The Yak - Speed Walking Isn't For The Weak | The Yak 7-30-24
Episode Date: July 30, 2024Turns out KBs shortness of breath isn't real after allYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit b...arstool.link/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Hello.
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Hello, everyone.
Hello, Dan.
Hey, Brandon.
Hey, Dan.
How's it going, Brandon? Good. How are you? I walked with Brandon this morning. Was it Dan. Hey, Brandon. Hey, Dan. How's it going, Brandon?
Good.
How are you?
I walked with Brandon this morning.
Was it fun?
It was nice.
Did you work up a sweat?
Did you guys hold hands?
You can probably find the end of it, of the footage, TJ.
It was like, what, like 9 o'clock?
Around 9 o'clock, yeah.
Yeah, it was.
No, no, no, because I started at 8.
It was like 8.40.
8.48 is when I finished.
So 8.40?
When you came into the studio breathing heavily, was that from the walking?
The push-ups after the walk. Oh, you did push-ups.
Yeah.
Okay.
Also, I don't think Brandon knows how circles work.
Oh.
Well, I don't walk in a perfect circle.
Yeah, I don't think he knows how circles work.
I walk in varied patterns.
Sometimes it's a straight line.
Sometimes I...
He doesn't know how circles work.
Did you attempt to walk in a circle we were we were walking in a circle and he was complaining that i was going slow and then i said okay switch with me and i'll go on the inside of the circle
and then we switched and he was like wow this does make a difference wow he sped up i think on the
inside no i just walked normal i think he sped up, I think, on the inside. No, I just walked normal. I think he sped up.
Yeah, no, circles work.
That's what I learned.
Oh, I just was walking, man.
I was just walking.
You joined me.
I had been walking 30 minutes by the time you joined.
Yeah, no, it was a nice little brisk walk.
I added 10 minutes to my 30-minute regimen today.
I went 40.
Wow, shit.
40.
You got to be tanked right now.
And almost got to 50 push-ups again.
Damn.
Yep, just seven short.
Paul walking a thing all across the country,
or is that just like the old people where I was from?
No, it happens.
It's old people everywhere.
It's cold climates.
It's cold climates.
They do it downtown.
We're too hot out.
Yeah, it gets too hot.
Yeah.
It's just old people wanting to be active but stay indoors,
which is the best of both worlds if you find a great deal
while you're walking true that's not now now that malls have kind of a lot of malls are just not
anything anymore but the buildings are still there do they still go walking in empty malls
yes they do probably better yeah probably a lot better yeah yep do you think people who are
walking like doing their daily walk around neighborhoods they're more about health and fitness or more about being nosy being nosy absolutely nosy and being seen walking too
yeah they just want to see what's going on they want to get some drama i look in every window
i go slow with the stroller i like i want to see what kind of couch you have what are you watching
on tv are you cooking what's for dinner i do love peeking in and seeing what they're watching.
I love it.
That's fine.
I'm so bad at that.
I don't look at anything when I walk.
Oh, man.
One of my neighbors is a huge Dozen fan,
and I've taken pictures of his TV and sent it to him.
No way.
I bought it.
I see him watching the Dozen.
That's awesome.
Since TVs have gotten bigger and cheaper,
it's a lot easier to see what people are watching.
And then I realize I'm taking pictures of through lines of my neighbor's house.
Yeah, you're invading his space.
I take sidewalk walking like it's a NASCAR event.
Like, I don't know, like on a busy sidewalk.
I'm like zooming in and out.
I get fucking pissed off when people walk slow.
Yeah.
Like, genuinely angry.
Walking is a skill not everyone has.
Brandon's developing it.
I'm working on my style right now.
That's awesome.
I wish they had the fucking speed walking still in the Olympics.
That was the best sport.
It's done?
Yeah, I think they got rid of it.
They took it out, yeah.
They looked so funny.
I thought it was like once it's in.
No, they take it out all the time.
Baseball's been in and out, in and out.
Wait, baseball's out again?
Baseball's out now. It'll be back in 28, I think. Why are they doingball's been in and out, in and out. Wait, baseball's out again? Baseball's out now.
It'll be back in 28, I think.
Why are they doing this?
It just comes out every now and then.
Huh?
Yeah, I don't get it.
Baseball's out.
Who decides that?
Did Dahl play Djokovic?
Yeah.
Wait, did he?
Already?
Yeah, in singles he did.
Now he's playing doubles right now.
Who won?
Not a big thing.
Djokovic.
Oh, wow.
On the clay?
On clay, yeah.
Wow. not a big thing oh wow on on the clay on clay yeah wow do you think any of us could
be to whatever the speed walking distance is beat the gold medalists time no if we ran i don't think
so no they're basically yeah i agree what's the i forget what the yeah what's the best time tj can
you find a clip that's not a little fix multiple multiple distances, right? I think it's only two.
I think it's like long and longer.
Yeah.
No, seriously.
So there's not a 100-meter walk?
No, they do like a 25-kilometer and a 50-kilometer.
That's it.
I would like some short distance.
Oh, you're a kilometer.
One foot.
I mean, it's the Olympics.
My world record is 530.
Kilometer?
530?
So one foot has to be on the ground at all times.
Smug-ass smile. A kilometer? They did a 530 mile. I think both work is 530. Kilometer? 530? So one foot has to be on the ground at all times. Smug-ass smile.
Kilometer?
They did a 530 mile.
I think both work.
530 mile?
530 mile.
Wait, what?
Kate.
Yeah, look at them, dude.
Wait, what is their actual pace?
Oh, they're going.
How do you get into this?
I think that first guy's foot's coming up.
That's doable for now.
There's judges.
I think there's like a street version of this, too.
There's a track and a street one.
Huge crowd.
These guys don't have groupies, do they?
There's a groupie for everything.
Nobody wants to fuck a walker.
You'd be shocked.
Connor?
That second guy's running, by the way.
You're talking about Connor?
He's a fan.
Oh, it actually is 530.
Well, no, the date is 530.
That's a run.
I can't see.
What does it say?
That's May 31st.
Oh, that would have been impossible.
I thought that was the time.
Yeah, that was stupid.
No, it is 530.
Oh, they're about to go on a pace.
Look, they just didn't laugh.
What is the pace?
It is 531.
That's me.
Because this is 2017.
That's the date.
That's the date.
Oh, it does say 2017.
That is the date.
Oh, wow.
London had the Olympics at 512.
They're going 530?
Oh, that is the time.
I cannot do that.
What?
No way you can do that.
He's running.
I wouldn't say no way.
Some of them have speed glasses on.
Yeah, that guy in the orange is zesty as fuck.
He's super zesty.
Look at him.
Look at those hips.
It's like a Jim Carrey character.
That's Brandon's sassy walk.
All right, that's speed walking.
Snook.
Wish it was still a sport.
Brandon, how fast do you think you could speed walk a loop?
Not very fast, I don't think. still a sport. Brandon, how fast do you think you could speedwalk a loop? Not very fast,
I don't think. Under a minute.
You want to race? A loop?
Yeah. Speedwalking race?
Yeah. We should have a tournament.
No, we should have a time. We should all do the time. Add it to the gauntlet. Because that way you don't
know how fast, like you
you're not racing against someone. Alright, so
what are you doing? Kyle, what do you have?
Kyle's been on his patronizing shit
I just want to say he's been patronizing me
Look at this
What is this
I walked into the Anus studio yesterday
And I was like you guys doing the crossword
And they're like yeah and Kyle's like you could probably get one of these
I literally walked right out
Out of 75
I just turned around and walked out
What am I doing
Free Drew Jackson to whoever can do the old Twitter logo best.
Whoa.
Give me a sheet of paper.
Where are your pens?
Oh, fuck.
Where's our pens?
They're on the floor in a box.
Here's one.
Does anyone need one?
It's a zebra.
There's a box of them on the floor behind Nick.
I can't.
I don't know why I'm fronting right now.
I have no idea.
Why are you fronting?
You fronting?
No, you got it.
You got this, Brando.
Nailed it.
Don't look.
Don't look.
I don't know what it looks like.
I can't see.
Like the original Kyle?
Or the one before X?
The bird.
What is that? It's a bird. That's a bird? I the one before X? Yeah, the bird. What is that?
It's a bird.
Oh.
That's a bird?
It's really fucking good.
Yeah, look at it.
See that?
For everyone watching, it looks exactly like that.
There it is.
I'm about to draw my ass off.
That might not be good, Brandon.
Brandon, that might suck.
Did I win?
Oh, Brandon.
I want to see who's the fastest speed walker.
I don't remember what the fuck.
This is a Bacardi logo.
This is a bat.
Oh, I thought you said Bacardi logo.
What?
What?
Oh, my bad.
Did I nail the Bacardi logo?
Never mind.
I can't draw.
I don't even know what it looks like.
You think you got it, Brandon?
I think I got it.
I don't know.
I'm going to go with that right there, Kyle.
Oh, that's not bad.
That's pretty good.
That's probably the best.
Thank you.
That was Nick who did that.
20 bucks?
That's a DJ.
It's a DJ in the pocket.
No.
I have a trick.
Do you want the trick?
No, I don't want the trick.
You want a trick or not a trick?
I don't want the trick.
I can do a trick.
No, no tricks. I want to see the trick. Do you guys want to see the trick? i don't want the trick you want a trick or not a trick i don't want the i can do a trick no no tricks i want to see that you guys want to see the trick i would like to
trick might kill me you're gonna get to 20 either way i'd like to see the trick all right
all right close your eyes no close your eyes it's a trick close your eyes keep your eyes closed
okay open your eyes
what the hell Okay. Open your eyes.
What the hell?
You just ripped this in half.
That's $20. That was a trick.
That's directly in half too. You can't turn one side into a bank.
Mook's reaction is like he threw an infant in a river.
I just felt a part
of me leave.
Watch. Kyle, this was just your $20.
I know. Here's the trick part.
Yeah.
Wait, no way.
What if this works?
What if...
You're going to give him 100 back.
This is like when Harry Potter destroys a horcrux and part of me dies.
Yes, exactly like that.
What's happening right now?
Mook, you could stretch that for like two months.
Yeah, dude.
Don't look at me doing the trick.
Mook, what's the last non-food or drink purchase you've made?
That's a good question.
Or clothes.
I'll allow even a lot of clothes.
Okay, yeah, clothes.
I can't even think
A box of
Prism football cards
That was like four months ago
Okay open your eyes
They've been open the whole time
Okay
Alright
Now you can do cocaine out of both nostrils
That's pretty good
That's a good trick
That's worth it that's pretty good. That's a good trick.
That's worth it.
That's pretty good.
I was just going to give you the $20.
I'll fix it.
I'm going to fix it.
I'll fix it.
I'll tape it.
You can tape it.
You can tape it.
You tape it.
You can tape it.
People would take it.
Yeah, you can tape it. You can tape it.
If you tape it with nice, clear tape.
Bring it to the bank, they'll give you a new bill.
Really?
As long as the serial numbers match.
When I was a little kid, I ripped my life savings in half.
What?
Wait, what?
I had $660 in a piggy bank, and I tried to pull it out to look at it,
and I ripped all of the bills in half trying to pull them out of a piggy bank.
All of them?
Yeah, and I thought I was going to get in trouble,
so I just threw them all away and tried to say nothing about it.
My parents found them in the trash and accosted me me about it that's that's a crime which part you ripping all those monies
throwing them away i thought i thought i was just done i thought the money was was broken because i
ripped it and y'all went to the bank and it got fixed yeah we taped them up and you could bring
them to the bank and they'll give you fresh bills. Yeah.
As long as the serial numbers match.
Oh, I know what I bought, Nick.
I rented Jurassic Park last night.
Oh, great.
Oh.
Well, that's not buying.
That's not buying.
That's renting.
Fuck.
How'd you like it?
I bought cocaine in Miami three months ago.
There we go.
There we go.
That's not food or drink.
Yeah, me and scum.
But Jurassic Park, great movie.
Yeah. Never saw it. The original? Yeah. I've never seen it. Top. That's not food or drink. Yeah, me and scum. But Jurassic Park, great movie.
Never saw it.
The original?
Yeah.
I've never seen it.
Top three.
CGI still holds up, right?
I didn't see it until like... It does.
It still holds up.
It actually does.
It looks good.
When they see the brontosaurus for the first time and that theme hits.
Welcome.
I had to leave the theater.
Hold on to your butts.
Hold on to your butts Hold on to your butts
Do you think anyone
Like a family member of any of the deceased
Presidents has used
Like money as a pick up line
And like see that guy
He's my great great great grandpa
I think it stops being cool that you're
Related to him after grandpa
Great doesn't work
Not for me
Who's the youngest dude on money cool that you're related to him after grandpa. Great doesn't work? Not for me.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Who's the youngest dude on money?
JFK, right?
Isn't he on silver dollar?
A half dollar.
I thought that was Eisenhower.
Who's on?
Is Eisenhower on a?
He's on money?
I don't know.
Did they put Tubman's ass on something?
They got second way on there.
Did they?
For sure.
I think Tubman was going to replace Jackson.
They put Tubman's ass on something.
Tubman died in like 1942.
I think she was going to be on the 20, wasn't she?
I might have made that up.
No, I think you're right.
I think she lived forever.
Okay, Woodrow Wilson.
That guy doesn't deserve to be on something. Wait, yeah on the hundred thousand we have a hundred thousand dollar bank note yeah
rover cleveland also bum what's he on the thousand overrated dude he's on the thousand okay
william mckinley never heard of him on the 500 okay? Okay. Benjamin Harrison. Did he get assassinated?
What's Benjamin Harrison?
