The Yak - Nick is Becoming an Alum of Every College in America | The Yak 6-25-24
Episode Date: June 25, 2024The rat trap might be a bust...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolya...k
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. It's the Yak.
It's the Yak.
It's the Yak.
Welcome to the Yak.
Titus' birthday.
It's Titus' birthday.
Yep.
Happy birthday, Titus.
Happy birthday, Mark.
Is he here?
Somewhere.
It would have been funny as fuck if he was butt-ass naked. Roback.com.
Best hoodies, polos, shorts, swim shorts.
Don't tell me you're going to forget the fleeces.
Wait, I thought it was Q-Zips.
You're a fleece guy now?
Yeah.
We don't do fleeces in June, do we?
New logo.
I will.
I do.
You're a fleece guy?
Look at his body.
Look at the torse.
Yeah, we cover up, boy.
Yeah, yeah. Roback.com. Use code his body. Look at the torso. Yeah, we cover up, boy. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Roback.com.
Use code YAK.
20% off everything.
Roback.com.
It's Puck Puck.
Fucking there is one, baby.
Real quick.
Did you guys watch?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Knows every state.
You know them all?
You know them all?
As he should.
All right.
Start at the Pacific Northwest.
I will be impressed if you do know them all.
Ready?
Yeah.
You want us to say it? Go. Run through all of them. Run through all of them. Run through all of them. Start at the Pacific Northwest. I will be impressed if you do know them all. Ready? Yeah. You want us to say or go?
Run through all of them.
Run through all of them.
Washington.
Yep.
Oregon.
Yeah.
California.
Yeah.
Nevada.
Yep.
Arizona.
Uh-huh.
New Mexico.
Yes.
Perfect so far.
Idaho.
Yep.
Montana.
Beauty.
Wyoming.
Uh-huh.
Utah.
Yes.
Colorado.
My man.
North Dakota, South Dakota
Nebraska, Kansas
Oklahoma, Texas
Minnesota, Iowa
Missouri, Arkansas
Louisiana
Mississippi
Alabama
Georgia, Florida
We're going to go up here We're going to go Wisconsin Mississippi, Alabama. Okay. My fingers are going so tight. Georgia, Florida. Yep.
We're going to go up here.
Yeah.
We're going to go Wisconsin.
Yeah.
Illinois.
Why don't you skip some?
Indiana.
You haven't done that middle row yet.
Please.
Which one?
That one.
The middle row.
I did the middle row.
No, the one to the right of that.
You skipped that whole row.
Minnesota.
Yes.
Iowa.
Yeah.
Missouri.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
He's right.
From the top?
Minnesota?
Oh.
Iowa?
Yeah, yeah.
Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana.
Yeah.
Okay.
I was here, Michigan.
Uh-huh.
Go down here.
Okay.
But it's not funny if you get them all right.
It's funny if you miss a bunch.
Yeah.
So what the fuck happened yesterday?
He learned them last night.
He learned them last night.
That's impressive.
Finish the job.
Well, the rest of them are labeled.
Virginia.
Oh, God.
No!
That's good.
That's what the people are like.
You listened.
The man can't beat the syndrome allegations.
South Carolina.
Get out.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
And you finally showed up
with a band-aid on your owie.
Yeah, I got Encanto on my knee.
Nice.
Yeah, it looks like
it's peeling up on the sides.
Yep, it is.
I haven't put a bandage
on a booboo in a long ass time.
I haven't had a band-aid
in a minute either.
When was the last time
you used guys? I think I had a bandaid in a minute. When was the last time you used gauze?
I think I had a
wisdom tooth taken out.
Last time I needed to talk to a 19 year old girl.
Yeah? Yeah. Oh, you said
gauze. What did you say? Nothing.
Titus, happy birthday. And when was the last time
you needed to talk to a 19 year old girl?
Last time I was ordering a Subway sandwich
probably.
Oh, thank you. The only time I talk to a kid-year-old. Last time I was ordering a Subway sandwich, probably. Oh, thank you, Nick.
Thank you.
The only time I talk to a kid is when you bring your kid.
I don't know what the fuck is up with kids.
I don't have a clue.
I don't know what the popular toy is.
I don't know what they like.
I don't know what they're watching.
They just like YouTube.
That's it.
YouTube and Roblox.
Yeah.
I got five nieces and nephews, and the oldest is now getting to an age where my playbook is no longer working.
Yeah.
And she's, like, turning into an actual human being.
What was the playbook?
Just farts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just stinky butt.
Your butt stinks.
You have poop in your butt.
And she's like, no, no.
And then I love Uncle Mark
he's so funny
I love poop
and then now
I see her and I'm like
what's up poopy butt
and she's like no
come on
no
that's immature
what eyeliner did you get me
for my birthday
yeah right
and it's tough
it's tough
I don't know how to speak to
you said Roblox is popular
yeah
isn't that like
the graphics are like
it's bad right
it's like Minecraft
yeah
but why what is it it's like a it's like community are like, it's bad, right? It's like Minecraft. Yeah. But what is it?
It's like a community game?
It's peer-to-peer.
It's online.
Okay.
You can get on.
They can play with their friends in Mississippi.
Your kids playing Roblox?
Yeah.
I got a lot of Roblox players.
I spend a lot of money on Robux.
What's the conversion rate?
I don't know, but I probably spend $40 a day on Robux.
Wow.
Jesus Christ, Brad. A day? Yeah. Yeah. version rate i don't know but i probably spend 40 bucks a day on robux wow jesus christ a day yeah
yeah that's it that's right you gotta tell them no yeah dude say no and this is every day or this
is like 40 bucks a day being a kid getting 40 worth of something every day is that's maybe not every day but a lot what does that even mean that's 29 000 roblox
robux robux yeah that's 14 600 a year do you see what i'm probably not doing that
i probably overshot it then they're like in like are they in like the elite they have to don't know
i never check some type of cabal i never check whenever i go home
and tommy's playing video games the only ones he'll play with me he'll play punch out with me
to make me happy and then he he always wants me to play cuphead it's hard because cuphead's
impossible hard game and and you can't play it and he always laughs at me when i die immediately
so that's the only two i really share an experience with him. Now, my middle son texted me last week, says, Dad, can I get this?
And it is the golf extension for the Oculus.
It's the golf club.
Yeah, I have that.
So I'm excited about that because that means he's playing VR golf.
That's nice, unless he's putt-putting.
I don't think he is.
Got to keep an eye on that.
Is it actual golf or is it like cartoony bullshit?
No, it's pretty accurate.
I feel like it's pretty accurate.
Yeah, it's pretty accurate.
Yeah, they got it down.
They even have like a top golf seminar where you can put on any YouTube video you want.
So me and the boys just top golfing to twerk compilations.
Oh, yeah.
The best.
That's awesome.
Who's the best twerker these days?
Tyler.
The South American?
The South African girl?
I believe so.
She has a dance going viral on TikTok right now.
It's like the Tyla dance.
Shout out Tyla.
Tyla.
Titus, what are you doing for your birthday?
Nothing.
This.
Yeah.
It's this.
You just won a national championship.
I did win the national championship on a video game that's 21 years old.
But you've been working to achieve that, have you?
Yeah.
That's super exciting.
Who'd you beat?
Florida.
Yeah.
They couldn't move the ball, really.
I mean, there's a lot of desperation out of them,
and they hit on a couple Hail Marys on me, but they just.
You didn't blow them out, did you?
It was a fucking blowout.
No, I don't think that's as rewarding.
Not a classic. Do you all want to talk don't think that's as rewarding. Yeah.
Not a classic.
Do y'all want to talk about Clemmer's dap?
Yeah.
Yes.
Did he grow fingers for that?
If you pause it at any time, it's two hands.
There's about 23 fingers.
Are his fingers like lizard's tails?
If you cut them off, they grow right back?
I think they're like starfish legs.
If you cut them off, they'll grow right back.
That thumb visual.
You just changed the animal, but said the same thing.
We just got Michigan today.
I got Illinois yesterday.
And I'm in Indiana, and I need it.
I'll give you $40 right now for it.
That's the best thing you can do.
It's all I have in my wallet.
$40.
Yeah, I do, right?
I'm serious.
I am serious.
My name is Chris, and I am serious.
$40. Oh, he means business. Oh, Chris means business.
Oh, fuck.
Thank you very much. What's your name?
Cornelius. I'm Chris. Thank you very much.
One, two, three, four. I declare a phone war.
Indiana is off the board. Let's go.
This is obviously unbelievable, but lost in the DAP disaster discourse is the fact that Christopher Clemmer scored a purple do-rag off of the head of an obliging black man in
the purple hat competition.
Unbelievable.
A do-rag.
And who would have thought it would happen this early?
People are talking about, oh, in what world
is a do-rag a hat?
In this world, it's a hat.
Wakanda?
It's a hat.
It's a hat.
Even if it's not, it's a hat for this competition.
It sure is.
I would love the...
I need more do-rags.
Clemmer found...
He acquired a do-rag in the purple hat competition.
He acquired a purple...
In Indiana.
Yeah.
Undo-ragging a man is not an easy task.
No, it's not.
No, no.
He goes to $40 quick, though.
He does go to $40 quick, but it was a nice silky.
What's his budget?
What did we decide on? I think $2,500 is what we decided on. So it's $5040 quick, but it was a nice silky. What's his budget? What did we decide on?
I think $2,500 is what we decided on.
So it's $50 per?
I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's all right.
But he needs to – I want him to get some free ones.
Yeah, he does need to be able to talk the head off a person.
This content's incredible.
Can we watch the dab again?
Yeah.
Please.
Someone said it's so bad that it's good, and I agree.
It looks like it was choreographed and planned.
It's so bad, it's complex.
I want to try to recreate it.
I don't think you could.
So this is just your classic Walmart parking lot, too.
I wonder how many will come from Walmart.
Thank you very much.
It looks like a secret hedge.
Yeah, you're right.
It does.
Yeah.
The guy went for his thumb, though.
The guy dove in for his thumb.
I think he just got confused by seeing the thumb.
Look at that thumb.
Longer than a word.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Wait a minute.
Can we zoom?
Can we enhance?
It's the longest foam ever.
Yo.
That's not the biggest.
It's wider than the hand.
It's going to grow.
That's bigger than my dick.
It gets bigger than that?
Yes.
Prove it.
Look at that.
Play it one more second.
One millisecond ahead.
One millisecond ahead, please, TJ.
It does grow.
Oh my god.
Holy shit. That is... oh my god oh my god
was going in for the hug do you think he was going in for no I don't think with
that no no that hug would kill him I don't even see the girl in the back.
That's an Atari controller.
And the rest of his fingers are pointed straight down.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I don't know if this was Clemmer's fault.
Clemmer put his hand out.
It's Clemmer's fault
because he has a thumb that's freakishly long,
and the guy was like, I just got to wrap my hand around that thumb.
Do I have to?
I have to get hands on that thumb.
I never play it against a thumb.
But Clemmer, as you slow it down, he just kind of puts his hand out there.
Whoa.
What?
What the?
Clemmer.
Did he think the thumb was the whole hand?
Yeah, he presents his hand.
He says, do what you want with this hand, sir.
Oh, he straightened it.
He dabbed the thumb with it. The whole he's straight you gotta show respect to that thumb yeah the guy was like i i mean look at the point
and then when clemmer wrapped his thumb around his hand twice
like a boa like that anaconda around mateo the ship captain
but titus you're right it's the other guy fault. He tried to dap just the thumb.
Yeah.
You slow it down.
Clemmer just puts his hand there and says...
This guy's never seen a thumb like that.
Never.
My hand is a blank slate.
Do what you want with it.
And the guy says, I'm going to take that thumb.
He went for the thumb.
What the fucking thumb?
It was a carrot.
It's like playing a flight sim.
It's like when a wrestler gives you his back.
Oh my God.
At what point does Klimmer just stop doing everything else he does?
It has to be now.
It has to be now.
This is my only function of now.
I think he needs to realize this is it.
Everyone has been good.
Let's go all in on this.
Yeah.
Everyone has been good.
I think he's going to colorado next week
when he goes to colorado he needs to take a week and hit the entire the the heartland the western
yeah go to colorado and wyoming west virginia out there no no no no arkansas
mookie's pulling your chain arkansas's over there i'm locked in. Sorry. Not a big deal, Mark, but yesterday his state was New Mexico,
and he went way away from Mexico to find New Mexico.
