The Yak - Nick Was a Science Fair God | The Yak 3-2-23
Episode Date: March 2, 2023SassafrasYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Just like set it into the universe.
Pretty awesome.
It was kind of sweet.
It's the Yak.
It's just me and Nick.
Just talking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know Kate was, I saw Kate.
We sit next to each other.
She got a phone call.
She got the bite phone call.
Oh no. And the bite today. No each other. She got a phone call. She got the bite phone call. Oh, no.
And the bite today.
No.
Yeah.
That's a fucking tragedy.
Yeah.
So what, does she have to unenroll her job from school?
This is her story, but I do think that she had to.
They have a last resort for Kate's little baby boy.
They have a last resort.
What do you mean?
They are moving him to a bigger kid's classroom.
Hopefully the boys are... More intimidating?
Intimidating that he won't want to feast.
He'll fight back? They're not bite-sized
kids? No, they're not bite-sized kids.
Damn, dude. That sucks so bad for her.
Kate's kid bit a tenth?
Tenth bite happened just now.
She's on the phone? Her kid's biting?
Tenth bite. He's out.
It was his last bite. He was on his last straw beaver jr
yeah i fucking don't be damned i neff's getting pushed around at the marble museum what he's at
marble or marvel marbles oh there's a marble museum i think it just called marbles but it's
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Robiak. Robiak. So y'all were talking about
Kate's baby biting just on the show?
Yeah.
Oh.
Why is that not good?
We're airing out her dirty laundry.
That bites a lot of bites, though.
That bites a lot of bites.
It's more than the rules.
You could finish a foot-long sub in 10 bites.
I'll order one now.
BMT?
What is exactly a foot-long meatball?
I bet you it's 10 bites.
A meatball takes big bites.
How many meatballs is in it?
Six?
No, I think it's eight.
Eight?
Yeah.
Oh, I think that might be more.
Yeah, you're right.
I think...
No, I bet you it's 10.
No, I think it's like 16.
Round of hoagies, please.
It would be four and four, right?
Yeah, you think it's...
Your bites are bigger than one inch?
No, you're talking about the amount of meatballs?
Four and four, but are you taking it down to four bites?
No.
No, it's going to be...
You're not eating one meatball per bite.
Right, that's why I think it's five bites each half of the sub.
13 to 15 bites.
A round of hoagies, please.
I think it's 14 to 16.
You almost said 15.
I like what you did.
Bites get smaller at the back end, right?
I mean, I don't know.
John Rich did a video with Fasoli.
I'm not going to say the video,
but John Rich told me that the topic of 9-11 came up,
and Fasoli says he remembers it well.
He would have been one.
Yeah, he doesn't remember shit.
There's just no way.
He definitely remembers his time on the league as well.
Kate, please.
Today's your day.
Sorry, Kate.
How's your morning going?
You know how it's going.
So does everybody else.
Oh, no.
More biting?
I blabbed.
That's okay.
I can't keep my mouth shut like your boy.
It's quite the pickle. I don't know what your boy. It's quite the pickle.
I don't know what to do.
It is quite the pickle.
So what was the conversation?
So the real last-ditch effort now,
they're going to move him into another class.
This will be his third that they moved him.
I think they're like, maybe he's bored, and that's why.
But I think it's because they're so tired of telling he's bored and that's why but i think it's because
they're so tired of telling this set of parents that their kid has been bit that they just need
fresh kids you know what i'm saying so that it's less stressful telling the parents their kid has
been bit uh but they said this time they're moving into the new classroom and like for real for real
this time this is like he had to have been salivating with all those new tastes so that'll start next week
they're gonna transition him into a new classroom i gotta find i gotta find a new daycare i'm on a
waiting list at like five different daycares but it's crazy out there can someone bump you to the
front of the list and also were you just like why would they yeah well now that the cat's out of the
bag yeah that's a good point and were you like waiting, hoping that you could just get to like Chicago, like the Chicago date and just be out of here?
Kind of.
I was hoping because they say you look it up on online and it's like, well, your kid's either going through a phase or he's a sociopath or he's doomed forever.
It's a coin flip.
Do you think it's a sensory thing?
Like he likes the feeling, or it's
spawned by anger? I think it's
normally at the end of the day when it happens,
because they give you the full report, and it's when someone gets
in his face. You just got the call
today that it happened. They were telling
me about that, so I guess he bit on Friday,
but then when the snow, like they didn't
hand me the sheet in the snow, but they were following up
on a bite that occurred on Friday. Biting arms,
legs, faces.
He's gone for the face a couple times on people.
I don't know.
How is he napping?
He naps like a dream.
He naps great.
He sleeps.
He sleeps.
I don't know.
So he not only bites, he then goes to sleep and sleeps easily.
He sleeps easily, but no.
I don't know, man.
It's stressful.
I read him this book, Teeth Are Not For Biting
All the time and he loves it
He loves the book
You just want to bring him here put him in that chair
A bite wheel see who here he would go for
I mean I would usually get bit by a kid
I feel like it would be kind of a sweet release
I used to cut myself
I just ordered five
I ordered five foot longs for us
Meatball mariners. What?
Yeah, that's great. I didn't need one.
All right. We're in the discussion.
You were in the discussion. And you piped up.
You really did. One's for TJ, bro.
Okay. Wait, five?
Five dollar footlongs. What's that?
No, he didn't say five dollars. Yeah, they weren't
meatball footlongs. I don't think it's
five dollar footlong season. Do they even do that
anymore? Did COVID eat five dollar footlongs? I don't think meat's $5 footlong season. Do they even do that anymore?
Did COVID eat $5 footlongs?
I don't think Meatball ever made the $5 footlong.
It was too dense of a... I think Meatball made it, didn't it?
I thought it did.
Maybe.
Remember that lady who sued because she got a ruler and she said,
this is eight inches.
I hate her.
$5 footlong.
Was it eight inches?
It was.
Dang.
A Big Mac isn't big compared to some other things.
Right.
But there's not a unit of measurement in the Big Mac.
I wonder what went wrong with the eight-inch footlong
because all the footlongs I've ever gotten seem like they're about a foot long.
I've never seen it.
Eight inches?
I think they probably just...
A bad bread?
A wide knife.
Did they bake their own bread there, right?
Or is it just in those weird-ass refrigerators?
Weird-ass refrigerators in those big-ass bags.
Yeah.
Right.
Subway's kind of gross, and I haven't been having it much.
But for this purpose, we can see how many bites.
You actually did get Subway.
Yeah.
It's the restaurant that everybody at home, if they want to experiment.
We set a foot-long sub 10 bites.
That's one 10.
Go out and get you a foot-long.
You brought 10 bites.
Oh, is that what we're doing?
Do you think you...
Is that...
How many bites will it take you to finish?
I think everybody sets their own bite goal.
I think I have a whole meatball a bite.
Well, isn't Guinness is supposed to be seven sips,
and you're supposed to be able to count it
by the lines of foam on the glass?
What the hell?
That's gulp.
Seven Guinness?
Seven.
Count of Guinness, boys.
Guinness, please.
That does sound fun as fuck. Let's go. Seven Guinness? Seven. No. A ton of Guinness, boys. Guinness, please. That does sound fun as fuck.
Let's drink tomorrow.
I'm going to Rough and Rowdy tomorrow.
Rough and Rowdy.
Yes.
Will you guys be watching it on the pay-per-view?
Oh, yeah.
I do every time.
It's a blast.
By rnr.com.
I actually watch every one as well, even if I'm not there.
I've missed maybe four of them total, and wherever I am, I always watch them.
The Abel Brothers will be there?
Yes.
Ironic last name.
I wanted to say the Abel Brothers.
I think that it's going to be great, though. A lot of women fight.
That's the key fight, right?
That's what they call it. The cherry bomb against the main event.
I think three of the top five fights or three of the top
six are first ever female title
main event. Yeah, that's the one. Cherry bomb
versus the... I like that name.
The Backwoods Badass.
Vicious Vicky D.
Irish Dave Portnoy is a funny ass name.
Is Big Booty Daddy...
Oh, he's from Hurricane?
Hold on, can you go back to Big Booty Daddy?
Who's from Hurricane?
Irish Dave Portnoy.
Oh, yeah.
The Hurricane boys have heavy hands.
He's not Irish.
He just doesn't hear Shaxx.
That's how you say that word when it's in front of West Virginia?
Yeah, Hurricane.
Hurricane.
Yeah, it's one of our most prospering towns.
But Big Booty Daddy's back
and I think he doesn't get paid unless he
has a knockout.
Which is a cool thing of him to do.
Strawberry Cowboy, that sounds like a weed I want to smell.
Yeah, Hard Hands versus
Wild Shanks.
Diamond Hands is going to be the star of this one, I think.
Really?
Yeah, he's insane.
He fought in a hockey ice boxing league.
Oh, yeah.
And then in his rough and rowdy debut,
just destroyed one of the ableists.
That's a hockey player right there?
Oh, that's Kosey's hockey player.
We have a guy that's running for governor
of West Virginia Fighting.
Really?
Can you go back again?
There was one...
Oh, I thought that said...
No, go forward.
You already had Hurricane West Virginia.
I thought that said Tornado West Virginia.
There is a Tornado West Virginia. Yeah, there is. There's said Tornado West Virginia. There is a Tornado. Yeah, there is.
There's a Tornado West Virginia.
Yeah, it's right next to Nitro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then the West Virginia State Wrestling Tournament kicks off today.
If you want to see kids who won zero matches at regionals,
who qualified for the state tournament because there's only four-man brackets.
Damn. tournament because there's only four man brackets and when i was in uh seventh grade we i was in a
choir and we went to a singing competition in fucking disney world and it was uh it was two
teams per uh bracket and so you either came in first or second and we were pretty pretty psyched
to be in the top two.
I entered a state science fair.
I've talked about this
at West Liberty University.
Got second out of one.
Got second out of one
because I didn't meet
the point threshold.
I was the only project
in my category
and I got second.
They called me on stage
and everybody clapped for me
to get a silver medal
and then they just moved
to the next category.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
It was so fucking embarrassing.
Why couldn't they just give you that gold?
I didn't meet the point threshold to move on to the national fair.
What was your project?
I went to the mall twice.
Once dressed as like a punk with like a mohawk up.
And then I changed and went in like nicer clothes.
And I would ask people the time.
And I got nicer responses dressed nicely
than as a punk.
That's like a TikTok.
