The Yak - Max Gets His Time to Shine on Deli Day | The Yak 6-5-24
Episode Date: June 5, 2024Bechdel TestYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hello.
Hello.
It's a yak.
Welcome in.
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Hello, everyone.
Hello, Big Jack. Hello. How's everyone doing? Good. I'm doing a lot better now that Kyle's here.com. Promo code Yak. Hello, everyone. Hello, Big Jack.
Hello.
How's everyone doing?
Good.
I'm doing a lot better now that Kyle's here.
Yep.
Making an entrance.
Showing up.
Fresh cut.
Two days ago.
What was that clip of you with JJ Redick?
When did you go on his podcast?
When did I go on JJ's podcast?
Yeah.
Was that like three months ago?
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
It's pretty sick.
You kept it low-key.
Is he the coach of the Lakers?
He's going to be.
He hasn't been hired yet.
It's been rumored for like a month, though.
Has he coached at all?
No.
No.
He's podcasted.
No.
No, he coaches his sons. Does the NBA do that?
Like, they'll just take a chance?
The new NBA.
Because, like, the NFL would never do that.
No.
You have to have a laundry list of coaching positions.
Coaches just don't really matter in the NBA.
Baseball does that sometimes, too.
They'll do it.
They'll do it.
Coaches in the NBA are just scapegoats.
Correct.
Yeah.
Correct.
They're vibes guys. Yeah. They've got to match the vibes of their bestats. Correct. Yeah. Correct. They're vibes guys.
Yeah.
They got to match the vibes of their best player.
Otherwise, they're out.
If LeBron doesn't like you, you're fired.
Right.
And if LeBron likes you, you get hired.
You're an all-time coach.
Well, that's what's getting JJ hired.
We had Steven Jackson and Matt Barnes here this morning.
All the smoke guys are fucking awesome.
They're great. And Steven Jackson was like,
JJ Redick has the most...
Fuck, what did he say?
Hold on.
Line.
All right.
Most privileged possible.
White privilege, LeBron privilege.
Oh, wow.
Damn.
Combo.
Is there Duke privilege, too?
Duke privilege.
It exists, but not in the NBA.
That's synonymous.
What about Handsome Privilege?
That's huge.
Titus isn't funny.
What was that Pete? Oh yeah you are buddy.
Put that sculpted chin up.
We got a deli slicer here.
Really exciting.
Max is going to hurt himself.
Oh, he already cut his finger.
He's going to cut one off.
Yeah, probably.
Was behind this anything?
That would be fun.
Max told a story on PMT that he can't get the cheese.
He's blamed the entire city of Chicago for not being able to cut the cheese correctly.
So that's the big, that's the thesis.
And then apparently the deli he goes to, they won't cut it thin enough.
Now the problem is I asked Max, tell me exactly what you say.
And he said that every time he goes up to the deli, he says he wants it very, very thin.
And from my perspective, if you use two verys, you're a piece of shit,
and I would never cut it thin for you.
Yeah.
Saying very, very is like, all right, we got it, dude.
It's condescending.
Yeah, we got it.
It's like, I know you're going to fuck this up, so let me get ahead of it.
Yeah.
Let you know you've already fucked it up.
Now let's try again.
Right.
But what if he tried very and it didn't work?
Right.
He didn't.
He hadn't tried very.
He went straight to very, very.
He had been doing very, very the whole time.
Oh, he's a dickhead.
Yeah.
You got to try very.
Also, just, I don't even think you got to try very first.
Yeah, can you cut it really thin?
Yeah.
And you do a little of this, a little pinch?
Yeah.
I like to sprinkle in a, as, in this instance, I would say, can you cut it as thin as the
law would allow?
Ooh, that's a lot.
I order a beer and they're like, how big? And I was like, as thin as the law would allow i order a beer and they're
like how big and i was like as big as the law will allow the waitress is like you're as good
you're not like those other patrons the legal limit how about if he said paper thin yeah he
could work thin yeah really really or very very thin is just it's i'd be pissed yeah because
that's adding because that's me telling you i want
something very very thin so that's me telling you that you're very thin is not thin enough yeah
right yeah and i'm adding my second very on top of you correct your entire operation your format
is flawed yeah and he's putting emphasis emphasis on the reese why does he vary cody go get max grab
max and so he's slicing right now so So PFT bought him a slicer.
It's a good looking slicer. It was like 500 bucks.
Very Italian and fat of Max.
So we now have a deli slicer in the office.
Yes.
I was sitting over there.
It was all my guys.
It was Memes, Pug, Shane, Max.
Max was about to cut his finger off.
While Memes and Pug were having a conversation. about to cut his finger off while memes and pug
were having a conversation.
He's got his finger wrapped.
They were having the conversation,
where does pepperoni come from?
And I looked over and I was like,
these guys literally,
I have the easiest job in the world.
I have the best job in the world.
I sit in front of a microphone.
They make me look good.
These are the guys that have to make me look good.
Yeah, and they're killers.
Yeah, right.
They were like,
where does pepperoni come from?
For the record, I knew where pepperoni came from. It's pork, right?
I know my deli.
What is it? It's pork.
I would have never guessed. What? No way.
What are you guys talking about? I didn't know that.
Look at me. I'm saying this for Nick.
It's a question I would have never asked. I've never thought about it.
Spices.
Where would it have come from? I thought it was beef.
Pepperoni?
No, you didn't.
I guess there is beef pepperoni.
There's beef pepperoni, yeah.
Yeah.
Nick, I'm with you.
I've never questioned pepperoni.
Pepperoni's never been something that presents what it is.
You really do have to dig to see if it's pork.
I don't know.
You kind of figure out.
It's like, yeah, it's a pig.
Just a log of meat.
Either way, I'll tell the story.
So did you ever try the just one very?
Yeah, that's how I started with it.
I thought you started with two verys.
No, I started with one very, but then I got angry,
so then I started saying very, very.
So you said it like that.
Exactly, yeah.
Very.
But it started.
Say it like you said it.
Are you pointing like that? Say it like you said it. Are you pointing like that?
Say it like you said it.
It started nicely.
No, you walk in, and you're going to use the second Barry.
I'm the counter guy.
Hey, what can I help you with?
First time ever that you've interacted with this guy.
You walk into a Jules Osco, they give you a.
Well, let's role play.
Max, I'm the counter guy.
Let's role play.
Hey, man, how you doing?
What can I help you with today?
Hi, I'd like to get the 2% white American boar's head cheese.
Why are you using that voice?
This is my plate voice.
This is my plate voice. Very weird.
Hey man, how are you today? What can I help you with?
I would like to have the 2% white American
boar's head cheese. You mind if I
get that very thin?
It's so aggressive.
I thought you were going to do the two varies.
Well, that's how it started there.
No, do the two.
Okay, what is it now?
Can I get that very, very thin?
Oh, that's a dickhead.
You would never cut it thin in those circumstances.
But I'm polite before I get to the thinness.
Because the thinness, I need to assert what I want.
Your face is switching up and you're getting mad.
Well, yes, it's a very sensitive subject.
Why?
Why is cheese so sensitive?
Because I don't like thick cheese.
I like thin cheese.
I like thinly sliced cheese.
I just saw you cut cheese and it wasn't very thin.
Oh, no, I figured it out.
I figured it out.
Wait, you got a thin slice now?
Go get us a thin slice.
See, now he had.
Oh, he's running.
He's running and turning on the chicken.
Get him, go.
Oh, he's starting to break.
Yep, yep.
That's all he had.
So, yeah, that's how he got a deli slicer.
I love Max.
It's as simple as that.
He is just, someone put it perfectly because we had Rosillo on today.
They're like, in no other world is like a very successful sports broadcast,
the producer is allowed to yell at the guest the way Max does.
His beat came up and Max was just like screaming at rassilo for like three
minutes what's he doing i'm team oh oh i'm team max on this one all the way look how thin that is
then dollar store toilet paper the camera can't even pick it up it's gorgeous oh wait can you
make it a filter over the camera can you see us yeah yeah over the camera
it's like in the godfather when they're slicing the garlic in prison.
Like, super, super.
Yeah, you're right.
With the razor blade.
Look at that.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
I mean, good work, but I have questions.
Oh, okay.
Go ahead, KB.
Oh, perfect.
To Max.
You could probably take it off the camera.
That's about to just disappear.
Oh, it's so delicate.
It's so delicate.
You're telling me that if you were given a slice of cheese like this.
Max, can I make a request?
It feels like a little butterfly.
Can I have some pepperoni sliced this thin?
You can't do pepperoni that thin.
We can get pepperoni this thin?
You can hardly feel it touch your tongue.
It's amazing.
What are you collabing with with this cheese?
What are you putting it with?
A sandwich?
What kind of sandwich?
The interior.
He's making hoagies right now
if anyone wants one.
It's deli day.
It should be deli day every day.
Holy shit.
I just said that.
Take the cheese off the camera, Max.
Bring some more cheese.
You left the cheese on the camera.
Hey, they ate the more cheese. Come on. You left the cheese on the camera. Okay.
Hey, they ate the camera cheese.
Camera cheese.
Oh, you dirtbags.
Should I take it out of my mouth?
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
Are you with him?
You want your cheese?
Not that thing. I don't think it's necessary to have a mess.
When it comes to an Italian-type sandwich,
the potency of the salami or the pepperoni
overpowers the cheese so much i don't understand needing
he's not going to even taste the cheese well you're going to put two slices of that on there
or three so why not just i think you overdo the cheese the only thing i like thin is turkey
because turkey when it's thick gets like a little like when it gets that slime to it or like a
little wetness it's gross i like i like very thin turkey oh Oh, look at this.
Thank you, sir.
So this is just Max's job now.
But his dream job is to have a hoagie shop.
Valley and Ocean City, New Jersey.
Ocean City, New Jersey?
Yep.
No booze there.
No booze.
No, it's dry.
Oh, that's some great pepperoni. I accidentally got two.
That was no accident.
Make some sandwiches over here? Oh, hell yeah max happy happy deli day i'll do a pepperoni and a
provolone maybe some salami too yeah i'll just yeah freestyle let's do that he's really cut it
up into little pieces max this is the happiest i've ever seen him. Yeah, he's just reached full Italian.
He's walking with a jump.
Yeah, no, he's got
a little sass to him.
But this is his first time
working a slicer, right?
Yeah, and it's the first time
his parents have ever
been proud of him.
Yeah, this has to be...
Oh!
He's finally doing a job
that real Italians should do.
I worked at a deli
in middle school
and I legally could not...
Yeah, I legally could not work the slicer
you had to be like 16
could you legally work at all?
no god no
but people come in and ask for deli meats
and I was like sorry I can't help you
because it was a deli
and couldn't work the slicer
what were you doing?
you were just standing next to the slicer saying can't help you?
pretty much I made pizzas and I made hoagies but I couldn't work the slicer for when people
came in and ordered actual deli meat to take home.
I couldn't help them with that.
That's bullshit.
Kids should be able to use a slicer.
Absolutely.
He's getting himself all set up.
This is a beautiful visual.
Yeah.
It's a nice looking slicer too.
Yeah.
Is there any chance he's washed his hands in the past?
No.
And he was bleeding and he couldn't find a band-aid so he used a pardon my cheesesteak
sticker.
Is that what it is?
Is that what's wrapped around it?
I shouldn't have eaten that cheese.
Probably should have band-aids.
Well, Paige is in a meeting.
Is he just setting?
Okay, it's on a stick.
And when Paige is in a meeting, it's no different than when mom was at work it's lawless and you're just like someone call mom at work
we need we need to find this she shouldn't be allowed to take meetings yeah or she should just
have a beeper oh for emergencies we should get yeah she has to leave a meeting because an adult
needs a band-aid no yeah no it was It was like six adults sitting around being like, where are the band-aids?
Like, oh, Paige is in a meeting.
We'll just bleed out.
We didn't want to bother.
We have, Caitlin's a secondary, Paige.
I think she was in the meeting as well.
Oh, they can't.
Oh, shit.
One of them has to.
They can't both be on a plane.
We need a designated survivor.
A designated survivor, yeah.
Yeah, we need.
You got to put someone
You gotta lock someone away
Oh there's Paige
What's he
He's lining up all the hoagies
So I guess he's making a sandwich for all of us
They look like hot dog buns
I like a good hoagie man
Italian hoagie
Did you already have lunch
Oh yeah
Chick fil a Atta boy You're back on it fully Did you already have lunch? Oh yeah Chick-fil-A
Atta boy
You're back on it fully?
I was back on it today
I saw you have it yesterday
No I didn't have it yesterday
I did have it
And I enjoyed it
No I didn't have it yesterday
Oh he's pissed about something
Two days ago?
Yeah probably
KB what's up? Oh he's yelling Why is it so satisfying? Oh, two days ago? Yeah, probably. Okay. What's?
KB, what's up?
Oh, he's yelling.
Why is it so satisfying?
I'm out the next two days.
I know.
I'm loving this.
Why?
I got a wedding.
You're the best man.
Shit, dude.
You're the best man.
Should we?
How are we thinking about the?
Hey, did your guy's dad do the dozen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
That was tonight.
Frank couldn't do it, and EFT couldn't do it, so.
Yeah, a little.
He's had our dads fill in.
Doug Winoi.
Prince and Cecil over here.
Me and Doug.
Who are you, Nick?
Ken and Ken.
Wait, who played on which?
Oh, Nick played with you guys?
No, Will Teraney played with me and Fran.
Got it.
That's going to be sick.
Damn, Doug Winoy's hot, dude.
Yeah.
Excited to see that.
That's tonight.
Oh, it's tonight.
Yeah, that's quick.
We just did it this morning.
We're the product of two real brainiacs.
Where was Frank?
Uh, his schedule couldn't allow it, I guess.
