The Yak - Klemmer's New Purple Hat Series is a Smash Hit | The Yak 6-3-24
Episode Date: June 3, 202451% PurpleYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up.
Hello.
Welcome to the Yak.
You can't take Mook's legs.
You've taken everything else. You can complain about everything, but it's his legs, man.
Let him have his legs.
Let him have his legs.
Give him his legs.
The man has nothing.
Let me have his ham hock.
He has literally nothing.
They've taken his pride, his confidence, his heart and soul, and now they're coming for your legs, dude. Let me have his ham hot. He has literally nothing. They've taken his pride, his confidence, his heart
and soul, and now they're coming for your legs.
Let me keep my fucking legs.
There we go. Oh, God. Never mind.
Yeah, I get it. Speaking of legs,
rowback.com. I'm wearing rowback
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The most comfortable joggers in the world.
If you're someone who doesn't like to show their legs, like
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purchase q-zips polos hoodies joggers shorts rowback.com so mook they're going after your
legs they're going after my legs someone said they don't want to see my little uh ginger hole
apparently my hole was out uh during one of the clips well that your wait your hole your hole in
your legs are different i don't want to see your hole.
Yeah, no.
Wait a minute.
We were just on your side,
and now you said...
You're talking about your dick hole?
Yeah, like they were up in here.
I saw your booty butthole.
Mook is incredible at this,
where it's like he could say something,
and I'm like, you know what?
People are being, you know, mean to you,
and then he continues his sentence.
I'm like, wait, no.
They're right.
They're right.
Yeah, they're correct.
I don't want to see your fucking hole. No, legs are very uh unpleasant so i understand they're just bright
but so are mine but i but you talk i listen to the comments yeah the thing is people don't realize
that uh our listeners who are great our fans the yak fans are actually the most attractive people
in the world oh yeah i knew that all of them are tens i saw one nine
and i told him they couldn't listen anymore it's like hank when he beats himself up about golf
he's like all the comments i'm like dude everyone sucks at golf yeah yeah unless like ricky fowler
is commenting people would be pissed if he's good right fuck up oh wow hank's taking a vacation
yeah he's too good at golf. Yeah.
He'll never be too good at anything.
What are your thoughts on being called a tryhard?
There's this one guy in the comments who calls me a tryhard all the time.
Oh, really?
I think that's kind of a compliment.
Wait, you're trying?
This is my job.
You're trying right now?
Yeah.
It depends on the setting.
Wouldn't call my doctor one.
No.
Or my barber.
Oh, I might call my barber one.
Barbers can try too hard.
Get off my fucking forehead.
Yeah, bitch.
Don't shave my forehead.
Get off my fucking forehead.
Yeah, how did that become an insult?
The try hard.
Yeah, what a try hard.
Yeah, thank you.
Well, I think it's like an elementary school thing.
Like, the try hard did suck then.
That's true.
Try hards do suck, but I'm just trying to, like...
Did you try hard this morning on Mostly Sports?
No.
Connor Griffin did.
Okay.
But, like, you...
Did I actually try hard, or was I a try-hard?
Did you actually try hard?
Yeah, I tried hard.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I tried hard.
Right, you care about your job.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'll pre-write
but i don't want soliloquy and try to make it come across as off the top but that's trying too hard
but is it no i don't think so those are always very funny and that's our job oh yeah start like
that i'll keep doing it you start doing like a random rap from like 1995 i i guess yeah that's
a compliment yeah i'm gonna take the criticism to heart and stop trying. Every time the camera's off me on this show, I'm on Wikipedia looking up shit.
You too?
Oh, yeah.
I'm always Googling.
We should do an entire week of not trying at all and see what people think.
Try nothing.
I think there's already a show that does that.
I think that's already a niche.
What is that geometric sandwich?
This?
What are you giving them?
Our boy Kevin, Yak fan, sent us in all custom coasters.
Oh.
Oh, that's not a sandwich.
No.
Oh, yeah.
But I wish it was.
I mean, yeah.
But this one says Piper Jones.
Oh.
Kevin.
Which Kevin is this?
It might be Kevin.
From Oregon?
I think it's Portland Kevin.
Oh, yeah.
He's the best.
We got the paws.
Oh, nice. I miss Zah. He's coming back soon, I think. Tit Portland, Kevin. Oh, yeah. He's the best. We got the Paw-Zaw. Oh, nice.
I miss Zaw.
He's coming back soon, I think.
Titus, is this your dog?
That's my dog.
How does he know?
How does he know?
Is this accessible for him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Holy shit.
He's very famous.
The most ball-known dog out there.
We got Cool Brandon with Mississippi State Bulldog.
This is very nice.
Oh, my God.
I think that's for Connor.
This one's for Connor Griffin.
Yeah.
I love Olivia Rodrigo.
Got one for everybody.
Hot-ass TJ before he gained.5 pounds back.
He did.
Gross.
You can see it all.
Yeah.
Oh, that's me.
Nice.
Love it.
This is pretty cool.
Kate, I'll pretend like I got her this for her birthday.
Wait, does every single one say you're my favorite member of the app?
I believe so.
That's what mine says.
That's a really nice touch.
Oh, what?
That's a really nice touch.
Evan's actually told me that, though.
You're going to be jealous of mine, though.
Oh, what is that?
Simon Birch.
That's Simon Birch.
Simon Birch.
And we got one of just a really realistic photo of Mook.
Wait, does Mook say that too?
Wait.
No, it says you're a member of the Yak.
Oh!
It actually does!
Oh, my God!
He's a man.
Look at me!
Oh, no!
You're a member?
Yeah, and you should be proud of that.
I'm actually happy.
I'm actually fine with that.
Wait, is Don, Brandon, yeah, all you're my favorite member of the Yak? No way. And it says you're, Brandon, yeah, you're my favorite member of the app.
No way.
And it says you're a member of the app.
You're a member of the app.
Way to go, Kevin.
Kevin.
Good shit, Kevin.
Oh, that's incredible.
I played Kevin.
Well played.
Wait, Zod's back.
Oh, shit.
Oh, back, Zod.
Zod, were you not going to say anything when I said I missed you?
No, I waved.
That was on.
Oh.
I waved.
Oh, I thought you were fucking with everyone.
I thought the TV was.
Oh, I didn't see him.
Zah, that must have been a great moment where I was just like, I expressed my deep feelings
of missing you and you were just there.
Yeah, my legs tingled a little bit.
Shit.
My legs tingled a little bit.
We should have kept on going with it.
Yeah, I thought you were playing for the show.
No, I didn't.
I didn't realize he was back.
I miss Zah.
Zah, what's up?
How you doing, guys?
Good?
I didn't see him, I'm going to be honest.
Hey, Zah.
Tell us everything. Oh, God. It's a lot How you doing, guys? I didn't see him, I'm going to be honest. Hey, Zah. Tell us everything.
Oh, God, it's a lot.
It was good, man.
Good to see the family.
Was back home for, what, two or something weeks.
And it was awesome, man.
It was good.
Was it predictable and familiar, or did anything shock you?
Nah, man.
Well, the more things change, the more things stay the same.
So there are changes, but the core is the same.
That doesn't make sense?
It doesn't make a lick of sense.
The more things change, the more they stay the same?
Yep.
I think that makes sense.
Then they don't change.
That's like...
It's a paradox.
I would say things stay the same more if they stay the same.
Yeah.
A guy like me.
Yeah, but the world has changed.
It's always ever changed.
Here's a good example.
The world has changed a lot's always ever changed. Here's a good example.
The world has changed a lot in the last however many years.
But then we had the Oilers fan and it was like boobies. Boobies.
So like the world has changed.
Us white guys don't really get a lot of say anymore.
But then we see boobies and we're like, yeah.
Boobs stay the same.
Yeah.
That's us.
So if the saying is the more things change, the more boobs stay the same.
Then yeah.
The love of boobs.
Yeah.
The appreciation.
No matter what tech comes out, I'm going to love me a set.
I also was saying on PMT, but I think you guys probably agree with this.
There's something very different.
Like the internet is an incredible place.
You can find porn.
You can find any kind of fetish, all this stuff. But there's something just so different about the natural is an incredible place you can find porn you can find any kind of fetish all this stuff but there's something just so
different about the natural in the wild yeah it's like when a bar plays a song
in your saved library yeah yeah yeah you won't necessarily play it yourself but
if someone else plays it yeah it's hard yeah but it's dress it's just something
special because if you wanted to see titties
You could do that all day
You could google boobs
It's where you see titties that you don't expect
Unexpected titties
And Stephen Che we found out
Is not a tit guy or gay
Because he had not seen them until
Like five minutes ago
On Jake Malasek's computer
And you didn't
What were they doing on Malasek's computer. And you didn't. What were they doing on Malasek?
Wait, what?
Yeah, how did they get there?
The screen set.
He got hacked?
No, he did that.
That's ultimate projecting.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, he basically, he wrote it down before he came to work today.
He's like, all right, now I have something to talk about with the fellas.
You guys see these tits?
They're fucking amazing and suckable.
He's sitting front row in the gambling cave.
What I would like to do to put my hot dog between those two.
With my cock on her nipple, she'd be screaming.
All right, Malasek.
Yeah, Jake.
All right, Jake.
Can we quote card Jake Malasek with that?
I'd love to put my penis hole directly on her nipple.
Oh, my God.
Penis hole. Yeah. It's like a battery. on her nipple. Oh my God. She... My penis.
Yeah.
It's like a battery.
Just get her going.
Treat her areola like a rotary phone.
But yes,
Steven did not see them
which is almost impossible.
Your algorithm.
You must...
He's not a tick guy.
I wasn't on Twitter
much last night. I was moving this weekend. We got internet set guy. I wasn't on Twitter much last night.
I was moving this weekend.
We got internet set up.
The only thing I looked at last night was WNBA scores.
You can't.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, heavens.
For the ladies.
It's worse than I thought.
Jesus.
Diana Taurasi putting up 31.
You know what, though, Steven?
You are the type of WNBA fan I appreciate.
You don't even care about the other stuff that every Caitlin Clark games becomes a political discourse games becomes a uh political discourse you're just there for the for the hoops i'm there
for the stats man yeah right i i used your stats i used your take in an uber this weekend i had a
driver that was like kind of baiting me into being like what's going on with caitlin clark and i was
like there's just a bunch of new fans here now it's exhausting they don't know ball they're
ruining the sport i love and when i say i love i mean i would bet on it in the summer and not watch yeah but they're ruining that they're just coming
in with all this extra shit yeah it's a lot just basketball are people trying to act like it's
anything more confusing than bitches being jealous and no i mean they are they're jealous as
fuck that's just what it is it's fine yeah it is yeah And that happens In pretty much every sport Yeah it happens With men too
Yeah
Yeah
Jealous
Jealous
Jealous as fuck
We got off tits
Oh yeah we did
Shit
Let's get back
Was she bare chested
Under a hockey sweater
Uncomfortable if so
Can we pull that up
Stephanie
TJ's out
We can do whatever we want
Stephanie got a coaster too Right Oh yeah Just a very professional TJ's out we can do whatever we want
Stephanie got a coaster too right?
oh yeah
just a very professional headshot of Stephanie
you got a coaster of your LinkedIn profile
but she is one of his favorite members
oh nice Stephanie
one of the favorite members
I'm just happy to be here
I can't believe you made it just an alternate one.
Oh, that's so perfect, though.
Yeah.
So perfect.
It's good to be back.
Steven, how was the move?
Not the best, but we're in.
Yeah, I guess.
Where did you go wrong?
That's a bad question.
No one's ever been, like, awesome move.
Yeah, no, it was one of the worst days, but we're over it.
We're on to Monday.
You're rubbing your shoulder. you're baiting us.
What did you fuck up?
They, like, I don't know, estimated wrong.
They had to make several trips, so it was not the best.
One of the worst days.
It was, yeah.
I was actually very frustrated on Friday.
Whoa, show us frustrated.
Show you?
Yeah.
All right.
Did you ball your fist and say, why I oughta?
Oh, man.
Wow.
Yeah, I don't want to be on the receiving end of that.
They must have been shaking in their boots.
Oh, no.
They were shaking in their boots.
He was doing this.
They probably called the manager on themselves
when they saw that face.
Oh, we're in deep shit, aren't we, boys?
Show it to us again.
Frustrated.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Were you verbal at all or just facial?
Yeah, no, I was verbal.
Yeah, it wasn't great.
What, did you yell?
I talked very sternly. Oh, show a a stern talk this is like a new kink what did you say oh yeah um you guys were here yesterday why do we need a
second did you not check the inventory yeah man sorry wow yeah man moving's hard maybe you should
just do it yourself yeah no and i helped a I helped a lot, too, which sucked.
Oh, no, you helped.
So that was the peak of your anger?
Yeah, just frustration all around.
I mean, moving's never, like, super smooth.
They took longer than they said they were going to take?
That's it?
Substantially.
Yeah.
By how many hours?
The guy on the phone told me, like, two to three,
and I was like, there's no point in shot.
Yeah, that's always a lot.
I remember moving, like, ten minutes away, not even.
And, yeah, it was seven.
Wait, so when you yelled at them like you just yelled at us, what did they say back?
A lot of like, well, different crew and, you know, all this shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't the best, but we're here.
We made it through.
Got internet yesterday, so this shit. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't the best, but we're here. We made it through. Got internet yesterday, so feel good.
Okay.
But yeah, not a very online weekend for me.
And I had to miss Pop Punk and Francis' show, which I was pretty bummed about.
