The Yak - The Barstool Armies Unite Amidst #BernsteinGate | The Yak 9-10-24
Episode Date: September 10, 2024Brandon and KB have bladder problemsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barst...oolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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It's the Yak.
Hello, it's the Yak.
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We have two very special guests here.
The Live Boys from Team Smash.
Brooks Koepka and Taylor Gooch in studio. They're going to do
the gauntlet.
Gooch.
You're bad at
putting the mic in front of your face.
First time, baby.
Welcome, boys.
Thank you. Welcome to the app.
Are you guys nervous about the gauntlet?
No, I think I'll
be alright. I'm worried about I just don't want to trip.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You did sign the waiver.
I signed the waiver.
Now we don't care if you trip.
Yeah, now I'm good.
Yeah.
Which one are you most nervous about?
That football looks weird.
I think the football one.
Yeah.
The football looks weird.
You got to throw it at an angle.
Yeah.
Left angle.
Yeah, hit one of the –
I saw you over there doing – I'm like, that looks weird.
Yeah.
Patrick Mahomes over here.
Yeah, but you got some, I mean, there's a lot of names on this list.
I know.
Yep.
Just don't want to finish last.
And we're going to reference your guys' names forever.
Forever.
Like whenever other people go, we're going to be like, oh, you beat or you lost.
Exactly.
That's all I'm saying.
Just don't want to be the worst.
Yeah, you are the first golfers.
Yeah.
So whoever wins will be the leader in the golf community.
Yes.
We had an 11-year-old boy go last week.
Yeah.
That might be the fault.
That's the benchmark.
Big justice.
Yeah, I don't know if you've seen him.
Boom.
Those guys.
Yeah.
Boom or doom.
Okay, so two minutes, 48 seconds.
You might have had a little help from Malasek,
who is our goalie, who's a real piece of shit.
He's going to try to stop everything.
So that part is going to be a problem. It's going right down the middle yeah all right so who wants to go
first okay I'll go lead the way all right oh okay do it like it all right let's get right into it
by the way we will have Eddie on in a minute to talk about oh I don't know what's going on with
that we have an entire world war three going on online. The riders have been activated. Oh, my God.
Yes.
Also, I found out last night, which we can talk about later,
that we were talking about George Patton yesterday.
Turns out he might have been killed by the CIA.
Oh.
Yeah, kind of crazy.
That would make more sense.
Kind of crazy.
Bumping his head on the glass.
Yeah, kind of crazy and complaining.
He got conked on the head.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Kind of nuts
went down a rabbit hole our goalie is what'd you say oh yeah don't pick up a bag don't pick up a
bag the goalie is asexual so there's nothing you could do to distract him yeah you are his type
if he had one if he had if he was into a gender yeah and that's a big if. Malsex actually sent me, and we won't show it,
but some asexual people have reached out to me.
I'll read it out loud.
Yeah, being like, hey, we got your back.
They're welcoming him in.
Yeah, and being like, don't let them get you down.
Do they have a flag?
I don't know.
They should.
It's beige.
It's a beige.
It's a khaki flag.
Do they feel oppressed in any way?
I don't know.
They're chilling. They're probably chilling, yeah. They're living an easy life? I don't know. They're chilling.
They're probably chilling, yeah.
They have an easy life.
It's a little flashy.
Where is it hanging in the sky?
I don't know.
Grand Rapids.
That's Grand Rapids.
Okay. Good for them.
Alright, you ready?
Alright, here we go. Brandon, where are you?
Let me take a picture.
Hold on.
All right, Brooks, this is big.
All right, here we go.
Ready?
Three, two, one, go.
Oh, wow.
Hole in one.
Hole in one.
I get it, Kate.
Thank you.
That was not a bad kick. I get it. Oh, he scored off the rebound. All in one. I get it, Kate. Thank you. That was not a bad kick.
I get it.
Oh, he scored off the rebound.
It was off Malice.
Oh, my God.
Play to win.
The good thing with Brooks is he's not smart.
Uh-oh.
Oh, that's a good thing.
Yeah.
That is a good thing.
For my record, yeah.
Oh, with trivia?
Yeah, yeah.
Is that true?
Is he not smart?
No.
Would you say, Gooch, he's not a world-renowned smart person?
He is a golfer. Not many of us are smart.
Skeens was a thinker.
By the way, he would tell you he's not very smart.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Get him some balls.
Oh, man.
There it is.
Did that not go in?
No.
There it is.
There it is.
There you go.
It's the angle.
It is.
Yep.
All right, they were practicing some shots.
Oh.
I am down.
It's not a bad follow through.
Yeah.
The hop is a little weird.
They're getting worse.
That's a stamina issue.
There it is.
There you go.
How do you think he's going to do on the trivia part?
You know, he's just dumb enough to maybe do okay.
Right here, right here.
Sit down, sit down.
All right, let's see.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Trivia.
11 NHL teams have yellow or gold as a team color.
That one feels like you could get.
Four countries to have won gold in men's basketball.
USA. USA.
Spain.
No. Species of bears.
All the different kinds of bears.
Black bear. Polar bear.
There you go. Wow.
