The Yak - It's Yak Calendar Picture Day | The Yak 10-25-22
Episode Date: October 25, 2022Rash KetchumYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
It's the Yak. We's the act. It's the act.
We're here.
The boys.
Big Cat's out.
Owen's out.
Where's Kate?
He's out for ten minutes interviewing someone.
Owen's here, right?
Owen's got to be here somewhere.
Somewhere.
In spirit, I think.
Where's Kate?
I don't know.
Fucking gas station producer, man.
I'll tell you what.
So we got to do costumes.
How are we doing this?
I guess we should go just in order of month.
I guess January should go get dressed and come back in.
Where are we doing it?
Green screen room.
Green screen room.
We only have one hour.
What's your costume, Kyle?
I don't know.
I forget.
Oh, there's that bitch.
I'm Jesus, but I don't know.
No, it's on this list right here.
Oh.
So you're Jesus Christ on a casting couch, but I don't know if there's a Jesus costume back there.
Probably just a loincloth.
Maybe a crown of thorns.
Jesus wore oversized vintage tees.
Standard sack.
No, I'm taking the shirt off for sure.
Yeah.
Jesus was a Marshalls guy, wasn't he?
Yeah, he went to Ross.
He went to Ross.
You said, Kyle, you told me earlier
you're concerned about the way he posed
during the crucifixion.
Your arms don't look good.
They don't accentuate the muscles in the...
So you want to get crucified like...
It's kind of like a fat guy pose.
Like whenever, like on Men's Fitness,
a guy who has titties will pose like this or something like that. Is that how that works? Raise the titties up. You ever see that? You ever see guy pose. Whenever on Men's Fitness, a guy who has titties will pose like this or something like that.
Is that how that works?
Raise the titties up.
You ever see dudes on Men's Fitness magazine hitting this pose?
Yeah, Vince McMahon did it.
And it's because it's got to reduce the titties.
Look at all the boys doing it.
We got to all do this pose for everyone.
Those arms are too big.
You can't even really do it.
Yeah, you can't even pull your arms up.
This is the only way my tits look good anymore.
They look normal if I go like this and then when I bring them down.
Honestly, if my girl's tits only look good like that, I'd be fine with her just walking.
All of oil.
Side note.
Oh, my God.
They came in.
Whoa.
Oh, we're done.
Hey, yo.
Holy shit.
Hey, yo. I got my wands in. Hell, Oh, we're done. Hey, yo. Holy shit. Hey, yo.
I got my wands in.
Hell yes.
What do we have?
Five.
That sounds like a battle.
Why did you not buy enough for the whole show?
They only, they're so popular right now, that was the limit they gave me.
Use another credit card.
That's true.
I should have panicked.
That's an experienced dad.
Yeah.
Yeah. Sometimes you gotta cheat the system. I forgot the word. Childfather an experienced dad. Yeah.
Childfather.
That'll be an awesome show.
During the initial stages of the pandemic,
I had to get creative ways just to do our basic shopping.
Because there were limits on water,
there were limits on things. I had to
go to different stores.
I had to have a disguise once to buy more water for the family.
There's limits on packs of Pokemon cards.
Oh.
Yeah.
Still.
Because of the pandemic.
Because of the pandemic.
Yeah, people.
I bet you the pandemic was good for Pokemon cards.
Oh, yeah.
Mewlips was a super spreader.
Is that a Pokemon?
Mewlips?
Oh, God.
Mewtwo?
Mewlips?
Lips.
What's Mewlips?
That ain't nothing. That ain't nothing. Never willtwo. Mewtwo. Lips. Lips. What's Mewlips? That ain't nothing.
That ain't nothing, never will be.
You don't know fucking Pokemon.
Actually, they just dropped the new Pokemon.
Ninetales.
You just know what fucking Nick says.
Ninetales.
You just know the ones he's said before.
They dropped the new Pokemon this morning, and Nicky does not like the design.
Uh-oh.
It was actually last night.
Are they just consistently pumping those out still?
Yeah, they're almost to 1,000.
They don't decide the design, do they?
Who?
Anyone.
Somebody has to.
You think it's just nature taking a design, a new space?
It's intelligent design, yeah.
It's evolution.
I don't like it.
Cover your ears, Brandon.
I'm fine.
I'm kidding.
I mean, I'm going to let him be Jesus on a casting couch, so.
How do your kids play Pokemon?
With evolution and all?
They love it.
Yeah, they love it.
The Bulbasaur,
Ivysaur,
Venusaur.
That's the first three.
Yeah, that's the whole...
You've heard Nick
say that before, though.
Yes, yeah.
Venusaur is a grass type.
Grass poison.
What?
Grass poison.
Venus Williams
is also a grass type.
Yeah.
She always went in Wimbledon.
Yeah, yeah.
She's better than Clay. That's not Clay, yeah. She liked hard courts as well. She was good at the type. Yeah. She always went in Wimbledon. Yeah. Yeah. She's better than Clay.
That's not Clay.
Yeah.
She liked hard courts as well.
She was good at the US Open.
Is that true?
I think the majority of her grand slams were at Wimbledon.
No.
On grass.
Hence making the grass type joke work.
Yes.
Yes.
How's your-
Make sure the joke holds up to scrutiny.
That's all.
On the grass.
How's your correspondence?
She loses on Clay.
Opposed to Ruben Studdard, who beats Clay.
Yeah.
That relationship still unfolding for you?
Yeah, it's going really well.
So well that we can't even talk about it or joke about it.
That's how well.
Yeah, you'd think it would just be a funny thing, but it's just kind of beautiful.
I'm so hopeful for this because i would love to go to
that wedding i don't want to jump the gun but i'd be sick jump the gun on me marrying her are you
being invited my wand kate
the wand chooses the wizard what's crazy what's crazy is that kind of emitted a stinky cloud.
Yeah, it did.
Did you smell that?
Can you do it again?
Does it shoot?
I gotta go get more paper.
Do you guys want me to go get more paper?
Yes, get as much as you can.
No, it has to be flash paper, I think.
It's flash paper.
All the wands are not charged yet,
unfortunately, so I'll just have to
USB charge?
Yep, USB.
You really jumped the gun
on bringing this thing.
I did.
I fucked up. I got excited. And then I really jumped the gun on bringing this thing. I did. I fucked up.
I got excited.
And then I couldn't get it to work this morning.
Then an actual magician slash hypnotist was like,
you got to let the paper dry out.
Where did you see one?
He just saw my thing and messaged on it. Why was your paper wet?
It comes wet.
I think it's soaked in alcohol or something.
So it doesn't combust while travel?
Right, I guess.
I don't know
can you bring them on planes you think i'm gonna wait is that real fire yes yeah yeah oh that could
be dangerous that's why i got so many i pictured all of us in here shooting our wands at each other
and i thought it'd be fun it would be it will be so this will be preliminary but by tomorrow i'll
have them all charged up i'll go get some more Kyle, will you come back in here as Jesus?
I'm going to see what they put me in.
But yeah, how about you guys force me to, so I don't have to be the guy who wants to.
Kyle, do it.
Or else.
Yeah, okay.
Ah, fine.
How am I going to be Ellen?
I might just tuck.
Your dick?
That was her move.
What was her comedy bit?
She did something about grabbing this way versus grabbing this way or some shit.
Oh, I have no idea.
She did a famous bit about fucking grabbing pickles or grabbing toilet paper or some shit,
which is true, and I do think about it every time I grab pickles or reach up in the toilet paper thing.
I think it's just this motion she's talking about.
You got to do this thing. You grab a pickle in this to grab the toilet paper thing. I think it's just this motion she's talking about. You got to do this thing.
You grab a pickle in this to grab the toilet paper out of the thing.
It's not necessarily funny, but it just sticks with me.
It's a good observation.
There's got to be other ways.
To grab those things?
There's got to be other situations that call for a conductor.
I'm curious about the costumes here.
How are you going to be a sexy football?
I don't know.
I don't think I'm going to do it.
You also don't have a lot of time.
No.
Weirdly tight schedule.
You should go.
Probably.
Yeah, go now.
This is not going to be a part of the show.
I think you're going to be coming back dressed as that.
No, I thought it was supposed to be right in the...
Well, they need the green screen room for the background.
Can we hack into the cameras?
Can we hack into the mainframe?
I'll look and see if there's a camera in there, or we can just do a zoom.
Hey, TJ.
Oh, TJ, welcome back.
Hi, guys.
Apology accepted for you not being here.
Sorry.
I also wasn't here.
You stuck us with TGA.
Yeah, but your replacement is usually bearable.
Mm-hmm.
TGA?
Man.
I shit myself yesterday no way
no
just a little bit
what
a video of it
no I didn't
film myself
shitting myself
so you could watch
I guess that's my bad
yeah
Jersey Jerry would've
I don't think anyone
has ever gotten a video
of themselves
shitting
I actually saw one
seen it
I've seen a guy
he's like filming
and you see it like
poof out on his shorts.
No way.
Okay, of themselves, though.
He was filming his own.
Oh, yeah.
Need to go?
You telling me?
Yeah, we got to go.
He's giving me the go signal, so Kyle, get your fucking ass up.
Go.
I'm starting you.
But like, has there ever been a video of like a guy walking in the background and he shits
himself?
At marathons.
There's photos of people.
There's videos of people like crossing the finish line at marathons of there's photos of people, there's videos of people
crossing the finish line
at marathons of poop running down.
It's always diarrhea.
Do we go two at a time?
You're right,
it's never a solid.
There's ten of us.
I don't think we can go two at a time.
There's only one camera.
Well, like,
one person can get ready.
Oh, no,
we're just going to get dressed,
coming back in here.
I don't know what we're doing.
We have no stretch.
I don't think this really
has anything to do with the show.
Yeah.
We just have to do this.
Yeah, it's just during the show. We just have the room from one to two. Oh, I thought we were coming in. This is the exact time we have the show. I don't think this really has anything to do with the show. Yeah. We just have to do this. It's just during the show.
We just have the room from one to two.
Oh, I thought we were coming in.
This is the exact time we have the show.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
For the content of the show, we probably should have the people come back in here after they finish shooting.
Yeah.
Before they change out.
And we should end the show all in costume.
Yeah.
Well, we're all, yeah.
No, we all have to get in the gladiator costume at the end.
I resent this. We'll have to do that after the show though because why did we book this
now not bright yeah any other hour of the day would have been better well the idea was the
show would draw buzz for the calendar and yeah you're right we should have the people come back
in should we have them sit as themselves or just? Yeah, I think once you get your costume in, do your shoot and then come back to the show.
Okay.
Yeah, that's fair.
Which sucks for me because y'all did not buy a mermaid costume.
That's a princess outfit.
I did not do the show.
I don't know if it's going to fit.
We'll make it fit.
Thank you, Seth.
We'll squeeze you in.
I appreciate that.
What do you guys do when you get grumpy?
Do the yak?
Yeah. KB taught me
a tactic called seethe walking.
Seethe walking. You go and you stomp around
the city. He does it more often than not.
And you go and you stomp around the city.
Can I see it? It helps. He's like seething.
I'm not seething. You almost have to be grumpy.
If it's a tactic, you could get into it.
But I'm not grumpy. How do you expel the grumpiness?
