The Yak - Donnie Recaps His Treacherous Swim Across The East River | The Yak 8-27-21
Episode Date: August 28, 2021Ferry talkYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the Yaks. It's the motherfucking Yaks.
Brandon, they all heard the song.
You don't know.
It's the motherfucking Yaks.
It's the Yaks.
Sass is late even though he was here.
Yeah, he knows Dan's not here.
Big Cat's not here.
I don't see the reason to be on time.
What's in it for me?
Where's KB?
I think he's asleep. DeadB? I think he's asleep.
Dead.
I honestly think he's asleep.
Y'all got him up early this morning.
I guess.
Yeah, I mean, he got a free cruise around the harbor.
We're here with the king of the day, the wanton don.
King of the seas.
Take the compliment.
I would prefer king of the day.
He has his own compliment in mind.
Sass is king of the city.
I'm king of the seas.
Oh, you had to get out in the water because he's king of the city.
You had to go find your own kingdom.
Yes.
And we're going to fight in Rough and Rowdy.
It's going to be king of the city versus king of the seas.
We're going to see who owns New York.
You did challenge somebody in Rough and Rowdy about five minutes ago.
I'm challenging everyone, but I don't actually want to fight Ruff and Rowdy.
I would rather swim the East River five times.
But if 50K is on the table, I would do Ruff and Rowdy.
You challenged somebody specific.
PFT.
No.
You challenged Stefan Marbury.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would fight him.
I would get my ass
Kicked by him
That would be
That would be hilarious
Though I would gladly
It's three minutes
Of getting punched by Marbury
Did you guys have
The shoes that you got at
You would make it
All three minutes
I have a pair of shoes
Signed by him
Where did he sell his shoes
Starberry
Stephen Berry
Stephen Berry
I want to say Dave and Busters
No Stephen Berry
Oh was it
Yeah
Place was awesome
It was
It was like $9.99 sweatshirts, too.
It had the star on the side, the star with the little...
The Starberries.
Yeah, the Starberries.
Yeah.
I have a signed pair from him.
I went to one of his shoe signings on the New York...
No, he was...
I had come back from China, and he was signing shoes on the New York University campus, and
I just showed up.
I wasn't supposed to be there.
It was supposed to be only for students, and I just showed up. I wasn't supposed to be there. It was supposed to be only for
students. And I got in line
and when he saw me, he
actually knew who I was and he was like,
what the fuck are you doing here?
He was like, I thought I left you
in China. Maybe he didn't know
who you were. Maybe people just think that when they look
at you. He's like, oh, fuck.
Perfectly presentable.
Speaking of presentable, thinking of looking good, Che, you thought Donnie looked, oh, fuck. That was fine. Perfectly presentable. Speaking of presentable,
thinking of looking good,
Che, you thought Donnie looked good
when he came out of the water.
Dude, he looked jacked.
Here's my take on that.
I think it's easier to look jacked
when you have a shallow belly button.
Really?
Yeah, I think if you have a deep belly button,
it's easier to look like you have a gut.
Donnie, you have nary a divot.
I have sort of a midi because when I was young, I had an Audi.
I was very ashamed of it.
And then I slowly, I guess my gut just grew around it.
And now I kind of have it in here.
But it's still pretty shallow.
But yeah, I just have a great back.
I think my back is strong, and I think my arms are strong.
So you had good posture coming out of the water, which made you look jacked.
Which helped.
Everybody by scotch that picture.
Was that you that took that?
Yeah.
Photo creds?
Yep.
That's the only thing you did?
Uh-huh.
Pretty much.
One photo.
No, I got a couple photos.
You got a couple?
Sure.
I got a photo of the police boat.
Yeah.
You could have taken a video. That's something I could actually couple. I got a photo of the police boat. Yeah, you could have taken a video.
That's something I could actually use.
Nick got a video for the police boat.
For those that don't know, Donnie swam across the East River this morning.
Why?
Personal milestone.
Why?
Personal milestone.
Actually, I'll tell you why.
There's a quote from an article that was written in 2013.
I really think it sums up why I swam.
So I just want to read this if I can find it.
Yeah, here it goes.
Saturdays are for the boys.
There's a sense of obligation.
It's kind of polemic in the city.
Does anyone know what polemic means?
Nope.
Okay.
He does.
All right.
She said, if you want the water to be...
Can we get this mic on over here?
If you want the water to be swimmable,
someone should go and swim in it.
We're an island city.
We're surrounded by water.
We should make a point of using that water.
But you were covered in sludge
when you came out of the water.
This actually makes zero sense.
It was likely that there was human remains
on your body.
A lot of them.
Yeah.
But as I've said many times, the cleanliness of the water was my least concern.
It was the current and the boat traffic.
Which both ended up being fine.
Yeah, like Moses parting the Red Seas.
When I hopped in, all the ferries just cleared out.
Yeah, there was only one boat.
Well, we took care of that. the police boat there he goes looks like you're not moving huh oh i was i was cooking there
you were getting destroyed on instagram was he based on my first story of you swimming yeah
because you asked people people were saying you weren't going to make it your stroke your form
was terrible you weren't moving why are you. Your stroke, your form was terrible. You weren't moving.
Why are you wearing shoes?
I don't use my legs. Everyone was extraordinarily negative.
You swim like Lieutenant Bandit.
Five to ten seconds in, you started doing theatrics,
like schoolboy theatrics.
You're slowing down.
What?
No, no.
You seemed confident that this wasn't going to be a struggle.
There's a clip of you spitting the water, like showing off.
You had a showmanship?
I feel like you knew, right?
I feel like you did this recently behind the scenes, and you knew how easy it was for you.
No, I just always knew I could swim the distance.
I wasn't worried about that.
But I thought there was a semblance of doubt.
Wait, what was that clip?
What was that?
You're an inspiration to high school girls everywhere.
Yeah, so that puke, I don't think that was because I swallowed sewage.
That's because the boat captain handed me a double IPA as soon as I got out of the water.
The boat captain.
I felt like my stomach was off after I drank that beer.
The boat captain.
He kept using nautical jargon and telling me to do different tasks, and I didn't know what he was talking about, and I couldn't complete them.
And he just despised me.
I can't imagine there could have been
that many tasks going on on that boat.
He was like, you got to reach down under the cleat
and pull the string down.
He was dropping cleat a lot.
And I was like, please show me with visual examples.
I don't know what cleat means.
A good seaman can always find the cleat.
Yeah, and I couldn't get the ladder on.
I wish Big Cat was here to say that.
Yeah, he would have crushed that.
Oh, man.
Yeah, so you did it.
What's next?
The Hudson.
You did that so easily,
I felt like you could have went back.
I could have gone back,
but at that point,
the current was cooking.
And the boat traffic picked up a ton.
As soon as
you got out of the water there was like 10 ferries that went by do you think like we have parade do
you think there is like a um wait someone who works for the coast guard who's a big fan of this
show and just like called in a favor and he was like my boy's gonna be swimming across so like
oh they held it i don't know i don I don't know. I was shocked because I,
I went down there two mornings previously and it was jam packed with barges.
