The Yak - Special Guest Alex Shares His Wild Heart Transplant Journey | The Yak 9-13-22
Episode Date: September 13, 2022Brandon is a cowardYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's Scorpion It's time to talk shop and do what you can swap It's Scorpion
Welcome into Scorpion
Oh that was the best
You guys want to see this video I saw of a guy die last night
Yeah
You filmed it
I killed him
What the fuck was that?
Did we play that again?
Did everyone bring a video?
I have a morbid one.
I have a whole Twitter account.
This girl on Xanax crashed her car.
Sister died.
She comes out completely unaffected and indifferent.
Despite that.
It's Scorpion.
It's Scorpion.
It's time to go shopping. Do what you can swap. It's Scorpion. It's Scorpion. It's time to go shopping.
Do what you can swap.
It's Scorpion.
The owl.
Holy fuck.
I've ruled.
Welcome back to Scorpion.
We should do, like, one Scorpion episode a month where we do, like, just...
Get some shit off our chest.
Yeah, just be fucked up
yeah do fucked up shit oh my god oh this show's so much better
keep them coming boys scorpion scorpion
it's time to talk shop We should like beat up Pete
Yeah
We should
Yeah like Scorpion
Episode 1
We have Pete FaceTime his family
And then beat the fuck out of them
In front of them
This actually sucks
For the first full episode of Scorpion
Because we have a Make-A-Wish guy coming in
Oh yeah
Make-A-Wish
Unless we fuck with him
Yeah it's like our most heartwarming episode.
Yo.
Damn it.
Wait, put that banana peel on the ground. Yeah, I should.
Steven's out because he has pink eye.
Yes. Uh-uh.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Dave took one look at him and was like,
dude, you got pink eye. He's like, no, I don't.
And then I got a text from him like
an hour later. He's like, hey, I think I have pink eye. I'm going home and I was like, dude, you got pink eyes. He's like, no, I don't. And then I got a text from him like an hour later.
He's like, hey, I think I have pink eye.
I'm going home.
He was like in everybody's vicinity talking.
Oh, dude, we talked to him.
I didn't notice his eye was pink.
Steve and I Eskimo kiss every morning.
Yeah.
He just goes right up.
Butterfly kiss.
Butterfly kisses.
Yeah, he just goes like that.
Right on my cheek.
So he's probably good because we butterfly kiss too.
Yeah, I know.
What's Eskimo? The butterfly effect. Eskimo's nose. Butterfly butterfly kiss too Yeah I know What's Eskimo
The butterfly effect
Eskimo's nose
Butterfly's eyelashes
Yeah
Okay
You want to Eskimo kiss me
Well how long do you
Stay out of work for pink eye
I can't
I can't Eskimo kiss you
I think it's like a week
I can't Eskimo kiss you
Really
Do it
I don't want to Eskimo kiss you
Come on it's Scorpion
Scorpion
You Eskimo
Eskimo kiss your bros on on, it's Scorpion. Scorpion. You ask him how he kissed. I mean, ask him how he kissed on Scorpion.
Ask him how he kissed your bros on the show.
It's Scorpion.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
They're about to kiss.
It's Scorpion.
Oh!
That was so Gabriel.
What are you doing, bro?
I can't believe you let me kiss you.
God damn, that pumps me up.
Yeah, it does.
We're accidentally gay.
Whoops.
But nothing's gay on Scorpion.
There's nothing more metal than being gay. The only tale we chase is our gay on Scorpion. There's nothing more metal than being gay.
The only tale we chase is our own on Scorpion.
That's right.
Oh, man.
What's up, guys?
Good to see you guys.
Now it's a Scorpion visual.
This show's awesome.
KB, do you actually have that video or what?
We're also going to just scorpion.
We're never going to do anything different.
We're just going to be like scorpion rules.
Yeah.
Imagine if that would rule.
That's the entire scorpion.
Should we put out scorpion coins?
If you see us, you get to fuck our ass.
Yeah.
If you see us in public, you have to fuck our ass right then and there.
Brandon, how are you feeling after that kiss?
Another one?
I feel okay.
Fucking beautiful lips.
I wouldn't mind watching somebody else's kiss.
I came up with Kate's punishment instead of shiny bald.
Just Skrillex.
So she just shaves the side of her head. Yeah.
And so she still can wear a haircut, but it will obviously look out of place.
So just a Skrillex haircut.
I like that a lot.
Love that.
Fuck her, that's why.
You know what I mean?
Scorpion.
Scorpion vibes.
Once again, she was down to shave her head, though.
She was.
I know, but that's...
At least she gets too far.
Yeah, she won't traumatize her kid that much.
She might be able to start making sick-ass beats.
Can we get Skrillex on the yak?
Yes.
We could.
Roan knows every musician.
No, not Skrillex. KB has a better chance
of knowing Skrillex
than me. Have you?
You have a group chat with all the musicians, Roan?
Yeah, it's me and
Drizzy.
John Mayer.
And Popcon. Who's Pop Mayer. And PopCon.
Who's PopCon?
It's Ozboy.
What are you doing, Oz?
PopCon.
That's the international sign of PopCon acknowledgement.
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
I like that.
Poppy, he's a giant.
Yeah, I want in on that.
You want in on PopCon?
Yeah.
Yeah, dude, you got to listen to some Poppy.
Scorpion.
It's not.
I don't know if they would fuck with Scorpion down in Jamaica, though.
Yeah.
I'd like to see some daggering videos to fucking Scorpion.
Oh, yeah.
Daggering was such an awesome phase.
To Scorpion?
Just daggering chicks like off the search.
Is there any bars or clubs in New York that has daggering?
I don't know, but can we watch a daggering video?
It's basically violently dry humping.
Violently.
It's awesome.
It's like the heat of partying.
You can't party harder.
It's the highest level of partying. No party partying harder would just be sex no i don't even think sex is as aggressive as
yeah daggering i would be i would rather my girl be penetrated oh yeah go out and get daggered yeah
oh here we go oh he's getting ready what did he just just do? Let's go, Whoopi. Oh, my God.
Why are they on a roof?
You're always on a roof.
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Air bomb.
That wasn't daggering.
That was...
That has to hurt your dick, right?
Or her tailbone.
What's...
Oh, she's up.
She's up.
She's going to fucking reverse it.
What's that painting of his...
Oh, Bob Marley.
Is he on a wall?
Yeah. Damn. What's... Oh, there Marley. Is he on a wall? Yeah.
Damn.
Oh, there's his belt.
Did she whip him?
No, no.
No.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
This is hot.
This is Scorpion.
This is Scorpion at its finest.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, my God.
We must have done this on this show before.
We must have watched Dagger.
Oh, he's coming back.
This is wrestling.
This isn't traditional Daggering.
This might just be...
This is hardcore Daggering.
This is a fight.
This is ECW Daggering.
This is ECW.
This is ECW of foreplay.
He's even writhing.
He's like selling it.
That's a preposterous amount of people to watch this.
Not enough.
Oh, yeah.
Usually the crowd's bigger.
Oh!
Is she going to fuck him through the roof?
I don't know, but if his dick's hard, it's dead.
Let's see some more daggering.
Woo! She got four feet in the air. No testicles. Let's see some more dag ring.
She got four feet in the air.
Scorpion.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
This is more traditional dag. Oh, I've seen this.
Okay.
Yeah, we've watched this.
Ten months ago.
Ten months ago.
Is he going to backflip off that now?
Oh.
Zai, you said it goes down to Brooklyn?
Where at? Flatbush?
Oh, yeah. Flatbush.
Oh!
Bed-Stuy.
Bed-Snatch.
I want this to be on the wheel, that you have to go there.
You have to go dagger.
You have to go or be daggered.
Yeah.
It's a big community in Mount Vernon, too.
So north of the Bronx.
Can you show us some more?
Are you Googling this, or is this just off the top?
So my sister-in-law's family
out there. She's Jamaican.
Does she get daggered? She used to, yeah.
She got wiped up?
Yeah, she took me to one of the
I've actually seen it in person in Kingston
and that is wild.
Can we see like a PG
dagger? Just to get our
understand what, because this is like this is shit
none of us could this is pro stuff i'm asking if we could see some white people what's like
what's like the first yeah let's intro to dagger yes yeah what's their wiki how on dagger
ah they're just wearing white oh jesus christ that's oh whoa oh oh oh oh jesus christ That's – Oh. Whoa. Oh. Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ.
This is wild.
Their core stability is insane.
I could see Che getting into this.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, because this is a lot of big guy moves.
I want a dagger.
Exclusively.
Yeah.
I want a dagger.
You ought to be able to big guy move to dagger.
AB, their core stability, no?
You're not impressed?
I'm very impressed.
I would like to do it right now.
I'll volunteer as getting daggered.
Wait, so someone's going to jump on you?
Ebony.
You know who would be good?
Spider.
Maybe spin the wheel and see who has to dagger KB.
Should we add everybody in the office?
Get Spider in here so we can practice.
Okay.
Title is teaching
daggering to Whitey.
There's a daggering class.
He's about to dagger his girlfriend.
Right in front of him.
No.
Oh, she's much more into this.
Oh, he's jerking off to this later tonight.
Oh!
Oh, that's...
This is awesome.
Oh, my God.
You see him look over at him?
Yeah, like, you see this?
And he's not doing it well.
No, but she, like,
stopped being into it
when she...
Oh, no.
Ugh.
Oh, yeah, no.
All right, so maybe
don't watch white people
doing it because
it's uncomfortable.
We ruin everything.
That felt like we should. We ruin everything. That was wrong.
It just made something so good that we couldn't even try it.
There's not going to be a Maddie B of daggering.
Take this.
Genius.
There's no white person who could dagger and make it look cool.
