The Yak - Lisa Ann is the Real Housewife of Potomac | The Yak 3-23-22
Episode Date: March 23, 2022TJ is a hooperYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
We're live in this bitch.
It's the Yak. We got Lil Sasquatch in this bitch. Owen in this bitch. It's the Yak.
We got Lil Sasquatch in this bitch.
Owen in this bitch.
Hello.
KB No Swag in this bitch.
Offset left today.
It ain't broke.
Still fixing.
Yo, Bob the Builder vibes.
Bob the fucking community builder.
This feels like my intervention.
Yeah, why are we all sitting across the table from you like American Idol?
This is similar.
I thought everyone was back today aside for Nick.
Like the X-Factor.
This is like the X-Factor.
Brandon's here.
Saw Brandon.
Liz is here.
Instagram live with the out and about guys in the gambling cave.
Should we get the Esquire in the room?
Lizzy G. Lizzy G.
Lizzy G.
I thought she went AWOL.
No, she's...
What's the opposite of absent?
She's P-WOL.
Studying.
Let me see her walk before I jump to conclusion.
Because right now she's in place.
Yeah, she's stationary right now.
Sass, how you feeling?
She scooted in
You got a tummy ache my boy?
No
Slept for so long last night though
Wait can we get a Liz cam
Make sure she can walk
Yeah let's get a Liz cam
She's been idle for a minute now
She's a Spanish American idol
Alright Liz
Can she walk
After getting
Pulverized
by a RAV4?
Was it a RAV4?
Sturdy car.
Take a step.
I'm starting to think no.
Stop taking all that fucking
shine.
I don't think she can walk yet.
Let's monitor her gait.
Nice camera trick, TJ.
Oh, she can only walk backwards?
No way.
Did she get a shot?
I've actually heard about some things like...
What did you hear about?
When people get the shot and you can only walk backwards.
No, that was debunked.
Look at this.
I'm telling you, this has been my theory for a while.
She can't walk.
She can sideways.
Sideways, sideways. That's not a walk, though.
Look at her stride.
Oh, my God.
She's moving like a bishop in chess.
Smith, I'm begging you to sit this one out.
He's begging.
I don't think she can.
Marty can.
Marty still has it.
Maybe he could train her.
Maybe he has to show her by example.
She's just kind of loitering.
She can loiter for sure.
She's on some Jay and Silent Bob.
But can she walk forward?
Or can she only take...
Smith, get the fuck out of the way.
God damn it.
Someone take out Smith.
We're going to need a sniper to take out Smith.
Oh.
Oh. All right, proven, proven. All right, bravo. Takeout Smith. We're going to need a sniper to take out Smith. Oh! Okay.
All right, proven, proven.
All right, bravo.
Welcome back.
She's really busy.
Whatever.
Yeah, she is locked in.
Probably the barstool fund.
L1 shit.
You know how it is.
Good to have you back.
Good to be back, bro.
Down in Florida?
I can't even keep tabs on my best friends anymore.
Are we one of your best friends, bro?
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel fucking fantastic from you saying that.
You're one of my best friends.
Yep.
You guys are definitely in my top 20.
At your wedding, I was the first person to like it remotely, the picture.
Yeah, you were there.
You were waiting on notice.
I liked all those pictures.
I saw someone lurking in the bush in a caterer's outfit, too.
I didn't know it was you.
I saw someone scrolling the timeline looking for the opportune time to jump on the dance floor during a shout or some shit like that.
Sass saw my wedding venue this weekend.
I did.
He said he was charmed by it.
It was like that show
charmed or this week i guess it's wednesday it was weird because i like sensed it like we were
driving by and i was like ron did you get married here it was like a magic it was like how the rose
towards the building yeah it was fucking crazy we would have loved to have you out there. We did a Neighborhood Eats in Philly where we tried tomato pie.
Gets a lot of deserved shit.
What do you mean?
You're saying it's trash?
Every time I see a video of it online, people are trashing it.
They said it's just bread and tomato sauce.
Wait, there's videos of people trashing it?
I thought it was really good.
People don't like tomato pie?
It's good, but what people...
It's cold, so it's like...
The case there is why not just pizza?
It's like a gazpacho.
No cheese.
It's no cheese.
I think it's...
I like it more than pizza, personally.
Cheese is like such an American-ass thing.
I'm with it.
I think we need bread, cheese, and meat with everything we eat.
That's a fucking tough...
That's a tough concept that we're just jamming down our throats.
I say that as someone who just ate a ton of bread, cheese, and meat yesterday.
I just feel like shit.
I need to get more strict about my diet.
I woke up just soaked in sweat.
It was coming out of my veins.
Same.
It was fucking gross.
I need to figure out the fucking diet in a big way.
Also, I'm trying to figure out what high blood pressure is.
Oh, well, we probably both have it after that.
What does high blood pressure
mean? I don't know.
I have the one that you get dizzy when you
stand up. Vertigo? Or is
that high blood pressure? It's either high or low.
There was like a standardized testing essay
question with what is blood
pressure? I wouldn't know. Does it mean
your blood is going really fast? Is it like when a fucking soda is shaken up in a fucking bottle or what is what
does high blood pressure even mean i guess it comes from having too much salt or i would assume
high blood pressure means that there's the blood is thicker right moving slower really i thought
isn't that blood clotting you get blood clots and stuff with high blood pressure.
From high blood pressure?
Yeah.
It's thicker?
We are idiots, dude.
We don't know what the fuck.
Because there'd be more pressure if it was.
What is high blood pressure?
I don't know.
Well, I can't read either.
So it's when the force, the pressure hits the blood vessels too high consistently.
I don't know.
I have no idea. What pressure? Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea.
What pressure?
Yeah, I don't know what that means.
The force of your blood pushing against the wall.
I don't think anyone knows what that means.
I think people study it and know what to say.
If quiz, but no one knows what that means.
I think they're both bad.
So if you have high blood pressure, you have fast blood?
I think it's fast, but he's saying it's thick.
I was just guessing.
I feel like it means if your heart was cut open,
how far it would squirt.
How far a pump of blood would fucking shoot
if you fucking...
Oh, well, no, it definitely is fast, right?
Because if you have high blood pressure,
that means that your heart's pumping.
That your blood is just whooshing around in you.
That's just the fucking opposite of a lazy river, a fast-ass lazy river.
Look at Glennie hugging these hoes.
I'm sorry.
Can we get a Glennie camera?
What's up, Texas?
Oh, Tico.
What the fuck, Tico?
We got the hoe camera out in the lobby right now.
Hoe cam.
Ooh, wet.
Tico, what's good?
How you feeling on some Velma shit? Yeah how's it going he goes on her velma right now uh-huh you know what i'm talking about velma
you i like the look tico you look like velma rocket you rocket yeah i mean i think velma
herself you know what i mean velma is like an archetype right now. You know who Velma is? From Scooby-Doo.
From Scooby-Doo.
I know Velma.
Yeah, bro.
Is that the girl that stabbed her boyfriend?
Is it the same girl?
Velma?
Isn't it the same girl?
This girl stabbed her boyfriend?
Am I wrong?
Which one?
Yeah, I think that's a familiar face.
Allegedly.
Which one?
That one?
The one that Glennie keeps on hugging on.
That's leaving currently.
Yeah, that's so much love.
Is he interning for him?
Did he just pat that other girl on the back?
Theatrics.
Yeah, what the fuck are these theatrics?
They're just theatrics central out here.
Yo, what's going on in that room, Tico, do you think?
Dip in.
Yo, go undercover.
Give us a report.
Go in, tell us what's going on, and then come back.
Yep.
No, I'm serious.
Go in there. Go undercover. Come report back in. Do some espionage for about an hour, and a report. Go in, tell us what's going on, and then come back. Yep. No, I'm serious. Go in there.
Go undercover.
Come report back in.
Do some espionage for about an hour and then report.
On some sneak shit, though.
It's great to have Lisa back in the office.
All right, that'll buy us like five minutes.
On the cusp of Mantis losing his virginity.
Did you guys listen to the...
I saw a clip of you guys talking about it.
Did you wind up listening to his podcast?
We didn't quite.
So what's the story of him losing his virginity?
I think that's something we could still be...
That's one of the story arcs we can kind of all follow
as he moves on from Barstool,
former Barstool Idol champion, Mantis.
All right, Tika, what the fuck?
Velma's back.
Lisa Ann would have gotten away with it
if it wasn't for us meddling kids.
I know who she is.
Huh?
I know who she is.
No, who is she?
She's Lisa Ann.
What?
That's her name.
What do you mean?
Her name is Lisa Ann.
Kudrow?
Is that her middle name?
Lisa Kudrow from Friends?
How do you just say her name?
I don't know who she is.
That's her name.
I've seen it on the book.
Bro, you're on your detective shit today.
She's a housewife.
What?
One of the desperate housewives?
No, like the real housewives.
She's one of the real housewives?
Lisa Ann is?
That's how she's famous?
Fuck.
I heard of the name.
