The Yak - Brandon's Back After His Unusual Chicago House Hunt | The Yak 4-3-23
Episode Date: April 3, 2023Harris Teeter SLAPSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up.
You look jacked as fuck.
I think we're having a show right now. I'm seeing the ball differently.
I don't think you don't look jacked to me, bro.
That's the yak.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, we're on a show if you guys want to join.
Hey, B, you look like a contractor in Afghanistan.
You know those contractors that are ripped?
I had it like this.
And then with the sunglasses on.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
The drone striking.
Oh, damn.
We'll get a camera on you eventually.
He's over there somewhere. We're get a camera on you eventually. He's over there somewhere.
We're almost there.
There he is.
He's going under the radar.
What a cool guy.
Yeah, that's a cool guy.
He's like an actor trying to blend in.
Yeah.
All right.
I would, if I passed you on the street right now,
I would double take thinking, oh, who's that?
Yeah, I thought that was a look.
Completely, yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, you look like DiCaprio in 98 trying to be incognito.
Yeah.
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She young?
Yeah, this is a 19-year-old Italian bitch.
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If you have the logo, we'll give you a little nod because we know that you know.
We'll give you a little Eskimo kiss.
Yep.
Just a little nuzzle.
We get it.
Do a butterfly kiss.
Are you a butterfly over Eskimo?
I like Eskimo.
Are you allowed to say that?
Inuit kiss.
Inuit kiss.
Eskimo is prejudiced?
Yeah. Damn.imo's prejudice?
Yeah.
Damn.
Even the kisses?
What about the pie?
They still call it Eskimo pie?
What the hell's an Eskimo pie?
Oh, custard and coconut?
Eskimo pie, yeah. It's a treat.
I don't think so.
You've heard of an Eskimo pie.
Band I like, Eskimo Callboy, had to change their name to Electric Callboy.
That's much worse.
That's better.
I like Electric Callboy.
What about Siamese?
Is that still permitted?
I think Siamese is fine.
I mean, there are cats.
I can join now.
Join cats?
Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't know if it's still permissible.
All the double hoses outside on the street
say Siamese hose or something.
Right.
Siamese hose outside?
There's Siamese hose all over this town Siamese hoes outside? There's Siamese hoes all over this town.
Not that much.
See you later.
I wouldn't mind if you guys did provide a list
of what I couldn't say from now on.
Because I did have the one yak
where I said something I shouldn't have said.
Oriental. You can't say that.
That's not what I said.
No, you can because there's Oriental Trading Magazine. That's where I buy my gadgets.'t have said. Oriental. You can't say that. That's not what I said. No, you can because there's Oriental Trading
Magazine. That's where I buy my gadgets.
Yeah, to describe a person.
So rugs is fine. People are bad.
It's a hair piece.
Oriental?
A rug. Oh, yes.
I said Chinaman once.
You did? Christ.
Oh, yeah. That was maybe worse.
Yeah, it was. It was, apparently.
I didn't know you couldn't say that.
It's pretty simple.
It's like you shouldn't say...
Anything?
Oriental, Chinaman, awful.
Yeah, those are the big three.
That'll get you in deep shit.
Yeah.
I wonder where you were going with that.
You landed the plane.
It took me a second.
That was a slow burn.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm good. That was a very burn. Okay. Yeah, I'm good.
That was a very aggressive cough.
What's the KD this weekend?
Didn't really play.
Whoa.
Yeah, they destroyed the game.
How?
They did like an April Fool's prank.
Just destroyed the game.
Well, isn't it over now?
No.
It's like a three-day prank.
Whoever runs the,
the people that run the game are really dumb.
What did they...
They destroyed the game?
They made it so it's like zero gravity,
so everyone's like flying around the map,
and then they disabled every other game mode
so you can only play that.
Oh, that's self-sabotage.
Yeah, they self-sabotaged the game.
That seems like a crazy fucking prank.
Yeah.
To just ruin your game for everybody.
I don't know what they're doing.
Who's in charge?
I don't know who runs it.
I don't think it's like Infinity Ward, maybe.
Maybe a letter is in order?
Strongly worded.
Strongly worded.
Perhaps.
I went house hunting in Chicago.
How was that?
It was good. I was that? It was good.
I was there.
It's a really nice area, those suburbs.
It's not like the suburbs.
Oh, somebody's going to find it from that hint.
Nope.
It's not like the suburbs here where it's still very dense.
As soon as you get outside of Chicago, the north and the west is wide-ass open.
It's beautiful.
It's the most exciting time when you're in the discovery of looking at all the places.
Yeah.
After this will come responsibility and then regret.
But right now...
Yeah.
It's a matter of time, but yeah, you'll learn to hate it.
I'll buy a house with a grocery store that's not as good as the grocery store 20 miles away.
Yeah, you got to go to the Jewel Osco out there.
A lot of them.
A lot of Jewels.
A lot of Jewel Oscos.
Yeah.
Yeah, people really like that out there.
Yeah. Jewel Osco. It's like a grocery. A lot of Jules Osco's. Yeah, people really like that out there.
Yeah.
Jules Osco.
It's like a grocery store, right?
It is a grocery store. It's just a grocery store.
It's their main grocery store.
It's their main grocery store.
People are very like...
Kroger.
People really like their grocery stores.
They're all the exact same grocery store.
Yeah.
It all has the same exact food.
Yeah, everyone swears that they have the best grocery store.
Well...
You're definitely a big...
Are you a big Publix?
Did you have Publix in Mississippi?
Okay, so we had Kroger in Mississippi.
I've lived in a lot of places.
So Kroger in Mississippi, then I moved to Florida,
and then I discovered Publix.
Publix is great.
Are the subs crazy?
I don't get into the subs as much as other people get into them.
People swear by the Publix subs.
Wegmans in Jersey is pretty goddamn good, too.
Wegmans is pretty good.
Wegmans is pretty good. You know what else is good? Every single grocery store in the world. the public subs. Wegmans in Jersey is pretty goddamn good, too. Wegmans is pretty good.
You know what else is good? Every single grocery store in the world. Whatever you get at Wegmans,
I'll be getting that Respex and Wheeling, dude.
Stop and shop sucks.
Yes. Hack me, I used to go to
a little bar in the back. You could sit and get
beer. What? What the fuck?
I like the Harris Teeters. Those are my favorite.
Your Harris Teeters? They have the best bars.
They have the best beer selection.
Ingalls is not bad down in North Carolina.
Ingalls are pretty good.
They're a little bit-
All the same.
Not all the same.
They're not all the same.
I don't care.
I do all the grocery shops.
What's the difference?
The only ones that aren't the same-
Not all the same.
It's like Trader Joe's.
Yeah.
Because they don't have name brand stuff.
They only have like Trader Joe's shit and organic stuff.
And Aldi.
That parking lot is brutal.
Aldi, you got to put a quarter in to get a buggy.
Or cart.
Also, Giant Eagle in Western PD sucks.
You know what a quarter is?
Oh, Giant Eagle has the Eaglet's Nest, though.
That's where I played Echo the Dolphin on Dreamcast.
You put your tot in the Eaglet's Nest, you can play video games as your mom's job.
Oh, I love that.
Did that go on Dreamcast?
I think it was Echo or PlayStation, right?
It was Echo.
It was a Sega Genesis game.
I don't think, did they have it on Dreamcast?
I played an Echo game,
but I don't.
Maybe Sega CD.
Hmm.
Yeah, it's been a while
since I've been in the Eagles.
Giant Eagle's pretty, pretty bad.
Yeah.
Acme, pretty bad.
You could rent,
I rented Snowboard Kids 2
from Kroger.
All the time.
Snowboard Kids 2?
Yeah, the N64 game.
Is that a sequel
to Snowboard Kids?
No.
It would be dope to make a movie
that started on the second one.
I guess that's what Star Wars did.
The movie Troll 2, I think.
It's an awful movie.
It was about goblins at first, but I think the name
goblin was taken and so it was troll, so they just called it
Troll 2.
Go to the town of Nilbog, which is goblin
backwards. Oh, shit. Didn't Tyler the Creator
do some shit like that? Golf Wang?
Wolf Gang? Backwards?
Yeah, I guess he did.
Or not even a palindrome. What the hell is that?
Backwards. Oh, yeah.
That's a good point. Would that be a weird
move when you're shopping for a house to go by the
local grocery store and see if you like it? No.
I don't think so at all. Did you do that?
I didn't, but I should have.
Were you on a body of water?
The ones you were looking at?
Lake?
Those lake suburbs are awesome.
Yeah, the lake suburbs are good out there.
What is it?
Like a little lake and then all the houses?
I'm looking at a house on a lake.
Yes.
Are you talking about Lake Michigan?
Or like a smaller lake?
Smaller lakes out in the suburbs.
Solid. It's fucking awesome.
And if you don't move there, I'll be so upset.
Because I picture us all getting invited.
What's the price?
To float around.
It's more than I wanted it to be.
Yeah.
Is it the one you sent a picture of?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You liked it?
It's got a dual seahorse fountain in the front.
That's all I'll say.
Damn. Damn.
Okay.
I did see a fucking house that was out of my price range that had an indoor basketball court downstairs.
Or they said it has an indoor basketball court.
I'm like, I've got to check that out.
And it was a room that was about 9 by 11.
Half the size of this room just had high ceilings and a
basketball goal. That's worse than just any.
Correct. That's an unusable room.
That's a storage room. Didn't have room for a free throw.
It was only layups. You could only do layups
in there. Still cool that they had a basketball.
No, it's not cool.
You get to shoot around? I did.
You shoot around? Oh yeah, I took a lot of shots.
That's hilarious.
Then I had one house that was on a river, and there were ducks flying in, and I just
wanted to sit and watch the ducks all day.
That's my favorite animal by far.
I wanted to buy the duck house.
For real?
Yeah.
That was way too much money.
How much?
That one was $1.1 million.
Ah, damn.
But they showed it to me, and I was like, I wanted it.
I wanted it bad.
That ain't too much for you, Brandon.
That is too much.
Good things are coming your way, brother.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Every time advertisers see you as a black plague, that's always good.
And they don't want to be associated.
Black's a good thing.
And the plague probably helped.
But I think that good things are coming your way, brother.
Thank you.
Sometimes you need to bounce back, and glad tidings are soon going to be upon you, bro.
Why are you doing this?
I just think good things are coming your way. I appreciate that.
When are y'all going to go find your house?
Your apartment? I'm starting to panic.
To be honest. Why?
There's slim pickings out there.
We're in a slightly different range.
It's tough. Move into Brandon's
guest house. That's what I said. Can we just
camp out in your yard, like park an RV out there
or something? Bring my own tubes?
