The Yak - Congrats To KB, The OFFICIAL Put On Prince | The Yak 1-21-22
Episode Date: January 22, 2022Gary V CatYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the act. It's the act. Yep, yep, yep, yo, yo.
Did we get an air horn?
How's that?
It's a Friday.
It's a Friday, but it feels like Thursday because we got Frank the Tank Fleming in here with us.
Frank doesn't work on Fridays.
I kind of respect
the fuck out of that.
Yeah.
Every Thursday afternoon
he's like,
alright, see you Monday.
See you Monday.
It's like, okay.
In Frank's defense though,
most of the office
doesn't work on Fridays.
Oh shit.
Not so much.
Oh shit.
People like to round up.
Yeah.
They round up from Tuesday.
Yeah.
Tuesday's pretty much Wednesday which is pretty much Thursday.
They're out.
Unless Dave's here on a Friday.
It is so funny when Dave is here versus when he's not.
It's packed to the gills.
When people know Dave's going to be here, it's standing room only.
Yeah.
Like people are like flying in from other states to come to the office.
No, that has happened.
Your carabas pops up.
And they like try to blend in, but they're not quite
sure how. No. They all just
stand near Big Cat's desk.
They actually
do.
Go over right next to your desk.
Oh, man. Some awkward
motherfuckers.
So,
what's up, boys?
I had an eventful morning.
Me too, me too.
You go first.
I promise you I won't one-up you.
I had two events.
I want to hear yours first.
I'll go one, and then you go, and then I'll go again.
I like that.
Okay.
So, my plan was to go to the gym today.
You tweeted it.
Well, I did tweet it.
Yeah.
Walking to my son's school with him, I turned my ankle walking. You tweeted it. I did tweet it. Walking to my son's
school with him, I turned
my ankle walking.
What do you mean you turned it? Rolled.
I rolled it. Almost fell
over with him on my shoulders. Would have been
a disaster.
So instead of going to the gym, I
just went to the diner next to his school
and just ate breakfast.
That's bad.
What do you order?
A couple eggs, some bacon.
Egg whites?
No, fuck that.
I get the yolk.
You just got yolks.
Dude, I just drank that yolk.
So, yeah.
You look genuinely disappointed.
I am.
Well, I rolled my ankle.
What do you want me to do?
It's so easy to get to come up with an excuse.
But I actually rolled my ankle.
It's in a lot of pain right now.
You could have done so many things at the gym with a rolled ankle.
You could have just done a bunch of core exercises.
But the breakfast was nice.
I sat in a booth by myself for like 35 minutes, drank three cups of coffee, had some yolk.
You couldn't tell me what anybody around you was wearing because you were glued to your phone.
There were two people behind me.
There were two guys behind me
probably in their 50s.
Blue collar looking. Towards
the end a woman walked in. Also
the waitress. It was kind of an
awkward thing because it was the first time I'd
gone to that diner and it was
one of those diners you have to pay as
you walk out.
So I sat there with my credit card on the bill for like maybe 15 minutes until I realized what the deal was.
You'd think they'd come over and say something, but I think they just like to prank people.
So, yeah.
No, it's this one.
That one.
Oh, shit.
It's this one.
Yeah, that's pretty fast.
It's a pretty much broken ankle.
Where's Roan? It's a pretty much broken ankle. Where's Roan?
It's a pretty much broken ankle.
All right, so what's your story?
Before KB goes into his story, the camera's not picking it up.
There is a fold in that headwear you're wearing. It's not like a Muslim skull cap.
If we could just show proof of fold.
Get that fold.
Proof of beanie.
Yep, there it is.
It's a beanie.
I think it looks fly.
It does look fly.
I was trying to get a regular size one, and then they're small now.
That is regular size.
That's been the car hard ones that you get, and they go over a foot above your head.
Yeah.
I don't want a happy medium.
So your story?
It was just a funny observation.
Okay.
A homeless guy or homeless adjacent asked this woman if he could use her phone to make
a call and she asked him for collateral in the form of one of his shoes that's really good that
was i'm gonna steal that if it ever happens i like that as collateral yeah he scurried away
yeah yeah wow the hottest thing i've ever seen well it turns you on the big turn on i cower to
the homeless.
Is Greer here?
Yeah.
He had a little running with a homeless person
this morning.
Yeah, he got shafted.
Straight up attacked.
He got shoved.
One of our other editors
got a thermal coffee cup
slapped out of his hands.
He just left it on the ground.
Ah, that's funny.
Yeah, that's on him.
Josh Talagian.
You ever do that to a friend?
Like when you go
maybe get summertime,
you get iced coffees,
you walk out of the store,
just slap it out of their hands.
No.
That would piss me off so much.
You have to go buy them another one, but those like 20 seconds are hilarious.
And they hang out with you again.
Yeah, you just boom.
I've done it to ice cream cones too.
You know going into it you have to go back in to buy it, but it is a very funny thing to do.
I'd highly recommend it.
All right.
An ice cream cone, I feel like, wouldn't be as annoying because I feel like the most annoying part would be the iced coffee hitting the ground and just exploding.
Well, you kind of got to slap it forward.
Into strangers.
Yeah.
It's a very funny thing to do.
I would highly recommend it.
And now you guys will be thinking about it any time we go get coffee.
LA, watch out.
Maybe that will be one of the ping pong balls.
You've got to slap at least one coffee a day.
It should be.
That is good.
Oh, that would be terrifying.
You ever seen those videos where people take someone's phone and they smash it?
Yeah.
And they pull out a brand new iPhone 5 or 12, I guess, these days.
Have you seen the guy that goes and cuts people's headphones
and gives them AirPods?
Yeah.
I would still be so mad.
I'd be so mad.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
But he cut this guy.
He thought they were the ones that come with iPods or iPhones.
And he cut really fucking expensive headphones.
Oh, really?
And gave them cheaper AirPods.
Oh, no. He's like like cheaper AirPods. Oh, no.
He was like, what the fuck?
Goddamn.
Just don't do that.
Don't do that.
I'm tired of Rapscallions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've had it.
They're all over the place.
Yeah.
Because even if it's like, oh, like even if they gave you a new phone or something, it's
like you're still like they didn't want to have that interaction today.
I don't have to fucking pair these things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just a nuisance.
And then my other story was I was so because of my pretty much broken ankle i decided to drive in today and i was driving and it was like one of those city blocks where it was there was like a
someone double parked construction all this shit going on so it was like a there's a one spot that you can go through and like almost a race with the
car coming the other way and i got in the spot and the other car got to the spot and i'm not
joking we sat there for like two and a half minutes just screaming at each other refusing
for the other one to back up why it was you were in the spot i was in the spot and he he he pulled out
rolled down his window he's insisting i could have waited finally someone the double parker moved
so neither of us had to give up but it was a thrilling like confrontation would you have
given up no no i was i was willing to sit there for as long as it took. Was he? I think so.
Admirable opponent.
Yeah, no, he was, it was, it's just fun.
Did you guys exchange numbers after?
We were just screaming at each other.
Yeah.
Fuck you, fuck you, no fuck you, you move, no fuck you, you move.