There has to be some kind of grump there.
Kiss me off.
Does it look like the dart walk?
Pokemon's for babies.
No, it's not.
That's just too...
All right.
Pokemon's actually...
I did go to the Pokemon card North American championships,
and they announced the first guy, and he he came out and then they announced the defending champion
and it was the most pipsqueak little boy
I've ever seen with like Rex Becks.
He dominated.
What's up guys?
I was interviewing the greatest West Virginian
of all time. Was my guess right?
No, your guess was wrong.
Who did you guess?
I guessed Steve Harvey. He's from West Virginia?
I thought he was from Chicago
He claimed Chicago
You should get it
Jerry West
You should get it right
Ed Snoggle?
Don Ritchie?
Nope
You should get it right
Brad Paisley
Randy Moss?
Noel Devine?
White chocolate?
Oh
Was it?
No
John Kruk.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Saban.
A lot of sense.
He is the best.
He is the man.
Literally was, I think we had him on for 40 minutes, and he told three stories.
What's he doing?
If I asked for one more story, I wouldn't have even come to the act today, because he's
such a good storyteller.
Each one was-
Probably has the best stories.
They were incredible.
Incredible.
They were crushing beer. It's a West Virginia thing, baby. Yeah. And he's West a good storyteller. Each one was probably has the best. They were incredible. Incredible. They were crushing beer.
It's a West Virginia thing, baby.
Yeah.
And he's he's West Virginia through and through.
He had him tell the story about how he lived with bank robbers.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
That's cool.
His worst season in Major League Baseball was because the FBI came to him in spring training.
He was like, do you know these guys?
And I'm like, he's like, yeah.
And he's like, yeah, we're looking for him.
They robbed the bank.
And then the guys thought that John Kruk had ratted
on him, so he was looking over his shoulder for an entire
season. That's a
good story. In very West Virginia. Yeah.
Yeah. Damn. Did he go to prison?
Kruk? No. The bank robber? Yes.
Yeah, the bank robber. He was a Major League
Baseball player. Why was he living with somebody?
Probably previous to me.
It was the beginning of his career, and those guys, what, they used to make like $100,000?
YP lives with guys on the hockey team right now.
Yeah, that's true.
I didn't know that.
YP lives with, he's always posting Instagram stories.
He lives with some guys, I guess, on the Blues.
They're just some dudes in his house on the Blues all the time.
That's pretty cool.
They just are professional athletes with a bunch of roommates.
I live alone, but if I could have a roommate, like, who was, like,
a top 50 battle rapper all time on BET.com.
Yeah.
Pretty much number one, too.
Last on the list.
No particular order, but not alphabetically.
No.
Last on the list means you're number one.
Yeah. No, it's the other way. It wasically. Last on the list means you're number one.
No, it's the other way.
It was the last addition to the list.
When did this list come out?
Today.
Or yesterday, maybe. You're number one?
Yes.
No, it's not number one at all.
He's number one.
They say no particular order.
Number one.
Number one.
It's not number one.
I can't fist bump to that.
I probably don't even belong on the list.
All right, all right.
Here it is.
Here it is.
What do you mean? Oh. That's because you can't fist bump to that. I probably don't even belong on the list. All right, all right. Here it is. Here it is. What do you mean?
Oh.
That's because you wouldn't fist bump.
What do you mean you don't belong on the list?
You're on the list.
You're on the list.
Yeah.
It's definitely.
It's just one guy's opinion.
It's like if somebody made a top 50 SEC quarterbacks list or whatever Brandon does or some shit
like that.
If I'm Will, leave us.
Leave us.
I'm not pissed off that I'm not on Brandon's list.
Is that a good list, though?
Like, dude, was there anyone on there?
Levis is pissed off he hasn't been on my list.
Is there anyone missing that you think should have been on there?
Number six, Sandlot.
All the way at the bottom.
Whoa.
The last one.
That's number one.
That's number one.
That's how a list works.
Yes.
What does it say about you?
The last one is the guy who's first is actually the best.
No, that's not true.
I know this.
Every time you look at a list. That's not how you write.
You look at a list and you scroll to the bottom to see who's number one.
No, it's probably like when Awful Announcing puts us as their best content creators so we can give them clicks and use the barstool retweet machine.
I think that that's more of it.
And they're like, they probably get more engagement numbers
if someone scrolls all the way
to the bottom of the list or whatever.
You look cute as hell in that picture, too.
He does.
That was a cute phase of my life.
He's a cute motherfucker.
Yeah, if like Roan would be my roommate,
I'd do it.
The description was like Roan,
they're like,
Roan most commonly known for his anti-fat speech.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a simpler time.
Yeah. That was against simpler time. Yeah.
That was against Big T.
Huh?
Yeah, that's the real Big T.
You a big Big T fan, Brandon?
The battler?
I like this one.
I like our Big T.
Was there anyone missing, Ron, from the list
that you think should have been on there?
There's probably...
You could always make a case for guys
who were right on the outside.
Wasn't Dwight Howard not on the top 75 list or whatever and people are pissed off?
Yeah, Dame time.
Yeah, Dame Lillard wasn't on that top 75 list.
What's up, Steven, you bitch?
My football team's better than yours, bitch.
Damn.
Yeah.
That's true.
They were fine yesterday.
Oh, yeah.
You might have to work with them.
I texted him at 11.45 and I was like Sleep well Knowing the Bears
Are better than the Bucks
Bitch
And what did I text back?
Oh you're
With your record
It sounds like
Something he'd say
Guess what
They have the same record
And the Bears
Have actually a win
In their last two games
Yeah
I've been
A Justin Fields believer
Through and through
So I'm happy to see
Him having success
Your team sucks
Do you see my rankings? Not yet I'm happy to see him having success. Your team sucks. Did you see my rankings?
Not yet. I'm happy to see my friends succeed. You made the rankings.
Yeah.
What's my category?
Worst team slash human in the NFL.
What's the team?
Box.
Steven Che.
If they were on that top 50 BET list,
they would be probably somewhere in the middle.
Yeah.
Maybe even the first on the list.
Right on the top.
Yeah.
The Bears are better than the Bucs.
The Bears would be at the bottom.
That's for sure.
Yeah.
Right now, I am the Bears.
I'm happy.
No, you're not.
I'm happy for Justin Fields and my friends.
Why would you be happy?
I like to see my friends succeed.
No, that's not friendship.
I've been on Justin Fields. That's not friendship. That's pity. I want all of you. You're not a friend. I want all of your like to see my friends succeed. No, that's not friendship. I've been on Justin Fields.
That's not friendship.
I want all of your teams to do bad.
Well, I want to do good and then bad.
Yes, yeah.
But that's not what Steven's saying.
He wants us to be happy.
Do you want all of our teams to be undefeated?
You want all our teams to win?
That's not possible.
But, yeah, if it doesn't affect my rooting interest,
then, yeah, I'm rooting for your team.
My team played the Bucs every week.
That is disgusting what you said.
Steelers are better.
They beat them.
Like, do you think I want Mississippi State to be good?
That would be so annoying.
Bears won one game, and I can already feel that I'm annoying.
You are?
Yeah, I know.
You were pissing me off, Josh.
We are.
One awesome game.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, they didn't even let you go shirtless?
They didn't let you go shirtless.
Kate, slug time.
All right.
We'll be back in the meantime.
Oh, oh, oh.
Press it.
Hold the button down, and when it starts to smoke,
wash your hands.
It's not smoking.
It will.
It will go.
Do you have to hold it?
Okay.
Good luck.
Oh, yeah.
Push it down a little bit.
She's just...
What are these things?
Those are the wands she bought.
That's Catch on Fire.
Remember, she bought those with her...
Fire wands. About five. That's not smoking. Remember she bought those with her... Fire wands.
About five.
Why is it not smoking?
They expel the ominous maybe.
Maybe you don't believe hard enough?
Yeah, that's probably it.
The Santa Claus.
Oh, wait.
Santa Claus or elf?
Best way to say good cheer is elf.
Sing louder for all to hear.
Santa Claus too.
Santa Claus.
Oh!
That was good.
Just like that.
Where'd it go? It burnt away. It burnt away. Oh,. Oh! That was good. Just like that. Where'd it go?
It burnt away.
Oh, you can't use that paper.
You have to use this flag.
I think it should be fully loaded, though.
I think it's...
Oh, no, it only uses one at a time.
It's musket style.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That sucks.
You've got to stand over someone's shoulder and load it up for them and then switch them out.
Wizards are marching single file.
I was the drummer boy for Ravenclaw versus...
You held the Gryffindor flag.
He was the standard bearer.
There's actually a really specific way you have to fold it
and the size you have to cut it to.
Yeah.
I think that's pre-cut over there for you.
Pre-cut.
There's a pre-cut.
It's actually pretty convenient.
What is?
The process of loading it.
It's...
That way you can't get too out of control.
Yeah.
Yeah,
you're right.
Safety first.
Being in a war with muskets
must have been so fucking boring.
Yeah.
They would just get,
they would get so bored
that they'd run and stab someone.
Yeah,
that'd be best case scenario
to be bored.
Muskets were just,
holy shit.
Muskets were just long knives.
No,
bayonets.
Bayonets.
Yeah,
yeah.
Muskets are gone.
Try flipping it.
Oh! Yeah, you almost have to...
We've got to time this right.
I don't know how to time it.
Don't press it so hard.
Let's go.
One, two, three, and go.
One, two, wave.
Okay.
Yes, yes.
That was closer.
Closer.
Cool.
Okay.
Smells.
Yeah, it's a stinky cloud.
It is a stinky cloud.
KB, how are you feeling?
I mean...
What house would Jesus be in in Harry Potter?
I couldn't see none of my torso.
Couldn't see my face.
Could have been anyone.
Could have been anyone on that January page.
That's kind of the point of Jesus, though.
Yeah, he could be anybody.
What if God was one of us type of vibe?
Jesus would be Hufflepuff.
You think?
Hell no.
A bumbling-ass Hufflepuff.
They're not bumbling.
They're all about kindness.
Bumbling-ass kind boys.
The one was named Ernie.
Dude, you can't be Ernie and not bumbling.
Yeah, Ernie's typically bumble.
Bumbling-ass name.
A wide-faced name.
Six putt at the first hole.
Astrid. Did you know that? Did you know that, Roan? Of course. Did you? a wide-faced name. Six putt at the first hole. Yes!
Did you know that? Did you know that, Roan?
Of course.
Did you?
Of course.
What course?
Six Ernie L's right in a row.
I didn't know.
I didn't know that.
We looked it up.
We watched it yesterday.
It was tough to watch.
It was a crazy KB.
We've had back-to-back Ernie shows,
and I didn't know?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
You were talking about Chuck Knobloch yesterday.
Really? Yeah, you would have loved that.
That play sounds awesome. Yeah, we didn't even get to touch
on Armando Galarraga's
original big cat.
Was it the one who blew the perfect game?
No, the ump did.
That's not
a yip.
Armando Galarraga was on the
He's the pitcher that had the perfect game. Oh no, Andres Galarraga was a yip. Armando Galarraga was on the... He's the pitcher that had the perfect game.
Oh, no, Andres Galarraga was a big cap.
That wand smell is lingering.
I like that smell.
Stinky cloud.
