The Yak - Sorry Big Cat, Frank The Tank Does What He Wants | The Yak 5-1-23
Episode Date: May 1, 2023That's all folks!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Of all the things in life, one of the best has to be getting high whenever you want,
wherever you want, without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk.
What's the best way to do that? With 3Chi, of course.
3Chi has the highest quality cannabis products from their delicious Delta 9 edibles
and their industry-leading Delta 8 products to their new line of Delta 9-O vapes
and everything in between.
When you buy 3Chi, you know you're getting the highest quality in purity, taste,
and that craveably potent buzz every single time.
All products are formulated by a biochemist and made in the USA with USA grown hemp.
Yak listeners get an exclusive 15% discount on all of 3Chi's premium THC products.
Go to 3chi.com.
Use promo code YAK15 to take 15% off your order.
Again, that's 3chi.com.
3-C-H-I.com.
Use promo code YAK15 to get 15% 15 off your order must be 21 or older to purchase
please use responsibly Yo, DJ, hold that up.
Hello.
Wake up, wake up.
It's the first of the month.
All right, Roback.
Use code Roback.
Use code Yak on Roback.com for 20% off your first purchase. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Roan showing off the Roback.
I got them on as well.
You look good.
I like your pants today.
I love your pants today.
Yeah, Roback.com.
They got shorts coming out for the summer.
Roback.com.
Go check them out now.
Use code YAK.
The hoodie.
He looks as handsome as he can.
Brandon's eating again.
Again. he can brandon's eating again uh again roback.com use code yak on roback.com for 20 off your first
purchase q-zips polos hoodies joggers everything shorts hello everyone hi hello brandon smile on
your face you floated into work. Monday. It's Monday.
Great sports weekend. Feels good.
Rained all weekend and now
it's those are the April showers and
now it's got May flowers.
New month. It rained too
much. The rest of the month.
A little too much rain. Shit sucked.
I hate it.
I guess the
listeners are going to be like, why aren't you talking about the thing that happened
this morning? We're not going to talk
about it because
we don't want to be affiliated with that.
We don't want to be affiliated with that. And also
other people are going to try to pick it up
and use it against us.
Mincy's a fucking idiot.
Just leave it at that.
Man is the dumbest person alive.
He really is. I've been saying. You is the dumbest person alive. He really is.
I've been saying.
You just keep catching wins on that.
I've been saying.
What are the Stella Blue numbers looking like?
It plummeted again.
Oh my God, I can't remember.
Any particular roasts that plummeted?
More than others?
Well, the good news is he did kiss a man,
so we're going to maybe pick up.
He kissed a man?
Yeah.
Oh.
The gay audience.
Lose one demographic, gain another. We're going to maybe pick up. Has he kissed a man? Yeah. Oh. The gay audience. So.
Lose one demographic, gain another.
Yeah, but the gay audience is kind of liberal.
Yeah.
So.
I think that's false.
Is it?
Is it?
I don't think they're a monolith.
I think that there's people within.
Of course they're not a monolith.
No, they're all the same.
Yeah.
They all think the same thing.
How's everyone doing?
It feels, I miss the popcorn.
You being pregnant went dummy viral.
A lot of people.
Oh, picking up off the floor.
Oh, you.
Yeah, you being pregnant.
I wrongfully assumed Kate.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
I didn't do much numbers.
No, Kate, no.
You did get crazy numbers on the pregnancy announcement.
Yeah, the announcement had a ton of numbers.
Picture did nummies?
Oh, yeah.
It was like a thousand retweets.
People were just responding as of yesterday.
Like, I just posted it.
Okay, well.
Everyone just was mad.
Like, there was, obviously, people knew I was joking.
Then there were people who had no, like, were not on a plane.
They didn't bring that up.
Like, they didn't bring up the fact that you're 22 weeks pregnant.
They just assumed that was the truth.
They were just like, pick up the fucking popcorn.
It is one of those where you get 9,000 Twitter responses that are exactly the same.
I saw why the buddy pregnant a lot.
Yeah.
You've been fishing for Twitter responses lately, though.
Have I?
Is this the best Center Ice logo?
Yeah.
You know that's going to get.
What do you guys want to talk about at 4 a.m.?
I don't know what to do at 4 a.m.
Sleep! I don't...
I got a lot going on in my life.
I don't have much going on at all. I just can't sleep.
Why don't you take some melatonin?
Took it. Took six of them.
Six? Jesus Christ, bro. You're strong
like an ox. 60 milligrams in there.
That shit doesn't do anything. The more you take it, the less it works. Yeah, and then... You're strong like an ox. 60 milligrams. That shit doesn't do anything.
The more you take it, the less it works.
Yeah, and then you basically are tasing yourself every night.
Ever since the kid thing where he ate a bunch of melatonin and the poison control lady on the phone says,
yeah, melatonin really doesn't do anything.
It doesn't phase me.
You're going through 100 replies at 4 a.m.
Yeah, that can't be healthy.
No, it's not healthy at all.
Not even healthy.
You're not going to fall asleep.
Correct. You need to get rid of blue light before you sleep it's not healthy at all. But I feel. Not even healthy. You're not going to fall asleep. Correct.
You need to get rid of blue light before you sleep.
It's what you need.
What you need.
Is that the phone light?
Looking at you.
Yeah, there's also like on Friday night, I was watching all the games.
And I was like, I want to go to sleep at like 11 o'clock.
I'm going to stop tweeting.
Because I know that if I do, I'll get into it.
Like 11 to 2 a.m. is when I can play my video games.
It's when I can play my MLB The Show.
Really?
I'm not even making a joke.
He really is like 12 years old.
I can play my MLB The Show.
I played three games against the Mets yesterday, and I have to knock out.
You're wired.
I have to knock out series at a time.
Your wife catching you under the covers with like a flashlight and a Game Boy.
It's tough to go.
Every athlete knows it's tough to go to sleep after a big game.
She interrupted me last night
She wanted to have sex
What?
I don't know
Turned her down for the video games?
No I didn't
She's still fucking
That's disgusting
What's up Sass?
You lay it down?
How's San Fran?
How's San Fran?
Yeah
It was good
I feel so shitty.
I feel like I'm still sick.
You've been traveling.
Dude, it's so bad.
It's so bad.
Why don't you get a new vape?
Hit a new vape.
I know.
I think you're dying.
I think it's those San Fran vapes.
I think you're diseased.
They're fucking me up.
They're empty.
Chance you're dying?
Hopefully not.
We all are, right?
Oh, yeah. Sixers tonight.
Stream.
I got strong-armed by Frank the Tank.
Happened.
I told him, I was like, I think you should stream Game 7, Devils-Rangers.
And he was like, well, I'm going to go to the game.
And I was like, if the Devils lose, you're at the game,
you saw Game 7 loss in person, that sucks. If the Devils win, you're at the game, you saw a Game 7 loss in person, that sucks.
If the Devils win, you have more playoff games you get to go to.
Like, come do the streak.
That's a good logic.
He checkmated me, though.
What did he say?
He said that if the Devils lose,
I'd like to be there to give them a standing ovation
for a job well done this year.
Really good, yeah.
Oh, wow.
I don't have a response to that.
Kind of shocking to hear from you.
You got him badly.
He also doesn't seem like a standing ovation for a lost guy.
No.
I don't know why he said he would do it.
So is he going to have cameras on him?
I am now.
I've now been so strong-armed by Frank the Tank.
Glennie's going with him, and I have to buy an extra ticket for someone to videotape them.
So what started as, Frank, you should do your job and come on the stream,
now has me
paying money for a Game
7 ticket. He has no
job in security, though. None.
He knows he's cranking
out content. He just did another Tank Cooks
that he was showing me. Chicken fried steak
coming out next week. He's a machine.
Yeah, he just bullied me.
I couldn't do anything about it.
I had no answers for the man.
To give them a standing O?
We better get footage of that whole standing O.
I want to see every single, I want to see until he, like,
everyone better be off the ice.
Now, is this something that the crowd will do anyways?
I think it happens.
Yeah, it happens.
He's going to lead it, though.
Yeah.
I kind of respect, I mean, like, Frank goes to every Devils game, right?
He has season tickets. He's gone to every Devils game this year. So kind of respect. I mean, like, Frank goes to every Devils game, right? He has season tickets.
He's gone to every Devils game this year.
So to not go to a game seven goes against who he is.
Right.
I understand.
My counterpoint would be that we have literally the best job in the world,
and all you have to do is watch your big games on stream.
We do have the best job, and you could do or say most things.
Right.
Right.
This is also the first round
first round yeah but it's it's range of devils is right yeah uh max just walked by and ronan max
are just like two two dogs we're not getting pushed around by fucking hank first off yeah
max went to villanova he's smart smart. He is smart. Villanova's
got to be the hardest school. Is Villanova
harder to get into than Wisconsin?
Probably. It's a pretty
good school. He might be
the best educated man on
part of my take. Yeah. I don't know
about that. Best educated.
Which school has a better track
record? Unfortunately, I guess you would have to say
Billy. Oh. Yeah, Williams is a really good school. Unfortunately, I guess you would have to say Billy.
Oh.
Yeah, Williams is a really good school.
Oh, it goes Billy and then Max. It hurts.
And then the rest of you slubs.
We're not getting pushed around mentally.
I think Williams is like top three hardest schools in New England probably to get into.
Yeah.
So him and Billy are the fucking brain trust of that show.
And you're going to have to respect it.
He is?
Yeah. Oh, damn it. He went to a defunct college for a going to respect it. He is? Yeah.
Oh, damn it.
He went to a defunct college for a year.
Damn it.
His whole college dropped out?
Yeah, his whole college stopped.
That's crazy.
Like, they went out?
They went under?
It was, I don't know exactly.
I think it was, like, Southern New Hampshire.
Oh, no, actually, I think the first year he went to Southern New Hampshire.
Is that a school?
That's like that school they advertise that's online, right?
Yeah, he went to that one, and then he went to a film school that ceased to exist.
Oh, okay.
Max is a genius, and we're not getting pushed around by Hank mentally.
Yeah, but you guys are going to get spoiled.
I don't need him to be.
You guys are going to get destroyed.
Wah, wah, wah.
Oh, yeah, the thing that everybody thinks is going to happen always happens.
I'm not buying it.
I'm not going to buy it for a second.
Wake Up Mincy just rolls along and has years and years of success.
It didn't happen.
Positive is going to happen.
Is it done?
Are they shutting it down?
I don't know.
I think it's going to be paused.
