The Yak - Season 10 Premiere Can't End Until Everybody Farts | The Yak 1-3-23
Episode Date: January 3, 2023We're a woke show nowYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Holy shit.
What the fuck was that?
Is that the first time?
I think we saw it, but we were all drunk at the Christmas special.
Can we play that again?
What the fuck?
And what's with the new bottom?
Look at this.
Are we all grown up?
You can actually see everyone? Get your straws, yeah Yo, DJ, hold that up
It's the Axe
That rule
Really good
Hello, everyone, it's the Axe, season 10 premiere
Nick has strep throat
Brandon is out
I think Roan is here
You saw Roan?
Nick's been suffering.
Nick has been suffering.
KB, Kate, Jerry, myself.
I sass that he's going to be 10 to 15 minutes late,
which is just funny off of like a 15-day break.
It's like, it just didn't.
Do you think he was late 15 days ago,
and that's just delayed everything?
He's just been running perpetually 10 minutes behind.
Butterfly effect.
He was
late to an Uber or something
and now we're the
ones that have to take the brunt for us.
Here comes Roan.
Roany boy.
What's up, gang? We got a new fucking
screen. We have
a new intro. What the fuck?
Season 10. What the fuck?
This shit is dope.
Yeah.
This looks awesome.
This is awesome.
This is awesome.
This is super cool.
The colors are more vibrant.
Now let's get going.
Oh.
Oh.
Wait, do that again?
Holy shit.
What the fuck, bro?
Damn.
Holy shit.
I missed you guys.
Hello, everyone.
Obviously, we're not really a sports show, but last night was pretty crazy.
Stephen Chay wins Worst Guy of the Year award.
What did he do?
Just the most insensitive tweet you've ever seen in your entire life.
Really?
Oh, my God.
Not true.
I had a talk with Erica and Dave today.
I think we're going to keep his job, but it was touch and go for a minute.
Oh, no.
What did he say?
He just, okay, pull up the tweet.
Obviously, anyone who's watching right now knows the DeMar Hamlin story.
I mean, it's very scary.
I was actually very shook last night.
I'm hoping there's a good update coming, but we're just kind of like in a wait and see situation.
And Stephen Shea, so I, everyone knows
the story. You guys all know the story. Yes.
He collapsed on the field,
had to get CPR, AED.
He's in the hospital now, critical condition.
Really, really scary stuff.
And Stephen Che just cares
about the one seat.
Stephen, what did you do? He cares about the
one seat.
He cares about the one seat.
Game may be for the one seat in the AFC, and that is not at all important.
They must play this game.
Wow.
What the fuck?
That's not what it says at all.
For the podcast listeners.
He said, this game may be for the one seed in the AFC, and that is not at all important.
Wild scene.
Hopefully, Hamlin is okay.
Now... Nothing wrong with that.
I got tagged in it.
You mentioned it then.
Listen, I got tagged in it a bunch being like, get your guy in order.
This is one of those situations where if you know who Stephen Che is,
you know that his brain is just built for football,
and that was not meant to be insensitive whatsoever.
And the important part was the last part.
It's irrelevant people are so bad at pretending to feel grief they need to feel anger as well exactly it's it's
you're so fake it's couldn't be more true if there's a shocking thing that happens everyone's
needs someone to be mad at right just feel bad for the guy you have like people who just spent
all night trying to attack Skip Bayless.
People, like, trying to police everything.
I sent out, like, a hug your loved ones.
It was very few people being like, you're so brave.
Like, dude, just shut up.
Like, I don't know.
We're all trying to mentally figure out what's going on.
Then there were people who saw Skip Bayless doing numbers, and they're like, oh, I want to get on that.
I saw it.
Or did Skip Bayless see Stephen Chey and was like,
this is a banger tweet.
The numbers were moving wild.
I almost wiped off the fucking keyboard.
I think my favorite iteration of the Skip Bayless,
like the domino effect, is now the people who do like
they spelled skip Bayless but with star marks like you know like how people do barstool
sports.
Yeah.
And they're like don't give skip Bayless like redact name redacted any any like publicity
just block him.
You're doing what he wants to do.
It's like you're so scared to type out his name yeah or
you're literally giving him yeah the
exact same thing because now we are
we are too but that's what that's what
happens people are just like this this is a
gross tweet that I don't want to acknowledge
what you're doing meanwhile there's a guy
dying in front of your face right
right so ignoring that
to be mad Stephen Chay first cancellation
of 2023.
It was quick.
Quicker than expected. Congratulations, brother.
That was awesome.
I held off.
I spent a long time trying to formulate a tweet to make it about me.
Yeah.
I remember back in my rugby days taking some hits like that.
I saw some of those.
I said, I'll hold off.
Some personal injury stories on the floor.
People just don't know how to.
It really is a you don't have-have-to-say-anything
kind of moment. Are you parents going to let
your kids play ball?
Why are you looking at me, bro?
It might happen. Congratulations.
That's a fucked up way to say it. I think you should
only let your kid play football if he's
bad, because the real danger is playing
at an elite level. That's true.
Although kids, I mean, like...
The thing that they think happened to him
happens to a lot like not a lot but it happens a few times a year in in youth sports little league
baseball they said baseball it's more common with getting hit in the chest as baseball which is
crazy that shit is wild when you i was reading about it's 20 there's a 20 millisecond yeah spot
that if you get hit at that 20 millisecond spot
of your heart. And like the rhythm?
Yeah.
What's his diagnosis?
He's in critical condition.
Cardiac arrest.
I think so.
Steven also was trying to downplay
he's like oh so you had a heart attack.
I was trying to go over the
no. Cardiac arrest means you're dead. I did not know the difference between so you had a heart attack i was trying to go over the no because cardiac
arrest means you you you're dead i did not know the difference between cardiac arrest and a heart
attack but i think that's if your heart stops if your heart stops that's a very bad thing that's
also our we're so uh conditioned watching football games like his heart stopped it was very serious
and like expecting i did this scrolling twitter being
like when are they gonna tell us he's okay yeah i don't think that's how it works i think it takes a
while yeah it is a crazy thing and what's crazy is that football players do die every year like
this shit is not as not that safe of a game but it's just seeing it on tv makes it uh significantly
more uh do they die ever yeah
football players i feel like every like training camp there's like a football player who dies like
in different levels yeah college player but nfl player but yeah it also made reminded me and this
is morbid but vince mcmahon is really the biggest psycho of all time the fact that because i thought
of owen hart when he died during a pay-per-view
and the show just went on.
Literally died in the ring.
And they're like, alright.
In front of everyone.
In front of everyone, his blood on the ring
and they're like, yeah.
How'd he die?
He fell off, he was supposed to be
coming down from the rafters
and something malfunctioned
and he fell 90 feet to his death.
Yeah. That would have been a crazy one for
Twitter to be around for. It's like
people to be able to react to that.
And Vince was just like show must go on.
Yeah because like no one's reacting.
He just doesn't hear any reaction.
He's probably just in like a box at the stadium
no feedback and just like
just keep going. Yeah. That's why like at the stadium no feedback and just like all right just keep keep
going yeah that's why like at the army navy games and they i'm sure they do it a bunch of other
games but they have the people come in on the parachute and i'm always like we're playing a
dangerous game here because what if something goes wrong in front of all these people do they
continue on with the game or do you like what do you do here i always say i like i know it looks
cool but i'm like i hate this so much yeah i, people were mad at me that I didn't parachute in.
Said it was because of a weight limit.
It would have been a big buzzkill
if you squashed onto the field.
Actually, some of those guys,
I talked to them afterwards, Yak fans.
Yeah?
Did they give you an explanation?
They said that...
It's tandem, I think, is the problem.
They said that you can get around it for next year.
If you reach out to these guys, there's loopholes and exemptions that you kind of have to apply for.
You have to apply for some kind of exemption, but these guys were about it.
But also, they were tiny guys.
Yeah.
Some of them.
I'm going to be tiny.
By then, you'll be tinier than them. I'm going to be very tiny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be tiny. By then, you'll be tinier than them.
I'm going to be very tiny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're going to be tiny.
You would do it by yourself?
Oh, fuck no.
Hey, no.
That was an option to do it by myself, but I'd have to get certified, which means I'd
have to jump out of a plane like 30 times.
No, that's bad.
I wouldn't do that.
Yeah, I can do it once.
I've done it once.
I said I'd never do it again.
I'll do it again for the Arizona Bowl.
But did you land in a specific spot? do you mean when you did it the one time
yeah there yeah it was in san diego they you basically land right where you start
so you can control it pretty easily yeah not easily i mean it wasn't there was a guy on my back
oh yeah yeah no no no i didn't yeah no i don't think you can do that. And the scariest thing is if you,
anyone who's probably skydived before knows this feeling,
when they pull the parachute,
it feels like you're dropping out of the harness
connected to the person behind you.
So there's a split second where you're like, am I gone?
Well, did you see that video of the old lady?
She's like skydiving for my 100th birthday
and they go to pull the thing.
She was so tiny. She like slipped.
She was just held on by her ankle. She like slips out.
It's like a viral YouTube video.
For her 100th birthday? It was like she was
super old and it was this cute little thing
and she's like, they go to pull the thing and she
just like slips completely. She was
just so small. It's funny because her rationale
was probably like, if I die, I die.
I die.
I've had a good ass run. Sass, hello? Hello. It's funny because her rationale was probably like, if I die, I die. I die. I've had a good ass run.
Sass, hello. Hello. How's everybody
doing? Sass, your beard looks great. Good to
see you. I don't have a beard, do I?
A little bit of chin music.
Yeah. We were saying
was there a chance that
it was a butterfly effect late where
you were late like 15 days ago to something
and then you've just been...
Behind.
Yeah, 10 minutes behind and then we just felt the...
I was actually really mad at myself about this, but let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
You don't have to get into the details.
What was the...
Have you ever been in an Uber when it feels like they're almost purposely trying to make you more late than you are?
You're just seething with anger.
I want to get up there and drive the car.
That's what happened today?
Man, he was going so fucking slow.
Shit.
Breathing heavy?
You start breathing heavy to try and give them the anxiety that you have?
The worst part was he was having like the, it sounded like the best phone call of all
time.
Howling, howling laughing all the time.
I'm just furious.
Did he ask if you minded If he talked on the phone
Not even
He was screaming
Talking
And I forgot my headphones
It was a nightmare
Just looking through the middle
Yeah
Yeah
Oh that lane's open
That shit is infuriating
What did you guys think
Of the Arizona Bowl
Did anyone watch
Yeah
I thought it went Pretty fucking well For all things Jerry's in a war right now Yeah I ain't gonna comment That shit is infuriating. What did you guys think of the Arizona Bowl? Did anyone watch? Yeah.
I thought it went pretty fucking well for all things.
Jerry's in a war right now. Yeah, I ain't going to comment on that.
I saw that.
You're in a war?
Jerry's in a war right now.
I ended her, so it's all good.
That was...
So this lady, she wrote an article.
I'm not going to mention her name.
Should I mention her name?
No, don't mention her name.
She wrote an article saying nobody wants to see an overweight man run on the field. I'm not going to mention her name. Should I mention her name? No, don't mention her name. You've done enough.
You know, saying nobody wants to see an overweight man run on the field,
and then over time they're handing the camera to his fat belly.
This is an article about that? It was a Wyoming newspaper did an article that I thought was fair.
It was essentially, you know, some people loved the broadcast,
some people didn't.
So it was just an interview, like some people were saying,
oh, this is a great broadcast.
Inevitable, yeah.
Yeah, some people were like, they were frat boys,
and it was terrible to listen to.
They said fat belly, Jerry?
You can't take that criticism.
I just did a quick Facebook search.
Does Wyoming have, like, digital media or just print media?
I think it's just print.
It was digital, but it probably mostly print.
So her husband.
Oh, you always do a Facebook search.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, so her husband is, he's overweight and he's fat.
Both?
Her husband, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Wait, did you screenshot that?
I'm not.
Yeah, he posted it.
Also, the one you retweeted was very funny because she was saying that it was disgusting and lowbrow,
and he's wearing a hat that says, what does it say?
Show me your butthole.
That's over.
That's a first-round KO.
I don't want to get bringing kids into this, but...
No, don't.
Stop, stop.
No, no, no, this is not that bad.
No, no, stop.
But this isn't that bad What would you have said?
Don't bring in the kids
What about the parenting?
No
The worst angle
I can't control
I think people would be shocked
What is it called?
A restrictor plate on an engine?
I am Jerry's restrictor plate.
It would be shocked if I wasn't around some of the thoughts that Jerry would let loose on the internet.
I got my blow up.
I have a delay on my Twitter.
Yeah, he does.
Are you sure you want to tweet this?
Yeah, so if you have the Twitter blue, it gives you an option. I have a 25-second timer that it'll just circle for 25 seconds, and then it'll tweet.
Oh, that's brilliant.
I'll tweet something, and I'll look, and I'll be like, yeah, this is not good.
And undo tweet.
That is funny.
You don't know a lot of times.
I've had a couple where I put it out there, and it's not it's out there where I'm like nope, nope, that wasn't right.
It's every tweet
for me.
You know yourself though.
I know in something, like
I didn't have to ask permission for that one because
I think it was pretty fair.
Are kids like unkempt?
Oh, don't.
Our son's age, he's still...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
I can't.
Stop, stop, stop.
25 seconds, 25 seconds.
Yeah, put it on your own brain.
I'm done.
KB's good.
He knew he would get it out of me.
Yeah.
He's the best.
I think KB's...
It seems like your brain fog's gone.
It's better.
Yeah?
Not having to use it for 12 days was great for it
but on the flip side
I only consume true crime videos
it had detrimental effects on my psyche
that one guy's
I'm living in fear now
was it the one guy's YouTube that we looked up?
I thought that was the best channel in the world
explore with us, someone was like there's a better one
that's the original version of that
it's called JCS It Is it's the best channel in the world. Explore with us. Someone was like there's a better one. That's the original version of that. It's called JCS. It is.
It's the best channel in the world.
It's better than any documentary
network. It's
JCS. Watch them all.
And it's true crime?
It is the best.
They break down
famous or crazy cases
and they show
interrogation footage. They break
that down. it's probably like
pseudoscience but the best oh hell yes well but why is it have you scared though you're more likely
to be a predator you never really think about um the people actually being murderers in your life
yeah yeah i started listening to the dateline. All the episodes are on podcast form,
and I listen to it in my sleep.
I listen to it 24-7,
and now whenever Pat and I have an argument,
I'm like, I know he's going to kill me.
I know he's going to kill me.
Right, it's not even murderers.
I want to text one of my friends.
People who just have, are psychopaths.
Wait, so would that be,
if you end up murdering someone, KB,
would all this be like he was obsessed with murder
I would never but I would like to be in a situation
to see how I would do in an interrogation
oh my god
like a mock one
you have to be so organized
mentally to even be able to
get rid of a body
it's the most brutal thing in the world to watch the interrogations
and how they get
interrogators are the superstars of the world.
Yeah.
That's why you got to get a wife, bro.
They'll put your feet to the fire.
They'll kind of test you.
It's like iron sharpens iron.
You're getting battle tested at all times preparing for that.
There's cases I never even knew, like Christy Mack.
She didn't die, but.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, when she got beat up?
The war.
Yeah, war machine.
I remember him. I just didn't even know that happened., yeah. Oh, when she got beat up? The war. Yeah, war machine. I remember him.
I just didn't even know that happened.
By the way, Dana White.
Yeah.
Ooh, bad guy.
Well, and also, I mean, he has to, like, I think he actually might, what happened in
the NFL game might save his job.
Oh, 100%.
Is he his own boss?
Like, who's going to fire him?
I don't know.
No, the company owns him now.
Yeah, there's a company that owns him.
He's sold.
Oh, really?
Yeah, to Endeavor Media.
Ari Emanuel.
Oh, oh.
Yeah.
I got a question.
I don't know if it's...
Never mind.
Oh, this is...
Maybe I shouldn't have brought up Dana White.
Never mind.
What?
Write it down.
Oh, no, no, no.
All right, I'll answer your question.
I'll answer your question.
I'll answer your question. It was for your question. I'll answer your question.
It was for Kate.
About Dana White?
It was for Kate.
Oh, go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Like, I have a feeling I know the question.
If your husband hits first.
Oh, no.
Never mind.
If you were to slap your husband, do you think he would slap you back?
Pat?
No, no.
I don't think in any circumstances.
Would it be fair?
No.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You know it wouldn't be fair.
It's like, especially like the size of the guy.
Just bear hugs.
All you have to do is walk away.
Walk away.
All you have to do is walk away.
In a packed club. That's the part. I know. That's the part you have to do is walk away. In a packed club.
That's the part.
I know.
That's the part.
Look, I don't know.
Like, you know eyes are on you and you felt comfortable enough to do it there.
Right.
And I'm willing to bet you're comfortable doing it elsewhere.
She went to bat for him.
Of course she did.
I mean, that happens a lot, though.
It's a lot of matters.
Yeah.
People were saying out there it was more shocking that he was seen publicly with his wife.
They're like, it's shocking that like was out and about with her because it seems like they
kind of have an arrangement where like whatever man that was yeah that was a bad video yeah
terrible video what i have we heard a statement from robbie fox yet uh i think he wrote a blog
good yeah um yeah i try i missed this really he was at a club on New Year's, and his wife slapped him in the face, and he slapped her back.
And then, like, kind of, then he kind of went in for more.
Oh, that shit ain't cute.
He got, like, held back.
That shit's not cute.
No, no, no.
Aaron's team, Bear Academics, did the same thing, didn't he?
Who?
Did he?
EJ Academics.
Oh, wait, I know that he was beefing with two girls, but did he actually hit them?
I don't know.
He is the goof.
Ray Rice hit his girlfriend.
Yeah.
That was bad.
That was messed up.
Very bad.
Terrible.
Dude should just
probably never hit girls.
I'd say that's
really good.
It's really good.
It's such an easy baseline.
Just don't do it.
Nobody hit anybody,
but also, guys, don't hit girls. Yeah. It's so easy. Just don't do it. Nobody hit anybody, but also guys don't hit girls.
It's so easy.
It is crazy how many people there are in the comments being like, he hit her first.
Or she hit him first.
Mutual combat.
It's a mutual combat state.
You might want to delete that tweet, Jerry.
What tweet?
I knew to stay
away from that one. Yeah.
That was a fucking... There's really not even much
you can say about it. No. It's bad.
It's wrecked. Very bad. What happened?
Dry. Bad. Yeah.
I like the gray outfit, though, today.
The gray outfit. Yeah, so
I bought these Air Monarchs
as a joke, and
they are the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn in my life.
I've always thought they looked comfortable.
So I don't know.
I think this is just how it happens for every dad.
Where they just buy them, and they're like, wouldn't this be funny?
Like, holy shit, the arch support.
It honestly feels like my feet are in a Cadillac right now.
How much did they bang you for those?
$45.
They're affordable.
Black ones
when you're on demon time.
Yeah.
I got the black ones too.
That's wicked.
Yeah.
What's demon time
for a dad?
Fuck man.
Time out.
Time out.
No toys.
Eating all the applesauce.
Yeah.
Eating all the snacks.
Crushing their pouches
I gotta get a new pair of shoes
Dude
Yeah you do
Edelman
45 bucks
I have to grab them
Get a backup pair
They're so comfortable
I have three of those
And one black
Yeah
What size shoe you wear?
Like nine
Oh
I was gonna say
If you wanna try them on
You can
I think my feet are actually getting smaller.
How's that possible?
I think I could squeeze into an eight.
Jerry, eight and a half over here?
Seven.
Seven and a half?
Seven and a half.
Seven and a half?
Yeah.
Really?
I can get into an eight, though.
Of course, it's bigger.
That's true.
It would be impressive if you got into a five.
That's a good point.
You could get into a 16, yeah.
Jack shoes.
Yeah.
When I was in high school, I thought it was funny to buy a pair of, like, size 17 orange shoes,
and I wore them everywhere.
Like a clown?
Like an actual clown?
But they were, like, Nikes.