I don't know, we could only get Frank through Jenks now.
I missed the Stella Blue meeting this morning because we were doing a bunch of stuff and apparently
Frank and it might have come from Jenks
they wanted Stella Blue to
actually pay them
oh yeah
quite a curveball
I don't know if they how do they express this
they were like
Trevor who runs Stella Blue
for me like I guess said
in the meeting like they were approached by Frank Enterprises for a potential collab, but Frank would like compensation for that.
Oh, no.
What?
Yeah, that's got to be coming from...
I don't know.
We've got to get the agents involved.
Yeah.
I don't know.
The wording was like, treat it like a regular advertiser.
I was there.
Yes, yes, yes.
Treat it like what?
Treat it like a standard advertiser. I was there, yes, yes, yes. Treat it like what? Treat it like a standard advertiser.
Yeah, but those don't do it.
Why would you do that when it's a barstool company?
I'm on your side.
I just heard about this an hour ago, too.
But wait.
That would be like Jenks being like,
hey, has Yak thought about doing some advertising with Frank?
No different.
Treating it like a regular advertiser.
Is Frank getting a cut?
I don't know.
Oh, shit. That's what like a regular advertiser. Is Frank getting a cut? I don't know. Oh, shit.
That's what he's asking you.
If Frank did on every single walk, he's like,
and we're brought to you by the Yak, tune in every weekday.
We all have to pay him.
Yes, yes.
Kind of would like that, though.
That would be nice, but I don't.
We'd have to pay him for that.
He's got to be close to being a millionaire.
I was just going to ask, is he a millionaire easily who's made more money this year him or pat bev
oh with the fines with the fines probably frank i think yeah i think frank is caking i mean cameo
he's he's still doing that right the cameo yeah and we we haven't even hit busy season wet season when it's uh fantasy football drop wet season
when it's when it's basically wall to wall just yelling into his phone these might not be good
what's he doing he's touching these in the maximum amount of weight yeah why is the mustard already
on there i think that was oil. That's oil.
He's making sure
that he touches these as most.
Oh, God. He's touching the inside.
I'm not eating. I can't eat it anyway.
I don't want to just pee on them.
It almost looks like he's playing a game like
how long can you go without touching it.
He's touching everything.
This is like a backyard hose.
He's like fucking spraying it everywhere.
What emotion?
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
Red wine.
Oh, he's patting that one.
Yeah, pat it down in there.
A little red wine, Vinny.
Look, here comes the...
He's really taking this seriously.
Yeah. He really does
want to do this. I think it's going to be a good sandwich.
Let's see. It'll be...
But at the pace he's going, it'll...
Is it even coming out?
It'll be tomorrow.
I trust him.
Mac's definitely no sandwiches.
You Philly guys are a little annoyingly on each other's
sides. Yeah. Oh, we have to be.
No, you don't. Yeah, we do. Otherwise, you guys are coming in herely on each other's sides. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we have to be. No, you don't.
Yeah, we do.
You guys are fine.
Otherwise, you guys are coming in here just fucking.
Wait, nobody's coming.
Anybody.
You guys just need to act.
You and Kate have both done it to me differently.
You've come at Kate for cream chip beef harder than I've ever seen.
No, nobody ever came at Kate for that.
Oh, okay.
I wasn't even here.
There goes the cheese.
Kyle.
Yes.
Sandwiches.
Oh, here we go.
I like a panini.
No. No, no, no.
The game.
The game.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
Three, two, one.
Bread. Butter and jelly. You got to go bread right off the bat. That is the sin. Yeah, that's crazy moves. Yeah 3, 2, 1 Bread
You gotta go bread right off the bat
Yeah that's crazy
You guys are the least in sync
I would
Okay
No I
I said peanut butter and jelly
Got it and we should be on the same page
Which page are you on though
You combine the two.
You don't cheat and pick a skewer.
One of them's going to try to go to the other one.
Three, two, one, crust.
That's exact opposite.
That's right.
Crust and uncrustable.
See, I feel like I win.
Don't do it.
We'll get to that.
What are we doing?
Go to that, TJ. Put Rub We got it. We got it. We'll get to that. Oh, what are we doing? We'll get to that. Don't do that, TJ.
Do not do that.
Go ahead and put Reuben in it.
Go ahead and put Reuben in it.
S.
S.
Reuben in S.
Reuben is not S.
Don't do it.
Cheesesteak's not S.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
No.
Angelo's.
Crust and Uncrustables.
This is easy.
Three.
Wait.
Wait.
This is not easy.
Nick, pick it up for me.
Crust and Uncrustables?
Go.
With them two now? Yeah. I've never seen this before. I've never. Crusted Uncrustables? Yeah. Go. With them two now?
Yeah.
I've never seen this before.
I've never seen a switch like this.
Ready?
Yeah.
Three, two, one, lunch.
Grain?
Grain?
Grain.
We're talking about crust and sandwich.
All right, now we have lunch and grain.
This is easy.
This is easy.
Okay.
Three, two, one, wheat.
Lunch?
Kyle is kind of a ball hog.
Yes, he is a ball hog.
Actually, he started with bread, and now he's just gone.
He's deconstructed bread.
He hasn't given you any.
He hasn't left bread yet.
And he fired you.
He stayed on bread.
He was all-encompassing.
Kyle, I don't think you could do this with anybody.
Yeah.
Do it with old Kate.
Okay.
Fuck you, Kyle.
All right, let me get in your head.
Are we doing lunch again is the topic?
Okay.
Lunch.
Is it lunch?
We'll do lunch.
Okay, great.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Three, two, one.
Burger.
Kyle.
He's selfish.
What is more lunchy?
Cafeteria.
Cafeteria, where lunch takes place every day all across the world.
And you said what?
I said burger.
That's a dinner on.
That's a dinner date.
No, you can have a burger.
Burger at lunch.
All right, keep going.
Get it together, guys.
Cafeteria burger.
This should be easy.
Cafeteria burger.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Bosco stick.
I quit.
Trey's the greatest.
Titus, you can have him.
He's selfish.
He's ball hog. He's ball hog. He's shooting from everywhere.
Quincy Doobie.
That was for you, Teej.
Thanks. Ball hog.
Quincy Doobie.
I just remember him shooting from everywhere.
States.
No, TJ, stop.
That shouldn't take long.
Oh, he teared it on his own.
States.
Wait, what did you just do?
He teared it on his own.
He went to work.
Oh, grilled cheese is not A.
I think it might be.
It's an A or S.
Yeah, really good, but you add any meat to it,
and it's immediately better.
Pause.
Yes.
Super thin ham on a grilled cheese.
Pause.
Grilled cheese hits every time, guys.
Stop taking it away.
Stop taking it away, TJ.
Go up to S.
Go up to S.
BLT is not good.
I love his S tier.
I think bacon and cheese is not good.
I think his S tier is spot on.
I think his S tier is great.
Italian A.
I think Italian should be A.
Italian's A.
We can't do this.
I'd go Italian A.
I've got to get Reen an A or S.
Italians can be too wet.
Italian's low because any hot sandwich is better than any cold sandwich.
What the fuck is it that never had?
What is that?
Kankatsu.
What?
Get Bon Mee out of there.
Armies are good.
TJ, you're skinny.
You're not allowed to be like...
Yeah, this is bullshit.
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
BLT's almost a gateway drug.
I think cheesesteaks are overrated, and I'll just say it.
Nah.
Well, that's because you're not a real man.
That's not true.
Cheesesteaks are often done very badly.
Correct.
It is hard to find a good one, but when you do find a good one, you understand why.
I don't know if I've ever found a good one.
You eat the same thing every day.
Reuben should be an A or S.
S.
Reuben is incredible.
Reuben's the best sandwich. I'll just... Like, actually
close your eyes and think about Brandon
as a man holding a cheesesteak.
It's impossible to imagine. You've seen
me eat cheesesteaks. I've eaten cheesesteaks with you.
Now close your eyes and think about
Brandon as a little
boy eating dino nuggets.
Eating little nuggets. Yeah.
Now it makes a lot of sense.
I see you skipping down the street.
Lollipop.
Yeah.
Oh, you want your juice box?
Cut your hot dogs into octopus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what he's doing.
Yeah.
Anyway, Reuben's the best.
I agree.
If you deconstruct a Reuben, you're getting a medley of C-tier ingredients.
But the thing is, you can't deconstruct.
That's not a Reuben.
We're ranking the sandwich, not the ingredients.
Straw man, straw man, straw man. Can you agree on that?
There's no reason to agree on that.
I just wanted to submit a fun fact. We're talking about the sandwich.
Do you disagree with what I just said?
I have no... It's irrelevant. I love sauerkraut.
Pull it apart. I love sauerkraut.
You can say that about any sandwich. It's sauerkraut and S-tier food.
It's very high for me.
It's very high for me. Oh, I don't like sauerkraut.
I will cut up hot dogs, warm up sauerkraut and just eat that together.
Yum.
And what's the meat?
I'm with it.
Straw hot dogs.
No.
Oh, and oh, yeah.
Is pastrami or salami or no, not salami.
Pastrami, right?
Or corned beef.
Corned beef.
Yeah.
Can I point something out about Max's technique really quick and why thin slice is so important?
Yes.
Yeah.
He's the thin slice. when you have thicker meats,
you have to lay them down layer by layer.
When you bite it, it's kind of like a sliminess to it.
He is folding each one delicately in a little crumple onto the sandwich,
and that makes, I'm telling you.
I think he just wants to touch more things.
Oh, yeah.
Every square inch of a sandwich.
It's the most touched sandwich.
But the crumple is the correct way to...
If you were at a real deli and it was taking this long to make your sandwich,
how many times have you made a comment to the guy making your sandwich by now?
Many times.
Comments or stomps?
Arm folds.
Arm folds.
Staring.
Staring.
Arm folds.
Maybe one of those.
No, you're confrontational.
You'll say something.
No, but I go through the sides and the stomps before I confrontate.
That's not true.
I saw you go at that guy in front of the lizard, the reptile house at the turtle back zoo.
Well, that guy was a piece of shit.
Wait, what happened?
What the fuck were you waiting for?
Hold on.
What was that sentence?
No, no.
Say the sentence again.
First of all, I think that's-
I saw you go right at a guy who wouldn't let us in the reptile house at the Turtleback Zoo.
You know why?
That's not real.
And who was right?
You.
I was.
I'm glad you were on my side.
I wanted to see some reptilians.
We were in line forever, and then they chose.
Where?
At the Turtleback Zoo to go to the reptile house.
It's the tiniest, cutest little zoo in New Jersey.
It's a tiny little little zoo.
We were going to the reptile house at the Turtleback Zoo, and we had stood in line for about five minutes,
and when it came time to be our turn,
the guy who hadn't been paying attention and was watching the door
turned and said, no, you're supposed to stand in line.
And I said, we have been standing in line.
You haven't been looking.
And then he got all mad, and I got all mad, but I was right.
You were right.
And it wasn't a guy, it was a woman.
It was a woman.
Did you see the reptiles? No, we didn't go in. No, we did not go in. And it wasn't a guy. It was a woman. It was a woman. Did you see the.
No, we didn't go in. We did not go in.
Oh, so he owned you.
No.
No, you left on your own accord, I believe.
I quit.
You can't fire me.
I didn't even want to see him.
Oh.
Sounds like you robbed yourself, though.
Should have made a stink and gotten in there.
I could have just walked in.
He wasn't going to put hands on me or anything.
But I just.
We stood in the line. We did everything that was required of us. And he have just walked in. He wasn't going to put hands on me or anything, but I just we stood in the line. We did everything
that was required of us and he wasn't paying
attention. So wait, what about the people behind
you? They didn't vouch for us. I don't think
they spoke English.
So did those people go in? Yeah.
So you just got so mad
that you left? We did go
we left right. Oh, we saw those tortoises
fucking outside. Yeah, this guy kind
of owns you yeah no
no no because he wanted our patronage we would have bought something in there
that was a fun day yeah it was you were there
yeah but i don't know how this story never come out were you in the line
picked up nick and then jay were you in the line uh i was not i think i was uh
they had walked off We broke off.
What would you have done, Jay? Would you have helped
him out? Yeah, of course. My guys?
We all got back together for... Oh, are we going to
run Zoo Crew back out here? Yeah, we'll have to.
I got a membership. Lincoln Park Zoo's free.
Brookfield. Brookfield's
very good. Lincoln Park is free.
Are you guys trying to roll? I'll go.
I'll go. Can I join the zoo?
Can I join the Zoo Crew? You gotta have zoo guy. Can I join the zoo crew?
You got to have a kid or be me.
I got a ton of guest passes, boys.
Let's go.
Let's zoo crew it up.
Can I join the zoo crew?
Yes.
If we get in situations like that, though, I'm going to side with the guy.
Why?
Because it's funny for me.
What if you were standing in line with me?
Yeah, I'd be like, no, he just cut the whole line.
That'd be funny for me. You were standing in line with me. Yeah, I'd be like, no, he just cut the whole line. That'd be funny for me.
But
if that's a deal breaker, I won't join the
zoo crew. I'm going to say
this. You can be in the
zoo crew if you'll be on
Team Brandon should a problem ever arise.
That could be
a, what if you fall into a gorilla?
The gorilla and monkey
exhibit at the Marshall Zoo is the zoo. And I got to get you out.
The zookeeper turns to you, Dan, and says, do we shoot this gorilla or not?
And you're like, fuck.
If a gorilla tries to seduce you, we're going to let it have you.
And I'll be like, listen, man, I know he's fat, but don't call him a gorilla.
Also, a murdered gorilla is the reason you're a millionaire.
Yeah.
Well, partially.
Yeah.
Play the role. Run it back. It's helped. Play the hits. Yeah. Well, partially. Yeah. Play the role.