There's only been a major slip up in 14% of the episodes.
Spin, like 86% of the episodes is very impressive.
I don't like people touching our outback, dude.
And I told Donnie that he could have some if he told us about his trip to Nepal, but I don't know. He did that psychedelic honey.
He brought some back.
Those cliffs. Yeah, he had adverse reactions. He vomited foric honey. He brought some back. He had adverse reactions.
He vomited for two hours.
Yeah, it's here.
Should we put it on the wheel?
Psychedelic honey?
He did too much.
Would he also pack KB?
9% Zin?
Never will I ever again.
Are you about to do one?
9 milligrams.
I haven't done one in a month.
KB, don't.
Don't do it, KB.
It's such a good rush, though.
No, no.
Don't sell nine milligrams.
I'm doing everything right.
You're about to do two of them?
Yeah.
No, KB.
KB, no.
Put it between your toes.
Don't do it.
Let's do it.
KB, no.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Put it back.
Put it back.
Put it back. You're in a good spot right now. Put it back. Put it back. No, you're not. Put it back. Put it back. Put it back Put it back
Put it back
Put it back
Put it back
Save it
Save it
Here take a couple more
Just for the road
Yeah your song
Did incredibly online
I think that's my favorite
Yak moment of all time
That song
I love it so much
It's stuck in my head
It was in my head
All weekend
It was so good It was in my head all weekend.
It was so good.
I think DJ did the edit with the voice or X Factor, whatever the singing show is.
The voice.
Very, very funny.
That whole yak was so fucking funny and so random.
Popcorn Day.
It was.
It was good.
Can't wait for Popcorn Day 2024.
Shame y'all accidentally spilled so much of it, though.
My face when the bottom got cut out was very funny.
Really sad.
It's never been cleaner in this room.
I know.
Really?
Clean the fuck out of this room.
Look at it.
Nick had like a Ghostbusters vacuum on his face. I was having the time of my life.
It's very therapeutic.
I love just...
Sucking?
Yeah, I guess.
Fuck.
What's sad? Tell us about San Fran, bro.
Yeah, San Fran.
Dude, San Fran was great.
Maybe we were in a nicer area.
San Fran's very nice.
No, no, no.
Everyone who says every city is dying is just on Twitter and refuses to go there.
You would think New York is a a murderous right when you go to a city
you realize
oh
all the tweets
about all this shit
doesn't happen
every day
every square inch
of the city
I kept on talking
I kept on making fun
of Francis
because he was like
everyone I've talked to
said it's turned into
like a complete shithole
and then we got there
and I was like
dude this is
fucking awesome
like it's a nice city
yeah
beautiful city
I'm assuming the homeless
people must be in one specific area
because there are really way
more homeless people here than there were there.
You'll turn a street and it'll be the whole street.
A thousand of them.
Tenderloin area especially.
Wherever we were, there was not a lot of homeless people.
It's a beautiful city.
We walked a lot.
Deep ass hills.
Alcatraz was pretty cool i wanted to tour it we
didn't tour it did you get on a boat no you didn't you just you just saw it yeah no i yeah you can
just saw the bridge i'd imagine yeah but dude the fog is crazy yeah so you never really get to see
or we never got to see the full bridge you just get to see like parts of it yeah Did you have any fish? No. No, I had shrimp.
Francis ordered 24 oysters
and I assumed it was like
for me and him and just for him.
He ate 24 oysters.
That's pretty standard.
Yeah? It's hard to get
full off oysters. They don't fill you up.
They're not that hardy. It's gross after a while though.
Were they raw?
Were they raw oysters?
People got mad you can't call Sam It's gross after a while, though. Are they raw? Are they raw oysters? Oh.
People got mad you can't call it San Fran.
Dude.
Frisco.
We just start calling Colorado Rado like I do.
Who told them that SF works?
That doesn't work.
No, it doesn't.
It's just one of those dumbest things.
I said it so, like, obviously joking.
I was like, you guys don't like when people say San Fran huh
and this dude in the front row
furious
like looked like he wanted to
fucking kill me
and he's like would you call your country a cunt
oh I will now
I mean Philadelphia
is Philly
and I know
dude it was insane.
Half the world calls Chicago Chirac.
Yeah.
And they don't like that.
Yeah, no, it's...
Dude, it's also like,
like, what the fuck?
Stop a comedy show?
Dude, Donnie, before I went,
I, like, promoted the show
and I was, like, gonna be in San Fran this weekend
and Donnie replied and he was like,
are you joking by saying San Fran?
He's like, that's, like, the number one thing
that they get, like, furious about. I was like, there's no way they actually get that mad and I said dude like
I've had people get mad on stage like normal that's the craziest part was like insane I know
people don't like it but to stop a comedy show is crazy yeah yeah that's crazy nuts
at least Mincy didn't say that. Yeah. It could be worse.
It could be worse.
What did he say?
Nuclear?
How was the crowd?
How was the crowd out there?
He just doesn't know how to read ahead.
He was coming.
He couldn't get off the train tracks.
He got up on him.
Bad. He wasn't even get off the train tracks. Knocked up on him. Bad.
He wasn't even tied to the train tracks.
I felt, I watched Israan Burgundy.
I laughed so hard.
And then I watched it again and I felt bad.
And then a third
and then it was funnier.
I don't want to use the word perfect for
something like that.
The text, the waking up to that text from you, Dan.
Yeah.
It was like, hey, buckle up.
This happened.
Yeah.
I texted everyone in my phone.
Because I knew I was the only one who was up watching that show, that program.
I will say, I read the text.
It made me so uncomfortable, just the idea of it.
I watched the video like five times with no volume.
Yeah.
To get to see what I was getting myself into.
It's like when you buy a new fish for the tank and you keep it in the bag.
Exact same kind of thing.
Also, I've never seen the move before, and we shouldn't talk about it for too long.
I think he tried to live edit.
Yep.
Yes.
He said,
It was live editing.
Like an auctioneer.
It took me a lot of watches to notice
there was a man in the background.
That's the man he kissed.
That's the man he kissed.
He smooched his way out.
Okay.
He smooched his way out of any hole.
He seemed to be all right.
It was the fastest growth of a man I've ever seen
because the next time that word was on the lyric sheet,
it switched to like a sneaky kung fu user.
I guess we should have realized
the show hadn't had a first of the month yet.
It's bound to happen whenever the first of the month calendar.
God damn it. Why couldn't to happen whenever the first of the month calendar. Damn it.
Why couldn't it
have made first
bit of two?
And he was just
bullet pointing all
of his events
from last week
and Monday.
We pull up the
yak Twitter account
and just go to our
replies.
We just need to do
a little ghost edit.
Tweets and replies.
Yeah.
Keep scrolling.
Keep scrolling.
Two jobs.
He has two jobs.
Oh, no.
Wake the fuck up.
Wake the fuck up.
It's two jobs.
Two, yeah.
He's hilarious.
He's 0 for 2.
He should pre-record every time now.
Yep.
It is so funny that that was the first that everyone was shitting on him for pre-recording.
Yeah.
It just doesn't.
I would not put it past him to pre-record that and keep that in.
Nope. No question about it. You want me to pre-record that and keep that in.
Nope.
No question about it.
You want me to pre-record?
This is what happens.
I'm going to do it at night. You want me to work?
This is what happens.
Yeah, we had a big slip-up.
Something got through.
It's quite something.
So, Ron, do you really think the Sixers have a chance?
Of course. No hesitation. In, Ron, do you really think the Sixers have a chance? Of course.
No hesitation.
In the series, I agree.
That they have a chance in the series?
Yes.
You don't think that they have a chance tonight?
I don't think so.
They had some big wins without Embiid this season.
Celtics have a win.
On the road against the Celtics.
They're worldly.
Huh?
Oh, the Celtics struggled against the Hawks.
Yeah, they struggled.
They've had big wins.
I can look into them if you would like me to crunch those stats.
I believe you.
This isn't that.
I believe you.
It's not that.
But I truly do believe in them.
But I also like the Celtics are a great team.
I'm just ready for war.
Yeah.
I'm ready for war.
Are you going to go to any of the games?
I'm probably going to watch them around here and then the most dangerous game shows.
Oh, that's right. Coming up.
So I'm going to be out.
How long is that? I think it's a week. so I'm going to be out. How long is that?
I think it's a week.
Where is it going to be this time?
Same place?
I don't know if that's announced yet.
Okay.
I don't know if...
Is the cast list announced yet?
I don't think that's announced either.
Is the show's existence announced yet?
Yeah.
Certainly.
Does the cast have anyone that's been cancelled?
That's all, folks.
Oh, God.
There was a palpable buzz in the office today.
It was like a holiday.
Well, not for me.
Who else is representing the Celtics tonight?
We're doing a stream.
Hank.
Is it just me and Max bash-brothering Hank's dumb ass?
I think it might be.
I'm going to drag him through the streets.
Pat, maybe.
Donnie.
I'm a Celtics fan.
Donnie might be here.
Shut up, sass sass ass i'm from
massachusetts fights fights is dead right yeah that was a sad video dude that was pretty crazy
yeah i was like you guys know me very well i'm the king of awkward content even i it was too
their heartbreak was too sad for me to say anything in the moment.
Like, I left the room.
Jake silently celebrating was fantastic.
He's a monster.
Sash, who's like the Celtics starting lineup?
I don't know a single player on the Celtics.
Yeah, you do.
I don't.
You can name one.
You can name one.
Give us one.
I genuinely can't.
You can name one.
Is Taco still on the team?
No.
That was the last guy I know.
You know something.
I used to watch Celtics when I was growing up.
I haven't watched a Celtics game in probably close to 10 years.
Some of the guys who are on the team with –
Well, name five Celtics.
Rondo?
Rondo's not on the team anymore, is he?
Name five Celtics ever.
That's one.
You can do that.
Oh.
Two already.
Taco, Rondo, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett.
Nailed it.
And.
Fucking.
That one dude.
I'm going to go with the big one.
I already said the big one.
Who, Shaq?
Yeah.
Shaq was on Celtics.
I was thinking Larry Bird.
He was.
Larry Bird.
Shaq was not on the Celtics.
I saw Shaq.
He was on Celtics.
Yeah, he was.
I saw Shaq play. I saw Shaq. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. He was the big shamrock.
I saw Shaq play against the Celtics
once. Oh, he would, remember when Shaq
had that, he was just bouncing around the teams
giving himself different nicknames every time?
Yeah. He was the big cactus
when he went to the Suns.
