I like them.
I'll go out there and say it.
That's our next goal.
If we weren't destroying a million.
My goal is to get one for wrestling while not even doing the show.
I would like for people to subscribe to it.
That would be awesome.
They can get there one day and I have a plaque for a show that they won't even fucking sell
or give it to me.
Yes, hi.
Let me put the peanut butter on.
I'm almost there.
Should I go right on the button?
In Ronar.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot you were up
at the same place
for about three months.
No, not right off the button.
Yeah.
I can't lick all that.
Zoom in on him
and lick it.
Hold on.
You need to put it on the edge
or you won't be able to see.
Oh, and don't leave it dirty.
It's in the crevices so so you got to really clean it.
Clean that shit up, Brandon.
Okay.
Brandon, clean that shit up.
Here we go.
All right, here we go.
Lick it.
And, Stephen, critique this.
Critique his technique.
I don't know.
Needs to get his bottom lip more involved.
He's like getting into it.
He says, bottom lip more involved.
He says, use your bottom lip more.. He's like getting into it. He says, bottom lip more involved. He says, use your bottom lip more.
Steven, is that what you do?
You utilize the bottom lip?
Buddy.
I have a problem for me.
A bilabial munch.
I'm the only one in the world that can see this, so it's very depressing.
But there's a mirror on that where I'm looking.
So I'm looking my own face.
What she sees.
Good practice.
You're lucky you don't hear what Stephen's saying to you right now, Brandon.
Make the alphabet with your tongue.
Lay it flush.
What were you saying about the bottom lip?
This guy's painting a fence right now.
Oh, Jesus.
Lay it flatter, Brandon.
That ain't going to fly on Italian dinner night.
Oh.
Come on, buddy.
You said you're painting fences.
Practice hard so the game's easy.
Oh, yeah.
Swing with a donut on.
I can't even look.
Why the hell are you eating it like that?
Why are you sucking it off with your lips, dude?
Let me get the mic on it.
Kate can't even look at it.
No, I can't watch this.
It's upsetting.
Why aren't you licking it?
Why are you sucking it off, dude?
Why are you sucking that peanut butter off?
Huh?
Get a claim.
No, dude.
Take a big lick of it first, and then...
Oh.
Dave, what are you seeing, Dave?
No, no, no.
Finish it, Brandon.
Someone else has to clean that.
No.
Finish that.
Come on.
Get that chunk.
Lay down on the ground and get the chunk.
Lay down on the ground and get the chunk.
Get your feet up.
Here, hold on.
Let me do it.
Watch.
Sass.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy. Che. Actually, Che. Let's see. feet up here hold on let me do it sass oh no oh boy
che actually che let's see steven steven even look at these boys
i was about to pull him off like someone was getting murdered.
Jay, you're craft.
That's kind of hot, actually.
Brandon.
You're a good farmer, Brandon.
How are you going to explain that to your boy?
That was fun.
We just dropped all the way down to 90K subscribers.
That's exactly how I expected the 100 100k plaque going
you had to clean
that plaque though
or no
hanging on the wall
with the
I don't know
100%
next to all the rest
of the
actually successful plaques
oh fuck
alright should we
spin the wheel
yeah
I think we were
bound to hit something
oh it just reset though
it did just reset. Still.
Oh, it's in a sea of dry.
Also, the boogers got cleaned off the wall.
So we go back to shiny vault.
We'll reassess it after we go to lunch.
So excited.
You had me so excited.
Yeah, my schedule gets clearer after.
It's this week and next week, and then I'll be lunch ready.
Hell yes.
Nate got angry at us.
Oh, Nate removed himself from the conversation.
You put him back in.
Yeah, I put him back in.
Did he re-remove?
Nate's getting a free lunch.
He said that he's like, clearly I'm the reason why we're not doing this.
I'm like, Nate, my schedule is fucking insane.
I can't.
It's hard to do like a three-hour lunch one day.
But we will do it.
Yeah.
We've been on it.
Make him pay for it.
Should.
All right.
Will?
Anything else?
The promo.
We're still going to sightseeing later, right?
Get those tickets for the double-decker bus.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, no, go subscribe to the Pound Town podcast in Cleveland.
It's good stuff.
That's what you call it?
Yeah, Pound Town, baby.
Pound Town.
And follow me at Will Burge.
You're Deshaun Watson?
Yep.
That wouldn't be the Pound Town, would it?
It'd be like a rub route or something like that.
The stroke zone.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah, follow Will Burge.
Thank you, White Sox Dave, as well.
I'm out tomorrow.
Some people are here, right?
Yeah, I'll be here.
All right, good.
Good.
All right, everyone tune in tonight.
Bears Commanders going to be live streaming.
Should be electric.
Should be quite a game.
Oh, the hairs.
The hairs. Electric should be quite a game. Oba Hares. Oba Hares. It's the act It's the act It's the act