The Yak - H-A-M Burger Draft: Cooking It Up In The Studio | The Yak 5-13-22
Episode Date: May 13, 2022Octopussy - Subscribe here and on YOUTUBEYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/...barstoolyak
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Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Oh!
I should save my voice.
Draft day.
Draft day.
Draft day.
It's draft day.
We haven't had a draft day in fucking forever, boys.
Forever.
Draft day.
It's the last draft.
Tommy Walker day.
Wow.
How far back? That was in October.
Nah, it wasn't October.
It was October.
Oh. Tommy Walker day was October. Nah, it wasn't October. It was October. Oh.
Tommy Walker Day was October.
That wasn't the last draft.
Well, we also had the California draft.
Was that the last?
Okay.
Right?
We're going to LA.
Yes, that's true.
Yeah.
We had the food draft since October.
Wow.
Golly.
There's a lot of Yak listeners that are probably this is their first Yak.
I mean, first draft.
First, yeah.
Yeah, like they don't know what we're about to do.
This is like seeing Christmas through a child's eyes.
Here's a little
insider knowledge
for anyone who this is their first draft
and they're like, what are these guys going to do?
We don't know what we're going to do
either. We have no idea
how we're going to do this draft. No plan whatsoever.
Zero plan. We have a show
where we plan.
We plan the draft for a show.
We can have that right now.
I have nothing. I cleared my whole schedule.
I told my family, you may not see me
until Monday. I got to draft hamburgers.
So, yeah, let's
fucking...
Should we spin the wheel right at the top just in case
we have to get wet? Because I would like this show
to be wet. I would like this show to be wet as well.
And I have an item you need to put a new sliver on the wheel.
KB's Wild.
Oh, fuck.
It's not about me.
It's about one of you guys.
What?
If it lands on that, someone's going to have to KB's Wild.
Okay.
I'm down for KB's Wild, but where are these two fucks?
They ran to get ingredients.
Okay.
Excused.
Why are they excused?
Oh, wait.
I went...
No, no, no.
You're right.
I got mine yesterday.
I thought you meant, like, those ingredients.
No.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Not excused.
H-A-N-M.
They're fucks.
Yeah.
They have to spin extra.
They have to have an extra spin.
They have to have an extra spin.
They get the KB's Wild. They get the KBs wild.
They get first KBs wild.
They go head-to-head on the KBs wild wheel.
Let's just give them KBs.
I don't want to give.
I want someone to earn KBs.
Okay.
All right.
Here they are.
What's the KB if it's not Kyle Bauer?
You guys have an extra spin for being late.
Fuck that.
I mean.
No, not fuck that.
What do you mean fuck that?
It's draft day, bro.
This is a big show. It's draft day. I get here on time. Fuck that. It's draft day, bro. This is a big show.
It's draft day.
It's after I get here on time.
Act like it.
Draft day.
How did you get here?
Prepared and planned.
I saw Roan at like 10 o'clock.
Where the fuck was he?
We were here at 10 o'clock.
We had to go out to get our food after our interview.
Roan's entire franchise is in disarray and he's here.
The Sixers are...
My friends are fucking overrunning my house. The Sixers are in disarray and he's here. The Sixers are, my friends are fucking overrunning my house.
The Sixers are in disarray.
It's fucking... Whatever, I'll do
your bitch ass extra spin. I don't give a fuck.
I was telling Roan this morning, Roan and I
live in the same neighborhood. I went and played basketball this morning
and I was driving back to my apartment
and I was driving past Roan's apartment
and I saw a dude come out of
his building with an
Eagles shirt and a Phillies hat
looking like he got hit by a truck.
I was like, that's gotta be one of Rohn's friends.
It was a Mike.
It was a Mike, yeah.
Where was it? It was in Brooklyn.
You're in for a fucking treat.
You're in for a fucking treat at Mirage, bro.
Oh, fuck, did you go?
I went last night. That's why he got hit by a truck, because we were at Disclosure.
Fuck, I can't wait.
Was it actually good?
It was sick.
He was fucking playing up there.
He was like, what is it?
Is it a DJ?
Yeah, DJ.
You got busted slinging Altoids?
I was, uh, or I had a-
You had the throwback tangerines?
I had Altoids, and I was, I was giving them out like they were Molly.
Insecurity descended on me.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it was fun.
It was a nice little night,
but that's not what we're here for.
That's just a circumstance that I overcame
to be here today.
So that's some milk boy shit.
Yeah, I was on my milk at home.
I was on full milk mode.
They went to Columbia and filled their entire bar with Coca-Cola.
Yeah.
Nelk boy shit.
Yeah, some goofy shit.
Probably the best thumbnail of all time.
Yeah.
They're good at thumb.
Collaborate with them.
I heard they, I don't know if all of them, but some of them.
I met Steve Will Do It at Dan Bilzerian's house.
Danny?
That's a good sentence. I'll never be able to say that. Unreal sentence. Danny boy Dan Bilzerian's house. Danny?
That's a good sentence.
I'll never be able to say that.
Unreal sentence.
Danny boy?
Yeah.
That's American.
That's American dream I just said right now.
What percentage of Americans would understand that full sentence?
I think a lot.
Steve Wilde. Oh, I don't know.
Dan Bilzerian's house.
More people would understand that than like I met Joe Biden.
Oh, yeah, for sure. That's Steve Wilde. More people would understand that than like I met Joe Biden. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Steve Wilden.
Dan Bilzerian was basically the president of the United States for a while.
Yeah.
Just with the hold he had on everybody.
Truly.
Is he done?
Has he fallen off?
Oh, no.
He's just getting warmed up.
Oh, he's just cooking.
2024 is going to be Dan's time.
I feel like I haven't seen as much out of him as like 2018.
I just wrote a book.
Yeah, we interviewed him and we never released it because he said that we tried to frame
him for being a misogynist.
Before it came out?
He's not a misogynist.
He's always hanging out with like 30 naked women.
Yeah.
And we're like, what do you mean?
Like when we said like, hey, are you ever going to get married?
And he's like, marriage is a scam.
Women just try to steal your money.
I was like, we didn't say like that was a very easy question to answer
nobody made you sound like it maybe also what the fuck is that shirt bro it's the k.o.p apple
store shirt what aren't you getting ro? I like the mic blocking the P, though.
That's why you can't have centered logos on this show.
King of Prussia?
What the fuck?
Where'd you get that?
In Kansas at a thrift store.
What?
$65 in Kansas.
That's like $400 everywhere else.
I think it's...
I don't know.
Singapore?
How many DMs did you get about that, though?
Three.
That's more than I thought.
Yeah.
You're probably going to get some more.
I'll probably get one more today, maybe two.
What is, is that, that's a lyric from a Phish song.
King of Prussia?
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure that's from the song Wilson.
They probably talked about Prussia, but not the mall.
I'm wondering if that shirt is, is that a Phish shirt, you think? No. Isn't that a town somewhere, talked about Prussia, but not the mall. I'm wondering if that shirt is
a fish shirt, you think? No.
Isn't that a town somewhere? King of Prussia?
Yeah, it's a town in PA.
There's a mall, the King of Prussia Mall, a famous mall.
It's a doozy, isn't it? Very big mall.
It's like Philly's main mall.
That and Cherry Hill. It's Pennsylvania.
Cherry Hill is not Philly. It's New Jersey.
Also, they can't have two main malls.
Yeah, so it would be King of Prussia is their main mall.
You're right.
Good distinction.
Mall situation is depressing as fuck.
Let's unpack that.
Let's unpack this.
So when was the last time you guys went to a mall?
I love malls.
Malls are great.
I went to a big mall in Long Island, and it's thriving.
Really?
Roosevelt Field?
Yeah, I went to there, and everything's going good.
Big ones, like the huge ones still do well, but the small ones.
The mom and pop malls?
The mom and pop local mall.
The one in the Meadowlands is insane.
They're out of money.
Yeah, it's one of the biggest failures.
They're broke.
And Jerry kept on saying that he knows the guy who built it and was like, do you see this place?
They got $45 left in their bank account.
It's crazy.
They're hemorrhaging.
It's like the whole mall.
Had to get rid of their WWE store.
What?
That got a lot of business, too.
That's going around.
People were getting over.
We went to the Mall of America in Minneapolis.
Yeah, that one's nuts.
Rollercoaster.
Oh, the rollercoaster.
It's the same owners as the American Dream.
Really?
They're expanding the human's perception of a modern mall.
Well, the problem is Mall of America was built at a time when it was like, this is almost
eighth wonder of the world.
Malls were everything.
Malls were everything, and they had the world malls were everything malls were everything and
they had the best mall for phones right and now american dream yeah i know that's what i'm saying
like the the novelty of it i feel like it's going to survive forever because everyone's like oh mall
of america like it is literally the mall of america yeah it got like grandfathered in right
american dream is like you're trying to do a mall of america now when we could just get amazon prime
to our door.
They just built a big-ass Ferris wheel out there, too.
Yeah.
I just want to lose this phone.
What?
It's backstage.
Who was it?
Show yourself.
Extra spin.
I'm unmuted.
Extra spin on the wheel for Che.
Trouble in paradise.
Jesus Christ, they're falling apart in there.
Should we spin?
Well, I was going to say that I was at a
local mall very recently
and it was delightful.
Got one of the best
massages I've ever
gotten in a chair
massage.
That should end the
mall conversation.
Yeah.
All right, we'll wrap
it up there.
Should we spin?
What did you do,
five minutes?
20.
I was very nervous
actually because of
the end of it.
You almost came?
No. To a very productive massage?
He was like a 50-something-year-old man that did it.
And he came?
You could say Asian.
You're allowed to say whatever you want.
So he was like, put your hands behind your back.
And the massage had ended.
And he was like, put your hands behind my back, sit up.
And I did.
And he, surprise, cracked my neck out of nowhere.
Oh, that's scary.
And it felt great for a second.
But then it was so scary that I was like, yeah, let's not do that again.
And I spent the rest of the day worried that I spent $25 on a mall massage
and may have permanently injured my neck.
But it ended up being fine.
Wait, no consent?
He just grabbed your head and cracked your neck?
It was like the hardest.
You didn't say he was going to do that?
No, you did not.
I feel like, though, you did consent because you got a massage.
Yes.
But when you can't trust a $25 mall massage.
Was it not a chair massage?
Why is there a man to begin with?
It was a chair massage.
What is the guy doing?
Oh, no, no, no.
It's your face down. So it's like the is the guy doing you're oh no no it's you're face
down it's like the massages we have here right correct right but again you did consent correct
but it was over he was like all right thank you like he's like oh one more thing like sit up
straight you do it you do it that's weird um i think he tried to kill you you do a massage
you're a bad client yeah put his dick in your ear and you couldn't say anything either way
one more chinese street massage guy in new york lu, Lu Xiao, he just exhales on people to massage them.
Oh, that's awesome.
And he got canceled for exhaling on a woman's pussy in Central Park.
What?
He was like a whole genre of that.
Yeah, but he was doing massages virtually, exhaling on his computer monitor over COVID,
and I was watching every single one of his live streams.
There's like a video of this dude that does massages without touching people, and the
girls are like screaming having orgasms.
Did you watch it?
Like screaming orgasms.
Who is this?
I saw this because Cody Coe did a video reacting to it, and it's like insane.
Like they are howling.
Have you ever done this?
No, like they're literally crying.
No, have you ever gotten it done to you?
I've been looking for this guy to get exhaled on.
But no, I'd love a touchless massage.
Orgasm too?
Yeah.
Massage a Nick stick.
Like the girls say that it was like life changing.
Really?
Hey, hey, yo.
My boy's massaging this.
You're going to massage a Nick stick? That's good. That boy's misogynistic. You got a misogynistic?
That's good.
That's just a hand job.
Yeah.
There's a bigger mall in Edmonton.
It's actually bigger than the mall in America.
Yes.
Really?
I heard that.
That's like the biggest.
I didn't know that.
You can do malls.
We're back in here.
You can do malls in cold cities because wintertime.
Going to Mall of America is a big deal.
There are outdoor malls, though.
The one at Land becomes an outlet very fast.
Sawgrass in Florida, that's a pretty big notable mall.
That's a golf course.
Baltimore has a big one.
DMV has a big one.
Sawgrass Mills.
Is that?
That's probably right.
I believe.
Might have made that up.
I think there's a lot of things around South Jacksonville called sawgrass.
Maybe it's like an area.
Could be.
Is there a lot of sawgrass?
I would think so.
Are those 95s?
Yes.
These are 95s. Thank you for noticing.
Actually, not 95s.
They're 97s. He had the stock X tag on them. I didn't know then. Yeah are 95s. Thank you for noticing. Actually, not 95s. They're 97s.
He had the stock X tag on them.
I didn't know then.
Yeah.
They're 97s.
That's a good question.
Why'd you ask me that question then?
I just wanted to play with you a little bit.
Can I critique your outfit real quick?
Outfit master sass.
Show them my outfit.
Can I critique your outfit?
Please.
Your top and your shoes match.
Then you went with Texas Tech.
If you had done a Mississippi State shorts, your outfit would have been banging.
I got this during the Doug's phenomenon.
I took this out of one of your bags.
What?
These are the best shorts I've ever owned in my life.
Wow.
I will never not wear them.
Wow.
Yeah, you will.
Often.
I'm going to pan through.
All right, so let's spin the wheel Then we'll figure out
The rules of this draft
Spin the wheel
Creed
Oh yeah we have a creed
We have cheese for the draft
That would be a cheeseburger draft
Friend
I'm saying
I thought we had
Side cheese
Are we doing any side cheese
If somebody brought cheese
There is cheese
I'm saying
See it
I thought we were gonna do
Some other game of chance
So some people had cheese
Haves and haves nots
I was wrong
They're 90s Oh so you're Yeah I was wrong. They're 90s.
Oh, so your little stupid-ass joke was fucking wrong.
So spin the wheel first time?
I'm decade for malls.
Let's hop back into that.
Circle back on this.
Just do a mall draft.
You would put on your best outfit to go to the mall.
It was an activity.
Or get shot at the mall.
By DaBaby.
KB, what if you got super rich and famous and started a charitable thing where you give
toys to underprivileged kids and called it KB Toys because that business is now defunct?
Did you ever think about that?
Kyle, you ever think about that?
KB's toys. it's a sex dungeon
change the world for the better
what the fuck
yo what the fuck
Dan who's your fucking friend
who the fuck is this
he's gonna leave soon
your boys weird me out mom paid me to let him hang out with. Who the fuck is this guy? He's going to leave soon. Your boys weird me out.
Yo, dude, yo.
His mom paid me to let him hang out with us.
Who the fuck is that?
Just don't worry about it.
She gives me $200 a month.
Who the fuck is that?
He keeps asking Ebony where his hug's at.
Here's my hug.
I do see Che come in every morning And be like
Ebony where my hug at
Homegirl where my hug at
With my hug
Oh fuck
God bless us
Any other malls?
No but when we were at the Mall of America
Dude who the fuck is this? other malls? No, but when we were at the Mall of America.
Dude, who the fuck is this?
Imagine if we just trolled our whole audience.
Who is this? We did the draft, just did malls the whole time.
Right, just one hour and got out.
All right, let's do it.
Let's spin the wheel.
So we're going to spin the wheel for the whole group.
Then you guys get an extra punishment spin.
It doesn't come off.
KB's Wild is on there.
All right, we're good.
It won't come off the wheel, TJ.
Should theirs go first?
Oh, yeah, you're right.
All right.
Can we get KB7 drinks off?
Yeah, sure. I think I need to not do that.
That's fine. Oh, dear.
Why would
KB7 drinks get off? That was the punishment.
We did it. Sorry, Don. Yeah, I did it.
I thought it was supposed to stay. I don't want to do that.
I think we should.
Well, then we'll just skip this.
KB's wild and KB's seven drinks.
It's not the KB loop.
It's not the KB loop. Yeah, I don't want to do that.
Maybe just one of them.
Yeah, can we just take wet off?
We've already done it.
We can do the prank.
It's a spin for Owen and Sass.
Owen and Sass prank.
Oh, that bitch.
Did you guys watch How I Met Your Mother?
Nah, I didn't.
No?
No?
This does not count for the whole wheel.
Oh, no.
Oh, wait a minute.
No.
One of them has to get one.
Oh, no.
In How I Met Your Mother,
they find out...
What were you saying?
Yeah, what were you saying?
On season six or seven of How I Met Your Mother,
they find out Robin Scherbatsky was a child pop star,
and her first hit was Let's Go to the Mall.
Oh.
In How I Met Your Mother.
That's crazy.
Are we both getting wet?
No.
Oh, no.
It's a little later.
We need to see who gets wet out of the two.
Oh, I thought they both would get wet.
Oh, no.
It's a wheel for both of them.
Earl's always an extra spin.
Remember, we're always, whenever we hit the wet wheel, we haven't hit it in so long.
What if we wrestled for it?
One person doesn't get wet.
How is it dryest in the office?
We all understand it.
I don't understand it quite, Sass.
Why, do you want to get wet or don't want to get wet?
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, wow.
Bad boy Sass has showed up.
So then why don't you just...
Oh, it's like, what am I going to do?
They're zooming in on me.
Like, what do you want me to do?
Start crying?
Yes.
I don't want to get wet.
What are your thoughts on getting wet?
I love this new Sass.
No, I'm just pissed off.
I don't want to fucking do this.
Well, you still think it's funny, though, right?
Ron, what time did you get in?
He was here before the show started.
He was here before 1?
Yes.
Not a chance.
He was.
Ron was in here before I was.
He got outside to get his shit after I did.
The three of us, Brandon, Ron, and I were all sitting in here at like 12.59.
Nick as well.
It's not possible.
I saw Ron outside at 12.59.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
We can go to the beginning of the show.
Why does he say these things so confidently?
Yeah, so confidently.
We actually have video.
I was with you, man.
We were late.
Why are you picking me up?
Yeah, I was here.
Yes, there's no way that you could.
On a normal day, I don't care.
It's draft day.
It matters.
I had to go get my shit.
Right, but we all had to go get it, too.
He's talking about you, though.
I had the interview of a lifetime.
I went last night.
Imagine if you had missed
another five minutes
and you just weren't here
for the mall talk.
I prompted the mall talk.
No, but we wouldn't
have had it.
Oh, yeah.
Whatever.
Can we spin the wheel?
We should do a live show
from a mall.
Oh, I love that.