No, you can't.
Just live together. Just get a big
pool of your funds.
You do like my wife. Yeah, she's lovely.
It's like a big ass house.
Imagine how much more bang for your
buck you guys could get if you combined your
forces. Just double it up.
Yeah, like a compound.
A compound. We've never had a compound.
No. What makes a compound a compound? When does it stop being a house and become a compound. A compound. Never had a compound. What makes a compound a compound?
When does it stop being a house and become a compound?
When it's Siamese.
Multiple houses?
Multiple?
They're conjoined.
You also have to have a wall.
A wall must surround both properties.
Make it a compound?
Yeah, there's got to be a wall.
Is a gated community that rich people live in, is that a compound?
You're used to the word plantation, I think.
That's not a compound word at all.
Lawton lived in a compound.
Who did?
Lawton.
Yeah, he did.
He had like 20-foot walls.
Yeah.
A rich people community is not a compound.
I think a compound is one person's thing.
Or, I mean, maybe a bunch of people could live on it, but there's probably an overseer.
You are describing a plantation now.
In some ways.
I think it's also not as much like a home as it is like a facility.
Like, it's huge.
There's horses there and a small colt.
You know about the LSD factory in Kansas?
Underground bunker?
What?
Watch that. For real?
Where?
YouTube. Did you guys
see the Twitter thread? They held
a design competition of who
could make the worst design to turn up
the volume of a song.
What do you mean?
They got actual
user interface designers,
maybe user experience designers,
and TJ, I'll send you the link.
There was a competition who could make the worst, the most inconvenient way to turn up your volume.
It was the best thread on Twitter.
What were the submissions?
I just sent it to TJ if you guys want to check them out.
It's fucking amazing.
Is it one of the things where you have to be good to actually make
it bad? Yes. Probably.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Because you have to be really creative
to make volume control
inconvenient.
Yeah.
Or know what's good.
What's up, Brandon?
There's nothing playing.
You thought you were
missing something?
I'm thinking about
moving chairs.
Yeah, hop over.
These headphones
aren't working
or they're not on
and those headphones
are on
and I want the headphones.
Just slide over here.
Big Cat's delinquent ass isn't going to show up. Jay's not here either. headphones are on and i want the headphones slide over here big catch delinquent
ass isn't going to show up jay's not here either where are they i don't think tj's here either
where are they all oh shit i sent it to tj i think they're out in la booze is here hey booze it's
booze la right aren't they in la now your mic's off come over here oh you asked why i wasn't the final four
yeah because you're in trouble because i'm in trouble yeah when i said why are you not in la
you just thought that was like a normal question yeah because wrestlemania was in la last night
thought you were asking me why wasn't it wrestlemania that's also a relevant question
i watched day one of wrestlemania and it was fucking awesome it was fucking awesome it seemed
awesome it got me i was so into it.
Logan Paul just knows
how to wrestle.
He does.
He did wrestle.
If he gives that a full year,
he doesn't even have to.
He just goes up
to the big events.
It was great.
Who else knew?
Is he better than McAfee?
Yeah, he's better than McAfee.
Really?
McAfee's fine,
but he's good.
Yeah, he seems good too.
And Bad Bunny are the two.
Bad Bunny's good? Yeah, he's really good. And Bad Bunny are the two. Bad Bunny's good?
Yeah, he's really good.
Bad Bunny's in it?
Yeah.
He's good.
He had a match at Mania last year.
Is he like the most powerful person in America
and in the world?
Yeah.
I guess America works too.
He had a character on the game
and I was like,
why does he have a character on this game?
Yeah, he did commentary this weekend
and got involved in a match.
Now who is he?
He's a musician?
Yeah. Yeah. From Puerto Rico. He and got involved in a match. Now, who is he? He's a musician. Yeah.
Yeah.
From Puerto Rico.
He's probably the most famous musician.
I think him to Puerto Rico is unlike any other celebrity to their own place.
Their next big show is May 6th in Puerto Rico.
And I think he's going to have a match on it.
Geez.
Isn't that where Logan Paul lives?
Is it?
Do they both live there?
I think.
Or maybe.
I don't know.
To evade taxes.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it was in 2017.
A group of developers hilariously competed for who could create the worst volume control interface in the world.
Let's see.
That one's not bad.
I like that.
It's kind of nice, tilting from side to side, balancing the volume.
I love this one, too.
Nick, I saw this last night.
It's awesome.
It's so fucking awesome.
That's hilarious.
This one's what you'd expect.
That's just inconvenient.
All right.
Like a Scantron.
Is that going to be like a random?
I think that's a random generator.
These are all awesome.
Ooh, landing on 99.
Just scaring you.
Oh, this one's great.
Curling.
Just trying to describe these for 99% of people who listen on a podcast.
I'm just coming here to talk to you guys.
Oh, Yahtzee?
That's hilarious. I'm not listening on a podcast. I'm just coming here to talk to you guys. Oh, Yahtzee?
That's hilarious.
I didn't understand this when I scrolled past it.
You have to yell.
It matches your yell.
Yeah, that's annoying.
You have to draw it with dots? This one's great it just matches the angle of your laptop jesus dude they're brilliant yeah that one i don't know how i would
even that's like the free throws on nba live 95 yeah like the uh getting out of the pin and uh
wrestling wwe wwe 23 24 whoever twitter's what twitter account is this is yours twitter Like the getting out of the pin in wrestling. WWE.
WWE.
24?
Two Ks.
What Twitter account is this?
Is this yours, Twitter account, Booz?
It's PickCentral's.
Respond with, you, sir, win the internet for the day.
Crying face emoji.
Freaking PickCentral at it again.
Thank you
KB how was that wedding bro
It was good I wore pink to an all black event
And I forgot dress shoes
So I had to wear Jordans
It was good
Yeah it was tough
I looked whack
Was there anybody in a trucker hat?
No, people obliged to the dress code.
You wouldn't think.
Did you hit that dance floor or what?
No.
You wore pink?
What color pants?
Gray.
Okay.
Yeah.
And Jordans?
Tasteful, though.
Why did you just get some shoes at, like, Walmart or something?
I didn't want to waste money.
Where was it?
Wheeling.
Don't you...
What about, like, your aunt's house or something?
Yeah.
I think I wanted to wear the Jordans.
I think you did.
You definitely wanted to wear the Jordans. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did. Hey, dude. I want to wear the Jordans. I think you did. You definitely wanted to wear the Jordans.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Hey, dude.
I want to wear this size small shirt.
I have plenty of other options.
You had a whole closet full of appropriately fitted.
But this is appropriate, too.
You just look like a fucking off-duty cop.
Did you catch up with anybody?
Yeah, it was a lot of like 13 plus year.
And it's like, what's new?
It's like everything.
Yeah.
But it was cool.
Nothing bad happened.
That's good.
Are you sure?
Something bad happened to me.
Yeah.
Nothing horrible happened to me.
Nothing bad happened.
No tragedies.
Something horrible happened to BTB Savage.
Did you see that kerfuffle?
Yes, that was terrible.
That's insane.
He's an idiot.
What happened?
Why did they clean the blood?
Explain this story.
There's this dude, a rapper, who went two months after, I think he killed someone, allegedly.
I listened to the whole interview, so I know, yeah.
So he killed someone?
Tell them then.
And he stood in the picture of their blood.
I don't know.
These guys rolled up to his house telling him they wanted a feature.
They were going to pay him.
Then they ended up trying to rob him at gunpoint.
He gets into a full-blown, like...
Gunfight.
Yeah, he, like, beats the guy up,
steals his gun,
kills him,
and poses with, like, the blood
all around the house.
Two months later, he posed with the blood
that's still at his entire house.
There's blood all over his floor,
his door frame,
and his, like, arms broken.
And he, yeah, like, you know,
I think it was two months after,
and his arms broken in, like, a full sling,
and he has money stacked up to his shoulder
just posing in the fucking blood.
And then he got killed himself.
Then they came in.
Right at, like, hours after he posted it.
Yeah, compared to your weekend,
you had a good one.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Nothing atrocious
happened to me this week.
Yeah, it sounds like
the wedding went pretty well.
In comparison, yeah.
Yeah, went on without a hitch.
Oh, it was perfect.
No one got killed in cold blood.
No one got robbed.
No one got revenge murdered. No arm injuries even. No one was in in cold blood. No one got robbed. No one got revenge murdered.
No arm injuries even.
No one was in a sling.
Kind of awesome.
Blood splattered around the house for two months.
Untouched.
A crime scene preserved.
That was two months later?
I think it was two months later.
You just left the blood?
That would be pretty hard to just chill.
Yeah.
Just blood splattered all over the house. Some people don't care to just like chill. Yeah. Just blood splattered
all over the house.
Some people don't care though.
Some people are messy as hell.
He just got killed
or he got killed
too much.
Kind of a slob.
He got killed
right after he post.
He did a whole interview
with Vlad about it
and then posted the interview
and then got killed.
Posted the picture.
So yeah,
that's what happened
to me and KB this weekend
Red
Imagine someone coming over to your house
And there's just blood everywhere
And you're like oh I'm such a mess
Rappers don't have cozy homes
Keef's place is just straight up like arcade cabinets
Nowhere to sit
Whose place?
Keef's place
Who?
Keef Keef
Oh Keef
He's got a lot of arcade games
Yeah he's got cabinets out the wazoo.
I think that's because he made a bunch of money when he was like 16.
Yeah.
Folding.
Kim and Brandon have that in common.
That's absolutely what I would do if I had a lot of money.
But folding chairs and like a half-renovated part of their house.
So a lot of paintball guns.
Chief Keef's a big paintball guy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I love having knickknacks around.
I had Rudy and Maresh over for a board game night yesterday, and we couldn't even get the board game started because they were fiddling with my g, yeah. Yeah. I love having knickknacks around. I had Rudy and Maresh over for a board game night yesterday,
and we couldn't even get the board game started
because they were fiddling with my gizmos.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a museum there.
Yeah.
But you could touch and play.
What's your best gizmo?
It depends on the person, really.
I mean, Rudy's a cool guy who went right for the kendama,
as one would.
Is that a sword?
No, no, no.
But he did go right. He went to my sword afterwards. What is the kendama as one would. Is that a sword? No, no, no, but he did go right.
He went to my sword afterwards.
What is a kendama?
It's like the Adam 22, like the wooden thing.
Wooden ball.
Damn, Adam 22 is the one that has ownership of that timeless toy?
He's like the kendama guy, isn't he?
Yeah.
I was pretty good at it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Can't do it.
It's a ball in the cup?
No, not quite.
