The Yak - Season 8 Gets Off To A Dark Start | The Yak 3-7-22
Episode Date: March 8, 2022The Wheel is DangerousYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Yo!
Season 8, boys.
Wow.
I wish Roan was here.
Wow.
Nick Sa, clap it up.
Wish Roan was here.
He's being a fucking asshole.
He's on his way.
He texted you that?
What's his problem?
He can't text all of us?
He can't text the group.
We got a lot of people on the Yak text message chain.
I was thinking about that the other day.
That's definitely our downfall.
Yeah, we should parse it down.
We still have some strays.
Should we parse it down?
Yeah, we cut a bunch of people off.
We did cut some people.
We had that random chick.
Is she still on?
Other O'Day's girl?
I think he rebooted her.
Who's?
I booted her.
All right, I'm going to ask a question that's going to suck because I don't have one person's number on there.
Oh, it's going to be Tyler Miller.
Okay.
Yeah.
Who's that?
I don't have his face either in my brain.
He does our clips on TikTok.
Yeah, he's doing our TikTok and Instagram.
It's Tyler.
And Twitter and stuff like that.
All right, I'm going to save his number right now.
Poached him for a million dollars worth of game.
Tyler stays.
He has an Excel spreadsheet that he copies and pastes the N-word from.
Yeah, because they won't let him.
Tyler, yeah.
Got it.
Can I get a copy of that?
Done.
You can use it.
Where is he right now?
I'd like to see his face.
Tall ass boy.
Text him.
Is it tall ass boy?
Oh, I have his number.
I'll text him right now.
FaceTime him.
Tyler, get in here.
Is he in the office?
Corey just gave you the suck it Season 8 boys
And it left no crumbs
We are here season 8
No crumbs
Feels good
Season 8 yeah
Season 8 and I think there's going to be a twist this season
Oh
This is the season fast comes of age.
That's right.
It is.
It's a month's twist.
Awesome.
We should actually make a preview.
Less than a month.
Like when you watch the first episode of a reality show and they're like,
this season is going to be unlike any other.
We should have a clip of all of us hammered fighting.
It's Ass's birthday coming up in April.
A super cut of us telling him that he can't drink.
Oh, and here he is.
Hey.
Welcome back.
Mr. Globetrotter.
Let's leave the door.
That's Tyler.
That's Tyler.
Tyler, what's up, dude?
How are we?
We have not met.
Tyler.
Have we met?
Before.
I started in June.
Shit.
I do all, like, boy dad and anus stuff.
Yeah, he's the man.
Legend.
All right, well, welcome aboard.
You're the only number I didn't have there, so we're...
I bet I got it.
All right.
Taller than Brandon?
Is he the tallest guy in the group?
Where have you been sitting?
Not taller than me.
All right, so upstairs.
So I get a pass for that, at least.
It's not like I've just been walking by you.
Nah, nah, nah. Okay, all right. So I get a pass for that at least. It's not like I've just been walking by you. No, no, no.
Okay, all right.
Cool.
Welcome aboard.
Doing your guys' Instagram and TikTok and Facebook.
Love it.
Oh, our Facebook.
Thank you.
Icebreaker?
Icebreaker?
Want to do an icebreaker?
Two truths and a lie.
Oh, yeah.
Nah, don't do that.
Keep the ice.
He watches the show.
He knows how bad this could go for him.
What the fuck is this?
Oh, shit.
Let me hit that.
Apparatus?
Apparatus is that.
Just hit it.
Are we getting high in season eight?
Is this weed?
It's definitely weed.
Is this a weed?
I don't know what's weed and what's not.
You guys are playing me right now.
Stop playing me, dude.
You're playing me right now.
It looks like it's filled with some sort of ancient ant.
Oh, why are you doing it like that?
Zoom in on him.
You have to press.
Show him how he's doing it.
Charge it.
Why are you sucking it?
Stop deep throating it.
I don't smoke.
Do you have to press the button?
Do it again.
Hold that how Voldemort
holds it long.
You have to press the button
while you hit it.
Can we make sure
your mom's watching this?
It needs to charge.
Oh, she's going to be pissed.
All right, now show us again
how you did it.
You're not
Yeah, hold it.
Hold it.
Oh, he ghosted it.
No, he ghosted it No he ghosted it
There's nothing
The weed community
Is so toxic
No you're toxic
Focus on your own high
And let me
Get there how I get there
I'm not smoking
You had it at first
You have not hit it
You gotta hold it down
Oh no
I think it's not charged
You gotta hold it down
You gotta wait for it to
No it's not charged
No it's flinking
Hit it five times
I'm hitting it I can feel it in my fucking lungs Five times turn it on Two You got to wait for it to let you feel it. It's not charged. No, it's blinking. Hit it five times. I'm hitting it.
I can feel it in my fucking lungs.
Five times.
Turn it on two times for a preheat.
Unless you're ghosting it, dude.
You might be ghosting it.
Is that just sitting there?
You're not clowning him for inhaling too hard, are you?
I didn't ghost that.
You must have ghosted it, Mick.
No, it's supposed to blink.
No, it's not.
Mick, twist it over a helicopter.
Oh, you hold it.
You hit it then.
I don't want to hit it, but you hold it.
Oh, look.
Now everyone's a pussy.
Right?
You hold it down until it, and then you hit it.
Oh, no.
You hit it five times to turn on, three times to preheat,
two times to change the temperature setting.
Y'all need to.
Everybody knows that.
I don't know how to.
Y'all are posers.
Fake stone.
I didn't have these when I grew up.
It's true.
We used to smoke real weed.
Smoke out of an apple.
I don't know how to use this.
Yeah, this shit is...
Throw that away.
Where'd that come from?
This is planted.
Why are you smoking those things anyway?
Aren't those super bad for you?
The carts?
No, the carts are good for you now.
No, it's not weed.
Welcome back, Roan.
You go to fucking Austin once,
and you come back with burnt orange Nike's.
Dude, you got burnt orange skin right now.
Dude, you look tan as fuck.
I'm holding my tan.
You're tan is fucking incredible.
I like your hat, Roan.
You look super tan.
Good hat.
I'm holding my tan.
Yeah, why is he so tan?
Did you get a spray to top off?
I got drunk in the Mexican sun.
Forgot to put on.
Wasn't that like a month ago?
Saw a bunch of dick.
Two weeks ago, I forgot to put on.
Your tan's hold, though.
You still have that tan line. It's holding nicely. From that poisoning you had ago? I saw a bunch of dick. Two weeks ago, I forgot to put on. Your tan's hold, though. You still have that tan line.
From that poisoning you had that one time?
The sun poisoning? No, I forgot to put on sunscreen.
Three out of the five days.
It looks incredible.
Roan, what, so
where the fuck have you been?
You know where I've been. We know. You know where I've
been, dude. I've been storm chasing, then
I was in Austin for a little bit, and now
Pause. My bad, bro. No homo. I was in Austin for a little bit. And now.
My bad, bro.
No homo.
I was in Austin for a little bit.
And now I'm back with the boys.
Did you enjoy Starkville?
I won't say anything too juicy.
Yes.
Save it for the podcast.
No, save it for this show, season eight.
There wasn't.
If you say yes, I'm going to be mad.
It wasn't.
There wasn't anything to it, really.
You only stayed four hours.
I know.
Did you get pink eye? No, I avoided pink eye. There was hand, foot, and mouth to it, really. You only stayed four hours. I know. Did you get pink eye?
No, I avoided pink eye.
There was hand, foot, and mouth going around, though.
I feel like I drove out of it like a scene in Twister.
That's gross.
Was that the crest of the wave?
You texted me that you loved it.
It was lovely. The drive-in, when we were driving on the water, Lord Huron.
You were marveling at how beautiful it was.
That part was beautiful.
That was underrated, but there were other parts of it that were a little bit less good.
We had to kind of stay the night.
Talk to the world like you talked to me about Starkville.
You told me it was wonderful.
I told you that the drive-in was beautiful.
I'll read the text messages.
No, I don't want you to read the fucking text messages.
Exactly, because they'll corroborate my story.
But it was the worst town.
It was the worst town?
Yeah. Good. It was the worst town. But Fouried. It was the worst town? Yeah.
Good.
It was the worst town, but Four Brothers was good.
It was Two Brothers.
Four Brothers is a movie with Tyrese Gibson.
What?
Oh, yeah.
What happened to the other two?
In the movie, two of them are black,
so they don't acknowledge it in Mississippi.
Two Brothers smoked meats.
It was delicious.
Did you have the smoked wings?
Yes, we did.
Did they take care of you?
They're very good.
We get it.
Yeah, it's not bad.
The worst Power 5 college town by a country kilo.
No, that is...
What's worse?
What's worse?
What's worse?
There are no good or bad towns.
You're going to say Corvallis.
Yes, there is.
You can have fun wherever you go.
That is true.
Yeah.
It's personalized.
If you don't...
There are metrics, and I would think that's the worst.
