The Yak - Nick Reveals a HORRIFYING Picture of His Legs | The Yak 9-21-23
Episode Date: September 21, 2023Brandon's car is still running...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstool...yak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hey-oh.
It's the Yak.
Brought to you by...
The Big Four.
Brought to you by Roback.
Yes.
It's September, and it's still really hot outside sometimes.
There isn't a better way to spend it than on rowback you guys
all know how much we love rowback kyle looking my god my goodness
you're the biggest man on earth what the fuck i uh the pump i got after the steven che picture that was anyways it's september's uh
summer weather code yak at roback.com 20 off your first purchase through the end of the week
r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com 20 off polo shorts what the fuck dude you're a boulder after that photo with you
and che oh i gotta yeah i made it. Do you have a dip in?
Yes, I was in coffee.
Who is he?
What are you doing?
I've been zinning for a while now.
Okay.
You look... What protocol is this?
You're like a stagehand.
This is, I've been boozing a lot, which is bad, but I've been eating a lot, which makes...
Look at your arms, dude.
Look at his legs.
Legs are still
pretty bad.
I've been doing a lot of lunges,
which are absolutely
atrociously painful.
The worst exercise.
And I finally started doing calf raises, which
they say genetics.
You got it or you don't, but we'll see.
Doing them every day. As far as calves go.
Yeah. Okay. I need to
do something, because I showed it on anus yesterday,
but there was a picture of me playing his bat.
Yeah.
That was your worst pick yet? It's the worst pick
yet of legs, and that was most... Legs.
I wouldn't mind seeing that, because I didn't see it. Yeah, I'd like to see it.
Looks like an anus this morning.
Like a deer on ice not yet like yeah it's bad is it recent or it's like an old pic that surfaced
like a month ago very recent yeah i don't really even want to have oh it's bad i'll send it yeah
you got it it's like ah fuck i look sick like clamber legs worse like you just ascend it someone just helped you out of a
wheelchair and then ran away yeah and i'm like in the process of falling they took yeah like the
nelk boys lifted me out of a wheelchair okay they might be worse than clemmer's legs yep yeah
really really bad um so the clemmer picture that floats around twitter sometimes is that photoshopped yes okay
i thought so even if that's me playing disney oh is that a little bambi like a deer yeah you're
right yeah yeah it's bad and it's like it doesn't taper like they just go it's It's the same size the whole way up. That is the thing.
That's what's shocking.
That is tough.
Arms are right.
It does look like...
Arms look good.
The arms look fine.
But that's fixable.
Pants.
Yes.
Because you're tall.
You're a tall guy in pants.
Yeah, but it's just like...
I said it on the show.
It's jarring that that leads up to such a monster cock.
It's like, what the fuck? like what the fuck that would be confusing it makes your dick has to look gigantic no matter
what well no it doesn't look like anything because like it's not close definitely girthy
or no oh it's not yeah yeah it's like a needle in a needle stack exactly yes how would your dick not
be close to anything it's
not close to anything saying his legs are so far you know how women they're like it's sexy if a
woman has the what is it the figure eight gap the thigh gap the thigh gap yeah his gap is so big no
no there's that one subreddit that shows like the light protruding through sundresses and yeah it's
a gap yeah he's the acronym yeah but you have that gap though so that's
right but you just seem like a dang but a bit have you ever broken a bone in your legs never
never but i should yeah i should often i think i could imagine like what would happen if i had
a cast on for like six months what like oh the atrophy would go crazy yeah could it though
couldn't could his legs atrophy?
I think.
Maybe not, yeah.
What if they're already at zero?
It's bad, man.
And it's super embarrassing.
Well.
What are you going to do?
Pants.
What are you going to do?
Pants, pants.
Yeah.
We can't all have everything, Nick.
You're right.
I don't know what that means at all.
Nice pair of rowback joggers.
You won't be able to tell.
We need Barstool to sign Dolph Ziggler now that he's a free agent.
Okay.
I'm glad you were on that.
Stop that immediately.
What does that mean?
You don't get this.
What happened to Dolph?
No, he came in this morning and Nick let us know that.
WWE had release day today and they released Shelton Benjamin and Dolph Ziggler.
Shelton Benjamin was a shocking one too.
Dolph Ziggler, I didn't know he was active.
He hasn't really been that active.
He should have been.
He's still been on contract.
But the problem is, I told
Nick 30 minutes ago, hey, it's release day, and he
didn't know about it, but now he's pulling... No, he came up to
me and he said, bad day. And I was just like,
well, this could mean a multitude of things. You're
you.
But Nick, if you're a wrestling guy, you knew
what bad day meant. I didn't know Dolph Ziggler got released.
Shelton Benjamin, Dolph
Ziggler, Mustafa Ali.
Yeah,
and he was,
something happened there
because he was supposed
to fight Dirty Dom.
The David Dobrik rapist?
What?
Huh?
Different Dirty Dom.
You know what I mean.
There's a lot of
Dirty Doms
floating around out there.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Dolph Ziggler is a Kent State wrestling alum.
Kent State has a shockingly impressive alumni roster.
I think that can be said for the entire time.
Michael Keaton, Antonio Gates, Julian Edelman.
Got to be honest, this isn't that impressive.
No, it's impressive.
It's a small. David Letterman's Ball State, right?'t that impressive. No. It's impressive. It's a small...
David Letterman's Ball State, right?
WVU has nobody.
Yeah, you do.
No, they've got to have somebody.
Who is your top alum?
McAfee?
He's the biggest celeb?
Probably.
He has some more.
You got Brad Paisley.
No, he didn't go there.
Well, he reps you.
Kinda.
Who does Mississippi State have?
Jack?
Jack Grisham?
Jack Prescott? Temple haveisham. Dak Prescott.
Temple have. Temple has Bill Cosby. Oh, Bill Cosby.
He kind of steals the
Diplo. That's the only time Brandon's ever
high-fived about something involving Temple.
Usually
hate those people. Who does IUP have?
Mike Ditka.
Mike Ditka. Johnny
Sins. Johnny Sins Johnny Sins
but he went to IUP
I'm pretty sure
he didn't graduate
he didn't graduate
neither did I
I always said the guys
fuck better than the women there
no
Steve Harvey's big
I don't think
I don't think he went
Steve Harvey went to Kent State
Steve Harvey went to Kent State
oh no no no
he's from West Virginia
he is yeah
but he got like
he didn't live there long
I don't know
I'm gonna get you on this where are we at let's get in there a little bit oh Billy Mays Yeah, but he didn't live there long. I don't know.
I'm going to get you on this.
Where are we at?
Let's get in there a little bit.
Oh, Billy Mays?
Yeah, so I would probably.
McAfee, I think, is bigger than Billy Mays.
Yeah, McAfee's bigger than anybody on that list. That's tough.
I don't know.
Well, these are all athletes, but still.
I didn't know Jeff Hostetler went there.
Yeah. Oh,, but still. Yeah. I didn't know Jeff Hostetler went there. Yeah.
Oh, Pac-Man Jones.
Yeah.
Who was that cowgirl with the gun medal or the gold medal?
Jenny Thrasher.
Yeah.
First, yeah, she was the-
How did you know?
Who?
She won the U.S. Gold in rifle.
Oh, I see.
Then she just went back to campus, probably was a-
Yeah, Jerry West.
Now, rifle's a summer Olympics, but the shooting biathlon's a winter Olympics, right?
So there's gun in both Olympics.
Yeah, so West Virginia dominates rifle.
It's a big rivalry with Fairbanks.
Alaska.
Fairbanks.
I fucking hate those guys up there.
You do.
There's blood between you all.
Oh, yeah, I fucking hate hate them do they have like a
student section for those matches uh yeah yeah it's just a bunch of dudes like fucking drinking
beer shooting guns is that an i would like to see no i don't know yeah what does that look like the
gun shooters in college are a lot nerdier than you think they would be you don't want nerdy gun
shooters you don't want to be around they're very nerdy gun shooters. You don't want to be around nerdy gun shooters. They're very nerdy gun shooters. They have a lot of them in a wheelchair. They have fupas and stuff.
Yeah.
A lot of them have fupas?
A lot of gun athletes.
Well, yeah, you want a soft body because you need somewhere to rest your elbows.
Yeah, fat can help in a lot of ways.
Yeah, fat can help in many ways.
Not in now.
In a gun sense, if you have fat on you, the recoil doesn't hurt as much.
More of a cushion. Thank you. Yeah yeah you need to stop defending fat dude you're gonna let yourself slide
you've been looking good lately though been slide yeah yeah are you going to grow your hair out uh
i'm i don't think management's gonna allow it my wife i don't think i'm going to allow it it's good
to have a wife who still cares. Yeah, it really is.
Barely.
I like that she's honest because when I met her at the basketball event that we had in Philly,
she said, I need to see what he looks like when he's cleaned up.
Yeah.
So I went and got a haircut because of her.
To you?
Yes.
Oh.
No, that's not exactly what she said.
She said it's a Brandon who passed it along to me.
Nick would be very handsome
If he cleaned up
Yeah
And that was
That kind of hurt me
Yeah
I don't know
I thought I was cleaned up
The thing you said about
Yeah yeah
You said to her
You have big titties
To yes
Yeah
Not to her face
To her titties
To her titties
Yeah
Oh man You guys were talking about Dol ziggler um i just read something about did you know that
nasa funded an experiment on dolphins to try to teach them how to communicate or understand human
language so i know that and it ended horribly horribly disastrously whyously. Why? Her name was Margaret. She was the one doing the studies.
She found that the dolphin
named Peter was too
sexually
charged.
Sexually charged.
So she started masturbating
him to get him to cooperate
with the language learning.
So he was associating
learning. Then the dude funding the
experiment was like, let's start giving
this dolphin LSD.
Then the dolphin
killed himself.
He asphyxiated himself.
How does he take LSD?
Intravenously.
Through the bottle nose.
I don't know if this is true.