There was one barge that went by.
It was just filled with trash.
It was the grossest thing ever.
He said like a June parade.
It was filled with,
what was the joke?
So when we,
you,
you emerged in Chinatown.
No. Yeah. Well, it was, yeah, it was in Chinatown. No.
Yeah.
Well, it was.
Yeah, it was in Chinatown.
Was it?
It was a Chinese park.
It was a park frequently.
No, it is.
No, it's Chinese people.
Because I run past there.
No, it's lower.
It's lower.
They were Chinese.
They were not Chinamen.
If you walk across.
Are you allowed to say that word?
Only when I'm scolding Brandon.
Okay.
No, I know I did use it in a tweet once.
But you had a space.
I had a space?
You had a space between China and Min.
I don't think you did.
I don't know if I did either.
I mean, it's one of the least offensive terms you could use,
but it's still probably not a great term to use.
All right.
Well, I won't use it again.
Just go on ignoring them like you typically do.
Yeah.
If you had a single Chinese friend, I'd be like,
he can drop Chinaman every once in a while.
But have you ever...
Word, word, word, word.
Word, word.
All right.
Have you ever had a Chinese friend, Bryn?
I mean, define friends.
I thought you were going to define Chinese.
Define friend.
Well, not like...
I don't know where I'm going with this
Because I have no experience
With Chinese people whatsoever
Yeah
So you have to be
Especially careful
That's hard
So you emerged in Chinatown
And there was this elderly
Chinese woman there
There was a little posse
Well there was one
That was just dumping her trash
Into the water
Oh the bag
There was the baguettes guy
Yeah yeah
I sent Donnie the clip
No it was a woman
It was an old woman And she's dumped out a bag of trash And she had one more bag And it was filled to the brim With baguettes guy? Yeah, yeah. I sent Donnie the clip. No, it was a woman. It was an old woman, and she's dumped out a bag of trash.
And she had one more bag, and it was filled to the brim with baguettes.
There was like 30 baguettes just floating in the water.
Can we have Che play that clip?
Yeah, Che, can I text you a clip, Che?
Well, the fish will eat the baguettes.
Email it to Za.
Za.
Crazy move, though.
Just be throwing trash.
I swam by one of those baguettes and i was like what is going on um also like
were you scared of like uh is there fish or anything were you scared of fish you were scared
i was not afraid of fish because i'm way scarier things in there than fish i've got to be worried
about the fear of animals donnie were you scared of the fish? I was afraid of things that weren't alive.
Have you ever been fishing and a fish just
rubs against your leg?
That's fine. It's the weirdest feeling ever.
Are you just scared of all animals?
No, I just went down a deep hole
of bear and mountain lion
encounters last night. And then the next
in line is fish. Well, I already
had a fear of sharks. Deep in a bear hole. I went down a bear hole last night. And then the next in line is fish. Well, I already had a fear of sharks. Deep in a bear hole.
I went down a bear hole last
night. Damn.
Pretty interesting animals.
Pretty interesting beasts. So you
thought I couldn't do it.
Or you didn't want me to do it
because you thought I was going to die.
As soon as you got out there. The second we got there,
I was like, this is... So you and I spent
a lot of time together, a lot of travel.
You have yourself on the upper echelon
of Phelps and Usain Bolt. You think you're
an elite athlete at points.
We met up with a guy jumping off cliffs
and out of trees and you're like, yeah, alright, I can do that.
And you do it.
That's the funniest clip I've ever seen.
Come very close to death.
That was one of the funnier clips I've ever seen. Come very close to death. That was one of the funnier
clips I've ever seen. We have
a new clip in the Rediscovering
America finale. We met
up with that same guy and he was like, dude, I feel
so bad. I almost killed you.
Let's go do a new jump and don't worry, this time it's going to
be safe. I once again
came very close. It looked like I was watching
a game of Plinko.
Yeah, I fell through a tree
onto my head.
Jesus Christ.
What happens in the...
He did fall through a tree.
No, no.
What happens in the...
I can't even deny that.
What happens in the first clip,
it's like you're like,
look, I'm going to clear this, right?
Like, this is fine.
And the next clip is just
you sailing into the rock.
Yeah.
You hear our Colin Cooper, our
camera guy. Am I going to clear the rock?
Yeah.
Did not.
No, I was confident about this.
It was the current and boats and I got
extremely lucky.
We kind of botched. I think it was one of
the most anticlimactic
exits as there could have been because when i hopped out it was
uh we we had a camera guy there but he had like the wrong lens he was going back to get it and so
then it was just nick and sass sass was silent i got i got i got one way to go from me and it was
not very enthusiastic on my end in our defense defense, it was really hot over there.
It was so hot, I never felt heat like that.
Beating down on you.
I had about... That was the worst.
That was the pinnacle of your
near-death experience.
Look how sad that is.
Do we have audio?
Yeah, there was about
ten Chinese people.
Look at that shallow-ass belly button.
And then a lot of the Chinese people just started waving their finger at me.
They were all confused.
I love when people start filming and they don't know what they're filming.
People were just zooming in on our boat.
Yeah.
I wish I went from Manhattan to Brooklyn because I could have gone, no sleep till Brooklyn and then jumped in.
But instead I had to be like, I'll see you.
I guess that would have been worse.
That would have been sick.
Instead I had to be like, I'll see you in Manhattan.
It's a damn shame there's no songs about New York.
It's a damn shame.
Manhattan has never been mentioned.
I mean, there's a lot of New York anthems.
Are there any Manhattan anthems?
It's always, welcome to New York City.
What song is that?
That was Dipset.
It's a tourism commercial.
Dipset.
Welcome to New York City.
But you kind of overshadow it because you left and Ronan and Big Cat Witnessed a couple get engaged.
Yeah.
While you were swimming.
Maybe you inspired that.
That's beautiful.
Wow.
This guy's doing it because life isn't for a woman.
That's beautiful.
Yeah, that's definitely very cool.
Right there, I think he had to reroute because of a bunch of baguettes.
Yeah, just a ton of baguettes.
A whole bunch of baguettes just running right towards him.
This could be bad.
I didn't see that video.
Yeah.
That was one of the more shocking things that happened in the morning.
People just dumped trash.
Just the baguettes.
Yeah.
This person, like the, I can't imagine.
That's not even trash.
That's a ritual.
No, there was trash. That's clean. That probably makes the water cleaner. There was trash. There was trash. Yeah. This person, like the, I can't imagine. That's not even trash. That's a ritual. No, there was trash.
That's clean.
That probably makes the water cleaner.
There was trash.
There was trash.
Okay.
That means that that lady probably wakes up like every morning.
She's like, oh, fuck.
I got to go dump my trash in the water.
Garbage day again.
Yeah.
Well, baguettes are like probably one of the best forms of trash.
Yeah.
Old baguettes.
That's not trash.
Yeah.
Even old ones.
Old baguettes.
Yeah. They toss baguettes
after like a day, right?
They don't keep those
more than like in bakeries.
Yeah, I don't know.
Oh, there's a big flufferino.
Can we get the subwoofer cam?
