The Yak - Francis Has a Strong Effect on Women | The Yak 4-4-23
Episode Date: April 4, 2023It's improv guys, play alongYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
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ready for spring with your roback so when you eat that many mangoes does it change the composition
of your skin at all skin carrots turn you orange what turn you yellow right oh the beta caroline
i think so there are i think tomatoes turn you orange.
You see that man that turned himself blue?
No.
You think of that silver?
Colloidal silver.
Yeah.
Turn yourself blue.
Turn yourself blue.
Never saw that.
But there was a Scrubs episode where one man was red, and it was because he was eating
no, he was orange because tomatoes turn you red and carrots turn you yellow, and he ate
nothing but tomatoes and carrots.
Oh. Yeah. a lesson on palate i remember one time when i was oh maybe fifth fourth grade i ate a whole sleeve of i got a big thing of all cherry lifesavers they had like all cherry pack
i ate like 500 of them in a sitting then Then my pee was red. I thought I got my period.
Oh.
Early.
I was real excited.
I told my mom I got my period.
I didn't.
Is that a moment of excitement?
Yeah.
No, it's extreme embarrassment, right?
Should it not be?
It's extreme embarrassment, but also it was like I may be about to grow tits, which is very exciting.
Oh, yeah.
That is exciting.
Which I didn't.
But that harkens back to an old Yak episode when we discussed what everything was, whether
it was poo or pee.
Right.
Yeah.
Lifesavers are pee.
Yeah, lifesavers are pee.
Yeah.
Because you suck it, it becomes a liquid.
Lifesavers are a liquid.
When you chew something, doesn't it become a liquid?
No, because it's a sludge.
Yeah, a sludge, I guess.
It's just kind of a decomposed solid.
But Feidelberg's poop has to be the
consistency of like a fruit roll-up what why heidelberg's eating like 60 servings of mangoes
a week why he's like hooked on him he's eating like frozen mangoes three like five pound hydrated
dehydrated yeah huh i wonder why they're they're phenomenal fruits I think it's my favorite fruit
I don't think I've ever had a mango itself
I've had mango flavored things
But never the actual fruit
Mango water ice, the best
Mango jello shots, the best
Just a straight mango in my opinion
It's better than the flavor
I think mango's overrated
I think it's a tertiary fruit
That gets the limelight of a secondary
Or yeah It's a tertiary that gets the limelight of a secondary.
Yeah, it's a tertiary that gets the limelight of a secondary.
If anything, it gets less limelight than it deserves.
No, it's always in packs of flavors. Taste-wise, it's the best.
I'll tell you what gets more light than it deserves, lime.
Because it's actually in the word.
You just use limelight, and it's not a great fruit either.
Lime is great to be paired.
It is the secondary flavor.
Maybe kiwi.
I think kiwi and mango both don't get the credit they deserve. Well, I think lemon can be a. It is the secondary flavor. Maybe kiwi.
I think kiwi and mango both don't get the credit they deserve. Well, I think lemon can be a star flavor or a secondary flavor.
I think lemon's a star flavor because it can carry on its own.
There's no mangoade.
I'll tell you that.
It's because you can't replicate the taste of the actual mango.
Well, grape is interesting because grape, the fruit,
tastes nothing like grape, the flavoring that we accept as grape.
Right.
Nothing like it.
Purple.
Right.
That's just purple.
How'd they get there?
How'd they decide that's what grape tastes like?
Because it doesn't taste like actual grape.
Hey, Sass.
How you doing?
I think your mic's off.
It is.
What's going on, big dog?
Nothing.
Not a big deal, but why in the fuck are you late?
We were doing, we were filled with something.
All right.
How'd it turn out?
Fine.
Hell yeah.
I'm pumped now.
Good hype, good hype.
I can't wait to see it.
I don't really know what we're going to do with it, but we'll see.
What's wrong with you?
Yeah.
You should be here.
I don't know where you went.
I'm going to be along directly.
That'll be fun.
What else do y'all want to talk about about i was only going to do mangoes today i've been thinking about plantains a lot lately have you guys really been on my mind this is day two of plantains being
on the prep what's the best type of plantains and why sweet fried or chips you guys didn't talk
about it yesterday so i figured sure as hell didn't no we't. Why would you roll plantains over on the prep sheet
if we ignored it? That was a carryover topic?
I feel like you guys ignore things a lot
but you just do it because you don't see it.
I saw plantains. There's nothing we can
talk about. We don't eat enough plantains.
Well, then maybe that's your problem.
Is that an insult?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
Hey, Rowan.
Rowan, what's up?
Are you filming something?
We were down at the, what's it called?
Did you say what we were doing?
He didn't say.
Why not?
I don't know.
He's very coy about it.
Is it the Trump thing?
What was the scenes?
It was really weird, to be honest.
A lot of special needs folks over on the Trump side.
Someone dropped off a short bus there,
and they all just scurried out in American flag uniforms.
These, like, conservative New Yorkers,
or people who travel in there.
This guy was a tobacco farmer from Connecticut
that he's talking about.
Okay. There was a couple. There was a handful guy was a tobacco farmer from Connecticut that he's talking about. Okay.
There was a couple.
There was a handful.
You have tobacco farms in Connecticut?
Absolutely.
Even though they still had, I don't even know if it was a thing.
I thought all tobacco farms were in North Carolina on the road.
Tobacco leafs, huge.
They're big boys, aren't they?
They're an impressive field to look at.
Yeah.
They're like four feet tall, I guess, but they're wide.
They're wide plants.
You get sick even picking them when you're not used to it, right?
I don't know.
Like touching them, I think.
Well, I think they're like, yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
It's like dune.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I only saw the first hour, bro.
Is that how it ends?
Yeah.
No, it's just the spice.
You get hooked.
You get hooked on the spice.
Fuck. No, it's just the spice. You get hooked. You get hooked on the spice.
They're doing a taste test competition.
Frank versus Kamasta versus Eddie over there.
These guys are heavy hitters.
What are they tasting?
All kinds of things.
Sweet snacks, salty snacks, fast food menu items.
And they're hitting at a high rate.
Would they have to identify the food?
Yeah.
Who's running it? Why isn't Zaha in it? Yeah, Zaha. He's our best taster. He identify the food? Yeah. Who's running it?
Why isn't Zaha in it?
Yeah, Zaha.
He's our best taster.
He's the best taster.
He's the best understanding of textures, and he's the best descriptive words.
Maybe that's a better word for taster than taster, because he wasn't really a taster.
He was just deciding what it was based on how it felt. Your brain can look at anything, and you automatically know how it would feel like on your tongue.
No.
Yeah.
That can't.
Can't I think of things I think of how it would feel on my hands?
Yeah, you can think of how it would feel on your tongue.
Is it ever wrong?
Never wrong.
God, I think you're right.
Yeah.
I looked at that mic, and then I looked at that camera.
You know.
Yeah.
Well, these are all things I've tasted before in some capacity.
Sure.
But I think you can look at something and you can just tell.
What?
You tasted a camera?
You just like gnaw on it with your mouth.
I got a calculator.
There was this grippy calculator I got for my birthday that, it wasn't from like my parents.
The principal gave it to me.
She carried it around a basket, but I was gnawing on the grip.
It got stuck in my braces.
I had to go to the orthodontist to get the calculator out of my braces.
Was that embarrassing at all?
Yeah, pretty embarrassing.
That's fucking brutal.
Were they nice about it or were they like, we see this all the time?
No, they were just like, how'd you do this one?
I was like, it had like a grip.
It had like a rubber grip on the side.
And it was like a perfect texture for a quick gnaw.
Yeah.
I never chewed on pen caps, though.
Never a pen cap guy.
I had a couple pens explode in my mouth from chewing on them.
Yeah.
Terrible.
It was always so funny when you'd look over and it's kid's mouth would just be blue.
Yeah.
Dark blue.
My boy Schilling Rodalker choked on a pen cap.
He wasn't.
He didn't fuck with you.
He did.
I went to all his parties.
Are you going to his wedding?
He's already married.
Somebody named Schilling Rodalker threw a bunch of parties? Yeah. He to all his parties. Are you going to his wedding? He's already married. Somebody named Schilling-Rodacher threw a bunch of parties?
Yeah.
He had the best parties.
Parents are hippies.
He had a lot of lizards.
You would invite the whole class.
There was only a class of 20, and then the parents would make him invite everyone.
Best parties.
His backyard had a collapsed mine in the back.
Oh.
Yeah.
What kind of mine? Cobalt? No the back. Oh. Yeah. What kind of mine?
Cobalt?
No, probably just coal.
You think there's cobalt in the United States?
Shit.
What is cobalt?
Cobalt goes in everything.
I was reading a long read on the train yesterday about the mines in South Africa.
It happens here in the
states too but there's like mine holes all over west virginia that you don't know about because
like people like bootleggers dug them into the sides of the main whatever's and anyway the cobalt
miners going crazy are these the ones that will collapse on them and they'll they're like that's
all on tiktok they were dragging them out of the holes yes yes aren't kids it's a big kid activity kids yeah tiny little hands cobalt goes with everything
we have one million tons of cobalt in the united states okay some of these guys though
random did you ask if there's any cobalt in the united states there's a million tons
like you freaking if you asked me the weight of the earth,
I wouldn't have guessed that high.
There's all this cobalt,
but we're going to South Africa
to dig it up so we can have smart cars.
Bro, let's just go fucking to Idaho.
That was a very random collection of states
that had cobalt in it.
Yeah, what?
Missouri, Alaska, California, Idaho,
Montana, Oregon, and Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania is mineral rich.
It sounds like there's a strip right there across the middle of the top of the country.
With Michigan and Oregon.
Why not Ohio if Pennsylvania has it?
It skips Ohio, yeah.
Lake, maybe.
It's got to be the lake.
It probably washes it away.
Cobalt's a good-ass color.
I wanted my room to be cobalt.
What color is cobalt?
Everyone's allowed.
Blue?
What's the only great lake that is entirely in Canada?
Superior?
Ontario?
It's Ontario.
That would probably make sense.
Yeah.
What do you mean entirely?
I thought it was a natural border.
I thought that...
Oh, there's one lake that's only in Canada, right?
What?
Every lake border is a U.S. too.
It's either Huron or Ontario.
Like Victoria? Well, that's not a great.S. Either Huron or Ontario. Like Victoria?
Well, that's not a great lake.
No, it's pretty big.
Do we have Francis on?
Looks like he's lingering.
He's lingering.
He does this.
He's not going anywhere.
He has nowhere to go.
I just saw him eat a salad, so it's not lunch.
Invite him in and say no.
That face that he made is so funny.
That's not your role.
Walking slower than Norm, Wellis.
Is this a casual stroll?
Yeah.
Yeah, the dessert's typically in the main lobby.
No, I was going to go through that way.
Some dessert.
To the snack closet.
What?
The snack closet is entirely on that side of the office.
Some days, you know, you just say to yourself.
You plug what you need to fucking plug.
You're on the yak.
You can usually feel it.
Dude, Francis was on a son of a boy dad TikTok.
And little known, unbeknownst to him fully, it went viral.
And it was all black women lusting after Francis.
Really?
It went viral exclusively.
Really? It went viral exclusively because the black
community, women,
were just going insane
over Francis.
Why? Didn't you say you were going to give
up interracial porn?
It implied there's something to give up, though.
Oh, I see.
Was that what did it?
That's probably what it was.
It's interesting, because you'd think that they would not have liked that.
No, it's like a sacrifice. That does say that you've been Yeah. It's interesting because you'd think that they would not have liked that.
No, it's like a sacrifice that means a lot to you. It's like what, you're giving up for Lent?
Yeah.
Yeah, people give up like fucking sweets and like chocolate milk, things they love.
Lent follows Black History Month where I go heavy on the interracial.
Yeah.
You don't even need to go interracial.
You can just go straight black.
Let's taper back.
I want to get technical. I like to be able to go interracial. You can just go straight black. Let's taper back. I want to get technical.
I like to be able to relate to the protagonist.