It took them so many years to invent something we couldn't steal.
But they got it.
They finally figured it out.
We can't touch it, dude.
I mean, they're better at us than at dancing and fucking, and it's like those things combined.
But Timberlake came through.
Timberlake came through.
Timberlake.
Elvis.
Yeah.
Timberlake could probably dagger, couldn't he?
No way.
No, he doesn't have the strength.
Nope.
No chance.
He could get daggered.
He could.
He could bottom.
Yeah, he would.
Oh, maybe it's Joey. Joey dagger? Joey dagger? He could get daggered. He could be a good bottom. Yeah, he would. Oh, maybe it's Joey.
Joey Dagger?
Joey Dagger?
He could dagger.
No, I don't think he could.
No.
I don't think he could.
He would never give up being daggered.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't know.
Is he a bottom?
Versatile.
Joey?
He is, right?
He's the Marianas Trench of bottoms.
Okay, yeah.
It's a bottomless bottom.
It doesn't get more bottom.
Jordan's going to bring
our Make-A-Wish friend
and guest into the studio.
Yes.
Can we ask what they have first?
Oh, I know.
Oh, yeah.
Can we talk about that?
Heart transplant.
Okay, we don't talk about that.
I think you can.
But like Che went up
and shook his hand with pink eye,
so I don't know if he has...
It might not have long... Che took him down with pink eye So I don't know if he It might not have long
Che took him down with pink eye
He accelerated the process
It's my wish
Guy doesn't know he's on Scorpion
He's about to get daggered
Let's test that heart
You think it works?
Dagger
I never wanna We gotta You think it works? Dagger.
We got to go. We're going to put a banana peel on the ground for him.
That's Scorpion.
Yeah, it is.
If it's time, it's time.
Pranking make a wish.
Well, it's just like everybody kind of kid gloves them.
Yeah, you're right.
I think so.
Tell him.
What if he just doesn't want to?
Don't come in for 10 minutes.
He's going on Mean Girls.
Austin walking around, big goofy.
We need to get Austin some Make-A-Wish new shoes, bro.
Alex.
Alex.
All right, Alex.
Come on in.
Alex.
Right here. It's Rob!
Alex is legitimately Make-A-Wish because he did say, like, you almost died.
Tell us your story.
So back, I got my heart transplant January 4th, 2019, which, thank goodness, if it was a couple months later, then I would not be here today.
It was that, like, what was the actual diagnosis?
So, yeah, I was born with a single ventricle heart defect,
so my whole life I've been dealing with being sick, right?
Couldn't play sports, couldn't do nothing.
My brother's actually an animal athlete.
He got animal wrestler.
Whoa, where are you from?
I'm from Oregon.
Hermiston, Oregon.
Smart town.
Hermiston?
I used to wrestle Joey Delgado.
Oh, you know Joey?
Yeah.
Hermiston's a powerhouse.
He was a four-timer.
I beat him, then lost to him.
Show us the footage then if you beat him.
He's actually family.
He's family.
Really?
Small world, small world, yeah.
My brother's an animal wrestler but yeah going back i was born with a congenital heart disease did you make this about
you kyle no he didn't it's all your make-a-wish this is actually his you don't know yet kyle
no no yeah kyle's make-a-wish is can talk wrestling. That was fucking awesome. No, no, yeah, no.
So long story short, I've been sick.
I got, you know, I actually tried out for football one time.
I was just so stubborn I wanted to do it.
First day we did sprints, I passed out.
Woke up in the hospital.
So you knew you could die and you're like, yeah, I still want to play football.
Oh, I love football.
That's badass. Football guy.
That's a badass. Scorpion.
He's a scorpion. My parents, my doctors,
everybody said, don't do it. Don't do it.
I tried out. Couldn't do it.
They were right.
They were right. It's the opposite of this.
They were right, but we were there.
So basically, yeah.
My doctors, my parents,
everyone. It's like a rap song. It's like my teacher told me I couldn't do it.
She was right.
She was right.
That's right.
No, so yeah, so the heart progressed.
It got worse, obviously, as I grew up.
So I would deal with these episodes.
They're called the SVT episodes where your heart goes into shock.
It goes to 150, and you can't stop it no matter what.
Describe that sensation
like what it's just like you're gonna think you have it yeah let's say you're on a date let's say
you're on yeah yeah okay right take her to take her to the movie theaters right and yep true story
right so the movie theaters you're just an eighth grader you know chilling out of nowhere bam your
heart just goes up to 150 you feel like you're running a marathon but you're
not holy shit you're embarrassed to say anything you're just sweating you're just like what the
hell and then you know you have to go to hospital fuck what movie was it you remember what movie it
was what year was it was speed at the social network yeah i don't remember you know when
you're wearing when you're on a date you know i actually don't remember who's what was she wearing
but um what's his name? He slapped the...
Chris Rock?
Will Smith?
Will Smith with his son.
Pursuit of Happiness.
Pursuit of Happiness.
They, like, go to space.
That would be funny if it was John Q.
Oh, that was the shitty movie.
After Earth?
End of Earth.
I Am Legend?
No, no.
Something Earth.
Something Earth. Pursuit of Happiness? Year One? After Earth. I Am Legend? No, no. Something Earth. Something Earth.
Shoot of Happiness?
Year One?
After Earth.
Oh, so this wasn't even a good movie that you almost died to.
Oh, that one.
Yeah, that one.
What?
I didn't know this came out.
Yeah, so I was with you.
You almost died to a terrible movie.
No, it was terrible.
It was terrible.
I can't die to that.
I know.
James Smith movie?
No, so yeah.
So I ended up in the hospital.
I lost my girlfriend that day.
What? She died?
Oh, yeah.
She broke up with you because of your heart?
Oh, yeah, man.
Broken heart.
I couldn't finish After Earth.
You ruined After Earth.
I ruined the movie for her, man.
I mean, it was a terrible movie anyway.
They probably saved it.
But, yeah, so things got worse, right?
Had to, got the surgery.
It was a surgery.
It was called an ablation.
There was a 2% chance that it was going to fix me.
20, no, no, not fix me.
There was a 2% chance that something would go wrong.
20 some percent chance that I would stay the same.
And the rest was that I would get better.
I would stop having episodes, right?
Okay. My dad told me not to do it. stay the same and the rest was uh that i would get better i would stop having episodes right okay my
dad told me not to do it my but i was like you know you know like it's gonna say like it's gonna
help me a lot right with friends with you know i won't have to go to the hospital every couple
days a week you know like i i don't have to deal with that no more so i did it the two percent
chance happened you gotta start listening to your dad i man. Fuck, dude. Right? I like your perseverance of like, I won't take any advice.
No, I ended up doing the surgery.
2% chance happened.
So they basically shock your heart.
They shocked my heart so many times.
They put it in SVT.
Fucked with it so many times.
They shocked it that I lost 10 years of life.
So I was supposed to get the transplant when I was older.
But I lost.
And so I was supposed to get the transplant at Spokane.
That was my hospital.
And they basically told me,
I went in there for the meeting.
They're like,
oh,
you're going to have a meeting with the transplant doctor.
Transplant doctor sat me down and said,
you have about six months to a year left of your heart.
And it's going to take about 12 years to get a heart.
Oh my God.
So he basically said,
yeah,
go,
go.
He told me these were his words
make a bucket list oh yeah and and think about the motivation and this was on the bucket list
oh yeah we're here now oh no but uh so so whatever so after that um you know i thank thank the lord
for my parents that uh that they just called doctors everywhere, and they just tried their best.
And they got me a meeting with a cardiologist.
And my cardiologist, thank my cardiologist in Spokane for going.
They went to a regional congenital cardiologist meeting,
and he brought up my case.
He was supposed to do a speech, but he brought up my case instead
and just asked all these congenital cardiologists
if any of them would be willing to take me.
And three of them said yes. He said I was a perfect candidate i'm young i've you know
i have a lot to live for it you love football yeah more of those people and alive so he gave
he he gave me three folders one was philly new york and uh ucla and he said pick the right one
because if one rejects you the rest are going to reject you oh fuck so so i picked ucla closer to home you know love love the sun love the weather and uh ucla
said said yes and and i went and i lived in the hospital before they said i would get a heart
around three months that would be the wait time ended up being nine months i lived in the hospital
snuck out my fair share of times got caught three times sneaking out one time i one time i took my
whole iv pool and to chick-fil-a with me it's the order of chickens house because i was on a low
sodium diet at the sugar so the hospital food was just bland yeah terrible so so i just strolled
down to chick-fil-a a couple blocks it just the looks at chick-fil-A was just great. And whenever they'd take me off my, my IV,
cause, uh, I'd go ride bird scooters and yeah, I got caught a couple of times there too. They,
uh, so yeah, so nine months I got my heart transplant recovery for a regular, um, transplant
should be a month. Mine was three months because it was, uh, cause it was insane. It was, uh, they,
uh, I, my, my other organs have never gotten that much blood
because only half of my heart.
They were drunk off the blood.
Yeah, so as soon as the new heart got bam, bam, bam,
and the rest of the organs started shutting down.
Could you notice it right away, like breathing easier and everything?
Yes and no because I was so sick.
Yeah.
I got this little scar here that looked like a hickey.
I thought it was a hickey.
That was from a dialysis machine that was helping me out.
No, here.
So if I have some time, can I tell one story?
Yeah.
So there was this one doctor at UCLA.
All the cardiologists were telling me, you know, things are looking bad, Alex.
You're not looking good.
You know, they were telling me the truth.
There was this one doctor.
He was a kidney doctor, probably the least important doctor to my situation.
And he would come in.
His name was Dr. Wilson.
He would come in here every day and be like, Alex, I've seen, I've been working for 30 years.