Any Power 5 town, there's going to be some bars, some restaurants,
and a lot of good-looking women.
And pink eye in Starkville.
There's probably pink eye at most college towns.
We found a hotel with indoor hallways, but it was about 35 miles away.
That's not true, Roan.
We didn't find one.
That's not true.
There's a Hilton Garden Inn a minute and a half from where you were.
That's not true.
There is a Hilton Garden Inn right by the Humphrey Coliseum.
That can't be true.
We looked high and low for one.
Couldn't find one?
No, there's red roof inns aplenty.
But outside of that, though, the Two Brothers was nice.
Two Brothers was very nice.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you, Brandon.
Sounds like a great time.
It was a great time.
Sounded like a great trip.
The boys loved TCU's campus.
They were infatuated with TCU.
Wait, that's Fort Worth, right?
Yeah, Fort Worth. Yeah, Fort Worth is actually very nice. TCU, TCU. Yeah. Fort Worth, yeah. TCU's campus. They were infatuated with TCU. Wait, that's Fort Worth, right? Yeah, Fort Worth.
Yeah, Fort Worth is actually very nice.
TCU, TCU.
Fort Worth, yeah.
TCU.
Fort Worth is nice.
I'm sure Fort Worth is nice.
I've never been there.
I've been.
It's very nice.
But it's nice.
I'd love to go out to TCU sometimes.
TCU.
That was a Frank begging.
Yeah, that was.
I'd love to come along.
I'd love to do something like this.
I've always wanted to do that.
I'm going to start quote tweeting all of the Storm Chasers videos. I'd love to be along. I'd love to do something like this. I've always wanted to do that. I'm going to start quote tweeting all of the Storm Chasers videos.
I'd love to do something like this someday.
I have a rain outfit like this.
This is crazy.
Anyways, have fun.
Any fights?
What do you mean?
Between the crew.
Oh, no, no.
Not at all.
The unity was at an all-time high.
Never was there anything close to...
Not even...
Someone maybe took a little too long in the bathroom
when you're trying to get to the next stop.
If anyone, it was me.
Really?
No.
Some people were late at different times.
It wasn't always me,
but it never was a sticking point.
Our unity was at an all-time high,
and someone on the trip turned a girl from lesbian to pesbian.
Whoa.
I'm not going to say who.
That's Chef Donnie.
That was Chef Donnie.
He's done it before.
He's done it before.
He'll do it again.
I won't say anything.
He'll do it again.
I won't say who did it.
We know who it was.
All right.
If you think you know, you think you know.
Some things might surprise you, though.
You missed the finale of season seven on Friday.
Yeah, you missed it
I know I heard word
Wait aren't we supposed to give him a punish
Yeah punish me up
Want to throw me on a wheel
It was quite something
Nick was very drunk
I didn't leave my apartment this weekend
I felt like shit the entire weekend
Well Nick was just drinking straight vodka
Nick juice
We were punishing ourselves So let's set it again. Well, Nick was just drinking straight vodka. Nick juice. Bye. Wheel.
We were punishing ourselves.
So let's set it
right now. We're still a wheel show.
The wheel had dominated season
seven. It's rise with season
six. Can I just say something? Do y'all not want to
kill the wheel? No, I don't want to kill the wheel.
I thought we put the wheel behind a tomb.
I want the
wheel to be respected from afar. I think we should put the wheel behind a tomb. I want to let... Yeah, commercialist, I know. I want the wheel to be respected from afar.
I think we should put the wheel in a medically induced coma.
Yeah.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
We could take it out whenever we want it.
Yeah, season six was the rise of the wheel.
Season seven, the wheel took over.
Right.
Season eight, we just...
We pushed the wheel to the side.
We had to learn how to coexist with the wheel.
Right.
So here's how we coexist.
The idea of what we had, where it was, how many, was it 20 spaces?
Yeah.
One wet, one reset, 18 dry.
Yeah.
It's a good idea.
That's the wheel just existing off to the side.
I think we just say it right now, here and now.
We spin it every single show.
No matter how many people are here, now. We spin it every single show.
No matter how many people are here, they have to do it.
That's how we got in trouble last time.
That is how we got in trouble.
It just is what it is.
It doesn't sound like we're putting the wheel to the side.
It is.
It's one spin a day. It sounds like we're actually putting it in trouble.
It's one spin a day.
It's the exact same spot that it was.
No, it's the exact same spot.
It's one spin a day.
Is it always a bad thing?
It's always a wet wheel?
Yeah.
When you say the wheel, you mean the wet wheel.
I was thinking about it.
It is a very funny premise that one random day,
whoever's on the show is going to have to get wet.
Yeah, let's do it.
And we ruined that premise.
Now we have to recapture it.
Can we throw a Lomo Saltado sliver on there?
No, we can't.
What?
I guess we could do a Lomo Saltado.
Yeah, one Lomo Saltado.
We can modify the wheel.
One Lomo Saltado. Good job one Lomo Saltado. We can modify the wheel. One Lomo Saltado.
Just leave it.
No, no, you're right.
If it lands on Lomo Saltado, we have to do a second wheel.
Who pays.
Pay wheel.
And that's just a one spin.
One spin pay wheel.
And if it lands on dry, we also have to get wet.
That's how you spell Lomo Saltado.
It's not even close, no.
It's fine.
I thought Brandon was pronouncing it the whole time.
Can you actually, TJ, can you put Lomo Saltado right next to wet?
Ooh, yeah.
Like a bankrupt.
Maybe both sides of wet.
Yeah, reset.
Yeah.
We're totally not going to use the wheel this season.
I think it's like Saltado, S-A-L-E-A-D-O.
Put it on either.
You move that to reset. It's Lomo. No, go on the other side of wet like Saltado, S-A-L-E-A-D-O. You moved that to reset.
It's Lomo.
No, go on the other side of wet.
I want Lomo Saltado on both sides of wet.
No, Lomo.
Like on Wheel of Fortune when the bank drops right next to the million.
The price is right where the five and the 15 are right by the dollar.
I like mine better.
You get a treat.
Mine was clearly better.
I said that two minutes ago.
You did?
He did say that. I like Nick's better. No, a treat. Mine was clearly better. I said that two minutes ago. You did? He did.
He did say that.
I like Nick's better.
No, it's Wheel of Fortunes.
Again, mine was clearly better.
Oh, look at that.
That's a good-looking wheel now.
Whoa.
It's kind of hot.
We're just going to invest more into the wheel?
Yeah.
Yeah, like I said, we're going to keep it off to the side.
I don't...
Yeah, that's better.
Thank you, TJ.
Okay.
So, it spun one... We don't make a big deal of it.
Spun once a show, and it's just respected.
Still overwhelmingly dry.
Everyone agree to respect it, okay?
It does look so much better.
What if we don't agree?
More aesthetically pleasing.
Then you're off the show.
Fuck.
I agree.
Wouldn't it be funny if it was today?
That was the easiest negotiation of my life.
Oh, today would be so funny.
Or what?
Wet or lemon?
High to low to thinking you're getting Seltato.
Then you just have to get wet.
Seltato is there.
It'll be like Wheel of Fortune.
Yeah, actually, yeah.
Kind of like the price is right.
Yeah, because it's $5.15 right beside the dollar.
That's actually a pretty good point.
Yeah.
By the way, shout out the vocal, no, the silent majority who love us.
Yeah.
Not the vocal minority who can go fuck the dog us real bad.
Let's not shout that out.
If you love us, be vocal.
Yeah.
Maybe speak up once in a goddamn while.
It's been working.
We've been pity fishing and they've been coming out.
I came for the wet wheel and I said nothing.
KB, what were you wearing last week?
What type of shit were you wearing?
Which day?
I know, that's my point.
A medley of outfits.
You were in medley mode.
What was it all about?
I was just trying new things.
Where's Rabbi Kyle?
He was out there just a second ago.
Oh, yeah, he is.
Yeah, there was a Jewish KB cut out now.
That's fucking fire.
How big?
Life-sized?
No.
Not quite.
No, 75%.
To scale?
Of you or of me?
Oh.
80.
It's more than 75.
Can you bring it in here?
We don't know where it went.
Ron, you've been gone so long.
Was there a war when you left?
No.
COVID still existed when I left.
Now COVID's over and now there's war.
Stephen Che really went full Che on us.
In what way?
We can't.
Oh, you weren't there for that?
No, war didn't exist.
There was no war when I left.
We also are going to do a waterboard episode.
Che wants water.
Autonomo Che.
Autonomo Che, yeah.
We can sell that shirt.
But he needs to, I know right now.
What was his words?
He's like, I think it wouldn't be that bad.
Well, yeah, and he.
Noted torture.
He's been wanting to do it.
I'm going to say it right now.
He is being very, he's really like digging his heels in saying that he won't do it unless I agree that there's a safe word.
I'm saying, right, I'm calling my shot.
What does he mean?
Does he think he will just outlast it?
Oh, no.
He knows that I will continue to torture him.
I'm calling my shot, though.