Smell, no.
Stanky cloud.
I like it.
Ernie Banks would be a cool-ass rap name.
Yeah.
That is a sick name.
Ernie is kind of in there.
Steven, don't look at me because you're beneath me.
Yeah, I guess
so.
Okay, yeah. I mean, you guys are peaking
right now. Peaking. Oh.
He's getting all mad. He's getting curious.
How are you going to be a tree?
How are you going to be a tree? I have no
idea. I haven't seen any of the costumes, but we need to start going
in there. Kate's in there right now. Who's next? Who's
March? They're asking for a brand new dress. Am I really getting naked? What am I doing?
Oh, no, no. Am I just getting my
shirt off and I'll go in my underwear and then
we'll cover up my underwear with...
Costumes will arrange. I don't know if they're aware
about the UN SAS switch, but that
shouldn't matter a ton. There's no time
to make arrangements. Probably will
matter a good time. Yeah, they're going to
need to get a bigger cock prosthetic for you.
Different fluffer.
Yeah.
Going to need a larger fluffer.
I do XL fluffers.
Excuse me.
There's not enough man in this fluffer.
I need a pit crew of fluffers.
This fluffer.
This fluffer lost a nut.
I think like
getting sexually
stimulated with
Q-tips up your ears
would feel like an extra.
Whoa.
Double Q-tipping
post shower
better than fucking.
Q-tips
are one of those things
people just try to tell you
is not good for you.
Fuck you.
It's like
oh look at the slug.
Oh she's a slug.
Look at the slug moving.
Boy this calendar
might suck, huh?
This calendar's going to be terrible.
That has fur.
That's the one thing slugs don't have.
Are you a chipmunk slug?
Yeah, that is... What the hell
is that?
That's terrestrial.
You can't wait for me.
That is not a slug.
Boy, they really
broke the bank for this.
Wait, that's a snail shell.
Oh.
Like a Jar Jar Binks mask.
You look like you're in the Cantina Band.
So this is what it's like to be Stephen Che
during a football game.
Yeah.
Although, actually, not really,
because his team's usually down by more than one possession.
That's pretty sweet for him.
Actually, this season's been awesome for him.
Pretty good dig.
No, don't say it like that
because then it ruins it.
You're like, good dig, buddy.
It's a good jab.
A hell of a jab.
It was just buddies busting balls.
Elchies.
Very quick.
Keep them coming.
You don't really know how to get at a buddy.
He somehow is able to disarm everything, including shit talking.
I can take a punch.
There it is.
It's over.
I'm the next one, but we have to start doing them on deck.
So after Brandon gets back, then...
Yeah.
Zah.
We're really sucking the fun out of this.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah, calendars are supposed to be fun.
Yeah.
Boy, they booked a 15-minute time slot for us during the show.
Did you do the arms out?
You wouldn't let me do crucifixion.
What?
Sacrilege.
What?
Who was in there?
Who said that? Hey, what? What? Said no crucifixion. What? Who was in there? Who said that?
Hey, what?
What?
He said no crucifixion.
Which one of them is religious?
You're already Jesus.
Who said that?
Who said no crucifixion?
I mean, people are going to buy the calendar expecting Jesus to be on a cross.
It's Jesus in front of the casting couch.
That's more sacrilege.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I forgot that part.
Church exclusively uses him crucified. I know. That's like the one fine thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot that part. Church exclusively uses him crucified.
I know.
That's like the one fine thing.
Oh, fuck.
Wait, who called it off?
I don't know.
Say it.
Yeah, you do.
Air it out.
Was it Enrique or Pilar?
Enrique.
I think they were both like,
yeah, we're not due.
I mean...
I would like one
for my personal collection.
It was Enrique.
Wait, do it right now.
To be honest,
nothing against him.
He did tell me not to.
Bro, someone tell Enrique poder servir por tu amor.
God damn, bro.
I didn't know you could spit like that.
Yeah, bro.
You should have been involved in some Spanish rap battles.
Ah.
Second leg of the tour?
The dude at, there's a Spanish speaking-
Spanish raps are just tacos.
Burritos.
Yeah, yeah.
Or enchiladas.
All food is Spanish rap.
But there is a famous Mexican battle rapper, Spanish speaking battle rapper named AC Zeno,
who was at
The
Most recent Canelo fight
He was the one who was up on stage
Rapping
Yeah
That guy is a famous
Spanish speaking battle rapper
He was good
He was good
And he's I think a good battle rapper
But there's this one guy
Disaster
Canelo
Canelo
That's what he would do
That was the only part I understood
It was
But
I was in
So I had
I was late today because
All my schedule got fucked up
because my kid's nanny is sick,
so I had to take my daughter to her preschool class,
which is the parents actually there.
They speak Spanish in that thing.
They did a, hey, hello, everyone,
and then they said, now say it in Spanish.
I was like, I'm already underwater here.
That's crazy.
Everyone said it, and I had no idea how to say it.
Oh, what the fuck?
In Williamsburg, there's, like, a Mandarin-speaking daycare.
Really?
And it's just, like, for people in Williamsburg that, I guess, are trying to bilingual their kids up from early on.
Yeah.
I mean, Chef Donnie went to a French kindergarten to, like, senior year of high school, right?
Didn't they only speak French?
This is blowing my mind. I feel so stupid when Chef Donnie went to a French kindergarten to, like, senior year of high school, right? Didn't they only speak French? This is blowing my mind.
I feel so stupid when she has another language.
I felt so—my daughter is a year and a half years old, and I felt like I was out of my element in her class.
That she then, like, two seconds later started eating glue.
They were going—
No joke, I was taking a video because I was like, oh, it's so cute, she's painting, and then she just took the paintbrush.
But then she's like, papi, tienes cambiar para una cincuenta? Yeah, I was taking a video because I was like, oh, it's so cute, she's painting, and then she just took the paintbrush. But then she's like, papi, tienes cambia para una cincuenta?
Yeah, I was like, what the fuck?
Was it just hola or like more?
No, it was like, hello, how is everyone today?
And then like now in Spanish, and I was like, wait, what?
Because I was, you know, participating, then I wasn't.
And I had the dread of being in a classroom.
Yeah.
Damn.
That sucks so much.
Spanish class was a fucking nightmare.
Worst.
Worst class.
And it's so hard to learn.
Worst class.
I took like eight years of Spanish in high school and college
and eight years of French in grade school,
and I retained none of it.
Dude, Spanish tests?
Oh, my God.
When you had to like write paragraphs?
The oral presentations were bad.
Oh my God, they were so bad.
It's really like the scariest thing to think about.
And then I would try and do Google Translate
and memorize the Google Translate.
Just like the sound.
But then they would know that you use Google Translate
because it'd be like words that we haven't learned yet.
And they'd be like,
where the fuck are you pulling that from?
Yeah. How the fuck do you pulling that from? Yeah.
How the fuck do you know that?
Yeah.
But then people would also, in Philly, would you have like the Philly accent when they're
like, play to your Albanian.
It's funny as fuck.
Don't install a bibliotheca.
Oh, that's great.
Dude, I remember we used to go through my homework, our homework as a class, and we'd
have to translate every single sentence of the homework.
And they'd select a random person to do a sentence, and I would never know it.
And they'd make me go and grab the dictionary and translate it to the class with it, and I'd have to flip through it.
It would take like 15 minutes, but the whole class just sits there, and I'm trying to figure out what the fuck it means.
You should have done your homework.
It's like one of the only things.
That and math is the things that I still have recurring nightmares every now and then.
I remember second grade when we hit long division, I was like, I guess this is it for me.
Yeah.
About as far as this road goes.
Do you remember when you hit your math?
I was right after, I think it was trigonometry, and I was like, that was it.
That's my brain.
You can't fake it.
Yeah.
You're like, all right, I've looked at the back of the book too much.
You either got it or you don't.
Yeah, right.
And you remember how the – did you guys have the back of the book?
It was the answer key.
Yeah.
So it was like every other.
Yeah.
And I just rode that for a couple years, and then I got to a point where it's like, well,
all the stuff you were supposed to learn, you didn't, so now you're out.
Oh, I forgot about every other.
Yeah.
Yeah. every other. Yeah. Yeah.
And then I would just guess on the evens and write down the odds.
Yeah, they knew who was using the back of the book.
Why would they even do that?
Yeah, they gave us every other, yeah.
Yeah, why would-
Just sniff us out.
Of course I'm going to look at every other.
They would sniff us out.
Yeah.
Cheaters.
Oh, dude.
School sucked.
Sucked.
High school sucked.
Like, the classes sucked. All of school sucks. I really used none of it. Oh, dude. School sucked. Sucked. High school sucked. Like, the classes sucked.
All of school sucks.
I really use none of it.
None of it.
Zero.
I use...
I use calligraphy.
Yeah, well, you're actually, like, a skilled person.
What?
What school did you learn calligraphy in?
High school.
You had a calligraphy class?
Yeah.
You're a skilled human being.
Not at all.
I had to go to class.
Oh, you have skill.
I don't know what calligraphy is.
The art of beautiful writing.
Letters.
Yeah, it says letters.
Oh.
I was picturing hieroglyphics.
I have zero skills.
It'll be a fun class.
That's not true.
I've seen your drop step in basketball.
Like, if you have low post moves.
Remember that basketball highlight of you had when you guys were playing in that, was
it like the, one of the old ass, when you and Dave playing in that was it like the one of the
old ass
when you and Dave
were on the same team
TBT
and you drove the lane
and you gave a little
head fake
and you no looked
for a dunk
and fucking
the defender committed
that was a sick
I would trade
every curly letter
I've ever written
to do that
you gotta find that
clip of Big Cat
cause that was
a legitimate move
that was against
Team Philly.
It was Smitty, right?
Owen Smitty.
Smitty was even the defender that you like.
You killed him.
Yeah, you like blitzed hard on him.
And then you just left off a little pass and somebody yammed.
It was kind of a fucking skilled ass move.
So don't say you're not skilled, brother.
Thank you.
I appreciate that you pumped me up.
Rudy just walked in for Stoolz streams.
He, if he got so many subscribers on Twitch, which he met,
he had to measure his soft dick on camera.
Oh.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
How long?
Well, he didn't have a ruler, so he had to measure it with his water bottle
so he knows how many milliliters his dick is.
How many milliliters?
By volume, which makes sense.
You can't use something that's too sturdy.
You got to use something like a headphone cord.
You put your dick in a water bottle?
I was with him.
On the side, it has like a scale.
Oh.
He tried to fluff beforehand.
He was like, wait, have you ever seen this movie trailer?
And the movie trailer had titties.
And I was like, oh.
That was a coincidence.
I was not trying to fluff.
But it's 1,000 milliliters.
1,000 milliliters?
How many inches is that?
Not a lot.
No, you can't convert that.
That's what he should have done, though.
That's the brand of the bottle.
That's a shot glass.
Kill the water bottle.
Buying that water bottle.
Accidentally sit on it.
Oh, Rudy.
I stretched it to its full capabilities.
Wait, how many millimeters?
The soft dick actually surprisingly doesn't stretch too much.
Unless you were measuring it.
Your pain receptors go away. I don't think you can stretch for the measure. Why not? A soft dick actually surprisingly doesn't stretch too much. Unless you're measuring it. Unless you're –
Your pain receptors go away.