I bought them at an outlet in like Maryland and they
were just like the biggest, goofiest shoes
and I'd wear them to like my mom's
work. The janitors would be
stopping me being like,
you're gonna be fucking huge someday.
Like you're gonna be massive someday just
wearing these dumbass big
17 goofy ass shoes. Janitors have the best
reaction. Yeah, they do.
On the spot. They have nothing to hold back. They're just fucking the best reaction. Yeah, they do. On the spot. Because they have nothing to hold back.
They're just fucking excited to interact.
Yeah.
She was, like, working in a hospital.
There's also a bathroom in the hospital.
The dirtiest fucking limericks I'd ever read on a bathroom wall.
And it was, like, nurses and doctors only in that hallway.
So these doctors were fucking marking up this wall with the dirtiest limericks,
drawings of gaping vaginas and shit like that.
Just the dirtiest shit.
Very anatomically correct, though.
Yeah, perfect.
Exactly.
That's how I learned.
This is the people saving your lives.
And they're the dirtiest minds possible.
I think it was just one dude.
No, because it was different handwriting.
It was like a cave drawing,
top to bottom that was completely
filled with like the dirty and I was
that's how I learned limericks really.
That's how I learned to love to rhyme.
The bathroom wall.
A lot of doctors kill people.
A lot of doctors intentionally kill people.
Did you watch that movie? Yes.
Yes, about the fucking, what was the dude?
Is this a flat? No, yo, it's true.
Charlie, what's it called?
You say intentionally kill.
What do you mean?
Like they...
They inject insulin into the...
We're talking about one guy right now.
He killed thousands of people.
There was another nurse who was doing...
Like every few years it pops up.
A nurse or a doctor is like serial...
Yeah.
Blueprint.
We should watch an interrogation.
Well, it is like wildly easy for them to do that.
Yeah.
I just always assumed assumed if you are...
Masso, right?
If you have a family member...
Charlie, yeah.
If you have a family member in the hospital
and you're annoying to the doctors,
similar to a waiter spitting in your food,
they'll be like, all right, you're done.
I'm going to make sure they die.
That'd be really nice about it. A lot of vets, too, believe it're done. Like, I'm just, I'm not going to, I'm going to make sure they die. Or it'd be really nice about it.
A lot of, a lot of vets too, believe it or not.
What?
No.
Oh, we'll kill pets.
Yes.
I was like, we're at the VA.
I was thinking about Charlie Cullen.
There's multiple doctors?
Oh yeah.
This guy was like a nurse.
There's a movie on Netflix.
It's called The Good Nurse.
And it's about, it's about this guy's whole journey.
Killed like 500 people.
He was a male nurse? Was he doing plastic surgery? No surgery no he was just doing he was just like a nerd i don't know
what he was a nurse said yeah he was just like an attending nurse in uh philadelphia area hospitals
and they would just move him around from place to place uh as he injected insulin into people's iv
bags he's i'm hopping out for one second i I'm going to do one question with the quarterback, so we'll be back in five minutes.
Okay.
They're all around us.
Killers.
Killers.
I know.
Honestly, when you look at, I mean, I don't know what population.
What population of humans kill?
Very small.
Guys.
Dudes.
Mostly dudes.
Has there ever been a real women serial killer?
Oh, yeah.
People say I look like that
main one all the time
what's her face
there's a movie about her
she was a trucker
is she Anthony
no I wish
not I wish
but you know what I mean
looks wise
monster
Charlize Theron
monster yes
that's the one
people say you look like
Theron
that's nice
yeah
only in monster
yeah that's me
that's unfortunately
I get that
from time to time.
But that's when she doesn't have much kids.
Seven men?
Oh, no, it looks like she killed a lot more than seven.
Who's the second one in, though?
Yeah, a lady snapped from time to time.
Yeah, there was a pig farmer in Oregon
who was just killing people and feeding their bodies to the pigs.
Oh, it's like a snatch.
Woman, woman.
They ate the bones and everything.
That's probably a good way to
do it. Yep, that's me in a few years.
A good way to kind of get away with it if you're
going to kill people.
I feel like you just can't get away with that anymore.
Yes, you can.
You think so? I'm watching these cases
and it's people who just one tiny
thing got them caught. And they weren't even that
smart about it. To ambiguity
too. i feel like
there will never be able to be another like ted bundy serial killer though they're out there right
now there's one happening right now what city was that fucking like killing like 40 people
they're out there i think the people are doing it are trying don't they just write a blog in chicago
yeah well that yeah it's like speculative but there's a lot of guys killing like the boys
little boys no like pushing drunk guys into the a bunch of cities right now. Oh, they're the guys killing the boys, little boys?
No, like pushing drunk guys into the lake is the thing, right?
Is that the thing?
Is that the theory?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But what they do, like the guys that go after like prostitutes and stuff like that
because they know that not too much of a fuss is going to be raised about it.
I feel like that happens everywhere.
And in probably other countries too where there's less
technological advancement, like less
surveillance and shit like that. You probably go to
some small Asian
country. That's like the end of Silence of the Lambs.
Isn't that what he does when he escapes? He goes off
to some third world country and he's like,
yes. Holy fuck.
We got Scorpion real quick on
the first episode of 10X. Dad in Brooklyn.
They just found out he's missing because his daughter killed him,
stabbed him to death.
It's the Twitter guy?
The Brooklyn dad?
Brooklyn dad defiant?
That annoying guy on Twitter?
My dad's trying to kill him.
My algorithm knows me so well that it just gives me every Wanoi,
every Doug Wanoi.
It's awesome.
Jerry, you know KB's dad is a Twitter troll?
No, I don't.
Yeah.
He's incredible at what he does, too.
And he's racking up followers, too.
He's just like...
What's his Twitter?
Didn't you say he was a little upset with his recent analytics?
Yeah, he had a...
He was in a slump for a little bit.
Yeah.
Well, he's chasing the high of the 1,000 reply days that he's achieved.
Yeah.
He might have to make a new account, honestly.
Yeah.
Start working.
Because he's getting too big, you're saying?
You think that that might be it?
No control.
Well, he's also.
No control, Doug Benoit.
He's also on one side of things.
If he made another one, he could argue with himself and just build the interaction.
Oh, true.
Pretty naturally.
I heard he's starting a podcast with Ethan Camps and Mareshti.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think he'll get hired.
I could tell you that.
No, that's a chance now.
Father knows best.
Serious chance.
You and your dad having sassy-ass TikTok videos.
I turned my dad into me.
Someone DMed me the other day, and they were like, your dad lapped you, dude.
I was like, dude, what happened?
How are you going to let your dad lap you?
He's your dad.
Like, what do you mean?
If anyone should be able to lap you, it's the guy whose penis you came out of.
Yeah, never thought about it like that.
Offense.
I know your dad goes down too, Seth.
Jerry, how was the trip back from Arizona?
It was rough.
Was it?
I dominated.
By what weather?
The middle C guy.
Yeah.
What was he?
Terrible.
Jack.
Oh, that's it?
It's almost sometimes worse than a fat guy, Jack guy.
Yeah, he was ripped up.
And I actually, the whole flight, I sat there like this
because I couldn't even get the armrests.
He slept the whole flight great.
And then when I was going to get my bag up top,
I fucking...
Oh, I apologize.
Oh, it's all right.
You have to get people like that.
Yeah, you have to sneak some in sometimes.
I did the exact same thing
because the guy was just like widening out
as he was falling asleep.
And I had to hit him with just a little quick one.
Is first class that much more room?
I flew first class back and it was fucking incredible, bro.
Really?
Yeah, it was.
I laid down flat.
Wow.
Wow.
That's what you need, yeah.
It was incredible.
Expensive, though.
Huh?
Expensive, man.
I was on, yeah, I just did enough miles this year where I did a little upgrade. But, yeah. It's expensive. huh expensive man i was on uh yeah i just did
enough miles this year or get a little upgrade but yeah it's expensive it is it's too expensive
yeah man the whole plane should be able to lie down yeah that would be nice i had my son i took
him just me and my one and a half year old to arkansas to visit my brother and his family
and it was two flights each way and in in the morning, the way there was chaotic.
And I had to get him up at like 3 in the morning
to catch this whatever plane.
He was totally thrown off.
He threw the biggest tantrum he's ever had on the plane.
Screaming so loud, the kind of screaming that hurts,
like hurts your ears for like four,
it just would not stop.
I was wearing a tank top, a-shirt a hoodie i sweat through the
completely anxiety anxiety sweat like i reeked by the time the airline attendants were coming over
and blowing up hand balloons the like people were trying to dance like nobody was mean everybody was
so nice but it was like i got off the plane and i was like i was like waiting for people to come up
and just like throw us off the plane i was like oh my god can they land a plane for this can they like kick us off but I
was like now you felt shame oh my god I felt I felt bad for him first and foremost any resentment
toward him honest to god no I just felt so bad I felt bad for every I felt bad for everybody
but it was like the first time it's ever happened to us.
I was like, oh my fucking God.
You know, you should have tried a little rum.
I should have given him a little rum.
All these people on Twitter were like, you should have pumped him up with Benadryl before the fight.
And I'm like, maybe I should have.
I don't know.
But that was the first time.
I've seen it happen to other parents, but it was the first time it's happened to me.
Holy fuck.
That sounds like a fucking nightmare.
I had all the toys.
I had the iPad.
I had everything, and it just did not fucking matter. What do you think it was? holy fuck that sounds like a fucking nightmare i had all the toys i had the ipad like i had
everything and it just did not fucking what do you think it was i i think he was just thrown off
and you can't tell a one and a half year old why they're stuck in a space this big when they have
all that energy and it just he was there was a kid next to us like a college kid and he was
kicking the guy and i was like oh my god i Jesus Christ. Kicking the seat in front of us, kicking whatever.
It's like, holy fuck balls.
That's crazy.
If you're on that flight, sorry.
I was waiting for somebody, though, to be like, shut the fuck up.
Like, I was waiting and nobody did.
Those people are the worst, though.
Yeah, nobody did.
People getting mad?
Yeah.
Babies?
Yeah.
But I get being, like, if I was hung over a few seats behind,
I probably would have been my god. Oh my god
But like you have to anticipate those things when you're flying
Yeah, go get rich and fly private if you that upset about it
Yeah, I was like some noise cancelling headphones or like that just fucking yeah throw the headphones in noise cancelling. No problem
He was crying. I didn't even know yeah
This time of year though is just like every single person is having travel issues.
Yeah, it's bad.
Every flight you get on, there's going to be some kind of, if you don't anticipate the
travel issues, if you're like getting all fucking pissed off at the airport, that's
on you.
Control your emotions.
What was Arkansas like?
It was a delight.
Really?
It was lovely.
I've been a bunch of times now, and I'm a fan.
What part?
Northwest.
The northwest corner.
It's kind of...
Like Walmart land.
Oh, it's super rich up there.
It was delightful.
There's like a lot of Walmart money.
Progressive for Arkansas.
Yeah, right.
They were like, oh, let's go to the town water park for the afternoon, because it was indoors,
and it was like a giant splash world that cost like a nickel.
You're like, what?
Yeah, I love going to places like that where everything is just so cheap. We went to get
ice cream. It was like 50 cents per
scoop. I was like, oh, I'll take 50 scoops.
Wow. It's amazing.
I think in New York and traveling other places is like
baffling. You're rich.
You're like just to a bar and they're like, this beer
will be 50 cents. College bars.
Any old college bar that you go back to, you get your bill.
It's like $8.
One smile.
Yeah.
Those are good tidings for you.
Whenever I go to visit family in Indianapolis, I'm always like, next round's on me.
Next round's on me.
Because the whole round for like 20 people is like $13.
New York Kate.
Yeah, I know.
Don't worry.
I'm doing great.
Arkansas.
My perception of Arkansas.
I feel like Arkansas needs a little bit of PR because my perception of them was jaded
by that video of the girl who had maybe a Black Lives Matter sign or something like
that, and then people kept on driving up to her and being like, fuck you, bitch.
Watch where you fuck.
Yeah, they said the most racist town in the USA, morrisville arkansas yeah remember that video yep i feel like if i went to a different
section maybe that would have been the case and like i took he fell asleep in the car so i took
him for a drive and the roads turned to dirt rock roads like immediately outside the town i was like
out there holy shit it's interesting though but they need just a rebrand being like arkansas we're not racist we're okay yeah unless they are unless they are i don't know i don't know
they are yeah they are yeah yeah is that true yeah damn dude that sucks dude i just got back
from uh i was in uh utah i just flew back that looked awesome overnight it was fucking sweet
dude i was thinking you would have loved it bro bro. For like tourists just to tour around?
Yeah, that's the best state, I think.
It might be.
It's up there.
It was fucking beautiful.
What'd you do?
Like hiking and stuff?
Yeah, I like climbing and shit.
I'd never really climbed before, and that's when I was thinking of Sass.
I was like, Sass would fucking love this.
You were like hooked up?
It was like pussy, like beginner level climbing or whatever.
But I was hooked in carabiners and shit like that.
I wouldn't say it was dangerous, but it felt, it was high.
It was a high peak.
It looks dangerous.
That's cool.
Yeah, it looked dangerous, which is all I was-
The Ferron timeline was popping.
Fuck yeah.
Your posts every minute.
Yeah, that's all I was trying to do.
It was crazy.
That little bridge up at the top there, I walked across that bridge, dude.
Oh, a horse.
It looked fucking awesome.
Less than 24 hours ago, I was on a fucking horse.
Oh, this is real.
This was today.
Yeah, you can kind of tell.
It was 12 hours ago.
It was, bro.
That view was nice.
It looks crazy.
It was climbing, bro.
But I got to chill with some Navajo people, some true Native Americans. Were you at Antelope Canyon? I went through Antelope Canyon, bro. But I got to chill with some Navajo people. Some true
Native Americans. Were you at Antelope Canyon?
I went through Antelope Canyon, yeah.
Were they like, we've heard you on the yak. We've heard your voice.
Yeah.
It was crazy.
But I was like picking their brain just so I could
kind of get the voice right. I was like
and the Navajo people
call themselves the Diné.
That's like what their name is. Navajo is like a Spanish word. Finish your word the Diné. That's like what their name is.
Navajo is like a Spanish word.
Finish your word.
Diné.
That's all.
And it means 40% of a word.
I know.
Because back when they were calling themselves,
they didn't need these long-ass words.
I guess you're right, yeah.
They just needed a couple syllables because they had the first crack at it.
Like just what's our name for us?
Diné.
The people.
I don't know if that flies with me though
why you need a long ass name yeah i don't like the way it ends on that
yeah you need to say it it's like that and it's fun to say too
proud people how they talk yeah kind of
they have a do a full sentence in the voice.
The anxiety of our people has shaped the land.
Every breath that you take out shapes these canyons that we walk through.
It was shit like that.
I got to hang out with them more to really see if that's accurate.
It was dope, though.
But they told a sad story they
were like uh sure they have a bunch yeah they had a recent one they had a regional i thought that
the sad times were over because we're staying on this nice ass resort and this guy's taking us to
the canyon and uh it's 600 acres and he was like they tried to buy my grandmother's land. My grandmother said she
wanted to keep the land as it was so the grandchildren could see it the same way that
she saw it because she said everything's going to change. And she was right. Everything did change.
And they have their own 600 acres and there's a river that runs through it. And they said down
by the river, there's this group of people, no electricity or anything, but they have cattle and they have sheep and they garden like squash from the land or whatever.
And they said during COVID, someone went into the city, came back, brought COVID and all of them died.
Everybody that did that kind of like gardening.
So it's like literally smallpox blankets, again, through COVID,
to these people who had very sensitive immune systems.
And it's just crazy.
That's sufficiently sad.
It's like that story of the guy who tried to go on that island,
and they killed him right away.
I just watched that video.
That one you didn't really feel.
Oh, no, no.
That guy's perfect.
He actually met up with them multiple times.
They kind of just like mocked him.
Yeah.
And he kept going for more.
They speared him, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
He was on like a kayak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they just speared him.
What's the name of that island again?
North Sentinel.
Is that North Sentinel?
North Sentinel Island.
Yeah.
Is that the only place like that in the world still?
They estimated there's a few, but it's like less than 20.
It's fucking crazy.
Where is this?
Is this on YouTube, KB?
Yeah.
Asia?
Indian Ocean.
He was like a journalist, right?
No, he was like a missionary.
He's like self-appointed.
I'm going to bring God to these people.
One of those, yeah.
I'm going to record myself doing it for likes.
Yeah, and I'm going to get them to tithe
to the Pope.
So the Vatican can get some cash.
That Pope died,
right? He wasn't the Pope, though.
No, it was the old Pope.
I thought you were the Pope until you died.
Now, this one was the one exception because he was
so bad. Really? He was such a
bad person. He was a Nazi,
too, right? He was a Nazi who like
a Nazi in Versace
who just shuffled fucking pedophiles
around. Oh, fuck.
To deaf schools. To a deaf school.
And people are mourning him?
I mean, fucking. Yes.
What is, brother?
God's mourning him. God's probably like, fuck this.
I don't want this guy at my party. Hell no.
Nazi pedophile?
You can't really get worse than that. Oh, no. He makes Hitler seem palatable.
It's like, at least Hitler
wasn't... Pedophile?
Jesus. He's like, that is
the two... You had two people
to explain to you. Nazi pedophile.
What are two words?
You can't be both. Or you
pick one, bro.
You want to have a vice? Pick one. You can't be both. Or you pick one, bro. You want to have a vice?
Pick one.
You can't have both.
Fat Steelers fan.
What?
Did they use the adjective fat or were they a little bit...
They said...
What did they say exactly?
Did they say fat stomach?
Fat belly.
Belly is worse than stomach.
Of course it is.
Belly implies fat.
It's actually redundant to be like fat belly.
When you say someone's belly, no one says belly for a six-pack.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just belly is a slur.
It is.
It's a slur towards me.
You think of like Santa Claus
Yeah right
Yeah
The bowl full of jelly
Think of a jiggle
I'm getting so much more mad
As this goes on
Oh don't
About this woman
Yeah
It's stomach is
Is the regular way to describe it
Tummy is for little kids
And belly is for fat people
Black people
Say belly
Oh the movie
Oh classic
Yeah the
The Nas
The Nas movie.
Who else was in that?
I didn't watch it. I rated it.
The MX.
I rated it high, though.
Jerry, don't get more mad.
No, I'm not.
No, that would piss me off.
You already KO'd.
It's one round KO.
Oh, yeah.
That's how it usually works, but...
Why even go after someone's weight?
Who cares?
Whatever.
Don't listen to the broadcast, then.
You guys, that's fine.
I knew going into it, I didn't know there'd be a Wyoming woman who has a fat husband.
Say that.
Louder than you.
I think so.
You're athletically fat.
You box.
You can run to the center of the field.
Runs in softball games.
Over, not over the wall.
Top five in the mini golf tournament.
Right.
Yes, you're athletic.
Spoiler, dude.
Weren't you a decent- He hasn't come out yet.
He's a wrestler.
Did you play baseball?
Yeah.
You good? Show him your pop-up. No. Did you play baseball? Yeah. You good?
Show him your pop-up.
No.
Show him your pop-up.
I don't want no more Wyoming...
No, no.
Show him your pop-up.
Nope.
Gary, it's athletic.
It was impressive.
It was very impressive.
Show us your pop-up.
That will show them.
Show it.
Oh, yeah.
Show the pop-up.
Show us the pop-up.
I'm fast.
Everybody knows I'm fast.
Okay.
I don't think I've seen this pop-up.
Have you ever tried surfing?
That's athletic.
I also think, Jerry, you're in the camp of you're not fat.
You're just fat right now.
I'm thick, bro.
It's for a joke.
Yeah, right.
It's a bit.
I don't even.
It's for a fucking joke.
It's why I'm fat.
I like being chubby.
And my girlfriend likes me chubby.
Really? You have a blue collar body. Do you like being chubby. And my girlfriend likes me chubby. Really?
You have a blue collar body.
You like being chubby?
Let's unwrap that.