McKinley was assassinated.
Harrison died in office, right?
He just died of old age, right?
Yeah.
So maybe that's the...
30 days after...
John Sherman?
Who the fuck are these guys?
That's John Sherman.
Wait a minute.
He was a military guy, right?
He was Secretary of Treasury.
We gotta update these bills.
Wait, wait.
Let's get some bills that we know.
I think we need more women on all these bills.
Woodrow?
I don't.
But that's just the notes.
What about coinage?
Yeah.
I wouldn't want to.
I need to see coinage.
I want my dollar to.
I don't want to throw women at women in the strip club.
No.
Throw men at women.
Yeah.
Throw men at women.
Yeah.
Sorry about ripping this.
It's okay.
I'm going to fix it. It's this. I'm going to fix it.
It's fine.
I'm going to make it whole.
And if I don't, I'll give you one.
Yeah, you didn't treat that competition with enough respect.
First you did the wrong logo, and then you ripped up the prize.
Well, because KB's been patronizing me.
No, he hasn't.
Non-stop.
He put you in a direct competition.
He put you in a kilometer, and he said, you say kilometer?
And then he did this big joker grin.
Yeah.
Thick in the skin, brother.
It hurts my feelings.
I don't know.
Kilometer.
I don't know.
You know.
I don't say the word.
I don't know if it's biopic or biopic.
I've never known that.
Yes.
It's both, right?
Biopic sounds like they're checking a mole for cancer.
Yeah.
Biopic sounds better. Look at this this is us walking yeah we need someone to like zoom in and do the
uh like click the pictures like two mob boss you also told me we were walking really fast today and
i thought i was walking fast we don't look fast there no we don't that looks leisurely as i know
but we we were walking fast as fuck were you guys chatting the whole time? Yes, we were. We were having a good conversation.
Yeah, he tried to walk right in.
He's just wandering in.
He tried to wander back. I don't think we said
anything to him. You guys didn't let Mince it.
Look at that. He's going right. Yeah, we just walked
right past him. Walked right past him.
Oh.
So that's having a just big time conversation.
He moves without rhyme or reason.
Correct. He kind of rhyme or reason. Correct.
He kind of floats.
And then if he bumps into you,
it's like a Macy's Thanksgiving. He's like an NPC.
He's like an electron.
Yeah, he'll stick to anything.
He is like an electron.
He's like an electron.
He's an electron.
Two weeks, his band has been lifted.
He told me yesterday.
Yeah, he mentioned it.
Oh, he's...
I thought it was August.
We got to add more.
We did the rounds.
We got to add more.
If he's been actually watching the band, being like, I can't wait to be back, we'll have to extend it.
He's still on his hot streak, though.
He's never stopped being on his hot streak.
I want to find out who's the fastest speed walker.
Okay.
Let's go in twos.
I think it's the outside of the court.
Yeah.
One full lap.
One full lap.
Wait, y'all don't want to, I guess to be on camera,
I'd have to do it out here,
but y'all don't want to walk through the office at all?
No, because then you could cheat and run.
Yeah.
Why does your mind go straight to that?
Well, because you would do it.
I know you'd be sprinting.
You would as well.
No, I wouldn't.
Are we turning left or right left right exactly that fucked me up all right so nick going up there let's see how fast you can speed walk i don't want to go first dan
i'll go first. Connor. Yeah.
You're not so scary after all.
Connor.
This is what happens when KB patronizes me.
Just chipping away.
Yeah.
Wow.
You can still tell me to do whatever you want. Damn.
We're all emboldened now.
We'll give you half this 20.
This is how a revolution starts.
Am I just going to start?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Start in the middle.
No. No, not in the middle. I'm saying like, yeah, right in the middle and then no not in the middle I'm saying like yeah right where
the cornhole
his shoes look springy
they do where you start
start on the line
should we do red line because the
yeah red line just do red line all the way around
red line yeah
you have to have at least one foot on the ground right yeah the entire time yeah is the gun in the way yeah the
gun's in the way you got to go around the gun but not inside outside the red line outside the gun
okay okay ready set go oh you gotta go faster oh he's so slow he i think he was too proud to like
really try yeah no he's not see that's why i was too proud to really try. No, he's not.
See, that's why I didn't want to go first.
I'm going to... This is the slowest walk.
They don't pump their arms.
That's a mom walk.
No.
That's a mom...
But he has the calves of a Belgian draft horse.
He does.
That's what I...
I just can't get over that.
He does.
Fat Pete...
Obese.
Not him.
That was awful. Not bad. awful legs like him belong on the obese
like the the disney plus size uh wait the yeah streaming service i know what you're talking
about was that bad are you talking about the streaming service or disney five vats of churned
cream and walk around and go to disney oh the Oh, the Disney Plus sized, yeah. Oh, you see the Disney rashes that they get?
Yeah.
They walk five to ten miles a day.
Yeah.
What they're doing is very impressive in the Floridian humidity.
Do they get those rashes?
They're very healthy.
No.
Every single one has a double knee break.
I just can't get over the size of their calves.
I feel like being obese and then.
Calves.
Yeah.
Well, you have to carry that around.
Weight.
Yeah.
I got great calves.
Oh, yeah.
Let's see.
Was I not flying out there?
No.
Start was super slow.
No.
I felt like I was gliding.
Nick's going.
Nick, you're going to dominate him.
You also didn't hug the line.
You got to hug the line.
I was just grooving.
So is this endurance, skill?
That's the speed right here.
Or is it just size of length of legs?
Outside the red.
Outside of the gun, yeah.
Around the gun.
All right, ready, set, go.
Yeah, way better.
Way better.
John T. Farley.
I think you really got to get low and let your hips get into it.
You've got to get the hips going.
Oh, he's smoking me right now.
You've got to let the hips just start firing away.
Yeah, he's smoking me.
Oh, that was a good turn.
We'll hop there.
Here he comes.
Yeah.
Time.
Nice.
All right, beat me by three.
Yeah, that's how you do it right there.
That was great.
Well done.
Spider very fast.
Spider's beating Mook by accident.
Was my form solid?
Yeah.
Real solid.
Real solid.
I'm not out of breath.
Yeah.
I am.
Brandon, go on.
I'm actively out of breath.
Show us.
Here we go.
All your training.
This is going to be so sassy.
Oh, my God. He snapped. Here we go. All your training. This is going to be so sassy. Oh, my God.
He snapped.
Oh, shit.
The sassiest walker.
Wait, TJ, can you do a soundtrack for this one?
Can we do like a royalty-free macho man?
Let's go girls
alright ready
set go
oh my word
oh he cut corner
his stride is crazy
yeah it is my word
but I think it's working like I think it's working.
Like, I think it's working.
I think he's...
Oh!
Oh, wait.
I think he was using it for balance.
Yes, he had to.
That was great.
Well done, Brett.
Did you lose?
What was...
Yeah, who was better?
I don't know.
It was 21-03, maybe?
That just brought me back to walking around New York and seeing that.
Nobody walks faster than a New York gay.
They're the best walkers.
DJ, you good?
Yep.
All right, three, two, one, go.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
That's like a ball. His ass is out.
His ass is way out.
Oh, that's an angry walk.
Oh, he's moving.
That's an angry walk.
He is moving.
He's walking very barely.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Whoa.
17, 39.
You got to get your arms in.
But the furthest thing out from your body was your nipples.
Yeah, I know.
You were walking behind yourself.
That's insane for a guy.
I think you just got to lead and just kind of let your momentum take you.
I think you have to actively fall.
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of almost always falling.
I got big hopes for you right here.
You're like a generally cool guy.
You look cool, but you look like generally cool guy. You look cool.
You look like such a loser.
Hey, listen.
You know what's cool?
Winning.
You're right.
I want to go again.
I think we should all get two trials.
I don't know that we need two.
I think Titus is going to win.
I think we should have a final four.
He's going to be so long.
You ready, Titus?
Oh.
Let me warm it up.
All right.
Okay.
Ready, set, go.
Oh, very.
Yeah, see?
Yeah, he's kind of doing.
Oh, wonky.
He's at a lot as fast.
Wow.
The hips are up there.
There it is.
He's got the activated hips.
Oh, my fucking God.
Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. He's got to activate the hips. Oh, my fucking God. He activated the hips.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
I think you're right.
You got to walk angry.
Yes.
The only way to do it is to walk angry.
You got wonky there, or else you would have had the record.
Yeah.
It took me half a lap to feel the groove.
1725.
What were you, 1721?
We'll do a time trial for the last three.
I feel like a mother chasing their toddler around the house or something.
That's why I think I might be okay at this.
I think I'm going to do it.
That's the new record, 17.25.
Titus, big cat at 17.39.
Wow.
That was a world record.
I just said a world record.
Semis, yeah, we do a second heat.
No, no, top four, yeah. Oh, shit. This one's going to whistle. This is going to be slow as fuck. I just said a world record Semis yeah we do a second heat Top four yeah
This one's gonna whistle
This is gonna be slow as fuck
Okay
She just crumbles
Into dust halfway through
I just don't know
She just keeps going
Kate no
Wind coming through her nose
Alright ready Kate 3, ready, Kate?
Three, two, one, go.
She's not bad.
She's just out for a stroll.
Oh, that looks like a little.
Starting to move.
She looks like she's sprinting.
Good time.
Her spine might fall out.
She's like playing Don't Wake Daddy.
Oh, she's. Oh... Good time. Her spine might fall out. She's like playing Don't Wake Daddy. Oh, she's...
Oh!
What a good time.
Did you pee?
No.
Why are you holding your...
I think I pulled my groin away.
Oh, no.
Great time, Kate.
Phew, how'd I do?
19.
Yeah.
I'm a piece of shit.
All right, so who's the top four?
You gotta go, and so does Che.
You fool. And Che.
Oh, Che's gonna be so good. Yes.
Get up there, KB.
I'm gonna look like Luigi.
Why?
That's cool. Luigi's
pretty awesome.
Wildly out of breath.
Okay.
KB, angry walk, which we know you can do.
Seethe walk.
Okay.
Three, two, one, go.
Look at his ass.
Look at his ass.
Look at his ass.
Yeah.
He's got it, though.
He's moving.
He's got it.
Holy crap.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Stop bending his Holy crap. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Stop bending his knees.
Oh my God.
What the fuck?
He did look like Luigi.
Yeah, he did look like Luigi.
You're right.
It looked just like Luigi.
That was incredible.
Wow.
Player two.
You looked awesome.
Holy shit.
You didn't even bend your knees.
Yeah, what the fuck?
I'm like really good at that.
Really good at that.
I knew you would be.
That was incredible, Kyle.
Wow.
Have you always been good at that?
Have you always been a speed walker?
No.
Did you try out for speed walking in high school?
I don't know. i don't know i don't know
all right all right all right three two one go
what is this why why is he doing this What's he doing? What is this?
Why is he doing this?
I feel better about this.
He's going to say he wasn't kidding, too.
Is he trying to get...
What's he doing?
Revved up?
You were done in four seconds.
What the fuck are you doing?
Can he not do this?
Luke, if he beats you...
If he beats me, I...
Now I feel like I went super slow.
What the hell?
What was that?
I think he beat me.
What did you do?
I have no idea.
I don't know.
I feel awful about myself.
Dude, state your purpose.
What was that?
Hey, explain to us what just happened.
Speed walking, right?
Yeah, but why did you start so slowly?
You did the walking fine.
It was the speed part that you struggled with.
I don't know.
I thought it was pretty.
You just can't bend your – you have to have one foot on the ground at all times, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Were you confused by the term?
Do you think you were going to cook for us?
No.
The first 10 steps were very, very – it was like you were crawling.
I wasn't really prepared to do this.
Do it again.
I tried to get out of it.
What does that mean?
Do it again. Do it again.
Was the rest of it okay?
Go way faster.
He wasn't prepared to walk today.
Do what you did, but do it way faster.
Magic trip complete.
It looks perfectly fine.
That was a magic trip.
Scotch.
Alright, Che.
Focus on the start here Hot out the gate
3, 2, 1, go
No
What is he doing
Is he walking on his heels
He looks like he's dreaming
I think he's thinking too hard about both feet having to be on the ground
He's like taking it super serious
There he picked it up, there's good
Whoa feet having to be on the ground. He's like taking it super serious. There he picked it up. There's good.
Whoa.
Let me just do this from now on.
That's a good time. Okay.
What was that?
Yeah, 20. Not really though. Four seconds.
That's pretty good. That's probably top
four. No, it's not. Definitely not top four.
Pretty close. No. Yeah, pretty close to top
four. Out of a group.
I'll go save it to you.
Seven of us.
I don't know.
Let me go check.
I think it's close.
I think I'm right on the cut.
You beat Mook.
You beat me, and you beat him.
Oh, shit.
Did he beat me?
He beat me, and I'm not.
You're about 21, right?
I'm not built to be.
Oh, I thought we were 20.
We went early, though.
Yeah, we did.
Would you like another chance?
No, I don't want to do it again.
Yeah.
All right, I'm fifth, but pretty close.
Almost top four.
Enter the data.
Almost top four.
So KB first, 14.87.
Titus second, 17.25.
Big Cat third, 17.39.
Kate.
Rounding out the top four is Kate, 19.36.
Wow.
Okay.
Shit.
So let's go in reverse.
Kate, you go, and then I'll go.
Okay.
And Titus and KB.
All I do is walk.
World Championship.
All I do is walk now.
I don't know if I have any seconds to shave.
Now, do we have to break KB's record, or everything gets thrown out?
Everyone's thrown out, right?
It's the new final.
Yeah, the final.
May I throw a wrinkle in?
