The Yak - Sas is in the Host Chair, Not at Bachelor Parties | The Yak 7-11-23

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Poor DavidYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Go TJ, pull that up. Hey. What's up, everybody? This is a crew you've seen a million times before in here. It's the old usual. We got. but before we dive into that let's talk about rowback rowback it's about to be summer and there's a better way to spend it than in rowback you guys know how much we love rowback and the only way to describe it is the only way to describe
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Starting point is 00:01:38 fellas good good what's up boys the old yakagami call it. Yeah, we got a hell of a crew today. Yep. What are you guys, how are you guys beating the heat today? It's a scorcher out there. It's Roback. I don't know if that's a rhetorical question, but today I decided that I'm a towel guy. I walk to work, so I'm carrying a towel with me now, a little hand towel. Like a black comedian. Yep, like a comedian.
Starting point is 00:02:06 Like a king of comedy comedian. Yeah, yeah. I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt. That's the fit today. Yeah, that's insane. Covering up. I always feel bad for the guys who get the sweat stains. A sweat stain is fine, but who get the symmetrical sweat stain that looks like a Batman
Starting point is 00:02:21 symbol or that looks like something. I just get under my armpits. You get tit sweat. It's over. I don't think I would get that unless I was sitting down. I think that would be pretty hard to get standing up. It's a tough one. I get my armpits constantly though. It didn't happen until recently. Also my back.
Starting point is 00:02:38 I think my back is never dry. Especially with a backpack. Backpack is tough. Are you a hairy back guy? No, it's just my back sweats a lot. Interesting. Yeah. Kate, where are you sweating?
Starting point is 00:02:50 I'll get some. Earmuffs under my tits. Sweating under there. Under my belly now. No, I don't sweat. I'm not gross. I lay in bed and I sweat the back of the knees. It's the worst.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Hate it. Shins. Yeah, I don't know about shins. Night sweats are like a different type of sweat that is so disgusting. I sweat the back of the knees. It's the worst. Hate it. Shins. Yeah, I don't know about shins. Night sweats are like a different type of sweat that is so disgusting. When you wake up and you're like, I didn't know my, that's when my legs sweat. And I'm like, my legs have never sweat even when I'm running.
Starting point is 00:03:19 But for some reason in the middle of the night, all of a sudden all the sweat glands in my legs decide to fire up. That stress and anxiety tearing you down, brother. Yeah. No, I don't have any of that. Yes, you do. Man. Yeah, I went to LaBarna Den yesterday. Oh, yeah, how was that?
Starting point is 00:03:33 And I finished every single plate that was put before me. Well, that's not that hard. The plates are like, it's like. Small, but we ordered five desserts. We ordered extra of everything because we had the gift card. And afterwards, I picked my son up from daycare and was at the playground. It was like 87 degrees in the hot sun with a belly full of meats. And I got the meat sweats.
Starting point is 00:03:55 I was just like, oh my. I thought I was going to die. That's probably one of the worst sweats you can have is the meat sweats. Meat sweats. I don't think I've ever had the meat sweats. But I will say, after Les Bernard Bernardins we walked back and I was wearing like a like a dress shirt and a jacket and pants and it was like 90 degrees out and that was one of the more difficult walks yeah it was tough also I wasn't very full like the food there is
Starting point is 00:04:17 not very filling I crushed everything so I don't know and I did have a lot of bread we did not people were asking did we break the... And I was shocked too. One, I mentioned it to our waiter. I was like, I'm here because of this other group that came in. And he went for the bread record. And the waiter, I swear to God, his face lit up. And he was like, oh, I remember that day.
Starting point is 00:04:37 He was like pumped about it. And then a couple of the other waiters, because like 50 waiters for your table, came over and they were talking about it. Like that's a day now in LaBernadine history. We had all our waiters and they were all there for Zaw. Zaw was hogging all of them. Oh, yeah. Zaw literally had a pack of 50 dudes around him the entire time.
Starting point is 00:04:56 Actually, if he was there, the one black guy, he's from Zimbabwe. Yeah. At the end, he came over to our table. Yeah. There was just one. We're from like 30 of our families are from like i'd say about 30 minutes 30 minutes to an hour away from each other no way oh i wish i would have known that that i would have mentioned that to him but the bread i thought was going to
Starting point is 00:05:15 be like tiny and that's how big cat did it but it wasn't now big cat actually is honorable with it because there is like you can get like the olive bread and that's very easy to eat but he would mix it up he would have the baguettes and everything. They had like full size. Like each bread was like a big ass. There was like five options and they were huge. And that's when I like gained full respect for Big Cat's bread accomplishment there because I like maxed out at three and a half pieces I think. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:38 You know what I say I don't like about restaurants like that? Like those super fancy restaurants is the wait staff. I feel like they're always there. Yeah, they're hovering. Constantly hovering. I was self-conscious. Someone kept sweeping my crumbs away, and I'm like a crummy lady,
Starting point is 00:05:53 and I started picking my own crumbs and putting them on the plate before the guy could come over. Yeah. You wouldn't understand. We're talking about fancy restaurants. Where's everyone that matters? I know. I don't know. Roan's about fancy restaurants. Where's everyone that matters?
Starting point is 00:06:05 I know. I don't know. Roan's in Africa. KB and Nick are filming something for their documentary. Big Cat's in Chicago, I think. He said he had to go to Chicago for 12 hours. Roan texted us about 20 minutes ago and said,
Starting point is 00:06:22 I am right behind a leopard right now. Then he sent a photo and he I am right behind a leopard right now. And then he sent a photo, and he is indeed right behind a leopard right now. Wow. Out in... Ron went to an African Applebee's, and it had ostrich, crocodile. It wasn't like chicken fingers and riblets.
Starting point is 00:06:38 That was an Applebee's? Yeah. I saw his post about it. I assumed it was like an African restaurant. Right. That's the way to do it, though. Sometimes you've got to go to like a nice American, even though they don't have American food there, right?
Starting point is 00:06:50 I want to know what they have on the walls. Like, is it like local sports teams? What are their tchotchkes? Crocodile. In traditional South African style. Whoa. Rowan said crocodile wasn't good, though. I don't think, it's too chewy.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Yeah, I've never had it. Warthog. Gator, which was good, which I feel like they'd be similar. Yeah, it's too chewy Yeah I've never had it I've had alligator which was good Which I feel like they'd be similar I don't know what the difference is between those two It's pretty gamey I would think It's like an antelope But he said we need to do a yak While we're on a safari
Starting point is 00:07:18 He said it's the highest natural high Would you agree? I loved it I thought it was really cool Zah my family the smokes family kind of wants to go on an african safari do you think if we came to zimbabwe you you could show us around like 2025 or my mom was like oh maybe or my dad my mom's not gonna come my dad was like maybe zach can show us yeah if you're dead serious man he's very serious he's been on
Starting point is 00:07:43 one before and he wants to bring the whole fam. I can stay with my family, do the whole thing. All right. That's awesome. We're 25. My cousin just had a baby, so she needs to get a little older, and then we'll be there. Who's going in the Smokes family? Just you and your dad?
Starting point is 00:07:56 No, me and my dad and a bunch of my cousins on my mom's side. They all really want to go to African Safari. I'm pretty scared. Just animals in general. I feel like I could get eaten. But, you know, I feel like it'd be a cool experience. Everybody speaks very highly of it. And if we're getting the Zah treatment.
Starting point is 00:08:11 What animal do you want to see the most? Tiger. Lion. Are tigers in Africa? I don't even think they are. I don't know. Are they not? Francis?
Starting point is 00:08:24 I'm looking at Zah. I just defer to Zah. They're in like Asia and Russia, Siberia. I think you're right about that. I think you see a lion. You could see a cousin of a tiger. Yeah, I guess lions and tigers, I figure they hang out together. No.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Huh. You're wrong. All right. Well, I have to have a talking to with my father. Yeah. You're in for an experience then, Tommy. It's going to be like a whole new world. That was your top animal.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Top animal. You can see one at a zoo. Yeah, I could see. I don't know. What can I see on as far that I can? Probably have tigers in like the Central Park Zoo. Yeah, they have them at the Bronx Zoo. I've seen them.
Starting point is 00:08:56 I saw two tigers fucking at the San Diego Zoo. The big five are the ones you want to see. What are they? Okay. The big five, I think, are, I think it The big five I think are I think it's elephant. I think it's lion. I think it's leopard.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I think it's rhino. And I think it might be giraffe. I don't think it's giraffe. Really? Because like giraffes are so plentiful. It's like pigeons there. Someone needs to look this up. I've seen a. Really? Because giraffes are so plentiful. It's like pigeons there. Someone needs to look this up.
Starting point is 00:09:27 I've seen a giraffe. They have giraffes. What's the one remaining giraffe? You're almost there. Gorillas? No. Wait, wait, wait. It's another cat.
Starting point is 00:09:33 Cheetah? No. Aguar? It's not a cat. Oh, is it wildebeest? You're getting closer. No. Bigger.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Kudu? I didn't even know all these animals. What are these? What? This is Lord of the Rings animals. Buffalo. A wildebeest? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:52 A buffalo? Yeah, buffalo. Oh, fuck buffalo. Those are the five you want to see. Big five. That's awesome. It's like the big four in sports. Elephant would be cool.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Rhino would be fucking nuts. Rhino was awesome. African buffalo. We saw one black rhino. What happened to Roan is very rare. There's like professionals that go their whole entire life and don't actually get to see a leopard in the wild. Oh, really? Yeah, it's very rare.
Starting point is 00:10:17 They're very shy. You know when people are watching them and they hide. Yeah, and then they stalk you. I don't know. Maybe. They do. Why? That's what all wild cats do. They love a good stalk.
Starting point is 00:10:29 How do you get so much conviction? It's true. You can look it up. I've probably watched like a 7 minute 30 second video about it. It's true. I'm with you, Sass. I think even domesticated quote unquote cats stalk you.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Dogs, there's so much... They try to stalk you, Sass. I think even domesticated, quote-unquote, cats stalk you. They stalk you. Dogs, there's so much. Dogs try to stalk you, but they're too sloppy. We've domesticated the beast out of them, and cats we haven't done so much with. It's because they're so small that we don't really need to fully domesticate them. Sass and I smoked so much weed before we started this. I know mountain lions stalk you big time. They say that if you see a mountain lion It has probably been looking at you
Starting point is 00:11:08 For like three hours before There's that video of the runner that turned around And there's a mountain lion And you had to run at it I took balls I could never do that, I'd just lay down Oh that's insane We go to this tiny little zoo in North Jersey
Starting point is 00:11:23 And in the leopard hangout area It's a leopard and a golden retriever. And they're like best buddies, and they're always snuggled up together. Che, have you seen it? Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a cheetah. Oh, it's a cheetah. A cheetah and a golden retriever, and they live together in the same pen. That feels like that's going to end.