Big shamrock. Trivia
question, what number was he on the Celtics?
Oh, no idea.
99? Double zero? He, no idea. 99?
Double zero?
Well, he was 34 regularly, right?
He was 34 at the Lakers.
He was 32 in Orlando.
32?
I'll have to check.
I believe it's 36. Oh, you don't know the answer?
I'm pretty sure it's 36.
Yes.
He actually was on the Celtics?
Yeah.
Big shamrock.
He was just so fat at the end
It was awesome
What else should we talk about?
I can only think about one thing
It's hard
I guess we probably shouldn't talk about it a lot
Or maybe we should talk about it the whole episode
And let's do the 12-hour stream today, too.
Kate.
Yeah.
You went looking for a house, huh?
I did.
You were in Chirac?
I was in Chirac.
I can't believe I made it out.
Again, Chicago's awesome.
I hadn't been in a while.
It is such a cool city.
It made me super excited for this move.
Went around the West Loop a little bit where the office is going to be.
But went all over.
Saw a ton of places.
Some JP's.
What's that?
Graziano's.
Yeah, you got to be Graziano's.
I didn't do any of that.
What was that accent?
I think he just got some of the sounds that he threw in.
He got the first sound.
Is that Australian?
I'm just talking shit.
I got Grazianis.
I got Grazianis.
Grazi-Azi-Azis.
Yeah.
Grazianis.
Oi, oi, oi.
No, it was great.
It was awesome.
Just a really fun, cool city.
Went all over.
Put an offer in on a really irresponsible house.
You put an offer?
What was the selling point? What did you like about it?
She's so stupid, man.
It's the most irresponsible possible thing.
She sent me that. She showed me the house, right?
It's bad. She's got a toddler now,
a cat,
a fat guy, and then she's pregnant.
Oh, the beef is not fat.
It's not fat.
You're fat.
Do not say that. Beef is not fat. Beef is not fat. You're fat. I'm categorically fat like you.
Beef is not fat.
Fertile.
Do not say that.
We're the same.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Harry.
No way.
He's a very handsome man.
Harry gets mistaken for fat.
I was going to say he wasn't good looking.
Right.
He's Harry, not fat.
Okay, fine.
She's got all this.
And she's pregnant.
And she has a spiral staircase with open air stairs.
There's no.
Just put a gate up.
No, that.
See?
Put a fucking gate up.
What about when she's going up there eight months pregnant?
Just put a gate up.
Oh, she ain't going to slide down.
She's got a gate herself.
Slip through the stairs.
Also, the cat, like a cat can jump anywhere.
I love that.
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
But I was looking at all apartments, but this was the only actual house I could afford.
And I said, fuck it.
Let's do it.
Why not?
Hell yeah.
So needs a ton of work.
I don't like you calling the beef.
Carpeted bathroom.
Carpeted bathroom.
Like us.
Yeah.
Beef is in good shape.
The beef could flip a car if he had to.
How about he comes in and whips your ass, Brandon?
Damn straight he could. Fuck yeah. Did you flip a car, Brandon? to. How about he comes in and whips your ass, Brandon? Damn straight he could.
Fuck yeah.
Did you flip a car, Brandon?
No, we were so strong.
Staunchly beef.
We're pro-beef.
We are not bad.
We are pro-beef.
Like it.
Come on.
We love the beef.
Listen, we would kick you to the curb for the beef in a second.
Well, that's not necessary.
You got way better shirts than you.
Way better shirts.
We have an extra microphone.
Would one of us get killed in the next Chainsaw Massacre
movie? Yeah, you could make that.
They're doing another one.
They're doing another, so you could.
Brandon? Sass? I want to be
sass. I would love to do that.
I feel like you'd be great getting killed in that.
It'd be awesome. Good-ass shirts
on the beef. I have a
whole list of ones he can't wear to the playground.
Really?
He's got like a man eating out an armadillo.
That's like keep-off-some-weird.
Licking an armadillo pussy?
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's kind of cool.
That is cool.
Oh, Brendan does wear fucking shirts.
Sorry I said something momentarily about the beef being too big for those stairs.
Those stairs are ridiculous, Kate.
Yes.
Too big for stairs?
What has he ever heard of?
Is he Gilbert Grape's mom?
It's a very tight spiral.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
A popper nickel.
God damn it.
Sturdy ass bread, though.
It's sturdy ass.
That was, yeah.
Yeah.
That bread did not budge.
No, it didn't.
Good ass bread.
Yep.
Oh, no, the butter's loose.
Where's the butter?
Where'd it go?
Found the butter's, oh, no.
On your damn shoe.
It's on the tongue of your shoe.
Your shoe got hungry.
Oh, it got buttered.
A perfect dollop.
You ever do that prank in high school where you have
a butter labeled one and a
butter labeled three and everybody's looking for the
number two butter? I was going to say, this
seems like something Rowan would do to you.
Just walk over and just... Butter on
your shoe. Where's the other butter?
You put butter on my shoe?
Do you want to do the Outback for your dollar? Yeah, no. You've got butter shoes. There's nothing better than a You put butter on my shoe?
Yeah, no, you've got butter shoes.
There's nothing better than a good old butter spill.
I missed eating Outback this weekend.
I've got the itch now every single day.
It's like every single day.
It's the eighth wonder of the world.
Yeah.
Great barrier eats at Outback Steakhouse.
That new menu is crazy good.
Oh, my gosh.
Best of land, best of sea.
$16.99. Yes.
Come on, bro. Slap a $20 on the table. Give it a little extra
for the tip because at Outback
they work hard and they deserve it. I wouldn't
slap a $20 on the table. That's disrespectful.
You wouldn't.
You absolute
rogue. But one thing I do love
is that Tasmanian shrimp and lobster
pasta. Ooh-wee pasta i'm rib prime rib is
fantastic tim tam brownie cake yes oh my god that's it so fucking good i i've always been a
fan of tim but this is my first time having tim with tam yeah like tim or tam better uh they're
they combine in a beautiful medley yeah this some of the parts is bigger than whatever the hell that's that's saying is outback blooming onion with aussie cheese fries
oh my gosh it is elite they've introduced us the the mac daddy steak and make combos i mean
you can check it out for yourself great barrier eats menu at your local Outback Steakhouse or order it for delivery at Outback.com.
Outback, yum.
What'd you just get, some meat?
Burger patty.
You got a burger patty?
You look fucking jacked today, Kyle.
Crazy.
A little too hard because I feel like shit.
Oh.
The showers still make me feel great, but I'm tired and anxious.
The coldies?
The cold showers? Showers are hot. I great, but I'm tired and anxious. The coldies? The cold showers?
Showers are hot.
I wake up and I need them.
I thought about doing the shower today, but I'm a pussy.
You just have to go like, fucking warrior yourself up to it.
Yeah, you got to Wim Hof.
Wim Hof does change it.
You don't do it, Seth.
No, I don't take cold showers either.
Pretty easy solution to that
Hot showers
Yeah
So don't tell him what he's gotta do
You bastard
Right
Rules for thee and not for me
I almost did it again
Head S, head S
I almost did it again
You're right
You won
Fuck bro, fight back
I don't have anything in me to fight back
Stay for the stream tonight then.
I can't. I got shit to do
all day. Bullshit. Really?
Video games? No, no video games
tonight. Gotta get his last burst of video games in
before his big trip. Big trip.
Oh, when's your trip? Tomorrow.
Where's your big trip?
You know where I'm going, brother. You go to Iceland tomorrow?
Tomorrow? Holy shit. Oh, fuck.
I'll be here tomorrow.
My flight's not till 8.
There's no chance.
Yeah, I will.
You're in Texas and you're going to be like...
No, I have to.
I have to do shit tomorrow.
Okay.
I'm out Wednesday
for the rest of the week.
Where are you going?
Stella Blue trip.
Shit.
Aren't you out too?
Thursday.
It's Thursday. Kyle, are you out?? Thursday It's Thursday
Kyle are you out?
I'll find out today
He finds out today if he's out
Why?
You wouldn't go?
I think Kyle's a felon
Oh you gotta go to England
I yeah
Wait you're going to England?
Yeah Wednesday
I paid a lot of money to have it expedited
Three days it's a service
I didn't realize after you pay
You still have to book an appointment with one of the agencies.
And they're all booked up until the end of May.
I don't know what to do.
We'll see.
Help Kyle out.
Can someone get Kyle in?
I think you're a felon.
This is a passport issue?
But the person apparently that you've been in contact with is very, very high profile.
Apparently.
I have a middleman, so I haven't talked to him.
It's somebody very closely associated
with the Trump administration.
Is that who it is? Yes!
I don't know.
I don't know. It's Mike Pence!
Mike Pence!
You need an expedited passport?
Yes.
I can help you.
What?
Perfect.
Can you get it by Wednesday?
Same day.
Two days.
Same day?
Yeah, you just need to wake up super early.
This is a place in New York City.
I had it happen.
Tommy Smokes is punching air out there right now.
People are saying things like this.
He's on a alternative.
I literally went to that.
How do you book these random appointments?
You don't book it.
You got to show up at like 4, 35 a.m.
It's downtown.
Why?
What?
Because there's a line.
And if you want to get it same day, then you got to wait.
From my understanding, they need to ship.
Nope.
You just get it right there?
Yep.
How long might he be in that line?
Hours.
Che is not.
Are you sure about this?
I did it a few years ago.
He's the 1-1.
Was it 1-A or 1-1?
The 1-1 kid, yeah.
The 1-1 kid.
Pre-COVID?
Yes.
I don't know if that's a thing anymore.
Che, when you see a long line, are you like, this is going to be my bitch?
I am built different, so he's got a pair of the knees and more so the mind.
What's the longest line you've ever sat in?
NFL draft, 2006.
How long?
14 hours.
Oh, my God.
Did you even get a good seat?
Guy's built different.
You are built different
uh general admission it was just waiting in line for the wristband to go back later in the day
oh but then did you get a good seat yeah i mean all the seats were it was javits center so
was it worth it were you like yeah that was great yeah how about you guys it's like the
longest i camped in a camped in line one I've done that. 20 minutes? Dude, I'm like five minutes, and I'm like, I'm going...
Fuck a line.
I'm not saying a line.
I go to Dwayne Reed if there's a line that's more than three people.
I go to the bodega instead.
Yeah.
I was for a McDonald's opening up in Morgantown.
Mine was for Chick-fil-A.
I camped in a line for season tickets for the Badgers, but that was fun.
Well, this was a blast.
