The Yak - Giulio Makes a Return to Barstool HQ | The Yak 2-14-24
Episode Date: February 14, 2024Happy Valentine's Day, loversYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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You're wearing Roback right now.
I am.
I am.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
You're in the red.
Yep.
Did you do that on purpose?
I did.
Finally.
You did for Valentine's Day.
Finally, somebody gets it. I went all black. You went all black? But Titus, buddy? I did. Finally. Did for Valentine's Day. Finally, somebody gets it.
I went all black.
You went all black?
But Titus, buddy, I got to ask, where's your holiday spirit, brother?
Happy Valentine's Day, all you lovers out there.
I know.
Uh-huh. There we go. Yeah, fix your stem. is so fucking stupid
you've really really
backed yourself into a corner
but for everybody that had you dressed as baby
cupid minus 200
you have to say baby cupid
I think you do
do we know what adult cupid looks like yeah i uh yeah you have to say cupid i think you do do we know what adult cupid
looks like did adult did always make it to adulthood don't cupid i couldn't find a diaper
that's why i went with the rose cupid just a baby and it's unspoken is there always just is it the
mantle get passed do you grow out of cupid i thought cup Cupid was in the Greek god archetype. Never aging. Yeah.
We're with Julio, too, by the way.
Welcome back, Julio.
What up?
See you on a special Friday.
First time in the Chicago office.
Good to see you.
It looks good.
Yeah.
Happy to have you here, man.
Sweet, man.
Back to Cupid.
Yeah, please.
No, I've run out of Cupid stuff.
What was...
If Cupid hit you with the arrow...
You fall in love with the person you see?
You just got horny, right?
You got hard.
Yeah.
You would then the next woman you see you have, what's it, what is, what do you call people
that are into, they're turned on by pain?
Is that a masochist?
Masochist.
Are they turned on by pain or they just enjoy it?
Is there, it's not, it doesn't become sexual, does it?
That's unclear.
No, I don't think it has to be sexual.
I think it's just enjoying pain.
Who is Eros?
Eros?
The aptly named love goddess.
I think there's Greek and there's Roman.
There we go.
Oh, his Greek counterpart is Eros, yeah.
So he really got the shit out of the stick with this thing.
Cupid dominates.
Oh, Cupid is the son of Venus and Mars.
So maybe that's why he's always a baby.
It's because they're trying to drive home that it's the
son or something.
Yeah, that could be it.
I don't know. Just stuck with a baby cock
for the rest of the year. It didn't mount his dolphin?
I don't know. What's that mean?
Wait, Eros is Cupid.
No, Eros is the Greek version of Cupid.
Is that like Zeus being Jupiter?
Is that who Zeus was?
Well, who's Atlas?
Atlas.
He holds the stone.
He's the stone guy pushing up the stone.
No, I thought he carried the world on his back.
Ah, it's Sisyphus.
Eros walked so Cupid could run.
Wow. But Cupid's a baby. Cros walked so Cupid could run. Wow.
But Cupid's a baby.
Cupid flies.
Cupid crawls.
It's a baby.
Eros shuffled.
Also, a baby deciding who you should fuck.
Strange.
Yeah.
Very pure.
But the baby doesn't decide who you fuck.
Yes, the baby would hit you with the arrow in the first person you saw.
Why does a baby have arrows?
I know.
And then the other one's arrows.
Yeah, that's got...
We've been talking about that.
Yeah.
Early on.
I couldn't find a good
Cupid costume, though.
That's basically
why I went with this one.
Once Venus had a second son
and Taurus,
Cupid became older and stronger.
Babies represent
the combination of two people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
It really does.
Huh. Okay. It should really just point. It really does. Huh.
Okay.
It should really just be like a cum mascot if you think about it.
Just cum?
Yeah, just cum.
Well, just cum would mean just men.
Girls cum, I think.
No.
Girls don't cum cum.
Girls don't cum.
They don't cum?
I've had a lot of sex in my life, and let me tell you, brother.
Women just do not cum.
They don't cum.
Their upper left quadrant, you're one o'clock.
Focus on that.
What?
I read that in a book yesterday.
Is that what you aim for?
That's the aiming point?
That's the clitoral area you want to focus on.
Upper left quadrant?
Within?
Or Timothy Ferris wrote about it.
I'm still new to the book.
So we're going to one o'clock. Did you buy a book're going to go into the one okay that's part of it it's called the four hour body but they include sex so if the pussy's a highway we're
just going to take the little slight exit the shoulder yeah i guess shoulder okay okay that's
where we're going i can see that backfiring though i. I haven't tried it yet. Upper left. I need like a navigator.
They're upper left.
You're upper right.
I mean, Che probably thinks he knows.
Yes.
I didn't like how wet his mouth was for that.
Turn your mic off.
All this pussy talk's got to warm up his mouth.
The 1 o'clock out of a 12 o'clock dial, I'm assuming?
What?
Yeah.
No, a digital.
One o'clock out of the sun.
A digital clock, so you're licking far left.
Well, KB said like the four hour.
God damn it, dude.
No, never mind.
No, we're done with this segment.
The thrill is gone.
Oh, AM or PM?
Daylight saving.
What time zone are we in?
I like the beanbag glass throw.
I think that should be a pickup.
Anyway.
I thought that was already a worked in bit.
No.
I didn't realize that was natural.
That made me very angry. You should get tomatoes.
We should.
Mookster with the toss.
I love it. Love to see it. you boys eating some pussy tonight or what probably not did we cut his mic thank you
it's valentine's day boys come on jay did you do this show yesterday
i didn't i slept from like 10 30 11 till like five oh yeah how you boys feeling
jay you go first you're the one that went
you're the one with the the chafed hands they're they're 95 now so we're almost back i feel good
that it was a it sucked during it but it was a very memorable like a like a shared trauma almost
but like i feel like bondage that group was very it was a very fun stream. I do appreciate that you're getting the attention you deserve.
You are getting a lot of role.
We're done with that, though.
Because during the stream, every so often when I look at the chat,
people were, I mean, I know how chats work, but still,
people were like, why the fuck is Che passing it that way?
Why is he talking?
But, yeah, like I said this on Mostly Sports yesterday when we did it.
I was like, you passed.
I told you one time how I like my passes,
and you never had to be told again over the course of 16 hours.
Yes.
It was kind of funny because I wasn't – it was Dave, Big Cat,
and then it was five.
They had to pick five people to go.
And I was in the original starting group.
So immediately I was like, oh, I'll go rebound.
And they were like, cool.
And so every person that went up at, you know, 4 o'clock, 4 or 5, I was like, how starting group so immediately I was like oh I'll go rebound and they're like cool and so every person that went up at you know four o'clock four or five
I was like how do you want your passes do you want chest pass bounce pass and pretty much everyone
was like I don't fucking care man like however yeah and then I know how you like passes because
uh I've done that game I've rebounded for you when you do your line game yeah so I know how you like
the passes so I would do that to you and nobody said anything but then at one point maybe around like 10 o'clock or eight
o'clock you were like chad want you to rebound for me and i took that i was like okay yeah he
really wants the balls that way and then at one point i took a dinner break and i was sitting on
the couch i was next to dave and you miss one and dave turns to me he goes that's on you man you got to get out there wow and i was like all right so then later on and as the night progressed people
started being like okay i want like jerry was like i want a really fast chest pass like immediately
get the ball immediately fired my chest all right let's have a little bounce pass some people i gave
pat bev the nba you know ref ref inbound for free throws.
It's very kind.
I played virtually no role on the scoreboard.
No, you did.
That's what I'm saying. I think that I helped people's mentals be in the right spot.
No, 100% you did.
Because even things as small as, like, if the ball would go bounce,
like, a little bit left or right, you would always get it
and then walk back to the original spot and toss it.
So everything was consistent.
You weren't delivering the ball from a different angle.
I don't know.
I really did.
My respect for Che went through the roof.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
Maybe this is a lane you should explore.
Just rebounding and passing.
I mean.
Shane Battier.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The moral of the story is I realized quickly I was not one of the better
free throw shooters of the bunch, and I wouldn't be in the final group.
So anything I could do to help contribute to the team's success.
Everybody had a role to play, and we all played it perfectly.
I was the guy making the free throws.
You were the guy delivering the ball to me.
Brandon was the guy sleeping.
All right?
Did you sleep upstairs?
Two and a half hours, yep.
Okay.
I thought it was four. What? Well, a half hours, yep. Okay. I thought it was four.
What?
Well, cumulatively, possibly.
Hey, kudos to new haircut lady.
Yeah.
She did a good job.
Damn good.
She did a good job.
I feel a lot better.
It was a little rough.
It was getting bad.
It was long.
Yeah, I didn't like it.
I was not comfortable.
And she did a great job.
She did a really good job.
Yeah, it narrows out your face. It does.
That's what you want. Really? Yeah.
Well, I still got this beard.
Keep the beard. No, I think the beard works. Keep the beard.
I should have trimmed it last night, but I also went to bed pretty
early last night. But yeah,
good haircut. Shout out to her. I'm not going to say
her name, but shout out to her.
Guess that really isn't a shout out
then, is it?
You're not going to say her name?
Not going to say her name, no.
Titus, you know Julio's cool with the Taliban?
Oh.
That's interesting.
Actually, not really.
If you need anybody from our time.
I just saw Chaps, who we had it out online.
This was my sort of lone Barstool beef moment.
Chaps came from my throat.
That's right.
Suddenly, I had all of the veterans who
are barstool fans coming at me for a couple days and then he rescinded his uh his smoke for me and
apologized that's the first time we actually seen each other in person we hugged so he now agrees
with what you said he well i didn't say anything bad like he he admitted later in the day that he
had had a moment and he issued an apology.
But I still had to receive.
So on a journalistic. It was your first Barstool blog, wasn't it?
It was my first and last Barstool blog.
Well, I got to know what you said.
I just basically talked about, it was after that dude got detained by the Taliban, that Lord Miles guy.
Sure.
I basically just explained my experience in Afghanistan.
I wasn't like saying anything about the Taliban. I wasn't saying wasn't saying the taliban you say like they're kind of chill
no they were low-key they were chillers i talk about it like in my stand-up and i joke about
that but like in a in a forum like that i would never write that because it just seems like i'm
being what's the biggest compliment you could give the top did that did any yeah what does it give me
give me something yeah like anyone where i could give the taliban this i'm just this i'm being what's the biggest compliment you could give the top did that did any yeah what is it give me give me something yeah like anyone where i could give the taliban this i'm just this
i'm just reopening this this is great uh what are you going to do get fired seriously come for me
no but uh they're pretty hospitable overall to me i'm just saying you can't well yeah that happened
that since i this is the exercise the exercise is i I have to give the Taliban a superlative.
I will say that they are hospitable.
They had good manners.
They were well-mannered.
Yes, for the most part.
I mean, although forcing someone to hang out is not good manners.
So I don't know if I'd call it good manners per se, but they were nice during it.
When you agreed with them.
Right.
When you followed along.
Were you comfortable at any point?
No.
Okay.
No, never.
Yeah, it's the Taliban.
Couldn't imagine.
Yeah.
Spending time with the Taliban was not that great.
Fuck, I hope they don't hear this.
Yeah, there's no shot.
But no, it was fine if it was just on the side of the road,
but when they forced me to go somewhere,
it was very scary, to be honest.
Even in retrospect, I'm like, I never really had anything to worry about.
But you're a couple steps away from a very prickly situation at that point, and you're like, what am I doing, dude?
That's terrifying.
I didn't anticipate that.
Were you afraid that you ate with them, right?
Yeah.
Did you eat?
Did you clean plate club
so they had a bunch of food on the side of the road
they had a bunch of beans in a giant Gatorade container
alright
pour that on Andy Reid
they dumped it
they dumped it into a plate
and they
dumping something into a plate is not much of a dumping
and it is a big you know it's a bit so they're they're trying to gently oh i would have laughed
right amount of those goofballs i tried not to because they then apologized that all they had
to offer was beans sorry we only have this gatorade and i was like all good you know wait
should we do the taliban challenge on the yak where we have to eat a whole Gatorade?
Let's do the Taliban challenge.
Are you talking about the big jug?
The giant industrial OG Gatorade. I was thinking of just like a 32-ounce bottle.
The actual pour over coach.
The actual pour on the coach.
You call it the Taliban challenge.
People will click on it.
Yeah.
The yak completes the Taliban challenge.
I'll make the thumbnail.
That's pretty good.
Good brainstorming
sash i want to put them in like a squirt bottle oh oh my god i apologize for asking this question
why were you in afghanistan i was making a video okay yeah um it's a series of acceptable question
no i just i i sort of you know do that I like to make exploratory content and just seeing what places are like when you visit
versus what I expect them to be like.
And typically I've never had any problems, but Afghanistan was a slight Icarus moment.
Okay.
Well, what's the biggest difference between what you thought a place would be like and
what a place was like?
Iraq.
Really?
Not to just specifically talk about places we've gone to war, but just because it's such a good example of a place that we all have an idea about.
Very visitable.
Are you talking about outside of Baghdad or even in Baghdad?
Entire country.
Like very, very doable.
This is going to sound obnoxious, but you could literally go there on your honeymoon.
Where'd you go on your honeymoon?