Instead of going in times against,
what if you line up with the baseline
and we went semifinals, two on two.
Oh, I like that.
Baseline to baseline.
It should be KB versus Kate and B versus Titus.
Baseline to baseline to baseline.
That's a different sport.
That is a different sport.
No, that's a race.
Now you're stopping and starting.
That's a race. You've got stopping and starting. That's a race.
You gotta stop on the baseline.
That doesn't give an advantage to somebody who's on the side or outside.
No, I think we should do all four of us five-lap race.
Five-lap race. Around.
Alright. Well, you have stagger starts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KB gets a little bit of an extra start.
KB's gonna smoke y'all.
Five laps?
Tate's gonna die. No,all. Five laps? Tate's going to die.
No, no.
You start right here.
So you obviously have to, by the baseline, you have to be inside the red.
But you start on the inside, then Titus.
That seems like a disadvantage, Dan.
You get to move in.
You get the advantage.
No, but the advantage would be being on the red right now, right? Okay, so where should KB start? Oh, so KB should start on the advantage. No, but. You have to go around the red stuff. The advantage would be being on the red right now, right?
Okay, so where should KB start?
Oh, so KB should start on the red.
Right.
And we just flank it like this.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All right, so you got to get right around KB.
Okay.
All right, so how many laps?
Five.
All right.
TJ, well, does time matter?
No.
Okay, so.
Five laps.
I'm not ready for this.
Jesus Christ.
Three, two, one, go.
And they're off.
There they go.
Kyle's ass bouncing up.
Titus is right behind him.
Titus is right on him.
Oh.
Here they go.
Look at KB in a constant state of fall.
KB's just running.
Kyle's shaped like a staple remover.
One lap.
That's one.
KB's sprinting.
Oh, Titus almost hit him.
This is kind of...
Oh my god, Kyle getting distance.
AB breaking away.
Two laps. Oh my god,
Kyle's really turned on the jets.
Tan's going to be struggling in a minute.
Mark Titus has a great view
right now. He does. does oh big cat head down
barreling oh oh halfway yeah good good call okay call left three oh it's coming down to the wire
folks big cat wow look at that go go go coming off. He gave it all he could.
Final lap.
Final lap.
Final lap.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, now the endurance.
KB is pulling away.
Oh, my word.
KB is pulling away.
Look at this.
He's moving like a tremendous machine.
Oh, my God.
Kyle Bauer.
Kyle Bauer.
Beautiful. Oh, my God. Kyle Bauer. Kyle Bauer. Beautiful.
Oh, my God.
Walking like he's late to lunch in his 21st year high school.
In the 1920s.
Yeah.
It's the fastest I've moved in two years.
Wow.
Impressive stuff, boys.
Impressive stuff.
I don't know why y'all fucking did that.
Yeah.
You're on the metal stand.
Podiumed.
Silver for Titus.
You guys really made it competitive in that fourth lap.
You started sprinting.
Yeah, you like that move I made on the outside?
But I had nothing left.
I made it too early.
KB, you okay?
Well, yesterday we had a whole episode about how KB can't breathe.
Some say bronze is actually better than silver.
Because silver, you just go to bed at night being like, I was so close.
Bronze, I never had a chance.
I'm happy.
Pummel horse guy got bronze.
Yeah, there was a moment late in lap three.
Yeah, where I tried to make my move.
It was too early.
Yeah, as you were making your move and I was fighting it off, I realized I was sprinting.
I think we both ran.
I for sure ran. Big Cat made a move
and his pants fell down.
I made a move and it was way too early.
That freaked me out. I should have started my move
with one lap to go. The way you speed up
is you tuck your skull into your body.
Yeah. I guess it's to...
Breathe. Yeah.
Maybe it's an aerodynamic thing.
Can we see the replay of
that contentious third lap?
We were going fast, Pat.
I think I cheated.
I don't think you cheated. Everybody cheated at one point, Kyle.
We all were cheating at the same time.
Kate started running
five steps into the race.
Really?
That's okay. You were fast. Dude oh that's okay you were fast dude that was
hard and they do that for like 25 miles does time matter okay so five laps i'm not ready
i wasn't ready for this one go and they're off
kyle do you think you do a seven minute mile there you go no you're good now this is so good
no that was.
What a beautiful.
I'm just.
I tried drafting.
Did it work?
It wasn't working much.
You're not running.
Kit,
you're just lightly jogging.
That's harder than it seems.
Wow.
This is Olympic glory right here.
This is where you make your move, Big Cat.
Yep, because I almost lost it when you did this.
The straightaways were where I was trying to hit.
You tucked your head.
I look like a monster.
Yeah, here it was.
Oh, my pants.
Yeah.
This is crazy.
I ran out of gas.
And my pants.
And there, you called it right there.
I feel like I'm jogging right at this point.
You guys are all just running.
I sprinted at one point.
All right, losers bracket.
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes. Losers bracket. No, no, no, no. Yes. I did 31 at one point. All right, loser's bracket. No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes.
Loser's bracket.
No, no, no, no.
Yes.
I did 31 push-ups.
Loser's bracket.
Loser.
Come on.
Come on, you got this.
Loser has to do a dizzy bat lap.
We're doing five?
Yeah.
Yeah, five.
Loser does a.
Just don't let Shea win.
Shea win.
I got adrenaline pumping through me.
That's the most.
Yeah, that was fun. It also just like there's no way to do that and not look like the biggest loser ever,
which makes it very fun.
Okay.
Ready, boys?
Ready, set, go. And they're off go brain in it looks like nick is actually great great move by nick chase whole i'm walking slowly thing oh mook oh this actually is smart that
they're kind of pacing themselves a little bit it's like long distance speed skating yeah they
don't race until the last lap yeah that that that was my mistake. I should have waited until the last lap.
What?
So, to me, that was way harder than running that distance would have been.
Yeah.
Is Brandon waiting to make a move, or is he just happy to be there?
You're using energy to slow down almost.
There must be something.
Yeah, you're exerting.
Look at them.
The line of them.
Oh, here comes Brandon. He can't make the moves on the turns. That was you're deserted. Look at them. The line of them. Oh, here comes Brandon.
He can't make the moves on the turns.
That was two laps down.
Brandon, you can do it. You can do it.
Push, Brandon. Come on, Brandon.
Push, Brandon. Dig deep.
Just stay in it till the end, Brandon.
Then you can make a move.
This is the most mooks move.
Che just anatomically cannot do it.
Yeah.
Nick is.
All right, two laps to go.
I want Brandon to make a move.
Brandon, stay in it for one more lap, then you make a move.
Stay in it, Brandon.
Oh, no.
He's getting slower Stay in it Brandon
Nick
Last lap
Last lap
Oh here comes Brandon
Go Brandon
Go Brandon
Empty the tank
Use your body
Go Brandon
Oh no here he comes Oh Shoved him a little body. Go Brandon.
Oh no, here he comes.
Whoa.
Oh, shoved him a little.
Nick.
Nick.
Brandon, Silver,
Mook,
Ron, Steven just stinks.
It's hard.
That was maybe the dumbest thing we've ever done But it was fun
Brennan's out for the rest of the show I think
Lose rest to Dizzy
Where's he?
He kept on after every lap
He's like we have four more?
Like he couldn't understand that five is a number
He's out
He's out
I was hot too
My legs felt weird doing it.
A little shaky.
We determined it's probably the hardest sport.
Ever.
Ever.
Of all time.
I don't understand how these people do it.
You have to go fast, but show restraint.
It's a tightrope act.
Right.
Brandon.
Look at that.
Heart of a champion.
Silver medalist in the loser's bracket.
That's tough. He trucked me. He did. Heart of a champion. Silver medalist in the loser's bracket. That's tough.
He trucked me.
He did.
He used his body.
That was a big customer move.
My breathing's back.
Mine.
No?
It turns out I don't have shortness of breath.
What do you have?
Just shortness.
Just shortness.
You went into the doctor and they said that?
It's a byproduct of being an irreversibly tiny man
Being a fucking
socially submissive
chronic-tis of fear scaredy cat
for my whole life
You go into the doctor and they do all these like blood tests
and put you on a treadmill and then the last
test is they just have you stand against the wall and they're just like oh shit yeah i'm just you're
just short shout out to people the people dming me i got recruited to the dsm hive what's that
fellow fucking pathological pussies and neurological gnomes who just attribute all of their flaws
to diagnosable disorders.
Wait, so these are people who just constantly
are trying to diagnose something?
Yeah, it's like, dude, it's diagnosable.
It's pathological.
Like, no, I'm just scared.
Shit, man.
You got shortness of breath during the crossword yesterday.
Oh, the one that you...
And had to go take a break.
Oh, the one that you kind of belittled me?
Very much so.
Yeah.
What was it?
Was anybody else's shins, like, on fire?
Yeah, no, my whole body hurts.
Those are the moments where you realize, like, you're way out of shape.
I'm feeling positive.
I didn't know I could move like that
I might be back
I'm built for power not speed
Okay okay
You're a power walking sprinter
Yes
Distance walker
You good?
Time?
Yeah
Didn't you retire from physical activity two days ago i did mook i did but that was just a good
healthy walk with the boys okay that was fun it was what other olympic sport travel dry yeah
would you guys try to pole vault like into a pool nope no yeah yeah
in a pool yeah well yeah i would no way one of the scariest things i wouldn't do a full-size
pole not the official pole six foot pole yeah six foot pole that that does feel like a crazy
sport to get into like what's the what what does like seven year old pole vaulting look like there's also just no
upside whatsoever the only way you could have upsides if you're uh like a hot chick
yeah who's the big guy mondo is the guy right now mondo de plant there's some legends
are there yeah like who like that would be so cool to pole vault like mondo world record but
no one if someone came up and they're like i'm an an Olympic pole vaulter, I'd be like, cool.
Mondo.
I would be really impressed.
Really?
I'd be super impressed.
That's very impressive.
Suicide.
You got balls?
Yeah.
If you meddled, where would you put it in your home?
Wherever Mondo wanted.
You want to show that, especially if it's a more obscure thing and people wouldn't know.
Own your mantle if you still have a mantle.
I think it doesn't matter where you put it.
That's the whole point of you have to get the rings tattooed.
Yeah.
Anybody can do that.
If I was a single guy?
If Malasek gets it, I'm going to get it too.
Some people have gotten just five green rings, just a standard tattoo color,
and others have gotten the actual colors of the rings.
Why green?
You know how...
What are you talking about?
Standard tattoo color.
What?
Green?
No, it's green, right?
What?
Are you colorblind?
What's that mean?
Isn't it black?
Aren't they green?
Are you colorblind?
Standard tattoo?
Do you not realize you're colorblind?
On a white guy?
I've never seen an all green tattoo.
Green?
Green?
Does that mean black?
Standard?
You mean black? Is that not green? I've never seen an all green tattoo. Green? Does that mean black? Standard? You mean black?
Is that not green?
Oh my god.
That's black, dude.
Green?
Green?
Wait, you've always thought tattoos
were green? You thought every tattoo
was green? Now his eyesight's gone.
The standard green?
What?
Dude.
Say that again.
Be honest.
Do you still see green?
Is that not...
That's not green?
Huh.
You see the tattoo I'm looking at?
That's black?
That's black.
Sure is.
I'll be.
Did you grow up with a lot of green men in your neighborhood today i learned so a lot of people get the the rings just in the standard black others get the fancy all the
right ring colors you could say gray even you've just been looking at tattoos the whole time
thinking they were using the standard green. I thought they were tattoo green.
I thought they had their own hue.
Are you thinking of Tatooine?
The planet.
The yak's real diverse. We even got
a little green man. That's not green.
That's not green on Paige.
They don't match her hat. Paige, come here.
Yeah.
What color are your tattoos?
Black.
Oh. Yeah What color are your tattoos? Black Oh Brandon thinks those are green
Am I alone in the world?
Are you colorblind?
I think you might be colorblind
But colorblind people can see black
Yeah
Are you a dog?
Does that look green to you?
Be honest with us.
I think he thinks it's green still.
Yeah, I think it's safe space.
That's green.
No.
No.
No.
Do you know?
Wait, hold on.
We got to break this down to the basics.
Can we just get the colors up for Brandon?
Do you know what green is?
That looks, that's such a dark color. That's not green?
Brandon, what color is your shirt?
Oh, that's green. That's a different kind of green.
Okay. Not tattoo green, though.
This is tattoo green.
That is black.
What color are Kyle's shorts?
Wait, my hat's green.
Your hat's green. Your hat's green, yeah. Certainly.
KB's shorts are a good test, yeah.
I'm so confused.
My wife used to get upset at me when I would describe our car as brown.
I would tell people, look for the brown car.
She said, that's gray.
Okay, well, there is some...
Right, there's green.
There's some factual sciences to what you think.
Okay.
When the black hits the flesh, there's a green.
Green shades are the last to get absorbed.
I don't know if that helps him.
Is it when they fade?
That's when it would probably go gray.
I don't know.
Am I alone in the world right now?
Is there anybody?
No.
I just Googled it and there's nothing that comes up about what you got.
You need to take a colorblind test.
Let's have him do it right now.
Yeah.
Wait, Brandon.
So your baseline thought is anyone that
gets a tattoo gets a standard green they go in and they say give me the standard green well you
just thought that was the default color okay green a black tattoo from turning oh why does black
tattooing look green why is this i'm not crazy i guess you're not no but their tattoos are not
green though all right so give us colorblind test that you're not crazy that leaf is that leaf yeah that
leaf is green leaf is green as fuck but you pointed to her dragonfly so is it only things
that are typically green you see is green no everything on her body look green all right do
this enter the number on the first one all right here we go brand all right seven yeah okay six
what if y'all are the blind ones? No, I mean I'm
26
I'm way faster than you at this
Wait, don't teach me
15
6 again
73
You're not color blind
5
16
Okay
45
12
29
and 8
I can't really see 45
This is worse than
Yeah
Maybe you guys are.