Yeah, I didn't get enough fucking points.
You're ahead of your game.
You're ahead of the times.
But that is not science at all.
Social science.
That's why I was the only one in the category.
Oh, really?
Yeah, because people were just like,
wait, you can do that?
I made a fucking magnet.
I made a bullet train.
Damn. No. I just went to the mall. I'm trying to remember what science shit I did. I made a fucking magnet I made a bullet train damn no
I just went to the mall
I'm trying to remember
what science shit I did
science fair projects
I won every school
science fair
I blew ribbon
I came in first
in every school science fair
but then when I went off
to states
embarrassing
dang dude
what were some of the things
that were winning
you science fairs?
My first ever science fair I did on Judaism.
What?
I went to a bat mitzvah that summer, my cousins.
It was a science fair?
And I was like, this is crazy.
So my first science fair was on bat mitzvahs.
Well, mine was how fast does water boil?
That's science.
I don't think I knew
what science was
and neither did the judges
so I just kept winning
and getting bodied in states.
Just things they didn't understand?
Well, it was a Catholic school
and they were like,
what?
And the judge was like a priest
and he was just like,
oh my God.
He made a little Torah.
Wait, so you just had
a presentation on like
what is Judaism?
Yeah.
That was your science project?
Yeah.
Did it fold in three?
Was it a –
Yeah.
It was the big board.
Tri-fold pusher board.
That's really all you needed.
Then I did one on the thickness of mattresses on Alcatraz.
What?
I don't know.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I just thought it was like a part of torture.
It was torturous how thin they were.
It was. Then I did the one going to the mall.
And then I did one where I how music affected your mood.
And that's a pretty good one.
Yeah.
So I sent out CDs to people and just they ranked how they felt afterwards.
Why do I remember that?
I sent you one.
Okay.
And the CD was five songs.
Sugar Sugar was on there it was that was that was everybody that was everybody's favorite no not that one no how'd you get so fly
that does boost that's euphoric i ran away with it what the fuck what was the sad song on there
um it was all songs that were like charting at the time, I think.
Man, I still have the CD line around.
This sounds like you're doing like consumer research for like a big brand.
I didn't know what science was.
Well, we also did social studies ones that we switched every other year.
It may have been that.
It may have been social studies.
I did something about smoking at restaurants. It was during the time when they were passing that year. Yeah. It may have been that. It may have been social studies. I did something about smoking at restaurants.
It was during the time when they were passing that law.
Yeah.
I didn't understand what social studies was.
It was kind of like we didn't have history,
but it was like history for us kind of thing.
What's that?
You're right.
Then one year social studies just flipped and became civics.
Did you have civics class?
Ninth grade for this one.
Yeah.
For us.
What is civics?
Social studies evolves into civics.
More study in actual government?
Communities.
Civilization?
Yeah, communities.
All season stuff?
I don't know.
The fuck?
Yeah, but I just got destroyed, demolished, obliterated in the state fairs.
And it was so demoralizing.
Sean Rittner made a hoverboard at the state science fair.
Hoverboard?
A hoverboard.
Real one?
Holy shit.
Did it work?
It was like it was like it inflated.
It was more of a he stood on top of a balloon.
But he swept every category.
That's not a hoverboard.
But I hit him like watching him like place this hoverboard on the ground while he was setting up,
and I was setting up my little tiny Torah.
I remember it was so stressful, those FAF.
It took them so seriously.
We were so academically competitive at our school.
That's a good thing.
We get this end-of-the-year plaque in eighth grade
with all of your accomplishments,
and everyone wants the biggest plaque.
Right, because if you get a small plaque, it'll just say you did
general. You got a medal. You just got a medal
for general service. But then
the more things you got, like if you
hit three things, you got a plaque. You were trying to
do everything. I was doing poetry declamations.
Poetry declamation.
If you got four things, you got a bigger plaque.
And then six things, a bigger one.
Was the science fair mandatory?
Yes.
You could get superior, excellent, and then six things a bigger one. Oh, yeah. Was the science fair mandatory? Yes. Yeah.
They were like, you could get superior, excellent, great, good, fair,
and then poor.
Poor.
So you'd have a ribbon on your board that said poor.
We would all have our parents do it.
Yeah.
And we would get superiors, and then the kids from broken families
would just get in fucking pores.
I remember Logan Seidler made the Italian flag out of pasta for his science fair.
Dude, that poor ribbon was waving.
He got poor for that, and I think it was to tell his parents their socioeconomic class.
I remember the color.
It was white.
It was a white poor ribbon.
We got the superior blues.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Excellent was red, good was yellow, and poor was white. It was a white poor ribbon. We got the superior blues. Excellent was red.
Good was yellow and poor was white.
They shouldn't make poor ribbons.
These kids were like
they had
special needs.
Do you think they ordered
a proportionate amount of poor ribbons
where they're like we need to give these out.
We have 300 poor ribbons.
Do you remember the worst science fair? He a kid yeah it was what is goop what is goop it was a it was a bowl
of mush was it gwyneth paltrow like a bowl of gray mush it was like concrete mix it was just he wrote
it in pen and oh yeah it felt so bad he didn't even have like the header for his board so like
he just wrote it on the board. What is goop?
Wait, was it the goop where it's,
if you press on it, it's kind of hard?
No, he did it that morning.
He might be thinking gack.
Yeah, because I did that.
You're thinking gack or slime.
Or putty.
Or even goop.
He just did, what is goop?
Goop.
It was like baking soda and chewed up fucking cereal.
Brandon, you never had a science fair?
You just don't remember.
We would have
our individual classrooms
in like 5th and 6th grade would nominate
two or three kids to go.
I was trying to get the nomination
one year and I made a study
of whatever types of rocks.
Ignis.
Ignis sedimentary. And my teacher was an absolute a study of what are the types of rocks? Yeah.
Ignis sedimentary.
And my teacher was an absolute total fucking bitch.
She was a mean, mean woman.
She's dead now, thank God.
But I
was one of the only ones that did it.
And we were in the fifth grade downstairs.
The sixth grade was upstairs and she just
screamed at me in front of everybody.
You think I'm going to send you upstairs for a damn box of rocks?
And it did not go well.
She just screamed at me.
And it was just a box of rocks.
I just said, this is igneous, this is simicins, and this is other stuff.
Metamorfic.
Yeah.
I had a teacher that I thought was a bitch as well, and I remember we all had to make –
we were all assigned volcanoes to recreate.
This wasn't science fair.
This was just a volcano class.
I was the only kid assigned an extinct volcano.
Mount Aconcagua.
That seems fine.
How is he going to recreate Aconcagua?
That's zero fun.
That's no fun.
It's dormant.
Aconcagua. But you couldn't have done it in all its glory? That's zero fun. That's no fun. It's dormant. Oh, that's right. Okay.
A congagua.
But you couldn't have done it in all its glory?
You couldn't have restored it?
No, it had to be accurate to how it is.
She was very... Where is a congagua?
I think it is in Argentina.
Wow, it's beautiful.
I don't know.
Is it in Argentina?
Chile, maybe?
It's South America, I'd imagine.
They got the fucking mountains down there.
Yeah, they do.
Peru and shit.
Yeah. I want to get They got the fucking mountains down there. Yeah, they do. Peru and shit. Yeah.
I want to get down to like the very southern tip.
Is it cold?
Yeah.
The Patagonia?
It looks sick.
Yeah.
They got penguins.
I want to live in the Patagonia.
No, you don't, dude.
Yes, I do.
I want to buy property on Chokoloskee Island in Florida
if anyone knows anything about it.
Where's it at?
It's a little tiny island off of the Everglades.
Tiny islands.
I love zooming on them on the Snapchat.
Low populated islands.
Have you guys, have we done this on the show
ever? Looked up the price of islands?
You can like buy islands.
Why haven't we done that?
I don't know.
The Long Island Sound. A couple years ago
Donnie Doves was like, I know a guy with a boat who can pick us up.
It was like Labor Day weekend and we got a house on the sound on the Long Island side or whatever because it goes across to Connecticut or whatever.
The guy brought his boat over from Connecticut and took us to this island in the middle of the sound with like there was no electricity, but people had built these little like huts and houses like party huts.
And there was just like a party on this island in the middle.
You don't think that in Long Island Sound.
It was fucking awesome.
That sounds sweet.
That sounds like a lot of fun.
I fucking love islands.
And his boat died in the middle of the sound.
I'm obsessed with Rattlesnake Island and Lake Erie.
There's a bunch of rich people and then slaves from Eastern Europe.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what?
Yes.
There's like weird shit that people can do.
People in vacation towns
can do exchange
programs with Eastern Europeans
where they lie to them
about what it's going to be like. There's probably a
brochure with palm trees
and then they get to like this house
where they're like sleeping 12 in a
row houses yeah it's creepy that happens in ocean or like seattle avalon it happens in all those
some people do eastern europe i think mackinac island is jamaica yeah that's fucked i don't know
if it's i mean all of it is some of them have good lives I think Or I I used to work with Some of the
Cause
Restauranteurs will do that
To fill out like
Their back end
Their kitchen and shit
During the summer time
And so I was like
Working in restaurants
And I was like
Friends with some of these dudes
And they were basically like
Promised that it was
Gonna be
A watch
Yeah
They're working everyday
Yeah and they're just
Working their ass off
And they cram them all
Into like 50 guys
In a row home with no...
I worked at a restaurant like that.
Crazy.
Yeah, it's kind of sweet though.
I would like it.
You guys want to see a dead body?
Yeah.
What species?
Human.
Yeah.
Can we pull up the tungsten group meetup photo?
Oh.
Look at John Rich.
Rowan, do the scream.
It's so appropriate.
It looks like some R.L. Stine shit.
Yeah, somebody called him John Disrich.
It's distracting how Ken Jack looks so bad
Yeah
Ken Jack looks like
Every DUI mugshot
Yeah
John Rich just
Just one ups him
Vile squad here
Oh
Unbuckable squad
Atrocious squad
Why is his eyes
Tunking in like that
He doesn't look like that
I know
He doesn't look like that And know He doesn't look like that
And I saw that
But I was like
Hopefully
I know that's gonna happen
To people post
No but look at Rudy though
Rudy looks fine
Oh yeah
That's your boy Maresh
Yes
That's everybody's boy Maresh
Even Austin looks fine
Hey look at the bar
Printed out a little banner
Above them
That's right
I think I noticed something
I love that
The picture
Everybody's displaying their card Kyle's not Yeah I forgot it noticed something. I love that. The picture, everybody's displaying their card.