Everybody was getting drunk.
Everybody had this McDonald's just opening.
You got free Big Macs for a year if you're the first hundred.
I go in and they're like, you're like the 700th person.
I'm like, fuck.
That sucks.
Why wouldn't they tell people?
I know.
And I got in.
You got in?
I got free sandwiches for a year.
God damn.
I spent the night.
It was February in the Philly area.
It was like 20 degrees, and I didn't bring a tent.
I just had my mom drop me off at the lawn chair and other people adopted me, took me
into their tent.
The cow kept coming out with free food all night long.
They played a Christian movie.
Did you go like all the time to get your free food?
I actually left for boot camp like a week later.
Oh my God.
Kate.
I know.
But it was my way of being like, here's how I'll take care of the family while I'm gone.
Here, mom.
Have these 365 chicken sandwiches.
I just wanted the card.
Yeah.
That'd be cool to just carry that card.
Yeah.
It's a baller move.
But it was fun.
She's eating her Outback.
This is illegal.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
People are crazy.
Oh, again.
Look at that.
He has so much meat on his plate.
You said he could have it Friday and he's just going to come every day now?
I just want to make him feel good.
You haven't eaten yet, Billy.
He was putting a third burger on his plate.
He was having a third burger.
He had so much food the other day.
Go ahead.
We took all the steak the other day.
He took all the steak.
It was just sitting out there.
Racking up another appearance.
Just puts him on the wet wheel.
None of us eaten yet.
You're going for your third burger.
Go ahead.
Have a third burger.
What are you doing?
Why aren't you talking?
What the hell is this?
There's always so much left over after.
You had 75% of the steak the other day.
Don't you guys eat it?
No, we're doing a show.
Okay.
Go ahead.
You can have it.
Have your burger.
Have your burger.
Have your third.
No, no, no.
Actually, don't have a fourth.
Have four burgers. Put some ribs on there while you're at it. Four. Some ribs. Have your burger. Have your burger. Have your third. No, no, no. Actually, don't have a fourth. Have four burgers.
Put some ribs on there while you're at it.
Four.
Some ribs.
Have four.
I want four.
What's in his pocket?
Why don't you eat four?
Probably more burgers.
Yeah, probably burgers and bread.
Billy's got like a fucking high school principal ass.
Oh, he's doing the shrug talk that he does when he knows he's 100% hot ass.
He just put three plain burgers on his plate with nothing else.
That's what Kyle's eating, right?
The vultures are out today.
We have the same habits now.
It's like a pack of gum in middle school.
Exactly like a pack of gum in middle school.
Don't ever want to offer it.
It's always a good person to have around The lady who has gum in her purse
Yeah
I'm kind of her
You are?
I've been keeping so much gum on me
You got any Big Red?
God no
I want shit that makes my breath smell better
Not that loses flavor in 10 seconds
You guys used to do the Big Red Challenge
On the bus when you were a kid
Oh
Oh you lick the wrapper
And you stick it on your forehead
And then it starts to burn
Yeah
Oh
And then it leaves a giant Like and you stick it on your forehead, and then it starts to burn. Who can keep it on? Because it burns.
And then it leaves a giant neon red rectangle on your forehead.
That was like a badge of honor.
You kept it on long enough.
I didn't know about that.
Damn.
It really burns. Did that see that?
Yeah, I was motioning.
Do you want me to go get some Big Red?
Yeah.
Go get some Big Red.
Yeah, it burns.
Burn my forehead?
Big Red wheel?
I kept a suction cup on my forehead
for like two hours
once and I had
the biggest bruise
on my face
11th grade
I have an interview
I have to do it too
Brandon you're gonna
this might kill you
spicy shit on your skin
oh you're right
anyone who has a migraine
walking migraine
put it on the wheel
this will probably
pull the migraine out of you.
What if this is the answer that I've been looking for for so many years?
Migraines are mysterious as hell, man.
That shit really sucks.
I don't like it.
Baycat, where did you see Federer?
At a bar in Red Hook.
So it wasn't like an event?
No.
Just happened to see him?
It was a very small, best burgers in Red Hook, Red Hook Tavern.
Like, maybe a 50-person restaurant?
It's like an Irish pub kind of vibe, and he was just sitting there.
I was like, fuck, that's Roger Federer.
Was it packed?
It was packed, jam-packed.
But yeah, I asked him for a picture after, and he held the umbrella for me.
So, kind of a cool guy.
Great guy.
Yeah.
He's a very good-looking guy.
Yeah.
You ever...
What would you say?
He's top 10 most recognizable athletes in the world?
Probably, yeah.
Because tennis?
I don't...
But I understand how ridiculous that sounds when you say it.
I think a lot of them might be soccer players.
Right, a lot of soccer players.
Probably soccer players, LeBron and Federer.
I didn't know Messi was on the home team.
You don't think so?
I had no idea he had accusations of autism.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
He had it all. He has boula yeah. Oh. He didn't at all.
He had Hasbulla shit, too.
I didn't know that.
Genetic disorder?
Hasbulla stuff?
Short.
He had that face?
I know Messi has autism compilations on YouTube.
Oh.
I never knew.
Yeah.
But people love to ascribe autism to-
Anyone who's good at something.
Yeah.
Anyone who's good at something.
Anybody who has a hobby is autistic now.
You're hyper-focused on basketball.
Kawhi Leonard's autistic.
There's tons of people who think Kawhi Leonard.
I just learned Holly from the...
She was married to Hugh Hefner or whatever.
One of the three.
Addison?
Autism.
Is that her name?
Really?
Addison, yeah.
She has autism?
They're just throwing around the autism.
If you need a new lease on life.
It's ADHD and autism.
No way she's autistic.
Apparently diagnosed.
That's the old theory.
Autism is just being a man.
The spectrum of autism is just men.
Every man has it.
It's just the most masculine men have it a lot.
Maybe.
I mean, it is like a very male-heavy.
Right, I mean, it's like a lot of not doing eye contact,
like touch.
That's not.
Being a man.
Not telling your kid you love him.
That's being a man.
You like that.
That is a big man.
I love him so much.
Too much.
Well, you are a little feminine.
I am. The least autistic guy I know. so much. Too much. Well, you are a little feminine. I am.
The least autistic guy I know.
Easily.
You may as well have a pussy on you.
How do you know I don't?
You're so unautistic, you may as well be a woman.
Yeah. You've seen the breasts.
How do you not know there's a pussy down there?
Yeah, I guess I've never really met a girl and been like she's autistic well it looks different
in women too I guess it's like totally different in girls yeah really like different symptoms
everything yeah I mean if at Holly woman's the baseline then it's just giant titties
gorgeous yeah I wish I had it to be honest yeah I'm different wait wait wait wait wait she likely has asperger's that doesn't mean
she has no self-diagnosing very there's no adult diagnosis i listened to a podcast and she went and
got checked out and i know there's no fit but like they said oh yeah you're on the oh okay you're an
adult you can just claim it if you go if you're an adult and you go and you get one of those tests
for add adhd autism i'd say probably 50 over 50 percent of people are coming back with one of
those things yeah there's the diagnoses are so fucking insane they're like oh we can't give out
opiates anymore we'll just give out amphetamines yeah let them up on speed dude i've talked about
before when i got diagnosed with ADD,
I was in
fifth grade and the test was like
seven hours of being like
press this button when you hear a beep.
And if you miss like four beeps,
they're like, yeah, you're mentally challenged.
Is your medicine?
And it's like, your parents were crying.
Yeah, it's like, how the fuck, like, I'm fucking
nine years old. How am I supposed to keep track of all these beeps?
Sounds like you sucked at the beeps.
I don't have ADD.
I don't have ADD.
It's as if you were shitty at the beeps.
It sounds like you were bored.
I was bored as hell.
It just goes beep and then you just press a button.
That's it.
Is that a little too tricky for you?
It's a form of torture.
It's like so fucking long and so many beeps.
And your parents are like,
well, we thought we did
everything right.
I know.
And then they put you
on the max dosage
of Adderall for 10 years.
And then one day you're like,
I think this is not helping.
Are you still on it?
No.
Dude, I weighed like 120 pounds
when I was in like 10th grade.
Because I was on Adderall
for so long.
That's not a bad one.
I don't think that's crazy.
It is.
Another vulture.
They pointed at it.
Yeah, we see it.
Yeah, we see what you're doing.
You guys see this out here?
Free food.
Purely untouched food.
Oh, I thought you guys were done.
Oh, sausage. I saw three burger patties
Oh you wanted to so bad
Made people look at it
Probably the meanest nickname ever
Abe calling Sage Sausage
Sausage
I like Sage
I do too
I'm saying it's a mean nickname
He rolls with it
Yeah
I mean what's your other option?
Yeah.
But he's just like.
And bullied by your boss?
Yeah, that's one of those ones you like, if you step outside of Barstool, you're like,
wait, they call one of the best sales guys Sausage?
Fair.
Those are the punches.
Only here.
I got a Jerry problem now, because Jerry's mad that I'm not making Frank go to the stream.
You just tweeted about it.
Yeah.
Really mad at Dan in the moment.
When I told I wasn't allowed to go to the Steelers playoff game, I begged him to go
and was told no, I had to be at the stream instead.
Frank shouldn't be allowed to go to the game.
Oh, man.
I hope they get fucking smashed.
He texted me last night.
He's like,
if you're a dictator,
you better dictate.
And I was like, what?
Has he made any tweets
about the Mincy thing?
No, I don't think so.
And said,
I wasn't allowed to say it,
but Mincy is.
Bullshit.
I don't know.
I'll have to deal with Jerry now. Frank is just a hard guy to... Yeah, you can't. This is bullshit. I don't know.
I have to deal with Jerry now.
Frank is just a hard guy to... Yeah, you can't.
He answers to no one.
He's a big alpha.
And he's older than you.
Oh, yeah.
He is.
That's the biggest point.
He just was like, yeah, I think I'm going.
Yeah, he didn't really even entertain it.
No, not even for a second.
And I kind of knew that was coming because i i hit him up
last night being like hey we're doing a stream i think you should be there and he didn't respond
i think he was just he knew he could beat me one-on-one in person he's in person yeah
he's just snacking on his mcdonald's he's like yeah i'm gonna go to the game
fuck don't know what to say here. He's the goat, dude.
He really is.
You can't.
He is the immovable object.
I'm going to try one more time.
I'm going to have no chance.
You've got to offer tickets, I think, to future games.
Think so?
Some kind of leverage.