I was going to say, that's the most racist thing about me.
I need a white dick.
No, I need a white dick.
A little white dick.
I don't even care if it's attached to a black body.
No, the white dick could be on a black body.
That's fine.
I need a white dick.
In porn.
Yeah.
Not in real life. did you guys already talk about
how the uh thing went you're not talking about no we we could talk about it we barely touched on it
uh it was it was kind of it was just weird the way that sass described it was like the freaks
came out it was just like the weirdest people but it was kind of nice because it's not so, it's not like charged along like racial lines or it's not like the divide
isn't something that people even care about.
They just care about representing their side.
And so it just brought out a lot of people dressed in like diapers
and like with their titties out.
There was a black lady painted white and she kept on saying,
I'm a white woman.
And then they were like like what was happening?
She was asking people
to smell her diapers.
How was Jack Mack doing?
He was leading the chants.
Jack Mack.
He had a fucking drum
like he was in the Civil War
fucking playing some
playing some ditties.
It sounded good though.
Finally got to dust off
that Riley Cooper jersey though.
No one had a Trump 47 Patriots jersey. No way. We got to dust off that riley cooper jersey though no one had a trump 47 patriots
no way we got to stop calling him 45 start calling him 47 speaking into existence the trump side was
definitely winning all the reporters were on the trump side they were way more rowdy they all had
cool costumes on the other side was kind of just like there's some guys there's a guy in like a was one
outfit and a trump mask there were some like really sassy gay gay guys that were like holding
it down with like whistles and shit like that but uh cowbells brandon you would have loved it over
there a lot of cowbells where is it uh it's like the financial district is between the mouths of
the brooklyn and manhattan bridges huh it was interesting though it wasn't too like it wasn't between the mouths of the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges.
Huh.
It was interesting, though.
It wasn't too, like, it wasn't so crazy,
but it was definitely interesting.
Yeah, it was cool to see. It was like the kickoff of, like, a season.
It was like the season opener kind of protest and shit like that.
I kind of expected there to be, like, beers and stuff down there.
We were picking to get fucked up.
Yeah, so that's no fun.
Right.
You want to go back after and get fucked up?
I know, yeah.
I would get drilled there. Yeah, that's's no fun. No. Right. Do you want to go back after and get fucked up? I don't, yeah. I would get drilled there.
Yeah, that's how it went.
Francis, what do you know about cobalt?
Cobalt?
Isn't that the main mineral that is used in batteries for electric vehicles?
How much cobalt?
There's none in America.
How much cobalt do you think it is?
I know that it's found, the big deposit of it is the Democratic Republic of Colorado.
Yeah, most of it's there, but it's crazy how there's none in America, right?
I didn't know that, but yeah.
And the Chinese got there first.
How much would you have thought there is in America?
How much do you think there is in America?
Is there like a joke here?
What's happening?
I thought that there was none in America, and there's 100 trillion tons.
One million tons.
One million tons.
That's a lot of cobalt.
One million tons in the United States.
I was like, there's none here.
And we could just get it locally.
Are we mining it here?
What are we doing?
How much does the world weigh?
Yeah.
Tons.
A lot.
KB, you said you would have guessed a million.
A million tons?
I wouldn't have actually. I don't know. I don't know. What do you would have guessed a million. A million tons? I wouldn't have, actually.
I don't know.
I don't know.
What do you weigh?
How much do you weigh in the world?
I'm sure there's some sort of formula that you could...
How much tungsten is there on the earth?
Okay.
What is that?
My second guess.
How about in pounds, though?
Yeah, in kilograms?
Yeah, I got to know pounds.
What?
So, a lot.
Look up how many tons.
What does that mean?
Can you just spell out The number for me?
I think it would just
Be too big
The number's so big
That to write it out
Is
You have to
What is this called?
Exponential notation
Is that right?
I think so
You absolutely know
What it is
If you said it like that
Lucky guess
Scientific notation
Yeah
Scientific notation
Scientific
What is it?
Scientific notation
Scientific notation
I don't fucking know I keep my headphones So the black women love you Those headphones don't work Scientific notation. Scientific, what is it? Scientific notation. Scientific notation.
I don't fucking know.
I keep my headphones.
So the black women love you. Those headphones don't work.
That's why I'm sitting over here.
I didn't necessarily know that, you know, that black women liked me.
I've not known that.
How long ago was the TikTok?
Like a month ago.
It was what you're giving up for Lent.
So it was at the mouth of Lent.
I've had one experience of a big group of black women loving me.
It was on Halloween in Pittsburgh.
I was wearing pink sweatpants, pink sweatshirt,
a pink beanie, and a shoe on my head,
and I was a chewed piece of gum, and they loved it.
Like camera.
One of them brought me over to all their friends,
and she was like, you've got to see this guy.
Damn.
But that was it.
That was the last time.
There's probably been other times.
I promise you.
Except every day when I walk into Ebony.
Yeah, she loves you.
Yeah.
Walk straight into her?
Walk into her.
She's generous with her love, though.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hate that.
I've decided I'm gonna start calling her Ebony's or Splooge.
That's fucking good.
I don't think she's gonna like it very much.
You think she'll know who Ebenezer Scrooge is?
I think she'll know who Scrooge is.
Scrooge for sure.
Brandon, you got a glitter on your forehead.
Uh-oh.
On your top left forehead.
You're the strip club brother.
I think I do.
Upper quadrant.
You do.
It's above your left eyebrow.
Yeah.
The light's not hitting it right now, but it was just hitting it.
Where were you?
Just, you know, playing with my kids.
Playing with Jenks again?
No, playing with my kids.
He's now moved on past the Yak, and he's down.
He took Lenny balls.
Yeah, he's got bigger fights to fry.
Francis, you know who this dude Jenks is?
No.
Jenks has been taking people in the office, picking them off one by one,
taking them to Knicks games, whining and dining them,
taking them to the second row, sitting underneath the basket,
just showing people a good-ass time, just picking them off.
Who's he got so far?
Che, Brandon, Glenny Balls.
Frank, Stu.
Frank, Stu, yeah.
Glenny Balls, yeah.
Feels like there's a couple more, too.
He's been taking a lot. Nice guy. If you say it, he'll take you on one. All like there's a couple more, too. Yeah.
He's been taking a lot.
Nice guy.
If you say it, he'll take you on one.
All you got to do is say the word.
That's okay.
I don't need to.
Okay.
That's kind of what I say.
Play along one time, guys.
I'm not that socially motivated.
No.
I'm too awkward to go.
We're not motivated to go to a basketball game at all.
If I went to a game with you guys, I wouldn't feel obligated to talk to you guys.
I've done that before.
I just... First date I just first aid energy
if I took you to a game and you didn't say
a word to me I'd be troubled
why?
fuck all the time
I'm not
the purpose of bringing you to the game
is I think you're going to be a fun person to hang out
with for an evening
and then for you to not say a single word?
That doesn't necessitate conversation.
You can both enjoy the game
and each other's company.
You're saying high five
and stuff. Like cheer when
the team scores
together.
Get in here, Billy. Billy's been stalking
Sass.
He's been stalking Sass. Get it off your chest,
Billy. Sass, would you think
it's worth it to go down to the arraignment to do
a video? Saw your post?
Yeah, we just did a little something down there,
but finish it off.
He's not getting there until like 2.30.
Hell yeah. Let's collab. Sweet.
We'll get the morning shift, you get the afternoon shift.
Donnie and I were about to just go. Hell yeah, bro.
Okay, so if you guys did it, and if we do it, then we can't all get in trouble.
We'll collab on it.
You're not going to get in trouble.
How would you get in trouble?
I don't know.
Like, why are we at the protest?
That's a thing that's happening in New York.
It makes sense.
We're going to go cover it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
I got some hats on my desk.
What?
You got hats?
No, I'm kidding.
No hats.
No hats.
No hats.
I'm kidding.
You're a fucking dead man if you see this video.
Pack your bags. He hats, no hats. You're a fucking dead man if you do this video. Pack your bags.
He's dead.
Whoa.
What if his usurps yours?
I hope it does.
It probably will.
Why?
Did you not really?
Was there not much going on?
We weren't, like, putting microphones in people's faces.
We weren't, like...
We were just asking people, like, what do you guys think?
Like, if we want to say anything.
People were saying, like, popping off a little bit, but it was... We a little bit, but we weren't trying to go back and forth with people.
It was a weird environment.
It wasn't really the kind of place that you want to be making jokes to people.
I don't think people were really in there.
It wasn't really a joking.
I found that with Man on the Street videos,
going down to just say, well, let's see what we find never works.
And that you have to go with a very specific mission.
Yeah.
Like an idea.
Yeah.
It's also a stagnant crowd, I think, is really tough for a man on the street.
If they're just standing still and you're walking through all of them, like, there's not a natural beginning and end.
I feel like a flowing crowd always works so much
better. I'd actually like to send
five or six groups of two out there to see what we
get. A little
different perspective. I asked Nick
if I should go and he was like
Ronan Sass is already down there and Nick
was like, you should grab, there's a MAGA hat over there,
you should go and get in the crowd and just let Ronan Sass
find you and be surprised
that you're there.
What the hell?
Wait a minute.
Is that Kate?
That's why I said I wanted to be like – I was just smiling the whole time because I just didn't want to get caught in the background of someone else's picture looking like I was really thinking about what someone was saying.
Like, oh, he makes a good point.
There's like an overwhelming amount of reporters.
That's what I heard.
It was so many reporters that that was the main... The reporter-to-people ratio
is like three to one.
Brother, you were one of them.
Yeah, I know.
What's stopping Callahan
from getting back out there?
He's doing the work.
Is anything stopping him?
He's allowed to keep making shit
and listen to YouTube.
He's got to work on himself
for at least, I think,
it's like six months
and then you can get back totally fine.
He can just come in some facility or some shit. You got to pretend for at least, I think it's like six months, and then you can come back totally fine. He in some facility or some shit.
You got to pretend for at least a little bit.
Facility for sex pests.
Yeah, I don't know.
Brought his T-shirt.
I thought it was a cool shirt.
He might be too famous, though, to do shit like that.
Yeah.
It's not like the good liars down there.
Those dudes were all over Twitter.
There's just a ton of fucking
YouTubers.
It's all YouTubers,
media personalities,
and career protesters.
Wahoos.
Yahoo's.
Yoohoos.
Yahoo's, I think.
Yahoo's.
Yeah.
Not Wahoo's.
I think Wahoo's would be like
natives.
I believe the Indians
were down there, yeah.
Kyle, you have that jersey With that prominent
That logo prominent
I lost it yeah
That was a Trevor Bauer
Indians chief Wahoo jersey
He doesn't respect
Gifts especially jersey gifts
I'm not materialistic
What's the one you gave him
Which one
I'm not materialistic. What was the one you gave him? Which one? Which one? Yeah.
Which one?
Or my new bowl.
I'm not materialistic.
I'm just an asshole to my friends.
You can just wear the shirt.
I feel bad, yes.
Why does that seem like one of those stickers with the rabbit on it?
Remember that brand?
No.
Oh, really?
You remember that? Sticker with the rabbit.
I had a cartoon rabbit and it had a knife.
Yeah, yeah. It was like a cartoon rabbit and it was always like, it had like a knife. Yeah, yeah.
It was like, yes, I know what you mean.
It was like a big Spencer's Gifts had a ton of this rabbit, yes.
I don't know the rabbit.
I know what you're talking about, but I.
Thank you.
Just the Trix rabbit.
I remember Calvin.
Not that one.
But it was a similar vibe though.
No.
No.
No, it just was like the rabbit. Ah. Rabbit sticker. I don't know. I like that one. But it was a similar vibe, though. No. No. No, it just was like the rabbit sticker.
I don't know.
I like that one.
Add the word Spencer's to it.
My MySpace top friend for two years was Jack Skellington,
and I've never seen Nightmare Before Christmas.
I haven't seen that movie either.
I was trying to be somebody I wasn't.
I don't see it.
I was putting up Sublime lyrics before I listened to Sublime, to be honest.
