The Yak - Jersey Jerry's Here to Prove He's No Simp | The Yak 10-17-23

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

It was never the car doorYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello! There we go. Yo, P.J., pull that up. Hello. There we go. It's the Yak. It's the Yak. Welcome on in. Roback.com, promo code Yak.
Starting point is 00:00:35 Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com, promo code Yak. They got everything. I'm wearing everything right now. I love Roback. Brandon's got the sweatshirt. Yep. It's hooded. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, promo code YAK. They got everything. I'm wearing everything right now. I love Roback. Brandon's got the sweatshirt.
Starting point is 00:00:47 Yep. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, everything. Roback.com, promo code YAK. We have Donnie in. Donnie in. Thank you. And we have Jersey Jerry, who? Let's go.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Jersey Jerry. I walked out of the PMT or whatever, wherever we're, Eddie's studio where we've been taping PMT. I thought I saw a ghost. It was Jersey Jerry. And I said, hey, what the hell are you doing here? And he just goes, because it's like, Jerry doesn't come to work. And he goes, yeah, I was kind of bored, so I decided to come to work.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Maybe the greatest answer ever to come to work. I mean, I was bored. I made my girlfriend, she started questioning, like, she said, hey, like, you just disappear on Sundays, but, like, during the week, you're just home with us and the baby, fixing the house and stuff. I'm like, do you really work there? I'm like, yeah, I work there. That's actually a fair question for her. Like, Monday through Friday, you don't really leave the house, and then Sunday you're just gone for 14 hours well the good news is the house is almost done
Starting point is 00:01:48 almost done i'm good ready to be sold after you default on your mortgage close to defaultation yeah word you defaultation i think that is default close but not there yet my house is great everything's done i don't really need to work on it much more. Okay, awesome. And Donnie? Hello. Hello. You were in the new office today? Yeah, I got a quick little tour. Oh, really? Your hair, by the way, looks great. What did you do? Yeah, what'd you do over there? Because as soon as you got here,
Starting point is 00:02:16 Pete emailed the company and said, hey, don't come here tomorrow. I mean, I posted a photo of him wearing a hard hat. Oh, yeah. Right after you posted that that he emailed the whole company said hey guys do not come over here he well he said don't come over tomorrow what's tomorrow happening tomorrow and those guys are the real deal like they don't i mean they're they do a very important job because what is that around it's when you get a home or a building, they bring in all the inspectors for fire, plumbing, everything.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Carbon dioxide. Yeah, HVAC, electricity, and pretty much make sure that no one's going to die from faulty construction. Which is, again, it's a very important thing because it was one of those things where I found out when I worked in real estate and I found out they had that. I was like, oh, this was smart that they did this, where you can't just build a house and just be like, okay, now the house is built and it could, you know. That would be funny if you want to take the first basketball shot in the court in the entire building. Just crumbled. Yeah. So, yeah, the certificate of occupancy is being inspected tomorrow, which is a very big day.
Starting point is 00:03:26 We need that to be able to go in. And then. Well, do we have anyone who can, like, grease the palms a little bit? Does anyone here have a wife with big tits that could go with donuts or something? That does happen. You would be. I don't think it. I'm going to say that there's been some cleanup.
Starting point is 00:03:44 But the city of Chicago, that has happened in the past, I would say. Oh, yeah. There's a – oh, sorry. I was saying the office has like a giant walk-in freezer or fridge. I'm not sure. You guys should have like fridge on the wheel, and if you get it, you have to go in the fridge. You have to lock yourself in the fridge for a half hour.
Starting point is 00:04:02 You should put Nikki Smokes in there for cold therapy before the winter hits. Just get him trained. Yeah. I assume you saw the Nicky Smokes prank. Yeah, he got smoked. You guys got smoked. There's nothing you can do about that. Nope.
Starting point is 00:04:17 I might have him create an entire smoked show where it's like he's just pranking people. You got smoked. You hate pranks though i think i like nikki smokes pranks yeah but you're you're against pranks what do you mean i thought he's like the prank master yeah i don't know he hates pranks i'm not against pranks i always i mean i think you said that before that you weren't like if someone asked you like hey what should we do at barstool should we do pranks you'd be like yeah do it but you're lying to them yeah well yeah i don't think that we're like a prank yeah but you like the smokes prank i like the smokes pranks and i like i enjoy a good prank from time to time um yeah dave does not like fits or pranks i think it's a case-by-case
Starting point is 00:04:59 thing like smokes is the perfect guy to do it right so if there were other people that worked here they're if white socks, well, maybe he might be perfect, too. But I love pranks. He smokes with Jason. Roan is the greatest prankster in the world. Roan's great. But there are a handful of people that if they came to you and were like, should I do
Starting point is 00:05:14 pranks? You'd be like, absolutely not, under no circumstances. But yeah. But Smokes, he's a good prankster. Yes. Roan will throw a cactus at you and call it a prank. Yeah. That's a funny prank.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Yeah. And then Jay will do a prank and he'll be like a prank Yeah That's a funny prank Yeah Roan's Che will do a prank and he'll be like I just turned off the wifi Right Yeah Right That's also a funny prank for Che Roan's best prank was remember the day when he
Starting point is 00:05:35 Just When Pete left his Backpack In the In like the lobby And Roan just put like A thousand Lifesavers
Starting point is 00:05:44 In his The mint lifesavers in his backpack so really a prank for an audience of one because pete like on the train ride home was like why do i have all these mints but it's funny it's a mild inconvenience at worst yeah i'm still worried about smokes the uh i asked him for an example of a prank and the first thing that came to mind was put an airbag under my seat yes yes so what he actually went with didn't make sense at all what he actually went with was fine but those are the two data points we have is that he's gonna put something under your seat it might be a bluetooth speaker or it might be a car airbag yeah he don't know all pranks are seat related yeah you'll find out when you sit down and that's
Starting point is 00:06:23 a jackass prank so he's just ripping that off. I'm okay with that though. I'm okay with him. I don't know. Jackass might have pre-ripped him off. That actually might be funnier if he just like, he watches an episode of Ponk. Right. And then he just tries to recreate every single one of them.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Right. Like that's, it's a case of like knowing your strengths. Like I think I know Nicky Smokes at this point pretty well and, like, what his strengths are. Coming up with unique pranks is probably not his strength, but copying pranks, big-time strength. Big-time strength. He just runs all the classics. He's going to make us think Justin Timberlake is bankrupt. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:59 He's going to move our car. Yeah. Yeah. I like all of it. All right. So, what's up, everyone? jj you you're gonna be a professional golfer um i mean there was rumblings there's been rumblings like who's been rumbling no just just talks just jj out of chicago just some possibly foreplay guy and just i don't think i want to be a golfer that bad yet okay but you know i i do like my dream is just to wake up play golf have fun with my son and just have sex with my girlfriend just
Starting point is 00:07:33 golf oh yeah you do that though right now that's your life yeah what i mean you're living your dream as of now yes but in like a week that's going to change what do you mean no it's not you're going to be working in an office with a golf simulator. You're literally going to do this every single day. I mean, that's a good point. I didn't think of a simulator. Yeah, I mean, like I asked you before, I'm not tied to a show, so for a guy like me, I pretty much can just come into the office,
Starting point is 00:08:00 say what's up, head down to the simulator for like eight hours, nine hours, come back upstairs and like have a great day guys go home have sex your girlfriend play with your son yeah yeah yeah i think i think you were one of those people that like you keep saying like when i my dream you don't realize you gotta stop and look around and be like maybe i am in my dream yeah you're right you know i might i actually might be in my dream right now right Right. But how long does the golf last? Do I love it that much? Right now, I love it.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Right. But it could fade away. Then I need to find something else. Where did this itch come from, just beating Dave? No, no, before that. Really? Yeah, before that. I attempted to be a golfer circa 2018, and I did it for like six weeks, and I just hated it after the six weeks like i said never
Starting point is 00:08:48 again then all of a sudden like i think last year yeah last year i just picked it up again i had the club sitting around i was like fuck it let me go play golf one day i went and just been golfing ever since i think between last year and this year i golfed i played 18 over 50 something times wow has anyone ever told you you might have an addictive personality i mean yeah i mean therapists and stuff like that and counselors drug counselors yeah yuppie crack is what they actually call golf oh really yeah what if you become a yuppie crackhead i'm down for that a little sweater tied around yeah we have to have an intervention with with jerry because he's wearing too many polos.
Starting point is 00:09:26 I can't see. I can't do the polo. Yeah, no, you're not a polo guy. I'm not a polo guy. I'm not a tucked-in guy either. Where do you feel most comfortable? What kind of golf course are you most comfortable at? Wide open.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Like a cow pasture that you could slice the drive two fairways over? Exactly, and play it. Still play it? Yeah, like that. So you're not trying to play the bougie courses right now? No, hell no. Plus, I can't afford the bougie courses. They're expensive to play.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah, but you're a celebrity. I mean, I'm sure you could get on it. Yeah, I mean, not a celebrity. Wait, TJ, what is this text you just sent us? The street might be laggy today. What does that mean? It's a laggy stream. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Okay. Okay. So what are we supposed to do with it? People were mad yesterday. They were? Yeah. I'm hopping in the chat right now. Oh, fuck you, ACA Collects.
Starting point is 00:10:19 You said Big Cat sucks. You suck, bitch. But what I don't understand, TJ, is mostly seemed like it was fine. Different computer. Different computer. So why don't we build TJ is mostly seemed like it was fine different computer different computer So why don't we build the whole office with that computer? They think it's this device, but they don't know They don't seem to be doing anything I just hopped in the is the chat always this negative. Oh, yeah. Yeah Chad hates us. Chad hates us. I opted for three minutes, and they had something mean about everyone.