That's Eli.
Can we switch over
to the subwoofer?
Eli's here.
Lizzy girl, come here.
Lizzy.
Come here, come here.
Whoa, hang on to your seats. Where's the dog? Oh, Lizzy girl, come here. Lizzy! Come here, come here. Whoa, hang on to your seats.
Where's the dog?
Oh, boom!
Eli!
That's a good dog.
Liz lets me watch her sometimes, and I always feed her Cheetos.
We got a bag of Cheetos here for Eli.
We want to see Eli.
Eli, come here, come eat something.
We got dark chocolate and grapes for you.
Hey, Eli. Hey, Eli.
Hey, Liz.
Oh, hey, Liz.
Didn't see you.
The fuck's up?
I understand I'm not as important.
I get it.
Correct.
How are you?
Oh, yeah.
Owen said he doesn't want to pet the dog.
Liz?
Not personally.
Dog smells like a dog.
I'm a big dog guy.
Yes.
What shade of brown is your little beast?
Which one? Oh, beast? Which one?
This boy right there.
Is that an euphemism?
Oh, it's a chocolate lab.
That is correct.
Eli.
With a hint of red.
A little salt and pepper.
I guess chocolate and salt.
Chocolate labs are dangerous.
This is dignified.
Hershey.
Talk to Augustus Gloop.
Would you say that, Brandon Parker?
I would.
That was a good one.
Tone it down immediately.
Brandon, you and the dog have a similar beard.
Yes, I just said that.
I got in front of it.
Aw, lazy Friday, huh?
A little lazy Friday for the pupperino, huh?
Just leave him.
What?
Leave him with us.
Absolutely not.
Why?
Why?
We're not going to do it.
We had a dog stay in here once.
Well, is he an aquatic mammal?
Fuck your dog.
Is he a swimmer?
I bet you Eli couldn't swim from Manhattan to Brooklyn.
Oh, he'd do it so fucking easy.
Eli.
That's a swimming dog.
Take it easy.
Take it easy, Eli.
That was good.
That was a good, nice little pup break.
We all need that sometimes, right?
There's relatable shit on the internet.
So the GoPro I used today wasn't working,
so I need one of you to redo the swim wearing a GoPro.
Was it actually not working?
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah.
Truly?
Yes.
I knew that before.
Then why did you have it on your head?
I didn't have it on my head.
I put it back on the boat.
Oh, okay.
So your GoPro wasn't working, and then the lens didn't fit on on my i put it back on the boat oh okay so your gopro wasn't working
and then the lens didn't fit on our side of the yeah i mean this was and max dropped his
we had fasuli on the boat filming the whole thing yeah and we had cory on the brooklyn side
filming the departure but uh and rob right wasn't he on our side fasuli i think he was the one who
brought the gopro i asked him multiple times, is it working? Is it working?
And then we showed up and like it just wasn't working.
I don't think it's like all his fault.
He claimed it was working when he turned it on before.
But I think he should have to swim it wearing a GoPro just so I have those shots.
Yeah, you do need that.
Yeah.
I think that's fair.
And did you go with the current?
Because you ended up like a mile past the square.
That was the only place I could climb out really. But yeah, the current picked up ended up like a mile past the square that was the only place i could i could
climb out really but yeah the current picked up at the end it started bringing me down so i was
like i'll just swim to that area it's called muscle beach not as in muscles as in as muscles
the shellfish uh yeah and that's that's where i was able to climb out and all the Chinese guys were
just
well they're
waving their finger
I didn't know
they're just cause they're like
this is where we dump our trash
they hang out along that
that river
for the entirety of Manhattan
there's a nice gym there
there's like these like weird
like simplistic ellipticals
that they always run
yeah
yeah yeah
like they're like seesaw
acoustic ellipticals.
Yeah.
They're like body weight.
They stay on them.
No, and I think that's great.
So in China, all the parks have those things,
and it's filled with 80 to 90-year-olds.
They're old.
Yeah, they're very old.
They age.
They're like 24 until they're 90.
Yes.
And then they're 90.
That's got to be scary.
And the reason they can pull it off
is because they're always
at those gyms
using the little ellipticals.
They're, you know,
they're staying mobile.
Yeah.
And you don't see
a lot of old people
out in the U.S.
What do you mean?
What?
I feel like...
All right.
When was the last time
you saw like a senior citizen
out in the park
doing some exercise?
In New York, not very often.
Well, other cultures, they go on late night walks with their whole family.
Really?
Yeah.
What cultures?
That's nice.
Indian?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think they're night owls.
Family night owls.
They'll be pushing a stroller at midnight.
Midnight on the dial.
Always weird when it's like midnight.
Did you have to make that joke?
We were talking about Indian people.
Brandon.
It's fucked up, Brandon. I don't even think you meant it.
I don't think he knew what he was doing.
Brandon's at a conundrum.
Does he claim the joke?
Or does he act? Which is it?
I thought it was just a well-placed comment.
That's all.
Well-placed comment right between the eyes.
Yeah?
Brandon?
Yep.
So, Owen, what the fuck's up, brother?
What up?
I was going to say Harry, Nick, and I walked home from the pier.
So that was probably as difficult.
It was miserable. How far is that too far it was just
like we were like we got off at chelsea pier right or we like we met up there so we took an uber from
uh the east side over to the west side to the chelsea pier and then i added a stop at barstow
hq for max the camera guy we should have just stayed in the Uber. Yeah, because we ended up walking.
We walked all the way back.
It was miserable.
Because we were like,
we planned on getting brunch after this.
Because we were like, we're already up.
We're like, we're already up early.
We may as well go get breakfast.
We planned that out last night.
I came up with the idea.
You were dying for a Bloody Mary.
No.
I was dying for food.
And we literally did not see one breakfast place the entire way from Chelsea Pier to the office.
That's hard to believe.
I swear.
We were on our maps looking.
Nothing.
Everything was closed.
Sounds tough.
Yeah.
It's not a great city.
Donnie, what did you eat before the big swim today?
Did you just go to Carboload or what?
Nothing.
I had three pieces of pizza at Borelli's last night, two Heinekens,
and then I drank a bunch of water and fell asleep.
And, yeah, I didn't eat a single thing beforehand.
I mean, I thought you guys were going to have some beers for me at the finish line.
Why did you think that?
No.
But there was a fan who showed up.
There was one fan, and I felt bad for him, honestly.
He was a Festooli fan, though.
Yeah.
I had to hop out of the water on the Manhattan side, hang out for a minute,
and then hop back in to swim back to the boat.
And the fan told me that he had a beer and a spliff waiting for me but he he chickened
out and didn't give it to me so i mean it was it was hectic yes yeah he was smoking it by up he was
i can't give this to you i'm too afraid i'm just gonna do it was a hot it was a weird environment
i kind of understood there was a lot going on yeah there was everyone was doing tai chi i thought i
had to get back to the boat yeah they were doing it with like paper fans they were like whipping them out they all pulled them
out at the same time it was like the most satisfying noise yeah it's good tai chi is good
i mean brandon you're starting to get to that age where like like you don't have to go to the gym
and pump iron but if you just go to one of those chinese gyms and just move your legs, it will keep you a lot more mobile and limber as you proceed into old age.
