The Yak - KB Is Ready For The Robot Uprising | The Yak 8-3-22
Episode Date: August 3, 2022RIP Vin Scully - SUBSCRIBE NOWYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh, there he is.
Oh, come on now.
The Angels.
Come on.
This is going to be the first time all the boys are back.
What show are these girls here for?
Hmm.
Shit.
That won't be anything.
Who smells good?
Is that you?
Someone just walked by and just got a whop.
Did you pick it up off the chicks?
No, because I came around the back way.
Probably the lips of the angels.
What's your scent?
What are you wearing?
I've worn no scent.
It's only my natural musk.
Oh, well, that's pretty good.
No, it's not, dude.
It's not.
I have that plain stink, that different type of soury vinegar plain stink.
You said it was your natural musk.
There goes Lenny with his ladies.
Hi, how are you?
Hi.
Okay.
I'm sure you remember the rest of you.
It was going to be a big announcement that everyone's back, but Sass is late.
Perfect.
Running back, dude.
Good to see all the boys, though.
Feels good.
To Sass's credit, he's on a toilet somewhere.
Yeah, that doesn't count. To Sass's credit. How did he describe it? We ate a bunch of, he poop on a toilet somewhere. Yeah, that doesn't count.
He pooped out six tacos at once.
We just ate a bunch of tacos in L.A.
He's stuck.
He's jammed up on a toilet.
That's fucking dope, dude.
Get into some birria?
We got some birria.
Oh, hell yes.
Birria ria.
We were going to some birria ria.
Wait, so is it, so now, are you a groomer?
Yeah.
Past the stop.
I didn't know.
Yeah, I know, but I didn't.
Well, this is the first time with Tommy and Sass.
Dude, well, I'm trying to establish a fucking network of little Power Rangers.
You're Lou Perman.
You're on your Lou Perman shit.
Yeah, I want to get them in formation and dancing so I can kind of set them on the world,
like send them out like little henchmen.
Shit.
I can sick them on people.
Good for you.
Can I get one?
Honestly, they're like fighting with each other,
so I can't, it's like two bad dogs.
I can't have them in the same space,
so you might have to adopt one of them.
Don't you have that with Billy and Jake?
Yeah, I was going to say, do you want another?
Well, Jake is 15 years old.
I'll take Jake, yeah, of course.
Jake's an adult, man.
Yeah, Billy is, yeah, you can take Billy.
Wait, Kyle, what is that?
What's huh?
What's that pile of white shit over there?
What?
Huh?
Oh, that's.
That's.
Oh, wow.
How did that get there?
You're a piece of shit.
Oh, Isringhausen.
Yeah.
Jersey.
That's fucked up.
You're a piece of shit.
It's just crumpled up, too. That is fucked up. Just lying to me in private. I used to be on the carpet. It's just crumpled up too.
That is fucked up.
Just lying to me in private.
I didn't put it there.
How'd it get there then?
I didn't put it there.
How'd it get there?
Someone ripped it off you?
I put it there, specifically there, yeah.
Glad no one moved it.
My line of sight.
You're a piece of shit, dude.
Sass really ruined this though because we got Steven, Zaha, TJ, everyone's back.
Whole group.
Literally, this is the first time we've all been here in a month, maybe.
I think so.
And Sass is an asshole, ruined it for everybody.
Literally, dude, that guy's a dick.
When he walks in, let's pretend that we haven't even started the show,
that we're just waiting, sitting in silence.
Yeah, can we pull up the loading screen?
Yeah, just be ready for it.
So when he walks in, what if he says some fuck shit, though?
He definitely will.
No, we'll just stay silent and make him talk first.
And we'll just look at him and be like, all right.
They'll just blink and be like, what?
Big announcement, by the way.
What?
Big announcement.
Get excited.
Tomorrow is KB's Wild featuring Big Cat done on Zah.
Yes.
What?
Yes.
Wait, you're...
Fans are in motion.
I have a meeting with Nick, Quigs, and TJ after this.
Nick and I already talked.
We have, I think, four or five ideas already in motion.
We're going to tighten it up.
It's going to be a great episode tomorrow.
I think it's going to be the wheel with the most slivers.
Yes.
No way.
And just a little preview. I don't's going to be the wheel with the most slivers. Yes. No way. And just a little preview.
I don't want to give anything away,
but Zah, instead
of alcohol, you will be playing for something
you have lusted for for a very long
time. No way.
Sidney Sweeney. Yes.
Sidney Sweeney's going to be naked
in the middle of the room.
If you get enough questions right, you can fuck her
in front of us.
That's not fair, though.
That's not your debt to honor.
No, it is now.
As a YouTuber, it is now.
It will be breastfeeding.
It is now.
So it will be,
and you might not get all of them,
but you're going to get some.
Uh-huh.
All of what?
Oh, the orifice?
One per challenge?
One per challenge.
What is going on?
You will be drunk.
Yeah.
You have to be drunk.
There will be some alcohol.
Say the idea.
Say what's happening.
These are two masterful-
Yeah, because this actually isn't-
This doesn't ruin anything.
This actually enhances it.
Zah is dutifully gone to the Barstool Classic many times.
50 times in two years.
50 times.
Does not have a set of golf clubs.
So tomorrow, for Big Cats Wild, Zaha, for every challenge,
will be getting to add a club bought by me into his bag.
No way.
There is no guarantee that he's getting a full set.
None.
But he will end up, as long as he wins at least one challenge,
he will have one more club than he had going into the challenge.
He has zero right now.
He might have a bag with two clubs, by the way.
He might have a bag with no putter, no driver,
but a fucking 7-iron that he can hit for days.
Does he get to pick which club goes into the bag?
That's correct.
He'll be part of it.
When the wheel lands and he sees the category,
he has to choose what club he's going to pick.
He's like, this is for a driver.
Yes, correct. There's going to. So he's like, this is for a driver. Yes, correct.
There's going to be a lot of pressure.
Okay.
And I will personally buy whatever club you end up with, custom fit.
We'll get the custom fit set up.
So you're probably going to end up with a bag with like four clubs.
It's going to be awesome.
No, I can't wait.
Okay.
I've been waiting for two years.
I know.
And is it only one crack at each one? Correct. You can't be like, I get a driver for this one. Yes, you can't wait. Okay. I've been waiting for two years. I know. And is it only one crack at each one?
Correct.
Can't you be like, I get a driver for this one?
Yes, you can't run it back.
You can't run it back.
And we did discuss just buying a kid's bag, but we decided to custom fit them.
Custom fit.
Yeah.
Custom fit.
Shout out to Che.
He's getting some parallel content.
Yeah, look at Che.
He's doing takes while not listening to this.
This guy is so, he's so far above this show at this point yeah
doing an interview with jesus jay should we watch the make-a-wish yeah the instagram one is very
funny oh god we'll be the judge of that steven the one the yak put out i didn't put it out
good for you steven it was a it was a great great we didn't even talk about seeing giovanni
bernard yeah we got to talk about seeing Giovanni Bernard.
Yeah, we got to talk about all of it, but let's see the video first.
Let's see the uncut.
Oh, this is, yeah, let's see.
I posted the uncut.
People were like, what the fuck?
And then they saw, because it is a make-a-wish.
You are a make-a-wish.
It's no different than the kid that's about to die from like a million different cancers
getting to score a touchdown in spring practice.
It's your duty to die now.
Uh-huh.
If John Cena got his hands on you, you'd be fucking lights out.
Have you been checking for lumps, Che?
You're reverse engineering.
First take.
I so badly, if I could ever wish for a video to be different.
That was good.
If there was just a linebacker that just fucking took his head off over the middle.
Because look how much he exposed himself.
You know, he caught that with his body, which was terrible.
And then if he just got smoked right there.
Is it Ed Reed in those old SportsCenter commercials
who would just lay out people in the office?
Harry Tate.
Harry Tate office.
Steven, what goes through your mind when the entire Bucs training camp
is cheering for you to catch a ball over the middle from the backup quarterback?
Bliss, euphoria, nirvana.
Do you want me to peel back the curtain?
I feel like it could take away some of the mystique.
Oh, no, no.
There's so much mystique on the cat.
