The Yak - Legends are Made in Fart Eliminator: Part 3 | The Yak 4-11-24

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Yeah, you should save all these later. Oh, I like that. Hello, it's the Yak. Roback.com, promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Roback.com, promo code Yak. We got a full house. Willie and Fights are here. Kate is back. And this is our first YAK without OJ. Yeah. All right, Pete. He was a huge YAK fan. I heard he had a lot of kiss coins.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Imagine if they went through his computer and he watched the YAK every day. I thought you were going to say child. Oh, yeah, that's true. That would have been crazy. What would you do if OJ presented you with a kiss coin? I'd have to kiss him. Rules are rules, right? Yeah, I'd have to kiss him.
Starting point is 00:01:13 If OJ watched The Yak, I would convince myself that he didn't kill that woman. Yeah, oh, instantly. Yeah, that's all it takes. These are great days on Twitter when people are being so brave, being like, he was a murderer. Yeah. Oh, okay. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:01:27 He's like so extreme though. Like there's no like new jokes to make. But I saw like Kyle Brandt had a tweet. It was just like my thoughts on OJ and it was just murderer on a video. It was like, okay, that was quite brave. He's standing up for everybody who's been silenced.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Yeah. Being excited for OJ. I saw a Bomani Jones at one where it's like, That was quite brave of you. He's standing up for everybody who's been silenced. Yeah. Being excited for OJ. I saw Bomani Jones at one where it's like, we're about to see what it was like. You know, the hypothetical is always, what would Twitter have been like in the OJ? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:57 He's like, we're about to find out. I don't think it's going to be like that. Say what you will about OJ. He was way better football player than person that's about it unless for some reason horrifically murdering a woman isn't a sin yeah true but i also love that saying because it's it's you could say like it's wrong anytime anyone uses it when they're like jj watt as good as he was at football he's a better person like no i would make him a point oh oh oh oh one percent person like there's like, no. I would make him a.00001% person. There's no chance.
Starting point is 00:02:27 He'd be canonized as a saint. He'd have to walk on water. He was one of the greatest football players. He's an even better person. Not true. He was one of the greatest football players. Also, how the fuck do you know? Right.
Starting point is 00:02:39 There's just no way he's a better person than a football player. That's a great point. That's great. Will, you could say that. Oh, yeah. no way he's a better person than a football player. That's a great point. There's a lot of people. Will, you could say that. Wait, wait, Will, do you think you are a better person? You're a better person than a football player.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Will would have to hold the door open for you once. I like that Will's brain caught as soon as I pointed. He was like, whoa. I know where this is going. I was thinking, God, somebody's about to get me. Will said, bless you after I sneezed. I was like, yep, there it is.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Will tipped 18%. Better person. Yeah, it's never true when anyone ever says that. You guys might remember him for these stats, but he's such a better guy than he was an athlete. He's not Mother Teresa. I did send TJ one. The one nice thing, well, I shouldn't say nice thing. One thing about OJ dying is that all these old clips are coming up.
Starting point is 00:03:40 He was wild. I sent you this one, TJ. I want you guys to watch it. Oh, yeah. You promise that you will not ask me another question about your case? I sent you this one TJ. I want you guys to watch I know yeah That you will not ask me another question about you again. We won't have to talk about it anymore. Just did you do it? No, I did After we finished filming OJ said to me that he had a surprise for me and I genuinely genuinely was surprised. I think it was his idea of a joke.
Starting point is 00:04:06 And this is it. I didn't see that. Crazy. That's insane. That's crazy. He could run the ball, though. He could run the ball. He could run that rock.
Starting point is 00:04:24 That's crazy. I wonder what his post-incident body count is. That's a really good question. Probably pretty high. There's a whole theory that it was his son. Well, sex or actual bodies? Sexually. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Yeah, sexually, yeah. Who was the first and how quickly the first woman. I'd venture to guess it's higher than everyone in the minds yeah yeah i bet he was fucking during the trial oh yeah yeah that's probably how you know but he was in jail i bet he's fucking during the trial but he didn't go i mean he went to jail what in his 50s no but he was in jail during the trial oh oh right right right but when he got out yeah it's clean yeah. You think so? Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah, I think so. Dude, there's women that are very into that shit. Yeah. I believe that. There's stories you hear every time somebody says, I saw him in a nightclub, he was surrounded by four beautiful women. Yeah. I mean, he's a good looking guy.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Yeah. Rich guy. And then as I, Brandon, you can speak to this better, but as I understand it, that case was pretty black America versus white America. And it was celebrated that he was found innocent. Gotcha. Yeah, there were some of that. There were some of that.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Uh-huh. Yeah. So that's a pretty big pool to pull from for OJ. I mean, the documentary was awesome. If no one saw it, the 30 for 30. But I think he liked white women. Yeah, no, he did. And also, he lived 76 years. but also disliked a lot he only killed two people in 76 years and there's something that's not that bad there's something
Starting point is 00:05:55 about being like well he's not gonna kill me right it's like flying after a plane crash it's like it's not gonna happen yeah they got it out of the system. Yeah. I could change him. He did a video saying, Sam Morrell tweeted, he did a video saying that he was doing fine like a couple days ago. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:18 And he was like, oh, what? OJ lied? Got us again. It's fucked up. Yeah. No more OJ. Who would be the biggest death right now trump that would surpass oj obama or trump yeah it'd have to be trump because he's like the most
Starting point is 00:06:35 polarizing person yeah there would be a lot of so elon tweets diddy would be big right now diddy would yeah that would now Yeah that would Is OJ The front page of ESPN right now TJ Almost certainly It has to be We have a long standing bet when Donald Sterling dies I think he'll be For a brief moment front page
Starting point is 00:06:57 There it is He was in naked gun movies He was very funny That's how I'll remember him He was in every commercial Back Gun movies, right? He was very funny. He was funny. Yeah. That's how I'll remember him. He was in every commercial. Yeah. Back in the 80s and 90s.
Starting point is 00:07:11 How many yards do you think you'd give up to OJ? Prime OJ or dead OJ? Prime OJ. How many carries is he getting? 20. He'd probably average 3.4 yards per game. I mean, I like that. I like that. Yeah, you still got it. Yeah. You still got it. Going low on him.4 yards per game. I like that. I like that. Yeah, you still got it.
Starting point is 00:07:25 You still got it. Going low on him. Yeah. No problem. No problem. Meet him in the air again. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:07:34 So what's up? What's up, everyone? Mini golf finale tonight. I think we're all out of the money. Sure am. We all are. Will, you're out. I'm out of the money, but there is a nice side bet going on with the four-play guy.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Oh, Steven, you're not out of the money. Steven. I'm absolutely not. Where are you? Che's up there. Where are you, Che? I'm minus 25, so I'm three or four shots back in the lead. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Well, no. You're like 15. Sorry, sorry. I'm not in the lead. In the money. Yeah. That's what I care about. I'm gunning for fourth.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I did exactly what I said I was going to do yesterday, and that was play the best round in the first round and then just slowly dip. I know, watching the stand leaderboard kind of go, I'm just in my head, I would put one on my back. Big Cat was right. Yep, I was right. I think I'm three for three now on mini golf tournaments where I have a leader share the lead on the first round and then fold. See ya.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Yeah. Mentally. Not like mini hand though. It's such a mental game. It's like there's a correlation between mini golf skills and ice in your veins Yeah well also if you're good at golf Like Whitney is good at golf So I think mentally he's like confident You play if you putt a lot
Starting point is 00:08:35 Whereas I'm like mentally like every putt I'm about to make I'm like I'm gonna miss this If there's just like that much space I'm like I could easily Miss this bat. Yeah, just shooting it all over the place. It's been fun, though. I didn't realize I was going to be into it.
Starting point is 00:08:53 And by the time we got to the third hole on the first round, I was like, oh, I'm into this. It's fun. It's also tiring. Oh, we got to do the fart wheel. Yeah, fart eliminator for today. Oh, no. I was hoping to come in here and just rip one right off the bat and i can't i can't oh oh today's the day yeah what's the fart eliminator
Starting point is 00:09:13 this show doesn't end until we all fart everybody everybody whatever you want if you just had one in the chamber hey i was gonna bring one tomorrow it went twice but you were talking i know i think i heard it both times i mean was that a fart was that a fart so i'm gonna try to i'm gonna try to get another one going there's a nice little yeah this is where i get silent on the show and i just try to like move did you do one will there are two little ones yeah i think i heard them they were small um desperation tactics i guess we'll save but i want to get into a dog pile okay yeah do what what do you mean i think like compression claustrophobia will catalyze flatulence like a tussle open up the elementary dog pile she wants to all get in like a tussle open up the elementary she wants to all get in like a pile if we have if it comes
Starting point is 00:10:06 down to lay on each other we have a lot of time yeah yeah everyone could just work on it i brought kate i'd like to request for your fart to not be uh while the camera's on you no i'm gonna i i owe the people i owe the people i'm gonna like fully spread my cheeks i'll shit myself a little santino and uh bobby lee they were like doing a live show and this they had throughout this clip the other day and this this chick was just queefing into the microphone oh what it's a good one too they had the microphone in front of her and you just hear have you seen the lady that can blow bubbles what yes she puts bubbles in there and she can like blow bubbles out of it is it true that when when women fart it can
Starting point is 00:10:52 go up the front yeah oh up the front i think i was just learning that the other day is that true are you talking about a queen yes and up front yeah but is that but is that how that happens? Bro, you've never had a fart go up the front? Can I explain what happens? I'm saying, then they recycle. What do you mean? It goes up the sides of your balls.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah, yeah. You know what it does? Sides of your balls? Sides of your balls. Look at me. No. Kyle, KB, when you've got a slow-releasing one, and you feel it kind of go up the front. Wait, can I explain what it is? Oh, Brennan. Brennan when you got a slow-releasing one and you feel it kind of... It goes up the front.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Wait, can I explain what it is? Oh, Brandon. Brandon, you gonna fart? Careful, you might fart in... Yeah, what if you fart when you pee? I'm not gonna fart one day. Piss right here. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Wait, pretend your nose is the clitoris. Can you lean forward a little bit? This is what it does. Say my finger's the fart. Here, look towards me. That bloop. Oh. Got it does. Save my fingers the fart. Here, look towards me. That bloop. That got your nose. Bloop. Yeah. That happened to my boss. It's kind of like
Starting point is 00:11:52 a dog with its head out the window. What I'm asking is, when you fart, it goes up the front and then you recycle it. Oh, it goes in the hole. It gets gobbled up. That's like a turducken, right? Well, then you would queef it. No, I think that's a twice-baked.
Starting point is 00:12:07 You suck in a twice-baked fart? Imagine you just recycle one. Oh, hang on. It's still there. Does this fart smell like pussy a little bit? You'd really have to try. You got one? No. Every time somebody's moving yeah it's gotta be everyone you want to make a little
Starting point is 00:12:29 uh maybe maybe steven you can make like a leaderboard or something where we have check marks just so we can yeah so no one no one's got it yet yeah so no one's got it yet will scored yeah yeah but i that was it i promise you would heard two little ones. That was Fielder's choice. We kind of expect a lot out of you. No doubt. When I stood up. We got a lot of pressure on you. Listen, I'm on record out there.
Starting point is 00:12:53 I love nothing more than farts. Yeah, that's right. You've become a fart guy. Yeah, this show's going to be great for you. And so, KB, I was like, hey, I loved your well-placed fart with Brandon Walters. That was a good fart. Great fart. Axe in here? is going to be great for you. I was like, hey, I loved your well-placed fart with Brandon Walters. That was a good fart. Great fart. Yeah, we might need some sort of...
Starting point is 00:13:10 I don't know. Oh, you know what actually we have that's a guaranteed fart? It's goldfish. Goldfish? Well, this is just me convincing myself. I'm convinced the air inside the goldfish is just instant farts. Should we split a box? I'm convinced the air inside the goldfish is just instant farts.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Should we try that? Should we test that? You're just eating air. Oh, oh, oh, okay. I see what you want with the bag. No, no. When you eat goldfish, you're eating air. That's logical.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Yeah, there's air inside of each goldfish. If you swallow it. I'm going to need a few. I just farted. I didn't get up. That doesn't count by any stretch of the imagination. I'm going to need a few. I just farted. I didn't get up. That doesn't count by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just telling you. Did it speak out or did you know a fart was coming?
Starting point is 00:13:50 I knew it was coming, but I was testing the waters. TJ, does that mic work? That's like the area I'm kind of in where it's like, I should stand up and embarrass myself. The boom mic? Yes. Mike on a mic stand to your right. You almost push and then you just get like a little crack.
Starting point is 00:14:06 That's the area I'm always in. I live in that. Oh, we got a fart mic. And you got to make a decision. Do I sit here and continue to build this up? Yeah. Are you building something? Are you a year away from being a year away?
Starting point is 00:14:19 Just get some draft picks. Get it moving. You farted in there, didn't you? Does anybody else have like zero trace of a fart right now? I have zero. I have zero. Okay. I took a shit right before this.