Well, it is like some of the fertile, the fertile beautiful land yeah the birthplace of civilization great
history the people are unbelievably nice no one will let you pay for anything cabs were free the
whole time food free the whole were they just excited to have a tourist there partially yes
but they actually fight with each other about who's gonna pay also there'll be signs in restaurants
that say everybody pays for themselves because people are fucking fighting each other well yeah isn't isaac still heavily there not like maybe
today i can't speak on specifically at the time they were sort of banished to the outskirts of
do they fight because they want to pay they want to be the guy that picks up the tab or they want
the other guy they get in shouting matches and fistfights about who's gonna cover them oh nice
guys yeah you love to say it.
It's very Midwestern.
That's a tough sell for, like, the honeymoon, though.
So, but, like, dude, I'm not kidding.
Really, really nice trip.
Amazing food.
Like KB said, birthplace of civilization, great history.
And the North has, like, mountains.
It's really a beautiful, great country.
I'm not just being that guy who says that.
Are you familiar with, I think it's it's really a beautiful gray country i'm not just being that guy who says that are you familiar with i think it's called cap capagon like the oh drug that's gone that's
that's tearing apart the middle east it's like their adderall is it like a leaf it's like a
cot kind of thing or is it something else that's shot yeah that's something else. All the soldiers are, just civilians,
are addicted to this laboratory makeshift Adderall.
I've heard about it.
I've never taken it or seen anybody do it.
Yeah, I want to try it.
Yeah, that seems like something.
You get hooked on Iraqi Adderall.
Got the Taliban challenge and the Iraq challenge.
Yeah, we got the two.
So what place, this is interesting to me, so sorry if I'm asking too many questions.
What place did you have a preconceived notion and then it hit it 100% on the head?
Ooh, that's interesting.
Maybe places that are more well-known, like Costa Rica was pretty in line with what I expected.
I will say this, like the biggest risk as a traveler that i find i bet that donnie would corroborate this is any place that
you're likely to get robbed in like that's a thing that will actually happen have you been robbed uh
my camera guy got pickpocketed in ecuador but i personally have not been knock on wood but like
that'll happen to you but like the chances of getting being the victim of some sort of terrorism
or something the odds are just
way more in your favor but if you're walking
around Rio at night by yourself like
it's probably not the move yeah
you know so I don't know
yeah
alright well Titus is a rose
was that for The Bachelor
last night oh The Bachelor was last night
did you get to catch up?
I caught up.
I caught up.
I was worried about you.
There's new drama.
Go figure.
What's the new drama?
I mean, just there's this one girl that people don't like.
I think I saw a tweet about her.
She had the one hair strand coming down.
Asian?
Yeah, Asian.
She's the drama starter, it seems.
Is that her name?
No.
Maybe.
Drama starter?
Asian.
Asian.
No, that's not her name.
I forget her name.
I would doubt it.
Could be.
She got voted out?
It's one of our picks, right?
I don't know.
Man, I don't.
There are white people with the last name White.
Yeah, so.
There are white people with the first name White, though.
Uh-huh.
Are there?
I bet, yeah.
White McDonald's.
Oh, White Goodman?
Goodman.
White Goodman.
Oh, that's a character.
Yeah.
Where have you been in the past year?
Like nowhere, honestly.
I've been on the road a lot, like doing, so I've been traveling around America a lot.
I was just in Springfield, Missouri, Phoenix, San Diego, bopping around on the mook grind,
dude.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
You've been out here, right?
Greyhound buses?
Road dogging.
Not usually, but you know.
You taking the bus?
Oh yeah.
Bus to St. Louis, bus to uh fucking i forget the other
shithole but louisville louisville nice dude yeah that's a long bus it's like six hours yeah
that's serious yeah building character i'm home for a little bit i'm going to miami for the first
time or second time in two weeks you doing stand-up no bachelor party that's probably the
hardest city to do stand-up in my opinion mi. Yeah. Cause the crowds don't want to laugh.
Comedy crowd.
They just,
they are like used to having way more fun than that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pleasure.
Bro.
And you'll start talking and like five minutes in there,
like better.
What about me?
Like you got to start doing crowd work immediately.
Yeah.
Got to talk about that.
There's nothing funny to them.
Like the last time I was there,
a dude projectile vomited all over the front row and cleared out like 50 seats.
And then a woman flashed us as she got kicked out of the venue.
It's pretty awesome.
It's a complete shit show.
I like that.
God damn.
Mook, you're getting close to the Perth trip.
Yeah.
What was that?
It's because it's starting to become real. Oh, yeah. And I'm starting to- You're within a month, right? Yeah. What was that? Yeah. What was it? It's because it's starting to become real.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm starting to-
You're within a month, right?
Yeah.
March.
You're in Australia?
Yeah.
Earth.
Are you familiar?
Why are you begrudging about it?
I know.
It's beautiful.
What could possibly be wrong with going?
I haven't been.
Probably because it's an expensive trip, right?
I'm just wondering.
Not for him.
You're going on vacation?
Me and Kyle paid for it.
We got it.
We got it as a gift for being our producer.
So I take off.
What would be the problem?
Take off March 7th, land March 9th.
I'm there until March 10th.
And then I fly home the 11th and get back like the 13th, I think.
Got it.
So it's a quick turnaround.
A saga.
Holiday Inn Express.
It's going to be a good trip.
Just for one night.
Yeah, just one night in Perth.
Just knock it out.
Knock it off the bucket.
You're going to try to get some activities in?
You're going to hit the bush or what?
I'm going to fucking probably sleep.
Yeah.
I would get your rest in early and then rest up for the flight.
Is it direct flight? no by no means by
the knowest of me what is the route walk me through this not that bad chicago to la okay la to melbourne
melbourne melbourne melbourne i'm not even gonna have enough time to like figure that out and then
melbourne to perth yeah you're right you don't need to learn any of the local anythings i'm going to show up i'm going to fall asleep and then get back on the plane i think
what airline malaysia malaysian malaysia oh very nice historically
don't yeah i mean wait isn't that the one that disappeared
yeah sure is that exactly that was just one plane, though.
It wasn't the whole airline.
It eternally disappeared.
Still no leads.
Which is an awesome way to go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You hate to have a sort of internal problem when you're flying an airline.
But listen, I'm sure they figured it out.
I hope it disappears.
Are you flying in coach?
I think I have comfort, maybe.
No?
On some of the legs.
On some of the legs.
To L.A.
I have not looked in a while.
Yeah, I think so.
I think you're in comfort.
That's going to be great.
We got you a driver to pick you up, right?
Yeah, that guy.
Travis. Travis. Travis. My queen's out up, right? Yeah, that guy. Travis.
Travis.
Travis.
My queen's out there.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about Travis.
Cool guy.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yeah, I'm stoked.
Have you been to Australia?
I have not.
Oh, look at that.
Yeah.
Let me know how it is.
Went up on Julia.
You want to come with?
Sort of, but I don't know about the quick turnaround.
I think I got something going on those days, too.
Does he have to worry about blood clots?
They say, you know, it's bad for your heart potentially
to switch time zones so rapidly.
So just make sure you hydrate beforehand.
He's switching them right back though.
Yeah, you're right.
He's going to reverse it so quickly.
I'm going to come back looking like Mantis after this.
I think that is the problem though.
Like there are some professional athletes
who've had to retire young
because they developed this irregular from switching time zone.
So regularly.
Oh really?
Yeah.
I got blood clots,
but it's also tough to be like seven feet tall on a plane.
I don't matter.
But also normal size people,
Robin Soderling,
the great tennis player,
Magnus Norman,
both guys who had to retire young because I didn't know it was that
impactful.
Yeah.
It's a thing.
You got to do some high knees in the,
yeah. The circadian rhythm, Yeah, that's a thing. You got to do some high knees in the... Yeah, circadian rhythm things. Keep the circulation going.
Put your feet on grass.
How many shits do you think you're going to take on the plane?
Five or six.
Yeah, that's tough.
I'm a heavy eater before the flight, too.
There'll be 70 food on there.
I've never flown long distances on planes that are meant to do that.
Do they have bigger bathrooms?
I don't know.
Typically.
They do?
Not by much, but.
So it's not like a full bathroom or anything?
Some of your legs may still be touching the wall in some capacity if you were to go numero
dos in there.
Have you shit on a plane?
I've had food poisoning on a long flight before.
So that's the only time, though. Otherwise, I would never.
Yeah.
Flight to where?
From Dubai to
New York. That's a long one.
Food poisoning does sound like a convenient excuse
for just having diarrhea, though.
There's always a reason for diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning.
It was pretty bad. I was laying on the floor of the plane
shirtless on the bathroom floor. Oh, fuck. But you could lay in there comfortably, though. I was pretty sure it was food poisoning. It was pretty bad. I was laying on the floor of the plane shirtless on the bathroom floor.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, but you could lay in there comfortably, though.
I was sort of like...
Oh.
It was really bad, dude.
It was one of the worst moments of my life.
What were the flight attendants doing?
They, dude, they were not compassionate at all.
I was like, do you think there may be an upgrade?
Because I'm sick.
They're like, just go to the bathroom in the front of the plane so you don't disrupt any
of the passengers.
Oh, my God.
So you just were in that little coffin?
Fortunately, it was the, what's it called?
The Airbus, the big one.
For you to know this.
380.
Yes, 380.
So, like, there's a lot of bathrooms, so I could camp out without anybody being like, get the fuck out of there.
But it was still traumatizing.
Like, really, really bad.
Aside from death of a loved one, it was the worst day of my life.
Nick, you vomited red wine on the flight?
A lot of red wine to where they had to close the bathroom.
Which to the ire of Yukon women's head coach, forget his name.
Gina?
Gina Ariema?
Gina, you never told me Gina was on that flight.
I was sitting right next to him.
Oh.
Really?
That's a legend, right?
Flying to Anchorage, and I was really afraid for the flight,
and I had a lot of red wine.
That was a great series, by the way.
I'm assuming that's what this was for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a underappreciated.
Coming back.
Summer?
Well, we're going to shoot a Chicago one.
Do a local one.
Concept for sales.
Next month.
Because we don't have any proof of concepts for the show.
So, yeah. one for sales next month because we don't have any proof of concepts for the program the show so yeah that'll be fun do you have another you have a video coming out i'm doing yeah i have one uh from nicaragua coming out i got food poisoning on that one too i get food most of
the time is it have you ever gotten the the water thing what's's that? Is it Montezuma's Revenge?
Oh, for sure.
You've had it?
Well, I mean, it's just getting food poisoning, right?
I thought it was from the water.
Oh, but that's the thing.
But they wash the lettuce and stuff.
Exactly.
Like, produce is what'll get you.
Okay.
And I get it like clockwork at the end of a trip.
I start getting cocky.
I start eating too much.
And then before you know it, I'm sick as a dog.
As long as you have decent facilities to spend 12 hours in, you're fine. But I don't want to do I start eating too much. And then before you know it, I'm sick as a dog. As long as you have a decent facilities to like spend 12 hours in, you're fine.
But I don't want to do that at all.
Yeah.
That sounds like a big ask.
It sucks.
I would.
Wait, are you going somewhere where the water's gonna be a problem?
Chicago.
I don't think so.
Oh, so then don't worry about it.
Okay.
Mook should worry about this though.
In Perth?
Well, I mean, it's a big travel.
It messes up your stuff
your digestion i would recommend not eating that is objectively the funniest thing you could do
though is as soon as you land get food poisoning oh my god like it would suck for you from like
an australian burger but that's the funniest thing that could happen i'm gonna go to wendy's
and be like this is sick yeah and you are a comedian so i'm sure you will think about this
so we're doing this he's gonna write do what you need to do and get food poisoning.
Okay.
For the story.
Sure.
I think it's going to be relaxing.
No, it's not.
In no world will this trip be.
You're forced to just sit and think and write.
You're going to do so much quality thinking.
No, that's going to be the dark thinking.
That might be quality. I the thinking that's like i hope
this plane crashes no no no no that's ridiculous you'll be on the first one you'll be full of hope
you'll be full of what am i gonna find in perth on the way back you're gonna be so happy to be
coming home gonna be sun kissed makeup like maybe like i'm, like, butterfly kiss.
Not a full sunburn kiss.
I'm going to have, like, six hours of sunlight and come back looking red as shit.
Yeah.
Just make, like, a viral TikTok of, like, I saw this restaurant in Perth I wanted to try, so I went there and got it.
I ate lunch in Perth today.
Yeah, that's what it's going to be.
Yeah.
Be careful, though, dude.
The ozone layer is very weak there.
You'll get sunburned really bad.
I've heard.
Wow, I didn't know. You have a lot of warnings. The ozone layer is very weak there. You'll get sunburned really bad. I've heard. Wow, I didn't know.
You have a lot of warnings.
I don't know what that means.
I'm just, you know, listen, I'm just trying to impart some wisdom onto my pal here.
I've heard that.
I've heard the flight path is, like, strictly over the ocean, like one of the longest flight paths you can have over an ocean.
Oh, nice.
I would rather crash an ocean than land.
Am I incorrect there?
Which is it? I'd rather crash in the ocean than land. Zal, am I incorrect there? Which is it?
I'd rather crash in the ocean than land.
Ooh.
I don't know about gas and water, man.
Maybe land takes me out while you're at it.
You're not dying immediately in either situation?
I think you're more likely to die immediately on land, right?
I would think so, right?
