The Yak - KB Declares War Against Chris DiStefano | 3-31-22
Episode Date: March 31, 2022KB Vs ComedyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Hello.
It's the Yak.
We got ourselves in an entanglement, boys.
Goodness gracious.
Goodness gracious.
Put on Prince does it again.
My word.
Put on Prince does it again.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Got Chrissy D hooked up with Pat McAfee.
I did it.
The latest that I heard.
Yeah, good on him.
That was such a non-joke that it, that's what I was saying.
I don't know, dude.
Kind of took a shot.
That was weird.
Yeah, I mean, here's what I think.
I think we started off, we have people come in here all the time and it's.
It is daunting because it's like a six, seven on one.
Right.
It's like sensory overload.
And then like, of course, like people, if we pulled somebody in from the office and we're like,
all right, funny person.
Right.
They would get it.
That was a joke.
Right.
Oh, you think I set the tone when I was like, hey, tell a joke?
No, I think I did.
Or maybe even TJ did when he put funny man on the screen under his mask.
Why are you guys talking seriously about this?
This is gayer than out and about.
There's a lot of other things gayer than out and about. There's a lot of other things gayer than out and about. I think it's a perfect story because Chris
got in contact with Pat McAfee
so the put on prince has done it again.
This is nothing but wins all around.
That is true. It is all wins.
Look at that. Bam!
Put on prince. Let's go to the first response.
Oh.
Oh, wait. Okay, you're welcome.
Oh, no. I thought it was like the N-word.
Oh, here they come.
Yeah.
You did it.
God, I am a god.
I have a common mouth.
You literally spoke it into existence.
I always thought I was a loser, but now I think I am a god.
Yeah, no, you are a god.
You think I run this show now.
Because now he has to go to Indy and make in a night what you make in a year.
Right.
Right. Look. Right.
Look at that.
Remember the ones who paved the way for this opportunity.
Bam.
Put on Prince.
But he did throw us all under the bus, besides you.
Yeah, I didn't like that because it's not just my show.
Roan is here, too.
Exactly.
That's the shocking part.
That was the part that bothered me.
If he was like, it's Big Cat and Rone, we would have lost the argument.
But he neglected Rone.
Oh, no.
Look at the prince.
Look at the prince.
The Pepsi prince.
Go down.
He's doing it.
He's doing it again.
Oh, no.
That was, yeah. that was very funny.
The other funny, like, sidebar of it was that he was like, KB looks like a failed actor.
And KB is by far, like, when we're like, hey, let's go do a physical competition, we're like, here, take KB first.
He's our guy.
He's the one who's in front.
Main shape, dude.
Yeah, he's the one who's actually, like, goes to the gym.
I have chops too
you have chops
the whole thing was very funny though
it wasn't a diss to either Pat or him
they're both very successful
in their field I thought yeah
that would make sense
but I just welcome us getting
flamed by anybody
if anybody wants to rip our asses
apart
we deserve it it's fine to come in here and make fun of Kyle getting flamed by anybody. If anybody wants to fucking rip our asses apart, please rip our asses apart.
We're bad people.
We deserve it.
It's fine to come in here and make fun of Kyle.
We have to draw the line at me.
Yeah.
You're un-make-fun-of-able.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Him calling you Portland was spot on.
Yeah, that is spot on.
You are the...
No, that is perfect.
Okay?
What?
What?
Some news just broke.
Oh, no.
Bruce Arians is being inducted to the Bucks Ring of Honor.
That's okay.
I thought it was something.
It's a ridiculous thing to interrupt the show for.
That was news we needed.
It just broke.
We needed that news.
You're right.
Sorry.
You're right.
Go ahead.
No.
I think that's it.
I think that's the show.
You know what I find funny last night, don't you?
I would call it.
I'd call it. I think that's the show. You know what I find funny last night, don't you? I would call it. I'd call it.
It's so perfect.
You know what I find funny last night is after Bruce Arians retired,
what was trending on Twitter wasn't Bruce Arians retires.
It was Brady to Miami.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Steven's very much in his – listen, Steven is wrong on everything,
but that's okay.
Like I said last night, you're my idiot.
You're an idiot, but you're my idiot.
I love you.
At least he's better than Stephen No Good Sick.
Wait, what?
No Good Sick.
Well, Stephen, I was going after him when I said that Stephen is No Good Sick.
There we go.
We were six minutes in.
We got a Bucks and a Mets reference.
We're firing now.
Go to Met.
Stephen, how was the tummy ache?
Oh, bad.
Yeah?
So I had no breakfast.
I had hibachi for lunch.
Okay.
I had movie popcorn for dinner, essentially.
Yeah.
Pussy.
And then ice cream cake. You're forgetting one thing you ate. You ate some pussy for dinner. And I had ice popcorn for dinner essentially Pussy For getting one thing you ate
You ate some pussy for dinner
And I had ice cream cake for dinner
That makes me so uncomfortable
When I think of Steven as a sexual being
Do you take your glasses off?
Have to
He puts on goggles
Night vision goggles.
He has a snorkel.
Yeah, so we welcome Chris DiStefano back on the show anytime he wants.
Yeah, and I think we just make fun of everybody.
Open invite.
And you make fun of us back, and I don't want anybody like...
Why do you keep using your serious voice, Nick?
You keep on using your serious voice.
Why are you trying to turn this into a joke?
He just disparaged me as a human.
That's what we all do every day.
No one defended me.
Wait, no one.
He was on a show with my coworkers.
Yes, we did.
What'd you do?
You responded laughing emoji to the KFC radio clip.
I said, I'm going to fucking lose.
And Sean Latham's mad at me, too?
Yeah, I might have entangled that one
what the fuck
I like Sean you know I liked him when he was here
and he's I might have
entangled that one because I did tell him on the side
that Brandon does want to do stand up
he does
that's my fault
that might be my fault
and up
asking sass for tips
we should just direct all the comedy world to just be angry at Brandon.
That's what we should do.
He's the perfect person.
He owes us stand up anyway.
Yeah, he does.
Why do stand up guys, everything's like a fame and popularity thing?
I don't think that's what it was.
Because I'm not as popular as you, I have to bow down to these people when they come in?
Yes. Good luck on your, You're a very famous comedian.
Good luck. You're better than
Pat McAfee.
What we need to do is have Brandon
do a stand-up in front of Will Smith.
Yeah, that would be good.
Wait, is the put-on Prince pressed?
I don't get the reference.
Is the put-on Prince pressed?
Yes, I'm always pressed.
I'm not trying to...
Yes. Fucking pressed. I'm not trying to knock. Yes.
Fucking press. I don't have
where's my soldiers? He did say like
start an army then.
Should we have had your back?
We need this.
Sit down.
Where's my soldiers? Not here.
We're there.
Kevin, the only rule on
the only rule on Thursdays is please don't mention anything about the METS.
We're going to unravel.
Are you sore from like a belly laughing at our expense?
You were cackling.
That was not merely a snicker.
That was a full-blown cackling.
I heard you guys are upset.
That's the word around town.
Hold on.
I want it on the record.
I am definitely not because he complimented me.
You're in the club.
And I said the only problem was when he said it's just Big Cat and those other guys.
He's like, well, Roan is on the show too.
It would have been nice if he mentioned Roan.
Roan and the other guys.
Yeah, Roan, Big Cat, and the other guys.
I know I heard the homies are pressed.