Starting point is 00:14:30 I'm empty. I'm empty. Fully empty. Does having to shit correlate to having to fart? Yes. I think if I didn't shit, I would have already farted. You're more likely to fart if you have a shit load. But is that just because the ass is open to get rid of the shit?
Starting point is 00:14:42 I feel like a lot of people have a warning fart, like, right before you poop. Not me, but. We should get some. Hey, I got a funny one that Shane sent the other day. I forget the dude's name, but he's, like, in his house right now, and he sent him this audio file. Hey, dude, real quick. This is elite. that's a that's a post-pollin awesome it's a dirt bike i'm waiting for an edm drop
Starting point is 00:15:15 oh no that's not possible oh my god was it was it old crank anchors or adam sandler the one the track where it was him pissing and Oh my god Was it Crank Yankers or Adam Sandler The one the track where it was him Pissing and farting That sounds Crank Yankers Good humor yeah
Starting point is 00:15:33 No no no I'm saying You're thinking of the ice cream I was thinking all of humor And he said good humor Your mind was on the ice cream Should we order Should I order like a case of soda You just got yourself. I was saying all the humor. Yes. And he said good humor. Your mind was on the ice cream. Should we order, should I order like a case of soda? What's the best?
Starting point is 00:15:51 Yeah, all right, all right. Like some carbonation. Soda will do it. Soda will help us. Well, we can yak. I can't. I have to focus on farting. Unfortunately. We don't have to.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Uh-oh. Kate? No, no, no. I'm just shifting. I'm shifting don't have to. Uh-oh. Kate? No, no, no. I'm just shifting. I'm shifting. I'm sorry. I'm shifting. No one's allowed to move.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Just shifting. Okay. It did seem like you were taking a fart posture. No, I know. People wanted this. I'm trying. You were mad when it didn't happen? People were big mad.
Starting point is 00:16:20 I have my DMs. They were mad? Yeah, you fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you fucked up. yeah yeah you fucked what happened i this hit on friday you're supposed to do it when it happens it's like you can't leave the show till it happens and we disrespected the wheel we left the show without farting so the i put on the wheel i was like what we'll do is we'll do a wheel where it's no fart fart fart, because you can't just be like, one day we're going to do it, because then everyone will come locked and loaded.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Right. So you need the surprise. Like, right now I'm sitting here, I don't have anything. So I'm in trouble. So we've got to get soda and goldfish. Yeah. Soda, goldfish. I'll tell you, I'm not in trouble.
Starting point is 00:16:59 I'm sitting pretty. Let's step up to the plate. I just know it's there. Get us going. But here's what you can do. You can start one early and still just joint. You get another one. I don't know if I'm quite there yet, but I'm definitively not in trouble. I'm comfortable
Starting point is 00:17:15 right now. What else? What else we got? What do we got on the prep sheet? Oh, dude, we had Mincy in our golf group yesterday. Oh, yeah. And he kept getting lost on the course. Oh, yeah. What?
Starting point is 00:17:31 Actually lost? He couldn't stop going to the wrong hole and was just standing around like an old man not knowing where he was. Mm-hmm. And the holes are very sequential. It's very you get off that hole and the other hole is right in front of you. The whole thing's on a basketball court. Yeah, you can see every single one.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Or just stick with your group. You just get wandering off. And they are numbered very clearly. He recooked a grilled cheese with Chef Donnie. And somehow, this might have been worse. I heard it was worse. Oh, hey, Donnie! Get us on the board.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. Yay. Yeah. No, I'll tell you what. I might cover all of us today. That was a nice dollop.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Yeah. Yeah. A little premature. TJ, is it better? Yeah. You had to push a little bit. I'm afraid mine's going to be feminine. Honestly, I'm afraid mine's going to be feminine. Honestly, I'm afraid mine's going to be feminine.
Starting point is 00:18:28 TJ, would it be better to use the stick mic? Because it doesn't have the whole room when you turn it on? Yeah. All right, okay, let's do that. The biggest concern with that mic, I'll tell you, was getting into a squat position. Because then you, ooh, right? Really opening that thing up. really open it up you gotta learn how to keep that butthole contracted
Starting point is 00:18:50 while it's being stretched apart when you're squatting down there it is by the way I should address the fact that I look like I'm lactating I'm a spill guy now it is what it is I I'm a spill guy now. It is what it is.
Starting point is 00:19:09 I've been a spill guy since the dawn of time. I spill once a day. I would have taken you for a spill guy your entire life. You're a spill-on-yourself guy on your clothing. I've become one. I never was one. My reflexes have gone. I used to be the greatest ice cream cone
Starting point is 00:19:26 get some Nicky huge unexpected huge I'm a good fuck I'm proud of you bro I'm proud of you that's fucking huge. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:19:48 I'm going to need all these clips, by the way. Text me directly. That was a good fart. Yeah. Good form. Perfect amount of build up. Thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Felt good. Yeah, it felt good. Because I was worried about you. No, no. I just didn't want my ass hole to sound loose. But didn't yesterday you acknowledge that you had one? Yeah, my farts oftentimes don't make noise. But I think that's just like I subconsciously shift.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Yeah. Give a little pull. Yeah. Go on. I got to get some of my back pocket real quick. Oh, man. That was good because I feel like, you were you were someone who struggled last time yeah for sure i just not not out of embarrassment just uh rising because i couldn't fart
Starting point is 00:20:32 brandon how are you doing farting is such an involuntary activity that you never think about farting it always you only think about stopping it so now when you're trying to start it it's dominating my every thought and that was deep yeah that was that was the fuck really some deep fucking shit that was incredible and the landscape. A wife. This fart has... You only think about stopping it. It's like death in a sense. You're only trying to push it away and now you're trying to welcome it. But you never think, oh, I should fart right about now.
Starting point is 00:21:17 I'd like to conjure up a fart. You only play defense against farts. You never play offense. Have any of you had a colonoscopy? Play offense? No. When have you played? Have any of you had a colonoscopy? Play offense? No. When have you played? If you're trying to fuck with your boys?
Starting point is 00:21:27 Not like sitting there like, okay, I'm going to take the next 20 minutes and muster one up. But when one's there, you're like, oh, I kind of got one. Yeah. Yeah. Select your shot. Yeah, but your colon passes you the ball. Right.
Starting point is 00:21:39 And then it says it's your time to shoot, so you shoot. But you can go in attack. Right now I'm trying to bring the ball up. You can go in attack mode once you got it in the chamber. Yeah, you can huddle up and call a play. Yeah, I'm going to do that. It feels like you try to get to where your stomach swallows it back up and you're like, okay, it's gone.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I don't know. I love it when we all just shut the fuck up. If you just move your position a little bit, I just assume you're getting up. I might need snacks. Yeah, I got it. All right, go grab some snacks. It's soda coming? It's go grab this go grab some snacks i my i had a sweet tea earlier a big one and that just makes me want to pee i'm
Starting point is 00:22:13 just peeing a lot you're peeing i'm peeing i know if you don't have a fart in the chamber like if you have to pee before you fart it's kind of hard to push one out because you're gonna start drizzling you know drizzling is the dribbling drizzling dri because you start drizzling. Drizzling? Is the dribbling? Dribbling or drizzling? Well, drizzling is more than a dribble. Drizzling is if I were doing it on something. That's a drizzle.
Starting point is 00:22:33 But you could do it in your pants. You could drizzle in your pants. I'm thinking like a quick half second stream. I think a drizzle is the art of dribbling on top of something. I think it's as cool as... Oh, like on an ice cream sundae? Yeah. You drizzle chocolate sauce on a sundae. Yeah, that is a drizzle.
Starting point is 00:22:47 You could drizzle or slather even. Drizzle when you're pushing. You can slather like on bread. No, slathering is a wand motion. Drizzle is kind of... Dribble, I feel like, is after like a post-P. Dribble is almost involuntary. Yeah, Brandon does that every time.
Starting point is 00:23:03 My dribbles are to the point of second pisses. floor here mine too i've never dribbled onto the floor but i have dribbled large oceanic yeah puddles on my i was actually laying in bed last night um i had just showered and i got in bed it's probably 10 minutes after my shower the shower went and a bunch of water came out yeah and i was like, that's like my fucking piss system. I'll be done, cool, and then. I'll leave the bathroom and turn right around and just have a second piss. A full second piss. I just did that.
Starting point is 00:23:37 It's crazy. I pissed right before the show, and we're 20 minutes in, I've already pissed. And I could go piss again. You're a diabetic. Yeah. That actually is like a kidney problem. Kidneys seem fine. Well, no.
Starting point is 00:23:49 That's... My kidneys are fine. I got enough body parts. Kidneys aren't getting on the first page of problems. What's on the first page of problems? Yeah, I got enough body parts that are due a checkup or a look in. I haven't been to the doctor since I got this job. Wait, Brandon's about to say something.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Have you got the finger up the butt yet? He's about to say something. My vision. No. My whole life, I've been ugly, I've been a little fat, had some big ears. We all get that. Of course.
Starting point is 00:24:19 But I always had perfect vision. Perfect vision. Same way. And about when we were in Vegas for the Super Bowls, the first time I noticed I looked down to read something and it was blurry. And now everything's blurry.
Starting point is 00:24:30 No. Can you read that sign over there? Body armor. No. All the way on the other side of the wall. AGS Adventure Golf and Sports. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:24:38 Innovative Design Ultimate Experience. Oh, you're fine. Blurry though? I can't read that. Oh. Well, it's still... I mean, you're fine. Blurry though? I can't read that. Oh. Well, that's still... I mean, you just can't...
Starting point is 00:24:49 His head is too big for these. Oh, no. I hate it. Will, do you need glasses or do you just wear them to be a cool guy? Both. I have... Oh, no. You're not allowed to answer that.
Starting point is 00:25:02 No. I wear contacts. If the answer to the first one is you need glasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the answer to the first one is yes, the second one is no. But I can also just wear contacts and not wear glasses. Yeah, but you need glasses. If I didn't have contacts. Is your vision bad? Do you need corrective?
Starting point is 00:25:18 Yeah, you need glasses. What's the question? Yes. Yes. Both. Sometimes I'll be like, I. Which is a question. Yes. Yes. Both. Oh, Jesus. Sometimes I'll be like, I kind of look cute today. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:29 What's he having? He's having Cheez-Its. That's smart. What'd you say, Bites? Rigatoni over here. Your answer made sense. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Both. Mine's like, what is yours? You wear contacts. What's your perspective? I don't wear contacts i don't know i've had glasses since like first grade yeah i'm afraid to touch my eyeballs why don't you get uh lasik i'm afraid of that man they put you under you but literally everybody who says it like to me i've just been lazy i haven't gotten it but everybody's like it is the greatest there's a
Starting point is 00:26:00 small percent uh risk of like your eyes just constantly being in pain and it feels like they're sandpaper and there's nothing they could do about it. What percent? I don't know but I saw it on Twitter. I'm gonna try to do contacts. So that's out. I'm gonna try to do contacts this year. Remember when Frank told us that the dentist gave someone AIDS? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:20 Like I don't go to the dentist. The dentist gave me AIDS I was having sex with him. That was the Terry Shivo conversation. Yeah, yeah. He said, is that that woman that got AIDS from her dentist? It's funny when people throw out those, like, fear things that are just very suburban mom. Like, I heard this one time.
Starting point is 00:26:41 STD from a toilet seat. Yeah, right. Can't do that brandon you're gonna get one swallow some air yeah i swallow air every day i breathe what's going on yeah what are you what are you talking about i mean i'm a mouth breather i swallow a lot of air brandon you were a 2015 vision guy what isn't that what it was like you got 2020 2015 is like nine years ago oh my god sorry no go back but hey to that guys who had better than 2020 they always let you know about it oh they brag like oh you know i thought 2020
Starting point is 00:27:21 was perfection right but you can even get even a little bit better. More perfect. That's not perfect. No, I think 2020 is just like really. I think it's like to get into the Air Force or something. That's what I heard. What? The Barack? I was going to say barometer.
Starting point is 00:27:41 That was a tough sentence for me all around, start to finish. What did you say? That was the least confident delivery anybody's ever had in a sentence. Whenever you send something, like, shaking your head at yourself. That was the barrage. He gave up halfway through. I knew it. I don't have it here. All right, so it's normal.
Starting point is 00:28:04 See if you have less than 2020 vision can you be an air force navy pilot you're thinking a little miss sunshine yeah an air force navy pilot uh air force slash you can't be colorblind right is the thing oh yeah i think you don't have to have 2020 vision but you can't be colorblind i have awesome again little miss sunshine you said you have all right i fucking was right i have awesome vision. Again, Little Miss Sunshine is my favorite. You said you have awesome vision. All right. I fucking was right. I have awesome vision. Or better. Whispering.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Yeah. So I said the barometer. Wrong word. But it's the fucking. Yeah. 2020 is average. I'm better than 2020. Where you got to be.
Starting point is 00:28:36 2020 is like the check mark. 2020 means. What I said while being a mess was all correct. 2015 would mean. You're like looking up and you're like, 15 feet. 2020 is average? What's the best? Because I have that.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Yeah, can you be like 1-1? No, the best would be like 105 or something. You see at 100 feet what other people see from 5 feet. Oh, that's how that works? I thought each number was each eye. Yeah, I didn't know what it meant. Wait, so the first one can be over 20? I thought it was like...