You have to have some kind of...
What would you offer him?
Because if they win tonight
and they're in the playoffs still,
he's going to want him to stream again.
Yeah, shit.
So what do you offer him?
It's a bad precedent that he's doing right now
that I can't get out of.
Will he be going to the Knicks games too?
He's a Knicks fan.
He could just go to every single one.
Jenks does have his report that he's ready to do
at some point,
which I would like to see.
But, yeah.
Who didn't do it?
You.
Me.
Me.
The left side.
We didn't take free tickets from him.
We brought him.
Yeah, we brought him.
I took free tickets.
But he has Stu, Frank, Lenny, Kay, me, Brandon, Nick.
So, good report.
People are mad at me because of Jinx turning Frank into a Knicks fan.
Why are you involved?
Because I let him into the hen house.
He's the door.
There goes Frank right now.
About that time.
Get him in here.
Oh, God.
He's in the back.
Come back a little bit lighter.
Grab him when he comes out.
Get him in here. He's in the pooper. He's in the back. Come back a little bit lighter. Grab him when he comes out. Get him in here.
He's in the pooper.
He's in the pooper.
Yeah.
Man's gone to the pooper.
He must have won Barstool Beast to get that privilege.
Oh, yeah.
He's not going to win Barstool Beast this month.
Who won it last month?
Do we know?
Oh, I don't know.
April?
Oh, yeah.
We've got April.
Mets win April, but not May.
We're going to have to vacate that like Reggie Bush's Heisman.
That's your leverage.
What?
Barstool Beast?
You're out of Barstool Beast this month.
If you think that Frank gives a fuck,
good chance he doesn't know what that is.
I bet he does.
Oh, shit.
Frank reads every email, replies all to most emails,
and he'll read like Zenefits when it's people's birthday
and wish them happy birthday.
That's nice.
Yeah.
Really?
Attentive, good guy.
Maybe if I buy his tickets because he's so nervous
about a Rangers fan buying his tickets.
What if I bought his tickets?
No, he's not nervous about a Rangers fan.
He's using that as a defense, which is fine,
but I don't think he really cares about who sits in his seats.
He wants his ass to be in that seat.
You've been bested, man.
So be it.
I know.
I've got to hang it up.
It's one man.
Fleming has taken down the whole empire.
He's immovable.
Too much gravity.
Fuck.
Now I hope the Rangers win.
Here he goes.
Hey, Frank.
Hey, Frank. Fuck. Now I hope the Rangers win. Here he goes. Hey, Frank. Hey, Frank.
Frank.
Oh, damn.
Kyle, attack that door.
Can you guys back me up, please?
I don't know if I can.
I don't.
Well, it'll be a game time decision for me.
Help me out.
Help me out.
Help me out.
I'm going to hear both sides.
Help me out.
I kind of want him to go.
Fuck. He's coming.
He's confident, too.
Hey, Frank.
Hey, Frank.
We were talking about a little more.
I just...
Right there.
Right there.
You're fucked. So, Frank, we were talking. You're fucked.
So, Frank, we were talking about it a little more.
I really think you should come to the stream tonight.
Last year, I was tortured watching the Mets when I had tickets.
Wait.
They're not even making the playoffs this year.
They're a last place team.
Wait, but the Mets didn't make the playoffs last year.
I'm never good.
Oh, wait.
Wait, did the Mets make the playoffs last year?
They made the wild card.
You said that wasn't the playoffs.
They fucked it up.
I'm not giving up game seven seconds.
I don't want a Ranger fan.
All right, what if I bought the tickets off of you?
So that way no one sits in the seats.
I want to be there.
See?
He's got a point.
He can't do anything.
No point.
I mean, I'm taking Glennie.
That's good.
Devils have played.
You got season tickets, right?
I'm a season ticket holder.
How many games did you go to this year?
32.
Out of, what, 41 total?
Yeah, at least.
I went to at least 30.
I might have missed a game here or there being at Ruff and Rowdy.
You definitely wouldn't miss a game seven.
I would not miss a game seven.
So you would want to be there regardless of a loss.
Yes.
You want to be there for the moment.
What if I said you can't come to Ruff and Rowdy?
Oh, come on now.
I found something. No, I on now. I found something.
No, I'm not actually
going to say it.
I'm just...
What if Dan buys
your season tickets
for next year?
Fuck, Brandon.
Jesus Christ.
I mean, I...
I'm not even inching
up this negotiation at all.
I'm paying like
a couple hundred a month
for two seats.
That's the parking cost.
I can afford that.
All right. Have fun at the game. See's a parking test. I can't afford that. All right.
Have fun at the game.
See, Jerry's pissed.
I don't have a fight.
There's nothing I can do to this man.
See that Jerry's pissed, Frank?
I asked you guys to pack me up.
You guys gave me nothing.
How can we?
We have nothing.
It's game seven.
Right.
It's game seven against the Rags.
Right.
But that's when people want to see the stream.
We could have someone
to film reactions.
I could try to set up my camera somehow.
Okay.
Invested.
All right. Thank you, Frank.
Have fun at the game.
Frank wins.
I need this
The Mets
The Mets
Are the worst team
In the National League
No you don't get to
Rant about the Mets
If we're being honest
Dave says
It's
The way better stream
Is actually
Borelli vs. Glenn
Is Frankie here though
I think he's got a classic
Right
Borelli hates the Rangers
Way more than
The Devils
Is the stream
At Borelli's
Frank was going through it
Dan I folded He helped himself Through a couple In his voice More than time works the devils. Is the stream at Borelli's? Frank was going through it.
The stream's here.
Dan, I folded.
He helped himself to a couple of points. Pain in his voice.
You know, he got me.
There's nothing I can do.
The rough and rowdy thing was.
Yeah, that got him pretty good.
I didn't know he loved it that much.
Yeah, he loves it.
Oh, dude.
He just.
Favorite.
He goes and he says, are you ready to get rough and rowdy?
He bangs a couple ring girls.
Right.
Yeah.
Apply the pressure there.
You could.
I could have
But I don't have it in me
I'm soft
Weak
He just sat right
You see
It was very funny
Yeah
Right past it
I'm not missing a game seven
The way he said
I want to be there
He wasn't negotiating
No
I want to be there
I want to be there Fuck alright Grown negotiating. No. I want to be there. I want to be there.
Grown man making grown man
moves. We could all use a little bit of that.
Actually, yeah.
Is Frankie at a
classic right now? Yeah.
He's filling in for me.
What? Filling in for you?
Oh, yeah. I was out there all week.
Frankie is? Well, yeah.
We swapped
Sorry did I say something wrong?
No no no
That's not the most wrong thing we've heard today
Definitely not
Zod did you weigh in?
KB if I speak
If I speak
As Jose Mourinho says
If I speak
Yeah
Chill chill
Chill chill chill chill chill
I forget what Mourinho said
Can you spin the wheel TJ
Because I gotta go do an interview
Oh
You haven't made a shot in like two weeks
Shut the fuck up
He did he made one on Friday
You shut the fuck up
He made one on Friday
I just saw Frank back in
Oh my god this wheel is
Oh what the fuck Oh my god We need on Friday. I just saw Frank back in the morning. Oh, my God. This wheel is. Oh, what the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Are we adding a, I thought we were adding a bubble gum forehead or some shit.
Yeah.
Red forehead.
Oh, and you got to call a psychic.
Yeah, I do.
You want to call a psychic?
I do.
What?
As Brandon Walker.
What?
You added that.
That wasn't part of it.
No, I'm going to do it as you.
I want to see when you're going to die.
That'll be so sick.
I got to find a good psychic.
If anyone has a good psychic, wants to give it to TJ.
I hope nobody has a good psychic.
Who would have a good psychic?
People know that they're just going to tell you that you're going to live a long time,
so you keep on coming back to the psychic.
This is a good thing for you, Brandon.
This isn't me.
This is him being me.
Yeah.
Well, a good psychic will know. Actually, Rowan, I might need you to tap in on the voice. This is a good thing for you, Brandon. This isn't me. This is him being me. Yeah. Well, a good psychic will know.
Actually, Rowan, I might need you to tap in on the voice.
I'll write a script.
All right, say less.
Can we just book O's again?
That's not a psychic.
A mentalist.
Not a psychic.
It's a slap in the face to both those careers.
Yeah.
See some pretty cool tricks.
That is true.
Yeah.
I was watching some O's videos this weekend.
Love that guy. Jesus, boys. That is true. Yeah. I was watching some of those videos this weekend. Love that guy.
Jesus, boys.
This is bad.
Spin the wheel real quick.
Wait, we can't go 0 for as a show.
No one's made.
Am I adding big red forehead?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, big red forehead.
You can add it.
Or add it when we wheel reset.
We went 0 for.
Oh, no one made one.
Oh, no.
One more sheet.
One.
Yeah.
Oh!
I don't know if we have it in us to do that again.
We spin for the complimenter and the complimentee.
Tomorrow we'll do compliment minute.
Oh, very close.
Tomorrow we'll do a full compliment minute show.
This is going to be torture.
We got to figure out who's complimenting who.
Did we do the third ad?
No, I'm just leaving.
You guys keep yakking.
Everyone's throwing their papers.
Oh, yeah.
What's the high noon ad?
Rowan's got it in the back of his head.
New copy.
Oh.
I have one paper left.
Let's see if it's on here.
You don't have to spend now.
We'll do it tomorrow.
Why don't we find out who's going to let him agonize for 24 hours?
Oh, you want to see?
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
This is complimenter.
Or complimentee.
Who is this?
Wait.
How did we do it last time?
I think it was every...
Everyone went.
Everybody's going to have to compliment me again.
I'll be god damn.
No, we did it.
You have to compliment.
The first person compliments the next person and it goes in a circle until everyone's done.
The last person will compliment you.
Brandon goes first.
We'll see if it sneaks back around.
So then you're complimenting
this person.
Nice.
That would be fucking easy.
Complimenting Roan.
Compared to who?
Tell me who the second hardest person
to compliment would be
so we don't hurt feelings.
Spin it again?
We're doing the order now?
Yeah.
That's why I was saying
we should do it tomorrow,
but let's do it now, I guess.
The last time we did it,
it was like,
I think we pick the person and then you go, and then we spin.
Oh, okay, so Brandon will start it with complimenting Roan, and then we'll spin again.
It's off.
Yeah, correct.
Got it.
Oh, my God.
The last person will have to compliment me.
We'll see if we have enough time.
We'll see if we have enough time.
Y'all know what?