My song was a theme song from Scrubs.
Did you even like Scrubs?
It was my favorite show at the time.
We were talking about our fake stuff, and then you just...
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I thought y'all were being for real.
No, we're being for real.
I'm being for real.
He shoehorned.
Yeah, he shoehorned.
I was a shoehorn, Brandon. Jason shoehorned. I wasn't trying to shoehorn. I thought he was for real. I'm being for real. He shoehorned. Yeah, he shoehorned. That was a shoehorn, Brandon.
Jason shoehorned.
I wasn't trying to shoehorn.
I thought he was being real.
I am.
I had –
I don't think he was fake.
You lost in trivia.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's true.
Not really.
Yeah, you did.
It was a bad format.
Didn't you lose by like four points?
It was a bad format because he –
You win?
There was wagering, and he allowed Kirk to wager after he answered the question after
he knew the question it was weird i used to play hockey my dad would go and we would tie
my dad i would be like well we didn't lose so that's good and he'd be like what did you win
i'd be like no and he looked then you then you lost like fuck you're right that's right
now you're sticking at war zones that was reese bobby yeah was that a is that a shoehorn
where did that come are you just a shoehorn? Where did that come from?
Are you just a shoehorn police now?
No, because he was saying that.
Because he said.
Oh, he was saying he didn't lose.
But he did lose.
I said, well, did you win?
Francis, we get to talk to each other.
So these mines in South Africa.
I have to keep score about who's shoehorning.
The people would live in these mines for like over a year.
And then the mafia would send food down
to the bottom of the mines.
These guys would turn gray physically
because they wouldn't see sunlight.
My favorite meal at McDonald's is a Filet-O-Fish.
I don't like this anymore.
The shoehorn Olympics.
How do they make the Filet-O-Fish bun so fucking soft?
It's great.
It's crazy.
And then you try to get that bun on other sandwiches
and they
won't do the substitution well here's the question oh can i tell them about our content idea we want
to save it so kyle and i i want to cut weight like a wrestler why um i'm a little unhappy with
how i look.
First off, you're at a physique where if you lost a decent amount of weight,
even five pounds, you would look worse.
Really?
Yeah.
I think you look almost perfect.
I think I could get... I just want to see how much you could do.
Hmm.
If you lose like 10 pounds, we're going to have to have Francis Strong bracelets in the bar.
I'm saying he has to lose at least 10 pounds.
I want to lose 10.
My goal is 10 in a day.
Jesus.
Very doable.
You have 10 pounds to lose, though.
No, I think he could do it easily.
Do you have abs?
Is that a weird question?
Yeah, I think he does.
Do you?
It will not be easy, but it will be very doable.
I want to lose 10 pounds in a day.
I didn't even know you could lose weight if you have abs.
Isn't that the lowest you can get?
All those fighters lose 10 pounds, and they're all ripped.
What's the most a person can lose in a day?
What's the most you've seen?
I already used this wrestler, the race car driver, Kenseth.
His brother was an elite wrestler, and he did a blog post.
It was very interesting, where he lost, I think, 16.
Not even a full day.
Like, he had four hours.
What did he do?
How did he do it?
Some people are crazy at sweating.
Huh.
Just like, you go in and out of the sauna, treadmill, sauna.
Do you sweat more when you're
in better shape yes right i don't know it's all about how hydrated you are yeah if you're in like
peak shape shape you just sweat from your face and your body remains strong i didn't know that
yeah it's just immense has anyone ever gotten like super ever gotten super unwell from that?
People have died.
College wrestlers have died.
Super unwell.
Organ failure.
That's as unwell as it gets.
Formier didn't make weight at the Olympics,
which means he had to get to a point where he physically was about to die.
Jesus.
It's organ failure, right?
It shuts down things like that?
Is it just because of the dehydration?
Probably sends your body.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
We thought, you know, it would be fun to try to do something really extreme like that
because I'd like to get, you know, looking good for, I don't know, my anniversary, whatever it may be.
And Kyle, who has a lot of experience, agreed to be my shepherd through the process.
That would be awesome.
So we're going to, together for a day, we're going to...
You're definitely going to do well at it.
Yeah.
Definitely, because you're just a driven person.
Unless you can...
This is pain.
I don't know.
I don't know this.
But especially if it's going
to make you look good and this would just be one day over the span of one day yeah you got i think
we get you know 24 hours to try to to try to lose 10 pounds what makes it so hard is you've spent
weeks months days leading up to that already cutting cutting out water and then you go into the last day already depleted and dehydrated
and then but if you are like gonna binge beforehand it won't it will you'll be fine
you know who should do this then do we need to raise the number i want it to be challenged like
a week right i don't know i think we should just see how much you can get. Yeah, okay. You should go for 15.
I don't know. 10 might be too... I don't even know with your body fat.
Weren't you going to do it with me?
Yes.
Kyle's going to cut too.
No way.
What's your body fat?
I don't know.
Maybe what's yours?
No idea.
Didn't you say you were glad to never have to do that again?
For this, I would.
He's gotten...
I've planted seeds of body
dysmorphia within Kyle.
You got it. I sure do.
I'm riddled with it. If you're worried,
you look shitty right now.
You were made in a factory.
You're like, I look like shit.
I mean, I'm playing it up
a little, but I think
it'd be fun to try to endure
what I've heard to be one of the
hardest things that professional athletes have to do i think you should go for longer i think you
should try and do it over like a week or maybe just play it by year just do it till however like
you get to what you want i think it'd be easier for me to push to an extreme knowing that there
was an end line i think if you get too skinny black women aren't going to like you as much
you think that's a fact i've heard going to like you as much. You think?
That's a fact.
I've heard that they like skinny guys with big hogs.
That's probably the secondary thing you said that they like.
I don't know if it matters to the body.
I think the thickness is a little bit.
They like the thickness a little bit.
Because you.
Yeah.
Brandon gets gawked all the time.
Yeah, black women love me.
Is that right?
I was coming out of Nick's dad's building one time
and I was just
fawned over by black women.
Really?
Yeah.
They were old too.
They were like 60.
Huh.
What'd they say?
Huh?
What'd they say to you?
Oh, shit.
She said.
That doesn't sound,
was it in a positive tone?
Oh, yeah.
She went,
oh, shit.
Like that.
Tall drink of water, yeah.
She groped him.
Yeah.
Then we fucked.
Goosed him.
Damn. You crushed him. Damn.
You crushed her.
Yeah.
It's like the realtors.
I don't,
I can't continue with that joke.
Why?
They didn't say anything?
They didn't say anything,
but I just,
I'm not even comfortable with it.
Because then,
because it happened?
Yeah.
No, it's just,
I'm just not comfortable with it.
Yeah, it is what it is.
I gotta find out tomorrow
if I'm getting that house.
Brandon had 25-year-old hot Chicago sister realtors show him around.
I said they were between 25 and 40.
Which means 23.
I think they were probably 32, 32 to 35.
They were sisters, so they can't be the same age because they're not twins.
I hope they're not listening if you're wrong.
They are 25.
That would be insulting as hell yeah hmm there's big cat he's coming back from houston and uh final four stuff cool yeah i i usually go to that but i i didn't go this year i didn't want to go
you didn't feel like it i didn't feel like it i saw everybody else there though i saw it was crazy
megan making money was there oh crazy. Megan Making Money was there.
Oh, yeah, that was awesome.
Ev was there.
They had a good time.
Yeah, Ev took my spot.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
When I decided not to go.
You guys watched the game?
Nah.
Fell asleep.
Wow.
Missed it.
Forgot about it.
I knew UConn was going to win, so I just, like, didn't care.
I just didn't want it to be UConn.
And I knew it was going to be UConn.
And I just...
Yeah.
Wasn't a great game.
Wait, did you get passed at
Joe Rogan's Comedy Club?
Yep.
I actually had a question. That was cool.
Did you get paid a lot of money?
I'm about to be.
Wait, wait, wait. Apparently the spot
pay is very high.
Getting passed means good?
It means you can get booked regularly?
How was the club? It means good. It means you can get booked regularly. How was the club?
It was good.
It was really intimidating.
I fucking bet.
It was different than anything.
What was the scene?
What made it intimidating?
A lot of heavily armed security.
Were you there when Stanhope was there?
No, he came a couple days after.
Have you ever gone into Paul's Casablanca?
Yes.
Was that hard?
A club?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a lounge club.
It's very alternate.
Where did that question come from?
Because I've gotten in twice.
Yeah?
I know the doorman's name is Ludwig.
He's scary.
He's a drummer.
He's pretty intimidating.
You've got to go with a plan.
I'm impressed that you
you know that place yeah who do you go with uh for other friends huh yeah you gotta have the right
situation right now i go with the right girl and the right you can't have a big group
small inside one time i um oh man i can't even remember her name there was a Victoria's Secret
model there
and I danced with her and I didn't know who she was
that's what you get at Casa
and then I found out
someone asked me if I knew who she was
and then I found out
and then she knew that I knew
and she wouldn't dance with me anymore
that's a Wednesday at Casa
she's just being nice
I don't even know what
I said.
She could just tell all
of a sudden that I knew
who she was.
I think she liked the
fact that I didn't know
who she was.
What kind of dance?
You know, lane dancing.
Nothing.
Swing dancing?
Yeah.
It's a place where you
go and you goof around
a little.
Yeah, you get silly.
There's TikToks in this
place.
There's lots of TikToks
about people trying to
get in.
I've never heard of it. The door guy's like a famous uh he's like kind of mean or there's so there's if you look at the
reviews it's so bad because it's all people who got turned down for being ugly giving it a one
star which is kind of awesome paul's casablanca is cool they're paul's baby grand is the other one and they're both from the brother of that
actress who was in
American Psycho
no he's the brother
of the
the first
she's the secretary
who's like I don't want to get bruised
I've only seen the Mila Kunis one
I didn't even know there was a sequel
did Brandon get in? they're weird I've only seen the Mila Kunis one. I didn't even know there was a sequel.
Did Brandon get in?
They're weird.
I mean, they look for weird shit.
If you showed up with one of those elderly black women,
then they'd be like, this is what we want.
It might be like that.
But if he showed up with two sisters,
then I think that would probably not be great for him for some reason. If you buy a house from him, you think
they'll do something hot?
No. No, I don't.
They're helping me
find a house.
They will.
What are you thinking?
They put the house keys between their tits.
You have to grab it?
Francis doesn't have his headphones on, so Rowan, you may have to relate because I know you know the context of this.
Yeah, I came to you right.
He's talking to you.
There was a long time ago in HQ2.
They don't work.
What am I supposed to do?
Where Francis was accused of hitting on some SI swimsuit models.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They won.
What's the side of that?
Yeah, what about that?
What about that?
He said, what's your side of that? Oh, what about that? What about that? You said, what's your side of that?
Oh, that thing that happened with me?
Yeah.
The side is what it was.
I don't know if there is another side.
I mean, my recounting of that, I've told that.
That was the first week I worked at Barstool.
I interviewed three of them, and I thought one of them was,
I mean, they were all stunning, but I thought one of them was, I mean, they were all stunning,
but I thought one of them was, I don't know, maybe I thought I had a chance of asking her out.
And I did, kind of, and then her friends got involved and started making fun of me,
and it got back to Dave, and then he blew the whole thing open.
You always have a thing, huh?
I tend to bring it upon myself.
I don't go quietly into that good night.
That's for the best, though.
You're in the business.
We were talking two days ago that you were good at getting fired, though.
You didn't burn any bridges.
It was one of your best traits you do get fired well we were talking about that in the context no context
interviewing for another job and if i were to interview at another place one of the first
things i would say is that i'm very good when you fire me it's probably nice for them to like, yeah, it's like I take breakups well.
They can let you down easy.
Right.
You'd think a place of employment
would look at that as a positive.
Like, when it's time to fire this guy,
I can rest assured that it's going to go well.
Yeah, exactly.
I think that's a good trait to have.
It's not the worst trait to have.
A lot of people wouldn't go well.
No.