Starting point is 00:29:09 I think it's like 2020 and then 2015. 2010 up to like 2015, 2030. Dumb question. Are there vision competitions? I would... If there are vision competitions... I bet you if you Google it... I'd win one.
Starting point is 00:29:22 I don't know. You should just get one going. Yeah. Do you have the Yak Vision competition? Is it 2010? Yeah, 2010. He's peeing a lot. Are you okay?
Starting point is 00:29:34 Minzy versus Clemmer. I'm just peeing a lot. We should chat. He's peeing a lot. I'm just peeing a lot. I'm not... Why is he talking like that? He's been weird lately, man. Yeah. I'm just going a lot. Why's he talking like that? He's been weird lately, man.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I'm just going to go pay you now. What's up with him? We should tell White Sox Dave we're going to do a vision competition and see what he brings. He would cheat. No, but I'm saying he would definitely be like, here's my rebuilding vision for the White Sox. Oh, yeah. You have to come here and win the vision competition. Or like his vision for or like his vision for america you come with like segregation yeah and we're like no dave all we wanted to do was to say the alphabet from across
Starting point is 00:30:12 totally he kind of owes us one from the yeah he does report so we can really make him do whatever anything that sounds well i mean nefarious. You can make him do anything, Steven? Anything? Kyle, have you not farted yet? You're kind of like the fart guy. Snacks right now. You're the fart guy, KB? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Is KB a fart guy? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. I thought you were just pooping your pants guy from that one time. You're a big pooping outside of your pants guy. Like, just you're a shit guy as well. You used to be a shit guy.
Starting point is 00:30:53 If you have any of the following diabetes symptoms to your doctor, that's bad. This is how we caught my high school goalie in hockey had diabetes, and we caught it because he had to keep getting off the ice during practice. Oh, no. And we were like, we don't have any fucking goalie in hockey had diabetes and we caught it because he had to keep getting off the ice during practice oh no and we were like we don't have any fucking goalie dry skin he's got wait go back to that because number three though should save him lose weight without trying that's not yeah that's not he's out on that wait but that is like that was without that that's just brandon feel very tired. Very hungry. Technically, he lost a lot of weight when he was sick that one time,
Starting point is 00:31:30 like somewhat recently in the last year. Didn't he lose like 15 pounds or something like that? He might have diabetes. That the have blurry vision is hanging there pretty dark, seeing as he just brought it up. Just said it. Yeah. We've been saying he's diabetic for a year. Is there any way we can track him?
Starting point is 00:31:46 Oh, I know he is. For a medical fact, yeah. Diagnose him right now. Wait, now. Can we get a trick of his blood? It also, like, he's a self-medicating diabetic because every day he's like, I need my sweet tea. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:03 And then he feels good again. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's a self-medicating diabetic. Dude, and they have diabetic episodes. He's flown into a couple weird rages. Yeah. Mood swings.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Is there like migraines? What's a diabetic episode? What is a diabetes attack? You get kind of loopy. Cool Brandon the other day. That was just drunk. That was drunk, yeah. Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Now he's just, I don't know what he's doing. He's just pacing with the baseball. Why does he have a baseball in his hand? Could be having an episode. It's a little threatening. It is. He's following the PFT. He's been weird lately.
Starting point is 00:32:36 Yes. Look at him. Yeah. What is he doing? What is he doing? What is he doing? He has a cornucopia of disorders. Yes. I think he might be nervous for his birthday.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Oh. Something he got. He did get weird about that. 45. 45 is a big one, right? Yeah. When is it? Saturday, I think. Saturday, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Brandon Walker Day tomorrow? Brandon, why don't you have a seat? We found something that we wanted. We all love you. We all love you. We just want to bring to your attention. Yeah. No matter what happens, man.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Just come take a seat, man. Just come take a seat. Come take a seat. We brought everyone here. Come take a seat. Does everyone have their letters ready? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. seat. Does everyone have their letters ready? Yeah. Come on.
Starting point is 00:33:26 This is an insolent situation. Just know that we're here because we love you. We're here for you. TJ, you want to pull it up? All right. If you have any of the following diabetes symptoms see your doctor about getting your blood sugar tested urinate parentheses pee a lot often at night check are very thirsty check lose weight without trying pass are very hungry check have
Starting point is 00:34:02 blurred god damn it when we pulled it up the blurry vision was like oh no have blurry vision check have number team fuck feel very tired have very drunk i mean we need to get you to a doctor. We do, man. We love you. You'd feel so much better. If she didn't have to go for her back for months, I don't have to go for this.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Right. And we realize, too, Brandon, you might just be self-medicating with sweet tea every day. Do you feel better when you have it? Yeah. I really do. How do I... Is there like a written test for diabetes?
Starting point is 00:34:52 I think you just failed it. Or passed it. Multiple choices. What if they do sweet tea insulin flavor? Like, you know how they used to do different flavors for toothpaste in the dentist? Yeah, fluoride. It was never good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:07 No, it was never. They're like, oh, we got root beer. Orange. And they did have root beer. You want root beer? I don't think you guys have ever had root beer before. This is not it. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Oh, we have mint chocolate chip and root beer. Which one you want? Bubble gum? Like, fuck off. This all sucks. What's going on in your head oh no what what do you what'd you say i don't know you're good thank you i don't know just be hey just be real man just talk Just talk about it. The blurry vision kind of fucked up. That's where we got concerned. Because I've never had a vision.
Starting point is 00:35:46 But it wasn't abrupt. I noticed it. It was abrupt when I noticed it in the Super Bowl. I didn't know it was blurry. I thought it was blurry. I was like, am I having trouble reading this? And my wife gave me her readers, put them on, and then it was perfectly clear. You could just be aging.
Starting point is 00:36:02 But here's the thing, Brandon. Everyone does this. It's the dumbest thing we do as humans where we go to our doctor and we lie to them. The one person who's there to try to help you and they're like, how much do you drink? Like, a couple. Or like, yeah, have you gained weight?
Starting point is 00:36:16 No, I'm fine. If you go and you have it, you'll probably feel so much better. I'll call Dr. Ned Miller and I'll see if I have it. Okay. But you know what I mean? Once medicine works. Oh, here we go.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Oh. Oh. Oh. Grumbling. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. That thing was trying to get out.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Oh, grumbling. That was like a black tarpon. And then like a bounce. Oh, no. Fight. And then like a bounce around. Oh, no. Fight. Dude, I told you guys. I'm sick and comfy.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Yeah, you don't have to go again. I can do this all day. Well, we don't want that anymore. That was like Doug's on the original Far Delimited. It literally sounded like he had put like a duck inside a burlap sack. Started to squeeze it to death. Drowning it. I almost fainted on the way back to the chair.
Starting point is 00:37:15 So you have diabetes too? Yeah. We just all do. Kate, are you close? Chill, chill, chill. Come on, KB. Come on, KB. Would you want to go together? No one's ever asked me that before.
Starting point is 00:37:44 That's really nice oh man 800 calories of snacks for them have you been counting calories kb no no just intuitively the general ballpark yeah yeah are the sodas coming yeah let me check i'm trying to swallow this water with like bunch of air gulps too i just feel gross i'm afraid i'm gonna rip like a what if it's huge i don't know franny you got yours? No. No, my butthole's empty right now.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Oh, no. I'm afraid you're going to go to fart and piss yourself. Yeah, that's why I keep getting rid of it. Yeah. You're going to have such a depressive fart. Depressive? It's like the teacher from Charlie Brown. I just lost at prices, right?
Starting point is 00:38:47 What was that about? All right, I'm getting this, TJ. What are you getting? We're getting a glucose test for you. That's not something I need to do. We'll all test it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't help. We're only doing me.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Even if you all do it, we're only really doing me. What's wrong with that? No, we're all test it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't help. We're only doing me. Even if you all do it, we're only really doing me. What's wrong with that? No, we're all doing it. Brandon, your disease affects all of us. Let's say I have diabetes. Name one way that affects you. I got to make sure you're good with the blood sugar. Name two.
Starting point is 00:39:19 I got to make sure you get your insulin every day. A third. We got to check the beeper that you're going to wear. Oh, you got to wear a beeper. Yeah, you got to wear like a little thing we can get a sponsorship off of you look at wilford brimley you could be like he's dead do you have diabetes oh yeah perfect for you yeah how'd he die diabetes diabetes get him y'all know he was he was like when he got famous and he looked old he was like 48. Yes. What? Yeah. Who is he? He was the diabetes guy. Looks like a walrus. The guy who said like diabetes.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Yeah. He was 48. Maybe not at that time, but he was always famous for being looking like that. Oh, famous for being. He was 48 when he got famous. Yeah. Like in that top right picture, I think he's definitely 48. He's 48.
Starting point is 00:40:02 He's 48 what do you mean he's definitely 48 because he looked just like that when he's 48 search yeah i think he got famous like in the early 80s and he was he looked like that the whole time it's there's definitely there's a there's definitely a Twitter account called the Wilford Brimley line. Is that what it is? Yeah, something like that. And they just, whenever a celebrity gets older than that, they tweet it out. Just a feller. Just a feller.
Starting point is 00:40:38 I'm going to tell Mike to bring him in. Sodas? Yeah. Steve, Mike, what did Mike do the other day that caught you by surprise? I thought I saw Mike's testicles. He thought for sure. Why wouldn't he have? Why did you think that?
Starting point is 00:40:58 Because he posted a video about the eclipse, and it was the eclipse and then some testicles. Yeah, he sent that. That video was so funny. He sent it to me, just sent it to everyone and then he tweeted it he tweeted it it ended up on a mexican news site what they like put it and they didn't really invent it did you see the video no no it was just i saw the video picture of the sun for like five seconds then slowly just a pair of testicles come over oh i i think i have seen literally sent it to everyone in my in my phone it was a funny video but he said it had to have been mike if he tweeted it yeah uh biz thought that as well biz text me he's like is this our security guard
Starting point is 00:41:35 i don't think it's an unreasonable assumption yeah i thought so too oh really yeah yeah god damn it maybe it was, it wasn't? That would be funny if it was. And he pawned it off as like, I got sent this. He just had the world see his balls. Whose balls are they? I don't know. Got to be somebody's.
Starting point is 00:41:55 Got to be. I don't think I have something going. No. No. Are we three in right now? Yeah, we got a – Three people in the – No, four.
Starting point is 00:42:08 KB. Well, Will – I'm going to get – Yeah, Will needs another. Yeah, I'm going to get back. I think more highly of you. I know. I almost feel pressure.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Yeah. Mook, where are you at with your – I feel ashamed of myself right now. I just ate pasta and it's still – It's taking its time to cook up. It's charming. Get there. I can feel it cooking, but – Boys in the booth, how are you at with your- I feel ashamed of myself right now. I just ate pasta, and it's still- It's taking its time to cook up. It's charming. Get there. I can feel it cooking, but-
Starting point is 00:42:27 Boys in the booth, how are we? Sometimes it feels ready, and then it kind of- And then it goes away. Seeps away. Yeah. To where it's like, oh, okay. It's a mental game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:37 I ate a little dessert for lunch, with lunch to help with the speed of the process, so hopefully I'll have something good coming. TJ, are you going to be able to? You don't eat. Why not? Most of what I eat is protein-based, though, so I got stinky farts. Oh, so then you just do yours in your room. In there, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:55 I want to see you guys stand up on your chair. I was trying to squat in the chair before to push something out, but I didn't want to fall. All right, yeah, the booth boys can stay in there. None of these farts have smelled yet. No. Look at us. Look at us.
Starting point is 00:43:09 Our producer, social producer Jack, he's watching the Yak right now. He says a lot of diabetic culture appropriation going on. Why is he diabetic? Jack's diabetic. But he has it because he's born with it. Hey, the good news is when you feel... Is he accusing me of appropriating his culture?
Starting point is 00:43:22 When you feel low, you get to go just get like candy or something. So I'm saying medicine is good. And when you get moody, the boys will be like, hey, do you need some sugar? Like, go get a soda. Go get a candy. He has the diabetes you're born with, though, right? I think so, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:37 Simplex 3. What's that? Type 2? Type 1? I'm not familiar with that. Two types. It is two types. Big head.
Starting point is 00:43:46 One's curable. Yeah. Am I talking on my ass? One's naturally happens. And one's because you're fat. One's fat. Brandon, which one do you think you have? Stage five diabetes.
Starting point is 00:44:00 What were you going to say? If I get three before you get one, you have to do an underwear photo shoot. Well, then I'm just going to lay down. With Kyle? Yeah, we got to do an underwear photo shoot if I get three before you. All right, let me go. Once the soda gets here, after the soda. Like professionally done.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Yeah, okay. Jack has type one. Brandon, you have type two. I don't have it. We don't know that I have it. You're diagnosing me with it. You potentially have type 2. I don't have it. We don't know that I have it. You're diagnosing me with it. You potentially have type 2. All of those are.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Time out, time out. We got time out on the floor. 20 second or full minute? 20 second. Okay. All of those symptoms could also exist on their own without being part of diabetes. Okay. But you have them all.