You think I will fit in in a Chinese gym?
It's not really about fitting in.
I mean, it's just about moving.
Also, it's not just Chinese.
Also, I have a personal trainer that I am working with this year, so I am fine.
You said this year.
When was the last time you worked with him?
It was 2021.
All right. Who would you time you worked with him? It was 2021. All right.
Who would you not fit in with there?
We're all part of the human family here.
A cultural competence exercise.
I just say, you don't want to end up being one of those 75-year-old guys who, like,
their gait is only a couple inches because they have-
I'm going to have a wide gait.
I'm going to have a great gait.
Okay.
There's going to be, yeah, fantastic gait on there. Good stuff. I don't know if I have a wide gate. I'm going to have a great gate. Okay. There's going to be, yeah, fantastic gate on there.
Good stuff.
I don't know if I have a good gate.
I have a weird walk.
I have a weird walk.
Yeah, yours has no rhyme or rhythm.
You have the worst walk.
Yeah, you have a very distinct.
It's nauseating.
You have a distinct walk.
I broke my ankle junior year of high school in like three places,
and I think it just never really healed.
Your arm flails. Does that correlate to the ankle it could it's compensating something about
it's for balance get up and do it do it because i think i can do it too this is donnie's walk
all right the aloof walk you guys walk like donnie
you're like mantis it looks like I'm limping See
I never noticed that
Oh stand up Don
Yes Don you walk
Don't think about your walking
Just do it
Alright no I will
Yeah I won't
No you will
It'd be hard not to
Actually now I do understand
He's here
I don't know where he is
No
Nah you're trying to be swan
That's not how you walk
Uh huh That's not how you walk.
Uh-huh.
That's not how you walk.
No.
You look like Steamboat Willie.
Strutting.
You can't do it.
You can't walk on command. Sometimes it's like I'm going.
No.
No.
You've never walked like that.
That's my fast walk. That's your fast walk. No, it's like I'm going to the money. No, no. You've never walked like that. That's my fast walk.
That's your –
No, it's not.
That's never been your walk.
Yeah, that's more like it.
That's closer.
All right.
I think I walk relatively normal.
All right.
Should we end it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Happy Friday from the boys on the pirate ship.
Oh, man.
When are you guys, when are you and KB flying out to West Virginia?
We're going to be a little bit late.
I got to swing by Champs at Penn State.
I was late for that.
I did miss that.
You weren't invited to that.
Can we pull up the video of Tivo running after Brianna?
Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah. Can we send it to them? Tivo running after Brianna?
Wait, what?
Yeah. Can we send it to Zoss?
What is this?
It's going to be a clips episode.
Send it to Zoss.
It's on someone's Twitter.
Oh, hold on.
I'll find it.
TJ, it's on someone's Twitter?
I'm finding it.
It's on Liam's Twitter.
Liam.
TJ, why are you wearing that hat?
You look like a Mortal Kombat character.
Even more so now.
All right, so this is so good.
There she goes.
What is this?
And where's TiVo?
Wow.
Let me see if you can spot.
What is this?
That's so good.
That's a line to meet Brianna and buy her merch.
But that's her under 21 meet and greet.
That jump is crazy.
She was crowd surfing and shit last night.
I mean, I didn't see that happening at the skeeball tournament.
I would kill to be there.
Yeah, a lot of old friends in line, Kyle.
A lot of good memories. A lot of good memories.
A lot of people there.
It wasn't an under 18 meet and greet.
No, it was under 21 at that point.
But then the over 21 was in the bar.
Really?
Yeah.
No, it was under 21.
It didn't have to be under 21.
Why can't I?
What stopped me from having that?
I think it was just popularity.
No, actually, no.
We'll do a KB college tour.
Let's do a KB pop-up.
Yeah.
A KB college tour.
We basically did a pop-up today.
Whatever colleges.
You should just do it at FIT.
Yeah, I mean, you already have like a toothbrush there.
We basically did a pop-up today where anyone that watched this show knew exactly
where we were all
going to be
including Big Cat
and Big Cat and Roan
and Donnie
who has a rabbit
and then
we had one guy
show up
and he kicked it out
from giving you a beer.
Something you're
chemically dependent on.
I didn't tell
a single fan
where I was going to be.
Yeah,
they all knew
where we were going to be.
I wanted to keep it hush-hush.
I thought Donnie would be mad at me if I gave him a beer.
Hey, Donnie, here's a beer and a drug.
I hope you're not mad at me.
That kid was like, what's up, Sass?
And I was like, what's up?
And then Nick left to go videotape Donnie because he was getting out of the water.
And then me and him just sat there and didn't say a word to each other for like 10 minutes.
That's on you.
Yeah, I know, but it was like awkward.
It was like 8 a.m.
So we were at the Borelli's pop-up yesterday,
and this dude came up to me in sass.
Oh, so sweaty.
Everyone.
A lot of day, I think it was a lot of Portnoy fans.
A lot of Portnoy fans.
Portnoy fans are sweaty old guys.
Men sweat in heat.
This guy came up on an electric bike, and he was playing out of the speaker on his bike
the one bite, like the accordion.
And then he comes out with his pizza, and he just yells, we got a lot of flop here.
And it's just me and Nick.
But it's just me and Nick.
It's just me and him.
He's doing a pizza review for us.
He's doing an impromptu flash.
And he asks if he can sit next to us.
And we were like, yeah, of course.
Like, we're not using the table.
And then Donnie makes the pizza.
Yeah.
And he's eating the pizza.
And he turns to me and Nick and he goes, he's like, who the hell is that guy that he gets to make the pizza?
Yeah.
To Donnie.
Yeah, he did not want you here.
But this other guy came up to us.
What did he rate it?
Asked for a picture with me and Sass.
He's like, you guys have the only two podcasts I've listened to.
But I heard him say that to Tommy as well.
Tommy and Trent.
Yeah.
But then he went up to me and you and he asked a question about Kyle.
And I don't know where this started, but he goes, is it true that everybody hates Kyle?
No, he didn't say.
He was like, it's true that you.
He's like, you don't actually like Kyle, right?
That's fucking made up.
What are you talking about?
And he's like, everybody hates Kyle.
You guys wrote that?
No.
No, that happened.
That actually happened.
No, it didn't.
I swear.
Get the fuck out of here.
But it actually did happen.
It 100% happened.
It's funny when you all clown.
Sass, let's flip the camera back to Sass.
You're getting close to the part of the skin that gets darker from just being close to your asshole.
Jesus Christ.
Well, maybe if we didn't have such a fucking thigh shawl on this show.
Is there a name for the part of the skin that gets a little bit dingy?
It's a natural stain.
You clean it.
You clean it.
It's pre-taint. It was the hair. What's the pre-taint? It's like spaghetti stains dingy. Yeah. It's a natural stain. You clean it. It's pre-taint. You clean it. It's pre-taint.
It was the hair.
What's the pre-taint?
It's like spaghetti stains in Tupperware.