A lot of people would have handled that
way worse than you did.
Did you go in the next day to get your stuff i think i went in on monday it was a
friday and i went in on monday and i went in to yeah get my things and pete was here he was the
only one here because it was the fourth of july weekend or like the fourth of july week fun weekend
and i was uh there was they had forgotten to cancel the bagel Monday order, so I ate a lot of the bagels in sadness.
And then I remember I was sort of gathering things at my desk, and Pete walked over to make sure that I didn't take the laptop home with me.
Hey, Jeff.
Jeff.
Oh.
It's nay-do.
It's nay do I texted you when you got fired
sorry you got fired but you never answered me
and I held that over you for
I'm sorry Brandon
I received a bit of a deluge that day
it was about me
and I tried to get back to all of them
but
you really offered nothing though
what was he going to do with that?
Accept it.
Sorry you got fired.
That's not how I talk.
That's pretty good.
Sorry you got fired, Francis.
We need a foreman down on the worm farm.
Looking for work.
Sorry about your job, Francis.
You should do a video with Brandon being the foreman down on his worm farm down in Mississippi.
The worm farm that he grew up on.
I'd like that.
Just doing videos.
Still have the barn.
Have you?
Yeah.
Well, there used to be two barns.
The main worm barn burned down, but the other one is still up.
Barns burn down so much, man.
They do.
Almost more than orphanages. You know what? I think I misspoke. It didn't burn down. It fell other one is still up. Barns burn down so much, man. They do. Almost more than orphanages.
You know what?
I think I misspoke.
It didn't burn down.
It fell down over years of age.
I think it just fell down.
Is that where the-
They burned it.
It's probably the hay.
The hay probably sets on fire easily.
Hay burns easily.
What's a-
Is hay burn easier than straw?
Hay is straw.
Isn't hay straw?
No, no.
Hay is straw.
Oh.
One's for bedding.
One's for eating.
Yeah.
There's two different uses of hay. Nah. One's for bedding. One's for eating. Yeah. There's two different uses of hay.
Nah.
No, that's correct.
I'm with Nick.
But you're both wrong.
There's a difference between hay and straw.
There's not a difference between hay and straw.
There is.
Someone read that.
I can't see it.
Hay is usually used as livestock fodder, while the straw can be used for bedding.
You're talking about two different uses of the same thing.
Wow, exactly what Nick said.
So I'm blue collar.
Straw is composed of man.
I hide grain stalks, hay is grass.
I'm the king of the south.
Wow, with a New Orleans Saints sweatshirt as well.
Playing this whole thing, don't you?
What are you talking about?
Hey, I want to talk to you guys
about High Noon real quick.
Is that cool, Sass?
Of course.
Of course, brother.
High Noon.
Hard seltzer.
I'm going for a High Noon right now.
I know.
Wouldn't it be like,
man, High Noon,
down at the rally.
Tuesday.
People watching,
just loving life.
We could all ourselves
have a High Noon right now.
You think?
We could.
We worked out this morning.
Yeah, we walked. We worked out this morning. Yeah.
We walked.
We worked out this morning, right, Francis?
Did we?
I haven't.
You haven't worked out yet?
No.
Come on.
You're an afternoon workout guy?
I am, after work.
Whether you're afternoon workout, morning workout, there's always time for a high noon.
You could even just do it in the middle of the day, metabolize, and then get to your
workout after that.
And that's easier to do because it's made with vodka and not malt like the rest of the hard seltzers.
Perfect refreshing drink for a hot day like today, only 100 calories, gluten-free, no added sugar.
They have full-time flavors like pineapple, black cherry, watermelon, grapefruit, lime, etc cetera, et cetera. Look for them at Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store
or visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you.
When I see somebody drinking a High Noon, I give them that nod.
Because we know that they get it.
I love High Noon.
I remember the first time I saw it on shelves was at a liquor store in the Hamptons.
And there was one case of four left, one four-pack left.
And this liquor store was upcharging it quite a bit.
And I said, my goodness, is that the retail price?
And she said, we can charge whatever we want for this.
It's so popular popular it's flying off
the shelves no way and i said okay i'll take it and i bought it and uh that was out that was what
was the price for four cans i think it was like 34 what jesus i'm not kidding you're always sparking
up conversations i like to talk to you'd be awful to go to a basketball game with.
Talk my ear off.
Sure would.
Sure would, Forrest.
That would be brutal.
Damn, where in the Hamptons?
I think that store was in East Hampton.
Are you done with your Hamptons days?
Yeah.
Because you've gone a different direction.
Sure have.
Where are you going now?
I like the Hudson Valley. There was a whole painting movement about the Hudson Valley. Wow. Sure have. Where are you going now? I like the Hudson Valley. Hmm.
Hmm.
There was a whole painting movement
about the Hudson Valley.
Hudson River Valley School.
Yeah.
They had a very good
art academy up there.
But it's even like a style.
You can go to a museum
and there's like a Hudson Valley
room in some museums.
Can't do any beach going
in the Hudson Valley.
Well, I've gone to the beaches,
which is real trashy,
but I've like slamming it.
In the Hudson Valley?
Yeah. Up north? There's like parks I've like slamming it. In the Hudson Valley? Yeah, up north.
There's like parks with actual like sandy beaches in some of the towns up there.
You can go in.
You got lakes.
I tend not to dunk my head under, but.
I don't really like when people say I'm going to the beach and they're going to a lake.
I feel like beach connotates ocean.
I agree.
Or at least golf.
Say you're just going to the lake.
Yeah.
Beach means ocean.
It's not a haystraw situation.
It means one thing.
I feel like beach is sand.
If there's sand, it's a beach. If there's rocks...
Sand at a lake is just...
They took the effort to put the sand there.
Sand at a beach is what that is. You're about to move to
Chicago where everybody goes to the beach
during the summertime. I'm going to be on a lake.
I have a lake house right by the beach.
What? By the beach. Exactly. That's a lake. You can't'm going to be on a lake. I have a lake house right by the beach. What? By the beach, exactly.
That's a lake.
Then you can't call that the beach by your definition.
That's my house, though.
I mean, that's...
I don't know.
I'll be able to say it at my house.
But a beach...
Nobody is arguing with you about the possession of the house.
The notes.
The notes that you're going to the ocean.
That's a beach.
The notes that you're going...
The notes or conotes mean the same thing, kind of. I think the Great ocean. That's a beach. Canotes that you're going. Canotes or canotes mean the same thing.
I think the Great Lakes, that's a beach.
Canotes or canotes, fine.
I think it's canotes.
I think it's.
He is right.
It is canotes.
But the notes, I could twist the notes meaning to where it kind of does the same thing.
Correct?
This is a straw hay kind of situation.
Thank you.
It's a big time straw hay.
Dude, should we have said no
to them doing that video?
Go stop them.
I think so.
No.
I think they'll be good.
Look it, I'm a company man.
I want the best product.
You know something funny
about Billy?
And I've noticed this about,
this is a thing.
So Billy loves to pull me aside
and let me know that he's not as stupid as people think
multiple times yeah he's like you know like i went to i went to williams like i mean it's cool
here why does he pull you aside to say that i don't know harvard guy you're strong i think they
need to tell me the rest of us aside you know who else does this is white socks dave yeah he does this constantly and he
actually there was a video of him and donnie talking about it and i think these are things
that irk them who's the biggest pull-aside guy in the company it's ben mince right he's a big
pull-aside guy he'll pull you to the side and tell you about it he'll pre-pull aside he'll text
you and be like i'm about to call you. Yeah.
White Sox Dave's a pull-aside guy, though.
Trying to think of who
I've gotten pulled aside by.
Rico's a big pull-aside guy.
Really, anybody.
I don't think I've ever been
pulled aside.
Francis pulls me aside
a good bit.
Do I?
Yeah.
I'm not pulled aside.
I'd just be like,
let's chat.
Yeah.
I like to catch up.
The pull-aside guys,
this is the thing
that you really notice
about them is that
their pull-aside voice is much quieter than their pull side voice.
Straight on voice.
Talk to me real quick.
Let's walk to the kitchen.
They're really letting you in on truth when they pull you aside.
That's so...
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah.
I'm actually not stupid.
This is privileged intel.
To Williams? Mouthing it out. I'm actually not stupid This is privileged intel Yeah I went to Williams
Mouthing it out
While his shirt's on backwards
To button up
Williams is a good school though
Spectacular school
Isn't it really hard to get into
One of the best
All liberal arts colleges in America
For sure
Really small school
It's like 2000 undergrad
It might not even be that
It might be 1600
Somewhere in Massachusetts
They're part of the NESCAC
With Amherst and Bowdoin
Colby those schools
Wesleyan
Naturally
Where all the football players go
From my town
They all go to Williams
I know Billy's pissed off at you two
About you talking shit about him
on Call of Duty.
You're just making enemies left and right.
You don't care anymore, bro.
It's because you don't care. Take it up with Nick.
Fight the final boss.
I would never even consider coming at Nick.
My brother.
Yeah, right. I'd die for Sasquatch.
Sas, you have never entertained a beef
or a feud or even a potential enemy.
No.
I don't think you've ever responded to a chirp.
No.
I think it's very weird.
That's one of the dynamics here that I struggle to understand.
Yeah.
It's just like getting in fights with people.
It's pretty easy to not.
Yeah.
I watch you try to think
of a response to Bryce Hall.
I did try and do that.
I tried to think of a response to Bryce Hall
for like eight hours.
And I think I just didn't reply.
I just never replied.
Kyle, who was the boy we were trying to beef with
over COVID?
Jacob Tremblay?
Yeah, we wanted to get you a beef with Tremblay.
He never responded.
Who was the boy you beefed with early on?
Jacob Sartorius.
Oh, that's who I was thinking of.
I forgot about that.
What's he up to these days?
Did you lose that beef?
Yeah, I did.
By getting into it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Starting it.
That was so funny.
Wait, what did he respond to you?
Grown-ass man in my diet?
Everything he said was right.
I'll knock your noggin out or something.
I'll knock the knowledge out your...
Knock the knowledge out your noggin?
He got pretty huge, didn't he?
Is he jacked now?
Or am I confusing him with...
Matty Raps is jacked.
Matty B. Raps is jacked as fuck.
So is Lipnicki. I forgot about Matty B. Raps is Jetty B Raps Jacked as fuck so is Lipnicki I forgot about
Matty B Raps
oh yeah
oh yeah
I haven't thought about
Lipnicki is
you know
he's on the short side
yeah
you can develop mass
in his chest area
more in a
because his bench press
is like three inches
he had the star of David
tattooed on his chest
and then he got pecs
and now it looks like
the heartogram
on a BAM deck.
It just swelled out.
Yeah.
Big hearts.
Damn.
Did you see that video of BAM berating his poor wife in a cafe in California?
Oh, man.
I saw that, Kate.
In the Westchester algorithm.
I've been tracking him for—I used to, like, blog about him all the time,
and then it got too—
Too dark.
He was hanging out
well sorry go ahead no go ahead he was hanging out with elvis presley's grandson a couple weeks
ago and they were boozing it up and then he i guess elvis presley's grandson gave him a bunch
of elvis's shit and then priscilla presley had to be like that wasn't me that did that i didn't give
him elvis's shit because all the elvis fans were like who gave bam margera bam has elvis's robe
or something like that it was like a whole big thing
or like his leather like evil
Knievel suit that he would sing in
I saw
Bam appear on Steve-O's podcast
and they addressed why
Bam had not been cast
in the new
Jackass movie
and they had wanted him
to be in it but he basically just faulted himself
out of it yeah and the level of delusion that bam had made me realize he was pretty gone oh he he
like has his own language that he writes called like scrigoli and he spent years bashing all those
guys like very publicly and then couldn't understand why yeah it's been he also wins
wears these like really thin robe jackets.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
These thin, flowy bathrobe jackets.
I think Monos?
No, because it's not silk.
They're literally see-through,
and they sweep behind him like a cape.
He was my first idol.
I loved Bam so much.
I thought Bam was his initials, like
B-A-M Margera, so I was trying to go by
Nat Teraney at the time.