It was great.
That is great. Yeah, that is fun.
What was he hoping would happen?
How big of a pussy would you have to be to be like, all right, yeah, I'm going to back
out and leave.
Yeah, right.
But he was, in his defense.
He thought he had the power to create that pussy.
In his defense, he was kind of in the same spot.
Like, I kept on being like, back up.
He's like, nope, not going to back up.
How often do you guys raise your voice at a stranger?
I don't think I ever have.
Never.
It's so much fun when you get in those.
I've talked about it before, but I guess this one was maybe a borderline
because you always got to be careful
with car stuff because i feel like there's just a chance someone's just gonna pull a gun and like
step out and yeah fuck you but uh like the interactions that you can have yeah like that
old remember that really old video with the family and like the range rover yeah motorcycles are just
yes yes that was on FDR.
But yeah, there's like that feeling of getting in a confrontation with someone where you know there's not really a threat of any physical.
Like it's not going to get physical, but you just get in like a yelling match.
That will give you adrenaline for the rest of the day.
Like my ankle doesn't hurt anymore because it was actually the best medicine.
Yeah. Adrenaline. Nothing gives you more adrenaline than like almost getting in a crash. Yeah. Oh my ankle doesn't hurt anymore because of it was actually the best medicine. Yeah. Adrenaline. Nothing gives
you more adrenaline than like almost getting in a crash.
Yeah. Oh my god. And then you just sit
in silence. That's way more effective than
like. Yeah. That's like the equivalent of a
not even like more than a fiver of Vicodin.
Yeah. Probably a tenner.
Yeah. Of just like a really
good. I remember one
I got one at the airport. This
woman tried to cut the entire line because she
said that she was late for her flight and i was like okay well you can't cut me like i we all got
here at the right time you just and we just yelled at each other in the tsa line it was fucking
awesome it's great it's great to have like to take a stand for which you really don't care about like
i think my flight was an hour and a half away. Yeah. And I was like,
no, you cannot cut me.
Yeah, I don't think
I've ever gotten
any, like,
real yelling
altercations in person.
Yeah, you gotta get,
you gotta earn your stripes.
You shouldn't really
show emotions in public.
No.
That bothers me.
Yeah.
Positive or negative,
especially positive.
Outside public,
you should just be
You shouldn't be, like,
visibly
Positively
Like happy in public
Ever
You shouldn't be like humming
Whistling
I sing
All the time
I started doing that
When you're walking
All the time
Really?
With your headphones in?
I'll sing full songs
No you don't
I hate when people sing
I hate when people
Lightly sing in public
Yes they do
You know who like doesn't care? Everyone The people sing. I hate when people lightly sing in public. Yes, they do. You know who doesn't care?
Everyone.
The people who you're talking to.
But it feels so performative.
When people sing to themselves on the subway.
What's it doing for you?
It's like to sing.
You're masking a deep-rooted insecurity.
You don't sing.
I've never sang.
Nick's never sang.
It's like the equivalent to singing in a car, but they can't drive here.
But you have your headphones in.
Do you hear your voice?
No.
A little bit.
Don't get it.
I don't get it.
I've been doing that for years.
I don't understand singing in general.
I don't get why you do it.
It's cathartic.
I've never sang.
Universal.
And I never will.
Don't act like it's some art debate.
What?
Singing.
You're the only one who thinks that. Yeah, so what? I'm unique, I guess? Don't act like it's some art debate. What? Singing.
You're the only one who thinks that.
Yeah, so what?
I'm unique, I guess?
Sorry?
That's why I'll never be the put-on prince.
What are you talking about?
If you want to be the put-on prince, you have to swallow some pride.
No, I'm going to put people on to not singing.
Let's see if that works.
That's going to be a tough one.
No, it's going to be so easy because they're going to be like, yeah, why do I do this? Singing can turn your life into a blind fool.
And no one can say they didn't put on to that.
You have to wait at least a year to be like, oh, yeah, I haven't sang in a year.
No, it depends on how often the person sings.
If you're a daily singer and you don't sing for a week.
All right, see if you can do that to somebody.
What kind of music are you listening to?
That's probably why you can't sing because you're listening to heavy metal.
Yeah, I guess so.
I guess some people are walking down the street screaming.
That'll be... Oh, that guy's having...
Oh, I love that song.
That's funny.
Try it.
I'm listening to strictly sing-alongs.
Nah.
Give up singing for a week.
No.
Your beard will come in thicker.
You lose a lot of tea singing.
Trust me.
There's no song you just love to sing along to?
No, I don't understand why people would sing.
That's so inhuman.
Yeah.
I don't get it.
That's a problem.
You don't get music.
No, I love music, but I don't get why I would sing.
Big Cat, do you sing?
Sometimes in the shower. What? You don't sing why I would sing. Big Cat, do you sing? Sometimes in the shower.
What?
You don't sing when you're driving?
Driving a little, yeah, maybe.
When I go on a road trip or something, I sing the entire way.
For like four hours straight.
Yes, me too.
Every single song.
It doesn't change anything.
Yes, it does.
It's way more enjoyable.
Don't you love it?
Say you're watching a live performance and then the crowd just booms the lyrics.
No, I hate that.
I hate anything in sequence.
That's not satisfying to you?
No, I hate anything in sequence.
I don't like anything in sequence.
Why would you cheer at a game?
Why would you do anything?
That's excitement.
That's what singing is.
There's no surprises in a song that I know.
Sometimes there are.
Oh, I didn't catch that lyric the first 600 times I heard this song.
I like to just sing and know that the words are wrong.
Really?
Just go hard.
People get so mad.
Oh, so mad.
Yeah.
So mad.
Sometimes I'll sing and I'll have the lyrics up too.
Oh, you're just doing kiddo?
You're just studying.
Got it.
Yeah.
And it's fun.
It's awesome.
I'm never going to sing.
You read books.
Yes.
How is that less studying than what we're doing?
I don't memorize it.
Try it.
Try memorizing lyrics to a song.
I know lyrics.
And once you get it down, I guarantee it'll be a blast.
I know a ton of lyrics.
Then what do you do?
Do you sing them to yourself?
Have you ever seen the video
of the Harvard baseball team
singing Call Me Maybe?
I'm not watching that.
That's a classic.
I'm not watching that.
What about Huey Max Remix,
Fuck Me Maybe?
Or Fuck Me Baby?
I like Huey.
I like Huey too.
When you're listening to a song,
there's no part of you
that wants to sing along.
You're not even singing along in your head?
Yeah, I'm singing along in my head.
I'm thinking of the lyrics.
Wait, what song do you think you know every single lyric to?
Probably all of them.
So when you hear that song, you don't even...
I'm not singing.
No, I'm not singing.
You hate yourself so much you won't even sing along to the lyrics.
You need the privacy of your own home.
You're showering by yourself.
You're so disgusted by yourself. You didn't sing at Friday Vibes? No. No, you did the privacy of your own home. You're showering by yourself. Absolutely not singing. You're so disgusted by yourself.
You didn't sing at Friday Vibes?
No.
No, you didn't.
Pull up his tapes.