So this woman was just...
She was getting paid to jerk off a dolphin?
She...
No one told her to jerk off the dolphin.
She did that on her own accord.
She's a scientist.
But she decided it's too sexy,
so I'm going to jerk it off?
The dolphin was trying...
It was just constantly trying to fuck.
Yeah.
Another dolphin.
But I don't think jerking it off is the answer.
She found that jerking off the dolphin to completion helped him focus more in class.
So where did the LSD come in?
The other guy just came in.
He was like, I guess the masturbation isn't working.
Nothing's really working.
The dolphin isn't speaking or understanding our language too well, so let's give him the LSD.
Let's light this thing up.
Yeah.
So when you say understanding language, you mean further than basic three or four basic commands right you mean just actually i
think being able to follow being able to understand yeah just understand not speak it yeah and i may
have butchered that but i think i got the gist you got the gist lastly nick already asked it but how
how does the dolphin kill itself so dolphins can breathe breathe air, I guess, but not well.
So there's a way they can commit suicide.
So he just surfaced himself and...
Something like that.
That's kind of tough.
What if he was just coming up to talk to us?
This guy sounds like a villain.
Maybe they chose the wrong dolphin.
Yeah, this is just one dolphin.
So I don't know.
Wow.
Interesting stuff.
And there's currently an englishman who was accused of
jacking off the dolphin but it was the the dolphin who just rested his penis on his hand
in the north sea so was it on this show we talked about dolphin pussy what show did we talk about
dolphin pussy i guess they're real they're really horny they're hornballs they're yeah they're
they're clean looking pussies oh they are really are sleek looking pussies. Oh, they really are sleek-looking pussies, aren't they?
Yeah.
Rick O'Berry.
And dolphins are known to cosby, correct?
Yes.
Suicide.
Oh, yeah, rapey.
Yeah, rapey.
They can commit suicide.
I got a thing.
So is there a possibility this woman jerked this dolphin off
and then killed it and framed it for suicide?
Jerked it off too hard.
A jilted lover?
Jerked off to death. Yeah. this is the worst head i've ever
gotten uh maybe that was the rumor was the military working dog handlers i don't chaps
is that they like jerked off their dogs to build a better relationship with them
i don't know if that's true but i swear that was like the big rumor i gotta be honest i didn't
realize the i don't know the business of jerking off animals was so thriving.
Oh, yeah.
Like there's articles.
If you regularly masturbate your canine police dog, you'll have greater control of it.
I've heard of affection in canine units between animals and dogs, blah, blah.
It's like, that's like, I don't know if that's true, if anybody knows, but that's like a
method of getting closer with your dog.
Now, don't do that. Yeah. I don't know if that's true if anybody knows but that's like a method of getting closer with your dog now you don't do that yeah I don't know now do you
think this woman was going
raw dog with the dolphin like with her
hand or no she have a device
have devices they probably had for every
major role there is a scientist
job to jerk them off right like
horses
like oh mr.
hands part two almost happened.
Did you guys see that?
I saw a horse almost try to mount.
We got tagged in it.
I don't know why.
Yeah, we did get tagged.
Probably because we talk about shit like this.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Me, Brandon, Rudy, Danny Conrad, TJ had a blast before this show today.
Game.
Were you doing a game?
Yes.
Trivia-esque?
Hacky sack.
We were hacky sack.
We were hacking?
We were hacking.
Right out there.
What was the longest?
Like you were doing it back and forth.
We weren't going to stop until we all kicked it.
And that's fun.
Right here.
So I was obviously team captain.
Not really.
Look at my hand.
Yeah, you were.
Easel.
You're running this.
But it's your hacky sack.
It's a foot bag.
It's your hacky sack. It's just your foot bag from Pugstamp. Oh, now you're this. But it's your hacky sack. It's a foot bag. It's your hacky sack.
It's just your foot bag from Puggerstamp.
Oh, no.
It's your hacky sack.
Shout out Guy from Silicon Valley.
Huh?
How do you hit that sack with those fucking legs, dude?
It's not the leg.
It's the foot.
Look how easy mine is.
Oh, cool.
Danny to me.
Nice.
Yeah, but it took about seven minutes.
Do y'all want to do that on the yak on the yak
yakisak i don't know we have enough room we can move that we definitely have a hacky sack but
i've been big into um hacky sacking i'm going to post on my close friend's story on instagram
every morning i'm gonna have to start doing it too why get my record back i added piper jones to my close friends oh we got to start using that yeah no i don't you do not my cat i hate because this
is why i get fucking roped into shit you got to start posting on there i'll run it for you
send me pics i would like to trade cats with the local cat owner Like someone in the office For how long?
A day, cat Kate Hello
Let's do it
Spork
Why, do you want to see how the
If the other cat appreciates the cat room more?
Do you have a spoiled cat?
I don't know
I want to see what the difference is
I have nothing to compare mine to
What I got you arrived
But I forgot to bring it in
Shit
I'm excited
Did you not grow up with animals?
Um, no Not like the major, the big two I'm excited. Did you not grow up with animals? No.
Not like the major, the big two.
I had a rabbit that got depressed and killed itself.
No.
How?
It jumped up intentionally and broke its neck.
Rabbits get very depressed.
Jesus.
What?
I thought they would be happy little things.
Yeah, but it was when-
Jumped up?
When we took him inside for the winter.
Speaking of, is there a dog in here?
Is that what that noise was?
You thought that was what was ringing out?
No, I'm the dog.
Oh, I see.
It sounded like one.
We already got Clifford.
Speaking of bunnies, I got a new couch in my apartment.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
So Kyle's Dolph Zigg ziggler to dolphin segue was better
there one of the notes on the couch that i got on facebook marketplace was my bunny chewed
a part of the couch that was the that's pretty cute yeah that's a good segue i think that was
a good segue yeah that was good no no you're good I think a bunny would be a great pet. I think that would be my second choice.
Yeah, they're great.
I think you just kind of need two.
They're very social.
Yeah.
I built an obstacle course for mine.
Gus, really good name for a rabbit, I think.
That is a good name.
But I'm at Tractor Supply Plus.
They're very fragile.
Right next to Lisa's harem.
They'll die in a heartbeat.
Well, yeah.
Well, I guess everybody will
Yeah I'd rather
We need to actually
Do we have a photo of Mook's new couch?
I think the couch is too big
It's not too big
It's in the kitchen, it's in the living room, it's in your bedroom
The couch is
I want more couch
Impossible
Nah I can make it work.
I'm going to send you the side angle and the front angle.
Brandon, do you have furniture yet?
Not really.
I have a couple of rooms full of furniture, and then I have a couple of rooms that just
have nothing in it.
And I thought about making a ballroom yesterday.
A ballroom?
No, no, no.
Like a ball pit for dancing?
Not a dancing.
No, a ballroom.
Like a ball pit?
My kids have one of those pink balls that bounce really good off walls.
Baldine?
Yeah.
Best ball.
It was voted best ball.
I started bouncing it off the wall, and I was like, this room might just be for the
ball.
Ah.
Oh, that's kind of sick.
No, it's Brandon being lazy.
You wouldn't come to the ballroom?
That's an empty room, and I'd rather have shit in the room.
I think empty room.
Hacky sack in a room like that.
Empty rooms are... Don't say that much. I was hacky sacking in the kitchen. I think you have to hacky sack in a room like that.
I'll say that much. I was hacky sack in the kitchen. That's my way to do it.
While the wife's cooking. Although it was
awkward that we were out there hacky sack. Look at that.
Pretty big. Look at that monster.
It's your entire apartment.
Dude, it's perfect. It really is. Wow.
Can we zoom in? It's so perfect. Can you
open your oven no okay
i'm gonna have to cook eggs leaning over the arm of my couch if i ever do but and you're
gonna get a tv there right tv coffee table no you're not and i'm gonna get a love seat i might
get bleachers in the back um but yeah, that's the mook.
Don't do that.
Are you going to hoist that bed?
Yeah, wait.
Is that where you sleep?
Yeah, for now.
For now.
Figuring it out.
What do you mean figure?
Where else could it go?
I might loft it.
I thought we were getting bigger.
You got one more Tetris piece left, and it's not a big piece of fun.
I mean, I think I can fit more in there. Where are you going to put
like you have to be able to walk
around be a pop really? Oh my
how many fire hazards is that a pile of clothes
in front of the furnace? Yes. Yeah, I don't have drawers
yet. Where
is the where's the rest of your clothes?
I have a walk-in closet. Okay,
the POV. Yeah. So
yeah, that's the good job.
It is a great couch.
Fuck a kitchen, dude.
Very comfy.
Where's your dining room table gonna go?
Don't need that.
Okay.
Nice little...
I think you...
No, we should get one.
We could.
I mean, we could.
Let's fill you up.
I love getting...
I love filling.
Yeah, right.
For me, that's fine.
I love how this...
You're right under the vent
and you have that wisp of hair, dude. You look super saiyan yeah it didn't do anything whatever i'm
pumped about my couch oh ken jack got engaged oh yeah i told him i saw it coming since the first
date oh you met them on the first date right yeah? Yeah. I didn't, but they, yeah.
I'm not surprised.
I want to, I'm hoping to be an usher at that wedding,
just because being an usher at a biracial wedding is the easiest thing on earth.
I've said it before.
It's because you just, you don't have to ask what side.
Oh, yeah.
It is just, yeah, left.
It is the easiest gig in the whole world.
So hopefully he'll let me usher that.
Yeah, Dana Beers, Ken Jack, Donnie just got married.
Donnie just got married.
I feel like that can't be in a conventional wedding venue.
Kent Jack's?
Yeah.
It'll be some sort of pagoda, I'd imagine.
Reading.
Reading, PA has a great pagoda. Big time. Reading. Reading, PA has a great pagoda.
Big time pagoda.
Reading, PA has a good pagoda?
Huge pagoda.
On a hill, right?
Yep, great view.
I haven't seen the Reading, PA pagoda.