I will get him to do this without a safe word.
You think you can?
Yes.
It's not lethal, right?
No, I don't.
It can't kill you.
Can it kill you?
A little bit of drowning never was a question.
You talk when you're being waterboarded?
Not really.
No, I think you're more just screaming.
I would try it in the bathtub as a child.
I don't know what it is.
Put the cloth over your face.
You can't breathe.
It's the same as when your nose...
I want to say...
It simulates drowning.
I want to say there was a radio show that did it and got canceled for it.
Truth or consequences?
Why?
Who said they were going to be waterboarded?
Let's do it today.
I'll volunteer.
Some political...
All right, Taz.
I want a safe word.
Was it...
No.
I didn't realize.
Sign language, do egg.
Is it Tucker Carlson?
There are no safe words in this building.
Read your contract, brother.
You do have to sign off, yeah.
You know what?
I'll let Steven do a safe word, but he has to guess it.
Oh, yeah.
I'll write it down beforehand.
Yeah.
That's a fair compromise.
He knows a lot of words.
Three thousand words.
How come Youngstown Bob never gets tortured on here?
Yeah, you're right.
Or in general.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
He never gets tortured.
Do you think that would be a pretty crazy visual for someone tuning into the act for the first time
where he's waterboarding someone?
Yeah.
I kind of want to try it.
And not letting him stop.
Oh, here we go. I wonder what it feels like. We have a program having lost a listener. not letting him stop. Oh, here we go.
I wonder what it feels like.
We have a program having lost a listener.
Man Cow Muller.
Oh, Man Cow.
Yeah, Chicago guy.
Pat Cassidy.
He used to actually do TV.
Wait, what?
It's like right next to him.
Pat Cassidy is.
Wait, that's.
Pat Cassidy's.
That's Kate's baby's name?
Hard Factor Patch.
Oh, it sure is.
I doubt there's two of them.
Wait a second What?
Trinidad James manager?
Yeah he is
Yeah
What the fuck?
Yo
It's way worse than I thought it would be
It's no joke
And it only lasted six seconds
Ha!
Six seconds?
Okay
Like a bull ride
That's actually a pretty long time.
I feel like it would get bad fast.
All right.
Let's try it, Tess.
All right, let's spin the wheel.
Let's do a waterboarding wheel.
No, I'm down to do it.
Again, no.
You want to do it, Tess.
You said you would do it.
I know I would do it, but I want to save words.
Tess would complain before it even starts.
This towel is itchy.
Oh, you're going to use that type of water?
I just want to know what it would feel like.
What did you say before the show started about you having the biggest mic stand?
We all have this.
Why do I have the biggest?
It is.
Mine's noticeably bigger.
It's the same.
Do we keep breaking them?
Look how much longer mine is.
No, but they're all the same.
Brandon broke that one, and then KB's also broke, so that's why they had to replace some of the shitty ones.
Oh, that is longer.
I apologize.
No, but I thought it was the same.
It's adjusted in.
Look how long that top part is.
It's not.
If you twist this out, you pull this out.
Why would they make just the back part?
Sass is bigger than everyone else.
Oh, shit.
I agree.
No, let's keep Sass lighting.
All right, apologies, Sass.
Sass lighting.
I apologize, you.
You.
I apologize for you.
What would be the reasoning behind that?
Nah.
Bone to pick with him.
Really?
Oh, yeah, you do.
We get the legitimate rider.
What happened?
I'm out on Friday night.
Did he give you the glenny balls?
It was from the back.
He was walking, like, too away from me.
And I just called, hey, Billy.
And he didn't even look back.
He just shooed me away as if I was a pestering thing.
KB, hasn't this happened to you before?
Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy.
Didn't this happen to you before?
Uh-oh.
Do you know what we're about to say?
Oh, that wasn't.
Go ahead, KB, say it again.
It's good.
Oh.
Any idea?
Here we are.
Close the door.
Why don't you close the door, Billy?
We're in trouble.
We should.
I want this getting out.
Don't do this to Billy because he actually will start freaking out.
How about we'll play charades?
You tell me who I am.
Is it because I made fun of wrestlers?
If you want to catalyze them, just call out my name.
Okay.
All right.
Billy, call out his name.
Yo, KB. Hold on. Start over.
The top.
Yo, KB.
Oh!
Oh!
He just chewed you. Did that happen,
Billy? Where did this happen?
Who was I?
Not a celebrity, but a person.
Not a star by any means.
So guess who I was.
I don't think I did this.
You did.
Wow, where?
Friday night.
Oh, no.
You remember now, don't you?
You remember shooing?
I'm a big this guy.
Oh, okay.
Didn't turn your head.
That's different, KB.
Did he do that?
He did not.
He did not.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I believe that is in his arsenal.
If that's in my arsenal.
Across the street, that's a fair move.
There was no head movement.
It's like a wave, dude. I'm not shooing people yeah yeah wait where what where were we green rock outside of popular young men's bar were we in hoboken in new york it was new
york friday i was in hoboken friday oh oh no oh he wasn't. What was I wearing?
You were at Red Lion.
You were coming out.
Oh, he was.
Oh, yeah.
Why did you lie?
I was in Red Lion for a second, then we went back to Hobo.
You were there for a second.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Who's in the line?
Was I trying to get out?
I was just trying to like...
I know you wouldn't do that to me if you knew it was me.
So you should apologize to the entirety of your fan base.
I wasn't trying to...
In case...
Everyone's going to be afraid to acknowledge you in public now.
No, but was it like a...
Was it really like a shoe or was it like a yo?
Like a...
Maybe it was an underhand wave.
It was probably like a...
Maybe it was backhand.
Maybe answer the question.
Was I...
Yeah.
Jew or yo? He's apologetic.
I don't want to.
Shoe or yo?
Sorry, I didn't mean...
Again, don't apologize to me.
I wasn't personally afraid.
I was afraid for the other people.
I've done that move to many people,
so now maybe tons of people think I shoe them.
Was it a low yo?
I don't know.
I'm walking.
That's a shoe.
That's a shoe.
Get comfortable.
Get comfortable on the waist. Well, I'm trying to do it yeah okay i'll give you the it was like that move but it came across as like a i'm sorry yeah i'm actually like to apologize to everybody because i i try to
acknowledge people i'm walking by it's fast i'm sorry apology accepted apology accepted yes thank
you we believe that you're not an ill-intented man.
I'm sorry.
What is that in your hand, Billy?
What's up?
What's up?
We got some Tori, and this is the active ingredient in Red Bull.
So if you really want to get going, you guys want to get going?
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
This is Steen.
Yeah, just a little.
Utropic, yeah.
Okay.
So how do you?
You got a credit card over there?
Just take it.
What do you mean?
Just take it.
Is it a pill? Just put it in your mean, just take it. Is it a pill?
Just put it in your hands.
Oh, it's pills?
Oh, it's a pill.
Why is it in that container?
Yeah.
What are these?
Definitely be a powder.
Yeah.
How many milligrams?
They literally come from...
Taurine comes from Taurus,
which means bull,
and it comes from bull's testicles.
Bull's testicles.
Oh, good.
Oh, that's...
Oh, okay.
Red bull's red bull?
Wait, what is it?
Is it cum?
Is it cum?
It looks like dried up pills.
It comes from bull's testicles.
It's a compound.
It sounds like cum.
What does it do to you?
It gets you hyped.
It gets you Red Bull.
It gives you wings.
It's like caffeine.
Have you...
It's like angry...
It's like angry bulls.
Depends if I'm doing it or...
You should stop taking it then.
Yeah, I don't know if I want to take it.
It's going to get you guys hyped.
I'm not trying to be angry all day. All right, thank you. Snorting it?. You should stop taking it then. Yeah, I don't know if I want to take it. It's going to get you guys hyped.
I'm not trying to be angry all day. All right, thank you.
Snorting it?
No.
Are we taking it?
I think it can only be consumed through the...
I'm going to go ahead and pass.
I mean, it's up to you guys.
I'm really sorry about that, KB.
I'm sorry to everybody.
No, you're fine.
Thank you, Billy.
I kind of...
Thank you, Billy.
How many pills?
It was fine.
I got one.
You should pool them all together and do a wheel to see who has to take off.
We still haven't done the wheel.
Still haven't done the wheel.
Also, some breaking news.
Billy, by the way, just a quick side story.
You can't, you can't, that was mean of us to do like, Billy, you know what you did?
Because Hank the other night was like fucking with Billy.
He was like, hey, I got some dirt on you from the riders, from the Rico riders.
And Billy just confessed to like 15 crimes.
I actually felt bad.
I was like, was it this?
All right, Billy.
I got a very drunk FaceTime late from a co-worker.
Oh.
Yeah.
Tico?
No.
What?
No.
Mail?
Nate?
Mail.
I know it.
A mailman?
Mailman. Nate? A big man? it. A mailman? Mailman.
Nate?
A big man?
Not a postman either.
They're still male.
Yeah, that's a good question.
A big man?
He's big.
Riley?