You're doing okay.
You're doing fine.
And, you know, every day he'd come in and say that.
Every couple of days he'd come in and say that.
Alex, I've been doing this for forever.
You're doing good.
When all the other doctors are saying things aren't looking good, your platelets are high, you might get a clot any minute, you know.
All the doctors told me your organs, you might need a kidney transplant soon.
And they were all telling me things aren't looking good.
This one doctor, you know, I held on to what he was saying, right.
And then I finally started getting better and I started feeling better and I started peeing.
You know, it's a big one to start peeing. That means your kidneys are working. And finally start getting better and i start feeling better and i start peeing you know it's a big one to start peeing that means your kidneys are working and i start getting
better and this doctor comes in here one day and you know i was gonna tell him you were right doc
like thank you he's like oh wow actually you had me scared there for a while i didn't think you
were gonna make it i didn't think you were gonna make it there for a second
no no it was we made it out though and now we're here i'd like to thank all you guys for giving me for a second. Holy fuck. That's crazy. I was like, I gotta stay. No, no.
We made it out though and now we're here.
I'd like to thank all you guys
for giving me this opportunity.
Yeah.
And the worst part,
you didn't even say
the worst part of your story
is that you actually
have a female heart.
Oh, oh.
A girl heart?
I do have a girl heart.
Kind of a pussy.
Yeah, yo.
Kind of, man.
Transgender there a little bit.
Oh my God.
I didn't mean to be a transgender it just kind of
happened it just kind of happened i don't know what to say that's crazy too like i i would be
so curious uh whose heart you got they said they they wouldn't tell you i guess that makes sense
not like i mean feel it but i would be so fascinated what what happened see how hot she
was you mean and this also yeah she was in her 30s so it's like
i got the heart transplant when i was 20 and you know sometimes i'd go to the bar and try and get
a beer and i'd be like bro my heart is older than you it is crazy it's also a great reminder that
like the the organ donor check that you do at the dmv is so fucking oh no 100 everyone should be
doing it because no no i i actually i, I made five friends in the hospital.
Five friends in the hospital.
And we were all super tight.
We were all super close, right?
It's like kind of when you leave for something like that for that long,
I feel like your home, because I have a lot of friends hometown,
I feel like everybody already, like, loses.
You know, everybody already thinks, you know, he might die.
So, you know, it'll be, and that makes sense.
But I made five close friends in the hospital. and only two of us made it out alive.
That's all. And if I can, I strongly encourage everybody to, to be an organ donor. I mean,
I don't think you, you, it's the most selfish thing to not be an organ donor. If something
terrible happens to you and you can save someone else's life, you can save like 10 people. Yeah.
10 people. Save like 10 people's lives. It's lives it's insane like uh do you think they though like when they do the
organ donation like if someone died like if brandon died would they be like this guy's a coward we
don't want his heart you might get less time if you get brandon yeah yeah oh i would never that's
actually way worse like deal with the one ventricle.
You don't want that. It's hard.
So what happened when you got the new heart?
Is that completely cured?
Are there any problems that persist?
I mean, so basically the immune system is made to attack any foreign object in your body.
So I have to take meds.
I actually just took them
out there take meds to keep my immune system suppressed every day and then there's also other
things like like it gives you high sugar so you get diabetes you know that that's one thing uh
that's one thing i got with it and it was funny they were going to start me on shots because i
got my appointments they used to be once a month. Now they're once every three months. And, you know, three months, six months ago, the doc said, Alex,
your sugars are looking high, man.
You need to start watching your diet.
And I said, okay, doc, let's do it.
And then three months later, come by, go to my appointment, Alex.
We're going to have to put you on some insulin shots right now,
and you're going to need insulin shots.
Because he's like, did you watch your sugars?
I was like, yeah, yeah, I watched my sugars.
You put ice cream.
Yeah, we're going to need to put you on insulin shots.
He's like, okay, I'm going to go get your insulin
shots. I'm like, Doc, Doc, give me three more
months. I promise you. You're a gambler.
I promise you, Doc.
You're surrounded by smarter
people.
Man, you live
nine months in the hospital, you're going to live life to the fullest.
I tell you that. You are right.
I had one last question. You can definitely say no, but it's clearly the question that we're going to live life to the fullest. I tell you that. You are right. I had one last question.
You can definitely say no, but it's clearly the question that we're all wondering.
Can we see the scar?
Yeah, you can see it.
Fuck yeah.
This is badass.
Oh, dude.
Move that mic.
Oh, hell yeah.
That is badass.
That's not like a gross scar.
Oh, it's a badass scar.
Yeah.
It's scorpion.
That's scorpion scar. Scorpion.
Welcome to scorpion.
Once I start hitting the gym more, get the pecs coming in.
Oh, that'll just be the definition.
That's some contour, baby.
Can you do things that you couldn't do in the past, like exercise and stuff?
So we were supposed to have a rehab after slowly start stretching, but then COVID hit.
So my rehab was just going to the gym.
I would just hit the gym gym i was just hit that was
just hit the gym which was probably a bad idea but there you go again a hard time about three
months ago we sense a pattern with you and bad idea like oh for four dude it's great because
bouncing back oh no no we're making it like like i never finished the story three three months after
the you know the six months or the the doctor told me i decided to watch my diet, so I downloaded the fitness powder.
You finally decided to watch your diet.
I finally decided to listen.
Lost a bunch of weight.
Came doc, oh, your sugar's 8.1.
There we go.
There you go.
You were right.
We made it out.
You're like a choose-your-own-adventure book where it's like every time you choose, you end up dying, but then you don't.
Yeah.
Make the wrong choice every time.
You're like, nope, another chance. I love't. You make the wrong choice every time.
You're like, nope, another chance.
I love it.
You're a man after my heart, no pun intended.
Literally.
Sass, do you want one of them?
No, I have nothing.
Sass has dandruff.
That's the worst.
Yeah, it's the worst.
What conditioner are you using, man?
Nothing.
I got nothing.
Sass did, though.
He went to Colorado, and he thought that his lung popped.
Okay, well, that wasn't actually me.
I was mostly Big Cat.
It didn't.
He was fine.
Think about how scary that is.
Elevation?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you think you have it bad.
You were born with it.
Sass got it later in life.
Yeah, that's so much worse.
Because at least I didn't know any better.
I got used to it.
Yeah.
Oh, he's just. It's so much worse.
He thought he lost it all.
I went to Colorado once when I had my old heart, which is my bad heart, right?
And it was terrible.
I was puking.
I was going, because my oxygen's already low.
And then I go to Colorado where freaking it's way worse worse yeah so what did they do with your old heart uh they they
actually i wanted to keep it yeah it would be funny if they just threw it in the trash we wanted
to but my but my they they the doctor sat down with me and he's like you know what alex you can
keep your heart if you want to and i really wanted to but he's like you're in your heart the way it was
formed is like one in ten thousand people get it we would like to do research that's smart yeah
yeah so i was like you know if i could save a couple you know no one's gonna want my organs
but if i could save save a couple lives maybe doing that that would be awesome if you gotta
go back to football though now that your heart's good you should just try out for the high school team. The NFL. Oh, shoot.
How old are you?
I'm 21.
Oh, you're college age.
Oh, shoot.
Good Clackamas.
Community college.
I had to drop out my junior year to get a heart transplant in my senior year.
Never got to finish.
So they told you 10 years.
It'll take 10 years to get a heart, and then you'll die by then.
In Spokane.
What expedited that?
Oh, okay.
UCLA. Yeah, okay. UCLA.
Yeah, UCLA.
It depends what area you're at, because New York, I'm sure a lot of people sadly pass away here,
so it's the rate of getting hearts.
How did they deliver the news, like, hey, we got a heart for you?
Oh, in the morning.
Oh, I don't even.
In the morning, I just hear you got a phone call.
Alex, your heart's on the way from Vegas.
No way.
Where's it from?
From Vegas. Oh, hell yeah. That's more like a 40-year-old heart, not a's on the way from Vegas. No way. Where's it from? From Vegas.
Oh, hell yeah.
That's more like a 40-year-old heart, not a 30-year-old heart?
Yeah.
She was 32.
Okay.
She was 32.
Now, is that how, like, is maybe a dumb question, but is that, so that's just your heart's age?
So you're 21, but you're-
My heart's 30.
Yeah, so-
Wow.
And what do they say about, like, life expectancy now with a heart transplant?
10 to 12 years. That's, what? You take care of it, wow. And what do they say about life expectancy now with a heart transplant? 10 to 12 years.
That's, what?
You take care of it, yeah.
That was a bummer.
Yeah, but that's.
Well, you know.
No, you're going to keep going.
No, you'll get another one.
Yeah, you just keep going.
You keep beating every odd.
Like I tell everybody, one day, one day, and I want you guys all to take this in.
One day, your life will flag before your eyes, so make sure it's worth watching.
Yes.
That's what I preach. That's all all i preach i might quit my fucking job or a true inspiration and way better person than any of us oh yeah yeah if that happened to any
of us we would have the worst outlook we've ever we'd all be dead shitty to other people just go
lay down in the woods oh it's over. No, no, no.
Yeah, no, we're living.
We're living.
We're here.
I'm glad to be here.
First time in New York.
Better?
Yeah.
What else you got planned?
Oh, I think I'm going to a concert tonight.
Nice.
I think it's Red Hot Chili.
Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Yeah, Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I want you to talk to my boy, Glennie.
He knows where all the best N room massages are in the city.
Oh,
how does everybody in there know what that is?
Your dad laughing.
How does he know what that is?
That's,
that's a shout out to our make a wish to a guy right here.
Awesome.
Awesome. Make a wish. My brother, my-Wish tour guy right here. Oh, okay. Awesome. Awesome.