Dwight Clark, rest in peace.
He's dead?
Jesus.
Yes, he died like four years ago.
Oh, shit.
I'm saying the catch has been replaced.
No, this is the catch now.
This is the catch. Hard to argue. This was the Yak post. This'm saying the catch has been replaced. No, this is the catch now. This is the catch.
Hard to argue.
This was the Yak post.
This was not the first take.
The first take, I was just telling Rudy, I actually caught it, but my glasses fell off.
So it was actually a really nice catch.
Wait, do we have that footage?
We need to be in charge of that.
I can try and procure it.
No, there's a guy.
We need the footage.
Yeah.
No, I need it now. Who is filming? We can't is filming it now what do you mean you can't get it now it's like a producer
with the bucks like i text him okay i will i want it now all right so um uh yeah so that was the
first one it was a juggle and then i felt my glasses go because ryan asked me ryan griffin
the quarterback he was like do you want me to like you know give it to you i'm gonna give you real heat i was like give me
the real heat so i mean he's he's not aaron rogers but i mean nfl quarterback zipping it in there
it's coming quick a real nice catch and then you said there was a juggle there was there was a um
uh i caught it i almost one-handed it and when i did it i mean he's throwing it. I almost one-handed it, and when I did it,
I mean, he's throwing it so hard.
You almost one-handed it.
Do you mean you two-handed it?
Listen, listen.
Damn near a one-hand.
So I was stabbing with one hand,
and it shook my whole body, and my glasses fell off.
And so with this hand, I bobble the glasses,
and I almost go to catch those,
but I keep my eye on the prize.
I secure the actual six.
Sounds like the very opposite of a nice catch, if I'm being honest catch those, but I keep my eye on the prize. I secure the actual six.
Sounds like the very opposite of a nice catch, if I'm being honest.
Well, considering that my glasses fell off,
it was as best as I could have done.
It's days like this when I miss Caleb badly.
Caleb would be in your ass, dude.
He would be fucking his ass.
And he would be disgusted. Should we give Caleb a call and just update him on?
Yeah, do call Caleb.
Call Caleb.
I name dropped Caleb To my guy
What is this
That means a lot
What is that
Give me that footage
Yeah I dropped one
This must have been the third take
Wait I want that footage right now
Where are the hands
How'd you miss that
I mean
Pro quarterbacks coming in quick
It's got a lot of zip
So was this the second take That was the second take So the third one was the one I mean, pro quarterbacks coming in quick, it's got a lot of zip.
So was this the second take? That was the second take.
So the third one was the one where you pointed to the camera and everything?
The third one was a little too high.
That was the fourth take?
So all the people that were there and gave you the high fives and were cheering,
they had to watch you do this three times?
I don't know if they were there the whole time.
How much time was in between the first and the fourth?
They didn't just rush out?
90 seconds. So you don't think they were there for the first three. They weren't? How much time was in between the first and the fourth? They didn't just rush out? 90 seconds.
So you don't think they were there for the first three?
You weren't sure?
Yeah, I guess they were.
I wasn't thinking about them.
When you're a ball player, you just focus on inside the white lines.
You know what I mean?
In front of zero people, 60,000, same thing.
Oh, yes.
Oh, God.
So, I mean, you can't be taken down.
It's over.
Yeah, so how this got organized is that the Bucs have an awesome series
that's basically like hard knocks that they put out called In the Current,
and I've become friendly with the guy that shoots it,
and I kind of booked him.
That's the other one.
All right, what about Giovanni Bernard yesterday?
Yeah, so that was great.
On Monday, I went to Tom Brady's presser, and I got his credential and all that stuff
and made him laugh with the voice.
And then I met with the social.
Roan, Roan.
Roan's face.
I mean, he's going after your people.
You're Italian.
Yeah, that's culture thievery.
When you say you made Tom Brady laugh, I think he laughed at you.
I think there was a big misrepresentation in the original text,
and then when you were like, Tom Brady asked me to say Giovanni Bernard.
Oh, I did not say that.
You made it seem like he came up to you and was like, Stephen Jay, dude, I love your work.
Can you do the Giovanni Bernard?
Check the timestamps.
That's not what I said.
It's like when people would ask Avicii to play levels.
That's how you made it seem.
Somebody check the message.
We got the message.
I said I dropped the Giovanni Bernard on Black and Out or something like that.
Then the follow-up was like I made him laugh or something like that.
It just didn't seem
when i saw the actual footage and to be clear i'm hating right now yeah no there's a lot there's
actually a the chay hive has grown stronger and they're like flex how could you hate and it's like
you don't you don't live with this guy he doesn't look at him the biggest flex look at him right now this was your vacation right
uh kind of yeah i i took vacation then extended it for this so yes it was my vacation that's baller
yeah it was um it was great be at the the meeting with him i met with their social team and we kind
of uh bounced some ideas off of each other and uh jill beckman and the idea was like hey like a ball no no it was
like uh hey i can um you guys can meet after practice tomorrow i was like oh my god i don't
know if he was cool with it or not but um and how'd you come up with the skit did you have help
no um wow that was steven che original you caught a ball from ryan griffin right yeah did you did
you ask for Tom Brady did
you at some point say I'm a Ryan Griffin's like my friend so I saw him after I saw him after
practice but did you see Tom Brady throwing and you're like hey let's see if I can get over here
Tom Brady was not out there throwing but I mean no I I probably wouldn't have done that to be
honest um but the first day so I wanted I knew Tom was doing media availability and it was like
across a field so I hurried to get to that so I didn't get to, like, mingle with people after on the field.
But I saw Ryan, and I was just passing him, and he was throwing balls at someone else.
So I was like, yo.
So he gave me one of some heat.
I'm sorry.
You were like, what?
Well, he was probably, like, where, you know, maybe the desk is.
And I know him, so I was like, yo, what's up, buddy?
And he saw me, and I put up my hands, and he threw me one with some heat and i caught it but there was no video of it
because again i'm by myself and you know i'm trying to do the best i can and then i had to
i was like yo i'll talk to you later or whatever and then i went over to media availability and
did the thing with tom but then by the time I got back and done with everything, everybody was gone. So yesterday
I spent the time on
field getting players and stuff.
You think Sass is okay?
He really might not.
It's been a minute.
Steven.
I'm happy for you, Steven.
I'm happy for you.
I got one more video coming out that I think you guys
will like.
Can you give us a hint? No. I'm happy for you. I got one more video coming out that I think you guys will like. What is it?
Can you give us a hint?
You haven't liked any of them.
No.
I actually loved the first one.
Which one?
The first Tom Brady one, but then it just all kind of slid off the cracker after that.
I thought the G-Zone was a hit.
I thought the catch was a hit.
At the end of the day, this could be 3 million plus videos, so I'm excited about that.
It could be what?
3 million plus videos.
Video views on Twitter.
Views.
Yeah, I mean, that's...
Videos.
He's just beat us.
Like, I can't fight him anymore.
No, you can't.
Brandon, that was a good-ass saying, though.
It slid off the cracker.
That was some country shit that you must have picked up back at home.
Yeah.
Ever see that tweet about the redneck saying where the dude's like,
it could be raining titties, and with my luck, I'd look up and still catch a dick.
Fucking incredible.
I'd think of Brandon every time.
Slit off the cracker.
Like for white girls with no ass?
No, that's like you dip your cracker into the cheese,
and the cheese slides off.
That's a bad day.
So if the cheese slides off the cracker, that's not good.
It's just all cracker, no cheese.
What kind of cheese are you dipping it in?
Yeah, I don't know what kind of cracker.
No, you take the block cheese and then you just do straight cheddar and you just cut
you a square, put it on the cracker, and if it slides off, that's it.
I don't think that's ever slid off.
You can just hold them together with your two fingers.
I like to hold the sides of the crackers.
The block cheese, it's more of a pinch than a pinch.
You're not doing a pincer grasp? No, I like to hold the sides of the crackers. A good cheese, it's more of a pinch than a pinch. You don't do a pincer grasp?
No, I like to hold the sides of the crackers.
A good cheese has a little sweat on it.
It just sticks right away.
I don't hold the sides of the crackers.
