The Yak - KB's Leaving FURIOUS Yelp Reviews | The Yak 12-13-23
Episode Date: December 13, 2023Look her upYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, pull that up.
Yo.
Hello, it's the Yak.
Go to roback.com right now.
Use code Yak.
20% off.
Jeff D'Lo, get in here.
Come here.
Jeff, Jeff. Jeff.
Hey.
Jeff.
Jeff.
Jeff.
Hey. Jeff. That was me. The windows. That was me. Come here. Jeff. Jeff. Hey. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Hey.
Jeff.
That was me.
The windows.
That was me.
Come here.
The yak.
You think you did that?
Promo code yak.
I think that was me.
Roback.com.
Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, everything.
Our doors are closed because they're building up the surviving bar stool set.
Yeah.
So that's why Jeff couldn't hear us.
Jeff.
I kind of like the doors closed brandon why are you
yeah you're out of breath yeah you're just you're you're a good vibe right now oh you didn't sleep
very well last night no i didn't sleep at all you walked in and said hey yeah why didn't you sleep
well i didn't get home till 12 30 yeah the yak christmas special is going to be must watch it was i guess i would say it might be like the most pure like
cut yak possible yeah there was like it's it's colombian white yeah like it couldn't be more
like just arguing about the dumbest yeah you guys at home are gonna fucking hate yeah
exchange that can't be figured out in any simple form just everything uh jeff
hello what's up i have to admit i got got i got i got i got and i was on the show a lot of like
quigs's cohorts got like trey like people who edit quigs like that yeah people who edit advisors got
got and that's when you know it's pretty good can you can you pull up the clip or the pro it's maybe the one that uh kirk or kevin tweeted um i got
caught i was i actually had changed my entire perception of jeff d lowe's human being for about
an hour this morning i got caught only because kfc got god which forced me to get god crazy how
much noise there is in this fucking building right now.
I'm sure people can hear it.
I'm very sorry.
Yeah, it sounds bad.
Sounds like a scream.
Is it a scream?
I got to break the fourth wall.
This is fucking crazy.
Oh, my God.
Caroline, anything?
What the fuck?
Should we?
Oh, we already have a friend.
So I thought Jeff was literally just living like in a in squalor hoarder style yeah that's
oh that's not real not real that it an employee at the company that is his bedroom
yes is that who a guy andrew augustus kirk's producer but yeah well it's i i recall that's
his bedroom yeah it's his half of the. I believe his wife's side is cleaner. Yeah. What? What?
Yeah, split down the middle from the middle of his bed.
I mean, this...
Recently married.
I like how you are not...
You're not shocked by any of this because you know it.
It's like par for the course for Augustus.
But, yeah, his half of the bed split down the middle to his side of the room is like a mess.
But that had no floor.
That was all like blanket and...
Yeah, that's...
I thought... When I watched that video, I should have probably realized what I was watching.
But for a second there, I thought Jeff was like literally just sitting like cross-legged style at the head of his bed.
Yes.
And then he got up.
Look, that's all bed.
It's all bed.
But it's so messy.
It does.
It's deceptive.
It's repulsive like andrew
augustus how many people got caught by it a lot of people it's i've never seen so many people
duped that's almost worse i only knew because you replied to quakes's tweet can you show the real
one can you show the real one real one's a very nice apart yeah it's it's kind of similar it's
like it is in like a bedroom i put that screen up you nick actually reacted like oh wow there's like stuff yeah i had no idea i
thought you were just in like a studio i i was dumb wigs is the best he's just it's also a very
deep cut too it's like not many people know that yeah i feel like we just brushed over the wife's
side of the room yeah is there is there a photo of that yeah i don't think there is. I think I'm getting that story right, but it's crazy.
Why don't they have the same room?
No, that's how it should be.
He's a duck.
He's in a duck pin bowling league.
He's fascinating.
Oh, he's crazy.
He's crazy.
He's a wild, wild boy.
He's a psychopath.
Yeah, he sounds wild.
Duck pin bowling.
Oh, wow.
Crazy.
Messy room.
Yep.
How are you feeling, Jeff?
Good.
I'm excited.
Yeah.
This is finally over.
I know.
People are hot right now about this show.
What are they hot about?
We haven't talked about it.
That's the problem.
I'm actually happy that the finale will happen because I can finally talk about it.
There's narratives going and everything.
We haven't even talked about it
Should we oh we already use our phone a friend TNT great match by the Frankettes by the way Congrats
What was the final score slaughtered us dude 18
I'm being accused of cheating and picking my nose
Pick my I was scratching my you ate a booger I did not I'm being accused of cheating and picking my nose. Well, no, you can't be accused of picking your nose. I didn't pick my nose.
I was scratching my nose.
Pull that up.
You ate a booger.
I did not.
Yeah, you did.
You looked at it and you put it in your mouth.
I did not.
You examined it for like two seconds.
You ate a booger.
Put it in your mouth.
And you did cheat and you lost 18-4.
You got to learn how to pick your nose the proper way.
I wasn't digging.
The pointer finger can never be inside of your nose. I was doing a scratch.
It's got to be the thumb every time. You ate a
booger. I did not eat a booger.
That's crazy. But yeah, I did
cheat. Fuck it.
I don't give a fuck. We were losing 18
to nothing.
Gotta do what you gotta do.
I'm not gonna cheat in games that matter.
We were in the dumps.
And we finally got you with the wedding.
We finally got a team with the wedding bit.
That is true.
That is the best bit.
Every phone a friend, we say the person they're calling is at a wedding,
and they never believe it.
We got mook.
The booger.
You ate a booger.
We got you at the wedding bit, and you cheated.
And you lost 18 to 4.
And you gave KB four geography questions.
That was great.
Wait, is this booger eating?
Knowing about the...
Oh!
You're not in there!
Yeah, you are.
You're picking a rib.
No, what you're doing is...
That's non-stop.
That's a scratch!
That's a scratch!
I hadn't seen that.
I didn't realize.
Oh, my God.
That's a scratch.
That was like the most classic textbook case of I have to pick my nose, but I know I'm
on camera, so lightly pick it.
And then eat it.
I was like, I did not eat it.
Because you don't want to get caught with a flick.
Right.
Bro, that's crazy.
That was picking your nose.
Accused of picking my nose.
Who's doing this?
No, I don't think that's a pick.
You joined the most famous.
It's not a pick.
You don't think he was going to drag it off the side.
And why did he lick his lips afterwards?
I thought it was a scratch, but why did the thumb go in the mouth?
The thumb in the mouth is...
It was on the side.
It was also a lot, too.
It was on the side.
Thumb was definitely in the mouth.
Yeah, you wanted to clean your finger off after picking it.
No!
You got a crusty off the side.
Yeah, you got a crusty.
Dude, if I was picking, you'd know...
Sass is right.
If I was picking, you'd know I'd be picking.
I'd be in there.
I don't know.
That looked like a guilty.
Do you think anyone picks their nose with their pinky finger?
British.
Really?
Yeah.
Sure.
I use them all, honestly.
Yeah.
At once.
I've gotten full fist.
Yeah.
Inside.
Yeah.
Did you moan?
So, Jeff, you're excited for it should be good i hope where are people what time
is it at i i people are just i think they've been mad since the beginning of the game people but i
think that means people are watching and they're getting emotional watching and that's good uh
seven eight seven central barcelona tv i don't know how long the reunion's gonna go it's gonna
be live um yeah the reunion will be interesting. Keegs is hosting.
I was a little too much involved in the drama.
Yeah.
Keegs is going to crush that.
She'd go for that.
Yeah.
So are you going to be in the reunion?
I'll be there if people want to say things.
Then I reveal the winner, and then I'll close it out.
I think we'll talk about future stuff.
Cool.
Hopefully nobody is – I haven't really paid attention to any Barstool stuff today.
Hopefully no one said anything about anything.
No.
We don't know. No. Because we haven't. No. Good to any Barstool stuff today. Hopefully no one said anything about anything. We don't know.
No, no.
Because we haven't.
No, no, no.
Good to be here, though.
Yeah.
Excited to finally, yeah, talk about it.
I'm a daily yak watcher in my apartment.
And we have not spoiled anything on Survivor, right?
No.
No, but to be fair, nobody has.
I've been spoiling a lot on Survivor.
No, but when Dave got mad the first day, because i did say that i was out the first day
uh on that yak and then everyone's like can you not do that and i was like we'll not talk about
it at all no you've been like very like we don't want to talk about it at all we can talk about it
later i think i think will will be here tomorrow so yeah i'm disappointed that i can't challenge
today yeah i know well you could be here tomorrow to be here tomorrow? I'm here tomorrow.
I have a recurring nightmare of endless Jake Malasek saves.
It's possible.
Yeah, no, you'll do it tomorrow.
I saw Roan's yesterday.
Yeah, we're not going to do it today.
He's telling the fuck out of me.
He did.
He's a fucking future Olympian.
He's going to go to the Olympics.
Stop that.
Don't suck.
Come on.
He has a 63-year-old man on the scene.
Also, congrats to your producer, Gooch, who's coming here.
Yes, he is.
He's going to be a great guy.
Yeah, he tweeted a picture of him sitting on a bean.
Yeah, he did.
This is official Dozen home base for him.
He's all Dozen propaganda, everything right from here.
I love that.
And also can be used for anything else.
He's great.
Real quick before you go, Jeff, you and Brandon both have one untied shoe.
Whoa.
I love these shoes. They don't stay tied. you go jeff uh you and brandon both have one untied shoe whoa i i got i'm aware of this i
love these shoes they don't stay tight they don't stay fucking tied they're by design and it's like
i look kind of dumpy anyway today so it's a really bad look like i i got probably got looks you don't
look dumpy you don't look dumpy you look slim jeff this now that bothers me jeff because you say
you look dumpy you have a suit you're going to get into for the finale.
Guess what?
I'm ready for the finale right now.
We're wearing the same thing.
Yeah, the wardrobe makes it be very funny tonight.
Yeah, he called me dumpy.
I'm wearing this to the finale.
What do you mean?
What are you wearing right now?
Oh, he does look dumpy.
Yeah, that is dumpy.
Oh, fuck.
I think it's something with the sweatshirt.
No, it's the undershirt, I think.
I think you've only gotten two haircuts today.
I did get one yesterday in New York.
I was there for an ad thing.
All right.
Thank you, Jeff.
Thanks, guys.
Good to see everyone.
Where's Titus?
He's doing macro dosing.
He's talking about a second act of life.
Nice.
Nice.
Sass missed the fantasy football playoffs in that league, Jeff.
I don't know if you saw.
I'm not sweating it too much.
No, that's why it's annoying.
Because no one's actually playing.
Playing?
No, no one's playing.
Two people are playing, Hank and PFT.
And everybody else is locked in.
But I can't get any good players because they won't trade with me.
Smitty won't trade with you because he's hoarding the players.
Yeah, that's really annoying.
Oh, you got one of those?
Smitty has every single running back in the NFL, and he has them on his bench.
He's not even using them.
That's the game, though.
It's annoying.
Yeah, I know, but that's the game.
I offered him.
I had a great trade for him, and then he sent me back a trade with his worst running back
and then all of my wide receivers.
In what world would I have taken that?
I've played in a league for 20 years with all my college buddies that has no waiver wire set up.
So you can add and drop at any time.
So if somebody gets hurt, you can literally in the middle of a game.
That's it's chaos, but it's fun.
I like that.
There's no rules.
That's insanity.
Yeah.
No, I like order in my league. No, it's it's fun because you just basically. There's no rules. That's insanity. No, I like order in my league.
No, it's fun because you just basically, like,
whoever's locked in can win.
I also did get fucked because I couldn't figure out
how to get off of auto pick for the first three rounds,
so I got all wide receivers.
And I have no, my current quarterbacks
are all backup quarterbacks.
You get Jake Browning?
No, unfortunately.
That's the one you need.
Yeah.
I got fucking Dobbs, Mac Jones. oh oh fuck oh yeah oh well i had
kurt cousins oh and uh what's his name what richardson colts quarterback yeah hurt yeah
both them got hurt i do have aaron rogers as well i'm holding on to him you're holding on i'm holding
on to him yeah you see our league regular season ended? Yeah. Oh.
I might be fucked.
What's the punishment?
Is bus to?
No, driving with Frank, right?
Driving with Frank and Jenks.
Frank and Jenks to Vegas.
What would you guys rather do?
In a smart car.
The bus, obviously.
The bus, dude.
I'd rather do Frank and Jenks.
No, I think I would enjoy a ride with Frank and Jenks.
The one thing we'll have to figure out is Kate, I think, is still on maternity leave,
so we'll have to think of an alternate punishment if she loses.
And I'm not going to like a simulator.
She has to sit in a simulator that does the drive.
I like that.
That would be worse.
Yeah.
Driving.
She has to FaceTime Frank and Jenks the entire time.
The entire time.
I like that.
Yeah.
I'm sure Zod can sit in a simulator.
And we won't even—
Is it a simulator guy?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Euro Trucking Sim 2. Euro Trucking Sim 2. All right. Yeah. I'm sure Zod can sim that up, right? And we won't even – Is it Simulator guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Euro Trucking Sim 2.
Euro Trucking Sim 2.
All right.
Perfect.
Zod, do you do, like, far trips?
Like hours long?
I used to, so I do my furthest on the flying, of course,
but I haven't done Sims in – actually, since we've moved.
Wow.
I haven't played the train one.
I just bought the train one
and it's just been sitting on my PS5.
Huh.
Need to fire that up.
Have you seen the guy who simulates also like crashing
and he's really good at it?
No, I want to see that.
Oh, he crashes 18 wheelers?
I've seen that.
I think, yeah.
Can you find that?
He has a lot of blood on his hands.
He'll just be doing like a driving sim
and he'll be like, he'll swerve off the road
and be like, sorry kids, I love you
and then smash into a pole and like fall out of his train. Oh, see it i want to see it you know what ones i've been really into
is the ones where they crash cars into walls and they see which cars can take the damage the
survival percentage all of that shit yeah it's good they say that that that elon musk car the
truck is like you're guaranteed to die yeah it doesn't crumple it has no crumple zone so you
just take all the force and you're a spy.