Starting point is 00:10:49 What the fuck? When did our chat get so negative? A couple years ago. Really? They just are negative every day? The interim period has been kind of negative. Okay. I mean, let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:11:00 Yak fell off. The yak did fall off. Fell off. So the people are just still watching, but they're just spending their day just – and obviously this isn't everyone because there's a lot of people watching and there's only a few people commenting, but the people commenting just spend the entire yak saying we suck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:16 But they are going to buy our smut in about a month and a half. Oh, yeah. Do I have that right, TJ? I think they're just being louder. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:30 We should maybe make a list of the people that are the loudest so we can just skull fuck them. Publicly, yeah. The vibes on the show versus the vibes from the fan base could not be more drastically different. Right. Right. For a show that's just like, let's just sit around and shoot the shit and chill. I don't know if we can skull fuck all of them. For some reason. I might try. Sk skull fuck all of them i might try i'll fuck all of them i mean i i fully admit that the first like two weeks and
Starting point is 00:11:49 we moved here was bad but then we hit our stride what was it like two weeks ago fine um i'll cream pie every single one of them i i didn't realize this i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to start skull fucking i'm gonna have to start making a list. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. Okay. People are saying now I've got it wrong. Okay. Hmm. Okay. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:12:10 We'll see. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're like Santa Claus over here, dude. Yeah, I'm going to make a list. If people are going to just be negative, then I'll just be negative back to them. Ooh. Right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Bitches. Right. I mean, that fucking bitch Ian Barrett hasn't been seen. Yeah. Wasted his ass. Give them something they want to hear. Let's talk surviving Barstool. Okay, yeah, let's spoil the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:12:30 No, Jerry. Actually, I shouldn't have had you on the accent. You're going to fuck this up. Do not. I'm not. I'm playing around. You've spoiled like three out of the four things we've taped. No.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Yeah, well, when we did the mini golf event, we all went to the Hamptons to do the mini golf. Very clear that we were taping it and we were releasing it later. Jerry maybe took two steps off the mini golf course. Congratulations to Jeff D. Lowe. Yeah. That's got to be hard to keep inside, though. Well, the Survivor, they did this the survivor they did correctly because we don't know the winner so you can't actually spoil like anyone who's assuming
Starting point is 00:13:10 that they know the winner you we don't even know the way exactly so that part is smart that's a very smart play um but I can give the final no you can't don't if you really can't keep it a secret I think your strategy should be to just muddy the waters and just be constantly spoiling it by just saying all sorts of wild shit. I'm going to congratulate all 14 people. Yeah, just start naming every name. Write your own smut. I'm also surprised, Jerry, you haven't thought about maybe selling spoilers for Barstool. Oh, he has.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Wow, I did not think of that. Yeah, how much do you think people would buy the spoilers for? Oh, shit. JJ Cameos? I mean, I'll do you think people would buy the spoilers for? Oh, shit. JJ Cameos? I mean, I'll do one for 500 right now. No, no, no. I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that.
Starting point is 00:13:52 It was fun, though. Did someone, like, pay a fan for PFT's real name? Oh, yeah. Like a bar or something? Yeah, something like that. He, like, paid some other employee 200 bucks, and he was like, yeah, I'll tell you his name. Jesus Christ. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:06 I mean, to be completely honest, if I was at a bar i don't know am i am i a rat snitch i don't know like if some if some dude walked up to me at the bar and was like what's pft's real name i'll give you 500 i'll be like yeah i'll take your fucking money i don't call any employee here by their real name if they go by uh like a pft i i don't think i call anybody by their real name if they go by, like, a PFT. I don't think I call anybody by their real name. That's been one of the more confusing things since I got hired here is that before I started working here, every single, including my mom and dad and grandma, I have first name, last name on the phone, every single person.
Starting point is 00:14:36 And then when I started working here, it's become very confusing because I don't know what to call everybody. Jerry calls PFT by his real name. It's the only one. It's like him and Dan Campbell are the only two people. Oh, really? Yeah. It's very funny.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Every time it kind of hits. I call Brendan by his first name all the time. Yeah, that's true. He does call you Brendan. Well, my motherfucking name is Brandon. That was great. That was a good one. That was a good one.
Starting point is 00:15:02 When Jerry first started, he spent the whole first month calling him Brendan. And it drove Brendan so insane. The F doesn't stand for? Fucking. Fucking. Oh, okay. Speaking of which. I knew it was a bad word, but I wasn't sure.
Starting point is 00:15:21 What is your name? My first name is Thomas. Oh, yeah, that's right. My first name is thomas oh yeah that's right my middle name is yeah yeah um we did finish our book last night everyone sent in their chapter who felt terrible while writing there i was disgusted with myself i even put in an editor's note in the middle of my chapter being like this is the most shameful thing i've ever done it's the lowest point in my career i'm sorry people out of it they're gonna be jerking and get almost there and then and then i i did a pause and i did a time in
Starting point is 00:15:50 i was like time back in oh no the chimera did it they're never gonna come reading this now i had brandon airtight though for a while i had all his holes plugged but yeah i was disgusted with myself. Wait, this is the whole book? How many characters? How many words? 15,000 words? That's not that many. No, that's a lot. Is it not?
Starting point is 00:16:13 When you put it down to book-sized pages, it'll be more than... How many pages would that be? 46? No, 46 is on ebook. Goosebumps. Got it. When you put it on... I was struggling with my word count, so I just started ripping stuff straight from Wikipedia with the hyperlinks in it.
Starting point is 00:16:30 So that will hopefully be in the book. Putting videos in the book. It's good. There's like citation notes and everything in a paragraph of my chapter. But yeah, that was very difficult to do. I also think that i am let's throw this out there what what level of smartness do you guys think you're at in terms of like your past self i'm yeah 60 as smart as i was when i was 19 right but like what i was
Starting point is 00:16:58 thinking about this because i was actually my my fingers were cramping typing this book last night like i i felt like my brain was foggy. It was difficult for me to do. And I was thinking about it. I was like, am I dumber than I was when I was 13? I'm like 90% dumber than I was a year and a half ago. Right. I think you're probably 13 again.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Right. At what age will my kids be like, help me with my homework? And I'm like, can't. Oh, I passed that already. Really? Yeah. My daughter, I'm two years past being able to do that. What homework are you best at?
Starting point is 00:17:30 I can help her write and everything, but as far as math, I've been out for a while. Really? Yeah. I've been out for a while. I know math is tough. Yeah. I can do football math. What about like history?
Starting point is 00:17:39 Gambling math. Yeah. History I can help with. Like fifth grade history? Well, Brandon's take on history is a little different than everyone else's. Well. Dad, that's not in the book. I mean, the textbooks don't tell you everything.
Starting point is 00:17:52 What do you guys think? Do you think if you had to take like a test that you took. I'll put it this way. I think I can get the same score on the SATs as I did when I took it. What'd you get? I think it was out of 2,400. I got like a 16 or 1700. That's pretty good. Not bad.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Yeah. We didn't take the SATs down south. What do you think down here? I feel like you might have gotten smarter. I mean, I was a biology major in college. What? Yeah. What? That's a real major. Yeah, it was not easy.
Starting point is 00:18:23 What's your coolest biology fact? Did you dissect shit? Yeah, do you remember any of that? Are kids going to drop out of your stomach soon? I don't know. Yeah, but yeah, I used to take a lot of Adderall in college. And just fucking, I don't know. Without that, I don't know how far I would have made it.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Yeah, the problem is you aren't really gaining knowledge. You're, like, playing the game. And so, like, I got great grades in high school, and I did well on the standardized test and all that shit, but then I don't even know if I remember any of that shit. Yeah, college was a game. You're just, like, playing a game to get across the finish line. When do I have to show up?
Starting point is 00:19:03 How do I get the most amount of points without doing the least? It was always, I always, like, the rule for me was I would split my classes in half and be like, all right, half of them I'm going to go to and half of them I'm just going to read the book. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Because if you read the book, like, professors are dumb too. That's the key piece of college is, like, professors are dumb and lazy.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Right. So if you can figure out what what their plan of like what they want to teach they don't change it they just do the same thing every year that is a great point that's a lesson you learned way too late in college is that the professors do not want to be there right do not want to they do not give a fuck about these classes right and you i don't know at least when i was a freshman i was going into it assuming that this was like the most important thing in the world to them and i have to deliver for them or they don't give a shit. It's a human nature thing that you realize like,
Starting point is 00:19:48 Oh, I'm the same as the professor. The professor, professor doesn't want to be here. The professor doesn't want to do his job or her job. They just want to clock in, make tenure and just chill. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Yeah. It was like, how many shortcuts can I take to smoke weed as fast as possible? Right. Right. Yeah. That's, it was like how many shortcuts can i take to smoke weed as fast as possible right right xbox yeah that's i always wonder if me just as me right now could meet a version of me that never dipped her toe in drugs and alcohol is heaven oh yeah would i would that like never touched anything bad in her life would that kate be smarter than this one like did i really kill
Starting point is 00:20:22 all those brain cells or are they just saying that? I don't know. What would be if you lived a healthy life with no drugs, no alcohol going to the gym, how much smarter do you think you'd get? I think I could probably be 50% smarter. But then would I be as worldly?
Starting point is 00:20:40 Because I wouldn't have all the experiences. True. Never would have been jail. If I read? I've been reading a lot of history recently. Like I think I like history more than I did back when I was in school. Oh, yeah. What era are you reading? I go all over the place.
Starting point is 00:20:56 I do like Byzantine Empire. Right now I'm reading something about the Lusitania. Okay. World War I. Sure. Like that's like the only type of books I read these days. Shane Gillis has a funny bit about how once you start getting into history, it's like early forms of republicanism.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Because you're a white guy who's like, let me just read about when white guys rocked. Yeah. I've read some Chinese books. It is. Yeah. Like, let me read about World War II. Yeah. I read about the Mongols, is. Yeah. Like, let me read about World War II. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Yeah. I read about the Mongols, though, you know? What were they up to? I mean, they conquered, like, most of the known world at one point. Killing a lot of fucking. How far did the Mongols get? They got to Germany. Really?