Starting point is 00:44:42 Yeah, and one just showed up you got a cling to that commercial break um i just noticed it it might have shown up before that's not true you didn't notice that you had i might have had blurry vision before I noticed it. That's a take. I had blurry vision my whole life. I just noticed it. There's no guarantee. I didn't have blurry vision before.
Starting point is 00:45:12 He's right. Oh, man. Yes, what are you looking at your phone? When you get your sun strokes or whatever it is. Whoa. Sun strokes? The sun. The solar. Whoa. Sun-stroked? The sun. The solar.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Hey. I had a hog. When you get sick in the sun, you get sick in the sun, do your eyes become really, are you like, ah, my migraines, the sun? Yes. All light. Uh-oh. But I've had that my whole life.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Can diabetes cause light sensitivity? Sure can. But I've had that my whole life. Maybe even diabetic forever. Yeah, but it could be you just noticed it earlier than the blurry vision. It's true. That happened when I was six. Diabetic retinopathy.
Starting point is 00:45:57 I don't think any of- Has it gotten worse, though? Yeah. Brandon. You're running out of timeouts. That's not a timeout. Brandon. None of you are doctors.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Kate just talked to me like she was a doctor. You're running out of timeouts. That's not a timeout. Brandon. None of you are doctors. Kate just talked to me like she was a doctor. You saw it. Counterpoint. Pretty good at Googling. I love Googling things, and I think you have diabetes. Are you mad at us for caring? I'm going to call.
Starting point is 00:46:22 We have the test strips coming. I'll be right back. I'm going to call Dr. Nibbler. You're going to pee. The test strips are coming today. You're going right back. I'm going to call Dr. Ned Miller. You're going to pee. The test strips are coming today. You're going to pee. I'm going in that studio. Just call him right here on the phone. Because I don't want, if he's doctoring, I don't want.
Starting point is 00:46:32 Well, no, yeah, if he's doctoring, then just don't. Do it on your ear first and then put it on speaker. Dr. Ned Miller? Yeah, Dr. Ned Miller. My doctor, my family doctor. Oh, Mookie, get it done. Oh! That was good.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Yay! Fucking, that was like a... That one fell out of the air. That was clumsy. That was a klutzy-ass fall. You were fancy with the position. Made sure to get in position. Oh, by the way, breaking news.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Shohei's translator has been charged with stealing more than $16 million from Shohei Otani. Holy fuck. Damn. He's probably doctoring. He's definitely doctoring. He sent me to a voicemail. Can you HIPAA a doctor? Can they only HIPAA you?
Starting point is 00:47:28 No, they can only HIPAA us because none of us have taken the oath. It's an oath. It's like a swear-in type deal. It's the Hippocratic Oath. I haven't taken it. I can't speak for you. They make you swear on a Bible.
Starting point is 00:47:42 They make you swear on a dead body. Oh, shit. That's great. Here we go. Soty pops. I have burps, but not. Are they going to be warm? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:53 That would be better, I'd imagine. Brandon's on. I'm texting with. No, no. There's nobody you could be texting. Texting with my diabetes expert. I said, in your professional experience, would you say Brandon has diabetes? He said, I would say no.
Starting point is 00:48:06 If anything, he could be pre-diabetic where fat is beginning to constrict his pancreas that delivers the natural flow on insulin. Thank you. Thank you. Mike, real quick. Those weren't your balls, were they? The mic right there? Can I be the fifth?
Starting point is 00:48:20 Yeah, he's going to be the fifth. He knows not to answer that. he knows he knows that he was the first one to send it to me they were textbook classic i mean he sent it to me and then i saw it everywhere after that like it started going around but like he was the originator of the eclipse of the ball the balls the hairy balls
Starting point is 00:48:50 it did look like it looked like an Arizona sun I will take one you try that was a legit little diagnosis on huh, Brandon? Who's your diabetes guy? I just know I know somebody.
Starting point is 00:49:10 I got cheese balls, too. I got cheese balls. It's Jack. Will, are there any NFL players with diabetes? Jay Cutler, almost certainly. Jay Cutler. Didn't Adam Morrison have it? Yeah, Adam Morrison had it
Starting point is 00:49:25 Nick Jonas yeah there's another one right now that has it fuck they gotta stay on top of it too yeah no and I I remember
Starting point is 00:49:32 at all times Gordon Hayward doesn't have it does he no I remember when hanging out with Jay like he would yeah he'd have to take the shot
Starting point is 00:49:38 and like you could tell if he was like his mood your mood like fades yeah wouldn't everybody be pre-diabetic oh yeah Mark everybody be pre-diabetic oh yeah mark andrews pre-diabetic yeah yeah not if you're like f oh yeah pat and be on your way but brandon if you're
Starting point is 00:49:55 pre then you should get it checked because then you can stop what's the cheese balls for parts all right is that gonna help probably yeah okay i don't know why it would hurt i mean the gold the goldfish theory would definitely work with those. Kate, don't you consider yourself a preeminent cheeseball catcher? Yes. All right. Well, I am as well. That was a bad throw.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I'm off my game. I'm a little slow. That was a bad throw. That was on me. Blamed it on herself, then blamed KB. Oh! On me. I need more arc. I need more arc. It's been a was on me. Blamed it on herself, then blamed KB. Oh! I need more arc. Been a while for me.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I mean, you can make more effort than that. Will, did guys in the locker room of a different background than you respect you more because your last name was Compton? Yeah. Yeah. I still get that. You come up
Starting point is 00:50:43 to somebody in the culture Like oh sick last name Thank you Sick last name Sick last name I know Calvin Harris Chose his name Because he thought
Starting point is 00:50:56 It sounded Racially ambiguous Calvin Yeah But honestly Honestly now Like when I hear Calvin Harris
Starting point is 00:51:03 I always think of white Yeah But if you break it down, it actually is rather white. Yeah. Yeah. When feel so close came out, I thought he was a black guy. Yeah. That was his intention.
Starting point is 00:51:11 You know what? I saw his penis. You saw Calvin Harris' penis? Someone showed it to me in Las Vegas. Was it him? It was a picture of him. Get back in the race Some guy who was playing a lot of loud music
Starting point is 00:51:26 Just showed me Calvin Harris' dick Simmons used to have a What was it called? I think it was the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars Yeah Reggie Cleveland All-Stars Because Reggie Cleveland's a white guy What were the two
Starting point is 00:51:39 Reggie Cleveland A white guy? Yeah Who were the two Packers wide receivers During like Roger' heyday? Jordy Nelson. And? Randall Cobbs.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Yeah, they should have flipped names. Jordy's way white. Jordy's white? But Randall... What? What was that noise? Wait, what? Was that you?
Starting point is 00:52:00 I think Kay queefed. What the fuck, Kay? Sorry. Does that count? I'm trying so hard I shot it up. Sorry. Sorry. I guess because I know them so well.
Starting point is 00:52:09 Who's what? Randall Cobb's black. Jordan Nelson's white. Yeah, I think Cobb, I think. Corn Cobb? Yeah. And I think Corn Cobb white. Nebraska?
Starting point is 00:52:19 Yeah. There's no black Connors. Or Randall. There's got to be a black Conner. I've never heard of a black Conner. I don't know. There's black black Connors. There's got to be a black Conner. I've never heard of a black Conner. There's black Kyles. You got a last name Conner.
Starting point is 00:52:32 There might not be. I don't know if there's a black Conner. There's black Braxtons. There's not a black Conner. Oh, no. Oh, no. All those look a lot like a famous connor yeah yeah we see uh 12 photos nope no you're right yeah what oh oh
Starting point is 00:52:54 wait what's his what's his what is it he and I have the same fucking job. Oh, he's Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Oh. Wow. So, no. Wait. No, but he's adopted. Oh.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Yeah. Oh, he's an actor, too. I wonder how he got into that profession. Yeah, I don't know. He must be very talented. But would that count? That wouldn't count. That counts.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Wait. He got adopted, though, so white people named him. He was not black. White people't count. That counts. Wait. He got adopted though, so. He was not black. White people named him. True. True. That's a good catch. Maybe he is.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Never mind. Oh, he's Floridian. Oh, Conor Hayward. Yeah. Okay. We got one. I was locked into that. I live for shit like that.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Finding the one missing piece. Grant, how's it going? It's going all right. How are you? What are you looking at? Why is your phone landscape? Did you just get some titties? No.
Starting point is 00:53:54 Titties so big you had to look at them in landscape? My titties got sent way early this morning. I don't know what's it. I must be busy. Pussy so small you look at it in a portrait by the way Steven Singer it's here Steven Singer's jewelers just announced their brand new 24 karat gold dipped rose look it's right here
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Starting point is 00:55:00 com all business Pete's doing a little putting. I don't know. I mean, Hank penalized me. Oh, Dan. I know that's bad for Smitty. Bad for Smitty.
Starting point is 00:55:13 Hank penalized you, but now at this point, it's too late. Who cares? It is too late, but he's just in the building while people are multiply. Would you have made the cut if you had not gotten penalized? I would have gotten closer, and who knows? Who knows if I didn't have that hanging over me. The answer is no. I might not have.
Starting point is 00:55:27 What he did was stupid. What he did was stupid. And who knows how it would have gotten. I got off to a plus 10 start through eight holes because I was so rattled. Yeah. I recovered. I recovered. Are you typically that bad?
Starting point is 00:55:38 No, I'm not. I'm not. But I was cheated, and I was treated the wrong way. But now I guess he's fine with just everybody doing it. Did you guys? And everybody did it before and he punished me. Did you ever see Kirk's meltdown? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:50 I was watching in the hotel and I was just watching in my phone landscape mode in the hotel and was genuinely awestruck and like mouth open. Wait, I didn't see it. I want to see. He said he was blacked out on the unnamed show. I't want to do that oh wait it came in i want to do that i'm curious because i probably have diabetes let's all do it i don't want that too real this one is a blood close oh brand's gonna have to take give blood well no i think I have P-strips, too. I need a P. Figure this out. I need a P.
Starting point is 00:56:30 What is a precarious-looking situation? On the eighth hole, he's coming off a bogey at six. Excuse me, this is the seventh hole. Oh, boy. If he doesn't make double. What? He's chipping. He's chipping lefty place chipping lefty.
Starting point is 00:56:46 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's got to at least land on the other high line. Oh, boy. A major moment. Did you get one? He's got one. He can make four. All right.
Starting point is 00:57:00 He did it. That's not a bad play. He's going to have the same putt for four either way. For four, yeah. That's's not a bad play. He's going to have the same putt for four either way. For four, yeah. That's kind of a smart play. What is he doing? What is he doing? What is he doing?
Starting point is 00:57:13 What is he doing? Oh, my God. Is he quitting? That was a 15. To Lachinka? Come on. And then afterwards, like two holes later, he's like like that might have been a mistake he went down to minus 13 and then he was he's like at minus 24 right now he'd be in second back yeah he's still in it though obviously yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:57:39 oh did you guys have that much reading plan today? Yeah. No, I'm not doing that. 14 steps. Is that the little pricker thing? I don't know. Pass. Step one, wash your hands. No. Always ignore that one.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Gather your materials. That's a pre-step. If it's a prick thing, let's all do it without cleaning it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's a prick thing let's all do it without cleaning it Yeah Lansing device sounds like we're going to be doing some pricking Lansing device Oh yeah That sounds like we're going to draw blood
Starting point is 00:58:16 Yeah we're about to take all these balls off Someone had to celebrate it. Just shifting in my chair. I think I need some blood, Brandon. I don't want to do this. Just a little pass. A little. I just need a little tiny bit of blood.
Starting point is 00:58:44 That's all I'm asking for. No blood. This ain't a big deal. Just a little tiny bit of blood. That's all I'm asking for. No blood. This ain't a big deal. Just a little tiny piece of blood. What's Spider doing? Spider, can you get some of Brandon's blood real quick? Open deep. Huh?
Starting point is 00:58:58 Blood? Yeah. You have a blood stain on you, Will? Huh? Okay, yeah. Step six. Obtain blood drop. Fight.
Starting point is 00:59:11 From the pasta earlier. How many blood drops does Brandon need to give? Top of the blood drop and allow blood to be drawn into the strip. Nah. Yeah, we just won. I just need one. One blood. No.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Why? Hard no. I don't want to do. It's not going to hurt. I just need one. One blood. No. I just need one blood. Why? Hard no. I don't want to do. It's not going to hurt. I don't want to do this here. We'll go out there. You feel like you need to be alone with your family? Do you think?
Starting point is 00:59:34 Love the ones. I want to do a glucose test for diabetes in front of the Yak audience. Yes. Well, you don't think the Yak audience cares about you? I don't know that it would care about you a lot. I don't know that it would care about you. If you're a diabetic, things are going to change around you. I care.
Starting point is 00:59:50 I bet if we open up the chat right now, they're going to say, Brandon, we're here for you. We care about you. I want you to feel better. Everybody, we care. 120 in one minute. We love you, Brandon. We just met.