Oh, that's huge. Three largest cities in Italy.
Ooh, Italy.
I'm trying to think.
Italy, Italy.
Yep.
Venice. Yep. Italy Italy yep Venice yep
you got some NHL teams
yellow and gold
Vegas Penguins
there it is
why am I breathing so hard
definitely out of shape
let's see
yellow and gold.
Wow.
I'm going to get whooped.
Shortest president.
Think of another.
Nine biggest university endowments in the U.S.
Just think of like really fancy universities.
Fanta soda flavors.
Rich ass schools.
Think of Ivy League rich ass schools.
Think of Ivy League.
Brown, Penn.
There we go
that's going to be a double
more Ivy
why am I answering all of them just focus on one
oh there you go you got it
253
that was pretty damn good
I think I lost to an 11 year old kid
oh he might have
but that's big justice he's not just an 11 year old kid
yeah he's a power hitter that's true okay. He's not just an 11-year-old kid. Yeah, he's a power hitter.
Okay, that was a good time. Let's see who you go up against.
That was a good time.
Okay.
Beat that Brandon time.
Respectable.
No, that was a very respectable time.
That's the time that will put you in like, yeah.
You lost to Brandon Marshall, but that's okay.
He played in the league.
Let's scroll down.
Scroll down.
All right.
Let's see.
Jack Golke.
There we go.
Torkelson.
Greg Olson.
Greg Olson.
Julian Edelman.
Okay.
Little Sasquatch.
Gunnar Henderson. what's julian edelman okay little sasquatch um gunner henderson he's fucking unbelievable baseball player yeah will compton i'll take
that yeah and i think you got uh cam newton by a lot pat bev yep yeah forgot definitely
respectable this is good yeah cam new Cam Newton. You killed Cam Newton.
All right.
Gooch, you ready?
I'm ready.
We have another guy named Gooch here, by the way.
I thought I was the only Gooch.
No.
Why is he named Gooch?
Kyle made a fake Barstool intern named Barstool Gooch.
Got it. And then that guy was an intern, and he decided to run that account,
and then he got hired full-time, and that name stuck with him.
Got it.
So it's Kyle's fault.
Yeah.
He's a bona fide gooch.
Born and bred.
Born a gooch.
That's way different.
Yeah.
Hey, Brooks, remember when you did that photo shoot
where you lost all that weight and it was kind of weird?
Yes.
Yes, thanks for reminding me.
What was that?
Oh, we can pull it up.
We don't have to, but I'm pretty sure we will now.
We had to answer a lot of questions for that.
Yes, yes.
Kind of put us in the hot spot.
Yeah, that was back in the day.
Now I'm just trying to look like you might work out a little bit,
but, you know, you have fun.
You looked hot.
All right, ready?
Ready?
All right, here we go three two one go nailed that
cornhole brooks i felt confident that was the one i knew oh this is it's over it's completely over
oh no gooch that's a tough luck. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
There it is.
All right, Malice.
That was a slice. I did it, Kate. Thank you. I gotk. Ooh. That was a slice.
I'll get it, okay? Thank you.
I got that.
Okay.
Malicek!
Oh, oh.
Oh!
It's a real dick!
Unreal.
There he is. Oh.
Can of corn.
Oh.
Oh.
Swung out of his shoes.
Oh, no.
No strikeout.
No strikeout.
Come on.
Don't strike out, Cooch.
There it is. All right.
Pick up some time here. Oh. Wow. No strikeout. Come on. Don't strike out, Gooch. There it is. All right. Pick up some time here.
Oh, wow.
Pick up a lot of time.
That was huge.
Is Gooch smart, Brooks?
Brooks, would you be offended if I said while you were out there on the court that you're
not like a world-renowned smart person?
No.
Okay.
Truth hurts.
Yeah.
Well, no.
I said, I mean, I'm not smart either.
Oh, shit. Wow. I'm not smart either. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Okay. Truth hurts. Yeah. Well, no, I said, I mean, I'm not 40. Oh, shit.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
This is huge.
Yeah, sit right here.
Sit right here.
12 summer Olympic sports involving water.
Ooh, that's...
Water polo.
Nice.
Butterfly.
Yeah.
Backstroke.
That might just be swimming.
It might just be under one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Red wine.
Are you a red wine guy?
Most popular types of red wine?
Cabernet.
Sauvignon.
Oh, TJ.
Oh, man.
Where is the Taj Mahal?
What country?
India.
Yeah.
The Tower of Pisa.
Five countries to border Spain?
Is it Gibraltar? Oh, you went the hard one there. Five countries to border Spain?
Gibraltar.
Oh, you went the hard one there.
Yeah.
There's got to be easier ones.
You have four others.
Portugal.
There you go.
Where's the Leaning Tower of Pisa country?
Italy.
Italian cars. Ferrari. Italy. Yeah. Italian cars.
Ferrari.
Yep.
Homer Simpson's kids.
Is Fiat?
Oh, yeah.
Do you know Homer Simpson's kids?
Nope.
Okay.
Nothing about Simpsons.
Okay.
King of the Hill guy.
Two color of penalty cards in soccer.