Starting point is 00:11:39 And they're like always snuggled up, and they like play together. I've seen them. They seem like good buddies. Tragic news story. Especially because golden retrievers are dumb. Golden retrievers are probably going to start playing with the cheetah a little too much. They'll just die. They probably swap the golden retriever out every morning.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Have a new one every week. The dead golden retriever out from the zoo. Put a new one in. Francis, how was your break? It was nice. Went to upstate New York? Yeah, I was up in the Hudson Valley Did you do any fishing?
Starting point is 00:12:10 No, but we went to a waterfall That you were not technically supposed to swim in But there were lots of people swimming And just sort of ducked under the rope And hoped that the warden wouldn't come along And he didn't And we had a really nice time What does the warden wouldn't come along, and he didn't. And we had a really nice time. What does the warden do if he catches you?
Starting point is 00:12:29 I think he scolds you. Gives you spankings? Scolds you, yeah. Scolding. Scolding is not fun. It's not fun to get scolded. I was scolded once by a neighbor of mine because I was out by the water, and he said, the harbor master doesn't like to come pick up little boys in the water at night.
Starting point is 00:12:46 And I was like, I don't think I'm going to drown in the water. I'm just hanging out here. You guys ever been scolded? I think worse than getting scolded is an adult. Scolding as an adult is mortifying. I was scoldmocked yesterday on the subway. Really?
Starting point is 00:13:01 Yeah. You tell. I was embarrassed, though. Yeah, it's an mortifying i'm embarrassed to tell this you scolded someone and then they're like safe space the subway was pulling in to the station and a woman was standing to my left but i wasn't paying attention to her because i was reading and oh you're one of those guys i was i read, I play with my hair, kind of. I just sort of, I don't know, absentmindedly twirl my hair. And I think I picked my nose, and then I went back to twirling my hair.
Starting point is 00:13:36 And she goes, picks his nose and then puts it in his hair. That's tough. And said that, like commentated on what had happened and i i was i was so startled and then i i just to try to deflect i started laughing like uh mockingly at her i went and then she started laughing back to top me and i go if you think that's gross you must not have lived here very long and she goes you can keep that oh man what does that even mean yeah i don't know i feel like she won though i feel like it sounds like she definitely won oh yeah no i i because i didn't stop thinking about what i should have said to her for a few hours. How was the rest
Starting point is 00:14:26 of the car reacting? Nobody else was looking at me and judging. I have seen people urinate on toddlers. On them. Like on the internet? On
Starting point is 00:14:39 the subway. Is that what you're watching? On a Saturday morning, there was a family sitting on one of the benches at the end, and then another guy on the opposite side, a homeless guy, and he was asleep. And then all of a sudden he, like, startled awake, rushed to get his pants down and started peeing,
Starting point is 00:15:02 and it splashed onto the little girl across the street. You got to go. And I was referencing something like that. I was like, if you think what I've just done here is revolting. You said this to her? No, I didn't. You thought about saying it. No, I said, if you think that's gross, you must not have lived here very long.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Oh, okay. And that's what I was referring to. Yeah. that's gross you must not have lived here okay and that's what i was referring to yeah that that's something that you saw on the subway that made you think oh god i need to tell this person off yeah because there's a lot of rogue dick out there i've seen some far worse i haven't really seen anything crazy on the subway i'm always seeing videos of like shootings and fights i don't really see much i had a guy jerking it next to me and i felt nothing inside i was like all right i didn't even move i was like okay and a guy on the bus tried touching my feet um he asked first he said can i touch your feet and part of me was
Starting point is 00:15:59 like should i just say yes i don't know and he And he was like, that's my thing is like whatever. Jerry? Yes. Yes, it was. But I ultimately decided no. And he was fine about it. He was fine about it. But he did ask.
Starting point is 00:16:13 I would have just assumed he had a really good reason for why he had to touch my feet and just let him probably touch my feet. He was asking all the women on the bus. He was the mom in Tangled. He was like, if I touch your feet, it'll reverse my age. You guys ever seen Tangled? Nope. Nope. No?
Starting point is 00:16:30 That's how it is. Jerry mocked me. I was having breakfast with him, and we started talking about his work as an electrician. Because he was in the electrical union. Yeah. And he said that all that stuff's super easy. You can just learn it on YouTube. That's how I learned it.
Starting point is 00:16:50 And I said, ah, no way, man. That stuff's hard. And he goes, you ever have to hang a TV? And I said, no, I always hire a task rabbit to do that. He goes, that's easy. You got to learn how to do that. He mocked me for it. Yeah. That is like a blue-collar thing, though. You got to know how to do stuff. He goes, that's easy. You gotta learn how to do that. He mocked me for it. That is like a blue collar thing though. You gotta know how to do stuff.
Starting point is 00:17:08 He knows all of it. He can build a home. You could hang a TV. Well, I could probably hang it, but I don't know if I could hide the wires. Ah, that sounds easy as fuck. What's the biggest masculine project you've
Starting point is 00:17:23 tackled? Fixing a car Has got to be the most Masculine thing you can do Yeah that's big I feel special When I put windshield Wiper fluid in my car Yeah
Starting point is 00:17:31 At the rest stop I'm like people are Looking at me like I know my stuff I had a buddy in high school Who like would like Change our oil and shit Wow
Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah I've always wanted to do that I feel like it'd be a big mess Yeah it probably is And he also would I remember my AC broke and he fixed that. How old was this kid? My age.
Starting point is 00:17:50 In high school? Yeah. He just knew how to do all that shit. Trade kids are hilarious. Yeah, they know their shit. They know everything. A good career path. How long is trade school? Like two years? Why are you looking at me?
Starting point is 00:18:06 I don't know. I assume someone would know everything. People do love talking about that. They're like, just don't go to college and just learn a trade. It's a big thing out there. Yeah, and then everyone is like, no, I'm not going to do that. That sounds fucking stupid. And then all those kids end up making a shit ton of money.
Starting point is 00:18:22 So much money. Everyone down the Jersey Shore, like all the houses next to our little shack, all the mega mansions, it was all owned. They were all owned by like contractors, like construction contractors. Plumbers, electricians. Plumbers, electricians. Yep. Mm-hmm. I wish I could build my own house, like out west.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Yeah. Yeah. There are a lot of people that do that. They just build a house. Jerry needs a little help, but he knows what's what in building a home. Yeah. There are a lot of people that do that. They just build a house. Jerry needs a little help, but he knows what's what in building a home. Yeah. And therefore, you don't get fucked. You don't have some guy come in and say,
Starting point is 00:18:54 eh, gutters, that'll be $30,000. You know what I mean? Yeah. He knows. When me and my wife were going to buy our current house we live in right now, like several years ago, I told her, I was like, should we just both quit our jobs and just build a house? And it was declined pretty quickly.
Starting point is 00:19:15 But that was a thought in my head. Like, these are so expensive. Let's just fucking build it. Well, you used to sell like Sears. You used to sell like a kit that would get mailed to your, like, whatever. It would be like five Connex boxes, and you and your family would assemble your house. They're like cool ass houses. How many people here?
Starting point is 00:19:29 I swear to God, it's like a thing. You don't want to have a Sears house. Red Dead Redemption? No. No, you could have like order a house in a catalog and then like mail it to them. Yeah, that's what it was. You would order like a house in a catalog and they were like sweet ass houses. Is it those like tiny houses that are like 40 G's at like Home Depot that like can go in your backyard basically?
Starting point is 00:19:46 No, they're like whole ass houses. Like nice ass houses. I have a feeling this is not a, is that still a big thing? You just go to Home Depot and just buy a house? I saw one a couple weeks ago. Where's the house aisle? It's like, no, it's a tiny house. Like it's a, one of these like, pretty much.
Starting point is 00:20:02 But it has enough stuff where it could be a house and you just it's fully built and you go I want that one well I saw the thing now I think it was like 44k at Costco
Starting point is 00:20:13 it was a tweet that was like Costco sells houses going like somewhere around like a month ago you get the hot dog samples and a house
Starting point is 00:20:19 I guess we'll buy a house while we're here what was that other thing on our list shampoo, conditioner and a house while we're here. What was that other thing on our list? Shampoo, conditioner, and a house. Did Costco ever sell guns? Were they one of those? Probably in the right parts of the country.
Starting point is 00:20:34 I know Walmart sells guns. Do they still? I don't know if they still do. Probably. Dick's sold guns forever. The one by my hometown sold guns forever, but I don't think they do anymore. Now they sell BB guns and shit. Bought a.22 rifle from a Walmart Yeah
Starting point is 00:20:46 Killed a groundhog with it Damn .22 rifles are not that crazy though, right? No, no Like basically like a pellet gun I could probably shoot you in the head point blank Yeah, and I'd just walk it off No, no
Starting point is 00:20:58 I shot my first One of my first guns recently What'd you shoot? I think his name was David. No, kidding, kidding. I didn't understand that at all. I was saying I shot a person. I laughed so politely right in his eyes.
Starting point is 00:21:14 I forget what I did. I shot a gun on Barstool Outdoors. What gun was it? It was a big, it was a legit rifle. Like a shotgun? I think it might have been an AR-15, to be honest. Tommy, did you say i shot my first gun its name was david you said his name let's move past it i shot a gun i shot an ar-15
Starting point is 00:21:32 were you saying that like i shot a person named shot like i shot a person i think we were confused yeah i said it's instead of his that's right yeah yeah yeah because then we thought you'd named the gun right right right oh but it still wouldn't. Because then we thought you'd named the gun. Right, right, right. Oh, but it still wouldn't have made sense even if you said his. Well, if I said I shot a per- whatever.
Starting point is 00:21:48 The implication was that I shot a person. Yeah, but we don't- we don't traffic an implication. Yeah, yeah. No, look, I fucked that up. I fucked that up and now I'm going to leave at 145.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Were you good at shooting guns or were you kind of a person? No, I really didn't feel comfortable holding it. Even- I took a picture that I couldn't even post because if I hold the gun, I look like a school shooter.
Starting point is 00:22:08 I don't look like a cool hunter when I hold the gun. Me and Mook shot guns together. It's like I'm heading to an elementary school. I was a natural. I had to wrap my arms around Mook and show him how to hold the gun. You were too good. Like a boyfriend teaching a girl how to play pool.
Starting point is 00:22:23 You were too good with that gun. Here's how it would have worked. Awesome with it. I shot a gun recently. What'd you shoot? His name was David. Right. But that wouldn't make sense because no one would ask, what did you shoot?
Starting point is 00:22:35 If we were wondering what type of gun he had shot. Oh, yes, yes, yes. What did you shoot? Somebody asked, what did you shoot? Oh, I don't think anyone did, which is why you wanted that. Yeah, maybe I wanted that. I thought somebody, I could have sworn somebody said, what did you shoot? Oh, I don't think anyone did, which is why you wanted that. Yeah, maybe I wanted that. I thought somebody, I could have sworn somebody said, where did you shoot? Maybe we'll have to run that back.
Starting point is 00:22:49 All right, we'll run it back. Let's let that go. Let's breeze over that one. I'm having a hard time moving on. You shoot guns. Have you ever shot guns, Francis? Yes. What kinds?