No.
Nugs?
No.
Does he...
Was he drunk?
An analyst?
Hammered.
Analyst?
Yes.
Okay.
Sometimes. Random Walker? Sage? No, no, no. Analyst? Yes. Okay. Sometimes.
Random Walker?
Sage?
No, no, no.
I know the answer.
Huh?
Is he in content?
He's really trying, man.
Are you guys serious?
The Stoolie?
It was Stephen Che.
A drunk Che.
At what time?
Post beer pong victory.
Where was he?
A garage
A basement
Chicago?
We're in a cocaine garage?
He was doing
I was not
There was no cocaine in sight
You were hammered
I was very hammered
Yes you were
What were you doing?
One of my friends
Had a Mardi Gras party
And we had no kids for the night
We were getting construction done
On our house.
So, yeah, I had admittedly too much.
Over-served.
Why did you FaceTime Nick?
I forget how it came up.
I do that, too.
One of my buddies is engaged to this woman,
and they're asking about Barstool,
and they were saying how they were a huge dozen fans,
and this woman was saying how she loves Nick and will leave her husband for Nick.
Yeah.
Or fiance for Nick.
You said that while she was standing, and then her big-ass dude was just scowling behind.
So I thought it would be funny to get an admiring phone call.
He's probably uncomfortable as hell.
That's what I was doing.
He's like, why aren't you out?
And I was like, fuck, this has been embarrassing for me.
Stephen Chazer.
Yeah. And then I was like, I, this has been embarrassing for me. Stephen Chasin. Yeah.
And then I was like, I golfed with my dad on the Oculus.
He was like, I would beat
off so much if I had an Oculus.
And he was like, and a man. I don't recall
saying that, but that's accurate. He said, man to man,
I'm fucking hammered
right now. And then I was
like, alright man, we'll have fun.
We had a nice talk. We talked for a couple
minutes after. Yeah, we did.
Steven, did you play well at beer pong?
God, you smiled the entire time.
What a happy drunk.
Well, he's always smiling.
Oh, no, this was bigger.
Yeah, I was feeling pretty good.
Good shit.
Steven, when you get taxidermied or whatever,
when you get... Balmed?
You're doing the thing you're going to do?
Whatever the fuck happens when you lay in a casket,
you have to have them put a smile on your face.
You have to, dude.
Biggest.
You have to.
He'll have a natural smile.
Even when he dies, his face will just smile.
Yeah, he's going to be stuck smiling.
They can do that, right?
With Botox and whatever chemicals.
Imagine Steven, like that little thing that used to happen
when you were in elementary school.
If you make a face and they hit you in the back hard enough,
you'll be stuck with it.
That's Steven's origin story.
Just smiling, got smacked really hard
when he was five. It wasn't that late, right?
10.30?
Oh, Nick.
I guarantee you it was 10.30.
That's a late FaceTime.
I just accidentally licked the mic that's gross
it was uh 10 48 and i wasn't damn you were in bed saturday or friday
saturday oh you had a lot of vodka on friday afternoon sure a lot of vodka it was i was
hammering a glass of straight i was i was hammered that's really great from one hammered. You were drinking a glass of straight vodka. I was hammered. That's really great. From one hammered guy to another.
Yeah, that's right.
Pass the torch.
You secured a tattoo artist for the Yak.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
He went to a tattoo shop, and he said he'd come in, and maybe we could do a tattoo wheel
or something.
I like it.
I like it.
Maybe we do the seven or eight most generic tattoos and put it on a wheel.
I have most of those.
Scorpion, Chinese lettering. An anchor,
barbed wire. A four-leaf clover.
Yeah, we should. Infinity
on the ring finger. Yeah, fuck it.
Oh, man. Brandon, would you?
Back and forth arrows, that somehow
means something about God. Yeah, I'm
always moving forward.
Steven, you got got. I get a sip of that
sass. Let me get a waterfall of some of that water.
KB already drank out of his. You got got. I just saw a tweet come that, Sass? Let me get a waterfall of some of that water. KB already drank out of his.
You got got.
I just saw a tweet come across my timeline.
Oh, the Ross Tucker thing?
Yeah.
I'm alluding to it being a sarcastic tweet.
He texted me, too, about it.
I was like, you understand I get the joke, right?
You can read it.
Okay, you didn't get get.
You didn't get got.
I didn't.
I don't understand how people don't get that.
Steven, we decided when you were gone, we just all agreed that we will do the waterboarding thing.
There will be a safe word, but you have to guess it.
You won't know what it is beforehand.
I'll write it down.
Then no, I'm out.
You can guess it.
Wait, I can guess it before I go under.
No, you can guess it while you're under.
I'm not gonna be
able to talk you can ask what are you are you familiar with wordle yeah just uh i know what
it is i do the i do the nba version waterboarding wardle here i'll narrow it down nfl players oh
yes current all time how i'm assuming i'm gonna last five to ten seconds under this thing. I don't think there's going to be enough time to communicate.
What if you just hold your breath?
Your mouth is open.
But what if it's not open?
What if you close it?
You can hold your breath.
Then how am I communicating guesses?
Either way, you're going to have to study up on your NFL player names.
Done.
Okay, great.
All right, let's just do a test.
Alphabetical, who's first?
All right, go ahead.
Guess.
Alphabetical, Adrian Amos.
No.
What about Aaron Jones?
Oh, it's not alphabetical.
Just guess.
You're bound to guess.
Three guess.
This is you literally getting waterboarded right now.
Quentin Nelson.
No.
Justin Fields.
No. You're already dead. Think all Nelson. No. Justin Fields. No.
You're already dead.
Think all time.
Oh, all time?
Yeah.
Start over.
Bound to get it.
Jerry Rice.
No.
Lawrence Taylor.
No.
Warren Sapp.
No.
It was Vinny Testaverde.
You probably would have drowned.
Would have drowned.
See?
I mean, that's...
How did you not get that?
It wasn't that hard.
That was so easy.
I would have gotten there.
He absolutely would have gotten there.
I mean, that's a lot of seasons played.
Tess DeVerti went to high school in Stuart Manor.
See?
See, that was an easy one.
There it is.
Yeah.
I'm for the Bucs, didn't I?
I'm openly volunteering to do it right now.
Right now?
Right now.
You want to be waterboarded right now?
Let's do that, yeah.
I want a safe word.
I don't know.
No.
You don't have a waterboard?
No, we don't know how to waterboard.
I watched Zero Dark Thirty this weekend.
You just tilt your head back and they put a towel on your face.
I'll just sit on that or something like that.
Why don't we do that?
Why don't Sass and I do it the same day?
Not today.
Owen, come back.
Why not today?
Because we've got to put a tarp down.
We're in such a hurry.
We need to strike while this iron is hot.
Yeah, we're not going to get this again.
We're not going to get this again out of the board.
We'll get it again.
He wants waterboarded right now.
He wants it right now.
What I'm saying is why don't we do it and we'll see.
We'll use actual safe words and then we'll see who can go the longest.
It's probably not going to be me.
I just want to see what it feels like.
Yeah.
Why?
See if I can withhold the fire.
By the way, we are going to
i was talking to the new director of content henry lockwood boss man boss i can't get a text back
from that big meeting from him tomorrow yeah uh we are going to do a competition this summer
everyone on the yak waterboarding olympics no uh everyone in the pool at the same time who can
tread water the longest Simulated shipwreck
Or like pause Olympics
All of us
Just us
Yeah
All of us
In one body of water
We gotta keep the ratio
We should get actresses
Or we could maybe have some chicks
That's when I would do it
See if Beeman maybe will come and stand in the shallow end
Yeah I would chicken fight
Against her
We'll do it at Stu's pool
88 degrees That will be good though against her. It'll do it at Stu's pool.
88 degrees.
That will be good, though.
Are you guys not waterboarding?
They don't want to.
I want to actually set it up.
I mean, we could do it, but it's not real.
Like, you need to be on a table.
You need to have your hands tied down.
You need to have a cloth over your face. No, I'm being serious.
Let's try. Let's ease into it, I'm being serious. Let's try.
Let's ease into it.
Let's do a casual water.
We'll do bamboo under the fingertips.
You can try. That sounds way worse.
Because we've got to have it real for Che, so we'll
use him as the practice guy. I didn't realize my hands would be
tied. Yeah, I'll try. What makes you think it's
not that bad, Tess? I don't think
I'm going to last more than five seconds. I just
want to know what it feels like.
Why?
It's torture.
It feels like drowning.
Yeah, I want to know what it feels like.
It doesn't, but no other tortures.
Anyone can experience torture for five seconds.
Like, that's nothing.
No other tortures, though, are people like, oh, I've got to try that.
Like, I want to, like, get my, like, fingers.
Because it's not going to kill me, and I don't think it's going to, like, fuck me up too bad.
Neither would getting your fingernails ripped off.
What if I pinched you?
That would kill.
Sass, I just put down another NFL name.
No, I'm not doing that.
Go ahead.
I'm not doing the NFL name.