Starting point is 01:00:04 I'm talking about the chat this could be the first ever live diabetes reveal I doubt that there's definitely been a reality show about diabetes we'll wait till tomorrow we'll get a couple hats we'll have a cake
Starting point is 01:00:18 and if it's real cake he doesn't have diabetes I'm gonna have cake I'm going to have cake. I'm reading it right now, Brandon. Family, we like BFW. We're here. Family, family, Brandon. We love you, Brandon. Do it.
Starting point is 01:00:32 Blood family. I thought, what do you show about farts? You got a little cheese on your nose. You do have cheese on your nose. I've been staring at it the whole show. I usually do. You have cheese on your nose. Get the cheese on it.
Starting point is 01:00:44 I'm so used to Brandon having cheese somewhere on his face. All right, you know what? That was your diabetes test. Yeah. A lot of love in the chat right now, Brandon. Step one, see if the patient has cheese on their nose. Diabetes is real. Nothing but Brandon. Let's go Brandon. Diabetes. Nothing but positivity.
Starting point is 01:01:09 He's got it. Get the test strip and collect a sample of cheese on their nose. Yup. I actually do care about you. I understand that. Brandon, you probably have the pre-diabetes which I think is extremely common. Yeah, thank you. Would that show up on the test thing?
Starting point is 01:01:29 There's 0% chance we can do this test correctly. Look at all the instructions. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. How did we miss that before? Yeah, he asked. Oh, he's got it bad.
Starting point is 01:01:56 I'm in the chat right now. Oh, man. It's kind of fun. I'll do it too, Brandon. Somebody have a fart? I think I do. I got another. I'm starting to get in dangerous waters right now. Y'all made me want to puke. Get one out, go pee, and then
Starting point is 01:02:13 Brandon, if somebody tests before you, will you do it? Oh! Oh! Did that sneak out? We need a triple out of you. That was me. That was Mook. Well, the mic's down there by your face. Kyle, put pressure on.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Fart one more time. I don't think he needs me. No, but I'm saying like for the underwear photo shoot. Yeah, the underwear. Oh, fuck the underwear photo shoot. The mic's right there. You got it.
Starting point is 01:02:36 You got it, BC. Focus. I don't know. Come on. You got it, BC. Push. We might see it. What did we talk about?
Starting point is 01:02:50 Doing great, sweetie. Don't forget to breathe. Here it is. You can tell he's breathing. The mic's moving up and down. I think I need to go pee. I think I need to go pee. Today, yeah, it's a tough spot.
Starting point is 01:03:03 You want me to go with you? I'm going to really, yeah. Come with me. I have a couple strips I want you to pee on. Today, yeah, it's a tough spot. You want me to go with you? I'm going to really, yeah. Come with me. I have a couple strips I want you to pee on. No, no, that's fine. Is it about giving blood or finding out you're diabetic? I don't want to find out anything like this. That's a crazy thing.
Starting point is 01:03:21 All I did was say I had blurry vision. I already had every other symptom, and they were loud symptoms. Like, we knew that. All I did was say i had blurry vision i already had every other symptom and they were they were loud symptoms like we knew that all i did was add the blurry vision today okay look man we're just trying to help you was there any symptoms were there any symptoms i don't have no no no well involuntary weight loss yeah i don't have that. It's clinging to that. Yeah. Make your campaign that. I do not have that. I've never once lost weight. I can't have diabetes. I'm getting fatter and fatter.
Starting point is 01:03:52 Every day is the heaviest I've ever been. Are you the heaviest you've ever been today? No, I've lost a little weight recently. Really? But you're trying to. Yeah, but I'm trying to. But how? I've lost about... I've been to yeah but how I've lost about
Starting point is 01:04:05 I've been walking where I've been walking here before are you stealing Frank's bit yeah nobody can walk I walk here every morning
Starting point is 01:04:17 you have a good ass name for a series too yeah is that why Frank does hot dogs oh Frank yeah I don't think he's ever acknowledged the he never has connection allow me to be frank should be raw dog and it's a randall cobb jordy nelson situation yeah yeah classic randall cobb beautiful eyes stunning yeah what color are they I could agree how do you guys
Starting point is 01:04:48 they're incredible yeah pull them up it's bright yeah let's just look at it oh they look like Kelly Oubre's eyes you guys know eyes because I can't tell you anyone's these are these are nuts or like who is oh buddy what is like Kevin James eyes oh they're brown they're the brown you guys know that for a fact? Wow, he does have great eyes. You weren't lying. I can't tell you everyone's eyes. Those are eyes you remember.
Starting point is 01:05:12 Yeah. Daniel Craig's got eyes you remember. Alec Baldwin. That's about it. Color your eyes, Brando. Blue. You're blue. You got to be blue.
Starting point is 01:05:24 Somebody close their eyes and let us guess what color your eyes are. Mine. I don't even know whose voice it is. Oh, that was Mook. Mook, yours are red? What are you? I don't know. Red?
Starting point is 01:05:35 Yellow. So help me God. Yellow eyes. Mook has green eyes. Mook has green eyes. Yeah, I think they're hazel. He's a spill guy. Olive?
Starting point is 01:05:42 Blue. You have blue eyes? Those aren't blue. They're blue. But do you have the blue? Mine depends on what color shirt I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a green shirt, I have green eyes. If I'm wearing a blue shirt, I have blue.
Starting point is 01:05:53 Mine stay the same, but they're not like big blue. For 100%. What color are my eyes right now? Wait, is that the light? Yeah, just a shadow. They're blue. Blue? Okay. I'm a white? Yeah, just a shadow. They're blue. Blue? Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:06 I think, right? Mm-hmm. Here now, you guys are in the works right now. They might be green. Yeah, I think they're like blue-green. Yeah. So if I put Dan's sweatshirt on, I got green eyes. The blue hat, I got blue eyes.
Starting point is 01:06:21 Wow. Wow. It's crazy. I like blue-gray. Gray line or blue gray i like gray like the civil war yeah look at mine oh yeah brandon i would say you have very blue eyes oh thank you that's a trap doesn't kate bosworth has like one brown one blue blue? Same with David Bowie. Sure, sure. Bless you. Oh, God. I was sitting in a room with Minty the other day, just me and him.
Starting point is 01:06:51 He sneezed. I said, God bless you. He didn't even acknowledge me. Wow. This is crazy. Just the two of us sitting on the couch. Wow. Did either of his eyes see you?
Starting point is 01:07:05 Ouch. I would say. I would say. Honestly, maybe not. I don't know. It was upstairs. Who's like the mincey of any other realm of the world? No.
Starting point is 01:07:17 There's none. There's classrooms full of them. Oh, man. It's working. I see it. I love it. Let's change the subject. Mincy's hosting the next comedy night.
Starting point is 01:07:45 He is? Oh, hell yes. May 16th. He saw Brandon do it, and he was like, I could do it? Oh, yeah. He said that to people. No, he said that mid-show. What?
Starting point is 01:07:55 He said that to people that night. He was like, oh, I got while you were delivering. Oh, that's great. That's the perfect story. He might have an hour. Yeah, I was going to say, if Mincy's hosting, no one else is. No, it's doing a show. I hope he does as long as he wants. The whole show.
Starting point is 01:08:15 When is it? May 16th. All right. I mean, I should just sit on one side of the stage with a computer open, not really paying attention. He'll have more than an hour. Oh yeah. You just need to be on stage.
Starting point is 01:08:28 No, let's get talking to me behind him. Yeah. Yeah. Tickets aren't on sale yet. They will be soon. Nate. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:41 You ready? No, but I'm getting ready. You mean to crack your back? It's starting to stir it's starting i'm gonna have to go on all fours in a minute i got nothing i will i tried to uh and like breathe through my asshole to get mine going you know you can kind of yeah i got a friend who could do that and he can breathe through he can like suck it up and then fart on command i just tried to like just p, just try to catch something, yeah. Is it possible to burp someone but fart someone?
Starting point is 01:09:13 We did that last time. Oh, Brandon. Holy shit. Oh, jeez. Oh, here he goes. What if he did bare ass? I thought he was pulling his pants down. Shh, shh.
Starting point is 01:09:27 Oh! Solid, solid. Great job, dude. Great work. Great work, great work. I'm going to say best fart of the match. That wasn't a diabetic fart. That was solid, yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Squeaky. You can fart babies. You get their legs going. You get them going. You get the gas. Oh, I think Brandon stinks. Yeah, mine yeah. Squeaky. You can fart babies. You get their legs going. You get them going. You get the gas. Oh, I think Brandon stinks. Yeah, mine stinks. Yours stinks.
Starting point is 01:09:50 First stinky fart. Oh, that's odorous. First stinky fart. Yeah. There's layers to it. That's why I didn't go over there, because I didn't want to stir it. How's the boot doing? Fartless.
Starting point is 01:10:03 No, not good. Coming soon. I got to poop. fartless no not good coming soon I gotta poop I'm proud of you Brandon thank you pressure off we're waiting I know
Starting point is 01:10:15 I have to kind of pee now yeah I'm in that gray area yeah and you gotta clench while you pee you don't want to waste one yeah did you pee yeah
Starting point is 01:10:27 didn't help you hold it in yeah i clenched because i was gonna pee my pants down here yeah i might be pushing so hard i was gonna pee my pants you peeing or trying to fart is that is that actual breaking news will that you just quote tweeted maybe earlier in the day? Encore! A full set! A full set! Great job, Will. I'll tell you what,'re gonna have a tough look
Starting point is 01:11:05 From that camera Cause bro You're just squatting You can't see the base Of the microphone Yeah No one was watching the TV Oh it looks like
Starting point is 01:11:17 He's riding a fucking Big dildo A big dildo Yeah Riding the biggest dildo That's what it's gonna look like Is Will riding a giant dildo, yeah. Riding the biggest dildo. That's what it's going to look like. Is Will riding a giant dildo? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:29 To the nth degree. Stuff. But was that real? You had a quote tweet like an hour ago. Oh, I don't know. That's why I asked. Oh, all right. That's why I asked.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Yeah. Tell us, I guess. All's why I asked. Oh, all right. That's why I asked. Yeah. Tell us, I guess. All right. Here we go. There's nothing I can comment on. You're the one that goes down. I know. Just let me be.
Starting point is 01:11:53 All right. We'll keep yakking. We'll keep yakking as he bends over in front of us. Hmm. Well, here we go You got it Was that it? I thought so too
Starting point is 01:12:13 Dan's a little shy boy Just focus The squat actually helps Oh That's a worst case scenario That's fucking precious What the fuck was that? That was a Barry Bonds bunt
Starting point is 01:12:43 It smells too It smells too? Oh, that was so bad. That was a Barry Bonds bunt. It smells, too. It smells, too? Oh, man. It might be just Brandon or Wills. It might still be me. Yeah. Oh, that was pathetic.
Starting point is 01:12:59 I'm disappointed in myself. That was cute. Is the booth going to hold us up? Wait, who's left? The booth and thing. I got got nothing i'm wearing mom jeans that doesn't it holds it splits your middle is it gonna hurt your back okay have you ever done it on the act no no no i called a called in are you comfortable doing you can do a hitter again yes you sure i think if i i feel like there's a line of hotness for women where like i like to think i'm right under it
Starting point is 01:13:31 uh where it's okay that i fart like nobody's like oh no okay i'm kate's ruined for me like you know what i mean like we could spin the wheel of every employee and have have them come do it yeah we can get um okay someone take the part and somebody take yeah yeah someone's a champion but i don't want you to be able to like pick no okay because some people yes spin it okay and that person they have to come far and then or someone has to do via phone forgot your hug yeah yes you can phone a fart too okay i can find a part so that was so bad so you got it out though i know but like i'm people have a thought of me yeah well and i've you have this delivered i've delivered every time under big moments i delivered
Starting point is 01:14:19 yesterday unbelievable fart yesterday and it's just that's that's why i did my second fart and i regret it. Yeah. I was like, I want to give a better showing. And then I got up there and I didn't give a great show. Yeah. And I'll tell you what, I farted about five times since then, but I've been scared to grab the mic again. Did you say, yep?
Starting point is 01:14:36 I've been ripping ass. That's the smell. All right, spin the wheel. The big wheel. All right, so there's got to be someone here. What's this? Every employee. We're going to get a...
Starting point is 01:14:56 They got to come in and fart? Cody Lentz is not here. Not here. There's Katie. All right, go ahead. They got to come in and fart? Yeah. Lanzer would have ripped to fly him in to fart.
Starting point is 01:15:05 Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Oh, geez. Same spot. Greer is here. Do we have a Chicago boy yet? Greer's got to fart on deck a lot.
Starting point is 01:15:18 God's done. Oh. Oh, Fasoli would be great. I'm trying. Damn it. Wheel is teasing us. There's a lot of people here today. No way.
