The Yak - Lil Sas & Tommy Cheeseballs Are Beefing HARD | The Yak 10-22-21
Episode Date: October 23, 2021The LOWER Chest Solution (GET DEFINED PICS!)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.li...nk/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
It's a weekday at one o'clock, so you know what that means.
Time for the same old drivel.
Come get your slop.
You and your cubes.
Take a break from your fucking life.
And listen to us.
Talk about nothing in particular.
And you'll eat it up.
You fucking hogs. You heifers And you'll eat it up. You fucking hogs.
You heifers.
You'll eat it up.
Your daily slop.
I don't think I've ever seen the office this empty.
The office is very empty today.
We have the newest Barstool Hire, Jordan, here.
Jordan, what's up?
Am I the newest Barstool Hire at this point?
Festool-y as of yesterday. Yeah, I guess you're like one of the most tenured Barstool hire at this point? Festooli is. Festooli as of yesterday.
Yeah, I guess you're like one of the most tenured Barstool employees now.
They're hiring people left and right.
You won the TikTok challenge that we put on.
I did.
The Barstool TikTok talent search, is that what it was called?
I think it was, yeah.
And you just bodied everybody else.
You crushed a lot of people's dreams.
And who discovered you?
I think technically Gaz.
Yeah, that would make perfect sense.
That would make perfect sense.
Why would that make perfect sense?
He's got an eye.
He's got a good eye.
He hired Alex Cooper.
Did he actually?
You can be the next Alex Cooper.
After a third episode.
I don't know if I would want to be.
You don't want 100 million dollars Literally a 100 million
Literally 100
You're going to say Nash
No I'll take it
I'll take it
Alright
I'll take it
That's what I thought I would too
Would you get fake tits
For 100 million dollars Kyle?
Me?
Yeah
And you have to lug
You have to lug those
Fucking milkers around for you.
It's not the-
Those fucking Greek weddings.
It's not the-
Just a pair of Greek weddings.
Just a big pair of Greek weddings right on.
How big would they have to be?
On KB?
Like standard Alberts.
You would fall over.
Uh-huh.
Like, you guys don't understand how painful that would be.
Nah, I wouldn't.
Just lugging tits?
Yeah.
It's just painful?
If you have like double Ds.
It just hurts all the time?
Yes.
I did waiter curls today.
Dumbbell.
55 sets of 10.
You're saying you could have
55 pound titties
and just be perfectly fine?
What are waiter curls?
I don't know what those are.
You put the dumbbell
in your hand like this.
One of those fake exercises?
Fake exercise.
That's how you get fucking mass.
That's a TikTok exercise?
Have you been doing TikTok exercises?
No.
I found this guy named, like, AthleanX on YouTube, and I just do whatever he does.
But how is he fucking shredded?
It's disgusting.
Can we see AthleanX?
I need to see how –
He's shredded, but he's also kind of –
His name is – What is his name?
Cavalier or something?
His name is Cavalier?
His last name.
Oh, is this him?
Is that what you're going to look like?
He's not like bodybuilder gross.
He's like the...
He's gross.
No.
That's like the lean muscle that I want.
You want to look like him?
He is like a lean...
I want to look like him.
Why?
That would be hilarious.
Every video he makes, he talks about, like, this is killing your gains.
I know.
He hates a lot of things.
He reminds me of myself.
He's the man.
I want to meet him so bad.
He lives in New York.
We can set that up.
What's up, guys?
It's CavalierAthleteX.com.
Today, I want to talk about one of the biggest problem areas for guys, and it's the lower chest.
How old is he?
A non-defined lower chest or a saggy lower chest.
Probably, like, 45.
Okay.
We can fix it.
I'm going to show you eight exercises
here today that are going to allow you to better
target this area. Have you done the lower chest
solution? He has so many videos. I didn't even know there was
a lower chest. I thought it was just all chest.
He has like
thousands of videos.
Yeah.
This video has 20 million views.
20? It's crazy.
What's his net worth
He's probably rich as fuck
Cause he sells like
Supplements
And programs
And are you gonna buy him
I already did
Nuh uh
Did you really
Yeah I'm a sucker for that shit
I do that too
How does the Barstool store
Not have supplements yet
Yeah
Like
The Nelk boys have supplements
Do they really
Yeah
Are they
What do they look like?
Are they big jacked?
Che, how's your circuit going?
You still running something?
Che's mic is off.
The push-up club?
Yeah, what are you doing?
No, I mean, it's football season.
You kind of fell off.
I did lift today.
That's when I catch up in the winter.
We trying to get a lift session soon?
I don't know.
We did one of those once. I don't know with you. I've been going beast mode in the winter. Are we trying to get a lift session soon? I don't know. We did one of those once.
I don't know with you.
I've been going beast mode in the gym recently.
Beast mode?
You tweet that like every day.
Yeah, but as of recent it's been wild.
I mean, if you worked out how your tweets convey,
you would be the biggest man in the world.
Yeah, Sass, I don't know.
Is this like something that's real?
I can't tell if it's just an ongoing joke.
It is real. I'm jacked.
The most he's ever talked to me when I had
a question about
gains and protein, and he sent
me like five paragraphs.
Jesus, Sass.
I was pumped about it.
The longest text Sass has ever sent me was
word.
It's usually okay, and then word. I'm just like, oh, that was a nice convo with Sass has ever sent me was word. It's usually okay.
And then word, I'm just like, oh, that was a nice convo with Sass.
Sent me word.
Yeah, no, I did text KB a lot of stuff.
I appreciated that.
Just trying to make sure he didn't make the same mistakes I made.
Yeah.
When is your torso reveal?
Torso reveal is all Saints Day.
All Saints Day?
They're all souls. Someone should get me and say that we should
do the torso reveal
with the nipple game.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
We'll make the nipple game
before your torso.
That's pretty sick.
I have standard size nipples
and hue and shape.
I have inverted nipples
and they're soft.
I don't think there's
any baby soft.
I'm not nowhere.
Any joke you can make
about my nipples.
They used to be Audis
but one day
went into hibernation. They have not come out about my nipples. They used to be Audis, but one day.
Just went into hibernation.
They have not come out in like five years.
I can be crazy as hell when I want to be.
You?
Yeah.
Just when I want to be.
A guy like me.
A guy like me.
More girls should look for a guy just like me.
You want to talk about the DM you got?
No, no, no, no, I don't.
We'll talk about that later.
Talk about Alec Baldwin? I do want to talk about that.
No, no, no, no, no.
I know why we can't.
No, we can't.
Why?
I'll tell you later.
I hate that.
It's DMs from girls because they know I'm the perfect catch.
I can talk your ear off about sports,
and then at night, I'm a fucking freak in the sheets.
Saying a dude is a freak in the sheets is the funniest fucking thing.
Can a guy be a freak?
No.
Like, as a freak in the sheets.
Yeah.
Oh, you hooked up with Barstool KB?
Yeah, he was a fucking freak.
Jordan, how can a guy be a freak can is it possible
girl i don't think girls really say like guys are freaks no except except for me yeah crazy
uh jordan you are from minnesota we can tell from your accent you're from that area do i actually
have an accent yeah Yeah. Say yes.
A little bit.
It's not as jarring as the North Dakota, Fargo traditional accent.
When I lived in Fargo, it was bad.
So you went to North Dakota State?
Yes.
Yeah.
Go Bison.
Yeah.
How are the physiques in North Dakota?
Probably gross.