But if you're in the ocean in the middle of nowhere,
it's not like you can just call somebody
and be like, come pick us up real quick. We just landed in the ocean.
When they do the path,
do they try to do it in a way where if they
needed to emergency land, there's an island nearby?
They'd have to, right? I don't think
that's an option on this one. There's islands
everywhere.
Did we do this before? This one goes
straight down to Antarctica and then goes over
or something like that. So maybe it has to land in Antarctica.
You're flying over Antarctica, dude. That's sick.
That counts as being there.
I'm going to be knocked out the entire time.
I found an article. The whole time.
Why Perth is the worst city in the
world.
We read that article, actually.
Let this be a warning to you, rest of the world.
Never come to Perth ever.
The beaches, there are no good beaches to be found.
This is satirical, Mook.
Sexy people.
There are far too many sexy people.
Yes, they're trying to keep tourists out.
Yeah, but no, but these are bad things for me.
No, they're trying to keep people out.
It's sunny all the time.
I don't do sun.
Black swans?
It's like the montana vibe
yeah i just got yeah i just got god fuck the onion this is by far the sunniest major city
in australia it's sunny and there are hot people yeah sounds terrible that's not good for me
well you'd like the hot people i I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb.
This was not the product of spinning the wheel.
No, this was appreciation from Nick and KB.
Pod's been going well under Mook's rule.
Very, very nice.
Eat your fruit by the foot.
I don't like fruit by the foot.
Really?
I don't like fruit roll-ups or fruit by the foot.
I don't like any of those.
It looks shitty now.
What food spells fruit F-R-O-O or fruit by the foot. I don't like any of those. It looks shitty now.
What food spells fruit F-R-O-O-T?
Fruit loops.
Fruit loops do that?
This is interesting packaging.
Yeah, they just... It says foot real big.
Yeah, it does.
Oh, that's cool branding.
No, they used to have fun Pan-African colors.
It says fruit by the very small, and then it just says foot real big.
Yeah.
I don't want to see foot.
That looks fucking ridiculous.
It does.
You're right.
Dude, if I look at the rose long enough, it looks like a fruit by the foot.
Yeah.
You could ball it.
A fruit rose would be beautiful.
It would be.
Do you guys want to maybe do a lady in the tramp situation with the fruit by the foot
for Valentine's Day?
Probably.
I guess we have to.
Maybe Mark and Brandon?
I mean, we would have to wheel it.
We'd have to wheel it to see who would do it.
Two names to fruit by the foot.
Julia also has to do the challenge.
Yeah.
I think it would be sneaky good.
You never know.
You shoot a basketball?
Yeah.
Division one guy.
Really?
Yeah.
In basketball?
No, I play tennis.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But I'm an okay basketball player where'd
you play tennis boston university oh cool yeah that's the terriers the terriers yep
quite a mascot correct where are you from um connecticut okay yeah i don't like the paint
the picture that that paints no one yes the worst answer i'm from like rural connecticut people say people always say that
there's no rule there is dude like like you know two and a half hours outside of new york
like small town does anywhere in the state smell like cow shit yeah yeah sure all right sure i live
nearby one of the places that does in fact okay but Okay. But anyway, so... So you're from the mud?
No, I'm not saying that, but I come from a small town.
Okay, okay.
You know, pretty middle-class town.
My dad happened to give tennis lessons.
So that was my...
That's not good.
You can't be from a town that has tennis lessons.
But like, parents, both immigrants, okay?
I don't want to paint this fucking country club picture of myself.
Your Francis Association is what's killing you.
Guilty by Francis.
Was there tennis in Mississippi?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was – to be good at it, you had to go to like a private school probably.
Yeah.
But it was – we have in my hometown one court with four and one court with two.
And I used to play a little bit.
You know, I played recreationally as a high schooler, but not on a team.
Wasn't Mintz like a state champion or something?
Yeah, in Louisiana he was a private school state champion.
What?
He probably wasn't good.
Is there an internet footprint of this?
We're talking about Ben Mintz?
Ben Mintz was a tennis state champion?
Regardless of level.
Yeah, but.
He's competed and won.
Yeah.
Was it an event where most people get medals?
No.
I think it was an actual competition.
He's got good hand-eye coordination.
If you've ever seen the ping pong.
Oh, yeah. That was ridiculous. He's good at ping pong which is oh yeah that was he's good
at ping pong he's asked me off camera he found out that i played tennis when i was younger he
was like oh we should hit sometime he's like i haven't done in a while but you know he
proactively so i feel like it's real i guess mantis being a sniper from the free throw line
should make me not be surprised by stuff like this anymore but i'm stunned that you're telling
me that ben mentz knows how to knows how to hold a tennis racket yeah much less i don't know the
quality of the as a champion louisiana private school small school brandon i mean i i do not
care okay literally does not literally if you told me ben Mintz played anybody in this office one-on-one in tennis and scored one single point, I would be like, what?
Francis is good at tennis, actually.
That's stunning.
I would love Mintz to beat Francis in tennis.
That would be the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Remember the Mintz-Francis beef?
Because Mintz said he wasn't good at trivia.
No.
Yeah, there was a beef.
That's hilarious.
I'm going to a widespread panic show this weekend.
Oh, you are going.
I am going.
I think we're doing the Friday show.
It's an experience.
It's great.
Have you gone before?
I've gone to widespread panic with Ben Mints in New York.
You did.
In New York.
How many of the drugs?
How many did I do?
Yeah.
Not a drug guy.
Didn't do any.
Didn't do any.
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to this time.
And mints.
I don't think I...
Yeah, that feels...
I feel like being around mintsy is a drug in and of itself.
Yeah, it's a rough shot.
I think I'll be good you
put ashes on his face this morning uh ash no we didn't have we couldn't even make well he's
walking around with black stuff on his face yeah yeah um that's a we had to use a dry erase marker
but then when he got on his knees for me to give him ashes, his hamstring cramped up real, real bad.
I can't hate on him on that.
Did you see the video?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was very.
Yeah, I did a good job with that.
He's looking good.
He is.
He is.
But he said he had to atone for sins.
Also, what he's given up for Lent.
I asked him on the show yesterday. Then I asked him again this morning. What are's given up for Lent, he's... I asked him on the show yesterday, then I
asked him again this morning, what are you giving up for Lent? And he said,
I'm just living better.
That's what he said. I'm just
going cleaner. So I don't
know that he's actually giving anything up. He's giving up
shitty living. He's giving up even more of his...
No flaws. Yeah, I think he's just...
He's giving up flaws. I think he's tightening up what he was already previously doing.
What a journey.
He's a positive guy to be around.
You're going to enjoy the show.
One of the most positive.
Yeah, I'll be back on Monday with a report.
Hopefully.
Yeah, hopefully.
We'll see.
We'll see.
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How big of a spy cam would it have to be?
One of those 1980s TV cameras.
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All right.
What else we got
Mook I have an idea for you
just want to throw this out there
you could pull the ultimate counter
prank here if you were to stage
your entire trip somehow
and not go at all
that would be pretty good
I feel like we'd be on
now it's ruined
some inkling of suspicion
you could have texted me that.
Shoot.
There is a way to do this, dude.
You could go.
You could make it happen.
You could get all the footage in advance, make it look like.
We're going to have to chip Luke.
We're going to have to chip him.
Now it just got worse for him.
Now he's chipped.
Like a stray dog.
Yeah.
Yeah, you guys are going to have to track whether or not he checks in for all the flights.
Otherwise, he can pull a fast one.
The smart move would be for me to extend the trip,
but just go stay.
That just,
that kills the whole thing.
What whole thing?
The whole thing is me just in and out,
you know,
if I'm enjoying myself,
once you get there,
you,
you owe no obligation to anybody else to see,
see out anything like that.
I also don't have like cash
just to be like yeah i can hang out in australia for an extra four days i got i got 40 bucks 40
bucks for you okay give him a thousand 40 is big titus thousand we're up to a thousand forty maybe
we can give him little missions and side missions to extend the length of his trip i would do that
like quests impossible quest side quests no yeah they won't they won't be doable so quested if you missions to extend the length of his trip. I would do that. Like quests?
Impossible quests.
They won't be doable.
So if you didn't get it done,
you would spend your entire trip doing.
It would be really inconvenient shit just to stay longer to do more inconvenience.
I'm sending you there
with my dirty laundry.
I want you to do my laundry in Perth.
You're going to plant horcruxes around fucking Perth, Australia?
For you to destroy.
That's beautiful.
It'll be great.
To be honest, if you find a Bible, not even in the ocean,
just a Bible, on the beach,
somebody reading one, I will pay for an extra two days. I'll double. On the beach. Somebody reading one.
I will pay for an extra two days.
I'll double it.
I'll pay for two more.
So it can't be like the Bible in the hotel room.
It has to be like a Sunday reading a book.
No, reading a Bible on the beach.
And it can't be on a Kindle.
Okay.
And I'll be able to tell if you planted it there.
All right, that's my hunt then.
Imagine he finds an ocean Bible though.
Ocean Bible, I will let you stay there for a year.
I'll pay for your rent.
Down.
Do you sleep well on flights or in transit in general since you've been taking the bus?
I can knock out for like an X amount of hours.
That's the biggest non-answer.
What does that mean?
I think the answer is yes.
I think the answer is sometimes.
You know the amount. I like on travel for hours like i can get myself to be like i need to get two hours on this flight to
make it bearable and then i just kind of like drink yeah a certain amount you know what i mean
i can't sleep on planes at all so a flight to australia would be a nightmare because i don't
know how it would i think you you would this one's also broken up time wise to where it's like as soon as i get
comfortable i have to like get back up i think one of them's it was pretty long 12 hours the
la to melbourne one you should have plenty of time yeah i can't sleep on flights either and
it's really frustrating uh that's somebody. Why do you even like traveling then?
I don't know, but I force myself to close my eyes without doing anything for an extended period of time,
and it's like 10% as good as actually sleeping.
Aren't you on that wave, Nick?
Stoicism is kind of like, you know.
I'm not on to stoicism just yet.
I'm starting to.
I'm trying my best.
I'll let you know.
Okay.
But when I force myself to close my eyes
it just is an invitation
for me to think about everything that's ever happened
in my life and every
stress that will ever be in my life and
who my kids are going to marry and when they're going to die
and just everything I can't close my eyes
I have to stay active
that is what happens to me when I smoke weed
but it doesn't happen to me in my resting
maybe you need to start smoking weed
the opposite it's way worse to me when I smoke weed. Yeah, same. But it doesn't happen to me in my resting. Maybe you need to start smoking weed.
The opposite.
It's way worse.
Way, way worse.
In LA, I thought I was in a hotel room I would never escape.
And I started almost calling people to please. That's what I said, dude.
Once I got past the probably the first 20 grueling sessions
where I was in misery amongst the worst moments of my life all stacked up
once I got past that hump yeah then the then the paradise followed Jeff calling me at like 3 a.m
driving you to the hospital was a shocking one and if I didn't do that if I didn't put myself
through that scenario I would never have been able to enjoy the all the amazing top five feelings.
Heart racing situation for the hospital trip?
It was I was sure of death.
Yeah.
I got high in Afghanistan.
You got high in Afghanistan?
I didn't mean to.
What?
No, I had nothing else.
Yeah, I got high in Afghanistan.
Is that allowed?
Yeah, they smoke a bunch of hash and stuff there.
So we found some burnout guy who's like,
he's like, I got the good shit for you.
Anyway, so if you feel that way in general when you get high,
which I do, it's not a good idea to smoke weed in Afghanistan.
I get afraid when I'm in my own home,
surrounded by things that are mine.
Yeah, I immediately regretted everything. And sometimes those thoughts stick with you things that are mine. Yeah. I immediately regretted everything.
And sometimes those thoughts stick with you when you're sober.
Yeah.
Which is a bummer about like seeing the light in the negative way.
But apparently I did.
So you had a freak out in Afghanistan?
A little bit.
I felt a little bad about myself for the rest of that day and about the trip.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have done that.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have even gotten to Afghanistan
unless we rafted.
Have you been to any of the other stands?
No, but I'd like to do a deep dive.
They seem fun.
Which stand would you go to next?
Probably Uzbekistan.
I'd want to do an Uzbekistan-Turkmenistan combo.
Oh, yeah.
You have to put those together.
So Turkmenistan is like everything's beautiful,
made of marble,
but no one's there
in the city center.
Correct.
Which is a little sad,
I imagine.
I'm not sure, obviously.
But Uzbekistan is like
actually fun,
like non-ironically.
And I think Turkmenistan
is sort of like,
ooh, this is weird.
It's like a North Korea situation.
Type of vibe.
Yeah.
If I had to pick.
You ever tried mushrooms, Brandon?
No, no.
I haven't tried many drugs.
I've smoked weed often.
Not often, but relatively.
I did cocaine once, and then I have never tried it.
Where did you do cocaine?
Just at a friend's house.
In Mississippi?
Mm-hmm.
You did Mississippi cocaine?
How'd that go?
How old were you?
Um, there was a time about three hours in where I thought, this is my new life.
This is the greatest thing that's ever happened.
And then I, uh, then I never did it again because I just didn't.
Um, yeah, but it was, it was pretty awesome.
So you have the gene.
I have the gene.
Okay.
Yeah, so I had to.
We got to get you to try mushrooms, I think.
I agree.