Pop Punk was awesome.
So fun.
Yeah, I'm bummed I missed.
Max killed.
Max.
Max killed.
Max.
Max.
Max, come here.
How did you think Pop Punk went?
You have the video of him that I tweeted of him drinking two sodas?
It was so fun.
Once in a lifetime experience that rocked.
So cool.
You could probably do it again.
Nah, I think that was it.
No, you'll definitely do it again.
So it's definitely not once in a lifetime.
But in my current lifetime, that was a once in a lifetime.
Was there a point where you were singing the wrong song?
Someone said that.
No.
Okay.
There was one point where I sang,
so there was like two verses,
and I sang the same lyric for both verses.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Who cares?
No one knows.
That was my only force.
Well, the person next to me knew.
Also, the guy, I told you Mount Joy rocks.
One of the members of Mount Joy hit me up this morning.
He was like, I was listening to PMT.
This is how you save your voice for the next time you do it.
Nice.
So now I'm getting tips.
I'm getting tips from pros.
What was the tip?
He sent me some app about...
I don't know.
It was some app about what to do before and after you sing
wait he sent you an app instead of giving you to automatically download what did he do
well I didn't do anything he just showed me what to do
is this candy crush
I didn't I to be I was like I don't know how often I'm going to be doing this but thank you for the tip
you sang monkey wrench
I did
did anybody mean online call you Dave Roll
oh
I hope not Dave Roll? Oh. I hope not.
Dave Roll of the food fighters.
That's really good.
That's a damn shame.
The food fighters were everywhere.
That's a battle you lose if that was a fight.
Yeah, no, that's fine.
No, I'm fighting against food.
So it's like I'm being healthier against food.
Yeah.
I also told you we had a nice moment when you came off. I'm fighting against food. So it's like I'm being healthier against food. Yeah. Yeah.
I also told you we had a nice moment when you came off.
I was like, you've never looked more like Jason Kelsey in your life.
I know.
That's the best compliment I've ever gotten from anyone in my entire life.
Because you did.
I know.
And then you tagged him, and I looked to see if he liked the tweet.
He didn't like it. He didn't?
Maybe he didn't see it.
Should I tag him again?
No, no, no.
Double tag.
I'll send him.
I'll send him.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it. This is what he does. Hey, bro, did you see this? I'll send him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
This is what he does.
He's like, hey, bro, did you see this?
I should have never said this.
I should have never said this.
Stop.
This could help you tremendously.
I don't want you to do this.
You're embarrassing me.
Max, you were, like, super nervous, right?
Oh, yeah.
Very nervous.
Well, I'd never listened to the song before last week.
Oh.
Because PFT and I were talking about, about like what would be something funny that like i
could do that would be like kind of a story and people say that i look like a fat dave girl often
online so i was like oh i'll do a foo fighter song and he was like i want you to do this one i was
like i've never heard this and i was like but i'm but i'm really monkey wrench no i'd never heard it
wow that's crazy yeah but i learned it, and it was good. You had energy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's all it is.
It was a lot of screaming.
So what was the feeling after Triumphant?
Oh, I'm still riding off of the hump.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Like, having the crowd just chant your name like that
after you feel like you just crushed a performance
was something that I'll...
Like, I couldn't imagine feeling something.
It probably does feel good.
Look at him.
Him doing the two sodas.
He just looks like such a beast.
So many people asked if I planted that guy there
to give me those two sodas.
It was a very proud dad moment.
I was like, that's my guy.
He's so strong.
Let's fucking go!
Let's fucking go right now!
Just got to play to the crowd Yeah
Yeah alright
Alright thanks for having me
Nice job
I'll let you know what Jason says
Stop it
That'd be cool though
If he said something
He'd probably say something
Yeah just be like
Hey can you just
Gas up my boy
Yeah the pop punk was awesome though
Yeah
I showed up after
So don't say yeah like that
No I'm jealous
And
Roan's the coolest guy
He's the best
Were you there?
I showed up after
I had the short stops
Extendo and The Wind
My girlfriend's family plus
Was in Chicago
Short
So I'd entertain the parents
Wait short stop Shorty's extended family Was in The Windy City Family Plus was in Chicago. Short. So I'd entertain the parents.
Wait, shortstop.
Shorty's extended family was in the Windy City.
Try hard.
You fucking try hard.
Yeah, yeah, I prepped that.
Shortstop Extendo?
Shortstop's Extendo was in the wind.
In the gust.
Does anybody call Chicago the gust?
Me. I'm in. We're in? Yeah. I'm Chicago the gust? Me.
I'm in.
We're in?
Yeah.
I'm to the gust.
When's the last time you were in the gust?
You did a show in the gust?
That's sick.
You didn't hit me up when you were in the gust? I didn't hit you.
In the gust?
Nobody knew you.
Shortstop's Extendo in the wind.
Fuck.
The 1 a.m. crowd is the best because you have no conversational expectations
right everyone's in there get there they're like when'd you get here 10 minutes ago and they're
like 10 minutes let's talk about that yeah it's it's easy yeah 10 minutes everyone's already drunk
wasted just easy just uh or on amphetamines yeah yeah. That too, yeah. Easy combos.
Good time.
It was a good time.
They rock.
They're like very, very good.
I've been to shows.
It's insane.
It's better than a concert.
It is a concert.
Shows on weed is the best.
It's better than like a band set because they play the best.
Yeah.
And Steven missed it because he was yelling at movers.
Screaming at them.
So sad.
Damn. That's brutal, dude. dude also mincy crowd surfed oh he went dick down again dick down to start yep he then texted pft
after i think he texted pft and frankie and said that was incredible last night uh what a moment
also the show was good too wait really which is a pretty funny text
if he's joking but but no he's not he's on fire yeah yeah yeah he uh it was the slowest crowd
surf ever he was just like standing there i didn't think he was gonna do it it looked like he was like
negotiating with the crowd yeah 10 minutes yeah i thought he was gonna get stuck in like the middle of the room yeah chucked him back though donnie crowd surf he did yeah
wanton don when oh yeah uh the last song was all the small things this is pretty funny to me um
so pft asked like some of the barstool people that were there to come on stage uh it was basically
just me and donnie i think quiggs was up there with us. White Boy Rick ended up up there too.
So they wanted us all on stage to sing with them for one last goodbye to everybody.
So all the small things start.
The most famous pop punk song of all time.
We're all singing.
Donnie, after the first verse, kind of detaches himself from our little group and jumps into the crowd and is crowd surfing and all that it was it was an awesome moment and we're chanting for donnie and all this
sort of thing after the show i i was like dude that was crazy like what came over you and he was
like i just didn't know the words of the song he goes i was i was brought on stage to sing the song
i didn't i knew he goes i knew the first words because it's all the small things uh-huh yeah
that he's like and then i realized I don't really know the words.
So I was like, fuck it.
I'm just going to jump on the crowd.
Emergency crowd.
I was like, that's why you're a legend, Donnie.
He is.
He had a way better crowd surf than Mincy.
He was going all the way back to the bar.
Oh, yeah.
That's one of his more common forms of transport.
He crowd surfs everywhere.
Donnie killed it. Can I ask a favor of the Yak listeners? of his more common forms of transport yeah he crowd surfs everywhere everywhere yeah donnie
killed it can i ask a favor of uh the yak listeners stephanie i just sent it to you
the captain of the year vote ends tonight oh could you it's you against will yeah could you pin that
he's will's also been very sneaky about it he's he's like finding times that i'm not around to
to post it i can i can tell Oh, you guys are promoting off.
Yeah, but we're in a little bit of a weird promoting off.
I would appreciate everyone vote for me just because I would like to have the power to not have another automatic buy happen.
I think I'm in the running for defensive player of the year.
All right, so let's vote.
A huge honor.
Yeah, let's get Nick.
Steven, are you up for anything?
It's between me and Kyle.
I do not want votes for most of the player. I don't want that.
I want it, dude. You don't want votes for most of the player?
What if this is what tears us apart?
Defensive trivia player. People can vote. I appreciate it.
Yeah, we're in a dead heat.
I'm up for rookie of the year and I don't want it.
Let's get Portnoy the dub. No, stop!
Oh wait, that's not a bad idea.
I love Bossman.
Don't pin it. It's gonna backfire. I knew it was gonna backfire. Never mind. No, no, no. Promise a bad idea. I love boss man. Yeah. All right, so don't pin it.
It's going to backfire.
I knew it was going to backfire.
Never mind, Stefan. No, no, no.
Promise a case race if you win.
I'll promise a case race.
There we go.
There we go.
If I win Cab to the Year, we will do a case race within the next...
Month.
Yes.
Yes.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yes.
Whoa.
Within the next month.
Oh, shit.
Well, I'm going to vote for you right now. Yes. I will too. Yes. Within the next month Month Oh shit Well I'm gonna vote for you right now Yes
Yeah I will too
Yes
Within the next month
You know when we'll probably do it
Is when the dozen is here
Cause we're all gonna be here
That's a great idea
We can tape it then
And it also could give me prep for Beer Olympics
Do we wanna try to reach out to Royal Rumble?
Oh
Yeah we'll have some people here
Oh Dana will be here
Yeah
Okay
Vote for me captain of the year And we'll have some people here. Oh, Dana will be here? Yeah. Okay.
Vote for me, Captain of the Year, and we'll get it done.
There we go.
We'll get it done.
Yeah.
Will's going to be pissed.
But he'll also be in the case race.
Saw the titties again. So he'll be...
Will has to be in the case race because I'm doing beer games.
Yeah, he does.
You're doing beer games at the Olympics.
I guess they... I think Olympics maybe sued them because all the emails and stuff i've seen is just beer games not the case and if i don't win cap of the year i'm not we're not doing a
case it's olympics trademarked yeah i guess oh we'll just change it to the beer nba finals
but i figured olympics have been around long enough to where it's in the public domain.
Yeah.
All right, so this will be great.
So we'll do a case race.
It'll happen within the next two weeks.
We'll have one.
It will be...
If I win cap of the year,
we'll have a case race air
before we go on July 4th.
Beautiful.
Who should the MVP should have been?
Who should I vote?
I don't know.
I just want to win cap for all years. Eddie Dayton MVP should have been? Who should I vote? I don't know. I just want to win captain of the year.
Eddie, Dana.
Eddie's been incredible.
Eddie's, like, fucking awesome.
Yeah, but Dana's stupid.
Yeah.
And I would love to see him win captain of the year.
Most improved, Stephen Che.
I'm going Dana.
Che, why don't you want to win most improved?
That implies that I wasn't good before.
I've been putting up numbers for years.
For years. For years. For years. that implies that I wasn't good before I haven't put up numbers for years for years
but when you finally got all moved in
did you have like a nice beer
or like a nice relax
yeah we did a nice family movie night last night
which was cool
movie night?
yeah
nice
yeah it was cool
do you like the house?
has there been any moments
like because moving in a house
is a scary thing where you like get in there for the first time.
You're like, oh, shit, I don't know if I like this.
The new sounds when you're sleeping.
No, it's been good so far.
OK, good.
Yeah.
When you're looking at the house, everything's great about everything.
The second you you close on it, you just notice everything bad.
You're like, oh, shit.
It's not like you get a chance to sell it back.
Yeah.
Fantasy situation. All right. So everything's good, back. Yeah. It's a fantasy situation.
All right, so everything's good, Stephen.
And did you get a grill or no?
Not yet.
Very soon.
I was supposed to have word on something by Friday.
Longest grill.
I mean, how is...
Okay.
One of my new neighbors works for Weber, so...
Oh.
You already met him?
It's a woman, yes.
Oh, shit.
That's egg on my face.
They have a woman working at a real place?
The fuck?
Wait.
That doesn't make sense.
The Weber headquarters is in Paltown.
Is there like a...
Is she the secretary?
Is there like an indoor grill that i don't know about like an
oven yeah are you sure it's not an oven wait so did you meet you didn't meet her yet i did do you
does she know you work for barstool uh i don't believe so okay why i don't know okay that could
always go 50 50 i did meet someone wearing a barstool shirt
and uh the first thing that's brought up was miss beaches she's a star yeah she is she's the number
one star yep i'm gonna be with dave on friday and saturday we're going to saratoga for some
horse racing how's his mood been since he's just winning giant bets? I think pretty good.
Potentially up how much?
I would be happy.
$7 million.
That sounds pretty chill.
The more things change, man.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Goddamn.
He just keeps winning.
Yeah, I think it's happening at the right time for us because we're no longer owned by another company.
So we're back to like if Dave is flush, we're all flush.
That's right.
Which is a good thing.
I need my contract to be up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is the time.
Yeah.
It is funny because I've given that advice.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, well, well.
I've only resigned during like cold streaks with Dave.
Birthday girl. it is my birthday
birthday
happy birthday
we didn't forget
we have something special for you
Stephanie if you can show
Donnie is right now in the kitchen
I've tasked him
cream chip beef.
Yeah.
Yes.
I sent him.
I said, can you make Kate some cream chip beef for her birthday?
And he just wrote back, ew.
No way.
Are you serious?
He's not having fun.
Look at him.
Yeah.
So we're going to have some cream chip beef today.
Great.
My honest to God, I went on Chicago Food Reddit. I Googled. I called like 15 restaurants that used to have it cream chip beef today great my god i went on chicago food reddit i googled i called
like 15 restaurants that used to have it on their menu nobody here has it and i am like so hungry
right now there we go you're all gonna have you're all gonna have some too oh yeah ah yeah donnie
said he's like do you want me to make some for everyone i was like it could just be cake too
yeah yeah it does look like a disgusting pussy.