Run it back.
It's helped.
Play the hits.
Yeah.
We could dangle Brandon.
No deal.
How about you're not in the zoo crew?
Are you the president of the zoo crew?
He is.
I'm not.
I think me and Shay started as co-presidents.
Shay had the membership. Can I be in the zoo crew? We put the group together. Brandon's been in Shea started as co-presidents. Shea had the membership.
Can I be in the zoo?
We put the group together.
Brandon's been in the zoo several times with me.
Yeah.
I've been four or five times.
But is it your zoo crew?
I'm the...
Whose zoo crew is it?
Who started the group?
We started the group together.
He had the membership.
Someone had to have started the zoo crew.
We started the group.
What do the first five minutes look like when we go to a zoo?
It's a zoo you've never been to before.
This isn't a...
I'm not talking about a... It's a great question go to a zoo? It's a zoo you've never been to before. I'm not talking about a particular zoo.
It's just any zoo.
What do those first five minutes look like?
I think you just go to the first exhibit, whatever it is laid out in front of you.
Go to that first exhibit, and then you might decide,
oh, well, now I want to go straight to the lions.
I don't think you want to see something really exciting at first
because you don't want it to be your best thing.
Go see a meerkat.
Go see a peacock.
It's a good starter. Penguins are a good starter i think uh yeah reptile exhibit
yeah unless you i think that's last it's an easy walk through though i think like uh the great apes
are last the lion how long are we staying in that fucking the bird thing where it's like way too
humid zero seconds one one decent little walk through. Not a brisk walkthrough, but not a slow one either.
All right, what about snacks?
I will stop frequently.
How frequently?
If we need to stop, we'll stop.
Like, for example, at the Turtleback Zoo, we saw a couple of exhibits.
Then we had a snack, a couple more exhibits.
They wanted a snow cone.
Okay?
Snow cone stop.
When you stomped off, did you do it real sassy?
No, I didn't.
Did I?
No, but you grabbed one of your...
Tommy?
Other.
Okay.
And then you said, we're out of here, or something like that.
Like, you tugged him.
Yeah.
Che, were you getting feisty, or just...
He wasn't there.
I wasn't there.
We had kids broke off.
Oh, you broke off into groups.
Some kids want to see certain exhibits.
Some kids don't want to see.
So, yeah.
Those kids are younger than mine.
How about this?
I'll be part of the zoo crew.
I don't care if you're part of the zoo crew or not.
Oh, my God.
I want to be part.
You have to decide if you want to be part.
I want to be part.
Right.
But I wanted to also say.
You've got to be nice to Brandon Walker.
I will be nice to Brandon Walker to a point. but here's, okay, we just need to come up
with a safety word.
So if there is actually something that like, hey, you actually have to have my back, you
get one safety word or zoo trip.
Algonquin.
All right.
That's fair, right?
I'm in an argument with the guy who won't let us in the reptile.
Yeah, and I'm backing that guy up.
I'm like, yeah, this guy's fucking, he's staying Algonquin, Algonquin.
And then I'd be like, yeah, Hey, uh, reptile guy, go fuck yourself.
I'll put an iguana up your ass.
That's good.
Okay.
All right.
We need, we needed to know when you transition from fussy to angry.
Correct.
Cause fussy Brandon's funny.
Like actually, I'm not f not fussy in these settings normally.
That was just one example.
Yeah, and I genuinely love you, and I consider you a very good friend.
Sure.
Like, if it ever got to the actual point that I needed to defend you.
You're signing with the other person.
No, no, I'm there.
Okay.
To that point.
But all the points leading up to the actual, hey, I need your help.
Yeah.
I would like to be on the other guy's side.
Okay.
Fair enough. I think that's actually
the perfect explanation of
friendship.
You guys are preparing
for everything. All the moments leading up to
when you really need a friend, you want your friend to
be busting your balls, but then when it really actually
is like, hey, I'm there.
Including, I will kill
a gorilla for you. Bare hands?
I wouldn't ask you to kill a gorilla.
If it comes down to me or the gorilla, let me go.
No.
Brandon, no way.
No shot.
They're right.
We could make so much money off it.
Okay, fair.
Although you would probably have to go into hiding.
Don't you think if I die, if a gorilla killed me,
you could make money off me too?
No, I don't think so.
If a gorilla mauled me to death?
Your head's not looking good on a tie-dye.
We might be able to make money off the gorilla,
being like finally someone took him down.
Team gorilla.
Yeah.
Would you put the gorilla in this chair on the yak?
He'd be hired.
Dave would hire him.
Dave would hire him.
Dave would hire him for sure.
Wake up, gorilla.
This sandwich is just too much.
This is insane.
Should we tell him we're not hungry when he finds us?
I was going to request a slice of pepperoni, a slice of provolone,
just roll them up together, no bread.
Why they change colors?
Half jardiniere, half.
I will say that's a little too much razzle-dazzle on top for me.
The peppers.
Yeah, I don't need all that either.
Just a few is fine.
That looks fantastic.
It looks good.
Does the nation of Italy, like, what do they think about New Jersey?
Oh, good question.
Not really, but.
No, I think that is a good question.
Oh, because it's like.
Do they, like.
Like, are they aware?
Oh, he's botching.
They hold him in a low regard, or do they not even think about that?
I bet they don't even think about him.
There's no that anywhere else.
There's no that for America anywhere.
Like, imagine if there was a little part of Japan where it was just a bunch of, like...
There is.
Really?
There's these Japanese gang that, like, emulate greaser culture, and they have these giant
pompadours.
Oh, is that uh the
yakuza uh no no okay no that's a dangerous gang okay god forbid i think god forbid it's there's
such an outlier when it comes to like u.s places states regions yeah although you have it in
different places like there's like they're so aggressively proud of
Italian heritage
Right
And a lot of them are not fully Italian anymore
So
But they just keep that
Yeah I don't know
I don't know what Italian
Actual Italians think of Jersey
Right
Yeah
And will that like
Will there be
300 years from now
Will that like That has to slowly disappear, right?
Because you become assimilated.
Every generation becomes more and more assimilated.
Jersey's never going to change.
I don't think they're budging.
You don't think so?
You think they're getting stronger?
They're getting, yeah, they're getting stronger,
dumber, more erratic.
You think, like, when somebody from Jersey goes to Italy, they, like, kind of turn it back? Do you think like when a person from jersey goes to italy they
like kind of turn it back they do you think they play it timid i think it's like the sopranos
episode they're extremely underwhelmed no i follow joe judice from real housewives this is a really
good person to and he got deported back to italy from north jersey um racketeering or something
like that and he is like still full out like, hey, he's still like very.
No, but he was from Italy.
I mean, when he was a little, little kid.
I thought he lived there for a while.
Oh, I don't know.
He speaks very like he doesn't have an accent.
He doesn't like.
Was he on the yak?
No, you're no.
No, you're thinking of his buddies.
No, you're thinking of his brother in law.
Yes.
Wait, really? Yeah. OK. You're thinking of his buddies. No, you're thinking of his brother-in-law. Yes. Wait, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
You're thinking of...
One of them was.
Joe, what's his other Joe?
Motivational posts.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's going to make me nuts.
Married to Melissa.
Melissa's husband.
Yeah, Gorga.
Gorga.
Gorga, yeah.
Atta boy.
Wow, Max.
Atta boy.
You dog. Oh, shit, Max.
You dog.
Oh, my God.
Let me.
Was it fun?
Why don't we do this, Max?
Why don't you bring it back, and then if people want to eat, they can go eat it so we don't eat it in the mic.
These are great.
I just got yelled at from Brandon Walker for saying it was taken too long.
No, show the.
That's not true at all.
Show the camera.
Making an executive decision to save the yak listeners. This is the. Wait, it's not true at all. Go to the camera. Making an executive decision to save the yak, listeners.
This is the...
Wait, it's not the right camera.
This one is just Jardinac.
I'd just like to say I didn't yell at him.
I said the cinnamon in the yak is beginning to become what's taking so long.
That's all.
All right, so whoever wants to...
First round of people who want to go eat some, go.
You look like you were in paradise.
That was the first time I've ever seen you, I think, truly happy.
Yeah, you look.
I think he hates his job otherwise.
Che, do I need to knock out this ad?
Not for like 30 more minutes.
Okay.
Go eat some, Brandon.
I will eventually.
You want me to go now?
Yes, you and Kate go.
What are they planning?
No, nothing.
You're the eaters on the show.
Nothing.
You guys are the eaters.
We're all eaters.
You're the eaters on the show. You guys are the eaters. We're all eaters.
You're the eaters on the show. You guys are the most likely.
That's true.
I get true.
I know hand up.
I have a problem with it.
100% most likely you know Mike.
But I'm okay right now.
I'm not super hungry.
No, go.
What if the sandwich was here?
You'd be eating it.
Yeah, no.
I'm sorry.
You would be too.
Y'all can't say somebody is the eater on the show and then bring them food.
That's not fair.
Why wouldn't we bring the eater food?
Well, yeah, but you say, like.
It's no attack.
All right, I'm going to go eat.
I do want to.
I'm getting lightheaded.
I need to go eat.
All right, so what was the plan?
Were you in Zoom crew?
Kate is, yeah.
He's got a testiness to him today.
Yeah, he does.
He did hurt himself on Mostly Sports this morning.
What do you mean?
I'll show you the clip.
Oh, no.
A podcasting injury?
Like.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Why did he do that?
Emulating Caitlin Clark.
I think he was trying to say Caitlin Clark flops.
Oh.
You got the late. That wasops oh that was wild that was
wild i think we got the goes all out before yeah who won the debate between you and white socks
state uh we won yeah we uh mark blutman reached out to the guy who wrote the movie what and uh
the guy wrote the movie said it's a rom-com a raunchy comedy yes it's an r-rated comedy
r-rated yeah i've-rated comedy, yeah.
I've never seen the film.
She gets cum in her hair and it becomes erect.
Is that... That's a piece of it.
That's raunchy.
Very.
Brett Favre's in it.
What?
Yeah.
I watched it for the first time last night.
I was like, what the fuck is Brett Favre doing in this?
Yeah.
It was great.
I think there's too much the rom-com thing.
There are true rom-coms and then there are dude rom-coms.
As a dude, I don't want to watch fucking Sleepless in Seattle.
Oh, I do.
I want to watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or Knocked Off or I Love You, Man or something like that.
I don't think we have to bash a rom-com.
I think it could be heavy comedy and still be a rom-com.
Okay.
That's a good point.
Some are romantic first, some are comedy first.
I think dude-coms are different.
I wish rom-coms existed still.
They don't.
We don't get them.
I love rom-coms.
I didn't see that Sidney Sweeney one.
Was that a rom-com?
Yeah.
They don't make movies for 12 year
olds anymore no school of rock like those type of movies oh the last fun just like for kids it's
like animated purely very kiddy oh if right now imaginary friend maybe i'm just not hit what's
that yeah it's uh ryan reynolds and maybe we're just not maybe these guys are not the eaters
they're having the time of their life yeah look how naturally look at them we're just not the eaters they're having the time of their life yeah
look how naturally look at them they're just yeah talking it up oh my god the sandwich is so good
oh it's this is great what you've been doing to me I was so I already ate lunch but I'm gonna eat
another one that's this is a the movie that's no that Kitty. Because that's like a Barney type creature.
It's a puppet.
What's the last movie that was put out that wasn't meant to be like award winning?
Everybody wants to win awards now.
Or a blockbuster.
Any movie that John Cena's in?
Okay.
Yeah.
Unfrosted?
Unfrosted, yeah.
But that's like straight to Netflix, is it not?
Yeah, that was straight to Netflix.
I don't know what's going on in the theaters right now.
I think the box office
is having a bad time. Garfield prequel?
I think they're struggling. I think that's kind of
the messaging out of Hollywood. The Hollywood insiders
I talk to, at least, in the group
chat were telling me that
it's just not a great summer right now.
Yeah, we don't have a summer blockbuster. Yeah, no blockbusters
really set up. Wow. Barbie and
Oppenheimer last year. Everybody's demanding these original
IPs, no more sequels, but then nobody goes to see
them.
No one sees them.
But we're about to get some good series.
House of Dragon, The Bear, all coming out.
Yeah, this has nothing to do with the box office.
I don't care.
I'm saying, series are kicking the box office.
You're right.
Series are better than ever.
TV's the new movie.
Yeah.
We need the box office back.
I know.
Let's go to a movie.
I'm trying to get a Garfield crew together
I would get
Yeah yeah
Let's go see it
Yeah
Or Furiosa
What's that?
That's the Mad Max prequel
Yeah I think that one
Is that one not doing so hot?
It's not doing hot
Yeah
Everybody loves it
The first one was awesome
Was that Fury Road?
Yeah
It's fucking awesome
Yeah I don't know
Oh these are the guys
That's the Japanese Greaser
Oh this is awesome Look at that fucking pompadour dude Holy shit Yeah It's fucking awesome. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, these are the guys. That's the Japanese greaser.
Oh, this is awesome.
Look at that fucking pompadour, dude.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
These guys just hang out and pretend to be not Americans of today,
Americans of 50 years ago?
Yeah.
I kind of respect it.
I love it.
They got switchblades and everything.
They're always combing. What a shadow.
Oh.
Yeah, I mean, they couldn't.
They're so perfect for each other as the eaters of the yak. I can't believe they objected to the idea of being eaters.
It's crazy right now.
We might never see them again.
No, there's.
They might just sit right there and just eat.
Yeah, them.
Whoa.
Hey, now.
Oh.
God damn.
Oh, we got some new thumbnails coming?
Yep.
Can we see them?
Yep.
Ooh.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Kyle.
Kyle.
What's that movie?
That's Lost in Translation.