I just like, I don't, I was always chubby.
I'm stocky.
Yeah, I'm like, but I think.
You're a bulldog.
I carry it a little.
You would look weird if you got really skinny.
Yeah.
Like uglier.
Like you want to see me on crack?
We could pull up that picture.
We had this conversation off-camera
in Arizona, how you just love
your body. I like to eat. Which is
so weird that someone would shame you for
loving your body for fucking
buys of a newspaper. Not even clicks.
Not even page views. Gross.
They're not getting page views on that.
Well, maybe after you drink it.
I'm gonna go look at it after this.
I personally clicked twice on my phone and my computer.
They pulled up.
It's actually kind of funny.
It is a very funny article.
Open mind.
I like to picture the husband is like a Jersey Jerry fan.
It's like, come on, Deneen.
You're embarrassing me.
What are you doing? What the hell? It's my guy. It was always Jersey. Target, come on, Dineen. You're embarrassing me. What are you doing?
What the hell?
It's my guy.
It was always Jersey.
He's a target on our back, Dineen.
Wyoming Italians.
Oh, fuck, Dineen.
You're breaking my ball.
That's great.
Dude, Stephen Chay
lighting up the tank
was also...
Oh, my God. an out of character.
A glimmer of humanity.
Should we play it?
It was great.
That was good.
Stephen was also, I was laughing because there were a lot of people replying, trolling, and Stephen thought, he's like, was that bad?
I didn't ask you that because of replies.
Okay, good.
There was one reply that made me laugh a lot.
They were just like, Tank, this is – he tagged me.
They're like, you have to do something about this big cat.
This is a hostile work environment for Frank.
He can't go on like this.
Who the hell thinks he's genius?
He had an 8-3 team and they're not going to make the playoffs.
Frustrating.
Frustrating.
This is a fat slug everywhere.
They're actually going on the field to say,
Praise you! Praise you!
There you go, Stephen.
Is he in?
Close, if he's not.
Here's my prediction for the Dolphins next year.
Frank! Shut the fuck up
Jesus Christ
We're all here
Fuck
My team is fucking Clinton division
I want to hear about the fucking
Teddy Bridgewater
I want him in the playoffs
The Knights is the playoffs
The Devils is the playoffs
I haven't seen a playoff win in 40 fucking years!
Shut up! This is for three fucking hours!
But if this is how Steven acts when he knows he's on stream, imagine how he acts at home.
Oh, dude.
Shut up!
The playoff is just for three hours!
The game is over! The game is over!
The game is over! Turn it off! They're down nine!
I did not see this.
I can't believe he's smiling.
I can't believe he's going.
He's got his red and blue and red t-shirt on.
Frank, that went down.
Frank, can't you guys win next week and get in?
Nope.
Nope.
Yes, they can.
And then Jerry's, too.
Oh, you should have seen Jerry.
Did you see his eyes? Frank's eyes?
Oh my god you gotta show Jerry's clip
What if Jay just like swung on Frank?
That would be bad
A lot of the comments are like it's only a matter of time before someone swings
No one's gonna swing
That was also that video was after
Four hours of watching football
And Frank
The whole time
The word dolphins gets mentioned
10 000 times during a stream and i'm okay with him complaining when they're playing
i told him after i was like you got to either go home or stop complaining about the dolphins
because they're not playing anymore but he's uh yeah then he invited you for him he did invite
me for him he also i realized i don't know why it took me so long to realize, but it's very funny.
You can time it perfectly.
If anyone complains about anything in the gambling stream,
if you're like, ah, terrible play,
he'll just come over the top with a complaint about the Dolphins.
It's clockwork.
It's like pork barrel products on a Congress bill.
He just adds it on the end.
It's like a fucking addendum at the end.
And the Dolphins.
Jerry, Frank, and I actually did the rundown today it'll be on later tonight but i talked to frank
after and i apologize for using that language with him but to in without the context of watching
the stream it looks bad because it looks like i just freak out on him to pick out his point he
was doing that for three hours and it was the same things it was the same material and i got mad because we are all there
pfd had he said one of the worst days as a fan yeah he's ever had but that doesn't get focused
on because frank was screaming the whole time i was okay with him screaming the whole time and i
don't mind and i generally like frank and enjoy most of his stuff but if he's like he needs to
have some situational awareness. My team just scored
a touchdown to come back from an 11 point deficit
to win the division. He needs to shut the fuck up
for five minutes. You should also
you could also just blame it on Jake Marsh.
How?
Because he thinks I'm Jake.
Frank will go up to
Jake like once a month
thinking it's Stephen Che.
Or like go up to Stephen
and be like,
good play by play.
This happened like two,
like,
or two weeks before break.
He,
there was an end of game,
I forget what it was,
and he was like,
are you going to take a picture?
And I was like,
what are you talking about?
He's like,
because you're the
skorigami guy.
I was like,
that's Jake.
Yeah,
you guys do kind of look alike.
We do.
There's a picture
where we both are chewing our sweatshirt.
We look exactly the same.
Yeah.
Similar size.
What do you think it's going to be like next week?
It's going to be worse.
I might have to bring earmuffs.
Is Dave coming?
I asked him.
He said too much travel.
Can you show Jerry's clip?
Because Jerry, after the entire day, it's like 11 p.m. at night,
and Frank had rested into a nice little...
He hadn't really been complaining for about four hours,
and Jerry just opened up the jar again.
He looked like he'd seen a ghost.
Oh, no.
Yes!
Game!
Make your game!
That was a real script.
I told you.
Fuck you, Hunter, you script. I told you. Fuck you, Huntley, you bitch.
I told you.
You're done next week.
You're done.
Stop it.
The next one was a hundred and ten games.
Jerry just got him going. The thing is, I know, I see people being like,
oh, Frank, like, don't have...
Frank loves watching ball with the boys.
I'm not going to take that from him.
Nah.
He loves watching.
Also, I mean, what are the views on the video with Che?
Millions.
Millions and millions of views.
Frank loves it.
He loves being around the guys watching football.
He's a content machine.
That's his favorite thing of the week.
That was the one time we screwed up where we were watching.
It was like the saddest thing ever.
That's an all-time.
That's not something I talked about at all.
It's so funny.
We were watching in Hoboken.
We were watching in New York, and he just texted all of us.
It was like, I thought we were watching in Hoboken.
He was like, nope.
And then he just sent a picture of him just sitting there by himself watching the game.
I was like, I feel really bad.
Steven, I got a question about that room that you were sitting in when you flipped out at Frank the Tank.
Okay.
When you look at the other people in that room, physically, do you think you're the alpha of the room?
Physically.
The other people in the room, you tb12 for a year uh i mean
big cat and i are pretty similar uh hank's there too max is in fine shape it is nice knowing we
have like our set spots which is very nice i got i got doug's pulla-dope on me. Yeah, he did. Doug's usually sits next to Frank.
Doug's been getting further away from Frank.
The season goes on.
Next week is going to be in the right chair.
Week 18 is going to be something.
Are you going to come around?
Eagles.
Fucking might have to.
I'm starting to get worried.
I mean, the Chiefs lost three games with Patrick Mahomes.
That's true.
Well, Jerry brought up a great point that doesn't get talked about.
Patrick Mahomes has not proven anything in the NFL yet.
He's never won a road playoff game.
Never.
Right, the spotlight should be on him.
He's never played a road playoff game. Never.
He's never won one.
So the spotlight should be on him instead of Jalen Hurts,
who's only lost one game this year?
Yeah, one road playoff game. When are they saying that Jalen Hurts, who's only lost one game this year. Yeah, one road playoff game.
When are they saying that Jalen Hurts is going to be back?
This week.
Oh, okay.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
What about Lane Johnson?
He'll be back for the playoffs.
And Josh Scott will be back for the playoffs, too.
We're getting healthy right at the right time.
That doesn't feel good, though.
Lane Johnson.
What?
Max was saying, he's like, Lane Johnson will be back.
He needs surgery, but he's opting not to get it.
Yeah, I saw that.
That's bad.
But Lane Johnson has had the worst physical luck of anybody,
and he just always plays through it.
Have you ever seen the picture of his foot,
like what he played on for like two years, his clubbed fucking foot?
He's a monster.
He's so, yeah, he's a beast.
But what one-loss team has ever thrived in the playoffs?
True, good point.
But losing two of the last three.
No, that.
Andy Dalton.
No, no, that helps.
I think it makes them hungry again.
Now they know they've had the little taste.
It changes the perception.
Everybody else is, like, they were too focused on now or then.
Now they're flying under the radar.
Everybody thinks they're the worst team or whatever. Hungry dogs run faster.
Oh. He was playing
football on that. That's crazy.
Holy shit. That's way worse than I thought.
Holy shit.
From, Gary, from a guy
who had a foot injury. Yeah. I mean
Yeah.
Gary, you're a foot guy. You like those? Dude, how?
Not too fast. You can even walk on it
You can't say that
It's a guy
Oh you can call guys fat
Yeah
Wait
His ankle's got a belly
Yeah
Belly ankle
What
She called a guy fat
She's a girl
Girls can't call guys fat
Guys can call other guys fat
Yeah
Okay I like that
That's true
Can girls call other girls fat No Yeah. Okay, I like that. That's true. Can girls call other girls fat?
No.
No.
No.
Like a hate crime.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's actually a fair rule.
Can't hit a girl,
can't call a girl fat.
Nope.
Unless
she calls you fat first.
Exactly.
You can find her husband.
Yeah.
You can find the man
closest to her.
I was enjoying the Tico Texas
Nadeau back and forth.
I didn't see.
I saw that.
It was just a crazy back and forth
about like young thug.
What?
Well, Nadeau's tweet was a little crazy.
Yeah.
I get what he's saying.
Like, oh, he like committed
a bunch of crimes.
He deserves to be in prison.
But then he was like,
no one feels bad for him
and then Tico was like
if you don't know the streets
keep your mouth shut
then Nandu
Nandu came back
instant KO
what'd he say
he was like posting pictures
of her house
or some shit like that
what
Sugar Land Texas
versus Lex
and then she was like
posting
she was like posting
how much her house cost.
It was good entertainment.
Whenever there's a good like back and forth amongst employees.
Shouldn't have trafficked narcotics, ordered shootings and assaults, and pillaged the streets.
He worked hard to escape all to throw it away to be a gangster.
No one feels sorry for him.
Let's talk about Young Thug.
Nice, Tico.
Tico said, don't speak on the street shit if you ain't been through it.
Did he quote tweet that?
He quote tweets it.
Oh, no.
Stop frauding.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm in.
Oh, damn.
The state.
But then she hits him with, my mom worked 23 hours a day and had us three out of five kids in one bedroom.
At what point do you just say, let me do the 24?
Yeah.
That's like kind of a slacker.
Let me just hit that number.
I feel very lazy now as a mom.
If you get to 23, you got to just bang in that last one.
50K on the down payment.
Slow down on the McDonald's Humpty.
Humpty.
So is that?
She hit him with a couple Humptys.
So is that okay?
That's wrong.
Okay.
Tico must be upset resorting to fat jokes.
LOL.
I don't think he was LOLing.
No.
No.
I can't make a fat joke, but it's okay for you to say he should die in jail.
A little straw man.
This is good.
Keep going.
Oh, what's Dante.
Dante.
Dante's in the mix.
He's no one is more in the mix.
I get where you're coming from.
The guy made it out in a sense, yet couldn't leave that life behind him.
He allegedly had multiple people killed.
This isn't some wrongly convicted nobody being sent to death row on some martyr shit.
Yeah, I mean, if you're actually killing people,
I think that that's bad.
That's probably bad.
We're doing a lot for humanity today.
We really are.
Don't hit women.
Don't call women fat.
Don't murder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we disavow pedophile Nazi popes.
We're pretty brave today.
What's the opposite of scorpion?
We're wholesome.
We're virtue signaling.
Season 10 is woke.
We're virtue signaling hard.
There are people who probably be like,
oh, you're back on your woke shit,
saying you don't like the pedophile Nazi.
Yeah, we got to flip-flop and get on his side.
In Mortal Kombat, the opposite of Scorpion is Sub-Zero.
Ooh, we're Sub-Zero.
Holy fuck.
Oh, did we do that
presenting by High Noon?
No.
High Noon is hard seltzer
made with real vodka,
real juice,
sparkling water.
It's actually made with vodka
and not with malt
like all other hard seltzers.
Real vodka, real juice
for real fans just like us.
Head over to your local liquor store.
Get some today.
I was just in the airport.
I saw they were like
selling them in the Las Vegas airport
as I was flying back. They got them everywhere.
They were in Arkansas.
Went to a barbecue joint. The only booze they had.
They're ubiquitous. They're everywhere. The whole country
is catching on. What's your favorite?
Mine's peach. Yeah.
I like grapefruit because there's always grapefruits.
Watermelon on ice.
What does Steven love? Watermelon.
Let's talk about it after the ad's done.
Okay.
I love the peach.
I like the black cherry as well.
Watermelon's good in the summer.
Have you had the pear?
I have not had the pear.
The pear's very good.
Pineapple goes fast, too.
Everybody loves the pineapple.
Brandon loves the pineapple.
Yeah.
Head over to your local liquor store and get some today.
High Noon.
Delicious, delicious.
Real vodka, real juice, sparkling water.
Thank you to High No noon for sponsoring the Yak.
Go get yourself some high noon.
I think there's some big things coming from high noon this year.
I heard some big things coming from high noon.
What?
This year.
Yeah, that's a little teaser for the people.
Big things.
Huge things.
Hell yeah.
What was the joke there that I missed?
So they were the presenting sponsor
of the rundown and uh so i hosted the rundown with uh jerry and frank jerry and frank yes
and that's a murderer's row rundown right after a guy almost died on an nfl football field yes
that was the first uh talking subject but so highon is the presenting sponsor, and in the copy it says,
talk about your favorite flavors.
So myself, I was just like,
oh, I love the pear.
What are your guys' favorite flavors?
But Frank doesn't drink.
Frank doesn't drink.
Neither do you.
Yeah.
Sober.
We had a nice laugh about it.
Yeah.
Trying to get Joey to drink again, Steve?
No, no.
Jesus Christ.
I was never a drinker.
I only drank twice my whole life.
Really?
Never.
I don't know why.
You did crack sober?
No, I was smoking crack.
Yeah, but not started sober crack.
Oh, no, no.
I went pills to heroin to crack.
Got it, got it, got it.
Speaking of, I got the...
Wait, what?
Oh, a bad transition.
I got the aquarium and all what? Oh, a bad transition. Oh.
I got the aquarium and all the accoutrements for Fishbowl Friday.
Hell yes.
And I'm trying to decide.
It's a three-gallon tank.
Holy shit.
Is that too much or is that not enough?
No, I think that's all right.
I'm out.
So is that Friday?
Is everyone here Friday?
I'll be here on Friday.
Is everybody down?
Yeah, Kay doesn't drink.
Right.
That's fine.
We'll just have to give him some, yeah.
I can make an alternative.
Is Eric making it here?
Yeah, I could be here.
All right.
But I'm just wondering who all is going to be because I'm trying to get the numbers right.
I think count on seven.
Nick with his strep throat.
He should be back by then.
Strep throat is such a 90s ass affliction.
It is.
Yeah.
Strep throat?
Yeah.
What?
The one thing about strep throat is that it actually is one of those ailments that as
soon as you get diagnosed, you're better almost instantly.
Because you find out that's what it was?
Antibiotics that give you are like incredible.
So bad.
Or get your tonsils.
I got my tonsils taken out at 13 and never got sick from strep throat ever again.
Really?
Yeah.
Damn.
How the hell do you get strep throat?
I've never had it.
What the hell is it?
It's like a really bad it's like a fever
it feels like nails in your throat
you like throw up a lot too right
no it's more like
I remember I tried to party at a philly's tailgate
with strep throat once and I nearly died
you just feel like you have the flu
but the throat is just
how do you get it is it very transmissible
like did you get the whole tailgate?
Has Nick been making out? I think it's a kissing disease.
Kissing disease. Uh-oh.
I wasn't kissing at 13.
It's definitely not only
from kissing. Yeah, I didn't get it. Oh, no. I got it
as a child. Yeah, I got it as a kid.
Who are you kissing? As a child,
I wasn't even IMing girls. Not from my main.
Pretending to be someone else.
The only way I could talk to girls on AIM was via a fake account.
Just popping up on their screen name.
How did you even get other people's screen names?
You had to copy and paste your most popular homie's buddy list.
That's right, the buddy list. Which was a thing you could do, yeah.
Or sometimes people in their away message or their profile or whatever
would have quotes back and forth from somebody.
You take that name.
Usually girls, and then you try and get
other girls' names through that.
I remember spending so much time on my away messages
to seem mysterious
to the guys I had crushes on.
Song lyrics with little pictures.
Never worked.
Never worked.
Let's get on there and chat.
What was that one
game that people... Snood?
Oh, I loved Snood.
I loved Snood.
I was back in my horny days.
You're not?
Yeah, a little bit, but not anymore.
They used to ask age...
I remember just playing
the game
yeah ASL
age sex location
oh yeah yeah
I'm trying to find
what game was that
hell yeah
that sounds like a blast
age sex location
what are you even doing
with the location
you weren't doing shit
with the location
and everyone was lying
about all of it
it was dudes all of it. It was dudes.
All of them.
It was always dudes.
It was beating off on opposite
computers.
It is funny to think back like
Internet 1.0 before everyone realized
it's just 90% dudes online.
All dudes.
The Coppin State.
Oh my god, yes.
I didn't see it. Holy shit. Well Oh, my God, yes. That's crazy. That is ridiculous.
I didn't see it.
Oh, what is it?
Holy shit.
Well, you go ahead.
Sorry.
You can jump in.
No, I'm sorry.
If I missed something.
The assistant coach, like former player at Coppin State,
was posing, made a fake account posing as a girl to talk to one of the players
on the team.
And he ended up getting dick pics from him.
And they went down such a weird rabbit hole where he convinced him as himself that he was also being blackmailed by this fake girl that he was
and said that we have to film ourselves having sex
or she will expose our dick pics.
What?
And the guy, he did that.
He agreed to that.
What?
Because the assistant coach was like, we have to do what she's asking us
because if we don't, I'm telling you, your whole career is ruined.
Everything's ruined.
You're going to get kicked out of school.
The assistant coach convinced this poor player that his life would be over.
Basketball.
And it turned out to be.
And I think, wasn't he also kind of doing it to other people?
I hope he's going to jail.
And the head coach is like the husband of one of the housewives of the Potomac.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, wow.
Juan Dixon did not report it.
Oh, Maryland?
No.
A player came to him with that, and he just ignored it.
No.
I never understood that with coaches like
just do the right thing in the moment that's just like nah there's gonna be a headache yeah
yeah joe paul 101 we don't want that and you didn't learn from joe paul but juan dixon had some
uh or even on the housewives he just he's a little bit shady you know what i mean he never hangs out
with the other husbands and shit like that he won't put a ring on robin's finger it's just like
fucking it's a little bit weird i listened to this podcast called dark net diaries and it talks about
like internet crimes and stuff like that and he said one of the most popular like scam like
creepy scams that happens is guys getting catfished for their nudes and then they get
blackmailed and it's like i have your. Like, if you don't give me money,
I'm going to release all this stuff you sent me.
Surprise, I'm not a girl.
Send me however much money.
And it happens so much more often.
And it happens apparently like all the fucking time.
I don't want to victim blame,
but I ain't fucking the coach.
Put my dick pics out there on a fucking flag.
Also, I ain't fucking the coach.
The blackmail thing,
if you got blackmailed,
no matter what, just put it out
before and be like, I'm getting blackmailed.
Fuck, yeah. I ain't fucking it.
I took an empathy
break to reread that part.
People would have
sympathy for you if you just came out and you're like,
I'm getting blackmailed.