But he did better today.
He came ready.
I did enjoy the people in this office and elsewhere who were trying to justify
that not being a big deal, like not knowing states.
There was a lot of discourse that was like,
what do you need to know that for?
It's the most common knowledge we can have almost instead of just tapping your chest and be like i should have done that right i did i did why doesn't anyone be like yeah that was
stupid that was stupid i'm not talking about you we're not talking about you but you're right all
these other people are saying like what am i ever gonna need to know that i need to know that for
just look it up and i was like you could look up literally anything then what going to need to know that? What do I need to know that for? I can just look it up. And I was like, you could look up literally anything then.
What do you need to know anything?
And they're like, good point.
That's a great point.
I should just be stupid.
I should just know anything.
I should just know dumb fuck.
Why not just be a total dumb fuck and know nothing?
I don't even know my own name.
I have to look at my ID.
Yeah.
It's written right here.
Why do I need to know it?
Kyle, I'm thinking of a city west of the Mississippi.
Go.
Love this.
West of the Mississippi. Go. Love this. West of the Mississippi.
We'll go Boise.
Very cold.
Very cold.
We'll go El Paso.
Warmer.
Warmer.
We'll go Denver.
Same temperature.
Fresno. Colder. same temperature um fresno colder colder uh aberdeen south dakota i think cold i think i got it titus jump in it's santa fe new mexico still relatively cool uh flagstaff. Colder.
Grand Island, Nebraska.
Warmer.
Omaha.
Warmish.
Warmish.
Still not hot.
What's out in West Kansas?
El Paso, Santa Fe, Denver.
Dodge City.
Or is it Dodge City?
Well, that would be the warmest guess so far.
Dodge City?
That'd be warm.
Is that in Iowa or Kansas?
That's in Kansas.
It'd be warmest.
What's in Oklahoma?
Oh, Norman.
Hot.
Yeah.
Oklahoma City.
Hot.
Tulsa.
That is it.
It's Tulsa.
It's Tulsa, Oklahoma. you ever been uh i have not
been to the state of oklahoma whoa that's one of my states i got i'm at 33 i got 17 left
yeah i've never been there i gotta knock out idaho sometime this summer though so that'll be fun
you need to go west is that yeah i? Yeah, I need the entire northwest.
I need Montana, Idaho, Oregon, Washington.
And then I need the extreme northeast.
And then little bits and pieces here and there.
All right, man.
All right, Brandon.
Do you know, you probably already know,
that there is a Brandon High School in Florida?
Is that in Leesburg?
And a Titusville High School.
I know the Titusville.
Titusville is like kind of a bigger town. I'm proposing a mostly sports bowl.
Oh.
And they're on opposite sides.
They're in the central Florida but on opposite coasts.
Oh, do you think they ever have played at all?
I don't know.
How far away are they, I wonder?
Are they a similar size? Driving don't know. How far away are they, I wonder? Are they similar size?
Driving distance?
Yeah.
Across the state?
Is Brandon High School in Brandon, Florida?
Tampa.
It's in Tampa.
Okay.
And Titusville, I assume, is just a town?
It's on the Atlantic Ocean.
Space.
Over by Daytona and Deltona?
It's big enough that people will be driving through it every so often
and take a picture and tweet it at me.
That's fun. That's fun.
That is fun.
There's a lot.
There's a brand in Mississippi.
I think there's a brand in other places.
What's the most common tweet at you?
We know you.
Yours is killer.
Yes.
That's a great question.
Mine's lookalikes.
Lookalikes, yeah.
Yours is definitely lookalikes. Therealikes yeah yours definitely lookalikes
yeah
there we go
so we could
we could potentially play
yeah
we should
what's in the middle
zoom in
that's Disney
oh the Orlando
yeah
oh yeah you guys should
you guys should host
the game of finances
mmhmm
at Disney
we need to know
if they're similar in size
if this is even feasible because if if you're a 1A and I'm a 6A I think they're similar in size, if this is even feasible.
Because if you're a 1A and I'm a 6A.
I think they're both big schools.
Okay.
I'm positive.
We've got to set this up, Brandon.
All right.
Are there any Kyle – there's no Kyle High School or Bauer High School.
Kyle Texas, right?
Kyle Field.
Kyle Field, yeah.
Well, that's Texas A&M.
Number one toughest place to play according to college football 2025.
Do you agree?
No.
I vehemently disagree.
I think it's LSU.
What's that word?
Vehemently.
Okay.
And I don't know how to use it other than to say I disagree with something.
Can you agree?
Vehemently?
Yeah.
I vehemently agree.
I guess you could, but I think people only disagree vehemently. It's an aggressive agree.ly i guess you could but i think people only disagree
vehemently it's an aggressive agree yeah can you have vim without vigor i was thinking about this
that's a great question brandon thanks um you can't have vim without vigor you've ever had
vim but i have a homie with them is that an acronym i've heard vim and vigor i've heard that
yeah but i don't know what vim is without vigor yeah like strawberry and kiwi
well I think strawberry does fine on its own
strawberry is the
kiwi doesn't
that's a great point
I bring this up like every six months
I've never seen Kyle and his fucking golden kiwis
my mom just bought two 50 pound watermelons
to send to the port
50 pound watermelons
I said last year they cost 200 to ship and she
called me yesterday she says brandon these are too big they're gonna cost me more money and i said
well how big are they she said well they're both over 50 pounds why do i not believe that i don't
know uh first of all that seems like a too big watermelon too heavy but i don't know her to be
a liar about her watermelon sizes she's always been truthful about her melons so i don't really know has she been truthful to you about them
honest to god god damn it what i don't know why am i joking about my mom's titties
i didn't even know you were doing that i was they ain't 50 pounds
so anyway she's sending d Dave his summer melons.
50-pound watermelons.
Big food never equals good.
I'm a big hater of over-
Well, I don't like the gigantic burgers that you stack.
We did that in Michigan.
You can't eat them.
It was just a bad, bad cheeseburger.
It was a bad, bad cheeseburger.
It's not logistically plausible.
You can't have flavor throughout.
It was just like eating.
I'm on the, I think when you shrink a food, it becomes better.
Sliders can be too bunny.
Yeah, I don't like sliders.
I like all my foods the correct size.
Yeah, I think that food's right.
Let me think about that.
Nicky Takes.
Yeah, that feels right.
That does feel right.
Do you include normal-sized chicken as opposed to chicken wings Or do you consider them two different things
I like normal sized chicken wings and normal sized chicken breasts
I want a bag of mini burritos
That's what I want
That's pretty good
Brian when you get a rotisserie chicken
What's the point of attack
How do you go after that thing
You buy that thing that you see on TV to shred it
I just get a paper plate Two washed washed hands, and just tear that motherfucker apart.
Is it two washed hands, Brandon?
And I have a plate full of just delicious chicken.
Just like pulled chicken kind of?
Yeah, I pull it myself.
Rotisserie chicken should be the number one thing eaten in America.
It's five bucks for a chicken.
And it's so good.
It's so fucking good.
It's so readily available.
It's so much better than any other chicken. It's not fucking good. And they're so readily available. It's so much better than any other chicken.
It's not unhealthy, is it?
They're readily available.
Like every Walmart, there's just that big round thing.
We should ask Dan for a rotisserie spit.
Have chickens going.
We shouldn't ask.
We should just tell him we decided on the act today we need a rotisserie spit.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He'll just do it.
Why isn't Boston Market flourishing?
Because that's their bag, right?
To me, theirs is a little, it's too tame. It's not. Why aren't Market flourishing? Because that's their bag, right? To me, theirs is a little, it's too tame.
It's not.
Why aren't they flourishing?
It's not like a.
I think because they do like home cooked meals.
There should be more Boston Markets than Starbucks.
I've only eaten at one Boston Market and I found it to be subpar.
I love it.
I think that might be the problem.
It's not good.
Oh.
It's not that good.
Is that a big issue?
Yeah.
I think if it was good, it would be better.
But they do foods that, like, the best home-cooked chefs create.
Right.
So you compare it to that.
Shay, has Boston Market ever advertised with Barstool Sports?
Not that I'm aware of.
Zah also just told me he had Boston Market for the first time ever this weekend.
Whoa, Zah. Well whoa let Zal weigh in
that was average
yeah
okay good
that is a correct take
anything to write home about
it was fine
it's home cooked meals
not made at home
which will never be
as good as home
take away the whole point
of what makes a home cooked meal
yeah but
you can like in the south
you can go to a restaurant
that has home cooked meals
that are
not a chain though
what's the best chain home-cooked meal?
But those are...
Chain home-cooked meals?
Don't tell me, Cracker.
I don't think it is Cracker.
But those restaurants are probably actually cooked on site.
As if they're cooked at home, yeah.
Yeah, as if they're cooked at home, just at the restaurant.
Whereas Boston Market is like a mass-produced meal.
Can I say something crazy?
Here's your mashed potatoes in a bag.
TJ, so help me fucking God for real.
God forbid. And you already have fucking Quiz Here's your mashed potatoes in a bag. TJ, so help me fucking God. For real. God forbid.
And you already have fucking Quiznos subs in S plus or some shit.
I was going to say.
Sorry, I came in hot.
The food at medieval times.
Nick's going to like this.
It's gas.
It's gas.
It's giant turkey leg.
Yes.
A little mutton.
I've never been to medieval times. Well, a little mutton. A little mutton. I've never been to Medieval Town.
Well, let's go this weekend.
Well, my wife, when we were in Jersey, wanted to take my kids to it.
There's one here.
But I never got around to it.
I didn't know.
They sell the big-ass turkey legs?
Yes, and there's no silverware at Medieval Town.
I swear, I thought the one in Jersey was the only one.
No, sir.
There's also one in Toronto.
And there's one here.
Yes.
Huh.
There's a few around town.
And then, yeah, we'll go.
We'll pillage.
That has another partner.
Have you ever seen pillage without?
Yeah, yeah.
Who's ever just pillaged?
Who's morally pillaged?
Yeah.
If you pee, you have to R.
We pillage, but we do it the right way.
Yeah, yeah.
We're not like those other pillagers.
Can I just kiss you?
Let's kiss and pillage. Let's consensually kiss and pillage, but we do it the right way. Yeah, yeah. We're not like those other pillagers. Can I just kiss you? Let's kiss and pillage.
Let's consensually kiss and pillage.
Can I call you back?
Oh, fuck.
Hey, it's Nick from the pillage.
I thought you were adorable.
Yeah, I didn't want to come on too strong.
I'm the dude who just pillaged you.
Yeah.
Yup.
And then...
Yeah, let's go up to medieval times.
You sit in the section of what night you are.
Do you have to dress up for that?
Or is it just encouraged?
What would you want to do, Mark?
You.
Yeah, you.
I would probably dress up.
Probably dress up.
What do you mean sit in the section of what night you are?
I think it's divided into four,
and then it's like a tournament in the middle of the medieval times.
Okay.
Do you pick a team?
No, it's your section.
So red, blue, black, black and green.
I don't know.
But it is based on what time you get there.
So I think the people that get there early. The knights the green knight wait can i read uh as the fiercest swordsman in the okay
a master of weaponry the green knight of leon leon is gifted in handling all weapons from the crossbow
to the battle axe the green knight lives up to the reputation as one of the most powerful knights of
his kingdom you just like the weaponry i like it all brandon head to toe i love the idea of going here as a group and
they assign you an identity once you get there and like some people get to be like the kings
and other people get to be the peasants you don't know till you get there right you're a peasant
they only serve you slop i like no matter what you do you're like i will give you hundreds of
dollars for a real meal and they're like shut the fuck up and get this slop i remember going on an
eighth grade trip and one of the knights was, like,
earnestly flirting with one of the eighth graders.
He gave her the ribbon on the end of his lance.
In Toronto?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you guys see the big beer games news?
Yes.
Were you guys duped?
Stunning. Stunning turn of events of events what we're in a simulation
yeah don't tell me the cat's there cat and tea cat is there
yup should we live stream it i think it's just uh it's gonna be a recording i think it's coming
out in september yeah uh next next september yeah record it it's a going to be a video. I think it's coming out in September. Yeah.