Did your malls have piercing pagodas?
Yep.
I got my cartilage pierced there.
My dad snuck and took me.
What's a pagoda?
It's like a structure.
Is it like a... There it is oh it's like a temple oh yeah did
y'all think that uh reading was when you played monopoly when you were younger you thought it was
reading railroad of course i did i think we all did writing i just found out that the monopoly
board was based off atlantic city yeah i had the city yeah i didn't know that. Wait, that's in Reading, PA?
Yeah.
Why?
I forget the history behind it, but...
I mean, they definitely thought the other side was going to win World War II.
Yeah, they were just...
They put their eggs in the other basket.
They bet on a loser.
Let's get ahead of this.
Planning.
They're going to love this.
When they get here. Reading's like kind of a shithole too it is yeah it is well so we uh Wheeling outside of Wheeling has the palace of gold we
took Donnie there and it is very strange why do you have the palace of gold it's the largest
population of Hare Krishnas outside of India it's like a huge golden temple in this little village called new vrindaban new vrindaban so in our town our where we live bethlehem is the closest settlement
to it so we're just stop at a gas station in bethlehem it's indians flocking there yeah there's
so many yeah i thought y'all just from a small town in west virginia we are but it has all these
little right next to new Vrindabond.
Of course.
Enclaves and stuff.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
It's a spread out city.
Bucks County has it.
It's the all cement castle.
Yes.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
And it was a guy who he got like too many STDs to get married.
And he was afraid of fire.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's a matter of fire.
How many STDs for what?
To get married.
How many is too many? I don't know. It was one of the bad ones back then. Fuck, I have four. I can matter of fact, how many STDs for what? To get married. How many is too many?
I don't,
it was one of the bad ones
back then.
I have four.
I can't get married.
And he was,
I don't know.
It's an unwritten rule.
This is from the tour
my mom had.
I only have one,
but it's AIDS,
but I'm married.
And he was afraid of fire.
He was super afraid of fire.
It's fair.
And so he was like,
I don't have any ladies.
I need a hobby.
So he built like
an all cement castle
with no wood in it
so it could never catch fire. It's the way, I'm probably remembering this tour all wrong. Brutalist? don't have any ladies i need a hobby so he built like an all cement castle with no wood in it so
it could never catch fire is the way i'm probably remembering this tour all wrong but that's
brutalist cement no no i don't think so cement castle bucks county i don't know my um interesting
my apartment in new york city and i there was a refrigerator refrigerator magnet in every apartment
and it said it's a fireproof building so if the building's on fire stay in every apartment and it said it's a fireproof building. So if the building's on fire, stay in your apartment.
What? Really?
Hmm.
Should every building just be fireproof?
Would make sense. Yeah.
I don't understand. I don't trust that. Also, they're definitely lying.
They had to have been. Yeah.
Huh.
Y'all ever been in a fire or near a fire?
I haven't.
I've never been close to having a fire at my house.
I've talked about this before, but...
You're going to jinx yourself.
Drunk teens blew up our shed in our backyard.
Yeah, but you lived in fucking...
Yeah.
A rough neighborhood.
Your parents were never paying attention.
Blew it up?
Yeah, they...
My dad forgot to lock it,
and so they doused it in gas.
They drenched it in gasoline,
and they, like, exploded it in the middle of the night.
Did that get arrested?
Eventually, yeah.
They went through the neighborhood.
Yeah, I used to ding-dong ditch, but not blow.
No, they blew it up.
And then...
Ding-dong ditching was fun.
A new shed in Lightning blew it up.
I never did that.
Nothing would have me giggling like a ding-dong ditch.
Yeah.
Do you ever have the bomb bags?
Yep.
The fart ones?
No, no.
Oh, I was talking about you squeeze the thing, and it starts to expand.
Yeah, there's the farts.
And then it's detergent bubbles like splash all over people's front doors.
It's like a chemical bomb.
Yeah, it's like a little chemical bomb.
One of the houses next to me had two giant like Liberty Bells in the front,
and we would go ring those, and that was my that was a good prank a wrestler lived there kodiak garcia kodiak garcia
yeah that's a great name lots of time with him in my life yeah forgot about him no not nothing
against him no thinking about him now amateur wrestler pro wrestling high school teammate
two kids because kodiak garcia is a very good pro wrestling name it's a teammate. Okay. Two kids. Because Kodiak Garcia is a very
good pro wrestling name. It's a good name.
Yeah. He was Native
American?
He was Mexican.
Okay.
Kodiak is more of a
Native American. Yeah, it is.
Hey, yeah!
Kodiak! I used to ding-dong-ditch him all
the time.
He was a rascal, but a sweetheart.
Yeah, yeah.
He balanced the two well.
He was a charming, charming guy.
What was his rascal?
How was he a rascal?
He got into, he would run with some, run with me, I guess.
Were you a rascal?
No.
That was even rascally.
My car would host the rascal.
Yeah, right.
You were always driving around younger rascals.
They would commit the car crimes while I drove.
So I guess I was.
Getting mailboxes and shit like that?
Unfortunately, yeah.
Looking back, I was like, that was so fucked up.
Dude, I hit a mailbox on my way home from baseball practice.
We hit our assistant coach's mailbox, and it was snowing out.
And we hit it, and then our car got stuck in the snow
right in front of the house.
And he came out and he was like,
what the fuck are you guys doing?
He caught you?
He caught us, yeah.
Was the mailbox even broken?
And I'm just like stalling out
trying to drive away.
And yeah.
Never again.
It's not for guys like us.
No, not at all.
We did invent a sport where I drove and someone was in the passenger seat, windows down in
the autumn and you have to try to catch leaves.
Yeah, right.
You did invent that.
Leaf hunting.
Oh, that's really good.
Whoever catches the most wins.
Be a bunch of cars playing at once.
We also, you invented, we've talked about this a long time ago on the Yak, but you invented.
Fallen leaves.
You can't, you just pluck it.
You got to catch a fallen leaf.
Yeah, that's serene. But you also invented the one in the cemetery yeah now that started with my uncle and my dad we would go to my grandpa's grave and they would
give us money like the first who would catch who would find the youngest tombstone yeah grave who
youngest tombstone under five and under five minutes
it was fucked up yeah and i've talked to your dad about it and he it's he it's true yeah
wait you were hunting for like dead babies that's i guess. Yes, that is one way to, on paper, yeah.
On paper, that's what you were doing.
Were you good at it?
Yeah, I was really good.
Jesus Christ.
A little too good.
Fuck yeah.
I can't get over how enormous you look.
I might have to get on whatever cycle you're on.
Are you on juice?
People ask, I think the secret is that my form is awful.
So I do very heavy weight, but with awful form.
So the risk is crazy.
Are you hurting yourself?
Not yet.
But yeah, I lift heavy weights.
What happens?
And I make sure they're heavy.
I don't do reps or good form, which sucks.
You just go until you can't? And I do full body. I don't do reps or like good form, which sucks. You just go until you like can't.
And I do full body.
I don't like break them up.
Everyday full body?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dang.
I got here at 7 o'clock today.
Yeah.
7.30.
And I got done with mostly sports about 10.15.
I parked right outside, right out front.
And I walked outside at about 10 about
11 o'clock my car was on it was just cranked crank it was just running the entire time
oh no three three hours my car was running what i don't know i i don't know what happened
do you remember turning it off probably left i left it on. I probably left it on, but why would I do that?
But remember you set your car alarm off with your balls the other day?
I did.
So maybe you're turning it on.
I did wonder if I turned it on with my phone.
With your phone?
Yeah, I can turn it on with my phone.
Wow.
That could be it.
Let's see.
Yeah.
But I hope I did.
Otherwise, it just sat there running for three and a half hours in Chicago.
That's not, because you have a three and a half hour commute home, too.
So you're going to run this thing raw.
Che, you're on Surviving Barstool?
Yes.
They announced the full cast.
Oh, and I heard.
What is the full cast?
That's crazy.
100 Gs.
100 Gs?
100 Gs.
100 Gs.
100 Gs. Holy shit. 100 Gs? 100 Gs.
Holy shit.
Do you think there's any chance you win?
That deck is heavily
stacked against me.
So it's Big Cat,
PFT, Hank,
KFC, Fights,
Dave, Gaz,
Kirk Minahan,
Rico,
Will Compton.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
All the stars.
Yeah.
Tommy.
Actually.
I put himself in there?
Tommy's got to be the favorite.
No, Tommy's going to be the first. They don't get him out.
They don't get him out first.
Unless fight.
Whose fight's going to have a romance with?
Hank?
It's all dudes.
Oh, yeah, they're going to get horny? Oh yeah, they're gonna get horny.
Yeah, they are gonna get horny.
That's an interesting cast.
Do you know where it's gonna be?
It's gonna be in New York.
New York office.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Gaz, I'm interested to see,
because he's an evil mastermind.
He's good at pulling the strings.
He might be the best.
He might be my favorite.
If him and Tommy Smokes team up,
Oh no. could be quite the strings. He might be the best. He might be my favorite. If him and Tommy Smokes team up, it could be
quite the pickle.
Do you think everyone's going to be
afraid to vote out Prez?
No, I don't think so.
I think some of those guys won't be.
Yeah.
Yeah,
this might be the only crew where
Big Body Prez could get bounced.
That'll be great.
Are you nervous, Che?
No, because I did it last season.
It was the funnest thing that I've ever done here, like a project.
Yeah.
It was...
This will not be that friendly.
This cast is extremely intimidating.
This is going to suck, yeah.
Yeah, because it's like...
Yeah, I mean, just everyone on there is just a barstool like legend.
Right.
They didn't leave off any big names at all.
At all.
Yeah, none.
It's like all the older guys too.
Yeah.
Late 30s, 40s.
Well, Titus.
They left Titus out of it.
Successful shows.
Very successful.
