The Yak - Dana Beers Had a WILD High School Bucket List | The Yak 10-27-23
Episode Date: October 27, 2023For the boys.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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We have a very special guest
And somehow He's not even close to the drunkest guy
in this room it's dana beers uh yeah yes he's the drunkest he's still number one beers uh last time
dana admitted to butt chugging on the yak once right yeah he boofed he boofed that was the
golden age you were on barstool Radio a couple days ago,
and every time you have a mic in front of you,
you say gay shit.
What did you admit a couple days ago?
Well, they asked the gayest thing I ever did,
and I was thinking about it.
Well, you were the blowjob king for a while.
I was the king.
You did.
There's a huge difference.
You said, I am the blowjob king,
and we're like, damn, dude, I didn't know you sucked like that. Where did you there's a huge difference he said i am the blowjob king and we're like damn dude i
didn't know you where'd you say this um the oh you this is a whole yak thing yeah like years ago i
was and was that king of blowjobs was that the first thing your fiance's dad saw yeah it was not
good yeah shout out john hein but that's the gayest thing i ever did i thought about it for a
little bit and i said me and my boys had a bucket list back in the day in high school.
And I stuck a pool stick up my ass for it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, no.
Like the chocolate end?
Like the tip?
And why did you say it again right now?
Because, you know.
You ask Dana, he'll tell you.
I fucking love Dana.
He makes everybody's job so easy.
I knew this was gonna happen i came
in here i'm like i'm picking up megan we're going to madison i'm not gonna do any content and here
we are well remember on the bracket you were like yeah and then i was at this like bar shanty and i
woke up in the reeds behind it and i've been with this dude his pants were down dana got raped in a
march yeah dana got raped in a march by his boy Danny got raped in a march. By his boy. That's not necessarily gay.
You blacked out.
You woke up next to a swamp with no pants.
We couldn't say that on the bracket at the time, but yeah.
Your ass was raped.
You admitted to a micro penis.
Yeah, it's a small dick.
Wait, let's go back a little bit.
The pool cue.
Yeah.
Did your buddy put it up your butt?
No.
It was just a little one of those.
You did it yourself?
I'm not pooling.
No, wait.
That's hard to do, though.
I think.
No, it's just insertion.
But you did it yourself.
Yeah.
Think about it.
It's not that hard.
Were they watching?
Yeah, it's not hard.
Yeah, show us.
Look at what you're doing.
Wait, do we have a.
TJ, go get the pool cue.
You just.
TJ.
Wait, what is that?
What would you just try to flop?
And did your boys watch?
We did long ways?
I've held off on this for years,
talking about this bucket list thing,
but I might as well just... Why is that a bucket list?
My bucket list is like threesome.
It wasn't a bucket list.
It was more like, all right, so we...
Yeah, like going to Hawaii.
Data, data, data.
Which end? Was it the chalked up end? It was chalked up. Did you chalk we. Yeah, like going to Hawaii. Data, data, data. Which end?
Was it the chalked up end?
It was chalked up.
Did you chalk it before you put it in your ass?
No, I don't remember.
Probably.
Wait, wait.
It would be funnier.
What else was on the bucket list?
All right, so it wasn't a bucket list.
It was like 12 of us in high school were like 16 years old,
and we made this long list of things, and we put point totals to each.
We did six on six our senior year.
Most point total, like, won.
I was the MVP.
I got shit on.
You put a pool cue up your ass?
Yeah, I got shit on.
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait.
You got ripped?
You got insulted?
No, you got shit on.
Death to KZ.
Where?
By who?
On your chest?
By whom?
Just the boys.
You don't have to be saying that.
It wasn't plural.
Boys will be boys.
I was the MVP.
I had the most points.
Did your boys squat over you?
We were in high school.
Were you in the shower?
Were you outside?
It was in the basement.
Where did the turd go?
It was like a decent size and then a little Hershey kiss.
And then what did you do?
I got 20 points.
I got 20 points.
Was there like an older man that was doing this list?
No, no.
It was like, hey boys, you want some points?
I got a list for you.
You boys need points.
A hot Carl.
You ever heard of that?
Yeah.
Wait, what's a hot...
Shit in the socks
hit you in the face.
You did that?
That's a hot Carl?
I got hot Carl there.
Take it.
What?
Yep.
You got hit in the face
with shit,
human shit?
Who was the dude
that shit on you?
I'm not saying that.
Say his full name.
I want to see him.
I want to see where the shit came from.
They are...
No.
Can you just say what he does for a living now?
I'd love to hear his lawyer.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Say his first name.
Say his first name.
I've said too much.
Dana, do you think your friends sit at work every day and they're like, oh man, we hope
Dana doesn't get in front of a mic.
I had a group chat the other day.
They don't know Dana's first name.
They're like, remember that guy we said he got points
if we shit on him?
The group chat was just Dana with like 10 dots.
And I'm like, oh, this means the pool stick, right?
And it was.
Now you've...
No, no, the link of the Barstool Radio.
And now you've added shit on.
Yeah, I've been holding on to these for a while.
What other ones?
What else is on the list?
I don't want to.
You gave us shit on your list.
Shit on was the worst.
Is there anything worse?
Yeah.
I mean, it was like you fuck a blow-up doll.
You cum in the blow-up doll.
Wait, I was watching.
No, no, no.
People weren't watching.
It's like, you know, it's high school shit.
How many points was that?
Try to make the boys laugh.
Dana, we've all been in high school.
My high school shit was rating Azeroth, man.
It was like five.
That was like five points.
That was nothing.
Like some of the more innocent shit is like you drip, you know, drink, dip, spit, like
stuff like that.
That's that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now we're, now we're getting to a great level.
That's more normal.
That's very, yeah.
Yeah.
Were you guys filming this stuff?
No, no.
This was back in the flip phone days.
The boys have parties and you just...
Did any parents find out about this?
How did you prove you came in the blow-up doll?
Someone had to lick it.
It's a water system.
This was when...
At any point did you have to explain this to adults?
Did a parent find out about this?
Oh, yeah. Right now. How did fucking a to explain this to adults? Did a parent find out about this? Oh yeah, right now.
How did fucking a blow up doll feel?
Not good.
Wait, you did it?
Yeah, I was the MVP, dude.
I did everything.
I think what you said was someone had to fuck a blow up doll until they sang.
Someone.
What else? It's been 15 years but i've been holding
on to it i've always like i'm not going to talk about this because i know it'll open a can of
worms and then the pool stick and it's like you know this is why you're the best so remember the
your one time you produced pmt you told us what was the thing that you lawnmower was the lawnmower
was the jerking off with the Bible?
Oh, no.
When I jerk off, I turn this across.
Yeah.
I put it behind my back.
But you had a cum pile next to your bed.
Oh, man.
A cum pile?
Am I right?
Am I right?
Dana should have wrote a chapter for our book.
Dana's disgusting.
Yeah, it should just be an autobiography.
I don't know about the compile.
Big Cat,
you know,
like,
all of these giant celebs,
athletes,
my dream guest on the act
is one of Dana's boys.
Oh my God,
we need to like,
blur him out
like he's in,
like,
Mob Wars.
They're all innocent
to whatever.
Yeah,
I genuinely feel bad for them
because like,
what,
they lived their life...
Yeah, they're like, oh man, that was kind of fucked up.
We were young.
And they're like, hope none of our boys get a job
at like one of the biggest internet companies.
And he also can't keep secrets.
Thank God that'll never be brought up again.
I'd be living in constant fear if I was one of your friends.
I think your boys hate you.
Yeah, they might have to kill you.
This is the end of it.
There's no more time.
It's over.
No, dude, you're going to sit in front of a mic in a week and do it again.
He'd be like, oh, that remembers that one time.
You know he's withholding like one really.
Oh, yeah.
That shit on was by far the worst.
Yeah, no, the shit on is bad.
How long was the shit on you?
It was quick.
You do it, and then you run away.
That was the worst.
How'd you get it?
You run away.
Poolstick's like, I don't think that's that bad.
So the poolstick is the nation of Chile.
Ten points.
Did you go down to Santiago, Patagonia?
How far did you go?
It was just that.
Oh.
But I mean, a poolstick would talk us dry.
Dana, that's a traumatic scene in 13 Reasons Why.
Poolstick up the ass.
That's the worst.
That's the ending of Requiem for a Dream.
No, I actually think the pool stick is not worse than getting shit on.
Literally shit on your chest.
How did that go?
Wait, did you clean it up?
Who cleaned it up?
You had to clean it up, bro.
If you stood up.
Oh, I ate a peanut butter and pube sandwich.
Oh, my God.
I forgot about that one.
Oh, brother.
Oh, no, Dana!
That was the one I was withholding.
You swallowed dick hair.
That's gay as well.
Peanut butter and pubes.
So you're laying in your buddy's basement about to get shit on, right?
So you saw the asshole open up like an airlock door of a spaceship.
I wasn't looking.
Alright, cool. Less gay.
And then you felt the shit land on your
chest. Yep. And then you
immediately got up? Yes. Did the
shit roll onto the carpet of the basement? Once there was contact,
I got the points and it was over. But
where'd the shit go?
What do you mean? It was on my chest. That's what I was asking.
Someone had to pick it up. Where'd the shit go?
I don't remember. I'm assuming it had a paper towel.
Just boom, and we're done. Dana, remind me.
What do you do with the points?
Nothing.
It's like...
It's like...
It's the boys, you know?
It was the Jedis versus the Wookiees.
The Jedis won.
You can't turn these points in for a prize
anywhere?
It kind of is turning them in for laughs.
The Jedi's were on the Wookiee side.
This is social currency right now.
The chat is alleging that maybe your friends
were actually bullying you.
Oh no.
Is there a chance that they were bullying you?
No, dude.
They're cool guys.
What did they do?
I'm not talking about them.
They're separate. Did they do? I'm not talking about them. They're separate.
They do things worse than you.
What was the guy that raped you?
What was his name?
You did say his name.
Yeah, Flip.
He didn't rape me.
No, no.
I went out at night
on Thursday night,
and it's the first time I think I ever got roofied,
and I woke up.
The first time.
Wait, your buddy's roofied you?
No, no, no.
No, I don't know.
Who's roofying you?
And how many times have you been roofied?