Next September.
It's a dual feature with Monkey Boy.
They're going to release it whenever the dozen next year is supposed to be.
The night of the dozen draft.
Beer Games drops.
By the way, I don't think the dozen is set in stone. I don't think the draft is a thing anymore.
I think they're just digging around to see what works and what doesn't so we're
gonna figure out uh how what do you mean we're huh what we're gonna yeah wait are you on the board
what does that mean i guess i'm there well we're all part of the dozen we're all i'm a competitor
yeah but we're but you're in the you're you're part of the dozen yeah but we don't have any
as competitors we don't have any say in what no i'm in there i'm in there they're working you
haven't been texting around it about it you haven't been no no no i mean i listen i i haven't
been texting yeah yeah yeah yeah hmm you have jeff d lowe's number saved as domino's pizza so
your wife doesn't catch you.
You wore a Michigan State alumni shirt yesterday.
Yeah, what are you doing?
Trying something new.
Rep in school?
I've realized that people will support people if they realize they went to the same school.
They do.
And so I have a lot of alumni shirts now.
And so on the off chance this is somebody's first time, they're like, oh, fuck, I love Nick. I went to USC too.
I got like five followers yesterday that are MSU alums.
So your first two were Michigan State and USC.
I did Tennessee before as well.
But, I mean, the shirts are available to anybody.
What's the number one school that works on, Texas A&M?
I think they would know.
I think it's like a small school because it's just like not many people went there.
A slippery road.
But if you meet someone at a bar and you think he's a real piece of shit
and then you find out that he went to the same school you did,
you're like, oh, dude, I had it all wrong.
You're actually –
Yeah, you're one of us.
What school would be like –
you going to the same school as me overshadows everything else.
I feel like Penn State fans will look at a certain –
I feel like it's any school.
It really just might be any school, yeah.
That was silly.
Penn State fans will never overlook certain things.
No, that's not their nature.
Who's the only SEC football head coach who is from the same city that he coaches in?
This is a good one. This is a good one.
This is a good one.
Well.
I want to get it before Brandon.
I want to get it before Brandon.
Hold on.
I don't think Kirby Smart's from Athens.
Is it Kirby Smart?
He's from Decatur County.
Wait, you know all the coaches too?
Well, I was looking this up to try to quiz you in case we had to.
All right, all right, all right.
Hold on, let me go through the coaches.
So DeBoer, no.
Argyle, no.
Kiffin, no.
LSU, no.
Florida, no.
South Carolina, no.
You got me.
Is Clark Lee from Nashville?
It's Clark Lee.
Yep.
Nice. Good deductive. I don't know how I got that. No Clark Lee from Nashville? It's Clark Lee. Yep. Nice.
Yep.
Good deductive.
I don't know how I got that.
I do know how.
And I didn't realize they had the quarterback from New Mexico.
Diego Pavia, yeah.
Who was fun to watch.
They're going to be interesting this year, Vanderbilt.
Probably bad.
Bad, but interesting.
And that beats bad, but uninteresting.
Yeah.
I think we might just be bad.
Mississippi State's going to be bad.
We're going to score a lot of points, but I don't know how good our defense is
I'm worried, I'm worried, by September I'll be good to go
but right now I'm worried
you guys are going to be pretty good
West Virginia
yeah you got to narrow it down man
you think so?
pretty good, I hope so
quarterback's good
took you a while to realize that
took you a while to realize that
coach saved his job last year a while to realize yes it did coach saved his job last year i think you guys extended him you guys
open with penn state yes scary that's a big one at penn state you said that you said it would be
close last is that home it was close last yeah it was it was it was like they covered the spread at
the end they did yeah yeah it's at home we'll see what goes all right i want to get to a couple games this year i'm
going around all my alumni trying to do a day in a beers thing i'm picking out my alumni i'm
picking out where i went to school taking them beers when a tornado strikes yeah any disaster
i dreamed of a torn i dream of tornadoes a lot yeah yeah tornadoes happen in my dream all the
time the other day i was just walking down the street and a tornado was on the other side of the street, like walking.
Oh, just had legs?
No, but whoever was in the dream with me said,
look over there, and the tornado just started at human size
and then just blew up into a big.
Oh, that's never good.
Do you ever get tornado varieties?
Like is there ever like slices of pizza in the tornadoes?
That would be crazy.
No, but I'll get the pencil tornado tornadoes i'll get the big tornadoes i'll get the tornadoes that
you're just not gonna escape from and it's gonna kill you is there a team that uses the nickname
the tornadoes uh the golden tornadoes who are the golden tornadoes tulsa i was thinking you were
gonna get the mississippi high school that's the Golden Tornadoes. Oh, Butler County, Pennsylvania.
Ah, okay.
Laurel High School and the Laurel High Golden Tornadoes.
I thought you were going to get that, and it was shocking.
Really?
Yeah, that's where Clinton Portis was born.
Wow.
But he moved away before he got to high school.
Did you guys get woken up by the thunder today?
Yeah, 7.30 on the dot.
I just don't understand why they traded Giddy.
This little treat.
Yeah, he's here now. He's here just don't understand why they traded Giddy. This little treat. Yeah, he's here now.
Oh, we do have Giddy.
What's the difference between a tornado and a cyclone?
Cyclone is a hurricane.
Cyclone, typhoon, and hurricane
are the same thing in different oceans.
A cyclone is just the general spin of everything.
It depends on what ocean they're in.
Iowa State being called the Cyclones is a misnomer?
Like they don't actually get cyclones in Iowa?
No, a cyclone is what a tornado is, right?
It's a spinning vortex of death.
I thought the cyclone was the type of – that's a tropical cyclone.
But then a tornado is a non-tropical cyclone, correct?
Don't get me started on typhoons.
Oh, no.
But why is Iowa State the cyclone, then?
Hey.
Yeah, why are they?
Because there's never been a cyclone.
Oh, is it tongue-in-cheek?
Are they meta?
Are they witty down there?
Nobody in Iowa is meta.
No.
Good party school.
Which one, Iowa or Iowa State?
Iowa State.
Oh, yeah.
Iowa suffered an unusually high number of devastating cyclones.
Goddamn.
Struck by a cyclone that comes from Iowa and devastates Evans.
It's weird to name your team after something that ravaged you.
Like the Chicago Fire.
Miami Hurricanes.
New York. Yeah yeah that is weird
you should do what is that what is that noise that is a remote control something
if it's a remote if it's some sort it's got to be spider right if it's a toy
yeah that's causing chaos
but it's only in what is it a drill it's a drill who's drilling
there's titus that's oh titus is right there right there it's always crazy to see
look how nonchalant he's walking brandon what would uh if you have the mississippi state team
was named after a tragedy what would it be heroin uh like some sort of mississippi river flood
probably mississippi the river flood is a cool team the river flood the river flood is a cool
team name yeah west wvu like rock slides or mines? Mine collapse.
Mine collapse?
We'd be the Temple Gats.
Yeah, definitely.
Kent State National Guard. Is he just going to keep doing them?
Has Kent State...
It's kind of a fire name.
The Kent State National Guard.
The Flaming National Guard.
The Golden National Guard.
God damn.
I looked into it, and I got scared.
Yeah, yeah.
I approached the situation, and those guys looked tougher than me.
Blue-collar guys, I will never.
They could tell me whatever they want.
So I just turned around and walked away.
So I have no idea what's going on.
They're probably doing some work up there above that.
I can figure it out if you want.
You're not a blue-collar guy.
You're wearing a Band-Aid.
Conto Band-Aid.
You're wearing a shirt that says the Happiness Project with a Band-Aid on it.
You're not going up to a blue-collar man.
What's up, fellow blue-collar guys?
What's up?
We're going to be able to hear the wind of the first F consonant that they call him.
Climb the ladder, Mook.
Climb the ladder, Mook.
Oh, he's fucked.
We should do a climb the ladder wheel.
I like that.
He's going.
He's just doing it?
Wait, he's just doing it without asking?
A little too bold.
Wait, that was too bold.
Mook.
I like that. Look, that was too bold. I like that.
Look, this guy's pissed.
He's checking out their work.
Looks good.
Damn, he is blue-collar.
Look at that.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
God damn. You think he's the only
blue collar ginger there is?
I don't think there's a lot of blue collar
gingers.
There can't be. I've never had a ginger
plumber. Wow.
Yeah.
I had a plumber roll through my place yesterday.
You're always in need of
some type of home repair a new place though huh yeah it's falling apart man is it leaking it's
leaking from the ceiling the upstairs neighbors they're replacing a pipe but it's a russian
plumber oh so he goes too fast i i i regretted it as soon as i said it that was badass mook how'd
you do that yeah i found the uh perfect place to hang myself on the top.
I was wondering if you were going to whip out a rope.
Remember when you called South Carolina Virginia?
No, it's sturdy.
Your suicide note should just be a labeled map.
No, good dudes, though.
Oh, always are.
I killed it.
Till they're not.
We thought that was too bold at first.
Nah.
I can climb a ladder. Well, we didn. I killed it. Till they're not. We thought that was too bold at first. Nah. Nah.
I can climb a ladder.
Well, we didn't doubt that part.
What were they going to do?
Tear me down?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That would have been crazy.
Or they knock you over like Razor Ramon knocking over Shawn Michaels in 1990. Or even worse, just kind of give you a look that you'll think about the rest of the week,
really.
No, they're the boys.
That would be devastating.
Is that Donnie's? That's not Donnie's brother. Yeah, that is. No, they're the boys. That would be devastating.
Is that Donnie's?
That's not Donnie's brother.
Yeah, that is. That is Donnie's brother.
That's Don, deniably.
That's just Donnie.
Well, I only saw the side of his face,
and there's another intern that looks like both of them.
No kidding.
It's not their brother, yeah.
But that's Chef Donnie's brother.
Where would the Vince McMahon storyline gone
with him dying, blown up in the car,
if Benoit didn't die?
I don't know, but they had just killed him.
Yeah.
And I have no idea.
Maybe there was going to be a fight over the inheritance. Maybe there was going to be a fight over the inheritance.
Maybe there was going to be a fight over the company.
Maybe eventually I assume they would have just said,
oh, I fake my own death just to see how you guys were doing.
How did they get out of it?
They didn't.
They just came out that week.
They just came out and he was alive, and they never once said it.
No, they said it.
They said last week we had a fictionalized version of this.
Oh, they did the fictionalized?
Now we're getting away from that, yeah.
They didn't even try to say.
They retconned it.
That was before they found out about what happened to Benoit, though.
They did a three-hour Raw tributing Benoit's life with a bunch of testimonies, and then
the next day on SmackDown, they were like, that's actually the last time we're going
to talk about him for a while.
What do we got, a ladybug?
Ladybug.
There's a ladybug in there?
First on the act.
Is it in there or on there?
It's on my water bottle.
Oh, nice, man.
Good luck.
I think we've had ladybugs before.
We might have had a ladybug on the yak before, yeah.
Daily show going on for how many years now?
There's been probably five ladybugs.
We've had lanternflies.
We've had lanternflies.
Oh, I hated those.
It's super good luck if you eat it.
We can get Connor Griffin to go through and watch all the episodes and find
the,
let's put out a soup.
We have the week off.
Let's put out best of ladybugs on the yak.
Connor would do that.
Yeah,
we'll do that.
How do you,
what are you supposed to do with them?
Connor?
What do we have?
Uh,
I know he's out.
What do we have cooked up for next week?
Oh yeah.
You're going to orange beach.
I'm going to,
but so is your sister,
but you're not going to be seeing your sister. No. And your sister's also with your daughter and you're not going to orange beach i'm going to but so is your sister but you're not going to be seeing
your sister no and your sister's also with your daughter and you're not going to be seeing your
daughter either i will be this is why i'm going to orange beach what's the vibe at orange beach
uh beach but is it like yeah there's a lot of beaches no it's it's more for its family you
tossing pigskin on the beach is there a is there a plane that goes back and forth and says five
dollar buckets of beer down it?
Love that.
That's the adjective animal.
Great feeling.
The crab in pouring.
The hangout.
Yep.
There's definitely a hangout.
No, my sister and taking my daughter like Friday,
and then we're going to go behind them and just pick up.