Maybe I see
colors perfectly. You might.
You might.
Damn.
Green.
I guess when black t-shirts
fade, they could get greenish.
Is there green and black? TJ, is anybody
in the world on my side over there?
Yeah. I think
when black ink fades,
I can understand why you would say.
I think it's more just like... But you thought they
originally were... I thought they were not green.
It's not green ink. I thought they were standard.
You're still dumb. We're just figuring out
how dumb.
I think we're figuring out the depths of this.
I think the smart to dumb scale in here
is swinging my direction a little bit.
I think I see things you guys don't see.
No, I just, they're black.
More so a bunch of people in the chat just found out they are colorblind.
Oh, shit.
That's a brutal.
The yak told you you're colorblind?
But none of us are.
No.
I'm not.
No.
What do you think?
How calm is colorblind? Five percent, percent i would say there's got to be somebody
in this office liam bubba kept it from us for many years did you buy him the glasses did yeah
we bought him the glasses he cry no he's calling his doctor he Mama. Mama, they're making fun of me. Mama.
They're saying green tattoos.
No.
Come on.
Tattoos are black.
Mama.
What color are tattoos?
Wait, speaker it.
Speaker it.
Your standard?
Yeah.
I would say black.
Mama, Mama, Mama.
Hold on, hold on.
No, no, no. She doesn't black. Mama, mama, mama. Hold on, hold on. No, no, no.
She doesn't know.
Mama, mama.
I took the head coaching job at Alabama, this big cat.
I'm starting the season at 2 o'clock.
Well, hell, come on over.
I'll meet you.
Yeah, let's go.
I expect your support if things get rough.
Oh, you got it, big boy.
All right, big boy.
Big boy.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
Hell yeah. Shane, are you color I got it, big boy. Yeah, hell yeah.
Shane, are you colorblind?
Oh, look at his outfit.
He's colorblind.
Somebody in the chat said Jacob is.
Oh, Jacob's colorblind.
Get Jacob in here.
I want to see him take the test.
Also, KB, we need to have Jerry come in here for a second because do you know what he's doing tonight?
Yes.
Is he fucked?
No, I don't know what the goal is.
He has to do GeoGuessr in the United States of America.
He has to get five consecutive correct.
What do you mean correct?
States.
He's fucked.
Is he allowed to move?
Yes.
He's allowed to move?
Yes.
Then he's not fucked.
Oh, because he can go look at license plates. He should not be allowed to move yes then he's not fucked oh because he can go he should not be allowed to move
oh because when if you move for long enough you'll glean information that makes it obvious
do you think you could do it pretty if he had a time limit say like two to four minutes
it would be hard but he does have a time but he could get he does have but he could get lucky
where's this kyle it's like i see it jerry that could be anywhere anywhere Where's this, Kyle? I see it.
Jerry!
That could be anywhere.
Anywhere.
I think it's south because there's no, like,
It's Missouri.
Georgia.
That's where you click on the map, right?
Yeah.
Oh.
You might be right, though.
It might be Missouri.
It could be Missouri.
I'm going to say,
I think it's the south.
Oh, my.
See?
Wow. You were be Missouri. I'm going to say – I think it's the south. Oh, my. See? Wow.
You were so hard.
Jerry.
TJ, show Kyle the nothing we found on Mostly Sports.
He'd be into that, I think.
We found the most nothing, we think.
We were looking for the most nothing.
We were looking for the most nothing in the world.
Are you colorblind, Jacob?
Explain.
We're looking for a world where if you
drop the sand, you just see there's nothing
recognizable. There's nothing. There's no trees.
There's no nothing. We found one in Australia.
Oh, yeah. Australia's mostly green, isn't it?
The outback. Yeah.
Color deficient
is the technical term. My green
cones do not work. Your green cones don't work?
They don't work. I got them. They don't work.
Okay, can you do this?
Yeah.
I don't see a number.
He doesn't see any numbers.
Wow.
That's crazy.
Is it a seven?
Yeah.
Seven.
Yeah.
Hard to see.
Yeah.
Well, not.
That's the.
I don't see shit on that one.
Nothing?
Nothing.
26.
26?
You got 26?
Can I stand in the back?
Go wherever you need to go.
26?
Uh-huh.
15?
Yeah.
15, yeah.
Oh, there we go.
Now, this one is the same as the other one that you missed
a little bit nothing right okay
skip that one skip skip yeah i got nothing five five you got it
got nothing nothing what about now it's the green but you got it. Nothing.
What about now?
Wait, you got four more.
What about now?
You see green now?
Right over here.
Four more.
Look over at Kyle.
Can you see green?
15.
15.
Okay.
12.
Fuck 12.
Get the next two, you get this.
20 and three. Well, that's 20 and then three.
Okay.
You are...
Oh.
Zero.
Zero.
Let's put zeros for when he missed.
Ooh.
You're colorblind.
Ooh.
Well, it's good to finally know.
Yep.
All right.
Sorry about your green.
That's crazy
and i was on and a funny thing is i can't see purple i can't see purple that's like my worst
color so i thought it was funny going on the purple hat hunt um they got kind of mad at me
because i kept pointing out blue hats like is that purple and they were like no wait you might
have to just be yeahmmer's pilot.
You have to join him.
Okay, for the end of it,
you're going to have to go with him.
Yeah. And Clemmer's blindfolded.
You have to meet him.
Yeah, you unblindfold him
when he's standing in front of someone.
He's like, damn it, not again.
All right, Jerry, sit down.
You're fucked today, Jerry.
By the way way game time
you know you can get tickets
to Cardinals and Cubs on Thursday
right now for $37 that's right thanks to game time
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Jerry.
Yeah.
You're fucked.
Possibly.
KB, you need to help him.
Yeah, so that's what we've got to talk about.
Do a couple right now and see if you can.
KB, what is your time limit?
Minute and 30 seconds.
Each picture.
Okay.
A lot of it is luck.
Five in a row.
See, I go Iowa here.
Great Plains, yeah. Iowa, Kansas.
We can move around, too, the picture.
That could be any of the...
Oh!
But you can move. Yeah, we can move.
So getting on an interstate would be
pretty helpful.
Unless you're here. Yeah, we can move. So getting on an interstate would be pretty helpful. Unless you're here.
Move to that sign.
Oh, there's a sign.
And looking at the cars.
You're going to want to get to any sign.
Yeah, signs help.
Is that like Virginia?
It has seasons.
What do we got?
Chick-fil-A.
Chick-fil-A.
Buffalo trade.
Lover's Leap.
Laurel.
I think a Ruth.
What does that say?
Pierre Jersey.
Does that say Laurel?
Pennsylvania.
Jerry's a big, if he sees a word, like he's going to guess New York.
Yeah.
I don't see Laurel.
I would say New York here.
Yeah.
Buffalo Trees.
Kentucky.
It's going to be tough.
What's your sleep schedule like, Kyle?
I go to bed at like 10. All right. Yeah. That's going to be tough. What's your sleep schedule like, Kyle? I go to bed at like 10.
All right.
Yeah, that's a problem.
I don't think you're going to need it.
I think you're going to get it eventually at like a good amount of time.
That might be India.
Yeah.
You're going to struggle for a while.
Really?
It feels like...
This is...
Nebraska?
It's dry.
It's dry.
Eastern Nebraska.
It's dry as fuck.
Montana? I would say... I like Texas too, Jer. It's dry as fuck. Colorado. Montana?
I would say, I like Texas too, Jer.
It looks like the last scene of...
Go Texas.
Of Castaway.
Where was Castaway?
Iowa.
Fucking Iowa.
Yeah, not great.
Oh, man.
That's Indiana.
No, that's like...
North Dakota.
That's Kansas.
South Dakota.
Colorado?
Colorado?
Jeez.
Five in a row.
You get lucky. I got dropped right next
to the Washington.
No, that's New Hampshire. Oh my god, five
in a row? Yeah.
So is it random where they drop
you? Yep. Yeah!
There's one. Alright, now you
gotta get this second one. Let's go. Oh no.
This is... This could be anywhere. Yeah
It's a tough game. It's an addicting game though. So look at the houses
Oh
Tennessee
See I wouldn't know that that's the problem Oh
Was that the Arkansas State flag?
Don't know what Arkansas State flag was.
Yeah, it looks like that.
I thought it was.
Does it?
Oh.
I got to help a lifeline, though, from the chat.
Every round I get asked the chat.
And they'll definitely tell you the truth.
Well, there's some nice guys in there.
I don't know who they are, but there'll be some nice guys.
Oh.
Oh, that's Kentucky.
Kentucky.
All right.
Like north.
Yeah.
All right.
There's one in a row.
All right.
Let's see that license plate.
They're all blurred out.
Phone number.
Phone number.
Yeah.
Area codes help.
Signs help.
Maintenance.
Sorry.
Okay.
All right.
Flux.
Oh, Colorado. Colorado. Colorado. Colorado is in denver colorado how do you know
because i saw colorado right in the middle bang two in a row two in a row oh no oh that's
southern house south carolina oh what's the number there four four four two i don't know
louisiana that's that's north carolina there's no willow trees though aren't they like a yeah 4-4-2. I don't know. Louisiana. That's North Carolina.
There's no willow trees, though, aren't there?
Yeah, this might sneak up and be somewhere else.
I don't know what 4-4-2 is.
Browngrass.
That's a south.
4-4-2.
North Carolina has the cracks in the road like that.
This is pretty.
That's North Carolina asphalt.
Very pleasant.
North Carolina asphalt.
And I should have known that.
It was Sandusky.
And just to confirm, Rainbolt would be perfect right now, right?
Correct?
Probably.
I've been trying to contact him.
I don't think it's going to work, though.
That would be crazy.
He cheeses or something.
So, is this Texas?
That's down south, right?
Yeah.
Way down south.
No, there's mountains in there.
Florida?
Oh, no. There's some mountains. I think this is like Arizona. Yeah. Oh, is this Texas? That's down south, right? Yeah. Way down south. No, there's mountains in there. Florida? Oh, no, yeah.
There's some mountains. I think this is like Arizona.
Yeah. Oh, Palm Tree. New Mexico.
Colorado.
New Mexico.
Well, we were on the right path. Wow.
Oh, hard.
Titus. Yeah. This might be harder
than getting a country correct.
That's what Quicksilver said. Oh, here we go.
508. Does anybody know? No.
It's a fall.
It looks northeast.
It looks beautiful.
New England.
I want to go there right now.
Connecticut?
I can smell that.
I can too, honestly.
I like Connecticut.
You still have a minute, right?
A minute and a half?
Yeah, we have a minute and a half each one.
That might be PA.
That's definitely a northern house.
Shoot, I should know this.
Indiana.
I'm thinking Maryland.
Look at the albedo.
It does look like the setting from Hoosiers.
Yeah, it does.
That's Norman Dale's house.
Yeah, do Indiana.
Yeah, yeah, Indiana, Indiana.
More north?
More north?
That's Massachusetts.
Oh, we're close to Connecticut.
Yeah.
We have to work together.
This is Texas.
I think it is Texas.
Oh, shit.
This is going to be hard.
Right on the border.
Oh, that's bullshit.
I was going to guess Montana.
Five in a row seems impossible.
Oh, this is gettable.
There's a Hyatt. Where's the Hyatts? Hyatt. We see
a Hyatt. We see... Hyatts are over there. Oh, here we go.
I can't park there. 510.
510. Get out of there. Newark.
Go to the main road. New Jersey.
It says Newark. No.
That's not right. We keep saying
NWKPD.
MPS. We just know our own.
Fremont Police Department and Newark Police Department.
Oh, yeah.
Newark is New Jersey.
Or that's Minneapolis.
Could be Norwalk.
Could be Norwalk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a Newark, Delaware.
That's Minnesota.
That's Minnesota.
No, that's not.
Oh, fuck.
That's a crazy turn of events, that one.
That's a different.
California.
Fremont is California.
Yeah.
California, sure.
Holy shit. That turned away from California. Yeah. California, sure. Holy shit.
That turned away from Minnesota.
There we go.
This is fun.
So hard.
It's a fun game.
That's Indiana for sure.
Westfield and Mount Auburn.
Westfield's Indiana.
Auburn.
Alabama.
Alabama.
No, the street wouldn't be named Auburn.
Yes.
That's what he does.
It's not Auburn Street in Auburn.
I got Ann Arbor right.
Yeah, you did.
It was Arbor Street.
There was Arbor Street.
Wait, you got Ann Arbor because there was Ann Arbor Street?
No, it said Arbor Garage Sale, and Jerry goes, Michigan.
Nailed it.
He goes by the words.
See, I could say Michigan for this.
I think I would agree with that.
No, but then the grass is dead.
It's winter, though.
Everything's dead.
Wait, Paul.
Some leaves?
Wisteria?
That's Eagle State.
For the people that have watched Desperate Housewives.
What does that for sale sign say?
Yard sale.
I bet there's some pleasant things in there, some tasteful things.
Michigan.
It does look like Michigan, right?
Did this change as well?
Very hilly.
Wait, Kyle, this kind of looks like Oregon.
Trees?
Yeah.
That's
very stupid.
Now I'm tripping.
I think we just got to pick something. I'm going PA.
I thought moving would make it laughably
easy, and it is not.
