The Yak - Sketch and Ryan Blaney Break Records in The Gauntlet | The Yak 2-27-24

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. Welcome to the act. Oh, shit. Anthony Kyle? Yeah, man. What's up, shorts man? Yeah, it's short.
Starting point is 00:00:40 It's 65 and sunny. Yeah. It's amazing what it does to your brain. Yeah, you're a vibe right now, dude. Are you high right now? No. By no means. Roback, get your joggers, your hoodies, your crewnecks, your quarter zips,
Starting point is 00:00:58 your fleeces, all of it. Kick the new year off right. Use code YAK on Roback.com for a generous 20% off your first purchase. That's R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. 20% off the best hoodies, crewnecks, joggers, and more with code YAK. Welcome. There he goes. There he goes.
Starting point is 00:01:16 There he goes. There he goes. What's on the back of the most sport shirt? Mr. Ed's hoof sliding into home plate. Okay. How didn't I get that uh it is a little jumbled yeah can we pull it up they're for sale they are on their own barstool store right now it was driving me a little crazy they got the hat you know the logo with the uh mr ed holding the bat i want that hat um you can get a hat and get a shirt but the logo on the back of the shirt is a
Starting point is 00:01:41 little it looks like either like a giant piece of fried chicken i thought it was fried chicken or or i thought it was like your thing which would be fitting or just a cloud of dust it's it's tough to yeah but if you want a shirt that makes people go i don't get it this is the one for you no most of ours no if you don't get it like that's a huff it does look like fried chicken it's like a viral tweet that's like my ass thought that was a chicken tender it is it is family if you're in the family you know exactly what that is it's mr ed's hoof sliding into home plate of dodger stadium circa 1964 like not that big of a deal does it say 100th anniversary 100 it was our 100th episode yes okay yeah oh that's there's oh oh now i see y'all have seen uh y'all have seen the mr ed clip correct that's a smooth hoof yeah that has wrinkles well we're not we had a fan do it and uh we liked it and it's a very good
Starting point is 00:02:35 but the front of the shirt the pocket logo is fantastic mr ed holding the bat like that's that's a great i like that yes good colors yeah So you can get those or you can get the hat, which has the exact same logo on it. So there you go. I want the hat. Yeah, I like that. You can get the hat. Do I have to buy it? I'll get you a hat.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Thank you. Do you have Carl Hamm stuff yet? We don't have any Carl Hamm merch yet, but we will be working on it. We've been talking about your shirt since you left. Oh, cool. Yeah. It's a mostly sports shirt. That's great.
Starting point is 00:03:04 They've been making fun of the not making fun of but no criticizing criticizing yes they've been criticizing the logo on the back brandon said not criticizing uh the mr ed hoofs uh not realizing that the plural of hoof is hooves well actually i i never once pluralized hoofs i know you did the first time you said it i caught it and i thought am going to bring this up? But it wasn't. That was an appropriate bring up. Good job.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Francis, I apologize on his behalf. Guys, stop. We're not all that dumb on the arm. He's wrong. No, I know. I have so much respect for you. I did not say hoofs pluralized. I said the hoofs on the plate.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Hoof apostrophe S, hoof is. Why would that be apostrophe S? Because I just did. Oh, the hoofs on the plate. the hoofs on the plate oh now that's whack that you even try whack you look horrible what a weird way to speak why did you need to save time there just the hoofs on the plate the hoofs on the plate i feel like everybody else gathered it immediately and you are i think nobody else i don't know i heard it i certainly never said it pluralized because why would i there was only one that's right well as long as we're clear on this is why you and i clash because i say something perfectly normal and you call it out
Starting point is 00:04:18 when is he not called out people for speaking improperly yeah yeah brandon but i didn't speak improperly that's the point. You did. One time I said flute player and you said, do you mean flautist? And it pissed me off. How's everybody doing? Doing well. Thank you for asking. I was impressed with you yesterday, Brandon. Thank you. I think just staying upright through
Starting point is 00:04:39 the whole day was going to make people impressed with me. But I think you performed well. I did. I outperformed Mark Titus in three of the five disciplines. Wow. And the leaderboard reflects that. Which is why if you went and looked up the leaderboard, you would see Brandon's name below my ish. Huh.
Starting point is 00:04:58 So how does that reverse alphabetical? Yeah, I don't know. Did they empty the gym? What's missing? Something's not here. Something's not here. Something's not here. Where's the soccer goal? Net.
Starting point is 00:05:08 Soccer. Over there. Right. Okay, well, that's usually there, and it looks empty to me. No, there's still something missing. Something else missing? Our football table. The nets are up.
Starting point is 00:05:18 The basketball nets. The goals. Yeah. Oh. They're not. This one's not. That one is. This one is.
Starting point is 00:05:24 Yeah, but I can't see that one something's a mess something's something's a mess up there it's okay francis when are you leaving this evening we got into a debate this morning not a debate but a sports discussion this could be spirited uh what's a team that's never had a cool player? Or the least cool team? The team with the least cool players. I think we got to Denver. Broncos. I feel like Toronto. Nicky Smoke said Arizona Cardinals.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Arizona Cardinals is a good one. Now that we're here, I must ask, did you name the last cool Tampa Bay Buck? Mike Evans, Tom Brady? There's nothing cool about Tom Brady. There's nothing cool about Tom Brady. I think Baker Mayfield's cool. I think he's cool presenting,
Starting point is 00:06:14 but he's not actually cool. Baker Mayfield is cool. Arizona Cardinals was a good one from Smokes. I can't think of the last... Fitzgerald... He was like an intellect, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:27 He still is. That's not cool at all. Kyler Murray was a good one. No. Kyler Murray, his head is too disproportionate to be cool. Yeah. Cool comes down to head proportion. Sorry, Brando.
Starting point is 00:06:40 One of the ones you threw out earlier was Indianapolis Colts. Yeah. Peyton certainly never was cool. Andrew Luck never cool. That's a good one. I would count it with Edger and James being very cool as fuck. Was he cool as fuck? Or are you biased?
Starting point is 00:06:54 No, Edger and James was cool as fuck. In fact, Edger and James played for the Cardinals. But was he cool when he played for the Cardinals? The Cardinals collect a lot of guys at the end of their careers. Is Bolden cool? Why it? He's like Andre Johnson. Andre Johnson's cool though because he beat that guy.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Yeah, because he fought. I can't think of a cool Cardinal. Cardinals was the one I had a hard time. Chandler Catanzanzaro the kicker pat tillman was cool he sagged his jeans did he sag his jeans yeah had a gun yeah that's cool that's pretty long hair like a rock star did he only become cool in the public consciousness after he left the Cardinals, though? And he joined the military.
Starting point is 00:07:47 That made him... After he did the one thing he's super fucking famous for? Right. Yeah. Right. But that happened after he was a Cardinal. So, France, do you think Pat Tillman's cool? I like Pat Tillman. I read the biography.
Starting point is 00:07:57 It was written by John Krakauer. It's called Where Men Win Glory. It's a good book. Oh, yeah. Although it was very controversial because you guys know that he was killed by friendly fire. Yeah. And this book suggests that it was intentional because he was said to be potentially outing the opium trade from Afghanistan that ran through the military. Wow.
Starting point is 00:08:22 How heavily does it imply that? I can't quite figure out where his family stands on whether we should like him. His family's like, you shouldn't like him. Using him as a prop to... The family and the military were very much at odds. They didn't like the fact that they were kind of doing an inquest or not accepting that it was just an accident, I think. And then the military was like, well, I think some commander had said, well, part of the reason that they're doing this is because they can't let go of their son because they're not God-fearing people and blamed their, like, secularity on it.
Starting point is 00:09:07 It's an interesting book, but it definitely is a little unsettling. Being in the military doesn't automatically make you cool, a la... Sure it does. Leap and glide and... Was there any, like, swaggy dudes in the military? Yeah, big time.
Starting point is 00:09:24 They had the cars called Donks all over base because, like, the first time you had a steady paycheck, Was there any swaggy dudes in the military? Yeah, big time. They had the cars called donks all over base because it's the first time you had a steady paycheck. What's donk stand for? I have no idea. Because dink is double income, no kids. Donk is that... But the low riders and whatever. On the weekends when the guys got dressed up.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I don't know. Cowboys, all kinds of did you did your did your run uh was it during social media at all a little bit facebook was the hot ticket item so you made your life look way more intense than it was for your friends back home yeah and you came in this morning and announced that you have new jeans this is my second pair of mom jeans. Shave my ankles. They're a little high now. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:10:10 I'm still trying to figure it out. I've been doing pajama jeans until people online told me that wasn't cool anymore. Yeah, pajama jeans were cool for a while. Which are, what are pajama jeans? Yeah, what a fact. Those aren't cool anymore. Pajama jeans? What a fact. Those aren't cool anymore. Pajama jeans. They're super tight to your legs and they look like jeans, but they're like pajamas.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Oh, jeggings. Jeggings. I was jeggings all the way. And then I was told that those are out now. And I don't know how to dress. And so I've been struggling to find new mom pants. This is the second new pair of jeans because when you were laying on the floor and none of us helped you. Yeah. Sorry. This is the second new pair of jeans, because when you were laying on the floor and none of us helped you.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Yeah. Sorry. That was my other new pair of jeans. These go all the way up to my tits. And I feel very cool in them. You could wipe out a carton of cigarettes in those jeans. Oh, absolutely. Those are like my Aunt Maureen from Delco type jeans.
Starting point is 00:10:59 That's what I'm going for, Luke. Thanks. Jesus. Hell yeah. Anyways. Brandon, we went out to dinner last night, nine of us. And we're having a nice dinner at a nice restaurant in Chicago. And Nikki Smokes ordered a round of vodka shots.
Starting point is 00:11:22 The restaurant was like, I'm sorry. and they brought them out in water glasses they just poured vodka into water oh my god and then i was like you take vodka shots and they were like and he was like yeah i'm not a pussy bitch anymore what do you shoot i was like I don't know, tequila? Is vodka the new, is that the adult shot? No, by far, I think it's the trashy. It's always trashy. Did he say anymore, I'm not a pussy bitch anymore? He said that he had graduated from what I presume was tequila. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Tequila's pussy bitch? Tequila, it's acceptable to order around at a restaurant. Yeah, I like a tequila shot. I don't mind it they both taste but on the pussy bitch scale vodka certainly wouldn't be above i think they're comparable in in how hard they are to tequila harder yeah but vodka has no taste was it like a high-end vodka it was like i don't know i don't know i don't even know what they they were just like we're and by the way they didn't even do it for the whole table there were nine of us five four or five shots came out how
Starting point is 00:12:30 did he order it i'd like to know i don't know because i was ordering the food for everybody and so then they just did it for nine people yeah they let me run the show well did you guys all take it no well everybody who got one took it yeah how did you get drafted to run the show did you draft yourself people were it was like a tapas restaurant type place you three plates per person i can't possibly order anything francis please do this for me it just started to get so complicated that i said might it be good if if one person ordered for us and they said we nominate you which is what i wanted them to say and then i ordered too much how did you and now i'm concerned and then at some point at some point smoke said and i'm concerned about expensing it given that there
Starting point is 00:13:17 were five vodka shots ordered who was the crew it was me will compton tommy smokes uh rudy nicky smokes uh clemmer billy football and ah there was one more and i can't remember you only named seven i know there were two to my left and i'm blanking a little bit wow oh um was fights involved he's been no spider no it was new york the people from new york mostly who were visiting so you had nicky and tommy smokes the same table was the explosive because those guys hate each other is that so yeah is that because they both have the last name smokes it's good work that's good i don't know what was the conversation like at that table because well it was funny we started talking oh dana beers was there well we started talking about uh ivf and uh fertility stuff and
Starting point is 00:14:17 guys like nikki smokes and dana weren't happy about it i they're like this is bullshit i don't want to talk about this i don't want to talk about this. I don't want to talk about fertility. Dana Beard goes, this is way too intellectual for me. And I was like, I don't really know if I'd call fertility treatment. I'm talking about my sperm and shit. I don't know if I'd call this intellectual. Were you talking about your own? Billy badly wants to come on.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Would you call it dinner conversation, though? Yeah, because we were all kind of, some of us were going through it. We were all some of us. I mentioned that I had just gotten my sperm results back, and they weren't as good as I had hoped. I was bummed out. My motility was not very high. Billy, you fucking sucked yesterday.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Honestly, I just thought I was listening because I want to hear what Francis had to say about the IVF conversation. It was so funny, just the gathering of the barstool guys and probably people thinking, oh, a bunch of barstool bros sitting at the table. What are they talking about? Sperm. And it's just like we're having an in-depth conversation about female fertility. It's not exactly crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:20 No, male fertility. No, no, no. We're having a conversation about male. The bulk of it was about female fertility and how hard it is, like endometriosis. You guys were talking cream puffs. Yeah, you're talking about filling up women. No, it wasn't. We didn't talk that much about jizz.
Starting point is 00:15:36 It was just you talking about your motility, and then we dropped it. What's motility? What is motility? Francis goes, we're all going through it, but my motility is slow. We went from motility, I think, is the ability of them to swim. How well do they swim? Is your sperm? Why do you care?
Starting point is 00:15:54 Are you hyper-obsessed about all of your health metrics? No, I'm trying to have a child. Oh, my God. What is getting the results going to do? Oh my God. What's the, what is getting the results going to do? Well, if you find out, if you find out,
Starting point is 00:16:11 what could you change? No, they have a robot. It just helps you start to get ahead of it. So theoretically, if, if my numbers are bad, it gives you more options. Like we could try to create some embryos,
Starting point is 00:16:22 but what does slow, what is bad about slow sperm slow sperm can't get to the egg yeah they don't it just takes time yeah but it's like a spectrum it's hostile and still is it there's a lot of things trying to take them out yeah and so they gotta be quick dude but there's good news modern science they can put the sperm in the egg without uh needing it to do it naturally francis wants to fuck yeah well he could still do that but so like do you think you're telling me a new thing no but but there there's also like a robot that like replaces the tail i i got concerned for you so actually the tail of the
Starting point is 00:16:57 sperm yeah like it's really cool i saw a video i i know i'm not telling you a new thing but no actually i didn't know that. But typically, whenever you start to, like, mansplain to me, I shut down. Because a lot of the time, you tell me things that aren't true. Well, that, I mean, it's an interesting fact. What did I tell you that wasn't true? I don't even, a lot of the conversations we have... No, thanks for having me on.