That's why I hold.
Do your crackers vertically?
I like to hold the sides of the crackers.
The sides of the crackers.
So you're holding the side of the cracker, and then you dip it?
No, you don't dip.
Upside down, and then it slides off?
You're holding the sides of the cracker?
Are you dipping into solid cheese.
You did.
Yo, yo.
There we go.
All right.
You're going to be pissed it started so late.
Bro, you're acting like I wasn't watching on the way here.
That's exactly what you said he was going to do.
I mean, I knew you guys were going to do that.
Go along with it.
God damn it.
Hey, Sass.
What's up?
Get all that hair.
What?
Where'd you get all that hair?
Brandon, you've been gone for like three months.
Where'd you get all that hair?
It grows.
Why are you dressed like it's deep fall?
Like we're deep in the fall.
Because I'm low on clothes?
All right, let's get the boys some clothes. You want an Isringhausen jersey?
No.
It's just on the floor. Hey, what's in that boy some clothes. You want an Isringhausen jersey? No. Just on the floor.
Hey, what's in that book?
My Deepest and Darkest Secrets.
Can we read it?
No, absolutely not.
You put it right on.
You bring it and put it out.
You literally get to set it right there.
Yes, it gets to set it right there.
No.
Yes, yes.
No, no, keep it.
Keep it.
Oh, keep it, KB.
Oh, you guys noticed that? See, he's just like petting my hand. He's not even trying to get it. Oh, keep it, KB. Oh, you guys noticed that?
He's just like petting my hands.
He's not even trying to get it.
Quit it.
He's going to rip up his seat.
Quit it.
Don't rip it, Seth.
It's mine.
I said it was mine.
I want to turn with the book.
I want to read the book.
We read his Goblin Journal.
You weren't even using it.
We read the Goblin Journal.
You just sat down.
Because it gets destroyed if it's in my pocket. And now it's probably even more destroyed than it was before. All right, so we might as well even using it. You read the Goblin's Journal. You just sat down and you're just like. Because it gets destroyed if it's in my pocket.
And now it's probably even more destroyed than it was before.
All right, so we might as well just read it.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed you guys saw my bright red notebook.
Pockets are known for destroying pocket-sized notebooks.
You think this could fit in my fucking pocket?
You got to compare it to your wallet.
Sass does like to wrestle now.
He was like wrestling Tommy. He was
like bullying Tommy, dude. Were you bullying
Tommy? No! Physically, he
would come up to him and kind of like grab
him and do a kind of like middle school
forearm wrestle type of thing, dude.
It was sweet. We were sparring.
Friendly spar.
Let's read the book. How was L.A.?
L.A. was great.
I think that episode will come out really good.
It was very fun.
But I just had the worst shit of my life.
Like 30 minutes straight.
Just street tacos.
Yeah.
Pouring out of my ass.
Was it coming out in like...
Describe the terms.
It looks like the poop emoji.
Really?
So it was one...
That's nice.
That's a nice shit.
That's a log.
No, no, no. It was like a soft
screen. You look like a
grizzled vet in the
comedy scene. Yeah. Doesn't he?
Like a TV producer of some sort. You look like
it's Monday morning after you just
wrote a killer SNL.
Like in Central Park.
Oh!
Oh!
Robot.
The robot go. Oh, K happened to the robot? Robot. You got to do the robot.
Robot go.
Oh, KB doesn't like the robot.
He said no more robot.
What about my cheesesteak?
I went up and told her specifically, no robot, deliver it yourself.
I parted my cheesesteak on all the food apps.
That went down to sass.
Appreciate everyone who's bought.
Oh, are these fries?
There's one guy who complained about his cheesesteak under every single one of my tweets for the last two days.
And I just DM'd him and I was like, just send me your fucking Venmo, dude.
And I sent him $150 last night.
There we go.
Because I was like, we're not making the steaks exactly.
We aren't making the steaks.
Of course one might get screwed up.
So I told that guy, here's your $150.
He bought one cheese steak.
I feel like you overpaid.
Because it was so incessant.
He was responding to every single tweet.
Like, address this, address this, address this.
It's a bad order.
What do you want me to say?
So for those watching, if you want money out of big guys.
Yeah, just pay him.
He doesn't pay the same person twice. a bad order. What do you want me to say? So for those watching, if you want money out of Big Dad, just press it.
He doesn't pay the same person twice to just make
burners. Shit.
That's true. Fuck.
Nice.
Nice catch.
For my cheesesteaks.
I need one for lunch.
That actually is my lunch.
I've been banking on these every day this week.
One of the Buffalo chicken. I've been banking on these every day this week. One of the...
Oh, that's buffalo chicken.
I like the classic cheese.
I like the classic as well.
Is there more in there?
Just throw it back.
No.
There's no more in there?
No.
That's a nice game, too.
On the Most Dangerous Game Show, Sass is sneakily athletic.
He's nice at pool.
He's nice at swinging a baseball bat.
He's nice at throwing a football.
I knew he was nice at swinging a baseball bat.
You did that video last year, and he had a pretty good swing. Yeah, a football. I knew he was nice at swinging a baseball bat.
You did that video last year, and he had a pretty good swing. Yeah, he did.
I did, didn't I?
Yeah, you did.
He looks like Pee-wee Reese.
He can't eat a sandwich, but.
Not Pokey.
No, not Pokey.
I know.
Pee-wee.
The Dodger.
Vince Scully Dodged.
He did.
Mintz once called the game by himself.
Did y'all see that tweet?
Oh, the deleted Mintz tweet.
Deleted it, but.
No.
What happened? It was the Sistine Chapel of Mintz tweets. Yeah. No. What see that tweet? Oh, the deleted Mintz tweet? Deleted it, but... No! What happened?
It was the Sistine Chapel of Mintz tweets.
Yeah.
No!
What did he tweet?
I didn't see it.
He tweeted it and deleted it like 10 seconds later,
but it was...
What did it say?
Oh, here we go.
Look at this.
He's calling baseball games his entire career by himself.
Literally blows my mind.
I ripped some high school.
What?
Is this parody?
No, no, no, no.
No, that is not real. when that's real i was in office
it was tweeted it was screenshotted by travi runs the main account yeah they got dm'd to me like
five different times right when it happened how did he delete it did he know so he's becoming
self-aware no he takes everything to himself wait i but but is he becoming self-aware i want to know
what happened with oh it would have been put it want to know what happened. Oh, it would have been left up.
Put it back up.
I want to take a picture.
Yeah, it would have been left up.
Rest in peace to this legend.
The toughest feat he's ever accomplished, I also did.
But it was tough.
Absurdly tough.
Oh, my God.
Granted, I did it.
Easily, and I've moved on to bigger and better.
The other one that I saw, can you search Jeff Perlman on Twitter?
He had a great –
Yeah, you keep saying – who's this?
The great sports writer.
Okay.
No, you mentioned Perlman earlier.
He's written a lot of great sports books.
Okay.
The Winning Time documentary on HBO.
Sports books.
It's based on him.
Okay, yeah.
Mitch Albom.
Uh-huh level that lying
bastard let's say he's higher than mitch album but sure higher okay didn't mitch album what did
he lie about his height his height he definitely is tiny but he was like at uh some he like said
he was at there it is i was a young baseball writer covering a game at Dodger Stadium. I'm in the press box bathroom at a urinal.
One urinal over, Vince Scully, he pees, goes, ah, walks off.
I was giddy.
It was beautiful.
Ah, I've never heard.
100% true story.
Of course it's true.
The guy peed.
Jesus.
What a way to remember a legend.
Jesus.
I took a piss next to him.
That's a little Che-ish of a legend. Jesus. I took a piss next to him. That's a little Che-ish of a story.
That's like the scariest part of dying
is strangers claiming they knew
you. But you're dead.
Yeah, that is the scariest
part. I believe in life after death.
So then you can haunt them.
No. Yeah, that's what I'd do.
I would haunt their ass. I bet there are thousands
of IP next to Vin Scully stories though.
You think they're all like that?
You didn't think he had a private bathroom?
No, obviously he didn't at Dodger Stadium.