Yeah, put your pics, you know what I mean? Start OnlyFans or some shit like that. I like i'm i'm getting blackmailed yeah put your put your picture you know what i mean start an only fans or some shit like that yeah like i'm i'm in the
middle of being blackmailed there's a couple famous people who have done that though right
letterman got blackmailed didn't he oh bezos too bezos did that yeah what was letterman's blackmail
didn't he have like a secret it was an affair with a co-worker right yeah it was like uh yeah he just
came out and said it right yeah i think it was gonna come out and so he just like whatever i had a marine buddy who was like got catfish like that sent a bunch of
nudes and then the person was like if you don't pay up whatever and he was like they're either
bluffing or whatever so he didn't pay up and they released all his nudes all over so he had to tell
his mom his grandmom everybody um marine he's probably jacked he was jacked he was in great shape
it was flattering
nudes
but that
yeah
it's your best nudes
your best shape of your life
that's what
there's a whole season
of American Vandal
about that
really
yeah
have you guys ever
seen that show
Jimmy Tater's
in the first season
that's incredible
the second season
was all about that
I didn't see the second one
yeah
I didn't see the second one either
I feel like if I was
in that position
at this point I'd just be like all right go to town any publicity is good publicity i don't know
put up a paywall and just fucking control the narrative i don't know what i'd do but that
sucks i'd hit up fucking chris jenner as a consultant be like what should i do help me
help me right now chris j, I'd make you a billionaire.
It's also like a federal crime now,
isn't it?
Oh, definitely.
Oh, yeah.
Revenge porn?
Revenge porn, yeah.
It is.
Well.
Yeah.
It is.
So you don't have to fuck your coach
in that situation.
Just let it be a word to the wise.
Tell Juan Dixon what she did.
It seems like he did.
Juan Dixon is...
I mean,
he's like making her...
He made her have like a private wedding where only like two people could come or whatever.
Just a selfish guy, like a me guy.
Like, make it about your wife for once, dude.
Did Juan get fired?
I'm guessing this is going to...
This case is going to blow up, right?
I was surprised it wasn't bigger.
I thought it was going to be bigger.
Is he still the coach?
Is this recent?
Yeah, this is ongoing.
How?
Maybe it happened last season, but they're just getting to it.
I don't know.
I just saw it on Twitter last week, and I couldn't believe it wasn't more of like a thing.
I'm sure it will.
Yeah, he's current head coach at Coppin State.
How are they doing?
Oh, the news, I feel like it's a very five days ago caught up in Coppin State.
Shit, they're undefeated.
All right, you can't fire him now.
Best season Coppin's had in fucking two decades.
Shout out Juan's mom.
Stupid bullshit.
Juanita, that's a power move.
Juanita to Juan?
Yeah.
He's a feminine junior.
Maternal junior.
That's a weak look, though.
It'd be tough to be a feminine junior.
Damn, Juan Dixon.
What are you doing?
Should we tell him that?
What?
Ask him that?
What are you doing?
What are you doing, dude?
Tweet at him or something.
Juan, bro, get your shit together.
Fuck.
Did you guys watch that Chris D'Elia documentary?
No.
I did.
Bad guy?
Another bad guy?
Real bad guy.
Bro, the virtue signaling on this show has no... I did. Bad guy? Another bad guy? Real bad guy. The virtue signaling on this show has no...
I know.
He's like back, isn't he?
No, I think he's unbacked now after this doc.
He'll be back.
He's going on tour.
He's got people opening up to him.
What was he starting, a sex school?
Yes.
Yes.
He was getting women to get the tattoos and stuff.
Tattoos and stuff, yeah.
I think the worst part was the two girls that he knew were in high school that he kept
trying. Yeah, that was. It's crazy too
that he literally played that character
in Me.
Is it Me? No, You. In You and
in Workaholics he plays a Justin
Bieber fan who's trying to get kids
dick pics. Also like every episode of his
podcast he's like, I'm starting a cult.
You guys are my cult followers now. Like that's
how he like called his listeners
yeah he has a god complex
yeah
he's escaping he's not
a fae like people are still
people still love him oh yeah I went on
the Chris D'Elia subreddit and they're
all like this isn't true none of
this is true it's because
of tiktok people who like fell in love
with his like goofy face making on TikTok.
This guy's the peak of comedy.
Are you serious, dude?
What?
What?
Yeah, he sucks.
This guy, Devin Costa, that me and Roan know, he has that video called
Cool Comics. It's like a sketch
that he does and it's just like a perfect
impersonation of Chris D'Elia. It's so
fucking funny. Also of like Aziz Ansari
and Andrew Schultz. He just like nails
like eight different people in one impression.
He's like, that's hilarious.
Can you pull it up, TJ?
Just for LOL.
Devin Costa, Cool Comics.
You've shown me him.
He's great.
I probably have.
I've retweeted it like 20 times.
He's so fucking cool.
He just like nails it.
I don't know how it's not bigger.
This dude is just fucking hilarious.
Blow him up.
We should.
Get the yak bump.
We should, bro.
We're kingmakers here.
He is a fucking...
I actually got a podcast out now with Ben Avery.
Lemon Party.
Tim Dillon's old producer.
Called Lemon Party?
Wait, so Ben Avery, I just saw that.
Ben Avery's producing it?
No, he's on it.
He's on it with him?
Yeah, it's their podcast.
And I think it's Ben Avery's brother as well.
Did Ben Avery introduce Devin Costa to Tim Dillon?
Or how did that work?
I have no idea.
Interesting.
It might be on Twitter if it's not on YouTube.
I would like someone to write a whole blog about all the comics and their inter...
You know what I mean?
How they all know each other.
Yeah, almost following NBA free agency.
Yeah.
Who's beefing with who?
It's old.
It's on his YouTube, yeah.
Is it on his YouTube?
Yeah.
Here we go.
This one is the other one.
The one with the cellar backdrop is better.
Oh, fine.
Give me a sec.
All right, brother.
Appreciate you.
What's his handle?
Devin Costa.
Yeah.
Next up.
He deserves it, bro.
He's fucking hilarious.
Hilarious, dude.
Big battle.
That's ass, dude.
Oh, man. Oh, fucking man. Jerry the fucking Steelers, dude. Big battle. That's ass. Man.
Oh, fucking man.
Jerry the fucking Steelers, bro.
Oh, man.
Kenny's the guy.
He is the guy.
Isn't it crazy how a couple weeks ago, and I don't mean this to throw you under the bus,
but I'm saying that people were like, Tomlin might have to go, and then suddenly...
People were saying mediocre Mike.
It happens every year, though.
I mean, listen.
He still hasn't done anything, really,
you know, in the last decade.
I still think he's such a good coach.
He's a great motivator.
People love playing for him.
Love to play for him.
Of course.
If you asked other teams, like, hey,
if you didn't have other players on different teams,
hey, if you take your coach aside,
who do you want to play for?
90% would say Mike Tomlin. He's like Dion. Yeah. Just's side. Who do you want to play for? 90% would say Mike Tomlin.
He's like Deion.
Yeah.
Just that super likability.
You just want to play for him.
You want to be around him.
You like the culture.
I saw that clip of him with Ryan Clark.
Because Ryan Clark was, he had, does he have sickle cell?
Yeah.
And it was Ryan Clark retelling the story about how he put together
a 30-minute presentation for Tomlin
of how he should play in Denver and how he should let him play in Denver.
And Tomlin just interrupted him two minutes in and was like,
if you were my son, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
And that's the type of guy they love to play for, who's thinking for his players.
It's dope.
There's even been stories, like Tomlin,
I forget who was telling me this story.
He was an ex-player for the Steelers.
He was telling me, you know, they would show up to practice,
and Tom was like, no, you don't got to go today.
Like veterans, you know?
Yeah, right.
And it got to the point where, like, players were like,
no, I want to practice. So he made these people think about, no, I have to practice, you know?
Yeah.
So what's the scenario right now
as far as getting that last seed?
Steelers win. Bills
beat the Patriots last week of the year.
Who knows what's going to happen with that?
And then the Jets
to beat the Dolphins.
It's doable without Tua.
Oh, yeah. 100%.
It's definitely in play.
Yeah, especially the Bills being in flux almost helps you a little bit.
Mike White playing for a contract, kind of like his whole future he's playing for.
See, I was thinking about it the opposite way, like, oh, the Jets are out to playoffs.
They're not going to play.
Oh, the Mike White part.
Yeah, but that's an important part.
He's literally playing for his livelihood.
And playing spoiler, that's an underrated motivator for teams.
Oh, yeah.
They love to, especially in division, they love to fuck you over.
Browns are playing for that.
How bad would that, how mad would that be?
Oh, dude.
Everything happened but.
That would be gut-wrenching, man.
What's the Browns' leg of it?
The Browns are playing the Steelers.
If the Browns beat the Steelers, none of this matters.
Oh, man.
That would be terrible.
TJ, you want to spin the wheel?
Yeah.
Oh, we got the video.
Is it this one?
Yeah, yeah.
You guys doing good?
Yeah.
My girl left me for a DJ.
Yeah.
Not like a disc jockey, but like a dude named DJ.
Y'all ever think about how trees are just if like a bush had a growth spurt?
I texted someone the other day and it turned green.
I felt like I was talking to a poor person.
I texted them like, yo, bro, you good?
And that's when I realized that babies are just fun sized adults.
Drake's emotional.
Imagine being married to Beyonce.ce drunk girls are wild you can't do that shit i tried and i was like yo is dj khaled a virgin
i don't know man like youth culture is making me broke like the other day i spent 120 on a
champion hoodie and i'm not even a champion it It's like, just leave Kylie Jenner alone, man.
She out here making billions.
What are you doing?
I eat pasta just like Chrissy Teigen and that's hilarious.
You know, if you watch Benjamin Button and Rewind, it's just him growing up normally.
It was hot the other day.
I ordered an Uber pool.
A dude named Mohammed shows up in a Camry.
I'm like, what? So I told my friend, you're not named Mohammed shows up in a Camry. I'm like, what?
So I told my friend, you're not you until you've had a Snickers.
Yo, who does that shit?
Does anyone do that?
Lil Wayne has this line where he says Ha ha Man I'm hilarious
You know white women they be like delish
Everyone's canceling Equinox
Equinox is like $200 a month
And I don't even work out I just be tweeting on the bench
A lot of people like
In comedy they do like coke and shit
When I'm more of like a pop rocks guy
I was like yo
what is this stranger things i don't know if you guys know but like hot girl summer's out
it's now pumpkin spice winter yo this dude definitely doesn't eat pussy
hey y'all my name's ari co Cohen Have a good night Who's next?
Who's Louis C.K.? I like the white girls
Yeah
That's the comedy
That a lot of people
They love that
A lot of people
Fucking love that
Yeah
And he nailed
The fact that he just nailed
So many people
Is hilarious
Yeah
He's got a bunch of those like that.
He's funny.
All right, next up, Devin Costa with an A.
Yeah.
With an A.
Hell yes.
Are there nights, like, wherever you do what you do,
where, like, as a collective group,
you know what you do?
Like, you know, I don't know.
Your little thing.
But, like, where one particular person shows up
and everybody's like, oh, God, this person's here.
Is that, like, or no, it's not like that.
No, you say no.
That's you.
No, I don't.
There are people that he talks behind their back.
There's definitely people.
No, no, no.
Is there like a clickiness to it?
That's what I want.
Like, I want the whole story of who hates who wrestling.
No, because I think it's like especially in New York.
There's so many comics on one show that it doesn't really matter who's coming.
Yeah, it's enough of a mix.
Unless it's like everyone sucks, then that sucks.
But there's annoying people, though.
Like, there's annoying comics who you run into.
Yeah, but you can just ignore them.
Yeah, easy enough.
That's not the answer I wanted, Sass.
I wanted that.
He's not going to give you anything juicy. That's good to hear.
Spin the wheel.
Should we do a redemption spin of my wheel at some point?
Because we had to, I know there was people, it was right before break, we did a wheel
that we had to be very tight on regulators.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It cuts the part.
No, we should.
We have to.
Yeah, because I know people were upset.
That's actually a reason why you should watch the act live.
You never know what gets cut.
You never know what gets cut.
So, yeah, we'll do it.
Maybe Thursday we'll just spin my wheel.
I'll come up with something else for 10x money.
You can think of something different because there's some shit on my wheel.
That would be fun.
Whoa!
What?
Jesus Christ.
Do that again.
Do that again.
That's great.
Oh my God.
Shit.
Have we sold out?
That's awesome.
Oh, I like the logo on that.
Dude, that is awesome.
It's like a Michael Bay movie.
I could watch this forever.
It's fucking crazy.
Yep.
That's awesome. It's like a Michael Bay movie. I could watch this forever. It's fucking crazy. Yep. It's awesome.
Damn.
I'm getting a little sick.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Let that shit down.
What the fuck?
All right.
DJ, spin that shit.
I really want it to be Fart Olimator.
Oh, my God. Oh my god.
Oh!
Yes!
Oh, fuck.
So is it today?
Right now.
Oh no!
Shit.
So the rule on Fart Eliminator is
the show ends when the last person farts into the microphone.
Okay, and don't wait until you're into your own microphone.
That microphone on the way out. If you have a fart. Jamaican beef patties or something like that. I don't have to fart Into your own microphone That microphone On the way out
If you have a fart
Jamaican beef patties
Or something like that
I don't have to fart at all
I have not
I have no farts
In the tank right now
I got nothing
I emptied out this morning
I had so many
I had so many this weekend
That's why you were late
I think I have one
But I don't know
I have one
I think I can get one out
A swallow air
Do you get to leave
Once you fart
Yeah you know
You fart in the mic
And then you're out.
Oh, no.
You can order food.
All right, all right.
Ordering food would help.
What's the fastest food we could get to be here?
I feel like Jamaican beef patty is guaranteed farts.
Empanadas or some shit like that.
Dairy.
Dairy.
Milkshakes.
Beans?
Can you get beans?
Oh, my God.
Maybe soda?
Does swallowing air do something?
Soda might burp and then you might lose all your gas.
Don't want to burp right now.
Do you get unlimited tries?
You have to have unlimited tries.
My butthole is tightening up too.
I think I'd shit if I tried to fart right now.
If I pushed too hard, I'd poop myself.
The reality of it makes me...
Yeah, no poop myself. The reality of it makes me... I am.
No, fuck.
I had a kid that I went to high school with that used to be able to punch the side of his butt like this
and it would rip a fart for him.
I don't know if this is going to help.
Jerry, do you have a fart?
I feel like you do.
I'm going to go do it.
I could clean for all you guys.
Keep the mic on.
Are we allowed to leave?
My thing is if I stand up, I think it's going to go away.
Where are you going?
That might work, yeah.
I don't have to go even a little bit.
Are we allowed to go pick up rations?
I think you have to get them delivered.
Can I go to the kitchen?
No, you can't leave the room.
Spider's going to Get me beans
I don't know
That might be
What
Can you tell him
To get me a soda
I gotta get
McDonald's or something
This is gonna take forever
I was trying to do
Like a baby
Like a soda pop
Can you ask if you
Can get me a diet coke
Oh can you
It's not diet
I signed it back
Where is he
Can you see if he
Can bring ice cream And a Diet Dr. Pepper?
Not over here.
Oh, here we go.
Everyone, shh.
Dude.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Pack it up.
Oh, no.
He's got one.
Boys. You boys don't have anything.
Boys, don't Bogart the mic.
I might shit, dude.
I might shit.
This is my favorite slice of the wheel.
It has to stay on at all times.
Oh, no.
Dude, I can't.
I can't.
I'm just going to wait because I know I'll have one.
Did you text Spider yet?
Yeah, I just texted him Diet Cokes and beans.
Can you ask for ice cream?
Like, even, you know, if he's going to CVS, like a frozen ice cream, something or other.
Fuck, man.
And a soda of some sort. That stuff makes me shit.
Venmo.
I know.
And I don't know the difference.
You know what I mean?
I don't have a guaranteed difference.
Oh, smart.
I think you guys are going to overthink it and you're going to force yourself into a
constipation. Constipation? No.
I'll shit myself. Stephen, you have
to fart too.
No. I already told Stanko I got one.
I got one. So come do it.
It'll be...
Can I do this one? Can I use this mic?
Your own mic? That's gross.
I don't want to ruin
my image as the hot girl of the show.
We won't show
Kate's on video.
We'll just sound.
So TJ, do not
lose all of our fans if they find out
the girls fart.
No, you have to fart in that one on the way out.
I got one in the chamber.
Can we move it away?
Oh, I got one.
Go, go, go, go, go, Sass.
Sit where Sass is sitting, Kate.
Got one?
Are you positive?
No, because I'm going to stand up and it's going to go away.
That's what happened to me.
I think I have it.
No, it's gone.
I went away.
You can't stand up for it.
Sit where Sass is sitting so you don't have to deal with it.
You can't stand up. This could We're assassin cities. You don't have to deal with hours. You can't stand up.
This could be hours. What if it's
silent? No, it has to
be. You have to. Oh, but Dan,
I don't know, man. Yeah, it has
to be. We have to hear it. Yeah.
You have to hear it. What if it stinks?
You gotta hear it or smell it. If there's
a unanimous consensus
on it. Yeah, it's gotta be everyone. A discernible odor,
then maybe.
I haven't even tried yet.
I think I have one, but I don't want to waste it.
I have not.
I got nothing.
Somebody shit themselves at the Arizona Bowl,
and I don't want to say who.
In fact, I won't say who.
What?
Now you have to say. I can't.
Come on, Rowan.
I can't.
It was someone that was down there.
I mean, think of all the Barstool personalities
that were at the field level.
I mean, everybody's going to say me.
Well, you know it wasn't you.
You're here.
Suspect 7?
I can't say anything else.
If we were to do a suspect list, would this person be Suspect 7?
Obviously, he'd be on the list.
But you think that he would come to me and be like...
Oh, someone came to you?
No.
Well, no. I was around when it happened. I'm going to keep digging here. You think that he would come to me and be like Oh someone came to you No well
I was around when it happened
I'm going to keep digging here
We're going to find it
You think the revitalize is going to get it out of you KB
Spiders coming back with
Look what we have
I might eat this tree
I might eat this tree
I think I have one
But I don't I'm really nervous I'm just scared to this tree. I think I have one, but I don't. I'm really nervous.
I'm just scared to shit my pants.
Got one.
Sass says he has one.
Oh, oh, oh.
But now I lost it.
I lost it.
It goes away.
Because it re-gouges.
Oh, dude.
It goes away as soon as you say it.
Ah.
I think your best bet is hoping for a long one.
If he's going up.
If I'm high-waisted jeans, I'm not in a sex way.
I'm unbuttoning the top.
Sorry.
TJ, make sure Kate's not on camera when it happens.
She'll be on camera during all of ours.
Yeah.
Can we Google how to make yourself fart?
Can you?
Do you think you actually can? There's definitely a way. Yeah. Can we Google how to make yourself fart? Can you?
Do you think you actually can?
There's definitely a way.
Sugar?
This is going to take forever.
Like Swedish fish make me have.
Swedish fish make me. Swedish fish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Big head, is Spider still there?
He just left.
Swedish Fish would be farting like crazy.
He'd be cracking into the pez.
Like I could, I don't know, this could be dangerous for the bowels.
Trying to force a fart out.
Yeah.
You know if you force pee out, you can blow out your urethra.
That's what I'm scared of.
Yoga poses.
Lying on your back, bring your knees close to your chest.
Huck your chin.
Hold for 30 seconds.
I mean, this is bad.
You going for it?
I think so.
I think so.
I'm going to put the headphones in.
I want to hear it. now went back in i can tell
tell by the face as soon as you stand up it goes away it's so shameful because we are just all
straining our bowels to try and make ourselves. I almost pissed myself.
Actually, that might be what I have to do.
Piss, piss in a body armor bottle.
What?
Standing there.
I put it in my pants.
Put my dick in the hole.
Start pissing.
I will probably fart.
Oh, I'm feeling movement.
Same, but I'm like if you shit yourself, it's getting...
This show is literally never going to end.
Shit yourself is getting out of jail free, though, right?
Yeah, that is it.
Proof of shit yourself.
100%.
I'd rather just shit myself.
Than fart.
Is that...