Hopefully you don't get
the ping pong ball
that will be one karaoke song
on a show.
Have you ever done karaoke?
I've gone to karaoke bars.
I've never seen him,
now that I think about it,
I've never seen him sing.
Nobody's ever seen me sing.
Karaoke is like
the funnest thing to do.
Do you know what my favorite karaoke song
to do is? La Bamba?
Rocket Man? Oh, that's a good one.
You just get up there and everyone's like,
what the fuck is this guy doing?
And you just nail it.
And everyone cheers. It's awesome.
I usually do hyper pop.
Yeah, like 100 gecks.
That's a lot of gecks.
That's a shitload of gecks.
Every time I go places with Roan, we always go to karaoke bars.
And I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out what my song is going to be.
I do sail by the wall.
You've got to have some in your back pocket.
Yeah.
Yeah, you actually do.
You can't just spring it on somebody. No. You need to be mentally prepared when you get up there. You've got to look at the menu before you get there. Yeah. Yeah, you actually do. You can't just spring it on somebody.
No.
You need to be mentally prepared when you get up there.
You gotta look at the menu before you get there.
Yeah.
I'll sing with you boys this weekend.
Fuck it.
No, you won't.
Hell yeah, baby.
Wait.
A blowout.
Whoa.
Let's do, let's spin the wheel for it.
Let's spin the wheel for it.
Yep, yep.
Chipping away.
Nah, spin the wheel for it.
Upset alert. Spin the wheel for it. Let's spin the wheel for it. Yep, yep. Chipping away. Nah, spin the wheel for it. Up settlers.
Spin the wheel.
Okay, yeah.
What, best of seven?
Okay.
Who's to put on Prince?
All right.
It's me.
And I put a lot of people on the lap.
Wait, can you make the wheel, like, can you put someone in the wheel?
I put y'all onto the wheel.
They have, like, a 10% chance of winning?
Ooh.
Oh, whoa.
Yeah, can you adjust odds?
You can put me to 20 and I'll still win.
You won't?
No, you won't.
Yeah, I will.
All right, so do, you know what?
Do three, and two of them are Nick,
and one of them's KB.
Ah.
And y'all should give Hyper Pop a chance.
They actually put one.
If you win this, this will be incredible.
They put one in. I have to. I swear to you guys, this will be incredible. They put one in Euphoria.
I swear to you guys,
I have to quit.
All right, here we go.
Best of seven?
Try Laura Les Haunted.
It was just in the latest episode
of Euphoria.
You're trying too hard.
That's a good introduction
to Hyper Pop.
Now Laura Les is lit.
Oh, TJ knew.
Thank you, TJ.
Oh, TJ.
Put on Prince.
All right, here we go.
Best of seven.
Oh, fuck. You're putting... KB said here we go. Best of seven. Oh, fuck.
You're putting...
KB said that he could win it with...
I know, and I believe him.
I'm that confident.
Oh, fuck.
God damn it.
Oh, man.
One for KB.
If you fucking win this...
I don't want this to happen so bad.
This is for the official put on prints.
Oh.
All right, I'll give you one.
Oh.
What the fuck, boys?
America's ruling for KB.
It's a classic underdog story.
Yeah.
I think I am, too.
KB.
Give it to him.
Two-one.
How many does he need?
4?
4 The points
The points
I like the clapping
KB again
This guy
3
Just need one more KB
The thing I love the most is betraying me
KB and the real
Oh Jesus Christ
KB
Almost a clean sweep
The put on prince
Put on prince
Just kicked your ass
Don't sacrilege
Don't say the pop's name in vain And that's calling Nick the pop Don't sacrilege Don't say the pop's name in vain
And that's calling Nick the pop
Don't do it
That's an instant block
All of us will block you
Fuck
That was really embarrassing for me
That was crazy
4-1
Something's real fucky
And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it
It's all mental
The wheel is all mental
You just gotta believe
You knew you couldn't win
He is the put on prince
Love it
Love this guy
Pete Pete has never put anybody on to anything And vice versa Love it. That sucks. Love this guy. Pete!
Pete has never put anybody on to anything.
And vice versa.
What? Pete put me on to triple masking.
Has he ever been put on to anything?
Sit down, eat that donut.
He's been put on to everything.
Eat the donut.
No opinions of his own.
Yeah, I don't think he's ever put anybody on.
And part of being the prince is that you're so perceptible to getting put on yourself.
You encourage other people to put you on.
Like Owen, every time he posts a song to his Instagram story, I'm listening.
I'm listening to him and the song.
Yeah.
I hear you.
Did I put you on a Taz?
No.
Damn.
We're at first, and then you're like, yeah.
No, I have a lot of Taz stuff.
I was like, Big Cat might be the put-on prince.
There's no better feeling than putting on the put-on prince.
It's true.
Which I encourage them to try.
Something everyone should strive for, honestly.
That is the best feeling in the world.
I want to stage a coup.
Don't.
You can't stop a coup.
It's the nature of the coup.
I know what...
No, I know I can't.
Can you start a coup?
I can try to start a coup.
I'm not going to tell you how to try to start a coup.
Then you'll be starting your own coups.
Moron.
It's actually already begun.
What is the cardboard wrap on a cup of coffee?
It's called a zarf.
Z-A-R-F.
I put you onto that.
Now you've been telling you've been flirting with baristas across the fucking country.
You did put me onto that.
And then you go in, you're just like, hey, can I get an extra zarf?
Yeah.
And it's gotten you laid.
I didn't believe you at first.
It is the actual term.
Yeah.
You put Nick onto fucking raw.
I remember that. Wait, you can do that?
It was over quarantine.
We're bored as hell.
Put me on my back.
Fuck me raw Fasoli
Is starting a new project
Where we read mean comments about us
I don't know if I can say this
But all my mean comments
Were about how you fuck me
Every single one People love to speculate That makes them I can say this. Yeah, you can. But all my mean comments were about how you fuck me.
Every single one.
People love to speculate.
That makes them.
Yeah.
By default.
By default.
Yeah, they all think you're gay.
Yeah, brother.
Free agent goof. Yeah, they really, really do.
I was looking at you guys' Reddit, and it's always Nick's the gay one, right?
Oh, he's got a very straight dad.
Yeah, those guys.
They are theemingly straight father
That's the gayest
That
Every post is like
You're gay
Yeah
They're gay
Ain't a subreddit
It's a weird place
Disgusting
I've been on reddit
More than twitter lately
Unless they're calling you
Yeah you've been posting
Now
Just scrolling
Saw a video yesterday
Of a bear attacking
This dude's dog.
Oh, okay, so not about you.
I was going to say you've somehow found a place to get even meaner comments.
No, Reddit's just like it's better.
There's not as much bullshit on it.
You just go to what you want.
Right, unless you go to a selected subreddit that's like,
I don't think there's anything better about seek things out that are about you, then...
There's objectively more bullshit on Reddit.
What?
There's never been...
There's objectively more bullshit on Reddit.
There's also never been...
But I feel like I don't follow enough things, so I'm just getting the popular posts.
Yeah.
There's never been a subreddit about something that should be people being the fan of that
that doesn't turn into they hate everything about the piece.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Do you just go on the Discover page?