Red and... Bang.
No, done.
Wow.
52.
52.
There we go.
What was your time, Brooks?
I think it was 248.
Is that where it was?
I don't know. I can't remember.
I think it's close. I think it's close.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
That football was incredible.
I got to say that throw.
Yeah, side. Yeah. Wow. Pat Mahomes, okay. What are the say that throw helped. Yeah, side, yeah.
Wow.
Pat Mahomes, okay.
What are the odds that they would finish?
Yeah, that's brutal, Brooks.
I hate that for us.
That's a tough loss.
I hate that for us.
I hate that for us.
Shit.
Yeah.
Five majors, born loser.
Wait, do you have five?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Five majors.
That's pretty damn cool.
How many people have five majors in the world?
Nine.
Nine?
I don't know.
I think there's like 18.
Active?
Active?
Active, probably just Tiger and Phil.
Yeah. What do you do with the
technically active yeah where do the trophies go uh they're sitting at my house um
in the little tv room i'm sure it's not a little tv room
it's uh it's actually sweet we just watched watched. We spent all Saturday and Sunday in there.
It's like one of those big screen TVs.
I'm not that poor.
Like Jumbotron.
Yeah, yeah.
I haven't feed by eight.
You can split them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
Those are awesome.
All right.
15 people all time.
Okay.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
So yeah, born loser.
Born.
What is something that only 15 people have ever done?
Baby Blake's in trouble man yeah and then next one
you'll be at 12 yeah we're getting there yeah fuck you too bad um all right well thank you
boys for stopping by appreciate you doing the gauntlet uh we'll see you thursday yeah we're
doing some golf stuff thursday oh yeah i'm out on thursday sorry guys it's okay we're gonna do
that you hadn't told us previously, though, but that's fine.
I'm telling you to be honest.
Breaking news right there.
Yeah, breaking news.
All right.
Thanks, boys.
Yeah.
Let's see you.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah, good to meet you.
Appreciate it.
Brandon, you want to do game time?
And TJ, why don't you hit it?
I'll walk them out.
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Finish this ad, Nick.
Yeah, sure thing.
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Game Time Picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats
so you don't have to waste time
searching through thousands of tickets.
I was looking at tickets for the AZ Cubs.
Guess how much the deals start at, Kyle?
$40.
$7.
Oh, my God.
Just pull up to your chosen event on the GTPix setting on the top of your screen.
Go to AZitCubs.
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That's nothing.
Download the GameTime app today.
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What time is it, everybody?
GameTime.
GameTime.
Good huggers.
Oh, yeah?
I've hugged a lot of people since we started that wheel.
Yeah, I never have. I've hugged on you a lot i loved i loved to hug i just had to hug a boy that's the only one that's ever land on me but you got big justice i got big justice
and like i tried to do the one arm and he pulled me in man yeah these two were good huggers they
are good huggers yeah i don't spend a lot of time around professional golfers. I do. They were like very normal dudes.
Yeah.
I don't know why in my mind they're like real uptight.
Like uptight.
You thought they'd be fucking assholes?
Yeah, a little bit.
I feel like a lot of them are like that.
They might be.
They might be deep down.
I thought there was going to be a lot more hair gel.
Okay, did you not know they were there?
No.
Is golf the activity done by the most men?
Sports or any activity?
Jerk golf. Number one hobby?
Yeah, you know, like recreational.
Recreational activity?
Yeah.
I mean, there's golf courses everywhere.
I'm not thinking of this golf.
Or is it grilling?
No, golfers have the best job in the world.
The best competitive thing.
Well, they do the thing that everyone wants to retire and do.
More men do golf than any other competitor.
Any second of free time.
And it's got to be so awesome.
If you're a professional basketball player,
you're never going to find yourself playing pick-up hoops
with a Joe Schmo.
If you're a golfer, like.
Well, Embiid does that.
Embiid does that.
But like if you're a golfer, you can go play someone and just kill them and be like, hey, this is what's up.
Do they do that?
I think so.
Yeah.
I think like they all have home courses and they'll play with like members.
Yeah.
Relatively normal friends.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have the mental fortitude to do it no if i was like brooks and he's gone right yeah i don't want to
put this in his head no and i like won a major i'd be like well now i'm i figured it out right
and then the next tournament i don't win i'd be like why the fuck did i not win right and there's
not always a reason that would haunt me yeah it's just like yeah
why the fuck did i miss the cut i thought last week we figured out the swing why did that shot
not go where why did the show yeah if you want a major would you just stop practicing probably
yeah probably i'd be like i figured it out i climbed the mountaintop i'm done now if i if i
won the masters yeah because then you get to go every year yeah no matter what that's true yeah
you get the exemption just show up fuck around what. That's true, yeah. You get the exemption, just show up, fuck around.
Is it kind of a curse, though, because if your boys who aren't pro golfers want to go golfing,
are they going to dislike going with you?
Well, that's the handicap system.
I think they're going to love going with you because of the treatments you'll probably get, right?
I think it's a curse in the fact that everyone probably asks you for tips.
And you're like, we're not playing the same sport.
This is not...
My tip is not going to help.