And they're like, they all have pretty big salaries
yeah
so it's just them going
100 grand means nothing to any of these guys
drop in the bucket
but yeah
the prize value is much
greater than I thought
full transparency when we got asked it was 25
really
thanks for the full transparency does that amount than I thought. Full transparency when we got asked it was 25. Really? It came out yesterday it was 100.
Thanks for the full transparency.
Does that amount
like there's a little bit of morals
that go into that kind of stuff maybe
like that's all out the window right?
Like you would backstab anyone.
That whole cast. Oh yeah.
I would say Che.
Che's going to get fucking spit ripped.
Apple in his mouth. You're going to be out within seconds.
My God.
Not if you're going to have time to fire up that Excel sheet.
I hope that's the amount that makes Che go evil.
Che, don't hold up at all.
If anything, go harder.
I don't think the money changes it.
If it was $10K like it was the first season I was on it, it doesn't matter.
With these guys, it could be a zero dollar prize and they're going just i think that's i think like because like i mean dave bets like 100k for just like a saturday college football
slate so yeah he'll still yell at you over it though but they will they will get excited about
that money whereas it was like 10 they're content kings they're gonna show out yeah and then we're
all going there for a week so like no matter what even if you're voted out like night one you're there yeah and it'll be interesting i think we're doing uh i might not
or whatever i think we're doing like two elimination eliminations a day because the
cast yeah it's a lot of people yeah minahan's gonna be walking you around by your pocket
he's gonna be on a leash yeah i i heard something very funny uh yesterday i think
it was so kirk runs three miles every day wow and he's done it for like 10 or 15 years
and he said that even when he was in the or i heard that when he was in the hospital like the
he would run three miles in his room in like a fire. Yeah, it wouldn't hurt if he ran into a wall.
So he's going to be doing that in the office.
I'm assuming at like six in the morning.
Oh, that's amazing.
I like Kirk a lot.
Yeah, I think everybody does.
You know he runs Raw Dog too.
Like he's definitely not listening to music, I feel like.
He's a big Bruce Springsteen guy.
I feel like he's just like grunting and shit.
How old is Kirk? i have no idea 62 he could be like he's another guy that looks sometimes you're like i don't think like within 35 by any 35 i think he's like 40 i would say 50 i would say
40 i'd say 40 40 49 48 i would have said low 40s. I'd say low 40s. He's definitely older than me. I don't think definitely.
Yeah, yeah.
He is absolutely older.
I would put money on 40.
No, I do not.
First of all.
You look so much what?
Having talked to him a lot, he is older than me.
I'm not projecting.
He is older than me.
Yeah, I think I just know.
Stop making noises.
He's not might be.
I know he is, yeah.
But I'm saying, we're saying if you go off physiological age.
Right, but I'm using my age as a baseline, knowing that he is. Yeah. But I'm saying, we're saying if you go off physiological age. Right. But he's younger than you.
My age is a baseline knowing that he is a couple years older than me.
So he's at least 46 or 47.
What are you, 44?
Yeah.
Brandon, if you were asked to do it, would you have?
I specifically asked not to do it.
Okay.
Because you would have been, yeah, like.
And I asked, I asked.
You would have been a human sacrifice.
I said, hey, do not put me in this. this and they said we were never planning to ask you and i said well just make sure make a
note of it that i asked you not to do it i don't know you know you want to do a big project i would
like to do something with a hundred thousand dollar prize but i would not like to be in an
office for five straight days you and me let's race across the country go now all right
your car's already on jump start hop in i'll need to stop and get gas yeah a lot who's the uh
betting favorite do you think for that um my money be on gas i think i think i like hank i like hank
it depends on the challenges. I could also see
Feidelberg just stumbling ass backwards
to the finals. Ass backwards because
that's how he likes to approach men.
I mean, Compton's
too stupid to me. Actually, PFT
is very smart.
Compton's going to slip on a banana peel.
He's going to show up to the wrong building.
KFC too.
Hank, Che Che 0% chance
Rico will
Spontaneously combust
Tommy
If Tommy makes it past the first round they fucked up
Yeah
I could see Feidelberg
Because all of these guys are also
Pretty vindictive
And if Feidelberg makes it to the end
They're going to be like fuck you Big Cat fuck you Dave I'm voting voting for vitalberg and he could win yeah usually the vindictive ones make
it far but never win yeah i think pft is very unassuming and so you wouldn't think he would
like back yeah pft no he's like both mental and physical yes yeah he's like sneaky athletic very
smart all right we gotta hop off the dicks you've got four
or five people there that are like huge fans of the show so i have a leg up just based on i don't
know about that definitely not five people there that watch oh huge fan kfc kirk those be all those
watch survivor yes like a lot oh i didn't know that oh so i guess at least four i would be surprised my money's
paying on kirk now knowing that yeah no he knows how to when is this when are you going to shoot
this uh middle of october okay right before we open up before we open up out here yeah nice
when dan gets back i think we're opening okay that's gonna be good should
be fun it's an honor nick would you do it i've done it before would you do like a real about
that network show yeah dude um actually my senior year of college i was a finalist to be on the game
show iteration of uh maze runner the the Dylan O'Brien film.
Yeah.
And I don't think they ever put the game show out, but I was in the top 10.
I interviewed like four times to be on this game show.
So you had to go through four rounds.
I had to make a video submission.
Do you still have it?
And they called me in the middle of class.
I might somewhere.
And it was me applying to be on this game show.
I would do a real one.
I feel you could.
So what would you do
if you had a choice?
If I had to do a game?
Yeah.
I'd want to do
one of the houses
like a big brother.
Yeah.
I couldn't do
actual Survivor.
No, not actual Survivor.
If any of that's actually true,
I could do that.
Amazing Race would be cool.
I used to want to be
on Road Rules.
Amazing Race would be cool. I think I would have be on Road Rules. Amazing Race would be cool.
I think I would have a temper tantrum and just get in my own head.
Yeah, you'd stomp around.
I just want to be on Wheel of Fortune.
Just one little...
I would fuck up.
Family Feud would be ideal.
Yeah, that'd be fun.
Family Feud could break up families.
The risk reward is you doing something stupid.
Also, don't they only win in the prize every day $10,000 for five people?
It's not about the prize.
No, it is.
It's about the fun.
If I go on Wheel of Fortune, I'd like to win like $60,000.
Sure, you'd like to, but it's about the fun and saying you did it.
I wish our whole group could do one of those extreme elimination challenges.
Oh, yeah.
Where's the nearest wipeout course?
Yeah, like a wipeout course.
That place, like I made it so far in the reality show
thing and they didn't i don't think the show ever made its production i think dylan o'brien like
got hurt on set what was the gist of it it was like the movie maze runner like we were there
was a big labyrinth and we had to like go in for supplies and oh you would have been good at that
it was maze running um i don't i don't know if it ever became a show but they would call me the
same agency of like trying to ask me to do other shows and they were like we'll put you on this
one right now we'll fly you from morgantown but it was uh i was paired with the most elite member
of a military branch and i had to like do training and like challenges with him him or her him
and i i said absolutely not.
Probably a wise decision on your part.
Yeah, you saw my legs.
That's true.
So that's that.
I'll try to find the application.
I'd have to log into my old college email.
What about you guys?
Brandon, you should sign up for a dating show.
I'm married with four kids Whatever
17 years
It didn't fucking stop Remy Ma
That's true
Divorcing papoose
Somebody's gotta do
Che
Tell him about the deliciousness of high noon
We'll wait on you for that
Kyle not talk about the deliciousness of high noon
he could yeah I thought Jay was
Kyle could certainly sorry my computer went to sleep
it's time to load up the ice and break out the
oversized long games because the high noon
game day pack is back
it includes limited edition fan faves
pear and cranberry along with black
cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka
real juice only 100 calories
gluten free and no added sugar.
The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive,
which means it's here for a good time, not a long time.
Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you.
Some thunderstorms coming in this weekend, but hopefully across the country,
but hopefully people are still tailgating and get some, get some nice weather for,
for people to have some high noon out at their tailgates.
Tonight there's football.
Hell yes.
Who do you like,
Che?
Niners.
Spread?
It's pretty high.
Christian McCaffrey over 17 and a half rushing.
Longest run is my best bet of the day.
I'll be riding.
He's hit it 10 of his last 13 games.
Oh, also big hit piece coming out tomorrow on Dave.
Is it another one?
I don't know what it is.
I don't know.
Crapping on. What's his word for misogyny?
Misogenic, right?
Misogenic.
Misogenic.
Misogenic. He only, in fairness,
he only mispronounced it 250 times.
Yeah, no, that's all.
No, that's the word.
That's how you say it now.
And there's been enough of those articles where you should know how to say it by now.
Yeah.
Especially him, yeah.
Oh, man.
Do you think he'll get the call?
He's supposed to get a call today, right, at 5?
5.
No chance that's happening, right?
No, I don't think so.
I think he denied it.
So he's supposed to do 10, and then they said, can we do 5?
When's the article come out?
Tomorrow?
Probably tomorrow at 9 a.m.
So talking to him at 5 wouldn't be doing, it would just be done.
So he said, no, I'll do 10 or nothing, and they said, then we're not doing 10.
Yeah.
Which is basically, they needed to write their responses to his answers at that time.
Huh.
This is what publication?
Washington Post. Washington Post.
Washington Post.
What is their HQ like, do you think?
Yeah, do you think it's fun?
They're not hacky-sacking in the morning.
I wonder what they do.
Or ever.
They don't have many sacks in there.
No.
No.
What do you think?
What U.S. metro area has the most NFL players?
Like where they go after they retire?
Atlanta.
Florida.
I can see Atlanta.
Florida.
Some part of Florida. L.A.?
Miami, maybe.
Dallas?
You're forgetting offensive linemen.
Dallas is huge.
And that's like those corn belt boys.
I feel like Dallas area has a lot and Atlanta has a lot.
I mean, I can name.
Texas.
Just the two original NFL players from Texas.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Somewhere in Texas.