Honestly, like... He's like the hottest guy.
Was there any hotties?
Is there hotties?
In Fargo?
Honestly, not really, but I did go to a big football school, so there are a lot of people
who are in good shape.
Okay.
Yeah.
The players.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Midwest has very ugly people.
Men.
You hear that?
You hear that?
In your cubes, you thought this would be an escape.
You thought this would be an escape here in thought this would be an escape hearing boys talk.
You just get called ugly.
It's our biggest demographic.
Uggos.
Ugly men.
What's the ugliest place you've ever been to?
I think it was like northern Michigan.
Northern Michigan was ugly, you think?
Ah, man.
Southern Ohio.
The ugliest fan base, I've said this ad nauseum, is the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Yeah, by far.
The grossest, the unhealthiest, and just the worst.
Yeah.
When I go to a Steeler game with my friends, I feel like I'm an 11.
No, you were at the board game convention.
The board game convention, I feel like I'm 12.
I believe that.
But every Pittsburgh fan looks like they own a pawn shop.
I think.
Personally.
Jordan, this is your first time on the Yak.
Oh, shit.
I take it back.
That wasn't a sneak diss.
Put that away.
I know, it kind of freaks me out that this is live.
Yeah?
Yeah, it should.
We kind of toe the line.
We do definitely toe the line.
I feel like you guys, like, do you guys say anything bad ever?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
And they would not have to retroactively take the video down and cut a snippet out.
That would never, ever happen.
I've never watched this.
And leave a much worse snippet.
Yeah.
We had to cut out a snippet of a show, but on that same show, KB said you can't be raped sitting down.
And then they didn't cut that out.
Because that was more informative.
Yeah, it was more informative.
If you're feeling in danger, just take a seat.
That was like a PSA.
If somebody's following you home from the bar, just sit right down on the ground.
Find a chair.
We listened to a brutal assault last night.
What?
Some dude directly outside our apartment got jumped for, 30 minutes straight and was just screaming.
How does that happen?
Oh, my God.
We could hear the thuds of him getting hit.
Did you look out the window?
Oh, yeah, I was looking out the window the whole time.
I couldn't see it.
I couldn't see him getting jumped.
I could see him.
I could see the guys running away.
And then all the like like 10
cop cruisers showed up and they were all like guns ready to be shooting it was crazy it went
on for like 45 it was like a 45 minute getting your ass kicked for 45 i think i would die in
the first 10 he i guess they like stole his bike and all his money so he made that very clear he
screamed he stole my bike and my money he was like verbalizing full sentences yeah because he worked for it he was yeah he said i work for my money he was screaming what time was it at 2 a.m
it was like yeah two one probably started at 1 30 wrapped up around 3 30
director's cut of a jump yeah shit uh one time i told you and then alec baldwin was there for a
minute alec baldwin sharpshooter yeah yeah. Yeah. Alec Baldwin was fleeing the scene.
That's a sad story.
Now, you posted on your Instagram story a picture of Alec Baldwin with just a broken heart.
Like, you felt bad for him.
I felt bad for Baldwin.
I kind of do.
No, the story as a whole is sad.
Yeah.
It's crazy that they said that it was like, they were like, oh, Alec Baldwin accidentally shot a crew member
and then it turned out
he was the cinematographer.
Yeah.
Well, he shot two people.
That's not a crew member.
Didn't another person
get shot too?
No, the director was injured.
Director was injured.
How does he fire a gun
and then shot two people?
Because it's not like
he didn't kill
an assistant producer
or something.
Because when they say prop gun,
there's no such thing
as a prop gun.
They're actual guns.
Yeah, they're blanks, right actual guns yeah they're blanks right
but like are they always blanks uh after um brandon lee died in the crow yeah he died on set
uh they've made like a million precautions that would never happen again but then baldwin
he found a way how wait so i'm just confused. Yeah, look at Jordan. Oh, wow. The broken heart. That's a good one.
All my Instagram. Good sentiment, Woodruff.
Thanks for the shout out.
All my Instagram.
Shouldn't you have posted the one who died?
Oh, thanks.
Yeah.
What about the poor woman?
Were you sad that he didn't kill more?
Clickbait, you guys.
I want people to click on it.
I want people to click on it.
It's a shame.
I thought bald wouldn't be able to take more videos.
Your most viral video, the one that put you on the map, is like covering the tragic and
gruesome death of a dog.
Okay.
That was not my most.
That didn't put me on the map.
But it was your biggest video.
That was your biggest video.
Yeah.
It was like 12 million views, I think.
So you found the silver lining in that.
And we talked about this yesterday.
We were like, oh, so do like kind of hope for tragedies in the
in like if 9-11 were happened today like you would and then this happened
that's not my lane that's not my lane no no you're the ambulance chaser of tiktok what would
you post today if 9-11 happened today i don't think i would post about it you post a picture
of the taliban with a broken heart, that's what it sounds like.
Even with the Gabby Boutique. Muhammad Atta with the cry emoji.
I am purely pop culture.
Yeah, okay, but you lean toward the TikTok,
the social media world.
And the dog's a famous TikToker.
That's what I talked about.
The dog was.
I was going to say half XXXTentacion,
half Osama bin Laden.
Should I just rebrand to that?
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
This is your first time on the show.
First time watching the show, too.
What?
That's just disrespectful.
Don't tell us.
Don't tell us that.
I'm kidding.
I actually watched this show for the first time before I started
because you guys thought I was Kat Stickler,
so a lot of people sent me the clip.
And then I was like, oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, we did.
And you guys, Girl Yak, didn't you rank us?
And you'd never seen the show?
Wait, you ranked us?
Yeah, I was ranked number one.
Can we stop at the rankings?
I was.
No, she said that at your show because it was, no, I was.
Really?
No, I was number one.
Don't think so, brother.
But you had never seen the show?
Seth doesn't even talk to us.
You already got the Big Cat and the Brandon list.
You just give me this one? Give me the Girl Yak rankings? Brother, I can't think so, brother. But you have never seen the show. Sam doesn't even talk to it. You already got the big cat in the Brandon list. You just give me this one.
Give me the girl yak rankings.
Brother, I can't do that.
I mean, I sit by them every day, though.
Buddy, I love you to death, but you know I can't do that.
Oh, man.
What were we saying?
I just lost my train of thought.
We're talking about Baldwin.
Oh, I was going to say.
So Shane Gillis got fired from SNL for saying something on a podcast.
Do you think Baldwin's going to get the chance to keep his job as doing the Trump impersonator?
What a comparison.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Forgot he did that.
I feel like Alec Baldwin's going to go in hiding.
He's going to be traumatized from this.
No, he's not.
Not Alec Baldwin.
I always imagine that he's kind of a fucked up dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's fine right now.
Yeah, he won't...
I bet he won't show his face for a while.
He doesn't even know.
They, like, shielded him.
No, no, like, the first thing he said was,
well, yeah, get another.
Get another cinematographer.
I'm going to tell you, what does she do?
Just takes still.
She takes photos.
Get any camera.
Get a robot.
Get a tripod.
Put a camera on on have you ever been
followed home
I don't think so
one time
I told you guys this
in college
it was like 3am
I was coming home
from the bars
and I was unintentionally
following a girl home
like she was a few
don't you want her to turn
so badly
she was like paces ahead of me
and I felt very uncomfortable every single uncomfortable so my move eventually i was just i just shouted to her hey i'm not
following you okay and then she ran she ran i was like that was the the worst thing i could have
said i should have just turned around i feel like every single day i'm in a scenario where i'm like
this person in front of me thinks i'm following them yep yeah every single day because if it's
more than like four blocks yeah and a turn yeah i'm like they think I'm following them. Yep. Yeah. Every single day. Because if it's more than like four blocks and a turn.