Oppenheimer with the wheel behind it
Nice
Whoa
Back one
Okay
Wait Kyle You have the same exact face as AJ in the far left?
Brandon really fits in.
Yeah, that looks like a man.
Well, he does, I think, in real life.
Jesus, the graphics team hates me.
There you are.
You didn't even get Ron Weasley?
No, I didn't.
No.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Good job, my graphics team Great job
Mook you've been a few
You've been the main thumbnail a couple times
You were yesterday
I don't think so
Oh did I get ham porter
No Brandon did
By the way Oh No Brandon did it. Jesus.
By the way, uh... Oh, we still got a...
They went crazy
with these. Look at Steven Geret.
What's that? Oh, I got the girl. There you go.
Oh, there you go. Yes. Me and Kate.
Oh,
hell yeah, Titus. Oh, that's
awesome. Mook, you got the sandwich. Oh, I got the sandwich.
Yeah. Alright. Alright. Oh, damn's awesome. Mook, you got the sandwich. Oh, I got the sandwich. Yeah. All right. All right.
Oh, damn.
They went crazy.
That is awesome.
Oh, Kyle.
There's Cooler.
Oh, dude.
Oh, my God.
That one's cool.
Mad Max.
Oh.
Oh, and that's it.
We'll get a new Thomas.
Very good work.
How did it go, Eater?
It was very good.
Really good.
The oil, the vinegar.
I didn't like the tomatoes or the lettuce.
Yeah.
But it was really good.
He put a lot of care into it.
You got tomatoes out there.
He was slicing the tomatoes.
By the way, update on Dude Fest.
We've added another event.
We're going to have a...
Oh, yeah, the juggler.
Yeah.
I can't believe we never had him as a fella.
Is he too big?
He's a fella's fella.
Oh, the AppleBody guy?
Yeah, he only has like 2,400 followers on Instagram.
Whoa.
Yeah.
We're going to do a topless contest, but it's for Coolest Scar.
Oh.
Oh, fuck, yeah for Coolest Scar. Oh, fuck yeah.
That's awesome.
No surgeries.
Oh, I didn't think about that.
It has to be in the field of battle.
Have you guys seen an open heart surgery scar?
Yeah, those are metal.
Yeah, but they'd win.
Maybe we have a surgery division.
I wanted to be in battle.
You said pregnant.
I wanted to open a tattoo shop where you could go get scars.
Like we have a shark that's like you slowly close its mouth on like your leg
and you can get a real shark bite, but it's contained.
I like that.
Inhumane.
Yeah, scar shop.
A bullet wound.
A bullet wound would be cool.
They graze your arm.
I would love to get like the sword bad guy one over the eye.
That's my dream.
The Scarface eyebrow.
Oh, my God.
That would be cool.
All different types of bites.
Who's Steven talking to?
Soccer goalie.
Oh.
Is she going to do the gauntlet or is she going to be in the goal in the gauntlet?
I think she's doing the gauntlet.
Okay.
Malasek's going to do...
Malasek was in my dream last night.
What kind of dream was it?
You bend him over?
Was it a witch?
No, it was bad.
It was bad that he was in my dream.
It wasn't bad what happened in the dream.
The dream was just him in my office,
and I had to be like,
dude, what's your problem?
Are you depressed?
Do you want to be here? But just the fact that he was in my dream bothered me he's gonna love that yeah he did I told him he was so pumped yeah that's a big moment for him
but it feels like I have to now have that talk with him being like are you depressed he's not
he's as good as he could be given his circumstance He said he doesn't have bad days. I was like, well, what
about last week? He's like, that wasn't
a bad day. I think it rolls off of him.
Got a little chay to him. Yeah, he does
have some chay qualities.
Do we work with any employees that you're not too close
with that have ever drunken
FaceTimed you?
I've never been FaceTimed.
You definitely have, right? Had to have.
I remember when I first started, somebody did it to you.
Really?
But it was like they were in sales.
And they were like hanging out with buddies.
Oh, there was that West Coast sales guy that we ended up,
I think he's not here anymore.
Yeah.
What did he do?
It was just one Saturday night.
You got like a FaceTime, like 11 or 12.
And then he like texted me something being like, pick up.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Was that the bar?
And he was like, I know Big Cat.
Or part of it.
I don't even remember why I had his number.
Because he was a West Coast sales guy.
I remember that.
Yeah.
That was early in one of the first Yaks.
Yeah.
That one was weird.
What did he want or need? Just show his friends that you're Big Cat. Oh, that was weird. What did he want or need?
Just show his friends in your big cat.
That was weird.
I don't think I've ever dreamed about any of you.
Oh, I dream about you guys a lot.
I feel confident I haven't dreamed about you.
I dream about this show a good amount.
Really?
Dream?
Like bad dreams.
Nightmares.
Wake up sweating.
Fuck.
Where do you wake up? I'm like, fuck, that joke didn't land. where do you wake up
like fuck that joke didn't land
where do you wake up
on your couch
couch
majority of the time
yeah
I've been couching
what uh
Nick you dream about us
oh yeah I dream
yeah I have vivid dreams
like every night
about us
yeah about
yeah just about like
people in my life
and I see you guys
more than anybody
what do you do
what are you doing to us
it's usually like just like we're running from something or like we're the a lot of
times like we're like looking at an open house i don't know i have weird dreams like that i've
been doing the uh the tart cherry juice before bed heard one it's been giving you crazy dreams
what is that what is this swear by it yeah it just helps you fall asleep instead it gives me
really vivid dreams you're trying to get on the tart trip right now? Dude, I've been tart. I've been
tarting. You've been tarted up? Yeah, I've been
tart and then I'll re-tart if
I wake up.
And yeah, it's been good.
I wouldn't, I don't
want vivid dreams. I kind of do.
Really? Yeah.
My most frustrating thing is waking up in the morning and
not being able to remember my dream.
When you're super exhausted, you close your eyes and you open, it's already morning.
I hate that.
That's the best.
Oh, that's the best.
Yeah.
What are you?
I think I'm just, yeah, I don't like being conscious.
I want to dream.
Yeah.
But dreaming, I never have, like, just good dreams.
I'm always stressful.
I'm a good athlete.
Right.
I get buckets.
Hell of a situation.
Do you have sports dreams?
Oh, I get basketball dreams. I play high school football sometimes in my dreams. I play high school baseball in my situation. Do you have sports dreams? Oh, I get basketball dreams.
I play high school football sometimes in my dreams.
I play high school baseball in my dreams.
What body are you in?
Are you an old man?
No, I'm in my 18-year-old prime.
Yeah.
Just ready to dominate.
I got eight points in like 30 seconds the other night in basketball.
That's not too bad, man.
Two threes and a dunk.
That's pretty good.
People were like, wow, he can still dunk.
So I guess I was old.
I had a softball dream two nights ago, and I was throwing the ball,
and then I woke up, and my shoulder was just like over my body.
Do you guys suck now?
Yeah, we're suck.
You lost?
Vibes are low.
By a lot.
Team is falling apart.
Why?
We had a stretch where we had a game, and then it got rained out,
and then we had a game, and it got rained out.
We have no momentum right now.
But you had an early schedule that was easy,
and now you're playing real teams.
We could have beat that team last night.
Maybe J-Team the five move.
We just didn't hit.
We didn't hit.
Who is not hitting?
The bats were not alive.
Who is not hitting?
Malasek was player of the game.
Malasek went two for two.
Who is not hitting?
I didn't hit. I'm not a bad team. Now SEC went two for two. Who is not hitting? I didn't hit.
I'm not a bad team.
Have you,
did you not hit
or have you not been hitting?
In this game,
I did not hit.
What about the game before?
I hit.
Three for three last game.
Did Mook hit last night?
Three for three last game.
One for two.
Oh, for two last game.
So when you guys get out,
are you dictating
where the,
like,
I'm going to hit it
to left field?
I just hit it
as hard as I can. The teams we play against that have beat us are choosing where to hit it to left field? I just hit it as hard as I can.
The teams we play against that have beat us are choosing where to hit it.
They know exactly how to hit it where they want to.
Well, at least you guys didn't strike out.
I struck out.
TJ did strike out last time.
Oh, no.
I knew that.
We were playing a team.
That's mean.
I knew that.
Well, I was shocked when I heard that.
TJ, you struck out last time?
I struck out.
TJ, looking, swinging, or foul third pitch?
Swinging, yeah.
To a dude with a GoPro on his head.
The guy was wearing a GoPro?
No, TJ.
He's about to be on TikTok with him.
TJ, is that true?
No.
He's doing the Trevor Bauer POVs.
Yeah, I heard that, and I was like, oh, no.
We played a hard-o team last night where it was like all righties,
but they were trying to hit it to right field.
And it was just like, you guys are doing way too much.
So that's frowned upon to not try.
Why don't you just put two field?
You have four outfielders.
We didn't adjust.
They were able to hit it over our heads if we backed up
and in front of us if we came in.
Put a short.
How do you guys?
Are they undefeated?
Hey, maybe that's puck.
Maybe we got to get a better coach in there.
What's your outfield alignment?
Just four.
That's stupid.
Left center.
Yeah, you got to have a guy.
You got to have a guy short.
We need a rover.
We need a rover.
Yeah, you guys have to have a guy short.
That way you can't do that.
Come coach us up.
We got playoffs next week.
We're in shambles.
Wait, you're three?
You have a playoff next week?
Everyone gets into the playoffs.
We had like three games rained out.
Yeah.
And it's playoffs?
What seed are you? I have no idea.
No clue. Well, I don't think I want to
be involved in this losing franchise.
It's a dumpster fire right now.
I would love to do 16-inch. I know, I want
to. We've got to sign up.
All right.
And I say we've got to just find someone to sign us up.
Yep.
Che?
Che's going to get us in a crazy lead.
Yeah, Che's over there holding court.
Look at him.
He's nodding.
Yeah, yeah.
Malasek's in the group.
That's exactly how soccer goes.
Look at that Malasek hip swing.
Oh, yeah.
What is Malasek's stance?
A ball swing, I think.
He's thrusting.
What is his stance?
Like a gorilla at the zoo.
Did they ask for Malasek?
Did they ask for a circle like this?
I don't know But why is Malasek in it?
And I don't know which one
I guess the goalie is
Is it a goalie to goalie thing?
But I don't think Malasek has talked to her yet
I think he's just kind of observing
She's a Bridgeport, Connecticut basketball player
She might do pretty
well. Bridgeport?
What does that mean? What did that mean at all?
I just Googled her to make sure
I had something to say.
We thought saying Bridgeport, Connecticut
basketball player.
Oh, she's a...
It's like a Los Angeles Laker.
It means she's a good athlete.
The hockey
or the soccer goalie is a good athlete.
That's just where she grew up.
Doesn't Bridgeport like basketball city?
No.
What?
It's a lot of gang violence.
Fuck it, I'll join you.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, you know what?
You got some hoop.
Fuck it, Bridge.
I can no longer watch.
I'm joining your side.
Yeah, you know, like New York point guards, Bridgeport small forwards.
It's a thing.
Well, who would think Indiana's basketball town?
Yeah, right.
Basketball town.
No gauntlet for guests.
You ever see on the highway driving down to Indianapolis that guy with the giant corn silos that's like Mr. Basketball in 1952?
Rick Mount.
Yeah, Lebanon.
He has like a huge – have you guys seen it?
No.
Off the highway?
Yeah.
He has like a massive barn, like this mega silo,
and it still says Mr. Basketball.
1966, I believe.
1966.
Mr. Basketball, first ever high school athlete to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Oh, wow.
Rick Mount, yeah.
Now he's got a big advertisement for his.
Yeah, played at Purdue.
That's about all I got on Rick Mount.
That's me talking sports.
I want a bunch of old Sports Illustrateds.
I hadn't got them in a while.
Are you asking for people to send you stuff?
No, I could buy them off eBay easily.
One time in 2004, I had a wall of them.
I had them laminated up on the wall, and then I moved out of the house,
and I never built it again.
I want to build it again.
Takes a lot of effort, though.
A lot of good old Sports Illustrateds.
Do you have a favorite ever story from them?
I don't really care.
I used to go straight to Rick Riley
Right
Five or
Do you have a favorite sports article
Of all time? I do
Oh
Well first of all Gary Smith is the best sports writer ever
But my favorite is probably
When Your Dream Dies
By Rick Riley
It's about Kenny Wilcoxon who tried to kill himself.
Oh.
You actually had an answer to that.
That's crazy.
I did.
I think you wrote about it in 1994.
It might have been a little bit later,
but Rick Riley wrote it about when your dream dies
on a refrigerated day in Walnut, Illinois.
Yeah.
Wow.
Maybe that shouldn't have been my answer.
What's the last article you've read i read
articles all the time nice i just bought a book the other day about a murder in mississippi in
1948 cool yeah yeah it's not a pleasant book sure do you remember when you gave up on rick riley
as soon as he got to espn it was just different it was tried for a couple it was like two months
maybe and it just wasn't the same.
And I don't know how it flipped that quickly where he went from being my
favorite person to read to me being like,
I don't ever want to read anything he's ever written again.
Do you remember?
Did y'all give up on him?
Probably about that, yeah.
I mean, he got the bag from ESPN.
And then it was just over immediately.
Yeah.
I remember the ESPN magazine.
I tried to give it a shot for a little
bit y'all remember getting a sports illustrator like on thursday or friday turning to the back
page oh yeah it was the life of riley is my favorite book that i own and then hate mail
from cheerleaders is pretty good but it's not as good as the life of riley titus hoff and you get
a check from your book uh i think quarterly. That's pretty good. Ever a pleasant surprise?
Yeah, yeah.
I never expect them to come.
It's not like crazy money, but it's like...
Yeah.
If we boosted it, would it like...