I think you'd love mushrooms.
I don't know that because.
It's something that messes with your brain.
When I get on weed, or sometimes I'm good on weed,
but when I get on weed, it's usually just.
I get anxiety.
I think I'm going to get fired.
I think I'm going to do this.
I think my wife is going to leave me.
I get anxiety smoking weed, too. i don't smoke weed at all mushrooms
mushrooms completely different really yeah so what feeling does that unleash just fucking it's like
euphoric adderall yeah it's like a confidence booster like i feel very confident in all my
decision making as opposed to weed which makes me feel the opposite but that's different than
like actually tripping on mushrooms.
Right.
To me,
mushrooms is like,
it's,
it's,
it's a very big concept and idea.
Like what,
when you say mushrooms,
is it one thing?
Is it just a family of things?
Yeah,
man.
It's all one.
Everything all around.
I'm asking though.
You get it?
Do you?
Yeah,
you want it.
So when people microdose,
they have to take it every day just to like keep it in their system. I don't know. I don't think you get it do you yeah you want so when people microdose they have to take it
every day
just to like
keep it in their system
I don't know
I don't think you have to
I think people microdose
just to feel a mild effect
you have to know
they can still function
I really like having
a serious conversation
with you right now
so it's interesting
I was actually reading
this medical journal
about this
and um
it would be awesome
to have to break news
in that
I wonder if any OR docs
on Halloween
on call had to
tell a family
Or we should have you serve divorce papers
JD on Scrubs once was wearing a clown
costume and he had to tell somebody their family died
Really? There it is
Scrubs has done it all
Scrubs has done it all Ac Scrubs have done it all.
Yeah.
Acid's a much cleaner experience, by the way,
than taking a lot of mushrooms.
It sounds much worse, or it sounds much dirtier.
It's bad PR.
Like, mushrooms, I find-
Maybe they should have called it acid.
Really?
If I take a lot of mushrooms, it's too many, like, waves.
Physical sickness, emotional.
Acid's not really like that.
Acid's just smooth sailing, but it's a little more intense.
How many do you take if you want to trip mushroom-wise?
Like if I'm eating the mushrooms themselves?
Yeah.
Like not a crazy amount.
Like two and a half.
Not like a high school amount.
An X amount.
Half an eighth if you want to trip balls.
Yeah.
The first time I did it, it was my freshman year of college,
and we were like, let's do it.
Like, let's trip. And we all ate an of college and we were like, let's do it. Like let's trip.
And we all ate an eighth of shrooms.
That's a lot.
And it like changed my entire life in a good way.
It was like very scary to the point where like,
I was like,
I got to get my shit together.
Like I had a bad trip at the end.
Oh really?
Oh yeah.
But it was like fun for like the up was fun.
The down was like intensely.
I just took too many.
Yeah.
Fucked me up for a little.
Yeah.
That'll happen.
But the microdose is like taking a little bit of shrooms and going out to a bar.
So fun.
I'm too big of a pussy to try anything.
I'm the same.
I don't want to be around anyone who's not on it.
That makes it weird.
I hate that.
You talking about me?
Oh, you mean when...
If I'm on like something like
shrooms i need everyone in my group to also be on it to feel we went on that camping trip with a
big group oh yeah that was horrible you snuck away yeah and then somehow roan had to have known
that you were tripping he probably has some sort of sensor he was trying to sell me property he
called you again when you were freaking out he called you to sell you property. I got to take this.
And then you looked at me like, I think I got to do this.
Invest in like Sterling Heights or something.
You want to read the high noon?
Sure do.
Sure, sure do.
Today's episode is brought to you by High Noon.
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Brandon, what are you stressing over there?
I'm not.
I'm just setting up a college football podcast interview.
Who you got? No. I'm doing it for somebody else's podcast so i met a guy in uh in in vegas
that uh has one and said will you come on and i said yes and he just texted me and i didn't
i got a dm to hop on a random podcast i can't say what it's about i need to be doing more i'm going
on monday night really yeah just a dude he said he was like shot in them. to hop on a random podcast. I can't say what it's about. I need to be doing more of those. I'm going on Monday night. Really? Yeah, just a dude.
He was like shot in the dark.
Will you hop on?
Yes.
Brandon, you should take a week where you say yes to any podcast.
That would be so cool.
You know what?
It's Brandon Walker week in the podcast.
I'll do it with you.
Hey, there's this guy.
What's going on?
How we doing, man?
How's some pizza?
What's going on?
How are you?
Yeah.
How we doing?
Buddy.
Good to see you. Good to see you. How you taking, man? How are you? What's How we doing? Buddy. Good to see you.
Good to see you.
How are you?
What's up?
He brought us some.
Oh, shit.
He brought us some pizza.
Did you order five pizzas?
What's up, man?
If I remember correctly, he works at a pizza place.
He might.
Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
How we doing?
Here, take a seat.
Thank you, dude.
Yeah, I just thought I'd stop by and bring out some people.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate you.
I wasn't here.
You took my seat the last time, but how's everything?
I'm good, man.
I'm living the dream.
Can't complain.
There we go.
Fantastic.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
It wasn't a very good day.
We're on Big Cat and I'm at?
Vacation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mexico.
Yeah.
Yeah, it might be nice.
Probably a nice resort.
None of us have the means.
Y'all can feel free to, you know, dive in some pizzas.
I got two pepperonis, two cheese, and one toppers classic.
What's the classic?
Brandon will probably throw down areas, piqued his interest.
Well, I just said it was a normal question.
If you got pepperoni and cheese, those are self-explanatory.
Oh, it's the supreme.
Okay. Basically. Yeah. I'm going to have that. Yeah, you are self-explanatory. Oh, it's a supreme. Okay.
Basically.
Yeah, I'm going to have that.
Yeah, you are?
I'm going to have not the whole thing.
Yeah, you will.
Come on, Brandon.
Take it.
One for each?
What were you feeding on before this, Brandon?
Feeding on?
Yeah.
I had a sandwich for lunch.
That's a nice change-up.
Yeah.
I was ready for a change-up. I had pancakes this morning.
Pancakes are-
Gluten-free pancakes.
Every time I have pancakes, I'm like, I should have pancakes way more often than I do.
You think so?
Oh, they're so good.
You think you should have pancakes more?
Yeah.
I don't have pancakes that much.
But every time I have pancakes or waffles...
It's the most important meal of the day and you're having cake.
That's not cake.
The pancakes are not cake.
And I like to vary my breakfast.
Do you have the same one every day?
A lot of people like to have the same breakfast. I do the same one every day a lot of people like to have the same i do i already have breakfast what do you have uh three
eggs uh sliced toast sometimes i'll have every day every day yeah sometimes i'll have a couple
eggs sometimes i have a couple bacons i'm not like it's not like if i don't have that i freak
out or anything that's that's just like if i'm you know if you want to go out for breakfast like
yeah let's go out for breakfast some days i'm busy and I don't have time for breakfast.
But, yeah, if I'm home and it's the normal-ass day,
I'm making the same breakfast every morning.
This morning I had hash browns and bacon.
Ooh.
Hash browns.
My wife has gotten to where she'll wake up and make me a bunch of hash browns.
Those good shredded kind.
Those good hash browns.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
Hash browns are fucking awesome.
I could never perfect them on my own, though.
I always have to ask which are hash browns and which are breakfast potatoes at restaurants.
Well, the potatoes are cubed.
Then what are...
There's another name for that.
Wait, the shredded?
See?
You're talking about home style?
Yeah, home fries.
Home fries and hash browns don't know the difference.
Home fries are cubed as well, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and hash browns are always shredded. They're always shredded. And every diner should serve hash. Yeah. Yeah. And hash browns are always shredded.
They're always shredded.
And every diner should serve hash browns.
Shredded hash browns.
Absolutely.
They're so fucking good.
If I go, like Jersey was bad where the diners would be like all like home fries or.
It's terrible.
And that's just not good.
They're too thick cut.
Everything perfect about the diner if they don't have hash browns.
Yeah, it's a bummer.
Yeah, big cut home fry is a terrible thing with like a hard center i think a thick cut potato in many ways is is bad like uh you know i don't
think steak fries are that good i don't think like uh yeah oh joe's can go should we tear no we've i
swear to god we've done this potatoes swear to god we've done this a lot i think we we've just done
it and we don't have to we're not going to tear potatoes,
but I'm always up for tearing potatoes, actually.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm willing to say my last meal –
Oh, taking them to the booth.
Oh, hell yeah.
My last meal on Earth would be a breakfast like eggs, bacon, hash browns,
French toast, iced coffee.
That's actually kind of brilliant.
Make it a breakfast buffet and just never stop going back to the buffet smart genius and you never die look at that look at us that's smart
somehow a pizza just got to my lap and i i feel right i feel i feel like this is your most natural
state this is valentine's day i just have a pizza just sitting sitting on the old cock there
that's where pizza's all to sit. Pizza cock.
All right.
Do you have seat warmers in your car?
I do.
Both cars.
When you bring home a pizza,
do you turn the seat warmer on?
Never do,
but never thought about it.
I don't think that warmer gets warm enough
to affect the pizza, does it?
It's all because you got a seat,
then you got a box,
then you got pie,
and plus I live,
well,
I live two minutes from Antioch Pizza,
which has eight locations.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Franchising opportunities are available.
It is delicious.
So I only live two minutes from that.
So I never really have to worry about it.
This pizza's good.
Appreciate it.
Y'all ever had toppers before?
Never have.
No.
So this is a location it just opened up
on the north side on february 3rd so okay cool we got a lot of different locations i actually
worked at the one at the university of cincinnati okay oh yeah i just came oh you were talking your
shit to me before the wvu cincinnati game i had to dm you afterwards i was i was in pittsburgh
and i got a dm it made me look bad bad. He hasn't hit a parlay in two years.
You?
No, I've been hitting, man.
You advertise yourself as such.
Parlay peasy.
You call yourself parlay peasy?
And you haven't hit in two years?
No, I've hit.
He hasn't hit.
He hasn't hit once.
I've tailed every one.
You just got me on a bad time.
I'm sorry.
I got you, though.
I got you.
I'm going to cook some shit up for you.
All right.
DraftKings.
I went on the Bulls tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah, shout out DraftKings.
We're on Bulls?
Huh?
We're on the Bulls tonight?
I mean, plus nine and a half.
We're on Detroit Mercy tonight.
They're 0-27.
This is going to be the time the time they're gonna get their win
this is the jeff this is jeff d lowe's move and i'm with him no one no one goes winless
between them and the pistons detroit has got some terrible basketball that's just bad yeah sad scene
bad sports in general until the lions popped up this year. Until the Lions popped up. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I guess the Red Wings have gotten better, I think.
The Red Wings had a dynasty.
It's always just cool to have a dynasty under your belt. They had Steve Yezerman, and they had – who else they have?
Dominic Hasek.
What's the worst city that has all four major pro sports?
I think it's been Detroit for a while.
Minnesota without question. Oh, Minnesota without question. When's their last title Detroit for a while. Minnesota without question.
When is their last title in anything?
Ever. The Twins.
Twins in 91?
Never. They didn't win.
That's a myth. Mandela effect.
Twins never won.
Twins won twice in 87-91.
No, they did, but they don't.
They did. The Twins won.
That was in the 90s.
Timberwolves had a thing where they never got past the first round of the playoffs ever. And then they did one year win the timber that was like in the 90s never have vikings timberwolves had a thing where like they never got past the first round of the playoffs ever and then they did one
year and it was i know they're they're good this year this year is really good they're really good
when they won a play-in game oh and he got up on the table yeah uh the vikings get kicked in the
dick every year and the wild even when they have good teams they like miss the field goal that they need you
know the play now i believe the links want a couple of wmbas thank you said four though
so that's thank you for shouting out the w
you're welcome
in general yeah i always said that barstow should have some um wnba content why don't you always
say that a lot of people around here have been saying that.
I call the NBA the MNBA.
And I call the WNBA the NBA.
Remember when we were talking about the school in Mississippi that was the W?
It was the Mississippi University for Women.
And they just went by.
Was that on the show?
It's still insane.
That was on the show.
They announced the new university name yesterday.
What is it?
I really should have had it before I said that.
Wrightsburg State or something?
Winesburg State? But they're keeping
the W. I think they just made up a
W name. They just made up a fake name?
They made up a fake W name.
It's either Winesburg or
Winsburg.
They made up their own burg.
I think they made up their own burg.
You can't just make up a burg.
Why didn't I be a burg?
What is a burg?
It's a city.
It's a hamlet, right?
It's a place.
I think it's just a suffix.
Is it a city suffix?
I think so.
Yeah, I don't think it's anything.
Also, ice.
I thought it was just a...
Iceburg.
What do they call it?
Oh, I love fucking brand announcement videos like that.
Winbridge.
Winbridge.
That's the school name? Winbridge. Winbridge. That's the school name?
Winbridge State University of Mississippi is now the name of choice, which is, yeah, so there you go.
I'll just say it.
Did security just escort him out?
I hope not.
His bag's... No, he just...
No, he just...
Okay, all right, all right.
Yeah, he's back.
Okay, he's good.
He's good.
He's good.
They said I got to get out of here. Okay, well... Shit, well, he just. No, he just. Okay, all right, all right. Yeah, he's back. Okay, he's good. He's good. He's good. They said I got to get out of here.
