The Yak - SHARK EAT DUCK! SHARK EAT DUCK! | The Yak 9-2-21
Episode Date: September 3, 2021quack quack boysYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
All right, welcome in. It's the Act.
Why am I farther up?
Yeah, you're a little farther up.
I think Zion moved all the chairs today a little bit.
I don't know why.
You fucking with us, Zion?
You fucking with us.
That was me.
You fucking with us?
Oh, TJ did it.
It's because of some other show that we have to move the chairs around for.
What's that show?
There we go.
I wonder.
Why do you have to move the chairs for that?
Why can't we say it?
Because I do.
I have said it.
I just don't say where.
This is the Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker.
It debuts tomorrow night at 6 o'clock.
We'll let you know where to watch it tomorrow.
My shoulder's hurting.
I'm sorry.
From what?
I don't know.
I just.
Rotator cuff issues?
Put a cast in it or something?
Or put it in a.
Oh, yeah.
Something.
What did David kill Goliath with?
It was like a ball and a chain.
I don't know.
It didn't happen.
All right, so the act.
What's today?
Thursday, September 2nd.
Okay.
Owen, Nick.
Yeah, I'm here.
Brandon.
And I got to tell you, it was kind of tough to get here from the state of New Jersey.
Myself and KB.
It seemed pretty easy.
You got here early.
Oh, I got here.
I was here.
I was here.
You didn't break a sweat.
Steven did text me saying that he's underwater, which that actually is serious.
I saw pictures of it.
It's awful.
He said he has eight feet of water in his basement.
Yeah, they were close to evacuating him out of his house. Eight feet of water
in his basement? That's what he said. Dude, it's insane.
So it's not a basement. He calls it his chaser.
That's a nice basement. That's a tall
ceiling. No, he literally like, they said
there was the guys in the boats
like ready to take him out if it kept
raising him. That's scary. Yes, very
scary. So we hope
Steven is okay. Okay. Well his
town. Everyone's okay. his town in jersey got it
bad but i think other towns were like yeah undamaged not even affected a little bit today's
what thursday it is thursday what the fuck why is there only five of us there's there is a just an
empty seat right there well i hate to do this to do this, but Tank didn't hit me up
and he's not here.
So he's suspended again.
That is a suspension.
I hope he's okay.
You're tough but fair.
That's a suspension.
That's a suspension that's a suspension
um and we will hear him in court we will we will now do court when the evidence is becoming damning
when the dolphins win no no this is a new court because this is a new yeah i guess after the
dolphins win we'll hear him in court a super bowl a super after they win their first game we will
hear court not and we also need roan back i know court dates those move around yeah it's tough to really it's hard to lock them in i was
thinking about it ronan sass like when they come back next week they have missed a lot
like we have changed as a show we are a game show now and we're a t-shirt factory
oh yeah can we pull up the second t-shirt? Okay, yeah. Doing a daily shirt.
Our daily shirt.
Our big wife in the suburbs.
If you scroll down a little bit.
Dude, that actually is an incredible shirt.
I just made it.
I would absolutely buy that shirt.
Can we scroll down a tiny bit on the photo?
Is that it?
That's it.
That's the whole photo.
Why?
What's under it?
Oh, there it is. Yeah. That's the whole photo. Oh. Why? What's under it? Yeah, there it is.
Oh, there it is.
Yeah.
Two out of 255.
If you're a member of the t-shirt club, this could be yours for a discount.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's the big wife in the suburbs tee.
Yes.
That shows that you're a successful man.
That'll be in the store soon.
I think what we should do is we should do-
The American dream.
At the end of the year...
The American dream team.
Beautiful lawn, big wife in the suburbs, nice car.
At the end of the year, what we're going to do is we'll compile all the shirts.
I'll send it to Welker, and we'll have it like so on the Barstool Sports Store.
You can buy a shirt.
It's a blank shirt, your size, and you will just get a random day.
A random day.
Yeah, a random day will be sent to you,
and it's just, it is what it is.
And it's numbered on the bottom right.
Dumb idea.
Yeah.
But yeah, none of the shirts will be good looking.
No.
But they'll exist.
We should just make tomorrow's shirt
is just going to be a picture of the big wife
in the suburbs T-shirt on the shirt.
I was going to say, we should keep this segment going long enough.
We should just make tomorrow's shirt just a picture of Frank with a big red circle and an X through it.
Just say suspended.
Suspended again.
Wait, Stephen didn't even do a prep sheet?
Stephen went through it last night.
I mean, it's stuck to a prep sheet.
What I did is printed out a bunch of family feud answers.
Okay.
And I'm going to read the answers, and you guys have to guess what the category, the question was.
Reverse feud.
I like it.
Yes.
We're deconstructing feud now.
Yeah.
It's like on Top Chef when they're like, I made a deconstructed hamburger.
It's a reverse feud.
A reverse feud.
Like the War of Northern Aggression.
What did you guys think about Rico, by the way?
Did you watch?
It was an unreal.
Yeah, he makes a lot of money.
It was an unreal hour and a half of programming that I watched because I couldn't.
Sometimes you're in something that you
don't even remember how crazy it was so i watched it's like a wrestling match whoa that was way
crazier do you think you guys will ever go over the line of his craziness i think we've already
been there no but i've been to to a point where like oh we really shouldn't have done that one
no because he loves us okay i'd said i kill myself, and he said that's cost doing business.
Oh, my God.
But, yeah, he's back.
We're good.
It feels good.
He's happy.
Anytime you can demand a raise to what you're actually getting,
you've got to do it.
The plot twist of being like that's actually a pay cut
because I'm getting paid more and you guys don't realize it.
It was the same thing that happened with Billy Football.
Billy Football, when we offered him a salary,
he's like, that's actually a pay cut.
I'm like, what do you mean?
You were an intern.
He's like, well, I was getting paid this.
He was getting paid 80 hours a week.
Oh, yeah, I did the math on that last night, too.
What?
That'd be nice.
80 hours.
Oh, yeah.
He was making a nice chunk of change.
Credit to Barstool.
Never asked for a pay.
Mintz's is coming up in two weeks.
Mintzy, God love him.
What a weird way to get involved in that,
to reply to one of my tweets being like,
my negotiation's coming up soon,
but I just want to let everyone know
I'm just happy to be here however it goes.
Wait, what?
Okay.
And Mince will find a way to win.
He always wins.
Oh, yeah.
Life.
Yeah.
Life.
Yeah.
Mincey wins life.
We should do it on air.
It's fun.
I'm addicted to it.
Should you just do everybody's that way?
Yeah, it's a more cutthroat, fucked up shark tank.
It's like, all right, we're taking your health benefits off the table.
But?
But you get to work on Saturdays.
Yeah, okay, I'll take it.
I think we'll see more of Rico, though, because I did break it down to him last night.
That's the best part is we did the whole show, hour and a half.
He then walked into Dave's office, pretty much did it again.
And then I called him later that night and we did it again for another like 35 minutes.
So it's really like it was like a three hour day of shows for Rico.
I mean, he does.
He says he works three days a week.
He works an hour and a half, three days a week.
He comes in, clocks in, clocks out.
He checks a box. He spends his lunch break here with us and calls it a day yes good for him but he's back he's back and we're better than ever feels good summer squeeze out over and now
we just have nothing but college football to look forward to and new shows he also he also
put that he couldn't come today because of a travel ban in New York City.
A travel ban.
He texted me the travel ban at 9 o'clock.
The travel ban that he cited for not being able to come was it expired at 5 a.m.
But there was a travel ban.
There was a travel ban, yes.
At one point.
Did you guys get flooded?
No.
It was like raining in the lobby of my building.
Really?
Yes. So much water. I didn't get flooded in my house, but like raining in the lobby of my building. Really? Yeah, so much water.
