The Yak - Sas is in the Host Chair, Not at Bachelor Parties | The Yak 7-11-23
Episode Date: July 11, 2023Poor DavidYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Go TJ, pull that up.
Hey.
What's up, everybody?
This is a crew you've seen a million times before in here.
It's the old usual. We got. but before we dive into that let's talk about
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fellas good good what's up boys the old yakagami call it. Yeah, we got a hell of a crew today.
Yep.
What are you guys, how are you guys beating the heat today?
It's a scorcher out there.
It's Roback.
I don't know if that's a rhetorical question, but today I decided that I'm a towel guy.
I walk to work, so I'm carrying a towel with me now, a little hand towel.
Like a black comedian. Yep, like a comedian.
Like a king of comedy comedian.
Yeah, yeah. I'm wearing a long
sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt. That's
the fit today. Yeah, that's insane.
Covering up. I always feel bad for
the guys who get the sweat stains.
A sweat stain is fine, but who get the symmetrical
sweat stain that looks like a Batman
symbol or that looks like something.
I just get under my armpits.
You get tit sweat. It's over.
I don't think I would get that unless I was sitting down.
I think that would be pretty hard to get standing up.
It's a tough one.
I get my armpits constantly though.
It didn't happen until recently. Also my back.
I think my back is never dry.
Especially with a backpack.
Backpack is tough.
Are you a hairy back guy?
No, it's just my back sweats a lot.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Kate, where are you sweating?
I'll get some.
Earmuffs under my tits.
Sweating under there.
Under my belly now.
No, I don't sweat.
I'm not gross.
I lay in bed and I sweat the back of the knees.
It's the worst.
Hate it.
Shins.
Yeah, I don't know about shins.
Night sweats are like a different type of sweat that is so disgusting. I sweat the back of the knees. It's the worst. Hate it. Shins. Yeah, I don't know about shins.
Night sweats are like a different type of sweat that is so disgusting.
When you wake up and you're like,
I didn't know my, that's when my legs sweat.
And I'm like, my legs have never sweat even when I'm running.
But for some reason in the middle of the night,
all of a sudden all the sweat glands in my legs decide to fire up. That stress and anxiety tearing you down, brother.
Yeah.
No, I don't have any of that.
Yes, you do.
Man.
Yeah, I went to LaBarna Den yesterday.
Oh, yeah, how was that?
And I finished every single plate that was put before me.
Well, that's not that hard.
The plates are like, it's like.
Small, but we ordered five desserts.
We ordered extra of everything because we had the gift card.
And afterwards, I picked my son up from daycare and was at the playground.
It was like 87 degrees in the hot sun with a belly full of meats.
And I got the meat sweats.
I was just like, oh my.
I thought I was going to die.
That's probably one of the worst sweats you can have is the meat sweats.
Meat sweats.
I don't think I've ever had the meat sweats.
But I will say, after Les Bernard Bernardins we walked back and I was wearing
like a like a dress shirt and a jacket and pants and it was like 90 degrees out and that was one
of the more difficult walks yeah it was tough also I wasn't very full like the food there is
not very filling I crushed everything so I don't know and I did have a lot of bread we did not
people were asking did we break the...
And I was shocked too.
One, I mentioned it to our waiter.
I was like, I'm here because of this other group that came in.
And he went for the bread record.
And the waiter, I swear to God, his face lit up.
And he was like, oh, I remember that day.
He was like pumped about it.
And then a couple of the other waiters, because like 50 waiters for your table,
came over and they were talking about it.
Like that's a day now in LaBernadine history.
We had all our waiters and they were all there for Zaw.
Zaw was hogging all of them.
Oh, yeah.
Zaw literally had a pack of 50 dudes around him the entire time.
Actually, if he was there, the one black guy, he's from Zimbabwe.
Yeah.
At the end, he came over to our table.
Yeah.
There was just one.
We're from like 30 of our families
are from like i'd say about 30 minutes 30 minutes to an hour away from each other no way oh i wish
i would have known that that i would have mentioned that to him but the bread i thought was going to
be like tiny and that's how big cat did it but it wasn't now big cat actually is honorable with it
because there is like you can get like the olive bread and that's very easy to eat but he would
mix it up he would have the baguettes and everything.
They had like full size.
Like each bread was like a big ass.
There was like five options and they were huge.
And that's when I like gained full respect for Big Cat's bread accomplishment there because I like maxed out at three and a half pieces I think.
Yeah.
You know what I say I don't like about restaurants like that?
Like those super fancy restaurants is the wait staff.
I feel like they're always there.
Yeah, they're hovering.
Constantly hovering.
I was self-conscious.
Someone kept sweeping my crumbs away,
and I'm like a crummy lady,
and I started picking my own crumbs
and putting them on the plate
before the guy could come over.
Yeah.
You wouldn't understand.
We're talking about fancy restaurants.
Where's everyone that matters?
I know. I don't know. Roan's about fancy restaurants. Where's everyone that matters?
I know.
I don't know. Roan's in Africa.
KB and Nick are filming something for their documentary.
Big Cat's in Chicago, I think.
He said he had to go to Chicago
for 12 hours.
Roan texted us about 20 minutes ago
and said,
I am right behind a leopard right now. Then he sent a photo and he I am right behind a leopard right now.
And then he sent a photo,
and he is indeed right behind a leopard right now.
Wow.
Out in...
Ron went to an African Applebee's,
and it had ostrich, crocodile.
It wasn't like chicken fingers and riblets.
That was an Applebee's?
Yeah.
I saw his post about it.
I assumed it was like an African restaurant.
Right.
That's the way to do it, though.
Sometimes you've got to go to like a nice American,
even though they don't have American food there, right?
I want to know what they have on the walls.
Like, is it like local sports teams?
What are their tchotchkes?
Crocodile.
In traditional South African style.
Whoa.
Rowan said crocodile wasn't good, though.
I don't think, it's too chewy.
Yeah, I've never had it.
Warthog. Gator, which was good, which I feel like they'd be similar. Yeah, it's too chewy Yeah I've never had it I've had alligator which was good
Which I feel like they'd be similar
I don't know what the difference is between those two
It's pretty gamey I would think
It's like an antelope
But he said we need to do a yak
While we're on a safari
He said it's the highest natural high
Would you agree?
I loved it
I thought it was really cool
Zah my family
the smokes family kind of wants to go on an african safari do you think if we came to zimbabwe you you
could show us around like 2025 or my mom was like oh maybe or my dad my mom's not gonna come my dad
was like maybe zach can show us yeah if you're dead serious man he's very serious he's been on
one before and he wants to bring the whole fam.
I can stay with my family, do the whole thing.
All right.
That's awesome.
We're 25.
My cousin just had a baby, so she needs to get a little older, and then we'll be there.
Who's going in the Smokes family?
Just you and your dad?
No, me and my dad and a bunch of my cousins on my mom's side.
They all really want to go to African Safari.
I'm pretty scared.
Just animals in general.
I feel like I could get eaten.
But, you know, I feel like it'd be a cool experience.
Everybody speaks very highly of it.
And if we're getting the Zah treatment.
What animal do you want to see the most?
Tiger.
Lion.
Are tigers in Africa?
I don't even think they are.
I don't know.
Are they not?
Francis?
I'm looking at Zah.
I just defer to Zah.
They're in like Asia and Russia, Siberia.
I think you're right about that.
I think you see a lion.
You could see a cousin of a tiger.
Yeah, I guess lions and tigers, I figure they hang out together.
No.
Huh.
You're wrong.
All right.
Well, I have to have a talking to with my father.
Yeah.
You're in for an experience then, Tommy.
It's going to be like a whole new world.
That was your top animal.
Top animal.
You can see one at a zoo.
Yeah, I could see.
I don't know.
What can I see on as far that I can?
Probably have tigers in like the Central Park Zoo.
Yeah, they have them at the Bronx Zoo.
I've seen them.
I saw two tigers fucking at the San Diego Zoo.
The big five are the ones you want to see.
What are they?
Okay.
The big five, I think, are, I think it The big five I think are I think it's elephant.
I think it's
lion. I think it's
leopard.
I think it's rhino.
And I think it might
be giraffe.
I don't think it's giraffe.
Really? Because like giraffes
are so plentiful.
It's like pigeons there. Someone needs to look this up. I've seen a. Really? Because giraffes are so plentiful. It's like pigeons there.
Someone needs to look this up.
I've seen a giraffe.
They have giraffes.
What's the one remaining giraffe?
You're almost there.
Gorillas?
No.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's another cat.
Cheetah?
No.
Aguar?
It's not a cat.
Oh, is it wildebeest?
You're getting closer.
No.
Bigger.
Kudu?
I didn't even know all these animals.
What are these?
What?
This is Lord of the Rings animals.
Buffalo.
A wildebeest?
Yeah.
A buffalo?
Yeah, buffalo.
Oh, fuck buffalo.
Those are the five you want to see.
Big five.
That's awesome.
It's like the big four in sports.
Elephant would be cool.
Rhino would be fucking nuts.
Rhino was awesome.
African buffalo.
We saw one black rhino.
What happened to Roan is very rare.
There's like professionals that go their whole entire life and don't actually get to see a leopard in the wild.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's very rare.
They're very shy.
You know when people are watching them and they hide.
Yeah, and then they stalk you.
I don't know.
Maybe.
They do.
Why? That's what all wild cats do.
They love a good stalk.
How do you get so much
conviction? It's true.
You can look it up.
I've probably watched like a 7 minute 30 second
video about it. It's true.
I'm with you, Sass. I think even
domesticated quote unquote
cats stalk you.
Dogs, there's so much... They try to stalk you, Sass. I think even domesticated, quote-unquote, cats stalk you. They stalk you.
Dogs, there's so much.
Dogs try to stalk you, but they're too sloppy.
We've domesticated the beast out of them, and cats we haven't done so much with.
It's because they're so small that we don't really need to fully domesticate them.
Sass and I smoked so much weed before we started this.
I know mountain lions stalk you big time.
They say that if you see a mountain lion It has probably been looking at you
For like three hours before
There's that video of the runner that turned around
And there's a mountain lion
And you had to run at it
I took balls
I could never do that, I'd just lay down
Oh that's insane
We go to this tiny little zoo in North Jersey
And in the leopard hangout area It's a leopard and a golden retriever.
And they're like best buddies, and they're always snuggled up together.
Che, have you seen it?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It's a cheetah.
Oh, it's a cheetah.
A cheetah and a golden retriever, and they live together in the same pen.
That feels like that's going to end.
And they're like always snuggled up, and they like play together.
I've seen them.
