The Yak - Klemmer's New Purple Hat Series is a Smash Hit | The Yak 6-3-24

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. Welcome to the Yak. You can't take Mook's legs. You've taken everything else. You can complain about everything, but it's his legs, man. Let him have his legs. Let him have his legs.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Give him his legs. The man has nothing. Let me have his ham hock. He has literally nothing. They've taken his pride, his confidence, his heart and soul, and now they're coming for your legs, dude. Let me have his ham hot. He has literally nothing. They've taken his pride, his confidence, his heart and soul, and now they're coming for your legs. Let me keep my fucking legs. There we go. Oh, God. Never mind.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Yeah, I get it. Speaking of legs, rowback.com. I'm wearing rowback joggers right now. So is Titus. The most comfortable joggers in the world. If you're someone who doesn't like to show their legs, like myself, Titus has good legs. He'll show them later this week if you guys are on your best behavior rowback.com promo code yak 20 off your first purchase q-zips polos hoodies joggers shorts rowback.com so mook they're going after your
Starting point is 00:01:14 legs they're going after my legs someone said they don't want to see my little uh ginger hole apparently my hole was out uh during one of the clips well that your wait your hole your hole in your legs are different i don't want to see your hole. Yeah, no. Wait a minute. We were just on your side, and now you said... You're talking about your dick hole?
Starting point is 00:01:29 Yeah, like they were up in here. I saw your booty butthole. Mook is incredible at this, where it's like he could say something, and I'm like, you know what? People are being, you know, mean to you, and then he continues his sentence. I'm like, wait, no.
Starting point is 00:01:41 They're right. They're right. Yeah, they're correct. I don't want to see your fucking hole. No, legs are very uh unpleasant so i understand they're just bright but so are mine but i but you talk i listen to the comments yeah the thing is people don't realize that uh our listeners who are great our fans the yak fans are actually the most attractive people in the world oh yeah i knew that all of them are tens i saw one nine and i told him they couldn't listen anymore it's like hank when he beats himself up about golf
Starting point is 00:02:10 he's like all the comments i'm like dude everyone sucks at golf yeah yeah unless like ricky fowler is commenting people would be pissed if he's good right fuck up oh wow hank's taking a vacation yeah he's too good at golf. Yeah. He'll never be too good at anything. What are your thoughts on being called a tryhard? There's this one guy in the comments who calls me a tryhard all the time. Oh, really? I think that's kind of a compliment.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Wait, you're trying? This is my job. You're trying right now? Yeah. It depends on the setting. Wouldn't call my doctor one. No. Or my barber.
Starting point is 00:02:44 Oh, I might call my barber one. Barbers can try too hard. Get off my fucking forehead. Yeah, bitch. Don't shave my forehead. Get off my fucking forehead. Yeah, how did that become an insult? The try hard.
Starting point is 00:02:57 Yeah, what a try hard. Yeah, thank you. Well, I think it's like an elementary school thing. Like, the try hard did suck then. That's true. Try hards do suck, but I'm just trying to, like... Did you try hard this morning on Mostly Sports? No.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Connor Griffin did. Okay. But, like, you... Did I actually try hard, or was I a try-hard? Did you actually try hard? Yeah, I tried hard. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I tried hard.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Right, you care about your job. Yeah. Sometimes I'll pre-write but i don't want soliloquy and try to make it come across as off the top but that's trying too hard but is it no i don't think so those are always very funny and that's our job oh yeah start like that i'll keep doing it you start doing like a random rap from like 1995 i i guess yeah that's a compliment yeah i'm gonna take the criticism to heart and stop trying. Every time the camera's off me on this show, I'm on Wikipedia looking up shit. You too?
Starting point is 00:03:47 Oh, yeah. I'm always Googling. We should do an entire week of not trying at all and see what people think. Try nothing. I think there's already a show that does that. I think that's already a niche. What is that geometric sandwich? This?
Starting point is 00:04:03 What are you giving them? Our boy Kevin, Yak fan, sent us in all custom coasters. Oh. Oh, that's not a sandwich. No. Oh, yeah. But I wish it was. I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:13 But this one says Piper Jones. Oh. Kevin. Which Kevin is this? It might be Kevin. From Oregon? I think it's Portland Kevin. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:23 He's the best. We got the paws. Oh, nice. I miss Zah. He's coming back soon, I think. Tit Portland, Kevin. Oh, yeah. He's the best. We got the Paw-Zaw. Oh, nice. I miss Zaw. He's coming back soon, I think. Titus, is this your dog? That's my dog. How does he know?
Starting point is 00:04:30 How does he know? Is this accessible for him? Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Holy shit. He's very famous. The most ball-known dog out there.
Starting point is 00:04:38 We got Cool Brandon with Mississippi State Bulldog. This is very nice. Oh, my God. I think that's for Connor. This one's for Connor Griffin. Yeah. I love Olivia Rodrigo. Got one for everybody.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Hot-ass TJ before he gained.5 pounds back. He did. Gross. You can see it all. Yeah. Oh, that's me. Nice. Love it.
Starting point is 00:05:02 This is pretty cool. Kate, I'll pretend like I got her this for her birthday. Wait, does every single one say you're my favorite member of the app? I believe so. That's what mine says. That's a really nice touch. Oh, what? That's a really nice touch.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Evan's actually told me that, though. You're going to be jealous of mine, though. Oh, what is that? Simon Birch. That's Simon Birch. Simon Birch. And we got one of just a really realistic photo of Mook. Wait, does Mook say that too?
Starting point is 00:05:26 Wait. No, it says you're a member of the Yak. Oh! It actually does! Oh, my God! He's a man. Look at me! Oh, no!
Starting point is 00:05:36 You're a member? Yeah, and you should be proud of that. I'm actually happy. I'm actually fine with that. Wait, is Don, Brandon, yeah, all you're my favorite member of the Yak? No way. And it says you're, Brandon, yeah, you're my favorite member of the app. No way. And it says you're a member of the app. You're a member of the app.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Way to go, Kevin. Kevin. Good shit, Kevin. Oh, that's incredible. I played Kevin. Well played. Wait, Zod's back. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:05:57 Oh, back, Zod. Zod, were you not going to say anything when I said I missed you? No, I waved. That was on. Oh. I waved. Oh, I thought you were fucking with everyone. I thought the TV was.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Oh, I didn't see him. Zah, that must have been a great moment where I was just like, I expressed my deep feelings of missing you and you were just there. Yeah, my legs tingled a little bit. Shit. My legs tingled a little bit. We should have kept on going with it. Yeah, I thought you were playing for the show.
Starting point is 00:06:19 No, I didn't. I didn't realize he was back. I miss Zah. Zah, what's up? How you doing, guys? Good? I didn't see him, I'm going to be honest. Hey, Zah.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Tell us everything. Oh, God. It's a lot How you doing, guys? I didn't see him, I'm going to be honest. Hey, Zah. Tell us everything. Oh, God, it's a lot. It was good, man. Good to see the family. Was back home for, what, two or something weeks. And it was awesome, man. It was good. Was it predictable and familiar, or did anything shock you?
Starting point is 00:06:38 Nah, man. Well, the more things change, the more things stay the same. So there are changes, but the core is the same. That doesn't make sense? It doesn't make a lick of sense. The more things change, the more they stay the same? Yep. I think that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Then they don't change. That's like... It's a paradox. I would say things stay the same more if they stay the same. Yeah. A guy like me. Yeah, but the world has changed. It's always ever changed.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Here's a good example. The world has changed a lot's always ever changed. Here's a good example. The world has changed a lot in the last however many years. But then we had the Oilers fan and it was like boobies. Boobies. So like the world has changed. Us white guys don't really get a lot of say anymore. But then we see boobies and we're like, yeah. Boobs stay the same.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Yeah. That's us. So if the saying is the more things change, the more boobs stay the same. Then yeah. The love of boobs. Yeah. The appreciation. No matter what tech comes out, I'm going to love me a set.
Starting point is 00:07:35 I also was saying on PMT, but I think you guys probably agree with this. There's something very different. Like the internet is an incredible place. You can find porn. You can find any kind of fetish, all this stuff. But there's something just so different about the natural is an incredible place you can find porn you can find any kind of fetish all this stuff but there's something just so different about the natural in the wild yeah it's like when a bar plays a song in your saved library yeah yeah yeah you won't necessarily play it yourself but if someone else plays it yeah it's hard yeah but it's dress it's just something
Starting point is 00:08:04 special because if you wanted to see titties You could do that all day You could google boobs It's where you see titties that you don't expect Unexpected titties And Stephen Che we found out Is not a tit guy or gay Because he had not seen them until
Starting point is 00:08:19 Like five minutes ago On Jake Malasek's computer And you didn't What were they doing on Malasek's computer. And you didn't. What were they doing on Malasek? Wait, what? Yeah, how did they get there? The screen set. He got hacked?
Starting point is 00:08:28 No, he did that. That's ultimate projecting. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, he basically, he wrote it down before he came to work today. He's like, all right, now I have something to talk about with the fellas. You guys see these tits? They're fucking amazing and suckable. He's sitting front row in the gambling cave.
Starting point is 00:08:42 What I would like to do to put my hot dog between those two. With my cock on her nipple, she'd be screaming. All right, Malasek. Yeah, Jake. All right, Jake. Can we quote card Jake Malasek with that? I'd love to put my penis hole directly on her nipple. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Penis hole. Yeah. It's like a battery. on her nipple. Oh my God. She... My penis. Yeah. It's like a battery. Just get her going. Treat her areola like a rotary phone. But yes, Steven did not see them which is almost impossible.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Your algorithm. You must... He's not a tick guy. I wasn't on Twitter much last night. I was moving this weekend. We got internet set guy. I wasn't on Twitter much last night. I was moving this weekend. We got internet set up. The only thing I looked at last night was WNBA scores.
Starting point is 00:09:29 You can't. Oh. Oh. Oh, heavens. For the ladies. It's worse than I thought. Jesus. Diana Taurasi putting up 31.
Starting point is 00:09:37 You know what, though, Steven? You are the type of WNBA fan I appreciate. You don't even care about the other stuff that every Caitlin Clark games becomes a political discourse games becomes a uh political discourse you're just there for the for the hoops i'm there for the stats man yeah right i i used your stats i used your take in an uber this weekend i had a driver that was like kind of baiting me into being like what's going on with caitlin clark and i was like there's just a bunch of new fans here now it's exhausting they don't know ball they're ruining the sport i love and when i say i love i mean i would bet on it in the summer and not watch yeah but they're ruining that they're just coming in with all this extra shit yeah it's a lot just basketball are people trying to act like it's
Starting point is 00:10:14 anything more confusing than bitches being jealous and no i mean they are they're jealous as fuck that's just what it is it's fine yeah it is yeah And that happens In pretty much every sport Yeah it happens With men too Yeah Yeah Jealous Jealous Jealous as fuck We got off tits
Starting point is 00:10:31 Oh yeah we did Shit Let's get back Was she bare chested Under a hockey sweater Uncomfortable if so Can we pull that up Stephanie
Starting point is 00:10:39 TJ's out We can do whatever we want Stephanie got a coaster too Right Oh yeah Just a very professional TJ's out we can do whatever we want Stephanie got a coaster too right? oh yeah just a very professional headshot of Stephanie you got a coaster of your LinkedIn profile but she is one of his favorite members
Starting point is 00:10:58 oh nice Stephanie one of the favorite members I'm just happy to be here I can't believe you made it just an alternate one. Oh, that's so perfect, though. Yeah. So perfect. It's good to be back.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Steven, how was the move? Not the best, but we're in. Yeah, I guess. Where did you go wrong? That's a bad question. No one's ever been, like, awesome move. Yeah, no, it was one of the worst days, but we're over it. We're on to Monday.
Starting point is 00:11:24 You're rubbing your shoulder. you're baiting us. What did you fuck up? They, like, I don't know, estimated wrong. They had to make several trips, so it was not the best. One of the worst days. It was, yeah. I was actually very frustrated on Friday. Whoa, show us frustrated.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Show you? Yeah. All right. Did you ball your fist and say, why I oughta? Oh, man. Wow. Yeah, I don't want to be on the receiving end of that. They must have been shaking in their boots.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Oh, no. They were shaking in their boots. He was doing this. They probably called the manager on themselves when they saw that face. Oh, we're in deep shit, aren't we, boys? Show it to us again. Frustrated.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Oh, fuck, dude. Were you verbal at all or just facial? Yeah, no, I was verbal. Yeah, it wasn't great. What, did you yell? I talked very sternly. Oh, show a a stern talk this is like a new kink what did you say oh yeah um you guys were here yesterday why do we need a second did you not check the inventory yeah man sorry wow yeah man moving's hard maybe you should just do it yourself yeah no and i helped a I helped a lot, too, which sucked.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Oh, no, you helped. So that was the peak of your anger? Yeah, just frustration all around. I mean, moving's never, like, super smooth. They took longer than they said they were going to take? That's it? Substantially. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:57 By how many hours? The guy on the phone told me, like, two to three, and I was like, there's no point in shot. Yeah, that's always a lot. I remember moving, like, ten minutes away, not even. And, yeah, it was seven. Wait, so when you yelled at them like you just yelled at us, what did they say back? A lot of like, well, different crew and, you know, all this shit.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't the best, but we're here. We made it through. Got internet yesterday, so this shit. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't the best, but we're here. We made it through. Got internet yesterday, so feel good. Okay. But yeah, not a very online weekend for me. And I had to miss Pop Punk and Francis' show, which I was pretty bummed about. Pop Punk was awesome.
Starting point is 00:13:34 So fun. Yeah, I'm bummed I missed. Max killed. Max. Max killed. Max. Max. Max, come here.
Starting point is 00:13:41 How did you think Pop Punk went? You have the video of him that I tweeted of him drinking two sodas? It was so fun. Once in a lifetime experience that rocked. So cool. You could probably do it again. Nah, I think that was it. No, you'll definitely do it again.