Yes, yes, yes.
That's like what all
the famous TikTokers do.
All of their meet and greets
are at malls.
That app you say
you don't have on your phone and don't consume?
It's all Tiffany I launched.
No, I don't consume it.
I don't have it on my phone.
We should get a show where we go to every mall in America and we call the show The Mall.
The Mall.
The Mall.
The Mall.
The Mall.
The Mall.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I like that.
What else?
Just really pull up all the malls.
Yeah.
Can you pull up a heat map of every mall?
A-L-L space T-H-E space.
Got this.
So you guys want to do best of seven?
Sure.
Here goes Frank for his big debut.
Yeah, Frank is locked in today.
A little snippy, to be honest.
Yeah, a little bit.
He's a torture director.
Or star,
whatever his role is. He's a star of the movie, I think.
Oh, yeah. Michelangelo handed me a piece of paper that said
and soon to be executive
producer, Big Cat. And I was like, what?
I was like, I don't even know what's
going on right now. Maybe you? He was like, what? I was like, I don't even know what's going on right now. Maybe you.
He was like, well, we're hoping.
He's got some feelers out there.
Smart by him, yeah.
Okay, so best of luck.
Yeah, and then we'll do the draft.
Tess, do you not want to get wet?
Ron, you're like, I don't even look in my direction.
What answer do you want out of that?
Oh, I do want to get wet.
I want to get soaked.
All right, first one to get four doesn't have to get wet.
First one to get four doesn't have to get wet.
It'll be mad at us.
What aren't you getting about this?
It's comedy.
Sass is up 1-0.
It's an Eliminator wheel, so he doesn't want this.
Oh, I do.
He wants the first one to get four.
Okay.
It doesn't get wet.
Sass, what if we let you do your Norm Rockwell impression?
Or Sam Rockwell?
2-0.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, yeah, that is true.
A wheel like that.
Yeah.
Dan Owen. 2-0. I wheel like that. Damn, Owen.
2-0.
I see you wet.
That's a good idea.
2-1.
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
Hell yeah.
I'm bad.
I want to have a boulder.
I would feel bad for Owen, but laugh a lot more for Sass.
But Sass is like...
He's a stronger name.
I've got an edge to him right now that I'm a little worried about.
I like it.
I want to fight everyone.
I like it a lot.
Shoot the place up.
That's how KB wrestled yesterday, and he got excited.
Sass, you know he's dead.
Sass, why don't you wait?
Hold on, TJ.
One sec.
Has the wheel changed sizes at all, or am I just tripping out? Two, two. Sass, why... I think it's just been the TJ. One sec. Has the wheel changed sizes at all or am I just tripping out?
Two, two.
Sass, why don't we do something for you?
Why don't you plug your dates?
Okay, yeah.
Cool.
I appreciate that.
Arlington, June 3rd and June 4th.
Brooklyn, June 18th.
The link is in my Instagram bio and in my Twitter bio.
Okay, great.
Bell House.
Great.
350 tickets.
All right, back to the wheel.
Left.
There's not.
There isn't.
Barely.
A little less than that.
Two all?
Two all.
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
Owen is one away from winning.
His ass is going to. Yep, that's Oh, boy. Owen is one away from winning. Is he?
As is going to.
That's 3-2.
Oh, so we aren't changing the size of it.
No.
So I was.
Okay.
I was tripping out there.
Oh, man.
Oh, Jesus.
Wait, wait, wait.
I volunteer to get wet as tribute for Sass.
Volunteer denied.
No, Sass has the choice.
No, I do.
I guess you're right.
Hold on.
Sass, I volunteer to go get wet for you as tribute.
I don't want you to do that.
Why not?
Let him.
I don't like Rome right now. He just owes you Let him. I don't like Roan right now.
He just owes you a favor.
He's going to get wet for you.
I don't want Roan being like,
everyone's like, wow, of course Roan fucking did that for Sass.
He's such a pussy.
So if anyone else is willing to...
I want to see Sass be full angry.
He's very recently also been vocally against having to get wet.
Very aggro.
There's one thing he didn't want to do today.
It's funny.
Yeah, it's like, you're going to walk back here,
and you're going to be really wet.
I don't understand how you don't think that's funny.
Why do we still have these hanging around the office?
Let's not use the hats.
We don't use the hats.
More, more.
That's trash, yeah.
Oh, actually, that probably will go for a lot on the secondary market now that we're canceled.
Yes, dude.
We just have unlocked a next level of sass.
This is awesome.
Three sass is awesome.
This is so massive.
I hope the bathroom's recently shat in, too.
We all want it.
Should we all say he's not wet enough?
Really piss him off.
Sass.
We're going to do that?
Unless he's trying to push him.
I don't want to keep going to the edge.
The edge might be a scary place.
I know.
Sas, man, you said you were going to get wet.
Mitt.
He's so mad right now.
So mad.
Yeah.
He's mad that you weren't.
You got here in time.
I was like, Ron, weren't you here on time?
Yeah, we started the show.
I can't remember if you were here on time or not.
We started the show late, but I... You were here.
I didn't even realize
Roan came in after
so it was me,
you, and Nick.
We just gaslit him.
You guys were talking...
Like, the show started
with him.
No, because I came in,
I put my shit down,
and then I peed.
Right.
I saw you...
You're present
and accounted for.
God damn,
this is so good.
And this show's
going to last for another
two hours. You think he's leaning up against the wall
before he gets wet, thinking about it?
I hope he's not. I think he's looking in the mirror.
Stick up for yourself. Getting slightly
wet is even worse. Yeah, that's true.
You can't just half do it
because it feels worse.
Who are these? Young Gravy?
Who are these guys?
What's up, boys?
Oh, those are the guys that do's up, boys? Yo. Yo.
Oh, those are the guys that do the set for the dozen tournament.
Ah.
Those are setmen.
Setmen.
That's a good word.
Setmen.
He might have left.
He might be walking with us now.
He might be going through the ducts right now. Crushed himself.
Yeah, he probably is.
No, he falls through the ceiling.
He doesn't want it to be even.
Go in there.
It's like Shawshank.
There's just a hole behind the window or the mirror.
We're actually turning him into the Joker.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
How are we going to do this draft, boys?
Frank's going to say like a snide.
Same way we've done it in the past.
Okay.
We all reveal the ingredients.
Reveal our ingredients and then we start.
He comes.
So what are we going to do?
Yeah, he's pretty wet.
What are we doing?
I think he's gotten wet enough.
I mean, he can't wear this.
Just don't say anything.
Are you going to go get wet?
You spun around?
You really are using.
Are you going to go get wet?
Getting wet.
I'm soaking wet.
You're barely.
What do you think, Rome?
He's wet.
Look at his ass
Well he's got a big back
So he's got a strong back
Let us know when you go get wet
I'll tweet it out
You can't dry
He's not
He's not good
Alright so are you gonna
This is gonna actually be
Your Joker origin story
3, 2, 1
You're gonna go get wet
I wanna put an end to this
This bullying of sex
Yeah let's have some
Alright alright
You brought it up when he left
Close the door
Thank you
What the fuck
Let's go to the premiere
Alright
What What'd you say What'd he say What the fuck? Let's go to the premiere. All right.
What?
What?
What'd you say?
What?
What'd you say?
What'd you talk about?
What'd you say?
Crusty ass nose on Brandon.
Who said that?
Oh, no, Ebony.
Hey, what?
You just canceled one of my shows.
Fall back.
Yeah, I'm going to delete my tweet about wrestling, too.
I've said nothing to you.
Sorry.
You just took my hoodie.
Oh, I'm using your hoodie as a towel.
That's a good promo.
It's the only time he'd be...
I flipped it around.
The label's facing the other side.
Flip it upside down.
Yeah.
All right.
Interesting draft day energy.
Yeah, it is. Let's lock in with a creed. Let's do it. I right. Interesting draft day energy. Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
Let's lock in with a creed.
Let's do it.
I got Nick a present, too.
It's my last chair.
Oh, shit.
Brandon is.
Everybody's so.
Thank you, dude.
Everyone's mad.
Yeah, everyone is.
Oh, shit.
Everyone's mad.
The mad ass Jack.
And the best part is, everyone's mad.
No, I'm not.
No, I'm not mad.
Roan is severely hungover.
He's got like a goofy...
Yeah, I'm on goof mode.
I got the giggles when you're hungover and you're without your buddies.
You're on the goof mode.
I'm on goof mode for sure.
Brandon is aggro.
Oh, fuck.
What'd you get?
Oh, he got a fish.
What does it say? That's awesome. Oh, fuck yeah. What'd you get? Oh, he got a fish. What does it say?
That's awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah.
What does it say?
Let any fish who meets my gaze learn the true meaning of fear, for I am the harbinger of
death, the bane of creatures.
Read the whole thing.
Read the whole thing.
Is that Moby Dick?
What the heck's he doing?
It's a fisherman's creed.
I'm a quiesce.
My rod is true and unwavering.
Yep.
Yep. Yeah, TJ, thanks, man.
This is the best.
What a day.
What a gift.
Hard to wear.
That's awesome.
That's so good.
Honestly, if I line up my head perfectly at the camera,
you can't tell it's that big.
Where did you get that?
That angle is Australia.
Turn a little bit to the left.
Australia?
That's so good, TJ.
This angle is crazy.
Whoa, that is sick.
What a gift.
Honestly, it's like like not Pull it off
Yeah
It looks alright
Brandon are you okay?
See what it looks like back there
We went from sass
No it's just
I don't know why she
Sent a message
That my nose was crusty
My nose
Rusty
You're doing good
Sass looks like
Sass looks like a teenager
Who's about to fucking
Steal your lunch money
You're the bully
You're a biff
No Sid Oh it's just like It's not even funny And now I'm just Going to be uncomfortable The entire time This looks like a teenager who's about to fucking steal your lunch money. You're the bully. You're a biff.
It's just like it's not even funny, and now I'm just going to be uncomfortable the entire time.
He's not too wrong.
He's not too wrong.
No one's at home right now.
You want to change?
Change. Change your sweatshirt.
I'm wet.
I think people do like this.
That's the worst part about it.
I'm not going to change it.
They love this.
Change your sweatshirt.
No.
My sweatshirt's not even the bad part.
It's my socks and my pants.
You're just upping
the entertainment factor.
I'm sorry, dude.
Should we cancel this draft?
Yeah, we should.
All right, give me the screen.
I need a creed.
No, I like an angry draft.
Yeah, no, this is good.
We should all get angry.
Could get crazy.
Nick's got to give away his hat so he'll get angry.
All right.
KB should still be angry for getting his ass whipped.
I still am.
I'm fighting people in Instagram comments.
I'm looking up their stats from junior college.
That wasn't an L that you took.
It was.
It was not.
He's 100 pounds more than you.
I mean, it was, but there was a reason.
He plays in the NFL.
My boy Mike DePalma DM'd me.
He doesn't use social media.
I roommate Mike.
DePalma logged on.
He logged on just to say how he was disappointed.
Oh, God.
Oh, fuck.
Everyone's disappointed.
I'm, yeah.
A lot of people were saying that I didn't have, yeah.
I got a little cocky.
They also didn't watch the whole video.
You went toe-to-toe with him for like three minutes.
Also, you were defensive the whole time.
No, it was a bad—
You said you wanted to be defensive.
I wanted to give my leg up.
I did not know going in that he was a high school wrestler.
Would you have given your leg up?
I would have.
I didn't want to shoot because that would have just—
I would have been fucked for three hours.
Yeah.
Trying to fight a shot.
Yeah.
Trying to wrangle him.
Yeah.
Needed more space. Would have preferred a mat. Shit. Trying to wrangle him. Needed more space.
Would have preferred a mat.
Shit.
Did that hurt?
Like Rhea.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
Yeah, let's do the drop.
No, that was the highlight of my month that I got to do that.
It's coming back Monday.
You should wrestle him on a mat.
I wish I could do that every day.
Monday to Wednesday.
It did fuck me up, though.
My hip is fucked.
Tiring.
Oh, man, that was good.
Did it hurt when he threw you down?
It didn't at the moment, but now my hip's in pain.
He got the worst of it visually, though.
Yeah, I don't know why I was so confident with an NFL player.
I loved it.
I was barely an NFL player.
That's why I was so confident.
You're just hanging on.
I think barely an NFL player is still pretty tough.
Barely.
All right, you think they go to the malls
when they go to the new cities for each game?
I think they have to. Do they? I think they try and check to the malls When they go to The new cities For each game Do they
I think they try and
Check out the malls
And the younger players
Or the old
I don't know
We need to have mall talk
Just be
The topic
That can only
Be brought up
After an awkward silence
From here on forward
Yeah
Everyone bring your
What's your favorite mall
Maybe a hot topic
Oh god
I like the mall of America
I think it's very cool.
That was good.
Content chase on fire.
That was good.
Ready?
Yeah.
Where is the creed?
On the top of the prep sheet.
Here we go.
Three, two, one.
Friday, May 13th, 2022.
The creed of the ham man. From the top,. The Creed of the Handman.
From the top, The Creed of the Handman.
Do we have a call number?
We have a call number?
Yeah, but I don't think it works.
Can we give that out?
We don't take calls on this show.
We can.
We have too many people to take calls.
Yeah.
The Creed of the Handman.
Friday, May 13th,
2022.
The Creed of the Ham.
Oh, shit. Come on.
What are we doing? Are we doing the numbers?
No, we're not doing the numbers.
The Creed of the Ham Man.
Ready?
Friday, May 13th,
2022.
646
291.
2437.
To the ham man.
To the ham man I decree.
To craft my burger.
Of ingredients three.
I wish my picks blend well.
And my co-workers aren't mean.
That the ingredients have harmony.
And the beef is lean.
We pray the YouTube numbers are huge,
and the subscribers flock,
and for us to have a good time,
no clowns that will stalk.
I will try to love the burger,
even if the bite will be my last.
I will laugh and smile,
even if I have an unfairly canceled podcast, we owe this to the ham man, ourselves and the fans.
And maybe one day, Sass's mom will dump out her cans.
That was one of your best creeds.
That was a good creed.
That was one of your best creeds.
I got that online.
You plagiarized that? Yeah, I plagiarized the whole thing. Fuck. What a good Creed. That was one of your best Creeds. I got that online. You plagiarized that?
Yeah, I plagiarized the whole thing.
Fuck.
What a Creed.
And, Seth, if we told you you could have gotten wet or...
Should we reveal our ingredients?
Let's reveal the ingredients.
Everybody plop out an H.
Should I call...
White Sox Dave just said,
hey, can you shoot me a quick call when you get a shot?
No.
Or anything, just two minutes. Should I call him? Yeah,age just said, hey, can you shoot me a quick call when you get a shot? No. Or anything just two minutes.
Should I call him?
Yeah, we need to call him.
Just call him.
You think it's going to be not okay to air?
I don't think so.
Yeah, call him.
I want a serious.
I do want you to call.
Quick call, only two minutes.
That should be fine.
Should we call him from here or your phone?
Yours.
Nice to hear his voice.
I'm going to ask.
I'll just say, should I call you while I'm live?
Okay.
All right, reveal our H's.
All right, so we're all going to reveal our H's, and then we have H-A-M.
Yes.
And we have to decide the draft order.
Yeah.
And then are we doing any swap?
I think what we should do, because we always get stuck with the swaps.
Right.
It's where we get stuck, right?
Sure.
I think what we should do is, this is my proposition.
Once we all draft our HAMs, Stephen, do you have yours?
Are you competing or no?
No, we do cut up a ton of social drinks.
So it's just us.
I brought an extra set of ingredients.
Me too.
Why does the booth have to do draft together?
I have an extra HAM.
I have an extra set of ingredients as well.
Okay, TJ brought ingredients.
Okay.
We all do the draft.
We figure out the order, everything.
And then I think we spin the wheel, let's say three times.
If your name comes up, you get to do an automatic swap with someone.
Okay.
Fair?
Three swaps.
Three swaps.
And your name doesn't get eliminated after you swap,
so you can get two swaps yourself.
I like that.
Okay.
Because swaps are confusing.
You're right.
Swaps always trip us up.
Messy.
Yeah, muddy the waters a little bit.
What's the problem?
This doesn't work.
Now you're looking at me like I just made it more streamlined.
Even though it seems simple, it probably will confuse us when we get there.
Yeah, of course.
Duh.
All right. Steven. Are you doing Duh. Are we doing side burgers?
No side burgers.
I would love a side burger.
Everybody is love, love, love.
Do we also agree that everyone has to
complete their entire burger?
No.
I kind of want to do that.
It's never been a thing.
We've never had succulent beef holding our ingredients together.
For my A, I got ant and
roach spray.
Is that edible? Can you actually
eat that? No, that's fine.
Everyone has to have
a solid three bites.
Okay, three bites.
Earnest effort. How about half the burger?
Yeah. Let's just do the
three bites.
Three bites is probably my see what tastes the easiest ingredient.
Three bites is taking out half my burger.
Okay.
Yeah.
Three bites is probably my whole.
I think three big bites is a lot.
It suffices.
And we, can we get cheese on a wheel?
I'm really going to lobby for cheese.
I love a cheese wheel.
I would love cheese.
A wheel of cheese.
A wheel of cheese.
We all deserve.
Here's what we should do.
Some people get cheese.
Some people don't.
No.
If you want cheese, you have to risk it.
I like the risk.
So we'll have a cheese wheel, and it should just be cheese or wet.
Just get one or the other.
Whoever gets it, yeah.
You can get your cheese, or you could risk getting wet.
Or you can shoplift your cheese.
If you get wet, do you get your cheese?
No.
Okay, all right.
Not cheese and wet. You have, do you get your cheese? No. Okay, all right. It's not cheese and wet.
No, I like, you have to go buy your own cheese wet.
Okay.
Dwayne Reed.
Get wet and then you have cheese.
You have to get soaking wet and go buy it.
Oh, we have cheese.
I want someone to buy cheese wet.
Are Kraft singles the wettest cheese?
They're up there.
They're pretty wet.
By Brie, Adam.
Or mozzarella.
No.
Oh, mozzarella is just water. By Brie, Adam. Mozzarella. Oakford. Mozzarella is just water.
We'll have a wheel.
The wheel will say cheese, so you just get your cheese.
But do you have to spin the wheel?
What if I don't want cheese?
Why would I?
You don't have to spin it if you don't want cheese.
