The Yak - The 2023 Yak Christmas Spectacular Presented By Factor | The Yak 12-22-23
Episode Date: December 22, 2023Have a 10X holiday everybodyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up.
Welcome, welcome.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
It's the Yak.
Presented by Roback.
Q-Zips.
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The people just missed it, but we have all of our gifts here.
Paige and Caitlin Walker, Paige, our office manager, and Caitlin Walker were nice enough to wrap all of our gifts.
And two seconds before we started, Sass goes, my gift's not wrapped.
They're like, well, did you give it to Paige?
She was wrapping all the gifts.
He's like, no, I just put it in my coat.
So we have all the gifts wrapped and then Sass's coat.
If you could just zoom.
And then you were like, my gift sucks?
My gift does suck, and I feel bad about it, but I had a better gift.
I left it at the hotel, though.
So you get double gift.
I'll double gift. Double gift.
So this set looks amazing in here, but I just gotta ask, Titus, where's your holiday spirit, man?
I wasn't...
We need to do a holiday show
for every holiday. I know.
I can't wait for MLK day.
I know.
I thought your feet were actually gifts in the pile.
I think that's a gift too.
Yeah, I want that.
I want that pad.
There's a big one behind Titus too.
I have a feeling that's going to be hard to fly home with.
Oh, no.
So we have it.
We're missing KB.
Everyone has that family member that's always late.
Also, we have two surprises. what i've already told you guys about
i have a surprise christmas wheel that people can opt into and i have one other surprise that
maybe we should start with should we start with a surprise i think we started very nice um i've
texted the i've texted the the booth about the surprise. It might take a minute. We'll yak and the surprise will happen.
Okay.
Okay?
Amazing.
I'm excited.
Yeah, super excited.
Can you give us any hints about your second surprise while we're waiting on the first surprise?
There's a wheel that I've made.
It's called Big Cat's Christmas Wheel, and it is built so people can play from home.
Oh.
All you need is one two things
very easy
to get both things
and anyone who wants to opt in is allowed
to play but if you choose to not
opt in you are then not
allowed to join
I might opt out
I'm already ready to opt in
you want to opt out with me?
yeah big time
you can absolutely opt out oh me? Yeah, big time. You're fine.
You can absolutely opt out.
Oh, fuck.
Wait, he's not disappointed enough.
Yeah.
No, it's got to be like some sort of.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, B.
That's my surprise.
KB was going to come in.
Oh.
Damn.
Damn.
You look fly as hell.
What's that beanie?
What room were you sitting in waiting for us to start?
I wasn't.
It's amazing.
Woo!
We just started two seconds ago.
It was not live, though.
Yeah, no.
You guys could have texted me, like, hey.
We did.
I did.
Yeah, we did.
We said, though, it's like every-
You can just start now.
All right, welcome in.
Use it.
Thank you.
No, I said that every family has that one guy.
Oh, yeah, my bad.
Gym or weed?
Which one is it?
Gym or weed?
Did you have too much weed or did you have too much gym?
I would never smoke before this show.
You've had before?
Maybe once.
You smoked at 6 in the morning that one time.
That was it, yeah.
I wouldn't be able to speak.
That was gym. You were at 6 in the morning that one time. That was it, yeah. I wouldn't be able to speak. That was Jim.
You were at the gym?
No, I had to go to Macy's.
Wait, for the sweater you're wearing now?
I had to get some things for the gifts.
Yo, is it?
Wait, one second.
Oh!
Santa's here.
Santa's here. Santa's here.
Wow.
Unbelievable.
What the hell?
TJ, should we open the door real quick so we can wheel in her gift?
That's my fault.
Stay out there.
No, we'll wheel it in.
Who could that be?
That's even better.
It's Santa.
Surprise number one. What a surprise. You's Santa! That's a surprise number one.
What a surprise.
You knew Santa had to come.
Santa's been on maternity leave.
That's right.
That's progressive as hell.
Santa's on maternity leave.
Good boys and boys.
Luke, help TJ wheel in the big gift that Santa brought for all of us.
What a beautiful gift.
Santa, so good to see you.
How has your entire year been since we saw you last year?
Pretty chilly.
Santa's here.
Yes.
Hemorrhoids.
Yeah.
Oh, Santa.
Jesus Christ.
Santa, we don't need to hear that.
That was her first words back on the jack.
What the fuck is in that massive box?
Be extra careful with my pants.
It used to be a baby.
It used to be a baby.
I thought I was under the impression it was a baby.
The child was in there.
I swear it's not my baby.
How is Buckshot?
He's actually here.
Is he?
Is that him?
Oh, that's awesome.
Good luck.
Santa, stop by.
You can leave it right there.
He's unnaturally handsome.
I know. I don't understand it.
So what do you have for us, Santa?
Well, actually, no. First of all, we miss you very much.
Thanks. I miss you. I watch the show. I feel like a loser.
I try not to go in the chat.
Have we gotten-
Luke sucks, by the way.
Have we gotten too misogynistic without you around?
No, I think you could up it.
Okay.
You could up it a little bit more.
Say no more, slut.
Thanks, Cunt.
Speaking of misogynistic, I have been getting messages from the Lady Yakkers saying they do miss me.
A couple of them, at least.
So I have a special Christmas present specifically for the Lady Yakkers.
Maybe that's what I brought.
Maybe it's not for you guys.
And I also wanted to combine it with who sang a song last year beautifully but it's not here with us this year
tyler tyler oh man talk about something that didn't go well we have the empire state building
right so i thought i would sing a song i think i'm gonna do silent night something like that okay
um and so you can sing along with me you don't have to but i'm gonna sing that for you guys and
then i'm gonna go because my baby's here.
Let's talk
about breastfeeding. I'm breastfeeding him.
I'm going to take the bottle.
If you guys want to sing, they're down here
somewhere.
I'm going to
talk about my tits.
What happened to your beard, Santa?
I think I accidentally bought you an extra large suit.
No, it was needed.
We were used to old you.
I haven't bounced back yet.
But I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to sing.
I hope it's not weird.
There's no joke to it.
I'm going to sing Silent Night.
Should we get like a karaoke and you put the headphones on?
You want the music behind it or are you going to go acapella?
Yeah.
Maybe less weird.
Okay.
Here we go.
I'm going to do it.
That was fast, AJ.
Oh, the music's already up.
Tell me when to start.
Violent night.
Holy night.
All is calm.
Oh, my God. I look like shit. All is gone. Oh my god, I look like shit.
All is
right.
Clown, young
virgin,
mother and
child. Some of these are the exact
cards from Love Actually.
It's a reference.
It's so tender
and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
No.
Silent night. Silent night.
All is calm.
All is bright.
Sound young virgin.
Mother and child Holy
in the
desert
mile
Sleep
in heavenly
peace
Sleep
in heavenly peace.
Tiny child, smallest child.
Heaven's big,. Young child.
Mother.
And child.
Holy infant.
So tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Thanks, guys.
That was beautiful.
Hey, Paige.
What's up, Paige?
Thank you.
My headlights? Headlights? Oh, Paige. What's up, Paige? Thank you. My headlights are off.
Headlights?
Oh, shit.
Time out.
I'm in driver's.
I'm right back.
I swear to God, I will be right back.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
I want to do another song.
It'll be fast.
You'll be right back.
Amazing.
That was hilarious.
I love you.
All right.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
30 seconds.
See you in a second.
Bring him on.
Yes.
Bring your son on.
Yes.
Come back and bring your son on.
Perfect.
See you in a second. See you in a second. Buckshot on. Yes, bring your son on. Yes, come back and bring your son on. Perfect.
See you in a second. Perfect.
Buckshot.
Wow, what a welcome.
Great seeing Santa.
Great seeing Santa.
Come back and just sing like that.
I miss Kate.
The long-ass song.
It was weird that she was just singing.
Yeah.
I thought she was going to stop.
We were freestyling. I thought it was going to stop. We were freestyling.
I thought there was going to be more to it.
That was it.
What did we do?
Should we start?
Yeah, let's start.
And when she comes back, we'll finish talking to her.
Perfect.
Seeing everything.
I thought headlights was like another breastfeeding joke.
I did too.
Probably is.
Yeah, she probably used to go breastfeed.
That's just funny though.
Damn, legendary.
Wow, so good to see Kate.
I know.
How long does maternity leave last?
Four months?
Six?
We got to ask her.
Four.
What is this, Europe?
Four.
How long is put to be a week?
That was 12 hours.
I think it's while you're fucking Thanks Harry
My kids were actually born on Wednesdays and Fridays
So I didn't have to
My first son was 12 hours
That was by design for sure
So I didn't have to do PMT
They respected your schedule?
Yeah they did, they respected the schedule
They respected what was up.
Actually, no.
I was in West Virginia for my third son.
That's right.
Was that?
Yeah, yeah.
Got to the green room.
Got the national anthem off.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, my water broke.
Oh, shit.
Particularly good national anthem that year.
My bad.
It was great.
Nothing happened.
It was a lot of passion.
Look at all these gifts.
You landed, sang, and left, right?
Yes.
Yes. That was a lot of passion. Look at all these gifts. You landed, sang, and left, right? Yes.
Yes.
That was especially a scary time.
We had to have bought up 80% of the Star of David wrapping paper in Chicago.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a Christmas special.
I like the representation, but we didn't need to do that.
Hanukkah is long over.
Hanukkah has passed.
We got a problem.
My gift is upstairs.
Oh, no.
You guys are going to know.
Is it that?
No, just tell where it is.
Paige will go get it and wrap it. I already put it in a gift bag with that wrapping.
All right, so tell Paige.
Oh, so we will know.
So tell Paige and she'll put it in a box. Well, Kyle's was homemade. I don't fucking want that wrapping. All right, so tell Paige. Oh, so we will know. So tell Paige and she'll put it in a box.
Well, Kyle's was homemade.
I don't fucking want that shit.
Mm-hmm.
I do, I do, I do.
Tell Paige to put it in a box.
Okay, yeah, I mean, I feel bad, but...
No.
Well, what?
She's been awesome.
I feel like there's too many gifts.
There might be.
We also don't know what...
No, because Zah, Steven, TJ, 11.
There should be 11 gifts.
Yeah, there's too many.
No, there's 10.
No, there's 10.
This is 11.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
And when we start the gifts.
12.
12, yeah, that's 12.
We have to wait until Kate gets back so that she can open her gift.
What are we going to do with her son?
Do we just talk to him?
Is he going to come on?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, we'll talk to him.
What do you talk about with a newborn child?
He's not going to get any of our jokes.
Maybe Brandon's.
Gaga?
Brandon, you should play golf against Kate's babies.
Why?
Sass.
Hold on.
We played two matches on the
simulator. I won the first one. You won the second one.
Why are you acting like the second one's all that counted?
Because I was much more warmed up and
we played for double the amount of holes.
We only played two holes the first time we played.
Incorrect. We played like five holes both times.
Not correct, brother. I chipped in.
Not correct.
Incorrect.
Damn, is Sass the new stick of the office?
I think so.
Not Francis.
Brandon is a one-trick pony.
He's got the greatest drive of all time.
Is it the greatest drive of all time?
It's pretty goddamn good.
Pretty damn good.
Because my drive is like 20 yards shorter than his, and mine actually—
You don't even hit the driver, Sass.
You hit a four-iron.
That's pussy shit.
And it goes—
And, dude, your driver went you're talking about 30 yards my worst drive went
30 yards yes that's exactly what i'm talking about oh it's good to it's good to have everyone
here christmas special that's part of vibes are high argument between family members yeah
yeah actually i forgot to say that if you uh if you start the yak exactly at 8 o'clock at night on Christmas Eve,
we will crescendo when your first family fight happens.
Sass and Brandon will play this fight.
That's right.
So it will be perfectly lined up.
That's our promise.
Are there any yak families out there?
Yeah.
They're going to sit down on Christmas Eve and watch?
Oh, yeah.
The Hitchings family?
Ah.
The number one yak family.
Sass didn't hear that, but he just laughed along.
Yes.
Yeah.
He had no idea.
Oh, I gotcha.
I had some ideas in my head.
What's your idea?
Yeah, what'd you think?
Don't worry about it.
You're such an asshole, bro.
I could have let him get away with it.
There's probably young families that-
I fuck with that lid, bro. Huh? I fuck with that lid. Thank you, bro. I fuck with your lid. Just had to get away with it. There's probably young families that... I fuck with that lid, bro.
Huh?
I fuck with that lid.
Thank you, bro.
I fuck with your lid.
Just had to get that out there.
You're a legend for that.
But there's probably young families who birthed a child while they were listening to the act together.
You think we have any dink families?
Ooh.
Duel income dope.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a dink.
I'm a dink.
I'm a dink.
I get to eat out. No, no. Yeah, I go to Whole Foods. Yeah. I'm a dink. I'm a dink. I'm a dink. I'm a dink. I'm a dink. I get to eat out.
No, no.
Yeah, I go to Whole Foods.
Yeah.
It's lesbian.
Why would dink be lesbian?
I think dink would be gay couple.
That whole trend was the perfect thing that sucked about every part of the internet.
Yeah, that was awful.
Because it was like those people sucked, but then it was also all the people that jumped
in that were like, actually having children is the only thing we're on earth to do.
Yeah, you're ruining the traditional family household.
It's okay to be normal in the middle where it's like,
yeah, I love having kids, but there's sometimes I wish I was a dink.
Yeah, sometimes.
And I bet you there's sometimes dinks are like, I wish I had kids.
Yeah, I wish I had a purpose in life.
Yeah.
Or just not caring if somebody chooses not to have kids.
Yeah, right.
I don't care.
Mind your own business.
But they go viral as hell.
They've been popping up everywhere.
The Dinks?
Yeah.
That was Doug.
His neighbor was Mr. and Mrs. Dink.
Oh, they were.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
And they had all the gadgets.
That's right.
Have you guys ever seen the Christmas movie where it's like Heat Miser and-
The Year Without a Santa Claus. Yeah. Oh, yes. The voice of the Christmas movie where it's like Heat Miser and A Year Without a Santa Claus
The voice of the Christmas Miser's name is Dick Sean
Is that like Claymation?
Yeah
I love Claymation
I used to make Claymation
Oh big nerd
Claymation pisses me off
I have like five seasons of this Claymation I made called Hammer Man
So when are we going to watch?
I have them all on VHS at home.
Okay.
So when are we going to watch?
I'll bring them in.
You should sell that to Comedy Central.
Yeah, man, why not?
Why didn't I fucking think of that?
Wait, how old were you when you did it?
Eighth and ninth grade.
Oh my God, I can't wait to watch it.
Imagine if it was you writing.
It took so long.
You writing like dramatic dialogue for a claymation.
There was a sex scene between a hammer and a mallet.
That's kind of funny.
Thanks, man.
Is that getting nailed?
I didn't think of that, no.
Shit.
Wallace and Gromit sucked, though.
I don't know how that got so big.
Not when they went to the moon when it was made of cheese.
No, that sucked.
I love claymation.
Oh, I can't get into it at all.
I'm familiar with the heat minds. You ever heard of Nick Mullen, Wallace and Gromit bit?
It's just him just doing gay Wallace and Gromit.
Go figure.
Fuck my ass, Gromit.
It plays.
It plays.
That is damn good.
I wish I had thought of that.
Fuck, what a genius.
Starting for the Vikings.
Yeah.
Spark.
He was a spark.
Why are they pulling Dobbs?
He stinks.
And he's getting everybody hurt.
Yeah, I'd say that's probably why.
He's had some moments, though.
Yeah, but he's not good.
People, like, when he added that first game, everyone was like, they might win the Super Bowl.
A good rule about quarterbacks.
NFL.
Yeah, but a good rule about quarterbacks is, like, if they've played a decent amount and they're not, like, a starter somewhere,
they probably stink.
Yeah, that makes sense.
He would have been smart to, like, break his leg after three games.
That's what I always say.
Like, as soon as a guy gets in, you have two good games,
just go out with an injury.
Yeah.
And just live that backup life.
Like the old Matt Flynn had it best.
Oh, yeah.
Teams used to be able to flip a guy for like a second-round pick
if he had five good games.
Yeah.
AJ Feely.
Yeah, didn't Matt Castle.
Matt Castle.
Matt Castle.
He started for the Chiefs for a while.
Matt Flynn.
Matt Flynn, yeah.
Matt Flynn.
He was the other one.
Matt Castle wasn't terrible, though.
Yeah, no, he wasn't bad.
He started for Brock Osweiler.
Yeah.
Who's the Gwyneth Paltrow backup quarterback?
What?
You think of a backup quarterback.
Jim Sorge.
You don't think of one.
Who are you thinking of?
Brian Hoyer. Oh, man. Gardner Mins quarterback. Jim Sorge. You don't think of one. Who are you thinking of? Brian Hoyer.
Man.
Gardner Minshew.
Jim Sorge.
Chase Daniel.
Chase Daniel.
He started a game every single year when Peyton Manning would sit out the last game.
Jim Sorge would start week 16 or week 17.
Yeah, but Chase Daniel, I think there's like a stat that he's been paid like $3 million
per touchdown pass.
That's awesome.
Because he's like 15 touchdown passes and he's made $45 million.
Colt McCoy's had a hell of a backup.
Yeah, he was a backup for like 15 years.
Is he still in the league?
No, he just retired.
Yeah.
Crazy.
Yeah, he got to live in San Diego.
Yeah.
Just chilling.
He's just hanging out.
What do you think the worst team to play for would be location-wise?
Green Bay.
Green Bay.
It's not even close.
Why?
It's Green Bay.
It's freezing cold and there's nothing to do.
What about Buffalo?
Buffalo's got winds.
It's a fun city.
It is?
Yeah, they like football.
There's people there.
Green Bay likes football.
Green Bay loves football.
What the fuck?
What the fuck? What the fuck?
No.
What the hell?
What the hell is this?
What is going on?
Kate got us a Wayfair kit.
Wait, you were in here?
You got smoked.
Kate left, buddy.
You get out.
You get out.
Dude, you were crammed in there.
There's no way she'll have their headlights on.
It was the Colt McCoy conversation that got you to pass out.
You'll be fine for a day.
$7.50, you'll be fine for a day.
It's Christmas.
Oh, man.
That was fucking incredible.
That was so good.
Goddamn, Kate.
Big Cat, did you know that was going to happen?
Yes.
Oh, that was surprise number one.
Well, she had to help set it up.
I was like, she was talking through it, and she was going to just never say the word.
That's so good.
I was like, but he'll bust out right away.
So I was like, get Paige to say your headlights are on.
What a fucking cameo from Kate.
Unbelievable.
That was so good.
He's putting on his jams.
He's going home.
He's walking in his jams.
He's getting the fuck out.
Oh, man.
He had such a rough day, too.
Wait, did you come in here just for that
he said yes no here's the best part kate so kate and i were texting before because we almost had a problem with uh uh scheduling because nicky smokes has a date tonight i don't know if
you saw he was wearing his date shirt yeah oh yeah and he texted kate and. I don't know if you saw, he was wearing his date shirt. Yeah. Oh yeah. And he texted Kate and said,
uh,
don't hate me,
but I have a date tonight at eight.
I really like her.
I'm not just trying to fuck her.
Yeah.
It's seven 52.
Yeah.
It's seven 52.
Is that why he said,
what time is it?
When he popped out.
I thought he 100% would have had his phone in there or something.
A book.
He was just sitting in there with nothing.
He went way longer than he should have. Any person should have.
I thought as soon as the headlights thing happened,
I thought he was going to get out and be like, wait, where are you going?
That was so perfect.
I couldn't focus on anything else.
I'm tired of sitting there.
Imagine explaining why you're late to the date, i was in a box whose box i feel like we could have made that go for a long time well yeah
like oh shit kate had to move her car yeah oh man that was so good that was very uncomfortable in
there too oh look how small that thing was how he was like this for the last and he also we started
the show he was already in the box when we started the show oh so he's been he was in this and he also we started the show
he was already in the box when we started the show
so he was in that box for like 35 minutes
that's crazy
he's going to wake up like sore
he got smoked
that was a 100 out of 100 cameo
I love how that was his first thing
he said
yeah
how long were you
in that box for?
It felt like an hour.
I think it was close.
It was an hour?
Say he's waiting for me
to say the code word.
Yeah, see that?
He's waiting for me
to say the code word
and then he said,
but I'll never say
the code word.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, he got us
figured out.
Yeah.
Incredible prank. Have a good date, though, bro. Yeah figured out. Yeah, incredible prank.
Have a good date, though, bro.
Yeah, hey, you're not trying to fuck, but.
She told you that, too?
Yeah.
That's embarrassing.
Real quick, Nick.
Nick, come here.
Come here real quick.
You got caught not trying to fuck.
Wait, don't worry.
This is your reputation.
You got caught not trying to fuck. Don't worry. worry. This is your reputation. You got caught not trying to fuck.
Don't worry.
This isn't going out.