He's the one who went up.
The words of a pressed man.
I think we came in a little too hot when he walked in.
And Nick keeps on using his serious words.
Nick can't stop using his serious words.
I thought the whole thing was funny.
He told me that he was like, no, Chris was the aggressor.
So I didn't actually see it.
All I know is that you guys got fucking flamed.
The problem was we did the, it was probably my fault.
I said, hey, Chris, because I obviously know Chris
through you, and I was
like, hey, tell us a joke. And I think that's
like the worst thing to do
to a comedian. But I was busting his balls because
I know him. And I was the one that made eye
contact with him with my spectacle ass. It's a very funny stand-up comedian
Chris DeSevero. Can you tell us a joke?
Tell us a joke, bro. what you got, funny man.
Yeah, tell us a joke, bro.
Oh, no.
Oh, do you want to play slap wheel?
He doesn't know any of you guys or any of this.
He hasn't got a word in.
No, dude.
Not at all.
But I want to do that, and I'll come again.
No thanks.
And then TJ added that. TJ did that.
What are you guys talking about?
We're about to do some lines off this gold plaque right here.
Yeah, we got a million subscribers. We're about to do some lines off this gold plaque right here. Yeah, we got a million subscribers.
We're about to turn off the cameras and do some fucking...
We actually want to destroy it if you're strong enough.
Punch good?
No.
Punch down.
You guys are such morons.
He said he punches down, and that was a good joke.
He gave us a little...
Look at you guys, man.
I like it.
Yeah.
He didn't like it, though.
He didn't like it.
Oh, he tried to be nice, and then you came in with, oh, that's what he said.
Hey, let's see what I came in with.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which one?
You know what I mean?
Maynard.
The guy that, like, defended Will Smith.
Like, you're like one of those idiots.
I'm like, oh, he's joking.
So I guess he started it.
Somebody talked about that about you.
You said you body, like, blimps.
Go back just a little bit.
Go back just a little bit.
No way.
The guy that, like, defended Will.
I think it's right when he looked up and he saw that we had put the funny guy tag on him.
Yeah, that's right.
Right there.
He sees it and then he's like, all right, fuck you guys.
You look like Portland is a great line.
I love that.
And then, I mean, I know Chris doesn't care about it.
I don't know about the other comedian who might have been mentioned.
I guess he's, I think there's something.
He didn't care about it when he was on your podcast
talking about it.
Yeah.
25 minutes. He didn't give a shit.
He wasn't rattled.
Honestly, as soon as he left the studio, he forgot about it.
But then the three-second walk,
he was reminded again somehow.
I think you guys are extremely impressed.
You reminded Rudy to follow him.
I thought you weren't. Now I'm seeing that you weren't again.
Rudy caught in the wake.
That was good, too.
What happened to Rudy?
Oh, yeah.
Sex slave.
Sex slave.
Yeah, Chris is welcome on the show.
I think we should probably have him on to hash it out with us.
The slap wheel, for real.
The Yak fans are very upset.
It's a turf war.
Yeah.
The Yak fans are going hard,
I believe,
on TikTok.
It's good engagement
for you guys.
On TikTok, yeah.
So I should thank you then, KB.
You're welcome.
I can come on your show
if you ever want me.
They can too.
I've been.
Well, we'll see.
Yeah, he's been on.
He's been very funny.
Arguably the funniest
guest.
You actually are pissed at me. You actually are pissed at me. Yes. Yes. Calm the funniest guest. You actually are pissed as fuck.
Yes, yes.
Calm the fuck down.
You make us all look bad when you get pissed like this.
I'm mentally ill.
You need to take a break, then.
You need a mental break.
Yes, you do.
I love being ill.
No, you need a break.
Nick got to go away for a little bit.
This is my favorite state.
You're smoldering.
This mood makes me want to do my job more.
Not the inverse.
Clancy, you're free now.
Tell us what you're doing, buddy.
Are you going to go
see Chris? He can get you tickets.
I think he's very funny.
When I asked him if he was opening for Pat McAfee,
I didn't know that was going to upset anyone.
Well, I heard $20 Chef is doing it publicly.
Is that true?
I don't know.
Did I mention?
Yeah, someone.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I jokingly.
Yeah, I was just the only two indie comics I knew.
I said, are you going to open for them?
I also entangled that because I told Sean that Brandon wants to do stand-up,
which Brandon doesn't, but I want him to.
I want everyone to be like, Brandon, you got to do stand-up. You doesn't but I want him to I want everyone to be like Brandon
You got to do stand-up. You also said that Tom McComas is a dirty cop. You were also saying that
Said he's raunchy is
His crowd working that internal affairs was looking into it
No, you have a shirt that says a cab and then parentheses, especially top Is Stan... Is crowd working and that internal affairs was looking into it? Yeah, no.
You have a shirt
that says ACAB
and then parentheses
especially Tom McCose.
Oh, fuck.
I don't want to get in his web.
You can come on the show
as soon as you're not pressed.
Okay?
That's fair.
That's fair.
A couple weeks
when you're not pressed.
Fair enough.
Tell Chris thank you
for the kind words for me.
I really like...
It was nice to you.
Yeah, I watched that clip
like two or three times.
He knows what's up. Oh, my God. He knows there'd be no plaque. I really like it. It was nice to you. Yeah, I watched that clip like two or three times. He knows what's up.
Oh, my God.
He knows there'd be no plaque.
I'm sorry I didn't come to your defense, KB.
I don't care.
You flew off the handle too many times about McComas.
I thought it was all jokes.
Me too.
Yeah.
I also think that you guys make the show, not me.
Wrong.
Wrong.
I just said that as a nice thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I agreed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agreed.
Yeah, I agreed too. It's just like, yeah,
of course we're riding your coattails.
You're not.
Yeah, that's... Why was that a point?
Why was that a rebuttal?
Because of that, I'm not allowed to talk?
That's like a standard joke, though.
It's like an easy joke to make.
That's how he knows you, so he says that's all
you have. It's like an easy joke to make like it's like that's how he knows you so he says that's all you have yeah it's like a easy stop making people like the old what happened to you
roan the old one would have 16 bars ready to go this is good for the yak a good old-fashioned
beef oh roan oh roan you responded with four laughing emojis three three three okay that's
not an act of war then but four would have been you responded with the the purple demon and the fucking red
angry face i know you were i knew you were pissed yeah i was pissed oh man that was all in good fun
i thought he also came on the nfl draft show last year we're trying to get him back this year
analysis so the fucking giants pick nice you broke that i think we need to get him on the
act how do we book him on the act. Let's try to do that.
Do we adjust how we approach guests
when they walk in or are we staying?
No, I think we let it fly. This is all good.
Every comedian who's came in,
Ari Shafir, we roasted him
needlessly for like 10 minutes.
Right along, he came in and we roasted him
for 10 minutes.
He was on it for an hour.
I wasn't here for that one,
but did you guys roast him?
I said something.
What'd you say?
Oh yeah,
you had a good one.
He was like,
yeah,
I'm here for
Friday Night Pints.
It wasn't taped.
It was taped on a Wednesday.
It was pre-taped.
I was like,
don't you have an aversion
to being on live shows?
And that was like
an SNL joke.
See,
see,
everybody,
every comedian that comes in,
we just get in their ass.
That's how you run.
They're allowed to get in our ass.