What do you eat it on?
I don't even understand that part.
I told them, I was like, should you get chips or something?
No, like extra crispy toast or extra crispy hash browns is the move.
Okay.
Hash browns sounds good.
Ideally.
So that's what you put it on.
But oh my God.
Sorry, thanks.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Happy birthday, guys.
Oh yeah, sorry I'm late.
Anybody want some strong will?
Dude, what is that?
That's the stuff you put on your fingernails so next time you bite your nails, it tastes like shit.
And it ruined my day.
You guys bite nails.
No, I just got it just out of curiosity.
It tastes like a Nintendo Switch cartridge.
Yeah.
The aftertaste is strong, too.
I already did.
It's like in my fucking mouth.
So you could like rub that
on the tip of your vape
or something.
Yeah.
Okay.
It got on my vape
and now I'm just vaping
dog shit.
Let's do something
where somebody has to
suck their finger.
Yeah.
Did you wake up to like
a breakfast
or something like that yeah actually
the beef made pancakes and then him and my four-year-old worked on a big there was a big
poster when i came downstairs oh hell yeah let me sleep in which is nice hell yeah so yeah not
that's not where i was i wasn't sleeping in it's your birthday whatever yeah and you and you're trying out a new style i was waiting for you guys to know
oh nice all right yeah what are those dare i ask what is that what do we got there what
what is stand up what is that hi also i got this shirt at nascar i am a stella blue coffee lady
till i die i didn't realize this was the folgers car that's okay so wait till i turn around okay Also, I got this shirt at NASCAR I am a Stella Blue Coffee lady Until I die
I didn't realize this was the Folgers car
So wait until I turn around
So it's a parachute?
Trash bag
That's a fitted sheet
That's a half of a tent
You have a tent
Oh wow
So that goes
Oh wow, they've goes. Oh, wow.
They've really changed.
Four things.
Oh, I finally did it.
That's exactly it.
Holy shit.
The more they change, the more they stay the same.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah, it looks like you got tangled in a tent on your way out today.
That's what it feels like.
You got tangled up in a tent. You're like, ah like ah fuck I'll get out of work classy yeah is that piece available like on the internet yeah what where did you find well when we were
doing the outfit day a couple Fridays ago and I was in a I think I'm the only one who like
actually really tried and was like did multiple shopping trips and was actually trying to find my style.
What the fuck?
Try hard.
Yeah, I was a try hard.
Classic try hard.
And I went to Target and I bought a ton of stuff and I was like, I'll return it all.
And I guess I missed...
I lost the receipt.
So now I own a bunch of clothes that I would never normally wear.
And this is one of them.
I don't know if that's clothes.
Yeah, no, it's.
It's like one giant pant leg.
Yeah.
It is like being in a tent.
It's cloth.
It's undeniably cloth.
I don't think it's gotten to the.
It's like you basically showed up with a caterpillar.
You're like, check out my butterfly.
Yeah.
It's not quite clothes yet.
I'm working on it.
Yeah.
Are there pockets?
Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh. close yet. I'm working on it. Are there pockets? Oh, yeah, buddy.
Oh.
All right, we're getting there.
In this thing.
All right.
It's close to changing.
It's like a survivor runner-up reward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the good thing is, yeah, you wore it on your birthday, so we can't make fun of it.
No, we would never.
No, thank you.
I feel very.
But, Kate, I love you.
We're not going to make any jokes.
Don't wear that tomorrow.
I have a bunch more.
I don't want to see that shit till your next birthday.
I got a pink one.
I got a bunch of neon pink stuff.
I got all kinds.
Oh, you went all the way in on it.
I forgot all.
I bought way more Western shit from that Alcala's place.
I think you wanted it.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going to.
I'm just like forcing myself to wear it.
And luckily we're supportive.
Somebody out there.
How many pairs of those do you have?
This particular skirt? Yeah. I got a pink
one too. Okay. How pink?
Like neon. Let me hold one.
Let me hold one. Okay. Hold one?
I want to try it. The skirt?
Yeah, I got to cover up my legs. I want to try it.
I'll bring it in. Yeah.
Maybe wear a skirt on the show.
Yeah.
I'm not afraid.
You want to do anything?
Like sing a song or play a game?
I feel like my games haven't gone well.
Did you really? Yeah, we got a cake as well.
Guys.
Yeah.
I made you a coaster.
Well, we needed something to cut the whatever the fuck we're going to do.
What?
Yeah, Nick made a coaster.
Oh, shit.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
It's over there.
Oh, it has my name on the back yeah
yeah it says one you're my favorite member of the yak not to continue making it about me which you
know i would hate i love it uh i was getting an mri the follow-up to see if i got any more
broken bones nice little birthday mri i was supposed to be done way earlier i'm in there
sitting thinking and they're like hold on time. I forgot to take off my bra.
Oh.
They had to stop the whole MRI, bring me back out.
That's actually not the law.
Who took it off?
No, that's not the law.
Actually, the lady reached in my thing.
She's like, I can do it for you.
And she reached into my thing and unhooked it.
Yeah, it was kind of hot.
Yeah, you got to spin that story and be like, I looked it up after.
It's not a rule.
They just were very attracted to me. Yeah, they just wanted to take it. Why do you have to take off your bra? like, I looked it up after. It's not a rule. They just were very attracted to me.
Yeah, they just wanted to take it.
Why do you have to take off your bra?
Oh, because it's got metal in it?
Mine has.
I need a little.
Wires?
Yeah.
Are you still shattered?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
But you did get the fun thing.
It's always fun when on your birthday you have to do something that you have to give your birthday.
And then people are like, oh, happy birthday. Did you have to fill out forms? Oh, I did, yeah. They were like, oh, this is what you're when on your birthday you have to do something that you have to give your birthday. And then people are like, oh, happy birthday.
Like, did you have to fill out forms?
Oh, I did, yeah.
They were like, oh, this is what you're doing for your...
And I'm like, look at me.
I'm taking my bra off.
I just twirled it around.
They were laughing.
It was all legal.
Yeah, whenever you have to like show ID or something on your birthday, you get the random like, oh, happy birthday.
That's why I scheduled it for today, actually.
Because I was like, I want someone to...
My driver's license expires on my birthday this year.
So I'm... When's your birthday? When is yours? This month. Oh, no. When's your birthday? I was like, I want someone to. My driver's license expires on my birthday this year.
When's your birthday?
When is yours?
This month.
Oh, no.
When's your birthday?
That's going to be a not fun day. Are you a Gemini?
I'm a Cancer.
Oh, well.
Me too, big dog.
I told you that.
Wait, Nick, when was your birthday?
June 28th.
Oh, this is coming up.
Oh, fuck.
When's the 25th?
Look at us.
Oh, I got to get us a boat, by the way.
Is everyone still in for that?
Yeah. Yeah, get us a boat for our birthday. I got to secure a note for the Third Eye Blind concert. Oh. fuck. Mine's the 25th. Look at us. Oh, I got to get us a boat, by the way. Is everyone still in for that? Yeah.
Yeah, get us a boat for our birthday.
I got to secure a...
No, for the Third Eye Blind concert.
Oh.
Yeah.
I already have tickets.
I already have tickets for that.
We're all going.
It was my birthday gift from...
Okay, all right.
Well, we're going to get a boat.
Okay.
What if the next case race was on a boat?
Well, we've already guaranteed the next case race is going to happen in the next couple
of weeks.
Oh, hell yeah.
If I win Captain of the Year.
Oh, yeah. You can booze now.
Yeah, I did on Friday. I had a great time
at Pup Punk. Maybe even get Sass
out here back. Oh, he doesn't drink.
He will drink with the SNL cast.
That's true. How good was Sass?
He was firing on all
cylinders, man. He really was.
Fucking heater. He's so back.
He's such a heater.
He's always a heater. He doesn't miss. He's so back. He's such a heater. He's always a heater.
He doesn't miss.
He's so unhappy.
Yeah, I know.
It's crazy.
We're on the drive back from roof ball.
He's like the oldest 20-something I've ever met in my life. Yeah.
Doesn't like anything.
Nothing.
He did get cuter.
Oh, for sure.
But he doesn't give a fuck.
No, he doesn't care about things like that.
I think he might not age because he just never goes in the sun.
Yeah.
He might just learn that.
Yeah.
He doesn't.
He doesn't like anything.
I don't think he has
a favorite food.
No.
No because they all
make him shit.
They all make him shit.
He can't have a favorite food.
By the way we got
we got two new
Chicago residents today.
Did you guys see that? Robbie Gooch. Gooch. Gooch is here and Kyle's here. Oh we got two new Chicago residents today. Did you guys see that?
Robbie Gooch.
Gooch.
Gooch is here, and Kyle's here.
Oh, we got Kyle.
Okay.
Yeah, we got another Ginger.
We've got to have a quota.
We have so many Gingers, it's getting out of hand.
It's unbelievable.
Who said there's no diversity at Barstool?
Look at that.
We're fucking chock full of Gingers.
Yeah, Gooch is here, officially.
Love Gooch.
He had never been in the office before
yep and he's moved here yeah he was walking around i was like i don't think anyone gave him a tour
he just kind of tried to figure out himself i like that yeah a real self-starter yeah right
have you had to answer a dozen questions yet already yeah that's just the part of the day
now yep that's just what we're gonna have to do but i got i like it i got a hack for it i just
ask him questions until like just more specific questions until i basically get the answer but i
still have the satisfaction out dozen him he was like who before miguel cabrera who was the previous
uh triple crown winner in baseball do you guys know this before um pull house no um there's clemmer clemmer's hell yeah oh so i just was
like all right what al or nl he's like al is like all right what what year twin 1967 i was like what
i was like what team he's like boston reds i was like oh you're shremski got it i was just
but he just gave me the year and team simple as that yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to say no. It's very easy. Clemmer.
Oh, boys.
What's up?
Hey, what's going on? Clemmer.
Yes.
Hello.
Hello.
Clemmer's here for the rat race.
It's Undisclosed Teams.
I'm here to announce one team.
Yes.
Probably my favorite team, I think.
It's running.
Mincy and White Sox Dave.
Wow.
A true.
Who's who?
I mean, just.
Who's who?
Who's their camera assigned to them?
Is it Fasoli?
I think it is, actually.
Oh, perfect.
That's a combined just barely triple digit IQ.
Yeah.
Is there a concern they might get lost forever?
Caitlin Walker said there's a good chance they end up in Wisconsin.
Yeah.
They're not going to be in the right state.
They just never get back.
Right.
Yeah, we might lose them forever.
No, I'm super excited.
I think this is going to be the best one yet. I'm amped up. It was a cool way to see Chicago. I'd never get back. Right. Yeah, we might lose him forever. No, I'm super excited. I think this is going to be the best one yet.
I'm amped up. It was a cool
way to see Chicago. I'd never been here before.
Before Barstool got the
office here, and the city's awesome.
Yeah. Awesome. Went around? Yeah. Went all
around. We were here last month
doing scouting, or two months ago, scouting different
locations and stuff, and I think
this place is great. Love it. Do a New York
fax here and just pass it off
like it's in new york oh yeah i'm gonna do a chicago i already have what i want to do make
it a new york fact yeah do new york be like the chicago river and like you know yeah your just
a lot yeah the sal capone fact and just yeah yeah in new york yeah uh no i'm gonna do one for sure
because this i'm back here for the dozen and uh i'm excited come back. Plus, Chicago in the summer is pretty awesome.
Yes.
You should go to the Bean and say it's like that portal in New York
where you can see it.
I'm like yelling at someone in Dublin.
Yeah, just be like, here is the Atlantic Ocean.
Yeah, New York facts.
The Atlantic Ocean.
Did you know that you can walk to the Atlantic Ocean
from downtown New York?
And it's right here and right across is England.
Yes, yes. No, I'm super amped up. ocean from downtown New York. And it's right here and right across England. Yes.
I'm super amped up.
Go up to the Sears Tower and be like, you can see England there. See Africa there.
There's Australia.
Should we tease what else you brought?
We can if you want to.
Oh.
We've already all seen it.
Everybody's already seen it, so let's just not talk about it.
But if we if for someone who has not seen it, that's an unbelievable hypothetical.
Everybody's seen it.
What are we talking about?
Clemmer brought back a hard drive.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Hard drive.
Almost exactly off.
Exactly a year ago from when we shot the first things for it.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's secured. It's secured.
It is secured. So you have all the footage
of the famous monkey boy.
That's correct. I thought it was child porn.
The thing is
No move.
You look like a guy that would have
hot child porn.
It's monkey boy.
You really going to come after me?
Now I have to come after you now?
That's how it works. That's come after you now that's fine that's fine we have noticed from afar that you are you do like get into uh don't say pornography please no no you get into fights in the office a lot well who's the number
one target there's been a lot of people in fights yeah i would say it's really only i think there's
only two there's only two people that i fight with and that's nate and meek phil what about smitty and
smitty oh no that's like about sports like that's not like that's like so what are your fights with
nate and meek phil about nate and meek phil i guess is about kind of have a type meek phil is
about sports too but nate nate is just you guys know like i love nate but once every like two
months nate will say something that is just the most irksome,
annoying thing that makes you fucking crazy.
Every fucking two months.
But then the next day, it's fine.
But in that one day, you want to murder him.
That actually just triggered a memory when we were driving back from Roofball.
Sass said that if people remember, he just quit work for a month.