Go ahead.
Guess one.
No Sean Moreno.
That's a good one.
Tom Brady.
No.
No Sean Moreno.
No Sean Moreno.
No.
Take back Tom Brady.
Look, look, look.
Tom Brady.
Think all time.
Think all time.
I don't know what you're saying.
I think Nnamdi Asamoah.
Nnamdi Asamoah. Thank you. Nnamdi Asawa. No, time. Think all time. I don't know what you're saying. I think Nnamdi Asamoah. Nnamdi Asamoah.
Thank you.
Nnamdi Asawa.
No, it was Tony Mandrick.
Ah.
That makes sense.
Steven would have got that.
Yeah, he would have gotten that.
I think if I have a chair and I just put my head back onto the table, which is like what they do.
Hey, we're doing it.
I'm down to do it.
You want a sip of water maybe?
It doesn't make me feel crazy.
I'm not singling you out
but last week you were vehemently
against getting wet.
Now you won't get water bored.
Oh, we got to spin it.
Spin the wheel.
Yeah, fucking do it.
Get out of the way.
I hope it's Lomas Saltados.
I hope it's Lomas Saltados too.
That would be great.
I ordered a chili delivery
to be here at 2.30
and it's right behind me now.
That chili's going to be hell yeah chili.30, and it's right behind me now. That chili's going to be...
Hell yeah.
Chili.
I brought my lunch.
Spin it.
Hell yeah is very good.
Chili season's damn near over, though.
Okay, we're good.
Hell yeah.
See, we don't even have to worry about it.
Great dry day.
Just take away the dry, and then tomorrow, just spin it.
Dry day vibes.
Move along.
Lomo Saltado never gets removed. Dry day, Bob. Move along. The Lomo Saltado
never gets removed. Just want to put that out there.
Yeah, sure. It doesn't get removed.
Owen had a funny ass video.
He did. Good shit.
Yeah. Acted well.
Are we waterboarding, Sass?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sass? Sass. Alright.
Grab that great towel right there and put it on the ground.
Just put it over the wires.
Oh.
That gray towel right here on the ground.
This day would come.
Wait, we just had that here?
No, no, no.
Right there.
Right there.
Wait, that's Stephen Jay's piss towel.
Oh, you motherfucker, Nick.
I'm not having Sass waterboard on.
God damn it, Nick.
Oh, Nick.
Oh, I'm not.
Nick, you ruined that.
Piss towel.
You ruined that. That would be so mean. That would have been awesome. Volunteering to get waterboard. God damn it, Nick. Oh, Nick. Nick, you ruined that. Piss towel. You ruined that.
That would be so mean.
That would have been awesome.
Volunteering to get waterboarded.
And the real torture is you're laying in Stephen Chay's piss.
I'm going to lay down.
I guess that makes sense.
All right, fine.
I'm mad at you, Nick.
I am mad at you.
You guys want to waterboard me with piss?
Yes.
Kind of.
Kind of.
Am I going to throw up?
Do you think you can survive all of us pissing at the same time?
Yeah, you have to survive all of us pissing.
Me?
All right.
Now I'll make him do it because I feel like he's back.
All right, let's go.
Come on, come on.
I like that.
Oh, no, no.
Now you have to.
Okay, well, what's the safety word?
This is how you-
Someone's got to hold your feet and a gun?
It's the worst punishment in the history of mankind.
That doesn't seem right.
Wouldn't the electric chair be worse?
No, because that at least you die quick.
I feel like if you space out the pores,
he can last a lot longer, but it will be
overall more miserable.
You're supposed to pour a little
at a time so they don't die and then try and
get them to say something. What if we accidentally
kill him? I know, I'm scared. You can't die,
Ken. How I'm scared? How about we
will withhold pores, the intervals, as long as you're naming NFL players. kill him i know i'm scared you can't die how i'm scared how about we won't how about we will
withhold pours the intervals as long as you're naming nfl players yeah oh stop for over a second
then we pour i don't think i'm gonna be able to talk this is how i die is this yeah i was gonna
say is this i'm just talking out loud right now is this something that no i don't care about that
i'm scaring more about, like,
are people going to be like,
you guys are making fun of torture?
I think we're bringing awareness.
Awareness to torture.
Terrorists.
Right, but wasn't it deemed, like, so terrible
that they, like, the Geneva Convention or something?
People were like, the terrorists are actually right.
Yeah, the terrorists are right.
Stop doing that.
I think it was a torture loophole. Like, it wasn't right. Yeah, the terrorists are right. Stop doing that. I think it was a torture
loophole. It wasn't banned.
Then they banned it.
I don't think it's crazy to be morally
against torture.
This is fun.
This is taken down from YouTube.
Are we going to have to censor it?
I'm asking questions.
Just put a disclaimer up and say it's performed by trained professionals.
Look up on YouTube waterboarding parody or whatever.
Waterboarding bit, waterboarding ironic.
When we pour the water, TJ, can you make it look like we're pouring flowers onto them?
Yeah.
I don't want to get canceled either.
For being waterboarded?
Like slime or something?
People call the dudes terrorists now who got waterboarded.
Really?
They all got fucking canceled badly.
It'd be a shitty way to get canceled, man.
Oh, plenty of people.
Oh, yeah, they're doing it.
Who's this beef?
Wait, go up to the beef.
Wait, wait, wait.
But go to the comments.
Go to the top beef man.
Who's the beef?
TJ, what the fuck?
I'm not going to skip the beef, are we?
Beef is that?
All right, go straight to the comments.
Oh, what's this lumen?
I'm going to go ahead and throw out a preemptive dibs.
Fuck that.
The lumen or the beef?
That was a long disclaimer.
What do the people say?
Who want to upvote this stream?
It sounds like guys having a good time.
Wait, what's that?
Oh, I forgot the gun part of it.
No, I forgot the gun part.
What's that? Oh, my God. Oh, you got. No, I forgot the gun part. What was that?
Oh, my God.
Oh, you got to use your towel.
That was police showdown.
...over a person's face, and then you pour water on that towel, and it makes it feel like...
It's Roger Klotz.
Dude Perfect video?
Skeeter, get down here.
Uh-oh.
Ah!
Hey.
So, what do you have? Yeah, man. So, we're listening to waterboarding?
Why can't we see?
Listening to waterboarding.
Whoa, whoa.
You've got to hold them down.
You'll have to try harder than that.
Okay.
Oh, I know this guy.
See, we need something like that where it's...
What is it? What is it? Tell us. What'd you ask your mother? What is it, huh? What'd you ask your mother? All right. See we need something like that where it's
What you ask your mother
Alright, it's up with it. Well. This makes us seem a lot better because we're not gonna do like the torture
They're barely even doing it like tickling his head
Can we go to the comments I want to see what people said.
I feel like this is either a call for help with the best YouTube channel.
What a waste of money. You guys ruined it.
Why is he behaving like that?
Yeah, you don't have to, man.
But let's be serious.
You are hilarious.
I can't stop laughing while checking out your videos.
Stay safe, bro.
Let's be serious.
You have a...
No, reply to that person
and say, get a life.
I just want to mention
that you guys are terrible at this.
This is more signing
on the sportsbook you do.
I hate this.
I hate this fucking video.
I want this guy waterboarded.
That's what Price is writing.
What's his deal?
He also was like,
make sure you tie my hands
so my muscles are popping.
He is jacked.
They're not holding it down long enough.
This is like buff and bound.
This reminds me of my...
They're edging.
They're edging getting him wet?
Is this like a waterproof hard owl?
Put your ass.
God damn it.
Sucks.
Sucks so bad.
Worst video ever. I don't want to do it to Che anymore. Oh, I don't want to do it again. Come on. God damn it. It sucks. It sucks so bad. Worst video ever.
I don't want to do it to Che anymore.
Oh, I don't want to do it.
No.
This is actually the new waterboarding, watching this video.
If you make terrorists watch this video, they'll tell you everything.
He broke the chair.
Why is he so strong?
Well, they went a little further.
They have, like, masks on.
Yeah, yeah, they did.
Yeah.
That wasn't that fun to watch.
I don't know if I want sausage. That was brutal.
I'm not going to be like giggling
and you guys aren't going to be like...
We did watch the beefcake one though. We did watch the beefy guy.
We could watch the other videos and
see if... I don't think you're going to
be able to name NFL players
fast enough. What? Oh, now he's just
pointing on his cock and balls? That's worse.
What was that?
Steven, go ahead. Three guesses.
All time?
Yeah.
The Breaker Shot Ferguson.
No.
Fred Taylor.
No.
Chris Collinsworth.
It was Dante Hall.
Damn.
It would never be Chris Collinsworth.
Never.
This is going to be my new favorite game with Chavis.
He's so frustrated every time.
Wait, he's using.
Uh-oh.
Oh, okay.
All right, friend.
Oh, no.
Wait, Roan, is this not your.
Roan, you're not shooting.
Is this not your job anymore, Roan?
Roan's pissed.
Oh, boy.