I don't think you can stretch for the measure.
Measure.
You can't stretch for – you can't.
That's cheating.
Yeah.
That adds pleasure to you.
You should hang down.
Not stretch.
You can't even lie on table.
You should hang down and put it next to you.
But hanging it down, yeah.
So I think he has to do it again right now.
Okay, I just did it.
It's one and a half inches.
That's not that crazy.
And Rudy's uncircumcised,
so half of that is just empty space.
One and a half soft is,
I'd say, probably average.
That's a monster.
That's damn near a monster cock.
That might be a big soft, if anything.
Oh my God.
I was pissing earlier,
and I was just head. Yeah. That's all it was. Every once in a while, I if anything. Oh, my God. I was pissing earlier, and I was just head.
Yeah.
That's all it was.
Every once in a while, I looked down.
There was no shaft.
Can you show the picture that we just got of Brandon as a mermaid?
Picture day is going great.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
Is he pushing it out?
His gut?
Yeah.
I feel like he does.
I mean, that might be the only way to keep the mermaid uh
he's covering his nipples too it's unsettling yeah
do we have that we have it tj oh my god oh my god unsettling
it looks like a guy at like a weird renaissance fair
that's not a mermaid costume either
What the fuck is it?
I think it's just a green dress
With a scale pattern on it
Oh, Che, that's a good tree
Wait a minute, you are a good tree
Yo, say something a tree would say
Bark like a tree
You look like a
You stomped him
Oh, let's go I didn't even mean to do that.
You could have taken good credit.
What's it say on you?
It says, no trespassing.
No trespassing.
What the hell are they doing to Ariel these days?
God damn it.
That's not my Ariel.
He got woke.
He actually got reverse woke.
It's a white man doing every part.
Yeah.
Every shell, so I just had to cover my tits.
Didn't have shells?
I think that's the huge shells, but they didn't have shells.
Low tits.
I just had to cover my tits.
This calendar's going to rock.
I think it might suck, but yeah, it'll circle back to rock.
Yeah.
Why does the tree say no trespassing?
Because it's above my wiener.
Oh, so it says beware above
your wiener. No trespassing in your
nipple area. Oh yeah.
Maybe no nipple play, but beware of
just an absolute monster.
It's a snail.
It's a hairy snail.
I thought it was a squirrel.
Barstool got soft, dude.
Barstool's gone soft as fuck.
Soft like a rich,
no crucifixions anymore.
Didn't Kirk get crucifixed live
at the Crucified?
Oh, I cast Jesus.
Cast Jesus.
I cast him right there.
Who's after Zah?
Rike wanted y'all two at a time.
Bet.
Wait, so is it me? Are you next? Are you after Zah? Rike wanted you all two at a time. Bet. Wait, so is it me?
Are you next?
Are you after Zah?
After Zah.
By the way, I've made a, I don't know if you guys saw, but I've made a huge mistake with
this PS5 thing.
Yeah.
I have, I decided.
Oh, you have 40,000 replies.
Right, because I was going, because I always make the joke that I'm giving away a PS5 when
the Bears do poorly.
So I, when they won last night, I was like, you know what? Because I always make the joke that I'm giving away a PS5 when the Bears do poorly.
So when they won last night, I was like, you know what?
I'm actually going to give away two PS5s, and I have 40,000 replies.
I still need one if you want to give me one.
PS5s are pretty hard.
Are they still pretty hard to come by?
I guess so.
They're getting easier?
I think they're getting easier.
I don't know what to do.
Brandon, you make Joey Kamas to look like John Rocker right now.
Thank you, Steven.
Yeah.
Good.
It is what it is.
You look really good.
Anybody else going to get as stupid as – oh, well, you're just new.
Naked, yeah.
I don't know what – I'm taking one for the team because Sass wouldn't.
Just reminding everyone. What did you switch to, Sass?
What's your new – I'm a Pokemon now. That's a team player. Wait, S because Sass wouldn't. Just reminding everyone. What did you switch to, Sass? What's your new? Pokemon.
I'm a Pokemon now.
That's a team player.
Wait, Sass, you wouldn't get nude? He wouldn't get nude, so I was like, fuck it.
You know what?
Let's not make it a big deal.
Let's just swap.
Let's just do it.
I'll lead from the front.
Are there any future trade implications for this?
Should be.
Yeah, I should have.
I was just being a really good guy.
We need a commissioner of this league, honestly. So you're necking in front of your own money pile? Yeah, I guess so. I was just being a really good guy. We need a commissioner of this league, honestly.
So you're necking in front of your own money pile?
Yeah, I guess so.
Do we have money in there?
All the props are taken care of.
They have 15 bucks.
Okay, nice.
They said it would be weird to do too much money, so...
$120 bill.
You really think Jesus dressed like that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, by no means.
He's got a frock on.
There's a fucking... No, he was probably fucking no shirt. He wouldn't wear a new balance. He's got a frock on. There's a fucking...
No, he was probably fucking no shirt.
He was probably swaddled.
Enrique told me that you actually didn't want to get shirtless,
that you insisted on not being shirtless.
No.
So one of you's lying.
He's lying.
KB takes every opportunity he can to get shirtless.
He was shirtless at his quarterly review.
You might be too jacked though to be Jesus shirtless
Yeah absolutely
I mean you would destroy Jesus
What do you think Jesus' fitness regimen was?
Crossfit
Oh dude that was fucking good
And we were on fucking fire
Holy shit dude
Wordplay, I'm not a wordplay guy
Who writes for Big Cat?
Damn, fire. Wordplay. I'm not a wordplay guy. Who writes for Big Cat? Damn.
Fire with the wordplay today.
Cave, were you about to shoot yourself with that wand?
You were staring down the barrel like you were real thoughtful.
This one has a piece of paper stuck in it, and it's super hot at the end.
I've been holding the button down, trying to get it to just burn up inside.
Nothing happening.
Uh-oh.
I got one good one off.
That's it. Yeah. You got to basically one off. That's it.
You've got to basically press a button and do it at the exact same time.
Is your little tyke dressing up?
Yes.
There's the neighborhood ragamuffin parade on Saturday morning that we're registered for.
So you pull him in a wagon, you decorate the wagon,
and it's a contest.
What's his costume?
He's a shark.
Tyke sounds like a slur.
That's good.
Yeah, Tyke does.
I was like, damn, what did you call him?
A D or a K on that word really ruins it.
Slur adjacent.
Tyke.
Doesn't it sound like a jake?
It kind of sounds like it has a little...
Zah just looks good.
Oh, Zah.
Yeah, whoa.
Man of the cloth.
Look at you, Zah. Look at you, Man of the cloth. Oh, man. Look at you, Zah.
Look at you, fantastic.
So TJ, did TJ just go in?
He's on his way.
TJ's on his way in now.
Oh, no.
Che on the sticks?
Oh, jeez.
Oh, jeez.
Father Zah.
Freeze.
We've done this before.
You're just going to look at me and Brandon
for the rest of the show.
Heaven on the sticks is also a pun.
I don't really remember.
Then Sass is after TJ.
We need a video pulled up tomorrow, Steve, if you want to get ready.
The wheels in motion.
Well done, well done.
See, it ruined it.
It ruined it.
Fuck you.
You can't talk shit to this guy.
Nah.
Not bad. It's impervious.
Not bad, not bad.
I see your joke and raise you in applause.
Yeah, you're right.
That sucks.
That one's good.
That one actually made me chuckle a little bit.
Everyone's here Friday, right?
Yeah.
I don't think I am.
What?
Why?
We're doing the paint off, aren't we?
Yes.
I have to paint myself then.
God damn it. Brandon. What time are we? Yes. I have to paint myself then. God damn it.
Brandon.
What time are we leaving?
I think not till late.
Okay.
Where are you guys going this weekend?
We got a double.
Then Michigan.
Do you want a Penn State run?
No.
Fuck.
The fucking World Series this weekend, dude.
Oh, that's true.
The fighting.
Die hard.
It's the fighting.
They never bring it.
It's in San Diego.
No, that's in Houston.
San Diego?
It's the Fightin'. They never bring that. That's in San Diego. No, that's in Houston. San Diego. It's in Houston.
Philly is going to, like, if that series goes six,
do you have the Eagles on Thursday and then Philly's on Friday?
It would be in Houston.
That's what I'm saying.
Are they going to take over Houston, you're saying?
The Eagles play in Houston on Thursday.
No, I was supposed to go to that game because we have a gambling competition
on Sunday in Lake Charles.
Oh, shit. Then you come in. So I was going to fly to that game because we have a gambling competition on Sunday in Lake Charles. Oh, shit.
Then you couldn't.
So I was going to fly to that game.
I don't know if.
Go take over the fucking city.
Yeah.
But I want to be if, and this is very much looking ahead of myself.
We'll knock on wood for the Phillies.
We're knocking on wood.
But I want to be, if they win, I want to be in the streets of Philly.
I agree.
Yeah.
I agree.
But I don't want to miss this gambling competition.
So just sweep them.
Can I come with you? Just sweep them. If you sweep them, you win in Philly. Just sweep them. All right. I agree. Yeah. I agree. I don't want to miss this gambling competition. So just sweep them. Can I come with you?
Just sweep them.
If you sweep them, you win in Philly.
Just sweep them.
All right.
All right.
Yes.
When would that game be?
Wednesday.
Yeah, that's what I want so badly.
Or no, that would be Tuesday.
Half muscles are popping.
Yes, because game three is on Halloween.
Halloween, yeah.
On Monday.
Oh, dude.
I'm about to be going to so much sports.
Oh, you're so many.
I mean, Philly is a renaissance.
I'm going to the Steelers-Eagles on Sunday.
Oh, my God.
Me too.
Are you?
I'm going there too.
I'm going to die hard over here, and I will also be there.
I'll be in the city on Saturday for the game.
I'm excited.
You guys are going to have to deal with Tico on the stream?
The city against Tico is going to be all time.
I think Kate against Tico. I think Kate will probably have some bomb-diff to deal with Tico on the stream? Tico's going to be all time. I think Kate against Tico.
I think Kate will probably have some bomb-diffusing tactics on Tico.
All you've got to do is get her talking about anything else.
Yeah.
Or even when Frank was like,
you want me to start rooting for the Yankees?
She's like, no, Frank, no.
I think she responds well to pushing back a little bit.
I retweeted Frank the Yank yesterday, and everyone thought it was Tank.
It's a good account.
It's a great account.
A parody.
It's the Yankees parody of Frank.
Yeah.
He tweeted something like, I just lost in ping pong in the office.
I'll never win anything again.
Yeah.
Sass are calling you in there, brother.
Okay.
Do we do a row back? Should we do a row back? No, isn't it you, Big Cat?. Okay. Do we do row back?
Should we do row back?
Isn't it you, Big Cat?
Do you want to do row back?
You're August.
I'm September.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Rowback's performance polos are the only polos that we wear.
The fit's perfect.
The collars never lose their shape, and they're perfect for a night out or a day on the links.
They also just got into the shorts game with their performance shorts, which are awesome.
But with fall here, rowback's performance hoodies are a total game changer.
Maybe the softest, stretchiest hoodies in the game.
Doesn't matter the season.