Starting point is 00:17:28 It was a funny conversation at dinner, like all the barstool dudes, like Nikki Smoke, Dana Beers, Will Compton, and me, we were just sitting at a table and we were just talking about the uterine wall follicle-stimulating hormone. It was just hilarious.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Yeah, that's what you'd think you'd be talking about. Yeah. I ran into Billy on the street today. The show? I was wearing jeans and a gym bag. And he goes, hey, you want to go for a jog and jump in the lake with me? Did you do that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Did you go jump in the lake? Yeah, I was just like, I was getting some exercise, start the day, clear the mind. You jumped in the lake yeah it was just like i was getting some exercise start the day clear the mind you jumped in the lake yeah lake michigan i think you knew what's like yeah i was just like i ran got a sweat got the endorphins going hit the cold water and now you know i'm buzzing you're a cold water guy yeah it's like a natural it's like a drug dude and then you just get dressed because i could hear the highway you were right next to like yeah like short drive you just get dressed again and kind of wet and you run home yeah people were staring at me i would have crashed my car probably yeah well no one crashed uh but yeah i i the walk home wet was a little like what the
Starting point is 00:18:41 fuck am i doing um that's where I started questioning my decisions. But the endorphin rush was dope. Cleared brain. Felt good. Also was great for the soreness. I'm a little sore than I thought I would be. Yeah, are you guys sore? Your shoulder? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Your shoulder good, Billy? Yeah, shoulder's decent. Yeah. Really? Dude, you know what actually really hurts? I got a semi-black eye. Shout out white boy Rick. We were playing basketball. Wait, does a semi-black eye. Shout out white boy Rick. We were playing basketball.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Wait, does a semi-black eye mean not a black eye? It's like halfway developing. It's a gray eye. But I believe in the one-drop black eye theory. What? There's any black in your eye, it's a black eye. I got like something going on. I'm not looking.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Yesterday, when we were doing the vertical leap, you couldn't even lift your shoulder up to do the thing. But then when it was time to do the actual leap, you reached up vigorously and took a huge swipe. Swatted the weighted thing. And achieved greatness. How did you do that with such a hurt shoulder? Honestly, the adrenaline kicked in when you're moving.
Starting point is 00:19:42 How am I the only one that gets held accountable for hijinks your actions many other people did crazy things you are the only one that gets held accountable for your actions yeah you know like it was uh it was a good time yeah you couldn't raise your shoulder and you Mike Tyson'd it blame Francis yeah well I thought that was part of it You Mike Tyson'd it. Aren't you supposed to be standing on it? Blame Francis. Well, I thought that was part of it.
Starting point is 00:20:07 I mean, dude, you have defensive linemen hitting it just as hard. Yeah, knocking the thing over. Nobody had knocked it over. You're into, like, biohacking, like, hacking your biology. Yeah, it's cool. Are you into, like, trying to hack your, like, emotional impulses at all? Yeah, no, I'm trying. Like, right now now i'm totally
Starting point is 00:20:25 rational about the situation i get wound up in the moment i mean billy you tried to fight me yesterday there was also pre-workout involved uh-huh yeah but you were wrong i don't even know what i said i think i said you try to start i think i said max is gonna lift more than you you were trying to make fun you said go to hell you fucking southern moron no that's how you said yes you did you did yes you did you did i said i did not mention your geographic you absolutely did no i didn't i called you an old fat fuck you said he did there was southern moron no no you're you're adding the regional but i said billy I said. I would never hold being from the south against someone. I think that the regional by almost like it's just.
Starting point is 00:21:11 I said, here's Billy. Is he going to lift as much as Max did? And you said, shut the fuck up, you old southern moron. No, that's not what happened. I literally, you try to start making fun of me for making excuses about Max like outperforming. I was like, no, he should have done better because he's 280 pounds. And you're like, you're makinging. He was like, no, he should have done better because he's 280 pounds.
Starting point is 00:21:27 And you're like, you're making excuses. I'm like, no. And then you just started like... It's filmed. We could find out. You know, you're making all of this up. I'm not. Find the fucking film.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Find the film. We don't have that. It was before. Find the film. That is exactly what happened. Like, literally... Okay, we... Why is everyone just so hostile?
Starting point is 00:21:45 Nobody's hostile at all. Like, talk, okay, why is everyone just so hostile? Nobody's hostile at all. Like, talk about fucking IVF and what the boys were chilling with last night. Yeah. It was fun. We had a fun convo. We can talk about that. It's a fair question, Billy. Why is everyone hostile?
Starting point is 00:21:58 We already talked about Francis' sperm. We can't really go back to it. I know. All right, thanks, Billy. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Mark, where do you get your hair cut? I don't know. Why? go back to it. I know. All right, thanks, Billy. Thanks, guys. Thank you, thank you. Mark, where do you get your hair cut?
Starting point is 00:22:06 I don't know why. I want to steal. We could talk. All right, tell me what you need. I found a lady. Do I need to do a Henny Friday? I found a lady in Roscoe Village I like. Shit, okay.
Starting point is 00:22:18 She doesn't talk too much either, which I very much enjoy. Oh, I like that. You found a woman that doesn't talk? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Yes, Kate? Just being cool. At one point yesterday, I was sitting on a couch,
Starting point is 00:22:41 and Mook was sitting next to me, and then on the other side was that young man with the long red hair and mook goes well well look at us all three of us three redheads and uh i don't know that i've ever felt so ashamed of having red hair whoa as in that moment fall back bro you know there's something it felt like the, you ever see those ginger conventions where they all gather on a hillside? Gingerventions. They have ginger runs now.
Starting point is 00:23:13 I don't think we should all be able to hang out together. I don't know if I saw this wrong, but I saw Blutman at the corner of the bar yesterday eating, he had little rolls of turkey directly on the bar top and he had the rolls but he was eating them like a corn on the cob and it was that was that was he doing that yeah i think so it was directly off the top of the bar he's such a dog unless i saw that wrong which i admired now francis in public we can't be linked, all three.
Starting point is 00:23:47 But in the comfort of our sanctuary here, I felt nice. Don't you think it sort of brings attention to us when there's all of us sitting on one couch? For sure. And I don't think I want that. I think we should honor people's disgust of us and not enhance that is true i'm far more likely to acknowledge three gingers sitting by each other than really any other physical identifier i see one ginger i just avoid i see three gingers i say oh yuck they're plotting yeah they're planning something i I felt comfort in that moment. I was like, I'm
Starting point is 00:24:26 surrounded by my guys right now. Damn, dude. How deep can we go on our ginger roster? We have a lot here. No, we have a lot. Yeah, I feel like there's a weird amount. If you all moved in a like if you all went out to the bar together and I was like a cool hot girl, I'd be like yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Me, I'd probably talk to you. You have a deep hatred for us going back to high school. Yeah. Kate once said to me she was never worried about getting a guy because she could always pull a ginger. A ginger, yeah. Oh, the fallback. Fallback. It was, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:02 There's one weird historical inaccuracy in film i find which is that in a lot of those disney movies the redhead is is the bully all the o'doyle scott parker brothers yellow eyes are redheads for some reason i i was bullied for having red hair i was the recipient of bullying for my hair yeah i never found the redheads to be the bullies can i make a confession that's gonna make me seem very southern and stupid go for it i don't think i ever knew you were redhead till this exact i don't think he is i thought i thought i viewed you as a blonde until right now i'm and it's obviously red i'm gonna pull up a picture that'll make your hair curl. Look at it.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Yeah. Oh, wow. That's very red today. My goodness. I mean, my pubic hair is a rust. It's sort of a dirty copper. So if you look at my pubes, you would not have any doubt. A dirty copper like a policeman?
Starting point is 00:26:08 Here, I'll show you my high school. Homeless guy's been trying to steal it. Your penis planted cocaine in the back of a black man's car. Mark Furman. My pubic hair is like lava right now. Lava? It's on fire?
Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah, pretty much. It's on fire? Yeah pretty much It's a forest fire down there You might have an STD It might be an STD buddy Probably yeah Show it Prove it I don't think it is
Starting point is 00:26:33 I'll show you I think it's pretty groomed Do you show pubes on YouTube or Rumble or any of those? I think so I'll allow it Good to know Oh have you Side note
Starting point is 00:26:44 Sorry I'm on fire today Boobs Yeah Instagram I'll allow it good to know oh have you side note sorry I'm on fire today boobs yeah Instagram yeah you know what I'm talking about yeah
Starting point is 00:26:53 hell yeah you can only show your bare breasts on Instagram if it's breastfeeding breastfeeding that's right yes so have you seen the new trend
Starting point is 00:27:02 they'll pull the trick yeah they'll just have the baby either near it or pull it right off. Women are getting reborn dolls. I've talked about them on here before. They're like $1,000.
Starting point is 00:27:09 They look very, very real. And then they're pretending to breastfeed. And so they're like flopping their tits around and looking at the camera. And then they have the reborn doll. That's weird. It's super creepy. It's really fucking weird. That's fucking weird.
Starting point is 00:27:23 Yeah. I got to see that. I know, because this morning Pat was like, you you seen this it was like his whole algorithm what the fuck uh but yeah it's very weird and it's like all over instagram now it's and they're great boobs but really weird thing to do my word francis that was me in high school. Yeah. Jeez, man. That's you in high school? You have the same adult face. Yeah, you do. I bought beer for kids.
Starting point is 00:27:50 You always had a chiseled face? Yeah, but I didn't know. I was a late bloomer. What is this? Well, that's worse. That's college. Oh, okay. Yeah, worse from high school to college.
Starting point is 00:28:03 I got my Go Crimson photo on the Harvard. And you did. Across the okay. Yeah, worse from high school to college. Like, go Crimson photo on the Harvard lacrosse website. And you did. Nice. Let's see sasses. What you got, KB? Yeah, the breastfeeding thing thing that's the same for YouTube five six years ago there was like
Starting point is 00:28:33 suspicious like Vietnamese like entities that would just film a woman breastfeeding various children in some type of sty and like a sterile sty of sorts. Oh, God. For like 12 hours long. And I think it attracted. It was it was a weird loophole.
Starting point is 00:28:57 Sure does. Yeah, it's a weird loophole, but it's like a new be on the lookout, fellas. It's a new trend on. But this is just like only fans, girls. Yeah. Sex workers doing it. Yeah. I feel like you could always do naked yoga on YouTube. It's a new trend on. But this is just like only fans, girls, sex workers doing it? Yeah. I feel like you could always do naked yoga on YouTube.
Starting point is 00:29:09 That was a loophole as well. Really? You have to avoid the sexualization aspect. Yeah, you can be naked and show your cooch, but not make it sexual. If it's medical or academic. Academic pussy. That's that lady was doing sunning her perennium. Yes. Viral the other year.
Starting point is 00:29:22 There was a guy on YouTube pretty recently that was going viral for like showing his balls and butthole on YouTube, but it's because he was doing like waxing tutorials or he would just be like, look at my ass and then show his whole asshole and balls. Waxing tutorials. Like in the first like three seconds of the video, it'd be his asshole. But it's fine to show then? I guess it's fine enough fine enough like again let's make fun of it and shit yeah let's watch it but laugh at it it's sexualized you can't do it that was like the big argument about male nipples on twitch for years was that you could you couldn't sexualize
Starting point is 00:29:59 male nipples on twitch as well as female nipples now now who's like gatekeeping this is it an algorithm or is there a guy that has to judge this asshole? You have to self-report your boners when you watch the content. Yeah. And they add them all up. There's just one guy looking at dick and balls all day. That's not sex.
Starting point is 00:30:16 He's about to wax. This one's fun. I'm not hard at all watching this. I think I'd be a good gauge of that. You'd be great. Thank you. Because I can yeah I can look at a dick
Starting point is 00:30:28 and not get hard yeah that's tough it's big time I'd be so mad at myself if I did anyways today's episode
Starting point is 00:30:39 is brought to you by High Noon the High Noon El Prez Pack is here featuring top four High Noon vodka seltzer flavors. It's ranked by El Prez himself. Those flavors include passion fruit, pineapple, pear, and the all-new flavor tangerine, all made with real vodka and real juice. This 12-pack is only here for a limited time, so get it while you can.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Just look for the pack with Dave's face on it. You can even scan the QR code on the pack and have El Prez virtually in your party. Visit HighNoonSpirits.com to find the el prez pack nearest you francis have you ever done the yak gauntlet he's not his first time week in the office ever yeah oh really okay there's a lot about this place that um i've been really enjoying like all of it there? There's just, you know, I don't know. I feel like it's much different than I was expecting in a lot of ways. The city or the office? The office.
Starting point is 00:31:31 There's upsides that I didn't know about. The free lunches? Free lunch. No, see, those are things I did know about. What didn't you know about? I didn't know how nice the lighting was in here. Everywhere. And that's an upside to everywhere it's a big
Starting point is 00:31:46 plus it's so uplifting new york is like a hospital lighting yeah everywhere you go uh there's good light so you can film anywhere um it's up you know you've got natural light like outdoor views we've had the blinds closed in new york for five years i don't know why we do that there because there are construction workers that are peering in and have been working on the scaffolding outside there the entire time that office has been a barstool property let them peer i have no problem with them i like watching them work it would seem selfish to not allow them that in return i don't know i'm a i'm a huge fan of this place what else in addition to the lighting um that's about it i just think that it's incredibly rare to have a basketball court
Starting point is 00:32:41 that you can just arrange a quick impromptu pickup game at when you have, you know, a little bit of free time. So you play. Yeah. Nice. Played two, two games.