Or it can absorb an arrow.
Sure, that's good.
If Joe Rogan's ever hunting you.
Hunting your Cybertruck.
Oh, wow.
This is rough.
Shit, what's he doing?
I didn't think he looked.
Oh!
He's really good.
Holy shit.
Crap.
Did he say crap?
Yeah. Crap.
That was awesome.
He understands the physics.
Aw, crap.
Go to word.
Crap, not again.
As you're approaching a life-ending car crash.
Crap.
Crap.
Crap.
God damn it.
Shucks.
TJ, how long was the Christmas special?
It was probably like three hours.
Whew.
Ugh.
I had so much fun.
There's a little leak of it on Jerry's stream, which is also so much fun.
I watched that clip at like 20 times.
One of my all-time highlights.
Yeah.
Jerry's stream was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.
He does it every Tuesday.
Dude, I had me like, I was like writing down ideas for content after that.
For him?
No, for me.
Because I was like, gotta like that is it was
impressive yeah he's doing dude we stayed and watched for like 40 minutes after you gotta you
should you should re-watch the hot chip challenge one yeah he was just he was literally standing on
the court he had to hit uh i think it was 10 free 10 free throws in a row yeah to be done
and he had every time he didn't get seven he had to do like hot sauce so he was he had like a two bottles of hot sauce and then he had a hot chip on the top of it he was just puking
like oh white stuff and he was like my body's so cold and the chat was like no don't quit just
owning him i was talking to lucas after i was like by episode like 15 it's just gonna be like
shoot yourself challenge dude it's so funny.
He had to do last week, he had to do a putt the course of the court,
and it took him like an hour.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That was like one of the seven challenges.
Oh, I thought you meant the whole stream.
No, that was one piece of it.
Yeah, because I was saying last night that he woke up at like 3 in the morning a couple nights ago, and he was still alive.
Yeah, that was that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is what's Lucas's story?
Lucas's story is a weird one.
He so last spring.
Jerry was saying, like, I need an editor.
I need someone to help me put out content.
Hank sat him down, was like, look, like you got to learn how to edit yourself it'll
be easier in the long run if you know how to edit like once you build something we can get you
editors but like we can't have an editor assigned to you and so jerry said that he was going to
teach himself editing he found lucas he was working as a waiter at pf chang's in uh miami
jerry used how did you find him? What?
I think he just hit up Jerry and was like, I'll edit for you. Oh, okay.
He was in the army.
Jerry was pawning off Lucas's edits of his own for a while, which was very funny.
Then when we did the pro football show, I accidentally got put on an email where I have
to pick the game of the week.
So Tom Lay put me on an email and it was like me jerry and this guy lucas i was like
what the fuck is lucas and then jerry was like oh he does my edits so then i was like you got to
start giving him credit for it and he started giving credit and then dave was like who is this
guy we gotta hire him damn he's so funny as like a voice in the sky he's the perfect i i saw some
of the chat getting mad at him he's the the perfect foil for Jerry because he is like,
I feel like when I'm watching Jerry After Dark,
I'm watching like Buffalo Bill putting someone in their cave
and he's just like, put the shot collar back on.
Yeah.
Like, put it back on.
Does the chat run the show or do we run the show?
Yeah, he's like a rope.
It's like a science.
His voice is so like monotone.
I never want to see his face
yeah i want to never see his face again you wouldn't even be able to guess him if you saw
i yeah so i'm walked through and he when he put on the when he went to go put on the collar can
we make him wear like a mat like a yeah i feel like that marshmallow type helmet he's a deep
guy too i feel like he is yeah i had one week where I went like 3-8 in the pro football show
And there was like the greatest edited video
Of all my bad takes
That went to every account
And I was like who did this
He's just a devious
I did the shot caller
It sucked
I think we gotta obscure Lucas' face forever though
I think that he just works so well as that voice
His voice of God.
Yeah, the Wizard of Oz.
No, Jerry.
Jerry, you've been a bad boy.
Put the shock collar back on.
Now's time for the lime in your eye.
Shocking him after the mousetrap was so evil.
Yeah, so people will see we went basically,
you'll go, we went in the future.
No, we were in the future.
No, we were in the past. We went to the past. He was in the future no we were in the future no we were in the past we went to the past he was in the past
he was in the future so there was
a the end of the Christmas stream we
were basically planning out mook putting
that mousetrap on yeah we
had it like simulcast it okay so
can we watch the one that was out that's out already
yeah from yesterday
yeah
let's go come on good so we were sitting
in the axe studio reacting to this at the end of the Christmas special can we
also watch mooks walk over there oh hold on you gotta go to the shock right here
yeah the beep i got mooked i got moved i got moved
oh my god oh i got moot yeah i got moot one more i got mooked. One more. I got mooked.
Oh.
Ah!
Get this fucking shit off.
The beep.
Get this fucking shit off. Big Head, after you did it, he said that the rubber fell off of the shot collar.
Really?
It's getting, like, way harder.
So it's, like, the pure metal on his skin.
There's no, like, conductor to, like, balance. Oh, uh conductor to like balance that thing's around it yeah that thing sucked but i think jerry tweeted
out the the video of uh mook walking over there it was like when your mom goes to bring her
friends snacks pizza rolls are ready yeah it's funny as fuck yeah the chat runs the stream i
was literally in my car and i pulled it up to watch it on the way home. Yeah. And the whole
chat was like, big cat shot caller, big cat
shot caller. I was like, fuck. Yeah. I guess I
gotta go do the shot caller.
Yeah. I went.
Look at that walk.
Honey, I have a
mousetrap. You gotta
be careful when you have this thing in your hand. Yeah.
Dude, getting shot call or getting mousetrapped
when you're not expecting it to happen has to be, like, insanely painful.
Yeah, it's got to suck.
Oh, my finger is, like, really hurting again today.
Yeah.
You know what's weird?
I actually have a cut on my finger next to where the mousetrap hurt, and that hurts significantly more.
Yeah, cool.
Right here.
This hurts way more.
This is, um, this is, oh, hey, John.
Oh, yeah.
Fight.
John.
You got to go, KB.
John.
Give me the word.
Go, KB.
Kyle.
John.
Do it.
You're waiting until he's looking.
Do you want to open the glass?
I don't know how much construction is happening out there, but.
Can't do it.
Um, I, like, understand football players when they're like uh
he doesn't know how to get like thursday night football sucks because i've been getting like
my bounce back i've been getting mousetrapped so many times in a row oh yeah yeah it's like i need
a day off but when you come back in a bye week we get mousetrapped on extra rest we can't add
another game yeah my fingers just taking a beating I've been doing the same finger every time.
What's up, John?
Hey, John.
How are we?
We had some high praise for you the other day.
Uh-oh.
About what?
Uh-oh for high praise?
Never again.
We were just saying you're the best.
About what?
Why?
The one guy that's never changed.
Yeah.
I think I said that.
I was like the one guy, like, we've been doing this for a long time, and he's just still
like, oh, he's talking about your candy.
I was like, John, like, you know, all the ups and downs.
Like, if you just give him a bag of candy in a bed, like, he's happy.
I was talking about shooting sketches.
We were at your house.
You just had a bag of candy next to your bed.
Yeah.
I was having candy.
And I was telling him about the times when we would go on the road.
Bro, I knew I shouldn't let you in my room.
No, no, no.
You had a bag of candy next to your bed. And then we were walking around the city. We went to go see a stand let you in my room. No, no, no. We had a bag of candy.
Actually, by the time we were walking around the city,
we went to go see a stand-up show,
and we had to make multiple pit stops for candy.
Yeah, I was saying how when we used to go on the road
back in the day and get hotel rooms with two beds,
and we would just sit there in each of our beds
just eating candy.
Bro, one of my prevailing memories of Barstool as a whole
was that night in Maine.
Yeah.
We had done the toboggan, and we were in these spider ski suits, like prevailing memories of barstool as a whole was that night in maine yeah like we ate so much
we we had done the toboggan and we were in like these like spider ski suits and we couldn't get
each other out of the suits and like we were both too fat to get like it off our backs and stuff
like that and we were just we just kept eating candy so literally getting fatter sitting in the
beds working up the energy to get up and try to get our suits off again we're just sitting in the beds working up the energy to get up and try to get our suits off again
eating candy and then the other room was kevin uh listening to gaz get a blowjob
like a recording or
oh that's pretty good i still want i still think we should go back and do it i think we should
people would love that camden may i'll never forget. We'll just make it like $29.99 on pay-per-view, and we'll fucking go back and do it.
That was the great bar.
I forget the bar we went to after that play in Dodge.
It was the best.
Because it was also early enough barstool that a few people knew us, but it also wasn't
like we were at a dive bar, and it was just like everyone was like friends.
Yeah.
That was a great, great bar it was that was a great great
great time yeah candy well i was just gonna say something about candy too i lost it lost it candy
good oh oh i remember what it was i'm changing pat recently revealed on barstool radio that he's
pre-diabetic and that's been in my head a lot. Because he's like, I eat a bag of M&M's every night.
And I was like, yeah?
He's like, well, that's why I have diabetes.
Yeah, but it's a quick trip from gay to diabetic.
Sweet as hell.
That happened to Freddie Mercury.
Yeah.
Sugar.
I feel like eating a bag of M&M's a night would be a step up from the candy that I eat.
Yeah, that's sour.
Everything I eat was made in a fucking lab.
You know what?
Acid.
Yeah.
These colors aren't natural.
No.
I've been trying to work on it, so I've been doing the fake sugar stuff.
Oh, it's the worst.
It sticks all to your teeth so bad.
What is it?
The worst.
It's like-
It gives you diarrhea, too.
Like Trader Joe's gummy bears.
Yeah.
Oh, dude, that shit is terrible.
It's not Trader Joe's, I don't think, but it's very similar.
The Smart Sweets.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
There it is.
Those are awful.
It's so bad.
It's the same as the Halo Top.
Like, just don't eat anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's no reason.
They won't give you diabetes.
They'll give you cancer.
Yeah.
Dude, the Smart Sweets are, which ones do you eat?
The Swedish Fish ones.
I've ordered both sour and the Swedish Fish.
I've ordered the Sour Patch Kids variant and the Swedish fish one.
Dude, the Swedish fish ones,
it's like one of those
takes a half an hour
to get through your mouth.
And I'll try and let it
just sit in my mouth
to let it melt
and that doesn't help either.
It's a disaster.
The peach rings are pretty good.
No, I thought
they're not the same
as real peach rings.
No, not even close.
No, but they are the best
of the smart things.
Yeah, by far.
For sure.
I've been doing
the Real Fat Movie
you like, John. I've been ordering the real fat movie you like, John.
I've been ordering Dairy Queen blizzards to my house.
That's insane.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that.
That's bad.
How do they hold up?
Oh, they're great.
They're great.
They're great.
How close are you to a Dairy Queen?
Doesn't matter.
The blizzard is like frozen solid.
Oh, they hold on, buddy.
As you say, you should open your door every time and just flip it upside down, let it dump out.
Another one.
Go back and get it.
I'll get a couple, throw them in the freezer.
How is Pat eating like that and he has a fucking six pack, though?
Genetics.
There's got to be some sort of disease that keeps you scared.
It's like decaf.
So pre-diabetes, is that irreversible?
It's like a guarantee?
No, they said it was like, they said like,
eat healthy for three months and you'll be fine.
So we're all pre-diabetic.
Yeah, right.
Brandon, are you concerned?
I've been pre-diabetic since I was 11.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was that.
And ice cream was a storyline in Surviving Barstool.
That was the ice cream I bought for everyone.
That still, I would like to find out who did that i i've said that i think on radio or somewhere around like
i think people know if you just told me i'd be like wait a dog but also if i did it i would
never tell you what not even now when it's we're all no i would look i want to find out i feel like
i know who did it you do the person who would steal ice cream isn't going to be the person who
would be like oh i'm gonna own up it's, the annoying part is, like, I walked around and I was like, who wants ice cream?
I got the biggest ice cream order.
So, like, there was no reason to steal it.
It was, it makes no sense.
I know, but when they were doing the editing, Caitlin was texting me being like, what fridge
were you in?
Because we're trying to find the cameras.
And it was the second floor.
She was like, there's no cameras there.
So, I think we're never going to
find out. I feel like I know. I feel like it was
Will Compton. No. Because I
bought him a big ice cream.
Yeah he had it. And what?
He probably ate it all. He's an
ice cream guy and I bet he's the guy that can put down a whole
gallon. Bro if it was Will
that would break my heart. You think that he
got so high that he like
accidentally ate another one? We smoked weed together
and I was like dude I can't wait to get that ice cream. I bought
ice cream for everyone. It might have been
fucking Will. Who else is
even a culprit? If you had to put
odds on it like who else even would have good
odds that it was him? Psycho move. It's fucking
I'm pretty sure it was Will. If
Will ate my ice cream and we've talked
how we've talked since that day it might
change my entire perception of Will Compton.
He might be a sociopath.
Yeah, no, it's up there with crimes.
If you told me, like, oh, I hit someone with my car,
I'd be like, well, it's probably an accident.
I stole someone's ice cream.
You'd be like, jail.
You knew I told you I was so excited for that ice cream later.
You've convinced yourself it's Will.
Will's already dead to me.
Who else is in the conversation?
That was way too easy for him.
But then I'll talk to Will and he'll say it wasn't him.
And I'll be like, ah, you're a good guy.
Love ya.
You guys think anyone's ever gone up to Jimmy Fallon in person and been like,
holy shit, you're the dude from Ben and Jerry's.
You're the Ben and Jerry's guy.
Yeah, I wonder. Ben and Jerry's. You're the Ben and Jerry's guy. What the fuck?
Yeah.
I wonder.
Oh my God.
Are you the Tonight Dome?
Or like someone's like,
you know,
like who's your favorite musician,
Jerry Garcia?
