The Yak - KB's Ritz Cracker Dance Is A Marketing Agency's Dream | The Yak 7-15-22
Episode Date: July 15, 2022The Return of KlemmerYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Hello!
Hello!
What the fuck, dude?
Fuck. Turn it. There fuck, dude? Fuck.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Don't have a magnet against your monitor.
There's nothing to adjust.
That's just how KB looks today.
What is that?
This is Balls Beachwear.
Whoa.
The release hasn't dropped.
Beach Rehoboth.
Balls has been working tirelessly.
Fire Island?
Yeah.
He's been around the clock in the textile mill.
He's been looking at textiles, making sure.
He was telling me how he was feeling one of them,
and thread count wasn't high enough.
He screamed.
His method is he rubs it on his mouth.
He rubs it all up on his lips.
That's how he can tell with a right.
And that's just pretty perfect.
Have you rubbed it on your face yet?
It's so comfortable.
Rudy, did the yak interrupt your lunch?
Yeah, what the?
Yeah, it did.
This is kind of bullshit, but whatever.
You're all wearing good.
We got the kitten shirt on Rudy Roan.
I love the flower hat.
I love it.
The flower hat.
That's my boy from Philly who makes these.
My boy, Alexander Charles.
That shit's...
Shout out to your boy.
What about your boy?
Alexander Charles.
Did he sell his shit online?
Yes, Alexander Charles.
Flower Child Studios, bro.
His shit is so tough, dude. I wear like everything that he makes and he was a rapper he just he's a
philly rapper who's just like you know what i'm gonna do some fashion shit and he's just like a
artistic talented ass dude can i shout out my guy yeah and i'm gonna shout out my guy i got this
from my boy vintage mike that's vintage though but that's like, he just found that. He didn't make that, though.
I love it.
No, he didn't make it,
but he's my boy.
We're just hyping up our boys.
Shout out to Midwest Closet.
Midwest.closet,
go to their site.
I bought my
Puttin' Bay shirt there.
I just have so much more respect
for people that actually
make the clothes
than the people who just
resell the clothes, though.
You guys all have boys.
I have a void
that needs to be filled by boys,
so if there's any boys out there,
let's run up the score on Midwest Closet.
I actually just got this
vintage person in Indianapolis reached out to me
because they heard the Lights, Camera, Bar stool,
the I want to be better at fashion, I was saying,
and they're going to send me a whole...
What? They said they're going to do my fashion for me.
Was it the Select Boys? No, it wasn't.
Shout out to them, too.
What are they going to put you in? What kind of shit are they going to drape you out in? I don't know.
I sent them my size.
Which is a small in ladies, by the way.
What is it going to be?
Are they going to put you in some big pants? Some chef's
clothes? I feel like if you just dress like a
chef, it's fashionable.
I feel like I have to wear whatever they send me.
It's probably a chef outfit, I'm sure.
Double-breasted shit?
Do you think you could make a scuba suit look cool in the office?
Yeah, I could try.
A metal one?
Like an old diving suit.
Yeah.
The Cuba Gooding Jr. dip?
Yeah, I was going to say, Kate.
The old mask.
The old scary mask.
I was going to say, Kate, I think that there's opportunity for you to become like a tactical mom.
Yeah, become like a cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tactical.
Sertex?
Yeah. Start wearing like 5'11 tactical. put your kid in like a yeah yep start going extra military vibes with everything i thought bulletproof vests are
against the law now though no but there would be no plate in it it would be a baby they actually
sell it's like the actual plate carrier material a military veteran makes them um and it looks like
a flak jacket but it is a baby carrier but it is like the flak jacket, but it is a baby carrier. But it is like the flak.
It's for men.
It's for like military dads to wear their babies around.
You just can't wear a bulletproof vest?
I heard that.
Is that legal to not get shot?
I heard that.
I guess it's so.
I wouldn't let someone as a cop,
wouldn't make them take it off.
No, at gunpoint you have to take it off,
but it's probably, I mean, you just get lit up.
You got to aim for the head.
I've never been in an area where I think there are bullets ensuing.
No?
No.
Never?
I never even was scared of getting shot.
Really?
How about the close aftermath of a crime scene?
Like walking up on a place.
I've never feared a bullet.
I've never feared a bullet.
That's lucky of me.
You've definitely never been to Colorado then, brother.
Yeah, they were shooting everywhere.
Shooting everywhere in Colorado?
It's a regular shoot-em-up.
It's like a Clint Eastwood flick.
Arizona, every street sign just has like you're out on the highway
and every highway sign is just riddled with bullets.
Makes it look cooler.
It does.
You were in East St. Louis at midnight.
Okay, yeah, that was the one time.
Yeah.
It wasn't East. It was just regular St. Louis, midnight. Okay, yeah, that was the one time. Yeah. It wasn't east.
It was just regular St. Louis, but it was scary.
It would have been uncouth of them to shoot you.
Some tourist.
A real faux pas.
Yeah, it would have been frowned upon by the community.
Got no hoopla.
Yeah, it wouldn't have been cool.
Dude, you know what else wasn't cool?
When I started ripping on your boy for supplying you with some vintage shit, dude.
Yeah, you were playing the game.
I already have remorse over that.
Well, I mean, you buried yourself, bro.
You're not getting any threads.
Fuck, dude.
I have a shocking lack of boys.
Well, you only have girls.
You always do this.
You always have a bunch of girls.
You have a good circle of friends.
Is Maresh chopped liver?
I feel like Maresh is like a superstar now.
He's got what we wanted out of him.
Now he's dead to me.
Used him up and spit him out.
The whole friendship is a ploy. Are you looking for
boys? I'm on a boy hunt.
Yeah? Yeah. I have a couple boys.
But can you have enough? Can you have
too many? Isn't there like a number? What's the number?
Isn't there, what's it called?
Who has the most boys? Something number? Eleven's it called? Who has the most boys?
The something number?
11?
Most boys?
Who has the most boys?
Um.
We had 12.
I don't know.
What kind of qualities are you looking for in a, in a.
Gandhi had boku boys.
You ever see the movie Gandhi?
Oh, yes.
There's just all those boys on the river with him.
He had a group of boys.
He would sleep, like he would sleep next to them.
Yeah, he would. Yeah, he would.
Was it not sweet that Gandhi
was played by a British dude?
Is that dude Indian?
No, he's not.
What's his name? Ben... fuck.
Foster.
Ben fuck.
His name's Ben fuck.
I remember that being an issue at the time.
It was an issue? I didn't know if people were mad about it because he kind of did a little bit of stage makeup.
Yeah, he caught a nice tan.
Yeah.
Ben Kingsley.
Ben Kingsley.
Yeah.
What a fucking pull.
I think it's cool to have boys, but I think it's even cooler to have a guy for things.
Like, Large will just be like, you know, my paella guy.
He comes over every Christmas Eve and makes us a giant.
I'm like, you have a paella guy?
I think having a guy is a one-sided relationship.
Having boys, you give back to them as well.
Right, okay.
You wouldn't understand.
I wouldn't.
Yeah, I wouldn't.
Do you think that says a lot about us, though?
That we need guys at this point?
We used to be renaissance men, do everything for ourselves.
And now you need guys.
You know, the ideal is to have a guy.
Yeah.
But even they had, like, a stable boy.
They had, like, little boys, like, along the way
that were, like, dotting, like, the road to being a man
is having a bunch of boys.
Da Vinci delivered himself.
He was a baby.
He had, like, squires and jesters.
Yeah, dude, they had a full stable of guys,
a comedy guy.
That's what a jester was, just a comedy guy. Or you have, like, I think it's fucking tight how they had, like, they had a full stable of guys, a comedy guy. That's what a jester was, just a comedy guy.
Or you have like a,
I think it's fucking tight how they had like courts.
They had like a different name for your friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, and you would just come around and...
But something happened to men.
I don't even know how to jump a T-Guan.
I was in college and the girl that lived next to me
asked me to help jump her car.
Couldn't jump the T-Guan.
What's a T-Guan?
It's like a T-Guan.
They make those, though? I was back in college. Oh, damn. You can jump the T-Guan. What's a T-Guan? It's like a T-Guan. They make those, though?
I was back in college.
Oh, damn.
Couldn't jump the T-Guan.
Did you attach the cables to the right?
I attached the cables, and I attached them to mine.
Nothing.
Nothing.
What about changing the tire?
I can do both.
On a T-Guan?
He could change a tire of a T-Guan?
Dependently.
She was T-Gone.
Changing tires is actually very satisfying.
It's a very satisfying act.
Changing tires?
Yeah, like if you have a flat and you change it,
you feel like a million fucking dollars after you do it.
Yeah, but there's something masculine
about standing on the side of the road like this.
Oh, in AAA?
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't think, I think I have my cards.
My mom has it.
I'm going to call my mom.
She has the card.
Okay, where's the car located i don't know
masculine act is just not getting smoked by a car on the side of the road masculine i could
be getting smoked by a car at the side of the road and living or just getting smoke dying is
the most masculine thing a man can do smoke to the death do you think that it's uh well first
off when you said jumping a tiguan i was I was thinking of like a Native American ritual of like a fire or a teepee.
Yeah, like a teepee.
We waited for it.
Leaping over it.
We went over to the Native American Studies building
and waited for one of the guys to walk out.
I'm hearing about the Shag.
He's 14.
They have enough infighting.
God bless them.
I know, dude.
If they could just get their numbers together.
If they just banded together, they'd be straight.
Sass, what's good, bro?
How's it going?
What are you thinking about?
Nothing, just taking it all in.
No, I saw your leg was going a second ago.
You were definitely thinking.
Oh, no, I have to take a shit really bad.
I'm entering that realm as well because I just finished eating.
Why don't you boys go back to back on the same unit?
Or face to face.
A little chocolate and vanilla swirl?
That would be tight.
That would be a bonding moment that would get you a boy for life.
Pooping together?
Pooping together.
Probably more intimate than sharing a sexual partner.
Definitely.
Definitely.
100%.
Poop.
Poop bros.
You were talking about butt stuff on the internet today, Kyle.
What?
What?
What?
It was a TikTok.
I was in it as well.
I saw it.
I was in it as well.
Talking about butt stuff.
Yeah, dude.
All big butt stuff.
You guys were all talking about butt stuff on the internet.
Eating it or fucking it?
Butt stuff.
So I'm not stuffing it.
Anything.
Like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I don't know.
I wouldn't let a girl eat my ass.
I feel like a lot of guys are anti-butt stuff.
But if you dipped your toe in it a little bit,
you'd be like, oh, actually.
Caught a finger.
If you caught a finger, you wouldn't mind.
No, I didn't mind.
It's more so I'm grossed out.
Was it accidental?
I've caught some fingers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Accidental.
Yeah, I've caught a bunch.
Did you sit on a hand?
What happened?
Yeah, the Ronald McDonald hand.
I thought you meant like you caught them, like you clenched them.
I think it's you have thin butt cheeks.
I thought you were catching them.
When girls spank you, they don't know.
Yeah, I've caught fingers, yeah.
Right.
It wasn't opposed.
But I probably wiggled out.
Yeah, you definitely wiggled out.
I've seen you wiggle out of things before.
Like the I will not be canceled thing.
I feel like that's how you got out of the...
I will not be fingered.
I will not be rimmed.
Just wanted to see what was good, dude.
She just wanted to explore.
A finger can be snuck in.
A tongue can...
There's no... I don't get ass eating. I don't get that. She just wanted to explore. A finger can be snuck in. A tongue can... There's no...
I don't get ass eating.
I don't get that.
I don't...
Yeah.
Yeah, it's...
That's poop.
I mean, it's just...
Yeah, it's people that just really want to live metal.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You do something that's so counter...
Against God that...
There has to be a ton of prep work, too.
Hooper had...
I've never gone into a situation
knowing I was going to have sex.
It's always a surprise for you?
Oh, hell yeah.
It's a surprise the whole time.
I should have cleaned my asshole.
But no.
That's one of my favorite Reddit threads to find,
is when dudes just talk about not cleaning their butts.
Maybe this isn't the show.
What? How many Reddit threads?
Cooper had a technique
where she just pushed up on the taint, not the
asshole, in between and
there was some sort of pressure.
That was probably one of her first 10 episodes.
Throw a couple nuts in there.
Oh, she's Oprah. Can we revisit this
conversation about how many times you guys have seen your butthole
in your life? No.
We've done it twice on the last show.
Well, Rudy's the guy.
Yeah, I mean, I said butthole guy.
50 a year, is it?
Yeah, I said probably 50 in my lifetime, maybe a couple times a year.
Well, that math would not add up, would it?
Yeah, it would.
Yeah, probably a couple times a year.
I don't think that that's that weird.
It's your butthole, bro.
It's yours.
You want to look at your own product.
It's just not easily accessible to the eyes. It's wildly accessible, dude. It's your butthole, bro. It's yours. You want to look at your own product. It's just not easily
accessible to the eyes. It's wildly accessible,
dude. It's because of a mirror.
Under the prep sheet, Steven put
fun game hyphen for
guys to lead.
If you had a pussy, how would you care for it?
Oh my god, that's a real thing he wrote down.
What type of maintenance would you do?
Steve, for guys
to lead.
You weren't supposed to say that part.
Oh, it wasn't in game.
For guys to lead, if you had a pussy, how would you care for it?
What type of maintenance would you do?
I thought it was a funny question based on...
Kate, you took the photo of me with all the tampons.
Oh, yeah, all the tampons. You're right.
Whatever next to me.
It's natural.
Because I feel like most people wouldn't know what to do.
I don't think I'd reinvent the pussy.
Steven, funny like what?
If we hypothetically had a pussy,
we probably would know what to do.
Right.
Probably just do what people have been doing for thousands of years.
Try and pivot from here.
You don't have one.
Oh, but I don't have one.
What type of maintenance would I do?
Are you asking if I'd shave my pussy?
There are a lot of questions around it.
What kind of maintenance do you do for your dick?
Wash it?
You shave it, wash it, yeah.
Like the normal things.
What answer were you looking for, Shay?
Do you guys think this is that crazy of a question?
Yeah, actually, it's even weirder than that.
It's crazy to...
It's not a crazy question to just bring up,
but the fact that you wrote this down
and then printed seven sheets of it
and handed them out to us.
Do penises have to worry about pH balance?
Yes.
Really?
I don't know, actually.
That's a good question.
Do you guys pee after sex?
Can guys get a yeast infection?
Yes, that's why you have to pee after sex.
Can you really?
I try to, yeah. Try to get a yeast infection? I. That's why you have to pee after sex. Can you really? Yeah. I try to, yeah.
Try to get a yeast infection?
I try to pee after I have sex.
I got a UD once.
Really?
Yeah.
Sucks.
I got a yeast infection.
No way.
Yeah, but I was in like sixth grade.
Oh, you weren't even fucking that much.
It was just from not being clean.
Oh.
What?
No, because guys get like enough Fremunda sometimes that it creates like a whole world.
Don't say that.
Don't say that. I'm just saying. Fremunda. Yeah it creates a whole world. Don't say that.
I'm just saying.
Fremunda.
Yeah, don't say that.
Is that a type of cheese?
Rude boy Munda.
Disgusting.
Fremunda, you're nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah, Fremunda.
Ew.
It actually sucked.
Yeah, that is pretty gross.
It sucked because my doctor kept on falsely diagnosing me.
They wouldn't give me anything.
They were like, oh, it'll go away.
It's nothing.
And then I went back eventually, and they were like, oh, yeah, you have a yeast infection.
I had this spot on my dick for two months.
Rudy, you told me this in confidence, but you had dick rot once.
Yeah, I think I may have had the same thing.
Jesus, boys.
You're brutal, dude.
I was just sitting next to him.
I don't want to hear about dick rot.
And he's like, yeah, that sounds disgusting.
Rudy, in his cool-ass voice, like, he make anything sound sexy.
He's like, you know, I had dick rot once.
What is dick rot?
Oh, yeah?
I don't really know, to be honest with you.
It was when I moved to Texas.
I can guess.
Your dick was rotting.
Yeah, but you can sort of just pull the mold off, and it's good as new.
Yeah.
Ew.
Ew.
I had a lot of dick rot sounds sounds like from hockey yeah i was from
hockey's i was living is when i moved to texas and for training camp they made us stay in these
baseball like triple a teams dorms for a week and it was like 105 degrees every day we were playing
like four hours a day that's not a good environment in terms of penis health. You got like military trench foot on your dick.
Yeah.
Dang green.
I was a mental fucking wreck because I thought I had contracted like an STD.