Make-A-Wish, my brother, my mom.
I love it.
With me.
Well, we should do one last thing before you go.
We should probably spin the wheel with you here.
Probably throw him on the wheel.
Yeah, so if he gets wet.
Knowing your luck, you're about to get soaked.
Oh, whoa.
Change of clothes.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
This would be, what would be, well, you might have to shave your head, too.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That would be What would be Well you might have to Shave your head too Oh Oh
That would be
That would be such a relief
For me
This wish would just
Turn bad
Real quick
This wish would just
I'm blessed
Up until I went on the yak
Oh
Alright here we go
What the hell is the yak
You guys make me nervous
Oh
You're good You're good
You're good
Alright well Alex
Thank you so much man
Thank you guys
Thank you
It's a pleasure to meet you
Incredible story
Thank you guys so much
Incredible incredible
Everyone be an organ donor
Please
100%
Check on your ID
If you're not
Go and fucking fix that
Right now
You're a douche bag
If you're not
You are
You're a terrible person
and I remember when
organ donation
like became a thing
and there were people
being like
well it'll just not
save your life
that's obviously
not even close to true
be an organ donor
Alex
thanks man
yeah dude
appreciate it
best of luck
thank you so much
make a check in
maybe next year
let us know how it's going
100%
yeah
we'd love that
love that
join New York
thank you are you going to the Chili Peppers a day oh hell yeah do you need Nate's ticket next year. Let us know how it's going. 100%. Yeah. We'd love that. Love that. Join New York. Thank you.
Are you going to the Chili Peppers a day?
Oh, hell yeah.
You need Nate's ticket?
Yeah, no.
You're a Nate buffer.
Oh, that's the best.
Hey, can you, you ever been to a nice French restaurant?
You want to come to lunch in a couple weeks?
At Bernardin?
Yeah, I need a Nate buffer.
Can we just bring Alex around?
Yeah, thank you, man.
All right.
See you, Alex.
We're bad people. That was awesome. Yeah, that was awesome. That made me feel, that was not Scorp. All right, see you, Alex. We're bad people.
That was awesome.
Yeah, that was awesome.
That made me feel, that was not Scorpion.
This was the least Scorpion.
That was Scorpion.
No, that was not Scorpion.
That was heartwarming.
That guy is Scorpion.
I feel like inspired.
That was 10x.
That was 100x.
God is wrestling.
I feel like a real piece of shit now.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you slept for 19 hours.
You're good.
Fuck off.
DAZN.
Saturday.
DAZN.
Triple G.
Canelo.
Ronan and I are leaving on Thursday and TJ.
Dude, I'm not going to be here tomorrow because of that front.
Oh, yeah.
So, I think I'll be here for a little bit tomorrow, but tomorrow will be a little bit
of a discombobulated show because of that.
Are we all on the upfronts?
Yeah.
I got to have fun.
He's hosting.
He's got to host.
Oh, okay.
DAZN, though, we're going to Vegas Thursday.
Friday, we'll have the Yak live from Vegas.
Me, Roan, TJ.
We'll probably have Large, Caleb, Robbie, Dave.
I got to be honest.
That sounds like Scorpion live.
Yeah, that might be.
It's at the MGM? I think we're doing it in a hotel suite, so it's not Scorpion live. Yeah, that might be. It's at the MGM?
I think we're doing it in a hotel suite, so it's not
a live show. Okay, cool. Yeah.
Well, you know what? I don't know.
Let's let one person. One person
can maybe watch us live.
I like that. Hey, yeah, in Vegas?
Yeah.
Yeah, if you have a coin in Vegas,
you can come to the live
show in the suite.
Instead of a kiss.
Instead of a kiss.
The Park MGM.
It's your pick.
Yeah.
But yeah, check out DAZN.com.
DAZN.com.
We will be on the broadcast.
We're calling the fight.
It's going to be a little easier than last time.
Last time, there was a whole link that you had to do.
This time, if you buy the fight, which you should buy,
Triple G, Canelo, Tr canelo trilogy going to be incredible if you buy it you can just select the option to watch our broadcast
me dave robbie on the call caleb and ron in the stands and there will be significantly
uh better technological advancements for us last time we were like sharing a mic and a camera that
couldn't move and we had no we couldn't hear the broadcast now we'll be able to hear the broadcast we'll be tapped in we can move throughout the entire stadium with like uh
better coverage we got a bonus too i pete told me that now we have the ability to live to tape
so if you guys get like a great celebrity but it's the middle of a round you can tape the interview
and then we can run it after the fight just do it whenever they're ready instead of having to
wait for it so uh it'll be great up we're snapping up fucking awesome um the fight. Just do it whenever they're ready instead of having to wait for it. So it'll be great.
We're snapping up.
We're snapping up.
Fucking awesome.
DAZN.com, check it out.
I think, is Jeff coming in here?
I think he was coming in here for something.
Yeah.
So Jeff has, he's auctioning off some whatnot stuff,
so we're going to do that real quick.
For the slushy.
No, you know what?
Here's what we're going to do these ones for what not for the money
that we that's going to Alex
ah
I like that it is so this money
whatever we get on what not today from
these two jerseys that's going directly to
Alex so he can keep living
his life and we'll make sure that he gets
that money yeah
yes yes it's an absolute no brainer so he can keep living his life, and we'll make sure that he gets that money. Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Yes.
It's a no-brainer.
It's an absolute no-brainer.
Alex is getting that.
He's going to live his best life.
Jeff, are these game worn?
These are game worn.
These are both worn in Chicago.
Frank wore this on stage in Chicago.
He also signed it.
Also wore this in the tournament here in the office.
It smells like Frank, I guess. I don't really know what
Frank smells like.
Yeah. You want
an MVP in this?
Yeah. You want an MVP in that.
If you bid on it, you'll get it
and all the money is going to Alex. Go to
WhatNotRightNow if you want to bid.
One at a time or both?
If there were a dozen Hall of Fame, that would be in there.
This would probably be, if we had a jersey sale, this would probably be top five.
And it can be used any way.
You can use it as a blanket.
If you're covering your house, it's getting fumigated.
If your plane is going down, you can pop out.
Shower curtain.
Those big flags that they have for the NFL.
The drag racing, if you want to slow down.
What's the bidding starting at?
And remember, this is for Alex.
This is Alex so he can have a fun night.
The only requirement, he has to spend this all
tonight.
Red Hot Chili Peppers.
That's fucking awesome.
He shouldn't be spending any money with Dave.
That's true.
He's not going to spend it tonight because Dave's taking him.
Dave will take him.
Spend it tomorrow.
But unless he goes to Glennie's spot.
TJ, can you cue up the Scorpion music?
It'll get people wanting to bid.
Yeah.
This is memorabilia.
This is all-time memorabilia.
This is a piece, if you walk into your house,
you walk into someone's home, it's like, yeah, that's Frank's jersey.
Is he showing up to your Dart this falling yeah holy fuck someone's
got a Vince Carter we're live Michael I don't want my Jason Williams anymore I
have my I have my tank game wearable like if you're if you're a unit size
like this is something that was tailored to unit size and that's why we got a
hundred and fifty four starting at a hundred and fifty four dollars going ten seconds keep going keep bidding on this it's one of one it's one of the only one And that's why we got $154. Starting at $154. Keep going.
Ten seconds.
Keep going.
Keep bidding on this.
It's one of one.
It's the only one that exists in the world.
It is.
Yeah.
Frank the Tank.
204.
204.
Let's go.
Going to put some money in a man's pocket. How much time do we have left on there?
It's five seconds.
Keep bidding up.
Frank S.
Push it.
220.
And favorite team.
Brandon's team.
We're a fan favorite, too.
You are a fan.
Big shots.
So, two going up.
$249.
$259.
That's a good-ass price.
Remember, it's going to a dude who's got a brand-new heart.
For this in the green room.
$259.
Sold. For $259. Frank the Tank, sold. Frank wore this in the green room $2.59 Sold
For $2.59
Frank the Tank
Sold
Someone owns this
Frank the Tank 1 of 1
Frank
You just bought it back
Yeah
Second one
Look at this
Whoa whoa
Is that a Roan?
Roan
To a Roan
Signed
Not just signed
But you put your number on there
Number 26
26
Shout out Chase Gottlieb.
There's your dozen number.
Yeah, it's a...
And this one, if you're regular...
We're going live right now.
This will have high noon spilled on it.
There's a little high noon stain on this here.
Oh, yeah, that's from this.
This is the jersey during Chicago and the get fucked moment.
Oh, the get fucked moment.
Very famous moment.
Classic moment.
And you should be willing to spend because there is no
chance this money goes to Stephen Che.
Yeah, it cannot go to Stephen Che.
This is a large. He mugs the guy with a
new heart. That's a large jersey. Wearable
jersey. It's nice.
Keep going. Talk about the star
on that collar. That's for being an all-star.
If you're in Philly, buy this. Wear it to the Philly event.
Show up in the crowd. You'll be the only one.
Rowan will sign it again.
I'll double sign it.
Anyone will sign it at the show.
If you have this on at the Philly show, everybody will wear it.
It's a 300.
So this logo is retired, so it is...
This is vintage.
It's a throwback.
It's a classic.
They'll never make this again.
One of one item.
All-star symbol on here.
All the live events Roanan's played in 325.
What was the jersey that Roan was wearing when they lost to the Frankettes?
Yes.
It is my only jersey I wore that day when we lost to the Frankettes.
Historic.
And I'll never forget that moment in my life.
Sold.
There it is.
Sold.
How much did we sell these?
365.
365.
That's a dollar a day.
One of one.
Roan. Only person owns a a day. One of one.
Only person owns a Roan jersey.
So wait, what was the total?