They seem like good buddies.
Tragic news story.
Especially because golden retrievers are dumb.
Golden retrievers are probably going to start playing with the cheetah a little too much.
They'll just die.
They probably swap the golden retriever out every morning.
Have a new one every week.
The dead golden retriever out from the zoo.
Put a new one in.
Francis, how was your break?
It was nice.
Went to upstate New York?
Yeah, I was up in the Hudson Valley
Did you do any fishing?
No, but we went to a waterfall
That you were not technically supposed to swim in
But there were lots of people swimming
And just sort of ducked under the rope
And hoped that the warden wouldn't come along
And he didn't
And we had a really nice time What does the warden wouldn't come along, and he didn't. And we had a really nice time.
What does the warden do if he catches you?
I think he scolds you.
Gives you spankings?
Scolds you, yeah.
Scolding.
Scolding is not fun.
It's not fun to get scolded.
I was scolded once by a neighbor of mine because I was out by the water, and he said,
the harbor master doesn't like to come pick up little boys in the water at night.
And I was like,
I don't think I'm going to drown in the water.
I'm just hanging out here.
You guys ever been scolded?
I think worse than getting scolded is an adult.
Scolding as an adult is mortifying.
I was scoldmocked yesterday on the subway.
Really?
Yeah.
You tell.
I was embarrassed, though. Yeah, it's an mortifying i'm embarrassed
to tell this you scolded someone and then they're like safe space the subway was pulling in to the
station and a woman was standing to my left but i wasn't paying attention to her because i was
reading and oh you're one of those guys i was i read, I play with my hair, kind of.
I just sort of, I don't know, absentmindedly twirl my hair.
And I think I picked my nose, and then I went back to twirling my hair.
And she goes, picks his nose and then puts it in his hair.
That's tough.
And said that, like commentated on what had happened
and i i was i was so startled and then i i just to try to deflect i started laughing
like uh mockingly at her i went and then she started laughing back to top me and i go if you think that's gross you must not have lived here very long
and she goes you can keep that oh man what does that even mean yeah i don't know i feel like she
won though i feel like it sounds like she definitely won oh yeah no i i because i didn't
stop thinking about what i should have said to her for a few hours. How was the rest
of the car reacting? Nobody else
was looking at me and judging.
I have seen people
urinate on toddlers.
On them.
Like on
the internet?
On
the subway.
Is that what you're watching?
On a Saturday morning,
there was a family sitting on one of the benches at the end,
and then another guy on the opposite side, a homeless guy,
and he was asleep.
And then all of a sudden he, like, startled awake,
rushed to get his pants down and started peeing,
and it splashed onto the little girl across the street.
You got to go.
And I was referencing something like that.
I was like, if you think what I've just done here is revolting.
You said this to her?
No, I didn't.
You thought about saying it.
No, I said, if you think that's gross, you must not have lived here very long.
Oh, okay.
And that's what I was referring to.
Yeah. that's gross you must not have lived here okay and that's what i was referring to yeah that that's something that you saw on the subway that made you think oh god i need to tell this person
off yeah because there's a lot of rogue dick out there i've seen some far worse i haven't really
seen anything crazy on the subway i'm always seeing videos of like shootings and fights
i don't really see much i had a guy jerking it next to me
and i felt nothing inside i was like all right i didn't even move i was like okay and a guy on
the bus tried touching my feet um he asked first he said can i touch your feet and part of me was
like should i just say yes i don't know and he And he was like, that's my thing is like whatever.
Jerry?
Yes.
Yes, it was.
But I ultimately decided no.
And he was fine about it.
He was fine about it.
But he did ask.
I would have just assumed he had a really good reason for why he had to touch my feet and just let him probably touch my feet.
He was asking all the women on the bus.
He was the mom in Tangled.
He was like, if I touch your feet, it'll reverse my age.
You guys ever seen Tangled?
Nope.
Nope.
No?
That's how it is.
Jerry mocked me.
I was having breakfast with him, and we started talking about his work as an electrician.
Because he was in the electrical union.
Yeah.
And he said that all that stuff's super easy.
You can just learn it on YouTube.
That's how I learned it.
And I said, ah, no way, man.
That stuff's hard.
And he goes, you ever have to hang a TV?
And I said, no, I always hire a task rabbit to do that.
He goes, that's easy.
You got to learn how to do that.
He mocked me for it.
Yeah. That is like a blue-collar thing, though. You got to know how to do stuff. He goes, that's easy. You gotta learn how to do that. He mocked me for it. That is like a blue collar thing though. You gotta know how to do stuff.
He knows all of it.
He can build a home.
You could hang a TV.
Well, I could probably hang it, but I don't know
if I could hide the wires.
Ah, that sounds easy as fuck.
What's the biggest
masculine project you've
tackled? Fixing a car
Has got to be the most
Masculine thing you can do
Yeah that's big
I feel special
When I put windshield
Wiper fluid in my car
Yeah
At the rest stop
I'm like people are
Looking at me like
I know my stuff
I had a buddy in high school
Who like would like
Change our oil and shit
Wow
Yeah
I've always wanted to do that
I feel like it'd be a big mess
Yeah it probably is
And he also would
I remember my AC broke and he
fixed that. How old was this
kid? My age.
In high school? Yeah. He just knew how to
do all that shit. Trade kids are hilarious.
Yeah, they know their
shit. They know everything. A good career
path.
How long is trade school? Like two years?
Why are you looking
at me?
I don't know.
I assume someone would know everything.
People do love talking about that.
They're like, just don't go to college and just learn a trade.
It's a big thing out there.
Yeah, and then everyone is like, no, I'm not going to do that.
That sounds fucking stupid.
And then all those kids end up making a shit ton of money.
So much money.
Everyone down the Jersey Shore, like all the houses next to our little shack, all the mega mansions, it was all owned.
They were all owned by like contractors, like construction contractors.
Plumbers, electricians.
Plumbers, electricians.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
I wish I could build my own house, like out west.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There are a lot of people that do that.
They just build a house.
Jerry needs a little help, but he knows what's what in building a home. Yeah. There are a lot of people that do that. They just build a house. Jerry needs a little help, but he knows what's what in building a home.
Yeah.
And therefore, you don't get fucked.
You don't have some guy come in and say,
eh, gutters, that'll be $30,000.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He knows.
When me and my wife were going to buy our current house we live in right now,
like several years ago, I told her, I was like,
should we just both quit our jobs and just build a house?
And it was declined pretty quickly.
But that was a thought in my head.
Like, these are so expensive.
Let's just fucking build it.
Well, you used to sell like Sears.
You used to sell like a kit that would get mailed to your, like, whatever.
It would be like five Connex boxes, and you and your family would assemble your house.
They're like cool ass houses.
How many people here?
I swear to God, it's like a thing.
You don't want to have a Sears house.
Red Dead Redemption?
No.
No, you could have like order a house in a catalog and then like mail it to them.
Yeah, that's what it was.
You would order like a house in a catalog and they were like sweet ass houses.
Is it those like tiny houses that are like 40 G's at like Home Depot that like can go in your backyard basically?
No, they're like whole ass houses.
Like nice ass houses.
I have a feeling this is not a, is that still a big thing?
You just go to Home Depot and just buy a house?
I saw one a couple weeks ago.
Where's the house aisle?
It's like, no, it's a tiny house.
Like it's a, one of these like, pretty much.
But it has enough stuff where it could be a house
and you just
it's fully built
and you go
I want that one
well I saw the thing now
I think it was like
44k at Costco
it was a tweet
that was like
Costco sells houses
going like
somewhere around
like a month ago
you get the hot dog samples
and a house
I guess we'll buy a house
while we're here
what was that other thing
on our list
shampoo, conditioner and a house while we're here. What was that other thing on our list? Shampoo, conditioner, and a house.
Did Costco ever sell guns?
Were they one of those?
Probably in the right parts of the country.
I know Walmart sells guns.
Do they still?
I don't know if they still do.
Probably.
Dick's sold guns forever.
The one by my hometown sold guns forever, but I don't think they do anymore.
Now they sell BB guns and shit. Bought a.22 rifle from a Walmart
Yeah
Killed a groundhog with it
Damn
.22 rifles are not that crazy though, right?
No, no
Like basically like a pellet gun
I could probably shoot you in the head point blank
Yeah, and I'd just walk it off
No, no
I shot my first
One of my first guns recently
What'd you shoot?
I think his name was David.
No, kidding, kidding.
I didn't understand that at all.
I was saying I shot a person.
I laughed so politely right in his eyes.
I forget what I did.
I shot a gun on Barstool Outdoors.
What gun was it?
It was a big, it was a legit rifle.
Like a shotgun?
I think it might have been an AR-15, to be honest.
Tommy, did you say i shot
my first gun its name was david you said his name let's move past it i shot a gun i shot an ar-15
were you saying that like i shot a person named shot like i shot a person i think we were confused
yeah i said it's instead of his that's right yeah yeah yeah because then we thought you'd named the
gun right right right oh but it still wouldn't. Because then we thought you'd named the gun. Right, right, right.
Oh, but it still wouldn't
have made sense
even if you said his.
Well, if I said I shot a per-
whatever.
The implication was
that I shot a person.
Yeah, but we don't-
we don't traffic an implication.
Yeah, yeah.
No, look, I fucked that up.
I fucked that up
and now I'm going to leave at 145.
Were you good at shooting guns
or were you kind of a person?
No, I really didn't feel
comfortable holding it.
Even-
I took a picture
that I couldn't even post
because if I hold the gun, I look like a school shooter.
I don't look like a cool hunter when I hold the gun.
Me and Mook shot guns together.
It's like I'm heading to an elementary school.
I was a natural.
I had to wrap my arms around Mook
and show him how to hold the gun.
You were too good.
Like a boyfriend teaching a girl how to play pool.
You were too good with that gun.
Here's how it would have worked.
Awesome with it.
I shot a gun recently.
What'd you shoot?
His name was David.
Right.
But that wouldn't make sense because no one would ask, what did you shoot?
If we were wondering what type of gun he had shot.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
What did you shoot?
Somebody asked, what did you shoot?
Oh, I don't think anyone did, which is why you wanted that.
Yeah, maybe I wanted that. I thought somebody, I could have sworn somebody said, what did you shoot? Oh, I don't think anyone did, which is why you wanted that. Yeah, maybe I wanted that.
I thought somebody, I could have sworn somebody said, where did you shoot?
Maybe we'll have to run that back.
All right, we'll run it back.
Let's let that go.
Let's breeze over that one.
I'm having a hard time moving on.
You shoot guns.