It does take so long.
Sucks that you went first.
Again.
What you doing, boy?
It's all good.
I'll put it in minutes. It sucks. This is brutal.
What can we talk about while boss is out?
Please.
So... I saw some blueprints for the new New York office.
Yeah.
There's a new New York office?
Oh, yeah.
What you stepping in?
That's cool.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it, bro.
But that shit looks fucking fly, bro.
Swimming pool.
Cold tub.
Cold tub.
Oh, come on.
Nice ass cold punch tub.
Private chef.
Massage tables.
Fuck.
Out back, out the ass crack.
That ain't right, man.
No.
That's fucking how it's supposed to be, man.
Rowan, have you found a house in Chicago yet?
No, I'm going to be homeless out there.
I heard there's a, you kind of have a better leg up on the whole society if you're the first one up.
The morning first one out.
Early bird gets the worm and all that.
And all that.
You got any friends that's talking a British accent to be funny, Brandon?
I don't have any friends.
My son does it, and he does it not to be funny.
He just does it.
I believe he wants to be British.
Do you have a good accent?
He was Irish all week last week.
Madonna was British for a while.
She was.
Who was Lohan?
Lohan was Arabic.
Oh, yeah.
Lohan was Arabic? Lohan was Arabic. Oh yeah. Lohan was Arabic?
Lohan was Arabic? It was a decent run too.
Middle Eastern accent. No, Lohan did.
She attempted to
speak in Arabic and all the people who
did speak were like, yeah, that was nothing.
There is a video.
Vincy was black
for a hot second.
Unacceptable behavior by him.
Truly.
That's Hilaria Baldwin.
She was doing
Spanish accent
and her name's
actually just Hillary
and she's just from
like Massachusetts
oh yeah
she did that for years
right
she still does it
she still does it
and there's old videos
of her just talking
completely normal
yeah
was Elizabeth Warren
the one who was like
one two hundredth
Native American
and she was like
I'm Native American
Trump called her
Pocahontas
yeah
she got into college because of that or something or she did something 200th Native American. And she was like, I'm Native American. Trump called her Pocahontas.
She got into college because of that or something?
Or she did something because of it.
I'm on Truth Social and I got bombed the other night.
And then a couple days ago, my wife was like,
what is this book of letters that Trump has written during his presidency?
I just got a big-ass coffee table book of all the letters that he wrote.
It's kind of fucking sick.
Is it sick?
That's a good coffee table book.
It's kind of fucking sick, dude. It's just interesting in a funny way.
Brandon, did you break your whole shit?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, my mic stand's been on life support for a while,
and they just keep, like, barely fixing it,
and now it's just completely broken,
so I'm just going to hold it like this.
You could just switch seats.
I could switch seats, couldn't I?
Bro, you know some people are moving to Chicago
this month for solely.
I'm going, my closing day is June 19th.
I hope to be out there by July 1st.
Why would it take
11 days for you to get out there? 12 days.
Kids got to finish school.
Got to have the moving van.
You got to load the stage coaches
is definitely going to do an instagram ad for free movers or something yeah
i'm totally trying to do that shit yeah i sure am i'm gonna i'm gonna cut every corner i can my god
frankie frankie versus glennie will happen on the stream tonight frankie is in town oh great
um and then i just was like, it's Frank.
Because now I just told Glennie he's going to the game,
and then I said, no, you're not going to the game.
So he's sad.
And I was like, blame Frank.
He started all this.
And now the dog is yelling at me, too.
So I got Frank and the dog yelling at me.
Why is the dog yelling at you?
I don't know.
Because he doesn't like the injustice of Frank going to the game.
So I got Frankie and the dog up my ass. Quite a day for me. He's not on Frank's side. No, he he doesn't like the injustice of Frank going to the game. So I got Frankie and the dog up my ass.
So he's on a day for me.
He's on Frank's side.
No, he hates that I'm not being stronger on Frank.
They have a longstanding rivalry.
Oh, Snide.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
What was Snidegate?
Don't be Snide.
It was during Jenga or one of the games.
Cornhole, right? Cornhole. It got be snide. It was during Jenga or one of the games. Cornhole, right?
Cornhole.
It got over the top.
It got heated.
That's why I don't like you, Nate.
You always have something snide to say.
What's those games?
Yeah, that was fun.
We did those whole things for a while.
Was that a colossal failure or what happened with that?
I thought it was good.
Yeah, I thought a lot of people watched those.
Might be coming back.
It might be.
In some...
Oh, that's right.
Some state.
Right.
Last time we were
in there playing,
it was like a Jenga tournament
and I was pretty pregnant
and me and my teammate won
and they got really excited
and they threw me up
on their shoulder.
And I was like...
I was so paranoid
they squished my baby and I went to the hospital. Oh my God. Went to the hospital. And they're like, like on my and i was like i was so paranoid they squished my
baby i went to the hospital oh my god to the hospital after and they're like what happened
and i was like who's a jenga game at work and yeah i was like so paranoid and they're like we've seen
a lot of this they're like you're completely fine you're just insane yeah i feel like it happened a
lot though but people getting really like just like those happened those were like daily oh yeah
that was every day it was like i was in the booth and i was just like those happened. Those were like daily. Oh, yeah. That was every day.
It was like I was in the booth and I was just like, Nick, you have six hours.
I was like, yeah, like I was there.
There was a lot of there was a lot of forgettable matches.
Matt Hardy versus Eric Escobar.
Nine in Rochester.
Right.
That was forgettable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I was quite I was actually doing an interesting phase for Matt Hardy.
That's when he was in his version 1.0.
Who won that?
Almost certainly Matt Hardy.
Yeah.
He's doing a goddamn thing where he's looked up all these obscure facts about WWE,
and he's just dropping one every time.
It's not true.
I'm just a bigger fan than you.
And I've been trumping you left and right.
You need a show, bro.
I know.
I'm the wrestling guy at Barstool.
You could make it fun.
You dropped something the other day that you thought you were,
oh, the Fandango thing, charting 11th on the British charts.
I knew that.
Didn't fucking know that.
And what's your chart in the U.S. then?
I didn't.
Oh, 22?
God damn it.
Have you been in his notebook or what?
That's not in his notebook.
But he doesn't know it.
I don't know you don't know it.
I like you saving it for hour two, though.
Oh, yeah.
What's that thing simmer?
I didn't fucking know it.
I don't know if it charted.
I think it charted about 22, 24 in the US.
I don't think it charted.
I don't think it did.
All right.
Whatever.
How was that hamburger?
It was great
Really?
I'm gonna snack on it
I'm definitely gonna have one
I want those ribs
Joey left any
There's more and more getting taken
Shrimp out there is delicious
You bastard
I hope Billy enjoys his quad burger
His full pounder
Four quarter pounders
Stacked on top of each other
The bun, the cheese And and the burger is all burger
I went to a fundraiser on Friday night in Chicago
And they had like a
Not a silent auction where you hold up a thing
And there was Taylor Swift tickets
Up for auction
And 85 grand
For Taylor Swift
Are you already part of society in Chicago?
Yeah
I hit you go out there and you got to a fundraiser That looks fun for Taylor Swift. Are you already part of society in Chicago? Yeah, it sounds like you're just like a member of the community.
I hate to go out there and you get to a fundraiser.
That looks fun.
We should check it out while we're in town.
I have family out there, and so they're like, come with.
They're rich.
Integrated in the community.
They do okay?
They do okay.
$85,000 for a Taylor Swift ticket.
Yeah, $85,000.
And that's just like the sit in the stands maybe?
To clarify, it was for a suite.
But still.
You see the Kelly Keeg suite about that suite of the chief's owner's daughter's friends
who were there at the concert?
That was insane.
Those bedazzled cups.
It looked pretty fucking insane.
It looked pretty sweet.
It looked pretty great.
How do you get a friend like that?
That's what I...
And they all wrote their names on the shirt,
but all I could think is, like,
there's definitely a couple girls on this shirt
that they don't like, that not everybody likes,
and you have to wear that shirt forever
with everybody's name on it.
Yeah.
I throw it out.
Cookies, like, with song titles on them and shit.
It looked awesome.
It looked...
Someone definitely got in trouble for eating the cookies
that they were supposed to be decorative.
For touching any of the decorations, yes.
100% looking up where it charted.
Hmm. It's not that big of a deal where it charted anyway.
It's pretty impressive, nonetheless.
Sass, you got a bunch of junk in your wallet, bro.
Yeah, I know.
That's an old man's wallet.
Is this?
Yeah, it looks like a wallet of somebody who's 35
and pays a lot of bills.
I pay a lot of bills.
Very late.
Dude, I know.
Fucking emailing my landlord at 2 in the morning last night being like, how do I pay rent?
Because I've never paid rent here.
In the city.
I've never paid rent at this place.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's your first month.
Yeah.
Probably just like a portal.
What is it, Zell?
Dude, they sent your first month. Yeah. Probably just like a portal. What is it, Zelle? Dude, they were like, they sent me like an invoice or a bill, whatever, for the rent.
And then it was like an option to print it out and write your email on it and send that with the check so in future months you can do the e-bill.
And I was like, there's got to be an easier way to do the e-bill than me mailing in
what my email address is.
Like I could just tell them,
I could just call and be like,
hey, this is my email address.
I didn't follow all that.
You always have the most complicated situation.
I don't understand.
I don't know, dude.
Shit is so easy for me to pay my rent.
It's literally an automatic payment.
Yeah.
Never have to do it.
I used to have to send in physical mail,
which was weird.
It's so annoying when they have to do that.
Someone's cheating the law if you're doing some shit like that.
There was in my one apartment in Queens
I fucked it up a couple times and the guy
was like if you don't have it to me in the next
five hours blah blah. So I'd have to
take the train into the city. I'd have to
bring it to his house. Yeah that's what I
did in my old apartment. I would have to bring
it up to Upper West Side every single month.
I had to take it to his fucking mansion. Yeah. I'd be like old apartment. I would have to bring it up to Upper West Side every single month. I'd have to take it to his fucking mansion.
Yeah.
Like, yes.
I'd be like, this is for Bruce.
Some dude.
And some dude would be like, I will give it to Bruce.
Yeah, like a pack of dudes just waiting there.
Alfred?
Yeah.
Is he Bruce Wayne?
Yeah.
I keep like four months in a row now.
I have my old rent written on the whiteboard,
so every month I look over, I'm like, that's the amount I owe.
And I forgot it got raised 200 bucks,
and like four months in a row now I've fucked it up.