Roan, crash it.
Roan, this is how long you've been gone.
Wow. Wow. This is tough. Go interrupt it. Go interrupt it. Go crash it. Rone, this is how long you've been gone. Wow.
Wow.
This is tough.
Go interrupt it.
Go interrupt it.
Go interrupt it.
Go interrupt it.
Go interrupt it.
Oh, fuck.
Go interrupt it.
God damn.
Gotta interrupt it.
He's pissed, too.
Because Frank did this on purpose.
Frank is not bad.
He's broke.
You're up.
Frank does not do anything by accident.
Look, Frank knows.
Frank knows. Frank knows.
Frank, he knows exactly what he did.
He smiled because he knows.
Frank is unbelievable.
Puppet master.
He really is.
Nothing's an accident with Frank Fleming.
He just pointed at Rowan hard.
See the whole thing.
Oh, that's the first time he's ever touched me.
Yeah, wow.
We should get a cardboard cutout of Owen
and see if Frank notices on Thursday.
Let's put it at his desk.
No, put it in his seat on the show.
Just sits on it.
Who the fuck is this?
Oh, that's the other guy.
Where's he?
I think Frank just alpha'd Rome.
Yeah, he did. That didn't go well.
Duggs is laughing?
Yeah, Duggs is laughing.
Walk away, skinny
boy. Oh, man.
Hey, listen, dude. I'm
sorry about what happened there.
What happened?
Frank said that he'd come on Wednesday and Thursday to talk about it.
I'll show.
He did this on purpose.
Obviously.
He brought his fucking hot new girlfriend to the fucking ball,
and I'm fucking sitting there in the corner.
Look how happy.
I'm sitting off.
See?
Ebony's hair looks good today. Yeah, it the corner. Look how happy. Getting off. See?
Ebony's hair looks good today.
Yeah, it does.
Frank's so happy.
Who made that, Kyle?
Well, he knows.
Ben Bice?
What was it for the thing?
Yeah.
Ben Bice.
Did Ben Bice do that so it could be in Frank's soda review?
No, he sent it to Kyle.
No, yeah.
Hey, you put it there so it would be in the soda review? There's a lot of things that changed around here since you've last been here, buddy.
I don't like the fucking new bar stool, bro.
We're all Jewish now.
This shit ain't your company anymore.
This shit don't feel like Milton anymore.
This shit is wrong, man.
What the fuck?
Who's that guy?
Huh?
Liam?
Boy.
Oh, producer of PMT, no?
What the fuck?
Yes.
That guy's a producer of PMT now?
Fuck, bro.
I know.
Shit's changed around here, man.
I don't like it.
What happened to this place?
I know.
I don't like it at all, man.
When I left, fucking, you were about this high.
Sitting down?
Don't ask, boy.
This is fucking harrowing. I'm going to be back with the boys, boy. This is fucking harrowing.
I'm going to be back with the boys, though.
It's good to have you back.
Are we doing a draft Friday?
I'm not going to be here.
I'm out on Friday.
What?
Are we doing Thursday?
Do we get weird with a hump day draft?
Yeah, hump day draft.
I'm not going to be here after Tuesday.
What?
I'm not going to be here Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Why?
The Sass tour is taking off.
People really do want a draft.
We need a draft.
You're bringing it to the people.
Plug what you got to plug. What are you doing in Telluride?
We're going to hang out
with some friends and skiing
and then we're going to head on over to Denver.
Wait, another vacation? You're going to get meals when you're out there. No, this is going to head on over to Denver. Wait, another vacation?
You're going to get meals when you're out there.
No, this is a tour.
Oh, got it.
Yeah, sorry.
And then I'm going to Denver.
Going to try the famous cheeseburgers out there.
Nice.
Then we'll probably ship it back to New York.
Any local radio shows you're going to appear on?
No, no.
Sure?
Yeah.
Is the sports book available in Colorado?
Yes.
Oh, I confused that with Texas.
I think there's probably a couple radio shows local.
We could get you one.
Also, what do you mean, again?
Oh, no.
You were on vacation.
When?
You just never left vacation.
When was I on vacation? You refused to get waterboarding gallivanting
you've been on a year-long gallivant actually spanned into last year i'm here every goddamn
day did mincy mean it when he said that they stopped serving beer after the seventh quarter
i screenshotted that within a second just to have it in my archives what was he didn't delete it though of course was i was that
what was he conveying what the the the worker said brandon is i think at i think he's overflowing
with mincey he's our baseball guy and he said seventh quarter i'm good i'm good seventh quarter
back tomorrow and i can't wait to uh discuss Booze after the seven? 23-day Mincy tour.
Sometimes you get things you want.
He said that the tour tank is running out of gas.
Oh, no.
We got to refill it.
He said he was getting himself together to go to Minute Maid. Minute to the ball.
I think that just means that Dave needs to get more rays.
That's why they're shipping me out to Colorado.
Yeah.
To polish off the tour.
Finish it off.
That road life ain't easy, man.
He looks tired.
He does.
It's after midnight.
He's in his eyes.
I'm exhausted.
The tour's over.
He's falling asleep.
Damn.
In his defense, he is genuinely tired.
To be fair, he had been up for 16 hours.
Yeah, that's right.
You can't fake that.
Man needs a break, Brandon.
What more do you want? 23-day tour is a lot. Put this entire company on his back. You can't fake that. Man needs a break, Brandon. What more do you want?
23-day tour is a lot.
Put this entire company on his back.
Benny, Benny, Benny.
Like, Brandon, you wouldn't trade with him.
Like, you don't want to spend your time in the South.
Yeah, just eating barbecue.
That would suck.
Being happy.
Weather's good.
Being around family.
There's so much pork in the South, though.
So much.
It's too much pork, though.
It's not too much pork.
It's the right amount of pork.
It leaves your heart feeling bad. You're not a much pork. It's the right amount of pork.
It leaves your heart feeling bad.
You're not a tour guy.
Yeah, no, you're not a tour guy.
I'm not a tour guy.
No.
You're staying back.
You're not a tour guy.
You're a tour guy.
Oh, shit.
You've torn a guy.
Yeah, it's fine.
You're a stay back and chill with the homies. Yeah, he's having...
You're a city boy.
He'll be back.
You're a city slicker.
Back tomorrow. Live event. Lisa's really yucking You're a city slicker. You're back tomorrow.
Live event.
Lisa's really yucking it up
at your cardboard cutout.
She loves it.
She loves it.
She goes crazy, Lisa.
She said,
she just spelled
are you Jewish?
She's reacting
as if it's the first time.
She already saw it
last week react it.
No, you're Jewish.
Yo, you Jewish now.
Should we get live in here? Yeah, react it. No, you're Jewish. Yo, you Jewish now. Should we get live in here?
Yeah, fuck yeah.
I don't know what she was saying.
You know what she was saying, bro.
Do it offline.
Mincy, Brandon, I think, had his fill of Mincy because we were on the,
I'm on the Pick Central group text, which I shouldn't be on anymore,
but they were, like, discussing the prize and like how the
prize got taken away for a month and everyone was like mincy you should just talk to westy and get
this figured out stop stop stop brandon was like stop they're fucking with you you're full of it
he was like i got this oh everybody wasn't like that you were like that well i'm yeah you said
oil everyone right you said mincy you should you should get the money taken care of and then he
believes everything y'all say to him and he thinks thinks he's going to get it taken care of now.
He probably will. Knowing Mincy, he probably will.
I'm trying to get money for my people, and you're going to give him credit for the work I've done.
Oh, no.
Who has done more for the sportsbook this month than Ben Vince?
Nobody.
You can't put your boots on the ground because you don't own a pair of boots.
You're a Jordan guy now.
Yeah.
Put your cement on the ground.
He changed you.
I'll be going back soon.
I remember Brandon's first day here.
Do you?
Walking in in his cowboy boots.
Cowboy hat on.
He's on a horse.
He took them off and threw him in the trash
I'm never wearing
these things again
he had his little shirt
with the tassels
in front of it
fucking burned it
like Franklin
went over to Big Cat's pile
and decided he wanted
to dress exactly
like Big Cat
and then he did
took a couple of Jordans
and that was my life
decided to be
a Mississippi State fan.
You were just a cowpoke back then.
I was.
Humble worm farmer without an allegiance.
He said, that's the way to make it in this business.
Find a team and let it fucking kill you, man.
Amen.
I need a tour.
Yep.
The act needs a tour.
Why don't you guys come to Colorado on the Sass tour?
It's just in Rado, bro.
Probably room on the bus.
I think the act should get away for a week.
I am going to be gone
traveling for work for like a month straight.
You should go on the boob cruise. Where are you going?
I'm going to
somewhere for a boxing thing.
I don't know where. I meet tomorrow.
Possibly Ghana.
They're trying to get me to go to Ghana. This is actually a boxing thing. I don't know where. I meet tomorrow. Possibly Ghana.
They're trying to get me to go to Ghana.
This is actually... They're sending me to Vegas.