Was that guy
part of the press? He was, but
I just think over
a 60-year career, he peed next to
a lot of people. There's probably a lot of people
that have Vin Scully
pee stories.
Oh, wow!
Vin Scully was the longest. Now they're comparing. They're swapping Vin Scully P stories Probably not Oh wow we have Oh Another one
Vin Scully was
Longest
See now they're comparing
They're swapping Vin Scully P stories
That's great
Whole conversation
This is what the game's all about
Yeah
This is what baseball's all about
The most exciting thing that happened
And that definitely wasn't a long conversation
No
Probably 20 seconds
No no no no
What's the longest conversation you can have in a bathroom?
Nice cock?
Yeah sick cock.
Mind if I suck it?
That cock's not going to suck itself.
When you're done using that cock, can I?
Yeah.
Can I get a taste?
Are you going to finish that cock?
Oh, Kyle, there's the robot.
What is that?
What is that robot?
It's a delivery robot.
My Jesus.
Kyle's scared of the robot.
I'm not scared of it.
Why did you go request it and it didn't come in?
It's a glorified Hellcat RC.
What's wrong with that?
It's not a robot.
Bitch.
I don't like how it blinks.
So is a drone a robot?
Maybe I don't know what a robot is.
Robots can be small and tiny.
Robots can move on their own.
Anything could be a robot.
Input information.
I want another...
I want a...
This is what ruins the sneak.
They fill it up right there.
Do you think Kyle's about to have a...
Yeah, I'm not going to eat it now.
So, yeah, I'm going to eat one later, too.
I bet that's the run.
Are you actually going to eat it, Kyle? I'm going to the run now. I'm going to go get one. You're going to eat it now. So, yeah, I'm going to eat one later, too. I bet that's the run. Are you actually going to eat it, Kyle?
I'm going to go get one.
You're going to wear the fucking Isringhausen.
I'll get it later.
Fuck it.
It's fucking bullshit.
I'll pick up the Isringhausen.
Fuck you for giving me that gift.
Will you get me a steak and cheese?
What, dude?
I asked if you wanted it.
I didn't fucking...
You knew its fit was just slightly too big.
It's a regular.
I had a man exactly your size try it on to see if it would fit a little bit askew,
and then I texted you.
Yeah, my size, not my shape.
Are you worried the long last name will tighten your shoulders optically?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Someone said, stop worrying about your quads and start worrying about your traps,
and I've been ripping traps every day.
You have no traps or lats, so now I'm, yeah. He's right. I've been neglecting my day. You have no traps or lats.
He's right. I've been neglecting my traps.
Aren't traps super hard to grow?
Kinetics? Depends.
I have massive traps.
Yeah, you do.
That's a collar. I've always had an easy time growing the traps.
What are traps?
Are they these things? Yeah.
Steven's not getting me a cheesesteak.
He's not. He's getting me french fries.
Did you know KP's a black uncle? What? Yeah. Brock Lesnar. Steven's not getting me a cheesesteak. He's not. He's getting me french fries. Roan, did you know KP's a black uncle?
What?
Yeah.
Big development.
Oh, Zah, did you know that?
What does that mean?
He's a black uncle?
Breaking news.
Yeah.
Breaking news.
I am a black uncle.
You're black?
He has a nephew that is black.
Oh, come on, Roan.
His nephew's black.
You're an uncle to a black man.
Yeah, look at Zah's pumping his fist.
Let's go.
Fuck yeah.
You know he's down
for the cause.
What do you wear,
like a Stacey Adams suit
and a fucking Bluetooth?
Damn, huh?
That's how we converse
on Bluetooth.
Thank you.
That's a fucking fedora.
Oh, that's a buffalo
chicken cheese stick.
I want a regular cheese stick.
Fedora and like
a toothpick in?
Shit.
No, I guess give me
the fries.
Oh, damn it.
Let's give him the
fries.
It's socially
unacceptable to eat
these fries with like
a fork.
That's how you should
be eating them because
they're a little bit
smothered.
Cheesy.
A little bit cheesy.
The top layer is so
thick with some
genuine Philly cheese
whiz.
It's damn good.
Best cheese steak in the land. Brittany. It's great with cheese whiz. It's damn good. Best cheesesteak in the land.
Brandon.
He's great with cheesesteaks.
Watching stuff on Sling.
Oh, Brandon, yeah.
You know what you can watch on Sling?
The Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker.
College football is coming up.
You can access everything Sling has to offer for free for a limited time.
That's right.
Free live TV for three weeks.
Sign up and start watching in just five minutes.
I believe that goes until August 4th, which is tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
So you've got until then to go ahead and sign up
and get three weeks of live TV for absolutely free,
50 hours of DVR space.
Sling.com slash Barstool and watch free live TV today
for the next three weeks.
Yes.
The nicest comes out on Sling today.
Ooh.
Let's go.
Neighborhood each well.
The second, the nicest or the third?
It's not like seasons, but it's like the second group of five episodes.
Well, that's what I meant wrong.
I never said the word seasons.
I know.
That's why I was, because you said that.
It's the second, yeah.
It's the second batch.
Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
Sounds like you haven't been keeping up, Brandon.
I have.
I've been keeping up.
All that free time.
I'm sorry, but I was here Monday and Tuesday.
I was out.
What were you doing all weekend?
I was out working.
Yeah, you were working.
I was here Monday and Tuesday.
We had a vigorous schedule out in L.A.
What?
That's a weird word to
use vigorous vigorous vigorous vigorous that shit was vigorous i have no idea how many tacos do any
podcasts out there we did anyone else's yeah we weren't there for that long but it was vigorous
well the taco's good before they turned into shit? They were fantastic.
I would say that it was the highest floor of any street food.
Like, everything was good out there.
Yeah.
And the Chicago episode of Neighborhood Eats comes out, I think, today as well.
Oh, hell yes.
It was my personal favorite one that we've done.
Yeah, because he was high off fucking weed the entire time.
Oh.
Legalized marijuana.
Please, please. We were driving around around and he kept on playing that song
I smoke two joints in the morning
I smoke two joints at night
Yeah
Smoke two joints in the afternoon
It makes me feel alright
He was smoking two joints
I smoke two more
He had one of those
Khalifa fucking gas masks on
And he was just choking like a fucking black uncle Yeah we were listening to that when we were out in Venice Two more. He had one of those Khalifa fucking gas masks on,
and he was just choking like a fucking black uncle.
Yeah, but we were listening to that when we were out in Venice.
We were out in Venice last night,
and we went to the beach for the sunset right before our flight.
Did you have a date?
Tommy, Roan, you, Tommy, and Roan.
No, no, we had a crew.
Who?
A couple of LA boys.
Any other young boys?
Tom Mullins was out there. Young-ish. Young-ish Tyler. Young-ish. Tyler was out there.A. boys. Any other young boys? Tom Mullins was out there.
He's young-ish.
Young-ish.
Tyler, young-ish.
Tyler was out there.
Joey Clement, cameraman, young-ish.
Are you like the Yankees, Ron, where you're like, I don't want my boys with any facial hair?
I keep everyone real tight.
Yeah.
The one night we were sitting at a table at karaoke, and this lady came up to us and was like,
are you guys all male nurses?
I was like, dude, we do all look like male nurses.
Our entire crew, no facial hair.
Every one of us, too.
A man looks like male nurses.
We left karaoke early, though, before anyone could really get up and fight. What does she mean by male nurses?
Doctors?
Are you talking about surgeons? though before anyone could really get up and does she mean by male nurses doctors you kind of lost me it was on her it's that progressive liberal fucking they want to call doctors male nurses out of california it's some bullshit it's embarrassing dude i gotta get a
fucking cast on Yeah Yeah you do
Yeah
I had a
Does anyone hit you up about that?
When do you go to Europe?
I had someone hit me up about that
I don't know
Should I try and do it before Europe?
Should I try to align it so when I
When we go to Le Bernardin
I have a cast on
Yes
So I fine dine and some
Somebody has to feed me
Blaster
Yes
I'm just gonna do my left hand.
Maybe the week expires during the meal and you could take it off there.
Take it off.
Crack it.
Yeah.
I could soak it in the fucking ice that they serve us the clams in.
When you mean left hand.