It does sometimes. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Sometimes. Wow.
Oh my god, I have the worst ringtone. I'm so sorry. Oh, that was your ringtone? You guys made fun of the last one, so I you're right. Sometimes. Wow. Oh, my God.
I have the worst ringtone.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, that was your ringtone?
You guys made fun of the last one, so I changed it to this one.
This might have been worse.
Worse.
Brandon, can you name two of the four non-marshmallow shapes in Lucky Charms?
Not the marshmallows.
The actual cereals?
The grain pieces.
I know.
The X?
There's an X.
And an O.
No O.
It's like a little triangle with a stick coming out.
Arrow.
Arrow.
A triangle with a stick.
I feel bad you got laughed at for getting it right.
No, can't.
Bell and fish. There's a fish? Yeah, can't. Bell and fish.
There's a fish?
Yeah, Jesus fish.
I thought there was a cross.
Alright, Jerry, you're fucked.
Yeah, no, it's going to be tough.
But I think... You just got to get lucky
a couple times because, like I said,
I got dropped next to the Washington Monument
then I got dropped next to a sign that just said
San Diego. You wouldn't know the Washington Monument?
Yeah, he didn't know that.
I am very bad.
He immediately said that's St. Louis.
Because I thought it was the Arch.
The Washington Monument.
I ain't going straight up.
And when I say dropped on the Washington Monument, I was dropped underneath the Washington Monument.
No, it'll be tough.
Did you travel at all growing up?
No, I'm not a traveler. He knows Arizona. I'm very'll be tough. Did you travel at all growing up?
No, I'm not a traveler. He knows Arizona.
I'm very good with Arizona.
Okay.
Very good.
I know the brick.
I know the way the houses are built.
Yeah.
That I'm good.
Jersey, I'm pretty decent.
But other than that, I'm out.
Okay.
Yeah.
What is the most distinct state that would just be the easiest?
Hawaii.
Alaska or Hawaii.
Hawaii is very...
Not Alaska.
I think Alaska could look a lot better.
Alaska is.
Yes, it is. No. If you go deeper into Alaska. The trees are so distinct. Hawaii is Alaska. Hawaii. Not Alaska. Alaska is. Yes, it is.
If you go deeper into Alaska.
Hawaii would be the easiest.
It's going to be tough.
Five in a row. So I think we'll do
five in a row, a minute and 30 on the clock
each one, and then every round I get one
ask from the chat.
And then maybe tomorrow,
if it goes into tomorrow,
I gotta figure out something. Maybe get Rainbolt
in here or something.
Oh, no. There's a dude named Chicago
Geographer who's a professional.
Really? He's incredible.
I watch his YouTube videos.
Chicago Geographer? Yeah.
TikTok or just YouTube? He does YouTube,
maybe TikTok, and he does the
pro circuit. How long do you think this is actually going to take?
I don't think you're...
A day and a half. Yeah, I think it's going to be a while.
I think you might be doing it tomorrow
at this time. This dude will be able to pinpoint.
But you can't just call in a ringer.
Why not?
Maybe the ringer could give you multiple choice.
I don't know.
I mean,
I'm so bad with maps and stuff
that I just don't think it's possible.
What if the ringer comes into the office, and while you're searching,
he has to be hitting a half-court shot?
If he hits a half-court shot, he could run up and help you.
Yeah, that'd be good.
Under the two-minute time.
That's a good idea.
You think this guy's available, KB?
Probably, yeah.
I imagine he's not too busy.
I don't think he has a lot.
Let me see.
Oh, yeah, I got him right here.
Shit.
Damn, he has a good amount of subs.
45,000.
That's good.
I'm not going to lie.
That walk kind of fucked me up.
My shins hurt.
My whole body doesn't feel real.
Maybe tomorrow.
I might need your help tomorrow, though.
My help?
Yeah, you're in KB.
Oh, I suck.
I don't know my shit.
You just got that one right.
You're telling me that's not green on his arm.
What color are your tattoos?
Green.
That's what I see, green.
You're right.
What?
Oh, shit.
That's green as fuck on his arm.
That doesn't help you.
That does not help you at all.
It does.
Jerry?
You and Jerry. Wait, wait. Now I'm kind of seeing. Look at the tattoo you at all. It does. Jerry? You and Jerry.
Wait, wait, now I'm kind of seeing it.
This is green, bro.
Those are green.
If you think green, you'll see green.
That dog is black.
You're crazy.
The dog is black for sure.
That left arm is all green.
Dude, this is black.
I mean, this is green.
This is darker for sure.
That's what he's seeing.
Yeah.
No, this is all green.
I agree with you.
What does that mean? I think y'all are crazy. When is all green. I agree with you. What does that mean?
I think y'all are crazy.
When you go in, do you say you want a standard green tattoo?
Black.
No, I ask for black.
But it turns green.
Everything turns green on my skin.
Wow.
So you're still stupid, Brandon.
No, because-
Black tattoo that fades.
Like every tattoo that's out there is still black.
I said standard green.
No, you said standard.
I said tattoos look green on the body.
I see green on Nick.
They're all green.
I know.
Wow.
What does that mean?
Are you colorblind?
Smart?
Are we smarter than y'all?
No, I don't think it's the reverse.
You said standard green.
You said standard.
If you hadn't said standard.
I said tattoo green.
You said the five ring standard green.
I was thinking of the actual green ring.
Right.
That's tattoo green.
No, we'll find a way, Brandon.
No matter.
You're not winning this one.
We're going to keep pivoting.
We're going to keep pivoting.
That arm right there is as green as it can be.
Am I wearing my standard black shirt today?
Wait, wait.
People, rest easy, Brando.
This is pretty good.
33% is pretty good.
It's definitely telling.
And you can't get a good – you're not going to get a good gauge because it's me.
What percent of Yak audience do you think are buffoons?
I mean, we're buffoons.
You are the company you keep.
Yeah.
It's a good touch.
100%.
I would hope at least 90.
It's a good touch making green not be green, by the way.
Easy.
Very confusing.
Yeah.
I think Jerry's last guess should have to be worldwide
It should have to be country
He would go forever
I honestly think US states
It's gonna go forever
Harder than country
Can we try country and see if we get it faster
Dude North Dakota looks just like parts of Texas
Yeah
Yeah
You need to get a lucky draw He needs to get like 2 out of 5 lucky draws Dude, North Dakota looks just like parts of Texas. Yeah. Yeah.
You need to get a lucky draw.
He needs to get like two out of five lucky draws.
But what's a lucky draw to him?
If you dropped him in Chicago at the beginning, I got one that was literally sitting in a parking lot
and said San Diego Credit Union.
Helpful.
That's a lucky draw.
But that's...
Okay.
Maybe he'll get dropped outside of Disney or something.
It feels like the lucky draws aren't... I feel like we got dropped off in the same place. But that's... Okay. Maybe he'll get dropped outside of Disney or something. It feels like the lucky draws aren't...
I feel like we got dropped off in the same place.
Can we get through it?
This is what country is.
California.
This is California.
Oh, yeah, no, never mind.
Country is harder.
No, go to States TJ and just speed through it
and see if you can get the lucky draw.
We're looking for lucky.
All right.
That's not lucky.
Go to the next one.
That looks like a St. Louis suburb.
Oh, that's Hawaii.
Hawaii.
I was going to say that was Holland.
That's easy, yeah.
Hawaii is the easiest by far.
So if you get a Hawaii, that's lucky.
That is Maryland
This seems like a shore
That looks
Does have some shore vibes
Shore vibes for sure
Got the deep northeast
Shore
So even the blurred license plates can help
Cause some are like very colored
Oh I should know this one
Sitco
What is it what gas. Sitco. Fuck. What is it?
What gas station?
Sitco.
Oh, no.
What's that?
John.
It looks middling.
Oh, that's Colossanti.
That's got to be
a Jersey name.
Look at the plates.
You can tell Jersey
with the blurred plates
because they're pale yellow.
No.
Duncan.
Mass.
Northeast for sure, right?
Duncan Duds.
Whoa.
Oh, Sam's. I don't know what Sam's is
Sam's
Sitco
Let's keep strolling
Let's go down this road a little bit
Yeah
I could spend time here
What does it say?
That
Rolf Square
That's where
That's Maryland
Historic Rolf Square
Pleasant
Ooh it looks really nice
Grace Cranston
Cranston.
Cranston.
Rhode Island.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rhode Island.
What?
Yeah.
Cranston, Rhode Island.
I think they're right.
Here we go.
Can you guys go there?
No.
Wound socket.
How do you know Cranston?
How do I know Cranston? It's so random.
Well, there's only one Cranston, right?
Pete, we used to work there.
Show Missoula Cranston?
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's New Mexico.
Nevada.
Montana.
Oh, it's way too much grass.
I like New Mexico.
It's too green.
Oh, there's nothing.
It's too green.
There's green?
Oh, look at the mountains with the snow.
What does that say?
Colorado, maybe?
Southwestern Colorado?
I was going to say that could be Colorado.
Yeah, this looks like Colorado. Oh, Colorado.
Yeah, Colorado. That could be
Alaska, couldn't it? Could be,
you're right. Well, it's a little too desert-y looking.
No, they got that though. Wyoming,
Colorado, Idaho.
Nevada.
Somebody said that.
Can we
as a whole get five in a row? I don't think so.
No.
Can we get three in a row?
Well, we're not getting this.
Yeah, everybody.
We're going to have to go to town to get this one.
Everybody gets one guess, and if one of us are right, that counts as a.
Okay.
We're going in a row?
Can we get five?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Let's get five.
Everybody gets one guess.
Yeah.
Okay.
Spread a.
We'll never do it.
Oh, big mess.
Let's try it.
Okay.
So everyone gets a guess?
Okay. Yeah, but it's still a team Okay. So everyone gets a guess? Okay.
Yeah, but it's still a team thing.
Yeah, it's a team thing.
Kyle, does this look like West Virginia to you?
It does.
Kyle.
Kind of Pittsburgh?
Or is it?
Yeah, it looks like West Virginia.
All right, so we've got to spread out.
It looks like weird.
It's not West Virginia.
How are we going to spread out?
Everyone's got to guess something different.
Oh, boy.
Oh.
Buddy.
Buddy Cianci. That's a..., boy. Buddy. Buddy Cianci.
What is Buddy Cianci?
Is that the junior high and family guy?
Really?
No way.
It is.
Buddy Cianci.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
Wait, so then this would be Rhode Island.
Could be Rhode Island. Yeah, this is Rhode Island. Wait, wait then this would be Rhode Island. Could be Rhode Island.
Yeah, this is Rhode Island.
Wait, wait.
Everyone else has to guess something.
I'll go New Jersey.
I'll take PA.
Okay.
It might not be anywhere near that.
No, but if that's the middle school and family guy, that would be amazing.
I'll do Maryland.
Massachusetts.
Well, what are we guessing?
All right, go ahead.
We'll guess something.
Yeah, we're going to.
All right, we're going to.
What are you going to say right, we got one. What do you think?
Brandon.
Hell yes.
That's so awesome.
That was great.
All right.
One.
One in a row.
Applebee's and a McDonald's.
Oklahoma.
DBC.
Texas.
North Carolina.
It does feel.
North town.
It could be anywhere.
It's got a Joanne fabric.
Go down.
Look for a sign.
A road sign.
Should be. There is. Signs all over the place. Oh, weatheranne fabric. Go down. Look for a sign, a road sign. Should be.
Signs all over the place.
Oh, weather just changed.
Aldi, George Isaac Road.
Oh, this could be anywhere.
Oklahoma.
Oh, we got to get down.
Pick a road.
What is that?
Yeah, what was that?
What's that red sign?
What's the red sign on the bottom under Goodwill?
Frickers.
I don't know.
I never heard of Frickers.
Keep going down the road.
Look for another sign.
Frickers.
We're going into the shopping center here.
What does that say?
Defiance.
Ohio.
Ohio.
Ohio.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'll say Pennsylvania.
I'll say Illinois.
I'll say West Virginia.
I'll say North Carolina.
We're just trying to cast a wide net.
I'll say California.
Yes, yes.
We're trying to get five in a row with multiple guess.
It's Ohio, but I'll say California.
Let's go.
Nice.
Two in a row.
I've got two.
Northeast. No, this could be out west. Two in a row. I've got two. Northeast.
No, this could be out west.
It could be Texas.
This could be anywhere but the deep south.
Yeah.
What happened to the snow in this part of the neighborhood?
Yeah.
We have mountains.
It's kind of pine.
Three mountains.
The American flag.
It's in America.
No mountains.
You don't know that.
Flat as fuck.
Oh, it's that little guy.
What's that little boy?
See that boy
Eyes on this boy
Alright
New Mexico
New Mexico
I'll go Arizona
Let's guess based on boy
Yeah yeah yeah
This is New Mexico Arizona
I'll go Nevada
Everyone say something close to it.
Pioneer.
I'm going to go.
That's it.
I'm going to go Nevada.
Okay.
I already went Nevada.
I'm going to go Utah.
Okay.
All right.
Brandon, take Utah.
I'm going to take Nevada.
Pioneer.
Nevada.
Fuck.
All right.
This is crazy.
I'm going to say Oregon.
Oh.
The eastern or the western. Okay.. This is crazy. I'm going to say Oregon. Oh. The eastern or the western.
Okay.
Boy.
Someone say Oklahoma?
All the bases covered here?
Someone say Oklahoma.
I'll switch from Texas to Oklahoma.
No, no, no.
You keep Texas.
You switch it to Oklahoma.
Oregon's a bad guess.
It's not Oregon.
Oregon's a bad guess.
