The Yak - Steven Cheah Wipes Like a Madman | The Yak 10-18-23

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Catch your breath, BrandonYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello! Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. That's Yak. Hello, everyone. Hello, everyone. Roback.com. Promo code Yak.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Yak. Promo code Yak. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Promo code Yak. 20% off. First purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, andback.com promo code yak 20 off first purchase accusers polos hoodies
Starting point is 00:00:47 joggers and shorts hello everyone this is uh t minus three days of the last of the limbo we've passed inspection we're gonna be in our new studio on monday we're exiting purgatory finally happening i'm so excited. We have Fellow Friday on Friday, but this is the third to last show in this weird setup where I can't see half of the show. Is Tommy down there? Yeah, I'm over here.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Hey, what's up, Tommy? Hey, Kat. How are you? This hasn't been conducive to flowing of conversation. Are these microphones... I think we should ask T. We should stop. Do these microphones work? Is the stream working? Before we get too far into this. Brandon and Titus, a little salty about some
Starting point is 00:01:31 stuff that happened. We got nine minutes in before the audio worked this morning of Mostly Sports. Wait, so you guys were just doing a show with nothing? Yeah, it sounded like it was on underwater. Yeah, and this is just a fact. This is not me pointing the finger anywhere, just stating facts. There was one person in this office who was not involved with our show,
Starting point is 00:01:50 and then when all the audio went to shit, I looked around the office, and I couldn't find him anymore. And then when the audio was fixed, we found him sitting back in the chair. And I won't name his name because then, you know, we're pointing fingers, but I just thought that was – Rico Bosco. Well, if you're going to name it. Do you think he did that?
Starting point is 00:02:15 It's diabolical. You know what this is? This is a Zoloft. I like that. This is a Zoloft. That was literally the Zoloft when he was just going like this. Medicated Brandon. No, be careful. Be is the Zoloft. That was literally the Zoloft when he was just going like this. Dedicated Brandon. Yep.
Starting point is 00:02:25 No. Be careful. Be careful. Zoloft. Careful, Brandon, with that. He puts his hand up, and then he's like, and then he looks up, and he's like, oh, Zoloft. I think it might be too late. Do you guys have some sort of beef or something?
Starting point is 00:02:40 Let's just say that Brandon and Rico. There's a one way beef. I have Rico and Brandon's relationship might be more complicated than Israel and Palestine. No, no, no. It's like to,
Starting point is 00:02:54 to, I'd have to sit someone down and go through just hours. This is a one way beef. I, I have said nothing in this current, uh, war. I've said nothing and we'll say nothing.
Starting point is 00:03:04 So from the case race? Same thing? That was when it got really fiery. Yeah. But I thought we apologized and shook hands at night and it was over. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is not how it works, my friend. But that's how I do things. I once pushed Devlin. Five minutes
Starting point is 00:03:20 later, we shook hands. It was over forever. Oh, that was because Dave was like, you're fired if you don't. America got involved in that yeah america got involved still shook his hand and like hey cut it out once it was over it was over to me it's over i have not fired one one round in this and will not so zoloft zoloft. Zoloft. Okay. We were sitting down. Donnie sat down, and he told us something that I really want to hear about. You used to be a pranker? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:54 So I worked for this video production company out in China, and they were like, you need to create some new content so we can try to sell it. How about a prank show? And I was like, it's going to prank show um and i was like it's gonna be kind of weird just like a white guy out there just pranking chinese people you didn't even say it was chinese well this was out in china yeah that makes sense yeah yeah yeah so yeah i was forced a lot of chinese in china a lot of chinese in china i was forced to do this for probably like five months it was not a good experience but you, you know, I was getting paid for it.
Starting point is 00:04:27 So, you know. So what were the pranks? Do we have any of the videos? Yes, we do. Oh. Watching videos. One of these pranks, I can send it to TJ. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:37 I want Nikki Smokes and Megan making money to recreate it on the street outside the office. But this is probably the cringiest piece of content i have ever made oh man so all those i felt so bad people accidentally dying that pop up on my twitter those are probably yeah so that's yours yeah do they not censor like prank videos there i feel like they censor so much um what no well a really weird thing is like that's a fair after a while i was like can we just have chinese people start to do these pranks because i feel weird just like being this white guy fucking with chinese wait so you were pranking and being the producer um yeah we we had i had like a friend filming and but uh so i tried to get a chinese
Starting point is 00:05:24 person involved in the pranks. And the moment he did his first prank, they called the cops. So when like the American was doing a prank, they're like, Oh, it's like a weird white guy acting strange. And like, they didn't really care. But the moment, like, like a fellow Chinese person tried to fuck with them, they were just like, all right, you were under arrest.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Wait, this isn't part of the same because my favorite video, old school video you did was when you got hired to give a talk about, what was it, the talk about again? Oh, yeah. You literally got hired as like an expert on something. Yeah. As a PhD, I was hired to give a talk about the benefits of NADP, which is a chemical that can slow down aging. You gave a talk like you didn't know shit. Yeah, they flew me out to a Chinese nursing home and I gave like a whole PowerPoint presentation. And then I got paid like 400 bucks or something.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Yeah, that video was so fucking funny. And they all were sitting there like, yeah, this guy's making a lot of sense. There used to be a lot of those gigs. So what is their perception of white dudes? They're just like their gods. They can do whatever they want? Yeah, my first four years out there, they were kind of just like, all right, just let the foreigners do their own thing. As long as they're not involving Chinese people, we don't really care.
Starting point is 00:06:42 But the whiteface gigs came from that. Chinese companies thought that if they had a foreign employee they would seem more legit got it and so they would just hire random white dudes to pretend to be some like doctor or international expert and things like that so i had i gave one talk at a fertility clinic. And they were just like, yeah, just tell them, like, you're our foreign consultant. So, like, I went up and I was like, we'll get you knocked up in no time. Dropping all these lines. I don't even know if they could understand English.
Starting point is 00:07:20 So, like, it didn't really matter what I said. They just, like, wanted to trot out a white guy. You were the face of whatever it was. You were a token white guy. Yes. You were the token white guy. You were the face of whatever it was. You were token white guy. Yes. You were the token white guy. That used to be very valuable in China. Every company wanted one token white guy. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:07:32 I could have done that show forever. I sent you the clip, TJ, though. Is that a shot? Oh, my God. This is well produced. That's it? Oh no! What a moron!
Starting point is 00:07:54 No! Oh! Poor guy! I know, it was like... Monkey King. So you have like a cute girl waving a guy and he thinks she's waving at him but just the whole aspect of like me being white that being chinese just makes it
Starting point is 00:08:28 so much so much worse you're like their white devil dude i know oh no she's doing the like come here oh here he comes oh Oh, no. I felt so bad. God is ass. God is ass. And aren't there way more dudes in China? So it's like a big deal to have a hot lady waving you over.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Oh, another white guy. White on white. Seeing Donnie like in the background sneaking up on him is the funniest part. This one's not funny. It's funnier when they're talking. This is like the most benign prank, but it's kind of cruel. It's very cruel. The reason we did it is I was like, oh no.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Some of these guys have probably never recovered from this. Yeah. And the only reason we did it is just because it was the easiest thing to film. We didn't need any props or anything. No words exchanged. Look, this whole group's getting reeled in. Oh no, they're all coming.
Starting point is 00:09:44 She's calling for the bukkake comes donnie oh look how hopeful he looks oh no oh yeah all right we gotta watch more yeah yeah yes I got one more. This one I was a fan of. It's a Windex prank. Okay. I don't know how. Nikki Smokes could do this one as well.
Starting point is 00:10:16 We do have to recreate this. Oh, that's like a Pete Davidson. Oh, is this like the drinking mayonnaise thing? Hello. Is this better? Dude, you're like a milk boy. This isn't for drinking. Not bad! Not bad!
Starting point is 00:10:48 This is not for drinking! Mine! Mine! Hahahaha What was in it? Oh, it was just Gatorade. Oh... But they thought some dude was trying to commit suicide in their grocery store.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Thanks, Made in China. Is this even a prank? I don't know what you would call this. A social experiment? Yeah. Victimless prank. Because everyone's just like, wait, don't do that, dude. But they're not really doing anything. Stop drinking Windex.
Starting point is 00:11:29 It's for cleaning. Is this another white guy? Uh, yes. Oh, just voy a wash the window? Oh, this stuff is great. No? Yeah. Wash the window? What's he doing there? This stuff is great. This is not drink. No? Yeah, this is not drink.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Why? You said in English that you can drink. Drink it. There's no such thing as you can drink in English. This is not drink. Why? This is not drink. I love it. We gotta recreate this, too. Yeah, but it was a really demoralizing experience filming those pranks.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Wait, so how long did you work for this prank company? It was a prank company? No, they were trying to be a content company. Right. But they were like, a prank show is the cheapest first show to get off the ground. That's incredible. How long did you work for them? Five months, you said?
Starting point is 00:12:46 I worked for them for probably a year, but I was only after, like, four months of doing the pranks. I was like, I have to stop. And right after I stopped, they found someone else to do them. That guy got arrested because he did a zombie prank on the subway in China. Do we have that video? Let's see if they have it so he pretended to become a zombie on a zombie on like a crowded chinese subway car and they thought it was like he
Starting point is 00:13:13 had some sort of infectious disease or something oh my god it was covid before covid they don't fuck with that dude holy shit he started to like cough up blood and then he had this crazy makeup and was like i'm a zombie and he started a riot in the and then he had this crazy makeup and was like, I'm a zombie. And he started a riot in the subway. That's a pretty good prank. Yeah, it is a good prank. That's the best prank ever. Anytime police are involved, that prank rules.
Starting point is 00:13:35 And then, oh, yep, I found it. So this guy ended up doing four days in jail. Is that it? Is that it right there? Amazing zombie prank? Yeah, it's the Subway zombie prank. Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lee Lee Lee, aka Rice Man. This is Victor, and now we're going to show you our Subway prank. Don't forget to subscribe to Mama Who Group.