Starting point is 00:13:58 So it's definitely not once in a lifetime. But in my current lifetime, that was a once in a lifetime. Was there a point where you were singing the wrong song? Someone said that. No. Okay. There was one point where I sang, so there was like two verses,
Starting point is 00:14:13 and I sang the same lyric for both verses. Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? No one knows. That was my only force. Well, the person next to me knew. Also, the guy, I told you Mount Joy rocks.
Starting point is 00:14:27 One of the members of Mount Joy hit me up this morning. He was like, I was listening to PMT. This is how you save your voice for the next time you do it. Nice. So now I'm getting tips. I'm getting tips from pros. What was the tip? He sent me some app about...
Starting point is 00:14:41 I don't know. It was some app about what to do before and after you sing wait he sent you an app instead of giving you to automatically download what did he do well I didn't do anything he just showed me what to do is this candy crush I didn't I to be I was like I don't know how often I'm going to be doing this but thank you for the tip you sang monkey wrench I did
Starting point is 00:14:59 did anybody mean online call you Dave Roll oh I hope not Dave Roll? Oh. I hope not. Dave Roll of the food fighters. That's really good. That's a damn shame. The food fighters were everywhere. That's a battle you lose if that was a fight.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Yeah, no, that's fine. No, I'm fighting against food. So it's like I'm being healthier against food. Yeah. I also told you we had a nice moment when you came off. I'm fighting against food. So it's like I'm being healthier against food. Yeah. Yeah. I also told you we had a nice moment when you came off. I was like, you've never looked more like Jason Kelsey in your life. I know.
Starting point is 00:15:35 That's the best compliment I've ever gotten from anyone in my entire life. Because you did. I know. And then you tagged him, and I looked to see if he liked the tweet. He didn't like it. He didn't? Maybe he didn't see it. Should I tag him again? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:15:41 Double tag. I'll send him. I'll send him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. This is what he does. Hey, bro, did you see this? I'll send him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. This is what he does.
Starting point is 00:15:45 He's like, hey, bro, did you see this? I should have never said this. I should have never said this. Stop. This could help you tremendously. I don't want you to do this. You're embarrassing me. Max, you were, like, super nervous, right?
Starting point is 00:15:56 Oh, yeah. Very nervous. Well, I'd never listened to the song before last week. Oh. Because PFT and I were talking about, about like what would be something funny that like i could do that would be like kind of a story and people say that i look like a fat dave girl often online so i was like oh i'll do a foo fighter song and he was like i want you to do this one i was like i've never heard this and i was like but i'm but i'm really monkey wrench no i'd never heard it
Starting point is 00:16:20 wow that's crazy yeah but i learned it, and it was good. You had energy. Yeah. Yeah, that's all it is. It was a lot of screaming. So what was the feeling after Triumphant? Oh, I'm still riding off of the hump. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Like, having the crowd just chant your name like that after you feel like you just crushed a performance was something that I'll... Like, I couldn't imagine feeling something. It probably does feel good. Look at him. Him doing the two sodas. He just looks like such a beast.
Starting point is 00:16:52 So many people asked if I planted that guy there to give me those two sodas. It was a very proud dad moment. I was like, that's my guy. He's so strong. Let's fucking go! Let's fucking go right now! Just got to play to the crowd Yeah
Starting point is 00:17:09 Yeah alright Alright thanks for having me Nice job I'll let you know what Jason says Stop it That'd be cool though If he said something He'd probably say something
Starting point is 00:17:19 Yeah just be like Hey can you just Gas up my boy Yeah the pop punk was awesome though Yeah I showed up after So don't say yeah like that No I'm jealous
Starting point is 00:17:30 And Roan's the coolest guy He's the best Were you there? I showed up after I had the short stops Extendo and The Wind My girlfriend's family plus
Starting point is 00:17:40 Was in Chicago Short So I'd entertain the parents Wait short stop Shorty's extended family Was in The Windy City Family Plus was in Chicago. Short. So I'd entertain the parents. Wait, shortstop. Shorty's extended family was in the Windy City. Try hard. You fucking try hard.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Yeah, yeah, I prepped that. Shortstop Extendo? Shortstop's Extendo was in the wind. In the gust. Does anybody call Chicago the gust? Me. I'm in. We're in? Yeah. I'm Chicago the gust? Me. I'm in. We're in?
Starting point is 00:18:07 Yeah. I'm to the gust. When's the last time you were in the gust? You did a show in the gust? That's sick. You didn't hit me up when you were in the gust? I didn't hit you. In the gust? Nobody knew you.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Shortstop's Extendo in the wind. Fuck. The 1 a.m. crowd is the best because you have no conversational expectations right everyone's in there get there they're like when'd you get here 10 minutes ago and they're like 10 minutes let's talk about that yeah it's it's easy yeah 10 minutes everyone's already drunk wasted just easy just uh or on amphetamines yeah yeah. That too, yeah. Easy combos. Good time. It was a good time.
Starting point is 00:18:47 They rock. They're like very, very good. I've been to shows. It's insane. It's better than a concert. It is a concert. Shows on weed is the best. It's better than like a band set because they play the best.
Starting point is 00:18:57 Yeah. And Steven missed it because he was yelling at movers. Screaming at them. So sad. Damn. That's brutal, dude. dude also mincy crowd surfed oh he went dick down again dick down to start yep he then texted pft after i think he texted pft and frankie and said that was incredible last night uh what a moment also the show was good too wait really which is a pretty funny text if he's joking but but no he's not he's on fire yeah yeah yeah he uh it was the slowest crowd
Starting point is 00:19:36 surf ever he was just like standing there i didn't think he was gonna do it it looked like he was like negotiating with the crowd yeah 10 minutes yeah i thought he was gonna get stuck in like the middle of the room yeah chucked him back though donnie crowd surf he did yeah wanton don when oh yeah uh the last song was all the small things this is pretty funny to me um so pft asked like some of the barstool people that were there to come on stage uh it was basically just me and donnie i think quiggs was up there with us. White Boy Rick ended up up there too. So they wanted us all on stage to sing with them for one last goodbye to everybody. So all the small things start. The most famous pop punk song of all time.
Starting point is 00:20:17 We're all singing. Donnie, after the first verse, kind of detaches himself from our little group and jumps into the crowd and is crowd surfing and all that it was it was an awesome moment and we're chanting for donnie and all this sort of thing after the show i i was like dude that was crazy like what came over you and he was like i just didn't know the words of the song he goes i was i was brought on stage to sing the song i didn't i knew he goes i knew the first words because it's all the small things uh-huh yeah that he's like and then i realized I don't really know the words. So I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to jump on the crowd.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Emergency crowd. I was like, that's why you're a legend, Donnie. He is. He had a way better crowd surf than Mincy. He was going all the way back to the bar. Oh, yeah. That's one of his more common forms of transport. He crowd surfs everywhere.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Donnie killed it. Can I ask a favor of the Yak listeners? of his more common forms of transport yeah he crowd surfs everywhere everywhere yeah donnie killed it can i ask a favor of uh the yak listeners stephanie i just sent it to you the captain of the year vote ends tonight oh could you it's you against will yeah could you pin that he's will's also been very sneaky about it he's he's like finding times that i'm not around to to post it i can i can tell Oh, you guys are promoting off. Yeah, but we're in a little bit of a weird promoting off. I would appreciate everyone vote for me just because I would like to have the power to not have another automatic buy happen. I think I'm in the running for defensive player of the year.
Starting point is 00:21:40 All right, so let's vote. A huge honor. Yeah, let's get Nick. Steven, are you up for anything? It's between me and Kyle. I do not want votes for most of the player. I don't want that. I want it, dude. You don't want votes for most of the player? What if this is what tears us apart?
Starting point is 00:21:51 Defensive trivia player. People can vote. I appreciate it. Yeah, we're in a dead heat. I'm up for rookie of the year and I don't want it. Let's get Portnoy the dub. No, stop! Oh wait, that's not a bad idea. I love Bossman. Don't pin it. It's gonna backfire. I knew it was gonna backfire. Never mind. No, no, no. Promise a bad idea. I love boss man. Yeah. All right, so don't pin it. It's going to backfire.
Starting point is 00:22:06 I knew it was going to backfire. Never mind, Stefan. No, no, no. Promise a case race if you win. I'll promise a case race. There we go. There we go. If I win Cab to the Year, we will do a case race within the next... Month.
Starting point is 00:22:17 Yes. Yes. Whoa. Whoa. Yes. Whoa. Within the next month. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Well, I'm going to vote for you right now. Yes. I will too. Yes. Within the next month Month Oh shit Well I'm gonna vote for you right now Yes Yeah I will too Yes Within the next month You know when we'll probably do it Is when the dozen is here Cause we're all gonna be here That's a great idea
Starting point is 00:22:34 We can tape it then And it also could give me prep for Beer Olympics Do we wanna try to reach out to Royal Rumble? Oh Yeah we'll have some people here Oh Dana will be here Yeah Okay
Starting point is 00:22:44 Vote for me captain of the year And we'll have some people here. Oh, Dana will be here? Yeah. Okay. Vote for me, Captain of the Year, and we'll get it done. There we go. We'll get it done. Yeah. Will's going to be pissed. But he'll also be in the case race. Saw the titties again. So he'll be...
Starting point is 00:22:56 Will has to be in the case race because I'm doing beer games. Yeah, he does. You're doing beer games at the Olympics. I guess they... I think Olympics maybe sued them because all the emails and stuff i've seen is just beer games not the case and if i don't win cap of the year i'm not we're not doing a case it's olympics trademarked yeah i guess oh we'll just change it to the beer nba finals but i figured olympics have been around long enough to where it's in the public domain. Yeah. All right, so this will be great.
Starting point is 00:23:27 So we'll do a case race. It'll happen within the next two weeks. We'll have one. It will be... If I win cap of the year, we'll have a case race air before we go on July 4th. Beautiful.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Who should the MVP should have been? Who should I vote? I don't know. I just want to win cap for all years. Eddie Dayton MVP should have been? Who should I vote? I don't know. I just want to win captain of the year. Eddie, Dana. Eddie's been incredible. Eddie's, like, fucking awesome. Yeah, but Dana's stupid.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Yeah. And I would love to see him win captain of the year. Most improved, Stephen Che. I'm going Dana. Che, why don't you want to win most improved? That implies that I wasn't good before. I've been putting up numbers for years. For years. For years. For years. that implies that I wasn't good before I haven't put up numbers for years for years
Starting point is 00:24:06 but when you finally got all moved in did you have like a nice beer or like a nice relax yeah we did a nice family movie night last night which was cool movie night? yeah nice
Starting point is 00:24:15 yeah it was cool do you like the house? has there been any moments like because moving in a house is a scary thing where you like get in there for the first time. You're like, oh, shit, I don't know if I like this. The new sounds when you're sleeping. No, it's been good so far.
Starting point is 00:24:32 OK, good. Yeah. When you're looking at the house, everything's great about everything. The second you you close on it, you just notice everything bad. You're like, oh, shit. It's not like you get a chance to sell it back. Yeah. Fantasy situation. All right. So everything's good, back. Yeah. It's a fantasy situation.
Starting point is 00:24:46 All right, so everything's good, Stephen. And did you get a grill or no? Not yet. Very soon. I was supposed to have word on something by Friday. Longest grill. I mean, how is... Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:01 One of my new neighbors works for Weber, so... Oh. You already met him? It's a woman, yes. Oh, shit. That's egg on my face. They have a woman working at a real place? The fuck?
Starting point is 00:25:15 Wait. That doesn't make sense. The Weber headquarters is in Paltown. Is there like a... Is she the secretary? Is there like an indoor grill that i don't know about like an oven yeah are you sure it's not an oven wait so did you meet you didn't meet her yet i did do you does she know you work for barstool uh i don't believe so okay why i don't know okay that could
Starting point is 00:25:43 always go 50 50 i did meet someone wearing a barstool shirt and uh the first thing that's brought up was miss beaches she's a star yeah she is she's the number one star yep i'm gonna be with dave on friday and saturday we're going to saratoga for some horse racing how's his mood been since he's just winning giant bets? I think pretty good. Potentially up how much? I would be happy. $7 million. That sounds pretty chill.
Starting point is 00:26:12 The more things change, man. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Goddamn. He just keeps winning. Yeah, I think it's happening at the right time for us because we're no longer owned by another company. So we're back to like if Dave is flush, we're all flush. That's right. Which is a good thing.
Starting point is 00:26:32 I need my contract to be up. Yeah. Yeah. This is the time. Yeah. It is funny because I've given that advice. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:26:40 Well, well, well. I've only resigned during like cold streaks with Dave. Birthday girl. it is my birthday birthday happy birthday we didn't forget we have something special for you Stephanie if you can show
Starting point is 00:26:57 Donnie is right now in the kitchen I've tasked him cream chip beef. Yeah. Yes. I sent him. I said, can you make Kate some cream chip beef for her birthday? And he just wrote back, ew.
Starting point is 00:27:15 No way. Are you serious? He's not having fun. Look at him. Yeah. So we're going to have some cream chip beef today. Great. My honest to God, I went on Chicago Food Reddit. I Googled. I called like 15 restaurants that used to have it cream chip beef today great my god i went on chicago food reddit i googled i called
Starting point is 00:27:26 like 15 restaurants that used to have it on their menu nobody here has it and i am like so hungry right now there we go you're all gonna have you're all gonna have some too oh yeah ah yeah donnie said he's like do you want me to make some for everyone i was like it could just be cake too yeah yeah it does look like a disgusting pussy. What do you eat it on? I don't even understand that part. I told them, I was like, should you get chips or something? No, like extra crispy toast or extra crispy hash browns is the move.