Are you saying that's fair?
Yeah.
I'll shit myself right now.
Fair?
Why?
Why would you want to do that?
Go, go, go, go, go.
Staying low to keep the fart.
I think you gotta be able to do it into your own microphone.
Yeah.
So you could do it.
Why is there kind of a turn off to watch you guys fail?
Turn off?
It would be way more attractive if you guys didn't fail and farted.
If I could go into my mic, I could do it right now.
No problem.
I should put the mic on the ground and lay next to it, sit next to it.
Oh.
Yeah.
If that's the case, I'm done.
Hey, you can move that mic how you see fit just there has to be we can't be farting in everyone's mic multiple shows in here here we go all right attempt number three
god God. Slate on your side.
I can't look at him.
It's too personal.
Oh, fuck.
I'm locking up, man. It's a nervous bladder thing.
No, that was gone.
Yo, can you kind of like pedal my legs for me, bro?
You got one?
Did they say with the yoga pump?
Hey, bring your knees to your chest, yep.
And tuck your chin.
I think I might just be a sitting fart, or i think i might just need to sit when i do
oh my god
fuck man this sucks if you have someone push your knees in like with a baby when they're
constipated like don't pedal my knees
pedal him like this. Push him into his stomach.
I might be caught.
I didn't think I'd let it out.
This might be the best start to a season ever.
All right, Spider's here.
Let's see what Spider got.
Thank you, Spider.
You're our king.
Yeah, thanks, Spider.
Beans are in there.
Yeah, let's see what we got.
We got beans.
Oh, lots of chips.
My, my.
Bro, it.
It came to the.
Ice creams. Oh, thank you. I need those. Oh oh that's a lot of ice creams oh my god oh what's this vienna sausage oh i'll do the pork rinds
all right
now people are gonna be now we're eating.
Dude, I was getting so close, but literally
I feel like a turd crowned towards
my butthole.
Towards my b-hole.
The first one's gonna be electric.
Jerry!
No.
Hey, do chips make you guys fart?
I think the spice and chips make things move.
Like the spiciness.
You guys are gonna want a couple of these.
Yeah.
Okay.
I got a couple.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Someone's going to be in here.
All right.
Pardon me while I take out my adult braces.
Oh, yeah.
It's already moving.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good. Yeah, I got it. I got it. I got it. Oh, whoa, whoa, yeah. It's already moving. Yeah, it's good. It's good.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Yes!
Yes!
Wow.
Fuck yeah.
Wow. That was so good
I'm crying
You can be excused whenever you want
I think you can walk out
I want to stay and watch the farts.
That's fair.
That's actually nice.
I didn't get to hear it into the microphone.
It sounded like brr.
Yeah.
Did you eat that?
Yeah.
Have some of this.
Oh, I think I got one too.
Oh, wow.
Everybody who eats the Jacklings.
I want just like a loud one.
I'm laughing.
I'm laughing too hard.
I'm like watching his butthole as if I'm going to see the fart.
I can't look.
Oh, no.
I got to pee.
Can I go pee?
I can't pee?
Can I pee in the bottle?
You can't go.
Can we play audio of other people farting?
I can't go?
I don't give a
you can go pee
I don't care
I thought you can't
leave the room until
oh I know I know
so I'm gonna pee in this bottle
but then
then there's gonna be
HR issues
so you tell me
what I'm allowed to do
let me turn my chair around
what did you get
kinda like a
you might have gotten
a little one
that was that was the crown of the of a shirt of a shirt kinda like you almost shit yourself What did you get? Kind of like a... You might have gotten a little one. That was...
That was...
The crown of the...
Of a shit.
Of a shirt.
Kind of like you almost shit yourself.
Yeah.
Fuck.
I'm just going to crawl.
The KB pedaling was...
That was working.
It was just driving the shit towards my ass.
Oh, God.
We're all just trying so hard.
No one's even talking.
Can I just run and get a water?
Oh, my God.
I don't think I'm doing it. Just ask and get you a water.
Ask him I'm running and getting me a water? Yeah, I'll get you a water. Zass, do you mind running and getting me a water?
Yeah, I'll get you a water.
Can you grab one of the room temperature ones?
There's like a package of room temperature ones.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell is peeing going to do?
I think if I'm peeing, I'll fart.
Does anyone else need a water?
How do you have a microphone?
I'm going to put...
I know exactly what I'm going to do.
TJ, you got to make sure that you don't...
Show his dick.
Show my dick.
I know exactly...
Yeah.
All right.
Are you going to go?
No.
I know exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to pee in that corner with the microphone in my ass.
Which corner?
That one.
Okay.
Not yet. Not Okay. Not yet.
It's all
turning into burps for me.
I know.
I know.
Truly the dumbest
thing we've ever done.
Thank you.
My favorite part
about the Yak is if you just
tune into one show,
it does seem like a show That we're actively
Trying to get people
To not watch
Like we're trying to
Drive viewership down
I could honestly
I think I could get
A couple more out
Once now I got them going
Well the pressure's off For you Sass When KB was pedaling Like that I could honestly, I think I could get a couple more out once now I got them going.
Well, the pressure's off for you, Sass.
When KB was pedaling like that, I really felt like I was trying to make myself come.
Yeah.
I felt like I was on the verge of an orgasm.
I was like, let me focus, let me focus, let me focus.
I'm not.
This is not a fall.
No, no, no, no.
I'm just moving.
Sass, I'm so jealous of you.
IBS, man.
I started my diet today, too, so I didn't eat anything for breakfast.
Oh, no.
Are you doing a particular kind of diet?
Not eating?
Sausages, bro.
Yeah.
I need to create an unholy mixture inside my stomach of dairy and meat and some of these pork rinds.
I just burped.
That's not what I needed.
Ew!
What is that?
Ew, this is dog food.
Don't eat that, Ron.
That'll just make you throw up.
If you throw up, that counts as a fart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's go.
I don't even want to look at you eat that.
I can't look away.
Look at the way it jiggles like pillow.
What is a Vienna sausage?
Oh my god, dude.
That makes me sick.
Put that away, dude.
We should do throw up wheel.
Yeah. be an associate. Oh my god, dude, that made me suck, Cap. Put that away, dude. We should do throw up wheel.
Are you running up the score on us?
Oh, I thought you were about to go do it again. I was like,
motherfucker.
Whenever I was hung over and I needed to throw up, I would go to the
toilet and I would think about ketchup covered in
pubes. Oh, KB's up. KB's up.
I'm just doing the tactile. Oh, ketchup covered in pubes. Oh, KB's up. KB's up. I'm just doing the tactile.
Oh, ketchup covered in pubes.
Yeah, for some reason that worked like every time.
Oh, that actually is going to make me throw up.
Glenn Howard from the Always Sunny,
he says that when he's constipated, he'll picture a dog pooping.
And it helps him poop.
Damn.
Sucks.
Dude, this is crazy.
Strainless.
His face got so red.
We're going to be in here forever.
Wait some time I'm doing
I'm trying to think what I can eat, what I can order.
He's just taking a stroll. This is hilarious.
This is so ridiculous.
Imagine listening to this on a podcast.
No.
It's a lot of dead air.
It's big for our ASMR fans.
I really don't fart like that.
I'm trying to tell you guys.
It just doesn't happen like that?
I just don't fart that much.
I remember one time someone told me that if you need to get farts out, you rub your stomach at the bottom like this.
Don't do that.
Usually with the baby, you just do the V.
Yeah.
Like the V.
Push them in.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
I just ordered three Polo Asado bowls with spicy salsa extra beans.
That'll get the job done.
So anyone who wants some of that can get it.
Come on, Jerry.
Come on, Jerry.
Come on, Jerry.
Maybe we should talk about something else.
Yeah.
The more I think about it, the worse.
I think I was just fired up to get some food, and then I forgot about it.
Steven, do you have one?
I'm working on it.
Oh, no.
It's tough because I'm in a similar boat as you where I have to pee.
Yeah.
And I feel like if I force it, I am going to pee my pants.
I think I'm just going to have to pee in the corner.
I think, Steven, because you're so buttoned up and clean cut,
I hope you have the grossest, messiest fart.
I hope your fart just shocks us.
Has anyone done some squats?
I feel like that would help.
Oh, the worst used to be when you had to do the sit-ups in gym class
and being afraid you were going to let one slip.
These are the moments that always make you laugh
when people are like, it doesn't happen anymore
but when people used to be like
Big Cat's leaving Barstool
for ESPN
Look at KB
Oh my god
KB
Show this couple of us
the dead bodies around
just lying around trying to fart.
KB's up.
KB's going for it.
You don't want too much strain, remember.
I know, I keep straining too much.
Let the bowels do their work.
Don't burp, dude.
I can't help it.
A burp is not what you want
that just set you back
at least an hour
Jesus Christ
I have
I have rectal traffic
I don't know what it is
I don't know what matter
I mean you made yourself
sneeze the other week so
you did
that was crazy
you can make this happen too
that same tactic might work
tickling the orifice.
This is so funny.
I'm just going to walk. What are those?
Poor crimes.
Poor crimes, yeah.
Poor crimes?
I don't think I've ever had a poor crime.
Very good.
First for everything. You know what it is too
I had takis last night
I bet that's why
I got the first fart
the hell are you doing
having takis
on a fucking Monday night
my boys were over
who
my friends from home
they're in New York
one of them's still here
the others who left
hey we get some pork bro
alright Jared come on Jared Hey, we got some pork, bro.
The wheels are cracking.
All right, Jer.
Come on, Jer.
Oh, hold on.
Hold on.
Jerry might have something.
Jerry's working.
No.
I don't think squatting down like that is how I get mine.
No.
I think I gotta be laying on my back.
This ain't happening tonight.
I wanna do the piss thing, but I feel like it might be weird.
A little bit.
Yeah, I think people are gonna not like it.
Especially when someone walks down.
I really want to do it, and I think I can pull it off, but I just think people are going to be really judging.
Go pee.
Just go pee.
Rowan said I can't leave the room.
What if you record sound while you do it?
If you can bring it back in here with proof that you farted.
I wouldn't believe it.
I wouldn't believe that.
He's going to be like.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
Well, no, the problem is that you have to pee, and you think if you fart, you're going to piss yourself, right?
Yes, exactly.
I don't.
But if you fart out there, it doesn't count.
Right.
Yeah.
No, I would go and pee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I'd come back and try to fart.
I could not have less fart in me right now.
I'll use this bathroom right here.
You can watch me go and come back.
You want to get a spy cam? I could not have less fart in me right now. I'll use this bathroom right here. You can watch me go and come back.
You want me to get a spy cam?
It would be so funny if you just shit all over the mic.
I just think that I think HR, I feel like if I pee in this room with other people in this room, a female as well,
I feel like I'll get an email being like, hey, dude, don't do that.
What if you go in the booth?
Remember when I used to piss in the sink?
I got yelled at for that.
God damn it.
Bullshit.
Can't do anything anymore. In the next 15 minutes, I think if nothing happens, I think you could be able to pee.
Yeah, I think so.
Because I would pee and then come back.
And then, all right, I'm going to try again.
Now I've tightened my jeans and hope it makes it like a dam. Like a gas bubble kind of. He's going for it. And then I all right, I'm going to try again. Now I've tightened my jeans and hope it makes it like a dam.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a gas bubble kind of.
He's going for it.
And then I'll release.
Oh.
I hope so.
Cross legs.
Got it in a figure four.
I'm going to pee.
I'm going to pee.
I'm going to pee.
I can't do it.
It sucks you're wearing gray sweats.
I'll piss myself.
There's no one.
I need someone to have like a big one.
I'm just debating about just shitting myself I have to pee so bad too
I think at 3 o'clock we allow pees
Yeah
I had a baby I can't hold it
No I'm just hoping that I can make something
Shitting yourself is on the table right
Yes
I'm going for it right now
No no no, no, no, no.
You don't.
What do you need?
Jerry, at least you're going to do it.
Don't sit in the chair.
And if you're going to do it, go at least there because maybe you can get a fart before the shit comes out.
I mean, maybe.
What do you need proof as?
You could just shit yourself right there.
There's no way.
How do I piss my pants?
I can piss my pants?
Dude, I'm trying so hard.
I feel like this shit is almost about to come out.
So bad.
But I also feel like I could pink sock myself if I push too hard.
Like my anus might prolapse.
Dude.
Ooh, Jerry, nice joggers.
Are those rowbacks?
Rowbacks.
Those are nice as hell.
I'm sure that would mean a lot to the rowback boys.
Perfect joggers to shit yourself in.
What else should I eat?
What else should I eat?
I'm on a diet, but at this point, the diet is irrelevant.
I need to get out of here.
I would say ice cream.
Something with ice cream.
Dairy.
Oh, KB.
Oh!
KB!
My boy, KB. Yeah! That's! KB! My boy, KB!
Yeah!
That's my fucking guy!
That's why I love this dude.
That was a brain fart.
Oh, he's leaving.
Oh, no.
That was awesome, KB.
Let's go.
Hell yes.
That was the cutest moment.
We're also at the perfect point where I think that viewership would suffer if we don't get
at least a fart every 10 minutes.
It's got to be a payoff.
And then whenever Zal gets back, we have to play him the farts and he has to guess who's farting.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
That's a great idea.
And he'll know.
Somehow he'll know all of them.
His fart was a little crunchy.
Can I lick it?
Yeah.
One lick.
A must-eat.
Yours did smell a little bit old.
I'm not even...
It's not even on the radar.
I think Swedish Fish is what we need.
I need to just piss myself, I think.
I need to piss my pants.
If I piss my pants, that's not...
I think you're releasing too much gas.
You're burping.
Yeah, you're burping.
You're burping.
Oh, imagine... Oh, imagine.
Oh, fuck.
I honestly think like one beer, too, would turn things around.
If I just.
Oh, a beer.
Oh.
You know what?
Jerry's eating a little ice cream cone right there.
Yeah, it's got gotta be a beer I feel like beer and like
ice cream together that's unholy
should I crack open one of these high noons
no but high noon doesn't do it
because there's so much malt it's so delicious
is the problem
I got a shit
no malt
there's no malt
Malt's what makes you
Fart
What a start
To season 10
Nicotine
Oh
Nicotine
I got it
I'm going right now
Apple juice too
Is a big one
My breath smells
Terrible right now
Pork rinds and Vienna sausages
And ice cream And fucking Diet Coke.
Who pooped themselves at the Arizona Bowl?
I can't say.
We're trying. We got two done.
KB and
Sass.
Best athletes on the show.
KB and Sass.
Huge help, Spider.
Yeah, thanks, Spider.
Oh, man. IB and Sass. Huge help, Spider. Yeah, thanks, Spider. Oh, man.
I'm worried about you guys.
Yeah.
I'll be honest, bro.
I mean, you can eat your way out of this.
There definitely is a way to eat your way out of this.
All my gas comes through my mouth.
Dude, I burp everything.
You just don't fart?
It just comes the other way.
One beer and like uh
and some spicy nuggets from wendy's you're gonna be shitting sass farting your fucking brain i keep
thinking i need to fart but the problem is every time i get up there i gotta pee
sass talks about farts like a samoye i just know what makes me fart i remember i was driving home
from new york once and i got the spicy nuggets from Wendy's
and it was a fucking war zone in the car.
It was a fire fight.
Yeah.
How many ice creams is that, Jerry?
Two.
Yeah, I feel like getting a couple ice creams.
But my body is not even hitting my stomach yet.
I had like a gallon of Friendly's ice cream last night and this morning.
I felt like-
It was horrendous.
Once a day. It was this morning.
That was a whole day later.
Is Sassi about to go back and fart again?
Yeah, he's going to run it up on us.
What a flex that would be.
Can Sassi donate farts to people?
I have to.
I'm not close, dude. I'm not even
close.
I'm not even close. I feel like I'm just hurting myself
I have to go pee
I gotta do it
But I'll be back
Okay
Don't worry
I'll be back to part
And to the mic
I just want to shit myself
And get it over with man
Maybe Zach's talk Talk Oh yeah my bad Sorry I just want to shit myself and get it over with, man.
He's asking him to talk.
He's talking to talk.
Oh, yeah, my bad.
It's all right.
Jerry?
Hmm?
How you doing?
Not good.
Good?
No.
Bad.
Bad?
Real bad.
Why?
Because you can't get a fart out?
Nope.
Maybe, oh, yeah, step on my stomach.
Step on my belly. I'm trying to think of, like, what else makes me fart.
Jerry, step on my belly.
I'm not stepping on your belly.
Usually, if I drink a lot of beers, I fart a lot.
Throw me the mic.
Throw me the mic.
I mean, like, the...
I don't know if that's going to work on Big Cat.
You're barely scratching the surface.
Your son's got a lot of, probably I'd assume, a smaller body than Big Cat.
I don't think he's lightly touching his stomach.
I don't think he's just lightly grazing his stomach.
Put a little pressure, though. grazing his stomach.
I'm gonna have another Vienna sausage, dude.
I don't know what to fucking do.
I'm telling you, man.
Throw up? Just throw up? One beer and some sort of fast food.
Game over.
This is so... I'm having another sausage, bro.
Ew, dude.
I actually can't believe you're eating that.
I'm trying to make myself fart, dude.
It's not like I'm...
That's going to give you diarrhea.
All of this is going to give me diarrhea. That's gonna give you diarrhea. All of this is gonna give me diarrhea.
That's how it comes out.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, he's got one.
Oh!
Oh, no, that was real?
Oh, it smells too.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
When I spun over, it just came out.
It was deep.
It's a smell.
Holy shit.
I thought you made that noise with your mouth.
Fuck yes.
That sounded fake.
Dude, the spin over.
I don't know if you guys, like, I don't know if it's replicable. Fuck yes. That sounded fake. Dude, the spin over. I don't know if you guys
like...
I went from my back to my stomach
and it just...
You gotta listen.
Play it back to me. Massive one.
You gotta listen to mine. Massive one.
That was awesome. That was shocking.
That was like if you look up fart sound
effect, that's what it plays.
Oh my god. Oh, my God.
I feel great.
Sounded like a whoopee cushion.
Shocking.
No, that was real?
Oh, my God.
Play it once more.
Play it one more.
That's so good.
Oh, he's got one.
Oh!
No!
No!
No, that was real?
I need that clip.
Someone text me that clip.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
And triumphantly raising your head?
That was crazy.
Oh, fuck.
Can I ask you guys how good it feels?
It felt so good, dude.
I didn't like that.
I'm telling you, I don't know if you can replicate it.
It was a real fart.
But laying on my back and then switching to my stomach, that motion just pushed it out.
That was fucking awesome.
I think it was Jerry caressing the tummy.
It's the stomach thing, bro.
Just lightly grazing the stomach.
Oh, my God.
That was so awesome.
I feel like a champion.
Jerry, you did that so gently that it just made me think that you're a great dad.
How do you know when you have to start farting your baby when you do that whole thing?
They start crying.
They seem upset and you've run out of other options.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, what the hell else could it be? Farts.
Oh, fuck.
Fart Eliminator has to stay on the wheel
forever. This is so funny.
It's once every
three months just have to do this.
What was that how was that noise that was what i do because i can't burp
it just does that
this is uh this is a piece of yak history but a true story is that when we were coming up with
the name of this show one of the finalists for the name was the Fart Box. What? Yes.
Oh yeah, that's right.
It was Roan, me, and
Che, and we were Fart Box.
That's a solid name. Who doesn't turn
into the Fart Box? Right. This is
the Fart Box.
Full circle.
Gotta get another water. Does anyone
want anything? I could
actually get a water.
Okay.
Maybe that sounds like there's a demon inside of you trying to escape.
Oh my god, I feel so good.
You should.
You hit a home run.
That was.
I knocked it out of the park.
I was weak as fuck.
I know.
I feel bad about mine now.
I'm not going to be on any fart compilation.
No.
Not after that. I don't know. And on any fart compilation. No. Not after that.
And that's what you got to top, Roan.
Jerry, what are you doing?
You're watching a video on how to fart? I think listening to it could help.