Those Jews.
Oh, like on the floor.
Jews dipped in beef.
Awful.
Beef sauce.
Oh, those Jews.
Yeah.
Yeah, you like those the most, don't you?
Some of those Jews.
Arby's got
the best of those Jews.
Brandon, do you think that you do well
in here? Do you have a...
Have we spun it? This is air repair. Oh, no, that's
the punishment.
That'll be the punishment. When it lands on me,
two people will... I would love to do that.
You would? Is there anybody that.
You have to pay.
Oh, we have to pay for ourselves.
Let me tell you something, guys.
Brandon's got a Mercedes or a BMW.
No, it's a Mercedes.
I thought you had a BMW.
I thought you got the wife of BMW.
I go with a Mercedes.
Oh, really?
GLS 450 2022.
I'm sure you got your wife a BMW.
Wait, is that.
What? Is that a sports car? Is that my car? It's definitely. It is. Oh, I don't think so your wife a BMW. Wait, is that? What?
Is that a sports car?
Is that my car?
It's definitely.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, yes.
What the fuck?
That's my car.
It is not.
Mine's bigger.
You got the same car?
I have a GLS 450.
Show, show.
Yes, that's my car.
Okay, well, that's.
You fucking copy my.
And I remember the day that we were coming back from a college football show,
and you're like, that's a nice car.
You motherfucker.
That's my wife.
You've stolen my life.
I didn't steal your life.
You complimented my car, and then you went and got it.
You have a nice car.
Motherfucker.
You had a BMW.
You'll go to no end.
I went to the Mercedes dealership in Paramus, and on the showroom floor was a beautiful blue SUV.
I don't like the color blue, but it was beautiful on the showroom floor.
I said, I want that for my wife.
That looks like Big Cat's car going to get it.
That's the same jump Reggie made.
You remember when you complimented it.
I remember it was the airport.
You remember complimenting it.
Yes.
But I saw your car.
My car is bigger than your car.
No.
Remember your car.
Yours is 350.
No, it's not.
Mine's bigger than your car.
No, it's not. I got a bigger car. I'll literally show you. It's a 450. It's not mine's bigger than your car no it's not
i got a bigger car i literally show you it's a 450 it's not a four how many rows is it i mean
we could i got three rows but it's so it is but they don't make two different sizes 2021 though
right no i think it's 2022 oh there's no chance yes i got him a guy last summer. I got mine in May. You are...
Something else.
He's trying to take everything from me.
He did specifically
compliment my car.
I love that car.
I saw your car one time. There's no chance.
I love those shoes.
I'm wearing Air Maxes now that are dirty.
I don't...
You stopped wearing Jordan.
You got my car. It's a nice car. I didn't. You stopped wearing Jordan. You got my car.
It's a nice car.
I didn't know it was your car.
You want my life.
I thought you had a Mercedes.
I didn't know you had an exact car.
I got to tell him I don't want your life.
I did think you got a BMW.
I tried a BMW.
Then he saw what I was driving.
He didn't say that, didn't he?
He threw us off the trail.
We're talking about getting a BMW, but then she didn't really like it as much.
He's like, well, what's Big Cat?
You drove by Big Cat's house and you didn't see the BMW in his garage.
Say it.
Say it.
Say what?
Say you don't want my life.
I don't want your life.
I don't want your life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
Wait, how did the wheel wind up on wet yesterday?
I thought we had a reset.
Okay, did you see that we had a shitty wet wheel yesterday?
What happened? It reset it, and then it came out. Then a reset. Did you see that we had a shitty wet wheel yesterday? What happened?
It reset it, and then it came out.
Then he took a shit during the show.
We got a wet wheel again.
We had a dirty wet wheel.
Landed on Kate.
Glennie went into the bathroom immediately before it landed on her.
Was in there for 15 minutes.
Took a shit.
Kate got wet.
This time all the shit went in the toilet.
He threw a white shirt.
He's been eating a lot of Naya.
He's been eating a garlicky.
Did it smell garlicky? It didn't go in. It didn't go in. Or the quip. He's been eating a lot of Naya. He's been eating the garlicky. Does it smell garlicky?
We didn't go in.
We didn't go in.
Or the quip.
He's been eating ninjura.
Yes.
Naya's great.
It is great, but it's garlicky.
He's been having a lot of tzatziki sauce.
Yeah.
Secreting tzatziki sauce.
Yeah, it's been.
That backs Glennie up.
We all know that.
That's an untold office secret.
What, Brandon?
What?
There's Glennie.
I wasn't trying to copy you.
I was trying to buy my wife a nice car.
That is so...
Woo God.
That's his hand rest.
That's the closest I've ever seen them before.
Yeah, Rivelino.
What's her name?
Rivelino?
Is that the big one?
Rivelino does the line test
to see if you're a man. Oh, fuck.
It was green line test.
What did
Glennie say? His mom made him promise not to
take a sex tape. And then Kyle said
the same thing yesterday.
He's going to break that promise.
Glennie's a chase guy. I don't think Glennie's
making a sex tape. He doesn't fuck.
I'd watch a Glennie sex tape.
We actually had this conversation yesterday.
Yeah.
We all said we would.
Not only would I watch it, I'd probably pay for it.
Yeah.
And someone was like, that's like the one thing Glennie could do to have me.
Yeah, boys.
Woof, woof, woof.
Go back to it real quick.
You would watch a Glennie sex tape?
Right now?
I'd buy it, but I think that people would make fun of him, though.
People would be like, I could fuck better than that.
Instead of just being like, he's a legend, he has a sex tape,
he's maximized his potential in this earthly vessel.
What a guy.
Did Glennie live a better life?
No.
I think the only answer is Ben Mintz.
He's been dealt.
Ben Mintz is the only life better than Glennie's. Yeah, that's true. It's like Ben Mintz, Glennie, a better life? No. I think the only answer is Ben Mintz. With the card he's been dealt. Ben Mintz is the only life better than Glennie's.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
It's like Ben Mintz, Glennie, and Stephen Che.
Those are the three lives.
It's the same size.
Glennie could blossom into Ben Mintz, though. It could be like he could be what's like a middling Pokemon that blossoms into like a bigger Pokemon.
Loom?
What's their final form?
Vileplume?
Yeah, he could go from gloom to Vile Plume.
That's what I was thinking, too.
Nick, you had a close call last night.
All right, so we're sitting at the fucking Yankees game.
You guys went down to see the Yankees?
Yeah.
Yeah, how'd it go?
It was one of the weirder things I've ever seen.
We had a whole aisle.
There were five seats, maybe eight seats to the left of me.
And this guy comes down and just sits directly next to me
Just like it's like so stiff. He's like reaching into his pocket. I thought he's just gonna put a coin on my thigh
No, he just did that and he was down there for like 30 seconds and just stood up and walked away nothing
Didn't say anything not a word that his boys were taking pictures from the distance.
That's what I think was happening.
He was pranking the boys. I think he had a coin.
I think he told the boys, I'm going to go sit next to him and not even say anything.
Yeah, grab a picture.
I forgot my chapstick.
I think he saw how chapped I was.
We were legitimately, we were in the middle of the road.
There were six seats beside Nick that were empty.
He walked past five of them and sat beside Nick.
For just a short period of time.
For like an inning.
Oh, yeah. That's bullshit. He had out on the coin yeah he had a coin if he pulled it out it would have been brilliant though it was like scary just like rested right on my slow motion he was he was
working you got to act really brave about kissing people so they are scared to pull out the correct
if we act scared then they'll kind of it's like looking at at a bear like we're all prepared to
kiss that's what i mean we have to be prepared to kiss. That's what I mean.
We have to be prepared to kiss and be outwardly prepared.
We were kissing each other there.
I bought a cold sore prosthetic to wear out.
You can kiss me.
I don't give a fuck.
One slid underneath a bathroom stall.
Oh, yeah.
Remember in Batman Returns when Robin has two pieces of...
The anti-poison lips or something.
Anti-poison lips or some shit like that.
We got to start wearing some anti-poison lips.
Did he reach into his pocket?
So that was in Batman and Robin.
Oh, he reached into his pocket.
He had the coin.