He just didn't show up for an entire month.
Sass did.
Sass did. I had never known why. I thought it was because it was when he asked for a month. He just didn't show up for an entire month. Sass did. Sass did.
And I had never known why.
I thought it was because it was when he asked for a raise from Dave.
But he told us that it was actually he showed up to the office one morning
and he had a cup of coffee.
And Nate came up to him and was like, you like that cup of coffee?
And Sass was like, yeah.
And Nate just said, I came in it.
And then Sass said he just packed his bags and didn't come home.
He went to Wyoming for one month.
That was his breaking point.
Nate has driven all of us, maybe except for Titus,
like all of us crazy at one point.
That's pretty fair, I think.
Is it one, like, measly sentence?
Or is it like a group of things?
He'll just repeat the same things over and over again.
That's annoying.
Like, I was over, I was talking with Marty,
and we were talking about something related to Pig Central,
but not necessarily directly.
And he goes, save it for this show.
Save it for this show.
Save it for this show.
It's like, Nate, we're talking about something different.
Plus, you're interrupting us.
We're just having a conversation.
Right.
And he's like, well, why are you here?
You shouldn't be over here.
And you want to punch him in the face.
That is irksome.
It is irksome.
Your Nate is pretty good.
It's actually pretty similar to my Meek Phil.
Okay, okay.
Anytime he's wrong in an argument, Meek Phil will be, okay.
It is a type, you're right.
Yeah, you got a type.
Meek Phil has spent $500 on Fortnite skins?
Yes.
Meek Phil has a baby too?
What?
You see that picture of the Mets game? It was a doppelganger. It wasn't a doppelganger. It was Meek Phil has a baby too? What? You didn't see that picture of the Mets game?
It was a doppelganger.
It wasn't a doppelganger.
It was Meek Phil, and he was holding a baby.
Where'd he get that from?
Stephanie, can you find it?
He was holding a baby.
There's no way he got that through traditional routes.
Yeah.
He stole a baby.
Meek Phil's like in an orphanage in the 20s, like trolling his mustache.
I don't know.
Dude, this doppelganger's not a doppelganger, it was meek phil i actually didn't notice the baby i just
thought it was meek phil until like well i kind of look like meek phil no oh no this was literally
meek phil with a baby i went to south dakota with meek phil really yeah can you explain that to me
why you guys keep going places yeah it's uh pick six is uh a great app on uh on draft kings and they have it it's brand
new and it's in different states and they wanted us to go to like different states to showcase it's
not legal in new york but for instance it's legal in uh new mexico or it's legal in south dakota um
so meek phil and i went there went to salt mount rushmore together had a great car he was great on
the trip actually me phil was a fantastic travel partner yeah but then you got back and he was
meek phil yeah and we're back in Big Central
and he just throws his little daggers at you.
You know, makes fun of me for being old or just makes
fun of me constantly. And then if I make fun of him back,
people treat it like a war crime.
Which I don't really understand. You're not that old.
How old are you? 44. That's not that old.
Thank you. That's what I tell him.
Brandon, 44? Brandon?
Joey Kamasta. Joey Kamasta and I are born
the same year. Who's a young dude who's older than you?
Oh, yeah, that's what you got to do.
Sass.
Like, Miles Teller isn't, but he's a young dude who's old.
Like, I'm trying to think.
Channing Tatum.
Unfortunately, Channing Tatum's a great one, right?
I think he's like-
That's me, Phil.
Holy shit.
Adam Metzke.
Wait, that's not him?
Right, that's what I'm saying.
No, that is him. That is him. That's 100% him. He can'tkin. Wait, that's not him? Right. That's what I'm saying. No, that is him.
That is him.
That's 100% him.
He can't hold a baby.
No way.
What if he's a baby daddy, dude?
No.
No.
It's crazy.
Wait, how did he get that baby?
I don't know.
That is me, Phil.
Yes.
How did he get that baby?
That's not a...
Yeah.
Wait, why is that a video?
It was on SNY, obviously, and they were cutting away a Nintendo commercial coming back, so it's a little... But why is the tweet a video? Is was on SNY, obviously, and they were cutting away a Neetu commercial coming back, so
it's a little... But why is the tweet a video?
Is he an uncle? Because I think it's the video, they're showing
the video of the SNY coverage. Right, but it
could have been a picture. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying. Right. This guy's going to
the extra. Steady hand from Joey.
Damn. That's Meek Phil,
and he's holding a baby. You can't
tell me that's not him. Who is...
Is he saying it's not him? He's saying it's not him. That's him. He has a baby. Is it't tell me that's not him. Who is, is he saying it's not him?
He's saying it's not him.
That's him.
He has a baby.
Is it not him, to be honest?
He was, I was, he was taping the bracket
while that picture came up.
We were actually taping it.
It was the Fortnite Skins episode.
I wasn't.
And we got out of the bracket,
and then that was it.
But that's him.
That is him.
But it's not.
But it's him.
But it could have been taped a different day.
Maybe that's why he was using it
to go out of the commercial from a different day.
They'll do that a lot. They're like stock footage. But it could have been taped a different day. Maybe that's why he was using it to go out of the commercial from a different day. They'll do that a lot.
They're like stock footage. But what is
different about this man saying it wasn't him?
Yeah, find one difference.
Yeah, what's...
Exactly how he looks. Those are his glasses.
Everything about it is him.
Actually, there's one thing that's different.
This guy has less of a neck beard.
Oh. Really? Wait, what?
Like this. Oh, the neck. neck the actual neck pull up a photo
of meek phil yeah first time that sentence been said damn that was meek phil 100 i miss him i mean I mean, it'd be a great arc if he did have a kid. Yeah, just father me about it. It'd be outstanding.
Yeah.
Oh, gross.
Oh, that's too big of a tray.
Oh, no.
That's Chip Cade's birthday.
Cream's Chip Cade.
Oh, my God.
For everyone.
It looks so good.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Oh, shit. Serve the thank god. Oh my god. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Oh, shit.
Oh!
I'll take the leftovers.
Wait till you take a bite.
Oh, stop.
There's not enough.
You want some?
No, there's not enough.
No, there is.
There's not enough, unfortunately.
Hey, I don't want this.
Thanks, man.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, this looks so bad.
You guys are so wrong.
Thank you.
I would do one if you had an extra one.
Titus, I love how you're out.
Titus is always fucking there.
No, we can lady in the tramp at Titus.
We'll both take a bite.
I want you guys to enjoy it.
Titus, here.
I can.
Does it smell bad?
This couldn't look worse.
I don't want it so bad.
Donnie's a really good chef.
Yes.
It's the best he could be.
Oh, Kate.
That actually ruined it.
I'm going to hold off on mine.
That looks like dog vomit.
Don't want it.
Just don't want it.
That looks like dog vomit on a piece of bread.
That looks fucking awful.
You guys don't have to pretend just because it's a regional food.
It can be dog shit.
Did you try it?
I had a little corner.
It tasted like bad.
You know how bad it tastes?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've had that before.
I want to try it, but I don't want to try it on camera.
I don't ever want anyone to be like, you ate that.
It's pretty, pretty, it's not like an offensive taste.
It's just there.
But I don't like you guys hamming it up just because. Someone it's fine because mook let out an audible it doesn't smell bad it
does not it doesn't donnie's a good chef so he probably made it good but it's just okay that's
the most disgusting i've ever seen oh god cake napkins and there's it's definitely that's that's
actually that's gross use your skirt no No just use Steven's big napkin.
She'd use the skirt but she has no panties on.
Got cream.
Harry do you see any paper towels or napkins?
We got an emergency.
All right great.
Oh it's on my eye a little bit.
No it's I would hate to
I would hate to impose.
It's foul Dan. It's foul, Dan.
It's awful.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, Tony's right in here.
It's not your fault.
You made the best breakfast I ever had in my life at the ski house.
Can I have a paper towel, too, please?
Oh, that's bad.
Oh, Kate.
Oh, stop.
Stop, dude.
No.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no. Stop. No. Oh, my God. Oh, no.
People are eating lunch.
They were.
We see those tits.
Okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, that does not taste good.
Are you kidding me?
No, that does not taste good. Are you kidding me? No, that does not taste good.
Did you try it?
Yeah.
You guys are accusing us of hamming it up.
It's actually good, and you're cheating yourself.
You acted like that was 100-year-old age.
Oh, I just licked my fucking finger.
There it is.
It's like salty.
Oh, my God.
Only people from Philly would understand.
How often do you make this at home?
Growing up, it was like a weekly dinner.
Yeah, you have the option to have any meal you want at any time.
When was the last time you had it?
It's hard to find.
I've been trying to find it here.
It's really hard to find it.
You can make it.
He made it.
So we're kind of proving our point.
I don't cook.
It's like Brandon with the pear salad.
Yeah.
Brandon's like, I love pear salad.
You don't love pear salad if you're an adult and haven't had it in a year.
Well, you know, there's certain things like your mom makes, but it doesn't occur to you that you can also make it.
Like, I love chicken parm.
It's not like I haven't had chicken parm in a long time.
I'll eat whoever's not finishing theirs.
You can have all of it.
Yeah, by all means.
Happy birthday, Kate. Happy birthday. Poor of it. Yeah, by all means. Happy birthday, Kate.
Happy birthday.
Poor Donnie.
Thank you, Donnie.
Perfect.
Does it taste like it?
It looks, yes.
No, like it used to?
It's biscuits and gravy.
You pass up.
With different meat.
You guys are nuts.
Thank you.
Kate, they're being hardos.
This is delicious.
I know. Kate, they're being hardos. This is delicious. I know.
Again, so give me a little piece.
Make it at home.
Right here.
I will.
I will.
Has anyone ever made you eat cream chip beef?
Yes.
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Look, it's not like a fine food.
It's slop.
Right.
But it's good slop.
Biting it and going, mmm.
Yeah.
I like slop.
You're full of shit.
You said you didn't like it on your finger.
Oh, no.
I made him put gross stuff on his finger.
Put it on Clemmer.
No, no, I did not like it.
No, no, no.
Are you a nail biter?
Oh, the nail polish?
Oh, here we go.
Cake.
All right.
Cake.
What's the twist here?
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday
dear Kate.
Happy
birthday to
you.
I should have if I had thought ahead I would have
had the cake just be full of cream
chickpea.
See I had it.
Guys?
Because it looks so bad,
it has to be so good.
Do you know what I mean?
You still didn't try it yet?
No, I did.
It needed to be better.
It needs to be better than it looks.
And it really wasn't.
It wasn't.
You're wrong.
It was the cream aspect,
the consistency of cream
without the creaminess,
the savory flavor.
If you put it in like a sub, I'd probably eat it and be like, ah, okay.
But the look of it is just.
Oh, hell yeah.
Steven, Stephanie, Zaha, you guys want a bite?
I bet Zaha would like it.
Zaha, get in here.
Zaha, what animals did you see?
So I actually had a hippo.
We went fishing, and I had a hippo living right outside my window.
That's scary.
Yeah, it was pretty petrifying.
Hippo, elephant, impala, a lot of crocodiles, a lot of fish eagles.
Fish eagles?
Yeah.
It kind of looks like the American one with the white head.
But, yeah, no, it was awesome.
I think of hippos as friendly.
Is that inaccurate?
Absolutely not.
They're the most dangerous animal in Africa.
Oh, really?
Yep.
You know they don't swim?
No, I didn't know that.
Yeah, they run on the bottom.
It's crazy.
They're strong, scary.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
Yeah.
They're really crazy.
Do you know anybody that's ever been killed by a hippo?
Yeah.
Oh, what?
What happened?
So usually when a hippo kills a person, you get between.
So they come out to the water to graze.
And if you get between itself and the water, you're pretty much toast.
Seriously?
Yeah.
So that's the most common cause is usually someone will get in between.
And they walk down a straight path.
If they walk down that way, they're coming straight back through that path.
So if you get in that path, you're pretty much a street cat.
And what do they do?
They bite them or do they?
Give you a little boom and then just leave you.
So they actually don't eat you because they're herbivores,
so they'll just kill you with the tusks and, yeah.
With their mouth?
They'll kill you with their mouth?
Yeah.
Or run you over.
Let me...
You don't want to...
I think I could take a hippo.
Oh.
Yeah, you know what?
What would you do?
I'm thinking about it.
I think I'd just go low.
You bend down?
Yeah.
Barehanded?
Yeah, just get low.
Just step out of the...
As it's charging, step to the side and trip it. There you go. Trip it. down. Bare handed? Yeah, just get low. Just step out of the way as it's charging you.
Step to the side and trip it.
And then it flips over.
And then maybe pull its tail.
I heard a hippo's tail comes off if you pull
hard enough. And that's how
they breathe.
Just don't run in a straight line.
I've read that somewhere.
Yeah, I think
I'm going to call out hippos.
I think hippos are pussies.
You punch in the nose like a shark?
No problem.
Just backs off?
Yeah.
I'd break its neck.
Yep.
Smart.
Choke hold.
Yep.
And I'd suck out its last breath.
So it lives on through me forever.
Did you guys see that UFC fight video?
Yeah.
It rocked.
It was scary.
I thought some dude was going to get tossed off the balcony.
I was anxious while watching it.
I don't think I've ever had that emotion, but I liked that emotion.
It gave me that emotion.
Happy Pride, brother.
I also think it's pretty much a guarantee if you're slapping yourself before a fight, you're going to lose.