This isn't live.
That's fine.
But, Nicky, what if she does try to fuck?
Then I'll lay a stick.
Okay, all right.
You lay a stick.
Call us after you fuck.
We might still be doing this.
Yeah, call us after you fuck.
And slide back through.
Yeah, put her in a box.
Put it in her box.
All right, have fun nicky kind
of fucked up you're not trying to fuck he said all right i'm piecing this together
he's also reading it out of order so wait we're headlights on or no like what
dude what's he trying to go on that was a, what? Dude, imagine trying to go on a...
The box a lie?
The box not real?
Imagine trying to go on a date and not trying to fuck?
He likes her.
Could not be me.
I just love that qualifier.
I'm going on a date and not trying to fuck.
That's how much I like her.
He texts that to, like, a woman co-worker he barely knows.
Just say you're going on a date.
Yeah.
You got a date.
That's how serious he is about this.
I'm not trying to fuck.
That was so great.
With him getting caught not trying to fuck.
Busted.
He's like, bro, she told you.
Fuck.
He gets legitimately mad when we say, like, yo, the streets are saying you don't get a lot of pussy.
I mean, he does, though.
Yeah.
That's the problem.
Sass and Ron, do you guys have a lot of interactions with Nicky Smokes?, he does, though. Yeah. That's the problem. Sass and Roan,
do you guys have a lot of interactions
with Nicky Smokes?
Just when I've been out here.
That's it?
Yeah.
He shines brighter than in person
than he does on camera, I think.
I think that he has a little bit
of a charming quality
when you meet him in person.
When you see him on camera,
you're like, oh, man.
Yep.
Good review.
Oh, man.
Yeah, that's exactly right. He is a... That will like tweet me being like don't let nikki smokes
on the yak he's a douchebag it's like no no we know yeah he's a douchebag it's been if you weren't
wouldn't be on the yeah right he's also a great dude though yeah he is that's um i like that gets
we're just telling that about everyone.
Everyone's a good dude.
I don't know if he's a good dude.
I think he has a good heart.
I don't think he's a bad person.
You guys know anyone with a bad heart?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, definitely.
Kind of me.
No, you don't have a bad heart.
Everyone's got a little Grinch heart.
If you were reincarnated as him tomorrow, what would your move be?
What do you mean?
Dump sack? Fuck that girl. Fuck everything. Fuck everything that moves. If you were reincarnated as him tomorrow, what would your move be? What do you mean?
Dump sack?
Fuck that girl.
Fuck everything.
Fuck everything that moves.
Oh, man, I would totally dump sack all over the place.
After the basketball game, though, he had, like, he had baddies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He has baddies.
I feel like there's, like, a perception that he's, like, overselling it, that he doesn't have baddies. No, he's got baddies yeah yeah he has baddies i feel like there's like a perception that he's like overselling it that he doesn't have baddies no he's got bad he does yeah he has baddies i i mean he he moved
to chicago and like maybe two weeks after we did that live golf thing and one of the girls who was
like showing us around was like do you know nikki smokes i was like yeah why are you from florida
she's like no i just met him last week i was like what yeah. Why are you from Florida? She's like, no, I just met him last week. I was like, what? Yeah.
Yeah. He has baddies.
Okay.
And then she fell in love with me and ruined it for Nikki smokes.
Uh,
Oh,
that was,
yeah,
that always happens.
Class.
I'm pretty sure his sister has a crush on me too.
Nikki smokes.
She told me that.
Big cat,
I don't ask for much.
He has a sister.
What?
That'd be the all time smoked,
wouldn't it?
Dude,
we should all fuck his sister.
What if when he popped out of the box, we were just all...
Dick!
You guys are talking about Jim Sorge
and fucking... You got smokes, bitch!
Best part is he'd probably be like,
sick, you guys are getting pussy.
I'm piecing it together.
My sister's here.
God damn, you got some juicy yams
also i love how that that prank was pretty like if if you just went through it of it it's pretty
mediocre prank it's not a prank popping out of the box well like he couldn't get out of that box
no it was a terrible literally would have resulted in him like we would have heard a noise and looked
over and he'd be like trying to crawl right right if they'd gone his plan it would have been the lamest thing ever yeah what did he agree to he
said he's gonna have a rose in his hand yeah come out i'm gonna give you as a box and i'm gonna rose
keith yeah we're he is very smart and she basically was like she knows how dumb he is so she was like
we're gonna prank the yak guys and you're to jump out of a box with a rose.
Incredible.
And he's like, yes, I'm in.
Damn, what could be in that moving, really heavy box they had to wheel in?
Did you guys know?
I heard shit coming from the box.
Oh, I did.
Oh, I was like, oh, someone's in the box.
I thought it was going to be Spider, to be honest, because I was like, that's the only person that could fit in that box.
Oh, fuck. So good. All right. Well right well merry christmas everyone what should we do next we could yak for a while that was surprise
one huh yeah well i do have the surprise wheel we have gifts too that we have to figure out what the
fuck we're gonna do with i want presents man you want to do presents already maybe i want to know
what's that big boy yeah we, we should wait. Whoa.
Yeah, I want that.
I want it worse, man. What do you guys think it's going to be?
There's that one, too.
Yeah, I know.
A rolled up carpet?
Holy shit, I want either.
He's going to be late for his date.
I don't know.
Hey, Nicky, when's the date?
He's casually walking across the basketball court.
It's great that he's going on a date with his nicest dolphin starter jacket.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to really impress this girl.
You're going to go play table hockey?
Get a couple sodas and some slices.
What do you think a date is like for him?
It can't be like going out to a dinner.
It's got to be just going and getting unbelievably fucked up somewhere.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like appetizers to a dinner it's got to be just going and getting like unbelievably fucked up yeah it's like appetizers is shotski yeah i'd put a little beer pong i was talking to him about it
he's like dinner's awkward just bring me to a bar that's where i feel comfortable
oh man so how are we going to decide who gets what that's what we have to figure out i think
we have to gamify it somehow s think we should do a round of golf
Let's play a full game
Quick 18
Do we do it with steels?
Do we do wheel?
We did wheels with steels last year, correct?
I don't remember
Wheels and steels?
We definitely did wheel what i
remember all right i have another element but it could be verbally said with my gift your gift is
verbal confusing yeah part of it is going to be verbal well he did get homemade all right yeah
kyle just gives us a think about that is that a prop gift or is that a gift that's got to be a
prop oh maybe one of these is a prop gift oh yeah because there's weights there's 11 or there's if somebody one of them
has a kitten in it yeah if somebody accidentally picks a prop gift is that just their gift
oh oh we should throw the prop gifts well yeah we all know that could be a fun element
wrapping papers prop never mind i think we do i think we should do wheel for gifts but you can't
open until there's
steals. Yeah.
So we don't know what's in them.
And then one extra steal when it's
open. This is going to suck if we get our own
wheel to get to
decide your gift. Yeah you get to pick a gift
then we do the steals after.
Yeah without opening it. I don't think everyone should
get to steal though. If everybody gets
to steal. I think we spin the wheel
six times.
And we'll
so
two
I've drank too much already.
Booze you lose.
You're okay.
Do we have
hard liquor?
I'm sure somewhere.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I think there's
isn't there
hard liquor over there?
Maybe let me know
if I can get you a Diet Coke.
It's going to be funny because by the time this airs,
you're going to be so off the wagon.
I'd actually love a Diet Coke, Seth.
Day 19 guys are the cockiest dudes.
I'm day 20.
My day in that range, you become the biggest arrogant asshole.
But enjoy it.
Did you just offer a fake Diet Coke?
No, this is empty. Yeah, you just offer a fake Diet Coke? No, this is empty.
Yeah, you offer KB a Diet Coke.
I was more just trying to make it known that I'm not drinking.
He's a Day 19 guy.
Day 19 guy.
He's a Day 19 guy.
He doesn't even have a chip.
The community is thriving at Day 19.
No, it is the best possible situation.
It's a good group of guys.
You know what would be awesome, though?
We're all keeping each other above the water.
We just spin the wheel.
Let's say it lands on me, and then it lands on Big Cat.
We have to swap gifts.
We'll do that three times.
I like that.
Yeah.
Should we do the gifts right now, though?
It's too early.
No, no, no.
It's too early.
It's way too early.
We've got to find that hard liquor for KB.
Yeah, we've got to find that.
I don't know.
I'm good.
I can just do like a
pirate water. What about
high noon? High noon, you mean.
We have high noon? Yeah.
Let me just do that one.
Let's do some hard liquor, though. Let's find something like
blackberry brandy, KB.
I'll take a lap. I'll find something. I remember last
time we drank so much eggnog. Blackberry
brandy. Doesn't that sound nice?
Sounds really nice, man.
Are you pregnant? Yeah, it was a very specific craving of pickles and peanut butter great if there's a yeah craving just liquor you know you know
that pregnant women crave liquor yeah for sure when can you got it right they have to when can
women start uh boozing again after they It depends on if they're breastfeeding.
So if they're breastfeeding, do they have to wait like another six months?
Yeah, or they do the pump and dump.
Oh, my God.
That is brutal.
Do women drink wine when they're pregnant now?
Is that like a new thing? I think like a glass.
Your baby comes out Italian.
I was at a wedding.
I saw a pregnant woman drinking wine, and I was like, is anyone else going to freak out about this?
I think it's like gone full spectrum where there was a...
It makes no sense.
It makes no sense, right?
I know a plot that I didn't understand in Succession either.
Oh, yeah.
She was doing coke.
When she's just hammering down drinks the whole time.
She was doing coke?
Yeah.
And they never...
No one ever was mad at her.
Yeah, shit.
I think it's gone full circle, though, where there was a long stretch where they basically were like, everything's bad for you.
And now it's back to normal.
Moderation's fine.
Okay.
Women are not supposed to drink coffee when they're pregnant.
And everyone's like, no, you can have a half a cup of coffee.
Or have lunch meat.
Yeah, lunch meat.
Really?
Yeah.
Lunch meat's insane.
Lunch meat, any type of fish. What do you got, Steven? In the 60s, they used to just eat raw hamburger meat. Really? Yeah. Lunch meat's insane. Lunch meat, any type of fish. What do you got, Stephen?
In the 60s, they used to just like eat
raw like hamburger meat. Right.
Wait, what? Who?
The pregnant woman. They used to eat raw liver?
Wait, what? Raw hamburger meat? Raw hamburger meat.
Are you just trying to guess? Yeah.
But it was like a thing.
Yeah, Mad Men covered it too.
It was in the series.
Interesting. How much of your knowledge about the 60s is from Mad Men? it too. It was in the series. Oh, interesting.
How much of your knowledge about the 60s is from Mad Men?
Exclusive.
Okay.
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
Damn, I need some fucking Blackberry Brandy.
Now that I start thinking about Blackberry Brandy.
Yeah, it sounds like it would hit.
Fuck. No, the tightest it's funny because it's how fucked up our society is.
There's so many restrictions on what pregnant women can and can't eat and all this shit,
but it ends up being the anxiety and stress of having to monitor everything is way unhealthier
for the baby than any of the stuff.
Well, that and you're going to vaccinate your baby and then he's fucked.
Yeah, right.
That's true.
Just cancel out everything.
Might as well just eat the turkey.
Eat the turkey.
Might as well just fucking smoke crack If you're gonna vaccinate your baby
Smoke crack
Literally
No difference
Oh
Oh
Shit
What the hell
Dang
We're not supposed to make attention to it
But we are
So Kate's just out of here
We can't hang out with her a little
Yeah
She
She has her baby with her, and she's breastfeeding,
and probably the baby's not sleeping.
I think she's probably home by now.
Also, that's for the best.
I love Kate, but the way that all went down is perfect.
It was so perfect.
She left on the highest of high notes.
Absolutely perfect.
Leave you wanting more.
Do you guys want to do my opt-in wheel?
Yes.
Who's that?
Titus, you didn't say whether you're opting in or not.
I was thinking about it.
I was trying to get a read on the room.
What are the cool guys doing?
Me and Sass are opting out.
Yes, Sass are opting out.
No, but I'm only going to ask one question about the wheel.
You can ask a question.
I don't have to answer it.
Is wet on it?
I don't have to answer it.
It's on it.
I'm out.
You know what? I'll opt in. I'm not a pussy. All right,'s on it. I'm out. You know what?
I'll opt in. I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy
bitch. So I'll opt in.
I'm fully in.
Again, this is...
Opt out. This is a wheel that everyone can play at
home on Christmas Eve. Okay, then
I'm in. Big Cat's Christmas wheel.
I'm in. I know Mousetrap's gonna be on it.
It has to be. Who wants to be...
I have space for two more in the booth.
Should we opt out of that?
John, Steven?
TJ, you cool not?
Opting.
TJ knows what's on it.
I know it's an opt-in.
For the record, I would have opted in.
Yeah.
All right, we're opting in.
All right, so everyone's in.
Who else is in?
No, no, you guys are out.
You guys are already out.
You guys are out.
You guys are out.
You fist bumped over it.
You guys took a celebratory lap over it.
Take it back.
Okay, so TJ, make a wheel of everyone who's opted in.
We'll spin that.
When their name hits, we'll then go to...
If it's good, why would we have to opt in?
Raise your hand if you're in.
Because I didn't want people to opt out and then opt in after.
You're such a pussy.
Why am I a pussy?
I'm in.
Nine people.
There's nine slices.
I don't know if I want to be in.
I don't know if I want to be in either. I'm out. You want to be in. Nine people. There's nine slices. I don't know if I want to be in. I don't know if I want to be in either.
I'm out.
You want to be in. Come on.
Big break. Be in. I'll be in. I'll be in.
Okay. I could have some sort of rush.
I mean, listen. There's probably going to be a couple shitty ones
like Mousetrap, but somebody's getting at least hundreds
of dollars. Yeah. Right? Yeah.
But how could you play at home? I don't know.
How could everybody
watching at home? They could easily play. They don't don't know. How could everybody watching at home?
They could easily play.
They don't have to play with it.
If they hit $100.
They don't have to play with the same amount.
Not the same unit size.
Amount.
Unless it's like throw away one of the gifts.
They don't have to play with the same amount.
You can change.
You can't change half of the wheel, but you can change the amount on some of it.
All right, TJ, everyone's opted in.
So spin the wheel with everyone on their name on it.
I'm obviously not in it.
What?
Alright, I got my own wheel too.
TJ, I'll send it over in a second.
Do it.
Okay, so whoever
gets this will get the first spin of
the wheel. So the last chance to opt
out if you want your name on it.
You know what? Fuck it. I your name out. You know what?
Fuck it.
I'll opt out.
Are you seriously?
No, I'm back in.
Yeah.
Okay.
I just want one person out that has to watch and have the foam up.
I should have opted out.
He's up first.
Swag.
Okay.
Real one.
So the wheel.
I have $2,000.
See?
Uh-huh.
I just know this is not good.
Well, there's a twist.
There's four slices
with $500.
Okay. There's four slices with something
else, and there's one final slice.
So there's nine people.
Everyone will get a slice.
Wet mousetrap.
No, not wet mousetrap.
It's simple.
Again, it's so people
can play at home.
All right, go ahead, TJ.
Okay.
Slices are as such.
Win $500.
God damn it, Big Cat
And $500 to Big Cat
You can easily play at home
You can do it $5
You can't play at home, fuck
Everyone gets one slice
Maybe he gets the first slice
Nobody with available mousetraps at home
Has $2,000 to dish out
Again, they play with $5 If you have a mousetrapps at home has $2,000 to dish out. Again, they pay $5.
Yeah, right.
If you have a mousetrap, you don't have $500.
Can we get a mousetrap out here, Steve and Shay?
They're in the box to your left.
It hurts bad.
Big hat on the floor to your left.
Doesn't feel good.
KB, can I see your credit card?
Brandon.
You have to do your finger?
Yeah.
You can't do a toe?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, you can do a toe.
Do a toe.
I think toe would be way worse. It's locked.
Listen, you have a
almost 50% chance to win
$500 cash right now. Well, is it off the wheel if you
get it? Yeah, it goes off the wheel. There's nine
slices, nine people.
You son of a bitch.
Wait a minute, nine people. So somebody's getting $500
to big cap. Yes.
You're guaranteeing yourself.
I give you $500.
You gave us the chance to opt out.
I give you $500 right now and opt out.
Yeah.
So you have no chance to win?
Yeah, that's fair.
That's assing, dude.
Yeah, that's great.
I love negotiating.
That's fair.
You're a gambling man.
Come on, dude.
I don't want to.
This is how Dave feels.
Negotiating against Seth.
Yeah, Seth. Yeah, if that's your negotiating.
Can I just pay you $500,000?
Dave, I'll just give you several hundred thousand dollars.
There's a chance you could win $500,000.
I don't want to get the mousetrap, though.
It's not that bad.
You might not.
You have a 50% chance.
All right.
Everyone opted in.
All right, KB.
I know KB's excited about this.
Yeah.
Is that fired up right now? Yeah, throw it. I know KB's excited about this. Yeah. Is that fired up right now?
Yeah, throw it to him.
Yeah, throw it to him.
It's not bad.
Okay, spin it for KB.
I need all the mousetraps off.
I would like anyone who tweets me that they're playing this at home on Christmas Eve, I'll reach you.
Hey, I was playing at home and I won $500.
You could do a total different amount of money.
It'd be $10.
I had to put my kid's finger in a mousetrap.
He fucking hates Christmas now.
Oh, this is electric.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Fuck yes. Fuck yes
Fuck yes
Feeling good now
The evil run for Big Cat
You mean to Venmo you?
Yeah, yeah
Can I add a wrinkle?
I don't think that should go off the wheel
Oh, no
Definitely not
I agree
I agree
I don't think it should stay on
I think it should stay
Alright, you know what?
Let's do this.
KB, don't vet my wheel yet.
No, yes.
No, no.
If it lands on the wheel, they split it.
Yeah, exactly.
So if someone else gets it, then you now both get me two.
It would be funny if you got like $1,000.
All right, fine.
You want to keep it on?
How is that funny, Nick?
That's not funny at all.
Who's laughing at that?
I would laugh.
I would laugh.
That's kind of funny.
It's funny, Nick.
All right, brother. You're supposed to be funny. All right, vote for whether it stays on or not. That's kind of funny. It's funny, Nick. All right, brother.
You're supposed to be a funny guy.
All right, vote for whether it stays on or not.
That's not funny.
I'm keeping this one public.
On.
On.
Yeah, keep it public.
On.
On.
On.
On.
I say off.
It says on.
Brandon, if it stays on, there's less chance of mousetrap.
There's four ons.
I don't know.
Wait, what do you mean on?
Keep the big Cat 500 on.
Alright, so we're keeping it on.
So you could hypothetically make like $4,000?
That would be fun, yeah.
It's a gamble,
brother. We did this, right?
We had to cut it with Tommy.
Oh, yeah.
And I ended up getting money from everyone.
Yeah, when you got him hooked on cigarettes.
Or one person got money.
No, it's like I was
I can't remember why we had to
I think we had to cut it because Tommy
I was going to give him money.
Brandon, does Tommy believe in Santa Claus?
It's a sensitive subject in my house.
He's a little why?
There are some that
It's a mixed bag.
Think about what you just asked.
You just asked if Tommy Walker who I'm pretty sure knows exactly who did 9-11,
who knows all deep state secrets, believes in Santa Claus.
I mean, he's a creative guy.
I don't know.
Maybe he's got the imagination.
The other day, or last year before this, he asked me why Nixon took us off the gold standard.
Do you think he believes in that?
Santa Claus exists?
I don't know how old he is.
I don't know if he's like seven. He's 14 going on, yeah, like a 50-year-old CIA.
What did you tell him?
Because we're just in Wall Street's pocket?
He's 13.
I got one kid left that still believes in everything, so I got to protect that.
Got it.
Yeah.
So let's let him watch.
Let's add tell him to the wheel.
One of us has to call and tell him.
All right.
Who's up next?
None of y'all have met that one.
I'm up next.
That one.
No, we got to spin the wheel to see who's up next.
Huh?
So everything else will get taken off?
Everything else will get taken off?
Yes.
Okay.
God damn it.
Just you getting money stays home.
I mean, the vote was the vote big cat did not
actually propose that idea yeah they don't take bankrupt off the wheel of fortune true i don't
know if they do or not hey let's go jay let's go jay oh i don't like that clap yeah i don't want
him to win anything come on this is how it works j Che wins 500. I like how the best draft got retired for like maybe 24 hours.
Yeah.
Fucking Roan.
Roan brought it back.
Roan brought it back.
Middle finger.
Don't get your nail.
Just don't get your nail.
So where do you go?
Sideways.
Go sideways.
You want it to hit there.
Yeah.
What if you do right here?
Just get the $500. Just get the $500.
Sass is all the way back.
Sass is going to win the two grand.
It's not two grand.
There's no two grand on here.
There should be a two grand on there.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
What will Jay get?