Oh, God.
Nat.
He's my first, yeah.
But I don't even think
Bam's his initials. I think he was just
his name. Is it a nickname?
He was a child. He used to run through walls
and they called him Bam Bam,
like the Flintstones character.
And then he just shortened it, dropped a bam.
Sad.
Poor guy.
He had a great run, though.
You want to dispute that one, dickhead?
Brandon?
Shooting down my facts.
I wasn't disputing anything.
You've been shooting down Nick's facts all day.
Day one.
His facts? You've been shooting them Nick's facts all day. Day one. His facts?
You've been shooting them down. Just because of the
hay straw thing? That was a
one-time thing. We had beef over hay straw.
We did have beef, but we squashed it.
Well, I think that was a bad
Google entry, Frank. Are you in a beef right now
with anybody, Brandon? I don't think so.
He's always in a beef. Mostly always in a beef,
but I think right now I'm beefless.
Oh.
That class is a piece of shit.
No, I don't think I'm in a beef right now.
What's up with the United States of Kids?
Well, we had a really good video for last week, but we couldn't run it.
Oh, shit.
Because it was me hunting with a kid,
and it was determined that a kid with a gun
so close to the Nashville shooting
was going to be a very bad look.
That's Francis.
The kid train.
Guys, I don't disagree with this.
You're always meeting with sales and sponsors
None of us
We just put them out
It's not like I was like
Hey guys, shouldn't we consider this
I was told
What can I do
Do you think you'll be able to put it out later
We need to let it
We need to give it some time
You've got to find the perfect hot spot between two school shows.
I mean, I don't think – yeah, I was going to say that.
There's always going to be a school show.
Not a hot spot.
The lull.
The lull.
The lull, sorry.
Doldrum.
What's the great word for the low point?
The nadir?
Maybe.
I think that's the word.
The nadir is the opposite of the nadir.
You bastard.
These two.
I just can't stop looking at us.
Oh, my God.
There's two people.
That'd be Mark.
Oh, yeah.
Who's that?
Who's that?
That's Mark.
Mark Nadir.
Upkeep of a mohawk like that is hard.
Yes, it is.
I had to lay on my bed upside down in hairspray.
You had it for a couple years.
You had a mohawk?
Oh, yeah.
Ninth grade.
It was white.
That's when he was loving on Bayon Margera.
Nat Teraney.
Yeah, that was Nat.
That was Nat.
Nat Teraney.
Do you have any pictures of it?
Uh, yeah.
Can we find him?
Uh, yeah.
Do you want to send one?
I would like to see that.
Come on.
I want to see a picture.
I don't have any on my phone.
I'd love to see that.
What,
was it the spiked one?
Yeah.
Spiked ones were crazy.
Dude,
my parents still made me
run cross country
when I was trying to be
like a little punk.
So like,
my cross country pictures
is like my mohawk down
and bad
bad era
awkward time
having a floppy mohawk
like that is rough
I remember when kids
would be like
I'm going to get a mohawk
and then they would
just have like a
what
they would do
I agree that that
would be rough
I just can't
you've seen these
floppy mohawks
I remember kids
used to be like
I'm going to go get a mohawk
and then they would
get like a buzz cut wide to go get a mohawk, and then they would get a buzz cut.
Wide strip.
Wide strip.
Dude, that's a racing stripe.
That's not a mohawk.
Like that guy from Glee.
Yeah.
You want a real mohawk if you have a mohawk.
Like our boy out there.
Yeah.
It's a real mohawk.
He looks like a dinosaur.
That's a fucking mohawk, dude.
It's like a fish.
I'm surprised those aren't canceled yet.
I'm surprised that they're not more popular, honestly.
Wasn't that a tribe?
It was.
Oh, yeah.
Mohawks?
Yeah.
They all have Mohawks?
Probably.
Yeah, I guess so.
They might have.
Who the hell is going to cancel a badass like that?
I know, right?
Your own parrot?
Yeah, go tell him he's canceled.
Well, I mean, you spent like an hour putting product in your hair.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Gotta be satisfying as fuck to shave that.
Yeah.
Just one little line.
Right down there.
What?
It's his main identity.
Oh, that's so cool.
You guys know that when I was in, I guess, sixth grade, a kid at my school named Bill Bridgman.
You're asking us if we know this.
Yeah, I know this.
No.
Yeah, I heard about this.
He wore FUBUs to school,
and I told him he couldn't do that
because they were for us, by us, meaning black people.
For them, by them.
And he wasn't.
And then he told on me, and I got in trouble.
But I was trying to guard against
cultural appropriation and I didn't
even know it. You sucked.
This was a very progressive private
school and they took his side.
They should have. You think?
God.
Get fucked.
Damn.
Damon Johns is in this office every other week.
Is he now?
Have you ever brought this up to Damon Johns?
No, I haven't seen him.
I feel like he would appreciate that.
I don't think he would.
Or you think that he thinks Republicans buy sneakers too?
He wants all the people to buy FUBU.
I had a FUBU shirt in middle school.
I got it at Marshalls and it said it in glitter
because I didn't know
what it meant
but I got roasted
real quick.
It wasn't someone
look I was like
yeah I got roasted.
What did it say?
It said for us by us?
Yeah well it just said
FUBU in glitter
and I thought
that was like so cool
because I thought
any brand was cool.
Yeah FUBU was cool.
It was like the colors
of Tommy Hilfiger
but with...
But it was also nationwide in stores,
being sold in states and cities that had almost zero black people.
There were no us where I was buying my FUBU.
Yeah, case in point, we were in Maine.
Right.
Which has the lowest concentration.
It's the least diverse state in the country.
Did you get in trouble?
Yeah, I did.
By who?
The English teacher, Michelle Letier.
And she said what?
What was her difference?
She told me that I was being, I don't even know.
She said that it was like I had brought race into it and that I had done something.
I don't remember exactly how she schooled us.
I mean, Damon Johns brought race into it.
Yes.
He did.
I just spelled out the, you know, the name for him.
I said, I don't think you are meant to be wearing that because the name stands for this.
You were how old?
Sixth grade.
Man, 12.
Smart.
11 or 12.
Smart observation.
They called it bullying.
They called it bullying.
I don't think it was bullying.
Did you, was it a pullide or was it like a...
Hey, come here, man.
What you're doing isn't cool.
Or did you say it on your podcast?
Yeah, you did have a podcast in sixth grade.
Sure didn't.
I did, I'd be a billionaire.
You think you're us?
You're not us.
We're all bots.
I'm not even us. You're not us. We're all bots. I'm not even us.
Let him have this.
Yeah.
Damn.
You got his ass.
What do you think he's up to now?
You think he's ashamed of his FUBU shirt?
One time, he and I rode the same school bus,
and he and I started playing Magic the Gathering together on the bus.
And then I asked him if he wanted to have a play date
and i remember we used to have early release on wednesdays and i went over to his house and
we played magic the gathering and then uh this girl who was popular found out and asked me if i
for real went to his house she couldn't believe that I would hang out with him. Damn. And did you lie and say you didn't?
No, I said I did.
I had the courage of my convictions at that age.
What the hell?
My boy Woody got caught playing Yu-Gi-Oh! in college by a girl that he liked.
Yeah.
Just on this show, you've called Billy Bridgman a racist,
and he wasn't popular at all.
No, I don't know if I called him a racist.
I'm honestly surprised you guys haven't heard about this.
Yeah.
Did you guys know about that?
I did, but I let you do it.
Now you do.
We'll be telling the story.
If it comes up again, we're good.
As if it's our own.
What kind of deck did you use in Magic?
I don't know if I can remember.
It was the brown, one on the brown on the back.
That's all the cards.
Is that all the cards?
Then I don't know.
Nick, I hate to do this to you, man.
I don't think your socks are matching today.
And this shit has happened to me on this show before, too,
where I've gotten called out.
I picked up laundry today.
Brandon got me and called me out, and I can only pay it forward.
I picked up my laundry today.
This is my sock.
I've never had this sock.
This is some other man's sock.
I like the mismatch, though.
If I didn't know
I would think like
oh Nick is just
the cool guy
you know who'd like that
Bam Margera
would like that
I like the idea that
somehow
someone would drop
an apple near Nick
and all of a sudden
he'd be like
oh shit
and just like
start juggling it
like crazy
whoa
turns out it's
Messi's sock
I could see it damn but you just put on's Messi's sock.
I could see it.
Damn, but you just put on someone else's sock? I was a little skeeved out.
I think if they gave me someone else's, I'd get skeeved out.
I think I would just wear it.
I know.
I'd do what he did.
You would get skeeved out?
So I called my mom, and she picked up real quick.
I was like, I called my mom this morning if it was okay to wear it.
And I was like, hey, mom.
And she was like, she picked up real fast which was odd and then i realized after i asked the question hung up it's
her birthday today so i called back you had you asked your mom if it was okay i was like is this
gross you april fools her when you call her back no, but she already was opening a gift that got to the house from me.
Oh.
What'd you get her?
That's nice.
Perfume.
Oh, wow.
What kind?
I get her a perfume every year.
This is the third year in a row.
It's this company called Bond No. 9, and they do perfumes for each neighborhood of New York City.
So she collects the boxes and bottles.
Whoa.
She got Gramercy.
That's very cute. Greenwich. Well, hold on a second now. Does she go through the whole bottles. She got Gramercy. That's very cute. Greenwich.
Well, hold on a second now. Does she go
through the whole bottle? No, no, no.
But she likes the
look of the bottles. Have a little menagerie of
New York. How long does it take to go through one of those?
That depends.
I mean, if you just spray the way Jersey
Jerry does, it'll go like in a week.
He pops the cap. He shotguns them.
Just stabs aside with a screwdriver. He pops the cap. He shotguns them. Just stabs the side with a screwdriver.
Did you spray this perfume around Jersey Jerry to see if his dick shot up?
Oh, yeah.
No, this place just has a good rep.
They all smell good.
What's the going rate for a bottle?
Pretty expensive.
Is it?
Yeah.
How expensive?
Pretty expensive.
$400?
A little more.
Whoa.
It's my mom.
Trying to pipe?
She's not going to fuck you.
Fucking Oedipus Rex over here.
Like, Louis perfumes like $400.
This is nicer than Louis Vuitton?
It's a cool company.
What the fuck, Nick?
It was years Alex Bennett recommended to me,
so I guess two years.
Maybe three.
He probably owns it.
Yeah, it's probably her company.
Damn.
Did you get any blowback for supporting the Mean Girls
during their time of need?
No.
No?
I mean, not really.
No.
I had an argument with Kelly about it.
Yeah, that got cut short, right?
On stool scenes?
Well, we talked, we argued for probably 25 minutes,
and so fundamentally they just,
they thought it would be ridiculous to include it all.
It wasn't as though...
I thought it should have been its own video.
Francis and Kelly.
She did that thing where she started accusing me of saying sexist things.
The straw woman argument.
Yeah, that's, is that what that is?
I don't know.
In context of this?
Is there a term for that?
So what I said was, when someone cites a very hot button social issue, right?
I find, if you're having an argument with someone,
like let's say that, Roan, you and I were talking about abortion.
Gosh, I wouldn't have gone there.
I thought that was like improv.
No.
Run with it, boys.
Did you just do a hanger?
Yep.
Sure did.
Podcast listeners.
Yes, and.
Shh.
You know, I find that sometimes I'll be talking to someone about something,
and then as soon as someone just says, did you really just say that? Or do you realize how blank that sounds? And invokes a very hot button issue. There's nothing you can do. Because then you have to completely shift to being sort of defending, no, I didn't mean that. And then the argument's over and that's kind of what happened yeah i think
that there's almost never such thing as a good faith argument people just want to win the argument
and so when they use a term like that it takes it out of like the the persuasive side and it's
just like oh this is like a trick that you use an argument being like do you really just say this yeah that's uh and for for to credit kelly what i said was i think i she you know i said well we were arguing
about how the clips made barstool women look stupid and i said that couldn't you counteract
rather than try to tear what they're doing down couldn't you try to
balance out that image by putting out equally good work and then redefining the image you know i find
that for my for me it's like i that works better when i you know when you try to just stay in your
lane and then she got mad at me for telling her to stay in her lane.