No, we should keep doing it, and they should do it back to us.
Get back in our ass.
They did do it back.
They did do it back.
Yeah, it's nice.
Yeah.
Should invite every comedian to come and roast us.
At the end of the day, what is this show?
The show is a bunch of assholes.
If we butter them up just a smidge before the roast, they could come back more roasted.
And a little butter first.
Yeah, we're with butter.
We are dickheads.
We need humbled?
No, I think we're dickheads, and we just got to embrace the fact that that's what we are.
So when someone responds in, it's like you receive the energy you put out in the world.
Like, for instance, your app yesterday that went south fast, we put out dickhead energy, so we get it back.
I know, yeah, we deserve it.
We should give people gift baskets as they leave, like Derek Jeter of fucking girls and disposing of them.
I think that he's a dickhead in that way, but he made up for it with some jams and fucking dried fruit or whatever.
We should give people, you know what we should do?
We should give them a bag of cash that's fake cash, but it has the ink bomb in it.
That would be funny.
That'll get people off our sense of being kids.
Like, hey, here's $20,000 cash.
And they walk down the street and the fucking thing just explodes on them.
That would be great.
Right, Frank?
Here's this jar of peanuts.
Yeah.
Go ahead, have one.
Hey, Ron, is that the Fredericton Flames hat?
It is Frank
How did you know?
Really cool
How did you know that?
I know minor league logos sometimes
What do you think of the ones that are getting too much though?
A little too out of the box
Eh, some of them are good
I particularly like the Carolina Disco Turkeys logo
I like how Sass is watching and reading the comments We're good. I particularly like the Carolina Disco Turkeys logo.
Cool name.
I like how Sass is watching and reading the comments of the show. And he's sending them to us.
Which is like the opposite of what you should do on a mental health break.
Let me read more of the internet.
He's a slave to comments.
He's policing the comments to make sure no one says anything mean about them.
You know, next week, one week from today, I'll be in Washington for the Mets season
opener.
Nice.
Oh, there we go.
KB, I do feel bad if you feel like I didn't have your back.
You are my boy.
You want me to fuck him up?
I will fuck him up.
Yes.
I will fuck Chris up.
You're not actually like upset with anything.
No, I didn't get upset until KFC accused me of being upset.
That's the worst because then you can't do anything. No, I am. No one tells you you're triggered of being upset. That's the worst because then you can't do anything.
Now that I am. Someone tells you you're triggered.
I am. Yeah, right. Oh yeah, there it is.
That's also infuriating when someone who's equally as mad
says, oh, you're mad. Right.
If there is a mad offer, he beat me.
That's all I'm saying. He was more mad. Correct.
What is the deal with the
Savannah Bananas?
The topic change?
Can I tell you the last thing about Chris?
If you want me to murder him, I will.
Here we go.
Talk about having your back.
You've never had him murder someone for you.
It wouldn't be like you're calling in too many favors.
I'll find him and I'll stab him.
You don't need to find him.
That's true.
Tanya Harding situation.
Whatever you want, I'm telling you right now.
Do you want that?
No. You can't. I'm telling you right now. Must is funny bone. You want that? No.
Okay.
Well, you can't say I didn't offer.
No.
I want to just get into the scene somehow.
How?
We should kidnap him.
Maybe via podcasting.
I don't know.
Chris is very funny.
He is.
That's the worst part about it.
Very, very funny.
I listen to his podcast.
Worst part about it.
Funny guy.
It's really good.
I actually really like him. And he's successful too. I've hung out with him. I listen to his podcast. Worst part about it. Funny guy. It's really good. I actually, like, really like him.
And he's successful, too, and good.
I've hung out with him.
I've, like, had a great time, yeah.
What I was trying to tell him yesterday was his 9-11 stand-up story.
I watch it with my family every time we go home.
It's, like, something we've learned over.
Every 9-11, yeah.
It's my fault for this fucking face of mine.
Yeah.
Is that the problem that he's cooler than everyone here
So it's like
Like we would rather have him
I mean that yeah
Didn't help the cause
Isn't it
He's also just from New York
So you know they bust balls
You know
And he was like ahead of the curve
On like
Joking about being bi
Yeah
That dude's bi
Later than
He's bi
Right
No
But like
Maybe Sass...
If Sass doesn't make it back in the next week,
that seat is Chris's.
Okay.
Fair?
Call him up.
Sass or Chris?
Chris.
Yeah, call him up.
Get his number.
From the minors or like to...
Call him up.
Call his actual phone.
See if you can get his number.
Chris's number?
Yeah, let's call him up.
On air right now?
Yeah.
Okay.
We're not going to be able to move on.
We should do the wheel, though, real quick.
You know, we know why Sass isn't here.
He's actually filming new episodes of Chad as we speak.
Episode of Chad.
Come on.
He looks like the...
Come on.
...failure character in the show.
Oh, shit.
I thought he was just a Chad, but yeah, he does look like the guy.
He does.
Oh.
That shit's crazy.
The Savannah Bananas, do they play real games that matter?
It's like independent baseball.
How do they get away with gluing those?
It's not affiliated with any MLB teams.
These guys aren't good baseball players?
They are.
They're like in between.
What do they try?
During the summer, they get a new lot of players from college,
players that don't get drafted or aren't draft eligible.
So a lot of college – it's like Cape Cod League.
Yeah.
And they play with their own rules.
It's like every inning is a point to whoever wins that inning.
If a fan catches a ball in the stands, it's an out.
They play like a bunch of goofy rules.
They've sold out every game for like the last six years.
They had Bill Lee come out in 2012.
Who's 75.
Eric Burns, my favorite non-Philly of all time, dude.
Oh, wow.
Eric Burns.
I fucking love Eric Burns.
Did you like his hustle or what?
He would lay out, dude.
He would lay out.
He would lay out like, it would be like a deep lay out.
He would go nuts.
Yeah, he would fucking full extension.
Eric Burns also, I like Eric burns as well because he um he like
does exactly what i would do if i were a professional athlete retired i've seen videos
of him playing like softball games where he's just hitting bombs yes like that would i don't
understand why more athletes once they retire don't just go and fuck regular dudes up yeah he's
just fun at baseball yeah also crazy Also, crazy story about him.
Someone tried to break into his house with a knife,
and he beat the shit out of them.
Oh, that's sick.
Like, almost killed a guy who tried to rob him.
He's a fucking real superhero.
Damn.
Eric Burns.
Damn.
I need the Eric Burns fucking jersey, dude.
The A's one.
Flapping open in the wind in the summertime.
You see my tummy?
You see my fucking tummy?
I'm on my bike.
We should go out to one of those games.
Instead of a Yankees game in the summer.
We would have to get invited.
There are no tickets available all season.
What?
I told you, they've sold out every game for the last five years straight.
There's no resale?
It would be hundreds and hundreds.
No chance.
We could probably have a better chance of the team inviting us to do, like, a yak day
at the stadium.
Exactly.
Because they've done it with, I think, our old baseball podcast did one.
I don't know if I would need to go.
I see the clips suffice.
They would let you play in the game, is what I'm saying.
That would be fun.
Like, they're very much about the promo aspect of it.
Might be a good way to prove to Chris that you're not a post.
They would probably give you an at-bat.
All right.
Yeah.
On your way back.
Infield single, I think.
You think so?
I think.
You would beat it out, yeah.
No, I would go through the hole.
Five, six hole.