He said, if you swallow enough air and then stand on your head,
you're not going to let it out your mouth.
You're going to fart.
All right, so let's go.
You want me to hold you up?
I'll hold you up.
KB, get the mic ready. You're going to fart. All right, so let's go. You want me to hold you up? I'll hold you up. KB, get the mic ready.
You're going to hold his...
He's going to stand on his head.
Yeah, you should do that.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, here we go.
I got you, Jer.
I want to swallow enough air, though.
All right, but you can still swallow when you're on your head.
Does swallowing air actually...
What if he still shits?
He just shits up.
We got this, Jer.
It's not going to come out.
No, it is.
It is.
Like a geyser?
Yeah.
Go straight into the air.
You sound like a bulldog.
Yeah.
Make yourself hyperventilate
Get him up!
Nothing, nothing, nothing!
Dude I ain't getting out of this fucking room, man.
I'm legit crying.
Oh my God.
This is like the Saw VI.
None of you can leave the room until you fart.
I've left various Mars products.
I need that clip.
You give me that clip, Steven?
Oh my God.
The Mexican food's on its way so I won't eat any. You guys have it.
Beans.
I don't even know if beans will do it. I think I need
a cold beer, bro.
The more you eat, the more you chew.
I think a beer is...
Grab you guys a beer?
Grab us some beers.
That's really why I don't drink beer that much.
Form into a cup.
No free ads.
Oh, man.
Anything that...
The heavier and darker, the better.
IPAs, stouts, something disgusting.
IPAs get me going.
Come on, Jer.
I don't got it in me, man.
You sound like a fighter in the corner.
I can't go another round
i've never been like so pleased to give myself gastrointestinal problems like i feel like i
feel terrible in my stomach and like gut but i i feel like i'm working towards something but i'm also
not close you're not close no air is going that way i think there's no see i felt that i felt the
uh the bit the traffic coming down the canal and i knew something was you can feel it when
something's coming i got back from the airport at fucking 6 a.m. Or like 8 a.m. rather. Shit then.
Slept for three hours.
Shit again.
I've been emptying myself.
Yeah, your rhythm's off.
Yeah.
I'm screwed.
Fuck, man.
Oh!
What you mean, oh?
I just felt a little something.
Did your water just break?
No, I just, you know, every now and then
I picture like bubbles all around in there
And you feel a bubble move
Does that make sense?
I feel like something just shifted
That's a good idea
Let the fart come to you
Stop looking for the fart
It's like hunting for a
200 inch buck
Sucks I can't force a quiff It's like hunting for a 200-inch buck.
Sucks I can't force a quiff.
I mean, no one would know.
Nobody would know.
I'd be out of here in no time.
I'm not gifted that way.
Rowan, can you just stretch my legs back?
I'm not that flexible.
I'm doing the 15-minute pee break from that I'll come back and have one
I was confident of Che
yeah it was
come back and have one
I'm gonna burp
hold up hold up
hold up, hold up, hold up. Shh.
Shh.
This is the stupidest thing.
Jerry's is going to be monstrous when it does come out.
Yeah.
Come out of nowhere, like ABBA's latest album.
I feel like they've progressively been getting... Well, Sass is just pretty
punchy.
Fucking shit, man.
ABBA's album was nominated for a Grammy.
You know, with the
Grammy snub jid.
Put this on the wheel. I will be honest I almost did shit myself
Me too yeah
Yeah it was very close
It was very close
Ron's being very zen.
Oh, we got the beer.
Get up, get a beer.
Thank you, Sass.
Thank you.
Oh, it's ice cold.
It's a nice dark amber color.
Spears want to be.
Jerry, you want me to rub your belly?
No.
I'll do the same thing.
The Vs help.
Let me do it. Come on, let to rub your belly? No. I'll do the same thing. The Vs help. That's really good.
Let me do it.
Come on, let me rub your belly.
It doesn't work on men.
But it just worked on me.
I'm not a man.
Here we go.
Who wants some?
Woo.
No sorrows.
Thank you.
Thank you.
With the beer especially.
I'll put it up.
It's going to make me shit.
This is going to make you fart like crazy.
I can already feel the beer going through your system, brother.
You guys should be eating.
You guys should be nonstop ingesting.
Clips of us just walking around aimlessly.
They said he's going to come back with one.
Oh, the beer is a game changer too.
The beer is going to make you fart.
Did you smell mine?
Yeah, it was bad.
Sorry. Just you smell mine? Yeah, it was bad. Sorry.
Just beans and meat?
Yeah, just beans and meat.
The workers are probably like, oh, they're probably doing a fart thing.
Fart eliminator.
I did extra beans.
Thank you.
Come on, Jerry.
This will get it.
I'm telling you, this will get it.
Let's see.
You got forks?
This is a lot of beans.
Forks in there?
Just beans and meat. Sully, can you grab us some forks?
I don't think
anyone looks at me and is like,
oh, she doesn't fart.
Every time Sas gets up, I'm like,
he's running it up.
I'm just a hungry boy.
I feel stage fright a little bit.
Spicy?
It's a little spicy, but the spice helps.
The spice with the beer uh these beans are
gonna do the trick yeah oh god oh god if anyone else wants some of this beans and meat mixture
please okay jerry let me rub your belly i'm gonna eat all these beans And then I'll rub your belly? I think that's what I'm going to do Alright, okay I think if I chug
Eat up, eat up
I'm going to wait for a fork
Man, this is a little spicy too
Yeah
I thought the spice would help
Where's this from?
Dos Toros
I have no idea what this is
It's delightful There we go
Fasoli's got forks
Thank you Fasoli
Top G
Jerry's been
He's been getting censored
By the Pittsburgh Steelers Instagram page.
Censored?
Yeah.
For what?
After every game, he writes top G as a comment and they delete it.
What?
That's crazy.
You can't keep my boy down.
Yeah.
It's fucked up.
Yeah.
They actually delete it? Yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah. Hey, I actually delete it.
Yeah.
That's fucking crazy.
It's so funny that Jerry just keeps going back to the top G.
Same result over and over.
That's wild.
Yeah.
You guys got this.
Steven?
Oh, shh.
Steven. Steven's putting one on his pussy. Yeah. You guys got this Steven Oh Shh Steven
Steven's putting one on his pussy
I know
Oh he's squeezing hard
Well you know what
Is your mic on?
Don't waste it
I don't think your mic's on
I don't think his mic's on
Oh imagine that
Mic's on mic's on
Okay mic's on mic's on
Okay
That would be horrible
Come on Steven
No I'm not there yet
It's spicy
You know why he has it in the front?
Why he has the mic in the front is because when he wipes his ass back to the front, his
asshole's actually angled that way.
Oh, my God.
No, I'm not close.
We got some movement, though.
It just looks like you guys are having a nice meal and a cold beer right now.
Jealous.
Don't be, brother.
I'm fucking jealous, bro.
Don't be, dude.
You don't know what the fuck I'm going through right now.
I'm so in tune with my body right now. I haven't.
What level spice is this, man?
It's got a little kick.
It's got a kick, man.
Yeah.
I think I did hot.
God damn it.
Who came up with fart eliminator?
I did.
It's just, I mean, farts are just always funny.
I do think we should do a small slice puke eliminator.
Come on, Roan.
I can't help it.
Roan's just burping out.
He's burping out all of it.
All my air.
There's no air in my body, dude.
Can we get some tape?
Can we get some tape?
Can we have you boof a beer?
No, let's put some tape over your mouth.
I bet if you boofed a beer, you would fart it out.
Put tape over your mouth.
No, that phone.
That was me getting my phone.
You could have claimed that, G. You could over your mouth. No, my phone allows me to get my fart. Could have claimed that, G.
You could have claimed that.
We're all just hearing farts
everywhere.
Let me rub your belly.
Let it get down first.
I feel like you either grow up in a farts or funny
house or like completely opposite.
I grew up in a farts or funny house.
Me too. Big time. And then one of my best
friends, he grew up in a farts are not funny. You find. Big time. And then one of my best friends, he grew up in a farts are not funny.
You find out by ripping one at their dinner table and then they tell you don't do it.
My friend, his mom is very proper and my buddy farted at the dinner table and she was like,
did you just panty pop?
I know.
Yeah, that is so true.
Farts are funny.
I know my son, I give him a hug and I I say to him, like, I'm going to squeeze all
the farts out of you, and then I just go.
He thinks it's the funniest shit ever.
Yeah.
It is.
It is.
Farts are funny.
Farts are funny.
Ron, let me tape your mouth.
I got to eat.
Let me tape your mouth.
All right.
My dad's at the age where they just, like, come out when he's walking down the street.
Yeah.
And it's like, now he has funny little sayings if other people hear.
He's like, did somebody just step on a duck?
Oh, yeah.
You're those barking spiders in here?
Growing up, my dad's tall and we'd walk up the stairs and he'd just fart in my face.
He'd laugh his ass off because I'd be walking behind him.
My dad, the first time he met my uncle, they were, like, sitting in a room,
and it was just them,
and he farted so loud,
and he just went,
don't be a hero.
All right, Roan's mouth is taped.
No birth.
Not going to work.
It's going to go through.
Oh, no.
Oh, no way.
Imagine if he threw up.
What if we just actually suffocated you, and then you died, and then you...
Yeah, that you...
Your bowels.
Yeah.
Jerry, I need you, Jerry.
I'm eating the beans, man.
The beans are good.
I'll say that.
I love them.
I'm going to chug.
Rum.
Come on, find it.
Find your anger.
Someone tuned in right now and saw Rome with his mouth duct taped.
Next to a bag of Funyuns. Yeah.
It was like some sort of weird torture show.
Come on, Rome.
It's like watching a golf match.
Yeah, it is.
He's leaned over the mic.
His mouth is taped shut. He's going for a golf match. Yeah, it is. He's leaned over the mic. His mouth is taped shut.
He's going for a hole out of one.
There's Rowan approaching the 18th grade.
He's got a 15-footer.
The championship.
He's approaching.
God damn it.
Oh, no.
Don't give up!
This is bad.
You just gotta lay on your left side for a little bit.
Maybe you can fall asleep.
Oh yeah, maybe if you sleep, it'll just...
Slip out.
Slip out.
Oh, he burped.
He found a way to burp through the tape.
It's okay, man.
Someone just sent me this.
It's so funny.
It is very funny.
The Wyoming article calling Jerry.
I was thinking about that.
Or like, they're so sophomoric, just a bunch of frat guys getting up to a keg.
No.
Fart Eliminator.
That's the peak of comedy.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
Now everyone's going to show up
to the yak with a loaded fart
just in case.
Oh my God, I'm not...
I might have another.
Yeah, I might run it back. I might run it back. I'm running it back. I could have run it back. I might run it back
I might run it back
I'm running it back
I could have run it back
I might run it back
on your guys ass
I actually already let one go
over Cleveland this shit
oh yeah
non-consecutive
go KB
once you get up there
it changes
yeah
whole dynamic
that's what I'm afraid of is I do have a little stage.
I don't want to give people the ick.
You know what I mean?
I don't think I come across as a lady who doesn't fart,
but I also feel like it might give people the ick.
Does that make any sense?
No.
I don't want to give you guys the ick.
No, you'll be fine.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
All I'm thinking about is trying to get a fart out of my own body.
As soon as Kate
farts, pull her from the graphic.
Breaking the glass ceiling.
Lady farters out
there. Fuck. I mean, my
stomach is starting to hurt. That's
good. That's a good sign. Did you finish that beer?
Yeah.
It did nothing. That was the chicklets beer. You don't have... Oh, it's good. I like it. It did nothing.
That was the Chiclets beer.
You don't have to.
Oh, it's good.
Yeah.
I like it.
It looked good.
Doesn't make you fart at all.
Yeah.
Actually, that was like one of the things they were testing when they were making it.
Yeah.
We created the least farty beer.
Ugh.
It's only poop that's like even in me though It's a wall of poop
Feel it
I mean I gotta fuck it
I can't wait to show that clip to my son tonight
Oh no I think I have one
Oh no
Keep the camera off
Wait I don't know
Do you do it in your seat? You want to do it in your seat you want to
in your seat oh no everybody look away everyone look away all right no eyes i'll just all right
everyone look away i think everyone promised you're looking away everyone promised yep show
it on me this can't be real show the camera on me everybody i know everyone take your earplugs off. They're out.
I did, did you hear it?
I heard it.
That was it?
I heard it, I heard it.
But you have to play that back.
We have to.
Very ladylike.
That was a beautiful lady fart.
It was like a poof.
It sounded like a parachute opening.
Oh my God.
I'm so relieved.
Like a gust of wind.
Yes, Kate.
What's the chat saying?
They're out.
That was it.
That was it.
You got a silencer on your butt.
Lucky the mic picked that one up.
That was great, Kate.
Oh, thank God.
It's so funny that you're like, no, I don't want to do this.
You literally invented this.
Yeah.
God, it smells.
All right, so we're now down to Roan, Shay, and Sherry.
I was watching.
My God, does it smell.
Ooh.
Phew.
That was way better than I could have imagined.
It would have been so funny, though, if it was bigger than Big Cat's.
Yeah, yeah. So many dudes that are going to be like i'm not gonna jerk off tonight you're saying put big cats fart over it
i want to outdo myself next time we get this and just like
try to rip like a 10 seconder yeah next time should we like
save it for the next day so you can prepare?
Cheeks definitely didn't touch.
Definitely a queef, but it passes.
That was the perfect girl fart.
Someone said it sounded like mixing a pack of cards.
It really was like a cartoonish, like a little nice cloud, like a little nice cloud like a little nice cloud with
like little hearts in it oh thank god jerry tell me rub let's go i got nothing man come on come on
come on jerry you did it for me i'm gonna do it for you It looks like you're applying too much pressure because he was just barely touching you.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God. Is your face positioned? I know.
Buried in his crotch. Oh, no, no, no, no.
I felt your pee pee.
Come on.
Come on.
What kind of shit is this?
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.
Maybe try spooking him because that's sometimes...
Wait, he's got it.
He's got it.
It's there too.
It's right there, Jerry.
Come on, Jerry.
Hang on. Come on, Jer. Are you all right?
This is so hard, man.
I know, Jer.
I know, buddy.
This visual.
The hardest thing I've ever seen.
Just relax.
Come on, Jer.
It's like that.
No, no, no, no.
What if I just go...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on, Rowan.
Steady pressure like that.
Steady.
Like that.
Steady pressure.
Hold on.
Yes, Rowan, yes.
I shit.
I shit.
Is that what that sound was?
What'd you say?
He shit himself.
Did you?
Did you actually?
I shit.
I shit?
I gotta see.
I gotta see.
I unfortunately have to see.
I have to see.
I have to check.
Honestly, nobody knows.
I'm not looking.
I'm not looking.
I have to check.
Jerry, unfortunately, I have to check. I have to check to I'm not looking. I have to check. Jerry, unfortunately, I have to check.
I have to check to see if you did.
I have to check.
No, you didn't.
You didn't.
You didn't shit.
False alarm.
So that was a fart?
No, there's no fart.
No.
Oh.
It's just so funny whenever you get down there that it ruins...
Right, the movement of...
What is this position that you're working with right now?
Very Rudy up here.
Unless I win, I can spin my mic.
Man, I'm not close.
Dude, I'm not even close.
I almost had it.
I tried to say it, bro.
I tried to tell you guys.
I can't fart like that.
You know what I need?
I need a Mountain Dew.
How many left?
So just you and...
Just Jerry and Roan?
And Che.
And Che.
I forgot about that.
Hey, what's up?
Just got some Brussels sprouts delivered.
These things.
That's a good one.
Smart move.
Pop them out.
Might need like 20.
20 minutes?
20 minutes?
20 minutes?
We're going to do PMT soon.
Yeah.
I think the people who got it, we can leave.
Yeah, we technically can leave.
I just don't want to.
These are great moments. I'm staying for another can leave. I just don't want to. These are great moments.
I'm staying for another 10 minutes.
I just want to see these.
I want to see what you guys.
Want me to get you another beer?
Yeah.
Jerry, I think you were so close.
Let's go back to it.
Oh, man.
Come on.
I'm stressing too much.
That's the thing.
Get the soda.
This is really good.
I got a Mountain Dew coming, I think.
Oh, man, Jerry.
I need to get you to part.
Che, where are you at?
I just finished the Brussels sprouts.
I'm not there yet, but those are automatic for me.
And Roan?
Not close.
Not close?
I'm worried about Roan.
Not close.
There's no air in my lower intestine.
Yeah.
There's not even a little bit of air in there.
I can tell you.
Oh, come on, Roan.
I know. I want it as bad as anyone
And every time I've come close to shitting
But it's not even poop coming out
It's my butthole inverting
Pushing so hard that my
What if I stepped on your stomach
I'll take off my shoes I'll step on your stomach lightly
I'll try anything
Okay
Approaching the mic on the floor
Big cat's shoes are off
You're gonna shit, Ron
I know I'm gonna shit
I'm sorry
no
bicycle
that is very ASMR
great sounding pants
nice wrestling
with the pants
come on though
maybe go
flip over
and then flip over
that's what I did
oh a twist
yeah lay
everyone's on his stomach now
yeah
yeah you lay
and then you flip back over
and it should be able to
yeah just really jiggle yourself
and just flip back over.
That movement.
What?
I was stepping on his stomach.
Get this beer.
Flip back over.
Nice and easy.
Jerry, what are we going to do?
I'm now all in on trying to get you guys to fart.
What can we do?
There's nothing, man.
I'm just not a farter.
Look at yourself.
You are.
You were born to fart.
God made you a fart machine.
Made me a shit machine.
Now flip over.
I had a burp that I stifled, so there's an air bubble in here.
Here we go.
Now flip over.
Flip back over.
You're going to want to be on the left side.
You're going to want to lay on your left side.
Because that's how you get them out.
Come on.
Nice and easy, bro.
No pushing.
No pushing.
Ron keeps walking by
like,
what the fuck is going on?
God.
I love that
dramatic pan
on the camera.
Oh, man.
His face is very peaceful.
You look tense, Ron.
I need you to relax the muscles.
Fall into a deep sleep.
You're getting very sleepy.
Jerry.
What can we do, Jerry?
Looks like a little kid at a sleepover surrounded by
all the snacks you chug a little water well I'm doing a mountain Dewy usually
helps Melon do come on oh here comes feel it might be good Gorilla chest pound on his bejesers.
This is so crazy. Find it.
If it comes down to it, I'll go get some gas X.
Do some barrel rolls.
Roll and then roll back.
Rone's matching the color of his red hat now.
Roll and then roll back, yeah.
Watch the beer behind you.
This is good.
You got this.
Have you guys ever seen that viral video of the dude who was hanging out with a girl?
They went back to her place and he was like, I have to go get my keys.
And it's just the video of him going out and sitting on the floor launching farts yeah yeah
the ring camera yeah oh yeah he's like laughing out loud come on jerry where are we at i you're waiting for my soda all right i'm gonna take a piss okay my soda my soda. So is it just me, Shay, and Rome?
Yeah.
Shay.
Shay.
Well, does TJ have to?
No.
Okay.
I mean, TJ, you got a fart?
I mean, probably.
Yep. I just don't see it for Rome I don't see it in his future
I don't think it's happening
I don't see him as a farter anyway
This might be the 12 hour stream
So what happens if I can't fart?
If I'm you, my mouth is
never empty I'm you, I'm, my mouth is never, never, never empty.
I'm drinking, I'm eating.
Oh, thank you, spider.
Perfect.
This one will do the trick, Spidey.
This one will do the trick most likely.
Yeah.
This is great.
This is going to do it.
Smells good here.
Dude, I cannot break wind. There's nothing I can do to do it. It smells good here. Dude, I cannot break wind.
There's nothing I can do to break wind.
It just all comes out as burps.
Burps.
Now I know the rest of the afternoon I'll have a ton going on.
But it won't matter.
Total waste.
Yeah.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know what to do.
Harry, do you fart in front of your girlfriend?
No.
No? Okay.
Gentlemen?
God, no.
She farts in front of me, though.
Really?
Yeah, she don't care.