You're driving.
I'm going to drive.
I'm flying all the women and the boys are driving.
Nice.
That's fun.
Yeah. You're flying all the women? I'm flying all the women and the boys are driving. Nice. That's fun. Yeah.
You're flying all the women?
I'm flying my wife and daughter down there, yeah.
What does that mean?
That implies you're the pilot.
No, I'm buying them plane tickets, putting them on a plane, dropping them off at the airport, and then I'm driving down there.
I ain't paying $1,000.
Do you take your shirt off at the beach?
Huh?
You take your shirt off at the beach?
This year will be a test.
What does that mean?
It's just, as of now, it's a no.
As of now, Monday and Tuesday, it'll be a no.
By Thursday, probably a yes.
And by Friday and Saturday, I'll definitely be shirtless.
Just get a little too burnt?
I'll just be like, fuck it, I don't care.
Yeah.
But Monday and Tuesday, no chance the shirt comes off.
Change your shirt on the logo, too.
Shirt came off on the logo.
Oh!
Oh, Brandon.
Wow, Brandon. Looks good.
Looks good. What is that shirt?
It looks like Ninja Turtles.
Pretty cool.
Yeah, looks like Ninja
Turtles, which is one of my shirts.
Which is crazy.
I didn't think they had to change them.
I don't think they did.
You weren't even that furious.
I don't think anybody called them after the show.
You were only kind of livid. I don't think anybody called him after the show. You were only kind of livid.
I don't think anybody made TJ call him in anger
and then made Big Cat call him either.
I don't think that happened.
Anybody else want to have anything changed?
You have a funny excuse why.
No, they really captured my perfect square neck beard.
I don't want Botox on mine.
Can we get Botox on Kyle's?
You don't like that wrinkle above your eyebrow?
I hate it.
That's going to make me get actual Botox on Kyle? You don't like that wrinkle above your eyebrow? I hate it. That's going to make me get actual Botox.
Dude, Kyle, that looks just like you.
I know.
It's so good.
I think it looks way more like Jeff than you.
It does look like Jeff.
Are you happy to be in the balloon?
Yeah, I think that's fun.
Yeah, good.
TJ looks good. Yeah. Good. Hmm.
TJ looks good.
Yeah.
Cool guy, TJ, really.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dan's mustache is doing some funny things.
Yeah.
Yeah, the more you look at it.
Yeah.
Huh.
Yeah, Brandon, you look great now with the new T-shirt.
Yeah, I do.
It was definitely the shirt that was the standout characteristic. Yeah, that's you. I now with the new t-shirt. Yeah, I do.
It was definitely the shirt that was the standout characteristic.
Yeah, that's you.
Now there's nothing you could point to and say.
A raving psychotic.
You look like, what is it? I look like the Gary Busey mugshot.
Gary Busey, yeah.
Oh, yeah?
You do look like the Gary Busey mugshot.
Speaking of nothing, the Rattrap's still sitting right there.
It's still set.
It's still set?
It's still set. If anybody still set? It's still set.
If anybody wants to put...
You want to unset it?
Can we put like a Go-Gurt in there?
Oh, Go-Gurt would be so cool.
What?
Yeah, let's rat trap some shit.
Yeah.
Go-Gurt implied that regular yogurt wasn't portable.
You could take...
I could take my regular yogurt wherever you take your Go-Gurt.
Go-Gurt.
Yeah.
Go-Gurt was sickgurt was sick though it was
yeah it was great it was so nice yeah regular yogurt is is one of the more portable foods
there is golly gogurt was in the tube yeah is that right it's just i guess you don't need a
spoon we definitely need a tube is it is it is it no longer a thing did gogurt hit its peak already
is it on the decline i don't think it's sold anymore.
I have a new tube of face lotion
if y'all want to use that.
Yeah, let's drop your face lotion in there.
You want to do face lotion?
Yeah.
Let's do face lotion.
I know you're going to bitch
about losing your face lotion.
You're going to be mad about this.
Well, I'm volunteering my face lotion.
What about just like a ketchup packet?
That's too small.
Why not both?
Yeah.
What's the funniest thing to Rattrap?
A fucking dildo.
I guess Mook's thumb.
I mean, there was a moment in the beginning of the case race when I was coherent and Titus said it.
And I was like, I could do something right now.
I did think somebody was going to do it.
I was like, I can do something right now.
And then I thought about breaking my hand and how inconvenient that would be.
Just a fork?
And then I forgot about it.
I'm just unsetting it to then transport it.
Oh, I see, I see.
Oh, God.
Holy shit.
Good God almighty.
Tines are everywhere.
Oh, my God.
I haven't seen tines destroyed like that since the punt that Deshaun Jackson returned.
Miracle of the Meadowlands, baby.
I can check out the kitchen, too.
Yeah, I want a tube of something.
Paste, toothpaste, hair cream, a salve.
Are there any interns we can sacrifice?
Yeah, a lot. What's that a lot what's that party popper
party oh that'd be so cool oh yes or no i might suck let's try it i mean it's gonna do exactly
what we think the party popper you you just twist and then it pops right right so do you think the
force will pop it? Yeah.
I don't know.
Let's see.
I think we'll have to find out.
Do mice and rats chill ever?
I think mice do.
I don't think rats are chill.
No, they chill together.
I think a couple times in the Redwall series. They definitely see each other in walls sometimes, right?
Yeah.
I feel like they're either fucking or eating.
What's the trope of just the hole
In the bottom of the wall
Did mice make those
Or did they find them
I think cartoons just needed
Somewhere for them to go
Oh
This is about to be wicked
How are you gonna do it
I don't know
What are the pitfalls
I'm not thinking of
None
Just don't worry about it
Okay
I think just do it
It might blow up
It might hit It might ricochet.
Yeah. Shrapnel.
Steven, did we sign
all the waivers?
No, I have a big insurance policy out of myself.
It's going to hit me right in the stink. Do you think it's
too big? No.
Okay. Just drop it.
Yeah.
See? Yeah, that was...
How does adding a rat trap make it worse?
Make it less explosive.
I kind of enjoyed the confetti coming out in multi-colors.
All right, that was a little... You rarely see confetti just easing out of something.
Yeah, that was a seeping confetti.
That would be the best Super Bowl celebration, just trickling.
We did it!
Well, that kind of ruined the rat track.
Yep.
We can get it back.
Brandon, blue.
You ain't good.
I had the blue.
Damn. Damn.
Red.
Well, that was like way...
That was impossible.
Red.
Fuck.
That one was on me.
Ah.
Yellow.
Nobody can do it.
No, we're not very good.
I can do it.
Come on.
Fuck.
I was gonna... Brandon, flip backwards in your chair. Not very good. I can do it. Come on.
Brandon, flip backwards in your chair.
What's behind me? Blue.
Ain't nothing.
Oh!
Yeah, Mook can do it.
Good job, Mook.
Good job.
Red.
Damn.
Let's get five in a row.
Five?
All right, Titus.
Blue.
Yes.
Brandon to me.
Brandon.
Yellow.
Never mind.
It's like an Amish bop it.
Mmm.
Yes.
So everybody's got it, right?
Yeah.
Everybody got one.
Everyone got a... I haven't got one. Everyone got a...
I haven't caught one.
Everyone got a tape?
Give me another one.
Brandon.
Loser has to put their new face lotion in the rat trap.
Red.
Nice.
It's pretty good.
Put one of those body armor powder packets in between Brandon and Nick.
That might be cool.
Titus, can you say it?
Body armor power packets.
Powder.
This might not be good either.
I hate destroying
such a delicious product, though.
I'm having the cucumber lime.
Body armor would be curious about the rat trap,
though. I don't know if they've put
their product through that testing yet.
I don't know if it put their product through that testing yet. Oh.
Ooh.
I don't know if it's heavy enough to set off.
Oh, God. Why not?
Oh, God.
Uh-oh. Oh, fuck.
Ah, well. Yeah, shit.
Took it pretty good.
Great product. Good product.
Good packaging. Very durable. Adorable packet. took it pretty good great product good product good packaging
yeah
very durable
durable packet
yeah the rat trap
is it washed?
I'm starting to think that
dude it didn't
it didn't even put a hole in it
wow
so
great got it
nice
some
maybe we're defenseless against rats?
That's loud as fuck.
Yeah.
I'm going to tell you about...
I have a pottery lesson tonight.
No, you don't.
Yep, 530 in Pilsen.
Come on.
Are you going to ghost it?
No, I'm not going to ghost it.
Do you kind of want to ghost it?
No, I mean, I don't mean not show up I mean Oh ghost it as if I'm dead and
I'm touching and you put a woman in
between are you gonna kill yourself and
then I don't have to I don't have to get
inside whoopee Goldberg do I well you
might is that what happened to him yeah
he got inside whoopee Goldberg so he
went to hell no uh yeah I'm just just trying to learn the wheel a little bit.
Yeah, that's what you say, Frank.
What do you do if you learn it?
Buy your own wheel?
It's a slippery slope, for sure.
What would you pot?
What would I pot?
I think you said it.
What would you set?
I would say pots.
A vase?
I'd probably make vases and ashtrays.
That's what Seth Rogen rogan i was just like right yeah he just gets high and makes pottery look at his bomb and then and that's pretty good
uh whenever and then he sells it for a crazy yeah price yeah he makes like gandalf pipes with
a fucking wheel yeah yeah it's like all right it looks like a more effort than i know everything
takes effort but it looks like more effort than the product you get it's the journey to get there
295 that's that's 200 for a standing oh it's sick yeah you definitely need one of those in your
apartment this is 295 dollars that's insane standing our ashtrays almost extinct he gentrified
smoking weed that's what he did i have an electronic one that electronic ashtray what's it
do it um i don't know it's been you just put batteries in what type of batteries
a gloopy incense burner bundle.
I don't like that.
Who was leaving reviews on this shit?
Who's buying pretty good?
I don't know who's buying this shit.
Who's buying it and then going,
I got to go back to houseplant.com and fucking,
I got to type out my crackle candle by Seth.
I got to type out my standing ashtray review.
Did you guys go through a
de-bowler phase? A what?
A de-bowler phase. Is that an SEC coach?
No.
What is a de-bowler?
A de-bowler is like an ashtray
that has a stick poking out of it so you can
put your bowl from
I was never a weed guy. I never started smoking
until last year. It was a big
phase. Do y'all want a wheel?
Somebody has to buy one of those and present it to somebody as a gift?
An earnest gift?
A DeBowler or something from Houseplant.
Spin the wheel.
And you have to give the gift to Dave Portnoy earnestly.
Yeah, deal.
Elimination.
Yeah, got you something.
Yeah.
Let's figure out what we're buying first
um
yeah
actual
yeah find the product
standing ashtray
$295 standing ashtray
it's for the standing ashtray
for Dave
yeah for Dave
put mook on there twice.
Trying to kill me, dude.
Dude, I'm in the hole from Taco Bell.
Yeah.
I'm in the hole.
Did you actually order food?
Yeah.
What came?
I refunded like half of it.
How much money would you say you ate?
Probably 80 bucks worth.
No.
I went to town.
That's a lot of fucking Taco Bell.
I ate it the next day.
Like a gremlin. Taco Bell the next day
is depressing as fuck. It was terrible.
I was being financially
responsible. I don't think you were.
By eating the leftovers.
Yeah, you were.
But alright, we're doing the standing
ashtray? I don't know, I just said it.
No, it's a good idea. No, let's do it
It's good. Trust your instincts. It's not gonna be us
It won't be me might be you bud
People in the booth to I want to be che that would be the best
Just let's just do one wheel here just one spin one don't you think you want to eliminate
um i think we should
no let's be real no i really i don't want to betray that wasn't i don't want to betray
it's an eliminator it didn't feel like an eliminator spot wait tj can we see the wheel No, let's be real. No, I really do think. I don't want to betray. It wasn't. I don't want to betray.
It's an eliminator. It didn't feel like an eliminator spot.
Wait, TJ, can we see the wheel?
$300 for an Astro you have to deliver to Dave.
I still think we need to have Kate and Big Cat on there.
I do, too.
Yeah, it's a moot wheel.
Yeah, and you've got to put Shay back, too.
Moot wheel.
