The Yak - Jerry Dominates Day Two of the Oregon Trail | The Yak 11-10-22
Episode Date: November 10, 2022The hardest choices require the strongest willsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool....link/barstoolyak
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Kyle's been tucking, but he is having the ass day of all asses.
You're having an ass?
Yo, bro, you cheat them?
See, something happened because I just tried to do the back tuck and no ass.
Brandon looks like he just probably had some tragedy happen.
Probably.
Look at that.
Wait, no.
Let's get his juicy ass with Brandon on the phone with a tragedy in the background. Stand up, stand up. Show them your ass. Show them your ass, no. Let's get his juicy ass with Brandon on the phone with a tragedy in the background.
Stand up, stand up.
Show them your ass.
Show them your ass, bro.
Oh.
It's all right.
Brandon, tragedy?
Do you have a tragedy?
You're on the phone pacing.
I had to help him out a little bit.
My wife paid.
Are we live? Yeah yeah we're live paid a deposit of 500
to a doctor for something that they were going to look at my kid but we ended up we're going to
another doctor to get the work done so we're not going to use the doctor we paid a deposit for
for the pre-work so now we got they won't give me the money back so i'm going to have to go
buck wild and get my fucking money oh let's fuck let's fuck him up. Let's fuck him up.
I love calling a kid going to a doctor getting work done.
Yeah, he's going to get work done.
Like a car.
Tune up.
Get the work done.
Fucking.
Fucking fuck.
That's hilarious.
Where the hell is Kate and Sass?
Sass texted us he can't swing it today.
And an anesthesiologist can suck my dick.
He is?
I think so.
Let's get maybe Jerry in in here he'd be good for
a little
oh thank you
be good for a little
Oregon
Oregon Trail
yeah
what about the wheel reveal
what about the wheel
our new wheels
yeah so we gotta figure that out
yeah I fucking
completely forgot
what's your idea
no here's
just make it up on the spot dude
I was thinking about it
we don't should we reveal what we just say the names of our slices should we even do that though forgot. What's your idea? No, here's... I was thinking about it.
Should we reveal what... We just say the names of our slices.
Should we even do that, though? Should we put our
names on the wheel
and then have TJ
have our wheels
behind it so
it's basically a surprise when you get your
name hit? Yeah, I think that's better for the long haul.
Yeah, for the long haul, but I...
I hope to reveal my slices today.
I thought we were doing a show today.
I had prepared my slices.
I have a whole list of slices right here.
Oh, here she comes,
jamming her fucking pass down our throat.
You didn't get Chick-fil-A for all of us?
It's Marine birthday.
Wait, where did you get that Chick-fil-A?
It's not from me.
Did you get it for free?
No.
Happy birthday, Marines.
Happy birthday, Marines.
Those hats are so cool.
His hat is sick.
I'm not gonna lie
Oh fuck Kate
We gotta just
We gotta just suck Kate's dick now
Thank you for everything
Thanks for just guarding us at night and shit
It's not free
The halls of Montezuma
Who was saying that the Navy and Marine
Are both based on the water though
They are kind of right, dude.
Marines are part of the Naval.
Yeah, we're there like our...
It's all water shit.
It's all water.
We're amphibious.
So, not to
one-up Kate, but did you guys see
Roundball Podcast, Lost in Jew?
No way. For seven episodes?
Why seven? Wait, what?
I don't know.
He's gone off a round ball podcast.
What happened?
He's gone.
Whose choice?
Oh, he's just...
New Deuce.
Oh.
You gotta cut a guy.
Why seven?
I don't know.
It was after seven episodes.
Jerry!
What's up, Jerry?
Jerry Fragrance.
Jerry Fragrance.
We're gonna play some Oregon Trail.
Wait, wait.
Jerry.
Oh, I forgot it's Oregon Trail.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
What a good day.
Did he nail it?
Yeah, he nailed it.
You just said it?
It was subtle.
Let's see if you can get his.
Is it Baccarat?
Oh, wait, let me come with you.
Let me with you.
Jerry smells so good.
Oh, I was using it. Let me try it. Let me with you. Jerry smells so good. Oh, I was using it.
Let me try it.
Let me try it.
It's a winter.
Is that Gucci Guilty?
Oh, that's Ud Wood.
Jerry Spranker is one.
Ud Wood.
Jerry Spranker, the original video.
I might have said it in the original video.
Yeah, you said it in the original video, and it's fucking not coming out.
Is it Ud Wood?
No, no, it's not Ud Wood.
Tom Ford?
No, no, no. It's not wood tom ford no no no it's not
fuck it's not the it's not the ethica i know that because that's strong and that wasn't strong that
was more wintry nutty it felt like i was walking through some evergreen what is it what it spice
spice bomb it's never overwhelming it just follows you lightly in a way that you go.
Oh, I walk by Jerry every day and I'm just like, oh my God, this guy smells so good.
It's the perfect amount.
And he's got a major investor already with Jerry Fragrance, Mike Rapoli.
I don't know if you ever heard of him.
Body armor, vitamin water.
He's investing?
He's very interested.
Can we turn on Jerry's mic?
He's very interested.
Yeah, he is.
I actually said it would be great if we got Mike Rapoli because he's like semi-retired now if we got him to maybe be your intern.
Yeah.
He's interested in doing what?
Backing.
Investing.
Yeah, but what do you do?
What do you mean?
Are you going to create a cologne?
Yeah, so pretty much Bloomingdale's is in talks with me now.
I'm going to do a couple things on their channel, some holiday shopping, Valentine's Day, Father's
Day.
You know, like that movie.
What's the movie?
Is it Elf?
Yeah.
When the store is closed and then they run around and shop, something like that.
Maybe I'll dress up as an elf and talk about the fragrances.
And also this company, Japanese company, Takasagaru.
Who's friend?
What is that? Takasagaru. Whose friend? What is that?
Takasagaru? You nailed it.
Did he not nail it? You have to say it in a deeper voice. That's the pronunciation. Takasagaru.
They back like 90% of the
cologne distribution in the world.
And you're getting in on that?
Well, I'm waiting for my response from Erica, but
I gotta get on that for you. That's my bad.
Somebody does, because I can just always do the deal
myself.
That sounds
It's hardball
It was a threat
It's a little hardball
It's threatening
I feel you on that
I mean if they're not
Gonna get it done
Especially in the timely manner
Just you know
You can
Holidays are coming up
You have the power
Just dip on them
Marcus Agarwood waits for
But Brandon to answer your question
I would like to
Get like my own fragrance
There you go
I would
Good luck.
Yeah, we'll see.
It's going to happen.
You sound negative.
It's going to happen.
I think it'll happen.
I just think there's a lot that goes into it, too.
And having a good one.
It's like having anybody can get a fragrance, but you want a timeless one.
I think the bottle should be shaped like a squished hot dog.
That'd be really funny.
Whoa.
It looks like in tinfoil, so it's hard, but it looks like squished tinfoil.
Yeah, it still looks classy.
That's funny.
I was giving him the idea that we need to create the first ever drinkable fragrance.
Ooh.
How cool would that be?
I guess like-
Yeah.
Yeah.
If wood.
Right.
But that's a drink first, fragrance second. If it's drinkable, you're going to waste all of it by drinking shampoo. Yeah. Yeah. If wood. Right. But that's a drink first, fragrance second.
If it's drinkable, you're going to waste all of it by drinking it.
What do you guys think the best smelling drink is?
Cream soda.
Strawberry or banana smoothie.
Outside of coffee, obviously.
Mmm.
Best smelling drink?
In your colada.
Like after you drink it?
No, before you drink it.
You mean how your breath smells? You mean after. Like after you drink it, your, before you drink it. You mean how your breath smells?
You mean after.
After you drink it, your breath.
He's talking about piss.
No, I mean like there's nothing worse than smelling someone's breath who's had an IPA.
Oh, yeah.
That's disgusting.
I'm out on IPAs.
I was so in on IPAs for a while.
It's just a lot of work.
You feel awful after one. It's just a lot of work. It's a lot of work.
You feel awful after one.
It's like a whole meal.
Yeah, no, if you can drink,
I think if you drink
three IPAs, it's great.
But the problem is that
you're done for the night
after 45 minutes.
When do you want to do that?
Right.
What's that, IPA?
The Pale Ale.
Is that it?
Yes.
Wow.
It's like a heavier beer,
but it's more flavorful.
But if you drink
a couple of them, it just sits in your tummy. It really like a heavier beer, but it's more flavorful. But if you drink a couple of them,
it just sits in your tummy.
It really just bogs you down. You make non-alcoholic
IPAs? Yeah. Do you ever drink non-alcoholic?
You don't drink non-alcoholic beer either? No, because
I think 99% of
non-alcohol has a point
something percent alcohol. That's true. You do.
So that would relapse.
You think it would be like that?
Yeah. Use hand sanitizer?
No
Use fragrance?
Like perfumes and stuff?
Yeah
Oh
You think there's alcohol in that?
I don't know, maybe
Yeah, there is
I don't
He's not consuming it, though
Well, your drinkable one
I won't even eat desserts that have it in
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Like a rum cake?
No, my mom makes that
But I don't eat it
You don't eat it?
She's not a good cook anyway.
Not really.
I loved your blueberry muffin.
Oh, yeah.
Jerry Sweets.
The other one, did you guys see the one where he just called Dougs a bitch?
He's like, this guy eats like a bitch.
He eats like a bitch.
Don't be fooled by his size.
So you called him big, but you still said he eats like a bitch.
He called him a fat bitch.
He got zero wins there.
Yeah.
And he lost too
because he paid the bill.
Oh, he took you out to dinner.
You called him a fat bitch.
He paid the bill
for Stu and you.
He is rich.
Yeah, he's rich.
He's a billionaire.
Billion.
Vanderbilt.
Was he just like picky
or just low portion sizes?
Super low.
So we ordered two thin crust pizzas.
I ate the whole pie.
They're small.
And then he had two or three slices, and I was like, I'm going to take it home.
It's a bitch.
Let's see.
You can't.
You've got to eat the whole pie.
Some people don't like eating in front of other people.
I don't think Doug's is one of those people.
Have you seen him eat much in front of you?
I haven't seen him eat much.
He sits right across from us.
I've caught glimpses, I think.
Oh, yeah.
He's ate for like six hours
of Chinese food on the live stream.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he does eat in front of people.
He eats like a bitch.
He's a bitch eater.
Yeah.
He could have us all killed
at the snap of a finger.
Oh, yeah.
His dad works for the CIA.
Yeah.
It's a fact.
We'll just say that.
So we're not saying what the wheel slices are?
I brought wheel slices.
I have 10 slices.
Okay, so here's my point.
We could do it.
We could show everyone, but isn't there an excitement level of we put everyone on the wheel,
and we start spinning the wheel, and then when your name does come up it's like whoa
what are we gonna do today there is an excitement level but if we reveal these today i mean my name
might not might not be called for six months right that's the excitement level yeah but but
you'll forget what it was but i thought we had a whole show today built on the wheel slice well
basically what i'm trying to say is you didn't realize forgot to fucking do the wheel yeah i
straight up forgot i just had no time.
I was just fucking.
I had time.
I just forgot.
Yeah.
It sucks.
Dude, it took me all of two minutes to come up with ten slices.
Okay, you know what?
I'll text TJ.
I have my wheel.
You want us to.
I met up this morning.
It went over ours.
We were so excited.
You and Kyle will go last.
Yeah.
TJ will build ours as you guys are thinking of yours.
I have mine. Why is yours not that crazy? as you guys are thinking of yours. I have mine.
Why should it be?
It's not that crazy.
How do you have yours that fast?
I have mine.
Oh, it's just one death wheel, isn't it?
No.
It's one slice.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus, Jerry.
You know what?
That was cute, and I'd like you to do it again.
I don't think I can.
Damn.
Was it a sneeze or a laugh?
I want some ground pepper in here.
Stat.
We also have to start Oregon Trail earlier today.
Yeah.
Oregon Trail is like a calling card to other people to bring famous people in here.
Yeah.
Other people in here.
As soon as we get into it, people show up.
Like the Mothman.
Joe Gorga.
I wonder who could show up today.
Frank Cantagna. Did Morgan Freeman just show up out of nowhere? Probably. Morgan the Mothman. Joe Gorga. I wonder who could show up today. Frank Cantagna. Did Morgan Freeman
just show up out of nowhere? Raleigh?
Morgan Freeman canceled? No.
I don't know.
No, no, no. Not by me.
I don't care whatever he did.
Like Bill Cosby. Thanks, Ron.
Has someone canceled him? Why is he like
Bill Cosby?
Well, Ron. That was Ron who said that.
He didn't care what he did.
You think that Freeman did the same thing as Cosby?
I don't think so.
No chance.
And anything less than Cosby, I'm cool with.
Cosby's the line?
Yeah.
God damn it.
Elon has ruined Twitter.
I know.
I've been falling for a lot of shit.
I just fell for one.
Meek Phil's verified.
Rightfully so.
What do you mean you're falling for what's going on?
Someone has a burner mincey, and it said the person replied to the Yak is live being like,
can I come in and talk about my next project?
I know that ain't true.
How is it different than any burner prior to?
I don't know.
Well, now everyone has blue checks.
Oh, this person has a blue check. I haven't updated my Twitter app, so I haven't know. Well, now everyone has blue checks. Oh, this person has a blue check?
I haven't updated my Twitter app, so I haven't seen
those yet. Everybody
has one. I didn't have to update.
I didn't see them last night, and then today they all just
appeared. Some of them are kind of funny.
Like the verified Joe Biden
is like, I'm stroking my cock with lotion right now.
And I was like, whoa!
It kind of got me for a second.
It's one of those things that in five days,
just be back to whenever everyone's verified.
Yeah, it's going to flip back, probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He doesn't have any projects.
Should have known that immediately.
Yeah, see?
That's crazy.
I'm kind of into this now.
It's crazy.
Your dad's going to have a field day, Kyle.
Yeah, I got to tell him to get the check.
Are you texting him right now?
Why did he do this, Elon?
Make money?
Yeah.
That's a good tweet.
Make Twitter profitable?
He should have just tweeted out his Venmo.
Yeah.
Great.
I know people would.
Elon Cucks would absolutely send the money.
But that wouldn't make Twitter money.
He could just give his money to Twitter. absolutely send the money. But that wouldn't make Twitter money.
He could just give his money to Twitter.
He has enough money.
Over leveraged?
He could just make Twitter profitable by putting his other money into it as a consumer.
I think we should start Oregon Trail right now.
It's going to happen again.
What is it?
I'll give our wheels to have them built.
I'll speed run them. We're not going to speed run. We're going to give the wheel slices to have them built. I'll speed run them. Speed run mine.