Let's boost it.
Yeah.
Boost it.
Buy my book.
Yeah, that'd be sick.
Okay, cool.
Book.
Simple as that.
Yeah.
Like if...
No, don't...
No, actually, don't boost it.
Wait, you should do a book signing.
That would be devastating for me. Oh, you should do a book signing. If you bought my No, actually, don't boost it. Wait, you should do a book signing. That would be devastating for me.
Oh, you should do a book signing.
If you bought my book, actually, it would be devastating, and I would...
Yeah.
Have you ever thought of, like, re-releasing it, and Brandon could write, like, with a
new foreword by Brandon Walker?
We should do that.
A re-release on hardback.
Or maybe our erotica book is just in the back.
In the back.
Yeah, yeah.
With no context.
Seems like authors do a rerelease we should
host a book sign alternate ending alternate ending and it's the erotica my erotica chap yeah
yeah all right yeah i don't know no writing books is writing books is the move if you can for money
just like the passive income is just so. I dreamed of doing it for years.
Like the fact that I get checks.
Again, it's like not a lot, but I get beer money checks for work I did 15 years ago.
Yeah.
You know, I'm just still kind of trickles in every so often.
That's why you got to own real estate.
Yep.
I love that.
That's always the TikTok trend.
I talked to 10 random millionaires on the street and all of them said you got to buy real estate.
Let me just start doing.
Yeah, right.
It's like it almost seems like look is the better route if you don't have any.
Yeah.
They love saying God's not making any more land.
Right.
Right.
So buy it.
Take out a loan.
Take out another loan on your loan.
Yeah.
Scam PPE.
I never understand that. but I'm also.
I'm curious as to what Che is doing right now.
He's a big.
I'm just ignoring all of it.
I think we got to just ignore all of it.
I don't know what's going on.
I hope that we don't have.
I was about to say, I hope we don't have to.
I'm just going to stop talking.
Yeah.
There's one ad we have to do before they come in.
Okay, well, I don't know if they're coming in.
They might not be coming in because they're not doing the gauntlet.
Oh, they're not?
No.
That's what we got on the text.
No gauntlet for it.
Oh, pardon me.
Che is doing a really bad job of communicating with us.
Yeah, because he's rubbing elbows.
We need to get Che in here.
Steven. Che. Just a quick get Che in here. Steven.
Che.
Just a quick question.
Just you.
Just you.
Very good.
He's wearing a Red Stars shirt.
I know.
Okay.
I know.
Why are you fake running?
Hey, hey, hey, what, what, what the, what the fuck's going on?
I don't know.
There's, uh, we have a guest and I was, I just went out there to set up the gauntlet
and then...
She doesn't want to do it.
I think it's like an injury thing.
Okay.
So is she...
We'll have someone else do the gauntlet and she can watch.
That'll be it.
That's not...
And then we'll talk about their game at Wrigley.
So we should just do that?
I'm going to bring her...
Yeah.
Okay.
They have to sign like a whatever release form or something
like that why'd you point at me because you're a boss man you're you're a paperwork guy boss
i don't like this you're the boss yeah i know but what i've found is with being the boss is i have
to deal with everyone's problems it's great power are there a lot of problems going on right now
everyone has a problem really if you ever have to fire somebody, can I help?
Can I fire him?
Maybe.
You pretend he doesn't.
He does not have that at all.
We know the real you.
You're a teddy bear.
You wouldn't sleep.
I've fired somebody before.
Here?
No.
I've fired someone here.
It's horrible.
You fired somebody here?
Yes.
Who'd you fire here?
At operations a while ago. Oh, okay. Were they bad fired somebody here? Yes. Who'd you fire here? At operations a while ago.
Oh, okay.
Were they bad at their job?
Yes.
How'd you do it?
In person or?
Text.
I think it was over Zoom, but like HR's on it.
It's terrible.
Fire me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And really think about why you would fire him and everything.
Yeah. All right. yeah yeah and really think about why you would fire him and everything yeah all right um say he promoted a book that has nothing to do with barstool on a barstool program yeah all right
mark we've had this discussion um as i wrote you last month uh over email with hr copied you
were promoting a book on a barstool program that has a direct conflict of interest with barstool
you again did it it's my book i work for barstool you again did it today on we're not arguing that
we're you did it again today on mostly sports that's like an argument on the mark titus show
you've done it more times after being warned unfortunately hr is on the call right now. Bloop. They pop in. Wait, are you surprised?
Happy bloop.
That was suave.
Yeah.
As we discussed the first time, if you would continue to do this, we would have to make arrangements,
and we're going to have to let you go.
Today's your last day at Barstool.
For promoting my own work.
Yes.
Say you're going to kill yourself.
Yeah, I mean.
Say you're pregnant.
My wife is pregnant.
You're pregnant.
Congratulations.
And I'm also pregnant. And you're trans. You're a veteran. And I have. my wife is pregnant. You're pregnant. Congratulations. And I'm also pregnant.
And you're trans.
And you're trans.
And I have, and I, I piss my pants for this company.
I can't be hired anywhere else.
I can't get a job again.
This is it.
This is the only place I can work.
All right.
Next time you should heed the warnings better over email.
And I wish you nothing but the best in the future.
But you just kind of, the way you said that, next time you should do better,
but I wish you all the best of luck.
You kind of cut him with an insult before saying that part.
Okay.
Can't be too buddy-buddy.
No.
You got to get it done.
Rip the bandage.
That was the most normal I've ever seen.
Yes.
You should do that full time.
You should always think you're firing somebody.
Every time you talk to someone.
That was so tolerable.
You crushed it.
I would love to hang out with firing.
Yeah, that's the most I've ever liked talking to someone.
You can just always role play as a fire.
That was the most enjoyable conversation the two of us have ever had.
As he was firing me to my face.
That's fair.
All right, thanks guys.
Get back out there. Get back out there.
Get back out there and keep schmoozing.
Yeah, just keep, we don't care.
I've been in one of those mass layoffs on Zoom.
No way.
Yeah, for GoPuff.
It was me and a thousand people.
Were you delivering food on GoPuff?
No, I was in their accounting department.
Okay.
This is before I started a barstool after PWC,
but it's like the most chaotic thing in the world.
People are like turning their,
uh,
mutes on and off.
And then you just have like eight different HR people like feeding you
bullshit for 10 minutes.
And did you know it was coming?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We were,
I survived like three rounds of layoffs and then you kind of get like an,
uh,
email or like a notification put on your calendar.
Everyone else gets one, you start freaking out and then you lose access to like an email or like a notification put on your calendar. Everyone else gets one.
You start freaking out and then you lose access to your computer 10 minutes later.
I started sending reckless Slack messages to my boss.
Like saying, fuck you.
I was like, fuck this shit.
Like why?
How am I getting laid off in a thousand person Zoom meeting right now?
This is horseshit.
See, the thing is like because I remember when we had to lay people off in September, people were blasting us for it.
It's like, I don't know what you...
If it's 100 people...
It's the best way to do it.
Yeah, that's the only way to do it.
I would rather be laid off via email before I had commuted into work than show up at work, find out that people are getting fired fired and then be like i gotta wait all day and
hope i'm not one of them yeah right like i don't know i people just don't think about it logistically
they're like that's so inhumane it's like i don't understand how you could fire a mass quantity of
people in a regular way there there is no there's no way when i thought it sucks beyond belief
there's no way in the moment you're still beyond belief. There's no way. In the moment, you're still like, fuck this place, fuck everyone.
Of course.
But it's way better than like.
Imagine if you just sit in the office all day and it's just like one by one.
They just have like a 10 minute conversation with everyone.
We watch that in Hard Knocks.
It's the hardest Hard Knocks episode every year.
We did that here when I got word of like two people not getting renewed.
I had to go home.
I couldn't like, I don't want to say goodbye.
Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. want to say goodbye. Yeah, right.
Harder for us.
Yeah.
It's actually way worse for us.
Yeah, you should come up and say sorry to me.
Hey man, I'm sorry that I didn't get renewed.
You have the cardboard box of things.
But back to the original point,
being the quote-unquote boss,
you're just having to deal with so many people who just have problems.
Who is somebody that we wouldn't expect to have a lot of problems,
that has problems?
Wouldn't expect.
Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure.
You're surviving bar.
Hey, what's up?
Hello.
Hi, guys.
Hello.
Hi.
Still bullshit.
Go ahead, Nick, you do it. Hit this ad. Hi. Still bullshit. Go ahead, Nick.
You do it.
Hit the sad?
Yeah.
All right.
So the Chicago Red Stars are playing this Saturday, June 8th at Wrigley.
The game is on track to potentially break the league's attendance record.
Let's go.
We'll have some of our very own Chicago crew going.
Stephen Che will be one of them.
Big fan.
You all need to show up.
Soccer at Wrigley.
Let's break the record.
We're going to report back after the game. But if you don't live in Chicago, you've got to show up soccer at Wrigley let's break the record we're going to report back after the game
but if you don't live
in Chicago
you gotta get to the game
we have been hearing
how fun they are
check out the schedules
and buy some tickets
coming off that
we have Alyssa here
current Red Star
and US Women's
National Team goalie
to the show
alright
welcome
including the
FIFA Women's
World Cup Championships
and the bronze medal
at the Tokyo Olympics.
Welcome.
Thank you for coming.
Thanks for having me.
Of course.
What's up, Alyssa?
Wait, are you playing in the Olympics this year?
I hope so.
We find out the roster in a few weeks.
Oh.
But, yeah, we're all getting excited.
What's the numbers right now?
It's a small roster.
It's an 18-player roster, and they bring four alternates as well.
And how many are being floated right now
uh the most recent camp had 23 players in it with i think three or four training players so it's
usually like i think there's like a 50 player pool that they end up choosing from this actually we
were just talking about uh firings and how like how companies do it how do they let you know if
you made it or didn't
you usually will get a phone call there's like they'll they'll give you a set day of like hey expect you know expect a call on this day and then you're kind of just like anxiously waiting
by your phone because you don't know if it's going to come at 8 a.m or 8 p.m waiting so you're just
kind of like chilling call could mean either thing yeah the call could be you made it or you got cut
yeah it's typically cut or late call?
Do you want an early or late call?
Each coach has kind of done it a little bit differently,
so it's hard to kind of gauge some.
If I was a coach, I would do all the hard calls first.
Oh, I'd switch back and forth.
No way, no way, no way.
You're sick of it.
No way.
What did you forget?
You said the wrong news?
I ride the roller coaster all day. No way. Can you tell as soon as you say hello
if it's good or bad?
Sometimes you can.
My hair is all over the place right now.
Welcome to my world.
You guys don't have this problem.
I have hair.
Great volume today.
Wait, so you don't know... You don't need to have hair. Great volume today.
Wait, so you don't know... You don't need to have hair.
There we go.
Wait, so you don't always know if it's good or bad right away?
No.
I mean, sometimes you're just kind of holding your breath and you're waiting.
Would you do like 10 minutes of small talk first and really drag it out?
It has to be kind of fun.
What's new with you?
Anything new with the house? Yeah, right? You can have fun with it as a coach for sure. The good yeah it has to be kind of fun with you anything new with the house
yeah right yeah you can have fun with it as a coach for sure yeah the good call's got to be
fucking awesome yeah but i would bury the lead a little bit i think like hey yeah so you know
you're a great player yeah and you know that that's just cruel i would do i would just be like
so i just wanted to give you a call and just let you know that we had to make some hard decisions.
Psych, you made it.
Yeah.
And then I'd do the reverse, being like, you made it.
Come on.
I'm happy.
Double psych.
No way.
That's what I would have said.
Because you know what, though?
Honestly, if someone didn't make it and you called and you said they made it, they'll always have those 10 seconds.
I don't know.
I think the disappointment after the fact would.
You always have those 10 seconds.
I think they'd hate you forever.
Yeah, I don't know if you come back from that.
You gave them a great 10 seconds.
You can never take those 10 seconds away.
No, no.
Where do you have your bronze medal?
It is currently, it's not hanging.
I have it on a bookshelf in my living room.
You ever just throw it on?
Yeah, wear it out.
No, I should try it every once in a while.
Maybe I can go get some free drinks or something.
Is there an international camaraderie amongst goalies?
Like, are you tight with, like, say, the Ecuadorian goalie?
I don't know that there's like a,
I think there's like a mutual respect.
I think it's like, you know, that GK union,
we all just kind of,
it's the first person you go to after the game
and you find the opposing goalkeeper
and you just kind of give them a high five
and a hug and a shake.
Like it's kind of just like a very mutual respect
amongst kind of the crew of us.
Some of us have known each other
and have played against each other for a number of years.
So there's a little bit of a friendship there,
but whether you know the person or not i think
there's just a general camaraderie and a respect level i remember tim howard had a goal one time
when he booted the ball down the field it was very windy it blew into the goal he scored on a
drop yeah that was insane and tim howard would not celebrate and when asked about it he said
i've been in that like oh yeah the other goalie shoes back yeah that's that's
celebrate if you gotta go too much respect yes you have to go crazy you have to and then you
could just be like i respect the other goalie but also i mean i gotta go she should respect me
our soccer goalies is a clear psycho of the team because like like hockey goalies are
catchers are in baseball you
can say centers are in football okay is it like who's the why it's like like it's a like a hockey
goal is per example like you got to be a psycho to take those they're typically friendless people
yeah right like you kind of got to be a psycho to take shots coming you know 80 90 miles an hour at
you yeah i think we definitely do have a bit of a reputation of being a little bit crazy.
Something's off.
To have to stand back there.
But I like to think of myself as a relatively normal individual.
But no, I think there's definitely that little something that you have to take.
She leaves here and hops on her unicycle.
Yeah.
Normal.
It's a respectful cycle, though, because it's more like you're doing something that not
everyone wants to do.