Starting point is 00:22:59 Lots. What did you shoot? The biggest one you ever shot. I load. No, we were at the Nashville Armory. Okay. And we shot, you know, a fully automatic, I think it was a fully automatic Uzi. Oh.
Starting point is 00:23:21 You know, just. There's like bachelor parties you can go on in Texas on ranches where they're like, come on down, we got a 50-cow hooked to the roof of the Jeep. Yeah, Billy shot an RPG in some country. He shot it into a cow. Yeah. He said it was really devastating. Cambodia.
Starting point is 00:23:37 The cow exploded into a billion pieces. Wait, what? Wait, what? Yeah, Spilly football. Cows in like Cambodia and Laos, I think. Spend like $500, they'll let you shoot a rocket launcher. To a cow. At a cow, at a real one, just walking around?
Starting point is 00:23:50 Yeah. They're overpopulated. Yeah, there's a lot of cows. There's a lot of cows out there. I love cows. I'm a big cow guy. I've eaten them too, though. Not the highland cows, though.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Those ones are too cute to eat. The real fuzzy ones. The real fuzzy ones, yeah. I saw a picture of a Not the highland cows though. Those ones are too cute to eat. The real fuzzy ones. The real fuzzy ones, yeah. I saw a picture of like a really cute highland cow and all the comments were like talking about how cute it was
Starting point is 00:24:12 and then this one dude commented and said can we find this? This is good. It is. He said looks like future steak on my plate
Starting point is 00:24:23 and then everyone was commenting and being like I hope you're fucking kidding and then he said looks like future steak on my plate and then everyone was commenting I hope you're fucking kidding and then he said oh yeah my grill is just getting ready right now with a fire emoji people were so mad at him but I was cracking up I liked the comment also the picture was fake it was an AI cow
Starting point is 00:24:40 they're AIing cows now to make them cuter than they already are. Anyone else? Anyone else have anything to say? I said I tried to. I said, this AI shit. That's not going to be enough, though. Let somebody else take the ball. Anything to talk about. This AI shit.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Oh, I tell you. Something like that. And then somebody would have picked up on that. Oh, a story they recently had. No, my dad lost his job to AI. AI is not going to be anything, so we don't have to worry about that. Anyone else? I feel like we're always afraid of technology.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Like back when the radio was coming out, everyone's like, it's the devil. The radio waves are going to ruin us all. And then it was fine. And then whenever TV came out, they said the same thing. And it's fine. I'm not worried about AI because AI can never do what I'm doing right now. Right.
Starting point is 00:25:31 And AI can never produce the magic that I'm producing. Can't capture lightning in a bottle. No. AI can never talk about it. AI can never. I should leave a joke. Yeah, no. I'd love to see ChatGBT just attempt to come up with a joke of that caliber.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Have you ever asked ChatGBT to write a joke? No. They're pretty bad. I use ChatGBT almost exclusively to ask things about myself. I say, who is Tommy Smokes? I say, tell me a story about Tommy. It's fun, I think, because I'm a narcissist, but I like to hear stories. Does it know who you are?
Starting point is 00:26:02 Yeah, kind of. It's getting better. Can you tell us about um frankie's wedding yeah it was lovely uh i want to hear about it um it was just a very good long island wedding a great cocktail hour a lot of great shrimp um how many guests was it like a massive was it on a golf i don't it was uh it was on a on beth page golf course oh nice yeah i don't. It was on Bethpage Golf Course. Oh, nice. Yeah. If I had to guess, maybe 200, 250 guests. Wow. Damn.
Starting point is 00:26:28 That's a big wedding. A big wedding. A lot of people from the office there. Yep. Yeah. You didn't get invited? I thought you and Frankie were friends. I didn't get invited.
Starting point is 00:26:36 And do you know why? Why? I think it's because the three years that I spent being fired was lost bonding time that Frankie and I would have used to solidify the sort of friendship one needs to get an invite to the wedding. Yeah, I think you were on pace. I was in a good spot. You think his wife was like, wait, is that the guy that wrote about fucking you? Maybe not him. Yeah, she loved it. wrote about fucking you maybe maybe not him yeah she yeah probably um but yeah i think that i truly
Starting point is 00:27:07 think that if i had not not been fired i would have been at that wedding did you say anything to him to be like oh when's that wedding to poke at an invite uh i had a pretty good idea that it was coming um but he was pretty vague about it right um. Kind of made me think that maybe I was like a round two. Like a surprise guest. We're waiting on... From what I heard, he never even mentioned your name. We're waiting on some cancellations, and maybe I'm on the bubble, that kind of a thing.
Starting point is 00:27:39 I had asked him multiple times who from the office is invited. Truly never heard your name once. Tommy, you got to get fucking married. Your whole crew is fucking married. Your whole crew's fucking married. How does that feel? Who else am I cruising with? Everyone that you got hired with, they're all engaged and married. Moneyballs is married?
Starting point is 00:27:53 To the game, yeah. Yeah, no, I don't think I need to get married yet. Like you and Trent, you're just on the outskirts. I mean, me and Trent, we're fucking dogs. We're fucking wild boys. We can't be tamed. You get no puss. Please.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Zero. Zass are you here for the summer of 22? Summer of Tommy yeah. Wait are you wearing the super long chain right now? I am yeah. Speaking of.
Starting point is 00:28:18 What's the explanation behind it? It's just the length of the chain my aunt and uncle bought for me. Got it for me when I graduated high school. And I only take it off, speaking of, for sexual intercourse because otherwise it will hit the girl in the face.
Starting point is 00:28:32 I was going to say, that's a dangler. That's a real in-your-face. Never been a chain guy. Never really understood them. What is the significance of that? Is it a religious one? Yeah, it's got a Saint Mariana. A big religious guy.
Starting point is 00:28:44 I mean, it's Saint M. Every single dude is wearing Jesus chains, and none of them are religious. I feel like a lot of Italian guys wear it. It's like a horn kind of deal. Yeah, yeah. What is that? I want to snatch all of those chains. It's for a specific place in Italy.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Okay. With a T, I forget. I'm going to lose my Italian card for not knowing this. But you're Jewish. Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. Wow. forget. I'm going to lose my Italian card for not knowing this. But you were Jewish. Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. You know I'm Italian. You knew that. Didn't.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Everyone knows that. Frankie's wedding was good. Did anybody get too drunk? Did anybody like... Yeah, what was the... Who was the woe of the wedding? The Islanders wanted to rip my shirt off. Apparently that's a thing at the wedding. They're the the islanders they rip everybody's dress shirts off and lose the
Starting point is 00:29:28 buttons yeah but i had just bought that shirt for men's warehouse for 59.99 about five days prior and i was not ready to give up uh that shirt so i said i'll just unbutton it for you just let me go in the corner unbutton this for you and we could tell everyone ripped it off but i don't want to lose any of my buttons um and yeah so you they do they put the hand in the pocket and rip it i think they start from the top middle and then they just rip rip it across i mean if those were rented tuxedos my god i don't know how that's gonna work yeah they'll probably have paying a fine but the islanders remain as long as the boys got to rough house as long as the boys got to rough house i'm sure they had a good time. I saw Mr. Borelli was lifted up in the air, live fan.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Nobody had a video of it, but when the mom and dad of the groom come out, like the introduction, he had a little pizza dough in his hand that he was spinning up. Oh, cool. By the way, wedding tip to anyone. The groom lift and the bride lift and the father of the groom, whatever, fathers, mothers, if they want, is a really fun thing. I would highly recommend
Starting point is 00:30:35 if anyone is attending a wedding, whether they want it or not, pick them up, toss them up a bunch of times. You got to do that. It's the electric moment of the wedding, I think. I'll try that this weekend. I'm going to a wedding this weekend.
Starting point is 00:30:50 I'm in it, and I can't wait. Just go to the mom and start trying to lift her. Come on, guys, let's do this. Yeah, lift your mom. Just try it. So I'm in this wedding, and the person that I matched with on the bride's side, she was like, I'm so excited to do an entrance.
Starting point is 00:31:05 I am dreading this wedding. What is the most basic entrance I can do to still get away with it? You could chug a drink. Everyone loves that. Oh my God, he's drinking. Oh my God, he's fucking drinking. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:31:18 That's a big thing. All right, that's easy. People go crazy for people drinking. Oh my God, he's drinking that beer. People think it's the coolest thing ever. And then I finish and be like, I work for Barstool! Yeah, yeah. Sounds awesome. Alright, okay.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Feel better now. Some real goofballs wheel themselves in on the bellhop cart. Is this like a thing? There's an entrance? Weddings have everyone hop each other. I hate it. I hate it. I did nothing. Why would I walk into the room and be like, hey, everyone, look at me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:47 I'm friends with this guy. You got to show off. I've seen the wheelbarrow where the girl holds the guy by the feet and he comes in on his hands. That's not happening. I'm not doing that. The Willy Wonka flip. I've seen some good. I do that.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I'm going to my first wedding in two weekends. You've never been to a wedding. Never been. That's pathetic. As an adult, all my friends are just. That's kind of weekends. You've never been to a wedding? Never been. That's pathetic. As an adult, all my friends are just... That's kind of pathetic. I've never been to a wedding either. Yeah, fuck you, Tommy.
Starting point is 00:32:10 What? I don't know anyone that's not married. How have you guys never been to weddings? Ever. Tommy, you're like... My generation got married young and dumb. How old are you, Tommy? 37?
Starting point is 00:32:18 27. Yeah, you're old as shit. I've been to 11 weddings, but by the time I was your age, I'd been to five, six weddings. Tommy, we're from an older generation that believes in love. These kids are just swiping Tinder, looking for friends. How would I know any? I don't know. None of my friends are getting married.
Starting point is 00:32:32 You're not an aunt and uncle? A cousin ever got married when you were a kid? I have no... All my cousins are my age. Yeah. He's a lot younger. Still, I'd been to five, six weddings by the time I was 22. I might have been as well.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Yeah. You've been to six weddings by the time you were 22? Yeah, I just wrote down a list, actually, the other day of all the weddings. That's so insane. That is something that you would do, though. Try and brag about how many weddings you've been to. I knew just in case this moment came. How much money you have to spend to go to weddings. This is the first time this list has seen action.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Yeah, so by the time I was 22, I had been to six weddings. Tommy. That's really weird that you know that. That's very weird. Based on your friendship with Frankie, what is the monetary value of the gift you intend to give? I just wrote him a check.