Let's go ahead and do Big Cat like three or four times
no let's do Big Cat once and let's put Danny Conrad
yeah
Danny doesn't
no caps for Danny
let's get him
Brandon random question while we're waiting for the wheel No caps for Danny. Let's get him.
Brandon, random question while we're waiting for the wheel.
Are SEC cameramen just horny dudes?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
All college football are, but most SEC cameramen are horny dudes. Is that their job, just to find hot chicks?
Oh, there's a hot girl here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's buy what they're told.
They know what they're looking for.
It's genius. Yeah, they know what they're looking for. But what do they do with a school that only has last night and oh well that doesn't exist in the yes it was last night oh tennessee scored a run oh this is
baseball you're talking tennessee scored a run and they they go to uh uh the crowd and it's a
it's a blonde lady bouncing up and down celebrating. And I mean bouncing up and down.
Were her breasts gyrating?
They were bouncing up and down.
And they were.
That's what I was hoping you'd say.
Yeah.
They cut to two girls licking an ice cream cone.
Oh, I didn't see that one.
Just like simultaneously.
They're like, you better get that fast before it melts.
Especially in Omaha, there's a lot of downtime in the college baseball games.
There's a lot of downtime. And college baseball games. There's a lot of downtime.
They'll show everybody in the crowd,
but as soon as they find a good-looking person
or a famous person, it's every other shot.
They milk that shit.
A lot of cities work as terms for tits.
I feel like Omaha's.
Omaha's are two tits.
Knoxville's.
Knoxville's, yes.
St. Pete's.
Chattanooga's. two tits. Knoxville's. St. Pete's. Chattanooga's.
Oh.
Okay.
What else?
I'm trying to come up with something that doesn't work, but they all work.
Chicago's works.
Chicago's works.
Tampa's.
Milwaukee's.
Milwaukee's works.
Twin Cities.
I don't know if that one works.
Des Moines's don't work.
Des Moines's.
Des Moines's don't work.
You've got to pair it.
Des Moines's.
I didn't think Salt Lake City's worked either.
They do.
I'm sure they got the Bismarcks.
Bismarcks work.
Bismarcks work.
Bad.
Bismarcks.
Bismarcks, you see your glare in there.
You can check and see if you have something in your teeth.
Nashville.
She got them college stations.
TJ, what do you think of the jiggle physics?
Hello? Jiggle physics? What do you think of the jiggle physics?
What do you think of the jiggle physics in video games nowadays?
They're pretty good, aren't they? There's a big
controversy about a Fortnite
years ago that had
boobed physics.
They had to patch out
boob physics from Fortnite.
Dude,
Fortnite characters are the most stacked girls in the world.
So, jiggle physics have come a long way?
Yeah, the jubilation emote.
They had boob physics.
Because it used to just be Laura Croft's Porygons, but now.
Oh, those things were pointy as hell?
Yeah.
You guys ever play Leisure Suite Larry?
Oh, yes.
What is that?
I love that game.
Hold on.
It's Leisure Suit Larry, not Leisure Suit.
Yeah, that, that, that.
My bad.
Leisure Suit Larry was just a horn dog, right?
And he would just try to get pussy.
Oh, yeah.
Have you guys ever seen the Fortnite girl characters?
No, not the jiggle physics.
I haven't seen the jiggle physics.
Can you pull them up, dude?
My son's character is like a Star Wars drone with a bucket for a head it's i i don't understand what
he's doing with his life in fortnite it probably cost you three hundred dollars who knows
oh i didn't want to say i i don't know if it should be officially the next uh
big yak tommy walker day's two weeks away oh his birthday is uh is two weeks away. Oh. His birthday is in two weeks.
Oh.
Yeah, that 100% should be the next week.
We do.
That is what we do on this show.
It's your birthday.
We fucking blow it out.
We go crazy.
We do not just have a –
Titus, be quiet.
I was thinking we should just do it for a birthday, especially, Titus.
Don't you think we should?
I think so, yeah.
For Tommy, yeah, we should.
We actually should.
We've got to go big for the birthday
and he's turning 14 so i think that's basically that's basically 21 we should get him drunk yeah
14 is a big age yeah you can smoke weed at 14 right he does yeah have you caught him with weed
no way he wouldn't even know how to smoke i don't know yeah he would 14 i was clean as an arrow i was too no caffeine yeah we should
we should spin the wheel for which vice he should try at 14 um like get him to place a bet alcohol
gambling um alcohol firearms uh yep uh yeah there they are man god bless the sec that is it's almost like she got a direct order to bounce
she got a direct order yeah from who i don't know the bounce coordinator
i'm the sec bounce coordinator that does sound like a real position yeah
she was on bounce cam.
Launch that idea.
All right, ladies.
It's the end of the third quarter, which means it's time for bounce cam.
Let's get those titties moving, ladies.
Smackdown the other night during the break, they had DX cam,
and it was just crotch chops.
Show us your DX, and everybody in the fucking crowd doing that.
That's fucking awesome.
That's sick.
I liked when they debuted when they, as a sports world I'm talking,
debuted the Simba cam, and anyone with a baby would hold it up.
That was cool.
But everyone's doing it now.
I don't want to say it's played out, but it doesn't hit us. And the one guy held his beer up.
Yeah.
But when that debuted, it was awesome. When a and a guy leans into kisses girl then has his beer
fucking ledge yeah doesn't get any better than that do you have a do you have a strategy in
mind for a kiss cam that's the only thing on my mind when i'm at an event with my girlfriend
kyle i swear to god me too it's like what I going to do if I get the kiss came out?
What am I going to do?
I can't imagine.
I can't imagine you Frenching.
And I'm never prepped.
I know it's going to happen to me.
I know it's going to happen to me.
I think you just manifested it.
What's your next event?
What do you do?
Would you make out?
No.
You just go with the light.
But you can't not kiss.
You got to peck.
You got to go with the lip peck. You can't do a peck, dude But you can't not kiss. You gotta peck. You gotta go with the lip peck.
You can't do a peck, dude.
No.
You're a professional
entertainer. You just want to dive into the
what's on? You're on air
every day. Everyone looks at Kyle Bauer and they say
that's the funny man.
I know what you would say. You would give her a
hickey. Oh, that would be awesome.
That is a good idea. That's a give her a hickey. Oh, that would be awesome. Just suck that. That is a good idea.
That's a really good idea.
Wow.
Oh, imagine a hickey cam.
A hickey cam and whoever has the reddest.
You're an artisan with your hickeys, too.
You can make shapes.
Ornate patterns.
You left like Argyle on next.
Paisley.
The team logo.
Oh my god.
Whoever can suck the logo.
Chicago Bulls logo.
I bought like the fake skin that you practice tattooing on to practice hickeying.
Still, I'm not good.
Are the Savannah bananas running out of tricks? they well no they're bigger than ever they're like touring major league are they are they doing like softcore
porn though now like it feels like every clip i see is just like them they got their abs out and
they're like well even the opposing rust is getting popular now yeah the purple team or the
wild things are the wild i don't know what they are.
Yeah, they're like touring major league ballparks when the team's not there.
They'll never go unfresh because they just grab trends from TikTok and do them on the field.
They did movies sit on it.
What's movies sit on it?
You don't let movies sit on it, bro.
I can't say I did. I do know know where nevada is though yeah i know
it's a trade i'm willing to make
i respect that well what is movie our co-worker yeah she she has a her own tiktok friend she has
a special move called sit on it. What is it?
She's like scream sit on it. That's her move. Oh, I think I know it's a screen. It's a scream
Yes, it's like a whole song and dance
hmm, I
Know where Nevada is now. Yeah, you know both. Yeah, you're becoming a was a renaissance man
movie sit on it, and Nevada. Get you a major.
And the Tyler, Dan. Luke's resume.
Get you a major, get you both.
Two bullet points.
Two bullet points.
Nevada.
Expertise.
Nevada, Mubi, sit on it.
Sit on it.
Sit on it.
Yeah, that's.
Sit on it.
Oh, this is awesome.
715,000 likes.
Jeez.
That many people cannot be wrong.
She's at the Beer Olympics.
Yeah, I got the invite.
She's at the Beer Olympics?
I got the invite to the Beer Olympics early on.
That's awesome.
I got asked to go interview them, but I couldn't do it.
Yeah.
No invite at all for Brandon.
No, those guys don't like me.
They don't like you?
Like, genuinely don't like you? Genuinely don't like me. They don't like you? Like, genuinely don't like you?
Genuinely don't like me, yeah.
Is it a football thing?
I don't know.
Like, your personality?
I don't know.
They wish ill?
I don't know if they wish ill.
Has being around Titus,
has being attached to Titus
helped your public image?
I think it's helped me
with the rank and file,
or with the common Barstool fan,
I'm more likable around Titus
than I am,
because, you know, he's such a piece of shit. is that why it has helped me a lot no i don't i have
mostly has helped me with the uh with with because you have moments where that that shine through
where it's like you're not a total dipshit correct yes yes before i came along i had no outlet no
you had no platform to not be a total dipshit. Yeah.
And now every so often.
Do you have to set him up to get those moments, or is he just?
I think if you just keep digging at the mind,
they'll just come through naturally.
Yeah.
But you got to dig a lot.
You really got to dig.
Speaking of shows where I'm a total dipshit,
I'm bringing wrestling back. What? After 4th of July, I've had a total dipshit i'm bringing wrestling back what whoa after fourth of july i've
had a producer reach out and say he'll do it for free wow you might as well i'm just gonna fucking
do it i mean wrestling is at the hottest it's the hottest it's ever been it seems like it's ever
been in my life it's time to do it so i'm just gonna do it is it easy for you too like there's
not much prep you're watching it anyway yeah i'm talking about it anyway i think we're just gonna nobody's listening anyway right right i'm gonna
release it on like saturday so i'll just i'll just do perfect time to release a podcast nicky
the good well i got a podcast on every other day so why not saturday or sunday uh and then i think
some people that are so used to you from watching you on quick picks aren't going to understand that
you're a wrestling guy as well i don't think that's going to be an issue.
Okay.
I think I should be able to navigate that one pretty easily.
How much has changed since you last recorded an episode of wrestling?
Wrestling is much bigger than it was.
What was the last episode you did?
Like 2022, April of 2022.
It was the MJF interview.
Oh, it got like 300,000 views.
One thing to consider, though, when you had it the first time,
the market wasn't as saturated as it is now.
So you have to navigate that.
But I'm Brandon Walker.
You'll cut through?
Yeah, I'll always cut through.
Okay.
Always cut through.
So Nikki the Good is doing it for me.
If you weren't a podcaster, would you yourself, as a wrestling fan,
listen to a wrestling podcast?
That's almost exclusively what I listen to now.
Really?
I listen to two outside Barstool podcasts.
One's a wrestling podcast.
One's a movie podcast.
Okay.
Those are the two I listen to outside of our umbrella.
I don't listen to podcasts.
I do.
For an hour and a half right in, they're pretty perfect.
Yeah.
I find it just being like, oh, I hear a podcast every day. Yep. podcasts i do i for an hour and a half right in they're they're pretty perfect yeah yeah i find
it just being like oh i'm i hear a podcast every day yep like this is i'm listening to a pod but
i i guess i guess i like i talk to y'all every day i like hearing other voices oh yeah there's
some good ones there's some informative ones like conrad thompson's wrestling podcasts are all great
okay conrad thompson's a good name for a wrestling fan yeah he's one of the best he's awesome a nice guy too i'm a big podcast guy while i eat dinner whoa oh because
you're alone yeah fuck you're never alone when you're with YouTube, bro. That's right.
YouTube is a constant stream of I'm not by myself.
I'll turn on Bad Friends.
That's my guilt. That's your thing?
Yeah.
Bobby Lee and Santino.
They're good, yeah.
They're great.
Yeah.
I've been watching a lot of old sports on YouTube.
I've been watching a lot of 1980s and 90s basketball.
Does it hold up?
Yes, it does.
As far as the entertainment value?
I just like watching
Harry Carey slurs way through a,
and I don't mean in that way,
but slurs way through a broadcast.
I didn't know that his estate
bought back the ball
that was the fan interference ball.
The Bartman ball?
Yeah, that his estate
bought it back
and they blew it up
and the remnants are in his steakhouse or whatever.