New Jersey or Atlanta?
So she's a reality TV star.
Holy shit, season two.
Pots of Mock.
Oh, look at them in there.
Yeah.
Did we just break news?
Oh, it looks like
she's got a book coming out.
Oh, fuck.
About being a housewife?
Well, Casey has no makeup on
and she has a whole bunch.
It's like kind of done it.
It looks like Kendall
and Kylie right now.
You think this is a
Dump in the Cans Out episode
or what?
Well, if Marty's in there,
it's definitely it.
What? No, the real Housewives, that Marty's in there, it's definitely. What?
No, the real housewives, that series,
that is, it's not X-rated.
They don't show sex.
They like fight and drink wine.
No breasts, no nudity.
They like fight and drink wine
and like, you know, their husband's famous
and that's how they.
She's probably pretty prude, low key.
Probably.
She kind of gave me a little bit of,
when I walked in there.
Oh, prude vibes?
That's the vibes I got.
Look at the
Cat, Chrysler.
Chrysler.
Big Bert.
Big Bert.
Bert looked like he wanted
to come in the building.
You know what I'm saying?
We've got a link.
Call me Ernie.
For love.
Ernie and this bitch
is like Sesame Street.
Have y'all missed me?
Sunny days.
Wait a lot.
I was gone for a whole week.
You were?
Yeah.
Damn.
I noticed.
No, I was gone too for the week.
I was gone.
I was in Philly.
You're going to deliver yourself by recap, I guess, on your own podcast.
I can talk about it.
Big Cat's in here.
Rotate in.
Spoil anything.
What's good, Cat?
Good to see you.
Good to see you. Good to see you.
How's it going?
Good.
Yeah?
Everything good?
Tico's been spying for us.
She's been going room to room spying for us.
Who should we have her spy on next?
Go spy on us.
Let's figure it out.
We were trying to-
Boys, hey, Roan.
What's up, brother?
Good to see you, my bro.
What's up?
What's up?
How's it going?
Good.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I just like zoned out for a second.
Oh.
How's everyone going? I'm sorry. That podcast ran long. No, don't worry about Nothing. I just like sound out for a second. Oh, how's everyone going?
Sorry.
That podcast ran long.
No, don't worry about it.
I think Bert.
Yeah.
Dude loves to talk.
Very funny guy.
Very funny.
I didn't realize the story that you guys, I guess you had that on your podcast already. The story about Van Wilder.
Yeah.
That's fucking crazy.
I used to watch Van Wilder.
Look at that.
Sorry for interrupting myself, but the grin on Marty's face.
Interrupt it yourself.
He just fucking obviously saw titties.
Oh.
He just walked out with a fucking.
He had some titties in his face?
Post-coital grin.
Oh.
See?
We're just spying in on.
I like this.
A little spy cam.
Lisa Ann from Real Housewives is in there.
Yeah.
Tico did a little spy, and she said, Lisa Ann from Real Housewives is in there. Yeah, Tico did a little spy, and she said Lisa Ann of Real Housewives.
We're trying to figure out which franchise Lisa Ann was from, whether it was—
It was Pontomac.
Oh, Pontomac.
Yeah, I think she was from Real Housewives Pontomac.
She's from—
I don't know.
Pontomac?
I think so.
Pontomac?
Pontomac's my favorite one.
Yeah.
Her brother just walked in. Oh, gang, gang, gang, gang. Gang's that, DC? That's my favorite one. Yeah. Your brother just walked in.
Oh, gang, gang, gang, gang.
Gang, gang, gang, gang.
Should we spin the wheel?
Yeah, we should spin the wheel for sure.
Where's Brandon?
What's good, Patty?
What's up, Pat?
What's good, Pat?
What's up, Pat?
Always a pleasure.
What's up?
What's up, Pat?
Oh, shit.
You fucked recently.
I can tell.
I can tell. What were you guys doing in Philly?
We were shooting a neighborhood eat
Tomato pies
Tomato pies
Hell yes
Yes it was
It was gonna be fantastic
But it's a lot of gluten for a guy
Yeah
A little bit too much gluten
I feel the energy's off Sass
Were you
Are you upset about something?
No not at all
Wanna go see how to Bert?
No no no no
You get a little bit jealous
when you bring in other stand-ups.
I think that's...
He's got me the wrong way.
Yeah, do you want me to go get him?
No.
Yeah, that kind of would be nice.
I genuinely don't.
It would be nice if you got him.
Say hi to him?
Yeah, maybe just a hi outside the studio.
I don't want to be like a make-a-wish,
like, hey, this is Harry.
Hey.
Hey, Bert.
We're doing government names now?
I guess.
I don't know.
Harry's your name?
No
Oh
It was just a made up
Yeah
Harvey
The joke
Name's Harvey
One of those jokes
Harvey
Okay
Okay we'll spin the wheel
And I want to hear what you guys are doing
Yeah
Hell yeah
What's up
What's up
What's up KB
What's up
What's up
What's up Dan
Did I say Lomo Sotaro?
Oh yeah
Do we have some of that?
If you spin it.
We will if we hit it.
It's my favorite Peruvian food.
It's like steak, fries, tomatoes.
It's so good.
Let's hope we get it.
Should we add another wet just like-
It's our fourth favorite Peruvian food.
Are we going to spin it or are you just going to tease it?
I think we should add another wet, bro.
Why is it going so slow?
Cat got your tongue, Patrick?
No, no, no.
Listen, you're right.
I just...
Something very, very interesting, right?
Uh-oh.
You know, that's why my hair kind of all messed up.
I know.
What's up?
You know what's up?
What happened?
I have an inkling.
Oh, you know, I was at the hotel.
You look like you're coming from a reenactment of Alexander.
Oh, my God.
You know, you know.
Hey, listen.
But I'm not with everything Alexander was doing, though.
You know Alexander?
You weren't with Alexander?
I don't know.
Alexander was the great, bro.
Alexander.
Alexander.
He was great.
He was also getting, like, sleeping with his generals or something.
I don't know.
Then there was the little whippersnapper who was always in unfortunate situations from
the children's series, the literature series.
Oh, yeah.
Alexander and the No Good. Very bad day. Yeah, very bad day yeah that man couldn't catch a break he was going through it he was in hell
i had a good good morning oh shit what does that mean because i got a good wake up this guy took
me to new york barbecue yesterday and i told him it was going to be trash and guess what it was
fucking man it was horrendous man i see i thought you, the Raiden said like it was 4.3.
I was like, oh, no.
You say the Raiden?
4.3?
Yeah.
Out of?
Five or 10.
Ball scale?
Five.
Out of five.
One.
Yeah.
So we went there.
Wait, other people rate food?
I don't think so.
Because they.
Other companies?
It was in Times Square.
She said, oh got trash food.
I was like,
nah, let's go.
I'm hungry.
You know, we went there
and then it was horrendous.
Baseball fans.
Oh, no.
Baseball fans were cooking the BBQ?
Exactly.
So it's like, you know...
And you guys are the customers always.
The football fans.
You guys are always the one eating it up.
To be fair, Texas...
Don't put this on the baseball fans.
Texas...
They can't cook...
They're using you guys.
Y'all can't cook BBQ. You guys were the ones eating there. Yeah, we were. But To be fair, Texas. Don't put this on the baseball fans. Texas. They can't cook. They're using you guys. Y'all can't cook barbecue.
You guys were the ones eating there.
Yeah, we were.
But to be fair, Texas baseball fans got crazy barbecue.
Hey.
You know?
That's true.
Rangers.
Texas baseball fans.
They got crazy barbecue, man.
Hockey fans, too.
I like it.
But the thing is.
What's the difference between hockey and baseball fans?
Well shit I mean
Hockey fans
They probably fight better
Than baseball fans
Okay
Yeah
Baseball fans
If the hockey fans
Were to storm the Capitol
They would've fucked up everything
Baseball fans
Would storm the Capitol
They like
Threw a glove
At the guy
My guys Pink Whitney
I love them
So it's like
If they hockey
I'm down with them
Yeah Oh yeah Pink Whitney is my guy He. So it's like, if they hockey, I'm down with them.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Pink Whitney is my guy.
He's my guy.
Heading out to the hometown.
When are you going?
Tomorrow.
To West Virginia? Are you here tomorrow or no?
I will not.
Dang.
Going to West Virginia?
You just can't get everyone to get on the same page.
No, it sucks.
No, we haven't had a full deck in a minute.
Where's Brandon's ass?
I took off because we're here.
Where the hell he went?
He thought he could have a day.
For real?
What the fuck?
That's just not cool.
We got to discover where Brandon is.
He's really not here?
That sounds like a message or a mission for Velma.
Bye, Cam.
Bye, Cam.
Get you on Spy Cam.
What's going on?
To go find Brandon?
Yeah.
Find Brandon.
Hell no.
Have the Spy Cam like cat hatting.
No, we'll do like a pretend Spy Cam. Pretend? Yeah. Find Brandon. Hell no. Have the spy cam like Cat Hattie. No, we'll do like a pretend spy cam.