We rock these Roback hoodies all year long.
So use code YAK on Roback.com for a generous $20 off your first purchase through the end of the week.
That's R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
20% off polos, Q-Zips, hoodies, Kodiak.
Make sure to jump on Roback's new print polos to have you looking fresh and feeling good.
Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus.
I love my Roback joggers.
They are good.
The only reason I'm not wearing them today is because I finally had to wash them.
You know what?
Three days in a row, probably too much.
Yakis are back, too.
Yakis are back.
Tell Alex Cooper.
Yakis are back up. Yakisackies are back. Tell Alex Cooper. Yackies are back up.
Yackies are back on top.
Let him know.
Tell AC.
I didn't even know.
I didn't even recognize you.
Nick looks great.
Holy shit.
That's good.
I legit didn't recognize you as you walked by.
They had me lick a pussy in there.
Yo.
All right, I guess I should go in and start getting...
Was it Etheridge?
Who's her partner?
Alyssa Etheridge?
No, it was...
It was Portia DeRossi.
Portia.
Who was Etheridge linked up with?
Who was Anna Hesch linked up with?
Was it Etheridge?
Rest in peace.
I think Anna Hesch was Ellen before DeRossi.
That was like the first hot lesbian couple.
Jodie Foster.
No, none of these.
They were tykes?
Seemed lesbian.
Yeah, tyke does.
Someday they were tykes.
At some point in their life, they were tykes.
Kicker does, too.
I didn't know until there's a place called Kickerland.
It's spelled with all Ks, like K-I-K-K-E-R.
I was like, that sounds awful.
Then I was like, wait, kicker is a word.
Punter is too.
Like, is a British bad word or something?
Hunter.
A punter.
So it's a tosser, which I assume means that they...
I don't think British really had bad words.
They say cunt like it's going out of style, right?
Right.
I think that's really the Australians who really throw around cunt.
Yep.
But they have other ones.
I think like bloody.
I don't think you could say bloody in England if you're like,
that bloody man.
They're like, oh my word.
Could you do Dame Judi Dench getting fucked again?
Oh, yeah.
Who's fucking her?
Sass.
Sass.
Little Sasquatch, no!
You'll always be my top pick.
You just left some sons of a boy dad on my chest.
Hell yeah.
Gross.
I want to take an accent class.
I want what you have.
I want to learn calligraphy.
Maybe we can teach each other.
We're doing Yak University, right?
Oh, yeah.
That could be.
I'm teaching logo design.
Really?
Appreciation.
Appreciation.
I'm starting appreciation with you guys.
Let's do all appreciation.
People shouldn't even learn to design.
We should just teach appreciation classes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Our favorite YouTube videos or whatever.
I like that idea.
Fuck yeah.
I love whenever Quiggs drops a YouTube playlist.
I watch them all.
I love that he's like, there are actual links to them now, so you can just watch along with Quiggs.
I have my go-tos that I've been showing people for years.
That is Hippo Fart Explosion and Cannonball Dookie are my constant playlists for at least a decade now.
I think Quigs has hit those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you like show them or like recommend them?
If I'm like in a bar and I'm drunk enough.
Oh.
There's like a lot.
I know.
The bar?
It's been a year.
It's been a while.
But like if I was like, you want to see something?
Yeah.
That's like my go to.
And what's the time?
They're each like 30 seconds.
They're not. They're like a second long. Accept it. What the hell? Wait. T-shirt. Oh, he's my go-to. What's the time? They're each like 30 seconds. They're like a second long.
What the hell?
Wait, TJ.
Oh, he's a cat.
There was chaos in there when Sass said he was Pokemon trainer.
They were not prepped for it.
Uh-oh.
Also, they had two Pokemon trainers in there,
so I'm going to be nabbing one of them.
I think they blew the costume budget on TJ.
They did.
Yeah.
Jeez.
Look at his little mittens.
What size is that?
His little kitten mittens.
I like how they're
always wrinkled too.
Always.
Wrinkled ass costume.
It'll be dope though.
It's going to be dope as fuck.
Definitely buy this calendar.
Yeah.
We are kind of
giving it away for free today.
No, because the Photoshop.
Oh yeah.
The Photoshop is where the real magic happens
when we're all Roman soldiers in front of Jussie Smollett.
Oh, we have to do that still, don't we?
Shit.
Yeah, you think you're going to be able to degenerate us all day.
I don't think so.
It's untenable.
That shit is simply not.
Enrique is really getting into the photography.
Yeah.
He is.
I did one pose and he was like
that was good let's do a few more
I was like what?
I did
a lot more
because you're a nice guy
no I don't think I am
I'm a mean pushover
rude pussy
I'm a real rude pussy
hyper conscious of people's feelings.
Hey, why don't you fucking get in that locker?
A timid bully.
If you want, give me your lunch money if you want.
I'd really appreciate it.
Bitch.
Was Alex and Jordan, were they dressed up for Halloween on that episode?
I never got to the bottom of that.
I only saw the clip, and I couldn't tell if it was or was not.
I think Alex was doing the Yellowstone thing, right?
The Dutton?
Not as a costume, right?
She just got really into it.
I think she was really into it.
I don't know what Jordan was.
I think she was Meg Griffin.
I think she was, right?
Pink beanie and big round
glasses. It's gotta be. But was she
for Halloween or was she making
a fashion statement? Oh, I don't know. It was a little
podcast thing. I think because that was their
merch she was wearing. So I think she was trying to make
the merch pop. Oh, she was
accessorizing the merch. I think accessorizing.
Yes. I wish I could
see myself. You look good as
fuck. You look good as hell
I look like a
cool like
Republican nominee
for
who's like
been sucking dick
in a stall
or something like that
yeah I got caught
for sucking dick
in a stall
you look like
Charlie from Lost
I just started that show
I'm like 15 years
behind on television
yeah
yeah
I shouldn't have said that
they're gonna ruin whatever
god damn it.
It's an unruinable show.
It just goes, don't worry about it.
You just ruined it, Brandon.
It was the most fun I've ever had watching a show.
I'm having a great time.
First three seasons, people were obsessed.
The most excited I've been for the next episode.
I already am not liking it.
I don't want any supernatural.
I want it to be purely survival.
You'll enjoy it for a while.
What you don't get watching now, remember when you watched it live and it said coming
next week on Lost and you got that minute? That shit was great. But you don't get watching now, remember when you watched it live and it said coming next week on Lost and you got that minute?
That shit was great.
But you don't get that.
You don't get to experience that.
You just get to watch the next one.
No, it was not the same.
24 was also a fun experience.
I feel like I'm the Sawyer of the Yak.
No, you're not the Sawyer.
I'm the Sawyer of the Yak.
Well, you know what happens to him.
I don't!
That's right.
That's dope.
But as of right now,
that ass is the boon.
Kyle is Hurley.
I'm Evangeline Lilly.
Hello.
Do the Pokemon trainers wear these gloves?
Well, it's just ash.
They were rubber,
so Pikachu wouldn't shock him.
Oh, I see.
Because you're like the Andrew Dice Clay
of Pokemon.
He's just Ash Ketchum.
I'm just Ash.
Jesus Christ.
Kate.
Kate, I'm just Ash.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Look how everybody else's are just like, what could that person be?
Yours is undeniable. I wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he wore green gloves. Oh, no. Look how everybody else's are just like, what could that person be? Yours is...
Undeniable.
I wouldn't have guessed in a million years
that he wore green gloves.
Oh no.
What?
I had no idea.
I think there's moms with hardening gloves.
You might start wearing these more often.
Yeah, you should.
Fingerless gloves.
Big Jay Oakerson.
Yeah.
Nah, you're the Hurley.
Who's Matthew Fox's character?
Roan.
What was his name?
Hey, you're...
What?
Shepard?
No, what was his name?
I don't remember his name.
Jack?
Jack.
What was the food or condiment that they had a bulk supply of?
I don't know yet.
I'm on episode five.
I should not have brought this up.
You shouldn't have brought it up.
That's too early to be bringing up that you're watching a show.
What show?
You are...
You are...
The Korean bitch.
Mean Korean dad.
The guy.
The guy.
The husband.
Okay.
I'll take it.
You're going to make me button this up.
He's not mean.
He's a good-hearted fellow.
I don't know that yet, dickhead.
Wait till you see the twist.
What a fairytale romance they have.
You are Che, your boon sister, who doesn't quite get French.
Oh, well, he doesn't last long.
All right, quick death.
Nah, that would piss me off.
I never watched it.
That wasn't real.
I'm pro not, you know, I don't think a show needs an ending if you can't come up with a good one.
They had a good one, apparently, but they kept getting extended for seasons,
and it was a cash cow for whatever network it was on.
ABC.
I got into Lost because I saw a YouTube video
about how it would have been a great show
if they were allowed to end it when they wanted.
Terrific show.
Yeah, I didn't finish Dexter
because I heard that the end was so bad,
like one of the worst endings to a show,
and I just looked up the ending the other day.
Sucks. He's not naked. Oh. He he looks it i don't have my glass on i thought it was a naked man
yeah i thought that was a naked man oh no it's a sad side seat i didn't know we had a nude suit
i still probably wouldn't have done it though to be fully honest appreciate the honesty look good
everything here you might as well be butt-ass naked.
Good.
For some reason, this is more crass than nudity.
Yeah, this is not good, folks.
This is not a good visual.
For the guy who does a lot of bad visuals,
this might be a bad one.
Oh, I'm a team player.
No one can say I'm not.
No, you are.
I'm not quite.
Feel bad?
Look at these two clowns.
Yeah, look at this show.
Oh, man.
It's really...
Boy, we really got fucked on these costumes.
Yeah.
Give myself some space to the illusion that I have a penis at all.
He didn't give you anything to put in there?
No.
All natural, baby.
You look like the mascot.
All 500 milliliters of me.
Isn't the mascot from Community just the human being?
I think you look like, yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah.
Good show.
This is fun.
You can spoil that one.
I've seen it all.
What did you measure your dick in?
Milliliters.
Milliliters. Isn't that volume? Yeah, but it was the've seen it all. What did you measure your dick in? Milliliters. Milliliters.
Isn't that volume?
Yeah, but it was the only thing he had.
How did you measure it?
Water bottle.
So you could have displaced, right?
You could have filled it to the top, put your...
And then when you pulled it out, however much water was out,
then you could...
I feel like you could have measured it that way.
You lost me on that.
You see what I'm saying?
Can soft dicks build it out?
Give me some scissors.
I have an idea. What do you do?
I think that if I put a shirt on
and my jeans on, I'd look awesome.
You'd look great. It's like very skin tight.
How are scissors going to help?
I'm going to get my hands free. It's like the Spanx that women wear.
Yeah, right. They're wearing male.
I might just be a Spanx guy now.
Yeah.
A full body Spanx?
Yeah.
Not a bad idea.
No, God damn it.
We got screwed, Brandon.
How's that sexy?
That's not sexy at all.
That's Rone's face.
It's shiny.
Dude, they tried to get me to get naked underneath this.
Look where it goes.
I would have.
You'd be football with a testy.
Had to refuse getting naked.
They said they're going to talk to HR about it, though.
Yeah, I just went in there and, like, ripped off my pants,
and I was like, wait, sorry, I should have asked for permission first.