We're not going to speed run.
We've got to give the wheel slices their just due.
So how are we going to set up the wheel now?
I think there still should be dry, there still should be wet,
and then everyone's name should be on it.
Fine with that.
Fine with that.
Okay.
No, so.
Add a dry and a wet.
A bunch of drys.
Now wait.
I agree that there has to be there has to be many days
where nothing happens.
Well, I have nothing on my wheel.
Right, but this show is like
I think that we
we don't give ourselves enough credit
that when we're just riffing
it's a very great show.
So throw 20 drives on there.
Yeah, right.
So like having
having something happen
every like once a week
would be ideal
that something weird happens that we can go off of.
Yeah.
No more than that, because every day if we do something weird,
people are going to be like, I just want to hear these guys talk.
The magic of the wheel is that it's fluid.
Yeah.
Well, maybe, okay, how about this?
What if we just did the name wheel, like, once a week?
The other regular wheel every day.
Or name wheel could be a slice. Yeah. That doesn't sound
like a revamp at all though.
He's right. Okay, so
one wet, a bunch of dry like it was, name
wheel is a slice. Two name wheel
slices. Two name wheel slices. It hits more often.
So that replaced Lomo Saltado in the
original wheel that's on the Yak logo
basketball. Put Lomo Saltado
back on there. I agree with that.
That's a pillar of this show.
Alright, so TJ, just go
to the real wheel. Are we over-complicating?
No, this is actually not complicated
whatsoever.
Kyle is my canary in the coal mine about this.
No, you put name wheel,
name wheel, two of them,
opposite sides, and Lomo.
I like this. And then we're going to build our name wheels. them. And Lomo. Opposite sides and Lomo. I like this.
And then we're going to build our name wheels.
Right.
And we can replace stuff on our own.
You could take our wheel.
We have some crazy shit that we want to do.
I like this.
Yeah.
Also, what happened to nails?
All right, let it rest for a while.
I think we all got to get them.
No, it's got to go back.
This is fucking hell.
It has to go back.
It can't just be me
and Roan doing this.
This is hell.
Well, actually, no.
This actually is a very
simple way to do the wheel
because now,
if you want nails,
you can put it
on your own wheel.
Oh, fuck.
Cleat week.
No, take cleat week off.
So we gotta do cleat week.
Cleat week's off.
That's a Steven.
That's a Steven problem.
Alright, I think this is good.
This now makes it so
that the wheel, like, we don't ever have to add to this wheel.
No, that's done.
This is the wheel.
This is the wheel.
Everyone's own separate wheel can be added and subtract.
You can do whatever you want on that.
Okay.
You could have a wheel that just is one big slice of Lomo Saltado.
I don't have it on mine, but I do have homemade enchiladas on mine.
I have nachos on mine. See? Okay, good. All right. I have ice cream sundae it on mine. But I do have homemade enchiladas on mine. Oh. I have nachos on mine.
See?
Okay, good.
All right.
I have ice cream sundae party on mine.
See, now we're talking.
Is this it?
That looks good.
That looks great.
Now let's all build our individual wheels.
We'll be on the trail by 1.30.
I'll go first.
1.45 at worst.
That's what we started yesterday.
I got ten slices on my wheel, and none of them are nothing.
Are we building the wheel?
Okay, ten slices.
One, first one is switch clothes with Nick.
Okay.
Oh!
I feel like I'm the universal size of everybody.
Everybody could wear my clothes on this show.
Or just me, at least, and I'm cool with that.
So is that for a week?
It's just for the show.
For the show.
Immediately switch. Nothing would change really right now. Yeah, exactly I'm cool with that. So is that for a week? It's just for the show. For the show. Immediately switch.
Nothing would change really right now.
Yeah, exactly.
Switch clothes with Nick.
Take out 100 and give it to a homeless person and have it filmed.
Okay.
MAGA Hat Monday.
I've done that.
Month you got to wear a MAGA hat.
It does have to be red?
Yes.
Classic.
The classic.
I think you need to slow down for TJ's sake.
Oh, fuck. My bad. I think you need to slow down for TJ's sake. Oh, fuck, my bad.
I can have Monday.
That should be on the red slice, if we're being honest.
Learn a TikTok dance, perform it.
Oh, I like that a lot.
I like that a lot.
For a day.
$1,000 from Roan.
Oh.
What?
That's a good slice.
I want to add that to mine.
I want to add that to mine. I want to add that to mine.
$1,000 for Roan.
Oh, no.
I spoke too soon.
I like that a lot.
I got 10 slices, though.
Am I capped at eight, or can I go 10?
Do anything, brother.
Love that.
It's your wheel.
Homemade enchiladas.
Sleepover show.
Oh, yes.
These are great.
This is a great job.
Ancestry.com.
Whoa.
Oh, I like that.
Everyone has to do their own Ancestry.com.
I don't know anything about me.
And it's really submitting your data to the government.
That's kind of the thing that I'm.
Yeah, that's the thing.
And then 12 tacos right there.
12 tacos then and there.
All right.
12 tacos. And there. All right. 12 tacos.
And that's my wheel.
That's a great wheel.
Good wheel.
I'm prepared to go next.
Okay, that's a great wheel, Roan.
Really cool.
I like that a lot.
We'll be on the trail by 1.30.
1.30.
1.30 on the trail.
1.37 at worst.
I want to be a carpenter over a banker today.
Okay.
All right.
I'm down.
I'm down. I'm down. I'm down.
I'm down.
I'm down.
We're going to fucking die.
I'm so down.
I also have been thinking about it way too much.
I think we should be a carpenter over a banker and buy way less food and just fucking hunt
whatever we want.
Yes.
We don't have sass today.
No, we'll...
Jerry...
I bet Jerry could be...
If TJ again.
But Jerry, I think would be a hunter.
Why?
You gonna hunt for us?
I think he knows how to do it.
Organ trail?
He doesn't know what that is.
He will be good.
Yeah, he'll be good.
He doesn't have prior knowledge.
We'll trade off.
Everyone gets a chance to hunt today.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Find me?
Except for Kate.
She's cooking.
She's gathering. She's never helped a dog in her life. We got a jailbreak. We got Oh, God. Yeah. Find me. Except for Kate. She's cooking. She's gathering.
She's never held a gun
in her life.
We got a jailbreak.
We got to go gather
for her.
Weave some baskets.
Isn't that true?
You're the first Marine ever
to never hold a gun?
Mm-hmm.
That is true.
Okay.
Who's up next?
I'll go.
All right.
So I got...
I'll just start with nachos.
Just stop the show
and we just all order nachos.
The show ends.
Yes.
I fuck with that heavily. Yes. Show ends with nachos. Just nachos. Just stop the show and we just all order nachos. The show ends. Yes. I fuck with that heavily.
Yes.
Show ends with nachos.
Just nachos.
It ends immediately and we don't get nachos.
The next one is like KB's Wild, except it is Tommy's Wild.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, like that.
Tommy Walker will execute all of it.
We'll get them wasted.
Okay.
The third is Yack Pancake Breakfast.
I like that.
Which-
We all have to go out for pancakes? We'll figure that out. I like that. We all have to go out for pancakes?
We'll figure that out.
I like that.
Whatever we think pancake breakfast means that day.
Maybe an early show and Donnie cooks us flapjacks on the griddle?
Perhaps.
Maybe a pancake eating contest?
The next is an immediate game of Scattergories breaks out.
Very fun.
We'll play Scattergories.
Got a good die in there.
I think it's a dodecahedron.
No, it's not a dodeca, is it?
Remember, you can change what's on your wheel whenever you want.
Oh, yeah, this is Tinker Room.
This is just a placeholder.
I think it's crazy.
Me and Rome both had this, but I had Big Cat Gives You $1,000.
Okay, nice.
You actually?
Awesome.
Yeah.
Awesome.
I'm in for that.
We had two very similar, which is also coming up.
Camp Out in My Backyard.
Fun.
We don't get that in the dead of winter.
I just pay the $1,000.
Camp out in my backyard.
What's the buyout?
And this is for – I have two more.
This is for two people.
You would draw a wheel for two.
You have to drive the actual Oregon Trail.
Oh.
You actually have to drive it.
Two people have to go rent a car in Independence, Missouri,
and drive the Oregon Trail.
Oh, my God.
Okay. Okay. Lastly – I thought you didn't want this to drive the Oregon Trail. Oh, my God. Okay.
Okay.
Lastly.
I thought you didn't want this to be a torture wheel.
It's only one.
That's so fucked.
It's only one.
Think about the odds of getting these things.
Yeah.
Look how far you'd have to go.
You'd have to get the name, then you'd have to get the person, then you'd have to get
this.
It'll never be you, dude.
But, Brandon, you wouldn't do this.
You wouldn't do that.
I would do that.
You would not do that.
Keep me up for it.
I would love that. I would land do that. I would love that.
I mean, listen, I got pancake reference nachos.
Brandon, I love it.
I believe the wheel should be all in all good,
but it needs to have at least one something.
Agreed.
Agreed.
My last spot is, and this one's going to require some explaining,
Mega Wheel.
Oh.
Don't explain it.
All right, it's Mega Wheel.
I like that.
I like that. DJ, did you build my wheel? You don't All right, it's Mega Wheel. I like that. I like that.
DJ, did you build my wheel?
You don't have to build it live on air.
All right, you can just reveal mine.
I don't want to explain Mega Wheel.
You want to explain Mega Wheel?
Mega Wheel.
Kind of self-explanatory.
Yeah, it's Mega Wheel.
Okay.
My wheel is very, it's going to be thrilling if I ever get my name.
Very excited.
It's just, it's death, eight slices of death in bloopers. ever get my name. Very excited. It's just death.
Eight slices of death in bloopers.
Oh, my God.
So hopefully we get bloopers that day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I could go for a blooper right now.
It's not actual death.
It's just death.
Like one of them's death by tacos.
Okay.
You have to eat a ton of tacos.
One of them's death by cheesesteaks.
Love it.
One of them's death by water, and we'll actually waterboard someone. Yeah, just death. We waterboarded death by cheesesteaks. Love it. One of them's death by water and we'll actually waterboard
someone. Just death. We waterboarded
before. Yeah, we did. We tried.
I also might adjust mine because I apologize
I didn't have enough time. I'm an idiot.
No, death is good. This is death
wheel. One of them should be
death. F's in the chat for me.
No, no, no. Why are you being hard on yourself?
Being too hard on yourself. This is your wheel and you could tinker
whenever. That's a scorpion assass wheel if I ever saw one.
Just spin it once.
Let's just see.
Very intimidating looking.
Just spin it once.
Purely hypothetical.
Then you would go to our names and see who dies.
Oh, bloopers would have been awesome.
All right, so death would have been that one.
All right, yeah.
That one actually, wait, is that the, that's the real death one.
The black one. Yeah, that's actually, wait, is that the, that's the real death one. The black one.
Yeah, that's actually, you have to kill yourself.
Or you just do something where you could die from it.
There's a chance of dying, so like, get vaccinated.
Brandon would just have to go outside for two hours.
Yeah, Brandon has to stand in the sun.
Brandon has to think about trivia and just pass out.
You know, it's not that funny.
Who's next?
We've got a trail to get to.
I'll go.
The first one is Etsy Bitsy Buyer.
Okay.
Don't need to explain that.
The next one is Lunch of Fate.
Again, self-explanatory.
Somebody has to do a Lunch of Fate.
Lunch of Fate?
Yeah.
Next one is origami?
Oh!
I'd like to have a little explanation for that one.
Next one is VRBs.
V-R-Bs.
B-E-E-S or B-Y apostrophe S?
B-Y apostE-S or B-Y-apostrophe-S? B-Y-apostrophe-S.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
That one's you just have to eat a French dip while you're on a roller coaster in VR.
Okay.
I like that.
It's terrifying.
And we have ML Cake.
Nice.
Then we have Wikipedia.
Okay.
Just Wikipedia? Yeah. Okay. Just Wikipedia?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
And lastly, we have all eyes with three Zs on you.
That's my wheel.
Eyes with three Zs on you.
Seven slices?
Yep.
All right.
What are the chances you remember what all these things are going to mean?
I don't know what they are now, brother.
Yeah. They sound good, brother. Yeah.
They sound good, though.
They're good titles.
By the way, I would like TJ also, Jerry has a slice,
and it will just be me give Jerry $1,000.
Just one big slice.
So if you ever get it, just do it.
And are you sure you're in on that?
On your wheel?
No, he has his own wheel.
It's just he gets $1,000.
Oh, okay.
I got it.
That's funny.
Free money.
That is free money, literally.
No such thing.
No?
No.
You owe him something.
Actually, no.
I give Jerry $1,000.
Half Jerry gives me Baccarat 540.
Oh, God.
It's an even trade.
Yeah, that is. Baccarat 540. Oh, God. It's an even trade. Yeah, that is.
Baccarat 540.
I want some of that.
It's good.
It's really good.
You got the money to spend on it, though?
High end.
All right, who's up next?
KB.
Oh, I ordered Chick-fil-A.
Ready mine now.
I better win.
Just now.
Hey.
Go get it.
Because Kate started eating Chick-fil-A, and I was like, why don't I order Chick-fil-A. Ready mine now. Where? When? Just now. Hey. Go get it. Because Kate started eating Chick-fil-A and I was like, why don't I order Chick-fil-A for
everyone?
Oh, that's a cool color.
I was selfish.
Thank you.
I was selfish.
Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
Ah.
I almost had that one.
Put it on there.
Fish Bowl Friday.
So I'll fill up a big aquarium with liquor in the middle of the room,
and I'm going to get us extra long novelty straws.
Oh, wow.
And we can't finish the show until we finish the large fish bowl.
Oh, wow.
Extra straws.
Extra straws.
Turtleneck week, somebody here has to wear a really stupid-looking turtleneck.
You're twisted.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Some of these are so dumb.
Put it on.
I guess winemaker I would call this one.
Tell me we're stomping grapes.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
This one, my fifth grade brain thought up this one.
Someone will be selected.
You can't leave the show until you fart.
I was trying to think of a fart one, too.
Fart was one of mine that i'll
be here forever just before i don't think i could either i don't know if i could nobody will ever
hear um uh butt quarters i don't fart after 1 p.m is my problem um what's butt quarters it's a it's
a bar game but it's a fun game what if you couldn't leave this room until you farted? I mean, you could be here quite some time.
These are the stupidest.
This is an L wheel.
Suck cock, U.S.
You either have to tweet suck cock, U.S.
with the U.S. flag and a middle finger,
or you have to run over to Penn Station.
You can't delete it.
You have to run over to Penn Station,
take the train to Secaucus and back.
Okay.
That's perfect.
That's good.
That's really good.