It's got to be over 500 something.
It's got to be over 500 bucks.
It's about 600.
All right, so I'm going to round that up to 1,000. I'm going to give him cash right now and then put that in the slush fund.
So I'm going to give him 1,000 cash myself.
So you just went 1,400 on this?
Yeah. I'm bad at math him $1,000 cash myself. So you just went $1,400 on this? Yeah, that's added math.
Is that what you're doing?
Well, no.
I was going to,
because we can't get the money
right away to him,
but I have the cash.
You're spending $1,000.
I'm going to give him $1,000
and then that will go in.
The $600 will go into the slush fund.
And we're just going to win
the $1,000 back on the wheel bed.
Correct.
I'm going to go do that right now
because I don't want him to leave.
Is he still here?
I think he left already.
No, he can't have left already.
I saw him walk out.
We should get his Venmo or something.
Yeah, get that and I'll send it to him.
Get his Venmo and I'll send it to him.
Thanks, everyone.
Oh, yeah, we should just throw his Venmo up.
Thank you, Jeff.
Appreciate you.
It's October 4th in Philly.
Please buy tickets.
3,500 seats.
The venue is fucking massive.
That's going to be a classic.
Show out.
Also, Whatnot.
You know what I mean?
Support Whatnot.
Support the people that support us.
It's a great way to get on board with auctions, baseball cards, memorabilia.
I mean, eventually you're going to be able to get a car from us for like $400.
Yep.
We're going to auction off a car.
Whatnot.
A whole fucking car.
How is everyone missing that banana peel?
All right, so TJ, get me his Venmo.
I'll send him $1,000,
and then we'll just put that in the slushie.
Get the Venmo up and see if we can fucking rack it up.
I'll tip you to it as soon as I get it.
All right, thank you, Za.
God, this is, yeah, we're not,
this is anti-Scorpion.
If we ever get a new studio,
we should have the ground be yellow
so we can put banana peels down.
But we're Gregorius as hell.
Gregorius as hell. Yeahious as hell yeah gregorius too yeah like speaking to double d's brandon your wife i was thinking of her yesterday when i was beaten off.
Yeah.
Not for long, though.
I'm still thinking of her, but I was done beating off.
All right.
She's like the anti-Roman swipe.
Yeah, she is.
You want to come faster?
If you use too much Roman swipe, there's a picture of her in there.
It's the antidote.
Finish the job.
On the back of the box. Use this. Brandon, I don't think you're a cop. It's the antidote. Finish the job. On the back of the box.
Use this.
Brandon, I don't think you're a coward.
It's a QR code.
I don't think you're
a coward, Brandon.
I know that.
A coward?
I mean, I kissed you.
Yeah, we kissed.
No one is calling you
a coward.
Call Brandon a coward.
I did.
I said his heart
was a cowardly heart.
Oh.
I don't think that's true.
Oh.
I don't know if it's
cowardly, but I...
But you do let Nick say all kinds of stuff about your wife.
I have the worst heart in here, I would assume.
I'm gassing him up.
Ah.
No.
My heart can't be good.
Your heart's not very good?
It can't be.
One of us might have some random shit.
Huh?
My heart, no.
Got a bad heart?
I look like the personification of an underlying condition.
Yeah, you do.
I'm just planning when I'm 40 to just lose
weight and be like, now I'm going to start taking
care of my heart.
Three more years. You went from doing that
every year.
40. 40 seems like...
I feel like a lot of people do that when they're 40.
They're like, oh, I'm going to stop eating like an asshole.
I did 30 push-ups yesterday.
Any today?
What a beast.
That's a week.
That's a week's worth of push-ups.
Yeah, 30 a week is good for the heart.
I'll get back tomorrow.
That's recommended.
I'll get back on tomorrow.
Let's drink some pomegranate juice.
Does that help?
Probably.
It seems like one of those things that would help.
Sounds like it helps.
Definitely.
We should all have some.
Big pomegranate.
Why don't we just eat a pomegranate?
Too hard.
Too hard to do. Can't find them anywhere, but pomegranate. Why don't we just eat a pomegranate? Too hard. Too hard to do.
Can't find them anywhere, but pomegranate
juice is everywhere at every
Pret a Manger.
What country do we get pomegranates from?
It's got to be South
American. That's Peruvian?
Lomo Saltado? Much like
Lomo Saltado. It's been a while since that.
It has been. We should put that back on the wheel.
Wasn't that like one of the original things on the wheel?
Yeah.
We should just do that.
Can we replace...
24-hour fast Lomo Saltado?
No, acrylic nails.
Oh.
Are multiple people going to get acrylic nails?
I can't wait.
But I'm saying acrylic nails is on there, and so is shiny bald.
Oh.
Oh, we just threw up their real deal.
The Photoshop assuaged my paranoia a little bit,
but I don't think that's what I would look like.
Owen looked great.
Owen looked amazing.
Which I don't know how to take, that I looked better bald.
No, I don't think you look better bald.
You just look different.
Fair.
I think we all looked decent.
I didn't see mine.
Mine was when it was for the best.
Was my head that tall
you're yeah it looked bad yeah it's been last night i hope not i think they just went over my
head yeah it was too tall of a head yeah so you're um sass is that just a photo of you that's like a
really good photoshop yeah oh you look like a football player. You just enlisted in the military in that picture.
Who?
Owen.
Oh.
He looks like Pete Davidson.
Yeah.
Brennan, you.
Yeah, not great.
They tried to Photoshop it a little bit there under my hat.
KB looks like Mike Wallace.
Brennan looks like a guy who got way too into Trump.
He's like, now I'm going to run for mayor.
Yeah.
Seems accurate.
Nick, you look good on...
Oh, Che looks good.
I do not look good. He looks very good.
Oh, I do look good, too. They gave you, like, the horseshoe
growing back a little bit. Yeah, Rogan do.
Sass, you look alright.
No. Sass looks like...
You look like a
tight end coach. Yeah.
Like Dave Aranda.
That looks like Voldemort.
Yeah, and actually, with Alex being in here,
I don't give a fuck anymore.
What do you mean?
Bald.
It'd be worse.
That was an awesome story.
Ever when he said 10 to 12 years?
Yeah, that sucked.
I mean, going from what he's dealt with.
Three months to that.
Probably 20 years of just nonstop pain and hospitalizations.
With medical advances.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
And who knows?
He's a good storyteller, too.
Yes.
I know.
He killed it on the mic.
He's a psycho.
Yeah.
He just kept going for it.
An idiot.
I got for football.
Football, yeah.
Who let him?
If there were a.2% chance of me dying during an activity that wasn't mandatory,
I would probably take the 2% gamble on the surgery.
How do you confirm those percentages, those odds?
History of the...
It sounded like he required a low-sodium diet,
and he still would eat Chick-fil-A.
I saw Brandon give the biggest nod.
You're all right, son.
The escaping a Chick-fil-A thing is funny,
because I remember when my dad had to get heart surgery,
there would be people that would do the exact same thing,
and they'd get in a shit ton of trouble,
because their family would sneak in like
Big Macs for them and shit
There's all these like fat people that like needed to get heart surgery, right?
If you see somebody suffering though, there's like I just want a fucking Big Mac. I would do it
Yeah, that's I mean classic 600 pound life. Every one of them has an enabler that's getting them all the food
Yeah, what would be on your hands?
Yeah, fact are you a feeder yeah he's a dresser
walking a Chick-fil-A though with the IV
is so funny
that was actually the one
gamble he took that I was like
yeah it makes sense
if the food sucks and you just want some fucking chicken
he was in there for 9 months
I would get so good
at Madden I would get so good at Madden.
Oh, yeah.
I would get so good at Madden.
I'm surprised he didn't get on one of those Chick-fil-A commercials where they always just have them on the couch talking about how far out of the way they went for Chick-fil-A or something.
Yeah.
Right.
I almost died.
It was going to kill me.
A little bit more salt was going to end my life.
I still wanted Chick-fil-A.
I always do want time off so I can get better at Madden that year.
Oh, man. Give me like a week. I still want a Chick-fil-A I always do want time off so I can get better at Madden that year Oh man
Give me like a week
A hospitalization that's not dangerous
Would be kind of
There would be perks
Like what?
I don't know
If I was in there for like a month
If I'm sedated
For most of it
Loopy
I could sometimes need that.
I've always said I wish they came out with the technology that you could just opt to medically induced coma for a week.
And you wake up and you're totally refreshed.
Couldn't you just check yourself into a mental hospital?
There's probably so much red tape at mental hospitals.
There's probably so much red tape at mental hospitals paperwork tests
There's probably some pretty high
I just sent him the money
Run it up for Alex though
Run it the fuck up dude
Boil his bitch ass
Let's run it up
He's going to have a hell of a time in New York
That was a bummer when he said
the 10 to 12 thing
Fuck it though.
For him it might seem
long as it doesn't.
No it hasn't changed.
I forgot though
that like heart transplants
that's
I didn't know that.
Yeah I think I knew that
and I just had forgotten
that it doesn't
it's not like you get
to live to 100.
But he might get another one.
Yeah can you just
keep getting more?
I think you can.
That's like 20 times
as long as
What's his name?
He was originally
Alex.
Last. Familiar. Real times as long. What's his name? He was originally. Last.
Familiar.
Real deal.
You want to see his.
There's a Fresno State wrestler named Nick Villaria.
Huh, maybe that's him.
He said his brother was an animal wrestler, but I doubt he wrestles Fresno State.
An animal wrestler?
He said that.
Oh, no, they don't even have a team anymore.
True Scorpion.
The Bulldogs, no team?
I think they dropped it.
They had a three, five years. Fuck title nine team anymore. True Scorpion. The Bulldogs, no team? I think they dropped it. They had a three, five years.