Frank, you played first base.
Frank played first base when we went to Stu's house.
Yep.
A little catcher, too.
Why not?
Set it up.
Should we spin this wheel?
Spin the wheel.
Oh, boy.
Then let's get to Stefano on the line.
Maybe his rich ass could buy us tickets to the baseball game.
Come on.
Good as gold.
Easy. Here we gold. Easy.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
That was light work.
I agree.
Jay, how was your day?
It was awesome.
You well rested?
I stayed up pretty late last night.
Yeah?
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did. I stayed up pretty late last night. Yeah? Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did.
No, I bet on a late basketball game.
You also lost your coach, and you refused to admit that it might have had something to do with Tom Brady.
Fuck.
You do him betting late at night.
He had to get a second pick in.
And grinds. He hit his first pick.
He's on fire.
He's moving lines.
Smash the under.
I asked Westy legit. He said, I'm surprised they even let you bet. Wow. He's on fire. He's moving lines. Smash the under. I asked Westy.
Legit, he said, I'm surprised they even let you bet.
Wow, he's that sharp.
He's that sharp, folks.
Why is he surprised?
Because you use empirical information?
Player props are a market that people get.
If you hammer them like Stephen Che is.
So far, we've had over 1,000 people do that play.
Wow. Oh. It's working. Awesome. My man. Kevin Durant boards tonight over 7. Yeah. Like Stephen Shea is. So far, we've had over 1,000 people do that play. Wow.
Oh.
It's working.
My man.
Kevin Durant boards tonight over 7.5.
Get it.
What's the stats behind it?
Any math, or are you just guessing willy-nilly?
Who are they playing?
They're playing Milwaukee.
Okay.
In his last six games against the Bucs, he's had nine plus rebounds in each game,
and five of those games are with the Nets.
In the line 7.5, he's had eight or more boards
in three of his last four games.
Nice.
I feel pretty good about that.
Huge games.
I mean, he's going to come to play.
We know what you think about Robin Lopez's rebounding.
Brooke Lopez is not good, yeah.
Roan, what do I need to know about Villanova
if I have to become a Villanova fan on Monday night?
I have all my gear packed. Kansas, UNC, and Villanova if I have to become a Villanova fan on Monday night. I have all my gear
packed. Kansas,
UNC, and Villanova gear packed.
I mean the fact that...
Is it Villanova fun? Is that true? That's not true at all.
Okay, good. My boy who...
I visited there in college
and my boy had an alligator in his
bathtub. Does that sound like it's not fun?
That's a college move.
So it's a fun college move.
No, that's a desperation move from a Nova kid.
Like, let me make this party that's awful look like it was crazy.
This kid flew to Egypt during the Arab Spring.
Look at this.
Oh, he picked it up?
This is all my stuff.
I got all my shit ready to go.
Oh, that's a classic logo.
Oh, my God.
Shit.
Gotta bring that chaotic energy.
Taz.
Taz.
Yeah.
Also, Jay Wright is playing
For his tailor
Who died this year
He has to wear suits
He died like last year though
Last year after the basketball though
It was January
But that's fucking
He did
You guys
He already had his suits
For the season
He does
You're right
I think what he has to do
Roan
Cause I looked into it
Cause anytime I hear
A gambling
You know
Angle
I think he has to wear
He hasn't been wearing his suits.
So if you got to wear his suits for his tailor, not wearing suits is like what's been working, though.
Correct.
How much do you guys tip your tailors?
Just give the it's a flat.
It's included.
18 percent is included.
I don't have a tailor.
You're telling me it's included.
18 percent is included.
I don't have a tailor.
All right.
Unless you're going to a big box store like Joseph A. Bank or something like that,
you've got Mossimo in the back, then you should tip him out of pocket.
Yeah.
I know this.
I was just wondering.
What do you tip?
$20.
$20?
Per cent.
Wow.
What are you doing right now?
No, let him.
He's trying to get his groove back.
Let him go.
Let me work out the kinks.
You're pretending to be in the side of the room that has money. No, let him. He's trying to get his groove back. Let me work out the kinks.
Let him get his groove back. You're pretending to be in the side of the room that has money.
He's got to see the ball go through the hoop a couple times.
I was hoping you guys would play along.
Yeah.
Let him get it.
Frank?
You do have money.
So after Duke wins on Monday night,
and they have the Coach K version of One Shining Moment,
what are we going to do?
In the words of a great scholar, then I die.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then I die.
Then I die.
Who said that, Frank?
What did you say that about, Frank?
What was that tweet about originally?
Quitting soda?
Quitting soda.
Yeah.
Can you find that tweet?
Frank, why don't you quit soda?
Then I die.
They said that it's not healthy drinking soda in your diet.
I said, well, then I'll die.
Is it true that the Duane Reade downstairs doesn't sell soda anymore?
Oh, is that Bloomberg?
It's like all the sodas are disappearing down there.
I got to say, this is-
Wait, what?
This is like a murder mystery.
What do you mean all the sodas are disappearing?
They're disappearing like one or two at a time every day.
What?
They haven't had any soda in the fridge in like a week.
Oh, my God.
The funny...
You ever see homeless people just shoplift?
Yeah.
It's very funny.
It's legal now.
They just do it.
Here we go.
I will not stop soda.
I'm on soda diet.
I can't stop soda.
I'm sick of this. What am I doing this for anyway? I need to enjoy something. I'm on soda diet. I can't stop soda. I'm sick of this.
What am I doing this for anyway?
I need to enjoy something.
Then someone said, why don't you just stop?
Or, yeah, don't stop.
He said, then I die.
I should retweet on that.
I thought that was viral.
I did too.
I thought then I'd get it there.
Nah, I don't.
What?
It's a niche joke.
Even how it is, yeah.
It's repurposed.
Many times. You think you would lose it
you would lose the
je ne sais quoi
yeah you know
it really is
it's just like
everything is just
creeping into everything
it's like
oh you gotta do this
you gotta do that
you gotta do this
you gotta do this
soon we'll have
mandatory uniforms
everyone's gonna be wearing
seriously
I mean you ever watch
a movie about the future? Everybody is wearing
the same stuff. Yeah, well,
it's really setting up.
Ever see Dune? Imagine you wearing some fucking
earth tones like in Dune.
Just like in Dune. You're not a Dune.
You're not an earth tone guy.
Do you have anything with earth tones? Yeah, you're
a bright colored guy. Yeah, well,
I wear a lot of blue and orange. I wear
red and black. I wear some fluorescent, blue and orange. I wear red and black.
I wear some
fluorescent,
black and white.
Purple.
I wear some green.
Yeah, occasionally green.
Of course,
aqua and orange.
I need to get you
a Coogee sweater.
Of course.
Frank in a Coogee sweater
at a Nets game?
That would be incredible.
Yeah, we got to get him one.
Biggie Smalls wore the Coogee.
Why can't Frank?
Is that the one with all the colors?
Yes.
What do you think?
It's like the Nets trim on some of their jerseys.
Yeah, they had the City Connect jersey a couple years ago.
You know what the problem is, though?
I don't wear too many sweaters.
I usually wear short sleeves.
I would love to see you in that sweater sitting courtside nba finals game in
yeah yeah well spill your jumbo soda and we have like a two minute delay well uh yeah the nets are
not even gonna even uh go past the uh playing i i disagree frank the nets are good james johnson's
a stiff but he why are you picking on him? What about all the All-Stars?