I don't know that either.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I think so.
I think it was a big event to blow it up.
I remember them blowing it up.
I didn't know Harry Carey's estate was involved.
I don't think so.
Was it Harry Carey's restaurant?
Yeah.
Which probably is.
Probably a steakhouse.
Everybody gets a steakhouse.
You think it's the same Harry Carey?
Mm-hmm.
The Harry Carey's restaurant that was right next to Wrigley Field?
Do you think that was the same Harry Carey? Coincidence.'s restaurant that was right next to Wrigley Field? Do you think that was the same Harry Carey?
Coincidence.
That was the Cubs announcer?
We'd have to look.
I don't know how we'd know that.
Does Dick still have a steakhouse here?
Does Michael Jordan still have a steakhouse here?
Michael Jordan does, yeah.
Is it a good steakhouse?
They all have restaurants, right?
Pittsburgh has a run back.
If you make three all-star teams or something, you can open a steakhouse.
What is the lowest level athlete that gets a steakhouse?
I don't know.
I went to Andre Dawson's frozen yogurt place.
A.J. McCarron has a steakhouse.
A lot of athletes who are subpar make restaurants.
Tony Kukoc's ramen.
He's not a subpar athlete,
but I saw Emmitt Smith is opening a steakhouse in Vegas. Or a restaurant of some some sort i don't know just said coming soon emmett smith emmett's
josh giddy's dino nuggets yeah that's yeah he does he just does kid cuisine
i met emmett smith at a signing one time at a you know pay 30 get your picture with him
and i it's the only athlete that's ever done this.
I walked up and said, hey, man, big fan.
And he just stared forward.
And I said, all right, you want to take a picture?
And he just stared forward.
And I put my arm around him, and they took the picture.
I said, thanks, man.
He just stared forward.
You were at a wax museum.
Yeah.
Brandon was at Madame Trusset.
$30.
He met Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and they all gave him the cold shoulder.
Justin Bieber would look at him.
It was SEC media days.
It was a big deal that he was there.
And it was at night.
And he talked to everybody else, but he did not talk to me.
Every president was there?
What?
That would ruin my decade.
It was bad.
That sucks. How old were you? It happened in 2014. That would ruin my decade. It was bad. It sucks.
How old were you?
It happened in 2014.
I remember when it happened.
Oh, you were too old.
Wait, that's not meet nor greet.
Why was it not meet nor greet?
If he just sat there, that's not meeting or greeting.
I greeted him.
You met in Gret, for sure.
I have the picture, and he's just blank-eyed.
You have the picture?
I don't know where it is.
It's a fine print where he doesn't have to meet or greet you.
You just meet or greet him.
Let me see if I can find it.
Did he smile?
No, he didn't do anything.
He just stood there like he was programmed to take a break during that moment.
Hmm.
I've got to find it.
You have to get up
to find it?
Oh, you threw your phone
because you were texting
Jeff D. Lowe.
Are you guys,
I got the new update
and there's a feature
in iMessage
that records what you say
and I do it accidentally
every day.
Uh, yes.
And then there's like,
it's so easy to just send it.
That's dangerous.
Yeah.
What is it?
Every time I...
Where are those?
Voice memo, right?
No.
Or voice to text.
It's really easy to push.
I don't even know how to do it on purpose.
Yeah, my grandma's been doing that to me.
The premier time to talk shit about someone
is after they send you a text that you don't like.
It's gonna fuck me.
Okay, so let me...
You don't talk shit a lot, do you, Kyle?
No.
Let me try this it just you good brenda oh
huh check check check i can't figure it out
by the way my uh driving test yesterday was very simple. Oh, yeah? It was much ado about nothing.
I walked in.
I said, I'm from out of state.
I want a new license.
They're like, here you go, sir.
Well, you didn't take a test.
I didn't have to take a test.
I had to do the vision thing.
You put your forehead on the thing and then read the line.
That's it.
That was it.
No written test at all.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, damn.
Nothing to worry about for you guys when that time comes.
Mine's not.
My license expired, though, so I think I'm going to have to retake the test.
Oh.
Yeah, that might be different.
I don't know.
But I think I would rather do the written test than the driving test.
The driving test would suck.
Yes.
I couldn't parallel park right now.
Can't at all.
The last time I parallel parked was my driver's test.
I feel way more confident in telling you what I'm supposed to do,
but then when you're driving, you're always breaking the law at all times.
At all times, you're rolling through stop signs and fucking not turn signaling soon enough.
Did you guys fail at all when you took it?
I failed my first time.
I failed the written one.
I failed the written one.
Failed the written, passed, failed the actual driver's test the reason i had the fear yesterday was because when i turned
16 i was one of the older guys uh in my class you know i had like one of the first birthdays or
whatever so like of all my friends i was one of the first guys to get their license or supposed
to be and i i was the guinea pig i didn't realize how hard the indiana test was and there were
questions about like semis with hot brakes and like oh shit you're supposed to put your turn signal on is it 200 feet before you turn 175 feet 150 so i went into it i
was like i'm not gonna study this is gonna be fucking easy i missed like five or six you can
only miss four i didn't get my license till two months after i turned 16 and then i got clowned
by and then i told all my friends and then they studied and then they all got their license they
all think you're done they all think think I'm a dumb, dumb bitch.
And maybe I am.
And I've had to carry that with me for 20 years now.
Were you a dumb bitch then?
21 years.
You're not now?
Holy shit.
21 years.
21 years I've carried that trauma.
And I've got to be honest, I feel free now just getting that off my chest.
Good for you.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
So you're 37?
I'm 37, yeah.
What channel was 37 for you growing up? What year are you in 37? I'm 37, yeah.
What channel was 37 for you growing up?
What year are you in?
What channel year?
Great question.
What's your channel year?
I don't remember. That's got to be A&E or something.
I have a guess, but not positive.
Nickelodeon was 42.
That might be like history.
I was a 36 Nickelodeon guy.
Yeah.
I was 29.
37 was probably.
29 was ESPN 2.
ESPN was 12 for me.
36 was Nickelodeon. It was 37 TLC. 29 was ESPN 2. ESPN was 12 for me. 36 was Nickelodeon.
It was 37 TLC.
It was?
Yeah.
I think it was.
Yeah, it was.
They used to not have, my TV used to not have ESPN and ESPN 2 by each other.
It drove me crazy.
That's horrible.
ESPN was 2 and then ESPN 2 was 47.
ESPN 2 was 2 for you?
No, ESPN was 2.
ESPN was 2? I like that priority on ESPN.. ESPN 2 was 2 for you? No, ESPN was 2. ESPN was 2?
I like that priority on ESPN.
Ours was 21.
Yeah.
I don't know how it worked out that way.
Was ours 21?
27.
27.
Who's this motherfucker?
Channel 2.
Yeah, this guy's getting a fucking tour, huh?
AJ, I sent you that picture.
You want me to stance up?
He just stood there the whole time.
He looks happier than you, Brandon. he looked he just stood there the whole time
he stood like that the whole time yeah he never moved he didn't reach out and touch the football
he didn't reach out and touch anything touch my football with everybody else he held the
other half of the football it was a dish meet and greet i guess maybe he was nervous maybe he's nervous to
meet you i i don't know but i i was you look like someone how long you wait in line for this oh
25 minutes 30 minutes that's that's a while spent a hundred dollars yeah well i got a meal too
it was a but it was a whole event whole event yeah
yeah subpar barbecue like a barbecue sandwich with baked beans did you go alone i did wow i
did i was going to most things alone at that point yeah i feel that dude yeah yeah being alone's the
best i love it it's It's elite and also awful.
Yes.
There are times when I'm like, I have no clothes on, I'm eating wings, watching my shit.
And that's elite.
That's elite.
Yeah.
And then there's times where I'm like, I need to look at someone in the face.
I need to talk to someone.
I'm going crazy.
What's the longest you've gone without human interaction?
Like seven days.
I think I've gone, when I was living in Columbus.
I think longer than seven days.
Yeah, I've gone a week.
Yeah.
I bet you COVID, some people were doing months.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Some people are still going.
I was alone for a good amount of COVID.
My roommate fled to his shore house and just left me at our apartment for like six months.
Motherfucker had a shore house?
Yeah.
Why didn't you go?
I kind of liked being alone. Yeah. being alone really and then i got i like i went crazy to dinner alone and i like going to movie dinner alone's great dinner with a book
yeah i used to movies alone are the best movies alone or no are the best way to... No, I feel creepy. Really? Yeah, I feel like people think I'm the shooter.
They do.
But you're not.
But any... If I see a solo guy
rolling into a flick,
I'm looking for the exit signs.
I just...
I like watching a movie
and not having someone
tap me on the shoulder
and say,
who's he?
Yeah.
When a character comes on screen
for the first time.
Yeah.
So being alone
is great for that.
I don't love dinner alone.
That's a thing.
It's usually the opposite.
Like dudes love to tell their girl like,
oh, that's...
This is where Aragorn broke his foot
when he was kicking the helmet.
Yes.
Yeah.
I had a recent breakfast alone
where I had my headphones on
and I was working through a breakfast special.
That's nice.
And it was a packed restaurant, and I was like,
oh, I look like a psychopath right now.
With the headphones in?
Headphones in, mashing eggs together with home fries,
fucking gulping on coffee.
That's nice, though.
A good diner.
It was.
I take for granted going to bed at a reasonable hour
and my girlfriend's function
and getting me to go to bed at a normal time.
I find when I'm alone, I will stay up until like 3 a.m.,
just sitting on the couch watching whatever's on television,
and then I look up and I'm like, ah, shit, it's late.
I'm up until 2 or 3 every day.
Yeah.
And then it hits me.
I'm like, why am I staying up late?
Because she's not the one to be like, that's good. Oh, god damn it. It then it hits me. I'm like, why am I staying up late? Because she's not the one
to be like,
that's good.
Oh,
god damn it.
It's time for Ben.
What?
The guy who made
the perfect sandwich video
that relaxes me
died today.
Oh,
I remember him.
The Irish guy?
Rusty's the Irish sandwich man.
That's sad.
That was really good.
Let's make a sandwich
and don't cut it diagonal
today for him.
What's today?
It's a special day.
June 25th?
Yeah, June 25th will be that.
That will be that day.
Sandwich day.
He's got to be the most famous guy to die on June 25th, surely.
Yeah?
You have a –
Surely there's no one.
Who is – who?
Is it JFK?
Is this around Michael Jackson death day?
Oh, it is Michael Jackson death day.
Oh, nine?
I remember where I was.
I left work.
I was giving out putters at Foggy Bottom Mini Golf Course.
I was working at the Daily Journal in Tupelo, Mississippi.
I was in...
I hated it.
We got to hit a couple ads.
We got five today.
Why don't you relax?
Yeah, that was a bit much.
But he said it like sexily, morning voice. We got five today. Why don't you relax? Yeah, that was a bit much. But he said it like sexily,
morning voice.
NASCAR Salutes concludes this
weekend in Nashville.
The entire racing community rallies around
NASCAR Salutes to show appreciation
and gratitude to veterans and the active, brave
men and women who fight to protect our country.
NASCAR will be hosting troops from
Fort Campbell at the race.
Tune in on June 30th at 3.30pm Eastern on NBC. Don't miss NASCAR will be hosting troops from Fort Campbell at the race. Tune in on June 30th at 3.30 p.m. Eastern on NBC.
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All right, let's do your other real quick.
What's Shea got for me?
It's birthday related.
What's my... It's all birthday's birthday related what's what's my
it's all birthday it describe your perfect birthday at this age
uh not dying the perfect birthday the day itself yeah my perfect birthday uh is there
uh what's your favorite type of birth oh hey oh what's your favorite type of birth? Oh, hey! What's up?
I can't hear you. Uh-oh.
Now, try again.
Hi.
Beer Games update.
Bad.
Really bad.
Like worse than Case Race?
Yeah.
Because the Case Race, at least I didn't
lose till the end. All PFT
and I have done is just lose.
How many events did you compete in?
We've competed in two
so far, but every event has so
much fucking beer.
We played flip cup with a full
pitcher. How many beers deep?
Two games.
How many beers deep would you say you are?
Like 10 or less?
Eight or nine.
Wow. Oh, fuck. It's early.