Yeah.
That's always the first thought.
Exactly.
And then I was-
God, it was just dick rot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Herpes sounds way better.
Way better than-
Dick rot sounds like the worst thing.
I mean, all of it's bad.
I'd rather catch a candiru fish up my urethra.
Yeah, that's right.
That's a one-way fish.
Those don't come out.
No.
I would be so sick to be one of those fish swimming around in someone's body.
Do you like that?
Do you finally get the chance to find a dick hole?
Yes.
That's what I really like.
Do they seek dick hole or just any hole?
They find a pissing dick hole, so it's warm, and they go towards it, and the dick hole's
a little bit more open
because of the piss, right?
And then they go in.
Wow.
They go in, and it's like a fishhook nose.
Damn, they are tactical.
My dick hole tightens up when I piss.
Yeah, that's right.
Precision, just razor face.
Your skin is a mist.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Do you have nightmares as an adult?
That's the next thing on the prep sheet.
I've had the same recurring nightmare almost every night for 10 years.
It's more just like a really unfortunate situation.
Yeah.
Could very well happen.
And it's like, oh, this sucks.
What is your nightmare, Nick?
It's a guy in a green suit, but he has the mouth cut out.
And he's standing in my front yard just looking in.
And then I chase him one day.
And in the middle of the woods, he has this shed.
And it's a bunch of pictures of me
sleeping from when I was like a baby onwards.
Jesus Christ.
What? Is that the guy that tried to kidnap you in Chicago?
It might have been rooted from that.
Oh wow.
Is he wearing a green suit or something? Yeah he's wearing a green morph suit
but he has the mouth cut out and he's always smiling real big.
Oh my god. Jesus man that's fucking
heavy. Yeah man.
Why don't you get over your trauma, dude?
Stop having that nightmare.
You try just not doing it.
You're aware of how funny I am, right?
You're that fucking green-ass man to thank.
The only one I get that recurs is I'll be in a car and it'll just fly off a cliff.
Or I get in car crashes.
Oh,
really?
I'm always the passenger.
And it never hurts.
I've always,
this should hurt right now.
Even though I'm dreaming.
Yeah.
I always wake up on impact.
And then,
uh,
yeah,
that's the only one I really get.
I watched a video of cars getting launched off of a cliff recently.
Alaska.
Alaska.
I saw that,
right?
I want to go to that so bad.
I felt like I could survive it.
The way that they're landing, it did not
seem that like... They weren't
exploding. We can turn this golf
off, bro.
It's like a festival where
all these Alaskans in this small town
all gather in their lawn chairs with
beer coolers at the bottom of a cliff
and then people just send a ton of cars
all over the side of the cliff,
and they're like 100 feet away
from where all these cars are landing and exploding,
and it seems awesome.
Oh, yeah, there it goes.
I can't see it.
There's one, there's definitely a couple.
Yeah, let's get the golf off.
Fuck the golf.
They show the family that's in the car?
They do, yeah.
Yeah, they have a GoPro in there,
and it's on Twitch.
I would actually rule.
What about you drive a car off a massive cliff?
But Rowan, there's definitely a couple I think you could eat and take it and work.
But there was one that clears the whole cliff.
No fucking shot, dude.
There's like a game like that, right?
Where you just send a car off of a cliff and then you see how much damage you do.
Yeah, there's a guy on TikTok that does that.
Yeah, you do like school buses and shit.
And he does it with like different gravities too.
Yeah.
The moon's gravity.
Looks fun.
That doesn't look too bad.
I think you could take that one.
The water would hurt you.
You would drown.
You'd be drowned.
If you could make it without hitting the ground to the water, I think you'd be okay.
Stanko, you beachy bastard.
Are you going right to the beach after this?
Yeah, big vibes.
Stanko, you look fucking great, dude. Yeah, you look after this? Yeah, big vibes. You look fucking great, dude.
Yeah, you look barbecue ready.
Yeah, for sure.
Baby, did you find me with the snowmobile flipped in the UP?
I was with you, yeah.
I didn't lose you.
Was this a dream?
It crashed together.
No, I crashed a snowmobile a couple miles back.
We were in the UP in the middle of winter,
and those guys went down the wrong path on their snowmobile.
Owen was going way too fast.
Yes, he was.
I was terrified.
Here's the egg for speed.
Here's the cars flying.
Oh, my goodness.
That's the one I feel like I could...
Truck?
No, not that one.
That one exploded, right?
There's another truck.
There's another pickup that lands.
You would have vomited up your spine on that.
Your spine would have been through my head.
This is like, have you seen the death diving competition?
Oh, those are awesome.
This is how they should execute people.
It's like diving, but they try and make it stop.
Yeah, this is the sequel to Midsommar.
They just put the old people in the car and launch them off.
Well, there should be like, execution should have like a one to two.
Yes, that's what I mean.
This should be how like if you get the death penalty, you should just be in one of these
cars.
And if you live like you've, that was your debt to society.
Well, I know the Yacht Crew is a huge Thelma and Louise.
Have you guys seen that movie?
Yeah, big Thelma and Louise crew.
In the end, they're surrounded by the cops,
they're in the car, and they're just like, fuck it,
and they drive over the edge of the cliff.
The Grand Canyon.
Yes, that's such a...
That movie's so good.
Maybe not.
It is a great fucking...
When's the male reboot?
Yeah.
Yeah, we need...
Ghostbuster it up. Thurman, we need Ghostbuster it up.
Ghostbuster it up.
Wait, can you go back to that? I want to see
there's one where it clears the whole cliff and it's so
satisfying.
It's actually a Teguan. It is probably
a Teguan. It couldn't jump
it's going to send to Alaska. That one was clean as
fuck. Is that the family that goes in?
Hey, we're about to kill ourselves.
Bye. This is Marcy. She's five. sent to Alaska. That one was clean as fuck. Is that the family that goes in there? Hey, we're about to kill ourselves. Hi.
This is Marcy.
She's five.
We love her to death.
First time.
First time killing herself.
Never died before.
Lost and insecure.
This is awesome.
So you can just go to this? I would live that one. I would love to go to this. This is the one you can just go to this?
I would love to go to this
Just post up with a cooler
This should be more
This should be a thing over fireworks
Oh yeah
It should go off as the car goes over the edge kind of thing
Yeah that would be cool
I've long said that firework technology
Has not advanced at all
It's like China in the year 8.
We've seen it.
We've seen it.
Everything.
There's nothing that they add.
Maybe like a crackle or like a spiral,
but they need to do more shit with fireworks.
It should be way more stimulating.
It should be able to shoot up movies that play in the sky.
Or pictures of people and shit like that.
Kobe's face.
LaGuardia, you were tweeting about. their new airport they have like water fountains that spell
out just full messages yeah falling from the ceiling yeah laguardia really some of that shit
in the sky would be nice i love a good water piece who is it kb were you just saying that
they're gonna make a building taller than the patronus towers they're doing a lot there there's
a lot of plans or what's
the one it's the burj khalifa dubai itself is working on their own record to beat that
but it's pretty much just two buildings connected so it's kind of a cheat and i think cairo is
working on an even bigger one and maybe tokyo and even bigger they're gonna have like i mean
the burj khalifa's thing is that there's like, you project like full movies onto it
or like there's like every minute
there's like a,
like the building lights up
into like a slideshow.
I just saw the design.
Influencers are always doing
like gender reveals on it and stuff.
Are they actually?
Yeah, the building turns pink or blue
or whatever.
Iroh?
Yeah.
That's fucking dope.
Proposals and...
Did you do a gender reveal?
No.
No, I hate all that stuff.
Buildings change...
Buildings lights changing colors is something that is ridiculously underwhelming and just
not impressive.
Yeah.
There's always videos of like, all right, in three seconds, Empire State Building's
going to turn blue.
I love that shit.
But it's lights.
Have you seen the Burj Khalifa?
Have you seen how they do it on the Burj Khalifa?
No, but I see it on the Empire State Building. The Eiffel Tower does's lights. Have you seen the Burj Khalifa? Have you seen how they do it on the Burj Khalifa? No, but I see it on the Empire State Building.
The Eiffel Tower does it.
Can you pull up the Burj Khalifa?
TikTok?
Yeah.
TikTok sucks.
That's big facts, Owen.
Philly at Christmas.
Independence Hall.
They make it look like an ice castle that starts to crumble on everybody, and that's
fun.
Do you guys have a favorite building?
I like the Chrysler building.
I've been into brutal architecture lately.
Ooh, D.C. is good for that.
What's brutal?
Government.
Looks evil.
Those big, evil cement in D.C. during the 70s.
Very angular, the cold.
A lot of colleges have those.
That's how the Burj Khalifa lights up.
That's kind of cool.
The whole building is lit up.
They're just like, I don't know if they're projecting or if it's like a bunch of...
How much do you think that costs in U.S. dollars?
The Empire State Building needs to step their game up and do something like that.
Right, this is fire.
This is like, and it's just right on top of some water so people just gather around and look at it.
They tried getting fresh blood in on social, but like they have to try
something else. Yeah, I gotta do something.
I'm trying to think what would make the Empire State Building
cooler. I think if they had like a massive
flame, like a flamethrower
that went out of the top. I think if they drove cars
off the top. Holy shit. Oh my god.
Yeah, that's awesome. It's like a show, dude.
The second time I've seen a Khalifa
glue something.
Oh, dude. The second time I've seen a Khalifa move something. Oh, fuck.
Yeah, we need to up our building technology.
Holy shit.
Well, that's a screen.
I think it's just covered in LED screens, probably.
The whole building is covered.
That's a sweet building.
If they did this in New York,
everyone would just crash their cars in the middle of the street.
Do you think for $100K,
you guys could get Tyler O'Day to do something on the Empire State Building for the act?
No.
No, not at all.
Do you see that he's shooting shots now from the Empire State's?
I see comedians being like, why did the Empire State Building just...
Yeah, he's like, what the fuck?
The Empire State Building sliding into your DMs.
It'd be kind of fire to get fucked by a building, though.
It would be kind of fire.
Do you guys have a building that you particularly want to fuck?
Ooh.
Fuckable buildings.
I know PFT fucked the Raiders Stadium.
He thought that was super fuckable.
Anything Frank Lloyd Wright.
Falling water.
Stunningly beautiful.
It would be relaxing.
Probably be a good lay.
Yeah.
The bean would probably tickle the prostate.
Ohio pile pussy is so underratedle the prostate. Ohio pile pussy
is so underrated.
You got an Ohio pile pussy?
No.
The Ohio pile.
Uh-huh.
Florence Cathedral,
is that yours, TJ?
That or you just saw
the gingerbread buildings
in Barcelona.
I love those buildings.
Oh, yeah, Gaudi.
Yeah, they're in
Tony Hawk Underground, too.
Yeah, those would be dope.
Oh, yeah.
That fucking Sagrada Familrada familia getting that spike
up your ass that would probably fucking disembowel you i would probably rip everything out of you
take a seat on top of it yeah i think that that would probably yeah if you wanted to get fucked
by a building that's a whole different easier much easier they're much more built for that
which buildings could fight yeah yeah who would be the top. Who would be the top four seeded buildings?
The biggest buildings in the world.
I don't know if big would be good.
You want a wide.
The Pentagon would probably be pretty good.
Oh, the Pentagon.
Low.
Oh, so would losing the fight be falling over?
Yeah.
Yeah, the Great Wall of China would just sit there and eat punches.
Oh, yeah.
I think the Denver Art Museum would be a tough opponent
because it's insanely sharp.
I don't think the Great Wall of China
is considered a building,
but that's just me.
You could go in it, no?
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, that's a good question.
I was kind of picturing
the biggest buildings
turning into Transformers
and beating the fuck out of each other
so it wasn't really
who falls over first.
The Transformers have done
animals and cars.
They've never done buildings,
have they?
No, that would be fucking super dope.
Yeah.
A bunch of buildings.
What's the most famous fictional building that's sentient?
Hogwarts.
Avengers.
SpongeBob Pineapple.
A sentient building, yeah.
That's a good question.
Or even one that moves.
Howl's Moving Castle, Studio Ghibli.
You said famous.
Come on, man.
It's probably
nine on IMDb.
Smart House, Disney Channel original movie.
Monster House.
There it is.
Or the Norman Bates
house in
that Hitchcock movie.
Oh, the Bates.
Bates Motel.
Maybe that one. We need more building characters. Oh, the Bates. Bates Motel. Yeah. Maybe that one.
We need more building characters.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
If a building had a pussy, how would the building care for its pussy?
Yeah.
Where would the building's pussy be?
Clock tower.
Yes.
Yeah, probably.
I think it'd be at the top.
I think it'd be at the top.
Like a mezzanine.
That would be the clit.
The circle on the clock tower.
I think the lightning rod would be the clit. Right. You fucked in a mezzanine once That would be the clit. The circle on the clock tower. I think the lightning rod would be the clit.
Right.
You fucked in a mezzanine once.
No, pagoda.
A pagoda?
Yeah.
Whoa.
We were in Mackinac Island.
What was that?
Would it be on the G?
A grotto.
A grotto.
I fucked in a grotto.
That's cool.
You fucked in a grotto.
That's cool.
You fucked in a pagoda?
Running pagoda?
Oh, that's a big one.
That looks like a Tony Hawk level, too.
It was on Easter.
It was in the Japanese tea garden.
Shut up.
What level is a pagoda?
Ground.
I pictured them to have very flimsy floors.
It's a good building for fucking.
I feel like you could get body slammed through a whole pagoda.
Up to the bottom.
I feel like they just have paper floors.
That sounds like a Seagal movie scene. Yeah, I feel like they just have paper floors. Yep.
That sounds like a Seagal movie scene.
Yeah, that would be
fucking sweet, dude.
If you guys have the chance,
you play pipe in a pagoda
or be fucked.
Why not go to the top, though, Nick?
I feel like you kind of...
No, he's a ground and pound.
When I fuck,
I fuck hard.
And those buildings sway.
I've heard.
Yeah, you need the earth
to anchor you.
Yeah.
Inventor of 69 and inventor of Gazebo.
Same guy.
Yeah, it is.
Also invented the lowercase f.
Which one was first, though?
Cursive or...
Cursive.
Okay.
Fun guy.
Fun guy.
Dips below the line.
Yeah.
That's both.
An ascender and descender.
What a twist.
Is it...
Is it an introverted extrovert?
If you flip it on both axes,
is it symmetrical?
Or can it line up?
Nah.
No?
Fuck.
I don't like to brag,
but I gave a handjob on a floating dock
in Ocean City, Maryland once.
No way.
I didn't even have to move.
So you just grabbed it, too.
We just waited for boats to go by,
and I just...
The no-wake zone just. The no wake zone.
No wake zone.
Keep it up.
Keep going.
I want to get this over with.
That was great.
That's funny as fuck.
Ocean City, Maryland too.
Not even Ocean City, New Jersey.
It was a no wake zone.
He was asleep.
Speaking of Ocean City, Maryland.
Where are we going?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Pop Punk has a show there in quite some
time but before that
Atlantic City on the
29th and then on the
6th in New York City
we'll have a show
somewhere.
So check that
check all that shit
out.
Oh boy.
I'll be in AC.
I'm trying to go to
the Atlantic City one.
That would be
super dope.
That would be super
humble.
Opening for the
Lumineers among a
bunch of other
artists. Yeah we have to cut all the Lumineers songs out of our act soon.
I know.
We can't sing any Lumineers now.
Yeah.
We're doing the first show so we can pay for ourselves to go to the other show.
Yeah, we literally have to pay our way to go to the show.
That's rock and roll, though.
Because our band makes no money.
It's fucking sweet.
It's like Spinal Tap.
Sass, you think your
manager would manage us and maybe we could start to make some scratch talk to my guys make a little
chicken make a little cheese make a little lettuce if we can work something out over at sass camp
gary v he's got another vertical for managing talent we've actually been looking to pick up
some new talent see what i can do ours is like a parody
band but we do a lot of covers so just pass that along to you guys are coming out with some
originals right i heard you uh i heard you and pft uh working on uh some concepts you're always
working but you know it's tough to be satisfied with anything oh bro that's just the creative
lifestyle do you guys have a new sketch coming out soon yeah we just posted it during the like
first 10 minutes.
The first time I uploaded it, the audio was fine for the whole thing,
except for the joke at the end.
Yeah, the punchline cut out.
I was watching and I was like, this is sick.
But what is this punchline where Nick can't talk?
I was so convinced at first.
I was like, am I missing the joke?
Nick lost his voice?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a bummer.