Starting point is 00:33:21 How much? How much? I don't know. Should I say? Yes. $300? That's good. Oh! That's good. That's very it's very good that's a nice kid broke as hell that's nice 300 that's a solid guess good that's a good number i mean it's great yeah that is nothing tommy after all frank i don't
Starting point is 00:33:37 know if you opened it yet but that's what you got a check for three hundred dollars how much you think dave gave him i don't know gave He gave him like a... I'll tell you. Imagine more than $300. The $300 check makes the $200 check look pathetic. Yeah. I mean, even some people go $250, and I say, you know what? New Pitchy's all right. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:33:57 It's not $300. $300 is beefy. Yeah. That's a beef. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I would go like $1,000 at least. He wouldn't i would you just said broke as hell when tommy said he gave three hundred dollars yeah that's why i would do a thousand dollars there's no way you oh and tommy's broke as hell how many weddings are you well you've never been to one i'm the first one i've got go to i'll probably do anywhere between one and ten thousand yeah i want to be the big baller i want to be the one that everyone's like holy shit you can't give me this. And I'll be like, come on, man. Everybody gets the same
Starting point is 00:34:27 thank you note, pal. Not if you give $10,000. You don't. Yeah, pretty sure they're going to write you a nice thank you note that is one of the 200 they write. And by which point their hands are tired and they've run out of ideas. Thank you notes are a little, we got to get rid of that. Every like baby shower,
Starting point is 00:34:44 bridal shower, wedding gift I give, I include in the note, do not send me a thank you note. That's also part of the gift. You do not have to thank me for this because it's such a pain in the ass. It's a good idea. I like to send back your welcome notes after I get a thank you note. Your welcome. And then keep it going forever and ever.
Starting point is 00:35:00 This wedding is going to break me financially though. Gift, suit. Isn't it like a destinational wedding? No, I had a destination wedding and it got canceled a month before. Oh, yeah. Pulled it off. Whoa. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Where was that wedding? Somewhere like Rosemary Beach, Florida. Oh, that's a destination wedding? I guess. You're going to Florida? I don't know. Yeah. They're all from Philly.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Broke ass. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't even call California a destination wedding. I don't think I'm being... That is a destination wedding. I don't think I'm being an idiot here. You have to fly. If everyone from the area has to fly to a different state, that's a destination wedding.
Starting point is 00:35:34 But everybody invited, theoretically, is coming from a different place. No. I'm sure most of the people are from where you live. Different situation. Sure. Yeah. I had a cousin get married down the Jersey Shore in the fall. And we're all, instead of our usual family Philly wedding, and everyone was like, oh.
Starting point is 00:35:50 So they rented beach houses. Everyone stayed and made it. It was like an hour away. And they made it a destination. Everyone's bawling out at motels and shit. Yeah. It's very exciting. What did that say?
Starting point is 00:36:01 Can you pull that up again? It says a location away from your hometown. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Then I'm wrong. It's very exciting. What did that say? Can you pull that up again? It says a location away from your hometown. Oh, okay. Then I'm wrong. But boy, you know, I would say that we live in New York. A couple in New York decides to get married in like Austin. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:16 To me, that's not. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like New York's different though. I feel like Philly, like everyone that lives in Philly is from Philly. Yeah. Like a large amount of people. When everyone's from New York, none of us are from New York. Yeah, it's all transplants.
Starting point is 00:36:28 I am. The Long Islanders. Nah, no you're not. Wait, they called the wedding, was it like a dramatic thing or was it just like a... It was dramatic. They already had the bachelor party. Yeah. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:36:37 Didn't you drop like two racks on the bachelor party? I can't even get into it. Oh. But now he's marrying someone else? Yeah. They just called it off. Where was... What wedding are wedding are you going this is a separate wedding oh okay it was the bachelor miami oh you spent two grand on that i can't talk about it literally i'm like i'm applying to lap dances applying to like apartments in chicago right now and i'm just like looking at my bank statements having to submit it and i'm just like I need that two grand back. Oh god.
Starting point is 00:37:05 It's brutal. That's devastating. But the wedding next weekend Was it at least fun? Was the bachelor party fun? Yeah it was fun. It was a good time. How many people were there?
Starting point is 00:37:13 Like 12. Oh. Does anyone know televisions? Speaking of money. Yeah. What about it? What should I spend
Starting point is 00:37:21 on a TV these days? They're so cheap. I just got mine. Mine's 50 inches. It was like probably 300 bucks. Okay. Even that is almost high. I think you get one for like 200.
Starting point is 00:37:30 I'm looking at a, I want a 65 incher. Probably like 600. Okay. 500, 600. That's the first thing you're going to watch on them. I mean, you could get one for like 200. I don't know. You excited about sports?
Starting point is 00:37:41 You just excited about football? I think actually, yeah. Yeah. That is what I'm excited about. Sports just look so much better. I love watching sports. Oh, yeah, dude. You're chugging beer. Just like the $300 to the $200, I think we have room for a 75-incher.
Starting point is 00:37:57 And my wife said no. I think the difference between 75 inches and 65 inches is pretty huge. It's massive. Especially because they don't measure it from length. It's diagonal. I think the difference between 55 and 65 is whatever, but I think going from 65 to 75
Starting point is 00:38:18 is really substantial. How big is this? It's got to be a Hyundai. That's about a 46. One behind SAS. I don't think that's a Hyundai. Is that a Hyundai? I's got to be a Hyundai. That's about a 46. One behind SAS. I don't think that's a Hyundai. Is that a Hyundai? No, that's not a Hyundai. I think that's a 65er.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I don't think that's a 75. That's not a 65. That's probably a 65 piece. That might be a 65. 55 to 46. Yeah, I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go with 65 on that one. I think it's a 65. Do we have a measuring tape measure?
Starting point is 00:38:41 I'm going 90. You definitely don't need to get the measuring tape. I'm going 90. I don't know. We got nothing else. There's no way. You're doing a terrible job as Big Cat. We miss him.
Starting point is 00:38:49 I'm going to go ahead and say I'm going to decline the measuring tape. I'll throw a 7.2. I'll throw a 7.2 on that. I'm putting an end to that. Get the 75 for sure. I want the 75, but she's worried it will dominate the room. You know what? I didn't realize how big a 75 or like a 65 inch tv
Starting point is 00:39:05 was and i wanted to get a tv that day i was in my apartment i was like i want a tv now so i was gonna go to best buy and get a tv and they're like oh you can do curbside pickup and get a 65 inch tv and then i didn't get it and i ended up just amazon ordering a 50 inch tv and that came and i was i struggled to bring it up to my apartment which is on the second floor and I was like I'm so fucking happy I did not walk to Best Buy to carry home a 65 inch TV like the massive box yeah yeah can't even get that in like an uber no I don't know what I would have done it would have been more I would have just been standing outside of Best Buy for like an hour trying to figure out what to do you got to to go big on the TV though. I think so.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Figure it out better. I got like one that size and I got one that size. Gaming TV. That's my gaming TV. And that's my big TV. Yeah. Francis, what should I gift my boy though? He's like a friend. For what? For his wedding. We're like
Starting point is 00:40:01 not that close. This is not the wedding that was cancelled. It's the one you went to the bachelor party for. Did not go to this bachelor party? For his wedding. We're like not that close. This is not the wedding that- Separate wedding. Was canceled. It's the one you went to the bachelor party for. Did not go to this bachelor party. The third wedding. Second. Second. Well, first.
Starting point is 00:40:12 First, I'm going to be attending second wedding that I'm invited to. Are they already pretty well off? They are doing very well. Did you go to the bachelor party for this wedding? No. Oh. It was another Miami bachelor party, and I was like, I can't put out two grand and risk this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:28 So, I don't know. I think you – 150? I was going to say 150. That's what I had in my head. Yeah, 150. I'd say 150 is very generous. If you don't know him that well – About half of what I gave Frankie.
Starting point is 00:40:43 We grew up together, but we don't stay in touch. I think based on... Not in the wedding. I think he probably knows that's a lot for you. Okay. And that's all that matters, right? He's not going to say, well, wow, Mook just bought a boat and he only gave us $150. He's going to be like, Mook's not doing well and shelled out $150.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Mook couldn't come to and shelled out $150. Mook couldn't come to my bachelor party for financial reasons. This $150 probably hurt him. Yeah, it's going to stay. Isn't Miami one of the most expensive cities? I would think that it's more a bachelorette party place than bachelor party place. Miami is such a feminine city.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Yeah, the betas. I would go to, I don't know where my bachelor party would be. Probably, I think I'd do Vegas. Just classic. I would want to go somewhere like in the woods, like outdoors. I could see that for you. Telluride. Yeah, you're not fancy.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Yeah, I've been to Telluride. Telluride's nice. The oxygen there kind of fucks with me, though. I was just in a bachelor party, and we went to the NFL draft. This kid was like a huge like nfl scout dude would always like do little scout cards for nfl players back in high school honestly che and my friend would talk for for days about scouting stuff uh but it was it was awesome going to the nfl draft that was pretty fun i had no expectations but it was cool so
Starting point is 00:42:01 fall out boy fall boy did a concert great. A little something for everybody there. I've been to several NFL drafts. For that, is your bachelor party stinks? No, no, no. That's awful. I mean, I'm sure that's not the whole bachelor party. Yeah, no. We did a lot of other stuff.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Did you guys go to every day? All three days? The first round. And then round two and three, we kind of walked through, but we did other stuff. I mean, that's the first night, though. Bachelor parties don't even start on the Wednesday night, so it's a bonus. All right, I got a question. Wait, hold on, let me do this ad first.
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Starting point is 00:43:02 especially at the pool lake beach golf and, golf, and tailgating. It's the perfect drink for the summer. I added that in. A little ad lib. Call to act. Oh, I can't read that part. Look for them on Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store. Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Go get yourself some high noons. Summer is coming to an end fast. I'll be the first to say it, so don't forget to enjoy your summer. I have to go do the rundown. Should I send somebody else in? No. Don't send anybody else in? Honestly, we're getting rid of some dead weight now, which is a good thing.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Last thing we need is more of that. Go try that David joke on the phone. That one was. I actually caught the joke. I liked it. I hated it. I liked it. I hated everything about it.
Starting point is 00:43:51 I knew where he was going. We all knew what he was trying to do. It was so clunky. It was so uncomfortable. I think we were all just like, all right, let's just sweep that under the rug and move on. That's Tommy. That's the essence of Tommy, which I enjoy.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Probably like when your three-year-old brings you a picture and says, look what I drew for you. And you're like, oh. And you have to decipher a little bit because you don't want to hurt their feelings. We're still proud of them. It's you. That blob is you. Oh. Oh, an orca whale.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Here's my question that I wanted to ask. So let's say that you have a group of seven or eight to ten very, very close friends, all of whom are the same age. And one after another, you guys get into your 30s and everyone gets married and the first people have these really big bachelor parties big weddings and you kind of go all out right because you have the energy but as you kind of continue through the group your energy recedes and by the wedding seven and eight it's it's a chore it's like Groundhog's Day a little. The only reason you even go is because they're a very close friend. By what person in a group of that size do you think, would any of you say, that they shouldn't even have a bachelor party anymore?
Starting point is 00:45:26 Probably never. Does everyone have a bachelor party anymore. Probably never. Does everyone deserve a bachelor party? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't have one. Because it gets harder, too, once people start having kids and all that shit. It gets harder and harder and harder.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Because I didn't want to burden people. Do you regret it? No. No? Is every one of them in Vegas or the same location? Because generally you're going to get some Vegas, some Miami, some Nashville. They all require a flight, let's say, or a hotel room and a long weekend. I like seeing my friends, so I would be fine with everyone having a black Friday.