The guy was slapping
himself that oh that never maybe i didn't see this can we i'm trying to picture this based on
the context clues it was in the stands of a ufc yeah i don't know oh what happened i got knocked
out i can understand you're falling forward and went like 10 rows oh this is in the stand in the
stand yeah way way i thought he was was going to fly into the ring.
Look at this.
This is the beginning.
This guy is white, is he not?
Do we know what they're fighting about?
Oh.
Yeah.
Is that the white boy?
I think they both are. Oh. Yeah. Is that the white boy? I think they both are.
Both.
Oh, shit.
Now I start to get anxiety.
That guy deserves to get his ass kicked.
Right.
The guy who's standing lower should be a little more concerned about where he's at.
He's being very reasonable, it seems like.
Also, yeah, I mean, you can't.
You kind of have to fight at this point because you can't sit in front of someone.
Oh, shit.
That was the start of it.
I don't know who's going to win.
You can't come from the lower ground.
Oh, pants falling down.
Oh, now he's got adrenaline.
Yep.
Now he's ready to go.
Ready for war.
Oh, next video, next video. Oh, okay.
Oh!
Oh, my God!
I thought he was going down.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he fucked him up?
Yeah, fucked him up proper.
Did he just trip?
Oh, that's satisfying.
Yeah, I thought the other guy was going to...
Now they're playing with fire, dude.
Oh, he's got him by the hair.
He's got him by the hair.
Oh, this is great.
Yeah.
Oh, he can't have long hair.
It was very clear who you're rooting for in this fight, and that guy won.
Yeah.
Nothing better.
That was great.
But now, do you just watch the rest of the fight?
Yeah, do you go back to your regular seats?
Yeah, you can wait. We'll eat it at the fight? Yeah, do you go back to your regular seats? Yeah, you can wait.
We'll eat it at the end.
Yeah, that's probably better.
Thank you.
Can we just see the beginning of the second video again?
Him just going.
You get knocked out going forward.
It's got to be an all-time bad feeling.
What a loser.
He's the biggest loser in the world.
Boom.
Oh, my God.
Oh, damn.
Oh, shit. Awesome in the world. Boom. Oh, shit.
Awesome.
So awesome. Boom.
Oh, my God.
He fucked him up.
Oh, that's great.
Oh, man.
UFC fights have to be the highest level of fan fight.
Oh, definitely.
These guys all love it.
Is this the only sport you can play in the crowd?
Raiders and Chargers games I feel like have a high level.
Yeah.
Imagine that helpless feeling when you're tipped over like that.
It must be so terrifying.
When he's head over heels, it must be horrifying.
You start getting punched in the face.
And your hair gets pulled.
By a white boy? Yeah. pulled. By a white boy?
God damn.
And you're a white boy?
When's the last time you brought a glove to a baseball game?
Eighth grade.
I brought one for the home run derby.
I'm thinking that through.
It's been a while.
You've got to feel like such an idiot to do it as an adult.
I kind of like it.
I think if you lean into it, it's kind of funny.
Oh, he did bring one. Tim harbaugh made it cool he was doing
it like sitting behind the fence or the net too so there's no chance he was getting a ball i don't
know if you can find it stephanie but there was one where i vaguely remember him sitting like
maybe five rows behind the net but you could still get one if it goes what's the other sport
equivalent of that is that a helmet to a football game yeah guys people do shoulder pads
can you catch like a rogue field goal that screen's so big though a glove to the ufc
yeah like yeah yeah one shin guards bringing your glove your golf clubs to like that would be
hilarious that would be the funniest option yeah yeah never know. That was him in the outfield, but he had another one where I think he was
when he was in San Francisco.
He brings it to every game.
He's unapologetic about it too.
Bring your own horse to Saratoga?
Yeah.
Oh, that would be funny.
That's a good move.
Wearing your own silks.
I'm here to go.
Wearing a condom to the bar we yeah we we got gigantic ones for the
home run derby in miami in 2017 in the outfield did you get any no sucked oh he's ready he's
always ready clem we gotta get you in the outfield for the derby oh i feel like we could make that
happen and you would appreciate it yeah i don't. Yeah, I'm not really good at catching
balls, I don't think. I'm going to Wrigley Field
for the first time in two weeks when we're
back for the dozen. I'm going to both Wrigley
and New Comiskey for the first time. Kyle, do you picture him
in the stands or in the outfield
shagging with the boys?
I would feel horrible. I don't want my kids to have it.
Oh, no.
You've got to make that happen.
If we make it happen, would you do it?
I'll do anything for content, but I don't want to bully a kid for the ball.
That would be the best content.
I would feel bad.
Even if I'm near a foul ball, I don't catch it.
If a ball rolls to me, I always obviously give it to a kid.
Why do I want an $8 souvenir?
I don't think the kid would.
You don't have to keep every ball.
Tough 12-year-olds.
They're not going to be intimidated.
Oh, I know that.
Right, right.
You don't have to keep them.
You just push them out of the way to catch them.
Yeah, you probably throw them in the stands.
You'd probably catch them better than I could at this point.
Now, Clemmer, I said that you weren't old with the 44.
That's not that old.
But you saying new Comiskey is a very old thing to say.
The change is the name so much.
Guaranteed rate has been around for like 20 years.
What was it before that?
It had another goofy name.
It was guaranteed rate.
It was cellular.anteed Rate. It was Cellular.
Cellular, yeah.
The new stadium's been around since like, oh, three.
Comiskey's been around since like, 93,
right? No, but they... Oh, they changed the name.
I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah.
I like the new
Comiskey. I like it better, right?
I guess. If it changes again, then you're still
safe. Yeah, I guess. Plus it changes again, then you're still safe.
Yeah, I guess you're right. Plus it gives a little credit to Kaminsky.
All right, all right.
All right, new Kaminsky.
You're doing two games in the same day?
No, they're not home at the same time.
I'm going to Mets, Cubs, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
I think Friday night is Stevie Nicks and Billy Joel.
I'm going.
Are you in?
Yeah.
Clem and I are going.
A bunch of us are going.
I already got my tickets.
Oh, you already got tickets?
It's at Soldier Field?
Yeah.
Yeah, I already got tickets.
Hell yeah. Because I was talking about maybe getting a suite. What? Whoa. You got it like tickets. Oh, you already got tickets? It's at Soldier Field? Yeah. Yeah, I already got tickets.
Hell yeah.
Because I was talking about maybe getting a suite.
What?
Whoa.
You got it like that?
No, no, no, no.
If a bunch of us,
if like 20 of us do it,
could we afford that
or is that too crazy?
Is that stupid?
They're pretty expensive.
Are they?
I mean, not then.
I've looked in the suites before
and it's just not.
Is it that much?
Yeah, it's like a level.
I'm on the field
and it was pricey.
Yeah.
No, Columbus State
is like what?
Like $150 to $300 maybe per each ticket?
I'd rather be on the field.
So about 20 of us did it?
No, no, no.
This is just getting a seat.
So about 20 of us did it.
It'd be like $2,000.
Is Sweets more than that?
I don't know.
I'm a pricey guy.
Yes.
All right, then I'm an idiot.
Sweets probably like $10,000, $15,000.
Oh, never mind.
No.
So we're just getting regular seats.
And yeah, a bunch of us are going, I think.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, because we're all here for the dozen anyway.
So we'll stick around next day and go to that.
Yeah, and then I think my wife.
You might have to be in the case race.
Oh.
If I win capital year.
Drunk with Clemmer is insane.
He almost got thrown out of Dave and Buster's.
I get very loud.
This is actually.
Yeah.
This is going to be great because we actually do have a lot of people here.
So we can do the Royal Rumble.
Yeah, you're not going to know who's.
We should get a handful of outsiders advertising.
All right, I'm going to stop here.
I'll be here that whole week.
Even stick around for that following Monday.
Yeah.
I'll be here for like 10 days.
I'm very excited.
Yeah, is it crazy?
I'm stupid, right?
We got Clemmer drunk at a tungsten meetup, and we gave him a Zin, and he threw up immediately.
Oh, it's one of the funniest photos ever.
He looks exactly like Gollum.
He's hunched up.
I mean, I couldn't even make it.
I got to ask Ken for it.
I couldn't even make it to the bathroom.
I puked in the trash can next to the bar.
It was one of the most humiliating things of my 40s.
I say one of.
No, it was a dog move, though.
I was proud of you.
I see that at the floor.
I know.
Well, yeah, I never had a Zin.
I'm like, I can handle this.
No.
No.
What's the next big, clever idea that we got kicking around in your head?
So this is something Owen and I have been speculating on.
We talked about it last week.
So the idea is, like, I'm trapped in a—let me run this by you guys, because you guys
are really good with content stuff, ideas.
I have two ideas for it.
I'm trapped 72 hours on either
a new york city block not again no no no a new york city block you're gonna have three michelin
star restaurants a five-star hotel the most boring the most boring block possible or we pick a really
boring town and i'm stuck there for 72 hours and i cannot leave the town i did that for 24 years
yeah yeah and that shit.
Yeah.
That's that's 72 hours.
How about a street?
I'm just trying to think of something like we're trying to think of something.
What about a highway rest stop?
They're open 24 hours.
You got a trucker.
Oh, I like that.
That's not a bad idea.
You have to fuck a whore.
Yeah.
Is there somewhere to sleep there?
You have to sleep in a truck.
What about, what about Climber Hitchhikes America?
I'm not doing that I'm scared of that I think
That would be cool
You gotta get all the way across America
Have you ever seen Hitcher?
Jennifer Jason Leigh gets ripped apart
Oh my god, it's terrifying
That worked in your favor to get out of that conversation
If you're a kid in the 80's And you saw the Hitchhiker's Guide,
because it's on HBO all the time for whatever reason,
and Jennifer and Jason Lee gets ripped apart,
it's one of the most horrifying things my childhood.
What about – I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
That wouldn't happen to you.
You hitchhiking across America would be awesome.
I don't know if anybody's picking you up.
Are you kidding me?
Look at that thumb.
Put out your thumb. That'll do nice. Are you kidding me? Look at that thumb. Put out your thumb.
That'll do nice.
Holy shit.
There's shit anywhere.
Oh, my God.
I'm very disarming.
I'm not scary.
As he's cackering.
I'm not scary.
Go with a kid, man.
I mean, I'm not physically threatening.
Have you ever heard of Slender Man?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you just of Slender Man? Yeah I have heard of it Kate
Surprisingly yes
It has come up
Bring a gun with you
I've shot a gun
My dad liked guns
So bring a gun with you
So then bring a cameraman who has a gun
A strong man
Strongest man we've got.
Fasoli.
I always have wanted to do a cross-country trip,
because then I get to see different major league stadiums, too.
So that would be a win-win.
You hitchhiking America would be a great video.
I think you can hit every major league stadium by boat.
I think they're all next to a waterway.
Oh, okay.
Wait, what?
Yeah, I think you can do it.
There's no way that's true.
But how would I...
Rivers and whatnot.
Phillies or Delaware Rivers right there?
Are we in the cities or the...
Probably the cities.
Yeah, I was just...
Oh, there's him after that.
Wait.
I think it would be tough for Phoenix, no?
Don't be a dickhead.
Colorado?
You would take...
Get there by river.
I think you can get to every stadium by water.
Yeah, Phoenix, the Gila River connects to the Colorado.
Maybe.
Yeah, I don't know.
That was the fact that...
I proved him wrong and he said I was being a dickhead.
This could be right.
Yeah, you're being a dickhead.
Let me spout.
I'm sorry.
Are you saying the same boat on the same?
Yeah, I don't think you'd have to leave boat.
I don't think that's true.
There's no way that's true.
Pull up any baseball stadium and zoom in.
There's no way that's true.
Coffin Stadium, Kansas City.
Can we find a map of all the baseball stadiums?
Well, the Giants, yeah, the Giants. Put me in a pickle. Giants are over there. That's an easy one. Great point? Well, the Giants. Yeah, the Giants.
Put me in a pickle.
Giants are on a bill.
Giants are over there.
That's an easy one.
Great point.
Yeah, the Giants.
I mean, the city fields
are in the water.
City fields.
Miami.
Oh, my God.
Miami's right on the water.
Yankee Stadium.
Tampa Bay.
Fenway.
Fenway's close.
Fenway.
Yeah, see you guys.
Oh, Pittsburgh.
There's bridges right there.
Pittsburgh right by the water. MLB. Pull up to a boat Pittsburgh right by the water
MLB stadium
Pull up to a boat
To every stadium
I think that's a rule in MLB
A lot of the times
You have to
Yeah
You have to be accessible
It's like an ADA compliance thing
Makes sense
For mer people
Dallas
Boat
Is hitchhiking legal
Would I get arrested
You would Yeah I don't want to get in trouble I got legal? Would I get arrested? You would.
Yeah.
I don't want to get in trouble.
I got in trouble once.
I got arrested once
and it was horrible.
For what?
Driving with a suspended license
I didn't know was suspended.
It was my second week on the job.
I had my boss in the car
with me on a drive-along.
This is how old I am, Dan.
I was selling ads
for the Yellow Pages.
And I was going
from business to business.
He was on a ride-along
and I got pulled over
and my boss said bail me out. It was horrifying. Wait, why did he arrest you for a suspended license? Because I had a taillight. I didn't from business to business. He was on a ride-along and I got pulled over and my boss had bailed me out.
It was horrifying.
Wait, why did he arrest you for suspended license?
Because I had a taillight.
I didn't know it was out.
And he goes, and the cop comes over.
He's like, good news, bad news.
The good news is I'm the nicest cop to ever arrest you.