Okay, well.
Shit, well, thank you.
Thanks for coming.
Thank you for the pizza.
Thanks for the pie, dude.
Thanks for the pie.
Okay, we appreciate it.
I'm going to start tailing him.
I got you.
Parley Peasy.
Parley Peasy.
Parley Peasy.
He's easy.
You got it.
Bulls plus nine and a half.
Yes.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey.
Happy Valentine's Day to you.
Later, brother. Thank you for the pie. Good to see you. Happy Valentine's Day to you. Hey, bro. Later, brother.
Thank you for the pies.
Good to see you.
It's been real.
Shout out to Palmer.
Good luck with the move.
What move?
He just moved.
Oh.
From Cincinnati to Chicago.
Oh, good for him.
So what's a Berg?
That's a good one.
I don't know.
I think it's a village, a city.
I don't know what to say.
Whenever you're in duress, you always go to Breakfast Potato.
I do.
I think that might actually be true.
Always.
You know what?
I'll ask it.
What the fuck just happened?
Our friend who's been on the show before yeah i think he's a good guy who's a great guy brought us some pizza okay but i don't
know maybe he said maybe he lied to get in i don't know maybe but he brought us pizza pizzas
kind and kind yeah other people have came in in the past so yeah yeah and we we knew him. It wasn't like it was just some guy who came in with pizza and said,
I'm just going to crash the yak.
Right.
He's been here before.
It was a soft breach.
But he absolutely did crash the yak.
No, he did, but.
Cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was just waiting for like the, I brought you pizza and.
There was no and.
I appreciate that.
I brought you pizza.
Yeah, a lot. I'm going to now sit down. A gluttonous amount of pizza.. There was no and. I appreciate it. I brought you pizza. That was a lot.
I'm going to now sit down.
A gluttonous amount of pizza.
The W line was good.
That got me.
That was good.
Thanks for the W.
Yeah.
Enjoyed it.
Thanks for being here.
I don't know where to go.
See, I think a hash brown, like if you don't have hash browns and you're a diner that has
everything else right. Agreed. You're an F diner. You have to have hash browns and you're a diner that has everything else right,
you're an F diner.
You have to have hash browns.
Facts.
What diner doesn't have hash browns?
Jersey diners have a lot of home-style potatoes and a lot of home fries and all that.
But you have the materials.
You can make the browns.
But they don't have them.
They don't serve them.
They serve the others.
You can have – I don't want people to shit on him, by the way.
I'm fine with him.
Oh, yeah.
He's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
I've been in contact with him.
Yeah.
Told me he was moving.
He was nervous about his move.
Now he's excited, so I think things are going well.
Yeah.
Please be nice.
I liked him.
But well done home fries, clear hash browns.
No chance.
Whoa.
Home fries?
No chance.
Hell no.
Yeah, they do.
No.
Well done home fries, destroy hash browns. No, they don't. No, they Hell no. Yeah, they do. No. Well done home fries.
Destroy hash browns.
No, they don't.
You're being crazy.
I think a good plate of shredded hash browns is almost as good as a potato can be.
TJ, reach out to Mike and get Mook out of here.
Yeah, dude, don't you have a flight to catch, man?
I should start packing.
Okay.
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All right.
That one felt good, too.
You didn't compliment that ad read.
No, you're...
I'm just used to you being great at it now.
Thank you.
Thank you. I'll only say something if you mess up. I'm so used to the greatness. Dominating that ad read. I'm just used to you being great at it now. Thank you.
I'll only say something if you mess up.
I'm so used to the greatness.
Dominating these ad reads.
I can't wait to trash all of these companies later off mic.
That's a joke based on my... I'm not actually going to do that.
Oh, man.
And he's taking bread off my table again.
We've got to get you some bread. I'm so tired of this point.
You've got to give us some.
On your weight.
Hashbrowns.
I'm going to tell you something about hashbrowns.
Y'all like a bit of this potatoes?
Am I quivering there?
Yeah.
Quivering.
That's when you're under duress.
What about hashbrowns as a dinner side?
Agreed.
Agreed.
Why does it limit it to breakfast?
It shouldn't be.
It really shouldn't be.
Latkes.
You're saying things that you shouldn't say.
Latkes.
Better than hash browns.
Fuck you.
Hash browns are the best form of potato.
What a.
You guys got it all wrong.
Tater tots are also elite.
When done well.
Mm-hmm.
They can be done wrong
real easy.
Lunch...
It just reminds me
of high school lunchroom.
Mm-hmm.
Bad tots.
Mushy tots.
Mushy, mushy.
I don't think we had tots
in my lunchroom.
Yeah.
I don't think we had...
I don't think we had
potatoes yet.
No?
Potatoes were invented...
You're older than potatoes.
That's how old you are.
Still haven't recovered from the famine yet.
Yeah.
Dude, can I plug my special taping?
Yeah, please.
I am recording my first hour special on Friday night
at the Denton Theater in Chicago, Wicker Park.
I think there's
like 50 tickets left to each show. We'd love to
sell those out. Let's do that.
Pull up. Should be fun.
You applauded Chicago comedy fans as the best
in the country. I did say that. And I liked your
reasoning. Yeah.
It's the smartest city of people
that don't have their head up their own ass.
I think that's perfect. That's a really, really
huge compliment. Yeah. It's a great city, man. I love it here. My girls own ass. I think that's perfect. That's a really, really huge compliment.
Yeah.
It's a great city, man.
I love it here.
My girls are there.
I've noticed the same.
I love it here.
It's a very apt description, I think.
You like that?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's the best.
Best of both worlds.
They're psyched to be there, usually at the shows, and they're pretty sophisticated, and
I always enjoy performing here, so I'm-
You said it's at the Den Theater?
The Den Theater, yeah.
In Wicker Park.
Mm-hmm.
So-
This Friday night.
Wicker Park's a hip-ass part of town.
7.15 and 9.30 are the two tapings.
Hopefully it's going to be a great night, so I'm pretty pumped for it.
That's it.
Cool.
How do you feel about the hour?
Are you pumped to get it out?
Yeah, yeah.
I feel pretty good about it.
I mean, you always sort of – I'm micromanaging it in a way where I'm like,
I want to say every single thing perfect, and that just may not end up happening inevitably.
But I feel pretty good about it. I think it represents me
well. I think it's pretty funny.
Is this your first one?
The first time I've ever taped an hour, yeah.
I've done short things
here and there, but never a full one.
Hell yeah. I'm pumped for it.
Let's go. It's going to be awesome. Thanks, man.
Good luck. Pull up. Thank you.
Thank you. Good shit.
Are you into challenging yourself in other ways?
Yeah.
I can tell.
What do you mean?
Like what?
Like, I don't know.
Cold plunge.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
The boys.
We've talked about this.
I love a spa day.
Active relaxation is where it's at, dude.
Rip the cold plunge.
10 minutes.
10 minutes? Oh, really? Yeah. See the cold plunge. 10 minutes. 10 minutes?
Oh, really? See, I knew it.
That's freaky. After 90 seconds, you don't feel it anymore, and everybody looks at you.
People always say that, but I feel it for the entire
duration every time. Have you ever gone for that long?
I've only done up to like three.
And you feel it the whole time? You know what you should do?
You should wear little boots. What?
Why little? Oh, he should.
Why little? Oh my god. Why can't I wear average size boots? Oh, he should. Why little? Oh, my God.
How can I wear average size boots?
Oh, my God.
I would freak out if I saw that.
It actually works.
It works for that.
Do I have to wear tiny boots?
Wear tiny boots and little gloves.
Oh, my God.
Kyle in his tiny boots and little gloves.
Yeah, I'll try that.
It'll last longer.
Dude, infrared sauna too.
I do hit that. I that rip that uh because it's getting harder for me dude as i get in worse like it's getting harder to get in good shape i just like didn't have a
good enough baseline going into my late 30s and i fear that it may be over 30s how old are you 37
older than you think no kidding no yeah No, yeah, I looked you up.
Boston roster. Oh, nice. I thought he was younger.
Yeah, I'm old, dude. But no, so now the other
end of the spectrum is calling to me, whether it be the infrared light
spectrum. You went more of a relaxing route. I was talking about
trekking summits. Oh, yeah, I like hiking. I'm not really a sleep
on the mountain guy. You know I'd rather
not camp. So if there's a
limit there. But I do like outdoor shit.
I don't know. Do you?
No.
But I know. I'm interested.
I'm interested in this. Will you challenge
yourself with a spicy wing?
Yeah. I like spicy stuff.
I like eating different stuff i've
been getting worse and worse with that meaning you're getting less tolerance or you're trying
way less tolerant i've been yeah i've been getting less tolerant too yeah you that's shocking
it's hard to think you'd go lower dude also the national park system that's my other one
national park of registered units.
I'm trying to go to all of them.
There's a 424.
Oh, my God.
That's more than I thought.
I've been to like 160.
You've been to 160?
Yeah.
And every time I go on the road and there's something in driving distance, I'll try to go.
Do you buy like a spoon or something?
Or just a memory? No, I just take a selfie.
I don't like clutter.
I don't like accumulating.
Oh, you and I are opposite creatures.
I love a knick-knack. take a selfie. I don't like clutter. I don't like accumulating. Oh, you and I are opposite creatures. I love a knick-knack.
Yeah.
Rip a selfie.
Are most of them out west, or are there some out east, too?
Every state has one.
Yeah.
Did you say out east?
I just did it.
Because I was talking, and I said out west.
There ain't no way Delaware has one.
It's back east.
Delaware has one, yeah.
They do?
They say back east.
Delaware, it's the first. I forget what it's called. It's like the first state nationally commemorating the fact that it's the way Delaware has an national park. It's back east. Delaware has one, yeah. They do? Back east. Delaware, it's the first, I forget what it's called.
It's like the first state nationally commemorating the fact that it's the first state.
So the east has a lot of historical stuff.
Yeah.
But still, there's no way to conveniently arrange where these things are.
But the west has all the good stuff.
The west has all the good nature, for the most part.
But West Virginia has a newly registered one.
That's supposed to be gorgeous.
What did we get?
Like the New River one?
Something Gorge?
Yeah.
So it's just everything on the back of the state quarters.
So what's your favorite and what's the most underrated?
I think some underrated ones.
I think the Badlands is pretty underrated in South Dakota.
Yeah, bad naming.
It's sick.
It's small.
It's easy to – no, it's cool.
We've got to get people to come here.
What should we call it?
South Dakota's super underrated state, in my opinion.
That's some bad land.
Let's make this a park, I guess.
But I would say that every single one is interesting in its own way, and even if the site itself is, like, random or not.
You're not running for office here.
What's the?
Yeah, that was, I might, maybe.
Wait, but seriously, but, okay, like, the shittiest one?
No, the best one.
No, okay, the best one, I mean the best one i mean uh man fuck i don't
know i'd have to think about a little bit i mean some of the obvious ones i've been to yosemite
i have not but i've heard that's obviously a great one uh yeah badlands super cool all the
you also like going to the big five in utah is super sick yeah i've heard utah's just one of the rules yeah zion's incredible um moab one yeah
arches arches moab but mo arches is in moab okay i believe i might be wrong about that uh but dude
yeah so there's so many and just getting to some of these is crazy like a really cool one's poverty
point louisiana you know that poverty point well that's a national park
uh it's a national park and it's called poverty point has nothing to do with like any sort of
socioeconomics it's like uh an ancient civilization and there are these mounds and it's super creepy
so to me like a lot of the time it'll be experiential like something random that happens
like in theodore roosevelt national park there was just a giant buffalo directly next to my car
like that will obviously positively change the experience.
So I fuck with all that stuff
heavy. And just, like, getting there is cool
because Poverty Point, thousands of years
ago, you inevitably end up driving hours
on random roads that are not conveniently
off the highway. You ever fucked around
seeing a moose? Yeah, dude, in Alaska.
Ooh, that is creepy. Dude, I was hammered
in Denali in Alaska
and I was getting out of the car to take pictures,
and some old dudes were yelling at me,
like random passersby, and I was like, fuck you.
Just fucking ripping pictures of the moose.
Let's go back to Poverty Point.
What the fuck is that?
I've heard there's a lot of conspiracies around these places.
Yeah.
We don't know what it is.
It's just like an ancient civilization type thing.
It's a world heritage
site to unesco it's really cool dude and it's like three dollars and there's no one there and
it's gloomy and creepy yeah that's cool it's like some signs shit oh it's not at a point i would
have guessed it was elsewhere in the state i went for i was in vicksburg uh mississippi and that's
that was a beautiful place you like vicksburg? Mississippi is what I would prefer. I love Mississippi too, dude.
Dough's eat place.
Best steak joint.
Up in Greenville.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice rules.
Yeah.
Up on the Delta.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
I'm from East Mississippi.
I'm from West Point, which is east.
That's out east.
Yeah.
I don't know if I've ever been, but I like Mississippi a lot, man.
You ever been through Tupelo or any of that?
Yeah.
It's over there. Oh, cool. Awesome. No rules awesome comics are super well traveled domestically yeah and they also most of you seem to enjoy most of the places yeah i love it yeah yeah who did sam talent said
he loved mississippi oh yeah yeah pretty much the same thing same thing he just said i guess is it
because you get bored on the road and you're just like i'm gonna just somewhere different no no so
this is this is the way that I differentiate it.