You're like,
you mean Cherry Garcia?
The ice cream guy?
This band Fish reminds me a lot of my favorite ice cream.
Yeah.
Like a really fat dude
singing to Jimmy Fallon
out in the wild. He just only knows. Oh my God. You're from the ice cream. Like a really fat dude. Yeah. Falling out in the wild.
He just only knows.
Oh my God.
You're from the ice cream.
He only knows pop culture.
I've been eating you every night.
Yeah, he only knows pop culture through Ben and Jerry's.
That's really funny.
That might be a sketch.
You with Stephen Colbert?
Yeah.
American Dream?
That would be so funny. I'm sure it'sbert? Yeah. American Dream? That would be so funny.
I'm sure it's happened.
Yeah.
Like if one of my little sisters saw Jimmy Fallon out on the street.
I bet you it's happened.
You'd be like, where do I know that guy from?
Yeah.
My ice cream.
I bet you it's happened with fish.
Yeah, probably.
I bet you someone's eating fish food and then one day they're like, what?
They named a band after this?
I would recognize the ice cream.
If I had to close my eyes and taste the ice cream or listen to a fish song,
I would know the ice cream first.
I don't think I know your big fish guy, right?
Yeah.
I don't think, I'm sure I've heard fish songs.
I don't think I know one.
I don't know one.
Not at all.
Or even what it sounds like.
Okay, I thought I was going to be in the world.
Oh, yeah, you probably, yeah.
Are there fish songs, Or do they just play music
Get up and play music
I think they started
Playing one day
There's never songs
That stop or start
It's just music
It's champagne
Yeah
Yeah
Huh
You might know
Their one kind of hit
Was bouncing around the room
Bouncing around the room
Is what I was thinking
I probably know
If I heard it
If you heard it
You'd probably be like
Oh yeah I know that
Oh I'm glad I'm amongst friends.
I thought you'd be like, what the fuck?
No, that's not crazy.
Oh, okay.
But they're so popular.
Yeah, but it's like one of those.
It's like a deep, not wide.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like the fan base is like obsessed.
It's not like, you know.
Is there words?
Yeah.
Okay.
I've been to probably like
10, 12 fish shows.
No shit. They're fun. They're a good time. Yeah, it seems like a blast.
Yeah. It seems like the culture of their shows is awesome.
Is there other people there?
Yeah.
Brother, did you just pick your nose and
wipe on sock? Yes. You did.
Sass, because I know this
is what you respect.
Like two years ago, they did a dozen show run in Madison Square Garden.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Mints was at every single one.
Might have actually been 13.
Might have been Baker's.
I think it was 13.
It was 13.
It probably was.
Yeah, it was over New Year's.
That's crazy.
They're for, yeah.
I think we're moving on.
They've done festivals that are just them.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
We're moving on a little too fast from Sass wiping the snot on his sock.
It wasn't a full-on boogie.
Oh, it was just a finger clean?
Yeah.
Okay, that's different.
We showed Mookie eating a booger earlier.
I didn't eat the booger.
I did not eat the booger.
I'm desensitized.
If you rewind the tapes, you'll notice it never once came close to my mouth.
Yeah.
I have a question.
Straight to the sock.
I don't want it to be a personal question, but Rona,
how much does your back
hurt right now?
It's terrible.
I mean,
this is a ridiculous posture
that you have.
I've seen you
juggle around pillows.
It's like you're
nine feet tall.
It's so fucking bad.
Is your ass
moving pillows around?
Like,
what's the matter?
I'm uncomfortable for you.
I just have a bad back
historically.
I've done everything to try and solve it.
You should start doing shows like Larry Bird,
where you just lay on your stomach.
I would.
Have you done physical therapy?
Yes.
Fuck.
Done it all.
That's the only thing.
Physical therapy is the worst.
But it works.
But it's a really tedious thing.
Yes, it's the worst, but it does work.
I've been doing physical therapy.
Huh?
I think it's because you didn't get your full shit out this morning.
Oh, you got a shit stuck up your butt?
He's got a shit stuck up your butt.
You only took a half shit?
No, it wasn't that.
It was the darkest pooping experience of my life.
It was fucking traumatic.
Me and Sass were at breakfast and...
I almost got touched.
Oh, yeah.
I told him I had to go squeeze one.
Touched?
What?
I got to the bathroom.
I had to go upstairs at the hotel lobby restaurant and
got to the bathroom and like there was a guy next to me in the stall like grunting like these weird
grunts i really thought he was just trying to wrangle one and get it on out of there uh but
then like the grunts i came with like a little like chatter i was like is there two and then i
heard slurping no and i was like is
there two people in there and i like tried to kind of look under like it stopped being funny
really fast then i kind of instead of the smell in the air being uh like a shit smell it was like
the like nutty ball smell of a homeless person and he was just uh someone else walked in the bathroom as he was
kind of getting out and he was like oh sorry i was just talking to myself laughing having a good
time in there and i think the other person like hightailed for the the woods and like got the
fuck out of there and then he came back and like push like started to push open my stall door
and i had and there was like a flimsy lock i had to like fucking jam it shut And it was extremely traumatic
And was there a turd like coming out of you this whole time?
No, but I don't think I got the best wipe for sure
I had to get the fuck out of there
See, I'm wiping from
That is scary as fuck
It was like 30 minutes ago
Did you see the guy?
Did you see his feet?
No, I only heard him I don't know if you guys stay in the same hotel as us Did you see the guy? Did you see his feet? No.
I only heard him.
I don't know if you had to stay in the same hotel as us,
but there was a man, homeless man, walking around barefoot.
Oh, I don't think it was barefoot.
I was standing with Kirk at the entrance of the hotel,
and we were both like, God, this is an eccentric hotel stayer.
Because it was the morning.
He had wet hair.
He was in, like, pajama pants.
And he was sitting at the bar and then
he started walking outside then he walked back in and i was like it didn't strike me for like or
kirk for like 15 minutes we're like oh he's homeless that's what's happening that makes a
lot more sense yeah i thought maybe he decided to go up there and did the guy scurry away after you
pushed the door like what happened after that uh he i guess he kind of left i don't know i i kind
of stood in there just kind of terrified.
How long were you in the stall?
It was relatively fast.
It wasn't – we think it was – Five minutes.
Yeah, not that long.
If you had to fight, if he broke in, would you pick up your turd?
Like suck it back in?
No, like pick it up and like –
Oh, fling it.
Yeah, wield it.
Yeah.
Try and stab him with it.
I'd wield.
That's a day ruiner yeah and that first whiff of nutty ball aroma that's a bone chilling you don't want to smell that i would have much rather smelled a shit like i
it was like kind of i like had a giggle at first because i was like oh this guy's going through it
like he's really just trying to fucking get that turd down like austin powers like who's his number
two work for type of thing but But it was very quickly changed.
I was going to start filming and, like, giggling,
but then it almost became a fucking statistic.
So you cut it off short?
No, I think I finished, but, like.
Cutting one off short, it could ruin.
It could ruin the day.
Go back to bed.
Entire day.
Like, you can't get comfortable.
No, no.
Like, I have a half a shit.
Yeah.
But I'm going to miss. I'm dealing with that at the moment.
A half shit?
I've always got two full shits inside of me.
One in the chamber.
You keep yourself strapped.
That's six. How many shits is that?
We're birds of a feather.
I always have to shit.
I'm always
in the process of holding it back.
I'll go to sleep having to hold one back.
When I went to, one of the things I did for my back was I tried acupuncture for like fucking five weeks in a row.
And one of the things that you can click off is like ailments that you're going through is like incomplete bowels.
Like you always feel like you're not complete with your bowel movements.
And I did check that off, but the acupuncture didn't fix that or my back.
Oh, man.
I can't believe physical therapy didn't work.
Didn't do shit.
And I've done it.
If you really have to shit, you can feel it in your back.
Yeah.
Lower back.
Yeah.
I feel it in my lower back and my legs.
These chairs are bad.
Your legs?
You feel your shit in your legs.
I have a diarrhea coming.
I can feel it in the back of my calves.
You can lay down.
They get damp.
They tense up.
Lay on the ground.
Just put the pillow under your head.
You want me to rub it out, bro?
You describe every one of your shits like it's a war trap.
Remember when he said he was wiping his shins?
Yes.
That's horrible because do you go twice a day?
I go once a week. Yeah. I'm in the same boat. What? Oh, that's horrible because like do you go twice a day i go like once a week yeah
yeah what oh that's not shit once no i probably shit like two or three times a week how is that
possible because i do i can't i don't have normal shits so it backs up and then i go and i have like
one or two shits a week where it's like so when you go in like 30 minutes long of just straight fluid like a fire hydrant
just exploded
because you have no fiber in your diet and exclusively
artificial sugar
are you like shit brick
I'm like that because
I obviously can in other places
in an emergency but like
at home
oh no I can shit anywhere
so yours is strictly like backed up it's a it's a stomach problem and a
diet problem so you when you walk in to take a shit you're like here we go no like this by
really i'm rolling the dice i try to shit every day oh that's terrible did you try and fail today
no i haven't but i did yesterday you just sit the toilet? Yesterday I got like one pebble out.
Oh my god.
It sounded like you have an opioid addiction.
Eat a fucking bowl of cereal.
What would that do?
Yeah, I drank a lot.
You gotta get you some Miralax.
Yeah.
I'm good.
Eat a bran muffin.
You're obviously not good.
Don't worry about it.
I'll be alright.
Eat one bran muffin and you'll be fine.
All I have to do is go on the road and get nervous before a show.
And then just diarrhea.
You left a fucking...
No.
But it's going to happen regardless.
You left a stinker in Louisville, dude.
The worst.
I could feel it in my face.
It burned your eyebrows off.
Didn't have to shit at all. The second we walked into the green room. It's just eyebrows off. Yeah. Didn't have to shit at all the second we walked into the green room.
It's just like nerves.
And it's just all of a sudden it's just I'm going to be in the bathroom for the next 45 minutes.
I went into piss before my set and I just started like choking.
It was bad.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Fat boys, you guys have to try cake in milk i've been eating it all week what about a cake
you've been eating cake put your piece of cake in a bowl fill it up with milk you'll never have
you had cake all right already done that you just invented the cake shake from pertillos i'm sure
it's a thing i'm just telling you make sure to do it next time what's so good
about it you drown it in milk or just a little drenched it's damp it's soggy with milk like
it's the same thing as a cookie but like like brandon's asking is it a bowl of milk and a cake
or just like you put some milk on the cake it's a drizzle or is it a full engulfing of you drench
it with milk and then you leave some in the bowl like Like cereal? Yeah. Have you had a cake shake?
No.
You need to get one.
It's just a milkshake with a piece of cake mixed into it.
That's amazing.
If you're like me, are you taking this?
Like, I'm going to do this.
Oh, I did this.
I did it.
You'll never go back to dry cake.
I did this.
The other night, I wake up a lot in the middle of the night
and I pour myself a bowl of cereal.
Actually, from when we did that sketch, we got those cookies at Westside Market.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And so I had some of those cookies left, and I was like, I'll bring two cookies with a bowl of cereal.
And I just popped them in the leftover milk, and that was delicious.
I've never done that before, just two full cookies and leftover milk.
So a cake is right on.
Because think about cake.
It's pretty dry, Almost too dry. What?
Cake part? I'm taking it.
Not the icing. The cake part.
It's kind of not fun.
It means you've got an under-buttered cake.
Right. If you get a moist cake,
congratulations.
But sometimes
it's not. Bites, are you a
one cereal guy? Like you have the same cereal
every single time? Or are you, every time you go to the store a different type of cereal?
I go through phases.
Yeah.
So right now I'm in kind of a lame phase, if we're being honest.
I'm going to raise a brand crunch.
That's not really lame.
Oh, lame.
Ooh.
Yeah, but it's keeping me regular, Sass.
But I'll do Frosted Flakes.
Oh, yeah.
I've been doing Raised Brand Crunch and Frosted Flakes St. Bolton. I hate mixing. I Flakes. Oh, yeah. I've been doing Raisin Bran Crunch and Frosted Flakes same bowl.
I hate mixing.
I hate mixing.
No, dude.
I usually don't, but just a couple of Frosted Mini Wheats that you kind of dry with just
the drizzle of milk on them and then a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch.
I do a lot of Apple Jacks.
Were you guys Sugar Cereal kids as kids?
Oh, yeah.
I was not allowed it.
My mom was not allowed it.
No, no, sugar cereal.
I wasn't allowed Lucky Charms unless it was a special.
That's the one thing I could pick out of the grocery store every week was my cereal.
Did you have to go generic?
No, no, no.
I had to go generic.
It wasn't in the box.
It was in the big bag.
You had fruit hoops.
I had frosted mini spooners was my go-to.
Mini wheats and
like they still had mazes on the back but you could there's no pen that could mark the back of
a bag i felt so yeah i was allowed mini wheats and frosted flakes and then but like the real
frost flakes yep yeah but like flakes are sugary as fuck oh yeah but you know you can tell yourself
yeah i'm talking like lucky like cookie lucky charms, like with literally just dessert.
Yeah.
We would do kicks with a scoop of sugar in it.
Oh, I would do sugar in the cereal too.
Yeah.
And put up bananas sometimes.
Bananas.
I eat strawberries.
My house now is full of sugar cereal.
My kids get cereal.
You're a good parent.
I do the same thing with my kid.
I let him pick out the cereal every week.
Yeah.
You probably haven't had a good shit in years.
Yeah, maybe I should start mixing in a cereal here and there.
Yeah.
What is the one that's good for the shits?
Do you know what cereal would be good for the shits?
It's actually like a sneaky, it looks like it's healthy,
but it's totally a sugar cereal, peanut butter Chex.
Incredible.
It's basically like the Reese's Cups.
It's the same as that, but you can convince yourself like, oh, it's Chex.
Chex.
Fine.
Chex was what I was scared of as a kid because I thought it was too healthy.
Chex are actually delicious.
Chex are awesome.