Have you ever shot guns, Francis?
Yes.
What kinds?
Lots.
What did you shoot?
The biggest one you ever shot.
I load.
No, we were at the Nashville Armory.
Okay.
And we shot, you know, a fully automatic, I think it was a fully automatic Uzi.
Oh.
You know, just.
There's like bachelor parties you can go on in Texas on ranches where they're like, come on down,
we got a 50-cow hooked to the roof of the Jeep.
Yeah, Billy shot an RPG in some country.
He shot it into a cow.
Yeah.
He said it was really devastating.
Cambodia.
The cow exploded into a billion pieces.
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
Yeah, Spilly football.
Cows in like Cambodia and Laos, I think.
Spend like $500, they'll let you shoot a rocket launcher.
To a cow.
At a cow, at a real one, just walking around?
Yeah.
They're overpopulated.
Yeah, there's a lot of cows.
There's a lot of cows out there.
I love cows.
I'm a big cow guy.
I've eaten them too, though.
Not the highland cows, though.
Those ones are too cute to eat.
The real fuzzy ones. The real fuzzy ones, yeah. I saw a picture of a Not the highland cows though. Those ones are too cute to eat. The real fuzzy ones.
The real fuzzy ones, yeah.
I saw a picture of like
a really cute highland cow
and all the comments
were like talking about
how cute it was
and then this one dude
commented and said
can we find this?
This is good.
It is.
He said
looks like future steak
on my plate
and then everyone was commenting and being like I hope you're fucking kidding and then he said looks like future steak on my plate and then everyone was commenting
I hope you're fucking kidding
and then he said oh yeah my grill is just getting ready
right now with a fire emoji
people were so mad at him
but I was cracking up
I liked the comment
also the picture was fake it was an AI cow
they're AIing cows now
to make them cuter than they already are.
Anyone else? Anyone else have anything to say?
I said I tried to. I said,
this AI shit.
That's not going to be enough, though.
Let somebody else take the ball.
Anything to talk about. This AI shit.
Oh, I tell you. Something like
that. And then somebody would have picked up on that.
Oh, a story they recently had.
No, my dad lost his job to AI.
AI is not going to be anything,
so we don't have to worry about that.
Anyone else?
I feel like we're always afraid of technology.
Like back when the radio was coming out,
everyone's like, it's the devil.
The radio waves are going to ruin us all.
And then it was fine.
And then whenever TV came out, they said the same thing.
And it's fine.
I'm not worried about AI because AI can never do what I'm doing right now.
Right.
And AI can never produce the magic that I'm producing.
Can't capture lightning in a bottle.
No.
AI can never talk about it.
AI can never.
I should leave a joke.
Yeah, no.
I'd love to see ChatGBT just attempt to come up with a joke of that caliber.
Have you ever asked ChatGBT to write a joke?
No.
They're pretty bad.
I use ChatGBT almost exclusively to ask things about myself.
I say, who is Tommy Smokes?
I say, tell me a story about Tommy.
It's fun, I think, because I'm a narcissist, but I like to hear stories.
Does it know who you are?
Yeah, kind of.
It's getting better.
Can you tell us about um
frankie's wedding yeah it was lovely uh i want to hear about it um it was just a very good long
island wedding a great cocktail hour a lot of great shrimp um how many guests was it like a
massive was it on a golf i don't it was uh it was on a on beth page golf course oh nice yeah i don't. It was on Bethpage Golf Course. Oh, nice. Yeah. If I had to guess, maybe 200, 250 guests.
Wow.
Damn.
That's a big wedding.
A big wedding.
A lot of people from the office there.
Yep.
Yeah.
You didn't get invited?
I thought you and Frankie were friends.
I didn't get invited.
And do you know why?
Why?
I think it's because the three years that I spent being fired was lost bonding time that Frankie and I would have used to solidify the sort of friendship one needs to get an invite to the wedding.
Yeah, I think you were on pace.
I was in a good spot.
You think his wife was like, wait, is that the guy that wrote about fucking you?
Maybe not him.
Yeah, she loved it. wrote about fucking you maybe maybe not him yeah she yeah probably um but yeah i think that i truly
think that if i had not not been fired i would have been at that wedding did you say anything
to him to be like oh when's that wedding to poke at an invite uh i had a pretty good idea that it
was coming um but he was pretty vague about it right um. Kind of made me think that maybe I was like a round two.
Like a surprise guest.
We're waiting on...
From what I heard, he never even mentioned your name.
We're waiting on some cancellations,
and maybe I'm on the bubble, that kind of a thing.
I had asked him multiple times who from the office is invited.
Truly never heard your name once.
Tommy, you got to get fucking married.
Your whole crew is fucking married. Your whole crew's
fucking married. How does that feel?
Who else am I cruising with?
Everyone that you got hired with, they're all engaged
and married. Moneyballs is married?
To the game, yeah.
Yeah, no, I don't
think I need to get married yet. Like you and Trent,
you're just on the outskirts. I mean, me and Trent,
we're fucking dogs. We're fucking wild
boys. We can't be tamed.
You get no puss.
Please.
Zero.
Zass are you here
for the summer of 22?
Summer of Tommy yeah.
Wait are you wearing
the super long chain right now?
I am yeah.
Speaking of.
What's the explanation
behind it?
It's just the length
of the chain
my aunt and uncle
bought for me.
Got it for me when I graduated high school.
And I only take it off, speaking of, for sexual intercourse because otherwise it will hit the girl in the face.
I was going to say, that's a dangler.
That's a real in-your-face.
Never been a chain guy.
Never really understood them.
What is the significance of that?
Is it a religious one?
Yeah, it's got a Saint Mariana.
A big religious guy.
I mean, it's Saint M.
Every single dude is wearing Jesus chains, and none of them are religious.
I feel like a lot of Italian guys wear it.
It's like a horn kind of deal.
Yeah, yeah.
What is that?
I want to snatch all of those chains.
It's for a specific place in Italy.
Okay.
With a T, I forget.
I'm going to lose my Italian card for not knowing this.
But you're Jewish. Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. Wow. forget. I'm going to lose my Italian card for not knowing this. But you were Jewish.
Everyone thinks I'm Jewish.
You know I'm Italian.
You knew that.
Didn't.
Everyone knows that.
Frankie's wedding was good.
Did anybody get too drunk?
Did anybody like...
Yeah, what was the...
Who was the woe of the wedding?
The Islanders wanted to rip my shirt off.
Apparently that's a thing at the wedding. They're the the islanders they rip everybody's dress shirts off and lose the
buttons yeah but i had just bought that shirt for men's warehouse for 59.99 about five days prior
and i was not ready to give up uh that shirt so i said i'll just unbutton it for you just let me go
in the corner unbutton this for you and we could tell everyone ripped it off but i don't want to lose any of my buttons um and yeah so you they do they put the hand in the pocket and rip it
i think they start from the top middle and then they just rip rip it across i mean if those were
rented tuxedos my god i don't know how that's gonna work yeah they'll probably have paying a
fine but the islanders remain as long as the boys got to rough house as long as the boys got to
rough house i'm sure they had a good time.
I saw Mr. Borelli was lifted up in the air, live fan.
Nobody had a video of it, but when the mom and dad of the groom come out,
like the introduction, he had a little pizza dough in his hand that he was spinning up. Oh, cool.
By the way, wedding tip to anyone. The groom lift and the bride lift
and the father of the groom,
whatever, fathers, mothers,
if they want,
is a really fun thing.
I would highly recommend
if anyone is attending a wedding,
whether they want it or not,
pick them up,
toss them up a bunch of times.
You got to do that.
It's the electric moment of the wedding, I think.
I'll try that this weekend.
I'm going to a wedding this weekend.
I'm in it, and I can't wait.
Just go to the mom and start trying to lift her.
Come on, guys, let's do this.
Yeah, lift your mom.
Just try it.
So I'm in this wedding,
and the person that I matched with on the bride's side,
she was like, I'm so excited to do an entrance.
I am dreading this wedding.
What is the most basic entrance I can do
to still get away with it?
You could chug a drink.
Everyone loves that.
Oh my God, he's drinking.
Oh my God, he's fucking drinking.
That's awesome.
That's a big thing.
All right, that's easy.
People go crazy for people drinking.
Oh my God, he's drinking that beer.
People think it's the coolest thing ever.
And then I finish and be like, I work for Barstool!
Yeah, yeah.
Sounds awesome. Alright, okay.
Feel better now. Some real goofballs
wheel themselves in on the bellhop cart.
Is this like a thing?
There's an entrance?
Weddings have everyone hop each other.
I hate it. I hate it.
I did nothing. Why would I walk into the room and be like, hey, everyone, look at me.
Yeah.
I'm friends with this guy.
You got to show off.
I've seen the wheelbarrow where the girl holds the guy by the feet and he comes in on his hands.
That's not happening.
I'm not doing that.
The Willy Wonka flip.
I've seen some good.
I do that.
I'm going to my first wedding in two weekends.
You've never been to a wedding.
Never been. That's pathetic. As an adult, all my friends are just. That's kind of weekends. You've never been to a wedding? Never been.
That's pathetic.
As an adult, all my friends are just...
That's kind of pathetic.
I've never been to a wedding either.
Yeah, fuck you, Tommy.
What?
I don't know anyone that's not married.
How have you guys never been to weddings?
Ever.
Tommy, you're like...
My generation got married young and dumb.
How old are you, Tommy?
37?
27.
Yeah, you're old as shit.
I've been to 11 weddings, but by the time I was your age, I'd been to five, six weddings.
Tommy, we're from an older generation that believes in love.
These kids are just swiping Tinder, looking for friends.
How would I know any?
I don't know.
None of my friends are getting married.
You're not an aunt and uncle?
A cousin ever got married when you were a kid?
I have no...
All my cousins are my age.
Yeah.
He's a lot younger.
Still, I'd been to five, six weddings by the time I was 22.
I might have been as well.
Yeah.
You've been to six weddings by the time you were 22?
Yeah, I just wrote down a list, actually, the other day of all the weddings. That's so insane.
That is something that you would do, though.
Try and brag about how many weddings you've been to.
I knew just in case this moment came.
How much money you have to spend to go to weddings.
This is the first time this list has seen action.
Yeah, so by the time I was 22, I had been to six weddings.
Tommy.
That's really weird that you know that.
That's very weird.
Based on your friendship with Frankie,
what is the monetary value of the gift
you intend to give?
I just wrote him a check.
How much?
How much?
I don't know.
Should I say?
Yes.
$300?