I didn't get flooded in my house, but my drive home last night was remarkably dangerous.
Yeah.
It was bad.
Oof.
You all right?
I'm fine.
It was just, you know, I bottomed out a couple times.
Grandin's dead.
Grandin's dead.
Grandin didn't make it.
They hit a tree.
Yeah.
She didn't make it.
I still have her car.
But he's here.
And you couldn't be more indifferent.
No, it's fine.
It's such an age difference.
It doesn't really feel.
You've been taking 37-minute moments of silences every day.
I am.
I just hope no toddlers passed.
Oh, come on, KB.
You look so sad.
The waters did rise fast.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
KB just hanging with his friends.
Let me get out of this.
Look at him Alright
So
How far into the show
No one wants to sit there
The shelf looks good
Let's get to 10 minutes
Oh no we're at 10 minutes
I was gonna say
Let's get to 10 minutes
We've done that
The preamble is done
The preamble is done
The preamble
And what everybody came for
What
Give us the deconstructing
Yeah
Let's break down
Those bad boys
So what I'll do is I'll start with the number one answer,
and then I'll give Kyle a guess.
Then I'll say the number two answer, and then you get a guess.
I think you should do it the reverse.
Owen always goes first.
No, I think you should do the worst answer.
Okay.
Because then it keeps going, and it's hard.
Because getting the number one answer is not that impressive.
Okay.
We always do that.
He didn't yesterday.
Owen.
Sandpaper.
Good answer.
Name something that's rough to the touch.
One X.
Brandon.
Sandpaper.
Wallpaper. Brandon, sandpaper, wallpaper. Name things with paper in the title.
Big cat.
Sandpaper, wallpaper, flypaper.
Name something blank paper.
No.
What?
It's three X's.
Kyle, you get the number one answer.
So it's sandpaper, wallpaper, flypaper, toilet paper.
Oh.
Toilet paper, sandpaper.
Something you wipe your ass with.
Well, say it again.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something you wipe your butt with.
Sandpaper, wallpaper, flypaper.
Blank paper.
Types of paper you don't run your house.
I said blank paper.
It's types of paper you don't write on.
Ah.
This might be too hard.
That was good.
No, that was good.
That was good.
How hard should we go?
I haven't looked at any of these.
I just printed these out too.
That one's probably the easiest one we're going to get.
And that was hard.
Brandon.
Yes.
Meatball.
This one's easy.
Come on.
Ingredients in Italian food.
No, wrong.
Way off base.
Dan. Thank you. Thank you. Way off base. Dan.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Meatball, eyeball.
Oh, fuck.
Still.
Name something blank ball.
No, no, no.
I got it.
What?
KB.
Meatball, eyeball, mothball.
Balls you might eat.
Name a type of ball you don't play with.
Yes.
That is correct.
That is correct.
Good work, Owen.
Shit.
Good work, Owen.
Good work, Owen.
Good question.
Good question. Good question.
Good question.
Good question.
Good question.
Owen. Oh, no. Good question. Owen.
Big Cat.
Thrasher.
Thrasher.
This one's pretty easy.
Yeah, I got it.
Alright, pass.
This is the number seven answer.
Thrasher. Fang. Oh, pass. This is the number seven answer. Oh, jeez. Thrasher.
Fang.
Oh, fuck.
Things associated with vampires.
Wrong.
I was certain it was going to be things that rhyme with Dasher.
Thrasher.
Well, that was just a friend.
You were certain?
He was.
He was confident.
Fang threw him for a whole loop.
Thrasher Fang Diablo.
Use that third one in a sentence.
Oh, I got it.
Wait, Thrasher Fang Diablo?
Yeah.
Satanic imagery.
That's incorrect.
Thrasher Fang Fang, Diablo, Chopper.
Names for a motorcycle?
Wrong.
Gang?
This one sucks, actually.
Thrasher, Fang, Diablo, Chopper, and Bullet.
These suck.
What?
Let's just play Family Feud.
Yeah, let's just play Family Feud.
What was that?
We'll never know.
We need to know.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Can I guess?
Yes.
Things I wanted to name my kids when I was eight years old.
Close.
Dog names that sound violent.
Ooh.
All right, wait.
So what should we play for today?
Should we do the new method where it's one-on-one and we should play for something?
Someone has to do something?
Oh, we're going to battle?
What do we have to do?
It's Thursday.
You want to get some fucking Coors Lights in here?
All of us are over 21.
Go to CoorsLight.com slash take.
I would.
Talk about that for a second.
Yeah, CoorsLight.com slash take.
Get Coors Light and the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take.
Yeah, why don't you slow things down with a CoorsLight.
I memorize the ad.
It's crisp.
It's refreshing.
What are we going to do?
What are we going to play for?
Loser has to.
Loser has to what?
You picked the wrong ones to say.
I didn't have a chance to read them.
I was too busy designing a shirt, Brandon.
I think there's one more we should do.
I can only do so much.
Owen, can you do me a favor?
Can you go in the kitchen and get the most disgusting thing you can find?
We're not doing this.
Yeah, we are.
We just did it.
I think losers.
I just did it.
I just did it.
All right.
Go get the most disgusting thing you can find in the kitchen.
No?
That's fine, yeah.
I don't want to do disgusting.
I just ate Lomo Satato.
I bought it for you.
And I appreciate that.
Why?
What's the catch?
Why did you buy it for me?
You'll see.
Oh, God.
Why did you bring me lunch?
You'll see.
I knew it.
I fucking ate it, though.
Oh, you ate it.
You ate every last bit of it, didn't you?
What have I got to do?
I don't want to throw up.
No.
You'll see.
Why can't you just be my friend?
I actually did nothing to it.
I literally just bought you lunch.
That's the whole catch.
The catch is I was just being your friend.
You just walked in and announced it, too. Hey, I'm going to buy you lunch. That's the whole catch. Yeah. The catch is I was just being your friend. You just walked in and announced it too.
Like, hey, I'm going to buy you lunch today.
I just felt like doing something nice for my friend Brandon today.
Did you have limo saltado as well?
He thinks I did.
I got two, but he never watched me eat mine.
God damn it.
Okay, fine.
Whatever.
I feel fine.
Are we doing a show tomorrow?
Are you doing a show tomorrow, KB? What's going on with you? Brandon, you tap. are we doing a show tomorrow are you doing a show tomorrow kb
what's going on with utep i'm doing pick central tomorrow all right so brandon kb and owen are you
guys gonna do a show brandon you'll be in yeah yeah let's do it all right cool me you and owen
perfect when is ronan sass coming back next week are we worried they're never coming back you had
a great text yeah sass is sass is no different than Ted Cruz in my mind.
The city of New York was underwater, and the king of New York was nowhere to be found.
Nowhere to be found.
I saw World of T-shirts.
He was fishing on the BQE.
Fishing for human beings.
Trying to save their lives.
Screaming into a TikTok.
Yeah.
And Sass, where is he right now?
Somewhere dry, I would assume?
LA.
Yeah, he's in the desert.
He's...
Yeah, they don't even have water there.
He's in the Sahara.
This has been the worst day of my life.
It rained and I got so fucking wet.
Yeah, Sass, so do we.
No, I got, like, drenched.
Yeah, you don't understand.
No, Sass, we...
Yeah.
No, no, no.
You don't even know.
My buddy from high school once got so wet once in the rain.
He's still not dry.
It was the craziest thing I've ever seen.
And that was Sass.
He's back.
He's back.
What else we got going?
What are you guys doing this weekend?
You partying, KB?
No.
You want to party?
You want to do some partying?
Why?
I just can't get over it.
You can't get over the party? Holiday weekend, you're going to detox? Yeah. Last weekend of the summer? I'm can't get over it. Can't get over the party?
Holiday weekend, you're going to detox?
Yeah.
Last weekend of the summer?