I'm scared of it.
It's because it didn't have any, like, Chex doesn't have some kind of mascot on the box.
They probably have fruit.
It's probably like a strawberry jumping out of the bowl.
No fucking thanks to that.
I want to have the real big milk splatter.
Yeah, yeah, right.
I have checks once a year.
It's always between December 18th and December 25th.
My wife will make checks mix.
Oh, yeah.
And then we'll have the leftover checks, and I'll have it,
and that's the only time.
That's like next week for you.
Next week's checks.
Next week's checks.
You make some checks mix for us?
Oh, yeah.
You want some?
Yeah.
She's getting wild with it these days.
I'll go wild.
She'll put some fucking pork rinds in that motherfucker.
Yes.
Oh, way.
That sounds unbelievable.
You want some pork rinds, Chex?
Yes.
Done.
Yes.
Done.
Holy shit.
Stefan makes Chex.
She'll fry some cheese up.
Not fry it, but she'll...
I don't know how she does it.
She'll get it to where it's like...
Don't worry about it.
You're going to hurt yourself.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
I was just talking for a second.
Checks are also an elite walking around with like a handful cereal.
Yeah.
Like you can't do that with Cheerios really.
You ever do what we put the,
you just take a handful of Frosted Flakes and a sip of milk?
Yeah.
That's class.
Oh yeah.
Or I'll do like,
I'm not going to eat all this cereal
so I'll do it in a mug
and then I'll have like
16 mugs.
My son had cookie crisp
last week
and I was getting
handfuls of cookie crisp.
Those are just cookies though.
They are.
They're not.
They're literally just cookies.
It's not cereal.
You know what I never liked
was what is the chocolate one?
Cocoa puffs.
Cocoa puffs.
No.
I don't like it either.
I hated those. Are Reese's Puffs? I don't like it either. I hated those.
Are Reese's Puffs?
I love Reese's.
Sounds like Cocoa Pebbles were good.
Sounds like we're getting close to tearing.
We've teared cereals before, but I want to do it again.
How are we going to tear them?
I'll tell you my 1-1 F-minus cereal.
Rice Krispies suck.
Suck.
Suck.
Well, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
We're not Cocoa Krispies.
That's what I put the sugar in.
Yeah, because that's what makes it.
But rice is a great utility player.
And you put them in with another bowl or something.
Yeah, you can also hear that.
I hate mixed milk.
They would pop.
And it's their own.
They get so soggy.
Not all they do.
And you can pour some sugar.
He's right.
You can pour some sugar in rice krispies.
They're delicious.
Put some fruit in there.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
All right, well.
Apple Jacks. Frosted Flakes is definitely S tier, correct? Yes. Sorry, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, boy. Oh, boy. All right, well. Apple Jacks, S.
Frosted Flakes is definitely S tier, correct?
Yes.
Sorry, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian.
You're basing this off Legacy.
You're basing this off of.
No, no, no.
Frosted Flakes is S tier.
We're going to get people going to get mad.
And I would agree whoever just said Apple Jacks is also S tier.
And so is Cinnamon Life then.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch, S tier.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch, yeah, for sure.
And I'm done done what if we all
just made like a list of our
five best and if anyone has the
same list they have to fuck right
in front of the fuck right there
I like that okay I like that a
lot Rone let's go blueberry
Count Chocula trying to arrange
a fuck yeah blueberry Count
Chocula is my top two as well
you were just about to say that Trying to arrange a fuck? Yeah. Blueberry counter chocolate is my top two as well.
You were just about to say that.
Quisp.
Quisp.
Quisp.
I don't even know what my top five is. I don't know if I have a top five that I'm passionate about in cereal.
Yeah, because your butt has been completely neglected by you,
by the rest of your body.
I'd rather just have, like, eggs. Oh of your body. I'd rather just have eggs.
Oh, come on.
I like eggs.
I agree.
That's not what we're talking about.
You'd rather have eggs over cereal?
Yes.
Yeah.
100%.
Every day.
Boo.
Like eggs and hot dogs.
I have eggs every single day, and I fucking hate it.
It's miserable.
They get cold so fast, consistency.
Turkey bacon.
Well, not plain eggs.
My wife makes me scrambled eggs and two strips of bacon.
I'm down to two strips of bacon per day.
I eat cereal for dinner like half of the time.
Yeah.
Cereal's better.
I don't really care for breakfast for dinner, but cereal as a night food, even after dinner, can't be beat.
It's a great afternoon snack.
The worst time to eat cereal is in the morning.
A hundred percent.
I think the worst time to eat everything is in the morning.
Yeah.
The worst time to eat is in the morning.
What about pussy, Steven?
In the morning?
Morning cooch.
I mean, any time of day.
You can't wake up wanting to eat pussy.
No.
Brother.
Morning pussy is gross.
Eating pussy with morning breath is a weird one.
And the pussy has morning breath.
You want to wake up rocked up?
Son of a mouth.
Steven, this is pussy and milk in the morning.
Pussy and milk might be the worst combination dude yeah
dude that's overtaken like OJ and toothpaste
you put a couple rice krispies in there though
yeah you could pour some sugar
that's so gross
double slices of banana
put some sugar in your pussy
Jay waking up wanting to eat pussy
is insane
because he's hard
because he's hard so he's like his warning wood.
Because he's hard, so he wants to eat.
You ever have that where you wake up and you're both horny,
but you're both playing that game of chicken where you're like,
I'm not going to get on top.
No.
And you're both laying there like doing the kiss like this.
Yeah.
Where you're just waiting for someone else to make the first move.
No.
It's never a game of chicken.
I'll die here chicken I'll die here
I'll die
Dude last night
I woke someone up
In their hotel room
Because they checked me
Into the hotel
And just gave me a room key
That someone was in
Wow
Never had that happen before
That sucks
So they were just sleeping
Were they asleep
Yeah
Luckily they had the lock
On the door
But I pushed it twice
Because I just thought
It was stuck at first
And then that woke them up.
So it was a girl.
I would have shot you.
That's stand your ground.
That's castle doctrine.
I mean, best case scenario is that they were asleep.
Yeah, they were asleep.
The lights were out.
And actually once I stepped back, I saw that they had the do not disturb thing on the door.
But I didn't get until midnight last night.
So I was kind of sleepy just going to lock the thing in the open.
And they were very confused.
You just heard stirring and then, hello?
And I was like, oh, sorry.
Oh, man.
That's a terrible way to wake up.
You have to explain yourself, too, as you're closing the door.
That's not you breaking in.
It's like, they gave me the wrong key.
Right.
That guy does not go back to sleep.
No.
You're like, everyone's got my key.
But they never saw you, though.
Never saw me.
I always do the lock. I hurry down the hall.'d never do it until now now i do it now because i'm i can't stand the
fucking cleaning people waking me up yeah that's true i've done my eyes and they're in my room
they wouldn't leave you yeah i left my first review really two out of five whoa you can't
leave a one no that means you're in the heat of the moment.
Yeah.
So where was it?
That second stop.
It was the Hilton Doubletree.
Hilton Doubletree by our office.
Why were you staying there?
For the game night with you.
Oh, I thought you meant by the office out here.
Oh, no.
Got it, got it.
And someone came in your room?
Kyle's.
What happened?
She wouldn't leave.
No. I was trying to explain
I need to get changed
She wouldn't leave
Oh my god
And it wasn't like
A language barrier thing
She knew what I was saying
Five minutes
I said give me five minutes
And it's pretty similar
In Spanish
What was she trying
To seduce you
She was trying to
I guess do her job
And she refused
To not clean up.
She started cleaning but refused to stop.
So she's just picking up stuff around you and stuff like that?
Our review is probably still the latest.
Let's see it.
I left a five-star review at the Chili's at the O'Hare Airport.
Really?
I bet you mine's still the latest.
Yeah.
I thought it would be funny if I said it was the best food I ever had.
Is this something you share with someone you're with or you're just like sitting alone you know
it's been pretty funny i was with tommy and i was like hey give me let's get a picture real quick
and he thought i just wanted one but it was for the review i don't know if i've ever left a review
i read reviews i go on yelp and i read reviews all the time do you late night activity that i
like to do someone told me once every yelp you read, make sure you remember that it was written by someone
who would write a Yelp review.
Yeah.
It kind of ruined it for me.
I was like, oh.
TJ, can you pull up
the Doubletree Hilton in New York?
Yeah.
See if Kyle's the most recent.
I'd love to see what you said.
There's got to be,
which Doubletree?
29th Street?
Yeah.
Can you do the High Noon ad real quick?
Of course.
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The High Noon...
Can you give me ad libs?
The High Noon Game Day Pack is back.
God damn!
It's a fall exclusive
which means it's here
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you know you want it
not a long time
visit highnoonspirits.com
get some
before your next tailgate
to find a pack near you
chill
thanks bud
no problem bud
it is the best
I love DJs
who just do that
the live show
so annoying
every five seconds.
It's a big New York thing.
Any Uber you get into New York, the whole time you're just here.
It's Funkmaster Flex.
Yeah, yeah.
He took like 37 minutes to debut Otis by Kanye.
That's such a good video.
It's one of the best videos of all time. It's so good.
I don't know what this is.
He was just like, he kept playing Otis over and over again and blowing it up.
And at one point he told everyone to like walk into the nearest bodega and take all the money out of the cash register.
Because it's your money now.
And then he restarted the song again.
It was awesome.
He kept restarting it.
That's incredible.
Oh, here we go.
Is this you?
Oh, here it is.
Kyle Bauer.
All right.
He's the M of pet peeves.
Elevated your situation is nightmarish.
Staff friendly. They weren't even that friendly
But I didn't want to throw them under the bus
And it makes it a little bit more realistic
If you're not sure
That's what I thought
Wait you got a response
I didn't know I got a response
Hi Kyle
Thank you for sharing your feedback with us
We apologize for the inconvenience
You experienced with our elevator situation
We understand how frustrating that can be
yeah that's a copy paste yeah auto talk yeah that's some bullshit personalized yeah it was
the elevator that did it why don't you talk about the women though what did the one out of five give
what was that scroll down vacation solo nothing no Wow Oh that's it
That's a dickhead move
Yeah
Yeah
Room elevator
Noise of the water
Inside the walls
That's true
Noise outside
Low quality breakfast
In overall
Very bad hotel
It just shouldn't be a 3.7
It's gonna trick families
Making long trips
Right
Staying
In the twos
Meanwhile
Chili's at O'Hare
Yeah
We gotta get those numbers up
Get the families over there
Yeah
What was it rated by everyone else?
I have no idea.
Sam, should we stop there on our way out today?
Please do.
Maybe.
Leave a good review.
No.
Yeah, it's a hard no.
I'm doing an AMA on the Chili's at O'Hare Yelp.
The only place I like to go at airports is Buffalo Wild Wings.
They don't have those at many airports.
In New York, they do.
At JFK.
The Atlanta Buffalo Wild Wings might be the greatest restaurant on Earth.
Whoa.
You're an idiot.
That changed my entire life.
The Chili's in Tampa.
The elevator that goes over Orlando. Oh, yeah.
Orlando, right?
Brother, the Buffalo Wild Wings in the Atlanta airport has an elevator that goes up as well. I mean, the escalator.
Escalator that goes up to the Chili's.
That's what Buffalo Wild Wings has.
Wait, that's what their way to heaven.
Yeah, that's Orlando.
I knew you guys always loved the Chili's.
I thought it was the Charlotte one because I used to love the Charlotte one.
No, it was the Orlando one.
Hank and I were there for Blackhawawks Lightning in like 2015 and we went
and we were sitting down and the waitress were like hey how you doing and she's just like just
living the dream oh yeah really okay waitress you know they pay me double yeah it's like this
place is special I think was that third leg Greg because I was yes yes my feud with third leg Greg
you think he's still alive yeah he's still, he still talks shit every now and then.
No way.
He blocks people.
Yeah, he doesn't really.
I think he might just be Greg now.
He dropped the third leg.
That was wild.
Yeah.
This is just the in-arena announcer named third-legged Greg.
Yeah.
Hey, kids.
Welcome to the Amelie Arena.
Look at this guy with a big cock.
Is it a parlay or penis?
No, it was a.
Yeah, he was just
The in arena announcer
And then they invited me
I got in a feud with him
When the Blackhawks
And Lightning played
In the Stanley Cup
And they invited me
On the radio show
And the dude was like
How much charity
Do you do
And like trying to
Charity shame me
And I was just like
What
I did say one of the
Meanest things
I was like
He was like
This is all I do
And he listed like
17 like part time jobs And I was like he was like this is all i do and he listed like 17 like part
time jobs i was like dude you don't have a job he's like i'm in arena announcer for the lightning
for the fucking arena football team for the women's soccer team i was like okay what's your
tax form yeah that's a wild but i think that conventional wisdom would be that all of Buffalo Wild Wings and all Chili's are getting their food from the same place.
So the quality can't be that much higher at one to another.
But I do believe that it really depends on the location for a lot of things, especially like McDonald's.
Yeah.
Like one McDonald's to another.
Like there are some great McDonald's.
There's McDonald's that do perfect jobs every time.
And there's some McDonald's that are just gross.
Sonic,
Chipotle.
Chipotle is a big one.
Yeah.
Location dependent.
Chick-fil-A is a pretty big one in my opinion.
I think it's staff dependent.
Yeah,
staff dependent.
Yeah,
it's like staff's like.
And like the manager doing it the right way.
Right,
right.
Running it like.
The manager teaching people how to do it.
Chick-fil-A at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas.
Steer clear.
Whoa.
You go to a McDonald's.
All right.
You'll sometimes go to a McDonald's.
You'll be like, dude.
Write that down.
Write that shit down.
McDonald's is kind of amazing.
They trick you.
They still pay them everywhere.
Yeah.
But there will be McDonald's fries that you'll get.