That's good. Oh! That's good. That's very it's very good that's a nice kid broke as hell that's nice 300 that's a solid
guess good that's a good number i mean it's great yeah that is nothing tommy after all frank i don't
know if you opened it yet but that's what you got a check for three hundred dollars how much you
think dave gave him i don't know gave He gave him like a... I'll tell you.
Imagine more than $300.
The $300 check makes the $200 check look pathetic.
Yeah.
I mean, even some people go $250, and I say, you know what?
New Pitchy's all right.
It's fine.
It's not $300.
$300 is beefy.
Yeah.
That's a beef.
Is it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would go like $1,000 at least.
He wouldn't i would
you just said broke as hell when tommy said he gave three hundred dollars yeah that's why i would
do a thousand dollars there's no way you oh and tommy's broke as hell how many weddings are you
well you've never been to one i'm the first one i've got go to i'll probably do anywhere between
one and ten thousand yeah i want to be the big baller i want to be the one that everyone's like
holy shit you can't give me this.
And I'll be like, come on, man. Everybody gets the same
thank you note, pal.
Not if you give $10,000. You don't.
Yeah, pretty sure they're going to write you
a nice thank you note that is one of
the 200 they write.
And by which point their hands are tired and they've run out of ideas.
Thank you notes are a little, we got to get rid of that.
Every like baby shower,
bridal shower, wedding gift I give, I include in the note, do not
send me a thank you note.
That's also part of the gift.
You do not have to thank me for this because it's such a pain in the ass.
It's a good idea.
I like to send back your welcome notes after I get a thank you note.
Your welcome.
And then keep it going forever and ever.
This wedding is going to break me financially though.
Gift, suit.
Isn't it like a destinational wedding?
No, I had a destination wedding and it got canceled a month before.
Oh, yeah.
Pulled it off.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Where was that wedding?
Somewhere like Rosemary Beach, Florida.
Oh, that's a destination wedding?
I guess.
You're going to Florida?
I don't know.
Yeah.
They're all from Philly.
Broke ass.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't even call California a destination wedding.
I don't think I'm being...
That is a destination wedding.
I don't think I'm being an idiot here.
You have to fly.
If everyone from the area has to fly to a different state, that's a destination wedding.
But everybody invited, theoretically, is coming from a different place.
No.
I'm sure most of the people are from where you live.
Different situation.
Sure.
Yeah.
I had a cousin get married down the Jersey Shore in the fall.
And we're all, instead of our usual family Philly wedding, and everyone was like, oh.
So they rented beach houses.
Everyone stayed and made it.
It was like an hour away.
And they made it a destination.
Everyone's bawling out at motels and shit.
Yeah.
It's very exciting.
What did that say?
Can you pull that up again?
It says a location away from your hometown.
Oh.
Yeah. Okay. Then I'm wrong. It's very exciting. What did that say? Can you pull that up again? It says a location away from your hometown. Oh, okay.
Then I'm wrong.
But boy, you know, I would say that we live in New York.
A couple in New York decides to get married in like Austin.
I don't know.
To me, that's not.
Yeah, I don't know.
I feel like New York's different though.
I feel like Philly, like everyone that lives in Philly is from Philly.
Yeah.
Like a large amount of people.
When everyone's from New York, none of us are from New York.
Yeah, it's all transplants.
I am.
The Long Islanders.
Nah, no you're not.
Wait, they called the wedding, was it like a dramatic thing or was it just like a...
It was dramatic.
They already had the bachelor party.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Didn't you drop like two racks on the bachelor party?
I can't even get into it.
Oh.
But now he's marrying someone else?
Yeah. They just called it off. Where was... What wedding are wedding are you going this is a separate wedding oh okay it was the bachelor
miami oh you spent two grand on that i can't talk about it literally i'm like i'm applying
to lap dances applying to like apartments in chicago right now and i'm just like looking at
my bank statements having to submit it and i'm just like I need that two grand back. Oh god.
It's brutal.
That's devastating.
But the wedding next weekend
Was it at least fun?
Was the bachelor party fun?
Yeah it was fun.
It was a good time.
How many people were there?
Like 12.
Oh.
Does anyone know
televisions?
Speaking of money.
Yeah.
What about it?
What should I spend
on a TV these days?
They're so cheap.
I just got mine.
Mine's 50 inches.
It was like probably 300 bucks.
Okay.
Even that is almost high.
I think you get one for like 200.
I'm looking at a, I want a 65 incher.
Probably like 600.
Okay.
500, 600.
That's the first thing you're going to watch on them.
I mean, you could get one for like 200.
I don't know.
You excited about sports?
You just excited about football?
I think actually, yeah.
Yeah. That is what I'm excited about.
Sports just look so much better.
I love watching sports.
Oh, yeah, dude.
You're chugging beer.
Just like the $300 to the $200, I think we have room for a 75-incher.
And my wife said no.
I think the difference between 75 inches and 65 inches is pretty
huge. It's massive.
Especially because they don't measure it from
length. It's diagonal.
I think the difference between 55
and 65 is whatever,
but I think going from 65 to 75
is really substantial.
How big is this?
It's got to be a Hyundai. That's about a 46.
One behind SAS. I don't think that's a Hyundai. Is that a Hyundai? I's got to be a Hyundai. That's about a 46. One behind SAS.
I don't think that's a Hyundai.
Is that a Hyundai?
No, that's not a Hyundai.
I think that's a 65er.
I don't think that's a 75. That's not a 65.
That's probably a 65 piece.
That might be a 65.
55 to 46.
Yeah, I'm going to go with that.
I'm going to go with 65 on that one.
I think it's a 65.
Do we have a measuring tape measure?
I'm going 90.
You definitely don't need to get the measuring tape.
I'm going 90.
I don't know.
We got nothing else.
There's no way.
You're doing a terrible job as Big Cat.
We miss him.
I'm going to go ahead and say I'm going to decline the measuring tape.
I'll throw a 7.2.
I'll throw a 7.2 on that.
I'm putting an end to that.
Get the 75 for sure.
I want the 75, but she's worried it will dominate the room.
You know what?
I didn't realize how big a 75 or like a 65 inch tv
was and i wanted to get a tv that day i was in my apartment i was like i want a tv now so i was
gonna go to best buy and get a tv and they're like oh you can do curbside pickup and get a 65 inch tv
and then i didn't get it and i ended up just amazon ordering a 50 inch tv and that came and
i was i struggled to bring it up to my apartment which is on the second floor
and I was like I'm so fucking happy I did not walk to Best Buy to carry home a 65 inch TV
like the massive box yeah yeah can't even get that in like an uber no I don't know what I would
have done it would have been more I would have just been standing outside of Best Buy for like
an hour trying to figure out what to do you got to to go big on the TV though. I think so.
Figure it out better. I got like one
that size and I got one that size.
Gaming TV. That's my gaming TV.
And that's my big TV.
Yeah. Francis, what
should I gift my boy though?
He's like a friend. For what?
For his wedding. We're like
not that close. This is not the wedding that
was cancelled. It's the one you went to the bachelor party for. Did not go to this bachelor party? For his wedding. We're like not that close. This is not the wedding that- Separate wedding. Was canceled.
It's the one you went to the bachelor party for.
Did not go to this bachelor party.
The third wedding.
Second.
Second.
Well, first.
First, I'm going to be attending second wedding that I'm invited to.
Are they already pretty well off?
They are doing very well.
Did you go to the bachelor party for this wedding?
No.
Oh.
It was another Miami bachelor party, and I was like, I can't put out two grand and risk this.
Yeah.
So, I don't know.
I think you – 150?
I was going to say 150.
That's what I had in my head.
Yeah, 150.
I'd say 150 is very generous.
If you don't know him that well –
About half of what I gave Frankie.
We grew up together, but we don't stay in touch.
I think based on...
Not in the wedding.
I think he probably knows that's a lot for you.
Okay.
And that's all that matters, right?
He's not going to say, well, wow, Mook just bought a boat and he only gave us $150.
He's going to be like, Mook's not doing well and shelled out $150.
Mook couldn't come to and shelled out $150.
Mook couldn't come to my bachelor party for financial reasons.
This $150 probably hurt him.
Yeah, it's going to stay.
Isn't Miami one of the most expensive cities?
I would think that it's more a bachelorette party place
than bachelor party place.
Miami is such a feminine city.
Yeah, the betas.
I would go to, I don't know where my bachelor party would be.
Probably, I think I'd do Vegas.
Just classic.
I would want to go somewhere like in the woods, like outdoors.
I could see that for you.
Telluride.
Yeah, you're not fancy.
Yeah, I've been to Telluride.
Telluride's nice.
The oxygen there kind of fucks with me, though.
I was just in a bachelor party, and we went to the NFL draft.
This kid was like a huge like
nfl scout dude would always like do little scout cards for nfl players back in high school
honestly che and my friend would talk for for days about scouting stuff uh but it was it was
awesome going to the nfl draft that was pretty fun i had no expectations but it was cool so
fall out boy fall boy did a concert great. A little something for everybody there.
I've been to several NFL drafts.
For that, is your bachelor party stinks?
No, no, no.
That's awful.
I mean, I'm sure that's not the whole bachelor party.
Yeah, no.
We did a lot of other stuff.
Did you guys go to every day?
All three days?
The first round.
And then round two and three, we kind of walked through, but we did other stuff.
I mean, that's the first night, though.
Bachelor parties don't even start on the Wednesday night, so it's a bonus.
All right, I got a question.
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I have to go do the rundown. Should I send somebody else in?
No. Don't send anybody
else in? Honestly, we're getting rid of some
dead weight now, which is a good thing.
Last thing we need is more of that.
Go try that David joke on the phone.
That one was.
I actually caught the joke.
I liked it.
I hated it.
I liked it.
I hated everything about it.
I knew where he was going.
We all knew what he was trying to do.
It was so clunky.
It was so uncomfortable.
I think we were all just like,
all right, let's just sweep that under the rug and move on.
That's Tommy.
That's the essence of Tommy, which I enjoy.
Probably like when your three-year-old brings you a picture and says, look what I drew for you.
And you're like, oh.
And you have to decipher a little bit because you don't want to hurt their feelings.
We're still proud of them.
It's you.
That blob is you.
Oh.
Oh, an orca whale.
Here's my question that I wanted to ask.
So let's say that you have a group of seven or eight to ten very, very close friends, all of whom are the same age.
And one after another, you guys get into your 30s and everyone gets married and the first people have these
really big bachelor parties big weddings and you kind of go all out right because you have the
energy but as you kind of continue through the group your energy recedes and by the wedding
seven and eight it's it's a chore it's like Groundhog's Day a little. The only reason you even go is because they're a very close friend.