Like an hour. Oh, boy.
I'm close to having to blow my nose.
Well, luckily,
I mean, you
still have tomorrow to bounce back, right?
Don't the games continue tomorrow?
Yeah, no, it's it's
actually a week-long event oh how's the talent this was a good it's just all offensive linemen
did you do the sit on it literally every single person we've gone up against is 300 pounds in a free cast. Yeah, that's tough to beat.
I beat Quentin Nelson in the chug-off, though.
Whoa. Is Tommy trying to climb the social ladder there?
Yeah.
Yeah, he's being a weirdo.
It's actually very uncomfortable being around him.
Who's the drunkest?
Drunkest so far?
Probably Hank.
Hank got added last night,
and I've never seen someone's face drop harder
when I told him that he was competing.
He was so upset.
Was he at two or three?
Yeah, he's had a beer and a half.
Yeah, just fucking.
Oh, Hank has a good face. So when are you back? Yeah, he's had a beer and a half. Yeah. Just fucking. Hang on.
So when are you back?
Thursday.
We are interviewing Joe Burrow.
That wasn't a ruse.
For real.
But I really wish I was with you guys and not drunk in Nashville.
With Waka Flock and Flame is way bigger than I thought.
He's Basic guy.
He's long.
Yeah. Basically,
I'm a small dude
in this event. So then just do the
math on what PFT is.
It's a bad scene.
Oh, microscopic.
Naked. Invisible
to the naked eye. Are y'all playing country
or rap? What? Music. What kind of Yeah. Invisible to the naked eye. Are y'all playing country or rap?
What?
Music.
What kind of music are we listening to?
There's no music on right now.
I don't know why.
There should be music.
This is a whole setup for Will and Taylor to invite people to beat them in beer games
because they're somehow the one seed.
So, yeah.
But I'm having fun. I'm having fun with the boys i i miss you guys i wish i was with you guys um we're gonna probably play beer pong in a minute
get our ass kicked in that too i can't figure out my camera so if you have to blow your nose
does that disqualify you or can you keep going um pft might have already had an allergy attack
after the three beer chug oh no we're good. That should be an event in and of itself, the blow on your nose.
That should be – I mean, that takes a certain skill.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Big Cat World.
I agree.
Yeah.
I agree.
You won the gold medal.
Taylor LeJuan owes me his famous sourdough starter.
Can you ask me about that?
He said he was going to mail me his sourdough starter.
I got you.
I got you.
I got you.
Thank you.
His house, too, is so nice.
But then he has, like, people, like, if you walk in the door, they're like, hey, don't
come in here.
So.
Like, people who live there?
No, I think he has security.
He has, like, a cop out front.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we'll probably get arrested, too.
Nice.
All right.
I miss you guys. I miss you, too, Kat. Yep. Good luck get arrested too. Nice. All right, I miss you guys.
I miss you too, Cat.
Yep.
Good luck, Big Cat.
Best of luck.
Go for broke.
Go for islands and bounces.
Don't worry about the simple game.
Tweet a picture of you shooting a snot rocket.
Okay, all right, I will.
And also, David Bakhtiari is probably going to beat me up,
so that's going to suck.
Yeah.
He claimed I had beer on my shirt after the beer
chug and i was like dude it's sweat you wouldn't know anything about it you've been on the ir so
long and he was not happy about that oh yeah yeah i would do it this is a problem you get me drunk
around guys bigger than me i'm gonna talk shit still and and it's going to end up bad. You getting beat up would be funny.
Come back here with the class.
Yeah, I got beat up.
Beer Olympics were good, but I got beat up.
So funny.
Casual beat up.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
What's up?
Physique.
I didn't notice that.
He's with Glennie Balls.
He fucking advanced to the semis.
Holy shit.
He's Balls' teammate?
Damn. Who's teammates with Balls. He fucking advanced to the semis. He's Balls' teammate? Damn.
Who's teammates with Balls' teammates?
So many people dropped out at the last second.
Yeah.
Rick told me that he texted Will on Monday.
He's like, hey, dude, am I supposed to be at the Beer Olympics?
And Will was like, oh, shit, and then just sent him a flight.
Oh, my God.
All the best beer drinkers I've ever still made a deal.
That would be fun as fuck if it was on your birthday.
Yeah. That's a good birthday party. That was awesome, maners I've ever still made. That's awesome. That would be fun as fuck if it was on your birthday. Yeah.
That's a good birthday party.
That was awesome, man.
I'm having a great time, though.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah, thank you, Dan.
All right.
See you.
Unbelievable.
So Will O'Compton just fucking hates my guts, huh?
That's your association with Brandon.
It has to be.
That might be it for real.
He fucking hates my guts.
I won't take it personally.
I still love Will. He seemed like a good level of drunk. Yeah. He fucking hates my guts. I won't take it personally. I still love Will.
He seemed like a good level of drunk.
Yeah.
He's having fun.
I thought they were going to add you once Will Do It dropped out.
Is Big Cat just a drunk now?
Yeah, he's kind of on a run right now.
He's inside a week.
His days off from hammering beer were spent in the sphere.
That's right. So, like, he's drunk as fuck, beer were spent in the sphere. That's right.
So he's drunk as fuck, go to Vegas in the sphere, drunk as fuck.
Wow.
Yeah, it's the last like five days.
You still miss the sphere?
Oh, dude, that's all I think about.
That's why I'm so dejected on my birthday.
It's like I can't even.
Late in time, that's right.
It should have been on your birthday.
It should have been on my birthday, yeah.
I can make it up to you. You want to get dinner tonight?
No.
God.
Imagine that, Titus.
Wait, let's spin the wheel and see who has to buy Dave
that ashtray.
I want to forget about that. I would get dinner with you
someday, Mook. Let's do the wheel.
I'm going to hit another ad, Shay. Is that okay?
Mook's good conversation. Impro you know did you know you can get tickets to philly's
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can spin the ashtray wheel or we can just tell dan that he shouldn't have to do it no dan's buying
us the uh rotisserie chicken that's right that's right oh we should ask him he's so drunk
he's gonna say yes He's going to say yes. He's going to say yes.
Come on.
Hey.
Sit. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, that's great.
What sauce are you using for rotisserie chicken?
I just like it.
I like it by itself.
You had to pick.
Dude, I get a rotisserie, and I just hand grip it in the mouth.
Make sure I get as much skin on as I can.
You're going dry though?
I think I go dry too. Go on ranch.
Ranch and hot sauce. Yeah, ranch is good.
Uh oh.
I'm still on there, huh?
That's probably good because between me and you guys
Big Cat's been saying he needs to
curtail his spending a little bit.
No.
There it goes.
Come on!
Clicky.
Yes!
Well, now I want it to be Danny Conrad.
I want it to be Danny.
Yeah.
There we go.
I hope it's not Mook for his sake.
I mean, I'm going to have to take out a fucking loan for this shit.
That would be terrible.
Yeah, but it's your boss, man.
Dave doesn't know who I am.
He thinks I'm Kyle.
Enright.
I hope not.
Oh.
What were you about to say?
Fuck Kyle.
There you go, Moose.
There you go, Moose.
I want Danny.
Or Kate.
Kate would be great.
So do you send it to him and say thanks for being a great boss?
Yes. Or do you wait for him to be here?
You send it to him.
And maybe some...
A letter.
A letter.
Handwritten note, yes.
Yes.
Oh, perfect. Good on him. Perfect. Oh, my God. Is Ron right here? note, yes. Yes. Oh, perfect.
Good on you.
Perfect.
Oh, my God.
Is Conrad here?
Yeah, he's here.
Best of?
Seven.
Seven.
That was a seven, yeah.
Oh, this is nice coloring.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck.
Okay.
That's good
I want it to be Danny
Right
Yeah he's got one
Oh
No no no
That's bad
Now it's one one
I want it to be you
Yeah
You like uh
Yellow and
Green
Lemon lime
Sprites of
Very good soda
Since when are you a soda guy
I don't know why I said that.
Fuck.
If I do have to, I drink a Sprite.
I don't know why you don't have to.
Yes.
Gun to my head.
God damn it, Dan.
Drink this fucking soda.
Kato will be good, though.
Yeah.
Two. 3-2 3-2
There it is
Cade has to buy the standing ashtray
For Dave
I didn't watch the hockey game last night You should have There it is. Cade has to buy the standing ashtray for Dave.
I didn't watch the hockey game last night.
You should have.
Was it good?
It was pretty great.
It was pretty great?
It was awesome.
The last six minutes when it was 2-1 and the Oilers had the advantage and were all but scoring was thrilling.
But then they just never scored.
Do Nicky Smokes and Dave legitimately hate one another?
I think Dave nothings Nicky Smokes,
and Nicky Smokes is playing the role a little bit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Nicky Smokes throwing biz out of that bar was hilarious.
Yeah.
I don't know if you saw that, but.
No.
What is he up to now?
Well, he tweeted that he's not coming back for a while yeah he's like i'm
partying all week i don't give a fuck okay which is very different from what he does normally yes
and when he's here yeah what was the tweet that's exactly what i think that was i'm partying all
week i don't give a fuck about work correct something like that i don't think he said the
phrase about work i think it was, but it was in there.
And then he just posted like a shirtless photo.
Right now?
Yeah, like five minutes ago.
The next day, a shirtless photo?
There we go.
Oh, an hour ago.
Well, he's hairier than I thought.
There was always cats at seven, bitch.
Yes.
He needs to keep hats on.
That hairline's not doing great.
It'll be all right.
Wait, scroll up?
More?
The video game?
Oh, I thought he just had a towel on.
I thought he was completely naked.
That's a reckless move.
That can't be allowed.
He's sober.
I mean, good for smokes, I guess.
This is...
He deserves it.
This is what he...
Yeah.
Trolling Dave is his one card to play, I guess.
Oh, what if that just...
Floated away?
Floated away.
That'd be crazy.
A Stanley Cup in Miami?
Where's the...
He did. He might have deleted it no way
no way it's not there
oh there it is
I don't
all fuck week I don't give
a fuck 4k's Kyle you would have
tweeted this we're partying all fuck week
ironically I don't give a
fuck see all that.
At three parade.
Back to Chicago.
Congrats, Nicky Smokes.
No.
Why?
His team won.
Congrats, Big T.
And Big T.
Congrats, Big T.
Polar opposites, Big T here today.
No, no, no.
I got here at 830.
Big T was today. No, no, no. I got here at 8.30. Big T was already here.
Big T was in
Omaha partying at
2.30 a.m. and was here
at 8.00. Oh, shit.
Did he drive? He never went to sleep.
Got a 5.45 flight
and then was just here.
It was the first thing I saw when I got here this morning.
Beast.
Angry Orchard's still on the breath.
Yeah, his voice was gone.
He had no voice, and he looked like he had been out drinking.
Best part of Tennessee winning is the Big T lighting the cigar video resurfacing.
I love it.
I'll watch it a thousand times every time I see it.
The PFT fan cam of it was so good.
Remember the noise you made? watched it a thousand times every time the pft fan cam of it was so good that's so good
arian produced this beat no way oh really
the trump shirt The Trump shirt.
So good.
That's a sick shirt.
It's awesome.
Oh. it's awesome oh that video still shocks me too what a laser god damn he threw that thing hard uh Brandon give me give me a real assessment is is Big T actually I'm not being accusatory here I want I want a
fair assessment do you think he actually does care about Tennessee baseball winning the
national championship, or is this a case of I ultimately deep down want the
football team or the men's basketball team, but I'll take what I can get?
So I think he's just like me.
I think I would take football and basketball first, but for his sake,
as long as that tee is playing, he's going to be all in for whatever.
Seeing the orange be victorious.
Seeing the Orange win, like Mr. State three years ago,
if that's what we're going to win, I'm going to be there.
Who's deep down at their core happier,
Nicky Smokes or Big T?
Big T.
Big T by a mile.
Big T is happier for Tennessee.
Nicky Smokes is just happier.
Also, Omaha looks like a blast omaha is fucking elite that's all
amazing yeah that's on like my bucket list now like that that that stadium is right in the middle
right in the middle of downtown and surrounded by bars and restaurants like good bars and good
restaurants and just it's a party every night and not like a wild crazy party but just like a good
good mood party it's a crazy crop of people coming together. Yeah, it's eight fan bases,
and they could be eight fan bases from eight parts of the country.