And then I think, oh, I had Call a Psychic on here.
I like it.
Like one of those Call a Psychic lines, but that's it.
That's all I got.
Oh, yeah.
Good wheel, good palette.
Thank you.
Yeah, I like Eco Birds.
Eco is green.
Be on the trail soon.
Kyle.
I'm still doing mine, but we can start.
First, bingo.
I love bingo.
Or the dog.
Second, KB photo shoot.
What's that one?
Everyone's gonna bring in A different article of clothing
For me to wear and keep
And then I'm gonna do
A professional photo shoot
Oh that's great
Salad bowl
$100 speed run
Yeah
Barter blitz
This sounds a little bit like
Etsy Bitsy Spire for me
Probably
Yeah
And then Craigslist Crusade.
Yeah.
That's it.
Be close.
Well, all right.
That's Kyle's wheel.
Good-ass wheel.
Is that the Kent State colors?
West Virginia colors, isn't it?
Kent State.
What is Barger Blitz?
Did I spell that correctly?
You want some fries?
Thank you.
I would imagine.
Fries, fries, fries.
Oh, those are warm.
Fries, K, fries. Oh, those are... Fries, fries. Yeah. They're warm. Fries, KB?
No.
Slapping my face.
I ordered Chick-fil-A last night, and they didn't send the fries.
What the hell?
What?
Smells like McDonald's fries, though.
Are you sure these aren't McDonald's fries?
They do smell a little bit like McDonald's fries.
Smell them.
Don't they...
I've been on a strict ketosis meal plan.
Should I...
So I'm on the theory.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Theory what?
I don't know if it's just Manhattan, but Chick-fil-A changed their fries about two months ago.
Yeah.
To McDonald's fries.
They're much lighter.
They're sewing together McDonald's fries.
They're much stiffer, too, and they don't get any sog at all.
There's no sogginess at all.
And I think they're better when they get a little sog to them.
I agree.
I love a soggy fry.
I got chicken for everyone.
TJ, do we have ads today?
Because Steven didn't see them.
Yeah, I handed the prep sheet to, or Jason handed the prep sheet to Nick.
We have three.
Oh, Nick.
All right, okay, so let's spin the wheel.
Now this is the first ever, right?
What's on Jerry's wheel?
Oh, Jerry's, I give him $1,000.
He gives me a bottle of Baccarat 540.
That's pretty good, Jerry.
You're not saying what size so that I could win here, right?
Give him the tiny one.
No, don't give me the tiniest one.
Okay, you want Che's?
Yeah, give us Che's.
Okay.
Che has movie popcorn.
We all order AMC movie popcorn and Che gets to participate if still on TB12 diet.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Bowling night. The entire show schedules a bowling
outing where we play
two games of bowling and drink some beers.
He just wants to hang out.
Sushi, sake night.
He's literally just getting us friends.
Entire Yak goes out to unlimited sushi
and sake night.
Let's veto.
But these aren't good for the show.
At this point, we were going to revamp the wheel to make it show-based.
Just Salad.
We all order Just Salad or Sweet Green for lunch.
That's my Monday through Friday.
This is way worse than Death Wheel.
Abracadabra.
One person the wheel selects must learn not one but two magic tricks.
They will rehearse them and practice on their own
and do a magic show for the group when ready.
Okay.
I like that.
TB12.
This one had to have been worded wrong.
Two people selected must drink half their body weight on water per day for three days.
Must tweet pics after each water is consumed as proof
and keep running tabs of pee breaks.
85 pounds of water.
90 pounds of water. 90 pounds of water.
Total ounces drank regardless of weight after two days.
Half.
Not in ounces to pound.
I wasn't worried or wrong because he thought half was doable.
Box munching.
One person selected must watch pussy eating tutorial and give report on the act the next day or two later.
What? He just picked his life.
Push up week. One person
selected must abide by people's
orders for a full week. If they're told to drop
and give me 20 and do 20 push ups
on command no matter what. That's going to land
on him. So one of these things is
that's the only thing you could do on the show.
Yes. Yes.
I kind of like this though. This is so steep. I will say. It's part of it. I mean the bowling would be could do on the show. Yes. Yes. I kind of like this, though. This is so stupid.
I will say.
It's part of it.
I mean, the bowling would be fun.
Undeniably.
And the show would be better because we'd be closer.
But I still hate it.
All facts.
I hate it in theory.
All right, so I am going to fix mine.
I will just say it.
I apologize again.
I am going to actually think about it.
These apologies.
I don't like it.
You could tinker.
I feel bad.
Tinker. I came bad. Tinker.
I came up with the idea to do this, and then I just didn't do it because I was busy, and I apologized.
CJ, you did one, too?
Yeah.
What is yours?
Hibachi.
We got a hibachi chef in here.
He does a hibachi show.
Oh, I like it.
That's awesome.
He does a hibachi show.
That's awesome.
Hershey's Sunday Pie.
That's just we all order Hershey's Sunday Pies.
Milk's Revenge. Oh, no. That's a gallon challenge back on the wheel oh hell yes um rucker's days
we know we all wear rucker stuff and maybe get some rucker's guests on the show as long as you
don't make us go there classic wet that's just wet and then uh gaming day which is a day of just
games i like this.
Should we put another name wheel on the wheel
so that we hit some of these?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought we were going to just spin all of our names
and see who...
No, because I was saying that we do have to have
just days where nothing happens.
It's riff shows.
Riff.
But there obviously would be fun days when there's...
But I thought just for now we would...
Oh, you want to do it...
Yeah, so we get one in the chamber.
Yeah, we can do one in the chamber.
Let's hope.
Might affect Oregon Trail.
This might also...
This chicken's good.
This is me.
Death.
What are the odds?
What are the odds?
This couldn't happen.
So am I adding anything to this or spin this?
This is by Morgan and Morgan.
Uh,
have you been in an accident recently?
Have you slipped at your neighborhood grocery store,
not getting paid what you deserve at work?
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They have over 800 attorneys and offices across the country.
Even better.
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That's ForThePeople.com.
I think I'm actually going to add,
just give me an idea.
My wheel's going to have a lawsuit.
Someone has to just file a lawsuit
against someone or something that'll be funny to just watch happen that would be funny um by the
way if you want to come grab chick-fil-a there's more than enough for you guys all right so spin
this morgan and morgan then we'll do one name wheel today just to get us going. Although we've got to get on the trail. We've got to get on the trail.
Okay.
Let's try.
And now we'll do a name wheel to see what we got.
What if we end up having to actually do Oregon?
I'd love it.
I actually kind of love. I feel like I would really enjoy that. I love road tri Oregon. I'd love it. I actually kind of love,
I feel like I would really enjoy that.
I love road tripping.
That'd be nice.
That's a beautiful part of the country.
Hey.
I gotta say,
happy birthday, Jim, too.
Yep, mm-hmm.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Jerry.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Jeez.
Oh, no. Here comes the sound. Oh, no. Oh, no. Geez.
Here comes the sound.
Oh, TJ.
Get ready to put down 90 pounds of water.
Should we eliminate, like, should TJ be off that wheel until everyone gets at least once?
I think that makes sense, right?
Okay, yeah.
Oh, you like that?
Well, maybe not today.
This is an exhibition.
TJ should stay on.
Exhibition.
I think everybody should always be on. Always on.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to be adding some as we go.
I am going to be changing mine.
Maybe changing some.
I think my wheel will end up being about 100 slices.
Yeah.
We'll have a whole new wheel on Monday.
Question.
Yeah, I already thought of two more things.
I don't know.
Is this Eliminator or One and Done?
One and Done.
Let's do One and Done here.
Wait.
Classic wet is everyone gets wet?
Yep.
Oh, my God. Except one. I have everyone gets wet? Yep. Oh, my God.
Except one.
I have to get wet after this.
Oh, my God.
Okay, spin it.
Oh.
All right.
Sunday.
I love them. Now we have to spin to see who has to order them, correct? Yeah. Sunday. I love them.
Now we have to spin to see who has to order them, correct?
Yeah.
Okay.
That was a great.
Yeah.
Fuck, that worked well.
I did.
Damn good.
Damn good pie.
We get dessert after our chicken.
Yeah.
That you didn't order for anyone else.
Yeah, that's true.
My birthday.
Was it the Burger King ones?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
You don't have to order it, Jerry.
Had a lot of shameful times sitting in my car
housing a couple of those.
Yep.
A couple?
Oh, fuck!
The wheel is just.
The wheel is just.
One guy who didn't bring one.
All right.
Order up and let's get on the fucking trail.
Let's get on the trail.
Carpenters, are you ready?
This is why
For Christ's sake
This is why I'm addicted to the wheel
Because it is so just
And the one person who didn't bring anything
And I
I don't have to
It's like a $300 lunch between this and Chick-fil-A
But Nick is over here trying to
Force Carpenter on us dude
Just cause you look like Jesus today
I'm not trying to be a Carpenter brother
Alright Oh wow Alright fine we can be Carpenters You bastard on us, dude. Just because you look like Jesus today, I'm not trying to be a carpenter, brother.
Alright. Oh, wow. Alright, fine.
We can be carpenters, you bastard.
So, Jerry, you've never known, you don't know what this game is?
Will our individual, like,
two-man teams come into play
at all? Yeah, if you die, you have to leave the show.
Ooh.
When will we get there? Because we didn't get there
yesterday. Or if you die, you have to sit and you can't talk.
We played like three turns yesterday.
Yeah, we did not.
What if you die, you have to turn your chair around backwards?
You can't.
I like that.
Little Zah becomes Zah Fragrance?
Yeah, Zah Fragrance.
Zah Fragrance.
I like that.
Or we just keep with Little Zah.
Oh, no.
You, the fuck what you painted
that. Clutterfingers on
this group today. I'm so excited
for Oregon Trail. It was amazing. It was
cool. Almost destiny.
Hershey's Sunday Pie?
Yes. Yeah. Ten of them.
Ordered.
Okay, so I missed the second
half of yesterday's show.
Is this the website that worked the best?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
This is a way better website.
We have controllers?
No.
No controllers.
You should talk in the mic.
We crowdsource what we do.
We talk about it in this group.
My gosh.
While Nick's gone, he's trying to make us be carpenter.
Like,
why do you guys really want to be a carpenter?
A broke ass carpenter?
You want to be bankers again?
What's the benefit of being a carpenter?
Let's be bankers then.
We can stand up for Nick.
All right.
And,
Nick,
they're forming a coup against you.
They don't want to be carpenters.
Sorry.
What the fuck?
I was just having the discussion.
I wasn't part of it.
What's the benefit?
Everyone lock in.
Tell me the benefit of being a fucking...
I'm going to retreat the show real quick.
I think your odds of fixing tongues is higher.
Yeah, when you break a wheel, guess what?
What if you're fucking broke?
You get to a town and you don't have any money for food.
Yeah, what is your money going to do when we're in the middle of the wilderness?
That's a good point.
I think they probably made it so each option is about
equal in advantages.
Who tried to stage the queue?
Was it Roan?
No, it was Kyle.
You know what? Let's be banker.
But if we break a tire
in the first ten turns,
you have to suck my cock.
Oh, I like this. I have to suck my cock. Oh, I like this.
I have to
suck your cock. Uh-huh.
That's fair. It's not even Friday.
Tomorrow. No, no, no. Carpenter,
carpenter, carpenter, carpenter. No, no, no, no.
Carpenter, carpenter, carpenter, carpenter.
Don't break a tire. I'll suck you off.
You know I don't want to get sucked off by you.
I know I'd get you done licking your split.
I know you'd shave my dick like a carrot stick.
But we'll be a carpenter.
I don't want to be a carpenter.
No, no, no.
Oh.
Wow.
I like that.
Okay, boys and girls, this is good.
We got this.
Travel the trail.
One.
Who do you think is going to die first?
One.
No, no, no, no, no.
We got so much money.
No, no, no, no.
Carpenter?
Oh, I think we go Carpenter.
Carpenter.
Carpenter.
We just hunt.
That's more fun for the viewers, too.
Yeah, we really have to budget.
Yeah, what is your first name?
All right, Big Cat.
Oh, nice.
Hell yeah.
That would have ruined everything.
Put some respect on it.
And then next is Za Fragrance.
One word.
Wow, TJ, you're way better at this than the last guy.
Okay, that's good.
That's the character count.
Afrogran, yeah.
Afrogran. Afrogran. Okay. Actually's good. That's the character count. Zafra Gran, yeah. Zafra Gran.
Zafra Gran.
Okay.
Number three is Brone.
Jimmy and Jerry.
Can we be together?
Who?
Oh, he's Zafragrance.
Okay, well, Che's not here either,
so what we do is TJ and Zaf can be together,
and Jerry and KB can be together.
You have chicken throat.
Thank you.
I want to be Jersey Kyle.
Oh, okay.
Jersey.
Whoa.
I was born there.
All right, so go back to two.
Oh.
I think you can do it at the end.
You have to do it at the end, yeah.
We're getting hung up already, boys.
This is important, though.
This is important.
People are going to think it's a bit when we don't finish this, and it's not.
We just suck at time management.
Where's Kate's representation?
Me and Kate.
It is kick.
No, let's be Nate. Yeah is kick. Let's be Nate.
Oh, Nate? Okay.
Wait, so change...
Wait. Yeah, change to...
to... What is this?
Jersey Kyle. No, Jersey Kyle's already...
T-Jah.
T-Jah.
T-Jah.
No, let's do Z-J.
Z-J.
What were we thinking?
Z-J. That's sick were we thinking? ZJ.
That's sick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are there any ZJs?
That's a cool name and it works.
Zach Johnson?
You guys want to go April now?
We did get some cold weather.
We lost two days to cold weather.
Yeah.
I like to start July.
Yeah.
I want all the advantages in the beginning and then just watch it
get harder. I like that.
You want to go July?
Kate, are you already worried?
Yeah. This gives you so much
anxiety. It does. I feel like we're really
going. I don't
care what you guys do.
Let's go July.
Let's go July.
$800 is all we have?
We had $400 when we were the...
Farmer.
Farmer.
Damn, $800.
We're broke, boys.
We spent $800 last time.
Oh, that's true.
That's true.
Good point.
We get the same exact shit.
Good point.
We're broke.
Good point.
What's broke matter in the wilderness?
All right, I'm saying that, but it does matter.
Why?
I've been in the woods a lot, and being broke is not fun.
Being rich in the woods, you can't do anything.
You can't buy cool shit.
You can't do anything.
All right.
Oxen.
Three.
Five yolk.
Five?
What did we do last time?
Four.
Let's go four.
I say one more than last time.
Four.
But y'all remember, we lost two oxen. Three. Yeah, we can't lose three. I like four. Or yolk. Five? What did we do last time? Four. Let's go four. I say one more than last time. Four. But y'all remember, we lost two oxen.