Starting point is 01:15:44 And Ebo. He's here. All right. Let's And Ebo. He's here. All right. Let's get Ebo in here. I'll tell him. I'll text him. He's here for sure? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:59 Brandon, you think he's got it? I think Ebo can. I think he can fart. I can't tell if I think he has it or not. I don't know if he's going to be comfortable doing it. I think he can fart. I can't tell if I think he has it or not. I don't know if he's going to be comfortable doing it. He's family, though. He's down. He's down.
Starting point is 01:16:12 Oh, wait. We got movement. You went home? What? Fuck! I got gunshot. I got gunshot. Fuck!
Starting point is 01:16:26 That sounded like an important call from Steve. No, I think he's probably called Evo. Oh, okay. Perhaps I'm wrong. Evo's got a big day tomorrow, so he might have gone home. Evo went home, but he said he'll be here in five minutes. Oh. Like he's coming specifically for this
Starting point is 01:16:46 he i don't think he knows what it is i just told him to come back i mean we could can you fart all right you can go back home big cat you're down in the dumps huh pretty disappointed myself pretty disappointed myself i i mean i have a chance for redemption but i i don't know if that's Big Cat, you're down in the dumps, huh? Pretty disappointed in myself. Pretty disappointed in myself. I mean, I have a chance for redemption, but I don't know if that's even... What if he just did it again? Yeah, right. Like, if it's the same thing, then it's just like, this is what he is now?
Starting point is 01:17:16 Now, I've crossed the line. You've got to get back on the horse. We know who you are. You know that. I hope my reputation has been solidified, but still. I spent an hour trying to fart, and now I'm actively trying to not fart. Your best day is coming, honey. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:28 Cut it out. Yeah. There he is. You want me to? Squats over here. Yeah. Do some squats. Stretch them out, Will.
Starting point is 01:17:38 Will, open. Get the little motorcycle going? Yeah. Hey, that would be funny. Yeah, lay down in the middle. Just get you going like a kid? Yeah. get the little motorcycle going? Hey, that would be funny. Yeah, lay down in the middle. Just get you going like a kid? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:50 You want to try it? You want me to gut wrench you? What's a gut wrench? Freestyle move. Yeah, this will work. Kind of a splayed one. Let me splay you. Splay. What the fuck? Oh, wait.
Starting point is 01:18:15 There you go. Turns out the little legs make it easier, huh? Yeah. My cousin's in the airport. He says he's got to fart. Oh, yeah. Throw in a fart. Let me see. Oh, wait. Phone a fart. Let me see.
Starting point is 01:18:25 Oh, wait. Hello? Hey, do you have a fart? Whoa. We got a chaos. How fart? He's rubbing the mic on his face. Okay, hold on. The fart mic?
Starting point is 01:18:35 Hey. Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. Phone a fart. Hold on. This is my cousin. Uh-oh, wait. I'm going to introduce himself. Wait, where is he?
Starting point is 01:18:43 Oh, my God. My phone's going crazy. This is very important. Oh, no, Kate important oh no kate important call of his life she's calling in a fart i'm calling in a fart he's in the airport i guess okay you're live right now you're at the airport yeah atlanta atlanta airport okay give me your best. You get it? No, unfortunately. No, shit, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:19:13 What? It didn't come through. It's too loud. It's on my phone right next to me. Okay, thank you for trying. Bye. Oh, what a shame. No, he said he had one.
Starting point is 01:19:25 I'm going through my whole rolodex texting people I'm like does anyone have to fart right now wait what happened to Ebo spin the wheel again if Ebo can't
Starting point is 01:19:30 well Ebo's coming right yeah oh he's coming he's coming back to the office oh he doesn't have to come back to the office
Starting point is 01:19:35 I didn't tell him why he was calling oh my god Titus also wanted to be a part of it he said if I'm on a beach I'll just FaceTime me and do it
Starting point is 01:19:44 but I'm scared he's on a plane right now. No, he left yesterday, I thought. You're scared. Is today yesterday? Yes. No, yesterday he left today. No, yesterday he left. No, today he left.
Starting point is 01:19:55 No, yesterday he said he was leaving today. No, yesterday he said he was leaving yesterday. Today he's left yesterday. Yesterday he was saying he's leaving today. So if he said that yesterday, that meant yesterday. No, that meant tomorrow. No, that meant tomorrow. Yesterday is yesterday. If he said he was leaving today, yesterday, he left yesterday.
Starting point is 01:20:11 No, but he was saying he was leaving tomorrow, yesterday. Then he would say I'm leaving tomorrow, yesterday. That's when he... I'll just FaceTime Mark Titus. I'm doing it right now. Okay, well, sorry. Well, because I think you got confused. No, I think he left today.
Starting point is 01:20:26 He's probably on a plane. Do they have cell phones in Turks and Caicos? My cousin's so upset. He said he like sharted on his phone. His white dress shirt. You guys didn't hear it? Well, let's replay it. Maybe we...
Starting point is 01:20:43 No. I thought it sounded like a door closing. Yeah, it sounded like... I thought he was going into a bathroom for it. It sounded like... Yeah, it was too loud. Ugh. Maybe he left today.
Starting point is 01:20:53 Yeah, yesterday he said he was leaving today. That would be... I'm not farting. No, yesterday he said he was leaving tomorrow, which is today. Okay, now it makes sense. Right, that's what I've been saying all the time. You kept on saying yesterday he said he was leaving tomorrow, which is today. Okay, now it makes sense. Right, that's what I've been saying all the time. You kept on saying yesterday he said he was leaving today. You're hung up on yesterday, and today is today.
Starting point is 01:21:10 I don't know why you're hung up on it. Hmm. What are you doing? Oh, she thinks she's got it. She's got a fart face. What is that? Hate. I do.
Starting point is 01:21:19 Can I go behind the TV? Yes. Yeah. Yes. You can do audio only. Yeah, I said do audio only. Gentlemen. See ya. We'll be watching. Yeah can do audio only. I said do audio only. Gentlemen. See ya. We'll be watching. I'm not going to.
Starting point is 01:21:30 You want none of us to look at you? Everyone close your eyes. We gotta know if it's real. Yeah, right. We'll know. We'll know. Wait. Okay. I'm afraid I'm going to pee. Hold on. I'm afraid it's going to be bad.
Starting point is 01:21:45 No. Oh, no. Everyone be quiet. I'm going to piss myself. Oh! Oh! Oh, and it fucking reeks. Oh!
Starting point is 01:22:03 Oh, and it fucking reeks. Oh, my God. I like that she went duck behind the TV like she was going to the bushes. Oh, tremendous work. Oh, I'm so relieved. Fantastic. Wow. All right, so now it's just the booth.
Starting point is 01:22:19 Just the booth. The booth is holding us up. Do they just need one or do all of them? All of them. Oh. I know you got one. He's got it. It's brewing, but it's not there, man. I don't know what the fuck is going on.
Starting point is 01:22:36 You need one of these sodas? I'm working on it. I've thrown dessert in my stomach. I've thrown fries. Now I'm throwing a little high noon action. I'm trying it all, man. Oh. No. Best is when you get
Starting point is 01:22:54 when you get home, Will. You just play this whole episode for your kid. Oh, yeah. We watched my fart yesterday. Maybe 25. I'll have to bookmark the clip. I'm so disappointed in myself.
Starting point is 01:23:10 You'll still want up. I don't know, dude. Maybe you had your last good fart. Oh, my God. Don't say that. I would never wish that on anyone. I don't know. Old men can fucking fart.
Starting point is 01:23:26 My dad's at the age where he doesn't know when it's coming, so he farts walks, you know? He just starts walking. He's like, brr, brr, brr, brr. My grandfather used to live with us when I was 15, and one time he farted walking down the hall. I thought he was talking to me. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:40 Yeah. My dad, every- We don't need Ebo now, right? Every fart surprises him. He to eat bone now, right? Every fart, like, surprises him. Like, he'll fart and go, what? Dad's ever... My dad, because he's taller, would used to just save him for the stairs
Starting point is 01:23:55 when I was walking behind him. Oh, yeah. Classic dad move. Just fart right in your face. Followed with their belly laugh. Yeah, yeah. Just knowing they got you. Every single time. fart right in your face. Followed with their belly laugh. Just knowing they got you. No. Oh, we don't need you.
Starting point is 01:24:10 Go ahead. Yeah. Hold on. That sounded weird. Come stand in the middle. Do you need to fart? No. Can you? Not right now, no. You could squeak. You could probably push. Just one little fart.
Starting point is 01:24:27 If you had asked me last week, I would have been on. Last week? I didn't even fart last week. That makes sense. If you had asked me last week. That's on us. Yeah, I don't know. Last week would have been a better time. That was a good fart week.
Starting point is 01:24:47 I can't know. Last week would have been a better time. That was a good fart week. Yeah. I can't help anybody. Okay. All right, sorry guys. All right, have fun in Buffalo. Go back. Guys in the booth, you guys could spin the wheel if you need a pinch hitter. Oh, Zaza. Zaza.
Starting point is 01:24:57 Zaza. Zaza. Zaza. Zaza. It's like a real emergency. I don't think the mic's close enough, is it? Fuck! Again!
Starting point is 01:25:08 God damn it! Che, are you going to try it all? Yeah, Che, what's up? Oh, God damn it. I'm not there. I was close when Big Cat was going to go. It's dissipated. I'm trying to work it back.
Starting point is 01:25:19 CJ? I'm worried about pooping. You guys can spin a wheel if you need to someone can come in and pinch hit phone a fart or no phone a fart or I think pinch hit is the way to go but if they can't do it it's back on you
Starting point is 01:25:37 quigs yeah get quigs in here he's got a fart He's right there Oh he's farting right now Quigs Yeah I say this respectfully Quigs you look at him and that's a good part Clumber
Starting point is 01:25:54 Quigs Quigs Quigs Quigs Quigs Quigs Quigs Yes
Starting point is 01:26:01 Here we go He makes the noise with his mouth. I don't know what his fart coming out of his ass would sound like. Even though the wheel hasn't come up. Clumber gets air when he farts. I don't know. Yeah, I would like one. Quigs.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Hey, buddy. Could you fart for us, please? Yeah. I don't think I have one. Give it a shot. Just give it a shot. Where am I into that? Mike on the floor here.
Starting point is 01:26:27 Mike in the center. I don't think I have one. Stick Mike in the center. Right there. Oh, yeah. Give a deep squat and just see what happens. I got nothing. Just.
Starting point is 01:26:40 Got that for? Yeah, I got nothing. I heard you trying to push into the mic. Yeah. There's more into the mic there's more poop push alright somebody wasted theirs I mean it's kind of bullshit the booth is making us
Starting point is 01:26:57 do this we're trying the studio came through no problem go big cat all of us before one We're trying. The studio came through, no problem. Go, Big Cat. All of us before one. Ooh. Well, you're at a bad angle. That sometimes is helpful.
Starting point is 01:27:15 No. No, stop. No. He's down 0-2 in the bottom of the ninth right now. You got to hang up your asshole, man. Pathetic. Oh, that doesn't smell good. I wonder why.
Starting point is 01:27:34 Don't. Don't sniff my fart. Kyle, you're sniffing, man. Get out of here. Don't sniff my fart. That's not for you. That is crazy to think. We all smelled Brandon's farts.
Starting point is 01:27:45 We were smelling the inside of his butthole. My diabetic butthole. Then it's in our buddies. You have a diabetic ass? Oh, what if we got one of those dogs that can sniff it out? Yeah, you got a fart? Oh, let's go. Oh, there we go, Jerry.
Starting point is 01:28:07 No, no, no. Mic in the middle. Right there, right there. Whoa. What? Are you about to fuck? Whoa. You need me to hold the mic for you? Just stretch it out.
Starting point is 01:28:19 Oh. Oh, that was, that was that was. All right. That's not like a cowboy spitting tobacco. Can we add like a ding after it? All right. So who does that count for? That one smelled. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:49 We're all trying to get it out right now, so let's just focus on... Well, I'm sure one of us is going to get it in the next couple minutes. Are any of you trying to eat sodas or anything? Yes, we've all drank sodas. Everything Stephen Jay says sounds so analytical, so talking about farts is so funny. Yes, yes. I was very gassy last night
Starting point is 01:29:11 when I was mic'd up for mini golf. Is it true you didn't believe OJ was dead until Schaefer tweeted it? I didn't know why people were tweeting about OJ. I messaged Greer about it. What were they tweeting? What were the tweets entailing?
Starting point is 01:29:27 I don't know. Everyone was talking about, like, Joey Langone texted me something about OJ, and I was like, what the fuck's going on with OJ? And then I saw on Twitter a bunch of people talking about OJ, but I didn't see anyone... Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:38 Yeah. Maxine Carter! Now I gotta piss again because I drank so much fucking Cups. Do I have diabetes? How's your vision? Blurred? I mean, a lot of those symptoms could be present in a lot of us.
Starting point is 01:30:06 Huh? What? Do I have any cheese on my nose? No, you don't have any cheese on your nose. So you're good. Yeah. Yeah, how embarrassing. I know we're trying.
Starting point is 01:30:23 Trying? We all tried and we all farted. I just don't know how we all got it in here. Is it a fartier air in here? Is it the company we keep? Che, come sit in here. Maybe it's like periods. Maybe our farts are sinking.