I'm punishing myself for yesterday.
For yesterday?
Yeah, you blew it.
Oh.
Yeah, you really did blow it.
People said I did not throw the game.
It's the best thing in the kitchen.
I don't know dog culture.
Oh, it tastes like delicious.
What is that?
What is in your hand?
Dog's silver-skinned pearl onions.
Onions.
And what's the name of the company?
Filthy?
Get that away from my general vicinity, but it's a great beer.
But I love it.
Maybe not pearled onions.
No, we're going to go pearled onions.
Loser eats a pepperoni pizza that you pay for.
I think we're pussyfooting around it.
Yeah, we are.
We are.
But should we play it one-on-one or should we try to do it as a team?
What do we got to do?
You got to add a wrinkle.
You have to add a wrinkle or else we won't get away with just playing Family Feud every day.
Yeah.
We have to add a wrinkle.
Loser has to lay in the middle of the.
Are we faking a death?
Yeah.
Loser has to lay in the middle of the hallway for the rest of the show.
What about do the ice bucket challenge?
For ALS.
For Flood.
What are you doing there, TJ? That looksS. For Flood. For ALS.
That looks good.
You have to sit.
Cutlet.
Cutlet.
Nice.
Loser has to lay down face first.
Someone has to dump a bucket of water on themselves.
Who else is going to drink their beer?
Flood.
Gladly.
You are?
Why not?
It's a Coors Light.
It's delicious.
Do it.
Give us the chat.
Chat have anything?
Chat have anything that we can do?
Come on, chat.
Loser cleans Steven's basement.
Oh.
That's angry. That's how it is.
Yeah.
I wanted to ask him if the cocaine shed is okay,
but I thought it was probably too early to do that.
Yeah.
No, I don't think a joke was appropriate.
Nick made one, but...
No, I didn't.
I said we could make a Yak
t-shirt that says, save the chasement.
That would
be like a fundraiser.
Still a joke.
No, it's not a joke.
I was being dead serious.
You know what we should have done? We should have had fucking Stephen Treadwater.
Damn it. We're so had fucking Steven Treadwater. In his... Yeah.
Damn it.
We're so stupid.
He has no excuse not to get some practice.
All right, get in there, Steven.
We could rebuild his basement the way we want it done.
Oh, that's true.
Games.
Yeah, maybe we start a GoFundMe for it, but we design it.
Yeah.
We just have a Family Feud set.
Yes.
That's the only thing we like now.
What do we think?
So this is, I mean, this might be the finale of Family Feud because next week, tomorrow,
there's only going to be three of us.
And then next week, the whole show will be back.
Are there any three-man games we can play?
No.
It's it.
That's the rule, though, going forward.
Whenever there's exactly five, we play Family Feud.
Yes.
I think that's fair.
I think exactly five happens more often than you'd think.
You do?
Me and KB out on videos.
Well, you get different Family Feud combinations.
It'll be fantastic.
Yeah.
All right, so what does the chat say?
What does the chat say?
What do my people say?
Chat, chat, chat.
Probably a lot of Fleming talks.
The winner gets to tweet something off the loser's account?
No.
Nah.
No.
Couldn't care less. Loser has to call Frank and tell him he's suspended again oh jesus oh man what kind of losers again
frank will be here by the end of the show
what would you have done differently in my situation i would have told that motherfucker
he's suspended you didn't no then you didn't. Oh, I like that one.
But we agreed not to, to help you.
I like that one.
Loser has to call Frank and tell him he's back on and then say, just kidding.
Loser jumps off the Empire State Building.
I know a guy.
Will the 12th floor do it?
Loser doesn't shoot.
Yes, it would do it. It would almost certainly do it. I think the third would do on? With the 12th? Yes. It would do it.
It would almost certainly do it.
I think the third would do it.
But I think you could...
The second would do it.
Right.
Any could do it.
I think the second would do it.
You could survive a 12.
I don't think you'd survive a 12.
You don't think?
I don't think you're surviving a 12.
People have gone off Niagara Falls.
That's water.
Beer tweet for the loser.
Water from that high is just like cement.
Shotguns of Coors.
That's 120 feet.
You and I are different.
You could survive a 12th floor fall.
I could.
That's what you're saying?
Yes.
Who in the office do you think would be the worst at this game?
Oh, that's a great question.
This chat is so funny.
There's just some people who are just saying feud, like demanding it.
Feud.
Wait, let's do a test of, let's do an anarchy test.
If we can get 12 feuds in a row without somebody.
Oh, I like it.
We'll start playing.
Yes.
Zai, are you good?
Do you have PTSD from your typo?
12 feuds in a row.
12 feuds in a row without saying anything else.
You almost made Frank ingest his entire outfit.
He almost ate himself nude.
I'm here to eat shirt and hat
and I'm all out of shirt.
There's one.
It's got to be properly spelled.
Come on.
No, wait, wait.
KB smells was before the 12th. Oh, no. We want. I don't think you're getting 12 in a row. Wait. Yeah, my God. Oh, no. KB Smells was before the 12th.
Oh, no.
I didn't think you were getting 12 in a row.
Wait, yeah, we are.
No.
People are ruining it.
Oh, they're ruining it.
They're throwing chicken there.
That might have happened there.
Oh, my God.
I don't know if it did.
I don't know if we've done it.
Why are there so many Tommy Walkers?
That's weirding me out.
Oh, no.
There's a rider in there. That's his food. Come. Oh. Oh. Come on, Feud. No, Ryder. No. There's a Ryder in there.
It's his food.
Come on.
Come on.
It doesn't feel right.
They don't ask about Feud.
Frank in there.
No.
People are fucking it up
for everyone else.
People are fucking it up
for everybody else
and they're having the time
Oh, no.
It's all food.
Legendary yak yesterday.
This is what you guys want.
Oh, no.
That was it.
No, that was eight and then it was no more Frank.
I'm genius level, no big deal.
I'm on hard mode.
This isn't happening.
One, two, three, four.
Come on, boys.
Just 12.
I'm itching.
Feud.
You've said 12s a lot.
Yeah.
For these fucks?
They're not even getting to three or four right now.
I don't think they got it.
No, they've lost focus.
We're de-balling.
They're on to some other shit now.
They're just having conversations now.
Oh, man.
You ruined it, folks.
Somebody's broken up with WNBA second half over.
Locked in.
All right, I'll ride.
So I've heard enough.
That one's weirding me out.
Feud?
No.
All right, we're done with this.
You couldn't do it.
The problem is we're going to play anyway.
Yeah, but they should be disappointed.
Yeah, they should be disappointed.
I imagine just like the whole chat is like giggly kids in computer class,
like undiagnosed ADHD.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Ah!
Zeroes!
The oldest trick in the book.
He's drinking a good old-fashioned...
Alright, so loser has to do a beer tweet.
Loser has to do a...
Yeah.
I just took a shower here yesterday. I don't know how to do them. No, you just chug. Why, loser has to do a beer tweet. I just took a shower. I'll save this. I just took a shower here yesterday.
I'm saving this.
I don't know how to do them.
No, you just chug.
You just chug.
Why would you have to shower?
Chug.
Can't say.
All right, here we go.
I already know tomorrow's shirt.
Fire it up.
I'm going to be saying feud a lot on it.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud.
Feud. Feud. Feud. And a food. And two feuds.
Who's playing?
All of us?
Let's do a warm-up game together.
Warm-up game together.
Yeah, warm-up game together.
Warm-up game? No.
No, go on.
I'm up?
Yeah.
All right.
Skin.
You're always...
What?
Weird answer.
Yeah, not good or bad, just weird.
Wait, is it just Owen?
No, it's you.
Yeah, just Owen.
Just Owen.
What?
Yes.
This is how we do it now. This is how we do it now.
This is how we do it now.
Bug.