It feels like that's something that could get me in trouble.
I'm afraid if you cut off the hands, that thing's going to shoot up your arm, right?
I think it will.
You think so?
I don't know.
Well, I could keep some of it.
There we go.
Yeah, like a finger ring.
There we go.
I'm testing out whether if I wear spandex, do I look hotter.
Of course you do. Definitely.
Well, you look sexier. Well, now with that hanging, you look like a fat person who's
lost weight. You have arm fat. Off the wrist like that? I don't know where fat goes. That's
where it goes. I've never lost weight. Yeah. I've only gained. I'm going to cut myself.
Can you do this? I can't do it lefty
I can't do it lefty
Just get a hole started
Right on my wrist
Thank you
So next we're all warriors?
Mm-hmm
Gladiators?
We're boxes, aren't we?
Oh no, who's a box?
We're boxes
No, we're all
No, we're
Gladiators
TJ's a box
Oh, that's right He's a box. Oh, that's right.
He's a box in Tiananmen Square.
Alright, let's see what this looks like.
Yeah, this might be awesome.
This might be my new go-to.
And with winter coming up, you could just be like, yeah, it's cold.
I need this layer.
I don't need a winter coat.
I got my spandex suit.
You should get Nick's six-pack suit.
Oh, yeah.
If you could throw that on.
That was the sweatiest thing of all time.
That almost murdered Nick.
Yeah, it was very hot.
Not breathable.
Fuck.
You just trapped yourself.
Boy.
Huh.
Spanx does have a men's line called Sculpt.
Oh.
So you know.
Huh.
Probably got to put on pants too.
Probably.
I don't think so.
You look like a toddler right now.
Like.
Yo.
But your top looks nice.
Oh my God.
Whoa.
It does work for the top.
Look at you.
I'm working out.
Yo. Holy fuck. Skin I'm working out. Yo.
Holy fuck.
Skinny cat's back?
Yo, this is a good vision.
This neck thing is a fucking problem.
It works pretty fucking well, dude.
Whoa, I look good.
Yeah, you're going to go.
I actually do.
Oh.
Still, though, maybe it's good backwards because there's a little bit extra neck coverage.
Yeah.
Ultimate chubby move just to wear your shit backwards.
Yeah, a girdle.
One downside, you get bad gas in those.
Really?
Heard from a friend of a friend.
Really, it just squeezes you up.
Yo.
You legitimately look thinner.
I look way thinner.
Wow.
Holy shit.
I've never taken this off.
God damn, bro.
Why would you ever work out when you could just wear it?
Yeah.
When you can just tuck it in Wear a spank, yeah.
When you can just tuck it in.
Start spanking it every day.
I think we ran out of good costumes.
Box was my first idea I wrote.
Why?
Why?
Look at him.
It's a box.
TJ's a box.
That's how he was boxed?
I was just expecting there to be suspenders and it was like a box around him.
Nah, just box.
He probably didn't even have to be in it.
That's TJ in there.
That's all of them, right?
No, we have the gladiator costumes. Until we go.
They just got dropped off.
Yeah.
We're not changing to them here, are we?
No, we don't have to.
Should we put the gladiator costumes over our current costumes?
Probably not.
I can't really move in mine
Oh we're all gonna be gladiators
It's just gonna be
Dope as hell
I called Decimus Meridius
I called Decimus Meridius too
No you could be Decimus Maximus
You can't be fucking Meridius
No I said two as in the second
The younger
Decimus Merius, the younger.
Is he dead?
No, you're thinking of Pliny the younger.
Well, they are a different guy.
Pliny.
Heard you got the 2XL, Brandon.
Oh, my God.
He's not a big boy.
Look at him.
This one's an XL.
Who are you calling a big boy?
I'm a medium.
I'll take an XL.
This thing is kind of choking my neck. You got a big boy? I'm a medium. I take an XO.
This thing is kind of choking my neck.
You got a single X?
All right, wait.
So where are we taking the last picture?
We have to do it in the green screen?
Or should we do it in the studio?
Let's do it in the studio.
Yeah, let's do it in the studio.
We'll just Photoshop Jesse Smollett in.
I have to walk out.
Can we do like 20 more minutes of yak and then we'll finish with it?
All right, perfect. That'll finish with it? All right.
Perfect.
That'll be the last.
All right.
Perfect.
Can I get out of my costume?
No.
Let's do 20 more minutes of yakking and then we'll finish with everyone getting in their gladiator suits.
And we'll finish the show that way.
Look at this.
This is cool.
That looks good.
Those look cool cool Bring that home
Hey Pete
Come here
Yeah
Get his ass
Yeah
One time
Butthead of the day winner
You look fat
I look good
Why did you guys
Cut out my joke
What was your joke
Uh
Che
Che is
Jay cut his
Hey
You had a joke yesterday?
He had a joke?
Probably wasn't.
In the microphone, Pete.
In the microphone, Pete.
It was your joke.
Did you try to cut him?
What was the joke?
He tried to have another kid?
Go back and find the joke and see if it was funny.
I can't recall a joke at all.
I think he just came in and said you're a butthead
And then he left
Exactly what happened
That shit's hilarious
That's hilarious
Nick Cannon is hilarious daddy
What's that from?
Chappelle Show
Ever heard of it?
It was a sketch comedy show
Yeah before your time.
I guess you didn't catch them all.
Of course, of course I know the Chappelle show.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
Rank your best sketch shows of all time, Seth.
As an aspiring comedian.
No need to watch the Brandon Walker show tonight.
We'll be spoiling it now.
Brandon, you could give your best sketch shows of all time.
We can build a list if you guys would like.
Live in Color.
In Living Color?
I was trying to throw in a diversity answer.
Failed.
Made yourself sound even more white.
Live in Color.
Yeah.
There's the Wayans family and Jim Carrey.
There was a white broad, too, but I don't remember her name.
It's crazy that Mikey Day was on Mad TV and SNL.
Tommy Davidson was on there, too.
Who else was on both Mad TV and SNL?
Will Sasso?
No.
No, but he's funny, though.
Mikey Day is still on SNL, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who else is on both?
I thought Michael...
Taron Killam.
Like Bo Jackson.
Two-sport athlete.
Yeah.
Deion Sanders.
Deion Sanders.
Two-sport athlete.
That apparently...
Sas, apparently the YouTube chat is calling you Rash Ketchum.
Oh, that's pretty fucking good.
Alright,
that's a good jab.
I'll take that one on the chin.
I'll take that jab.
Fair play, buddies.
Alright guys, you have your fun.
Should we spin the wheel?
Get that out of the way?
Sass had to get wet yesterday.
It was great.
No way, Sass.
It was actually perfect because he just said he wasn't going to get nude.
Does wheel reset after a wet?
No.
Wet remains on the wheel.
Oh, yeah.
Did you cry?
No, I went and I got wet.
Oh, my God.
What a pussy.
It was fucking funny.
You're such a pussy.
Let me tell you one thing. It was was fucking funny. You're such a pussy. Let me tell you one thing, it was funny
as fuck.
You're such a pussy.
When are we gonna
when are you
signing up for a job, KB? Yeah, we gotta get that.
I gotta take you out to lunch too, it's coming up.
I'm about to have all my Fridays
free after these next
three. We got an update from the job
thing yesterday afternoon.
Not going to be sold immediately,
so we can do it without it soon.
Alright, we'll do it without.
Once they sell it, we'll just have to do it again?
No.
I spin this shit.
I can't see anything.
Oh no, it's wet and it's you, Nick.
Oh, well.
Stinky cloud.
Oh, no.
I was hoping for a wet there.
I want a stinky cloud so bad.
I want a wet.
I wanted someone to get wet.
In costume.
Wet wearing a wig would suck.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I feel like wigs are not capable of getting actually wet.
They probably smell.
Gross.
Yeah, I think so. Steven as a wet tree It'd probably smell. Gross. Yeah, I think so.
Steven as a wet tree would have been funny.
Yeah.
Or Kyle walking on water.
Zana, I just talked about it.
Doesn't a wet reset the whole wheel?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think the wheel.
I don't think so.
We've hit enough wheel resets at people.
I think it's just wheel reset.
Because we've changed wet, so it's only one person gets wet.
Yeah, so just wheel reset resets.
Most likely someone's going to get wet again this week.
Whoa.
Just throwing it out there.
Are you predicting it?
Just throwing it out there.
Again, Friday, we're doing Henny Friday with painting, the paint battle.
Henny again?
I'm working.
Well.
Does it got to be Henny?
Or can it be liquor of our choice?
99 Apple. It's people paid for Henny.? I'm working... Well... Does it gotta be Henny? Or can it be liquor of our choice? 99 Apple.
People paid for Henny.
99 Apple.
I'm trying to get a club-sized bottle of Henny.
Nebuchadnezzar?
Yeah.
It's like the biggest champagne bottle?
You should have to spend however much you made on whatever Henny that gets you.
Okay.
There's gotta be a store in New York that sells like a fucking
massive Henny bottle.
Yeah.
We asked the security
boys.
They know where to get
the club sized.
Hey you're right.
He had the goose.
Yeah.
We'll send Ebo out.
That's still one of my
all time favorite clips.
Yeah.
It was so funny.
Dan pulling the fucking
gray goose bottle out. What was the backdrop for that? That was toe funny. Dan pulling the fucking gray goose bottle out.
What was the backdrop for that?
That was toe surgery day?
It was toe surgery.
Toe surgery.
Jesus Christ.
He pours some alcohol on it.
Then he convinced us that he was a foot doctor, a podiatrist.
Yeah.
We just believed him.
Believed him.
They only said it once, so it didn't really take much convincing.
Yeah.
It sounded good.
A security guard can get away with saying any lie.
Pretty much.
You just believe their demeanor.
You believe them.
Yeah.
And they have seen some shit.
Oh, yeah.
They've seen shit.
They've seen some shit.
Oh, yeah.
For sure.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You guys have seen some shit.
I've been listening to Kill Tony a bunch, Seth.
Oh, yeah.
That show's pretty funny.
It's funny.
Sometimes it's hard to watch.
It makes me want to do a live show of us and have a concept for a live show for us.
I don't know what the concept is.
Very smart idea.
What's the premise of it?
They have a comedian come up.
Usually it's like open micers.
And they'll do one minute of comedy in front of like a live crowd.
And then it's like Tony Hinchcliffe.
Who's the other guy?
Ryan Redband.
Ryan Redband and then usually a guest or two guests.
And there's like a band and stuff.
And then they usually just talk to them for like 10 minutes after.
And they kind of roast them for their.
Sometimes there's really good comics on. And sometimes it's like out of roast them for their... Yeah. Oh. Sometimes there's really good comics on and sometimes it's like
out of body experience how bad it is.
Yeah.
And it's like tough to watch.
We should do a live show
where it's like an eliminator
so that it ends up being one person on stage.
That would be fire.
Yeah.
One person in the crowd.
Kick everybody out.
Yeah, they have to stay.
Yeah.
Double eliminator.
I like the idea. We started immediately so somebody will buy a ticket and leave 30 seconds. Yeah, they have to stay. Yeah. Double eliminator? I like the idea.
We start it immediately,
so somebody will buy a ticket
and leave 30 seconds later.