It's going to be there, regardless of how clean you are.
Rest assured, it's clean.
It's just...
I've had it for a while.
I've had it forever.
When Jeff D'Lo came on the show, he brought a blanket So that he didn't have to show off his thighs
I think he wanted to show off his blanket
Because it says Jeff
Like a brown helmet
Yeah we know it's your blanket
He loves monograms
He does
It's Barstool's 18th birthday today
Alright it's almost young enough to be a smoke show.
What is your favorite Barstool memory from before you joined?
Or what would you be doing if you weren't working for Barstool?
That's a different question.
That's an entirely different question.
Or what are you guys doing?
Marty Mush said he would be living in a dumpster and i'm like no i think you would have a much more mundane life than that i
hate that question because i was i just was doing something yeah i would be doing that yeah i'll be
doing what i was doing yeah yeah i guess that um yeah my favorite barstool memory pre-Nick.
Shit.
Somebody help me out.
That's tough for all of us.
The thing is, I didn't follow barstool.
Why is the entire building shaking?
The entire building is shaking right now.
We'll let that pass and act like nothing happened.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Barstool building.
Kyle?
What?
Favorite memory?
I don't know.
I was introduced to Barstool through Ruff and Rowdy.
I was introduced to Barstool through my hiring.
I've never seen media like this, and I was like, this is amazing.
Then I started listening to KFC radio, PMT, and Francis.
This building's coming down.
What is happening?
It's just construction.
This sounds different than the construction.
Yeah.
Your voice sounds like you've accepted death.
Yeah, Brandon.
I looked at Brandon and I saw a look of legitimate fear.
I thought you were talking to Kyle.
Kyle's voice is like it's just construction. Kyle, what were you just looking at in your backpack?
Kyle, what did you just look at in your backpack?
He has his laptop open.
He also has his laptop out.
Something funny is going on over there.
You're always downloading files.
I don't have Wi-Fi at my apartment.
What?
You've lived there for a while now.
It's gone.
Oh, so you had it,
and now it's gone?
So you came by my building
when I wasn't there
to try to use my internet my
doorman said you there was a guy here saying that he left his phone at your house yeah and you were
trying were you just trying to stand by my door to use my internet give me permission to just yeah
i wanted to just stand by your door and use your internet did not care about meeting up with you
no you didn't tell me you weren't there. You didn't even text me.
Because I didn't have my phone. I lost my phone.
That's why I had my laptop. I needed Wi-Fi.
Why don't you have Wi-Fi?
It's complicated. No, it's not.
If you go in like a Starbucks,
can't you just use the Wi-Fi there? That's what I ended up doing.
Okay. But your first choice was me.
Yeah.
That couldn't have been convenient either.
Did you guys live really close to each other?
Very close. Maybe that was convenient. It was. yeah that couldn't have been convenient either you guys live really close to each other very close
oh maybe that was convenient it was what do you think you're going to have wi-fi us no yeah you
are have it on my phone you too can't keep you boys apart that's right inseparable no no we're
very very opposite yeah with an inseparable bond?
That's right.
I don't think I'm blonde.
But it works.
So you guys are very opposite.
So what KB lacks, you make up for.
What you lack, KB makes up for.
So you guys actually need each other.
I think they both still lack a lot.
You guys are two pieces of the puzzle.
Speaking of puzzle pieces, Kyle.
That's like your logo.
That's like your Batman.
That's my emblem.
You wear it on your chest.
Do you have a tattoo of it?
Do you have any other stories?
I've been in the trenches.
For real?
Y'all forget what my job was.
I diagnosed.
You were introducing pots to kettles then.
I was. I diagnosed. You were introducing pots to kettles then. I was.
Imagine having someone
diagnosing your son with autism
and they're looking at the floor
while they tell you
the most grave news of your life.
Will my son have a regular life?
Yeah, he could do what I'm doing.
I'm actually chilling, so he'll be fine, I guess.
So if you were going into homes, how would you know?
You would know.
There is an evaluation protocol called the MCHAT.
We actually can't diagnose.
You have to have a doctorate doctor you have to be a doctor
but we can um pretty much tell them like the go to the doctor you can pretty much tell them
without saying it that like yeah it looks like um asd tell them without saying it is that like a
shrug a facial expression for me yeah show it my bedside manner wasn't that great
did anyone like cry um it was a crazy it was like two ends of the spectrum
no pun intended like some some were like they they went out of their way to try to get the
diagnosis because there's scholarships there's financial benefits oh wow and then some were
like yeah like they were in denial and
they it was yeah like the the hardest moment of their life i got dark the hardest period
yeah so don't fucking joke about it i'm not no one was yeah if you want me to stop joking about
stop being so funny that's one that's the one thing.
What else?
Do we have an ad?
Yeah.
Don, do you want to read the ad?
Sure.
All right.
It's at the bottom.
He doesn't have the piece of paper.
I don't even have the piece of paper.
Also, grab Enrique.
All right.
I text him.
So when you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light.
It's mountain cold refreshment made to chill.
It tastes great.
From Coors Brewing Company in Golden, Colorado.
Why are you reading it like that? So slow down.
What?
Slow down, Brandon.
And celebrate responsibly.
Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart
by going to CoorsLight.com slash take.
Dude, you just had to steal my shine?
Yeah.
CoorsLight, as cold as the East River on a brisk February day.
And more refreshing.
Was that an ad lib?
Che does not like ad libs.
I read the entire text.
That was actually after the ad.
That was a bonus.
Hello, Enrique.
Enrique, happy birthday.
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
Early birthday.
Tomorrow.
Your party tonight.
We're all invited.
Everyone's invited.
Oh, good.
Are the listeners invited?
They can be.
DM me for details.
DM Enrique for details.
You're not going to say where it's located.
We won't say that.
It starts at 11 p.m.
And you did that so we could all watch
Rough and Rowdy first, right?
For sure.
Be sure to watch that.
Be sure to watch Rough and Rowdy.
30 bucks, 22 fights.
All amazing.
Chef Donnie will be fighting.
Supreme Patty is fighting.
Which has been glossed over.
Pac-Man Jones.
Pac-Man Jones. Pac-Man Jones.
Great card.
Multiple midget fights.
There was a guy that spit on another guy during weigh-ins yesterday.
And then I went and did some research on the guys.
One of them is like 1 and 11.
And the other one is like 0 and 4.
Really?
I don't know who will win that.
Shizat the Rizat is going to be there.
He's incredible.
But Enrique, your birthday party.
Yeah.
We're all invited.
We'll be going.
What was that?
So we're currently in our office expansion, so we just have a lot of materials loading in today.
So you're just hearing excessively weighted amounts of materials rolling into upstairs.
That's a jackhammer.
Nope, for sure not a jackhammer.
Demolition is over.
Okay.
Sounds mechanical.
Nope, just wheels. Just wheels? Yep. Wheels are the original mechanical thing. Okay. Sounds mechanical. Nope. Just wheels.
Just wheels?
Yep.
Wheels are the original
like mechanical thing.
Yeah, for sure.
Not a jackhammer.
Not a jackhammer.