I'm probably going to have to be.
No, bug.
A bus?
I don't know.
Okay, come on.
Mackenzie would be bad at this.
She couldn't even name a state.
Oh, yeah.
She'd be abysmal.
Time.
Time crawls sometimes.
Oh, nice. That's actually good.mal. Time. Time crawls sometimes. Oh, nice.
That's actually good.
I like that.
No, it's not.
I think your philosophical ass has got to go pretty literal here.
Damn.
This is actually a tough question.
Is it?
I don't like looking at that guy you're playing.
I don't have anything.
I don't know.
Number one, I mean, that's...
What?
Say it.
Yeah, I don't like looking at him either. It's like an offensive coordinator. No, I don't want to say it.'s what say it yeah I don't like looking at me
there it's gonna say it's gonna be wrong army did you say you said snail didn't
she was that your number one no were snake ah okay spider spider that was
what I was like consider crawling yeah baby should have been number one snakes
don't crawl baby shouldn't babies. Babies shouldn't. Babies typically just lie.
Toddlers crawl.
No, that's incorrect.
I can't tell the truth.
Incorrect.
I was used to
developmentally delayed ones.
Name a place perfect
strangers sit next to
each other.
The bus.
Nice.
The train.
Nice.
A plane.
I can't believe
Brandon got that
question yesterday
I was just guessing
one through seven
God
Church
and he almost ran out of time
movies
ooh nice
that's gotta be number one
there it is
no
yep
what
yeah
you've never been to a movie
we all know that
I didn't know
movies in New York
have assigned seats
what
that's so weird every movie I've never been movies in New York have assigned seats. What? That's so weird.
I've never been to a theater with an assigned seat.
Most movie theaters now have assigned seats.
Whack.
Whack?
Whack.
It's actually awesome.
I prefer it.
I much prefer it.
It's way better.
I hate stressing out over where I'm going to sit.
Y'all are cheap.
Just tell me what to do.
You buy your ticket and then you can sit down and not have to worry about getting there in time.
Remember having to go into a packed-
A game.
Or a movie that had just been released.
Sporting event.
If you go with someone, you have to split up.
Yeah.
The worst.
Theater.
Man.
Y'all are shit.
All right, Daryl.
Brandon, should we tell them?
None of us got the vaccine.
You're the only one.
Yep, that's true.
All right.
I'm only half-vaxxed anyway.
Now he's not going to get the second shit.
Now he's not going to get the second shit.
You weren't going to get the second anyway.
May I?
May I blank?
Uh-oh, we had it last time.
Hug.
Have.
Kiss.
Suck. S. Kiss. Suck.
Suck you.
Fuck.
May I suck you, please?
No.
Chivalry isn't dead.
I'd love to suck you.
Marry.
Was that it?
I think that's four.
I don't think you asked.
That's will you marry me?
Help. Yeah. Yeah. Marry? Was that it? I think that's four. I don't think you asked me. That's will you marry me? I mean.
Help.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
Mm-hmm.
That's actually like, if a chick said that to you, though, may I suck you?
Oh, yeah.
That's hot.
That is hot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm thinking about it right now with my boys.
Just hanging out.
Imagine you're with your boys at the bar and a chick just singles you out and walks right up.
Hey, you.
Can I suck you?
Face fuck.
I don't know.
Can you?
Quick question.
Can I suck you?
I don't want to make the chat too horny.
Chat will be horny as fuck.
Chat will be horny.
So horny.
Chat's so horny it's just like they don't see your voice, so they're imagining a woman.
You've got them all horned up.
There's a shitload of chicks in our chat.
No way.
Yeah, there is.
Yeah.
It's a fact, dude.
Sneaky?
No.
Tell them to prove it.
Tell them to make an ass-kid.
Tell them to make a pet that lives a long time.
Type an ass-kid of your titties.
Turtle.
That's good.
That's a great one.
That's not a good one. one That's not a good one
No that's a good one
Name something that should never be left alone
Baby
Who has a pet turtle that lives a long time?
Who has
You don't know pets live a long time
Yeah
Name something you've been bitten by
Mosquito
Oh
That's gonna be
An interesting spelling
There we go
Zah
Tell me how many hours a day
A teenage girl talks on the phone
Two
Yes
Was two the number one?
I think it was. Damn.
Name something that starts making weird noises as it gets
older.
Asshole.
What? Come on.
Asshole? Your asshole?
Car.
Car.
We should actually just play Sass and
Roan when they get back because now that we've mastered
the game. We have it.
We're getting progressively worse.
Dogs don't live a long time. That's a
lie.
Baby, when it comes to pets, they do.
Skito. Oh, and Great Round. Oh, three.
Great Round, Owen.
Great Round, okay. Wow.
Also, we hate playing Family Feud.
We are just hired to be Zaz Tudor.
We're going to play Mavis Beacon next.
That's a big number.
If there are any girls in the chat, say that you're a woman.
They put their best picture as their avatars to get the other boys.
Just say you're a chick.
Pull up the chat.
Any chicks here?
Come on, chicks.
Where the chicks at?
Where the chicks at? Shout out, Jill. If you're a chick. Pull up the chat. Any chicks here? Come on, chicks. Where the chicks at? Where the chicks at?
Shout out, Jill.
If you're a chick, announce yourself.
Cup size.
Is it frozen?
Ladies.
Cup size.
Cup size.
Give us your cup size.
Let's get a lady roll call.
All my ladies in the back.
It's frozen.
TJ, hit refresh.
Hit refresh, TJ.
Say your first name and describe your pussy.
Smitty V 2.0.
All right, let's do a quick roll call.
I was just still saying feud.
Jessica Kubi?
Kubi?
Ladies.
What's the impossible quiz?
That's not how you spell it.
Oh, let's play the impossible quiz.
All right, let's play the impossible quiz.
Wait, no, let's get 12 impossible quizzes in a row.
Wait, what is the impossible quiz?
No, that's just like a stupid memorization row. Wait, what is the impossible quiz? No, that's just like
a stupid memory.
Yeah, that won't be fun.
I would actually be able
to do it.
Oh, look at
Hey Daddy's.
Edmund said that.
Jake Williams said
Man Boy.
Okay.
All right, so there's
some chicks there.
Oh, yeah.
Nick's about to get
real nervous on this show
from now on.
I have no idea.
Oh, fuck.
Holy shit.
All right, enough.
All right.
What?
Next.
What was next?
Next up.
Nicholas.
Oh, I'm up.
Owen, what was your score?
12-19.
12-something in the teens.
All right, I'm going perfect for it.
Perfect score.
All the way through.
You want to talk about your soft dick before?
Yeah.
My dick has been really soft lately, and I've been coming really fast out of my soft dick.
It's incredible.
That sounds like an issue.
It is.
Luckily, I have Roman.
And what does that do?
It makes my dick hard, and I don't come as fast. Well, it sounds like it's soft. It is soft, thanks to Roman. And what does that do? It makes my dick hard and I don't cum as fast.
Sounds like it's solved.
It is solved thanks to Roman.
Jay, thanks for no prep sheet.
I'm ad-libbing this ad.
I want to have Z ads.
What? I want to have Z ads.
Just how hard does your dick get, Nick?
On the Mohs scale?
Rock? No.
It goes to diamond.
It's hard as a rock.
It's iron.
I just rub a vinyl record, Nick, and play it on the tip of my dick.
All thanks to Roman.
All thanks to Roman.
And you can have a hard dick just like me.
What was just a group of people that walked in here?
Too much.
Who are they? They're going upstairs.
Single file looking at. Single file looking at.
Single file looking at.
Enrique's part of that.
Yeah.
Get roman.com slash barstool today.
And if you're prescribed,
you get 50% off
your first month of ED treatment.
There's a gang.
Why do I have to see them?
Huh.
You okay?