Starting point is 00:32:52 Billy was on my team. Uh, it was a disaster. Um, he's a psychopath and, um, I got injured, really hurt my hand.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You were dunking. Not from that, though. I was trying to catch someone running through a screen, and I jammed my two fingers. It happens every time I play. But the point being that you play in a game, and therefore you don't have to go to the gym afterwards. That's a remarkably specific thing to happen every time you play.
Starting point is 00:33:23 I jam my fingers every time. I always hurt my fingers every time. My fingers. I always hurt my fingers playing basketball. Am I doing something wrong? Probably. Hurting your fingers. Finger jams. Taking your fingers. It's either on the ball or on a person.
Starting point is 00:33:37 It's usually on a person. You're too handsy then. Yeah. That may be. Or I just need to start grabbing him with a fist. Fisting him. Yeah. Brandon's doing stand-up comedy tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:33:50 You are? Any pointers? Wow. Well, have you got your ideas? I do. You know what you're going to do? Me and Nick are sitting down and I'm going to give him my ideas today. I see you as a mundane guy.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Just like you focus on just the most mundane shit. You're like these microphones these days are, you know, you just look hyper specific. Anybody notice like Coke is just kind of not as, not as like flavorful. Anybody else have knees? Yeah. My knees are, man.
Starting point is 00:34:22 They're going? Yeah. I got about 26 minutes written. Jesus Christ. Let's go. Tomorrow at the Laugh Factory, it's me and I'm hosting for Mook and Nick. I mean, you're doing it. Almost sold out.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Oh, yeah. Almost sold out. Almost sold out. Me and Nick are doing some new material as well. Yeah. Sorry for being late, everyone. Hello. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:34:41 What's up? It was Biz. Biz is such a good talker get your tickets now also we had jay billis on that was oh did you really yeah wait brandon didn't you say something mean about him yeah he said the dumbest fucking thing i've ever seen he made me feel really dumb he was correcting some of my word choices so he made you feel he just said the dumbest thing that's ever been said by a college basketball analyst. What was it? That the way to stop court storming is to let them storm, surround them, detain them, and arrest them.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Would kind of rock. Like they're a wild hog. Yeah, arrest them. Arrest them all. What are you guys doing? What are you guys talking about? Just rolling through stuff. Have we seen Mincy today?
Starting point is 00:35:24 No. No, we've saved Mincy. He got me while saved mincey yeah not a bite i've seen him i didn't have a single bite without him talking he's here we've got an air tag he's here you're right next to me watch what happened i can tell how shell-shocked he is he's yeah shell-shocked all we gotta do is say into the mic mince come here because he's he's either watching or he'll have somebody yeah mince come here the uh friday is going to be the mincey Pro Day, which will be incredible. We each have a task for him to do. Yeah, we're going to have differing things for him to do, go through.
Starting point is 00:35:56 Not specifically just sports, but I think a lot of it will be a test of his wit. Possible live animals. I'm so mad I'm going to miss this. Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm going to Miami on Thursday for a bachelor party. Oh. Oh, this is the back-to-back Miami-Perth weekend, right? Oh, wait, you're going to Perth soon.
Starting point is 00:36:15 We might have to move Perth back a week. No, no, no, no. They booked it. This has been booked for months. I know, but there's stand-up involved. You got the Kelsey brothers? He wants to go up to Madison and make people laugh. Oh, okay, you can go up to Madison.
Starting point is 00:36:28 Is that when Sass is going to Madison? Yeah. Is anyone else really sore today? Yeah, really. My chest is crying. Good. I asked KB on the way in, I'm like, how are you feeling? He was like, about what?
Starting point is 00:36:40 He's like, nobody should be sore from this. And I was like, everyone I've talked to besides KB. i struggled getting out of bed max five second exercise but those were hardcore that's the first 18 bench reps i've had in 20 years yeah got it it's the bench press and you did bench more than titus i did i really did i wasn't gonna yeah it was shocking i did i he had 17 and then i did 18 could have done more but but I just stopped at 18 because, you know, it was more than him. Yeah. I also, the weird thing is, you think I just beat him on the bench.
Starting point is 00:37:10 No, I actually ran a faster 35-yard dash than he did. Whoa. Yeah, so. That's impressive. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. He killed me in the combine. And not just him.
Starting point is 00:37:18 If you go look up the standings, he beat me in the combine. And to be honest, you know, you'd think he would stop there, but I actually. Oh, wait, did you beat him? No, yeah, I beat him, actually. How did the scoring work? Because I beat him in three combine. And to be honest, you'd think he would stop there, but I actually... Oh, wait, did you beat him? No, yeah, I beat him, actually. How'd the scoring work? Because I beat him in three of the five disciplines. If you get first place, you get 10, then it just goes down.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Yeah. Oh, yeah, well, that was culturally biased against fat people, the other two. People who can't do math? The vertical leap and then the... Athletics are culturally biased against the obese. Yeah, and then the... They need to change that. They hate my people. And then the three-c are culturally biased against the obese. Yeah. And then the... They need to change that. They hate my people.
Starting point is 00:37:47 And then the three-cone drill was just a disaster. That actually probably will end up happening, though, Nick, what you just said. Yeah. In the future, they'll be like, we're not doing gym class anymore because it's biased towards fat people. Yeah, we're body positive sports league. Yeah. Did you guys see Clay Travis is going after ice cream?
Starting point is 00:38:04 What? What? I saw that he was going after ice cream. He was going after Biden for ice cream. Sherbert? No, this happens all the time. Yeah, but Biden ate ice cream, right? People are too deep into politics. They then will throw out a take that is just so out of the common person's existence.
Starting point is 00:38:22 He was going after Biden, but he was like, what grown man goes and gets ice cream by themselves? It's like, me? I do it all the time. That sounds great. Yeah. I have gotten by. Look at this. I'm not claiming that I'm anti-ice cream. Did he have to release a statement?
Starting point is 00:38:38 Those first two sentences are amazing. He did have to release a statement. Yeah, no, if you have to release a statement saying I'm not going to get ice cream. They're anti-ice cream. I'm not anti-ice cream. No, you are. Stop the quote with that. I'm not claiming that I'm anti-ice cream, but there are hostages. End quote. It's over.
Starting point is 00:38:54 He's anti-ice cream. Is he saying ice cream is a celebratory thing? I don't know what he was saying. He was saying grown men shouldn't eat ice cream. It's an indication that you're not bothered by the era. Yeah, here it is. This was weird. Joe Biden eating ice cream while answering reporter questions about serious issues isn't charming. Okay, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:39:10 Whatever. That's politics. I'm not going to get into it. Do you know grown men who go get ice cream by themselves? I don't. It's very strange. Yes, I do. I know all grown men go get ice cream by themselves.
Starting point is 00:39:20 I do it all the time. I get sprinkles. Also, he's not by himself. Yeah, no, that's true. He's never by himself. There's no way he went by himself. He can't be by himself. He's not allowed to be by himself i do it all the time i get sprinkles also he's not by himself yeah no that's true he's never by himself no way he went by himself he's not allowed to as soon as he said he doesn't fuck though he said the key to good marriage is sex oh that by the way was one of the greatest doug winoy tweets yeah what did he say oh i'll pull it up kyle he's back in a big way yeah doug winoy also the laugh so hard he uh yeah so clay travis is like joe biden says he has sex he's 81 and then doug winoy came over the top let me find it here it is
Starting point is 00:39:51 travis is a joke i'm approaching 80 soon and my sex life is great yes we seniors call can still ejaculate orgasm give head toss a salad have anal and even on occasion we get a kinky two with a little tune in tokyo sex is personal so it's none of your business anyhow orgasm, give head, toss a salad, have anal, and even on occasion we get a kinky two with a little tune in Tokyo. Sex is personal, so it's none of your business anyhow. Tune in Tokyo? What's a tune in Tokyo? I want to know, Brandon.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Just a little tune in Tokyo. Finishing it with sex is personal. Also, I like that anal doesn't fall under the category of kinky. Nor does tossing salad. You you know you got your regular sex acts yeah Doug Winoy's back wait what's tune in Tokyo it's an EP by Green Day what the fuck
Starting point is 00:40:37 what's when Mincy would you like to take my spot no we just need we have like two questions for mincy would have been great if he was holding an ice cream cone standing over there mincy go go go sit in the booth because we don't you're in you're in time out right now go sit in the booth and talk in steven's mic we have a couple questions for you congratulations by the way oh he's not talking did you see the video of him pacing? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:06 No. No. That poker website released a video of Mincy just pacing in between games. Yeah. And kind of like breaking into a sprint every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah, there would be like a hop step that would get to a different gear. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:24 What is it about you Southerners pacing? Because you're a pacer. I don't think that's a Southern thing. I think that's just, you know. First of all, he was playing in a high stakes poker game. Or he's going to win a lot of money. I would have been pacing in that situation too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Well, you pace in every game. We have a gambling stream that when we have money on the line, we pace. We pace. We do pace. And so he was in that environment. Damn, you got bros back right now yeah i had it yesterday i had it yesterday i i thought what he did was fine but that's not my company so mincy um where's your head at right now i scrambled a little bit
Starting point is 00:41:58 you know i felt like yesterday i felt like a whole week with everything that happened uh the thing with poker i mean it's when you hit a lucky card like i hit sunday night when i hit that miracle four to only get eighth is like super disappointing i mean yeah it's like okay moral victory you made the final table the first turn that you played and i got like 15k like that definitely good effort but i need to pull top three and pull 50k out of that thing after i got that lucky sunday night yeah you know but i mean the last two live tourneys i played i got 22nd out of 900 and a thousand dollar tournament san antonio in november and then i got an eighth out of 214 in this so you know that could be a little heat you know yeah feeling feeling some positive momentum on that front so that's good but on it, I mean, with everything that happened yesterday, I felt like I needed to get top three to justify it, and I didn't.
Starting point is 00:42:49 So it didn't. So do you regret it now? I regret not the way I played that hand that got me. Yeah, yeah. You regret not winning. Yeah. I mean, look, I mean, how much poker i play i mean i'm probably gonna get two or three shots like that a year so you gotta close yeah you know but yeah so i'm
Starting point is 00:43:13 gonna emancipate you though we got to talk to your investors yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna free you you're buying his debt i'm gonna buy his debt and then i'm gonna become a 100 backer of ben mince he only i am only the one that backs him. I can't wait to see these negotiations because y'all think I'm like a funny character. Both my backers are like ridiculous characters. Oh, no. Am I getting into a negotiation with three Mintzes? They're not.
Starting point is 00:43:40 They're funny dudes. Can we do the negotiation live on air? We could try to call it. Are you saying it's just two guys? We don't have to do it today. Okay. It's just two guys? Yeah, it's two guys.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Are they brothers? It's just two of my best friends. Definitely not. Are they going to put up a fight, though? Are they going to be okay with it? Well, the thing is they both have a lot of money. And so it'll be funny to see you know they're not like desperate for money so that but will they be upset that i'm trying to buy you no
Starting point is 00:44:12 i think they'll be happy to tell i know one of them's gonna be happy to take it and then the other one like just like loves you know we're like lifelong friends and so he likes just having the action with me so maybe i don't want to do this. So are you taking advantage of it? No, I'm going to be pro-Big Cat. I want Big Cat's money. If you're a life-threatening person. Hold on a second. Got myself in this here. Clip that, clip that.
Starting point is 00:44:38 Dude, I'm getting hot again, too, like I said. I'm feeling something. Well, I don't want to. I think what we should do is I'll negotiate an exit strategy for them so because like it would suck if they're your lifelong friend i don't want to buy them out and then have you win a tournament no that's exactly what we need to happen yes we're gonna have an off ramp where they get something for the next few tournaments there's always a compromise it's just one of my buddies that you're gonna be negotiating with is like maybe the biggest hustler I know on earth.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Who knows? I can't wait to see what he asks for out of you. He might be trying to get Barstool Classic. I don't know what he's going to do. Sorry, Riggsie. But it's going to be really fun. Oh, he wants to run Barstool Classic? He wants the IP.
Starting point is 00:45:18 He's just the type that he's going to, I don't know. I hope we can video the negotiation. Okay. It's really, really funny. Yeah. All right. Have you talked to Dave anymore? By the way, Big Cat, next tournament is Chicago Circuit starts this weekend.
Starting point is 00:45:32 So, like, you're going to be playing in a tournament this weekend? Yeah, yeah. When does that start? It's a $400 buy-in, but it's going to have, like, 3,000 people. It's huge. It ends on Sunday. When does it start was the question start i'd like to play i'd like to play the thursday 5 p.m there's like a night flight thursday and then when would you
Starting point is 00:45:50 play again day two sunday don't we have it oh you don't you play thursday then sunday yeah so you would be here for the pro day oh i'm here for the pro day i feel like no no i'm right brandon we were about to go we were literally about to repeat. We will not be missing the pro day. You have no concerns. Start the pro day. It's like Mincy's 10th in a tournament right now. Is there any chance it goes into Monday? Not this one.
Starting point is 00:46:15 The next weekend one, the Chicago-Maine, which is a huge one. It's a 1700. It's like a quarter mil to first. That one's final tables next Monday. So that could run into Wake Up Mincy. No, Wake Up Mincy's Tuesday. Oh, okay. We're good.
Starting point is 00:46:29 We're back next week, too. Big week next week. Whoa. Yeah, no, we're going all out this week. Oh, you got Kyle, right? Oh, yeah. Kyle's show's coming. Kyle!