Yeah.
Your party is at a club.
Yes.
What do I wear?
Whatever you want.
It's pretty casual.
I try to make it really easy
for everyone to get in and out.
I don't like holding people hostage
at a birthday event.
So just come, go, whatever you want.
Shorts are cool?
Yeah, shorts are cool.
Just look cute.
I looked at the Instagram for the place.
You're lying to us.
What do you mean?
It was not casual.
It's just cute outfits.
I mean, I go there all the time.
Cute outfits?
I don't own it.
Someone would go in this. You're wearing a cute outfit. I mean, I go there all the time. Cute outfits? I don't own a cute outfit.
Someone would go in this. You're wearing a cute outfit.
Someone would go in this.
Actually, KB's the one guy here that has plenty of cute outfits.
I do.
Okay.
Then, yeah.
I saw you go in that.
Yeah, I pulled up the Instagram, I guess, like Ariana Grande's brother
frequents.
I've never seen her there.
Dude, who gives a fuck about Ariana Grande's brother?
Are you saying we will all fit in at this place?
He hates me.
I'd say probably...
He's in a throuple.
You would probably stick out the most.
Just you're very tall.
So you don't have any tall friends?
Yeah, it's mad awkward.
Not a lot.
I just want everyone to know that until I went to college, I thought I was tall.
In my high school...
What?
In my high school, we were all Mexican and small.
This is all perspective now.
So you came out as short in college?
I came out as short in college, yeah.
It was more of a self-realization.
Wait, so did you go to a very non-diverse school?
My school was like 99% Mexican.
1%.
We had two Chinese people who were brother and sister.
Probably like four black people and like maybe 10 white people.
How did you guys treat the whites?
Everyone was good.
Brandon just made a face.
I got to look out for my whites.
Yeah, I know.
You got to make sure they're treated with respect.
Endangered species in my area for sure.
Endangered as in like hunting?
Are you from like Morrito?
I'm from just a suburb of Houston that just happens to be very Mexican.
I also went to the worst school in our district, which also ended up being the most Mexican school.
Based on graduation rate?
No, we had a pretty decent graduation rate.
What do you mean worst?
Just like we were the worst at everything and the poorest.
For example, I was on the tennis team for three years.
I don't know if we ever won a single thing in that time.
That's not really the judging point of a bad school.
The only thing we've ever won or did well in was choir,
and our women's bowling team won state.
Oh, good for them.
Women's bowling team?
Did you just have a ringer, one girl?
No.
It was a whole team.
They were all great.
So do you have a Letterman jacket?
I do, yeah.
I got mine my sophomore year.
Wear that in.
Pretty cool.
I gave it to my mom when I left for college.
Okay.
Yeah.
Very sweet. That's awesome.
Back to the...
Can I wear this to the party?
Yeah, I think you'd be fine. You think? to the party? Yeah, I think you'd be fine.
You think?
Yeah.
He doesn't.
I think you'd be fine.
Your boyfriend was excited that I'm coming?
Yeah, he is very excited.
You and Kelly said she's going now.
He's a big fan of both of you, so he's very excited.
What's your boyfriend like?
He could be my fan.
I'm not going to be able to make it.
Why? Can we ask? I've not going to be able to make it.
Why?
Can we ask?
I've got to be in the bed.
Whose?
Okay.
I haven't given you my address yet.
That's why he won't go
because if Brandon goes,
he will fuck you.
And that's a guarantee.
That's one of his caveats,
yeah.
Yeah, I'll come to your party
but I have to fuck you.
That's why we can't see
each other outside of work.
Brandon loves the limelight so much even on a gay man's birthday he has to make it about him no but it's understandable yeah good yeah if someone proposed at your birthday party would
that piss you off no i hate when things are about mean like when it comes to a birthday so you're
having a party at a club.
I'm just inviting people to come and go freely.
Are you going to be wearing anything different?
Do you have an outfit for tonight?
Yeah.
That you bought specifically for something from the closet?
Yeah.
Okay, that's admirable.
What, Brandon, what?
I got to go talk to Tyler O'Day.
I don't know what that is, so I'm just going to go. What he's saying.
Does Brandon Walker only have three toes? What's that got to do with anything? I believe he's saying silly Does Brandon Walker only have three toes?
What's that got to do with anything?
I believe he's saying silly things before he leaves.
Oh.
What?
That would be my guess.
Silly things before he goes.
There has to be a deeper meaning there.
Do you only have three toes?
No, I don't.
Were your feet showing recently?
I don't think so.
I've always got a closed foot, a closed shoe.
Is he trying to burn a lot of bridges before he leaves?
I'll be back.
I've got to go ask him.
No, that's not why you're leaving.
No, yeah, you don't.
You would bring him in if you wanted to ask him.
Yeah, we could easily obtain him.
You don't want everyone to find out about our relationship.
That's it.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, you can't stand up because you're hard.
Oh, that's why I can't.
Nice.
A real paradox.
Yep.
I remember those days.
Happy birthday, brother.
Thank you.
29?
Yes.
Wow.
What are you doing before 30?
Any big plans?
Ending it all.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's fine.
Life begins at 30. I mean,? Ending it all. Yeah? Yeah. That's fine. Life begins at 30.
I mean, listen, I feel 19, so age is no thing for me.
Physically feel.
Yeah, yeah.
Mentally, too.
Except for days where I'm at the end of it.
Let Kyle touch you.
He can tell when you feel 19.
Kyle?
Do you mind?
I told you
you never had to ask
oh you're
you're very warm
yeah he's wet
oh yeah
oh yeah
yeah I was just
in the fucking river
you never went in
I was on a boat
in the river
you were on the river
you just absorbed
the ocean around you
yeah
so what else is up
KB gets in the water and the level just starts slowly Or the ocean around you. So what else is up?
KB gets in the water and the level just starts slowly sinking. KB got in the river and the river was like, I'm all wet now.
Why is this guy so warm and wet?
Now that the river's talking now.
Steven.
Yes.
What is ABDL? uh steven yes uh what is abdl uh i thought this would be a fun topic of a conversation
why did you think that i saw a documentary i thought i thought it was kind of a weird thing
uh adult baby diaper lovers it's uh adults that dress up as full babies and act like babies despite being adults.
Do they fuck?
It's got to be.
That's been a thing.
I remember when there was a really expensive adult preschool in Manhattan.
Like adults could go and be like...
Yeah, but they crawled around
and did preschool activities
for a day
and they paid a crazy tuition.
Probably the same type of people that go back to Disney World as adults with no kids.
Oh, you have adult underwear in there?
What is that?
Adult diapers.
Bring them in.
I have to piss.
I kind of do, too.
Let's throw them on over our shorts.
Do you guys want to piss in them?
Yeah, piss in them.
I've gotten...
All right, fuck it.
My asshole is loose. Why? He's ready for them. I've gotten... All right, fuck it. My asshole is loose.
Why?
He's ready for tonight.
Just from holding in poops for too long.
Thank you.
Owen, grab me.
Wait.
Want to grab me one?
Your asshole is loose from holding in poops too long.