And I was just horrified.
My boss was very nice about it.
Do you have a mugshot?
There might be one somewhere.
If it is, you might even be able to find some tear streaks.
I was very upset. Yeah, I guess it checks out. Oh it is, you might even be able to find some tear streaks. I was very upset.
Yeah.
I guess it checks out.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's no.
There they are.
Mississippi River, right?
No.
There's just.
Well, give me a city that's not on a river.
Thank you.
Houston.
What?
Houston is surrounded by water.
Dallas.
Dallas.
That's on a river.
Arizona.
River. Where's their river? The Snake River goes right. Dallas. Dallas. That's on a river. Arizona. River.
Where's their river?
The Snake River goes right through it.
Thank you, Kate.
I've been tubing on it.
You know it.
But how would I get to the Snake River from...
Oh, they're connected.
Tributaries and such.
Kind of an irrigation canal.
This is true.
What are you saying?
Where are you saying the Snake River is?
All those map of river of waterways in America.
It's going to boggle your mind.
No, there is the Snake River.
Oh, it goes down?
Yeah. How about Atlanta? Is Atlanta on the water in America. It's going to boggle your mind. There is this river. Oh, it goes down? Yeah.
How about Atlanta?
Is Atlanta on the water?
Yeah.
It's not.
It's not.
You guys are gaslighting.
It's my favorite fun fact.
You're a baseball guy.
Because nobody ever believes it.
You can tell baseball guys that.
I don't know.
I don't know much about it.
I know a lot about baseball, like old movies.
I'm really dumb.
Oh, I figured you would know that.
I think there are some baseball fans that have done a houseboat,
and they take the whole season.
They go to every stadium.
One fact.
I don't know what Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn go to every stadium.
I don't know what to do with that.
What if you did cross country?
Look at all that blue.
Yeah.
A lot of rivers.
I'm saying it.
I think it might be true.
I think it is true.
Wow.
What if you had to stay at a stoolie's house every night as you cross the country?
Like you rely on stoolies to get you across the country.
I don't like.
You got to sleep on their couch.
I didn't like even going to people's houses when I was a kid.
Like sleepovers.
Because like the parents sometimes made a bad meal.
I know.
That would be.
I would watch it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, here we go again.
It's the content, but you want to be comfortable
Why don't you guys do it
You guys wouldn't do this
I have a daily show
So do I
I'm doing this MLB by water thing
Yeah I think I'm in
Let's do it
I'll do that
Two tubes
If other people do it it's fun with friends
See it has to be fun do it, it's fun with friends.
See, it has to be fun for you.
Yeah, that's true.
No, we're going to. We might swim it.
I might get scurvy.
Swim the tour.
Lazy river.
Big Cat swam to every MLB stadium.
It was crazy.
Yeah.
Submarine.
Let's swim it.
It's hot right now.
The hitchhiking thing does sound fun, though.
I think that would work.
I just don't.
Yeah, as long as I had someone with me and and it would be safe, and I wouldn't get arrested.
We can't guarantee all those things.
You get to pick two out of the three.
Safe.
Safe.
Safe is first.
Oh, I need someone with me.
I need Cameron with me.
All right, with you, safe, arrested.
And not arrested.
Oh, so which one?
So I guess arrested then would be the one I would choose because the cameraman could bail me out
yeah
or he might get arrested
he'll get arrested as well
what if you go to the airport
by the cheapest flight
wherever you land
you buy the cheapest flight there
and you do it five times
and then you do a video
where you end up
yeah that's fine
yeah sure
I like travel
can you buy a flight
at an airport
they have in like Seinfeld
was that a 90s thing
you go in Seinfeld
no that's how we used to do it back then.
I would assume you did.
I just haven't ever thought of that.
One ticket, please.
Yeah.
That's a crazy person.
Or that's when travel agents were big back in the 80s and 90s.
That's how we got places.
Travel agents are kind of back now.
Yeah, I see that, right?
Yeah.
I'd love to have my trip planned.
Yeah.
I fucked up my Italy trip.
I only bought hotels for half the nights.
Yeah.
Why? Really. Yeah. Yeah. I fucked up my Italy trip. I only bought hotels for half the nights. Yeah. Really?
Yeah.
Because I bought hotels
from like third to the fourth,
fifth to the sixth,
but I forgot about
the night of the fourth.
And so I was like,
God, Italy's cheap as fuck.
And then I realized
just the night.
So I was bringing my bag
every night I was going
to a new hotel.
They just book the things
for they don't plan
the itinerary.
They can do that. They can do that.
They can do everything.
I don't want that.
No, that's what they...
Yeah, they basically take it out of your hands.
Like when Roan goes on these extravagant trips,
do you think he's planning them
or someone else is planning them?
He might have a travel agent.
Yeah, I would need that
because otherwise,
how the fuck do you get into all that stuff?
Yeah. Oh, I love itinerary making yeah I've made them for stoolies have hit me up and
for different cities oh yeah and I've sent them like whole ass I've taken like a long time sending
I love it I have like minute by minute oh my god wow it's a loose you you schedule loosely but like
I loosely minute by minute yeah minute by minute I've done some good ones, I'm just saying.
Maybe that's it.
Kate just makes you an itinerary somewhere.
I would love it.
That'd be nice.
I would love it.
Oh, she planned a great trip for Brandon.
I did.
He maybe can outsource and send you instead.
Oh.
Idaho.
Oh, I've never been to Idaho.
I'd go to Idaho.
He's going to go, he said.
Yeah, I'd go to Idaho. Yeah gonna go he said Yeah I'd go to Idaho
Yeah
We can give you
Oh yeah that's right
That's right Brandon
Won the trip
Is that or Hawaii
Yeah
Right
Yeah he chose Idaho
Yeah I picked it
Hawaii one of the most amazing
Places I've ever been to in my life
If not the most amazing
Agreed
KB was just there
Yeah that and Alaska
Are my favorites
Rico is Oh no Marty Mush is going to Alaska.
Yeah, he texted us about it.
Yeah, it's not going to be a punishment at all.
It's going to be great.
You just hate the 48 contingent?
Contiguous?
Yeah.
Contiguous?
Contiguous.
Contiguous?
Contiguous.
You got against the 48.
I haven't been to any of the beautiful beautiful areas of the lower 48
like Colorado
Montana
San Diego
like the big mountains the beautiful areas
yeah I've never been big sky territory
big sky is awesome
how big could it possibly be
bigger than you'd ever imagine
fucking huge
you don't realize how much sky you're just missing.
I want to go to Utah.
Okay.
Zion is the favorite single place I've ever been to.
You've been to Zion?
Oh, then you've been.
Since when?
Since 10.
You went at 10 years old?
2010.
That I recommend.
What if you did a scavenger hunt?
Kind of like a rat race?
Not like a checklist.
Oh, like things I need to hit?
You got to find like a dude wearing a purple hat.
Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be fun.
I like scavenger hunts.
And you've got to travel.
It can't be.
You have to find a purple hat in every state.
Oh.
It'd be easy in Colorado, but it might be tough other places.
Yeah. A purple hat in every state. Hey, do you see it might be tough other places yeah a purple hat in
every state hey do you see this clemmer guy's doing purple hat it's the next hole in one stream
that jerry did tom bray's like you could do it chris that would do numbies dude you should find
a purple hat in every state that would rock i'm already in purple hat in every state there's no
way he does it right and then that comes
with merch
I don't think
that's possible
now that I think about it
I mean I could find
a Purple Hat
just going like
you could find
a Purple Hat
someone wearing it
no it has to be
like an organic
think about it
Delaware
how many times
have you been to Delaware
no one in Delaware
I used to vacation
in Dewey and Bethany
and a little bit in Rehoboth
I don't think
this could be done
never seen a Purple Hat
I don't think
I've ever seen one I just don't think I'd be done never seen a purple hat I don't think I've ever seen one
I just don't think
I'd be able to come home
like I'd be gone forever
I have a family
and I have like a life
I can't just be gone forever
plus I don't know if Barstow
would pay
I don't know if Dave
would pay for me to do this
yeah you can't
wait call Dave
and ask him
pitch him this idea
I don't know if I want to do this idea
I don't know if I want to be away
from my family for six months
why don't you just
like a month at a time
you don't have to be away
for six months
you just gotta find the purple hat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
If you find a purple hat,
you can go home.
But each state though,
I would take-
And you could do it
from afar.
So you could be looking
through a telescope
and be like,
there it is.
And then you go home.
Yeah, we'd allow telescopes.
I would be so in on this.
Drones, you can use drones.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How did my job here
somehow become torturing?
When did this happen?
Why is this torturing me, dude?
You're traveling looking for purple hats.
I also volunteer to do solitary confinement.
You know how many people in their bucket list
visit every state and find a guy in a purple hat?
Well, that part, yeah.
No, it's something I've always wanted to do
is solitary confinement.
It's a job at the end of the day, dude.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, you don't have to do it all consecutive.
You can just go like...
Oh, I could do it in segments?
I think it would be easy. I think every
state has a city. You'd find one within an hour.
I think so. Texas, you'd go to
TCU's campus. Yep. Colorado, obviously.
I don't know. I think it would be super quick. Minnesota.
Here you could go up to Evanston.
Northwestern. Oh, alright. See, I don't know much about college.
You're right, but there's a college. Any populated
place will have one person
with a purple hat. I would say... I would say go to a black church on a Sunday.
That would be fascinating.
Probably going to find a purple hat pretty quick.
And no duplicates, though.
No duplicates.
If you find a Rockies hat.
Okay.
That would make it interesting.
Why are you adding duplicates?
That would be the best.
It was like, hey, I'm Chris Clemmer, and I'm going across the country finding a purple hat.
What the fuck?
I'm in.
And the one catches, no duplicate.
Drone shot out.
Clemmer versus USA.
I mean, if we got a sponsored shirt.
Purple hat across the country.
That is so good.
If we got that sponsored, I absolutely would.
Why has nobody done this?
It would rock.
Mook, you don't think you could do it?
No.
Yeah.
No.
I don't think you could do it, but I think he should.
Yeah, the ride would be a lot of fun.
Why don't you go right now?
I'm busy today.
This week I'm very busy.
Film Illinois now.
Take 20 minutes right now.
Just take 20 minutes and try to see if you can find a purple hat.
Go to the cellar on the off-grid.
Call it Fat U, purple hat across.
All right, so I have until 1.40 to find a purple hat?
Stephanie, could you send Clemmer a Zoom link?
Have someone drive you.
Just go down to the West Loop and just see if you can find a purple hat.
I think you'll find it quick.
Yeah, this is proof of concept.
We'll get it sold.
If you haven't seen Rat Race, please watch it.
Thank you.
You gotta touch it.
No, no, no. You have to see it from afar.
Okay, see it.
Can I touch your purple hat?
Excuse me, sir.
Yeah.
What a great idea. Did you hear about Barstool's Purple Heart Initiative? They've got your purple hat? One man. Excuse me, sir. Yeah. Oh, man. What a great idea.
Did you hear about Barstool's Purple Heart Initiative?
They've got no purple hat.
It's hat.
It's hat.
Hat.
Yeah, and he just has to go see them from, like, you know, afar.
I like the idea of not even filming the hat.
He films himself seeing the hat.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
It's just a selfie video.
He's like, oh.
I want him to land in Hawaii and to see one in the airport and turn right back around.
Would it be majority
like flap rim
Kangol hats
beanies
like what are we thinking
I think women
and sun hats
would be his best bet
I think every airport
you'll be able
to find one
I agree with that
oh this is gonna be
a really good content
and like
nope
we never
say that it's a joke
it's just like
we take this
very seriously
I want drone shots the intense music in the background we never say that it's a joke. It's just like we take this very seriously.
I want drone shots.
The intense music in the background.
It's on its way.
They said it couldn't be done.
I'm here to prove them wrong.
From the beautiful mind of Rat Race.
I hope he finds a purple hat. Clemmer finds purple hats.
Instantly.
Instantly. Instantly.
It's tearing his marriage apart.
There's a whole other storyline.
If you see a purple hat in the wild, please
take a picture.
No, don't do his job for him.
I just want to see...
He seriously said, I have a family. I don't want to be gone
for six months.
He's going to war.
I'm going away for a while gone for the next six months
traveling this country but like that
50th episode would be incredible
oh it would be so awesome
yeah people start wearing
purple hats just to support him
yeah
somebody would ruin it
it has to be proof
of organic yep i'm excited for him to try to find a purple hat right now this is good me and kyle
went to the brooklyn the bronx zoo and we tried to find purple shoes we didn't look at a single
animal we just went up yeah uh we found one pair yeah little kid oh there's a lot the lines get
blurred with like oh it's a little bit purple. No.
It has to be majority purple.
They were foam posits.
They were foams. That's a good point. Say Clemmer finds a hat
that's just purple brim, white
cap part. Does that count?
The Rockies hat is half purple, half black.
51%. It's got to be 51% purple.
Or it could be a hat
that says purple.
That's the one loophole. It could be any colored hat as long as it says purple. Or it could be a hat that says purple. That's the one loophole.
It could be any colored hat as long as it says purple.
Interesting.
That's fair.
I don't think he's going to find a purple hat.
Those are the rules.
We will not budge.
Now I'm thinking I could do it and break the world record.
I could do it in 50 days.
I think less.
Easily less.
Across the country? I could do New England in one days. I think less. Easily less. Across the country?
I could do New England in one day.
Yeah, absolutely.
I bet you finally could.
I guarantee you.
Actually, I want to do it.