Come on.
Oh, you got it.
This wheel sucks now.
I'm out.
Che.
Holy shit.
God fucking damn it.
That sucks.
Che, celebrate.
Oh, no.
What was that?
This is Christmas spirit.
Taking over.
Did he do Black Power?
No, he did like. That was the whitest Power? No, he did. He did, like.
That was the whitest thing.
Yeah, he did Joe DiMaggio in the Yankees outfield.
Oh.
500 bucks.
Is everyone having fun?
It would be awesome if he threw a party.
That was fun.
Well, yeah, you're the biggest.
Losing a parlay.
Yeah.
Why did we leave it on, Nick?
Yeah, we just take it off.
Yeah, why would you guys do that? Take it off. I don't understand the logic behind we must take it off. Why would you guys do that?
I don't understand the logic behind it.
Take it off.
There's no risk.
But it doesn't make sense.
It's still mousetrap.
Mousetrap.
It doesn't make sense being on.
Look at those two fat-ass mousetraps next to each other.
Oh, they're big.
Just like they are.
There's only three.
How about we just leave it off for everyone, but the people that want it on?
No.
I want three of them on.
Go ahead.
Spin again.
Ow.
Just squeeze your finger.
Mousetrap.
Pre-owling?
Pre-owling the mouse?
Oh, there's a big one.
All right.
Now, if Titus gets $500 a year, everyone else is so fucked.
Yeah.
If I get $500.
No, never mind.
I'm not going to say that yet.
Yeah, don't...
I'm going to see how everyone else treats me the rest of the show.
Oh, shit.
Are you thinking about giving back?
Yeah, I was going to give back, but we'll see.
I don't know.
All right.
What if I...
Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, there we go.
These motherfuckers.
Oh, my God. Fuck. I stop. Oh, there we go. He's a motherfucker. Oh, my God.
Fuck.
I'm going to opt out.
Yeah, tight as.
Let's go.
God damn it, I love it.
Fuck.
And then there were two.
You guys need a hot run on mouth.
Oh, man.
That is brutal.
I hope we just get four mouse traps.
Fuck.
I don't want to be next, right?
Yes, statistically you do not want to be next.
Why?
Why would you ask it like that?
You obviously want to be next. No.
The odds are getting mouse traps really high.
Mouse traps are fat right now.
All right, all right.
Here's what I'll do.
I'll trade someone a free steal of my gift for their spot.
Back on the wheel?
For their spot, yeah.
Because I want to make that money back.
Wait.
There's a chance I will.
But then if you swap him.
And then you get Mousetrapped.
Wait, that deal does not help you at all.
No, because there's still a chance I can win my money back.
Yes, there is.
That's the only thing I want right now.
All right, I'll trade.
I'll trade.
Wait, so what does that mean?
Does that mean that I have to pay?
Nah, I kind of want you to be on there.
Never mind.
Keep it going.
Can I have the deal?
Big Cat, what do you think? No, he's got to be on it. Keep it going. Can I have the deal? Big Cat, what do you think?
No, he's got to be on it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You got to be on it.
So who were you looking to step forward there?
I guess me.
Darn it.
Well, now that I think about it, I want you on the wheel.
I'll strap in Brandon as well.
Okay.
Roan?
Mook?
Roan? What do I get? For fucking months, I fought and fought and fought. Okay. Rome. Moog. Rome.
What do I get?
For fucking months, I fought and fought and fought.
I begged.
I pleaded.
I offered to suck dick to get Mousetrap off the wheel.
I finally succeeded.
Two days ago, it was off.
It was gone forever.
And here comes your happy ass helicoptering in from New York.
Put it back on.
Why did you opt in, though?
Why did you opt in?
And you're going to leave. You knew what it was going to be.
You knew Mousetrap was going to be on this wheel.
I knew there would be money on the wheel, too.
You called it correctly. You knew exactly what this wheel was.
I knew there would be money. You know how my brain works.
Right. We've been around each other for a lot of years.
Is sucking dick still on the table?
Put it on the wheel.
That sounds like you've been sucking dick.
All Ro did was
snap his fingers and Mousetrap was back.
It's just so good.
It's funny to me and funny.
You're leaving.
It's funny.
That's our job.
It's what don't you get?
Put your finger in a mousetrap.
It's funny.
You feel like you don't get this.
What aren't you getting?
It's funny to me.
So what's the best strategy?
That's where fingers are not supposed to go.
You're touching the mousetrap?
Yeah.
Sideways in.
All right, go ahead, TJ.
I had to get a smack around the knuckle.
Yeah, for a laugh.
It smacks twice?
No, but there's two bars.
Two bars come down?
Yeah.
Fuck it.
What kind of futuristic mousetraps do you guys have?
The oldest.
The oldest.
I'm still on the one bar mousetraps.
Haven't you snapped it on yourself?
You had mousetraps all over the place.
Hell no.
Why would I?
I've been so sure not to do that.
Yeah, but it's like the police when they pepper spray each other to know what it feels like.
You didn't do that?
No, because I'm not a mouse.
I'm never going to get caught in a mousetrap.
Famous last words.
All right, mouse.
Yeah, true.
That was famous last words.
You sound drunk as hell, Coke boy.
All right, Coke boy. I hate Coke boy.
You don't want to be up right now.
That's why Nick is up.
That's why Nick is up.
Oh, boy.
Fuck.
Come on, Nick.
I believe in you.
I believe in you.
Be great, Nick.
How's your finger doing?
I'm going to use the same one.
Who's been naughty?
Who's been nice?
Do it.
Come on, Nick.
Come on, Nick.
Come on, Nick.
We won't go until we get somewhere.
Oh!
Oh!
Yeah, no shit.
We won't go until we get some So bring it right here
Where is it?
Somewhere in between the gifts
Go find it, mouse
So bring us some figgy pudding
Be great, Nick So bring us some figgy pudding.
Be great, Nick.
Be great.
Dare to be great. This is why, Roan, you need to come out to Chicago once every couple of months
because you and I are very much alike.
I'm getting soft without you.
Yeah.
Where it's like, oh, the mousetrap's going away.
And you come back, you're like, no, it's not.
Because Brandon's crying over there. Yeah. So we need to, oh, the mousetrap's going away. And you come back, you're like, no, it's not. Because Brandon's crying over there.
Yeah.
So we need to make sure.
Well, what we're doing.
We're rewarding crying.
Yeah.
We're rewarding crying.
Not crying.
You are.
Our powers combined.
We're evil genius.
What's he doing?
Oh, God.
Get the cheese.
Get the cheese.
Little mousy. Oh, we should have the cheese. Get the cheese, little mousey.
Oh, we should have put a cookie on there.
Little Santa Mouse.
Who's hungry?
He's a hungry little mouse.
Get it on there, mousey.
He's still in there. You shouldn't have done that, Mousy.
That's better than the money.
That was a bad idea.
Is it that bad?
Yeah, it sucks.
I'm just so happy that we have Mousetrap with Sass here.
I don't want to cry.
Yeah, it makes me want to cry immediately
Okay
Spill it again
My voice is like trembling
Have you guys cried out of pain
Like as an adult
I haven't cried out of pain
Probably since I was
I threw out a disc
In that
My back
I think I did the same thing.
I cried.
Because I was having back spasms, and I was just laying on my floor being like,
just fucking shoot me.
That's an unnatural thing.
My wife was like, we don't have a gun.
Would she have done it?
Yeah, for sure.
I would have done it myself.
That's crazy.
Is that bad?
I was just like, fuck y'all.
Oh, man.
Because you know it's coming, and you can't stop it.
So it's literally a back spasm's coming, and your whole body seizes up in pain.
I laid on my floor for two days pissing in a Gatorade bottle.
No, really?
How long ago is this?
I've done it twice.
The last time was like 2017.
Why can't you get up for two days you can't like if you move it just it
seizes and like goes like your body goes in shock is there some sort of trigger this like did you
throw your basketball you're playing basketball first time was deadlifts second time was you uh
get a podcast out yeah pft and hank came to Wow. Yeah, and I was laying on the couch. Yeah.
Yeah, it was crazy.
That's terrible.
It happens to everyone with gamer posture.
Yeah.
No, I was playing pickup basketball.
I was playing pickup basketball, and I felt something,
and I was like, oh, fuck, that hurt.
I was like, fuck it, I'll stay in.
I stayed in, then left after the games were over,
got in an Uber, got home to my apartment in Brooklyn,
got out of the Uber, and had to stand leaning up against a pole for 30 minutes because I
couldn't move.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
So, yeah, that's crying.
You had that, right, Brandon?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I swear to God.
That's the worst pain in the world.
I could.
I'd have neighbors.
Neighbors had to come.
Yeah, it still hurts.
I would have rather paid the $500 than that.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Neighbors had to.
What do you mean?
I couldn't pay for the house.
Oh, the mousetrap? Me and you. Let's swap. I'll pay the $500 than that. Really? Yeah. Neighbors had to... What do you mean get your house? Oh, the mousetrap?
Me and you, let's swap.
I'll pay the $500.
Oh.
No, don't.
You might get the...
You might get $500.
That's the most foolish thing in the world.
Yeah, you're going to have to give up your apartment.
You have a chance.
It's almost too easy.
I'd rather move.
I'd rather move apartments.
Spit it again, DJ.
This is all just, we've always, every time mousetraps come up, we're like, we wish Sass was here.
Yeah.
It is that thing.
And it's perfect.
Yeah.
I'm going fishing on Friday.
I gotta figure it out.
Oh, you won't be able to.
You're not gonna be able to.
You're definitely not gonna be able to.
Oh.
Big boy.
Big hoss.
Oh, no.
Brandon, good things are coming your way, brother.
I'll punch you in the fucking face.
I got one of the mousetraps off.
That's what I'll do to you.
You can't talk to me right now.
Do you want to close your eyes and go off our reactions?
No.
Yeah.
Oh, come on.
Somebody should have.
Go blindfolded.
You have to.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
I don't.
I'm about to put my finger in a mousetrap.
You have to.
I don't.
Yeah, do it.
You have to.
Because you're going to lie.
You're going to lie.
It doesn't matter. The wheel's the wheel. You're going to lie. You're going to lie. It doesn't matter.
The wheel's the wheel.
You're going to lie.
We won't change it.
You get to see it.
Put this over your head.
Put it over your head.
We will not change it.
Trust me.
Shit.
Okay.
Close your eyes.
Wait, what are you doing?
All off reactions.
Why don't you just close them?
Putting your hands over them.
How do you guys want to react?
Let's act like he got 500.
Yeah.
You know how the wheel sounds,
so you can open your eyes right at the end if you need to.
I wouldn't, though.
Okay.
We won't go until we get some.
We should just stay silent.
Until we get some.
Take your headphones off.
Just stay completely silent.
Take your headphones off. Just stay completely silent. Take your headphones off.
Now bring it right here.
Silent night.
TJ, go ahead.
Holy night.
All is calm.
All is bright.
Beer mousy. Ear mousy.
Ear mousy.
I told you good things are coming your way.
That was awesome.
Get out of the way, Brandon.
What a moment.
What a moment.
There you go Brandon fuck yes
it was by a millimeter
yeah it was just
there's no bigger disparity between $500 and
mousetrap you were so close
that's how you feel man I gotta pee
you gotta go to the store
it's so funny to me he's out of practice You got to go to the store.
It's so funny.
His head lights up.
He's out of practice. Oh, look at that wheel.
Because at the end of the New York Yaks,
Sass had figured out the system that just don't complain.
And if it happens, you can complain afterwards.
But if you don't complain before, there's a good chance something good will happen.
And then you look like a tough guy.
And now he's back to it. He's relapsing. Yeah, he's like first month Sass. I don't want before, there's a good chance something good will happen, and then you look like a tough guy. Now he's back to it.
He's relapsing.
Yeah, he's like first month sass.
I don't want to make this about me.
Has anything good happened to me?
No.
Okay.
No.
Okay.
No.
Like, in general?
But something worse has surely happened to sass.
Something way worse has happened to me.
Yeah, you lose all these.
Every time.
No matter what.
Oh, yeah, you do.
You always lose these.
Yeah.
You've never won one of these.
Nothing good, yeah.
I would say mine was a little bit worse than the mousetrap.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
But that's why you played the game.
It was a rush.
I'd play it again.
We might have to do it again.
Yeah, it just might have to be a thing.
Mousetrap's fully back on.
But if next Christmas I'm like, $10,000.
If you lose, you've got to give me $10,000.
Just slowly turns into Squid Game.
This is how it started.
Big Cat Squid Game.
Death.
Lose, you've got to kill yourself.
So now that there's four people left and there's one money left.
So that means that 75% chance of the next spin is going to be mousetrap.
Yes.
It's a very, very, very good chance.
And if it lands on the money, then it's just mousetrap, mousetrap, mousetrap.
We don't even need to spin.
Correct.
And there's a very clear one person that I am and probably all the listeners are rooting for right now.
Yeah.
Big time.
To get the $500.
Me?
Yeah.
He's sitting behind you.
Who?
It'd be Zah.
Damn.
All right.
Zah's laugh.
Wait, Zah, what the fuck you got on your head?
Hey, then.
Christmas tree.
Christmas tree, brother.
Oh, tree?
Shake that thing.
Zod's.
Shake that thing.
Zod.
Is there a Jerry After Dark going on?
Yes, at 9 o'clock.
Oh, man.
What's he doing?
I told him that once we finish, we'll all go say hello.
Yeah, of course.
Where's he doing it? He's trying snacks, I think. Right over there. Where'd Brandon go? Oh hello. Yeah, of course. Where's he doing it?
He's trying snacks, I think.
Right over there.
Where'd Brandon go?
He's paying.
He's spending his money.
Yeah.
Brandon was looking in the mirror, making faces at himself like, oh, thank God.
That was a big win for him.
He was looking at the money in the mirror.
I was going to offer Brandon $100 for every extra mousetrap he did.
Wow.
Hello? He wouldn't do any.etrap he did. Wow. Hello?
He wouldn't do any.
Yeah, he would.
No.
Yes.
You have it?
What is this combo?
What is happening?
Want me to go out there?
I need blackberry.
What?
He's talking to Drizly.
He needs blackberry brandy.
He's trying to get his blackberry. Oh, he's getting his blackberry brandy. He needs blackberry. You? He's talking to Drizly. He's blackberry brand. He's trying to get his blackberry.
Oh, he's getting his blackberry brand.
He needs blackberry.
You only have blueberry or whatever?
Definitely not pink grapefruit.
Nah, it's got to be blackberry.
What about, was blueberry all they had?
They don't have blackberry?
That's fine.
Okay, blueberry's fine.
Blueberry's fine.
Thank you, sir. they don't have that that's all that's fine okay that's fine thank you sir that was good yeah job happy for you i'm happy for you
pink grapefruit good job on me it's a big shoot you did great see you see what i opted in bro
i'm still no no no i'm 50 50 on you no what the fuck are you talking about you just got 500
dollars because of me you're gonna get on are you talking about you just got 500 because of me
you're gonna get on a plane just fly you never have to worry about mousetraps again
yeah no i just i do he put it back on the wheel oh that's right
it got you 500 i know and there would have been no wheel if there weren't mousetraps
that's fact he would have put something on there what. What's the equivalent of mousetrap? The only reason I put mousetrap on this wheel is because we just did our Tuesday yak where
Rone said mousetraps are back on the wheel.
And in my head, I was like, yeah, they are.
And I just get, so I made you back it up.
I'm a job creator.
We may have re-retired him by the time.
Has anyone ever gotten it and had no reaction?
Oh, yeah.
The men.
Yeah.
We used to have like pussy mousetraps.
Yeah, we got the stronger ones.
We got way stronger.
Stronger ones?
Yeah.
Yeah, the ones we used to have didn't hurt at all.
These are like medieval rats.
Those two bars, like the two marks swelling up, dude.
You're going to hate this.
I'm losing my nail from the one I got the other day.
I can like barely bend it.
Sass, you probably will land on the money.
Yeah, you definitely will. I'm not worried about it at all I got the other day. I can barely bend it. Sass, you probably will land on the money. Yeah, you definitely will.
I'm not worried about it at all.
Right.
Because you're a beast.
Set that thing up.
Who's up right now?
I might do thumb.
We haven't spun yet.
You can go two fingers.
So there's one 500 and three mousetraps left?
So if the 500 comes up, then everybody just mousetraps.
Sleepy. Ron, have you gone yet?
Oh, Ron, I'm rooting for you for the 500.
This is a good-ass game.
That'll be some rich-ass shit.
That'll be so injustice. If anyone plays along at-ass shit. Oh, that would be so injustice.
If anyone plays along at home, they got to send videos.
Yes.
Their pup-up getting mousetrapped.
Yeah.
One in four.
Good odds.
Great odds.
Wait, why is it so small?
Oh.
Oh.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Oh.
No!
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
And a fuck you.
Oh, my God.
A two, a three, a four, $500.
It's the three that need it the most.
Yeah.
Fucking hot.
Che Titus Rhodes. Oh, my God. It's fucking hot. Che Titus Rhone.
It's the perfect
friend.
Che Titus Rhone, man.
God damn it.
Zod's going.
Zod's going.
Watch out.
The mouse is here.
Mousey mousey.
Mousey.
Wait, a little mousey
came in.
It's a mousey.
Oh, he's going full hand.
No, no, no.
Oh, fuck.
He's got to reset it.
That's a man of honor
One finger
One fingy
One finger
Do the first
That's actually the
I was gonna do it
Brandon, Che, and Tide
Just go and
Think about it
Just do it
That's the best way to do it
You can do the first toe
Oh first toe
Would be left
You gotta do at least
You gotta do
You can't do full hand
You gotta do two fingers
Two max
Max
Fuck
You've never done this song Little mousy Wait whoa Set it up a little Mousy You can't do full hand. You got to do two fingers. Two max.
You've never done this song?
Little Mousy.
Wait, whoa, whoa.
Set it up a little.
Mousy.
Give us a little show.
Yeah, be a little Mousy.
Be a little Mousy for us.
Be a little Mousy for us. Why don't you squeak?
Oh, a little Mousy.
Oh, there's a Mousy.
Who's hungry?
Not bad. That bad.
That bad.
Did that miss your entire finger?
Oh, he threw it again.
Go one finger.
You got to go in the long way.
One finger and go knuckle up.
Go knuckle up.
Should I come in sideways or straight on?
You got to just go like that and just leave it there.
That's the only move.
Little mousy.
I'm very happy for you, Rowan.
I did not want to see you in that mousetrap.
It would have been unjust.
There truly is no God, Rowan.
It's the best.
The wheel is so fucked up.
I'm becoming an atheist on Christmas.
Who's next, Moog or Sass? There you go, Zach.
Who's next, Mook or Sass?
Let's go Mook.
Yeah, Sass, you go last.
Do we want toe?
Can I pay out?
I'm going to pay out.
Your money's no good here, bro.
Thousand.
You're willing to pay 500?
Keep going. Oh, I'd pay $500. Keep going. I'd pay $500 instantly.
No, thank you.
This is worth way more than... Look at that little mousy.
Oh.
That little mouse is cheese.
That mouse...
Go slower, mousy.
Come on, mousy.
The mouse senses... Oh! What fell out of your mouth? Come on, Mousey.
The mouse senses.
What fell out of your mouth?
Your gumboid?
Your mouse?
It knocked his tooth out. His tooth out?
I really thought it was his tooth.
It's that bad?
It's fine.
Alright, Seth. Alright, what's the technique? What are you talking about? That's fine. Alright, Seth.
Alright, what's the technique?
What are you talking about?
That hurts.
One finger like this.
Try to get it to hit there.
What if you do this way?
You're not allowed.
Why not?
You can.
Nobody's done it.
That would hurt less.
Not allowed.
Alright, Seth.
You're not changing the rules.
Mook, what did you do?
Over or under?
You do over. You go over. You'll be fine. We could do changing the rules. Mook, what did you do? Over or under? You do over.
You go over.
You'll be fine.
We could do the whole rest of the episode.
I'm going to go under.
Alright, I'm going to go under.
Dude, do you honestly?
What's the technique for putting your finger in a mouse trap?
He's going to Google it.
Alright, no.
You've got to mouse it, though.
You've got to mouse it.
You've got to be a mouse about it.
You've got to get mousey. Give us a show, mouse. On the other side, mouse. Come on it, though. You gotta mouse it. You gotta be a mouse about it. You gotta get mousey.
Give us a show, mouse.
On the other side, mouse.
Come on, mousey.
Yeah, mousey.
Little mouse.
What are you doing, mousey?
Mouse.
If it goes under your foot, it does not count.
What are you doing, little mousey?
Give your mousey.
Roan, there's gotta be part of you that wants to play with this.
He's writhing.
I can't.
The game says I can't.
Yeah, no, he's not allowed to.
He's sick.
Mousey.