Kyle's not.
Yeah, I forgot it.
Forgot it.
First tongues to meet up, Kyle forgot the card.
Who's she next to Greer?
She's the opposite of Greer.
Oh, that's probably one of Ken Jack's girlfriends.
Damn, dude, that is so bad.
What was your tweet about it?
I was just like, he's put out the compliment John Rich challenge.
And I was just like, it's cool you went green by reusing needles.
If you go to like the anus Instagram and look at some of the comments,
somebody was just like, John Rich two-minute no-perk challenge.
Level impossible.
Damn, bro.
My boy is deep.
By that, I mean his eye holes
are deep
those shits are
sunken in
we also probably
should look at
the Stephen Che
40 yard dash video
I haven't seen it
this almond is
skivvies
and then there's
like bonus
what the fuck
oh okay
the Subway sandwiches
are also here
so let me
Collect these
And then we have
The Stephen Che video
Of him running
And then
Have they done the full run yet
Or just the start
I think they did
I don't know
Cause Big Cat just sent
Some extra videos
To the chat
Of him just like
Naked running
Oh yeah
Yeah
This is him right here Yeah This is the Yeah. Five dollars.
This is him right here.
Yeah. This is the – he's training for the getoff.
Wait, they do this in the hotel?
I think that he's getting ready to go to the combine and do it.
Oh, my God.
That's not a fast start.
I don't know.
There's a hitch in his giddy-up.
Yeah, not at all.
No.
Oh, okay.
They got the shirt.
Why is he – Oh! Why is he starting from this oh why is he starting to slow down so quick i don't know he'd run through the wall if he didn't
0.94 is that okay wait that got him in his underwear
what is happening they're probably convincing him that it'll go faster.
Receive coaching.
I'm not sure.
Getting slower.
Wait till this is the next one.
His dick flopping.
Chris Jones.
Gonna have a bruise on his sternum.
Che has a python.
That's known yeah
ermies
feels like a little racist
because he's Asian
but
meant it
yeah Burma
DL
I hate
keep bringing up
TikTok stuff
but I got this guy
that just walks through
the Everglades at night
on my TikTok
I got him barefoot
yeah
he's gonna die
I love this guy though
he's very calm
and he's picking up snakes.
He was like it was real buggy.
I swallowed 20. I don't know how I got him
but I love him. I love everything about him.
I rarely follow people on TikTok.
I just let it happen. I followed him last night.
What's his name? I don't know.
Fishing Garrett.
Fishing Garrett, yes. And he will just
at night walk through the Everglades
and that's when all the animals, this is bugs.
Yeah, that's him walking through the bugs.
As long as you don't breathe, it's not too bad.
But the bugs are one thing.
Later that night, I took a little roll.
Just picking up snakes.
That's on Earth.
Yeah, Florida.
I like to get as far out there as I possibly can.
No, I hate that.
I hate that.
I found these little hatchling geckos.
This is not something you want to get close to
when you're in the middle of the Everglades.
He's trying to meet Steve Irwin. And just as I thought, the mama's right here. Oh. That's not a gecko. This is not something you want to get close to when you're in the middle of the Everglades. She was trying to meet Steve Irwin.
And just as I thought, the mama's right here.
Oh.
That's not a gecko.
This can be a very sketchy situation.
I think his joke is that he calls alligators geckos.
She is eyeballing me.
Hmm.
She's letting the baby geckos swim away, and she's standing right in between them.
She ended up beelining right at me.
Sometimes I push the limits on how close I can get, but I do know what I'm doing.
Just like the last mama alligator I encountered, she's just doing her job and she needs her space and this ladies and
gentlemen is why they call them cotton mouse this is a defensive display telling me to keep my
discipline they're so gorgeous they will not chase you just don't be in the way where they're trying
to go usually just hey guys don't forget guys i'm in the everglades check out this baby american
crocodile they're federally protected so I can't touch them.
Check out the size of this massive Burmese.
Fuck that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's the worst one.
That's the worst thing ever.
Oh, my God.
That's invasive from being pets, right?
And they just kind of are chilling now.
That would eat a toddler.
It's crazy to think they start off this small.
Holy shit.
Yoink.
This is your average six or seven foot.
Yeah, that was fiery. That was a good yoink. I'm going to make a break for it. They never get away from me. I don't know. I just like... is your average six or seven foot. Yeah, that was fiery.
That was a good yoink.
I was trying to make a break for it.
They never get away from me.
I don't know.
I just...
I got this little shrew.
Aw, I like this little shrew.
Thank you.
More of shrews.
Well, I didn't know it was so small.
Check all the colors on this native corn snake.
So gorgeous.
I like the gorgeous.
You guys never seen one of these before.
No, I hate that.
This giant prong shrimp I caught in the Everglades.
Nope.
Oh, I hate that.
I'm keeping this bad boy as a pet.
Don't.
I gave him a little piece of fish.
He's loving it.
I don't know.
I watched this guy for three hours last night.
You always got to watch out for crocs crossing the road.
This one tried to run up on me.
You said you want to live on an island down there?
Not full time.
When I'm in my 40s, I want a small property on a random island.
But like an island in Florida, I feel like is where all the the critters are all the
death is yeah there's like gila monsters and komodo dragons and like weird shit on islands
yeah well they say that about australia and then australians are always like yeah we rarely
encounter them if you want to avoid them you can all australians are like in a in a five square
mile area yeah they're all in like this all on the coast. Small line on the coast.
Yeah.
They don't actually go into Australia.
We're going to,
how are we going to do this?
They're spread around the country.
There's a couple,
but,
but most of them are on the south coast.
The coast.
Yeah.
It's all coastal.
Sydney and Melbourne and other cities in addition to Sydney and Melbourne.
Perth.
Perth,
of course.
And,
you know,
Flagstaff and Yuma.
Brandon, you want to hit another ad before we do this?
Kilroy.
Fitzroy.
There is one on the north side.
There you go.
It's like a little...
Brandon?
What did you say?
Do you want to hit another ad before we do this, please?
Oh, I'd love to do another ad,
because when I wash down a delicious sandwich,
I like to do it with High Noon.
High Noon hard seltzer made with real vodka, real juice, and sparkling water.
Now, this is what the ad copy says, and it doesn't say much about the new tequila seltzer.
Am I allowed to talk about the new tequila seltzer, too?
Yeah.
Because it is delicious.
They got strawberry flavor, grapefruit.
They got, well, strawberry.
That's really all I need to tell you.
They got four flavors in the new tequila seltzer, passion fruit and grapefruit.
Lime. And lime. The strawberry is incredible. Well, strawberry. That's really all I need to tell you. They got four flavors in the new tequila seltzer. Passion fruit and grapefruit.
Lime.
And lime.
The strawberry is incredible.
They never had a strawberry flavor in the vodka, but now they have one in the tequila.
Had it last night.
It's incredible, isn't it?
Incredible.
It's delicious.
Might be my favorite new flavor.
At Tungsten Night you had it?
No, recording the podcast.
Nice. Whilst.
I was doing an interview in one while y'all were in two.
Y'all had a good time recording that podcast.
Yeah.
Y'all were laughing it up in there.
We had a guy on the show that was telling a moat.
Fucking dream job, dude.
Appreciate what you got.
High Noon Hard Seltzer made with real juice, real vodka, or now I guess real tequila.
They have big cans, 700 milliliters of peach and pineapple.
My favorite flavor is the peach, but the strawberry for the tequila uh they have big cans 700 milliliters of peach and pineapple my favorite
flavor is the peach but the strawberry for the tequila is coming up there only only 100 calories
gluten-free no added sugars look for them on drizzly or your local convenience or liquor store
or visit high noon spirits.com to find it near you speaking of a dream job how about that boy's uh
yeah oh last night Had to be proud.
Tommy kills me.
Tommy in the Washington room. Watching him dance.
It's the funniest.
He's being so careful going over the railing.
It's great, yeah.
I know that they were a little bit disheartened after the first night
because there's going to obviously be this blowback of everybody being like,
what the fuck?
That's automatic, yeah.
But I think already they've proven why they were the right choices for it.
Where's Tommy?
Where's Tommy?
Zah crushing.
Glennie crushing.
Tommy.
He's right there.
No, that's not the one I saw.
There's another one of them doing like a similar dance at the center.
Tommy, very, very careful.
Watching the actual game and seeing Zah floating across the crowd.
Yeah.
Yeah, you took that picture, right?
I love it. Yeah.
Just like my visit to TCU.
Totally.
This is the Tommy one.
I had a hard time.
I love his gait, his posture, all of his body movements.
They're the perfect crew.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Glennie with the Russian kicks.
Yeah, it's the perfect crew.
They're the right ones.
You and Caleb were like, cool. Yeah, it just the perfect crew. And they're the right ones. You and Caleb were like, cool.
Yeah.
It didn't work.
I think, yeah, I think that they're all very cool in their own right.
Yeah, exactly.
I think Tommy is cool because, like, just being that awkward,
a lot of people would never even step up to the plate.
I know. Their awkwardness.
Not only does he step up, he swings hard.
He does.
He makes me laugh hard.
Yep.
Hard.
Super clever.
So should we...
Never said that.
Oh, I think he's so clever.
I noticed you just bought the normal white bread and not one of the specialty breads.
I thought...
It was clicked on artisanal Italian, I think.
It was like the...
It was artisanal Italian.
I did too.
What are we going to do?
We're going to just...
Are we trying to get to a number,
or are we just naturally seeing what the number is?
I don't know.
Actually, give me a half, so then I can...
Okay.
I'm just going to talk the whole thing.
You can extrapolate.
This is just a meal.
You could just extrapolate how much it would go over the...
He's just going to double his number.
Double his number.
No, this is 20 bites.
Do you think this is 20 bites?
Yeah.
So, okay, do I take that as a challenge and try to get it in 12?
10 bite.
Well, you said you're 10 bites, so see if you can hit...
I was 13 to 15.
Wait, do you have to eat it, or can you take a bite, spit it out, take a bite?
No, wait, hold on.
You have to eat it.
I'm hungry.
What are we going to do?
I'm hungry too, bro.
I'm hungry too.
We should all take bites. You are not going to do? I'm hungry too, bro. I'm hungry too.
We should all take bites. You are not a team player.
Yeah, just relax.
Insane bites?
You've got to figure it out.
