The Yak - Steven Cheah Called the Alien Crisis MONTHS Ago | The Yak 7-27-23

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We're in this bitch. It's the yak. Has everyone left? In some ways In some ways But not the booth Dude the booth is on fucking
Starting point is 00:00:49 Steroids The booth is on Winstraw right now We're deep in the fucking booth Five deep We could run a fucking A nice little weave right there I got Zod power forward Che at shooting guard
Starting point is 00:01:04 Figure out the rest amongst yourself I got Zod power forward. Che at shooting guard. Figure out the rest amongst yourself. This is the Yak. I think that Lil Sass is going to be in here eventually. We're going to have a nice Yak today, dude. A nice Thursday Yak. I've been abstaining from drinking alcohol. I've been eating relatively healthy and exercising a bunch, putting myself in a caloric deficit, making good decisions.
Starting point is 00:01:33 And I still feel like shit, dude. I still feel fucking terrible. And I don't know why, but it really doesn't matter because we're going to have a real nice yak. We're going to populate the rest of these chairs in here. It's not just going to be me. You really don't have to worry. But before we do all that, we need to talk about rowback. It's summertime. So you know that your boy and your boy's boys are all draped out in rowback polos, quarter zips, hoodies, joggers, lids. You're going to feel good. You're going to look good.
Starting point is 00:02:09 You're going to play good. If you're not on the links in some rowback, there's people laughing at you behind your back. There's people who are guffawing, disgusted that you couldn't style yourself with some sweet-ass rowback. And get some today. 20% off. Polos, hoodies, shorts.
Starting point is 00:02:28 All that. RoBak.com. R-H-O-B-A-C-K. Code Yak. Get you some RoBak. I got my boy Lil Sass in here. My fucking... This is so fucking stupid.
Starting point is 00:02:45 But the booth is on beast mode. Yeah. But we should bring other people in here, but we should let the chat decide who comes in here. Is that a good idea? The chat's not going to know anyone that's even in the office. I saw Glennie walk by. Jack Mack, his intern.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Diego's out there. There's a lot of security. It makes me think that there might be a threat. You think so? The amount of security that's out here, the way that they're all huddled by the front door, it makes me think that someone's going to rush the door. And whenever the fucking HVAC guy's in here, you know that it's... That's probably when they bring in the extra security. Yeah, because this fucking...
Starting point is 00:03:25 Probably because of the UFOs. They're real. Don't be foolish, Jay. Don't believe the government. Since aliens are here... I love how Jack Mac's turned into someone who does everything the government says. He's a lie.
Starting point is 00:03:37 They're like aliens... Jack Mac was someone, if the government was like, aliens aren't real, he'd be like, yes, they fucking are. Now they're like, aliens are real, and he's like, don't believe everything the government says.
Starting point is 00:03:44 They're waving the hand over here so you don't see what's happening behind their back. Yeah. What's really going on? But that dude aggravated the fuck out of me. Who? Like, I have evidence, but I can't tell you. I didn't watch any of it.
Starting point is 00:04:00 I mean, we might as well put some on. We're literally just sitting here. Dude, I saw a UFO in November. True. Proven right. Yeah, you did. They said that 5% of all UFO sightings are even reported. Only 5%.
Starting point is 00:04:16 So 95% of all people who see UFOs. You and Zah are in the minority in more ways than one, my brothers. But you guys are reporting, so if there's two of you reporting, that means that there's, what, 38 people in here that aren't reporting? Yeah, Che, you didn't report, did you? He reported to us. Define report. Call the police. Oh, no, I didn't do that. I'm not fucking an arc.
Starting point is 00:04:43 But, yeah, I told you guys. I tweeted it, so. And what race is the alien? Yeah. These headphones are loud. I'm unloading a clip. Just pop them off. Oh, actually, no, they're in there.
Starting point is 00:04:54 We actually need these boys back. We need these boys like our lives depend on them. Dude, it is hot as shit outside. I know. I biked in today, and I was just sluggish. Really? Other people on the turbocharged city bike were flying past me.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Dude, I was fucking... I was gonna Uber to work because I was running a little late and it was a 27 minute Uber. That's how... It's definitely a 20 minute walk. I didn't Uber. I took the train. Did you? I was one minute late. Train is so fast though. I fucking love Uber. I took the train. Did you? That's why I was one minute late. The train is so fast though.
Starting point is 00:05:26 I fucking love it. Yeah, you're just surfing. You're the type of guy that just stands up in the middle and doesn't touch anything. Oh yeah, don't touch a thing. Strictly bounce.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Yeah, that's perfect. Thank you. That's what made me think I'd be a good surfer. Skateboarder. I'm not, but it's like you think that
Starting point is 00:05:41 if you can surf the subway you can stand in the middle and not fall over. It's the most dominant thing a man can do. It's really just widening up that stance, getting the grip right, and then fucking twisting in. That was a little bit too much. I like going on other trains in other cities or the airport train and not holding on to anything. It's just a usual thing for me.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I'm actually always riding the rails. Not my first time on the subway. I actually ride the rails at all times. Rudy's walking by. That's another guy that could come on, but it's really up riding the rails. Yeah, not my first time on the subway. I actually ride the rails at all times. Rudy's walking by. That's another guy that could come on. Totally. But it's really up to the jet. It's really up to the jet.
Starting point is 00:06:10 When was the last time you guys went boogie boarding yourselves? I haven't been to the beach in like two years. Your spawn was boogie boarding. Yeah. So fun. That was a core-looking memory right there. Boogie boarding's the best. That reminded me of a comedy movie, Inside Out.
Starting point is 00:06:25 Yes. A nice core memory. It was fucking hysterical. What did you... You had a boogie board for the kids, or that was for you? No, it was at that... We rented a house, and it was at the house. It was just sitting in there.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Take out the boogie board. Yeah, it was for the kids, but then I did a few myself. Very fun. Yeah? I haven't done it in probably 10 years. Were you catching waves pretty easily? I wasn't going out crazy deep, but yeah, it wasn't too bad. Body surfing and riding a wave is pretty exhilarating.
Starting point is 00:06:58 The rush that you get, but also I've been bundled badly by waves before. Did you hear Matt broke his nose? Matt McCusker? He did? Yeah. Body surfing? Body surfing. That's hilarious. No, I didn't hear that.
Starting point is 00:07:10 But that, I mean, you literally do get bundled. Yeah. You think you're fucking sick riding on the front of a wave. Yeah, and then you get scorpioned. And then your ass goes over your fucking... Yeah. Over your shoulders. It's fucking...
Starting point is 00:07:21 Speaking of busting their nose, you guys see White Sox Dave yesterday against the Velcro wall? No. What happened? He went Aaron Rowland? White Sox Dave yesterday against the velcro wall. No what happened? Busted up his nose on a velcro wall what face first I'm not really sure if I know what a velcro wall is to be fully honest yet Kate's house think about the two words That's what it is. I get like a climbing wall, but it's velcro something like that. Oh, yeah You're wearing like a velcro suit. Yeah, let's stick to it That's a tough one
Starting point is 00:07:45 You need to be extremely explosive to make this work Yeah he's not even getting up onto the What's the reaction Oh fuck is he bleeding Alright well that's the end of that I don't think they have like a trampoline next to that Instead of the fucking half-deflated bouncy house. Yeah, you need a lot more air in that bitch.
Starting point is 00:08:10 And then there's just a bubble that you have to dump. Get over it. You need to be Byron Jones. The worst Velcro wall ever. That's an all-time video for me. Yeah, that's fucking... Wow, White Sox Dave's the fucking goat, dude. Get KFC in here, bro.
Starting point is 00:08:26 KFC's fucking rollerblading right now. KFC's in the future right now. What the hell are those things? Those are the auto-walking skates. I've seen those. They adapt to how fast you're walking, and they have wheels, like motors on them that make you faster. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:08:40 Yeah, you could walk up and down stairs with them on, and they know when you're on stairs so that they don't kill you. Oh, someone's dying. There's someone. Like the way that segues were just randomly killing people. Like someone's going to die. Yeah. Guy that invented segues died by riding a segue off a cliff.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Miami, you can't ride. All right, Jay. Jay. Mouthful of cookie. Almost choked on it at the death of the Segway inventor. Jay, I have a question for you. Were you a cool-ass little Asian boy when you were younger? Because I was on the train this morning with a bunch of little Asian boys, and they were cool as hell.
Starting point is 00:09:21 How do you know? They just all, like, all their outfits, like, fit perfectly. Like, I feel like when I was a child, everything was fitting wrong. Still is, but they were all dripped out. I would probably say no, because I'm assuming you're talking about
Starting point is 00:09:35 multiple Asian boys hanging out together? No, this was like children. Were they among each other, or were they with their mommies? They were with their mommies. Maybe their mom has a good style were with their mommies. Oh, yeah. Okay, so they were with their mommies. Maybe their mom has good style. They looked cool as fuck.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Probably, yeah. No, it wasn't. I wore almost exclusively basketball jerseys for the first until all of elementary school, basically. Did you keep any of them? Yeah. That's so sick. I'm getting rid of a bunch, actually, in the move. You want some? No, but I'm forced to keep a lot of my basketball jerseys
Starting point is 00:10:05 because when I was a kid, there was a point where my uncles and aunts, all their basketball jerseys got handed down to me, and it was the fucking illest thing ever. It was very rare retros that no one should have ever bought. So I'm giving them to my cousin who's in high school. Oh, that's fire. Keep them in the bloodline.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Do you want a Sixers, Hersey Hawkins? Yeah, I'll take it. Okay. I still have like the jersey from Jersey Day, like a Charles Barkley Rockets thing where I'm like too nostalgic to throw it out. Yeah. I should wad it up and throw it in the trash. You should get that thing framed.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Yeah. With a fake signature underneath it. I want to get a bunch of fake signatures so in posterity they think that I was surrounded by affluence. Yeah. But in think that I was surrounded by affluence. But in reality I was surrounded by forging scoundrels. That's my fucking goal. Jay, if you were playing
Starting point is 00:10:53 basketball or football, what sport did you play? Basketball and tennis. If you were playing basketball and there was a kid on your team who you knew was going to be really fucking good, would you ask him for a signature while you were on the team with him? Like we were leaving high school and I knew he was going to be like really fucking good would you ask him for a signature while you were on the team with him like we were leaving high school and i knew he was going to be a pro yeah maybe it could be a cool i've never thought of that like if he gave me like his jersey or something like that that could be like a cool memory uh but at the time you don't know so it's
Starting point is 00:11:22 like kind of weird but you had like you had an itch you were like this kid is going to go to the nba and be like the next michael jordan don't you think as a kid that everybody's going to go though like i if i was in my grade school of like 60 people were in my class and i was like oh dude this is crazy we have like two nfl guys and an nba guy i never thought that because i remember when i was going into high school there were kids there were seniors who everyone was like these are like the best athletes in Massachusetts. And then they all went to like shitty schools. Like D2 schools were back of tight ends. But they were just they could grow a beard when they were 13.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Yeah, exactly. They had a fucking leg up. Yeah. It's a dense ass beard. I played basketball so much growing up. I play like literally every day in my driveway and go to the park and play after, etc. My parents' plan, and this was through middle school, my parents' plan was to just show me the movie Hoop Dreams.