Starting point is 01:30:39 He's actually coming in here. Moon sisters. He says he's trying, but it's so unconvincing. He's not trying. No, we're good. We're unconvincing. He's not trying. No, we're good. We're good, Jerry. Give us another one. Come fart again. I wouldn't mind an open call if anyone in the office
Starting point is 01:30:52 right now has to fart. Come hit the mic. Imagine what a Miss Peaches fart would do. Mega viral. I don't think she does. You think Mitzi can fart? Is this an asshole? No. It just disappears. Jay.
Starting point is 01:31:10 What are you doing? Mincy would fart wrong somehow. He'd cum on accident. Oh man. Oh shit. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Are you brave?
Starting point is 01:31:34 Yeah. Jay looks like he converted. Mecca is exactly that way. Jay, get in the middle and do it. Is this how Asian people fart? They only use the corners? That's not like a gong. What are you doing back there?
Starting point is 01:31:57 Che, get in the middle. Che, you've been standing the whole... Eid was yesterday, Che. There you go. The first ever real human laughter had to be farts, probably. Mm-hmm. What's up, Steven? How you doing?
Starting point is 01:32:14 Good, how you doing? Kind of focused on one thing right now. Get in the middle here. You're doing the middle there? Do your routine. I don't know if it's going to come instantly. It might take a couple minutes. Are you nervous? He's nervous. I'm not really nervous about your routine. I don't know. It's going to come instantly. It might take a couple minutes. Are you nervous?
Starting point is 01:32:26 He's nervous. I'm not really nervous about farting. I've farted on this before. I'll just have to fart again in an hour. Tell you what, Will. As newcomers, I'm glad we both got out pretty early because I would have had a lot of nerves. Same. Will, that fourth fart.
Starting point is 01:32:48 Pressure was on? Yeah. Guys, what the fuck is he doing? I have no idea. He's getting limber. You only need one body part to fart. It's the lack of a body part. I was going to say, would you call a butthole a body part?
Starting point is 01:33:01 No. I wouldn't think so either. A butthole is 100% a body part. No, a butthole is nothing. No, the spokes are. A butththole a body part? No. I wouldn't think so either. A butthole is 100% a body part. No, a butthole is nothing. No, the spokes are. A butthole is a body part. Is a mouth a body part? Good question.
Starting point is 01:33:12 I don't know. Yes. But the mouth hole isn't a body part. Yeah, it's more lips. I might have a damn good one. I'll see. Go fart in the seat. Take it from him.
Starting point is 01:33:22 Take it. Steal. Yoink. Yoink. Yeah, dude. You sit on it too long. Nopeal. Yoink. Yoink. Yeah, dude. You sit on it too long. Nope, I do his fart. Trick shot. That was a dude perfect fart.
Starting point is 01:33:35 360 no. He trick shot. he trickshot marty mush is showing two very corporate guys the office right now and i love that they're about to look in here and we're just trying to fart into mike come on come on looking here and we're just trying to fart into Mike. Come on, Shay. Here they come. Come on, Shay.
Starting point is 01:34:12 Come on, Shay. Hey, you guys got to fart. Oh, the guy in the leather jacket has a fart face. He's looking at me with a fart face. Yeah, he is. He's with a fart face Yeah he is He's got a fart right He's got a fart You don't wear a leather jacket and not have farts on it
Starting point is 01:34:34 They go hand in hand That guy's like the green cloud fart It is You see leather jacket you think fart Oh you missed the trick shot fart Oh Kyle trick shotted It is. You see leather jacket, you think fart. Goddamn. Oh, you missed the trick shot fart. Oh, Kyle trick shotted. I gotta check my email for business inquiries.
Starting point is 01:34:54 You trick shotted him? Yeah, like a color guard move. Blue angels? Do you think we could synchronize one? Who wants to go synchronize farts? I got nothing right now. If out here starts synchronizing farts. The booth.
Starting point is 01:35:16 No farts. We're getting synced out here. Oh, no, KB. Do you think we could harmonize our farts? What? Oh, no, KB. Uh-oh. I just sent it to you, TJ. Oh, no, KB. Oh. Uh-oh. I just sent it to you, TJ.
Starting point is 01:35:28 Oh, no, KB. Did I shit? No. You shouldn't have to ask us that. You sure know. Hey, Nick, can I ask you something, man-to-man? Did I shit myself? Who shit these pants? Fell out of the bottom of the sea. Hey, be honest with me. Did I shit myself? Who shit these pants? Fell out of the bottom.
Starting point is 01:35:46 Hey, be honest with me. Did I shit myself? I can trust you. You're my boy. Let's see it. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:36:01 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:36:01 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:36:03 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:36:04 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:36:04 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. no. It ain't like that. Pair that with the audio of what he said in the beginning of the show. Are you almost there show are you almost there are you almost there Kate oh no Steven oh man
Starting point is 01:36:32 T.J. do you guys need to spin the wheel oh T.J. I'm gonna shit my pants and that's fine spin it spin the wheel that would count that would count I'm going to shit my pants. And that's fine. Spin it. That would count. Spin the wheel.
Starting point is 01:36:46 That would count. That would count. That's not an option, Zaha. That's all I have right now, Brandon. Do you just want me to go to the gambling cave and ask anybody who wants to come fart? There's 30 people in there. We can set a farting record. Trent's got one cooking right now.
Starting point is 01:37:12 Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got that popcorn. He's got that feed bag strapped to his hip. Clemmer's fart would rattle. Mikey Betts definitely blames his farts on Frank. Perks of the job, baby. All those guys could probably fart right now I don't know Chaps yes
Starting point is 01:37:30 Kirk no Kirk maybe White boy Rick looks so gay right now Gay Rick no What is he sitting? Oh, no, Rick. Holy shit. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:37:52 Oh, Rick. Stop it, Rick. Stop it, Rick. Oh, no. Oh, God. Wait, he's about to see this. It's getting worse and worse Oh no
Starting point is 01:38:07 The swivel Oh my god Rick This is bad That's brutal I can't wait till he sees it Someone tell him now Or text DM him Oh no
Starting point is 01:38:27 Tweet at him We can't pan away until he knows Yeah he's gonna see it eventually He's gonna look up Yeah barely Let's hear it Barely Look up. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, barely. Let's hear it. Barely?
Starting point is 01:38:51 That ain't barely. Bare ass. Who was that from? JP. That sounded like JP. Oh, shout out JP. That sounded like JP. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:38:57 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:38:58 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:39:02 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 01:39:04 Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. oh no oh he's just caught hey rick buddy oh what is he doing oh he's like i don't know i was just picking my nose and playing with my balls Oh. That's brutal. He's got to do something straight. Punch Tate in the face right now. You've got to do something.
Starting point is 01:39:42 He kind of knows. No, I feel like he can't move now now now he's doing the right thing bye you gotta embrace it is my phone just pulled up the yak yet oh yeah hey is your phone saying give us a sassy hand oh you guys boys will be boys
Starting point is 01:40:14 that's the bro sassy hand oh give us that sassy hand rick just do a little oh no come on Oh, give us that sassy hand, Rick. Just do a little. Oh, no. Come on. I think we're in a staring contest right now. Give us a sass. Give us a sass, Rick.
Starting point is 01:40:39 I don't think we're going to get it. No, I don't think so. Like Che's fart. When you say Che, I'll say this. No matter what happens you're gonna be as limber as you've ever been tonight so zon zon tj you guys can phone a fart yeah i don't think no i think they have to call out the person yeah jerry came out like you can call out someone or phone someone but you can't come, can't just be a random farter.
Starting point is 01:41:05 My cousin is like, I swear that fart was so loud. And then he texted me back. He's like, I had my Bluetooth headphones. Oh no. Tommy can. What's Rick doing now? He's still just looking. He's stuck.
Starting point is 01:41:21 He's stuck on it. That would be, I don't know what I would do in that position Yeah I would do the sass hands And just let it be Booth is just letting us down Booth can't fart So bad Someone do high noon
Starting point is 01:41:36 Oh yeah someone do high noon TJ calls someone By the way I'm not going to say it. What? Go back to the booth shot. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't, don't, don't.
Starting point is 01:41:55 No, no, no. Go back to the booth shot. Hey there. Hey, Steph. Steph. I fucking love this show. And remember, we decided that we'll keep the Fart Eliminator off the wheel for three months, then we'll bring it back. It's good every three months.
Starting point is 01:42:27 I fucking love it. Bring the Fiesta anywhere you go. Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack. This variety eight pack features two new tequila flavors, blood orange and prickly pear alongside two tequila favorites, grapefruit and lime. All are made with real tequila and real juice. Perfect for any
Starting point is 01:42:43 tequila, for any fiesta. Find the High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack nearest you at highnoonspirits.com. High Noon, sun's up. Mm-mm-mm. Oh, man. It'd be awesome if Steph just came out here and bodied everybody.
Starting point is 01:43:01 Broke the windows. The messiest. Had to rip our headphones off. I called in a champion. Embodied everyone. Broke the windows. The messiest, hugest part. Had to rip our headphones off. I called in a champion. Oh, you called in a champion. All right. Smart move, TJ.
Starting point is 01:43:24 It is tough to think about anything else on Fart Eliminated. Oh, we have. I had a feeling old chapsy. Yep. Great chaps. Give me a second. Okay. I'm wearing good pants for it. All right.
Starting point is 01:43:34 It is what Kate also referenced, the pants. I'll tell you what, I fart in all pants. It depends on what's. Yeah. There's a lot of pressure. Yeah. It gets nerve-wracking. Oh, that one right there.
Starting point is 01:43:49 No, I don't. No, thank you. No, not yet. Not yet. He aggressive. You look at Trey while she's about to rap. He is. There's a to rap. He is. This is a lot of pressure.
Starting point is 01:44:06 Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, well. Did someone fart? Yep. You did. Okay. I was going to warn you.
Starting point is 01:44:13 I was going to blame it on him. When were you going to warn us? After the fart? I was waiting for Chavs to fart. I don't think you know what warning means. You were going to have Chavs fart and be like, ooh, that sounded like a stinky one. That was my strat.
Starting point is 01:44:24 I'm trying to get it all loosened up. Got it. Clemmer coming in as well. Who's calling Clemmer? Zah? I'm afraid of what Clemmer will do. Oh, it's Chase. This could open up a portal to hell. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:39 It might sound like a Wilhelm. He's going to open up upside down. He sucks us in. It's like a a Wilhelm. He's going to open up upside down. He sucks us in. Go the wrong way. It's like a magic school bus. The fart mic's in Chaps' face. What is that face, Clumber? Oh, yeah, okay.
Starting point is 01:44:57 You can be in the middle. We don't have fart mics. You guys don't have to stand a single mile. Don't put your face too close. Nobody's used a mic to talk. Yeah, go in the middle. So right to the butt, you think? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:11 I think that'd be the best body part to use. Hey! Yeah! You got me! Clemmer! That's the boy. Oh, man. That was huge Way to go Clemmer
Starting point is 01:45:30 Chaps or nothing? Oh Chaps you can't walk out Oh Chaps walking out in shame I'm not walking out I'm trying to get my belly going So Che's off the board Che's off the board so Zahn TJ I called Blutman also he didn't't pick up. He called me back.
Starting point is 01:45:45 I said, are you able to fart right now? He said, I don't know what I'm capable of. So Zahn, TJ need to find a champion. And then Steph has to rip a nasty one. Who's? Oh, white boy Rick. Should we just have him? If he can fart, I think we can count as two.
Starting point is 01:46:06 All right. We'll see if Rick. Zod's calling in a ringer. Oh, nice. A ringer? What does that mean? Who's considered a fart ringer? Oh, Jerry, you got another fart?
Starting point is 01:46:23 What's up, Jerry? He poked in earlier. He's like, hey, you guys need me to go again? You farted walking in fart? What's up, Jerry? He poked in earlier. He's like, hey, you guys need me to go again? You farted walking in? Who's this for, TJ? I don't know. Somebody said they needed a fart. TJ, it's your fart?
Starting point is 01:46:33 Did somebody need a fart? TJ's got his hand up. Oh, no, TJ. TJ, oh, no. Yeah, get down. Look at me while you do it. Oh, shit. I'm quiet, though.
Starting point is 01:47:01 Oh, I have it. I get stage fright. Man. Let me cook in the corner we're all getting pink eye All of us I don't think it reaches that far Lay on each other Oh White Sox D White Sox D
Starting point is 01:47:43 Come here Oh, White Sox D. Oh, yeah. White Sox D. Hey. Hey. Come here. Oh. Oh. All right. Thanks, man. Can you fart for us? I can't fart on command.
Starting point is 01:48:02 Come on. Come on. I'll try. I believe in you. Your slideshow will be punishable with moot if you can do this. No, no, in this mic, in this mic, in this mic.
Starting point is 01:48:13 What if I accidentally shit myself? That would be funny. Sounds like you shit yourself. Don't stare at me. Look at that thing. But that's you. TV. thing but that's you just watch me on TV I don't think I'm going to be able to get it
Starting point is 01:48:37 no I don't have any food in my stomach alright that's fine I tried it's ok alright see you Dave It's okay. All right. Fuck.