It's not Oregon.
Brandon, what did you say?
Nevada.
Okay.
I'll take Utah. It could be Colorado, though. I'm taking Utah. It might be Oregon. Say your a bad guess. It's not Oregon. Brandon, what did you say? Nevada. Okay, I'll take Utah.
It could be Colorado, though.
I'm taking Utah.
It might be Oregon.
Say your final answer.
Oklahoma.
New Mexico.
Utah.
Arizona.
Nevada.
Colorado.
Texas.
Okay.
Okay, we got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
We got it.
Oregon was a terrible guess.
Okay.
It could have been the East.
No, it's the worst.
No, there was a Mexican boy.
Oh. Oh, there was a Mexican boy. Oh.
Oh, shit.
Fuck, I should have known.
Uh-oh.
I feel like this is we got to go like Rust Belt.
I've been on this road.
Have you?
What's the-
Berkeley.
Ox.
Ox.
We got to get somewhere, TJ.
Get us to the top.
I would say on this main route, just speed run this main route. Oh, Dr. Highway, what does it say? main route. Speed run this main route.
Dr. Highway, what does it say? Zoom in.
Zoom in.
Nova.
Northern Virginia.
That's right. I'll say Maryland.
I'll say North Carolina. I'll say West Virginia.
I'll say South Carolina. I'll say PA.
Did somebody say Virginia? No, not yet.
Virginia.
What does that say?
We got them all covered. What does that say? We got them all covered.
So this is for four?
Yeah, that's some Northern Virginia shit.
Okay.
It's not going to take Jerry a day.
Wait, can I just say something?
All of us guessed that.
Can I say something?
Sure.
Before we guess?
Yeah.
Nova's a very common word, isn't it?
Yeah.
Not on a highway.
We're just assuming Nova is Northern Virginia?
Yeah.
There's not a company called Nova?
Villanova.
It might not be.
Nova Care.
But it's a highway, Brandon.
It's not like a random company.
I don't know.
Adopting a highway is random companies on adopted highways.
That's true.
This could be something else.
Burke Lake's in Virginia, though, Northern Virginia.
So there is that.
Well, he's got the man.
All right.
We got the whole. We got a guest. I mean, just. What's that sign Well, he's got the man's. All right. We got the whole.
We got a guest.
I mean, just.
What's that sign?
Get around the sign here.
Oh, golf courses also.
Golf course.
Very.
Golf course.
All right.
We got a guest.
Wait.
Welcome to Living Hope Ministry.
Motherfucker.
Yeah.
Virginia.
They have church in Virginia.
Virginia.
Something.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
They had a big career.
703. I think we're good. I think we're good. Yeah. Northern Virginia. They have church in Virginia. Okay. Oh, Korea. Yeah, they had a big career. 7-0-3.
I think we're good.
I think we're good.
Yeah, Northern Virginia.
Yeah.
Let's go.
That's right off Berkeley.
That's four.
That's four.
So this is the big one.
All right, no moving.
No, we got to move.
We got to move.
Pennsylvania.
Oh, what's the back of that truck say?
No.
It's a U-Haul.
Never mind.
That billboard over there.
Gentlemen's Club. of that truck say? No. It's a U-Haul. Never mind. That billboard over there. Gentleman's Club.
What's it called?
Southern Exposure.
This is West Virginia?
It might be.
It kind of looks like Tennessee.
I think we've been there.
You've been to Southern Exposure?
There's a jacuzzi in there.
Yeah, I think.
What's that building sign say?
This might be West Virginia.
This might be West Virginia. This might be West Virginia.
Adult Fun Store.
Yeah.
Cumberland.
It could be Maryland.
Maryland.
All right, I'm guessing West Virginia.
High TVDs.
What's that?
Shelter Road.
Sam Perdue.
Who's he?
Sounds familiar.
Sam Perdue Juvenile Center.
This is not a nice place.
No.
Perdue.
Bel Marva Peninsula.
Wait, zoom in on the plate.
You can't.
They blur them.
Yeah, just to see.
That looks like an Ohio plate.
There's more billboards on the side of the road.
I'll take Ohio off.
Those ridges are common in Maryland and PA. I'll do Pennsylvania. I'll take Ohio for the road. I'll take Ohio. Those ridges are common in Maryland and PA.
I'll do Pennsylvania.
I'll take Ohio for the sprint.
I'll do West Virginia.
I'll go Kentucky.
This is big.
Did I even say Ohio yet?
Yeah, I did.
Pennsylvania.
What does that say?
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
304.
West Virginia!
Yes!
I bet the Southern Exposure!
How dare I?
That's a horny move, Big Cat.
Oh my God!
Wait, is it in Welch?
Yeah, it might be Welch.
Is that Welch?
Princeton is where we stayed.
Is Welch somewhere down there?
It's close, but that's on a wheel.
What's the fucking town?
Southern Exposure.
Southern Exposure is right by Princeton where we stayed.
Oh, this is easy.
Jerry, this will be easy for Jerry.
Yeah, he's just got to get strip clubs.
We just did it in 10 minutes.
He's got to get strip clubs.
That's so great.
Yeah, Welch, there it is because we drove an hour to Welch.
We had to stay in Princeton because Welch is so,
and you don't have cell phone service the entire drive.
No.
It's crazy.
You identified a strip club.
Southern Exposure. Fuck yeah. Oh, You identified a strip club. Southern Exposure.
Fuck yeah.
Oh, Southern West Virginia.
Look how you guys came to answer.
Right away.
Family guy.
Strip clubs.
This is addicting.
I could sit here and do this all.
That's so great.
What if you just did GeoGuessr based on only strip clubs?
Or family Guy references.
Yeah.
That was quite a trip to Welch.
That place is awful.
Is it still open?
Still in business?
Southern Exposure?
Oh, yeah.
That doesn't go out of business.
Fuck no.
Never.
No.
Yeah, they had that strip club set up
Hot tub is a wild
Is that the one with the hot tub?
I'm pretty sure that's the one with the hot tub
I just remember walking in and they have
Like they immediately
You don't have to even ask
You just walk in and they're just like
There's someone standing behind a glass case
With just like hundreds of ones.
So it's instant.
You just walk in and you just trade.
That's awesome.
You don't even have to be like, hey, can I get changed?
They're just like, here you go.
Here's your rack of ones.
Yeah.
Here's another rack.
Yeah.
And another one.
Damn.
Yep.
What percentage of the strippers didn't have a C-section scar? Low. Yeah. And another one. Damn. Yep. What percentage of the strippers didn't have a C-section scar?
Low.
Yeah.
Low.
It was quite something.
Did you guys see that zesty tomahawk chop?
Oh, yeah.
No.
No.
Asher Hong.
No.
You didn't see that guy tomahawk chop a mirror off?
Oh, I did. Zesty as fuck. That guy needs his ass kicked. I did not see that guy Tomahawk Chop mirror off? Oh, I did.
Zesty as fuck.
I did not see this.
Someone was saying he looked like Vince Carter over
what's his name, Francis Weiss or whatever.
Frederick Weiss.
Can we watch it?
Yeah.
Oh, this guy.
And his license plate, I think, is deals.
He popped that shit right off.
Yeah.
He got air.
He got maximum air.
We got to see that.
Deals.
I think it's deals if you zoom in.
Also, she gets out to fight and he just leaves.
Oh, she would have kicked his ass. Yeah
He kind of won. Yeah, yes, I'm mercy dude. He fucking look at this look at the area
He did a DX up to before he was doing suck it she threw. Oh what she throw
He got back it is yeah deals look at that
wait does that say Mr. Deals
he definitely got back in the car he's like
ow MC deals
he jumps as high as shirt got untucked
wait really
jumped in slow motion
yeah he was in the air forever it feels like
but I also think he pulled
his knees up to make it look like he was jumping higher.
I don't know.
I think he just got max hair.
Here I go.
No, that's no knees.
That's so fucking...
Look at that.
Wow.
He did kind of use the car to get a little extra air.
Yeah, he did.
Has he done that before?
He knew exactly what he had to do.
I think he failed the last time.
Yeah, his fist definitely hurt.
He got in the car.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Ouchies.
That's so funny.
Yeah, he called his assistant.
He's like, I'm going to need an ice pack.
I like that guy.
Mr. Deals.
Oh, TJ, I had something for you.
I'm sure you saw it.
Did you see that funeral?
Funeral?
The guy in the car?
No.
The car coffin?
I don't know how old this is.
No, I thought of TJ.
Yeah, there it is.
And we said their final goodbyes to TJ as he was put in the ground in an M&M casket.
Oh, that is so sad.
A woman got buried in an M&M casket.
Blue M&M, too.
You have to do this, TJ.
Yeah.
I'm fine with that.
We should get that casket.
What color, though, TJ?
I think I'd give the yellow M&M box.
The nut M&M?
Yeah.
The yellow?
It's kind of like the goofy friend.
Why don't we get a little more creative with our caskets?
I'd be buried in a cowbell.
Yeah.
That'd be annoying.
Oh, what if you were the bell?
Yeah.
Why would I be the bell?
Like, we hang you in the...
You're the thing that hit flops around.
But I'm not going to make a bell sound.
Yeah, we can.
We could put a helmet on you.
And we'll just ring you one last time.
Could we dip you in iron?
Yeah.
Could dip me in iron.
We could dip you in iron and then just...
But we just do these regular ornate boxes.
Why not get creative with what we love?
We should coil up your carcass and put you in a sphere.
I'd love to be you in a sphere.
I'd love to be buried in a football.
Football?
Football would be cool.
There is a business for wrapping, doing car wraps, but on caskets now.
They'll do in-memoriam wraps or Fortnite.
It's something you put in the ground.
What do you mean?
You get buried in Peely from Fortnite? I always love, too.
I think it's maybe a Latin culture thing
where they, like, do they stuff the person?
They prop them up.
Yeah.
One last card game.
It'll be one dude, like, playing, like, they chill for a little too long.
There was that one that was, like, we scored one last goal on him,
which that sucks.
Yeah.
He was just standing in goal, dead.
Damn.
I saw that guy the other day on a motorcycle.
Behind that, TJ? That means that was his legacy. Yeah. He was just standing in goal, dead. Damn. I saw that guy the other day on a motorcycle. Did you find that, TJ?
That's fucked up.
That means that was his legacy.
Yeah.
He's getting scored on.
He's getting scored on.
Speaking of which, I think Zlatan is confirmed.
Holy shit.
Should we think of some questions?
Yeah.
We also, we are going to, let's start the Yak at 11.45 tomorrow.
Yeah.
Because he's got to leave at 12.15, so I want to give us enough time.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we're going to start 15 minutes early for all the people who say we're always late. He's got to leave at 12.15, so I want to give us enough time. Yeah. So we're going to start 15 minutes
early for all the people who say we're
always late. Who's leaving?
Zlatan's got to leave at 12.15.
Okay. So I want to be able to have enough
time for him to do the gauntlet. And also just kick
his ass off. Okay. I think I'm going to leave at 1 o'clock
to get ready for my...
I got a lot to do.
Got a lot to do tomorrow. Is he going to leave during the show?
I laughed out loud last night when Brandon,
that one random guy who was just going at Brandon for no reason.
Yeah, it was weird.
And I came to Brandon's defense and I was like,
he doesn't know you're number one in dingers only.
And someone replied and they're like,
he doesn't know Brandon Walker is such a good guy.
He's inviting the entire yak up to his house to sink his boat.
That's a sound of a good guy.
And when you put it that way, that's a great guy.
That's a good guy.
Literally letting us
come up just to sink his boat can i raise a question maybe a comment i don't know uh when
we all get in the boat and it is apparent it's about to go down we jump out y'all get out right
see i think we can get it out if a boat sinks we're not getting it out what if we drag it out
it fills with that's how heavy a boat is with water?
But then we flip it over.
That's why we have the 200 yard
rope tied to... Correct, with the pulley
system. He said there's
no direct line
to the water, so we're going to have to
create a pulley system. Around my house?
Yeah, Brandon. Intricate pulley system.
If your boat sinks, we'll do
a special pay-per-view episode to get you a new boat.
Now I'm thinking about having a rope go around his house to my car, and then we accidentally cut Brandon's house in half.
It's like the beginning of Ghost Ship.
You hit the gas.
We could just slice it.
His little house just slices like a piece of cake.
It could happen.
It could happen. Like a piece of cake it could happen it could happen
a house or cake
it was cake all along
he had no idea
he could have been eating all of that
Brandon there's a world
where that's worth it
having a cake house
slicing your house in half
that's like a month of content
just going through your house showing the stuff they got cut in half. That's like a month of content. Accidentally slicing your house in half. Just going through your house, showing the stuff that got cut in half.
All the items.
And also, what's the worst that could happen?
It will cut in half, then it will drop, so your basement will just have three-foot ceilings.
So we'll take it and put it back, and we'll attach it back?
Yeah, it will just drop perfectly right on top of itself.
Tommy will have a George Costanza haircut.
So I thought, no.
You say it will drop on top of itself. Tommy will have like a George Costanza haircut. So I thought, no. You say it'll drop on top of it.
I thought you would cut it and it would almost like you'd just have two pieces of house.
No, no, no.
It will slice straight across.
Right.
So then it will just drop and settle.
So you'll just lose like a foot of your ceiling height.
That would be so awesome.
No, I think it's like a box top that doesn't really fit on the box anymore.
So it just kind of angles off to the side.