Like a place like Mississippi, right, it's just so different.
Like there's a lot of really cool cultural stuff to experience.
Yeah.
Now, if I were there for a couple months, maybe I would crave some of my New York stuff, right?
Yeah.
So like Atlanta might be a better city to be in for two months, but it's less exciting to visit for a few days.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
I agree with that.
It's just a city.
Right. It's just like, no offense to Atlanta.anta land is solid but it's like a shittier
version of la yeah you know what i mean so it's like okay i can sort of get i can get sweet green
here but i'm i'm sort of bored you know i mean but like mississippi has all sorts of dope shit like
you'll see shit that you didn't do totally i was in natchez it was so cool like i drove up all the
houses yeah dude like all the houses and stuff?
Yeah, dude, like.
All the houses?
All these cities I'd never even heard of.
And antebellum houses that, like.
Oh, that type of shit.
Yeah.
I'll take Huntsville.
They look so different than you think they're going to look.
And what is an antebellum again?
Just built before the Civil War.
Okay.
It was like that period of prosperity, right?
Yeah.
I'll take Huntsville, Alabama over Houston, like, any day.
Huntsville's a solid place
I liked it a lot
where my mom graduated high school
oh did you send my mom anything?
yeah
I did
I got her flowers that look like a puppy
she loves dogs
I know
send her a text as soon as I woke up this morning
she has five dogs
Tommy can't even go there because he's so allergic to dogs we have to get a hotel when we visit her and I sent her a text as soon as I woke up this morning. She has five dogs.
Tommy can't even go there because he's so allergic to dogs.
We have to get a hotel when we visit her.
I went through that.
My grandmom used to have cats,
and I would just have asthma attacks at her house every time we went.
Does the number of dogs amplify the allergic reaction? I think so.
I think so because we had a dog at our house for a little bit.
Sam, he was hypoallergenic, but he still would react a little bit.
But when he gets there, he just, everything shuts down.
So if you got him around like 1,000 dogs, he would just die immediately?
Wow.
1,000 dogs equals one bullet.
I'm not going to try.
I'm not going to try.
But I wouldn't think about it.
Dog to bullet.
Mook, we had the paws brought in two dogs,
and you came up to the studio looking like you had just drowned.
Yeah, I played with them for five minutes.
Yeah, I was on top of shit.
Just broke out eyes everywhere, slow breath.
Dave's dog?
Dave's dog.
Oh, so did he get it?
Yep.
Okay, he was picking up a rescue.
I brought the puppy because she loved the puppy.
Yeah, I was afraid that you'd miss her.
Yes.
Well, I have her brother.
Oh.
I miss Peaches.
Miss Peaches?
Miss Peaches.
All right, so we got him a dog.
She was just like hanging out in the...
I need to...
Just keep wearing a blouse, Kyle.
I get it.
Bye-bye.
The dog's net worth has skyrocketed.
It has no idea.
The dog's about to go so viral.
It has no idea.
Yeah, the dog's life has changed.
The dog's already canceled in some corners of the internet.
The dog can't go to Madison Square Garden.
Little does she know, she'll never see the Knicks play at home.
Roger Goodell hates you.
There was one part of that video that I didn't love.
Was the dog's brother in the trunk, too?
Oh, yeah, that's tough.
Oh, shit.
Where's his brother?
Mr. Peaches. we brought this one too just
in case you know yeah that is sad congrats to dave yeah but imagine all the stoolies that just saw
they can go have dave's dog's brother oh oh wow yeah so shit that dog's not gonna be and that's
a fun fact like you tell somebody comes over just like, her sister, his sister is Dave Portnoy's dog.
That's a cool, fun fact.
Yeah.
That dog will be adopted by 2 o'clock.
Yeah.
Has to.
Oh, yeah.
That's fun.
Name-dropping your dog's...
Friends.
...offspring.
That rules.
What else we got, Brent?
Shit, I had a bobcat make my heart melt yesterday.
Those things are cuter than you'd think.
They are.
They're not that big, right?
Like one of the domesticated ones?
No, a wild one.
They're not that big.
Where did you get it?
How does it melt your heart?
Oh, that is adorable.
Where'd you see it?
On my phone.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, not in real life.
I was just wondering if you were out in the wild and saw it.
No.
No. You guys been seeing the worm were out in the wild and saw it. No.
You guys been seeing the worm laps?
Malasek has pink eye.
What?
What?
Look at Nicky Smoke's tweet.
We brought him in to mostly do that.
I was touching him.
The guy who doesn't wash his hands got pink eye? Oh, yeah.
How could that even happen?
He has pink eye. That's pink eye right holy shit how did we not notice that as someone who has
had pink eye somewhat recently it's more about like the goo around his eye not necessarily if
your eyes all right can we zoom for a goo check that could just be an eyelash a deep eyelash
i don't see any i mean i don't i mean you could have just been, like, poked in the eye.
Yeah, but I don't like that it's just one.
That's what makes it seem pink-eye-y, right?
Yeah, but that could be a poke, too.
You're not going to get poked in both eyes.
But did he get poked?
It's very Harvey.
Malasek would never admit to pink-eye.
He'd lie about the pink-eye.
Did he say I have pink-eye?
He's a real piece of shit.
He's getting pink-eye for pussy.
I did have a girl text me yesterday that his video melted her.
Oh, wow.
It's exactly what he wants.
I had a weird reply to just an innocuous tweet today,
and it was a girl saying, fuck you, Brandon.
The reason we don't like – Jake is awesome.
Leave him alone.
He's not.
And I'm like –
What is he doing?
I didn't do anything.
Yeah. I think I tweeted out,'m like, what is he doing? I didn't do anything. Yeah.
I think I tweeted out, I like wrestling or something like that.
And it was just this girl responding that I was,
that Jake Malasek's the best thing in the world and I'm a big piece of shit.
I hate that it's working.
It is.
It's working perfectly.
Malasek texted me it's not pink eye.
And all he does is lie.
It's pink eye.
It's pink eye.
What is it?
Yeah.
Come up with a different. Yeah, he needs to define what it is.
Tell us what it is and what happened.
Why is your eye?
I mean, obviously something's wrong.
Sleep with a contact in?
Yeah, I don't know if that would do it.
You know the old saying, Mark.
Availability.
Availability.
NASCAR, Barstool Sports tailgate in the midway at Daytona International Speedway
Saturday, February 17th.
The Barstool tailgate will feature Spider and Large from Urban is Racing,
KFC and Fights from KFC Radio, and Joey and Pat from Out and About. that's a that's funny yeah let's find one of those dinosaurs yes
he's gonna have to throw that over his shoulder to piss the spitter the spitter dinosaur yeah
the one that killed uh newman yes um put a pin in that i'd'd like to talk about Newman in a second.
Dwayne The Rock Johnson will be the Daytona 500 Grand Marshal pre-race concert
featuring Pitbull. The star
drivers right now include Chase Elliott,
Ryan Blaney, Denny Hamlin, Ross Chastain, and
Bubba Wallace. Make sure to watch NASCAR
Full Speed on Netflix so you can watch your favorite
drivers before they take on the Daytona
500. 500 miles,
200 laps on the two and a halfa-half-mile-long track.
The most iconic race in motorsports, the Daytona 500.
It starts at 2.30 Eastern this Sunday, February 18th on Fox.
Again, the Daytona 500, the most iconic race in motorsports, is finally here.
Tune in February 18th this Sunday, 2.30 p.m. on Fox.
Wayne, um, Newton was played by Wayne Knight.
Right.
And I was thinking last night.
Newman.
Newman.
You got cookie on the brain.
He's got cookie.
He's always got cookie.
You got cookie brain.
What did I say?
You called him Newton.
Newton.
Newton.
Newton.
Newton.
You got cookie brain.
You know what I actually did?
It was,
his name is Wayne Knight.
I actually went Wayne Newton.
Still cookie brain.
Okay. Wayne Knight played Newman. Wayne Knight, a famous went Wayne Newton. Still cookie brain. Okay.
Wayne Knight played Newman.
Wayne Knight, a famous actor from Cartersville, Georgia.
Anyway, I was thinking about him last night because Jurassic Park, he was the bad guy.
Toy Story 2, he's the bad guy.
And Space Jam, he is a key figure there.
Really, really strong three for somebody who wasn't that famous of an actor.
Don't know why it really came to my mind at 2 a.m. as I was falling asleep.
What was his role in Toy Story?
Toy Story 2, he was the bad guy that collected all the toys.
He was you.
I remember that, yeah.
He stole Woody from the yard sale.
It's a lot of people's first experience with ASMR or that scene.
Really?
Yeah.
He apparently cleans up doing like autographs
and conventions. I bet he does.
Like makes an absurd amount. I bet you Soup Nazi does as well.
Yes, correct. That was the
other example that the person who was telling me about this used.
Of course. Putty.
D-Lo, come sit down. All right.
D-Lo, come sit down.
Why were we laughing when I left?
The behind shot.
Great objects.
The behind shot's very funny.
Anywhere.
Anywhere you'd like.
Just have a seat.
You can bring us pizza
or break in here.
Hey.
I can make you PB&Js.
Here we go. She made myself here. Hey. I can make you PB&Js. Here we go.
I made myself one.
Oh.
All right.
Next time I'd like one.
All right.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
Want to do the yak gauntlet?
No.
I do want redemption.
Leave it to the movie buff to make a director's cut of the yak gauntlet.
That was impressive.
No, I'll get redemption when i'm back for something
that i can't talk about in like april i i still feel like shit so this would be it would be
probably just as bad no you'd get you'd redeem yeah no i'll be a little it'll be better next
time but that one lives in history so it is what it is yeah also i did appreciate people like we
gotta get you in the gym like we really don't no. No, it's a point where you just don't have to do that anymore, I think.
Yeah.
Like, I'm not in, like, grade school.
It's okay.
I'm not training out for varsity next year.
Yeah, we don't need that.
Did any of your schools have the rope to climb?
Oh, yeah.
That was never a real thing, was it?
No, I think some did.
Really?
Some did, really?
Oh, mine definitely.
I always thought it was a movie trope.
I went to a school that my –
You had a rope?
Yeah.
Yeah, my elementary school – You had a rope, but for a different thing.
Of course.
Mine did.
My high school in Connecticut opened in like 1700, so it was very old.
I think every kid that could climb into my school is now doing heroin.
Makes sense.
I think that's probably just every kid in your school.
Yeah, that's true.
KB, can you currently do that?
I would hate to admit it, but absolutely.
Quickly. That's like a wrestler. No, you couldn't. I'm not sure a wrestler... KB, can you currently do that? I would hate to admit it, but absolutely.
That's like a wrestler.
No, you couldn't.
I'm not sure.
Yes, I could. I don't think you have like the.
You could do that.
I think the rope would be going to.
No, I could.
I used to do it with the utmost breeze.
When have you ever climbed the rope?
A lot of wrestling clubs had one.
Oh, really?
You guys have one here?
I wish.
We probably will next time you come in.
Yeah.
You said it. That'll be up there. I'm just surprised you didn't. Oh, really? You guys have one here? I wish. We probably will next time you come in. You said it?
That'll be up there. I'm just surprised you didn't.
You didn't?
I don't remember. We had the pegs, too.
I think we might have.
I think we might have.
The wrestling gyms? A lot of
gyms did.
We didn't have pegs, either.
I'm familiar with it. I've tried it before.
Not good. Did not go well.
Did you guys have the day where you had to do, like, the presidential test?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That was, like, the scariest day.
Sitting reach always did me in.
We didn't have that.
And you had to run the pacer.
You had 100 on the pacer.
I never did the pacer.
Oh, I did.
But if you ran 100 on the pacer, you didn't have to do it anymore.
You got a t-shirt.
Oh.
You should put that on the wheel somehow.
Pacer?
Just the presidential physical
fitness yeah no it's very funny to take a third graders test and too bad too really bad the pull
ups were like jarring oh yeah just like a line of kids some kids would hammer it out maybe a couple
girls would get a couple and then i just like and the state the standard for pull-ups was always
fucking ridiculous it was like to pass the test on a mile you had to run like 10 minutes but to
do pull-ups was like 12 or something yeah yeah it's like what the fuck like it should really be
like two yeah yeah that's can you can you do a pull-up i went over not like yeah it's i remember
it being so infuriating high school football games always had like a marine with a push-up bar
or pull-up bar.
You had to do enough, and then he would try to enlist you.
Yeah.
We had that in the lunchroom in high school.
Every couple months, there would be just a marine with a pull-up bar.
And the dudes couldn't help themselves.
Nobody wants to enlist anymore.
God.
Pussies.
Sad.
What happened?
Now we have Julio going to the Taliban.
Yeah, being buddy-buddy.
I mean, hey.
You fucking love those dudes.
Waxing poetic about the Taliban.
Do you have any of their numbers that they've sent?
Their numbers?
Actually, one dude gave us his number.
There it is.
Okay.
No, the dude who-
Kyle, prank call him.
Dude, the dude who shook me down,
the scariest moment that I had,
the dude who shook me down gave us his number,
being like, if you need us, we're here, type shit.
We obviously weren't going to take him up on that.