Starting point is 00:12:13 I'd just be like, you ain't going to make it. Really? Yeah. You were dreaming too hard, even for your parents? I actually watched it a couple weeks before they were going to show it to me. My parents showed me Air Bud. They said, this dog is better than you. You have any chance of going to the league?
Starting point is 00:12:31 Never be you, you fucking idiot. Couldn't make the fucking Westminster Dog Show, much less the league. You fucking idiot. Asian kids are super swaggy, though. Yeah, super. I've never seen that. There's a fucking Henry Goulding before him. Like, though. Yeah, super. I've never seen that. Henry Goulding before him. Like, no.
Starting point is 00:12:48 No, they've always been. What? Brother. They had some rough swag in the early 2000s, though. No, in the 90s, it blew the fuck up. Nope. What? Confirmed not.
Starting point is 00:12:58 I'm talking about the elites, the swaggiest of the swaggy. No. I think Uniqlo is what changed it for them. When Jackie Chan was like the cool Asian, like Asian kids were not cool. Have you ever listened to Tim Chaturangsu talk about it? Timothy De La Ghetto, the dude from MTV. I think he's like Cambodian or,
Starting point is 00:13:17 I think he's Cambodian, maybe. Yeah, I think he's Cambodian. But he was like, there was no cool Asian role model. So we would be like the first ones to like, he would watch like Fresh Prince and shit like that. Like throw his shit sideways and be like, this is me. Like this is, there was no one good. But now I think there is a nice swaggy class. Agreed.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Super swaggy. Super swaggy. It's fucking sick. Yeah. Koreans especially. Aggravatingatingly all that fucking good ass but there's probably there's probably like nightclub districts in china that are the funnest place in the fucking world you think i i bet there are like the fucking affluence of the top one percent there and i've heard good things about, like,
Starting point is 00:14:05 it's just safe. You can get shit-faced. Just go out to the fucking world and just be so rich. Who is... Some multiple people, I think, came on Pat Bev's show and fucking were talking about
Starting point is 00:14:15 how awesome it was going out in China. Like, how fucking... It was just one of one going out in China. Gilbert Arenas, maybe? I feel like if you're... If you can look like you are an NBA player going out in China, would be awesome.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Yeah. Also, I don't know... Because they watch the NBA, so they probably know who Gilbert Arenas is or know who T-Mac is or whoever, so they're probably heroes there. Yeah, 100%. Whereas nowadays, you know,
Starting point is 00:14:42 Gilbert Arenas didn't get mobbed going through Herald Square. You don't think? No. Gilbert Arenas wouldn't? Gilbert Arenas didn't get mobbed going through Herald Square you don't think no Gilbert Arenas wouldn't Gilbert Arenas is like 6'1 no he's 6'3
Starting point is 00:14:51 bro yeah you gotta be pretty tall you gotta be at least 6'6 people even turn their head you're saying
Starting point is 00:14:59 from a look from a frame standpoint not from a facial recognition standpoint I think both really but you gotta think of what draws the eye first and it's definitely height yeah you see height first and you go From a frame standpoint, not from a facial recognition standpoint. I think both. Really?
Starting point is 00:15:05 But you got to think of what draws the eye first, and it's definitely height. Yeah. You see height first, and then you go, holy shit, is that guy in the NBA? This has got to be annoying as fuck for the gangly non-NBA guys. Do you play basketball? Or it's awesome. Maybe they fucking love that shit. They definitely pretend sometimes.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Yeah. They definitely steal a little bit of valor. Yeah. I would. I would do. They definitely steal a little bit of valor. Yeah, I would. I would too. I definitely would. There's got to be bad body guys in the NBA too. Bad body guys? Yeah, guys with just fat bodies.
Starting point is 00:15:36 James Harden. No, but I'm talking even worse than him. I guess I haven't seen him with his shirt off. I feel like KD doesn't have an ideal body. Yeah, but he did the most with what he could. I think at the combine, he couldn't bench press 185 once. Yeah, that's not surprising. That's tough as a pro athlete.
Starting point is 00:15:56 But also, his arms are so long that it would have to travel a quarter mile. Yeah, exactly. I feel like most basketball players aren't built like LeBron, where they're just fucking tall, jacked dudes. Brolic as fuck. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's fucking... I don't know. How do you get built like that? I'm just so convinced that any type of good frame or most athleticism is just completely genetic.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Oh, yeah, 100%. Just not shit that you could do. There's a couple things that have showed me that recently. One DK Metcalf talking about his fucking diet that eats four bags of candy a day drinks coffee and has one meal a day and he's literally the
Starting point is 00:16:38 most shredded dude in the NFL. It's fucking disgusting. Four bags of candy and he orders just the grossest shit. But then there was this... But he also works out twice a day. But, yeah, there's no diminishing return on his workout even though he's having one meal? No, there would be for a normal person. Right.
Starting point is 00:16:57 I worked out three times a day and I ate like that. I would be gaining weight. Yeah. I feel like his type of workouts are very extreme probably and then there was this fucking my algorithm was feeding me this like bodybuilder dude who's like
Starting point is 00:17:12 he works out like seven type seven body parts once a week and just does like a single set on them and he's like the most jacked biggest fucking dude of all time. My buddies from home, they all like, they go on a walk and they like gain muscle.
Starting point is 00:17:30 And then they eat like Taco Bell and 40 beers. And they wake up like more shredded than they were the night before. Yeah. I have like one Kit Kat and I wake up and I'm like 10 pounds heavier. You smell a pie. You get fat as fuck. Is that a pie? Some people are just genetically superior.
Starting point is 00:17:51 And you've got to be looking at your parents just like, what the fuck? Oh, yeah. I've cussed my parents out before. What the fuck is this all about? This is your fault. Look at this bag of milk. Shitty body.
Starting point is 00:18:01 When was the last time you had pie not on a holiday? I recently had a pie dessert. Really? It was a pecan pie, but it was mashed up in a bowl and it was so good. Pecan pie is the best pie. Did we have pie? Where did we have pie?
Starting point is 00:18:18 Did we have pie at Labor and Arden? No. Such a posh, good boy thing. When did I have pie? I was somewhere recently... I remember having a pie. We got, like, apple pie and some chocolate pie. I forget where I was.
Starting point is 00:18:32 It must have been Le Bernardin. I feel like pie is so underutilized. It's, like, only at diners. Yeah. And, like, at holiday get-togethers. I've never been a huge pie person. Why? They're always good. I haven't never been a huge pie person. Why? They're always good.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I haven't really been a big dessert person in general. Come on, man. I like candy. I don't like cake. Give it a few beers, brother. Ice cream. Yeah. A nice dinner capped off with a delicious dessert
Starting point is 00:19:00 is the greatest pleasure, I think. I feel like I eat my dinner to the point where I'm too full to eat anything else. But didn't Nick say that it's like a completely psychological thing that like you will find room for dessert? Like there's always... Yeah, that's like a... Yeah. I think it's like a... I forget what it is.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Some kind of brain shit. I've heard that. But pie... Well, I think some of it for me is I don't love fruits like that. I'm not just devouring fruits I'm not just like Oh I need like a fucking stack of peaches Yeah I guess
Starting point is 00:19:30 No I love peaches You do? Yeah I love fruit I buy fruit all the time But it never lasts I'll buy like a thing of like
Starting point is 00:19:38 Blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries And I'll eat them all in like an hour You get them from a stand out here? No I go to the grocery store Which store? Don't worry about it. I go to HelloFresh. Or Factor.
Starting point is 00:19:52 Well, we'll hit that later. I go to Factor. That's cool. The dudes who have the fruit stands, though, have me very curious. I don't know how fresh that shit is, but there's like a guy on 23rd and like six or something like that he and he's like outside of like a fucking trader joe's who has the most robust and exotic looking fruit stand of all time it looks
Starting point is 00:20:17 like a kane kerner video just like shit that i don't know where he's even sourcing it from but is that stuff good is that stuff better than the stuff in Trader Joe's. You think so? Yes, because Trader Joe's is... No. Absolutely. Trader Joe's produce is not good. But the reason that that guy is better...
Starting point is 00:20:36 Trader Joe's is trying to sell you everything. They're trying to sell you bread. They're trying to sell you milk. They're trying to sell you meat. That guy's only selling fruit. And he's turning it over quickly. He's not trying to sell you bad fruit They're trying to sell you meat. That guy's only selling fruit, and he's turning it over quickly. He's not trying to sell you bad fruit because if he sells you bad fruit, you're not going to go back to him. So that guy's only selling fresh produce, and once that's gone, he goes and replenishes his stock.
Starting point is 00:20:57 So that guy's got the best fruit. But that's kind of like saying building your own car is better than buying one for Mercedes. Is there a professional mercedes guy who's building it right outside the shop but you don't know if he's a professional mercedes guy that's my job anybody could stand outside the mercedes dealership with a wrench and be like hey i'm making cars here if there's a mercedes next to him that he built then maybe but like yeah i understand i don't think that that's an apples to apples comparison, so to say. Oh, very nice.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Maybe I need to hit up the fruit stands. I get a little bit icky-ed out, though, by some fruit. Some of them just fucking... New texture disgusts me a little bit sometimes. Do you even need fruit, or is it just like vegetables? It might be bad for you. The way that they're genetically pumping fruit... Fruit is not good for you?
Starting point is 00:21:44 That's supposed to be the sweet that they're like genetically pumping fruit it's not fruit is not good for you it's like it's supposed to be that's supposed to be the sweet that's like natural sugars yeah so it's supposed to it's that's supposed to be what candy is really yeah but it has all it still has like a bunch of like nutrient like vitamins and stuff some of them yes and some of them are you know are good for you like potassium and banana and stuff like that but like overall you're not if you just eat fruit you're not going to be, like, in great shape. Like, it's vegetables that are really where it's at. Where are you getting your fruit knowledge? I think fruit is still good for you, though.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Fruit in moderation is good for you. Yeah, but, like, I don't think anyone should, like, I never feel guilty after I throw down a whole pack of fucking raspberries. But sometimes you don't feel good if you just crunch. I feel great. Too much. It's like I'm hydrating myself.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Actually, that's true. If I eat a box of pineapples, I feel like I'm glowing from the inside. It's so much fiber, too. You're shitting that stuff right out. TJ, is it boring as shit to cut this show right now? It's easy. One angle, other angle. One angle, the other angle.
Starting point is 00:22:50 Yeah. I feel bad. That's how we did it in my day. Yeah. Yeah. It was straightforward. That booth has gone through some its own metamorphoses. Lots of
Starting point is 00:23:04 it was Colby and avery at one point i guess during during covid yeah yeah gonzo man we're gonna miss that crew we're gonna we're making this room a loft we're gonna have a second a downstairs and upstairs totally this room yeah yes we're lofting it out. Don't worry about it, bro. Yeah, it's not. You don't have to worry about that shit. Actually, this is some New York shit,
Starting point is 00:23:28 so you guys don't even have to worry about it. But yeah, we're going to fucking loft this shit out. Party upstairs. Disco ball. Ratty old couches. It's going to feel like you're in Nashville. Signs from the interstate. Long horn skulls up on the wall.