And she has to think I'm like fucking with her at this point
that I keep, and I just did it again.
You don't really have to pay it on time.
No.
Anything.
I mean, your credit, sometimes I ding your credit, though.
True, I don't have a credit card.
That shit is whack, but you will probably need it once you move to Chicago and have to buy a house with a spiral staircase or on a body of water.
I'm panicking.
I'm just leaving it up to fate.
If we get the house, I'm just going to roll with it.
You got to.
Even though it seems like a very dumb.
You're going to fall down the stairs.
Oh, it's going to be terrible.
What seems dumb about it?
The stairs are the biggest problem?
No, the whole place
is just fucking weird.
It sounds like you don't even like your home.
I like the
neighborhood.
She's all block party-ish.
I did.
She wants to make brownies for all the kids on the block.
Yeah.
Why don't you start with making brownies for us?
Yeah, we could start there.
Try it on us.
There's already a mom that does that here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, she's got banana pudding cookies.
They're great.
They're so good.
You have one?
There was only two left when I went into the kitchen.
She has some bonus ones on her desk.
Fuck her.
She just skedaddled.
Yeah, they're amazing.
They're really good.
Do you guys sit on the plane?
Where did they come up with that shit?
Oh, yeah.
What was that?
Sit peeing down.
I do the, like, press my forehead.
That's what they said, brother.
Watch the clip.
Sit peeing down?
There's no space to sit, is there?
I don't know.
I don't know how I would even sit.
Our new Mean Girls clip, they said they heard that it's common for men to sit and pee on planes.
I've never heard that.
Maybe.
I'm not – maybe.
Have any of you?
I do what you just said.
I put my entire body up against the wall.
Guys sit peeing down on airplanes.
Just piss everywhere.
What?
Yeah, guys most of the time sit peeing down on airplanes.
Can they just, like, tuck it?
Well, you know guys can sit peeing down.
Yeah.
Why does she keep saying it?
Well, I think the turbulence or something like probably
makes it hard to aim i told you that uh this girl texted it to me and then i decided i would
research it of course you would i feel like you always use like anecdotal things as like a like a
broad statement one person told you that they see sitting down and she's like did you did you know
guys pee sitting down and i'm like one person told
no someone commented on something like this blonde somehow makes us all think that she studied every
time there's some phone thugs in harmony and i was like wait a second she's really good at that
um i get it it's when you lose balance it's hard to up. But when have guys ever cared that they're peeing everywhere?
Especially in public.
I can't even stand up in one of those.
So you do sit and pee?
What I do is I hunch and I
lean my knees against it and
I lean forward. It's a weird looking
thing. Dick too big.
Dick too big for the damn plane.
I'm 6'5". The ceiling in there is
it's not high.
No.
As a guy who sits down
and pees fairly regularly,
especially at home, I always stand up and pee
on the train or the plane.
It's a little bit of freedom. Yeah.
A little danger. Now, peeing on a plane...
I've peed on a plane twice in my life.
You're scared of everything airport related, right? And peeing on a plane you peed on a plane twice in my life you're scared of everything airport related right and peeing on a plane's got to be anxiety inducing no because
then i get to walk past the flight attendants because i just stare at the flight attendants
when i'm on the plane to make sure they're not nervous okay and uh so i get to go up there and
just like really get their aura yeah those women don't fear death, though. Amen. They're like the bravest souls that we have in our country.
Like, even if it is really dangerous,
they're like laughing and chewing gum
and like talking about like the affair they're going to have
and whatever.
The affairs are crazy.
Every one of them will.
We have really bad turbulence.
There's not one who won't.
United Atlanta, huh?
Fucking a rapper.
Decatur.
Adamsville.
What do you think is harder?
Peeing on a plane with a little bit of turbulence
or peeing with the lights off?
If you're peeing with lights off,
I don't think you care.
I think you accept the risk.
I think the turbulence,
if you lean on the wall a little bit,
if you can get a steadying force on the wall,
you'll steady your whole apparatus.
We hit a really bad landing yesterday, and the guy behind me was dry heaving into the—he was like—
It was so bad, my eyes were starting to roll in my head.
He was making that sound?
Yeah.
You sure he just didn't say a no-no word?
Yeah.
It's like you know what he did
you ever watch those
old G.I. Joe
voiceover videos
yes
remember pork chop
sandwiches
that was like the
first internet video
I've ever seen
where the guy's like
pork chop sandwiches
god I loved those
that's a deep cut
I guess
anyway
I'm having spells today where I can't open my eyes Deep cut, I guess. Anyway.
I'm having spells today where I can't open my eyes.
Is that a bad sign?
Dude, I... Oh, you have the COVID pink eye.
God damn it.
No, I don't.
There's a COVID pink eye?
He was here last week.
Just so you know.
There's COVID pink eye.
Guys, I think I've had COVID for two weeks straight.
Yeah.
I feel so bad
right now.
You sound nervous.
It started at the beginning of Prick Central.
I couldn't open my eyes for about four seconds. I'm so anxious right now.
I think because I stopped weed. Really?
Yeah. Or is it because of that big-ass
zin in your pocket that's bleeding into
your skin? Like that guy that was running away from the
cops with acid.
I'm nervous right now.
I gotta go to the doctor.
What the fuck is the doctor gonna tell you?
You're leaving for Iceland tomorrow.
You're just gonna take it to those indigenous people
up there and wipe them out like thieves.
You're gonna wipe out a country.
I'm convincing myself that
being out there will help.
I think it will.
Are you able to drink still and stuff? Not will. Are you able to drink still and stuff, or not really?
What?
Are you able to drink still and stuff, or not really?
I'm going to get destroyed.
Drink regardless.
No, you'll be fine.
You've been abusing your body for quite some time.
I'm guessing not.
That's a heavy drinking culture, or no?
I think.
I don't think they drink.
They don't drink at all during.
Francis told me they don't drink at all during the week,
but on the weekends they black out from Friday,
and then they don't sleep because it doesn't get dark.
So they stay awake,
and then they go straight back to the bars on Saturday
when they open up again.
Okay.
Their pineal glands are fucked up more than Brandon's is.
With your dumbass gland.
So help me God if you give me COVID pink eye.
I don't have COVID pink eye.
Why can't you open your eyes?
I had pink eye last week.
I don't know.
It's been like two different times today where I couldn't open my eyes.
You're going to wake up tomorrow and your eyes are just going to be red.
Zone shut.
I don't have COVID pink eye.
Broden, you saw mine last week.
I was wearing glasses all last week on this show.
So you gave me COVID pink eye.
Probably, dude, but I just can't miss work anymore.
Nick was patient zero like four weeks ago.
I was the sickest human on earth during the case race.
I've been sick since the case race.
Whatever you gave me is just tearing through my system.
I beat it in like two days.
You texted, yeah, I texted you.
But you're just the unhealthiest.
Me and you were both sick.
We were both.
And I got through it like that.
You didn't.
You had it for like over a week.
Over a week.
Dude, you had it from Monday, and then when we were in Austin on Friday,
you were telling me that you were waking up soaked in sweat
and having to change shirts.
That's because of my alcohol abuse.
No, that's because of alcohol abuse.
No, that's from being sick.
I never got a fucking punk in my eye.
I probably had some different shit.
What was that noise?
I'm struggling, man.
And you got a lot of work to do over the next couple days.
When Tyler was sending me my schedule.
Wait, can you get on a plane and go to Iceland if you're this sick?
The thing is, I'm not this sick.
I'm sick enough
to be not having a
good time right now, but I'm not sick enough to be
staying home from work and
not going to this Iceland trip
that I've had planned for months.
You're going to be hiking and stuff, right?
Out in nature? We're not going to be
doing too much hiking. We're going to be doing a lot of fishing.
Oh, that'll be...
Are you going up toward the Arctic
Circle? No, we're
not going that far north.
You're staying in one spot.
We're moving around every day.
I think it's to brown trout.
I think they have some of the biggest brown trout
in the world there.
I don't think we can
go that far north
because it's still early in the season.
The roads are still frozen.
Some of the roads are still fucked.
You'll still get to see the cool volcanic terrain, though.
Yeah.
I heard the Blue Lagoon, though,
it might be a little bit overrated,
but there are similar places to the Blue Lagoon
that are nicer and less expensive.
Yeah.
Is that true?
Yeah.
They say don't get your hair wet.
Did you see that?
Yeah, or it will ruin your bathing suits and shit.
It fucks up your hair for weeks afterwards.
It's like this crazy hair that you can't fix.
That's awesome, though.
You should do that.
Yeah.
It might be good on you.
It might be good.
Yeah.
Hat guy.
Yeah, they...
I don't think we're going to do the Blue Lagoon, dude.
I looked it up.
It's like $80 to $100 depending on the time of day per person.
And then the beers are like $15.
And you just
pay it to get into this? To get in.
There's like a hotel there, I think, too, that
some people stay at. There's like a resort.
Do you have your hotels booked?
They're camping. Oh, you're camping.
Camping in Iceland.
That's awesome. What I'm worried about, though.
I'd be worried about that.
You should probably worry about that. You don't know what's camping. Camping in Iceland, that's awesome. What I'm worried about, though, I'd be worried about that. You should probably
worry about that.
It's a whole other country.
You don't know what's camping.
So the red eye,
not a red eye.
You bet on the red eye.
The red eye,
it's,
I fly out at 8 p.m.,
it's like a four and a half
hour flight.
You're going to get there
at like six in the morning?
Wait,
to Iceland?
Yeah.
It's four and a half hours?
It's like,
it says it's five and a half,
it's going to be four and a half. It's never the full time. It's always like 45 minutes to Iceland? Yeah. It's four and a half hours? It's like, it says it's five and a half. It's going to be four and a half.
It's never the full time.
It's always like 45 minutes to an hour shorter.
And, dude, that's not enough time for a red eye.
What's the time difference?
I'm assuming four or five hours, right?
Like London's five hours ahead.
Yeah, it's probably close to that.
Take off at 8 a.m. and get there at 8 p.m.
Why don't you guys swing on over to Iceland after London?
All right. You can camp with them don't you guys swing on over to Iceland after London Alright
Camp with them?
Would you guys camp with Sass?
Kyle's gotta go to the embassy right now
Would it be just you then? Alone?
I think Tommy Smokes is in the batter's box
What are you guys going to London for?
They need man on the street for the coronation man
Oh damn, that'll be cool
They need it
Kyle's just gonna get drunk off some British beers and disappear anyway That'll be cool. They need it.