Well, yeah, but you can't say Texas.
Yeah.
That's all I'm saying.
Second, Florida, third.
Yeah, that's just states by population almost.
Basically, yeah.
Yeah.
City, though?
I think Atlanta would stack up very well.
Any NFL players from West Point,
Mississippi? We have one. Jason Brownlee
made the Jets this year.
He's on the roster.
It's our first one in a long, long,
long time. Was his last name just
Lee and you guys made him change it?
No, his name
as far as I know has always been Jason Brownlee.
Okay.
Played for the 2017 West Point Green Wave The greatest team in the history
Of
LA
Southern California
Houston
Detroit
Dallas and New Orleans
Cleveland
Right after this
This is just damn near cities by popularity
This is wrong though
atlanta they're not giving baton rouge is impressive so far based on population well
yeah but do you think it's like a lot of ex-players that didn't leave the town
and then have kids yeah i mean i mean no i think this is based on where you grew up right
right right so lsu is there you LSU players. They leave behind.
I don't think that would count if you just went to school.
No, but I'm saying the LSU players.
Behind their seamen.
That turns into NFL players.
Still a lot.
A lot of seamen, yeah.
It's a lot of cream pies.
What was your thoughts on New Orleans, Kyle?
Too damn hot.
I don't like New Orleans.
I didn't like New Orleans.
It was too humid to enjoy. it was too humid to enjoy.
It was too humid to enjoy.
Uh,
if you like to binge drink,
it is probably a top city.
Yeah.
I loved it.
I really,
really had a good time there.
I went for an Eagles playoffs game and it was just the fucking best.
And we lost the game,
but all the fans were still super nice and they let us on a losers parade out of the stadium which i don't think they're not being nice at all you
were in a wait a minute in hindsight a chanting loser uh yes yes oh they're being so nice but
they made it fun you know they made it fun to be a loser and they kind of paraded us around town
for a little bit afterwards and it was now that I hear it out loud, it sounds different.
Do you think everything's fun?
Like, was war fun?
They were shooting at us, and there were fireworks.
It was good times.
There was laughs.
Hmm.
I saw something weird yesterday.
I was walking on the street outside of the office,
and in front of me there was a father,
and he was holding his son's hand,
and then in his other hand
he just whipped out a vape and started blowing like fat clouds was it jersey jerry no no but
it just made you not vape in front of your little boy i i just i've never seen it before yeah like
that seems commonplace to me i think so too i think now it is but like my dad used to do cigars
well he didn't have vapes as an option i can't imagine
like a vaping father though exactly i was like that kid's eating or like a kyle father come on
over a vaping kyle father kyle's i think you can't picture an old kyle now but i think there's no
young kyle's anymore we're very you're in the middle thin range of like 22 to
40 year olds. Yeah, you had a
fad name. It was definitely
I mean, I feel like we all went
to school with a bunch of Kyles. I haven't heard of one.
I haven't seen one.
New Kyle hasn't dropped in a long time.
I haven't heard that name on the playground.
Here's baby Kyle.
What are the new names now?
It's always Aiden, Jaden, Caden.
It all has Aiden in it
My son's name
We went to the Chicago Children's Museum
And like every other mom was calling that name
I was like fuck
And yeah
It's a very popular name
Where do you get to name yours?
I have
Well we gotta do the name wheel at some point
We gotta do the name wheel
Top baby names 2023
Liam, Noah, Oliver
Biblical, biblical, biblical
Benjamin's good
A lot of research
Henry's a strong name
Sebastian
Ethan, Logan
There come the Aidens
I thought Nick was always just top 10
Our names are old now
Luca
Lincoln
I don't know about this list
I don't know about this list Maverick I don't know about this list either
I need a one
There's no babies named Miles
My buddy just had a baby
Miles
Miles Maverick
Pat
Josh Varner
Gay Pat
He's an FU
No Miles is pretty popular
Yeah he's popular
No I doubt him
Cool baby names
Yeah
Cool
Wait so there's
Wait go up
There's unique baby names then cool baby names
this is my cool baby hudson yeah hudson works it's cool baby hudson this is my cool stack
actually my son his name is cassius and if i hadn't an apollo and a cassius muhammad ali
wait you say you hear a lot of cassius's not cash is the full name but cash
oh really wait is your kid's name short for cassius his full name is cassius no yeah hard
yeah i don't know why i did it but it felt it felt right are there any beef names that you've
shot down immediately as of late he's got the lat cassius was torque a front runner for cash
torque was a big one work is so sexual
yeah wait you want he want to name him science
that is a sick name yeah science science um excellence for a middle name
was like yeah science excellent science excellence yep yep no he's got a list he's got an ever Science excellence. Science excellence. Yep. Yep.
No, he's got a list.
He's got an ever-growing list. Is middle name free game for us?
The middle name, the first name's determined, I think,
but the middle name is wide open.
We cannot figure it out.
So we can pick out the middle name.
You can pick out the middle name.
Probably start thinking.
Start thinking of names.
Better time than the present to do name wheel.
Yeah.
I don't know if anybody has any suggestions
I feel like we can't we can't
Apollo big cat why is his middle name
kick Kate off the yak
interesting
all submit
Che
or yeah
super like Asian name really yeah oh yeah and, super like Asian name would be awesome.
Something really, yeah.
Oh yeah.
And I feel like the B would be fine
if his middle name was like Pagoda.
Oh, he does not.
Yeah, you can make it anything.
The outfits he tries to wear to the hospital.
Middle name should be for fun.
Call him Eggroll.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah, I'm open to suggestions suggestions trying to figure it out i guess once you have two kids
with the with the beeve it's just whatever yeah had another nobody cares about no i had another
appointment this morning did you know they they they gotta swab your uh for strep throat for strap like strap your pussy no you might have
strep pussy
one in five ladies has my dick's been coughing
damn they swabbed your dick has a slight fever. Every time I go,
I never know. Is someone
looking at my pussy today or not?
Who's your doctor? There's so many
appointments that you lose. You know how
it is. You think they just make up new reasons
to swab? To check it out.
I never know.
I don't know if you're going to a doctor.
You're going to a hobbyist.
A pussy hobbyist
TJ can you fact check
Enthusiast
Could Che if his wife's
Could Che get strep throat from pussy
Or could you give strep throat
To a pussy
This is the way I understood it
He told you What is it what is going
on there what did he tell you that there's a strand of strep that one in five women has
on their buzzer so he dropped the throat he's like just strep i assume strep group b is that
the same kind usually in the and throat yeah see it's strep throat that you can have in your rectums yeah buddy
no signs or symptoms though yeah you don't know you have it but you can pass it on to your kid
i guess when you give birth and you can like give them strep throat if you have it place anus strep
rectum we're keeping the name anus fuck it we're too established strep scrote. Not really. But yeah.
I just, yeah.
If one in five adults have it and Kate confirmed it's not,
then one of you four has it.
Then one of you guys has.
Strep pussy.
Yeah, but it said you could have it on your asshole.
Right, you have strep butthole.
Strep ass.
If I don't come into work tomorrow,
that's what it is.
Can't do the pod today.
My asshole has strep. my anus has strep
i had strep a ton as a kid i was one of those kids that kept that always had it and that should be a one-time thing i got it like 10 times and then i got my tonsils taken out i got it last
winter it's the worst dude i remember that have that. Have you ever had mono? No, you don't.
I remember when you had it last year.
I sent you a picture of my red-ass throat. Yeah.
It was cherry red.
Have you guys
ever had mono? No.
It was always the cute kids, the hot kids.
I was always jealous of those kids.
I had to get to stay home from school for a month.
It was horrible.
Oh, you did have it? Of course he did.
It's a big wrestler. I was trying. Oh, you did have it? Of course he did. Yeah.
It's a big wrestler.
I was trying to wrestle with it, and it was just the worst.
Were you just exhausted all the time?
You can die.
Hero energy.
You can die off mono if you overwork yourself.
You know that feeling when you're about to fall asleep in a nap?
Yeah.
It's like you have to live like that.
For like a month, right?
It was long.
Damn.
Who'd you get it from?
Yeah.
Who was it? Sam Darnold that got it? Sam Darnold. Damn. Who'd you get it from? Yeah. Who was it?
Sam Darnold that got it?
Sam Darnold got it.
Yeah, that was.
I got it in preschool.
You got it in preschool?
Yeah.
From what?
You fucking stud.
Cool guy.
Cool throne.
She.
It's a stacked ass kid.
It's the first time I had Gatorade.
That was pretty exciting for me.
Oh, yeah.
They're like, you got to drink Gatorade all day.
I was like, dope. This is awesome. Yeah. It was Gatorade. That was pretty exciting for me. Oh, yeah. They're like, you got to drink Gatorade all day. I was like, dope.
This is awesome.
Yeah, it was Gatorade and Jell-O.
Yeah.
Yeah.
TJ, did anyone have any good solutions for you for your alarm troubles?
I downloaded a new alarm.
Alarmy is the app, and it's the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life.
And then you have to do math problems to turn it off.
Wait, can you play it right now?
Oh, that sounds terrible.
Oh, that alarm is the
worst sound phone warning yes i didn't know the phone could reach like a new i thought max volume
was max volume me too that's not that's kind of relaxing terrible oh no i would hate that start
mission and then you have to do math problems to turn it off oh so you really gotta what that's
so you have to like and to to turn the snooze button off,
you have to like copy,
you have to type out
a paragraph that they give you
to like confirm
that you want to turn it off.
That is torture.
Yeah.
It sounds like a bomb
was going off.
I woke up like,
scared.
I'm scared as fuck.
How hard are the math problems?
It sounds like your spaceship's
about to crash.
Okay.
I'm so tough.
Imagine a really dumb guy downloading that app.
I'm picturing like waking up in a guy's house to that sound and him being like, what's four plus eight?
Three.
It was either math or memorization game or you have to like shake your phone for 10 seconds.