He was acting very weird.
He had the coin.
He wasn't just sitting there because there were so many extra seats to the left.
He came all the way next to me.
If someone reached into their pocket next to me, I'd be shooting them like
the end of Crash.
Stand your ground.
KB stands his ground.
Hypothetically, though, if someone has a coin
and they see, like,
was it all three of you guys?
Oh, yeah.
Can they kiss everyone?
TJ was there as well.
Oh, he can kiss everyone?
Because they're all different people?
Yeah.
But he also hypothetically used all four kisses on one person.
No.
No.
One kiss per event.
Per person.
I think it's actually per life.
He could have, no.
No, if you have a coin and you see me and we kiss, I'm not kissing you again.
You've kissed someone else.
Yeah, it's for life.
You can't see me 20 years from now.
I'm going to be like, dude, we already kissed.
Do we keep the coin when they give it?
What's the penalty unless
they've reached all seven kisses?
Have a competition and see who has the most.
If they reach all seven kisses, they get a bigger coin.
It's like platinum.
Then they get sucked.
It's like a punch card.
It's the Monopoly game for McDonald's.
I was pretty sure we discussed it before.
If they have a coin, they get to pick one of us.
No, no, no.
I think they can kiss all of us.
I think it's one kiss per life.
Look who's fucking scared to kiss.
I'm trying to get the rules straight.
You're going to be hard to find.
You're going to be the rare one.
They'll never complete their Pokedex.
Like a feebass. What if someone steals two the rare one. They'll never complete their Pokedex. Like a Feebas.
Rare.
What if someone steals two kisses from the same person?
What's their penalty?
What if they get a kiss and they steal another one?
We get your coin.
That's shame on the kissy, I think.
You've got to be more attentive.
What if we like the kiss and we go in for a second one?
Does that count as an unfair play?
I'm afraid my leg's going to pop.
Yeah.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about this kissing thing, too,
I'm kind of happy that Brandon's stolen my life.
He's like the empty helicopter.
It's a car.
It's a fucking car.
When the president has three helicopters in the air.
It's like the Italian job.
Yeah, someone's going to be following Brandon and think it's me
and just be like, oh, shit.
All right, I guess I've got to kiss you.
I appreciate that.
You've done me a solid.
Wear a mustache, Brandon.
I bought my wife a beautiful car.
I'm very proud.
BMW.
I've seen her driving it.
Doesn't she look good in it?
Three airbags in the front.
Brandon, real quick question.
Does she wear her seatbelt diagonally across?
I've seen her.
Seatbelt titties.
Seatbelt titties.
Beep, beep, beep it.
Beep, beep. Seatbelt titties. Seatbelt titties. Beep, beep, beep it. Beep, beep.
Seatbelt titties.
Honk, honk.
Is this the same one or is this a different one?
That's the same one.
Where'd they go?
What the fuck?
We're so mad right now.
Get the fuck out of here.
Unhand those titties.
How would my tits look on her body?
The same?
Let's see that.
Move your mic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, put his tits on her.
Let's put Nick's cock.
I don't mind those shaped titties.
Zoom in yet.
Zoom in on his.
And then put them.
Camera zoom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just titties.
We're getting there.
Oh, this is going to be fucking awesome.
Oh, my God.
This is going to rock.
Those look decent.
Boys!
Boys, boys, boys!
Yep.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Up a little bit.
Up a little bit.
Nope.
Oh.
He's figuring it out.
Maybe erase the torso, too, so it's just the tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tighten it out. Maybe erase the torso, too, so it's just the tits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tighten that up.
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
Hey, yo.
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
Hey, yo.
I'm rock hard.
I'm brick hard.
Yo, I'm brick hard.
The bass keeps running, running, running, running.
In this context, there's no disrespect.
I'll break your mind.
You break your neck.
Yo, what, bro?
This is so hot, bro.
No one jerk off to that.
Wait, so where's the other girl at, though?
The one that is dressed like JonBenet.
He's under the table, yeah.
Cody just does the interview as long as he can last. So typically what we do is I'll talk to one of you,
and one of you will suck my cock.
Act normal, like however you would normally suck cock.
Yes, boys.
Yes, boys.
This is some good old-fashioned fun with the boys.
You think they could flag us?
You could suck my cock, and if you're not comfortable, cut whatever you want.
I'll send it to you.
We can cut whatever.
Fucking Glennie goes down for some Harvey Weinstein shit.
These girls are ravenous to get one on the table.
It's like, do you see that article this morning about people paying $50,000 to be on podcasts?
Yes.
Where the fuck?
Where's that at?
Why hasn't?
Why don't?
Because that's a faster way to get to the slush fund.
Yeah, why aren't people paying me?
Yeah, you should be able to get some kind of.
The only person we ever asked for an interview that demanded pay is Pete Rose,
which made sense.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You have to honor that.
Some things to cover.
We had to pay sass.
That was like laughing like it was true.
Not paid.
I didn't love that laugh.
That was an aggressive laugh.
It wasn't a lot of money.
It was the best they could do, though.
We scraped some together.
This is it?
This is it.
Why don't I put you on a payment plan?
They say who?
Give me an example.
No, they said that nobody knows who, and it's like...
Or actually, I just read the headlines.
So, I mean, it would have to be a gigantic podcast.
And it's probably also...
I would imagine it's not actually famous people.
It's like...
It could be people that suck on podcasts.
The Gary Vee type.
By the way, I found a new Gary Vee that I fucking...
I don't know if you guys saw.
I went to war with him.
Another one?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, the millionaire guy.
Steve on Speed, he is...
Man, do I not like this guy.
What's not to like?
I kind of like him.
I like following him just because it's fun to like get my blood boiling.
He just brags about being off the grid
while tweeting it constantly.
Yeah.
Chet Hanks has gone full Gary V.
Yeah, like...
Most of you guys have been keeping in touch.
Like so many people have this guy.
Keep going.
What did he say?
He's just retweeting.
Like, if you're afraid to be alone, you're more like he's just.
You know who always likes threads like this?
My boy, Will Compton.
Yes, dude.
I see that every time.
Every single day.
He's like in a wise.
Better do this.
He brought.
So he bragged because I, I, I brought him new followers, brought in a ton of new followers
over the last two days.
Welcome aboard.
I quit work at 35 after achieving financial independence.
Today I live in an off-the-grid home and love every minute of it.
Welcome to the healthy addiction.
By the way, his off-the-grid home looks like it fucking sucks.
It looks miserable.
Also, watch this.
I had him so rattled, so I started quote-tweeting him,
and then he blocked me.
And you can see his retweets.
I think it was yesterday.
Keep going down. This guy, Steveve on speed that tweets a lot that's a new thing people become financially independent and they like go live in
like bora bora alone and then they just tweet about it and post about it constantly right
they're not out off the grid you're not off the grid they're all like they're not they're alone
they're alone in a foreign country in their own nest.
They're all, yeah.
These guys are all so close.
What was it?
Go up there?
Go up.
The best way to be miserable?
Oh, the best way to be miserable is by letting others live rent-free in your head.
That was right after he blocked me.
Yeah.
Then he unblocked me, so I'm back in.
Wait, so he was miserable?
Is he saying you're miserable because you live rent-free, or is he miserable because you're...
I don't know.
Who's miserable?
I'm happy.
What were the responses to that tweet?
I'm happy.
And also someone...
What was that one with 33K?
What is this?
Yes.
Legendary.
Yes.
I can't hurt you anymore.
Yeah, this guy. i'm beyond him needed to see this i'm gonna be on him yes holy shit can i what's his house like where did you see his house oh if you keep tweeting
he tweeted it's like in the desert that's what he blocked me it's like a two-bedroom ranch in
the desert i sold him i sold him my property. Yeah, I was about to say that. He said, like, this is my house.
Like, it's so great living off the grid.
And I quote you, and I was like,
you're so off the grid, you went on the grid
to tell us how off the grid you were.
And then he blocked me.
Took a photograph of his house.
Real.
Steve on speed.
Couldn't handle it.
Couldn't handle it.
Can't handle the truth.
It's crazy when someone's significant other like that
has to be so ride or die
and just gets dragged into, dragged into a full lifestyle change.