Yeah.
I'm like, they think I'm following them.
Getting on a subway with somebody and off at the same stop.
Brutal.
I try and like get up and like make it known I'm getting off at this stop before anyone
else makes a move.
You guys really think about this.
Yeah.
I don't want to be creepy.
Because it's so uncomfortable.
Yeah.
I carry a taser with me everywhere.
So if someone does follow me.
Oh, I do too.
Do you actually?
In case like the person knows
that i'm following them my dad uh bought me a fucking police baton when i moved to new york
what the hell are you gonna do a police baton we were looking at guns last night really yeah
i texted on i said you can't get a gun it's impossible to get a gun in new york city
remember shorty usa i bet it's not well legally i it's really easy. Do you guys live in a very unsafe area?
Yes.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
Good correction.
Owen got swung at the other day.
Oh, yeah.
I did hear that.
That's scary.
This was like, I can't emphasize it.
This was literally like where our door is.
And then like 10 minutes go by, we're all texting in like our group chat and our apartment
group chat.
10 minutes after it ends, Dukes texts and he's like, I might need someone to buzz me in.
And I was certain it was him.
I was getting jumped.
He's the type of guy that would get jumped.
Well, he has recently, hasn't he?
He got jumped by a, self-jumped by his bicycle.
He landed face first onto the street.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Onto Stone Street, which is a bump.
You don't want to fall face first onto a cobblestone road.
What did you ask him that he just didn't understand?
He didn't get the joke?
I was like, I heard you got into a fight with a street yesterday.
He was like, no, I fell off my bike.
What did you say?
The question?
I forget what it was, but I made a joke, and he just didn't get it.
He never will.
Never.
We've been good, but it is Jordan's first time on the show.
TJ?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
It's a lose-lose situation for you.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
All right, let's begin.
Have you ever played Family Feud?
No.
Have you ever watched it?
No.
Bad answer.
Bad answer.
You're playing against Kaya.
Kaya Tucker.
I'm not good at game shows.
All right.
Tell me a part of the bicycle that would be tough to ride without.
The seat?
The seat.
The handlebars?
Okay.
Handlebars.
This is just naming parts of a bicycle.
Yes, it is.
The pedals?
The pedals.
There's a...
The brake?
The brake? You're forgetting two big circular points. Oh, the wheels. The pedals? The pedals. There's a... The brake? The brake?
You're forgetting two big circular points.
Oh, the wheels.
The wheels.
The mongoose pegs.
The brakes go too.
The mongoose pegs.
The aluminum can that you stick to the wheel so it sounds like you have a motor.
Arm brakes, B-R-E-A-K.
It is.
Yeah.
That is...
I'm a horrible speller, so no.
That is Stephen Che.
That ain't it.
That ain't it. That ain't it.
You don't think it's Breaks?
Breaks.
Spell it.
Yeah, is that Spell Breaks?
You guys are dumb.
How do you spell Breaks?
B-R-A-K-E-S.
Oh, B-R-A-K-E-S.
I already put that one in and said no.
All right, 15 seconds.
Shock.
You're up by six.
Maybe a chain or gear.
Yeah, gear.
Let's try gear and chain.
Gear and chain.
Wait, why did you delete chain?
Chain was for sure the more
Stephen Che.
You said gear and chain.
Now try chain.
Tire.
Chain.
Chain.
That's on TJ.
He should have stopped you.
Jordan, do you know TJ?
No, I don't.
Nice to meet you guys. 100% on T. Jordan, do you know TJ? But I won. No, I don't. Do you know Stephen Che? No, I don't.
Nice to meet you guys.
That's the fellas.
All right.
Round two.
This is where things get a little crazy.
Oh, we keep playing?
Oh, we?
No, no, no.
Name something you fold.
Paper?
Clothes?
Paper.
Clothes.
Okay.
That's like the- Oh, like bedding, sheets, comforter? Bedding, sheets, comforter. Clothes. Okay.
That's like the... Oh, like bedding, sheets, comforter?
Bedding, sheets, comforter.
Oh.
I'm trying to find broad terms.
What else do I fold?
What do you fold?
Could they be articles?
Can you do comforter?
Brian.
Ben folds five.
Maybe a hand, a deck of cards.
Oh, cards.
Yeah.
Towel.
Maybe a towel.
We haven't got this one.
Linens.
I guess towel falls under linens.
Probably.
Why is it you didn't do clothes yet?
I did clothes yeah
Underwear came up
Shirt
Oh
I know
I'm afraid that shirt's gonna be the number one
And this is gonna be
Shirt
Some fuckery
Oh
Yeah
Okay pants
We're out of time
But you did good
Oh see when I said clothes
And underwear popped up
I just assumed
I did too
You met all of them
No that's fair
You're doing very well
If she gets the highest score This is bad news Yeah it is cause I Don't even Yeah because I saw clothes and underwear popped up. I just assumed that you met all of them. No, that's fair. You're doing very well.
If she gets the highest score, this is bad news.
Yeah, it is because I don't even knock it at this game.
You're right.
Because I'm a girl.
That was it.
Give me another name kids use for father.
Dad.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Papa.
Pop-pop.
Pop-pop.
Can we finally watch the mommy video that I've been in? My father the mommy video family feud mommy video sure we'll watch that um i'll get a sir you'll get a chuckle sir mr
um craig savior
god is your dad's actually is your dad named craig no that's a good dad's actually, is your dad named Craig?
No.
That's a good dad name.
Oh God.
You called dad.
Oh,
I mean,
I guess.
Priest.
Father.
Yeah.
Father's not even an option.
That's what I call my dad.
Do you do?
Well,
cause it was other than father.
Priests should have been one.
You're right.
Sass always...
When we zig, sass is always zagging.
Name a farm animal a turkey might imitate
to escape from being eaten at Thanksgiving.
Chicken, ham, cow.
Just say one.
Oh, I'm going to do one.
My favorite farm animal, ham.
Name something of yours that is in terrible condition.
My phone.
Phone.
Name something babies do many times a day.
Poop.
Poop.
I would have gone with cry.
I would have gone with cry as well.
Name a country where they drink lots of wine.
Italy. Italy. Good answer. See, I would have gone with cry. I would have gone with cry as well. Name a country where they drink lots of wine. Italy.
Italy.
Good answer.
See, I would have gone with Spain there.
Name something you do every day that starts with the letter S.
Sex.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Every day.
That's rough.
You a freak like that?
It's a family project.
I thought I was the only fucking freak on the show.
Top points.
I probably am the biggest fucking freak on the show.
Poop. Cry was number one. You need biggest fucking freak on the show. Poop.
Cry was number one.
You need to break up.
She did it.
Wow.
No way.
Yeah, yeah.
That's just you.
That is.
I mean, I don't, but I thought it would give me good points.
Family Feud just kink shamed you.
I thought it would give me good points.
Sit.
What was number one?
Sit.
Oh, sit.
Yeah.
That would have been a good one.
Sleep.
Sleep.
That probably would have been better.
Can you pull up the Family Feud Mommy video?
Family Feud Mommy. Oh, did I just get a new high score?
Do you want the 11-minute version or the 4-minute version?