By what person in a group of that size do you think, would any of you say,
that they shouldn't even have a bachelor party anymore?
Probably never. Does everyone have a bachelor party anymore. Probably never.
Does everyone deserve a bachelor party?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I didn't have one.
Because it gets harder, too, once people start having kids and all that shit.
It gets harder and harder and harder.
Because I didn't want to burden people.
Do you regret it?
No.
No?
Is every one of them in Vegas or the same location?
Because generally you're going to get some Vegas, some Miami, some Nashville.
They all require a flight, let's say, or a hotel room and a long weekend.
I like seeing my friends, so I would be fine with everyone having a black Friday.
It's an excuse to go hang out with your
old friends. I don't even
want your opinion because you are
too young. I would be pissed
if all of my friends had a bachelor party
and then when my bachelor party came around they were
like, we don't think you get one.
It wouldn't say that.
We're a little burned out. We already did all of ours.
We don't really want to do yours.
I think what happened was in my friend group, one of my friends didn't have one.
And I think part of the reason was that he was having a wedding that was in Italy.
And he was like, I don't want to ask everyone to travel twice for me.
And then once he set that tone, and then by that point,
a couple of the guys from the early side
had had kids.
It just,
it was,
there was an implication that,
you know.
They sound not fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was like,
you're rolling with the whack.
The early bachelor parties were nuts.
Yeah.
Nuts.
I mean,
and then you just lose.
No. Jay, back me up here. I doubt it. Yeah. I mean, I mean, and then you just lose. Jay,
back me up.
I doubt it.
Yeah.
I mean,
I understand like the moment that you're in,
but like,
I'm also on the,
how old are you?
34.
Okay.
So I'm 37.
You do feel a little worse about party drugs once you have kids.
Oh,
you found it.
I was in the like territory where it's like,
it kind of loses some of its luster,
but now I'm like,
damn, somebody, but that's because Frankie Borelli invited me touster. But now I'm like, damn, somebody.
But that's because Frankie Borelli invited me to his bachelor party.
I'm like, yeah, let's fucking go wherever you want.
I think that's because you don't have the-
When the sales team has a going out party,
Che comes in wearing a tight V-neck t-shirt and cowboy boots.
Talking to the wrong guy.
I think it's a density thing then,
because you're not facing the
same density now and you have as they said now you look forward to seeing your friends again
yeah it's not like three bachelor parties in a summer there is a there's a point where it loses
its luster but you never like don't if it's a good friend like i would never not go you always go you always go but before you go some of them you're like man do i really want to
go to charleston do i really want to go to nashville for the fourth time and do the fucking
honky-tonk bullshit it's kind of like sometimes you know how like new year's eve at least when
i was younger it would get like built up as this crazy party night and beforehand the expectations would be so high for whatever crazy plan you made like for a fancy party or
you'd pay like 200 bucks for whatever and then it never kind of lived up to it and so it was always
kind of a disappointing night and i feel like certain bachelorette parties that i've gone to
that have like in the most expensive most planned out ones for the least fun kind of and the most fun ones
i've had have just been like down the jersey shore like super low-key not crazy dressed up
not a ton of money just getting hammered with your buddies i feel like it would be that's like
for me i mean i only have like is all i need like i feel like i probably have like six people that
i would go to their bat that i would be even considered to go to their bachelor parties.
And all of them, I think it would be like – like, I mean, me and my buddies went to Iceland and we didn't – at night there's nothing to do.
And it was like the most fun part of the entire trip.
We just got hammered and sat at a table and played cards.
I think it would be pretty hard for me to not have fun.
That goes hand in hand with like a night out.
The best nights out are just out of spur of the moment.
Random, yeah. that goes hand in hand with like a night out the best nights out are just out of spur of the moment yeah sometimes i think the more money and the more planning like the more pressure to have a good and
like all you need to do is get hammered yeah i think it is the trick sounds like you guys aren't
drinking enough because you have enough it's pretty hard to not have fun it's a good time yeah
hey yeah who you who you calling friends i've gone out with you it's we're one beer and you're like
i'm fucking exhausted.
Oh, so it's the guy who, when I said we're going to play pool,
whoever loses the game has to take a shot, and you were like,
well, that's not fair because I lose every game.
It was like 2 p.m.
Yeah, but I was taking him with you.
Is Francis trying to take advantage of me?
He was trying to take advantage of me.
I had two shots and three beers in my system by 3 p.m. on a Friday,
and I had shows that night.
I think I did, too, right?
No.
Actually, I don't think either of us did.
Also, I don't think it was 3 p.m.
I think it was 5.
And then I was out until 3 a.m.
Yeah.
Because you got me riled up.
You know, once you get that engine started, it's not going off.
I like to go early and hard to early and hard and then i like
to be in bed at a good time yeah that's the opposite of me i like to go early and then and
then be in bed when the sun is out francis did covid play uh did covid play a factor in your
friend group because in mine once uh once we canceled the one of the bachelor parties the
first bachelor party because of covid reasons the next two just became so much easier
to cancel. I think you're spot on.
I think there
was an absolute...
It was so tough to plan travel
in that time
and that's exactly where
certainly the first half
of all my friends' weddings were
like 2020 to 2022.
It was just like, well, we can't.
How can we ask people to set aside weekends?
Who knows if there's going to be a third wave and all this bullshit?
People are getting COVID.
Friends-wise, since COVID, I've had two.
And those two, we just haven't done any bachelor parties.
But before that, we were going to Vegas.
Here's a fun one.
So one of my buddies who didn't have a bachelor party,
his wife told him that she would, like,
honor the bachelor party for any point in their marriage.
And he's thinking of saving it for, like, when he's 50.
And that we'll all go to his bachelor party
when he's oh that's a great i don't hate that it would be kind of fun that's a big waste because
when you're turning 50 you can already do that like you can plan a huge flow oh not not not as
a 50th birthday but necessarily any like i'm 43 guys i really need a fucking let's go blow up in Vegas.
Everybody up for it?
Holy shit.
We haven't done this in 20 years. I think it's easier for the guys to sell to their families if they're like, it's this belated bachelor party.
We got to go.
If it's not a bachelor party, that's a midlife crisis.
I feel like that would be way harder to get people to go on.
It could be.
Rather than like, hey, I'm getting married.
Be like, hey, guys uh i hate my life i want to go blackout in vegas this weekend i really need you guys
because you're like fuck no dude i have kids my wife went on a belated bachelorette party like
a few months ago from like a covid wedding yeah yeah i bet there's a lot of that happening now
belated bachelor party sounds wild. COVID makes no sense.
We went to their wedding like a year or two ago.
It's probably just like getting fucked up.
It's probably not really like a special.
Like there's like the idea of like you're getting married.
You don't have to worry about messing up so bad at the bachelor party that you ruin the upcoming wedding because you're already married.
He's already stuck.
Yep.
You can really let loose.
I like that.
Good time. I don't, to your point, Hairball,
I don't know that
the bachelor parties I've been on
have been a major celebration of
life's pending wedding.
It's not like
we're so proud of you for
settling down.
I don't know, I've never been on a bachelor party. Mark. Yeah.
Good for you buddy. You found the right
one. That's more of a bachelorette.
Me and my crew are a little more tight knit
than you and your crew. I think it sounds
like you guys are a bunch of fucking losers.
Hell me and my
me and my fellows we ride. You guys get like pictures
of the bride and you're like alright
so. Yeah.
What would you do to her you're here
right is that what you think we do i don't know i'm i'm trying to think of what he's thinking of
he's all about the whole marriage do you support a stripper at a bachelor party i don't know i've
never been to a bachelor party but yeah probably if i have enough beers your bachelor party is
gonna be like six dudes in a basement playing COD in the same lobby.
Probably, yeah.
That would be awesome.
That's like the highlight of my life was playing gun game, Black Ops 2.
Oh, yeah.
My friend's attic.
Every single day.
Split screen.
Someone's always cheating.
Yeah, someone was always cheating.
Always.
I know my one buddy was always screen peeking.
I think you're going to come around on this.
Maybe.
But right now, it's like I've never been on a bachelor party and the idea of going somewhere where it's like
you have to get fucked up sounds awesome yeah because right now it's i never have to get fucked
up and then i do and then i wake up with intense guilt but you're gonna have uh i think you'll have
like a lot of years where we're gonna go somewhere and get fucked up is is happening not not for
bachelor parties but just like share houses
and weekends and like
yeah but even then it's not as much of like a
requirement to get fucked up
you know like you have to get
fucked up on a bachelor party I feel like
unless you're sober
unless you're a
raging pussy
you trying to get fucked up this weekend
in Huntsville Alabama no I'm not this weekend? In Huntsville, Alabama?
No, I'm not going to drink in Huntsville.
Nope.
Going sober?
I heard that song and dance before.
I didn't drink at all in Ontario.
Didn't even have one drink.
Damn.
I was Ontario.
Nightmare?
No.
No, it was fine.
It was like...
There's nothing there.
It was me performing in front of like
150 Mexican bikers.
Wait, why?
Dudes with like massive handlebar mustaches.
Did they have their Grubhub
bags still on the bike?
No, it was actually, the shows were all
pretty good.
Huntsville will probably be pretty similar.
Yeah, I think Huntsville
is going to be fun.
Apparently, it's like
an up-and-coming city.
I doubt that.
Did Brandon Walker
tell you that?
No, it's up-and-coming.
I'm sure Huntsville
will be fine.
It's this weekend.
But then after that,
I got a bunch of good weekends,
so I'm fine with that.
Got a bunch of fucking...
This is Ontario, California, right?
Yes.
I've never heard of it
until I saw you were going there.
What's it like?
It's just one big strip mall.
There's two strip malls, and you pretty much just go back and forth between the two.
That's what the shit's happening in Ontario.
No one lives there.
Some of those Californian towns are bleak.
Yeah, it was pretty depressing.
It was hot as shit, too.
That's tough.
Francis, do you get fucked up on the road?
No. When I go with him, sometimes do you force him no he's got a pace that i that makes me want to rediscover a younger
version of myself yeah but also we we set out on the night being like we're gonna have some beers
tonight and then we have like two beers and he's like what are you thinking man anytime someone drops the what do you yeah you
can't drop that yeah it's like i want to go home i'm reading your i want to go home but if you
really you're not like if you desperately need another drink you're not like fucking a chopping
up lines on the toilet seat and like being like come on dude because i read your energy as soon
as we walk in the building and i go yeah it, it's going to be one of those nights.
I don't know.
In bed by 11.
I think we've had St. Louis.