Pretend?
Yeah.
Or take a video.
Take a video.
Take notes of what happened.
Oh, take notes.
Can we see the bullpen?
See if Brandon's out there?
You got that?
He's got a spy cam in the Velma.
He's sitting there eating his Chick-fil-A.
Rome, we got Penn State legend Roman Bravo Young
When's he coming in
Is Jerry all
Third three
You're getting Penn State wrestlers
Booted
Get Bubba Jenkins in here dude
Don't get me started on Bubba Jenkins
I will
I'm getting you started on Bubba Jenkins
Get him started on Bubba Jenkins
What do you know about Bubba Jenkins
I know Bubba Jenkins
I would love to have him in
He was just fucked in front of his roommate
They had like a dorm freshman year where they just shared the room,
and his roommate would just pull up the covers,
and he would just bring in a girl and fuck right in front of him.
What?
He wouldn't even make the roommate act like he was sleeping.
He would just fuck.
So he transferred to ASU and pinned David Taylor.
Yes, I remember.
He pinned State Golden Boy in the finals.
I know, poetic justice.
Like a suitcase, talking about he was on a business trip,
then he live-streamed himself before live-streams,
like drinking Hennessy in his...
Hollywood's calling for the movie rights, baby.
Yeah, I would like to catch up with him.
Bubba Jenkins, dude.
Let's see if we can get Bubba Jenkins in.
He used to live in West Halls.
I think he's like an MMA fighter.
I'm very curious.
Yeah, he is.
He tried to do the Phil Davis, the Penn State wrestling to MMA.
Phil Davis, the Ed Ruth.
Okay, we got live on the office.
Where's Brandon's ass?
He's not in there.
And it's not at any of the desks that aren't his.
Tommy is watching porn right now.
It would be so funny.
Literally is.
He's watching girls wrestling for the show.
Like China back in the day.
Oh, yeah.
I love China.
Dude, I went to the, what's the porn awards in?
Yeah.
No, it was the porn convention in Miami.
I went to it, and Chyna was staying at our hotel, and she was just diving in.
R.I.P.
But she was just diving nude into the pool, the hotel pool.
Only like 18 rooms.
She treated it like a little cabana, like a little oasis.
Is it like what happens at AVN stays at AVN?
No, I'm telling you about it.
Really?
No, I'm telling you about it right now.
But she's still super jacked?
Yes.
What did you just skip today?
You just skipped it?
A little hooky?
Is this Mississippi, Brandon?
No, it's not Mississippi.
Seems like Mississippi, Brandon.
A guy who can't even come to the show when it's 40 feet away.
I'm sorry.
What?
I told you last night.
Who?
Texted you.
Who?
Big Cat.
What'd I say?
You said, cool, take care of what you gotta take care of.
I texted you last night.
Brandon has been uncalled for.
Now I look bad.
You didn't text the rest of us.
We started the show.
Big Cat was doing another.
Uh-oh.
I actually now, you know what?
Credit to me.
I'm gonna text you about that.
Credit to you.
Credit to you for being the bigger man.
Credit to me.
Now that he says that, I do remember it.
Are you leaving your agent?
No.
I feel like. Why do you have glitter on your face?
I don't know. I was hanging out in the
gambling cave
and the two out and about came in
there and did a whole thing.
That's why you had to miss the show?
No, I was doing something else.
I can't talk about what I'm doing, but it's all good.
Yeah, that was my bad. I forgot you texted me.
What is it?
I got to do a follow-up was my bad. I forgot you texted me. What is it? What is it?
What the hell is it?
I'm going to do a follow-up text next time.
I have to tell you that I'm not going to be there and then send a follow-up text?
Yeah, the next day.
Just like an emphasis on the message you made.
You just fiddling with the Slim Jim?
I'm trying to eat the Slim Jim, but I was eating lunch, and then she came and got me.
What are you going to say about me?
I said you have been insufferably likable lately.
I apologize.
My bad.
Does anyone else?
Brandon has been very likable.
His skin's glowing.
Yes.
It's incredible.
Brandon is on a whole new wave.
He hasn't bothered me in so long.
He's got that bag.
He is so likable.
You got the bag?
You ran us through the roof.
You need some money, Pat.
Just ask Brandon.
I bought a naughty.
B is on you.
Southern hospitality, baby.
Yeah.
Hey, can they stay with you?
What do you need?
Do you need a hundred bucks right now?
What do you want?
I want a thousand.
All right.
A thousand.
A thousand for the guy.
Listen, man.
I'm going to give it to Ukraine, so you got to give it to me.
Give it to Ukraine?
Yeah.
We're not just going to give it directly to Ukraine.
No, he'll take care of it.
I'll take care of it like all the charities.
Yeah, he'll make sure that Ukraine gets it.
It's like the Haiti setup.
Remember when everyone was just texting
like 50555 for Haiti?
Yeah.
People were stealing
each other's phones
and just donating
$50,000 to Haiti.
You can put it in
like your Instagram bio now.
Haiti looks like Dubai now.
How's Haiti doing these days?
It's incredible.
All that money they got.
They just rebuilt Haiti.
Building to build right now. Yeah, it's fucking the excess money it's just sheiks and princes in haiti ego architecture just whipping their lambos around
haiti it's incredible yo kb why why aren't you with jerry right now i think the prince needs
to get to port-au-prince put on prince and port-au-prince. Put on prints in Port-A-Prince, let me be alive. Yo, you should get to Haiti.
You should get to Haiti.
You should do a summer in Haiti, like a whole summer series,
like how Donnie just goes places.
You should just go to Haiti for a while.
You deserve it.
I would.
You do deserve it.
Why aren't you with Jerry right now?
He's with the guy.
The guy is here.
Look at this.
He's here?
I thought you said Three o'clock
Get him in here
I don't know where he is
That's not here
Where is that?
You don't have that wall
That's not in the office
You don't have brick
The fuck is this?
If they're actually wrestling
I'll be irate
I think they are wrestling
They were most definitely
How do I know
Why isn't Kyle there?
I don't know
Who set him up?
Who is
Didn't even cross their mind
That's bullshit.
The one person who has talking points for him.
Jerry also has talking points
for him. Jerry clearly has a singlet.
Still have yours?
Of course, dude.
He's multiple singlets. I think I have one
of KB's singlets at my desk.
Stuffed in his pocket like a thong.
Hey, where are you right now?
Hey, I'm with RBY
Why didn't you invite KB
Where are you
He's coming to the office
Where is he now
We recorded my episode
Friend of Jerry
Where
He's coming into the episode
On Robbie Fox's show
At 3
Did you wrestle him Yeah He's coming into the episode on Robbie Fox's show at 3.
Did you wrestle him?
Yeah, yeah.
KB wanted to wrestle him.
Where is he? He's going to wrestle him at the office, I think.
Oh, I'm not.
You don't have a match.
Where are you?
You don't have any Mercer here.
I'm in Brooklyn.
Oh, my God.
KB loves him.
KB's not right.
KB, you want to wrestle him?
This is not right, what you did to KB.
Yeah, but you went and made plans outside of KB. He's sad. It's over. Sad face. KB, you want to wrestle him? This is not right, what you did to KB. Yeah, but you went and made plans outside of KB.
He's sad.
It's over.
Sad face, KB.
I didn't make plans.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
You just happened to be in Brooklyn Jiu-Jitsu and happened to see him there?
He had a gym?
While you were wearing your singlet?
Hey, I messaged Robbie Fox.
I asked for permission, buddy.
But what about KB?
What about KB?
I know.
KB's wrestling him at the office.
Where?
I get to watch this.
Yeah, but Jerry went into business for himself.
Jerry, that's sad.
What?
We love you, Jerry.
Yeah, we do.
We love you, Jerry.
We love you from the bottom of our fucking hearts.
I would have done the same thing.
He beats the wrestling guys.
Jerry Maguire.
He's going to wrestle him.
That's fine.
We love you.
All right, fine.
We'll wrestle him here.
Yeah, that's what the plan was.
Okay.
All right.
You wrestle him on a mat?
Is there a mat?
But Jerry, you made your own plan.
That hung up.
That hurts.
Maybe you could wrestle Patrick as like a consolation.
No, how about we tag team him?
I got your back.
Patrick's been in the tag team all morning.
Maybe do you think we're What's going on here?
Did you not try hard enough?
Maybe. I don't know.
I'm not happy
about this. We just need to do a ropes course
for communication or some shit like that
just to get the communication up.
They did that on Real Housewives of New Jersey.
I saw it with Lisa Ann.
Is Jerry going to be a me guy from now on?
Because it sounded like he was going to be a we guy at first,
but now he's a me guy.
You're not calling him Jeremy, are you?
How do you not let KB know?
Good KB?
KB's smoldering.
He looks forlorn at best.
He's going to wrestle him here?