We've got to figure out our plan.
Insane bites.
Insane bites.
Count numbers.
You just took Kate's sandwich after saying you didn't want one.
Are we just doing research here, or are we doing it for competition?
What are we doing?
Research.
Don't try to take extra big bites.
That's impossible.
Right.
I think it should be toe the line.
I think it should be like normal bites, but like you can.
Boys, this is a science fair project.
Trust me.
Finishing a sandwich in under X amount of bites or how many bites does it take to finish a Subway?
I think it's a challenge. Okay, I think it's a challenge.
Okay, now, if it's a challenge, that's good.
It's not science.
What if one person's a baseline eats it normally?
Who's the baseline?
Kyle?
Kyle.
In a half sandwich?
Yeah, Kyle's baseline.
Kyle's ravenous right now, though.
He's going to finish that in one bite.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
Oh, well, he...
Oh, that's ra...
You see, he's ravenous.
He's starving to death.
I kind of cheated there a little bit.
Okay, so you could do that in eight bites probably, or nine.
I think it's ten.
Just half and ten?
Wait, this is the hypothesis stage.
Two, three.
I think you could do it in ten.
I think you could do it in seven.
Ten for half, so 20 bites per sandwich.
Seven.
Are we eating?
Because I'm also hungry.
I'm hungry as hell, too.
We're just waiting to see what this baseline is.
Just let him finish his baseline.
No, that's not a baseline.
That was a gigantic bite.
No, it's not.
I think it's because there was no bread in that.
Or no meat in that.
It was all bread.
Okay, all right.
So that's three so far.
You need a drink or something?
Get it down?
Need a drink?
Okay.
But also, you shouldn't take a bite that you never would take.
I don't want it to get stuck in your chest.
That's three so far.
That was a conservative bite.
Yeah, made up for the last one.
I'm going to throw off the numbers on this.
I take small bites.
Little mouth Teej.
Yeah.
Kyle, what are your thoughts?
Four.
So good.
Yeah.
That was a big bite.
Was it?
No.
Five, six, seven. So we're looking at 14. Kyle's eating like he's home alone. That's a big bite. Was it? No. Five, six, seven.
So we're looking at 14.
I was eating like he's home alone.
That's five.
What are you doing?
So then six and seven, they're left.
That's not two bites.
How much is it?
That's three bites.
No way.
No way.
That's two most.
That's two bites.
So how many was that?
That was six right there.
14 bites.
We got seven. Damn, a whole foot long though in 14 bites. Right. So what are was that? That was six right there. 14 bites. We got seven.
Damn, a whole foot long, though, and 14 bites.
Right, so what are we saying?
We thought a whole foot long and 10 were dumb.
Okay, that's baseline.
So now it's become...
I said 13 to 15.
Now it becomes challenge.
Yeah, he did a six inch and...
Okay.
Seven.
I'd say a whole one and anything less than 14 is impressive.
And anything less than...
All right, so the goal...
I'm going to set a goal of 12.
Of 12?
Yeah.
I'm going to do 11 then.
Fucking 10, I guess.
So I think I could have gotten five.
Yeah, dude, look at that.
Roan has got the entire thing in his mouth.
Okay.
Yeah, I can get it in ten.
Yeah.
I might be able to get it in eight.
Yeah, it's possible to get it
if you're trying.
It's possible to do it a lot easier.
Nice bite by
Pink. Because it's not food, right?
That's their best sandwich.
It has to be.
Yeah.
Subway footlong meatball is a fantastic sandwich.
It's head and shoulders above everything else they have on the menu, though.
Yeah.
BMT's good.
I don't like their meat.
No, because their bacon is bad.
Their bacon sucks.
Their chicken sucks.
Their meat is slimy.
Their veggie patty looks like the puke in Roller Coaster Tycoon 2.
Brandon, I would have counted that as more than one bite.
You said, honk, honk.
Wait, you honk, honk?
I didn't honk, honk.
You got to go, honk, honk.
No.
You should push it all in.
I was adjusting to my mouth.
Guys, I'm going to get six bites.
I was adjusting to my mouth.
That was one.
Look at what I used to do.
I used to. I think you could do them four.
You honked, Ron.
I used to get a bed of pepperoni laid down on the sandwich.
Ron, is that only your second bite?
Pepperoni's damn good.
My roommate Stinky Tony would have a bag of pepperoni every night,
and then he would bitch to me about heartburn.
Yeah, it's... This is a tough bite right here, because there's no meatball to aim at. Stinky Tony would have a bag of pepperoni every night, and then he would bitch to me about heartburn.
Yeah, it's... This is a tough bite right here,
because there's no meatball to aim at.
No, no, because that means it could taper in.
Slides right in.
Am I right to say, like, teen boys go through a pepperoni phase?
Like, I remember my brother, when he was a teenager,
just crushing pepperonis.
I don't know if they ever grow out of that phase.
Yeah.
That pepperoni's become...
Last bite of the...
Okay.
Is that your third bite?
This will be my third, yeah.
God damn.
So am I about to hang down this entire thing as a third bite?
There's a meatball and a half in this bitch.
I got a meatball and a quarter.
So what are you going to do?
Put it all in my mouth, I suppose.
All right.
Oh, he did.
He did.
Don't blow your cheeks out. Jeez. Don't blow your cheeks out.
Jeez.
Blow your cheeks out?
I'm just saying.
It hurts.
You all right, Ron?
Ron's looking into another dimension.
I got my cheeks blown out at work today.
Wait, is that a saying?
No.
What does that mean?
Yeah, you ever give a raspberry too hard and you blow your cheeks out?
Blow your cheeks? And it hurts?
I'm thinking ass cheeks.
You ever blow it too hard and you hurt your cheeks?
How hard do you blow?
What do you mean?
Like into a trumpet.
A raspberry?
Yeah. You ever go like, you know. On like the tummy? Like into a trumpet. A raspberry? Yeah.
You ever go like, you know.
On like the tummy of a loved one.
Yeah.
Or an enemy.
I guess I've never done that.
You giving a mean raspberry to somebody?
You pissed me off.
Get over here.
Give me that belly.
Someone out there knows what I'm talking about.
My ears popped during that bite.
You guys are taking silly bites.
I know it.
Silly bites.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're right. My ears popped during that bite. You guys are taking silly bites. I know. Silly bites. Yeah, I know.
Yeah, you're right.
We need to get that throat vacuum.
Oh, the life back?
Yeah.
Oh, as a toddler mom, I've been fear marketed that hard.
My mom sent me one when I decided to live alone.
Alone, yeah.
And I had a scare with a bite of steak.
You went from not wanting a sandwich to being the hungriest boy in the world.
As soon as I touch it and see it and smell it, I need it.
It's like a shark.
Damn, dude, you're different.
Kind of.
Like other people who weren't hungry, that wouldn't affect them like that.
Okay, thank you
i feel weird this is a shitty bite what is that your fourth my end bread piece with your fourth
or fifth this is my fifth i i'm going for 10 though what that's kind of funny you took a silly
bite that's just my normal bite i just unhinge like my Burmese boys.
That was a normal size.
Nick didn't shove extra in his mouth on that one.
I look weird right now.
I can talk.
What are you going for, a four spot, or are you just doing it for leisure?
Oh, you're baselining.
He's baseline.
TJ, how's your journey going?
I did my first bite. I mean, first half in four, but I'm full.
I don't want the other half.
Je ne parfume.
No.
The French say I no longer have hunger instead of I'm full.
A whole different way of thinking about things.
You eat until you don't have hunger.
In Jamaica, there is no word for impossible.
Is that from Cool Runnings?
It's from The Office.
And it might be wrong.
It might be a different word.
Don't they speak English?
I don't know.
I don't remember that particular episode very well.
I'll skip it in the rewatch, I think.
Y'all motherfuckers know Abraham Lincoln could have gotten a fax from a samurai?
Huh? All those things overlapped at one know Abraham Lincoln could have gotten a fax from a samurai? Huh?
All those things overlapped at one point in time.
How'd the fax overlap?
You know what?
Listen, man.
How did fax predate phones?
Dunno.
Well, I mean, you're not...
Don't you think a fax is an easier transmission?
Is a fax just a telegraph?
No.
What is a telegraph?
I think it's Morse code, a series of lines, dots and dashes. Telegraph. Yeah, like... What's a telegraph? No. What is a telegraph? I think it's Morse code, a series of lines, dots and dashes.
Telegraph.
Yeah, like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
What's a telegram?
That's a person coming to recite something to you.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Telegram?
Wait, what?
22-year window.
That's a big-ass machine.
I don't understand how the fax machine.
Show me the fax machine.
What is this fax machine?
That's the fax machine.
Do we even have machines?
No, that's a pagoda, young homie. It's not a fax machine? What is this fax machine? We don't even have machines. That's a pagoda, young homie.
Like coal-powered.
The electric printing telegraph.
So a fax is just a telegraph.
No, because a telegraph was like the boop, boop, boop, boop.
Or that's Morse code.
That's Morse code.
I don't see anything about samurais.
Samurais were abolished?
Were they abolished?
Yeah.
1867, fax machine 43.
Okay, so this might be a dumb question.
What is an actual samurai?
What was a samurai actually
not just i know the word i don't know what they actually were in real practicality in my mind
it's like a monk who does karate so like it was a bunch of dudes who lived off definitely not it
why would they why would they banish monks that did karate i think it's like the strictest warriors it's like the navy seal type warriors that uh have very high ideals
as far as their uh lifestyle i don't know i'm trying to regurgitate some of my dan carlin
whatever the fuck he was talking about on whatever little history podcast he does
oh that little thing some he made it sound sweet. And he's so intense.
Is that part of being a historian?
Just talking about shit really intensely and beautifully?
Describing it?
I guess you're just cracking stories.
Spinning yarns.
I have a new favorite housewife.
Which franchise?
And why.
Okay.
It's pretty obvious, wouldn't you?
I mean,vious would have been
Bethany Frankel
Right
But she's out of the game
Dorinda
Dorinda
Yeah
That makes sense
She's messy
What's Dorinda's problem
Persian
No
Italian
Dorinda
That kind of thing
Dorinda Medley
She kind of is like
Very But She wasn't even on Last season I don't think No no Is she coming back Because her Dorinda, that kind of thing. Dorinda Medley. She kind of is like a very –
but she wasn't even on last season, I don't think.
No, no.
Is she coming back?
I hope so.