Fuck Title IX.
Could they?
Scorpion.
Scorpion.
Let's get this dude rich.
Jerry got fucked by the wheel.
Yeah, he did.
Whoops.
I feel so bad, but I was also laughing so hard when I was watching it live.
I lost my bets, too, but I was just dying laughing as he was like dry heaving.
Yeah.
No, he would do that.
Dry heaving was so funny.
He was crying, dry heaving,
he would cough and then he'd hit the vape.
Yeah.
The dry heaving was amazing.
The crying killed me, dude.
And I felt so bad, but I couldn't,
I was scream laughing alone at my house.
Also, you know, like the old saying,
there's always a tweet for that
when the crazy left-wing people with Trump
being like, look, he's a hypocrite.
There's always a Jersey Jerry athlete DM for that.
Oh, yeah.
Melvin Gordon fumbled, and he's like,
I knew he was a bum, and he posted a DM.
He sent him like two years ago being like,
you suck.
You should fucking retire.
Devontae get the carry.
And then Melvin Gordon answered six months after that or something like that.
And then Javante fumbled, didn't he?
Yeah, on the goal line.
Funniest part is when they went to kick.
And he's just like, they're not.
He's like, they can't be kicked.
I don't agree with this.
They can't be kicked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jerry, he apologized to me for his craziness.
I was like, that's what makes you Jerry.
Yeah.
He threw a mic stand on Sunday, and then he came back, and he's like,
I've been really working on my anger.
I'm just trying not to do this stuff anymore.
It's like, but you just did it.
You just did it.
We should whatnot for Jerry's kid birthday party.
I gave his kid a birthday present today.
So maybe relieve a little of the anxiety.
What was he trying to do for the kid?
8,000.
Where did they have the party in France?
Yeah, 8,000.
That's a party for him then.
Correct.
I told him.
That's a terrible mistake.
Your kid's not going to remember it.
I've had four birthday parties. He won't even be able to enjoy it. You definitely should stop him. He should not do this. He's already done. He's a terrible mistake. Your kid's not going to remember it. I've had four birthday parties.
Remember, you won't even be able to enjoy a party.
You definitely should stop him.
He should not do this.
He's already done.
He's got the caterer.
Caterer?
Yeah, he's had her for his first one-year-old.
It's not for the boy.
Girl?
I don't know.
I think for the four birthdays my kids have had, I've spent a total $500.
It's pretty much just pizza.
One-year birthday party is just a terrible idea for any parent.
You just got to get a cake, let them see the cake, smash the cake, birthday done.
Open an empty box maybe or some shit like that.
Trick them into thinking of getting something.
Package a toy they have.
Throw them in the pool, see if they can get out.
They probably can.
They could swim, right?
Yeah, they float.
When they do all those therapies where you just throw babies in water.
Therapy for the adults.
Yeah.
Imagine killing your child.
Dogs had a funny video last night, too.
Did you guys see that one?
No.
In the hotel room.
No.
Oh, it's funny.
Let's play it.
Pull that bitch up.
Actually, pull up Jerry's, too, while we're at it.
Yeah, Frank was involved.
Dogs and Franks traveled.
Like, they drove to a Dolphins game.
Yeah, I don't know why.
They're driving back.
Because the Mets had a three game down there, I think.
Frank also sent everyone on PMT a DM saying,
you can use my line, Nathaniel can't hack it.
That's that one right there.
That's pretty good, though.
He gave approval.
He was like, you can use it.
I think he actually demanded that I use it.
He's like, please use my line.
The game ended an hour ago.
But this was over the Broncos.
Who's he yelling at?
This is in a different hotel room.
Why the Broncos?
I have to go to my desk.
I have to.
I know we're in the same party,
but somebody has to stop them.
It has to be me.
That was soothing.
Dude.
Doug has an incredible voice.
I know.
He's like the anti-Frank.
I've told him that he should do more of those card reveals
and watch them just for his voice.
I'm sewing on ASMR now.
Why?
It's awesome.
It does it for you?
There's this leather maker on TikTok that I could watch for hours.
Do they emboss the leather?
It makes wallets out of leather.
I've seen the shoe shining.
It's called Morrison something.
I like a satisfying video.
Old time hockey on TikTok.
Oh, he's incredible.
What's old time hockey?
Oh, he's like this Canadian guy.
Hey, buddy.
Why don't we go down and make some...
And you'd love him.
Oh, God.
He plays like old school video games.
Yeah, NHL 95.
Oh, he's the best.
Oh, it's me.
Yeah.
But he's calm and calming.
He's you if you were...
Took ayahuasca.
I didn't suck.
I took ayahuasca.
You don't suck.
If you just had a life-changing experience that removed your urgency about anything.
Yeah.
Oh, that'd be nice.
Oh.
Please, join us for some hot wings and some Sunday football.
He's you, Brandon.
That's an old...
Yeah.
Two tablespoons butter
oh yeah
and three fourths cup hot sauce
that's crazy
the perfect game day blend
blend
looking pretty good
eh boys
served with celery
and some blue cheese
and of course
with a cold pop
that looks good
that was a weird crunch for that wing yeah best of luck And, of course, with a cold pop. That looks good.
That was a weird crunch for that wing.
Best of luck to my team, the Detroit Lions.
And to your team, too, buddy.
Have a great day.
And please, enjoy yourself.
What Madden year that is.
Have you ever seen, like, when he's, like, canoeing through, like, a snowy wilderness,
I feel like I'm in a Disney movie.
It feels incredible.
He'll just like... Where is he?
Where is he?
I'd like to see what he catches on the ice fishing video.
Oh, that bacon one. Hit the bacon one.
Holy shit, hit that bacon one.
Hello, buddy.
Please, join us for supper.
Well, breakfast for supper.
With some Applewood smoked bacon
from our buddies at ButcherBox
Sent right to our front door
In the middle of the cedar swamp
Sugar free and nitrate free
The perfect treat
For my best buddy
Some cedar and oak
For a couple of hotcakes
And an egg
Cooked over easy For a couple of hotcakes. And an egg.
Cooked over easy.
This is the least scorpion episode of all time.
We're just doing all good feels.
Hell yes, buddy.
Nice and rolly.
Look at that.
Plenty of tree juice.
And a cold pop.
Head to the link in our bio for a special offer from our buddies at ButcherBox.
And until next time, enjoy yourself.
I want to be that guy's friend.
I know.
You just called him a pussy for no reason.
You're being so nice. I called the dog a pussy for eating nitrate-free bacon.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that is kind of a pussy move you have nitrates having bacon
shit is lovely it's so calm yeah i don't i can't believe that he was just living his life like that
before tiktok existed so what can we do to scorpion this bitch up is there a video of him
fucking dying fucking Fucking and dying?
Fucking to death?
Fucking to death.
Maybe if we just Google fucking to death.
I think we did daggering.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is kind of the same thing.
Low key.
Low key.
The exact same thing.
You guys excited for upfronts?
Nervous?
Bro, you got a lot of work to do.
Yeah.
Yeah. You're built for that, though. Yeah, I'm not you got a lot of work to do. Yeah. Yeah.
You're built for that, though.
Yeah, I'm not even thinking about it.
People keep on being like, are you nervous?
We have to actually talk.
I have to interview you, I think.
Yeah, it's just going to be, there's a script that we're just going to put out the window.
Have you come up with a name for the pod?
Oh.
There was one that was floated around yesterday.
It's still going through the legal, so we'll see what happens with that.
Mine sucked.
No, they were good.
You had one really good one that I was trying to pitch, but.
I like to just Pat and Ron talking basketball.
What number does he wear?
Ron.
I would tune in to Pat and Ron talking basketball.
You might have to rebrand as Ron
for this
down to
I think it could wind up superseding Ron
and I'll just go around as Ron
for the rest of my life
do you guys even really know any Rons other than Weasley and Howard
Artest
he's not a Ron anymore
he gave up being a Ron
Ron Dane
Ron Harper Ron Green. Ron Dane. Ron Harper. Ron Dane.
Ron Dane is good. Ron Green.
No, no one knows him.
Almost heard of him.
God damn it. Ron Johnson?
How's Don Johnson? There's not a lot of
Ron. Ronald Jones
I guess, but he goes by Ronald, which
is way more of a goofy ass move.
Ron McDonald.
Ronnie McDonnie. Does he wear... Which is way more of a goofy-ass move. Ron McDonald. Ronnie McDonald.
Does he have a number for the Lakers yet?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What was that teacher?
Probably go with 26 for Audley.
Yeah, probably.
He and I are in lockstep on that type of shit.
What do we have to do at the upfronts?
You don't have to do anything but look pretty, baby.
Just mingle?
Just mingling in the crowd.
I don't have to suck someone off.
I heard there will be a wheel.
A wet wheel.
A wet wheel.
Yeah.
So we're just dancing monkeys, pretty much.
I heard there's another auction, too.
Oh, yeah.
It'll be tweeted out,
so people at home will have a chance to bid on it,
but it's a very exclusive
item.
I actually saw it getting framed today.
How exclusive is it, Rowan?
Pretty cool.
Extremely exclusive.
If you're a stoolie, you're gonna fuck
with this. If you thought that
Rico's can was exclusive,
this is part of lore.
There will be another one of those. This is part of lore. Because there will be another one of those.
This is an historic item.
What does embossed mean?
Just etched, kind of?
Etched?
I think, or maybe like...
Yeah, I thought it was more of a stamp.
Is this person talking and we just can't hear him?
Or is it just all this?
It's the sounds that I like.
Pat Bebs, we're on 21.
And you're a rapper.
It could be 21st in rhyme.
Yeah, that's pretty fucking good.
That's goddamn good.
Or it could be PB and Slay.