Oh, shit.
Wait, how is there an 11-minute version of the Mommy?
I don't remember.
How is there a 4-minute version?
Honestly, this should be 30 seconds.
It's long for a reason.
I think someone's watching the show.
They just texted me.
What about Steve Nene?
I think a lot of people are watching.
Pause that.
Pause that.
What did you just say?
What the fuck?
You think somebody is watching?
What is that?
What do you mean?
It's a live show.
What do you think this is?
I'm just saying someone just texted me.
They're watching the show.
Oh, we're a doxing show.
But I don't have their numbers.
Who do you mean?
Someone.
One of your friends?
I don't have their numbers. Give them a call. Oh, a're a doxing show. But I don't have their numbers. Who do you mean someone? Like one of your friends? I don't have the numbers.
Give them a call.
Oh, a random number?
What's their number?
Oh, we bring out the old faces.
No.
Yeah, it must be someone old.
Yeah.
Someone old and told.
Brother, stay in your fucking way.
Tell me another way people say mother.
What about Steve Nene?
Nene?
I mean, yeah.
Didn't you say Nana?
I did say that, Steve, yes.
She said Nana, and her answer was Nana.
What is you saying?
Stop clapping.
What, is you trying to say it in Spanish or something?
Steve.
It's the same word.
They're going to spell it the same way.
Steve looks angry.
Yeah, he's sped up.
Changing the inflection.
And no, no can't be your answer.
He's a legend for this. Before you say no, no can't be yours. He's a legend for this.
Before you say no, no.
Okay, Sheila.
Tell me another way people say mother.
Mommy.
How is this 11 minutes?
Mommy was already used.
She said mommy.
Right.
Not mommy.
You want mommy.
Not mommy.
Right.
I see you.
I feel you.
That's hot.
Okay, now, let me ask y'all something.
Steve. Y'all something. Steve.
Y'all crazy.
That's not a question.
This is why we can't have Steve and Che on Family Feud.
This is the shit he pulled.
Yeah, it is.
This is the shit he pulled. Yeah, it is. This is the most Che shit. And just say I'm different cause you want to.
Nanny.
Nana.
Nami.
Na na.
He knows he's got the crowd right where he wants them.
Finish them, Steve.
Okay.
Tell me another way people say mama.
Don't tell me. What about mommy? Or we already said mommy. Unruly. Okay. Tell me another way people say mom. Don't tell me.
What about mommy?
Unbelievable.
Jesus.
Yeah.
This is tough.
See, like some, like, okay, like, look at me.
Look at me.
Y'all stop laughing at this.
This, like, listen to me.
See, watch how I do this.
Mommy.
See that? Mommy. Now I do this. Mommy. See that?
Mommy.
Now watch this here.
Mommy.
Oh, my God.
Hold up.
Okay.
Now watch this one.
Mommy.
I don't think they get it.
They don't get it at all.
They think he's giving them answers.
They have no idea what the joke is.
No.
That's how it feels talking to Dukes.
Mommy!
All right, Steve.
Gonna show him off.
Okay.
Okay, he needs to chill.
He needs to chill out
He's got one of the easiest
Faces to draw
Yeah
It's a series of lines
He's giving them
All the time in the world
To think
Thank god we didn't get
The four minute version
Because I wouldn't have
Really fully understood this.
This is the four-minute?
What the fuck's the 11-minute version?
We need to talk some for that 10-minute next time.
Tell me another way people say mother.
Okay, Steve.
Nana.
All right.
All right, we...
The fucking...
Sheila Patterson.
Here we go Nah, nah, nah, nah
Nah, okay
I said nah
What's the control guess on that crowd?
I want to hear her next guess
Does she have another one?
Nah, nah, nah, nah
Hey, hey
And now they're just having They're having the time of their lives Does she have another one?
They're having the time of their lives.
What is the other team?
This is it right here.
Whatever you say, we're going to flip it over. All right, you ready, Sheila?
Tell me another way people say it.
No, just hang on.
Just tell me another way you say mother.
Well, Steve, I would say mom, but the answer mom is already up there.
Right.
Well, let's just flip that shit over.
Right.
Wait, pause it.
What would you guys guess?
I'm going to be honest.
I zoned out of that whole thing. I don't even know know yeah where they was it for the word mom yeah Nana was that one oh
Jesus Christ give us one more
Sass you be Steve Harvey
so when she says the answer
we'll cut to Sass
another word for
mom
or mommy
what about like mama
Sass
spell that
M-O-M-M-A
oh
alright you can reveal I actually don't know I don't know either it is Ward Spell that. MMA. Oh.
All right.
You can reveal.
I actually don't know.
I don't know either.
It is hard, but she was stupid about it.
Yeah, she was.
What were the answers? Do we know?
Not a clue.
Well, you only watched the four minute.
No.
I don't know if I need to see the 11.
No.
I don't think I've ever watched a full episode of that show.
No.
Really?
Yeah.
Same.
Oh, it's electric
It's fucking electric
I might start commenting Prez hire this man for people that are way more famous than Barstool
Prez you gotta hire this man
It's like Leonardo DiCaprio
How has Barstool not found this guy yet?
That'll be like a thing eventually
Yeah We'll start hiring like A-list celebrities You think? not found this guy yet. That'll be like a thing eventually.
Yeah.
We'll start hiring like A-list celebrities.
You think?
They're going to join
the pirate ship?
Yeah.
How did the
the pop punk go?
Pup punk.
Pup punk.
Pup punk.
It looked like it went well.
Yeah, the video
we got from Roan
looked really cool.
Ma and Mom.
Yeah, sure.
No.
Just no?
That's kind of all the same
It's all the same
Yeah
Putt Punk looked like it was awesome
Roan
He's a
Real talented guy
Good at everything
He is
What?
He is
What do we have here?
Weekend plans
Most underappreciated person at Barstool
That's a good one
It's gotta be Chico Technico Probably someone I don't know Yeah True What do we have here? Weekend plans. Most underappreciated person at Barstool. That's a good one.
It's got to be Chico Tecnico.
Probably someone I don't know.
Yeah.
True.
Yeah.
Che, you put this on here.
Why?
Do you have an answer for that?
Brian Fitzsimmons.
Oh, he's the best.
Good answer.
He is the best.
Good smile.
Family man.
It used to be Jeff D. Lowe, but then Jeff D. Lowe got his deserved shine.
Yeah.
Now Brian Fitzsimmons.
And now he can go fuck off.
Now Jeff can fuck right off.
Did you say Jeff D. Lowe was underappreciated?
Was.
Before.
Until he became appreciated. How do you know Fitzsimmons if you didn't know TJ or Chet?
Fitzsimmons does like an intro thing.
Yeah, he did an intro to the blog.
Does he do onboarding?
He just like taught me how to use the blog in HQ.
Nice.
I just started.
I just walked in and everybody ignored me for like six weeks.
That's how it works.
That's how it is.
I just get myself in everyone's business because I have no idea what I'm doing.
I have to like approach everybody.
I didn't piss or eat for the first few weeks.
At least you had me.
I had you, but that may have been worse.
I still cry every once in a while.
You cry?
Yeah, I cried on Tuesday, I'm pretty sure.
Why?
I'm sorry.
It's tough.
It's a lot.
It's huge.
It only gets worse.
It's weird.
It will get worse, then it will get better,
and then it will get the lowest you've ever been
after it gets better.
You'll think it's getting better,
but then it'll suddenly get worse.