Yeah, like OP. Yeah, go to popular. You don't go on the Discover page? Yeah, like Opie.
You don't have an account or anything? No, I do.
Oh, okay. I just quit looking at it.
Are you most wasted? Yeah, it was like an automated
name. Oh, shit, dude. That would freak
me out so bad if a bear started coming at my
dog. Yeah, so, okay, can we
are those bear cubs in the beginning?
No, those are wiener dogs.
But no, because then there's another dog. He has another dog.
This is what I watched.
Why did he immediately go low?
He's a wrestler.
And then this guy tweets, you guys can pay $2,400 in New York.
I'll gladly take my $500 in Minneapolis.
Oh, B-Dub.
Oh, wow. B-Dub. Oh, wow.
B-Dub looking for that clout.
But I don't think, did the second dog get away?
Oh, yeah, he did.
He did.
You can see him in the bottom left scurry away.
The best video of, like, animal, have you ever seen the one where the dude, where the, it's like a mountain lion or something?
Or, I forget what it is, in the car.
Where they walk back with it for like six minutes?
No.
I hate those hiking mountain lion videos.
Scare me.
Dude, mountain lions are terrifying.
No, it's, uh.
I hate when people act comfortable around them.
Yeah.
Mountain lions will fuck you up.
Yeah.
With no hesitation.
Yeah.
There's like nothing you can do about them either. Because they'll just sneak attack you. And rip your eyes out. Yeah. No hesitation. There's like nothing you can do about them either.
Because they'll just sneak attack you.
Rip your eyes out.
Yeah.
Go right for the eyes.
Have you ever heard them scream?
I don't want to be a wheel show anymore.
High pitch, right?
Oh, yeah.
Weird.
Super scary.
It sounds like an old lady screaming.
Oh, yeah.
I don't like that at all.
Have you ever heard one while you're hiking no
oh shit my pants if that happened i did see a paw print of one though
of what of a mountain lion so mountain lion black bear gorilla would rank though
the scariest mountain lion imagine seeing a gorilla in the woods. Yeah, like what are you doing?
You go to Central Park and there's just a gorilla?
That would create a new human emotion.
That's very funny.
It's horrifying.
You know you're going to die.
And a little bit of awe. That is the only thing that could invoke all of that.
A very unique emotion.
It's never been experienced.
Oh, what would be the weirdest animal to see in Central Park?
Probably like a whale.
Polar bear.
A whale.
A whale.
Yeah.
A polar bear.
Polar bear.
Maybe like a.
Imagine a whale out of water.
An elephant.
Even if it was dead, I would.
Real far away from you.
How about that whale video?
Can you find out? Find the whale video of it exploding?
That would be a really good prank to just get a dead orca and plop her right in the fucking...
Somewhere in the state.
Whale carcasses explode because of all the gas in them.
Did a bird drop this?
Actually, no.
This one they blew up with dynamite and it fucked up everyone's car.
That's like one of the oldest internet videos.
Exploding whale carcasses. This is a different one. That's like one of the oldest internet videos. Exploding whale compilation.
This is a different one.
Damn, dude. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, they are.
It's crazy.
This one's going to explode?
It's a compilation?
We need to start planting river whales.
Oh, no. Is this one going to explode?
Planting river whales?
Wait, is this one going to explode?
It better not.
Holy shit.
Imagine a beached river. Oh, boy is this one going to explode? It better not. Holy shit. Imagine a beached river.
Oh, is that a swim bladder?
Oh, boy.
Is this going to explode?
Is this Lake Shark keep duck?
It's not going to explode?
Oh.
Oh, they dropped it.
Oh, they dropped it.
Ew, that's gross.
Gross.
2017 was a huge year for exploding whales
They're all smiling
What is he having?
It just exploded blood
Oh, here we go
This one's gonna be gross
Well, you have to do this or else they will
Why does that happen?
We're back to a clip show
This just gave me a gender reveal idea
Oh, fuck Ew I hate that I hate that too A gender reveal idea.
Oh, fuck.
Ew.
Oh, I hate that.
I hate that, too.
Intestines give me the heebie-jeebies.
Yeah, it's gross.
Yeah.
Isn't it like the small intestine stretches out like 30 feet?
I think that's the... Yeah, it is the small.
You're right.
Yeah, the large is wider.
Why do they do this?
The gas inside of them, it'll expand once they're out of water and they're dying in the heat.
So this would be a more controlled...
You can die.
Oh!
No, I'm done.
That was the craziest thing.
That looks like people escaping from it.
That is so insane.
Big Cat, you gotta watch that one.
It looks like the miners. That is so insane. Big Cat, you got to watch that one.
I need a timeline cleanse.
Can we go to Rex?
Let's see what he's got for my eyes.
Rex on CNN.
All right.
Wait, let's guess what Rex's latest tweet is.
I bet you he has the black bear on the porch.
Yeah, definitely.
Lexington, Phoenix, Brooklyn. That's pinned.
One minute ago.
Yeah, of course.
All right, I don't even know what the fuck that is.
Rex has let me down.
How many?
He's only 219 K tweets.
Tweeters like that love.
I was so mad that Rex didn't do blocker charge for that motorcycle crash oh my god watch it yeah i watched every other angle too there was a surveillance angle
what i didn't see it there was actually i actually saw a hilarious tweet there was like a there was
an angle of surveillance from the store where you can see the guy fly in the air.
We probably shouldn't.
We shouldn't show this.
We shouldn't show it.
There's a guy dying.
It's one of those ones that if you feel comfortable looking at it, look for it, look for it.
But it was like a cop standing next to the guy's dead body, just pouring blood.
I mean, he crashed at 100 miles an hour.
He flew, like, 200 feet in the air.
And the response right below was, it's so fucked up, the police aren't even trying CPR.
That's hilarious.
They're like, he doesn't even have a chest anymore to try CPR on.
Who's tweeted that?
Was it Portly?
No.
They love CPR. Who? Portly? Was it Portly? No. They love CPR.
Portly people love CPR.
They just think that's their last saving grace.
It's a skill that you can have that doesn't require
any...
Oh, I thought you meant Portly people
like CPR because they're like, I'll just eat myself
to death and someone will CPR me back
to life. I think it's because they like
to learn it and do it.
Oh, I thought you meant it's like their last get out of jail free card.
I'll have a heart attack, but CPR.
They're good at it because they can put the weight into it.
And it's just like, I don't know, it's like their version of being a lifeguard.
Yeah.
Greer, his best friend, found a head and he called the police and they were like, are
you sure it's the person's head?
It's just a head.
Wait, what?
He found a head?
He found a solo head with no body?
Where was this?
Perfectly cut off with, like, wire cutters.
He was driving under a bridge.
So the guy, like, is he dead?
No.
That was the crazy part.
Yeah.
Put it back?
Yeah.
Ew.
That's, like, one of the last things I'd want to find.
Really? I don to find. Really?
I don't think.
What?
A penis.
Yeah.
Because that's scary and gay.
God damn it.
I got a report.
You call the cop and he tells you.
A man's cock.
You knew it was a full grown man's cock.