I don't know, but this was the one time I woke up.
It's so funny because Dana will say one sentence,
and they'll be like, wait, there's 17 follow-up questions.
Yes.
Yes.
There's never been a closed end to a sentence.
I woke up in a marsh behind a bar, and all I remember is having two or three drinks.
I'm like, someone roofied me.
And where were your pants?
They were halfway down.
My boxers were on, you know?
Waking up in a marsh is insane.
I know, it was very scary.
I went home, I think I cried.
Wait, but Flip found you?
Flip is the one that found me, so that's why you guys think he sexually assaulted me.
Yes!
He's a number one suspect.
The idea of you going home.
He was in the right place
At the right time
Yeah man
I'm lucky I found you
In this marsh
This is just a live
Read for our erotica
Right now
Yes
You going home
And just sitting down
And just crying
Softly to yourself
Like how did this happen
Can I
Can I go
I think I
No stay
No
This has been fun
We're having fun.
We're all just having fun.
Holy shit.
Dana, what is your bachelor party going to be like?
Oh, my God.
Oh, I mean, that's going to be fun.
It's going to be 20 dudes just getting nice...
Did we go point system again?
We have to bring back the points.
No points, dude.
We have to.
No points.
Come on.
Bunch of boys on the scoreboard.
What if we get it sponsored?
Yeah, what if we do a cash prize?
I actually am having a...
I can't talk about it.
You're having a sponsored bachelor party?
No, no, no, no.
That life is separate.
I don't want that to be.
Okay.
You got married for content.
I'm doing a bachelor...
Finding my bachelor party for content.
Location.
Yes.
That's smart.
Yes.
What's on the list?
I just started thinking about it yesterday.
Charleston.
Can the Yak submit one?
Yeah.
We'll have a Yak.
Perth.
You're going to Perth.
You're going to Perth.
We know a guy who can help you out.
I'm in.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll do that.
I don't know if I can get all my friends to Perth, but it's worth a shot.
I think for a certain amount of points, someone might be able to fund them.
It's a juicy amount of points.
I would need a lot of points.
Would you let Big Cat shit on you?
I would need at least 200 points.
I would let him shit on me for like something.
I don't want to shit on you.
I'm just saying.
We're shitting on you right now.
For a monetary value, I would let you shit on me.
Okay, what's your price?
What's your price?
20K.
That's low, dude.
You got to have a little more self-respect.
Was that Zaz's laugh?
Zaz, what's your number for shit on?
Ain't nobody shitting on my ass.
What about $2 million cash?
Fuck that. $10 million cash? Fuck that.
$10 million cash?
Fuck that.
$100 million cash?
Okay, now we're talking.
Everyone's got a number.
Dana was $20,000.
$20,000.
Big Cat, what's your unit?
I mean, Zod just got me for $100 million.
You're like, yeah, $20,000.
Did it for free 15 What about 10K cash?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, that was easy.
I'm not even kidding.
No, I know you're not.
I know.
Did you go to college?
Any of you guys.
When you were meeting people in college,
did you ask them about their list,
expecting other people to have done this?
No, but that's where the butt funnel came from.
Yeah, the boofing. Yeah, right. That was part of that was part of it like i'm used to this pool yeah like nice uh no you should dana chalks the top of his butt funnel it was like what the hell are you
doing dude like no i've done this before dude if i ever see a penis next to me in a trough that has a blue tip I'm like Dana you know Dana Flip
is that you
you must be Flip
let's not do this to Flip
oh my god
you must be the guy
that raped Dana
holy shit
incredible to meet you
I know Flip's
gonna see this
we all love Flip
he didn't do anything
like that
we love Flip
oh my god Dana you are one in a million can I please go please I have to stop what did you think about the office do anything like that. We love play. Oh my God, Dana.
You are one in a million.
Can I please go?
Please.
I have to stop making fun of you.
What did you think about the office?
I've only seen the court and the yak, and it's amazing.
I'm very jealous because, as you know, I'm a basketball guy.
This is fucking unreal.
I saw the hat, the Jayhawks.
Yeah, this is more, I don't know.
I'm just more just like a style fan.
He averaged 12 and 10 in high school.
I did. Oh, you did? You averaged 12 and 10 in high school. I did.
Oh, you did?
You averaged 12 and 10?
He's actually, Dana's got a sick spin move.
I do.
It's kind of his only move, but it's sick.
12 points, 10 rebounds, 1.5.
I've heard of him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
But can we pull up the most recent stats of you?
That was, I'm a distributor now.
I'm Kyle Anderson now.
I don't shoot as much.
I'm more of a passer.
Yeah.
Slow-mo.
No, Dana's got game.
He doesn't have stamina, but he's got game.
I took him to Swish House once he puked.
Yeah, I did.
That's all right.
But now I feel like you're in pretty good shape right now.
Yeah, shout out Ozempic.
Are you on Ozempic?
Oh, yeah.
Are you kidding me?
He's got to drop this fucking weight.
Are you injecting every day?
No, it's once a week.
How's that feel?
Do you go into the ass? Do you go into the ass cheek?
No, right there.
No, I've had conversations with Dana being like, should I do it?
And it's dawned on me how stupid I sound because I'm asking Dana for advice.
And then when Dana gives me advice, I'm like, well, Kyle told me I shouldn't.
It's like, these are my two doctors.
I'm like, I'm not doing it because Kyle said I don't need it.
I don't want to hear it.
Should I?
Good spot to be in.
So you went two for seven.
That's not bad.
Yeah, but I wasn't.
Yeah.
Five rebounds.
How many assists?
Two.
Two.
No, but the game before I went.
You had a triple single.
Billy's a monster.
The game before I had seven, ten, and six assists.
Why isn't there an Excel doc of that?
There is.
Okay.
That was last week.
No, Dana's got game.
He'll fuck you up in his mid-range.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen it.
Thank you.
Mid-range, spin move.
Finally getting the respect I deserve out here.
How's Clemmer as a coach?
He actually takes it, like when the cameras are off, he takes it very seriously.
I love it.
A lot of people are saying, can you bring that picture back up?
Why would he take it seriously when the cameras are off?
I don't know.
He does.
But why would he?
The cameras are on.
He should take it seriously.
No, he does on both is what I'm saying.
A lot of people are saying I look skinnier than Billy in this photo.
You do.
Oh, yeah.
Billy looks bad.
Billy looks really bad. Billy looks like Billy looks bad. Billy looks really bad.
Billy looks really bad.
We talked about it the other day.
Billy just can't cool down.
How long after the game was this?
Look at Billy's chin.
Which one are we looking at, Kate?
Dana, you look great.
The circle.
Oh, my God, Dana's hot.
I get it.
What is that? It's like a baseball. Dana, my God, Dana's hot. I get Dana.
What is that?
Oh, wow.
It's like a baseball.
Dana, when you... Billy looks like he's 50.
Dana, when I see pictures of you like this, I'm like, I get it.
Flip, I understand.
Oh, yeah.
Flip has good taste.
Flip doesn't deserve this.
What Flip wants, he gets.
Flip didn't do anything.
He just happened to find me.
Yeah.
And then he cried. Hey, guys, bet you dana's in this marsh why would he be in a marsh i don't know just a feeling oh yeah here he is right here
face down wait so what was what were the other times you got roofied i think that's the only
one i'm almost positive yeah that's the only one. I'm almost positive. Yeah.
Was it intentional or was it like
meant for a chicken?
I don't think it was
one of my boys.
I think it was just
someone trying to be funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
QB sneaked?
Do you have something
you're wearing in Madison?
Yes.
What do you have?
It's a sponsored fit.
Oh, okay.
Because I was going to say
someone just sent me overalls.
Like Badger overalls.
I'll take them. Yeah, they're in my office upstairs. Yeah, I could do a little double. Yeah, take them. Cost, okay. Because I was going to say, someone just sent me overalls. Like Badger overalls. I'll take them.
Yeah, they're in my office upstairs.
Yeah, I could do a little double.
Yeah, take them.
Costume change.
I mean, it is your guy.
Who?
Fickle.
He's not my guy.
He held the program back.
He held the Bearcats back.
So making the playoff?
Yeah.
What are they, two and six?
I'm kidding.
We suck now.
We're fucking awful.
Yeah.
Can I please leave?
What were your thoughts when all the people were shitting on Bud Light
and you were like, that's on my ass?
You have Bud Light on your ass?
He has that Bud Light can on his ass tattooed.
The best conversation ever with Dana was when we went and did Stu Finder Day
a couple years ago, and we broke it down, and he was like,
yeah, this beer thing I'm doing, I'm having trouble getting sponsored.
And we're like, wait, what?
None of this is sponsored?
I was like,
you're literally just giving free sponsorship to these beers.
The label was the biggest thing in the video.
It was with hopes that I would get a Super Bowl commercial
or something.
Completely serious.
You're a dreamer. I like that about you.
It's always good catching up.
What a good time that was.
Seriously.
Man, I don't want you to go.
I need to stop talking.
I don't want you to go.
If you want to leave, stand up and leave.
All right.
Yeah, upstairs.
My office is upstairs.
You can grab the Badger overalls.
Always a good time, everyone.
Why would he want to leave?
I don't understand.
I don't get it.
I need to stop making a fool of myself. I don't get it. I need to stop making a fool of myself.
I don't get it.
Oh, Dana.
He was doing so great.
I'll see you this weekend.
Nobody makes me laugh like him.
Thank you.
Yeah, he's something.
Are you trying to go to the game, Dana?
Yeah, good to meet you too, man.
Yeah, I think so.
Do you have tickets?
I might have an extra.
All right.
Sugar daddy.
I'll see you tomorrow, yeah.
Just like 15 points.
He didn't hear that part
but he's not getting
a ticket without
that should be pretty easy
yeah something going in
just a little shit
on the chest
just one hole
just a finger up the butt
I feel like that episode
of the bracket
where we found out
he got raped in the marsh
was like warmest
Christmas feelings
or something
oh my god
it was such a wholesome thing
and he'll just bring it up
I don't know
I think we were doing
like best serials
he was like I have a micro penis all right man oh man dana is goaded he's a legend he is by the way i
found uh someone who has a sadder food review than rico oh Impossible. Yeah. I'll send it to you, TJ.
It's incredible because I thought Rico did the saddest food reviews.