Yeah, that was a bummer.
Yeah, that was only up for like a minute.
The first part about working with me is I'm terrible at my job.
Your toxic trait is that you're a horror boy.
He's a 10, but he can't upload anything.
Thanks for the chat if you want to watch it.
No.
No, I'm telling the people in the chat.
Oh, hell yes. Thank you. We don't want to watch it. No. No, I'm telling the people in the chat. Oh, hell yes.
Thank you.
We don't want to watch it.
A little fresh tube for it.
Don't want to make you guys watch it.
That's always a...
We're not trying to clutter feed.
Now I have a shaved arm.
Yeah, we did have to shave his arm.
Oh, wow.
Look how smooth that is.
You got a bushy...
No, I have one.
Amazing.
Yeah, you have one hairy arm, one smooth.
The amount of hair that was on the ground post-shave was...
It was a sight to see.
I think that would be a good real punishment.
Either shaved arm or shaved hands.
Did you guys ever see the picture of the guy who was convinced on Reddit
that his hands were too hairy to go on this date, so he shaved his hands?
It was like a bear.
Can you search shaved hands?
Real stark line at the wrist.
And it's shocking. You think, like, oh, I'll shave my real stark line at the wrist? And it's shocking.
You think like, oh, I'll shave my hands, it's not noticeable?
Mine wouldn't be noticeable.
I was actually pumped.
I don't think it would be noticeable.
Last night I got home, I just sat on my right arm and then beat off,
and it kind of just looked like I was getting a handrail.
Oh, shit.
But you're telling tattoos.
Yeah.
One-of-one tattoos.
You know Chris Clemmer has tattoos?
No. He had a tattoo right on the back of his tattoos. You know Chris Clemmer has tattoos? No.
A tattoo right on the back of his calf.
Oh yeah. It's a Pokeball.
It's not.
I don't know.
It's a brand isn't it?
It's a swastika. It's a swastika.
That's still me.
I forget what it is.
Should we get him in here?
In Put-In-Bay We saw a guy
I didn't show him to you
But I saw a guy
He had the Converse All-Star logo
On the inside of both his feet
Can you grab Clemmer?
Is he here?
I just saw him walking down the hall
With his fucking
What is his tattoo?
Is it like Sonic?
We should get the stars and stripes On our back where it's on the t-shirts I would love if Clemmer had like a massive like back tattoo. Yeah, I would get a naked lady
Yeah, it's like it's like a very like poorly drawn Jesus with like the crown
Like he's always wearing like pants and like he's always wearing he's never showing full skin
Like it's like his whole body is tattooed salvador mundi that would be awesome on his back like an like an orange
county dude that has the ben affleck phoenix yeah drag yeah take his shirt off he looks like ryan
sheckler i don't think it even matters though for affleck because he just continues to fuck
regardless right it doesn't matter he'll fuck death. Yeah, he'll fuck till he dies.
You got it removed, or is that still there?
That's a big thing to remove.
Yeah, that'd be tough.
Yeah, how do they do removal?
I've seen videos of it, but I don't even understand what's happening.
It's like a laser that blows up the color pigment.
You have to do it multiple times.
Sounds like somebody's done research on it.
Yes, a little bit.
Christopher!
Good to see you, my good brother.
Wearing shorts, perfect.
Oh, wow.
That was easy.
What is your tattoo?
It is a chicken sandwich.
It's a chicken sandwich?
You forget what leg?
That's a way to show it.
That's one way to show it.
Ninja Turtles.
Ninja Turtle. Leonardo. It's Donatello. You way to show it. Ninja Turtles is? Ninja Turtle.
Leonardo?
That's Donatello.
You can just turn around.
Donatello is purple.
Raphael, Raphael.
Somehow we haven't seen the tattoo yet.
It's Raphael.
My friends and I all got it before our 20th class reunion.
And the deal is if any of us die, we have to get the other person's tattoo on our leg.
But you're going to. Someone's going to. Right. Well, someone eventually will have. And then if you have all three, we have to get the other person's tattoo on our leg. You're going to.
Someone's going to.
Right.
Well, someone eventually will have.
And then if you have all three, you have to get the fourth.
And then so you're the last.
You get them all.
It's a competition.
It is.
Yes.
I actually really love that.
When you walk in here with a fresh turtle on your calf, we should say we're so sorry.
Please.
Yeah.
One of my best friends had just died
so i would expect how soon after would you get the tattoo pretty soon after i think for the funeral
maybe the day of i was gonna or do you do it at the funeral no okay probably not you got the uh
calves and legs of like a 23 year old like uh collegiate uh like high jumper dude i was thinking
more like a 13 year old boy headed to puberty.
I think that your front calves
the front of your
it looks sinewy. You look strong my friend.
Thank you. That's the first time
I've ever been called that so thank you.
Hell yes. I also should say
this is the first day I took a shit in the office.
Oh hell yeah dude. You should.
That's awesome.
Private bathroom or the public bathroom?
I guess it was early in the morning.
It was the public one, I guess.
It's like that one that's like right there.
So it had multiple stalls.
Yes, there were multiple stalls.
Large amount of anxiety.
Yeah.
What was the worst case scenario in your mind?
Like as you kind of drew up the what can go wrong, will go wrong situation?
You know, you're sitting and and maybe someone comes in and goes,
oh, God, it's disgusting by your smell.
We got to fire that guy.
How does this poop stink?
Or you're shitting and it's a wild noise and someone laughs.
He's sort of mocking.
Hot girl.
Hot girl.
Hot girl walks in.
Goes in there.
Just sees your whole butthole.
I was going to fuck the person in this bathroom, but it smells like their poop.
No!
Worst thing that ever happened was something like you talked about on yesterday's show
where you opened the door to the bathroom and you walked in on someone.
And I was like, it was in New York and I was in my early 30s and someone had walked in.
It was like a one-bathroom stall.
It was a unisex one-bathroom stall.
But it was a guy that walked in and the door didn't lock
or I thought it locked. I didn't quite get in. I was in the middle of
wiping. The worst.
Most vulnerable male position.
And you're like, oh no!
He's like, I'm so sorry. Your first thing is
don't worry about it. But no, there's a lot to worry about.
Especially if you're like Jay.
You're going front to back or back to front.
Chris, what's the bathroom situation like at Fran's place?
Do you stay in there until you get an apartment?
I'm in a hotel in Queens.
Oh, you're not at Fran's?
Hotel Mariana.
Oh.
No.
I'm in a hotel in Queens.
I just checked out of it, and I'll be back in another hotel in Queens on Monday.
Why Queens?
Because I've lived in Queens before,
so I just know the area better than I know, say, Jersey.
I don't know Jersey well.
I really enjoyed your breakdown of the alcohol in Salt Lake City.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, I would like you to do that for other cities.
What was the breakdown?
Basically, I kind of went over how drinking is in Utah
because I thought I'd get there, it'd be like two bars,
and one of them wouldn't sell hard alcohol but actually was better than i thought
it wasn't as their cocktails only have one shot right and when i was out there a couple years ago
and they had just it was like the weekend when uh like bud light went from like their bud light
used to be like cut in half alcohol wise and they just like recalibrated to the national like
standard of how strong a bud light
was but all their beer had like significantly less alcohol looked the same but yeah it was just like
a two percent it's crazy that's awful yeah i got a cocktail cocktail with only one shot so you didn't
even taste it and you're like what like is something going on with this one shot was standard
no two but you you can order a double, though.
They will give you two.
You just have to pay more.
Right.
You attempted a triple.
I was denied.
The stats on pissing the bed must be insane in that state.
So much liquid.
Why?
Oh, because you just have a ton of liquid?
Very interesting.
I don't think they abuse it, though.
No one just pounding beers.
Really?
None of this? I didn't see it like that. When we go to Salt Like, no one, like, just pounding beers. Really? None of this?
No, thanks.
I didn't see a lot of that.
When we go to Salt Lake City mugshots, I want to see how many DUIs there are.
You think there's any school you could party at?
Utah, right?
Yeah, Utah you could probably get pretty loose.
But wait, can you, there's liquor stores, though, right?
So you could do it yourself, right?
And get fucked up on your own.
There is liquor stores.
They're all state-run, like New Hampshire.
So you don't have, like, Joe's Liquor. It has to be, like, a get fucked up on your own. There is liquor stores. They're all state-run, like New Hampshire. So you don't have Joe's Liquor.
It has to be a Utah state-run liquor store.
But it was fairly convenient.
They were pretty available.
But yeah, you can buy a bottle of whiskey and drink it.
Okay.
What's your relationship like right now with Dave?
Are you going to live by Dave eventually?
That's the plan, I guess.
I mean, I met him for the first time at the mini golf thing.
Does he like you?
I think so.
He wants me to go to Miami with him as of right now,
or at least last time we talked.
What are you going to do when you're down there?
Hopefully some of the same stuff I'm doing here,
movie podcasts, things like that that I want to do,
and then just regular Miami stuff.
I thought whatever that Miami crew is,
go to the everlades
go do a cuban cigar you know whatever go kind of do miami stuff i guess whatever dave has in mind
i don't know yeah talk to him about it yet really i know i feel like he's not even gonna have like
a thing like go do this you're just gonna but i just want to see you like around him like i just
wanted you to like be in the background of his shit like fucking i don't know it's great to me
whatever he wants i I have no idea.
But he said when he reached out, he's like, all right, you'll be in New York until I go to Miami, and you'll go down with me.
I feel like you're a self-starting dude, so I feel like as long as you're just doing a bunch of shit, then you'll be good, dude.
I hope so.
We'll see.
You also will have a whole new crop of people to race.
That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I could beat a lot of, like, the older people, too.
Like, retirees and stuff.
Like, I'll dominate all of them.
Body them.
Yeah, I wouldn't be close.
Holy fuck, dude.
Well, thanks.
Any other tattoos before you go?
I still don't want to have, no.
And it's probably
the only one I'll have.
Oh.
I guess supposedly,
like, this is a pretty, like,
pain-free area to get it,
but it fucking hurt.
Like, it didn't hurt, like, you know, it wasn't like a 10, but it fucking hurt. It didn't hurt like,
it wasn't like a 10,
but it was like a solid seven.
I'm like, I don't want to do this again.
I will if my friends die.
Right.
Does a part of you kind of want to die first?
So that you don't have to?
No.
No, not really.
It didn't hurt that bad.
It will be a silver lining of death, though.
Yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah.
Avoiding pain.
I wonder if I'll be so overcome with grief, though,
that I won't notice the pain.
So I should probably get it done sooner.
Right away.
Yeah.
Pain just stacks.
Yeah.
You'll feel both.
It'll double down on the, it'll make you sadder.
It'll make me more upset.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then if I'm crying, though, because of the pain, I'll be like, oh, no, it's because
my friend died.
I have an excuse.
Yeah, you do have an excuse to cry.
That's good.
Can we ask him any questions from the prep sheet?
Are they all on their calves?
No. Another buddy has
on his forehead? Yeah, on his
face. No, on his
shoulder. And another guy has it
on his leg as well, but not as
lower, I think.
So you guys are just letting it run its natural course, or is
it like a game of tag
where you guys are actively
trying to kill each other?
No, no, no.
We're all very good friends.
You have to get a shredder
if you do that.
Yeah, you need to crank.
Like, what if like,
this is a hypothetical
for everybody.
If one of your best friends
was dying terminal
and he said,
I want you to hunt me,
would you do it?
Yes.
Yeah, 100%.
Hunt him?
Yeah.
Oh, what is my weapon?
You have a stone from a massage.
A hot stone.
A hot stone.
Oh, no.
To bludgeon him.
Oh, no.
I don't want to.
I would have a really hard time braining my friend.
You can only kill your friends the way a wily coyote has been hurt.
An anvil.
Yeah, like dynamite.
You could paint a grave on a wall.
Right. Put him on a train. Yeah. You can kill him. That could paint a cave on a wall. Right.
Put him on a train.
Yeah.
Kill him.
That just flattens him, really.
Yeah, it would just turn him into a xylophone.
Hide TNT in a cactus.
Oh, yeah.
Accordion, I mean.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Thank you, Chris.
All right.
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Appreciate it, dude.
You're the man.
If you had a pussy, how would you care for it?
Maintenance-wise.
I probably quit it a lot.
I like to do deodorants a lot,
so I imagine I would be very obsessed with that.
Daily douching?
I think so.
Wouldn't that be something that you'd be paranoid about?
I don't know.
I feel like douching really went out of style.
Really?
I feel like right before I hit...
I think it's super unhealthy.
Proceed.
You missed the whole douche error.
I feel like I was just on the missed the whole douche era? Yeah.
I feel like I was just on the cusp of douche era,
and I just...
We still have more commercials for it in the early 90s,
remember?
Like, you'd have, like, you know,
they'd be shrewd about, like, what they're talking about,
but I don't feel like I see as much.
I don't have a product at Barstool yet.
Maybe that's going to be my big ticket.
Like your pink wedding?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Isn't it, like, bad for your, like god. Isn't it bad for your organs?
It's bad for your pH.
It throws off your pH.
You get a douche with a sencha.
Hey, Sass.
Yeah.
Salute, bro.
How do you know that?
I just know.
Every girl sasses data.
He cleans the pussy.
It's a funny ass...
Oh, I was thinking of douching of the asshole.
I think that's where I think so.
We're getting.
That's an enema or enemas.
That's called douching too, isn't it?
Well, I guess it's kind of a douche.
That's how I heard about it.
I heard about it from a show.
It's the same sort of mech and assholes.
I randomly came across this exact Wikipedia page the other day because I was really curious.
Doesn't sound random.
I was I was writing me and John Richard work on this like fake news show.
And I was trying to think of like anyway, douche was involved.
And then the guys the guys that invented it were these two dudes.
One of them worked in a factory.
So he was the mechanical aspect.
And the other one was a doctor.
And there are two French dudes.
And they were like, dude, he saw like an opportunity.
He's like, pussies need to be way more clean.
And they invented the douche.
Wow. It was invented by men men it was invented by two dudes
two dudes in the 1850s
in France it's interesting
that it became like such an insult
when like other like just
regular hygiene or like health
products aren't like a condom or toilet
paper isn't the insult that a douche
bag is
you know sixth graders could not spell it.
No.
Like restaurant.
For anybody that still actively posts on Facebook.
Right.
And they always put the dollar sign after the number.
Same people.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, they do.
100%.
So you think other hygiene products should be insults?
I mean, toilet paper is, like, grosser to me.
Somebody calls me a moist towelette I'm fighting
Yeah
Look at this fucking toothpick
People do call people like a wet rag
Or they call them like a shit rag
That's like kind of
Scumbag
Isn't that a condom
Yeah
Rudy maybe see if those French guys can invent
A spray that'll make pussy taste like dick That would be fire It's a dirty cum, right? Yeah. Rudy, maybe see if those French guys can invent a spray
that'll make pussy taste like dick.
That would be fire.
What, dude?
That would help.
It would just be nice to have the option.
It's just you would know more.
I don't know, dude.
Because then girls could cheat easier.
You're like, wait, why does your pussy taste like dick?
No, it's the spray.
Yeah. Okay, as long as it was the spray.
It's crazy to me that a lot of those cleaning hygiene products
have not been improved in like 300 or 400 years.
Like the douche technology is relatively the same.
And also scratchy toilet paper.
Yeah, and also condoms.
The Egyptians invented the condoms
and it literally like has had zero improvement
in terms of like, I guess they didn't have latex. They use like the intestines of a snake or something. The Egyptians invented the condoms, and it literally has had zero improvement.
In terms of, I guess they didn't have latex.
They used the intestines of a snake or something.
That was a little different.
The mechanism is still the exact same.
I remember one time Bill Gates was so motivated by the fact that condoms weren't reinventing.
So he did a $500,000 grant where thousands of people submitted new designs.
He's like, whatever the best one is, I will fund it and make it happen, and then no one can really do it.
It's like the firework.
I think the toothbrush was invented in
the 1910s. Really?
What? I checked that.
I'm pretty sure it's way later than you'd think.
What?
That's gross, dude. We used to stink.
Salvador Dali was in a damn commercial
on television.
A toothbrush commercial on television. Really?
He was?
A toothbrush commercial?
Maybe.
Probably.
Nah.
I fuck with Salvador Dali heavy, so you were just vehemently wrong on that.
Damn.
That's a shame.
We got vehemently in, so.
Yeah, that's good.
I think when some things are invented, other things should cease to exist.