Starting point is 00:23:44 It's going to be fucking beautiful. And downstairs is going to be business. Downstairs is going to be hunched over people banging away on a typewriter. It's going to be creative heaven in here. Smash us all fucking together and let us create
Starting point is 00:23:58 as it should be, as God intended it. I'm thinking about aliens right now, to be honest with you. I'm not thinking about anything. What'd you do last night? Hit the stand? Yeah, but then I just went home.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Ay-yi-yi. You've been consuming comedy. I had a long-ass day. You went to... Oh, yeah, dude. You were going through it when you were leaving yesterday. I was in such a bad mood. Yeah, you were stomping.
Starting point is 00:24:22 I was doing my slow walk. I had an orange juice, and I just saw it fucking start to jiggle on the top. I was like, oh no, this ass is pissed. Well, I had to go from the yak and then I had to do two more podcasts. Then I had to do a sketch and then I had to go to the stand at 10. Two more podcasts? Mm-hmm. What podcast did you do?
Starting point is 00:24:40 Columns and then Nate Marshall and LeMaires. What do you talk about on all these fucking shows you do? I was out of stuff to say. Yeah. Well, but then today you wake up with a brain full of new stuff to say. That's how it works, right? Kind of. I don't have much to say today either.
Starting point is 00:24:54 God damn it. But I try my best. Which podcast was funnier? LeMaire and Nate's or Columns? They were both very funny. Very different aspect. In which ways? Columns racist and the other two guys are black.
Starting point is 00:25:10 It's so true, but he gets away with it because he's like a cheeky Irishman. I don't think that was over their line. Lemaire and Nate have this dude Andy on their podcast. He's very funny too. Andy? Shout out to those dudes. Yeah, it was fun. And then what was the sketch you guys shot?
Starting point is 00:25:25 Did you actually, when I left you, you were like, I'm not shooting that fucking sketch. Well, no, I knew I was going to shoot it. I was just more, it was just a lot of stuff. You just needed someone to complain to. Yeah. No, I shot it. It was actually very easy and very funny. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:25:38 Yeah, we just shot it at Fights Apartment. What's the premise on the punchlines? Can't tell you. Ah, fuck. Secret secrets. Are no fun. So, fuck. Secret secrets. Are no fun. So pass that shit along. And then you went to the stand.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Who was performing? Me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It was actually a really, really fun show, too. Holy shit. Who else was on the card with you? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:00 I was closing it out. God damn. You hear this? 22 years old? It doesn't. People think that has something to do. Like, people, the worst thing is when a host brings you up when you're going last as a headliner. Yeah, that's tough.
Starting point is 00:26:15 You're like, no, I'm not. I'm like, this is just when the booker booked me. But, I mean, the booker knows what they're doing. They're trying to get people to stick around. No. It's literally just like who, because people have time constraints, people have other shows.
Starting point is 00:26:27 The lineup means nothing. Used to pray for times like this. You're a fucking beast. 22 years old. No one saw this. When do you find out about JFL? You got this shit. I'm positive you have this shit. do not even worry about it i think
Starting point is 00:26:47 that was last night the shows it was jfl yeah i didn't get it but i mean not a big deal what the fuck i i feel like um i feel like a lot of people that listen to our podcast aren't comedy fans. Getting it two years into comedy is insane. No one does. Yeah. And also, Caroline got JFL, but she got Creators. She didn't get the stand-up. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Does anyone know what she did? What does she do out there? What do you mean? She went to Montreal. Oh, she did it already. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't think she's on, like, she's not on, like, a new... She probably made some music. She, like, did she...
Starting point is 00:27:30 I don't know what it is, because I know when you do, when you get new faces, you go and you do a showcase in front of all these, like, agencies and, like, SNL and all that shit. Damn. The creators thing is fairly new, I think. You need a sex tape of you sucking a dick or something like that. Hell no. Why? Hell no.
Starting point is 00:27:48 Why won't you suck a dick for a comedy career? I don't know. Yeah, but that's still, it doesn't. No, I found out like a while ago that I didn't get it. You're going last. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But you're going last at the stand, dude.
Starting point is 00:28:00 You're doing great. I'm not worried about it. Yeah, I know you're not. Me neither. But, dude. You're doing great. I'm not worried about it. Yeah, I know you're not. Me neither. But, uh... Yeah. Was there a lot of stars out at the stand? No, it was empty.
Starting point is 00:28:13 Do you ever go and watch other people's shows when you don't have... when you're not going up? Very, very rarely. So you go and just hang out with the fellas? No, I really only go if I'm booked there. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:27 But that's like three nights a week. I'm there every day this week. Damn. If you go to a comedy place like that, do you get free food? No, but you get like a huge discount. Like I'll get like ten beers and my bill will be like five dollars. I don't even really know what the discount is.
Starting point is 00:28:48 I feel like it kind of changes a lot. Okay. But you get the same discount for food. I think it's like 60 or 70% off, something like that. Jeez, okay. Yeah. It's an extremely good deal.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Yeah. So I only go there. I never go anywhere else. They're going to go out of business or something. No. That shit is, they're giving, they're just, that's like, only go there i never go anywhere else they are gonna go out of business or something no that shit is they're given they're just that's like if you watch bar rescue that's john taffer's number one thing what giving giving to you whenever people are giving away drinks he that's when he
Starting point is 00:29:16 has to put in the pos system make sure you're measuring out the shots like you're in canada or something yeah but i mean if you think about how many people are there, I mean, they have like six shows. They were giving me free drinks. No way. That sounds like you were stealing. No, that guy was giving me, it was like a light beer. We were talking about you last night. Who was?
Starting point is 00:29:36 Otterone talk last night. Who was? It was me and the fellas. You were talking about your bars. Oh, shit, dude. I am opening up a location in Philly. Really? A bar. I was with this guy, in Philly. Really? A bar.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I was with this guy, Ryan Long, and he's from Toronto. We were talking about King of the Dot. Ryan Long was on Rogan, dude. Yeah. He does a lot of, like, pranky man on the street. If you go to a protest, you'll see Ryan Long there creating content. Yeah, he does a lot of sketches, too. Yeah, a funny guy.
Starting point is 00:30:02 He's very funny. And he came on this show one time but uh he uh you know i gotta watch his uh rogan episode just to be like because it's like when you see someone like that who you're at you who's just coming through here it's like ah yeah accessible yeah pretty cool um i think i'm gonna go to a battle rap event um in august in oakland it's going to be sick a big ass battle rap event just like go go for fun that'll be cool yeah i think so too i definitely think so um dude should we get some other people in here i'm down for whatever i'm having a good time i could use more people doesn't matter to me let's get glennie in here whatever you want what was
Starting point is 00:30:43 that did the chat did the chat have any idea about getting other people in here? A lot of mook. Is mook here? Mook, Gia, Rico, Ebony, Smokes, Rudy. Tommy Smokes just doesn't come in anymore. He hasn't been in in days. Too busy. Yeah, he's so busy.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Tommy's always leading around a a pack of like high up executives being like, and so for this shot we're going to need to get, we're going to need to move all of these chairs out of the room. Like mapping out
Starting point is 00:31:11 every single, so what is he doing for that show? Is he filming a bunch of shit in advance and like releasing it as like? Yeah, we're filming the whole season.
Starting point is 00:31:18 That's cool. And he has more people filming with him now too. Yeah. Because I think Owen and Tyler are on that now, right? He's stealing, he's ripping them out from under you. Yeah. I think Owen and Tyler are on that now, right? He's stealing.
Starting point is 00:31:25 He's ripping them out from under you. Yeah. Fucked up. I know. But, yeah, he's leading around PAX. Then, dude, I was sitting on the couches or, like, the rundown set out there with headphones on. Who were we saying? Mook.
Starting point is 00:31:38 Mook. Gia, Frank, Ebony, Joey. Just everyone. Grace O'Malley. Did you get Grace O'Malley and Chicken Fry in here? Talk about the drama. Yeah, we gotta get to the bottom of everything. Now, who's fucking who?
Starting point is 00:31:52 So, if you're fucking Morgan Wallen, who the hell is fucking Luke... What, I don't know any of their names. Luke Combs. Luke Combs. They all have the same... Why do they all have the same fucking name? Because it's country music.
Starting point is 00:32:03 You need to give people sounds that they're familiar with. I gotta fuck a country star. Taylor Swift. Lil Sass is fucking Miranda Lambert. I need you guys to open up Reddit one day and see a picture of me and Taylor Swift hanging out at the beach. Like a porn still shot of you inserting into Taylor Swift. The hell is this? Seconds away from entering her.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Yeah. It looks smooth as fuck. Tell me KFC's not leaving the office in those things. No cameras around me. Tell me he's not hitting the streets wearing those. If I saw him on fucking 7th Avenue, like, dodging the homeless people. Oh yeah. Slip sliding around homeless people like
Starting point is 00:32:49 a dude from the 70s at a roller rink in a V formation with his boys in those fake fucking moon boots. I would be absolutely incensed. Dude, I'm fucking moving. It sucks so fucking bad. Why don't you just do one of those Instagram ads
Starting point is 00:33:05 I don't know because I want to reserve the right to make fun of people who do them yeah I could never I will pay whatever premium it's costing just to make sure that I reserve the right to be able to make fun of people who do this
Starting point is 00:33:21 Kate was tweeting about how both of her couches didn't fit into her house. That's like one of the most mortifying experiences you can go through. But you know there's couch doctors. Yeah, I did it. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Just big-ass couch just sitting in the lobby of the apartment.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Everyone's crowding around being like, did you not fucking measure it? And I'm like, no, of course I measured it. And then in my head, I'm like, I didn't even think to measure it what would i use like five hands long i was like i didn't even stacking my shoes up next to it like yeah it crossed my mind i literally was laying in bed at like noon and i just found a couch on amazon and clicked purchase yeah a 300 couch yeah this would be fine yeah why do i have back issues? That's what those couch doctors, they just saw it in half, right? Dude, they literally come and they explode the couch into like a thousand pieces.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Really? And then you just come back and it's in your apartment completely set up. It's crazy. And they're dickheads, but they're really good at their job. They really know what they're doing. They're true surgeons. Yeah. You have to go to couch doctor medical school for seven years to be able to do that shit.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Like, dude, it was like multiple scenarios. Like, just everything kept on getting fucked over. They were like, we can get it up this. And then they were like, where's your door? And they were like, what made you even think it was going to fit through this door? But SAS's doorways are preposterous. They're like the Play-Doh shapes that little kids play with. Yeah. And it's also at like an angle so they can't go in.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Like a really thin hallway right outside the door. Okay. So they were like, we're going to have to fucking rip this thing up. These are the couch doctors or the movers? The couch doctor. Okay. The mover fucked me. The mover rolls up.
Starting point is 00:35:03 It's like Amazon. He shows up with the big ass couch. He like calls and he's like, can you help me bring this in? It was a preassembled couch. Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then I go and I'm like, all right.