We went after it a little.
St. Louis we did.
We got after it.
We also, when we split the bill in terms of the show, we know we don't have to do as much time.
I don't think either of us are as afraid of getting more drunk for the show.
And in the green room, we'll throw it back.
Yeah.
Also, I'm kind of just like over the getting fucked up every weekend on the road.
Yeah.
When we went to San Francisco, we went to an oyster place.
That was fun.
I think I drank a bottle of wine.
He had a couple of beers.
Yeah.
And that was fun.
That's what we do.
We've been doing the road.
He's been going to bed midnight, 1 a.m.,
and then I've just been getting fucked up by myself and discovering Detroit
and discovering Ontario, California.
I go up and I go to bed, and then I see stories of Mook out drinking, like,
pints of twisted tea.
What the hell are you doing?
I'll get after it.
I've been doing what you do, Francis.
I've been booking like the 7 a.m. flight home.
I got to get the fuck out of here.
I want to have.
Ontario, I was like, if there's a 3 a.m. flight, I'll take it.
We're trying to catch a red eye.
Yeah, yeah.
I was going to take an Uber to LAX.
Because otherwise
you don't have a weekend.
The next day is shot.
You spend the whole day traveling home on Sunday
and you've
worked all seven days
of the week. I don't know.
It just doesn't feel like a
good life.
I enjoy it.
Between my divorce and pat and the kid and having kids but i went through this phase where i would travel by myself to different cities
and do bar crawls like by myself and like the night couldn't end until something happened yeah
until like i found an adventure of some sort where I was either almost going to get murdered a little bit or there was like, I don't know, or I wound up at some cool house party with a cool group of people.
But like the night couldn't end until I had found my way into some kind of interesting scenario.
You're like on a quest.
I was like, I would go on quests kind of.
I can't explain it.
And then I would end, you know, the next day. day i'm like oh wow i made a bunch of friends last
night whatever or or oh i shouldn't have done that that was a little scary like i don't know
but something had to happen and i miss those days sometimes i miss the first time i ever saw you
really throwing it back was uh in philly i think you might have come to the show that i had at helium yes yep and then
afterwards i went to a bar and you were there i think maybe we'd coordinated yes and you were
just drinking pitchers of yingling from the pitcher yes yeah and uh that was pretty fun i
took you to i was like we got to take this back alley.
And there was a construction.
That's right.
We were climbing on the construction.
I was like, come on, follow me.
I know an alley.
Yeah.
I always had to find, something had to happen, though.
And I would always wander off from my friends if nothing was happening.
And I was bored with the group.
They said I was like the Yeti.
They'd just see my shadow leaving the bar.
And I was off into the night.
And they're like, she's going to get into something.
I don't know.
Maybe that's alcoholism.
Anyway, what's new with you guys?
Yeah, I don't know.
I like... Did we lose Mook?
Did he just decide it wasn't...
Yeah, he had to go call his friends.
He was like, hey, I'm sorry, guys.
I'm sorry I missed all those bachelor parties.
But now that I've had a big break
in between another big break, whenever there is, because especially if you're from a certain area like the Philly area, not saying I love every wedding that I've been to, love all my friends, but they do kind of get the same.
It does kind of get a groundhog's day, especially I'm from like a huge family, like always a great time.
But there's certain things that you're like, you know exactly what to expect. You know how it's going to go, blah, blah, blah. But now that there's been a gap, like the weddings I went to in between, I was like ready to go.
I was like ready to party again.
I just remember last summer I went to one of my college friends' weddings.
And there was a heckler.
A heckler in the crowd.
So the groom's cousin invited her boyfriend who'd never met the family
this dude was hammered drunk it was just like it's like the groom's the shortest guy up there
and whenever the whenever the bride was about to walk down he like he like started yelling
something and it was just like what so a wedding heckler was a new thing for me that was a new
thing on the bingo card. I loved it.
He had a half-smoked cigarette dangling from his lips during the reception.
It was just like, blah, blah, blah.
I loved it.
It's kind of a wild move to make.
You can't really recover from that.
No, and he knew no one there.
Yeah, and he's trying to enter the family.
And then at the dancing party, he was trying to dance the flower girl.
I'm a good guy.
I'm fun.
Oh, he was like trying to dance the flower girl i'm a good guy i'm fun oh he was wild i was reading about this guy in australia who long story short i suck at
retelling stories but he befriended this guy who was dying and the guy who was dying was like i want
this story to be told at my funeral he this guy didn't know anybody else in that guy's life he's
like can you stand up at my funeral and kind of like a heckler yell out this thing
that I've always wanted to say to everyone,
but that I couldn't.
And it was like he was gay or something like that.
It was like, and by the way,
this is like his official decree from him.
And he started getting hired by other people
who knew they were like, when I die,
I want you to stand up and heckle this at my funeral
officially from me from beyond the grave.
And he makes like a ton of money doing it now.
They're back.
No, we got to go again.
Really?
No way.
Are you serious?
More Monkey Boy documentary?
Yes.
It's going to be good.
It's going to be good.
Where are you coming from?
Studio in Brooklyn.
Oh, okay.
So you weren't like flying or anything or traveling?
No, no, no.
We were just in Brooklyn.
What's up?
How's the show going?
It's been going really great.
I just retold a story that was great.
Sass is crushing it.
We have been in stitches the whole time.
We haven't stopped laughing.
Sass isn't funny.
I'm not...
That's where you lost me.
Can you give an update on how it's going or anything?
Or is it all kind of under the...
It's all kind of...
Yeah, I think we're going to put out a trailer later this week just to get people to go.
Oh, shoot.
We'll see how it goes.
Is there a rough estimate on a release date?
Probably be a while.
October?
Are you guys going to try to sell it to a network?
No.
Netflix, Hulu.
Talkies.
Talkies.
One of the big three.
The barstool store.
Yeah, dude.
We got barstool house.
Here's a game
that I've been playing, Nick.
If you stare at Mook's legs
for about eight seconds
and then you close your eyes.
See the Pope?
You can still see the Pope.
Look at those bad boys.
Come on, Mook.
Defend yourself.
I love my legs.
KB, while I got you here, let's talk gym.
Let's talk workouts.
I'm back in.
Harder than that.
We're back in.
Where'd you get that ball?
You're not.
That's going to kill someone.
Oh, God.
You do have nice, thick legs, though.
Yes, nice, thick calves.
You do have creamy legs. You got good squats. It's the best part of my body. someone. Oh, God. You do have nice, thick legs, though. Yes, nice, thick calves. You do have creamy legs.
You've got good squats.
It's the best part of my body.
Yeah.
Everything else sucks.
I can't squat for shit.
I can't squat for shit.
Really?
We're embarrassed.
What are you hitting these days?
Because I'm kind of all over the map.
What do you mean?
You know what I mean.
Are you committed, or are you treating it as a short-term challenge?
No, I'm back in.
Are you sure? I made chicken and rice yesterday. It-term challenge? No, I'm back in. Are you sure?
Made chicken and rice yesterday.
It's a challenge to you and not a lifestyle change.
No, it's a lifestyle change.
Temporarily.
I had like two beers last night instead of getting blacked out.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was like, I got to go to the gym tomorrow, guys.
This isn't for me anymore.
And you went to the gym?
Today?
Yeah.
No, it's my off day.
No, but I went yesterday and I went on Saturday.
I'm going like every other day because I'm getting back into it and I'm too sore to go every day.
Yeah, you need a recovery day.
Yeah.
That's good.
What are you doing at the gym?
A little treadmill to warm up.
Cut that out.
No, I have to.
Because, dude, I'm so out of shape.
Ten minutes on the treadmill,
my shirt is see-through.
Why no treadmill, KB?
Why no cardio?
You don't need to,
if you're lifting,
if the goal is strength,
Yeah, but I'm just going to
get the heart rate up.
Yeah, you do.
I do.
Are you doing it
for mental health,
or?
Both.
Just to, like,
feel good about myself.
Yeah, then do the cardio,
yeah.
And then,
and then, like,
I hit chest tries
saturday yesterday i was back by his yeah nice are we ever gonna get like a reveal from you
what do you mean a reveal a body review waiting so patiently for any excuse i would well i mean
i'm not i'm not. I would love to see you
without a shirt on. He's jacked
out of his mind. I know. I'm excited about it.
It's like Christian Bale.
You were just at the beach and you were pissed that there was
nobody on the beach, right? It was a dead beach.
Ah, damn. That's nothing worse.
When you have a rock and bawd.
When you have an awful bawd, a dead beach
is the best.
We actually
ferry to this.
I love island towns that are tiny.
You can't get there by car.
Okra Coke, if you guys ever heard of it.
Do they have wild horses?
They do, but the town was cool.
It was quaint, a lot of bars.
Where is that?
The farthest point, southern tip of the Outer Banks.
Oh, shit.
You were all the way down there.
Yeah.
Are you walking around town shirtless?
No, not at all.
Walking to the bars, no shirt?
Unbuttoned Hawaiian?
I didn't go to the bar, no.
No.
Shirt on the whole time.
Even on the beach?
Not the beach, no.
Popped it off?
You pop it off or you rip it off?
Come on.
Rip? I think he takes it off, but he crosses off or you rip it off? Come on. Rip?
I think he takes it off, but he crosses his arms.
Crosses his arms.
I know he does.
He crosses.
Oil up before you go?
Suntan lotion?
He's got a little glaze going.
How he oils.
Oil up, yeah.
I mean, everyone should be putting on sunscreen on a daily basis to prevent skin cancer.
I do it. Right? Luke, use some of my sunscreen and look skin cancer. I do it.
Mook, use some of my sunscreen and look at him.
Obviously it works.
She's holding on
for dear life in that chair.
Next to KB's tan, he does look
very... Mook, are you back into kickboxing
because you quit when we made fun of you?
Yeah, I'm back. And how's it going?
What we did was we made fun of you behind
your back because you weren't there to edit the podcast. And then we sent you the podcast. We're like, clip'm back. And how's it going? What we did was we made fun of you behind your back because you weren't there to edit the podcast.
And then we sent you the podcast.
We were like, clip this time.
And I spent 45 minutes clipping.
And you guys just called me a gay cat burglar.
Well, you walked up like this, like sneakily.
I was getting in my bag, dude.
I was getting my mojo back.
Why did you quit?
I feel like you were really into it.
We made fun of him.
Yeah, I got wrecked.
You were wasting your money.
I had to pay a dismemberment fee.
Oh, man.
You're breaking your contract.
A dismemberment fee?
To chop off your leg?
It's like an extra thing you gotta pay in the movie Hostel.