Starting point is 00:46:36 I'm not next week. No? No. We didn't schedule. Yeah, no. Yeah, we got to figure that out.'d like planned on the cow the cow show's built up i mean the views are the people want it let's build it up more we have a tough week here boys have you talked to dave anymore mincy what's up have you talked to dave anymore i no um
Starting point is 00:47:03 i owe him a public apology though for sure Oh yeah start it Let's get some background music Yeah we need the music Yeah we did row back and hide in Okay Before you start let me do the game time ad Get your thoughts Mincy for this public apology
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Starting point is 00:48:12 Redeem code YAK for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets. Lowest price guarantee. Okay. You ready? Mints? I think so. I mean, as ready as I'm ever going to be. You ready? Mints? I think so I mean
Starting point is 00:48:28 As ready as I'm ever gonna be Alright That's not true You got it Wrapped Alright Wait look at the music TJ Yeah
Starting point is 00:48:36 Alright Over the weekend And yesterday I pulled a very selfish move All right. Over the weekend and yesterday, I pulled a very selfish move, putting myself above the awesome company that I'm very lucky to work for. And looking back on it, I was completely in the wrong. I'm very lucky to work here, as every single person knows, especially after last year and having a boss that had my back through thick and thin. And that was an ungrateful gesture by me. And I've had some time to process it over the last day. And, you know, I think I maybe mentally justified thinking the money was
Starting point is 00:49:17 so big that it would be okay. But like, it's not about that. I'm lucky to be here and work. And so Dave was in the right, and I was wrong. And I definitely know that. And we need to have a calm, you know, it's time to have a calm for a few months and stay on the right track. And as a gesture of goodwill, I'm certainly not a rich man, but I'm going to donate $1,000 to Miss Peach, the charity, toward Miss Peach's, the thing, the lifeline thing he did with dogs. That is awesome.
Starting point is 00:49:46 It's a great mission. And I'd like to support that. And, you know, I'll try not to put myself above the company again. And that's what I got. But it's act as I say, not as I do. I think we're at a point where words only go so far here. So, but that's what I got. I have a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:50:05 Keep going. A tiny bit more. More? This is about the... How many times have I done something? Relate it. Use metaphors. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Idioms. Idioms? Yeah. Come on, Kyle. Use an idiom. What did you learn? What is an idiom? What did you learn?
Starting point is 00:50:22 Use an idiom. What the hell is an idiom? Use a metaphor. Relate your situation. You were as dumb as what? Compare yourself to somebody else who was in a bad situation. Yeah. But I'm the only one that's always in bad situations.
Starting point is 00:50:36 An idiom is like... Outside of... Oh, in the world. An idiom is like when you say it rains cats and dogs. It's not actually raining cats and dogs. Yeah. Wait, was that breaking news to you yeah
Starting point is 00:50:51 my brain's in a pretzel but I know I screwed up I'm here to take accountability and I really need to try if I'm gonna mess up again at least it needs to be a few months because this has been a bad even my boss that's perfect that was great If I'm going to mess up again, at least it needs to be a few months. Because this has been a bad year.
Starting point is 00:51:06 That's perfect. All right, we're done. That was great. That was great. I mean, no, but like, you know, like, look at back on my Barstool history. Like, look at back. Yeah, just a few months. No, you're good.
Starting point is 00:51:17 You're good. Send the music. That was perfect. Oh, my God. He's going to stay out of trouble for a little bit. Now, one point of clarification I need real quick. You're donating $1,000 to Mrs. Peach's fund. Does that have any relation to the fact that I have recently said I'm 100% backing you? Yes.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Okay. Okay. All right. Good. Awesome. Man, shit. We're going to get done with this show, Mr. Peach. That's your money.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Dan, I need $1,000. Thanks for the donation. Can I get $1,000? I can't be mad if he's honest with me. man we're gonna get done with the show that's your money dan i need a thousand donation i can't be mad if he's honest it hurts it hits me man like money's a relative thing dude you know like i mean i'm i'm not saying i'm like i'm doing fine i'm very grateful to make the living i make but a thousand you know that's that's pretty significant for me all right well mincy thank you get ready for pro day yeah billy football and I are doing a training video for pro day here. Oh, okay. Well, he has no idea what – how are you going to train for something you don't –
Starting point is 00:52:10 I don't even think we know what your pro day is going to entail. I have no idea. I just feel like I'll let Billy – I mean, his mind will come up with something. Okay. I'm sure. And I'm always a guinea pig for that. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:52:20 Great. Big Cat, looking forward to working with you. Yes. Yes. And I'll just – I'll make sure the donation I'll save from Ben Mintz. No, I'm going to pay the donation. Oh, okay. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:52:30 This donation, this is $1,000 out of me. This has nothing. I don't know what the backer, you know, the poker one, this is separate. But if you can hurry up and get your $1,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got you. I got you. No, I'm paying this.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Yeah. For the record. How much was it to play in this poker tournament this weekend? $2,500. The one coming up, I mean. There's a $400 this weekend, and then the main event's a $1,700 next weekend. Yeah, so we got that. So $2,100.
Starting point is 00:52:59 No problem. Get that rolling. Yeah, no problem. We're about to get hot, though, boys. Go ahead and throw that extra time. Mincy, you're liquid. You, no problem. We're about to get hot though, boys. Go ahead and throw that extra pound. You're liquid. You're liquid now. Alright, alright.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Let's get that money, baby. It's the American dream. Oh, man. I'm going to lose so much money back in here. Absolutely brutal music choice. Yeah, the music. I love that turnaround. absolutely brutal music choice dude just filming yeah they switch spots I want this music.
Starting point is 00:53:53 No, this is not to Dave. This is not a phone call to Dave. This music needs to follow him everywhere. This is in the office all the time. Yeah. That was a phone call to a friend being like, you'll never believe what happened. What's
Starting point is 00:54:08 Billy plotting right here? Yeah, I don't know. And the Combine's this or the... Pro Day's Friday. And we have to all come up with an individual event? Yeah, and we'll try to keep the events somewhat short so we can go bang bang through the events. But yeah, it's going to be great.
Starting point is 00:54:23 We'll get his measurables. We might have something on Thursday now. now what what is that smirk you're gonna have to say it if you say it like that i don't like that smirk steven yeah it's good it's a good thing i think popcorn machine has been secured oh it is yes industrial so we're is it? Yes. You figured out where it's going? Yes. Talk to Paige. We're good. They can deliver it as soon as tomorrow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:49 So Thursday, maybe let's do something around. Yeah, we'll do a big unveiling. I want a ribbon. Yeah. Okay. I want a ribbon. Okay. We need giant scissors.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Pretty cool, huh, Francis? Yeah, Francis, you guys. When are you flying? Are you flying back? Are you staying? You just stay I gotta go home not that I would stay
Starting point is 00:55:08 look at the popcorn machine though unveiling on Thursday you don't feel at home out here? you're missing popcorn unveiling? I love it here this is a great thing Steven I'd also like to get a slab of concrete we can all put our hands in
Starting point is 00:55:21 I'd love that I'd have some redemption that'd be nice. I fuck those up every time. How many times have you had the chance to do that? A few times. If there are any concrete workers or people with access to liquid concrete
Starting point is 00:55:35 let's just pay them. We could do hand paint. Concrete is way better. I want a slab with all of our hands in it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's like a puddle right there.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Where are we going to put the slab? Actually, what it should be is the, it should be in front of the popcorn machine. Instead of hands, it should be everyone's popcorn grab. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's a really good idea. Yeah, so it's just like. The tips of our fingers.
Starting point is 00:56:04 Yeah, just like that. Should we make this building Popcorn Hall of Fame? Yeah. Why not? Where is the Popcorn Hall of Fame? There can't be one, right? I'm going to need you to contact Popcorn Hall of Fame and tell them, sorry, we're going to be moving it here. There's a Popcorn Indiana.
Starting point is 00:56:17 I don't know if that has anything to do with that. No. Is there a Popcorn Hall of Fame? If there's not, it's here. It's in Redenbacher, Nebraska. No way. I made that up. Redenbacher. So you don't want to stay for the Popcorn Hall of Fame, if there's not, it's here. It's in Redenbacher, Nebraska. No way. I made that up. So you don't want to stay for the popcorn?
Starting point is 00:56:29 Yeah, look at it. We're going to do the cement. Fingertips. Or grabs. Well, the fingertips will just look like dots, a scatterplot. You probably don't have a grab, do you? No, everyone should probably grab some concrete. Francis would be like a forwarder.
Starting point is 00:56:42 We can do the wax dip that they fill with plaster, and then it's your actual grab and we can put those like glue them to the top. Francis, let me see your grab. We're going to have so much fun. What I like to do is I like to fill a bag and then I grab with my tongue. Oh, so you tongue the
Starting point is 00:56:57 concrete? Yeah. Tongue the concrete. I like that. You go one by one like a lizard. That's how I eat my Dippin' Dots. We can get a stunt tongue in here for you if you're not going to be here. You don't eat Dippin' Dots one by one. Stay one more day. Better make sure that's a big tongue. Let me see.
Starting point is 00:57:13 Long or wide? No, I don't. I'm a grower, not a shop. Let me see. Let's see that tongue. Pretty good. Ooh, Steven, what do you think? Could he do it?
Starting point is 00:57:24 It's good The fact that it can widen it out And it's got the tip It's got the tip Wait yeah what does he have now? There's a tip He's literally breaking down the film of your tongue to eat pussy He's just Daniel Jeremiah
Starting point is 00:57:41 You know it's a wide tongue It's a good tongue. I watched the tape. It's got the tip. The game against Notre Dame, a little bit of questions there, but otherwise they bounce back. As long as it stays out of trouble, the asshole. Really projectable tongue there.
Starting point is 00:58:01 Steven, I actually had a nose job about five years ago to make my nose smaller so that it didn't touch the butthole during the 69 position. That's the only reason you got it. Yeah. The tip of my nose was invasive. That must have been just a brutal realization. Well, for them.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Women get very self-conscious when they feel your nostrils against their rectum it's like the lantern fly steven we should definitely have them just break down all of our tongues i would love like a serious breakdown i don't want it yeah yeah 40-yard dash. Dude, the tongue's a muscle, right? Yeah. Could you, like, get your tongue ripped? Ooh. Could you, like, really strengthen it?
Starting point is 00:58:51 What's the word about the tongue? Is it the strongest muscle? No, I think that's your brain. Fastest healing something? Oh, buddy. I think it's strongest muscle. No, that was your brain. His brain's not a muscle?
Starting point is 00:59:02 You only use 10% of your tongue. Your brain? Yeah, that's what it is. You only use 10% of your tongue. Your brain? Yeah, that's what it is. You only use 10% of your tongue. The tongue is not the strongest muscle. What's the strongest muscle? It's entirely the muscle. It's got to be the...
Starting point is 00:59:13 What is the tongue? And what is the skin? What is the strongest muscle? Skin's an organ. Biggest organ. Biggest organ. Strongest muscle is probably your quad? It said the masseter.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Whatever. What is... It's the masseter brain oh look at me no jaw so close that's a muscle I thought it was a bone I think there's probably muscle that gets it to go
Starting point is 00:59:39 that's still your pussy eating muscles yeah you're right I bet you've got a strong masseter Stephen damn right To move it. That's still your pussy eating muscles. Yeah, you're right. That's true. I bet you've got a strong masseter, Steven. Damn right. Is there workouts that you could do for pussy eating? Just get reps in. Italian hoagies.
Starting point is 00:59:55 It's like basketball. Just roll the balls out, man. We could do this entire combine and we just slowly get Steven to accidentally do eugenics. He has no idea. He doesn't know what that is right now. I know that for a fact. I don't. I know it's commercials on football, but I tune out when those happen. Is that the right word? Yeah, they're not commercials for
Starting point is 01:00:16 eugenics. I know about football. You're thinking of eugenics. It's some type of... You're thinking of Frank Thomas. You're thinking of Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not eugenics. I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Starting point is 01:00:30 Doug Flutie here for genocide. Eugenics is like Nazi shit. Yeah. Trying to like. Selective breeding. Yeah, they're like this race is better scientific. Oh, that's the Frank Thomas thing, right? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:44 No, no. Football commercial. I'm a huge eugenics guy. I've seen the commercials. That would be great. Frank Thomas here with eugenics. Just ripping home runs. We're not called the Black Sox.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Yeah, that's Stephen. There's a good word. Francis, are you nervous about the gauntlet today? No, I'm actually very excited. I didn't know that you guys wanted me to do it, but I'm thrilled.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Can you run me through it? Will I have the directions? Yeah, you'll have Brandon direct you. I think we also have a NASCAR champion going to do it too ryan blaine sketch is here also does sketch know that no i'm just excited it's my oh yeah we don't have to bring that up no we don't have yeah we'll yeah i like sketch it's we we did this it was the guy that we we had a premature assessment it was a it was a generational gap you have to be more specific we it was a stream we brought up on the on on the yak and all the old guys in the room who loved him and the rest of us were like oh the guy he's like playing madden yeah yeah and we didn't get it yeah he stinks
Starting point is 01:02:00 he's here he's beloved he also'm going to give him a second chance. He's on Jerry After Dark tonight. He also came up and they said he's a Brandon Walker fan. His parents went to Mississippi State. Oh, no. I think they're also doing that. They're trying to get us soft because they also were like, he's the biggest Pardon My Take fan.
Starting point is 01:02:20 I think he might just be a big part of it. He was lying? No, I think he's a big fan of all of us so I'm a huge fan of sketch but he actually said the biggest fan of all of his haters yeah no we don't hate him we didn't get it we didn't get it that we get it yes yeah yeah we don't we get it we definitely don't hate him once we get it that's right once we get it if somebody's in person we get it then because we're big pussyussies. We get it. Right. Right. I think it's going to be great tonight with Jerry. Amuk, you're really enjoying this. It's actually, it was TJ's fault.
Starting point is 01:02:50 He gave us bad clips. Yeah, it was TJ's fault. Ah, no. No. You guys didn't get it. You guys are old. You didn't give us anything to get. You guys are old.
Starting point is 01:03:00 Yeah. I am. Should we have Sketch do the gauntlet, too? The Chad has been demanding he come on, even though last time they yelled him into oblivion. The Chad is fickle like that. They're fickle guys. He's praised en masse.