Here, mousey. You're not gonna cry. It doesn't hurt that't. Yeah, no, he's not allowed to. He's sick. Mousy. Here, Mousy.
You're not going to cry.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
It's not going to be as bad as you're saying.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
Not even close.
Wait, Brandon, remember this.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
No, it hurts.
Remember this.
It hurts, but it doesn't hurt.
It doesn't hurt.
Cry more.
Not that bad.
Hey, little Mousy.
No, you got to Mousy.
Mousy.
Give us a show, Mousy.
What do you mean?
Give us a show, Mousy.
Oh, no. Will he do it? Will it back. Get it back. Come on. Show, Mousey. Oh, no.
Will he do it?
Will he take the cheese?
What?
Mousey.
He probably won't take the cheese.
He's not even getting close.
He's going back.
Take five.
You need time out?
You need time out?
Take a time out.
Take a 20-second time out.
Take a 20-second time out.
Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five.
Five.
Five what?
You can get a six or a 30.
How about if you make a three, you don't do it,
but if you miss, you got to do it twice.
It's a terrible deal for you.
All right, Mousey.
Little tiny mouse.
Come on, Mouse.
He's a smart mouse.
Just like that. Just like that.
Just like that from the side.
He's a smart mouse.
He knows this is bad.
Just slap your finger down.
Sass, it's going to hurt, but it's not going to hurt as bad as you think.
I got you.
I got you.
Sass, watch yourself.
No, actually, no.
You've got to do it yourself.
You've got to do it yourself, Sass.
Sass, watch yourself on the TV instead of in real life. Maybe it'll be easier. Yeah
Okay mouse you're back mouse little mousey's back He's a playful little boy. You scurry over here.
Hurry up. I need to say it.
Little Mousey's hungry.
It's been two days.
Get to drink.
I can feel my stomach.
My organs are beating through the chairs.
No, no, no, no.
Little Mousey.
I'm so hungry
No
Come on Mousy
Just do it upside down
No
Just go like that
Little Mousy
So hungry
Just do it
Just do it
Just do it
Little Mousy Just do it. Shut the fuck up. Just do it. It's over. Do it. Just do it. Over a second. Do it.
You melty.
Not that bad.
Jesus.
That was so awesome.
Oh, no.
Now it hurts.
Shit.
I'm going to watch you try to do that for an hour and a half.
Just him going like this.
Ask a thousand questions.
So it's right there?
Then he just kept on turning it upside down.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it sucks.
My other fingers hurt.
Yeah, it hurts where it hurts.
Fuck.
Should we do it again?
It hurts.
Double or nothing.
Let me see.
You might lose that nail, dude.
I didn't get it on the nail.
So mean if people ended up with $1,000.
Are you shaking?
Yeah.
He's shaking so bad.
I get it.
Oh, man.
All right, Rowan, you got to do it now just for the love of the game.
No, no, no.
I'm allowed.
I want it.
You'd have to pay $500.
That's why I wanted Mousetrap back on so I could do it.
Yeah, he wanted that shit.
If I do it again, can I get $500?
I'll kick you in the teeth.
No.
Brandon, you're fucking flush right now.
I've been flush. Oh. All right, get money're fucking flush right now. I've been flush.
Oh, back then.
Give it to Sass.
Give it to Sass.
No, he had to do the
finger thing.
That was a lot of fun.
Yeah, that was awesome.
Imagine if we hadn't
done that.
We'd just be sitting
here waiting on our
blueberry brandy.
Oh, you settled?
The other option was
like pink grapefruit
He kind of fucking
Lotted you then
I think blueberry would be good
We got gifts to do though
Yeah
Can you do the high noon ad while you're holding a high noon?
Yeah
What a toss
I mean this was like six feet
Are there any cranberry in there?
We have a blackberry brandy.
Oh, no.
How about a grapefruit?
Oh, grapefruit sounds amazing.
That's actually my favorite.
I love it with everything.
Yeah, I do too.
And luckily, you can get that in the game day pack, which is back.
It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry,
along with black cherry and grapefruit.
Made with real vodka, real juice.
How many calories?
100.
Hundo.
Gluten-free and no added sugar.
The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive, which means it's here for a good time, but not a long time.
Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you.
I think I'll finish this off.
Yeah, mine is so good.
I forgot how good the grapefruit was.
No!
Brandon.
Hey.
Would you rather make the final table of the World Series of Poker?
Whatever the second thing is.
I don't know.
Think about talking shit on this.
Or make the Super Bowl as a backup?
Super Bowl as a backup.
Super Bowl.
Super Bowl as a backup.
Okay.
Making the final table of the World Series of Poker sounds awesome,
but the mental stress it's got to put.
I feel like the backup of the Super Bowl can kind of enjoy the table.
But you're guaranteed to be in the money if you make the final table.
Final table is like a milli each.
I think backup quarterback is going to be okay.
But you're only making the Super Bowl.
You're not guaranteed to win.
You're not guaranteed to win the final table. But you're still getting the final Bowl. You're not guaranteed to win. You're not guaranteed to win the final table.
But you're still getting the final table.
Yeah.
As a backup, you don't really get to experience
the thing. I don't like cards.
Imagine the shit you talk to
Mince.
It would just go right over him anyway.
Wouldn't matter.
None of it ever does.
Never. It's true. Nothing ever really matters for Mince. It's the beauty of ever does. Never fucking matters.
It's true.
Nothing ever really matters for me.
It's the beauty of it.
No, nothing matters, period.
When we were flying here.
You need the Zoloft back.
Let's talk.
You just got 500 bucks.
Brandon, you need some Zoloft?
Huh?
You need some Zoloft?
No, I was on it for a while.
Sass doesn't go home without it.
Did you stop cold turkey?
Yeah, I had to trade it for my dick.
Did you get brain zaps?
No, I was fine.
It's dangerous to cut it off cold. You have been acting really fucking weird lately. No, I had to trade it for my dick. Did you get brain zaps? No, I was fine. It's dangerous to cut it off cold turkey.
You have been acting really fucking weird lately.
No, I haven't.
I've been good.
You know what?
That's probably why your golf game is all off.
You beat me once.
Because your brain chemistry is off.
You beat me once.
I beat you the first time.
The chemical imbalance in your brain right now is fucking insane.
But I'm fucking.
Hard.
Occasionally.
I got a package from your mom today. Hard. Occasionally. Yeah.
I got a package
from your mom today.
God damn it Nick.
It's up.
It's up in the studio.
Love it.
What is it?
Haven't opened it yet.
Alright.
It's true.
He's not lying either.
I believed him
previously.
Did you?
Yeah.
What'd you get Seth?
Probably just a Christmas gift.
What's that noise?
The package in R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet is AIDS when people get the package.
Did my mother give you AIDS?
I don't know.
I haven't opened the package.
Closet.
You wouldn't be the first.
What?
No.
Huh?
Wait, I can't say that.
Wait, what the fuck?
Taking AIDS from your mom?
My mom was Ginny from Forrest Gump.
Oh, my God.
I can see that. Damn, what arest Gump. Oh, my God. I could see that, honestly.
Damn, what a burn on me.
She's from Alabama.
If I hypothetically fucked your mom,
I wouldn't be the first to get AIDS.
Yeah.
Damn, you...
Gotcha.
Oh, you got me, man.
I got the AIDS.
That apartment in Dallas,
which they call it AID.
Wow.
Or the house in Virginia The HIV
That's a bar
That's a house
I'm a real estate mogul
The Monopoly board
You got properties on both
Is that why it's called Dallas Buyers Club?
He was just getting a bunch of
Maybe
I saw some movie about There was just getting a bunch of... Maybe. Yeah.
I saw some movie about there was just like a flight attendant who was giving it out.
That's how it spread so fast.
Giving out AIDS?
Yeah, he just couldn't stop fucking.
He was so pretty in the face.
That or a Stroopwafel.
Stroopwafel?
Yeah, man. I'm taking the AIDS.
What is it?
Biscoff.
Oh, they're good.
They're the best.
I feel like they don't have them as much anymore.
We couldn't know. They don't. Oh, they're good. They're the best. I feel like they don't have them as much anymore. We wouldn't know.
They don't.
Those are Greyhounds.
That's just.
You can get AIDS on a Greyhound for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you all have a gift strategy?
Yeah.
You have your first round pick?
I'm going to go ahead and say.
What a gigantic one.
Avoid mine at all costs.
I think we were.
It's really upsetting.
Well, you get to keep the jacket. No, you do
not. Oh, you definitely do.
I just bought that jacket.
I want that jacket.
You should have just bought it.
Who takes the wrapping paper back after
you give a gift? That's fucked.
You can't do that. No, man. Sorry.
Sass, you can't, dude.
Can we close the windows, TJ, again?
I think Jerry's going to start his show.
Sass is wrapped like a homeless guy wraps his heroin on the street.
I got you a present, but I need the wrapping paper back.
That's a good-ass gift, Sass.
Thank you.
You're not getting the L.L. Bean.
One-year warranty.
Then you could get another one.
You got the warranty on the Bean?
Of course.
Somebody took it and wore it over.
I actually think that L.L. Bean used to have a lifetime warranty for all of their products
but they just changed it
to one year.
The duck boots too.
The duck boots, yeah.
They just changed it?
Yeah.
I want to say Patagonia
has similar...
Cool.
Just shows how much faith
they have in their product.
Can you guys remind me
of how the...
Duxbury's showing right now?
We don't know, Sass.
We don't know.
I mean, Ron. So we don't know how we... Duxbury's showing right now? We don't know, Sass. We don't know. I mean, run.
So we don't know how we're going to pick, who picks what first?
Yeah, we got to figure that out.
The wheel always does it, right?
I'll take another mousetrap for first pick.
We wheel for gifts.
We wheel for swaps.
I'll take two mousetraps for first pick.
I'll take three.
Six mousetraps for first pick.
Just all fingers at once. Every finger. I'll do one. Six mouse traps for first pick. Just all fingers at once.
Every finger.
I'll do one on each finger.
You think if you did all ten fingers at once, you'd go into, like, shock?
No.
No.
You didn't do it.
I did it last time I was in town.
No.
Not with these mouse traps.
You know what you guys need to get?
When we had the mouse problem and it was me, Owen, and Dukes, we got
the wooden rat traps.
Oh, those will break your finger. And they're like
this. They're like the exact same thing as a
mousetrap, but they're like this big.
That would take your finger
right off. 100%. It's like a
medieval torture device. Yeah.
Yeah, we were watching videos of a guy who made like
human-sized mouth traps.
It was fucking gnarly. It was like snapping a watermelon.
Imagine getting caught in one of those.
Stepping into a bear trap.
What the fuck?
Today sucks.
That guy's a sick fuck for even thinking about that.
Planting that.
Yeah, just planting that in the middle of the woods somewhere.
What the fuck?
Free cheese.
Holy shit.
Ground cheese.
Is that a baby bell?
Charcuterie.
Oh! Holy shit Ground cheese Is that a baby bell? Charcuterie What the fuck It's a big fucking mouse
Trying to like bench press off of it
What the fuck is going on
Who put this Smith machine?
Imagine getting glue trapped.
That might be funnier.
Stop with glue.
Stuck for 127 hours.
Chisel off your...
Oh.
Oh.
That's not real.
That's not real.
Yeah, it is.
Those are like the mice in my apartment.
These things are fucking demons.
Yeah, they're zombies.
They're so big.
They're dead and still running around.
And they like to die in my fucking refrigerator.
My mini fridge.
Oh, in your fridge?
What the fuck?
He said he was trying to unscrew the back of his refrigerator with a fork.
They're somewhere in the booth.
How are you not dead?
Zah screamed laughing at you from back there. You got mice in your fridge?
Yeah.
You want to elaborate?
They're in the back of the fridge.
I can't get them.
Oh, like in the wires?
In the fridge?
No, they're in the actual fridge.
My arms are too...
I can't reach them, though.
Wait, what?
Where your produce is?
Yeah, in the back of the fridge.
Like, in, like, the...
In the wires.
The coils.
Yeah.
But, like, they're dead back there?
Yes.
Very.
And I would imagine it's anywhere from 5 to 25.
Oh, Jesus.
Because the smell is getting worse.
I was going to say, what's the odor like?
Dude, every time I open the refrigerator, the whole apartment reeks of death.
But his front windows are also sealed shut. Yeah. Like, he can't open the windows, the whole apartment reeks of death. But his front windows are also sealed shut.
Yeah.
Like he can't open the windows.
To stop the mice from getting in.
Thank God your apartment's only $3,600.
You're paid for a penthouse in Kansas City.
I hope one of these gifts are a new fridge, dude.
That'd be great.
A new apartment.
I'd settle for just a cooler at this point.
Just a Yeti cooler.
Honestly, there could be Yeti coolers in here.
Yeah, you might be in luck on that one.
How are we power ranking the gifts as they lay?
Tall boy.
Tall boy and then fat boy, right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm actually going with that one all the way on the top right here.
That's medium-sized one.
Oh, you like that box.
We need a child's view of presents.
Just look for the biggest one.
I mean, it's 70 tall.
I saw someone bring that in, and I think Spider brought it in.
He was not struggling to carry it at all.
Really?
I like the gold bow.
I like gold bow.
I think that's the winner.
I want one of the Hanukkah ones.
Yeah, I'm going to take a Jewish one.
Yeah.
And what were the breakdowns of the cash?
Minimum was free.
Yeah.
Free was Sass.
Homemade was KB.
I have another gift.
I had 150.
I'm 250.
I had 350.
So how do we want to do this?
I ended up spending 400 with tax.
Kyle, what was yours?
How much did you spend?
Knock up on me.
Oh, yours.
You were homemade.
All right.
Homemade.
I spent nothing.
We wheel until all the gifts are given out, and then we figure out what we're going to do.
We wheel for order, and then we start picking.
Yeah.
Reverse.
So it's not like you wheel and then pick and then wheel and then pick.
Yeah.
Well, you don't want to wheel pick, wheel pick?
I think you should wheel, get the whole order laid out, and then you should-
Get the draft, the first round of the draft.
And then you should start doing chairs.
Nick, if I see a fucking JBL speaker in here, I need another.
I was listening to it today.
Yeah, you got it in mono.
Yeah.
The right and the left.
I was listening to Somewhere in My Memory.
I just don't believe you.
I was listening to Somewhere in My Memory by Four Year Strong.
That thing is fucking in the Hudson, right?
I promise you.
I'll send you a picture tonight.
I'll send you a picture of it tonight.
That thing is in the bottom of the Hudson.
I love that fucking thing.
Dude, it was $400.
$500, brother.
It was free for me.
Yeah.
And I use it every day when I'm cleaning,
when I'm Swiffering.
What, do you put it on the lowest volume?
Yeah.
That thing is bepping boobs.
I would love to see her work.
I got a noise complaint for just the sound that it makes when you turn it on.
When you turn it on.
Keep it down.
It's got to be so – that thing is so big.
All right, let's do something.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
So let's start spinning the wheel,
and the first person that it lands on gets the last pick.
Why?
And then they're eliminated.
You want to build the draft from the back front?
Let's do that.
Yeah, why not?
Sure.
What is another option?
I don't know.
First person lands on his first?
That's basic.
First person that lands on it gets middle pick.
I'm going to be honest, guys.
I'm going to be a real dick if I don't like this.
Yes, yes.
I'm going to pout, dude.
Yeah.
I already have one of these.
Yeah, let's do honest reactions.
No sugar, no bean.
Like, oh, thank you.
Just like, oh, that's fine.
Or like, I didn't want that.
I'm okay with this.
I'll donate it to a firehouse.
What the fuck is this?
That dip.
You guys ever actually do that as kids?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was an ass kid.
Probably when I was like really young, though.
I think I was. I think I cried on Christmas when I was really young like get a big sixth grade yeah yeah and I was like no yeah that's the story that's
a Christmas story I know I wanted I got a rubber band gun instead.
And I cried.
One year I wanted a mongoose bike and my mom got me a chair.
I was so pissed off.
One year my grandma got me a Wizards of Waverly Place plastic like, plastic magic wand, and it would make sound effects.
And it was Selena Gomez's voice.
And it would be like, abracadabra, make that zit disappear.
And I was the laughingstock of the family.
Everyone was howling laughing, and I was bawling my eyes out.
I have an aunt that's got me a Life is Good t-shirt for the past 25 years of my life.
Yeah.
Those are coming back around, though.
Yeah, they're kind of fresh.
It's ironic if you wear it.
Fuck you.
Life's okay.
Yeah, you need Life's Okay shirts.
Life is just okay.
You guys should make that.
Life's okay.
New anus merch.
We've done a Life is Good shirt before.
Really?
Yeah.
Unfortunately.
All right, let's spin it for the last pick
Last pick
What were we doing last?
Last pick
Last pick
This is for whoever gets Sass's stupid thing
That's about it
Alright
Fair
Oh there's steals
Yeah
And the steals is two people get paired up and they have to switch
Yes And that happens six times That happens after the picks What about There's steals. Yeah. And the steals is two people get paired up and they have to switch. Yes.
And that happens six times.
That happens after the picks.
What about everybody gets a nope, I do.
So let's say I'm the first pick and I take that and I'm like, I want that.
And Kyle can go, nope, I do.
Oh, you get one?
But then that's.
No, there should be a different wheel where we have only one.
Nope, I do.
Everybody gets one? Yeah. No the nope-I-do. Everybody gets one.
Everybody gets one?
No, no, no.
What's the wheel for?
Can you stack the I-dos or no?
If you say nope-I-do and then I say nope-I-do.
You get it and I lose mine.
I love nope-I-do.
That's risky as fuck.
Wait, so does it have to be in order?
I'm hammered.
Nope, I do is crazy.
Do I do after they're unwrapped or before?
No, we should give out ten envelopes, and three of them should have nope, I do.
Yeah, I like that.
Four of them should have loaded mousetraps in them.
So people don't know if you get a nope, I do.
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
So it's a mystery who has them.
So it's a mystery who has the nope-I-do.
Yeah.
So now we need 10 envelopes?
No, we don't need 10 envelopes.
We can use a wheel.
We can just have mousetrap or nope-I-do.
But we don't want everyone to know.
I like that, too.
I like that.
Yeah.
So if I'm just like, nope-I-do, then they spin the wheel.
And if it lands on mousetrap, you still get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So everybody gets one? i just like the idea that
you don't know if people have a nope i wait so you wait so you say nope i do wait what do you
what's your idea i'm saying that you don't know who has a nope i there should be three secrets
no there are envelopes right out right out there yeah let's okay yeah let's just make it yeah and
everybody will grab their envelope and be just like nope and then you hand it to kyle but some
people don't have nope-bye-dos.
Some people have mousetrap.
But so you're saying you can play a no-bye-do?
No.
Guys, I don't know why you keep coming up.
Yeah, I know.
There's no-bye-do.
Come on, come on.
I'm getting my brain in this.
No no-bye-dos.
No, I think there should be four people with no-bye-dos.
Of course.
And then when they say they're no-bye-do, it's a wheel.
Or you turn in your envelope.
No more mouse traps.
It's a wheel of mouse traps or steel.
No-bye-do.
Yeah, yeah.
So either sticks or mouse traps.
Perfect.
So you don't have to play your no-bye-do.
You don't have to play your no-bye-do.
You're throwing a challenge flag.
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
You do. You do. You do, Nick?'t. No, you don't. You do.
You do.
You do, Nick?
All right, yeah, you do.
You do.
You do.
If you don't play your nope-i-do, it's mousetrap.
If you're drunk, shut the fuck up.
No chance Sass went and got the envelopes, right?
Yeah, we all did.
Sass might have went to the airport.
No, Che is.
Che's getting the envelopes, and he's about to make four nope-i-dos.
And then pass them out
And if you play your no pie do
Or maybe one of the no pie do
Is no mousetrap
Or all of them are
Potential no
One of them is
Big Cat gives you $500
I like that
Another $500
Brandon did you just tell me
To be quiet if I'm drunk
What's our most successful episode
Piece of shit
You said
You said Stop coming to me.
Fuck you.
Get his ass, Nick.
You're counting money?
I'm going to nope I do your ass.
I know you are.
You fucked my AIDS-ridden mom.
God damn it, dude.
At what point is enough enough?
I love that you're doing this and it's bodying me.
Keep that up.
I think at this point you like my mom more than I do.
I talk to her more.
Yeah, well, bitch got AIDS.
That's pretty good.
It's hard to beat.
Can't come back to that.
Nope, I do.
I feel like... Oh, shit.
Zing.
Shit.
Nope, I do the AIDS.
Oh, my God.
That was magic.
But if you use your nope, I do, and it lands on mousetrap,
you don't get a nope, I do anymore.
No, that's it.
But everybody has one you have to use.
So if you use the nope, I do, and it lands on mousetrap,
then it's just mousetrap and order is restored for your turn.
Yes.
Fair.
And you can nope, I do after it's unwrapped.
So I have the 10th pick.
Let's keep on spinning for the order.