You count the rings.
He was 42. He works with balls. You count the rings, he was 42.
He works with balls.
You call the cop, he tells you to pause.
Yeah.
Hold up, hold up.
The end of it, it's not like a gash.
It skinned over like a nub.
So it's just a cock.
So you're not sure if it belonged to a person or if it was just like an independent cock.
Cocked and ran free.
Escaped from the lab.
Yeah. The the lab. Yeah.
The penis lab.
Had a break in.
How did it get to that point?
That'd be a pretty bad thing to find.
Look up top 10 solo cock discoveries.
Watchmojo.com.
Oh, man.
Oh, Wood.
Oh, yeah.
I used it this morning.
Yeah?
So talk about it then.
As did I.
Really?
Yeah.
Fresh tracks.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oak Moss and Pink Pepper.
Very good.
Kyle?
Yeah.
Which one?
Good job, Kyle.
What's the one that smells like wood?
Like actual wood.
Like cedar.
Fresh tracks, that's oak moss and pink pepper.
That's my favorite.
So are you going to do the ones you had?
Yeah, I thought you.
Oh, I used the golden hour this morning.
All over my fucking body.
With wood, you'll look your best, smell your best, and feel your best.
Now all you have to do is live your best.
Shop getwood.com or go to your local CVS.
We got it next week.
Pick a time where we get our entire list of Super Bowl stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because we like, for instance, the hot dog review.
We got to get a hot dog costume.
We got to buy it, have it ready to go.
I'm very excited now.
Me too.
I'm super excited.
I was trying to think of the ideas we already came up with last night,
and I was blanking so hard.
Have you been writing them down?
Yeah.
You have? Yeah.
Oh, okay. Can we read out what we have so far? And I added shoes on the wrong
feet. Oh.
That's a tough one.
How about, ooh, how about instead
of shoes on the wrong feet?
I thought that was too twisted. How about you have to
because I'm going to be wearing thong sandals.
In and around the hour before
during the show and the hour after, you can only have rollerblades on.
Oh, fuck.
Put that on.
That's not that.
I would love that.
That would be funny.
Yeah.
If we just have a dude in rollerblades on every show.
Remember that week where Nate was rollerblading to work?
Yeah.
And he'd just be rolling up, blading around the office.
Dude, I once bought a pair of rollerblades uh
it was probably around 2014 and i was like i'm gonna just start rollerblading in the summer and
like that will be a good workout and i went and i started rollerblading and a stoolie saw me and i
immediately went home and just threw him out i was like like, I can't do this. I can't do this.
Like, what's up, big cat?
Like, I was just rollerblading, like, on a Tuesday afternoon.
Where's the most inopportune place you've been recognized?
Oh.
Like, have you ever gone to a new doctor?
Yeah, I did get – I got recognized at going to, like, when a woman is pregnant, you go for, like, routine checkups.
Okay. So that was kind of awkward.
Sitting in the waiting room.
Just being like, okay.
Yeah, I wouldn't let...
What are we going to do now?
Yeah, where do we go from here?
Good luck with your pregnancy.
I'd like to think that guy you were arguing with today.
Was it Stooley?
Yeah, you were.
He just hated me.
That would be awesome if the video came out. Of us video came out of you just in your car screaming at him.
It was thrilling, man.
I really do love it.
Again, back of my mind, I should probably start maybe carrying a weapon in my car.
I just gave a big-ass blade to Greer this morning.
Yeah?
He lives above the fucking Port Authority.
So?
That's a really bad spot.
It's like the worst spot
in the city.
What does the Port Authority do?
They just
they're just in charge
of the ports?
The Port Authority
is a bus station.
The Port Authority
is a different breed
of homeless.
Yes.
Owen said it was generational.
So how good is his
homeless grandfather?
You can end up
at Penn Station
or Times Square
if you have a bad life
you get addicted to drugs
you're born into the
Port Authority.
They're like a clique of homeless The Port Authority is way worse.
It is, yeah.
Why does he live above it?
That whole area is the worst.
Cheap rent.
How cheap is it?
Not cheap enough for what's happening.
That's the thing.
I could live above the Port Authority
because I don't go anywhere at night on the weekend.
He also gets a locked out routine.
Yeah, like he comes back late on a Friday night drunk.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Andy shaved his mustache off today, so he just has an Amish beard.
He looks horrible.
He looks really good.
It's a Greer show, man.
Yeah, that's what I meant.
He's always like...
It's a Greer show.
We'll be going to hang out, and he'll be like, I got to wait a couple minutes.
There's a crazy fight happening outside my apartment.
That's cool.
You should start taking video of it.
I know.
All right. But now I'm bl of it. I know. All right.
But now I'm bladeless.
I just announced that.
You guys could check me at any time.
You don't have your blade?
I gave it to Greer.
I want to get some pepper spray.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's a real pussy move.
I know, but it's like...
You pepper spray?
I would love to see a video of his ass.
Like having...
Pepper spray like a 17-year-old dollar and he just whips it out.
Holt!
Wouldn't you rather pepper spray someone than stabbing them?
I don't think that's the option.
You pull out the knife.
That's not binary.
I could pepper spray you from here.
Yeah, but you could also stun gun someone.
Or you could just walk away.
But just like having the knife, you pull it out.
It's over. How big is the blade or it's an illegal blade how really you could you could call it uh it's a dagger the other option it's got a dragon on the hilt you could be big enough and tall
enough that people don't fuck with you now the bigger and taller you are the more they because
they like that they like they like a competition They like the challenge. They like the competition.
Wrong.
You haven't been around the Port Authority.
No.
I could go.
They'd be salivating at your big ass. I'd go to the Port Authority right now.
When was the last time you've been in Hell's Kitchen?
I'd go to the Port Authority right now, and they'd all be like, what do you need from us?
No.
Big Cat's right.
Yeah.
Port Authority homeless, they go after the women and children.
They do.
They do.
The bigger a guy is.
They're pushing people onto the tracks.
It's insane
that this is just
a thing that happens.
And then like the subways
have been awful lately.
And you can just
hop the turnstile
and then go push
somebody on the tracks
and you're good.
And then they just disappear
and nothing happens to them.
Well, it's just like
it's a $100 fine.
You're like,
I don't have that.
They're like,
all right, damn it.
Yeah.
Get out of here.
The guy,
this guy who's pushing
people onto the...
He's been just harassing people for 12 years.
Yeah.
And everyone knows him.
He's like, yeah, that's a guy that spits and pushes women and children.
So it's...
Then he hops in.
He was here first.
Pushes somebody into...
He pushes them into the...
Yeah, I got that.
They die.
I understand that.
He was here first.
It's the same as the mountain lion.
You're in their territory.
Has he left?
No, he's been there for 12 years.
Yeah, so unless he leaves and calls, you know,
I would respect...
10 minutes.
If Eric Adams was like, yeah, that's how it is.
It's dog eat dog.
Don't get pushed on the tracks.
Is Eric Adams our new mayor?
I would respect him way more.
Is he the mayor now?
Has he been sworn in?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Why are people mad?
How are you so sure?
He's the mayor of the city I live in.