So the wheel will be cheese, just plain wet, cheese and wet,
which would be going to Duane Reade, wet, to get your cheese.
Am I writing this down?
Or you go to Chipotle and you have to order queso in American Sign Language.
With an accent.
Put that on as well.
I mean, we've done that every draft.
Then the last will be you get cheese, but your burger has to be wet.
You have to be wet if you're buying the cheese regardless.
So are you going to risk it, Rowan?
I mean, this is a win for two people.
For Sass, because he's already wet.
Oh, and for me, because I love cheese.
So yeah, you can swap an ingredient for a cheese wheel,
which most of it is just you get the cheese,
but some of the slices are you have to get wet.
You can only swap an ingredient for the cheese,
but if it lands on wet, you have to keep your ingredient still.
Yeah.
What?
We'll get there when we get there.
All right.
Let's show our items.
H.
H.
Okay, H.
I have double items.
Start with that one.
Everyone should only do one item, right?
Yeah.
And then we use the rest as mystery.
Hot and spicy Cheez-Its.
Yeah, that would actually be great.
Yeah, that's more mine.
Nick?
By the way, Donnie is here to cook our burgers.
Thank you to Donnie, Chef Donnie.
Thank you, Chef Donnie.
Haribo gummy bears.
Also a good...
That's a good one.
Nice color.
That's a really good one.
Honey.
Honey.
Honey.
Honey.
Hot dogs.
Oh, that's fun.
I like that.
Hot dogs and hamburgers.
That's not terrible.
Hot dogs.
No one's had anything terrible so far.
Everything's getting mixed up.
They're chopping it up.
Yeah, okay. Ham. Oh, up. They're chopping it up. Yeah, okay.
M.
M.
Oh, wow.
M.
This is fun.
After H, I went straight cunt mode.
Yeah.
Should we go to the table?
Maybe he just is about to go cunt mode right now, just to flex.
He's never gone cunt mode.
It's hetero-loligo squid.
Oh, fuck.
Could be fun.
Don't open it. Open the squid. Oh, fuck. Could be fun. Don't open it.
Open the squid.
No, don't open it.
Not a lot of it, though.
That's something I'd be happy to say.
I'd try it.
And this would get chopped up into a burger, right?
I like seafood.
Yeah.
You know how to cook hot dogs?
Okay.
All right, I had...
Did you go all seafood, KB?
I had Haribo gummy bear.
Hey, that's a great one, man.
Really nice.
Should we swap out one of the Haribos for someone else's H?
No.
Yeah, we'll swap out one of the Haribos with Brandon's extra H.
What's your extra H?
Teribo?
Teribo gummy bear.
Boys.
I'm going to go ahead.
I'm going to have myself a gummy bear right now.
Watch out for gummy tummy.
I think you've earned it.
Yeah, that'd be perfect.
Does anyone have an extra H?
We shouldn't have two Gummy Bears.
I have an extra H.
Watch out.
Sass, those are just your Gummy Bears now.
Just eat them.
Here's the H.
The extra H is?
It's Holler Mountain Creamy and Caramel Coffee.
Beautiful.
That's a good roaster.
Okay.
And then the booth, TJ? Honey That's a good roaster. Okay. I don't know why you're giving it to me. And then the booth, TJ?
Okay.
Honey mustard.
Honey mustard.
Okay.
So far, we're having some good burgers.
Yeah, this is not bad.
Except for the squid.
I think squid could be good.
Squid that starts with an H.
All right, here we go with the A's.
A's.
Anna's ginger Swedish thins.
Oh, that doesn't look that bad.
Anise, is that like the spice anise?
Anise, yeah.
Plural.
Possessive.
You might need to get more bowls.
We might actually, should we all mix our own burgers?
Yeah, we could mix our own burgers.
So Donnie doesn't have to?
I'm not washing my hands, dude.
My A is Alka-Seltzer.
Oh, nice.
Not bad.
You'll be able to taste it.
It'd actually be good.
Albacore tuna.
Fast thoughts.
Mine is baby food.
It's apples and spinach.
Healthy.
A lot of nutrients in there.
Altoids.
Are you positive now?
Is that Molly?
Cinnamon.
Cinnamon Altoids. Jesus. Probably won't mix well. Okay. Altoyds. Are you positive now? Is that Molly? Cinnamon. Cinnamon Altoyds.
Jesus.
Probably won't mix well.
Okay.
Artichokes.
Ooh.
Okay.
That's not that bad.
My A was aged white cheddar pirate's booty.
Ooh, nice.
Aged white cheddar.
Nice.
Why is my notes typing?
Somebody's hacked your phone.
I want to even taste it.
Albacore tuna and we go.
Okay.
Altoys cinnamon.
Altoids 12.
Okay.
Did you do this?
That was your text.
You're talking.
Don't do text to speech.
You're talking.
You just said like the last 10 things that were said.
That was the last two minutes of the conversation.
Oh, this is a great setup.
Yeah, this is good.
Right behind us.
Okay.
And the booth? Applesauce. Applesauce. Oh, all right. These are good burgers. Yeah, this is good. Right behind us. Okay. And the booth?
Applesauce. Applesauce.
Oh, alright. These are good burgers.
Alright, Owen.
Nothing that's not edible so far.
Milk.
Milk. Milk burger.
Milk burger. Had that last night.
Nice.
Mouthwash.
Okay.
Had that last night Mentos
That's such a bad, that's such a lame one
Should I go to my backup M?
Yeah, go to your backup M
No, I like that one
Alright, y'all choose
Mentos or marshmallows
Mentos
I want to do marshmallows
Give me those Mentos I have to collect. Marshmallows. I want to do marshmallows. Marshmallows.
Give me those Mentos.
No, no.
I have to collect all the candy that isn't eaten and take it to my six-year-old.
No.
He was very angry this morning when I was taking this to work.
Get more.
I have, my M is, I haven't made the mix yet, but it's mayo inside muscle milk.
That's a double M.
Yeah, that's a double M.
So I will be spraying the mayo inside the muscle milk.
Now that might be nice.
Yeah, I know.
It'll make like an aioli.
There's already some mayo in muscle milk, right?
Probably.
It's mainly.
I got mixed vegetables, a half pound of mixed vegetables.
Wow.
That's a lot.
By the way, I texted you guys last night.
I forgot how funny it is to do these drafts when you go and go to the store,
and they're just like, what are you getting?
You really see the whole store, though.
Yeah, you do.
Your eye goes everywhere.
All right, your M?
Another wrapped one.
It's a mollusca.
What is that?
Ooh.
What?
Giant Pacific.
Wait, what?
Mollusca? You just keep saying words that you haven't explained it yet.
What do we got?
A whale steak?
Oh, my God.
That's disgusting.
Wait, flip to the camera.
Oh, God damn it.
So fucking gross.
What is that?
Mollusca.
Mollusca.
What? Like, what does that mean Moleska. Moleska. What?
Like, what does that mean?
I am.
They have that at Whole Foods?
I had strawberry watermelon Mio.
That's nice.
I want you to coat it.
It's the second largest invertebrate.
It's a mollusk.
That's disgusting.
Moleska.
Someone had to do it.
Someone had to do it. Someone had to do it.
All right, what does the booth have?
Nuh-uh.
What's your M, Sass?
Mio.
Watermelon.
Oh, that'd be great.
No, that's not bad.
Mint jelly.
Mint jelly.
Okay, we can make a mint burger here, I think.
I see a trend.
All right, so let's put all of our H's and let's put them kind of organized.
Well, that's not organized already.
Yeah, KB, you just slapped them up there.
H's down there.
All right.
My H is hot dog.
H.
All our mountain.
H's are the best, and everything that KB brought is the worst.
I have three backups.
You can keep it.
Finish it.
Finish it.
Finish it.
I'm going to pour the mussel milk.
Okay.
Do we have mystery items?
There are any really bad mystery items.
I think we just put mystery items on the wheel.
Mixed vegetables, M, A.
I thought they were supposed to be the condiment for the burger.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
The mystery items are the condiments.
I forget the rules I make.
Well, can't you swap out something for a mystery item?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Stephen Chay just Eurostepped in the hallway.
Oh, God.
Are you serious?
Yeah, he just Eurostepped.
Travel.
It was a travel.
I mean, so he got his roots for James Harden.
Very nice. Not anymore, though. That was a travel. I mean, so he had his roots for James Harden. Very nice.
Not anymore, though.
That was a low blow.
Strong.
Hello?
I think somebody just...
Donnie just plugged something in.
Yeah, Donnie.
It's probably the plug behind them.
Yeah, what did he unplug?
We have no audio.
No audio.
Did Donnie just plug something in?
Can somebody nod?
I don't know what it is, but this happened before.
It was like a plug behind us.
I don't know. it is, but this happened before. It was like a flood behind us. Thank you. Does this work? Can you guys hear me?
The Pacific Mall in Toronto has a high Asian concentration.
Very high.
Very Asian food court.
I don't think there's any like chick-fil-a or anything
like there but it's more chinese and asian cuisines which are very good
we're going through some technical difficulties for those unaware
it appears some type of cord has been kicked out from the back of the studio which we are
working on fixing the cord got kicked out back there. So the draft today, hamburger draft.
H-A-M ingredients, all displayed very neatly on the table.
To be put on a burger that Chef Donnie is going to make outside the window,
as you can see over there.
The ingredients are displayed, and we will have...
Are we doing the cheese wheel, TJ?
We are doing the cheese wheel TJ?
We are doing the cheese wheel?
Yeah there's a wheel of different cheese activities.
So if people want to add cheese then they will spin the wheel
for either cheese or wet.
An interesting twist
on the draft today.
What else we got going on? NFL schedule
came out last night. Very exciting.
The Steelers
travel zero time zones.
Travel
total like 6,000 miles throughout the whole season.
Very interesting
twist.
We should just all stand by your mic.
Okay. Hey.
No one has ever had
less like
Oh, that's the technical difficulty music.
No one has ever moved
and had less urgency than
Festoli during that.
Like, everything broke and he
just was smiling at us.
I wanted to punch you. I wanted to cave your
fucking face in. Respectfully.
I still love you, but god damn it.
What were you talking about? Malls?
All I heard, I tuned in and I heard you saying Asian food at this mall.
Pacific Mall in Toronto is very high Asian.
One of the bigger...
Talk in the mic.
One of the bigger Asian malls in the...
In the Pacific Northwest?
I would say so.
Yeah, well, that's where all the Asians are.
I mean, Toronto.
But that makes sense.
But all the Asians go closest.
It's like saying, why does New York have a lot of Italians or Irish?
It's like the closest spot.
I don't think we have a lot of Italians anymore.
What are you talking about?
I mean, yeah, because they've been here for a while.
I guess there's like Little Italy and stuff like that.
We're very close to Italy right now.
Yeah, I know.
Not COVID safe. By the way, stick with us. The draft is getting set up. I'm going to go actually make. Yeah, I know. Not COVID safe.
By the way, stick with us.
The draft is getting set up.
I'm going to go actually make sure everything's set up.
You keep talking.
We're in disguise.
Working on technical difficulties right now.
Roni Bologna and some of the ingredients.
Haribo gummy bears, An H ingredient which,
oh,
God.
Which two people brought
so there's a free bag
and that's being
circulated around right now.
Dante the Don
actually wrote a blog
about the best type
of gummy bears.
The best type,
I don't recall what it was.
They start with an A
but are a very popular brand.
I actually like Haribo.
Haribo is my favorite.
Albanese.
Wait,
I can hear him.
We're back!
We're back.
Yes!
Blame Donnie.
Fucking Donnie.
Donnie.
Donnie came in and he said,
I did it on purpose.
Every time we plug cooking equipment in, it shorts out
the entire office.
Fuck this show up or die trying?
Ayo.
Die trying.
It's Donnie's show that he has.
Yeah, probably not.
Maybe we could stand in front of this table and try to sell some of these products.
That would be fun.
Nah, that would be the death wish on this show.
Uh-uh-uh.
I can't allow you to do that.
Don't do that. Wait, for real real is that just a spare fuck yeah go to dudewipes.com and use code yak20 that is for 20 off your entire order
dude wipes we're back dude wipes we are back wait kyle can Kyle, can you throw this out before I kick it over?
I was saying no one in the history of, like, a technical issue happening had less urgency than Fasoli there.
I wanted to cave his face in.
I'm not.
No, he doesn't smile at you.
He's not had a good day.
He didn't even move.
He just looked at us like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's out.
He was like shooing you.
And then I went in there and Stephen, I mean, it's always something with Stephen,
but he was talking about how there's more Asians in the Pacific Northwest.
No, no, no.
You mistook me.
The Pacific Mall.
The Pacific Mall is in Toronto.
What?
That doesn't even make sense.
I mean, that's the name of it.
There's more Chinese people in San Francisco than anywhere else besides China, right?
Yeah.
Is that what you were saying, Steve?
Oh, I told Steve, and I was like, just like in New York, there's a lot of Italians and Irish because it's the closest.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
I think we had a misunderstanding.
I was talking about the Pacific Mall in Toronto, not the Pacific Northwest.
I think both have a large percentage of Asians.
Yeah, Toronto as well.
The Muslim population in
Philadelphia is the biggest outside of the Middle East.
No way.
Isn't it like Milwaukee and people from
who's the guy that took Tom Hanks'
boat? Somalians.
Minnesota has a lot of
Somalians.
Minnesota has a lot of boat
Somalians.
There's like a
actual
Scandinavian
oh no no no no
something in Asia
they have a lot of Vikings
Somalia
it's one of the
no it's one of the
53 at least
god damn it
it's one of the fucking
islands in Asia
there's
an inordinate amount of
Vietnamese
are you thinking of
Kirby Puck
Thailand
Thai Cambodia Bangkok Singapore I'm gonna fucking Laotian There's an inordinate amount of... Vietnamese. Are you thinking of Kirby Puck? Thailand. Thai.
No.
Cambodia.
Bangkok.
Singapore.
I'm going to fucking...
Laotian.
Maybe.
I watched Crazy Rich Asians.
Maybe.
That's the first one that sounded right.
Great movie.
Lowls.
Any Laotian or some shit like that?
Something like that.
I don't know.
KB, do your thing.
Do your little thing. Look at those boys
out there. They're just not...
Okay. Wires, wires, wires.
When will we...
Should we start the draft? We don't need that
right now, do we? We could start the draft.
Why are Donnie and the security guard
doing the wires and Pete's not?
Pete doesn't know how to do it.
He's dealing with wires. Pete has no idea what he's doing.
H-M-O-N-G?
That's a Chinese subgroup.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Kind of have to snort out the H.
You have to say it with your nose.
I see you.
That's correct.
Yeah, you do.
There's no languages that use snorting, is there?
Pigs.
Ultimate warrior.
Fuck.
Tim Allen.
I have a question about the draft.
If we can get back to the draft first.
Yeah, let's do that.
Are we going, we're all picking an H?
Or whoever goes first just has the pick of the day?
Yeah, it's a strategy. Pick of the day. Yeah, it's a strategy Think of this table like a mall
It has been a long time since we drafted
Since October
You're a little out of it
That was Tommy Walker day
Back in Rocktober, man
We were rocking this October
It was the molusca
Molusca, okay
So are we spinning for the draft order?
Yes
By the way, this is my M
It's mayo milk
That would get you jacked if you drank it
Egg whites
This is great
I'm excited, boys
Are you guys excited?
Let's spin the wheel for order
These burgers are going to suck.
Oh, wait.
This is my A, too.
I actually feel like these burgers are going to suck.
Wait a minute.
Should we switch this up a little bit?
There's a way for it to be good, and KB is going to...
No, it's perfect.
There's a way for it to be good.
There's ways for it to be decent.
There's ways for it to be tolerable, and there's ways for it to be intolerable.
It's like every draft.
One person is going to get the worst burger.
Exactly.
I think it's a perfect...
I have a crazy twist if you guys want to hear me out. I'm hearing you out. You ate that plastic sea foam? Yeah. I'm going to get the worst. Exactly. I think it's a perfect. I have a crazy twist if you guys want to hear me out.
I'm hearing you out.
You ate that plastic sea foam?
Yeah.
I'm going to twist.
Go ahead, Nick.
What if we have all of our names on the wheel, lands on sass, his name's not taken off the wheel, it's still on there, so you build your burger according to the wheel?
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
So I could pick three in a row, technically.
Wow, I love it.
So that's the draft order?
I love it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That I can pick three in a row, technically. Wow, I love it. So that's the draft order? I love it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
That's not-
Nicholas.
Oh, Brandon, I love it.
Nicholas.
Do a draft, but you can get really fucked, and it changes up the-
Yeah, and you can get really fucking-
I love it.
Somebody can really have a good burger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It just spins, and you get a pick.
All in favor?
Aye.
Aye.
That's genius.
Yes.
You all right with this?
Yeah, I don't care.
So the proof...
This is Sass's last day at
Baltimore.
I also
hear...
I mean, it's a fun wrinkle.
If anyone gets
their fourth,
so they completed their burger,
and they get a fourth before anyone else has a single one.
So if someone has zero and someone has four, number four has to go get wet.
Yes.
Okay.
That's all it has to be.
It's just like you're basically deciding like if I get my entire burger
and Sass has not gotten his name called once, and then I get it again,
I got to go.
Yeah, that's the greedy rule.
Yes, that's the greedy rule.
That's a fair gluttony rule. Yeah, it's a greedy rule. Yes, that's the greedy rule. Greedy rule.
That's a fair gluttony rule. Yeah, it's a gluttony rule.
You're a glutton.
Okay.
You want four ingredients?
Go get wet.
Yeah, right.
Exactly.
You don't get a fourth.
It's literally like you can't get seconds before someone gets first.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yep, love it.
Okay.
Nice fail safe.
Yes.
I do like the buy in the cheese wet, though, too.
Yeah, of course.
Oh, we're definitely going to do a cheese wheel.
Cheese wheel. That's only if you want cheese. Correct. It's, though. Yeah, of course. Oh, we're definitely going to do a cheese wheel. Cheese wheel.
That's only if you want cheese.
Correct.
It's just Roan.
Yeah, so just Roan.
Just Roan.
I really need cheese.
Roan might have to go down to Chipotle and do sign language.
I'll get the cheese, though.
Look at their...
You can't do a...
I think more people will want cheese than we realize.
You can't do a sign language thing on the bird.
You have to spell out what you want inside.
That's a good looking wheel.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Spell out cheese.