Starting point is 00:35:14 I was like, we just got to bring it up to the room. He's like, he's like, no, man. He's like, this is as far as I go. Just like the entrance of the apartment. You should have greased the wheels. That's why you need to. I'm about to hit the bank and just have hunches. No, but he wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:35:27 It would have been a scene. Really? We had the super. The other, like the fucking. We have like an old super who's like, I guess, the super, but she's not. And then we have like an actual super who's like. Grandmothered in? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Yeah, that's a nightmare. But you also have a low maintenance enough lifestyle where you could just sit Indian style on the floor. Just it wouldn't matter. Like Kate has Kate has children. Yeah, that's true. I didn't I sat in my apartment for like an hour being like, I don't know what the fuck to do about this couch. And it was just in the lobby taking up the whole lobby. It's stressing.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Yeah. Starting to drink. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Need to calm this shit down. And yeah, but they're great. It's actually really one of the more efficient.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Usually when you hire a service like that, you're like, this is going to be fucked up somehow. And this was like, it worked perfectly. Yeah, that shit is annoying. The only problem is I'm going to have to call them again when I move. There's no way it's getting out. You got me on file? Yeah. Just smash it. Just take no way it's getting out. You got me on file? Yeah. Just smash it.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Just take the sledgehammer to it. Fucking ball it up within its draped out skin. Yeah, I'm gonna have to. So what did Kate do? What did she wind up doing? Is she just having
Starting point is 00:36:35 to buy new couches? Assuming she called the doctor. Maybe not, though. Doctors in the Midwest takes a while for them to get there. They gotta take the fucking Wells Fargo wagon
Starting point is 00:36:44 out there. It's not like the big city. No, it was... There was a doctor around every corner. They're fast. It was literally, you text them. Because people... I mean, you probably don't know you need the couch doctor until it's too late.
Starting point is 00:36:54 Yeah. And then you go, hey, I'm at this address. And they go, we'll be there in 10 minutes. There's an ambulance that comes up. Yeah. So you hear sirens in the distance. We're on our way now. I was riding next to some sirens on the way in on my bike next to some fire trucks, some fire engines.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Yeah. Dude, the fucking Midtown firefighters are like the hottest, jackedest dudes that exist on planet Earth. Really? These dudes are so hot and jacked. That's surprising. Why? Because the police here are like the ugliest fattest dudes on earth yeah and they're wearing they're wearing fucking uniforms that are 20 sizes too big it's disgusting the police are fucking lumps but the firefighters are like the true heroes dude like fucking fucking muscles peeking out the top of a full uniform.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Just cool uniforms, great jawlines, tan somehow. Of course, dude. They live in Rockaway Beach. 102 out today. Yeah, but they're like in a firehouse. But they are the true heroes. I'm just so firmly on their hot-ass sides. I know they have flop houses next door where they just bang local hooahs too
Starting point is 00:38:06 dude I know that every firehouse has like a fucking apartment that they're renting out just so they can get naughty we're a family I wish I I want to watch one of those shows you ever seen Miracle
Starting point is 00:38:19 the hockey movie we're a family we're a we're family these fucking wannabe Canadian American guys that movie's great though yeah they do
Starting point is 00:38:30 love that movie all hockey players wanna be Canadian so bad oh yeah just like all basketball players wanna be American isn't Witt talking like a heavier Canadian accent
Starting point is 00:38:38 than people from Canada talking no Biz is neither Biz is from Canada right Biz is from Canada I think he is right I'm pretty sure yeah oh okay he's from Canadaada all right but wit wit is stealing valor yeah they all are no all my
Starting point is 00:38:51 friends played hockey growing up and they all talked to you valor yeah hockey players are really funny though they're all funny dudes the kids who play basketball talk with a different accent too though do they that i grew up with yeah yeah. Oh, they talk black? Yeah. Black scent? Yeah, a little bit. But it is a great, I mean either one, you're supporting the culture.
Starting point is 00:39:11 You're uplifting the culture that you're a part of. How do football players talk like special needs dudes? But that's not a put on accent though. That's just over time. It just evolves that way over time Turn on Bussin' with the Boys I like the special ones
Starting point is 00:39:31 Oh god Those are my brothers Those are my fucking brothers I fucking love those dudes Bussin' with the Boys? The Boys, yeah I wonder what kind of shit they're going to I fucking love those dudes. The boys? The boys, yeah. I wonder what kind of shit they're going to.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Probably going to training camps and shit like that. Did you see Taylor got bodied yesterday on Instagram? By what? By Nuke DeAndre Hopkins. Nuke? No, what happened? So DeAndre Hopkins' receiver receipt resigned with the Titans pretty late, like, I don't know, a week or two ago. And they showed the Titans official social,
Starting point is 00:40:13 showed him, like, walking out just from the facility to the practice field. And then I think Taylor commented, like, gets yelled at for walking. So I saw that comment. I didn't get that. Is that an indictment of their culture there or uh i'm not sure to be honest but just the insinuation that he got yelled at uh and then deandre hopkins responded like at taylor luan gets yelled at for giving up five sacks in the game to chandler jones which was last year i think that's a low blow. Chandler Jones isn't
Starting point is 00:40:48 there to make fun of someone to lose to. Those are the biggest, baddest dudes of all time. That's John Jones' brother, the UFC fighter. Do you know who John Jones is? No, I don't know who any of these people are. His nickname is Bones. He's just the baddest fucking dude.
Starting point is 00:41:03 He just came back and demolished the fucking heavyweight all right uh this fucking fit damn reflected in the walk too he's going to the hamptons this weekend for sure no he's not he's going to training camp he's about this tailgating start training camp already started pre-seasons around the corner bro their first pre-season game what the 12th was the The first preseason game is what? The 12th? When's the Hall of Fame game? Like the fucking 5th or something? Hall of Fame ceremony is Saturday.
Starting point is 00:41:29 So I was something a week from Sunday. I think the Hall of Fame game is like a week from today. Can you bet on preseason? Oh, yeah. It's before. Of course, bro. Yes. Fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:37 Me and Sass are about to have a gambling segment on Son of a Boy, Dad. No, we're not. But I did put a future down for the Bills. To? In the Super Bowl. There you go. Yeah. I'm going to a future down for the Bills in the Super Bowl. There you go. Yeah. I'm going to put one down for the Patriots as well.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Did you see Josh Allen hug that girl yesterday that was crying? I did, yes. I didn't see that. That's very cool. What happened with Braxton Berrios, though? Cheated on? Big drama. What?
Starting point is 00:42:01 Break it down, TJ. I was trying to look for it. Apparently, Alex Earl and Braxton Berrios were never actually exclusive, and that was like a known thing. But Alex Earl got caught making out with a dude. Oh, shit. At Surf Lodge? At Surf Lodge.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Turns out he was 17 years and 364 days old. Oh, one day. I thought it was going to be gas. He just finished his junior year of high school. Oh. One day. I thought it was going to be gas. He just finished his junior year of high school. And how old is she? 22. Pervert, bro.
Starting point is 00:42:38 This Hollywood shit has gone too far, man. I'm tired of these predators. Where's Chris Hansen when we need him? I know. What was the thing going on with Patrick Mahomes? He's in a polyamorous relationship now? Did you guys see that? Didn't he just get his wife pregnant again? His wife posted a picture wearing like a, and she had like a poly tattoo on her foot.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Does that mean like multiple partners? Yeah. They're in like an open, people think they're in an open relationship. This wasn't on quarterback. I know. Yeah, what? Where did you see that? On Twitter. Let's get to the bottom of this stat. I know. Yeah, what? Where did you see that? On Twitter.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Let's get to the bottom of this stat. I got to get a water. Maybe he's just like, bro, you can't leave. I'm here alone. What the fuck is this? Today you have to get a water of all days? How is that possible?
Starting point is 00:43:17 Yeah, get me a water, dude. You'll get more people. You know what's kind of cool to think about? Is that on quarterback they revealed that Patrick Mahomes has been with his wife since like 7th or 8th grade. Yeah. I thought that was known. Well.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Revealed to you. Theoretically, I've piped more than Patrick Mahomes. You definitely have, bro. Damn. You're QB1. Damn. You're QB1. Yeah. You really are. Well, he's QB1 if he's been monogamous the entire time.
Starting point is 00:43:50 But he probably had a little. It's probably like an open relationship the way that Usain Bolt has an open relationship. Where his wife is just like, you're going to the Olympic Village. You're already unruly. But did you guys find it? No, we didn't find it yet. You didn't? They're looking it up.
Starting point is 00:44:09 I hope I'm not, like, I hope this wasn't like a dream that I had. You're just dreaming of piping Patrick Mahomes' wife? That Patrick Mahomes is an open relationship? What? I need to tell the guys. The guys will love to hear this. Yeah, this. You don't follow NFL notifications?
Starting point is 00:44:26 Trending. NFL noti? Wow, that just fucking blew my theory up. So she... Polygamous illustrations. Wow. I thought that's the picture that they use. So she's a cuck or...
Starting point is 00:44:43 Yeah. Why does it have 500 retweets And 300 Likes There are people saying It's not real They could have Superimposed that tat
Starting point is 00:44:55 That duped Tragic if true Alright if Quiggs is on it That would break my fucking heart The tweet was also edited You can't edit Pictures can you Do you think A lot of people Alright, if Quigs is on it, that would break my fucking heart. The tweet was also edited. You can't edit pictures, can you? Brother, let me tell you about Photoshop.
Starting point is 00:45:13 No, but on a tweet. There's a groundswell of people saying that polyamorous people are the most disgusting, ugliest people on earth. But this would be a blow to those people. You ever think about that? Like, sex party orgies? Like, probably not a lot of lookers, I would assume. Yeah, 100%. No lookers. We had a dude named Lomero on Son of a Boy Dad said that he tried to go to one on Snapchat.
Starting point is 00:45:40 He paid $100 to get in. And they fucked him. And then he got there and they're like, no, sorry bro, we're all full. Yeah. He was waiting in the lobby of the hotel. Like he was too good looking or too ugly? No, they were just like, we're full, sorry. They scammed him.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Oh, really? They were just probably posting nasty Snapchats out into the world. He tried to contact them. He found it on Reddit. Oh, it was on Reddit? Yeah, and then it was like a Snapchat thing. Yeah, they're just putting the hooks out there to the horniest guys.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Easiest way to get money, honestly. Dude, scamming horny guys, you could become a billionaire? The Ukraine. Oh, you've probably gotten scammed once or twice. Absolutely. I mean, the OnlyFans thing. What did you get scammed?
Starting point is 00:46:23 It happens to me every single time, the OnlyFans. They say no pay-per? It happens to me every single time The OnlyFans They say no pay-per-view You pay the fucking thing Then every Well the good stuff is pay-per-view Oh I see
Starting point is 00:46:30 It was $9.99 to get in the door But then I also did fall for Actually my first time First time in the US It was 2011 I fell for the The typical
Starting point is 00:46:40 iPhone gift card one Oh really? Trista Crick? I fell for that when I was really young and my parents got so mad at me. I had to lie to my parents because it was put on my credit card. And I went like $1,500 into debt as a college student. I had to lie to them and tell them, yo, I need like a root canal kind of thing. That's what you said?
Starting point is 00:47:04 Yeah. I mean, I couldn't be straight up and be like, yo, I got scammed. Like, what were you doing? I'm scared of my dad. I got scammed one week here. Be honest, though. I actually do need to tell him. Actually, he'll probably kill me still.