She was like, do you know how sexist that sounds?
And I was like, well, I didn't.
You said, sorry, toots.
I didn't mean it that way.
Why don't you smile more?
I was like, did I say lane?
I meant kitchen.
Yeah.
No.
Women have trouble staying in their lane in a car.
But then I got nervous because I didn't you know and to her credit
I mean I think
I guess
I guess maybe that was
a sexist thing to say
I don't know
and I certainly
didn't mean it that way
but that I just
sort of punctured
the entire
debate
and reset it
off the rails
and whose side
are you on
yeah
there's a right answer here
well Francis does
hate women.
Yeah?
No, no.
He really hates women.
I don't hate them.
I just wish they weren't around.
The voting thing irks you, I think, that we can.
Yeah.
I just like everybody.
I just do not care.
I think I'm so far outside the realm Like what's happening
Coward
Yeah I'm a coward is what it is
But
I don't know
You're entitled to do that
Yeah
You don't have to pick a side
Yeah
Yeah
But you fucking should
Whoever can benefit me most
At the time
I'll probably side with
Whoever's on the hot streak
Who you're around
Right Can I ask this question So I'll probably side with whoever's on the hot streak. Yeah, who you're around.
Right.
Can I ask this question?
So this is exactly what, in my opinion,
just happened with Dave and the thing.
Where I didn't... Thing?
The tweet situation.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, where, you know, I mean, I saw that,
and I thought, that's funny, he's got a hot take or whatever.
And then everyone started bringing race into it.
And it just completely changes the meaning and the DNA of his intention.
And he can't even defend what he's said anymore because now he has to take on a completely different attack.
And you can't even go on Tucker Carlson
to defend him anymore. Bingo.
That's fucking brutal.
Tucker told me I should stop
listening to what...
Don't let my wife dictate
my life.
Bad advice. He told me that.
He told you that personally?
We got a little birdie telling that.
He told someone to tell me that. And told you that personally? We got a little birdie telling that. He told someone to tell me that.
And I thought it was a joke.
And I said, LOL.
And then the guy was like, he's not kidding.
Oh, definitely not.
Yeah.
So he doesn't go happy with you.
He thinks you're a good man deep down.
He thinks your values are right.
Your roots are right.
You got the woman.
I've met Tucker Carlson.
Leading you astray.
Poisoning the well.
He wears a down vest in Florida.
That struck me as odd.
He's sneaky fat?
No. That's a fat move. I don't think so.
I don't know.
Are there any drag queens named Tucker?
That's a good drag name.
Rhonda Santus.
Tucker, I get it.
You don't have to tell me when you get it.
That was a whole thing.
I'm going to start doing that every time now.
You do anyway.
Uh-huh.
What did you say, Saz?
Have you guys seen this documentary about
closeted gay dudes who are politicians
voting against them?
Was it good? It's nuts. I'm going to watch it. about the closeted gay dudes who are politicians voting against you. Yes, outrage.
Was it good?
It's nuts.
I'm going to watch it.
Spoilers, please.
La, la, la, la.
Why did you just bring it up then?
Yeah, what the fuck?
Tell me everything you know about it.
There's obviously no spoilers.
It's a documentary.
It happened.
I think you could spoil.
The Alpinist. That's a spoilable documentary happened. I think you could spoil. The Alpinist.
That's a spoilable documentary. The Jinx.
What about the cycling one?
All right, I'm wrong.
Francis, what happened in the documentary?
I'm not going to tell you.
Has anyone else seen that?
No, on my list.
Outrage?
He outs so many politicians that I started to lose belief. It lost
credibility. Carthism.
Is there proof of the ones he outed
that are... Some. Some.
And then there were others that I thought it was
a little tenuous.
Wanting to be a politician is kind of gay.
100%. It's like, running
is like a pageant.
You know, you have to dress up, give a speech.
The guy's mission is to out politicians that have voting records against gay rights.
And then I think he started targeting other politicians that didn't even necessarily have that.
Charlie Crist was one of them.
Crist, the former governor of Florida.
Democrat, right?
Yeah.
I think he flipped sides, though.
Oh.
He did.
And he's one he was very, you know, they spent a lot of time on him.
I'd be like a doubting Thomas, though.
I would need to see the penis in the butt.
Yeah, I'd need receipts.
Yeah.
He's got a penis in the mouth.
I'd need to see the penis in the mouth.
He's got phone calls, recorded phone calls.
Enough for me.
Guys trying to hire male
I'm not on the
all-bred spectrum
I always believe
and think it's going on
more
vastly more
than we think
no matter what you think
yeah
if there's a rumor
I believe it
I think it's true
if it's all coming
from the same guy
I find it harder to believe
there's even suspicion
there's probably something there
yeah where there's smoke
there's fire
if anybody yeah
I just like that
Madison Cawthron guy saying that he went on that podcast and was like,
oh, it's a freak-a-leak show.
They're doing key parties every weekend in D.C.
Everybody's, it is a horny town.
They're just all doing, everybody's putting everything in everyone's holes.
I am naive about orgies and sex parties.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Way more than calming.
Me too.
I'm too awkward of a person, I think, to be able to handle something like that.
I've never even known about them or invited.
There's probably people you know that are doing them.
Yeah.
You think?
You're just like, oh.
Anyone here?
I had Marine buddies that did
that would go to the clubs in San Diego,
like the sex clubs.
Who would be the most likely here?
I guess it's probably a weird question to answer,
but I feel like there's definitely someone here
who would openly talk about that.
The one who squats a lot.
Clemmer.
Joey has...
Who squats a lot? Smutledge?
I could see...
I could see him.
Who was the person that... Oh, Playboy Marty.
I could see him.
All these guys that squat a lot.
I mean, Francis definitely has a good squat.
Not anymore. There you have it. I mean, Francis definitely has a good squat. No, not anymore.
There you have it.
I don't really do that anymore.
Billy?
No, Billy would never go to an orgy.
Guys!
What?
Start pulling people aside.
What the heck, guys?
I'm not actually as horny as everyone thinks.
Yeah.
My dick's not actually as hard as it looks.
We really made sure that we didn't have sex too much.
Everybody just got real quiet when Jeff's man do walked out.
It's funny that Jeffree Star and Frank both used that bathroom in the span of like 10 minutes.
That is a legendary moment.
What do you think that is?
Is that a sweet?
Is that a cake?
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's a sweet treat.
Well, now Pat's flipping it upside down, so I hope it's not.
It's carrying it like a briefcase.
Oh, willy-nilly.
It's probably some t-shirts, maybe a merch package.
They have some big guests.
We never even had the option to ask for Jeffrey.
Oh. Oh.
Yeah.
After Field Dicks Gay, I feel like you guys lost a lot of privilege.
No, we've never gotten a guest.
Field Dicks Gay was quite the scandal.
You guys got biz.
We couldn't get him.
We barely got him.
He kept on trying to leave.
He was trying to bail.
We got his ass, though.
But it's hard to get people. Hard to get people. We've tried. We're going to the next pod room. We got his ass, though. But it's hard to get people.
Hard to get people.
We've tried.
We're going to the next pod room.
They're doing the car wash.
Car wash season.
They're doing another podcast, I think. What podcast is that?
I don't know.
Who else?
Probably one of those.
Bree.
No, she's upstairs.
Oh, plan Bree.
No, she's upstairs.
That's right.
She is upstairs.
EFFs, maybe?
Ooh, I bet.
Or bussing.
Oh, I think I've got it, because the producers are giving me a thumbs up.
Didn't she just do Bussin'?
Didn't he just do Bussin'?
He just did Bussin'.
Just they, them.
Fuck.
JS.
JS.
God damn it.
A lot of followers.
Yeah, legendary.
Just banging NFL players.
None of us can say that.
He's in an AFI music video, too.
AFI was my second top friend.
None of us can say that.
Can I tell you guys about the exclusive ticketing partner of Arsenal Sports?
Yes, please.
I'm trying to go six or Celtics.
I think the question is, did I tell you guys about it?
Oh.
Hello.
I said, can I tell you about it?
I heard that.
Why are you correcting everything that I say now just because we had one thing where I said wrong?
Smarter guy than you, Brandon.
He went to Harvard.
To assert my mental superiority.
Get in there, Brandon.
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how do you guys sign off your emails i don't do a dash i'm a brandon i want to do dash n
that's what i'm going to start doing no i just do yeah just f. You do just F, no dash? Sometimes I'll do just F. That's a power move.
That's cool.
KB?
I don't believe you.
Kurt.
Thanks, Kyle.
I do it sometimes.
It'd be Kurt.
Okay, what are you doing?
Come on.
Jay's doing some wild shit.
Hey, what are you doing back there?
Inspirational quote at the bottom.
Hey.
No.
Ben.
Someone sent me a picture of a patio thing. How you sign off your emails steve steven steven shay whatever use all three yeah good stuff oh my name are you caught
up on love is blind yes well i gotta get on this shit is insane i i should start you have to i think this season is if i'm being honest the
least attractive cast but this is probably the best season oh my when they see each other for
the first time they see each other for the first time and they're instantly engaged and have to
get married in 30 days and this one couple the girl just was disgusted by him yes i think yeah
it was the most painful watch of all time.
I've been reading
everything about
this arena woman.
That's her.
Okay, oh God.
She's like...
They shouldn't allow
people that are like
25 or 26 on the show
from being ugly.
She's ugly.
So she had like
an emotional connection
with him,
but then when she saw him
she was like, gross.
Oh, it was so awkward.
Oh, she wouldn't
let him kiss her. She said, you look like a cartoon character. Oh, it was so awkward. Gross? Oh, she wouldn't let him kiss her.
She said, you look like a cartoon character.
Oh, gosh.
And they had to go on a honeymoon and prepare for their wedding.
Wait, they agreed to get married?
That's how the show works.
So all of the couples, you could tell they have zero chemistry once they meet besides one.
And it's just so awkward.
It's a great show.
Are any of these couples still married from previous seasons?
Yes.
Really?
Yes.
That's shocking.
Lauren and Cameron, I believe.
But only one.
There might be more.
How do you land on the person you couple up with?
How does that work?
It's like speed dating where it's like 15 people, 15 men, 15 women,
and they're all in quarters and then they have dates with each other,
presumably an hour for the first time.
And then I think what they do is they rank who they want,
and if anyone's X'd out,
then they free up more time in their day
to spend time with the other people.
And then it's a 10-day experiment.
And by the end, you basically get out of the pods
by proposing.
So what they've really done is devalued the proposal
and the marriage,
because a lot of these things go to the altar, which
they've agreed to do, but then fall apart
before then.
They know it's not going to work or whatever.
So, yeah, it's
awesome. It's crazy to think that
if there are 15 men and 15 women
that they're all going to have someone
compatible. No, it's only like
there's only five couples that make it out.
Oh, really? Oh, you can quit
and be like, yeah, there's no one for me. I'm done.
Yeah, I don't know. What happens with the other
ones? I think you stay the whole time. I think it's
agreed that you stay the whole ten days, but if
you eliminate enough people and they've eliminated you, I think
you just kind of chill. Okay. And it's very
interesting because what I like that they've
done this season as opposed to other seasons
is they show
like the heartbreak so like two guys
these guys are division one corn balls yeah crying they're writing songs yeah doing guitar
like freestyles he's not that bad looking i know so yeah he's not compared to the other seasons
yes so she's disgusted by him and he's trying his hardest
and he was like in between two women and he's trying his hardest. And he was, like, in between two women, and he chose her.
He is creepy.
He doesn't blink.
He looks like that televangelist, the really famous one.
Marina and Zach is who we're looking at.
We'd love you guys to watch.
I, R, I, and A, and Zach.
That's great.
So they've staggered the releases, so the first five episodes came out, like, two weeks ago.