Because every time James Johnson's on the floor,
the Nets give up
10 offensive rebounds.
That can't be a real fact.
We have two Hall of Famers.
Three if you count Ben Simmons.
Four if you count Blake Griffin.
Five if you count LaMarcus Aldridge.
Blake Griffin hasn't been playing a lot lately.
Where's Steven going?
He's going to ask about
why the internet sucks so fucking much.
Where's Steven's ass? Did his ass fall off?
Pete's answer to that question
is infuriating.
Where's his ass?
TV 12 and his ass fell off?
The internet lately is like
Pete's downgraded to AOL. Where did his ass fell off? Yeah, the internet lately is like pizza down to AOL.
Whoa, where did that ass fall?
Shit, AWOL.
What the fuck?
That's not a 4-4 ass.
Wait, you probably can't take the stairs.
Did he fuck his ass off last night?
What?
He fucked his ass off.
It's inverted.
He's trying to puff it out.
He's trying to pad the stats.
What if he just took a dildo out and just slid it?
Hey, yo!
Ever so slightly stuffed it up his butt.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe we get our ass pats from tomatoes?
Yeah, the night shades are what really give you a fat ass.
Pomodoro.
Oh, the bulge, though.
He's got a huge cock.
Look at that.
Oh, my God.
How's his dick bulge bigger than his ass?
Bigger than his ass.
Boy's dick bigger than his ass.
It's that dick.
How's your dick bigger than your ass?
Huh?
Your dick bigger than your ass?
This guy, this guy in the crowd.
This man's dick bigger than his ass.
This guy over here.
What do you do for a living?
So he does.
I'll tell you what you don't do.
Use your ass.
So basically he's trying to raise up his laptop
so he can have
better Wi-Fi up there.
So there's no Wi-Fi at waist level.
When you ask Pete what's wrong, he says
it's not the internet, it's the Wi-Fi.
It's infuriating.
I would say a synonym.
It's infuriating when he says that.
Let's pan down.
Yeah, real quick.
Let's just guess that dick.
Oh, whoa.
Rhea's going for it.
Chill, chill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chill, chill, chill.
All right, now go back down.
Good God.
His neck. Oh, we can stay on his cock
Yeah yeah
He's kind of figuring it out
But he hasn't
Yeah brother
I think Fran
Fran told us
Told him
On the way
Hey Steven
Just so you know
Your dick's bigger than your ass
The man's dick
Is bigger than his ass
He's top heavy on his ass Oh Steve We'll just have one than your ass. The man's dicking it at waste.
He's top heavy on his ass.
Oh, Steve.
We'll just have
one cave
and it's like
two M parentheses.
Sorry,
what were you saying, Frank?
It's like
I hear that
the internet
we have going
in the office now
is Prodigy or Juno.
Prodigy or Juno?
What's that mean?
Boot it up.
Those were like the early internet companies from the 90s.
Oh, I thought you were talking about the movie Juno
with that young fella.
Elliot.
That was a classic.
That was the last likable role that Jason Bateman's been in.
I don't know about that.
He's good at his roles, but they're not likable guys.
Wow.
Wow.
I agree.
I'm trying to think.
Think of one.
Game Night?
Game Night.
Maybe.
Maybe Game Night.
You'd have to re-watch GameNight.
GameNight had a great line that didn't involve the word Frito-Lay,
but it's the only thing I remember about it.
I've never seen it.
Like Frito-Lay?
No.
It was nothing like that.
Wait, are Che and Nardini dressed exactly the same?
Yeah, they're the same outfit.
Yeah, they are. Che and Nardini dressed exactly the same? Yeah, they are. Wait, what? Same outfit. Yeah, they are.
They beat Nardini.
They look like they're going to go on a boat in Paris.
Yeah, that is some...
With a little mouse.
Very Parisian shit.
Their captain, yeah.
Very mouse with a captain shit.
Yeah.
I don't like how fast we shrugged off Che's monster cock.
Yeah, it's...
Look at it, dude.
It's just sitting out there.
Why is he standing there?
What is going on in his brain?
He's under the Wi-Fi router.
Does he know he's awake?
Dude, this is a man who's just...
He's all night hitting props and pussy.
Yeah.
Stephen Chaiway.
Chaiway.
Here he is.
He's back.
Hey, Stephen. How you doing? I don't know anything about his bulbous cock. I don't know. Is that why he never sits. He's back. Hey, Steven.
How you doing?
I didn't say anything about his bulbous cock.
I don't know.
Is that why he never sits?
What's up?
Okay, fine.
I've never seen him sit.
He's got no ass and a huge cock.
He's front heavy.
Is your dick bigger than your butt?
It's probably pretty close.
I thought you were caked up, dude.
And then we saw you outside and you were concave.
We might have been zooming in on your dick and your ass.
You look like a steel drum.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah, no, I only work out my glamour muscles.
Your dick.
I think ass is a glamour muscle.
Just really arms.
In 2022, ass is a glamour muscle.
You're trapped in the 90s bro
You got a barbed wire tattoo
And some big Pam Anderson fake titties
You need to squat
Yeah I don't
That's why I could so easily deny that
Video with the dude that looks like me getting sucked off
Because I can't squat that much
He was getting head
Yeah
Yeah that was the
Morbid boy What were you doing out there?
I can't upload videos in here.
The internet's terrible.
There's like a port right under...
It's not the internet. It's the Wi-Fi.
Okay.
Did you directly plug into a port over there?
No, but there's like a...
I don't know what they call it.
There's basically a hotspot.
Hotspot?
Yeah. Right under Eric's door.
Have we talked about the fact
that Glennie and Jeff have a shore house together
this summer? We brought that up now.
Wait, what?
Jeff T. Lowe and Glennie Balls have a shore
house together? I think it's just the two of them
building castles in the sky.
I feel like that makes sense.
That's like math.
PEMDOS, yeah.
How does it make sense?
Break down the,
balance the equation for us, brother.
Those two would do that.
Because they're both.
I think it's Jeff's house.
How did he get in there?
I think he was just willing
to fork over the cash.
He's been sitting on
every paycheck he's ever made.
He's made my rounds.
Glennie is like the third richest man
in the world.
Oh, for sure.
If he was on this show,
DeStefano wouldn't have shit to say.
No.
Cluny would just shove a $100 bill in his mouth.
Go on your way, peasant.
Scott Disick.
That's going to be such an awesome house.
That's such an awesome duo.
It makes me almost want to go down there for a weekend.
Makes you want to get a neighboring house.
Yeah.
That's the odd couple. Yeah. That's the odd couple.
Yeah.
What's the show about the two people in Milwaukee and the two ladies?
It was a sitcom in the 80s.
Laverne and Shirley.
Laverne and Shirley.
They're like Laverne and Shirley.
Actually, no.
They're like Lenny and Squiggy.
Who's Lenny and Squiggy?
Laverne and Shirley's neighbors.
Yes.
Yes.
They're like Lenny and Squiggy.
Wait. Laverne and Shirley's neighbors. Yes, yes. They're like Lenny and Squiggy. Wait. Yes. Laverne
and Shirley live next to two men?
Yes. Were they...
Oh, no, Frank. We just ruined
Laverne and Shirley for Frank.
He's thinking back.
Any moments that got your radar up?
You never know. Are they wearing sweaters?