Starting point is 00:27:55 Okay. Hash browns sounds good. Ideally. So that's what you put it on. But oh my God. Sorry, thanks. Happy birthday. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Happy birthday, guys. Oh yeah, sorry I'm late. Anybody want some strong will? Dude, what is that? That's the stuff you put on your fingernails so next time you bite your nails, it tastes like shit. And it ruined my day. You guys bite nails. No, I just got it just out of curiosity.
Starting point is 00:28:18 It tastes like a Nintendo Switch cartridge. Yeah. The aftertaste is strong, too. I already did. It's like in my fucking mouth. So you could like rub that on the tip of your vape or something.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Yeah. Okay. It got on my vape and now I'm just vaping dog shit. Let's do something where somebody has to suck their finger.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Yeah. Did you wake up to like a breakfast or something like that yeah actually the beef made pancakes and then him and my four-year-old worked on a big there was a big poster when i came downstairs oh hell yeah let me sleep in which is nice hell yeah so yeah not that's not where i was i wasn't sleeping in it's your birthday whatever yeah and you and you're trying out a new style i was waiting for you guys to know oh nice all right yeah what are those dare i ask what is that what do we got there what
Starting point is 00:29:16 what is stand up what is that hi also i got this shirt at nascar i am a stella blue coffee lady till i die i didn't realize this was the folgers car that's okay so wait till i turn around okay Also, I got this shirt at NASCAR I am a Stella Blue Coffee lady Until I die I didn't realize this was the Folgers car So wait until I turn around So it's a parachute? Trash bag That's a fitted sheet That's a half of a tent
Starting point is 00:29:38 You have a tent Oh wow So that goes Oh wow, they've goes. Oh, wow. They've really changed. Four things. Oh, I finally did it. That's exactly it.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Holy shit. The more they change, the more they stay the same. Wow. Okay. Yeah, it looks like you got tangled in a tent on your way out today. That's what it feels like. You got tangled up in a tent. You're like, ah like ah fuck I'll get out of work classy yeah is that piece available like on the internet yeah what where did you find well when we were doing the outfit day a couple Fridays ago and I was in a I think I'm the only one who like
Starting point is 00:30:24 actually really tried and was like did multiple shopping trips and was actually trying to find my style. What the fuck? Try hard. Yeah, I was a try hard. Classic try hard. And I went to Target and I bought a ton of stuff and I was like, I'll return it all. And I guess I missed... I lost the receipt.
Starting point is 00:30:39 So now I own a bunch of clothes that I would never normally wear. And this is one of them. I don't know if that's clothes. Yeah, no, it's. It's like one giant pant leg. Yeah. It is like being in a tent. It's cloth.
Starting point is 00:30:52 It's undeniably cloth. I don't think it's gotten to the. It's like you basically showed up with a caterpillar. You're like, check out my butterfly. Yeah. It's not quite clothes yet. I'm working on it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Are there pockets? Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh. close yet. I'm working on it. Are there pockets? Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh. All right, we're getting there. In this thing. All right. It's close to changing. It's like a survivor runner-up reward.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Yeah. Yeah. But the good thing is, yeah, you wore it on your birthday, so we can't make fun of it. No, we would never. No, thank you. I feel very. But, Kate, I love you. We're not going to make any jokes.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Don't wear that tomorrow. I have a bunch more. I don't want to see that shit till your next birthday. I got a pink one. I got a bunch of neon pink stuff. I got all kinds. Oh, you went all the way in on it. I forgot all.
Starting point is 00:31:33 I bought way more Western shit from that Alcala's place. I think you wanted it. Yeah. That's what I'm going to. I'm just like forcing myself to wear it. And luckily we're supportive. Somebody out there. How many pairs of those do you have?
Starting point is 00:31:45 This particular skirt? Yeah. I got a pink one too. Okay. How pink? Like neon. Let me hold one. Let me hold one. Okay. Hold one? I want to try it. The skirt? Yeah, I got to cover up my legs. I want to try it. I'll bring it in. Yeah. Maybe wear a skirt on the show.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Yeah. I'm not afraid. You want to do anything? Like sing a song or play a game? I feel like my games haven't gone well. Did you really? Yeah, we got a cake as well. Guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:14 I made you a coaster. Well, we needed something to cut the whatever the fuck we're going to do. What? Yeah, Nick made a coaster. Oh, shit. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. It's over there.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Oh, it has my name on the back yeah yeah it says one you're my favorite member of the yak not to continue making it about me which you know i would hate i love it uh i was getting an mri the follow-up to see if i got any more broken bones nice little birthday mri i was supposed to be done way earlier i'm in there sitting thinking and they're like hold on time. I forgot to take off my bra. Oh. They had to stop the whole MRI, bring me back out. That's actually not the law.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Who took it off? No, that's not the law. Actually, the lady reached in my thing. She's like, I can do it for you. And she reached into my thing and unhooked it. Yeah, it was kind of hot. Yeah, you got to spin that story and be like, I looked it up after. It's not a rule.
Starting point is 00:33:03 They just were very attracted to me. Yeah, they just wanted to take it. Why do you have to take off your bra? like, I looked it up after. It's not a rule. They just were very attracted to me. Yeah, they just wanted to take it. Why do you have to take off your bra? Oh, because it's got metal in it? Mine has. I need a little. Wires? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Are you still shattered? Yeah. Oh, no. But you did get the fun thing. It's always fun when on your birthday you have to do something that you have to give your birthday. And then people are like, oh, happy birthday. Did you have to fill out forms? Oh, I did, yeah. They were like, oh, this is what you're when on your birthday you have to do something that you have to give your birthday. And then people are like, oh, happy birthday. Like, did you have to fill out forms? Oh, I did, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:27 They were like, oh, this is what you're doing for your... And I'm like, look at me. I'm taking my bra off. I just twirled it around. They were laughing. It was all legal. Yeah, whenever you have to like show ID or something on your birthday, you get the random like, oh, happy birthday. That's why I scheduled it for today, actually.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Because I was like, I want someone to... My driver's license expires on my birthday this year. So I'm... When's your birthday? When is yours? This month. Oh, no. When's your birthday? I was like, I want someone to. My driver's license expires on my birthday this year. When's your birthday? When is yours? This month. Oh, no. When's your birthday?
Starting point is 00:33:51 That's going to be a not fun day. Are you a Gemini? I'm a Cancer. Oh, well. Me too, big dog. I told you that. Wait, Nick, when was your birthday? June 28th. Oh, this is coming up.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Oh, fuck. When's the 25th? Look at us. Oh, I got to get us a boat, by the way. Is everyone still in for that? Yeah. Yeah, get us a boat for our birthday. I got to secure a note for the Third Eye Blind concert. Oh. fuck. Mine's the 25th. Look at us. Oh, I got to get us a boat, by the way. Is everyone still in for that? Yeah. Yeah, get us a boat for our birthday. I got to secure a...
Starting point is 00:34:07 No, for the Third Eye Blind concert. Oh. Yeah. I already have tickets. I already have tickets for that. We're all going. It was my birthday gift from... Okay, all right.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Well, we're going to get a boat. Okay. What if the next case race was on a boat? Well, we've already guaranteed the next case race is going to happen in the next couple of weeks. Oh, hell yeah. If I win Captain of the Year. Oh, yeah. You can booze now.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Yeah, I did on Friday. I had a great time at Pup Punk. Maybe even get Sass out here back. Oh, he doesn't drink. He will drink with the SNL cast. That's true. How good was Sass? He was firing on all cylinders, man. He really was. Fucking heater. He's so back.
Starting point is 00:34:42 He's such a heater. He's always a heater. He doesn't miss. He's so back. He's such a heater. He's always a heater. He doesn't miss. He's so unhappy. Yeah, I know. It's crazy. We're on the drive back from roof ball. He's like the oldest 20-something I've ever met in my life. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Doesn't like anything. Nothing. He did get cuter. Oh, for sure. But he doesn't give a fuck. No, he doesn't care about things like that. I think he might not age because he just never goes in the sun. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:06 He might just learn that. Yeah. He doesn't. He doesn't like anything. I don't think he has a favorite food. No. No because they all
Starting point is 00:35:16 make him shit. They all make him shit. He can't have a favorite food. By the way we got we got two new Chicago residents today. Did you guys see that? Robbie Gooch. Gooch. Gooch is here and Kyle's here. Oh we got two new Chicago residents today. Did you guys see that? Robbie Gooch.
Starting point is 00:35:25 Gooch. Gooch is here, and Kyle's here. Oh, we got Kyle. Okay. Yeah, we got another Ginger. We've got to have a quota. We have so many Gingers, it's getting out of hand. It's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Who said there's no diversity at Barstool? Look at that. We're fucking chock full of Gingers. Yeah, Gooch is here, officially. Love Gooch. He had never been in the office before yep and he's moved here yeah he was walking around i was like i don't think anyone gave him a tour he just kind of tried to figure out himself i like that yeah a real self-starter yeah right
Starting point is 00:35:55 have you had to answer a dozen questions yet already yeah that's just the part of the day now yep that's just what we're gonna have to do but i got i like it i got a hack for it i just ask him questions until like just more specific questions until i basically get the answer but i still have the satisfaction out dozen him he was like who before miguel cabrera who was the previous uh triple crown winner in baseball do you guys know this before um pull house no um there's clemmer clemmer's hell yeah oh so i just was like all right what al or nl he's like al is like all right what what year twin 1967 i was like what i was like what team he's like boston reds i was like oh you're shremski got it i was just but he just gave me the year and team simple as that yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to say no. It's very easy. Clemmer.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Oh, boys. What's up? Hey, what's going on? Clemmer. Yes. Hello. Hello. Clemmer's here for the rat race. It's Undisclosed Teams.
Starting point is 00:36:53 I'm here to announce one team. Yes. Probably my favorite team, I think. It's running. Mincy and White Sox Dave. Wow. A true. Who's who?
Starting point is 00:37:02 I mean, just. Who's who? Who's their camera assigned to them? Is it Fasoli? I think it is, actually. Oh, perfect. That's a combined just barely triple digit IQ. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Is there a concern they might get lost forever? Caitlin Walker said there's a good chance they end up in Wisconsin. Yeah. They're not going to be in the right state. They just never get back. Right. Yeah, we might lose them forever. No, I'm super excited.
Starting point is 00:37:23 I think this is going to be the best one yet. I'm amped up. It was a cool way to see Chicago. I'd never get back. Right. Yeah, we might lose him forever. No, I'm super excited. I think this is going to be the best one yet. I'm amped up. It was a cool way to see Chicago. I'd never been here before. Before Barstool got the office here, and the city's awesome. Yeah. Awesome. Went around? Yeah. Went all around. We were here last month doing scouting, or two months ago, scouting different
Starting point is 00:37:39 locations and stuff, and I think this place is great. Love it. Do a New York fax here and just pass it off like it's in new york oh yeah i'm gonna do a chicago i already have what i want to do make it a new york fact yeah do new york be like the chicago river and like you know yeah your just a lot yeah the sal capone fact and just yeah yeah in new york yeah uh no i'm gonna do one for sure because this i'm back here for the dozen and uh i'm excited come back. Plus, Chicago in the summer is pretty awesome. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:06 You should go to the Bean and say it's like that portal in New York where you can see it. I'm like yelling at someone in Dublin. Yeah, just be like, here is the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah, New York facts. The Atlantic Ocean. Did you know that you can walk to the Atlantic Ocean from downtown New York?
Starting point is 00:38:21 And it's right here and right across is England. Yes, yes. No, I'm super amped up. ocean from downtown New York. And it's right here and right across England. Yes. I'm super amped up. Go up to the Sears Tower and be like, you can see England there. See Africa there. There's Australia. Should we tease what else you brought? We can if you want to. Oh.
Starting point is 00:38:41 We've already all seen it. Everybody's already seen it, so let's just not talk about it. But if we if for someone who has not seen it, that's an unbelievable hypothetical. Everybody's seen it. What are we talking about? Clemmer brought back a hard drive. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:57 Hard drive. Almost exactly off. Exactly a year ago from when we shot the first things for it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But it's secured. It's secured. It is secured. So you have all the footage
Starting point is 00:39:07 of the famous monkey boy. That's correct. I thought it was child porn. The thing is No move. You look like a guy that would have hot child porn. It's monkey boy. You really going to come after me?
Starting point is 00:39:22 Now I have to come after you now? That's how it works. That's come after you now that's fine that's fine we have noticed from afar that you are you do like get into uh don't say pornography please no no you get into fights in the office a lot well who's the number one target there's been a lot of people in fights yeah i would say it's really only i think there's only two there's only two people that i fight with and that's nate and meek phil what about smitty and smitty oh no that's like about sports like that's not like that's like so what are your fights with nate and meek phil about nate and meek phil i guess is about kind of have a type meek phil is about sports too but nate nate is just you guys know like i love nate but once every like two months nate will say something that is just the most irksome,
Starting point is 00:40:06 annoying thing that makes you fucking crazy. Every fucking two months. But then the next day, it's fine. But in that one day, you want to murder him. That actually just triggered a memory when we were driving back from Roofball. Sass said that if people remember, he just quit work for a month. He just didn't show up for an entire month. Sass did.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Sass did. I had never known why. I thought it was because it was when he asked for a month. He just didn't show up for an entire month. Sass did. Sass did. And I had never known why. I thought it was because it was when he asked for a raise from Dave. But he told us that it was actually he showed up to the office one morning and he had a cup of coffee. And Nate came up to him and was like, you like that cup of coffee? And Sass was like, yeah. And Nate just said, I came in it.
Starting point is 00:40:39 And then Sass said he just packed his bags and didn't come home. He went to Wyoming for one month. That was his breaking point. Nate has driven all of us, maybe except for Titus, like all of us crazy at one point. That's pretty fair, I think. Is it one, like, measly sentence? Or is it like a group of things?
Starting point is 00:41:00 He'll just repeat the same things over and over again. That's annoying. Like, I was over, I was talking with Marty, and we were talking about something related to Pig Central, but not necessarily directly. And he goes, save it for this show. Save it for this show. Save it for this show.