Sure.
For the 9th pick.
And we still don't know about nope, I do's.
Yeah, we don't know nope-i-doos.
Maybe there's none.
I love how this became a thing.
Well, your drunk brain is on fire right now.
Just throwing out half ideas, and then we have to discern.
What about nopes?
Hey, what about if we just, it's not steals.
Why are we doing a wheel at all?
It's the exact same thing as a steal.
This spin is for the first pick, and then the second...
Wait, so do you have the nope-i-doos?
Then the next
spin is for the next to last.
So we don't have envelopes, but I got
the paper and I can fold up.
So write four nope-i-doos.
Four nope-i-doos.
And then just four regular nopes.
I'm just going to write nothing on it
so it kind of looks like it, but it is not.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like the word nothing.
No, just write.
Write nothing.
Write nope.
What the fuck is happening?
Why don't we just do the wheel for the fucking present?
Oh, no.
Nick is right.
The nope-i-dos.
Brandon, you need to drink something.
Brandon, are you confused?
It's pretty straightforward.
How do you understand nope-i-dos?
Pretty straightforward, Brandon.
You're being really ordinary.
It's hard to understand.
Brandon, you're acting fucking crazy.
Where's your Zoloft?
Straight in for my dick.
If you get too close to this, you're going to get a red dot on your forehead.
No-bye-do.
No-bye-do. Okay, spin for ninth ninth or is this for first this is for first pick this
is for first now yeah we're gonna go back and forth yeah yeah i want i want i want the first
you can use nope i do's on pick order yeah you can yeah kb's right. You actually can. You actually can, yeah.
KB's right.
All right, so don't do the, okay, yeah, before the pick.
Uh-huh.
Before the pick is even taken, you can say nope, I do. Oh, no, if it lands on Kyle for first, I can be like, nope, I do.
All right, so we need the nope, I do's now.
We need it fast, man.
Give us the nope, I do's.
But the thing about nope, I do's is that even if you don't have one, you can still use one.
He's right.
No, but then that comes with that automatic mousetrap if you use it.
I don't need to get drunk.
So how does the mousetrapping work?
Do you have to, which way do you put your finger in?
You've already done it, dude.
Dude, these DCs are doing something to me.
Oh, fuck.
He's throwing off the DC.
So does that mean that the...
Well, I can't nope-eye-do the 10th pick, but that's fine.
Yeah, that's the...
All the nope-eye-dos would be gone by the 10th pick, right?
No, in the original nope-eye-do...
You can't nope-eye-do your own pick.
Yes, I am.
How would you do that?
Uh-huh.
No, I'm talking about the pick selection
yeah just now yeah first person can never nope i do well yeah anyway it landed on me so i couldn't
nope i you're right yeah no nope i do ninth yeah yeah yeah tenth okay that wouldn't really make
sense 11 11 11 you're gonna want to save your nope i do is for one three and six yeah those
are the key yeah but if you if you if you nope i do the first pick someone else
could nope i do what you pick right no yeah brandon's having a dangerous yeah you can right
nick nick you're the you're the uh scholar on nobody's yes if you get the first pick and i have
a nope i do and i say nope i do i want the first pick and then i pick something and brandon has a
nope i do he can nope i do my pick but what
you guys haven't so this happened this happened in 08 in salt lake no it was in st clairs ohio
you can stack nope i do's how do you end up with more than one well no if i i can nope i do
and then let's say i get your I get your gift big cat can nope
I do me and get the gift that was rare. It's like the one-point safety. Yeah
Okay, we're gonna need those fat so we can start this traditional gift
People gonna be so pissed. Oh, yeah
So what happens if so we're all getting a no-buy deal?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
No.
Four of us.
Four are no-buy deals.
I don't understand.
What about the people that don't get a no-buy deal?
And you just have to play the game.
No, but you don't have to.
Here's how it works.
Who's I?
Listen to me.
I'm going to say everything, and tell me if I'm wrong at any point.
We're going to wheel. We wheeled for the 11th pick. Now we're me if I'm wrong at any point. We're going to wheel.
We wheeled for the 11th pick.
Now we're going to wheel for the first pick.
Then we're going to wheel for the 10th pick.
Then we're going to wheel for the second pick.
We're going to get the entire order.
Stephen Che is passing out four nope I do's.
You have to play it if you have it.
You can play it on a draft pick or a gift where someone picks a gift
and then you say, nope, I do.
I want that pick.
When you play your nope I do, we spin the wheel,
and you might have to put your finger in a mousetrap,
but your nope, I do stands.
And when everything is said and done, there are six more spins,
which will make three pairs of people who have to switch presents.
But are you going to know you have the nope, I do?
Yes.
No.
Yes, you do.
You do know.
So why is he folding the sheets? Because not everybody has it. yes no yes you do you do know you have to know how to play it
so why is he
folding the sheets
because not everybody
has it
you don't know
until you play it
everybody doesn't
Brandon this is the
most vanilla
straightforward thing
we
but how do you know
you look at it
but you keep it a secret
from everybody else
yes
he fucking gets it
why don't you get it
no I thought like
if I wanted Kyle's gift
I could give him the paper
and he opens it
and he's like
he either has to give it to me
or I have to mousetrap.
No.
But yes.
Yeah, let's do it that way.
Yeah, we all, we don't know if, we don't know what's written on our paper.
Yeah, but you turn it in.
We do know.
We play the Nope I Do, not knowing if we actually have the power to do that.
It's more powerful if you don't know who has the nope I do's until they play it.
Me too.
Like an immunity idol. Don't you think you'd
feel more powerful playing it if you knew
you had it? If you don't get a nope I do. You know you have it.
Other people don't know about it.
Because you open your paper.
Jay, what the fuck is taking place?
This is a nope I do.
What the fuck are you doing?
The show's never going to end.
How many lines are the character for nope?
If you don't get a no-buy, dude.
We're stuck in a loop that we'd never get out of.
It's like we ordered a thousand no-buy dudes.
It was 11.
We've been doing this for 20 minutes.
Yeah.
If you don't get a no-buy, dude, you have to mousetrap.
No.
No.
Only if you go to use it.
You have to use it if you have it, and if you have it, we spin.
Oh!
Got him.
Yep, you're allowed.
Yeah.
And if you spin and you get mousetrapped, you can still use your no-buy deal, but you
also have to do the mousetrap.
I love you guys.
This is so fucking stupid.
Do not share with other people what you have unless you want to.
Just a simple three words from Nick
just to rail this show for a half hour.
What about no pie news?
Yeah, wait, are we forgetting about it?
We should put a disclaimer in the show.
It's like, if you want to skip ahead for the next 20 minutes,
now's the time.
20 minutes?
Wait, why'd Brandon look?
No, we're looking.
You're looking.
Look at what you got so you know if you play.
That was a test.
I don't know what I have.
Neither do I.
It's neither of the things.
I agree.
If you don't have a nope-I-do, then you don't have a nope-I-do.
It's neither of the things that were suggested.
If it doesn't say nope-I-do, then you don't have a nope-I-do.
Shay's got to read it.
It doesn't make sense.
I'm looking at that.
I have to check with Shay.
You cannot imagine.
You cannot imagine what he wrote on it.
I have the same thing.
I got to check with Shay.
If it doesn't say nope-I-do. I need to know because. You cannot imagine what he wrote on it. I have the same thing. I got to check with Shay. If he doesn't say nope, I do.
I need to know because we can redo it.
Don't do it.
No, no, no, no.
We don't have the time for Shay to redo this.
Shay, what could you have possibly done?
Listen.
They either say nope, I do or nope.
All right.
Why would you do that?
He said that because he thought people could see through the paper.
No one could see through the paper.
He said he was going to write nothing.
Okay.
All right.
I was going to write the word nothing.
But you didn't.
All right.
Let's get back to that.
You guys said write nope.
Let's go back to the wheel.
I know who has the nope I do's now.
Before we spin this wheel, let's take a quick break for Factor.
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Now, back to the show.
Okay, we're back.
This is for the first pick.
Everyone has a nope I do or a nothing or a nope.
Yeah, I know who has.
Yeah.
We should redo it.
Jay, start writing new ones.
Mook has one. Everybody throw yours in the middle. Jay, start writing new ones. Mook has one.
Everybody throw yours in the middle.
Jay, start rewriting.
Mook has the most obvious.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Jay, start rewriting and don't use nope.
Yeah, we got to do it again.
Yeah, this sucks.
You wrote nope.
I don't think we should be able to look.
All right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to look.
Yeah, wait.
We shouldn't be able to look.
Yeah, I like that.
Why are you yelling at me?
And then if you throw a false flag, you take a mousetrap.
I don't do anything.
It ruins a nope I do when everyone knows.
And I just, I had one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I knew who it was.
I knew it was you.
Hey, hey, I didn't have one.
Because those of us.
You didn't have one?
I didn't have one.
Wait, you just had a nope?
Yep.
I just had a nope.
And I had a nope.
You had one, Sam? I just had one. Oh, you just had a nope? Yep. I just had a nope. And I had a nope. You had one, Seth?
Of course I do.
You're allowed to do that.
Nope, I do.
Pass it over.
Fuck.
People watching this have to be infuriated.
Oh, I love it.
You can play along at home.
Tighter.
Good.
Wait, why are we redoing it?
Because everyone knew what we had.
Don't.
Because Che's writing down like.
Don't look.
Don't look, right?
Che's writing down like, no.
But you said don't.
It's so easy.
Look, don't.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
What was that? That was weird. What do you just do he made a noise game read it behind you and like grazed the back of your chair?
Okay
Good as What? What's so funny?
He's laughing at Titus, man.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, yeah.
Someone kept their note by do.
Can we spin for a nope-I-do steal?
This is going to be like a gate.
It's going to be like the nope-I-do gate. Yeah.
When the show fucking derailed.
All right.
So we're back on track.
Everyone knows what they have. They've not shown
what they have. Let's
spin for the first pick.
No buy-dos are officially in play.
Mine says no, I don't really.
I think I have a question about mine too.
Mine says yes, you are.
Mine says yes, you are gay.
Okay, here we go.
For the first pick.
This is a big pick.
This is for everything.
Uh-oh.
Can you use it on yourself?
If somebody were to use their note by do on me,
if I had one, I could use my note by do back.
So you have one.
So confused.
Or I might be bluffing.
All right, no one's using it.
Why would no one use it?
I don't think anyone knows if they have it or not.
Who's it all for?
I don't know.
You better know if you have it.
But there's no reason.
This is like a bad time to play your Nope I Do.
Yeah, why would you play your Nope I Do now?
Because there's so much.
Also, when he picks the gift, you can just
do it.
Are you stupid?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know
what'd be going on.
Pretty obvious when
to use the nope I do.
Obviously, I'm worried
that this is not right
now.
I got to go check and
see if this brandy's
here.
Nope.
All right.
So you got first
picnic.
I do.
All right.
So now spin for 10th pick.
Is someone keeping track?
Let's have Nick keep track.
Chase keeping track.
Okay.
All right.
Mook.
10.
We did warn people that we were just bringing presents and we had no plans.
So if you're a Yak listener, this is vintage Yak.
Where we will spend forever trying to figure out how to do a simple gift swap.
We've done this before.
Yeah, but we have to make it more confusing by the bylaws of the show.
We've actually done it like five or six times now.
By year 10, you'll get the 12-hour stream.
It'll be just us arguing nobody.
It might be this one.
Okay.
What could this be?
It could be anything. It could this be? It could be anything.
It could even be a boat.
This could be the most powerful fucking weapon you have in your arsenal.
Right next to the iPhone.
This right here.
All right.
This could be any gift in the fucking world.
Who was that?
Did we just spin?
Luke was 10th
And we're not doing second
Now we're going second
Second pick
I'm about to get second pick too
Titus
Let's go
That's the best pick to have
Well
Anybody?
Fuck
Please don't
It's a nice second pick you have there Anybody? Please don't.
It's a nice second pick you have there.
It'd be a real shame if I...
No one is going to end up using the nope I do.
You have to.
You have to?
Yes.
If you have it, you have to.
Brandon, why are you pissed?
Because he probably has a nope I do. I'm not pissed at all.
I'm just worried about the mousetrap.
There's probably like 10 great gifts here.
No, there's probably like one great gift, and everything else sucks.
Like, that big thing sucks.
That other big thing sucks.
Yeah, all the 90% of the gifts here were found at like a Walgreens.
I can't think of either of those.
I just clicked a bunch of buttons on Amazon
alright that's promising
no they're worth
they were worth money
but they're worth nothing
well wait until you see my gift
truly worth nothing
next one what is this the ninth
pick?
yeah
now what?
it's uh ninth this is nine yeah Ninth pick? Yeah. Okay. Now, what? It's ninth.
This is nine, yeah.
Nine.
Nine.
All right.
Ninth pick to Brandon.
Now for third pick.
I think it's going to be TJ.
How do you feel about nine, Brandon?
It could be hours before we get there, so we'll see.
This is the third pick?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, the ninth pick is going to be at least two hours away.
Jesus.
So I'm three?
So much is going to change between now and then.
Yeah, you're three.
This is for what?
Eight? Eight. This is in addition to the – We're going to change between the three. Yeah, you're three. This is for what? Eight?
Eight.
This is in addition to the – we're going to do a – we're doing three swap wheels.
The swaps are very straightforward.
It's not game over.
Unless someone nope-I-do's the swap.
I think the swap should happen after we open it too.
Yes.
Because then you get to see what –
But you could also nope-I-do.
Won't all the nope-I-dos be played by then? Won't all the nope-i-dos be played by then?
Won't all the nope-i-dos be played by then?
Yeah, you could play the nope-i-do at any time.
Sounded just like me.
I know.
You could wait days.
I think I might have just shit my pants.
What?
KB?
What's he doing?
What's he doing?
KB just might leave.
Yeah, he's walking around.
I think it's just,
no, I think he's got the pressure
of having a nope I do.
He's trying to think about
what to do with it.
He's also five for five
on just leaving on episodes
where we drink.
Yeah.
There's Google and strategy.
What do you do
when you have a nope I do?
Didn't he leave a case race
with like two hours left?
Yeah.
He just left.
Well, that was the one
he ate mushrooms.
He genuinely thought it was over.
He ate mushrooms.
He genuinely thought it ended.
Yeah.
He ate mushrooms on his birthday and then we had had a case race, and then he left.
Yeah.
All right.
Who's next?
This is for eighth pick.
Eighth pick.
So it's me, Titus, Sass.
Oh, fourth.
Fourth pick.
Fourth pick.
Kyle Bauer.
Okay, Kyle's got the fourth pick.
And I'm dreaming of a white seven. This is for what pick?
Seven Seven
I'm seven
Oh that's a great pick
Seven's a great pick
Whoever lands on gets fifth
Okay whoever lands on gets fifth
And the person is sixth be merry and bright
and may all
your Christmases be
white
be white
Sass, you celebrate Christmas?
Morse
I thought you were Jewish
It's all a lie. I'm Jewish.
It's all an illusion.
Just like the ones I used to know.
And I'm dreaming.
All right, do we have it, TJ?
We have the full order?
Something wrong?
All right.
Shocking.
Shall we go?
Shall we start?
So we're picking now.
So when are we opening gifts?
Wait, we decide that.
I think you open it as soon as you get it.
Or at the end?
We wait until everything is drafted?
Do we do it before the steals?
I think, okay, I got an idea.
We all pick our gifts when it's all settled,
then we spin the wheel to see the order of who opens.
Or you pick your gift, we spin open or keep closed.
Yes!
Oh, God fucking damn it.
We keep closed.
Yes.
I didn't, that was a jest.
It's on keep closed.
We have to destroy it.
All right.
So everyone picks their gifts.
Then everyone opens their gifts.
Nope, I do's in play all throughout.
Of course.
Then we do the three steals.
Nope, I do's still in play.
Right?
Always.
Always.
And then we're done.
Right. Well, it swaps. Yeah, no, I said the three steals. Okay, And then we're done. Right.
One of the swaps.
Yeah, no, I said the three.
Okay, yeah, sorry, sorry.
Clearly you haven't.
So no-bye-dos are in play at all times from start to finish.
So you could, if you have a no-bye-do, you could play it literally at the very end.
But you'd have to then spin to see if you got a mousetrap.
All right.
So you're up.
I'm up. Nick.
First pick. Okay.
No.
No.
Oh, he's going straight for...
That's usually the best one. Not that one.
What? I said nope, not that
one. Really? No, he faked you with. What? I said nope, not that one.
No, he faked you with the nope.
I said nope, not that one.
He's decoying.
Yeah.
He's not actually playing the nope.
He's just playing you.
He didn't say nope, I do.
He said nope, that's fine.
That's just conversation.
Oh, that's just my buddy chatting with me.
I always say the word dope.
I'll take Brandon's for him.
I got it.
Say what?
Smells nice.
My turn?
Yeah, should we cheers?
Thank you, Ron.
Yeah, cheers.
Cheers to ourselves.
Wait, does everyone in the booth have them?
Yes.
Okay.
Do a cheers for us, Roan.
Pause, but may your life be like Italian bread, long and full of dough.
Shit.
May your only ups and downs be between the sheets,
and may you steer clear of the skeezers, dick teasers, and weirdos.
Cheers.
Cheers. Cheers.
Yeah.
I can get down with this.
It's nice, right?
Oh, that's good. I don't know if nice is hard. It's tasty. It doesn't look like nicotine. It's nice, right? Oh, that's good.
I don't know if nice is good.
It's taste.
It doesn't look like nickel.
It's not that bad.
Not that bad.
Oh, it's beautiful.
And it's smooth.
This is giving me an idea.
Who's up?
I'm up.
Number two.
Let's go, Titus.
Oh.
Well, that fell off the other one.
Yeah.
I've seen so many cast races. Oh. It fell off the other one. Yeah.
I've seen so many
cast races.
That wasn't on that one.
Gold bow was this.
But it fell to that one.
He wore the gold bow.
Before I play anything,
what is the weight?
What's the mass?
We should be able to feel.
What part of your body did you engage right there?
Glutes.
Oh, okay.
Kyle.
So heavy.
Glutes.
That looks like something for a cat.
Could be a microwave.
Is that the first thing you think of for a cat, you sociopath?
Hold on.
Yeah, you're right.
It could be something like a microwave.
It's a cat-sized microwave.
Wait, am I up?
Yeah.
No, I'm up.
I'm a pick three.
All right, you're up.
Nope.
Oh, yeah.
Nope, nope, nope.
Sass, don't.
Don't do it.
I've seen Sass get too drunk on so many case races.
And I've seen him wake up with the most anxiety ever.
And I'm just like, I want that.
Zess, if you want your jacket,
you should take your jacket.
Because you ain't getting it back.
I got the 11th pick, buddy,
and I promise you,
I'm taking your jacket
and I'm keeping it.
It's a brand new L.L. Bean.
There's also the two gigantic ones.
I got it.
Take tall boy.
I hope one's a giant mousetrap
No one's going for the big boys
Wait till I get there
Oh
Oh
Oh
Interesting
Hanukkah wrapping
My 1-1 is still out there
Ooh
Yeah
Mine too
Have you tipped off what your 1-1 is
Or have you been playing it close to the I've been playing-1 is, or have you been playing it close to it?
I've been playing it close to the best.
I've been playing it close to the jacket.
Oh.
You'd look good in that.
Dude, if you—
No one knows what I want.
Oh, he's going for big boy.
He's going for the big boy.
And the rule is, like, whatever you win, you can destroy.
Yes.
Yes.
The only thing is you can't sell it.
That's the only rule is you can't sell whatever you get.
I cannot conceive that height.
What could that be?
I think it's a rug.
I think it's a rolled up rug.
That would be heavy, wouldn't it?
It could be a light rug.
Like a pole vault?
It could be golf clubs.
It could be a pole vault.
It could be a pole vault.
Who's up?
Who's up?
No, I'm going this.
KB's up.
I'm going wide big. Wide big. Going choked. I'm not I'm going this. KB's up. I'm going wide big.
Wide big.
Going choked.
I'm not going to move it.
KB took the phone.
Okay.
Also, wide big is gone.
Okay.
Take the bow off so we know it's yours.
Absolutely.
Yeah, hold that bow.
Like Daisy Duke.
Yeah.
All right, who's up next?
Wait, where's my brother?
TJ.
TJ. Here comes TJ. TJ.
Here comes TJ. Slim boy.
Looking good.
No.
That's two gifts.
Is that two?
You gotta put that one down.
No, I think it's the same gift.
No, it's not.
It's wrapped in the same paper.
A lot of them are.
Wait, but that means we have too many gifts. No, it's not. It's wrapped in the same paper. A lot of them are. Wait, but that means we have too many gifts.
No, it's not.
I was on a different.
Yeah, that was laying by itself all the time.
You still want that, TJ?
Christmas.
All right, then put it down.
Oh, because you felt the weight?
Oh, wow.