No, they probably just did like a
A quick interview
No it sounds like he was fully on his podcast
It was like
It was like a
I mean Friend of Jerry's are long podcasts
I'm sure
Oh no
God damn
That's a great picture
It's a really good picture
They look good together
Great picture
Jerry looks great
They're holding the
Well Jerry gets to hold the trophy
The NCAA championship
That's sweet Damn You think Damn They're holding the... Jerry gets to hold the trophy. The NCAA championship.
That's sweet.
You think... That's a once in a lifetime type shit.
I bet Jerry pinned him too.
I know.
Are you more mad about them seeing each other
or them squeezing each other?
I didn't care about
talking to him that much.
You just wanted to squeeze him.
You wanted to get squeezed. I wanted to get squeezed.
You wanted to hold him.
I wanted to see how I could compare.
You wanted to test him out.
Yeah.
Texas Hold'em.
Exactly.
So we're going to have to do that.
Where are we going to do it?
Now.
What?
Now.
Why not?
I don't even...
I guess he was part of it.
I don't think Roman wanted me either.
Roman didn't?
Boy
You got swiped out
I'm very upset
I don't think the wrestlers
Respect you
Only the
Comedians
Yeah
Yeah
The wrong dudes
Respect you
I'll have
I have to say
When I started this entire bit
And gaslit
Jerry into
Liking wrestling
To get back at KB
I didn't expect it to go
All the way to here. It just made
me happy. Yeah.
You gotta start beating people's ass on the street
like Masvidal. EB thought
I KB'd him yesterday, bro.
In what way? He thought I got Jerry into wrestling
to fuck with KB. You did.
You certainly did.
Guy has a fucking singlet from his high school.
I'm fine with it because he bought in and actually
played the part. I don't care if it's a make-a-wish conversation.
I'll take it.
Make-a-wish?
Damn.
I'm not as evil as you.
That is the longest con of all time.
That was a favor.
I mean, you've got some evil in you.
I do, but that's what I do.
It's chaos, not evil.
Yeah.
That's different.
And that was not...
It's chaotic good.
I actually got mad at Jerry when we were in the gambling cave
and he asked to turn the TV to wrestling.
You did?
He's actually about it.
He's bought in.
He loves it.
Maybe you guys could just link up your powers
and just do a little bit of a crossover.
Sounds like they can't.
Maybe you guys should just link up and pin Big Cat.
He's not going to invite KB.
You should hold him down like Gulliver's Travels.
You want us to kick Jerry's ass?
No, I'm not mad at him
Okay
Disappointed?
No, I just, yeah
I'm on him
I would like to have been there
First Nick, then fucking Jerry, bro
People are leaving you, dude
Is that why you're wearing all black?
It's like you're dressed for a funeral.
Did you spin that wheel?
Let's spin that wheel.
Spin the wheel.
Owen got new kicks.
Owen picked up some new shoes at the gallery in Philly.
I see.
He got a good-ass deal on them, too.
Yeah, 50 bucks.
50 bucks.
40 when he signed up for a 20% off type of thing, Brandon.
All right, go ahead.
Spin that wheel.
Patrick, how many people did you have sex with this morning?
A lot.
Oh, my goodness.
Who was it?
You came in talking about it, Patrick.
Yo, listen, listen.
I can't reveal that information.
I mean.
Speaking of dry.
We're dry.
You got yours, though.
I got mine, baby.
Can we spin it again?
Why?
I don't know.
Can we spin it again? Why? I don't know. Just can we spin it again?
Test fate.
It's like playing Russian roulette.
You never saw that Russian roulette movie?
Which one?
The whole movie?
Ear Hunter.
Ear Hunter.
Is this the video where the Ukrainian men,
the young men in the woods were...
Yes, they're Ukrainian.
...bludgeoning that poor guy with hammers
and tools of the like until he passed? Yes, they're Ukrainian. Bludgeoning that poor guy with hammers and tools of the like until he passed.
Yes, dude.
Fucking Ukrainian movie.
Early Ukrainian.
This is more of a video and less of a movie.
That's three guys, one hammer.
Three guys, one hammer.
Three guys, one hammer?
Yeah, it's just a murder on camera.
What?
You guys ever heard of four guys, one job?
Oh, no.
What happened?
That's Patrick's morning. That is true. Four girls went one job? Oh, no. What happened? That's Patrick's morning.
That is true.
Four girls went about that.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
I can't.
Yeah.
We're figuring out.
Owen, are you going to Chicago?
I have tickets.
I haven't decided yet.
Do you think they're going to do well?
I bet on them.
I think they're going to win.
Oh, why would you not go?
Yeah, why would you not go?
The baby boy has to be one of the more prominent Friar fans, right?
I would say so.
I was just going to see what the work week was looking like.
Friday, you can go.
Isn't it Friday?
Yeah.
All right, I'll go then.
Go.
Thank you.
Let's get him free tickets.
Or you have to.
He already has to.
Well, the principal.
Let's get you free tickets.
Yeah.
You want free tickets?
We asked to stretch out.
I'll get him free tickets for you.
How about his basketball? Just buy him tickets and give them to him. They're free.? We ask to stretch out. I've got free tickets for you. Providence basketball?
Just buy them tickets and give them to them.
They're free.
He's already got tickets.
I want a UConn fan to buy the tickets.
Oh.
I think you're like Spite Owen.
I like it.
You're like the TJ of Providence.
What TJ is to Rutgers, you are to Providence.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're the most prominent Providence fan.
Oh.
You win fights.
Fights by a mile, yeah.
Yeah, fights, they go hard at that game.
Get a nice vlog.
Except they said that Taylor Swift song is like a tradition
that started this year.
Traditions have to start somewhere, right?
Inaugural.
So. I don't have enough to somewhere, right? Inaugural. So.
I don't have enough to talk about on this, to be honest.
All right.
I mean, that's, I like the honesty on that one.
Self-aware.
Yeah.
It's dope that they're there, though.
It's like a cool moment.
It is.
Dope.
Brandon, do you need to get back to your,
you can go back to your thing.
Goodbye, Brandon.
Thank you. Whatever you was rubbing your thing? Goodbye, Brandon.
Whatever you was rubbing your forehead on, you know, it's okay.
We were doing the same thing this morning.
Yeah.
That's where he got the glitters from.
Say more, I guess.
What?
What were you rubbing your forehead on? We were trying to find out what high blood pressure was,
and I feel like Brandon just had it.
He just had it in his face a little bit.
He was, like, getting a little bit
tense, I felt like.
What is he doing? Sagging. I don't know.
I can't remember what he said. He is sagging.
He said he couldn't be here, and I do remember saying yes.
Is he losing weight?
Is he losing weight in his ass? I hope not.
Is he getting light in his ass?
He's gotta. Wait, so how was Philly?
You guys did... Tomato pies?
Yeah, neighborhood eats of tomato pies.
Yeah, they were super good.
It was a long day.
Eight locations.
Long day.
Long couple days, bunch of eating.
You were there just the whole weekend.
When were you?
Did you go to the bar?
No, no, I wasn't there until Sunday night.
You still have a few days for coming up.
Oh, shit.
Is that Friday?
No.
It's like two weeks.
Two weeks from Friday will be the, we got to figure out what we're going to do.
Is everyone going to be here?
Case race.
Case race.
Case race.
Two-man case race.
Drafting teams.
Two-man case race is going to be.
I actually think it'd be funny if everyone was involved.
Like, Owen and Brandon both were draftable.
Because it would just like, Owen's not going to drink, so you just would have to.
Be a handicap.
You'd have to do the whole thing by yourself.
30 beers?
24.
Isn't it just until someone finishes?
What?
It's just until someone finishes, right?
Right, but we'll have to have punishments for different places, right?
Yeah.
I can't compete in a beer race.
I can compete in a BAC race, though.
Why?
Why?
I can't put down beer.
What do you mean you can't?
You won't?
Your stomach just doesn't work.
High ABV, low liquid.
Should we do a crate?
I mean, multiple people crate races could be fun.
I know I keep on pushing that.
It's a crate race.
When it's like a beer, some vodka, and some wine
or something like that, a combination.
Steven, you're going to have to make sure
that sales and everyone's cool with this.
Us getting blackout drunk. Yeah, legal. to have to make sure that sales and everyone's cool with this, us getting blackout drunk.
Yeah, legal. We need to make sure
legal's okay with it.
Okay, yeah, we'll have to
potentially change up a sponsor for that day, but that's fine.
Steven, we'll just drink
a competitor's beer
and we'll say that's what happens when you
have their beer.
I wish it were that easy.
So what day is this
great day?
Two weeks from Friday.
Two weeks from Friday, yeah.
I'm very excited.
So it's like a two-team man thing?
We know when your birthday is.
Yeah, seems like you were blown over the birthday part.
Well, we're not going to really celebrate the birthday
because we're not allowed to be here.
What do you want for your birthday?
Do you want like a thing?
You want something tangible?
No.
Okay, then how are we going to make it about your birthday?
I don't know.
You just want us to talk about you?
What do you want?
You want like a highlight reel?
You want a compilation?
I just wish my boys would be here.