Well, it's ball and two divots and then the spike on top.
You've got to go big divot, little divot, spike.
Actually, Nick, let me stop you there.
There's actually three divots.
Oh, the bottom.
There's three divots.
Oh, shit.
Yes.
And if you're good, you can land it in between the two divots in the top.
So there's countless divots.
Countless divots.
So what gizmo did Maresh go for?
Maresh, he likes fiddling through my memorabilia, my signed items.
I have a shelf that's all Pokey Reese and Ben Quadraneros.
Because I don't have enough shelves, I have to combine the two.
He just likes to look at those.
Who's the Mount Rushmore of guys with Q last names?
Are you counting like Quinns and shit like that?
Like Brady Quinn and shit?
Yeah, of course.
Really?
Why not?
I thought you'd think more exotic Qs like Quentin Tarantino.
Not the best name.
Don Quixote.
Is that?
Yeah, I think that's a Q.
Glenn Quagmire.
Oh, Quagmire's top.
Quagmire's number one.
Glenn's up there.
How old is he now?
He's in his 60s, I think.
Jesus Christ.
John Q.
Is Quincy Adams, is he a product of divorced parents?
Is he a hyphenator or is Quincy his middle name?
His middle name.
Quincy Jones.
Well.
Are we doing first names?
That wouldn't be a last name.
Quincy Jones would be a different category.
Quincy is, yeah. Quincy Jones is the opposite of a cute last name.
I thought you said cute names.
I'm talking about like Robin Quivers,
Dennis Quaid.
Sure.
Randy Quaid as well.
Dennis Quaid is the most adequate actor there is.
He was in a bunch of rom-coms for a while, though,
that like...
The best one, Twins, what's it called?
Parent Trap. Parent Trap, yeah.
Classic.
He was great in that.
He was in The Rookie.
A baseball movie. Just an adequate movie.
Adequate movie. I thought that was a poor movie.
Kind of boring. Very boring. I don't think I ever saw it.
Is he an old and he's a pitcher? Yeah.
Jim Morris. Doug Glanville's in it.
Doug Glanville is an old rookie.
He's an old rookie, yeah.
38 years old, I think.
Ron Gant.
I can't call it.
Still on the cues, or are we off the cues?
I'm thinking.
It's not many.
Quintana?
Wackenbush?
Quintana Brunson's a fucking...
I mean, if we were doing first names,
she'd be in the conversation these days.
How about people that just go by one name?
Seal?
Yeah.
He's got to be top three.
Quasimodo.
I don't think he's top three.
Top three one names?
There's a lot.
Some of the best ones.
Oprah Prince.
Prince and Madonna.
Oprah, right?
I guess Elvis went right.
Does Oprah count? Because she kept the win for a while. She did. Did she drop it? Oprah Prince. Prince and Madonna. Oprah, right. I guess Elvis went right.
Does Oprah count?
Because she kept the Winfrey for a while.
She did.
Did she drop it?
I don't know.
I feel like she's still Oprah Winfrey.
Cher.
Cher is a good one.
I heard that Puff Daddy's inner circle is now calling him PD.
I don't know.
Come on.
I swear to God.
Why doesn't he just settle?
Because he keeps it fresh.
PD.
It's giving Cher.
Remember that video?
Yeah.
You should watch that.
That video always hits.
Have you ever seen it's giving Bozo when the dude's trying to film?
No. It's giving Bozo.
How do you know he's gay?
He had a huge cock in his mouth.
He sucked to completion.
It was Shawn Mendes, right?
Yeah.
He's like the prettiest dude in the world.
Supposedly not gay.
Supposedly.
It's giving Cher.
If you say that, you're gay.
That's more gay than taking a dick in your ass. Yeah.
Giving Cher is more gay than taking a dick.
It is.
Or it's just maybe equal. Even being familiar enough with Cher to say that something is giving Cher.
Like being familiar with Cher's personality traits.
What she gave.
Yeah.
Nick, did you bring the yak sheets for today
in here? I was supposed to,
but I left them on my desk.
I was reading the ads from Friday, March 31st.
I'm going to have
to go retrieve them so we have the right ads.
Yeah, you want me to go get them? That was my responsibility.
Chase told me to do it.
Could you get me a water, please? Thank you.
No, thanks. Thank you. No, thanks.
Thank you.
I'll just have to pee.
It's a vicious cycle.
It really is.
Kate, what are your thoughts on the women's basketball championship?
I thought it was great.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I don't really follow it too much.
I like the ladies' wacky outfits.
I think that's fun. Taunting? Yeah, I don't mind that at all. I don't mind follow it too much. I like the ladies' wacky outfits. I think that's fun.
I don't mind that at all.
I don't mind a little taunting.
Yeah, I don't know why people were upset about it.
Because you betted on it.
That's why everybody cares.
Yeah.
Placed it over a week.
I needed San Diego State and UConn to win the Final Four,
and then I needed Iowa to win the championship,
and it was like a $50 bet for a $1,000 payout.
They just fucked me.
Stephen Che made me rich this weekend.
Really?
Yeah, yesterday.
I've got to start getting into this.
Brooks.
And he had a parlay.
Wow.
Yeah.
Che's good.
Yeah.
Damn good.
Takes him like two hours to think of one pick.
This one, the one that I did, I was doing my research.
Were you?
It was good.
It was a good parlay you had.
Yeah.
No, wasn't it lost?
Well, it's actually a really bad parlay.
It was the worst it could be, yeah.
Great logic time.
One of the three bets didn't hit.
66% at 60, what is that?
Yeah, it's an F.
Yeah, it's bad. 66.6. Yeah. 66% at 60. What is that? That's an F. Yeah, that's bad.
66.6.
Yeah.
Well, six repeating.
Of course.
Of course.
And what's that hat?
Maybe Levi or some shit.
I don't know.
I don't know what clothes to buy.
I would buy KB's wardrobe,
but I don't have that fucking tight-ass little fucking body thing.
You got a tight body?
Yeah.
His two arms together are wider than his torso.
Thank you.
Which is...
No, I have some flab.
Thank you.
No, we're going to jump you and beat the shit out of you because we're jealous.
What did you get at the wedding?
The fucking fish?
Yeah.
What?
What did you get?
The fish, bro?
What did you get?
The fucking fish?
The salmon?
That tight little body of yours?
You definitely got the fish.
Probably didn't even touch your starches, you fucking twink.
Whoa. Whoa.
Jesus.
I'm just kidding, bro. I'm just so
fucking jealous. How was the best man speech?
I just went to the reception.
Oh, yeah.
You didn't go to the ceremony?
No, it was just like a light reception.
Kind of like that.
Do you have to explain what you do for a living to anybody?
Oh yeah, it's tough.
What do you say?
It's impossible.
What do you say?
I just say what I do at podcasts.
And they say, what do you talk about?
That's where it goes off the rails.
What's it called? Anus?
I don't claim anus.
I just say the yak.
Picture an industrial beach.
Think of a factory catching a wave after shoveling it into a coal-fired engine.
Are they letting you do that?
Are they letting you guys have that?
They're forcing us to do that.
The set's locked in.
I'm excited to see.
Y'all had a secondary meeting on that?
No.
No, they just hit the ground running.
I think they're building it now.
I think we're just going to show up.
We're going to show up.
I can't wait.
I hope it sucks.
Wait, what is this?
Our offices for our studios for Chicago.
Yeah.
There, we had the meeting at the same time.
I asked for a recliner and they freaked out.
And then those guys were trying to describe what they want.
And they ended up describing Industrial Beach. Industrial Beach. It's going to be like that episode of Trading Spaces where they came back and they freaked out and then those guys were trying to describe what they want and they ended up describing Industrial Beach.
Industrial Beach.
It's going to be like that episode of Trading Spaces
where they came back and they stapled hay to the wall.
Right, okay.
Well, that would be great.
Yeah.
Who could forget that episode?
They mangled the home.
They did that many times on that show.
Stapled hay?
Stapling moss.
Yeah, they stapled moss too.
Oh, there were so many episodes where they were very unhappy with the product.
Trading what?
Spaces.
I thought you said trading spouses, and it didn't make as much sense.
Was it trading places?
Was it spaces or places?
Probably spaces because places is Eddie Murphy.
Trading spaces is Ty Pennington?
Oh, that's...
Is it Christopher Lowell?
Ty Pennington was Extreme Home Makeover as well.
Huge Adam's apple on that guy.
I think he gives Cher.
He does give Cher.
How did you get eligible to get on Extreme Home Makeover?
Was there like a lottery or some shit?
You had to have a sick kid, right?
Yeah, they always had to have...
The kid that was allergic to the sun in one episode.
It sucked because
all the medical equipment
took away from how sick
the house was.
It has to be the kids
make a wish.
I wish that my parents
can get a cool-ass house.
They don't still do that show.
I'm still...
Right?
I don't know.
What show?
Extreme Home Makeover.
I think they do.
Do they?
They're still doing that? I don't know. They spawn a whole class of other. Oh, I think they do. Do they? They're still doing that?
I don't know.
They spawn like a whole class of other similar shows.
Yeah, there's just a bunch of shows like it.
Yeah, but theirs were extreme.
Like, oftentimes they just tore the house down.
Right.
The Always Sunny episode, the Extreme Home Makeover one is so fucking funny.
Good morning, Juarez family.
Oh, yeah.
They play like metal music.
Yeah. war as family. Oh yeah. Play like metal music.
That's a show that I never watched.
I know I would enjoy it.
It's so fucking good.
I just watched the episode last night where they go to
where Dennis goes back to his frat
and he's looking for himself on the wall and it's just the picture
of him and it says I chug dick.
He's like I don't chug dick.
And then they're all doing drugs and Frank's asking
if they have lewds.
Somebody in this office, it might be one of you,
liked it more
before Danny DeVito. It was Che.
Liked it a lot more.
And he thinks Danny DeVito ruined the show.
Danny DeVito
gets in in like the second season.
I know. Yeah yeah he comes in fast
I think it's the second
or the first season
the show was about to be cancelled
yeah
yeah it was second season
yeah
Danny DeVito is so
fucking funny in that show
the funniest part of the show
yeah
anybody know
what you can stream that on
Hulu
or FX
it's on television
I know you're a cable
you're a cable subscriber.
I'm not.
You're not?
I'm on YouTube TV now.
What?
So where do you watch your sports?
It's lovely.
YouTube TV.
I got rid of the DirecTV.
I'm a YouTube TV guy.
Shit.
They have all the sports.
I pull it up on every screen, and it's easy.
Now, they don't have the MLB package, which is...
Exactly.
But they do have great football.
How do you watch your MLB?
He doesn't watch it.