You never know.
Yeah, they're going to get so much puss.
Two of those guys.
It's like you have any option you want.
You have the in-shape, like, anal dude who's attention to details.
And then you have Glennie Paul.
Yeah.
Who's also in shape.
Who's very good shape.
Fast.
Who just loves to party. They're also in shape. Who's very good shape. Fast. Who just loves to party.
They're the perfect duo for any woman.
I hope Glennie has a weighted headband with like a 10-pound dumbo on it
so he doesn't hurt his neck again this summer.
Oh, yeah.
Actually, Steven, he could use some tips for you on neck health during the summer months.
Glennie got a cunnilingus injury last year.
I remember.
Is that usually they're spending too much time on the walls?
Yeah, there's painting.
I have to see his form.
They're triple painting.
To be clear,
painting the fence is not good.
That's what you don't want to do.
But that's what people in adult films
typically do because it is more visually
appealing.
I got my neck cracked yesterday by surprise.
But you cut it warm?
It was.
That was totally random.
Was this correlated?
Yeah, what was that?
I got a chair massage and the guy after finishes and he's like,
all right, sit up straight.
And I did.
And then all of a sudden he just grabs my neck and completely cracks it.
It's terrifying.
Did you do that to your wife,
and then she said you could go get a massage somewhere?
No, no.
This was at the mall in the morning.
You had a great mall trip, huh?
I did, yeah.
It was really cool.
It actually is very fun to go to a mall on a weekday
when there's not a rush and you can just walk around.
I went to the American Dream Mall on a weekday.
Did you?
What's that?
I went through the House of Mirrors twice.
Really?
The one in New Jersey.
It's fucking enormous. What is it? It's like the biggest mall in the country. Yeah, and What's that? I went through the House of Mirrors twice. Really? The one in New Jersey. It's fucking enormous.
What is it? It's like the biggest corporate failure.
Yeah, it's got like
no money.
It's going to be bust out
and all the stores are going to close and they're going to
replace it with massage parlors.
They're going to have a tanning salon.
They're going to have a
There's like more
attraction. They were supposed to put an F1 course in it
it would be too loud and the exhaust would fill it up
there's a ski slope
which caught on fire
there's also like a spot where you like
the ski slope caught on fire
is this Mall of America?
no it's the American Dream in North Jersey
you walk in, it's right by the Meadowlands
you walk in and there's
when I went in, there was like...
Everyone was riding these little furry animals.
Yes, yes.
They zip around.
They zip like right by you.
You're like, what the fuck?
And there's too many golf courses.
Too many golf courses?
Yes.
Jesus Christ.
There's an Angry Birds themed one.
No, no.
There's too many golf courses.
Oh, I thought you said too many.
Angry Birds.
Too many.
There's so many golf courses.
The most profitable franchise ever. And there's going to be a... One would be too sides. There's so many golf courses. The most profitable franchise ever.
Yeah.
And there's going to be a giant.
One would be too many.
There's going to be a giant Ferris wheel that's opening in a couple of weeks.
In it?
Outside of it.
And they're bankrupt.
They're bankrupt.
Very bankrupt, yeah.
Like I said, there's going to be a bust out.
They're going to have like a.
They're going to have a Satriales there.
Satriales.
We should do Jack Live.
The American Dream. Bring them back Yacht Lives. The American Dream.
Bring them back to prominence.
Hit the slopes.
And go skiing.
You know it would be fun to pick the hottest day
in July and go skiing.
I remember going last year.
You went skiing last year?
I didn't go skiing, but I went.
Have you been skiing?
No.
Maybe it's time.
I'm going to get you on the slopes frank i yeah
more of a snowboarder anyway uh yeah i actually went to the mall i never actually been snowboarding
either what's tubing it's a standard tube i've uh maybe went down the hill once about falling down
a mound of ice i've done that all right so there we go we go. We found it. But I went there like just before the 4th of July last year.
In fact, I brought my camera that I use for my soda reviews there.
And it was like 95 degrees and people are walking in with snowboards.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Frank, why did someone send me today a video of them doing, like, a soda review for you
and they dropped the camera or something like that?
I don't know.
And you, like, yelled at them or something like that?
Was this?
I don't know.
Someone sent me, like, a random-ass video of them, like.
I don't recall that.
Yeah, you've probably done so damn many of them that they all blend together.
But they dropped your camera like a fool.
I would never do that. nor have I ever done that.
I would have by now if I was going to.
Yeah.
They'd have a Ciprianis in there.
Speaking about cameras, you know, the disorder review I recorded on the act is actually debuting today.
Whoa.
Very nice.
The act's actually.
So you could,
you could,
you could find that on,
of course,
there'll be on the Barstool page.
It'll be on my YouTube channel,
which I would love to have more people.
Like and subscribe,
like and subscribe to Frank's YouTube.
Comment. So easy to do.
Yes,
because when you go on my YouTube channel,
you get everything.
I mean,
you get,
you get my hot dog reviews.
You get,
allow me to be Frank,
which comes out every Thursday.
Cameo?
Oh,
well, cameo's cameo.
Shit.
Frank, I think it's time
for a luxury purchase for you.
Yeah, I'd agree.
I think it's time for you
to buy something nice.
You've been making
too much damn money
off these cameos
for you not to splurge
once in a while.
Yeah, well,
I got like $10,000
I had to send to Uncle Sam,
so imagine how much
he's making.
Think about how much
he's making.
Frank, you gotta
check out Etsy.
Etsy?
Yeah.
Ever heard of it?
No.
It's your one-stop shop.
XB?
Let's pull up Etsy.
Let's get him a Live, Laugh, Love board.
Wow, that was fast, TJ.
I guess it's four letters.
I take it back.
That was regular.
Oh, look at this.
Wow.
Stop being the bigger person.
Luxury.
What's your middle name?
They're infringing.
My middle name is Earl.
You could make a good Earl.
A spinoff.
A spinoff of the Jason Lee show.
Just Frank.
Your middle name is Earl.
My middle name is Earl My middle name is Earl
Yep
By the way
Go to dudewipes.com
Use code YAK20
For 20% off your
Yes sir
I wet my butt with dudewipes
All the time
Every day
And I've seen your ass
It's cause it's not
Surrounded by poop
Yep
You got that
Hard vark ass
Yeah
Filled with DW
I found myself in a You weren't fucking I've got that. Aardvark ass. Yeah. Filled with DW.
I found myself in a- You weren't fucking.
Were they brother, sister?
I took some liberties.
I didn't say Arthur ass.
I said just Aardvark.
That's true.
He got you there.
He got me good.
Pervert.
I'm a sicko.
Why did you think of that, Nick?
Dude wipes, though.
Dude wipes.
Dude wipes.
I used-
I didn't have dude wipes the other day,
and dude, it was terrible.
Yeah.
It kind of ruined your day.
It was bad for my butt.
I wish I had dude wipes.
Never go without them.
Have you guys seen the Barstool ripoff merch on RedBubble.com?
Yeah.
I don't understand.
The only people I block on Twitter are the people who respond.
Whenever I tweet a shirt, they respond.
The bots respond. Yeah, what
is that? A link to the Redbubble.
Is it always Redbubble? Is it Redbubble?
Or is it something like that? They're just like dropshipping
websites. Somebody used to do it every night
on the Brandon Walker show for whatever college
shirt Brandon was wearing.