This is the saddest food review that has ever been put online, ever.
Well, was Rico a sad food review or an angry food review?
I guess it was kind of both.
Yeah, you're right.
It was more angry, leaned more angry.
How drunk are you guys?
I'm fine.
I haven't had a drop. I'm good. I'm fine. I haven't had a drop.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I was in the crisis zone towards the end of mostly sports,
but I've sobered back down to the feel-good zone.
Oh, okay, nice.
I'm in the feel-good zone.
I had empty tummy, fifth of Henny.
Yeah.
But then I had grilled Chick-fil-A nuggets.
Okay.
I definitely cannot drive, wouldn't even entertain the idea,
but I am in the very much feel-good zone. Well,'t even entertain the idea, but I am in the
very much feel-good zone.
You have to drink a little more to stay in the feel-good zone.
You're going back.
You're going to be in the feel-bad zone really soon.
We have an extra bottle of Henny.
Grab it for yourself.
That's a very dangerous place to be.
You're the feel-good zone,
but you're going the opposite direction.
It's scary.
Last Tinny Friday,
I was drunk three times throughout the day.
Yes.
I got drunk.
I sobered up.
Did you get yak?
Yeah.
You got drunk?
I did the yak, got drunk again,
sobered up,
and then I went to the Sass and Mook show
at Zaney's.
Got drunk.
Got drunk.
That was a hell of a day.
Hell of a day.
That is a hell of a day.
Yeah, go buy a shirt. Hey, Friday. Today, I'm just going to go home and was a hell of a day. Hell of a day. That is a hell of a day. Yeah, tonight.
Yeah, go buy a shirt.
Hey, Friday.
Today, I'm just going to go home and take a nap, I think.
Nah.
It's going to be a good nap.
Hell yeah.
We're going to see Titus in a marsh after this.
How many points?
And Flip is going to be repping a stack.
You know what?
How many points do you guys want me to get tonight?
I'll do it.
I think Dana was.
It sounds like he was on the receiving end of everything.
Yes.
And so the other guys were like, how many points should this be, boy?
It very much had a Michael Scott feel to it.
Where it was like, yeah, so me and Packer went out one night.
We met twins.
Packer fucked both of them.
It was hilarious.
I was like, Dana, I think you're the.
Dana's got 170
points. All his boys have like six.
Yeah. Those boys like
chugged a high C and Dana got
shit on and had to eat cubes.
He got shit on.
That might be... Is that...
It's pretty bad for the shitter too.
Is that the most dehumanizing thing?
Yes.
100%. Shit on is such a shitter, too. Is that the most dehumanizing thing? Yes. Yes. Yes. 100%.
Shit on is such a big leap from anything.
Is that considered torture with the Geneva Convention?
Is shit on?
Yeah, you can't do that.
Would you rather be waterboarded or shit on?
Waterboarded.
Waterboarded.
I think so, yeah.
But, I don't know.
Can you imagine the CIA torturing terrorists by shitting on them?
And shit outside a water smells so bad.
Yes.
Oh, so bad.
It fills up a room fast.
Oh.
You good, Titus?
Yeah, just got to burp.
Just burping.
We're in the feel-good burp zone.
What's the sadder cooking video?
I said it's TJ.
I don't know if he's got it.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
This can't be healthy. So there was a name that started with a D that got mentioned here quite a bit over
the last few months. Unfortunately, that's over now. I'm not going to talk about what happened
because it's personal and I absolutely do not want people going to her page and harassing her.
In fact, if I find out you did, I'll instantly block you. This is about how I'm dealing with
the situation.
And honestly, not that great.
Beyond the obvious things like the loneliness, I miss her unending creativity the most.
I'm definitely drinking more than I usually do, and honestly, I'm not eating any better.
Also, the motivation to create content is severely diminished.
All that, coupled with the fact that I've only had one video do even remotely well in the last seven weeks
has me feeling like I'm getting curb stomped on a daily basis.
I'm part of a generation where men especially were told to hide their feelings and suppress everything.
So that's what I do because that's what I know.
So I guess I'll just suck it up and move on.
Nobody said life was easy.
You don't have to like it.
You just have to do it.
But, you know.
That's it. That's my to do it. That's it.
That's my favorite video
ever. So good.
So sad. That surpassed Dracula
Flow for three for me. Yeah, making a
Totino's quesadilla.
Yeah, you just missed it, Kyle.
I want to see.
Hey, Kyle.
What's up, Kyle?
Hey, Kyle. You like having another Kyle in the office?
It's the opposite of you.
It's Kyle Long.
Yeah, he's intimidating.
Yo, he is massive.
Yeah, he's a big guy.
He's a big guy.
His dad is...
Howie.
He got me into football cards.
Kyle is considerably bigger than Chris.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's what throws me off.
He's a man back.
Yeah.
Chris is way bigger than I am, but I'm like, I have a frame of reference.
And then you meet Kyle and you're like, I did not have a frame of reference at all.
And he's lost like 60 pounds.
I'm in a risk game on my phone with him and Will.
Oh, nice.
He doesn't know my name.
I'm playing him in risk.
I'm about to blitzkrieg his ass.
You know what's craziest is Howie Jr., the third brother, who is a very nice guy.
I think he works in professional scouting.
He's like 5'10".
No, really?
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
But he's got the name.
He's the Cooper Manning.
He's the Cooper Manning of the ball.
Yeah, he got the Howie Jr., though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He does have rocks.
Because you definitely are the favorite if you're named after your dad.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Is there anyone that's ever been the junior that's not the firstborn?
That feels like a tough...
For the firstborn.
That feels like a tough situation for the firstborn.
He might not be the firstborn.
Like Chris was the firstborn, and then Howie Jr. was second.
Oh, my God.
Can we check that?
I think I've seen that before.
That's a tough...
He might be the firstborn.
It could have been, though, though ties the way it works like
this when the first one comes you have a name for months and by the third or fourth one we're out of
names your names like whatever i don't give a fuck just name how is your most recent name your worst
uh yeah no he's the youngest it's the easiest he is the youngest howie jr's youngest it's always
easiest wow that's that's awesome they ran of names. That's a tough look for Chris
and Kyle though. Yeah. Right?
They did play in the NFL.
But the thing is they didn't go crazy
naming Chris and Kyle.
Wait, you know the singer Brian
McKnight? Yeah. One, you're like
a dream come true.
Two, I just want to be with you.
He has a bunch of kids and he just had
his youngest son who's like nine months. kids, and he just had his youngest son,
who's like nine months.
He changed his name to match his youngest son's name. What?
So he's 54 years old, and he just legally changed his name
to his nine-month-old son's name.
What's his son's name?
Brian Kanoa Mokoa Jr.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Remember that music video?
The plane,
he's like walking
through a plane crash.
The whole song.
You hit that.
Wait, which one?
That song he's singing?
Yeah.
The music video
is Brian McKnight
walking through
a fiery plane crash.
Really?
Yes.
Do you remember that band
LMNT,
pronounced element,
and they had that song Hey Juliet
and then they didn't think they would be big enough. They had
Mr. Shoe from Glee, but then they weren't big
enough after that, so they didn't
really need them.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I do remember that, Nick.
Now that you say that.
Yeah, you're right.
Are you thinking of LMFAO?
No, no. Those guys were Uncle
and Nephew.
Brian McKnight was the best celebrity basketball player.
No.
What about Montel Jordan?
No, he was like the celebrity MVP of the basketball.
What about Ryan Rosillo?
There was a celebrity.
What about Dan Cortez?
League, and he was like the MVP four or five years in a row.
What did Brian McKnight, how did he sound?
Like, what did he sound like?
One.
Come true.
Come true.
Yeah, now I remember.
Two.
Just want to be I remember. Two. Just wanna meet with you.
Three.
Girl, it's plain to see
that you're the only one for me.
That's pretty good, actually.
That's pretty good.
Repeat steps one through three.
Five.
Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I'll start back at one.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you do it to any Friday show?
Oh, that's Ryan McKnight.
Yeah, yeah, there you go.
One sip of Henny, he's McKnight.
Yeah, fun times today you didn't drink at all no no i'm driving home brandon was a chaperone
which was which is important role that was an important i'm making sure everybody gets home
i'm making sure you are driving me home later right i am okay are you driving everybody home
yeah cool except for you what you live the other direction. Yep.
If you want to.
Cool.
That's good.
That's a crew.
Sold a bunch of shirts.
Our goal is to sell 120.
And mind you,
I'm not on this show. Right.
And so benefit for me,
none.
Nick, you look hammered.
Hammered.
I was hammered.
I was hammered.
Your name's on the shirt,
though.
for a while.
Two hours.
I also peeled the label. That means I'm hammered. Your name's on the shirt, though. Two hours. I also peel the label.
That means I'm sexually frustrated.
The goal was 50 shirts,
and we sold 600?
If you're a label peeler on your beers,
I think a psychologist would tell you you're sexually frustrated.
I'd do that immediately after getting a beer.
Now it makes sense.
I was hoping anybody else
would pipe up.
Oh, no.
Fuck.
Damn, Mook.
Do you peel, Brandon?
No, I don't peel.
I go label.
I go label.
I only peel when it's like...
When you're horny.
When you have to do it for a job.
No, or when it starts to peel on its own because of the condensation.
You finish the job.
Yeah, right.
That's a good peel.
I read the label when I'm really thirsty.
I peel when I'm ready to leave, but I am too much of a pussy to leave.
It's as soon as I get...
Yeah, I'm bored.
I'm at a party.
I finish the beer.
I don't want to drink anymore.
I'm ready to go home, but I'm too scared to be like,
all right, guys, I'm out of here.
So I just sit in the corner and peel the label
and then
damn
damn
damn
damn
damn
there's a lot of juice
in those
damn
damn
I got one
did you guys know
that there's a
I went down a rabbit hole
last night
because I couldn't sleep
did you know
you definitely know this.
Yeah.
In Centralia, Pennsylvania.
It's always on fire.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I've been.
Really?
Yes, I went just to see it.
There's a fire that's been burning for 50 years underneath Centralia, Pennsylvania.
And there's still four people that live there?
There's still four people that live there.
Four, total.
I went in the wintertime and the roads closed off, and they're covered in graffiti.
And you can tell teens go back there and drink.