When did he get sworn in?
I missed it.
Not too long ago.
I don't know.
Really?
People are mad he's using his brother as his security.
Oh, yeah.
That makes so much sense to me.
He what?
Fake lived in Brooklyn?
I don't know. He's the one that's like new york's gonna beat covid with swagger it's kind of right yeah why
didn't we think of that he did say that no but is he the guy there was that one guy who was running
for mayor who like yang everyone was like he lives in new jersey like we know he lives in new jersey
and then he went oh i think all of them. Yeah, but he did a press conference
outside of his house in Brooklyn
and they went in and everyone was like,
yeah, this isn't lived in.
No way.
I think it was him.
Politicians are fine.
Why are mayors always such losers?
Politicians are the weirdest
people in the world.
To be like, I want to have this job, you have to have something mentally wrong with you.
Yeah.
And the higher up you go, the more it is.
I'm addicted to power.
I want more.
God, we need...
We're having the days.
Let me see if this is what happened here.
We need an incel mayor.
Yeah.
David Dinkins.
Who's that?
He passed recently.
He was a former mayor.
Was he an insult?
Yes.
He did not fuck.
Have you guys ever seen the mayor?
How do you know?
David Dinkins?
You think that name fucked?
The mayor, he was like 20 years old at the time, Max, 22, and he became the mayor of
Fall River, where fights grew up.
No.
He has a Quibi mini-duck on him.
Wait, he's a 22-year-old mayor? He's a 22-year-old up? No. He has a Quibi mini-duck on him. Wait, he's a 22-year-old mayor?
Yeah, he just like lied and made everything up.
That's like a decent-sized city, right?
And spent it on himself, on cars and apartments.
Oh, yeah.
So this is Eric Adams.
They staked out his house.
Some reporters staked out his house in Brooklyn.
Everybody in that situation is a weird loser seven
reporters taking shifts hiding out in a rented
gray Nissan center with Florida plates
parked directly across the street from
his building the plan was to be on the
block overnight from Monday through Thursday
during the first week of early voting
let's see what
is
I do he kind of it was kind of cool when he was like
yeah you're not you women
aren't afraid in the subway
you just have the perception of fear
oh fuck
somebody just proved me wrong we have a song
on Spotify
oh yeah you sang
in a song yeah
oh fuck
except okay that was the one time.
You didn't really sing.
I didn't really sing.
I spoke.
Spoke over beats.
It was, yeah, a written poem.
It was a spoken word, yeah.
I want to spin the wheel for something.
I need to get my swagger back.
It's been yanked from me.
What can we spin the wheel over?
There's the boys.
I love all of those guys to death equally.
Wish I had a more vibrant color.
Gray.
It fits.
Anything salmon color? What's playing? Wardrobe? gray it fits there we go anything salmon
color
wait
what's playing
wardrobe
burn it
oh this is us
talking to Chet Hanks
oh we don't need
to see me sing
no
stop damn
no no
I actually despise
watching this
changes
back to the wheel
thank you
it's Chet
that cost me
$1500
That I never got back
And now
He's selling like workout plans
$300 a week
And he texts you non-stop
Dude and it's like
His whole plan
He just texts you exercise
No he texts you like
Motivational things
I mean it's kind of worth it
His workout plan
Is just pushups
$300 a week
And burpees From him If it was like funnyups. 300 a week from him, if it was funny.
300 what a week?
For Chet Hanks' mindfulness program.
Oh, my God.
If you were Tom Hanks, wouldn't you be like,
here, Chet, here's $30 million.
Just go away.
He got cut off because he's on drugs.
But that's what I would have done it.
I think Tom Hanks probably doesn't even think about it.
Because he has a house on the ocean of Venice Beach that's like 88% just glass.
Chet Hanks will be fine, though.
It's very glassy.
Chet Hanks will like wither away.
Like he'll disappear again.
This has happened multiple times.
Like the first time that I saw him was when Tom Hanks got COVID.
Oh, okay.
Allegedly.
He was in jail.
Was he in jail?
Tom Hanks?
Yeah.
I don't know.
That was the big QAnon thing that they didn't have COVID.
They were actually in jail for being pedophiles.
What?
Really?
They broke down.
They're under house arrest for being pedophiles.
They don't actually have go.
Didn't they, like, zoom in on the ankle and they were like, can't you see the lump of, like, the house arrest bracelet?
Because most convicted pedophiles only have house arrest for two weeks.
And then they're free.
It's possible.
It was the whole thing.
It was quite a bad part of our-
All parties just get grounded for two weeks.
What a terrible time period.
I mean, we're still in it, but yeah.
He was like...
Although QAnon's done, right?
That period.
Isn't QAnon like the...
No.
The gig is up?
I don't think that's going to end.
That period was the worst
because it had Gal Gadot singing to us
and everybody was banging fucking pots and pans
when nurses were getting off of work.
It was so lame.
They had to have been
so fucking annoyed.
They were like,
alright, eight people died
on my watch today.
I just want a nice
quiet walk home.
The pots and pans
was like the quintessential
annoying sound.
Yeah.
And everyone was doing it
for a long time.
The woman next to my apartment
bought drumsticks
and she was just hitting
the fucking mailbox.
Were you banging them? Nick Cannon. For the nurses, we're going to get some sty drumsticks, and she was just hitting the fucking mailbox. Were you banging them?
Nick Cannon.
For the nurses, we're going to get some styrofoam and rub it together.
We're all going to scratch on shock boards.
That was a wild time.
It was crazy.
New York was like a barren wasteland.
We need all the stoolies to make some noise when we leave work at 2.30.
I want you to go outside. Every day
Rico doesn't throw a can at someone's
face. He should be applauded.
Yeah, that was crazy.
And people were like beeping their horns
and stuff. Oh, everything. Every single
day. Loud. And they did it for like
10 minutes, 15 minutes.
Too long. And for weeks.
For weeks? Months? And for weeks. For weeks?
Months?
When did everyone decide to stop?
It slowly faded out.
There was definitely a time when there was...
There's still some one dude out there at 5 o'clock just banging him to death, crying his eyes out.
Excuse me, Sass.
You're showing that you're not a New Yorker.
It was 7 p.m. was when the shift ended.
I thought it was 5.
No, 7, wasn't it? It was 7. 7. Shit. Or was 7pm was when the shift ended. I thought it was 5. No, it was 7, wasn't it?
7. Shit.
Or was it like 6?
It was still light out.
It was also spring. There was actually no time
and nobody knew.
Nurses don't all just
They were working.
Nurses' offices closed.
It's just all time. I think it was 7.
Yeah, because aren't there,
like, there's people that
have, like, night shifts
at hospitals.
Yeah, no, they would go,
the seven is when
the shift changed.
Oh, okay.
So they wake up
in the morning, too?
We were actually applauding
for both coming and going.
It was the passing of the guard.
If you were under the knife
for surgery,
they would run home,
hear the pots and pans,
go back, finish up.
Okay.
They would, like,
dudes were wearing
their scrubs to bars.
Yes.
The outdoor seating, and people would go up and kiss their feet.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
What did you even do today?
What did you do today?