It's weird. I think
they're bots. Yeah.
But like, do they have just... Well, no.
I mean, you could just make the shirts we make for cheaper, right?
I don't think so.
They're not as quality.
No, come on, Owen.
No, but I'm saying I think that's what they're doing.
Somebody may want to meet us at the horse running video.
I'm saying it's impossible to make them for cheaper.
Really?
There's a TJ shirt?
I need to come up with...
Whoa!
No way.
Yeah.
I'm like, all right, buy them.
Buy them.
That shirt rocks. I need to come up with more bye. Bye, um. That shirt rocks.
I need to come up with more shirts.
I need to.
Yeah, I'll do.
Somebody sent us.
I need, like, you got to stop waiting for the perfect one and just start, you know,
dumping out some suggestions.
They don't all, every one of them doesn't have to be flawless.
I think you just have to get some going because I think people will like them because they're
coming from you.
Shoot or shoot. Shoot or shoot.
Shoot or shoot.
I've made some really bad shirts back in my day.
Let's not give Redbubble the publicity here.
Let's burst your bubble.
We're built on.
Maybe report Redbubble for stealing, for infringing.
Give them a cease to exist order.
Because they stink so much.
Cease to exist.
Love it. Pop that Because they stink so much. Yes, he's to exist. Love it.
Pop that bubble.
Oh, man.
Who's here tomorrow?
Oh, I'm very here tomorrow.
Oh, let's go, Roan.
I think we're gone all week next week now, though.
Jesus Christ.
You guys were supposed to leave on Wednesday.
It doesn't matter.
Because we're trying to get them out to the championship game.
Let's do a video.
We're taking another.
Oh, where are you going?
Hopefully Villanova.
Yeah.
If not, I'm trying to go to NCU.
Probably no show Monday.
I think I'm the only one here Monday.
I'll be here Monday.
Aren't you going to?
You're going to.
Well, if it's Villanova, I'm just going to go take the train in the afternoon.
What if it isn't?
It's going to be.
Okay. How does that sound? Yeah It's going to be. Okay.
How does that sound?
Yeah, okay.
All right, cool.
Even Villanova fans are hitting me up being like,
yeah, we're just happy to be here.
They sound like Cincinnati fans, honestly.
You're Villanova.
Nick and KB are where?
Probably Lawrence, Kansas.
Lawrence, Kansas if they win, and if Villanova wins,
that means you're at Duke or NC,
so you're going to be around the same area.
Yeah.
Is that cool?
Yeah, I have a house down there. And I'm going to St. Bonaventure to be around the same area. Yeah. Is that cool?
Yeah, I have a house down there.
And I'm going to St. Bonaventure to watch it with that beer guy.
Ew, that's a beer.
Wait, so who's going to go to UNC?
If it's Duke, Kansas, are you going to Duke?
I guess.
UNC, Kansas?
Maybe.
Or just we won't send anyone.
Do you know, I remember there was a football game.
It was maybe about 20 years ago.
This is how close Duke and North Carolina are together.
And the guy was supposed to parachute into North Carolina Stadium and accidentally parachuted into Duke Stadium.
Hmm.
What the heck?
I don't believe that.
I think he was aiming toward the wrong one.
I'm going to go with an I don't believe.
Yeah, the pilot flew over a stadium and didn't know which stadium was which,
so he parachuted into the wrong stadium.
Maybe that's getting a little more believable.
A little more feasible.
A little more believable.
Well, it was a football Saturday, and both Duke and North Carolina
were both playing at the same time.
It's nine miles.
It's nine miles that separates them.
Yeah, they saw The pilot went over
The wrong stadium
And jumped
And he did the jump
Over the wrong stadium
How do you remember
Those type of stories
It's just funny
Right
Yeah
It's like the doctor
The dentist
We were reminded of this
Today
You can't defeat that
Oh you're right
The dentist who gave
The patient AIDS
Well that was shown
On TV like Daily on daily on this current affair.
Yeah.
Daily.
I've got to find that story about the skydiver.
It happened around 2000, I believe.
2000?
That seems too late.
Your mind is fascinating, Frank.
Let's get to that.
We've got to get that story, Jamie.
That story?
Jamie, pull that up.
Pull that up.
Pull that shit up.
Parishers lands at Duke instead of North Carolina.
What year?
August 31.
Come on.
I see 2-0-0.
About an hour before kickoff against United.
Wow.
Eight.
Eight.
Oh, wow.
Well, wasn't that?
Yeah, it was.
Don't try to defend that one. But I remember the story, at least. Oh, wow. Well, it wasn't that. Yeah, it was. Don't try to defend that one.
But I remember the story at least.
Yeah.
Wow, Frank, your brain is incredible.
All right, I take back.
I should have believed you.
Speaking of incredible brains, the dozen. Oh, look at that.
In about five years, maybe this will be funny.
Guess what, buddy?
Yes.
It's funny.
Maybe take 14.
It's funny.
How is that not funny?
I think it was most funny
at the present
yeah
how was that not
immediately hilarious
you remember reading it
at the time
Frank and laughing
yes
so it was funny right away
I mean nobody got hurt
he landed correctly
it's just
he just landed
in the wrong stadium
wrong stadium
that's fucking perfect
uh oh do we want
let's go beat him
he's coming up
be a dickhead
you want to get him on
Tom don't do it don't we can't afford this what do we want... He's coming on to be a dickhead. You want to get him on? Tom?
Don't do it.
We can't afford this.
What do we got for him?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Tom.
Guy's so rich that he's trying to look poor.
Oh, man, this is going to be...
What are you going to do?
He's coming on PMT right after.
I'm going to suck him off and say I loved every one of his specials.
That's a good plan.
We should show him the video of us playing basketball.
Oh, can we get that
ready to go?
It still makes me laugh so much.
Is he the one that...
I like him a lot.
Is he the Kool-Aid one too?
Who drinks the Kool-Aid all the time?
That's his podcast with Bird.
Why do you not know who anyone is?
I know them.
I didn't know who was the Kool-Aid guy.
You're like, did something Neil Brennan did
or something? I did. You just know people who are just one notch
off from them. You think Tom's
taking a shit?
He just walked in and immediately took a
shit.
Memes.
By the way, I want to give a special
shout out to Doug's
and his unpacking card rips
I watch all of them
they're like oddly therapeutic
something about his voice
he has a calming voice
very calming voice
I watch him just rip open cards
that I don't care about whatsoever
alright so let's get Tom in here
Jordan
I think it's something to do with
the pitch of his voice all right so this is redemption okay this is redemption all right so
what's up bitch yeah all right so tom segura coming in very funny comedian he's coming on
pmt right after this um sit right there so we need you in here because we had an issue yesterday
chris di stefano also a very funny comedian stopped in and um he completely flamed kb and kb's
struggling now so this is well i didn't like to see a guy that i looked up to uh
i didn't like to know that he hates me you look up to chris
what do you know about him?
Watch your step.
He's great, but why did he light you up?
I asked him if he was opening for Pat McAfee.
You fucked up, though.
Oh, I saw you retweeted it because he got them together.
Chris is now with Pat.
Oh, you made that happen?
He made that happen.
He's a put-on prince.
I don't know.
I think I made that happen. Oh, shit. Did you? I fucking told happen. He's the put-on prince. Oh, no, I think I made that happen.
Oh, shit.
Did you?