A beach ball. That's true. What Owen just said, Roan. If I have a terrible burger, I'm what you want inside. That's a good-looking wheel. Yeah, that's true. Spell out cheese. A beach ball.
That's true what Owen just said, Rowan.
Like, if I have a terrible burger, I'm going to want cheese.
Yeah.
I feel like cheese could make it worse.
You're going to earn your cheese.
You got to do an ASL, though?
An ASL.
Or a...
Call your stack-ass wife and have her tell us how to spell cheese.
You have to do hand gestures, but you can't point.
It's funny your wife knows sign language,
because I'm not looking at those hands when she's talking to me, Brandon.
You feel me, brother?
I got it.
Uh-uh.
No, sir.
Wait, so does that mean we can just start the draft?
Yeah, let's get it fired up.
Let's get it fucking fired up.
Chef Donnie, how are we feeling?
This draft could be an hour long.
An hour?
It could be our shortest draft.
I might rush through it.
All right.
Does that go with the good leg mobility?
What's he doing?
He was bending at the hips.
Chopping wood?
You want to lift with your legs, not your back.
Oh, man.
This is...
What a great twist, Nick.
Oh, delicious.
Still a draft? No, no, no twist, Nick. Oh, delicious. Still a draft?
No, no, no.
They're an order of letters.
Yeah, chop the squid.
You might have to chop the squid.
Chop the mollusk.
Oh, and then remember, we're still going to do three steals after.
Just throw that one away, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Three steals after everyone's got their burger.
Moss cloth or whatever it is.
Three steals.
How expensive was the mollusk?
The mollusk was $14.
That's about market price right now.
$14 from Whole Foods for that much food is alarming.
The woman behind the Moleska.
Alarmingly cheap.
She was giddy that I was buying that.
A steak that size from Whole Foods would be like $75.
You're laughing?
I'm very concerned.
She's laughing her ass off.
What is it typically like eating?
I was smirking when I ordered it.
Am I supposed to be smirking?
Let me see it.
I don't want to see it.
No, do the order.
Do the order and then the smirk.
What order?
Like what you were.
How you ordered it.
Oh, gosh.
I thought you meant the dress.
No, the whole thing.
No, give me the whole thing.
That was good.
He started laughing.
Pretty cute.
He started laughing.
What is it?
Johnny, do you know what it is?
Like what it typically is served with?
You can talk to that mic.
You usually make like a broth with it.
It's made to like fish stocks and really eat it.
Did you Google it or do you know that?
No, I know that.
I mean, I'm assuming just based on what it's like, the name of it.
I've never cooked with it before.
It's an octopus.
It's a mollusk.
I just needed an M word. Oh, so you just bought's an octopus. It's a mollusk. I just needed an M word.
I didn't know. So you just
bought an octopus and said it was a mollusk?
Reverse engineered it. Oh, that's bullshit.
It is a mollusk. That's bullshit.
That's not a mollusk. Yes, it is. Wet. Wet.
On the fucking type of octopus.
Wet. Wet. Wet.
Wet. Wet. Wet.
You can do mayo milk and I can do
mollusk. But the muscle milk was
already an M. It is a mollusk. But the muscle milk was already in the mollusca.
It is a mollusca.
Say it on the label.
Why did you say it was an octopus?
That is its phylum.
I'm giving you fucking easier words.
Phylum?
I'm tired of using culinary jargon with you idiots.
Oh, that's dumb.
What does it say on the label?
What is it?
Yeah.
What does the label say?
Check the label, Brandon.
It's a mollusca and it's not about the label.
I'm talking about the label behind the glass.
You got to get as wet as a mollusca.
Hell no. Over on the label. Oh, my Godusca and it's not about the label behind the glass. You gotta get as wet as a mollusca. Hell no.
We're out the label. Oh my god.
Yo, it's sitting on there.
AB. Wet.
Why would you say wet? Wet.
His ass just so quickly was like wet.
You lied about the price,
dude. 24, yeah.
Why did you lie about the price?
I'm not getting wet.
You have to. It is a mollusca.
It doesn't sound like it.
Why did you tear the label?
I don't know what you bought.
Is that not a mollusca?
Prove that that item isn't a mollusca and I'll get wet.
Is it not called that?
Prove that it's not a mollusca.
You don't even want to look at it.
It's so gross.
And what is an octopus?
A mollusca.
Is an octopus technically a mollusca? It sure is. It's so gross. And what is an octopus? A mollusca. Is an octopus technically a mollusca?
It sure is. Let's check that. I'll fucking
draft it. I'll pick it for me.
Let's go. Let's spin it.
You guys have fucking
inedible mouthwash and pills.
Alka-Seltzer
has no taste. It's actually good for your tummy.
It's good for your tummy.
Alright, here we go.
For the first overall pick?
For the first pick.
No, yeah,
you get to just go up
and pick.
I'm not ready for this.
Brandon.
Wow.
What are you about to get?
Take the Moleska.
Take it.
I love this twist.
Yeah.
Still a draft.
Still strategy.
Shot clock.
Shot clock.
Travel.
Jesus, man. It's the first fucking pick. Shot clock. Jesus, man.
It's the first fucking pick.
We had an hour to decide.
It should be easy with the first pick.
I don't think there's really that many.
So clearly the marshmallow.
The ham?
The ham.
The marshmallow?
That always feels good when your thing is picked first.
So clearly the marshmallow.
It's so clearly the marshmallow.
Who wouldn't want marshmallows? I would marshmallow ever. Bro, how are you? Wait, wait, wait. So clearly the marshmallow. It's so clearly the hot dog. Who wouldn't want marshmallows? I would marshmallow
ever.
So clearly the one.
That's like fucking, that's Peyton Manning
of the draft. What goes with marshmallow?
Hamburger. You also can't get
ham and hot dog, Brandon. They're both H's.
You still need H-A-M.
I said it was either ham or hot dog.
You guys really don't think marshmallows?
No, no, no.
Ham was a good pick.
There is a clear number one, and I hope I'm next.
Marshmallow.
I could be next.
Yeah, then you could get wet, bitch.
That's true.
Yeah, before anybody.
Yeah, it's kind of a risk.
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
Spin it again.
Press your luck.
Come on, boys.
Oh, fuck.
Are you taking the mallows?
Are you taking the mallows?
Marshmallows.
I'll be bunny.
Fuck.
Marshmallows.
The wheel has been conveniently just.
You guys know I'm allergic to mollusca, right?
I'll pick mollusca.
Mollusca's a top three ingredient on there, and it's not one or two.
I'm the third best.
It was the most expensive.
I just saw KB make eyes with marshmallows.
I don't think anyone wants marshmallows.
That's going to be a flop.
That's all you.
So good.
Sitting pretty.
You guys are idiots.
Marshmallows.
Marshmallows in a burger feels like something I would see like Vin Dogg cooking.
Come on.
Like a special recipe.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Shot clock.
Shot clock.
Wet.
Wet.
Wet, wet, wet.
Wet again.
Wait, there is one evil item on there.
If you touch it, you have to go get wet.
Yep, you did it.
That's pickle.
You touched a non-draft item.
What do you get?
What do you get? What do you get?
Pickle chips.
Veggies.
Veggies.
Mix, so that's an M.
Mix now because I didn't want to get the fucking Moleska.
You're out of the running for the Moleska.
Unless someone swaps you the Moleska.
Yeah.
You may still get the Moleska.
You're in real shape.
Isn't there a rule with the Moleska?
Isn't there a rule with the swap, though?
I don't think you'll get the Moleska.
We're talking about something with the swap before.
No, three people get them.
Yeah, three people get to do a trade, and then when you get something taken,
then we'll just put all the mystery items into the wheel.
And so you spin the wheel for your replacement.
Okay.
Very easy.
Very easy.
So easy.
Our most streamlined draft ever.
Yeah.
Okay.
Brandon, are you excited?
No, I'm fine.
Just relax, Ronald.
I'm nervous.
I need my name to be up next.
Oh, fuck.
I got a bad feeling it's about AB.
AB.
Take it.
That molusk, bitch.
Taking all the shit you're talking.
He's talking so much shit.
He's not taking the molusk.
You liar.
Just like you lied about the price.
Why would you lie about that?
And the name of the food.
You fraud.
That's applesauce.
That would be A.
It was A?
Yeah.
It's getting mouthwash.
Muscle milk and mayo.
Trying actively to avoid the Maleska.
Or just milk or mouthca. Muscle milk and mayo.
And a whole milk.
A milk purge. Take a mollusk.
Why?
Why?
Take anything else.
Wow, KB.
You bought it.
Um, motherfucker.
He knows this is the only way he won't get wet.
I don't want mayo, muscle milk, or mouthwash. You don't have to
take an M. Yeah, you do.
No one else is going to
take the molusk. You do.
I would rather have the molusk over the mayo,
muscle milk, and the mouthwash. A milk burger?
Mint jelly. Milk burger's not bad.
The fact that the mayo, muscle milk
is going into a burger makes it better.
If you just had to drink that, it would be
gross. Why are you guys complaining?
I got the mollusks.
See?
The run on M's kind of makes me seem like a genius.
Marshmallows was the best pick.
No.
Yep.
Yep.
Wait a second.
What other M's are there?
Brother, you already picked and you sat down.
Spin the wheel.
Spin the wheel again.
Spin the wheel.
Oh!
Hey!
Spin it!
Spin it!
Spin it!
Donnie, don't let him, Donnie! Donnie, don't let him, Donnie! Get him in jelly. No way.
No way.
No way.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
I'm saying chest.
You picked and you sat.
Shut down.
Stop.
Wet.
Wet.
Get your mescala.
Now you got to take a bite of it raw.
Now you got to put it in your pants. Now you got to fuck the mescala. Now you gotta take a bite of it raw. Now you gotta put it in your pants.
Now you gotta fuck the mescala.
Milk!
I would've gone with the Mio.
I forgot about the Mio. That's a good one.
Yeah, I was hiding back.
No, I heard when everyone was listening to him, I didn't say anything
because I was hoping it would fly under the radar.
How many other M's?
Okay. We're cooking.
Yeah, we're cooking.
Anybody not have any ingredients? Yeah, three people. We're cooking. Yeah, we're cooking. Anybody not have any ingredients?
Yeah, three people.
Oh, shit.
Who?
KB.
All right.
The squid.
Wait, you could trade in one of your picks for another.
So you'd still be at one.
No, that's...
Why do we say that?
What do you mean?
Does anyone have mystery?
No, you can't trade it in.
No, you can't.
You're not trading in the molusca.
Stop.
We're not trading in Molusco right now.
Mystery is when we do steals.
Cheese it's Molusco.
That might be fucking good.
Hot and spicy.
H.
What is it?
Spicy.
That's a good one.
Okay.
Okay.
Roni. Off the board. Rony
off the board
so the only two that are not
Owen in the booth
has not picked
mint jelly
that'll be good
we have too many M's
no
no
like this artichoke
is hanging out in the M's
wait what is
artichokes chilling in M's
no there's three M's
oh no
yeah
not everyone's taking an M
got it
you're right
Brandon took H.
Idiot.
Donnie, which one do you think will be the hardest to cook ingredient-wise?
The problem with the octopus and the squid is you either have to cook it fast in hot oil or really slow for a couple hours.
So those are going to suck.
Well, why don't you just cook it?
Why don't you not do either of those?
Well, you can cook it like a molasses. Put it in the burger. You don't have to cook it like an octopus. Yeah, you're going to grind it all up in the burger. It's are going to suck. Why don't you just cook it? Why don't you not do either of those? You can cook it like a molasses.
Put it in the burger.
You don't have to cook it.
If you're going to grind it all up in the burger,
it's not going to taste good.
Yeah.
It's like rubber.
You have to do that, though.
That's what we're doing.
We're mixing our meat.
Okay.
Unless we think maybe,
are people not going to be honest
about how much they're mixing?
Well, should Donnie take that and chop it up for him?
I think he should.
We should have a different wheel where you mix someone else's burger to keep the honesty.
That's a lot of fun.
No, that's just evil.
No, we should mix each other's burgers.
Yeah, fuck it.
All right, let's spin here.
If you want me to mix, I can be neutral in how I mix.
All right, maybe Donnie will mix.
Maybe Donnie will mix.
I can mix.
All right.
Of course you want him to, because you have mollusca.
Yeah, as soon as someone has...
Oh, no, because we've got to do steals.
Okay. Do we have a seat for Donnie? Donnienie there's a seat right there i feel bad uh spin again
so kb has two yeah this is where it gets a little bit dangerous it's assy oh nick
nick this is dangerous danger danger danger Owen and Booth have not picked.
He's got to put on his hat.
Honey. Good pick.
Honey. Really good pick. Good pick.
Not as good as the marshmallows, but good pick.
If you got marshmallows and honey, now you're talking.
You got marshmallows.
My draft is set.
Yeah.
I got a franchise quarterback for next year.
And marshmallows?
I'm just going to stick to the fact that Marshmallows was the best pick,
even though it clearly wasn't.
Okay.
Keep spinning.
Owen on the board.
Okay.
Owen's on the board.
We need a booth bad because then we're safe from being wet, right?
Yes.
Mio.
Mio.
That means Booth is getting a mouthwash or muscle milk burger.
Yep.
Or Brandon.
That's a Mayo burger.
Taking H was a big mistake.
Yeah, you took the one with the best option.
Again, it was clearly a one overall.
Any one of those H's.
I didn't know when else I was going to pick again.
Ham is good for a hamburger.
No doubt.
No doubt, brother.
No doubt.
You were pretty short-sighted.
There were no great options.
Oh, there's great options.
Is there zucchini in there?
You don't like it?
H, every H option was good.
I just tried to avoid this.
It was a pretty great option.
Look at that.
See this?
Looks pretty good, Dan.
We need a booth. We need a booth.
We need a booth bad.
All right, here we go.
I don't think the muscle milk's as bad as we think it is.
I don't think it is either.
No way.
I think the milk's the worst part.
Owen!
Two in a row.
Owen just quickly went from he might not get picked to he might get wet.
Yeah, this is dangerous.
The marshmallow?
Bad.
They look delicious.
Yeah, they are so good.
What do you get?
Pirate's Booty Aged Cheddar.
A.
Smart.
We're side snacking, too?
Smart.
Why don't you crack open the mint jelly?
Ron, you took my gummy bears earlier and we're eating them.
No, but those aren't the gummy bears in the game.
So you never pass them back.
Those are the side gummies.
KB has them.
Or side gummies.
Chuck them, Kyle.
All right, next one.
That was a really protective...
Yeah, I'm thankful.
Good use of the bill.
That was amazing.
Stopped that perfectly.
Pretty good.
How much would it hurt if I slapped the bill?
Wouldn't hurt at all.
Might hurt you.
All right.
Spin it.
Booth, booth, booth, booth, booth, booth.
No booth, no booth.
Uh-oh.
Oh, second one.
Somebody's going to have to get wet, I think.
I think so, too.
Oh. Oh, no, too. Oh!
Hot dog!
Smart.
Hot diggity dog!
I should have taken hot dog because I was on my rupee cower.
All right.
Spit it again.
Oh!
That's KB's third! His it. Oh, KB.
That's KB's third. His third ingredient.
I'm done.
Now KB.
Yeah, but if you get a fourth, you're wet.
Wet.
Wet.
Wet.
Wet.
Such a good ad lib.
It is exciting.
A.
A.
I think the albacore.
A.
Ennis.
What's that?
Baby food?
It's apples and spinach.
Yeah, apples.
It's not bad.
All right, Kyle.
All right.
Burger complete.
That's bad.
How did you win and lose?
You lost hard.
The only thing you have is the cheese.
You really lost.
This is fucking terrible.
You got molasses, baby food, and hot and spicy cheese.
None of these items go together.
Fuck.
All right.
What were you fucking thinking?
Show me some love.
Oh!
Wet!
Wet!
Yes! There it goes. What. Yes.
What a rule.
Greedy.
Greedy.
Greedy boy.
Greedy failsaver.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, wait.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Rank.
So he gets the mollusca and he's sopping wet.
Yeah.
It was the worst burger.
Tough go for KB.
He invented moisture, too.
He invented wet.
Oh, my God.
Holy.
Greedy.
Greedy.
What a great fail save.
That really protected us.
Yeah.
What do we do to boys that get greedy?
Wait, and so more people could get greedy?
Yeah, what if.
Oh, yeah.
They could get wet again.
What if the booth never gets picked?
We're just all wet.
I think if we all hit it...
That's fast.
We'd have to get wet again.
Yes, you would.
Yeah, why?
If you got greedy?
Oh, yeah, no.
I would have to get wet again.
I thought you said if the booth never gets it, I would have to get wet again.
Well, if the booth never gets it, we'd all have to get wet.
Yeah.
Oh, I think if the booth...
If we all hit three by the time the booth gets zero,
they should have to all get wet.
I love that.
Count it, yes.
That's a timid rule.
You guys are too timid to eat.
What's the opposite of greedy?
Timid.
All right, spin again.
By the way, if KB comes up again, he's re-wet.
He's right back in.
Keep a tally.
All right, go ahead.
Spin again.
Oh, God.
No way.
No fucking way, dude.
All right, well, he's got to get re-wet.
He's not going to believe it.
I know, he won't believe it, but he has to.
Just get the clip ready for him.
We'll show the clip.
Oh, here it comes.
Wait, leave it, leave it.
Just leave it.
It has no pants on.
Hey, B, you got to re-wet.
Hey, B, hold on, hold on, hold on.
We got bad news.
We got bad news.
We spun it again and it came up again.
He's running like such a wrestler, too.
How did that shit get so big?
What is going on?
What is going on?
Oh, my God.
What is going on
Honestly not that bad
To just get re-wet right away
If you had to sit for a minute
I hope he just keeps that
We just like
We get
Should we spin it again
In case he comes back
We get caught in a loop
Where it's just
For the next 15 times
KB's just going back
To the shower
His shirt's just getting
Longer every time
Is the moisture
Making it long It moisture making it long?
It's making it heavy.
It's like one of those dinosaurs
when you put it in water and it gets wet.
Dude, he's so wet.
He literally looks like a little boy.
KB, stand still.
Oh my God.
Are you cold?
Yeah.
I'm cold.
I'm going to spin the wheel.
Greedy.
Greedy.
Greedy.
You greedy, greedy boy.
This is what you get.
All right, here we go.