Have you ever canceled a gym membership recently?
No, I just wait for the fucking credit card to expire.
It's impossible.
It's way easier to do it that way.
I just canceled my Philly membership, and you had to apply to yeah you have to like go in and be like i need
to cancel i had to physically drive like two and a half hours and go in and make it impossible
planet fitness you have to like get a letter from your governor
local congress doctors notice to why i can't if i don't go in the morning it is packed with
kids kids children two like chinese kids are playing tag yeah in the gym yes and i was if
you go after like three to the canal street one it's that's what it tags a great workout good
cardio these teens come in groups of six and just take up one area.
It's a nightmare.
Are they like high schoolers or like children?
They're like probably the cusp, like ninth, eighth grade.
Okay.
I had to spot a dude at the gym on Saturday.
He was putting up 315 on bench.
Gee.
And I was like, dude, if this goes wrong, you got the wrong guy here to help you get this up.
Yeah, that's not my man. Dude, if this goes wrong, you got the wrong guy here to help you get this up. I just have the Smith machine, which sucks.
Yeah.
I wouldn't want to have to get a spotter every time.
I like the Smith machine.
Love it.
It just makes you feel like you're not hurting yourself as much.
Yeah, you have perfect form every time.
Quick question.
Do you ever fill out an insurance form
or sign up for insurance
and it says accidental death
or dismemberment?
Yeah.
Why do they still include
dismemberment?
I feel like people lose
fingers and stuff a lot.
Is that what it's referring to?
Yeah, probably.
More than you think.
I've never seen a full-bodied machinist.
Yeah.
Machinists are always losing.
Yeah.
And they always were like, yeah, it was all right.
It wasn't that bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess I felt like if you end up accidental death, right,
and then dismemberment to me, losing an arm, losing a leg,
I don't know why those two things go no pun intended, hand to hand.
Did this happen to you recently?
I was filling out some kind of insurance form.
I think it's such a grim box. Rather than having
two grim boxes, they
consolidated. It's also, from
what I recall, very inexpensive.
I feel like it's under $5 a pay
period to get half a million
dollars of coverage for
that because it's extremely rare.
I have a buddy with no
big toe. No big toe?
Yeah, he ran it over with a mower.
I have a buddy who's missing these two and
he went to pull the grass out from under a lawnmower.
I hate lawnmowers. And I feel like most of your
buddies don't have most of their lawnmowers.
Lawnmowers are dangerous.
My buddy's dad just lost his heel.
That is nasty.
I run by them.
What does that mean?
On the hill.
What does that mean?
My buddy Sean, my old college roommate, his dad lost his heel.
You don't need the heel, though.
He has his foot but not his heel?
Yeah.
I guess you can't really put that back on, I guess.
I have a phobia of mowers.
Mowers are scary, especially when you're mowing uphill.
Yeah.
Your buddy, Sean, his dad lost his heel.
Yeah.
Didn't Sean lose his teeth?
Yes, in a basketball net.
How?
This is a nightmare.
In a basketball net?
He lowered the basketball hoop to dunk, and he had buck teeth.
That is the worst thing that could happen to a kid.
Went to the hospital, came back, they were still in the net.
Yikes. That is the worst thing that could happen to a kid. Went to the hospital, came back, they were still in the net. Oh.
Yikes.
Now he has two fake front teeth, but he couldn't get surgery,
so when we were roommates, he had them in a retainer.
His teeth were in a clear retainer,
and then at bars and stuff, he would sneeze them out and catch them.
That's funny.
That's cool.
I love a baller, Sean.
When I was in eighth grade, I was rollerblading,
and I tried to jump in between a gap of the sidewalk to like one side to the other.
I made it and then I slipped and I was going as fast as I could.
And I'm a pretty good, I'm pretty good on the blades.
You guys know that.
So I was going like probably 80 or 90 miles per hour.
And I landed and I landed and I wobbled out, landed on my knees, skid for like three feet, was bleeding.
My socks were stained in blood because of how much blood was coming out of my knees.
And then I went to the nurse, got whatever, and then I went outside and I looked and my skin was all on the sidewalk.
Like smeared along the sidewalk.
You have a scar?
You can't really see it that well, but yeah, my knees are definitely scarred from that. It's not that bad if you can't really see it that well but yeah, my knees are definitely scarred
from that
It's worse than any injury
you've ever experienced
That is not even close
What was that?
Four and a half hours?
I had some really bad injuries
Your balls can't be sad?
That was your friend who broke his ball
on two separate occasions
twice? Once you break it once That was your friend who broke his ball on two separate occasions. He broke his penis.
Twice?
Once you break it once, it's probably easier.
It was on the same day, one year apart.
How do you break a penis?
It has to be hard.
It has to be hard, yeah.
But it's not a bone.
No, but when you have a penis that is erect
and if a girl is on top, typically.
And it slips out, and then she plops down.
It comes out, and then she comes down on it.
So how did you break his penis?
Oh, I didn't.
He was at the same cabin.
I heard it.
Oh, he screamed, obviously.
Oh, my God.
I actually heard the pop.
You were eavesdropping already. You were eavesdropping already
You were eavesdropping
Which is fine
I can't imagine it was that loud
I guarantee your smart ass was like
Did that sound like a penis?
I thought someone was opening a bag of chips
Oh my god
Did you guys just hear a penis break?
What do they do for that?
There's nothing they can do
They gotta drain the penis, right?
I think it stays hard when it breaks.
They took him to the hospital.
Oh, I think.
That's a Grey's Anatomy episode.
And they have to go in and they sew up the sheath from the inside.
Stop.
And then he had a piss bag.
He was peeing out of a catheter for a week.
As the girl, what do you do after you do that?
We called her Dick Breaker from that day forward.
That's also kind of cool.
Did you play on the phone game Brick Breaker?
I think it was something like from Game of Thrones.
Or just a simple...
Breaker of Chains?
Did they stay together?
Did they stay together after that?
They weren't together.
Oh, okay.
Let's sue the fuck out of her You better lawyer the fuck up
I'm getting you for everything you've got
Does he have like
Permanent bruising?
Starring?
Or a bent dick?
I think he's got like a nub
It's like a little bit of a nub.
Like his penis or he has like a notch?
On his penis there's a bit of scarring.
A tree ring.
Imagine that.
That might enhance the sexual. Like a knot.
Like a knot in a tree.
Ribbing.
A little ribbing.
Yeah.
Huh.
I'll be damned.
Imagine they sew it back together and you like lose inches.
Just cut it off.
They sew it too tight.
So many men go for that penis elongating surgery.
Yeah, or you could just cut the top tendon.
A lot of porn stars do that just so you hang lower.
But it doesn't change the size, just the hang.
From what I've read.
Is that in an article?
An article you read?
Yeah.
I read that one.
But you're saying guys are, laymen are actually doing this?
They're getting like penis lengthening surgery?
Yeah, I think it's like you get like two extender on the side.
But I would imagine that someone who had done it might not talk about it.
How does that even?
I think it hurts a lot.
I don't think it's, I also don't think it's successful.
Yeah, the guys who have paid crazy money to get their body taller,
they pretty much are paralyzed afterwards.
Not at all.
Not at all.
What?
Yeah, I was actually thinking.
Have I shown you guys the whole of my show?
Yeah.
Good.
Like the limb lengthening?
Yeah.
Yeah, for to straighten my bow legs.
So I didn't go crazy with it.
So those problems arise if you try to gain like 10 centimeters.
I only did enough to straighten my bow legs.
Yeah, these are guys trying to gain a lot.
I saw a guy trying to do like four and a half inches, I saw,
and he was like in PT for like four years.
The limp.
To relearn how to walk.
Yeah.
Women's fault.
Way worse.
Yeah, it is women's fault.
It's new.
I like it.
When did you get that?
Over break.
Wow.
Do you not like to draw attention to your tattoos?
No, but you did it.
Oh.
I didn't see it.
It's healing right now.
Want to touch it?
No.
But it's cool.
Thanks, man.
What is it? It's But it's cool. Thanks, man. What is it?
It's from a book series.
Which?
Stormlight Archive.
Okay.
What's the name of it?
This really doesn't matter at all.
We have had a hard time finding things to talk about.
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I feel like that sounds a lot easier than all the surgeries. Not only do the shoes,
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They are not old man Velcro shoes. You're going to get compliments on these things.
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I tell you that much.
Amen.
I'd run for president if I was an extra 2.8 inches taller.
Yeah.
Well, now you can be.
I'd have the confidence.
Who's our shortest president?
James Madison.
I know the dude who died mad early.
He was short, too.
William Henry Harrison.
See if they had been a few inches taller.
With Kunzuri's, they would have...
They were wearing little pilgrim shoes
with little buckles on them.
So Abe Lincoln was the same height as Brandon Walker.
I picture Abe Lincoln being super tall.
Completely different beliefs.
That's not even true.
One's a little less racist.
Early 1800s, 5'4 was fine.
Yes, you're right.
That was the...
You would have been a tall glass of water.
Oh my God.
You'd have played center.
That would be sick.
Sorry, Tommy.
Women don't care.
I've got a full cast.
Yeah, we got to go.
Oh, really quick. Tommy told this joke earlier. Oh my God. It don't care. I've got a full cast. Yeah, we got to go. Oh, really quick.
Tommy told this joke earlier.
Oh, my God.
It was so bad.
Yeah, that's right.
You didn't have to tell me that.
No, I had to.
KB, when can you take your shirt off for us?
At the pool hall, maybe.
Oh.
If you beat me or something, I have to take my shirt off.
Oh.
That was fun.
That was fun. Strip pool. Strip pool. Can we just add it to the wheel? have to take my shirt off. That was fun. That was fun.
Strip pool.
Strip pool.
Can we just add it to the wheel?
KB takes his shirt off.
No.
Okay.
Yeah, that's good.
Do you want to get like a-
Almost embarrassing at this point.
You'd want to do a-
How ripped you are.
Pump.
Yeah.
I'd get a pump before.
You got to pump it.
Okay.
Stick to it.
Totally.
Yeah.
Where are you guys off to now?
Where's the next location
the doctor's office doctor's office oh okay manhasset oh in manhattan okay godspeed safe
travels yes it's fancy yeah joint physicals nice of course bye guys good luck bye guys
i'll be missed oh yeah, yeah. All right.
Spin the wheel?
Yeah, let's spin the wheel.
No.
No, it's not going to be what?
What is the name wheel?
That's just some wheel with all of our names,
and it goes to a different wheel.
So then, like, say if it lands on my wheel,
I have my own wheel with my own little things on it that could be for some good things, some bad things.