They're trying to get me to go to Ghana.
San Diego.
You're going to San Diego?
Yeah, yeah.
When is this?
That's the most beautiful city in America.
This is a new Hank regime.
He's just sending people away.
You got Ghana.
I got Ghana.
And next week...
Ghana is a whole vibe.
Next week you're going to San Diego?
And then El Paso.
Early in the week. We're going to Philly. I know. At the end of the week I'm coming back. I going to San Diego? And then El Paso. Early in the week, not the end of the week.
We're going to Philly.
I know.
At the end of the week I'm coming back.
We're coming to Philly.
Then El Paso, right?
That might be a you thing.
Fuck.
Then we're doing Rediscovering America for a week.
And then a more thing.
Where are you going this weekend?
Oh, we're going to Wheeling.
We are going to Wheeling with Biz.
That's a two more thing.
Yeah, fuck.
With Biz? Yeah. Why? He played for the with Biz. That's the two more thing. Yeah, fuck. With Biz?
Yeah.
Why?
He played for the Hawkers.
The Hawkers are retiring his number.
We're escorting him out on the ice.
You guys are...
That's amazing.
That's going to be incredible.
When is that?
23rd?
March?
5th?
5th?
It's like a Friday.
Yeah, it is.
Also, we have our bracket busters competition, which...
We're doing it again.
Oh, yeah. You'll win again. We're doing it again. Oh, yeah.
You'll win again.
The last one was easy because I just picked the team that I knew would win the first two.
Right.
It is easy.
No one else did that.
I don't know how, but I did, yeah.
Right.
And you're going to do it again.
Oregon?
Yeah.
Beat Wisconsin.
That was an easy.
That was the most obvious first round upset.
Easiest.
They beat Cal.
I picked Rutgers like an idiot.
Morons.
Me and Mincy were on a team together for that.
Irvine.
Were you?
Nice.
Yeah, you were.
Who would have thought a year later we'd both be going on tour?
No.
I know.
Did you guys get your Bitcoin thing for that?
No, it wasn't.
Was it Bitcoin?
It was a Bitcoin.
Yeah, you got like, well, we all just. There were like eight people that won it, so it was all like. It's Litecoin. Did you win your Bitcoin thing for that? No, it wasn't. Was it Bitcoin? It was a Bitcoin. Yeah, you got like, well, we all.
There were like eight people that won it.
So it was all like.
It's Litecoin.
Did you win it?
No.
We lost the second round.
I'm hosting it.
Whoa.
Damn.
Good for you, man.
Lots changed in a year.
So now that Hank's like director of content.
No, this is just because.
Helping out his boys.
Literally because Dave's.
Yeah, so is he just going to put you in everything now?
Yeah.
Dave's not here. Bullshit. All right. I text put you in everything now? Yeah. Dave's not here.
Bullshit.
All right.
I text Hank and congratulate him, and I was like, hey, man, it's awesome.
You deserve this.
And now he's trying to send me to Africa.
He's got a flat.
Are you really going next Monday and then coming back on Wednesday?
They want me to go to Ghana for two days.
And they're making you bring all the Bengal Super Bowl merch.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's my day.
You sent some champion shirts to people.
Ghana's a two-night city.
Yeah.
I've always said Ghana's a two-night city.
It's a great weekend trip.
All the boys are still partying.
Yeah.
You don't want to be there longer.
I had three on Ghana.
You just want to get home.
You've always said that.
Yeah.
What's the city in Ghana? Accra. Accra. Is that where you just want to get home you've always said that yeah what's the city in Ghana?
Accra Accra
is that where you're gonna be?
yeah
a little bit outside
like 20 minutes south
you don't want to stay in Accra
though
just stay
you want to go
nobody
yeah it's like
it's like downtown LA
stay in Burundi
yeah definitely stay
have you been to Ghana?
oh yeah
how am I gonna fit in?
it's like partying in the USA.
Am I going to fit in?
It's fun, man.
It's fun.
Especially Accra.
Accra's nightlife is popping.
Look to the right and I see the Accra sign.
Let's go.
Are you actually going?
I don't think so.
How far is Ghana from Zimbabwe?
That's what the meeting is about.
From Zimbabwe on a big jet on
one of the bigger long haul ones, probably
eight, nine hours. Oh, okay. And how long
would it be from New York to go straight to Accra?
Probably the
same, because yeah, that's west. Eight or nine
hours. West coast. Same as
San Diego. You guys have sigmas in your
head. I always look at,
every week I look at the Snapchat world map
and I zoom into like African cities
and they're having a blast.
They club.
They go hard.
What do you do by that?
What?
Oh, never mind.
What do you mean?
Yaoundé.
I don't know
if that's how you pronounce it.
Cameroon.
They go the hardest
on Snapchat.
If you ever want to
zoom in there,
check it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Hank,
if you're listening,
KB wants to go to Cameroon. Wait, so wait. Why would you be want to zoom in there, check it out. Yeah, yeah. Well, Hank, if you're listening, KB wants to go to Cameroon.
Wait, so wait,
why would you be going to Ghana alone?
What the fuck is Ghana? I don't know if we're allowed to talk about it.
Yeah. I didn't get
talked about it. It's like this boxing thing, and we're
each going to be with a boxer, and mine happens
to be in Ghana.
Do you want to go to San Diego instead? I'll go to San Diego.
You want to take my one? We got a Ghana guy
in Rough and Rowdy?
I think I'm either Ghana or LA.
Wheel for it.
That's what I'm meeting for tomorrow.
I need to find out.
You get an envelope.
If we do a tour, we should do a wheel tour.
That would be cool if we just did a wheel of where we go next.
So we get home.
Wow, city wheel. So we get home.
City wheel.
So we get home.
I'm trying to overlap tours.
A wheel tour.
If it was like 10 different cities and New York was on there, so as soon as we hit New York, we'd come back.
Yeah.
Dubai is on there too.
If we hit New York in the first one, we don't go anywhere.
Can we each nominate a city?
But we don't refund tickets.
Can we each nominate a city? Yeah, we all bring one to the table.
Hank's in the chat on the part of my tech account.
He said approved booking flights now. Oh, nice. For one to the table. Hank's in the chat on the part of my take account. He said, approved booking flights now.
Oh, nice.
Forgot.
Forgot.
It was in a meeting.
I have to go actually do the rundown.
What?
Old school?
Yeah.
Thank you.
That would be nice.
Che, one more guess.
You get three guesses.
I'm not getting a live show, so I overlap it with the live show.
Give me a decade in conference.
This one's tough.
Last 10 years, NFC North.
KB, I agree.
Dave requested so he can make fun of us.
I didn't know if Dave's on.
Also, he owes us a day.
He owes us a day.
Why doesn't he come on the act?
It's been almost a month.
Bernard Berrien. No. Come on, dude. That was's been almost a month. It's true. Bernard Berrien.
No.
Come on, dude.
That was not going to be it.
Jordy Nelson.
He's got to be somebody in the DUI.
Jared Allen.
No.
No, it was Jamarcus Webb.
Damn.
I love how Steve's like, fuck, fuck.
Fucking close.
I said a bear first.
God damn it.
So am I not getting waterboarded today?
No. We'll do it when Big Cat leaves.
Tomorrow? Yes.
Okay. You want to be waterboarded?
Pete. Pete.
Oh, come here. I have a question.
He gave you the billy wave off. Motherfucker.
I hate this guy. Paul Hank can ask.
Alright. Yeah, I will
waterboard you tomorrow if you're willing,
ready, and able. Yeah.
Okay. Deal.
Sounds good.
Perfect.
I'll bring my waterboarding clothes.
No, you can't do that.
Mm-mm.
Just proper, regular attire.
Maybe we'll bring in, you know what, we'll bring in the bench press from the PMT. Oh, yeah, that's perfect.
It'll tie you down.
Well, I don't want to be tied.
That's how it works.
You said you want to be waterboarded.
You're going to be tied.
What if two people are in your arms now?
You're not tortured if you're not tied.
Right.
Then it's just drinking water with a fucking towel on.
Why?
You can drink water with a towel on if you want.
No, I'll get tied.
Pete's in over there if you want.
Let's leave this up to the director of content, Hank, so it can be on him.
Hank will decide if we can get waterboarded or not.
Pete, can we waterboard in here?
It's consensual?
Yes.
Yeah, just tarp it down.
You have something, what's in your throat?
I was just eating chocolate.
That's why I steal those sandwiches.
Top smear.
It's something.
This wasn't my idea.
There's something viscous in your throat.
I tried to avoid this and you demanded it. All jizzness skeet. Here smear. It's something. This wasn't my idea. I tried. There's something viscous in your throat. I tried to avoid this and you demanded it.
Was it?
All jizzness skeet.
Here we are.
Yeah.
Not familiar with those terms.
All right.
You know.
Yep.
Oh, shit.
It's already two o'clock?
Yeah, I didn't realize.
Time flies when you're with your fucking boys.
Joe, we can chill.
You want to chill?