Starting point is 00:13:55 These are the Chinese Nelk Boys. This is awesome. Rice Man. Like us on Facebook, Instagram, WeChat. Which one's Rice Man? The guy with the Go Eat Some Rice shirt? Oh, my God. Yeah, so this was all pre-COVID. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:17 This is just to set up the prank, showing him. The cinematography's great. All right, so then... Oh, boy. Monkey King. Monkey monkey came that was the name of the prank show yeah no this is not a prank this is like joshy crock spilling cereal oh yeah i Oh remember Josh and Crocs? He's just causing mass hysteria. What the fuck? This is super fucked up up So I was asked to do this And I was like no I'm not doing this I love that he doesn't stop
Starting point is 00:15:11 Like if this was me at this point I'd be like just a prank yeah Like it gets to this level I'd be like oh shit alright we should stop He's like fuck it I'm committed He's got the whole fucking subway cleared out He just keeps By the way if this happened in like New York City No one would bat an eye
Starting point is 00:15:26 Yeah They'd just be like whatever I love the in parenthesis social experiment Yeah Yeah what is the social experiment It's not bad it's just Guy Yeah guy coughing up blood looking like a zombie
Starting point is 00:15:38 Will people freak out Wait Rice man has 2.4 million subscribers now So I think rice man like re-uploaded this this onto his channel because it was not a rice man video I have no idea who rice man is But yeah, the the police showed up at his apartment and Took him to jail for four days. Oh my god God. I forgot about Joshy Crocs, Tommy. What is he doing now?
Starting point is 00:16:07 I don't know. I think, did he go? He tried to do his own prank show. Joshy Crocs was this dude. He was an intern at Barstool, and he just wore Crocs and was obsessed with Crocs. He had a necklace that was a Croc. And what was it?
Starting point is 00:16:19 Can we find the video that he did with the cereal? And this was, I believe, day two of COVID. Yeah. He dropped a bunch of cereal like that was and it was this was like i believe like day two of covid yeah and he dropped a bunch of cereal yeah and everyone's like dude what's your problem well he would go into small businesses and make a huge mess and then leave and that was like the joke and it was like what the he was a bad person yeah he just seemed like a bad guy he was canceled right or is he still huge oh yeah he was what was he definitely i thought he was canceled for the for this prank was he canceled for the cereal i wonder what the he's doing now crocs kid where are they now yeah that was three years ago now rocks i'm gonna look him up god did we call him joshie crocs or was just croc Kid? We called him Joshy Crocs. He was FCK Joshy on TikTok.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Huh. Joshy Crocs. Did you find his videos? Oh, someone wrote. Oh, yeah. Oh, Kate, you wrote an op-ed. I didn't want to say anything, but I hated it. Kate wrote an op-ed.
Starting point is 00:17:18 The Crocs kid who used to be at Barstool is an awful person. Here's several examples why I think that. Wait, he posted a racist video, too? He did a bunch of stuff that like i felt so disgusted watching it and i he i'm not the kind of person i hate conflict and i was like i fucking hate this kid yeah he was a racist apology video was pretty funny been there i want to watch some joshu cro this kid. Yeah, no, he would do the worst pranks. Oh, did he delete them all? They've got to be somewhere, like, ripped them.
Starting point is 00:17:50 We have to find them. He's probably just dreading. He's like, someday the act's going to bring me up. It's going to be the worst. This was a response directly to the Joshy Crocs tweet from the MTA. Oh, look at that. Chris Maloney backed you up. When COVID first started, he would go into
Starting point is 00:18:06 small businesses where the employees were forced to wear masks to keep their jobs. They had no choice. And he would go and tear off his mask and get right up in their faces. And shit like that was just like... That's a pretty good prank. I'm looking through it now and I'm like, oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:21 You're just like, oh, thanks. That's a pretty good prank. Just walk up and punch all the time. Yeah. That's a pretty good prank. Let's see. Just walk up, punch him in the fucking face. That's a pretty good prank. If you Google TikTok prank NYC Subway,
Starting point is 00:18:34 I think it's... Might be a bunch of trash. Oh, yeah. Here's an article. The prank TikToker who dumped a crate of milk on cereal on the NYC Subway apologized,
Starting point is 00:18:40 but immediately proceeded to post a racist video. Oh. There's one where this tiny little deli he sees the doors are open to the basement of it you know where they restock all the food and he goes down there and there's this man sweeping and trying to clean and he just proceeds to make this huge mess and the man just looks like he's about to cry and he's holding a broom and then joshu krogs like leaves and that's the joke like it made me so i was like i want to watch this video you find it tj it's got to be somewhere he yeah he went everywhere he was like and this was after he left barstool yeah he just was like all right i'm done with barstool? Yeah. He just was like, all right, I'm done with Barstool. I got an idea.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Time to go demon mode. Yeah, time to go. He did get a lot of publicity. God, I haven't thought about him in years. He was extremely close to becoming a Nelk boy at one point, too. Yeah. He was in their crew. He was in a couple Nelk videos. He was?
Starting point is 00:19:40 Really? After Barstool? Yeah. Joshy Crocs. What is he doing now i don't know what he's like go to columbia and have a bunch of coca-cola and i saw that one yeah just going around be like yeah here's the yeah look at this i can't believe he never got his ass beat yeah he should have gotten jumped right there yes should have gotten choked out by a Marine.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Oh, his voice, too. I forgot about his voice. I can't believe this is happening again. I accidentally dropped a whole tub of cereal on the subway today. Oh, my God. He did every voiceover like this. His TikTok account's gone? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:18 All of his stuff's gone. He has a YouTube channel still, but he was selling, like, shoutouts at one point. He's the worst. Well, who doesn't want a shout out from fuck josh buda ben at one point in time made a like a cyber bullying tiktok about him was the funniest tiktok i've ever seen wow buda ben was working for us i don't know it might have been after he was here but it was like he was mocking him totally and then he had to delete it for some reason i forgot about that voice on every single video. Yeah, he would go... I was in my college lecture,
Starting point is 00:20:47 and I really wanted to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. Microwaving class, and then I went home and jerked off. That was every video. I kind of wish he still had his TikToks. I want to watch them. I gave 200 people COVID.
Starting point is 00:20:59 I want to find another one of these fuck Joshies. This is what broke me. Look how sad that guy is. Oh, my God. I know. Fuck Joshie. He's just left with this huge mess. to find another one of these fuck joshies this is what broke me look how sad that guy is oh my god fuck joshie he's like left with this huge mess I think also the name joshie calling yourself joshie
Starting point is 00:21:13 7 million that's crazy I'll dump some fucking cereal on this oh there's a tiktok oh on youtube there's a fuck joshy ultimate tiktok compilation whoa hosted by the fuck joshy account yeah his stands oh god found an outlet and then started making popcorn i asked my professor if he wanted some and he
Starting point is 00:21:41 said sure he was like this is pretty good i'm like are you also high i'm like if you are we should hang out sometime we could smoke a josh he was like, this is pretty good. I'm like, are you also high? I'm like, if you are, we should hang out sometime. We could smoke a Joshi. He was like, I actually don't smoke. I'm like, do you jewel? He's like, no. I'm like, then this is very awkward. Then I dropped out.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Yo, what's up guys? It's Joshi. I was real hungry in class today. So I pulled out my panini machine and started making a sandwich. I couldn't find an outlet though. So I had to go up front. My professor said he couldn't allow it though. Cause it was a fire hazard or something.
Starting point is 00:22:02 He has no shame. If I can't even enjoy a nice turkey pesto I don't even want to be here anymore. So then I dropped out Yo, what's up guys? It's Josh. I was at Burger King today and I'm on a diet But today's my cheat day. So I asked if they could make me a burger with 50 buns The woman was like what are you fucking nuts? I was like according to my therapist. I am the man Joshie and then nobody gave a shit because it was a Burger King. Yo, what's up, guys?
Starting point is 00:22:26 It's Joshy. I'm a piece of trash. I was at McDonald's today. So I started building a solo cup pyramid. Oh, Joshy, don't do it to him. He was like, who are you? I'm like, I'm Joshy from corporate. He was like, you're from corporate?
Starting point is 00:22:38 I'm like, yeah. So then he let me keep building it. It was getting pretty high until some random kid slid into it. I was like, I'm dropping out. Nobody gave a shit because it was McDonald's high until some random kids slid into it i was like i'm dropping out nobody gave a shit because we got josh after getting kicked out of mc uh yeah that makes me so mad that like hurt my soul but i like watching it would get my it was an impressive cup pyramid we can all agree yes yes before before we authorize nikki smokes to terrorize us all in the new office i would like like for him to watch that video and see his reaction.
Starting point is 00:23:08 You know, like I'm worried. Oh, he would definitely be like that guy's cool. I'm worried that he might be like, this is fucking tight. Yeah, he'd probably be like, oh, you guys know Fuck Joshy? He's one of my inspirations. He's my guy. Fuck Joshy. He also, the funniest thing I ever saw happen off camera in the office,
Starting point is 00:23:22 he had like wallpaper of Crocs all over his desk. Yeah. I think like Erica had to like pull it off because like a client saw it and was like, what the fuck was that? And they had to like in the middle of the night, like destroy his desk because he had Crocs wallpaper all over it. Weird thing for a client to be mad about. I don't know what happened, but we all walked in one day and it was just his whole desk was destroyed. Good. The worst.
Starting point is 00:23:46 God, man. Yeah, those TikToks had 153 million views. That's insane. So maybe it's me who's doing it wrong. What if he's, like, working a desk job now? Yeah, no, that's what I'm thinking. Like, I mean, he deserves us to ridicule him because he's a bad person. But it would be funny if he just has been waiting for this day. Like, I hope they never bring me up again.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And then randomly it happened. Donnie did a very benign prank of, you know, 10 years ago in China. And next thing you know, fuck Josh, he's being talked to. Yeah. Now he's going to come back now. Yeah. And prank us. And prank us.