That's a big...
I'm just going to take a shot in the dark, too.
If you constantly brag about how awesome your life is,
it seems like something might be wrong.
I'm just going to say it.
Yeah, but then if they build up a big enough following,
they can sell their life course.
Right, but if you're constantly trying to confirm to everyone,
like, I'm good, I'm great.
This guy has the stars in the top four important
things in his life. The stars?
The stars. Well, there's his house.
I kind of want to talk to Steve on Speed because he's
like, I actually wouldn't
mind trying to see if Steve on Speed
could get on the 10X program, see where he could take
this. Yeah. Dude, that guy's a
billionaire. Grant Cardone?
Grant Cardone? Oh, yeah. yeah i saw some he was on some podcasts
talking money and i was like that's our boy have that go to that that clip of his daughter
makes you laugh every time oh yeah it's unreal when i was 10 i had no i had no direction in life
yeah what the fuck me and kyle saw a homeless kid in Nashville.
We're just like, every kid's homeless.
Yeah.
Go back.
True.
Got a sign.
He's like, I have no job.
No home.
Yeah, no shit.
You're 10.
Yeah.
Oh, it would have been so good.
Give us the Sheldon Brown lighting up.
I just saw that this morning.
Sheldon Brown hitting Reggie Bush?
Yeah.
I don't know why it was on my Twitter, but it was.
I think it was like 20 years ago.
Steven, do you think any of the scouts were like,
this guy's got wide receiver speed?
Steven not paying attention again?
Yeah, do you think any of the scouts were like,
man, this guy's got – he doesn't run track, but he's got track speed.
I did send the clip to someone that can make those decisions. Flew it out of the scouts were like, man, this guy's got he doesn't run track, but he's got track speed. I did send the clip to someone that can make
those decisions. Flew it out of the cuts.
I would have loved to see you on press
man and cornerbacks on an island
just you against him. No safety
help. Can you beat him?
Probably not.
I have a question for Stephen.
You go first.
Steven, if you played in a CFL game with all the starters on the field and you did ten routes, do you think you would catch a pass?
Is the ball being thrown to me?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
How many receptions would you have?
We know statistically.
You would get one.
Four times, you only got one.
No.
So two and a half.
That was take, I believe that was take four.
So two out of four.
I mean, you have to get open to catch the ball.
One of them was uncatchable.
You have to get open.
A little bit.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I thought, like, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I'm being targeted every time.
You're in the game, yeah.
Here's maybe an easier question to answer here.
And I want your dead, dead truth.
Is there a 0% chance you'll ever play in an NFL game?
Never say never.
It's under 1%, right?
Should have called Caleb.
He actually thinks this, though.
You think it's under 1% chance that you'll suit up?
Not play, but just suit up.
What's the percentage?
Very low.
Extremely low.
Yeah, I would say very low.
Like what?
5%?
No, way lower.
In the zeros.
Okay.
But what needs to happen, though?
Let's map it out just in case we can go down that path of life.
Choose your own adventure.
What needs to happen?
Everyone needs to get injured.
Part of the male population needs to be wiped out.
Yeah, World War III.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Everyone's got to be fighting a war somewhere.
Replacement players like the Seagulls.
Yeah, you're the league of their own.
Yeah.
So say like Tampa Bay is nuked.
Instead of a league of their own,
it's like, no, we're not going to do female football.
We're just going to have Stephen Che play.
Remake a league of their own.
The Rockford Peaches.
Guys with glasses, that'll never work.
Stephen plays every position.
That would be fucking sweet.
You do believe this.
That shit could happen with Pelosi going to Taiwan, dude.
I think that that's all on the table, dude.
Che didn't understand that sentence.
No, Zawas was tracking her flight flight but i don't know what is uh is that what's what's good wagwan
i was trying to figure out uh the flight path they took yesterday with uh with the no fly zones and
all because they were flying missiles over there right yeah what type of time is she on dude
nancy pelose, over in Taiwan.
Do they have guns over there or is it umbrellas?
I really thought they had guns, but then they fight everything with umbrellas.
Or rocks.
A lot of rocks in these t-shirts. Are they strapped up?
But I thought that they had guns.
Now that Victor Boots is out, maybe he'll be getting them the guns.
Who's Victor Boots?
Victor Boots, the dude we traded Brittany Griner for.
I don't think we traded her.
Oh, we did?
One for one?
Two for one.
We also got another guy who's like a spy who's like...
We got two?
We got two.
We got a good trade.
We're like, he's not a spy.
And it's like, well, then why have they been holding him for all these years?
Is he a good prospect?
I don't know.
He might have red hair, so...
So we traded an arms dealer, right?
We traded away.
In future picks?
That would be so funny if we did future picks.
Future prisoner?
Yeah, future prisoner.
Got to be a third rounder.
That would be sweet as fuck.
Is she like fully home?
I don't think so.
Is it in the works?
I think this trade is on paper type of deal.
It's in the tampering period.
Anybody have a no trade clause?
Anything like that?
I think that was the problem was that she had to waive hers so we could
get Victor Boop.
What do you think her first move is going to be when she gets back?
Smoke a fatty, dude.
Take a massive dab, Rip.
I'm going to save no money.
We got to get that dude back.
We got to get her on some podcast.
You just called her dude?
Get her on some podcast. You just called her dude. What? Get her on some podcast.
Get that bro back in here.
You think that we can pay her $50,000 to come in here and wrestle Kyle?
Would you wrestle Griner?
That would be a fascinating.
She's paying to come.
People are paying to go on podcasts, right?
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, yeah.
Griner fought heterophobic claims at Baylor.
Swear to God.
He got accused of bullying the straight teammates.
No way.
That's kind of badass.
She's 6'9"?
Yeah.
6'8", I believe.
Is that like Rodney?
What?
Sass doesn't know anything about any sports.
I'm almost positive she's 6'8".
He's an NBA junkie.
Okay.
Because she's been in the news for the last fucking...
However long.
She hasn't been playing.
Yeah, it's like the biggest thing people say about her.
Oh, she's tall as fuck.
6'8", Brittany Griner.
Skyscraper.
Doesn't this dude really look like he's...
Oh, wow, I was wrong.
Wow.
That's never happened.
That's really...
What a surprise.
He looks like a grizzled comedian.
He does.
A very successful one.
His whole demeanor has changed.
Page Six snaps a photo of him with Jennifer Aniston in Central Park.
He doesn't give a fuck right now.
He doesn't.
He's definitely grizzled, just eating chicken tenders in green rooms all on the road.
He looks like you're going to walk down the street with Alec Baldwin
and get caught yelling at some taxi driver.
That would be fun.
You're also housing these fries.
I'm hungry as fuck.
Did you just have a terrible experience?
Yeah, because everything in my body left itself, so now I've got to replenish.
You want to have another experience like that?
Why don't you have some of that salt water?
There's Tommy.
Me and Tommy.
His demeanor has changed, too.
What's going on?
He's wildly successful now.
Yeah, okay, you guys can make fun of me.
Look, there's Tommy.
Today, Roan wrote...
I was wrong.
He said I was wrong.
Yeah.
Unprompted.
Roan was first class on the flight.
It was incredible.
This is booked by Barstool.
Keep in mind.
He deserves it.
I was 49F
and Tommy was 48B.
They said that we could all
sit next to each other
and row 20
or I could have first class
and you could be at the very back.
Rome was in the Uber
going home
before me and Tommy
got off the plane.
Literally.
When we were in San Antonio,
they just put KB
in a different hotel.
He was like down, way down.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Like, you're going to get lost.
We might as well just jumpstart the process.
It was a significantly worse hotel.
It was, yeah.
Here's a view of the river.
That was amazing.
They wanted to punish you because you wander.
But not all that wander are lost, though, bro.
He is. This was also one of those big-ass plans. So, not all that wander are lost, though, bro. He is.
This was also one of those big-ass plans.
So, Rowan had, like, a pod.
Oh, yeah.
I was walking in, and he, like, rolled down his window to, like, say hi to me.
I'm flying first class to Alaska for our video at the end of this month.
Hell, yeah.
Yeah, just me.
Fuck, yeah.