I think I'd do memorization. I think I'll just shake your phone for 10 seconds oh i think i do memorization i think i
just shake my phone with shake yeah what time do you get up uh 5 30 how's that been i hate it i
hate it so you're a night owl right i'm gonna yeah i kind of well i'll wake up uh usually about
three or four o'clock and can't sleep for an hour or two and always think about my children's deaths and everything that could ever happen to me.
But you haven't missed an episode yet, right?
Not yet, no.
TJ's the only one that's missed an episode.
Are you sleeping in your bed now?
Because you're a big couch guy.
I'm a big, yeah.
Well, I go couch, bed, couch.
I went couch, bed, couch last night.
No, I went bed, couch, bed last night.
I'm not.
TJ, I think I'm going to go a while before I miss a show.
Sure.
I doubted you making it this far.
Yeah, I've got the commute down, Pat.
I'm good.
Nice.
Only an hour 20.
My commute here is the same as it was in New York.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you get to listen to some tunes.
I do.
I listen to a lot of tunes.
When was the last time you discovered a new song?
Well, I have a rhythm.
I haven't.
It's probably since 2005.
But I have a rhythm.
In the morning, I listen to my rap mixes.
And going home, I listen to my country.
I like to relax.
I like to wake up with the rap, and I like to relax with the country on the way home.
Alan Jackson?
All 90s country.
Okay.
I like it. Yeah. But how do
you find new songs? Yeah, exactly. I don't find
new songs. I don't know why y'all keep accusing me of trying to find new songs.
I think you should. You don't listen to...
It's all 90s and 2000s.
Let us all build you a playlist. I don't need
new songs. I have Snoop Dogg.
I have Outkast. I have Ludacris.
It would help the feeling
of finding a new song.
I love finding a new song and burning it. But I like the comfort of finding a new song but i have comfort i love finding a new song and
burning it but i like the comfort of having uh my old songs but yeah that's nice too i could live
the rest of my life in 1994 and be just fine my discover weekly's been hitting lately mine's a
bunch of new ones mine's like the worst music ever made nick's been sending me a new album every day
he walks into work i walk into work It's like a 40-minute walk.
He sent me The Wonder Years.
The Wonder Years, Greatest Generation.
Great album.
There was one song that bugged me out.
It was like, I could die like this.
And the song was like, I want to die in the suburbs.
Yeah.
I want to have a heart attack while mowing my lawn.
Yeah.
I just started cracking up.
Good-ass song.
What are your songs?
Philly Band.
Yeah.
But anyone has an album for me, send it to me. Grayscale is as well, right? What? Is songs? Philly Band. Yeah. But anyone has an album?
Grayscale is as well, right?
What?
Is that a Philly band?
Grayscale's Philly.
Yeah.
You put me under that.
How do y'all learn about new bands and music?
On the sites.
Yeah, the forums, the threads.
Kurt Vile I was super late on.
I just discovered him.
Oh, Philly area guy.
I highly recommend. I'm on Orville Peck right now.
Gay cowboy.
Orville Peck?
Yeah.
That sounds good.
You're making that up.
He used to be a punk rock drummer,
but he's a gay cowboy now.
And he never shows his face.
Oh, he wears the cool hats
that are like a big lampshade around his head.
Yeah, he's cool.
He's cool as hell.
Oh, he does like old school country, Brandon.
You'd like him.
Yeah.
Aside from the gay part.
I can't tell my uncle that I listen to a gay cowboy. Oh, he's so sweet looking. What the fuck? Oh, Brandon. You'd like him. Yeah. Aside from the gay part.
I can't tell my uncle that I listen to a gay cowboy.
Oh, he's so sweet looking.
What the fuck?
Oh, yeah.
Rocks.
Oh, yeah.
Find some of his better hats.
Oh, yeah.
Looks like he's going to hold up your asshole.
Yeah, maybe.
He might.
Yeah.
Is he like popping off right now?
Yeah, he's big time.
He's having a moment for sure.
There he is.
It's like
we're at the perfect time for gay cowboy i think so are there any other kind of cowboy no no
yeah i think so name one straight cowboy back prescott the naked cowboy honey
you ever been in a lot oh yeah there, yeah. There's one. Oh, yeah. Little Nas.
What else we got?
Oh, Jerry Jones is a straight cowboy.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He's a big dude, right? No, no, no.
I bet Jerry Jones is fucked around with everything.
Yeah.
Once you get to that point of power and wealth.
I think he's had some fingers in his butt.
But that's not necessarily.
College in Arkansas in a dorm room with him and Jimmy Johnson.
Some shit went down.
He's got to have some old man balls right now.
Oh.
Right now?
This very second?
Yeah.
Right now.
Just woke up with them today?
Yeah.
Brandon, does it just happen or what?
I think you get them a lot quicker than that.
I think you get them around 43, 44.
Yeah, pop up.
When do you get them?
Is it startling?
Is it like a slow burn or one day you look down and you're like.
I don't know.
I just woke up one day and I had a lot more sack than ball.
Did you like yell? Yep. I didn't day and I had a lot more sack than ball Did you like yell?
I didn't
You have more sack than ball
What's your S to B ratio?
First off it should be that way
I started unfolding
I could turn it over
You think the ball should take up more
I would say my balls
Are 80% of my balls
That sounds about right oh no
i'm probably at like 35 to 40 ball right now i'm so much sack
no wait what age did you become more sack than ball skin everywhere i don't know
dude dude yeah it's like somebody it's like balled up pizza dough and i just keep unfolding wait
kyle what are you um i've been sacky since second grade yeah and i blamed it i always blamed it on
my hernia operation but i don't think that causes it i don't think so either yeah like lower hanging
like embarrassingly i mean i got everything i needed out of my balls in my life right like i
got it i got my four kids and i think my balls in my life, right? Like, I got it. I got my four kids.
And I think my balls just went home.
Is this something you've had to, like, address? I'm out.
Some retired ass balls.
Yeah, it's like, yeah, you're going down to Florida.
Have you had to be like, I know.
No, I don't want to.
No, I don't let my wife see my balls.
No, okay.
If you're more sack than ball, she has to see it.
I can avoid it.
I, you know, sneak into the shower, stuff like that.
I just, I don't know.
It's troubling.
And I'm worried how it's going to look like in 10 years.
I don't think you have to worry about that.
So much sack.
Like, it's, yeah, I don't think you understand how much sack is.
Okay.
So, like.
What's the proper ratio?
I think 80%.
80% is too much.
No way, dude.
Okay. Maybe 70-40? I was going to way, dude. Okay, maybe 70-40?
I was going to say 75-25.
70-40.
Hey, what's your ball situation?
110%.
I have 110% of balls.
Are we talking erect or non-erect?
Why does balls...
You had to make this weird.
Well, yeah, but you're talking about percentage of the entire thing, right?
Right now, sitting there, what's your ball percentage?
Why are you looking?
What are you looking at?
Size ratio to my soft wiener?
No.
God damn it.
The amount of ball in your sack.
Oh.
Well, I used to have three.
So what do you think is happening right now?
Regretting is so much.
Three balls.
Why can't you just answer questions normally?
Wait, three balls.
I don't know.
It was a sports hernia.
Okay. It wasn't three balls.
It looked exactly like you would have been thrown off a cliff at birth.
No, I developed it in my teens.
I don't know.
I feel like the balls are probably about
40% of the whole sack.
Well, see, there you go.
Wait, that's a lot of sack.
That's so much sack.
It's really not.
That's 60% sack.
Here, perfect.
Perfect example.
No, probably not. here we go if this is
i'll turn it this way if this is the whole thing and your balls are like that that's like 40
he's right he is yeah but that you're not also i mean you're making a two-dimensional
your balls need room to move okay let's talk about volume weight weight. If they were separated. Heft. It does
change if you're playing sports or running
or exercising. Then it's like... Yeah, everything
contracts. 80%. Yeah.
I guess they need a
little wiggle room. We need a physicist.
No.
We're going to ask him about his balls?
That'd be like the 30th scientist we would ask.
Brandon, what percentage of the city we're in?
I said 35 or 40.
I was right with you.
That's fair.
They're hanging.
Let those things hang.
I think they're done.
When they're cold, do they retreat?
Or do they just say, fuck it?
I don't remember.
I try to ignore them as much as I can.
I don't check in on them often.
Do you sit on them?
Well, they're hiding right now.
They're down there somewhere.
Your balls turned your car alarm on this past weekend.
Yeah.
No, that was just me sitting on it.
That was my ass cheek.
That wasn't my balls.
But was it the balls or the sack that turned it on?
Balls, probably.
Would have been the sack.
Would have been the sack.
Yeah.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
Well? I got it. would have been the sack yeah huh huh huh well okay remember there was a legendary yearbook from like it was like the coatsville 1997 where this kid on the golf team they're all it's like
the team photos in the back and he had snuck his balls out of his shorts a little bit for the photo
he's like on one knee so he was like a legend. Balls are funny, but Dick, not as much.
I think Dick and Balls are both funny.
Together, dynamic.
Balls are funnier than Dick's.
Balls could be a one-man show.
Dick could never go solo.
If a guy pulled his dick, that's not as funny as pulling his ball out.
Oh, no.
It's behind the blur.
Look at his little face.
No, no, I don't.'t i don't i'm just saying that's number one knows there's i'm just saying all because he was they made a gap for it yeah so the front row knew yeah that was a game plan that was
a formation they were well aware yeah damn i wonder how many team pictures have balls That we don't even know about
There's one hanging in Caldwell High School
I remember finding it at a wrestling tournament
That is a track team
I was like wow do they even know
You were the one that discovered the balls
I need someone to go there and check
Caldwell High School
Send Kyle the picture of teen balls
Break into it high school.
Yeah.
I was young.
I was younger than you.
Don't get it.
Mission, abort, mission.
Break into the high school and find high school balls.
We got them.
Oh, man.
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Hell yeah.