It was like a...
You get in there.
There is literally just...
You're walking along in the woods, kind of, where all these houses used to be that's desolate now, and just woods.
And smoke is just coming out of the ground.
It's crazy.
There's a city near us now in Illinois that's owned desolate now and just woods and smoke is just coming out of the ground there's there's a city near us now in illinois that's owned by a cult and it's there's a wall and has
guys guarded with like guns yeah pretty nearby i think it's called um nearby here yeah i think
it's a couple it's an hour away probably and you can't get in if you're not in this group and it's
guarded by guns we gotta get you gotta... We got to infiltrate that.
You got to infiltrate that movie.
I'm going to Perth, and I'm joining a cult.
What a wild...
They started shutting the town down after a little kid was playing in his grandma's yard.
Yeah.
And went down.
He survived, but whatever.
He fell in a sinkhole.
Yeah.
Cabary, Illinois.
C-A-B-E-R-Y.
They're doomsday preppers, and they keep everybody out.
We should send Che.
We should.
Send Che.
What are they doing?
Can they legally keep everybody out?
I don't know.
Feels like that's on a private level.
Right?
But they're all doomsday preppers.
It's just a town.
I think that's what, yeah. I love doomsday preppers. It's just a town. I think that's what, yeah.
I love doomsday preppers, dude.
Stell.
I don't know if it's Stell or S-T-E-L-L-E.
We do that with you in Pro Football Show.
What?
Just keep you out.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
If anybody on the act was a doomsday prepper besides Che,
because we know it would be Che, right?
I think he already admitted that he kind of does
a little bit of it.
He's got big tomato cans in his basement.
I don't think any of us value our lives.
No.
I'm the polar opposite.
If the apocalypse has happened, just fucking kill me.
I give up.
I'm ready to join the zombies.
You give up the first time in the world?
You put a dip in your toe in it at different methods of prepping.
Like I can see you having a protocol for getting ready.
Thank you.
Yeah, if shit went down, I would kill myself so fast.
Oh, yeah.
I'd take the coward's way out.
Immediately.
I would be running to the zombies immediately.
Just like, let me join your team.
The more realistic end of the world.
Like war.
Nuclear war.
Do you think anyone killed themselves
when the Hawaii thing happened?
I guarantee.
Remember when there was
a false alarm for a nuclear bomb
and everyone
freaked out? Big mistake.
That was the worst place for that to happen to.
That's why they have it.
That would have happened.
That's why I don't think I would kill myself.
I would run
towards the lake.
You're telling me where the bomb's going to
hit. I'll run that direction. I'm doing a handful
of Broward County tic-tacs, baby.
Oh, shit. Did anyone commit suicide
over the miss alert before the false alarm was sent
out? According to the news last night,
there haven't been any reported deaths.
Okay.
Oh, no, there's an entire church coming in.
Oh, wow.
So they sounded the alarm that a nuke was imminent.
Yes.
Yes.
By accident.
So obviously not the same thing, but when they did the War of the Worlds radio broadcast,
a bunch of people killed themselves because they thought that was real.
What?
Because they thought that, like, they broke into radio programming as if aliens were landing
in New Jersey.
What year was this?
It was very early, like early 1900s.
That was the famous hoax, the radio hoax?
Yeah, they had to change a bunch of radio laws and regulations.
And you can't just do parody on the radio because a bunch of people thought it was real and started freaking out and killing themselves. I'll say it.
We should try to prank people.
Yeah.
That's the end of the world.
In a couple months
we should play the
breaking news and
be like oh my god.
Yeah we should get
an alarm system here
and see what
White Sox Dave does.
What if White Sox
Dave just had like a
cache of arms hidden
in this office.
Alright let's go.
Locked and loaded.
I think he'd be like
Dana he just started
admitting to shit.
Yeah you're right. Yeah he'd have to get stuff off his chest like a turd. Yeah the he'd be like Dana. He just started admitting to shit. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, he'd have to get stuff off his chest.
Like a turd.
Yeah, the scene from Almost Famous,
the plane crash scene.
I fucked Dana Beers at a marsh.
He was laying there
and I don't know what he wanted.
He thinks my name is Flip.
His ass was out.
What do you want me to do?
What is the most embarrassing event in world history where if everyone who died could know how wrong they were, they would be humiliated?
Probably Y2K.
Y2K?
Yeah.
Jonestown?
Jonestown.
Jonestown was pretty bad.
Although they, yeah, Jonestown.
They forced them, a lot of them.
Yeah.
Hells, or whatever, Angels.
Yeah.
Heavens? Heavens Gate. Yeah, they were all wearing the Air Force. Yeah. Hells, or whatever, angels. Yeah. Heavens?
Heavens Gate.
Yeah, they were all
wearing the Air Force.
Or the New Balance.
What were they wearing?
I don't know.
They were wearing
Nike Monarchs.
Yeah, I think they all
were wearing Nike Monarchs.
Those are making a comeback.
They are.
They have really cool
jumpsuits on.
They're super comfortable.
Nike Monarchs are like
very, they're dad shoes,
but they're very comfortable.
Besides the Hitler mustache
has there been
anybody
bad enough
or sad enough
that it's destroyed a trend
ooh
remember when MJ
in the Hanes commercials
had the Hitler mustache
he had a Hitler mustache
that's how you know
he's surrounded by yes men
that's how you know
he's the goat
yeah right
when anyone's like
LeBron or MJ
it's like could LeBron
pull off a Hitler mustache
not a chance
have you guys seen
the commercial
I still haven't pull off a Hitler mustache? Not a chance. Have you guys seen the commercial?
I still haven't.
He has a Hitler mustache.
He might consign me a... Haynes commercial.
For the collars, for the bacon collars.
That's right.
These collars want bacon.
You know who doesn't like bacon?
I know.
MJ pulled it off.
What other trend?
Ironically enough, the Jews don't like bacon, right?
That's not halal.
That's not Jewish.
That's not kosher.
Halal is the street food.
Yes.
Well, the Nazi symbol used to be on Boy Scout stuff, like Boy Scout buttons and stuff.
It meant friendship or something.
It's like Hindu or something.
They yoinked that from Buddhism or something.
And now it's on your leg.
You know Ethan Supley?
The fat, fat, fat dude.
Whoa, that was a three fats.
Yeah, he was.
Remember the Titans in American Idol?
Oh, yeah, he is fat, fat, fat.
I saw him at a screen grab of him,
and I was like, I sadly thought he would be dead.
He looks like you.
He's Jack. Look at him now.
He's way more Jack than me.
He was 500 pounds and a heroin addict.
I didn't know that. That's impossible.
He looks like a
superhero now.
Good on him. What's his name?
Ethan Supley. Holy shit.
He was in Remember the Titans and My Name is Earl.
My Name isl was good
that's big oh my god that sucks that's got the flappy skin yeah like to be that jacked in that
great of shape and you can't even like that's still pretty good yeah it is but i mean we're
all looking at it right we're all noticing like that's the yeah That's the takeaway. Damn, he looks awesome.
He was in the butterfly effect
with Ashton Kutcher.
He was real into the S&M sex in his dorm room.
That movie
ended with Ashton Kutcher. Spoiler alert.
He strangled himself with his mother's
umbilical cord.
There was alternate.
That's a butterfly effect in it? There was alternate. Ew. Ew. That's how Butterfly
affected it?
Yeah, man.
Really?
There was one ending
where he passes Amy Smart
and like U2 is her.
Amy Smart.
Oasis is playing.
You like her?
I loved her.
We need to do like
the opposite of spoilers
where it's like
if I would have known that
I would have gone
and watched the movie.
I never saw this movie
but if someone would have been like,
yeah, so in the end,
he fucking,
he goes back.
Yeah, I need a sweetener.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't you get any ideas?
Did you like Amy Smart?
I can't.
She had like a four year window.
I love Amy Smart.
I don't know.
Who's Amy Smart?
She was Tasty Combo.
Just Friends.
She was in Scrubs.
Road Tripubs Road Trip
Show Picture
I liked Amy Smart
I liked her a lot
90's hot
early 2000's hot
was a different type of hot
My Name is Earl Girl
Presley
She falls into that category
Tara Reid
What was her name? Presley Jamie Presley. She falls into that category. Tara Reid.
What was her name?
Presley?
Jamie Presley.
That's why I feel like at Blockbuster, every DVD cover was just a pair of tits with a fun movie title.
What a good time to be a graphic designer.
Elijah Cuthbert.
Oh, yeah.
Real nice score, dude.
Old school.
24?
She got real. She was a daughter in 24? Yeah real she was a daughter in 24
yeah she was
was she
she was
what was it called
the girl next door
what was the movie
yeah the girl next door
yeah dude
oh my god
so hot
would
controversial
but would
who's the hottest girl
you'd fuck
great question Jeff D. Lowe just sent me a
Discord chat that a guy wants to be
My pussy guy and I think I've gone too far
Wait
Are you going to do it?
Don't get a pussy guy
A pussy guy is a depraved man
A pussy curator
Where did we land on ass guy?
Ass guy's fine?
I think titties are the line.
Y'all think ass is the line?
Titties are a fun guy.
Ass guys are a...
You would never hang out with them one-on-one.
Pussy guys, you make fun of them behind his back.
No asshole guys, though.
I was going to ask,
is ass guy,
are they wearing clothes or not wearing clothes?
It could be both.
It could be both.
Okay.
Just no asshole.
Like, thong?
Are we talking... Yeah, it could be jeans. It could be both. Okay. Just no asshole. Like thong? Yeah, it could be jeans.
It could be yoga pants.
Gone are the days.
I think leggings are so popular now we basically see every girl's ass.
Yeah.
Yeah, this guy said, I understand that what I'm doing is weird.
Please don't judge me.
Today on the Yak it was revealed Brandon has a tits guy, a guy that sends him a daily picture of tits.
Big Cat said he wants a pussy guy, but I'm having trouble contacting him.
If you can help me out.
That was a Discord message? Yeah.
That sounds like a Discord message. It sure does.
I probably could find, he probably
hit me up on Instagram. I don't think I need a pussy guy.