I can't tell you a sentence that will make you...
Right.
But it's the only sport that has that.
Like, imagine going up to Paul Skeens and being like,
hey, dude, I'm really trying to get my slider to go, like, 89.
Can you help me real quick with my grip?
Yeah, that's kind of sad though.
If I wanted to perfect a slider, that would be considered
weird. Yeah, it would.
Kyle, you should.
I want to perfect a slider or a
knuckleball. Okay. Or maybe
a combination of the two. A knuckle slider?
You should perfect something from every
sport. Just become a real good knuckleballer.
Yeah. Has anyone throwing out the
first pitch ever hit like a crazy knuckleball sliderball i bet somebody has yeah that was right down like a
lot of movement and or no movement yeah i'm gonna work on a slider you should get one thing from
every sport get a slider get like a sick wrist shot i'm guessing that's hockey yeah be a good
own side kicker get an awesome euro step yeah basketball don't even like that's a good own side kicker. Get an awesome Euro step in basketball. Don't even learn anything else.
That's a good series idea, not for me, but for somebody.
What's the easiest thing to perfect?
You want to quickly say not perfect.
I want someone to do that.
We already sold it, Kyle.
You got to do it, man.
What's the easiest what?
What's the easiest thing to perfect in every sport?
What's the easiest thing to perfect in golf?? What's the easiest thing to perfect in golf?
You can't perfect anything in golf.
Yeah, putting, honestly.
But it's also the hardest.
It's got to be the hardest.
But that's the best shot you have.
Yeah, because you could golf forever.
You're never going to hit it 350 or whatever.
Straight.
Brandon, you think you do?
I didn't say anything. You do have a sick drive. I hit it a long way. That's you think you do? I didn't say anything.
You do have a sick drive.
I hit it a long way. That's all I can do.
It's my only skill.
Y'all didn't ask me to come show Brooks either.
In the PGA,
you're eating again.
Is there a size correlation to driving?
No. Rory drives at the park.
What is it?
It's like torque.
Genetics?
Hipf flexion.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Rory's in really good shape, though, isn't he?
Yeah, he's in really good shape, but he's not the biggest guy.
Like, you would think Jon Rahm would be always outdriving Rory.
Well, Bryson's thick, and he outdrives everybody.
He's a thick boy.
Who's, like, the tiniest home run hitter?
Jose Altuve?
Yeah, Jose Altuve.
He's pound for pound better than Max.
The kid in Shea's neighborhood? The five Yeah, Jose Altuve. He's pound for pound better than Max. The kid in Che's neighborhood?
The five-year-old, yeah.
But that's it.
A flop shot would be sick to perfect.
A flop shot would be sick.
Yes.
You're like 40 yards out, and you can just always straight up,
straight down, stick it.
I've always wanted to perfect one thing of anything, though.
I don't want to learn how to play the piano.
I want to learn how to play one song very well. Perfectly.
And just perfect that.
But would that scratch the itch enough? Wouldn't you
like start liking it? Maybe but I
just think you could just you know that you've got a hit
you sit down and you do it and you've perfected one
thing. Yeah but once you play
it for us you're done.
I guess maybe. Like god damn it Brandon's playing
Super Mario's theme again.
It wouldn't be impressive.
That's exactly what I would play.
That's what he would do with Super Mario.
But if Kyle does one great flop shot.
You went to the second level?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you went to the first.
Yo.
My bad.
It's all right.
Sometimes he puts the.
Sometimes he kicks my mic.
Sometimes my foot is underneath of the leg and I don't know it.
He kicks my mic into my chest.
Is piano the one skill that like, I feel like is it?
Sorry.
No one talks about it.
Everyone talks about guitar.
Yeah.
But any time someone sits at a piano and plays a song, I'm always.
They were on the room.
So loud.
Yeah.
Pure class.
It's class.
Not a try hard move.
No.
Guitar can be a try hard move.
Yeah.
But piano is just always like, holy shit.
Yeah. But it also is
Because where
Like where is there
A public piano
Hotel lobby
Hotel lobby
Restaurant
That's kind of
That's try hard though
A lot of people
Have them in their houses
And like yeah
Nobody knows how to play
Yeah
You sit down
I am
And in D
You have a piano
Yeah
You have a piano
Yeah
My kids are trying to learn it
And they suck at it.
Oh, yeah.
So bad.
Trying to instill something.
I never fell out of the piano trap.
Should we all get an instrument to learn over the winter?
No.
Dibs on clarinet.
Well, we'll spin a wheel.
Why would you take dibs on clarinet?
It feels easy.
It's like recorder.
Oh, dibs on recorder.
I want Titus to learn how to play saxophone.
That'll be so fucking sexy. Oh, my God. It's like recorder. Oh, dibs on recorder. I want Titus to learn how to play saxophone. That'll be so fucking sexy.
Oh, my God.
That would be awesome.
I would love that.
What is this?
Buffalo chicken.
Oh, hell yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
I'll be out of commission for a few minutes.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
The last time I ate wings, it was bad.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you remember. I've already had. You already gave me a habit. Well, I ate wings, it was bad. Thank you. Yeah. Really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you remember.