Starting point is 00:24:20 I'm going to blow up the Barstool Chicago office. I'm going to rob everyone's house. I'm going to blow up the Barstool Chicago office. I'm going to rob everyone's house. I'm going to kill you. It's crazy he deleted his account when he had 2.7 million followers. I know. Did he have a come to Jesus moment where he was like, what am I doing with my life? Well, he got canceled and then
Starting point is 00:24:37 in the cancellation he posted something racist. Yeah. I'm very curious what he's doing i feel like what was the racist thing yeah what was the racist video yeah i'm kind of curious i think he apologized but he wasn't apologizing and then if i remember correctly he like started posting comments i i just just a bad guy imagine like apologizing in that voiceover. Oh. Oh, God. And then I dropped out.
Starting point is 00:25:07 And then I dropped out of the internet. What's up, guys? Fuck Joshy. Sorry for being racist. Oh. Oh. So in 2022, he was exposed as being a person that was helping run a marketing scam directed towards black influencers on tiktok what this guy just keeps going lower this guy keeps going lower and lower carter agency
Starting point is 00:25:37 the truth about josh popkin oh my god send me article. I want to read that. What a, what a wild. He was running it under a pseudonym, Ben Carter. Use aliases to pose both a public relations agency and influencer manager skimming thousands of dollars from deals they secured on, I don't know how to say his last name,
Starting point is 00:25:57 but half worse. She's not alone. The majority of influencers targeted by the Carter agency are black women. Oh my God, this guy's the worst person ever. I'll be damned. Or in general, if you're assigned to an agency.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Carter agency is a scam. Ben is a scam. Josh Popkin, that's a scam. They are a scam. They're scamming. They're scam artists. You know that this means he's probably in the middle of a new scam right now. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Who's the Fyre Fest guy? I feel like the two of them would get along. Oh, yeah. He's got like Billy McFarland energy for sure. Fyre Fest 2 is coming up, I think. Yes, it is. Yeah. You should go.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Somebody should go. I would love to. That feels like a wanton Donnie. Yeah, it does. I think Mad Dog got tickets from Billy McFarlane on Twitter for free. Who did? Mad Dog. Oh, no way.
Starting point is 00:26:47 They tweeted at him, and he sent them tickets. But there's no date and no acts and no location. No, of course. That's the charm. Yeah, but they're free tickets. Between now and the end of next year. Ooh. Billy Football was so pissed at that guy because they were supposed to fight and rough and rowdy.
Starting point is 00:27:05 And then he backed out at the last moment. No. Yeah. And I remember when it was all happening. I was like, Billy, you realize this guy, also Billy, is a scam artist. He's not going to do this. I can't believe he didn't keep his word. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Billy was like, yeah, why did he drop out? It's like, because that was the whole plan the entire time. Yeah. Was to just get a bunch of publicity from us and then be like not gonna do it yeah like oh yeah barstool you know cheaped out or something oh man yeah fuck josh and billy mcfarland um we do the high noon ad yeah i would love to it's time to load up the ice and break out the oversized long games because the High Noon Game Day Pack is back.
Starting point is 00:27:48 It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free, and no added sugar. The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit HighNoonSpirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you. I want to emphasize the 100 calories, man.
Starting point is 00:28:11 You can just hammer these at the tailgate. Yes. Yeah. Yes. You guys are streaming on Saturday? Feel good. Yep. Streaming Ohio State, Penn State?
Starting point is 00:28:20 Yep. Are you committing me to be here? I'm committing you to be here. Is Jeff T. Lowe going to here? I'm committing you to be here. Is Jeff T. Lowe going to come? I haven't talked to him. He's surely going to tweet the picture of him in the student section. Yeah, we'll have a Paterno thing.
Starting point is 00:28:40 He was in the Paterno movie, the Al Pacino movie. Was he really? Yeah. Like one of the opening scenes is like a shot of the crowd and he's in it is he a joe pod didn't know guy uh i'm just i don't know but let's say yes yeah i mean i feel like more so than roan every penn state roan was the one who was the first whistleblower really well not technically but he he said that he used to work for the student newspaper and he wrote an article like two years before being like something's something's up i don't know so ron ron's sensible about it all yeah oh yeah because it's it's boy they're few
Starting point is 00:29:15 and far between i think jeff like i don't know how he got it he got the joe pos statue yeah no he has in his house it's actually the dozen yeah. It's actually the Dozen Season 5 trophy. Which I don't want to win. Yeah. Oh, man, Jeff for sure is a Joe Pa. Big Joe Pa guy. He's a Joe Pa knows, but it's okay type of guy. Yeah, like he was just old. He knew, but so what?
Starting point is 00:29:39 Yeah, there is those. What was he going to do? It was a different time. I don't understand. 409 wins, guys. 409 wins. Yeah, well, he knew, but listen, he's an old? It was a different time. You don't understand. 409 wins, guys. 409 wins. Yeah, well, he knew, but listen, he's an old man. They were playing better.
Starting point is 00:29:49 The morality of 2023 to 2012. It was a completely different era. Yeah, I mean, like in ancient Greece, men used to have sex with boys. Yeah. What he actually said to me, he was like, Sandusky was a bad guy, but his defenses were out of this world yeah so good the one thing i will say uh not in defense of joe pa but something i like about joe pa is the fact that he just died right away when he when he stopped coaching like football was that that's kind of a bear brian exit yeah just being like
Starting point is 00:30:19 okay you guys took away my job i'll die they. They're probably retired and a month later just fell out dead. Remember when Joe Posh shit his pants? Yes. Yes. Joe Posh shit his pants. There was also the time it was actually... He shit his pants? Yeah. He shit his pants. You were on the video. Yeah, the video's on YouTube. We actually wanted to make like a 30 for 30 about it. He like waddles off to... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:40 In the middle of the game, yeah. He shit his pants. Poopy pants? Oh, no. This is the only video you need for the Ohio State, Penn State. Oh, no. Second quarter, 721 to play. Look at him.
Starting point is 00:30:58 When you're that age. He's like, I got to shit. I got to shit. There he goes. Is Joe Paterno in the end zone? He's trying not to touch his butt. He's trying not to hold his turn. You dumb bitch, Joe Paterno.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Oh, God. And we have no reason to know why. Oh, fuck Penn State. Joe's maybe the only guy that knows. I mean. And then when they came back, they're like, yeah, Joe Paterno's back. He was just a little. He's had the flu. He was a little flushed out. He shit his pants.
Starting point is 00:31:30 There was also the game against Wisconsin that I was actually at that he broke his leg. That was awesome. Didn't he get hit? Someone came off the field? Yeah. He just got fucking smoked. I don't know if you'll find that highlight, but he got rolled up on hard. And like afterwards, like As a coach but he got rolled up on hard. And, like, afterwards, like.
Starting point is 00:31:45 As a coach, you get rolled up on hard. Oh. Oh, you have to avoid that. Oh, God. Have y'all ever gotten taken out? Oh, Joe Pop bent over. There are people watching this right now. I think he shit his pants there, too.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Yeah, there are people watching this right now. They're like, this is not right, what you guys are doing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're like, don't besmirch Joe Pop.'re all people yeah yeah they're all college football fan bases are cults but they were weird particularly yeah texas a&m clemson and penn state top three clemson is in your top three of cults yeah why the cult of dabbo yeah dabbo is a cult leader i feel like dabbo like his spell is kind of wearing off because he's losing now right but he is a cult leader. I feel like Dabo, like, his spell is kind of wearing off. Because he's losing now.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Right. But he is a cult leader. And don't Clemson fans do the $2 bill thing? The what now? Don't they go, whenever they go to a road game, they all pay with $2 bills? What a bunch of assholes. To, like, show, like, how many Clemson fans are there? No.
Starting point is 00:32:42 I don't like it. It's very weird. Can't you just wear a Clemson t-shirt? I've seen people do that before. They're cultish. Can you look that up, TJ? I think it's, yeah, they like, I don't even get what the. Have you ever been run over on the sideline?
Starting point is 00:32:54 No. Me personally, no. The $2 bill tradition. Ugh. Yeah, they go. In Atlanta, what do they do? Yeah, they just go and pay with $2 bills for everything. What an impact.
Starting point is 00:33:10 So they're basically doing it to just be like, look at how much money we spend. What a dick move. I got run over by LeGarrette Blunt. Really? What? At East Mississippi Community College, I was covering a game for the Meridian Star,
Starting point is 00:33:22 and LeGarrette Blunt was the running back, and he ran to the right side and just hit me in the chest and pushed me all the way back. You didn't fall down? I didn't fall down because we hit the fence. Did you see him coming? Wait, he, like, backed you up? I saw him coming, but there were other people around me,
Starting point is 00:33:36 and they were escaping, and my escape route was blocked. Okay. Yeah. That's so random. Did he help you up? No, not at all, no. Do you think there's a video of this somewhere? No, that game almost certainly isn't on video.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Or not one that is online readily available. Yeah. An incredible video. I'm sure it's got to be on video somewhere. I'm thinking that was 07. The teams are going to tape the games and watch film. Yeah, but is it online? No, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:34:04 The video probably exists, yeah. That's what I'm saying. The video probably exists. That's what I'm saying. We can just call the school. East Mississippi, hook us up. I'm going to need that video. 2007, I believe. I don't know which game it was. So you didn't fall.
Starting point is 00:34:13 It's actually kind of worse that you didn't fall because you just got backed up and he was just face-to-face with you. He just kind of rode me. As he got to the sideline, he grabbed my shirt so he wouldn't fall and kind of carried me along. Then he put his tongue in my mouth to steady himself. And then there was a flood of cum. That's my fucking story. Do you remember when Usain Bolt got taken out by the guy on the Segway?