I'm not caught up.
Oh, y'all really watch that, though.
Oh, yeah.
Watch all of them, bro.
And sports.
Dorinda.
Yeah, Dorinda is –
she just would run her mouth.
She has short blonde hair, and she wasn't scared of nobody.
Nobody.
Fucking.
She didn't need big fake titties.
No.
She kind of had a bigger nose, but you know, she's beautiful.
Is beautiful.
Is.
Lovely woman.
Dorinda's a good name too.
Dorinda?
Dorinda, yeah.
Especially to be a housewife from New York.
Yep, perfect.
Some of these bitches are rich, dude.
Some of them have so much.
Sonia Morgan is J.P. Morgan.
J.P. Morgan.
That's where the Morgan's coming from.
He once had the largest yacht.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
He just got some Epstein shit?
Yes, he did.
He was using that very yacht to send people to that island.
Jesus.
So you think it's on her?
Should she have to pay some kind of restitution?
She had to have gone, right?
Oh, I'm sure.
All of these bitches.
That's probably why the fucking Xanax flows.
Yeah, they're messy.
They're pedophiles.
They're messy.
Did you ever read the guy on 4chan
who claimed to be an assistant for Jeffrey Epstein?
No.
No.
The story was crazy.
My favorite 4chan thing is the people of 4chan convinced a guy to microwave a grenade. Jeffrey Epstein? No. No. Story? It was crazy.
My favorite 4chan thing is the people of 4chan convinced a guy to microwave a grenade he found, and then he died.
Oh, jeez.
Yeah, I think that happened, right?
Yeah.
I'll be darned. This guy I was talking about, he covered up a murder for Mitt Romney's son.
He claimed that Rihanna was part of the cabal of pedophilia.
So
if a whole lot of famous people
and powerful people were going to this
island
to fuck kids,
shouldn't it be
a bigger deal? Yeah.
I think it should. Yeah, you'd think.
He's saying these parties would happen in America, too.
Oh, right here in New York
They would recruit the teens.
Yeah.
Florida, all over Florida.
Florida, New York.
Really?
But the problem is that
they're so rich and powerful
that they'll literally
kill the people
that know about it.
When this guy was claiming
he was writing this post,
I don't know if I believe it,
but he said,
I'm going to commit suicide tomorrow,
and then he just
told the whole story.
Shit.
And was there, like, a suicide on record?
I don't know.
It's probably fake.
Yeah, probably.
But still, though, it's, I mean.
It read, like, very real.
They probably got some stuff right.
Yeah.
Like, they probably weren't wrong on some shit.
He seemed like he knew something.
Rowan, why is there a bucket of caramel popcorn by your foot?
You just inhaled a sub.
Are you still?
No, I just.
Have it.
You don't think it's not interesting?
Have it.
You don't think it's interesting that it's sitting there?
Well, that was heavy.
Rowan's been plundering the mail room over there.
Yeah, there's a bunch of beers and sodas and shit over here.
It's like some of the mail
just doesn't get eaten phenomenal bubble wrap on this it's mostly edible mail in
there but that's that's some like bonus Christmas shit here You want to pop some? Kind of.
Here's your puzzle piece.
You didn't want none, Brandon?
I just wanted somebody else to share with the bubble wrap.
Can I do a little ASMR for everyone?
I'd go right to sleep.
Is that how that works?
Is that how war sounds? It kind of sounds like gunshots in the distance.
It does, a little bit.
Ready?
Kind of sounds like American soldiers shooting at Al-Qaeda to me.
Yeah, certainly does.
Beautiful sound.
Refreshing.
Sounds like freedom.
Yeah, it does.
For us.
Sounds like 20-year quiet life.
The only freedom that matters.
Yeah. Sounds like 20-year quiet life. The only freedom that matters. Yeah.
Sounds like PTSD to me.
Sounds like all your friends being dead for no reason.
Oh, we do have fun.
Good.
Good stuff.
Caramel corn.
The best.
I'm going to eat that later.
I'll tell you what.
The picture of the VFW guys on the cover of that magazine,
they look older
than they should.
What are you talking about? For being like, you know how it was like
20 years in Iraq or whatever.
Oh yeah. And like those dudes
look old as hell. Yeah.
I don't know why I thought that they'd be younger
if they were like, you know,
if they were like 19 through 22
20 years ago, like
these dudes were looking haggard.
It's because they're living outside, Roan.
Oh, God.
We're bastards.
Going to the VFW.
Do they charge for beers at the VFW?
They do, but it's very...
Cheap prices?
Cheap prices.
It's like, do you have an ant that belongs to the Moose Lodge?
And you go and you're like, this is fucking sick.
It's like $1.50 for...
It's amazing.
I was a member of the Snakes Club in Wheeling.
What the fuck is that?
You had to be nominated by another snake.
And it was just an old Victorian house.
A guy lived there, but you could go whenever and he would come down and work the bar.
No way. For tips? tips yeah he was but yeah that's i went to a vfw here in lower manhattan that was
basically on the honor system they had their like the big glass cooler beers and stuff some general
priceless and like no bartender you could just grab one yourself sit there get your work done
some of my favorite bocce tournaments were at vfws dude they really know how to party they i just went back to the one um that dave and a bunch of stoolies helped pay to
fix up the one down outside philly uh and i went they had their like i guess a soft opening kind
of thing and it was amazing it was awesome it's right on the scuca river of course so they're
gonna get their dock fixed up get some fishing going but it's like a really solid party spot
it's awesome i just wanted party spot. It's awesome.
I just wanted to circle back to Nick saying his favorite bocce tournaments.
There's a lot in wheeling.
What the fuck?
I was on a very competitive bocce team.
From what ages?
I started when I was a senior in college.
And then I moved back to wheeling for a few years. And then I would travel back home from Columbus to compete.
No way.
Go to the Pittsburgh tournament, go to the Columbus tournament, Cleveland. Is it mostly young people? a few years, and then I would travel back home from Columbus to compete. No way.
Go to the Pittsburgh tournament, go to the Columbus tournament, Cleveland.
Is it mostly young people, or it was like, no, all ages? It started because during our Italian festival,
if you made a bocce team, you could drink for free.
Then I just got hooked.
I got the itch.
I was the worst on the team.
Who cares?
It's bocce.
It's bocce.
No, they care.
Did they?
Yeah.
Were they mostly Italian, or? Yeah. Were they mostly Italian or?
Yeah.
We always played down the shore on the hard sand.
It's fun.
Our whole family plays.
We have big tournaments down there.
It's a fun game.
I think Security Art Dan is a big bocce guy.
No.
Really?
No shock.
I thought I got hooked on pickleball in Arizona, but I haven't had the desire to do it since
I got back.
But the weather's been cold, so.
The accessibility is nice. We're just right in the backyard. do it since I got back. But the weather's been cold. The accessibility is nice.
It's just right in the backyard.
This month, I'd like to get into Pickleball in Jersey.
If you're in Jersey, you've got a Pickleball spot.
Let me know.
North Jersey, not South Jersey.
I'm not poor.
We should request bocce at the new office.
I think it's in there.
Oh, really?
I think something like that's in there.
Oh, yeah.
Pickleball's in there.
I just want a lava lamp.
That's all you want?
Yeah.
Just for your desk or just a big one?
We're turning this room into bocce.
Is this room big enough for bocce?
Oh, yeah.
Half court.
You can do a little.
We could probably play in here with, oh, have you ever heard of Stones?
It's a Philly game.
It's like bocce meets mini golf and
i went for one of my first barstool blogs i was like i'll go play and write about it um they have
a course in fairmount park now and a bunch of the philly park it's like growing like crazy look up
philly stone awesome so they build like almost like an 18 hole putt putt course of sort and you
still throw your own like the you throw the little bellini so like say you're at hole one so it can
go like picture a mini golf course you throw the little Bellini. So, like, say you're at hole one. So it can go, like, picture a mini golf course.
You throw the Bellini, and then you all have to get, there's teams of two.
So, like, me and you versus KB and Roan.
Yeah.
I suck at explaining.
But, yeah.
No, no, it's because I missed the shot.
But basically you have to throw more than once to get it closer because you're, like, going around curves and stuff like that.
But it's, like, bocce in the woods kind of with obstacles okay and it's like frisbee golf
meets bocce kind of kind of yeah it's really really fun it's hard to explain but yeah this
is a stones course and it's awesome this is a bocce but it's mini golf this looks awesome it
is i swear to god i played it and i was like immediately hooked and it's starting to grow
there's a tournament in Canada now.
They're all over.
The guys are super awesome.
I used to travel West Virginia in an Irish road bowling league.
That was huge too.
How old are you?
Irish road bowling is massive.
What is that?
You go to a shelter and it's like an outdoor picnic shelter.
You get hammered and then you take a hayride up mountain, and then you get a cannonball, your team,
and you're on the mountain road,
and you roll it down the mountain,
and when it goes off the road, you mark with chalk,
and whoever makes it down the mountain in the least amount of throws.
But you're chasing after this cannonball down the hill.
Oh, I love that.
It's a blast.
Is this like mountain biking, Spurlunk?
No, this is Stones.
This is that Stones game I was talking about.
They play with obstacles and nature and all this crazy shit.
That looks awesome.
I swear to God, I was the loveliest afternoon I had the best time.
Eight years ago?
They could have come up with a better name than Stones.
Nah, it's a great name.
With some respect on Stoners,
what is the sport that the least gay men play?
I don't know.
It ain't professional football
It ain't basketball
It's probably like
Ultimate
Or like
No like
Frisbee golf or some shit
They have the wrist for it
That's a great call
I don't know how many
Gay golfers
There's gonna be
The style
Shoes
Sumo
You think there's gay sumo
Oh yeah
Cause that's an Egotistical sport Those guys are very Not saying that gay people Are egotistical Shoes. Sumo? You think there's gay sumo? Oh, yeah.
Because that's an egotistical sport.
Those guys are very... Not saying that gay people are egotistical.
I'm just saying.
That's a new stereotype that I like.
You don't have to flash people around with your dick.
You have to flash their dick around.
That came out totally wrong.
Doesn't bother me.
TJ, search gay sumo, I guess.
Well, even at the high school level, what do you think
it is?
Or should we go with the ones that
more gay people tend to do
first? Yeah, tennis.
Swimming. Gymnastics. Swimming.
Swimming. Musical theater.
Softball. Lacrosse.
Well, okay. Softball.
Women can be gay too, Rowan.