Not Kyle?
No.
Why not?
We got our tickets, and that's how the cookie crumbled.
You requested it.
You said you have a severe phobia.
Yeah.
It worked.
I read the employee handbook.
Over an eight-hour flight, you get a bed guaranteed in a flight.
Oh.
I refuse to read that.
Oh, Zos, so bad.
A handbook?
Yo, we flew 16 hours in the middle seat going to Zimbabwe to shoot the Donnie video.
Read the handbook, dork.
I wish I knew that.
Didn't you write the handbook, Zos? I think you were in charge of that. Something like that. I was in the middle seat going to Zimbabwe to shoot the Donnie video. Read the handbook, dork. I wish I knew that. Didn't you write the handbook, Sal?
I think you were in charge of that.
I was.
You told me when you were giving me my mid-year review.
I had to do mid-year reviews.
I logged on to the Zenefits, which I'd never done before.
I gave Jake his review and then I had to give Billy.
But I didn't realize it got sent to him.
Oh, no.
But it was great because I did Jake first. It was like, this has been sent to Jake Marsh. And then I had to give Billy, but I didn't realize it got sent to him. But it was great because I did Jake first
and it was like, this has been sent to Jake Marsh.
And then I was like, oh, great. Billy.
Fuck you, dude.
I just went ham on him.
Did we all get a review? Should've.
I'll review you.
I got an email that they're coming up.
I don't think I'm going to get one.
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so support him that's right i'm gonna be in the building i'm going yeah i'm not gonna be there
because i'm going to pat's wedding my My boy with the big nut. Somebody's locking him down.
All that nut?
All that nut?
Yeah.
Does he have a little mini tuxedo for his nut?
They're using that as the pillow for the ring bearer.
Damn, dude.
What a lucky lady.
I know.
All that nut.
I know.
He's going to be bouncing on that thing.
Special woman.
Off the block
you think he's gonna get it drained
now that he's tied down
no
no he said it's bigger
and I'm gonna see this weekend
he sits on it like an ergonomic
office chair
it's like a tuffet
yeah
at a Jewish wedding
do we spin the wheel
yeah
no
tomorrow
tomorrow Big Cats Wild
featuring Zah
that's just gonna be
fucking sick.
That'll be a long episode.
We're going to go long.
We're going to go deep.
I was out when it landed on this.
Zah is the permanent competitor now.
He's like an all-time QB.
Love that.
Please let it fucking be LeBron Arden, dude.
I'm dying to get over there.
Two people coming to a fucking gourmet ass meal.
Don't you need a reservation like two months in advance?
We'll make the reservation as soon as we know
who the foursome is.
And of course, it's me and you.
I've tried to get a reservation there for my mom
and I couldn't do it.
Really?
You can get them like today.
I don't know.
There are open ones on Open Table.
I heard Mincy got one really easily.
He knows the fuck.
He knows Eric Riper.
Yeah.
Clee Pell.
I already have one. Let's go. easily. He knows the fuck. He knows Eric Riper. Yeah.
Let's go.
What's on your shirt?
Florida Stanley from The Office.
We've been getting so close to double ritz.
I like it.
You had a shirt like this?
I just saw your shirt.
You do have Texas Tech gear though, Big Head.
I remember you blessed all of us. I took this out of your pile.
He took that from my pile.
That's not copying.
That's just stealing.
Brandon wore shorts backwards yesterday.
I did not wear my shorts backwards.
Why was there a drawstring in the back?
My pockets were facing the front.
Why was the logo on the back and the drawstring on the back?
My pockets were facing the front.
I can wear them tomorrow.
It was worse.
He was wearing shorts that were not reversible but backwards.
They have strings on the front and the back.
They had strings on the back.
All strings on the front and back.
Strings on the front and back.
Only Mississippi State shorts are like that.
Strings on the back?
They had strings on the back.
These shorts, you can't put them on wrong.
Not like a ripcord?
Pockets.
Velcro sneakers?
The pockets were facing that way.
Yeah, but that's so things don't fall out.
Right.
If I put them on backwards, they would fall out.
Oh, there was two groins and two drawstrings.
They were fine.
I enjoyed them.
Damn, what are they for?
Why are they built like that?
I don't know.
Nobody else has shorts like that.
Nobody else has shorts like that.
We do owe a double Ritz, by the way.
What?
Yeah, we were waiting for KB to come back
I will
Wait so we spin for tomorrow?
No I will make the double ritz part of tomorrow
Should we do that?
Wow Zah's getting fucked
That makes me want to puke
It's not for Zah
Oh no before someone else
Zah will be making it
So we'll do it all tomorrow
Yeah
We could do a double ritz like it's the daily
double in Jeopardy. We don't know
when it's going to happen. Yes. Yes.
It's going to be a great show tomorrow.
Damn.
Patty the Batty loved it, Double Ritz. We all here?
Loved it. Everybody's here tomorrow?
I'm out, Katen. Oh, no.
I was going to have to break it to Francis.
I'll be using the chat, please.
Where are you going, Owen? Francis Fleming. Frankie? I have to break it to Francis. Where are you going on?
Francis Fleming.
Frankie, I have to speak at something in the morning,
and then I'm heading to the beach.
I went speaking to the interns, I believe.
Wait, so am I.
Oh, I did that.
Yeah, that was when they were like,
is anybody important going to be in the crowd?
No, but I remember the interns were very weird
because they started asking questions,
and then it got weirder
and weirder.
They were like,
what are your kids' names?
And like,
what are your,
you're moving to Chicago,
can we come?
And I was like,
who, what?
What kind of car
do you drive?
I have one.
Actually, now I'm thinking
about it.
What are you doing in here?
I think it was just
Brandon's question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just put the interns
up to it.
So that cologne you've got.
Ask him what type of socks he has.
It was an impractical joker's.
Brandon was in the control room.
Scouting daycares.
Brandon, so are you back in New York?
Yeah.
Well, he's waiting to see where Dan goes.
For a year, yeah.
But you had Mississippi hair when you were in Mississippi,
and now you've got New York hair.
Funny how that works.
You just left your pomade back here?
I actually did.
Yeah.
Were they bullying you down there?
No, they weren't bullying me down there.
They loved me down there.
They confiscate your pomade when you cross the border.
Oh, shit.
Are you gay?
You got drugs-sucking dogs.
Listen,
it'll be way better
if you just tell us up front.
The evidence room
of all their police departments
is just grooming products.
Oh, fuck, KB.
KB's been trying
to get to the end of this show
so he can crush this cheesesteak.
We're going to go long tomorrow so we can end it whenever today.
Tomorrow's going to be a good one.
I've got a lot of planning I've got to do.
Yeah, how much is left to do?
What percentage are you in?
We have a lot.
You have a lot.
You have a lot of fucking weird brains, dude.
We have a lot.
There's already some danger involved tomorrow.
Oh, no.
Danger. Danger. What's the theme danger involved tomorrow. Oh, no. Danger. Danger.
What's the
theme as far as soundtracks? What kind of
vibe are we setting? Here's what I'll say is I
I
Spider's been working here for a very long time.
He's my guy. I love him.
I asked him to get something today that
is the weirdest thing I've asked him to get. I don't know if you can get
it in the city. Yeah. He can get
anything. He will get it. He will get it.
He will get it.
What was it?
No, we're not telling.
Tell.
No, it's part of the allure.
Bill.
Uh-uh.
Don't want to ruin the allure.
Uh-uh.
My favorite Spider-Erin story is one time he was walking back with a life-size battle sword
from medieval times, and he got halfway back to the office before he realized it was illegal
and that it was a weapon.
He was walking around with it. illegal and that it was a weapon.
To like hop into a cab.
Shit.
Alright. Should we end it? Sure.
Good to see you guys all back.
Yeah great to see the boys.
Tomorrow Big Cat's Wild. KB's Wild featuring Big Cat featuring Zah.
Presented by Nick. Yes.
It's gonna be great. It's gonna be fucking
great. See everyone tomorrow.
I'm sorry.
I keep bringing up your wife's tits.
I've got to suck on those things.
All right.
All right.
All right. It's the act. It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankees love. It's the act.
It's the act.