Well, I'm just going to be in New Orleans, coming back from New Orleans.
Yeah, will you fly out all my friends?
Bo?
Can we fly out Bo?
That would be an awesome birthday present.
How many friends do you have?
Three.
I have three friends.
Where do they live?
Can they fly Frontier?
Tampa, Nashville, Colorado.
You don't have to do that.
I'll fly out to Nashville
and the Colorado guy.
Not Tampa?
No.
Why?
Tampa can go fucking slow.
That's a good deal. Take Wow. That's a good deal.
Take it.
That is a good deal.
Take it.
I would take it right now.
We'll fly out of Tampa.
Yeah.
You leave it on the table.
No, no.
Tampa's not allowed to come.
He's not allowed to come?
Not come.
What's his name?
That would be hard to explain.
What's his name?
Nate.
Yeah, I will fly out and put up two of your three friends, but the third cannot attend.
And you have to say it's because he's not invited.
No.
Because you don't really like him that much anyway.
That's a deal.
Because you've become a different person that you've grown in New York.
Yeah, that's a good deal.
That you guys have grown apart.
It is a good deal.
Take that deal.
I can't do it.
Wait, what if he gets down to one friend?
Take the deal now.
I think one friend would be easier than two out of three.
Okay, well, the deal now. I think one friend would be easier than two out of three. Okay.
Well, the offer stands.
Airfare, hotel for two nights, but I have to listen to you call the third friend and be like,
Hey, those two guys are coming.
No, I can't do that.
I don't really like you anymore.
Does Nate have any siblings?
Yeah.
Three.
Any sisters?
Yes.
Okay, so his hot sister can come.
No.
That's fucked up.
That's fucked up, bro.
That's fucked up.
What you got here?
Don't pretend you wouldn't fucking pound that sister.
Yeah, you would.
Yeah, you would.
What's your sister look like?
Pull her up on the screen.
My sister?
No, Nate.
Oh, that's your sister.
Nate's sister.
I'm pulling up his sister.
I barely even know her.
She's in the National Honor System.
Oh, we'll know her.
It's gut and duck.
Don't act like you never looked over a page, you know, like a scroll.
No.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, exactly.
You definitely not.
Yes, you did.
No.
100% you did.
Is Nate the oldest or the youngest?
Second to youngest. Is Nate the oldest Or the youngest Second to youngest
Is his sister older
Alright
Alright good
That's good
That's gonna be good
To get her here
That would actually
Be hilarious
Alright let's do
Her instead of him
Comedy company bro
Yeah this would be funny
Let's do it
Do it for the bit
I mean it would be funny
Like within
I don't think anyone else Would think it's funny Oh I think it's funny i don't know any of these people it's just a funny
concept your friend's girl sister being here would be funny yeah yeah be very funny give her a warm
welcome borderline hilarious dude what kind of stuff should we do when yak idol comes around
i'm very excited you have to figure that out that out actually Hank I think asked me how many people
is the perfect amount
how many was it last time
for Han
I don't know
he said like
8 to 16
so I don't know
what we want to do
16
it should be
16
oh I thought
I was going to say like 30
that's too many people
to like get to know
I guess I'm not very familiar
with
they're going to
I want them to do auditions in front of us.
Yeah, no, it's got to be, I think,
12.
12 and you send home four the first day.
The first minute.
Four the first minute?
Four over the first hour.
Can we set up a wheel real quick that says
stay or go home?
That's how it's going to work.
No, it would just be...
We would do an individual wheel for them?
Yeah.
Or we would do all their names
and whoever gets it.
How did it work when Ohio State came in?
When he was on.
They gave him the crown
and then he handed it to Marty.
Yeah.
I remember that.
And on the crown it had a parlay
and Marty was like,
what is this?
What in the face?
He just came out of nowhere and just whooped on the floor.
Well, if you watch his original audition, which I remember, you could tell he had that in him.
Yeah, oh yeah.
A little snark to him.
Oh yeah, no, he had a little like cockiness that you like.
I think that's just Buckeye fans.
Yeah, that was so funny.
He kind of exuded that a little bit.
And Marty called him a pussy And he was like Whoa Whoa
I like that about him
Yeah
Like that was all the way
I'm out
Yeah
Marty going
Marty going full like
I'm just gonna make fun of teachers
Was a bold move
Vindog just over the top
Dunking on his ass
Yeah but
I didn't think that was
You should have gone after nurses
Dude that's who you go after
The teachers thing was like
I think they make fun of teachers Nurses and teachers Yeah yeah The teacher's thing was like... I think you gotta make fun of teachers.
Use nurses and teachers.
The teacher's thing was like, I guess, a low blow,
but also people who are acting so passionate about that,
like, fuck off.
Yeah, I agree.
They're bigger pussies than anyone else involved in it.
If you're gonna dedicate your life
to trying to degrade somebody else,
then you can't be sensitive about a teacher
making fun of teachers i feel like that was the first time anyone had ever said anything bad about
teachers yeah also at some point in everyone's life they hated their teachers they hated it
most of their time they can certainly catch the jokes yeah but it's also like a hard and probably
important job it is yeah but Yeah. But also fun.
We can teach.
Yeah, fuck teach.
Teachers are the ones that always tell rappers they can't make it.
Yeah.
It's fucking whack.
Yeah.
They always do.
All right, do the stay and leave.
Actively. This is how I actually want to do this.
It actually would be ultimate chaos.
Spin it.
If we did this for all 16 people combined.
No, but then what happens?
Start a new slate.
No one.
Then we would do Barstool Idol week.
Or what if we had two?
If it was all leave, it's like, all right, it's canceled.
What if we had 32?
Do people fly in for this?
I think it should be more of a gauntlet.
So if you perform well, you get to leave.
No, no.
It should be a punishment to have to stay.
Yeah.
The worst. Yeah, we have just the worst, least funny people left.
Least talented people at the very end.
What if we have 32 people?
To be clear, this isn't to replace me, right?
No.
Wait, wait.
What kind of talents do people bring to the table?
What talents would you like?
Impressions.
People are always like, I can do impressions.
Yeah, like that's like what.
I can suck a mean cock.
Yeah, I could suck a medicine ball through a curly straw.
Wow.
Yeah.
So what do they get?
I just don't know what they get.
Like what's the winning job?
They get a job in personal sports.
JFL.
JFL life.
Yeah.
And they get equity in pen.
Really?
Hmm.
Wow.
You thinking about doing it?
No, no, no You guys got it
I got enough of a dose
I'm pretty alright
I mean, my sister is Tico, Texas
It should just be an IQ test
And a weigh-in
True
Should make them take a full
Myers-Briggs test
Yeah
And a Bechdel test
So it should give women Each of them a pigeon They have to keep alive Should give them the bar exam There's Briggs test. Yeah. And the Bechdel test.
So it should give each of them a pigeon they have to keep alive.
It should give them the bar exam.
Yeah, and one of the pigeons has a bomb in it.
Yeah, one of the pigeons is terrible. I kind of want to do like a standardized test amongst us.
We can.
I don't want to do that.
Because you just want to flex on us?
Yeah.
You just want to flex on everyone?
Be very humble.
That won't fill the hole in your heart.
You would destroy me in a standardized test.
I'm just going to say right now,
you beating us
in a standardized test
will not fill the hole
in your heart
that Jerry has left
with his wrestling of RBY today.
I know you're searching for it.
Did they go,
did they went to a gym
in Brooklyn?
Yeah, I know you're
searching for it.
I know you,
listen brother,
I love you.
You are my brother.
I know that you're really
He's your brother.
But flexing on us with your test-taking ability is not going to fix that.
You're doing the—
I think I could have given him fits.
He would have beat me soundly, but—
He would have been like, whoa, this guy's got some strength.
He's got something.
Hip strength.
Hip strength.
Oh, is that your biggest strength?
Me and KB are like friends
on the New York Times crossword
thing and it's like completely ruined
crosswords for me. Seeing how he flexes
I go to the Times, see what KB
got and then I'm like, it's like a sweaty
two minutes of me just like trying
my hardest to get it. He beats you every time?
He beats me every time. It's all familiarity.
They use like the same
Ulysses for vowels. A lot, yeah.
It's
experience. Go to
dudewipes.com. Use code YAK20 for 20%
off your entire order. I've been using Dude Wipes
all week. Portables are the best.
You bring them on the road with you, you wipe your
ass in fucking mysterious places, and you
feel clean. I've been having some issues.
Yeah?
I mean, I just ate like shit for four days straight.
Same.
That's how I'm feeling.
Same.
It feels terrible, but my asshole feels immaculate.
I haven't shit yet.
I'm scared.
You haven't?
No.
Oh, my God, dude.
Genuinely scared.
Since the start of Neighborhood East?
No, I shit after the first day, but yesterday I had probably over 15 pieces of tomato pie.
Yeah.
They're still in you?
Probably 20.
20?
Yeah.
I mean, we had like three per spot.
What was your favorite?
There's multiple tomato pie spots?