Starting point is 00:46:04 It's an excuse to go hang out with your old friends. I don't even want your opinion because you are too young. I would be pissed if all of my friends had a bachelor party and then when my bachelor party came around they were like, we don't think you get one. It wouldn't say that.
Starting point is 00:46:19 We're a little burned out. We already did all of ours. We don't really want to do yours. I think what happened was in my friend group, one of my friends didn't have one. And I think part of the reason was that he was having a wedding that was in Italy. And he was like, I don't want to ask everyone to travel twice for me. And then once he set that tone, and then by that point, a couple of the guys from the early side had had kids.
Starting point is 00:46:49 It just, it was, there was an implication that, you know. They sound not fun. Yeah. Yeah. I was like,
Starting point is 00:46:57 you're rolling with the whack. The early bachelor parties were nuts. Yeah. Nuts. I mean, and then you just lose. No. Jay, back me up here. I doubt it. Yeah. I mean, I mean, and then you just lose. Jay, back me up.
Starting point is 00:47:06 I doubt it. Yeah. I mean, I understand like the moment that you're in, but like, I'm also on the, how old are you? 34.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Okay. So I'm 37. You do feel a little worse about party drugs once you have kids. Oh, you found it. I was in the like territory where it's like, it kind of loses some of its luster, but now I'm like,
Starting point is 00:47:24 damn, somebody, but that's because Frankie Borelli invited me touster. But now I'm like, damn, somebody. But that's because Frankie Borelli invited me to his bachelor party. I'm like, yeah, let's fucking go wherever you want. I think that's because you don't have the- When the sales team has a going out party, Che comes in wearing a tight V-neck t-shirt and cowboy boots. Talking to the wrong guy. I think it's a density thing then,
Starting point is 00:47:44 because you're not facing the same density now and you have as they said now you look forward to seeing your friends again yeah it's not like three bachelor parties in a summer there is a there's a point where it loses its luster but you never like don't if it's a good friend like i would never not go you always go you always go but before you go some of them you're like man do i really want to go to charleston do i really want to go to nashville for the fourth time and do the fucking honky-tonk bullshit it's kind of like sometimes you know how like new year's eve at least when i was younger it would get like built up as this crazy party night and beforehand the expectations would be so high for whatever crazy plan you made like for a fancy party or you'd pay like 200 bucks for whatever and then it never kind of lived up to it and so it was always
Starting point is 00:48:34 kind of a disappointing night and i feel like certain bachelorette parties that i've gone to that have like in the most expensive most planned out ones for the least fun kind of and the most fun ones i've had have just been like down the jersey shore like super low-key not crazy dressed up not a ton of money just getting hammered with your buddies i feel like it would be that's like for me i mean i only have like is all i need like i feel like i probably have like six people that i would go to their bat that i would be even considered to go to their bachelor parties. And all of them, I think it would be like – like, I mean, me and my buddies went to Iceland and we didn't – at night there's nothing to do. And it was like the most fun part of the entire trip.
Starting point is 00:49:14 We just got hammered and sat at a table and played cards. I think it would be pretty hard for me to not have fun. That goes hand in hand with like a night out. The best nights out are just out of spur of the moment. Random, yeah. that goes hand in hand with like a night out the best nights out are just out of spur of the moment yeah sometimes i think the more money and the more planning like the more pressure to have a good and like all you need to do is get hammered yeah i think it is the trick sounds like you guys aren't drinking enough because you have enough it's pretty hard to not have fun it's a good time yeah hey yeah who you who you calling friends i've gone out with you it's we're one beer and you're like
Starting point is 00:49:43 i'm fucking exhausted. Oh, so it's the guy who, when I said we're going to play pool, whoever loses the game has to take a shot, and you were like, well, that's not fair because I lose every game. It was like 2 p.m. Yeah, but I was taking him with you. Is Francis trying to take advantage of me? He was trying to take advantage of me.
Starting point is 00:50:00 I had two shots and three beers in my system by 3 p.m. on a Friday, and I had shows that night. I think I did, too, right? No. Actually, I don't think either of us did. Also, I don't think it was 3 p.m. I think it was 5. And then I was out until 3 a.m.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Yeah. Because you got me riled up. You know, once you get that engine started, it's not going off. I like to go early and hard to early and hard and then i like to be in bed at a good time yeah that's the opposite of me i like to go early and then and then be in bed when the sun is out francis did covid play uh did covid play a factor in your friend group because in mine once uh once we canceled the one of the bachelor parties the first bachelor party because of covid reasons the next two just became so much easier
Starting point is 00:50:46 to cancel. I think you're spot on. I think there was an absolute... It was so tough to plan travel in that time and that's exactly where certainly the first half of all my friends' weddings were
Starting point is 00:51:02 like 2020 to 2022. It was just like, well, we can't. How can we ask people to set aside weekends? Who knows if there's going to be a third wave and all this bullshit? People are getting COVID. Friends-wise, since COVID, I've had two. And those two, we just haven't done any bachelor parties. But before that, we were going to Vegas.
Starting point is 00:51:25 Here's a fun one. So one of my buddies who didn't have a bachelor party, his wife told him that she would, like, honor the bachelor party for any point in their marriage. And he's thinking of saving it for, like, when he's 50. And that we'll all go to his bachelor party when he's oh that's a great i don't hate that it would be kind of fun that's a big waste because when you're turning 50 you can already do that like you can plan a huge flow oh not not not as
Starting point is 00:51:57 a 50th birthday but necessarily any like i'm 43 guys i really need a fucking let's go blow up in Vegas. Everybody up for it? Holy shit. We haven't done this in 20 years. I think it's easier for the guys to sell to their families if they're like, it's this belated bachelor party. We got to go. If it's not a bachelor party, that's a midlife crisis. I feel like that would be way harder to get people to go on. It could be.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Rather than like, hey, I'm getting married. Be like, hey, guys uh i hate my life i want to go blackout in vegas this weekend i really need you guys because you're like fuck no dude i have kids my wife went on a belated bachelorette party like a few months ago from like a covid wedding yeah yeah i bet there's a lot of that happening now belated bachelor party sounds wild. COVID makes no sense. We went to their wedding like a year or two ago. It's probably just like getting fucked up. It's probably not really like a special.
Starting point is 00:52:50 Like there's like the idea of like you're getting married. You don't have to worry about messing up so bad at the bachelor party that you ruin the upcoming wedding because you're already married. He's already stuck. Yep. You can really let loose. I like that. Good time. I don't, to your point, Hairball, I don't know that
Starting point is 00:53:08 the bachelor parties I've been on have been a major celebration of life's pending wedding. It's not like we're so proud of you for settling down. I don't know, I've never been on a bachelor party. Mark. Yeah. Good for you buddy. You found the right
Starting point is 00:53:28 one. That's more of a bachelorette. Me and my crew are a little more tight knit than you and your crew. I think it sounds like you guys are a bunch of fucking losers. Hell me and my me and my fellows we ride. You guys get like pictures of the bride and you're like alright so. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:44 What would you do to her you're here right is that what you think we do i don't know i'm i'm trying to think of what he's thinking of he's all about the whole marriage do you support a stripper at a bachelor party i don't know i've never been to a bachelor party but yeah probably if i have enough beers your bachelor party is gonna be like six dudes in a basement playing COD in the same lobby. Probably, yeah. That would be awesome. That's like the highlight of my life was playing gun game, Black Ops 2.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Oh, yeah. My friend's attic. Every single day. Split screen. Someone's always cheating. Yeah, someone was always cheating. Always. I know my one buddy was always screen peeking.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I think you're going to come around on this. Maybe. But right now, it's like I've never been on a bachelor party and the idea of going somewhere where it's like you have to get fucked up sounds awesome yeah because right now it's i never have to get fucked up and then i do and then i wake up with intense guilt but you're gonna have uh i think you'll have like a lot of years where we're gonna go somewhere and get fucked up is is happening not not for bachelor parties but just like share houses and weekends and like
Starting point is 00:54:47 yeah but even then it's not as much of like a requirement to get fucked up you know like you have to get fucked up on a bachelor party I feel like unless you're sober unless you're a raging pussy you trying to get fucked up this weekend
Starting point is 00:55:04 in Huntsville Alabama no I'm not this weekend? In Huntsville, Alabama? No, I'm not going to drink in Huntsville. Nope. Going sober? I heard that song and dance before. I didn't drink at all in Ontario. Didn't even have one drink. Damn.
Starting point is 00:55:17 I was Ontario. Nightmare? No. No, it was fine. It was like... There's nothing there. It was me performing in front of like 150 Mexican bikers.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Wait, why? Dudes with like massive handlebar mustaches. Did they have their Grubhub bags still on the bike? No, it was actually, the shows were all pretty good. Huntsville will probably be pretty similar. Yeah, I think Huntsville
Starting point is 00:55:45 is going to be fun. Apparently, it's like an up-and-coming city. I doubt that. Did Brandon Walker tell you that? No, it's up-and-coming. I'm sure Huntsville
Starting point is 00:55:54 will be fine. It's this weekend. But then after that, I got a bunch of good weekends, so I'm fine with that. Got a bunch of fucking... This is Ontario, California, right? Yes.
Starting point is 00:56:03 I've never heard of it until I saw you were going there. What's it like? It's just one big strip mall. There's two strip malls, and you pretty much just go back and forth between the two. That's what the shit's happening in Ontario. No one lives there. Some of those Californian towns are bleak.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Yeah, it was pretty depressing. It was hot as shit, too. That's tough. Francis, do you get fucked up on the road? No. When I go with him, sometimes do you force him no he's got a pace that i that makes me want to rediscover a younger version of myself yeah but also we we set out on the night being like we're gonna have some beers tonight and then we have like two beers and he's like what are you thinking man anytime someone drops the what do you yeah you can't drop that yeah it's like i want to go home i'm reading your i want to go home but if you
Starting point is 00:56:51 really you're not like if you desperately need another drink you're not like fucking a chopping up lines on the toilet seat and like being like come on dude because i read your energy as soon as we walk in the building and i go yeah it, it's going to be one of those nights. I don't know. In bed by 11. I think we've had St. Louis. We went after it a little. St. Louis we did.
Starting point is 00:57:12 We got after it. We also, when we split the bill in terms of the show, we know we don't have to do as much time. I don't think either of us are as afraid of getting more drunk for the show. And in the green room, we'll throw it back. Yeah. Also, I'm kind of just like over the getting fucked up every weekend on the road. Yeah. When we went to San Francisco, we went to an oyster place.
Starting point is 00:57:39 That was fun. I think I drank a bottle of wine. He had a couple of beers. Yeah. And that was fun. That's what we do. We've been doing the road. He's been going to bed midnight, 1 a.m.,
Starting point is 00:57:50 and then I've just been getting fucked up by myself and discovering Detroit and discovering Ontario, California. I go up and I go to bed, and then I see stories of Mook out drinking, like, pints of twisted tea. What the hell are you doing? I'll get after it. I've been doing what you do, Francis. I've been booking like the 7 a.m. flight home.