She's earned that, right?
Yeah.
That's right.
This is how dudes go do it. Waves chain up. front of me though. Really? Yeah, she don't care. She's heard that, right? Yeah. She's going to do it.
Wait, is Che up?
Out of the way.
The discipline.
Faye is deep breathing.
Oh, Che.
No.
Oh, man.
This is so crazy.
Yeah.
Why, that it's taking this long?
No, there's just this concept is insane.
The disappointment of just, ah, no.
Do it, yeah.
I'm actually starting to get nauseous, to be honest with you.
Hey, my stomach hurts terribly.
What if I uke?
I've had one in the chamber for at least 10 minutes.
I just don't want to be a show-off, you know?
Just do it.
Maybe it'll help. Yeah, just go for it.
Maybe it'll inspire the others.
This one's coming from...
This wasn't a real one.
Rising tides raise all farts.
This one's coming from a place of...
KB again?
Oh, KB's just running it up.
He's running it up.
This guy's got so many farts.
You, bro.
KB.
How do they do it?
Seriously, how do they do it?
How do they do it?
Oh, man, that was awesome.
It's funny because after every yak, me and KB both try and get to the one-person bathroom as fast as we can to shit.
Always one of us in there after.
And there he goes into the one-person bathroom.
It's like my schedule is like do the yak and then take a shit after.
Take a shit, right.
Dude, I shit every morning first thing.
Dude, it's my calling card.
I empty my...
Oh, man.
Just keep eating, I think.
Fuck.
What?
That was it?
My burps are farts.
Chug it.
Chug the whole thing.
Can't, man.
There's got to be like a farting world championship.
For real.
There's got to be some kind of...
Steven, you're just...
What are you at?
Oh, look at that fart.
Oh, Steven.
Steven, mic up.
Mic up.
I did it. Yeah, you did. Mic up. I did it.
Yeah, you did.
Is that it? That little squeak?
It was just visually.
All right, we got to do it again. Let's hear it.
I know. Let's hear it. Run back to tape.
There's just a lot of banging
around the microphone was the problem.
World Championship. For real.
There's got to be some kind of...
Stephen, you're just... what are you at oh look at
that fart oh steven steven mic up mic up oh yeah i heard it a little bit that was such a tiny little
part that counts that was we go to the replay review we're going in the booth that counts
all right j, you ready?
Jerry, it's just me and you, bro.
No matter what happens, we're still friends, alright?
Jerry's is going to be a growler.
You want me to rub your belly?
No, I just want to try to just loosen up.
Roll over.
Roll over a couple times.
The pressure is what kills you at this point.
Roll over a little.
Am I even up?
It's kind of right there.
Yeah.
Oh.
Tell us when you got one coming, Jen.
I know. I'm afraid to talk because i don't want to
just give us a heads up yeah it's not close it's not close i feel you dude mine is not close
mine is like the fucking door of the death star dude it's just completely
sealed up i remember like in fifth grade i accidentally farted like just a loud one just
at my desk and all the kids around me were like you just and ied like just a loud one just at my desk
and all the kids around me were like you just farted and I was like no I didn't that was
my foot slipping on the you know they had like the book holders I was like that was
my foot slipping on the thing but then I was like the fart kid for like a month.
Tell me Danny this ain't possible man.
This ain't possible.
Anything is possible Jerry.
Can straining the fart kill you?
Probably.
Probably.
Isn't that how Elvis died? Are you I thought you were about to pull your pants down. Oh he is.
These aren't tiny weights, these are spanks.
I'm gonna, here let me get your, let me push it, pressure. Let me get that hard pressure on your belly again.
Am I even up?
Yeah, you're even up.
All right.
Slow, nice and slow.
I like doing that, too.
Huge shout-out to everyone still just patiently watching this.
Well, at this point, they're pot committed.
Right, you can't turn away.
All right, back.
Oh, my God.
I'm done.
What?
What do you mean that's it?
What do you mean?
You can't give up, Jerry.
Never give up.
I'm just done with that session.
Oh, okay.
Session six has closed.
I don't know what to do.
This is fucked, bro.
You got to eat more. This is fucked, bro. You gotta eat more. Your throat's gonna end up just being drunk.
It's just all burps.
How do you guys not get one fart?
My body doesn't work that way.
I'm not even...
I mean, I'm not even embarrassed either.
I shit myself.
And I posted it.
I don't care.
Just can't...
Yeah, it's not about a stage fright for me.
I'd love to get a fart out.
Try standing on your head again?
No.
That actually hurt my head.
Well, you kept your hat on.
Pin on the top.
The top thing.
Yeah.
Fucking kill you.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on. Well on a moment.
Well, acupuncture.
Can we get an acupuncturist in here?
Where's that?
Oh, you're grabbing your arm?
Oh, pressure points.
Yeah, do this one.
Is that a real thing? Yeah.
Isn't there spots
in your ears ears too?
Yeah, they're like special to...
God damn it.
Yeah, I'm rolling the socks.
Everything's just coming right up.
Does that happen a lot during wrestling matches, KB?
Just farts?
Surprisingly, no.
One of my good friends shit himself at the Penn State Open first round.
It was an open, so he just left afterwards.
How are you doing?
We're going.
I'll do another one.
Why not?
No one else is farting.
I had to get the cycle.
That first one was a home run. That was a double or triple. Yeah. I was in another one. Why not? No one else is farting. I'm about to get the cycle. That first one was a home run.
That was a double or triple.
I'm just worried that mine's going to be really bad.
Who cares, dude?
We should either start keeping score this time or next time we do this,
there should also be a prize for the person who can do it the most.
Oh.
What did he say?
He's so defeated. Maybe they get out of a really
Bad wheel spin later down the line
Or something
Yeah
Dude my farts are not
Like people feel like that
The one that I had
That's not what my farts sound like
My farts are like
Gross
Alright buddy
Yeah
I'm gonna try to hit for the cycle now
Fuck it
Go KB
Me versus you
Have another one
Jump the gun
I think it worked
Jerry's watching all kinds of videos
I mean the sky said something
Ready for session seven?
No
Pop up Ready for session seven?
Pop up.
No, it's a slow thing you did.
But I'm too fat because I can't do it.
He went on his hands by himself.
Normal or adult?
You want me to hold you?
I got you No it's not
He did it on his own
But I don't think you
I'm not going to be able to do it
Somebody's going to grab the mic for him
Oh
I don't have enough confidence
That's not bad
That's maybe Joss
had something loose, though.
That could have helped.
No.
That was a punt.
14 to 21 farts a day
is normal.
No, people love it.
We've gained viewers.
The payoff is just there right now.
It's just an electric
anticipation
for a fart.
Alright, I got 10 minutes
and I gotta record PMT.
Make sure you drop a like
if you're farting along at home.
Yeah, drop a like. Subscribe.
Please subscribe. New merch dropped today too.
New merch. We appreciate everyone sticking with us
through this. Hard times.
Tough times don't last.
Tough people do.
I'm going to have another one soon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would be drinking soda.
Yeah.
That's all I'd be doing.
I'd finish that Diet Coke.
Maybe ice cream on top of it.
I had too many ice creams already.
I mean, I've done everything.
He said Mexican food, ice cream.
A whole bag of Cheetos. A whole bag of Cheetos.
You ate them all?
Yeah.
Here we go, Sass. Yeah!
Here we go, sass.
Alright, sass. God.
No.
No?
No, it's back.
That's why I was afraid it was gonna happen.
You don't wanna go out on a swing and a miss like that.
No.
Oh, we're going. You don't want to go out on a swing and a miss like that. Oh. Fuck.
I got a big one.
I got a big one.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
Oh,
no.
Oh,
no.
Disappointing.
I don't know why
I just acted
disappointed that
you couldn't.
I am.
Oh.
Question farts
are the best.
It's big.
What's it sound like?
The cat's just got
big shoes to fill.
Oh,
man. Roan, anything?
Everyone liked the stream.
Can I pee?
Can I go try and pee and see if I can like it?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
That was the game changer for me.
Jerry just keeps on pulling different videos out of heart.
I'd say that was a single, so I need a triple to hit the cycle.
That was a hell of a single.
Yeah, it was a hard hit single.
I definitely rounded the bases.
You get this triple.
Guess what mammal is the only mammal that scientists know does not fart?
Ooh.
Girls.
Girls.
Yes.
Good one.
Dolphin?
No.
I'll give you a clue.
They poop in cubes.
Maybe I have the wrong animal.
No.
Horse, goat, you.
Very slow.
Sloth.
Yes, a sloth.
They also don't think octopuses or birds fart.
Well, I guess birds are mammals, aren't they?
They need ass cheeks, too.
That's what creates the sound.
Cheeks flapping.
I don't want to hit this triple so bad.
You can buy underwear called shreddies that have coal lining them that make your farts not smell so bad.
If I get out what's in my stomach right now, it's going to be a grand slam.
Gerald Ford used to blame his farts on the Secret Service.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
Come on, Jerry.
What are we going to do?
Come on, Jerry.
I'm trying, man.
I'm doing everything they said in the video.
He's going again.
Not there, not there.
All right, I'm going to do PMT.
All right.
I want to try to get one to send off everyone.
Lay down one more time.
So we're just staying here, right?
Yeah.
I'll probably be back.
I'll probably be back. Okay.
All right, let me try one more time when you're done.
Oh my god!
Jesus.
Oh, shit.
How do you keep doing this?
I hit him with a cycle.
Christ.
I hit him with a cycle.
Can I see that?
That one might smell.
I'm sorry, guys.
That was a legitimate fart.
Nothing forceful about that.
That doesn't smell.
That's out of the stadium.
Can I see a replay of that?
Look at his text.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
Holy shit.
Boy. Boy. Rone, I just hit the cycle.
Poor Rone.
This is bad, Rone.
Oh, man.
Drinking office milk.
Rone, you want to hear mine?
Maybe it'll help you fart.
That might have been the best.
Jerry?
For you, Jerry.
I'm not even close He got a golden sombrero
Here we go
Nope Come on Tass You wanna hear my triple? It's fucking sick Here we go Nope
Come on Tess
You wanna hear my triple?
It's fucking sick
Horrible bro
What'd you do at work?
I farted into a microphone for three hours
This is the stupidest thing
I'm underperforming
So now we've been at it for over an hour
That's right triple
I'm telling you the rollover method works.
You guys need to start following.
I've done two off of that.
I did a home run and a triple off that.
Just roll over.
For you, dude.
Lay on your belly and then roll over.
My fucking intestines are like a fucking ampersand, dude.
My shit is a knot.
You guys are just too healthy.
Yeah, me and Jerry are the two healthiest dudes.
Well, you know like those kids' toys?
It's like the wooden block that has the roller coaster on top with the beads.
Oh, that's so cool.
That's hilarious.
Show Ron my triple so that he gets a little inspiration.
I'm drinking beer and milk back and forth.
I have milk now.
Whole milk.
Watch.
That's another homer, bro That might be a homer
That's two home runs
You're still shy of the cycle
Single
Double
And two home runs
Oh, man
Come on, Jer
Come on, Jer
Yeah
Couple sit-ups
Maybe do some jumping jacks
Yeah, that thing's too loose.
Hold my legs.
Hold my legs.
Get your butt right next to it.
There we go.
Yeah.
This actually could work.
It could.
I think this might be the most promising idea yet.
I like this a lot.
Ready?
Go.
It's coming.
I think you said it's coming.
Oh, it's coming.
Come on, Jerry.
Come on, Jerry.
Come on.
This is good.
This is good.
This is good. Pass out?
That would be so funny.
Dies trying to get fifth in a farting competition. Come on, Jared. Come on, Jared.
It's right there. I know, I know.
I can't laugh because I'm losing it.
All right, come on.
Everyone be quiet.
It's so funny when you're in the...
It's right there.
Keep doing sit-ups.
Just power through.
Come on, chair.
It'll just come out.
Come on, chair.
Come on, chair.
Stay in the...
Stay in the...
Yep, yep, yep.
That's good.
All right, ready?
Yeah.
Just bang out three quick setups
Push
Nope
Push
Dude, I feel you, Jerry
My shit is
Fucking shit, man
It's not good, man
It's not good, man. It's not.
All this food I'm eating is, like, making me create mucus.
Roll, roll, roll back and forth.
Roll back and forth.
Lay on your belly, then roll over, and then just nice easy.
The amount of time that we've been doing this for,
like, if we weren't in this situation,
you guys would have farted.
No, I don't fart like that.
Yeah, I can tell you don't.
Here it comes.
I think that stands true for me, yes.
I would have farted ten times in this town.
Oh, man.
Close.
I was so close.
Why are you putting it in your ass?
He wedged it between the cheeks.
Next time the Oz the Mentalist comes in.
Someone farted on this mic.
That day you ate Mountain Dew beans.
Vienna sausages.
So you're just humping.
The mic turned all the way up.
You could hear every rustle.
I think you've got to attempt to get him this milk.
Right.
I think I have a stand-up double on the roster.
Oh, yeah?
Let's hear it.
KB's making moves.
Is it a shit-or-get-off-the-pot situation?
Fart-or-get-off-the-mic?
No.
I can't believe you guys can just squat down like that
and the fart comes out.
Easy, man.
I've never seen anything like it.
I think you just got to lie down
and do the knees to the chest and, man. I've never seen anything like it. I think you just gotta lie down and just
do the knees to the chest and just
wait. I think movement is key.
Yeah, it's fine.
Your intestines are a rollercoaster.
The bubbles in the gas are the cars.
You gotta move around to make
rollercoaster cars
get through the rollercoaster.
I'm nowhere close. I can tell you're not close
I think Jerry's close
Jerry let me help you
I don't think there's even a fart in you
You put all your eggs in the sprout basket
He hit it he's done
What?
It wasn't a good one I wouldn't consider it real
It was definitely real It was cause the mic was moving I'm trying to get another one. I wouldn't consider it real. It was definitely real.
It was because the mic was moving.
I'm trying to get another one out.
I think I can.
I'm drinking milk, beans, beer, ice cream, pork rinds, Vienna sausages.
I mean, do they sell laxatives at the Walgreens?
You could get some Gas-X.
Gas-X will stop you from farting.
Yeah, that will stop you. It's a reverse. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could get some Gas-X. Gas-X will stop you from farting. Yeah, that will stop you.
It's a reverse.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't want Gas-X.
You want some Philips.
All right, I got to go do PMT.
We'll be here when you're done.
Yeah, I mean, I think you guys might be.
Godspeed.
How about a, I guess, a laxative?
I don't know.
Which kind do they sell?
There's Dulcolax and some Philips. Let's see if I can sell one. I'm assuming they sell? There's Dulcolax.
There's Philips.
Oh, my God.
You're just showing off now.
Yeah.
I'm going to park it out.
I feel you.
Yeah, I feel you.
That's it.
What about throwing up?
Would you guys settle for a throw up?
Yeah, I would Would you take a vomit?
It just wouldn't count
It's not a fart
Well I'm worried about hurting myself like i'm gonna hurt myself straining i'm gonna keep trying though i've been having lower back
troubles recently like feels like it's like cement poured down in there and i when i was
really trying i was like i'm gonna throw my back out again i going to hurt myself doing this. I think my digestive cycle has just dried up.
Dude, I'm all digested.
So I had to start a whole
new cycle.
And this beer mixing with
the fucking milk tastes so
bad.
I will say...
What were you going to say, K-Town?
Sometimes the force of throwing up makes a fart come out.
So you might
inadvertently get your
bowl.
Would you settle for me
micing myself up as I shit?
I think this is a
This is a binary farter though
Well the thing is
We never established
Any sort of consequences
For not farting
Oh nice nice
Like what
Big cat
What happens
If you don't fart?
Ah look at one of those
Forever?
Yeah Okay Raisins or chocolate chips? Yeah, what happens if you don't fart? Ah, look at one of those. Forever? Yeah.
Okay.
Raisins or chocolate chips?
They're very good.
Thank you.
Oh my God, these look so good.
Just do it.
Same.
I'm going to fucking puke.
I feel fucking terrible Ugh
Mmm
We're gonna try this out
Oh yeah
I can already get one going
Yeah we are a fucking fart machine dude
Sass is a fart machine.
No one rips sass like my boy little sass.
You know what else, too?
If you lay on your back and you put your knees from side to side while you're laying on your back,
like you keep your back straight, but you're sending your legs flopping on either side,
I feel like that wiggles the bottom of your intestines, if that makes sense.
Okay.
It's a slight recommendation.
Trying to think of the most common positions and environments in which I fart.
I think it's when I'm most relaxed, laying in my bed on a lazy boy.
Yeah.
For me, it's usually waking up in the morning.
Good stretch.
Maybe not straining.
I don't know.
Are laxatives on the mental right now?
Is that an option?
I would.
I'm worried that you boys got too in your heads about it.
Now the butthole is just sealed over.
The fact that laxatives are a possibility.
I know.
I think you guys, what you need to do is maybe hit like a Wim Hof
or something.
Get a meditation in.
Use the mind.
I don't fart when I do Wim Hof, though.
You never do.
And plus, Wim Hof,
you have to hold your breath
so that will clench everything up.
Let the body do
what the body is capable of doing.
Feel the body.
Whoa! That was me. Feel the body. Whoa!
That was me.
That was me.
The best part about that
was just no build up.
Bursting through the headphones.
Oh, Jared. Said the first one didn't count no that was a good one that one definitely counts first one counted too it just it was because the mic was right yeah no i get it
i'm days away i'm days away i I'm days away.
I'm not even in the same neighborhood as a fart.
You gotta lay down, man.
I'm texting my wife.
She's saying, don't lay down.
She controls your farts?
My friend is a nurse for people coming off anesthesia after colonoscopies.
And that's what they have to do to get people to get the gas.
What do they do?
Lay on the left side.
Press the stomach inward.
The competition is so much different than medicinal or medical.
Once the camera's on and you're in competition,
it's completely different.
It's not about the lights.
It's like... It's the lights, bro.
Whether you want to believe it or not.
Yeah, you're just a big game player.
Yeah.
You guys are rip-ass.
I have no shame.
You should.
You should have no shame. You should. You should have immense shame.
Great shame.
Like a Japanese fucking warrior having to kill himself because he couldn't fart.
How many of us?
There are eight of us.
Yeah, so we're five.
I wish there were.
Yeah, I want to see.
Are you eating a gum?
What is...
Oh, man.
Silence.
Gum?
Saying chew gum?
Jeez.
Does that help you swallow air bubbles, maybe?
I don't know.
Chewing gum kind of helps, but that would be a long...
You'd have to be chewing gum for a little bit.
Sass has never talked with so much authority.
You're the fart expert.
I just, I have...
First guy to fart.
I know what makes me fart.
And I know gum used to give me bad stomach aches, because I would chew gum and I I fart a lot. First guy to fart. I know what makes me fart. And I know gum
used to give me
bad stomach aches
because I would chew gum
and I would get bloated.
And then you.
Ron looks like
he has the flu
at this point.
I'm making myself sick.
Not sweaty,
but you know
when somebody has like
sweat on them.
Also like five beers in.
And all this fucking dairy is just making me
produce music.
Mucus.
I wish I could make some music out of my A's.
The magical fruit.
Maybe Kim can help.
I bet she does have some old tricks.
Prune juice and olive oil.
Yeah, yeah.
And a splash of cinnamon.
Eat some tomato sauce and date.
Yeah.
Some old, like, southern.
Wait, I think I got one.
Yeah. Wait, I think I got one. Oh, my God.
It's so easy.
Wow.
Shit.
That was my phone, obviously.
In that case, I got one, too.
That was obviously.
Maybe get your mind off of it.
Yeah. Ron? How can I get my mind off it?
Let's talk about something else.
Should we play videos of girls going onto the front porch and farting?
Let's talk about the goddamn birds.
Galen Hurts, is he going to be back this week?
Who knows?
Let's talk about the Eagles.
How much is Jalen
Hurts farting, do you think?
He's not playing right now, so he's probably farting a shit
ton. You know what he is? He's probably
eating like shit, drinking beers, fried
chicken, burgers.