I've already had.
You already gave me a half.
Well, I mean, I will have one.
I haven't tried this previously.
You had a whole sandwich.
You didn't give me a whole sandwich earlier, so I will try it.
Do you have Chick-fil-A, too?
I didn't eat the Chick-fil-A.
Where is it?
It's in our studio.
Oh.
It's in the Mostly studio
Warming up in your car
Oh
Can somebody explain to me what's going on with Eddie?
Yeah, we got Eddie, he's gonna come down
I'm gonna text him right now
I've not really been online today
Oh
What are you doing, Brando?
Oh
Betty booping on us Oh. Oh. What are you doing, Brando?
Betty booping on us.
Say it.
Give yourself a pass. No, he's got chicken throat.
Oh, man.
Kelly just put the Swifties on this guy, too.
All right, so quick backstory.
Dan Bernstein's a radio host here in Chicago.
6'7", he's been around forever.
He had a very popular drive time show,
Bores and Bernstein, for a very long time.
He now does Middays.
He used to be, I mean, he's obviously, he was talented.
He became just kind of like a curmudgeon,
woke, like brain broken guy.
Olbermann.
Kind of like Olbermanngeon woke like brain broken guy olbermann kind of like olbermann always hated barstool uh and then eddie which is weird because so i i've been doing my waddle and
sylvie hit which is the other competing radio station for i don't know seven or eight years
i love those guys i'm loyal to those guys i know people at 670 to score. The people I know there are good people,
but this guy has always hated us.
Yeah.
Hated us.
He's just a loser.
And Eddie went and guest hosted the Spiegel show,
which Matt Spiegel's a good guy too,
and Eddie likes him. And they had a five-minute crosstalk
between the 12-2 show and the 2-6 show.
And Eddie called Dan Bernstein by his last name,
which, again, that's the name of his show.
The name of his show is Bernstein and Holmes.
The name of his previous shows was Bores and Bernstein.
That's his name.
Sure is.
Eddie called him his name.
He got very upset. Can you play the clip? What?
It's wild. Especially after
you had the ghost pepper.
Is the horoscope guy Bernstein? No.
Oh, God, no. I didn't
know. No.
You can call me Dan or you can call
me Bernzy, but you don't know me like that.
You don't know me like that?
Wait, wait. You can call him Burnsy?
Yeah, that would have been way more offensive.
Very personal, the nickname.
Eddie, this is now World War III.
The Riders have been unleashed.
I saw that.
Everyone's fucking getting after them.
Kelly has just unleashed the Swifties.
No.
Oh, I forgot about this part, which is the best part.
Bernstein, I gave a little backstory to Bernstein
before you got here.
Bernstein used to be, like,
everything he thinks Barstool is,
he used to be that.
So he has a lot of, like, old tweets
that are, like, Dave found one where he's, like,
women's basketball is not a real sport.
Shit like that.
He got suspended a few years ago
because he was talking about a sideline reporter's tits.
So he has all these things yeah he he has all these things and he still judges and it's yeah there
should be a word for people like that uh yeah hypocrites oh and he is a massive hypocrite yeah
and uh yeah eddie i don't even so did you send chuck for the hit because chuck no no no and we
keep playing it like how did you play that off did you send Chuck for the hit? No, no, no, no. Can we keep playing it?
Like, how did you play that off?
Did you?
Wait, so you ask him about horoscopes.
Correct.
And then it seems like it cuts.
So I was doing the two to six show.
He was doing the 10 to two.
We weren't in the same studio.
I was on a remote, so I couldn't see him.
So I had no idea, like, his facial expressions or anything like that.
But knowing that he hates Barstool and knowing that he didn't acknowledge me in the whole transition, I was like, I'm just going to ask him a question, see how it goes.
So I just lobbed that, you know, because they were talking about ASMR or some shit.
And then when he said, you can call me Dan or Bernsie, I was like, all right, I'm pretty sure he's mad, but I can't see him to confirm, you know.
I just came in.
All right, got it.
Got it, guy.
You know, whatever.
But yeah, that was that was all it was.
Like, clearly, anything I would have said, he would have jumped on me for it because
he doesn't like Barstool.
Right.
Got it.
That's just it.
This is the funniest part.
This is Harry from Barstool.
We'll come back.
I want to kick from Barstool.
We'll come back.
I want to kick.
What?
See that?
Look at his face.
What a fucking loser.
Insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, that's just his last name What a fucking loser. Insane.
That's just his last name.
Oh, man.
Well, that's what's funny, too,
because I didn't fully know,
and then Stooley ran to the sporting goods shop we were at,
and he showed me that clip.
I was like, oh, he confirmed it was Matt.
Yeah.
Yeah, when you showed me that clip last night,
I was like, that's just his last name.
I had to watch it like 10 times.
I was like, am I missing something?
Did Eddie say something here?
Did he do something?
Did you pronounce it wrong?
Like is it Berenstein?
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, medalla effect.
Yeah.
Let's see what Dave says.
All right, real quick rant.
I needed people to see this.
I'm talking about on Twitter.
I need it on Instagram.
I haven't been this fired up.