Starting point is 00:21:38 Yeah. They were on Germany's doorstep, and then the Khan died, so they're like, shit, we got to go back for his funeral but if he hadn't died they probably would have taken over Western Europe really they conquered Russia um carrier mule or something
Starting point is 00:21:56 they just had like uh horses relay back and forth how they found out things back how did they why did they decide to just keep going like at some point do you think some of those dudes were like hey can we stop fighting everyone yes some of them were but they were just like wow like what if we actually just conquered the whole world you want to know something really fucked up they did when they defeated the russian kings or something like
Starting point is 00:22:21 that they tied up all of the prisoners and then put a giant board over all of them and had a victory feast on top of them so they were all being slowly squished to death oh they just celebrated that's so metal yeah it's great can you show me a map of the mongols dj how far they got and they became a motorcycle gang is this an education very active on it might be i i didn't even know i don't know shit about history do you think the world was a better place when it was only about like fucking and coming and eating isn't it just about that now holy shit how do you can really control all that yeah they really cell phones yeah but how do you again right so i think they would have a horse sprint for like two days, then hand off the message,
Starting point is 00:23:06 and then have another horse sprint for two days, hand off the message. How do you have that many troops? Wait, was this also concurrently with the Roman Empire? Because didn't the Roman Empire last all the way until like 100 years ago? The Eastern Roman Empire did. Did they just like really respect India? Or they just didn't? They just didn't.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Yeah, they didn't fuck with India. Was there mountains there maybe? Yeah, the Himalayas. Yeah. Maybe that's what it was. Those are tough. Yeah. Those are some mountains.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Now show me the Roman Empire because I feel like they went fucking far. Look at all the empires. Yeah, what was the best empire? Who's the good empire? Was that the biggest one of all time? I think Romans would be way up there. The British Empire was the biggest one of all time? I think Romans got way up there. The British Empire was actually the largest of all time. That's true.
Starting point is 00:23:49 In the late 1800s, they controlled like... Oh, the Roman Empire was nothing. The Pussy Empire. Yeah, but Roman Empire has a good coastline. Yeah, they have some solid real estate. Yeah, they do. They got some sick vacation spots. Which was the one that the sun never sets on?
Starting point is 00:24:03 The British. British? That's Tiger Stadium. Show the British Empire. British went everywhere. Oh, it never rains. Never rains in Tiger Stadium. Is that true? Yeah. What does that mean? Never rains in Tiger Stadium.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Yeah. LSU. Look it up. Read a book. This is the British Empire? It doesn't feel the same when it's not all connected. Wait, but didn't they have didn't they have america yeah this is 1920s yeah oh what about it it's height it's everyone i think that was the height right oh no there it is right there the look at the one that's like all filled out tj oh the third one down. Yeah. Damn. Hmm. Fuck the risk. That's some solid empire. We had a lot of Africa, man.
Starting point is 00:24:49 That's some solid fucking empire. Yeah. Look at that. Wait, there was a Brazilian empire? Yeah. I think that's, yeah. We should play Risk. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Risk is a fun game. Yeah. I've never played Risk. Really? Yeah. It's a very fun game. I've never played Risk. Really? Yeah. It's a very fun game. What is it? It's like a map game where you try to create empires.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Yeah, you conquer each other. Huh. Yeah, I could talk about empires. I'll be goddamn. I'm a U.S. guy. U.S. of A, baby. Yeah. The best empire there ever was.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Ever. Still are an empire. We got... Yeah, do something about it, baby. Yeah. The best empire there ever was. Ever. Still our empire. We got, yeah, do something about it, world. American Samoa. Yep. Yep. We got the U.S. Virgin Islands. Yep.
Starting point is 00:25:34 We got. Guam. Guam, baby. Football in England. We got like 50 states. Mm-hmm. We used to have the Philippines. Used to.
Starting point is 00:25:42 We had to get involved in every war. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We do. We do a lot of shit. Send money to everybody. Philippines. We used to. We had to get involved in every war. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We do. We do a lot of shit. Send money to everybody. Oh, yeah. Joey B sending a lot of money around.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Do they ever thank us? I don't think they do. No. What do you think about that, JJ? All I'll say is Trump gave back to the hood men. He gave back. I mean, he gave back. He gave back he gave back we be just taking taking taking and that was politics would change it i think you should do a political minute like i would
Starting point is 00:26:19 love to see you break down it would be awesome it'd be funny it. It'd be great, but then I'd just be canceled. So it'd be... I couldn't do it here. Maybe you'd find a new market. Yeah. Nah, dude. Dave don't mess around with shit like that. He doesn't want that here.
Starting point is 00:26:34 You're trying to run for political office here, though? No, no. I would like to do something in my town. I just haven't figured out what to do. I feel like Comptroller. I don't know what that does, but it always sounds cool. That's numbers, though. Comptroller, JJ. So I just missed't figured out, like, what to do. I feel like Comptroller. I don't know what that does, but it always sounds cool. That's numbers, though. Comptroller JJ.
Starting point is 00:26:48 So I just missed this thing. It's like the Golden Heart. Did you see that, Steven, in our town? It's like the Golden Heart Award they give to somebody every year. And it's, I want to. You just missed being eligible? Well, yeah, because they just announced the winner. It was like for the whole year.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Who won? Who gives the most back to the community. So I think that's a good starting point. If you start now, you they just announced the winner. It was like for the whole year. Who won? Who gives the most back to the community? So I think that's a good starting point. If you start now, you could possibly win next year. I could start. You should just start like randomly showing up to parks and building things at the park. Even shit they don't need. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Just building playgrounds. Yeah. Build like a catwalk. They have nice ones already. So it's tough. I got to figure out something. Yeah, you got to give back. It's going to take out from your time playing golf, though, if you're going to give back. True. it's tough. I got to figure out something. Yeah, you got to give back. It's going to take out from your time
Starting point is 00:27:25 playing golf, though, if you're going to give back. True. That's true. Unless he builds him a golf course. A JJ-designed golf course would be pretty nice. You know, they don't have golf for toddlers. Golf courses for toddlers.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Mini-golf. Mini-golf? Is that not just mini-golf? But even minier. No bad ideas. No bad ideas. We're just workshopping it. Yeah. Golf for toddlers.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Who was it? Oh, it was Kenny's friend who invented, when we went to dinner for your birthday. I invented like six things. He invented just batting cages. He was like, I want to make top golf, but it's for baseball. Yeah. I was like, so batting cages. Shit, foiled again.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Oh, man. It was a good idea. No. Batting cages rock. They do. Virtual baseball is sweet, which they should have more of that here. We're going to start playing wiffle ball in the new office. I wouldn't like to into TikTok holes watching those wiffle ball championship games.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Oh, yeah. Those are incredible. I couldn't hit a pitch. Major League Wiffle's in their playoffs right now. They're in the NLDS. Oh, those are so good. I wonder if we can host a game. I bet you we could host a game next year.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Their World Series is at the Atlanta Falcons Stadium. Oh, shit. But how deep is their fence? It's got to only be like 115 feet. I think we could do it. When you say at the stadium, like actually inside the stadium? Holy shit. That rocks.
Starting point is 00:28:59 So much fun. Have they made like a sick wiffle ball? There's nothing cooler than someone who just decides to make like a replica MLB stadium in their backyard. There's a Fenway. There's a Fenway. There's a Field of Dreams. Pull it up. I want to see those.
Starting point is 00:29:12 All in one area. There's like a Wrigley, Fenway, and Field of Dreams in the same complex. Really? Can you pull that up? I want to see that complex. We should go play there. Where is that? Is it indoor?
Starting point is 00:29:24 I was a big junk ball bat guy bat guy oh the big red bat are you saying put the toilet i i would put the the uh it was a brand junk ball oh they had like the best bats and i was like a big wiffle ball nerd i would cork the yellow bat by if you stuff a wet uh paper towel in there get it real like. Get some electric tape on there. I would cut a hole in mine and put a bunch of rocks in there. Would that work? Really? Like fill it fully with rocks?
Starting point is 00:29:53 You had it about the same as a baseball bat. And you don't think Barry Bonds should be in the Hall of Fame? Well, there was no actual rules to... Where is this? This is awesome. Yeah, that's pretty fucking sick. Where is this? To Little Fish. This is awesome. Yeah, that's pretty fucking sick.
Starting point is 00:30:07 Like, this is an ultimate dude's rock. Yeah. Guy was just like, I'm just going to build some baseball stadiums. He's got bullpens. He's got bullpens. Oh, yeah, he's got bullpens. That's incredible. That is so sick.
Starting point is 00:30:19 I want to do this. Let's see his Wrigley. Oh, that's cool. That's his field of dreams. It's pretty good. He's got all water and everything. And there's Wrigley. That his Wrigley. Oh, that's cool. That's his Field of Dreams. It's pretty good. He's got all water and everything. And there's Wrigley. That's Wrigley, yeah. This is nicer than some like D3 sporting
Starting point is 00:30:31 programs. Yeah. I think there's another little Wrigley in Illinois somewhere. His Fenway steals the show, though. Yeah, it feels like he put the most effort into his Fenway. Well, he's from Vermont. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Wow, he's got ample parking.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Where the fuck does this guy live? What does he do for work? Yeah, what does he do for work? He just builds stadiums. Why don't people do that with football fields? Football fields are all too much sameness. You just need a big rectangle surrounded by a circle. I know.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Yeah, you just kind of need. I think there's a lot more liability on your land, too, if you have people coming to play football. Baseball does kind of. Baseball and golf courses own uniqueness in sports. Like basketball doesn't really do it much. Hockey, no. They don't do it nearly as much as baseball.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Do what? What is it? Unique statements. Oh, like the dimensions are variable. Or uniform. It is very funny that baseball has like every field is different. It makes no sense. Variable dimensions in basketball would be sick.
Starting point is 00:31:38 If the Warriors had a 25-foot football line. I think there are some outlandish people that have pitched that as, I don't know how I say it. Like, it's not a mainstream idea, but I think that's been, like, tossed around before by, like, podcasters somewhere that spice up. Like, what if the Warriors moved their three-point line back so they gave, like, Stephens even more of an advantage? Yeah. And then some teams just, like, could do away with the three-point line? That'd be fucking sick that would be sick you you're playing in atlanta and they're just like we don't have a
Starting point is 00:32:09 three-point line yeah and our pain is the entire yeah like it's just three second violations yeah constantly yeah and we have our dimension double rims yeah yeah chain chain rims the um fuck yeah do you ever look at the polo grounds? Like, that's the funniest thing ever. Like 490 feet tall? They just roll for days, right? Yeah, they just didn't. I don't understand how you could have a –
Starting point is 00:32:34 it is a very funny concept to, like, explain to someone else. Like, yeah, we have a sport, our national pastime, but every single field is completely different dimension. The left field at polo field Apollo grounds was like 251 feet yeah you could play with it on the show yeah that's I remember you could you could play well the polo ground that was one of the polo grounds on the show is fantastic yeah if you had like an achievement where you need like inside the park home runs to you like yeah guy inside the park or set out this yeah in North in Korea, dunks are worth three points.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Kim Jong-un just invented his own rules for the sport. Seriously? Yeah. And then I think in the last two minutes of the game, all baskets are worth eight points. He has crazy rules. I actually think the dunks rule is a great idea. I actually think that that's a way to combat dudes just spotting up at the
Starting point is 00:33:25 three-point line in the nba give big men jesus get big men back in the game look at that that's why willie mazes catch was so famous because he he was like way way back there when he caught it 483 to center i mean why didn't they okay so why not just turn the field all the way around? Like behind home plate, that feels like a perfect – Yeah. Yeah. Like make that the home. You're right. Make that the outfield.