Put the little one in the penalty.
Obviously, you're allowed to put it back down.
He touched it. He touched it. No, that's not how that works. You can touch it. You can touch it. That's how. Obviously, you're allowed to put it back down. He touched it.
He touched it.
No, that's not how that works.
You can touch it.
You can touch it.
That's how it's worked before.
He's keeping it.
Oh, he's keeping it.
I said, stay away from that one, TJ.
I said, stay away from that one.
It's light.
Suspiciously.
Light doesn't mean bad.
Empty box light.
I'm just saying.
Homemade nothing.
Okay.
Zah.
What number are we on?
Six.
I'll be blue.
Don't do me dirty, Zah.
Don't do me dirty, Zah.
Don't do me dirty, Zah.
Oh, that's mine.
Don't do me.
Oh, we're allowing touching?
Yes.
Don't do me dirty, Zah.
I was kicking.
I was touching.
Don't do me dirty, Zah.
I'll be so blue.
Why don't you smell that bag?
Fuck me, za.
Does it smell like za-za?
Fuck me, za.
Does it smell like za-za-za?
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh!
Fuck!
That was wiffle ball revenge.
No, I'm telling you.
That was wiffle ball revenge.
That jacket just got copped, dude.
He has a jacket.
He's keeping the jacket.
I wanted your jacket.
No bean, bro.
You've made a severe mistake.
The jacket is part of the gift.
I promise you it is.
Yes, it is.
Weren't you a something from home guy?
Yes.
So that's a little confusing because your jacket is from home.
That's part of it.
My jacket's from LL Bean.
Who's to say that the jacket isn't the gift and you...
I'll take that one.
The big tall one?
Yeah.
KB, can you pass it to me?
So you're seven?
Yeah.
Who's eight?
Oh, my God.
Wait, we're passing it like this?
I told you.
It's light as hell. No, we're strong as hell. What do you mean's light as hell.
No, we're strong as hell.
What do you mean?
It's mine.
I'm going to keep it like this.
No one's playing their cards?
What is that?
Yes, it's mine.
Skis?
It's already claimed.
It's claimed.
Kyle took it. Yeah!
Rip out of the shot, bro. Good play.
Yeah, you're right.
What could that be? No, I was kidding. So what's on the table still? It's mine.
Well, is it yours or not?
Obviously, I've said it's mine five times.
Yeah, no, it's his.
It's his.
It's his.
It's his.
You should put it closer to yourself.
Sass is hammered.
That's Sass.
That's Sass.
Sass is drunk off aspartame.
The DCs are talking.
He does seem drunk.
Yeah.
Take that one.
That's a good one.
Trust me, that's a good one. That probably is. Trust me. Take that one. That's a good one. That probably is a good one.
That probably is. Trust me.
God damn it, that's the best one.
Did you get that one? I just know it's the best one.
I can see it's the best.
You want mine? Do you see how big mine is? Brandon, I won't give you the eyes, but if it's a note,
you have to give me your 500.
Big piece. Looks like Roan's
a little unhappy with that one. The sphinx of
Nick over there.
Nick, that was an absolute fucking diabolical moment.
I can't wait to open these.
Damn it.
Brandon going Star of David.
That was my one, Mom.
That was your one, Mom?
Yep.
That could be a microwave, too.
Okay, so what are the ones left?
These three?
Who's up?
Who's up?
Who's up?
Am I up?
Yeah.
Ten?
No.
Mook is up
Mook's up
Wait so we have an extra gift
Perfect
Yeah we do have an extra gift
That one
That one we just
That's why
No 11 gets two gifts
No the one
The one that's left over
Nope I do
One
The one that's left over
We just walked out
Wait do you just play it?
I don't have it
Wait you can't just say it then
No we have one extra gift
That's like calling time out
You don't have any time out
We have the extra gift We just throw it in the dumpster No we're not throwing it in the dumpster We just say it then. No, we have one extra gift. That's like calling time out. You don't have any time out. We have an extra gift.
We just throw it in the dumpster.
No, we're not throwing it in the dumpster.
We just throw it in the dumpster.
That could be a $1,000 gift.
Just take it straight.
11th gift.
11th gift.
I can't.
Wait, did we have 12 gifts?
Yeah, we had 12 gifts.
I feel like the card was part of the other gift.
So who brought?
No.
Oh.
Page would know.
Who brought a gift?
It was probably Kate.
That's Kyle's gift that he brought from home.
That's his homemade gift.
Yeah, that's mine.
Could have been Mr. Claus himself.
I had two gifts.
Oh, Zahid brought two gifts.
My gift was three parts, but I think they put them in one box.
Oh, you brought two gifts to add up to your number.
Yeah, five under. What two? Two one box. Oh, you brought two gifts to add up to your number. Yeah.
Five under.
What two?
Two different boxes.
Somebody should get both those boxes.
No, they're mutually exclusive.
I think 11 should be. Wait.
You brought one gift.
We mutually exclusive.
You screwed up the whole thing.
Connor Griffin, you get the homemade gift.
Connor Griffin gets homemade.
Yeah.
Unless somebody else wants it.
That's fair.
No, that's extremely fair.
Where is Connor?
He's right behind you.
Go get it.
We made the most confusing show ever, and then at the very end, Zaz was like, yeah,
I got two gifts.
Usually exclusive.
And he stood on business.
He was like, no, they're separate.
No, you don't get both.
Yeah.
All right, so now we're opening.
What is happening?
Are we?
Are we all opening?
No, no.
I thought we were spinning to see who opened.
I thought we were opening and then spinning, because then you know what you lost.
Yes.
That makes it better.
We'll go reverse order, so Rome would open first.
Yeah.
If we won it, we can swap or play a...
No, no.
No buy-dos are alive.
Yes.
Everyone's going to open up their gifts, open it in reverse order, and then we'll do this
wheel...
Wait, so I get last pick and I'm first to get fucked?
Yep.
Okay.
So wait, if you no buy-do somebody, do they get your gift?
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, it's a reverse of the swap. But the six swaps at the do they get your gift? Yes. Okay, okay.
But the six swaps at the end still stand.
Yes.
Three swaps.
Six people.
Okay.
So I'm opening.
You're opening.
No-buy do's stand through the swaps, too.
Another shot first.
Yeah, probably. Unless they've already been used.
No-buy do's can be played after it's been opened?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
They get played forever.
Jade, I don't act like you.
Forever?
You are allowed to save your no-buyiUs and bring them into the real world.
You can save this for three months?
You're going to fuck your wife.
I might walk in and say, nope, I do.
Yep.
Again?
That is allowed.
That's allowed.
All I got to do is put my finger in a mousetrap.
Yep.
You'll get AIDS.
That's my mom.
No, but I have got it from your mom.
Connect those dots. You gave my get AIDS. That's my mom. No, but I have got it from your mom. Connect those dots.
You gave my wife AIDS.
All right, Rowan.
Open up the gift.
Give me a little bit of blue.
From my stupid mother.
Are you itching for some blue?
No, not at all.
This is good ass blue. I see what it's doing to you boys. I was just? No, not at all. You want it at all? This is good-ass blue.
I see what it's doing to you boys.
I was just still enjoying it.
Are you lonesome?
All right, all right.
Shamed.
Wait, what's that Christmas?
Smurf cum.
Clip that.
Smurf.
Chat, chat.
Come off with a blue drink.
And I'll be blue.
Great try.
Cheers.
Cheers, my boys.
Cheers, cheers, cheers. Let's roll up the sleeves.
Who's open? Rowan is.
Everyone, sleeves up. Let's go.
You know the drill.
Sleeves up for this shot.
Sleeves up now.
Alright.
Mookie, sleeves up. Come on.
Titus?
Titus, higher.
Higher. Okay, here Titus, higher. Higher.
Okay, here we go, Roan.
And people obviously claim what you got.
Yeah.
Like, tell them who bought it.
Big-ass Amazon box, heavy as hell.
Wow.
This was me.
Batteries.
But all these boxes also are boxes that...
Who has your jacket, Sass?
Like, Paige had just a bunch of boxes.
Oh, she re-boxed things?
I know she re-boxed mine.
We should probably have a knife.
What?
Do you guys use knives?
Yes, use this, use this.
I do.
Oh, shit.
Litter robot?
Whoa!
Whoa! Oh, oh. Woah! Woah!
Hey!
Hey!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Is that a Roomba?
It's a shark Roomba.
Oh my god.
That's a good gift!
Good gift.
That's a good gift.
That's my gift.
Great gift.
How much?
You gotta give it to the fire department.
So MSRP I think is 700 but it was on- it was a flash sale yesterday.
So I got it like 340.
Oh, my God.
Titus?
Oh, wow.
Tease God.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
Ah, well.
700 value?
I can't.
For the last pick?
Oh, my God.
This is Brock Purdy right here.
That gift sucks.
It's a $700 shirt, but it's a vacuum.
I got a vacuum at home.
Gonna wipe your puppy shit all over the apartment.
I don't have space for that.
Yeah.
Okay.
I have a girlfriend.
Why would I need a vacuum?
I don't need a vacuum to push itself.
You got shit to a fire department.
Who's up next?
Me, right?
Yeah.
I got a bad feeling about this one.
Why?
There's nothing good in that box.
What the fuck is this?
Thin.
Lego.
Lego.
Oh, Legos.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
That's a bomb. How many pieces?
Wait, what's the age?
18 plus.
Who bought that?
That's one of my gifts.
Oh, the exclusive. Wait, what's the age? 18 plus. Who bought that? That's one of my gifts.
Oh, the exclusive.
Yeah, that is the $21,335 pieces.
That's the $300 portion of the $500. That is so fucking awesome.
Pretty sick.
Anyone going to use it, though?
You going to steal that?
I'll just put that thing in the dumpster now.
That's not what KV was saying.
He was saying, is anyone going to use their nope ideas? Yeah, the nope ideas.
What the fuck?
He said honest reactions.
Dude, I think I would.
Oh, yeah.
Honest reactions.
Take another shot.
Honest reaction.
Take another reaction.
Go, Mook.
Fuck these Legos.
Wait, you don't want those Legos?
Zah?
I'm not a Lego guy.
Yeah, fuck them Legos, too.
Yeah, Zah didn't take it.
You know what the gift was?
He had a chance to take it.
I think that could be a fun evening in.
Fucking Miles Turner over here.
I'll be looking to swap.
I think I want those Legos.
Yeah?
I don't know.
We can make a deal.
No, no, no making deals.
You take what you get.
How?
Shit.
Unless the no-buy duesdoos hit or the swap hits.
Who's up?
Brandon.
Brandon's opening.
Oh, foot massager.
All right.
Thoughts, Brandon?
Honest.
You're little piggies.
Yeah, again, I have a wife.
I need a fucking foot massager.
That's sick.
That's what I like.
So that's the $200 version.
You were asked to buy one $500 gift.
Those two don't go together at all.
Trying to find something $500, man, is tough.
You're acting like there's nothing that costs $500.
I mean, pinpointing it is tough.
What do you mean?
I just got a $300 Lego and then a foot massager
But they can't be together
$500 for a foot massager. I don't like that. Mom's reaction. You want a swap?
No, you can't you're not allowed not yet. There's no swaps yet, and there's no personal swaps now
Yeah, you got to do what the game says. Alright, who's up next?
Brandon's trying to re-gift a lighthouse to his fucking seed. Oh, this is what Brandon
wanted.
Who's opening?
Very delicate.
Okay, that could be
really valuable.
Paper. Okay.
Mobile transfer ticket.
Ooh, wow.
Tickets to Alanis Morissette.
Wait, wait.
Wait, what?
I don't... Where?
Where?
Freedom Mortgage Pavilion?
Where's that?
Philadelphia.
Wait, it was $1,000?
That's awesome.
Oh, my God. Rowan, that was yours? $1,000? That's awesome. Oh, my God, Rowan, that was yours?
$1,000?
Where are these seats?
In the orchestra pit.
When is it?
That's not bad.
My wife is from the area.
Wait, where is it?
When is it?
It was yesterday.
July 2nd.
Oh, that's going to be beautiful.
That's a phenomenal break.
Nope, I do.
Hey, good use. Good use!
Good use!
No way!
No way!
So do I give this to you?
Yeah, you gotta spin
to see if you just get a straight up
nope I do or you get a nope I do with a mousetrap.
So,
does that cancel the nope I do? Yeah, right? So I don't get itetrap. So, wait. Does that cancel the nope-i-do?
Yeah, right? So I don't get it at all.
No, I think it's just he either
adds a mousetrap or it's a straight-up nope-i-do.
Yeah, you get the nope-i-do regardless.
You get the nope-i-do regardless.
I get lucky enough to get the nope-i-do.
This is your thing. It's either a straight-up nope-i-do
or a mousetrap.
I just kind of blurt. What aren't you getting?
Blurt it out again.
You can blurt out whatever nope-i-urt. What aren't you getting? Blurt it out again. You can blurt out whatever.
Spin it. What a play.
After you found out that his wife's
family is from the area.
And it's right around July 4th.
What a great concert.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like the 8th row.
Fucking incredible tickets.
Over a thousand dollars.
I will have to get to Philly somehow.
They got a Greyhound.
Ronan's just going to end up with these again.
Okay.
He gets the tickets, but it's awesome as a ducker. This is ironic.
Yeah.
So we still swap, right?
Yeah, you still swap.
So, Steven, you're going to open up Nick's gift because he...
Or no, you got to wait until the first pick.
And there are three no-pie dudes that are still on the board.
Let me move my gift out of the way.
Same thingy.
The little mousy.
It's the second mousy of the day.
Look at that cheese.
Whatever you want to do.
Get it, mousy.
Come on, mousy mouse.
Mousy Mouse. Mousey Mouse.
You almost did it right with the music.
Yeah, that would have been fucking sweet.
Go.
That gets you a lot more set tickets.
Yeah.
Worth it?
Good swap.
Oh, you ought to know.
Very nice.
Just went through the whole fucking album.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
Jagged a little pill?
Hand in my pocket.
Oh, I didn't even hear you.
This finger's fucked.
Three times in two days.
I passed with my left.
All right, good.
I was fucking worried.
Who's up?
I'm in the doghouse if I get home and I can't blast.
What do you mean you can't blast?
Babe, I got good news and bad news.
I got Alanis Morissette tickets, but I can't blast.
We can listen to all the songs, but I can't touch your pussy. Good news and bad news. I got Alanis Morissette tickets, but I can't blast. We can listen to all the songs, but I can't touch your pussy.
Good news, bad news.
Good news.
Do you know what this is?
We're going to the orchestra.
I have no idea.
Bad news.
You're not going to get off tonight.
Is that a wrestling mat?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, please be.
No, not that heavy.
Where is it? It's going to be like a mat. No, not that heavy. Not heavy enough. Where is?
It's going to be like a map. Is this just a fake box?
Oh.
We got played.
God damn it.
Oh.
Oh, no.
That's a...
Oh, god damn it.
You got...
Yeah, I knew it.
There was nothing that height.
Nothing?
I was trying to cheat on you.
Yeah, but where'd we get the box?
Like a hatchet from the golf simulator or some shit?
It's good tunes. It's like a bard I
said to thee oh
Connors just had scissors. Yeah, they're right there and a box got there, but it's more fun to rip it with your hands
Yes, this is for pussies. I've been gnarliest fucking paper cut
Good pun.
Oh, my God.
My fucking finger, dude.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
Almost there.
This is a letdown.
This could be tears.
We could see tears.
Big Cat cries.
I would cry right now if I was him.
This is a fucking yacht park.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
$20.
$100 of Fortnite bucks.
Oh, God.
It doesn't get worse than that, folks.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, no. Lucky fuck. Oh, no.
Lucky me.
No, it's like 30,000 V-Bucks.
Lucky me.
That's huge.
Who was that?
That's me.
That's you, Moog.
You're a piece of shit, Moog.
You're a piece of shit.
That guy just gave you $4,000.
Dude, those V-Bucks will go a long way.
Did you rap it, too, or did Paige do that?
Paige did it.
Oh, that's so fucked up.
Paige was on some diabolical shit.
That's bad. I gave it to her. Did you rap it too or did Paige do that? Paige did it. Oh, that's so fucked up. Paige was on some diabolical shit. Okay.
That's bad.
I gave it to her.
She's like, I can fuck around with this.
KB, you gotta be bugging about that stupid ass fucking box over there.
Now I'm hyped.
Because it was...
Because what?
Another prank like that?
That would...
Tip of the cap.
All right, who's up next?
Sass, do you play Fortnite?
Are you upset that I'm upset, Mook?
Yeah, but I'm not buying Spend.
Okay.
No.
I'm buying Spend. I hate this fucking game. not buying this. No. No. I'm buying this.
I hate this fucking game.
I got Legos.
Oh, bad.
I got Legos.
Legos is significantly better than the Fortnite gift card.
I'd rather have the Fortnite gift card.
Fortnite's a free game.
It's also free.
Is it?
Yeah.
There's nothing you can get that would make it better.
Buy skins.
You could buy the weekend skin or the Peter Griffin skin. You could buy Titus's outfit. There's nothing you can get that would make it better. Buy skins.
You could buy the weekend skin or the Peter Griffin skin.
You could buy Titus' outfit.
Peter Griffin skin. There is a Christmas tree guy outfit.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
All right, who's next?
I'm up.
All right, Zaha.
All righty.
This is pretty bad.
I'm a chance.
See it.
Oh, boy.
Blazy Susan
No, I like them, but it's free. You know what I have one of these so so fuck this
I have one of these already you wanted my honest reaction. I have one of these what is it?
I take no offense. I actually wanted it, but also that you get the
Would like to apologize. Thank you, Seth.
No, I don't want an apology.
I don't want an apology.
I was hoping...
There is another gift that I didn't bring.
I can get swaps.
It's a big dog vintage golf polo.
Oh, that's incredible.
Yes.
No, no, he'll just take the jacket.
That's at my hotel.
I can bring that in tomorrow.
No, the jacket is what he wants.
What size?
Yeah, it's all.
Throw on the jacket.
It does not fit me.
I just want to see what the jacket looks like on you, Zod.
It's too big.
I bet it's going to look good.
No, it'll fit you.
It's a good polo.
Great quality.
So, Blazy Susan, a coat.
No, the coat is not included.
Yes, it is.
Okay.
Put the coat on.
Who's next?
Zod, don't you fucking dare.
Luke, I want to see that lighthouse just set up in your apartment.
There's so much pressure knowing there's three people.
I'll never be able to put this together.
I know.
Fucking Luke.
Why is that?
Oh.
The loudest.
Is TJ?
Oh, yes, TJ.
What's he got?
TJ got a box.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
That could be anything.
Mm-hmm.
It could be in anything.
Let's hope. That's a anything. It could be in anything. Let's hope.
That's a whole box of Blazy Suze in fucking bags.
Don't disrespect Blazy Suze.
I love Blaze.
Shout out Blazy Trey.
Blase Suze.
Blase, Blase, Blase.
Is this a lot of things in that box?
Yes, sir.
What's he got?
Wait.
Is that more? Are those mutually that box? Yes, sir. What's he got? Wait.
Is that more?
Are those mutually exclusive?
Oh, more boxes.
Oh, my God.
Oh, there could be small boxes inside those boxes.
I think there might be.
What was that noise?
Is it a Funko Pop?
Oh, yeah.
A tinier box. Another Amazon box.
Funko Pop's not a bad gift.
Yeah, it is.
That shit sucks dick.
It does.
Thanks.
I got Gamora for fucking...
I got Heisenberg.
Yeah, this is sweet.
Thanks.
Oh, wait.
This is my gift, I think.
There's a lot.
Oh. TJ, turn your mic on. Oh, you're going to lose this, TJ. I don't know what this is.. Thanks. Oh, wait. This is my gift, I think. There's a lot.
TJ, turn your mic on.
Oh, you're going to lose this, TJ.
I don't know what this is. Just so you know.
Looks like a Funko Pop.
It's a Fortnite Funko Pop.
I have two of those.
Fanny pack with a speaker in it?
Hell yeah.
Cool.
Fuck yeah.
Come up.
Cool.
How many boxes are in there?
Wireless business headset.
Oh yeah, I bought you a Bluetooth.
Oh, fire.
Old school.
Dude, you gotta start driving Uber.
Yeah, old school Bluetooth.
Oh, TJ, there's one thing you're gonna love in this.
As-salamu alaykum, brother.
Uber drivers don't even, like, speak English.
So yeah, I bought, like like six things that all are worthless.
Thank you.
Yeah.
How much were, how much were your...
It was like, it was 50, but I ended up spending about like 250.
This sounds like it's Chex Mix.
Yeah.
Sounds like it's one of those...
I don't remember everything I bought, so this is going to be a surprise to me as well.
Mm-hmm.
What's that?
Digital finger
watches? Oh yeah, pinky rings.
Oh cool. Four of them.
But watches? Yeah.
I don't know why I got four because you only have two pinkies.