Just been watching Mets games.
Don't you have to talk about that?
Isn't that part of your job?
I watch it.
And I watch whatever games come on nationally.
But, yeah, it's been –
I didn't know that YouTube TV had dropped MLB in February, but they have.
But the rest of YouTube TV is fantastic. Wait, so with
YouTube TV with football,
you can watch any game that's on?
Yeah, they got... I have Red Zone on mine.
A lot of them, yeah. Because I have Fubo
and they only play like the local... What the fuck is
Fubo? He doesn't know what Fubo is?
No, but Fubo, I never had it.
I had to fucking drop
so much money on it. Yeah, Fubo's
expensive as shit. Fubo's expensive as shit.
Fubo's, it's got a lot of additional add-on packages.
I think it's like one price.
I don't know.
I got to cancel that.
I got to cancel.
Yeah, I actually got to cancel a lot of shit.
I got like Paramount Plus. What's the one that has like just old ass TV shows running?
Huh?
Pluto?
Fubi?
That's an interesting one.
Fubi.
There's Fubi. Fubi. There's Fubi, Pluto, and Fubuck. Pluto. That's an interesting one. There's Tubi.
Tubi.
There's Tubi, Pluto.
Pluto's interesting as well.
Because it's kind of depressing, but then you get locked into it.
Like what?
There's an American Gladiators channel.
Oh.
There's just channels of everything.
There's just old stuff, new stuff.
Pluto's interesting.
Okay.
We don't have any advertisement deals that clash with this conversation, do we?
No.
Should we be fine?
Dude, I got all of them.
I got Peacock.
Yeah, I got Paramount, Disney+, Hulu, HBO.
Yeah, streaming is way more expensive than just not.
It's way more expensive.
They're trying to do bundles now, though, I think.
Yeah, Disney, ESPN, all that's bundled. they're doing like they're trying to do like bundles now though i think yeah disney espn and
all that yeah but it's it'll be like it'll be one good one and then two that no one gives a
fuck about i think i watch them all i watch hbo max i watch peacock i don't have apple tv i don't
have apple tv either um and i currently don't have hulu but um tommy's been wanting to get it back
hulu's pretty good it really it's honestly it's i don't know it's really like it's. Hulu's pretty good. Really, it's honestly, it's, I don't know. It's really like, it's like Hulu,
Netflix, and HBO.
I feel like you need
all of them.
Because we watch
our sports on Hulu.
I think Netflix is the
one you could get rid
of the first.
Honestly, yeah.
Yeah, probably.
But they have good,
they still have.
It's the one I watch
the least.
You guys watch
Love is Blind?
No, but I heard
about the Controversy.
It is an absolutely
torturous watch
in a good way,
in the best way.
I heard the two women on this season, really.
Yeah.
I got to get into a pointless watch like that.
It's hard.
There's a lot of scenes.
You got to go to hoarders.
Yeah.
Oh, it's great.
Isn't that gross, though?
Yeah, there was this one woman who they found a cabinet of her dirty water jugs, which was
her shit and piss in a jar i
actually knew a uh i once knew a camera guy who works on that show no way he said it was the
foulest thing yeah he's ever smelled in his entire life that house yeah well just houses he's done he
did like three or four different episodes and he was like every time was worse than the last there
was a kid that i went i had english class with in high school that had an episode with his mom.
They had to climb up like an eight-foot wall of garbage to get...
On top of hoarding items, they're also just trashy.
They're odd.
Dirty.
They're odd people.
Yeah, they don't...
I had to help relatives.
It was like a relative's relative's relative's, but she was an old lady, but I had to help move...
The idea was to go help move stuff out of her place and it
turns out like nothing was we opened the fridge and there was bugs crawling like there was just
everything there was just bugs everywhere i'd never been in so did you leave like right away
no i mean we had well there was the apartment sorry still had to be emptied out so we still
had to like help empty it out.
But she thought it was all going to go to her new place.
And they had to break it to her.
They're throwing it away.
All of this has to go.
You can't have any of this stuff.
Yeah, it was super sad.
All the people have a bad mental...
Yeah, it was like really...
There's some kind of psychological reason that makes them hoard.
Worst episode of Hoarders.
Usually they can clean the house so you get a pathway.
They clean up a few rooms.
They'll buy you a bed and get you a toilet and stuff because nobody's bathrooms are working either.
This woman's, they had to raise the home, burn it down, and just send her to an institution.
That was the ending.
Then just roll credits.
Jesus Christ.
It's crazy how often it's happening.
It's very common.
Yeah. Yeah. Brandon mean you've been mum
he was ordering his chick-fil-a no i wasn't i was uh i was checking on my group text with my
realtors um but i uh why would you have more than one yeah they're sisters. That's hot.
That's a whole genre of porn.
Property, what is it called?
Property sisters.
Property, yeah, something like that.
It's never what it's supposed to be.
It's like the people that write those pornos don't understand how buying a house works.
All right, yeah.
This is going to be the down payment, my cock.
That's not how it works. You're going to be the down payment. My cock. That's not how it works.
You're going to need to give some sort of money.
So they didn't know what I do for a living.
Yeah.
They just got recommended to me, or we got recommended to each other. So if they actually do watch today to find out what it is,
then they will find out as soon as I mention their name,
it turned into a porn conversation.
I'm sure they'll survive.
That'll go poorly.
In what scenario would this be traced back to them?
I don't know.
But I've been mummed because I never watched Hoarders.
Okay.
I watched their names.
I don't know.
They got them though.
Two of them.
Two names.
The Realtor Sisters.
You gave enough.
Yeah.
Yeah, people will figure that out.
Do you have any thoughts?
My house.
Did it run through your head, like, how you would have to say no to them?
It didn't.
Please, I'm married.
You didn't say no.
It did.
No never crossed my mind.
Not once.
It'll get back to them.
Yeah, they're going to find out for sure.
Especially after that comment.
Jesus.
Yeah, you made it way worse.
Well, that was just teed up.
I'm like, creepy man.
No, you made it worse.
I had to say that.
You know them.
We don't know them.
I had to say that.
That wasn't my fault.
Did they show you the house that had the basketball court?
Oh, and you were shooting around for them?
Yeah.
Oh, no. Did you do some? Oh, and you were shooting around for them? Oh, no!
Did you do some shots?
You ladies wanted to do a few shots up?
It took a lot of Eurostep.
No, no, no.
You were having them give you alley-oops?
I'm getting kind of sweaty.
The details
we have now are basketball court
in the basement, Chicago area.
Who is selling that?
Their gut.
No.
And you know the size.
You can search text in your camera roll now.
Yeah, I saw that.
It will show you pictures with that text anywhere.
No.
Oh, my God.
It could be like beach vacation.
Oh, my God.
I actually kind of like that a lot.
Yeah, it's cool.
Or like Nashville trip 2012.
We're on the cusp of like a big renaissance.
What?
Or not a renaissance.
Oh my God.
A new era.
I'm feeling good about this summer.
No results for breasts.
Fuck.
Let me see if I got some.
It's probably saved under titties.
No, it has to have the text in it.
Oh, that's dumb.
I'm going to show you titties.
I think it's cooler.
I have almost 5,000 photos of my son.
That's a little much.
That's a ton of photos.
I have five.
Breast got five for me.
Yeah, see?
Wow.
I just searched vacation, and it's like pictures of water.
I just brought up all my B-strip pictures.
Oh, breasts.
Breasts did work.
You got some?
Breasts work for you?
No, dog.
That's the text.
Woman's breasts weigh 89 pounds.
What?
89?
What the fuck?
One of those see-through things.
Just type it in at the top of the page.
What do you guys think is about to be the next big social media after TikTok is banned
and Twitter is inevitably crumbling right now and sucks a huge dick.
Twitter sucks right now.
I don't even go on it anymore.
It's all videos of people dying.
People are seething about their blue checks.
My entire For You page is just people dying.
Mine's people getting their asses beat.
Mine's asses beat.
It'll be like violent fights.
It'll be like fight
page or whatever.
Fight Haven.
Fight Haven.
Look horrible shit happening.
Dying.
Yeah.
Elon Musk definitely like curates Fight Haven.
It's like I'm about to blow my side account up.
Because there's like a hundred accounts like that.
Yeah, it's so shitty to go on.
It's so bad.
So shitty to go through.
Well, I was right before this.
I was on Twitter and a page came up, and it was like, epic clips.
And then the first thing was just helicopters crashing into each other,
and everyone was like, yeah, they all died.
Yeah.
Instagram sucks dick.
Fucking Facebook's terrible.
Because, dude, TikTok just destroyed everything,
because now everyone's trying to be TikTok.
Yeah, I know.
It's the best.
Well, YouTube is the best.
Reddit's the best.
I think Reddit's the best. Reddit's the best. I think
Reddit's the best. You know what I downloaded this weekend that might actually be the best
truth social. Truth. What? Truth. I got eight minutes ago, Donald J. Trump. Oh, let's go.
When will they be looking at the Biden documents, many of which were brought to Chinatown and then sent to Boston.
Is this why China paid him and Hunter millions of dollars?
Like, this is what you want Twitter to be.
Yeah, I'm getting on truth right after this.
You've got to get on truth.
It's like, it's just what you were hoping Twitter would be, some raw shit.
Yeah, the full transition to truth and rumble.
Truth back in the app store?
Rumble like YouTube for, there's like no guidelines or some shit.
I thought that was called Kick.
No, that's like Twitch, I think.
That's Twitch with no guidelines.
I remember when Elon took over and all these people were like,
I'm leaving.
I'll see you all later.
I'm going to Mastodon.
Has anyone seen that one?
Oh, Mastodon.
Yeah.
It's terrible.
It's terrible.
Oh, what is it?
It's like if Twitter was in 1980.
I don't know.
Like look-wise?
Yeah, it's very confusing to use.
I just looked at it.
I want to hop on all those and just get at Nick, though.
They're already taken up.
I have the Barstool Sportsbook as my account.
My username is Nick
that's sick
yeah
that's my Pat
went like years ago
he still does it
whenever he thinks of one
he buys the website name
oh yeah
squatting
you're not allowed to do that now
I don't think
yeah
book him
yeah
yeah
I remember when Elon
like when he first bought Twitter
everyone was like
oh I'm logging off Twitter
like Twitter's gonna suck now and I was like I was always like no it's not I was like nothing is he first bought Twitter, everyone was like, oh, I'm logging off Twitter. Like, Twitter's going to suck now.
And I was like, I was always like, no, it's not.
I was like, nothing is going to change on Twitter.
And then now it's like, it really does suck.
You don't, like, there's like, Gaz just sent out that email.