Three.
Yeah, we can't lose three.
I like four.
Or yolk.
Because they say at least three, so you might as well go up one.
We got two oxen that we can kill.
Food.
I say very light.
Very light.
Yeah, it was heavy.
Take at least 200 pounds of food for each person in your family.
I see that you'll have five people in all.
You'll need flour.
20 cents a pound.
So I get tripped up every time.
All right, so yesterday we did 1,200 pounds of food.
200 pounds a person.
We should do 1,000 pounds.
That's 200 pounds a person.
Let's do 800 pounds.
Who's not getting food?
You.
We're going to fucking.
It's not me.
It's me and Roan.
You're not feeding Roan? We're hunting. Good point point 900 pounds of food i'm good i'm good we're gonna
hunt 900 pounds of food if you starve to death you can eat yeah on the show yeah that's fair
deal as a reward been eating all right uh clothing this one i think we should do the regular. Two sets per person. So each set is...
So we need to get...
There's six of us or there's five?
100.
Or 10 sets.
Yeah, 10 sets.
All right.
We actually have a good amount of money left.
Ammo.
Ammo.
Ammo.
99 on ammo.
A lot.
99.
It doesn't let you buy 100.
Wow, we got a lot of ammo.
And our spare parts, three of each?
Yeah, three of each.
Three.
Three.
Three.
Look at that.
Wow, that's good budgeting.
We got a little change, right?
We want a little change.
They said you don't need to spend it all at once.
All right.
I still hate this fuckhead Matt.
I don't like Matt at all.
General store.
Itch.
Here we go.
Okay.
TJ, can you get us some prairie music?
This is exciting.
I'm going to be negative Nancy.
We're going to get heat stroke right off the bat.
We're just...
Heat stroke?
July. We're leaving in July. You're not giving me food. We're going to get heat stroke right off the bat. We're just... Heat stroke? July.
We're leaving in July.
You're not giving me food.
You're putting me in...
You can't be in the sun.
That's okay.
That's fine.
Okay.
You think we'll just avoid summer altogether on this game?
We'll be in summer in the mountains by the time if we left in July.
And now we're doing it in the plains.
Right in the middle of Missouri.
No trees.
Flat hot sun. Posner did it. Posner did do it in the plains. In the middle of Missouri. No trees. Flat hot sun.
Posner did it.
He got bit by a snake. He literally would have died.
No, he didn't die of it.
He was in there during the hottest days.
And he stepped on a rattlesnake and almost died.
Baby rattlesnake. This has to do with weather.
This is a weather conversation. Yeah, but that's a summer problem.
This is a summer problem.
They're going to be anywhere. It's too late now.
I hope we don't get bit by a snake. If we get to rattlesnake country in November, they're going to be anywhere. It's too late now. They're not going to be anywhere. I hope we don't get bit by a snake.
If we get to Rattlesnake Country in November, they're going to be up.
Does the game even have snakes?
I don't know.
I think it does.
Oh, hell yeah.
Prairie music.
It's not prairie music.
It is.
See, this is foreboding.
We need like old school, like...
Star Trek on the prairie.
Like diddly-dee.
This is it.
Oh, yeah. here we go.
Oh god.
I like this.
Cherry.
Hi boys.
Alright. Should we go?
Oh I like this.
Here we go. There you go.
Let's go guys. July 1st.
We depart. It's go, guys. July 1st. We depart.
It's probably hot as fuck, Kyle.
You know I don't do well in the heat.
All right, continue on trail.
Would you prefer the dead of winter?
That's not an option.
Here we go.
It wasn't.
It was like March, April, July.
Here we go.
Look at us.
It's so exciting to me to see the little hooves going.
Going.
We just went two days.
Okay.
The weather's warm.
Here comes that river.
July 4th, 1848.
We shoot fireworks?
Out east, there's talks of war.
Yeah, we always got to look around.
Always got to look around.
It's very hot now, Kyle. Very hot, Kyle. It's so around. Always got to look around. We're always...
It's very hot now, Kyle.
Very hot, Kyle.
It's so hot.
How high is the river?
We have a body of water.
Okay.
Just jump in.
All right.
How high is the water right now?
There's another river coming up.
They didn't tell us.
Yeah, so go continue on trail and they'll tell us.
River is at this point...
605 feet across
Okay
Guys
That's not very deep
We can walk across this
Let's walk across this
We did that last time
That was three and a half feet
Three and a half
It's summer Kyle
There's no water
And it got shallower
And we weren't able to cross
It's a drought Kyle
You made us go in July
It's a drought
This will be good for the heat anyway
We'll feel good
Air and tear on the tires That's all I'm saying We're carpenters Let's fucking walk across this river Kyle, you made us go in July. It's a drought. This will be good for the heat anyway. We'll feel good.
Air and tear on the tires.
That's all I'm saying.
We're carpenters.
Let's fucking walk across this river.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ward it.
Ward it.
One.
Here we go, boys.
You got this. Steady.
Oh, no problem.
We're good.
No problem.
Easy.
Hell yeah.
Easy. Good call. Good call. We're good. No problem. Easy. Hell yeah, easy.
Good call, good call.
That was great.
I actually think if we had forded, we probably would have hit the bottom and got stuck.
Probably.
Thank you, boys.
Yeah.
No, thank you for making us go at fucking 105 degrees.
It's raining.
How hot is it?
Oh, it's rainy.
That's nice.
Raining for three days?
15 pounds of food a day?
No, it's very rainy.
How many pounds of food do we have?
735.
Is this where we fucked up last time?
Yes.
We got to caulk this.
We got to...
Well, let's see what the depth is because it's summer.
Remember, there's not a lot of runoff.
Okay, continue on trail.
240, 3...
I'd say we can't...
All right, should we caulk this? Wait, I think we should stop to rest. We have not stopped to rest. 2.43. I'd say we can't. All right, so we cock this one?
Wait, I think we should stop to rest.
We have not stopped to rest.
Okay.
And then we cock it?
And then we cock it.
Okay, then we cock it.
This music makes it more intense.
Yeah.
I don't think we have the rest option anymore.
Oh, yeah, so let's just cock it.
We could.
Oh.
This is smart.
Okay, yeah yeah Look at that
Come on come on come on
Come on come on
Woo
Yes
Nice
Nice
I don't think we should hunt yet
I think we should wait to hunt
Yeah because
It's hot out
That's the fun part
I think we should hunt
I don't think so yet
Okay
Look how much food we have
Oh a house.
Yes, find wild fruit, yes.
Oh, do we find it, or is it saying...
It's a demand.
Let's hunt.
Let's enter.
Wait, no, we're about to get to a town.
Oh, okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, kill it.
Which one is it?
No, no, let's rest.
Let's rest.
Rest, yes, rest.
Good call.
DJ, rest.
Oh. Oh, my God.
Wrong trail.
Press enter to size up the situation.
Stop to rest.
Six.
Six.
Yeah, we need to rest.
Rest.
One day.
Two.
Two days?
It's very hot outside.
Oxen's hurt.
Yeah.
Anything after one is kind of overkill.
You get 24 hours of rest. You're back to normal. It's the oxen. The oxen. You forgot about the oxen's hurt. Yeah. Anything after one is kind of overkill. You get 24 hours of rest, you're back to normal.
It's the oxen.
The oxen.
You forgot about the oxen.
You need two days?
Those oxen are hurt.
It's just one, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
Can we just, like, get rid of it?
Let's get rid of it.
All right, two days rest.
Give us two days rest.
Kyle, I know what you're worried about.
What?
Worried about us getting into deep fall.
Yeah.
What?
It's also raining a lot.
Yeah.
That's okay.
We left in July.
This janky-ass town has off.
Okay.
Yeah, let's continue on the trail, and then we'll hunt after the town.
Fort Kearns.
Oh, yeah, sure. It's merely a fort. All right. That guy looks racist. Yeah, he does. Fort Kearny Oh yeah sure
It's merely a fort
Alright
That guy looks racist
Yeah he does
Well
You can't really judge him
Wait
Can we look around
Can we talk to people
Yeah let's talk to people
A fort soldier tells you
Trails from the jumping off places.
Independent St. Joseph Council Bluffs come together at Fort Kearney.
This is just information.
This is education.
This new fort...
Hold on.
This is Nebraska.
I'm going to read it for the psychos that still listen to this as a podcast.
This new fort was built by the U.S. Army to protect those bound for California and Oregon.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Thank you for your service.
That's right.
That was me.
What about trading?
We hunted this fort?
Oh, I would like to trade.
Oh, yeah.
Change food.
I wish we could kill everyone in the fort.
Take it over.
Yeah.
This is a D&D episode.
Yeah, just end there.
If you see what...
Let's try to trade.
Yeah, let's see what they have to trade.
Okay.
Another emigrant
wants four wagon tongues. You don't have this.
Of course not. You can only hold three.
What did I say?
Alright. Alright, we'll keep that in mind.
Can we shoot that person? Let's hunt
then. Yeah, let's hunt. Right outside the fort?
Alright.
You don't think? So, yeah, continue on the
trail and then once we get one
click down the road, we'll hunt.
One click down. Yeah, we gotta go one click down.
Yep.
Alright.
Chimney Rock. Oh, I remember Chimney Rock.
What's Chimney Rock? It's a
rock that looks like a chimney.
Like a lot do. We're in late July,
boys. All days of summer. Oh, we do. We're in late July, boys.
All days of summer.
Oh, we're getting low on food.
Low on food.
Time to hunt.
I'm sick of this wild fruit.
That's why we got to hunt.
If there's wild fruit, that means there's animals.
Wild fruit.
All right, Jerry, go in the booth.
You're hunting.
You're hunting.
Can I look at the map real quick?
Can you press three?
Is that just a scratch and itch?
Yeah.
I just want to see where we are.
Okay.
We are... Oh, man.
This is going to take a while.
We have such a long way to go.
Oh, my God.
I thought we were making great time.
We're a quarter of the way there.
That's not bad.
That's a quarter?
Kyle, are you a little nervous about us being somewhere in the Rockies, like November?
No. Kyle, are you a little nervous about us being somewhere in the Rockies, like November?
No.
That's dangerous.
No, I ain't.
I ain't.
We knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this mission.
Yes. We're not going to complain about hypotheticals and what ifs and what could be.
But I am going to blame you if we die of...
Brandon, did you wipe your greasy hands on my chair?
Is there video?
No way.
You're not talking to the mic.
All right.
Jerry, you ready?
I don't know what I'm doing.
All right, let's hunt.
Let's hunt, Jer.
All right.
There's the...
Enter key walks.
And then
Oh
He knows how to walk
Point the gun
We didn't know how to move yesterday
We didn't know you could walk
Yeah
Yeah you hold and enter
And then space bar shoots
Wait
Okay so how do I walk
Enter
Starts walking
Stops walking
The arrows
Point the rifle left or right
Right
The space bar shoots
Alright so Hit enter Enter Start stop walking These to change your rifle The arrows point the rifle left or right. The space bar shoots.
All right, so hit enter.
Enter to start stop walking.
These to change your rifle position.
This to shoot.
Everyone liked the stream.
Oh, here we go, Jerry.
Jerry, Jerry.
Jerry, get out of the way.
Get out of the way, Jerry.
Get around, Jerry.
Get it.
Get it. Shoot it, Jerry.
Shoot it, Jerry.
Yeah.
I can't jump. No, you can't jump.
No, you can't.
Walk around him.
Thinking of this guy as Jerry is just funny for me.
How do I go? I can't see him in there, so it's just...
Oh, Buffalo.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
No, no, you're shooting.
He just fucking lit up the interior.
67 pounds of meat, not bad.
We're going to need to hunt a lot, though.
Hey, Jerry, stay in there.
Unless someone else wants to hunt.
I'm cool with Jerry hunting.
Jerry's got the hunting mentality.
Now what?
Continue.
Oh, whoa!
We got so much fucking bullets.
Holy shit.
Look at him.
Look at that motherfucker.
Zoom in.
Can you zoom in on him?
Is that the thief?
Yeah, that's the thief.
Now, is that preventable or that's just part of the game?
I think that's a random thing.
All right, we need to tweet out that to figure out if anyone knows who that thief is.
Look, he's got the little handkerchief around his face.
Yeah, he looks like a Tennessee fan.
Looks like me.
He does.
It might be Roan.
It could be Roan.
This motherfucker.
The inside job.
Okay.
Can we do anything to stop these thieves?
We have 99 cases of bullets.
Wanted.
Man with ox.
All right, let's go.
All right.
If we tweet that out, just put the ring doorbell cam in the corner.
See, there's Chimney Rock.
Yeah, it's Chimney Rock.
It does look like a chimney.
You were right Kate
Let's look at it
Let's look around
Can I take some pics
Kyle take a selfie in front of it
Take a selfie in front of it What's good, Snapchat? Jiminy Rock! Yeah!
Yeah!
Put that out.
Jiminy Rock, what up?
Ramon's going to call you.
What are you doing in Nebraska?
I'll just be historical.
We can trade here, too.
Let's change our food rations.
We don't need to be eating.
Oh, she's right.
Let's attempt a trade again.
Okay.
With what, though?
We need an ox.
We do need an ox.
We lost one to that thief.
He wants an ox.
He'll give us bullets.
We don't need bullets. No, no, no.
We don't need bullets.
No.
That's no deal.
We need the opposite of that trade.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, bitch.
Let's rest.
It's comfy.
I bet you the shade of the rock.
I like to rest a lot.
You really like to rest. What's the rush? I agree with Nick about changing the rations. Weather's rest. It's comfy. I bet you the shade of the rock. I like to rest a lot. You really like to rest.
What's the rush?
I agree with Nick about changing the rations.
Weather?
Less food.
Less food.
Weather is the rush.
We can change our pace and go faster, just so you know.
Let's go faster and eat less.
Yeah, let's do that.
Yeah.
Skinny bitches.
Oh, hot boy summer.
Okay, change food rations five.
Should we go bare bones on our phones?
Eager.
Eager.
All right, should we change the pace?
No.
All right, fine.
Keep the pace.
Keep the pace.
I would actually go faster.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Less food and faster?
Yeah.
You're worried about weather?
Eager sounds like no food at all.
All right.
Strenuous?
Grueling and meager.
You want to go strenuous?
Just for a little bit.
Yeah, click it up a little.
Grueling sounds terrible.
You want to go grueling yourself?
Oh.
Oh, no, no.
Right, strenuous.
Like, while it's flat.
Should we up our food?
Or no?
No, no, no, no.
Okay.
Let's get hot.
Let's get abs.
Seems like a bad idea.
Come September, we can put on some winter weight.
Yeah, we're about to hit the mountains.