I haven't wanted to put a name on a champagne
bottle in years. It's like, you know, I'm just kind of relaxing on a pile of money doing my thing.
Well, that changed today. It's not my fight. Eddie Barstool, one of the nicest guys we got
at Barstool, is a genuine, nobody ever says anything mean about Eddie. Not a mean bone in his body.
He's on local Chicago sports talk radio.
That's him doing them a favor.
When our guys go on local sports talk radio, we're doing you a favor.
They're relics of the past. So they got this guy, I guess, Dan Bernstein.
From what I've gotten, he used to be normal.
Then his brain broke.
Now he's like a woke lunatic.
I'd never heard of his ass, obviously.
Why would I?
Chicago Sports Radio.
But I guess he's been on the air there forever.
And it's pretty well hated.
So Eddie Barstool's doing them a favor.
Doing 670 a favor.
He's on some show.
And they're talking about the Bears or something.
And I'll show the clip right after this.
Eddie calls him.
He's like, hey, Bernstein.
Talking to him. The guy's name is dan bernstein the name of the show is like bernstein and holmes this guy
bernstein this piece of shit who i guess has always hated barstool is like you don't have the right
you don't know me to call me bernstein uh buddy it's your fucking name. Your last name's Bernstein. Acting like Eddie insulted him or some shit.
And then there's this little clip after it airs, and his host is like, what did he call you?
He probably thought he was going to answer like a cracker or something.
I don't know, like some slur.
He's like, he called me Bernstein.
That's your fucking name.
And you know what else you just did?
You created an enemy for life.
For life.
I don't even care if Eddie was insulted.
I'm fucking insulted.
So now, stoolies,
you have my permission. Here's where people are like,
Dave, you shouldn't do this. You're too big.
On a professional level,
professional,
you can harass the fuck
out of this guy for his dying breath
he deserves wherever he does a live
feed on the radio
people calling harassing
calling him Bernstein
pranking him he's out doing a live show
harass him prank him
calling Bernstein he shouldn't
be able to sleep professionally
speaking the rest of his life.
Fuck this guy.
He's good at that.
Yeah.
Got me fired up.
But, Dan, I wasn't surprised.
No, I wasn't surprised whatsoever.
Listen, like I said, I know some people at the score that I like,
but they've asked me to come on, I don't know,
a bunch of times in the last decade,
and I've always said no because I was like,
I know that those guys hate Barstool,
and I'm not going to go on a station that hates us.
And they're the ones who employ Julie DeCaro,
who is a famous enemy of ours.
It wasn't surprising at all.
It was surprising in the fact that it was that that got him mad.
Yeah.
Like, if you had gone on and he had been like, you had asked him a question, he's like, I don't like Barstool.
Like, oh, okay, I saw that coming.
But to be like, don't call me Bernstein?
Crazy.
Call me my nickname.
Crazy.
You don't know me like that.
Call me by what my friends call me.
Was that his first time interacting with a Chicago Barstool guy?
Yeah, I think so.
That was boiling up for years.
He had to get it out waiting for anything.
For the record, the show you were on,
we like Matt Spiegel, Shane, their producer.
That's the thing.
Don't go after the other guys on the score.
It's Bernstein. He's the one who hates us.
That's it. They've always been good to us.
Those guys. I don't know. Mitch Rosen's been a friend for a long time. They're not, but it's's the one who hates us. That's it. Exactly. They've always been good to us, those guys. So I don't know.
Mitch Rosen's been a friend for a long time.
Like, they're not.
But it's him.
He just hates us.
Like, we've been G-chatting for 11 years now.
Yeah, about him.
Since I've known you.
Since 2013.
He does.
He's been taking pot shots at us forever.
So this was not surprising.
But he's, like, the fact that he made it that easy for us,
that's the thing that's shocking.
Like, he can't be that stupid where he basically put it on a tee for us.
How about Dave, though?
That was like a fucking, some little match.
Yeah.
That was awesome.
Well, he's just sitting around ready for a fight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He doesn't have enemies anymore.
Yeah, that's true.
Can I see the what did he call you clip one more time?
That's so funny.
He, like, says it with a little face.
With his shoulders.
And Holmes on 670, the score.
It's Speaks and Eddie from Barstool.
We'll come back.
I want to kick from Barstool.
We'll come back.
I want to kick.
I mean, it was so ridiculous that their producer pulled the audio
and we played it at the end.
And we were all laughing and making fun of him calling him Bernstein.
So it's crazy.
What was his options?
Dan? Or Bernstein. If Eddie had called him Bernstein. So it's crazy. What was his options? Dan?
Or Bernzy.
If Eddie had called him Bernzy.
That's way more disrespectful.
And he had said, you don't know me like that?
I'd have been like, Eddie, yeah, that was too far.
There's no...
No.
That's not too far either.
But even still calling him Bernzy would have been like,
Eddie, what are you doing?
That's weird.
You literally called him the name of his show.
Yeah, I know.