There's a whole algorithm now.
The best part about Twitter was that you would tweet and then everyone that followed you would see the tweet.
Very simple.
Now it's like no one's going to see the tweet unless it's like.
It's insane you have to pay for two-factor authentication now.
Yeah.
And Gaz said in the thing that if you pay for Twitter Blue,
you have four times the chance of getting into the algorithm or some shit.
But I feel like such a douchebag.
I'm not paying for it.
I could never do it.
These old Twitter dudes are so pissed that their blue checks don't mean anything anymore.
That was their whole...
Giving a fuck about that is insane.
Basketball Twitter, too.
The dudes who just built up their personal sense of self-worth
around the fact that they're the anti-racists of the world.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's the best.
Because when they have to swap platforms, it's going to be tough.
When they have to go over to Truth, they're not going to have the same following on Truth.
What's your username on Truth?
I don't have one yet.
Got to get you on there.
I'll get on there.
Let's go, Brendan.
I'll get on there.
What is the next thing, though?
I don't know.
I mean, it's TikTok, but Twitter will go back to normal eventually.
Bring back volume.
They'll eventually see that it's declining and they'll just re.
Yeah, but is it too late?
No.
Warzone ruined their game in a weekend from what I've heard.
Warzone comes back today.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was just a dumb prank.
I don't think I've heard of many three-day April Fool's pranks.
No, no one has.
No one's ever heard of an April Fool's pranks. No, no one has.
No one's ever heard of an April Fool's prank that just destroys the entire platform.
Did anyone see any good ones?
Because I feel like it's so rare to see a good one.
No, I didn't see one.
I saw one good one.
I called my mom and said,
my apartment burnt down.
I asked her if she could fly out and help me salvage.
She freaked out.
And then I called her later to tell her it was
in retreat. But on that same
phone call, I pretended to chip
my tooth on a caramel cream.
And she fell for that.
I was a real dick. That's hilarious.
What was the one
good one you saw? I forget.
Okay.
I remember it was good though.
I saw a good one.
Well, actually, I set it up.
I hired these two sister realtors.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, to show Brandon a house.
But the joke was it was supposed to be way out of his price range.
Yeah.
He pretended that he could afford that.
Brandon, the fact that it was two sisters and you were shooting hoops in there is so fucking funny.
And you were shooting ropes in there. You weren't there, okay? You didn't see it.
They were upstairs. I went downstairs.
You were like, give me some space. I went downstairs.
I'm going to say, I'm going to go look at the basement. And they said,
oh, it's a beautiful basement. I said, well, let me go see it.
And it was a beautiful basement. Wait, that's bad.
They're bad realtors. So they're standing upstairs waiting for you
and they hear the ball bouncing around downstairs.
I'm sure they knew what was going on.
Well.
Did you bring your own ball? No, there was a ball sitting in there. I'm sure they knew what was going on. Did you bring your own ball?
No, there was a ball sitting in there.
I mean, if you have a basketball goal in your house,
you have to have a ball there for people to sample.
It was great.
It was awesome.
Great basement.
Great house.
Out of my price range.
Did you make it known that the only reason you were singing is because you wanted to see the basketball goal?
I didn't know about it until we got there, and they said,
oh, by the way, downstairs there's a basketball goal.
Why do you keep on calling it a basketball goal?
That's what it's called.
It's a basketball hoop.
It's a basketball goal.
I don't know why you Northerners always say it.
I thought it was a basketball net.
Well, that's the net.
That's the net.
It's a basketball goal.
That's what it's called.
Listen, I'm not going to argue about this. Let's go shoot some goals. Let's go shoot some hoops was a basketball goal. That's what it's called. I'm not going to argue about this.
Let's go shoot some goals.
Let's go shoot some hoops on the basketball goal.
Let's go shoot some hoops on the basketball goal.
Okay.
Each his own. Any problems with this?
Some 1960s-ass lingo. It's fine.
I'm not a 1960s lingo. I've actually
never heard anyone say that.
I've actually had this discussion before.
Here. Marty mush was enamored
by it too so okay it went it wasn't interesting that day either strange bedfellows you and marty
mush interesting i don't i don't care we're from different places yeah and lingo people say
different shit soda pop you know what i mean Earlier I accidentally said buggy for a shopping cart, and that's embarrassing.
I say buggy.
Do you?
Good.
Thank God.
That was like seven years of Barstool's content being like, you say what?
We didn't understand regional dialogue.
There's only a small window in the country that says buggy.
It's like the southeast and a little bit of Appalachia, right?
It's not called a buggy.
Yeah. That's what I call it, though. Wait, you're online? It's like the southeast and a little bit of Appalachia, right? It's not called a buggy.
That's what I call it, though. Wait, you're online?
That one is the only one I will still get aggressive about.
Only like online.
They say what?
When you're in line to check out, they say, are you online?
Oh, yeah, I've heard that.
Standing online.
Yeah.
That's why that guy shot up that school, because he was so infuriated.
Wait, what?
No, I'm kidding.
I'm believing that.
You say what?
People do get heated about that.
About words?
About just how, yeah.
Yeah, and it is weird because it's like people just are from different places and they grow up with different words.
It's like a different language.
Yeah.
Now, if they look different.
That's what's going to happen.
There's like a race war happening on Twitter right now
over the best.
That's the dumbest thing in the world.
There's a race war happening?
There's a race war happening right now.
That Dave's at the center of.
Oh, Dave is running it.
I'm going to let you guess which side he's on.
Jewish side.
This is its own race.
Let's talk about High Noon, can I?
Yeah.
Cool.
You can.
Thank you.
High Noon is a hard seltzer made with real vodka real juice and sparkling water
it's actually made with vodka and not with malt like other hard seltzers high noon hard seltzer
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and pineapple available and while my favorite flavor is grapefruit, this past weekend I saw Alex Bennett mixing a pink lemonade-flavored vodka with a high noon.
I couldn't believe it.
She said it was delicious.
High noon.
It's so clean and pure tasting that it opens itself up to versatility, being mixed with different drinks.
You can make it into cocktails.
I mean, have it on ice or just have it straight out of the can as God intended.
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High Noon full-time flavors,
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It's nice out.
It's in the 70s this weekend.
You're going to want to be outside
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to maximize your enjoyment of life. Look for them on Drizzly or at your local convenience store or liquor store or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you.
Hell yeah.
Is that another piece, Nick?
What's this jersey?
Villa.
Damn, you're going hard on the Villa fits.
Kits.
Chelsea.
Nice material. Yeah, it looks like hard on the Villa fits. Kits. Beat Chelsea. Nice material.
Yeah, it looks like a nice sweater.
Nice thick material.
It's nice.
I like KB, people on Twitter are saying you're giving Kendall Roy.
I am.
I don't know those characters.
You are.
You're giving succession.
You're giving more jack.
Giving off one big succession.
Come on.
Train me, bro.
Get me in the gym.
I caught a second win with
lifting. Train me.
It shows. It's nice. It's fun.
KB, do you think I could get
jacked in the next month?
No. It seems like you've been lifting forever
and didn't do shit to your butt.
I haven't gone to the gym.
I haven't gone...
I haven't...
Listen, enough of dancing around.
I haven't gone to the gym in like two years.
You like stand-up and Call of Duty.
I know, but I've got to go to Iceland in a month
and I'm not trying to be...
You're not going to be jacked no matter what in Iceland, though,
so just fucking walk... No, don't be jacked no matter what in Iceland though. So just fucking walk...
No, don't be jacked in Iceland.
You're the fastest you can get jacked.
Physically, if I started working out doing three a day tomorrow,
could I be ripped by the end of the week a little bit?
No, it's genetics.
Yeah, I think it is.
Matt's a CoolSculpt person.
He's a fan of the yak and wants to come in
and give us all abs.
I would love that.
I was walking through Chinatown and there's treatments.
It's like facial, haircut, get skinny.
And it's like fucking 50 bucks for a half hour session to get skinny.
Just get skinny.
I don't even know what the fuck it is.
Are they wrapping you?
I bet it's wrapping.
There's a place right here that does vaginal reconstruction.
Juvenation.
Juvenation? Tighten that shit up, yeah.
Crazy.
Pussies.
What's the number of that place?
We're going to give you a kid pussy.
Pussy transplants?
We got a fresh donor.
Good news, there was a car accident
down by the children's hospital.
Bringing it on ice.
Yeah.
Make pussies
quite the paradox.
Yeah, what would you do?
Brandon, what would you do
if your wife was like...
I mean, that's...
Worst psychopathic
I've ever heard.
Come on.
Are you a grown woman?
Have you ever wanted a kid pussy?
Come to 7th Street.
I didn't appreciate it when I had it.
You see the guy's wedding speech?
He was the loser of the week.
The guy that degraded his wife in his wedding?
Oh, my God.
I couldn't watch.
It was terrible.
Somebody did research.
That was a Harry Potter-themed wedding, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had to turn it off.
I loved how mad Twitter was getting.
They wanted them arrested.
That guy was trying to be so hot,
because the photographer
was doing a behind the scenes
and they were like,
is there anything
you want to tell
your future wife?
And he's like,
I'm expecting a lot of sex.
Can we play it?
Have you seen it?
It's atrocious.
I don't know what it even is.
Oh my God.
You know what it is, Brandon?
Terrible.
Terrible.
It sounds like it's going
to be secondhand embarrassment.
Like groom roasted
horrible white guys.
The worst you'll have.
There's so many guys like that from Mr. PA.
Truth?
Yeah.
I should be on truth.
I think I've said it on here, but I went to a Marine wedding where he did the rifleman's
creed as his vows.
Like, this is my rifle.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Nice.
He did, this is my wife.
There are many like her, but this one is mine. blah blah blah blah it did this is my wife there are many like her but this one is mine um with without me my wife is useless without her i am okay but she is still
useless like that what he like oh maybe it's not like just ripped her apart i don't know is this
rifleman's cream is this it uh no no if somebody has it you want to send it to me she might be
like reacting i'm gonna look yeah i saw it on twitter so i couldn't watch the whole thing
through i turned it off fast
because he was bombing too.
What if you're like
the father of the bride?
You have to get up
and say something,
right?
Or do you just sit there
and you're like,
there goes the baby girl.
Everyone was like,
people were like,
they don't know
their relationship,
which I guess is true,
but it's also like,
why would you,
just don't post it on there.
It's abusive.
You wouldn't get it.
He abuses her.
You don't understand.
Oh, okay. I didn't don't post it on there. It's abusive. You wouldn't get it. He abuses her. You don't understand. Oh, okay.
I didn't know.
Everyone has different relationships.
Whatever works.