We're in the Colorado Plains already.
Right.
Yeah, let's do this for a little bit more.
Yeah, and then we can slow down and we can start hunting more.
We got to hunt soon.
Jerry's getting nice
with the rifle.
We'll just do this to Fort Laramie.
Let's get to Fort Laramie.
This will take like two seconds.
Wow, we just went fast.
We're cruising.
Oh, fuck.
I like the strenuous pace.
Nice.
There's a red light, green light ass pace.
Whoa.
Oh, those guys look like they're not.
Is this bad, Brandon?
They don't look like they're having a fair conversation.
Uh-oh.
We got to hunt here.
We got to talk to people.
Yeah, let's talk to someone.
See what they say.
Mountain Man tells you these green horns heading across the Rockies hunt here. We gotta talk to people. Yeah, let's talk to someone, see what they say. Mountain
Man tells you these greenhorns
heading across the Rockies know nothing about
surviving in the mountains.
It gets awful cold up there, Kyle.
Even in summer,
many a traveler crossing the mountains too late
in the year has gotten snowbound and
died. That's why we're going so fast.
A snowmobile. You can buy
supplies here. Oh, buy supplies. I'm shocked none of us have died. Nine. Should we buy going so fast. A snowmobile. You can buy supplies here. Oh, buy supplies.
I'm shocked none of us have died.
Nine.
Should we buy an ox?
Don't jinx it.
We have 72 bucks.
Can we buy an ox?
Yeah, let's buy an ox.
We lost one.
Also, food's only 30 cents a pound.
It was 20 when we left.
Yeah, they're jacking the prices up.
Fucking Biden.
I'm bad.
Let's get an ox.
One more ox.
Let's refill our oxes.
42 bucks.
All right.
Let's get back on the road.
We could use a little bit of food.
Oh, no, no, no.
Jerry, Jerry's going to hunt.
Jerry's going to hunt for us.
I don't think there's going to be animals here to hunt at the fort.
We've got to get in the wilderness a little bit.
You want to grab them, Brandon?
It's not an option.
I got them.
They're going to melt.
I like them when they melt a little bit.
Wow.
Oh, boy.
Stand off.
Stand off.
Okay, let's continue on the trail.
Brandon dies.
Oh, look at the mountains, guys.
That's beautiful.
I'm proud of us no matter what.
Yeah.
That's worth it.
Let's stop for the gram.
Who would have thought a carpenter from the ground.
Uh-oh.
TJ got lost.
God damn it, you fuckers.
How did he get lost?
Put a guess.
Stay with the buggy. How do you get lost? Put a guess. How do you get lost?
Because it's the plains, you know?
Let's hunt.
Let's hunt.
Come on, Jer. You feel good, Jerry?
Jerry, are you there?
Yeah, yeah. Okay, you feel good?
Yep. Alright.
Thank you.
All right, so enter to walk.
And if we don't get 100 pounds, let's hunt again.
Let's hunt until we have 100 pounds because that's all we can take.
Yeah.
And then point with these, all these.
I want you to kill a bear, Jerry.
You can either use these or the number pad if that makes more sense.
I'd love to eat cougar right now.
So the number pad would be like eight to look up to.
Where's your wife, Brandon?
Right. So you can just do be like eight to look up to. Where's your wife, Brandon? Right.
So you can just do left or right.
Happy Hershey Pie.
Happy Hershey Pie, everyone.
Hershey Pie.
Thank you, TJ.
Get him.
Get it.
Jerry.
Jerry the Buffalo.
Jerry.
Jerry the Buffalo.
Hold on.
Wait.
Just wait.
Be patient.
Patience.
That's too fast for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh. You got it. Get him, Jerry. Buffalo. That's too fast for me Yeah yeah yeah Oh
Get him Jerry
Jerry
There's a buffalo up there can you run
Oh no
Jerry got us little
Fucking scraps
Hang out in the middle
Get him Jerry
He'll be back
One pound of me
One pound Go again Oh, get him, Jerry. He'll be back. God damn it. Ah, one pound of meat.
One pound.
Go again.
Go again, Jerry. Go again.
Go again.
Ah, man.
This is tough.
It is an option.
Is it cold in here?
Yeah, it's freezing in here.
All right, come on, Jerry.
Get out in the middle just in case, yeah.
Oh. get out in the middle just in case yeah oh yeah
get it yeah yeah yeah oh no i'm getting the hang of it though
oh oh he's just like one same one
oh Oh, oh. He's just lying. Same one, same one. Oh, Jerry.
Oh, Jerry.
Yeah!
Let's go.
903.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
Yeah, Jerry.
You're a beast, Jerry.
We're wasting 800 pounds of buffalo.
That's all right.
Oh, well.
That was sick, Jerry.
All right, let's go back on the trail.
Let's push it.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Very hot.
Where are we now?
Let's slow down.
Our health is fair.
I think we've got to push it to the mountains.
There's something coming up.
It's this rock.
I'm so sick of wild fruit.
You want to try to hunt again, Jerry?
We're running lower on food.
We can only take 100 back.
Yeah, I think we should slow the pace down.
Did you get a cookie?
I think we might need to rush, too.
All right, let's rest.
Yeah, good call.
Rest.
Because our health isn't going down, let's rest. Yeah, good call. Rest. Because our health is going down.
Let's rest for three days.
Three days? Yeah.
Two.
Two, yeah, two.
We're damn good at this. We are really good at this.
We haven't had any hiccups
Besides DJ and Zog
Yeah, lost
All right, let's keep going on the trail
Also, I think we crossed all the rivers we have to cross
No way
Inadequate grass?
Oh, for our auction
No food for the auction
Well, then what the fuck are you supposed to do?
Sure, let's look around
Oh That is a fuck ton of grass What a view Oh, for our auction. There's no food for the auction. Well, then what the fuck are you supposed to do? Sure, let's look around.
Oh!
That is a fuck ton of grass.
What a view.
You're right.
It's beautiful.
Sometimes you just gotta take it in, man.
Should we see if there's anyone who wants to trade?
Maybe they have some grass?
Ask gas or crack?
No one wants to trade with us.
Oh, fuck that.
Fine, keep it pushing.
Assholes.
Okay.
Should we change our pace?
I think we should keep pumping along until we get to the Rockies.
All right.
What if we speed through the Rockies, though? What if we slow down for a little bit, and then once we're in the most...
Want to try that?
All right.
Yeah, that's fine.
We'll get cooled off.
Inadequate grass.
I think one of our oxen is going to die.
Yep.
We should...
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
All right.
We got to rest.
Slow down.
Slow down and rest.
Slow down.
Let's rest.
Let's slow down, and we also probably got to hunt.
Let's change our food.
Let's eat more.
Yeah. Should we rest for a week? No. Yeah. Let's rest. Let's slow down. And we also probably got to hunt. Let's change our food. Let's eat more. Yeah.
Should we rest for a week?
No.
Yeah, let's rest for a whole week.
I like that.
We'll come out.
Oh!
Is that Louis Armstrong?
Oh, coming up!
Oh, coming up.
Coming up.
Rocky's too. Coming up. Rockies 2.
Let's rest and we'll do an ad.
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It holds up to 12 cards.
Seven days, TJ.
Let's rest for seven days.
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It's made with RFID blocking technology that protects you from digital pickpocketers.
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Use code YAK for 10% off your order.
Hell yes. We got to eat more. What should we do for September 11th? We got to slow down. Go to Ridge.com. Use code YAK for 10% off your order. Hell yes.
We got to eat more.
What should we do for September 11th?
We got to slow down.
Oh, Kyle.
We're going to rest during September 11th?
No, no.
As opposed to what?
We're done resting.
Let's hunt.
Hunt for September 11th. Yes.
Let's hunt.
One more day.
I think we can't stop.
If we go back on the trail, it might skip September 11th.
To hell?
Yeah, so we should hunt right now for September 11th barbecue.
September 11th barbecue.
Let's go, Jerry.
Come on, Jer.
You ready, Jerry?
Yeah.
All right.
I'm hungry for deer.
Oh, come on.
Jerry, Jerry!
Get him!
Todd.
Oh, back the other way?
Yes, yes. No, down. No, there's two of them. Oh, back the other way? Yes, yes.
No, down.
No, there's two of them.
Jerry, that's the tree!
Jerry, we can't eat a tree.
We're going to have to.
We're going to have to eat the tree.
They get one tree.
Oh, come on, Jerry.
Get this guy.
Yeah!
Just like that.
E-bag him.
Oh. Yep, him. Oh.
Yep, yep.
Oh, we can't let go.
We got 100.
We got 100.
100 pounds.
Nice, nice, nice.
Good job, Jerry.
That was wasteful shit in the world.
What's the point of the $100 limit or 100-pound limit?
Let's hunt again.
Oh, we're just leaving 800 pounds of meat out there?
September 11th.
There we go.
There it is.
Kyle, would you like to say anything?
Kind of.
Yeah, yeah.
Just think about how long has it been?
Well, no, it hasn't happened yet.
It's 1848.
We're in 1848.
Well, I mean, this is a random day,
but I think we should still count our blessings.
Maybe write a note being like, hey, everyone just heads up.
Maybe since it hasn't happened yet.
September 11th.
We'll never remember this.
Who's that?
Kane.
That's Kane.
He's a mayor.
That's Kane.
What is up with Oregon Trail?
So Kane comes in?
That's my guy, Kane.
Why is Stu here?
Still in his uniform.
What the hell?
Stu and Kane?
What show is Kane going on?
I don't know.
I think he's Doug's friend.
He's friends with Doug's?
They grew up together.
So Doug's the video game character, was head coach at Tennessee.
So Doug's the person got to meet the mayor of Knoxville County, Tennessee,
Kane.
Then Kane came here to see Doug's?
I guess they know each other through that previous meeting.
He said Kane's here to do a Fox News appearance, and Fox News is in New York, and Barstool
is also in New York.
Dude, isn't it crazy that any day could be a future 9-11?
Whoa.
A day that we don't know, like it could be a very important day in the future.
Like March 12th.
Right, it's like March 12th could be like a day we never forget.
But right now I've been forgetting March 12th.
September 11th is the only date that's immortalized.
What about July 4th?
It used to be Pearl Harbor Day.
What about 420, Ross?
A D-Day.
Yeah, July 4th.
Well, Christmas.
No, but no one says it as a...
Pearl Harbor.
No, a date that people say as a noun, as a proper noun. 9-11. 4th. Well, Christmas. No, but no one says it as a... Pearl Harbor. No, a date that people say as a noun, as a proper noun.
9-11.
4-20.
4-20, 9-11, July 4th.
Thanksgiving.
January 15th?
What's that?
January 6th?
No, that's not your birthday.
May the 4th.
What's your birthday?
Oh, yeah.
May 5th to May... Yeah, there's a few, okay? Back to the birthday. May the 4th. What's your birthday? Oh, yeah. May Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, there's a few, okay?
Get back to the trail.
Back to the trail.
That was beautiful, Kyle.
Thank you.
Real profound.
Continue.
Let's push it.
Help this back to fair.
Let's go.
See, that's what a little bit of rest does.
God, we rested for seven days straight.
We're at the South Pass.
Let's look around.
Whoa. Oh, we're getting into the mountains. Let's look around. Whoa.
We're getting into the mountains.
Wow, that's a lot of...
Look at all those convos.
I don't know what's going on there.
Look at that lass hanging out the back.
Are you distrustful of the engine folk?
Oh, we're almost halfway.
Because I find them to be quite trustworthy.
We're doing pretty good.
Doing damn good.
You got to get some cigarettes.
Oh, damn. Imagine riding on a steed, We're doing pretty good. We're doing damn good. You got to get some cigarettes.
Imagine riding on a steed, smoking one of them fucking thick-ass cowboy cigarettes.
I want to pull off a trade.
I don't care what it's for.
I want to just pull off a trade.
You better clear your throat.
Sorry, there's nothing I can do.
Bone's about to get diagnosed with chicken throat on here.
We got tongues to spare, but we don't need the food.
Let's do it.
Yeah, I think... No, no, no.
We're about to be in the wrong.
We have all these extra tongues.
I think that's a bargain for her.
I think a tongue and...
Yeah.
No, but food is more expensive than...
We can say we fleece them.
Do it.
It's a wagon tongue.
Yeah, I think we should do it.
Let's trade it.
We won't need that.
No, we won't need it.
Last words.
Boys, I gotta be honest.
What the fuck's a tongue? I don't... We don't even know. It's like an axle? That's the it. We won't need that. No, we won't need it. Last words. Boys, I got to be honest. What the fuck's a tongue?
We don't even know.
It's like an axle?
That's the axle.
It keeps us nice and fast.
Oh, is it the thing that connects?
I say drop the pace.
I don't like the health.
Drop the pace.
All right.
Drop the pace.
You're Ponte on the ground.
All right, let's roll out.
Let's put some days in then
at this nice pace.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's go.
And the song,
it's kind of telling us to.
Uh-oh.
Oh, we have a choice to make.
What did they say earlier?
Robert Frost having it.
Oh, no.
Can we see the map?
Hit three so we can choose.
What did they say?
Wait, we have to,
what did the,
because we read it out loud.
What did they say?
There was like two. Wait, go to it. Read it. I don't think it had anything to do What did the... Because we read it out loud. What did they say? There was like two...
Wait.
Go to it?
Read it?
I don't think it had anything to do with this.
That looks way out of the way.
Yeah, that's...
We don't want to go there.
Let's go to Sog.
It's a shortcut to cross the river.
It's a shortcut, but it's more dangerous.
Yeah, I like the danger.
Okay.
Yep.
We're not going to vote.
We're just going to go?
Yep.
Okay.
Green River sounds...
I feel good about this.
That's definitely the one that kills you the fastest. I feel really good about this. Yeah, the Green River. Green River sounds foreboding. I feel good about this. That's definitely the one that kills you the fastest.
I feel really good about this.
Yeah, the Green River.
I feel good about this.
It's a really good choice.
I like it.
I like it.
It's like Green River is a very pleasant name, but that's a nasty-ass river.
No, no, no.
That's nothing.
We're going to walk across it.
Come on.
One.
One.
We're going to walk across it?
All right.
Let's go.
Add water. Immediately water. We're going to Green River. Yeah All right, let's go. Add water.
Immediately water.
We're going to Green River.
Yeah, luckily.
Yeah, we're fine.
Weather's warm.
Our health is poor.
How do we fix our water?
What happened?
Water was bad.
Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest.
That's before we cross.
Rest, rest, rest, rest.
We're being pussies.
I'm just going to say it.
How's our water going back?
It's one.
One day.
I don't think it's a rest thing.
I think we just have bad water in our system.
Yeah.
We have diarrhea.
All right.