You'll find new values.
You'll find new trenches. So excited. Yeah.
Because you come in and there's
nobody to tell you what to do.
You're expected to do.
It is overwhelming and it only gets
harder. But we're happy to have you aboard.
When I first got
hired, I'm someone that I get
very uncomfortable where I don't know where I'm going
in situations. I'm going somewhere new and i don't know what i'm
supposed to do when i get there so i go into the office and they're like i got an email from gaz
and he's like stephanie's gonna set you up with your desk and i'm like who the fuck is stephanie
and i had no idea what to do and then eventually i just waited for nick to come in and then he
escorted me to ria's desk and then i sat at ria's desk for like a month, and every day I would be so uncomfortable
because I didn't know Ria,
and I thought she was going to come back into the office
and be like, why the fuck are you sitting at my desk?
That sounds like some shit she'd say.
Yeah.
Well, I didn't know anybody.
It's super uncomfortable.
And Brandon was also an asshole to me when I first started.
Same.
Was he an asshole to you too?
Everyone has, yeah, he is.
Oh, no.
He's just an asshole, yeah.
I can't live down
The whole white thing
I don't think
He's not a circumstantial asshole
It's
He's a legitimate asshole
I sat next to him
Like my second day
At the office
And he was like
That was a one day thing
And he was like
Trying to find me
Somewhere else to sit
I was like dude
Like I don't know
Like what the hell
I'm doing right now
I think he may have been
Fucking with you
Oh no
How did you feel
Starting at like 19 He got off And started looking with you. Oh, no. How did you feel starting at 19?
He got off and started looking around for a different desk.
Sass, how did you feel starting at 19?
I could not start a corporate job at 19.
This isn't a corporate job.
I mean, like a job, though.
It's not college.
It's a job.
I don't think you could.
Not this job.
It's probably better to come from college
than to be in the fucking cubes and then this.
It shocks the system.
Because this is the opposite of the fucking cubes. And then this, it's like, Oh yeah. Shocks the system. Cause this is the opposite of the fucking cubes.
Did you ever work in the cubes?
Yeah.
I've had a corporate job for over four years.
In a cube.
Yeah.
I worked in corporate insurance.
Sister.
Welcome out.
Welcome to the resistance.
Yeah.
You ever had like a playlist that only has like three or four songs.
Yeah. And you just,
you kind of like fall half asleep and you're listening to it on a never-ending loop.
Yeah.
That's what my life has become.
I'm on a never-ending loop of spewing the same drivel on a day-to-day basis,
except I don't have the luxury of being on autopilot.
I just have to be very conscious about the drivel I spew and put a lot of effort into it.
No, it is really true.
You'll go through phases, though.
Yeah, I've been in a real valley for the past year.
One day you'll wake up and you'll be like, oh, this will be fun today.
I'll spend hours, painstaking hours, trying to come up with it.
But every now and then you'll have one good one.
And the thing is, once you put out something that's good,
you don't get to relish it.
It's what's next.
God.
And so you're never satisfied
even when you're doing well.
Yeah, my brain is like stationed
in like a science camp in Antarctica
trying to come up with new
interesting drivel
that I've already spewed three times.
I'm glad you guys feel this way.
I thought I was the only one.
Nah.
Nah, we're just clowning.
Nah, I'm just clowning.
Are you?
Are you guys?
No, but I definitely did realize that I need to come up with a new hobby or something.
Something.
Something else has to happen in my life.
This used to be my hobby.
Now it's my job.
Yeah, that's the worst part about it.
You seem unapologetically jolly.
Are you an introverted extrovert?
Yeah, I'm 50-50.
That was brave.
I'm more introverted than extroverted, though.
But you can be.
But you're a little extroverted.
Extroverted.
You ever snap on somebody online?
You ever get in the mud?
You ever get in the mud?
I mean, I've definitely snapped at people, yeah.
Publicly. If you had to pick one person in
the office to beef with because they set you up with that person early who like when we get here
we get assigned somebody to start beef with it's a good career move i don't like mine's uh tommy
cheese balls oh wait a minute we need to bring that up. I was trying to go back and forth.
Tommy Cheeseballs.
I think it was just a fourth from him.
This dude who almost got hired here.
He's a reality TV star.
We worked with him for about 13 seconds.
And then he randomly just...
I tweeted a picture of the...
It was during the draft day.
We need to pull up that tweet.
And you had the...
I had the face pin on. And you were smoking a cigarette. You just posted the picture. It was funny. draft day. We need to pull up that tweet. And you had the – I had the face pin on.
And you were smoking a cigarette.
And you just posted the picture.
It was funny.
And he commented, and he was like, where does Barstool find these people?
Like the chump, the chump factory.
The chump factory.
That was his first interaction with you?
Yeah.
I think he was trying to start something with me.
Let's start.
I didn't know chump was a Jewish slur.
Is it really?
No.
Is it really? No. Is it really?
No.
No, no, no, no.
Can we pull up that tweet?
Because I want to see what it was.
Yeah, I want to see the picture.
You haven't seen the picture?
No.
I think you have to come back.
It went viral.
Now.
His tweet did?
No, mine did, obviously.
I'm not going to go back.
I'm not going back at it.
Viral should be scaled. So viral for you has to be over 100K. Yeah, yeah. It'm not going to go back at it. Viral should be scaled.
So viral for you has to be over 100K.
Yeah, it didn't go back.
Look at this.
Jump Central.
Oh, this picture.
Oh, this was recent then.
Yeah.
I don't follow him or anything.
I was just looking through my replies as one does.
TJ, do you want to catalyze something?
What does that word mean?
Like start the beef?
Should we ratio his ass?
This is strictly sass, but you can do it from the
Yak account.
Yeah, let's hide behind the Yak. That's the best thing to do.
I love doing that. The thing is, I don't really want to get involved
in it, because I don't want
next thing I know to be like me and
Tommy Cheeseballs on the Dave Portnoy show,
like, hashing it out.
I genuinely don't give a fuck about this. That'd be really funny. I think that's what he wants. Tommy Cheeseball is on the Dave Portnoy show, like, hashing it out. Well, then you're just going to bring him into Barstool.
That would be really funny.
Yeah.
I mean, that's like what – I think that's what he wants.
What are the offensive replies?
Like, that's his ideal – How many followers does he have?
Fake-ass Italian.
Jesus.
This chump has half a million followers.
Tommy Cheeseball.
Tommy Butterball.
Oh, he's defending you.
The opposite of Cheeseball wouldn't be Butterball. No. No. It wouldn't be the shape of a of cheese ball wouldn't be butter ball.
No.
It wouldn't be the shape of a ball.
It would be a cube.
Maybe.
What's the opposite of cheese?
Fuzz?
Yeah.
Like a fuzz or a sludge.
A sludge.
Sludge cube.
No.
Sludge prism?
Prism.
Yeah, I don't know.
Are these all the people that like the tweet?
Every single one of them is on my fucking shit list.
Say it to his face.
Sass's face.
No.
Yeah, actually say it.
Do that.
KB, maybe you can hop in here.
I have the account.
I could do it myself.
Say pretty big behind that keyboard.
Yeah.
Pretty big behind that keyboard.
I don't hate the caps.
No, because the caps comes off as too aggressive.
It's a good...
Cheese puff.
Cheese puff.
Then do the clown emoji.
No, no, no. Attach a link
to, what was it, fart sound number seven?
What's the fart we always use?
Search.
I don't.