Starting point is 01:48:48 See you, Dave. See you. I'll work on it and come back. You'd think there'd be more farters. Grab a couple more out there. Grab some farters. Grab some farters. If I have to fart, can I come back?
Starting point is 01:48:58 Yeah. Yeah. Che never farted, right? No, he snuck out. But the last champion was... Clemmer was his. Oh, got it. Really disappointed. I mean, if you think about the odds of this building,
Starting point is 01:49:20 how many people are in it, how many people outside this studio can't fart, yet this entire studio farted 100%? All groups. The whole squad got out. Gang shit. Best farters in the office. So.
Starting point is 01:49:40 Steve? I don't want to spin our wheel, TJ. Might as well. How many more farts do we have? Two. We just need to get two from any two people. Two farts. Two farts.
Starting point is 01:49:49 Just need two farts. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. How'd that get back on the goddamn wheel? Where did that come from? How did that get back on the goddamn wheel?
Starting point is 01:50:00 Where the fuck did that come from? Yeah. Who did that? We'll catch him, Brandon. Don't worry. We'll find the guy who did this to you. If we could get one of those guys right there. If we could get Leatherjacket, then he counts as two forms.
Starting point is 01:50:14 Wait, alright, let's spin a wheel of all of us to see who we can ask. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, go right now. All of us. I think it would kill me. It could be either guy. Literally die. Oh my god. I need the Leatherjacket. I think it would kill me. It could be either guy. Literally die. Oh, my God. I need the leather jacket. I need leather jacket.
Starting point is 01:50:27 You guys so bad. Oh, spin it quick, TJ. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick.
Starting point is 01:50:35 Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it quick. Spin it.
Starting point is 01:50:40 Spin it. Spin it. I don't have the name so hard. Revert. Cancel. Ch it. Spin it. Spin it. I don't have the name so far. Revert. Cancel. Chaps. How are we doing everyone? I think he's been tipped off.
Starting point is 01:50:55 Yeah, they know. How? Someone has to go get him. Who tipped him off? I don't know. Someone called him. How? You think they've been tipped off?
Starting point is 01:51:03 Marty just got a call. I'll do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. That was so fast. I don't know if someone called him. How? They've been tipped off? Marty just got a call. I'll do it. Just do it. Just do it. That was so fast. I don't know if he's been tipped. We need him. The boss move would be if one of them just stormed in here and grabbed the mic.
Starting point is 01:51:15 What if he's like a big client? Yeah. That was my concern if it got to my name. I think Dan's asking who they are first. That's dude wipe. That's Mr. Wipe Give me five Whoa that guy's stepping up No
Starting point is 01:51:31 That guy's got one They're thinking about it Look at those pants The guy in the suit might be about that action That guy's got one. They're thinking about it. They're loving it. Look at those pants. The guy in the suit might be about that action. I think he is. He's thinking about it. I think he is. He wants to.
Starting point is 01:51:54 Oh, no. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look good. Oh, he's bouncing on his toes. He's working. He doesn't have a fart. What? Figured.
Starting point is 01:52:04 I was trying to explain it. The other guy said he blew it all out. Blew it all out. The other guy already blew it all out. Who are they? I don't know. That was awkward though. I'm sure. I just kept pointing at him.
Starting point is 01:52:22 You want to fart? Hey there, buddy. He's the Miss Peaches voice. Can I just go to the gambling cave and find two people? Yes. Yeah. Go get two people to fart, and then we're good. Are we getting Rick in here, too?
Starting point is 01:52:34 I told Rick he'd be a hero. He said he doesn't have one. Last Fart Eliminator, it was the OnlyFans model. Roan asked. Oh, yeah. She did not, I don't think. Roan asked. Oh, yeah. She did not. I don't think. Roan asked if she farted
Starting point is 01:52:48 with that ass, right? With that ass, yes. You fart with that ass? Nope, something cooking in the booth? I think so. TJ got one? TJ might shit himself
Starting point is 01:53:05 Wait who do you get Brandon's clapping Brandon's ecstatic Jake I mean I'm turtle headed I walked in and I said Who's can fart One man said
Starting point is 01:53:16 I got you What No I couldn't Unexpected Jake You gotta Right there You gotta get this stone I couldn't. Unexpected. Mike, right there, right there, right there. You got to get this stone cold. He's not even in a hurry.
Starting point is 01:53:31 No, he's... I got up and I thought... Be careful with that, Mike. A lot of people fart in that. Everyone's farting into it. It might be more of a poop than a fart. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:53:41 That's fine. Put it in your butt and do it. Hey, this fart's more of a poop. Fart, no. Oh, no. That's fine. Put it in your butt and do it. Hey, this fart's more of a poop. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. It might be a poop.
Starting point is 01:53:54 Okay. False alarm. False alarm. Oh, he's running now. Oh, he's running. He's running. He's running. He's running.
Starting point is 01:54:02 What the hell? I thought there was men in this office. Disappointed. He's going. Yeah. We've all walked that walk before. Oh. Just need two farts. Just two. Just two farts
Starting point is 01:54:26 Just two Just two farts I bet you Billy has to have one If you want to call him Zaha No he won't Because he's running for office
Starting point is 01:54:34 That's what I want I can't do that You'd think there'd be Two farts out here You'd think we would have Two farts This whole room has done it And we can't find two farts in this place? This place is a walking fart factory.
Starting point is 01:54:51 You drive past this building, you're like, I bet there's thousands of farts. They just make farts every day. That's all they do. It's a fart factory. And we can't find two? Not two. Like, how is that possible? That leather jacket guy, definitely. He he's gonna walk outside and rip ass he was giving the chaps belly slap yeah
Starting point is 01:55:10 seeing if anyone was home he's gonna rip ass the minute he walks out i want to see i want to it's so funny also just like not knowing who could walk through that door yeah it's got that like wrestling vibe to it. Oh my God. It's Spider. It's Megan making money's music. What? My God. No one's got one?
Starting point is 01:55:37 I think people here are too comfortable, Dan. They don't think they... I don't know if they're trying to... Should I go yell at them? Get the fuck in here and fart? They all look around each other like, not me. I'm not going to do that. You have a dream job.
Starting point is 01:55:50 In the one day a year, you have to come in here and rip ass if you don't. Where's Mincy? It's a Thursday. There's no guarantee he's here. Who goes in that? Hank? I got one. Hank said no.
Starting point is 01:56:03 Max? What about Max? I'll call Max. Chuck said he's going to try. Chuck is peeing right now. That's not good. I feel like Max is like, you ever seen in the Avengers when the Hulk
Starting point is 01:56:16 is like, my secret is I'm always angry. Max always has to fart. There's no way that Mikey Betts doesn't have a fart. He's got to. He's being shy. All those guys look farty. So farty. Hey, where are you? I'm in the bathroom. Oh!
Starting point is 01:56:35 The worst timing. Get in here and fart. Get into the yak and fart. All right, I can try. Yeah, I know you got one. At least you can try. All right, get in here and fart. Get into the yak and fart. All right, I can try. Yeah, I know you got one. At least you can try. All right, get in here. All right, I got one right now.
Starting point is 01:56:50 He said he could fart. Who is this? This is just for fun. No, this doesn't count. We need live person fart. Sass. Oh, this does count. You want to fart real quick?
Starting point is 01:57:02 Yeah, sure. This counts. This counts. I'll try, but I don't know if I'm... Because because i have to shit so i don't know once a week i was literally just about to get up to shit well we'll go shit good all right give us one put it in your Put the phone near your ass. Put the phone in my ass? Yes. Sass, put your ass on.
Starting point is 01:57:28 I'm going to turn my camera off then. Okay. Why are you not wearing pants? Did you hear it? No. I don't know if I did. Yeah. Well, I farted.
Starting point is 01:57:43 That was perfectly Sass. All right, Max. Later,ed. That was perfectly sad. Later, brother. Come on, dude. I got coffee in my head right now. All right. All right. Coffee house farts. Coffee house farts, does it not?
Starting point is 01:58:00 Come on. Don't act like that's a crazy thing, dude. We've been farting in that mic. I don't give a fuck. Okay, sorry. Axe is doing a sit right now. This is good. All right.
Starting point is 01:58:14 I'm like... Just... Is there like a position that helps? Deep squat. Deep squat. Deep squat. It's hard. deep squat deep squat the eight of us all of us all of you did it yeah
Starting point is 01:58:43 all right he's done now all right i'm going i'm going to the gambling cave. I'm finding us two farts. You have to. Oh, Mr. Big Break. This is ridiculous. We can't find two farts. This could be White Boy Rick's redemption story. Well, I told him. He said he's working on it. Two farts.
Starting point is 01:58:57 Two farts. Just two. I need two, boys. Two farts, but I got me a good boy. I just offered the guy $100 for a fart. You can fart? Do I have to? Yes.
Starting point is 01:59:10 Oh, yes. This couldn't be worse timing. What do you mean, Clyde? You have to poop, too? I'm going through a really bad poop day, and I just pooped. Okay, well, then if you don't have it, you don't have it. Go on. Give it a shot.
Starting point is 01:59:22 Give it a shot. Hop on the center. There's Mike in the middle. Fart Mike. I can burn one. You'd be a hero. Fart Mike sounds like he'll be one of our coworkers. This is gay Pat. White Sox Dave.
Starting point is 01:59:36 Fart Mike. I'll do what the babies do. Barstool Fart Mike. I don't want to talk too close to this. That's tall Mike. Barstool fart. Fart Mike. I don't want to talk too close to this. That's tall Mike. That's fart Mike. If I go for one,
Starting point is 01:59:52 it could really be a day ruiner. Yeah, all right. Day ender. I'm okay with that. Yeah. Big cat looks pissed. Leave it on the field.
Starting point is 02:00:00 As he should be. As he should be. How can these people not just... At least come by. Come on, spider. As he should be. As he should be. How can these people not just at least come crying? Spider? Come on, spider. Oh, spider's stretching. He's brewing.
Starting point is 02:00:13 It's actually kind of like, I'm getting like pee shy almost. Fart. You need me to rub your belly? Rudy, put the mic to your ass. Apparently, we're truly the elite of this company. At least the best assholes, anyway.
Starting point is 02:00:28 Big cat yelling at people. Who's that? What is that? What does any amount of stretching do for a fart? This is just a trick to get everyone to start stretching here. Yeah, I'm trying. Dan, what's going on?
Starting point is 02:00:44 We just heard you out there ripping people. The whole office. Everyone's sitting in weird angles trying to work up a fart. People at their desks with their knees in the air. It's literally like the whole office is on fart duty.
Starting point is 02:01:06 Everyone's just like, I'm trying. I'm trying. I went to the gambling cave. Tate is like doing squats. They know how big of a moment it would be. Still gay. Still gay. Look at him.
Starting point is 02:01:20 Oh, no. No. No. No. No. No. Look at him! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh my god! He's not even talking to anybody Oh my god! I'm crying, love me! Stop bouncing, Mike! Stop bouncing! Come on, Chase, we can't go! Stop it. Rick.
Starting point is 02:02:12 Holy shit. Rick. Rick. Spider, move that chair in front of Rick. Move the chair away from the camera. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. away from the camera stop doing that motion Oh my god. Oh, baby, he's coming in. It's coming. If Rick can fart, the show's over. If Rick can fart, the show is over. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 02:03:29 I think I threw my back out. Oh, here he comes. He's right there. That mic, that mic, that mic. Let's go, let's go. Come on, Rick. Let's go, Rick. Come on, Rick.
Starting point is 02:03:38 Come on. Shh, shh. Yeah! Yay! One moment. Rick also we might have been watching you when you were doing that your life's over don't go on the internet for a while your life's over buddy your life is over
Starting point is 02:04:03 you might have been watching show Rick what we were watching Don't go on the internet for a while, Rick. Your life's over, buddy. Your life is over. Everybody been watching you. Wait, you have to take up the mic. Wait, Rick. Show Rick what we were watching. Please high five me. No, what? You saw what?
Starting point is 02:04:14 Did you get blown up with art? Yeah. Perfect. I Googled how do you induce a fart. All right. That was a great yak. It couldn't have been any perfect. Holy shit.
Starting point is 02:04:30 There's Rick. He's perfect. Yeah, Rick. Rick counts as two there for everything that he went through today. Thanks, Rick. Oh, man. All right, Will. Fights.
Starting point is 02:04:38 Thank you, guys. Oh, what a good one. See everyone tomorrow for Steven's Body Armor Challenge. Brandon Walker Appreciation Day. Yeah. Is he going to be here or no? Is he going to be here, Brandon? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:04:49 He's going to be here. All right. All right. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Thank you. Please subscribe. Subscribe. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 02:04:55 I'm sorry. I thought you were pointing at something. No, no. It's the act It's the act It's your straws, yeah, style of tape for a while It's the act It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop or do a Yankee swap
Starting point is 02:05:24 It's the act It's the act. It's the act. Thanks, White Boy Rick. Sorry for not farting. I'm going to go take a huge dump. Alright, love you, bye.

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