Yeah, I've taken some giant dumps that have just really stretched it out.
No, Owen, you've got to put those on underneath.
Why do you...
Do we have...
Who bought these?
Zah made a TikTok wearing one. Zah made a TikTok wearing one?
Stop, TJ.
I actually get two.
Did he just spoil a TikTok?
No, I made one.
Actually, go check out my TikTok.
Go to Dimidget Zimbo on TikTok and see what I used the Dolph Dyson for.
I swam past a couple of these this morning.
Yeah, that water was disgusting.
What do you think is grosser, though?
The East River or the Venice Canals?
The East River.
Well, the thing is Venice has been around for what?
Like 2,000 years.
New York's been around for 200.
I don't know.
I don't think the age really matters.
Well, it's 2,000 years of shit or 200 years of shit.
I think there's like a week worth of shit.
All right, now piss.
Piss and poop.
You thought you were big before?
Wait till people see you in these.
Wait, thought he was big what?
I thought he was big.
It's like on Twitter and stuff.
Oh, no.
Piss and poop.
Piss and poop.
It kind of looks like you have a solid print when you put that on.
Why don't you piss and poop?
Also, I have to say, from someone who watches the show,
all of you are like seconds from like Hole with these shorts.
Yeah, I know.
Seconds from Hole.
We saw his.
We saw his.
You're seconds from it.
There's rumor that I flashed nut or dickhead yesterday.
You said you didn't want to talk about that.
I don't care.
I got two separate DMs just being like,
Hey, Brandon showed nut or maybe head of penis.
They couldn't tell.
You can't keep it in.
I can't.
Yeah.
Is that your favorite part of the show?
No.
I was at a bachelor party again, and my boy with the big nut was there,
and he showed it, and it was bigger than it's ever been.
Doesn't someone not believe the big nut? Rowan thinks it's actually it was bigger than it's ever been. Doesn't someone not believe the big nut?
Rowan thinks it's actually two nuts, but it's not.
That's a disgusting nut.
No, it's just, you know how...
It's not the size.
It's the color.
It's the hue.
It's like eggplant purple.
It's like your shirt.
It is that hue.
No, it is darker.
Much darker.
Much darker.
It's the nature of the nut.
The nature of the nut.
Looks like the outside of a sweet potato.
Has he gotten it checked out?
Yeah, yeah.
His fiance's a doctor.
His other one's normal size?
Yeah.
Has he tried going to maybe another doctor?
Yeah.
No.
They said if it starts hurting, they'll drain it.
But they can only drain it by going in through the abdomen.
Oh.
That doesn't seem right.
I had one buddy with a big dick, and he would make a hamburger. You have a buddy with a big dick and he would make a hamburger.
You have a buddy with a big dick?
It would be ball, dick, ball.
It would look like a slider.
What was his name?
Michael.
I remember when I had a big dick.
I got
kicked in the taint one time.
How did they miss everything?
I know.
I was happy.
It didn't hurt.
That's a sharpshooter.
I was like, okay.
That's a small area.
So I thought I was good, and I was like, yeah, he missed.
Sweet.
And then I got home.
My balls started growing.
They grew to like three times the size and turned bright purple.
And I had to go to the hospital.
I ended up being like a friend's mom who had to take the whatever it's called, the ultrasound.
There was no damage.
It's just I got kicked in the taint so hard that the blood leaked into the balls.
That's fine.
Before they turned purple, though, I was like, I just got in a fight.
Now my balls are getting bigger.
That's like all the testosterone that's just like flowing through me.
You thought you earned it.
I thought I earned it.
I was like, so this is what being a man feels like.
Now I got the big balls.
Every time you fight, your balls just grow.
That's what I thought.
Some fighters just have massive balls.
Giant balls.
Giant balls are probably overrated.
I don't know.
Huh?
Can you have fun with them? People like them, I think. Yeah, I know. They do. I'm not going to say who I don't know. Huh? Can you have fun with?
People like them, I think.
Yeah, I know.
They do.
I'm not going to say who or how I know.
No, they're people like them.
I'll give people one guess.
What do you mean?
What could you be talking about?
Oh, man.
No, I'd say people like him.
I can confidently give you a confirmation there.
No one's like, well, I'm sure some people.
No one's like, ooh, small balls.
It doesn't feel good to get him sucked on.
I hate it.
It hurts.
I'm afraid of a torsion.
That's my biggest fear.
You're paying so hard, you suck.
Brandon, do you like it?
You're not sucked.
I'm not what?
Why are you so zoned out?
I wasn't zoned out.
I'm just, you know, I know when to get in the conversation and when to stay out.
I'd like you in right now.
I want you in right now.
I've said that to him a time or two.
Oh, Jesus.
Speaking of, who would be the funniest person in the office to watch take a spill on a banana peel?
Is that a Che original?
That's a Che original.
That is, come on, Che.
You've been daydreaming.
My favorite part of this little TV paper
is the phone number on top.
Oh, yeah, we do.
It's like for emergencies.
We actually have callers.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
No way.
Yeah, we've never really,
have we ever had a caller?
Not since we, you know.
Oh, that's for people to call in.
Tommy did it.
It was all callers.
I thought Stephen was putting his phone number
because you need to reach him about questions on what's on the sheet.
Like in case of emergency.
Here, about these topics, please reach out.
No, it's for the callers.
But what is the number, Che?
Are we opening up phone lines?
Yeah.
Maybe someone wants to wish me a happy birthday.
There it is.
Yeah, call in and wish Enrique a happy birthday.
Gotta get the computer up over there.
This will be my last time in the office for a while.
Oh, yeah.
Moving to Italy.
Moving to Europe.
You guys have the invite?
I mean, I know you're more accustomed to traveling to third-tier U.S. cities with me.
Do I have an invite?
You don't have a passport.
You have an invite.
You don't have a passport. I'll get one if it means I can go there.S. cities with me. Do I have an invite? You don't have a passport. You have an invite. You don't have a passport.
I'll get one if it means I can go there.
Yeah, you're welcome to visit.
What is the time difference?
Just so we know.
Six hours.
Yeah.
Six hours.
That's just inconvenient.
And you're living in like downtown Venice, are you not?
Wow.
You can't maintain a function.
We haven't found an apartment yet, but yeah, that is where we're looking.
We're looking for apartments there.
Now, are there like
Uber boats there? I think
so. I don't know if they
have an app for it or whatever. I
assume by now they have an app.
Are you worried that there's going to be too many Italians?
Yes. Yeah.
That's a major concern.
When I move, and maybe you can speak
on this too, but when I move from Texas to New York,
in the South, we don't have Italians.
Correct.
We don't have Irish people.
It's not like a-
We have whites and blacks.
A cultural group.
Also, you have more blacks than whites.
When I moved to New York, I was like, wow, look at this.
The Italians?
Other whites.
You were gawking.
Italian and Jewish people.
Italians and Jews.
I was like, wow, this is amazing.
Yeah, until it wasn't. until it wasn't until it wasn't
i don't know i think it's great i love it i love it brandon did you think the same way
wow this is amazing when you saw your first jewish man yeah no i it was it was something
first jewish man you met poked you up with your dream job that's true well no i i'd met a couple
more before i actually saw him face to face.