Starting point is 00:41:11 It's like, Nate, we're talking about something different. Plus, you're interrupting us. We're just having a conversation. Right. And he's like, well, why are you here? You shouldn't be over here. And you want to punch him in the face. That is irksome.
Starting point is 00:41:21 It is irksome. Your Nate is pretty good. It's actually pretty similar to my Meek Phil. Okay, okay. Anytime he's wrong in an argument, Meek Phil will be, okay. It is a type, you're right. Yeah, you got a type. Meek Phil has spent $500 on Fortnite skins?
Starting point is 00:41:39 Yes. Meek Phil has a baby too? What? You see that picture of the Mets game? It was a doppelganger. It wasn't a doppelganger. It was Meek Phil has a baby too? What? You didn't see that picture of the Mets game? It was a doppelganger. It wasn't a doppelganger. It was Meek Phil, and he was holding a baby. Where'd he get that from?
Starting point is 00:41:52 Stephanie, can you find it? He was holding a baby. There's no way he got that through traditional routes. Yeah. He stole a baby. Meek Phil's like in an orphanage in the 20s, like trolling his mustache. I don't know. Dude, this doppelganger's not a doppelganger, it was meek phil i actually didn't notice the baby i just
Starting point is 00:42:08 thought it was meek phil until like well i kind of look like meek phil no oh no this was literally meek phil with a baby i went to south dakota with meek phil really yeah can you explain that to me why you guys keep going places yeah it's uh pick six is uh a great app on uh on draft kings and they have it it's brand new and it's in different states and they wanted us to go to like different states to showcase it's not legal in new york but for instance it's legal in uh new mexico or it's legal in south dakota um so meek phil and i went there went to salt mount rushmore together had a great car he was great on the trip actually me phil was a fantastic travel partner yeah but then you got back and he was meek phil yeah and we're back in Big Central
Starting point is 00:42:45 and he just throws his little daggers at you. You know, makes fun of me for being old or just makes fun of me constantly. And then if I make fun of him back, people treat it like a war crime. Which I don't really understand. You're not that old. How old are you? 44. That's not that old. Thank you. That's what I tell him. Brandon, 44? Brandon?
Starting point is 00:43:02 Joey Kamasta. Joey Kamasta and I are born the same year. Who's a young dude who's older than you? Oh, yeah, that's what you got to do. Sass. Like, Miles Teller isn't, but he's a young dude who's old. Like, I'm trying to think. Channing Tatum. Unfortunately, Channing Tatum's a great one, right?
Starting point is 00:43:17 I think he's like- That's me, Phil. Holy shit. Adam Metzke. Wait, that's not him? Right, that's what I'm saying. No, that is him. That is him. That's 100% him. He can'tkin. Wait, that's not him? Right. That's what I'm saying. No, that is him. That is him.
Starting point is 00:43:26 That's 100% him. He can't hold a baby. No way. What if he's a baby daddy, dude? No. No. It's crazy. Wait, how did he get that baby?
Starting point is 00:43:34 I don't know. That is me, Phil. Yes. How did he get that baby? That's not a... Yeah. Wait, why is that a video? It was on SNY, obviously, and they were cutting away a Nintendo commercial coming back, so it's a little... But why is the tweet a video? Is was on SNY, obviously, and they were cutting away a Neetu commercial coming back, so
Starting point is 00:43:45 it's a little... But why is the tweet a video? Is he an uncle? Because I think it's the video, they're showing the video of the SNY coverage. Right, but it could have been a picture. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Right. This guy's going to the extra. Steady hand from Joey. Damn. That's Meek Phil, and he's holding a baby. You can't
Starting point is 00:44:02 tell me that's not him. Who is... Is he saying it's not him? He's saying it's not him. That's him. He has a baby. Is it't tell me that's not him. Who is, is he saying it's not him? He's saying it's not him. That's him. He has a baby. Is it not him, to be honest? He was, I was, he was taping the bracket while that picture came up.
Starting point is 00:44:13 We were actually taping it. It was the Fortnite Skins episode. I wasn't. And we got out of the bracket, and then that was it. But that's him. That is him. But it's not.
Starting point is 00:44:20 But it's him. But it could have been taped a different day. Maybe that's why he was using it to go out of the commercial from a different day. They'll do that a lot. They're like stock footage. But it could have been taped a different day. Maybe that's why he was using it to go out of the commercial from a different day. They'll do that a lot. They're like stock footage. But what is different about this man saying it wasn't him? Yeah, find one difference.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Yeah, what's... Exactly how he looks. Those are his glasses. Everything about it is him. Actually, there's one thing that's different. This guy has less of a neck beard. Oh. Really? Wait, what? Like this. Oh, the neck. neck the actual neck pull up a photo of meek phil yeah first time that sentence been said damn that was meek phil 100 i miss him i mean I mean, it'd be a great arc if he did have a kid. Yeah, just father me about it. It'd be outstanding.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Yeah. Oh, gross. Oh, that's too big of a tray. Oh, no. That's Chip Cade's birthday. Cream's Chip Cade. Oh, my God. For everyone.
Starting point is 00:45:17 It looks so good. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, thank God. Oh, my God. Yeah. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, shit. Serve the thank god. Oh my god. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, shit. Oh! I'll take the leftovers. Wait till you take a bite. Oh, stop. There's not enough.
Starting point is 00:45:33 You want some? No, there's not enough. No, there is. There's not enough, unfortunately. Hey, I don't want this. Thanks, man. Oh, fuck. Oh, this looks so bad.
Starting point is 00:45:41 You guys are so wrong. Thank you. I would do one if you had an extra one. Titus, I love how you're out. Titus is always fucking there. No, we can lady in the tramp at Titus. We'll both take a bite. I want you guys to enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Titus, here. I can. Does it smell bad? This couldn't look worse. I don't want it so bad. Donnie's a really good chef. Yes. It's the best he could be.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Oh, Kate. That actually ruined it. I'm going to hold off on mine. That looks like dog vomit. Don't want it. Just don't want it. That looks like dog vomit on a piece of bread. That looks fucking awful.
Starting point is 00:46:23 You guys don't have to pretend just because it's a regional food. It can be dog shit. Did you try it? I had a little corner. It tasted like bad. You know how bad it tastes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that before.
Starting point is 00:46:33 I want to try it, but I don't want to try it on camera. I don't ever want anyone to be like, you ate that. It's pretty, pretty, it's not like an offensive taste. It's just there. But I don't like you guys hamming it up just because. Someone it's fine because mook let out an audible it doesn't smell bad it does not it doesn't donnie's a good chef so he probably made it good but it's just okay that's the most disgusting i've ever seen oh god cake napkins and there's it's definitely that's that's actually that's gross use your skirt no No just use Steven's big napkin.
Starting point is 00:47:06 She'd use the skirt but she has no panties on. Got cream. Harry do you see any paper towels or napkins? We got an emergency. All right great. Oh it's on my eye a little bit. No it's I would hate to I would hate to impose.
Starting point is 00:47:25 It's foul Dan. It's foul, Dan. It's awful. Oh, my God. Yeah, Tony's right in here. It's not your fault. You made the best breakfast I ever had in my life at the ski house. Can I have a paper towel, too, please? Oh, that's bad.
Starting point is 00:47:39 Oh, Kate. Oh, stop. Stop, dude. No. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Stop. No. Oh, my God. Oh, no. People are eating lunch. They were.
Starting point is 00:47:52 We see those tits. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, that does not taste good. Are you kidding me? No, that does not taste good. Are you kidding me? No, that does not taste good. Did you try it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:09 You guys are accusing us of hamming it up. It's actually good, and you're cheating yourself. You acted like that was 100-year-old age. Oh, I just licked my fucking finger. There it is. It's like salty. Oh, my God. Only people from Philly would understand.
Starting point is 00:48:27 How often do you make this at home? Growing up, it was like a weekly dinner. Yeah, you have the option to have any meal you want at any time. When was the last time you had it? It's hard to find. I've been trying to find it here. It's really hard to find it. You can make it.
Starting point is 00:48:39 He made it. So we're kind of proving our point. I don't cook. It's like Brandon with the pear salad. Yeah. Brandon's like, I love pear salad. You don't love pear salad if you're an adult and haven't had it in a year. Well, you know, there's certain things like your mom makes, but it doesn't occur to you that you can also make it.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Like, I love chicken parm. It's not like I haven't had chicken parm in a long time. I'll eat whoever's not finishing theirs. You can have all of it. Yeah, by all means. Happy birthday, Kate. Happy birthday. Poor of it. Yeah, by all means. Happy birthday, Kate. Happy birthday. Poor Donnie.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Thank you, Donnie. Perfect. Does it taste like it? It looks, yes. No, like it used to? It's biscuits and gravy. You pass up. With different meat.
Starting point is 00:49:20 You guys are nuts. Thank you. Kate, they're being hardos. This is delicious. I know. Kate, they're being hardos. This is delicious. I know. Again, so give me a little piece. Make it at home. Right here.
Starting point is 00:49:33 I will. I will. Has anyone ever made you eat cream chip beef? Yes. Well, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Need it. When life goes so fast, it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments
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Starting point is 00:50:20 I'm going to go to therapy. And switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit BetterHelp.com slash yak today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash yak. BetterHelp.com slash yak. Look, it's not like a fine food. It's slop. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:38 But it's good slop. Biting it and going, mmm. Yeah. I like slop. You're full of shit. You said you didn't like it on your finger. Oh, no. I made him put gross stuff on his finger.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Put it on Clemmer. No, no, I did not like it. No, no, no. Are you a nail biter? Oh, the nail polish? Oh, here we go. Cake. All right.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Cake. What's the twist here? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Kate. Happy birthday to
Starting point is 00:51:14 you. I should have if I had thought ahead I would have had the cake just be full of cream chickpea. See I had it. Guys? Because it looks so bad, it has to be so good.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Do you know what I mean? You still didn't try it yet? No, I did. It needed to be better. It needs to be better than it looks. And it really wasn't. It wasn't. You're wrong.
Starting point is 00:51:38 It was the cream aspect, the consistency of cream without the creaminess, the savory flavor. If you put it in like a sub, I'd probably eat it and be like, ah, okay. But the look of it is just. Oh, hell yeah. Steven, Stephanie, Zaha, you guys want a bite?
Starting point is 00:51:57 I bet Zaha would like it. Zaha, get in here. Zaha, what animals did you see? So I actually had a hippo. We went fishing, and I had a hippo living right outside my window. That's scary. Yeah, it was pretty petrifying. Hippo, elephant, impala, a lot of crocodiles, a lot of fish eagles.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Fish eagles? Yeah. It kind of looks like the American one with the white head. But, yeah, no, it was awesome. I think of hippos as friendly. Is that inaccurate? Absolutely not. They're the most dangerous animal in Africa.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Oh, really? Yep. You know they don't swim? No, I didn't know that. Yeah, they run on the bottom. It's crazy. They're strong, scary. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Jesus. Yeah. They're really crazy. Do you know anybody that's ever been killed by a hippo? Yeah. Oh, what? What happened? So usually when a hippo kills a person, you get between.
Starting point is 00:52:53 So they come out to the water to graze. And if you get between itself and the water, you're pretty much toast. Seriously? Yeah. So that's the most common cause is usually someone will get in between. And they walk down a straight path. If they walk down that way, they're coming straight back through that path. So if you get in that path, you're pretty much a street cat.
Starting point is 00:53:15 And what do they do? They bite them or do they? Give you a little boom and then just leave you. So they actually don't eat you because they're herbivores, so they'll just kill you with the tusks and, yeah. With their mouth? They'll kill you with their mouth? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:28 Or run you over. Let me... You don't want to... I think I could take a hippo. Oh. Yeah, you know what? What would you do? I'm thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:53:39 I think I'd just go low. You bend down? Yeah. Barehanded? Yeah, just get low. Just step out of the... As it's charging, step to the side and trip it. There you go. Trip it. down. Bare handed? Yeah, just get low. Just step out of the way as it's charging you. Step to the side and trip it.
Starting point is 00:53:47 And then it flips over. And then maybe pull its tail. I heard a hippo's tail comes off if you pull hard enough. And that's how they breathe. Just don't run in a straight line. I've read that somewhere. Yeah, I think
Starting point is 00:54:03 I'm going to call out hippos. I think hippos are pussies. You punch in the nose like a shark? No problem. Just backs off? Yeah. I'd break its neck. Yep.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Smart. Choke hold. Yep. And I'd suck out its last breath. So it lives on through me forever. Did you guys see that UFC fight video? Yeah. It rocked.
Starting point is 00:54:24 It was scary. I thought some dude was going to get tossed off the balcony. I was anxious while watching it. I don't think I've ever had that emotion, but I liked that emotion. It gave me that emotion. Happy Pride, brother. I also think it's pretty much a guarantee if you're slapping yourself before a fight, you're going to lose. The guy was slapping
Starting point is 00:54:45 himself that oh that never maybe i didn't see this can we i'm trying to picture this based on the context clues it was in the stands of a ufc yeah i don't know oh what happened i got knocked out i can understand you're falling forward and went like 10 rows oh this is in the stand in the stand yeah way way i thought he was was going to fly into the ring. Look at this. This is the beginning. This guy is white, is he not? Do we know what they're fighting about?
Starting point is 00:55:22 Oh. Yeah. Is that the white boy? I think they both are. Oh. Yeah. Is that the white boy? I think they both are. Both. Oh, shit. Now I start to get anxiety. That guy deserves to get his ass kicked.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Right. The guy who's standing lower should be a little more concerned about where he's at. He's being very reasonable, it seems like. Also, yeah, I mean, you can't. You kind of have to fight at this point because you can't sit in front of someone. Oh, shit. That was the start of it. I don't know who's going to win.
Starting point is 00:56:02 You can't come from the lower ground. Oh, pants falling down. Oh, now he's got adrenaline. Yep. Now he's ready to go. Ready for war. Oh, next video, next video. Oh, okay. Oh!