Fried food's the only thing I haven't tried.
Fried food would help.
Like the big hair on the toe thing,
or like the hair on the big toe thing,
like thinking that hot women and models have that too
always makes me feel better,
and thinking of models also having diarrhea
also makes me feel better all the time when I think about it.
Not all the time, not thinking about it all the time,
but it's a nice equalizer.
I feel that. No, I'm just talking. I'm not thinking about all the time. But it's a nice equalizer. I feel that.
Now I'm just talking.
Oh, I appreciate that.
Yeah.
Eight Roan.
Shout out PA.
Guy's got that.
No, I'm not close.
He's got that co-burger on your team.
Who? Oh, man. You might just have to fake it.
It would be so funny, though, because their farts will be just like a tiny, like...
I think it would be so funny if one of them just had like an explosive fart.
Yeah.
No, it's going to be like a...
It's going to be like, yeah.
A south gag.
Yeah.
Come on, Ro.
Find it.
It's in there.
It wants to come out.
Listen to your fart.
When it's calling for you. It wants to come out. Listen to your fart.
When it's calling for you.
Listen to your fart.
Come on, Roan.
It's something you push through.
You don't know if you're farting. About all the shit we've been through.
No, no, no, no, no.
Listen to your fart.
Mm-hmm. You tell him goodbye.
Gary, get the light to this.
Damn.
This is going to make us shit.
Well, shit's a fart.
Just a fart with a little extra.
Yeah.
There's something behind it. TJ, could you, hypothetically?
Do what?
It'd take a while, I guess.
You're asking me to pull something up. It'd take a while, I guess.
You're asking me to pull something up.
I had a bad morning in that department, so.
We had no point of references.
I don't know what the average person, I don't know what their.
Right.
The half-life of a.
Sully, could you try?
Close.
Close? Oh, it's close.
I've been close a couple Close? You're trying actively?
That was no disrespect.
I feel like you can fart.
I feel like you...
I feel like the hairier...
No, I'm just saying.
Jersey Jerry shit in his pants.
I do feel like body hair equates to.
But then again...
Wait, isn't Pat pretty
oh yeah he's
extremely hairy
yeah
a lot of plunger grabbing in our house
it's a tough time
okay I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do
I think so
I have to go get my kid from daycare
I don't think so
I'm just going to lay down.
Laying down.
Alright, they're laying down next to each other.
They're looking very relaxed.
Rone on his stomach.
Jerry on his back oh shit
I found a YouTube video
professional farting tournament
ends in disappointment
and everyone had
performance anxiety
no way
the pros
wow
that's so
it is a real thing
yeah
and everyone
screwed up at that.
Well, I'm trying to look into it.
Interesting.
What's the prize money like in that racket?
Probably shitty.
Yeah.
Probably shitty, says Fasoli.
Okay, let's see.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
Oh!
Let's go.
That a boy, Jerry.
That was a good one, too.
That was a good one.
That was good.
That was a good one.
Yep.
You know what I did?
I just relaxed.
Mm-hmm.
I was very tense.
Gutsy seventh place.
Wow.
Were you on your back?
Yes, and I was just relaxing.
Like, make the air go in your ass.
And just slowly just start to suck it up.
Yeah, yeah, yep, yep.
That was great.
Let the air go in your ass.
It was nice that they were talking about something else.
I feel like you could really just focus on yourself.
I need that.
No, we're not focused on you.
Yeah, that was big.
Fuck.
My brain is so focused that it's hard to talk about anything else right now.
This rain, you guys.
No, you can keep playing that video, KB.
What was that video?
Yeah, the fart contest.
Let's see.
See, I'm trying to suck it in through my ass.
Force yourself to shit your pants. I don't care if you straight dookie everywhere and blast it into the microphone. Is that Critical?
What?
The YouTuber?
The guy with long hair?
This is Penguin Zero.
Yep, that's him.
He's got two names.
No, he has zero names still. It's Penguin Zero, Yep, that's him. He's got two names. No, he has zero names still.
It's Penguin Zero, Charlie, Moist Critical.
Critical and Penguin.
This is an Indian competition.
What the hell is that?
It sounded like a song started playing.
For the podcast listeners, Ron's jerking off in the studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Heard that sound before.
Dude, I'm not close.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like everybody's just hostage.
Well, technically, actually, none of us are.
We could all leave.
It could just be you and me.
I'm about to go to the farting banquet at the end of the year awards, and you're still here.
Rowan didn't go to Iran.
You can't fart.
I can't fart.
My pet's heads are falling off.
They fucking said no one could leave until they fart.
Roan left.
Oh.
If anyone at the office is listening,
come get some ice creams.
Those are probably nice and melted now.
Nice and melty. Nothing beats a
Snickers ice cream bar.
Yeah, you're actually right.
Especially after a day at the community pool as a kid.
Get one of those from the snack stand.
Honestly, I've never been a massive ice cream person.
I don't think I've ever gone out of my way by myself to buy ice cream.
I'm a huge ice cream lady.
I've only gone if I was with my family and they wanted ice cream.
Yeah, the fact that it melts is kind of off-putting. ice cream lady. I've only gone if I was like with my family and they wanted ice cream. Yeah.
The fact that it melts is kind of off-putting.
I've just always been more of a candy guy.
If you're going to have sweets, it's going to be candy.
I'm the cake cookies.
Cookies number one.
Cookies are good.
Cookies ceiling are like a 9.9.
Ice cream's average is like an 8.8.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can get some of the cookie averages low because...
Chips Ahoy.
Chips Ahoy.
Yeah, exactly.
They ruin the average.
Yeah, they do.
They bring it down.
Let's do the average.
Does West Virginia also do the wedding cookie table,
or is that just Pittsburgh?
I think that is actually a Youngstown thing that's bled into the Pittsburgh area.
Okay.
I like that.
I think that's a great idea.
I don't.
Why not?
An overabundance of any one specific food is unnecessary.
I like the thought of taking a box back to your room for later on.
You're a little drunk.
A little snack.
I don't like a nice traditional chocolate chip
cookie. I don't like going to
one of those cookie places and getting a massive
cookie. Like a
homemade cookie. Wendy's has a
good cookie. Yeah? Yes, they do.
McDonald's has a good cookie too.
Yeah, I agree.
Remember Oprah Spudmire in the cafeterias as a
kid? They'd be nice and warm. Oh, yeah. You know who has a good cookie? In the cafeterias as a kid, they'd be nice and warm.
Oh, yeah.
You know who has a good cookie?
Amtrak.
Really?
A very, very good cookie.
It's not them that makes it.
I forget what the brand is, but the cookie that they sell is good as fuck.
I ran up on the...
What did I get?
The corn cookie from Milk Bar.
Oh, those are so good.
It was phenomenal.
First time, yeah. Yep. There's a Milk Bar. Oh, those are so good. It was phenomenal. First time, yeah.
Yep.
There's a Milk Bar right next to my apartment.
I think it lives up to the hype.
You might be able to go again.
Oh.
Get out of the way.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stay, Ron.
I'm not close.
I'm not close.
Yeah, you are.
I'm not even close. This is devastating for Roan.
Yeah, it's like a break the seal kind of thing.
It's three in the morning, Roan.
You're just snug in bed.
No pressure.
Nothing is happening inside of me.
I'm a fucking brick wall.
I'm jet lagged.
If anything, flying should help.
Shut up.
I get super gassy after a flight.
You don't fucking know.
Do you think the pressure change has something to do with it?
I think it must.
100%. Because you open a bottle of water at the end of a flight,
it's like...
Yeah.
I'm going to run and pee real quick. don't you go farting on me without Alright Jared
I don't know
I don't know what to do
On my life
I don't know what to do
My first time I did something
With my lower back
I don't know what I did
But
I tried to suck in air
in my ass,
and then
moved my lower back a certain way.
I don't know.
It's gonna be okay, man.
There has to be some kind of...
There has to be some kind of out.
I don't know if there is.
Laxatives, I guess.
I gotta take a laxative.
How long do those take to kick in?
Ten minutes?
No, I think it's more than that.
Five to thirty?
Yeah, I think.
I can suggest something.
Run if you want to put headphones on.
Buy the ones that you stick up your ass.
A suppository?
Try headphones on real quick.
TJ has a suggestion.
Joey Langone
walked by with a
bike pump earlier.
That's a jackass bit.
Put air in my ass?
Yep.
Yeah, we're at that
point.
Steve-O did it
and just unleashed
hell on the far world.
I don't...
I'm not putting something up my ass.
You asked for an out.
I think it might work.
Yeah, then I'm on cop and state, dude.
Then I'm just...
fucking to avoid blackmail.
Fasoli's over here filming fucking directly up my birth canal.
Yeah.
For 18 minutes straight.
Put that whole cut in, Fasoli.
Unedited.
Like Birdman, the long cut.
Okay.
Alright, I'm just gonna hold you guys hostage and not fart, to be honest.
This shit ain't coming, And I'm just hurting my body
trying to force this
shit out.
I mean, should we call it?
I don't think
you can. I feel like we've had extra
farts from other people.
I don't think you can.
Okay.
DQ. Yeah, I don't know about a DQ.
I don't want a DQ.
People would lose their mind.
Oof.
Oh, dude.
No, no.
This is what we wanted.
We want some more milk.
All right.
Oh, man.
That's the new, like, mixing soda and milk together.
Is, like, in Utah.
In Utah.
Did you go to any of those?
Pepsi, yeah.
Soda specialty places?
Like, Swig or any of that?
I missed them. Have you missed them out there
because they don't drink a lot of alcohol they have these it's like fast food chain but it's for
it makes like milk and creams with sodas and make fancy pants drinks like i don't even think they
have food they call it dirty soda yeah dirty soda but it's like milk creams mixed with soda
it's taken off yeah dr pepper with soda. It's taken off. Dr. Pepper, coffee creamer, and like
lemon juice.
But they're blowing
up.
Yeah, I'm burping up a ton right now.
It's not good. I don't feel great.
I think you gotta put the milk to rest.
Yeah, I don't know if that's...
I don't know if that's going to be doing you any favors.
What do you mean?
You know what I mean.
You think it's backing me up?
I think it's backing you up.
Didn't we say that when Kate was sick that milk's like an acidic...
Well, milk stops all the bad stuff from happening.
To me, the milk is a base that coats everything and calms your body down.
But didn't TJ disprove that and say it's super acidic?
It has genuinely fucked me up ever since.
I feel like milkshakes don't even taste the same to me now since I learned that.
I don't think any food or drink is going to hurt your cause.
I think apple juice is proven to help you shit.
I know that for sure
Alright
What about prune juice?
Prunes?
Get a Mountain Dew in your room
Yeah I would try the Mountain Dew
I would try the Mountain Dew
I'll try it
Alrighty then
I just get sick or...
Yeah.
No.
Fuck, man. It just all comes out my fucking face.
Right.
But you know how there's people that can't fucking burp?
Me.
Yeah.
Hey, you guys are...
Imagine if you couldn't...
What if you couldn't fart?
I can't even begin to imagine that.
That's me, basically.
You guys are like yin and yang.
That was so funny.
When you finally got one off.
They say if you hold your farts in,
your bloodstream does absorb the gas again.
Yeah, it does.
And then you can burp it out,
like you can fart out your mouth, kind of.
What about like watching?
Watching farts?
Yeah, I don't know.
I would watch a fart compilation.
Hippo fart explosion is one of my most...
Two girls, one cup, maybe?
I'll pull it up.
Have you seen Hippo Fart Explosion?
Can we watch that?
It's one of my favorite YouTube videos ever.
You throw it in there?
Oh. that. It's one of my favorite YouTube videos ever. You throw it in there.
Everyone knows that meeting the parents is a nerve wracking experience.
Look at the plucking of the shorts.
On camera when the smart doorbell picked up on the sound and recorded the flatulent activity.
That's so funny.
Yeah, the bluffing of those shorts is rough.
I think he went back inside pretty quick.
Mortified bloke.
I'm trying to watch the original Two Girls, One Cup.
Yeah, that'll do it.
I haven't seen that video in such a long time. I'm sure they're doing great now. Watch the original Two Girls, One Cup. Yeah, that'll do it.
I haven't seen that video in such a long time.
I'm sure they're doing great now.
I want to see what they're up to. They're thriving.
That can make you really sick, obviously.
You think they got really sick after that?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I actually don't know.
I'm going to see where are they now.
Where did you find this video?
When does it become acceptable for us to leave?
I feel so bad.
I feel like you guys can leave.
TJ, just give me a one cam.
He'll lock up after.
You can export the video.
The Mountain Dew's making the milk in my mouth curdle.
People can't be watching this.
Have you found the Two Girls, One Cup video?
Yeah, I just watched it, Jerry.
Twogirlsonecup.ca What year was that?
I forgot that they started off doing lesbian shit at the beginning.
27?
No.
Then they shit in the cup and then they lick.
It's probably like 05, maybe?
2007?
You think it was lucky that that girl had such a perfect shit in that cup?
Or do you think that they knew that that girl was going to have a perfect shit in the cup?
I didn't watch it.
Yeah, yeah, you got to click through the security thing and then go back to the video.
This is a disgrace.
Did you get to them licking it?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Dude, that is so gross.
Do you think anyone actually jerked off to that?
Yes.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's a dumb question.
KB said yes before you
finished probably thousands of people i was gonna say no not i wouldn't say million no but i would
say six six figures really In the world? Unique?
Maybe not. Maybe
five. Five thousand?
No, like five. Five people, but
six million nuts. In the tens of thousands.
Listen to this. Dr. Pepper
had this Facebook ad
campaign back in like
2010 or something like that, where
they would, you had a chance to win a thousand bucks
if you let them take over your Facebook and post ads. So they were posting things like they would take
over your thing and what's wrong with peeing in the shower or lost my special blankie. How will
I go to sleepies? Weird stuff like that. Well, they went to the 14 year old girl signed up for
it. And on her Facebook page in Scotland, they posted, I watched two girls, one cup and felt
hungry afterwards. And so then they got sued by the mom.
Who?
Dr. Pepper ran that?
That was like an ad campaign by Dr. Pepper.
Why would that make you want Dr. Pepper?
I don't know.
I guess it was supposed to be funny and like bold.
I like Dr. Pepper for men.
I'm still trying to find what it is.
There's a
Brazilian man who made it.
Let's see.
Bro, eat what I've
eaten.
Where'd the sausages go?
Maybe stomach. All of them?
No, but like half of them.
I threw the rest out.
Yeah, good.
Fuck.
Been two hours?
I feel bad.
What can I do?
I don't know.
Maybe just...
I don't know.
Did the sit-ups...
Did the sit-ups help?
Not really.
It was close, though.
You just gotta get the body really moving around.
Shock the system.
I don't fucking fart when I work out like that.
I'm farting the whole time I work out.
Nope, I don't know where they are, but I hope they're great.
I'm worried you're gonna squeeze one out with no microphone.
I'm not close.
Okay.
I'm not close.
I'm not close.
How about jumping jacks?
All right.
Get the gas traveling up and down maybe. I'm not sure.
Yeah, yeah. There you go.
It can only help.
That's gonna help.
It might. Yeah, I think it might.
Especially with the stuff in your stomach.
Gotta fart after that.
I think movement
is the key. Movement is the key.
You might throw up.
Better not throw up.
Alright, go lay down.
Yeah.
Right now, lay down.
Yeah.
On your left side.
I'm not close.
I was closer at the very start when I didn't have anything in my stomach.
Oh.
Come on, bro. You got it in you. dude i said from the first show when we brought up this hell fart competition that I don't fart like that.
That I don't have farts in my body.
That I don't carry around the fart every day like a briefcase of fucking air.
And I don't know what to do, bro.
I feel bad.
All right, all right.
Was that you?
I'm like
cleaning my life and staying in so long.
Can we watch a bofart explosion or no?
No worries if it's like a protected
video.
It's probably one of the most powerful farts known to mankind.
What if I took my asshole to a toilet seat and recorded the sound?
I'm fine with that.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, let me just try that.
Okay, so here we have a hippo exiting the water.
What's the tail doing?
It's literally spinning like a helicopter.
What was that?
Did you see that?
Did you see that? Yeah, I saw it.
Okay, I think we're done.
I just really love that.
I just want to share that.
Thank you, TJ.
I think Bat and Cannonball Dookie, the original, are the two most YouTube videos that I make people watch.
So, what's new? Any big shows coming up any good any good stuff going on yeah i guess i'll just
you guys will just run some promo i'm sure a lot of people do yeah totally thank you to all three
people watching still is anyone watching i didn't realize no idea we have 11 000 live years
what they say 11 000 live viewers holy fuck that's say? 11,000 live viewers. Holy fuck.
That's insane.
Woo, you're the best.
I'm going to be in Plano, Texas, January 19th through the 21st.
Then I'm going to be in Boston at Laugh Boston, February 2nd to the 4th.
Have you done Plano yet?
I have not, but I've heard it's nice.
I thought it was in the middle of nowhere, but I guess it's right near Dallas.
Okay.
Yeah.
I got a bunch of people from Dallas hitting me up saying they're going. Oh, it's nice. I thought it was like in the middle of nowhere but I guess it's right near Dallas. Okay. Yeah.
I got a bunch of people from Dallas hitting me up
saying they're going.
Oh, that's awesome.
And then Boston,
I'm hoping is going to sell out.
That's a big one.
Oh, I'm sure it will.
I think Spittin' Chicklets
was just there last night.
Boston?
Or Monday night,
I think they were.
Yeah, they had a live show
in Boston.
I wonder where they did it.
Wilbur.
Oh, Jesus, yes.
Yeah, I'm doing Laugh Boston.
It'll be fun, though.
We did a live podcast there last year.
It was really fun.
It's a great venue.
Who's hanging out by the bathroom?
I think KB's in the bathroom.
Oh, still again.
I would imagine like the wrestling weight gain
weight loss whatever like when you're in it that has to mess with your pooper a little bit
oh yeah right on yeah oh yeah
i feel like it's a good thing the water machine is right there because it gives people a chance
to act casual near the bathroom everyone poops in yeah it lets you scope out the scene a little
bit and you can play it off like you're just getting a water getting a water yeah yeah that casual near the bathroom everyone poops in. Yeah. It lets you scope out the scene a little bit,
and you can play it off like you're just getting a water.
You're just getting a water, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
What did you guys,
why are you guys all in so much pain?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I feel like all we did was like eat snacks
and have one soda,
and everyone's like on the verge of death. You don't understand. I feel like all we did was eat snacks and have one soda and everyone's on the verge of death.
I understand when you're older.
Fuck.
I don't think Rome got this.
No, I don't think so.
He's going to try.
KB's out.
Or do you think he had KB record himself and send it to him?
I would honestly be fine with that at this point.
Yes, I would as well.
I would as well.
Here he comes.
Is this a walk of triumph or shame?
This is a walk of shame.
It's shame.
Get it?
I have a submission to the camera.
You guys let me know.
Okay.
Let's see if it counts.
Okay, everyone, focus.
Yes!
Oh, Christ.
All right, turn it off.
Yeah, that's fine.
That works.
Oh, yeah.
That was disgusting.
Jesus Christ.
Is that all right?
Yes.
Is that okay for you guys?
Yes.
Yes.
Is that all right?
Yes.
Maybe play it one more time.
No.
God, no.
TJ wants to hear it one more time.
Oh, Jesus.
That is so gross.
And I believe it's real because it sounds like a struggle.
You can hear me laughing.
It's hilarious.
A half of just pure relief.
So what was the toilet?
I mean, you want to hear it?
Yeah, play it back. It's gross. You want to hear it? Yeah, play it back.
It's gross.
You want to hear it?
Maybe?
Did it in the bathroom.
Yeah.
That was the key.
It's really gross.
It's disgusting.
That counts.
Yeah.
Let's get out of here. Yeah. Let's end the show. All right. Great job, everyone. Welcome to the new year. Oh, God. get out of here.
Great job, everyone.
Welcome to the new year.
I'm so sorry. Outro Music Happy season 10, everybody.