Yeah, that would be funny.
Wow.
I like the idea that we had a while ago
of taking pictures of everybody
as they arrive at the show
and then just roasting everybody.
Roasting, yeah.
Putting it on a projector.
Oh, I like that.
On the show projecting,
and you just put it on a projector and roast them.
I like that.
It's really about how we hate ourselves.
Your insecurities, yeah.
It's just a good name.
That is good.
I'd do that.
I don't know.
It just was sweet that he's been doing this live show,
and this crowd is fucking whooping it up, fucking loving it.
He's got all these stud comedians coming on.
An Eliminator show would be awesome if it was like a
first date and like the dude goes yeah
gone yeah or the girl goes and the dude's
just like no I gotta stay for this I
fucking love these guys I mean let's be
honest if your first dates a yak live
show you've already eliminated yourself
yeah yeah that would be tough there's
there's you want to come see this show
but you might have to leave, but I can't.
Two of the mics work.
Because I'm going to wait afterwards and kiss one of them.
That would be so...
That would be so...
I should love that.
Did you see somebody selling a yak coin on eBay?
I feel bad.
Oh.
Yeah.
What number?
I don't know, but he said he has a wedding coming up, and he needs the money.
Oh.
I know.
What's the bidding at?
No idea.
Dude, my aunt just asked if I could get a yak coin for my grandmom.
Oh.
I was like, dude, how am I going to get a yak coin for my grandmom?
You guys are all going to kiss my grandmom?
I would plant one on her.
I'd kiss Brandon's mom
on Saturday.
You did? For real?
You did?
She was funny in that video, Brandon.
It was a very funny video.
I kissed her multiple times.
You did one picture with her.
You had one interaction.
It was a few pictures.
It was two interactions, a few pictures. It was one interaction. It was two interactions.
A few pictures. Was she proud to see her
baby boy at work live? She had a good
time. She was having fun.
She
all says this. Your mom is
a very nice woman. I talked to
her. Okay. Alright. I see where
you're going with this.
She did slip me her room card as
I was walking away.
I stayed in the same room with her, Big Cat.
I know. She was like, we'll make
that boy shut up.
No way.
That boy stays out in the sun
for another five minutes.
You won't hear from him the rest of the day.
I know my boy.
We just sit Brandon
on the edge of the bed and turn the TV up
real loud.
Turn up Shark Week.
Brandon's sleeping on the edge of the bed
like that episode of The Office.
She's probably a very nice lady.
You seem very funny in that video.
She was very nice.
Very nice lady.
Very sweet.
Yeah, she killed that video. So your parents have seen the live show. My dad very funny in that video. She was very nice. Very nice lady. Very sweet. Yeah, she killed that video.
So your parents
have seen the live show.
My dad went to a live show.
Kyle,
your mom's got to
come out to one.
No.
Maybe the Eliminator show.
No,
it would just be,
she would love to,
but no.
No.
You're forbading it?
The goalie Jim Carrey
used to not let
his sister come to games
because he thought that she was a jinx.
Whoa.
Oh.
That's a pretty good one.
I kind of like that.
Isn't that a good stat?
That's an athlete, yeah.
Yeah, Jim Carrey, the goalie.
I read that in Sports Illustrated for kids.
Retained it.
Wow.
What a great magazine that was.
Incredible magazine.
It really was.
Incredible magazine.
I'll still, like, I'd rather read that than the red.
Yeah.
More pictures.
And good-ass illustrations.
Yeah, like free posters in there, too.
The cards and the, yeah.
Yeah, the rip-out pictures.
Any book or magazine with a majority of pictures, I'm in.
Right.
Yeah.
Used to have them at the doctor's office, and I would steal the posters.
No.
What?
Sass.
You bad boy. Yep. And I would grab a sticker on the way out,. No, Sass. You bad boy.
Then I would grab a sticker on the way out too.
That's a good boy.
Any lolly for you ever?
Oh no, not at the doctor's office.
The bank had the lollies
that had the rope around the bottom
instead of a stick. You can't get those anywhere
else but the bank.
Barbershop has the lollies too.
They got dum-dums? they got dum-dums?
They got dum-dums.
Not with the rope.
Dum-dums are ubiquitous.
Ropes, yeah.
The rope ones are flat.
Which is y'all's favorite dum-dum?
Cream soda.
Look at our little butt boys.
Raspberry, by the way.
It's your root beer.
Blue raspberry.
Blue raspberry.
Blue raspberry's the best.
We should do a whole bag of dum-dums for a show once.
Destroy our mouths.
That's our live show.
Dum-dums can be weapons.
The live show ends when all the dum-dums are gone.
And you can't chomp them.
You can't chomp.
One chomp, you're kicked out.
Oh, I can't.
I can't.
I only chomp.
Especially Jolly Ranchers. You chomp. I've never sucked a dum-dum all the way. I only chomp. Especially like Jolly Ranchers.
You chomp Jolly Ranchers?
Right through them.
Really?
What about a Tootsie Roll Pop?
Right through them.
Really?
I once chomped a Jolly Rancher in fourth grade, and it stuck, and I thought I was not going to be able to open my mouth.
Yeah.
Mine means you never have a chance.
The kid who had no blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers in his bag, it was a video, but he was eating them like chips.
Jolly Ranchers like chips.
He used to do that.
Put that in your mental file, Brandon and Seth.
I don't want head from them.
No.
Why not?
You just chomp on it.
Anything that should show my mouth power is very strong.
Okay, fine.
Prove it.
Wait until it meets Hard Nicky.
Prove it.
What about on the wheel like lollipop race?
The jawbreaker.
The too long.
You know the kind you get down the Jersey Shore,
like the really big, long lollipops?
Yes.
Those are like the rainbow ones.
Like the rainbow.
Yeah.
Which, in retrospect.
Just licking it.
Phallic rainbow.
Very.
I would be grooming.
You'll see that on Libs of Toxin.
Do you actually eat one of those?
Yeah, totally.
All the way down?
I mean.
I've never had one.
One of the big.
What do you think they're going to do with the dead stock of Yeezys?
Oh.
Yeah.
Save them.
Good question.
Sell them 20 years from now.
So what happened today?
Adidas dropped.
Yeah.
That was like the.
That's the final like.
Yes, that's a big one. Fucking cancel culture, you know. Yeah. That was like the, that's the final like. Yes, that's a big one.
Fucking cancel culture, you know?
Yeah.
Fucking hate it.
So it was like $200 million worth of merch
that was going to go unsold
or something like that.
And that now his current stuff
is going to go on sale
like for a ton on the,
whatever.
Fucking cancel culture, man.
But what do you
What do you think about
What he said
Sassy
Jolly Ranchers right
Yeah
Oh god
What
They got me no
Blue raspberry dog
So I'm eating
Jolly Ranchers right
How
How's he doing it
I can do that
Very easily
No way
I also eat Jolly Ranchers
Like that
No
You gotta feel bad now.
You don't put it in your mouth and immediately crunch, though.
You suck on it.
Yeah, because usually, I mean, you don't just have one Jolly Rancher you're going through.
He went straight in.
A couple does.
Going through a couple does?
I don't do that.
A couple does?
A couple doesn't?
I got to see this.
Are you grabbing Jolly Ranchers?
Yeah, I do the same thing.
I haven't had Jolly Ranchers in a long time.
I don't think that's a dozen candy.
It's a box.
Amazing.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you're not just having one or two Jolly Ranchers.
You're having a lot.
I think you should have one or two.
Yeah, I think that's one or two.
You can have just one.
Wrap one out the door.
The way out the door, throw it in.
You know what's a very underrated candy is those Jolly Rancher chews,
the ones that are kind of shaped like Starburst.
They're great.
Those are so fucking good.
I've been on the
giant nerd gummy clusters.
Oh, those are good.
Those are good.
Ooh, I like those.
I get more animated talking about
candies than I do when we're talking about titties.
Yeah, candy is so good.
I don't need a lot of candy
anymore because when I was a kid, I was
a candy boy. Candy boy?
Every day, just slugging down candy.
I still am
a candy boy. Oh yeah, when I'm at the
checkout and I see a little Butterfinger up there,
I'm fucking, oh. Give me a
York Peppermint Patty. If that
stripper was in here with a couple Snickers,
Sass wouldn't have even seen it. No, no.
Not like that candy.
I'm talking about strictly the gummies.
Gummies.
Gummies are the best.
Chewies, the suckies.
Don't get me started on the fucking suckies, dude.
No chocolate.
What suckies are you talking about?
Telly Ranchers.
But you chew those.
Oh, but you suck for moments.
Okay, so maybe he is nice at the head game.
His head game might be crazy.
That shit might be bananas.
Anything that's just gooey.
So just like a gummy.
Anything that has an ooze.
Gummy with an ooze.
Post bite ooze.
PBO, dude.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's good.
Gusher.
Oh, put the whole pack in your mouth.
Gushers are candy, are candy right Yeah I think so
I think at this point in my life
If I stopped eating a pack of Gusher's a day
My body would shut down
Wouldn't know what to do
Are Gusher's technically fruit snacks
Oh my god yes
They're so good
No Gusher's are candy
No they're fruit snacks
Those are fucking candy
I disagree they're fruit snacks
No fruit snacks are
Oh they're not candy
Fruit snacks are candy Fruit snacks are not candy Yeah You said fruit snacks. Fruit snacks are not candy.
Fruit snacks are not candy.
You say fruit snacks so you feel better about it.
Welch's fruit snacks are not candy. Gummy bears are gummy bears.
Yeah, but the Scooby-Doo fruit snacks are candy.
The blue ones are.
They almost have to be semi-transparent.
No, Gushers are more candy.
Are we just rewriting the rules on the spot or what?
Are Gushers candy?
Anything you can't.
Fruit snack.
Wow.
That's insane.
Dude, that's a fruit snack.
Anything you can't buy individually is not a candy.
Shark bites.
So an M&M is in a candy.
What, Jay?
It's in its own bag.
It's in a bag.
I'm sorry, like individually.
Oh, Nick just got you.
M&M's not candy.
You're buying an individual Gusher.
No, no, no.
Like you can't buy a single pack of gushers.
You have to buy a box of gushers.
Oh, I see.
He's right.
See what you mean?
He's got you.
I think you're right.
He's got you.
It's a fruit snack.
Except you can buy a single pack of gushers at, like, a concession stand at a high school
football game.
That does not count.
I'm talking about a store.
A gusher is worth it.
Oh, Sass has you there.
I think I got you.
I think I got you.
Sass could sell a pack of gushers right now.
What? You could just, if you had a pack of gushers, you could sell it think I got you. Zazz could sell a pack of Gushers right now. What?
You could just, if you had a pack of Gushers, you could sell it.
Oh, easily.
Yeah, I would buy it for $10.
I'd probably buy it for $100.
An Airhead.
Ooh.
Blue Airhead.
Not really for me.
Not really for me.
History.
Blue Airhead is one of the best candies.
I don't like the consistency.
I don't like it either.
Remember shaking the bag, getting into a little ball at the bottom?
Oh, I did forget. Oh, man. It was't like the consistency. I don't like it either. Remember shaking the bag, getting into a little ball at the bottom? Oh, I did forget.
Oh, man.
It was the early days tobacco.