Kyle's just going to get drunk off some British beers and disappear anyway.
He's going to be slurring his words.
That's somebody else's job now.
You going to meet up with troops?
Honor the days.
Yeah, you're not even going to... I think you'd kill it out.
You've got to do your British slang out there.
Yeah, you've got to.
Or pick up some new shit.
Repopulate your brain with new slang.
I was asking, is Troops going to meet up with you?
We'll reach out.
We reached out to him, and I guess Patty's hurt.
Oh.
Yeah, and he's on a scooter.
Think?
He's not going to meet up with you guys?
I don't know.
No way they're meeting up.
You go to a random city, and someone who you know,
who you don't hang out with ever
do you still hit them up?
No. People do that. I got dinner with a guy
I haven't seen in eight years. I want to be in New York.
We never hung out anyway.
I never do that.
It's a good thought. Be like oh if you're ever in New York
hit me up.
But it's tough to bring
to fruition. I got a text from a random number
that was my home area code.
I was like, hey, I'm in New York.
Let's grab some drinks.
And I responded back, about fucking time.
Were you just pulling up like,
I don't know who this is going to be?
I don't have a clue.
It's insane.
No, no, this is another person.
I knew I had his number.
This text I got yesterday.
So I'm going to go meet up with them tonight.
New York tradition.
Don't be off. You have to. How are you going to figure meet up with them tonight. New York tradition. Yeah, you have to.
How are you going to
figure out who it is?
Show up.
I saved the name
as something
and then go to Snapchat
and look at my contacts.
What?
It'll reveal their
Snapchat name
and you won't be able
to tell.
What if they have
like a weird Snapchat name?
What if it's not their name?
Yeah, that could be the case. You just gotta show up fierce.
You gotta commit a full night to them.
But I could have said, who's this?
I could have.
No, it's painful to say who's this.
This sounds like the start of
a really good meet-cute.
Dude, I say, who's this?
Or you're gonna die.
I feel like 90% of the time that you say, who's this?
They reply with like, ha, ha, ha.
What is the, you wish you knew.
Text me the last four digits because I memorize it a lot.
Seriously?
Sixth grade, yeah.
I have all of your guys' numbers memorized.
Just in case of emergency.
Remember your home phone?
Yeah.
I have the last four digits of both of your numbers memorized.
No, you don't. Yes, I do. You can say it. You want me to say it? Wait, what? I don't believe you do. I have the last four digits of both of your numbers memorized. No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
You can say it.
You want me to say it?
Wait, what?
I don't believe you do.
I have 811.
Oh, fuck.
Want me to say yours?
Oh, really?
Those are the most identifying numbers.
What?
I don't have contacts on my laptop.
Oh.
Yeah.
What do you fancy about, Brandon?
I don't know.
Dude, dude.
It's this fucking disease that we're going through right now.
I don't know.
There's a worm in your brain.
It is strong.
I'm a little foggy today.
Dude, you're sick.
We're all sick.
We've all been sick.
You are sick.
I'm not sick.
Brandon, you're going to wake up tomorrow. Your migraine is's gonna be the worst migraine you've ever experienced in your life
never once said you had a migraine this whole time i've had a headache for two weeks straight
bullshit you just went through i went through an entire bottle of advil when i was in austin
and that was in one day he was trying to kill himself i was doing the ad on pick central i was
i was welcoming people to the show
And my eyes shut
And I couldn't open them
And I couldn't get it back
Your eyelids aren't strong enough
I passed the sheet to Ev
And I said hey you gotta read this
I don't understand what's happening
Your eyes just shut
That would freak the fuck out
That's a scary thing.
This happened to me before.
I was out at a party.
It was like the Marine Corps birthday here,
so I was out at some big Marine Corps steak dinner,
and I was like, man, I said to the guy next to me,
I feel crazy, but my eyelids feel like garage doors shutting,
and I cannot keep them open no matter what I do.
I was like, this is super weird.
And all night long, my eyes kept shutting,
and I wasn't even that drunk.
I was like, something's like...
Were you just tired? No, well, so the next day, This is super weird. And all night long, my eyes kept shutting. And I wasn't even that drunk. I was like, something's like.
Were you just tired?
No.
Well, so the next day, I was supposed to drive all the way out to Ohio for some family thing.
And I get, I'm on the Cross Bronx Expressway or whatever.
And my eyes, I'm driving just shut.
I like could not.
I was like this.
I have pictures of it that I think I tweeted out where I like had to pull over to the driving and you couldn't see so you started taking pictures well no so i pulled over on the side
of like on the emergency side and i put on my blinkers and i was like i literally can't
with my blinkers on i drove two miles an hour to the bronx va i had to leave my car out front and
i was like can someone help me i like can't see and it was uva it's your eyeballs swell and it
makes your eyes shut it's like some crazy
random thing how did you what happened what did you do i had to wear it was like it became really
painful too they give you like three different kinds of eye drops and you have to wear like i
was oh was that when you're a big glasses yes i had to wear like the big crazy sunglasses for
like a week and a half before it finally went away but like my eyes just is it contagious not
open it was crazy.
That sounds bad.
Imagine Sass going on this picturesque
vacation and Brandon,
you can't open your eyes.
Brandon, you bastard.
It was terrible.
It's like a Back to the Future thing.
Mints messing up is erasing me.
We're going to start to try and play Johnny B. Goode on the guitar.
I'm going to go to shit.
I don't feel so good.
Disappear into thin air.
You know that new word you've been looking for?
I think I found it. Listen to this.
This is the future.
Oh, gross.
All right.
All right.
Should we call it?
Let's call it.
One more ad.
What's that ad, Rome?
I can't see it.
I don't know it off top.
Kate, you've got to have it in your hands.
I don't know if they want me to do it.
They must want you to do it.
Just because you've talked to me before?
Yeah.
It's out of the room.
I don't know if they want a prego read and a booze read.
Oh.
If you are a tequila lover who was never satisfied with malt hard seltzer offerings,
you are going to love New High Noon Tequila Seltzer.
It's a premium hard seltzer made with real tequila and real juice.
And it's got a clean finish because it's made with real blanco tequila,
which of course means blanco tequila.
Also 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugar.
And they've got a bunch of good flavors for you.
High Noon Tequila Seltzer, now available nationwide in four bright, crisp flavors.
Strawberry, lime, grapefruit, and passion fruit. I
had some over my house last weekend. Some friends were over, and they could not stop raving about
the strawberry. They were going nuts about the strawberry, and that's a rare high noon flavor.
That's a really nice one that you're going to enjoy. High noon tequila seltzer is great for
outdoors, especially
around the pool, lake, beach, golf,
or tailgating. And you can look for them
on Drizzly or at your local convenience
or liquor store or visit
highnoonspirits.com
to find some near you.
Neagle's got a lot better run.
Yeah. And Kate. Yes.
How awesome was that draft?
I mean, the Steelers got better.
They got a lot better.
Every team got better, I'd imagine.
Except for the Lions.
Every team get worse.
The Lions.
The Lions might have.
What happened?
Got rid of their running back and then drafted another running back a little bit high.
Too high.
Lions actually, I think, had a decent draft.
They just did it kind of out of order.
They got a head and hooker, too, didn't they?
They did.
Brian Branch.
Wow. That tight end from Michigan. It's a little out of order. They got Hennon Hooker too, didn't they? They did. Brian Branch. Wow.
That tight end from Michigan.
It's a little out of order.
Yeah.
It's a good draft.
It's a little bit out of order.
Speaking of out of order.
You guys have an episode coming out?
Oh, a new one?
No.
You don't have an episode coming out this month?
Oh, yeah, this month.
I don't know when.
I saw a clip and it was very good.
Yeah.
They were working on it hard.
Pavs, Tyler, Owen, in the lab.
You killed that.
You were meant to play that role.
The one that we did last week?
Thank you.
That one was funny.
Still is.
Still fucking is.
It's going to be a classic. It aged funny. Yeah. Still is. Still fucking is. It's going to be a classic.
It aged well.
Yeah.
That's going to be a freaking classic.
Where the hell's Brandon going?
Get his eyes propped.
Propped open?
Tape his eyes open?
He's going to be coming in and doing next show like Clockwork Orange.
Got the jaws of life on him.
Wait, is he just leaving?
Who the hell?
What is he doing?
Yeah, why are you going?
Weirdo.
Did he just get up and leave?
Did he think that we were going to notice?
Where the hell are you going?
Yeah, where are you going?
Going home.
Going home?
It's 2 o'clock on a Monday.
That's correct.
Brandon, you can do anything today.
This is your day.
That's a good point. You can do is your day. That's a good point.
You can do anything you want.
That's a great point.
Why are you going home so early?
A girl has a softball game that got rained out on Friday.
Oh, okay.
Four o'clock.
Got to be on the 239 train.
Any other questions?
What was that?
No, what was that?
Too many noises, man.
Four o'clock softball game that you have to be at?
That's my daughter. I do
support that. Thank you.
I'm just looking for... Okay, I support
that. Josh said the show was ending or else I wouldn't have
walked out. We had to do this big-ass
ad. What time's
the Sixers game? 7.30.
Stream tonight. So,
you know, check it out.
Let's go to the game. Huh? Let's go to the game. Huh?
Let's go to the game.
Boston?
You think I could make it on time?
And Boston.
I'm not on the freaking flyer.
They did me like Nick at the NFL Draft show.
They got Max and Hank.
Oh, man.
Jeez.
EMT just tries to make Max look like an idiot, dude. He's smarter than all the dudes on that show.
You just need a freaking whipping boy to fall into his role,
or else they'll fire him.
Not right.
That shit ain't fucking right, man.
Ain't right.
I got Max's back, dude.
We're ready for fucking war tonight.
Yep.
Rooting for you guys.
Real?
Yeah, big time.
I love the Celtics, though, as a roster.
What do you think about Harlow saying he's the second best white rapper?
He is.
What?
Who's better?
Mac Miller? Cena.
What?
John Cena?
John Cena?
Huh?
Alright, should we end the show?
Or do you guys want to go for a little bit longer?
Down for whatever.
All right, let's just call it, bro.
All right.
Is that cool?
I'm cool with that.
Are you guys cool with that?
Kate, you all right with that?
Yeah, I'm okay.
I'm going to have some hamburger, too.
Grab some out back.
Let's have some hamburger after the show's over, not into the mic,
and kind of just enjoy ourselves on our own.
Love that.
Love that for us.
All right, see you guys.W. Callahan's boy, Dylan.