We don't want wet farts.
We want search like a stinky fart.
Yeah.
We want the stinkiest fart.
What was that?
Three boobs, Steve Harvey?
We'll see that soon.
Three boobs.
Stinky fart sound.
Yeah.
I want him.
I don't want it to be the loudest fart on YouTube.
Wet and airy.
That's the opposite of what I want.
I want stinky.
I want it to sound...
Sound stinky.
Violent.
You can tell.
That's it.
Okay, link that.
That's the best one.
God damn.
That's why we're internet legends.
Make sure you throw the clown emoji in there.
Yeah, yeah.
The clown emoji is so good.
There we go.
Can we play that fart one more time?
I want to make sure it's the right one.
Yeah.
Jordan, you approve of that one?
You think it's a good one?
Is it a good smell?
Perfect.
I think that's the stinkiest one on YouTube.
They found the fucking stinkiest fart on YouTube.
Yeah, they fucking do.
All right.
Remember we watched that grandpa fart for like 12 minutes?
Yeah.
It was a dark day.
Or was it?
It was a good day.
It was a good day. They're all the same.
Good ass day.
Yeah.
Do you have different days, Kyle?
Yeah.
In what sense?
I don't know.
I do like the same six things.
What are they?
You know.
Yeah.
Empty?
It's as you were complaining about the monotony of your life
yeah it's just sometimes when i wake up too late i like go do the yak and then i go to the gym and
then i come home and i'm like so that was it like that's all that's the day and then i lay in bed
and like wait to go to bed that's depressing that is oh that'll become what your life that is
especially when the girl that is that gets. The description in academic journals is what he just said.
Yeah.
Have you ever been disappointed to wake up?
Yeah.
No, I'm not.
Is your room accumulating garbage and filth?
Oh, like no one's ever seen before?
Yeah.
Your room looks like a garbage dump.
Yeah.
It's really messy.
It's like...
I'm cleaning it today, though, because I'm going to set up my PlayStation today.
Fuck yeah.
And everything will change.
Everything will change.
You'll be less depressed now that you can play video games.
So you did obtain a free PlayStation?
I did.
Actually, I had to pay for the shipping.
Sounds worth it.
Well, no, it wasn't completely free.
Someone who made you pay for shipping.
It was 60 bucks.
A fan?
A real fan?
Yeah.
Made you pay shipping.
Your live show will give you purpose.
Maybe that will make you feel better.
Will it?
Yeah, probably.
I want to start doing a bunch of live stuff just to do something.
I think it would be nice if I could just do a stand-up show every night.
Not like a show, but like do a set.
You probably could, right?
Yeah, I got to get the connections to do that, though.
Shane Gillis.
You guys are on texting terms, right?onan him are and they talk about me like negatively i don't know yeah shane gillis did text ron and
said you backed down right he said i backed down against dave what do you mean were you
back down for what?
I don't know.
I mean, so we had like – so the night before we were recording, I came up with like a bunch of joke ideas that I thought would be hilarious. Like we were going to ask him when he got hired at Barstool.
Like I wanted to open up the interview with that and be like, when did you get hired?
And I thought that would be funny.
And as soon as he got in there –
I was like, this isn't going to – like none of this is happening.
That was a good choice.
Yeah. I was like this isn't gonna That was a good choice He came in
Obviously if we were doing
Jokes he would not have
Thought they were funny
He literally said he doesn't like planned out comedy
On the show
He just wants you to happen to have
The same exact outfit as him
And then throw it on and sit right next to him.
That was the best weekend professionally you could have ever had.
Everything just fell into place beautifully and ironically,
because on paper it's not the best weekend.
Well, it made you a legend too because you're not –
Legend, yeah.
Like you're not – you don't have the foresight to be able to plan out a prank.
And then you just became this
prankster
no
that was like
divine
that I had the
same shirt in my
luggage
and jeans and
like similar shoes
yeah
that video is so
fucking funny
can we pull that up
actually
I don't know
I don't know
I've seen the video
I know like there's
the phone call is
it's on the Barstool site if I listen seen the video. I know there's the phone call. It's on the Barstool site.
I listen to the phone call.
I listen to it probably more than I would like to
because it's so fucking funny.
I don't think I've ever seen it.
Oh, it's good.
KB was a faceless...
Well, he was hiding behind his own young face
when he first got hired here.
I think we're more alike than he thinks.
Not this.
Is that homemade? Do you see what's going on here, Frankie?
Oh, shit.
Well, no, I thought he, like, remade our shirts.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know.
I had never talked to him
this was the first time
I was feeling a little loose
he was in the process of losing
50 grand on a March Madness game
and you were there just fucking
oh my god
that's one of the funniest things
can you find the phone call
I think it's on the Barstool website Oh, my God. That's too late. Oh, my God. That's one of the finest things. Can you find the phone call?
I think it's on the Barstool website.
I just searched KB under Dave's Twitter.
El Prez, then KB knows.
Oh, shit.
Is that Gaz?
Yeah.
KB's been evicted.
You're done.
You're kicked out of a hotel.
You don't get kicked out of a hotel for in vegas do you want to call your band from cosmo yes you're the only one who really knows what happened
i know and i people are gonna assume that is a that it's me and I have a drug problem.
I mean, again, I don't know.
People say I have a drug problem.
If you don't have a drug problem, what do you care?
I mean, clean it up.
You've done DP40, DP41, DP42.
You're the first guy.
You didn't even make it a day before you got to the heave-ho.
Making your mark. How are they going to keep you out of the hotel
well they said that they would arrest me
for a misdemeanor
yeah I've been there done that
okay
look at that little belly
it's playful
that wasn't the full thing
yeah can we find the full one?
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
You're just like, yeah, can we not record this?
I told them, like, my parents.
I don't want them to find out.
And they did.
Not until I gave you swag.
And he recorded.
They found out from that video.
No.
He tweeted the video of the conversation before I got around to telling anyone.
The full video is much better.
It's fine.
But, yeah.
You were one of the first people to text me. I barely even
knew you. You sent your condolences.
Meanly. It was.
It was full of puns.
You guys knew each other then?
I was doing stuff with him at the time.
He was doing stuff for me at the time.
With.
The best jokes though.
They were. I made a joke about
people in Maine eating jam and I said Saturdays are for the boys in Barry.
And people were like, how does Kate be fucking?
That was one of the comments.
Unreal brain on that kid.
Do girls ever want you to call them a weird brain in bed?
Yeah.
It's been happening to me more and more, man.
Jordan, how was your first yak?
So far, so good.
Any tips, pointers?
Yeah, like what would you guys do if this was the girl yak?
You guys have filmed like four episodes.
When did they come out?
Yeah, what the fuck?
Are you dropping them all at once?
Is it bingeable?
Well, we have to get it green-lighted first.
So we just put the sizzle reel together and hopefully sent it to sales i think i personally think i would like to see more of
your guys's like personal lives like i feel you guys just like stay above you want to see our
personal lives there's not much to see you this is it this is it this is the peak of my day like
we were saying this is it this is what this is our day yeah But like we were saying, this is it. This is what I strive to do.
Yeah, this is why I...
I've started to dislike the yak
because I know this is the best part of my day.
And it's only downhill from here.
And when Big Cat says,
you guys want to eat it?
I'm like, let's try a couple more minutes.
I'm always like, let's just do two hours.
I feel like that childlike doom
when you have to leave your friend's house.
It wraps up the...
When you wake up at a friend's sleepover.