Starting point is 00:56:14 Oh, my God! I thought he was going down. Oh, yeah. Oh, he fucked him up? Yeah, fucked him up proper. Did he just trip? Oh, that's satisfying. Yeah, I thought the other guy was going to...
Starting point is 00:56:25 Now they're playing with fire, dude. Oh, he's got him by the hair. He's got him by the hair. Oh, this is great. Yeah. Oh, he can't have long hair. It was very clear who you're rooting for in this fight, and that guy won. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Nothing better. That was great. But now, do you just watch the rest of the fight? Yeah, do you go back to your regular seats? Yeah, you can wait. We'll eat it at the fight? Yeah, do you go back to your regular seats? Yeah, you can wait. We'll eat it at the end. Yeah, that's probably better. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:56:50 Can we just see the beginning of the second video again? Him just going. You get knocked out going forward. It's got to be an all-time bad feeling. What a loser. He's the biggest loser in the world. Boom. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Oh, damn. Oh, shit. Awesome in the world. Boom. Oh, shit. Awesome. So awesome. Boom. Oh, my God. He fucked him up. Oh, that's great. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:57:17 UFC fights have to be the highest level of fan fight. Oh, definitely. These guys all love it. Is this the only sport you can play in the crowd? Raiders and Chargers games I feel like have a high level. Yeah. Imagine that helpless feeling when you're tipped over like that. It must be so terrifying.
Starting point is 00:57:38 When he's head over heels, it must be horrifying. You start getting punched in the face. And your hair gets pulled. By a white boy? Yeah. pulled. By a white boy? God damn. And you're a white boy? When's the last time you brought a glove to a baseball game? Eighth grade.
Starting point is 00:57:54 I brought one for the home run derby. I'm thinking that through. It's been a while. You've got to feel like such an idiot to do it as an adult. I kind of like it. I think if you lean into it, it's kind of funny. Oh, he did bring one. Tim harbaugh made it cool he was doing it like sitting behind the fence or the net too so there's no chance he was getting a ball i don't
Starting point is 00:58:11 know if you can find it stephanie but there was one where i vaguely remember him sitting like maybe five rows behind the net but you could still get one if it goes what's the other sport equivalent of that is that a helmet to a football game yeah guys people do shoulder pads can you catch like a rogue field goal that screen's so big though a glove to the ufc yeah like yeah yeah one shin guards bringing your glove your golf clubs to like that would be hilarious that would be the funniest option yeah yeah never know. That was him in the outfield, but he had another one where I think he was when he was in San Francisco. He brings it to every game.
Starting point is 00:58:51 He's unapologetic about it too. Bring your own horse to Saratoga? Yeah. Oh, that would be funny. That's a good move. Wearing your own silks. I'm here to go. Wearing a condom to the bar we yeah we we got gigantic ones for the
Starting point is 00:59:09 home run derby in miami in 2017 in the outfield did you get any no sucked oh he's ready he's always ready clem we gotta get you in the outfield for the derby oh i feel like we could make that happen and you would appreciate it yeah i don't. Yeah, I'm not really good at catching balls, I don't think. I'm going to Wrigley Field for the first time in two weeks when we're back for the dozen. I'm going to both Wrigley and New Comiskey for the first time. Kyle, do you picture him in the stands or in the outfield
Starting point is 00:59:36 shagging with the boys? I would feel horrible. I don't want my kids to have it. Oh, no. You've got to make that happen. If we make it happen, would you do it? I'll do anything for content, but I don't want to bully a kid for the ball. That would be the best content. I would feel bad.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Even if I'm near a foul ball, I don't catch it. If a ball rolls to me, I always obviously give it to a kid. Why do I want an $8 souvenir? I don't think the kid would. You don't have to keep every ball. Tough 12-year-olds. They're not going to be intimidated. Oh, I know that.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Right, right. You don't have to keep them. You just push them out of the way to catch them. Yeah, you probably throw them in the stands. You'd probably catch them better than I could at this point. Now, Clemmer, I said that you weren't old with the 44. That's not that old. But you saying new Comiskey is a very old thing to say.
Starting point is 01:00:17 The change is the name so much. Guaranteed rate has been around for like 20 years. What was it before that? It had another goofy name. It was guaranteed rate. It was cellular.anteed Rate. It was Cellular. Cellular, yeah. The new stadium's been around since like, oh, three.
Starting point is 01:00:32 Comiskey's been around since like, 93, right? No, but they... Oh, they changed the name. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. I like the new Comiskey. I like it better, right? I guess. If it changes again, then you're still safe. Yeah, I guess. Plus it changes again, then you're still safe. Yeah, I guess you're right. Plus it gives a little credit to Kaminsky.
Starting point is 01:00:47 All right, all right. All right, new Kaminsky. You're doing two games in the same day? No, they're not home at the same time. I'm going to Mets, Cubs, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I think Friday night is Stevie Nicks and Billy Joel. I'm going. Are you in?
Starting point is 01:00:58 Yeah. Clem and I are going. A bunch of us are going. I already got my tickets. Oh, you already got tickets? It's at Soldier Field? Yeah. Yeah, I already got tickets.
Starting point is 01:01:04 Hell yeah. Because I was talking about maybe getting a suite. What? Whoa. You got it like tickets. Oh, you already got tickets? It's at Soldier Field? Yeah. Yeah, I already got tickets. Hell yeah. Because I was talking about maybe getting a suite. What? Whoa. You got it like that? No, no, no, no. If a bunch of us,
Starting point is 01:01:10 if like 20 of us do it, could we afford that or is that too crazy? Is that stupid? They're pretty expensive. Are they? I mean, not then. I've looked in the suites before
Starting point is 01:01:19 and it's just not. Is it that much? Yeah, it's like a level. I'm on the field and it was pricey. Yeah. No, Columbus State is like what?
Starting point is 01:01:25 Like $150 to $300 maybe per each ticket? I'd rather be on the field. So about 20 of us did it? No, no, no. This is just getting a seat. So about 20 of us did it. It'd be like $2,000. Is Sweets more than that?
Starting point is 01:01:35 I don't know. I'm a pricey guy. Yes. All right, then I'm an idiot. Sweets probably like $10,000, $15,000. Oh, never mind. No. So we're just getting regular seats.
Starting point is 01:01:42 And yeah, a bunch of us are going, I think. Hell yeah. Yeah, because we're all here for the dozen anyway. So we'll stick around next day and go to that. Yeah, and then I think my wife. You might have to be in the case race. Oh. If I win capital year.
Starting point is 01:01:53 Drunk with Clemmer is insane. He almost got thrown out of Dave and Buster's. I get very loud. This is actually. Yeah. This is going to be great because we actually do have a lot of people here. So we can do the Royal Rumble. Yeah, you're not going to know who's.
Starting point is 01:02:03 We should get a handful of outsiders advertising. All right, I'm going to stop here. I'll be here that whole week. Even stick around for that following Monday. Yeah. I'll be here for like 10 days. I'm very excited. Yeah, is it crazy?
Starting point is 01:02:17 I'm stupid, right? We got Clemmer drunk at a tungsten meetup, and we gave him a Zin, and he threw up immediately. Oh, it's one of the funniest photos ever. He looks exactly like Gollum. He's hunched up. I mean, I couldn't even make it. I got to ask Ken for it. I couldn't even make it to the bathroom.
Starting point is 01:02:34 I puked in the trash can next to the bar. It was one of the most humiliating things of my 40s. I say one of. No, it was a dog move, though. I was proud of you. I see that at the floor. I know. Well, yeah, I never had a Zin.
Starting point is 01:02:44 I'm like, I can handle this. No. No. What's the next big, clever idea that we got kicking around in your head? So this is something Owen and I have been speculating on. We talked about it last week. So the idea is, like, I'm trapped in a—let me run this by you guys, because you guys are really good with content stuff, ideas.
Starting point is 01:03:02 I have two ideas for it. I'm trapped 72 hours on either a new york city block not again no no no a new york city block you're gonna have three michelin star restaurants a five-star hotel the most boring the most boring block possible or we pick a really boring town and i'm stuck there for 72 hours and i cannot leave the town i did that for 24 years yeah yeah and that shit. Yeah. That's that's 72 hours.
Starting point is 01:03:28 How about a street? I'm just trying to think of something like we're trying to think of something. What about a highway rest stop? They're open 24 hours. You got a trucker. Oh, I like that. That's not a bad idea. You have to fuck a whore.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah. Is there somewhere to sleep there? You have to sleep in a truck. What about, what about Climber Hitchhikes America? I'm not doing that I'm scared of that I think That would be cool You gotta get all the way across America Have you ever seen Hitcher?
Starting point is 01:03:55 Jennifer Jason Leigh gets ripped apart Oh my god, it's terrifying That worked in your favor to get out of that conversation If you're a kid in the 80's And you saw the Hitchhiker's Guide, because it's on HBO all the time for whatever reason, and Jennifer and Jason Lee gets ripped apart, it's one of the most horrifying things my childhood. What about – I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
Starting point is 01:04:15 That wouldn't happen to you. You hitchhiking across America would be awesome. I don't know if anybody's picking you up. Are you kidding me? Look at that thumb. Put out your thumb. That'll do nice. Are you kidding me? Look at that thumb. Put out your thumb. That'll do nice. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:04:28 There's shit anywhere. Oh, my God. I'm very disarming. I'm not scary. As he's cackering. I'm not scary. Go with a kid, man. I mean, I'm not physically threatening.
Starting point is 01:04:43 Have you ever heard of Slender Man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you just of Slender Man? Yeah I have heard of it Kate Surprisingly yes It has come up Bring a gun with you I've shot a gun My dad liked guns So bring a gun with you
Starting point is 01:04:58 So then bring a cameraman who has a gun A strong man Strongest man we've got. Fasoli. I always have wanted to do a cross-country trip, because then I get to see different major league stadiums, too. So that would be a win-win. You hitchhiking America would be a great video.
Starting point is 01:05:13 I think you can hit every major league stadium by boat. I think they're all next to a waterway. Oh, okay. Wait, what? Yeah, I think you can do it. There's no way that's true. But how would I... Rivers and whatnot.
Starting point is 01:05:26 Phillies or Delaware Rivers right there? Are we in the cities or the... Probably the cities. Yeah, I was just... Oh, there's him after that. Wait. I think it would be tough for Phoenix, no? Don't be a dickhead.
Starting point is 01:05:40 Colorado? You would take... Get there by river. I think you can get to every stadium by water. Yeah, Phoenix, the Gila River connects to the Colorado. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. That was the fact that...
Starting point is 01:05:56 I proved him wrong and he said I was being a dickhead. This could be right. Yeah, you're being a dickhead. Let me spout. I'm sorry. Are you saying the same boat on the same? Yeah, I don't think you'd have to leave boat. I don't think that's true.
Starting point is 01:06:10 There's no way that's true. Pull up any baseball stadium and zoom in. There's no way that's true. Coffin Stadium, Kansas City. Can we find a map of all the baseball stadiums? Well, the Giants, yeah, the Giants. Put me in a pickle. Giants are over there. That's an easy one. Great point? Well, the Giants. Yeah, the Giants. Put me in a pickle. Giants are on a bill.
Starting point is 01:06:26 Giants are over there. That's an easy one. Great point. Yeah, the Giants. I mean, the city fields are in the water. City fields. Miami.
Starting point is 01:06:33 Oh, my God. Miami's right on the water. Yankee Stadium. Tampa Bay. Fenway. Fenway's close. Fenway. Yeah, see you guys.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Oh, Pittsburgh. There's bridges right there. Pittsburgh right by the water. MLB. Pull up to a boat Pittsburgh right by the water MLB stadium Pull up to a boat To every stadium I think that's a rule in MLB A lot of the times
Starting point is 01:06:49 You have to Yeah You have to be accessible It's like an ADA compliance thing Makes sense For mer people Dallas Boat
Starting point is 01:07:02 Is hitchhiking legal Would I get arrested You would Yeah I don't want to get in trouble I got legal? Would I get arrested? You would. Yeah. I don't want to get in trouble. I got in trouble once. I got arrested once and it was horrible.
Starting point is 01:07:09 For what? Driving with a suspended license I didn't know was suspended. It was my second week on the job. I had my boss in the car with me on a drive-along. This is how old I am, Dan. I was selling ads
Starting point is 01:07:19 for the Yellow Pages. And I was going from business to business. He was on a ride-along and I got pulled over and my boss said bail me out. It was horrifying. Wait, why did he arrest you for a suspended license? Because I had a taillight. I didn't from business to business. He was on a ride-along and I got pulled over and my boss had bailed me out. It was horrifying. Wait, why did he arrest you for suspended license?
Starting point is 01:07:27 Because I had a taillight. I didn't know it was out. And he goes, and the cop comes over. He's like, good news, bad news. The good news is I'm the nicest cop to ever arrest you. And I was just horrified. My boss was very nice about it. Do you have a mugshot?
Starting point is 01:07:40 There might be one somewhere. If it is, you might even be able to find some tear streaks. I was very upset. Yeah, I guess it checks out. Oh it is, you might even be able to find some tear streaks. I was very upset. Yeah. I guess it checks out. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:50 There's no. There they are. Mississippi River, right? No. There's just. Well, give me a city that's not on a river. Thank you. Houston.
Starting point is 01:07:59 What? Houston is surrounded by water. Dallas. Dallas. That's on a river. Arizona. River. Where's their river? The Snake River goes right. Dallas. Dallas. That's on a river. Arizona. River. Where's their river?
Starting point is 01:08:07 The Snake River goes right through it. Thank you, Kate. I've been tubing on it. You know it. But how would I get to the Snake River from... Oh, they're connected. Tributaries and such. Kind of an irrigation canal.