Starting point is 01:03:17 I don't see any bad words about him. I love him. He's a successful young man. I love him. I get it. Oh, the Madden guy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he was awesome. Fucking Mook and TJ didn't like him. Yeah. I get it. Oh, the Madden guy? Yeah. Oh, he was awesome. Fucking Mook and TJ didn't like him.
Starting point is 01:03:27 Yeah, that's right. Right. Because he plays, because he does, he plays the Madden. Mook and TJ were like, fuck this guy. He kind of does the other thing. Yeah. Yeah, that guy's hilarious. So TJ, you're saying the chat is now all about, they take back what they said?
Starting point is 01:03:43 They've been demanding he come on. Make them take back what they said in the past. Take back the L's. I accused them of L's and now they're giving them L's. They can't have them if they're going to L's. Sounds like the chat is a little fickle. No. No way. So we
Starting point is 01:03:59 have possibility of three gauntlets today? I think so. We haven't done one in a while. I've never seen one in person yet. Oh, yeah, that's right. And Gia smoked it. That's right. Yep.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Kate, when do you think you'll physically be able to do it? Give me a month. Okay. Give me a month. No way it's going to be in a month. No way. Hopefully. Give me two months.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Give me a year. Yeah, give me a year. Give me a year. Give me a year. Julio did it. Titus-TJ combination looks pretty sick. It looks like just Titus has an eye patch. Oh, so you're going for the New York record.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Is there? Okay. Yeah, Gia. I mean, Gia's pretty. All right. That's going to be tough, Francis. Yeah, well, she's always told me that she was incredibly good at basketball and all that. She was good at all of them.
Starting point is 01:04:46 Yeah. We should. We should have had G and Kelly competing yesterday. We should have done that. That would have been fun. In the combine? Yeah. Kelly Keeks?
Starting point is 01:05:04 Yeah, because it would have been funny if they had out-penched Clemmer. Clemmer was the all-star. What happened? So good. Did you have the Clemmer highlight tape? He's the best. One of my favorite guys. He's a great dude.
Starting point is 01:05:19 When Hank brought me the list, I was like, Clemmer has to be here because I just want to watch him. And he did not disappoint. No. That bench was – When he sat down on that bench and that bench all of a sudden looked like it was gigantic. You saved a life yesterday.
Starting point is 01:05:31 When you spotted him, he raised with the – I know. I know. I was nervous when he got under the bar. Yeah, here we go. Good run. Bang. I think Nick said he made the bench press look like a king-size bed.
Starting point is 01:05:45 He made the bench look like a king-size bed. There's his bench. Looking at the photos, too, on Twitter, I was like, have these been Photoshopped or is this real? Also, did we make him go first? He did. He's down for whatever, man. Dude, he's the man.
Starting point is 01:06:01 He's the best. Bang. Bang. Bang. He actually did really well in the QB challenge. Oh, yeah. He didn't come in dead last. No. This looks like the pro day for like a seven-foot Lithuanian kid that's trying to play basketball.
Starting point is 01:06:18 Yeah, and he has to grow into his body. Yeah. Yeah, I think he had two on the bat. Dude, sniper. Yeah. He was big morale-wise, too. Like, during the bench press, he was one of, like, the top guys that was, like, yelling, like, one more rep. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:34 Like, he was very loud. Can we go to him on the bench? Yeah. The still? Yeah. Because I got to give the man his flowers. Big dick. Oh!
Starting point is 01:06:48 Word! No, Clem. Word! Uh-huh. It actually, if you look at this picture, it actually looks like we're sending him to death. Like, he's like... He's like Giles Corey.
Starting point is 01:07:02 He's going to the guillotine, and he's staring at me like, well, against the stick, guys. Or weight. I also had to tell him to reset because he got under there, and his head was resting completely against my penis. And I was like, hey, man. I need to spot you. That's where he gets his power. My dick is on your forehead he's gonna get all his power from your penis
Starting point is 01:07:30 he absorbs tea by touching like Rogue from X-Men he's tea bagging him he's trying to get reps up he's electric he is that was a fun day though yesterday that was really fun
Starting point is 01:07:43 anything when we get everyone together And I can't wait for when we do that again Nick and KB This fucking idea that you guys had That I've gotten roped into Sorry We're gonna be driving go-karts on this court For three days
Starting point is 01:07:58 Yep 70-ish hours is what the math is Some twists and twists along the way This is on Monday? Some speech This is this on Monday? Some speech. This is this coming Monday? It's PAX month, maybe? I think it might be next month.
Starting point is 01:08:11 So you need a month or two to destroy yourself again? I don't know. We've got to figure out the date, but yeah. Do the Indy 500. We're doing the Daytona. Oh, yeah. We could do it the weekend of the Indy 500. The Indy 500 is in May.
Starting point is 01:08:24 Yeah, we're doing the Daytona 500. Oh, yeah. We could do it the weekend of the Indy 500. Indy 500's in May. Yeah, we're doing the Daytona 500 on the course. But I think every 1,000 subs, they're going to add a literal speed bump. That was my idea. I'm sorry about that. They did the math. It's 9,000 laps. Jesus. And so if we get something that's like 10 miles an hour,
Starting point is 01:08:41 it's going to be like 77. And we won't get something that's like because there's turns and stuff yeah oh god so i think it's like teams though so yeah i'll mook is pit crew upft and max yeah yeah also mine's gonna go slow because i go karts it really is just like how heavy you are i don't know that but i think we're going to try to think of twists and turns like like mario kart weapons and yeah and like stages and stuff yeah just so there's different things you could win along the way yeah but yeah that's gonna be horrific i think you should be able to win rest in stages so like you could if you win a stage you get 50 laps but i also think it's funny if none of us sleep yeah We're just driving go-karts on 70 hours of no sleep.
Starting point is 01:09:26 Yeah. Or we get wasted. Ooh. Or we get blacked the fuck out. Yeah, as a punishment, one of us has to do three shots of Everclear. Yeah, if you crash your go-kart, we don't have extras, so then you're out. You got to go to the pit crew. Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:09:46 That's going to be fun. Yep. That's going to be fun. We'll have popcorn. It'll be electric ones or are you going to go diesel? Let's go diesel. What's Mincy got? What does he have?
Starting point is 01:09:59 Mincy, what is that? It's like a taco made out of a plate. That's a sphere. Chef Donnie's cooking. Show us the plate. Come here, Mincy. He's using the's like a taco made out of that plate. That's a sphere. Chef Donnie's cooking. Show us the plate. Come here, Betsy. He's using the plate as a taco. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:10:10 What is that? Fucking heaping. I'll take it. You know what it is. Yeah, I'll take it. KB's hungry. Oh! Not his plate, boy. Not his plate boy not his plate brandon we do the last ad rent app i fucking love to do the last ad do it today we got something truly special for all the renters and landlords out
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Starting point is 01:11:43 And if you're a landlord, go to rent.app slash landlord to get paid on time and without hassle. Speaking of housing, I have an interesting development. Oh! My house. Your big house. My very, very large house. We're closed.
Starting point is 01:11:59 We got a letter put in the mailbox. It was not mailed. Uh-ohiled oh names written on it was you know right names on the outside put in the mailbox wait are your current house your name no it was both of ours okay yeah okay uh open the letter it is from the people who sold the house to us they would like the house back what and the guy wrote a letter basically saying can i like nope i do he gave you a no he's like uh my bad we didn't want we actually didn't want to sell it can we have our house back and the obvious move is to say well too bad fuck you but now i'm a little worried about the
Starting point is 01:12:48 idea of this guy like badly wanting my house he knows where you live he knows where i live yeah but mark how financially how bad does he want it back that's right if he wants to pay a lot are you living there yeah yeah i've lived there for a month. I closed a month ago. Yeah. If he wants to pay double. That's what I said. But the number he threw out is like, we'd give you a little money for your trouble. And it was. It's a lot of trouble.
Starting point is 01:13:15 It was a lot of trouble. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I'm trying to figure. I haven't responded yet. This was last week. I feel like I'm starting to get to the zone where I need to say something. But I don't really know what to. You got to respond. need to say something, but I don't really know what to...
Starting point is 01:13:25 You've got to respond. Yeah, I don't know what to tell him. Was it a sob story he gave? No, so my understanding, they moved to Wisconsin, so they were selling the house to move to Wisconsin. When we were buying the house, we were trying to... I didn't want to buy it. They were in a hurry.
Starting point is 01:13:43 They were like, we want to speed this process up. And I was like, well, we're looking to buy in April because I in a hurry they were like they're like we got we want to speed this process up and i was like well we're looking to buy in april because i wanted to wait till the college basketball season was over and they said we can't wait that long we need to sell this house immediately we got to get this off our hands can you do a 30-day close and i was like that's fucking insane which is why when you're on mostly sports i was like i money's weird right now because like 30-day close was crazy. Yeah. Very, very motivated to get rid of it. So we finally, like, made it work.
Starting point is 01:14:12 And then, like, 30 days after we closed, he's like, remember when I was in a hurry to get rid of this thing? He wants it back? They want the house back, yeah. But he didn't give any of it back? He has no, I mean, they have no legal force, obviously. But it wasn't mailed, so they drove from Wisconsin. They drove from Wisconsin. Oh, he came in person to tell you?
Starting point is 01:14:26 He left a letter? He wrote a letter, put it in my mailbox. Does he have your number? No. Was it a kind letter? Yeah, it was just kind of like, we think we want to move back to the city. He only gave it a month. He gave it a month.
Starting point is 01:14:40 And part of the problem with it, too, is he obviously likes it. I'm worried that if he doesn't get our – we're not selling the house back to him. Well, no. As your agent, let me just say we absolutely are open to selling the house back. I got barstools coming in June. Yeah, but that's okay. There's a price.
Starting point is 01:15:02 You can have them. There's a price. You don't want to be a dude who badly wants your house. That's what I'm saying. I don't want the guy to buy the house around the corner because he likes the neighborhood, and then I have to see him every single day just walking past my house plotting how to get the house back. Knows every inch of it.
Starting point is 01:15:20 He's lusting for your house. It's fucking crazy. So that's the situation I'm dealing with. Start to a crime. I think you need to just do, I think you need to respond. Respond and throw out a crazy number. Yeah. Double. Maybe double and a half.
Starting point is 01:15:35 There is a number. There's a number. I would sell my house right this second if someone gave the right number. Have you ever heard of such a thing? No. if someone gave the right number. Have you ever heard of such a thing? That's a fun later saying. And if he's willing to make that request in the first place and drive there to give you a note, he's capable of some hate. We were trying to figure out what this guy's situation is.
Starting point is 01:15:57 Is he rich? Is he not rich? I was like, this feels like rich behavior. This feels like a guy that's never been told no. And he's like, I don't know. We'll just buy it back. He's rich now if you bought his house. This feels like a guy that's never been told no, and he's like, I don't know, we'll just buy it back. He's rich now if you bought his house. He's got a family?
Starting point is 01:16:09 He's got one young kid and a wife. I think he's on the lam. If he left, he needed to get out immediately, and then maybe something's blown over to where he can come back. Maybe there's something hidden. There's money in your house. There is money in your house. There's a million dollars cash in your house. There might be's money in your house there is money in your house whoa there's a million dollars cash in your house whoa there might be a bible in your house there's a lot
Starting point is 01:16:30 there's something in your house we forgot we forgot to dig out the book oh my god nazi memorabilia that we buried behind the brick wall that's the only thing that would really justify i gotta get the attic and something's there stuff over yeah There might be a body in the backyard. Could be a body, yeah. Yeah. Titus, how long do you think, so he dropped the letter off. He drove down from Wisconsin. How long do you think he stood out there staring at his house?
Starting point is 01:16:54 Oh, God. I should say your house, not his house, but it is his house. And I bet you he went in front of it and sighed. Yeah. Touched it. Yeah. Hello, old friend. Are you 100% sure he doesn't have a key to any of the doors? No. Can't be. Yeah, he should probably change the locks. Yeah. Touched it. Yeah. Hello, old friend. Are you 100% sure he doesn't have a key to any of the doors?
Starting point is 01:17:06 No. Can't be. Yeah, you should probably change the locks. Yeah. Yeah. I should probably do that, yeah. Because you've got to protect that money that you now have somewhere. That's true.
Starting point is 01:17:15 With any part of the letter, he's like, yeah, this is crazy, but. He did say that, yeah. He was like, I don't know your situation um and apologies if this is overstepping some bounds but you can reach me at this number now what if this guy's just call him titus right now because this guy did rush you into buying his house right oh and now he's trying to do takebacks right he might just kind of kind of be out No, I think KB's right. KB might be on his way. My initial thought was he's just like a rich dude that's like,
Starting point is 01:17:51 just get whatever he wants. But how does that explain him trying to get out as fast as possible? I don't know. That is. He's just offering you like a standard service fee. Yeah. He said, well, buy it back for what you paid for it. Plus $200.
Starting point is 01:18:04 Plus we'll throw in a little money for your trip I think a rich guy would offer way more I was going through the troubles and I was like this is a lot of aren't there a lot of troubles selling fees buying a house fucking sucks
Starting point is 01:18:17 that's what but if you could get what you need to do is you need to just go back on Zillow find like your dream dream house and be like, this is the place. If we can get enough money for this house. Yeah, right. You can buy me that house. Buy me that house.
Starting point is 01:18:32 Yeah, right. We'll do a swap. But then he's going to want that one. That's true. That man forever is in your life. Oh, he's going to want that one. What if you just rent him a couple rooms? Yeah, he could just move in.
Starting point is 01:18:43 You can't let him in the house. He could move in. I would offer him that. Rent him a couple rooms. Yeah, how about you live with us? You've got to out-weird this guy. Yeah, be like, yeah, you can live with us, but we're going to want to legally adopt your kid as well.
Starting point is 01:19:02 The paranoia is going crazy, too too because since we got this letter, this was last week, we have had two sets of neighbors come over and introduce themselves, which by itself, not that crazy. And they're very kind people. They brought bottles of wine. They're like, we live around the corner.