Starting point is 00:58:14 I got to get the fuck out of here. I want to have. Ontario, I was like, if there's a 3 a.m. flight, I'll take it. We're trying to catch a red eye. Yeah, yeah. I was going to take an Uber to LAX. Because otherwise you don't have a weekend.
Starting point is 00:58:29 The next day is shot. You spend the whole day traveling home on Sunday and you've worked all seven days of the week. I don't know. It just doesn't feel like a good life. I enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Between my divorce and pat and the kid and having kids but i went through this phase where i would travel by myself to different cities and do bar crawls like by myself and like the night couldn't end until something happened yeah until like i found an adventure of some sort where I was either almost going to get murdered a little bit or there was like, I don't know, or I wound up at some cool house party with a cool group of people. But like the night couldn't end until I had found my way into some kind of interesting scenario. You're like on a quest. I was like, I would go on quests kind of. I can't explain it. And then I would end, you know, the next day. day i'm like oh wow i made a bunch of friends last
Starting point is 00:59:28 night whatever or or oh i shouldn't have done that that was a little scary like i don't know but something had to happen and i miss those days sometimes i miss the first time i ever saw you really throwing it back was uh in philly i think you might have come to the show that i had at helium yes yep and then afterwards i went to a bar and you were there i think maybe we'd coordinated yes and you were just drinking pitchers of yingling from the pitcher yes yeah and uh that was pretty fun i took you to i was like we got to take this back alley. And there was a construction. That's right.
Starting point is 01:00:07 We were climbing on the construction. I was like, come on, follow me. I know an alley. Yeah. I always had to find, something had to happen, though. And I would always wander off from my friends if nothing was happening. And I was bored with the group. They said I was like the Yeti.
Starting point is 01:00:22 They'd just see my shadow leaving the bar. And I was off into the night. And they're like, she's going to get into something. I don't know. Maybe that's alcoholism. Anyway, what's new with you guys? Yeah, I don't know. I like... Did we lose Mook?
Starting point is 01:00:35 Did he just decide it wasn't... Yeah, he had to go call his friends. He was like, hey, I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry I missed all those bachelor parties. But now that I've had a big break in between another big break, whenever there is, because especially if you're from a certain area like the Philly area, not saying I love every wedding that I've been to, love all my friends, but they do kind of get the same. It does kind of get a groundhog's day, especially I'm from like a huge family, like always a great time. But there's certain things that you're like, you know exactly what to expect. You know how it's going to go, blah, blah, blah. But now that there's been a gap, like the weddings I went to in between, I was like ready to go.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I was like ready to party again. I just remember last summer I went to one of my college friends' weddings. And there was a heckler. A heckler in the crowd. So the groom's cousin invited her boyfriend who'd never met the family this dude was hammered drunk it was just like it's like the groom's the shortest guy up there and whenever the whenever the bride was about to walk down he like he like started yelling something and it was just like what so a wedding heckler was a new thing for me that was a new
Starting point is 01:01:42 thing on the bingo card. I loved it. He had a half-smoked cigarette dangling from his lips during the reception. It was just like, blah, blah, blah. I loved it. It's kind of a wild move to make. You can't really recover from that. No, and he knew no one there. Yeah, and he's trying to enter the family.
Starting point is 01:01:59 And then at the dancing party, he was trying to dance the flower girl. I'm a good guy. I'm fun. Oh, he was like trying to dance the flower girl i'm a good guy i'm fun oh he was wild i was reading about this guy in australia who long story short i suck at retelling stories but he befriended this guy who was dying and the guy who was dying was like i want this story to be told at my funeral he this guy didn't know anybody else in that guy's life he's like can you stand up at my funeral and kind of like a heckler yell out this thing that I've always wanted to say to everyone,
Starting point is 01:02:27 but that I couldn't. And it was like he was gay or something like that. It was like, and by the way, this is like his official decree from him. And he started getting hired by other people who knew they were like, when I die, I want you to stand up and heckle this at my funeral officially from me from beyond the grave.
Starting point is 01:02:44 And he makes like a ton of money doing it now. They're back. No, we got to go again. Really? No way. Are you serious? More Monkey Boy documentary? Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:58 It's going to be good. It's going to be good. Where are you coming from? Studio in Brooklyn. Oh, okay. So you weren't like flying or anything or traveling? No, no, no. We were just in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 01:03:08 What's up? How's the show going? It's been going really great. I just retold a story that was great. Sass is crushing it. We have been in stitches the whole time. We haven't stopped laughing. Sass isn't funny.
Starting point is 01:03:18 I'm not... That's where you lost me. Can you give an update on how it's going or anything? Or is it all kind of under the... It's all kind of... Yeah, I think we're going to put out a trailer later this week just to get people to go. Oh, shoot. We'll see how it goes.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Is there a rough estimate on a release date? Probably be a while. October? Are you guys going to try to sell it to a network? No. Netflix, Hulu. Talkies. Talkies.
Starting point is 01:03:47 One of the big three. The barstool store. Yeah, dude. We got barstool house. Here's a game that I've been playing, Nick. If you stare at Mook's legs for about eight seconds
Starting point is 01:04:03 and then you close your eyes. See the Pope? You can still see the Pope. Look at those bad boys. Come on, Mook. Defend yourself. I love my legs. KB, while I got you here, let's talk gym.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Let's talk workouts. I'm back in. Harder than that. We're back in. Where'd you get that ball? You're not. That's going to kill someone. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:04:22 You do have nice, thick legs, though. Yes, nice, thick calves. You do have creamy legs. You got good squats. It's the best part of my body. someone. Oh, God. You do have nice, thick legs, though. Yes, nice, thick calves. You do have creamy legs. You've got good squats. It's the best part of my body. Yeah. Everything else sucks. I can't squat for shit.
Starting point is 01:04:30 I can't squat for shit. Really? We're embarrassed. What are you hitting these days? Because I'm kind of all over the map. What do you mean? You know what I mean. Are you committed, or are you treating it as a short-term challenge?
Starting point is 01:04:43 No, I'm back in. Are you sure? I made chicken and rice yesterday. It-term challenge? No, I'm back in. Are you sure? Made chicken and rice yesterday. It's a challenge to you and not a lifestyle change. No, it's a lifestyle change. Temporarily. I had like two beers last night instead of getting blacked out. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:56 I was like, I got to go to the gym tomorrow, guys. This isn't for me anymore. And you went to the gym? Today? Yeah. No, it's my off day. No, but I went yesterday and I went on Saturday. I'm going like every other day because I'm getting back into it and I'm too sore to go every day.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Yeah, you need a recovery day. Yeah. That's good. What are you doing at the gym? A little treadmill to warm up. Cut that out. No, I have to. Because, dude, I'm so out of shape.
Starting point is 01:05:25 Ten minutes on the treadmill, my shirt is see-through. Why no treadmill, KB? Why no cardio? You don't need to, if you're lifting, if the goal is strength, Yeah, but I'm just going to
Starting point is 01:05:33 get the heart rate up. Yeah, you do. I do. Are you doing it for mental health, or? Both. Just to, like,
Starting point is 01:05:39 feel good about myself. Yeah, then do the cardio, yeah. And then, and then, like, I hit chest tries saturday yesterday i was back by his yeah nice are we ever gonna get like a reveal from you what do you mean a reveal a body review waiting so patiently for any excuse i would well i mean
Starting point is 01:06:02 i'm not i'm not. I would love to see you without a shirt on. He's jacked out of his mind. I know. I'm excited about it. It's like Christian Bale. You were just at the beach and you were pissed that there was nobody on the beach, right? It was a dead beach. Ah, damn. That's nothing worse. When you have a rock and bawd.
Starting point is 01:06:20 When you have an awful bawd, a dead beach is the best. We actually ferry to this. I love island towns that are tiny. You can't get there by car. Okra Coke, if you guys ever heard of it. Do they have wild horses?
Starting point is 01:06:35 They do, but the town was cool. It was quaint, a lot of bars. Where is that? The farthest point, southern tip of the Outer Banks. Oh, shit. You were all the way down there. Yeah. Are you walking around town shirtless?
Starting point is 01:06:52 No, not at all. Walking to the bars, no shirt? Unbuttoned Hawaiian? I didn't go to the bar, no. No. Shirt on the whole time. Even on the beach? Not the beach, no.
Starting point is 01:07:02 Popped it off? You pop it off or you rip it off? Come on. Rip? I think he takes it off, but he crosses off or you rip it off? Come on. Rip? I think he takes it off, but he crosses his arms. Crosses his arms. I know he does. He crosses.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Oil up before you go? Suntan lotion? He's got a little glaze going. How he oils. Oil up, yeah. I mean, everyone should be putting on sunscreen on a daily basis to prevent skin cancer. I do it. Right? Luke, use some of my sunscreen and look skin cancer. I do it. Mook, use some of my sunscreen and look at him.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Obviously it works. She's holding on for dear life in that chair. Next to KB's tan, he does look very... Mook, are you back into kickboxing because you quit when we made fun of you? Yeah, I'm back. And how's it going? What we did was we made fun of you behind
Starting point is 01:07:44 your back because you weren't there to edit the podcast. And then we sent you the podcast. We're like, clip'm back. And how's it going? What we did was we made fun of you behind your back because you weren't there to edit the podcast. And then we sent you the podcast. We were like, clip this time. And I spent 45 minutes clipping. And you guys just called me a gay cat burglar. Well, you walked up like this, like sneakily. I was getting in my bag, dude. I was getting my mojo back.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Why did you quit? I feel like you were really into it. We made fun of him. Yeah, I got wrecked. You were wasting your money. I had to pay a dismemberment fee. Oh, man. You're breaking your contract.
Starting point is 01:08:11 A dismemberment fee? To chop off your leg? It's like an extra thing you gotta pay in the movie Hostel. Have you ever canceled a gym membership recently? No, I just wait for the fucking credit card to expire. It's impossible. It's way easier to do it that way. I just canceled my Philly membership, and you had to apply to yeah you have to like go in and be like i need
Starting point is 01:08:30 to cancel i had to physically drive like two and a half hours and go in and make it impossible planet fitness you have to like get a letter from your governor local congress doctors notice to why i can't if i don't go in the morning it is packed with kids kids children two like chinese kids are playing tag yeah in the gym yes and i was if you go after like three to the canal street one it's that's what it tags a great workout good cardio these teens come in groups of six and just take up one area. It's a nightmare. Are they like high schoolers or like children?
Starting point is 01:09:09 They're like probably the cusp, like ninth, eighth grade. Okay. I had to spot a dude at the gym on Saturday. He was putting up 315 on bench. Gee. And I was like, dude, if this goes wrong, you got the wrong guy here to help you get this up. Yeah, that's not my man. Dude, if this goes wrong, you got the wrong guy here to help you get this up. I just have the Smith machine, which sucks. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:31 I wouldn't want to have to get a spotter every time. I like the Smith machine. Love it. It just makes you feel like you're not hurting yourself as much. Yeah, you have perfect form every time. Quick question. Do you ever fill out an insurance form or sign up for insurance
Starting point is 01:09:50 and it says accidental death or dismemberment? Yeah. Why do they still include dismemberment? I feel like people lose fingers and stuff a lot. Is that what it's referring to?