When movies came out, there should have never been another play
it's like a nightclub
one in one out
oh look at this
first toothbrush
modern design
and the not modern was past
1776
still closer than you guys would think
but if you want to get another vehemently
off your chest
that was my one dude he only has one closer than you guys would think. But if you want to get another vehemently off your chest, really go for it.
No, that was my one, dude.
He only has one.
I wonder, yeah, were people just losing their teeth?
No, we built a tolerance for it.
Yeah.
I mean, obviously teeth were way shittier before,
but now, like, yeah, you scrub all the shit off that you use.
I want that man's do-rag.
I want that do-rag bad.
Who has cash?
I think UPS has those.
That's not a do-rag.
That's not a do-rag.
That's what I call it.
It's a headband.
It's an awesome scarf.
It's a headband, yeah.
It's the same color, though, as the UPS.
Yeah.
That has to be given by
It's branded.
Yeah.
Is it branded?
I think so.
Oh, you're talking about the do-rag.
The cap or
Oh, okay.
I was supposed to get
Oh, he made a boo-boo. It's fly. That's fun. I don so. Oh, you're talking about the cap? Oh, okay. I was supposed to get this.
Oh, he made a boo-boo.
It's fly.
It's fun.
I don't see UPS.
I was a UPS driver helper once.
I wore that uniform.
Really?
When?
In Delco at Christmastime.
What does that mean, a helper?
What does that mean?
It's like you get paid literally like $10 an hour to ride around with them and help them
deliver packages during peak seasons like the holidays.
Really?
Yeah.
Wait for some extra cash?
You're kind of like an elf.
Was it nice during the holidays or way too stressful?
It was terrible.
The guy I was with claimed to be his dad, he says, was the inspiration for Joey on Friends.
And his last name was Tribbiani.
And he had this whole big story.
Anyway, it was an interesting time.
Is he a moron?
No, he was a delight.
He brought this big boom box and played tunes all day
because they don't have music in the cars or anything like that.
He was nice enough.
You don't have radios in the UPS trucks?
No, you got a BYO.
No way.
There are bones in there.
That's such bullshit.
Yeah.
Was it hard?
A little bit because dogs suck.
People are like, don't worry, she's friendly.
And their dogs would be like ripping my shoelaces out of my shoes.
Like, all right, thank you.
Dogs suck.
I can't stand that sentence because they're friendly to you because you're their owner.
Yeah.
They depend on you for food.
You've fostered a relationship with them.
I got this, dude.
That would be good.
I make one every day.
They've been bad. They have not been bad.
They fucking fly like an eagle.
Nick, wasn't the tattoo girl trying to sell you
on pitbulls? Yeah, it wasn't about
that. I don't want to say that in a public forum
though. You just did.
You don't fuck with pitbulls? Why?
Their favorite food is like
kid face.
How could this happen? And they're not cute
They're so cute dude
What are you talking about moron
They're not
They're so cute
They're hard as a rock
They're hard
They're like jacked
Dude I like pit bulls
I can't believe people are just disparaging an innocent dog like this
just because they've been conditioned to fight one another.
It is disgusting.
You could like them.
Cute is out of pocket.
That's wild.
Cute's out of pocket.
I know about two trillion TikToks that would prove you incorrect.
They're so cute.
Here we go.
I like wiener dogs, though.
Oh!
And a catch.
What if he just caught it and saw it?
What, dude?
What, dude?
No survivors.
That went worse than my shit this morning.
So are you going to have more shits in the future?
You know, I feel like I kind of broke the...
Yeah, hang it up.
It's good for a little getaway, though, in the office, a little me time.
It's too much anxiety and pressure.
I don't like to shit in the office, but sometimes...
Push so hard.
Thank you, brother.
It came out pretty easily.
But no, it was just a lot of like, oh, what's going to happen?
I'm still so new.
This is awkward.
Yeah.
In the women's bathroom, we all...
He's been here for a cup of coffee, and he's shitting?
Yeah.
We all go at the same time.
It was the cup of coffee
It was the coffee
What were you about to say Kate?
Just that the women's bathroom we all go at the same time every day
We all go in there together and we help each other through it
You guys are on the same cycle
Yep
We have synced up
You can hear the Lamaze breathing through the door
Women's bathrooms are the most supportive place
Honest to god they really are
From what I understand.
Can you guys really sync up your piss and shit with your friends?
Sure.
If you're around them enough.
If you're around them enough.
KB, let's see that thing.
Throw it to Clemmer.
That is streamlined.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
That had the ability to pierce.
That was like a black one.
That was nice yeah
Yeah that was a kamikaze
Yeah
Sass
Meticulous
Origami
Beautiful
That shit's not gonna be sweet
That looks like a fucking cargo plane dude
God yuck
I think it's like an AC
Jesus Christ dude
It's like an AC
I was trying to get
You forgot wings
I was trying to get
Creative with it
it's a flying house
I think it's gonna be
like the Hindenburg
he could prove us wrong though
nah
aren't they clever
I think I did this very wrong
that might explode
when it hits the ground
oh
pretty good
that looks like
one of the ones that
you throw out
like of a hundred story building and it just goes for a long ass time it always makes it to the one of the ones That you throw out Like of a hundred story building
And it just goes
For a long ass time
It always makes it
To the pitch of the football field
Those give me so much anxiety
Those videos
Whenever they throw them
Just because I have
Empathy for paper
Chris what is your current thing
Like do you have any
Current obsessions right now
Oh I have a blog
Coming out where I'm going to
Talk about the top 100 movies
Of the 90s
So number 100's
Coming out today
So I've been very focused on that I have a feeling Brandon Walker's going to be You're going to talk about the top 100 movies of the 90s. So number 100 is coming out today. So I've been very focused on that.
I have a feeling Brandon Walker is going to do 100.
Yes, in a week. Every Friday.
Okay. Span a couple years.
How many weeks are in a year?
That's two years.
That's two years.
People are going to be on the edge of their
seats for a
long time. Yes.
What was the other podcast?
Can we all go around
and try to guess number one?
I wouldn't say it.
You can try to guess
number 100.
It would suck if you have
to get a turtle
before you get to number one.
That would be very sad.
I'm only in my early 40s.
My friends,
I don't want them to die.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You kind of made
the bargain, though.
You kind of made the pact.
You made it like a big part of your life.
We made a pact.
We don't want it to happen now.
Like you said, in two years, that would suck.
Do you like the Ninja Turtles?
What's that?
Do you like the Ninja Turtles?
I did.
We all did when we were friends in junior high.
It would be kind of funny if one of your friends fell into a shredder.
That would be very funny.
Yeah.
Number 100.
Do we know it?
You might.
Is it The Pest with John Leguizamo?
It is not.
Is it a Leguizamo movie, though?
No.
Is it kids?
No, it's not kids.
No, no.
It's a comedy.
Early, late 90s.
Black and white comedy.
What?
Black and white, I love Lucy.
There you go.
Clerks.
From the 90s?
They did it in black.
Okay.
I guessed it already. What? I guessed it. I got it already. I know you did. 90s? They did it in black. Okay. I guessed it already.
What?
I guessed it.
I got it already.
I know you did.
Kyle's going to get it too.
When he said black and white, I was like, I'm clarifying the 90s.
They had the technology to not do that.
He didn't have the money.
It was all about lighting.
I remember I was like 10 and still thought.
Smooth flight.
People saw him black and white back when things were black and white.
Everything was black and white?
Yeah.
I couldn't, yeah.
Life?
I was a little late in life.
Yeah.
It's a confusing process.
No.
That was almost a headshot.
Not great.
Shut the fuck up, Sass, dude.
Not great.
Make me another cargo plane, dude.
Make me another aircraft carrier.
The fuck, dude?
I wish you had the technique to pull that off don't fuck with
that deal that would be easily pulled off uh but what was your other podcast concept that i feel
like i didn't hear about it during idol but i just heard about it this past week what was it called
talking with brandon walker about doing a movie podcast with him no no something else that you
had already done maybe oh Oh, 95 Mariners?
95 Mariners or Twitch, I do.
The movie podcast I've done in the past is at a theater near me
where I went to the movie theaters
every single day.
There was another one.
Yeah, Quantum Week.
Quantum Week.
That's the one I didn't hear about.
That's like you take a random week
in the last 40 years,
talk about the movies, music, headlines,
whatever was happening
that particular week.
Fantastic idea.
I know.
That's awesome.
Is that a play on Quantum Leap,
the show? It is, yes. An all-time
clip in that show. We can't play it, though.
Oh, yeah. What would happen?
Chris knows. Funny. I think we can
actually probably show it.
When he finds himself
in the mirror? Yeah.
I think we can show it. I don't think so.
What is it?
Chris? What is it? Chris?
What is the clip?
Yeah.
He would leap into a different person every week,
and he leapt into,
I believe we talked about the time
he leapt into an African-American man.
Oh, Down syndrome.
Down syndrome boy.
Oh, yes, there's also that one.
His reaction was apt, but inappropriate.
Yes.
Nasty.
Just bust up a Rubik's Cube or what? No, no, no, no, not autistic. Nasty. Just bust up a Rubik's Cube
or what?
No, no, no, no,
not autistic.
Down syndrome.
Yeah.
Andromic.
I got you guys.
So how do you,
do you have like a range?
Like if you do a random year,
like what if you get like 800 BC?
It would be the last 40 years.
I feel like you could just
take this for all time though.
Yeah.
The rules of quantum leaping.
The number one song in 800 BC
was like a rock hitting stick.
You could only leap into a time in his life. So it The rules of quantum leaping. The number one song in 800 BC was like a rock hitting stick. You could only leap
into a time in his life.
So it would have to be a time
in his life.
That was the rule of quantum leaping.
Got it, got it.
You could expand it though.
You could just do like
any week of all time though.
You could.
It's hard to find
what was the number one movie
or what was like a top song
of that time though.
If it was like, you know,
1922 or...
You could kind of zhuzh it though.
You could kind of be like
this was a really popular one and not do... Or just... I was impressed because it was like you know 1922 you could kind of zhuzh it though you could kind of be like this was a really popular one
and not do
or just
I was impressed
because it seems like
limitless
so I would
are you knowledgeable on this
like right now
off the top of your head
like what was
what do you think
what was the top song
when the Mets and Yankees
played in the
the World Series
oh I can't
like what
October of 2000
you could give
probably like
yeah I guess yeah it was like we'd look it up and do the movie I can't do that. Like, what, October of 2000? You could probably give a guess.
Yeah, we'd look it up and do that movie.
Probably Genie in a Bottle.
Good guess.
I'm going to take a guess.
October 2000?
October 2000.
I think that's got it.
I mean, wasn't that Spears' heyday?
It was Spears versus Aguilera.
2000 was Aguilera's year.
I mean, Spears had 96, 97, 98, and 99.
I mean, Backstreet Boys' Millennium was out.
Will Smith's Willennium was out, too.
Willennium was out.
Oh, what a time.
Who was the top non-boy band?
Savage Garden?
Oh, no.
I have no idea.
I remember that album being on the tape.
Is it a guy or a girl?
Number one is a girl. Number two is a girl. Number three is a girl? Number one is a girl. Number two is a girl.
Number three is a band. Number four is a band.
Number five is a girl.
Alanis? No.
That was like 96.
Cheryl Crow?
Jewel?
What genre?
Oh, Beyonce. Oh my god, of course, Destiny's Child.
What's the answer?
Aguilera.
Are you looking it up? Are you revealing the answer?
Oh, no.
Who is it?
I'm sorry.
I'm just thinking.
Aguilera, come over.
Madonna.
We were close.
Music.
What were the other criteria?
The number one movie?
Number one movie, yeah.
In terms of gross or like?
Usually it was like the box office that weekend.
That's interesting.
This show would be awesome.
One toy.
We did it for over 200 episodes.
What?
You got the back end.
Sorry.
Bring it back.
It was awesome.
I want to know the movie.
I want to know the movie.
Have guests be on too.
You should have Pup Punk.
Pup Punk should do the cover of whatever the number one song was.
Yeah.
That could be the outro to the episode.
Oh, and I would like you to do some more work.
That would be awesome.
Yeah, you should do extra stuff, Ron.
Why don't you do a new cover every week?
Yeah.
Record it.
Yes.
Mix it.
Yes.
And maybe a music video.
Definitely a music video.
Yeah, a music video, for sure.
And then we'll sell it.
So you'll have to pull any cusses.
Some wood grooming products.
There's no better feeling than someone associating you with a great smell.
Billy Elliot.
Billy Elliot.
Billy Elliot. Yeah, but a little boy that could dance, right?
Oh, yeah.
Irish or British boy that could dance.
I think it was nominated for Best Picture.
Yes.
Won a lot of awards.
Billy Elliot.
I've never heard of that in my life.
Me neither.
I'm surprised it was number one.
It's kind of heartbreaking.
Is it heartbreaking?
Does he die?
They just bully the shit out of him relentlessly because he dances.
What was the movie where Hayley Jalos gets stabbed?
Makes sense.
Entourage?
Pay It Forward?
Pay It Forward with Kevin Spacey.
Entourage movie.
Yeah, he gets stabbed.
Helen Hunt's in that too, right?
Yeah.
Wood is our men's grooming line that offers products across hair, body, beard, and shave.
And if you want a strong, consistent smell, stock up on Wood's Golden Hour.
Golden Hour has notes of smooth brandy and Madagascar vanilla and comes in deodorant and shampoo plus conditioner and body wash.
Vanilla and brandy.
Yummy. And you can douche with that.
Oh yeah, it's recommended to
douche with it. Uniform your grooming
and solidify your smell. Shop
Woods Golden Hour
at getwood
w-o-u-l-d dot com
or at your local CVS.
Should we spin the wheel? We should.
If we land on 24-hour fast,
it's a 48-hour fast
until we're back in the studio, correct?
Do it one dose of meth.
Yeah.
Dry.
We're dry.
That's a bone.
Good way to end a Friday.
Great way.
I did a 48-hour fast.
Yeah?
Really?
It's not as bad as you think.
You're more so just very annoyed. that's it like you just are kind
of pissed you're allowed to drink water yeah so like you the way i did it was you drink you can
only drink water and then each morning you have uh warm water with a little bit of salt in it
because you need the electrolytes or else like you will pass out and then you're not supposed
to have any caffeine either so like for lunch you have a decaffeinated tea but yeah you don't really
get that hungry you're just kind of pissed. Ryan Seacrest
does alternating 48 hour fasting and eating.
Really? Really. I don't know.
Fucking weirdo.
I would believe it. I was going to say I think probably
once a month I go 48 hours
without eating. Yeah, without even knowing it.
And then I binge. What did you say?
I think I eat in spurts.
Like a lion. Why?
Eat more. We'll see. You're like a lion. Why? Eat more.
We'll see.
You look like you do 48-hour fasts every month.
You do look like that.
Yeah.
It's intermittent.
Chris, you look like you do 48-day fasts.
No, I don't.
I've always been this size.
Chris, tell Roan thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You look thin.
Yes, I know.
I'm skinny, but thin.
Yes, yes.
Adrian Brody got real pissed because people were calling him skinny. And he's like, I'm not skinny. You look thin. Yes, I know. I'm well aware. Yes, yes. Adrian Brody got real pissed because people were calling him skinny.
And he's like, I'm not skinny.
I'm thin.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm skinny.
Yeah.
Yeah, you look great, though.
And I would love to listen to these podcasts.
Where can people find them?
Are they still on Apple?
Still around, yeah.
Quantum is still around.
And then hopefully the other ones will get started now that I'm here.
You going to the F1 racing this weekend?
I'm not, no.
I'm going back.
Cass, are you?
I am, yes.
Really?
I don't know.
Wait, where is it?
Brooklyn, right?
I don't know if it's F1.
Oh, what is it?
I don't know.
You told me already what it was.
I was setting you up, dude.
I think it's called the 2022 New York E-Prix.
So you know exactly what it is.
Do you think that's what it is?
Or is that just a shot in the dark?
Something like that.
Monkey type of shit.
Might be 2019.
I don't remember.
Since when are you not absolutely certain in what you're saying?
Yeah, this is weird.
Yep, I will be there for the Saturday event.
Tickets are in your bio.
Tickets are in my bio. Tickets are in my bio.
I am racing.
That would be so tough.
That would be so fucking dope.
I'm actually really excited to go.
That is cool.
Oh, wait, it's just video games?
No.
Yeah, it's just video games.
Why is it called EPRI?
Are they all electric?
They are.
I believe they are all electric.
I don't really know much about it.
Some of my friends are going and they said, hey, the tickets are only 15 bucks.