Spin that shit.
Oh, yes. Oh.
Oh, yes.
Oh!
No, no, no, no.
Oh, that's a good one.
Owens on three.
Owens on three. Owens on three.
Wow.
Is it one more?
Oh, and then he's wet.
I only have marshmallows.
Yeah, I had just veggies.
And he got, what, honey mustard?
Yeah.
Nice choice.
That's a great pick.
That probably should have been one-one. Yeah, that's because veggies. And he got, what, honey mustard? Nice choice. That's a great pick. That probably should have been 1-1.
Yeah, that's because that one will overwhelm.
Besides, 1-2.
That's my favorite honey mustard, too.
Pens?
All right, let's spin that bitch.
By the way, go to dudewipes.com.
Use code YAK20 for 20% off your entire order.
If you use that code, we'll be doing more drafts.
True.
Please use it.
Everyone support the boys.
And your tushy. All right, go. And subscribe. And True. Please use it. Everyone support the boys. And your tushy.
All right, go.
And subscribe.
And subscribe.
Please subscribe.
KB is shivering badly.
Hold his shit.
Okay, here we go.
Uh-oh.
No way.
No way.
KB.
Oh, my. He's so greedy. A.K.A. B. Oh, my.
He's so greedy.
Greedy boy.
Okay.
I'm going to shit myself.
Oh, my.
Can you show his chair right now?
His chair.
Jesus Christ.
Holy fuck.
Steven, make sure you put a clip out of him having to go back for the third time.
I'm crying.
I feel like he's going to have to go back a couple
more times. We might be on to something.
I might get hypothermia.
It really might.
Oh, no.
Fuck.
That poor guy.
You wanted wet, dude.
This has been the most wet
that any human's ever been.
There's no one that's ever been more wet than this.
Here he comes.
He's back.
He is getting wetter.
He's getting longer.
Oh my god, it's down to your knees now.
It's getting wet.
His shirt's almost as long as Nick's hat is long.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
All right, spin it again.
The wheel is so just.
It's all for the mollusk.
No.
Oh, Owen almost had to go get wet.
Wow.
Sass mixed vegetables, and that's it?
Yeah.
Owen almost had to get wet. I Wow. Sass mixed vegetables, and that's it? Yeah. Owen almost had to get wet.
I think you got to take an A.
Or no, an H.
A coffee.
What is H?
Coffee.
No, there's a squid there, too.
And gummy bears.
Squid, coffee, or gummy bear?
Gummy bear.
It's his gummy bears.
Okay.
I don't think the squid
Would be all that bad
Nah I think the squid
Will be fine
I think it is gonna be bad
The octopus
Is not gonna be good
The squid can't
The squid's char
How nice is Donnie
In chopping it up
You mean
How fine will it be
Oh my god
Dude Holy shit Oh my god.
Fuck, dude.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
I actually have it in shit myself.
Dude, oh my god.
KB.
This is so funny.
What is it? Is this the third one?
Fourth.
Fourth?
Oh my god, dude.
I can't breathe.
That greedy bastard.
I can't breathe.
That greedy bastard.
Holy shit.
I don't want the Zabred.
Too many ingredients.
I don't want the Zabred.
Oh, my God.
We just need a super cut of him being like, oh, you want to be greedy? Go get wet.
You want another ingredient? And then him doing it
four times. And he still
has to eat the fucking octopus, dude.
He still has mollusca.
Look at my face.
Look at my face.
I'm crying so hard.
It's so hard. I'm crying so hard.
Oh, boy.
Can we just have a moment?
Jesus Christ. He's so wet.
He's so wet. He's so wet.
He's so wet.
I can eat my...
He's so fucking wet.
Oh, my God.
I can't breathe.
It's a patent leather couch.
It is.
Oh, my God.
That chair looks like an orca whale.
Holy fuck.
It's in the fucking wheel.
It shivers so hard.
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
No.
Ooth.
Owen.
Owen.
Owen.
Oh, no.
Owen's got to go get wet.
Not as fun.
Greedy.
That's fun.
What a rule.
Greedy, greedy.
Oh, it was all good just a second ago.
Greedy, greedy, greedy.
Okay.
Oh, fuck.
Could there be a cap or no?
I don't think so.
The thing is, I keep getting more wet and cold.
Holy shit, dude.
After each subsequent shower, I get wetter and colder.
Oh, my God.
You've gone in four times, KB.
How do you feel?
I'm just really, really cold.
People are loving this.
12,000 people watching.
Oh, my God.
This is so funny.
Is anyone else only on one?
Brandon's on one.
I have two.
I don't want one.
I do not want one.
I still have the fucking worst burger.
I know.
This is my fault.
Yes, it's your fault.
I still have steals and cheese.
What if you had to get cheese, dude?
Would you risk the cheese at this point?
You're already wet.
Would you have to go to the store?
Go downside.
I need cheese.
Would you go to the store like that?
I would have to.
The fact that you've done the little run.
Holy shit.
I know.
With your hands over your dick.
I'm going to run because the floor is very slippery right now.
Oh, he's soaked.
I hope the booth never leaks. Poor boy. Oh, my God. So funny. How big very slippery right now. Oh, he's soaked. I hope the booth never leaks.
Poor boy. Oh my god.
So funny. How big his shirt is now.
Car hearts. He's so wet.
What happens in the shower like this?
Owen was
by the way
Oh.
Roof of wet. Alright.
Spit it again.
Oh my god. Fuck. No it again. Oh my god.
Fuck.
No, Nick.
Thank god.
Oh no, no.
Nick.
That's my third.
Nick's third.
Dangerous.
I hope
danger
never gets fixed.
Oh, and you do
kind of look cool.
You look like a top boy.
You look more British
when you're wet.
Crackers.
Crackers.
Spit it again.
Crackers. That's your full burger. Mutual ingredients. My full burger. Milk. Full burger. Crackers, crackers. Did it again. Crackers.
That's your full burger.
Mutual ingredients.
Full burger milk.
Full burger crackers.
That's not bad.
What's even going to happen when the milk gets mixed in with it?
It's just going to be a regular burger, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's going to be like a decent burger.
A lot of burgers have more milk in them.
Sass, you're second.
Damn.
No, my third.
Third.
All right, no.
Then we're close to having the booth get wet If they're timid
Brandon and I only have one eat
Oh fuck
We're so far away
I think I'm going to get wet
KB you going pantless was a smart move
So Owen
Yeah my
I don't
I'm out of pants
Owen, Nick, Sass and KB are all on greedy watch
Yeah
Yeah pull up greedy watch
Zoom in Alright Sass Shot clock Applesauce Applesauce What's your whole burger right now Yeah, pull up Greedy Watch.
It's Shot Clock.
Applesauce.
What's your whole burger right now?
I've got mixed veggies, gummy bears, and applesauce.
So that's healthy.
That's fruits and veggies.
I have marshmallows.
Yeah, you do.
It has this ham.
Okay, here we go.
I don't want this, man.
Can this bill get wet?
Oh, God.
See ya.
See ya.
Okay.
All right, spin it again. Spin it again.
Keep it going.
I have overlapped wets.
It's fine.
Keep it going.
How is it possible we haven't had Booth once?
No Booth.
Wheel is just.
Oh, here we go.
Oh, my God.
Go meet him.
Meet me at a spot.
Run.
He spit that. Run, dude. Run. It's his fifth time.
Run, dude.
It's his fifth time.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I would love to know what they're saying in there.
I fucking hate this.
This show sucks.
Cat always adds a twist. Fucking hate this. This show sucks. The cat always adds a twist.
Fucking dickhead.
Oh my god.
Oh man.
How is that possible?
Five times.
How many spins total have there been and the booth hasn't been landed on once?
They're running back.
They're running back.
Look how long Owen Owen sleeve is.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Here we go.
Spin it again.
Nick is on.
Nick and Sasser are on watch.
Nick and Sasser are on watch.
Oh.
Thank God.
Oh, damn.
Roan, third ingredient.
He's on watch. Roan is on greedy watch. Oh, damn. Roan, third ingredient. He's on watch.
He's on watch.
What is that?
Greedy watch.
Greedy watch.
Greedy watch.
Oh, no.
You got to take the artichokes.
You guys are going to be dry but have the worst fucking burger.
Oh, yeah, but we got nothing.
I got marshmallow.
You're going to have marshmallows, Alka-Seltzer, and mouthwash.
I got artichoke, hot dog, and real jelly mint.
That's not bad. It's not that bad. Not bad at all. No, no, hot dog, and real jelly mint. That's not bad.
It's not that bad.
It's not bad at all.
No, no.
It's not.
All right.
Oh, fuck.
Greedy watch.
Greedy watch.
Oh, fuck.
I am going to kill myself.
Spin it again.
Spin it again.
You greedy boy.
You greedy boy.
Spin it again.
Oh, and save some for the rest of us, greedy boy.
Someone has to go in there with him.
Spit it again.
Show me Booth.
Show me fucking Booth.
Please.
Oh!
Yeah!
Thank God.
Booth has decided.
Much needed.
All right.
So we're dry.
We're just dry.
The Booth has to go to Mayo Milk. Mayo Milk. The Booth has selected Mayo Milk. All right. So we're dry. We're just dry. The booth has to go to Mayo Milk.
Mayo Milk.
The booth has selected Mayo Milk.
All right.
Spin again.
There's no greedy anymore.
There's no greedy.
It's over.
Yeah, we did.
The wheel's over.
I'm saying for the cheese.
Oh, cheese.
Mayo Milk.
Mayo Milk.
All right.
Next up.
What a relief.
Spin it again.
Let's get all these so we can go to the steals.
Let's speed.
It's inside of it.
Speed spin.
It was inside of it. It was inside of it.
Brandon with the second pick.
What are you taking?
Spin it again.
No, I don't either.
It doesn't matter because...
You're going to cook it.
And so you should take your...
Is that shit just going to explode into flames when I hit the pick?
All right, he took it.
Oh, he got his hand on it.
No, but you picked it up.
I think it's a good pick.
Everything sucks.
It's not the last time.
Everything sucks at this point.
I think Alka-Seltzer is a sneaky good one.
Why the best pick?
You won't taste it.
Yeah.
All right.
I like artichokes.
Spin it again.
Oh, no.
So wet.
Good news, Owen.
The 3D wheel is over.
Oh, but.
Spin it again.
Ah, damn, you're wet.
Yeah, he is.
You're going to get wet as fuck.
Don't slip on that floor.
Brandon, burger's done.
Tuna.
Don't look for it.
No, you already have mouthwash.
Why not...
No, no, no.
Double mint.
Minty ham.
Go out...
Cinnamon. Different type of... I'll go Alka-Seltzer. Why not be a good bird? No, no, no go double mint minty ham Go out. Yeah
Different type of I'll go out to sell sir
Taste it's also good for the tummy. Y'all can seltzer's gonna might react like a
Luna right
Jay you wanna is it just me in the booth mint tuna, dude
Yeah, so just dude just So just do the two of us.
All right.
Well, no, we got to do steels first.
Are steels working?
And cheese.
Three spins.
All right, what do you guys want?
I can't see what's left.
Boots. Alka-Seltzer, Altoids, Octopus, coffee.
What's the coffee?
It's just ground coffee.
Ground coffee.
What letter is that?
You take the coffee, and he has to have the squid.
You guys should take the squid.
I'm the coffee guy.
Yeah, it's good for the brand.
It would be fucked up if you took the coffee.
Alka-Seltzer.
Okay.
Wow, that's wildly stupid.
You should take the coffee. All right, spin it again. Why would you not took the coffee in my face. Alka-Seltzer. Okay. Wow, that's wildly stupid. You should take the coffee.
All right, spin it again.
Why would you not take the coffee?
Spin it again.
I just want to stay, Steven.
As Che is back there, he's like, it's true.
Big Cat does need the coffee.
Sales said they wanted him to have the coffee.
All right, I'll take the coffee.
All right.
I don't know how that mental game worked.
All right, so that's it.
I have coffee and Altoids.
You guys have octopus.
Okay.
Squid.
You got the squid.
Wait, the booth.
You could have just avoided the squid, and then you just got the squid.
I don't.
You're wrong.
Oh, you motherfucker.
Are we beans?
Ew.
Are we doing cheese before or after swaps?
Cheese after swap.
All right, now we can swap.
Smash it?
Yeah, just have to smash it.
Three people get swaps, and what's the rules for the swap?
Let's do the swaps now.
So the rules are very simple.
Everyone's back on the wheel.
We spin.
If your name comes up, you can trade with anyone,
and that person has to spin for a mystery item.
Wow.
What if you get it and you don't want to trade?
Tough titty. You have to trade?'t want to trade? Tough titty.
You have to trade?
Same letter for same letter?
If there's a trade, then you wouldn't be in need of a mystery item.
Right.
A person gets their item taken.
Oh, it's a trade. You're right.
When are we doing the mystery item?
If you don't want to trade with anybody,
you can take a mystery item.
I think we should actually do four then.
Let's do four.
Half the field will get a trade.
Cool.
If anyone gets it three times, they got to go get wet.
How do we choose the source of the mystery item?
Did each person bring a mystery item?
I brought one mystery item for each.
I don't want to do KBs.
We'll do KBs.
Perfect.
KB actually sometimes has good mystery items.
I only have one for, okay, yeah.
Cat and dog food once, though, too.
I also had bag ones.
That was my first day on the act.
All right, so everyone's on the wheel again.
Four spins.
You pick three times, you got to go get wet.
If this is KB, it'll be so funny.
He deserves a trade.
Four trades.
He does deserve a trade.
Four trades.
Roan gets a trade.
Roan? a trait.
Roan?
I don't want to do it, right?
Do I have to do the trait?
Yeah.
I thought you had to hold on to it until we all do it.
I want to hold on to it.
Let's all figure it out. Let's find out who the trait are.
Let's go all four.
No, no, no.
This is the order of the spin.
He's going to bog it down.
Yeah.
I feel like this is bogging it down because now I have to sit and think.
If he doesn't want to, he can keep his items?
He has to do a mystery.
No, he doesn't want to.
He has to do a mystery.
Has to?
Yeah.
Okay, Rome.
Actually, I'll trade with you, Big Cat.
I'll take the marshmallows.
I will fucking kill you.
Let's go.
Fuck yes.
In return, Big Cat gets what?
Mint jelly.
Mint jelly.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No more.
No, no, no.
No more.
No more treats.
How are you feeling?
I'm pretty good now.
I do want cheese.
Jesus Christ.
You didn't even get it.
They didn't even show you.
Stuffing yourself with Mellow.
All right, next spin.
I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go.
I didn't want to trade.
So what did Big Cat get?
Oh, gross.
Fancy ass bunny.
Impressive.
Here's the rest of your marshmallows.
Ew.
No, don't, Ron, don't.
No, don't.
God.
Don't do it, Adam. I can't believe it.
My entire draft just went up poof, just like that.
It really did him. It really did't do it, Adam. I can't believe it. My entire draft just went up poof just like that.
It really did him.
It really did him. It really did.
The marshmallows aren't that good of a pick.
My entire draft around marshmallows.
Trash ass pick.
Weak ass pick.
Honestly, I built a lot around the jelly too.
The marshmallows aren't going to go as well with this as the jelly would have.
You had to do it, huh?
I had to do it.
All right, spin.
God damn it.
Hey.
Oh.
Oh.
Soak.
Soak yourself.
One more and he's got to go get wet.
It's wet.
Just take two of the trays.
Soak.
Take a soak yourself.
Two of the trays?
Yeah.
Brandon, give me your ham.
Oh.
Ham for hot dogs.
Ham for hot dogs.
Rone has two first-round picks on his team.
God damn.
He's got one more to win.
Yeah, golly.
Rone wins again.
Rone's got a super team.
Good-looking ham.
He bought the ham.
It actually does look very good.
What are you?
Oh.
Wait a minute.
That's classy.
Are we allowed to knock?
You've been knocking.
I've been knocking the whole time.
Gosh.
All right.
I'm fucking with you.
All right, here we go.
This is the last one unless it's rum.
Oh.
Oh, mister.
There's four total.
Oh.
All right, good.
Booth. Booth. Mystery items. Brandon, don't. Oh. All right, good. Booth.
Booth.
Mystery items?
Brandon, don't you open up those hot dogs yet.
Booth might get it.
Oh, someone's getting an octopus now.
What is your guys' items?
We have the squid.
We have alka-seltzer.
And we have mayo milk.
Oh, wow.
You guys need to trade.
We're going to trade. You can do a trade. We're gonna trade you can do a mystery
What letters H you boys want honey mustard is H I believe
What's everyone's H's we're gonna trade the squid for the hot dogs
Brandon has mouthwash, tuna, and squid.
Don't worry, dude.
I got Al Javid's and jelly.
Ew, dude.
Ew.
Bring me my fucking squid.
Yeah, bring the man his squid.
Dude, what the fuck were you thinking?
That's a terrible draft, Brandon.
Bring me my fucking squid. Ew, what the fuck were you thinking? That's a terrible draft, Brandon. What the fuck is squid?
All right.
Last one.
Then we're making them.
You have two mystery items still, right?
I don't know.
I can't believe you stole my marshmallows.
No one wants them.
I go great with the ham.
Oh, boo.
Owen.
Owen.
Deserved.
Deserved.
I'll get rid of
Mio for
everyone's M's.
Milk.
Mayo milk.
I'll take the mid-jelly.
Wait, what's your M?
Mixed veggies.
I'll take the mixed veggies.
That's fine with me.
You have a very fruity burger now.
Perfect swap.
All the way.
I didn't want to throw the mixed veggies.
Okay, so we're making them?
Making them.
Let's go through our final.
I'd like to get some cheese, please.
I want some cheese, too.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to go for cheese.
I'm very happy.
Hold on.
So what's the best way for you to do it, Donnie?
Like a few at a time?
Yeah, I have to start chopping some of this shit up.
I'm not doing cheese, so I can give you mine.
I'm not doing cheese.
I'm not doing cheese either.
All right, so start Brandon's.
Brandon, say yours out loud, and then he'll start.
I have mouthwash, albacore tuna, and squid.
Okay.
Brandon.
It was a draft. It wasn't my fault. Sorry, man. I'm so sorry. Thank tuna, and squid. Okay. Brandon. It was a draft.
It wasn't my fault.
Sorry, man.
Thank you, Donnie, for doing this.
I'm actually...
Thank you, Donnie.