And three episodes just came out last Friday, and then I think the final four or five are coming out this friday
yeah pretty standard looking guy i think they're both very average looking people
yeah i don't think she's in a position to be like he's ugly i would say he's
more attractive ranks higher on the man scale in fact on this than she does on there i think
they're pretty equal.
I'm just saying, like, the whole cast, they've had some, like...
She's got a lot of cheek, man.
Incredible, like...
How much cheek she has?
Gorgeous and very handsome men and women.
Yeah.
This season, I feel like it's a little bit lower.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Is that wrong?
Was I not...
What's up?
You shouldn't have fucking said that, man.
Yeah, you would say that, Francis.
Is that something believable you don't say?
You really had to go there.
Fuck that, man.
Sass, you
are going through a pretty big portal soon.
What do you mean?
You're transferring?
He's leaving the world of
being a 21-year-old.
Tomorrow, right?
Yeah, I keep forgetting.
Birthdays don't matter anymore.
I'm not really a big birthday person.
Are you doing anything?
Are you doing anything for your birthday?
No. I'm doing shows.
Ron and I are going to get blitzed.
Nice.
We're getting blind drunk tomorrow.
Francis, you'll be there I'm ready
I asked him to get blitz with us
He hit me up
I said let's do it
You're gonna get fucked?
Mm-hmm
Invited the realtors
Game over
I'm about to go banana pudding
Baby you're gonna come? Brandon. I'm about to go banana pudding.
Baby, you're going to come?
I'm where?
We're just going to end up somewhere.
You don't even know?
Oh, so I'm not invited.
You have a spot.
Sorry.
Probably just somewhere.
I can't wait to hear about it.
You're kind of supposed to be planning everything as the best man.
As my best fucking friend.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Yeah.
I got it.
I had a birthday about a week ago, and it was so uneventful and so unnoticed that I just thought it's over.
You want to join up?
Let's do it. Is it a shared birthday?
Yeah.
It's both of our birthdays.
No, it's your day.
It's both of our birthdays No it's your day It's not
It's literally your birthday
For you to attack his birthday
On to your birthday day
It's not even halfway in between
Like President's Day
Like it's on your birthday
Let's do it right
Let's do it today
Share a birthday today
Yeah
Let's do a case race
Starting right now
Right now
Yeah
Let's get fucked up right now
Let's drink that whole fridge
Of high notes.
Are we doing a case race?
Probably step out.
I already worked.
We already worked out today.
I already worked out.
KB, I know you worked out this morning.
Yeah.
What'd you do?
Legs, but not squats because someone was in this.
I timed this person.
They were in the squat rack for 46 minutes.
They were still there when I left.
They got to a point where it was just about principle.
There was other squat racks open.
These people, they just sit on their phone for 10 minutes in between sets.
I want to say something.
Inviting all the people to his orgy.
Definitely was with his.
If there were other squat racks.
I'll fuck each other.
This person was, it was all about
this the person
in my beauty
like
46 minutes
what kind of numbers
were they putting up
were they squatting
a considerable amount
he was just chilling
on his phone
he had no muscle mass
I mean I think
that's what bothered you
yeah
come on man
he's trying man
no he's not
because he's taking
10 minutes in between sets.
He doesn't care.
I'd be like, hey, man, just letting you know, you're waiting too long.
Can't do that.
That's what keeps me out of the gym.
I'm so paranoid that people are looking at me.
I'm waiting and I'm always going to kill you from pacing behind him.
I don't know.
And when I take a break between sets, I only have gone once since I joined this gym.
But I was like in my head that other people were noticing,
like,
am I taking too long of a break,
too short of a break?
And I was like letting people know,
like you,
I wiped it down in between each time I got on it.
I don't know.
It's too,
it's too much.
You ever have someone work in with it?
What if I work in bro?
Yeah.
Oh,
you're in between.
I don't like that.
I've never had that.
Oh,
I have.
Oh,
you have?
I just don't,
I don't like it.
It's the most annoying thing.
Well,
if I work in and then they and then they take the weight up
And they put it up fucking 70 pounds
And then they like
Sometimes they just won't fix it
So then you gotta fix it
You're just talking about a pin that you could put in
Imagine if you're taking weight off of a bar
I've had to do that
I've probably had people
Back in my gym days
I had people work in like gym days I had I had people
work in like three times
and there was one dude
who was
blatantly like
it was like me and him
this was when I was in college
and he was like huge
and he was like nuts
to the point that people
would be like
yo you gotta chill out dude
you're being weird
and he was like
following me around
he'd be like
cool if I work in
and then just do it
and like bringing over
other weights and like lifting heavier than me and I was like what is this he was, like, following me around. He'd be like, cool if I work in and then just do it and, like, bringing over other weights and, like, lifting heavier than me.
And I was like, what is this?
He was following you to each.
He worked in three times in one workout.
Like, different things.
That's weird.
Like, I was doing, like, I was doing, like, you know, like, the restricted curl thing where it's, like, the, there's, like, the thing that you put your arms on and then you do curls.
Yeah.
Of course.
I was doing that.
Of course.
I had, like, a 50-pound thing.
And he was like, do you care if I work in?
And I was like, sure.
And he takes it off and grabs the 70-pound one and puts it on.
And he wasn't even doing any biceps that day.
So he's just like blatantly being like, I'm going to lift more than this kid.
I was like, come on, bro.
Come on, man.
I'm just trying to be the best we can.
Probably very nice to him and respectful.
Eh?
Oh, yeah. Brandon, is your new house going to have to be the best we can. Probably very nice to him and respectful. Eh? Oh, yeah.
Brandon, is your new house going to have a gym?
Really?
It's in the basement.
It's across from the basement.
Across from the basement?
Well, there's a basement, and there's a little
room where the stairs are, and then
there's a second room that's a gym.
So the basement. The basement proper has the big space, and then the's a second room that's a gym. The basement proper has the big
space and then the smaller space in the basement
is the gym.
Is it an unfinished basement? No, it's finished.
Next to the furnace?
No.
No.
What's the
best amenity of the house?
Best feature?
If you said it, it would give the house away
because there's something about this house that I hope to get invited a lot.
It's awesome.
Multiple sunrooms.
That's why you want to get invited?
No, no.
I can't say it.
I can't say what it actually is, yeah.
What is it?
Swimming pool.
I just whisper it.
It's got to be a swimming pool.
It's got to be some sort of pool.
Hold on.
Yeah, it has to be some sort of pool.
Body of water.
I've showed you the house.
Is it a ball pit?
Is it a ball pit?
I don't remember.
Ball pit?
It's definitely a ball pit, isn't it?
Definitely a ball pit.
I'm fucking jealous.
McDonald's ball pit, yeah.
It's an above ground, though.
Oh.
The backyard.
Climbing the ball pit.
The bouncy
castle.
Oh.
What are you
looking at?
I think Kate
texted us.
It was just a
picture you sent.
That was it.
Oh, yeah.
You didn't
send me the
link.
Whoa, okay.
What'd she
send?
I didn't get it.
I don't even
have my phone.
A life-sized
statue of you
doing the
Heil
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
How did you do that?
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
What the fuck, Brandon?
Kate, you could have texted the words that.
Yeah, you didn't have to.
What I did was read it.
Very interesting choice there.
That was a really weird thing to do, wasn't it?
Wow, that is fun.
It is one, two, three, four, five words combined.
And Kate sent a picture of herself with text on it.
Saying the words with a speech bubble.
A speech bubble, yeah.
Fucking freak shit.
That's freak shit.
You're insane.
I don't know why I did that.
That was weird.
I saw it.
That was a weird thing to do.
That is insane.
That's a psychopath.
That was weird. Kate communicates in memes. Mem a weird thing to do. That is insane. That's a psychopath. That was.
That was weird.
He communicates in memes.
No.
Memed the news to everyone.
Oh, okay.
That's outrageous.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Booze, you want to bring up our wheel?
So we can camp.
We're going to camp.
Is that booze?
It might not be booze.
That would be.
It's booze.
Okay.
Oh, what? You're trying to get out of here? No, I just thought. Oh, wow. He spun going to camp. Is that booze? It might not be. That would be. It's booze. Oh, what? You're trying to get out of here?
No, I just thought. Oh, wow.
He spun the guy down. I want Name Wheel Ice Cream Sunday Party so bad. Alright.
So far,
so good.
I was just going to have the wheel up for whenever we wanted
to do it, but Booze decided it was time to go ahead and do it.
That's fine. Do you know how to do the Name Wheel, Booze?
I don't know if you've
gotten this. I think so.
Does Francis, do you have a wheel you'd like to have?
I think he has a wheel. I think Francis does have a wheel.
I don't think so. You want a wheel?
You need one if you're going to be in the show.
Your name needs to go on the name wheel.
I'm not really on here that often anymore.
You're on here whenever you are.
I would say you're
probably top five most appearances.
Top three.
You're not three.
What's the Yaks stats Twitter will tell us?
Who is the...
I guess it would have to be Frank,
wouldn't it?
Frank would still have it.
We call Mints a good bit.
A lot of people
want Frank Thursdays back.
They want, like, once a month Frank Thursday.
Yeah.
He'll be back.
He's bringing it up.
Chicago, yeah.
I feel like every day more people are going to Chicago.
Big T's now going. Is Dave Potenoy going? Potenoy going to Chicago. Big T's now going.
Is Dave Potnoy going?
Potnoy might be going.
Big T's going?
Big T's going?
I hope he – maybe he hasn't announced that.
I think he –
Yeah, you're just Darren Waller.
He might not have announced it.
Yeah.
He told me this morning.
I'm sorry.
I hope he has.
There was someone else that I was thinking of that I don't think announced it
that I was going to say, but now I'm not going to out of fear for literally ruining their life.
I was just kidding about Big T.
Before they tell their parents Brandon Walker has to get the news off his chest.
I didn't know we were.
I'm just kidding, brother.
Big T loves you.
He looks up to you like a father.
He actually doesn't like me.
You're his mentor.
That's been an interesting dynamic between he and I
because we're really the same person, just 20 years different.
I'd love to hear a list of his favorite 10 people in the office
because I think that he wouldn't get to five.
I don't know that he'd get to three.
Who's on his list of three?
Rico.
They're best buds.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Rico and Big T are?
They're politically aligned.
I might be one. Yeah. You might be one. Yeah? Yeah. You going Big T or? They're politically aligned. I might be one.
Yeah.
You might be one.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are.
I feel like you'd be
a lot of people's one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you would.
It's a curse.
Clemmer, right?
Oh, Clemmer's?
What about Clemmer?
Big T's one.
Big T likes Clemmer?
Oh, Big T's one.
Yeah.
I was talking about Frank's. Oh. Clemmer wouldn't be's won. Big T likes Clemmer? Oh, Big T's won. Yeah. I was talking about Frank's.
Oh.
Clemmer wouldn't be Frank's won.
You don't think?
Brother, I've been in the dojo fucking doing...
Rowan better be Frank's won.
Doug's would have to be up there.
Doug's took a lot of time with Frank.
Who do you think...
He seemed to have a contentious vibe a lot of times.
I don't know.
Doug's hates him, but I think Doug's does...
Francis, do you have a 10?
Do you have 10?
10 people he likes?
He definitely does.
10 people I like?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All of us.
I like everybody in this room a lot.
I got 10 people I hate.
He likes 10 people I hate a lot.
My hate list is bigger, yeah.
Ani, I'm close with.
I can get to seven, I think.
Seven likes or seven hates?
Seven likes
Okay
I don't know
Maybe it's
I feel like Big T might like
The fewest people in here
I think he
Yeah
Yeah that sounds
TGA
Yeah
TGA's my boy
I love TGA
That guy Andrew
TGA we fucking
Smoke
Well I mean Rico's probably
A small list too
I don't know
Think it's grown.
Yeah.
Everyone,
you guys made us vote
for who's our least
favorite member on the Yak
and you all voted for me.
You want to do it again?
It was a fun day.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sucks.
I didn't vote for you,
I didn't vote for you either.
Someone's lying.