But there's a video of me somewhere
where they found all my money
and were counting it with me on the camera
that I would love to get my hands on
they filmed it they're making fun of you with their boys no no they filmed it so that i couldn't
tell like a higher up taliban that they shook me down because you're not supposed to shake people
down so then once he filmed himself counting all the money and giving it back to me when he turned
the camera off he's like but how about a donation oh oh is that what shakedown means yeah sorry sorry that was unclear like bryan yeah yeah and you're not supposed to do that the other dudes
were all like embarrassed and shit that he was oh i'm doing that immediately right no i think
they could have taken all the money obviously but then he just asked for a little it was really
weird it's nice of him it was weird okay so we got it on camera that he let you go scotch free
correct then he was like and that video exists somewhere got it on camera that he let you go scotch-free. Correct. And then he was like. And that video exists somewhere.
Oh, we got to get that.
We got to get it.
Let's just.
Get them.
Yeah, we're going to have to revisit that one.
Yeah, I got to call.
I got to sniff Kizzy on this one a little bit.
Scotch-free?
Scotch.
Scotch-free.
Scotch-free.
Okay.
Yeah.
Scotch-free.
Are you going to fight for it or are you just messed up?
I honestly don't know. Scotch-free? That you going to fight for it, or are you just messed up? I honestly don't know.
Scotch-free?
That's not it?
No.
It's just scotch.
It probably was scotch-free, though.
Like in Prohibition?
Like you didn't have scotch, did you?
When they let you go?
Yeah, you got scotch-free.
Oh, literally?
Oh, no.
There's no scotch-free.
You weren't wrong.
He was scotch-free.
Scotch-free.
But there probably were no Scottish people there, either. Did you see fat people there? No, and they were roasting me about that. Oh, so it was. We're wrong. He was Scotch-free. Scotch-free. But there probably were no Scottish people there either.
Did you see fat people there?
No, and they were roasting me about that.
Oh, so it was Scot.
The guy's like, the food's all fresh here.
He's like, it's not like America.
There's no fat people.
Foreign countries, they love to say that to you.
Yeah, they were roasting me about that.
You guys are all fat-sos.
That was pretty funny.
But yeah, there's no booze really anywhere.
And apparently, if you were to ask someone for it they would think you're like insane yeah no that's just muslims right
yeah it's not i think it's 90 98.6 percent muslim it's the highest concentration of a
population that's muslim in the world but opium here you go how much so apparently they've shut
down the opium and now they're they're doing they're making meth
oh oh so they stepped up because no it's harder to see from satellites i was reading this article
because you can see an opium farm or whatever but you can't see what's happening inside of a
building you can't see a trailer with fucking right so they've made opium illegal they're
cleaning it up but apparently the loophole is now they're making watches breaking bad once that's taliban is going to be like on the sci-fi channel like sharknado you'd actually be surprised
that's what that's what it is they're like on the border of like syria and iraq they're that's
they're just making so much like it's like billions crazy you'd be surprised how easy it is
to see meth i i got i got a call from the Clay County Sheriff's Department about three years ago,
and they said, Brandon, listen, I know you've moved away,
but you've got to come down here and talk to your daddy.
We can see it from the road.
They could see his meth from the road?
Yeah, he was doing it.
That's tacky.
That's a big-ass rock.
And our house was like 500 feet off the – and they said,
he's not really hiding it very well.
And how old were you when you would get these calls?
I was in New York.
Have you ever had to leave the act to talk about your dad's meth?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Our collective apologies.
Let's put together a super cut.
Let's put together a compilation.
Yeah, yeah.
We would always shit on you when you left.
I had to leave.
It was about daddy.
I had to leave the to one time to make a
a court appearance on zoom oh we were probably shitting on you dude every time you get up to
take a call this is why you can't sleep on flights dude no it was either it was either my my dog
dying or my my dad breaking laws every time you talked about your dad doing meth i thought it was
like when you were not even born.
No, no, no, no.
He didn't get into meth until his 60s.
Oh, he picked up meth later.
Damn.
Yeah, he was just...
That makes the most sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaking of watches, Breaking Bad once.
That's the prototype.
Oh, Breaking Bad is soft as shit.
I actually did watch that show one time
and I couldn't get into it and never gave it a second chance.
I know I made a mistake.
I know it's good, but I just couldn't do it.
I didn't get past the top.
You could go back and watch it.
Nope, it's gone.
Nope, I do.
Oh, fuck.
It's powerful.
Have you guys been to Albuquerque?
No. It fucking rules. St. Oh, fuck. It's powerful. Have you guys been to Albuquerque? No.
It fucking rules.
Like, other than that.
Yeah, yeah.
People say New Mexico is super underrated.
Big time.
For, like, geographic purposes, yeah.
Big time.
That chili, man.
It's, like, the perfect environment to grow it.
It is delicious.
You got green chili soup?
There's a vehicle on the train tracks.
Yeah, it's just one of those train maintenance things, i don't know it's cool yeah it's like chili with beans
or no beans no it's some different shit like i i didn't even know like texas chili it's like no
beans right it's like it's like catch chili shout to cycler farms i worked on a chili stand for a
weekend one time out there it was awesome you worked at a chili stand for the weekend did you need money to get back awesome. You worked at a chili stand for the weekend? Did you need money to get back?
No, a friend of mine.
A chili stand?
By the way, this is-
Were you next to a marathon?
No, I went to work, and it was really, really hard work.
These chili bags are like body bags, and you roast them on the side of a road in a roaster.
And some dude was like, why are you here?
I was like, oh, for the experience.
He's like, that's the most white person shit I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah.
Working for fun.
Yeah, Connecticut boy.
Gotta try this.
Dude, it was so, it was crazy.
But the most delicious thing ever.
And people out there bring their own chili with them to dinner in a bag.
Oh my God.
Like cut up, it's like the big peppers.
It's not, no beef anywhere.
And it is, it's delicious.
You're talking about a straight pepper?
Yes.
A chili pepper?
Big ass roasted chili pepper.
And they eat it plain? You cut them up. You put a little, and you? Yes. A chili pepper. Big ass roasted chili pepper. They eat it plain?
You cut them up.
You put a little, and you peel them, cut them up.
I think put a little garlic in it, and they just bring it with them everywhere they go.
Wow.
And the spice is really unique.
You get this like radiating warmth.
They call it the chili burn.
Feels like you're wearing a nice turtleneck.
Dude, it is delicious.
All right.
Absolutely delicious. Oh, hell yeah yeah spectacular like
unlike anything i've ever eaten delicious so anyway i fuck with albuquerque at 6 a.m there's
a woman crossing the street wearing like a juicy couture jumpsuit a pink one and then she turned
around she had shit her pants yeah this was a sentence after you saying you love New Mexico
You love Albuquerque
This was on my way to work at the Chili Stand, dude
It was an incredible juxtaposition of color
The bright pink
The chili shit
It was unbelievable
All between the word juicy
Between the you and the I
Juicy
Are you going to be here tomorrow?
Yeah
You are going to be here tomorrow
So we don't have to force the Yak Challenge today
We can do it tomorrow.
Whatever you feel.
Whatever you guys want to do.
Yeah, whenever.
It's your call.
Malicek is probably going to be out with Pink Eye.
What's that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, go ahead and get Malicek in position.
We can do it today.
What do I have to do?
Cornhole, soccer, wiffle ball, football.
Make two three-pointers and come do Sporkle.
You've got to get 10 answers on sparkle brandon
will guide you i have to do all of this yeah okay yeah let's do it it's a challenge record is a
minute 26 it'll take the longest is seven three minutes to get it set up nope okay does that go
toward my my time total and does knowing the map help me in any way the road map yes yeah oh knowing
what order what order to go in will help oh boy i don't guess anyway
so wiffle ball like someone is pitching to me and i have no you have to throw it up and hit it hit
a home run we have somebody else do it real quick uh malice come here we gotta investigate don't
well if you have a pink eye you have a pink eye that's someone who's you have a pink eye but you
don't have a pink eye i've had pink eye before, and this is not pink eye. What is it, then?
It's just I just have a red eye sometimes.
How is that possible?
I just have a red eye.
Open it up.
Open it up.
Always open it up.
Look at the camera.
Always this eye.
Oh, but there's a reason for it.
What is the reason?
It's not that bad anymore.
It's not that bad.
It's better.
It happens to my eyes every once in a while.
Just the right one.
That is true.
You got pink eye for pussy.
You're doing it to get attention from women.
The eye is fine.
It's the dog.
It's not the dog either.
Dog paw back.
They can't.
My right eye gets red every once in a while.
Did your dog scratch you when you tried to fuck it?
Yes or no?
Oh, Brandon, you're ruined.
He's got warriors now.
Oh, my God.
He does.
Do you know that?
Yeah, kind of.
You got shooters?
You got killers on Twitter just going after people?
What are they called?
Malasexuals? Malasexuals? Oh, God, Tim. Fuck youasexuals i don't know i kind of like that there's a ring to it yeah i guess it works
and then he leaves oh man just george costanza all right i'm done quite on top
he's getting quite an ego cornhole is first here yeah he is yeah you go you make one bag
and then you go you have score and that was and then you go, you have to score.
And that was our soccer goalie.
You have to score a goal on him.
On K?
No, no, the guy that was just here.
I would kick to his right side.
Just a little tip.
So Cornhole, score a goal.
You go to the right ball that's in the middle there.
I'll guide you the whole way while we're doing it.
And then you pick up that football and hit one of those bottles down.
See those bottles on that table over there?
Yeah, it's okay.
I see that.
And then you'll run, hit a three.
Once you hit a three on this end, you run, hit a three on that end,
and then you come sit in this chair and you answer the questions.
Okay.
Let's fucking go.
This is a lot of fun.
All right, y'all want to handle announcing duties while I go?
Absolutely. We will handle handle announcing duties while I go? Absolutely.
We will handle the announcing duties.
Atlas?
Atlas?
I think he's going to be pretty decent.
Let's do a closest.
Closest?
2-22.
I'll go.
I'll mark that down.
I can remember that.
I'll go 3.40.
3.18.
Okay.
We're guessing his times.
303.
I should have went with that.
Yeah.
It was right there for the taking.
He just didn't do it.
Good luck, gentlemen.
Fuck, marry, kill. Rosie O'Donnell Derek Rose
Josh Rosen
Mary Todd Lincoln
wait who's
she replacing
no no no Mary Todd Lincoln
you marry one
you're Lincoln with one
you're Lincoln up with one
and then
you're Todd with one you you're linking up with one and then um you're you're todd the other
one and by linking up we mean you are you're you're so crazy about them that you you resemble
the insanity of mary todd lincoln and then mary is just like what ab Lincoln did to Mary Todd. To Mary Todd Lincoln. Yeah. And Todd is Todd.
I mean, Todd is.
Yeah.
Todd's pretty.
Derek Rose with healthy knees, I'm Todd-ing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I don't know about now.
I don't know.
I think I'm Lincoln Derek.
You don't want to link with Rosen.
He'd be a boring link.
Mary Josh Rosen, very rich family.
Really?
Yeah.
But I didn't care about football.
That was the rumor.
Oh, did he just quit?
He just didn't care.
He's still there.
He just didn't care.
I think I'm Todd and Rosie.
I'm going to Todd Rosie.
I'm going to Todd Rosie.
She's Todd.
Yeah, she's Todd.
Yeah, we're ready whenever.
TJ, you ready?
Moot guesses time.
Ready.
Julio?
Yeah. Yeah.
Not me.
Four fifteen.
Eww.
Alright.
Three, two, one.
And nightmare.
Disaster.
Nightmare, nightmare.
Oh, complete and utter.
Oh.
Come on, Julio.
Total collapse.
Damn. There. Soccer complete and utter. Come on, Julia.
Total collapse.
There. Soccer!
Luke, if you're closest, you get a favor from me.
Ooh! Laser.
And a little off.
You can kick from anywhere now.
Oh, did I not explain that to him?
Yep, yep.
Pepper him.
Oh, go.
There we go.
Firecracker.
Baseball.
An absolute piss missile from Julio.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
He's got that tennis show. Oh, my God. Everything is intense. Holy shit. Oh god. He's got that tennis show.
Oh my god.
Everything is intense.
Holy shit.
Go high.
This might be an issue.
Oh!
Three pointer.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna drag you back over here.
Oh, yeah, he's fine.
Air ball, but that's a decent looking shot he's just
got a three pointers always further than I think agreed this pizza smells
phenomenal oh yeah I can't there we go there we learned down. Oh, no, no. Oh, confidence. Wheeler down.
Oh!
Basketball insta.
There.
Wet.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
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Here.
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Here.
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Here.
Here.
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Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. characters with the most dialogue. Mr. Burns.
Captain Planet Rings.
Don't know.
Matt Damon movies.
Talented Mr. Ripley.
Martian.
Dogma.
These are highest grossing.
Highest grossing. Oh.
Sorry.
Yeah, that'll be on there.
Virtual players. Wow. Oh. Sorry. Yeah, that'll be on there. Virtual players.
Wow.
Video game consoles.
Oh, Sega Genesis.
Nintendo Switch.
PlayStation.
PlayStation 2.
PlayStation 3.
Xbox.
Okay.
Banana Boat Pick. Fuck. Okay, what about Apu? Okay. Banana vote pick.
Fuck.
Okay, what about Apu?
Fuck yeah.
PlayStation 3 is one.
Four more.
Apu.
Wiggum.
Chief Wiggum.
Chief Wiggum.
Ralph.