I don't think it's going to be all that bad.
Oh, here's you know what?
Should I do a twist?
Twist.
Wrinkle.
Just a wrinkle.
I have a wrinkle if you guys would like to hear it.
I'd like to hear a wrinkle.
We have a mystery item.
Isn't there a mystery item on the wheel for cheese?
Well, no.
I was going to say one bowl, one mixing bowl.
Oh, no way.
No, no, no.
No, we spin to see who actually gets first.
Actually, didn't we do that?
We did that for the smoothie.
We did that for the smoothies.
I was dead last.
I think it's through.
We made Donnie go get extra bowls.
I know, but...
You can put them back.
Yeah, you can put them back.
Yeah, I like it.
Fine.
All right, let's do it.
I want to see the order. One bowl, one bowl. One bowl back. Yeah, I like it. Fine. Let's do it. The order. One bowl.
One bowl. Alright, it's fine. One bowl.
One bowl.
That works. It's funny, right? It is just.
Alright, we'll spin to see the
order. Donnie's not going to waste
items. Don't do the squid yet.
He's chopping. He's chopping squid.
Donnie, so we're going to do one bowl.
Don't waste the items.
Obviously, use only what you're using.
Don't actually try to leave extra there.
It will just be the bowl will be gross by the end.
Yeah, the coating of the bowl.
Yeah, but the coating will stay the same.
All right.
Here, let's get you a trash.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Spin for order of the bowl.
First one.
You're going to cook them all at the same time.
Wait, what is this?
First one.
This first bowl.
First bowl.
Wow.
Booth comes up huge at the end.
Yeah.
For them.
Huge.
So take Booth off.
Not really, though.
They still have fucking muscle mayo.
I think that won't be that bad.
It won't be that bad.
Mayo works with burgers.
What's that? Antacid? What is that? A little deserty burger. Who got't be that bad. Mayo works with burgers. What's that?
Antacid?
What is that?
A little deserty burger.
Who got Alka-Seltzer?
We did.
That's theirs.
Alka-Seltzer, hot dogs, and muscle mayo.
That might not be great.
All right, next one.
Who goes second?
All right, so following that, it's going to taste like chocolate.
Fuck yeah. His ass is second.
He's going to put all his fruit in the bowl.
Oh, it's going to taste so good.
Oh, the applesauce?
Oh, that's going to stay the whole time.
Yeah, it is.
And the Mio.
Love it.
I'm actually liking mine.
Yeah, it's a good-looking burger.
We done boys.
God damn it, they are. Hold up, hold up.
I've had the worst wheel luck. Let's go. Milk damn it, they are. Hold up, hold up. I've had the worst wheel luck.
Let's go.
Milk, honey, and crackers.
Easy burger.
That's a good one.
That's a nice burger, Nick.
Nicky.
Good job.
Those are all just nicknames for white people.
That is.
Oh my God.
Hey, all right.
Mine's mint jelly, Altoids, and coffee.
That will leave a taste.
Not too bad, though.
Just remember who you're after.
I'm running it down.
As long as you're before KB or Brandon, you're good.
That one's not first.
Oh, wait, that one is first.
That one is first.
You have to go in on that one.
Luther, you guys are not doing cheese, correct?
Correct. All right. So Donnie's making. Booth, are you guys doing, you guys are not doing cheese, correct? Correct.
All right.
So Donnie's making.
Oh, no, you're doing cheese?
Of course.
Watch that camera behind you, Donnie.
Here, we can move this.
One final spin or two final spins.
Here we go.
Come on.
Oh, wait.
The two squids are going last.
Yeah.
I got Pirate's Booty, mixed veggies, and honey mustard. You can spin it. It doesn't matter. Not bad. That's good. Actually, a pretty good one. Looking forward going last. Yeah. I got Pirate's Booty, Mixed Veggies, and Honey Mustard.
You can spin it.
It doesn't matter.
Not bad.
That's good.
Actually, a pretty good one.
Looking forward to it.
Yeah.
You like zucchini?
Love.
A lot of zucchini in there.
Love.
All right.
Brandon.
I'm sorry, man.
Once you're past third or fourth, it doesn't matter.
It's like a gang bang.
Right.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter at all.
Cooking order. Booth, Sass, Nick, Big Cat, Roan, Owen, KB, Brandon.
So, we're cooking.
Now what?
Need a knife?
No, cheese, cheese, cheese.
Please, come on.
Yeah, I'd like to go for cheese.
Me too, me too.
All right, who is opting in for cheese?
No wet cheese, no wet cheese, no wet cheese.
Me, KB, and Owen, I think, are the only people daring enough to venture into the future.
By the way, Donnie, you can use the other bowls for once you make the patty.
You can put it in there.
That way you can cook it all at the same time.
Wait, wait, wait.
What is this letter?
That is A and...
Is it apples and spinach or happy baby?
Apples.
Oh, yeah.
I got the cheese.
I'm going to be over here.
I'm going to be a sous chef, whatever it is.
All right, so...
And then your M's, molusca.
Cheese. Who wants cheese? I do. M be over here. I'm going to be a sous chef, whatever it is. All right, so. And then your M's, Mollusca. Cheese.
Who wants cheese?
I do.
Mollusca.
Why did you take that?
So, look at him.
Mollusca is sickening.
Get re-wet.
What?
Where's he going?
He's probably going to heat up in the shower.
He's re-wetting? Where is he going? He's probably going to heat up in the shower. He's re-wetting?
Where is he going?
Red wetting.
Oh, wow.
That's a lot of hot dogs.
Love it.
I guess they're having...
Oh, you're having...
No, no.
You can't just have a ham.
Who else is going to have one burger?
What the fuck was that?
Yeah, well, if I wanted fucking some of Owen's hot dog burgers...
I'm not going to just take his popcorn.
Who wants cheese?
I do.
Yeah, it's KB, Owen, and Roan.
Is that shit built, TJ?
Is that cheese shit built?
Yeah, just straight to the wheel, or do we have to do order?
Should everyone have to do Roan's spin?
Yeah, you might want to get this muscle milk pour.
Ooh.
Okay.
Oh, that's actually not looking that bad.
Did you get mayo?
That's the whole booth.
That's the whole booth. That's the whole booth.
Yeah, the booth.
We'll have enough for the rest of us?
Yeah, it's probably going to be more of a slider.
Everyone else gets one.
All right.
I got it.
I got it.
Oh, God.
Nah, I don't think that looks good at all.
Oh, it doesn't.
You throw the mouthwash in it?
I don't think.
Put his shoes on in case he has to go get Alka-Seltzer.
Kyle, are you going to go without pantska-Seltzer Kyle are you gonna go
Without pants
Shivering
So hard
Knee cheese
The mayo seems to have
Congealed
Yeah
There seems to be lumps
It's a lump
Yeah
There is
That'll be good
That is
The mayo's curdled
Or is it the
Alka-Seltzer pieces
Maybe he's such an imp.
What's he doing?
What a wood nymph.
He is being a nymph-y.
He is being such a nymph.
How's the beef quality?
The beef is good.
Good beef?
Whole foods beef.
You see KB there?
He's buying his mezcal or whatever it's called.
Mollusca. Mollusca.
Mollusca?
His mezcal.
Should we spin these cheese wheels?
Yeah.
Oh, that looks so gross.
Who's next after this?
Who's next?
Me.
Sass.
What are you doing?
We all have our ingredients.
Ron, don't.
No.
Ron, you cannot do that.
Oh.
He'll beat your ass.
He'll beat your ass, bro.
All right, so cheese time.
You infuriated me.
All right, so should everyone have to do one?
Are these the correct options?
I think everyone has to do their own.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So these are options.
So nothing changes.
Owen spins.
Whatever he gets, he gets.
Yeah.
I thought the whole thing was we could opt out of it.
Yeah, yeah.
You can.
You can.
Only us.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Sass is next.
So, Owen, would you like to spin first?
I'm into the spin.
Yes.
I would like to go for the cheese.
So, Ronan, KB, sit down.
Oh, you're putting your wet underwear on.
That says underwear built in. I hope KB just sit down. Oh, you're putting your wet underwear on. That's underwear built in.
I hope KB just gets wet again.
Yeah, why are you putting that on just now?
That's gross.
Bloody.
That's me?
I missed it. What happened?
It doesn't look great.
And those patties don't look good.
The hot dogs mixed in look really gross.
That looks like prison food.
That's what I imagined.
Look at the Alka-Seltzer in there.
Is it fizzing?
Wait, did you get marshmallows in yours?
No, dude.
That's the mayo.
It's the Alka-Seltzer.
The Alka-Seltzer.
Is that foaming up right now?
It does look like it's foaming.
It does.
Oh. You're going to love your foaming. It does. Oh.
You're going to love your marshmallow burger.
I know.
Well, hopefully with a little cheese on it.
Gummy bear one is looking good.
Hopefully with just a taste of cheese.
Are we ready to spin for Owen for cheese?
Are these the correct options?
So here it is.
It's wet.
That means you just get wet.
You don't get cheese.
You get cheese, but you also have to get wet.
Wait, there's an 80% chance of wet?
No.
Yes, there is.
There's four out of five options are wet.
Oh, come on.
Oh, wait, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
No, I'm not going over.
I'm not going to give myself.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
The yellow one was the burger gets wet.
Yeah, the burger gets wet.
You don't have to get wet.
But it gets cheese.
Oh, okay.
I do not want to get wet.
It's worse.
All right, let's take off Chipotle wet.
No, I'll do it. I'll do it. No, just wet. No, no, no. I'm with Owen because it makes me less inclined to do the game of chances. We to get wet. It's worse. All right, let's take off Chipotle wet. No, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'm with Owen because it makes me less inclined to do the game of chances.
We're already wet.
It has to be a good chance.
Why don't you just take off wet?
Just the wet.
Yeah, just take off Chipotle wet.
No, because wet is you don't get the cheese, and that's funny.
Right.
I think the wet burger is the worst one.
So let's just add more.
Why don't you add a couple more cheeses on there?
Yeah, add two more cheeses. All right. Yeah, add two more cheeses. Yeah, a couple more cheeses on there? Yeah, add two more cheeses.
All right.
Yeah, add two more cheeses.
Yeah, a couple more cheeses.
That's right.
Add a mall wheel.
Add one more wet.
Add a mall.
A mollusca.
Add one more wet.
Who's next?
Nick.
Is mine ready?
Ooh, what am I?
Wait, did you put a mollusca back on?
And then take off Chipotle,
because it's doing a zoom and everything right now.
Yeah. Let's just have it be.
So you either get cheese straight up, you get wet straight up, or you get cheese and wet.
Or your burger gets wet.
It's fair, right?
You want my burger?
I want to see.
Does everyone understand?
Yeah, no, that's a great wheel.
Mine looks like it has bugs in it.
Smash those bad boys up.
I got a text from a random number.
Ew!
Heads up if you cook Alka-Seltzer,
it produces positivism hydrogen gas,
which is poisonous.
That's fine.
Who said that?
That's like a fucking tweet.
Uh-oh, we're still doing it.
Wait, but who said that?
A random number texted me.
Can you look up?
Search if you can.
I love how they just all have your number.
They do.
I'm going to hit up KB.
A lot of the fellas have my number.
They text me throughout the act.
It's kind of fun.
I don't mind it.
Yeah, I'm going to hit up KB real quick.
When my number got leaked, people.
I know, but you can die?
No, not a chance.
Yeah, no. Ain't no chance. Fuck yeah, no.
Ain't no way.
Ain't no way.
The people cooking it or the people eating it?
That kind of feels like something that you would only have to know from experience.
Yeah, and so they're alive to say it.
Or like someone they knew who did that.
I would assume they did it.
What, made an Alka-Seltzer burger?
Yeah.
Whoever texted me that, we're doing it, so here's your chance.
Yeah.
Stop me.
I looked it up.
There was nothing.
It didn't say anything directly.
That's going to make my burger great.
Oh.
That milk?
I think it'll make it good.
Yeah.
It has been sitting out a little.
Honey and crackers, like...
It's a burger.
So what?
Ah, it's fine.
It'll be fine.
It'll be better than most of them.
It's going to be the best one.
Yeah, yours is by far the best.
Tuna and mouthwash.
Oh, easy on that.
Honey.
You went heavy on honey.
Take over there.
I like that Donnie has to do it all because it's just whatever he decides.
He's the chef.
What, are you going to argue with the chef?
Spin this wheel.
All right, this is for Owen.
What?
Oof. This is for Owen. What? Oof.
This is for Owen.
What?
Ew.
It's all cheese.
Come on, Owen.
Come on.
Cheese!
There we go.
Well deserved for Owen.
Great job, Owen.
There we go.
A straight up cheese.
Owen has the best burger by a mile.
Yes.
Yes, he does.
Third to last.
But before the squids.
That should be good.
Veggies. And it's going to be full of veggies sticking out. Or I guess he could before the squids. That should be good. Edgies.
And it's going to be full of veggies sticking out.
Or I guess he could chop up the veggies.
You going to chop the veggies, Donnie?
Yeah, I'll chop them up.
How's it looking, Donnie?
Nice and wet.
Yeah.
Do you know whose is who?
Looks good.
This will be nice.
Do you know whose is who?
Yeah, that's booth, that's staff.
Everyone keep an eye on it.
Why does Nick's look like it's just baked beans?
It does look like a pile of baked beans.
Oh, yeah, breaded.
Thanks for the crust, Donnie.
Nicky gets a crust?
My burger's up next.
It's coffee.
Wait, should we have Jerry come in and Jerry style these?
Oh, no.
He's in Atlantic City right now, I wish.
I have coffee, Altoids, cinnamon Altoids, and mint jelly.
That's not bad.
That'd be interesting, yeah.
Wait.
That's not bad.
What does this say?
Yes, for fuck's sake.
My anger isn't at who asked for the question, who answered it.
It's just aspirin.
It's, yeah.
You burp.
Yes.
There's no way.
Fuck that person.
No.
All right.
Who's this for?
This is for Roan's cheese spin.
Oh!
My dog.
That can only lead to one thing for this last spin.
Oh, yeah.
My boy's got some cheese.
Kyle, I want this so bad. Oh, yeah. My boy's got some cheese. Kyle?
I want this so bad.
My boy's done cocaine before.
Look at how he's breaking that up.
That was good.
I've actually seen Donnie do coke.
I think I've done it.
I think I've done coke.
Oh, fuck.
Also crushed pills and snorted them?
What is that?
This dude had a run.
Are you spinning cheese?
I'll get your elbow into fikes.
Please, please.
Just wet.
Just wet.
Please.
Oh!
Oh!
He's in wet, man. He's in wet. Please. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
He's in wet, man.
He's in wet.
You get your cheese, but you have to go get wet.
You have to go get wet.
No.
I don't want the cheese, then.
That was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
It was the risk.
I'll let you spin one more time now that you know.
Yes.
Out of fairness.
What?
That's not fair at all.
Maybe that's the second best one.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I thought that meant the cheese was wet.
No.
That's what I thought.
That would have been wet cheese, man.
You know that would have been wet cheese.
No, I never.
I thought that was the case.
All right.
So do you agree with the wheel?
Show them the wheel.
Show them the wheel.
Okay.
Any questions?
Any questions?
Wet means you just get wet. You get no cheese.
Cheese means you just get cheese. Cheese and wet
means you have to do both. Cheese
wet burger means just the burger gets wet.
I get it now. Now I'll spin it. That's bullshit.
No, no, no.
Because I thought about wet.
The wheel is just.
The wheel is just.
Don't you worry about this.
I'm not worried about it at all.
I'm not worried about it at all.
Wet burger.
That's actually worse.
Way worse.
Should we give him the opportunity to take the first one?
No, let him spin one more time.
But he has to take the final.
Now that you know.
No, I think that you should pick.
You have to take the final if you don't.
No, no, no.
Final, final.
I'll do one more.
All right, one more spin.
You have to take it no matter what. got. No, no, no, no. Final, final. I'll do one more. All right, one more spin. You have to take it no matter what.
Yep.
Oh, brother.
Oh, no.
Hey, baby.
Look at you fucking idiots.
Atta boy.
Atta boy.
Atta boy.
Of course.
All right, one more spin.
One more spin, and this is it.
Double or nothing, two slices of cheese.
Yes.
Yes.
Top and bottom.
Double or nothing, Kyle.
Double or nothing.
Double or nothing.
Two slices of cheese. This is some prison shit. Yes Yes Top and bottom Double or nothing Kyle Double or nothing Double or nothing Extra cheese
Two slices of cheese
This is some prison
Two slices of cheese
Oh my god
He's gonna do it
Dude he did it
Wait a minute
No
Just a wet burger
Hey B
Wait no now he's back to nothing
Yeah he was double or nothing
Now he has one final spin No wet burger. Hey, B. Hey, no. Now he's back to nothing. Yeah, he was double or nothing. Now he has one final spin.
No, wet burger, wet burger.
No, that's nothing.
You went from double or nothing.
You're at nothing.
Oh, fuck.
You have one last spin.
It's the final spin.
But this is it.
But are you opting in?
This is no matter what it is.
This is no matter what it is.
You're doing it.
No.
Okay.
You should have never doubled or nothing.
I'm so glad I did that.
It was still super.
Am I after Big Cat Teejit? No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. I would have never doubled or nothing. I'm glad I did that. It was still smart. Am I after Big Cat, TJ?
No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was.
I would have got a wet burger.
You had just cheese, though, and you doubled or nothing.
Boots, ass, Nick, Big Cat, Roan, Owen.
Roan snacks.
Roan, you're up.
It would taste so much better with two.
My burger's done.
You can see the coffee beans.
That's going to be tough.
So, one more spin?
Yeah, one more spin.
Final.
Final, final, final.
Nothing after this.
Rooting for you, KB.
Attaboy, KB.
Yes.
One cheese.
You could have just asked for two slices originally.
Two slices of cheese.
Double the cheese.
Go for two.
I ain't doubling.
Go for two.
I'll go for four
Okay
I'll put that up
I'll give you that
Quadruple or quadruple
If you get cheese
Then you go to four slices
If you do get anything else
You go back to nothing
Yeah
Four quadruple or nothing
Okay
This could make my burger
If I have four slices of cheese
Atta boy KB
Nothing
Nothing Nothing This is a pretty like No he's just got a if I have four slices of cheese. Atta boy, KB. Just do it. Nothing, nothing.
Nothing.