This year it was all the southeast, but it's just a great fucking time.
Yeah.
We were there for two weeks, DJ?
What?
I think it was 15 days.
We went to like 22 baseball games.
Saturday to Thursday.
It was.
The next.
And we did a live show every day.
It was a lot.
Yeah.
I'm not on the act if I don't go to Omaha, though.
It's true.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Hell yeah.
Oh, yeah.
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I have big news.
Yes.
This isn't going to be big news.
This might be minuscule. This have big news. Yes, this isn't going to be big news. This might be
minuscule.
This is big news. I have been
invited to the playpen.
What playpen? The
boats. The boat playpen. The Donald's
play area for children?
No. The big boy
boat. Oh, where all the boats
are? Who invited you to the playpen?
Who invited you? A human invited you?
One of my boys. Your boy? In two weeks, I will you to the playpen? Who, a human invited you? One of my boys.
Your boy?
In two weeks, I will be at the playpen, and I need a fit.
Oh, what is your fit?
Don't you just go shirtless with trunks?
No.
God forbid.
It's going to be like 100 degrees out.
That's why I think shirtless.
That's why the shirt comes off.
That's why it's more important that I find a shirt that is feasible for this occasion.
Part of your fit should be doing the sunscreen on the nose.
Yeah, the zinc. Yes.
Way too much sunscreen. Salute your shorts
guy. I can see you rocking like a
Reese's peanut butter cups t-shirt.
Yeah.
I know where they sell them.
You know which one I'm talking about.
I do.
It kind of looks aged.
It's never looked good on a human.
No, it's in that section at Target.
At Target, yeah.
What day is it?
Saturday, July 6th.
Does your boy got it like that?
They're renting a boat.
Where are there going to be chicks on it?
That's the worst t-shirt ever.
Nobody's ever looked at that.
I'll wear the Reese's shirt.
Wear the Reese's shirt.
You gotta do it.
Kyle, I've never...
Don't make your laugh.
That shit's so funny.
That shit that I said.
Yeah, right.
Can I wear Crocs on a boat?
No.
Yes.
White Crocs?
No.
Yes.
Are you wearing them to be funny?
They have gibbets in them?
No, I don't have flops right now.
I only have Crocs.
You could get flops between now and two weeks from now.
No, two weeks isn't enough time for flip flops.
I think that's the impulse purchase at a lot of checkouts.
That's why I'm bringing it up now.
Nine bucks will get you some good flip flops.
Okay.
Get yourself some reef flip flops that have a bottle opener in the heel.
I used to have so many pairs of those.
Okay.
Is there going to be girls on the boat?
That's like the last thing I'd want to put at the top of my drink.
Or just dudes.
Oh, really? Yeah. How do you know? That's like the last thing I'd want to put at the top of my drink. Or just dudes. Oh, really?
Yeah.
How do you know?
It's like a split.
Girls you know?
No.
No.
So the Reese's shirt.
The Reese's shirt.
That'll get me in.
Wait.
That'll get me in.
Should we have another candy swim trunks?
Not Reese's, though.
Sour Patch Kids.
The Oreos.
The Oreos.
No, the Oreos socks.
Oreo socks.
And let's get them a crunch bar.
TJ, can you see if there's a crunch bar?
There's crunch.
There's no way.
There's got to be crunch.
And then I need like a Klondike bucket.
That's not a candy bar, though.
That wouldn't make any sense.
Introduce yourself as the candy man to all the girls.
I'm the candy man.
No, you'd be like. I didn't even realize
that's all I have clean.
A baby looking for a snack.
Crunch wrap.
Just search for candy swim.
I'll let you guys fit me out.
I want you to be candied.
Okay.
Gummy bears?
I want a brand name
buy the reese's cup shirt please i will i'll get it tonight like even if you google search that it's tough to find somebody in a in it because it looks so bad i don't know how they sell it
i don't think i've ever seen anyone wear it.
They're out.
I have in high school.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I did once.
You had the Reese's Cup shirt?
No, I saw someone wearing it accidentally.
Oh, okay.
I had a Dr. Pepper shirt.
That was one of them, and then the Mountain Dew.
Kanye wore one.
Kanye wore one?
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
I had a Dr. Pepper shirt
and a Tough Guy
wearing a pink shirt.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Yeah.
Someone else wore it.
Oh, I remember the real men
wearing pink shirt.
Somebody here?
Real men wear pink.
A victim.
Oh.
I think I had a pink shirt phase.
Who's the victim?
Trayvon Martin.
Oh.
He rocked it
not the one I was talking about
alright
Nick you want to
do the high noon
not really right now
the bask in the silence
I don't know
alright The bask in the silence. One person's... I don't know.
Alright.
You just could have not said that.
Alright.
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It's not funny.
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Oh, I struggled. God, look at my hair.
What did my hair do? That's why I was laughing.
You look like you just got fucked. What?
Dog. You got sex hair.
You just got your back blown out.
I'm going to get it cut right after this show.
You going to funk? I'm going to Funk.
Nice.
Funk got Major Uncle.
Yeah, he's going to beard me, too.
He's bearding you?
Mm-hmm.
Nice.
And I still got to, because my goddamn uncle didn't tell me, but he said Brandon's going
to take care of it.
I still got to pay him $100 for my uncle.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So do they pour up whiskey and liquor for you?
They can yeah
Yeah
Also have a
Bathroom with nothing but
Playboy models
On the walls
Naked?
Yeah
Nice
Old ones with Bush
Oh yeah?
Mm
Have you guys ever
Seen the show alone?
I have
Yes
Thinking about getting into it?
Is it
I heard it's really good.
Really good.
Yeah.
I need a show to get in.
Desperate Housewives is so good.
Season four.
I just finished season four.
Have you got to the part
where the plane crashes?
Nope.
I think you're thinking of Lost.
No, he's not.
Because I know it happens.
The plane crash?
I think it...
Desperate Housewives?
I think a plane crash
and it ends up killing one fetus of a twin in a belly my best friend alan watched that show
religiously it's really good i was so into it and then when that happened i was like i don't
i'm in the part where eva longoria is supposed to be ugly because her husband's blind but they
she's not yeah what her husband went blind Because he got hit by a rock
And a tornado
That makes sense
Another guy got impaled
With a fence pass
Didn't they live in California
No they live in the Eagle State
Which is a fictional state
In the United States
Oh okay
Where's that at
Where do you think it is
I bet you it would be
On the
I don't know
Eagle State
The west coast I'd imagine
Well if it's got tornadoes it needs
to be somewhere
shit it does
yeah
off the west coast
there's a city
called Fairview
Wisteria Lane
yeah
I started
Jersey Shore
last night
what's up
hey
I have something
oh
oh
happy birthday
Titus
happy birthday
Titus
we knew all along.
Yes.
Oh.
Isn't that nice?
We got you your favorite barstool merch.
Thank you, everyone on this show.
Oh, we got cookies.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, cookies.
I like cookies.
Always be talking about cookies.
Fucking love cookies. We got one. Oh, yeah, cookies. You'll always be talking about cookies. Fucking love cookies.
We got one Uncrustable.
Nice.
Haven't had one of these since yesterday.
That one's yours.
Oh, okay.
And then Top Gun Maverick on Blu-ray.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, that's very nice.
Thank you, guys.
Let's watch it.
Let's just put it in.
Let's pop it in.
Fucking watch it.
I am obsessed with
Top Gun Maverick
Is that a used copy?
No it's still wrapped
Those used cookies?
It might be
Okay it's in there
It's in there
It's just the box
Yeah
Do you want
You want us to sign it?
Yeah
Actually yes
The whole
Everybody here to sign it Should we put the, yes. The whole, everybody here to sign it.
Should we put the Uncrustable in the rat trap?
Oh, yes.
Probably why they brought it in.
Yeah.
It's really all there.
Okay, let's see here.
Go ahead.
We got a Sharpie around?
Oh, no.
We should have a Sharpie as much as we sign things.
There's a box of Sharpies behind you, Brandon.
I'll get them later.
All right.
Do I unwrap the Uncrustable?
That's the question.
Right?
I don't know.
I feel like it might just break right through.
I think you're going to want to see that fruit come out,
and the wrapper might be a problem.
We want maximum, yeah. Squirt jelly. Yeah, we want the squirtage. We want maximum... Yeah, I want it to squirt jelly.
Yeah, we want the squirtage.
We want the squirtage.
I want the squirtage.
Who lied about the sharpie?
I want the squirtage if I want to.
This is going to be sweet.
We could get jelly in our face.
Yes. That would be...
This could bust all over my face.
God fucking damn it!
It's the worst birthday ever.
Do you think this rat trap is out?
I don't think you can, man.
No, I think it'll break.
Maybe Uncrustables are just bad motherfuckers. is out. I can put my hand in there. I don't think you can. No, I think it'll break. That's it. What, what,
the rat trap is broken.
Maybe Uncrustables
are just bad motherfuckers.
Is it cold?
Maybe.
It's a little cold, yeah.
It still should
destroy it.
That's it.
Oh, man.
That sucks.
Why eat it like that?
I think it's worn out.
It's the worst birthday ever.
I want to see a. I want to see it
on cross the board.
What a jelly to squirt.
TJ, you want to spin the wheel?
The actual wheel?
Hell yeah.
Go watch Top Gun Maverick
tonight, maybe. You think so?
Now all I need is a Blu-ray player.
You didn't ask for that.
I'd like to point something out.
Wet.
Tow.
Oh, that would have been a great birthday gift.
I suppose all of us whipping you.
Roan told us it's over.
Mousetrap should be off the wheel.
He said that was the last show with Mousetrap.
Oh, yeah, he did say that.
Roan said Mousetrap was off the wheel on the case race. You were 21
beers deep. Yeah. Mousetrap should not be on
the wheel. It was designed by
You didn't say that during the case race. Yes, he did.
No, he didn't. He very much did.
I would have remembered it. I don't have to remember it
at all. I was sober. But I would have
remembered it. I remember it vividly.
Mousetrap has to come off the wheel because Roan said it.
Did a part of you want to be drinking?
Yeah. A part of me wanted to be in the mix how many would you have taken down
two uh best case scenario between like six and eight damn that's best case i'm very similar to
kyle when it comes to drinking have you ever blacked out an ailment um yeah mine's just being
a pussy uh i think um yeah i've blacked out do you think you'll be able to put down like 15 once you get your surgery?
I'm super excited slash curious to see what changes.
A Botox shot.
Apparently it opens up the floodgates.
You start burping for the first time in your life like a lot.
You want that?
Well, it provides relief.
Like I can't drink carbonated beverages.
Yeah.
Even like a Sprite.
I can't imagine not being able to burp over that.
You hear like when my stomach makes those like dinosaur sounds and growls.
Like that, it's horrible.
It hurts.
It's very uncomfortable.
There's the boys.
Have a good one, brother.
That was a lot.
Did you want to see your intro video that they made for you in the event that
you did participate?
Oh yeah.
Kinda.
Am I going to get mad at it?
Okay.
Oh,
all right.
Big daddy.
I love this.
Pretty cool.
Yeah, not bad.
Damn good.
Brandon Walker's now the king of the south.
King of the fucking south forever.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, was I getting an asshole? There was an asshole right at the end. A nice little touch.
They made you so big.
Yeah.
Well, I'm a big old boy.
You are a big old boy.
Yeah.
All right.
Y'all ready to get on?
Yeah, yeah.
What?
What you got?
Do you know any black Jacks?
Black people named Jack.
Ooh.
Jack Johnson, first black heavyweight champion of the world in the 20s?
Yes.
I had that.
Any alive?
Alive black Jacks.
Jack.
Jack Black is not black.
Bo Jackson.
Jack Jackson.
Jackie Robinson.
Dead.
Yeah, he is.
He definitely is.
He's dead.
Let's leave it at that.
Jack. Jack definitely is. He's dead. Jack. Let's leave it at that. Huh? Jack.
Jack Harlow.
No.
The fuck?
Whoa.
What a call.
Wow.
All right.
All right.
We'll be back tomorrow.
Miles Jack.
That's the yak.
What a walk-off. We'll be back tomorrow.
Bye.