And you'll be like, they really care. Yeah. Yeah. or double quarter pounders where it's like melted right yeah delicious i hit
a uh truck stop mcdonald's on my way to uh st louis and it was like five star service yeah like
they didn't fuck around in there it was so busy they were just locked in there's a truckers need
to eat they need to eat you ever gone on the trucker? You ever gone on an 18-wheeler?
No, but whenever I'm driving back
from Philly really late all the time
and there's just trucks pulled over
all up and down 95. I guess
dudes just pull over dead on the side of the highway
and sleep.
That's where they get their prostitutes.
You been in there? I hitchhiked once from
Vermont to Massachusetts.
You hitchhiked?
Yeah, I was in college. People still do that?
I selectively hitchhiked.
I was in college.
I was taking a bus from Burlington back to Massachusetts,
and they had a stop, and you get off at a subway just to get lunch,
and I don't know, I took a shit, probably had a SAS-level shit,
where I just came out and the bus was gone.
Oh, fuck.
And then so from all.
Was your bag on there?
Was your bag on the bus? oh my god and then uh i i
just uh i like selectively hitchhiked from that rest stop where i was like asking people i thought
i could take in a fight if things got yeah and i got this little peruvian man and he's like come
on in the he didn't speak any english so he's not he wasn't like, come on in. But I drove with him for like six hours, like the pouring rain.
It was romantic.
It smells like rotten flesh in that car.
Who do you think you could whip all Peruvians' asses?
He was so little, dude.
I don't know, man.
It was a size thing.
How many Peruvians would it take to take you down?
Peruvians.
Their national sport is just like those videos where they're just whipping each other.
Is it really?
No, you know the videos where they have old school, it looks like gladiator shit.
I thought that was Indian.
I think that's a slap contest.
And they also have that knife one.
There's like the knife part.
Have you seen that one?
They're all covered in blood.
I think it's Indian.
You know what's Peruvian?
Lomo Saltado.
That's Peruvian.'s peruvian what's that
oh come on it's a great dish steak french fries tomatoes i made us potatoes i think i could take
around 30 beans i could 30 i was gonna say 11 easily only 11 i think so neither of you selling
yourself short a peruvian how big they got ink and blood how big are these guys this guy all he
wanted to talk about was how much he liked lesbians.
He was not.
I always wonder where those guys are.
They always dominate the rankings.
I've never met one who loves lesbians.
South American truck drivers love lesbians.
They love putting milk on pussy.
We were driving through Western Mass.
I forget what town we were.
Maybe Holyoke.
He's like, you know about Holyoke?
And I was like, no.
He was like, lots of lesbians.
He'd been talking about lesbians for like four hours up to that.
I was like, how did I think it was going to be anything else other than this?
Like, a lot of lesbians.
It was outside of Amherst.
I forget what town it was.
You do his accent?
Yeah.
Why is that something that he would like?
Because it's his sexual preference.
Why do gay dudes like gay?
It's kink shame.
It's kink shame. No, I'm homophobic that's why no i think i think liking lesbians is like for 13 year old boys the biggest homophobes
love lesbian porn though yeah but pretty funny but i think there's a big difference between
lesbian porn and actual lesbians well no it's dudes i think a porn is gonna break out in yeah
yeah yeah like what if this cashier just started hooking up with the next
customer in line? He doesn't like the line
backer lesbians.
No, he's not into that.
He likes Riley Reid as a lesbian.
Yeah.
When I was in like...
We said
this once a long time ago.
Oh, do you know what Riley Reid's back tattoo says?
No. Oh oh i think you
told me i forget what it is though when life gives you lemons the craziest that's insane
chinese caricatures down her spine i knew it was chinese caricature
yeah caricature caricature
that would be the really racist I want Chinese caricatures
down my spine.
Caricature.
So is that
is she implying
that life gave her
that her porn career
is her making lemonade
out of the lemons
life gave her?
Yeah.
What does that mean
in any sense?
Understandable.
What was the lemons
given to her?
Her sick ass ass. Yeah. No, that's in any sense? Understandable to lemons given to her. Her sick-ass ass.
No, that's not a lemon.
That's a lemon, and she's making lemonade with it, brother.
Lemons are bad.
I guess it's a broken home.
Peru only has four Olympic medals ever.
None since the 80s.
You'd think a team of this country that size.
They do have mountains, right?
But this is probably all Summer Olympics?
Am I sitting in tight as a seat?
I see it back there.
Oh, you are.
I'm fine.
You're fine.
They're just geographically big, though.
They're not like –
The population is somewhat big.
It's big enough to field out some stars.
What sports?
You think they'd be good at soccer or something?
Shooting.
Shooting? Shooting. I think the sport I was thinking of was the Cal be good at soccer or something? Shooting. Shooting?
Shooting.
I think the sport I was thinking of was the Calcio Storico or something in Italy.
I was trying to find it.
Where they just basically, it's like primeval football where they just kick the shit out of each other.
Donnie would, though.
Yeah.
I couldn't find it.
I tried to Google it.
Oh, yeah.
Is he in Kenya right now?
Not Kenya. He's in the other one. it. Oh, yeah. Is he in Kenya right now? Or not Kenya.
He's in the other one.
Uganda.
Oh, Bo's in Kenya.
Yeah.
My buddy's in Kenya.
Bo's in Kenya.
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Titus, hello.
Hello, my brother.
What's up?
Titus, am I doing Mostly Sports with you on Friday?
Yeah, you want to?
Yeah.
Awesome.
Brandon's got to go to Wyoming.
What are you doing in Wyoming? What? For our bowl Yeah. Awesome. Brandon's got to go to Wyoming. Done.
What are you doing in Wyoming?
What?
For our bowl game.
I got to do pre-taped interviews.
Do you have a planned idea, or is it just like a...
I think I have to ride the bowl again.
Yeah.
I don't know if I'll have time, but we'll see.
But I have some planned ideas, yeah.
Yeah, you got to ride the bowl again.
You probably won't have time.
On that bowl. What's in Wyoming? Jackson's Hole. Laramie, yeah. Yeah, you got to ride the bull again. You probably won't have time. You probably won't have time on that bull.
What's in Wyoming?
Jackson's Hole.
Laramie, Wyoming.
Serial killers.
Or the University of.
Mountains, reservations.
Yellowstone National Park.
I've been to Wyoming.
It's beautiful.
Wyoming is beautiful.
It's fucking beautiful.
What a.
The drive from Denver is unbelievable.
Weirdly likes a bunch of celebrities.
I thought they were in.
Wyoming, Montana.
Oh, Montana.
Both of them. They're kind of. Okay. They were in Montana. Oh, Montana. Both of them.
They're kind of...
Okay.
They're the same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, Justin Bieber
has, like, a ranch
in fucking...
I think Dave Chappelle.
John Mayer's got a place.
Kanye.
Dave Chappelle.
They're all getting
out of the big cities.
I mean, dude,
if you go there...
You get it.
You get it.
It's, like,
the coolest place.
You gonna fuck around
and buy a lot somewhere
i would love to i don't think that makes any sense but yeah i would if i got if i had like
money like that i would absolutely buy a place out there what's your number one wyoming activity
fishing standing in water standing just yeah standing and looking at the mountains looking
yeah standing and looking i hiked i went on a hike in wyoming it was called twin lakes and it
was awesome.
How many lakes were there?
Two, and they're at the top of the mountain.
It's 14 miles.
That don't make sense.
Twin Lakes.
How's the water get all the way up there?
They brought it up there?
Wish I knew, man.
Is it man-made?
I don't think so.
You just went to Disney World?
Yeah, you went to Disney again.
Oh, yeah.
I got confused.
You've done this like six times.
Fuck. You're like, I saw the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Dude, you just went to Disney again. Oh, yeah. Got confused. You've done this like six times. Fuck.
You're like, I saw the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
Dude, you just went to Disney again.
No, no.
It's in America.
It's in America.
Shark.
I went to the moon last week. They moved it to Orlando.
I saw a bunch of dinosaurs.
Dude, I was on this ride at Disney, and for some reason, every president was standing there.
They were all just looking at me.
I saw a moose.
You know cars can talk?
Ah, you went to Disney again, bro.
They should be able to.
Yeah, they should.
You got to be able to express different things.
You can't do it with just a honk.
Yeah.
Cars should have two different honks.
At least two, yeah.
GTA, you could change the honk.
A mad honk, a sarcastic honk.
There's a mad honk, a sarcastic honk. There's a mad honk, a sarcastic honk.
There's one honk that totals the car.
Nice ass.
Nice ass honk.
I'd want like a sassy gay guy.
As your honk?
To speak, yeah.
A honk for when someone else has something
on their roof.
Are their gas caps open?
Some honks are more Asian than others. Oh, yes. has something on their like they left something on their roof? Oh yeah. Are their gas caps open or something like that?
Some honks are more Asian than others.
Oh yes.
That's true.
Agreed.
I've noticed.
That's an Asian ass honk.
You're absolutely right.
There's an Asian honk.
Or the best one is
which is of course Peruvian.
Yes. Or Silvio's honk and Sopranos. Or the best one is which is of course Peruvian.
Silvio's Honk and Sopranos.
Did he have Godfather?
I think so.
I've never watched.
Remember we were in that Uber one time?
You've never seen Godfather?
No, the Sopranos. I also never watched it.
We were in an Uber one time
and we were filming Neighborhood Eats in New York?
We were filming the...
Cats?
Cats Deli.
And we got in that Uber and the dude's horn was like the loudest, deepest honk.
And he honked and remember we all were like,
what the fuck was that?
It's manly.
It was like...
And it was just like a normal ass small car.
And it was like an 18-wheeler horn.
He souped up his horn?
Do it again.
No.
Do it again.
I'm telling you, I'm not.
Can you give us a bow and arrow fire?
No.
Please?
That was like three years ago.
Dude, KB got you this job.
Fucking make this sound.
Do it.
Do it.
I'm not playing back there, man.
Just do the bow and arrow.
I love it.
I moved on from that life.
Light one on fire and shoot it at Titus. I don't know what that is. I just never seen it. Do it. I'm not playing back there, man. Just do the bow and arrow. I love it. I've moved on from that life. Light one on fire and shoot it at Titus.
I don't know what that is.
Titus has never seen it.
I actually have never seen it.
I kind of like it.
Please.
I would love to.
Brandon, I don't give a shit.
If you want it, that means I'm going to laugh.
I'm just with big cap.
Please, Seth.
Say you don't want it, Brandon.
I don't want it.
It's the holidays.
It's the holidays.
I'm not a fucking idiot.
I'm not going to dance for you boys.
Spread some Christmas cheer.
I spread it all my Christmas cheer last night.
Trying to call you.
Yeah, don't get into these.
I'm not doing shit.
Just one.
Sass off the yak.
You're so good at it.
Some talents have to stay hidden.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
You got to do it.
Bullshit.
I want it.
Just one.
I'm sure you boys could come up with one.
No.
What if it's not as good?
Then it's going to ruin the previous.
Exactly. You do the to ruin the previous. Exactly.
You do the best lighting the arrow.
And I just worry like with me not here 24-7, I feel like someone else has to step up and try and do the arrow.
We don't have any bow and arrows.
We don't have bow and arrows here.
It's a bow and arrow free office.
Do a glock.
You guys got plenty of those out here.
What does a glock sound like?
I don't know.
You tell me.
Steve, do a glock.
Do the sound of a Glock, Steve.
Pretend you have to.
What kind of a gun is that?
It's a pistol.
It's a Glock?
Glock.
This is going to suck.
Am I shooting someone too?
Yeah, and then like talk about it.
Talk about what you just did to him.
Warn him before you shoot him.
Stand over him.
Talk a little shit afterwards.
The guy is standing.
He just broke into your house, and you don't want to shoot him,
but you're going to have to shoot him.
All right.
Freeze, motherfucker!
Wait, wait.
Wait, shoot him.
Just shoot him.
I have to shoot him?
I don't want to shoot anybody.
Kill him.
Oh, now he shot you.
You're dead, Chad.
No, he he shot you. You're dead, Chad. And he killed your whole family.
No, he froze.
No.
He heard you say, I don't want to shoot him.
And then he went, oh.
Oh, Chad.
Yeah, pretend to get hit.
Oh.
All right.
Oh.
Oh, watch the face.
Pull your large intestine out of your body.
Yeah.
Slowly.
Stuff it back in.
Stuff it back in.
Pretty good.
That was actually really realistic. Give yourself stitches.
Give yourself stitches.
Yep.
Yep.
I need a little.
Okay.
Maybe.
All right.
Now you're on a jumbotron.
You got kiss cammed.
You got pussy-cammed.
He's trying to eat Zaz's pussy.
Damn, you just let yourself get shot
in front of your whole family
even though you were armed.
You refused to stand your ground.
Steven, you're in the back crowd
of Good Morning America
you're on TV
is that the one they do in like a
there's a delay
right there
he's going to be very Asian
sign says hi mom
I thought he was gonna do peace sign
Yeah I did too
Yeah there it is
Yep
Yep
Not Steven
Al Roker put the gun down
He wasn't gonna eat your wife's pussy
He didn't mean anything to buy it
I really just wish I had a bow and arrow He wasn't going to eat your wife's pussy. He didn't mean anything by it.
I really just wish I had a bow and arrow.
I know.
So that's what the fuck.
You guys should get a bow and arrow range in here.
That'd be cool. That'd be cool.
Or at least a crossbow range.
Yeah.
I think we have...
I think Chap's getting a paintball gun.
Ooh.
That should be one of Jerry's punishments. Oh, I'm sure it will be. With a paintball gun. If it's in Oh. That should be one of Jerry's punishments.
Oh, I'm sure it will be.
Get shot with a paintball gun.
If it's in here, it will be one of Jerry's punishments.
Yep.
One of Jerry's punishments should be getting hit with a golf ball from, like, Brandon's drive.
Oh, my God.
Oh, so it wouldn't even hurt.
True, yeah.
Well, I would have said my drive, but I don't want to, like, actually kill him.
You beat him, right?
I smoked him.
We have to do a rematch.
Guys, guys, we're not doing this. We have to do a rematch. Guys, we're not
doing this.