And your mom's the first one there.
It feels like you're at your cousin's and you ask to sleep over and they said no.
I wasn't close to my cousins.
I never went to sleep over at my cousin's.
I didn't sleep over at my cousin's.
I used to sleep over at my cousin's.
When I slept over at my cousin's, I slept over at my cousins, I slept over at my cousins.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
KB had a very strict childhood.
He had to go to bed at 8 p.m.
Really?
In bed, lights off, 8 p.m.
No sweets.
The extent of our sweets were Ritz crackers.
No, graham crackers.
Those are good.
I developed like a sugar
addiction when I would go to a friend's house and I'd just
torment like the granola bars,
the fudge rounds. Your favorite candy was
like oatmeal cream pies.
You're the kid who ate all our snacks.
We had no sweets. 8 o'clock bedtime right after
Rugrats. Jesus. Until you were
like a sophomore in high school.
I don't know if it was that. Is that why you're so crazy now?
I am a crazy ass white boy now.
I guess I'm rebellious still.
Yeah, you're still rebellious.
I'm the 28 year old rebel.
I'm the angsty 30 year old.
The best.
It's my parents fault.
Doing coke on Twitter and sending it to my parents
like how do you fucking like this?
Dad.
Mom.
Mom.
You see me doing coke
in public.
Getting kicked out
of the Cosmo.
The funniest video
of KV was back.
What are you gonna do about it?
You don't even care,
do you?
Are you glad we opened up
this can of worms?
Personal life?
I am.
Yeah?
Love the vulnerability.
K, we just saw the video of you from, I think it was like last Christmas when we all went
home and you were driving the tractor around with the 40 in your hand.
What?
Oh, yeah.
That was so fucking funny.
I didn't see that.
So our friends, when they stay in Wheeling, they become like four times the amount of hick.
They get like a really southern drawl.
After like 25, you get a late onset accent.
Oh, that's so true.
That's actually so true.
For Wheeling?
For everyone.
Good affirmation.
It is true.
It is.
No, we're hammering that home.
How old are you?
Are you guys even?
No, you two are below 25, right?
Yeah.
They both are.
Yeah.
Well, Owen's 26.
Owen's only 22, which I didn't realize.
No.
Yeah.
Which makes us weird.
We hang out with him all the time.
He's our best friend.
Yeah, he's our best friend and we hang out with him all the time.
Wait, can I ask you a question?
How did you guys all become such good friends?
I know you two went to high school.
We worked together.
Yeah.
But how did you guys all become such good friends?
Yeah, probably this
yeah it's it's forced hanging out but like i've been friends with sass since he was like 14 oh
really but you didn't know i moved in with sass before he joined the act so you didn't know you
guys didn't know each other before barstool no no oh i thought you guys were like good friends
before barstool because you guys are we weren't friends before barstool because you guys are. We weren't friends before Barstool. You knew each other though. I got his phone
number after I interviewed
here. I was like, yeah, give me
your number. We can grab a drink when you're doing work.
Didn't he?
Then we met up and I was like,
I regret this. He's way taller than I thought.
He's petite presenting.
I'm short presenting.
You guys have good chemistry. I just assumed you were all good friends
before Barstool.
Kyle, there's got to be a big part of you that I'm short presenting. You guys have good chemistry. I just assumed you were all good friends before Barstool. That's why we're pros, baby.
Kyle, there's got to be a big part of you that misses that dynamic of the relationship
where Nick needed something from you.
Yeah.
It's funny you bring that up.
Because I haven't thought about that.
It's really shifted, hasn't it?
Yeah.
Maybe he'll come to me.
He wants a morsel of a joke.
Please, just a crumb of a joke.
I've asked him for not even like the punchline.
I can reverse engine.
Just give me something.
Give me deleted notes apps.
Give me like the first three lines.
Or the first three words,
and I can maybe try to fill in the blanks.
One of your scraps, something you drafted.
You're not using that one are you
Yeah something you won't use
Nick can I
Can I please finish that joke
Nah I'm not done with it yet
No you can have your drivel KB
You can go spew your drivel
While I craft
Excellence
Masterpiece
Oh man
What's your personal life?
Yeah, spill
I'm an open book, you can ask me anything
What was the worst day of your life?
Jesus Christ
We don't want to hear that
No, trust me, we don't
We'll make fun of it
Because ours are probably way worse
What's the worst day of your life, Sass? We don't. We'll make fun of it. Because ours are probably way worse.
What's the worst day of your life, Sass?
Do you have epilepsy or something? Every day.
Do you have a malady?
Any maladies?
You don't have to answer.
What does that even mean?
Okay, so you have one. That's fine.
Are you afraid of anything?
Phobias?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like sharks, snakes, spiders.
Oh, very claustrophobic.
I think the...
Very claustrophobic.
Okay.
I've gone full...
I think the disability there would be not being afraid of those things.
Yeah, you should be afraid of those.
Those are inherently scary things.
But, like, if you, like, love being in tightly packed elevators, that's a problem.
I've gone full, like, 180.
Is there claustrophilia?
Yeah, people who fuck with that hard.
Like, being buried alive is my biggest fear.
It's fair.
That's fair.
Yeah.
Is it a thing where you're afraid of something,
and then a couple years later you just become obsessed with it?
No, I don't know.
Mine would be, I just watched plane videos.
I watched homemade people making VCR planes,
or remote control planes on VCR.
Not VCR, RC.
Look at this VCR plane.
This kid needs life experience.
This kid's life experience stat.
This kid's never rerouted.
All I do is just watch videos of planes crashing or them being built.
Flying used to scare me, not anymore.
Oh, it scares the shit out of me.
It scares me so much, but I'm obsessed with planes.
Once you get older, you just get a little bit more depressed,
and you're like, eh, if it happens, it happens.
I'm literally thinking about getting,
I was about to download a virtual reality.
Like a flight simulator?
A flight simulator.
On the Oculus?
Yeah.
That would be sick.
I know.
I was showing Sass when that crime was going on.
I downloaded Citizen and I was listening to the police calls.
Yeah, I know.
I didn't know you could live stream just shootings.
There's a feed where you could scroll through.
You could pick any city in the world and just watch the worst crime going on.
This isn't labeled shooting?
Yes.
So you know,
oh, yuck.
Oh my God.
That's horrible.
How disturbing is that?
Yeah, that's bad.
Have you seen anybody die?
I've watched an Oakland shooting.
Jesus Christ.
Oh my God.
Yeah, you said there was
a bunch of calls
from our street last night, right?
Yeah.
I think mine would be like
burning alive
and then someone
keeps extinguishing me
and then someone else
is lighting me on fire.
So it's a prolonged
burning alive.
I fucking hate it
when that happens.
Or getting like hot water,
like boiling hot water
like thrown on you.
I would probably rather die
than like survive
like a massive burn.
Mine would be dying
but then being granted
like an extra day
of consciousness
and seeing that nobody noticed.
Oh my God.
These are just things
that I just said.
God damn.
That's really sad.
What?
Mine would be like,
these are our logical fears.
Mine would be like,
I thought we were just...
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Let's share personal.
My biggest fear
is that someone's
lighting me on fire
and then someone's putting me out
like that's never gonna happen you don't really have to be afraid of that i'll be like dying and
then like two minutes later nate posts a rip that goes viral and it he did it so fast to get the
views that it was just like a picture of a bad picture or dying and jordan posted the shooter
with a broken heart. Wake up with
KB's death.