Starting point is 00:47:17 You think he would? Eh, I mean, it's been 11. Just pay him back. Yeah, that too. 11 years and it's like $1,000. So hopefully he'll be fine. I remember i called my parents over to the like family computer and i was like we just won 500 to walmart and my dad was furious good news yeah call grandma yeah i've been talking to her in years you take me to walmart i have 500 how did you get that how did they even get in like how'd they get your number
Starting point is 00:47:48 you think it was because of the porno you're I was on addicting games calm they were so fucking addicting over there yeah it was a gateway drug for lots of young gamers yeah and they had a bunch of pop-up scams and all that shit damn it was there they've done a good job of getting rid of pop-ups oh big time but i think it's also i think it's just uh max yeah yeah just filter everything out i think they're harder to get i think it's harder to get uh like there's pop-up blockers and they will like especially with max uh it'll be like uh allow or block pop-ups from this site. Yeah. The only time I even get pop-ups anymore is when I'm trying to like illegally stream a game. I do that.
Starting point is 00:48:30 That happened to me. I was trying to watch the deleted Always Sunny episodes on my TV. Yeah. And every time I would try and click play, it would be like, it's trying to redirect you to this link. Do you want to do it? And it would take like 20 minutes to get the show started. There was an art to X-ing out of that shit. Yeah shit yeah there was definitely you had to be nice with it to be
Starting point is 00:48:47 able to x out of hard to do it when you're doing it from a fucking tv remote yeah you have to have like the steady hand you have to be a couch doctor to be able to do that oh yeah 100 it's the only way damn it's just gonna suck bad. I'm not in tomorrow because I'm just fucking moving boxes. I know. I'm not in tomorrow either because I'm helping you move. Yeah, which is going to be legendary. I'm going to get you a case of beer and a pizza. Love.
Starting point is 00:49:15 No, seriously, what are we doing for the act tomorrow? Are we going to have Chicago do it? I texted them, but they were like, ah, no, no, no. We're not coming to Newark. It's fucking insane. I'll just do a solo hour no that's crazy I want to do it you want to do it
Starting point is 00:49:29 but that's wild that they can't do it there's so many more people there than there are here no no no we're not gonna do it we gotta stand for something over here
Starting point is 00:49:37 in New York fall for anything until you guys move to Chicago you're a part of the New York office and we can't let the Chicago office bully us like this who's gonna produce the show out there? I was –
Starting point is 00:49:47 Fucking White Sox Dave. Hell no. I was sitting in the rundown set two days ago with my headphones in but nothing playing on them like a psychopath. And there was like a salesy type guy who was like giving a tour of the office. And as he walked by, all I heard from him was like, yeah, they're saying there's not going to be a rivalry. But you know there's actually going to be a rivalry. I was like, god damn, bro. He's trying to pit the gangs against one another? I mean, if you think about the rivalry shit, if you think about who the rivalry would be between, it would be the people who get into like drama here constantly what do you mean me and you are never going to be
Starting point is 00:50:28 a part of a rivalry like it's pretty easy to avoid that shit sass what do you think about the minifans i have nothing but respect for them good no i think about them why would that be a loaded question it seems like you're trying to start a rivalry. Well, no, I mean, they're one group to start. That would be a rivalry with Kirk, and I would never have that because I think Kirk's funny. Yeah, I like Kirk too. The fact that you even think that they're rivalry worthy makes me think that you have some type of ill will against them.
Starting point is 00:51:01 No, I mean, they're just the first army that I think of that will mobilize. But that's not, I'm thinking more like, I don't know. There's sleeper cells all over the place. Jersey Jerry, Rico, they have like
Starting point is 00:51:13 CIA level guys that they could just tap into that are just sleeping for the summertime. They'll be back in football. I roll solo. I don't need an army.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Yeah. But SAS Army is there. SAS Army's out there too. Oh, yeah. You could in football season. I roll solo. I don't need an army. Yeah. But SAS Army is out there, too. Oh, yeah. You could rise them up. Easily. Like Babylon. You'd have them fucking dancing at your feet. Jerry's army is something.
Starting point is 00:51:36 It's because Jerry's army, it's like people he meets in real life. They have real life screenings for the army. But he'll ask for some very detailed favors. He has boot camp. Yeah, hell week. This guy's a ride or die. There's been dudes who have rung the bell to like, I can't make it, Jerry. I'm tapping out, Jerry.
Starting point is 00:51:55 I can't. The psychological aspect. I got to go home and see my kids. I didn't know it would be like this. It's hell War is hell But uh Yeah it was unsettling
Starting point is 00:52:08 To hear this dude being like Oh yeah There's gonna be a rivalry We're gonna pit them against one another Francis fears the rivalry Francis fears a lot of things Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:20 Like what Negative comments Mean things being said to him I guess We all do though In the 1500s Or like the fucking 800s Yeah? Like what? Negative comments. Mean things being said to him. I guess. We all do, though. In the 1500s, or like the fucking 800s, Francis would be a frontline warrior. Like, he would be like... We would put him out to do battle for us.
Starting point is 00:52:39 I'm trying to think who in here is more equipped. I guess the guys over any former athletes that we have, any guys that played pro. But Francis would be the guy on the front line that we're counting on to stab someone through their neck. I see what you're saying. Don't you think so? Speaking of Francis, Julio's Afghanistan series came out yesterday. Was it not out already? No, it just came out.
Starting point is 00:53:01 It's like five parts. It's very, very good. It's so clean. Yeah, it's really interesting. I watched the first episode last night. It's like five parts. It's very, very good. It's so clean. Yeah. It's really interesting. I watched like the first episode last night. It's really cool.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Yeah, it was just like Bourdain-y, travel channel-y. Yeah, yeah. Go check that out. Clean editing, clean voiceover, interesting.
Starting point is 00:53:18 And of course, the Taliban. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, how's the Taliban? It's pretty fucking crazy that you did videos with the Taliban. And of course has the Taliban it's pretty fucking crazy that he
Starting point is 00:53:25 different books did videos with the Taliban of course the Taliban yeah yeah I can't act like I know enough to uh
Starting point is 00:53:33 uh dive in on that shit but uh I know that when he was like yeah the Taliban's not that bad and then Chaps and Kate
Starting point is 00:53:41 were like whoa whoa whoa yeah yeah yeah our military gang said uh not so fast but you just don't know sometimes you know everybody goes through pr yeah like oh is radio shack still big like you don't know what what brands that were around in the fucking early 2000s are still around is that still a good brand is it a strong brand
Starting point is 00:54:02 are they woke now is radio still around no i don't think so is it i feel like that's a good brand? Is it a strong brand? Are they woke now? Is Radio Shack still around? No, I don't think so. Is it? I feel like that's a tough name for modern day. Yeah, I haven't seen a Radio Shack in a while. It used to be pretty sweet. Yeah, it used to be cool. It used to be a cool place to get into. Remote control cars.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Yeah. Kind of like those Bridgestone fucking... Is that what it's called? Tire Place? No, I think it was the electronic one. In the air. They would have them in the air. No, Bridgestone is the tire... what it's called? Tire Place? No. No, I think it was the electronic one. In the airport. Bridgestone is the tire... What is the one?
Starting point is 00:54:29 Brookstone. Brookstone. Do those not exist anymore? No, they do. No, barely. Oh, I've seen them in airports. This motherfucker. Good place to sit in a chair massage.
Starting point is 00:54:39 Yeah. They have cool-ass little gadgets there. Yeah. They had drones there before drones were like a thing. They were like building drones. They were like a shell corporation with back massagers that were actually vibrators. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:55 Is that right? Women were just streaming out of. What do you think that that like round back massager was really for? For your back? For your clitoris. It's for your clitoris it's for your clitoris all my boys were getting them for their clitoris oh yeah big time all of my guys were hitting that all of that shit was just advanced sex stores also the shit you used to buy on the airplane magazines sky mall you never saw that shit sass you would have had a field day the way you love to talk about fucking airports and airplanes if you were around for the sky mall
Starting point is 00:55:29 days yeah oh my god dirty magazines we used to really be sharing magazines like fucking fiends you're a dirty magazine guy at the airport i'm talking about physically dirty magazines that's what i'm talking about too didn't you say you used to buy an adult magazine every time you were at the airport? Yeah, you're talking about adult magazines. I'm talking about magazines that are so... What is this? Now it is real vibrators. So now that they've just progressed and they're like, okay, we don't have to pretend anymore.
Starting point is 00:55:57 That thing is nuts. That's for a guy who has a penis like a snail. That's for dudes? No. Obviously not. But there's a hole in it. That's the hole for. I think that's for the clitoris.
Starting point is 00:56:09 That's if your dick curls up like an elf shoe. I don't think it's meant for the penis. Why is there a hole in it? Because I think it goes on top of the vagina. Girls are jamming their whole clitoris in there? Yeah, I think so. Your sausage maker? No, that's for a guy with a penis that curls up like ribbon
Starting point is 00:56:26 you take a fucking scissor and run it down the penis and it fucking curls up like you're shaving carrots like those fucking those rolls of gum yeah fruit by the foot yeah gross dude that shit's fucking gross gum is gross dude those fruityums, I don't like them at all. Fruity gums lose flavor in two chomps. Big League Chew was good, but besides that, like the Hubba Bubba, like the fucking roll of it. Bubblicious? Watermelon leave? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:54 You don't like that? No. And whatever they're putting in gum to make it long-lasting, that's dangerous. Yeah. Flavor should not last that long if you chew it in your mouth. No natural flavor is fucking lasting that long. Gum would always make my stomach growl. Because apparently it activates your digestive system.
Starting point is 00:57:16 They say that gum can trick your body into a sense of comfort too though. Interesting. Animalistically it makes you think that you're eating. So it relaxes everything around you. Then it gets all the fucking. Adjustive juices going. Adjustive juices going and you're not swallowing anything. So they gets all the fucking... Adjusted juices going. Adjusted juices going, and you're not swallowing anything, so they're like, where the fuck is the food at?
Starting point is 00:57:31 You get nausea, heartburn, indigestion, that's just stomach diarrhea. You ever chew gum until it disintegrates, and you just swallow it? Like, it feels like you're swallowing nothing? How long does that take? Hours. It must take months.
Starting point is 00:57:44 A very long car ride? I've chewed gum for hours. I've chewed gum for, like, plane ridesed gum for plane rides and still been chewing it. Forgot I'm chewing it. Flavor's gone and it's never disintegrated on me. Juicy Fruit would do it. Really? Yeah, not like a Bubblicious or that type of thing. Juicy Fruit was okay.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Yeah, it was alright. I like Big Red. Winter Fresh. I never liked Big Red. I had never liked Winter Fresh. I don't like Spearmint as a flavor. Yeah, it's okay. I think it's a bad I had never liked Winter Fresh. I don't like Spearmint as a flavor. Yeah, it's okay. I think it's a bad flavor.
Starting point is 00:58:06 Really? Bad flavor. I feel like they're all the same. Mint, Spearmint, Wintergreen. They're all the same. I went through a Wintergreen addiction for a couple years. Addiction? Yeah, everything Wintergreen.