Nelson. Oh. Chief Wiggum, Ralph, Nelson, Smithers.
Damn.
These are hard.
I would have thought Smithers.
Did you say the consoles?
I thought, yeah, Sega Genesis, Nintendo, racing. Nintendo, Super Nintendo.
Daytona 500.
There you go.
The Brickyard, is that one?
That's the name.
Yeah.
One more. One more.
God, it's just so difficult.
Artist open for Taylor Swift?
I don't know.
Maybe more consoles?
Okay, let's do more consoles? Xbox 360.
Xbox One.
Super Nintendo.
Sega Dreamcast.
Seahawks defense players.
Highest grossing Matt Damon movies.
Google Hunting.
There we go.
Did I get it on the note?
Time.
What did he get? on the no time boom what do you get you won 15 damn
yeah trivia gotcha trivia gotcha you were in here on a good time who has the record big cat minute
30 what minute 38 minutes 26 26 yeah yeah where's he at?
Yeah.
You're right below Will Compton.
And right above him.
Right above Roan.
Yeah, redeemable.
Brandon, what happened on that run?
I don't remember.
I don't remember having a run that bad.
Yeah, was that a first one?
I don't know.
I don't remember having to run that bad i
thought all mine were up in the threes or the twos long
we're an athletic bunch you beat cam newton by over a minute i think that's got to feel good
was it your dainty hands run that you were slow?
They're asking if your dainty hands run was slow.
That pizza smells good, doesn't it?
Yeah, I'm going to eat the whole thing.
He was right.
The key to the trivia appears to be just crushing a single category.
Yep, trying to knock out one single category.
That was a harder one, I feel like.
Nobody knows Captain Planet?
I don't know Captain Planet.
That's shocking to me.
Earth, power, wind, water?
Yeah, like wind, water, scotch, fire, heart, earth.
I was short-circuiting.
You know Captain Planet, Che?
Oh, yeah.
I was thinking of Captain America.
I thought that was ubiquitous, but...
Gonna take pollution down to zero.
I had a Wayne Newton moment there. You had a Wayne Newton.
He cookie-brained. I cookie-brained.
Fig boy.
Yeah.
Jeff, don't you think Wayne Knight
has had a bigger career than you realize?
No. Thank you.
No, just...
It's his.
He's had his career.
What is Newman?
Yeah.
The bad guy in Jurassic Park.
He was the bad guy in Toy Story 2.
Never been a lead.
Toy Story 2 is fair.
That one I forget about.
He was in Space Jam.
Toy Story 2 is the weakest Toy Story.
It's still pretty good, though, isn't it?
It is. I've never seen four.
Four is really good.
I've only seen the first three
I didn't know there was four
what's considered the best one
one or three
three brought me to tears
I think the original is still pretty great
two is pretty damn good
it's crazy how bad the animation is in one
I saw Shrek 2 yesterday
or the end of Shrek 2
Shrek 2 is better than Shrek
no Shrek 2 is really fucking good you don't think it's better than Shrek 2 yesterday. Shrek 2? Or the end of Shrek 2. Shrek 2 is better than Shrek. No.
No.
Shrek 2 is really fucking good.
No.
You don't think it's better than Shrek?
Hey, listen, we were just chopping it up, and now what is this?
I just thought Shrek 2 was just as good, if not better, than Shrek.
Shrek 2 is very good.
Drops off of Shrek the third.
Yeah, then it's.
But then it goes to Shrek forever after.
Never saw that.
Which one is Justin Timberlake?
The Puss in Boots sequel is amazing.
That's what I heard.
I heard it's so good.
Yeah.
Brandon, what do you think?
What a waste of a good movie, though.
There's only a few a year, and they wasted a good movie on Puss in Boots.
It was pretty good.
That sucks.
I like both those things, though.
Good pair of tiny boots.
Kyle in those little boots. Kyle walking like this.
Descending into the frozen water.
Oh, it would be so cute.
I have them.
I have little boots and little mitts.
I would think the scalp would be the most important to cover,
but I guess the feet?
No, no, but I don't fully submerge for 10 minutes.
I would drowning.
So when you're in the water, the feet are what's most important?
The feet and the hands are the things that sometimes don't warm up if it's too cold of a cold plunge.
Okay.
So if you wear little, like...
Why do you keep saying little?
They're little for me, too, dude.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to trigger you.
They're generally little.
Boots and mitts.
Would you have little boots for, say, Brandon or I?
That's something that some people just can't fit into little.
I couldn't fit into little.
What makes them...
Or a size 14.
They're little, figuratively speaking, because they're cute little boots, you know?
Are you getting the cold plug?
Are they?
I've done it.
Yeah, I do what everyone does.
Someone apparently has hooked up this office with a dozen cold tubs.
What?
In hopes that there's an ad deal or something.
Yes.
You can take a guess as to who would have a hookup for cold tubs.
A dozen seems like a lot.
Yeah.
Where are we putting those?
I don't know.
Your apartment.
The person was involved with the stream the other night.
Jerry.
No, that wouldn't make sense, I guess.
Let's put 10 of them in Mook's apartment.
You should have a cold plunge.
I should.
While he's away on holiday.
While Mook's on holiday.
Julia, where are you staying?
You can crash at my place if you want.
Oh, that's very nice, man.
I'm staying at someone else.
You're very kind, though, dude.
Just in case you get on.
Julia, maybe invite Mook to your place.
Yeah, Mook, you want to come stay with me?
I would love to.
My girl doesn't get here until tomorrow, dude.
Come on over.
I'm down.
Snuggle.
Hell, yeah.
We can cold plunge and shit.
Let's plunge.
Let's plunge. Let's plunge.
Shay, what were you saying?
What do you think Wayne Knight's net worth is?
Ooh, great question.
15.
8.
I was going to say 30.
The way you asked it makes me think higher, so I'll go 40.
Way higher, yeah.
I'll go 45.
What did he ask?
I'm saying that number's going to be capped because he's getting paid in cash to do autograph
signings and shit that we don't even know about off the books.
I say double whatever this number is about to be.
He's also getting Seinfeld checks till the day he dies.
I'd say 7 mil.
I'm going back, 25.
That's going to say 4.5, but in reality it's 10.
What is it?
There are conflicting reports.
It's between 8 and 14 it looks like, so a lot of people dead on.
Yeah, 10 sub 10 sounded about right.
That's a pretty, I would have thought higher.
No.
You know, solid role in Seinfeld.
That's a lot of money.
How many lines do you think he had in Seinfeld?
How many episodes did he appear in?
I mean, he was like a feature guy in several episodes.
Do you think he has, how many seasons was Seinfeld?
It's 180 episodes.
Do you think he has an hour of screen time in the series?
Easily.
Yeah, easily.
Several hours.
Several hours?
There's a couple.
He's very much.
How long was that episode of Seinfeld?
He's a top-tier side character.
I don't know if several hours, though.
He's a top-tier side character.
I am doing a rewatch.
Are we destroying a dozen bonus rounds right now?
Outside of the top four, Jeff, who's next on the list?
It's him, right?
It's him, probably.
I'm doing a rewatch right now.
Parents?
Second season, he's not even, like, I really haven't seen much Newman.
He gets bigger later.
Yeah.
He gets bigger as it gets along.
No, forgive my ignorance.
I was just trying to throw out a hypothetical.
Well, don't ever do that again when it comes to Wayne Knight, you fucking idiot.
Like, Jesus.
How does Seinfeld end again?
Prison.
Prison.
You go to prison.
Good Samaritan law.
Yeah.
And all old characters from the past come in.
I don't hate the ending when I rewatched it.
I rewatched it.
Yeah, I don't either.
I think it's a...
How else are you supposed to end that show?
Yeah.
It's the classic thing.
No one will ever be satisfied with how a TV show ends.
Though Veep ended pretty fucking well.
Thrones didn't end well.
Horribly.
I didn't hate the ending.
Horribly.
I didn't hate it
but it could have been
so much better.
You want to know
why I think I didn't hate it?
I binge watched the entire thing
People that binged it liked it.
People that waited are pissed.
Yeah.
Nothing will ever beat
as far as the worst goes.
Alright kids
that's how I met your mother.
Now I'm going to go
fuck your aunt Robbie.
Yeah.
That was bad. That was I never watched that show but the Anger Open that Now I'm going to go fuck your Aunt Robin. That was bad.
I never watched that show but the Anger Open
was pretty funny to watch.
The voice was Bob Saget, right?
Has your voice changed that much?
They should have just had that guy, Joshua Radnor.
Joshua Radden, I think.
Is it Raden or Radden?
Radnor.
No, that's what you're saying about Luke Ridenour.
R-A-D-N-O-R.
Luke Ridenour. Let's stake my entire Josh Radnor reputation on itidenour. R-A-D-N-O-R. Luke Ridenour.
No, it's...
I stake my entire Josh Radner reputation on it, that it's R-A-D-N-O-R.
And if I'm wrong...
I think it's O-R.
If I'm wrong, I will give up my Josh Radner expertise.
I think there's no O-R.
I stake my entire fucking reputation.
I think it's just Radden.
What are you going to talk about at work?
Radner is a guy, though.
Could be Radden.
Gilda is a Radner, but that's a girl.
All right.
My entire Josh Radner reputation.
Well, let's see who started and how I met your mother.
Never come to me for Josh Radner news
if I'm wrong. Boom, bitch!
Also, shout out Luke Ridenour.
Go, Docs. Take a stab.
How many episodes did Wayne Knight appear? I'm the fucking Radner expert.
In Seinfeld? Yeah, how many episodes?
There are 180, correct, around that? 180 Seinfeld episodes.
62. I'm going to say he...
Can we phone a friend? 102. What? 29? No, 62. I'm going to say he- Can we phone a friend?
102.
What?
No, no, no.
I was going to say, I'll go 40.
102.
That would make him damn near a main character.
No guess?
I don't care.
One, how many episodes is he in?
What are we- You're a rose right now.
Fucking 120.
83.
44.
Close again. What was that noise? How many was that? 44. 44. Close again.
What was that noise?
How many was it?
44.
I was way off.
He had to get his little ass boots on.
But I do think that probably means he's in several hours.
Yeah, it does.
That's probably wrong.
Because of the episodes he's in, that means he's on there.
You really think so?
Several hours?
Yeah, because I think several is more than like, several is at least like, how many would
you say several is?
Three hours?
Four?
Well, we know he's probably in several. He's a few.
Yeah.
If we average a minute per episode,
that's 44, and there were some he was in
definitely more than one. In the recycling episode where they
go, one of the two-part episodes,
two different episodes, he's in it for 15 minutes each.
They go to Detroit?
Somewhere in Michigan. Yeah.
TJ, you want to spin our wheel?
Julia, are you coming back tomorrow?
Yes.
Love it.
Oh.
Jeff, you're not coming back tomorrow, are you?
I will be here.
Good.
Oh, come in.
Are you doing any spots tonight?
No.
What about you, Jeff?
Not playing at TRU.
Any spots tonight?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, well, good.
Come to Zany's Old Town tonight if you have no value.
Oh, you're doing a spot tonight. I'm opening for MOOC. Yeah, but if you maybe need, if you want to warm up. Yeah Come to Zany's Old Town tonight If you have no Valentine's
I'm opening for MOOC
Yeah
But if you maybe need
If you want to warm up
Oh shit
Talk to
Okay
It's your show?
No
Okay
But it's my buddy
It's like a showcase show?
It's a headliner
Chris Bader
So me and Chris Bader
Will be there tonight
For Valentine's
But
Give him a ring
Appreciate it
Hell yeah
Alright spin it.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-oh.
All right, well, main wheel.
Oh, shit.
Uh-oh.
This is a problem.
So I think this will be...
If this lands on me, I forget what mine was.
Yeah, everybody does.
I know mine's accident wheel or accent for the next.
Oh, yeah.
That would be fun.
We all get a different accent?
Maybe three of us get accents?
I think mine is cry.
Mine's go to sleep.
Someone has to cry.
Mine's in the show.
Mine is FaceTime your aunt.
Oh.
That sucks.
That's so bad.
That is so bad. That is so bad.
That's payback.
I can't.
I know.
We've made you do that, but.
I'd have to text my parents from one of my aunts.
I don't think my aunts are capable of FaceTiming.
Just like literally.
Yeah.
Don't even know how I would go about that.
I hope.
I don't even know how I would go about that. I hope. I don't think they have.
All right.
Kyle.
What is this?
Any idea?
I don't think I, I think I forgot to come up with one.
Come up with one by tomorrow.
You want to come up with one by tomorrow?
Yeah.
I'll bring one tomorrow. Okay. You're bringing one. I'll bring one. Yeah. with one by tomorrow. You want to come up with one by tomorrow? Yeah, I'll bring one tomorrow.
Okay.
You're bringing one.
I'll bring one, yeah.
KB's Wild?
That's pretty much
what it's going to be.
Yeah.
Okay, so we'll do
whatever you come up with
for tomorrow's show.
Got it.
All right, you had a game
for tomorrow?
I was thinking Friday.
Okay.
I think your game was
Let's Get Fucked Up.
You're going to be getting
fucked up while you play
fuck yeah if you guys are down
I'm in cool
alright we'll be back tomorrow
happy valentine's day
later It's the act. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
I hope everybody confesses their love for their crush tonight.
Love you guys. Bye.