Starting point is 01:19:15 If you ever need anything. I mean, like if I wasn't paranoid, I would say the weather is getting nicer. People are getting out more. They're just trying to say, you know, we saw you moved in, but it was cold. Now it's not. We thought we'd drop off a bottle of wine.
Starting point is 01:19:29 Now I'm wondering, is he asking them to come fuck with me somehow? Or like go scout. Poisoned wine. Don't drink the wine. Don't drink the wine. Or like go, hey, can you run over and check out the new neighbor and give me your scouting report? This is remarkable paranoia on your part.
Starting point is 01:19:47 Or the neighbors are coming over because they also know something's hidden in there. They want to get an invite to your house. They're like, hey, we'll look after it if you've got a spare set of keys. Can we have a scavenger hunt at your house? Yeah, we should probably. We should do a treasure hunt. We can keep whatever we find. I'll give like 40% of whatever you find.
Starting point is 01:20:07 Okay. I'm just going to find all your shit. You're going to have to buy it back. I found this bed. This is Mike Conley autographed jersey. I got 40% of that. Who is this woman in your house? Oh, man.
Starting point is 01:20:22 That is wild. That's so weird. Yeah. I will update you As I get I think we need to start As a team Start negotiating
Starting point is 01:20:30 On your behalf You might need to share That guy's number Was it just the guy That signed the letter Yeah Yeah Alright so
Starting point is 01:20:37 Affair with neighbor Blew over He wants to come back Neighbor's coming in To check Coming back for pussy He's coming back for pussy Yeah There's pussy hidden In the house over, he wants to come back. Aver's coming in to check. Coming back for pussy? He's coming back for pussy.
Starting point is 01:20:47 There's pussy hidden in the house. Once again, Mark, if he if you say double it and he says yes, you have to sell him. Yeah, I do. Yeah. But you would for double. Yeah, we love the house. We absolutely love it. But at the same time, I mean, if you can. If you make that much money off a month. A ton of money in a
Starting point is 01:21:03 month. Yeah, you have to do it. I think we need to go good cop, bad cop. You need to, if you can. If you make that much money off a month. A ton of money in a month. Yeah. You have to do it. I think we need to go good cop, bad cop. You need to, if you want me to just start making crazy offers to him. Yeah. I'm willing to. And then you could be like, listen, that guy, he's just a crazy worker of mine. Maybe we'll do a little less. We'll do a little bit less.
Starting point is 01:21:20 Yeah. You should get a gun. A little bit. Seriously, you should get a gun. No, I would get like cameras. I'd be a little bugged out. Yeah, I'd be a little bit seriously you should get a gun no i would get like cameras i'd be a little bugged out yeah i'd be a little creepy i want to know the story so bad i want to know yeah i would bet like ask the neighbor ask around hey yeah yeah was this guy an asshole what was this guy's deal you gotta do your own recon now you gotta go on the offensive
Starting point is 01:21:38 have you changed anything in the house uh structurallyurally, no. Like painting? We haven't painted anything. You should paint because then maybe the only way out of this is if you change enough in the house and then you invite him in
Starting point is 01:21:53 and you're like, look, it's not your house. Paint the outside of the house. He won't even know what neighborhood he's in. Oh, camouflage. Camouflage the house. Camouflage.
Starting point is 01:22:01 Paint like a tunnel like Wile E. Coyote. Works every time. He's going to come. He's going to run into the house. I'm not going to see it there. Have you seen that episode of Curve where the woman who used to own his house just keeps coming in and getting mad that he hasn't watered the plants?
Starting point is 01:22:19 He comes in and just starts watering all the plants. Wait, Kyle just sent us a text. Oh, no. That was from you, TJ. Yeah, not me. Tim Hitchings said, Tune in Tokyo was you take both your hands and put them on the women's breasts. Oh, that is kinky.
Starting point is 01:22:39 Now, TJ, walk us through this text. Because there's only two breasts that Tim Hitchens is putting his hands on. Is Toon in Tokyo treating the nipples as dials? I think so. Can I have an excuse for this conversation? I need to take time off now. I didn't know Tim Hitchens had that dog in him. Two titties at once?
Starting point is 01:23:02 At one time. When do you think TJ Tim realized he has two hands and your mom has two breasts? And he was like, well, that's perfect. Yeah, TJ. I'm going to kill myself. We did say two breasts is the perfect number of breasts. It is. It is.
Starting point is 01:23:19 Might be the perfect pairing in the world. Rick Riley taught us that. He said it'd be like adding a third boob to Kate Upton. Wow. Remember that tweet? That's poetic. What was his message, though? I can't remember. If she kept the third boob on the lower back, like a Jeep spare tire? Al Bundy would've went on the back for dancing.
Starting point is 01:23:36 Oh, yeah. For dancing. Oh, back? Yeah. Do we think one mega titty would be bad? You think of one titty, you always think of one missing. You can't titty five. Adding Kevin Durant to a Warriors team that already had Curry plus Thompson is like giving Kate Upton a third breast.
Starting point is 01:23:53 Nothing appealing about it. That doesn't work at all. They won two championships. And they dominated. Titus, I don't think you can improve the titty. Yeah. I wasn't arguing for it. I was just trying to think through it. Spit they dominated. Titus, I don't think you can improve the titty. Yeah. I wasn't arguing for it.
Starting point is 01:24:08 I was just trying to think through every iteration. Spitballing. What about a little tit underneath the chin? That's an Adam's apple. That's a dude. Oh, God, yeah. Adam's apple is just a little tit. I think that's what you convince yourself after sleeping with a chick with an apple. That was just a little titty.
Starting point is 01:24:22 Dude, I slept with this girl. She had three tits. Yeah, the dick's just a titty. Dude, I slept with this girl. She had three tits. One titty. Yeah, the dick's just a titty. Maybe a boob like right, like you pull up your, it's like right here. I would love a boob on the palm. Yeah. Nice to meet you.
Starting point is 01:24:41 Yeah, touching tits. That would be nice. Yeah. You put a little bra on it. How would that woman clap? How would that woman open doors? That'd be kind of cool. How would that woman open doors?
Starting point is 01:24:53 Women should never open doors, my friend. That's right. On your calves. How would they cook? Now you've got it. Genius. All right, so Sketch is going to come down. Francis, do you want to start? Sure. Brandon, do you want to help? All right, so Sketch is going to come down. Francis, do you want to start?
Starting point is 01:25:06 Sure. Brandon, do you want to help? No? No, I'll always help. I'll help. Also, we have those air tags. I don't know when you want to fix those to Mincy. Yeah, we need that soon because he's about to leave. Yeah, how do we set these up?
Starting point is 01:25:20 TJ, you're going to do this. Okay. I have a Mac back here. I think I can link that to that, right? Perfect. I don't know how air tags work. I think so. Che, you're gonna do this okay I have a Mac back here I think I could link that to that right perfect I don't know how air tags well I think so all right Che you're in my head dude he's texting me behind the scenes telling me my undies are showing he said that he said undies are showing he said undies Che Poki Reese is doing the opening day parade for the Reds
Starting point is 01:25:49 I should probably go that's a no brainer have you guys seen the Willy Wonka exhibit that's tricking people yes I have they used AI art to have people go to this immersive Willy Wonka experience and it's been so misleading
Starting point is 01:26:06 that multiple people have called the cops. You need to see the actual photos of the Willy Wonka exhibit. It's in Scotland, I think. Maybe Germany, but it is so fucking funny. The way they market it is with fake pictures. AI art. This is what the exhibit
Starting point is 01:26:22 looks like. It's a full Willy Wonka chocolate factory immersive experience. Then you walk in and it's like a poster on the wall like It's a full Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory immersive experience And then you walk in it's like a poster on the wall And a woman with a green wig The same thing happened here So fucking funny What's up Sketch What's up man
Starting point is 01:26:38 Oh Oh A lot of hands I did already tap up Sketch sit on down Good to meet you man A lot of hands. A lot of hands. I did already dap up. Sit on down. Good to meet you, man. Thanks for coming in.
Starting point is 01:26:51 Thank you for having me. This is awesome. Yeah. So Mook didn't really understand your videos. Oh, don't do this. Don't do this. Thank you for being here. Are you excited for Jerry After Dark? I'm very excited.
Starting point is 01:27:04 I'm worried about Jerry's play, but we're going to be good. What do you mean? He says he hasn't played. Oh, you guys are playing Madden. Make you a little nervous. Yeah, we're trying to win a Super Bowl. Oh, shit. We've got to win four straight.
Starting point is 01:27:15 Oh, my God. Do you know some Jerry After Darks go on for days? Oh, I know. It might be. It might be. Wait, push this a little closer. Wait, so what's the – so you're trying to win four Super Bowls? Are you simming the season and then just going to the playoffs?
Starting point is 01:27:30 We're playing four, and then we're kind of doing our own – it's not like a Madden setting, so it's going to be – Sorry, that was too close. There you go. Yeah, sorry. So, yeah, what is the – tell us because we want to preview it. We're playing – okay, so we're going to play four games. You got to win four games, and then the last game is the same.
Starting point is 01:27:49 You want to win how many? You got to win four straight, okay? Got it. That's what we're going to do. Good work. It's going to be fun, and you're going to play on the same team. Yes, sir. You quarterback, Jerry what?
Starting point is 01:27:59 I'm not sure yet. I got to see what Jerry looks like out there. We got to run some practice. How do you get in contact or even get to know Jerry? DM dms love it that's how jerry does a lot of his business social media yeah um and now we we have a we have a yak gauntlet that we do you don't have to do it but we're gonna have francis do it right now and if you think you want to give it a try you can okay i'm down all right okay yes everything love that. Fucking love that. This is dog. So your typical day-to-day is you're streaming Madden. I'm a full-time esports.
Starting point is 01:28:30 No, I'm just kidding. Well, I'm an athlete before esports. Love that. That's kind of what we do here. Sorry, a little new to this podcast. I'm pretty sick here. You're doing great. You play with famous athletes,
Starting point is 01:28:46 celebrities. Who are some of your favorites? Fontes Perfect is one of my best friends. Great guy. Does Jerry know that? Don't believe half of what you read. Wait, does Jerry know that? Oh, no. Does Jerry know that? I think he does. I think he does. Is that the clip where you
Starting point is 01:29:01 refrain from saying the N-word? Yes, I did. Thank you. All right. Thank you. Good work. Thank you for your service. Better than some of us here, yeah. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:29:10 No, it's not here. It's not here. Well, here, Mincy's here. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Francis, you ready? Yeah. All right, so, Sketch, you got to get one cornhole.
Starting point is 01:29:23 You got to get one bag in. And you got to go score a goal on Malasek. Then you've got to hit a home run, hit a body armor bottle over with a football, 3-point, 3-point, and then Sporkle. You'll watch, and you'll let us know. Sporkle just being general trivia, you have to get 10 out of, like, 50. Yeah. What's the record here?
Starting point is 01:29:42 I have it. It's like. Oh, you have it. Oh, is it you that has it also i should say that i didn't invent this game but yeah i have it and i yeah i have the record evil mr beast all i do is take here so yeah yeah that'd be mine you are like evil mr beast exactly yeah you want the rafters or something? Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes, we do. All right. TJ, you ready? I am. All right.
Starting point is 01:30:08 Here we go. Three, two, one, go. Multipack. Come on, Francis. Oh, it's over. That's a wrap. Done. Oh, good night.
Starting point is 01:30:19 Oh, my God. No, no. Get it in. Ellis. There it is. Yay. There it is. Yay. Here we go. I think he's going to be good at this.
Starting point is 01:30:28 He's got a light, easy jog. Oh, that was reckless. Malice. Stop, Malice. He's so back. Oh. Oh, he got it in. Home run.
Starting point is 01:30:45 No. One hand. Home run. No. One hand. Ceiling. Getting a lot of ceiling. He's trying to bring it down a little. There. Has this been the hardest one for most people? This is definitely the football.
Starting point is 01:30:59 Football. Oh, we got a new football. Oh, he hit it. Oh, Brandon's saying maybe football. Oh, he hit it. Oh, Brandon's saying maybe not. That hit. Okay. Oh, no, you don't have to rebound.
Starting point is 01:31:12 You got a rack. You got the rack for a reason. Oh. I think a guy, his intellect would figure that one out. Come on, Francis. Oh, my Lord. He's got a good time. No.
Starting point is 01:31:27 This is falling apart. Air. No. Sketch, you beating this? Oh, this is locked. This is already too much time here. Oh, my goodness. He's going to run out of balls.
Starting point is 01:31:45 Francis went to Harvard, too. D1 athlete. He's got to be out of balls. Francis went to Harvard, too. D1 athlete. He's got to be falling apart inside. Oh, this is getting bad. This is going to set him spiraling. He's going to think about this the whole way home. Sweaty hands. He's going with a different angle. First one to do that.
Starting point is 01:31:58 Oh, jeez. The camera's slowly dying. He's missing that too. Yay! Roll it. Now do all that again. Usually, still under two minutes.
Starting point is 01:32:12 We'll get this one right away. There's no crying in the gauntlet. He's in his head. Yeah. This is what we do it for though. Because this is pathetic. So he'll, though. This is pathetic. He'll No.
Starting point is 01:32:30 Come on, Francis. He's going different angles. Sketch, the odds of you beating Cam Newton's time is very high as well. What's his time? He's low. Yeah. Okay. This is Francis' eighth best sport, we should just remind everyone. I'm cooking here.
Starting point is 01:32:46 Cam Newton, 456. 456 for Cam. What was Edelman? Oh, he's airballing. Kate, we can't have sympathy during golf. All right, here we go. Trivia, trivia. Sit in tight as a seat so you can see.
Starting point is 01:32:59 Edelman, 323. All right, trivia time. Sporkle, pull it up. Do I have to listen? You did great. All right, here we go. You should need 10. 10, any of these. All right. Trivia time. Sporkle, pull it up. Do I have to listen? You did great. All right. Here we go. You should need 10.