Yeah, most people don't even want to come close to it.
You also get blamed for everything, right?
Like when things go wrong, like it's all your fault because you're the one that let the goals in.
Every once in a while, yeah.
It's kind of a thankless position at times, but then you also can be—
Well, you wear the flashier uniform on the team.
And you get to wear gloves.
You get to wear gloves.
That's why I wanted to do it.
And you get to use your hands.
I know.
Have you guys seen J.J. Watt
trying to be a goalkeeper lately
and all this stuff?
It's been very, very fun.
He's doing great.
Yeah, well, yeah.
He's doing great.
I mean, he's a big dude, so.
It's kind of bullshit
that he's doing that
because, like,
a professional athlete
just doing another sport
is like, yeah, no shit,
you're good at it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like, hey, I'm J.J.,
watch me dunk.
Yeah, he's athletic.
Big surprise.
Oh, man, I can't believe he's good at that. Then again, Nick, I'm JJ. Watch me dunk. Yeah, he's athletic. Big surprise. Oh, man.
I can't believe he's good at that.
Then again, Nick, you're not.
But you were a good goalie.
Oh, yeah?
Oh.
Oh, you got to see this.
They all hit my chest.
Nick made one of the greatest hockey saves you've ever seen in your life.
Yeah, my first time I ever ice skated.
Yeah.
You couldn't tell.
No.
People were trying to say that was off the crossbar.
I disagree. I thought it hit the stick. It hit the stick, didn't it? It hit trying to say that was off the crossbar. I disagree.
I thought it hit the stick.
It hit the stick, didn't it?
It hit the stick.
Maybe it hit the crossbar.
Do corner kicks suck?
If it's a windy day, they're not necessarily very fun.
Yeah.
But, no, I think it's great.
I mean, it's any type of, like, there's always strategy to it.
Each team does it differently.
Like, you defensively set up differently.
So it's like a bit of a chess match, which kind of makes it fun.
Yeah.
Would you say you use your mind or your guts more on a penalty kick?
Both.
50-50.
Cop out, cop out.
No, no, no.
Pick one.
I think the mind stuff is before, and then, like, the moment is the guts.
It's like you kind of do all the pre-work, you do all the mind work,
you do all of that, and then you just kind of gotta zone out black out
whatever you gotta do and fall back and then at that point it's just guts kick in and you gotta
do what you gotta do yeah so you were in all right here's here's nick
you didn't see this, Mook? No.
All that gear that you guys have to wear, though, is intense.
Yeah, we do.
You guys.
Look at these saves.
That one hit the chest, and that one went in.
All right.
Oh, good crouch.
That was a good crouch.
What's the dinging?
Is that every time you get hit?
Yeah, I think so.
Oh, he's on fire.
I'm on fire.
That one just... I didn't have to move for that one.
That one I did have to move for.
Oh, oh.
Here it comes.
Oh!
Wow.
It may have been a crossbar.
That was impressive.
I don't think I've ever laughed harder.
What a performance.
And then I just tore my groin.
All right, well, you're going to have to watch our goalie go
because someone's going to do the gauntlet.
Okay.
Yeah, maybe some pointers.
He takes himself seriously.
He is attempting to be an Olympian as well.
Okay.
He's very far off.
For the Czech Republic.
Okay.
He's a goalie for the Czech Republic lacrosse team.
He's actually just as close.
No, it's not.
I'll put it in perspective.
He's just as close as being an Olympic goalie for the Czech Republic in lacrosse
as I am to being the women's goalie for the US team.
Yeah.
They have to make it.
Okay.
Oh, no.
Put on the gloves.
Get ready.
Put on the gloves, buddy.
You went two for two last night.
Hey, remember we had this talk.
You're good.
Okay.
All right.
You want to spin and just see who wants to go?
He can't even fake happiness.
I'm really bummed for him.
He's good.
He's good.
He's good.
But he is happy.
He just can't exude happiness.
I don't know, man.
Don't put Kate on there.
Her back is broken.
Brendo.
I haven't seen you do it in a minute.
It's like...
Am I doing it by myself or is somebody else going to do it too?
Just one or just...
We could do two.
You want to do two?
I don't care.
Being on the national team, just immense pressure at all times it feels like you
guys are in a can't win situation well actually you could win if you win that would be a win true
but uh like it feels like a bronze medal might be a disappointment when like that should be
awesome in a celebration but you're so good like the history of that that program do you feel like
an immense pressure i do i think there's definitely a lot of pressure.
I think the bar has been set so high
just for so long over the course of so many years.
But I think that's all part of it.
I think that's what makes it so much fun
is there are such high expectations
and the pressure is there.
And the pressure makes it...
They always say you earn that pressure.
It's like you want to have it. you want to go into it with those expectations
um and obviously the goal is to always get gold medal stand on the podium at the end of it um
obviously we're happy to go with a bronze medal at the end of the day and and still be able to
medal at an olympic, which is obviously incredible.
But yeah, I hope we have another shot at it going
this summer. It's going to be great.
Do you fuck with Hope Solo?
I haven't talked to her for a bit, but
obviously I played with her and trained with her for a long time.
Yeah. She was a dog.
Alex Morgan.
Yeah, Alex and I have known each other. We played
with the U20s together way back when.
Who's the goat? Who's the GOAT?
Who's the consensus?
Is it Mia Hamm?
Is she the GOAT?
I think, yeah, those two for sure are in the mix, I think.
Is that what we consider?
Yeah, I think they are legends of the game for sure.
All right, Brandi, ready?
Let's go.
You got this, Brandon.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Very nice of you, Brandon. Jake, this, Brandon. Good luck. Good luck. Very nice of you, Brandon.
Jake, this is big.
This is big, man.
This is big.
Don't fuck this up.
You represent all goalies, Jake.
I don't think I've ever played goalkeeper in jeans before.
Yeah, you have.
The Czech team plays in jeans.
Yeah.
All right, Brandon.
Ready?
Set.
Go. He's off. Oh, God. Come right, Brandon, ready, set, go.
He's off.
Oh, God.
Come on, Brandon.
No, Brandon.
To the right.
All right, here we go.
Oh, he's getting his ass beat.
Does speed matter in this?
Yes.
Yes.
Oh.
Okay.
Do the different colors have different point values?
Not at all.
He just has to get one.
He's just got to get one.
Oh, Jake. Did you get it? one. He's got to get one.
Oh, Jake! Get it?
Wow.
What is half bad?
You would have stopped that.
Oh!
Oh!
He's stranded.
Yeah, he's doing well.
His boxer.
Oh, jeez.
He's wearing a very short shirt today.
Yeah.
It's mine.
Is it?
Yeah.
Dainty mode.
He could go for a record here.
Dainty mode.
Break.
Because he's going to be good at squircle.
Go, Brandon.
Go, Brandon.
Oh, no.
Come on, Brandon.
Squircle.
This could be a record, boys.
He just makes that.
Go, Brandon.
Go, Brandon.
25 seconds, Brandon.
Hurry up.
Career leader of blocks, NBA?
Mutombo.
Oh, you got TJ.
Oh, OMBO.
Typing Mutombo.
M-U-T-O-M-B-O.
Most Twitter followers.
Olajuwon, O-L-A-J-U-W-O-N.
Oh, it's a wrap.
O'Neal.
One nickname of pitcher in me. Arizona. Yeah, Route 66. Oh, it's a wrap. O'Neal. One nickname and pitcher in major league.
Arizona.
Yeah, Route 66.
Oklahoma.
Let's go east.
Missouri.
Nevada.
Illinois.
Oh, no.
Illinois.
Nickname and pitcher in major league.
God damn it, Illinois.
Fuck you, dumb motherfucker.
The Dark Knight.
Ewing.
Nickname of Major League.
California. You know that.
Wild thing.
That was impressive.
You tried a Batumbo with hitchings.
And Elijah won. Batumbo with hitchings. With hitchings on the quarter.
And Elijah won.
Matumbo, Elijah won.
Matumbo, Elijah won.
You've got to type words he knows.
You've got to say words he knows.
Matumbo.
Which is not a lot.
No, no, no.
Oh, this is actually an easy Sporkle.
Yeah.
Yeah, you might have had it if the typing was better.
That was a super time. That was probably a top five time. That was a great time. Yeah, you might have had it if the typing was better. That was a super time.
That was probably a top five time.
I think you're three.
I think that proved that I could probably do any partial.
Whoa.
Still catching your breath?
Hey, I thought you did great.
I thought you did great.
Yeah.
Is that what you thought, Miss Goalie?
Huh?
Is that what you thought? Hey, I? Huh? Is that what you thought?
Hey, I'm a goalkeeper.
I don't have to run very far.
So, chilling.
I think that proved that any barstool competition deserves to have me in it.
And without me in it, it's an illegitimate competition.
And Dave Portnoy's a piece of shit.
Listen, man.
Greg Olson.
We had to get – there's 24 people doing it.
Yeah.
You were 25.
Well, actually, the first 16 that did it and then now the 24 there's also he's not 25 oh no yeah i i know 25 he's not 25 you're not 25
you might be 26 i don't care what i am if i'm not in the top 24 it doesn't matter yeah
were you asked kyle? No. Yeah.
Not even twice.
All right.
So wait, Alyssa, any extra pressure for the game on Saturday at Wrigley?
I mean, it's going to be such an amazing atmosphere.
I think we're getting close to a sellout.
Yeah.
I think, which is going to be incredible.
Obviously, I hope the fans are into it.
Hopefully, we can put on a good show. It's supposed to be a beautiful summer day in Chicago.
Wrigley is obviously an iconic venue,
so it's a great opportunity for us to get to play there
and play downtown in the city.
Normally we're out at Bridgeview, so it's a bit harder to get out there.
So I think not necessarily added pressure per se,
but we definitely want to put on a show.
We want to get a win. We want to get a win.
We want to get three points going into the game.
So we're excited about it, though.
I love it.
You guys coming?
We're going to have a bunch of people.
So what's your favorite Red Stars game you've ever been to?
Oh, man.
The next one.
The next one.
I actually have not been to one.
I haven't lived here very long.
We just got here.
I watched you guys play at Soldier Field.
Soldier Field.
Against New York.
San Diego.
You couldn't be further.
Oh, wow.
That game might have been a giant stadium.
I've played against you guys in FIFA.
Fair enough.
Did you guys not play at Soldier Field this year so far?
No, we have not.
Wow, that was tough.
Last summer we did. Who played did the fire plant are you thinking of the chicago bears the fire the bear the bears bears barely
did you play new york this year in new york i watched that game that was not so
field no i remember you but i did watch that game yeah you did great that game. That was not soccer field.
I remember you.
But I did watch that game
and I had it on.
You did great that game.
I didn't play that game.
I know.
But yeah,
Steven's going to be there.
We got a bunch of people
going from the office.
We're excited.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
I also got a new jersey.
They sent me a jersey.
What?
Is it a goalkeeper jersey
or a field player jersey? Field player. I need the goalkeeper. I do. They sent me a jersey. What? Is it a goalkeeper jersey or a field player jersey?
Field player.
I need the goalkeeper.
I do.
See what I can find.
Yeah, we need to get that.
All right, well, thanks so much.
Good luck.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
See you Saturday.
You should wear my jersey on Thursday.
Where is it?
Give it to me.
I got it in my studio.
I'll wear it.
Sounds fun.
Did you have a jersey picked out?
I have about three or four ready to go, but I can always move them back down the line.
Yeah.
Yep.
153, though.
That was incredible.
Pretty good.
That was pretty good.
Oh, God.
No way.
No chance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, God damn it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, God damn it.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, I hate this so much.
She's going to kick your ass.
I hate this so much.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
We're good, we're good, we're good.
You're good, you're good.
I'm not looking.
Oh, that was half-hearted. He's good at that. He's nice. oh that was half-hearted that was nice
you're if i could happen to anyone that would you would be the best to do it why this was your idea
reminder can the boy get a kiss oh no you say you can only say that to another boy.
It's boy on boy.
Can the boy get a kiss?
It's a boy on boy kiss.
Steven, you're going to the game, right?
I am.
It's going to be a blast.
We actually got tickets when they came out,
but excited to go with Barstool now.
Hell yes.
She got me hype.
Steven, you could have chimed in when we said,
what's your favorite game you've been to?
You just let us flounder. Why didn't you save us? She got me hype. Steven, you could have chimed in when we said what's your favorite game you've been to. Yeah.
Why didn't you save us? You just let us flounder.
I said, Jay.
Why didn't you save us?
I mean, Salt Lake City.
I was at the LAFC.
Don't answer it now.
It's crazy.
She got hurt during Salt Lake City.
I did love the Salt Lake City game, though.
It sucked that she got hurt.
You loved it?
I hated it, yeah.
A little louder.
How far away is she?
Jay, you really left us out to dry there.
Alyssa got hurt.
That was like a big moment that I didn't love.
It's Salt Lake City.
I booed.
She can't hear me.
Oh, wow.
She's serving everybody now.
Jesus.
Look at everybody.
Oh, he's glory.
Everyone's over there.
Dave.
Steven, why don't you rip the DraftKings ad?
Because I'm sure you've got a bet coming tomorrow right
I do
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Nice.
I've been stuck on something for a half hour now.
We talked about the zoo.
The only image I have of the zoo, every time I go, a gorilla jerks off.
What?
I have never seen that.
I think we've all seen the turtles.
I've literally never seen that. A gorilla has never jerked off? I've never seen that. I think we've all seen the turtles fucking. I've literally never seen that.
A gorilla has never jerked off?
I've never seen a gorilla.
No.
Never seen a gorilla ever.
Every time I go.
Are you attracted to gorillas?
I think so.
Because every time I go,
they're just fucking spanking it.
Gorillas jerk off?