I like the Tootsie Rolls as well.
I can have this goddamn awesome.
No.
None of us are out.
I'm going to go to 230 and then we'll do the Warriors and then we'll end.
Warriors.
I used to be a big Swedish Fish guy as well, but they gave me the shit.
I don't like that taste.
Give me the runs.
I like Swedish fish.
Not for me.
Swedish fish make me fart like nothing before.
Peach rings are good.
Peach rings, great.
Gummy sharks.
Oh, yeah.
Gummy frogs.
Gummy frogs.
Gummy frogs.
Gummy sharks might be top tier.
Yeah, gummy frogs and gummy sharks.
You had the sour eggs, the sour trolly eggs that have a hard shell.
I'll bring them in tomorrow.
No.
I'll give you one.
I'll just give you one and watch you suffer.
Sour eggs.
I don't like those.
Oh, nickelit.
Wax bottles suck.
Wax bottles suck.
Wax bottles are good.
Love them.
Love them.
They're so good.
And especially if you have braces.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Why did Swedish fish just go red?
All their other colors are.
They have tropical. Yeah. Why did Swedish fish just go red? All their other colors are- No, they have tropical.
Yeah.
But not readily available.
You can find them in fancy grocery stores.
But they're not.
But you can't get them bagged.
Yeah, you can.
What?
The tropical?
Yes.
It's like the green and yellow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like them.
I like just red.
Oh.
When Sour Patch Kids dropped the blue only pack.
I don't remember that.
Oh, you don't?
They were shaped like little berries.
Are those good?
They only have the blue. Are they as good as when you
find the blue in the wild?
I don't like the cheese extra toasted.
I just like to find an extra toasted cheese in a regular box.
I disagree.
I agree.
Mentos, just the strawberry sleeve.
Oh, yeah. Incredible.
I don't fuck with the other Mentos.
I think if those were in a bag,
they wouldn't be. You don't like the orange Mentos?
I don't like the orange Mentos. And also,
who the fuck, let's find out the person
who buys the mint
Mentos. Nobody does
that. My dad actually used to do that
a long time.
He stopped.
He used to have those in his bag 24 hours a day.
That's crazy.
Mentos are...
Like as a mint replacement or as a candy?
I don't know.
Because if you get those as a mint replacement,
I don't think it's doing the job.
No.
I don't know what they were for.
I think it was probably as a candy.
Candy cigarettes were still a thing when I was a kid,
and they were disgusting, but it was super cool.
Candy cigarettes were so bad.
It was super cool, but they were...
They were also just so funny, just being like,
let's get kids
to want to smoke.
That's a fave.
KB has been pretty silent
as everyone's getting
their food takes off.
Oh.
Just chiming in
when I see fit
I'll wait to something.
Do we have another
ad we have to do
or do we do it?
Hello Fresh.
Hello Fresh.
You know one thing
I like more than candy I can't food. Read it Nick. HelloFresh. One thing I like more than candy, I can't food.
Read it, Nick.
You got this.
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number one meal kit i read better without glasses yeah you. You do, don't you?
I guess I do.
It's your intuition.
You just know what they're going to say.
You're a copywriter at heart, more so than Brandon's uncomfortable ass.
Yeah.
Why are you uncomfortable?
Well, my shoulders are cold.
Well, the way you're kind of leaning back, though, your titties are pooling on your chest.
It's flattering.
I'm saying it looks good. Your titties are pooling on your chest. It's flattering.
I'm saying it looks good.
I mean, he's in a full costume, and he's in a full costume,
and you just have a football draped around you,
and he's wearing his clothes, and she's wearing a full costume,
and he's just got a wig on, and I'm sitting here with my titties out.
Did you see the before and after of Dan on Twitter?
No.
It's noticeable.
Yeah, I look awesome.
Yeah.
I need to start doing this all the time.
Are you hot, though?
Are you starting to get a little... It is a little warm.
A little toasty.
That means you're going to lose weight.
Holy.
Oh, God.
Look at that.
Whoa.
I've got to start doing that.
I just start wearing this every day.
I'm going to buy Spanx.
Wow, dude.
I'm going to become a Spanx guy.
Yes.
People have to be doing that without our knowledge.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
Absolutely.
Spanx undershirts?
Why not?
What happens when you
catfish someone to...
What happens when you have to
slip off the spank
in a moment of intimacy?
That's what we do all the time.
Those days have passed for me.
Yeah, I'm saying
for a guy who's out in the wild...
In their 30s with two kids,
you're not having a quick moment
of intimacy.
And I think if you get to that point,
she'll settle.
She'll be like,
all right.
That's when you just rip them off. How much think if you get to that point, she'll settle. She'll be like, all right. Yeah, fine.
That's when you just rip them off.
How much money do you have?
Okay, fine.
Yeah.
Hair off my Spanx.
Yeah, right.
Oh, these are custom Spanx?
Okay, fine.
You could also probably just...
It's just...
It makes a noise, too.
A levee breaking.
It's like getting a Play-Doh out of a tube.
You crack the crescent roll on the counter and it just...
It's like fart putty when you put it back in.
Someone has that on their desk upstairs.
Fart putty?
I wanted to take it, but...
It's ours.
It was for the end of the scavenger hunt.
It's still on someone's desk, right? No, it looked like an untouched fart putty. Yeah, It's ours. It was for the end of the scavenger hunt. It's still on someone's desk.
No, it looked like
an untouched fart putty.
Yeah, that's ours.
I'm going to start
wearing Spanx
and you guys are going
to have to figure out
what day I start wearing Spanx.
You'll just come in here
confident as fuck.
Yeah, we'll know.
Probably true.
Kyle, does it piss you off
that you wake up every day
at 5 a.m. to go to the gym
and Big Cat can put on a...
All I had to do
was put this thing on
and it looked great. Especially in the winter.
Yeah, what does it fucking matter?
What am I doing?
You couldn't even get naked
for the Jesus Christ costume?
Yeah, my next opportunity.
Yeah, when is it?
So was Jesus the guy
sitting on the casting couch?
I'm trying to think.
I don't know.
About to get fucked or was he...
Like Blizzard Beach.
What did you do in the casting? We're going to think. I don't know. About to get fucked? Or was he... Like Blizzard Beach. What'd you do in the casting?
We're going to see
what they do with it.
They were so disappointed
Kind of going to be
shirtless with this.
There you go.
A little bit, yeah.
Five more minutes
and the titty's up, Brandon.
Five more minutes.
A cold shoulder.
You poor thing.
How cold?
You don't touch.
Your head is a totally different color than the rest of your body.
It's the only
part of me that gets sunlight.
Correct sunlight, anyway.
You need to start carrying around a parasol.
What are those socks?
Those are the Heartbreak Kids Shawn Michaels.
Oh, wow.
Used to have a show where... Really are 12, wow. Used to have a show where I...
Really are 12 years old.
Used to have a show where I discussed wrestling.
I love it.
Yeah.
That was you?
Yeah, well, kind of.
Me and old Maxwell Jacob Freeman.
Had a good time.
He was just in the gym.
Yeah.
I thought his butt looked weird, though.
Someone was actually just talking to me about wrestling.
You have a weird left cheek?
Oh, he's going to be pissed off about that.
I know, but...
Wait, do we have a picture?
His left cheek looked weird.
And I feel like I was the only person that was...
I just tucked it away because I didn't feel like it was appropriate to say.
I didn't want to say anything because...
I didn't either, but I just had to.
I know that he'd want me to be as transparent as he is with me.
Has he ever been transparent with you?
I'm sure he said something mean to me passing through.
He was mean to Big Ev.
And his left cheek looked a little...
Oh, it's overlapping his other one.
His left cheek is flat.
It's on top of his right cheek.
Right cheek is a rat.
It almost looks like his butt implants exploded.
He has a diagonal ass. Yeah, he has a backslash ass crack. It's a half cheek. Right cheek is a red. It almost looks like his butt implants exploded. He has a diagonal ass.
Yeah, he has a backslash ass crack.
It's a half cheek.
That rhymed beautifully.
Wow.
Backslash ass crack.
Did a lot of people comment?
Yeah, backslash ass crack.
Did a lot of people notice right away?
Are there a lot of comments?
I have never seen it.
I think there's some people saying they're funny asses.
I wouldn't go through a wrestler's Twitter.
They're not good.
Okay.
Why?
It just gets a little rough in there.
Why?
Why?
Is your guy's fan base any type of way?
Oh, everybody's fan base is some type of way.
Not the Swifties.
No.
Not the Swifties.
All love.
Docile's could be.
Oh, yeah.
Cheeked up.
That was an all-time video.
He's only half-cheeked up.
Only his right cheek's cheeked up.
No, no, the video.
I saw the baseball.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe his cheek got popped by the ball.
How are you feeling about the fighting?
I feel incredible.
Astros are really good.
Okay.
You don't think the Phillies have been playing pretty good?
Been playing pretty good.
Astros haven't lost in the playoffs.
Or do.
Yeah, they do.
The last four times that a team has gone undefeated going into the World Series,
they've lost the World Series.
That's a good stat.
Whoa.
Wow.
What were they?
It goes back to when there were only four games before the World Series.
Ah, okay.
No, two of them were four games, and then there was one a couple years ago.
I don't know.
I'd have to look deeper into the stat, but I just rememberized the content.
Oh, no.
I hated that.
Oh, God.
What would a 2-28 alarm have accomplished?
2-28 PM.
Time to get up, Kate.
What the hell?
I know.
That's got to be an alarm when you're napping and you're like, I'll wake up in 10 minutes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't do like Google Calendar.
I still, my brain just doesn't.
So I just put all my dates and times for interviews and everything in a notebook.
And then I set alarms throughout the day to warn me.
Oh, that looks awful.
About 15 to 20 minutes before I have something
to do.
So I have alarms going off all day long telling me what I have next.
What was that one for?
I have an interview at three.
30 minutes to get ready?
Yeah.
32 minutes.
32 minutes.
Why 228?
That's true.
What's that?
Why 228?
I just pick.
So a lot of times I'm setting alarms so often that there's just already a time pick.
So I'm just like, I'll just select that one because that's around the time.
If you have a 228 and a 230. 230 is for the dentist on Tuesday. I'm setting alarms so often that there's just already a time pick. So I'm just like, I'll just select that one because that's around the time.
If you have a 2.28 and a 2.30.
2.30 is for the dentist on Tuesday.
You have a dentist appointment at 2.30?
No, it's at 4 p.m.
It's at 4 p.m., but I remind myself in the hours before.
A little joke.
Otherwise, I'll forget.
Oh, 2.30.
Classic.
Why did the Irish guy only have 239 beans in his soup?
Why?
One more bean would be too farty.
Oh.
Nice.
Okay.
That was pretty good.
Should we dress up?
Yeah.
Should we end the show?
And that way we leave one thing to the illusion.
You have to buy the calendar. I would think so.
It makes sense.
All right.
Buy the calendar.
It'll be out Black Friday.
You've seen most of it.
We're going to get as gladiators and take one last picture.
You have to buy the calendar to see it.
See everyone tomorrow. See you tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act.
It's your strong deck style.
It's a brutal wild. It's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Got a sign to talk shop.
We're doing Yankees pop.
It's the act.
It's the act. It's the act.