That's cool. How do they sell tickets. Is it all around Brooklyn like this?
Like they're making it out to be or is it just
a little track?
Imagine if it was just like
through the streets of Brooklyn.
Walk the streets.
That's what they're making it look like.
Someone's car just
smashes through your fucking apartment.
Or stay the fucking year.
They should do the E-Prix in New York with just electric city bikes and just have locals.
There would be a lot of deaths.
Yes, there would.
What does the E stand for?
Electric.
Here it is.
So where in Brooklyn is that?
Is that the Navy Yard?
I don't know.
It's probably the Navy Yard.
Red Hook.
Brooklyn Cruise Terminal.
Red Hook. Oh, Red Hook. The fuck? Is that where the Ikea is? I don't know. It's probably the Navy Yard. Red Hook. Brooklyn Cruise Terminal. Red Hook.
Oh, Red Hook.
Oh, Red Hook.
The fuck?
Is that where the Ikea is?
Yes, it is.
Ikea never has fucking anything.
You do know New York
pretty well.
A little bit.
As long as it's like
a flat package store.
Yes, it is.
It was here before 2016.
I don't really know
what the vibe is going to be like.
I wonder if anyone will be there.
Imagine you're the only one that got the vibe is going to be like. I wonder if anyone will be there.
Imagine you're the only one that got a ticket.
That would be crazy.
Oh, thank God.
You want to drive?
No.
You should bring crowd work to racing.
I know.
I will.
I'm excited for it.
It's going to be fun.
It's going to be a good time.
Race jokes?
Yeah, race jokes. That would jokes that's that'll be dope
as fuck you're gonna get dude you know what i'm trying to i was gonna go out to rockaway but my
boy's sick out there but i'm trying to tube dude but i don't know where i could tube i just want
to hop in a wind and a river and float dude go to the delaware it's not that far delaware river
tube and rockaway delight i was gonna go to rockaway beach and now i want to tube as a
has a spot where like halfway through your tube trip,
there's a guy who sets up his hot dog stand on the island.
Shut up.
And you tube to the island.
You get hot dogs.
You keep going.
These people let me know where I can tube.
Can you go with one car?
Do you need two cars to tube, one to drop off,
and then the other one to be waiting?
Or is there some kind of bus?
There's companies out there that will, whatever.
You park at that beginning and then
tube and then they'll
drive you back up
or vice versa
you could go to
Ohio Pile
you could go to
Ohio Pile
the rapids
do the Yaka Ganey
Pussy's Great
I mentioned that earlier
probably at the beginning
of the show
all that
Harper's Ferry
I never said great
I said underrated
underrated
oh okay
and it's not rated that well
sure
still underrated though
Harper's Ferry
West Virginia
I went tubing there once
and the company was like, it's all well and good, but then
at the very end, watch out for this rocky area.
And we're like, oh, so we don't hit the rocks.
No, all the locals hang out in there
and they'll come out and they'll steal your tubes from you
right out the river and stuff.
I swear to God. There's tube bandits?
Tube bandits that come out of the rocks.
Absolutely disrespectful move to steal
someone's tube.
Why are the locals so mean? I don don't know you can't resell that you got if you got your tube stolen in front of your face in front of your wife i just think it's funny how you let that happen
we already took it what do you mean to do she belongs to us now yeah the whole way up there
the husband's like you got to watch out for these tube pirates. He's like, shut the fuck up.
And sure enough, it happens.
God, how was tubing?
It was okay.
It was interesting.
Where's the tube?
Where is it?
Wait, so when you tube, does that mean your ass is in the water?
A little bit.
A little bit.
It depends.
It depends on how, if you can dunk it or you can like engage your core a little bit and just across the top yeah and some tubing companies you can pay a little extra for a nicer
tube like the place in harpers ferry which has no hole in it that's not a tube that's a raft that's
true that's true that's a good point yeah but uh have you guys never toot i have i've done it in
uh well we used to do it at Waterworld. The shit down the Delaware?
Where is this?
How far from New York is this?
I have done this, and it's a delight.
I don't know if this is the exact company. God damn, it's good tubing weather this weekend.
I fuck with snow tubing as well.
I like that too.
Snow tubing's a blast.
Then you get the pulley that gets you back up.
Dude, let's go tube.
Who all wants to go tube?
Who's the hot dog man?
Hold on.
That was the hot dog guy.
There he is.
Yeah, water water tubing snow tubing
jeffrey tube right crantz right crantz that's a good guy that's a great guy yeah what a job that's
like what if i retire i wouldn't mind doing something like that have a tubing boat and just
take people out yeah that should be sweet oh so that person was smart they got a tube just for
their cooler i think that's what you do. That's what you do.
You have to. Or you have like a flat, there's like a little rafty type things, like just a full flat square
that you can throw a couple coolers on, just drag them.
But you got to tie them up though, because they'll get a mind of their own.
Right.
I think it is a tube actually, if it still has a floor.
It depends.
It depends.
I apologize.
It's like a Mentos.
I went tubing on the Salt River in Arizona, and it's surreal because you're going through this desert
with nothing, but you're in the river.
And it was just nut to butt, hundreds of...
It was such a crazy party on the...
But people die.
I'm serious.
It's crazy.
That's what makes a good party.
People die there.
This is no joke.
It's like a Dothraki wedding.
You're like, not all of us are going to make it through this.
You're looking around like one of us
is going to die.
There's actually a tattoo artist at the
end waiting to give you your
turtle.
Did it smell bad? The Salt River?
Because I went to the Salt Lake in Utah and it smelled
terrible. No, it wasn't too bad.
Salt Lake smells bad?
I'd be damned. Worst smelling natural thing I've ever smelled.
The pH is probably...
No, no, no.
Poop smells...
I meant like...
Poop's natural.
Yeah, you're right.
Mormons have a ton of asparagus.
You have to eat unnatural food to get the poop, I guess.
Yeah, the Ike River is pretty bad.
Like a sulfur flat.
Bass is very bad.
What about the Salton Sea?
I haven't been to too many of those.
Don't get me started.
Oh, yeah.
The Salton Sea.
Yeah, I haven't been there.
Well, you don't go.
Yeah, for a leisure activity,
tubing is kind of dangerous, though.
It is.
Oh, if you're hammered, for sure.
Oh, what?
How is it dangerous?
Well, I mean,
Kay just explained why it's dangerous, dude.
It's like you're on the water.
You're on the water.
You're on the water.
It does make it dangerous.
You're obviously going to be drinking.
Yeah.
When we would do it,
we'd go to Waterworld,
and Waterworld's this massive water park
in Colorado.
Kevin Costner.
And they used to have
this massive wave pool, andado and they used to have this
massive wave pool and you go rent a tube and what people would do is that uh they would just get
their tubes ready you go to the front of the where the wave breaks and every 20 minutes they would
launch this like legitimately like seven foot wave and everyone would catch the wave on the
tube and if you didn't buy a tube it was just like i am legend like mowing down have you ever
seen that video from like china of the wave pool that is like.
Oh, yeah.
Look it up.
That super crowded wave pool.
I know.
Yeah, that shit's trying to end.
I keep like dragging.
Oh, I mean, that's kind of.
That's what Waterworld.
That's what Waterworld was like.
It was.
And then they had to.
It got so dangerous that they had to.
They ended it.
They made it like a bunch of like small waves of water world.
People die.
People die in the in wave pool. This is waves. Water world. People die in wave pools.
This is my nightmare.
This is like Battle of the Bastards, but Chinese.
This is fucking insane.
There's no reason that no one there is enjoying themselves.
This is actually plastic.
Wait, is that Donnie Does?
This is the plastic island in the-
Where's Donnie?
Yeah, literally.
That is a fucking nightmare. This is the plastic island in the... Where's Donnie? Yeah, literally.
That is a fucking nightmare. That looks like shit.
Is that just what China's like?
People are peeing, too.
People are definitely peeing in there.
Oh, for sure, for sure.
Oh, everyone is peeing?
You have to.
It's the only way.
Half of those people have to be dead.
They've always been there.
Oh, my.
It's like climbing Everest.
Trying to find what I would do to have fun.
This is like Elon Musk's pool at his house.
These waves are serious, too.
All of his kids.
Okay, that would be kind of fun if everyone was flying around.
No way.
It's like a Travis Scott concert.
How do you get out?
Dude, if you go underneath the water, you're dead.
There was a DJ playing during that. Yeah, like if the go underneath the water, you're dead. There was like a DJ playing.
Yeah, like if the Mirage was just six feet of water.
Woodstock 99 of water parks.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
What if you're in the middle and you're like, I got to go.
I got to get out of here.
You're fucked.
You got to go under.
You got to be like.
Just be going through all the legs.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got to be like.
Get out.
You got to be on PCP to survive.
They flush you out.
Those tiny feet.
Yeah.
Just die.
That'd be a sweet ride
like a big ass toilet
and it gets flushed
and everyone like
goes down together.
Yeah.
Do you feel like a god though
when you do catch the wave
in a tube?
You feel like an absolute god.
Yeah.
Your ass cheeks
your ass cheeks
just gliding over the water.
I'd love to tube with you all.
I'd love to just
I love tubing.
I used to tube
the brandywine all the time.
For real?
You are an experienced tuber. I've tubed in like seven different rivers across the U.S. I went tubing. I used to tube the Brandywine all the time. You are an experienced tuber.
I've tubed in like seven different rivers across the U.S.
I went tubing up in Washington State.
You're like George Washington.
You should tube in every one.
I love tubing.
Tube every river?
I really do.
I do.
Tubing across the U.S.
You got to start making bumper stickers for where you've tubed.
I should.
That'd be sweet.
That'll be my thing.
My tubing podcast.
Tube life. Tube every week? I would fucking be my thing. My tubing podcast. Yeah, tube life.
A tube every week?
I would fucking listen to that.
I would, too.
I definitely would.
Just a different river that you tube,
or you record it on the river.
It's the most relaxing.
And I'm not, no hyperbole,
I think that's the most relaxed I've been in my life.
Sitting on a tube the first hour or two,
you know you just have nothing but hours of floating ahead of you.
It is great.
And you can stop where you and your
friends want. You pull off to the side and
dig your cooler out and just hang out for a while.
I highly recommend it. It's great.
It's so easy to get hammered, too.
Sam, have you ever
tubed? You never tubed? I have.
Oh, I've dabbled. Tell us, bro.
You've been quiet over there. I want to hear
about your experience. He doesn't like to tube and tell.
Yeah. Oh. Yeah? He was a yacht man growing up. I want to hear about your experience. He doesn't like to tube and tell. Yeah. Oh.
Yeah?
He was a yacht man growing up.
He was a sailor.
Yeah.
I know you know every knot.
Look at his shoes right now.
Yeah, look at that.
I've actually never been on a sailboat.
Six different days in a row, you've had different pairs of mismatched socks.
I feel like you could have just remedied that by sliding it back in and lining up the same socks.
Or are they the same socks? Look how messy his hair is.
He doesn't give a damn.
No, they're not the same socks.
That's a guy that doesn't give a fuck.
I'll also...
That was one Nike.
I'll defend him.
There's like a fly buzzing around him right now.
His ass is literally pig pen for peanuts.
I fuck with you heavily, Sass.
I fuck with Sass heavy.
No, bro.
You said what you needed to say.
Stink lines as he talks.
It would be a good crew, though, if we all floated.
Hit a float.
That's what I mean.
I don't really know if I want to float with you guys.
Well, it's just our excuse to bathe you.
So you actually have to.
It'd be cool if we just got a bouncy castle
and just launched that thing into the river.
What'd you just learn, KB?
What'd I just learn?
No, I just didn't like how he said that.
Uh-oh, your brow is super furrowed.
KB, I would float with you.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
You know, oh, wait.
You know what we should do?
Get one of those, like, 15-person tubes, one of those giant circle ones.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where you put the cooler and the net in the middle.
We use a TriCaster and we podcast while we go down.
Yes, that would be awesome.
That would actually be awesome.
I love tubing so much.
I would love that.
Yeah, we will.
I don't think KB can tube.
You look like a guy that can't stay in a tube.
No, no.
You haven't figured it out.
His bottom half keeps slipping through the wall for some reason.
KB can't stay still for that long either.
No, you get moved.
I'm trying to act like I would like to do that, but I can't.
First fork in the river, you're gone.
It's not even that he can't stay still, he just can't be
with us for that long.
No, I couldn't do that.
You tie him up, tag his ass,
apple tag his ass,
some wayward luggage.
Yeah, you look to his right and all you see
is his knees next to his head and his arms straight out.
That's a way to do it, too, though.
I think that's a cool way to do it.
Superman-ing on it?
Yeah, exactly.
There are, like, light rapids, but those are the funnest part, but some people do get bundled by the light rapids.
Oh, also, your fucking ass can hit a rock.
Yes, that's also traumatic.
Also getting pulled to rules.
Have you ever tubed, Clemmer?
I have.
We had water country in New Hampshire.
Shut up.
Not water world.
And we had like a lazy river.
And you kind of go.
Oh, lazy rivers.
Water country.
It wasn't in the wild.
Tubing a river for like hours with like a cooler.
That sounds amazing.
I've never done that.
That's a blast.
That's incredible.
I really hope we do.
I'm getting like hyped up.
I hope we do.
So good. We need Big Cat because he would have just booked it. He would have booked it right now. I really hope we do I'm getting like hyped up I hope we do so good
we need Big Cat
because he would have
just booked it
he would have booked it
right now
we'd be on our way there
actually
okay so I own one now
a rental agency
alright so I bought a river
what?
what about just like that
water park?
never did the dragon stand though
we could have one slide
with a pool I would like that too one water park type slide but we'd have to go to Water Country all the time. Water Park? I never did the Dragon's Den, though. We could have one slide with a pool.
I would like that, too.
One Water Park-type slide.
We'd have to go super off-peak or off-season or the first people of the day to be there.
Because I'm not trying to deal with a crowd.
Oh, that's fun.
That looks fun.
That's fun.
We're fucking with that?
I'm fucking with this.
Is there a red body?
I did that one.
I remember doing that one.
Oh, a little group.
Shitting my pants.
Group dip?
You were so scared. I was so scared. I was like 10. I keep getting that one. Oh, shitting my pants. Group dip? You were so scared.
I was like 10.
I keep getting ass.
We have your penis infection.
Everyone gets dick rot.
Oh, yeah.
There's the lazy river.
We weren't nearly grossed off enough.
That's not slow enough to be called dick rot.
Dick rot.
Yeah.
You guys really breezed past that.
I was grateful.
You did too.
That's like an umbrella term for a disease they couldn't even decipher.
You've passed that on to tons of women.
Pussy rot.
Is my pussy rotting?
Rudy, explain this.
Welcome to the club.
Yeah, no.
Water parks are fun.
I mean, water parks are fun just because...
I mean, water parks are somewhere where you do get... Dick rot.
Yes.
You come out a different person for sure.
Not a floating bandit.
I do agree with you though, Sass.
It is fucking scary.
I used to go to them when I was a kid.
Part of the fun though is the absolute fear.
You know?
Oh, yeah.
What the fuck is that?
Oh my God.
Jesus.
This is what I'm talking about.
The new water park tech. No. Oh my that? Oh, my God. Jesus. This is what I'm talking about. The new water park tech.
No.
Oh, my God.
Oh, dude.
They did the water coasters, which have conveyor belts that can make you go uphill.
Now this is the new thing.
Where is this?
Hogwarts?
Oh, my God.
After Octopus's Lair?
It looks like the sorter inflated.
This looks like Willy Wonka's worst nightmare.
What the fuck is...
Yeah.
I want to see if I can go through it.
Yeah, I want to see what it looks like.
I think it's kind of underwhelming. It just rocks you back and forth, basically. That's a pu worse nightmare. What the fuck is... Yeah. I want to see Toto go through it. Yeah, I want to see what it looks like. I think it's kind of underwhelming.
It just rocks you back and forth, basically.
No, thanks.
That's a puke factory.
Yeah.
I don't know how you get out.
But the thing is, part of the fun of water slides are speed.
Like in open air.
Yeah.
How can you go upside down in a...
Oh, you die.
It's round, so you stay in the ground.
Yeah, because you're not...
Wow.
They do have one-two flips in them now, though. Let's take drugs and do this.
Yes.
I think it looks cool.
I have not even looked at the slide once.
Who the fuck is filming?
Are you on titties, Nick?
Yeah.
I've never seen someone at a water park.
Oh, this looks fun.