I'm going to tap out on a pussy guy. Send it all to Taylor
Luan. Is he a
pussy guy? Yeah, big time. Yes, I'm
Taylor. This is number one. It's like, you know how you knew exactly
which kind of boobs the guys would like? I feel like it'd be weird if you. Yes, I'm Taylor. It's like, you know how you knew exactly which kind of boobs
the guys would like?
I feel like it'd be weird if you're like,
I know exactly what kind of pussy flaps you're into.
Nick, I can see you in this pussy.
Exactly.
A little bit of a different vibe.
This pussy looks weird without you in it.
Yeah, it's much weirder.
We should start a Discord for the show.
Yeah, we should.
What is Discord?
It's very successful.
Imagine like Slack, but there's voice channels and also it's mostly gamers.
Different chat rooms.
We get up with people in there.
Sounds kind of fucking nerdy.
It is.
They make all of our merch for us.
It's good, though.
Oh, and a lot of drama.
A lot of drama.
So is it fans or is it? It's fans. Anybody. Are there cool lot of drama. A lot of drama. So is it fans or is it... Yep, it's fans. Anybody.
Are there cool dudes? Yeah, a lot
of cool dudes. Best dudes. Funny dudes.
Maybe not cool. The Untel this bitch
shirt was made in the Discord by somebody.
The new shirt we have coming out soon. The
Pirate's Code shirt is coming out soon.
I use Discord almost every day.
TJ, well, how do we go
about this? I got somebody that's
willing to make us a discord server
I think he probably made your discord server as well
Phenom
Phenom yeah
Good guy
Phenom
Yeah Dylan
With a P
Undertaker
No with yeah
P-H-E-N-A-W-M
That's a sick nickname
He'll make a discord and fuck your bitch
He is
Phenom
He's a king
Well I don't want him to fuck my bitch
Well he might have to
Too bad
Did you...
Oh, you didn't bring in Tommy?
You're here for the business.
Oh, yeah.
Last night at 11.07, Jerry texted me, yeah, I'm not coming in tomorrow.
They worked a full day.
I had a plan for Tommy.
Yeah?
I had trivia questions for you versus Mark.
And if Mark...
I had a giant fucking sword. And the winner got this giant sword, Tommy or Mark. Can had trivia questions for you versus Mark. And if Mark, I had a giant fucking sword
and the winner got this giant sword.
Tommy or Mark. Can we do it next week?
Can we do it right now? Well, Tommy's not here.
Tommy's not here. Oh, Tommy's answering the questions?
I skewed it to where Mark would win
and Tommy would have to see his dad
squander a giant fucking sword in front of him.
And I would not give it to Tommy.
I would have waved it in his face on the way out
to see him. And I would not give it to Tom. I would have waved in his face on the way out this studio.
So, wait, Nick, are you stuck in a perpetual loop of Henny Friday now?
We're not going to do it.
Yeah, what is the strategy, boys?
Because I feel good, but I don't know if this is what I'm trying to do with my life.
9 a.m.? Yeah, man.
Being drunk before lunch is quite an experience.
Without, like, a football game to go to.
Right.
Yeah, that's the key part.
I woke up at, like, 9.45 today, and I saw a clip of Titus Gunk.
If I remember correctly, and one of you can correct me or TJ,
did we agree to me flying to Oklahoma to dance on Mr. Ed's grave?
Yes.
You have to gritty on Mr. Ed's grave.
You have to gritty on Mr. Ed's grave in Oklahoma is what happened today.
Okay.
But he's not even buried under there.
It's just a rock that says Mr. Ed.
It's a fan club, yeah.
All right.
You got this.
Did you guys see that we might be getting janked part two?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I don't know if I'm buying it.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't know if I'm buying it.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Can I just, before we do this, anyone watching, just opt out if you loved yesterday's show,
right?
Because I don't know if I want to hear all this.
Well, no, we're not.
I don't want to hear all this.
I don't believe it.
People are saying it.
Okay. I side to hear all this. Well, no, we're not. I don't want to hear all this. I don't believe it. People are saying it. Okay.
I side with Travis.
Okay.
Because this is really sad.
If he didn't have an accent, would you?
No.
This guy's crazy.
So Travis.
Wait, wait, wait.
It was funny that he just says yellow jello and all of us are like,
you're the coolest guy I've ever met, dude.
So Travis has multiple pictures from before with Barstool personalities
like Lenny Balls, Kelly
Keegs.
He's run into Barstool people before.
Okay.
So maybe the meeting the other day wasn't accidental.
He was going to the show.
He's a Barstool fan.
Maybe it wasn't accidental.
Yeah, I don't know if he's trying to get a job.
I don't think so.
He's never showed that.
That's the theory.
I'm not saying that's what I believe.
He was very chill.
He's doing a solo trip across America for 30 days.
Jinx is very chill.
That's the important part.
So that's the part that I defend him.
He's a Barstool fan.
Right.
And the big thing is he was in LSU when you guys were there and he didn't go to the show.
Facts.
He went after.
Yeah.
You're right.
And play him saying yellow jello.
Good point.
These are good points.
Yeah.
I mean, he's traveling across country.
If he sees that he's a Barstool fan, he's alone.
I will have to talk to you.
If I was in Australia and i loved something there i
would like check it out yeah like see it he was he was chill last night he he was got the full
che he kept on looking back to me being like what how is his brain working like this i was like dude
i don't know so he he might opt out after being around che no No, I think so. He might be like, no, thank you.
I don't need this. I've read
that Perth miners make stupid
money. Oh, damn.
Really?
I just called him Jinx.
Try him out. I'm taking a 20 second time out.
I mean, Jinx is a good guy, too.
I like Jinx. Jinx is a good guy, but Jinx
openly admits that he stalked us.
To get what he's getting now.
But what he's doing for Frank, I think, is healthy.
Yeah, no, I like Jenks a lot.
But if Jenks was sitting right here, he'd be like, Jenks, did you stalk us?
He'd be like, yeah.
He'd have a go at mine.
He would.
He'd 100% admit it.
A chill stalker.
The first interaction we had with him was him bringing weed to the hotel we were staying in in L.A.
And he was bowing to you.
Yes, right.
And he says that he was like, yeah, that was a little too much.
Yeah, I bowed to you. I fucked up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I slipped up.
I bowed.
I like Jenks and I think Frank
has been healthier and churning
stuff out and it's good for him to have that.
Yes, definitely. Jenks put me on to 100 air squats every day.
Really?
And a couple other workout things.
Yeah, his body's crazy.
You've been doing 100 air squats?
That's what it sounds like?
In the cold shower.
I do the 100 air squats in the cold shower.
I don't feel the temperature after 10.
Dude, I want to be reincarnated as a piece of tile.
What's an air squat?
Just a squat.
Just a body weight squat.
A body weight squat. Is that a real question? But in the shower, your legs have to be like you can't. What's wrong air squat? Just a squat. Just a body weight squat. A body weight squat.
Is that a real question?
But in the shower, your legs have to be...
What's wrong with that?
Yeah, I can't.
I have enough...
Oh, you have enough space.
Squatting.
It's called air squat.
That doesn't...
So the cold shower...
I don't feel the cold shower because of the air squat.
I don't think that's that very...
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty...
I don't think it required that reaction.
Well known.
No, it's pretty...
I mean, like, you can deduce, Brandon.
I think air squat could be anything.
You've had multiple times where you've had a trainer.
Can you show us what an air squat is to you?
Do some air squats.
How would you do air squats?
Brandon, do 100.
No, it's a body squat.
We'll give you 10 points.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm wasted drunk.
I thought that reaction
was unfounded. That's all.
Maybe that's not the right word. I think that's what he calls me.
What food did you refuse because you had a trainer?
Was it a hot dog?
A single hot dog.
That was pathetic.
Sorry for trying to live the right way, boys.
I think that was the most frustrated I've ever seen you.
I was so frustrated.
I want Brandon to live his best life but one hot dog.
Sorry for trying to.
There it is.
Oh, you got to keep the arms up.
I don't do that.
Oh, no.
Good form.
Oh, man.
How do you do it?
That guy has a thick arm.
You cross the arms?
I do them like super fast
so I can get them out of the way.
I always have my arms kind of like down.
Do you feel weird at all doing them naked?
Oh, yeah.
That would be weird.
Yeah, my asshole burns when I do it.
It like opens up
and I feel like
A tinge of
Burn
Is your conditioner
Running down it
Or something
No
Are you sitting on a
Are you having a
Are you having a
Productive shower
Yeah no foreign affair
Your asshole burns
Sometimes
Is it cause it's
Itch
And it's so chapped
When you do the squat
When it comes down
Your asshole opens up fully
Maybe cause I am a little bit rash.
I think it's probably the rash.
It's probably so dry.
Split it.
Everyone try it out in the shower and get back to it.
I will.
I'm not going to do a cold shower.
Brandon, what's the most...
You won't feel the cold.
It's a hack.
You're going to feel a burn in your asshole, though.
A little bit.
I'm telling you, it's a great start to the day.
It's not that hard.
Brandon, what's the most athletic thing you could do to impress people?
If someone were like, what kind of athlete are you?
Right this second, and you were like, I'm going to show you.
Watch this.
What would you do?
Drive and range hit 300-yard bombs.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
That's pretty fucking good.
You do drive it well.
That's pretty good.
Not going to lie, Brandon has nice feet when we sack.
What?
He's smooth.
Yeah, he's good.
Yeah, he's good.
I'm a good sacker.
Yeah, you did.
I called you out on the act
not too long ago
where I was like,
why do you do the back heel shit
and then I tossed it to you.
I'm one of our most consistent sackers.
Yeah, you're a good sacker.
Good sacker.
Good hand-eye coordination.
Great hand-eye coordination.
I think I'm the best quarterback
in the office.
He's a good arm.
He's a good arm.
I agree.
I think Nicky Smokes
might be pretty good.
Nope.
I'm better.
We have one rule
and that's not to be
on the basketball court right now
and Nicky Smokes is out there court right now. He's playing.
He's playing.
He's throwing a football?
Yeah.
Illegal.
Marco Tackle.
Get him, Titus.
Is it open next week?
Wednesday?
Thursday?
Wednesday or Thursday?
Look, there's a train track.
If I make my first shot,
I'm never going to use it again.
I like that.
Titus looks like a dad
that's watching the guy
that's picking up his daughter.
Yeah.
It's all right.
You guys see that train truck?