I just forgot about them. Rugby. Hello. Yeah, rugby. Rugby can be gay too, Rowan. I just forgot about them.
Rugby.
Hello.
Yeah, rugby.
Rugby might be the straightest.
For guys?
I don't know. There's a super famous rugby player, this badass dude.
Watching the-
Never expect he was gay.
Why is that?
South Africans?
Wait, buy a few.
What is that?
I don't know.
There's a dog on there.
Someone text Big Cat for his credit card number.
Wait, they're sold out of every size.
I like that.
I've never even seen one.
We need new yak shirts.
What goes up to hell?
Just hunks.
What?
We need a line of, oh yeah.
We need a line of hunk tees.
Can we just make that, but with sunscreen?
Oh, it's like the sunscreen.
This gay dog, bro. Can we just make that but with... Oh, it's like the sunscreen. This gay dog, bro.
Can we just put
Che's face on that
and sell?
Che at the combine
with the puppy dog
just...
Sassy ass dog.
Was that the first result?
It wasn't mine.
There's another
sumo wrestler
who played
a gay brother
in a TV show
after he finished wrestling.
Okay.
Yeah, Brandon,y might be right.
I don't know, but it might just be so culturally prohibitive that they can't let their freak flag fly.
Not a lot of gay Iranian wrestlers.
They're not talking about it.
They're not telling anybody. unless they'll be playing stones
oh god
can't wait to get out there
I'm coming
don't you worry
I'm coming
stones in Iran
who's on tomorrow I'm 50 50 why might be coming in might not i gotta come in
sunday and i do some things i gotta do some things for my wife tomorrow i i don't that's fine i'm
fine with that finally because we're gonna drink heavy tomorrow if i come i can't drink. I can host. But you guys can drink.
What are we drinking?
Well, it is Friday.
Fuck it, I might bring Tommy tomorrow.
We're drinking, drinking.
Peer pressures me into boozing.
Maybe he could pick the booze.
Take him to the liquor store.
Anything you want, kid.
Can I see myself again?
Why is my hair so tall today?
Volume. Closer to God god i'm not sure i did ask you if you had a haircut today you did but it's it's it doesn't feel different
maybe use extra product or maybe use product today something about mary
no there's not nut in my hair maybe you jizzed in your own hair. Not jizzing my own hair.
I can't believe how thick his jizz must have been to make her hair stick up like that. The firm hold of that load that he had was probably awesome.
The guy from his dick to his ear in the first place was impressive.
And the camera angles to protect him from seeing his own jizz on his ear in the first place was impressive. And the camera angles to protect
him from seeing
his own jizz on his ear.
You'd think he'd spot that
in the mirror. Or feel it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you'd feel that.
You guys like your earlobes? No.
My ears are too big.
Mine are hardly lobes. I'm connected at the bottom.
Huh. Yeah.
That's pretty tough.
I know.
Yeah, mine are okay.
What does Joey Comastos say about that?
I feel like he's always talking about earlobes and their correlation to penis.
Yeah, he does.
Maybe it's just his way of trying to get people to show penis.
No, no, no.
You got it backwards.
He can see your cock and tell what your earlobes look like.
Show me your cock.
I'll tell you exactly what your ears look like.
All right.
You can do it off
taste alone.
Oh, God.
That gay bastard.
That son of a bitch.
They're all in Miami right now.
Who is?
Joey, Jordan,
Alex.
I need to get a podcast like that.
I don't know.
They're just looking hot and sassy in Miami.
Francis did release the tape, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
He released it?
He released it?
I don't get the hubbub.
What happened?
At the end of his podcast, he just threw his.
I think the problem was he didn't talk in sound bites.
I bet that that's their gripe
that he was
that was too long
did anyone listen
I did
or I listened to
like a decent
amount of it
it was just
being Francis
it is pretty awesome
you could just
take somebody else's
show and throw it
at the end of yours
so
anus today
with boy dad's
episode this week
packed right on the end
that is fucking genius
you'll get less
listeners though
no one listens they just avoid it but he was like on the end. That is fucking genius. You'll get less listeners, though.
No one listens.
They just avoid it.
But he was like,
he was very forthcoming about his wife having Lyme disease.
Yeah, she's in a lot of...
They're like, so ass or pussy?
Oh, shit.
Sometimes my wife has trouble
getting out of bed. Her joints are so sore.
You go down on her?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
What's a body count that's too high during your marriage?
Oh, God.
I'm happy for their success.
But I need to get me a podcast like that, bro. You have enough, God. I'm happy for their success. But I need to get me a podcast like that, bro.
You have enough, dude.
People are always on vacation.
That's what I mean.
I need a podcast where this is the dumbest programming that we've ever concocted.
Right.
And you guys are going to Chicago about to be in the office every day.
Every day, yeah.
People don't know that Roan is about to fall off the fence.
I can't wait, bro.
I'm about to disappear.
I'm about to go into the wild.
That's just going to be incredible.
Just in Miami and just post my outfit and it's like,
that was my content for the day.
Making some new friends and shit like that.
We usually do that in New Orleans.
It's our own fault for having a daily show. That's what I mean. and shit like that. We usually do that in New Orleans. It's our own fault
for having a daily show.
That's what I mean.
This shit is dumb.
This shit is dumb as hell.
I want to just make
a change right now.
We're just going to be
twice a week now.
Only Monday and Tuesday
next week.
Or some episodes
in Chicago
or in a different city.
Yak on the road.
We should do a yak tour.
We should do a yak road show.
Where do you want to go?
The problem is
Family, family, family
Yeah but I can go for
You think I'm a fucking orphan dude?
Kind of
You want a wheel for the city?
Yeah
If we're going to have this
God damn wheel
We could use it for a good reason
We're due for a Yak live show
Since Kate's been on the logo
We haven't done one
I haven't done
And our last live show
Was an absolute
Do a live show for
A city wheel for a live show
Didn't Mean Girls Spawn out of our last live show was an absolute. Do a live show for a city wheel for a live show. Didn't Mean Girls spawn out of our last live show?
That's when your sister and Hannah got into the tiff.
The two people that aren't on the show.
Yeah.
It was because Alex Bennett was so wasted.
My sister was taking care of her.
Yeah.
That is like a plant growing out of the brain of a dead body found in the forest.
Oh, yeah.
We were the dead body.
We're the dead body.
We're the dead brain.
We did a Friday Vibes Live, but the speaker wouldn't work.
No.
We had eight mics, and five of them worked.
Publicity hated it.
Hated the show.
That was a big L for us. So the speaker in the club wasn't working, so we had to bring out a Bluetooth speaker.
And somebody in the crowd got connected and was just playing their own songs.
Skipping hours.
Oh, boy.
Stephen Chay did a suicide song.
Yeah, he did.
No, abortion.
It was both.
Abortion suicide song.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Was it like a long December? Oh, that was so sweet. No, no, it was both. Abortion suicide song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Was it like a long December?
Oh, that was awesome.
No, no, it was the freshman.
Oh, God.
Can't be held responsible.
Yeah, we're due.
Yeah, we should totally do that.
We ended on the lowest of notes.
We should totally do that.
Literally.
I mean, we shouldn't ever again.
No, I'm excited to see what podcast comes out of the corpse of our live show.
Can we pick like small, can it be small town?
Yeah.
Do I have to be a big city or can it be small town?
There were literally more of us on stage than people in the crowd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Both of our live shows have been at the smallest venues possible.
We did three and they were all, yeah, they were all like that.
I didn't go to one of them.
Yeah, you're right.
Have we done any?
Wow.
More skeeball or what?
I want to go to Baltimore.
I've never been.
Oh, I love Baltimore.
I wish the ESPN zone was still open.
It was a big field trip area for us, I feel like.
Were the Hooters in Baltimore maybe?
Can we do Hooters in Baltimore?
There's a great one at the Inner Harbor.
My birthday party's there.
Listen, there's got to be better options.
Baltimore.
I was thinking drivable in somewhere.
Chili's better.
What?
Chili's better.
Oh, the country?
Chili's is better than anything.
I love Chili's.
There's nothing better than Chili's.
Do they have Chili's in Chili?
Let's do a live show at the airport.
Which one?
Guardia? Guardia. On a live show at the airport. Which one? Guardia?
Guardia.
On a plane, maybe?
Whoa.
Rent a plane?
I think we're just coming up with a lot of really shitty ideas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is kind of the backbone of this show.
Yeah, it's true.
Live show on a pontoon boat.
We'll be into the next year and a half.
We're just doing the same thing.
In a party cove.
A houseboat.
KB, you came up with wet.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
You came up with moisture.
So, like, we kind of need our next big idea, big guy.
Yeah, we do.
On you.
So, you might have been family feud as well.
I was most of it.
He's the backbone of all the good ideas.
We really support your ideas, so maybe just give us another good one,
and we'll run with that.
Where's the cactus?
I'll give you 13 seconds to find it.
Ah, got it.
Nice.
It fits really well.
Should we water it?
It looks like if Notre Dame and Ohio State were in the Fiesta Bowl.
Yeah.
Wow, that's kind of dope.
Or the Arizona Bowl.
I think they played in the Fiesta Bowl.
Or the Arizona Bowl.
Or the Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl, yes.
There we go.
Those look like when you go to a sex show and they have the tentacle dildos.
That's what they look like.
Dragondildos.com.
Yeah.
And you can click on the dragon you once cocked, and then it has a bio about them.
It's like sexual prowess.
They're very bulbous.
Yeah.
Only way to describe it.
From what I've heard.
They're very bulbous.
And can I just reiterate that they are very bulbous.
Yeah, it's a reverse taper.
That's not a real website.
Let's just do the regular wheel.
Let's do the regular wheel.
I cannot believe you died for us since we were only freshmen.
Oh, it is.
Only freshmen or merely freshmen?
We were merely Freshmen.
You could sort it by dragons.
I cannot believe.
I cannot believe.
Read the last ad.
We did it.
We did that.
There's a third one.
Not on my sheet.
Indeed there is.
There's a second sheet.
There's a back.
Oh, Soko?
Yes.
Southern Comfort. Indeed there is. There's a second sheet. There's a back. Oh, SoCo? Yes. Other than comfort.
Being young means making arguably tasteful choices.
Maybe it was tailgating in negative five degrees or the elevated surface you tried to dance on.
Perhaps these weren't the best ideas, but drinking SoCo whiskey?
That's always a tasteful choice.