Pat Beverly and me.
Slay, yeah, Slay.
And you've got to keep the acrylic nails on the whole season.
Yes.
He's going to whip my ass when he sees me in acrylic nails.
Could be a deal breaker.
Yeah.
He's going to be looking like Anthony Edwards out in front of the club.
That happened after his party.
Yeah.
After Pat's party, right?
Yeah, I think it did.
But that's not the kind of environment that was going on inside the party.
Inside the party, they were very pro-all lifestyles.
But outside the party, it was kind of anything goes.
You know how LA is?
Yeah.
Sure do.
Was that that video of all the dudes?
Yeah.
Yeah, I saw that.
Yeah, you saw that.
Reddit.
Reddit is starting to rub the wrong way on me.
Oh, no way.
A website where everyone just becomes
the most negative form of themselves?
No, no, no.
Not like the barstool Reddit.
Just Reddit in general.
Yeah, I mean, that's...
I loved it for a while, though.
I was really into it.
Now I'm back on Twitter, I think.
I think that's everyone's experience.
You learn it with the best intentions,
and then they just feed into negativity,
and then you just end up being negative.
The Sopranos one is so fucking lame.
They're like,
what did Tony do that made you proud?
Shut the fuck up.
What was your proudest Tony moment?
Yeah, but you're in there responding.
I know you are.
It is still such a good platform though
because if you have any questions or anything,
you can just look it up and then type Reddit at the end of the question,
and it comes up with, like, actual good answers from people.
Do that before I watch movies.
Yeah, yeah.
You can do it with literally anything.
Like, it's awesome.
MovieRankings.net.
True.
Because they love everything.
Shout out to the Axe Reddit.
No, they didn't love Moonfall.
They didn't love Moonfall.
Yeah, you're right.
What?
What's Moonfarsh on movies that I like?
It's a Roland Emmerich movie where the moon falls to the earth.
How would the moon fall to the earth?
That explains to me like I'm two.
So, like, the moon falls to the earth.
Okay.
The moon falls out of the sky.
I would suck.
It's real close, right? Yeah. It's real close. Is it falls out of the sky. That would suck. It's real close, right?
Yeah.
It's real close.
Is it made out of cheese?
Yeah.
I think it was hollow in the movie.
How sick would it be if it was actually made out of cheese?
It could be.
You never figured it out?
Have you guys seen the videos of astronauts trying to walk on the moon and they can't
handle the gravity so they just eat shit a bunch of times?
No.
Have we only had one trip to the moon?
No.
How many people have been on the moon?
A handful.
We've had more than one trip.
It's 10 or 11.
The stat they always throw out
is like Mariana Rivera.
There have been like Apollo 13.
And Armstrong, John Glenn, Buzz Aldrin.
Apollo 13 was like the fourth or fifth.
Wait, why haven't we been back?
Because it's not worth it, I think they say.
No funding, I don't think.
But it's cool.
I don't think we can do it.
Are we in the process of trying to go there?
Or are we dead?
No, we're trying to go to Mars.
Imagine just how it would blow your mind like a thousand years ago.
Be like, see that thing?
We're going to go there one day.
Yeah, and just stop going.
Yeah, and then be like, then yeah once we go it's
actually kind of boring how much credence have y'all ever given to the um theories that we did
not go none none wait can we see the astronauts falling wait what is this video people walked
on the moon who scored against mario and rever in the postseason i knew somebody would give it a
little i don't i don't like believe that it didn't happen. I believe that they went to the moon.
But if you watch the video, it makes sense why people believe this.
I know that we went to the moon, but I did want to see enough.
Lay out your evidence.
Yeah.
See what you got.
Give us a, yeah.
The video of them walking, it looks like they're just like.
Can we see that?
Can I see them?
The fact that Buzz Aldrin once, at 90 years old, punched one of them in the face for
even saying it.
That's awesome.
That is the best.
That kind of makes me think it's fake.
That kind of makes me think it's real.
No.
He's punching people over it?
No.
Dadgummit.
What an idiot.
Yeah, this is fake.
It has to be real because no one would say that in a recreation.
Is this one fake?
Oh.
Yes. Yes. It has to be real because no one would say that in a recreation. Is this one fake? Oh, yes.
Daggum it.
Oh, he's going down slow.
He's trying to plant something in the ground.
That was weird.
Because of the gravity.
We should do a Yak episode in one of those zero-gallon tanks.
It is fake.
That would be awesome.
That would be sick.
This isn't Scorpion either.
Oh, he's doing a push-up.
He's about to break the edge.
Oh, he's disappearing it.
He's daggering the moon.
This is sick.
There he is.
All but about five inches.
Oh.
Okay.
This is fake.
What?
The sound must be fake.
Is that a big golf club?
Yeah, they hit a golf ball on the moon.
This is the 60s.
What do you mean it's the best we got?
He's not even jumping high.
He's jumping like completely abnormal.
With the worst athletes.
That seems irresponsible.
Yeah.
I feel like Bugs Bunny.
He's jumping like one half foot off the ground.
It's what it feels like when you jump into a wave.
Yeah.
It feels like you go 10 feet away.
There were some dudes through the lamest shit possible on the moon.
I'll give you a demonstration here, Joe.
Roger. Right on. Here it goes. Daggering on the moon.
Fuck yeah.
This shit is wholesome too.
Anti-scorpion ass moon landing.
Damn. Scorpion ass moon landing. Him punching the dude in the face makes me think it was real
because I'd be so frustrated if I went to the moon and someone was like,
no, you didn't.
No.
Show me proof.
Here's a video.
There's my footprint and the flag I touched.
Nah, flag's moving.
That would be annoying.
But the fact that they made a spaceship that could take off from the moon, that's fucking crazy.
Yeah.
We're going to take off from the moon?
That shit don't make sense.
Going back down's got to be horrifying.
So scary.
Yeah.
I would just be scared the entire time.
I'd say the whole thing seems...
Yeah. Because taking thing seems... Yeah.
Just taking off seems also terrifying.
Taking off from Earth.
I don't think taking off seems as scary as landing.
What?
Because you missed the Sally Ride shit.
Yeah.
Challenger, baby.
Obviously, I've seen that.
It wasn't Sally.
Challenger.
What is this?
What is this?
Don't show me this.
Airplanes you can go in that simulate zero-g by descending super fast.
Oh, my God. That's so scary
That's so scary goes up really hard and then down really hard and that makes you float for like it's one of those things
I can describe it as much as I want. But until you experience it
Yeah
This is like a product you can pay for.
Can't you just do this? Don't they have zero
gravity?
Can I just do that?
I don't know.
Do the flight?
A photo of that on paper makes no fucking sense
and shouldn't be possible, but it is.
This is 99 Originals.
Holy fuck.
But it's 99 Originals.
NFT project.
Oh.
That was all for an NFT?
That's pretty cool.
Well, thanks.
Remember NFTs?
Yeah.
That was funny.
That shit was hilarious.
Now they just, they even.
There's still some hardcores hanging on.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Big time.
What was it?
The NBA Top Shot?
Oh, yeah.
That was funny. You into that, Brandon? No. I never got i never got i missed like the first three-day window and then it was
too late and then it just it just ended i could have seen you getting into it too i tried i
i was just three days late did you guys get hit up by a bunch of people just being like dude i
got it like you need to be on nft oh yeah yeah i saw a guy on the street stopped me once like
yeah i just sold both of my board apes and I made so much money.
I'm like, okay.
I have people from high school hitting me up that I haven't talked to in years being like.
They almost got you too.
No.
They almost did.
No.
Yes, they did.
Oh, you have paper hands.
No.
You sold GameStop.
Yeah, dude.
I sold GameStop and now it's worth like, what, a quarter of a cent? You have paper hands. No. You sold GameStop. Yeah, dude, I sold GameStop, and now it's worth a quarter of a cent.
You have paper hands.
No.
I led the revolution.
That was a wild two days for you.
It was.
Yeah, it really showed you the power that you did have
when you put your mind to something.
Oh, yeah, it was fun.
We had a good time.
Just your freaking ADHD.
NFTs are one of those things that I'm just so happy
that my brain isn't smart enough to, like,
if people explained it to me and I still didn't understand it,
so I was just like, I'm out.
Smart people outsmarted themselves.
Sometimes it's nice to not be on the leading edge.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, being a follower is a great thing.
What is this?
They did a pit stop in a zero g plane for red bull
you are right why i meant why this isn't on a plane is it it must be why
yo troll it is on a plane. What?
I think we might have pink eye.
Yep, maybe.
Do you feel it?
No, I don't know what it feels like.
I think you have to really, like, have him touch you.
It is very contagious, I think. Oh, it is?
You have to, like, sanitize this whole desk.
I eat my lunchbox.
There it goes.
Mouth sex fucked.
Poor bastard. Steven gets About to burn it. My mouth's sex fucked. Poor bastard.
Steven gets a lot of things.
What do you mean?
Like perks?
He just had COVID.
Oh, yeah?
It honestly probably has something to do with COVID.
His weakened immune system, you think?
Yeah.
Or just sending kids to daycare, probably.
I think it's just when we feel symptoms, we just ignore them.
Yeah.
That's true.
He probably gets sick as often as everybody else.
But checks daily.
He's got a girl heart.
He's got a chick heart, dude.
He actually would be perfect for like his, you know,
some people are like, oh, you have no women on this show.
We saw that with Kate.
But what if we're just like, no, we have Alex.
He's got a chick heart.
That counts.
Yeah. Heart's important.
Barry.
You think they told him before or after?
Oh, definitely after, because if you told him before, he'd be like, no thanks.
The body would automatically reject it.
Oh, by the way, you have a girl heart.
Yeah.
He should not have told anybody.