Yeah, it's awesome.
It's right there.
I'm really enjoying that.
We're teasing what we're seeing.
It looks like, Rudy said, it looks like a NBA 2K load screen.
Yeah, that was a good one.
What is the rollout strategy in terms of like,
what day do you think we'll be able to be like,
check out all this shit, everybody?
So next Wednesday or Thursday,
they're coming to inspect that half of the office.
Hopefully we'll pass.
The following week is Barstool Invitational Week.
So I would imagine,
I think we have like some advertisers coming by, so that will be
the first week of
really doing stuff.
We made a boo-boo in our studio.
Uh-oh.
In the industrial beach.
We hung up
one of Mook's Perth hoodies
just on the grills
on the wall. Yeah, people keep saying, why is every room a dog crate?
Yeah, I guess that's fair.
We're getting panels and stuff for it.
And then we hung it up there just to be funny, right?
The Perth hoodie.
And then we didn't know.
They came in there to hang up shelves, and they didn't take down the Perth hoodie.
So it's stuck behind the shelf?
No, they just built shelves around the Perth hoodie.
A big fucking gap.
Do you have a picture?
No, but we took the Perth hoodie down.
There's just a gap in the shelves.
And there's a circle of no shelves.
Oh my god.
So that has to stay.
I kind of like it.
It's a memory.
Yeah.
You want to do the High Noon ad, someone?
Probably not me.
Hell yeah.
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because High Noon Game Day Pack is back.
It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry,
along with black cherry and grapefruit.
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100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar.
The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive,
which means it's here for a good time,
but not a long time.
Go head over to highnoonspirits.com
before your next tailgate to find a pack near you.
I will be having plenty of high noons today
at Chef Donnie's party party and we're all invited to
even you the viewers swing through yeah i gotta build my costume up yet yeah it's up people are
gonna get drunk and climb that thing i think so kate yep i love that why don't you come people
right near me people were really mad about that yeah they were why because i guess maybe you
shouldn't do that if you rent.
And like the structure and.
They were mad at him.
Like, oh, your parents must be rich.
He has like, he lives with three other guys.
It's a warehouse.
Not like a luxurious.
I would assume Donnie probably asked to.
That.
And then like to buy the handles of a rock wall.
What is that?
Like $200?
Yeah.
I think they were mad about the walls.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Drilling into brick maybe. Yeah. that? Like $200? Yeah. I think they were mad about the walls. Oh, okay.
Yeah, drilling into brick maybe.
Yeah.
Oh, I get it.
Yeah.
I saw it when his second video was like people are really mad
and I went and looked
at the comments.
I was like,
ah, they're making
some decent points.
It's not like you can
replace the brick.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
His last apartment,
he hired somebody to just do a giant mural. Yeah. Yeah, shit. Yeah. His last apartment, he hired somebody to just do a giant mural.
Yeah.
Yeah, don't rent to Donnie.
Yeah, never rent to Donnie.
So what are you guys going to dress up as?
A piece of gum.
Chimney sweep.
What?
It was like, I'm not going to win any competitions, pre-made.
But I did order too much soot.
Oh, no.
You're going to get canceled.
Like a mulch-sized bag of soot.
I wanted just a little bit of soot to put on my face.
How much is soot nowadays?
It's like a mulch bag.
You got that much soot in your apartment?
Too much soot, yeah.
What are you going to do with it after Halloween?
I guess I'm going to have to find a way to use the soot.
Bring it up to the industrial beach, dude. We're going to going to have to find a way to use the soot. Bring it up to the industrial beach, dude.
We're going to have the sootiest.
We'll use the soot.
I need a picture of your guys' costumes.
Yeah, all right.
Why don't you come?
I'm tired.
Yeah, that's fair.
Dude, I want to smoke myself miniature and chill in the Laugh Factory logo.
That shit is a lot.
That shit's immaculate.
Pull that up, someone.
That's where I want to live.
I want to get a seasonal apartment there.
As a miniature Kyle.
It's so cool.
You're like Mike TV.
You want to live in that?
I want to live in that shit.
That is pretty.
That's nice.
Ask on the U.
Slide down the U.
That's a high ass spot.
That's a place to light up. You want to live in the U that's a high ass spot that's a place to light up you want to be in the U
yeah
you have those old pajamas on with like the long cap
when he snores it pushes it up
you got a candle with a holder on it
that's my spot
that's a good dream
the ghost of Michael Richards
was he laughing you had a good dream. The ghost of Michael Richards. Was he laughing?
Yeah, it was a laugh factor.
You had a good joke about that.
I said that, yeah.
I was like, we're going to have a bunch of people hosting.
Nick, Brandon, PFT.
And I pointed out, maybe not Mincy.
Not with this logo.
What's crazier to me than the Michael Richards incident
was the David Letterman interview when Jerry Seinfeld.
Do you remember this?
When Jerry Seinfeld, not long after, it might have been like the next day, goes on Letterman.
He had a pre-booked appearance on Letterman.
And they zoom in, I guess whatever that version of Zoom was back then.
They zoom in Michael Richards to apologize to the crowd.
What?
And the crowd is
laughing their ass off because they think it because it's fucking kramer and seinfeld you're
like why would you not laugh i remember watching it live as a kid i was like this is the most
insane thing i've ever seen and the crowd's like laughing and jerry seinfeld turns the crowd he's
like don't laugh and and kramer's like i'm so sorry i didn't mean anything by that it was one
of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.
I had no idea this was a thing.
Jerry Seinfeld orchestrated it to be like, this will fix everything.
Yeah, Seinfeld was already booked on Letterman.
And he was like, since I'm booked, by the way, my friend last night or a couple nights ago, you might have seen.
I figured I could use my appearance to apologize on his behalf.
And then Kramer zooms, like, does a video call in and he's like i'm so sorry
and the whole crowd is like just nervously laughing we got to see this dude kramer was
like two months too late like i think the video cell phone camera came out a couple days before
that yeah so people don't know kramer uh yeah said the he like got mad at someone in the crowd. He didn't let it slip.
It wasn't like a bit that he was doing.
Tough to defend.
Yeah.
He got pissed and just started unloading the emblem.
We're not pulling up that clip, DJ.
No.
No.
Has he been in anything since?
He was selling brick watches.
Yeah, that's true.
Mincy recruited him.
Oh, what if we got Mincy to have him on?
Oh, my God.
Mincy probably doesn't know.
No.
No.
We booked you Kramer.
We should convince him that Kramer is going to be on the first episode.
Yeah.
I wonder, he probably made so much money off Seinfeld that he was fine.
Yeah.
The clip was going viral recently where Jerry Seinfeld,
he got offered $110 million for another season and he turned it down.
Wow.
Jerry Seinfeld did?
Yeah.
Didn't he date a high schooler?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That did happen.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that did happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
That did happen.
His last role was 2019.
He played Daddy Hogwood
in Faith, Hope, and Love.
Oh.
Well, that was many years
after the incident.
Daddy Hogwood.
What is that movie?
Yeah.
What was the incident?
What roles was he in before that?
Prior to that, it was 2007.
2007.
B-movie.
Oh.
Oh, Joe, you hooked him up with B-movie.
Wait, when was his incident?
07, was it?
I was going to say like 10 or 11.
Oh, it was later.
I don't know when it was.
He got his start in a Weird Al movie.
He was on Comedians in Cars with Coffee
with Jerry.
Oh, he was?
What role did he play in B-movie?
I think he was a B. Not quite. He played he was? Yeah. Oh, that was nice of Jerry. What role did he play in Bee Movie? I think he was a bee.
Not quite.
Ah.
He played Bud Ditchwater.
That sounds like a bee name.
That might be a bee.
The incident was 2006.
Yeah.
So he got the Bee Movie role afterwards.
Yeah.
Or during.
Kramer's racist tirade
is the title.
Wait, he was in the army?
Yeah, he was a chess player.
Not as like his role, but he loved playing chess
in the army.
Wait, what is...
Talks about that. Wait, he's a Freemason?
What is that? I always forget.
I never understand that stuff.
What do they call him?
It's like a social club.
Yeah.
It's like the moose in the Elks Lodge, but for only dudes, right?
But they also run the world.
Yeah.
Kind of thing.
Yeah.
I don't quite know what they do.
Do they wear the hats?
Are they the guys that drive the tiny cars at the parades?
The tiny cars, yeah.
Ooh.
Fez.
They wear Fezes.
Yeah.
Cool guys. Very cool. They have Fezzes. Yeah. Cool guys.
Very cool.
They have a whole routine.
We should get those.
I would love a tiny little car.
We got space for them now to learn a tiny car routine.
You want to just do everything that destroys this basketball court.
I already ordered my blades.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I'm pumped.
Can you find the Letterman thing, TJ?
Oh, here we go.
Oh, this is going to be- It's seven minutes long. Can you find the Letterman thing, TJ? Here we go.
It's seven minutes long.
I've known him a long time, but I don't know him well.
We can't just watch this without talking to him. At the comedy store.
Talking over and talking over and talking over.
He would get on stage.
We can't just watch a seven-minute video or we'll get cut.
Go to the point where he comes on.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I can't even watch it.
We have him live via satellite from Los Angeles.
This should be Michael Richards.
Michael, are you there?
Yeah, I'm right here.
Hi, Michael.
Welcome to the show.
Oh, God.
Oh, hi.
How are you doing?
I'm not doing too good.
Holy shit.
I lost my temper on stage.
I was at a comedy club trying to do my act, and I got heckled,
and I took it badly and went into a rage.
Oh, my God.
Oh, they're laughing.
Yeah, dude, yeah.
This is a core memory for me growing up.
Nasty. He's on the slide. Oh, yeah. laughing. Yeah, dude. Yeah. This is a core memory for me growing up. I remember.
Nasty.
He's on the slide.
Oh, yeah.
Americans.
A lot of trash.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck is going on?
How could you not laugh?
It's Jerry Seinfeld and fucking Kramer.
It's like the two funniest people on Earth.
His cadence is pretty comedic and disturbing the act.
That was going on, too.
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.. Oh my God!
Holy shit!
This is so uncomfortable.
People are laughing.
This is where I should be addressing the situation.
I've already heard you make some jokes about it, and that's okay.
But I'm really busted up over this.