I've never seen gorillas jerk off.
I know they fling poop.
I might have a video.
I have never seen that.
I'm familiar with the idea of monkeys jerking off.
Sure.
I've never seen a gorilla being the first.
Yeah.
Well, you know the video that's scarring to everyone
you see as the gorilla with the frog?
You never seen that one?
No.
You know what I'm talking about.
Does it eat it?
It's a gorilla using a frog as a flashlight.
What?
Yeah, it's tough.
It's a gorilla jerking off with a frog that's yeah it's tough it's a
number of crimes even in the animal kingdom that's gonna be some wow wow yeah yeah
i'm alone again could they arrest a gorilla they should for this particular
video that i'm thinking of. Who are all those people?
Those guys are from Lucy.
Oh, cool.
Thanks, Lucy.
That's Blutman.
That, yeah.
Sure is.
Sure fucking is.
Man, we should have.
Che, I'm mad at you, man.
Yeah, Che, you really, really.
You were probably watching us with a fucking devilish grin on your face as we couldn't name a game.
Were you not paying attention?
Big Cat named a game that they didn't play in.
They played it last year.
He had to throw a Hail Mary, though, because the rest of us were just...
Yeah, and he brought up the Chicago Fire, which is the men's team.
Men's team, yeah.
Oh, man.
I didn't realize that.
I feel like as a woman, I should have had a couple things ready to go.
Sorry, guys.
Women don't support women anymore.
That's right.
Dante said it best.
Did he?
Sure did.
What did Dante say?
Women only support women when they're against a man.
Otherwise, feminism's like a sham.
It's not.
Oh.
Dante. That's a good point actually yeah we need men for feminism is the one yeah thank you guys thank you guys oh
yeah so we're the without us you can't even be feminist no no we would hate we would tear each
other's shreds yeah are men the best feminists out there i would say yeah i guess so sure we're
certainly the reason for it yeah okay one Okay, one second. Let us.
Pardon me.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I think so.
I think.
So feminism is one of man's great gifts to the world.
We gave them rights.
We did.
Yeah.
We sure did.
That's exactly right.
Does your favorite movie pass the Bechdel test?
Probably not.
Mm-hmm.
No good movies do, I don't think. That that's true what's the bechdel test uh two
women talking in a movie but their converse their conversation can't be about men oh then no
none of my favorite 20 movies is that what it is yeah they have to have more than the idea that
lines and they can't be about yeah women Yeah, women exist only in movies. What are movies that have that?
To be love interest, basically.
Bridget Jones?
It's probably about a man.
It's about a man.
Like a NASA movie about a man?
Bridesmaids?
Spice Girls movie?
Yeah.
Bridesmaids?
What's the one where Sandra Bullock went to space?
Gravity?
She's got lines. Did she talk to another woman, they were talking about. What's the one where Sandra Bullock went to space? Gravity? She was probably talking about space.
She's got lines.
She's got lines.
Did she talk to another woman, though?
Probably not.
Does it have to be two women talking?
Two women talking.
And it can't be about men.
I've got to be honest.
If two women are talking, I'm not paying attention.
This test sucks.
Yeah, bad test.
Who came up with this test?
Woman.
And why is it named Bechtel?
Maybe the woman's last name is Bechtel. Her husband's last name was Becht her husband's last night. I don't pass the back to test when she came up with this
Yeah, no, it's a woman. Oh, man.
That was tough.
Oh, man.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
All right, come on back in, big guy.
Oh, Nicky. She's big guy. Oh, Mickey.
He's fucking hot.
All right.
So what else? That happened.
Yeah.
All right.
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I'm not going to give up on this.
Articles of clothing.
Here we go.
Y'all got it.
Okay.
This one's easy.
This is so easy.
This one's easy.
Three, two, one, jeans.
Sweatshirt.
You guys are okay?
That's fine.
We're good.
You're in the same closet. Yeah. Three, two, one, vest, sweatshirt. You guys okay? That's fine. We're good. You're in the same closet.
Yeah. 3, 2,
1, vest. Vest?
Vest was crazy, man.
Okay, okay, okay. We did jeans
and sweatshirt. I'm thinking denim vest.
Not a denim t-shirt.
Okay, we did vest
and t-shirt.
And t-shirt.
Got it.
3, 2, 1 Tank top
Yes
That was great
That felt really good
You guys can't do it again
Cause I was like gonna go coat and I was like no tank top
Yeah
That was good
What's another one Another topic Yeah, exactly. That's fun. That was good.
What's another one?
Another topic?
Cars.
Medicine.
Medicine.
Disease.
Disease.
Yeah, disease.
Famine.
Famine.
All right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were trying for witchcraft.
I would get it on the first one. I think you can, too. I would get it on the first one
I think you can too
I would get it on the first one
You gotta get disease
Alright here we go
3, 2, 1
Skin
Oh what?
Skin
AIDS
Skin disease
AIDS is the disease
I had cancer as the disease
Smallpox
I had COVID
Impetigo
Here's another topic
No no you have skin and AIDS now
Skin and AIDS
I always gravitate toward like the simplest common noun
So I don't do like AIDS
But if you think disease it's AIDS
Okay okay
No because someone said cancer So you gotta go to another one But if you think disease, it's AIDS. Okay, okay.
No, because if someone said cancers, you got to go to another one.
It's already been thrown out there.
All right.
Snacks.
Yep.
Oh, man.
This is wide.
This is broad. When you think of snacks, the pantheon of snacks what is like in the dead center
i have one but it's specific but we gotta don't do don't tell him all right all right we're gonna
get this in one snack you guys are overthinking we're gonna get this yes one yes snacks i think
easy okay okay three two one chips it's oh chips was it you see it was it that was
sorry i'm sorry we should have three people go i was gonna say dunkaroos oh try no no and so it's
kyle you're like the main one and then the other two have to read your brain and the loser oh my old brain eliminator
how brain eliminator we gotta get che in this yeah we do oh oh get out here come out here steve
chavers brandon oh my god on the kyle brain eliminator yes i like this
look at max he has a restaurant holding court he said he wants to do it every week
chef donnie he's gonna pack your He said he wants to do it every week. Chef Donnie, pack your bags.
Yeah.
He's going to do deli day.
How long will this last?
One week.
Yeah.
Will any sort of cleaning device slicer in the next month?
His ass is like rubbing against the counter.
I just don't rub his nose. Oh, he loves it. In the next month. His ass is like rubbing against the counter.
I just don't rub his nose.
Oh, he loves it.
He looks like a cool restaurateur.
Like that makes good food.
He's got the right demeanor for it, actually.
He does.
He can be lovable.
He can be feisty.
Yeah, playful.
Yeah.
Good band. But if shit's not going right in the kitchen, he will fucking get your...
He has to get angry.
He'll get angry.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm really happy for him.
Can we get him a hairnet, though?
Yeah.
I'd like a hairnet.
You have to do beardnets, too.
He's going to look like a lunch lady real fast.
He swapped out band-aids right after he handed me and Brandon our sandwiches.
As we were eating, we looked over at him, and he was re-wrapping his band-aid.
It's tough.
This is the Kyle Brain
Eliminator.
What topic?
Something very big. Movies?
Oh.
Kyle is not a proper noun,
man. True. You want to go
countries?
I don't know that many countries okay racial slurs and
just basketball players do you know more countries or racial wait what about u.s states countries
states states slurs how am i like you're just going with yourself okay you're going but you
should you should stick with a path vacation Vacation. You got to figure out the path. Vacation.
Vacation.
The topic is vacation.
Oh.
Easy.
Is our goal to have the same answer, Brandon and I?
No.
Oh.
You want to get Kyle's before Brandon does.
Okay.
Okay.
Vacation.
All right.
Three, two, one.
Hawaii.
Yes.
What'd you say?
The beach?
I would have said beach.
Wait, you got it on the first one?
But you said you weren't proper noun.
Okay, this is like so specific. Wow. Wait, you say? The beach? Wait, you got it on the first one? But you said you weren't proper noun. Okay, this is like so specific.
Wow.
Wait, you guys just did it?
Jay's just bad at it.
You got it on the first one?
Yeah, you did.
Oh, my God.
But you said it's not a proper noun.
Wow.
I got you.
I would have said beach.
Wow, that was great.
I think collusion just happened.
I might be the goat.
Olympic sports.
You might be the goat.
Wait, I want to see Titus down. I want to see Titus. No no i want to see titus and che one-on-one yeah let's go
you guys are always on the same wavelength yep with kb or no yeah just you two just you
olympic sports oh shit that's just your starting off point winter or summer yeah three ready gotta Three. Ready? You got to say three. Three, two, one.
Basketball.
Hell yes.
Wow.
These guys are best friends.
Wow.
Hug it out.
Oh, shit.
They broke the game.
How did you know I was going to say basketball?
What'd you say?
Two basketball players.
All right.
What's two?
Titus.
I'm not going to lie to you. i'm craving a chase celebrity guesser at
something too can we can we at least define it like eras like current basketball players current
current
okay three two one luke ron james okay 3, 2, 1 LeBron James 3, 2, 1
Anthony Davis
We just passed each other
We were over here
Get back to the middle
Anthony Davis and Jokic
The middle of this is easy
If you keep missing though, it's going to get hard
You can't keep missing
The middle of this is easy
There's an obvious 3, 2, 1 I'm missing though, it's gonna get hard. You can't keep missing. The middle of this is easy.
There's an obvious.
Three, two, one, Embiid.
Oh, Embiid was the answer.
This is not gonna happen.
It was Embiid.
It was Embiid, Titus.
It was Jamal Murray, he hit the shot over Anthony Davis,
he plays with Jokic to the other side.
Jokic, Anthony Davis, center.
It was the same, it was all in the same moment.
Now you guys are all fucked up.
So we have Embiid and Jamal Murray.
Oh, this is easy too.
Oh, this one's easy.
Is it?
Oh, I think it might be.
This one's easy.
I got it.
I got it.
Three, two, one.
SGA.
SGA.
How is it SGA?
Canadian. Jamal Murray, Canadian. That's. How is it SGA? Canadian.
Jamal Murray, Canadian.
That's two.
I was thinking Kentucky big man.
Now it's easy again.
I was thinking Kentucky.
Now it's easy again.
Carl Anthony Towns and SGA.
Now it is easy.
Now it's easy again.
Okay.
Yes.
Now we got this.
Please not.
Yeah.
Now it's very easy again.
Okay. Three, two two one boogie cousins
It's boogie even active
He's a dog I've been watching
Loved him wait one you said you just fucked it up. We got it. Sorry wait. Who'd you say? Bam. I said Bam. Bam, Boogie.
You gotta pivot. Yes.
He thinks he's gonna get it every time. I don't know if I like that. That yes just threw me off, though.
Fuck. Bam
and Boogie. Boogie and Bam.
I mean, I have my... I'm just gonna go with what I
was gonna go with. Alright. 3,
2, 1. Tyler Hero.
Titus was correct.
How does Bam and Boogie create Tyler Hero?
Tyler Hero.
You guys have something here.
You have something here.
I was thinking Boogie.
John Wall.
Oh, Hero and Wall.
Hero and Wall's got something.
Yeah.
Hero and Wall's got something.
Yes, yes.
Three, two, one.
Devin Booker.
Yes.
There you go.
There you go.
Stayed on Kentucky.
Yep.
They stayed on Kentucky.
Stayed on Kentucky.
Look at that.
What a game.
Those boys.
I would love to do one celebrity guesser with Mook before we –
well, not with Mook.
Like Mook suggested.
Yes.
A Che Celeb guesser.
Che.
Yeah. Let's rip one
let's rip a celebrity guesser donnie's bringing ice cream into oh more ice cream jesus christ
they're trying to fatten us yeah i think so they're trying to get us extra fat aren't they
god damn it. He's still going.
Nick and Brandon, rip a real quick sauce.
Sauce?
Yeah.
Sauce.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Love that.
Three, two, one.
Marinara.
That's a dressing.
Okay.
Okay, it's easy then.
I was including.
I think I'll...
All right, you ready?
Ranch and marinara?
Well, yeah. I then. I was including. I think I'll... You ready? Ranch and marinara? Well, yeah.
I think ranch is a sauce.
Three, two, one.
Alfredo.
I combine white and red.
Now we're fucked.
No, we're not.
Fuck Alfredo, go.
Three, two, one.
Pasta.
What?
Pasta is not a sauce. Pasta sauce. That's not a sauce. It's not all sauces. You don What? Pasta's not a sauce.
Pasta sauce.
That's not a sauce.
But it's not all sauces.
You don't stick.
Marinara's pasta sauce.
That's just a launching point.
Marinara and Alfredo are pasta sauce.
Brandon, you don't have to go sauces.
You don't know how to play the motherfucking game.
The problem is we were doing sauces,
and you just went to the overall arching theme of pasta.
No, Brandon.
We named pasta sauces before.
Brandon, pasta's just the starter.
Yeah. Then you's just the starter.
Then you're just trying to get any... We had already named Alfredo and vodka.
So we had Alfredo and vodka.
The arching theme there is pasta.
You're just going with yours.
Yeah.
Let's get back on track, buddy.
Okay, just relax.
Hypothetically, Nick, you could start with sauces
and end up at, like, anything.
Certainly.
The categorical wall is crumbled.
So you went pasta and I went...
You went what?
Pesto.
So it's going to be hard to get back together here.
Wrong.
Ready?
Pasta and pesto.
Yes.
Three, two, one, Italian.
Italian spaghetti.
You guys got it now
3, 2, 1, lasagna
Dinner, lasagna
Ready?
3, 2, 1
Garfield
Rare Garfield ending
Have we done a Garfield ending?
No
Garfield ending? No. Garfield ending.
Fuck yeah.