This is a pretty like...
No, he's just got to...
From the top.
You had it all twice.
I want four slices of cheese.
You're not getting it.
It's just like playing roulette.
All right, go ahead.
Spin it one more.
Oh, no. My boy. Spin it one more. It's war. Oh, no.
My boy.
No, just wait.
You got to go.
You got to go.
Or I'll let you go one more double or nothing.
Six or nothing.
Double or nothing doesn't make sense, though.
It lands on cheese.
I get six slices of cheese.
And if it lands on anything else, you get wet six times.
Oh, the liquid that was just poured out of the bowl.
Fuck it, I'll just go get wet.
No, no, no. One last bit.
I want six. I want four. Four.
Six is over the top, dude.
What are you cutting up right now, Donnie?
Artichoke.
Not terrible.
Alright, let KB spin one last time.
This is it. This is it.
Nothing else. Nothing Take the wet burger.
Nothing else.
Nothing else.
Wet burger.
This is it.
Nothing else.
He did, but he kept on giving.
This is literally it.
There's no more spins.
Whatever it lands on, he gets.
Okay.
I'm rooting for you, KB.
I am too.
I want you to get that.
I mean, it's just a matter of time.
Get it out of the fucking way. Oh, man. you to get that. Just a matter of time.
Oh, man.
Even with his new shorts on.
Why is he having it tucked to the back?
It's so long.
Shoes off.
A little shuffle.
This doesn't look good at all.
Oh, no, it does not. Jesus.
Who is that?
Ew, dude.
Who is this?
Ew, Rone. That's the worst looking one dude. Who is this? Ew, Roan.
That's the worst
looking one yet.
What the hell?
It looks like a raw
fish.
Put so much ham on it.
Quigs combined all of
KB's wets and tweeted
it out.
It's so funny.
He pulled up.
Don't take ham off,
Donnie.
I'm making it even.
Making it even.
That looks gross, Roan.
Did I lose?
No.
Brandon lost.
Oh, did you have marshmallows?
Brandon lost by a fucking mile.
You have marshmallows.
How are those marshmallows going to cook down, Donnie?
They'll just melt right away.
It's going to be like a zone cheese.
Bro, it's going to be great.
That's what I was hoping for texture-wise, that it would be like a cheese.
You have a cheese?
You have a cheese?
I got cheese.
Going next.
The bowl is scary bad right now.
What does the bowl smell like, Donnie? Smell The bowl is scary bad right now. Let's bowl smell like Donnie.
Smell the bowl.
Not actually that bad.
It smells like pickle juice now from the artichoke.
Okay.
These are going to be good burgers, boys.
I love burgers.
When you cut it up.
Yeah, it smells like scrawfish.
This has got to be our best draft.
Yes.
Burgers is like a treat for me whenever I get to have a burger.
I don't have them too often,
but they're one of my very favorite foods.
Why not?
I just love them,
but I know they're a little bit unhealthy.
A little bit.
Oh.
A little bit.
It's okay.
You're a pussy.
I am, though.
I might get double burger.
I might burger again tonight.
Yeah, just a...
There he goes.
Kyle.
Kyle, you look hench, bro.
I'm going to say right now,
Kyle gets cheese.
You look well hench, my bro. Let's get Kyle a slice. Don't, bro. I'm going to say right now Kyle gets cheese. You look well hench, my bro.
Let's get Kyle a slice.
I want Kyle to get four slices of cheese.
Actually, you should have to spin for it.
No.
Kyle.
How many times have you had a slice of cheese from a boy?
Six.
Oh, something reeks.
Yeah, what is that?
The vegetables?
The veggies?
Oh, no.
Ron, rancid veggies?
Ron, are those leftover veggies? Are those leftover veggies? Are, the vegetables. Oh, no. Roan, rancid veggies? Roan, were those leftover veggies?
Did you say that, pet veggies?
No.
I had those from my boys across the street.
Yeah.
You got stinky smellers?
It's family over there.
They were under the...
It's Tass's family.
Really?
They were like under the lights.
I love those guys.
KB, you can change.
KB can change.
He might get wet again.
No cheese, though.
Ooh, a nice crust.
We should do one last... Right before we finish, one person has to go get wet.
No way.
Baby.
That was the hardest I've ever laughed.
So funny.
There's always one moment.
Those veggies smell really bad.
Honey mustard doesn't smell great either.
Oh, Owen.
I'm sorry, man.
That one's going to be bad?
I thought you were the winner, Owen. I'm sorry, man. That one's going to be bad? I thought you were the winner, Owen.
I really did.
Oh, maybe it's a mix.
I bet it's the pirate's booty, too.
I don't like the sound.
Oh.
Please subscribe.
Tell everyone to subscribe.
By the way, I'm just going to declare something.
I think even if we don't get to 100,000 by July 4th, I think we should have a case race.
For July 4th?
No, we won't run it on July 4th, but the week of maybe.
So please subscribe so that we can do another one.
It would be nice.
Definitely down for that.
We're at 78.9 right now.
So we're going to do it regardless.
So that's even more like, hey.
Oh, no.
Show the screen.
Flashbacks to Vantov.
That's yours?
No, that's KB's.
He was seventh.
I'm eighth.
KB's muskalo.
Yeah, stop the burger in there.
How did he do this?
It actually will be better than.
Oh, no.
No.
What is KP wearing?
Who did he just shoulder check?
Take a look at your burger, brother.
And help, brother.
Rough night.
We got to figure out who we want on our July 4th case race.
It'll be the week of, we'll release it.
We're off that week.
So we should do it the week before.
We'll shoot it the week before.
Yeah.
Should we all be paired with, like, somebody bigger than us?
Celebrity?
Yeah.
That would be a lot of people, though.
Yeah, that would be a lot of people.
We've got to add, like, one or two.
It's got to be big.
It would be, like, 16 people.
Promise Gillis, right?
Yeah, Gillis.
I would love for Gillis.
Let's just do – I think we should just do Gillis.
Mangold's got to do it, too.
Wait, is that Kyle's burger?
Look at his burger.
We do an end of the summer case race with Mangled?
Oh, no.
Oh, look at that, Kyle.
Kyle, you lost so hard.
You're an idiot.
You're the dumbest person I've ever fucking seen in my life, dude.
In my head, this is going to be someone else's fate.
You picked it.
You picked it.
AB, that's like, is that even edible?
I was fucking pissed when I revealed the mollusca, and I wanted to, felt bad.
AB could not have lost worse today.
It's like a stuffed shell.
It actually is a stuffed shell.
Oh, fuck.
It's not going to be cooked.
Is this the last one?
What do you mean?
You can't cook that that easily.
You've got to strategically cook that.
Yeah, put it on the grill right now.
It'll just char the hell out of it, put it on the grill right now.
Char the hell out of it.
Put that on the grill right now.
It needs to start.
Look at his hat.
Oh, there we go.
Eat yourself, Donnie.
Make a real one as good as you can. Maybe I'll take a little bite.
Brandon, so what do you got here?
Tuna, burger, squash, squid.
That's going to be low-key terrible.
So bad.
I don't think it's going to be that low-key.
I don't think this one's...
I think KB's is much worse.
Yes, KB's is much worse.
No shit, dude.
I think Rhodes is worse.
KB's is stuffed in an octopus shell.
Mine's not going to be bad.
It just looks funny.
He's eating burger inside an octopus brain.
That was very good.
No way.
Get the fuck out of here.
I would not lie about that.
Oh, Donnie just threw up.
Oh, Donnie can't even.
Threw up?
Donnie can't even.
I also have the tuna.
I have the last one in the bowl.
You have tuna, mouthwash.
Julie with the brain cam.
Damn.
That looks dope.
It looks dope.
It looks really good.
Oh, my God.
It looks like food that no one's ever eaten before.
You go to an Asian restaurant.
It looks like a heart.
One of one.
What is Fistuli doing? How is he getting these angles? I've never eaten this before. You go to an Asian restaurant. It looks like a heart. One of one.
It looks like he's eating it.
What is Vastuli doing?
How is he getting these angles?
How is it like changing angles?
He's eating a prolapsed asshole.
Yeah, you're eating it.
Dude, that's so gross.
Hey, V.
Dude, and you know that first bite, he's not going to be able to get through. Oh, I can smell.
Oh, my God.
That smells so good.
All right, Brandon, you're going to help Donnie?
Salt him up a little bit.
Get a little salt on those things.
Seal it in.
Don't be shy with the salt.
Don't be too liberal with it.
Actually, I would like to be a little.
Maybe throw some sugar on mine.
Yeah.
Mine's a sugary snack.
I'll stay out there and help you.
This is Owens.
This is Rowan.
Brandon's dying to be the Rowan master right now.
That's mine.
Yeah, the coffee beans.
Coffee beans.
Mine's the crusty one.
Dude, it looks like a nut.
It looks like a testicle.
Why did you wrap it in the octopus?
Dude, it's literally the head of the squid.
That shit looks fucking extraterrestrial.
That meat inside is going to be raw.
Oh, my God. Oh my god.
Mine looks fire.
Yours kind of does.
Good thing no one's in the office on Fridays.
Or Thursdays or Wednesdays.
Yeah.
If anyone walked in right now, I was like, what is this?
I am getting like a pleasant aroma.
No, that's the... I'm getting a decent aroma
I don't know what that is
Mad decent aroma?
Okay that's
Diplo
Oh fuck that's Brandon's
How is he getting these?
What a neck of a soul
It's just his phone
Yeah it looks beautiful
Maybe Dave was right
Oh the ham Maybe Dave was right.
Oh, the ham.
But look at those marshmallows.
The ham's not that bad.
Oh, the marshmallows look good.
What's the one to the left of the ham?
I think that might be mine. That looks like a human brain.
What is that one?
Look at that.
Is that mine?
Kyle's eating a baseball mitt.
Kyle, dude.
Inside is not going to fucking cook.
Oh, my God.
Inside is not going to cook at all.
Hey, I think that's mine, the one that looks like the brain.
It was.
Yeah, because mine.
It's the melted gummy bears, dude.
Black.
Yours looks like a brain.
Why is mine black?
Wait, who's the one that looks like refried beans?
That might be mine because that's coffee.
Right?
Yeah, the coffee.
Mine had the gummy bears sticking out.
Yeah, that was gummy bears on it.
Oh, maybe yours was, yeah.
Unless that's mine.
Fucking fuck that up with butter.
No, no, that's yours, big cat.
Oh, over there?
No, mine's the one that's about to go on right now.
You sure?
Yeah.
Listen to that sizzle.
Oh, yeah.
That's my dog.
Close to the octopus.
Mine looks terrible.
I don't want mine to even octopus. Way too close.
Mine looks terrible.
I don't want mine to even be in the same. Don't even talk about looking terrible.
Whose veggies are there?
Oh, my God.
Just keep looking back at his burger.
I need eyes on KB's.
I need eyes on KB's the whole time.
Oh, yeah, we have to sizzle. Okay, that's hot dog and Alka-Seltzer. I mean, I saw KBs the whole time.
Oh, yeah, we have to sizzle.
Okay, that's Hot Dog and Alka-Seltzer.
That's Owens.
That's mine.
That just looks like the best.
Whose is this?
That's Kyle's.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
I think that's mine in the back. Big Cat, yours is really old.
Big Cat, yours looks really bad.
Really bad.
Who had the milk?
Yeah,
mine had milk.
Did the milk spill out?
No,
that's butter.
Oh,
no,
that's mine.
That's expensive butter,
too.
I think that Sasson
just looked at KB's.
It doesn't look
like KB's.
Of this earth.
It looks like a heart,
dude.
How are you going to make sure that KB's cook's all the way through, Donnie?
How are you going to make sure that Shanner's cook?
He wouldn't fuck me over.
Did you feel it?
Did you touch it?
Who got cheese?
Kyle did not.
Kyle got cheese.
Oh, no.
We said we were going to give Kyle cheese, though.
We're going to give Kyle one slice.
Throw a slice of cheese on top of it.
No, he needs a couple slices.
Give the boy four.
No, I didn't earn the cheese.
No, Kyle, we're giving you cheese.
You're eating all of it.
Oh.
You think one slice of cheese is going to help that?
Holy shit.
Wait, did we figure out, is that thing growing?
Holy shit.
Is it growing out?
I don't know.
It's so vile.
It's like a stuffed turkey.
That's a prolapsed aiden. That's so vile. It's like a stuffed turkey. That's a prolapsed aida.
That's so vile.
Oh, dude.
I think it's actively coming out of it.
It's so gross.
How is it coming out?
I don't know.
It's growing.
Oh, dude.
I got to go see this.
Not for me, man.
I'll pass on that one, brother.
Oh, it looks like Anna Wintour.
I think we have to do one more spin.
No.
What?
See who has to take one bite of Kyle's along with him.
Yes, yes.
That first bite that's coming out of the asshole.
I think we have to have someone else try it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck it.
Fuck.
Fuck.
KV's burger has a direct stream of liquid going into my burger.
I look down.
You're downstream on him.
I can't even look at that.
I'd rather just eat it.
It's so gross.
I know.
It's so bad.
I just poked it with my hand.
It's not hard.
It's super soft.
He's buttering it up. It's going to help I just poked it with my hand. It's not hard. It's super soft. He's buttering it up.
That's going to help.
Where's Zobin?
I miss him.
Yeah, where is he?
Oh, he's doing his last set, I think.
Oh, that's bad.
I would love this draft.
He would.
I would probably be like, oh, we eat that.
Yeah.
Oh, look at the mess the grill is right now.
Okay.
You guys down to do that?
One last spin to see who has to take a bite of KB's as well.
We all might need to take a bite of that.
Wait, flip it again, Donnie.
There has to be one other person who has to take a bite of it.
Spin for one other person?
One person.
What about Kate?
I saw she's down there.
Yeah.
She's been getting...
What if we all have someone to be like, hey, want to be on the act?
Is my burger being flipped?
Oh!
What was in yours, Big Head?
Coffee, mint, jelly, and Altoids.
Why is yours like...
Why does it have no consistency?
I don't know.
I think the coffee beans threw everything off.
Mint jelly like won't.
Oh, there's mine getting...
Oh, he's making smash burgers.
Oh, don't eat the dog.
I'm so happy we have Donnie here.
Don't speed it up too much.
Mine's fine.
Slow and low, Donnie.
Take them easy.
Slow and low, brother.
If these are bad...
Why is Owen's fucking massive?
Holy shit.
Owen's taking up half the grill.
Yeah, that's a...
Okay, the marshmallows
aren't really melting.
Oh, it's huge.
Don't even show mine again.
Let's go over to Kyle's.
I can't even look at it.
Oh, he pressed.
Dude.
It looks like Pac-Man, but like it's...
I wish it looked like Pac-Man.
Oh, no.
Dude, why does it have lips?
It does.
One of the lips came out in the heat.
It has...
That's a fucking...
That's a fucking...
Those actually might be real lips.
Yeah.
It's the head.
Has anyone ever eaten this?
Is this actually an edible thing?
Yeah, for sure.
They sold it at the food store.
He was laughing.
I was smirking.
Oh, fuck.
It sort of looks like a kidney.
It looks like a baked potato at first glance.
That's a good angle because it looks like a potato.
It looks like an alien. The innards look like a potato. It looks like a baked potato at first glance. That's a good angle because it looks like a potato.
It looks like an alien.
The innards look like a potato.
Not only does it have an octopus head,
the innards are the most disgusting as well.
It's throwing up.
It looks like it's actively throwing up the food inside of it.
What else is in that?
What's the yellow stuff?
Cheeses.
Hot and spicy cheeses.
Kyle, what was your third ingredient?
Fucking baby food.
You chose that with a lot of things back. Apple and spinach.
No, I think it might be all right.
Oh, no.
You get what you get.
You don't get upset, you know?
Okay, there goes yours.
Oh, it's pitch black.
Yours is more of a slop. Dude, yours looks like dirt. I don't know what's going to upset, you know? Okay, there goes yours. Oh, it's pitch black. Yours is more of a slop.
Dude, yours looks like dirt.
I don't know what's going on with my burgers.
You should have got cheese, dude.
You should have risked cheese.
Yours is heavily malfunctioning.
Shit.
This burger's out of order.
Maybe it's not going to cook.
It's not going to, there's no way that.
Mine looks like fried chicken.
Why yours doesn't look like.
Oh.
All right, all right.
I was like a steak
That other one
Do we have ketchup?
No we can't use ketchup
No ketchup
Raw dog in these
You can get a mystery condiment
No
I think we gotta just
Really taste
Taste the burger
That looks like
Home fries
I thought it was
This looks like a
Denny's hash brown
Uh oh Oh no Keep that shit away From mom No he's hash brown. Get trashed with this.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
Now keep that shit away from mom.
No, no.
He's going for the hotter. All right, all right.
What do you mean, all right?
It's a lot better now.
No, it doesn't.
That looks like a long mess.
Oh, nothing inside's cooking.
Oh, yeah, it doesn't look too bad.
It doesn't look bad.
It looks better.
That doesn't look too bad.
What if it's just, like, the best thing you've ever had?
You can't ever have a burger that's not stuffed into a squid head ever again.
Like that episode of Always Sunny where Frank tells them they're eating human flesh.
Or should we spin the wheel and see who eats?
Yeah, someone has to take one bite with KB.
This is about to be a lot less funny for me.
Elimination wheel.
Elimination wheel.
Yeah, elimination wheel.
Because we're killing time until the burgers are ready.
Of course.
Of course.
I'm actually working up a nice appetite right now.
Yeah, I'm hungry.
Elimination wheel also.
Might eat my whole thing.
Most fun I had in a long time.
I'll never lose elimination wheel.
So you don't get wrong meat.
Is Teej back there?
Young Teej?
Yeah, I'm separating the booth into individual people for the wheel.
Oh, love it.
All right, elimination wheel.
Elimination wheel.
Just get through it.
What if it's KP?
He has to eat the whole thing.
Or he can get wet.
Look!
You deserve that.
You deserve a really good wheel lock.
I mean, I got squid in mine already.
Again, elimination wheel, you don't have to worry about it.
The wheel is just...
I wasn't worried about it until there were two people left,
and I got swirled.
Swirled, yeah.
Let's fucking go.
Nice. It's fucking go. Nice.
It's funny again.
So we agree that KB, if it lands on KB,
he has to either finish the whole thing
or he can go get wet again.
Very fair.
You just get wet again, right?