Yeah, I didn't see them last night because, you know, I was underwater.
It exists, yeah.
I don't think you were.
I had a pre-existing leak that has not been fixed yet, so.
Don't you have like a nine-floor apartment?
No, only two.
But the half bathroom.
Oh, the powder room.
You know my apartment's two floors as well.
Nice.
So is KB's.
The half bathroom, the ceiling has fallen off.
Off.
Pieces.
Big pieces.
Chunks.
The half bathroom.
And your ceilings are gold.
So if that falls on you, that would hurt.
Yeah, now I only have three bathrooms to choose from.
So it's kind of an inconvenience.
That sucks because you're in a four-person household.
Somebody's always holding it.
Yeah, right.
It's brutal.
Brutal.
I had to pee this morning.
I had to go out on one of my three decks and pee.
That sucks.
It's brutal.
It's embarrassing.
Luckily, you're so high up in your building that it evaporates before it hits the ground.
That is true.
Yeah. I actually I just got a new
superintendent at my building. His name is Tyler
O'Day. That's where I live. Yeah.
You are the top floor of the Empire State
Building. Fuck Tyler O'Day,
dude. Fuck that guy. Yeah.
I'm over it. I don't know, man.
I drove in today. Had to go down
34th and I was looking up in the Empire State Building. It was looking really good. No, when I say I'm over it. I don't know, man. I drove in today. Had to go down 34th, and I was looking up in the Empire State Building.
It was looking really good.
No, when I say I'm over it, I'm clearly not.
I'm in that stage where I'm just lashing out.
I think I said on the group chat today that I hope the Empire State Building collapses.
Which would be very funny.
What?
No one dies.
Nobody dies.
Is that completely empty?
And it's a controlled, and it just goes straight down.
Straight down.
Maybe a sinkhole would be funnier.
Yes.
No one dies.
Sinkhole.
It goes down within the first month that Tyler O'Day works there.
Would be funny, would it not?
Yeah.
It'd be precious.
And he has to mope back in here.
And we would take him with open arms.
Yeah.
All right. Nick. Yeah.
Here we go. I like this
rhythm we got. A little banter.
You gotta earn the feud.
Did we write down your score?
He was 12. 12-19, boys.
Okay.
Wait, what is the loser doing?
Chugging a beer.
Chugging a beer.
Something in the house that kids monopolize.
Come on.
I'm going to go television.
What's up with the come on's today?
Because it's warranted.
I forget these.
Well, you got the number one, so.
Computer.
Phone.
Good answer.
Thank you. Good answer. Thank you.
Good answer.
What does that mean?
Basement.
What?
Don't they have that?
This is like a little...
Well, not Stephen Che.
Living room.
Yeah.
How could you, Nick?
I forget the other one.
I don't remember it either.
It's just become a memory game.
I think it was like food.
Food.
Oh, I think it was pantry.. Food. Oh, I think it was pantry.
Memory games.
Perfect round.
Thank you.
Good answer.
Thank you.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Thank you guys.
Brandon?
Good answer.
Uh-huh.
Round two.
Brandon's wasted.
He's so drunk.
I think he is drunk.
Name the occupation of someone to make an appointment with to see when you need to get
something off your chest.
Psychiatrist.
Oh, Nick.
He's had so many things.
He's on his game today.
No.
Has therapist one of them?
Why are you asking us?
I don't know if it's the same thing.
Doctor.
Oh, wait.
We had this yesterday.
If you don't get a breast reduction.
This is so bad.
No, we didn't have this one.
Yeah, we did.
Did we really? We did not have this one.
We definitely did.
That was two days ago.
Breast reduction.
Oh man.
Is that a teacher?
I don't fucking know.
I think we should try Jeopardy.
And really fuck up?
Really?
Well, because we're not going to get any of them.
So when we get one, it'll be a big thrill.
Jeopardy's not that hard.
Jeopardy's hard.
Shit, I don't know.
I think we could do Jeopardy.
What else could there be?
What if we split into teams and we get a trivia?
Like a dozen rounds.
Well, there's five of us.
Okay.
Clergy.
I forgot.
Clergy. Tea. Comma. I forgot. Clergy.
Tea.
Comma public.
Publicity.
Were my answers not good?
No.
What the fuck?
They were soft.
Tell me something sharks are known to eat.
Seals.
What? I don't know. It's just eat. Seals. What?
I don't know.
It's just a funny first answer.
Why?
Funny first question, too.
That's not true.
Yeah, but people are paranoid.
And it's number one.
Fish.
Yep.
Now what are four, five, and six?
Fish hooks.
Boats.
Fish and seals, pretty much their diet.
Sea lion.
Boats.
Have you seen Jaws?
The flip-flops that are bottle openers.
Oh, I know the answer to one of these.
Every shark has a license plate in its stomach.
I know the answer to one of these.
Dolphin.
Oh, do they?
I don't know.
That's really sad.
I'm just naming fish at this point. Whale. Dolphin's not a fish. I'm naming water. I don't know. I hope not. That's really sad. I'm just naming fish at this point.
Whale.
What?
Dolphin's not a fish.
I'm naming water.
I don't know.
Whoa.
Fucking.
Crab.
Yeah.
Not allergic.
What about?
Eels.
They're always sucking ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks. Show me. Let's look up on YouTube. Shark eating duck. Shark're always sucking ducks.
Let's look up on YouTube.
Shark eating duck.
Shark eat duck.
Shark eat duck.
Oh, God.
There's so many potential shirts tomorrow.
Shark eat duck.
A mandated supermodel might be surprised that she's super... Oh, man.
This is fucked.
Oh, fuck. This is fucked. Oh, fuck.
Hungry?
This better be on.
Name something slobs use as a napkin.
Shirt.
Name an animal you hope never.
Elephant.
I should have gone with the horse theory.
Name something people fall out of.
Love. I almost the horse theory. Name something people fall out of. Love.
I almost said horse there.
Shout out Superman.
Name a place that people say they've seen a ghost.
Church.
Big shouts.
Big shouts out Superman.
Big shouts out my guy Chris.
Oh, fuck off.
You're shocked that she's dumb?
I got to end things with this model.
She's so hungry.
Oh, wow, you're crushing this.
I got a zero, though.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Castle.
Yes, of course.
Yeah, castle.
Show me high score.
Give me a 1,400.
Show me high score.
Show me high score.
You are the winner.
Okay.
12-19 is the second.
All right, can you just, when you get this one going.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Oh, God.
That's what happens.
I don't want Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck. He's going to rule. It's so peaceful. Holy shit. Fucking eat that thing. Oh, my God. Eat that shit. Come on. Sharky duck. Sharky duck. Sharky duck. Sharky duck.
He's going to rule.
It's so peaceful.
Holy shit.
Fucking eat that thing.
Eat that shit.
Come on.
Eat that.
How do they know to zoom out?
Eat that.
Sharky duck.
Wait, how does he know this is going to happen?
He brought the duck.
He brought the duck.
He knows the shark.
This guy either loves ducks or hates them.
Sharky duck.
This is sharky duck.
He could have edited it out at the beginning.
This doesn't have enough views.
How many?
8,000?
What's the...
Oh, as the dislikes.
It probably doesn't happen.
I don't know.
Probably clickbait.
Oh, my God.
You think this is a clickbait?
I don't think it's going to happen.
If the exorcist girl pops up, I'm going to be pissed.
We got tricked into watching this.
Like, no.
You fuck.
You fuck you.
Thumbs down. Thumbs down. Thumbs down, thumbs down, thumbs down, thumbs down.
What the fuck?
Wait, scroll down.
Comment, comment, comment.
Numpty the fuck?
Wait.
What the fuck?
Do you think that's why they answered Shark Eats Duck?
Like, on the Family Feud?
Because there's one video?
Yeah, they were one of the 6,000 people that saw that.