Kyle, are you getting excited?
What else?
It might be a big drum.
It might be a djembe.
It could be a big djembe.
It's like a big ass.
Yeah.
What is that?
Wait, what is that, TJ?
Power style.
Oh, I think that's one of those.
I bought the crazy flashlights that blind you.
Oh, power style.
Yeah. That's sick. The tactical flashlights. blind you. Oh, power stuff. Yeah.
That's sick.
The tactical flashlights.
I would love one of those.
Yeah, you turn it on and it lights up the whole sky.
There's two of them.
Oh, there's two of them?
You got a Kimbo.
You got to turn that on.
Yeah, let's turn this on.
Put on that power style.
All right, what else?
There's one thing you're going to love in there, TJ.
Oh, there's more.
There's way more.
Yeah.
I don't remember. The Bluetooth is the crown
That big box out uh just throw it what's that?
Did you buy
What TJ we laugh ring us some noise that just happened oh, yeah
The gift is opening them, really.
Yeah.
My gift is being with you guys.
Gay.
Yeah.
Okay, then.
Apple Watch magnetic fast charger.
What?
Wait.
Oh, wait.
No, that actually, I bought that for myself.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Fuck!
I don't think so.
I just got a new Apple Watch.
Merry Christmas.
There was a bunch of boxes in my front hallway, and I just grabbed them all.
There's going to be, like, shit for your wife in there.
Yeah, fuck!
Damn it!
That was not supposed to be for you.
Thanks, big kid.
Wait, that one's the one.
Brandon's going to be jealous of this.
Fuck yes.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
It's got to be a wrestling thing.
Nope.
I'll be jealous.
Yeah, you'll be jealous.
Come out and show it to the people.
Either wrestling or titties.
Come out and show it to them.
Those look like titties.
Not in that bag.
Titties usually come different wrapping.
What is it?
Get out of here. And screaming. The What is it? Get out of here.
And screaming.
The hell?
Get your ass out of here.
No.
The hell?
Look at that.
Ooh.
It's a Game Boy watch.
What?
What?
It's a Game Boy?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's a Game Boy watch.
How do you like Atlantis more?
How cool is that?
Zoom in.
That is sick.
Yeah, I got a lot of stuff.
Yeah, it's cool.
I technically got you five watches. A lot of watches. Yeah, I got a lot of stuff. That's cool.
I technically got you five watches.
A lot of watches.
Four pinky ring watches and a flashlight.
And a charger for your watch.
Yeah.
I need to see that flashlight, too.
Dude, it's sick.
It was the top of my Amazon for you.
It was just a dude clicking it, and the whole light, the whole sky lit up.
You're supposed to have it if you're a woman in a bad area.
Also, two Switchblade pocket combs.
Oh, I forgot about those.
Two Switchblade pocket combs.
Yeah.
Two Switchblade pocket combs, two flashlights, Game Boy Watch,
Apple Watch charger, four pinky rings.
Wow.
And a speaker. And a Bluetooth headset. And a speaker head phone.
And a Bluetooth headset.
And a Bluetooth headset.
I think I won.
That's good shit.
It's really good.
That's good trinkets.
Yeah, okay.
I love trinkets.
Me too.
It's all the trinkets.
Who's up?
KB next.
All right.
KB.
He was trying to move it over, but I think he gave up.
He was too weak. I didn't want to
Accidentally open it
I think this one is mine
We won't go until you get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until you get some
So bring it right here
I think this one might be mine But I need need to see it open at first to know.
It cannot be upside down either.
Mine was big and heavy.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
It's Nicky Smokes.
Oh, yeah.
That's fire.
Yeah, KB's the perfect guy to get this.
Did you get a guy?
Got a guy. A body opponent bag. Yeah. Oh, my God, KB. the perfect guy to get this. Did you get a guy? Got a guy.
Yeah.
Oh, my God, KB.
That's huge.
Oh, yeah.
Somebody break his heart.
I'm going to fly.
I'm going to have to get another seat on the plane and fly back with that thing.
Oh, yeah. Oh, hell
yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.
Look at his ass.
Fuck him up. Fuck him up,
Kyle.
Oh, yeah.
I think it was $400. That's Palizzy's guy.
$400, which is $360 more than I would have guessed.
You'd think.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
It comes with a whole base.
The Aeneas Studio just came up.
Oh, man.
We're not keeping that, are we?
Somebody's going to steal that.
I was going to his house.
Yeah, definitely.
All right.
That cat's going to claw the shit out of that thing.
Who's up next?
That thing is sick.
Sass. Sass.
Sassy, open it.
Open it.
Open it.
Sass, open your gift.
Oh, I'm up?
Yeah.
And then who's left?
I saw you coming in with that.
I thought it was Sass, Titus, and Nick in that order.
Yes, but Nick is Che.
Nick is Che. Nick is Che.
Nick is Che.
Che is Nick.
Who else needs some blue?
Reused box.
He's already bitching.
No, I'm not.
I'm just stating the fact.
Reused box.
They're scissors.
You don't need scissors.
In Christmas with all two.
Is this a drill?
What is it?
It's a saw.
What is it?
Hold it up.
Who got this?
That was mine.
Oh, that would be fun on the bike.
Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's great.
These are actually pretty sick.
You can get it to your fridge.
Oh, you can break into your fridge.
Find the mice.
You can fly with that.
That's exactly what you needed.
You can check that.
This is huge.
It's two drills and two saws.
Yeah, you need that to get it to your fridge.
Oh, there we go.
That's a great gift. That's a great gift. saws. I wanted one of these. Yeah, you need that to get it to you. Oh, there we go. That's a great gift.
That's a great gift.
Thank you.
No, I really do like it.
Andyman like me?
Anyone?
No, but me.
Nope, my turn.
All right, Titus.
All right.
Here we go.
Oh, let's go.
Oh, shit.
Fireplace?
That's what you just said.
Yeah.
The solo stove.
Nice.
That thing's sweet.
They're a sponsor.
Oh, it's a sponsor.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, you can just have that cooking.
The solo smokeless stove.
That's a good gift, too.
That's a great gift.
I bought that.
Did you actually buy it, or did they?
No, I got it.
That might be the best gift.
Do you use the promo code? We keep talking about them
and I was like, I would like
for one of my friends to have those.
We're like, I want that.
That's a smokeless stove. You just sit out and
Wait, that's fucking awesome.
You want to go to Morissette?
Hell yeah. I want to steal that.
You should post and say you're off the smoke.
Where are all the no-buy dues?
Crazy. I think they're waiting?
Meanwhile, Connor Griffin is one of the luckiest sons of bitches in this building.
Streamore! Really?
Why, what'd you get him? Oh, Connor, open your gift.
Oh wait, no, Che and then Connor.
Yeah, but Connor is off the grid. He can't be stolen from.
Can't be stolen from.
So he just has keepies on KB's gift?
Yeah.
Sass, I want you to board the plane with a tool belt and that in the belt.
That looks good, too.
Yeah, it's my gift.
I wanted it.
That's why I picked it.
What is that?
It's a Dolby Audio portable 1080p full HD video projector.
It's a big ass.
God damn.
Don't hit his ass with it. I got that half off. I had a $350. affordable 1080p full HD video projector It's a big ass projector God damn! Whoa!
Don't hit his ass with it
I got that half off
I had a $350 gift that was half off
Steal it back, Nick
Wait, is this a projector TV?
Yes
Oh, cool
Thanks
Fuck
A fire station's about to be having a movie night, dude
I would keep this if I'm lucky enough to retain it
Hey, Connor, what do you got?
Where should I open this?
Use your no buy dude.
Uh, it was $700.
I got a no buy dude right there.
Right there.
And this can't be no buy dude.
It's mysterious, the no buy dude.
Oh, no.
Goal!
It's a bunch of cookies!
Oh, that's awesome! Oh, man. That's the best gift here. KB, is there more? Go cookies. Oh
That's the best gift here KB. Is there more yeah, it should be my yes, I'm back the luckiest motherfucker in here
That why you were late did you cook these KB a little a little bit I beat the eggs that's cologne Cologne Homemade cologne Did you make cologne?
Fair warning, I don't know what it's gonna smell like
But I did
Come out here and spritz that
There's still something left in the bag
One second
What else is in there? How do you make cologne? There's still something left in the bag. One second.
What else is in there?
How do you make cologne?
It should be glaringly obvious what else is in there. It's a pair of size 9 Nikes.
They fit big.
What size are you, Connor?
13.
Wait, spritz yourself, man.
I want to smell you.
This might be up. Yeah, we got to get a hazard. Give want to smell you. Oh, this might be up.
Yeah, we got to get a hazard.
Give me a little on my...
I use some citrus.
Oh, my God.
It's not bad.
Those are the shoes Kyle wore today on the app.
Kyle wore those shoes today.
Oh, those are the shoes.
Those are his ridiculousness shoes.
We made fun of him and he gave away his shoes.
Holy shit.
We made fun of you so hard.
This smells so good.
You didn't make this.
How did you make this?
I didn't fucking make it.
That's great.
Damn it.
I forgot I had it, though.
I'm too afraid to use it.
You're too afraid to use cologne, but it smells good. Yeah
I can't believe you made this
There's still three more swaps yet to go I'm just testing it out hey, why are you opening?
That's so back in there. Are you KB open here? It's not yours. Yeah, that's it his out. Yeah, that's it out
I see did he threw it on the ground. No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
Never did.
Never did.
It never happened.
Never happened.
All right, so there's still three nope-i-dos out there?
Just because you guys didn't get the idea to open yours doesn't mean I can't open mine.
It wasn't an idea.
I had the idea.
All right, let's do swaps.
So it's the spin, and then it's just those two people paired up have to swap, no complaints.
And once they do, they're off the wheel.
Correct.
Wait.
That can't be nope-i-dos? Whoa. Oh, that's they're off the wheel. Correct. Wait. That can't be normal.
Whoa.
Oh, that's a light.
What is that?
Holy shit.
That's the fucking first light.
Oh, my God, I want that.
Wait, do the bright one.
It's so bright.
Oh, shit.
Do the bright one.
Can you turn off the light?
That's not the bright one?
No, I think there's a brighter one.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
The projector's going.
You see it?
You like that?
Yeah, that was awesome.
It's sick
This light is so great
They had a special deal?
It was the last one
Stop opening that Sass
You can't stop me
Why?
You can't stop
Sass you're gonna have to bring
A bunch of like drill bits
In your bag
Just keep it in the box
Brother I'll be okay
What if you have to swap
With someone?
Holy shit
And they don't want it
Open like that
I just want to try the saw.
He just wants to try the saw.
There are two saws.
I got to get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, test one.
Yeah, of course.
Well, the saw's already out, brother.
It's right there.
What is that saw?
I'm trying to find the battery.
Well, it's not going to be charged.
It doesn't come with batteries, bro.
Wait, I think it could.
It doesn't come with a battery?
It probably comes with a battery.
It will be.
That shit's sweet.
That could stop an intruder.
Yeah.
I regret the cologne.
Yeah.
I don't know he didn't make it.
It kind of stinks.
It's Axe Body Spray.
Yeah, it's kind of awful.
It smells really strong.
Now it swaps.
It was good for homemade.
How about passing around those cookies, honestly?
What's wrong in here?
We're going to share the cookies?
No, no, that's just for Connor.
Take them home.
How about we pass around those cookies, Connor?
Well, let's spin the...
Wait, are they special cookies, KB?
Connor...
Maybe a Swaparoo?
Don't give anyone...
Those are for you only.
What kind of cookies are they?
Connor, I'm...
What kind of cookies?
Yeah, that's true.
I think chocolate chip and peppermint candy cane.
Oh, fuck.
That sounds so good.
I was wrong about this,
because this is probably the best gift.
All right, let's do Swaps now.
So that's a gift of $500 face value.
I can't do anything with it because I can't.
It's $500 face value, so stop
touching it then. Stop ripping it to shreds.
I am not ripping it to shreds.
You're ripping it to shreds.
You're ripping the battery.
It's Christmas.
I'm not going to not play with my toys
while I have them.
Before we bring them to the shelter and donate them.
Start spinning just so Sass can stop playing.
Three swaps.
Yeah, we got to stop him.
Three swaps.
Can't stop opening it, guys.
What do you want him to do?
Well, hurry up and spin.
So once the spin happens.
What do you got a saw?
That's all I wanted to do.
It's all the box.
Once the spin happens, what are you going to say?
You're dulling the saw now.
It's got a dull blade. I'll tell you that. You're making a duller. You can. It's all the box. Once the spin happens, what are you going to say? You're dulling the saw now. It's got a dull blade.
I'll tell you that.
You're making it duller.
You can't even carve through the cardboard.
What were you going to say?
Once the swap happens?
Once the swap happens, can you nope-I-do, or is everything off the table?
No, nope-I-do's always going to happen.
Nope-I-do's lasts to the end of the game.
You're pissing me off.
Chase someone.
That's sexy.
I kind of want to attach a dildo to this.
Just kind of.
I kind of want to attach a big fucking dildo.
Start off nice and soft.
Nice and easy like that.
Hell yes.
And then what?
Give that to Nick.
His finger's out of commission.
Yeah, dude.
I did that.
Bring this home to your girl.
Babe, I'm sorry about the finger.
I got this Atlantis ticket
and a power tool.
This is so sexual.
I got a craftmatic.
I'm going to fuck you bionically.
Oh my God.
Babe, I know I promised I wouldn't
mousetrap.
But I got a fucking treat for you tonight.
Oh man, let me know.
Let me know when. I'm going to be in so much trouble.
Tell me when.
Alright, let's do the first swap.
Alright, I'm done.
I'm done.
And once people swap, their names are off the board, though, correct?
Or can your gift be swapped infinite times?
It's swapped.
But can it be swapped multiple times?
No.
But it can be no pie, dude.
Right.
I think your name comes off.
That's what I think as well.
Yeah.
But I'm...
I really don't want to lose these tickets.
I don't want to lose these power drill.
It's just one.
Two drills, two saws.
I don't want to lose these power drills.
That's crazy.
I don't want to lose these power drills.
Dude, the DCs are singing.
Man.
All right, spin that thing.
Running off of like an hour of sleep.
All right.
Fuck.
Damn it.
Titus. Damn it. Titus.
Damn it.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
So who is Titus
trading with?
Whoever has an apartment
probably shouldn't.
That's smokeless.
Smokeless, bro.
Do that in an apartment.
You could light that thing
on the plane
if you wanted to.
Smokeless.
Smokeless, bro.
So do I leave him on
fire place?
No, you take him off.
Cool fire place. Ahmed Muhammad. So do I leave him on the final place? Take him off. Go on my
place. Ahmed
Muhammad.
God damn it.
Yes! God damn it.
That hurts.
That's so nasty.
That's nasty work.
Congratulations, Big Sam.
Fortnite.
What the hell? That's nasty work. That's fucked. Congratulations, Big Sam. Fortnite. Oh.
Hey.
What the hell?
Hey.
That's 30,000 V-Bucks.
You want me to chop them?
No.
No, no, no.
Let me take a saw.
Start them off slow.
I need that saw to wind up.
Great opportunity.
Nope, I do.
The Fortnite, by the way.
I mean, that's all I wanted to do.
I'm never going to use it after that.
That's what I wanted.
Fuck, dude.
I already had plans for that stove.
Yeah, and I have little kids, so I probably won't be able to use this for a while.
What were you going to do with the stove?
Turn it on.
But now, what are you going to do with the Fortnite box?
God, dude.
Dude.
I was a prodigy at Fortnite, though.
I played one time.
Yeah, you were awesome.
Yeah, you were.
37th.
Now you can do cool skins.
All right, but I could.
Oh, wait, no, I can't lose this now.
That's yours.
Unless I want no Piedos.
Somebody no Piedos.
Yeah, when are people going to use the no Piedos?
I can't believe you used yours, and there's still three floating out there.
And I still have to get to Philly.
Okay, spin it again.
No Piedos.
Okay. And I still have to get to Philly. Okay, spin it again. No, by the way.
We won't go until we get some.
We won't go until we get some. Oh.
Oh.
Not his drills.
Fucking A.
You know the drills, Zach.
You can't take away the man's drills.
Those are his drills.
Pack them back up.
You never got a chance to have that thing.
Fuck you.
I'm packing up shit, bitch.
Pack them back up, bitch.
You sloppy bitch.
I'll pack them up.
Yeah, you will.
You're getting more reset.
If you can come and take it from me.
Yep.
Oh.
Brandon.
Not my foot massager.
Brandon, this is actually pretty good.
Oh, this is a good trade-off.
Good deal.
No, this is a double L.
Double L. Look how fucking hot that is. Oh, this is a good trade-off. Good deal. No, this is a double L. Double L.
Look how fucking hot that is.
Baby, tell me when.
Brandon's never going to use that.
Baby, whenever you're ready.
Whenever you're ready.
No, no, no.
You can't even play with it anymore.
Let me know when you want me to kick it up to gear three.
Oh!
Brandon, are you going to use this on your lady?
All you got to do is just
you take a dildo and you just...
Let go of it, Sass. It's not yours anymore.
It's not yours.
All right, all right.
Say goodbye.
Sorry, I'm trying to figure out how to turn the safety on.
Battery off. Want me to take the blade out?
Because I know how to do that.
It came with the blade in. Just leave it.
It did not, brother. You put the blade in? Because I know how to do that. It came with the blade in. Just leave it. It did not, brother.
You put the blade in? Of course.
That was a great swap, Brandon.
Dude, you're going to hurt yourself.
So there's one more swap.
There's one more swap out there and three
nope-i-dos. Realistically, whatever
Sas gets is staying here. You can only nope-i-do for the swaps.
Don't lose that blade. What?
No, you can't nope-i-do for the swaps.
You can only do it for the
Goodbye
I don't know what else
You can do
We're gonna sit here
And just wait for everyone
To play their no pie do
Yeah it's a 12 hour stream
That thing is
Brandon
Two drills
Two saws
No
No that's yours
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Che! Hey, not projector. No. Yeah, I want that.
I want that bad.
I want that bad.
Yeah, it's sick.
Oh, he's stressing.
But he could get Atlantis back.
This would be just.
Or he could get Legos.
Oh!
He could get Legos!
Oh, my God.
What a cheek.
He's going to spin this win.
Billy boys, too.
Chase, you're going to spin this win.
Three, two, one, Che.
Wait, what?
What do you think about your Legos?
Somebody can know if I do.
Yeah.
He's going to spin it, yeah.
Did you just use a note by doing it?
No, I said honest reaction.
Oh.
I'm not a Lego guy, but I can appreciate that.
It's a cool gift, but I'm not going to personally assemble it.
Mook's apartment's the size, like if he projects it,
it would be the size of a stamp.
No, it's going to take up the entire apartment.
He's just going to use it as all his lighting.
I feel like that episode of The Office.
Yeah, but with a projector.
It's just like the theater.
So that was the last swap.
So how do we nope I do now?
I was expecting people to play them.
As was I. You have to use them, right? Yes. That was the one rule? I was expecting people to play them As was I
You have to use them, right?
Yes
That was the one rule, that you have to use them
People are just playing a game of chicken with us
Time to start swapping, fellas
Who's out there?
We got Fortnite Bucks
We got a foot massager
Got some drills
Lazy Susan
I'm convinced Che didn't write the proper amount
Very possible
I think he did
I think someone is a little scared.
His name rhymes with Randon.
Oh, shit.
I have one.
What the fuck?
Whoops.
I didn't know I had one.
Sass, you want a stove for your apartment in New York?
I would like that.
Nope, I do.
Wow.
You got to spin, brother.
Yeah, I'll spin.
Give me that foot massager.
I'm not getting up.
I'm for dick.
I thought I had a nope the whole time.
Anybody else have a nope I do?
Well, two people have it.
I have a nope.
Brandon has a nope I do.
I also have a nope.
I don't have a nope I do.
I have a nope.
Okay.
Titus?
I have a nope.
Booth?
Oh, TJ.
I have a nope I do.
Oh, TJ.
Ah, hey.
TJ.
I have a nope I do, too. What do you boys TJ. I have a Nope ID, too.
What do you boys want?
I have a Nope as well.
So Zah and TJ have them?
Yeah.
TJ.
Okay, get those Fortnite bucks.
TJ, look at this.
Can you set up the mouse trap?
TJ, you want a fucking stove?
Right for your spot in Chicago.
I honestly wanted those cookies.
I would take stove for projector. I need Sas to get those in Chicago. I honestly wanted those cookies. I would take stove for a projector.
I need Sas to get those drills back.
Right there.
I'm going to get my tools.
I don't have enough walls in my apartment for the projector.
Neither.
Oh, I could put one in my room, though.
That projector is sweet.
This mouse is ready to go.
I know.
I watched you buy it.
How are you going to get over all that stuff, mousey?
Oh, my God.
The mouse is...
Is there a mouse over there?
I feel like I just saw a mouse.