Starting point is 01:10:03 Yeah, probably. More than you think. I've never seen a full-bodied machinist. Yeah. Machinists are always losing. Yeah. And they always were like, yeah, it was all right. It wasn't that bad.
Starting point is 01:10:12 Yeah. Yeah. I guess I felt like if you end up accidental death, right, and then dismemberment to me, losing an arm, losing a leg, I don't know why those two things go no pun intended, hand to hand. Did this happen to you recently? I was filling out some kind of insurance form. I think it's such a grim box. Rather than having
Starting point is 01:10:32 two grim boxes, they consolidated. It's also, from what I recall, very inexpensive. I feel like it's under $5 a pay period to get half a million dollars of coverage for that because it's extremely rare. I have a buddy with no
Starting point is 01:10:48 big toe. No big toe? Yeah, he ran it over with a mower. I have a buddy who's missing these two and he went to pull the grass out from under a lawnmower. I hate lawnmowers. And I feel like most of your buddies don't have most of their lawnmowers. Lawnmowers are dangerous. My buddy's dad just lost his heel.
Starting point is 01:11:04 That is nasty. I run by them. What does that mean? On the hill. What does that mean? My buddy Sean, my old college roommate, his dad lost his heel. You don't need the heel, though. He has his foot but not his heel?
Starting point is 01:11:17 Yeah. I guess you can't really put that back on, I guess. I have a phobia of mowers. Mowers are scary, especially when you're mowing uphill. Yeah. Your buddy, Sean, his dad lost his heel. Yeah. Didn't Sean lose his teeth?
Starting point is 01:11:32 Yes, in a basketball net. How? This is a nightmare. In a basketball net? He lowered the basketball hoop to dunk, and he had buck teeth. That is the worst thing that could happen to a kid. Went to the hospital, came back, they were still in the net. Yikes. That is the worst thing that could happen to a kid. Went to the hospital, came back, they were still in the net. Oh.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Yikes. Now he has two fake front teeth, but he couldn't get surgery, so when we were roommates, he had them in a retainer. His teeth were in a clear retainer, and then at bars and stuff, he would sneeze them out and catch them. That's funny. That's cool. I love a baller, Sean.
Starting point is 01:12:01 When I was in eighth grade, I was rollerblading, and I tried to jump in between a gap of the sidewalk to like one side to the other. I made it and then I slipped and I was going as fast as I could. And I'm a pretty good, I'm pretty good on the blades. You guys know that. So I was going like probably 80 or 90 miles per hour. And I landed and I landed and I wobbled out, landed on my knees, skid for like three feet, was bleeding. My socks were stained in blood because of how much blood was coming out of my knees.
Starting point is 01:12:28 And then I went to the nurse, got whatever, and then I went outside and I looked and my skin was all on the sidewalk. Like smeared along the sidewalk. You have a scar? You can't really see it that well, but yeah, my knees are definitely scarred from that. It's not that bad if you can't really see it that well but yeah, my knees are definitely scarred from that It's worse than any injury you've ever experienced That is not even close
Starting point is 01:12:52 What was that? Four and a half hours? I had some really bad injuries Your balls can't be sad? That was your friend who broke his ball on two separate occasions twice? Once you break it once That was your friend who broke his ball on two separate occasions. He broke his penis. Twice?
Starting point is 01:13:09 Once you break it once, it's probably easier. It was on the same day, one year apart. How do you break a penis? It has to be hard. It has to be hard, yeah. But it's not a bone. No, but when you have a penis that is erect and if a girl is on top, typically.
Starting point is 01:13:27 And it slips out, and then she plops down. It comes out, and then she comes down on it. So how did you break his penis? Oh, I didn't. He was at the same cabin. I heard it. Oh, he screamed, obviously. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:13:41 I actually heard the pop. You were eavesdropping already. You were eavesdropping already You were eavesdropping Which is fine I can't imagine it was that loud I guarantee your smart ass was like Did that sound like a penis? I thought someone was opening a bag of chips
Starting point is 01:13:56 Oh my god Did you guys just hear a penis break? What do they do for that? There's nothing they can do They gotta drain the penis, right? I think it stays hard when it breaks. They took him to the hospital. Oh, I think.
Starting point is 01:14:09 That's a Grey's Anatomy episode. And they have to go in and they sew up the sheath from the inside. Stop. And then he had a piss bag. He was peeing out of a catheter for a week. As the girl, what do you do after you do that? We called her Dick Breaker from that day forward. That's also kind of cool.
Starting point is 01:14:30 Did you play on the phone game Brick Breaker? I think it was something like from Game of Thrones. Or just a simple... Breaker of Chains? Did they stay together? Did they stay together after that? They weren't together. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:14:46 Let's sue the fuck out of her You better lawyer the fuck up I'm getting you for everything you've got Does he have like Permanent bruising? Starring? Or a bent dick? I think he's got like a nub It's like a little bit of a nub.
Starting point is 01:15:07 Like his penis or he has like a notch? On his penis there's a bit of scarring. A tree ring. Imagine that. That might enhance the sexual. Like a knot. Like a knot in a tree. Ribbing. A little ribbing.
Starting point is 01:15:18 Yeah. Huh. I'll be damned. Imagine they sew it back together and you like lose inches. Just cut it off. They sew it too tight. So many men go for that penis elongating surgery. Yeah, or you could just cut the top tendon.
Starting point is 01:15:35 A lot of porn stars do that just so you hang lower. But it doesn't change the size, just the hang. From what I've read. Is that in an article? An article you read? Yeah. I read that one. But you're saying guys are, laymen are actually doing this?
Starting point is 01:15:49 They're getting like penis lengthening surgery? Yeah, I think it's like you get like two extender on the side. But I would imagine that someone who had done it might not talk about it. How does that even? I think it hurts a lot. I don't think it's, I also don't think it's successful. Yeah, the guys who have paid crazy money to get their body taller, they pretty much are paralyzed afterwards.
Starting point is 01:16:11 Not at all. Not at all. What? Yeah, I was actually thinking. Have I shown you guys the whole of my show? Yeah. Good. Like the limb lengthening?
Starting point is 01:16:20 Yeah. Yeah, for to straighten my bow legs. So I didn't go crazy with it. So those problems arise if you try to gain like 10 centimeters. I only did enough to straighten my bow legs. Yeah, these are guys trying to gain a lot. I saw a guy trying to do like four and a half inches, I saw, and he was like in PT for like four years.
Starting point is 01:16:39 The limp. To relearn how to walk. Yeah. Women's fault. Way worse. Yeah, it is women's fault. It's new. I like it.
Starting point is 01:16:47 When did you get that? Over break. Wow. Do you not like to draw attention to your tattoos? No, but you did it. Oh. I didn't see it. It's healing right now.
Starting point is 01:17:00 Want to touch it? No. But it's cool. Thanks, man. What is it? It's But it's cool. Thanks, man. What is it? It's from a book series. Which? Stormlight Archive.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Okay. What's the name of it? This really doesn't matter at all. We have had a hard time finding things to talk about. Well, speaking of being too short, you don't have to go through all the pain of limb lengthening if you have Kanzuri. I got the pain of limb lengthening if you have kanzuri i got the short kings covered with today's sponsor kanzuri kanzuri makes shoes that make you up to 2.8
Starting point is 01:17:32 inches taller without anyone knowing look us girls get heels makeup push-up bras why can't men get a boosting confidence too we're all the same height laying down anyways if you know what i mean talking sexual intercourse there probably for a time, only our listeners get an extra 15% off your order with the code yak at kanzuri.com. The site is already 30% off. And with our code, you get an extra 15. That is 45% off your entire order. Support our show and check them out at C-O-N-Z-U-R-I.com and use the code YAK with a Y. I feel like that sounds a lot easier than all the surgeries. Not only do the shoes, Kanzuri shoes make you 2.8 inches taller, they're incredibly stylish and comfortable. They are not old man Velcro shoes. You're going to get compliments on these things.
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Starting point is 01:18:46 kunzuri is an absolute game changer when it comes to your dating life on top of the 30 off on the site our listeners get an exclusive 15 off discount at kunzuri.com with the code yak 45 off your order use code yak at kunzuri.com c-o-n-z-u-r-i dot com with code yak. When I want to get high, I get with a guy wearing Kunzuri's. I tell you that much. Amen. I'd run for president if I was an extra 2.8 inches taller.
Starting point is 01:19:15 Yeah. Well, now you can be. I'd have the confidence. Who's our shortest president? James Madison. I know the dude who died mad early. He was short, too. William Henry Harrison.
Starting point is 01:19:30 See if they had been a few inches taller. With Kunzuri's, they would have... They were wearing little pilgrim shoes with little buckles on them. So Abe Lincoln was the same height as Brandon Walker. I picture Abe Lincoln being super tall. Completely different beliefs. That's not even true.
Starting point is 01:19:45 One's a little less racist. Early 1800s, 5'4 was fine. Yes, you're right. That was the... You would have been a tall glass of water. Oh my God. You'd have played center. That would be sick.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Sorry, Tommy. Women don't care. I've got a full cast. Yeah, we got to go. Oh, really quick. Tommy told this joke earlier. Oh my God. It don't care. I've got a full cast. Yeah, we got to go. Oh, really quick. Tommy told this joke earlier. Oh, my God. It was so bad.
Starting point is 01:20:09 Yeah, that's right. You didn't have to tell me that. No, I had to. KB, when can you take your shirt off for us? At the pool hall, maybe. Oh. If you beat me or something, I have to take my shirt off. Oh.
Starting point is 01:20:23 That was fun. That was fun. Strip pool. Strip pool. Can we just add it to the wheel? have to take my shirt off. That was fun. That was fun. Strip pool. Strip pool. Can we just add it to the wheel? KB takes his shirt off. No. Okay.
Starting point is 01:20:30 Yeah, that's good. Do you want to get like a- Almost embarrassing at this point. You'd want to do a- How ripped you are. Pump. Yeah. I'd get a pump before.
Starting point is 01:20:39 You got to pump it. Okay. Stick to it. Totally. Yeah. Where are you guys off to now? Where's the next location the doctor's office doctor's office oh okay manhasset oh in manhattan okay godspeed safe
Starting point is 01:20:52 travels yes it's fancy yeah joint physicals nice of course bye guys good luck bye guys i'll be missed oh yeah, yeah. All right. Spin the wheel? Yeah, let's spin the wheel. No. No, it's not going to be what? What is the name wheel? That's just some wheel with all of our names,
Starting point is 01:21:27 and it goes to a different wheel. So then, like, say if it lands on my wheel, I have my own wheel with my own little things on it that could be for some good things, some bad things. I feel like it lands on TJ the most. I kind of forget what's on everyone's name wheels. Yeah, I have no idea. When's Rome get back? How long is he in Africa?