Starting point is 00:33:53 They're also – I mean, just think about the fact that that's insane. Where was this at? This is in Brooklyn, right? Yeah. Yeah, so you could just rip it down the left field line. Like if you keep it tight to the line. How deep would guys play in center field? That is so fucking far.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Look at that. Who played? Is that the Dodgers? That's awesome. Yeah, I think it was the Giants. The Dodgers played at Ebbets Field. That's hilarious. That is such a funny.
Starting point is 00:34:26 I mean, the Astros. When did the Astros get rid of their hill? That's something that doesn't get talked about at all. Six or seven years ago. The fact that there was a hill in the middle of the center field. In a flagpole. In a flagpole. Flagpole just in play.
Starting point is 00:34:38 The dumbest thing ever. Bullpens used to just be like on the field. Yeah. Wrigley had them for up until a few. Look at that. That would be cool. Every stadium had had them for up until a few years. Look at that. That would be cool. Every stadium had one goofy thing. For a long time.
Starting point is 00:34:49 There was just tombstones on the field, basically, in left field. Wait, really? Balls would rattle around and bounce off of the monuments. Can I see a picture of that? That's insane. So if you hit that flagpole way up high, it's not a home run. It's not a home run. That's in play, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Got to hit it over or around. That's so funny. The flagpole can rob a home run. It's not a home run. Yeah. Got to hit it over or around. That's so funny. A flagpole can rob a home run. A huge hill in the middle of the center field. So dangerous. Yeah. Incredibly dangerous. Why?
Starting point is 00:35:13 If you're running full speed, running back, looking up at the ball, and then all of a sudden the ground changes underneath you. Wait, this is – oh, my God. Bobby Mercer dancing around the gravestones. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Bobby Mercer dancing around the gravestones. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. What?
Starting point is 00:35:32 Got to hop over this dead guy real quick. Well, they aren't actually buried dead. I thought for all. You know what I miss is watching football games in Oakland with the, and the Niners used to play too. The dugout? Yeah. The infield?
Starting point is 00:35:47 Yeah, same with the Dolphins. San Diego did it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that shit is like such low rent. Spot the ball on dirt. Yeah. Yeah, you got to snap it from a –
Starting point is 00:35:58 It was cool though. It was pretty cool. It was very cool. It's been what, 20, 30 years since then? No, the Raiders were playing there. I feel like Oakland was not that long ago. Yeah, it was whenever they moved. It was like five years ago.
Starting point is 00:36:12 They were still playing on that four years ago. I don't even know when the new stadium opened. You want to do the High Noon ad real quick, Titus? I'll do the High Noon ad. It's time to load up the ice and break out the oversized long games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time. Not a long time. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. Pear's my favorite.
Starting point is 00:36:47 I love the pear. They're all good, but pear is my favorite. What about you, Mook? Which one? Let me take a look. What are the – pear's good. Black cherry maybe? Black cherry, maybe some lime.
Starting point is 00:36:58 I'm a big high noon guy. Grapefruit. Grapefruit hits. I'm a peach gal. So is our internet just keeps going out, TJ? It's been okay. Every single... What is this?
Starting point is 00:37:13 A while back, I measured the specs of every single Ohio high school home baseball field in the search of the weirdest fields to play an official game. Here, in my opinion, the four weirdest fields you can play on in Ohio high school baseball. I like this. There's that one on the bottom right. this i like this 198 to left oh don't laugh at me what's the average like universal outfield length for little league is 200 okay so high school would be like 300 down the poles 350 to center would be like small ish okay major leagues is like 350 down the poles 400 to center would be like small-ish. Okay. Major leagues is like 350 down the poles, 400 to center. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:46 So this is like insanely small down the poles here. 198 down the poles, you're probably putting up like 10, 15 runs a game. Yeah. Yeah. Little league fields are 180. In the Major League Baseball stadium, Kate, where it says 198, like the outfielder would be on the other side of the wall playing. Yankee Stadium is like 315 to right field
Starting point is 00:38:08 and they call it the notoriously short right field. They should play a Major League Baseball game in Williamsport. Not the one that they do. Actually on... I don't think anyone would be able to get a hit though because the mound...
Starting point is 00:38:24 Oh yeah. The pitchers would be throwing like 190 miles an hour. But it would be cool to see just getting a little bit of contact. Have the Little League kids pitch. Yeah. Little League kids are all-time pitchers. How many of them would die? Whoa, this one's weird. It's worth it.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Give me an orange stealth, and I'm taking out eight Little Leaguers. Oh, shit. That's just three fields in one. That's Barnesvilleville they got the pumpkin festival over there do they yeah probably banned from it somehow all these farmers i'd go to the barnsville farm fest okay this one's this oh fuck is that rocky river this would piss me off so much yeah that's stupid you can just never hit a home run y'all could lefty paradise there's no way you could hit a ball 356 y'all could brandon i don't i don't really understand there's no
Starting point is 00:39:14 chance i'll do that today so basically like for this one it's just we can't afford a fence like you have all the you could very easily just put like a oh my god solve that problem what even is this what the fuck where even is the i think it's the top left is where the pitchers mount yeah holy shit that's a football field goal post all right can technically watch the game from the football bleachers. I don't think you would want to. Wait, how'd it go? It went 435 to 316. I'm so confused. What's that?
Starting point is 00:39:52 What the fuck? Where's home plate? Top left? Yep. That's home. It feels like right field's further than 316. They might just mean that little cutout. I mean, the football field is 300 and what?
Starting point is 00:40:06 360? You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. What's math? 360, right? You got it because I don't got it.
Starting point is 00:40:13 360. Is that right? Right. Yeah. Thank you, Steven. No, I said it. Why are you thinking? No, Steven got that.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's use the Asian guy for the math. Donnie, your hair looks good today. What have you been doing? Why do you keep complimenting his hair my hair right here the comment didn't take the first time i just i didn't clean it the last couple days you didn't what i just i didn't wash it the last couple days i think that's what you're supposed to do yeah that's key i used to shampoo every day my hair looked like shit and then i just stopped. Fuck. Huge improvement. Do you wet it?
Starting point is 00:40:46 Yeah, I'll wet it. But you just don't put shampoo in it? Yeah, no shampoo, and I'll do conditioner a couple times a week. I got to start doing that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Every, like, three days. I think you're supposed to wash it. Is that true?
Starting point is 00:40:57 No, it is. Okay. The show is about your hair. Yeah, we can talk about my hair all you guys want. Listen, I have no problem. Like, we as men should not have a problem complimenting each other. No, I got something that girls do to each other, and they pump each other up, and they obviously talk shit behind their back.
Starting point is 00:41:13 I told you yesterday how handsome you looked. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. You got to love your boys. You said I was a redneck. No, I didn't. My college roommate was completely bald by the time he was a senior in college,
Starting point is 00:41:25 which is rough. Oh, happens to a lot of us. Yeah. And I bet you, he wishes he got more compliments when he did have hair. Yeah. Never know when the last time is. Except now if anybody needs hair, you can go to Turkey. They got some cheap hair transplant surgeries out there. What? Yeah. It's the hair transplant capital of the world is this like the brazilian butt lift yeah exactly but you go to uh istanbul and i'm trying to do a trip where i bring like four co-workers and four fans who are all balding so like white socks dave marty mush maybe hubs wow i love this and then just four random fans, and they pay some sort of package. But then you have me as your tour guide. I show you around the city, make sure you get your new hair follicles,
Starting point is 00:42:12 and then we all head back to the U.S. with full heads of hair. What are they doing that's different? Are they just keeping out on it? Can I see a Turkish hair transplant? No, it's just like— Oh, Teresa McGrady went to Turkey? Oh, Turkey's big on the veneers, too, the teeth. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:28 And some people get really bad ones. No, it's the same exact surgery that you would receive here. It's just a lot cheaper, just because I think Turkey's a cheap country. Well, Theresa McGrady can afford... Wait, did he actually went to Turkey for this? This is an ad, I guess, for this company,
Starting point is 00:42:43 but this is an SM... Now Hair Time? Yeah. Ooh, what this is in Istanbul. Now Hair Time? Yeah. Ooh, what a name. Now it's Hair Time. They can sponsor this series. Wait, can we see him? We never saw him get the hair.
Starting point is 00:42:52 We got to see the finished product. What does his hair look like? Now Hair Time. When you're flying out of Istanbul, there's usually at least 10 people on your flight with just bandages all over their head. Can we see Tracer and Graves' new hair? Oh, that's like the Mexican butt lift thing. That's what I said, Brazilian.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Brazilian butt lift. BBL. I was seeing ladies can get their chins and all this stuff done in Mexico for like $400. It's like a ton of stuff done. And part of me is like, I don't hang it. Is it south of us? I like that, Kate. It is, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Would you ever get a BBL? I don't know. If I cared more about my appearance, probably, but I don't. Jerry, you'd be hilarious with the Brazilian butt lift. That'd be funny. You should get calf implants. It's a price on everything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:39 You should get that. Yeah, you should get a Brazilian butt lift, calf implants, bicep implants. Bicep implants. Jerry just gets off the plane in Turkey. He's like, give me the works. Wait, so his hair doesn't look that much better? I think it looks pretty good. The left is really bad.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Well, the left is shaved. Oh. Yeah, it just got longer. Can you look up bad veneers, Turkey? Because that's an algorithm I've been seeing. People who have gone to the wrong spots, and come back with like um mr wilson teeth at the end of dennis the menace they're like the two chiclets speaking of surgery do y'all want to talk about dolly parton's titties what happened about him buddy we already started them yeah well we started talking about that this
Starting point is 00:44:19 morning uh when we were talking about we were talking about turkey and and all that and then uh she you know got her titties like six decades ago. Wait, they're fake? She always said they were real, but a lot of people online seem to think they were fake. So if she did get her titties six decades ago, she has to get them reupholstered every decade. Part of believing all women when they say their breasts are real, I believe them. Did she really say they're real? She's always said they're real, but people online say them. I thought she very openly was like, yeah, I got fake. Yeah. Did she really say they're real? She's always said they're real, but... Really?