Let's rest.
We're going to rest where the bad water is and we're thirsty.
We got to shit it out.
We have to rest before we cross this river.
All right.
Our health is there.
Okay.
All right.
Nice.
Nice.
Good decision.
Nice.
All right.
Continue on.
Not you guys.
No, let's hunt.
We got to hunt.
We got to hunt.
I think we're only down to 300.
But I think we got to hunt on the other side of the river. You're right. We can cross this river. If we lose. We can lose. Yeah, you're hunt. We gotta hunt. We gotta hunt. I think we're only down to 300. Well, I think we gotta hunt on the other side of the river.
You're right. We can cross this river.
If we lose... We can lose food.
Yeah, you're right. You're right. How much food
do we have? 276.
Okay, alright. Let's cross the river. Roan's right.
Because if we...
Tragedy happens.
Let's look around. Yeah.
Oh, that's a nice river, Brandon.
You're so wrong.
How do we get over that cliff? Guys, that's not a nice river, Brandon. You're so wrong.
How do we get over that cliff?
Guys, that's not a nice river.
That river's going to eat us alive.
That wagon is on a raft.
Yep.
Wagon's on a raft.
Maybe it's telling us something.
We should take the ferry across.
If they offer a ferry, we've got to.
I think we should clock it.
We've got to see how deep it is.
All right, continue on trail.
How many feet deep? Oh, I mean.
Take the ferry.
Not a ferry.
Take the ferry.
I think we can walk across this.
Take the ferry.
Fuck, man.
It'll kill us all.
Such pussies.
This is going to cost money, though, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
We have some.
Take the ferry.
You have to.
$5.
That's fine.
Oh, that's fine.
Four days?
Fine.
We're by rivers. What? What are we waiting four days for? It's fine. That's fine. Four days? Fine. We're by a river.
What?
What are we waiting four days for?
It's getting cold.
What is this guy doing?
Do it.
You got to cock it.
Do it.
Yes.
Yeah, we have to.
We have to ferry.
Ferry.
How deep is that river?
20 feet.
20 feet.
You don't want to swim?
It ain't about swimming.
All right, ferry it.
Ferry it.
Fine.
Watch the ferry.
This ferry operator is a piece of shit.
He really is.
Four days?
I hope we get rest points for the four days.
All right, here we go.
Watch the ferry.
He's going to fucking flip.
No way.
It's the ferry operator.
I just want to wait on him.
There we go.
Okay.
All right, all right.
Good guy.
Fine.
Beautiful.
Now let's hunt.
Yeah, let's hunt.
Let's kill the ferry operator for a week.
Jerry, are you bloodthirsty in there?
Yep.
Did you guys get your pies?
I scarfed my pie.
Delicious.
I already feel the come down from the sugar rush that it gave me.
I already have the depression.
Delicious pie.
Kyle's been staring at his.
How much food do we start with?
Like 1, thousand pounds or something
800 I think
We need to start thinking about food
That's why Jerry's gonna hunt
We should hunt every other day now
Okay
Yeah let's put Jerry to work
Because I mean we can only take 100 pounds at a time
So we hunt, go a day
Everyone please thumbs up the stream
Very funny to think like
Remember when you played this game as a kid?
Now we're playing it.
We're watching it.
We're playing it professionally.
Okay.
This is eSports.
Jesus.
Jerry!
Jerry!
Bear! Bear! Bear!
Jerry Bear!
Here it comes.
Oh, no.
He fucking blocked him.
That deer ran into your gun.
Kamikaze deer.
That deer must have loved that bear.
Yeah.
Secret service for the bear.
Okay. All right. That's decent. All right, we're going. Just go with A. Secret service for the bear Okay Alright
That's decent
Alright we're going
Let's just go a day
Yeah let's go a day
Yeah let's continue our trail
That's why we bought ammo
This was the plan
Yep
Stick to the plan
Funnest part of the game
We got our best man out there shooting
We only got a
Jersey Cod and a snake
Oh no
You knew it
I knew it
You motherfucker.
You said there's no snakes, then you got bit.
What happened?
Are we good?
You got bit.
But that's our hunter.
Who else is going to hunt if Jersey Kyle dies?
It's got to be ZJ.
Are we stuck?
Chilling?
No, they didn't die, did they?
No, they're just bit.
I thought ZJ's done it, you know?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
We'd bury you.
Yeah.
Keep pushing it, though.
There's Kane.
Ready?
You want to go meet Kane?
I've met him before.
It'll mess up the game.
We can't.
Oh, my God.
Jersey Kyle is a fucking bitch.
Jersey, you fucking bitch.
You guys are just killing us.
That's all I got from a snake bite.
Most people die.
No, the snake bite didn't break your arm.
It was related.
Is that part of the incident?
Yeah.
Snake bit through your arm?
How big was the snake?
Anaconda?
Keep going.
I'm going to call it.
Jersey Kyle's going to die.
I think so.
Can we rest then?
Let's rest for a day.
Let's rest.
Yeah, we know.
What's up, Stu?
How you doing?
It's massive.
It is here. It's massive. It is here.
Did you do it?
Aiden and Stu are very funny.
Size difference.
They have a history.
Stu loves the cane.
Yeah.
Look at the weather's cool.
Oh, it's October already.
Holy shit.
There's a couple more days.
A couple days of rest.
Oh, I don't think we can rest that long.
No, we got to keep it.
Two days, two days, two days for Kyle.
We got to use October.
Kyle.
It's for Kyle.
What?
Oh, really, Kyle?
He broke his arm.
We're in a snake bite.
We're in the winter.
We're in the winter because of you, and we have to rest because of you.
October.
Let's get in the mountains. Let's get in the mountains
by November time.
I'm sure we'll be fine. In the mountains.
What's coming up?
Looks like water. This will be good.
Is that a lake? Oasis. Is that an estuary?
Soda spring.
That sounds delicious.
Look at us.
Get my little
ankles wet. Should we stop and I'm getting my little ankles wet.
Yeah, that's fun.
Should we stop and fuck?
Should we see if we can?
We gotta be horny.
What can we trade for pussy?
I would give two tongues.
Stop to trade.
Attempt to trade.
Another immigrant who wants three sets of clothing.
For an ox?
No.
No, we need the clothes.
With winter coming, we need clothes. We need that clothes. We're low on food, guys. Yeah, we need No. With winter coming, I need clothes.
We need that clothes. We're low on food, guys.
Yeah, we need to hunt.
We can't hunt.
Keep going.
What happened?
Where's Chad?
Oh.
Actually, where is Chad?
He's at home today.
We need food.
Hunt, hunt, hunt.
Oh, can we buy?
Check.
Why can't we hunt?
There's no hunting.
Can we trade?
The person that wants to trade.
No, yeah, we can't trade.
Let's go a day and then let's try and hunt again.
Jerry, we need you.
No, let's travel a day.
Jerry, we need you bad.
We need you bad.
When we get into the mountains, I'm being such a negative Nancy, there's not going to be hunting, I feel.
Oh, we got to hunt.
We got to hunt every day now.
Every chance we can hunt, we should hunt.
Just stop.
And at Fort Hall, we should try and buy some food at Fort Hall.
Every time we can stop, you should stop and hunt.
But it's going to be getting colder and colder, too.
Hunt.
Come on, Jer.
We need you, Jer.
We need 100 pounds.
We need a bear or a bison.
Or 99 squirrels.
Or two deer.
Oh, you got one squirrel.
The rip.
Come on, Jer.
Oh, boy.
Oh, come on, Jer.
You got to run forward so you don't shoot that.
Oh, here it comes.
Here it comes.
Yes, Jerry.
Yes, Jerry. Keep going. Keep going. Bear. Bear. Deer. It entered a good forwards, right? Okay, no you got it you gotta run forward so you don't Yes Jerry you go and keep going
It entered a good forwards right you're gonna face down
That thing is just oh so many oh good you're moving now
Good that's good. That's good.
I like how upset Jerry is at himself.
We eat 15 pounds of food a day.
Every time we can stop, we should just stop and hunt.
I agree.
But that's three days that he just bought us.
Yeah, that's great.
That's three days, Jerry.
Thank you.
Good job, Jerry.
No problem.
With a broken arm.
No problem.
Oh, with a broken arm and a snake bite.
Let's get a couple days in.
Let's get to the fort.
Let's buy some food.
Let's keep on hunting.
Oh, God.
I'm going to die.
What the fuck?
You guys suck.
He's clearly the weak one of the group.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm not.
I got bit by a snake.
And then you broke your army of dysentery.
I just feel like...
You're really a buzzkill.
Right.
Sacrifice me.
I wish we could.
All right, let's go up the pace and let's kill him.
No, he's...
Yes, kill...
No, I'm a burden.
I know how the game works.
No, I want you to survive.
I want to get us all there.
It would be great if we all survived.
All right, then rest today.
Should we pray?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we pray? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's just keep going.
As he dies.
But we're not going to try to kill him.
Okay.
Look, we're almost there.
Just hold on, Kyle.
Come on, Kyle.
Hold on.
He's delirious.
Look around.
Buy food.
Buy food, yes.
Look at him. He's notirious. Look around. Buy food. Buy food. Yes. Look at him.
He's not doing well.
Hang on, buddy.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
You're good.
Buy some food.
You're good, dude.
You're good.
Relax.
Relax.
Relax.
No.
No.
No.
No, you're not going to die.
Don't die on us, Kyle.
Kyle, remember when Jerry shot that big buffalo and we thought we were going to eat forever?
Well, we'll be eating buffalo.
Oh, no, no.
Look at me.
Spin up.
We need to get him to a doctor now.
Get in the fort.
Let's buy some food.
He really looks sick.
He got himself so sick.
Look how shiny he got when he got sick.
He really is.
He's very sweaty.
Get this man to a doctor.
He needs medical attention.
Get him to the fort.
At the fort.
I am some food.
All right, let's buy some food.
Should we up our rations?
No.
No.
We can't.
Oh, my God.
Let's see if we can buy some food.
40 cents a pound.
Oh, no.
It's under.
It's more expensive.
Oh, you hungry, bud? I have $37
left. You gotta eat, man. How many pounds?
10.
I don't know.
It's gotta be more than 10.
Fuck. Do 10 more.
10 more. 10 more.
And then we're, like, out of money. Alright, let's go.
Do 10 more. No, no, no, no, no.
10 more. 10 more.
What's the worst that happened? We have to cock this thing? Look at Kyle and tell him he can't eat.
We can hunt for food.
All right, okay, let's keep going.
We can hunt for food.
We've got to keep going.
Kyle, we're good.
We're good, buddy.
We're about to hunt.
Jerry's going to get you some food.
We'll get you a doctor when we get to Oregon, we swear.
He's not responding.
No more buying shit.
All right, let's go.
Let's get back on the trail.
I'm going to die.
You're not going to die, man. No, no, gonna die man Oh fuck this person
Let's get on the trail and let's hunt
Make progress
Continue to rest
Jesus Christ man
He's not doing too good
Get him some Hershey pie Jesus Christ, man. He's not doing too good.
Get him some Hershey pie.
Here we go.
We're back on the road, Kyle.
Very little water.
Well, it doesn't give you an option to buy water, does it?
Yeah, adequate grass.
Oh, no way.
Hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt.
Oh, no. Let's hunt.
Let's hunt.
We have 38 pounds of food. Oh, my God. We have 38 pounds. I think we got to, hunt, hunt, hunt. Oh, no. Let's hunt. Let's hunt. We have 38 pounds of food.
Oh, my God.
We have 38 pounds.
I think we got to change our rations, too.
Yeah.
Sorry, Kyle.
No, let's hunt.
Let's hunt.
Yeah, no, we got to hunt, but then we also have to change our rations.
Unless Jerry gets a buffalo, we don't have to change.
All right.
We only can carry 100 pounds.
But we'll get a buffalo tomorrow, too.
Let's do that twice in a row.
Hunt twice in a row.
Can we carry more because we got more room now?
Yeah, if you hunt twice in a row, I think you can.
Come on, Jerry. Get to Kyle's life depends on a Jerry
Everywhere Jerry Jerry Jerry
Chase that fucking thing down There's got to be something else that comes running.
Jerry's 100% on squirrels.
They're the hardest to kill.
By far the hardest.
Nothing comes out now.
Right there.
Wait for it. Be active.
He's camping.
70 is good.
Hunts again.
Hunts again.
You need a bear.
Oh, yeah.
Get it.
Get it.
Get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Over there.
Over there.
All right.
Yeah.
It's a killing machine.
Oh, God.
There it is.
Kyle, he got three animals, Kyle.
He's going to be all right.
Holy shit, John.
You're a monster.
Oh, my God.
Somebody edit a sick gaming montage.
Jerry, you are a monster.
He's just fucking laying waste to this.
Daring another animal to come out right now.
Look at those bears.
Nice.
Yes.
100 pounds, Kyle.
All right, 100 pounds, Kyle.
Jared, way to be, Jared.
Eat, Kyle. Have some venison. Don't worry, way to be, Jared. Eat Kyle, have some venison.
Don't worry about me.
You look sick, have some bear stew.
His arm's broken, he has dysentery, he has a snake bite.
Those are some bitch ass bears.
You should be dead.
You should be so dead.
Well, I'd rather be dead.
All right, let's get back on the trail.
Should we hunt one more time?
Yeah, hunt one more time, hunt one more time. You're right. Let's get ourselves a the trail. Should we hunt one more time? Yeah, hunt one more time.
Hunt one more time.
You're right.
Let's get ourselves a nice...
Seems like a good spot.
You're right, because I do think you...
Get as much as we can.
Kate is correct.
Oh, Jerry.
The terrain changed.
This is some nice...
What's this, a Copeland?
This is beautiful composition right here.
I think Jerry hunted the place dry.
Maybe.
That happens. Does it? It's hunted the place down. That happens.
To the middle though, Jer.
Oh yeah, this guy's done.
Oh!
Good.
Jerry got almost distracted by this squirrel.
Wait a minute, steady.
Good.
Nice shot!
Kyle, two more bear, your favorite, man. Good. Ready? No. Head shot. Head shot.
Kyle, two more bear.
Your favorite, man.
I love bear.
You love bear.
Two bear and steams.
He pulled the mic closer to cough.
Let's keep going.
We got this.
All right.
I feel great about what we're doing right now.
Should we hunt again?
I don't know. No, we're good. We're good. Why? How are we good about what we're doing right now. Should we hunt again? I don't know.
No, we're good.
We're good.
Why?
How are we good?
Because we have 278 pounds of food.
We have too much ammo for next time.
Yeah, way too much ammo.
No, you can never have too much. That's why I think we should hunt again.
If we have 1,000 pounds of food going through the mountains, that's good.
But whatever.