Starting point is 00:34:43 That was an all-time guy who's like, I might have just fucked up so bad. I've ruined the Olympics. Yeah, the best athlete in the world, and I just ran over him on a Segway. Was this in a race? It was in maybe Beijing. I thought it was in the Olympics. Yeah, it was like Beijing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:03 The Olympics. It was like a Olympics after the race or before the race oh no yeah he lost control and that was rice man like imagine if something oh I want to watch that again that was so awesome he had no idea he's like oh i got the shot look at this shot this is another one of donnie's prank videos yeah oh my god i think that he's the monkey that hurts segue sales in general yeah um oh man he definitely was like i just ruined it's the seg i remember the segue came out i thought it was i was also probably like 12 but i thought it was like so cool oh yeah but then every single time a segue has ever made headlines it's been
Starting point is 00:35:53 either comedy or like the inventor someone died the segue died by riding a segue off a cliff really yeah maybe on purpose who knows but yeah And that's why, like, remember when the Segway, like, the little hoverboards were everywhere? It's because the guy died and then the patent expired so that anybody could make Segways. And that's why they're, like, blowing up. Oh. Remember, Rich, people were playing Segway polo and stuff like that. But nobody, like, all you see now is the tours and everyone looks like such a douchebag. Should we get Segways?
Starting point is 00:36:23 Yes. They've got to have the worst. Yes. They got to have the worst. Segway's got to have the worst PR of all time, though. I mean, like there's never been. How much does segways cost? Anything cool that's ever happened on a segway. Did he do it on purpose? Yeah, like I've seen a lot of segway cops.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Those, like they are not intimidating at all. They do like the city tours in some cities. Running a segway right beside a cliff is a decision. It has to be a little bit on purpose. Did he do it on purpose? Were they cool to anyone else? Was there's no way am i alone in this like when they came out were you like this seems pretty fucking cool this is a cool idea i've never seen a guy on a segue and been like i want that i think when they first started people thought they were like yeah we're up next right weren't they like this is this is pretty cool yeah this is awesome yeah
Starting point is 00:37:01 and then just slowly like i'm walking i don't think people thought it was that cool at first because i remember he hyped it up he was like guys i have this new invention that's going to change the world and like people were like oh my god was it going to be is it like a flying car and then he was just like yeah it's well brandon and i are from very stupid parts of the country so we were probably speak for yourself buddy excuse me speak for yourself now i feel like the new version of that is the guy who's wears the hoversuit everywhere do you know who i'm talking about uh there's a hoversuit this there's this guy from england who is he wears a jet pack and he's got it down to like such a science that he's like flies through the air he flies everywhere the rocketeer precision iron man that like iron man or the rocketeer and he's. Like Iron Man? Like Iron Man. Or the Rocketeer.
Starting point is 00:37:46 And he's like, this is once I get this developed for everyone. He's like, rocket suits are coming for everyone. His Instagram is crazy. The shit he does is like nuts. I got to see it. But it takes a long time to jetpack. I don't know what his thing is. Also, Segway's like immediately lost out when it's like, what are we going to use these
Starting point is 00:38:04 for? A bunch of tourists who wear helmets. Right. losers yeah yeah it's basically became the biggest loser move ever let's make tourists gravity yeah right put on vests yeah and just kind of like every everything every everything about the segway stunk but like i don't know like when it was unveiled oh i agree fucking awesome i gotta have one right when it came out and then like every piece of news and every every time you saw it in media it was just getting dunked on every new thing is awesome that is true every new thing everything is awesome until it's determined it's not awesome so this is the guy gravity industries whoa that's like the rocketeer dude shit he does is with such precision and like
Starting point is 00:38:43 he can land. He's going to die though. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. No, he's going to die. This guy's cooler than anybody. He's already dead. He's going to die.
Starting point is 00:38:51 He's going to figure it out fucking fly. Look at him. This guy's going to die. If he dies, he dies. He has a whole crew now that can fly just like him. And they go out and like land on narco submarines and whatever they train to. Wait, they're using it for good? Like a military?
Starting point is 00:39:08 He's like a superhero. Somebody a patent. Compare this guy's life to our life. Look what he's doing. He's gotten military contracts. I'm going to die. What's the first thing you do if you get your hands on one of these? And you can use it as well as he can.
Starting point is 00:39:21 I mean, imagine commuting to work every day. I'd fly for fun. I'd fly into like a football stadium yeah i'd fly over a bunch of people yeah also i don't think he is gonna die is that mario kart no i think he's gonna die he's he's only like 20 feet off the ground so if the thing malfunctions he'll probably break his legs how high does he could run into something yeah if he goes really fast and he runs into something what if a bird hits him yeah but you could do that in a car remember when fabio got hit with the bird on the roller coaster?
Starting point is 00:39:47 Yes. All time. It's pretty daunting. Okay, maybe he won't die. These guys look pretty badass. Yeah, I like the troops in them. Yeah. As soon as they put on camouflage, I'm like, oh, well, now this is safe.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Oh, yeah. He has a... Badass people don't die. Dorks die. If you're a dork with an... Dorks die. Guys in the... Nerds with this make me hate them. The troops, I'm like, fuck yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Damn, these guys are badass. Is that a lady? Is that a woman? Yeah. Oh. First woman in flight right there. Nordstrom. No, she's going to try to go across the Pacific.
Starting point is 00:40:23 She's going to fucking end up on an island. Yep. Big Cat, can you get us one of these? I kind of want one. no she's gonna yeah she's gonna try to go across the pacific and fucking end up on an island yep big cat can you guys one of these i i kind of want one really bad how i go to work every morning what would be working what would be our life expectancy if we did get one oh 20 minutes yeah two minutes wait this is a regular person you can you women aren't regular people so at least i used to follow him more closely you could pay him for like a weekend of classes to learn how to do it like he was like it was almost like a cameo kind of thing where you could go with your buddies and he would teach you and you could spend a weekend in the boonies of england and like learn how to
Starting point is 00:40:57 sweet is it's it's see how people are connected rocket propelled i don't even understand yeah there you go gravity fight club that's not even that much. There's like four leaf blowers on the guy. Like, there's two leaf blowers on each of the person's hand. So you're not even impressed? No, it's very cool, but I'm just saying, like, it doesn't look that hard to operate. I feel like they're stronger than leaf blowers. Well, yeah. Stephen,
Starting point is 00:41:17 I'd like to see you make one of these from scratch. We could just get a bunch of leaf blowers. Do you think if you accidentally turned it towards your face, you'd, like, off you probably that's got to be a heavy ass wind you think you just get taller no i mean you it's the opposite way so you go to the ground yeah what's that red drink all right oh do you guys recall in 2021 Tour de France, that lady was holding up the sign and caused all of them to crash? Oh, yeah. Dude, bike crashes are my fucking favorite.
Starting point is 00:41:52 The pileups. They're so awesome. They're so, oh. I think she was sentenced to a year in jail. Yeah, look at this. Was she a protester or a fan? She was a fan. Oh, yeah, This is awesome.
Starting point is 00:42:05 She was just holding up a sign, like, rooting for one of the bikers. And then first one. Oh, yeah, there she is. She got hit. One goes down. They're all down. I love it. I love the big crash.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Yeah, these big crashes happen fairly often. Oh, yeah. Yes, they do. There it goes. Ugh. And you're the one, they do. There it goes. Ugh. And you're the one person who created all of that. Yeah. No, I think she got a year in prison, which is wild.
Starting point is 00:42:31 I'd just give up right then. Like, how do you get your bike out of that? Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. She was getting a photo. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:42:40 Oh, you dumb lady. I feel like that's Europe's version of the guy in America who catches the baseball he's not supposed to catch or something. Oh, yeah. Your life's ruined for 20 years. That's always awesome. Or when a, like, the batter, what are they called? The kids who sit on the sidelines. The ball boys.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Bat boys. Ball boys. Yeah, they'll pick up a live ball. What is this? Little jetpack. Ball boys. Yeah, they'll pick up a live ball. What is this? Oh, he crashes. Yes. That's what I've been waiting for. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:43:13 Oh, I thought he was going to crash on that sign. Wait, you can tell he's nervous. Yeah. He's like, I don't know what's going on. Oh! That didn't seem that bad. No, that's got to hurt. Oh, that didn't seem that bad. No, that's got to hurt, dude. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Well, he's got some sick shoes on. He'd certainly be crying. What is that, a telescope? Great sound effects. Well, they do it over water a lot, and I always feel like, wouldn't you drown pretty quick? I feel like the embarrassment is way worse than the actual just be in front of everyone and be like dude your jetpack fucking crashed oh that's a
Starting point is 00:43:53 like does he get up and walk off or does he try to fly again also that's probably what like $50,000 worth of damage yeah the embarrassment would be crippling in that situation yeah it's like the ultimate like trip in front of a bunch of people do you remember like wave boards oh were those the ones with the thing that sticks out and you can no they were the ones
Starting point is 00:44:16 where you kind of have to like flick your hips oh not actually on the in the ocean yeah no yeah this is like pre-flying technology. Yeah, yeah. Like I wiped out on one of those in front of an entire summer camp during like a relay race and it got so bad that I just picked up the waveboard and ran it back to the side.
Starting point is 00:44:35 A big fall in front of people is such a terrible thing. Were there girls there? There were a lot of girls. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's brutal. Any that you had?
Starting point is 00:44:42 I was a counselor also. Oh, no. So it was just the disrespect that you had your eyes open. I was a counselor also. Oh, no. So it was just the disrespect. So no girls. So no cream pies. There were no cream pies. No. Damn.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Hey, are you still with your queen? Yeah. Yeah, move. I have real news, though. I relapsed on meatballs last night. I'm back. How would it happen? I needed it. I was just like, I was laying in a dark room and I was like, you know what, I don't feel like myself.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Ordered. Wait, when you say you were laying in a dark room, you mean your apartment. Yeah. Yeah. Your home. It's your apartment that has no natural light. No natural light. You lay in a dark room every day.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Yeah, it's kind of awesome, though. I love it. And I was watching the fills, and I was like, you know what? I need a little kick. I need to feel like myself again. And I ordered three meatball platter from the Pasta Bowl. Oh, man. Lincoln Park, and just I'm back, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:42 I'm feeling good. That is good. Yeah. Do you eat all of them? Oh, yeah. How many balls just, I'm back, dude. I'm feeling good. That is good. Yeah. Do you eat all of them? Oh, yeah. How many balls? Three big balls. Oh.