Nick's imagining himself in the tube with them
why is she wearing
a quarter zip
is that a wetsuit
DJ let's go
.5 speed
she just got pulled
out of a meeting
I'm at company happy hour
I had no fucking idea
that it was
it was gonna be
the never ending
infinite water slide
what are the boys
in the comments
MC Escher
finally made a water slide.
You're just on it forever.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
In the Mobius strip.
Waterworld had this one.
It's always back to Waterworld with you.
I know.
This is my only point of reference.
They had this one ride called Storm, and it was pitch black, it had uh strobe lights for lightning and that was
like a like a yeah it was pretty sick we used to go in it they give you like the big tubes with
like four or five people and so when you're in it all of us would just jump out oh yeah and then
you're just loose you're just loose in the darkness in the fucking void sorry to interrupt
owen rudy could you both do me a favor course. Can you write down on this piece of paper when you bought your white Birkenstocks?
Ooh.
Yes.
Who put on who?
Need a pen.
Thank you.
Write it down.
Keep it to yourself.
He wants it to be permanent.
Oh, no.
Getting, like, fucked up by, like, a scary roller coaster is, like, the lamest shit for,
like, anyone over.
Like, have you ever gotten, like, really, like, you get off a roller coaster and you're
like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. Have at the mall of america one it was dude oh
yeah at the paul bunion ride it's fuck i've had to leave lines because of panic attacks
about oh damn shit diarrhea Fear-based diarrhea immediately after. Fear-based diarrhea. It's a thing. Lantern ride at Six Flags.
I've never heard that.
Left the line immediately at diarrhea.
I was in third grade.
I jumped off of the Splash Mountain right as it was about to crest.
It was like right at the peak about to go down, and I jumped off the ride.
You were probably the man your whole life.
I was scared.
I was terrified.
You're so sick.
Getting to the top of a speed slide and then having to walk down the steps past everybody whole life. Oh, it was. I was scared. I was terrified. You're so sick, dude.
Getting to the top of a speed slide and then having to walk down the steps past everybody because you're afraid.
Dude, yeah.
Everybody's just looking at you.
And it's all a bunch of kids younger than you.
Shorter.
I remember skiing in like second grade with some kid and he took me on a trail that I
couldn't do and they had to bring me down on like the fucking stretcher.
On a stretcher? On the emergency the emergency sled they're like don't
worry buddy i got you i was like sliding down on my ass and then they come over and like the whole
rescue team brings me down i did the christmas story thing on a ski lift where i got my tongue
stuck to it oh really i was like personally myth busting it on like a chair like so was the chair
going and you're like oh fuck what's gonna happen when I'm alone
was anyone else in the lift with you
it was my dad
he was just like you gotta rip it off
and I was like no and then he just did it for me
oh really
I was missing some tongue
left tongue behind
I knew that was true after I licked a popsicle
I just did that down the Jersey shore
the fudgy wudgy man
and I got what is it the dry ice I fudgy wudgy man and I got
what is it the dry ice I went to bite
it immediately felt it pulled it off
part of my lips and what
blood on the popsicle really ripped
off a fudgy wudgy man popsicle like
a couple weeks ago I know I mean I was
about to give it to my son and I thought let me try
it first and thank God because like yeah
whatever oh this is nerve
wracking here Nick if you could pass it on.
I'm nervous.
Nick's over here looking up more tubing videos.
I'm looking up tubing.
Can you throw that pen back to Rudy?
Do you leave skin behind on the chairlift?
Could you see your tongue?
Yeah.
No meat.
No meat.
That would be so funny if it was just your whole tongue.
Whole thing there.
People are getting on the lift after.
Is that a tongue?
Yeah, fuck it off.
Is that a fucking tongue?
Oh, gross.
And then he just eats it.
Yeah.
Aren't you supposed to use hot water?
Is that the remedy?
Yeah, I didn't have any on the ski lift.
You didn't bring your tea kettle?
That would have been.
You kind of had to.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Why are you covering up?
That's got to be a dude.
No, it's like us on the water. Oh a minute, wait a minute. Why are you covering up? That's got to be a dude.
That's like us on the water.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Yay.
Very slow.
They keep going backwards.
They're sloshing so hard.
They jumped the gun on this tech.
Yeah, it's too soon.
Rudy bought his white Birkenstocks.
Your tech, TJ.
The thing.
I'm nervous.
On May 27th, 2022.
Owen bought his white Birkenstocks.
On April 26 26, 2020.
Wow.
It was inevitable.
It was inevitable.
The white Birkenstocks.
Poppy Cat.
Gutsy Lost by Rudy.
Are those real Birkenstocks?
Hell yeah, brother.
Damn, because I've been pulling off the $10 ones.
Oh, okay.
I'm kidding.
I got them at the gas station on BVA.
I got those online.
They were $350.
Jesus Christ.
I actually believe you.
They're off-white.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But in off-white quotes, though.
In the Virgil Abloh quotes on fraud.
This hurts.
This is a huge hit to my brand.
Good news is you got pussy way sooner and more often than that.
With them or just in life
life
just on his shirt
way sooner
I'm gonna have to pivot now
yeah
to what
a different color Berkey
no I'm gonna have to just wear like
I'm gonna have to do like
a walk of atonement
no shoes
yeah you are
shame
you have to wear
it's like three Game of Thrones references in this episode.
I just recently rewatched it.
Yeah, I suffer from recency bias pretty heavily.
That's fine, though.
Yeah.
You've got to draw from what you can draw from.
Exactly.
Realistic.
You're not going to be making some fucking wayside school reference from a book you read
when you were fucking 12.
Yeah, I'm not going to reference.
You had dick rot.
Yeah, I'm not going to reference the outsiders.
Kate.
Crack.
Is it different between you and Che?
Oh, yeah.
You saw his penis.
You saw the whole thing.
Then the question...
You think you saw it, right?
You couldn't even tell?
There was shadows.
There was a lot of shadows.
Yeah, and also,
it was just hard to make out.
His belly probably.
And then the question
on the sheet today.
That was a lot.
What was that? It was a lot. Wait, can you guys fill me in? How'd you see sheet today. What was that?
Wait, can you guys fill me in?
How did you see his dick?
Was that the face painter?
No.
What the hell was that?
Who just walked past?
Was it the cleaning lady?
Hiding from the middle-aged cleaning lady?
You're hiding from me?
Me?
You finally did it.
Who did he hide from?
What was he doing?
The way you hid was so funny.
Quality control.
You just went ass out.
Quality control.
Not him.
What was that?
What was the Jurassic Five?
What was the...
Jurassic Five?
Yeah.
Rap group.
Jurassic Five.
Yeah, Jurassic Five.
Yeah, that was good.
Don't let him Jurassic Five you.
That's how he always changes the fucking theme.
Wait a minute.
What was the guy's name from Jurassic 5?
What was his name?
I think it was Akon.
Akon City.
Why?
Were you and the cleaning lady listening to that when you fucked?
I did not find that.
Harley Tuna.
Harley Tuna's the guy from Jurassic 5.
Who were you just hiding from
fucking tell us
what just happened there
no because then if I
tell you they'll find out
I don't want someone to know
I was hiding from them
that's like humbling
I didn't see anyone but her
I didn't see anyone
someone walked by I saw
oh who was it
describe
describe
but now I'm fucked
I saw it was a bat
what did their back look like
describe the back
was it a man or a woman
I'm gonna get
I'm gonna be
you're gonna fuck me over
don't say it yes say it say... You're going to fuck me over.
Don't... Yes, say it.
Say it.
Your loyalty to us.
The company will be fucked over.
I don't know who it was.
All I saw was a back.
75, 25.
Man?
That's how old?
No, no, no.
That's the age range.
Percentage of who I think it could have been.
Man to woman.
It was very quick.
It was in my eye.
I did not see what it was.
Hubs?
Was it Hubsie?
Did you mention Hubs?
I always forget we have these other cameras.
Fucking Hubs.
Hubsie. He's Fucking hubs. Hubs.
He's fucking high.
They didn't walk by that way.
They walked by leaving.
Yeah, they left.
Oh.
Can we pull tape?
Pull tapes.
Have that ready in.
What color?
What color clothing?
I couldn't tell.
They were wearing a.
It was just in the corner of my eye.
I saw.
I heard the door more than I saw.
Heard it.
This room is airtight.
This room's soundproof.
You can hear.
You can.
In defense of Kyle.
Clemmer does have antennas.
I do.
Yeah.
See, this is good for something.
I've located it.
Yeah.
It was very nice, actually.
My first day, Kyle came out to me.
There's a stool there, Clemmer.
You've been standing this entire time.
I don't know if you guys still want me to leave.
I know.
You guys just.
Yeah.
Tell from your body language.
You didn't have to do it.
No, I'm glad to stay. I don't know. I like you here. Yeah. So I should stay here? Yeah. Get the your body language. No, I'm glad to stay.
I like you here, yeah.
So I should stay here?
Yeah.
You might as well just finish it off.
I wouldn't mind a cider.
Let's have some Magners.
On ice.
Love a cider.
Do we have any?
You want to run and grab us some?
How many can you put down?
Like at one time?
What's your PR?
We get a 12 pound
I had over a dozen
before in a night
but like
it all fucked up.
I had a spicy margarita
before the show started.
Ooh.
Kim made it for me.
Kim?
So I said why not?
Last time you had a margarita
you saw Stephen Chase penis,
right?
That's true.
That was pina colada.
Pina colada.
Pina colada.
I think I have to add
a story of the bus
besides seeing
two people's penises.
We were on the bus and Kate was I saw three people's penises. We were on the bus, and Kate was obviously...
I saw three people's penises.
She was sitting right in front of me,
and she was pretty noticed to be drunk.
And all of a sudden, she's...
Oh, no.
All of a sudden, she screams,
Nature! Nature!
And she points, and there were, like, two deer in the woods,
like, right on the other side of the bus.
But you were very excited.
But instead of screaming a deer, you screamed nature.
Yeah, I did.
She screamed it twice.
She didn't know what they were.
This corroborates my story
that I was a little fucked up.
Yes, you were.
You staggered back to the bathroom.
I did.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Did you guys see that video this morning
of two deers brawling,
standing up on like a suburban lawn?
What?
It was fucking awesome.
Like throwing punches?
They were throwing punches.
On their back legs?
They were fighting like kangaroos,
but they were standing on their back legs.
Those buff kangaroos.
Like it was,
I had never seen anything like it.
Remember those when animals attack shows
on like,
I forget whatever channel,
but like every now and then
a buck would attack a hunter
and like be ripped.
And yeah.
That was fucking,
yeah.
Whoa.
No way.
Those,
is that a girl fight?
Yeah,
it looks like that fight. It looks like a cat fight.
It looks like a girl fight.
How do you just drive by that?
Can you imagine that guy driving by?
Bitch, you got me fucked up.
What's your order?
There's like a dog that sees it in the background.
The dog has stopped in its tracks.
No deer in Washington.
While their ears are tucked, they're going.
With a four-piece.
This is awesome.
What instigated this?
How does this fight end?
Wait, why would lady deers fight?
Over a man.
Right, over a man.
Over a buck.
There, it looks like it was about to mount.
It was like, oh, that's not what we do.
Oh.
Let's just square back up like Joey's.
Like Molinaro's.
Does anyone else think this is kind of hot?
I mean.
Okay, so.
Oh, is it hurt?
Not enough.
Oh.
Did you guys all grow up amongst a deer?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They had them in Philly?
Yeah. all grow up amongst a deer yeah yeah yeah yeah they had them in philly yeah i remember one time in delaware county at christmas going from one kid's house to another and it was like a crowded
neighborhood you know like where the houses are all close together and a whole group of deer ran
into the side of my aunt jerry's minivan when we were all in the car like there was a deer head
that slammed all of us like there was like three deer birds flying into a plane there was like a
group of deer running and they all hit her car and it was like make a movie it was like traumatic john
for some of my younger cousins it was like yeah it was really weird i remember driving to wingbowl
when i was a sophomore in high school my dad was driving me it was snowing that morning we saw a
fucking like 15 deer at once on the way to wingbowl this is a wing eating competition or tasting
eating did you know manhattan gets like foxes and wolves and shit every now and then.
Like they somehow.
I swear to God.
Morris County, Jersey gets so many bears.
They're everywhere.
Yeah, there's bears.
I saw a big ass pig when I was fucking driving around France in the middle of the night.
You saw a big pig?
In France?
That would have been, yeah.
Pig in France?
A fat fucking.
Truffle pig?
Maybe.
But it was like right on the side of the road.
Fucking a big ass pig just wandering, dude. A little ass pig. A fat fucking. Truffle pig? Maybe. But it was like right on the side of the road. Fucking a big ass pig just wandering, dude.
A little cap on.
Who's smoking a cigarette on the side of the road.
Went wee, wee, wee all the way home.
That place.
Foxes move in numbers and they're menaces.
My mom one time turned me into a mercenary
and had me attack a bunch of foxes.
Like the TikTok trend?
There's a family of foxes out front.
We're about to fight them.
Put your shoes on.
It was literally like that.
I couldn't believe how metal she got with it.
We got this new thing of landscaping on our corner
and a family of foxes moved in.
I don't know if you guys have ever heard a baby fox it sounds like a infant like yeah like wail and scream it's like a really
unsettling noise and then each of your siblings got one like john snow and his brothers yes yes
actually mine was the pale one um but no so my mom was like you have that airsoft gun still right
yeah she's like you're just want to really hurt these little foxes like you're gonna you're gonna get on this you're gonna get on
the roof and you're gonna shoot a shitty mom and i was like i was like what the fuck mom sucks
okay but airsoft gun isn't gonna do shit no it's annoyed them yeah growing up though you
like foxes and wolves i feel like are lumped into each other. And wolves have to be way more scarier than foxes.
Foxes are little bitches.
They're like cats.
They're super frail, too, yeah.
Whereas wolves have a ton of girth.
Did you see Donnie's Iraq video?
He's at this marketplace, and the guy's just selling crates of wolves.
Baby wolves.
That's fucked up.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's crazy.
Maybe.
For us us it is
I don't know
It might be dope
If we just had wolves around
Yeah
They reintroduced them
They're back in the
In the Rocky Mountains
They reintroduced them
Like 10 years ago
What was invasive
That they need to
Well that was back
For the toad
Oh yeah yeah
Also that was back
When you could just get
Merked by a wolf
Nowadays it's like
You're not really gonna get
Got so they brought them back
You can get rabid though
Yeah they can
There's a rabid wolf
A rabid fox in my town
Really
Yeah he's like
Roaming around
And I have dogs
I was kind of nervous
If you need me
I can
Airsoft
Airsoft gun
I'm for hire
We're leaving New Hampshire now
I'm like Liam Neeson
Against foxes
You just karate chop
Their necks
What if it's like
A Tyler Durden situation
And you are the rabid fox?
In the middle of the night,
like you just fucking,
and then there's like,
you only find out
because there's also a rabid fox in Miami
and you start like connecting the dots
and it's like, fuck,
it was me the entire time.
More dogs would be so confused.
I know.
You didn't kill them,
so maybe they're like friend of the rabid fox.
They don't carry the fear that you do.
It's true. Yeah, maybe. You are the rabid fox. They don't carry the fear that you do. It's true.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe you are the rabid fox.
I'm a rabid fox ally.
Yeah.
That's dope.
I think that could really be what's going on.
Should we end the show?
Yeah.
We did a good run.
Yeah, it was a good run.
Nice yucking it up with you.
I'm all elastic.
We'll talk about almost 100 minutes of yucking.
Tubing tomorrow, guys?
Yep.
See you there.
9 a.m.
100K soon.
Please. Yes. Oh, yeah. What number areing tomorrow, guys? Yep. See you there. 100K soon. Please.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
What number are we at, TJ?
Look at that.
Oh.
What do we owe the people in-
12-hour stream.
Plus, we're going to do-
Yeah, no.
No.
What's the best hours to do a 12-hour?
Eight to eight or something like that?
Yeah.
I would say one to one.
No. I feel like overnight is fun. I would say 1 to 1.
I feel like overnight is fun.
I want to be home. I would rather come in in the morning than 1am to 1pm.
Or 2am to 2pm.
About 9 to 9.
I think overnight's more fun.
It's like a sleepover. You hit the delirious
hours and everybody gets goofy.
We did do that with
you rocked with us for that fantasy football
punishment. And it was fun. I thought it was
fun. You didn't have to do it.
You just were ride or die.
I just eek my way into places and don't
leave. You
exponentially made it better.
My vote would be
for 8 to 8. I'm back on
I'm thinking. I want it to be spooky. I want it to be
overnight.