Wait, there's no other video
of a shark eating duck.
Shark eats...
I can't believe we got two.
Shark eat duck.
Shark eat duck.
What a shark eat duck.
I want to see the shark eat the duck.
Shark eat the shark eat duck.
The fuck, Sal?
Can you go to like sharkeatduck.com
see if anybody has that domain?
Shark...
I want to see this shirt.
Oh, this shirt is going to be insane.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, that's a duck.
Is it bleeding?
Oh, no, no.
Fly out, duck.
Oh.
Wait, survives?
What?
Okay, well, now I want it to get eaten.
Wow.
What's this?
Oh, no.
Oh, shark eat mouse.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
Oh, it's in a mousetrap.
I don't want to watch this.
Oh, a sharky duck.
That's a mousetrap?
This is a mousetrap?
Sharky duck.
That's a cracker.
What is that mouse doing?
He's got a big cracker.
He's trying to get back up.
I know.
I think it has a mouse trap around it.
Relax.
Think about where you were August 8th, 2013, and think, like, this was going on.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, transition.
He's getting.
Just eat it there, man.
Eat the cracker there.
What are we watching?
Just eat it out one time.
What the fuck is this show?
What is our show because?
Guys, he's going to get the cracker.
We have to watch one YouTube video that has under 10,000 views.
Jesus, what is this show?
We've ducked the shark.
That's the shirt.
The Yaks really ducked the shark.
What are they doing?
They're playing game shows and watching dumbass videos. They ducked the shark. They've really ducked the shirt. The Yaks really ducked the shark. What are they doing? They're playing game shows and watching dumbass
videos. They ducked the shark.
They really ducked the shark. That's what happens when you can't.
People are gonna
pan season four online.
What is this? Weird alert.
Weird alert.
Thank you for the warning. I love how this is the same
video of Lucky Stuck
survives a shark. Is this a Flex Seal guy?
Last case. That's a Flex Seal guy.
Y'all never.
Big Cat, you have a clear boat.
That's a millionaire move.
And this guy is.
Whoa.
Now you see it.
I love it.
If there's a now you don't, that's hilarious.
No, no.
Just now you see it.
Oh, that's like that. You know who that was? That was the guy from NBC. What's his name? That's hilarious. No, now you see it. Oh, that's like that.
You know who that was?
That was the guy from NBC.
What's his name?
Matt Lauer.
He used to do that with his office.
All right.
Next game.
Next game.
Here we go, Brandon.
I'm going to start a Yak Daily T-shirt thread.
Yes, please. I'm going to start a Yak Daily t-shirt thread. Yes, please.
Thank you.
Always.
All right.
Good luck, Brandon.
Thank you very much.
Who said that?
That was me.
An alligator.
Read the question.
Name a kind of animal you might see in a swamp.
Snake.
Fish.
You'd have to have goggles, perhaps.
What do I say with bird?
Do I say falcon?
Say bird.
Say falcon.
Say bird.
Say falcon.
Say falcon.
Say bird.
Falcon.
No, no, no.
I'm saying bird.
I'm saying bird.
I'm saying bird. First answer was falcon. I'm saying bird. It was falcon. It was falcon. It's a falcon. No, no, no. I'm saying bird. I'm saying bird. I'm saying bird.
His first answer was falcon.
I'm saying bird.
It was falcon.
It was falcon.
Oh.
It's going to be.
Say falcon now.
You got to say falcon.
Say falcon.
You almost have to.
What else is in a fucking swamp?
A larger woman.
Seahawk.
I know.
Politicians.
Deer?
Not anymore, buddy.
We got rid of that shit.
Deer would be on the edge, but it wouldn't be in the swamp.
Deer.
Swamp deer.
Swamp deer.
Show me swamp deer.
Dude, get big.
You get big.
Brandon, weren't you birthed in a swamp?
Yeah.
Flies.
Those aren't animals.
All of those are.
It's like a bathtub birth.
Brandon was birthed in a swamp.
Oh, wow.
Tie.
Tie against McKenzie.
Natural swamp birth.
All right, let's go.
Come on, Brandon.
He is away, Grendon.
That was you as Shrek.
Name a type of TV program people watch in the afternoon.
No answer, no answer.
Talk show.
This is very on the nose here that you can't get this one.
Yeah.
Oh.
What is it?
News?
Oh, honey.
Oh, honey.
Fuck, it's a big one, too.
Oh, honey.
Oh, honey, what are you doing, honey?
What are you?
Oh, honey. Come on. Oh, no, don't help him. Don't help him.. Oh honey. Oh honey what are you doing honey? What are you?
Come on.
Don't help him.
Oh honey baby. Cartoons.
Oh honey bear.
Yak? Nobody watches Yak. Oh honey.
Please write cartoons. Cartoons.
Can we can the survey show cartoons?
What is it?
Oh honey. What is it?
You're going to have to drink another beer honey bear. Oh honey. What is it? Oh, honey. What is it? You're going to have to
drink another beer, honey.
Oh, honey.
What is it?
You're going to have to
chug a beer.
What are you doing?
How about a game show?
No.
Sports?
Yes.
Soap opera.
None of you knew it.
No, we knew it.
We just didn't want to say it.
Soap opera.
Always soap opera.
That's embarrassing.
The age of our lives.
You literally tweeted a clip
from a soap opera yesterday
saying it was me
it did look a lot like you
yeah but I don't want to talk
about my fantasy team like that
it'd be a bet
round three
I'm fucked
I can't
drink another one today
name a country
where they seem to
hate Americans
Brandon this is your chance
to be kind of racist
Mississippi
Russia
ooh
ooh
yup um Mississippi. Russia. Ooh. Ooh.
Yep.
England?
England.
Don't they have a haughty attitude?
No.
England.
I guess England just isn't a family.
Nah, you're not allowed to answer that.
Do they have this in Canada?
No, no, no.
Yeah, do it.
Yeah, please.
Mexico.
Who hates us?
France?
France.
Next.
We've been in wars with countries.
France? France?
They hate everybody, right?
What about the big one?
The big one.
What?
Iran?
What?
No, this is a big, giant country.
Iran?
North Korea?
China.
Say China.
Say China.
The one that's populated with all the men?
What's number one?
I can't.
I can't.
Cuba?
Afghanistan?
I said Afghanistan.
Iraq was incredibly.
That was like.
I said Afghanistan.
Yeah, we were at war for like.
You lost to. Oh my God. You lost to McAdley. incredibly that was like i said afghanistan yeah we were at war for like you lost a oh my god
those were 193 points yo you lost to somebody who's racially sexually and namely ambiguous
that's your worst nightmare you got less than 200 that was that was
i would do a beer tweet but i can't do it i gotta do it I can't do it. I got to do it later. Can't do it on the show.
Fine.
All right, let's try to get – I can't do it today.
Let's see if we can get someone to get less than 190.
I don't think it's possible.
I don't think it's possible.
We need two curled onions instead.
We all get to choose a champion.
I would eat one curled onion.
Somebody that's dumb.
All right, we get to choose one person to get less than 193.
They have to try.
If they do, then they have to do the beard.
Who in here is dumber than 193?
You got to go find the person.
All right, my turn.
We can all draft somebody.
We'll find the person.
They have to answer it like they have to actually try.
But how do we vet them that they're truly the dumbest?
I think we just pick who we think.
Maybe they all do one round of Family Feud together
and whoever does the worst is Brandon's
champion to do bad.
Alright, here we go. Seems like a lot.
Everything we do is.
3, 2, 1.
There's an Old Navy ad.
Let's watch the Old Navy ad, please.
We have some sort of banter.
This just makes me want to buy clothes.
Keep the trumpet.