They're like a school nurse.
Yeah.
What did you do?
Save somebody's life?
Yeah, thank you so much, man.
They did that?
I have no idea.
You went to a rave in the middle of the pandemic yeah it was i remember that it was like wasn't i supposed to go with you deep into the pandemic was that the one
that we went that i went to you i went with you and then the tickets were like 400 or some shit
and kb was like fuck it i'll buy yours i was like, fuck it, I'll buy yours. I was like, dude,
I don't want to go.
They made you put like stickers
over your phone camera
or something?
We had to give our phones.
Really?
No, it was,
this was like actually,
It was inside.
Underground.
That's sick as fuck, dude.
Did you have any drugs?
No.
You just went to it?
Just sweaty.
Just fat and sweaty.
You're skinny now, though.
My boy's looking hot.
Yeah.
Why not for long?
I'm getting bored.
You got to change it up.
Are you going to challenge?
It would be funny
if you just did
like six month periods
where you change
100 pounds.
Like you were,
what are you right now?
I can't do 100.
I'm 148.
It would also be funny if it was like wintertime, you're 148.
Summertime, you're 200.
That's when you bulk.
That's the pace I'm at.
I'm at peak shape and it's the winter.
That makes no sense.
I'm going to get bored with it very soon.
Damn.
Then you're just going to turn back to the bottle?
The bottle and just not working out.
The bottle.
That's a true alcoholic.
Yep.
Be like, go back to the bottle.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
It's right there.
I bet it tastes so good.
It looks so good.
Let's get loose.
Just chug the whole thing.
What is that?
It's Gosling rum.
It's rum. Yeah.ug the whole thing. What is that? It's gosling rum. It's rum.
Yeah.
Not quite my tempo.
Well, you don't have a tempo because you're under 21.
That's right.
That is true.
Diet Coke is my tempo.
Yep.
It's delicious, too.
Love a good DC.
How about low-key, by the way?
Yesterday, Frank, like...
You mean that he drinks one glass of water a day?
No, people who think that Frank is, like, not aware when we did the quiz and he was, like, probably tries too hard to be funny.
Yeah.
I was like, damn, Frank.
But how did he not get Kevin?
I know.
Made no sense.
He's not Michael Scott.
No.
No.
Nothing about him is Michael Scott.
Maybe the sing-songy The sing-songy
Big Ev
Half day
Checking out
It's crazy how few people are here on a Friday
That now
The office is empty
Yes that was it
The spider's here
Do you think you could go get ten people?
Probably not
Upstairs
The editor's half is full
Oh yeah the editor's Some in ten people They grind I think we should I think you could go get 10 people. Probably not. Upstairs. The editor's half is full. Oh, yeah.
The editor's.
Summing 10 people.
They grind.
Yeah.
I think we should.
I think we're, what, like eight minutes away?
Should we spin the wheel to then just leave one person left?
Let someone finish it off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, don't even replace.
So not like yesterday.
Fuck.
We're not going to replace.
It's going to be.
I'm the last.
And the last person has to do five minutes solo.
Okay. Yeah. All right. It's going to be. I'm the last. And the last person has to do five minutes solo. Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Yep.
Five minutes solo.
I'm going to go.
Oh, we got everyone.
Okay.
This better be me.
Let's fucking go.
God damn it.
All right.
See you, Sass.
See you, man.
Don't spin it yet again.
I'll catch you around.
This is the one person who would have had like five.
Yeah, I know.
This is the one person who has five minutes.
Don't spin again. Let's wait a second. Yeah, the one person that has five minutes. Don't spin again.
Let's wait a second.
Yeah, let's get his ass out of here.
Let's get his ass gone.
Have a good weekend, bro.
See you, brother.
All right.
Get the hell out of here.
What else for?
Still light out.
I'm not going home.
Yeah.
No, you got to go.
So just so everyone knows, we know how to rig the wheel now.
So that was just.
Wait, what?
That was.
We did that. Wait, what? That was. We did that.
Wait, what?
No, no.
Fucking way.
TJ, that was rigged?
We did it to get sass out of here because we know everyone hates him.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's just.
Now for the funniest parts of the show.
Wait, the wheel's not rigged.
Oh, Jerry.
I actually invited Jerry on the app today and he just.
He didn't want it?
See you, Jerry.
Didn't take it?
See you. All right. Oh, why doesn, and he just didn't want it. See you, Jerry. Didn't take it. See you.
All right.
Oh, why didn't he want it?
I think so.
I asked him to come on the act at 11, and it's my fault.
I have to remind him.
He forgets what time it starts every day.
Okay.
Yeah.
That is your fault.
Give him a reminder.
You got to give him a reminder.
Yeah.
So that was your fault. Give him a reminder. You gotta give him a reminder. Yeah. So that was...
Your fault.
Yeah.
Spin the wheel.
Okay.
Shay said, who on the Yak is each of these Eminem characters?
Yeah, I don't know...
None.
None.
I guess...
Yeah, none of them are white.
I think we're just a group of reds.
You could make the case that, like, Brandon and I are the blue and the yellow.
Brandon's yellow.
I could be blue.
You and Roan are blue.
I'm the yellow.
Brandon's yellow.
Roan is green.
KB looks...
KB orange.
I'm orange.
Sass is a rogue skittle.
Nick is definitely brown.
He's got some sass.
Nick is brown. I is definitely brown. Yeah. He's got some sass. And he loves wearing high heels.
I'm leggy.
Yeah.
Is Brown the only woman?
No.
Are they just doing a fucking gangbang?
No, Green's a pussy.
Green's a woman.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Green makes you horny.
You can see her little pussy.
You can see her tight pussy.
See her tight pussy.
So it's a four on two.
Good, good, bad ratio in the M&M bag.
Sausage fest. Yeah, that's bad. but orange isn't in a normal bag right yellow might be a tall girl well no you think she's like kind of an
awkward played little league baseball is the only girl type wanted to be a lesbian but wasn't a no
bow lesbo isn't that what they did
in softball?
If the girls didn't wear bows
they were a lesbian?
Yeah.
And that's how they
showed the away team?
In some circle, yeah.
A no-bow lesbo?
A no-bow lesbo.
In the mountain,
in our local league.
Is that all it was?
Yeah.
It doesn't really,
it sounds like if you two
figured it out
it probably wasn't.
Yeah, every time I hit on a girl
she said she was a lesbian.
No bow.
No bow.
All right. Spin it lesbian. No bow. No bow. All right.
Spin it again.
Spin the fucking wheel.
Spin the fucking wheel again.
Get me the fuck out of here.
Thank you.
Nope.
All right, boy.
All right.
Oh, boy.
I'm not good at the wheel.
I'd even say I'm bad at the wheel.
That's to put on Prince, who's leaving right now.
Love you, bro.
Love you, man.
Yo, I love you.
I love you.
You never know when it's the last time you could tell somebody that,
especially Kyle.
I don't think he'll die.
I think he'll just go away.
What?
I think Kyle will run away one day.
He'll just run away and we won't be able to find him?
Yeah.
We should chip him.
The second he gets his passport.
His mom's been trying to block him getting a passport.