That's like, you just lose every argument with that. They actually broke it to him by showing him an x-ray,
and it was just a fucking poodle.
Just Zara's website?
Perfectly manicured poodle.
Like, you have dog.
It's a chick dog.
He gets up to pee after the surgery, and he just has a pussy.
I thought you were going to use going to sit down to pee.
You went full pussy. sit down to pee. You went full pussy.
Sitting down to pee.
Wait, what?
No, I liked yours way better.
Did you get a horse heart?
That'd be sick.
If you got a horse heart,
could you?
Three times the size.
You guys ever watch the show
Sorry to Bother You?
No.
Oh.
Or the movie, rather.
I guess I won't spoil it then.
Did he get bothered?
No, but the dude's...
He turns humans into horses.
People have horse cocks.
Big, dumb horse cocks.
Whoa.
Fucking awesome, dude.
You should watch it.
You guys should watch it.
I should definitely watch it.
The Keith Stanfields.
Are they close to making like purely synthetic hearts?
I feel like we're close to that.
Also, there should be more than enough hearts available for everyone who needs one.
No, dude.
You know how crazy that is?
Like you have to die in the perfect.
A person has to die.
Whoa, what has to happen?
They have to die and they have to obviously not have injuries that injured their organs,
and they also have to be an organ donor, and it also has to be almost instant.
Yeah, yeah.
That person died.
They took her heart out, put it in a cooler, flew it to UCLA.
It was in his body probably an hour later.
Well, he said he got the call, and they were like, hey, you're getting one today.
Yeah, right.
It's that quick.
It's like someone dies.
How many people die a day?
But how many deaths are due to a heart? Right. Isn't that the most common? Yeah, right. It's that quick. It's like someone dies and like... How many people die a day? But like how many deaths
are due to a heart?
Right.
Isn't that like the most common?
Yeah, it's the number one.
Yeah, right.
Like that person had to die
in a way that...
Also, it can't be like old...
They don't have a 70-year-old heart.
It's like someone dies
from like old age.
It can't be someone who dies
and like they've been dead
for like a while.
You know what I mean?
Like 20 minutes
and then it's got to be
almost instant.
It really has to be like
a young, healthy person
that dies in the hospital or a car accident. Then there shouldn't be any heart accident.
I used to know a baby heart surgeon.
That's crazy.
Oh, my God.
He was a baby?
Baby heart surgeon.
And he was always on call for that exact reason.
Like, let's go time.
Like, any time, they'd beep him like, yo.
Was heart surgeon not hard enough for him?
Yeah right?
Maybe hard.
This but smaller.
This needs to be smaller.
My hands work too good
with this big heart.
Oh what were you
about to say?
Oh in One Tree Hill
the dad is getting
a heart transplant
and a dog comes
and eats it
out of the cooler.
There was a video
a couple weeks ago
of someone dropping
a heart getting off a helicopter and a guy like trying to bare hand it and he fucking fumbles the cooler. There was a video a couple weeks ago of someone dropping a heart getting off
a helicopter
and a guy trying to
bare hand it
and he fucking
fumbles the heart.
Yeah.
Probably happens a lot.
That happens in
what's that movie
with Mr. Bean
where they're like
Rat Race?
Rat Race.
It happens in Rat Race.
They like fumble the heart.
Oh yeah.
You got too fast.
That's the only
Mr. Bean movie I knew.
That was a star studded cast
Oh quite the ensemble
Sean Green
Yeah
Seth Green
Seth Green sorry
Sean William Scott
John Levitz
John Levitz
Levitz
Oh he was the
Whoopi
Was Whoopi in it
Gloria Aldred
How do you know this
It was a classic movie
It was an ensemble classic
Amy Smart
Yeah she was the hottie
She was in everything
John Cleese
John Cleese
Oh yeah
John Cleese
The eccentric
Pepto Bismol
They bet on like
A bathtub full of
Who was the guy that
Bernie Mac
Pierced his tongue
I loved Amy Smart
Oh he was the
The deaf guy that
Pierced his tongue
Yeah whoopee
What is she up to
Vince Valoof
Cuba Cuba Kathy Bates Yeah, whoopee. What is she up to? Vince Valoof.
Cuba.
Kathy Bates.
Cuba's like a pretty big drinker, right?
Gloria Allred was in there.
He's a creep.
Yeah.
Yeah, there was that video of him getting arrested.
Oh, it was the NHL Awards.
He's like a huge hockey fan.
He was like wasted.
I think he gets wild in Miami.
I forget who it was.
My boy Obes was out to dinner with him in Miami.
He was only 90 miles away.
There's tomorrow morning.
Yep.
Brandon, your mouth is open.
Your mouth is open.
I didn't know you were going to kiss me.
If you're that close to another man, I'd keep my lips sealed.
It's like I'm reading a comic with your thought bubble, Brandon.
PP. Is that a tongue?
You have your eyes closed, Brandon.
Brandon has your eyes closed.
I mean, we're going in.
Let's go in.
I guess you're right.
I didn't want to look at you.
I closed my eyes so you could just do it.
I should have grabbed the back of your head.
My son does that to me sometimes.
When he's kissing me, I'm like, whoa.
Hey, yo, son.
Yeah, pause, bro. Take it easy,
bro.
That's hilarious.
Miss me with that,
son. You're mad,
sus.
You're gonna just slap him in the head.
A little knock in the back of the head.
What are you thinking?
Hey!
You gotta have me a kid, dude.
Yeah, it sounds awesome.
Mad fun.
The giggles?
So much fun.
Just for the bits.
Funny fucks.
Can't wait till KB's your dad.
He's gonna rear the fuck out of his child.
He's gonna be a great dad.
You're gonna be such a good daddy.
When do you give the dagger talk to your son?
I was older.
I was in ninth grade.
Two and a half.
I was fourth grade or something like that.
Well, you got to get him ready for his third birthday.
You're going to spend $8,000 on.
This is a first birthday.
Even with catering.
Where's the $8,000 going?
I actually think I have it.
I think I'm decent at... Well, I don't know.
What kind of catering is he getting?
Something that a baby can't eat.
No, no.
It'd be awesome if it was a full buffet of applesauce.
Yeah, pureed fucking
Gerbers.
Yeah, what do babies
eat? What do babies eat?
What do babies eat?
On his first birthday, just cake.
Just throw it on the floor. Food was $55 a person.
What?
70 people.
Still not even.
Why are 70?
He's serving.
The menu is wood fire Argentine grilled chicken.
Why?
Southwest grilled beef brisket.
Homestyle chicken fingers.
Anytime they put an area on food, they're lying to make it sound better.
Southwest?
No, dude.
Homestyle.
Send me the whole thing.
Yeah, what?
Photo op.
It's at a hotel.
He's doing apartments.
Photo op, $175.
What kind of photo op?
Custom centerpiece rentals and setup.
Eight tables, $320.
Concession stand.
There's a woman at foot here.
Centerpieces.
Concession stand, $575.
There's all these football things.
It's her first birthday.
Is there a clown? What's the concession stand? It's their first birthday.
Is there a clown?
What's the concession?
Isn't that just like a worst version of a buffet? It's worse food.
You have to pay for it? It's a concession.
It sounds like you're buying things.
There's a step and repeat.
When you get up and take the picture
and then keep moving.
With the baby?
There's a black backdrop.
Like how they have at barstool parties
yeah black backdrop
with items posted
into the grass
a few feet in front
guests will stand
in front of the curtain
but behind the letters
and cut out
letters to be 30 inches
cut out to be 6 feet
life size
he has a cut out
of TJ Watt
you know
his son's favorite player
when the kid's just
wondering why he can't have a cool
10th birthday party it's because we fucking blew the budget when you were one
it'd be way sweeter to have a crazy birthday when you're 10 or just like college paid yeah
yeah a thousand dollars towards your no one going to go to college anymore, though. So funny.
By the time in 17 years,
this kid's going to college.
College will be dead by then.
They're already getting rid of the SATs and shit.
What?
Yeah, my sister is a senior in high school,
and she doesn't have to submit her scores anywhere.
What does she submit?
Just your GPA, I think.
That's such bullshit. Yeah.
Torpedoes are the good test takers who are fucking, who can't pay.
Even when I was applying to college, though, you didn't really have to submit.
It was optional.
Yeah, I didn't have a great GPA, but I had a good ACT.
Which is bullshit.
It was one day for me.
I knew how to arrange the popsicle sticks.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all I could do.
I got to run.
I got to do a video.
We're doing a chili cook-off.
Let's all run.
Let's all run.
Oh, then people are going to...
Oh, no, no.
Oh, I've actually beaten the jokes out of them.
They can't do it anymore
because it's become one of those internet jokes
where one person made it very funny next day.
Someone else tried to make it for the upvotes.
Not as funny, and then it just...
I can't tell you the last time this show has just been an hour.
It's true.
We've spoiled them.
We gave them a fucking heart transplant patient.
That was heartwarming and you've got to save your voice.
No.
Hit me with the Do-Re-Mi.
Can I show you one more thing before we leave?
Yes. You saw that Texas A&M story this week?
Yeah. Look at this version we just posted.
It was his lip.
I thought it was yours, Brandon.
You guys became one.
Popeye kissed you.
Oh, man.
I love that.
That Macklemore.
Let's kiss later tonight too, Brandon.
All right.
You know what I tasted on those lips?
What'd you taste?
Polynesian sauce?
His wife's tits.
No, you didn't.
It's Scorpion.
It's Scorpion.
It's time to talk shop and do what you can swap. It's Scorpion, it's Scorpion. It's time to talk shop and do a Yanky Swap.
It's Scorpion It's Scorpion
It's time to dog shop
And do what you can swap
It's Scorpion 4PM.