Send me to New England.
I'll do it.
This is less than a month.
This is less than a month.
We should race.
Do all 50.
Damn, Ohio got Montana.
We have to do this.
We have to do this.
I've been stuck in Michigan
trying to find a purple hat.
Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts in like an hour.
Cancel surviving Barstool and make this what the company's doing.
I want everyone to do it.
The whole company is doing a purple hat.
The race.
I'm like right now I'm itching to just go outside and try to find a purple hat.
I am too.
I'm going to start taking pictures of purple hats we see in the wild.
Let's start a chat.
Yeah.
I want to chat with 1,000 people in it.
We can call it Purple Chat.
Yeah, Purple Chat.
Everybody just sends them.
You can't respond. You can only
send pictures of purple hats. You can only thumbs up.
Okay. If it's purple. Thumbs down if it's not.
I kind of want to race right now
so I can find you first.
Alright.
I'm trying to think where in Chicago I would go right now.
It's always the most crowded place.
Go downtown.
If you have a purple hat, no problem.
Millennium Park.
Instantly.
I feel like, is purple?
Oh, shit.
Oh, no, no, no.
You want to find one?
Oh, Titus went running off.
Sprinted away.
I feel like hibachi chefs could wear purple.
Really?
It's red or purple, right?
No. White?
It ain't purple.
I have a question.
Say I'm at a store and I see a purple hat.
Could I ask someone, hey, can you put that hat on real quick?
Absolutely not. You'd be scorned.
You could stay there
until someone purchases it. That actually really pissed me off.
This is why women can't purple hat. Fucking bitches. Yeah. Ru purchased it. That actually really pissed me off. Yeah. Yeah. This is why women can't purple hat.
Fucking bitches.
Yeah.
You ruined it.
Damn.
You want to do the high noon ad read real quick?
Yeah.
Oh, I just looked it for a second.
I will eat that, by the way.
I'm not letting you eat that.
That's been sitting.
I swear to God, I will.
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They're perfect sweetness, too.
Yeah.
I was worried they were going to be real sweet.
They're not at all. No, no.
They're perfect.
Doesn't taste artificial or anything.
No.
For anyone who joined late,
we have the chat pinned to the dozen voting.
If I win captain of the year,
I think it ends tonight.
We will be doing a case race this month.
Within the month?
Within the month.
We're going to do it the week of the dozen.
We're going to set it up. Okay. Beautiful.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
We're going to have it all
good to go. And this will be the Royal Rumble?
Yeah, because we're going to have a bunch of people here.
So we can get a ton of people involved.
Okay, there he is. He's live.
He's in the car!
Whose car?
It's Jack's.
I love how he said he's not looking.
No blue cars.
No purple ones.
We're not looking for purple cars.
I'll stop that commentary.
It's all purple.
What about a purple bike helmet?
No.
If the person's off a bike.
Oh, purple do-rag hat.
That counts.
That counts, right?
Oh, yeah.
That's a big one. He gets a special car made. Oh, purple do-rag hat. That counts. That counts, right? Oh, yeah. That's a big one.
He gets a special garment.
Dude, look at him peering.
Peering hard.
Oh, this is good-ass content.
Oh, yeah.
Look at him.
Someone is calling the cops on him today.
Look at him.
Clemmer gets killed.
Oh, this is the best content Barstool's ever put out.
Look.
The neck.
Watch him observe.
He's looking so close.
This is not the area.
Say I'm a woman wearing a purple hat and he's leering at me and he tries to explain it.
I would never believe him in a million years.
Oh, you're just out looking for purple hats?
No.
I don't think so pervert it's a really thin man peering outside of my building nice hat look he wants to eat some hats he needs like a popemobile like a little bubble in the top
of the car like a turret this is is Meerkat-esque. Yes.
Oh, dude,
he has Meerkat features.
Yes.
The way he's looking is so funny.
The merch would be incredible.
It would be a purple hat
on a shirt.
He's just staring so hard.
He's moving so fast.
All right. It's heating up down here Oh, yeah, wait wait look where do we think?
Oh my god, oh my god, we think he's got one you might have one No way.
All right.
I'm going to try to pull a bar tool.
You have purple on your hat.
I just wanted – you can see your hat.
Do you have a purple hat?
Is it a purple hat you think?
Nah.
Is your hat considered to be purple or not?
Yeah!
Pull it up.
Pull it up.
We want to see it.
Get it closer.
I want to see the hat.
See if you can hold it.
Get it closer.
Get it closer.
No, get closer.
I want to see it.
I want to see it.
I got to see the hat.
They can't hear us.
Get it closer to the hat.
They can't hear us.
Sell the hat.
Sell the hat.
Go next to the hat.
This is really good content.
Oh, my God.
And he's got Illinois done.
But is this purple?
Yeah, that's purple.
That's purple.
That's purple.
Oh, yeah, that's purple.
Purple hat.
That's purple. Purple hat.
Purple hat.
Wait, that was like 10 minutes.
Yeah, see?
It's easier than anything.
Oh, the country will rally behind us.
Oh, hell yeah.
I would watch 49 more episodes of this.
I know.
Easily.
Why is my heart pounding?
That was proof of concept right there.
Can we get this sold before he gets back?
Whoa.
That was as purple as it gets.
We need him to pitch it to Dave ASAP.
Yeah.
How did he see that?
Oh, man.
We just found the next big franchise.
Holy shit.
One man, 50 purple hats.
Just the way he looks.
Yeah, and he's hunting for...
Everybody says, why?
Brands, purple logos, Taco Bell.
Yeah.
Twitch, Cadbury.
Ooh, Twitch hats.
You could get that.
Yeah.
You could send Clemmer to middle schools.
Or you could just go to Taco Bell.
Milka, the chocolate bars the Blutmans love.
Huge.
Hmm.
I don't know what...
Uniform doesn't count.
Yeah, I don't know what's to come out.
To talk about.
Without... Like, that was so exciting
when's episode 2 come out
it has to soon
like
he can go to Indiana
right now
Wisconsin
yeah
Milwaukee
he could knock out
three states today
if he really
easily
he could do four
yeah
that's what I'm saying
I wonder what like
the fastest time possible
he could
if he had started
Milwaukee
done Chicago
and then gone to
Indiana and then Michigan,
he'd just go right around.
And that would be electric.
I might finance this myself.
Yeah.
I don't know what it's going to take.
And I might never put it out.
I might just watch it myself.
It's like that Wu-Tang record that the pharma bro bought.
Yeah.
This might just be for us.
Fuck.
I think it's two weeks possible no what's the what is the record do we know uh i think i think the record's done and a half yeah no way a month and a half last time i looked yeah
to do the whole country to do purple hat purple hat oh i'm an idiot um
i don't yes i don't know if two weeks it'd be great i think three months we should maybe give To do Purple Hat. Purple Hat. Oh, I'm an idiot.
I don't know if two weeks.
It'd be great to... I think three months.
We should maybe give him a budget,
and then he'll pay the person like 500 bucks to keep the hat.
Oh, if he comes home with...
So then we get the map of the Purple Hats of America?
Oh, if we get a map...
Yeah, with little hooks on each.
Yeah, you're like, oh, that's the one I found.
The state quarters.
Yeah. Yeah.
Damn.
This just keeps getting better.
That would add an awesome wrinkle with negotiating,
because certainly one person's going to say no, right?
Yeah, this is my dad's hat, and he's long dead.
Yeah.
Yeah, he can't.
It doesn't count until you've secured the hat,
and he's got a certain budget.
Whoa, yeah.
So he's got a, yeah.
So we'll give him.
Yeah, because that would be very interesting to try to just go up to someone and be like,
I want that hat.
And we give him five grand.
He's gone through like 48 states and he's only got like 50 bucks left.
Oh, that would be so good.
Then he has to like assault someone for the hat once he's out of the budget.
His Georgia purple hat cost him like two grand.
Yeah.
Blew the whole budget.
He just got tired of being in Georgia. Yeah, suck dick Georgia purple hat cost him like two grand. Yeah. Blew the whole budget. He just got tired of being in Georgia.
Yeah, suck dick for purple hat.
He could go
on the weekends, every weekend to a new state.
Yeah. That'd be incredible.
Living in New York, he could easily
knock out like ten states
in a couple weekends. No.
Okay, yeah. New York, New Jersey,
Philly, Connecticut. I'm thinking he could get 10 in a day.
In the North of England?
Like, even in the whole East.
Yeah.
I'd agree.
It'd be just a road trip.
Yeah.
He could get
Wisconsin, Illinois,
Indiana, Michigan,
Ohio, West Virginia,
PA today alone.
I would be glued.
Wow.
He has no idea
what just happened.
His life has changed forever
It's the purple hat man
Yeah
There's
He can't say no to this now
Right?
I mean
The proof of concept's there
Yeah
I genuinely clapped
And was excited when he found it
Yeah
He was excited
And it could just be
It doesn't have to all be live
It could just be videos that he releases
I want a really high budget intro
Yeah My name's
chris klemer all the money on the internet and i'm out to do the impossible i don't know what
he sounds like a little kermit the frog yeah that's just that's yeah we could bet too on the
states like how long it will take them oh yeah awesome that touches down what about with certain
purple hats like he gets
some kind of bonus like a purple beret like certain rare hats get a certain hats yeah and
get them extra money or extra yeah no well no duplicates is part of the rule that's right
so no duplicates no uniforms right uh helmet only if it's off a bike yep it's yeah wow he's got to do he has to do this now yeah yeah a visor does not count
does it i think it counts it's got to be very purple okay yeah the visor's got to be predominantly
purple like in your face whoa purple okay i think you mean i even wanted to kind of challenge the
last one.
I didn't want to say anything. The rainbow was all purple.
Yeah, I think the fact that it was a purple logo.
I don't know if it was 51, though.
It was a 51.
Logo and the top.
Yeah, and the bill.
So that's close.
And then I bet you the back strap.
These are just things we need to hash out.
But if you saw that hat, you'd be like, that's purple.
It's definitely a purple hat.
Guy in the purple hat.
Yeah.
Black hat. It was very black. I'd say a guy in the black hat, you'd be like, that's purple. It's definitely a purple hat. Guy in the purple hat. Yeah. Black hat.
I'd say a guy in the black hat
with the purple on it.
I wouldn't.
Purple to him?
Don't tell me it was purple accent.
See, look,
we're talking about this debate.
Can you pull up the,
can you pull up the close,
zoom in on the hat?
Let's find the model hat online.
The whole brim was purple.
I know.
No, but the brim.
But was it 51%?
But the hat,
the brim was purple,
not the hat.
Exactly.
You would say that's a purple hat. All right, so let's call it the hunt for purple but the brim. But was it 51%? But the hat. The brim was purple, not the hat. Exactly. You would say that's a purple
hat. Alright, so let's call it
the hunt for purple hats or brims. Or we could call it
the color purple. I like that.
Yeah.
I don't know if that was a purple hat.
We've got to find out what that hat was.
It was a black hat with a purple brim.
There was a purple logo.
The black hat with the purple logo.
Sure, there was purple in it a black hat. Yeah, but there was a purple logo. Right, and that's what it was. The black hat with the purple logo. Sure, there was purple in it.
It's a purple hat.
Is Nick's hat red?
So, no.
No.
Not even close.
It's red and blue.
Yeah, that's what it was.
I would say, if I was like...
Is that a red hat?
If it had a big red logo right here...
Oh, you're right.
That's not a red hat.
That's a blue hat.
If that guy robbed you and you were describing it to the cops, you'd say the guy in the black
hat with the purple brim.
I wouldn't say.
Right.
I would say the black and purple hat.
A guy like me.
Fuck.
To each their own.
Fuck.
But if you bought it online, it would be under purple.
Look at what he's done.
He's a creative genius.
I don't know.
We are. It's the people we're talking. These at what he's done. He's a creative genius. I don't know. We are...
These are the kind of controversial...
That's a very black hat.
That's a small bill too.
That's a small bill.
It's a shallow bill.
That's a black hat.
The logo's purple too.
Take off your headphones real quick.
We're talking about the majority purple.
Is the top pinned?
Is that?
Surface area.
That's red.
That's the same thing.
What Nick has going on is the exact same thing.
I'm at a 46% purple.
Well, that's what we should do.
When he gets back, we'll ask him what color is Nick's hat.
If you had to pick one.
Oh, yeah.
He's going to know.
He's smarter than that.
For the sake of competition, though,
I think that...
Are we just going full purple?
That's going to be tough.
But that's the...
If episode one were just...
That was a given.
You didn't even get out of the car.
DQing him here, though,
might stifle his creative urges. MightQing him here, though, might stifle his creative
urges.
Might make him hungrier, though. Let's tell him it's purple.
Hey!
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Clemmer. Yeah. Great job.
Incredible. If you had to pick
one color, what color is Nick's hat?
Red.
Yeah, he knew.
He's smart.
There's more purple on
that hat. So I asked
the gentleman, I said, what color do you think your hat is? I don't know if you guys can hear me.
He said purple. Okay, that helps.
That does help your case. What do you think?
I mean, this is thrilling. I think we found
something. It was super exciting.
If nothing else, we could just put this picture out
from the main Barstow account and say,
is this hat purple or black? Oh, yeah.
That's fine.
That'll do numbers.
Flopman, tweet that.
I'm actually curious.
What color is this hat? Purple or black?
Eddie, the gentleman,
said it was purple.
So we
thought the other wrinkle would be that you have a certain budget and you have to
buy the hat off the person.