Is there a package
for me from Cliff DeMartino? Does anyone
know? Did he
send me a back massage thing?
Are we bankrupting Cliff DeMartino?
He must be.
Probably.
I think he has a lot on his head. Yeah.
Yeah.
Good dude.
He's a plug here.
He's a good plug.
Fuck, I'll have to ask.
I don't know where anything is in his office.
Why couldn't you just buy yourself a back massage?
He asked me if I wanted it.
I guess he had one.
I said, yeah, please.
I mean, you're spending all your money on Piper.
On Piper.
Yeah.
Piper Jones.
Any new additions?
Things still waiting to arrive
Yeah
A little house
Yeah
A big house
Yeah
I don't have room for it
We're all getting Piper gifts right?
That's still a thing
Oh we are?
I was on
Wall art
I will
She um yeah
She just likes to play with plastic bags and laundry
You done the laser beam yet?
Oh no You were missing out I forgot about you're missing out i feel like that's evil no that's a cheat code that's my cat
loves it just like fucking around with the cat making it run the whole reason you get a cat is
to fuck with the cat yeah but is there any brain thought from that cat that it's like i'm gonna
get that red dot tell you something that cat is gonna fuck with you as often as it can you're right so you gotta get ahead of that gotta
fight back i hate cats yeah i love cats but they're evil sons of bitches i'm allergic but i
think it's a simple pet to have i used to have three or four cats at all times i think a lot
of dog guys are cat guys in disguise they don't know it yet they don't know it yeah cats are
awesome i want a dog they make you earn their respect. I want a dog. The dogs are, yeah.
I see the appeal.
I could see you with a dog.
Dogs just give you the respect.
Yeah.
I want a little tiny dog.
Why a tiny dog?
I'm a tiny dog guy.
I love shih tzus.
I saw a greyhound coming in today.
Too skinny.
I know, but I just like seeing.
This city, you see a lot of different dogs.
Oh, yeah.
A wide variety of dogs. A dog variety.
Yeah.
Everybody in my building's got a dog.
I saw a basset hound the other day. I've never seen more dogs in my life. Maybe if I of dogs. A dog variety. Yeah. Everybody in my building's got a dog. I saw a bass in town the other day.
I've never seen more dogs in my life. I've traveled so many dogs.
Maybe if I didn't have to fucking go to Portland.
Oh, yeah.
You're excited.
Let's pull an all-nighter and just go
crazy. I think you have a choice.
We don't have a choice.
But Saturday night. Wait, are you guys here tomorrow?
Or I didn't, yeah.
Our flight's at midnight.
Our flight's at midnight Saturday.
Friday, I think we're leaving at like, I don't know,
7 or 8 or something.
Imagine taking Adderall for a flight.
I've done it.
Why?
My thought process is
that if you're not going to sleep,
the plane is perfect for Adderall
if you do it recreationally.
No, it's not.
What do you do the entire time?
Adderall makes tedious things a blast.
So if you're going to be stuck in a seat, you're going to...
Oh, playing a phone game or something like that?
Yeah, writing things in your notes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Can you sleep on a plane?
I cannot sleep on a plane.
Yeah, if I'm tired.
I can't.
I never can.
No matter how tired i am i took
a red eye back from tucson 11 p.m to 7 a.m i never went to sleep damn yeah i can never no matter how
long the flight i'm gonna pull an all-nighter yeah and so i will do it so i'm not miserable
for sunday do you get nervous anymore yeah still you're streaming sunday i don't think i am i last
week it was three days of streams in a row. Yeah.
I'm going to stream Sunday.
It's the best.
Watch football?
Yeah, I'm not worried about you.
I got to live my life, man.
Y'all want to go ahead and spin the wheel, and we can finish after that?
Yeah, I have a dog walk draft with Kate.
Yes.
Really?
Yep.
Topic?
Common and... Did we say it? Oh, no, never mind. I don't want to take that. It's common something. Yes. Really? Yep. Copic. Common and...
Did we say it? Oh, no. Never mind. I don't want it to take
time. It's common something. Yeah.
Balls ratio. Common, lyrics, bars.
Stack ratio.
Buy a gun. Here we go. Yes!
Are we buying a gun? Yes!
So put everybody on a wheel, right?
Eliminator.
KB, you have a needler from Halo.
I have a needler already, but...
Can we take that to the range soon?
No, I asked.
Oh, we can't bring it?
No.
Is this everyone or is Big Cat exempt from this?
Big Cat's not here.
I think he would want to be on it, though.
Yeah, put him on.
Big Cat?
I don't think so.
Yes.
I say yes.
He's golfing with...
He's doing a pro
hammer i'll put in the eye we hit we hit
uh gun wheel who wants to buy a gun what
you don't want a gun
this should this is better odds for us
it can be any kind of gun right
yeah like a nail gun yeah ball gun blue
gun
i want a piece i will buy a gun gun that
is my
promise to you guys what What do you want?
Like what type?
Whatever I don't have.
Okay.
Let's go shooting sometime.
What's your guys' favorite gun from GoldenEye, the video game?
Oh, the Golden Gun.
Golden Gun is everybody's favorite, but I liked the one that looked like.
The Golden Gun doesn't suck.
It's one shot kill.
It's one shot kill, but it's a little pistol.
But it's a one shot kill.
And made of gold.
But it's a little pistol. It's a gun-shot kill, but it's a little pistol. But it's a one-shot kill! And made of gold. It's a gun!
Is it effectiveness affected by the fact
that it's small? No, it's one-shot, Kyle.
It's one-shot kill any part of the gun.
How are you saying yes if it's one-shot?
Why does it matter? It's gold. It's sick.
You can't really do it from far away.
But why does it matter what size it is if it's a one-shot kill?
Because you can't really shoot it from far away accurately.
I liked the gun that looked like the cash-out scanner.
RCP 390?
Yeah, me too.
Wow.
So we're all buying a gun, right?
Were you good at GoldenEye?
No, no, no.
I was terrible at GoldenEye.
I was the worst in my friend group at GoldenEye.
I was not close to the best.
I would always demand Mario Kart 64.
Say, all right, I'll play this with y'all, but then we have to play Mario Kart.
Damn, that's puss mode.
Right.
You'll get wrecked, dude.
Damn right.
Puss mode?
How can asking for one video game over another be puss mode?
Because you suck at that game, and you want to play a...
You just said you weren't good at it either.
Yeah, I wasn't, but I just took my lumps like a man.
Wow.
From the start of this topic... Dominated, this topic Dominic chewed you up into a puree
yeah
post mode
let's find out who's buying a fucking piece
yeah
iron
I get pretty sad sometimes
no
wait are you the one buying the gun no oh eliminators sometimes. No!
Wait, are you the one buying the gun? No.
Oh, eliminators you don't get.
Oh.
Hmm.
Oh, if Big Cat gets it, he'll buy the sweetest gun.
Zai, you want a piece?
Yeah. What's the timing
here? Maybe next week?
Yeah, I think you have to at least go through the process
like apply yeah
fuck no damn it
now we're not gonna get a good gun
we're not gonna have a fun one I wanted him to get like an RPG
you know what the cat would have done he would have gone
and bought seven guns I know
I feel bad I don't want to be the only one with a gun
you get a gun
sorry Steve that's good.
Yeah, I think we can all agree with that one.
Nose up!
Damn.
Sorry, Zaha.
Alright.
I think KB's gonna get it.
KB? Yeah.
You'll buy it, right?
I thought you said Katie.
No gun for Brandon.
He already has enough.
Hey, trio of slingers.
My dad will be so proud of me.
I like the color scheme here, too.
The first ever cream pie gun.
That'll be a good footbag color.
The only one trained to have it.
Oh, my God. KB. Here we color the only one trained to have it oh my god
here we go you're gonna have to be around the gun a lot i have to be around the gun so much
i'm gonna bring it to every anus recording uh-huh all right best of seven you want it to land on
your name okay okay mook do you have gun money no oh we'll. Oh, we'll get you gun money.
I'm going to buy one up.
Do you have space in your apartment for it?
You can hide a lot of guns in that couch.
I'm going to have to put it in the oven.
Yeah.
You got the gun.
I shut you out.
I get to shoot you in the ass.
Do you?
Okay.
That's our suit.
Oh, no.
Fuck.
You shoot her right in the ass?
Right in the ass, yeah.
Oh, no, dude.
Oh. No. Fuck. He shoot right in the ass? Right in the ass, yeah. Oh, no, dude.
No.
What the fuck?
Shot in the ass.
I'm cooked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on.
Shut out, shut out, shut out.
No way.
Shut him out, shut him out, shut him out! Oh, look!
By the hair on your ass, you made it.
I kind of wanted that.
Well, you're not a hell of it now.
Oh, shit.
There we go.
I'm right back.
If Mook comes back on a 3-0, you get shot in the ass.
Yeah, fair.
On that thing, though, it might recoil and get mook in the fucking right between the eyes.
Oh, my God.
What gun are you going to get?
KB's got a gun.
Yeah. What is it?
The laws? Pretty
easy, right? Here in Illinois?
Six-month wait list? We can go to
O-Block and just cop if you want.
Can you buy a gun outside the city and keep it in an armory or something? We can also just drive'Block and just cop if you want. Can you like buy a gun outside the city
and keep it in an armory
or something?
We can also just drive
to another state
and get it like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, but then you have
to bring it back.
That's a felony?
Yes.
Brandon, you certainly
don't have out of state guns,
do you?
Don't raid his house.
Really?
I'm gonna,
I'm out.
Thank God you live in Wisconsin I know somebody that's throwing things in the lake tonight
okay I mean it has been done from where I live transporting across state lines
oh you're in written house territory yep
wow yeah you are is his name like on like welcome to blank no yeah i don't know if he lives there
anymore i'd imagine not yeah he's bigger than us now yeah he's massive you know who's huge? The PSY, the Korean?
Psy?
Psy.
Do you think he was a game system?
I never knew.
Because it's all caps, yeah.