I fucking told Pat McAfee to have Chris DeStefano on.
That's a little bit more direct.
Yeah, that's a little bit slightly more, you know what I mean?
I thought that was me.
You're taking away the one thing the put-on prince had.
That's me, dude.
This is pathetic because I actually thought that was me.
Shit.
Yeah, this is worse for you now.
Oh, it's so much worse.
No, you're all good, dude.
You probably, like, he, you know You probably Yeah I didn't mean any harm
I thought I was
You thought you were busting balls
Yes he thought he was busting balls
And he got his balls busted back
And it was a little bit too much to handle
It's all good dude
But we just need to stop busting balls
When people come in on some light hearted shit
Maybe we need to kind of
You know soften the blow a little bit
We're trying to learn
Listen man
If you tell a comic
Who's on the road,
like,
who are you opening for this week?
Like, Chris?
I mean, you know,
he's a fucking New Yorker.
He's going to fucking bust your balls.
We also have a problem
with this show
because it's,
you know,
if someone comes in,
it's six on one
and we're also all dickheads.
Of course.
We're not nice people.
Yeah.
And we put, like,
funny guy underneath him.
Yeah, yeah.
He made a joke
and Chris came like
he was about to slap him
or something like that.
It was kind of low-key fun.
I mean, but you understand that is to be expected.
Correct.
Correct.
Like, KB.
It's the business, I guess.
It's the business.
Part of it.
You're going to make it through this.
You think I'll make it in comedy?
No, my contact.
KB struggles with eye contact.
I'm nervous.
Are you a stand-up?
No.
Oh.
What are you working on right now?
I don't know.
It's just...
I mean, do I think you'll continue to have this seat?
I guess.
I don't know.
There's a lot of seats.
There's a lot of seats in this room.
There's fucking six seats.
Yeah, there's a lot of seats to have.
Tom, we want to show you a clip
because you obviously had your famous basketball incident.
We played basketball over the Super Bowl, and we want you to grade how we did.
I would love to.
Okay, all right.
Let's play right here.
421 is crazy.
So far, the speed is incredible.
Oh, no!
Damn.
Honestly.
What do you think?
Pretty good, right? This is more exciting than this year's dunk contest.
Yeah.
Look.
And then, oh.
And no.
And here comes our star.
This is the guy who played D1.
Okay, so yeah, that was it.
You know what's wild, dude, is like you see yourself doing shit,
and you're like, hey, this is cool,
and then you don't realize how fucking awful that was to watch.
Yeah.
For everybody else.
Yeah.
Can't fake basketball.
No, I did the same thing.
Before I broke my body playing basketball, I played Bert Kreischer in tennis.
And we both trained, took lessons to get.
And then we're playing.
And as people are watching it, they're like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen.
Yes, yes.
And I go, why?
And they're like, because we can watch pros play tennis.
Right, right.
It's like watching your cousin play tennis.
Unless your cousin's like Rafa or something, it's not exciting.
Yes, yes.
But it's also the, we're going to play again.
You're welcome to come.
I'd love to come.
The idea of playing full court 21 also confuses everyone
because you shoot at any hoop you want.
How many were on the court playing?
Seven of us.
And we were, if you noticed, I shot at one side and then immediately went down and shot
at the other side.
Yeah.
That was good.
So, but yeah, you're welcome to come.
Just don't get hurt.
It's just hard to change directions as an adult male.
It's just like hard to really be like quick and like change directions, which is necessary.
We're like alligators.
You just have to go straight in the loop.
Changing directions is very difficult.
It's hard.
Yeah.
It's hard for us.
We're linear species.
How old are you?
I'm 37.
Okay.
You could probably, you might be a few years away from a major injury.
Oh, believe me, I know.
Didn't it happen?
I play pickup basketball and every day, it's now become the warm up and cool down is longer
than I play.
What happens is you forget how much time has gone since you played a lot. Right.
You'll be like, I used to play. And then you have to go like,
oh wait, that was 15 years ago. Here's the only
thing that I have on my side.
I've never had explosive
ability. So I've never
been above the rim.
So it's not like I'm like, oh man, I'm gonna go
out there. I'm usually this
far off the ground at all times.
I think that actually means, because you look at a guy like Sandler.
Sandler loves balls.
Yeah, he balls, yeah.
But that dude just plays perimeter play.
Right, he just runs around.
Two feet on the ground at all times.
Three-point line to three-point line.
Me, I was like, I can get up.
No, you were about to dunk.
No, I saw it.
It was about to happen.
It was.
It was.
It was permission to launch. It was about to happen. All right. It was. It was. It was permission to launch.
It was about to happen.
All right, so are we good?
KB, you good?
Are we good?
Yeah, yeah.
Stay in touch.
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
Who are you open for at MSG?
Jeff Tate.
He's great.
Okay, all right.
Hell yeah.
Jeff Tate is a fucking hilarious comedian.
You didn't think about opening for Pat?
I can't believe.
Pat is so insane that the first time I talked to him, he was like, oh
yeah, I do stand up.
And I was like, oh yeah?
Like how many times have you done?
He goes, I think three times.
And the first time I shot, the first two times I shot specials.
I was like, I'm sorry, what?
What was he saying?
He just went on stage.
I had a vacation.
Yes.
I shot specials.
Who's that mustachioed man?
Do you have a birthday coming up?
Do I?
Yeah, at some point this year
Yes
Happy birthday
Happy upcoming birthday
Wow, good research, Owen
Good job, Owen
Kyle said he's a huge fan
He's like the Nardwar of the show
Oh, and happy birthday to all of you for your upcoming birthday
Thank you, bro
Thank you, bro
Yeah, Tom, last thing
Do you have any Mets questions for Frank real quick? Anything? Who's Frank? Are you Frank? Yes All of you for your upcoming year. Thank you, bro. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Yeah, Tom, last thing.
Do you have any Mets questions for Frank real quick?
Anything?
Who's Frank?
Are you Frank?
Yes.
Hi, Frank.
That's Frank.
I don't.
Okay.
Do you have an answer for him?
Yeah.
A hypothetical question?
Well, if the Mets stay healthy, they should win the Eastern Division.
There we go.
There you go. Wow.
The perfect conversation.
I'm going to take that with me.
That's how most conversations with Frank go.
Unsolicited Mets topics. And here's this year's bold prediction.
The New York Yankees will have their first sub-500 season in 20 years.
Oh.
Whoa.
Wow.
That is bold.
With that, what do you will?
You know, I want to take that with me because I don't know a fucking thing about baseball.
And I think it will probably provoke conversations with people who will then think I'm informed.
Drop that on PMT.
I think that will blow their minds.
Yes, that will.
The cat will like that.
Frank, thank you for that.
What's your favorite sport to watch?
I'm a big college football fan.
Okay.
That would be, like, by far number one.
And then number two would be NFL.
And then after that, probably NBA.
Frank, anything on the NBA?
Did the Brooklyn Nets are a total disaster?
Just take that.
Thank you.
Put it in your back pocket.
Who's that?
I'm telling Tom to take these in the back pocket.
Yes.
Anything with the Lakers?
Heard they were going to sign Steph Curry and Giannis.
Probably.
LeBron James' best friend is Russell Westbrook.
Oh, shit.
That's a good ending.
Hey, KB, you're fucking dead to me.
Please, please.
All right, see you guys tomorrow.
Have a good weekend, everybody.