Lights off in the office
Yeah
The only thing is
overnight turns it
into like
now we have to
block off 24 hours
instead of 12
because that ruins
the other 12 hours
Yeah
8 to 8
8 to 8 is good
8 to 8 is ideal
I don't care about that
I don't care about that
Yeah
You guys care about that?
No
I don't care about that Yeah not at't care about that. Yeah, me too. You guys care about that? No. I don't care about that.
Yeah, not at all.
I feign interest to protect my own reputation.
Yeah, just hope people will like you more.
What time is Brandon's, TJ?
Five?
Five to six.
But nobody...
Could we do like a four to four?
He can just take that corner.
Tell Brandon we got a new guy that lists things in town.
He can do it during our show.
Where are we going to piss and shit?
If that's technically possible, we could do that.
Yes, we could do all shows during our show.
We will be all shows that day.
We should do it so it's 12 hours,
but we have to be soaking wet the entire time.
One bathroom break the whole 12 hours.
To dry off a little bit,
but you all have to share.
All you can eat is double Ritz.
Yeah.
Udaben's going to be in my guts.
Yep.
See the Ritz comment
that I don't like to talk?
Yeah, Ritz liked your stuff.
That's a big deal.
Thank you, Ritz.
Is your family proud?
Show his dance.
I just like it.
Going into the weekend,
some vibes for the weekend.
Maybe some like
non-copyrighted music and KB dancing.
Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.
I like how he chews in time, dude.
Look at him.
Look at him looking at it.
He keeps on looking at his body, but then looking up at us to make sure we're watching.
He always looks up smiling from his body because he has enjoyed it so much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like this video.
I love it.
I like it a lot.
It's a good video.
Maybe somebody DM'd it to me.
An empanada restaurant used it as their promo clip.
Nice.
I would like to see that.
I just got a free empanada, though.
I just sent it to you.
They just put when it's empanada time.
No way.
When it's time for some Burmese food.
We need to get Burmese.
I was going to get some Burmese today.
I'm feeling like.
When that dude wipe hit.
Yeah.
Every brand should use that video.
Yeah.
We need to have it for some wood.
When you crack a ice cold six pack
of wood grooming products.
Yeah.
When the first wood
of the weekend hits.
Friday woods.
So word for word
it was when you take
that first bite of fried
empanadas from the Empanada Boys.
Yeah, relatable.
Yeah, that's very relatable. Where are they?
Where's Empanada Boys? Are they local?
I thought Vegas, but
that appears to be his last name. Oh, are these by Chef Ruben?
Yeah. How do you say
his last name? I'll let you try that.
Venegas?
Uh-oh.
I've made a huge mistake.
That was a perfect pick and roll by Ron right there.
Oh, man.
You could slow that up.
You could speed it up.
You could do whatever you want with that.
You could really make that what you need it to be.
I'll get the Yak fans busy for the weekend.
Yeah.
Clubhouse is working overtime.
Yeah, he just hopped on the tractor to fucking...
Working Adobe Premiere.
How does he edit all his shit, you think?
Phone only.
Clips it right on the tractor there?
On his phone.
He just screen records.
He's a beast, yeah.
His first meeting that he hopped in,
they were
offering him some help and resources.
He's like, oh no, I'd like to just screen
record and edit everything on my iPhone 6.
Respect.
He's so handily keeping it. I had to give him a whole team.
Yeah.
He's killing it.
What's up? What? Someone say my name?
Yeah, someone just said it.
Oh, shit, shit.
Is that a common misconception that you run into?
Yeah.
Rudy and the Beast?
Is this movie about me?
It's the cross I bear.
James Blunt just wrote a song for you.
Also, I run into a big issue with dogs.
What?
A lot of dogs.
God.
It's a good dog name.
Hot dog place called Rudy's.
Yeah.
A lot of bars, barbershops.
But Rudy's actually not my real name.
My full name's Rudolph.
He was a contestant on Survivor season episode one.
Season one.
Oh, yeah.
Season one.
Old guy, right?
I think he was top three.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rudy's standard. He just died, I think he was top three. Yeah. Yeah. Rudy Studdard.
He just died, I think.
Oh, yeah.
I can imagine.
Oh, look at the little cartoon.
The empanada boys.
I like that little empanada.
Thank you, empanada boys.
And the cartoon also says...
You thanking things is funny.
Are empanadas the least expensive food that exists?
Yes.
They have it everywhere.
Bazooka gum.
There's a place around the corner.
You forgot about bazooka gum.
That comes with a free comic.
Yeah.
I walked underprivileged kids to school
my entire senior year of college
for community service.
We'd get them all empanadas for breakfast.
Yeah.
75 cents, good breakfast.
They're good.
They're always good.
I do the dance
I think when I
what's the difference
between that
and a Jamaican beef patty
is it the same thing
yeah
yes
they're the same
crust is a little different
I would say
is it actually
yes
a little different
but is it flakier
on the beef patty
I would say so
I think so
it makes me laugh
the empanada boys
do they have something
different in their
empanadas
I don't do it anymore I don't feel like laughing the the empanada boys, do they have something different in their empanadas? I don't do it anymore.
I don't feel like laughing.
The regular empanadas?
Boys.
Hey, you said in the beginning
of the show
you're looking for boys.
New boys.
Yeah, you just got that.
Hey, baby.
Wait, did he have an empanada?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey I'm a little more relaxed. You guys pick after me.
Like a grind line at a musical dance.
Look at that.
Good vibes.
It did look like a grind line.
It did.
Oh, my God.
I'm having fun.
I love this team.
I'm having fun.
Good team.
Yeah, we should kick off Big Cat.
Yeah.
Maybe Clemmer takes his spot.
I'm sure the people would love that.
People love Clemmer.
Have you ever been disliked in your life?
Yes.
By who?
Every day on social media.
I feel like you've been universally well received.
I think some of the...
People that don't like me.
A lot of the Kirk minifans are angry at me.
How so?
About what?
Uh, just the way, like the way I left the show or the way.
What's your transgression though?
Just leaving the show?
Well, they threw me out of the studio because they didn't think I cared about the show anymore.
And then some of the minifans agree with that.
But I still, I still do love KMS.
So I think that's erroneous.
That's crazy.
They're usually a pretty fun-loving bunch.
They really are.
I'm a Minifan, so they really are great people
when you meet them in person and stuff.
No, I think KMS is the best podcast.
Yeah, people do forget that you had an in-real-life heckler.
They drove me home from a Rhode Island game.
Oh, two Min fans, strangers.
Yeah, we were storm chasing, and they were just like, hop in.
We never heard of you, but we love Kirk.
All right.
They're really generous.
Why do they hate you?
It seems like you're really nice and well-intentioned.
They seem to be nice and well-intentioned.
I think it's not in the show anymore.
I think Kirk's annoyed with me a little bit, but I'm sure it'll work out.
Yeah, we can build that bridge back up.
I think so.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
You'll have a-
You went on to bigger and better.
I don't think so.
No, you did.
You did.
Jesus.
I'm here now and I'm happy.
You're an employee.
You're about to have your own podcast.
That's true.
I mean, that's the big thing.
It's like, you know,
what are you and Fran doing a pod about?
Oh, no.
You're just, you're not doing a pod.
He's just crashing out of place for the time being.
Yeah, so I missed the first half of the show.
Sharing Todd pods.
I thought you were living with her until you got a set place.
No, I spent the last week in a pretty sad hotel room.
It had one picture on the wall, and I was happy to just have hot water.
What was the picture?
It was of flowers, daisies, three daisies above the bed.
Nice.
I don't know what that signified exactly,
but it cheered the room up from being suicidal to just depressing.
You think someone killed themselves in there?
Oh, yeah.
It's pretty new, so maybe not,
but I guarantee someone at a hotel has,
like, most people have killed themselves.
I feel like they would give you a hotel room right around the corner.
Right, like, here. I feel like they would just give a hotel room right around the corner. Right, like, here.
I feel like they would just give you a hotel room.
You have, like, two months.
If someone wants to give me a hotel room, I'll gladly take it.
True.
Or you could just live at Erica's.
Didn't, when Brett Merriman first started working here,
you lived in Erica's basement or guest house or something?
That's very nice.
No, I don't mind the hotels.
They're fine.
And it's kind of fun to go to different hotels each week.
Offer him your couch?
Oh, no, thank you.
I don't want to sleep on someone's couch.
Yeah.
You didn't.
Pull out couch.
No.
Oh, in that case.
You'd have like that bar in the back.
Well, Nick, why don't you offer him your couch?
Yeah, isn't your couch the spot to stay?
No, it's too small.
You offered it to John Ridge.
Yeah, he said it.
I'm not lying.
My jumbo sack shrunk.
What?
It's like 75% of the size it was. My jumbo sack shrunk. What?
It's like 75% of the size it was.
You just have a bigger space.
I don't know what
the moving guys did.
I think they like
maybe removed
some beads.
It's like when a
goldfish dies
and they got just another one.
It is noticeably
and overtly small.
It lost.
It looks like
a normal bean bag.
You have to refresh
your machine.
I think Nick's right.
They lost it.
They lost it.
They're like, fuck.
Spray painted another one that color like the parents. You're the type your shoes every now and then. I think Nick's right. They lost it. They lost it. They're like, fuck. Spray painted another one
that color.
I don't know.
You're the type of guy
that wouldn't really know.
It's just a bag of trash.
I wanted to post.
Yeah, no.
Unless they saved it
like collector's dirt
from a stadium.
They just have KB's beans
in a jar somewhere.
Wait, you definitely
It's smaller.
It's smaller.
Simple as that.
It can't be.
They're the same material
and color. You have to refresh your beans every couple years because I'm a bean bag lady. It is the same Simple as that. It can't be. They're the same material and color.
You have to refresh your beans every couple years
because I'm a bean bag lady.
It is the same hue, yeah.
You got to order new beans.
You can fluff that right up.
You're a bean bag lady?
I didn't know that.
Is it still fluffed or is it fine?
Maybe it got crunched on the move a little
and your beans got squished.
How often do you sit in it a lot?
Yes.
Is it emptier or is it equally full and just smaller
or is it emptier?
It's just smaller.
Have you gotten a couch yet?
I have a futon.
I think a living room of nothing but beanbags would rule.
That would be awesome.
It would cover the entire floor.
There's a trend.
Every time we'd have sleepovers, you'd get naked and curl up on a beanbag.
You'd ask somebody to come downstairs.
They'd see you naked on the beanbag.
It's called trilobiting
because you look
like a little fossil.
Yeah, okay.
Is it a current trend
or something you used to do?
I used to do it.
My boy Josh Varner
was the best trilobite.
Wow, what made him so good?
He got himself
into a spiral really nice.
Oh, he could just curl?
Yeah.
That's dope.
Dogs are good at that.
Your boy John?
His whole mood changed
the second you hid
from that person.
Yeah. His mood changed. I you hid from that person. Yeah.
There was a vibe shift.
I mean, yeah.
I was scared.
I just can't get over the way you hid.
The way you hid was so funny.
I didn't know how to hide.
It's hard to hide in that outfit.
You're wearing the brightest.
Yeah.
I should have popped behind the chair.
What did you do?
I just turned around.
He went like this.
He literally went like this.
I got lower.
Yeah, he got nice and low.
Yeah, that's exactly what he did.
Or he used someone else to eclipse him.
Was it like, were you eclipsed by
Owen, maybe? Were they looking at you?
No. No, they didn't see you. We're moving fast.
It was beaming. Interesting.
Oh, it could have been a KB eclipse.
So what are you going to do with
the beanbag? It could be anybody.
You fuck a ton of our co-workers
most of them
way too many but
it's a problem
no I wouldn't
oh man
I like how it makes
Zod dance
Zod doesn't
can't help it
your dancing is the music.
So it's the way.
It's contagious.
I do feel my shoulders start to move when I see it.
Like when your foot taps when you hear a song,
you don't realize it.
It does make you wiggle your shoulders a little.
That was a good one.
I kind of want the black community to give me feedback on that.
Okay.
Joe, let's tweet out.
At black community. Does anyone know any black people? Give me feedback on that. Okay. Joe, let's tweet out. At Black Immunity.
Does anyone know any Black people?
I want to see if I would get flamed or not.
No.
You want me to call Cleave?
You definitely would be getting flamed.
Cleave doesn't count.
Why?
He would lie to me.
Make it sound good.
He would.
Why do you crave that?
You want to go to lunch?
I would, for sure.
Let's do it.
Boy, Mike's coming in.
Empanadas?
I'll just go right there
on that cube.
Which?
Have that shampoo?
All right.
I'm going to douche with that
when I get home.
Your pussy would be
fucking delicious.
I want to just drink ciders in here with you guys.
A cider sounds phenomenal.
What's your favorite down east?
It's Austin East Cider.
That's what I meant.
It's fantastic.
Blood orange.
It is so good.
I just wish I had that relationship.
Kyle?
I love blood orange.
Want to show them the dancing?
Fuck.
What are the odds of that happening at Barstool?
One in 412?
Do we have any ciders in the building?
I just wish I had a big-ass relationship with Spider.
Yeah.
Where I could whistle.
You put out a...
A bounding.
I can text someone from my team,
see if I can put it together.
Is that her, KB?
Who you're hiding from?
Nah, she's a fan.
You don't even talk to her, bro.
You don't know Spanish.
You want sliders?
Oh my god, Rudy.
A lot of L's today for Rudy.
Nah, dude, I'm just not an aerial person.
You're land bound.
He is.
Yeah.
Areola person, though. Big time. I get it. Huge areola. I've seen bound. He is. Yeah. Areola person though.
Big time.
I get it.
Huge areola.
I've seen him suck one off a tit.
I met a girl the other day that was named Areola and it stopped me.
You didn't.
No, you did not.
It stopped me dead in my tracks.
Last name?
I knew a guy last name Areola.
Maybe last.
Her first name was Areola.
Oh, it wasn't.
No, it ain't.
Rudy, this is going to sting.
She was messing with you
No
Well I hope so
I was
I was stunned
You gotta demand ID
From abroad like that
Yeah
Yeah
Let me see your
Yeah let me see your passport
Hmm
I had a dude in college
Named Aristophanes
And I demanded ID
And sure enough
Dude he was named Aristophanes
What did he go by
Aristophanes
What
No
It was He showed his student ID.
Yeah.
He was in a frat.
I think I would go Stoff.
I'd go Aaron.
I would just go...
Stoff more Sloan.
I would just go Knees.
Knees?
Yeah.
Knees.
Yeah, that's my boy Knees over there.
Knees is dope.
Kneesy.
Yeah.
That'd be good.
No, maybe not.
Ari.
I knew an Ari
an Ari in Barstow Island
what
it was Ali
you went along
with everybody so well
about your roots Clemmer
give us some of the inside dirt on those
motherfuckers anybody you absolutely hated
just Ari
no um
the only person I didn't really talk to a ton I guess maybe was like Danny motherfuckers. Anybody you absolutely hated? Just Ari. No.
No one I hated.
The only person I didn't really talk to a ton,
I guess maybe it was Danny,
but just because we didn't,
I was only there for two days
because you guys threw me out.
Oh, we did?
Yeah, my God.
You guys fired me,
so it would have been sooner.
It was unanimous.
Chris was always like
fourth or fifth
on every best of three.
Well, you didn't help yourself.
That's what I've been told
by a lot of people. You've had so many good ideas,
all these incredible ideas.
You've done all of these things
and you have experience
and then you just pitched the poop game.
You could have told us about your tattoo
and then poop hold'em.
Yeah, Quantum Week and poop hold'em
must have been a tough which button to press.
Which do I do?
The one that has 200 episodes?
Inventive, successful idea
or the impossible one.
Explain for 10 minutes.
I have a lot of
good ideas, I think,
but then I always
manage to fuck it up
a little bit.
Also, I liked Poop Hold'em.
I like Poop Hold'em.
He likes poker.
He's a poker guy.
Dude, that whole
poker drama has
fucked up my
Twitter algorithm
so bad, dude.
It's nothing but
poker all the time.
I don't want to see it.
Yeah, I think that's what happens when
if you like anything out of your normal genre.
Real Housewives.
If I like a couple movies tweets,
then it'll just be movies and shit like that.
It sucks, though, for you.
I apologize.
Seven Samurai has to be fucking sweet, though.
That was ass.
Is it actually?
Yeah.
Damn.
100 out of 100 on MovieRankings.net.
How come all files love it so much?
Files do.
Why are they so obsessed with it?