Starting point is 00:58:18 No. Just popping mints nonstop. What about Junior Mints? Is that Wintergreen? Altoids? No. That's just regular mints. No, Wintergreen and Altoids? No. That's just regular mints. No, Wintergreen and Altoids
Starting point is 00:58:27 weren't good. Wintergreen Tic Tacs are incredible. Tic Tacs are good. And then there are like these I don't want to call them off-brand but like less popular mints.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Like the kind you'll buy at like Walgreens or CVS that'll be in like a bag. No. Mentos Spirit Mentos is pretty good. A bag of mints? You know what's really good
Starting point is 00:58:44 is the Mentos Candy. Yeah is pretty good A bag of mints You know what's really good is the mentos candy Yeah Like the fruity Oh yes yes yes You know what's really good I get those often Unfiltered cigarettes Yeah I've never had any
Starting point is 00:58:55 You haven't had just like a Marlboro Red But those are filtered No the Like a Marlboro That's filtered Or maybe I have Marlboro Red Marlboro Red is definitely Therelboro Reds, definitely. There's a filter on it.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Yes, you're fucking right. I've rolled cigarettes. Me and my friends used to roll cigarettes. Yeah, that's unfiltered. Yeah. And we would all feel it. You have had one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Actually, you know what's really good is High Noon. Yeah. A premium tequila seltzer that has a clean finish because it's made with a real blanco tequila and real juice. When I moved into my new apartment, I brought over some high noons. They're the only thing that was there. That's what I moved in first, the high noons. You crack it open when you have a new apartment, and it's like a new beginning.
Starting point is 00:59:37 The freshness of the high noon pairs well with the freshness of a new experience. And it is moving season for a lot of people right now. But whatever you're moving. Make sure that you're moving into a brand new case of High Noon Tequila Seltzers. They're awesome outdoor. Strawberry, lime, grapefruit. And don't sleep on the passion fruit. It tastes so pure.
Starting point is 01:00:00 One of the new and brightest flavors that people are adding to their palates. Every single day. High Noon is so damn good, I can't express it enough. You can find them at Drizzly or at your local convenience or liquor store, or you can visit highnoonspirits.com to find some sweet High Noons near you. Dude, my wife just has fucking shapes that she's moving. She just has fucking shapes that she's moving. She just has fucking shape. There's a circular thing on our coffee table, and there's just like four shapes on it.
Starting point is 01:00:33 And she just like rotates the shapes. And one of them's like a fucking oval with like things popping out of it. One of them's ceramic. One of them's metal. One of them's fucking a vase they're just like fucking random shapes that are just decor candles that you're not even supposed to light just fucking decor it's so dumb it's so necessary that like you need that shit to make a place look feel and have that uh womanly touch but it's like what the fuck are these shapes we just have boxes pounds and pounds of
Starting point is 01:01:05 these stupid fucking shapes i really cannot believe how much shit i have how much shit you just accumulate by living in a place for like four years i got nothing i got i still have uh still like my apartment's not even close to set up yeah it's just a couch i got an ottoman did you yeah that was a big one what kind just a big big leather one I got an ottoman. Did you? Yeah, that was a big one. What kind? Just a big, big leather one. I like an ottoman that you can rest a drink on that's so, like, densely packed that you can put a drink on it. This one, you could.
Starting point is 01:01:35 Yeah. But I'm more of a floor guy for that. Or ottomans that you can open up, use as storage. That's what mine is. Oh, yeah? Yeah. That's awesome. You got a blanket in there?
Starting point is 01:01:44 Trash. You hoard trash trash i don't put trash stomp it down i i live like a like i'm in squalor like today i washed a shirt in my shower and i hung it up i hung it up on the fire escape to dry oh man my tiktok gives me a stream of Mumbai, the slums of Mumbai. That's literally their move. I have a shirt, and I was like, I got to wash this because I'm out of clothes. And I got to bring my laundry, but my laundry place, it's really, the one that I moved, when I moved, I have to go to this new place, and it's slow. They're like, bring this back in two days.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Growing up, I resented my mom we had a washing machine but for some reason african women just for character building she would not let me wash my clothes in the washing machine so washing machine would just sit there just to wash like blankets and yeah and sheets i had to do all my laundry by hand no and the fucking thing was just sitting there why i've no building character you know you have to learn how that's building resentment learn how to survive yeah and i survive yeah apparently how long does that shit take to dry uh all day so you wash it in the morning yeah we have no dryers too so that's another thing so you ain't wearing that shirt tonight you dry it all day pretty much.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Leave it out in the sun. If it's real sunny, so like Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe isn't humid, so if it's real sunny, it'll take like three, four hours. That's not bad. That shit's going to dry. You need to ask your neighbors across the street if you can bow and arrow a line across and hang everything across the way. It's a good setup that I got going right now. I bet it'll be dry.
Starting point is 01:03:24 What do you mean you washed it in the shower? I washed it. a good setup that I got going right now. I bet it'll be dry. What do you mean you washed it in the shower? I washed it. Take it down to the Danube. Yeah. Take it down to the East River to wash it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:32 I washed it good, too. Like, the whole shirt you just, like, rubbed back and forth on itself with soap in it? Yeah, I was squeezing it. Soap everywhere. It was good.
Starting point is 01:03:41 It's clean. It's brand new clean. What the fuck is wrong with you, dude? Well, I just don't have time to bring it to the laundry. Yes, you do. I don't. Or get a laundry service to come and pick it up.
Starting point is 01:03:50 Hell no. I saw your fat ass wallet yesterday. You keep saying that. I have like $30 in my wallet. Every time I have any amount of cash, look how much cash you have. Yeah. It's no cash. You pocket watch me?
Starting point is 01:04:00 I'm going to pocket watch you right back. No, you pocket watch me. I'm pocket watching you back. Literally pocket watching. This is a quid pro quo pocket watch. I've never examined your wallet before. You definitely have. Oh, I'm going to pocket watch you right back. No, you pocket watch me. I'm pocket watching you back. Literally pocket watch me. This is a quid pro quo pocket watch. I've never examined your wallet before. You definitely have. Oh, I have.
Starting point is 01:04:09 You've gone through and plucked things out. Look at this ID. This is your address. Because you have like nine IDs in your wallet. See? How would you know that? How would you know that? Have you guys ever seen how many IDs Roan has?
Starting point is 01:04:21 I just keep my IDs in case I need backup. You have like 20 IDs from like different states. Yeah I'm like Jason Bourne. Crazy. And they're all from like the same year.
Starting point is 01:04:30 Yeah I'm like Jason Bourne. A bunch of different names. I dream of having a locker that has like fucking $20,000 and 50 different currencies
Starting point is 01:04:39 a bunch of different passports and a fucking Glock. That's the fucking dream. I know. I gotta get a strap. I know. I gotta get a strap. I've been dying
Starting point is 01:04:47 to get a strap. Do you think being an air marshal would be cool? You just fly in the plane and you be done? You can't drink. You can't drink. You can't tell people
Starting point is 01:04:53 that you're an air marshal. What do they tell people then? They just, they're supposed to just blend in like everyone else. And there's one on every plane? No. There's one,
Starting point is 01:05:02 I think we looked it up. It was like 2% of flights. They used to act like there was one on every plane. I think that's one, I think we looked it up, it was like 2% of flights. It used to act like there was one on every plane. I think that's why the whole idea is like, you don't know, you're like, oh, maybe it's on this flight. Like, no one knows. Look it up. It's like a very low percentage of people are on flights that have an air marshal on them. It's probably flights that are like long, like long. I bet Boston to LA maybe.
Starting point is 01:05:28 I don't think when I fly from here to fucking Rochester there's an air marshal on the flight. There's three people on the flight. Fewer than 1%. So if there's an air marshal on the flight that that woman freaked out, what is the air marshal doing? Is he arresting
Starting point is 01:05:44 her? He kills her. People die on flights. What is the air marshal doing? Is he arresting her? He kills her. He would die on flights. I don't know. What's the law? I guess they're grounded. I think it's more for terrorist attacks than it is white women yelling about how people aren't real. I was so tired of people being like, day 10, we still haven't found her. Yeah. Maybe she had a fucking psychotic breakdown because she mixed her anti-anxiety medicines with alcohol at the airport and doesn't want to be found.
Starting point is 01:06:14 Maybe she's living under a rock somewhere because it's horrifying to watch yourself on camera like that. People are like CGI-ing bikinis onto her. Oh, really? I didn't see that. Oh my gosh. He took over the internet. I think that there's just an understanding on airports, especially if you're in like the first, like 10 rows of it,
Starting point is 01:06:34 of the plane. If you have an aisle seat, you have to be ready to Oklahoma drill somebody that goes running for a door. Really? Someone comes running up for a door. Don't you feel like you got to be the guy that goes into the aisle? You're 6'3", and you weigh 200 pounds. You have to be the guy.
Starting point is 01:06:49 You have to size everybody up and be like, hey, I have to be the guy that even if it kills me, I have to try and truck sick this dude. Yeah, but I think it's pretty hard to open the door, right? I don't think it's that easy of a task. I think it's pretty easy. They're always like, pull it left, pull down the red lever, and you're good to go. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:07:07 It can't be that hard, because what if there's an emergency? I guess, yeah. I think they're just really trusting everybody. No, there's no way it's that easy. I've never flown first class, but is that an understanding amongst passengers? No. Well, I mean, first class... First class, well, they don't lift those fingers.
Starting point is 01:07:24 First class, it breaks off, and it's a different flight. Oh, I mean, first class. First class, well, they don't lift those fingers. Well, it's the first eight rows, right? First class, it breaks off and is a different flight. Oh, so you mean the first eight rows of business class or whatever? I don't know. I just have – there was a dude recently. There was a video where a guy – I tried to open up the – Yeah, he started rushing to the front, and two or three guys were just like – and they didn't even look – they weren't like the most brolic dudes.
Starting point is 01:07:43 They didn't look like air marshals. They were just like, I'm not, I'm about to Mark Wahlberg this situation. Take over. You've never thought of that? You've never been like, I will stop a terrorist if one comes here. Dude, every time I want to plant them in a row, like 35. Well, you could cowboy collar tackle them though. It's not illegal in the
Starting point is 01:08:05 air i mean i wouldn't know what's going on until they're probably at the door 35 is like i'm like 35 to 40 every flight it's the safest part of the plane literally it is there's no terrorists back there and if it crashes like we're the only ones that have a chance of surviving you think so yeah first class is first to go. They don't even find the remains of her. They don't even find body parts and clothing. Yeah. You guys turn to dust.
Starting point is 01:08:33 Stop talking about you guys. You fly first class exclusively. That's not true. That's not true at all. I would fucking, I would love to. Rowan was bummed the other day because he found out that he might not be able to fly private anymore. What? What's going on? To rough and rowdy. I was love to. Rowan was bummed the other day because he found out that he might not be able to fly private anymore. What? What's going on?
Starting point is 01:08:46 To Ruffin Rowdy. I was fucking devastated. Everyone's going to be coming from Chicago instead of me. When Dave was here, it was like, okay, you just hop on Dave's flight. He left, then Big Cat still has enough cachet where it's like, send the pen plane over. Because it's a pain in the ass to get to whatever airport it is, right? Yes. And it was like, it was always one hour.
Starting point is 01:09:03 It's like a four-hour drive from the airport. Yeah. It's terrible. And like it was always one hour it's like a four hour drive from the airport yeah it's terrible and the flights literally were one hour like i would be home before midnight like i would get a buzz at rough and rowdy and like the buzz wouldn't wear off by the time that i was landing i did that drive i did that drive with uh the bennetts and um the whole mean girls team oh i forgot you were part of that squad. Yeah, I don't know how I fucked up. You and Graham were shit-faced together. You and Graham were fucking wasted. That drive back to the airport was one of my lower moments.