We can make progress if you guys feel good.
But there's going to be a time when we can't hunt.
Okay.
Is there?
I think so.
I think when we get in the cold mountains, it's going to be...
There's nothing to kill out there.
You hunt and nothing comes out.
But the fact that it's nice and green...
No, we don't want that.
Let's keep rolling.
Here we go.
It's November.
Things are getting cool.
Elf is fair, though. There's a river coming up. We can wagon wheel. Yeah, we can, it's November Things are getting cool Elf is fair though There's a river coming up
Broken wagon wheel
Yeah, we can fix it
This is why we did this
I'm unable
I'm fine now
Repair the broken wagon wheel?
You must replace
It's been a month for Kyle
He's doing so good
Oh my god
Okay
You're good?
Yeah, I'm all good
Alright, good to have you back
Let's hunt on the other side of this river
The guy we saw with his nails
We're broken What do we do? Oh All right, good to have you back. Let's hunt on the other side of this river. The guy we saw with his nails.
We're broken.
What do we do?
Oh.
We had another week.
We were good.
Fire in the wagon. Who's playing?
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You just lost so much.
It's about to get cold.
We don't have money.
Oh, no.
You guys wanted to buy so much food.
We can hunt for food.
Who was smoking in the wagon?
It was Kyle.
As soon as he got healthy.
Everything was good when he was dying.
Tried to hot box the wagon.
Celebration.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, that's...
Oh, now we can't.
Oh!
What did I tell you?
Here we fucking go.
Here we go.
What if the river freezes and we can walk across?
Walk right across.
Yeah.
Hunt.
Come on, Jer.
It's time to get some food.
Oh, are we willing to trade?
Wait.
That is old LGO.
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We'll trade? Wait. That is old LGL.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
We'll trade.
Yes.
157 bullets.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now we have, what do we, we need a tongue.
We got guns.
We need a tongue.
We need a tongue and we probably need clothes.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
So we got to trade as much as we can. Trade every time we can.
Mm-hmm.
A shitty trade.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
Let's hunt, though.
Come on, Jer.
Another emigrant who wants two sets of clothing.
No.
That's a bad trade for us.
No, we can't.
No, I like this.
We're just playing the trade machine.
Keep going trade.
Yeah.
Wants 107 pounds.
You will trade. You won't. No. No. We'll trade bullets for Keep going trade. Yeah. Once. 107 pounds. He will trade you one.
No.
No.
We'll trade bullets for anything.
Yeah.
And we need.
Yes.
No.
No.
Once.
No.
Yeah.
Right or backwards.
No.
No.
Oh.
Yes.
Okay.
Drink that water, Kyle.
He'll trade you one wagon wheel.
What if we can hunt that back?
Can't we hunt that back?
Oh, no, we don't need to be fucking with food.
We can hunt it back so quick.
Oh, Brandon.
I never thought I'd hear you say that, Brandon.
It's $106,000.
He would trade you one wagon axle.
No.
All right.
We need the tongue or clothes.
One ox to give you one set of clothing.
I need more than one set of clothing for a full ox. Yeah, no, fuck. Although we do need the clothes. One ox to you, one set of clothing. I need more than one set of clothing
for a full ox.
Although we do need the clothing.
Oh, here we go. Oh no, they won't.
Fuck.
Kyle's up and at him now. He's good.
He's got his shit. He's got dysentery.
Yeah, we're still trying to trade.
Let's just hunt. Oh, hunt.
Yeah. Come on, Jared.
Bullets for life.
Yeah, we went a little heavy. Yeah. Come on, Jerry. Bullets for life. Yeah, we went a little heavy on bullets.
Come on, Jerry.
I think other people on the trail are talking shit about us.
Jerry!
They're probably afraid of us.
Oh, Jerry's gone.
That wagon full of bullets is on fire.
Oh, no.
Oh, good shot.
Oh, Jerry.
In every direction but that one.
Damn. I don't want to die.
I just ran up to you for some food.
That'd be my favorite kill yet.
Jerry, Jerry.
Yes.
That's big.
He's gotten good.
He is.
He's very mobile.
Those squirrels have no chance.
That's it?
I say we keep going.
Okay.
All right.
We're already at.
Health is poor, though. Should we rest today? Yes. I wish we rested today. Oh, already at... Health is poor, though.
Should we rest today?
Yes.
I wish we rested today.
Oh, my God.
That's two days.
We're getting right in deep winter now.
We are in winter.
Why did we let Kyle pick that?
I don't know.
Why did we let Kyle pick that?
He's convincing.
Why?
It was the dumbest thing we've done.
It was the stupidest thing.
If we can get through the wintery months, we'll be all right.
Now get a zen in, Kyle.
All right.
Kyle's putting the zin right behind his lip.
Lance.
Two feels good.
All right, let's continue.
I'd rest for more, honestly.
I don't mind taking a week off.
It's Thanksgiving time.
It's Thanksgiving time.
We're going to die in the mountains.
Can we rest for three months?
We got to rest.
Do we have enough food?
I say rest now before it gets even colder.
All right, rest.
Let's go six days.
That doesn't make sense.
No, TJ.
I like six.
I like a healthy six.
You want to go when it's not...
We got to go, guys.
It's only going to get worse.
We got to go.
Two or three?
Three.
Three, okay, fine.
Just rest two days?
Oh, big mistake.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Health is still poor.
All right, let's just go.
We got to go.
We need more food, too.
Oh, fuck.
Eat.
Broken arm.
Both of us.
Did you lose your arm?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's keep it more than broken.
I misunderstood that.
All right, we need to hunt.
We need to hunt.
We need to hunt.
Oh, yeah, we have only 85 pounds of food.
There's no way we survived this.
No, we mismanaged this so badly.
You guys are buying food out the wazoo.
We're going to die with a thousand bullets.
Up my mo!
What's up?
Out there in the open, brother.
You got it, Jer.
You got big game coming your way.
Wait for the big stuff.
I like that.
Good vantage.
Good vantage.
This is going to be great.
God is asking.
Perfect.
100 pounds of food.
Perfect, Jarrett.
Come on, Jarrett.
All right, let's get on the road.
Should we lower rations?
Lower?
No, let's just lower.
We're already at meager.
Our health is not great right now.
We have so many bullets.
Meager rations.
Hunt again.
Hunt again.
Hunt again, and let's get across this river.
I'm scared of this river.
We got to play this shit right.
Things have not-
Oh!
Yeah!
Yes!
Fuck, tell him to go.
Jerry's like the animal whisperer
They just walk right up into him
He's a deer hunter
He's walking
Steady
Bang
Right in his ass
That was quick, that was a fast one
The rest are for just pure joy
For the thrill of the kill. For the thrill of the kill.
I let that one live.
Nope.
That is 291 pounds.
I let that one live.
All right, perfect.
Let's get on the road.
You just bought us about two weeks, Jerry.
Oh, you bitch.
Exhaustion We're cold
We're all fucking tired here
Into this next landmark
Our health is very bad
Rest rest rest
Rest and eat more
Let's eat more for a couple days
Let's ration up a little bit
We can also go slower.
We can slow down, ration up.
What pace are we going at?
We're strenuous.
Filling and then go slower.
Filling and slower. Let's get it.
Have no food in winter coming.
We're going strenuous?
We're being assholes.
Steady.
Steady. Slow down and eat. Come on. We're being assholes. No wonder. Steady.
Steady.
Slow down and eat.
Come on.
We need this.
We got to take our time in the winter.
Okay.
Oh, we'll do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
Easy.
We can hunt.
If Kate's worried, we can hunt.
One wagon axle.
Yes, I am.
I am very worried.
What?
That was for close. Oh, no, no I am very worried. That was for close.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, that was for close.
Oh, God.
One wagon axle.
No, no, no.
Let's hunt.
Can we use some more bullets?
No.
You're worried about bullets?
Nope.
One more train.
Oh, we're good, guys.
No. All right. We're almost're good, guys. No.
All right.
We're almost through the Rockies.
Let this boy hunt.
Yeah, let's go.
Let's get some food, and then we can up our rations.
Guys, I'm so sleepy.
Fuck.
They're so tired.
Exhausted.
Who would have thought?
Get it, Sherry.
Oh, boy.
Yes.
Good, good.
Get out in the open. Get his ass. Oh, boy. Yes! Get out in the open.
Get his ass.
Good shot!
Jerry, you're a fucking monster.
He's an ace, dude.
Sport. Sport.
Awesome.
That was a dough, Jerry.
All right, let's go.
Let's continue.
We're going to cross this river.
All right, we went from very poor to poor.
All right, so that's good.
That's good.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Barry and Oxen.
That's why we got extra. Let's get to this river. Yeah, continue. Oh, no. Berry and oxen. That's why we got extra.
Let's get to this river.
Oh, no.
Very poor.
Let's get to the river.
Let's get to the river, and then we'll rest.
What is causing the health?
We could have left them.
We're not resting.
We're sick, and we're not resting.
Are we too cold?
Do we need clothes?
Yes.
Where are we going to get them?
You smoked out the cabin.
Guys, hurry.
We're very cold.
Rest a day.
Hurry.
We need to rest for health.
Rest one day.
Our arms.
How long do you have to claim exhaustion, though?
All right, now let's just go.
We've been going on a couple weeks now.
Let's just go.
We've got to push.
Ron, you want to rest too much.
Yeah, you do.
I want everyone to make it. We've got lazy bones out here. I. Let's just go. We've got to push. You don't want to rest too much. Yeah, you do. I want everyone to make it.
We've got lazy bones out here.
I'm okay with someone dying.
We've got lazy bones out here.
Less food that we have to have.
Fine, let's push it.
Let's get to this river.
What about that?
All right.
Snake River.
This is sounds.
Oh.
Oh.
Dude, it's huge.
Do we trust them?
Okay.
Let's talk to someone.
I got a dark feeling.
Down there between those steep lava gorges, twisting and writhing is the Snake River.
So much water.
It's so hard to get to.
We've got many miles of desert before Oregon, so be sure to fill your
water kegs at the crossing, okay?
Thank you.
Well, let's continue on the trail.
Very cold, very poor health, and we're
going to cross the most treacherous river yet.
And nobody wants to rest.
I guess I've been over resting.
I bet Big Cat's going to want to walk across it.
You know what? Fine.
Rest for seven days.
We can't rest for seven days.
Three, three, three.
Three days.
We're in the middle of winter here.
I don't think it's going to help.
I'm very into resting.
Very poor still.
And snowy.
Look what you did, Roan.
It might be frozen, though.
Oh, I feel worse.
All right, continue.
All right.
1,000 feet across.
Oh my god. I think we can cock this.
I don't know that we can.
1,000 feet across.
I have the energy to cock.
Alright, fine. Press spacebar to continue.
Hire an engine? Yes.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Shoshone Arrowhead.
Oh, we can't do that.
We can't do that.
We can't do that.
Of course we can.
Why can't we give them food?
It's the only way.
I knew they would come bite us in our ass.
No, TJ, we can't trade that.
Which is fair.
How are we going to?
The Shoshone are a wise people.
I think we got to cock it.
No, we will die.
Surely we will die.
You can't afford it. Oh, we got to cock it. We have to cock it. Oh we will die. You can't afford it.
Oh, we got to cock it.
We have to cock it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is so cold out.
What are we going to do?
It's going to flip.
All right.
We might have to give up the clothes.
We have to give up our clothes.
Hold on.
Hold on.
We have to give up the clothes.
Let's try and trade.
Let's try and trade for something.
We can give up our clothes and use the Indian, or we can cock the wagon and just fucking...
Let's go cock it.
Cocking a certain death.
A certain death.
I think one of us will die.
But clothes, we need clothes.
How many clothes do we have?
Seven.
Seven clothes?
If you want three, that takes us down to four.
Is that Fitz or just...
So it's one of us butt-ass naked.
Yeah, I don't think that works.
What do we do?
Can we trade anything?
Can we hunt for clothes?
We have to make this river decision before we do anything else.
I just say caulk it.
I say caulk it.
Caulk it.
Caulk it.
Caulk it.
All of us in together, let's go.
Caulk it.
We have positive vibes.
We can do this.
You go.
We go.
Let's go, guys.
So someone might have to navigate the river if there's rapids or anything like that.
They might not all make it.
Come on.
We got this.
Hey, if I die, I die.
I love you guys.
All right.
Yeah, it's been real.
It's been real.
Here we go.
Here we go.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
Yeah!
That's no trouble. That guy was trying to rip us off. Shit. We got all our fucking food. We're good. Yeah. That's no trouble.
That guy was trying to rip us off.
Shit.
We got all our fucking clothes.
You guys got me.
Wait a minute.
It's actually easy as fuck to cross.
All right, let's keep going.
How did you learn how to do that?
Native America boys.
I never get a chance to do it.
Oh, dysentery.
Oh, fuck.
Us again.
He's going to block me on Twitter.
All right, keep going.
We're almost at this fort.
We got to eat.
No, no, let's hunt.
Oh, hunt, hunt, hunt.
Our health is terrible.
We got to rest.
We got to up our rations.
Or we can't.
They're filling.
Hunt.
90 pounds of food?
Yeah, we got to hunt.
Jerry, we need you.
Whoa.
Am I dying?
God, is that you?
Okay.
I hear Liberty Mutual.
Lemu, is that you?
Lemu, Lemu.
God.
Oh, oh.
Oh.
Oh.
There you go.
Jerry came right to you.
Oh, no, Jerry.
Be calm, be calm.
That deer came and spit on you and walked away.
Fuck you.
Deep breath.
Deep breath.
Jerry, you banged us.
Jerry's doing this on purpose.
Jerry, what are you doing, Jerry?
You're sabotaging us.
Ah!
Oh, my God.
Jerry.
Oh, Jerry.
Decentary sucks, but at least Jerry's bringing back food.
Oh, no, Jerry.
They banged me.
They banged us.
They banged me.
Wait, wait.
Oh, my God.
Hunt again.
Hunt again.
Hunt again.
Get back on the horse.
Oh, you're okay.
Come on, Jerry.
Focus.
Focus.
I'm really blowing this up.
Oh, no.
We're good.
We have plenty of ammo.
This is what we planned for. Come on really blowing this up. Oh, no, we're good. We have plenty of ammo. This is what we planned for.
Come on, Jerry.
Okay.
Oh, no.
To the middle.
Get to the middle.
Oh, no.
Oh, they're going so fast now.
Come on, Jerry.
They're in estrus.
To the middle.
No.
Oh, no.
I'm blocked off.
I'm blocked off.
It's not good, man.
Oh, no.
This is not good.
Jerry.
Oh, no.
Oh, Jerry.
Two gooses.
Sully needs Kate.
No, no, no.
Eric, get rid of this.