No, it's like 15.
Probably 15.
We did eight spots.
Eight spots.
For two days.
Did you one bite at each one?
This is just like a half a pie.
They only sell them every so often, right?
There's one place that's only open 15 days a year.
That's what I saw.
What are the 15 days?
He has like a private Instagram,
and he just like tells you one of the days.
Like it's just random days.
That's so awesome.
Very exclusive.
Isn't that fucking crazy?
Was he open?
This guy was a little aiming wrong.
He came in, and within five seconds,
he was like, I bet you all have small dicks.
Oh. Oh, my God. small dicks. Oh my god.
Still plays. Definitely
plays. I should have been there then.
Yeah. I said that shit.
Wouldn't have said that to you.
He actually was asking why we didn't roll with any
minorities.
You can say it. Go ahead.
Wait, really?
Are you sure? Yeah, you can say it.
Don't be shy. It's okay. you can say it. Don't be shy.
It's okay.
You can say it.
It's not about you.
An Italian neighborhood, so imagine what he would say.
Oh, he said minorities.
He said minorities.
That's all right.
I feel like that's like a weird word.
You ever beat up a white boy?
You ever beat up an Italian dude?
One of them, he headbutted me one time, and I broke my chain.
He headbutted you in the chest? That's actually impressive.
Was he Zidane?
Yeah, exactly.
He head-butted your chain?
He aimed for it?
He broke it.
I was on a date with him.
He broke your chain with his dog?
Insanely cool.
Yes, he was bald-headed.
He head-butted my chest and broke my chain, man.
Oh, he won.
Who was Zidane?
He won.
It was Zinedine Zidane.
Did you fuck him up?
He got bodied.
I mean, he was low-so psyched with a few uppercuts.
You beat him up physically.
Yeah, something like that.
He took you out.
But it's still embarrassing.
He bucked my chain.
I was with a girl.
I was with a girl.
You know, it was a white girl, so he probably was mad or something.
You know, he's from like your part of town.
Yeah.
So they don't like that.
Five-Eye?
Yeah. Wall Street, bro? No, your part of town. Yeah. So they don't like that. Fido? Yeah.
Wall Street, bro? No, no, no.
Like, hills have eyes.
Oh, yeah.
I told KB when he gonna take me over there.
You guys been to KB's town before?
Yeah. Really? Oh, damn.
You gotta go. What is it? What's it like?
It's like full of mountains.
Wait, have you? You. You've been there?
Yeah, hills have eyes.
I've been close enough.
Okay.
All the same?
Yeah.
West Virginia.
Yeah, so that was pretty cool.
You're changing the nation's perspective of West Virginia.
That's a fact.
Did you not put any product in your hair because you didn't want to look too slick for RBY?
Yeah. He would have
definitely said something. Boy, he's nervous. I like those shoes
though. They're not bad.
Are they Nike socks with the new balances though?
Yes, yeah. I mean...
That boy looks like a yard sale, bro.
I hate people who check
brands. What's the $5.50?
We can wear whatever with whatever.
How much are the $5.50s?
$400. $400, yeah. The ALD ones are like $400. The ones Dan has. I made them We can wear whatever with whatever. How much are the 550s? 400 bucks.
The ALD ones are like 400.
The ones Dan has.
I want a pair of 550s.
You can get the all white ones
for like 150 on StockX.
I want the really expensive ones.
I'm going to get my boy something nice.
Nate's sister.
Oh, damn.
Five and in the flesh
Don't go there
Is that his name?
Nate?
Yeah
Gotta have her in
Call him up
That was my birthday present
She was just here
I would be like
Like so confused
And shocked
Why?
Because he just told you
Talk to her like once Why not to make it happen? That would be so funny Like, so confused and shocked. Why? Because he just told you he didn't play it once.
Why not to make it happen?
That would be so funny.
What did you guys talk about?
What did we?
What would you talk about?
I don't know.
I haven't talked to her since I was probably in eighth grade.
Did we role play it?
Is she older than you?
Yeah, much older.
What did she got to Harry?
College.
She's like 26.
Pretend Owen is her.
No. I haven't seen you in so long. I saw that you work for Barstool now. That wouldn't happen. Like 26 Pretend Owen is her No
I haven't seen you in so long
I saw that you work for Barstool now
That wouldn't happen
I think that's pretty reasonable
Not Barstool fans, they're Business Insider fans
I saw you work for that guy from Business Insider
You're not into roleplaying
You would never make it in sales
Not with Owen as a girl.
You've never had the roleplay in your life, probably.
You've never even fucking roleplayed.
Nate's sister.
Oh, my God.
Here we go.
I haven't seen you in so long.
Yeah, you used to DM my brother's friend on Twitter when he was around 13.
I'm being myself.
Oh, Harry. Yeah, how's he doing?
He's good. He works for Bars.
I was kidding. I work with him, actually.
Nice.
I thought it was good.
I was buying in. See, Nate's
sister for the fans. It's easy to
discover.
Damn.
Damn, bro.
Patrick, your ad-libs have been crazy today. I know. I'm just. Damn, bro. Yo, Patrick,
your ad-libs have been crazy today.
I know.
I'm just doing it, man.
See?
That type of shit.
Damn.
Bring that southern flair,
you know?
Hey, tell the black guy,
what is proct?
You said something about proct and hair.
What the hell is that?
Product.
Oh, product.
Product.
Okay, you know,
you guys can just put it in
and move your hands and shit. We can't do that, so I never have to learn that. Oh. Okay, you know, you guys can just put it in and move your hands and shit.
We can't do that, so I never had to learn that.
Oh.
Yeah, unfortunately.
Me neither.
Oh, damn.
Enough hair to put product in.
Are you about to shave it again or feel the struggle?
I never use product.
How's the hair look?
The old apartment you did every day.
I don't remember that.
It's a new apartment.
I was shocked because I said you have messy hair and you said I work on a messy hair look. That must have been before the shaved head. How's a new apartment. I was shocked because I said you have messy hair, and you said I work on a messy hair look.
That must have been before the shaved head.
How's the new apartment?
Yes.
Good?
Fantastic.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Small?
Tiny.
It's not that small.
Too hot?
No, just right.
Oh.
I kind of wish you guys would make it your own a little bit more, though.
Really?
I wish you would.
On the wall?
Since you've been.
We got a second couch.
Ooks?
Did you show him?
Kim!
Get in here.
Get Kim in here?
Kim!
Frank's looking for an invite.
I want Kim to come in.
We also propped up the plane
you got, Harry,
in the living room.
You got a plane?
Here we go.
Ladies.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
What's up?
How are you?
Oh, hello, hello. Take a seat, please. Take a seat. We'd like to do this on the microphone. Hi, guys. What's up? How are you? Oh, hello.
Hello. Take a seat, please.
Take a seat.
We'd like to do this on the microphone.
Kim, sit down.
Sit down.
Kim, sit down.
Sit down.
Take a load off, Mom.
Kim, sit down.
Oh, no.
Sit in the empty chair.
Yeah, sit in the empty chair.
Stay a while.
Oh, wow.
Oh, nice.
Look at this moment.
This is a moment.
Love it.
Kim, sit down.
Please, Kim.
What are you?
Half day?
No. No, we're. Please, Kim. What are you, half day? No.
We're going home to get the episode to edit it.
Oh, very nice.
You going to go pick it up?
Yeah.
It's just quiet where we're going.
Like at my apartment, it's really quiet.
Very nice.
Yours is not quiet?
Not very quiet here.
What the hell?
I don't know. Sounds like you don't
like us. I like you guys. It's just
not that quiet in here. Where do you
stay? Great that they're having a conversation
right off air. Where do you stay?
Distracting whatsoever.
Where do you stay? Where do I stay?
I have an apartment. Where?
Like in West Village.
Oh, I'm familiar with West Village.
Nice. Maybe we're neighbors. Very tiny. Oh, I'm familiar with that. Ooh, nice.
Maybe we're neighbors.
It's very tiny.
How tiny?
I don't believe you at all. Like 700 square feet tiny.
I don't believe you.
What?
That's double the size of our apartment.
Yeah, they have an apartment for three people.
It's less than that.
I think ours is actually 300 square feet.
Oh, bull.
No.
I love your scarf, by the way.
How many people?
It might be 400.
What kind of scarf is that?
Thank you.
It was Alex's Christmas present, and I kept it because I thought she would lose it.
That's very nice.
Oh, so you gave her a Christmas present, and then you kept it?
No, I just kept it in my drawer, and I was like, she's going to lose that.
I better keep it.
How's Alex's midlife crisis going?
Good.
I think she's cured herself.
Okay.
And what about Jordan's, too?
Jordan was struggling, too.
I don't know about Jordan.
You're both having huge crises.
I think she's doing better.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
At the same time.
What the hell is Brandon doing?
Brandon is just...
Brandon just walked by, just dribbling a basketball.
He's been rolling it down the hall.
I think he's trying to trip people.
So they're both better?
They're both better, I think.
No, they're not better.