Starting point is 01:08:16 This is true. What are you saying? Where are you saying the Snake River is? All those map of river of waterways in America. It's going to boggle your mind. No, there is the Snake River. Oh, it goes down? Yeah. How about Atlanta? Is Atlanta on the water in America. It's going to boggle your mind. There is this river. Oh, it goes down? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:25 How about Atlanta? Is Atlanta on the water? Yeah. It's not. It's not. You guys are gaslighting. It's my favorite fun fact. You're a baseball guy.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Because nobody ever believes it. You can tell baseball guys that. I don't know. I don't know much about it. I know a lot about baseball, like old movies. I'm really dumb. Oh, I figured you would know that. I think there are some baseball fans that have done a houseboat,
Starting point is 01:08:45 and they take the whole season. They go to every stadium. One fact. I don't know what Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn go to every stadium. I don't know what to do with that. What if you did cross country? Look at all that blue. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:00 A lot of rivers. I'm saying it. I think it might be true. I think it is true. Wow. What if you had to stay at a stoolie's house every night as you cross the country? Like you rely on stoolies to get you across the country. I don't like.
Starting point is 01:09:14 You got to sleep on their couch. I didn't like even going to people's houses when I was a kid. Like sleepovers. Because like the parents sometimes made a bad meal. I know. That would be. I would watch it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:22 Yeah. See, here we go again. It's the content, but you want to be comfortable Why don't you guys do it You guys wouldn't do this I have a daily show So do I I'm doing this MLB by water thing
Starting point is 01:09:35 Yeah I think I'm in Let's do it I'll do that Two tubes If other people do it it's fun with friends See it has to be fun do it, it's fun with friends. See, it has to be fun for you. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:09:49 No, we're going to. We might swim it. I might get scurvy. Swim the tour. Lazy river. Big Cat swam to every MLB stadium. It was crazy. Yeah. Submarine.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Let's swim it. It's hot right now. The hitchhiking thing does sound fun, though. I think that would work. I just don't. Yeah, as long as I had someone with me and and it would be safe, and I wouldn't get arrested. We can't guarantee all those things. You get to pick two out of the three.
Starting point is 01:10:13 Safe. Safe. Safe is first. Oh, I need someone with me. I need Cameron with me. All right, with you, safe, arrested. And not arrested. Oh, so which one?
Starting point is 01:10:22 So I guess arrested then would be the one I would choose because the cameraman could bail me out yeah or he might get arrested he'll get arrested as well what if you go to the airport by the cheapest flight wherever you land you buy the cheapest flight there
Starting point is 01:10:32 and you do it five times and then you do a video where you end up yeah that's fine yeah sure I like travel can you buy a flight at an airport
Starting point is 01:10:39 they have in like Seinfeld was that a 90s thing you go in Seinfeld no that's how we used to do it back then. I would assume you did. I just haven't ever thought of that. One ticket, please. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:51 That's a crazy person. Or that's when travel agents were big back in the 80s and 90s. That's how we got places. Travel agents are kind of back now. Yeah, I see that, right? Yeah. I'd love to have my trip planned. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:01 I fucked up my Italy trip. I only bought hotels for half the nights. Yeah. Why? Really. Yeah. Yeah. I fucked up my Italy trip. I only bought hotels for half the nights. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because I bought hotels from like third to the fourth, fifth to the sixth,
Starting point is 01:11:10 but I forgot about the night of the fourth. And so I was like, God, Italy's cheap as fuck. And then I realized just the night. So I was bringing my bag every night I was going
Starting point is 01:11:20 to a new hotel. They just book the things for they don't plan the itinerary. They can do that. They can do that. They can do everything. I don't want that. No, that's what they...
Starting point is 01:11:28 Yeah, they basically take it out of your hands. Like when Roan goes on these extravagant trips, do you think he's planning them or someone else is planning them? He might have a travel agent. Yeah, I would need that because otherwise, how the fuck do you get into all that stuff?
Starting point is 01:11:44 Yeah. Oh, I love itinerary making yeah I've made them for stoolies have hit me up and for different cities oh yeah and I've sent them like whole ass I've taken like a long time sending I love it I have like minute by minute oh my god wow it's a loose you you schedule loosely but like I loosely minute by minute yeah minute by minute I've done some good ones, I'm just saying. Maybe that's it. Kate just makes you an itinerary somewhere. I would love it. That'd be nice.
Starting point is 01:12:12 I would love it. Oh, she planned a great trip for Brandon. I did. He maybe can outsource and send you instead. Oh. Idaho. Oh, I've never been to Idaho. I'd go to Idaho.
Starting point is 01:12:23 He's going to go, he said. Yeah, I'd go to Idaho. Yeah gonna go he said Yeah I'd go to Idaho Yeah We can give you Oh yeah that's right That's right Brandon Won the trip Is that or Hawaii
Starting point is 01:12:30 Yeah Right Yeah he chose Idaho Yeah I picked it Hawaii one of the most amazing Places I've ever been to in my life If not the most amazing Agreed
Starting point is 01:12:37 KB was just there Yeah that and Alaska Are my favorites Rico is Oh no Marty Mush is going to Alaska. Yeah, he texted us about it. Yeah, it's not going to be a punishment at all. It's going to be great. You just hate the 48 contingent?
Starting point is 01:12:54 Contiguous? Yeah. Contiguous? Contiguous. Contiguous? Contiguous. You got against the 48. I haven't been to any of the beautiful beautiful areas of the lower 48
Starting point is 01:13:06 like Colorado Montana San Diego like the big mountains the beautiful areas yeah I've never been big sky territory big sky is awesome how big could it possibly be bigger than you'd ever imagine
Starting point is 01:13:22 fucking huge you don't realize how much sky you're just missing. I want to go to Utah. Okay. Zion is the favorite single place I've ever been to. You've been to Zion? Oh, then you've been. Since when?
Starting point is 01:13:36 Since 10. You went at 10 years old? 2010. That I recommend. What if you did a scavenger hunt? Kind of like a rat race? Not like a checklist. Oh, like things I need to hit?
Starting point is 01:13:50 You got to find like a dude wearing a purple hat. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be fun. I like scavenger hunts. And you've got to travel. It can't be. You have to find a purple hat in every state. Oh.
Starting point is 01:14:02 It'd be easy in Colorado, but it might be tough other places. Yeah. A purple hat in every state. Hey, do you see it might be tough other places yeah a purple hat in every state hey do you see this clemmer guy's doing purple hat it's the next hole in one stream that jerry did tom bray's like you could do it chris that would do numbies dude you should find a purple hat in every state that would rock i'm already in purple hat in every state there's no way he does it right and then that comes with merch I don't think
Starting point is 01:14:26 that's possible now that I think about it I mean I could find a Purple Hat just going like you could find a Purple Hat someone wearing it
Starting point is 01:14:32 no it has to be like an organic think about it Delaware how many times have you been to Delaware no one in Delaware I used to vacation
Starting point is 01:14:39 in Dewey and Bethany and a little bit in Rehoboth I don't think this could be done never seen a Purple Hat I don't think I've ever seen one I just don't think I'd be done never seen a purple hat I don't think I've ever seen one I just don't think
Starting point is 01:14:45 I'd be able to come home like I'd be gone forever I have a family and I have like a life I can't just be gone forever plus I don't know if Barstow would pay I don't know if Dave
Starting point is 01:14:54 would pay for me to do this yeah you can't wait call Dave and ask him pitch him this idea I don't know if I want to do this idea I don't know if I want to be away from my family for six months
Starting point is 01:15:01 why don't you just like a month at a time you don't have to be away for six months you just gotta find the purple hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. If you find a purple hat,
Starting point is 01:15:08 you can go home. But each state though, I would take- And you could do it from afar. So you could be looking through a telescope and be like,
Starting point is 01:15:12 there it is. And then you go home. Yeah, we'd allow telescopes. I would be so in on this. Drones, you can use drones. Yeah. Yeah. How did my job here
Starting point is 01:15:21 somehow become torturing? When did this happen? Why is this torturing me, dude? You're traveling looking for purple hats. I also volunteer to do solitary confinement. You know how many people in their bucket list visit every state and find a guy in a purple hat? Well, that part, yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:34 No, it's something I've always wanted to do is solitary confinement. It's a job at the end of the day, dude. Yeah, bro. Yeah, you don't have to do it all consecutive. You can just go like... Oh, I could do it in segments? I think it would be easy. I think every
Starting point is 01:15:47 state has a city. You'd find one within an hour. I think so. Texas, you'd go to TCU's campus. Yep. Colorado, obviously. I don't know. I think it would be super quick. Minnesota. Here you could go up to Evanston. Northwestern. Oh, alright. See, I don't know much about college. You're right, but there's a college. Any populated place will have one person
Starting point is 01:16:03 with a purple hat. I would say... I would say go to a black church on a Sunday. That would be fascinating. Probably going to find a purple hat pretty quick. And no duplicates, though. No duplicates. If you find a Rockies hat. Okay. That would make it interesting.
Starting point is 01:16:16 Why are you adding duplicates? That would be the best. It was like, hey, I'm Chris Clemmer, and I'm going across the country finding a purple hat. What the fuck? I'm in. And the one catches, no duplicate. Drone shot out. Clemmer versus USA.
Starting point is 01:16:33 I mean, if we got a sponsored shirt. Purple hat across the country. That is so good. If we got that sponsored, I absolutely would. Why has nobody done this? It would rock. Mook, you don't think you could do it? No.
Starting point is 01:16:52 Yeah. No. I don't think you could do it, but I think he should. Yeah, the ride would be a lot of fun. Why don't you go right now? I'm busy today. This week I'm very busy. Film Illinois now.
Starting point is 01:17:02 Take 20 minutes right now. Just take 20 minutes and try to see if you can find a purple hat. Go to the cellar on the off-grid. Call it Fat U, purple hat across. All right, so I have until 1.40 to find a purple hat? Stephanie, could you send Clemmer a Zoom link? Have someone drive you. Just go down to the West Loop and just see if you can find a purple hat.
Starting point is 01:17:23 I think you'll find it quick. Yeah, this is proof of concept. We'll get it sold. If you haven't seen Rat Race, please watch it. Thank you. You gotta touch it. No, no, no. You have to see it from afar. Okay, see it.
Starting point is 01:17:39 Can I touch your purple hat? Excuse me, sir. Yeah. What a great idea. Did you hear about Barstool's Purple Heart Initiative? They've got your purple hat? One man. Excuse me, sir. Yeah. Oh, man. What a great idea. Did you hear about Barstool's Purple Heart Initiative? They've got no purple hat. It's hat. It's hat.
Starting point is 01:17:50 Hat. Yeah, and he just has to go see them from, like, you know, afar. I like the idea of not even filming the hat. He films himself seeing the hat. Yeah, that's it. That's it. It's just a selfie video. He's like, oh.
Starting point is 01:18:01 I want him to land in Hawaii and to see one in the airport and turn right back around. Would it be majority like flap rim Kangol hats beanies like what are we thinking I think women and sun hats
Starting point is 01:18:10 would be his best bet I think every airport you'll be able to find one I agree with that oh this is gonna be a really good content and like
Starting point is 01:18:18 nope we never say that it's a joke it's just like we take this very seriously I want drone shots the intense music in the background we never say that it's a joke. It's just like we take this very seriously. I want drone shots.
Starting point is 01:18:28 The intense music in the background. It's on its way. They said it couldn't be done. I'm here to prove them wrong. From the beautiful mind of Rat Race. I hope he finds a purple hat. Clemmer finds purple hats. Instantly. Instantly. Instantly.
Starting point is 01:18:48 It's tearing his marriage apart. There's a whole other storyline. If you see a purple hat in the wild, please take a picture. No, don't do his job for him. I just want to see... He seriously said, I have a family. I don't want to be gone for six months.
Starting point is 01:19:03 He's going to war. I'm going away for a while gone for the next six months traveling this country but like that 50th episode would be incredible oh it would be so awesome yeah people start wearing purple hats just to support him yeah
Starting point is 01:19:20 somebody would ruin it it has to be proof of organic yep i'm excited for him to try to find a purple hat right now this is good me and kyle went to the brooklyn the bronx zoo and we tried to find purple shoes we didn't look at a single animal we just went up yeah uh we found one pair yeah little kid oh there's a lot the lines get blurred with like oh it's a little bit purple. No. It has to be majority purple. They were foam posits.
Starting point is 01:19:50 They were foams. That's a good point. Say Clemmer finds a hat that's just purple brim, white cap part. Does that count? The Rockies hat is half purple, half black. 51%. It's got to be 51% purple. Or it could be a hat that says purple. That's the one loophole. It could be any colored hat as long as it says purple. Or it could be a hat that says purple. That's the one loophole.
Starting point is 01:20:06 It could be any colored hat as long as it says purple. Interesting. That's fair. I don't think he's going to find a purple hat. Those are the rules. We will not budge. Now I'm thinking I could do it and break the world record. I could do it in 50 days.
Starting point is 01:20:22 I think less. Easily less. Across the country? I could do New England in one days. I think less. Easily less. Across the country? I could do New England in one day. Yeah, absolutely. I bet you finally could. I guarantee you. Actually, I want to do it.
Starting point is 01:20:32 Send me to New England. I'll do it. This is less than a month. This is less than a month. We should race. Do all 50. Damn, Ohio got Montana. We have to do this.
Starting point is 01:20:40 We have to do this. I've been stuck in Michigan trying to find a purple hat. Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts in like an hour. Cancel surviving Barstool and make this what the company's doing. I want everyone to do it. The whole company is doing a purple hat. The race.
Starting point is 01:20:53 I'm like right now I'm itching to just go outside and try to find a purple hat. I am too. I'm going to start taking pictures of purple hats we see in the wild. Let's start a chat. Yeah. I want to chat with 1,000 people in it. We can call it Purple Chat. Yeah, Purple Chat.
Starting point is 01:21:10 Everybody just sends them. You can't respond. You can only send pictures of purple hats. You can only thumbs up. Okay. If it's purple. Thumbs down if it's not. I kind of want to race right now so I can find you first. Alright. I'm trying to think where in Chicago I would go right now.