Clemmer, you have to do it.
So we want a mural.
Clemmer, look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
We joke around on the show.
Yeah, yeah.
This is not a fucking joke.
You have to do this.
If it gets sponsored, I would do this.
Sure.
We already saw it.
I'll start doing it in different states.
Sure.
When I go back home to New York, I'll do it.
We have a high six-figure deal from talkies.
Oh, wow, yeah.
And 1,000%.
Of course.
Of course.
But I think if we have the map of the U.S. right behind Kate with hooks,
and then you bring back a hat and it's very victorious, you hang it up.
Because I bought it from the gentleman.
Yes, do a hat.
Yeah, no, of course, 100%.
I think this is a really good idea.
I think it is, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, as long as I don't need to do it all at once.
I can do it in stages.
Of course, you could do weekend. There's some easy states.
Yes.
Yeah.
Now, you guys were saying, does every hat have to be...
So, if I get a Rockies hat from someone in Colorado...
I'm going to Denver.
I won Rockies.
No dupes.
I cannot...
Now, can I do another Rockies hat that's not the exact same?
You know what I mean?
No more Rockies. So, one's a Rockies hat that's Not the exact same You know what I mean No more Rockies So once the Rockies
Like one brand
One per brand
One Ravens hat
I think the strategy
Would be to try not to
Find a Rockies hat in Colorado
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah right
Right right
Yeah
Yeah
Alright yeah
No I will start
Collecting hats
Starting today
Do you want to go back
And buy that guy's hat
I don't know if I have Time to hats starting today. Do you want to go back and buy that guy's hat?
I don't know if I have time to do that today.
You'll find another one.
That took you 10 minutes.
It didn't take me long, no.
It helped driving.
Jack McCartney did a good job driving,
stopping me when I yelled at him to stop.
You were locked in, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Was it fun?
Yeah.
It was a little, you know what it was like?
Or Where's Waldo?
Sure. It felt a lot like that.
I couldn't imagine why. Yeah. But it felt a lot like that. I couldn't imagine why.
But it felt a bit like that same sensation when you find him.
Well, you're searching for him.
Yeah, of course.
Yes.
I'm tracking.
Pretty good metaphor.
Same excitement.
I'm trying to relate the search.
All right, serious.
I'm pissed.
Hide and seek.
It's like a treasure hunt almost.
Yeah, yeah.
Huh.
Yeah. It's like the hidden pictures in'm pissed. Hide and seek. It's like a treasure hunt almost. Yeah, yeah. Huh. Yeah.
It's like the hidden pictures in a Hallmark magazine.
You guys should be very impressed with me, I think.
I am.
That was quick.
That was quick.
It was awesome.
All right, good.
You found an almost purple hat.
And you went up the car.
Okay.
And Eddie, you made a friend.
I don't know if he was my friend.
I don't know.
He seemed more bewildered and confused, which is, you know, not a bizarre, not an unusual
reaction.
So take yourself back to that position you're in, talking to Eddie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now you have to negotiate the hat off of him.
How do you think you can pull that off?
Yeah, I mean, I did sales for 20 years.
All right.
Yellow pages.
KB's Eddie.
Try to get his hat.
Oh, yeah.
I love your hat.
If I gave you $30, could I have that hat?
Cash right now?
This means a lot to me.
Oh, really?
Oh, I understand that.
How much are you willing to give it up for?
I'll give you...
What about those Packers shoes?
I need my shoes, but I'll give you cash right now.
I don't know, man.
This hat's important.
What's your price?
It's my grandfather's.
Oh, all right.
I can see it means a lot
alright
I understand that for sure
so what are you thinking
what's a good price
for you
a fair price
$400
how about I give you
$200 right now
deal
oh shit
alright
that would work
wow
wow
that was good
you gotta listen
to the customer
acknowledge their objection
so he said grandfather
and you say grandfather back
because you're saying
alright I understand your problem
I hear your problem
That way you build a bond
Holy shit
And you get a price
Okay you do me now
About 50% asking
I got a purple hat
You have a purple hat
Yeah
Okay
I like to buy this hat
I like to
Are you Chris Clemmer
From Barstool Sports
I am
I am yeah
Thank you
I'll tell you what
I'll give you this hat
But I need a meeting
With Dave Portnoy
I don't know if I can do that But I could You know him I do know His phone number I am. I am. Yeah, thank you. I'll tell you what. I'll give you this hat, but I need a meeting with Dave Portnoy.
I don't know if I can do that, but I could.
You know him.
I do know him.
His phone number?
Let's call him right now.
I'm super busy.
Can we call him right now? I don't know if he'd take my call, but you know who would?
Do you know Dan Cat?
No, I don't.
That guy sucks.
No, no.
People like him.
He's very great.
No, that guy fucks.
He might even win best captain.
No, people seem to enjoy him.
I want Dave Portnoy on the phone right now.
I don't really even pick up my call.
Is there anybody else you like at Barstool? I can't give you my hat. I want Dave Portnoy on the phone right now. I don't really even pick up my call. Is there any bail if you like him, Barstool?
I can't give you my hat.
I want Dave Portnoy on the phone.
I know you have his number.
I don't know if you didn't pick up my call, to be honest with you, sir.
I do love your hat very much.
Well, you won't know unless you try.
It's true.
It's true.
So would you really?
I'll tell you what.
Would you do $200?
If you FaceTime Dave Portnoy right now.
Quite a budget.
If you FaceTime Dave Portnoy right now and he doesn't pick up,
I'll still give you the hat.
Okay, we can do that.
Okay, so let's do it.
I don't think he's going to pick up.
I'd say that.
I'd give you the hat even if he doesn't pick up.
I'm going to call Dave.
I'll call Dave.
Clemmer, you're the best.
We know.
Oh, you really do?
Yes, yes.
All right, I'll try.
I'll try.
You want this hat or no
I'll try
He's gonna be annoyed
He just said last week
He didn't like me
So that's good
I did
My contract's up next month
This is good timing for me
Well you have a brand new
Content idea
Yeah
The hat thing
You can't be let go
When you're in the middle of this
Yeah it's true
Well
That's true
Alright
I don't know if he
i can do the facetime apparently should i try to do the facetime here
yeah ready 1100 votes 52 purple yes oh let's go thank you we're yaks pro climber crowd yes yeah
um do you really want me to facetime dave i can if you want yeah just give it a try
it's fine It's fine
Put it up to
Probably gonna get unemployed
In a month anyway
I'm gonna be able to run down
I'll explain it to him
In 20 minutes
Put it up to
You're not gonna get in trouble
He's not picking up
Ah shit
Can you hear it ringing
Yeah
Alright well you know what
I promised you the hat
So here's the hat Thank you sir I appreciate that Yes you tried it ringing? Yeah Alright well you know what I promised you the hat So here's the hat
Thank you sir
I appreciate that
Yes you tried
I did try
Yeah
It would have been great
If you picked up
It would have been great
You tried
You tried
You get the hat
Oh but it's the same one
You got from Kyle
Oh
Son of a bitch
Shit
I'm waiting for the text
From Dave
Leave me alone
Or something to that extent
No I'll tell him
That we were You were on the act today Don't worry He doesn't hate you for the text from Dave leave me alone or something. No I'll tell him that
we were you were on
the act today.
Don't worry.
He doesn't hate you.
He said he didn't
like me.
He didn't say he
hated me.
He said he didn't
like me on last
week's unnamed
show.
But when he's like
considering me for
surviving Barstool I
don't like Climber
but.
What was the yeah
what was the.
He's like I he's
like if I had
Climber on surviving
Barstool he's hard
headed and he'll get
into a fight with
someone so it might
be good content.
Yeah that's.
Which I would give
I would love I've loved Survivor since day one like 2000 like i've been
watching it i love survivor so much that's like my ultimate dream to do that show you also have
deep notes who you are and has an opinion on you that's good oh of course would you be bombed if
you're not invited no i mean you i mean no i've been in the company two years like i would be
thankful if i was invited you can't be upset if you're not that's just can't look at things like
that wait has he reached out to you no oh no he just simply brought me up in a name show last I would be thankful if I was invited. You can't be upset if you're not. You can't look at things like that.
Wait, has he reached out to you?
No.
Oh.
No.
He just simply brought me up in a name show last week.
Got it.
When he heard that, I was shocked.
Yeah.
It's a pretty big company.
You know, pretty new, pretty low on the totem pole.
Clemmer, what do you think about Kirk's basketball team?
We're going to play them next week.
Oh.
Oh, is that officially happening?
New York versus Kirk.
Monday.
Obviously not today.
A week from today.
Oh, you think you're going to win?
I know we're going to win.
I know we're going to win by double digits.
Coleman said he's going to break Dana's jaw.
We'll see how that goes.
Yeah.
Jeff, you always say to me.
Who's your starting five?
Are you going to have Mulcahy out there?
Absolutely.
I think Mulcahy. He's really good.
Mulcahy's really good, and Hubs is pretty good.
And I think those two can – Beanbag Ron is awesome, and Kirk's awesome.
So I think that might neutralize those two to some extent.
But they have no one who can guard Dana, Billy, and Marty.
What about – what if Mick somehow is more than 33% health-wise?
So Mick will play four minutes?
I'm just saying.
As opposed to two?
I'm not too worried about Mick.
I'm not too worried.
I know Mick said he's the best basketball player on the team,
which is just insane.
Well, he's been dealing with health issues.
He has Crohn's disease.
Where are you guys playing?
Berlin, Connecticut.
Oh, nice.
Meet in the middle.
I like it.
I don't know how you missed.
I think we're all right.
The angle.
Dude, it's breathtaking.
You know what's funny, though?
If he's in the paint, he's pretty good.
I was coaching him up a little bit last week.
And when he's in the paint, he's good.
When he does that, it's insane.
The physics of that shot do not make sense.
It's crazy. I he does that, it's insane. The physics of that shot do not make sense. It's crazy.
It's crazy.
I'm excited for that game.
I mean, their team, I'm obsessed with their team.
Every game is must-watch for me.
Their announcers are incredible.
Yep.
I'm right there with you.
I'm watching.
The second it's on, I stop early in my house.
Everything.
It's must-watch.
Yeah. What happens if they beat you?
Yeah, I would be absolutely demoralized.
It would be really rough.
I don't see how it's possible.
It may be the greatest upset in sports.
Oh, yeah.
Easily.
Is there anything at stake or it's just shame?
Shame.
A lot of shame.
If we lose, that is a tremendous.
Well, I think Kirk also wants to harden his guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Excellent.
Because I think they already got one.
Trying to get a playoff spot, which I think they already got one, right?
There's like a winner's bracket and I think the gold's bracket and the silver bracket.
But I think that Kirk's team can win a couple games.
Yeah.
They're getting better.
They're out of gas.
Right.
But what could happen?
The first game, they were up in the first quarter and lost.
Second game, they were up at the half and lost.
Like, if they can just improve their conditioning, they're going to win some games.
I have a lot of confidence in them.
Just not against us.
Alright, well, Clemmer, it's been
a joy having you here. Thank you, guys.
We'll spin the wheel.
Purple hat
is a hit.
So I'll be back for the dozen when I come back.
I'm going to have a purple hat in my possession.
One? At least one. I think we I'm going to have a purple hat in my possession One?
At least one I think we've got to make this a real show
I want this bad
No joke, we were on the edge of our seat excited laughing
I promise I'll be bringing back at least one
Purple hat in two weeks
At least one, that's fair
At least three
I don't know if that would be possible
Connecticut, right?
I don't know, well, I will be going to K I'll look around, I don't know if I would be possible. Connecticut, right? I don't know. Well, I will be going to K.
I'll look around.
I don't know if I'll have enough time to.
New York, New Jersey, and then do Illinois.
Well, I'm going to Illinois the second I get off this show.
I'm going to start doing Illinois.
Okay, there we go.
Yeah.
Are we counting the one he found today?
I have to buy it.
I have to buy it.
That was a proof of concept.
And the has to be purple. For sales. But we also have to negotiate what kind of budget I have for this. So He has to buy it. That was a proof of concept. And the hat has to be purple.
For sales.
But we also have to negotiate
what kind of budget I have
for this so I know
how much to offer you
these hats.
Well, we gotta get
the sponsorship.
We have to get the sponsor.
So until I have that,
it's hard for me
to start buying these hats.
Yeah.
We gotta find a sponsor.
Yeah, gotta find a sponsor.
Alright, let's spin the wheel.
Everyone, please vote.
We're gonna do a case race
if I win Captain of the Year.
I think the voting ends
at 7 p.m. tonight. You're a high energy guy. What about something like a product that gets you caffeinated as shit? If everyone please vote We're going to do a case race If I win captain of the year I think the voting ends At 7pm tonight
You're a high energy guy
What about something
Like a product
That gets you caffeinated
As shit
Sure
Absolutely
That cold brew looks good
Yeah
Yeah
What about women's feminine care
Keep a lookout for your PH
Ooh
Purple hat
Yeah
OB
Thank you so much
For having me guys
Yes
Thank you everyone for watching
We'll see everyone tomorrow
We'll find out if there's a case race tomorrow
Yeah we'll find out if there's a case race
Yeah let's do it
I want a case race
What's the scheduling with
I don't know when his rat race is
It's sometime this week
So maybe Clemmer will be back on
Wednesday
Alright see everyone tomorrow.
It's the act. It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap.
It's the act.
It's the act. Happy birthday, Kate.
See you all tomorrow.
TJ's back.
Have a great Monday night.
Bye.