With its iconic recipe of mixing stone fruits and spices, SoCo is versatile and easy to drink for every occasion.
Try a SoCo Sour Shot today.
They're easy to make.
One part SoCo, two part sour mix, done.
Make a more tasteful choice and choose SoCo.
Check out southerncomfort.com to learn more today.
What kind of drink is Southern Comfort?
It's a whiskey.
Delicious drink. You can see KB
in the commercial. I used to do
a shot of Southern Comfort and
it was called the Southern Blues,
but Southern Comfort and Blueberry Schnapps
are so good. Highly
recommend. SoCo Lime
is just a classic. SoCo Lime is
so dang good. SoCo Sour, of course, KB loves a sour mix. A little extra is just a classic. Soco lime is so dang good.
Soco sour, of course.
KB loves a sour mix.
A little extra protein for the boy.
Some egg whites.
But get some Soco today.
You're really going to love that shit.
Hell yeah.
Really going to love that shit.
The best gas station food in my hometown is at the Soco.
There's a Soco gas station.
Fried chicken gizzards.
You did a video there. The overview of fried chicken gizzards. You did a video there.
The overview of fried chicken gizzards.
We're getting a lot of chicharron content,
and I still don't really know what it is.
It's pork rinds.
Pork rinds, right?
Chicharron.
Chicharrones.
What are you getting when you bite into that thing?
I think you're going for a pig.
A very light pork taste, but it's the crunch.
Okay.
Yeah, it's the crunch.
Or is it skin?
The chicharron.
No, what are the little ones with the little fat on there?
The cracklins? It might be a cracklin
or a little cartilage or some shit.
Chicharron is just a pork.
That's what it is?
That's an actual... Is that a rib?
Yeah, this guy. He loves
eating them.
That lady made it look gross.
Yeah, she did.
I'm kind of not into it.
I'm not into it at all.
I was thinking of the gas station bagged food that has a ton of salt.
I mean, there's definitely a lot of salt on that.
Everyone just moans and goes crazy when they eat it.
They're all at the same place.
It's a big-ass teacher's room.
I want to do it.
Why me?
Tomorrow, Soko and Chicharrones.
Soko and Chicharrones tomorrow.
Thought you were getting...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Soko is liquor.
I'm going to get a bottle of Beast to take me home.
Milwaukee's best, is that right?
Oh, yeah, the best.
I used to fucking...
That was my big college drink.
It was Natty and then Beast.
Beast Ice.
You do Beast Ice?
Come on now.
Dashboard Confessional told me to.
Oh really?
Yeah.
That's what they were talking about in Dashboard Confessional?
I thought they were Christian or some shit.
It's just one guy, but...
Alan Brown always listened to a Dashboard Confessional.
Who?
Alan Brown.
One of my three top five friends.
And he always...
And I never could get into it. One of your three... I couldn't see you listening to Dashboard Confessional. No. One of my three top five friends. And I never could get into it.
I couldn't see you listening to Dashboard.
One of your three top five friends.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess it's true.
Yeah.
Call him up.
He's a teacher.
He's a special ed teacher, so he's not going to be able to answer.
They won't notice.
Takes a call.
I'm sure he can do that.
Call him later.
Yeah, you can probably just call him later.
I'm sure he's safe to call.
The, uh, kind of the,
meatballs made my teeth sensitive.
I feel odd.
I feel odd.
I feel like this little odd feeling going on.
Don't have to buy lunch.
Shit was not expensive. I think it was probably $ Don't have to buy lunch. Shit was not expensive.
I think it was probably $10 a pot for those sandwiches.
In fact, I'm in the popcorn again.
Almost hit it.
Almost hit you, too.
How often do you wash your socks, Brandon?
Every week?
Every time I wear them, I just put them in the sock pile.
I'm saying, like, how often do you do a fat load of laundry?
I never.
I haven't done laundry in 16 years.
So how often does your wife wash them?
Every week?
Just answer the spirit of my question.
My wife washes multiple loads of clothes every day.
God damn.
Yeah.
There are six people in my house.
We all wear clothes.
That's so much work that she does.
Yeah.
You think you appreciate her?
I do appreciate her.
But she's at home.
She doesn't have to work and then come home and do it.
Yeah, but still, that's just a lot of shit to do.
Well, I bought her a good washing machine and everything's good.
Everything's fine.
She got the most efficient possible machine.
Yeah.
And she has an accompanying machine that dries the clothes after she washes them.
Did you use the washing machines at the Arizona house?
Those were beautiful washing machines.
I ran out of clothes.
Stacked, and you could do it by time.
Stacked just seems so fancy.
Very fancy.
Does that sound Southern Western? Seems so fancy. Very fancy. Does that sound Southern West?
Fancy.
That's out of date. You've got to get the two in one.
Fancy. Is that a thing?
Yeah. I don't like that because I like to do
both at once. I like to
wait. Oh yeah, I guess that does stop you from
Fancy.
I'd have been born just plain white trash.
I bet I can catch some of those
in my mouth.
Just ask for one.
Throw the whole cluster.
You want a cluster or a one kernel?
You're the whole cluster.
Toss me one.
Cluster.
I'm asking.
Oh, just one.
Just one to start off with.
You got a cluster.
Cluster.
Got to have a good arc on it.
Whoa. Wow. We're have a good arc on it. Whoa.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
We're ready for our bocce.
Where are you going?
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Like a seal at SeaWorld.
All the way over there?
Yeah.
Oh.
Bad throw, bad throw, bad throw, bad throw.
That wasn't a bad throw.
I want to throw one to Kate.
I don't want one.
Okay.
I'm not a circus freak.
Oh, fuck.
They're all clusters.
Okay, this one has an almond, so I don't know what it's going to do.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's startlingly big.
I broke off.
Oh, the almond.
Yeah, she didn't want the almond.
I like almonds. All right. She's allergic. Damn, Kate. If you, she didn't want the almond. I like almonds.
He's allergic.
Damn, Kate.
If you went out there, how far could you do it?
As far as I can throw it?
Yeah, probably.
There was a dude at the Penn State tailgate a couple years ago
who was doing, like, maybe 40-yard grape toss catches.
It was incredible.
I think he's popping on TikTok for it.
I dropped it off the second floor.
Could you catch it on the street?
On the street? Yeah. I'll try. I dropped it off the second floor. Could you catch it on the street? On the street?
Yeah.
I'll try.
I don't think we have access anymore, do we?
I think it's more just could you be able to do it?
I'll believe you whatever you say.
Yeah, I think so.
Awesome.
Damn, that's impressive as fuck.
Thanks.
Brandon, can you spell Sassafras?
Yeah, you can.
What about Suckatash?
Suckatash I can, I think.
Why wouldn't you be able to spell Sassafras?
Yeah, I'll let you leave if you spell it right.
Yeah.
S-A-S-S-A-F-R-A-S?
Correct.
All right, you can get out of here, man.
Good shit, Brandon.
Get your ass out of here.
Are they all going to have to spell?
I was going to double S it at the end.
Yeah, I would have double S. No they all going to have to spell? I was going to double S it at the end.
Yeah, I would have double S.
No, you got to stay.
I forgot.
Yeah, I forgot about the rules.
You actually have to stay.
He doesn't make the rules, man.
He just enforces them, man.
Yeah.
Shit, my bad, my bad.
I missed it?
You got it right.
I forgot about the rules.
What rules?
You have to stay.
You have to stay.
You came up with wet, bro.
Fucking respect him, bro.
I am respecting him. Can somebody else have to spell a word, up with wet, bro. Fucking respect him, bro. I am respecting him.
Can somebody else have to spell a word, though?
We're not all super geniuses like you.
You're a copy of me. I think I've said it on this show.
I think instead of Trivia Night at Bars, they should do Spelling Bee Night.
I lost to Katori Elaine in the third grade spelling bee.
What was your word?
We got so far along that they started saying, okay, well, we're going to spell this word backwards.
What? What?
What?
No.
That's bullshit.
That's crazy.
You guys just couldn't miss a word.
That's what they mean when you come from a backwards-ass town.
And my word was helmet.
And you had to do it backwards.
And I went T-N-E.
I thought it was helmet at the time.
Helmet.
Helmet.
So you weren't even wrong.
I was right.
I was wrong all the way, yeah.
But I'd gotten a long way.
They always cooked those Bs against me.
I finished second in the Geography B to Jarrell Smith.
I finished second in the Geography B to Vince Bird.
It was just ridiculous.
Oh, you won ours, right?
Two-timer.
Geography B or spelling bee?
Geography.
Fifth and seventh.
You must have had a big-ass plaque at the end of the year.
Yeah, I did.
What did you study on?
Just like a flat map, or were you like going to...
There's a book.
There's a big textbook for geography Bs.
What?
A textbook?
Yeah, so I went to states, and then that was it.
Did you win the Golden Horseshoe?
Yes.
Nice!
What was that for?
West Virginia history, I think.
But that was within the state, right?
It was a lot of West Virginia geography, so I could memorize all the counties and stuff.
I sent you the Sporkle quiz of West Virginia counties.
Yeah.
You got like 90% of them?
Yeah, the counties are hard.
What were the questions for the golden horseshoe?
I forget.
What kind of stuff was it?
Just name all the counties?
It was more West Virginia geography.
Where was the Teflon plant where the water got dirtied?
That sucks, man.
Oh, remember there was a guy from Hurricane
who won one of the biggest lotteries of all time, the Mega Millions, and I think he's broke now. Oh, remember there was a guy from Hurricane who won one of the biggest lotteries of all time,
the Mega Millions, and I think he's broke now.
Oh, yeah?
What was that?
I don't understand.
I know that statistics say these lottery winners go broke, but if I win $350 million.
How do you do it?
How do you go broke?
How do you do that?
Why don't, at the beginning, you put aside.
You got family coming out of the woodwork.
350 million?
I'd be giving away millions left and right.
Kyle has been a philanthropist.
He's been a daily philanthropist.
No.
But I've been doing it.
He's been donating on.
He's been paying on TikTok lives.
People with small audiences.
How much you you been given?
Anything from $5 to $30.
That's probably awesome for them.
Well, then a couple of them ignored me,
so I got pissed.
So I was like, did you see that?
And you start spamming more money?
Yeah.
Pay them until they notice.
That's fucking genius.
Jack Whitaker.
Oh, he's dead.
He died a couple years ago. Jack Whitaker did fucking genius. Jack Whitaker. Oh, he's dead. He died a couple years ago.