No.
Alex is touching.
No.
Jordan is good.
All right.
You know, we can't speak for other people.
That would be rude.
I can speak for Alex.
I can speak for anyone.
Who do you want to know about here?
KB right now, he's depressed because he couldn't squeeze a guy earlier today.
I'm irritated.
I'm not depressed.
No, he's depressed.
What's squeeze mean?
You know, wrestling, you know.
Squeezing.
Edmund North, you guys have some powerhouses,
Dayton Fix, Oklahoma State, John Smith.
You guys.
Wrestling?
Gigantic wrestling state.
What's his name?
VR?
Go Huskies.
Go Huskies?
Yeah.
Edmond North.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
They're what?
Yeah, they're a great program.
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember their home phone numbers?
Do you remember your home phone numbers growing up?
Mine?
Yeah.
My personal one?
Yes.
Yes.
You do?
Do you guys all remember
your home phone numbers?
Oh, it's still out, yeah.
I do, I do.
Do you all know
what a party line is?
Oh, what's a party line?
A party line...
You don't know
what a party line is?
Cocaine?
What is that?
You're the first person.
A party line,
it's like when you live
in a rural area like where I grew up,
you had like there'd be three or four houses all on the same line.
You'd still have your own phone number, but if you picked up the phone to use it,
you could hear the neighbor talking.
You have to wait for her to get off the phone to use the phone.
Oh, no.
Wow, that's interesting.
It is cool.
It's like it's Twitter spaces.
We used to listen in on the phone calls a lot.
Yeah, I was going to say.
And then slam the phone down trying to get him to hang up.
Yeah, yeah.
What year was this?
What year was this?
It was in the 70s.
70s.
What are they doing?
I don't know.
They've been hugging for a while.
Is this on Molly?
I don't know, but did you guys know what South by Southwest started out as?
What?
Oh.
A networking convention.
It was all, I thought it was all technology,
new technology things, right?
And that's all it was.
No, it's film and interactive and music.
Music, film, also where Dave and Tico,
they became one.
That's what it's famous for.
I have a question.
What do you know about the Choctaw Nation?
I don't know a lot about the Choctaw Nation.
Sounds like you know a little.
If you don't know a lot, you'd know a little.
Isn't it Oklahoma based? Yeah.
And they have like gas stations and
casinos and stuff like that? Don't you owe them like reparations
as Oklahomans? I thought we settled
all that. Have we not settled
all that? They just built this huge
museum for them, right?
They're just magically
it's all good now.
I've been to Oklahoma City one time.
Can we just settle?
And my waitress at Chili's offered me mushrooms.
Is that custom?
Swear to God.
Really?
Yes.
Oh, no.
Where was the Chili's?
In Oklahoma City.
Really?
The other one you got there.
We have more than one there.
I don't know about that.
We have... How many you got? Chili's have more than one there. I don't know about that. We have...
How many you got?
Chili's a lot.
Oh, she's mushrooms.
She's talking about mushrooms.
She wants to know if you've ever done mushrooms.
Oh, yeah, I've done mushrooms.
You just throw it in a fajita.
Very fun.
Wait, what year did you do mushrooms?
I haven't in probably about a decade.
Decade.
I've done it multiple times before that.
Really?
You should eat mushrooms
That would be a good podcast
That would be awesome
That would be a fucking hilarious podcast
Do you think that I would interrupt her more or less
If I was on mushrooms?
Less
More and less
There would be times you do more
And times you do less
Less
It's good for your brain
It's great for your brain Alright It's great for your brain.
All right, well, we got to finish up the show anyway
because we got to get TJ to go shoot.
Thank you, guys.
Okay, thank you.
Have fun editing the podcast.
Great job, everyone.
Mushrooms.
How was Stu Feiner?
Stu Feiner on next episode?
Because I said so.
Did he try?
Oh, Tico said he was good.
He was good?
Did he try to hit on you?
Yeah. Now you're just talking. You got to? Did he try to hit on you? Yeah.
Now you're just talking.
You've got to talk in the mic if you're going to talk.
How about the 15-15-30?
Oh, we know 15-15-30.
I thought the 15-15-30 was a gambling thing.
Nope.
Nope.
It's kind of a gamble.
Yeah, it's true.
It's true.
All right.
Thank you, guys.
Whose phone's going off?
Oh, yeah.
You guys all get out of here.
Your phone?
Hmm. That was also chaos.
That was a lot of chaos.
It was.
A lot of hugging.
Yeah, my brain...
It looks like they were waiting for someone to take a picture of them for like 15 minutes.
Easy, Patrick.
He's thunderstruck.
I like him, too.
Yeah.
Makes a very good oatmeal cream pie, as well.
Oh, you like your cream pies?
They were fantastic.
Wow.
Oh, look it.
There's Lisa Ann from The Real Housewives.
Yep.
Of Potomac.
I can't believe Tico thinks that.
She looks wonderful.
This might be awkward.
That would be so funny if Tico asked her about The Housewives.
She genuinely thinks that.
Yeah, she thinks she was a Potomac-hunting picture.
Obviously not Potomac.
That wouldn't make sense. Any of the other ones, though. She genuinely thinks that she's from... Yeah, she thinks she was a Potomac-hunting picture. Obviously not Potomac. That's...
That wouldn't make sense.
Any of the other ones, though.
Or I guess not Atlanta, either.
Why, is that a racial...
The entire cast is black.
Legend, Lisa Ann.
Whoa, Steven.
Jesus Christ, Jay.
Keep it in your fucking pants, bro.
Legend.
Lisa Ann.
Steven dropped another gem yesterday.
What?
High five my issues?
He drops one every week.
He got attacked by Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.
True.
What?
Several years ago.
How?
We've been doing a daily hour show where we've been just scratching and clawing for talking points.
And he's never mentioned.
He's never talked about it.
Getting attacked by Steven Tyler.
Romero Smith.
Yeah, we brought up Steven Tyler, so it was relevant.
What happened?
You smelled it.
Listen to the bracket.
He knows exactly.
I'm pretty sure Steven Tyler lives in my hometown.
We'll retell the story once the bracket comes out.
I'm thinking of the wrong one, though.
TJ, you want to go shoot?
Yeah, we have a better camera set up for it.
All right, perfect.
So it's 1-0.
You're playing two games?
I think so, yeah.
All right, so hopefully it's a better setup.
What are you guys shooting?
It's the five-shot league finals.
TJ's in it, our boy.
Oh, really?
Let's go, TJ.
He's up 1-0.
He could win the finals tonight. If I win both games. boy. Oh, really? Let's go, TJ. He's up 1-0. He could win the finals today.
Against whom?
Against whom?
I heard he's crazy.
The GOAT?
Josh, yeah.
That's what it seems like.
Focus the fuck up, TJ.
Even Tyler does not live in my hometown.
Would you guys like to go physically there,
and we'll mute these mics so you can go there,
or do you want to watch from here with the mics?
Let's watch from here.
I'm here.
Why don't you mute there?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
Okay, beautiful.
That's a good camera angle.
There's chaos everywhere right now.
Yeah, everybody's just milling about.
So many people feeling their feelings in the air.
Foot traffic.
Yeah, they are trying to be seen.
We're walking past a little glass aquarium.
Tomato pies are creeping up right now.
Uh-oh.
Down, downeping down.
Creeping down.
Is it true that a burp, a fart turns into a burp if you don't fart it?
Yep.
We got to keep our eyes on KB after this because my boy is down bad.
Did I tell you that?
That's real?
I'm not.
I don't know.
You're not.
You're not.
That's right.
You're not.
What happens to the bubble?
Who told you that?
I don't know.
I just heard it in conversation.
That's a way better camera.
I heard that this week, too.
Will you use spy cam with this?
This pillar looks incredible.
You can see every crevice of this pillar.
Damn, this is a great camera.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
What the fuck?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, is this the first shot?
Is this the first shot?
You're champion.
This is our guy going up against TJ. Oh, 0 for 1. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Frank's in his kitchen. 0 for 4.
Oh, boy's got it.
DJ might.
Oh, there.
Oh, what?
Yeah, should we?
No.
All right.
0 for 5.
I need to get the arm hold.
DJ, you want to do something about that?
Fuck.
What's a good score?
One or two.
One or two.
Two.
Oh, his sweaty hands.
You see how he's wiping his hands off?
Sweaty hands.
Oh, here sweaty hands. You see how he's wiping his hands off? Oh, here comes Jerry.
Hold on.
I'm going to call Jerry to get him off because he's supposed to psych out TJ with the crazy eyes.
Look what he's doing.
Oh, shit.
Oh, what is this?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
He's on, John.
He's on. He. He's on.
He had all his makes yesterday.
For a mini-prawl.
Dead.
He won.
He made it?
No, he's got one game now.
This is the finals.
That's it.
Bottom of the barrel.
Wow, TJ shrunk conscious.
Job's not finished.
Is that it?
They play another game right now?
Why don't you just do it again?
Yeah, let's do this.
Not space them out.