I would just like to be like a fly on the wall at the bar area afterwards.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck was that?
Right.
The gossip at weddings is fire.
It is.
Kate, do you watch Succession?
I haven't watched this season.
No.
I used to.
I legitimately haven't been to a wedding in 15 years.
That speaks ill of your friendships.
Well, no.
I mean, we're all older.
He's trying to brag.
I've been to a birthday party in 20 years.
I've never received a phone call or anything.
You're bragging.
I'm not bragging.
I'm just saying I haven't been to a wedding in fucking forever.
I don't have your math, but just type in Harry Potter wedding in the Twitter search bar.
Brandon's forgotten how to hug.
I would exchange the words I love you with a human being in over 25 years.
You're still saying that?
Dang, you.
Yeah.
We were talking about weddings, and I just haven't been to one.
It's been a while.
I was talking about my sister, but she won't get married.
What the hell?
That's selfish on her part.
You need to make her a match.
You need to go to Marina's wedding?
No. Is this wedding? No.
Is this it?
Oh, God.
I don't know if I even want to look at her.
Look at her cringing.
She looks British.
Only two things are required to keep me happy.
Keep my belly full and my balls empty.
Though you're amazing at half of it, we really need to get you some cooking lessons.
Even when my belly isn't full, there is no one I could ever love more in this lifetime. Get her.
Get her.
She's like, louder.
Michael. P.S. Since you're so good at making decisions like Mary and me,
you can choose whether tonight's going to end with being a toaster strudel or a Twinkie.
Jesus Christ.
Roasted.
Oh, it's so bad.
The first part was kind of funny, though.
There's a lot. I mean, people were tittering in the background.
I mean, those people find people like
that.
People on Twitter are so mad that they're just going to go on
with their lives.
No repercussions.
It is weird to graphically
be getting into sex jokes
at your wedding.
Yeah.
Dude, I wouldn't even kiss when the priest says you can kiss the bride.
I went like half a second.
Like I did a pack.
Really?
Yeah.
I think about that a lot.
Some people really go after it, though.
Some people dip.
You see the show where it was the super religious people where they've never even touched
their partner and then when the priest says,
I do, they're like...
It's probably hard not to.
I gotta fuck right now.
We have to fuck right now.
Damn. Harry Potter themed?
Was Harry Potter themed was it was Harry Potter
the ties
that's tough
yeah
people
how many Harry Potter
themed weddings
are there
is that common
probably a lot
my sister had
probably about
200,000 a year
I don't
probably a lot
my sister had
people wear the ties
it was like
you picked your tie
of like whatever house.
I get loving a movie or loving a property, but making your wedding about it.
Have you seen the Star Wars weddings where the groomsmen put their lightsabers for them to walk through?
Like the Marines do?
There's a whole wedding show that's Disney weddings.
That's like the whole... A lot of people do pirates too.
Like a shocking number of people do pirate themed weddings.
What?
It's fucking crazy.
Type of person.
I guess if you're just both really into it, like why not?
Yeah.
I don't mind.
I don't hate on it.
I just...
If you both fucking love Harry Potter.
Harry Potter can be done like...
It could be subtle.
For subtle.
Yeah.
Just no Jews.
Right. Running that one back Yeah. Just no Jews. Right.
Running that one back.
Running back the hits.
It's funny because you're Jewish.
Yeah.
It's funny because me and you are Jewish.
Yeah, me and Roan.
Aren't you, you're a quarter Jewish, right?
No, I'm half Jewish.
Mincy is, right?
Mincy's quarter.
Quarter Jewish, yeah.
He's got a French quarter.
Yeah, what was that?
He was at a Jewish community?
He's a member of a Jewish community center.
So funny.
Mincy.
One percent.
If you're even one percent and it goes down maternally, you're good to go.
It does.
Hogs for the Cause was this weekend, right?
It didn't happen already.
Yeah, it did.
It did.
It did.
What?
I know.
It happened.
It just happened and ended. It just happened. No way. Yeah. Oh. We didn't hear already. Yeah, it did. It did. It did. What? I know. It happened. It just happened and ended.
It just happened.
No way.
Yeah.
Oh.
We didn't hear much from it.
It feels like it didn't, but it did.
Because the 10K is the week before.
No, it happened.
It happened.
Hogs for the Cause is history.
No, Hogs for the Cause is over?
Yes.
They raised a record shattering 3.6.
When's it going to run?
They raised.
It happened.
Yeah, Hogs for the Cause is done.
Wait, so did he run it i i don't
know no that's not yet but i think the run is different i think the run is for next year's
hogs for the cause i think he agreed to run on uh he's already working for us oh yeah he was
supposed to do the run for them he was originally doing the run for them he didn't do it i don't
know it's like when you win a super bowl and you're like, just like, okay, we're on to the next one.
Like, we're thinking about the next year's Super Bowl.
He's like Bill Belichick.
In the weight room the next day.
In the weight room the next day.
Yeah, we should call him up.
When is the run?
Did we get into his sweating gate?
Sweat gate?
Yeah, the soaking wet face, dry shirt.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was actually kind of gross.
His rivalry with Francis is awesome, though.
Everybody else can kind of put fun at him and he'll just fire back at Francis.
After that trivia shit.
He won't take no shit from Francis.
Yeah, because you could just be like,
well, you're bad at trivia.
Harvard boy.
That definitely gets Francis.
I don't know when the run is.
I can't believe Huggs.
Did he put out?
It's the final four weekend. I'm going all over his Twitter. I don't know when the run is. I can't believe Hogs. Did he put out? It was the final four weekend.
It happened on Friday and Saturday.
I'm going all over his Twitter.
I don't see much.
Yeah, I didn't see much.
Did he post?
He posted.
I see this.
I don't know what this is.
That's him at the CEO of, yeah.
When Mincy asked me to train him to run a 10K.
He went radio silent.
He's just running in the back.
I mean, you can imagine what I thought.
That's impossible.
But when he told me Big Cat was going to give $10,000 to his favorite charity, Hogs for a Cause, I said, let's go.
Wait a minute.
But is Mintzy telling people that he already has the 10K from Big Cat?
I think so.
Oh, God.
Going to get smacked.
Get that out of your mouth.
What are you doing, Mintzy?
You've got to get your mind right.
That's well acted.
I said no sugar.
Now there's three Twinkies again. This guy's house is fucking awesome. What are you doing, Mitzi? You've got to get your mind right. I said no sugar.
This guy's house is fucking awesome.
Then a lot of conditioning.
This is like the first parody ever made.
This dates back to the 80s, this parody.
In the beginning, he ran at a snail's pace.
Hit him.
Is this like public domain Rocky music?
I love when Quigs pointed out he steps on the dog's tail.
Oh, he does. He does.
But he never gave up.
I knew I had to push him harder.
Yeah, this is like school project level.
He's starting to get faster.
Yeah, looking better.
Look, we all know Mincy has his challenges, but he's got a part of the line.
Look at that house.
He's breaking really hard.
And this is not something easy to do, and it's all for charity.
They have to.
For hogs for a call.
What is that bridge?
For children and their families.
That's a treehouse.
He has a brain cancer. That's sick.
It's an amazing, amazing cause.
And, you know, unlike Big Cat, I think he's going to do it.
So I'm going to put up another $10,000.
That's a visual right there.
Let's go out and raise $20,000.
Can we call and ask if he did it?
I feel like he had to have done it.
Oh, has he got Macy's number?
First, we've got to talk about C4, though.
We need...
Yeah, Sass, this is right in your wheelhouse.
It makes me tingle.
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C4, the best. Sass will tell you. I can tell you. I love C4Energy.com to purchase yours in all four flavors. C4, the best.
Sass will tell you.
I can tell you.
I love C4.
Yeah, see?
Sass just told you right there.
Yeah, it's good stuff.
I used to use the powder, you know, and then I kind of switched to the cans.
And he doesn't say that lightly.
No, I don't.
Have you played Pat in Call of Duty yet?
I have not, no.
He's never going to.
It's just, dude, it just doesn't,
realistically, it just doesn't make sense for me to.
Yeah.
What do you have to gain?
He's getting pissed about it too, right?
He's pissed about it, but I don't, like,
I play video games strictly from a point of joy
and entertainment and for fun.
I play video games.
It's not even to play the game. It's like I like to talk to my
friends from home. Do you talk like a gamer?
Are you afraid that's what it is?
No, no, no. A little bit.
We're dropping a Superstore.
TJ's voice.
When I play video games, it's usually really
late at night and I'm playing with my three best friends.
So, like, just having Pat, me and him play together.
I mean, dude, I played with, like, Billy before.
It's awkward when you're playing with people that you're not, like, good friends with.
You're not good friends with Billy?
He's right there.
Dude, me and Billy played together, and we just, like, sat in silence.
And it was, like, me, him, and one of his, like, buddies from college.
And it was, like, the most uncomfortable.
I think I lied, and I was like, I gotta get off. And do you just appear offline and keep playing? I appeared offline, and I played his buddies from college. And it was like the most uncomfortable. I think I lied and I was like, I got to get off.
And do you just appear offline and keep playing?
I appeared offline and I played with my friends.
I literally did that.
That's mean.
You'll never find out.
This was so long ago.
Maybe it's a good way to...
Back when I was in East Village.
You could brush up on your social skills.
With Ray and Tegan.
Oh my God.
I forgot about that.
Who's that?
His first roommates.
Yeah, we went to his launch party
for his fashion line.
Yeah.
Good ass night.
Tegan's?
Ray's.
Come on, bro.
Keep up.
Is that shady Ray?
It was.
No, Ray was an awesome guy.
Super nice guy.
You tried to hit him up, didn't you?
He didn't answer?
Yeah.
They did not fuck with you at all.
No, they fucked with me. They did not fuck with you at all. No, they fucked with me.
They did not fuck with each other.
I feel like I was like a child of divorce.
Did they like rob you?
No.
The one, the guy that moved out kind of did.
He just, I mean, I subbed.
You were paying more.
Way more.
Yeah.
For a lot less.
It was a sublease.
That's not how that works.
I mean, he can, the guy that moved out can control the price.
It wasn't like I was paying like
Eleven hundred dollars
Oh okay
And they were paying
Like nine fifty
It was a cool
It was kind of a cool apartment
Nice apartment
Yeah
How's your new one?
Oh good
Did you move in?
No not yet
I got there
They asked if I wanted
To have the floors redone
And I was like
And I still have
My current apartment
So I was like yeah
Yeah Why not?
Let me know when you need a hand, bro. I'll just bring the
pickup truck over. Yeah, bring the whip over, yeah.