Starting point is 00:45:48 How long has you gone without balls? It's like over a month. Whoa. So a month worth of balls. Why would you stop yourself from doing something you love? I know. Yeah, why'd you ever stop in the first place? I was doing it too much.
Starting point is 00:45:59 I was doing it like four nights a week. But you can quit whenever you want. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you know, as long as in the back of your mind, you're like, if I really wanted to, I could quit this. You don't have to. I don't have to have a problem for you.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Yeah. Yeah. You've never been like obese, right? Yeah, definitely. I hide it, but like I'm definitely,
Starting point is 00:46:15 I don't think you can hide obesity, can you? I can pack on weight. I think I'm going to pack on about 30 for the winter. Nice. Oh, fat bears. Just get real big.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah. That's what I've done for the last couple decades. That's what you have to do here. You look good right now, Brandon. I do look good. I've been exercising. What? How often? Every day I go walk two miles and I do push-ups. I'm up to 26. Let's see it.
Starting point is 00:46:38 26 total? I can't today because I just did the 26 yesterday. You can't do 20? No, I can't. Let's just do one. Just give us one. Just give us one. If you work out
Starting point is 00:46:54 now, you won't have to work out tomorrow. What are you doing? Are you lying about the push-ups? No, I can do push-ups. Alright, so we don't know that. Why do I have to do push-ups? I'll do one push-up. No, do 10. do push-ups. All right, so we don't know that. Why do I have to do push-ups? Just to see if you're doing them right. I'll do one push-up. No, no, do 10.
Starting point is 00:47:07 I'll do 10 push-ups. 10 push-ups. 10 push-ups. I'm afraid he's going to throw up. I know, so what's the problem? Yeah, what's the problem? He did 26 yesterday. Wait, are you sore from 26?
Starting point is 00:47:19 Wait, why 26? Walking. Because that's how many I got to. Okay, okay. He stopped himself from saying bitch things. One year less than my age also, probably. Walking? Because that's how many I got to. He stopped himself from saying bitch thing. One year less than my age also, probably. What? Alright, here we go.
Starting point is 00:47:33 One, two, three. What's going on with your legs? Alright, warm-ups over. Let's do some push-ups now. Here we go. Let's do some push-ups now. Here we go. Let's do some push-ups now. Very out of breath. What's wrong with those?
Starting point is 00:47:47 That legit made me. We're waiting for the push-up. We're waiting for the push-up. Is that the warm-up? Are you done warming up? What's the push-up? It looked like you were, like, beating up the ground. I thought you were.
Starting point is 00:47:56 Are you supposed to have your head facing straight or at the ground when you do them? Neck was kind of pointed down, so on camera it didn't look great. He was fine. Yeah. I mean, yeah. We have at least six inches of clearance between your chest and the ground on every single one of those. Brandon, that's better than nothing. We'll encourage...
Starting point is 00:48:14 That was so mean, Kate. That is better than nothing. That's true. Baby steps. I'm not out of breath. Nope. Two mile walk. I'm not out of breath. Nope. Two-mile walk. I'm not going to be talking for a while.
Starting point is 00:48:30 Here, do the game time act. I'm trying to go to a game soon, Brandon. Any idea how? So there's college football games. There's pro football games. Hockey's back. Basketball's coming back. You've got concerts, shows, everything that you want to go to.
Starting point is 00:49:00 They sell tickets, right? Correct. What kind of tickets do they sell, guys? Cheap ones? Yep. What kind of tickets do they sell, guys? Cheap ones? Yeah, GameTime has cracked the code. You can get good tickets late. If you wake up on Saturday morning and you want to go to a college football game, you can go because they're going to have the best price late.
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Starting point is 00:50:20 Last-minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. I'm proud of you, Brandon. For what? Thank you. That was more impressive than the push-ups. No, I'm proud of you, Brandon. For what? Thank you. That was more impressive than the push-ups. No, I'm proud of you for working out. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:50:31 What's the motivation here? Are you going for a lifestyle change? Do you have a big anniversary coming up? Are you trying to get hot? So to be honest, the cold weather coming means I wear ho the wear i wear hoodies now yeah and in these hoodies my titties show a little bit more so i'm trying to get rid of them huh more than in a t-shirt i have i don't wear t-shirts i wear nice specifically fitted clothes summer that fit me yeah you're a big button down guy too big button down guy flannels flannels q-zips hoodies polos polos shorts they
Starting point is 00:51:08 got joggers joggers did you say q-zips yet q-zips tommy new smokes episode came out and it was fucking hysterical great job thank you thank you if you haven't watched it go watch it yeah i held my own dating show found a girlfriend are you still with the girl uh i don't want to comment you'd have to go watch you just did comment do you think ashley's gonna get jealous yeah she might get jealous i mean she wasn't in the picture when i we i filmed this in like june all right i'll let her know yeah i mean hey you know sometimes whoa it's a cat's girls going at it that's the worst that can't be your cat noise i guess that's not a cat yeah no that's now meow what were you doing i don't know like a like a now i i'm a fire truck i might have to tell people to not watch this like that that was the
Starting point is 00:52:03 worst promo ever he's going for like a row mook mook was a big help for the video he was the girl's fluffer dude that was my favorite night of work yeah yeah i mean it was like can you stay late and like sit in a green room with like 12 girls and what'd you do what do you mean flat wait you went got their pussies wet so they well i you know i needed somebody like when we were setting up the challenges and eliminations and stuff i needed someone to make sure that the girls, like, didn't turn on me or anything. I didn't want them in the room talking bad, oh, this guy's a weirdo. So I had Mook in there to, you know, be their gay best friend, basically. I literally told them I was gay.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I was like, hey, girls, anyone need a high noon? And I was like their therapist. You were Tommy's Ghislaine Maxwell. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. therapist you were you were tommy's gizlaine maxwell exactly yeah okay yeah okay well just me and if i'd use the word exactly well it sounds like it yeah you got them exactly right got them comfortable and uh i guess yeah like tommy just needs a massage started talking shit on tommy i was like no you don't do that right keep your mouth shut and yeah it was great the first girl definitely hated me when she got eliminated oh she was so pissed yeah yeah yeah what was your
Starting point is 00:53:09 favorite clip let's play a clip to tease the people yeah your White Sox Dave part yeah I haven't seen it yet so I uh saw that you put it out but if the blonde girl me and her meeting she she was a rather interesting was that the one that faced the camera and not you or the that could be her there were two blonde girls right uh one once yeah one got in some legal trouble smoke show is killing it yes smoke show is very funny very funny thank you keep everyone keep watching please that's my pitch tommy what month did we shoot that in june okay were they all just local new york city yeah i just put up an instagram story and it was like does anyone want to be on a dating show with me got about 100 applicants and you fucked all six of them that night before during and after nice in between
Starting point is 00:53:56 mook having them i kept them going yeah kept them primed. Did you feel like you actually had a solid connection with the girl who won? Hey. Nice to meet you. Thanks. Hi. What's your name? Zoe. Tommy.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Okay. Where are you from? Like, United States. Nice. What part? Like, more like Northern. The North part part? like more like northern the north part of like Canada? no like the United States
Starting point is 00:54:31 like what state? Rhode Island you do a lot of sports? I do so many it's insane like how many? like 9 or 10 so alright nice to meet you Tommy-bye tommy if you if you
Starting point is 00:54:48 she said north united states north united states if you kept up that lie and had to to you said i do nine or ten sports what would my sport what were your nine sports be baseball football basketball no tennis golf you're at five um i just can't ice skate so no hawk you're lying already running maybe like track okay yeah bowling bowling seven just ping pong volleyball eight all right volleyball nine and then like nine or ten maybe billiards so there you go nine or like nine or ten. Maybe billiards. So there you go. Nine or ten.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Nine or ten sports. That's easy as that. Oh, man. It was a great video, Tommy. Where are you from in the United States? North United States? In fairness, it was a curveball question. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:42 I should have seen that one coming. Yeah. She didn't have any time to prep for that one. Well, that might have been Mook's fault, too. That's true. He should have been like one coming Yeah Didn't have any time to prep for that one Well that might have been Mook's fault too That's true He should have been like Yeah it's like going on like the late night shows Like you gotta pre-interview him Oh yeah
Starting point is 00:55:55 And you fucked that up Well I mean look He might ask where you're from Don't say North United States I was feeding the blinds Tommy came away with one girlfriend i came away with six look at this that was my pov all night wow i would have watched that yeah i don't i don't know if we had much did we have footage in there no yeah it was just
Starting point is 00:56:18 that foot yeah we don't kiss and tell mook you dog you Ruff, ruff. You just fucked all of them at the same time. Some of them even brought friends all from Mook. Yeah. People brought like managers with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were girls that rolled in like four deep.
Starting point is 00:56:37 Oh, God. It was insane. What's happening, Brandon? Peeing. Did you just go pee? Yes, I'm peeing a lot. Is that a side effect? Is it a loft?
Starting point is 00:56:44 No. Pushups, maybe. What is he doing? I don't know. He's going to go hit like an oxygen tank. What are you doing? I mean, you did just go pee two seconds ago. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:59 What is happening right now? We got to let pop-up be pop-up. I know, but I'm just nervous for him. What? He just pushed that guy. He just pushed him. Jack McCarthy. So I haven't been doing sugar on my diet much lately. Okay, take a knee.
Starting point is 00:57:15 So when I do have my sweet tea from Chick-fil-A, it just runs right through. Oh, you're going to poop. Oh, you're pooping. You're doing a joe paw. No, I just got to pee. But you just peed. I know, I got to pee again. Let's just time how long you're going to make sure it's not a poop. You're doing a joe paw. No, I just gotta pee. But you just peed. I know, I gotta pee again. Let's just time how long you're going to make sure it's not a poop.