I feel like it lands on TJ the most.
I kind of forget what's on everyone's name wheels.
Yeah, I have no idea.
When's Rome get back?
How long is he in Africa?
I don't think until next week.
Once the leopards are done migrating,
he can come back.
His trip looks awesome so far, though.
How often do you go on a safari
and you just see nothing?
Does that happen all the time?
I'm sure it happens.
I don't think so.
There's just so much wildlife.
I think you see them every time.
Well, the people who are out driving communicate, even from rival companies.
Yeah.
And they'll say, hey, we're with some cats.
Come over here.
This is where we are.
Hey, we've got a cheetah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't think I'd want to be that close.
I don't think I'd want to be that close i don't think i'd ever do that
if you stay in the truck you're fine because the animals apparently think that the truck is one big
animal another animal they're not gonna fuck see like the terminator when they're looking at it
yeah i don't think that would scare me at all i've been seeing a lot of videos from
like yellowstone and stuff this year of people
getting real close to the buffalo and stuff again.
Going right up to them.
Did you see that video of there was a guy taking pictures
of a grizzly bear down by the water
and the grizzly bear just charges him?
And the guy just acts big and the grizzly bear backs off?
Yeah. Biggest nuts
on any human being on that guy.
I think people were saying that grizzly bears
they do an initial charge as like
an intimidation thing.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then if they come back again, then they're actually going to kill you.
I thought grizzly bears just straight up kill you.
Yeah, they are.
Like brown bears or whatever.
Black bears you can lie down.
Yeah.
Black bears.
No, black bears are the ones where you're supposed to.
Because they're like dogs.
They get scared easily.
Come around looking for your trash.
Yeah.
My buddy's in Alaska right now.
He's a fly fishing tour guide, and he's saying he's like, it's like a place where people pay.
It's like rich people go, and they go, and he guides them on fly fishing.
He has to carry around a Glock 10, and then he has a shotgun in his room for bears,
and they had to kill a black bear the other day.
He said it was, like, devastating.
Oh, shit.
And he sends me videos,
and there's just black bears, like,
walking outside of his cabin.
He's in, like, a stand-alone cabin.
Like, it's just a bed.
It's tiny.
And it's just him.
And then there's, like,
obviously there's, like, more people there.
Yeah, why'd they have to kill him?
Because it was getting, like, way too close and getting aggressive with everyone.
Black Bear was rolling up.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
It's pretty nuts.
I know.
But yeah, he's like he has no prior training with guns and they just gave him a shotgun
and a pistol.
There you go.
Yeah.
Damn.
Now he's like when I go back to Denver, I'm going to buy a Glock 10.
Yeah.
Now he wants like an arsenal.
Yeah.
He said he wants one for when he goes fishing which is probably smart because we've gone we've
gone like hiking and fishing out like deep into like when we went to wyoming we were like we did
a 14 mile hike and we were like there was we saw massive moose and like all sorts of shit and we
were like dude if any everyone that we passed on the on the trail had guns or like bear spray or something yeah and we were like half two of my buddies were wearing
flip-flops like dude if we get rolled up on by like a mountain lion or a bear we're fucked
get taken out yeah i was carrying around a rock i was like this is the this is all we've got right
now as i'm in this new jersey i follow all these different like new jersey hiking groups and there's
it's called the stairway to heaven but it's mostly just like a boardwalk through a swamp.
It's part of the Appalachian Trail.
But I take my son there all the time.
I've been taking him there since he was like seven months old.
Just me and him alone.
And you're kind of out there.
And somebody posted the other day, like, bears right next to.
And I was like, whoops, maybe.
And I haven't been, like, now I carry spray.
But before, at first, like, I wasn't.
I'm like, oh, my God.
Yeah, even bear spray, I feel like that's, what is that?
This is a moth.
A 0% chance that works.
It makes them angry.
I'm like, well, now I'm actually going to kill you.
How much worse is bear spray from, like, human mace?
I don't know.
Probably, I think it sprays, like, 10 feet, which I think is.
They're way bigger, yeah.
They're, like, way more.
Yeah.
But.
But I think even if you just had like a gun,
you don't even have to,
I think just like shooting it to scare them
would probably do enough.
Like a black bear.
You could piss it off more.
What's that sound?
Even like,
I think some people even carry like flare guns.
That'd be cool.
That would scare the fuck out of a bear
if just a massive fucking firework shot out of them. Yeah. I'd like to kill a man with a flare gun. That'd be cool. If would scare the fuck out of a bear if just a massive fucking firework shot out of them.
Yeah.
I'd like to kill a man with a flare gun.
That'd be cool.
If I was in a movie.
Like The Breakfast Club?
Horror movie.
He tries to kill himself with a flare gun.
How many people in the US get killed by flare guns?
I bet at least five a year.
He just bounces off his head.
Yeah.
Flare gun.
He went off in his locker, I think.
Yeah, he brings a flare gun to school.
I just watched that. To kill himself.
Yeah.
So this is Breakfast Club or Dead Poets Society?
This is Breakfast Club.
Oh, yeah, Breakfast Club.
He has a flare gun in a paper bag in his locker.
I don't remember this.
Shoot up a...
We should re-watch Breakfast Club.
What a dumbass.
Let's spin that name wheel.
Oh, yeah.
Spin it up.
Oh.
This is going to result in you having to do something out of the office.
Yeah.
Prep for an episode.
I don't remember what I have left on it.
I have fun things like ice cream party.
Sounds awesome. What are these
things? Butt quarters? Butter crocks.
Oh yeah, you have to put
I feel
you have to spend an episode
wearing crocks full of softened butter.
I don't know why.
I think that's funny.
What's butt quarters? Butt quarters is a bar
game I play with my cousins.
Sounds like
you gotta walk across the room with a quarter pinched between your b-cheeks and What's butt quarters? Butt quarters is a bar game I play with my cousins Sounds like And my friends
You gotta walk across the room with a quarter pinched between your b-cheeks
And try and drop it into a cup
Suck caucus?
I think we already landed on that didn't we?
No
Your account either has to tweet out suck cock US
Or you have to get
Like stand up right now
And go to Penn Station,
take the train to Secaucus, and come back.
I would just tweet.
Yeah, I'd just tweet.
I'd just tweet Secaucus.
Turtleneck week, we all have to wear turtlenecks all week.
That's awesome.
That's a tough one for right now.
Wine maker, somebody has to stomp grapes in here during the episode
until it gets to a certain amount of grape liquid.
That was dumb, too. I don't know what certain amount of grape liquid. That was dumb too.
I don't know what Laugh Sab is.
I have no idea.
I think that's an acronym for whatever you asked me to put on it.
No clue.
Let's spin it.
Let's see.
Fart Eliminator.
We can't leave the room until we all fart.
So dumb.
A winemaker.
Okay.
That's dumb. but I was thinking
like that
I Love Lucy episode
I was thinking
of the
the grape stomping lady
that falls
that falls in the thing
oh oh oh oh
do we actually
I'll have to think more
on what that is actually
oh so now do we spend
a CUS to do it
and then does anyone
have to drink the juice
I don't know
It's your rules
It's your wheel
Yeah I'm gonna say
Spend two wheels
One person does the stomping
The other person has to drink the grape juice
Is that dumb
Is that juvenile
Oh I think
Let's do that
Okay
Okay I'm gonna add
Should it be the
Should the stomper
Should that come from the full employee wheel
Or should it come from just the yak?
Just the yak.
Okay, just the yak.
I didn't really think that one through.
I feel like someone's got to enjoy it.
Yeah, it might be a nice...
I'll provide the grapes.
All different kinds.
Okay.
Let's see.
TJ, get ready to be stomping.
I feel like TJ's feet aren't terrible.
He seems like a clean man.
Yeah.
Eliminator or one-off?
One-off.
Yeah, one-off is fine.
So this person has to do what?
They have to drink the wine you stomp.
They have to drink the grape juice you stomp.
Okay.
Hey.
Aw.
All right. That. All right.
That'll be fun.
This is probably karmic for the pet egg thing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that was terrible.
You get it landed on every single time.
I do?
Yeah.
Yeah, I've been having a tough streak with the wheel.
Yeah.
Who won the pet egg?
My days of the wheel are coming to an end.
That's going to be a relief.
Nobody really wins.
I'm having to come in with planning to bring a change of clothes with me. No episodes where I'm going to an end. That's going to be a relief. Nobody really wins. I'm having to come in with a planning to bring a change of clothes with me.
No episodes where I'm going to have to,
oh shit,
oh today's the day
I have to fucking
do the cinnamon challenge.
And have everyone
get mad at you.
And have everyone get mad.
Infuriated.
People were so mad at you.
Did you not do it big enough?
I watched that.
I did it and I couldn't swallow it physically.
And people were like, you don't know how good you have it.
You take your job for granted.
I was like, dude.
I thought you were joking, and then I looked, and I was like, oh, my God.
I wish my job was just eating cinnamon.
Yeah, you don't know how, and you half-ass it.
I'm like, dude, what did you want me to do?
Like, I tried.
It is the most insane, like, have you ever done it?
I've not.
No.
It's such a weird feeling.
It, like, glues to, like, every crevice of your mouth.
Yeah.
And then it just, like, I didn't realize how much it was going to burn.
Like, burns your mouth.
Does it go all up your nose?
No, I spit it out, but it was, like, hard to even get out of my mouth.
People die doing that challenge, I think.
They choke.
Even with water, I think drinking water with it in my mouth would have made it worse if I tried to swallow it.
Well, isn't a certain amount of cinnamon poisonous or something, too?
If you're eating too much cinnamon, I don't know.
I've seen people getting hurt doing that.
Nick said that what you're supposed to do is just keep it in your mouth and then it turns into a solid and then you chew it.
Pretty disgusting.
Yeah.
It's foul.
What else?
What else do we got?
I don't know. Isn't that it?
I don't know. I got nothing else to do.
Do you guys have to get to a certain amount of time on the show?
No.
It usually just has to be an hour.
Normally people are mad if it's too short,
but that's if Nick and KB and Big Cat are here.
Yeah.
I don't know if they're going to be that mad if we end it.
Might be merciful.
I think they were begging us to end it whenever they left.
They're like, oh, God.
Yeah.
All right, we can end it.
I'm fine with anything.
Let's do it.
Let's not leave until we all get... I don't know.
I got nothing. Alright. Thank you guys. We'll see you guys
tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Bye. um Happy birthday to
Vincenzo's son
Massimo
and Joel
and Sammy who I missed yesterday
and shout out to
John's friend Molly
Goodbye