I would love that. I think I'm going to be able to successfully
move everything by myself. I just don't know how I'm going to do
my mattress. Buy a new one.
Yeah? Yeah.
Dude, I'm moving like a block
away. Buy a new one.
Order one of the box ones
that uncurls.
Oh yeah.
You think I should move?
You think I gotta...
That's crazy.
A mattress is expensive.
They're like $1,000.
I pay like $200 for mine.
They're very flammable.
Very.
Yeah.
Oh, that seems like
a waste of money.
What size bed do you have?
Like a full?
Get a queen.
Get a queen.
Oh, I think this place
can't fit a queen.
You're paying for the living room is what you're doing at this place.
Not paying for the bedroom.
But wait, did you say where you're going to game?
Living room or bedroom?
Living room.
Desk set up, but not the TV you're going to be using your open monitor.
Facts, facts.
Now I remember.
How was car shopping?
I didn't get a car. I don't know. They all suck. And how was car shopping? I didn't get a car.
I don't know.
They all suck.
Cars all fucking suck.
Yeah.
They're stupid as hell.
Or like the cool ones
are so expensive.
Yeah.
And the other ones
are all exactly the same.
What happened to the wagon?
G-Wagon?
Yeah.
Uh,
I didn't get it.
Fuck.
You test drove it though, right?
No. Oh. By that time, I can't imagine you looking Fuck. You test drove it though, right? No.
Oh.
By that time,
I can't imagine you looking at all those houses
because like after two car places,
I was like,
I'm fucking tired of this.
I was waiting for some dude to be like,
well, let me look this up.
Eight houses in two and a half hours.
What?
Wow.
Eight in two and a half?
Yeah.
How did you even see them?
Just,
I don't know,
15, 20 minutes aiece, I guess.
That's like 90 minutes of basketball.
That's a waste of time.
Were they all next door?
They were in the same reasonable area.
The second house we looked at, she said, all right, the man who owns it said he's working from home
and he's going to be there while we're there.
I hope that's not awkward.
I was like, oh, that'll be cool if he's working. You know, this motherfucker, this motherfucker sat in his goddamn recliner watching Top Gun Maverick,
watching me walk around his house.
I wouldn't have liked that.
And it was a nice house, but I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
It sounds like you guys would have been really good friends.
You guys both like recliners.
Yeah, we could have been boys, but he made it weird.
He just stared at me the whole time.
And the second floor was visible from the living room.
The living room had very tall ceilings.
And then the second floor you could see.
So as I was walking across, I just felt like he watched me walk the entire length of his house.
It was weird.
Are you renting it or buying it?
Are you sure he wasn't watching the sister realtors?
No, because one of them stayed down to distract him.
Probably the producer.
Yeah.
Right.
He was probably. Wait, were they twins? No, because one of them stayed down to distract them. Probably the producer. Yeah. Right.
Wait, were they twins?
No, they're not twins.
Twins?
Not twins. I didn't even know there were sisters.
Probably not even sisters. I didn't know there were sisters until we were having lunch
afterwards.
They didn't look alike? They did.
They didn't look so much alike
that you're like, How old are they?
I don't know.
Yeah, you do.
Oh, I don't.
Age range?
25 to 40.
It's 25.
I don't think so.
25-year-old twins.
Freshly rejuvenated.
You're hopping around town with them shooting hoops.
Ooh.
For hours.
Whose car were you driving?
A rental car.
Yeah, what was the rental?
Drop top. A Lamborghini?
A Nissan Rogue.
You're the fucking Rogue. It's a fucking car?
Yeah.
So you found the one that you're going to get?
I found the one that I'm offering home, but it's starting to
look like a sister. That's a 1.1?
No, not even close.
But they're...
Yeah. Write them a letter. Does it have a
pool? It does not. Does it have a pool?
It does not.
Does it have a deck?
Yes.
Veranda?
A gazebo?
Yes, yes.
What about a foyer?
No.
No foyer?
No foyer.
You classless piece of shit.
No foyer.
What does it look like when you get into the house?
Is there a front lawn?
Not really.
It's more of a back lawn property.
And how big is the back lawn? Fenced in?
It's an acre.
Oh, an acre.
Why are you answering these questions?
I just want to know.
I just thought we were talking.
I get forwarded thinking we're just friends. And I'm having fun
and y'all are showing me friendship.
I forgot there were other people watching.
Gotcha.
We ruined your home life.
We'll be in the DM shortly.
All right.
Whatever.
It's what it is.
Great house, though.
Yeah, it's great.
I just don't understand what y'all are doing, why you haven't gone and picked out a place yet.
I'm torn between the suburbs and the city.
I don't know what to do.
Are you guys all renting, or are you guys buying? I was gonna buy.
Yeah, I'm renting.
I was gonna buy.
You can't even look.
Kate, I feel like the city is so much
more spread out that it's almost like it's
the suburbs. Right? You know what I mean?
It's not like a city city where you're like
fucking stacked. Maybe I should
go and see what it is. I've spent
12 hours there in my life. Yeah, same.
Gotta go walk around. You should just go for a weekend.
We were gonna try to do an ANS live show.
With the sisters?
Of course they want them. That would be paid for.
Zany's, probably.
It's a great spot. Mom's calling.
Gotta go to Joe's on Weed, man.
It's the best spot.
Take it.
Hey, Mama.
Hi, Mama.
No, no, that's fine.
Bye.
Okay, that was my call with Mama.
What's going on?
Your mom just texted me.
I'm giving away a couple of Masters's tickets to some friends of hers.
Oh, wow.
Damn.
Where'd you get those?
From my mama.
Your mama gets master's tickets?
Wow.
I don't want to recount this story.
Have you ever said it before?
Yeah.
I'll have to go back and look.
I know.
I haven't heard it.
She, for 10 years, tried to get master's tickets for her husband.
Who is now since passed.
Next month, she got the tickets.
It's like an Alanis Morissette song.
I was just thinking that.
And in my pocket.
Right.
Other hand.
Giving up his sign.
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's.
I think we should revisit that album.
I don't think it was as good as We Act Like That.
Oh, it was?
Great songs.
Hand in My Pocket's terrible.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Is Live and Learn on that?
Because Live and Learn, You Live, You Learn's terrible.
That's one of the best.
That's a great song.
That whole album is amazing.
Ironic is good, and You Ought to Know is fantastic.
And there's a secret track at the end.
That's not secret at all.
I love secret tracks.
I just think it's put up there as maybe the top album of the 90s,
and I don't think it should be.
And it was all written about Joey Gladstone.
And Coulier.
Oh, never mind.
Millennium came out in 99 does that count
Willennium
came out probably in 99 as well
maybe 2000
I think Willennium was like 98
I don't know
I like that album
Cracked Rearview was good
what was it
Cracked Rearview
what's the story Morning Glory I like that album. Cracked Rearview was good. What was it? Cracked Rearview.
What was that?
It's Hootie's first album. It's Hootie's first.
What's the story, Morning Glory?
Yeah.
Ready to Die.
All Eyes on Me.
These are albums from the 90s.
Did Stankonia come out?
99.
Great.
Yeah, it's good.
Equim and I also, 98.
All right.
Gasoline Dreams used to be my karaoke song.
Update from Mintz.
I have not heard from him.
I tried calling him.
He is MIA.
That's not an update.
Interesting.
I hope he hasn't perished.
Yeah, I hope he's not face down.
Well, that's just county in Louisiana.
Perish?
Oh, yeah, perish.
About to go. Oh, man. Perish, Oh, yeah, Parrish. About to go.
Oh, man.
Parrish, that was the family from Jumanji as well.
That was the boy that went missing?
I was one-third of the Celtics with three in the 80s.
He was a zero, which they just brought back for the NFL.
NFL players can wear zero now.
You like that rule, Sass?
I love it.
Tyreek Hill just quote tweeted Dave and said,
they really give motherfuckers like this a platform.
Did you see what Nindoo said?
No, what did he say?
Nindoo went for the jugular.
Yeah.
At Dave?
Yeah.
Oh.
Nindoo went for the kill shot.
At Hill?
Oh, with Tyreek.
Yeah.
He was like, didn't you beat your pregnant girlfriend or something like that?
Something like that.
Dang.
Dang. He was really built
a loyal
group of
yeah
yeah
people rise up
you know what makes me
rise up out of my seat
and get my car
and drive all the way
to Chili's
is the new deals
that they have over there
I love the deals
that they have at Chili's.
Three for me deal?
Come on, man.
Only at Chili's.
$10.99, bottomless drink.
That's pretty good.
Bottomless drink.
Starter, like bottomless chips and salsa,
and a full-size entree,
like the classic old-timer with cheese
and a big old side of fries
with the chilies.
Three for me, Dale Brandon.
That's exactly right, man.
Come on.
You know how good this stuff tastes.
I was on the screen, too.
You can't get this unbeatable abundance of food anywhere else.
Whether you're getting fast food or picking up groceries,
you're not going to be able to beat it $10.99 for that much bang for your buck. Hey, you might want to bring some leftovers home afterwards.
Luckily, Chili's will put your food in a container with you that you can take home.
Is there a little Chicago in there?
I didn't intentionally, but I'm just thinking about Nick's new neighborhood, Naperville Nick, man.
It's going to be crazy.
I'm a Boys Town boy.
Yeah, but they have a Chili's out in Boys Town, too. So head to your local Chili's, whether it be in Calumet or Evanston.
You can enjoy the three-for-me deal, just $10.99.
Mundelein.
I don't know how they say that one.
Mundelein?
I don't know.
Mundelein?
I love Chili's.
Yep.
$10.99.
You really cannot beat that.
We're recording the— Oh, yeah. Oh, can't beat it. Recording I know my stomach's growling. I really cannot beat that. We're recording the...
Oh, yeah.
Oh, can't beat it.
Recording the dozen all-star game,
and you're in this group chat room.
The time just keeps getting pushed back.
I hate it.
When does the national championship game start?
9.30?
What time are you guys recording?
5.
No.
5.30.
6.
7.
Now 8 o'clock.
Ooh.
Are you guys going to watch the game tonight?
I've already recorded my part.
I've already recorded the game.
Me against Kirk.
You did it?
Did you win?
I think that UConn is going to win, Sass.
Yeah, I'm not doing anything.
UConn. You're okay.
Is that like the farthest separated
national championship?
Yeah, it's got to be.
In 80 years. I actually just saw a tweet.
I'm trying to think of who would possibly be
Miami and Washington.
Yeah, 80 years. What was 80 years?
Stand by.
Probably UCLA and fucking the Bahamas.
What's the Bahamas team?
The fuck?
Bahamas State.
Has a school from Alaska ever made it?
No.