I think he finally did it on his own.
I think he'll get it in a couple months.
Yeah, so we should chip him.
We're not going to look for him the first 24 hours.
But I'm saying we should.
I bet you we could dog chip him.
A day in the life.
Actually, we should.
Yeah, we should.
We should dog chip him.
Should that be a ping pong ball?
No, we just got to put something, a little electronic thing behind his ear that tracks him wherever he goes.
He's doing steroids.
We could put it in a vial.
What steroids is he on?
That beats me.
He's putting everything in his little butt cheek.
No, what are you doing?
What the fuck?
Oh, ping pong idea.
That counts.
But this doesn't.
Yeah, okay, go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sing on the street in a hat until they make $20.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God. That's a long...
I think street magic would be funnier.
Yeah.
Because we can't do any magic tricks.
Yeah.
Three-card Monty?
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll have to do one of those.
Street magic
Someone has to find a way
To make twenty dollars
On the street
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Let's spin it again
Let's spin the wheel
I really hope it ends up
Just Owen
You have anything to talk about
No
Five minutes you have to do
I just do the wood ad again
Real slow
You have to do five good minutes
What if I ever had anything
To talk about?
Security cam.
Who's walking in?
Somebody's warm.
Who eats?
All right.
Me and O-Dog.
Thank you, Zon.
You did great.
So.
Owen, you been playing some poker?
It's going to be me.
No, I have not.
Why?
I have to start soon to get ready for WSOP, but...
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I'm staking you.
I've had...
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to take a full stake.
Why?
But maybe 50-50.
I think I should have something to take.
Yeah, you're right.
So that it's more...
I think it would fuck with me if it was all your money.
Yeah, because you would feel...
You would change how you... Yeah, I feel like that's fair. So I'll give you it was all your money. Yeah, because you would feel, you would change how you...
Yeah, I feel like that's fair, so I'll give you five grand, five grand.
Yeah.
I like that. When is it?
July, maybe.
I think we're going to win it all.
I think so, probably.
Can you imagine? Nate would be despondent.
Yeah, if I make any sort of run, it would be incredible.
Although Nate has got me boxed in for life. I have to
stake him and he just sucks. Yeah,
you have to, though, because the second
you stop, he'll win. He's going to go all the way.
Does he have what it takes?
No. No. Neither do I.
Do you? No. Does Mincy?
Nobody does. Mincy doesn't? No.
I feel like Mincy does.
He's a wild card. Actually,
maybe Mincy. Yeah.
Something special.
All right, spin it one last time.
This is going to be...
All right.
Oh, boy.
We got the security guard in there, too.
All right, here we go.
Please.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, fuck!
All right, have a good weekend, Mike. All right, good luck.
All right.
Loose, Mike?
You got to do it stand-up style.
It's big cat hour for the next five minutes.
I'm trying to think what I want to talk about.
I'm very excited for the games this weekend.
Very excited.
I do think...
You know what? Let's play a clip.
What clip should we play?
What clip can we play?
What clip can we play?
What's the funniest clip?
Oh, I want to watch. Can I watch?
Is this mic on? Yeah, this mic's on.
Can I watch? Is this mic on? Yeah, this mic's on.
Can I watch the Michael Jackson guy choke the guy out again?
That was fucking awesome.
I've been thinking about that ever since.
There's something about this Philly fan and his bounce back, the way he got up where he was like, I'm going to actually still, I'm still in this fight.
I love this guy.
I absolutely love this guy.
By the way, my game of the year, my third game of the year has been released Sunday night.
Bill's Chiefs over 54.
I put a very large, responsibly, of course, wager on this game.
I'm very excited. Actually,
don't do the clip. I got it. I got these five minutes.
I, um,
there's something about, and I'll just say to everyone
out there, look, you gotta bet responsibly, but
there's something about putting your name
on the line of, hey,
I really love this game. I'm giving
this game out.
Oh, what was that? I'm giving this game out. Oh, what was that?
I'm giving this game out, and it's going to either crush me or I am going to be as happy as I possibly can be.
My game of the year against the Georgia-Alabama SEC Championship game,
I think I told this story, but I had to go to a Christmas party after,
and I have never sulked and frowned harder around complete strangers
as I did that night. I just stood in the corner with a drink and sulked and frowned harder around complete strangers as I did that night.
I just stood in the corner with a drink and sulked, and anyone who came up to me, I just
started talking to them about how Georgia got their ass kicked.
And that's the type of emotion I'm looking for, the highs and the lows.
There's nothing better.
There's nothing better in the world.
Speaking of which, who won?
Oh, my guys, the Chicago guys beat the experts I love to see
that Brandon here's the thing about Brandon little little uh inside knowledge he pretends that uh
he doesn't care about trivia like he did that last week I think he or earlier this week he's like
trivia fans are so annoying Brandon is so annoying trivia. Brandon is the dude that you know who comes in and he's like, got a trivia question for you.
Like, okay, I don't really care.
He does that.
So he cares a lot.
And that's fine.
I like when people care about things.
I think people should care more about the things they like in life.
But then you can't say, oh, I don't really care.
Because then you're trying to win
either way. Like, for instance, on Saturday night, I care very, very much about the Packers
not winning the Super Bowl. A lot. I care a lot. It means a lot to me. It means a lot to my
happiness. So I'm not going to just go show up the next day and be like, oh, I don't care either
way. No, no. If you care
about something, you care about something. It's fun to care about shit. This is just a life lesson
for everyone out there. It's fun to care about things. It's fun to be invested in things. I hate
when people then flip it and they're like, ah, I didn't really care. I didn't really want to win
that. I didn't really want to, I don't care if I lose that. No, no. Care. Just do that. Be invested
in something. And if someone tries to shame you, you're like, no, dude, this is what I like. This
is what I enjoy in life. So back to the brand in full circle, when he's like, oh, these people care
too much. He cares too much. He should care that much. And then we get days like today where he
lost to Chicago and we should make fun
of him for it because that's the fun part when he wins he gets to rub it in everyone's face it's
very similar to the game of the year when i i care about winning this game of the year if i win i
will i will deon sanders fucking walk all over the internet and say how I'm a genius and I'm three
and oh, and I'm the best gambler ever. If I lose, I will be despondent. I will be very upset. I will
have people tweeting at me, calling me fat, calling me gross, calling me a piece of shit,
saying I'm the best fade material out there. And every single one of those tweets will hurt my
feelings a little bit. I'm being honest. It will hurt my feelings a little bit. When people say they fade me, it hurts my feelings a little bit. Not a lot,
but it does. So I don't like when people say they don't care. I don't like when people say like,
oh yeah, that doesn't matter. Like don't know. We're human. Okay. We bleed. That's what we do.
We were on this earth together. We're just trying to make it through life together We care
And caring is fun
Being invested in something is fun
It gets the blood going
Otherwise you're just a fucking soft dick loser
Who's just walking around with a mope on your face
There's no highs, there's no lows
Who wants that?
No one
That's it
That's the yak It's the act. It's the act.
It's time to talk shop and do a Yankees pop.
It's the act.
It's the act. Have a good weekend, everyone.
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