Jack Whitaker did.
Who was Jack Whitaker?
The guy who won
the crazy Powerball,
$314 million.
And what, he went broke?
After winning the lottery,
he was proximate
to a number of crimes
and experienced
several personal tragedies
and then died.
That sounds awful.
Yeah, shit can't go too good for you.
Hurley got sent to an island.
Wait, did he win the lottery?
Won the lottery, right?
On those numbers.
Did he?
The numbers that also opened the hatch
or kept the hatch going or whatever.
Really?
Am I remembering this correctly?
I have Googled the end of this show
like 20 times. I've never watched it. Googled the end of this show like 20 times.
I've never watched it.
This is the beginning of the show.
Hurley was a lottery winner.
Yes.
And the numbers were eight.
Do you remember the numbers?
Eight, 16, 23, blah, blah, blah, nothing.
I don't remember.
I feel like that's not great writing.
I don't know.
I guess maybe it is.
The first three seasons were incredible.
Damn.
The best.
Writing a self-fulfilling prophecy must be fun.
Like you just, like, I don't know.
Like the movie Apocalypto where they keep on being like,
it was foretold.
But it's like you foretold it in the writing of the movie.
I don't know.
But you are God, basically.
Basically, writing makes you a God.
God. Yeah. You get writing makes you a God. God.
Yeah, you get to create your own world.
Fucking whatever George R.R. Martin.
Do you see the picture of him?
There's a lot.
There's a lot of different occasion where he's with us.
Oh, yeah, he's a real one.
He's a real one.
Oh, no, Epstein?
Oh, no, no.
He's a real one.
It's a good thing.
He's a real one.
Oh, who?
Let me say it in the right voice so she would know. He's a real one. Let me say it in the right voice
so she would know.
He's a real one.
Oh, good for him.
There's multiple
occasions where he's just
smack dab in the middle.
America's favorite cookie.
She has a peace sign
in the back.
It's like opposite of double stuff.
It's like a lot of cookie and just a normal amount of stuffing.
That would be a bad treat.
Yeah, it wouldn't taste good.
But for him, you know, different strokes.
And hopefully it's a lot of strokes for him.
There's a few of those, though.
And then the foul ball guy is just on islands with them.
What?
Twerk.
Zach Hample?
Zach Hample's like, he switched up his content game.
What's he doing now?
Fucking Barbados or something.
Now we're seeing his foul balls.
Twerking with the Caribbean.
That's the ass balls.
Wait, 24 minutes?
Granada.
Nerdy Dancing Chocolate Factory.
Can we watch this?
I think I need another girl's pom-pom.
He's just down there like,
Chet, dude, he's out here.
He should be way more famous.
Chet or Hample?
Hample.
Forgetting what did he get?
He proved himself,
and then after that he got A-Rods?
He's gotten everybody's.
He has probably every, or I don't know.
He's gotten a home run from everybody.
Some of the most famous home runs.
He got Trout's first and A-Rod's.
3,000th?
3,000th hit, yeah.
Like he was the one who caught them?
Yeah, he's caught like a couple hundred in-game home runs
and like 10,000 balls overall,
if you include like batting practice, pregame, that sort of stuff.
Wow.
Do people hate him for this?
Yes.
Because he goes to games and like steals moments from kids.
Yeah, there was a video at the Rockies game last year
where he was like filming a security guard that was like,
I don't care who you are.
The rules are different for you.
You can't be in this section.
Stop trying to catch every home run ball or foul ball.
Yeah.
Well, dang.
He ain't racist.
No.
That's true.
Can we watch that video?
I'm trying to find the moment where that happens.
Oh, did he just clickbait us?
I don't know.
He deep faked it? With his parents? Playing screw. I'm trying to find the moment where that happens. Oh, did he just clickbait us? I don't know.
He deepfaked it?
With his parents?
He's playing scrimp.
Oh, come on, bro.
He's like the whitest shantanes.
Scrabble.
He's scrimping. He's just goofing with his mom and dad.
That's probably his mom.
I don't think that's what we're talking about.
What country is he?
Is this Jamaica?
Granada.
Ah. Granada. The Maldives of the... What country is he Is this Jamaica Grenada Ah Grenada
The Maldives of the
Uh oh
Is he just walking up
Yeah
How does he
Uh
Uh this is
Wow
It's just a moment
It was just a moment
I thought
Oh my god
That just happened
Oh that's the worst thing ever
Ew What's crazy is She was trying to back it up on him Yeah Oh my god, that just happened. Oh, that's the worst thing ever.
What's crazy is she was trying to back it up on him.
Yeah.
She was trying to show him how it worked, and he could have easily just pushed up.
That's not what Rihanna would have done on Epstein's Island.
That's a bummer if she was there.
I know, it hurt to read all of that Yeah
Especially if that's how she got the Super Bowl
Why does she occupy a space of celebrity
That would hurt you
To know that she was a bad person
That's a good question
Why can't you just judge her as a bad person
Because I like her music
I don't like Jeffrey Epstein's work
No it was just very unsettling
If any of that was actually true.
That's how I feel about Weird Al.
It would break me, I think, to find out.
Did he just die?
No, but I'm saying it would break me if I found out he was dead.
Who died? Gallagher died?
I'll go, right?
No, there's two Gallaghers.
There's two Gallaghers?
Somebody bought the act, right?
Right, and so I went to see Gallagher thinking it was Gallagher, but it wasn't.
It was the guy who bought the act.
Couldn't you buy an act?
It would be awesome to sell an act.
Let's sell the act.
Rodney Dangerfield bought his act.
What does that mean?
What?
He bought his act.
What do you mean?
He probably went to a small comedy club,
saw a guy's jokes.
I think he traded with it.
Yeah, him and another guy agreed.
Traded?
Something like that.
His name is Jack something,
and he either bought his act
or traded acts with a guy.
It just worked better for his bug eyes
it worked
I might have made all that up but it was in the
Johnny Carson auto bag for the reading this week
didn't Cosby buy his jokes
not his jokes
he bought his Spanish fly
oh that's what it was
boys and women
huh
I can't believe you can just do Huh I can't believe
You can just do that
I can't believe
Someone was just selling
Rodney Dangerfield's act
Cause
It wasn't Rodney Dangerfield's act yet
But uh
Like a lot
It's like pretty good jokes
It's like uh
Wordplay jokes
You know what I mean
It's not
But when they don't work
They don't work at all
Tell me about it
Yeah
It's very funny
Back to School,
was that the name of the movie?
I've been watching a lot of him,
a lot of Carson,
and a lot of Don Rickles.
Jack Benny.
In Back to School,
he's like in a hot tub
with all these girls,
and he's like,
what's your major?
And she's like,
poetry.
And he's like,
oh,
maybe you could help me
straighten out my long fellow.
I was fucking playing.
That's like, That's incredible.
Remember that's a youth.
And that was his whole act.
So was Jack Benny just writing all that shit?
It isn't Jack Benny.
No, that's not.
He took his name from a Jack Benny show.
He took his actual act from somebody else.
I'll have to bring in the chapter and verse from the...
None of that is what I'm saying.
You need to update the Wikipedia.
Percival Sweetwater?
That's his real name?
Hell of a name.
I gotta change my name. This is Percival.
Percival Sweetwater is a person?
I think he was lying, saying that that was his real name.
Joked.
Okay, that is real name.
Come on.
Come on.
Who's buying that?
Tell me some good names.
I love you.
He's clearly lying.
Tell me some good names.
That never happened.
Just telling people at a comedy show what they're saying didn't happen.
Shitting on their premises.
Well, there was this girl that did a stand-up act that she was acting like it was a true story about her getting attacked by a velociraptor.
Did you guys see that?
That was from a movie.
Oh, really?
Because at the end of it, she gets attacked by a dinosaur.
Oh, really?
I just saw the clip on Twitter, and I fell for it.
So there's an extended version of that clip and a dinosaur comes through the back wall
during her set.
It's so real looking during her set.
Yeah, I fell for it like it was a real stand-up.
She plays it very awkwardly,
but then a dinosaur literally comes through the back wall.
Was it like a funny bit?
No, it was awkward.
It was like a twee, mumblecore type.
What movie was that? Free mumblecore? Mumblecore type. What movie was that?
Tweed Mumblecore?
Mumblecore was, like, that fucking comedy in, like, around, like, 2015, 2016.
Comedies where they, it was, like, just mumbled, they kind of mumbled the lines to one another.
It was, like.
Tweed is, like, cute to be.
Anti-comedy, like, I'm, I don't care.
Yeah. There's there's like a genre
like a lump of movies
that were mumblecore
what's an example
you can probably
look it up
but like
was like
Jason Segel
like kind of like
did he
seed way
to some mumblecore shit
I don't fucking know
we gotta go do the rundown
yeah
alright
good show
see you guys on Monday, I guess.
That's going to be a music genre.
Excited for Ruff and Rowdy?
Yeah.
Please buy R&R.com.
Play in tonight.
Ruff and Robbie after the weigh-in.
Fights tomorrow.
Ruff and Robbie?
Ruff and Robbie.
Large and Robbie's pregame show.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, man.
Sorry, sorry.
Come on, you bastard.
And whatever you guys are doing this weekend, Nick, any more stand-up?
Nah, I'm a hobbyist.
Yeah, same.
Big Ten Wrestling, if you want to not watch 67 forfeits.
Seriously.
Fucking bullshit.
And Brandon, anything to plug?
I got nothing.
Oh, I do have a Britt Baker interview that I did last night.
I stayed here until 8.30 last night.
What channel is that going to be on?
The Wrestling Channel.
Is that allowed?
Is it bad?
Yeah, well, I just do it now.
No, they changed the passwords,
and now it's hosting Barstool I Can't Even
with all the cute pups.
Oh, nice shot.
Why did you do that?
You asked for me to throw it.
I wanted to kick it.
Kyle, jump on that
so the lid shoots off.
I kind of want to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's sloppy.
That's sloppy.
Who cares?
You'll pop some bubbles.
I'm not doing it.
I'll clean it up after you, bro.
It's for the sake of the show.
No.
Hell yeah. Old grown No. Hell yeah.
Old grown man.
Not anymore.
Fair enough.
All right.
That's the show.
Thank you. It's the act. It's the act.
It's your drive, yeah, style, it's game for a while.
It's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk, shop, and do a Yankee pop. It's the act.
It's the act. Thank you.