I love that. Same was brought to you by the new Garfield movie, Out Now.
No.
Alright, Che, you ready?
Yes.
Oh, God.
Now, is this a
Che celebrity, or is this like a...
You know he doesn't know the name.
Are you going full Che?
Every person in that room should know this person.
Che celebrities are celebrities.
He's going to be a sports person.
I don't know.
Because I don't know if it's sports yet.
Well, we just have to start guessing, and then we figure it out as we go.
Okay.
Kate, what's our record?
I'm just guessing a name, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Our shortest?
Is it like 30 or 21?
She's about to do the first guess.
Okay, about to do the first guess.
Garfield. Oh, Garfield. They started on
sauces and ended Garfield.
I think it was about four or five.
Whoopi Goldberg.
What did he say?
He said,
what? What did he say? He said, ooh. He said, whoa.
Oh, my God.
In some aspects, pretty warm, but in some aspects, very cold.
Jewish guy.
It's a Jewish guy.
Jewish guy with dreads.
Billy Crystal.
Warmer.
Adam Sandler. A little bit cooler than Billy Crystal. Warmer. Adam Sandler.
A little bit cooler than Billy Crystal.
Ryan Seacrest.
Warm.
Carson Daly.
Best guess so far Jimmy Fallon
another good guess
you guys
that's
I would say Carson Daly
is a little bit closer
but pretty similar
oh
I think I know
I don't have a clue
I think I know
can I solve it
no we don't
if you go for the solve you're don't. If you go for the solve, you're out.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll go for the solve.
Do it.
Okay.
Andy Cohen.
No.
Out.
You're out.
Regis Philbin.
Closest so far.
Okay.
Okay.
Regis Philbin.
Music.
Some kind of music like announcing.
He didn't do music.
What the fuck did you do?
Oh, thank you.
Oh my god.
Time to eat again. Really cute bowls again
too. Cereal. What'd you say?
Oh my god, this shit's so amazing.
Does it have Froot Loops in it?
Holy shit, thank you man. Who Loops in it? Holy shit.
Thank you, man.
Who's a big announcer?
Dick Clark.
Donnie, I'm good.
Thank you.
Warm, but not there.
Okay.
I said Dick Clark.
Warm, but not there.
Thank you.
Pat Sajak.
We are hot, I would say.
Hot, hot, I would say.
Hot, hot, hot.
Pat Sajak, NBA announcer?
No, Wheel of Fortune host for the last 4,000 years.
One of the most famous game shows to ever exist.
He has been the host for literally decades.
This is his last year.
NBA announcer.
Moog knows things we don't. Pat Sajak.
Moog knew about Sketch.
More of a TikTok guy.
Yeah. Pat Sajak. Moog knew about Sketch. More of a TikTok guy.
Pat Sajak.
Howie Mandel.
Not bad.
That's a good guess.
Ooh, yes.
I think that.
You can't say yes.
I think technically that's the best guess so far.
Okay.
Okay.
You said it was Steve Harvey.
Very close in some ways, very far in some others.
So it's a white game show host.
Yes.
Oh, me?
Yeah, I'm out. Jeff Probst.
Slightly cooler, but you're hitting in the ballpark.
Hmm.
Alec Trebek?
No.
Cooler.
He's passed, right?
Yeah.
Very cool.
Colder.
Drew Carey. Say it again. Drew Carey.
Say it again?
Drew Carey.
Correct.
Oh!
Let's go!
Good job.
Good work.
Good job.
Thanks.
It always tastes like cheesecake,
Froot Loop cheesecake a little bit.
It's so good.
Really good.
They just released a schedule
for the college football playoff, Brandon.
Looks pretty good
Who's in?
What do you mean?
The schedule
Just letting us know when each game is going to be?
Yeah
Looks pretty good
It's Friday, December 20th
And then three games on that Saturday
There's one game on New Year's Eve
Then three games on New Year's Day
Okay
Then Thursday and Friday, January 9th and 10th.
And then Monday, January 20th.
So how many weeks between the last game of the year and the start of the playoff?
Three?
Four?
Three.
Or three, because of the New Commerce Championships.
Because New Commerce Championships is the first week of December.
Yeah, and then three weeks later, the playoffs starts.
Yeah, two or three weeks.
I can wait three weeks.
It'll be two weeks.
I can handle three weeks.
But this is good because that means we get, yeah.
We're getting like almost all of January is full of football, which is great.
I don't know about you guys.
I fucking love college football.
I love football in general. Love sports. All of it. Anything with a ball. I don't know about you guys. I fucking love college football. I love football in general.
Love sports.
All of it.
Anything with a ball.
I'll take it or leave it.
Yeah.
I can't wait for the video game, dude.
Yeah?
It's going to be so much fun.
January has got to come up as a month with this much football.
Yeah.
Because it's like the NFL playoffs, you get, oh, man, what a month.
It's going to be great.
Now, February has Dude Fest, right?
Possibly August.
We have to figure that out.
I had to have a phone call today about it.
Let me ask you this.
Would you love football as much if it was year-round?
No.
So you think it's the perfect amount of time right now?
Yes. You're getting the perfect dose of football. Yes. The only thing I it's the perfect amount of time right now.
Yes.
You're getting the perfect dose.
Yes.
The only thing I have a perfect amount of time.
Perfect time of year.
I took it.
Well, I took a chance today on a take that probably fell flat.
But I struggle with this.
And you probably have the same feeling, Brandon.
I find myself wishing away the summer to get to football.
And I wish that didn't happen.
Yeah.
So like part of me wishes football started in like October
and went to like March.
I don't
I know.
No, you can't
do that. I know March is
March already is fine as it is.
That's what the classic rom-com click was about.
Then they move April April's March Madness.
I'm just trying to erase winter.
You're making April March Madness?
I'm just trying to erase winter.
Because if football is still really on in January and February,
winter hasn't started.
Winter is the weeks or month where football ends
and you're just like fuck i think football
ends at the exact right time i don't think it begins at the exact right time yeah i think it's
exactly perfect no i know i just it's more just the idea that i do i do find myself wishing away
summer and that's a bad yeah you know what i mean well you guys know how tough football season can be, too.
You're stuck watching the kids while your partner's watching the football games all Sunday.
And the days really drag on.
You're by yourself a lot.
Feminism.
It feels a little unfair.
You guys know how it is.
Stop talking.
Your fault for getting pregnant.
Brian, why does the WWE have an offseason?
It does?
Why doesn't it?
Why does it go year-round?
Because why would it?
All those other little pussy sports have offseasons.
Wrestling never ends.
Poor Seth Rollins was beaten to a pulp.
He's always hurt.
He needs a break, man.
Well, he's taking a break right now.
He's taking a long break.
Some think his contract has expired.
Becky Lynch's contract just expired.
We have no idea what she's going to do.
Wouldn't you like an offseason for us?
She's going to be a heel to Liv, I think, while Ripley's hurt.
No, I think Rhea's going to come back to SummerSlam and take that belt.
Ah, yeah.
And Dom might turn on Rhea, of course.
Oh, yeah, because he was looking at Liv's butt.
He kissed her a couple weeks ago.
You see, Sexy Red was on there.
She was.
Yes, she was.
Sexy Red was on there, yeah.
It is sexy.
And all-ego Ethan Page debuted last week, so that's good.
I like Ethan Page.
He's a good guy.
Exciting times.
That's everybody's ice cream.
So good.
MJF is back.
How long was he out for?
Oh, he was out since January.
He needs a fucking podcast.
Did he break up with his girlfriend?
Yeah, he did, and he also doesn't answer my texts anymore.
Oh, shit. Oh, we're done with him. Call him. We're not done with And he also doesn't answer my texts anymore. Oh, shit.
We're done with him.
Call him.
We're not done with him.
He doesn't answer my texts anymore.
Call him.
Right now?
Yeah.
I don't think he'll answer.
Just give it a call.
Who's calling me?
You're getting a call right now.
From Alabama?
What city?
Anniston?
Don't pick up.
It's probably another death.
You're right.
Well, it's going to die.
Or it could be an evening.
But if I don't find out, they're not dead.
You're right. Yeah. Alright, I'm calling
MJF. Yeah.
If you've texted
him many times, he hasn't picked up.
What were the type of texts that were
ignored? Just text him, do you still like me?
MJ, let's see.
Look at that.
Alright, so call him.
You'll just know right away if he sends you right to – oh, no.
That's a lot, right?
Yeah.
Text him, did I do something wrong?
So you want me to call MJF?
I think you want to call him.
You want Tony Khan to come in?
He said that there's some stuff coming with AEW in Chicago.
I talk to Tony all the time.
Oh, sorry.
You don't have to tell me about Tony.
Me and Tony are like time. Oh, sorry. I mean, you don't have to tell me about Tony. Me and Tony are like this.
MJF is right between.
It goes Kirk Minahan, Mince, and MJF on my phone.
I'm not going to put him on speaker at first in case he answers with a,
I don't know how he's going to answer.
Remember to do live to tape.
I understand.
He's not going to answer.
He might answer. Remember to do life to Tate. I understand. He's not going to answer. He might answer.
This is Max.
No.
Right to voicemail. He doesn't like you anymore.
He might be on D&D. Call him again. What did you do?
What did you do?
I don't know. I didn't do anything.
I think
when they got rid of wrestling, the wrestling people
just didn't have a use for me anymore.
But they liked you.
They did. Were the texts like, hey, good luck? wrestling the wrestling people just didn't have a use for me anymore but they liked you they did
were the texts like hey good luck or like texts that required a response uh it was uh hey whenever
you come back uh hit me up let's do a podcast together so it was only you only texted him when
no i texted many things i texted something from. Maybe you should have peppered in a little more, like, how are the kids?
Oh, he doesn't have any kids.
How's his wife?
Doesn't have one of those either.
Move on to another wrestler.
I got a couple.
It's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Remember when you were working at LA Knights first match?
Yeah.
That was cool of you.
Yeah, he called me a stupid moron.
And now look at him.
Mm-hmm.
Look at me.
So who's the stupid moron now?
Same trajectory.
Still me, yeah.
Did you see the second annual subway car match?
No.
They held a wrestling event in a New York City subway car,
completely smashing through tables and all that stuff.
Good crowd.
That looked awesome.
Did you see it?
Yeah.
I haven't seen it.
I just saw it today, so it must have just.
Must be new.
Yeah.
Just dropped.
How'd you not see it?
I don't know.
That's weird that I'm more up on wrestling stuff.
This is just maybe you're more up on subway stuff.
Trash stuff.
My mankind.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
Pretty good
It's a good get
It's a big get
Yeah
This is awesome
This is
Well who's he gonna wrestle
But wait
He's got the
Cactus Jack shirt on
Mankind never wore
A Cactus Jack shirt
That's gone
Did I ever tell y'all
When my dad died?
Here we fucking go.
And you guys, I think, I don't know which one of y'all did it, got me a cameo from Mick Foley.
I did, yeah.
And he sent me, instead of just a cameo, he sent me a six-minute.
It was you.
It was Kate.
Shit. it was you it was kate shit uh he sent me a six minute impassioned message about fathers and how
his was close to him and and how i would be okay and all that i was actually eight and of mcfoley
i thought it was going to be like a light funny like something kind of make you laugh and when
he sent it i was like in tears by the end it was the most it was the most like heartfelt thing i'd
ever received.
A family member
has never sent me
something more heartfelt
than this thing.
It broke me down.
It was supposed to be 15 seconds
and it was literally 6 minutes.
He takes his mask off.
He really gets into it.
I don't think he was
a very good Triple H.
Do they fight?
They do.
They're smashing through tables
and stuff like that.
I feel like this just happens on the subway.
Yeah, it's the usual Tuesday.
It's like just entrances.
Huh.
It's like a very expensive outfit and a very cheap mask.
Yeah.
All right.
You get the idea.
I want to see them actually.
Yeah, there we go.
Oh, man.
Oh, that guy's not there for the match.
Figure it out
it's a cute idea
oh good sell good sell buddy
alright Not a lot of women
Hanging out
Dudes
Dude things
I think it's delicious
Is it?
Yeah
Alright TJ
Let's spin that old wheel of ours
Kyle you're out tomorrow?
Yes
Do you have your speech written?. Kyle, you're out tomorrow? Yes.
Do you have your speech written?
Yes.
How do you feel about it?
I'm bad.
About how long?
What's it clocking in at?
Four to five.
Oh, that's perfect.
Any jokes?
Yeah.
Or passion.
Humor sprinkled in.
I'm not trying to be a hero.
Oh, I have a take no one cares about, but I just want to get it off.
Cool.
Chance the Rapper is back.
Oh, really?
I think he's going to be back in a big way.
Oh.
That's it.
That's all I wanted to say about that.
He's back.
Call your shot.
Releasing music.
He's dropping an album soon, I believe.
So we know he's back. I think he's gonna be back to like old chance
Got it
Yes
I like it
I would love that
Yeah
There's a deaf rapper out of Congo
Yeah
MC Baba
What?
He's the first
The first deaf rapper?
Mute rapper
Goes hard
Wait yeah?
For real?
I saw that video you saw, Casey.
Is he deaf?
Goes dumb.
The words rhyme in sign language?
He was making ad-lib type shrieks.
That would be a good battle rapper.
He couldn't hear what they're saying about him.
He would not be phased at all.
That's who Gilbert Arenas needs to bring out against Roan.
What's up, Spider?
Spider.
Good.
Telly Day was good.
Great.
Big Telly Day.
All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow.
Please like and subscribe. We'll be right back. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap It's the act
It's the act
It's the act
Hey, see you tomorrow, guys.
I'll throw a music take out there, too.
That new Gracie Abrams track that's dropping this week is the song of the summer.
All right, that's my put on for the day.
See you tomorrow.
Love you, bye.