Alaska Fairbanks has a real good rifle program.
Ah, that I believe.
Win it about every other year.
Great rifle.
Rifle.
Maybe, who would it be?
Like, Oregon and Miami, maybe?
Oh, yeah.
80 years ago?
That would shock me.
That would knock my socks off.
But what do I know?
San Francisco was in a couple of title games back then.
Back when Wilt was on their squad.
But then, I don't know who they would have played further away than San Diego State.
Yale or some shit.
I mean, it's almost.
What about Loyola, that guy that died on the court?
Hank Gathers.
What?
Oh.
That was a fun team.
Yeah, they scored a lot of points.
Stomped me in my tracks.
It couldn't have been like another New England team.
Oh.
Right?
None of the Ivy Leagues ever made it even 80 years ago.
Princeton probably was fucking cooking.
Could have been a Northeast team, though.
Could have been like a Syracuse.
Could have been a St. John.
Who would they have to play to be farther away?
It would be almost impossible.
The Tijuana team?
The last furthest distance was in 1942, Stanford versus Dartmouth.
Approximately 3,200 miles.
And before that, LaSalle and University of
San Francisco in 1955.
Wait, Stanford
and Dartmouth. That's farther
than? No, I don't think so. This might be the furthest.
This has to be farther.
No, this is 2,900 miles. Wow.
So it is.
Dartmouth is in New Hampshire.
Where is Dartmouth?
Stanford's in Northern California.
Although San Diego, the bottom part of California does come back east.
San Francisco is closer to Hawaii than Los Angeles.
That can't be right.
Is it?
No.
No.
The flight's the same.
The southernmost point in Canada is farther south than the northernmost point in California.
The easternmost point of Maine is west of all of South America or something?
Is there something there?
Okay.
The entirety of Brazil is east of, I don't fucking know.
Makes sense.
Yeah.
Y'all want to spin the wheel?
I got Mintzy.
Oh, we got to do the Mintzy thing.
Hey, Mintz.
Ben.
Hey, what's up?
What's up, guys?
This is Brandon Walker from the Yak.
How are you doing, Brandon Walker from the Yak?
I'm doing fine.
Did Hawks for the Calls happen this weekend?
It did.
It did.
I just did the rundown with Dan and Dave at LaBear's Lake Charles.
Yeah, it's over.
The race is this Saturday.
Yeah, man, race 3.6 million.
Man, we fight child cancer.
Pretty good effort.
Wow.
So were you originally going to run a race that day?
No, the race is always the week the race is uh always the week after saturday
april 8th but we i talked to all we got the stipulation with hogs where they're allowing
the 20k the big cat 10k and five grades 10k to count quarter punters i gotta they allowed it
so the race is saturday wait the money big cat already paid the money no he didn't he's not
paying until i have it but they they're like they're allowing us to take the money no he didn't he's not paying until i have it but they they're like they're allowing us
to take the money after after it's over just for a special now is todd graves money contingent on
you finishing two or or is he giving it regardless yes no he's he's 60 minutes as well so twenty
thousand dollars could be going to hogs for the cause to treat kids for cancer or it could be
yoinked or it could be zero it could be zero
what's the training at right now i feel feeling all right feeling pretty good i hadn't seen the
weather report yet you know i'm really hoping i don't get like a pouring down rain day but
you know i feel feel pretty good about it as uh other than that i really do
mincy uh great video that you put out with john rich
yeah well i'd say John Rich put it out,
but it was definitely fun getting through that.
I enjoyed it.
It definitely had me laughing pretty damn hard, I've got to say.
It was the funniest part of it.
It was 6.30 p.m. on Tuesday,
and I was just laying on the couch watching baseball,
and John Rich and Pasooli knock on my door.
What the hell is going on?
Because, of course, I know oblivious to them following
me the whole time and i immediately thought like did i do anything wrong the last two days and you
know it looked like i had mince what's your reflection on the fact that so many people like
tommy like this show like john rich use you for their content yeah and that's immeasurable to your uh i think i'll be honest
i think it's awesome because it's really helped keep me relevant when i'm not in the office
uh and so i love that people i mean i know it's also you know i'm not saying they do it because
i'm like a good you know try to be a good person i know it's because i'm awkward as hell but
you know what i mean that's good though you know as long as totally you know
i mean i think you know anytime people want to do anything with me more so i'm always all about it
and so you know i i kind of look at it as a super super positive thing totally i think you have a
great perspective on it all right well so we're we're five days away from you running this 10k
yep seven i believe it's 7 30 or 8 a.m Saturday morning. I got a buddy of mine pacing me who's like a runner that's got a clot
to like help keep my pace up.
Makes sense.
Oh, man.
He's running with a clot.
Oh, yeah, and they watch out.
Probably going to be eating like Raising Cane's chicken strips
at the finish line in this post-game interview.
You know, I think that would be pretty funny.
When's the last time you were up at 7.30 or 8 in the morning?
Let's see.
Well, I did once the other day.
But in general, usually.
I mean, I get up realistically.
I'll be honest.
I get up at 8.30 a.m.
That's when I get up.
Have you had any, like, training runs where you're like, yep, this is it.
I got this on Saturday.
I had an 8 a.m.
I had an 8 a.m. training run last week in audubon park that went really really well there we go it made
me it made me feel pretty good about it so i'm like i got dry needling done on my hand my hamstring
had been tightening up a lot and uh i got dry needling done on it which is kind of like acupuncture
and it cleaned it up and it's been been fine. That's good to hear.
Hey, Ben, it's Nick Teraney, Barstool Sports.
Back in the video, back to John Rich's video,
you were talking about your Wake Up Mincy daily show coming out.
Yes, next Monday.
Look, we're putting a date on it. I just set it on the rundown next Monday, April 10th, the first one.
Is that too – like you just got got done with the run, though.
The run down.
But you just did, like, is that too close to the run on Saturday?
No, he was on the run down.
That was the run down, Dan and Dave.
Oh, okay.
That's why it took a while to call into the act.
What?
He was doing the run down.
What?
He was doing the run down.
Okay, yeah.
All right.
Now, KB's saying, is it too close to the fact that you're just getting done with the run
to start a whole new series of content?
Look, I have to prove to everyone that I can do stuff in the morning.
You know, I really do feel, I feel, I've been waiting on my buddy that's my producer now.
I've been trying to get him for a while, and he just started a couple weeks ago.
So now I've got a guy that can produce it and do cameras
and more content and stuff, so I'm really happy about it.
All right.
All right.
Let's get it.
Good luck, and we'll probably be checking in multiple times this week.
Yeah, sounds good.
Brandon, who you got in the game tonight?
UConn's going to kill them.
I think they are too.
It's going to be like that crappy UConn-Butler title game.
How about that geographic separation?
Oh, UConn.
Wow, it is.
Yeah, Hartford, Connecticut and San Diego, California.
It's an all-timer.
It's the worst.
They're not the most sexy team to play in a title game, that's for sure.
All right, well, have fun, Ben.
All right, Ben.
Always do.
All right. Love right, well, have fun, Ben. All right, Ben. Always do. All right.
Love you, brother.
Now, what I was laughing at was him saying he's been waiting on his buddy
so he could start the show, and his buddy just got hired a few weeks ago.
Oh, yeah, I guess.
He's been there for a month.
Right.
He had hogs for the cause and the run.
No, he had the run down.
I can't wait for the Cause and The Run no he had The Run Down I can't wait for The Run
yeah how are we
how are we gonna
are we gonna be able to watch it
I
you have to watch
I didn't know Hogs for the Cause
happened
yeah
he was being mum
he was radio silent
yeah
actually to be honest
I've never seen any actual
Hogs for the Cause footage
I'm gonna one up ya
I don't know what the fuck it is
I don't know what it is either
it just raises money for
barbecue cooking well last year he posted a ton like I feel like I saw a ton what the fuck it is. I don't know what it is either. He just raises money for brain cancer. It's a big barbecue cooking.
Well, last year he posted a ton.
I feel like I saw a ton from him.
You got it.
And Dave went last year.
And Dave went.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Because the Final Four was in New Orleans.
But this year.
Booze, you got the wheel for us?
Run, Mincy, run.
Pull up the one that lands on Brandon.
Raising all the money for the kids with cancer.
Go, Mincy, go.
Parody sass.
That song is so good.
Francis and Caroline better watch the fuck out before you make a motherfucking parody.
Ooh.
Try.
Try.
Try.
Try.
Try.
All right.
Okay.
All right. Same. All right.
Same time tomorrow?
Same time tomorrow.
Why not?
This will be my only.
After that, I'm gone for a week and a half.
Why?
What?
I'm going to the Masters, and then I'm going to spend a week in Mississippi for my kids' spring break.
This dude is delinquent as hell.
Doing four days in Savannah.
Going to the Masters?
You are?
Yeah, it's just a city I've always wanted to see.
I love Savannah.
You're going to Savannah, Kyle?
Yeah.
When?
End of April.
Oh, hell yeah.
Vacation?
A little bit.
Your 29th weekend?
Long weekend, yeah.
Savannah is fast.
I need to take a vacation.
It's so much fun.
It's delightful.
I'm taking a vacation like that week, too.
You know, it's Tommy's birthday.
Yeah, I need to figure out somewhere I'd like to go. Yeah, find a place. Also, it's Tommy's birthday. I need to
figure out somewhere I'd like to go.
Yeah, find a place.
It's your birthday, isn't it?
No, not that weekend. I'm going to New Orleans, though.
I'm about to go to New Orleans as well.
I'm going to Rochester for Easter.
You are? Oh, God.
That sucks.
Rochester is great.
Get a garbage plate.
Go to the Museum of Play.
Actually, yeah, I kind of liked Rochester compared to Buffalo.
This time of year, though?
It's coming out of it, though.
It's cold as hell.
Yeah, but this time it's 50-50 whether you get nice weather or not.
My birthday's on Wednesday.
Yeah.
This week?
We're going to do a case race.
Oh, fuck.
Do you want to?
What should we do for your birthday, bro?
Nothing. Yo, the Phillies play the Yan? What should we do for your birthday, bro? Nothing.
Yo, the Phillies play the Yankees at 1 o'clock during the act.
You want to go to the game instead of doing the show?
I will.
I'm good.
Yoo-hoo.
We're here.
All right, me and you, Nick.
All right, for Sass's birthday.
For Sass's birthday.
We'll go.
We'll skip the show.
It'll be fun.
You can chill in here.
Yeah.
Do the show.
All right, same time tomorrow?
Why not? same time tomorrow why not same time tomorrow
it's the act it's the act
it's the act
it's the act
it's the act
it's the act Outro Music