No.
Oh, no.
He's coming out.
What could that be?
He's a brave little thing.
It's a big mouse.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh, there he is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, he's shy.
Oh, that's...
I think that's just Big Cat.
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Don't do it.
Please don't do it.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Fuck it.
Do it.
It's a little mousey. The cheese. Ah. Ah. You know what fuck it do it
That's a good nope I do and now we have two more in there though that need to be used. TJ, shall we dance?
Why did I do that?
I'm so fucked up.
I can barely bend it.
I love this shit.
I have a thing.
If TJ doesn't take that, is he a fake gamer?
Can't the no-buy-dos say they want to keep their own gift?
No, you have to use it.
But no, if Roan tries to steal, or no, if they try to steal,
somebody tries to steal theirs, they can say no.
No, well, here's what they could do.
Zahn, TJ?
Yeah?
You guys both like your gifts?
Oh, yeah.
Couldn't you just no-buy-do each other?
Yes, the blazy Susan.
Zahn has the blazy fanny pack.
It would be a split steal.
We'd have to agree to it.
I don't want that.
No, I'm saying, TJ, follow me along.
Agreement.
You nope-eye-do Zah, he nope-eye-do's you.
But what if he doesn't nope-eye-do me back?
Oh, he could.
TJ, I have Fortnite bucks.
Zah, what do you want, really?
Yeah, what do you want, Zah?
I don't know.
This Roomba goes crazy. And I really want Sass's jacket what do you want, Zah? I don't know. This Roomba goes crazy.
TJ, do you play Fortnite?
And I really want Sass's jacket.
I play Fortnite.
Do you play Fortnite, TJ?
I do play Fortnite.
Because I feel like Fortnite bucks would be good for someone who plays Fortnite.
$100.
I don't know.
I'll be honest.
The one thing I want I shouldn't have and is off the board.
The cookies.
That's literally all I want.
I would get high and polish that entire fucking thing in one sitting.
You could get cookies anyway.
Well, you boys still have to play.
Nah, but KBs.
KBs.
It's a little different.
Thank you.
All right, I'm going to take the...
The Roomba's still out there, too, boys.
Yeah, Rowan, you're going to hate me for this, but I'm going to take that.
So I get the Blazy Susan and Sass's jacket?
Yes, sir. And the Big Dog shirt. That's a come up. That's a three-way come up. Nah, so I get the Blazy Susan and Sass's jacket? Yes, sir. And the Big Dog
shirt. That's a come up. That's a three-way
come up. You do not get the jacket.
I 100% do. Nope, you do not.
It was out there. What are you talking about? Yes, he does.
I gotta see the jacket on your own. I just used my nope, you do not.
I wanna see. Oh, you don't have a nope.
No, no, no, no. Go ahead and put that jacket on.
Alright, TJ, what are you doing?
You could get Sass's jacket.
TJ, please.
The jacket is not up for grabs.
TJ wants his trinkets.
There's some good trinkets in there.
The flashlights are cool.
I want the fucking stove.
TJ, I know you want a smokeless stove.
I want the stove.
The stove is sick.
TJ, take the stove and then...
Yeah.
Oh!
TJ, take the stove and then we'll no trade backs wait the Legos from
so from Che and so what would you get from Che what the fuck is change I'm
gonna give you the snow yeah he's not get on a flight I'm not flying home with a stove. In New York City. Yes, I do. You have the foot massage. No, we swapped.
I don't have it.
Wait, what if I...
Sass, would you trade the stove for your jacket back?
A hundred percent.
Legos!
Who has the Legos?
Oh, so Jay ends up with the trinkets.
I'll set all the nope-i-dos.
Yeah.
And we are done.
Well.
Uh-oh. We have to spin our wheel
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
What's our wheel?
Our wheel
The show's wheel
Oh yeah
And it will probably
Land on Mousetrap
Oh it's a shitty ass wheel
Oh shit
The wheel is in a bad spot
I wanted to land on Mousetrap so bad
My finger can't take anymore
Let's make a pledge
If it lands on Mousetrap, we all
Mousetrap. Deal. Deal.
What the fuck?
Except for one person
who gets to go to the Alanis Morissette concert.
Yes. I would lose a finger
for this show. No, no, no. Nick, you don't have to give that up.
But one person shouldn't have to do Mousetrap.
Yes, one person doesn't have to do Mousetrap. I'm very, very excited for
Alanis Morissette. Yeah, no. One person doesn't have to do Mousetrap.
Whoa. I did that. That was Pink Floyd-y.
Okay.
Wet would really suck.
That would.
Wet would be the worst.
Wet?
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Motherfucker.
Guys, good news.
If anyone gets wet, I have a jacket you can wear in there.
I should have saved my nope-I-do.
Oh, my God.
No, no.
This is worth it.
You want to go to see Atlantis on July 2nd in the orchestra pit?
What does that mean?
Right down front.
It's the eighth row.
I feel bad taking this from you No
It's a fucking
She brought it as a gift
Yeah it's a gift Todd
You think that I feel bad
Taking the Blazy Susan from Sass?
You're right it's the same thing
Okay
Well this is gonna suck for one of us
That's hilarious
I got the free gift
Hold up
I've never spent that much What a differential That's hilarious. I got the free gift. Hold on.
Like I had the $700 gift from Jay.
Oh, man.
You can take the stove.
I'm going on the same flight as you.
True.
This is like... You said first class.
They probably let you bring stoves up there.
All right, let's see who's getting wet.
You can roast marshmallows up in the front.
Who do we think it's going to be?
Chestnuts roasting
on an open fire.
Jack Frost nibbling
at your nose.
Tiny tots
with their hearts
all aglow.
Merry
Christmas.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
I've had a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
Kate should be on the wheel, and so should Nikki Smokes.
Yes.
God, I hope it's Smokes.
And her baby.
Her baby never made an appearance.
Her baby never came out.
Yeah, it just was brought up.
But Blazy Susan should be on there, too.
Definitely.
Trey.
Paige.
Paige.
Paige should be on there.
Paige wrapped all of our gifts for us.
Spider came in here right in the beginning.
Did he?
He brought in the biggest.
He didn't talk.
That was weeks ago.
Interesting.
All right. I like the size of this talk. That was weeks ago. Interesting. All right.
I like the size of this wheel.
Yeah, this wheel is...
None of us here are going to get it.
Elimination or...
Elimination.
It is interesting that Nicky Smokes has not called us to let us know that he fucked.
Oh, I'll call him right now.
He must really like her.
Yeah, call him.
Interesting.
He's probably so embarrassed that he fucked.
The Nicky Smokes I know would be fucking right now.
He's going to try to hide his hard dick from the camera.
Guys, I fucked up.
I don't want to have sex.
Promise me you won't be mad.
What's up, big cat?
Yo, player.
What's good?
You fuck?
Don't worry about it.
Where are you right now?
That's a no.
The crib.
Oh, shit.
Is she there?
Yeah, I'm not putting her on the yacht.
Okay, all right.
All right, respect, respect, respect.
All right, see you tomorrow, player.
Game, real respect, real.
Already at the crib.
It's only like 10.
He definitely started the date at the crib.
Yes.
Got hung up at work.
Whole bunch of bullshit.
I'm not trying to fuck her.
I'm not trying to fuck her, but I'm going to have a date at my crib.
We just come back to my place and chill.
I was in a box for a while.
Yeah.
I was in a tight place.
I've had a real tough day, babe.
I got smoked.
All right.
Spin this fucking shit
I think it might be me
nah dude you're fucked
I have a bad feeling it's gonna be you
I'm due for wet
there's no way it's gonna be Nick
oh let's go
literally impossible for it to be Nick
what are you doing you're mad at me
how would I be mad
no it definitely could be Nick Nick loses everything
there you go What are you doing? You're mad at me. How would I be mad? No, it definitely could be Nick. Nick loses everything.
There you go, Zah. Zah.
Boo.
Way to be, kid.
Way to be, kid.
Never gotten wet
Wow
Never will
Never will
Yeah it's me
Don't say that name
Jay gone
It's me
I'm fucked
I like my odds on the spin
Nicky Smokes can end up having shower sex
Yeah
We're just gonna call him and be like, no problem.
Never guess what my boss just told me.
We got to go get wet.
It's boss's orders, babe.
I said I'm going to lose my job if I don't.
All right, Kyle.
Kyle.
I got Kyle.
I'm just worried it's going to be so damn cold.
There you go, Sass.
There we go.
Are you guys here tomorrow?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
We've got to find a way to do this.
Forever.
I wish that would be the best Christmas present ever.
What if you popped out of a box?
Guys, me and Ron are going to tell you guys.
Don't play with our hearts.
Are you high-fiving me because you're happy?
Spin the wheel. Don't play with our hearts. Spin the wheel. Are you high-fiving me because you're happy? Spin the wheel.
Don't play with our hearts.
It hasn't gone close to me.
I'm on the same side.
I'm staying away from you.
I hope you don't get wexed.
We're about to play another night after this.
Oh, fuck.
Taking shoes.
It's me.
Oh, the shoes are coming off
Already?
I hope Nicky Smokes gets swept
He has to piss in front of his girl
Is that what they're doing?
We're home with the shoes off
How is
Power move
God damn it
Brandon
Thoughts? God damn it It's been me a lot lately It has And it's not God damn it Brandon It's been me a lot lately
And it's not
God damn it
Titus
Get Nicky Smokes back on the line
Hold on
Hey babe I gotta piss my pants right now
What if you hear the saw in the background
oh wow this might be fire
this might be fire do you think they do you think oh here we go, hey, you're on the wheel because you're on the yak in the box.
And it's come down to wet wheel, and it's you versus Titus.
All right, all right.
So if you lose, you have to.
If you get swept, you have to piss your pants.
If you lose, you have to hop in a shower.
Hold on.
Hold on.
How do I flip this?
How do I flip this?
Do the flip button.
Where the fuck is the flip button? Got them right, right? No this? Do the flip button. Where the fuck is the flip button?
Bottom right, right?
No, it's a new phone.
Where the fuck is the flip button?
Maybe double tap or something?
Is it share?
I think top right.
Got it.
All right.
You see it?
No, it's not rigged.
So it's first to four.
It doesn't have to get wet.
You're blue.
So if it lands on you four times, you're good.
All right, here we go.
One-nothing Titus.
There we go, Titus.
I was more concerned with the piss.
Yeah, he's got one, you have zero.
You want four. It's best the piss. Yeah. He's got one. You have zero. You want four.
It's best of seven.
Okay.
1-1.
No sweep.
No piss in the pants.
2-1, Titus. You're down 2-1, Titus.
2-1.
You're down 2-1.
Is your girl right next to you?
No, I just locked her out.
Oh!
It didn't quit it.
3-1.
There was never a girl, was there?
Is she real?
You guys are going to meet her tomorrow.
No, we're not.
I hope we can go. No, we're not.
I hope we can go.
Bring her to the party.
There's no.
Bring her to the party.
No.
Oh!
Go get wet.
Let's go.
Go walk in your shower right now, fully clothed.
On FaceTime?
Yes.
Hey, Kat, screen record.
All right.
Good call. Good call.
Good call.
He peeing on himself?
What?
Strong-ass water pressure.
No, you can't let it warm up.
He's got to get in fully clothed.
There he goes.
Let me get a towel.
Damn, Magnum condoms.
Wow.
All right, here I go.
Okay, here he goes.
Oh, yeah, he's doing it.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good.
What a legend
Look at him
What a guy
Yeah get wet
He's down for the cause
Good job Nicky
Alright boys
Alright see ya
Oh that was the best
Better him than any of us
You know
Yeah
He did
I screen recorded it
Yeah
He was very casual
About it Yeah he'll do anything I said There was never a girl Never a girl He did already. I screen recorded it, yeah. He was very casual about it.
Yeah, he'll do anything, I said.
There was never a girl.
Never a girl.
He was too casual about leaving.
Not a chance.
I locked her out.
Wasn't even close.
Right when he said, I'm not fucking, I was like, oh, she's not real.
He was not in a hurry to get out of that box.
She's real, he's fucking.
Yeah.
He can't not.
All right.
All right, Seth. All right, man. All right. See you, Seth. See you, dude. See you, man. See can't not. All right. All right, Sass.
All right, man.
All right.
See you, Sass.
See you, dude.
See you, man.
See you, bro.
He's a good kid.
Great guy.
Good kid.
What should we do with this jacket for real?
Should we have it on fire?
Should we have it on the solo stuff?
When he comes back in, it's just blazing.
Burning.
Can we turn that on?
I don't know.
Sass's. It's S that on? I don't know. Sass is...
It's sass is.
That was really fun. We gotta take a group picture.
Yes. Yeah. Let's take a group picture. Where'd sass go? Pee.
Peeing. Okay. This was so
much fun. That was a great time.
Sorry I got a little drunk.
Anyone who wants to... I told
Jersey Jerry that we would go
check in on him at Dairy After Dark.
He tweeted that he's going to fire Lucas.
Oh, my God.
This is him right now.
How does, I thought those were one size fits all.
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Is it Spanish?
It's so small.
Oh, my God. What is that? It's so small. I guess the few that were right in a row. I'm holding my own pop
Oh, we should go put a bow strap on there. Yes. Oh
Mousetrap oh my god! Oh my god!
Oh shit.
Oh this is so fucking good.
Go quiet, go quiet.
No, no, I think-
It'd be funny if you do it.
No, but like, you have to go talk and distract him.
No, no, no, you go just put it right in there.
Fuck!
I know this one too.
Put it on there, Mooch.
Make sure Ryan's-
Oh my god!
On board.
No, he's fine.
You won't tell?
No.
I noticed one.
I'm going to guess it wrong, but it's not a Mike and Ike.
This is incredible.
Oh, my God.
It's not a gumdrop.
You just got to see him just snap his finger.
I just don't know what the...
Gumballs?
He's guessing gumballs for dots?
I can't wait to see, boo.
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck, fuck.
Oh, no, he sees him coming.
Dots.
We got dots.
Got dots.
Get to roll.
Oh. No, wait. Oh, hold on he sees him coming. Dots. We got dots. Got dots. Get to roll.
Spin the wheel.
No, wait.
Oh, hold on, Mook.
You can go back.
Yeah, wait.
Wait.
What's he spinning?
That was a good snack. He's guessing foods.
I should have got that one right.
What's the wheel?
You have to fight a banana with the peel.
Oh, you got to wait for the next thing.
What am I missing?
What happened?
We're trying to put a mousetrap under Jerry.
Oh, okay.
Because he puts a blindfold on.
What's he doing?
What is Mook doing?
I don't know.
That was very...
Mook looks like someone has a sniper aimed at his head.
Is he holding the...
Oh, no.
Wait, can we get the sound back?
He has to eat a banana with the peel.
Yeah, Mook should just watch it there.
You want me to fuck with the chat?
Oh, give him Jerry.
Oh, no, Jerry!
Oh, Jerry.
How is that fucking... What the fuck is happening? Oh, get him, get him, Jer. Oh, no, Jerry! Oh, Jer. Oh, no.
How was that fucking with the chat? What the fuck is happening?
How was that?
Oh, my God.
What is he doing?
Oh, my God.
What the fuck was that?
How was that fucking with the chat?
Got him.
You're watching something gay.
Oh, Jer.
He's still going.
He's still.
Jer.
Jer.
Jer, quit, Jer. Don't get us banned. Don't get us banned. All right. Jerry, stop. Jerry. Jerry, quit, Jerry.
Don't get us banned.
Don't get us banned.
All right.
Don't get us banned?
Who's he talking to?
Can I rip this piece off of you guys?
All right, no, no.
Relax, relax.
I'm going to eat this.
I can't believe you guys got me banned.
I don't trust him.
What is Mook doing?
He's waiting.
He's supposed to put a mousetrap.
He's waiting for him to put a blindfold on.
Chat like that. It's a rainbow in the chat. What is mook doing? He's waiting to put a mousetrap away from put a blindfold on chat like
That's funny date, but they gay JJ. Oh, there's 12,000 people watch project. Oh, yeah, I mean look at that
That's fucking gross.
I think Will Levis eats his bananas like that.
YouTube said stop.
YouTube said stop.
I would watch this.
I could see why this popped up. People watching this.
Oh, they're so much fun.
Is he wearing a shock collar?
Looks like it yeah
Like this is gonna be part of the
Oh, I thought I thought you I thought YouTube reached out
Already Jerry Jerry Jerry what just talk about what you're doing on the stream right
now oh okay so if you're just joining the stream blind snack challenge what time does it start
i don't know how many minutes so far anyway we're doing 50 of them 40 snacks 10 soft drinks
um or 10 drinks in general whatever uh. Multiple challenges on the wheel.
We already had 10 punishments so far.
There's two more punishments left.
I think one of them is a shock collar.
It's on your neck.
Yeah, I mean, it's pretty simple.
It's pretty straightforward.
If you're just joining, you have to subscribe. No, no, no, no, no.
Listen, you just have to subscribe.
It's that simple.
Just subscribe, get over with, like the stream.
We have to get more resources for this show.
We have to be able to blow this show up.
We're doing a good job.
We're getting a lot of subscribers.
We're not getting as many likes.
We need to push this up.
Subscribe, like, comment, share
All that stuff
Go follow me if you're not following me
On social media
Go follow Jerry After Dark
On all social media platforms
Twitter, TikTok
All that type of stuff
This is going to be great
The banana sucked but it wasn't terrible
You know what I mean? It was alright.
Ha ha ha!
Go, Lucas.
No, you gotta wait for it to put the table out.
Wait, show us the other... yeah.
Oh my god.
How many people watching, Lucas?
Uh, 12,000.
Let's go! Come on!
Get out of the way, movie. Good? 12,000. Let's go! Come on! Get out of the way and move.
Good?
Oh, fuck.
Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Yes!
Oh my god!
Oh, I got moot!
Oh my god!
I got moot!
Holy shit!
I got moot!
I'm crying! Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Holy shit!
Come on, Lucas, dude!
Come on, Lucas, dude!
You shocked me after that fucking shit!
You shocked me after that fucking shit!
He shocked him.
Kill-shocking him.
That was...
Play it again.
I want to watch it again.
His finger went directly onto it.
That's so good.
That's so good.
That goes as a win, by the way.
Oh, my God.
That was so fucking...
That couldn't have been more perfect.
Oh, my God.
They can't even see what I'm putting there I wanna watch it again! I wanna watch it again! That's so perfect!
Holy shit!
AHHHHH!
Holy fuck!
Stop!
Dude, that
happening out of the blue must be
fucking insane. That'd be horrifying.
He was thinking he was gonna feel Fritos.
Torture, dude.
I got mooched! Oh my god. He was gonna feel free to torture
It was right I can't believe how well that worked. I want to watch it again. I need to watch it again. One more time. One more time.
I didn't even realize that happened.
I had no idea you got shocked.
What the fuck is this?
Why is he getting shocked?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Holy fuck.
I'm gonna cry.
I felt like I was on an FBI mission right there.
That was amazing.
That was unbelievable.
He saw me with, I had the mousetrap in my hand too.
Right when he took his blindfold off.
Oh, that was so perfect.
Holy shit. I gotta watch so let's
watch this I want to watch this mousetrap and then I got it I got it how did I I missed that
completely he starts flailing such a funny fucking like 30 seconds Luke you put it how
many people watching Lucas Ryan's an OG, dude. He was for the cause.
Good? Good?
I'm going to fuck!
Fuck!
The shock.
I'm going to see the shock.
Yeah.
You hear the beep.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, I got moot.
Not the first guy to say that.
I got moot.
Oh, fuck.
Get the fucking shit out of me. Come on, Lucas. Oh! AHH! AHH! Can we see the shot?
I gotta see the shot one more time.
Get this fucking shit off me.
The whole thing one more time, please.
I got mooked.
I got mooked.
I got mooked.
You hear the beep?
So delayed.
Here, let's go to the shot.
He's so happy. You hear the beat? So delayed. Here, let's go to the shock.
He's so happy. So happy.
Oh, I got mooked!
I got mooked! I got moot.
I got moot.
Oh, fuck.
Get this fucking shit off.
Oh, fuck.
Come on, Lucas, dude.
Oh, man, what a show.
Oh, fuck.
All right, well, thank you to everyone. Yeah. We. All right. Well, thank you to everyone.
Yeah.
We love you all.
Well, let's all go.
Let's take a picture.
Let's go all wish Jerry a Merry Christmas.
That was fucking awesome.
Thank you, everyone.
Please subscribe.
We love you all. Ronan Sass.
We love you guys.
Thank you for having us.
Love you guys.
Merry Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
May your days beases be white.
Amen. Thank you. It's the act.
It's the act.
Get your straws, yeah, silence, hey, for a while.
It's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop.
We're doing Yankees love.
It's the act. It's the act It's the act
Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year, guys.
We love you.
We'll see you on January 2nd.
Love you guys.
Love you guys.
Love you guys.