Kyle, go pick out a moron
Who doesn't
Just run around with a trumpet
Alright
As soon as I get 193 I'm quitting
Yeah
I mean you get that really in the first round
If I get the bonus
Mine were too hard
I don't think so
I don't think you can get it
Raina
I'm on
Okay
Name a part of your own body that you bite
See he's getting a repeat
Fingers I don't think that Oh you don't Name a part of your own body that you bite. See, he's getting a repeat.
Fingers.
I don't think that.
Oh, you don't. Lip.
Uh-oh, Brandon.
Tongue.
Oh, he's going fast.
Oh, no.
This is a clinic.
I forget what the...
Cheek.
Good guess.
Perfect round.
Perfect fast.
All right, and I'm done.
And... Not quite. Wait, what'd right, and I'm done. Not quite.
Wait, what'd you get?
I got 193.
You're 169.
Ah, shit.
Okay.
What's one more answer?
You literally have to get one more answer.
Okay.
Here we go.
I want to do my whole game.
I want to see if I do well.
Name something that's better when it's fresh.
Fruit.
Pussy.
Whoa.
Ew, Brandon.
Sorry.
That implies young.
Meat.
What? That is much better. That implies young. Meat. Oh. What?
That is much better when it's fresh.
Fish.
This is tough.
Milk.
There's one that's pretty obvious.
Pretty, pretty obvious.
Brad.
You're telling him.
No, he didn't.
I didn't say a word.
He didn't.
He went like this.
All right, let's just try and get a perfect round.
Let's get a perfect round.
He went like this.
You guys help.
If KB's out and we get a perfect round, he will end his life.
Help, help.
We'll get a perfect round.
All right, here we go.
I'll go first, Owen.
Or we all say it.
We asked 100 married men, name a sea creature your mother-in-law reminds you of.
Oh, Jesus.
It's tough.
This is very offensive.
Whale.
Yeah.
Whale.
Shark.
Is there a fish that's named cunt?
Okay.
No, not shark. Octopus. Oct no octopus octopus yeah shark is probably good squid
squid squid squid squid is octopus i already guessed shark i think shark is good i mean
it's complicated shark shark works oh yeah that works um hold on dudes we're trying to get a Hold on, Dukes
We're trying to get a perfect game
Loch Ness Monster
It's not a sea, that's a lake
Crab
Crab
Lobster
I've run out of sea creatures
Mermaid
Walrus
If it's walrus I'm gonna scream
turtle dolphin
those two are bad
Brandon is your leg hurting or something
yeah it always is
power through
oh and you go first
tell me something that gets stuck in a tree
a cat yes great answer a ball might be one Good PR. Owen, you go first. All right. Tell me something that gets stuck in a tree. A cat.
Yes.
Great answer.
A ball might be one.
Go with Nick.
I forget it already.
A man dates a supermodel.
He might be surprised that she's super dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Name something you own that you talk to.
Dog.
Nice.
Nice.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Come on.
Tell me a word that rhymes with punk.
Skunk?
Skunk.
Skunk.
Skunk.
If we had a death wish, name an animal a man might compare his wife's legs to.
Elephant?
Elephant.
Elephant.
Hip.
Hippo?
Hippo.
I think elephant's better.
Hippo's better.
Good answer. All right. Show us a one. Hippo's better. Good answer.
All right, show us a one.
That's a one.
Boom.
Boom.
One answer.
Okay.
What?
Oh, junk.
Oh, fucking junk.
Oh, my heart.
How did I fuck that up?
This might be our best.
Yes.
Oh.
Alright, Dukes, you're going to finish the show.
So we called you in because
we think you've got extra time on the SATs
and you don't know how to breathe through your nose.
He also doesn't have
the sense of taste, as we learned.
Yeah, he does not have the sense of taste.
Alright, so Dukes, you're going to play one round
and then we're going to end the show.
You need to beat Brandon's score of 196. 193? Yeah, he does not. All right, so, Dukes, you're going to play one round, and then we're going to end the show. All right, perfect.
You need to beat Brandon's score of 196.
193.
193.
And nobody in this room help him. You notice that we just scored 1,300.
This has to be pure.
Let him do it on his own.
Brandon's very real score of 193.
193.
That's embarrassing.
It was bad.
It was rough.
You're in a league of your own.
I was number one ranked the last two days.
Dukes, do you need us to hype you up before you start playing?
Well, cumulatively, I'm already hyped up.
What if I could show you a shark eating a duck?
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky duck.
Sharky Duck. Sharky Duck. Sharky Duck.
We still haven't seen it yet.
Everybody that watches this show is dumber than us.
We found the greatest fans of all time.
The best fans of all time. I love them all.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
This is the one that survives.
It's the same one.
Sharks can't eat ducks.
That shark doesn't really want to eat that duck.
Watch out, though.
He slips right out.
How does he slip right out?
Pretty cool.
But then he doesn't really escape very fast.
No, he's chilling.
He doesn't give a fuck.
And then it turns into like...
Well, this might be the best show on the internet.
Wait, can you fast forward to the weird alert?
Weird alert.
Are you too far?
Too far.
Right there. Weird alert. Weird alert. Are you too far? Too far. Right there.
Weird alert.
Weird alert.
All right.
See you in the boat.
We should be put down.
All right, Dukes.
So I just have to guess?
Oh.
Okay.
Brandon, you might be good.
Don't help him. Just play Family Feud.
Do not help him.
No one say anything.
Just say the question when you see it.
Fish.
Wait, say the question.
Tell me something sharks are known to eat.
Fish.
I'm fucked
remember what we just did
no
don't
oh I keep going
oh yeah
humans
I think he might have me already
yeah I think he beat you
kelp
sure kelp
I can't
shut up what else do you sharks honestly you got the big three Help. I can't.
What else do sharks eat? Honestly, you got the big three.
Chum?
Chum.
Chum.
Good answer.
It's not.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Sharks eat.
I thought they just eat humans Oh trash
Trash
Garbage
Alright try garbage
When did you walk in here
10 minutes ago
Okay I had this one
Did you hear us chanting
Shark eat duck
We chanted Sharky Duck
We were literally chanting Sharky Duck
Did you think that was just
We didn't know this one was coming up
This is incredible
We weren't trying to help you
You are perfect for this
You are perfect for this
He won
Oh double points
Yeah
Here we go
Name a kind of fish you wouldn't want to see on your sushi roll.
This isn't easy.
No, this isn't easy.
No.
Eel.
Delicious.
Delicious.
Eel skin.
Sushi.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
I meant salmon.
Salmon. Yeah. You got it I meant salmon Yeah Crabs
You wouldn't want
Sashimi
You're saying delicious
Sashimi
S-A
Sashimi fish
Tuna
I might be sick of it You're out You would want tuna dude Fish you wouldn't want Sashimi. S-A. Sashimi fish. Tuna.
I might be sick of it. You're out.
This is a lot of tuna, Dukes.
Fish you wouldn't want.
Whale.
Dolphin.
I feel like dolphin would be...
Is that like mahi-mahi?
Is that a dolphin?
You named the best tasting sushi.
Yeah.
Carp.
That was a tough question.
That was a really hard one.
Duck.
All right. You're behind, Dukes. You did it. Is this my last... was a really hard one. Duck. All right.
You're behind, Dukes.
What do you have?
192?
193.
Is this the last one?
Yeah.
Oh, word.
Wait, did he win?
Besides that finger, name a place on her body that a woman might wear jewelry.
This is true.
Ankle.
Ankle.
That's got to be number one.
Yes.
Let the process work.
Wrist. Dukes.
Wrist.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Neck.
Yeah.
We're just working our way up the body, boys.
That's a lock.
That's a lock.
That's a lock.
That's a Dukes victory.
He's got his groove.
Victory lap.
He's supposed to go around. He can flex on us. Victory lap. He seems to be able to go around.
Now he can flex on us with different parts of the body, you know.