Starting point is 01:21:28 It's always the most crowded place. Go downtown. If you have a purple hat, no problem. Millennium Park. Instantly. I feel like, is purple? Oh, shit. Oh, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:21:38 You want to find one? Oh, Titus went running off. Sprinted away. I feel like hibachi chefs could wear purple. Really? It's red or purple, right? No. White? It ain't purple.
Starting point is 01:21:50 I have a question. Say I'm at a store and I see a purple hat. Could I ask someone, hey, can you put that hat on real quick? Absolutely not. You'd be scorned. You could stay there until someone purchases it. That actually really pissed me off. This is why women can't purple hat. Fucking bitches. Yeah. Ru purchased it. That actually really pissed me off. Yeah. Yeah. This is why women can't purple hat. Fucking bitches.
Starting point is 01:22:07 Yeah. You ruined it. Damn. You want to do the high noon ad read real quick? Yeah. Oh, I just looked it for a second. I will eat that, by the way. I'm not letting you eat that.
Starting point is 01:22:17 That's been sitting. I swear to God, I will. High noon. Introducing high noon's all new vodka iced tea. It's time to finally ditch those sugary malt based teas And try High Noon vodka iced tea Made with real vodka and real iced tea It's non-carbonated with no added sugar and 90 calories
Starting point is 01:22:32 High Noon vodka iced tea is great for any occasion under the sun And it comes in four delicious flavors you've got to try Original peach, lemon, and raspberry Visit HighNoonSpirits.com to find it near you Love them Non-carbonated, no belching Belch free guarantee Perfect sweetness too to find it near you. Love them. Yum, yum. Non-carbonated, no belching. Belch-free guarantee.
Starting point is 01:22:47 They're perfect sweetness, too. Yeah. I was worried they were going to be real sweet. They're not at all. No, no. They're perfect. Doesn't taste artificial or anything. No. For anyone who joined late,
Starting point is 01:22:54 we have the chat pinned to the dozen voting. If I win captain of the year, I think it ends tonight. We will be doing a case race this month. Within the month? Within the month. We're going to do it the week of the dozen. We're going to set it up. Okay. Beautiful.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going to have it all good to go. And this will be the Royal Rumble? Yeah, because we're going to have a bunch of people here. So we can get a ton of people involved. Okay, there he is. He's live. He's in the car! Whose car?
Starting point is 01:23:27 It's Jack's. I love how he said he's not looking. No blue cars. No purple ones. We're not looking for purple cars. I'll stop that commentary. It's all purple. What about a purple bike helmet?
Starting point is 01:23:38 No. If the person's off a bike. Oh, purple do-rag hat. That counts. That counts, right? Oh, yeah. That's a big one. He gets a special car made. Oh, purple do-rag hat. That counts. That counts, right? Oh, yeah. That's a big one. He gets a special garment.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Dude, look at him peering. Peering hard. Oh, this is good-ass content. Oh, yeah. Look at him. Someone is calling the cops on him today. Look at him. Clemmer gets killed.
Starting point is 01:24:01 Oh, this is the best content Barstool's ever put out. Look. The neck. Watch him observe. He's looking so close. This is not the area. Say I'm a woman wearing a purple hat and he's leering at me and he tries to explain it. I would never believe him in a million years.
Starting point is 01:24:22 Oh, you're just out looking for purple hats? No. I don't think so pervert it's a really thin man peering outside of my building nice hat look he wants to eat some hats he needs like a popemobile like a little bubble in the top of the car like a turret this is is Meerkat-esque. Yes. Oh, dude, he has Meerkat features. Yes. The way he's looking is so funny.
Starting point is 01:24:54 The merch would be incredible. It would be a purple hat on a shirt. He's just staring so hard. He's moving so fast. All right. It's heating up down here Oh, yeah, wait wait look where do we think? Oh my god, oh my god, we think he's got one you might have one No way. All right.
Starting point is 01:25:31 I'm going to try to pull a bar tool. You have purple on your hat. I just wanted – you can see your hat. Do you have a purple hat? Is it a purple hat you think? Nah. Is your hat considered to be purple or not? Yeah!
Starting point is 01:25:47 Pull it up. Pull it up. We want to see it. Get it closer. I want to see the hat. See if you can hold it. Get it closer. Get it closer.
Starting point is 01:25:55 No, get closer. I want to see it. I want to see it. I got to see the hat. They can't hear us. Get it closer to the hat. They can't hear us. Sell the hat.
Starting point is 01:26:02 Sell the hat. Go next to the hat. This is really good content. Oh, my God. And he's got Illinois done. But is this purple? Yeah, that's purple. That's purple.
Starting point is 01:26:11 That's purple. Oh, yeah, that's purple. Purple hat. That's purple. Purple hat. Purple hat. Wait, that was like 10 minutes. Yeah, see? It's easier than anything.
Starting point is 01:26:23 Oh, the country will rally behind us. Oh, hell yeah. I would watch 49 more episodes of this. I know. Easily. Why is my heart pounding? That was proof of concept right there. Can we get this sold before he gets back?
Starting point is 01:26:39 Whoa. That was as purple as it gets. We need him to pitch it to Dave ASAP. Yeah. How did he see that? Oh, man. We just found the next big franchise. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:26:54 One man, 50 purple hats. Just the way he looks. Yeah, and he's hunting for... Everybody says, why? Brands, purple logos, Taco Bell. Yeah. Twitch, Cadbury. Ooh, Twitch hats.
Starting point is 01:27:09 You could get that. Yeah. You could send Clemmer to middle schools. Or you could just go to Taco Bell. Milka, the chocolate bars the Blutmans love. Huge. Hmm. I don't know what...
Starting point is 01:27:21 Uniform doesn't count. Yeah, I don't know what's to come out. To talk about. Without... Like, that was so exciting when's episode 2 come out it has to soon like he can go to Indiana
Starting point is 01:27:31 right now Wisconsin yeah Milwaukee he could knock out three states today if he really easily
Starting point is 01:27:37 he could do four yeah that's what I'm saying I wonder what like the fastest time possible he could if he had started Milwaukee
Starting point is 01:27:42 done Chicago and then gone to Indiana and then Michigan, he'd just go right around. And that would be electric. I might finance this myself. Yeah. I don't know what it's going to take.
Starting point is 01:27:51 And I might never put it out. I might just watch it myself. It's like that Wu-Tang record that the pharma bro bought. Yeah. This might just be for us. Fuck. I think it's two weeks possible no what's the what is the record do we know uh i think i think the record's done and a half yeah no way a month and a half last time i looked yeah to do the whole country to do purple hat purple hat oh i'm an idiot um
Starting point is 01:28:24 i don't yes i don't know if two weeks it'd be great i think three months we should maybe give To do Purple Hat. Purple Hat. Oh, I'm an idiot. I don't know if two weeks. It'd be great to... I think three months. We should maybe give him a budget, and then he'll pay the person like 500 bucks to keep the hat. Oh, if he comes home with... So then we get the map of the Purple Hats of America? Oh, if we get a map...
Starting point is 01:28:40 Yeah, with little hooks on each. Yeah, you're like, oh, that's the one I found. The state quarters. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. This just keeps getting better. That would add an awesome wrinkle with negotiating, because certainly one person's going to say no, right?
Starting point is 01:28:53 Yeah, this is my dad's hat, and he's long dead. Yeah. Yeah, he can't. It doesn't count until you've secured the hat, and he's got a certain budget. Whoa, yeah. So he's got a, yeah. So we'll give him.
Starting point is 01:29:03 Yeah, because that would be very interesting to try to just go up to someone and be like, I want that hat. And we give him five grand. He's gone through like 48 states and he's only got like 50 bucks left. Oh, that would be so good. Then he has to like assault someone for the hat once he's out of the budget. His Georgia purple hat cost him like two grand. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:24 Blew the whole budget. He just got tired of being in Georgia. Yeah, suck dick Georgia purple hat cost him like two grand. Yeah. Blew the whole budget. He just got tired of being in Georgia. Yeah, suck dick for purple hat. He could go on the weekends, every weekend to a new state. Yeah. That'd be incredible. Living in New York, he could easily knock out like ten states
Starting point is 01:29:39 in a couple weekends. No. Okay, yeah. New York, New Jersey, Philly, Connecticut. I'm thinking he could get 10 in a day. In the North of England? Like, even in the whole East. Yeah. I'd agree. It'd be just a road trip.
Starting point is 01:29:51 Yeah. He could get Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, PA today alone. I would be glued. Wow.
Starting point is 01:30:02 He has no idea what just happened. His life has changed forever It's the purple hat man Yeah There's He can't say no to this now Right?
Starting point is 01:30:12 I mean The proof of concept's there Yeah I genuinely clapped And was excited when he found it Yeah He was excited And it could just be
Starting point is 01:30:19 It doesn't have to all be live It could just be videos that he releases I want a really high budget intro Yeah My name's chris klemer all the money on the internet and i'm out to do the impossible i don't know what he sounds like a little kermit the frog yeah that's just that's yeah we could bet too on the states like how long it will take them oh yeah awesome that touches down what about with certain purple hats like he gets
Starting point is 01:30:45 some kind of bonus like a purple beret like certain rare hats get a certain hats yeah and get them extra money or extra yeah no well no duplicates is part of the rule that's right so no duplicates no uniforms right uh helmet only if it's off a bike yep it's yeah wow he's got to do he has to do this now yeah yeah a visor does not count does it i think it counts it's got to be very purple okay yeah the visor's got to be predominantly purple like in your face whoa purple okay i think you mean i even wanted to kind of challenge the last one. I didn't want to say anything. The rainbow was all purple. Yeah, I think the fact that it was a purple logo.
Starting point is 01:31:30 I don't know if it was 51, though. It was a 51. Logo and the top. Yeah, and the bill. So that's close. And then I bet you the back strap. These are just things we need to hash out. But if you saw that hat, you'd be like, that's purple.
Starting point is 01:31:42 It's definitely a purple hat. Guy in the purple hat. Yeah. Black hat. It was very black. I'd say a guy in the black hat, you'd be like, that's purple. It's definitely a purple hat. Guy in the purple hat. Yeah. Black hat. I'd say a guy in the black hat with the purple on it. I wouldn't. Purple to him?
Starting point is 01:31:50 Don't tell me it was purple accent. See, look, we're talking about this debate. Can you pull up the, can you pull up the close, zoom in on the hat? Let's find the model hat online. The whole brim was purple.
Starting point is 01:31:59 I know. No, but the brim. But was it 51%? But the hat, the brim was purple, not the hat. Exactly. You would say that's a purple hat. All right, so let's call it the hunt for purple but the brim. But was it 51%? But the hat. The brim was purple, not the hat. Exactly. You would say that's a purple
Starting point is 01:32:06 hat. Alright, so let's call it the hunt for purple hats or brims. Or we could call it the color purple. I like that. Yeah. I don't know if that was a purple hat. We've got to find out what that hat was. It was a black hat with a purple brim. There was a purple logo.
Starting point is 01:32:23 The black hat with the purple logo. Sure, there was purple in it a black hat. Yeah, but there was a purple logo. Right, and that's what it was. The black hat with the purple logo. Sure, there was purple in it. It's a purple hat. Is Nick's hat red? So, no. No. Not even close. It's red and blue.
Starting point is 01:32:38 Yeah, that's what it was. I would say, if I was like... Is that a red hat? If it had a big red logo right here... Oh, you're right. That's not a red hat. That's a blue hat. If that guy robbed you and you were describing it to the cops, you'd say the guy in the black
Starting point is 01:32:49 hat with the purple brim. I wouldn't say. Right. I would say the black and purple hat. A guy like me. Fuck. To each their own. Fuck.
Starting point is 01:32:59 But if you bought it online, it would be under purple. Look at what he's done. He's a creative genius. I don't know. We are. It's the people we're talking. These at what he's done. He's a creative genius. I don't know. We are... These are the kind of controversial... That's a very black hat. That's a small bill too.
Starting point is 01:33:14 That's a small bill. It's a shallow bill. That's a black hat. The logo's purple too. Take off your headphones real quick. We're talking about the majority purple. Is the top pinned? Is that?
Starting point is 01:33:27 Surface area. That's red. That's the same thing. What Nick has going on is the exact same thing. I'm at a 46% purple. Well, that's what we should do. When he gets back, we'll ask him what color is Nick's hat. If you had to pick one.
Starting point is 01:33:41 Oh, yeah. He's going to know. He's smarter than that. For the sake of competition, though, I think that... Are we just going full purple? That's going to be tough. But that's the...
Starting point is 01:33:55 If episode one were just... That was a given. You didn't even get out of the car. DQing him here, though, might stifle his creative urges. MightQing him here, though, might stifle his creative urges. Might make him hungrier, though. Let's tell him it's purple. Hey!
Starting point is 01:34:11 Oh, no. Oh, no. Clemmer. Yeah. Great job. Incredible. If you had to pick one color, what color is Nick's hat? Red. Yeah, he knew. He's smart.
Starting point is 01:34:27 There's more purple on that hat. So I asked the gentleman, I said, what color do you think your hat is? I don't know if you guys can hear me. He said purple. Okay, that helps. That does help your case. What do you think? I mean, this is thrilling. I think we found something. It was super exciting. If nothing else, we could just put this picture out
Starting point is 01:34:44 from the main Barstow account and say, is this hat purple or black? Oh, yeah. That's fine. That'll do numbers. Flopman, tweet that. I'm actually curious. What color is this hat? Purple or black? Eddie, the gentleman,
Starting point is 01:35:00 said it was purple. So we thought the other wrinkle would be that you have a certain budget and you have to buy the hat off the person. Clemmer, you have to do it. So we want a mural. Clemmer, look at me. Look at me.
Starting point is 01:35:13 Look at me. We joke around on the show. Yeah, yeah. This is not a fucking joke. You have to do this. If it gets sponsored, I would do this. Sure. We already saw it.