Because it's an old movie.
Yeah, pretty much it.
That's it.
You like Seven Samurais?
I haven't seen it since high school.
This movie's shitty.
It's perfect.
I barely remember it.
I need to watch it again.
I love it.
Did you like it then, or did it suck then?
It was okay then.
No one's ever watched that movie and then watched The Dark Knight and been like, okay,
this one wasn't great. Kyle,
you were just tweeted at by a black guy.
Colin, your dance is valid.
Yay!
Colin Watson. Oh, he's got it blocked.
Let's go. Good job, Kyle.
Let me see. Yay!
Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee.
Like by a black guy.
Oh, yeah.
Let's go.
Well, it could be the white guy in the picture.
Oh.
It probably is.
Oh, no.
His name is Colin?
Yeah.
I mean, most Colins are, but there was that wide receiver from Texas, Colin Johnson.
Wait.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No. It's the white guy? Oh, no. No.
It's the white guy.
Oh, fuck.
You got to say that wee-wee-wee in back there.
Why would he tweet at us?
It's digital blackface.
Hold on.
Ew, ew, ew.
Maybe not.
He'll be wrong.
I'm looking to validate.
Well, I'm trying to validate him.
He is, he is.
Colin, that's...
It is. What are the odds
that the guy...
It is him.
Upset of the century that his name
is Colin. Is that Christopher Columbus in this thing?
That's whack, bro.
You're
grooving, dude.
That's got to feel pretty good, man.
Colin, can you tell me that on camera?
Tweet the video out.
Colin?
You in the tri-state area?
We'll come to you.
We'll tube to you.
Colin, I need you to tweet a video.
Downriver from us?
Would it ruin it if he's British?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The dude who just walked by is.
Oh, no.
Is that expressions?
No.
Jesus Christ.
You got a good look at them, too.
No, I didn't.
I don't even know what they look like.
Hey.
It's Christ.
Are you kidding?
Ah, bro.
Are you kidding?
Oh.
Ah, stone.
Blessed at, fam. Ah, stop. Less of that, fam.
Jesus Christ.
I'd like sass.
All right, all right, all right.
All right, boys.
All right, all right, all right.
Let's call it for real.
Let's see if Colin's going to hang out, though.
Yeah, Colin could be on the line pretty quick here.
If it's true, that's a holy grail for a white guy
to get that kind of approval.
Seek that your whole life.
Rudy, I'm always intimidated
talking to you
because you're a lot cooler.
That sitting position helps.
Yeah, this is good.
Yeah, I'm in fucking Zen mode now.
Oh, shit.
You're in game mode right now?
Down on our playing field?
Third eye's just looking
at dude dick.
I'm on the astral plane right now looking at penis.
We should be on a tapestry right now.
The pussy on my shirt is a diversion.
It is.
Oh, look at that pussy.
There he goes.
Welcome to the fugue state.
I wore a cat shirt to Pride, Rudy. There he goes. Welcome to the fugue state.
I wore a cat shirt to pride Rudy.
Some more thoughts.
Yeah.
Just to show that you like pussy.
I sit across from him, and he looks so comfortable and cool all the time,
and I'm so uncomfortable, and I don't really know what I'm doing,
and I'm new, and it's intimidating to an extent.
He's a threat.
It's a constant reminder that I'm not comfortable.
Yep, that's what he is. And it does not get better. No, it doesn't. I've got to look forward to it. He's a constant reminder that I'm not comfortable. That's what he is.
And it does not get better.
No, it doesn't.
He's calm. How can we calm you down?
Yeah, you'll get there. Maybe the Calm app?
Maybe BetterHelp?
Use the Calm app.
Ciders?
Hit a cider and a meditation every morning.
Cool as a cucumber.
Maybe mix in some kratom, too.
All right.
Yeah.
Won't hurt.
I was listening to a podcast yesterday, and one of the dudes said that he took 10 vials of kratom.
Anything that comes in a vial should not be legal.
People always warn me, like, dude, it ruined my life.
The withdrawals are terrible.
I'm like, I'm not doing a lot.
Ooh, TJ, this one looks clean with the black background.
Wow.
This looks like a portrait or something.
Rudy, say something cool.
Talk about your dick rot.
Live fast, die young.
Say some Carl Sagan shit.
The universe is ever expanding,
and the craziest thing about the universe
is that it's moving faster and faster every single year.
Damn, that was kind of sweet.
Wow. That was kind of sweet. Wow.
That was kind of fucking dope, dude.
Now look at yourself.
Yeah.
You got KB'd.
I did get KB'd right there.
You got KB'd badly, dude.
I wish I could move like that, dude.
To be liquid.
Dude, we got to go
to a cider factory.
Okay.
Like how KFC's always
at the Whistlepig factory or whatever.
They're there right now. It looks like a
fucking blast. They're there right now.
Can we see a ball? Yeah. That sounds great. I'll do it.
Is there a real angry orchard we could go to?
Is there an angry orchard?
You don't want to go there.
The Whomping Willow? That's where it is.
One mile from here, there's
Original Sin Heart. No free ads. It's like a spider is. One mile from here, there's Original Sin Hard... No free ads.
There's a cider...
It's like a spider place.
A mile from here?
One mile, exactly.
What direction?
South.
What the fuck?
South.
So it's in Manhattan?
It's right near Washington Square Park.
So it's close.
A slider bar?
Wow.
I guess so.
A bar that serves only ciders and sliders.
Dude, that would be a fucking sweet bar.
I'd like that a lot, actually.
Yeah, you love sliders.
Yeah, because they're small.
You don't have a huge portion.
You can eat them.
There's a bunch of them, though.
But it's always tough.
I wish there was just like a buffet of sliders
so you could have as many as you want
because they're still kind of putting you
to a burger portion amount of meat
if you get sliders.
You'll get three of them.
It's like the same as a burger.
The fays are intimidating for a skinny guy, though,
because there's no way you're going to eat all that.
Nobody eats at all.
I feel bad because I'm not eating enough to justify the expense.
That's why you've got to go to CC's Pizza Buffet
because it's a reasonable price and it doesn't matter how much you eat.
And if you ask them to make a pizza with certain ingredients,
they'll be like, well, what do you want to call it?
And they'll yell it out whenever they're done.
I always made boy with a crooked spine with olives and banana peppers.
Ew.
You're twisted.
That's disgusting.
Your parents supported you too much.
Yeah, they did.
They do.
God damn, they do.
They still do.
They definitely did.
They said you really could be whatever you wanted, and you chose this?
Yeah.
If we open one, can we call it Geno's?
Yes.
For Geno's cider?
Yes.
Whoa.
That'd be neat
Your boy Gino could come through
Yeah
Open it across from Pat
He's not
He's not even
He's not eating carbs
Really?
His body's incredible
Yeah he
Your boys are all jacks
Stinky Tony
Jack
Gino
Jacked
Yeah
Nico
Good musician
He's a six pack
Is he actually?
Has he always had
Is it like a Clemmer type of thing?
Always
Oh
Do not have a six pack You don't? Oh What's he always had it? Is it like a Clemmer type of thing? Always. Oh.
I do not have a six pack.
You don't?
Oh.
What's your tummy look like?
No, it's just sort of like a sass. Better than sasses?
Probably not.
You've got a better tummy.
Probably.
Oh, I've got to be you.
You're a young guy.
Oh, no.
No.
You've got a big old belly.
Let's see under the hood.
Did you pop that thing?
We're not getting close to us.
You have a six pack. I have a six pack
She has a six pack
Literally has abs
Washboard
And that was sitting down
It was disrespectful to me
I know
You had the angle
Where your stomach
Would be the fattest
And I saw every one of your
That's why it probably
Didn't look as horrible
As it would if I was standing up
No
Shut up dude
That you have obliques
Sitting down
It would look better standing up The opposite applies You're, dude. That you have over sitting down would look better standing.
The opposite applies
if you're really skinny, though.
You know what I'm saying?
Can we objectify you real quick?
Let's stand you up.
How do you do with sun?
Sun?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I was in the sun
on Wednesday all day.
Oh, yeah.
I don't really burn.
I don't really tan.
I just kind of exist.
I just wonder what those
fucking abs would look like.
KB, what did you think of them
as our resident? Those are eating a very nice core. No, wonder what those fucking abs would look like. KB, what did you think of them as our resident
hard body? Very nice core.
No, it's not. It's incredibly skinny
and sad. Which is good.
You look like a crackhead who
coughed their way into a six-pack.
You know how some crackheads just cough so much?
God damn.
That's a better description than saying
you're a six-pack. We need that
preface first.
You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
I'm just busting your butt.
I'm sorry.
I'm easy to make fun of.
I'll cry later.
I look like you're looking straight on to the face of an eagle.
I'll be.
Terrible.
That was gracious.
Just destroy yourself. It's terrible I just hit his foot Goodness gracious I was done I'm back there
Just destroy yourself
We gotta roast each other more
Like pure roast jokes too
I have thin skin
Won't handle it well
And fans are like
You're mean
People will be like
You're mean
No
We should do that
Fans will be like
Everything that we're saying
With 100
They'll be like
They meant that.
They fucking hate each other.
Oh, he fucking hates Sass.
He fucking hates Clemmer.
And I deeply respect Clemmer.
He used a little bit more roasting in my life.
I feel like this would be a pretty lethal roast crew.
It would just be Rome would be so much better.
Yeah, Rome would be better.
Well, actually, Sass, you kind of were on the receiving end of a roast from Gillis.
I prefer not to look back on that time of my life.
It was psychological.
No, no, no, Gillis meant it.
Yeah, that was a full day.
That was the best roast, though, true roast.
KB, I know, can roast.
I've seen his writing style.
I've seen him flame.
You've roasted Patrick Tillman and Russ Patel.
Yeah, I enjoy roasts
You roast for sport
We've actually been trying out something new
Brim snatching
What is this?
It's brim snatching
At first we were talking about it
Because I was worried that I was going to get brim snatched
Because I wore my big brim out
What is brim snatch?
I'm on your side
It's when you snatch someone's self-explanatory.
You take the whole hat?
What do you mean?
Or you yank them forward.
Oh, you take the hat off.
It's a hat grab, yeah.
What do you do with the hat once you have it?
What?
What do you do with the hat once you have it?
You just run around and go,
That's up to the snatcher.
You could destroy it.
I think a good flick of the wrist is just disrespectful.
Just snatch it. Or just waving it in front of their good flick of the wrist is just disrespectful. Just snatch it.
Or just waving it
in front of their face.
We were crew dissing
and brim snatching.
You were not crew dissing.
We were crew dissing.
You were with a crew.
No, we were crew dissing
and we were brim snatching.
And we were trying
to get you out
and you wouldn't come out.
You all rogue crew dissing?
People were saying
has KB lost his fastball
and he's not doing this anymore?
Were you out last night?
Were you out
with a group of 15?
Me?
Yeah.
No.
There was like a group
of 15 men from Barstool that went out to get us.
Oh, I was there for 15.
You were part of the group of 15 men.
Oh, I got there at like 11, then I left right away.
So you were part of the 15?
For some reason, everyone from work goes out.
They have to go to the worst bar in the entire maybe world.
Because they want to go 15.
No, we're not doing that.
Yeah, we are.
It's a fine establishment.
Sucks. Great's a fine establishment. Sucks.
Great staff.
Fine establishment.
Treat us very well.
Wasn't invited, by the way.
Was not.
Dude, that guy Andrew was sending out the invites.
Yeah, you're right.
He'd have a good crew, though.
Who was it?
How many of the 15 can you list of the 15 married men?
I can name them all.
Snapchat Steve was there. Shut up. Joey was definitely there How many of the 15 can you list of the 15 Merry Men? I can name them all. Snapchat Steve was
there. Shut up. Joey was
definitely there then. Joey wasn't. He was
across the street.
Greer, Quig, Spider,
Tommy. I saw a little bit of
Buddha Ben in that photo.
We were there for Buddha Ben.
Guilty. It was a Buddha Ben
Returns party. That's right. It was a Buddha Ben returns party.
That's right.
Owen was there.
Fowler.
Fowler was there.
Saw him.
Yeah, there were some old characters as well.
Fowler was there.
Musky was there.
Tall.
Seth was there.
Seth was there.
Reese.
And a Marbles.
How's Seth styling his coif these days?
I couldn't even tell if he was a person, really.
More of just a voice.
TJ rolled up with Mooj, which was weird.
Yeah, TJ was there with Mooj.
That's not cool.
No.
Yeah, they set up a PlayStation and started playing Valorant.
Can't play Valorant on PlayStation?
Bad joke?
Wait, also...
Isn't Mujiz's claim to fame
that he, like, ghost wrote Call Her Daddy
and wasn't it all dick-sucking techniques?
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
He came up with the Gluck Gluck 9000.
Yeah.
Just got a DM.
My black girlfriend,
as seen in my profile picture,
said the dance was incredibly impressive.
Check.
That can't be right.
Realistically, she would have said it was like fly as fuck or something like that.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you understand the vernacular, she would have.
She would have.
He's an expert.
It was really nice of you to point out.
Your face is getting red, though, which I enjoy.
It's turning up purple on camera.
I can't wait to get on Twitter, and it's going to say,
fact-checkers say that KB's dance was valid.
Yeah.
That's what the first dude said.
That's what Colin said.
Yeah.
Wee-wee-wee.
Just a wee-wee-wee.
That fact-checker thing on Twitter is so funny.
The other day, they had one.
This dude posted the photo of the Mediterranean Sea over the U.S.
And it's like if you have a brain stem, you can tell that it's a joke.
And he's like, this is what's going to happen with climate change.
And it's literally just like it turned Nebraska into Italy.
That was dope.
And then like two days later, they had like a Twitter full thing on the Explore page that said,
fact checkers say the Mediterranean Ocean over the United States is not correct.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Like, thanks, guys.
Appreciate that. Fucking. We should have Italy and is not correct. Yeah. Oh, God. Thanks, guys. Appreciate that.
Fucking.
We should have Italy and Nebraska, though.
That would be pretty nice.
One is significantly better than the other, and it's not Nebraska.
Yeah, and you wouldn't have had to go so far.
Yeah, it would have been dope if we just had Italy right in the middle of the United States.
Though I did see a video of northern Michigan recently, and it looked fucking incredible, dude.
In what sense? Like a flight
over Northern Michigan
and the water
looked like Aruba
and every house
was a mansion
along the shoreline.
The biggest,
most beautiful mansions
I've ever seen.
Oh, damn.
It must be just
some kind of sneaky
fucking secret
that Northern Michigan rocks, dude.
I don't know.
The upper peninsula
or like Northern Michigan?
I don't know.
I don't think
they want us to know.
It's pretty.
You sure the video
wasn't a joke?
No, it definitely wasn't a joke. Sometimes people post pictures of really nice places. I don't know. I don't think they want us to know. It's pretty. Sure, the video wasn't a joke. No, it definitely wasn't a joke.
Sometimes you'll post, like,
pictures of really nice places.
I know.
They got some blue-ass water.
I know that joke.
No, you don't really, like,
know the internet.
I heard nothing.
I'm not the one who said
Valorant could be played
on a fucking PlayStation, bro.
I didn't say that either.
Rudy hasn't spoken since then.
And good.
That was bad.
Exervingly so.
Way better models.
You guys know the toothbrush was invented in 2004?
Wow.
Look at this shit, bro.
That looks awesome.
Summertime in northern Michigan.
Does that seem like a fake video to you, Sash?
It does not.
Okay, so.
Like glass, that water.
Look at that beautiful-ass water.
That's like Michigan.
We've been there, Kyle.
Nearby.
Why does it look so fucking beautiful?
Yeah, wow.
How much does that one cost
50 million i would tube i would tube there look at that shit's on nantucket for me that shit is
super valid and then there's like all these new plots that are about to get built right by the
golf course yeah my god right at the base there's going to be these new plots and with uh global
warming there's going to be more beach probably.
I love that.
Yeah, that's upsetting that Michigan is that nice.
It's fucking sweet.
I don't like that.
That's basically Italy and Nebraska.
Michigan being like that, that has accomplished what...
And Michigan wine is so good.
Grand Rapids beer.
And the pizza over in Michigan.
The Michigan wine and pizza.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Northern Michigan.
All right, should we now?
Let's fucking, yeah.
Let's leave.
Big leave.
We can leave now.
It's 40 minutes after I originally said to leave.
Let's go.
All right, let's go.
Yeah.
All right, bye.
Thanks, guys.
Bye-bye. Thank you. 4,300 subs away from 100K.
Do it.