Yeah!
Again, again.
Hunt again.
Hunt again, Jerry.
Nick, don't worry. He's's gonna stay out there and hunt for you
Let's let this down at our most crucial time
Jerry, get the bear
Yes
Okay
We're back
We're back
It's fine, we can only get a hundred
Hey, bear
This is bonus
Yes
He's just getting sharp again
We're back.
He knew something.
He must have heard something over there.
He heard a rustle.
Oh, my God.
Quad kill.
Jerry's got a UAV.
Waste.
All right. Let's got a UAV. Waste. Alright, let's keep going.
You must use every part of the bear.
It's so good.
Alright.
White man has become wasteful
with our land.
Alright. White man has become wasteful with our land. All right.
Oh, we're so close, guys.
We're close to Oregon?
Yes.
We're so close.
We're in like Idaho.
We have the mountains and it's wintertime.
Let's keep going.
Very poor health.
Can we rest at all?
Can we afford any rest?
No rest?
Merry Christmas, by the way.
Merry Christmas.
All right, let's go.
Come on.
We've got to get to this fort.
We're almost to this fort.
We can buy some more clothes.
Good pace.
Severe blizzard.
Oh, God.
Keep going, TJ.
Let's get to this fort.
Oh, typhoid. Let's keep going. Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, TJ. Let's get to this fort. Oh, typhoid.
Let's keep going.
Rest, rest, rest.
Two days, TJ.
Take two days. Take New Year's.
Let's party.
TJ, sorry about the typhoid.
Is Nate okay by now?
Yeah, we're good.
Yeah, I feel him.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah?
Oh, Jesus.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year for the fall, brother.
Happy New Year.
All right, happy New Year, everyone.
1849, going to be our year.
We're down to 40 pounds.
All right, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt.
Jerry, hunt twice in a row.
It's 100 pounds each. So, you don't need us until three, hunt, hunt, hunt. Jerry, hunt twice in a row. That's 100 pounds each.
But, Sully, you don't need us until 3, right?
Yeah, I know.
I actually have an interview at 3.
Oh, we got to go.
No, no, no.
3, 3.
Oh, we'll go strenuous.
All right.
Get him, Jerry.
Sully's going to be mad at me.
For what?
A Friendsgiving episode.
Yeah, I got to do it, too.
Oh, really? It's at 3 o'clock. That's what he told me? Yeah. An interview at me. For what? A Friendsgiving episode. Yeah, I got to do it, too. Oh, really?
It's at 3 o'clock.
That's what he told me?
Yeah.
An interview at 3.
At 3?
Come on, Jerry.
Jerry.
There you go.
All right.
Nice.
Don't kill the other animals in case that has anything to do with anything.
Yeah.
Oh, Jerry.
Oh.
He can't help himself.
He can't help himself.
Hunt's a gun. Rone has help himself. Hunt again.
Rone has cholera.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Is that where Brandon went?
Yeah.
Hunt again, Jerry.
Get us another 100 pounds.
Yes, Jerry.
And that's another hunji.
So you want to change pace?
Oh, this squirrel is fucking with you, dude.
Yeah, I think we got to go faster.
Send it.
Full send.
And ration down.
Yeah.
Speed up and ration down.
Let's fucking get there, boys.
Get to February.
Jerry, you're a fraud kill.
Good job, Jerry.
Oh, no.
EJ.
About time.
Oh, no.
That just came out of nowhere.
The typhoid.
Brandon.
EJ just died.
EJ just died.
Goodbye, EJ. Goodbye, EJ. Good knowing you. Brandon. EJ just died. EJ just died. Goodbye, ZJ.
Bye, ZJ.
Good knowing you.
No.
No.
All right.
Well, fuck it.
Now we'll go faster.
Full speed.
Grueling.
Let's gruel.
Better to burn out than to fade away.
Yeah.
All right. And listen to the music change. Meager. Meager. Let's gruel Better to burn out than to fade away Yeah Alright
And listen to the music change
Meager
Meager
Let's fucking go
Here we go
We're fucking rolling
How many days do you think we'll survive?
Yeah, we'll get there
We just gotta get there
Come on
We're gonna get there
This is for you, ZJ
Yeah
Can we have your clothes real quick?
Oh, no!
That's us.
Damn it.
Push it, push it.
Kick them out the back.
See ya.
We can go faster now.
I thought we got to bury them.
I thought you got to see our tombstone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, let's keep going.
Jersey, Kyle's exhausted.
I'm straight.
All right, rest for a day.
Rest for two days.
Low-key, I'm a beast.
Brown, too.
Well, no, you guys had cholera.
We got cholera?
Yeah, when you left, you had cholera.
Fort Boise.
All right.
Let's get some clothes.
Let's trade. Let's get some clothes.
Let's get some.
We don't need clothes anymore.
We made it through the Rockies.
No.
No.
No, I think we buy a tongue.
Oh, no.
We can't afford a tongue.
We do.
We need to buy a tongue.
What happens if we lose our tongue?
We need some food.
We have.
All right.
One tongue, though.
You don't have to. We're carpenters.
We're carpenters.
All right. Let's keep going. We You don't have to. We're carpenters. We're carpenters. All right, let's keep going.
We definitely don't need food.
Buy nothing.
Leave store.
I'm going to die with money on me.
Eat.
Leave store.
Let's fucking go.
Should we rest?
You don't want to rest?
I rest. All right, fine. We're getting ready. want to rest? I rest.
All right, fine.
We're getting ready.
Let's rest a couple more.
Oh, no.
I told you we should have rested.
You don't even want to rest.
Now it's just me and Ronan Brandon.
Let's go slow.
Are you eating?
Hey, wait a minute.
What the fuck?
Let's go real slow.
Let's eat.
Let's really enjoy ourselves.
Brandon has had a pocketful of cookies.
Look at the pace.
Change the pace.
Go to strenuous.
Do you take up less food when people die?
Has to, right?
Yeah, let's keep going.
We're good.
Oh, we're so close.
Continue on trail.
I don't even know where we are.
How do you use that map?
Uh-oh.
Broken axle.
Yes.
Of course, we're carpenters.
Why would you not try and fix it?
Unable.
All right.
Okay, fine.
We'll fucking use the spare part.
We're the worst carpenter ever.
Rough trail.
Rough trail, because we're getting to the mountains.
Oh, no. That wagon's shaking. Because we're getting to the mountains.
Oh, no.
That wagon's shaking.
Oh, no.
God damn it.
Rough Trail just seems like they ran out of things to say.
Hunt?
No, no, no.
Push it.
Yeah, push it.
I'm so scared of someone popping up that we died.
Let's walk these oxen. Let's rest for a couple days Alright fine fine fine
Four days of rest
Why not you're dead
You don't get to decide you're dead
Better tell us no through a Ouija board
Alright we'll rest four days
Four days
Yeah we're now poor.
Okay.
All right, let's continue.
We had 132 pounds of food.
We're barely eating food anymore because of all these fucking badasses that died.
You might be able to trade up here.
It's so lonely out here on this road
Yeah
See where we are?
We're so close
We are so close
We have three more landmarks
Until we're there
Push the fucking pace
Is this worth it?
We make it to Oregon
In the next six minutes.
Heavy fog.
Push through.
We don't care about fog.
We really shouldn't have left in July.
No, because then we'd be in the Rockies right now.
We'd be for sure dead.
No, it would be October.
Oh, should we hunt, hunt, hunt?
Hunt.
We're all dead.
Who's hunting?
Jerry can hunt.
Oh, shit. He's dead.
He can't.
Isn't that our leader to hunt?
For the best.
We're the women folk.
It's just a dude party now.
We're just bitches.
Enter starts and stops you running
The left and right here
We should have taught him how to hunt earlier
Jerry never taught him to hunt
You teach a man to hunt
Oh no
How do I move
Okay
You went down to where there's more obstacles
Right Not bad Okay You went down to where there's more obstacles. Right.
Not bad.
Okay.
Wait.
What the?
No!
Oh, I missed Jerry.
Yeah, I fucked Jerry.
And the ghost of Jerry Hunt?
Fuck.
You guys are fucked.
Get down to the middle.
Get down to the middle.
Oh, my God.
All right, I'm going one more.
Hunt again.
Is it hard to move?
Yeah, I don't know.
There's a bear.
Come on.
Yes.
Yes.
All right.
You're good now.
You're good.
There you go. Real good. You got it now. Yes. You're good now. You're good. There you go.
Real good.
Got it now.
That's Jerry doing it.
Oh, my God.
Jerry.
That was me.
That's Jerry's style.
Jerry has his style undeniable.
Gets to the center and spins in circles.
I'm going to honk one more time.
Tasmanian devils out.
Gary's coming to him in a vision, telling him what to do.
Can you shoot through the scrubber now?
You just turned it a whole 540 around.
Like Paco Rabanne.
Big game's going to come behind those trees.
He was right!
He was right!
Did you hear something?
Go down there.
See?
Ah!
Go down there.
Go down there.
And then you get down.
Down.
Down, down, down.
Oh!
Oh, God!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're good.
Phew.
You can wait.
That's over 100 pounds.
Stay down there. Oh, that. You're good. Phew. You can wait. That's over 100 pounds. Stay down.
Oh, that was just showing off.
He emptied the clip into the rabbit.
That was personal.
Yes.
Nice.
All right, let's get back on the trail.
Before Fasoli has our head.
Good job, big cat.
Just sitting in there staring at me.
No, Nance.
Gotta go.
Uh-oh, dead oxen.
All right, fuck these oxen.
Let's keep going.
Landmark.
Now at the Blue Mountains.
Wow.
Wow, that's beautiful.
All right, fuck it. Let's blue. Wow, that's beautiful.
All right, fuck it.
Let's go.
Oh, this is Pro Bowl week.
Yeah.
What's closer?
The easiest one.
See the map.
See the map.
Fort Walla Walla.
Dallas.
Dallas.
Dallas.
Dallas.
Huh.
Huh.
Fuck, I have to go to this interview.
God damn it. We got this. We got this. Push it, TJ. Push it, Dallas. Huh. Huh. Fuck, I have to go to this interview. God damn it.
We got this.
We got this.
Push it, TJ.
Push it, TJ.
Oh, God damn it.
I think it's going to start getting nicer soon.
Oh, you're right.
Just got cooler. Oh, keep going.
Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest.
Oh, keep going.
Going.
Three days.
Three days.
Three days.
Come on.
Three days of rest.
Keep going.
Don't rest. Keep going. Rest, rest Three days. Three days. Come on. Three days of rest. Keep going. Don't rest.
Keep going.
Rest, rest, rest.
Don't rest.
Rest, rest, rest.
We got to go.
Keep going.
Who's the captain?
We got to go.
Going.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Repair it.
Repair it.
Yes, repair it.
Oh, no.
Why are we the carpenter?
What's the point?
I can't.
Nick wanted to be the carpenter.
All right, continue.
I didn't.
Rough trail.
That's fine.
We're built for rough trails.
We break a tongue, we're fucked.
Yeah, no shit.
I was trying to get us one.
You said no.
I thought we were a carpenter.
Hey, guys, guys, guys.
Oh, brown, rusty face.
Change it to as strenuous as possible.
I don't want to eat anything, and I'm going to get there.
Let's fucking go.
I'm sick of this dead weight.
Peace out, bitches.
Strenuous.
Grueling.
Grueling.
Don't let me eat.
Change food rations.
Bare bones.
Continue on trail.
Keep going.
Keep going. Keep going. That's 10 miles a day pace. 11 miles. Keep going. Keep going.
Keep going.
That's 10 miles a day pace.
11 miles.
Keep going.
Push.
Push.
Push.
Push.
Push.
No.
No.
Push.
Float down the river.
Float.
I'm going to float.
No, that's the wrong way. You're trying to go north. Float down the river Float That's the wrong way you're trying to go north
Float
It's gonna kill you
No
Oh no
You're cooked dude
He should have just taken the toll trail
Is this for the Thanksgiving
Godspeed guys
We have to go too
Which way?
All right, what do I do?
Space bar and then use the air keys.
Okay.
They don't understand.
We're almost done the Oregon Trail.
I never finished this as a child.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, this isn't the right direction.
Don't.
Oh, you're bruising.
This is nice.
Watch the bank.
He's whipping it. Play the you're bruising. This is nice. Watch the bank. He's whipping it.
Play the Tokyo Drift song.
Oh, no.
What?
What?
Oh, no.
That was iffy.
When am I supposed to get off?
After the third direction.
Okay.
A one.
Is that the first one?
Yeah.
I haven't seen any yet besides that one.
It's going to start getting a little rougher out here.
It's fine.
You got this.
Not too rough.
Oh, good call.
Good call.
Split them.
Oh, God. Whoa. That. Split them. Oh, God.
Whoa.
That was close.
A little too close.
How long is this river?
I know.
Where are we ending up?
Oh, people.
We'll be in Sacramento.
Two.
Okay.
And the exit's what?
On the left or the right?
What do they say? Left or right? Is it exit? Don't what on the left or the right?
Exit don't hit that right left or right they'll show you It's gotta be coming up Oh my god. I'm so stressed.
It's gotta be coming up.
Uh oh.
What's he doing?
What does this mean?
Dan?
There's the third.
There's the third.
Where do I go?
Right.
No, not right.
Not right. Don't go too far.
Stay in the middle.
Stay in the middle.
No, they said I had to get off.
Go off where?
It'll show you.
Don't hit the side.
Oh, that was rare. No. off! Go off where? It'll show you. Don't hit the sign! There!
Oh, that was rare!
No!
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?
What the fuck?
No!
What the fuck?
What are you doing?
Yeah!
The Lambent Valley, this is Oregon!
This is nice.
This is Oregon!
You made it!
Yes, I made it!
We made it to Oregon!
Did you?
I said you were in Oregon!
Wait, that's Oregon?
Yeah, you made it to Oregon!
I did it! So we did? Yeah, we made it to Oregon! I made it. We made it. You made it. What? You did? I said you're an organ.
Wait, that's an organ?
Yeah, you made the organ.
I did it.
So we did it?
Oh, he did it.
I did it.
Oh, we did it.
Let's continue.
Let's see how many points you have.
319.
Oh, you did do it. Oh, and you're done.
You're a comforter.
You won.
Yay.
So Monday we'll see if I get my high score.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
The trail show.
Barstool Invitational tomorrow.
Everyone tune in.
There's no yak tomorrow.
Barstool.tv.
We're going to be on the call.
We're going to play yak basketball.
Tune in.
It's going to be incredible.
We'll see everyone there.
Philly, if you're in Philly, Wells Fargo, let's do it.
What's up?
It's the yak. let's the act. That's time to talk shopper to a Yankee pop.
It's the act.
It's the act.