We played two matches. I beat him once.
He beat me once. We played two matches. The first
match was two holes. Yeah, you won the preseason
game. The first match was five holes. The second
match was five holes. That's
not true, Brandon. It is absolutely true. And I hit
the ball so far. It doesn't matter if you hit it
far. You hit it out of bounds every single time.
All you gotta do is hit it far. No. It's impressive. I've only ever seen you do the driving range. It's impressive matter if you hit it far. You hit it out of bounds every single time. All you gotta do is hit it far. No.
It's impressive. I've only ever seen you do the driving range.
It's impressive no matter which direction it goes
as long as it goes far.
And the craziest thing is that I'm using
driving iron and I'm only
driving it 30 yards. You won't hit a driver on a simulator.
Why are you playing smart on a simulator?
Because I want to beat you.
And because there's no butter to your swing.
He has the butteriest swing, and yours is dry cake.
I have all butter.
No, you have dry cake.
Sass is smothering me.
I have pounds of butter.
Yeah, no butter at all.
Sass is caramelized onions.
Yeah, he's got margin-ass swing.
I do have a smooth-ass swing.
So smooth.
As soon as I go over there by myself, I turn around,
and there's a crowd watching every time.
Nobody can play for 45 minutes. Nobody walked over there. I did. We were playing turn around there's a crowd watching every time nobody we played for 45 minutes
nobody walked over there
I did
we were playing earlier
there was a crowd
I watched from upstairs
yeah
I pulled the security tapes
because I wanted to watch
people can't stop themselves
from being drawn over
it's a fact
and they go
let me get like that
how'd you get like that
genetics guys
I can't believe
it's not butter
yeah that's
crazy nick you're hosting a talent show oh yeah oh yeah me that's an awkward silence mook kyle
i love him i love the awkward sound tft yeah hosting a talent show next week at the postal
bar very excited for this the sign up is in the river north instagram and
hold on it's also in the chat and in the bio hold on the winner wins 500 and appear they do their
talent on the yak oh i like that so the next thursday yeah so i think the day after yeah but
we're gonna run it like i think we talked about this oh that's what we're doing the magician
like the oh we still haven't figured out The magician Oh yeah
I uh
Yeah
Bader is
Has a
Some hitters
That he's gonna bring through
Alright cool
I feel like if you guys
Get somebody that plays
The spoons
You kinda almost
Have to fast track them
Onto the yak
I saw a guy
Yeah
I saw a guy play
The pen
The what
He played the pen
What are we talking about
The pen
Like a
Like a
It was...
Hitting the table?
Yes.
That shit is so impressive.
I gotta try to find it for you guys.
It was incredible.
You know what my favorite instrument this time of year is?
Is the old ladies at church playing the bells.
Oh, yeah.
They're good.
They're graceful.
They get sassy with the way they do it.
Yeah, it's only like for three weeks.
Three weeks a year they come out of hibernation.
They probably get so
a drug like high.
Oh, here it is. Yes, yes, yes.
Look at this.
Wow.
It's incredible.
He's working
at a checkout.
Wait till the sound effects.
Yo. He should the sound effects. Yo.
He should be a billionaire.
Totally.
Billion.
Oh, my God.
This guy had to have been the worst student ever.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it gets even better.
Oh.
Oh!
Legend, everyone can do this in the comments.
Everyone. Oh, damn.
Yeah, wait.
Everyone can do that?
Tell that guy.
Bully that guy.
Yeah, hopefully the response has bullied him.
Fuck you, bro.
13 replies.
No, he can't.
He can't, too.
I can't make him do it. Oh, this is one of those yeah what was it what was the guy we found oh yeah it was the pogo sick he's like now he did it in like charlotte yeah 2008
what's the funniest stamos dropped a new one yesterday i guess i don't know how often he
does it i just i just happened to see it what What was it? Just John Stamos hitting a ball.
We've been doing fellow Fridays, which we've got to do one,
where we just find random people online.
Oh, I've got a great one.
Ronan's been doing this to me for a while.
Really?
He sends me the best fellas.
Wait, if we don't do fellow Friday this week,
we're not going to have one for December.
I know.
Also, we've got to do Ronan Sass, not to put you guys on the spot,
but do you think there's a time in January you could come back for a case race?
Oh, I don't drink anymore, so that would be tough for me.
You'll be drinking by then.
He'll be drinking by the holidays.
Do you think we can figure that out?
Yeah, of course.
That would be awesome because we have January is our big birthday month.
I can't wait.
It's EKB, TJ, Stevens, like early February.
It's been a while since we've done one.
Since we moved.
I'll tell you what.
A case race with a full basketball court will get interesting.
Titus, can you come back?
You're a drinker.
We'll find out.
Yeah.
I don't want to stay either way.
If Sass can't make it, we can just replace him one for one with The Bachelor, Zach.
Oh. We'd fuck him, though. We'd end up fucking him. it, we just replace him one for one with The Bachelor, Zach. Oh.
We'd fuck him, though.
We'd end up fucking him.
We'd end up fucking him.
He'd do the bow and arrow.
I don't trust myself off of two beers around that guy.
Yeah.
So I'm going to be, yeah, what would you do?
Fuck him.
What if he wasn't into it?
Yeah, what if he didn't want to?
He would want to.
Why?
What about you makes The Bachelor want to fuck you? You don't even drink. Because I'm a young boy. Yeah. Hey, he didn't want to? He would want to. Why? What about you makes the bachelor want to fuck you?
You don't even drink.
Because I'm a young boy.
Everybody wants to fuck.
Hey, makes a good point.
Everybody wants to fuck the young boy.
We need to have a Nambla bachelor.
A what?
North American Nambla love association.
Dude, I feel like people have been doing a lot of hunting pedophiles on their own these days.
And they just beat the fuck, and they put it like behind a paywall.
They start off the video, and then it ends, and they're like, subscribe to some rest.
But like they can't arrest the guys.
No, it's a catch and release program.
A guy got killed in Michigan doing it.
I'm sure.
It's one of the dumbest things.
It's not.
Like when Chris Hansen was doing it, he had a whole squad of police officers with him.
And it's just these like teens going out who are creating like fake Tinder profiles as 12 year old girls.
Yeah.
And then meeting up with the dudes.
So weird content.
It's a very weird thing to do.
My hottest content corner that I've been on is these guys on the uh like Hollywood Boulevard or whatever that
are bullying Scientology oh and they're like they're aggressive and now they have like numbers
like it was just one guy doing it alone and he'd know the backstory and name of everybody that was
working at the Scientology church and like he would anybody that was about to go in he'd be
like it's a cult and they'd be speaking Spanish and he'd be he'd be like it's a cult and they'd be speaking spanish and he'd be he'd be like like don't go in there like and now he has like a fucking fleet of people outside this is
what's that
oh thanks
so that's the guy that's always getting bullied but i think it's another guy
oh is this the oh this is the first Yeah, so that's the guy that's always getting bullied, but I think it's another guy that always
You too, I was up I went to the test was that test. Yeah, it's a personality test
You will fill out a questionnaire about yourself. I'm facing your answer. You would receive a gram like this
You can see the strong and the weak points in your personality
Then you see what this we points are in different areas in your life.
Career, social life.
Career.
This is crazy.
I have a pretty good personality myself.
That's true.
So these are the Scientologists?
Yeah. Why is this oddly relaxing to me?
Man, I'll be here.
You know what an entrepreneur is, right?
You know Grant Cardone?
Yeah.
Oh!
Fuck yes!
I've been in businesses to grow up. Yeah, but Grant Cardone be scamming people. No. Shut this off, TJ. Yes. Oh! Fuck yes!
Yeah, but Grant Cardone be scamming people.
No.
Shut this off, TJ.
You know what I mean?
There's a different one that I watched.
Grant Cardone's a Scientologist?
No.
Did you guys see that video of Grant Cardone like shadow or like teaching like a new sales guy?
No.
You haven't seen it? No. Oh, yes. He had to make a sale sales guy. No. You haven't seen this?
Oh, yes.
He had to make a sale, but like under pressure.
Titus, if you're not familiar with Grant Cardone,
he's a big part of this show.
I'm vaguely familiar.
It's really, it makes you.
That's the 10X guy.
It'll make you dislike Grant Cardone more.
No, I love him though.
Yeah, I don't think he's worth it.
More than the time that he's pretty bad.
More than the time that he made his like eight-year-old daughter go out and tell everyone to work harder?
Oh, God.
That was so weird.
When I was eight, I was a kid.
Oh, no.
When I was nine, I knew I was an adult.
Becoming a Scientologist is a secret to my success?
Oh, no.
Oh, man.
So we have been secretly pushing Scientology on this show?
Yeah.
I'm okay with that.
I'm okay with that.
Did any of you guys watch that Twin Flame documentary?
I watched a little bit of it.
Did you like it?
It's fucking wild.
Did you get to the part
where they all start transitioning?
Yes.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
What's going on?
What is this?
It's fucking insane.
And dude, it's still around.
I went on like,
if you ever watch a good show
or documentary
and then you go on Reddit
and you look at the community,
dude, I looked up the Reddit.
It's just the cult's Reddit.
It's like, it's not – it wasn't like –
They didn't technically do anything illegal, which is wild.
So they can't bust them, but it's so fucked up.
It's pretty much just like a dude who's like –
they come up with this whole scam to get people to meet their twin flame,
which is like their soulmate.
Yeah.
And then how do they get to the – is it like they run out of men?
There's not enough men?
They basically – they take the path of least resistance where if you come to me and you're like, I want to figure out who my soulmate is, I'll just ask you some questions like, who are your friends?
Do you have any women that are interested in you?
And basically they just pick the path of least resistance where they have to do the least amount of work.
So if you're like, I've never really dated, but I have this friend Gary that I'm really close with you're like okay well you're either gay or a woman that's like literally what
they do they just like they immediately they just want to do no work they just want to collect money
so whatever i can whoever you're closest to they're just like yeah well one of their one of
their theses was that everyone in the relationship either has is male or a woman a man or a woman and sometimes
it's switched so like you should transition yeah you both should transition but you don't it's
never that it's the it's like the main dude who decides it would be literally like if you were in
this room right now and it was like oh mook and titus are friends and then i'd be like oh well
one of you guys is a woman and you just don't know yeah yeah so and then all of them would be like oh shit i guess i've never felt that way but i guess you're right i am a woman yeah and then I'd be like, oh, well, one of you guys is a woman and you just don't know it yet. Yeah, yeah. And then all of them would be like, oh, shit,
I guess I've never felt that way, but I guess you're right,
I am a woman.
Yeah.
And then they would fully transition.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Yeah, it was crazy.
But it started off with, like, it started off with just being like,
oh, yeah, I'm Harry.
There's this girl that I know and we're really good friends.
And they'd be like, you have to pursue that.
That's your twin flame.
You have to pursue that.
And then they, like, it just, like, they ran out of people who were like actually new people and
then they just started that's what i mean like the path of least resistance where you're like i i want
to find my soulmate and they're like well who's in your pool yeah i dated this woman for four years
she broke up with me she won't return my calls and they're just like that was your soulmate
you know what you should go try to get her back.
And then it turns into people getting like restraining
orders.
Where did this happen?
Dude, it's like still going
on. Where is it?
All the meetings were over
Zoom in the documentary.
Oh, shit.
Is it like a pandemic thing?
We need to go on it, Nick, and just be like, I'm a huge Alexandra Daddario fan.
Yeah, that's your twin play.
But they would be like, hunt her.
Find her.
And then they'd be like, oh, no, you're actually a woman.
And then I have to, she's actually a man, so you're going to have to break that news to her at some point.
Once you guys get in contact.
Wait, what is it on?
It was on Netflix or Hulu.
I think it was Netflix.
I'm very upset that Grant Cardone's Scientologist.
What is the video you said he was mentoring someone?
Yeah, he's mentoring someone who's in sales.
We watched this.
Oh, he did?
It's pretty bad.
It's like him standing over a salesperson's shoulder
and yelling at them whenever they say something wrong, basically.
I think he like makes all of his new employees film themselves while they're first starting out.
Yeah, I could find it.
I would tell you guys, I have a friend who she, when she was growing up, she went to the mall one day in Missouri and there were Scientologists.
And she's like, I don't know, like 15.
She like signed up just being like oh they're
friendly people and every single year since then so like 20 years plus they've sent her a handwritten
letter and she's moved many times but they find out find out and they're like how you doing like
just wanted to check in see how's everything going in life 20 years that's the
guy who i'm talking about he like found like like basically found the cops and they're in on it like
the cops walking by why don't you do anything everybody's in on it it's like deep especially
in los angeles what is i don't even know i don't know anything about it except for that like a
bunch of it's uh it's made by a sci-fi author yeah oh really l ron hubbard yeah what do they believe uh they believe you it's like you get a bill you're
in a you enter a billion year contract or something like that there's levels we we were an alien race
that had to flee but just the souls and then we found human husks yeah and so we're the souls of
an alien race and then the the the leader of it his wife hasn't been seen for like 10 years.
And there's a dude, David Miscavige, that took over as the leader of it.
That's a great documentary.
Sounds like a good movie.
His wife has just not been seen in public in forever.
Going Clear is the documentary.
It's awesome.
Isn't Tom Cruise in it?
It's an awesome movie.
Yeah, so they get a lot of actors, a ton of actors.
And everybody who enters, they immediately take all of your information and enter.
They open up credit cards and rack you up to $100,000 in debt immediately,
so you can't get out.
They put you in a financial room immediately.
Oh, do they do the public humiliation stuff too?
You're thinking of the Proud Boys?
It might have been the Illuminati. Oh. Yeah, i don't think the proud boys it might have been the illuminati oh yeah i don't think it's i don't know do they have do they have scientology
churches here i've really seen probably but i got i got so used to seeing them i think they
have everywhere i think they're yeah i was the gym leader on pokemon go of the scientology they're
not like yeah la it's like they're the nicest place yeah yeah you drive by you're like wait
what is that oh it's scientology what was mad place. Yeah, yeah. You drive by and you're like, wait, what is that?