Starting point is 01:09:35 You could have drove, though, right? I should not have been behind the wheel. I don't even know if they know that all of our lives were in danger that day. Just like 10 and 2 being like, oh my, I cannot believe this car is moving right now. You were deeply bombed. I just remember being in Caleb's room at like 6 a.m. being like, dude, let's go to fucking Nashville right now.
Starting point is 01:10:04 You were going to? They went. They all went. Why didn't you go? Because I was like, I'm not going to fucking Nashville, dude. I got to go home. But you didn't have to go home. I did.
Starting point is 01:10:15 It was Sunday. No, you didn't. I got shit to do. Nothing. I mean, the period of your life where you don't have any family or like a wife or like a girlfriend tying you down, you can just go someplace and just or like a wife or like a girlfriend tying you down you can just go someplace and just be like yeah like it doesn't matter if I just go
Starting point is 01:10:30 to this place it's such a fun and adventurous it does because I have a job and I had shows that night no it doesn't matter you can't just skip all that stuff yes you can oh you can't where is everybody today then just skipping all that stuff yeah dude literally we're on a show with seven other people
Starting point is 01:10:45 and they're all just doing other shit right now. They're all broke asses. Yeah, exactly. Trying to get my money right. Exactly. La, la, la. Sass has become a pocket watcher. I am a pocket watcher.
Starting point is 01:11:01 Yeah. I think everyone should be a pocket watcher. Like, you want to know. You want to know, but. I'm constantly asking people, where are you making all your money? I mean, that is a brand of TikTok. Yeah. How much does your apartment cost?
Starting point is 01:11:15 How much do you make? Yeah. What is your job exactly? And what is the salary of that job? What did you start? And how long have you been working there? What's the starting salary there? You can't tell me nothing, right?
Starting point is 01:11:27 100K. 100K off the rip. It's his birthday today. He's having some day beers. Oh, fuck yeah. Happy birthday, Nicky. Nicky smokes his? Yeah, he's trying to get blacked out by 3 p.m. he said.
Starting point is 01:11:39 Let's go. On a Thursday? W. The club's going up On a Thursday? W. The club's going up. On a Thursday. Thursday? Day three? Huh?
Starting point is 01:11:52 Day three on the job. Day three? Oh, Kareem is... I thought it was George Niang for a second. Fucking every year. Every fucking year with this team. Can't even make it two days through fucking training camp without someone getting hurt. I don't like a beer where you can't see the other side of the beer.
Starting point is 01:12:13 This team hasn't done shit in 23 years. No playoff wins. No fucking nothing. Nothing since they left the fucking Orange Bowl. That's a thick beer. That's like an orange juice. I want a beer that a bird could fly into.
Starting point is 01:12:27 I'm just fucking mad at myself for thinking this year is different. And maybe it still will be. But god damn, man. This team can't catch a fucking break. Seems like he's grinding. Content? I fucking hate it here, dude.
Starting point is 01:12:44 I fucking hate it here, dude. I fucking hate it here. First off, the beer is part of the content. On my fucking birthday, too. Where's fucking birthday? On my fucking birthday, too. I think I'm going to just black out by 3 o'clock. Sounds like some shit that Drake would say. Don't trade my favorite player on my birthday.
Starting point is 01:13:03 On my birthday, too. On my fucking birthday. player on my birthday on my birthday too out of my fucking birthday it's my birthday month too i can't believe all this shit is going down in my birthday month you know that kareem worked under dave there was definitely someone like on 9-11 they were like not on my fucking birthday week damn it's my fucking birthday month I was supposed to fly this week. Ah, damn it, bro. Yeah, are people going to get mad about that, that video? Obviously. If Kareem's talking about it, people already are being like, I mean, they're, didn't that lose like, or like Bailey Carlin and Reggie had like airport beers or something like that?
Starting point is 01:13:41 Yeah, they were like termies. Yeah. And then Erica was like, turn that fucking plane around send them home get the air get the air marshal on the phone right now turn that plane around oh my god i didn't really i never really understood that the the getting sent home for drinking at the airport. I think it was a culture tone setting. I think they were also very new too, maybe like first week or two on the job. It was because Reggie was stealing stuff.
Starting point is 01:14:14 Yeah, Reggie was stealing. He was stealing stuff? Oh, yeah. That guy was a bad guy. He was bad. He was a troublemaker. Let's keep it a buck. That guy was a bad guy. He was bad. He was a troublemaker. Let's keep it a buck. That guy was a bad guy.
Starting point is 01:14:26 We've covered the tracks of a troublemaker for too long. He was doing unspeakable things. And Bailey Carlin, he just wanted to have a fucking hazy. He just wanted to have fun. He just wanted to have one hazy. He just wanted to make his brain bigger. The guy lived. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:43 I think if you're in the airport on a work day and you have a delay, I think it's okay to have a fucking hazy. He just wanted to make his brain bigger. Let the guy live. I think if you're in the airport on a work day and you have a delay, I think it's okay to have a fucking hazy. What are you supposed to do? Wait a second. I had a beer with lunch today. Did you? Fire him. You had a beer with lunch today? What time? 10am?
Starting point is 01:14:58 12. You just cracked a beer? Where? Across the street. What? With who?? Across the street. What? With who? I mean, a buddy. Oh, okay. You made it sound like you were just sitting at your desk, and you're like, I'm just going to have a fucking IPA right now.
Starting point is 01:15:12 No, I got wings, so I got another one. Nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. Are you European? It's domestic. No, but like the lifestyle. The idea of having a beer with lunch. Yes, yes, yes yes yes yes yes i think that it should be like first
Starting point is 01:15:28 off he could have made that video without people knowing he was drinking which would have been weirder and more problematic if he was just like secretly drinking making the video he brought the beer into frame and then sipped it and then he said i'm going to get blacked out before noon which he also made as part of the video so So he's using this as part of content. Didn't John Rich do that? Yeah. And then he was like secretly getting blacked out at work. And then he fired off emails to Dave and now he runs the rundown.
Starting point is 01:15:56 Yeah, true. It works. That was the best. Our best episodes of this show are where we drink. Yeah. It would be like weirdly like hypocritical for us to be like fire him it's not the fucking barstool way yeah but there's just a weird gatekeeper thing that people people early on do or i don't know people just maybe don't like him i don't know who nicky yeah
Starting point is 01:16:20 oh i don't know seems like fans are nasty to. But I think they're nasty to everyone that's new. Because he got, yeah. There's never been someone that gets hired that they're like, this is a good hire. Like, this guy's going to fucking destroy the entire company. This guy's living my dream. It's a dream job to work here. Yeah. I never had the hate for other people that worked here when it was my dream.
Starting point is 01:16:45 I never have had the hate for people that work here ever. Lie. No, I don't give a shit. Who's your least favorite person here? No one. I genuinely don't think about any of that.
Starting point is 01:16:58 Like sometimes like, that's actually such a lie. I'm just blatantly lying right now. No, but no one, I would say no one in new york no one like no one like like definitely not anyone on the yak no one really out there like it's usually people who like i know make like three hundred thousand dollars more than me and they don't do anything that pissed me off right yeah that is what pisses you off yeah because i'm a pocket watcher yeah no i was but i understand it's uh yeah whatever but competition is the whatever thief of joy and whatever stupid ass fucking phrase i'm not like leaving here like
Starting point is 01:17:42 fucking thinking about that shit. You know? I'm pretty easy at separating that stuff from my life. Just when you get a beer at lunch. When I crack open
Starting point is 01:17:52 that first beer that's all out the window. It is fun to drink at work. This is one of the jobs where you can do it. Yeah. I don't think that it should be that big of a deal.
Starting point is 01:18:01 I don't know. What does the rest of Kareem's blog say? I would probably say getting blackout at your job on day three is probably not the best idea. I haven't read the blog. I wasn't aware of this.
Starting point is 01:18:12 But everyone fucks up in the beginning. I fucked up. I texted Gaz on my second week here and I was like, hey, I'm going to Martha's Vineyard for the week. I want to use my vacation days. He was like, no. He texted me back and he was like, you can't get, he's like, you can't use your vacation
Starting point is 01:18:27 days the first week you're here. And I was like, all right, that makes sense. Gaz is moving here. What? Did you know that? He did say see you in September. He's getting an Airbnb for like four months. Am I not supposed to?
Starting point is 01:18:43 I feel like we've talked about it. I think we have talked about it, but he's moving to New York City? Yes. Really? Yes. And he's going to come into the office. Keep track of shit? I think that's what he does. He must have met someone. Yeah, 100%. That was my first thought.
Starting point is 01:18:58 That was definitely my first thought. Oh yeah, he met someone. You're going to see if it's working out. It's probably Alex Earl. Who's Alex Earl? Who was the girl at the surf lodge? Alex Earl.
Starting point is 01:19:13 Alex Earl, the girl at the surf lodge who was hot-mouthed in the 17-year-old? Oh, yeah. The 17-year-old was her version of the alien announcement,
Starting point is 01:19:23 and she was using that to disguise from the fact that she's secretly dating Gaz. He's going to move to New York because of that. Do the Giants have a new sideline reporter? Do they? I'm just asking. They probably do. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:19:40 I see the antennas up, and I fucking respect it. I big time respect it. I big time respect it. God damn. I haven't seen Gaz in a while. Yeah, I haven't seen him in a couple days. It's all about to change, buddy. Did he not tell you about this?
Starting point is 01:19:56 I'm sure he did, Roan. He probably had a meeting with Roan and he'd be like, tell Sass about this. We were ripping fucking shots, bro. You know what fucking time it is. Yeah, ripping PEDs. No, he's never done a PED in his life. You hear that? What?
Starting point is 01:20:10 Gaz told Roan that he's never done a PED in his entire life. Why would Gaz do a PED? You know what I mean. A partying PED. Oh, okay. Roan believes him. That's the worst part about it. He told me man to man.
Starting point is 01:20:25 Why would Gaz lie about that? I trust Gaz. We were having a side, taking a shot, just talking about life, and he told me that. Ow. Why would he lie in that scenario?
Starting point is 01:20:38 Stock stuff? I don't know. Shame. No, because if he had done it, we would just keep it a secret together hell no way more noteworthy you can't keep a secret for shit
Starting point is 01:20:49 yeah right dude I'm the crypt keeper of secrets hell no I got dirt on everybody I know about his chili's order I know about his fucking secret day of drinking in the office I know everything
Starting point is 01:20:59 that anybody has and I never would crack I never would fucking break I never would fucking break. That's a fucking promise. New York is going to be so fucking sick, dude. It is crazy, dude. There's no one here. No, but there is a ton of people.
Starting point is 01:21:15 You guys are all leaving? Yeah. That's crazy. Zah, when do you move? End of August. I actually have to show somebody my apartment today. Sorry, you're going out a single, man? Yeah, bro. A single is a $2 bill, man.
Starting point is 01:21:32 It actually makes my life so much easier. I don't know if I can say this right. I'm helping Che out. I'm going to drive his second car for him. My brother and I are going to take his second car out there for him. Fuck you. I love. That's awesome.