I saw him like, they shot him out.
Yeah, it looks like he's going to hurt you. On stage, it was the coolest thing in the world.
Yeah, can we pull that out?
His fans are still rabid as ever.
Look at him.
Oh, shit.
Oh, gang him.
Look at this.
Oh, that's
he's the man
can we get one of those
wait is that the gang
style guy yeah oh
he's still huge my son is obsessed
with that that is can't stop listening
that crowd is raucous holy shit
that crowd is exactly
that looks so much fun they're having the
fucking time of their life.
Look at that.
Is that water gun spray?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yes, it is.
There's water gun spray.
Look at him.
Oh, what the fuck is he doing?
Oh, wait.
What's he doing?
Dancing with the stars.
He's got the Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Colonel Sanders.
Colonel Sanders.
Look at him go.
He rocks.
He got it. How old is he? He's another one where you can't tell. Colonel Sanders. Look at him go. He rocks. He's got it.
How old is he?
He's another one where you can't tell.
Probably 40.
Huh.
42 maybe?
I wouldn't be shocked if he's like the richest man ever.
Yeah.
What do you think his sack to ball ratio is?
It is probably good.
Oh, J.Y. Park.
He's probably got 10 tight.
Sorry.
Wow.
Go ahead.
I feel like he's got
tight balls
we gotta get
Cy on anus
just do it
60 million
I would've
I would've put his
net worth over 60
I would've been
triple digits
of the millions
huh
everybody pepper him
to come on anus
please
love to get Cy
be a big get
we had White Sox
Dave
it's pretty big
close
wow
can I say
I
live near him
and I was walking
through the park
the other day
taking my son to daycare
and this man
is sprinting
like so fast
that I was like
I made a note
I was like
holy shit
that's a really fast guy
it was White Sox Dave
sprinting?
sprinting laps around the park
you had to be getting chased i he
did by the time we got out of the park he had done like three laps around us he was doing like
cardio wind sprint he was like sprinting dave what the hell yeah he saw you sprinting fast
here's a fat i'm telling him how fast you are you're a sprinter he's like i was like shocked
at how fast you were you could just sit in that's like i was like shocked at how fast you were you could
just sit in that everyone told me not to tell you jog the chairs no no that's right it wasn't for
you then if that was your jog i was like holy shit balls dave's so he's so fast he was a morning
jock i guess i don't mean this in a shitty way but i didn't know it's like weird to see you outside here i didn't know you had like
athletic you were at a what pace were you doing i did a 7 30 pace it seemed very fast you definitely
started sprinting when somebody started watching you that's pretty good i'm sorry you definitely
started maybe like when somebody started watching you no you have you have pretty short legs maybe
the legs to keep the 7 20 pace have you moving a little bit
quicker that is actually the opposite of how it works the longer your legs the less i don't think
it is the opposite of how the longer you'll appear quicker with short choppy oh maybe oh that's what
you okay maybe yeah yeah all i know before i realized it was you i was like that guy's going
really fast and then i was like oh my god it's white socks dave they told me not to the other
guys told me not to tell you how fast
you're doing this i believe that he's run um i don't know a few times a week nice yeah i'll mix
it up you've been looking good steven okay well that's adversarial for no reason i'm joking he
are you faster than steve uh no steven oh in a sprint i think i would be what about a mile
you're faster than him in In a mile, maybe.
I can go at a pace for like miles and miles because I did the marathon a few years ago.
So, not to brag.
I was going to say, each lap that I saw him do was equally as fast.
He didn't slow down.
Steven, do you think you would beat him in a race?
A mile?
A mile?
Probably not.
What about a sprint?
A hundred meter sprint.
That's a long race, though. I know it's not, but a sprint? A hundred meter sprint. That's a
long race, though. I know it's not, but it is.
Fifty meter sprint. Fifty would be a good one.
It'd be close. That's your bread and butter.
Somebody's probably pretty close. Somebody have some nuts here.
Could you be?
I think I heard it right here.
And
good coverage. Good D.
Shifty. Damn, Che, what? Well, that throw was late.
That was a bad throw.
Chief did well. That was one bad throw. He Che, what? Well, that throw was late. That was a bad throw. Chief did well.
That was one bad throw.
He had a step on him.
That throw was late.
Yeah.
Little jukin'.
Whoa.
Okay.
The knee just fucking popped it right into his hands.
Yeah, that was bad.
Yeah, but he had the inside step on him.
Yeah, he did have you there.
I was giving him the inside step.
Oh.
I was staying underneath. I just giving him the inside step. Oh.
I just didn't want to get beat deep.
Yeah, this was actually a lot of fun on a work day.
Just going out, tossing the ball, running some rounds. There's nothing better than throwing a football.
Nothing.
It's the greatest thing on earth.
We all had a great time.
Yeah.
But we were talking over there, like, who are the most athletic people in this office,
and people said Che and White Sox Dave.
No.
White Sox Dave?
Do we need to pull up the Barstool vs. America challenge?
We can do that.
KB is, like, easily the most athletic.
No, I'm not.
I'm just saying.
The strongest, I would say.
I don't do sports well.
Like, basketball, football.
Look at his arms.
That's not a sport.
You keep trying to make that that's like bowling
weren't you good at bowling too though when you did that a few weeks back
i had like a a few strikes in a row you popped off your first game yeah didn't you have like
a 200 or something no it was like 180 no i think brandon's a good athlete at a very limited scale.
You're going to get winded.
I was a terrific athlete up until like 28, and then I just all fell off.
But you can look good dribbling the ball down and pulling up.
I can shoot a pretty jump.
I can hit a ball a long way, but I can't run.
I thought I was until we played Yak basketball.
You're going to be at the Barstool Bar.
Yeah, tonight.
You're going to be blacked out, so go ahead and see that.
Honky Tonk.
I'll do the belly punch if you guys want to step up and challenge me.
That's a joke.
I will not do that tonight.
You had me going there for half a second.
I'll be doing the belly flop.
That's a joke.
You don't know what that is, though. I know, but let it out. I'll be doing the belly flop. That's a joke. You don't know what that is, though, the belly flop.
I know, but let it simmer.
Is that how Houdini does it?
No, because I say things and people take them very literally.
You didn't let it simmer.
And then I get into the belly flop.
Might as well have not said it.
Things I was joking about.
What is it?
This happened one time, and it's told on on various forms of barstool
radio you don't need to have so many filler words but chief told the story a couple weeks ago and
he completely butchered it so it's like what happened was this i was at a white socks bar
after a white socks and we'd been drinking and talking all day it was a saturday and this a
white socks fan he didn't like me because i'm not from
the south side he said he's like you're not from here we don't want you i'm like okay dude and we
ended up and we ended up like got me and so anyways we started becoming like friendly and
like busting each other's balls and we what's the ratio of the balls i'm sorry i'm sorry oh the ratio of the
balls yeah continue sorry keep going two each side um okay that's good yeah sorry um and we
did this thing where we would take a shot and then like we would have to stand there
and punch each other in the stomach until someone dropped or tapped out and i lost
how many that's how we settled our beef, like five maybe.
Chief says it was like
eight, it was like four or five.
And you were going like full force. And I did end up
puking. Holy shit, Jesus.
So Dave will not be
doing that.
That's not going to happen at
all. Don't offer me Jameson
at Barstool River North tonight.
Who else coming from there from here
that's the reunion show for catch a predator
i might go and get mozzarella sticks to be honest great food yes i know you got good food there i've
been craving their ma sticks like crazy yeah we Yeah, we went yesterday. We did. Yeah. Yeah.
Stein holding competition.
Some random ringer came in and won the whole thing.
This guy walks in, he's like, give me the Stein.
There was a Stein ringer.
Wait, you just hold a Stein like as long as you can?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it?
Like it's a full Stein?
Full Stein.
How heavy?
It's a full Stein.
It's heavy.
What's that got to be, like five pounds?
Yeah, probably close.
Five pounds? Three pounds? Heavy, probably close. Five pounds.
Three pounds?
That's probably like, how much liquid is that?
32, 40 ounces?
I should have won. They're bigger than you.
Yeah, they're big.
Rudy tickled me.
Rudy was tickling me.
Rudy tickled me.
It was Yankenstein.
And it sucked.
Yeah, he couldn't keep off you.
Don't blame him.
At all.
All right.
I dismissed.
Yeah.
See Dave tonight.
You're doing the stomach thing.
Yeah.
Punch.
Punching game.
Can we put that on the flyer?
The stomach thing?
He's not doing that.
Next Wednesday, trivia.
Yeah.
Next Wednesday, I'll be doing opinion-based trivia.
Whoever wants to come, I have them written up.
Love it.
It'll be teams.
Can't believe you didn't know Raymundo. You will stand up. I fucked up doing opinion based trivia. Whoever wants to come I have them written up. I will be teams. You will stand up.
I fucked up on Raymundo.
You will stand up and I will ask you a question.
Like.
Who's the ugliest woman?
And then you have to answer it.
And I will sign points.
It's like debating.
Is it?
Jesus Christ.
Who said Sandra? Immediately. is it yeah jesus christ who said sandra
immediately that's not gonna be one of the questions i wasn't expecting anybody
and you said it you what the fuck
that is an insane answer you're a dog you're locked and loaded. Like Kyle. Can you give us a sample?
Don't waste a question.
Most dead celebrity.
Okay.
Your table will have to figure it out
and one person will stand up
and we assign points one through ten.
Michael Jackson.
I think we're going to try to do like 25.
I'm trying to think how...
I'd imagine there will be a lot of banter betwixt.
PFT will be there.
Kyle, Mookie, if you guys want to.
I think they're going to be there.
It'll be fun.
If it works, we'll do it again.
If it doesn't work,
we'll probably still do it again.
It's the Yak.
All right.
Happy Thursday.
Peace.
It's the Yak.
What?
It's your strong Jack Star.
No.
No.
Uh-oh.
What? See you tomorrow.
Bye.