Oh, it's Scientology.
What was Madonna?
What was the one she was in?
I think she was.
They wore like a red bracelet.
It was like a yoga.
Oh, that's a Kabbalah.
Well, I have a red bracelet, but it was a Mexican waiter gave it to me and said it keeps away evil spirits.
Yeah, dude, you're a member of Kabbalah.
So I just think.
Has it worked?
I just assumed it would help me with gambling.
That has not worked.
I don't...
I guess?
It might have helped you and you don't know it.
You might have been on peace.
Listen, if someone gives me something and they're like,
it's going to help your luck, I will wear it forever.
I have the one necklace you got me.
Yeah.
San Cayetano.
The patron saint of gambling.
Dude, Jack Mack had an interesting theory yesterday.
The freshman dorm theory.
You guys heard about that?
What's Jack Mack's freshman dorm theory?
How your freshman dorm, how it's
quote-unquote randomized, kind of dictates
your future. Well, yeah.
If you're in a partying dorm or
a relaxed dorm. Well, think about this.
You have friends
from college that if you met them as adults,
you probably wouldn't be friends with them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you're just thrown into it.
Right.
So did you guys befriend all of your dorm mates?
I befriended zero people from my freshman dorm.
I hated all of them.
Well, my roommate was my friend.
Not even my roommate.
I have like four very good friends and then more later on in the years.
But yeah.
My freshman dorm was so bad that I left
and went to Rutgers instead.
Wait, where'd you go first?
Montclair State University.
Whoa.
Is that where Frank went?
Frank?
Yes.
That's where Frank went.
Yeah, Frank went there.
Yeah, Frank did.
My friend Bo went to Ole Miss.
He went to Ole Miss for a year,
and his freshman roommate was a full-on Nazi,
and he would be on his laptop looking at photos of drawings
of Nazi planes flying into the Empire State Building
and the Statue of Liberty, and it was his screensaver.
Is that what Nazis believe in?
I think he was just obsessed with Nazi Germany.
Damn.
Yeah.
Nicky Smokes went to every school in Florida.
Didn't your boy Bo go to Tampa?
No, that's Nate.
What?
Finally, Nate.
Oh, that hurts.
Finally, Nate.
Shout out to Nate.
About time.
Nate's got to be a patient-ass man.
Those sneezes hurt your back.
No, no.
Am I ever bringing up Peters?
Yeah, all the time. He's a good one. Bo's going to come on Son of a your back. No, no. I'm better. You ever bring up Peters? I really do. Yeah, all the time.
He's a good one.
Bo's going to come on
Son of a Boy Dad.
What?
Subscribe.
Subscribe to Son of a Boy Dad
for sure.
He's going to be a big guest.
A huge guest.
Yeah, we got some
big things planned.
That's like your milf hunter.
Yeah, it's going to be
a big one.
We can't even have his face
on cam like George Costanza's boss.
Really?
Yeah, we probably shouldn't.
Or it'll be like mysterious.
It will ruin it a little.
Or at the very end,
maybe the last minute
of the show we can.
Yeah.
Or put it behind a paywall.
Yeah.
Barstool TV
slash Bo.
A big happy birthday
shout out to the quadriplegic
we accidentally doxed,
Brawley.
Oh, it's his birthday?
Yes, it is his birthday today.
Me and Kyle.
You guys are all friends with him. Yeah, but Brawley likes everybody here. Oh. Except me. Shout out Brawley. Oh, it's his birthday? Yes, it is his birthday today. Me and Kyle are all friends with him. Yeah, but Brawley
likes everybody here.
Except me. Shout out Brawley. How does
doxing him go into affect his life at all?
Not at all. I don't think it can get worse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were going to have him on the pod. I mean, I'm just being honest.
We were going to have him on the pod and he had to cancel because he was
in too much constant pain.
Oh, God.
Sorry, too much constant pain. That's a reasonable Yeah. Sorry, too much constant pain.
That's a reasonable excuse.
Yeah, I thumbs-upped it.
Yeah, you did.
He texted us.
He was like, I'm having a bad week.
Shut up, Raleigh.
That was like your fucking fella.
Don't want to dox him again, but he does live on M-Rod's.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
When Mook gave us a fella, they were like, that's right.
My fella wasn't in peace.
He was just drinking.
And Mook's like, this is kind of nice.
It was just a guy in a wheelchair who couldn't move.
He was trying to kill himself.
He was drinking like a daiquiri.
And Luke's like, see how cool this is?
A daiquiri alcoholic is hilarious.
He's like, I can't play.
It's like a mudslide alcoholic.
He had to bring a blender into the bathroom.
Putting a daiquiri in a flask.
That guy was having a great time.
No, he was not.
No, he was not.
All right, TJ, someone's got to eat a steak.
Oh, no.
He has to eat a steak.
Yeah.
Here, do the ad read, Brandon.
I'm going to take a piss.
And then we have to figure out, maybe we just spin the wheel,
someone gets a steak.
I have a meat.
Delicious.
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KB, you remember when you threw that paper airplane through a tire?
That was so cool.
That was awesome.
Yeah, thank you guys.
And no one else could.
No one else could on like 20.
Everybody had more than 20 tries.
I wish you guys would have done it too.
Yeah.
I think about that every day.
Every day.
You guys missed ball kicking day.
What?
Ball kicking day. I don't remember ball kicking day i don't remember ball kicking day
we just had ball kicking day oh yeah that was awesome gee what was ball kicking day we had
to kick it in the middle of the oh what room oh yeah that's not i was kb you think i could throw
that accurately you think i could throw that fucking time i think i could throw that accurately
we just proved with the last conversation that kB is the most accurate paper airplane thrower,
and I'm not even close to as accurate as him.
Pop you in the jaw.
Do the read.
I just smelled the steak, by the way.
Yeah, Donnie's coming in like two minutes.
We can't do the challenge for people that are asking because I don't think we can show it,
but the entire court is covered by the surviving barstool set right now.
Yeah, tomorrow I think a lot of people will still be around.
The hoops are up. So we'll get like Jeff D. Lowe, hopefully fights, Kevin, whoever else wants to do it.
We'll get them all out here.
So we need to figure out a way to decide who gets today's steak.
Just do a wheel.
Yeah, just do a wheel.
One wheel.
One glorious name.
Last night was so much fun
Why don't we all give ourselves paper cuts
And whoever gets the longest paper cut
Gets the name
Oh
Yeah
Okay
We gotta do
Son of a Boy Dad live soon
Yeah you're doing it too
I have to do advisors at two
Okay
I don't know if anyone set it up
Or anything though
We might do it in here
I think
Stephanie said you're good
Yeah you're doing it.
You guys want me to come on
Son of a Boy Dead?
Yes.
You guys want me.
I have a radio hit at four,
but I have nothing at three,
and I can also do after four.
The radio hits 20 minutes.
We'll talk.
We'll talk.
One of those will work.
My guys will talk to your guys.
We'll figure it out.
I'm here.
I'm here for you boys.
Whatever you need. Awesome. I would love to go guys. We'll figure it out. I'm here. I'm here for you boys. Whatever you need.
Awesome.
I would love to go on.
What is this for?
Who gets the steak?
Yeah.
I want it.
I'm really hungry.
I'm starving.
It smells so good.
Is it an Omaha steak?
I'm concerned.
I've peed like eight times this morning.
I've peed three times this show.
Well, you were a booze hound last night.
I got a little drunk last night.
Dude.
Jay.
Yes, bro. This fucking guy. Jay, you got to eat it cross-le a little drunk last night. Jay, yes, bro.
This fucking guy.
Jay, you got to eat it cross-legged in the middle of the floor, though.
Yeah.
With chopsticks.
Yeah, with chopsticks.
And a rice hat.
No.
Is it ready?
It's about to be.
Damn. But you got to get your cross-legged ass set up first. Is it ready? It's about to be Damn
But you gotta get your cross-legged
Ass set up first
Man I can't wait for people to watch the Christmas episode
That shit was so funny
The gifs were very good
There's three words that derail the entire show
Yes they do
In a hilarious way.
It really was.
If you had to show someone what pure yak is, it's...
It's us getting hung up on that.
Yeah, like a two-plus-hour show.
An offhanded comment that Nick made because he was bombed.
Yeah, hammered.
It turned into the entire ethos of the show.
Yeah, my bad.
Just not able to give gifts to each other
in any normal fashion.
Nick was shit-faced last night.
Yeah.
Sass had an aspartame high.
Nick tried to fuck me after you guys all left.
I would have, too, if it wasn't.
I couldn't get it up.
And that's no slight on you.
No.
I bet you ever you're just covered in shit.
Wait, we can't show
the basketball courts so people can't see what it is?
Break the rules, TJ.
Dave said he's
firing people that are spoiling.
I'm not going to be the one.
People will be shocked when they see this set.
It's going to blow
their fucking minds.
No spoiler, but there's a set. It looks exactly like the one in new york that's just what's that
it is the set yeah it is bigger i'm not gonna be the one that people are gonna find out that the
that the plants aren't real oh no people are gonna find out that those are no those are real
who are those dudes have you ever seen a camera or sound guy not wear a dark tone shirt nope
i don't think it's possible that's a industry they're supposed to blend into the background Have you ever seen a camera or sound guy not wear a dark-toned shirt? Nope.
I don't think it's possible.
That's industry.
They're supposed to blend into the background.
Oh.
That's why.
But we had that conversation.
Do people grow up looking like sound and background guys? Yes.
Or do they become that once they get the job?
Because they all look the same.
They all look the same.
Sass, your buddy Bo kind of looks like a sound guy.
Now that you say that, he does. One thing i love about sound guys they have every type of
tape they love to just ask they got a belt you got a belt of tape they love taping the ground
yeah every sound guy that mics me up i make the same joke i'm like thank god you have warm hands
and they never say anything i try to nibble their hands.
There's got to be some days that are awesome for them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rebecca Romijn's getting miked up.
Yeah.
And her blue painted up mystique costume.
My God, JLC.
Sorry, I'm going to have to mic you up.
No, JLC's single now.
Jerry O'Connell?
Isn't he single now?
No.
Are you sure Oh no
He was on
He was on Housewives recently
And like the girls
Were going crazy over him
Oh no
Oh no
Please don't
Are you sure
That he's still with
Because he was
On this
This year
Of one of the
Housewives franchises
And people were like
Oh no
Oh no
You gonna check
You about to text him
Oh no We're good He's still married to her But do they have like Housewives franchises, and people were like, oh, no. Oh, no. You got a check? You about to text him? Oh, no.
We're good.
He's still married to her.
But do they have, like, a situation ship?
Yeah, actually.
So they have.
You're going to call him and ask?
Yeah, this is ruining my day.
We'll just see what the deal is when he was on Housewives.
This is going to be awkward.
Wait, what are you going to ask him?
It might be awkward.
Wait, this is awkward? Yes!
Super awkward.
I didn't want to play that out in my head.
You guys made his Wikipedia.
Oh, cool. Personal life section.
Dude, he's the best. That's really cool.
He came out. We wanted
him to have him on for our
fantasy football preview.
We're like, yeah yeah when can you zoom
and he's like no i'll just come out he just flew out he flew from la landed at 10 a.m did the show
got back on a plane walked into the office shook the hands of every single person in the office
said hi i'm jerry yeah hi i'm jerry brought a briefcase with nothing in it yeah that was
incredible yeah call him and ask if he's uh... No, no, no, no. Is your marriage falling apart?
I think you're wrong.
Well, why were the women on the housewives
going gaga over him?
And he's also like...
But they made him seem very eligible.
Oh, no.
If I do say so myself.
Yeah.
I love it.
J-O-C.
All right, I'll call him back.
That's just...
No, I'm not...
That's just how Hollywood operates. Did he get the ring? I think... So now you have to. So you butt-t-C. All right, I'll call him back. That's just how Hollywood operates.
Did he get the ring?
I think.
So now you have to.
Say you butt-tiled him.
Or just be like, what was up with you on Housewives?
It seemed like those girls were all over you type of thing.
Talk about that experience as opposed to asking.
Is it because your marriage fell apart?
Yeah.
Bolly that one.
Just lob that one.
You know what you should do?
You should just subtly ask
If you can talk to his wife
Like can you put your wife on the phone
I have a question
And then he'll be like
She's not here
Or sure she's right here
Yeah
Spin the wheel
Who has to call him
Spin the wheel
Who's getting the steak
No don't do it
Don't do it
Just be like
I think I
Is your wife in Chicago
I think I just saw your wife in Chicago Yes And then I'd be like I think I Is your wife in Chicago? I think I just saw your wife in Chicago
Yes
And then I'd be like
My wife?
And then you'd be like
Life
What if that ruins the relationship?
Yeah
Who the fuck is that?
Yeah don't say that
Don't say that
Actually don't call him
I can't handle this
Yeah
She said she was on a girls trip
Oh
Hey Jerry Yeah. She said she was on a girl's trip. Oh. That's the last mistake.
Tomorrow we have to do something with the pork chop.
Mr. Cat.
Pork chop.
Hey, Jerry.
Jay, let me get a piece.
Jerry, I had a football question for you.
Is your wife around?
No, my wife isn't around.
I was actually just in Philly.
I was going to send a photo to Max.
Oh, by the way, we're live on our YouTube show.
So actually, listen jerry
you're a good friend of mine i wanted to just get right down to it roan who you don't know
who's a phenomenal guy he's a big housewives fan okay and he said that you went on bravo
the wrap-up show with andy cohen and the women were going crazy for you. For me? Yeah.
I don't recall.
Was it a specific time?
Was it a specific time, Rowan?
It wasn't the Andy show.
It was one of the actual shows.
It was one of the actual shows.
The women were going crazy for you,
and then he was like, is he still married?
I was like, yes, of course he is.
Yeah, I'm married to a supermodel.
You can look it up.
That's why I love you, Jerry.
All right, that's all.
I was going to have a heartbreaking day if something had happened, but it hasn't.