The whole thing is uncanny.
It doesn't seem like a genuine apology.
At this point in time, these three men that are on the screen are three of the funniest human beings to ever live.
And they're trying to talk about the most serious thing in their lives.
It's so fucking funny, dude. I'm concerned about more hate and more rage and more anger coming through.
Not just towards me, but towards a black-white conflict.
There's a great deal of disturbance in this country and how blacks feel about what
happened in katrina and you know okay good point michael many performers are in las vegas and new
orleans uh trying to raise money for what happened there and uh for this to happen for me to be in a comedy club and flip out whoa crap I'm sorry and I've
got I'll get to the force field of this hostility why it's there why the rage is
in any of us why the trash takes place whether or not it's between me and a couple of hecklers in the audience
or between this country and another nation.
Whoa.
Whoa.
We're going to blow it out.
It feels like conflating that and the war in Iraq.
I'm so glad I showed all of you this.
This is uncanny.
What would have been the nature of your response then? It may have happened. You know, I'm so glad I showed all of you this. This is uncanny. What would have been the nature of your response then?
It may have happened.
You know, I'm a performer.
I push the envelope.
I work in a very uncontrolled manner on stage.
I do a lot of free association and spontaneous.
I go into character.
I don't know.
In view of the character of the situation and the act going where it was going. I don't know. The rage
did go all over the place.
It feels like he's about to say it again.
Yeah, it does.
I feel like he's convincing himself he was in the right again.
I know
blacks could feel
what he's saying
about this.
I don't know.
You can't add the F. You can't add the S.
You can't add the S.
He wants to say it so badly.
I don't know if we showed it, but at one point I remember Seinfeld turning to the crowds and scolded them.
It was like, don't laugh.
And everyone's like, what are we supposed to do, dude?
Imagine you live in Iowa.
You booked this trip to New York City months ago.
You get David Letterman tickets.
Jerry Seinfeld's going to be
on the show. And then Kramer
zooms in to say
I'm sorry for saying the N-word.
How are you not going to laugh?
Can you just show how it ends?
Wow.
I did. I apologize.
Letterman or Seinfeld better have a great joke.
Is there much more you can do? Much more you would like to do?
Get back up at the end.
I just have to do personal work.
I...
I'm still wheeling from this.
It's just been a few days.
I don't know yet.
Jerry, is there anything you want to say to Michael here?
You know, I know Michael many years, and I know how he works on stage,
and none of that justifies what happened.
But, you know, I've been talking to him today, and I just –
he's someone that I love, and I know how shattered he is about this.
And he deserves a chance.
That's why I wanted him to come on.
He deserves a chance to apologize. That's a good wanted him to come on. He deserves a chance.
That's a good friend move by Jerry.
He did well. I would do that for all you guys.
Thank you.
Hop on anus.
No, via satellite.
I'm going live.
I want to know
what the phone call was like
after that show.
After they taped it.
What do you think, Jerry? You think they bought it?
Did I hear them laughing?
Jesus, that's incredible.
I'd never seen that.
I did not know that existed.
He went global.
He's like, put the hate in the world.
Yeah, think of it like this.
The rage went all over the place.
Yeah.
Well, Kramer's what?
Top five character?
Yes.
All time?
Yes.
Brandon, give us a quick list.
Sitcom characters, all time.
Well, I wouldn't use Kramer from that show.
I'd use George.
I would use George probably too, but Kramer's up there.
Norm Peterson.
Redacted.
Oh, that was
Cosby.
Barney Fife.
Homer Simpson.
Morgantown boy. Homer Simpson.
Barney Fife or Homer Simpson.
Both.
I'll work on it.
Would you say any of the office characters are in there?
I think you've got to take out
Michael Scott. Michael Scott's probably in there. What did you say any of the Office characters? I think you've got to take out... Michael Scott has to.
Michael Scott's probably in there.
Although, hmm.
What did you say?
Take out Cosby?
No, no, no.
Take out Animation.
Okay.
Just do sitcom characters.
Okay.
Who was that?
Okay, so I go George Costanza.
Number one.
No, no, no.
I'm not...
Okay, yeah, yeah.
He's very...
I think he could be one. I think he could be one.
I think he might be one.
Barney Fife is way up there.
You put me on the spot.
Michael Scott's up there.
D'Angelo Vickers?
No.
I want to say Philip Banks, but that show wasn't good enough.
I'm trying to think what other...
Alright, yeah. think about it.
This is one that will get people mad.
Alex P. Keaton is way up there.
Do a TikTok green screen tonight.
Yeah.
Okay.
And just do a tweet with just the top 10 and people will just go crazy.
I like that.
Could I use Claire Huxtable?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because she's pretty damn great too.
Yeah.
What are sitcoms?
I'm blanking on sitcoms.
Archie Bunker.
While we're on the Michael Richards thing.
Lucy.
Who was the...
Steve Urkel.
Yeah, Steve Urkel.
Oh, Steve Urkel.
Which character was the
as soon as he appears on screen,
everybody laughs guy?
Urkel.
Without even saying anything.
It's Kramer.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
It might be Kramer, right?
Kramer and Urkel the second they walk through a door.
Yeah.
Kramer could walk into a door and just the room erupts every time.
He does have like the signature way to enter a room.
Oh, wow.
Kramer entrance, yeah.
Gary from Veep.
Ooh.
He's pretty.
Jonah Ryan from Veep.
Jonah Ryan.
Did you watch?
I don't think you've watched V that's Elaine
hilarious show
you should watch it honestly
what did it stream on
Tracy Jordan
HBO
you ever watch Californication
no
was that Duchovny
has he ever played a different character Duchovny? Yeah. Little big Runkle guy. Has he ever played a different character?
Duchovny?
Yeah.
X-Files, right?
Yeah, but like a hot.
After that, I can't picture him.
He was the hand model in Zoolander.
Do you guys have shows that you watched a couple seasons and never, you just are, like
every now and then it will pop in your head and be like, I wonder how that ended.
Yeah.
I didn't go all the way with How I Met Your Mother.
I went about three deep.
Okay.
Spoiler, he met the mother I did Helicopter Inn
and watched the finale
and I was just as pissed as everybody else
I watched like two seasons of Weeds
Me too
I only watched one season of The League
and I had no desire to continue it
Yeah, that one doesn't really have a finish
I did two seasons of Dexter
Really liked it
Just didn't do it anymore
What was the one that was like the apocalypse
Leftover
Yeah I watched two seasons of that
No idea how that ended
I'm fine ending it on my own note
It kind of just fades
What was the Bloodlines
That was a good show for the first couple seasons
I just stopped watching it.
I pretended to like Westworld.
Oh, Ted Lasso.
I never watched that.
Westworld.
Season one was...
I pretended so hard to like that.
Season one fucked and then season two came along and I was like, I don't think I need to.
I was at a time in my life where shows had to be like a puzzle for me.
Shows had to be a riddle constantly.
I couldn't pretend to follow Westworld anymore.
I couldn't do it.
Season one wasn't...
Didn't Anthony Hopkins kill himself for something?
And I was like, that's pretty badass.
And then they're like, season two coming up next month.
And I was like, I don't think I need to.
We need a website that you can just click where you stopped.
I know that Wikipedia has the, but it's like each episode synopsis.
I'm not going to read all that.
Just give me a quick three-sentence summary of how it ended.
There needs to be a website of what season to stop at.
That too.
Or what season to start at because I think Parks and Rec,
you don't have to start until 3-1.
I hated that guy that played the city manager.
Yeah, Mark Brant.
Brant Danowitz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brant Danowitz.
And Chris Pratt's character wasn't good until season two.
You don't have to watch that show until Rob Lowe and Adam Scott get there.
You don't have to.
That's fair.
It won't hurt the plot.
How do you feel about season one of The Office, Brandon?
It's a necessary evil, but I don't really re-watch the episodes.
It's pretty funny, but if you've seen The British Office, it is just like a shot for shot.
Season ones are tough.
You could start The Office with season two, episode one.
The first deviation from The British Office was the...
The Dundies?
No, I thought it was the postcards on the floor.
Oh, Diversity Day?
Yeah, I thought that was the first non-British one.
Pretty strong deviation.
Yeah.
That was pretty goddamn funny.
The Sopranos, you could skip season five, I want to say.
Remember the Vito was gay.
That slowed down big time.
Oh, I didn't finish Sopranos. Oh.
I did two seasons. Called it.
That would frustrate you.
It gets... Season two, I
think, is the best. That's Richie Aprile.
Richie Aprile is probably the best. Yeah.
I didn't finish The Wire.
Really? Whoa.
I had trouble starting The Wire.
I stopped at three. Oh, no. Revisit it. Revisit it. That's very good. I stopped at three. Oh, no.
Revisit it.
I stopped at two.
Revisit it.
It's so good.
The wire's amazing.
You've got to finish the wire.
The wire fucks.
Or else what?
We'll fucking kill you.
Actually, you know what?
Yeah.
We'll ask you how your hair looks.
Does that mean I die?
I'll put you in a fucking car.
I'm not telling you, brother.
Oh, fuck.
I've got to find out.
I've got to find out.
Whoa. Oh, shit. I got to find out. I got to find out. Whoa.
Oh, shit.
What character?
What character?
Brandon's Olivia.
The mom.
Oh, that looks right.
That looks damn right.
You actually look like her.
You got to do.
The Seinfeld one freaked me out.
It was so good.
The Seinfeld one, Big Cat just looked like Jerry.
It looked like Jerry.
And KB looks like Gregor.
Kyle and Big Cat have two really good
faces for any head.
We did the NSYNC one too.
Big Cat is Joey Fatone and Kyle
is Chris Kirkpatrick.
Look at that.
You guys look good. Who's in the middle? is Joey Fatone and Kyle is Chris Kirkpatrick. Look at that. Oh, wow. I'm playing that. You can't see it.
You guys look good.
That's so cute.
Who's in the middle?
Brandon and Che and me.
Che is J.C. Chazet, right?
Yeah.
Oh, in the very middle?
Yeah.
There's Nick to the right.
I'm Timberlake and Joey Fatone, Big Cat is...
Yeah, looks like...
Spot on.
I'm Lance Bass.
So I'm either a woman or gay?
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't... Donnie pointed this out. I look like I'm Chris Clem or gay? Yes. Yeah. I don't...