Starting point is 01:35:19 I'll start doing it in different states. Sure. When I go back home to New York, I'll do it. We have a high six-figure deal from talkies. Oh, wow, yeah. And 1,000%. Of course. Of course.
Starting point is 01:35:29 But I think if we have the map of the U.S. right behind Kate with hooks, and then you bring back a hat and it's very victorious, you hang it up. Because I bought it from the gentleman. Yes, do a hat. Yeah, no, of course, 100%. I think this is a really good idea. I think it is, too. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:47 Yeah, as long as I don't need to do it all at once. I can do it in stages. Of course, you could do weekend. There's some easy states. Yes. Yeah. Now, you guys were saying, does every hat have to be... So, if I get a Rockies hat from someone in Colorado... I'm going to Denver.
Starting point is 01:35:58 I won Rockies. No dupes. I cannot... Now, can I do another Rockies hat that's not the exact same? You know what I mean? No more Rockies. So, one's a Rockies hat that's Not the exact same You know what I mean No more Rockies So once the Rockies Like one brand One per brand
Starting point is 01:36:08 One Ravens hat I think the strategy Would be to try not to Find a Rockies hat in Colorado Yeah Yeah Yeah right Right right
Starting point is 01:36:16 Yeah Yeah Alright yeah No I will start Collecting hats Starting today Do you want to go back And buy that guy's hat
Starting point is 01:36:24 I don't know if I have Time to hats starting today. Do you want to go back and buy that guy's hat? I don't know if I have time to do that today. You'll find another one. That took you 10 minutes. It didn't take me long, no. It helped driving. Jack McCartney did a good job driving, stopping me when I yelled at him to stop.
Starting point is 01:36:37 You were locked in, yeah. Oh, yeah. Was it fun? Yeah. It was a little, you know what it was like? Or Where's Waldo? Sure. It felt a lot like that. I couldn't imagine why. Yeah. But it felt a lot like that. I couldn't imagine why.
Starting point is 01:36:46 But it felt a bit like that same sensation when you find him. Well, you're searching for him. Yeah, of course. Yes. I'm tracking. Pretty good metaphor. Same excitement. I'm trying to relate the search.
Starting point is 01:37:00 All right, serious. I'm pissed. Hide and seek. It's like a treasure hunt almost. Yeah, yeah. Huh. Yeah. It's like the hidden pictures in'm pissed. Hide and seek. It's like a treasure hunt almost. Yeah, yeah. Huh. Yeah. It's like the hidden pictures in a Hallmark magazine.
Starting point is 01:37:08 You guys should be very impressed with me, I think. I am. That was quick. That was quick. It was awesome. All right, good. You found an almost purple hat. And you went up the car.
Starting point is 01:37:16 Okay. And Eddie, you made a friend. I don't know if he was my friend. I don't know. He seemed more bewildered and confused, which is, you know, not a bizarre, not an unusual reaction. So take yourself back to that position you're in, talking to Eddie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:31 Now you have to negotiate the hat off of him. How do you think you can pull that off? Yeah, I mean, I did sales for 20 years. All right. Yellow pages. KB's Eddie. Try to get his hat. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:42 I love your hat. If I gave you $30, could I have that hat? Cash right now? This means a lot to me. Oh, really? Oh, I understand that. How much are you willing to give it up for? I'll give you...
Starting point is 01:37:53 What about those Packers shoes? I need my shoes, but I'll give you cash right now. I don't know, man. This hat's important. What's your price? It's my grandfather's. Oh, all right. I can see it means a lot
Starting point is 01:38:05 alright I understand that for sure so what are you thinking what's a good price for you a fair price $400 how about I give you
Starting point is 01:38:10 $200 right now deal oh shit alright that would work wow wow that was good
Starting point is 01:38:18 you gotta listen to the customer acknowledge their objection so he said grandfather and you say grandfather back because you're saying alright I understand your problem I hear your problem
Starting point is 01:38:27 That way you build a bond Holy shit And you get a price Okay you do me now About 50% asking I got a purple hat You have a purple hat Yeah
Starting point is 01:38:33 Okay I like to buy this hat I like to Are you Chris Clemmer From Barstool Sports I am I am yeah Thank you
Starting point is 01:38:41 I'll tell you what I'll give you this hat But I need a meeting With Dave Portnoy I don't know if I can do that But I could You know him I do know His phone number I am. I am. Yeah, thank you. I'll tell you what. I'll give you this hat, but I need a meeting with Dave Portnoy. I don't know if I can do that, but I could. You know him. I do know him.
Starting point is 01:38:49 His phone number? Let's call him right now. I'm super busy. Can we call him right now? I don't know if he'd take my call, but you know who would? Do you know Dan Cat? No, I don't. That guy sucks. No, no.
Starting point is 01:38:56 People like him. He's very great. No, that guy fucks. He might even win best captain. No, people seem to enjoy him. I want Dave Portnoy on the phone right now. I don't really even pick up my call. Is there anybody else you like at Barstool? I can't give you my hat. I want Dave Portnoy on the phone right now. I don't really even pick up my call. Is there any bail if you like him, Barstool?
Starting point is 01:39:05 I can't give you my hat. I want Dave Portnoy on the phone. I know you have his number. I don't know if you didn't pick up my call, to be honest with you, sir. I do love your hat very much. Well, you won't know unless you try. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 01:39:17 So would you really? I'll tell you what. Would you do $200? If you FaceTime Dave Portnoy right now. Quite a budget. If you FaceTime Dave Portnoy right now and he doesn't pick up, I'll still give you the hat. Okay, we can do that.
Starting point is 01:39:28 Okay, so let's do it. I don't think he's going to pick up. I'd say that. I'd give you the hat even if he doesn't pick up. I'm going to call Dave. I'll call Dave. Clemmer, you're the best. We know.
Starting point is 01:39:41 Oh, you really do? Yes, yes. All right, I'll try. I'll try. You want this hat or no I'll try He's gonna be annoyed He just said last week
Starting point is 01:39:49 He didn't like me So that's good I did My contract's up next month This is good timing for me Well you have a brand new Content idea Yeah
Starting point is 01:39:57 The hat thing You can't be let go When you're in the middle of this Yeah it's true Well That's true Alright I don't know if he
Starting point is 01:40:05 i can do the facetime apparently should i try to do the facetime here yeah ready 1100 votes 52 purple yes oh let's go thank you we're yaks pro climber crowd yes yeah um do you really want me to facetime dave i can if you want yeah just give it a try it's fine It's fine Put it up to Probably gonna get unemployed In a month anyway I'm gonna be able to run down
Starting point is 01:40:28 I'll explain it to him In 20 minutes Put it up to You're not gonna get in trouble He's not picking up Ah shit Can you hear it ringing Yeah
Starting point is 01:40:43 Alright well you know what I promised you the hat So here's the hat Thank you sir I appreciate that Yes you tried it ringing? Yeah Alright well you know what I promised you the hat So here's the hat Thank you sir I appreciate that Yes you tried I did try Yeah
Starting point is 01:40:48 It would have been great If you picked up It would have been great You tried You tried You get the hat Oh but it's the same one You got from Kyle
Starting point is 01:40:54 Oh Son of a bitch Shit I'm waiting for the text From Dave Leave me alone Or something to that extent No I'll tell him
Starting point is 01:41:04 That we were You were on the act today Don't worry He doesn't hate you for the text from Dave leave me alone or something. No I'll tell him that we were you were on the act today. Don't worry. He doesn't hate you. He said he didn't like me. He didn't say he
Starting point is 01:41:10 hated me. He said he didn't like me on last week's unnamed show. But when he's like considering me for surviving Barstool I
Starting point is 01:41:14 don't like Climber but. What was the yeah what was the. He's like I he's like if I had Climber on surviving Barstool he's hard
Starting point is 01:41:20 headed and he'll get into a fight with someone so it might be good content. Yeah that's. Which I would give I would love I've loved Survivor since day one like 2000 like i've been watching it i love survivor so much that's like my ultimate dream to do that show you also have
Starting point is 01:41:31 deep notes who you are and has an opinion on you that's good oh of course would you be bombed if you're not invited no i mean you i mean no i've been in the company two years like i would be thankful if i was invited you can't be upset if you're not that's just can't look at things like that wait has he reached out to you no oh no he just simply brought me up in a name show last I would be thankful if I was invited. You can't be upset if you're not. You can't look at things like that. Wait, has he reached out to you? No. Oh. No.
Starting point is 01:41:48 He just simply brought me up in a name show last week. Got it. When he heard that, I was shocked. Yeah. It's a pretty big company. You know, pretty new, pretty low on the totem pole. Clemmer, what do you think about Kirk's basketball team? We're going to play them next week.
Starting point is 01:42:02 Oh. Oh, is that officially happening? New York versus Kirk. Monday. Obviously not today. A week from today. Oh, you think you're going to win? I know we're going to win.
Starting point is 01:42:11 I know we're going to win by double digits. Coleman said he's going to break Dana's jaw. We'll see how that goes. Yeah. Jeff, you always say to me. Who's your starting five? Are you going to have Mulcahy out there? Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:42:26 I think Mulcahy. He's really good. Mulcahy's really good, and Hubs is pretty good. And I think those two can – Beanbag Ron is awesome, and Kirk's awesome. So I think that might neutralize those two to some extent. But they have no one who can guard Dana, Billy, and Marty. What about – what if Mick somehow is more than 33% health-wise? So Mick will play four minutes? I'm just saying.
Starting point is 01:42:49 As opposed to two? I'm not too worried about Mick. I'm not too worried. I know Mick said he's the best basketball player on the team, which is just insane. Well, he's been dealing with health issues. He has Crohn's disease. Where are you guys playing?
Starting point is 01:43:00 Berlin, Connecticut. Oh, nice. Meet in the middle. I like it. I don't know how you missed. I think we're all right. The angle. Dude, it's breathtaking.
Starting point is 01:43:14 You know what's funny, though? If he's in the paint, he's pretty good. I was coaching him up a little bit last week. And when he's in the paint, he's good. When he does that, it's insane. The physics of that shot do not make sense. It's crazy. I he does that, it's insane. The physics of that shot do not make sense. It's crazy. It's crazy.
Starting point is 01:43:28 I'm excited for that game. I mean, their team, I'm obsessed with their team. Every game is must-watch for me. Their announcers are incredible. Yep. I'm right there with you. I'm watching. The second it's on, I stop early in my house.
Starting point is 01:43:39 Everything. It's must-watch. Yeah. What happens if they beat you? Yeah, I would be absolutely demoralized. It would be really rough. I don't see how it's possible. It may be the greatest upset in sports. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:52 Easily. Is there anything at stake or it's just shame? Shame. A lot of shame. If we lose, that is a tremendous. Well, I think Kirk also wants to harden his guys. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:01 Excellent. Because I think they already got one. Trying to get a playoff spot, which I think they already got one, right? There's like a winner's bracket and I think the gold's bracket and the silver bracket. But I think that Kirk's team can win a couple games. Yeah. They're getting better. They're out of gas.
Starting point is 01:44:17 Right. But what could happen? The first game, they were up in the first quarter and lost. Second game, they were up at the half and lost. Like, if they can just improve their conditioning, they're going to win some games. I have a lot of confidence in them. Just not against us. Alright, well, Clemmer, it's been
Starting point is 01:44:32 a joy having you here. Thank you, guys. We'll spin the wheel. Purple hat is a hit. So I'll be back for the dozen when I come back. I'm going to have a purple hat in my possession. One? At least one. I think we I'm going to have a purple hat in my possession One? At least one I think we've got to make this a real show
Starting point is 01:44:48 I want this bad No joke, we were on the edge of our seat excited laughing I promise I'll be bringing back at least one Purple hat in two weeks At least one, that's fair At least three I don't know if that would be possible Connecticut, right?
Starting point is 01:45:04 I don't know, well, I will be going to K I'll look around, I don't know if I would be possible. Connecticut, right? I don't know. Well, I will be going to K. I'll look around. I don't know if I'll have enough time to. New York, New Jersey, and then do Illinois. Well, I'm going to Illinois the second I get off this show. I'm going to start doing Illinois. Okay, there we go. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:18 Are we counting the one he found today? I have to buy it. I have to buy it. That was a proof of concept. And the has to be purple. For sales. But we also have to negotiate what kind of budget I have for this. So He has to buy it. That was a proof of concept. And the hat has to be purple. For sales. But we also have to negotiate what kind of budget I have
Starting point is 01:45:27 for this so I know how much to offer you these hats. Well, we gotta get the sponsorship. We have to get the sponsor. So until I have that, it's hard for me
Starting point is 01:45:32 to start buying these hats. Yeah. We gotta find a sponsor. Yeah, gotta find a sponsor. Alright, let's spin the wheel. Everyone, please vote. We're gonna do a case race if I win Captain of the Year.
Starting point is 01:45:43 I think the voting ends at 7 p.m. tonight. You're a high energy guy. What about something like a product that gets you caffeinated as shit? If everyone please vote We're going to do a case race If I win captain of the year I think the voting ends At 7pm tonight You're a high energy guy What about something Like a product That gets you caffeinated As shit Sure
Starting point is 01:45:50 Absolutely That cold brew looks good Yeah Yeah What about women's feminine care Keep a lookout for your PH Ooh Purple hat
Starting point is 01:45:59 Yeah OB Thank you so much For having me guys Yes Thank you everyone for watching We'll see everyone tomorrow We'll find out if there's a case race tomorrow
Starting point is 01:46:09 Yeah we'll find out if there's a case race Yeah let's do it I want a case race What's the scheduling with I don't know when his rat race is It's sometime this week So maybe Clemmer will be back on Wednesday
Starting point is 01:46:22 Alright see everyone tomorrow. It's the act. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap. It's the act. It's the act. Happy birthday, Kate. See you all tomorrow. TJ's back. Have a great Monday night.
Starting point is 01:47:24 Bye.

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