Starting point is 01:21:48 I don't think until next week. Once the leopards are done migrating, he can come back. His trip looks awesome so far, though. How often do you go on a safari and you just see nothing? Does that happen all the time? I'm sure it happens.
Starting point is 01:22:04 I don't think so. There's just so much wildlife. I think you see them every time. Well, the people who are out driving communicate, even from rival companies. Yeah. And they'll say, hey, we're with some cats. Come over here. This is where we are.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Hey, we've got a cheetah, blah, blah, blah. I don't think I'd want to be that close. I don't think I'd want to be that close i don't think i'd ever do that if you stay in the truck you're fine because the animals apparently think that the truck is one big animal another animal they're not gonna fuck see like the terminator when they're looking at it yeah i don't think that would scare me at all i've been seeing a lot of videos from like yellowstone and stuff this year of people getting real close to the buffalo and stuff again.
Starting point is 01:22:48 Going right up to them. Did you see that video of there was a guy taking pictures of a grizzly bear down by the water and the grizzly bear just charges him? And the guy just acts big and the grizzly bear backs off? Yeah. Biggest nuts on any human being on that guy. I think people were saying that grizzly bears
Starting point is 01:23:03 they do an initial charge as like an intimidation thing. Yeah. Okay. And then if they come back again, then they're actually going to kill you. I thought grizzly bears just straight up kill you. Yeah, they are. Like brown bears or whatever.
Starting point is 01:23:16 Black bears you can lie down. Yeah. Black bears. No, black bears are the ones where you're supposed to. Because they're like dogs. They get scared easily. Come around looking for your trash. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:25 My buddy's in Alaska right now. He's a fly fishing tour guide, and he's saying he's like, it's like a place where people pay. It's like rich people go, and they go, and he guides them on fly fishing. He has to carry around a Glock 10, and then he has a shotgun in his room for bears, and they had to kill a black bear the other day. He said it was, like, devastating. Oh, shit. And he sends me videos,
Starting point is 01:23:50 and there's just black bears, like, walking outside of his cabin. He's in, like, a stand-alone cabin. Like, it's just a bed. It's tiny. And it's just him. And then there's, like, obviously there's, like, more people there.
Starting point is 01:24:02 Yeah, why'd they have to kill him? Because it was getting, like, way too close and getting aggressive with everyone. Black Bear was rolling up. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. It's pretty nuts. I know.
Starting point is 01:24:11 But yeah, he's like he has no prior training with guns and they just gave him a shotgun and a pistol. There you go. Yeah. Damn. Now he's like when I go back to Denver, I'm going to buy a Glock 10. Yeah. Now he wants like an arsenal.
Starting point is 01:24:24 Yeah. He said he wants one for when he goes fishing which is probably smart because we've gone we've gone like hiking and fishing out like deep into like when we went to wyoming we were like we did a 14 mile hike and we were like there was we saw massive moose and like all sorts of shit and we were like dude if any everyone that we passed on the on the trail had guns or like bear spray or something yeah and we were like half two of my buddies were wearing flip-flops like dude if we get rolled up on by like a mountain lion or a bear we're fucked get taken out yeah i was carrying around a rock i was like this is the this is all we've got right now as i'm in this new jersey i follow all these different like new jersey hiking groups and there's
Starting point is 01:25:03 it's called the stairway to heaven but it's mostly just like a boardwalk through a swamp. It's part of the Appalachian Trail. But I take my son there all the time. I've been taking him there since he was like seven months old. Just me and him alone. And you're kind of out there. And somebody posted the other day, like, bears right next to. And I was like, whoops, maybe.
Starting point is 01:25:19 And I haven't been, like, now I carry spray. But before, at first, like, I wasn't. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, even bear spray, I feel like that's, what is that? This is a moth. A 0% chance that works. It makes them angry. I'm like, well, now I'm actually going to kill you.
Starting point is 01:25:33 How much worse is bear spray from, like, human mace? I don't know. Probably, I think it sprays, like, 10 feet, which I think is. They're way bigger, yeah. They're, like, way more. Yeah. But. But I think even if you just had like a gun,
Starting point is 01:25:47 you don't even have to, I think just like shooting it to scare them would probably do enough. Like a black bear. You could piss it off more. What's that sound? Even like, I think some people even carry like flare guns.
Starting point is 01:25:59 That'd be cool. That would scare the fuck out of a bear if just a massive fucking firework shot out of them. Yeah. I'd like to kill a man with a flare gun. That'd be cool. If would scare the fuck out of a bear if just a massive fucking firework shot out of them. Yeah. I'd like to kill a man with a flare gun. That'd be cool. If I was in a movie. Like The Breakfast Club?
Starting point is 01:26:11 Horror movie. He tries to kill himself with a flare gun. How many people in the US get killed by flare guns? I bet at least five a year. He just bounces off his head. Yeah. Flare gun. He went off in his locker, I think.
Starting point is 01:26:22 Yeah, he brings a flare gun to school. I just watched that. To kill himself. Yeah. So this is Breakfast Club or Dead Poets Society? This is Breakfast Club. Oh, yeah, Breakfast Club. He has a flare gun in a paper bag in his locker. I don't remember this.
Starting point is 01:26:36 Shoot up a... We should re-watch Breakfast Club. What a dumbass. Let's spin that name wheel. Oh, yeah. Spin it up. Oh. This is going to result in you having to do something out of the office.
Starting point is 01:26:55 Yeah. Prep for an episode. I don't remember what I have left on it. I have fun things like ice cream party. Sounds awesome. What are these things? Butt quarters? Butter crocks. Oh yeah, you have to put I feel
Starting point is 01:27:11 you have to spend an episode wearing crocks full of softened butter. I don't know why. I think that's funny. What's butt quarters? Butt quarters is a bar game I play with my cousins. Sounds like you gotta walk across the room with a quarter pinched between your b-cheeks and What's butt quarters? Butt quarters is a bar game I play with my cousins Sounds like And my friends
Starting point is 01:27:26 You gotta walk across the room with a quarter pinched between your b-cheeks And try and drop it into a cup Suck caucus? I think we already landed on that didn't we? No Your account either has to tweet out suck cock US Or you have to get Like stand up right now
Starting point is 01:27:43 And go to Penn Station, take the train to Secaucus, and come back. I would just tweet. Yeah, I'd just tweet. I'd just tweet Secaucus. Turtleneck week, we all have to wear turtlenecks all week. That's awesome. That's a tough one for right now.
Starting point is 01:27:58 Wine maker, somebody has to stomp grapes in here during the episode until it gets to a certain amount of grape liquid. That was dumb, too. I don't know what certain amount of grape liquid. That was dumb too. I don't know what Laugh Sab is. I have no idea. I think that's an acronym for whatever you asked me to put on it. No clue. Let's spin it.
Starting point is 01:28:16 Let's see. Fart Eliminator. We can't leave the room until we all fart. So dumb. A winemaker. Okay. That's dumb. but I was thinking like that
Starting point is 01:28:27 I Love Lucy episode I was thinking of the the grape stomping lady that falls that falls in the thing oh oh oh oh do we actually
Starting point is 01:28:37 I'll have to think more on what that is actually oh so now do we spend a CUS to do it and then does anyone have to drink the juice I don't know It's your rules
Starting point is 01:28:47 It's your wheel Yeah I'm gonna say Spend two wheels One person does the stomping The other person has to drink the grape juice Is that dumb Is that juvenile Oh I think
Starting point is 01:28:56 Let's do that Okay Okay I'm gonna add Should it be the Should the stomper Should that come from the full employee wheel Or should it come from just the yak? Just the yak.
Starting point is 01:29:06 Okay, just the yak. I didn't really think that one through. I feel like someone's got to enjoy it. Yeah, it might be a nice... I'll provide the grapes. All different kinds. Okay. Let's see.
Starting point is 01:29:37 TJ, get ready to be stomping. I feel like TJ's feet aren't terrible. He seems like a clean man. Yeah. Eliminator or one-off? One-off. Yeah, one-off is fine. So this person has to do what?
Starting point is 01:29:51 They have to drink the wine you stomp. They have to drink the grape juice you stomp. Okay. Hey. Aw. All right. That. All right. That'll be fun. This is probably karmic for the pet egg thing.
Starting point is 01:30:11 Oh, yeah. Oh, that was terrible. You get it landed on every single time. I do? Yeah. Yeah, I've been having a tough streak with the wheel. Yeah. Who won the pet egg?
Starting point is 01:30:20 My days of the wheel are coming to an end. That's going to be a relief. Nobody really wins. I'm having to come in with planning to bring a change of clothes with me. No episodes where I'm going to an end. That's going to be a relief. Nobody really wins. I'm having to come in with a planning to bring a change of clothes with me. No episodes where I'm going to have to, oh shit, oh today's the day I have to fucking
Starting point is 01:30:31 do the cinnamon challenge. And have everyone get mad at you. And have everyone get mad. Infuriated. People were so mad at you. Did you not do it big enough? I watched that.
Starting point is 01:30:44 I did it and I couldn't swallow it physically. And people were like, you don't know how good you have it. You take your job for granted. I was like, dude. I thought you were joking, and then I looked, and I was like, oh, my God. I wish my job was just eating cinnamon. Yeah, you don't know how, and you half-ass it. I'm like, dude, what did you want me to do?
Starting point is 01:31:03 Like, I tried. It is the most insane, like, have you ever done it? I've not. No. It's such a weird feeling. It, like, glues to, like, every crevice of your mouth. Yeah. And then it just, like, I didn't realize how much it was going to burn.
Starting point is 01:31:17 Like, burns your mouth. Does it go all up your nose? No, I spit it out, but it was, like, hard to even get out of my mouth. People die doing that challenge, I think. They choke. Even with water, I think drinking water with it in my mouth would have made it worse if I tried to swallow it. Well, isn't a certain amount of cinnamon poisonous or something, too? If you're eating too much cinnamon, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:31:38 I've seen people getting hurt doing that. Nick said that what you're supposed to do is just keep it in your mouth and then it turns into a solid and then you chew it. Pretty disgusting. Yeah. It's foul. What else? What else do we got? I don't know. Isn't that it?
Starting point is 01:31:57 I don't know. I got nothing else to do. Do you guys have to get to a certain amount of time on the show? No. It usually just has to be an hour. Normally people are mad if it's too short, but that's if Nick and KB and Big Cat are here. Yeah. I don't know if they're going to be that mad if we end it.
Starting point is 01:32:11 Might be merciful. I think they were begging us to end it whenever they left. They're like, oh, God. Yeah. All right, we can end it. I'm fine with anything. Let's do it. Let's not leave until we all get... I don't know.
Starting point is 01:32:25 I got nothing. Alright. Thank you guys. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Tomorrow. Bye. um Happy birthday to Vincenzo's son Massimo and Joel and Sammy who I missed yesterday
Starting point is 01:33:19 and shout out to John's friend Molly Goodbye

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