The thumbnail is like the least photogenic picture
of me when I was at my fattest.
I'll talk about it. I'll post it.
Yeah, post me. I will. Not the shooter.
Not the shooter. You did do that.
Okay, unfortunately
he was the clickbait for the story
though. Can we tweet just a picture of Alec Baldwin
with a broken heart?
Let's see if this works.
Let's see if she's on to something.
Oh, fuck.
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The comfort is supreme.
That's the one word I'd use to describe the comfort.
Is anybody wearing them right now?
I am.
I'm having a problem taking them off.
My legs feel like they're on laughing gas.
They're like anesthetics.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Did we send off that tweet?
Is it going crazy?
Yeah, maybe don't.
I'm getting like...
What?
Well, I made a joke about it.
Say it into the mic.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's like...
I made a joke about the Al Faldman thing and people aren't happy.
Who cares?
What did you make the joke about?
People tagging Barstool Sports.
You guys seriously employ this sick fuck?
What did you say?
Was it cheese balls?
No, I just tweeted and I said
I saw Alec Baldwin walking down the street with an AR...
I saw him walking down Times Square with an AR-15.
Jesus Christ, Zach.
That's funny.
Yeah, but bad comments are good.
What's so bad about that?
Nothing.
He has a legal gun.
I was making fun of Alec Baldwin. I'm not making fun of... That's ridiculous. comments are good. What's so bad about that? Yeah, he has a legal gun. I was making fun of Alec Baldwin.
I'm not making fun of, like, that's ridiculous.
People are stupid.
Not me, though.
I'm smart.
Has Cheeseballs responded?
No, but it did ratio very well.
Good, good, good.
I'm going to follow you guys on Twitter.
He's going to be forced to.
Okay.
I didn't realize you guys had a Twitter.
You didn't realize we had a show.
What?
No idea.
You have a Twitter?
Me?
Yeah.
Saz has two Twitters.
Oh, good.
Oh, you just screenshot hers.
That's pretty lazy.
Oh, give me some more clout.
I appreciate it.
Oh, no.
That's going to be the downfall.
My followers are just going to cancel.
Can you reply to that?
No, I'm just going to delete it.
Can we get a crop?
No, no.
Keep it.
Oh, wait.
Dana Beers.
Wow, it's Dana Beers.
Oh, that's Dana Beers. Wow. It's Dana Beers. Oh, that's Dana Beers.
I got gut.
Nine followers.
Some dude is using my account name.
Yeah, they DM me.
He's talking shit about Big Cat, and people think it's actually me.
That's why I got that verified check now.
Me?
Oh, you don't.
No.
Shit.
Oh, you don't.
Shit.
No, I don't.
But, yeah, people are...
It's just annoying as fuck.
They use capital I's for Lil Sass.
Let's retweet that fake Lil Sass.
No, let's...
Let's give him a platform.
Let's give him a platform.
Let's give this psychopath that's pretending to be a teen...
I was actually going to DM you guys...
I was going to text you guys and tell you to block him.
This has been going on for months.
Somebody responded, and this is okay.
How?
To my tweet or to Jordan's Instagram.
Oh, my God.
Jordan, roll with the punches.
Roll with the punches, Jordan.
It seems like you are.
Comments don't affect me at all.
I love it.
That's good.
I can't relate.
That's damn good.
He can't relate.
Yeah, I know.
Comments dictate my entire life. You let TikTok comments just destroy you. Oh, I don't relate. That's damn good. He can't relate. Yeah, I know. Comments dictate my entire life.
You let TikTok comments just destroy you.
Oh, I don't go on TikTok.
TikTok comments.
Does he?
How so?
No, I thought that's why you don't like TikTok, because of the comments.
Not comments about me.
I think you forget that what you say out loud is recorded.
Yeah, I like TikTok.
You just said you don't go on TikTok.
I deleted it again.
And this week you said you've been on it every day.
I deleted it again. I deleted it actually yesterday. it actually i love this you deleted it yes prove it
keep an eye on him it's gone it was right it was right it's gone yeah swipe left you always have
it when it's time to venmo or uber though because you're like oh i had to get tiktok i don't have
no that was when i had my... That was when...
That was my old phone.
Dad TikTok.
That was my old phone.
Obviously, the one on the chopping block
was Venmo.
Yeah.
Sass has never paid for anything
that he complains about
how expensive the city is.
That was my old phone
because I couldn't...
I had to pick and choose
which apps I wanted
because I had no storage.
Yeah, you had to have one app
on the phone at a time.
I wanted TikTok
and I had to delete every other app.
Dinner with the boys. Alright, I'm going out to
dinner with the boys. I don't have my wallet.
I actually don't have my wallet right now.
I gotta keep Pokemon Go.
Patching eggs for the
Halloween event.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck. It's that time, isn't it?
Yeah. Doesn't have to be, brother.
Yeah, let's keep rolling
Now we can end it
I gotta go buy a TV today
Oh that sounded so fucking stinky
Imagine cheese balls his face
When he opens that link
Someone took that and then tweeted at me
And sent that to me
Sent what?
The fart noise
And they think that's okay how And they think that's okay how?
You think that's okay how?
They just copied your guys' jokes.
That's what we want.
That's what we want.
These fans are the best.
They are.
UTEP.
Yeah.
So I lied about like
where Brie actually go,
but now I think it is
because like the community found out.
Yeah.
They're like making a graphic, right?
The bar, college dropout bar,
DMed me and was like,
let's party,
and then just sent me the details.
That's fucking rage.
I got a flyer coming.
Should we all go?
I actually want to go.
We're going to do a Yak Live from UTEP?
I just want to throw a party.
I've always wanted to DJ a party with my mashup playlist.
That would suck so bad.
KB Palooza.
But yeah, UTEP is going to happen.
I applied, by the way.
Oh, yeah, we did apply.
We applied to UTEP.
Yeah, Stephen Che.
Oh, no, we named him Stephen Che.
Did he get in?
Any response?
I'm waiting to hear back.
They did confirm, and they're reviewing it.
Would you go to one class?
If we went out there for a Yak Live, would you go to a day of classes?
I would go to one class, yes.
We could just take the class.
Sure, whatever.
All right.
Can you do a prank video where you open a Four Loko in the back of the lecture hall?
Oh, yeah, or grill a panini.
Oh, there's always dudes grilling paninis now.
Or just like abuse
the elderly professor.
Yeah.
Just real harassing.
Yeah.
We could do some fun stuff.
Fun stuff.
All right.
Boys, thanks for tuning in.
Jordan, sign us off.
How do you guys sign off usually?
Just like a two to three minute monologue.
I hope everybody listening has a fantastic weekend.
Thank you.
Keep it going.
We usually end it with like a, pretend you have like a flaming bow and arrow.
Oh yeah, and you got to shoot his ass.
You got to make the sound effect.
If you want to try that out real quick.
You guys actually do that?
Yeah, so you got to pull it from your quiver.
Light it. This mic is on the wrong side.
Yeah, for a bowman.
All right.
That wasn't lit up.
Oh, automatic.
That was more of a bald one.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
This is the Yak, and I'm Jordan.
Follow me at
Jordan Woodruff
there we go
there we go
oh yuck
thanks TJ
thanks Jack
it's The Yak
it's The Yak
it's The Yak
it's The Yak
it's The Yak It's your star, the X-Star, who's here for a while to react.
It's the act.
It's the act. Diolch yn fawr. Thank you.