Donnie pointed this out.
I look like I'm Chris Clemmer.
Wait, what?
My face...
You do.
Same jaw.
Great jawline, Brandon.
The League's an underrated show.
Based in Chicago.
Yeah.
Is it?
Oh, shit.
I didn't love it.
I thought they were all assholes.
No.
None of them were really redeemable characters.
That's what a fantasy...
Always Sonny is the same way. That's one of the greatest... Always Sonny redeemable characters. That's what a fantasy was. Always Sunny
was the same way.
That's one of the
greatest sitcoms ever.
That's always Sunny.
I haven't watched
Always Sunny.
How many seasons
are they on?
It's still good.
35 I want to say.
It's still really good.
It is?
It's so good.
I mean the first
10 seasons
are the funniest
shit ever.
Is it the longest
running live action
show now?
I believe so.
Yes, it's got some kind of record.
You guys like Danny McBride shows.
Yeah.
I think they're the best.
Brandon?
What?
Eastbound?
Danny McBride is a huge gap in your sitcom watching.
Oh, that's coming out to resume.
You don't watch Eastbound?
I watched the first three episodes. Vice Principals is good. Righteous Gemstones. Oh, Gemstones coming out to resume. Eastbound? I watched like the first three episodes.
Vice Principal is good.
Righteous Gemstones.
Oh, Righteous Gemstones
is awesome.
Gemstones I've told you about.
You would love Eastbound.
You would love Eastbound
and Down.
You would love
Righteous Gemstones.
And I think it holds up.
Eastbound and Down
is so funny.
Yep.
I think White Sox
Steve models.
Especially,
and I don't mean
this in a bad way,
especially being from the South.
Like Danny McBride from the South and he like peppers in a lot way, especially being from the South.
Danny McBride's from the South and he peppers in a lot of Southern characters.
The TikTok episodes I've seen of Righteous Gemstones
are pretty funny.
Well, when you see TikTok, you'll see some scenes.
And when I see Baby Billy,
or is it Baby Billy?
Baby Billy.
I'm watching all the shows on TikTok now.
I've watched a lot of shows and movies on TikTok.
You watch Yellowstone on TikTok, right? I watch watching Brecky Hill, Shade of Glass.
Right, exactly.
It's just tits, tits, sitcom.
That's a great ass call.
It's actually not bad.
Tits, tits, sitcom is a great tits, sitcom.
It's not a bad way to unwind after a week.
Tits, tits, sitcom is a great.
That might be the best.
The next step is TikToks.
Wow, yeah.
Kate said it first.
You know Brandon has downloaded that app that's advertised on TikTok. Teemu. Te Wow, yeah. Kate said it first. You know, Brandon has downloaded that app that's advertised on
TikTok with all the weeks. Timu. Timu, yeah.
It's like a Chinese
eBay, but they also leak nudes.
They use the nudes.
That's a great business plan. Yeah, dude, let's
combine those two.
I'd love to be
in that pitch meeting, but it's sold.
It's eBay, but we also leak
women's news yeah fuck it oh that'd be great to see on shark tank
you got to go back on dude it would be funny if we did we should do a yak shark tank i'd be too
nervous stupid erotic novel what's the how... What's the growth pattern for this?
Frank the Tank's gonna do the audio?
That'll be so... Oh.
It has to be his first time reading, though, so we
keep his bloopers and everything.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Frank is good. That's gonna be... I won't be able
to be in the room when he does that.
Yeah.
You'll have to be in the room when he does that. Yeah. Not another Brandon Astro.
It would be funny to have us in the room as a live studio audience.
We got to do that.
Yeah.
Can we use sound effects in the audio book?
Like have like the laugh track?
Yeah, we got to get a bowl of macaroni.
Splurge or splooge sound effect.
Yeah. TJ, search splooge sound effect. Yeah.
TJ, search splooge sound effect on YouTube.
Let's hear it.
Let's go into the weekend with a big ass splooge sound effect.
I want a soundboard for this audio book.
Splooge us, TJ.
Everyone sound like what you think it's going to sound like.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Oh, that was it.
I thought that was mood. It was mood, right? I. Oh, that was it. I thought that was move.
It was move, right?
I was like, move, coach.
Are you splooging?
Yeah, he's splooging.
Yeah, that's good.
That's a sploog.
That's good.
We just splooged everyone at home.
TJ, can you play the Japanese yeah boy?
You mean the Japanese bruh?
Yeah, Japanese bruh.
That's how Japanese say bra. Thank you. I was walking through the parking garage
at Soldier Field with TJ.
He's like, have you ever heard Japanese bra?
Nah, man.
I love the drum beforehand, too.
That's how they do it.
That's how they do it over there.
You got anything else?
Spin the wheel?
Spin the wheel.
I have a bad feeling.
It's a good Friday.
What's going on this weekend?
Jeff and Lenny's Halloween party.
It's Halloween.
Going to Madison on Halloween?
It's Halloween.
Oh, no.
When Titus says, oh, no, you know we're good.
He just can't figure this shit out yet.
I'm so bad at reading the wheel.
Yeah, we need pictures of the Halloween party.
TJ, are you going?
Yep.
What are you dressing as?
So I have a banana costume, but I just found out that there might be a couple Teletubbies coming, so I might go tubby mode.
Oh.
Link up with the tubbies?
Yeah.
You can't have the same costume as someone else at the party.
There's four Teletubbies.
What's the number one Halloween costume this year?
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's easy.
Yeah, it was trending towards Barbie Ken, wasn't it? Yeah.
Oppenheimer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, so many sexy Oppenheimers.
I'm the atomic bomb.
Slutty atomic bomb.
Yeah.
Last year we had a lot of Bethany Hamiltons.
We're there.
Oh, yeah, yeah. They tagged us in of Bethany Hamiltons We're there Oh yeah yeah they tagged us in the Bethany Hamilton
I guess if PFT and I went out for Halloween
We could be the atomic bomb
Right?
Oh my god
Yes
Yeah we should
That motherfuckers not real lady from the plane
Oh that'll be popular
She's coming to the office
next week. No way.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
Yeah. Dude, I'm about to. We have a
lot of questions. Hey, if you guys see
me dressing nice, don't say a fucking
word. You'll hear me barking from upstairs.
Yeah, I'm not going to tell you what day, so you have to
dress nice every day.
That's fine. Today's the day.
Shit.
Yeah.
Those guys are pretty silly on their podcast, aren't they?
Are they bothering you?
It is a little warm in here.
Take off your shoes.
Yeah, Tiffany Gomez, the goat.
I bet there'll be a lot of those.
Fuck yeah, I want to give. Gomez the goat I bet there'll be a lot of those Dude that's like the Drake album cover Of him sitting up on that
Needle
Oh bro I get that now
You see
Happy birthday Fasoli
Was this supposed
to be when he
was going to
Carbone
I think he's
out on a
shoot right now
oh
happy birthday
Fasoli
always working
always
the best
good dude
I gave him a lot
of shit but
good guy
yeah
and he takes it
personally
yep
he's one of those
guys you give him
shit it hurts
you bust his balls
you text at 3am are you mad at me
you got a really lightly
pepper in the shit with Fasoli
yeah he was
distraught that he screwed up advisors
but we got
through it he's just never going to go to
Carbone again ever in his life
he's not Italian
he hates Italian.
No, I'm going to pay for him to go to Carpo.
All right.
Well, yeah.
Next week, I think maybe Thursday or Friday, we will be on the court.
I think we'll have to do some kind of Friday competition for a cash prize that everyone in the office can do.
Maybe we'll do it every day
every friday on the yak tj is there a way to give money to the youtube commenters i think
legally speaking we could give them like an amazon gift card or something okay i was thinking about
it on my drive-in like if we had some kind of like either half court shot full court shot and
if none of us made it we gave the youtube commenters one i thought you were gonna do the uh steph curry deal where it was like steph if you hit this what what what was that
i'm too drunk um there was a situation where it was like steph curry if you hit this half court
shot uh we'll donate money to charity and just kept breaking every shot really that rules um
yeah but yeah we'll do some kind of competition that someone can walk away with cash in their pocket every Friday.
Which will be fun.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'll be back next week.
I'm hoping.
I'm getting induced next Wednesday.
No matter what.
I'm praying that you got things out of you.
But I'm hoping it happens this weekend.
Can I say a bad thought I had, Kate?
Sure.
Yeah.
No, it's not like a healthy child or anything.
Kate is so ride or die.
I was like, I don't know why this thought popped in my head.
I was like, is there a chance Kate might try to zoom in?
Yes.
While I'm in.
I see the baby screaming in the background. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Yes While I'm in Yeah 80% I Honestly
See the baby screaming
In the background
Push
And I was like
No no no no no
Don't put that out there
But yeah I put it out there
I'm drunk enough to say this
I was inside of the building
And I saw you through the window
Walking into the office
And I said
Oh my god
Yeah no
I saw her walking
To the car the other day
She was like limping
I was like
Someone help her
I'm having a little trouble
I'm having a little trouble But I'm having a little trouble.
But I just want to say I'm such a dork.
And I'm whatever.
I love you guys.
I love you.
I love you.
You got me a little Eagles onesies and the carrier and the diapers and like the whatever.
And you guys are the best.
And I've gotten so many awesome messages from Yakkers.
Love it.
Especially the Lady Yakkers.
There's some preggo lady Yakkers out there
that go through too
my bad
I'm going to miss
everybody maybe I'll be next
week I don't know but
whenever you're back you're back
I'm just a ball of love
love it
you have to go through like the most horrendous thing ever
it's going to be so bad I'm a ball of love and this is going to suck Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it.
Love it. All the way up to that thing, huh? It is funny that Kate sits here and we're like,
we want to see some pussies and tits.
And then she says one more and we're like, no!
Gross, too much.
What the fuck?
Kate will say tampon and I'll be like, fuck you!
TJ, pull up some tits.
My version of pussy is a beard And it's smoking a cigarette
It's gross
It's disgusting
Well yeah
Kate whenever you're back
You're back
And good luck
If we don't see you
Send a picture of
That little
Little fucker
Okay
I said little
We'll see you on Monday
Have a great weekend, everyone.
Stay safe out there.
Love you guys.
Bye.
Peace.