I think it falls straight on and then shifts like one foot so everything's like slightly i can imagine your
reaction i like if everyone is safe no one's in the house oh no my xbox cutting your house in half
and then having it just implode on itself would be an all-time yak moment sinking your boat and
cutting your house in half would be so fucking funny right and you know it would be well we'd get the boat out we would what about the house the house would be
i'm six foot five can't save the house but you still have your boat y'all come out here for y'all
come to my house for an hour and destroy every everything i want to cut his house in half i want
to bisect it perfect yeah you know what fuck the boat let's just get it let's just cut his house
figure out how to cut the house
That would be such a good prank
Brandon goes out of town
We cut his house in half
Yeah he just goes and reaches
For the refrigerator
And his natural spot
Is like a little bit lower
He's like what the fuck
Did my house get cut in half
I'm excited though Brandon Yeah it's gonna be fun Did my house get cut in half?
I'm excited, though, Brandon.
Yeah, it's going to be fun.
Very excited.
Fun.
Going to have you some Antioch pizza.
I'll have you something else.
We got to get one steak for Steven to grill.
Okay.
At least.
At least.
I have selected a grill.
Oh, my god.
Place to call to the guy in the store this morning.
You could just buy it.
Yeah, I have to go there.
I'm hoping to buy it today.
What kind of grill?
It's a Napoleon.
What?
They just got recalled.
What got recalled?
Napoleon's. Napoleon's.
Faulty grill.
It's the hinge.
No, I think it's the hinge.
The hinge doesn't work.
What hinge?
The grill won't close all the way.
Are you guys serious?
Yeah, I just saw it in the Hoppington.
The heat escapes because the hinge.
It takes you forever to grill like one burger.
It'll be fine for probably a year.
For what you're doing yeah
what kind of napoleon are you actually getting a napoleon yeah you're fucked that's what i'm
looking this up was it a good deal i haven't you know do you know about napoleon what do you know
about napoleon napoleon the guy yeah very short okay that was propaganda oh hey these are expense
anything else um country of origin i'm not i'm not getting like top line i'm getting like pretty low
country of origin oh france close actually no he wasn't born in france right i thought he was
i saw the movie born somewhere else and then took over France.
That was Hitler.
He was born in Austria.
Yeah.
He was kind of a simp, right?
For some woman.
Yep.
Napoleon?
I saw this movie.
Where'd he get exiled to?
St. Helena?
Josephine? Some island.
Who's Elba?
Maybe not.
Idris Elba?
No.
If you haven't seen Napoleon with Joaquin Phoenix or whatever it's called, it's based
on Napoleon.
There's a very, very cool- It's based on Napoleon., it's based on Napoleon. There's a very, very cool...
It's based on Napoleon.
It's called Napoleon?
Okay.
There's a very, very cool action.
I was right.
He was born in Corsica.
Ah.
Where's that?
That's probably France, right?
Is that Italy?
The mountainous Mediterranean island.
Okay.
It's a country?
At the time?
So he just chose France to go dominate?
Is it French?
Is Corsica part of France or Italy?
Corsica is a territorial collectivity of France.
Corsica was a Chevrolet.
He was born in Guam, essentially.
Essentially Guam.
He's essentially Guamian, yeah.
He's Guamian.
In our terms, he's Guaman.
You getting a gas grill?
I think I'm going to do gas.
Does the name Waterloo mean anything to you? Yes, that was the action scene. Why do you think you're going to do gas. Does the name Waterloo mean anything to you?
Yes, that was the action scene. Why do you think
you're going to do gas?
The action scene?
The action scene? Of the movie
based on Napoleon, called Napoleon. Did you see the movie?
I did. Oh, so how do
you not know more about Napoleon?
I forget a lot of it. I mean, I enjoyed it.
It wasn't as good as I would
have hoped, but there was a very good collection.
Not enough Pop-Tarts in that movie.
That movie was
one good war scene and then him being horny
the entire time. Wasn't Napoleon's
dick on sale? And it was a three.
They have his dick somewhere, don't they?
Maybe that was a succession
storyline?
This is a nice-ass grill. Can you search
Napoleon's dick? You probably are not looking at the one I'm getting.
I'm getting pretty low level.
I'm not getting one of those.
Holy shit, dude.
Wow, Jay.
I'm not getting one of those.
That's too much grill for a guy like you.
Mine's costing in the hundreds of dollars,
not in the thousands of dollars.
Oh, the Freestyle series?
Be more out of touch, dude.
Some of our viewers...
Seriously?
The common man, my ass.
We ripped a $20 bill
in half already today.
We didn't.
True.
U.S. women won gold in gymnastics.
Oh, hell yeah.
That's one of those important ones.
How did Jonathan Owens...
How are they going to get mad at me for that?
They're going to get mad at you for that.
Why would they get mad at me for that?
People want to watch it tonight.
They're going to...
Oh, fuck that.
What are you talking about?
You're going to get that stupid ass...
What are you talking about?
We got the rundown.
You're going to get that stupid ass spoiler stuff.
Did Jonathan Owens' wife do well?
Yeah.
Who's that?
Simomba.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeaholeon's penis yeah allegedly amputated during an autopsy several see someone owns it that's now that is evil that's like you know
revel does his weird collectibles if you're like i got napoleon's penis that's an all-time flex
that is good yeah That's actually good.
Want to come over and see Napoleon's penis?
They've been passing the penis down.
Is the famous guy Dick Market?
How do you smuggle a penis?
In your ass.
It would have to be in your ass.
The cut was, how do you accidentally cut off a dick?
Highly fanciful.
Wait, what was highly fanciful?
I want a dick.
I wouldn't mind a dick
who's recently dead
Lafonda's
Willie Mays
pussy
how much do you think
what would be the most
expensive penis
Mandingo
when he dies
I don't know if you want that
no
Magic Johnson
I don't know if you want that
yeah
imagine like tossing that Leo's Leo's penis I don't know if you want that. Magic Johnson. I don't know if you want that.
Imagine like tossing that.
Leo's penis?
Leo's penis maybe.
That would be like a rabbit's foot of good luck.
I wouldn't smell Leo. Would it put it on your backpack?
I'd smell it, yeah.
I'd have it off my car keys.
Mount it in your house like a deer.
I would have to.
Leo's penis. mount it in your house like a deer i would have to those penis
yeah who's like a legendary well-used penis and let's not talk about quantity like no it's not
easily say wilt chamberlain but someone who's well used like davidson jeter jeter jeter dick
jeter's dick would go for a big price Big price
He's the one who made people watch his highlights while they blew him right
I don't know
Sounds like him
How do you watch something while blowing?
Did he have like his phone on his cock?
He had it projected on his
Remember when ESPN did a starting nine of his girlfriends?
That was amazing
That was awesome
Now you'd have to get the dick treated right?
So would you get it treated, like, soft or hard?
Treated?
Like if it was game.
Taxidermy?
Taxidermy.
Taxidermy.
Oh, yeah.
I think I want it dried.
A dried dick?
I don't want it to look too much like a dick.
I just want to know it's a dick.
There it is.
Oh, wow.
I don't think Mariah Carey is...
Something about Tyra Banks being the DHS.
I'm putting Mariah a second.
Yeah, that outfield would be incredible.
Jessica Alba?
I'd love to see him shag some fly balls that outfield.
Che, what sport could you field?
Sorry, what was that?
What sport could I what?
If you had one of these, what sport would you have to do?
Oh, Jesus.
For the four.
Yeah, probably.
For the four.
Bobsled.
Even bobsled.
Can you make it?
Phil, how's Stephen's bobsled?
Stephen, make the graphic.
I need it.
Your wife will understand
Put her in front
Yeah don't have her pushing
I don't know
Stephen Jay's starting sled
So people are mad at Mark now?
No you know how people are with spoilers.
That's all.
What are you talking about?
Why do you keep saying what am I talking about?
I'm very confused.
They're going to put it on.
It's on primetime tonight.
It's on TV right this second.
That's how I know it happened.
That's like spoiling the Super Bowl.
I know.
I'm not mad, but y'all know that there's people out there that are saying.
They're on right now.
If they want to watch it, it's on right now now there's people that want to watch it tonight from from
work i guess i i'm just saying the people exist i don't i'm not one and i'm saying fuck those people
that's fine we should see but people are gonna get mad we should spin the wheel and but it sounds
like you're mad i'm not one person and see if they can go an entire week without finding out
who won the super bowl wow They can't come to work.
You can't do anything.
You can't open your phone.
Yeah.
Be very tough.
But it would be thrilling.
I watched the Steelers-Cardinals Super Bowl.
We had a practice that night, and I watched it on like an hour and a half delay
and somehow made it to the – it was a Santonio Holmes catcher. yeah that was a surprise to me still and I thought that was a massive win I
watched it like I was watching it live and that's pretty sick I feel like I that's cool I feel like
it like robbed the bank somehow yeah how the fuck did I pull that off um I can't imagine the hardest
thing to do at super bowl yeah an hour and a half was stressful yeah I can't imagine. It's the hardest thing to do at Super Bowl. Yeah. An hour and a half was stressful.
Yeah.
I can't imagine a full week.
Zah, what topic should we avoid tomorrow?
Ooh, with Zlatan?
Yeah.
I think he's, I mean, he's pretty out there.
He didn't really do anything crazy.
Didn't he kick a guy in the head during an interview?
But the thing about him, man, he can talk his way out of any situation,
and you'll end up on his side even if you kill the man.
He's crazy.
Can we play the clip of him kicking a guy in the head?
No, we shouldn't.
Yeah.
Let's get him in the office.
Yeah, we'll do it Friday.
Also, people are flagging that you've got to make sure you're pronouncing his name right. Zlatan, right? No, we shouldn't. Yeah. Let's get him in the office. Yeah, we'll do it Friday. Yeah.
Also, people are flagging that you got to make sure you're pronouncing his name right.
Zlatan, right?
Oh, is this a kilometer, kilometer thing?
Mm-hmm.
You're saying Zlatan.
What is his name?
Zlatan?
Zlatan.
Zlatan.
Zlatan or Zlatan?
We can just call him like Big Z.
Yeah, Big Z. Well, I won't refer to him.
Well, that's Zedronus.
Bigzuster.
In case we ever get him.
Well, that's Zembrano.
Zedronus is Big Z. Yeah.
Zbigzy. Oh, are we going to have to
hug wheel him? Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
TJ, have that ready. Oh, fuck
me.
Yes.
You okay, Brent? It's going to be Brent.
Y'all remember when that guy tried to hug tim howard
no the the goalie for uh for america i was thinking of soccer i know who tim howard is yeah
what there was a i said no to not remember somebody went out to they were like trying
to take a picture with him and they went up to hug him and he just like stiff-armed him good
all right handshake handshake handshake Stiff-armed him. Good.
All right.
Handshake, handshake, handshake.
Whoop.
That's what's going to happen tomorrow.
That's a normal reaction by him.
Jerry Seinfeld did that with Kesha one time.
Yeah, it did. That was even worse.
She was like, can I hug you?
He's like, not right now.
Yeah, that was tough.
Damn.
That was very funny.
I remember that.
I was on his side.
He was just like, no. I like Kes that. I was on his side.
He was just like, no.
I like Kesha.
Kesha's the best.
I wouldn't know what Kesha looked like. She's a glittery lady.
You're tired.
People are tired most of the time.
I love you so much.
No thanks.
Oh no.
He doesn't know who Kesha is.
That was kind of crazy, right?
That kind of made me hate him a little bit.
I got to say.
I like that move.
I hate Jerry Seinfeld, but I like that.
Yeah, that was cool.
The Jerry Seinfeld getting mad at Larry King is the best.
Yeah.
When he talked about being canceled?
Yeah.
It's a big show. Yeah. When you talked about being canceled? Yeah.
It's a big show.
Jerry.
I'm doing Duggs in a matter of minutes
and then we're going
straight from Duggs
to the Mostly Sports
dynasty.
Yep.
Who's playing for you guys today?
We got Buster Cherry.
We got Nicky Smokes
playing today.
What?
You don't have to say
who that was.
Yeah.
That's his nickname? That's his coach name. We all have coach names. Who's Bama's first game. You don't have to say who that was. That's his nickname?
That's his coach name.
We all have coach names.
Who's Bama's first game?
I don't know.
I haven't looked at the schedule yet.
What if you lose?
Out.
Whoa.
Hot seat.
What?
I'm not just going to cuss you on a message board.
What if everything goes wrong?
What if?
Yeah.
What if PlayStation blows up?
You die.
Well, that was really mean to put that in my head.
That would be cruel.
Then you have to go somewhere shitty.
Yeah, go back to Texas State.
That would be poetic.
They're not going to take you back.
You left them.
9-4.
Would you take back a coach that left you?
Yes.
Are you kidding me?
If he could have Dan Mullen right now holy fuck don't you would go
that on me i'm a jeff levy guy you would go nuts for dan mullen i'm a jeff levy guy
how about did you guys talk about billy napier on mostly sports no him saying uh what was his
quote he said uh bad people don't win Yeah, good people are good at football or something like that. And we're going to prove it.
The coach of Florida.
Yeah.
He said that.
In a division with the Georgia Bulldogs, too.
Yeah, I mean, Georgia is like, how many arrests are there?
So they keep committing horrific crimes.
Correct.
They haven't all been horrific, but they're getting worse.
They're getting worse.
I'm a firm believer that better people or better football players will prove that this fault.
Just couldn't be more not true.
That's also him just saying how good of a guy he is, right?
Yeah.
Ray Lewis is in the Hall of Fame.
Georgia has a big DUI school, right?
Well, they've been racing.
Reckless drive.
Reckless drive.
They've been doing a little racing.
Dude, imagine being 19, scoring three touchdowns in front of 90,000 people.
In the South.
And then also having $1.6 million.
Yeah.