We can go one more if you want.
Yes.
Max, they don't have to be primetime.
What do they want to do?
Go one more.
Yeah, just finish it off.
All right, here we go. All right here. We go
This looks like the 4k camera they have in the end zone
You don't have the rock.
Call me back.
I didn't want to revert to this, but.
Oh, no.
Max.
How long is the timeout?
Do we have a.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
All right, so now this is a good video.
This is just chaos.
What the fuck?
It is so, so troubling.
He's probably one of the best receivers in the league.
All right, time in.
Oh, God, no.
Let's go, T. God, I can't get it in time.
Yo, Josh, can you get out of there?
I keep calling Jerry.
Come on
Oh my god there's an ad
Bang
Oh is Jerry trying to watch porn
I don't know but I'm facetiming him
To try to fuck him up
Yeah keep facetiming him
I keep doing it
It's a buffering song from Frank I can't get it it's not low FaceTime him to try to fuck him up. Yeah, keep FaceTiming him. I keep doing it.
It's a buffering song from Frank. I can't get it.
It's not low.
Oh, my God.
Yo, why is Big Cat calling me?
Stop.
Come on.
One more hit.
One more hit.
One more time.
God damn it, Big Cat.
God damn it.
All right.
All right.
One hit. I'm fine with one, I think. God damn it. All right, all right. One hit.
One is I'm fine with one, I think.
I'm going to call back another time.
Come on, come on.
Oh, Josh.
That was cocky by Josh.
Tell him to call back another time.
That was not it.
Yep.
What did TJ get?
Oh!
Did he get one?
Yes, yes, yes.
He got one.
Try to do a swish. Try to do a swish.
Try to do a swish.
Oh, look at Frank's laugh.
That's diabolical.
Oh, my God.
Why did you look back?
You shouldn't have looked back.
Miss this, you bitch.
Miss this, you bitch.
Oh, he missed.
Let's go.
Three more misses.
Three shots.
If he misses all three, TJ's the champion.
TJ is our champ.
Oh my god!
What the fuck is going on?
Let's go, TJ.
Dude, something's rigged.
What the fuck, dude?
What was that? That was in.
What?
What did the fucking Yak boys do to the rims?
It's rigged, huh?
No, it wasn't.
We got a leprechaun.
I think we got an angel.
This is choked.
This is like six man.
Oh, it's over.
One shot.
One shot.
One shot.
One shot.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
Oh, TJ.
TJ.
Weep.
He swept their ass. Wow, Josh, TJ. Sweep. He swept their ass.
Wow, Josh, the choked job.
He hit the shot when the drone was in.
Oh, yeah.
He couldn't hit one shot out of ten?
He didn't hit a single shot.
Wow, that's a big-time choked job by Josh.
Wow, TJ.
Champion.
Everyone congratulate TJ
on Twitter people say
he's got the broom they
got sturdy on him and
hit the broom room
swept them oh he got
the room yeah TJ let's
go unbelievable what a
show love it what a show
shout out to Patrick
give it maybe a speech for a moment.
Shout out to Miss Kim.
That's heartbreaking for Josh.
Shout out to Sass.
Shout out to cameras, man.
Wait, what kind of bathroom is Sass using?
He's going to be replaying that shot forever.
I mean, he went, how do you not hit a shot in the finals?
I know.
Doesn't he need like a guarantee?
Guarantee.
Playoff choke shit. Fucked you up. Yeah, that's good defense. That's defense on the defense. What's up You need like a guarantee. Guarantee. Playoff choke shit.
Fucked you up.
Yeah, that's good defense.
That's defense on the defense.
What's up?
You messed me up.
What are you talking about?
Here, sit down.
What are you talking about?
You messed me up.
With what?
With what?
I knew you were doing.
What are you talking about?
I was trying to play something.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You're wrestling?
I did wrestle, yeah.
Is that when he messed you up?
No.
Wait, what are you talking about?
I was trying.
I was in the five-shot league, and I was trying to—
Oh, that was going on today?
I thought that was just yesterday.
Oh, I know.
He messed me up.
We lost.
Oh, that's my guy TJ.
Sorry that I was doing a counteractive.
Am I allowed to do that?
You're allowed.
Missile defense system.
KB's upset.
Why is KB upset?
There's been a lot of laughs, but KB would have loved to be.
I'm not upset at you.
Wait, hold on.
Let's just congratulate TJ.
Let's congratulate TJ. Hey, Jay, this you. Hold on. Let's just congratulate TJ. Let's congratulate TJ.
Hey, Jay.
This is TJ's moment.
This is TJ's moment.
TJ, I was doing some counteroffensive.
Oh, I know.
Jerry.
Josh is the goat on the court,
but you're the goat off the court.
You always have.
No.
Got your ass.
You did.
I mean, you couldn't do anything about it.
Why were you going to play?
Why are you FaceTiming me?
I was trying to. That was a good. What were you going to play? Why are you FaceTiming me? I was trying to.
That was a good impression.
You're going to play the porn, but I kept FaceTiming you.
And the ads.
You've got to get the ad or subscribe.
No, I am not subscribing.
You've got to subscribe.
TJ's the winner.
The rifle air.
It's like $30 a month.
Great performance, TJ.
Thank you.
Josh is not clutch at all.
I mean, he missed every shot in the finals.
Horrible.
It's the opposite of clutch.
Has he ever won one?
No.
No, Hank won last year. That was the first one. Wow, and he's the shot in the finals. It's the opposite of clutch. Has he ever won one? No. No, Hank won last year.
That was the first one.
Wow, and he's the best player.
Yep.
Wow.
Yeah, so you guys want to...
KB's not mad.
He's not mad.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm just upset that I didn't get to do that.
Yeah, but you're wrestling today at three.
I don't know.
On what surface, though, you're saying?
What surface?
That's what Roman is under the assumption of.
We don't have a surface.
What about the surface, though?
You know what I mean?
What surface?
It can't be on this floor.
On the carpet?
Will Renzo Gracie let us go in?
Yeah.
Oh, Renzo Gracie's right around the corner.
Yes.
Just for a little bit?
Yes.
You just walk in with camera crews?
Yeah.
Those guys aren't confrontational.
He thinks he's wrestling you.
Okay.
He's warming up currently.
I'll give you $100 to pay Renzo Gracie.
He's on his way back here to the office.
Didn't go with you?
No.
Did you beat him up?
How do you...
Is he with a crew?
He's with a cameraman.
His own cameraman?
Yeah.
And I think maybe his...
I don't want to say that.
Look at that.
Look how great they look.
You do look good in that singlet, bro.
He's fast.
He's so fast.
Okay, but if you want, I can link you with the Rutgers program and get some revenge.
Revenge?
I don't know.
He doesn't like you.
I know those guys.
He doesn't like you about the gospel comment.
He's upset.
What did you say?
What did you say?
He's upset. He's like say? What did you say? He's upset.
He's like...
My baby cried at this.
Oh, my God, yeah.
This was so funny.
He's up...
All right, I'll tell that.
I'll tell that story.
Well, you know, KB, you know,
thinks, like, I'm some good, you know,
kid or whatever.
He's like, I go out, I have fun.
Like, just because I came out to gospel music,
he's like, I'm gonna kick his ass. He's brainw I go out, I have fun. Like, just because I came out to gospel music, he's like,
I'm gonna kick his ass.
He's brainwashed.
By what?
By the Lord?
The Lord,
the Penn State Lord guys.
Mormon.
Oh,
he's Mormon?
They are up there.
KB,
is your mom still not listening
for the...
She's at Lent,
yeah.
Lent?
Lent.
Lent.
Lent.
Nice.
Nice.
That's when you can hit your...
She won't know TJ won.
Oh, fuck.
Text her.
Tell her.
Tell her, please.
She'll like that.
Please tell her that she loves TJ.
Tell her.
Tell her we distracted Jerry while he was trying to distract.
Yeah.
TJ.
That was a good move.
That was smart.
All right.
You guys just figure it out between the two of you.
Shut up.
I'm not doing the middleman thing here.
All right?
You guys wrestle or whatever you need to do.
Get it figured out.
Very rude what you did, Jerry.
If you had a comedian on your show, you'd take it.
For the meat part?
Exactly.
I mean, that's why. That's insane. You should have been. Yeah. I mean, that's why.
That's insane.
You should have been.
Yeah.
I agree with you.
I'm upset for you.
Because people don't know when you actually are taking something dead serious.
No, I know when he is.
It's wrestling.
And that's his thing.
It's wrestling, 100%.
Let's go to Renzo Gracie.
I'll pay for it.
Seriously, I'll give you my credit card.
I got priors.
Okay.
I'll give you the company.
What does that mean?
I'm saying I'll give you the company card.
So I won't even.
You can pay to get in?
I'm sure if you walked in and you're like, hey, can we use the gym for 30 minutes?
They'll either say yes or it costs money.
And then if it says it costs money.
Figure it out.
We'll use the card.
Figure it out.
Yeah, yeah. W's in the chat.