Oh, right.
I saw, yeah, saw some in the airport with the hat on.
Oh, okay, yeah.
The hat.
I get asked multiple times if I'm Jewish all the time in New York City.
In cabs, on the street.
That's just a thing, I think.
They go around and survey.
But I get it from people who aren't Jewish, too.
No, I got mine from a Hasidic Jew.
He was like, are you Jewish?
And I said, no.
And he said, well, bless you. Yeah, they don't try anything else. You think I got mine from a Hasidic Jew. He was like, are you Jewish? And I said, no. And he said, well, bless you.
Yeah, they don't try anything else.
You think I'm Jewish passing? No, because there was a
girl when we were doing Rediscovering Marriage, she came
up and she was like, you look exactly like
Seth Rogen. And Seth Rogen's the most
Jewish looking guy ever. I get Seth Rogen
a whole lot.
It's fine.
I think you're like a thinner Seth Rogen.
It's not bad. So that just means I love now. It's not. I think you're like a thinner Seth Rogen. It's not bad.
So that just means I wear glasses and have a beard and a white.
Yeah.
But it's not.
I mean, you could also mean you're.
It's nice to say who's not thin.
Yeah, you're right.
Like, hey, I'm not hot, but I'm hotter than Seth Rogen.
And you make dozens of Americans laugh.
I make dozens of people.
Tens of dozens.
Tens of dozens.
Even sometimes.
Who are these guys?
Let's put on some diapers.
Those are part of our engineering and product team who sit upstairs.
We have an engineering and product team.
What do they engineer?
They keep all of our websites, all of our sort of things that run everything going.
I notice you've been sitting upstairs more.
Are we about to lose you?
No.
I mean, I've always sat upstairs since day one.
Upstairs is so
much y'all didn't know me as much back then what were you doing upstairs i'm i'm part of the
business team i work under the our cfo i don't believe any of this yeah i do because i always
see you in like meetings yeah i mean mainly right now it's just because of the office expansion i'm
managing but that's really um i work for the finance team, technically.
Are we allowed to talk about the office expansion?
Sure.
What's going on with that?
Currently, Barstool is expanding about 16,000 square feet onto the rest of the third floor.
We broke ground like a week and a half ago.
Last week, last Wednesday.
Demo's completed.
We're now into framing and laying out all the rooms.
What are they adding?
We're adding studio space,
conference rooms and seating mainly.
We just have so many people, we need seating.
What about, are we going to,
can we talk about what's happening below us?
I don't know if we can talk about that.
Oh, the son of a boy dad studio.
That's right.
I didn't want to talk about it, but okay.
Oh, I'm fine talking about it.
That is right. Go sass what oh i already said yeah throwing the studio in yeah and that'll be awesome it's like uh it's big as fuck it's big as fuck that's all you need to
know yeah it's interactive too it's just open yeah fans will be able to come in hang out so
every episode will be a live show.
Watch the show live.
Be ignored by a little sass in real time.
I did not ignore this kid.
It was more just extremely awkward.
I'm an awkward person.
That guy's so lucky.
Sass just ignored him right next to me.
He was like, hey, what's up, man?
I was like, what's up?
And then that was just it.
And then we just sat next to each other.
If you had talked to him, then maybe you could have gotten the beer and the spliff. I was like, he was like, hey, what's up, man? I was like, what's up? And then that was just it. And then we just sat next to each other.
If you had talked to him, then maybe you could have gotten the beer in the spliff and he would have felt more comfortable handing it to me.
That would have been a crime.
I think he was just like, these kids clearly don't want to hang out with me.
I think that's what he thought, but that's not what I'm, like, I wasn't trying to give
Let's run through the simulate.
Let's play it back.
I think if Sass had been like, yeah, are you here too
to watch Donnie?
Yeah, we're having a blast.
What's up?
He was like,
hey, what's up, Sass?
And I was like,
what's up, how's it going?
I don't think you're
understanding the...
The exercise is run it back
and try to say something.
What would you say?
Can I do it?
Yeah, you do it.
You be the guy.
Hey, what's up, Sass?
What's up?
Oh, you're being Sass now?
Oh, you're being me?
I have no other choice.
You're refusing to be you.
What's up?
Not much.
How are you?
Oh, I get it.
You have to be yourself.
Yeah, yeah.
You just basically did what I did.
I know, but...
I'd be like, can you believe this guy
swimming across the fucking East River?
I know, it's crazy.
What do you think of it?
I'm just pissed I had to get up so early.
I can understand that.
None of this would have happened.
He would have said, what's up?
And you would have ducked out.
You would have been gone.
No one would see you for a week.
This is too much for me.
I can't deal with this Donnie guy.
He's always doing different shit.
Yeah, he does a lot.
It looks like he's doing surprisingly better than I thought.
I thought he wouldn't even make it across.
He seems fine.
Oh, for sure.
I knew he would make it across.
Yeah. All right. Donnie, farewell.
Safe travels. Enrique,
congratulations for crossing the river.
Enrique, happy
birthday. Tyler O'Day, if you're out
there, we will miss you. Thank you for everything.
Che's
TJ back there.
Thanks, guys. Let's have a good, safe weekend.
Is that it?
He's closing.
Closing, yeah.
Curtains.
We never close the show like this.
Well, it's the end of the week.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
I'm going to be out all next week.
Sass is out all next week.
Still going to do the Yak?
Probably not.
No.
No, he said we can't.
Bad news, fellas.
Well, good news if you want to sleep in.
Till 1.
All right, that's the Yak.
Have a good, safe weekend.
Bye, Ruff and Rowdy.
Just stay safe.
Bye, Ruff and Rowdy.
Support Chef Donnie.
Support Chef Donnie.
Cheer him on.
He'll win.
I promise.
Hopefully.
What do you guys think?
All I want for my birthday is for Chef Donnie to win.
I think Chef Donnie has got more fight in him.
I think Chef Donnie's got a lot more fight in him, but that guy is, like, big.
He's jacked.
So he's jacked, but does he have a lot of experience boxing?
It could just be, like, for show.
Like, I'll gain muscle real quick, but, like, it's all show sometimes.
And Chef Donnie was like, okay, this guy's bigger than me.
So for the past months, he's been doing cardio three times a day.
So he's very in shape, hasn't drank, hasn't had a carb.
Cardio is by far the most important thing in boxing.
It's three minutes, but those three minutes feel like three hours.
It's crazy.
I don't like – I've never like experienced it, but I just like always am amazed by like how –
I'm like, damn, these people are like everything, every ounce of energy in their body is drained in like two minutes.
It works every single body.
Yeah.
The adrenaline to it just drains and you're just exhausted.
I imagine it's like doing one of those like cow bikes where you're using your legs and
your arms and you do it for 30 seconds and you're like scared of how tired you are.
Buy R&R.com.
30 bucks.
Best 30 bucks you'll ever spend.
Maybe.
Definitely.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Did you draw the act style and stay for a while? It's the act.