Starting point is 01:33:07 10. Any of these. Any category. Entourage. Nice. Hiroshima. Nagasaki. Nagasaki.
Starting point is 01:33:19 Eight highest grossing coffee chains. Cafe chains. 2019. That should be easy. I'm not even. Ernie Els, Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer. Illinois. California. New York. uh illinois california um new york florida um terminator terminator 2
Starting point is 01:33:55 uh kindergarten cop uh time. 347. 347. The threes killed me. It's tiring, isn't it? Those threes were tough. You know, in fairness, this is going to sound like an excuse. Obviously it is. I'm so sore from yesterday that I couldn't even tell how far away the basket was. Yeah. Let's see where you're at. Okay.
Starting point is 01:34:23 There's always. All right. Above Che. Above Taylor LeJuan. Below me. Above Che. Above Taylor LeJuan. Below me. Above Will. Above Julio. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:31 Not bad. Not good. I mean, I went through the whole rack of basketballs. This is the beauty of the gauntlet is that as soon as you pull up the leaderboard, you can always find a name. You're like, yeah, I beat them. You beat Kim. You beat Hank.
Starting point is 01:34:43 You beat Kim. That's as bad as it gets. No, no, yeah, I beat them. You beat Kim. You beat Hank. You beat Kim. That's as bad as it gets. No, no, no. I beat Francis. You beat Mintz. Mikey Pavs. Zach Shalcross. Barstool.
Starting point is 01:34:53 Barstool. KB. Tim Woods in a cape. Delaney Walker. Stu Feiner. Jeff D. Lowe. Yeah, at least you weren't Jeff D. Lowe. The three was really hard.
Starting point is 01:35:02 I couldn't even come close. I must have shot 25 threes. All right. You ready? I'm ready. I'm ready here. Go, Sketch. Ready here.
Starting point is 01:35:11 Game time. All right. Right now? Locked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many? Just one. And then also, Sketch, the one thing we didn't tell you is after you shoot those three balls
Starting point is 01:35:21 in soccer, you can shoot from anywhere. I got to make just one goal. Yeah, you just got to make one. But after you shoot the three that are sitting in place, you can shoot from anywhere. I've got to make just one goal. Yeah, you've got to make one. But after you shoot the three that are sitting in place, you can shoot from anywhere. Okay. All right. I like how supportive you guys are. It is nice.
Starting point is 01:35:32 Everyone's kind of like, settle down, you know, try to. Well, it goes in waves. It's usually like, you know, when you start, if you go too fast, you're like, eh, I don't know. And then when it gets pathetic, we're like, ah, this. Help this person. Yeah. Yeah. We've changed Sporkle. We're very helpful in Sporkle. Yeah. then when it gets pathetic we're like ah this help this person yeah yeah we've we've we've uh
Starting point is 01:35:45 we've changed sporkle we we're very helpful in sporkle yeah not be unless somebody's about to beat your record then i shut up and i pull the plug on the show i tell them not right yeah yeah i hope i actually of all the people have gone sketch beating my record would rule that'll be cool that would be awesome yeah i want kate to beat the record. All right, Brandon, you're going to have to help Sketch here. I'll get it. I've been doing corn all the time or two. All right. You ready, TJ?
Starting point is 01:36:12 Let's go, Sketch. Come on, Sketch. I have a good feeling about this. Brandon will walk you through it all. I had a horrible microphone mishap with him. I would scoot it back, but then he would lean forward. It was going on for too long. He didn't notice. I had a missed dap with him. I would scoot it back, but then he would lean forward. It was going on for too long. Got all the bags on the floor to start.
Starting point is 01:36:27 I had a missed dap as well. You missed the dap? I missed the dap. Alright, ready? Alright, here we go. Start with the bags on the ground. Start with the bags on the ground. Here we go. 3, 2, 1, go! Money.
Starting point is 01:36:43 So close. Put his headphones on. Money. Oh. So close. Come on. Put his headphones on. He's focused. There we go. Go, go, go. Cocker. Here we go. Sketch.
Starting point is 01:36:51 Oh. Oh. Laser. Shit. Oh. Oh. Not bad. Got it.
Starting point is 01:36:58 Got it. Go, go, go, go, go. Go. Check. Uber. Here we go. Sketch. Oh. Check. Uber. Here we go. Woo.
Starting point is 01:37:07 Oh. Okay. Oh, he can move. The headphones are off. Oh. Hot one. Hot one. Rocked me.
Starting point is 01:37:13 Right in. Hell of a callback. He is really winding up. Woo. Oh. Come on, sketch. That's defying physics. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:21 Football. So close. Football sketch. Oh, he got it. There it is. Take your headphones. Oh, shit. Oh, damn's go! So close. Football sketch. Oh, he got it. There it is. Take your headphones. Oh, shit. Oh, damn.
Starting point is 01:37:28 That's so close. That's got a fucking gun. That was a dart. Oh. Oh, no. Oh. Lock in. Football's the toughest one.
Starting point is 01:37:38 Which one can take people the longest? Football. Football. Because it tires you out chasing after it. And it just gets frustrating as all hell. Well, how many threes? Oh, there. Oh. Oh, got it! Yeah. Football. Because it tires you out chasing after it. And it just gets frustrating as all hell. Well, how many threes? Oh, got it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:49 Yep. How many threes did Jeff miss? Like 100. 72. 77. All right. He's trying to call a shot. He has a good arc.
Starting point is 01:37:58 An extreme arc. Watch the cornhole. It's going out of frame. Watch the cornhole board behind you when you make it. Oh. He's going out of frame. Watch the cornhole board behind you when you make it. Oh. He's going for the bank. Oh. What's that one?
Starting point is 01:38:10 New angle. New angle. Oh. Spade away. Way high. Oh. He's still under two minutes. You're crushing it, Sketch.
Starting point is 01:38:25 Oh, man. Here we go. I feel like that one not going in is going to haunt them. They're getting higher and higher. Oh, my God. Here we go. Yes, Sketch. That's all right. That's all right. Bang. Get in. Come on. Get in. You're still at a good time. All right. Is it two minutes? Just hit two minutes. Oh, that looked good. That might be it.
Starting point is 01:38:49 Step back. I love his confidence. That's a good freeze frame. I'm a big Sketch fan now. A little to the right. Yeah, I love this tactic. Oh, nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:02 Get in. Get in. There you go, Sketch. Trivia, trivia, trivia. Trivia. All right, Sketch. Yeah. Get in, get in, get in. There you go, Sketch. Trivia, trivia, trivia. Trivia. All right, Sketch. One member. Oh, seven cities with three total teams from the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL.
Starting point is 01:39:14 Seven cities with three total teams from the NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL. 13 NFL players with the most career sacks. Oh, my God. New York. Yeah. Wait, my God. New York. Yeah. Wait, what is this question? Maybe exactly three. Answer the first one.
Starting point is 01:39:32 Exactly three? Oh, it might be exactly three. Exactly three. Try Atlanta. I'm about to lose this here. All right, try Atlanta. Atlanta. Where's the question?
Starting point is 01:39:41 Yeah, there we go, Atlanta. It's exactly three teams. Is this one? No, no, no. You can do all of them. Any of them. You can do any. One member of Jack asked to flatten penis between two sheets of plexiglass.
Starting point is 01:39:53 Yeah, I have another one. One member of Jack asked to flatten penis between two sheets of plexiglass. Somebody give him a mic. That's Steve-O. Steve-O. Steve-O. It might be Pontius. Yeah, give him Pontius.
Starting point is 01:40:12 I thought there was a sport here. Duh. Sixth team. Sixth team. Sketch, 13 NFL players with most career sacks. Reggie White. Reggie White. Reggie White.
Starting point is 01:40:22 Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor. Yep, there you go.gie White. Lawrence Taylor. Reggie White. Lawrence Taylor. There you go. Four more. Four more. Think seven cities with the three, like. Cities that don't have, like, a hockey team. Yeah, cities that don't have a hockey team.
Starting point is 01:40:35 Houston. New Orleans. Here we go. Cook. Now we're going. Carolina. Chicago. One that doesn't have a basketball team. Miami. Yeah. One that doesn't have a basketball team.
Starting point is 01:40:46 Miami. Yeah, which one doesn't have a basketball team? Where's Jerry? Think Jerry. Pittsburgh. There we go. New York. Chicago.
Starting point is 01:40:54 No. Baltimore. Am I getting closer, guys? Yeah, you're on the right track. Think about they're just big cities with teams. New Orleans. Game it. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:41:04 This is harder than I thought. It's hard. It's hard. You're still fine. You're doing great. Ten classes in Dark Souls? Did you ever play Dark Souls? No, never.
Starting point is 01:41:12 Ten classes. Oh, my God. Two movies directed by Olivia Wilde should be easy for you. I don't know who that is. Two, seven stories, seven cities. Right. Cities is kind of tough. Three total.
Starting point is 01:41:23 It's a tough board This is very hard Ohio What about the artists Oh yeah I think Ohio Pablo Picasso Da Vinci
Starting point is 01:41:31 Yeah think Ohio Where'd LeBron play Where'd LeBron play Think Ohio Where'd LeBron play Columbus No Close
Starting point is 01:41:39 Cleveland Yes One more One more Sorry for that No you're fine You're fine You're doing great Seven cities
Starting point is 01:41:48 Northwest Oh yeah What about where the Sonics used to play Sonics Seattle There we go There you go Sketch is a real one
Starting point is 01:42:03 Hell yes, Sketch. Thank you. Dude, you crushed some of that. That three-pointer is two. That first one that didn't go in, that was so unlucky. There was a little home cook in there. I don't know if that ball was bouncing out weird. It was.
Starting point is 01:42:17 All right, Sketch. You. He beat Max. He beat Max. He beat Will Compton, Delaney Walker. That's what I wanted there the tennessee titans yep easy win there always shit jeff was rico bosco jeff was nine minutes
Starting point is 01:42:36 he was three minutes worse than stew he i think i think someone charted it he literally went like two for 87 Holy shit I knew it was bad but Yeah Do we have Ryan Blaney? Alright yeah yeah Oh my god
Starting point is 01:42:51 Do people get multiple tries at this? Yeah Yeah when you come back You get another try Yeah Come back for the popcorn machine Francis Yeah that's what? Thursday?
Starting point is 01:43:04 We actually haven't had One of us go in a long time. You want to spin it real quick, TJ, and see one of us go? Yeah. It has been a while. It's been a minute. It's going to be Titus. You think so?
Starting point is 01:43:14 I feel it, probably. Yeah. Sure, I'll do it. We'll see. What if you invite the old homeowner here and if he beats your gong, you get your house? I'll play for pinks. A gong for the house would be incredible.
Starting point is 01:43:31 Think of the content. Oh, my God. It's pretty high stakes, yeah. Just do it. Sketch, are you in Houston? I'm in Houston 24-7. Yes, sir. Right now.
Starting point is 01:43:41 Right now? What's your gaming setup? My gaming setup? In my room. What do you mean by that? Are you a PC gamer? PC, yes sir. Love that. Probably got some money coming in now, right?
Starting point is 01:43:55 Money and ladies. The ladies are coming. Stop it. Surplus. We got a surplus of money and ladies. What do you do with the runoff? What do you do with the extra? I got lots of friends. It's just a lot of assist. Yeah. It's not all about scoring here.
Starting point is 01:44:09 Yeah. We had Zach Shaw cross on who was the bachelor. They just ran a sketch bachelor version. It was 20 girls and him speed dating. You know what? You are free. How was the winner? I got 20 DMs after.
Starting point is 01:44:21 Nice. I got 20 DMs after. Lots of winners I haven't picked yet. Oh. One lady's coming haven't picked yet. Oh. One lady's coming over next month. Fuck yes. Next month is Friday. That's true.
Starting point is 01:44:31 Yeah. That's true. They're expected. She wants a Rolls Royce. I don't know if I can answer with that, though. Wait, she wants, she asked for a Rolls Royce? Oh, I put that on myself. I asked her if she ever felt Rolls Royce leather.
Starting point is 01:44:46 Oh, hell yeah. Chris did it. Yeah, Scott, you did that to yourself. Yeah, I'm an e-dater. I don't know if that's what I mean. Are you flying her out? She showed me she's got some money, so I don't know about that. Yeah, don't make that move.
Starting point is 01:44:59 She likes spirit and 32D. Treat them nice. That's how you do it there. She's flying that MOOC ticket. TJ, you want to see if one of us can do it while we wait for Ryan Blaney? Okay. Jay!
Starting point is 01:45:19 All right, Jay. Get up there. Let's see him. Have you talked to CJ Stroud at all? I ran into him at the Apple Store, actually. At the Apple Store? Hell yeah. He's familiar with your game, right?
Starting point is 01:45:36 He knows the lore here. I love it. By accident or by miracle. Who do you want to play with the most? Who's one guy? Who do I want to play with the most? Probably C.J. Stroud. I don't i don't know if yeah that's my boy there him or i don't know jj what let's do my set up i make some wishes on this yeah i can get that set up roger goodell no i'm just kidding
Starting point is 01:45:59 forgot about not him not him what's that ball you're using i don't think you could use the bigger ball yeah that was that seems like that's oh here's ryan blaney what's going on we're gonna we're gonna we'll talk to you later all right sir thank you man thank you i thought stop it in sketch it was great the best sketch yeah everyone tune into jerry after dark tonight sketch will be there all right ryan blaney's here how we doing what's up man hello good to meet you yeah so the question is um you you nascar chicago's coming i'm very excited for that what you were in it last year yeah hopefully it doesn't rain this year yeah it rained like a foot last year yeah so uh hopefully it doesn't rain this year. Yeah, it rained like a foot last year. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:47 So hopefully it doesn't happen again. So are you familiar with what you're about to do with the Yak Gauntlet? You didn't really wear the appropriate shoes, but that's okay. Well, you know, I didn't, but that's all right. We're here. But they told me a little bit about it. They said you are fast time. I am the fast time, yeah. How many times did you do it?