No, why?
Has something bad happened?
No, I know.
Rone put the thought.
He just said the women were going crazy for you.
Adam Ferone. Adam Ferone.
He lives in Brooklyn.
No, I mean, I did.
I mean, last I spoke to my wife, we got in an argument,
but she made like a statement or something.
I know.
No, hey, how's the fantasy?
When I left the house, she was angry.
Hey, I got to come on here.
I got to apologize for some of my fantasy choices.
It's really been, people have really been saying some really rude things to me,
and I do feel guilty.
I have to come on the apology tour.
Yeah, let's do it next week.
We'll do it, and we'll put it out on Christmas week.
A little family reunion.
I don't know if Maxie is listening right now, but I just was in Philly,
and I got to tell you, emotions are not positive there right now.
It's bad.
Cry, Eagles, cry.
There's trash cans with Slay spray painted on them.
It's crazy.
And people, it's so crazy because as a Jets fan,
like we've been dealing with this for decades.
Like we've been dealing with this for millennia.
They have two bad games and already people have got to get fired.
It's true.
That's true. You need to chill in that town. Chill out out you were in the super bowl last year yeah i agree all right i'm gonna send max some photos of me and philly but yeah i'm still married and um
i i like i like the housewives i mean i i don't think anyone was
uh like fawning over me but i mean i, I'll take it. They're all really hot. Yeah.
And you're really hot.
Alright, I'll text you after and we'll set up a time for next week.
Tell him to look it up.
She's a legit, like, supermodel.
Listen, I'm not kidding.
I'm not like OnlyFans. I'm not like these kids
doing an actual, like, fashion
runway with an agent. like a real model.
All right, Jerry, I'll text you later, all right?
Tell Max I'm sitting next to someone who's going to Villanova.
Oh, okay.
I will.
All right, I'll talk to you later, Jerry.
See you.
All right, see you.
That was great.
That was the best.
What an answer.
Great response. That was great. That was a great response.
Look her up.
Yeah, that was clear.
Last time I talked about what I see on Housewives.
Yeah.
He's the fucking best.
God damn it.
He's so funny.
I'm dating a supermodel.
Yeah, look it up.
Not an OnlyFans.
A real one.
An actual one.
With an agent.
Yeah, I mean, i know him well enough i had to just we had to cut through we got to the bottom yeah i couldn't do the i want to see i want i just want to see the scene though because they were
really being like oh my god jerry o'connell's here blah blah blah i'm gonna text him okay does
he have bucks fan i don't know if i know no He sent out a tweet like a month or two ago that was like,
hey, I'm looking for a Bucs fan.
I want to text during the games.
And I got tagged in a lot.
And then he followed me.
So I'd like to speak with him.
I think he probably just has a fantasy player on the team.
Ah, okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
He's a Jets fan.
I'm looking up his wife right now.
You don't know Rebecca Romaine?
No.
Gee!
So hot. She's a supermodel dude look her up so you think she has an agent 100 that's so funny he's the best what what housewives are you on right now i've
been i football season i don't watch housewives but I miss it I watch them all And the New York cast
Has it gotten better?
I like the new New York cast
There's one
We still have to do
Are you talking about the new one?
Or the old New York cast?
There's a whole new cast
We would fucking crush it
If we did a Bravo podcast
Oh my god
It would clean up
But it's just
We gotta do it
Out of football season
I know
But if we did it once a week
Bravo recap
It just like It didn't even have to It doesn't even have to be that long Just touch on Touch on the ones we watch Yeah We've got to do it out of football season. I know. If we did it once a week, Bravo recap.
It doesn't even have to be that long.
Just touch on the ones we watch.
Yeah.
I watch fucking damn near every show on Bravo, dude.
I'm locked the fuck in. Let's try to do that this year.
I'm down.
I'm not scared.
It would do crazy.
It would be awesome.
Yeah, the people would love it.
And all those people, we could get them all on.
Yeah.
They would all come on.
All would come on.
And that wouldn't.
We'd probably have a booth at BravoCon next year.
And with the fan base that we would cultivate,
if either of our marriages got bad,
we'd have just a farm system.
Yeah, of 56-year-old women from Potomac.
Bravo.
My wife.
You should start watching Bravo, dude.
I think you'd like it.
It's fun.
It's wrestling for women.
Yes.
It's so fun.
I'm not a woman.
But you like wrestling.
I do.
They're so catty.
And you like women.
Yeah.
And they're hot.
I like Top Chef.
Top Chef?
I used to watch Top Chef back in the day.
Top Chef's good.
Top Chef?
Top Chef.
I'm talking about Real Housewives of Potomac.
Vanderpump Rules.
Is that the one?
I never got into Vanderpump.
That's the thing.
Is Marcelus Wiley on one?
Incredible.
He's got a wife.
Yeah, or he pops in.
His wife is on there.
Yeah.
His wife is like a sassy.
How many different cities we got?
A lot.
Atlanta, New York, New Jersey.
Is there Miami?
There's two New York ones now. There's like a new cast in New York. Yeah, New York, New Jersey. Is there Miami? There's two New York ones now.
There's like a new cast in New York.
Yeah, there's...
Is Tinsley still doing her fucking thing?
No, Tinsley's kind of falling.
Beverly Hills, Orange County was the original.
Orange County.
I don't like Orange County.
That's the one that I really like.
They got Dubai, don't they?
Salt Lake City.
They're all blonde in that.
Oh, Salt Lake City?
Isn't there like a Dubai?
Dubai.
It's Dubai.
It might have got canceled.
Or I don't know if they're just.
It's on Peacock, I believe.
Zai, are you a big Housewives guy?
Oh, yeah.
All the Bravo shows, Trash Reality TV. Zai, you can produce the show.
Well, don't laugh.
I mean, if you need.
Yeah, if you need.
What the hell?
We need.
No, I mean, I didn't mean it, but I loved it.
We need to have a good ass name because there's like, I think we're called like Bravo Bros or something like that. We need something I mean I didn't mean it I didn't mean it But I loved it We need to have a good ass name
Cause there's like
I think we're called like
Bravo Bros
Or something like that
We need something better
Yeah
Something that really
Describes what the
What the podcast would be about
And that's talking Bravo
Nick you sure you don't
Want to start watching Bravo
I've seen
The majority of
Housewives of New York
Okay
So you can be on it too
Ah KB Bravo? I've seen the majority of Housewives of New York. Okay. So you can be on it too.
KB?
I just started Summer House.
Okay. Summer House is pretty good.
That's in the same genre.
Is Summer House Bravo?
Yes.
What's below deck?
Also Bravo. That's Bravo as well. What shows does Bravo have?
It's a channel.
I know what it is, but it's...
They got a lot of shows.
He's got one show.
I watched Below Deck to get pussy one time.
Did it work?
Yep.
What?
She was like, you want to come over and watch Below Deck?
And I was like...
Do you want to blow dick?
You know what I mean?
Did you guys watch an episode?
How many episodes? We watched like a few episodes.
Wait, hold on.
Let's go back to what Ron said.
What does he mean by blow dick?
What do you mean below dick?
What do you mean below dick?
Below dick.
Below dick.
Like blow.
Oh.
Oh.
It's just fucking wordplay master.
Oh.
My Rushmore battle rapper.
My boy Spud almost got onto Summer House
He was a finalist
Spud the firefighter?
Yes
The firefighter that insulted
Who ruined Francis' July 4th?
He's always up to something
I love that guy
I've never met him
I've never met him
But I love him
He was so close to getting onto Summer
He was like down to one
Him or another guy
He was already ordering the testosterone
And steroids that it would have taken
Oh that would have been awesome.
And then Francis
made a couple calls
and made sure
it would never happen.
Made a call to Jesse Waters.
Look, this is not a guy
you want on TV.
Not a Harvard man.
All right,
so we got to get,
we got to switch over
to Son of a Boy Dad.
We got to spin our wheel.
Spin our wheel.
That was the best one yet.
Oh.
Big Cat, you want a piece?
No.
Wait, our wheel is fucked.
Our wheel's so fucked because we went back in time.
Or we went forward in time.
Yeah.
Our wheel's fucked.
We need a wheel reset so bad.
Congrats to Roan also.
Why?
Roan? Why? Congrats to Roan also. Why? Roan?
Why?
Congrats to Roan.
Congrats.
Congratulations, Roan.
For what?
Why?
Million streams.
Oh, it's not on the screen.
Oh.
Hey.
Whoa.
Oh, hell yes.
What the hell?
Hell yes.
Love that.
Holy shit, bro.
I'm a fucking legend.
Rock star.
Jack of all trades.
You're the best.
And master of a lot.
Of a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're a master of a lot.
So many different colors.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Please.
All right.
I can't do mousetrap again
My fingy
No spoilers
Oh shit
But we don't have the court
So we'll have to do whatever we hit tomorrow
Alright so
Promise that we'll do whatever we hit tomorrow
Yeah
People can understand that
They probably won't
okay all right oh that's a problem yeah there's this like pucker up or something roll up roll up roll up, roll up. Oh, fuck. What is that?
Oh, we got to roll up.
We can't do it.
You have 15 minutes to get a random friend to roll up.
Yeah.
And if you can't, then you have to eat.
You have to do a combined eating of fruit roll ups and roll up and down the court.
Are we doing this now?
Roll up, roll up, roll up.
What do you mean roll like a friend?
We could.
Roll up.
You have to be like, can you get here on the yak right now?
And so we're spinning a name to see who has to do it?
Or are we all calling?
Can't do it now because we don't have the court.
That gives them 24 hours.
No, they could still roll up the court.
No, I think.
Yeah, but I think what you're trying to say is that now,
he theoretically can go home and I could call my friends and be like, hey, tomorrow be ready for the call.
Between now and next Thursday, I will just randomly say, TJ, roll up, roll up, roll up.
Yep.
Okay.
And we'll be set.
All right.
And we'll just do it.
So if you don't know what day it's going to be.
I got some cats.
And then we'll spin the wheel so you don't even know what, Steven.
Why don't we do the friend thing now and then do the punishment?
Well, because they have to do Son of a Boy Dad at 2.
Ah, okay, okay.
And if you get the friend to come, you don't have to do the punishment.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
So we'll just have it be completely random.
This reminds me of pull-up, pull-up, or pull-up,
where you have to have one of your friends pull up,
or you have to do a pull-up and a pair of pull-ups.
No, I don't think this is.
Actually, that's where I got it from.
How are you making that connection?
I guess, yeah, I guess that's different because a friend would be pulling up, not rolling up.
The roll, by the way, it's one length of the court counts as one.
How many rolls do you have to do?
You have to do a combined hundred of rolls or fruit roll-ups.
I know. A hundred? I Of rolls or fruit roll-ups. I know.
100?
I'd probably just go 50-50.
I'd probably go 100 fruit roll-ups.
We'll just put someone in picture in a picture while they're just rolling around the court.
I just know I got homies.
I'm ready.
Yeah.
All right.
So it'll be random.
Between now and next Thursday, I will randomly say, hey, TJ, hit the roll-up, roll-up, or
roll-up.
I'm sending that out.
Apologies to everyone. We don't have use of the phone. Can I just get one clarification? It is side roll, hit the roll-up, roll-up, or roll-up. I'm sending out apologies to everyone. We don't have use of the
Can I just get one clarification?
It is side roll, not front roll.
Correct? However you want to roll.
Any roll. You can front roll or you can side roll.
Yeah. Okay. I thought roll-up was gonna be
like smoke a little grass.
Shit. Bring it.
In Chicago, that's all
you guys do out here. For real.
I play basketball and golf.
Dispensaries all over the place.
Legal as fuck.
How's the chat taking this, TJ?
Not well?
Eh, probably fine.
Luckily, it's confusing enough to where maybe they just won't get it. Here's the thing.
If name wheel is going to be a prominent feature and we have to do it then,
we should start doing the wheel earlier you're probably right wow that way we would have to be able to actually do it i want to put cry on the name wheel i just people have to
understand there's a huge fucking set on the basketball court there's literally no entire
court you roll up roll up roll up i think I could cry. I like crying.
We were talking about that yesterday.
I was like, that's a pretty funny idea.
I can't leave until you cry.
But from emotion, not from just keeping your eyes open.
Yeah.
I could.
Oh, look what you've done.
You've made a work for everyone.
Brandon, just bringing back some emotions.
Oh, it must be
fun to spend
the summer
boating
in the sun.
It really was.
I'll tell you, I'll see what I do next summer.
What do you do next summer?
Nothing.
Yeah, but you don't have...
Sounds worse.
Where are you going to move to to avoid work for three months?
I'm moving somewhere.
You're moving again?
Sheboygan?
Kenosha.
Oh, I thought you meant you were moving houses.
That was a joke.
You were doing a bit?
Not really a bit.
That was good shit.
That was very quick. It's fucking good shit. The really a bit. That was good shit. That was very quick.
It's fucking good shit. The more attention you bring to it, the more it sticks out. You two have
zero fucking chemistry. No.
I'm so sick of this motherfucker. Can't wait to get back
to the city. The real city.
This fucking... Not as much as I hate Rome, but...
Oh, fucking...
The part that you're underwater on? I'll punch you in the...
The mortgage that you're underwater on? First of punch you in the mortgage that you're underwater on.
First of all, I don't have a mortgage.
Completely underwater.
Hell yeah.
First of all, I don't own my shit.
Never fucking will.
Don't fucking accuse me of that.
Don't fucking accuse me of building lifelong equity for me and my future family.
That's not happening.
I have a net worth of zero, bitch.
All right.
And roll up, roll up, roll up at work, too, because we don't know who's doing it right now.
So we'll be random.
Yeah.
It'll be fine.
Also, make sure you roll up, roll up, roll up to Son of a Boy Dad Live.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Ten minutes.
Three.
Starting then.
Three minutes.
Three minutes.
We'll be a little late.
All right.
See everyone tomorrow. Go watch Son of a Boy Dad, please.
And then watch Surviving Tonight, please.
Alright, love you, bye.