Starting point is 00:44:45 I always thought the opposite. I thought she very openly was like, yeah, I got fake tits. What we noticed was on Dolly Parton these days, if you see a recent picture of her, everything is looking aged except for her chest, which is still just as virile as it always was. Good for her. Still just... And they're real. I don't know that.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Do you believe all women? I don't believe her on this, no. Good for her. Still just. And they're real. I don't know that. Do you believe all women? I don't believe her on this. Okay. No. So not all. Not all. I'm not a big fake tit guy. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:45:19 They're nice. They're nice. I don't think I would get fake tits, but I think I'd get them like picked up a little bit. Yeah. I think I'd get them like. You can do that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Can you do that without making them fake? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, for lifetime funding. You can get them perkified. Figuring out what's fake and what's not. I just believe everything's real. So you believe too much. Wow, those are perky.
Starting point is 00:45:38 Yeah. Yeah. I was watching the new Golden Bachelor and some of those older ladies have like old school whatever and they look like hard as rocks yeah a little tough that's kind of weird yeah i guess feeling them or well you can also just do fat transfers but they take fat from one part of your body and they do that a lot in columbia or tits they do yeah yeah they do the fat that's just efficiency yeah yeah yeah like why would you want fat in your stomach when you put it in your ass? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Just moving shit around. Yeah, they do that a lot there. I should do that. I haven't figured that out with dick yet, though. Mm-hmm. It's like, why can't I take some calf and put it in my ass? That's coming. I feel like that's coming.
Starting point is 00:46:16 That's got to be coming. They have to figure it out. Dick's a little too diet-y. I think they already have dick surgeries now. Yeah, you can do it. But fat can't get hard. It's like, you've got to have tendon, extra tendon. Yeah, that's what I... I think what they do have dick surgeries now. You can do it. But fat can't get hard. It's like you got to have tendon, extra tendon. Yeah, that's what I...
Starting point is 00:46:26 I think what they do for dick surgeries, they just move your dick further out of your body. Really? Yeah, there's a very famous dick doctor down in Miami. I watched a documentary on him. Liposuction to make your stomach smaller so your penis looks larger. Oh, so it looks...
Starting point is 00:46:44 Yeah, I mean, that's just... I do the dick surgery every time I trim my pubes. Yes. Yeah. Where I'm like, wow, I'm a new big. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, damn, would I have that fucking enormous? It's the best feeling.
Starting point is 00:46:57 It's like Christmas. Yeah, it really is. They also have a surgery where they have to break Like all of the bones in your legs But they can make you maybe four inches taller Zod did that Oh yeah Did they make you taller Yeah
Starting point is 00:47:13 It was to straighten my bone But yeah they made me What two centimeters taller Over ten days Was that the most painful shit ever When it got cold. Really? So whenever it's overcast, I don't even need to be outside.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I can tell you that it's cloudy outside. Holy shit. Whoa. Still to this day? Superpower. Yeah. Fuck. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:47:36 That sucks. JJ, why don't you? I'm thinking about that now. Yeah. You should be wearing lifts. I know. I know. Do you see Ron DeSantis' shoes?
Starting point is 00:47:46 Well, I did have a surgery when I was smaller. I was, they straightened out my, I was pigeon-toed. And then they did something when I was really, really young. I don't know if it was like an actual surgery or I wore these braces or something on my feet. Forest Gump. You were Forest Gump? When I was small, yeah, because I would walk pigeon-toed. Do you remember wearing the braces?
Starting point is 00:48:09 No, I don't, unfortunately. I was really young. Wait, were you wearing the braces when you got kidnapped? I don't think so. I think it was even before that. Okay. I think when I was really, really small. Jerry got kidnapped.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah, time out. Sesame Street. By who? Rando. Rando? Yeah. Like, like what off the street no nothing didn't do anything to me no just took you for a ride walked around with a whole different person at a mall right no it was at sesame street park and he just he just took you and yeah i just remember like just not being with my mom or dad and just with somebody else and they were looking for me for such a long time and then finally i guess the guy i think it was a guy just like wasn't next to me and just heard my mom and dad
Starting point is 00:48:59 like screaming gerard gerard gerard ger. I was by myself somewhere. Holy shit. Scary stuff. Yeah. A lot of scary stuff happened. Did you interact with the guy? I don't remember much. I don't remember much. He was probably just like, all right, this fruit isn't worth the squeeze.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Probably not. Look at this pigeon-toed kid. Aw. Aw. Don't do that. Yeah. Send him back. A lot of people are pigeon-toed, and they don't even know it.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Really? Yes. I think Dave might know it. Really? Yes. I think Dave might be a little bit. Yes. Yeah, he has like a penguin walk. It's like a little weird. You can just tell if he's walking down the street, you're like, yeah, that's Dave. Well, when he went limp leg at the Super Bowl, immediately his feet went in.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Jerry getting kidnapped. Yeah, and remember I told you like did you what if what if that was your real father exactly yeah and then your kid your parents were actually the ones that kidnapped you and they switched the story on you exactly i remember you saying that it's very possible very possible it could have happened yeah i don't know if that's a kidnapping or like a hangout sesh. Yeah, true. Yeah, what if he was trying to get you back to your parents? He just saw a kid walking around by the door.
Starting point is 00:50:12 That also could be it. He was like, I should stick with this kid to make sure nothing bad happens to him. That's a good point. He was the same. He actually saved your life. Sounds like you're open to any interpretation. Yeah. I don't know. Could have gone any way. It's a concern. It sounds like you're open to any interpretation. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:50:26 It could have gone any way. Yeah, it could have. Wait, you just said there was a lot of bad shit. What was the other bad? I almost got molested by a priest. Oh, Jesus. That I remember specifically. It was after catechism.
Starting point is 00:50:43 CCD? CCD. Yeah. Yes. What's the song? What's the song this what is it that i remember dude it was it was um oh what do you call the people you don't call them popes no priests priests preach joe or john it was one of them one joe or john yeah just asked me to stay after just really really weird dude after CCD. It was on
Starting point is 00:51:07 every Saturday, I think it was. The parents would drop you off and you'd go to the class and learn about Jesus and all that stuff. And then just, I had a really, really weird feeling. And he asked me to stay after. I was like, okay, I guess. Stayed after and just
Starting point is 00:51:23 talking to me really weird. Never touched me or anything. And then, like, I just got weirded out. And I was like, hey, I got to go, dude. Sorry, I got to go. My parents are waiting outside. I'm leaving. So I think if I stayed, I would have got molested.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Damn. Damn. Damn. St. Anthony's Church. Did that guy end up molesting people in the future? I think they all do. I don't know if they all do. I mean, I think a lot of them do.
Starting point is 00:51:51 I think it's more than you think. It is a lot. It's a lot. I was eight years old when I started altar serving or something like that. And like, you would be alone with the priest in the back of the vestibule yeah for like 30 minutes sometimes before mass started that's a little weird you hanging out with like a 65 year old yeah man yeah the back of churches are creepy as hell too yeah there's like no lighting i used to think the confessionals were the doors to heaven and i would slip notes to god underneath it like write them during the
Starting point is 00:52:22 week and be like here you go it's like what they it's like the craziest thing is like oh yeah go say you know you're free if you just go say three hail marys and two our fathers yeah it's like that's it yeah i just murdered my neighbors like it's okay say two hail marys one hour fathers you're good like it works for us yeah i used to get all my booze in high school from priests really but uh yeah i worked at a retreat for priests in my town over the summer and those guys would booze and they just had this giant liquor cabinet in the basement and on my way out most days would take like a 30 rack or a retreat for priests yeah what retreat for boys it was yeah where all the priests
Starting point is 00:53:06 who worked at BC, it's where they would go for the summers. They just hang out? Get fucked up? It's like a Romspringa for priests. Yes, exactly. I feel kind of bad about that, but the whole molestation scandal. Yeah, you're even. That's even.
Starting point is 00:53:23 Brandon, how's the Zoloft doing? Doing good. Can you notice it? What what is that i don't know if i uh anxiety medication really i don't know how much i noticed it in my day-to-day but uh i feel like i've been a little bit better you said you had a good dream about you're just catching fish the other night yeah my dreams have gotten better my sleep's gotten better oh that, that's good. Yeah. Now I dream about pleasant things. What were you dreaming about before? Oh, just all life ending and everything and kids dying and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Jesus Christ. Yeah. And now I- What the fuck? Two nights ago, I dreamed about going fishing. Caught a lot of catfish. You ever thought about a dream catcher maybe? Hmm?