You think you're God.
And also.
The Kent State backup tight ends would walk into parties like they were
Genghis Khan.
Yeah.
Imagine a Georgia player with a million dollars.
And then being like, I got a Fast and Furious race tonight that I got to get.
I'm going to race my car.
Yeah.
I'm going to race.
I bought this to race it.
And I'm going to have a couple drinks before I do it.
You almost can't blame them.
Yeah.
Get it.
I don't know about get it.
I said almost can't blame them.
I fully understand.
I do think there will be more
like guys now that just stay in college a lot longer because they're like this is awesome yeah
yeah like if they're a fourth round pick but they're making a million and a half in college
fuck it it seems like a no-brainer yeah being on a college campus with millions of dollars
the nfl doesn't have a rookie scale, right?
For pay.
First round, yes.
They do?
Yeah, they're slotted in first round.
It is slotted.
It's like Caleb Williams,
how much he was going to make when he got drafted first.
That's not negotiated.
That changed after Bradford, right?
Didn't he get an absurd amount?
Do you think there's a world where you can make more money?
Because I think that could happen in basketball.
If you're like a bench guy, yeah.
If you're a second rounder in basketball,
they did change the second round.
Now they can get guaranteed contracts.
Bronny.
Yeah, exactly.
But even Bronny, he's got a four-year, $8 million deal.
If he was really good at USC, he could make more than $2 million.
Way more.
Yeah, what did Hunter Dickinson
make last year?
AJ Store made it like a million bucks
going to Kansas. Hunter's still going. He's still
back. Another year.
Wow. That is the longest
college basketball
career of all time. Jess Settles.
Who's that?
He played at Iowa from 1992 to 2006
i don't know his actual career but it felt it felt like he played from like 90 92 to
there's a limit right you can only play there's a limit but what happens is i lost six year ago
david davidson was a was one for wisconsin if you're good enough like there's some guys that
are good enough as freshmen,
but their ceiling is a certain level
where it's like they're not going to go to the NBA.
Yeah.
So you start to learn them when they're freshmen,
and then if they stay five years,
and then COVID fucked it up
because everyone got a COVID year.
So then you're like, wait, I've seen this guy.
Like if someone plays in four March Madnesses,
you think they've been there for 10 years.
Football has some seventh year guys this year.
Yeah.
Dayton fixed at seven. March Madnesses, you'd think they'd been there for 10 years. Forever. Football has some seventh-year guys this year. Yeah, wrestling has a two-year.
Dayton fixed at seven.
Isn't there that one kid who's played for a decade now in college football?
Yeah, and he was just like last year he was entering his eighth or ninth year,
and he was a junior.
We've got to find that.
Yeah, he went to Oregon for a little bit.
He was at Miami for a minute.
It was incredible.
I don't remember him, his name anyway anyway that is actually a smart business decision too
if you transfer a bunch of schools because like it's crazy like even caleb playing at unc like
the amount of people he knows just the coaches that then go somewhere else yeah if you just go
on college player football uh ninth season cam mccormick where Where's... He's played at some good schools too, right?
Look at that. 2016.
He was at Miami last year.
Freshman injury. So you get a
medical red shirt.
I didn't know you could...
So he just didn't play
2019. Oh, so he's only at two schools.
No, I think he was
at another school before
Oregon. I don't get if you miss... No, he was at another school before Oregon.
I don't get if you miss. No, no, he was at Oregon.
Yeah, you're right.
Oregon and Miami.
No, it says he initially committed to Oregon.
Where did he play his first few years?
But what school looks at this and is like, yeah, I want this guy?
Where is he playing now?
Is he still in Miami?
Maybe last year was it.
Yeah, he just followed Cristobal to Miami.
That's a hell of a run.
Good for him.
Great for him.
I can bring this back to Kesha real quick.
Please.
So I'm going to Cincinnati this weekend, Thursday, Friday, with Sass.
We're not to Kesha yet.
Stand-up shows.
Okay.
I thought Cincy was, like, three hours away.
No?
It's four and a half.
From here? From here. So, like, I was, like, the whole time, like, I'm going to take a bus to Cincy was like three hours away. No? It's four and a half. From here?
From here.
So I was like the whole time, I'm going to take a bus to Cincy.
Wait, but three and four and a half is not a big difference.
Not at all.
But then I looked up the buses, and the bus rides are like 10 hours.
Yeah.
So I hit up my boy Cliff DeMartino.
No.
Oh, man.
Why not?
And I said, I'll pay you to drive me to Cincy on Thursday.
No.
How much?
Like $250. That's a flight. No, I'll pay you to drive me to Cincy on Thursday. No. How much? Like $250.
That's a flight.
No, it's not.
Flights are like six.
What?
Yeah, and I would have gotten the flight earlier through SAS,
but I was like, oh, it's close.
I'll take a drive.
Cliff said he's going to Lala on Thursday to see Kesha.
Ah, so he's not.
But he said he would lend me his Tahoe to drive up there.
Are you going to do it?
No, I think I'm going to take the bus.
Why don't you rent a car?
Renting a car would be easier.
I haven't driven a car in five years.
You need to drive cars.
Wait, is there an Amtrak that goes down there?
No.
No.
What's the nearest you can get?
I'm going to figure it.
It's like my task.
Luke, we've got to get you driving cars.
I can't drive. I need somebody to teach me how to parallel park so I can go get my task. We've got to get some driving cars. I can't drive.
I need somebody to teach me how to parallel park so I can go get my license.
You don't have a license?
It expired, and it's been expired.
It expired as soon as I moved to New York City.
So I just let it be.
Wait, $600 is round trip.
Yeah.
Well, he wants to get back.
Right?
Oh, there's an Amtrak.
Yeah. I looked up an Amtrak.
Yeah.
I looked up the Amtrak.
It's eight hours.
So what?
Is getting back that important?
I could just stay there.
Skyline Chili.
Yeah, Mook lives in Cincinnati.
Go, Burrow.
I'm sure people wouldn't be upset. Bengals colors do fit you well.
Oh, my God.
You look good.
You look like Andy Dalton.
What was the... I have Dalton. What was the...
I have a question.
What's the...
There was the white guys for Kamala.
What is that Zoom?
Yeah, but there's like these hoaxes going around with Joe Burrow and...
Jared Goff.
Jared Goff and another one.
Also, what's the deal...
Is it a political move that they're all calling Trump weird?
I've seen the word weird way more.
I think that's online.
I think that's just...
Yeah, I have no idea, but I just feel like...
Yeah, Trump and J.D. both weird.
I feel like they've come up with this whole thing, like, we're just going to call him weird.
It kind of works.
I guess.
It sticks.
That's not that bad.
Small dick heart.
Weird.
Weird Trump.
Weird is not fun.
You don't want to be weird, and you don't want to be dummy.
No.
I can handle weird. Or smelly.
Yeah.
If they had gone with smelly, that would be...
Because it's hard to disprove
smelly to the public.
I had a fucking dream that John Elway was
spraying me with a hose while I did
jumping jacks, but he had the voice of Jeff Probst.
You need a scan.
You were able to distinguish Jeff Probst's voice in your dream?
Because there was the cast of
Coggy On. They were all just
watching me do jumping jacks.
That's a wild dream.
I've been having recurring
DUI dreams.
That's not good.
Yeah.
No, I'm like, I'll crash into people. I've been having recurring DUI dreams. Oh, that's not good. Yeah. Where you get caught?
No, I'm like, I'll crash into people.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, and I'm like, I shouldn't be behind the wheel,
and I'm blurry, and then all of a sudden I just speed up.
I have reckless driving.
Yeah.
I wouldn't say I'm drunk, but it's just like the brakes are out.
I have brakes on all the time.
Yeah, and I'm just like, holy fuck, I just killed someone.
Yeah.
It's scary as fuck.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I think that's a normal dream, though.
You think so?
Somewhat.
There's no Jeff Probst speaking as John Elway
spraying you with a hose.
That's a fucking badass dream.
I kind of want to make a cartoon out of that.
Were you upset in the dream, or were you like,
this is awesome?
Whenever I'm in a dream, I can't do basic motor functions.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I was struggling with the jumping jack.
Okay.
It was like five seconds.
My teeth fell out.
Oh, teeth always fall out.
Teeth always fall out.
It means that your dick doesn't work.
Stressful.
Teeth fall out means your dick doesn't work.
Then I re-grew them.
Oh, really?
I re-grew them.
That explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure my teeth. That explains a lot. Pretty sure.
I'll tell you to follow that all the time.
TJ, can you bump this stream to the Doug stream?
I think it'll default bump to Quick Picks,
but we can redirect to you.
Let's do that.
Why don't you just wait four minutes until that's over?
That bullshit.
Damn.
Can we bump that?
That's the fucking show.
Can you figure that out, TJ?
We'll go right up to two.
Yep.
Just bump some streams today.
Yeah, we're going to then bump
Doug's to mostly sports.
And then we might...
What time's Jerry starting?
Nine.
Eight.
We won't be playing.
I was going to say we could... Someone else could do a stream in between ours and Jerry's.
We could bump.
Just bump it around.
Yeah, do the Jack McCarthy stream.
What's that?
Jack McCarthy bumps.
Make him do a stream.
Brandon, you want to do some pack openings?
A little bit.
Oh, I got to bring those cards in.
Yes, for the Clemmer video.
Remind me tomorrow.
Yeah.
Whoa.
We're opening cards?
Well, no, I have the pack
that's like 9-11, Hillary Clinton.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Clemmer opens up a pack
and he finds out
who had the best career
of baseball.
So we're going to do that
with the bad cards.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
We'll have to spin the wheels
to see who has the best.
Because you could have like
Osama Bin Laden on your forehead.
Would he win?
I think.
Best career.
It got cut short.
Uh-oh.
Saying best career.
I mean, he was successful.
Yeah.
But he had daddy's money.
True.
He's an epo baby. He's an epo baby.
He's an epo baby.
Yeah, we'll spin the wheel for somebody who has to earnestly make the video.
Yeah, earnestly do it tomorrow.
I'll bring him in.
She'll remind me to bring the cards, Steven.
I like self-made terrorists.
Yeah.
Bootstraps.
Pick them up by the bootstraps.
Like a Timothy McVeigh.
That guy did it on his own.
Or did he
i don't think it's cia oh was it someone else
i'm gonna get deep into the cia stuff it's some bad mama jamas
they blew up are you are you like watching videos no i'm just reading about it. They blew up that gas line going from Russia to Germany.
They let Charles Manson get away with a lot of stuff for a long time.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're disruptors in the marketplace.
You want to spin the wheel, TJ, in case it's something bad?
Oh, do the High Noon ad read.
High Noon.
The time is now.
The moment everybody's been waiting for.
Brandon?
Yes?
The High Noon Pool Pack is back.
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high noon sip on a guava this weekend that's my challenge to you dude the uh iced teas are
incredible i like that they're non-carbonated. Oh, they're so good.
Belch free.
I took one to the park on Friday in the stroller on ice.
How was it?
I'm breaking into the friend group.
Yeah, you're in?
Or you're breaking in?
They had a toddler Olympics.
I rolled up to it.
So did you stand like five feet behind their circle and laugh when they laughed?
Yep.
Hell yeah.
And I was really weird about it.
I said, sorry.
I'm sorry.
Can I Venmo anyone for being here?
They're like, what?
So yeah, I'm in.
Yeah.
You're golden.
Yeah.
Have them, I don't know, have a party and invite them.
With a guava party.
Yeah.
I knew guava party.
Did you exchange numbers with anyone but one one of them said i guess they listened to the yak and they're like heard you've been
trying to get into our group oh yes that made me want to die wait was it the overweight one
you were talking about
but yes no they did somebody heard me talking about them yeah big girl I never said that. Don't mess this up for me. I mean, I need it.
That's fine.
But yes, no, they did.
Somebody heard me talking about them.
Yeah, big girl.
You said you were like, yeah, she has four kids and you can tell.
Is that what you said?
Yeah, you said she was stretched to high heaven.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, yeah, I remember her now.
Off camera, you were saying.
There's a rule in this room.
You try to get friends outside of this room, we'll love it.
We don't let that happen. You have us.
I'm sweating.
It's all you need.
Very nice people.
We've got to try to poison some of Stephen's friends groups.
Yeah, Steve, when was the last time you hung out with a non-work friend?
I had a buddy come last Monday, I think, or maybe two Mondays ago.
Who?
What?
My buddy, Jeff.
Oh.
Why?
Pedophile Jeff.
Loves the kiddos, doesn't he, that Jeff?
Happily married dude, two kids of his own. Beard.
Owns an island.
We just never.
We just go 20 years doing this show.
We can never get another friend.
Small dick art.
Pedophile Jeff.
Bad Amy.
We all die.
The only people that come to our funeral is this show.
He didn't have a lot of friends.
That would be so bad.
All right, let's spin the wheel, TJ.
I mean, if we're the only...
If we're...
Our only friends are here,
that is good for the longevity of the show.
Correct.
We have to keep coming.
Yeah.
Oh, we're going to come.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you, Mariquai.
Oh, he fell.
All right, TJ, did you figure out how to do it?
Redirect?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to go play Doug's right now.
Then Mostly Sports is playing right after me.
We'll see everyone tomorrow.
Zlatan.
We're starting at 11.45 tomorrow Central, 12.45 Eastern.
We'll see you then.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Central, 1245 Eastern. It's the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Don't touch that dial.
Hang around and you'll go to Doug's and then you'll go to Mostly Sports
and then Jerry After Dark.
Just stay here all day.
Hang out.
All right, see you tomorrow.
Bye.