Starting point is 01:47:04 I think I've done it like probably three or four. Okay. Yeah. I also the fast time, yeah. How many times did you do it? I think I've done it probably three or four. Okay. I also created it, so that might have helped. You just got all your best skills. Yeah, pretty much. So I have a very important question for you. We have an idea that we're going to do, and I want you to tell us if we're the dumbest people in the world
Starting point is 01:47:20 or we'll be fun. We're going to do a, I i think what are we calling it the jerry tona 500 i think the jerry tona so we have we're getting go karts and we're gonna race 500 miles on the basketball yeah so i heard about this when i came here today and uh it's the same guy who did the golf yes yes 500 miles around this place we did the math it's 9 000 laps he's not gonna make it like what have you set like you're gonna set it over under time well we're gonna do it it's teams of three so i'm gonna be doing it uh nick and kyle are gonna be doing it like so we're gonna have shifts two people to a car but you think this is the dumbest thing ever i'll watch okay
Starting point is 01:48:02 all right so that's confirmed dumbest thing ever it I'll watch. Okay. All right. So that's confirmed dumbest thing ever. It'll be good to watch someone go in circles besides myself. Yeah. Do you get bored when you? No, no, I don't get bored. There's too much going on. But every now and then do you like, you know, when you're driving and your mind just wanders? Do you ever text?
Starting point is 01:48:21 I get texting a lot. I get the radio, like the radio on. But dude, 9,000 laps around this place. Yeah. That's going to suck. It's going to suck a lot. I get the radio. Like, you know, turn the radio on. But, dude, 9,000 laps around this place? Yeah. That's going to suck. It's going to suck a lot. Like, it's really going to suck. It's going to suck a lot. You're going to get to, like, 500 laps.
Starting point is 01:48:33 You're going to be like, this really? Oh, not even close. It's going to happen when I sign that. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to watch it. Yeah. All right, Steven, do you want to do the gauntlet so that Ryan can see?
Starting point is 01:48:43 So it's pretty easy. You're shooting cornhole. You've got to get just one in. Okay. Then you're shooting a goal, the soccer balls. After you hit those three balls, you can score from anywhere. So if you don't score on the first three shots, you can basically go right up to them and try to get it in.
Starting point is 01:48:59 Yeah. Then you've got to hit a home run, which is just anything above this studio level. Okay. Then you've got to – we'll have someone walk you through it when you do it. Then you've got to throw a football and hit a body armor bottle over. Yep. Then you've got to get a three-pointer, three-pointer, and then you sit back down and you do trivia, which is very easy.
Starting point is 01:49:17 You've just got to get 10 right on the Sporkle trivia. That's a lot. There's like – what is there usually, like 40 questions? 40, yeah. So you can pick whatever question you want Yeah, we'll have Steven do it so you can see it. All right, and then and the goalie is a real piece of shit Real assholes the worst I play guitar with his adopted puppy on Twitter. Yeah girls He's the worst doesn't so kick it as hard as I can. Yes. Yeah, try to Try to hurt him. What's your second best sport?
Starting point is 01:49:49 Golf. Okay. No golf. Zero golf elements. After that, I used to play basketball a lot. I haven't played in a few years. I got hurt like three years ago, and I stopped playing. Okay.
Starting point is 01:49:59 You ever play at Denny Hamlin's house? That's where I got hurt. Oh. His setup is awesome. Yeah. He's got a nice place. You guys, I was telling Spider earlier, I haven't, his setup is awesome. Yeah, it's a nice place. You guys, I was telling Spider earlier, this is I haven't been to this building yet. It's pretty sick.
Starting point is 01:50:09 It's awesome. Yeah, it's pretty sick. Alright, you ready, Steven? He's got a tie of shorts. He's got a tie of shorts. Okay, TJ, you ready? Yes. Alright, here we go. Three, two, one, go. By the way, this guy takes it. Oh, it's a wrap. It's done. Oh my god. Game over. He soared from the combine. Yay! Alright, 1, go. By the way, this guy takes it. Oh, it's a wrap. It's done. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:50:25 Game over. He soared from the combine. Yay. All right, there it is. There he goes. Oh, he's on. Oh, he's on. Oh, he fell for the fucking point.
Starting point is 01:50:36 Oh, boy. Yeah, you can't hit the ceiling either. That won't count. Oh, man. There it is Oh he goes down on his knee No Does that count?
Starting point is 01:50:51 No it can't hit off the back You gotta get your own rebound Oh nice okay Shit There's Liam Blutman Sporting the new Turtle Peak t-shirt What's your record Tom? I think it's like 130.
Starting point is 01:51:06 I went out of control. I hit both threes right away. Yeah. It also is like I got a sparkle that was... There's some of them, some of the categories you'll see when you pull it up. I think the category I had was name
Starting point is 01:51:20 10 teams in the NFC or something. You know what I mean? Just, just ripped right through it. Oh, no. Uh-oh. He's really stuck here. Airballing. He had a good time, too. Also, we've had over 50 people do it, so no matter what, you'll be better than someone.
Starting point is 01:51:39 Odds of you being better than an NFL player are very high. Cam Newton, I think, is, like, five minutes. Oh, wow. Will Compton, Del, I think, is like five minutes. Oh, wow. Will Compton, Delaney Walker is like six minutes. So, yeah, you'll be. Who's the best? Brandon Marshall was the best. Yeah, Brandon Marshall was the best.
Starting point is 01:51:54 That's your category. All right. Sit right there. All right. So, you see, there's like a ton of. Oh, wait. Don't. Really?
Starting point is 01:52:01 Wait. Let Ryan see. Move. Move. Nebraska. Nebraska. Rhode Island. Rhode Island. Move, move. Nebraska. Nebraska. Rhode Island. Rhode Island.
Starting point is 01:52:08 Pennsylvania. Like you do. 11 teams, never won. Illinois. Pick anything. California. Alabama. New Orleans.
Starting point is 01:52:19 Louisiana. His mic's not on. Not even on. Texas. There you go. New York? Yes. Pink?
Starting point is 01:52:31 Where do you go there? Shit. Kwame Brown. K-W-A-M-E. Brown. Time. 2-16. Good job, Steve.
Starting point is 01:52:40 Good. Really good. You don't have to sit on the floor, by the way, to do the sport. You can sit right back where you're sitting. Yeah, that was. Way to beat you. I don't know why. Man, that's.
Starting point is 01:52:50 Yeah, that was a good time, Chad. Great time. Great time. The only thing that you got hung up on was the three. Yeah, the threes, yeah. Everything else was good. All right, Brandon, you're going to help Brian? Yeah, I'm going to.
Starting point is 01:53:00 All right. So you're up, Brian. Yeah, so you see there's a. We can scroll down. There's're up, Brian. Yeah, so you see there's a – we can scroll down. There's a ton of names. Anything three and a half or less is a great time. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:12 126, I mean, that is my record. 126, that's unbelievable. Yeah. It's too bad we didn't put golf in for you. Unrelated, I'm terrible at golf, so it's not part of this challenge. Kim Jong Kat. Yeah. Want to do the NASCAR ad? Oh, kat yeah let me do the nascar ad oh yeah let me do the nascar ad before ryan goes where is it perfect time for it all right got it all right nascar the chicago street race is one of the boldest events in the
Starting point is 01:53:43 history of nascarCAR and American motorsports. The 12-turn, 2.2-mile course will once again take NASCAR past and through many of Chicago's most renowned and highly recognizable landmarks, building on the success of the inaugural Chicago Street Race weekend. The 2024 race weekend on July 6th through 7th is one of the most anticipated events on the 2024 NASCAR schedule and one of the can't-miss sporting events of the year. I will be there. This is an entertainment-filled two-day racing and music with something for everyone.
Starting point is 01:54:11 Fans of all ages are welcome to enjoy a unique festival atmosphere that celebrates the sports, music, and cultures of Chicago on a global scale. Keith Urban, Chainsmokers, Black Keys, and Lauren Alaina will headline the 2024 Chicago Street Race in Grant Park July 6th and 7th. Head to NASCARChicago.com for tickets. I will also be there. I think everyone here will be there. It's going to be awesome.
Starting point is 01:54:35 So it's going to be incredible. Head to NASCARChicago.com for tickets now. Going to be a two-day event. A lot of fun. And we're going to have to root for Ryan Blaney. Unless he beats my record, then I will be his sworn enemy for a life fair yeah very fair right if he beats my record i'm gonna be just i'm gonna i'm gonna be if you beat my record i'm gonna root i'm gonna watch every nascar just being like hope he crashes i guarantee i'm not gonna beat your record okay
Starting point is 01:54:59 all right cool cool then we're good then i I hope you win. Okay. Ready, TJ? Yes. All right. Three, two, one, go. He's off and running. Oh, he's in. Oh, he's good. The shoes may be an issue. Shoes could be an issue here.
Starting point is 01:55:17 Oh, come on, Malasek. Malasek. Oh, I hate him. If this. Oh, my God. 15 seconds. He's got three down. No one help him on Sporkle.
Starting point is 01:55:31 Malasek, what a jerk. And Big Cat, if he beats you, you're going to execute. He got it. He's under 30 seconds. Sucks. I hate Malasek. All right. Have a miss.
Starting point is 01:55:45 He's going to miss. Get in. TJ, your fingers are feeling arthritis-y. He got it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He almost tripped over the cornhole.
Starting point is 01:55:53 This is very stressful to watch. Okay. I need him to get to at least one. Oh, shit. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 12 MLB teams. Don't help them, Nick. I'm really going to struggle here.
Starting point is 01:56:09 Oh, no. That's a seven NBA player. Buttercup. Oh, he's going power. My man. Bubbles. Wolverine. Cyclops.
Starting point is 01:56:25 No? Storm. Professor X. Wolverine Cyclops no Storm Professor X Beast you could do five the main campus North Carolina there you go I'll help you now
Starting point is 01:56:40 Rice Drexel Seton Hall, George Mason. Those are tough schools. I don't know any of them. 12 MLB teams with three word names. Including city. Including city.
Starting point is 01:56:51 Fuck, dude. Think about what city you're in right now. Two words. Chicago, White Sox. There we go. Boston, Red Sox. Three more. New York Yankees.
Starting point is 01:57:02 Nice. Tampa Bay Rays. New York Mets. Done. Yankees. Nice. Tampa Bay Rays. New York Mets. Done. Boom. In it. Wow. Great time.
Starting point is 01:57:10 I was nervous. Oh, my gosh. I was legit nervous. I knew I was going to struggle. I was legit nervous. You fucking crushed that. Holy shit. Damn.
Starting point is 01:57:18 Ryan Blaney really is fast. They gave you some really hard colleges there with Drexel and- Yeah, I don't- Because I know where Seton Hall is. I don't do very good with that stuff. Wow. Wait, is he in third? Third place.
Starting point is 01:57:30 Oh, you beat me. You're the number one non-barstool person now. Like everyone else who's in the top five is barstool. Nice. In these fucking shoes too. Yeah. Fuck. You're not invited back.
Starting point is 01:57:42 I think you'll break it. I want to make my own setup like this in my house so I can come back and just be like, see you in one minute. You went straight to Powerpuff Girls. Powderpuff Girls. Powerpuff. That was my jam back in the day.
Starting point is 01:57:54 Have you ever done anything that fast before? What's that? Have you ever done anything that fast before? Or is that the... No. That was impressive. I'm not this out of breath after I get done racing. That was crazy.
Starting point is 01:58:04 Damn, he was a second away from second place. He was very good. That was fun. I'm not this out of breath after I get done racing. That was crazy. Damn, he was a second away from second place. He was very good. That was fun. Very good. Nice. Yeah, I was legit nervous. Yeah. Once you got that, well, once you got the home run, like, on the third shot,
Starting point is 01:58:18 I was like, fuck, he's going to do this. The beef wellington almost came up. Oh, you just cooked the donny. All right, so one last thing, Ryan, and everyone go to NASCARChicago.com. We have a wheel on this show. Because you've now appeared on this show, unfortunately, you're part of the wheel. Let's just hope we don't have to do anything stupid like a mousetrap or get wet. Wait, what?
Starting point is 01:58:39 A towel whip. Oh, towel whip. We forgot to tell you this part. Listen, we could easily get dry, and that means just nothing. All right. Well, man, there's a lot of dries. And there's a secondary wheel, too, so if this hits, like, wet, then we spin to see who has to get wet, which you would be on that,
Starting point is 01:58:54 but there's, like, 12. You're fine. Yeah, you're fine. Let's roll it. You don't have to worry about it, to be honest. And mousetrap, you don't need your finger. Oh, we're good. Oh, what?
Starting point is 01:59:03 Eyes bound. Good, all right. Ryan Blaney, what a – oh, look at this. Holy shit. Whoa. You just won this? Yeah, that's the cup trophy. That's what they give you?
Starting point is 01:59:11 Holy shit. God damn. We're going to just need that. That's the Yak-Conleth trophy. Yep. Thanks, man. Right? Thank you.
Starting point is 01:59:17 Yeah. You're welcome. This is my gift to you. Yeah. There you go. Penny Friday. Oh, right out of that thing. That's amazing.
Starting point is 01:59:24 Beautiful. Well, Ryan, thank you that thing. That's amazing. Beautiful. Well, Ryan, thank you so much. We're rooting for you. Come back. Actually, when you do NASCAR, the Chicago Street Race, you're welcome maybe the Monday after. You can come and take another shot at the gauntlet. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:59:36 Thanks, guys. Appreciate you having me. Bring some good shoes. You'll beat my record. All right. Thanks, everyone. We'll see everyone tomorrow. I'm out tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:59:44 Stephen Shea's out tomorrow. We'll see everyone tomorrow. I'm out tomorrow. Stephen Chay is out tomorrow. We'll be back Thursday. Cool. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. hey have a good day everybody shout out ryan blaney bye

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