Starting point is 00:54:06 You ever thought about a dream catcher? What is that? You ever thought about a dream catcher? What is that? You don't know what a dream catcher is? You just hang it up on your wall. Sounds like you've never thought about the dream catcher. It catches your dreams. I don't think that. Do you think that'll help? I think, yeah. I think it's proven. It almost certainly isn't proven.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I think so. You think that if I hang that on my walls, I'll be fine? I got a dream catcher on my wall. I haven't had a dream since probably 2012. You have a dream catcher on your wall? No, you've had a dream since 2012. How does a dream catcher work, then? I don't remember any of my dreams.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Is it catching the dream coming out of your head, or is it catching it before it gets to your head? I think it might be catching it before it gets to you. So you have no dreams. Before it gets to you, it's in your head. I always thought you have the dream, and then it goes into the dream catcher, and that's where you store it. Maybe. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:49 I thought the dream catcher was kind of like a spider web, and as the dream goes through it, the spider picks out the bad parts of the dream and keeps them on the web. See, I didn't know all this. When y'all wake up, do y'all struggle? Do y'all try to determine to remember the dream you just had? Yeah, of course. Sometimes I wake up, and it gets away from me me and it's one of the most frustrating things. Oh, there's nothing worse than having a good dream and having it broken up by the alarm. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:11 I take Unisom, which is like melatonin, and I always get the most vivid dreams within the first 20 minutes of falling asleep and then I wake up and then I go back to sleep. You know what's good for crazy dreams? Nicotine patch. Really? Oh my God. You're doing that to have a crazy dream? I mean, I never did it to have a crazy dream, but when you have that patch on, it's very,
Starting point is 00:55:37 very, I mean, that's probably a study that's shown. That's a proven study. Nicotine patches? Yeah. 100%. Crazy dreams. that's a proven study nicotine patches yeah 100 crazy dreams i'm jealous of people who can who have like just lucid dreams all the time there's so i feel like that i feel like it's always too when people who smoke a lot of weed stop smoking weed and then they get a shitload
Starting point is 00:55:58 of dreams you go your brain just runs at night that's badass i don't believe a lot of those people though you don't think they're lying? Yeah. Why would they lie? Just to make fun of it. Their personality was smoking weed before. Now their personality is crazy dream guy. You gotta fill the void somehow.
Starting point is 00:56:19 It's one thing no one wants to talk about to another thing no one wants to talk about. Exactly. Next up is like pickleball. man fantasy football yep yeah oh dude my lineup was went crazy this week what is the standings in ours not to bring up something speaking of kate beat me she beat you sometime she had she had three three out of her five players played she had two players that did not play and she beat me because her kicker kicked two feet. Oh, I need to make a drop.
Starting point is 00:56:47 That's the dumbest fucking league we've ever – this is the dumbest thing we've ever done. I felt good about it. Oh, shit, I'm five and one. Has anybody else had or dropped yet? No. Does anyone have Jared Goff? Yeah. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:57:03 All right, can I drop him? Steven, can I drop Justin steven can i drop justin fields jared goff thank you can you do that for me awesome to marty cooper for cooper cup at like 4 a.m the other day how many drops you get two who's on my team field saquon oh i've been playing with like no one. You get Jamar on a bye this week. It's just Jake Elliott's been balling out. Yeah. It's a kicker league.
Starting point is 00:57:31 It doesn't matter. That's the only thing that matters. That's the only thing that's ever going to matter. Kickers win games, so it doesn't make crazy nonsense. Okay. They don't kick 50-point field goals. They win games all the time. All right, who's in last right now?
Starting point is 00:57:43 Kate. By a lot? By a game. Damn. But again, it's loser's bracket. So last place doesn't mean you're out. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true.
Starting point is 00:57:56 What's the cutout? Che, bottom four. Bottom four. So the line's right here. Things can still turn around for me, right? Yeah, still early. Yeah, it's still early in the season yeah if your team is uh if your team is healthy yeah i have nowhere to go but up my team is not i didn't know i had darren waller and saquon that's a terrible terrible combo yeah and deontay johnson is coming I'm going to lose some more money.
Starting point is 00:58:26 I didn't see your take on that not giving the ball to Saquon there. Did you tweet about it? No, I didn't tweet anything about it. Because I tweeted it, and then people were like, oh, did you not see the first half, what happened? It's like, yeah, I did, but at the same time, I feel like you still got to get that guy the ball no matter what. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:45 You got to get Sequel on the rock. They should have ran the ball. I think so, too. Because the Bills, it was pass interference on the final play, but the Bills could just pass interference every single play because there's no penalty. When there's no time on the clock and it's from the one-yard line, you could just keep passing.
Starting point is 00:59:04 It's like it's like playing pickup basketball and just fouling the shit out of someone on game point over and over and over steven what is what's going on in your house these days you on the topic sheet you said how big of a dick is too big and then what is the most exclusively male chore yeah how many women have you seen mow a lawn are you? Is that a euphemism or you actually meant Moa Lawn? Oh I used to be a lawnmower lady. Really? At my house growing up. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 00:59:32 What? What? I feel like I've seen under four women ever in my life. Under four? I can name. I don't know how many people I've seen Moa Lawns in my life. Like i can name i don't know how many people i've seen mow lawns in my life like i don't you don't like i said live in cities yeah yeah no my mom was the riding mower lady and
Starting point is 00:59:55 i was the push mower instead of a fence my dad planted like 50 pine trees around our yard i had to go around every single that made it way more difficult it was an enormous pain in the ass but that was I could pull the little string and get it going what's the most masculine chore? taking out the trash? I would say I just throw fucking boxes on the ground
Starting point is 01:00:16 and I'm like Pat will take care of this like it's the best I gotta think have you guys seen women mow the lawn? yes you can recall In the south a lot yes My mom mows the lawn all the time
Starting point is 01:00:33 My mom does it now I feel like it was how my mom got away from us When you put on headphones And you're like out in the yard And you're like I'll see you in two hours That's nice I got a good one I've never seen a chinese person
Starting point is 01:00:47 pump their own gas okay okay that is a good one i have he lives in new jersey yeah that definitely well you've lived your whole life in new jersey true yeah i just started but i don't think we talk about that enough. There has to be – there's definitely a bell curve of dick size. Something is – at some point – You're right. We don't talk about it enough. It's an inconvenience where it's like, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Wait, we got to go back here. You got to watch Stephen Shea pump some gas. Well, I don't think he's Chinese. Half. Yeah. Really? I mean, I've never seen him pump his own gas. He told me today,
Starting point is 01:01:28 I'm Chinese, the bottom half. I was like, what? What? I think he meant he's from the bottom half of China. No, he meant his dick was Chinese. Oh, shit. Just a classic Jerry. I've never seen a Chinese person pump his own gas. I still haven't.
Starting point is 01:01:43 I really haven't. I've never seen a woman hibachi chef. Oh! That's good. That's a good one. That's not bad. That's a really good one. I haven't seen a lot of fat Asian people. Ooh, I've seen some. Really? Yeah. You have lived in China. Fat Asian kids are the funniest
Starting point is 01:02:00 things to look at. Yeah, but I don't think that... Aren't they like little kings, though? Aren't they seen as like like that's a good thing? Godzilla, yeah. I found a fat Asian guy to play you. That's right. A Chinese knockoff. Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Pardon my take. Yes. He was also flamboyantly gay. Yes. That's not an also. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that's not an also.
Starting point is 01:02:23 But he was fat. You said also. No, I. No, that's not it. Also. But he was fat. You said also. Also. No, I didn't mean similar to Big Cat. Was he playing with a crab? No, you had a crab. Yeah. Larry.
Starting point is 01:02:33 Yeah. That's right. A crab. That rule. Pick all the teams. Chinese people pumping gas. I got another good one. Okay, this is going to be good.
Starting point is 01:02:42 No, stick with the Chinese. I've never seen a Chinese delivery driver without a beat-up car. Ooh. Well, I think that's most beat-ups. I think that's most of those delivery drivers. They're driving food around. Your guy delivering your food is probably not driving a Mercedes. Not lucrative. In general.
Starting point is 01:03:03 But I'm saying significant, dense, scratches, bumper falling off. Just all sorts of I'm done. Yeah, I'm done. That's all I got. I'm not even sure why that one had to be Chinese.
Starting point is 01:03:22 That could have just been any delivery. I mean, I used to order a lot of Chinese back home. Were there ever fat crackheads? Probably right when they start. You know what, Dan? No. Yeah. Not really.
Starting point is 01:03:36 Were you skinny? What about fat Chinese crackheads? Yeah, I was skinny. Fat Chinese crackheads. I think a lot of drug addicts are, not all, but like a lot of them are skinny. Well, yeah, I think crack doesn't crack suppress your appetite. Suppress your appetite, yes. I got one.
Starting point is 01:03:51 I've never met a bald gay guy. Have you guys ever met a bald gay guy? Oh, your uncle. I feel like there's a lot of gay bald uncles. DJ Ralph. Oh, God. John Travolta. What's his name?
Starting point is 01:04:01 DJ Ralph. DJ Ralph? This guy is, I'll tell you what, DJ Ralph, man. He's a DJ. No. Yeah. Okay. I think we're following.
Starting point is 01:04:12 He's a DJ, but he's just known to everybody as DJ Ralph. And he does everybody's events in the small part of New Jersey, the county where we're from. Gayest guy I've ever seen. And he's your uncle. And he's my uncle. But actual uncle? Not actual, but he's like my uncle. He's been with the family for a long time.
Starting point is 01:04:37 But yeah, bald, gay, just super flamboyant. A DJ. Great guy though, funny as ever. That's him? No. I wish I could get a picture from him. Let me see his Facebook. That's not him? There's another bald Ralph.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Yeah, I guess. Another bald DJ Ralph. I guess. From New Jersey? I guess so. Damn. And his husband's a fireman. Oh, man. That's like the gay lottery. Seriously. Yeah. Type in DJ Ralph Belleville, New Jersey
Starting point is 01:05:08 Does he have an Instagram? He must, right? Go to all If he wants to get some business First one I think Ralph Tunis? Yeah Is that him?
Starting point is 01:05:24 DJ Ralph DJ Ralph. Handsome. DJ Ralph getting some screen time. I love it. I got to tell him. Wait, does he have an Instagram that we can watch him DJing? Yeah. I mean, type in that.
Starting point is 01:05:35 No, Jerry, you promised he's gay. You're not just fucking with him? No, he's gay. 100%. Works at DJ Ralph. Works at DJ Ralph. Oh. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:41 I love that. Yeah. Husband's a fireman. Great guy. Yeah. Is that the gay lottery? Yeah. You're a fireman? Oh, okay. I love that. Yeah. Husband's a fireman. Great guy. Yeah, is that the gay lottery? Gay fireman? Oh, yeah. Fireman and DJ.
Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah, the fireman's like I hit it as well. I have the DJ. Yeah. DJ Ralph. I got a zesty one. I think fireman for men and women is like something about it. What's your zesty one? The zesty one is the dj oh i thought you
Starting point is 01:06:07 had one the next uh conversation no i don't have any bald gay guys in my life yeah i'd like to add one yeah yeah mr clean i feel like he gives. Women want to fuck him. Yes. Classic Che, once again, I got to say, asking just an absolutely insane question that's very, very stupid. And we all laugh at how stupid it is and then spend 20 minutes talking about it. Yeah. He gets it going. If you could double your salary but never use a condiment or a sauce again anymore, would you do it? Yes, I would. I would immediately.
Starting point is 01:06:42 Yes. Yes. But you can't use any condiments? Nope. No salt. No pepper. Salt's not a condiment. Salt's not a condiment. That's wrong. Fuck. Alright. It was supposed to be about salt.
Starting point is 01:06:55 I want to say salt. Because that's a different question. I would never... Humans need salt. Giving up salt would be the worst thing ever. Your body would shut down, right? Yeah. You've got to have alternatives. Salt is a no-go, but I will give up ketchup, ranch, salad dressing.
Starting point is 01:07:11 I'll give up all that. Yeah. You'd give up every condiment? Buffalo sauce. For $2 million a year? Yeah. Oh, shit. Nice.
Starting point is 01:07:18 Sauces are my favorite food, though, I think. I think I like sauces more than I like food. Yeah, sauces are the best A good sauce can take a shitty food And make it incredible Give me honey mustard I'll eat anything Yep Like no hot sauce
Starting point is 01:07:35 What are you thinking over there It's happening again Like all these questions we all agree You sit down and you're like these are the dumbest fucking questions ever And yet Even when you point out how stupid they are, you're like, hey, everyone watching at home, listen to how stupid this is. You could double your salary. You're like, Jay, you fucking idiot. And then someone's always like, well, I think it's a good debate.
Starting point is 01:07:57 He's a genius for that. Every single time. Every time I look at the sheet, I'm just like, who the fuck is it? And then we just start it. Every single time. It keeps going. Brandon,'m just like, who the fuck is it? And then we just start it, and it just keeps going. Brandon, you want to do the Morgan & Morgan read? We already know that Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. And we know that Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record of fighting for the people
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Starting point is 01:09:59 This is amateur hour, Stephen Che. You hear me? It was four meters, yes. Okay. You hear me? He's pissed. It's okay. I forgive you. Che, you look cute today. Thank you. Got a date?
Starting point is 01:10:17 Yeah. With my wife. Oh, going on date night tonight. Yeah. Nice. Got to call an audible, though. We were going to an axe throwing place. Turns out it's closed Monday through Wednesday.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Dowser, you're going to go to a date? You got to check out. If I'm being honest, I wasn't stoked about it. It seems way too dangerous. But, yeah. You're not throwing the axes at each other. Yeah, it's not dangerous at all. It's not dangerous.
Starting point is 01:10:41 I'm sure this company has posted videos of people getting the axe right back at them. All right, let's find a video. Yeah, if you throw it. I'd like to see a video. They encourage you to drink while throwing it. I think that actually happened to me during the Feed Willie cooking competition that we did. We had to throw axes to see who got the best ingredients. And the axe ricocheted off the wall and went flying
Starting point is 01:11:06 at Casey Smith. I'm just horrible at throwing axes though. Is this what I'm actually going to get? It's just normal. It's not as much fun as it looks. Well that's a mild inconvenience at worst.
Starting point is 01:11:23 I want to see someone get fucking smashed by the axe coming back. Oh! Okay, that one was real. Oh, that guy won. Well, actually. That was a bald gay guy. Oh! That was close.
Starting point is 01:11:38 Well, that almost hit his foot. I mean, that was pretty sick, though. I want to see someone get hurt This is intense That's very close it looks like Oh no See I don't think this is dangerous I think it's impossible to hurt yourself doing this
Starting point is 01:12:00 Oh that was bad That was bad Oh my god that was so stupid fuck oh well that one that she throws it at the floor she kind of took that whoa that's weird that was like a weird that was staged no this guy is an ax oh look he's got a fox tail on himself. I want to see someone get just smoked. Like, head split open like that? Yeah, like, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:37 I actually almost axed my calf off at this company. Wait, what? When we were moving from HQ2 to our current New York office, we went upstairs the last day day everyone was breaking the desks with an axe. So I went up there to go take a swing. I didn't realize they were not real wood desks. So I went
Starting point is 01:12:55 through the desk. It was like some type of pizza box furniture. And I went through, didn't stop in the wood, and I almost took my leg off. It was on stool seats. Damn.
Starting point is 01:13:08 Almost just cut his leg. What could have been? Right off. The closest he came to dying. We did that a couple of weeks ago on the act, but I want to hear yours because we all said ours. We're a crackhead. Yeah, I mean, probably overdose.
Starting point is 01:13:21 Yeah. I mean, if I had to guess. Yeah. You know what? The flight, too. One of the flights I was on was very scary to Georgia. I think going to Georgia was scary. But, I mean, they say, like, turbulence can't, you know, the plane won't crash from turbulence.
Starting point is 01:13:38 Right. And they also, you think they invented turbulence during COVID? I think turbulence has gotten significantly worse. Well, I think it's a fact that it has. After COVID, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's climate change, right, Zah? You said? It's been bad. This is now conflicting
Starting point is 01:13:55 theories. Ideologies here, yeah. Because you don't... One's going right, I would assume you don't think climate change is real. I mean, I would say no. And then, but you don't... One's going right, one's going left. I would assume you don't think climate change is real. I mean, I would say no. And then, but you don't like turbulence. No. Turbulence might be getting worse because of climate change.
Starting point is 01:14:12 What if he blames it on COVID? Or they're just telling you that. Okay. That's the easy way out of it. You know, they tell you a lot of things, no? Like what? Well. They said if you would get the vaccine, you wouldn't get COVID again.
Starting point is 01:14:27 Right. And you get COVID again. Yep. So that's, they lied. Yep. I'm going to stop there. Well, I mean, that's. Nah, I'm going to stop there.
Starting point is 01:14:35 Nah. It gets dark fast. Who's the leader in COVID? I've had it three times. I had zero. I've had it four. Really? Still zero.
Starting point is 01:14:43 You motherfucker. Four. Twice. My dad's had it for the last Still zero. You motherfucker. Four. Twice. My dad's had it for the last 40 days. He's still positive. Holy shit. Yeah. Well, they said there was like a new strand, right, that could last longer.
Starting point is 01:14:55 There's always strands. That's what they say. I don't know. Well, you believe them on that? I'm just saying, Don and I said 40 days, but I was reading that there's stuff out there that lasts a long time now. What? Like COVID doesn't last a couple days, a week anymore.
Starting point is 01:15:10 There's certain things that you can get that last for a long time. Yeah. Long COVID. COVID's, I mean, we're done with that. Yeah. We're done. They're not done. That's the problem.
Starting point is 01:15:25 They're not done. I'm the problem. They're not done. I'm afraid to watch this. Yeah, I'm excited for this. Oh. Oh, shit, dude. You did almost cut your leg off. Jeez. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:15:39 Oh. Yeah, near-death experience right there. Never seen a Chinese lumberjack. Those competitions are awesome. A lumberjack, wood chipper people. Oh, I saw. I'm going to alpha you there. Jerry, I agree with you that they're going to try to get COVID back. Of course. We're not going to let them know.
Starting point is 01:16:11 They already started. I'm not fucking with that. Yeah, we got to stand together and we just got to say no. I'm with you. Yeah, I mean, I'll say no to everything. No, no, no. Look how easy that is. Zoom in on jerry real quick
Starting point is 01:16:26 jerry say yeah when they tell when they tell us that covet is back say no nope not back nope no jerry covet's back no jerry uh jerry you have to put this mask on please nope yes that mask thing was crazy it was it really was didn't do a goddamn thing it was i was down with it for the first i i three months i was i'll be honest i was i was legitimately scared for like the first two weeks i was fucking scared yeah then it was like this shit i wasn't scared remember when we just wear anything as a mask i just yeah I had this fucking gator thing that would just roll up. Didn't nothing. I will say someone with a little bit of low self-esteem, it was kind of freeing sometimes.
Starting point is 01:17:12 Yeah. Get ready for work and just hide my whole face. Like, all right. Yeah. I feel that. Yeah. Maybe they think my eyes look mysterious. I don't have to worry about the rest.
Starting point is 01:17:22 Something nice about it. Nope. Not doing it. Actually, did you get pregnant during COVID. Something nice about it. Nope. Not doing it. Did you get pregnant during COVID the first time? Yep. Nope. Also, it did work for you. It did. Yep. We both had masks on and hats and we could only see each other's eyes.
Starting point is 01:17:36 He had me in a burlap sack for some reason. Jerry, I do think that the Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift thing, it's a little weird that he's on every commercial now. Yeah, Pfizer. Yeah, Pfizer. It's crazy.
Starting point is 01:17:48 I actually think yesterday on the rundown I said that I'm willing to join Aaron Rodgers and RFK on that debate if they would need any help. Oh, that would be incredible if you did. No, yeah, it's just like at the end of the day, NFL is entertainment, right? They need the numbers. They need the viewers. Taylor Swift, perfect for it. I think the relationship is fake. I cannot
Starting point is 01:18:08 figure it out. I mean, I don't see a world where it's real. Well, there is a world that is real, but I've already asked that. You can't confirm. Yeah, right. There is a world where I would say it's real. Have you seen a makeout? A kiss?
Starting point is 01:18:24 What would it be? What's a make out? A kiss? Yeah. Be careful, Brandon. What would it be? Did you also see? What's after a kiss? A hug? What would they have to do for you to believe that's the true relationship? Some thoughts. Some starters. He is to demand it.
Starting point is 01:18:40 Yeah, but I want to take my kids to a corner. Use the word demand. Did you see that video where the other day it came out? Kelsey shoved his bodyguard to the side to open up the door for her. When's the last time you opened the door for your wife, Brandon? Last time we went out to dinner. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:01 Wow. Pretty much every time we go anywhere. Seriously? Yeah. I don't think I've we go anywhere? Seriously? Yeah. I don't think I've ever opened a door. Jerry. Come on, Jerry. Jerry, that's.
Starting point is 01:19:12 I thought guys were like men. You don't do that. I thought you were like a. That's like simpade. That's not simp. She's not asking you to go to the store and buy a can of wine. Bro, you're simp. Hold on. Hold on.