Starting point is 00:57:28 Right. Make sure you're not lying to us. I would say... We all can go if you'd like. You can watch. Okay. No, no, no, you don't. Wait, what? I'm going to pee. I'll watch. I'll watch. Looks like a poop walk. And we're off.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Over under a minute and a half. What is the, I think anything over two minutes you probably think is. Is pooping. I used to time people in the old office. I had an Excel sheet in the bathroom. You had an Excel sheet? Yeah, and it would be pee or poop or maybe poop maybe pee sometimes hard to tell hmm i do get self-conscious sexual harassment like if i'm in there too long i feel
Starting point is 00:58:12 like people people notice if someone's in there i've never pooped on an airplane so no but i'll like stretch my legs and then i'll be and i'm like if i'm in there too long do we know what the toilet situation is going to be like at the new place are we going to have enough toilets to satisfy the this one disgusting bowels of this this is terrible yeah this is i think it's awkward standing there waiting for the key show people start knocking and then if you're there long and that's yeah if you're standing there waiting for the key long then you have to pretend you're not waiting because you don't want them to be embarrassed if they were clearly pooping you know to look out for them yeah it's a lot people don't realize how stressful this job is yeah my goodness it is wild how comfortable everybody at this
Starting point is 00:58:52 company is just taking shits like knowing that we have two toilets we have two toilets that everybody can use um i also have to shit throughout the day i just kind of hold it because now you eventually get over that yeah Yeah, no, everybody seems to have gotten over it and they're just like, I'm just going to shit. Okay, that's just a pee. Oh, that's just a pee. That's just a pee. Nice little stater pee. It was a diarrhea. He just had
Starting point is 00:59:16 a massive, massive diarrhea. It was explosive. Disgusting. So with the, how long was he gone? A minute twenty? So with the What it takes about 15 seconds To walk there and back so that's 30 And then obviously
Starting point is 00:59:34 You spent 30 seconds washing your hands Thoroughly. He didn't wash his hands I washed my hands twice Oh shit He didn't wash his hands Would you like to tell people why you washed your hands? Well, I peed in the sink. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:49 So I washed my hands and the sink. We peed at the same time. I had a nice steady pee and it was good. You were in the same bathroom together? Yeah, I was peeing in the sink. Neither one of you got stage fright? No, we were back to back. i mean we're we're close yeah we're boys
Starting point is 01:00:07 we're pissing boys yeah no we actually had no no problem whatsoever he did say like oh you're pissing in the sink yeah he said okay i love pissing next to my boys yeah pissing next to your boys is fun it's great sword fighting even that yeah Don't get involved. Back in the day, kings used to have someone wipe their ass. They were called the groom of the stool. And you're going to be kind of like the king of the Chicago office. Should I have people wipe my ass? Yeah, well, you'd have to choose one person, and he's your groom of the stool. He has to wipe it every time.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Well, I mean, let's do a wheel at least. That's what we got the wheel for. Why would you want someone else wiping your ass? Yeah, that's what we got the wheel for. Why would you want someone else wiping your ass? Yeah, that's crazy. Because I guess it's someone that you can talk to while you're pooping too. Shoot the shit. Well, the king can't be a poopy hands. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:53 The king can't have poopy hands. Did you guys ever talk about on here Stephen Trey's wiping method? Oh, yeah. He's disgusting. Way too much. Back to front. He puts poop onto his ball sack every day. He uses the same ply like four times.
Starting point is 01:01:06 And he stands. You stand. Standing is nuts. He just walks around with poop in his ass. Yeah. All the time. You have poop in your butt right now. All right, let's go wipe and see who's the cleaner.
Starting point is 01:01:19 All right, let's go. Oh, no. You want to go? I want to see your wipe. You want to see your wipe? You want to go? You want to go, bro? You want to see your wife you want to go you want to go bro let me see your ass come on let's go wipe our ass bro
Starting point is 01:01:33 look at my fucking ass talk some more shit see what happens I've never seen someone that confident he'll go wipe off with anyone confident in his asshole right now have you taken a shit today this morning at like 7 o'clock. Before or after a shower?
Starting point is 01:01:49 Before. So then it doesn't count. You washed your ass. Yeah. We'll have a wipe off when you take a shit after a shower. Stay ready. I will. I'm always ready.
Starting point is 01:02:03 I haven't taken a shit today. Well, yes. I go. I'm always ready. I haven't taken a shit today, so. Yeah. Well, yes, I go from back to front at the end after I've fully gone front to back. Wait, what? So I have the cleanest butt around. I mean, that's. Well, that's you stand up. I also crouch down.
Starting point is 01:02:24 But don't you crouch over the toilet? Or to the side of the toilet? Are you crouching while you're just standing in the middle of the bathroom? No, I'm in a stall. Right. Most Asians do it. Let's just say you're at home. You stand, you wipe, and then you crouch just standing there?
Starting point is 01:02:42 Like you do a squat? Can you demonstrate? The Asian squat. That's what everyone would do in China. All right, so if I walked in, what I'm asking is, is there a chance that someone walks in on you in the bathroom and you're just standing in the middle of the bathroom like this? No, no, no, no, no. Not over the toilet.
Starting point is 01:03:03 You're just like three crouch. Yeah. Like if I walked in and you're just like, whoa, Steven, why are You're not over the toilet. You're just like three crouched. Yeah. Like if I walked in, you'd just be like, whoa, Stephen, why are you just crouched wiping Show us the method. Show us the method. All right. Okay. Yep.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Okay. Wait, whoa, what was that? You just went reversed it? Yeah. I think you took it off. I fold it. So I'll get a long strand, maybe like this. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:24 Fold it twice. Are you the one that folds it and then uses it again? Go get some toilet paper. Who on the bracket said they wipe their ass and then they use the same piece to wipe it again? Dana, I think. Can I say something that you all are going to think is ridiculous, but I swear to God, the second you try it, you'll be like, I can't believe I've lived my life this way without it. Go. I have a bidet.
Starting point is 01:03:50 Oh. Oh, yeah. I don't. Pause. It fucking rules. Pause. Pause. I think that's awesome.
Starting point is 01:03:59 I mean, you shove your hand up your butt. You shove your hand. That's way more. It's way more. So it's to take your fingers. I would never let water up your butt? You shove your hand up your ass? That's way more sus. It's way more sus to take your fingers up your butt. I would never let water up my butt. I had a feeling I mentally tiered this group right here into three tiers of who has the poopiest butts and who has the cleanest butts. And you, and actually, Che, I had you as a very clean butt. Oh, thank you, Kate.
Starting point is 01:04:21 You, you, and TJ. And then level two, Zah, you, Donnie, and then the poopy butts. What is it? Yeah, no, that's... Yeah, she's not wrong. You're not going to protest? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:37 But I did rank poopy butts, and I had you as clean butt. Bidet. Okay. I will wipe for 45 minutes 45 minutes what are you doing I'm straight
Starting point is 01:04:53 what do you want me to say you want me to be something else how big is your asshole in Japan everyone uses a bidet they're also like so you actually fold it in front of you like you're like folding a quilt like Betsy fold it in front of you like you're folding a quilt? Like Betsy Ross making the first flag.
Starting point is 01:05:09 What are you doing? This is bigger than toilet paper. This is bigger than toilet paper, obviously. So we got two folds. Can we just get him toilet paper? We need toilet paper. We gotta see toilet paper. I mean, come on.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Toilet paper. I need to see exactly where you're going. I get doubling up so you don't bust through the paper and touch your own... But folding it in front of you like you're doing. I get doubling up so you don't bust through the paper and touch your own butthole. But holding it in front of you like you're... And then he wipes the same one. He wipes his ass multiple times with the same stack of toilet paper. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Does he? Yes. That's gross. But still. Does that mean you roll it over? He makes a napkin of the poop and then he... If you have a piece like this... I'm starting to think TJ might do it.
Starting point is 01:05:44 I've done that before. That's crazy. You do it in a pinch. How many rolls of toilet paper a week? A lot, but anything that's been wiping my ass, I don't want wiping my ass again. Alright, got some toilet paper. This is going to take
Starting point is 01:05:59 a while to get it ready. The initial one sucks. That was sick. Wow, he did it easy. Zachack can you hold it for him oh i always have it the other way thank you this is a pretty thin fly here we go okay all right yeah that's one plot all right here we go all right so you do fold it like a newspaper. Bang. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm green in the building. Did you do a half squat? We got a half crouch.
Starting point is 01:06:28 Oh, you're not standing up. I'm not standing like this. Yeah, half crouch. Why wouldn't you just keep sitting? Hold on, half crouch. One. One. No, you touch it again.
Starting point is 01:06:36 Oh, you paper. You paper. This is disgusting. Pull it out. We got to inspect the name. Is this really bad? No. It was right in the toilet.
Starting point is 01:06:44 You take a look. Of course I do. Oh, my God. Yeah, if it's really bad, it's going got to inspect the name. Is this really bad? No. You take a look. Of course I do. Oh, my God. Yeah, if it's really bad, it's going to run in the toilet. If it's light, like we're a one-wipe town, we fold it over, and we finish. And then we put this in the toilet, and then we do one more. This is why he's in the clean butt territory. It's usually pretty light.
Starting point is 01:07:01 He's so football-minded, he's running a read option on his ass. No, no, no. He's so football-minded, he's running a read option. No, no, no. He's not a clean butt. You do the double fold again, and we're assuming normal operating. Then we go to one, check, we're good, bang. You go frontside on the second time. I get all angles. You can get out of there with two wipes.
Starting point is 01:07:18 Oh, my God. I don't know what to think. This guy. Two wipes. I'm minimum 10. No, I might. Minimum 10. Four to six. This guy. Who wipes? Mine are like, I'm minimum 10. No, I might. Minimum 10. Four to six.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Bend over. Let me see that thing. Let me sniff your asshole. Let me see what I'm up against. Let me see that Asian ass. How do more people just not like die from eating ass? Oh, all right. You can die if you consume poop.