Starting point is 01:21:46 How'd you ask him that, Che? He was telling me his moving plans and that he was going to rent a car. And I was like, oh, if you want a car, you can have mine. Have? Yeah, for her. The move? Yeah. That's good shit.
Starting point is 01:21:57 That's nice. Damn. So I wonder what the dating scene is going to be like in the Chi in the wintertime. Cuffing season is going to be different in that cold. You got to get in the igloo. Bundle up. Bundle your ass up. How does an igloo work? All the body heat keeps it warm.
Starting point is 01:22:16 You have to piss on one another. But it's ice, right? Or snow? But it's very insulated. Never been in an igloo? If built properly. No, I've never been in an igloo, but I think that's how it works. And also you crawl in and out of a little hole in one of the, I guess, on a side. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:34 I don't understand how that's warm. It probably defends from the wind and the elements that way. And it probably, since the ice can be so leveled, shorn off that it probably fits together really nicely, acts as insulation. Like the ice, like it doesn't matter how warm your insulation is as long as it's insulation. Like you don't have asbestos that's piping hot in your
Starting point is 01:22:56 house or that pink shit they put in the walls. Like that's not hot in and of itself. It's just that fact that it's insulating you. But it's not cold. Snow itself is cold. It's got to be 32 or below, yeah? Facts, facts. Yeah, but I don't think snow... They're probably still pretty cold.
Starting point is 01:23:11 I don't think if you're not touching... Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But it's just less cold than just being bare to the elements. Okay, all right. I bet the insulation really heats it up, though. Can they have fires in igloos the way that they can in teepees? I think so. No way.
Starting point is 01:23:23 Yeah. Have you ever seen those, like, big-ass igloos the way that they can in teepees? No way. Yeah. Have you ever seen those big-ass igloos? Probably not. TJ, let's see a fucking big-ass igloo. What's a big-ass igloo with a fireplace? I want to see a big-ass igloo. That's my dream right now. Holy cow.
Starting point is 01:23:36 Oh, well, that's we built an igloo. This is some appropriators. I need the Inuit. This looks pretty big. You ain't lighting a fire on that. No, that one's pretty small. Yeah, like these are the ones I'm thinking of. It's got a wood door.
Starting point is 01:23:53 Hot tub. That can't be real, yeah. Yeah, that's not an igloo. That dog comes with the owl. Alright, I know where I'm going on my next vacay. Dude, that's sick. Until you got a girl complaining about the cold the whole time.
Starting point is 01:24:11 Wait, what kind of dog is that? Husky? Samoyed. What? What was that noise? Samoyed. S-M-A-O-Y-E-D. Samoyed.
Starting point is 01:24:22 Incredibly high maintenance, and sometimes they die randomly. Really? Yeah. My friend had a couple of them. They gotta be like the British royal family just inbred
Starting point is 01:24:30 to be. Sleeping in a luxury igloo. Whoa. From there it was a short walk down to the village. We made it!
Starting point is 01:24:39 The village itself was so impressive like a little snow hotel. Snowtel if you will. First thing we saw when we walked in was conveniently the bar, which was built out of ice.
Starting point is 01:24:48 It was wild. The entire structure was built out of snow. I'm obsessed with snow. Needless to say, I was in heaven. So there are 11 igloos all connected to each other in our hallway. We managed to preserve the one and only igloo suite, which means not only was it the biggest, but it also had its own private hot tub. This is our bedroom.
Starting point is 01:25:05 Our bed is surrounded by these blocks of ice. There's an air mattress. Right, but it's freezing in there. We have our own hot tub. Yeah, she's bundled up inside. We have a hot tub in an igloo. We also have our own private bathroom. That's an actual toilet.
Starting point is 01:25:16 We even have air freshener. Okay, let's drink. Outside of the igloos was a communal area where they served us a bath. I don't want my plumbing made out of snow. There's a heat wave and your shit just seeps into your walls. Fuck that.
Starting point is 01:25:28 That sounds fucking terrible. But how about like a like a This is like a good homemade one. Minus 20. Yeah, that's gotta be fucking freezing in there. Bring some freaks back to your igloo though. Yeah, that's gotta be fucking freezing in there.
Starting point is 01:25:45 Bring some freaks back to your igloo, though? Yeah. Where do you live? What, is he starting a fire? Okay. Okay! You gotta really trust, like, the structure on that ice. If that falls, you are getting killed.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Yeah. Yeah. Instantly. Yeah, it's ice. How did they. I wonder how they packed the snow in that other one. I guess if it's negative 20 though. Well that probably smells so good. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:19 This is like the old time hockey account. If I was in a scenario like this I'd just go with like fucking burgers. I wouldn't be trying to come up with making sauce from scratch. What's the best cut of this rib?
Starting point is 01:26:36 Those videos of people in the woods cooking and they're making a salad dressing from scratch. Dude, maybe just skip the salad. If it's going to be that much work. They're like shaving down a mushroom. Whoa, that looks crazy.
Starting point is 01:26:54 Look at those northern lights. That's pretty cool. I'm proven wrong. Very cool. See, it's fucking dope to get an igloo. Almost as dope as theactor, which I love. Factor, now that we're in the thick of summer, you might be looking for some wholesome, convenient meals
Starting point is 01:27:15 to support sunny, active days. I mean, Factor has to be your go-to, ready-to-eat meal kit. They can help you fuel up fast with flavorful, nutritious, ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door. You'll save time. You will eat well. You will stay on track to reaching your goals. When I've had Factor before, if it was just plated in front of me, I would have no idea that it got to me how it got to me and that it was prepared how it was prepared in that it's high quality ingredients fresh tasting meals it's succulent it's unctuous it's delightful food fresh never frozen meals ready in just two minutes it's very straightforward we just put in our
Starting point is 01:27:58 factor orders i can't wait to get mine sass I know you're excited to get your Factor order over at your apartment. Big time. Head to factormeals.com slash yak50. Use code yak50 to get 50% off. That's code yak50 at factormeals.com slash yak50 to get 50% off. I'm dead serious. I think that Factor has the best quick meals in the game right now. It's delicious.
Starting point is 01:28:23 It tastes so freaking good is what makes me fucking that excited about it. Yo, Che, you're on the Jumbotron over there, man. You're on the big screen. Oh, now it's me. Oh, now it's the little Sasquatch.
Starting point is 01:28:34 I was showing case freeze. Now they're showing the basketball game. It's a hot fucking... Are we doing another... Is there a basketball game this year? Thumbs up from TJ? Woo-hoo!
Starting point is 01:28:47 Who is the... I thought there was some shit that we had to do. I don't know. What? I feel like I cleared my schedule for two things. We had, like, the case race that week, and then we had something else. Award show? No, because that's the same week as the case race.
Starting point is 01:29:03 Whoa. You see that? No, I mean... Everything else would be that week. It's just all that week? Yeah. Could be something in your personal life? No, it was definitely something for the Yak. But maybe it's just not happening.
Starting point is 01:29:18 Can we talk about that? We talked about that, right? What? That week? Yes, a little bit. Yeah, so Monday we'll tape a regular show here. No I know like we had
Starting point is 01:29:27 the case race. Monday night case race. Then the fucking award show. I thought we had something like Say again TJ? I'm supposed to be
Starting point is 01:29:35 in a meeting about that one minute ago. Fuck. I thought we had something like like August 4th or something like that. Metallica concert. I'm going tyler children's that week hmm we got demar derosen coming on that oh yeah nice i mean you
Starting point is 01:29:55 gotta ask about the daughter oh yeah that changed everything great call great call che that's why chat gpt could never replace you on the fucking... ChatGPT doesn't know about that shit. ChatGPT stopped learning shit two years ago. TMAC interview was very interesting. He was a lot more uncensored than I would have thought. Because I do know him from, like, obviously his playing days, but, like, his ESPN NBA TV stints. He was pretty buttoned up, but he was just, like,
Starting point is 01:30:24 letting the cusses fly. Oh, yeah, he was off the yak. He was pretty buttoned up, but he was just like letting the cusses fly. Oh, yeah. He was off the yak. He was good. He was fucking crushing it. Yeah. We got D'Angelo Russell coming out. And then DeMar DeRozan.
Starting point is 01:30:39 We're fucking cranking this shit out. Damn, bro. This shit is meta. DeMar next week? Yeah. And then someone else meta. Tomorrow, next week? Yeah. All right. Then someone else at the end of next week. We're just cranking shit out, dude. No more Yak.
Starting point is 01:30:53 It's going to have to freaking focus on other things, you know? Totally. Now that we've been ripped from the fucking flesh of this show, amputated from the Yak, just completely cut out. Breaks my fucking heart what they're doing to us. What can you do? Just take our L. Everything you have for two years and then they just rip it away
Starting point is 01:31:11 from you. Just take our L and fucking eat it. So where's the game going to be this year, TJ? Tritown. No way. So we're not going to that. Skip. Hard skip. Yeah, can't go to that. Skip. Hard skip. Yeah, I can't go to that.
Starting point is 01:31:28 Not if I've got to fly regular. Can't fly private anymore. Maybe Dave's coming from the Hamptons, though. Maybe he's coming from Montauk. What do you think he's going to do with a fucking layover? He's still in Saratoga. But that's not by the fucking time that... I mean, it's not like next week.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Yeah, he'll fly right from Montauk. He's got to spend half the year in not like next week. Yeah, he'll fly right from Montauk. He's got to spend half the year in Florida. Yeah, but he's going to fly right from Montauk. Why would he fucking do a layover for me here, right, Seth? He's not going to give me that sweet fucking short ride. Absolutely not. The gravy train is dried up for your boy. All right, should we spin the wheel?
Starting point is 01:32:05 All right, let's spin the wheel. TJ's got to get to this meeting. If it's Carbone, it's only us guys. Connor's in here too. I know. Damn it. We can still get Carbone. Alright.
Starting point is 01:32:20 Alright. Alright. I'm off to YAC. You going anywhere this weekend? Nope. I'm in New York. Nice. You got spots?
Starting point is 01:32:36 Yep. Where at? The Stand. In Chelsea Music Hall. What the fuck is that? I don't know. I guess The Stand's booking it now. Who booked it?
Starting point is 01:32:47 The stand. The booker from the stand texted me and asked if I could do two shows there. Really? So is that the new hot spot for comedy in the city?
Starting point is 01:32:56 I don't know. I haven't done it. I don't know anything about it. How big is it? I don't know. Okay. Alright, dry. Alrighty.
Starting point is 01:33:05 Alright. Tomorrow, I don't know. Okay. All right, dry. All righty. All right. Tomorrow, there'll be something. We'll figure it out. There'll be some sort of show. Some shit like that. But, hey, thanks for rocking with us. Give a thumbs up to this video if you made it through the entire video. And comment.
Starting point is 01:33:24 What's a good word for them to comment if they made it to the end? Let's read some of the comments tomorrow if we're doing it from here. But I want them to comment a word so they know. How about osteoporosis? Comment osteoporosis if you made it to the end of the show.
Starting point is 01:33:40 Like this video. Subscribe to Son of a Boy Dad too. Yeah. Because that's what this show is pretty much alright alright see you guys next week
Starting point is 01:33:52 or tomorrow but we'll see you guys but we'll see you guys soon alright We'll see you next time. Bye.

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