It wasn't just,
there was multiple votes.
Such an insane thing.
It was so weird.
And then it like
sparked everybody.
It was such a whiny
little thing.
What are we trying to do?
Yeah.
Wasn't it a...
What am I,
am I supposed to just
not care about that?
That I spend every day
with me and all came
together and said
we like you the least?
I thought it was
an indirect result.
Weren't we trying to figure out who the
second least liked the most? Yes, and then everyone
went with it, and I voted for myself.
I was like, no one's going to take this seriously.
You got demolished in that competition.
Yeah.
That was horrible. And then everybody online
was like, doing their list.
Yeah.
Nick number one.
Like tagging us.
Viva La Stool posted a poll to vote on.
Yeah.
That was horrible.
Yeah, that was a rough one.
It was a rough day for me.
You haven't thought about it since.
No.
No, actually, I just remembered that happened.
I think about it a lot today.
The day before his birthday.
Oh my god, yeah.
Funny one's been an awesome year, though.
Viva La Stool, put out what's your least favorite
sass moment for your birthday tomorrow.
A bracket.
What's your dumbest sass moment?
Here's a compilation of sass's dumbest moments.
Isn't he so stupid?
They really want me to be
the dumbest person on Earth.
We rung in this year having our first
case race, I think, which
people just celebrated your birthday
by calling you dumb.
I didn't get it that bad on that one.
It was the other ones that I got it bad.
I didn't really get it that bad on the last one.
I mean, I did, if you look at the comments.
It's like 10,000 comments.
Did I say something?
I'm the joker, babe.
Yeah.
That's all it was.
I don't really remember the last case race too well.
I thought it was the most notable thing.
I had a blast.
Roned through a football.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's why I don't remember.
He's mad at me right now.
Why? right now yeah because on uh on the weekend i have a friend a very an old friend whose name is
shane gilroy yeah and 80 of their name is the same yeah and i texted i was trying to text my
buddy shane gilroy and his brother uh that you know something uh that had come up and i texted the brother and i texted
shane gillis in a group chat it was like a long message and then i followed two messages left
and then shane gillis was like dude i don't think you meant to send this to me and i was like what
and i clarify i was like you don't understand what I'm talking about. This guy. He's like, yo, this is Shane Gillis.
And I was like, LOL, sorry.
And then I tried to send the message again to just Shane Gilroy and sent the whole thing again to just Shane Gillis.
And he goes, dude, stop texting me about this.
And I go, what? And I'm talking about this. And I go, what, man?
I'm talking about, and I'm like, oh, my God.
Oh, that's tough.
And then I asked him if he wanted to go to the Rangers game with me in a couple nights,
and he just didn't even respond.
So I think I'm in the doghouse with him.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
That's a funny-ass way to get him.
We have Shane G-I-L. Yeah. house with him. That's hilarious. That's a funny ass way to get it.
Shane G-I-L.
It's only three letters out of 12, 8, 13
that are not the same.
That feeling gives me anxiety.
Texting someone the wrong thing.
You type in
G-I-L
and then you see Shane
and you're like, there it is, that's the contact.
Always live in hell.
That's like something you get.
No, no, no, I'm talking about like
have you ever sent someone a message
that wasn't supposed to go to them?
Oh, if it's bad.
Oh, that's the worst case scenario.
I had someone here text me.
They thought they were texting their spouse about me.
Complaining about me
and they texted me by accident. Complaining about me and they texted me
by accident.
This wasn't me was it?
No it wasn't.
I would
No.
Being on either end
is such an nightmare.
I actually
I vented my woman.
I'm such like
an I'm sorry person
that I just felt bad
that they had done that
and when they realized
that they were like
oh my god I'm so sorry
I was like
don't even worry about it man.
I feel bad for you.
I had someone do that to me
and they apologized.
I just didn't reply.
Yeah.
How bad was the shit talk?
What'd they say?
It was like a paragraph.
Oh!
Yeah.
A whole paragraph?
About you?
I have so much self-hatred.
I was like, I totally get it.
Hey, no biggie.
Oh, that was just true.
Don't worry.
Yeah.
It was like, yeah.
I couldn't write a paragraph of bad things.
It was a small paragraph.
But they were annoyed at me about something, which I get.
But they meant to send it to me.
When I was tutoring, a buddy of mine had hooked up with a girl.
And while he was texting me about it, I was also having a conversation with the mother of a kid I was tutoring.
And I replied to her, the mother, yeah, she's pretty hot, her body's a lot better than her face,
all this kind of locker room talk.
And she wrote, yeah, I don't think you meant that for me,
and then they never worked with me again.
Oh, God.
I feel like I had that.
Did she think she was talking about you, or you were talking about her?
No, she knew that I hadn't meant to send that to her, but it was so kind of lewd that it just – they couldn't have me work with their daughter anymore.
Yeah.
When I was in like ninth grade and me and my buddies all started like smoking weed, I remember one of my friends got like caught by his parents and he got grounded for like six months.
And he was like my best friend still
and i was like well how am i gonna just not see him for six months and like explain it to my
parents so i texted my friends and i was like if your parents ask like what happened let's just say
like he got in like a fight with his sister or something and i sent it to my mom she was on her
way to pick me up from school and i got in the car and I grabbed her phone and I deleted it. Oh, man.
I've never felt that.
It was like the best feeling.
That's amazing.
It was my sister's birthday
and I was like,
can I see your phone?
I want to see if there's any pictures
of me and my sister.
And I grabbed it.
Has a girl ever sent you
a screenshot of what you text them?
Yeah.
Yeah, I've gotten that.
No, that's terrible.
That's happened to you?
Yeah. It's like the worst feeling. It's that. No, that's terrible. That's happened to you? Yeah.
It's like the worst feeling.
It's horrible.
I think it's worse doing it to someone else than getting it done to you, I feel like.
Yeah, when that happened to me, I was like, at least I was on the, I almost felt like
I handled that way.
I was like, that's okay.
I would rather get it than send it.
Was that kid who got in trouble, was that the kid that you did the sleepover at whose
family fell into disrepair?
No, it was my buddy, Beau.
Oh, okay.
Tommy Smokes recently did it.
I can't give too many details.
And he had the worst recovery from it ever, too.
His excuse.
What was it?
He told me about that.
What was it?
I think his excuse was just like, I forget.
It was for a tweet.
I was going to screenshot a fake text.
I don't know.
I think I've done it. I was going to screenshot a fake text. I don't know. I think I've done it and been like, I was just fucking around.
Like, I think I've, like, tried to play it off like it was a joke.
Like, I've done it in, like, a group chat before.
Dude, Julio has a great.
And I've been like, just kidding.
Ha ha.
Julio has a bit about this where he did it and then he goes, sorry, I meant to put quotes around that.
That's what somebody just said.
Yeah, that's what I did. About me to you. Or, like, to me about you. That's what somebody just said about me to you
or to me about you.
That's fucked up.
That's so funny.
Something like that
is a good save.
What you did was incredible.
Dude, it was like
I've never acted that fast.
I wouldn't have had
the wherewithal at that age.
Dude, it was like
I sent it and my mom pulled into
the parking lot.
I was like, oh my fucking god.
And I like instantly got
in the car. Oh man, it was a
nightmare. Worst
feeling as a teenager, like when you know
they know something that you've
done. Yeah, like that.
My parents used to like lay me down
and like flash lights in my eyes
And be like why is there veins there
Are there blood vessels
That's too much
That's a lot
Your parents are psychos
They didn't like weed
That's what your grandma was doing
I'd come home like shit faced
And they'd be like laughing
And then I'd like smell like weed
And they'd be like you're I'd smell like weed and they'd be like, you're fucked.
You're going down the wrong path.
Can we spin this name wheel?
Oh yeah.
I got mad when I didn't smell like weed.
Yeah?
Pussy.
You smell like pussy, pussy.
Where's the weed?
Please no.
Ice cream wheel?
Could it be my ice cream?
Aren't all chains good?
I think all chains are pretty, but they're not content.
We just got to hang out with them.
It's like go to the movies.
I sent an update to TJ maybe two months ago.
What's the new one?
It should be.
Are they still all good?
Because I like the good ones.
I think it's like half and half.
I don't know if this is the...
Sushi Sake Night.
Bowling Night.
I don't think this is the...
It already hit Sushi Sake Night, and we just never did it, right?
We didn't do Hibachi.
Hibachi.
Hibachi, yeah, we just didn't do it.
Yeah, we needed a date for that.
I have a person.
What's box munching?
I don't remember.
This is not the updated list.
Oh, don't we have to learn from your video?
Oh, yes.
You have to do a tutorial.
No, that's certainly not it.
That's what I won at the Christmas swap.
Everyone got gifts, and I got...
Chase shared the video of box munching.
You're not nearly flexible enough. That was like I guess what I
won. That's what it came down to.
I guess we can go with this. I can't find the
I just got a gift.
How much was yours again? $500.
I feel so bad for you.
For so much stuff.
Least favorite doesn't get a gift.
Just to spend $500 on a gift.
And the gift I got, everyone was like, it's the first thing that comes up.
Yeah, you look so lazy.
No, I was at a Best Buy.
Hey.
Oh, yeah.
$500.
That'd be fun.
Because it was on Google.
That was like, you're a dickhead.
Yeah.
You fucking dickhead.
Oh, man. Who doesn't love that? When are we going bowling a dickhead. You fucking dickhead. Oh, man.
Who doesn't love that?
When are we going bowling? I don't know.
I'll send out a text about hibachi and also bowling.
We should go bowling after a case race.
After a case race is a nightmare.
No way. I had fun
after the last tank race when we all went
to shoot pool or whatever.
I had a great time.
That would prevent you from doing that.
You'd have to go bowling now, which would be fun for you.
It would be a good thing to look forward to, of course.
Regis, you'd have to come.
I would be honored.
You were here when we, yes.
Right.
We landed it on it.
Are you a good or bad bowler?
Obviously good.
Obviously he's good at it.
What the fuck are you talking about?
He puts spin on it
surprised people like you bowling is a sport or is it activity people are good at when they come
from states that force them to be indoors a lot minnesota wisconsin minnesota my friends a lot of
friends from wisconsin and their they and their parents are bowling over 170 every game.
Weber is from Florida.
Well, my boys all have scented balls back home now.
They got custom balls.
Floridians do have to be shaped.
One boy got tobacco.
He got a tobacco ball.
One boy's got a shaving cream ball.
So your hands smell a little nice.
Yeah.
I would love to go bowling.
I want to play laser tag, too.
Maresh is putting together a laser tag crawl.
I would love to play laser tag.
He's from Missouri.
Oh, my God.
You lied.
I did.
You lied.
Yeah, I did.
Why'd you make that up?
Why'd you say Florida?
I don't know.
I just thought that was a warm state.
You're a psycho.
Missouri does get kind of chilly.
It does.
Missouri's not as warm as you think.
A lot of cobalt, too. I think it's warm.
I used to think everything south of
Virginia was warm. Kansas City can be hot in the summer, but it can be
cool in the winter. That's good. Right in the middle.
We did interrupt you going to get dessert.
Same time tomorrow?
No.
What's? Almost 3 o'clock?
Does someone have the room after us or something like that?
You got to appease K's ex.
Why do I always have to be the guy that does it?
We're done.
We are done now.
Bracket always has the room booked at 2.30 on Tuesdays.
I always am.
I'm just having a fun time chatting with my friends.
Let's go back to the rally.
Those are our real friends.
Could you end the show, please? So it's the rally. Those are our real friends. Could you end the show, please?
So it's not me.
Those are our true friends over there.
Hibachi on Friday, he's saying?
Friday.
He's here on Friday.
Same time tomorrow.
You're here Friday?
I'm not here for another week and a half.
You're leaving?
No wonder you want to get out again.
Just get out.
Get the hell out of here.
No, this has nothing to do.
We're on vacation mode.
All right.
All right.
Show's over.
Show's over. It's the act. It's the act.
It's the act.
That's time to talk shop.
We're doing Yankees.
Love is the act.
It's the act.