Starting point is 01:07:43 Yeah, that is a good question. And when you eat someone's ass, you have to be consuming a little bit of poop. Yeah. Yeah. Why? I can never get down. People have definitely died from that. I thought y'all were just kidding about eating ass.
Starting point is 01:07:55 No, apparently it's big. You think Stu Feiner's saying things for effect? Fair. I don't get it, though. Child, please. Who's his new number four, though? Did we ever figure that out? I can get it though Child please Who's his new number four though? I can get it out of him Today Child please
Starting point is 01:08:11 It would be great to stage a wipe off Yeah we should have a wipe off Eat your poult lay Get some Miralax in ya Wipe off It's gotta be like completely random Like stand up right now, let's go. Yeah, it's got to be like a spot check. That's the only real
Starting point is 01:08:28 way to do it. It can't be either. You walk into an old west saloon. Get some scientists in white lab coats that are like swabbing your assholes. Yeah. Testing the bacteria percentage. Maybe MOOC's the designated challenger? Because if either of you
Starting point is 01:08:44 challenge each other, that's not fair. Yeah, that's true. It's got to be like Mook or someone being like, right now, wipe your asses. In fairness, I was just called out, so I'm like, all right, let's go. But I haven't. Very brave. You also took a shower. Shower completely changes.
Starting point is 01:09:01 It's got to be non-shower. Like, non-shower. How does it change it? I assume you get water in your butt. Isn't that sus? Isn't that sus? Isn't that sus? That's a pie, dude.
Starting point is 01:09:12 That's God's water. That's God's water. That's not from underneath. Totally different. It's not a water dick. It's not a water dick. Do you turn around in the shower and spread a little bit? No.
Starting point is 01:09:25 No? No? You? You certainly do. That sounds like you do. Yeah, I don't either. Definitely not. Those are the scariest questions to ask. I was so scared, dude.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Oh, my God. I've been turning around and doing a little. Bend over? A slight bend. A slight knee bend. I've done it before. I've done it before. If I feel the ass needs it.
Starting point is 01:09:43 I don't do it often. You've got to take care of the ass. Not all the time do it often. You've got to take care of the ass. I mean, you do got to take care of the ass. Yeah, those are scary questions to throw out to you. I definitely don't. What did you just say, Tommy? I said I definitely don't moan when I do it or anything. No, not at all.
Starting point is 01:09:56 You guys don't lay down in the shower and just spread your ass out? No, I do like a handstand. You guys ever like lay on your back and then throw your feet over your head and try to suck your own dick? No? Yeah, me neither. So do you guys take the shower head out of its position and shove it right up in there? Do you ever take the whole faucet up your ass?
Starting point is 01:10:16 Ever find a nice stretch of grass and just rub your ass on it? Like a dog? Scoot across your carpet. Alright, well we do have to go to advisors. What do you say, Steven? What's the weirdest thing you guys Rub your ass on it. Like a dog. Scoot across your carpet. All right. Well, we do have to go to advisors. What are you going to say, Stephen?
Starting point is 01:10:28 What's the weirdest thing you guys ever wiped your ass with? Coffee filter. Leaves. Coffee filter. Leaves. Towel or nothing. For sure. Coffee filter.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Abercrombie underwear. Ooh. That's not that weird. It felt weird at the time. Yeah. Your bills. Oh, yes. Yes. Your Bills standard story. Did you plug a toilet at a Bills standard? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 01:10:48 Yes. Oh, that's awesome. Really hard to do. That's very hard to do. Really hard to do. Very bad. I feel like the Bills standard sees that a lot. And it was like a private.
Starting point is 01:10:58 It was like off of a suite. So it was a private one. But it was like off of a suite where it's a private one but it's also like like you know seven or eight suites all use that bathroom and there was a line after i'm never coming back here a couple years ago on the 15 hour flight probably like two hours into it i put a put one of the bathrooms out of order and they came out put the fucking tape on the door oh it's the worst worst feeling ever sass also caught me in buffalo when we we've told this story before but he was
Starting point is 01:11:30 sitting i didn't see him sitting in the lobby and i came down to the front desk and i was like um excuse me someone clogged the toilet in room 206 and i just turned around he's like dude what like what did you just do i always blame it on someone else. I'm like, yeah, I don't know how it happened, but someone clogged the toilet of this personal room that I've been inhabiting for the last three days. The only guy with a key to it. Some guy just came in and clogged it. It keeps happening to me. I don't understand it.
Starting point is 01:12:02 Yeah, I pissed on top of it. Fucking damnedest thing. Do you ever forget if you flushed or not? Like the singular twist? You wash your hands, you walk out, and you're like, I don't, the next person's going in, and you don't remember if you flushed. Yeah, that definitely has happened.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Yeah, and I flushed four or five times. Well, it's also with automatic flushers now. You're like, you get nervous, like, wait, was that an automatic flusher? I did that with my roommate in New York. I was in the kitchen. He came out of the bathroom. He was like, bro, you forgot to flush.
Starting point is 01:12:34 That's such a savage move to walk into just a full bowl of just like what happened. I was like, dude, I'm so sorry. That's not bad. If you were living with a guy. But we weren't like boys. Oh. So I was just like, oh, I'm so sorry. If you were living with a guy. But we weren't like boys. Oh. So I was just like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:49 I clogged the toilet at a friend's party and I kept on flushing and the log was just there, but it wouldn't go down. And I was like, I can't leave it there. So I wrapped my hand in toilet paper. On that. But no, no, no. But I didn't break it up with my hand. I just, I picked it up and tossed it out the window. Oh, not done that.
Starting point is 01:13:07 Not done that. I've done the hand plunge with a garbage bag. Okay, yes. Where you put a garbage bag, you put your hand in a garbage bag, and then you have to hand plunge. Wait, you chucked it out the window? I chucked it out the window. I panicked.
Starting point is 01:13:20 I panicked. That's an all-time panic move. Yes. Did it fly or did it? It flew. I don't think it landed on his property. So I was like, okay, it's no longer my problem. Some dude's out front smoking a cigarette.
Starting point is 01:13:46 But that feeling of like clogging a toilet at someone else's house is the ultimate panic spot. And like everyone should have a plunger in every toilet, but that just doesn't exist. And it's just you can't ask. You got to just solve the problem as it's given to you. I had it happen at my parents' friend's house, and it literally overflowed. Like the water like overflows and like flooded the bathroom. Oh, that moment when it just gets to the edge. Yeah. This isn't going to stop, is it?
Starting point is 01:14:06 No, this is so much water. That might be one of the biggest panic moments. Yeah. Yes. That a person can have. Yeah. Yeah. Just shitting at someone else's house is always just as scary
Starting point is 01:14:20 because like you just don't know the flush level. Yeah. And sometimes you're like, if I flush it one more time, it may completely go down. Or it may open up. Or it might just flush. Yeah. You have to make that spot. It's like what the guys at Chernobyl thought when they were like,
Starting point is 01:14:34 do we turn off the reactors or not? Yeah. Same level of panic. Same level of panic. Do you get the shit out and then start wiping? Brandon's a frequent flusher. He flushes after every turd. My Uncle Tony always tells me to do that.
Starting point is 01:14:48 Your Uncle Tony? He always tells me I should flush the shit and then start wiping. That's what I do. Yeah, Uncle Tony's right. I haven't seen my shit in years. You don't even look? Uh-uh. You should take a look sometime.
Starting point is 01:14:58 You got to take a look. You probably have a lot of medical issues you've been ignoring. I think we talked about this last week. I just don't want to know. You've probably been shitting for like five years. Don't ask, don't tell. You do a don't. I don't want to know. You've been ignoring. I think we talked about this last week. I just don't want to know. You've probably been shitting. Don't ask. Don't tell.
Starting point is 01:15:08 Yeah. You do. Don't ask. Don't tell. When it's time to know. I'll know. Yeah. My own butthole is don't ask. Don't tell.
Starting point is 01:15:17 Wait till the book comes out. And a fucking lion cock all the way up in your ass. Snake dick in your mouth at the same time. Goat head licking your nipples. You got fucked in mine, too. Yeah, that's illegal. Huh? That's illegal.
Starting point is 01:15:32 I wasn't supposed to be in yours. Nobody said that you... There were no rules. There were no rules. I took some liberties, yeah. Yeah. Anybody can fuck anybody. This book is going to be something else.
Starting point is 01:15:43 TJ, could you say, like, this was the sexiest story this person had? Yeah, have you read all the chapters? No. I looked through most of them to make sure that they were formatted correctly or whatever. I just sent you mine as an email. Yeah. I did mine on the notes app. I don't have a Microsoft Word.
Starting point is 01:15:59 I shared a Google Doc. I just did an email, a straight email. Yeah, I got to dive into it maybe tonight. Should we read each other's or are we just going to wait until the book comes out? So what I do need to do is figure out the order of them. Because they're supposed to like sequence into each other sort of. Oh, I forgot to do that. Yeah, mine's going to go anywhere.
Starting point is 01:16:18 Wait, could we also release an audio book version? I think that, yeah, we should. I thought Frank was going to read it. Oh, yeah. Oh, Frank's going to read it? Oh, Frank reading it would be great wow we have to have frank to it another fucking cock yeah we have to have the whole thing yes we'll pay him we would have to yeah yeah we'll pay him his
Starting point is 01:16:44 cameo fee. Yeah. Maybe we just have him do it in cameos. I got a lot of dialogue in mind that's like, oh, fuck, I'm about to fucking bust right now. I don't want Frank to have to read that out loud. Yeah. I guess if you have dialogue, then you can just like, I'll do my chapter with Frank because there's some dialogue.
Starting point is 01:17:02 That's when Frank and I had the date when you guys went to LaBernadette and I wrote what he had to say and there was a couple erotica lines and he did it. He nailed it. Yeah. Pros pro. I think Frank can do it.