The name of his show. i know the name of his show
i just haven't called me catsy like who cares who fucking cares yeah it's crazy it's wild
the name of his show his co-host has to be like oh god damn it oh my god that's gotta suck i don't
know how many callers they take well no no his co-host hates us too oh he does okay never Lawrence
Holmes definitely disregards yeah yeah he definitely hates us too. Oh, he does? Okay, never mind. Lawrence Holmes definitely hates us.
Disregards.
Yeah, yeah.
He definitely hates us as well.
He's never, as far as I know, has never taken pot shots, but he hates us.
It's the guys on the morning show and the afternoon show should be kept out of it. But to your point, Kate, that would suck to host a show.
Yeah.
With somebody who-
It's like bringing a bunch of heat to the show.
And if they're grumpy, they're grumpy all the time.
And they're, yeah.
It would suck. So does he do- You have to just absorb all of it? the show. And if they're grumpy, they're grumpy all the time. And they're, yeah.
You have to just absorb all of it.
Does this show do live callers?
They shut them off.
Are they going now?
So apparently they only open the phone lines when they do call in segments.
That's what I was told.
Got it.
Has he like tweeted or anything since?
I don't think so.
I doubt he'll.
He had me blocked forever.
I don't know. He'll probably block us all again
Probably
Like
He'll probably just never say anything about it
Never follow him
Everyone should go listen to Waddle and Sylvie
Brought it on himself
Cap
J Hood
Those guys are
Yeah
And Carmen and Yurko
ESPN 1000
Those are our guys
They've been loyal to us for
Like they stuck by me
During BBT
During Oh yeah Like they were always loyal And so that's they stuck by me during bbt during oh yeah they were always
loyal and so that's why i was like fuck the other guys like but yeah it's crazy part of me i wish
socks dave had a piece in that oh he's been he's been itching for a while yeah well that was the
thing is when you sent me the clip i wanted to post it i was like this is in my fight i'm gonna
wait and then chuck just went and did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because one of the 108 guys tweeted the screen cap, which is funny in and of itself.
His face is just boiling.
Yeah.
Steve.
Yeah.
Steve.
Do you think?
Yeah.
I'm very interested in how this will play out.
I don't know.
I think if I had to guess, he's just going to ignore it and pretend it never happened.
I don't know how you can ignore it if it's never going to stop.
Yeah,
it is.
It's yeah.
Cause I,
he does think he's better than us.
Like that's the thing.
So he's had you guys blocked.
He had me blocked for,
was there a specific incident that made this like a public,
something happened.
It's probably,
it's probably,
uh,
like the 2016 election or something
something happened in the last 10 years where he the show that they used to have bores and
bernstein was very popular in like it was like a fun show like they would joke around and then
something broke in his brain and he hasn't been the same and that's just been how it's been but
like you said he has his own myriad of controversy so many yeah right and they're lo and that's just been how it's been but like you said he has his own myriad of
controversy so many yeah right and they're looting that's usually the people who are projecting they
they were one way they changed who they are and now they're trying to you know be like oh i'm on
the right side of things yep buddy yeah yeah well i what was the he got i think he responded to
someone like i can't stop staring at her tits.
A sideline reporter.
He's like, I have no interest in her commentary,
but I am interested in her giant boobs.
That's suspended for that.
Who was that about?
That was a local sideline reporter.
Yeah, which one?
Not her.
He was probably really young when he said that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
58.
58, yeah.
Exactly.
58.
He was only 58.
He was only 58.
It's okay.
I wonder if people can dig up examples of callers calling him Bernstein and him not getting offended.
Like, he's been called that probably countless times.
I don't know what else they would call him.
If the show's called that. It's literally called that they would call him if the show's called that
it's literally called you call him that it's called that yeah it has nothing to do with that
no yes he just hates barstool but like i'm kind of i'm super glad you said something because he
was going to take any sentence you say yes yeah yes correct but that's the part that's shocking
to me is that i mean he doesn't understand internet culture obviously but
to give it such a softball
like that was Eddie did
nothing nothing
are like terrestrial radio guys weird
not
all of them probably a lot of them are a little
bitter just like changing
of yeah but but the people who embrace
it or have succeeded like our guys
Waddle and Sylvia on ESPN 1000 are the best guys.
Sylvie don't like me.
Oh, he doesn't?
No.
Why?
That's just my conspiracy.
I'm just kidding, though.
But yeah, the name of their show is Waddle and Sylvie.
If you call them Waddle or Sylvie, which I do every single time I'm on.
They'd be fine with it.
Yes.
They'd be fine with it.
It's crazy.
Yeah. Yeah, of course. Anybody would be fine with it yes it's like it's crazy yeah yeah of course
anybody would be fine with that yeah it's wild so all right well eddie yeah i mean you're you're i
don't i don't know where this you know i mean the riders have been unleashed the swifties have been
unleashed i'm sure the minifans are on their way i mean bernsie's gonna be uh fishing and people
are just gonna be screaming bernstein at him. Yeah. He's a big Lake Michigan Fisher.
Yeah.
Actually, I know exactly how this is going to play out.
What was that, Eddie?
They're live right now.
They have their chat on 10 hours follower only mode. Oh, my God.
So you can't say Bernstein in the chat?
I actually know exactly how it's going to play out.