Yeah.
It's definitely not a nice show.
I'll ask the boys.
I'll come back.
Is JJ Reddick still here?
He's here?
No.
I saw a picture with him in Jersey Jerry.
What was the video of him and his wife in a vehicle with a...
It may have been a kidnap.
Human trafficking.
No, no.
It wasn't a kidnap.
Did we ever get to the bottom of that?
No.
The car got away.
That was insane. I know. What was going on there? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No wasn't a kidnapping. Did we ever get to the bottom of that? No, the car got away. That was insane.
I know.
That was staged, right?
What was going on there?
No.
That was staged, right?
Not at all.
How could it not have been?
How could it have been?
You can stage anything?
Why would he stage that?
He went to Duke.
Oh, we're talking about Duke.
He didn't go to Duke.
I forgot.
I thought we moved off J.J. Reddick
and into that viral clip last week of the staged...
Oh, this is ReddJ. Redick and into that viral clip last week of the staged. This is Redick.
Redick.
Oh, man.
Damn.
Brandon, what do we got on the prep sheet?
Hell of a day.
Prep sheet.
We have them?
Yeah, they're over there.
A stack of them.
This is not the prep sheet.
We don't have ads anymore?
Wood.
Oh, we do.
Oh, we do.
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It's for the guy who knows life doesn't just come to him.
He has to go out and find it.
It's at cvs or getwood.com.
Owen, what are we doing for spring fashion, bro? What trends should we look forward to?
Black, I don't know thanks fuck yes maybe what what's the new uh it is for those who dare items you've gotten what do you mean you're changing your style lately you've been grayling you've
been buying grails future grails too i mean you had a good fit last friday with hella pieces
throwing fits what are you wearing right now? Speaking of.
This? Have you seen that?
It's a little fella. What?
A little fella. A rap guy? No, just a little guy.
What is the brand? Little fella.
Why are we dropping bags
again?
Nick lost his bag.
I lost
my bag. What do you mean?
I don't really want to talk about it.
You fumbled a bag?
I've got to go to Africa to get it.
Is that?
Yeah.
I dropped a rack yesterday.
For real?
Yeah.
On what?
North Face.
No way.
That hat?
I actually almost got one that looked exactly like this.
No, as soon as the weather gets warmer, that's when you want to load up on North Face.
Well, I'm going to Colorado for the weather gets warmer, that's when you want to load up on North Face.
Well, I'm going to Colorado for the tour.
Oh, yeah.
I need to.
How long is the tour?
I'm only going to be out for those three days.
That's not a tour.
It's a short tour.
It's like a teaser.
Heavy change.
Okay.
Bet.
Flared trousers.
Bet.
Bet.
Bet.
Say less.
Say less.
Okay. Varsity jackets. What about for the JV?, bet. Say less, say less. Okay.
Varsity jackets.
What about for the JV?
You should all start rocking varsity jackets.
With shorts.
I don't know where mine went.
I don't know where mine went.
I actually got a shirt for you, Sass.
That's love?
Doesn't fit me.
Pre-ringed?
Pre-ringed.
If you want to toss that on.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Oh, this is awesome. Nice cobalt.
Good color on you. Perfect. Very large. Remember, this is awesome. Nice cobalt. Good color on you.
Perfect.
Very large.
Remember, this is a show.
So maybe you should show.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Wait, I didn't even notice.
Is the back funnier than the front?
I didn't even notice.
Wait, you liked it.
I didn't notice.
Wait, what did you enjoy about it?
He laughed at the back.
He laughed at the plane back. I didn't even notice it said milk. What did you enjoy about it? He laughed at the back. He laughed at the plain back.
I didn't even notice it said milk.
I just saw the man I love Fortnite.
That's awesome.
Oh, this is awesome.
I will actually take this.
Good ass shirt.
Can I have it?
Yeah.
He gave it to you.
I just gave it to you.
Oh, that's so sick.
That's the best person to give gifts to.
Oh.
Damn.
It has wrinkles, royal blue.
Oh, yeah.
Damn, how'd you know?
Black box.
I didn't even realize you could play video games in it.
Oh, this is so sick.
Thank you, KB.
You're welcome.
Always wanted one.
Got a Topher Grace in the building. What? Topher Grace and this bitch. Holy shit. KB. You're welcome. Always wanted one.
Got a Topher Grace in the building.
What?
Topher Grace and this bitch.
Holy shit.
Also, we... Topher Grace, dude.
Run it up on the album, no?
But why...
He has to be the first Christopher
that went with the second half of the name, right?
Topher.
Brutal, yeah.
Dahlia played a pedophile.
Yes.
Workaholics.
Named Topher.
Yeah.
And that was a parody of this dude.
Wait a minute.
What's Topher Grace doing here?
Who is he?
He was that 70s show.
I love, damn.
Which one?
Which one?
Eric.
Derek.
Oh.
Oh, hell yes.
He looks exactly like Vibs.
Uh, no.
Young, a young, shorn, hairless white.
You're not allowed to just say all white people look alike.
That is racist.
Racist as fuck.
Low key.
Also, I was in a Target this past week when we were in Colorado, a Colorado Target.
And we had to buy clothes because we didn't have clothes when we flew out there.
And all the t-shirts are the exact same t-shirts that the guy on the corner sells.
Every single one of them.
Really?
He robs a Target mask every day
and just has a whole...
We're hyping him up so much, too.
No, I was like,
these shirts are fucking incredible.
I bought a shirt from him.
I bought a ton of shirts.
What'd you get, the purple ring?
No, the WrestleMania.
Aaliyah.
I wore one and all the comments were like,
nice Target shirt, bro.
I'm like, I didn't get it at Target.
I got it from this guy.
He sells bootleg Barstool shirts out there, too.
He has the Danny Donuts Barstool shirt.
Yeah, and he has one.
Absolute legend.
Yeah.
He has the Danny.
But that's the only one I think he has.
He has an Adderall diet.
Oh, he has fuck you, fucking fuck.
Dude, if he has an Untell Me I'm Story one day.
Yeah, he does.
That's when we'll know.
Those are flying off the shelves.
People would actually buy those, though.
Somebody sent me a picture of our shirt in a
Goodwill. So that was cool that somebody
bought it. I saw someone
rocking a... What was Caleb's thing?
51? 51 Strokes. Oh, yes!
It was a tiny little... That one's big,
though. A lot of people rock that.
But this was like someone who would
not... No, she wouldn't have
gotten it firsthand.
Was she a victim of stroke?
51 times?
She had 51 strokes.
She'd give that out.
Instead of letting you ring the bell, give you your 51 strokes shirt.
People don't have strokes like you think they are.
What do you mean?
I remember one time I needed to know a celebrity who had a stroke.
Yep.
There's not many.
Bill Paxton.
Not many famous ones. I think Paxton was the last. People have many strokes a stroke. Yep. There's not many. Bill Paxton. Not many famous ones, yeah.
I think Paxton was the last.
People have mini strokes, though.
Yeah.
Mini strokes are super common.
That's when their face just starts to slant a little bit.
Yeah, that's how you tell, right?
If you have a stroke, you stick out your tongue,
and if you think it's straight but it's crooked, get to the ER.
Oh, that's how.
And I'll leave you with that.
That's a good one.
All right, let's get out of here, gang.
All right.
And we'll be back tomorrow.
Are we doing a draft this week?
We should do it tomorrow.
Figure it out.
I'm not going to be here.
Tomorrow?
I can do it tomorrow.
Yeah, we'll waterboard you and have a draft.
Waterboard and draft.
All right.
What kind of draft?
What kind of draft?
Hamburger.
Hamburger and break it down.
What are the...
We're bringing in one impossible.
So we have to...
I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.
H and A and an M on a sandwich.
Is there cheese?
Yeah, but then we need to get ground meat.
Those are getting mixed into the ground beef to make the burger.
So what kind...
Like, they're getting mixed in?
What is Rudy doing?
All right, so they get mixed in.
Trying to vie for a spot on this program.
I don't blame him.
I think he's...
You ever see a burger that had bacon and cheddar and onions mixed into the meat?
Yes.
You do that with prescription pills, gross foods.
Amazing asses.
Okay, so it's kind of chipped up and it'll be part of the meat.
Can we do that tomorrow?
Can we do that tomorrow?
Yeah.
We just need a foreman.
Is that all right?
We need a George Foreman, yeah.
Can we do that tomorrow?
I gotta...
Oh, we need a foreman, but we got whatever the fuck.
What was he in that 70s show, Topher Grace?
He's a Foreman.
Oh, is he?
Yeah, his name is Eric Foreman.
God damn.
Damn.
God damn, Owen.
Well, I didn't do it.
We should have went confidently with it.
Say it again, and we'll clip it.
Foreman?
We need a Foreman.
We have one.
KB!
That was good, KB.
Topher Grace just walked in.
Hey, KB.
Oh, hell yes.
Yes.
And we'll end on that.
We'll leave you with that.
You can't make it. It's the AdWords