Starting point is 01:19:22 Two different doors here. Two different doors. Which door are we talking about? Are we talking about going to the restaurant or are we talking about getting in the car? The car. The restaurant, of course. I open the car door for her every time we go somewhere. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 01:19:33 Like going in the restaurant, I always open the door. Car? Yeah. That is simp. That's not simp. That's simp shit. That's simp shit. I've been married 17 years.
Starting point is 01:19:41 I don't simp. My money's where my mouth is. I don't know. I mean money's where my mouth is. I don't know. I mean, JJ's a top G. You need to open that goddamn car door for your girlfriend. You go around to open the car door? Yeah, like you go around. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 01:19:56 If Pat did that for me, I'd be like, what are you doing? I can open the car door. The car door is different. I thought you were talking about Jared. No, no. We're getting in. We're getting in. Getting out. Jerry, I got a question for you. Getting out is fine. Getting in, I thought you were talking about Jerry. No, no. Now we're getting in. Now we're getting in. I was like. Getting out.
Starting point is 01:20:05 Jerry, I got a question for you. Getting out is fine. Getting in, I think you open it every time. No. Jerry, I got a question for you. So you and your girlfriend, you have obviously your son. Yeah. Are you never going to propose because that would be simp behavior?
Starting point is 01:20:21 Getting down on one knee? You know. Kind of giving it up to her? She wants to get married but you're but nope tate says you shouldn't marrying a woman is one of the gayest things you can yeah you can't you can't do that i've never been mad at andrew tate but I was really upset when I donated $100 and you were supposed to get a t-shirt.
Starting point is 01:20:48 I got the t-shirt. What was the $100 for? Well, because you got the t-shirt. Okay. But the t-shirt was horrible quality. What does the $100 do for him? Was it for his defense fund or something? I think, yeah, something like that.
Starting point is 01:21:02 Defeat the Matrix. Yeah, like some Matrix thing. What did the t-shirt say? I was so excited. something like that. Defeat the Matrix. Yeah, like some Matrix thing, but like, I was so excited. It's free top G on the back. Okay. But the t-shirt was horrible. Was it like a v-neck or was it just...
Starting point is 01:21:11 No, it was just like a regular, like, shirt. Yeah, crew, but like the quality was so bad. Like the shirt was like
Starting point is 01:21:20 see-through almost. Oh, just really thin. That's how bad it was. It's like, fuck. Free top G on the back. I think I, let me see if I got the order in. Jerry, just really thin. That's how bad it was. It's like, fuck. Three top G on the back. Let me see if I got the order in here. Jerry, it's like our parents had Vietnam. Jerry had Andrew Tate going to jail.
Starting point is 01:21:33 It's like, yeah, I'm a freedom fighter. Tate was right. You bought one of these shirts. Wait, which one did you get, Jerry? No, it's a black shirt that says it on the back. Are you in his Discord, Jerry? No, I never went that far that says it on the back. Are you in his Discord, Jerry? No, I never went that far. Okay.
Starting point is 01:21:47 Yeah, come on. That would be simp behavior. That would be simp behavior, yes. Jerry's actually the toppest of Gs. Yeah. Doom, doom, doom. All right, you want to spin the wheel, TJ? We got a wheel.
Starting point is 01:22:06 I had to walk out of the fish show on Friday. Oh, yeah, what happened? You took too many drugs? Well, I took a couple party favors because just thinking it would enhance the music because I'm not like, I hadn't listened to their music before. Okay. And, yeah, I kind kind of so i guess just i'm used to going to concerts
Starting point is 01:22:29 outside where you can walk around and i was just in that seat in the united center i could only move like a foot to the left a foot to the right and um yeah i kind of felt the walls were closing on me needed some fresh air and i mean i kept on waiting and i guess i'm just not a jam band guy you should have gone where the dancers go in the hallway those are the people who are just like on a shitload of drugs they need that space i should have done that i heard a couple nights later some guy they said he gouged his eyes out but i guess he just like ran into a wall and was bleeding everywhere what he left too well have you seen this the newphere in Vegas? The videos from the U2 concert?
Starting point is 01:23:06 And who's the guy in the meth show? Jesse? Wait. Oh, Aaron Paul. Aaron Paul just went to see. And he posted a video where it looks like you're about to get swat. And you hear the people around him going like, holy fuck. And the seats there are so steep.
Starting point is 01:23:25 I think people are going to die in there. Yeah, I want to go to the so bad. That looks awesome, though. This looks insane. Yeah, it looks so cool. Yeah, but I think people, like, that's the part right there where it started to overtake people, and you could hear the people around him like,
Starting point is 01:23:41 like, holy shit. But I feel like people are going to lose their absolute shit in there. But I also would like to go. The food's incredible there as well. Really? At the Sphere? Oh.
Starting point is 01:23:52 Yep. How did you hear that? Dana White was talking about it. Oh. That he wanted a UFC event there. It's just the ambiance, the food is great, everything's great. How was the smell, Donnie? I feel very bad saying this. Oh uh don't i i brought it up
Starting point is 01:24:06 because i well yeah this had nothing to do with why i left at all but i did notice like one of the uglier fan bases i think yeah yeah um but all very nice people yeah how quickly did you leave i i feel really bad because there's i'm sure there's a lot of big fish fans watching this i'm willing to try again and go to another show. It was not the band's fault. But, yeah, I think I lasted three songs. Oh, my God. You were out fast.
Starting point is 01:24:31 So you're like two and a half hours then. Yeah, they're very long songs. Yeah, you need to go to an outdoor show. You got to go outdoor. You also can't, like, fight it. I think, like like once you start acknowledging stuff around you yeah it's a losing battle once you're like your eyes and listen yeah yeah once you're like damn these people kind of stink or yeah i feel bad because i saw all
Starting point is 01:24:54 these people posting like i'd never been to a fish show but i went to the united center now i'm a fan for life oh yeah life-changing experience yeah well. Well, yeah. But, yeah, I'm willing to give it a go. Wow. That's fucking badass. Oh, back to the NFL narrative real quick. Did you see that Chargers fan last night? Yeah. You think that she was an industry plant?
Starting point is 01:25:15 People are calling for it. Stephanie Chey? They came out. Did you see Stu's tweet? No. No. Oh, God, no. That was a banger.
Starting point is 01:25:24 That was a banger. Bring it up. That was a banger. That was a banger. Bring it up. Stu had a banger of a tweet. Can we bring it up? Yeah. I don't think she was an interesting plant because I saw someone reported today that she's a season ticket holder. Yeah, her and her husband.
Starting point is 01:25:35 Yeah. Jack Mack was doing something like that. Stu, that's kind of like, why do people think she was a plant? Because they were like, oh, Asian girls can't be fans. No, it was more that they just kept on showing her. I asked the question. I was like, is there a significance I'm missing? Because I was just like, oh, Asian girls can't be fans. No, it was more than that. They just kept on showing her. I asked the question. I was like, is there a significance I'm missing? Because I was just like, why is this?
Starting point is 01:25:49 They don't usually go back to rainbow fans. Also, her actions look fake. Hold on, hold on. Not to be all Jersey Cherry here. Robert Kraft walks into Orchards of Asia. Not to indulge. Stu went for it. He went for it.
Starting point is 01:26:00 That tweet definitely did numbers. Oh. Yeah. Oh, a thousand retweets. That's great. Yeah, he went for it. That tweet definitely did numbers. Oh, yeah. Oh, a thousand retweets. That's great. Yeah, he went for it. God damn it. Not to steal Jerry's conspiracy corner here,
Starting point is 01:26:12 but them saying she's a seasoned ticket holder is enough for you to be like, oh, okay, in that case, she's not in it. Wouldn't that just be the obvious? What would be the plan, though? To try to – because every time the Chargers play any game, inevitably people talk about how there are no Chargers fans, especially home games, about how the Cowboys score a touchdown, the place goes crazy.
Starting point is 01:26:36 So what if the NFL is trying to sell the rest of the football viewing public on, no, no, no, no, we can't move the Chargers back to San Diego. There are diehard fans here in Los Angeles. Look at this lady. You want us to pluck her franchise out of her hands? Look how sad she would be. Huh. Huh. And if there's one town,
Starting point is 01:26:56 if there's one town, if there's one town, you could hire some actors. Jerry, have you ever seen an Asian Chargers fan fan that was the first one first one huh is ken jack asian no huh he's an asian girlfriend honorary asian you just thought of the only chargers thing you knew you're like squat but he's also he's the most asian white guy that i know of all time yeah true anime oh yeah jerry just grabbed square peg round hole he's the most Asian white guy that I know. Of all time, yeah. True. Anime.
Starting point is 01:27:26 Oh, yeah. Jerry just grabbed square peg round hole. He's like, wait. Hold on a second. All right. Good yak, everyone. I think tomorrow Bosco and Tommy will be here. I think the boys will be here on Thursday. Will and Taylor are going to be around.
Starting point is 01:27:43 Coming in. We doing Thursday night football? Yeah, Thursday Night Football. We're doing it? Yeah, and we also have Game 4 of the Phillies series. So we'll have Max on stream for that. I don't want to look ahead, but I'm looking forward to
Starting point is 01:27:58 Sunday, Max and Nicky Smokes, because something's going to happen. I don't know what's going to happen, but something will happen. The Sunday night, right? It's the Sunday night game? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, I already told my S.M. not coming home all day Sunday and night
Starting point is 01:28:11 because I saved up for that. Yeah, we're going to have to figure out a way to – we might have to miss the first quarter and do some of PMT and then watch the whole rest of the game on the stream. Are you a Nicky Smokes guy or no? Yeah, I mean, I don't see anything really wrong with him. I think he's cool. Nice guy. Really nice. Respectful.
Starting point is 01:28:29 To me, at least. Are you going to help him stay out of rehab? Is he on the verge of going? It's a slippery slope. It is. Very slippery. Alright. We'll see slippery slope. It is. Very slippery. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 01:28:45 We'll see you everyone tomorrow. Good yak. Everyone, please like the video. Subscribe. Thank you very much. It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop And do a Yankee swap It's the act
Starting point is 01:29:12 It's the act See you tomorrow. Bye.

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