Yeah.
Oh, look at that.
Hey, look, lucky dog. Somebody's taking a bite of the... Yes. Oh, look at that. Hey, look, lucky dog.
I'm just guaranteeing somebody's taking a bite of this.
Yes.
Oh, boy.
Still not worried.
Yes, I am.
I just owe that to the dude.
Dude, there's so many games left.
Don't even have to worry.
That's a full show.
Fine.
Look, Nick.
Told you.
Tell me what.
Oh. Oh, with the defense. D, Nick. Told you. Tell me what. Oh, with the defense.
D.O.
That was a bad sign for me.
I'm not worried still.
I'll tell you when to get worried.
All right, tell me when.
Bam, told you, buddy.
You should be worried.
Oh, still not.
You should be shaken.
I don't like your odds. I need a fasoli bite. I need a you, buddy. You should be worried. Oh, still not. You should be shaken. I don't like your odds.
I need a Fasoli bite.
I need a Fasoli bite.
I'll tell you when I'm worried.
I need a Che bite.
I'll tell you when I'm worried.
I want Fasoli to...
Are you nervous back there?
I probably would like it.
I want Che to bite.
DJ safe.
Still not worried.
Well, you kind of should be.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm 25% worried.
There's no chance this lands on me.
I'd rather do this than get swirled.
I'd rather do this than get a fucking hanging wedgie.
Yeah, I'm not worried.
But you're still on the table.
None of those things are.
It's not either or.
I'd rather see Seth's amongst it.
I'm not saying they're a worse wheel.
Yeah.
If we're having to pick.
I'm a little curious.
Plus, there's going to be cheese on it, right?
The bra's fine.
You can keep the bra on.
Jesus Christ. I hate curious. Plus, there's going to be cheese on it, right? Bra's fine. You can keep the bra on. Jesus Christ.
I hate that.
Yeah, that's fair.
Out of all your complaints, that's a fair one.
Yeah.
Can't go to the store for that one.
Still not worried.
Boom.
Nope.
Boom.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Still not worried.
Still not worried.
You can't be worried.
Still not worried.
Still not worried.
Oh, I'm fine. You can't be worried. Not worried. Not worried. Oh, I'm fine.
You can't be like all three of these picks.
It says Che written all over it.
It does.
It says Che written all over it.
I don't even think Fasoli knows he's on this wheel.
No, he doesn't.
I can't.
No, I do want to.
It says Che written all over it.
He's giving the thumbs up.
Still not worried.
I'm just checking the plugs.
Uh-oh.
Fuck.
Oh, no.
Fasoli games.
Still not worried.
You're not worried? Not worried. Not worried. Not worried at all? Uh-uh. Fuck. Oh, no. Facility Games. I'm not worried. You're not worried?
Not worried.
Not worried.
Not worried at all?
Uh-uh.
Best of seven?
Lost power on the grills.
Let's just go one spin.
You want to go one spin?
One spin.
Whoever's left is the one who has to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not worried.
Stay elimination.
I'm not worried.
So you don't want your name?
No, you want your name.
AB's exploded.
Be called.
You want it to land on your name. Yeah, it's eliminated. Oh, so now we're switching it. What? It's been eliminated. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, you're right want your name. No, you want your name. AB's exploded. Be called. You want it to land on your name.
Yeah, it's eliminated.
Oh, so now we're switching it.
What?
It's been eliminated.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, you're right.
All right.
Still not worried because Steven doesn't even...
Brandon's getting out there.
All right, let me take a look at these things.
Steven doesn't even understand how this works.
Brandon's definitely doing the tongs.
Still not worried.
Go ahead, spin it.
Still not worried.
Got this.
Backseat barbecue.
Yeah. Still not worried. No. Got this. Backseat barbecuer. Yeah.
Still not worried.
Told you.
I've been worried.
J-Bite.
I've never worried.
J-Bite.
Never.
I'll easily take this as a wheel punishment.
What?
For future wheel greats because the wheel is just.
That's not how it works.
I think you're underestimating me.
So what did KB do to deserve eight showers?
Right before, we have a clip of him saying, like, making fun of the greedy.
Can we play that clip of Kyle showers?
Yeah.
Oh, Donnie just burnt himself.
Did we lose power?
Yeah.
For a second.
I hear him sizzling.
KB's burger just bit Donnie.
Get alone
Came back to life
He came back to life
I took a breath
It stood up
Alright
Where am I?
One last breath
So if yours is ready
You should
Yeah I'll eat it
Write it on camera
I'll eat it I'll tell you
Yeah bring it to me I'll eat it. I'll tell you. Yeah, bring it to me.
I'll eat it.
I'll tell you.
So yours was?
Coffee, mint jelly, Altoids.
Yours is like dog food.
Yeah, mine's not going to be good.
Not dog food.
It's not going to be edible.
No, it's not bad, but it looks like dog food.
Here's Kyle talking shit.
It's a gluttony rule.
You're a glutton.
Okay.
You want four ingredients?
Go get one.
Yeah, right.
Hey, no, That's not talking shit
No
He came up with the rule
It was I was asking for it
I was asking for it
Glad we took this
Oh no
Oh fuck
Oh that's good
Wait
Is that edited at all
Or is your head that size
Alright
Were you in the woods
Are your shoulders that big
In real life, bro?
That's not edited.
That looks good.
Yours is pitch black.
That shit does not look bad.
That looks good.
Just queue up what it is.
Mint jelly.
Coffee beans.
Maybe bad.
Altoids. Cinnamon altoids.
That's going to be nice.
I can see a little Portland food truck serving something like that.
Structural integrity.
What are our thoughts right off the bat?
You taste the Altoid?
What do you think?
Overpowering mint.
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
I would have guessed bean.
Altoids are curiously strong.
And then the beans and the altoids are like, it's basically a burger, a mint burger with teeth inside.
That's the house.
Imagine like a waiter telling you that at the table.
So, okay.
You're just biting like hard things that haven't broken up.
Mine smells like a Christmas cookie.
Yeah, the coffee beans.
Yours is like caramelized.
Yeah.
Che, I can't get over you saying that this is a good yak or this is a good wheel punishment.
I think this is the worst thing we've ever done.
We had a man get swirled earlier this week.
Yeah, and it was the worst thing ever.
What's the second worst thing behind eating the squid head that you would have had to do?
Hanging wedgie?
We haven't done that yet.
I know, I'm just saying.
You're not ruling out all of these.
Today, this is one of the worst ones we've ever...
Yeah, I guess...
No, no, no.
Go one at a time.
One at a time.
Next turn, what do you got?
I have a milk, honey, and cracker.
It tastes like a Christmas cookie, or smells like.
Okay.
Brandon, how's yours smelling?
Nice and minty fresh?
Don't bite it yet, Brandon.
Okay, Nick's going in.
Let me get a whiff.
Let me get a whiff.
Let me whiff it.
Nicky.
What do we got, Nick?
It's kind of sloppy.
Okay.
It's not bad, but it's not good at all.
I kind of want to taste every one.
Same.
Can I get a bite of yours?
Of course.
Yeah, I don't like this.
That's the smallest bite of anything I've ever seen.
What's in the mint jelly?
Because I think it's something that didn't break up.
You notice the hard things that you bite?
It's probably the coffee beans.
Or the Altoids.
Might be the coffee beans because he broke up the Altoids.
Yeah, I don't think the coffee beans all broke up.
Coffee beans and the mint jelly have like...
Tastes like Christmas at an Indian household.
Isn't it?
Was I right when I said it's a mint burger with teeth inside?
Uncelebrated?
Tastes like any other day.
I'll booth. Yeah, there's like chunks. There's like any other day. Oh, Booth.
Yeah, there's like chunks.
There's like the teeth thing.
Anybody want to try the...
I'm taking a bite of squid, tuna, and mouthwash.
That's going to be bad.
That's going to be horribly bad.
Squid, tuna, and mouthwash burger.
Nick, I'll try yours.
Pass it down to Nick.
What's on yours, Nick?
Yeah, it's milk, honey, and crackers.
Brandon's struggling.
That's horrible, dude.
You have to have three bites, Brandon.
Oh, no.
Brandon, you have to have three bites.
You took the biggest first bite.
You have to have three bites.
He only knows how to eat a burger one way.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, no.
Nick's burger. This is good. What is in Nick's burger
This is good
What is in Nick's?
Honey, milk, and cracker
Whose is that?
Did well
Oh, I want to try Roan's for the Marshalls
That would be
Mine would be great
It tastes incredible
Yeah, good burger
The cheese makes it look really good
That tastes like a cat to Christmas
The consistency is bad, Nick
But the burger's good
The taste isn't bad, yeah
What is in yours, Nick?
Milk and honey and some crackers.
McGriddle-ish.
Give us a description.
It's a syrupy pink.
It's nothing but tuna and squid.
Smell it.
The squid didn't cook.
It's chunky.
Wait, you don't taste the mouthwash?
I'm going to need that clip.
It's all tuna and squid.
You don't taste any mouthwash?
No mouthwash at all. It's all tuna and squid. You don't taste any mouthwash? No mouthwash at all.
It's all tuna and squid.
That's a damn shame.
The mouthwash must have fried.
So you got one bite down.
You got two more to go.
Get the alcohol off.
Get your bites, Brandon.
I want to try mine.
I'm going to need a bite of yours, Rome, because you have the marshmallows.
Rome, what's in yours?
Marshmallows, artichoke, and ham.
I'm going to throw these out.
That's not bad.
Does anybody want to try mine one more time?
This is good. I would order it. I want to keep a clean palate and ham. I'm going to throw these out. That's not bad. Does anybody want to try mine one more time? This is good.
I would order it.
I want to keep a clean palate for mine.
Not bad now.
Brandon?
Herb bite?
Herb bite.
He's eating it like a burger commercial.
You won't finish it.
If you finish it, here, I'm going to say something real quick.
If you finish it.
If you finish it.
Is that mine?
If you finish it, I will do everything in my power to get Rasslin back.
Why wouldn't you do that anyway?
That's fair.
Nah, you got to do something gross first.
I have no power.
I'm not trying that.
KB's came a long way.
He's kind of like a sausage now.
What's in yours, Roan? Wait, Roan a sausage now. What's in yours, Roan?
Wait, Roan's trying his.
Let's try his.
What's in it, Roan?
Say it.
Ham, artichoke, and marshmallows.
How are the marshmallows?
Can we get an angle on the inner part of KB's?
This is going to be a horrible bite, so thick.
Wait, wait, wait.
We got to like, hold on.
Let Roan.
Yeah, one at a time.
Let Roan explain his before we get into KB's.
Good?
It's fine.
It's just like a normal burger.
Nick's is better.
Let me try.
Marshmallow's good?
Take a bite of mine.
You got to go last.
I just want some marshmallows.
Taste the marshmallows.
At least one person.
That's the worst part.
Not enough marshmallows.
They kept one of those marshmallows so bad.
Oh, never mind.
Never mind.
Never mind.
Oh, it's not bad.
You started puking as you handed it to me for a bite.
What are you doing?
Sass's burger.
Sass.
Let's finish with Kyle.
So everyone try their burger and then we'll do kyle's
toasted toasted bun oh no that was a bad burp a burp came from like your ankle
guys gummy worms might have been us wait don't finish't finish it, Brandon. I can't save Rasslin. No one can.
Holy shit.
That's so mean.
What?
What, Zass?
The gummy bears smell terrible.
Oh.
You can't.
Oh, fuck you.
Oh.
I'm a fucking dick, Zass.
He's got nothing but squid and tuna?
I'm a fucking dick.
Brandon's eating tuna and squid, and Zass is like, these gummy bears or kind of. Brandon, you want to try mine?
Try the ham?
I'm going to have mine.
Booth is eating.
Booth is eating.
Oh, Booth is eating.
Booth?
Oh, yeah, Booth.
Tell us what's in it.
Really good.
Of course.
It's Alka-Seltzer, mayo milk, and hot dogs.
And hot dogs.
Really good.
Sort of our most ambitious draft.
Yeah, and we pulled it off, I think.
Sass? Just throw it out, Brandon. I want somebody Sort of our most ambitious draft. Yeah, and we pulled it off, I think. Sass?
Just throw it out, Brandon.
I want somebody to take a bite.
No.
Oh, I will.
Guys, this might be one of the better burgers I've had.
No, I'm dead serious.
Wait, it's good?
It's really good.
Well, we're all just starving, I think.
Yeah.
All of the ones I've tried taste pretty good.
But your ingredients, Sass.
I got applesauce, gummy bears, and...
Fuck, what was my third?
Pizza or...
Something else that's sweet.
Honey mustard?
No.
Donnie, do you remember what my third one was?
Oh, Dio.
Dio.
You guys gotta try it.
It's good.
I don't believe you at all.
Dead serious.
It tastes.
Take your three bites first.
Who did that?
Who got someone with that?
KB got some. KB got me.
Yeah, KB got Ron being like, this is so good.
It's not bad at all.
Yeah.
Okay, and then Owen, yours?
That looks bad.
Then we'll finish with.
Mixed vegetables.
I don't even remember.
Okay. That's pretty good.
This is really good.
Honey mustard, mixed vegetables, and something else.
Yes, something else.
I want to taste that.
Pirate's booty.
Pirate's booty.
That's probably pretty good.
All right, so last but certainly not least.
It's very good.
Try Sass's first.
We'll finish with KB's.
Everyone, thank you for tuning in.
Please subscribe.
Thank you, Chef Donnie.
I want to say thank you to the Yak fans, too.
I think I was looking up last night.
I think, like, in the last two weeks combined, we're close to a million views.
Hell yeah.
It's adding it up.
With today's show, it will be like 950,000.
Sass's is good.
Hey, Kat, try mine.
Try mine.
It's like a burger with jam.
Oh, sorry.
You dick.
That's right.
It is fruity.
The cheese really plays.
Yeah, that's good.
Owen, a little fruity burger.
Mine's very good.
Is it?
Yeah, order this.
Ours is actually also good.
I don't know what we did correctly here.
Who got gummy bears?
That's me.
Gummy bears works.
The worst is Brandon so far, gotta be.
I mean, Kyle's is.
That's my makeup to me.
Can we get an angle on KB's?
It's so thick.
Sully, maybe you can come in here and we can get a close-up.
It's going to zoom in.
It's going to be an awful bite.
The meat's just going to squirt down your throat.
Show it.
Show it.
No, it's going to expel the organ.
Peel the bun.
Oh, God.
Lips didn't cook.
Lips.
Oh.
Yeah, the lips.
Never do.
Those are some big-ass pussy lips.
I don't think mine was actually that good.
Honey, is this an edible part of the octopus?
Yours wasn't that good.
Nick's was the best.
Nick's was by far the best.
Usually just the legs.
Dude, the lips.
I can't get over the lips.
You have to eat lips first, I guess.
I think that's probably where it's at.
No, no, no.
Quite literally pussy lips.
Watch. I think that's probably where it's at. No, no, no. Quite literally pussy lips.
Oh, it snapped.
It snapped.
It snapped.
Oh!
He can't.
He can't.
Don't eat that.
No.
He said don't eat it.
He said don't eat it.
It's cooked through.
All right, all right.
He can eat it.
He can eat it.
And you eat octopus head?
He's never seen anyone do it.
He's peaking.
Steven, I didn't get a bite. Shay, what are you doing?
Steven, come get your bite.
Come get your bite.
Oh, yeah, you have to come get your bite, Steve.
You have to get your bite, Steven.
Steven, get your bite, Steve.
Yeah, you know what?
You got to take two bites out of Brandon.
I need punishment.
Brandon.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, he's going to puke.
Steven, come get your bite.
He's running back.
He's in his rough night hoodie.
I'm going to puke, too.
Oh, I hope somebody's in there.
I almost puked just now.
Okay, you want to try this?
It's very good.
No, I'm done.
Oh, he's pissed off.
Oh.
Oh.
Tune in, Squid.
Dude, that was so fucking gross.
What a bad day for Kyle.
Such a bad day.
He thought yesterday he took an L.
How is it, Steven?
How is that pretty good?
This guy is unflappable.
It releases into your mouth.
It's shocking.
Oh, he likes it.
Very good.
Try Kyle's then.
Try Kyle's out of the trash.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, but it was a spit from the actual food.
It's still the food.
All right.
What else we got?
Anything?
I don't think so.
I think that was a great show.
Great fucking draft.
Hadn't been, what, six months since we drafted?
We got to do it again.
What was the last one we did?
Tommy Walker.
Smoothie.
Or the LA draft.
Which that wasn't food.
Still got to do PB&J.
Yeah.
So.
That was a good one, though.
I liked having, like, the binding agent of the beef. Yeah. So. That was a good one, though. I liked having, like, the binding agent of the beef.
Yeah.
Yes.
Maybe PB&J will have, like.
A little humane.
How about omelets or something?
Ooh.
Yeah, with the egg.
EGG?
EGG.
Ooh.
The omelets?
Yep.
Can we buy, actually, can we buy, like, a casing machine?
Oh, make sausages? Oh, make sausages. Yeah. Can you like a casing machine? Oh, make sausages.
Can you buy a casing machine?
Oh, that would be awesome.
I'll buy it.
How much is it?
I don't know.
I think it's a non-industrial one probably for $100.
Oh, let's do that.
We'll make sausages.
See how the sausage is made.
Just get an industrial one.
All right.
Puke Kyle.
AB, any last words?
Yeah, no.
I mean, pussy move.
No.
I don't think so, dude.
I think you were the hero.
I saw you pulling it from the burger bun.
This was an MVP performance.
Did you swallow it?
And then mid-bite, Donnie's yelling, don't eat that.
It's like, I've never seen anyone do that.
Don't eat that.
Donnie sounded genuinely worried.
Don't eat that.
All right.
Thanks, everyone, for tuning in.
Please subscribe.
Everyone's here Monday, right?
Yep.
Everyone's here Monday.
Real quick, shout out to Chef Donnie.
Shout out Chef Donnie.
Chef Donnie, you made this show.
We wouldn't have been able to do it.
We would have been a disaster.
That wouldn't happen.
Thank you to Donnie.
Everyone go watch Donnie's stuff.
Go check him out.
He's the best.
All right. Everyone go watch Donnie's stuff. Go check him out. He's the best. All right.
Everyone have a good weekend.
We'll see you next time.
Bye-bye. Please subscribe.
Thousand away from high Frank.
Have a good weekend.