Starting point is 01:17:15 Maybe add in some songs too. Like a jingle in between chapters. Yeah. This could be a new revenue stream for him. If he nails this, then his cameos, he'll get requests to do erotica. Yeah. I'm sure he gets some of those.
Starting point is 01:17:31 How many of these books are we making? I think Pilar said like 200. Okay, this is the first time in a long time that I'm actually nervous about the sales. I'm the exact opposite. We'll sell 200 in a second. Like 10 years ago when we used to do shirts,
Starting point is 01:17:51 and I'd be like, you couldn't make a shirt unless it sold a certain amount. And you'd be like, fuck, I hope it sells. I'm back to that level of... What we could do is... 200's easy. If you buy a physical copy of the book, which they'll be on Cyber Monday, you get first access to the audiobook version or something.
Starting point is 01:18:06 Yeah, I like that. I like that. And then at a later time when we release the digital version, we'll put out. Guys, believe in yourselves. We're going to sell 200 no problem. I actually think 200's easy. So we've got to fly Frank out for an entire day of this. And then a discount on the movie.
Starting point is 01:18:21 We have a fucking New York Times bestselling author on the book. Donnie? He did point at Donnie. No York Times bestselling author on the book. Donnie? You did point at Donnie. No, that's my hand. That was Donnie. My hand can only get so far. You're a New York Times bestseller? Technically, yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:35 But that's, as I've reiterated over and over and over, it's not as hard as it sounds. Like, it's. Put yourself up. yeah yeah there's only there's only like five books in the world at the time and oh yeah no like you're supposed to release it at a certain time yeah i i just i i remember like they they expanded the lists where it used to be the top it was like the top 10 fiction and the top 10 non-fiction for a week and then they realized that like it's great for business if everybody calls themselves a new york times bestseller so they it became like a participation trophy deal um where they expanded it to look at that yeah look at that guy fucking hard at work did you have a ghost i wrote the whole thing um
Starting point is 01:19:20 and then that looks like a very comfortable couch yeah yeah it does was it dirty backed uh buckets yeah that was a great couch yeah that was my senior year of college um and then and then they went even further and instead of fiction non-fiction it just became like fiction fantasy and fiction you know historical fiction and then so like mine was like i was like 24th for one week of sports non nonfiction, you know, it was like all the, all these qualifiers. Still. And, uh.
Starting point is 01:19:50 Best seller. So could we make top 25 of Orc Sex? If we, if we try to get on like the fiction, sci-fi, erotica, um, like multi-author list, I think we could do it. Are we titling it a new york times bestseller written by new york times bestseller mark titus and the act oh i i thought the title was gonna be a new york times we can legally say that why because we're not new york time but we're just that's just the title of the book yeah yeah you could put you could put it put it like put new york times bestseller and big thing and then put like uh yeah written by very tiny new york times bestseller and then like my
Starting point is 01:20:36 name's like really tiny as well no but it's like the only thing you can really see is new york times if the title of the book is a new york timesseller, we can all just say, yeah, I wrote a New York Times bestseller. Yeah. And they'll be like, oh, what's it called? Say, I wrote a New York Times bestseller. I really think for what it's worth, I don't know if it's with this book, but if the Yak did want to write a New York Times bestseller, if he wanted to rig the system and rig the game, I don't think it would be hard. Well, no, we already did.
Starting point is 01:21:01 But can we be the publishers? We wrote a New York Times bestseller. That's the title of the book. We've already done it. This is like coaching for his job. Yeah. We're rigging the – you think that we would legally – we can't title it a New York Times bestseller? Why not?
Starting point is 01:21:20 I don't know. It's just a collection of words. What if we say, like, bestseller? See you, Tommy. Bestseller. Not a hard R. Yeah, soft. Oh, I'm out.
Starting point is 01:21:31 Yeah, I want to call it a new time, bestseller. Bestseller. Prince Harry didn't even write his own book. What? That's not shocking. A lot of celebs just have a ghostwriter write it. Like, they send them a bunch of notes on their life, and then they just write it. No, I wrote mine.
Starting point is 01:21:47 You can tell, because if you go back and read it, it reads like a dipshit 21-year-old. Yeah. It's very much a—I guess I was 22 probably when I wrote it. Millie Bobby Brown didn't write her own book? We've been asked to write a book for part of my taking. It's just always—it seems like so much work. If you guys actually wrote a book, part of my taking it's just always it seems like no yeah it's work if you guys actually wrote a book it's a hundred percent in new york times but it's so much no matter how good bad or otherwise it would be it is a lot of work
Starting point is 01:22:13 pft and i sat in meetings where they told us like here's all you got to do we'll hire this ghostwriter like but we still have to like tell them and like yeah we don't want i've been i've been on brand to write it. You could do a college football book and it would be a New York Times bestseller. The Definitive Guide to College Football? Yeah. I have to get Frank to write the Heisman chapters. That's a fact.
Starting point is 01:22:36 I'll just giggle. TJ, you want to spin the wheel? Because we've got to go do advisors. I think Will and Taylor are going to be here tomorrow. I hope we'll be back. What did you say? I said I hope we'll make it. You and I.
Starting point is 01:22:52 Oh, we might be late. Yeah, we might be late tomorrow. So if everyone can be here. Brandon and I might be a tad late. I'll send Will and Taylor to come, though. Yeah. We'll be here at like 12. We'll make it.
Starting point is 01:23:10 12.05. At the latest. Maybe 1. Where are you guys going? We have to do the pro football and college football show. Are you doing mostly sports tomorrow? Yeah. Pro football's at 9.
Starting point is 01:23:21 College football's at like 10.30. So we got to be ready to short mostly sports tomorrow. Well, I'll get out at 10. You can do what you did last time with Connor. Just keep the show. The numbers really go up. I can't help it. I can't help it, Mark.
Starting point is 01:23:36 I know. The man is working his dick off. He literally doesn't have a dick. He has no penis. I'm penisless. It's gone. He went into Dave's office and asked have a dick. He has no penis. I'm penisless. It's gone. He went into Dave's office and asked for a raise. He tucked, like Buffalo Bill, he tucked his penis behind his neck.
Starting point is 01:23:52 I had to trade my dick for a raise. He said, look, Dave, I have no dick. I have no penis. I got worn down to a nub. You already have the kids, dude. You don't really need a dick. No, my dick's finished. Retired.
Starting point is 01:24:04 It's in the Hall of Fame. Put it up in the rafters. The ceremony. Pull on the rope. Brandon's penis. That's the new gym. That's a hell of a thing. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Starting point is 01:24:14 I described your penis in my chapter as two number 12 pencils stacked on top of each other. I said it was very long with no girth. Yeah, like a tapeworm. Yeah, it's just like... Two is a stretch. But one would be more correct. One would be, yeah. Just the skinniest penis you ever did see.
Starting point is 01:24:32 One was stacked on top of itself. I think you got a nice... Oh, here we go. Yeah, like two number 12 pedestal status. What are you going to do with that boy? It's not going to suck itself, is it? Oh, God. That's just a little tease of my chapter.
Starting point is 01:24:48 The book's going to be great. It's going to be so good. So great. You're going to sell 200 in the snap of a figure. Get the reprint ready. What was the line I sent you guys that I literally had to stop because I was getting so grossed out by myself? It was me getting sucked, fucked, and everything else.
Starting point is 01:25:06 Sucked again? Wait, hold on. I'll read it. Sucked, fucked, and sucked again? Yeah. Brandon being sucked, licked, and sucked again began to squeal in delight. It was like it was everything he'd never ever wanted in life. You should get a – who's the woman that wrote the one that started all this?
Starting point is 01:25:21 What was her name? Sue Linden? Sue Mercury? Sue Mercury? Sue Mercury buyer yeah get her to write the forward can we pay her to write the forward she might get out of the business once she reads ours because that's another move with books if you want to push some books as you get someone to write the forward who wrote yours hey what days I did I don't I don't think. October 31st? I don't think I did that. Okay. I had it for her. Tuesday. What actual day?
Starting point is 01:25:47 Oh, are you going to do the future? It's a Tuesday. I believe it's a Tuesday. Yes. I believe it's a Tuesday. I don't know why I said it. Yep. Can't confirm. It's a day after Monday.
Starting point is 01:25:55 But I want to. Or Wednesday. Ooh, so Sue Mercury was the USA Today bestselling author. So I don't know if she made the New York Times, but she made the USA Today list. That might be more attainable. USA Today is the more attainable one. Just pick any newspaper and be a bestseller on theirs.
Starting point is 01:26:13 Does Playboy have a bestseller list? I don't know. Sure. Why not? Is Playboy still a magazine? It's not, right? I think it's not, right? Yeah. I think it's not. Yeah, because didn't... They just fired me a collision.
Starting point is 01:26:29 Yeah, what's your name? I thought they got rid of the magazine. Might be a digital. Why'd they fire? For tweeting some crazy shit about Israel and Palestine. Oh, shit. Clemmer's going to start going to movies again? Wait, what?
Starting point is 01:26:41 Yeah, I think he's going to try to do it one a day again. Good for him wow he just tweeted at a theater near me which is his old podcast that uh january 1st 2024 he was attempting to go to a different movie every single day for an entire year and he made it like a month and then he got covid and gave it to everyone at sonic it's i mean it was very, very funny. I hope he does it this time. I'm rooting for him. That'll be electric.
Starting point is 01:27:10 That's what you get for going to see Sonic 2. Yeah. Now, wait a minute, Moop. As somebody with kids who had to go through to Sonic and Sonic 2, both were surprisingly good. Really? Sonic and Sonic 2 were surprisingly pretty good. But Clemmer walking alone into Sonic should have a metal detector on him.
Starting point is 01:27:26 Should have patted him down. All right. All right. Let's go, Tommy. See you, Tommy. Good luck, guys. Good luck, Tommy. Watch the Smoke Show.
Starting point is 01:27:39 Thanks. See you everyone in a while. Shout out mostly to Smoke. Yeah, no, I'm sure. It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop We're doing Yankee Swap It's the act It's the act See you tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:28:32 Bye.

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