Waist?
Like a belt?
What?
Belt isn't jewelry.
What's another one?
Wrist, ankle.
Oh, almost.
Toes.
Oh, toes, yep.
Duke's name.
Why don't we reverse engineer it?
Name types of jewelry.
Necklace, bracelet, wristlet. Yeah, yep. Dukes, why don't we reverse engineer it? Name types of jewelry. Necklace, bracelet, wristlet.
Yeah, yeah.
Bracelet and a wristlet.
Name more types.
Maybe ears?
Wait, no.
Oh, earrings.
Yeah.
Fingers?
Well, no, no, fingers.
Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry, Dukes.
You look stupid there, Dan.
I do look stupid.
Because I was about to do the same thing.
I didn't say it.
Dukes beat...
Beat the shit out of me.
He got 301. He killed him.
Oh, God. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
All I want is Shark Eat Duck.
Somebody just tagged
me on Twitter. They bought Shark Eat Duck
dot com for us. Oh, yes.
That's where we put our daily show. Let's just put Family Feud
up there. Yeah, we should just host a Family Feud
show. Oh, can we make our own up there. Yeah, we should just host a Family Feud show.
Can we make our own game like that? He bought SharkyDuck.com, and it redirects to your Twitter.
Oh, wait, really?
SharkyDuck.com just goes to my Twitter?
Oh, hell yes.
Fuck yes.
Oh, my God.
This is the best day of my life.
You're going to get so much traffic on your Twitter.
All the people wanting to visit that site.
Everybody be sure to visit Sharkyduck.com.
Oh, that's fucking amazing.
I love this guy.
Oh, he's the best man in the world.
Brandon.
Yes.
Cliff DeMartino, the man.
Oh, it was Cliff?
Yeah, it was Cliff DeMartino.
Goated stoolie.
Oh, I just followed him. He's the goated stoolie. Shout out Cliff DeMartino. Oh man. Oh, it was Cliff? Yeah, it was Cliff DeMartino. Goated stoolie.
Oh, I just followed him.
He's the goated. Shout out Cliff DeMartino.
Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
Oh, these expired.
How old are these?
Onions don't expire.
Vegetables don't go bad.
I'll have one.
I'm eating one.
That's what we're doing?
I'm eating an onion?
Eat one onion.
Just eat one pearl onion.
One pearl onion.
That's it, and I'm out of onion? Eat one onion. Just eat one pearl onion. One pearl onion. That's it.
And I'm out of it?
Yep.
Okay.
Easy as that.
Pearl onion?
Pearl onion.
Pearl onion.
You can't swallow it.
You have to eat it.
Would you like to smell to verify that it in fact is...
You have to eat it, not swallow.
That's fermented.
Yep, I got it.
Dukes did this to you.
Walk, eat, yuck.
Watch your victory.
Walk, eat, yuck. Walk, eat, yuck. Walk, eat, yuck. Watch your victory. Walk, eat, yuck.
Walk, eat, yuck.
Walk, eat, yuck.
Oh, is it bad?
It's hard to eat.
Yeah, what is that texture?
Yeah, what is that?
It's very crunchy.
Now you got to go kiss Grandin.
You got to go kiss your sister with onion bread.
Is it vinegary?
Kiss your sister.
Ew.
Ew.
Glennie, come here.
Glennie, could you
smell Brandon's breath for me real quick?
Yeah, I know. It's too gross.
But you have to guess what he ate.
Any guesses?
Here, here, here.
Yeah, you're good.
Some sort of like jalapeno chip maybe?
Yep, exactly.
You got it.
Wow.
It's not.
Good answer.
I kind of felt jalapeno.
I feel like we could do the same thing with Duke's right now and he wouldn't get it.
Duke's?
Duke's?
I could smell it.
Dukes.
Smell Brandon's breath.
He'd be like, is that an egg?
Oh, he's gone.
Oh, perfect.
What did Brandon just eat, Dukes?
Does it smell of?
What does it smell like?
What did he just eat?
I will say, it doesn't smell like an onion.
It does smell closer to a jalapeno shit.
Yeah, it's spicy breath.
Really?
Yeah, it does smell closer to a jalapeno.
It's very vinegary.
Are you okay?
You good?
I'm fine.
It's good for you.
And now it all sets in.
So you had the Lomo Saltato, and now it gets counteracted by the onion.
This is all my plan.
It's like a time bomb that just got set off.
If you Google Lomo Saltado followed by pickled onion, you die.
That's how the kid from the Nesquik commercial died.
Yeah, it's like Pop Rocks and Coke.
You're dead.
You are dead.
Spider's supposed to be in the emergency room.
Why?
His finger.
What happened?
It's massive.
Spider!
Spider!
Oh, no.
He got big finger?
Oh, is that food for all of us?
Spider, what happened to your finger?
Let me see.
No, I didn't order anything.
Spider, you got big finger?
Let me see that shit.
What happened?
I had to go to the hospital.
Spider, you should go to the hospital.
Let me see, let me see, let me see.
Oh, God.
Spider, what's happening?
Wait, no, turn to the camera. Let me see it the other way. You don't have to do the camera. I'm just... Turn it over. You should go to the hospital. Let me see. Oh, God. Spider, it's a fun way. Turn to the camera.
You don't have to do the camera.
I'm just...
Turn it over.
You should go to the emergency room.
Wait.
What happened, Spider?
Did you get bit?
No, basically like the nail...
Go to the doctor.
Oh, I thought you were going to say go to the mic.
No, go to the...
Well, go to the mic, but also go to the doctor.
It looks like it's infected, dude.
Yeah, I got to get it drained.
Yeah. Go. Just go. Yeah. Yeah. Go. All right. But also go to the doctor. It looks like it's infected, dude. Yeah, I got to get it drained. Yeah.
Go.
Just go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go.
All right.
I love you, Senator.
Go right now.
Oh, man.
Where's Brennan's food?
Is that your food, you sure?
I didn't order anything.
You ordered me Lomo Saltado.
It's good.
You scarfed it down.
And you have like a box of Goobers on your desk?
I do.
Why?
I've had the Goobers since last year.
I want a Goober.
Goobers are my favorite candy.
They're at a movie theater.
I said it once on the Yak two years ago.
Somebody sent me a box.
That's awesome.
I have many Goobers.
Y'all want Goobers?
Yeah.
Let's go eat some Goobers.
All right, Goobers.
Tomorrow, Brandon, Owen, KB.
And Dukes.
And Dukes.
And Dukes.
That means you cannot play Family Feud.
Yeah, you're down one.
We'll see what happens.
We could give a fifth.
No, it's no unnatural fives.
No unnatural fives.
Right, so you could have a guest, but the guest can never get you to five.
Okay, no, okay.
So we can't do three, but we can do five.
We could do three.
Let's compromise.
Three-fifths compromise.
That's one of the more masculine sits I've ever seen, Kyle.
This is not bad.
Yeah, you always sit like that, actually.
You're showing cellulite.
Shut up.
This is the second time you've said that, and you know for a fact I don't have cellulite.
Yeah, zoom in.
Zoom all the way in.
This show actually could use a little dick slip.
Yeah, we're due.
Look at that.
You can see the penis.
So I got a really long... I never wore shorts on the show, but I got a DM. I was like, we're due. Look at that. You can see the penis. So I got a really long... I never
wore shorts on the show, but I got a DM. How is that for no print?
I got a DM from somebody. They were like,
yo, Nick, 22 minutes and 30 seconds
into the yak around that time.
And then I was like, oh, fuck, what happened? I opened up the message.
It was like, you crossed your legs and I saw a sliver
of your pussy.
You got him.
Alright.
Okay. See you tomorrow.
Alright, bye. You got him Alright okay see you tomorrow Yep Alright bye It's the act. It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankees pop. It's the act. Thank you.