He's going to claim harassment.
Yes.
He's going to say someone did something to him,
and then it's going to flip,
and all the white-nighters are going to be like, Barstool's so bad.
Called him by his last name.
Called him by his last name.
Shouldn't have done it.
Sorry, guys.
All right.
Thanks, Eddie.
Yeah, that's going on.
It's crazy.
What, does he have an army of sorts?
No.
No.
Okay.
No.
Bernstein's Bears, right?
That's what it is, yeah.
No.
That shit was good.
Yeah.
He does not have an army
the books
the books were
the books
fantastic
they lived in a tree
I don't know
I don't remember
the lore of them
neither do I
all I remember is
what you mentioned
the mandala effect
of Berenstain
or Berenstain
but I don't remember
the actual content
actually I don't either
I thought they didn't
even exist
I remember loving them
no that's
that's Shazam
with Sinbad
Kazam they were just getting into hijinks around their tree house I think I thought they didn't even exist. I remember loving them. No, that's Shazam with Sinbad.
Kazam.
They were just getting into hijinks around their treehouse, I think.
A lot of moral lessons.
Did they maul anybody?
I don't think so.
They weren't those kind of bears.
Just every so often they mauled.
It is weird that they took Baloo from Jungle Book and they didn't change his character
and they made him a pilot in...
Tailspin.
In Tailspin.
Oh, yeah.
That makes no sense at all.
No.
I love Tailspin.
But it's hard to get past.
That was just Baloo.
No, the little guy.
He's a pilot now.
The little guy.
He used to be just an actual bear.
So you couldn't watch a cartoon?
It broke immersion, man.
Just make it a different bear.
I would like to see if Bernstein's Army, where they are right now.
I don't know how anybody could be on the other side of that,
just being like, yeah, that was fucked up by Ed.
And for the record, Dave did say professionally.
Professionally.
Professionally.
Professionally. I never want him Dave did say professionally. Professionally. Professionally. Professionally.
I never want him to sleep again professionally.
Professionally.
Yeah, I wonder.
He's not an online guy, so he's probably like when he walks out of his show today.
I think he is.
He has 65,000 tweets.
I guess maybe he is an online guy.
Yeah.
It's going to hurt him. This is an online guy. Yeah.
It's going to hurt him.
This is so self-inflicted.
I'm so excited.
Bernstein.
Yeah, but I think.
He is going to flip it and say, oh, they were mean to me. That's exactly what's going to happen.
They piled on.
No part of him is going to be like, did I fuck up?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
He's not going to do that.
Yeah.
Someone's going to write a story being like, Barstool at it again.
And then, yeah, There'll be a few people
Who'll be like
They're so toxic
And then everyone with a brain
Will be like
What are we talking about
Do you think
Do you think his co-host
Really didn't understand
When we said like
What'd he call you
Was he sensing
That the guy's offended
And for no reason
Or was he like
I think he didn't
He was on his team
He was on his team
That's what I got
Yeah
But yeah
His co-host doesn't like us either i know that for a fact you cannot like us and then
be surprised when somebody gets mad that their last name got called yeah i hope he like stayed
mad the rest of the night when this was last week i called me bernstein when was it it was like
thursday or friday how is this just surfacing now
i because i didn't want to tweet it because it's eddie's fight oh oh you saw it i yeah he sent it
to me like friday or saturday or no maybe sunday he sent it to me he showed it to me and i was like
that's crazy so i got to dave but i didn't want to i didn't i'm not going to tweet it if eddie
didn't want me to tweet it and then no Chuck tweeted it I love it Chuck works in the
shadows
I just love the
idea of the riders and the minifans
and the swifties Jerry's army
it's the nuclear option
that's like a
win in your lap right
he handed us a win
put it on a tee
so yeah Patton got killed by the CIA a win in your lap. Right. He handed us a win. Put it on a tee.
So yeah, Patton got killed by the CIA.
That's what you, yeah, that's what people were telling you.
Why?
I read two articles.
Yeah, you've got to stop believing these things. Remember Che Guevara day?
I don't know, man.
This Patton one seems pretty.
Okay, but it's just, it's real.
So did they, help me understand. Did they, did he actually hit his head?
Did he conk his head?
They tried to kill him in the car crash.
Okay.
So it was low speed.
No one else was hurt.
Right.
And there's like...
But the car crash did happen.
Car crash happened.
There was a report that like, every single day there were whatever the MPs, Army Police,
would patrol the highways
making sure that no one was speeding,
and for some reason they called all the MPs to go to lunch that day
during the car crash.
Car crash happened, didn't kill him, went to the hospital,
and then the conspiracy theory is they poisoned him.
Oh, my gosh.
Question, since you you read two articles
why i'm an expert okay why why would we have wanted to kill petten he uh wanted to take out
russia right away so we like no we we can't do that right now and then we decided to do it we
just got done with 50 years we just got done with the war we can't be going right back out there
yeah all right because he was kind of nuts by the end right he was like little nuts yeah We just got done with the war. We can't be going right back out there.
Because he was kind of nuts by the end, right?
He was.
He was a little nuts.
He had a lot of power.
He was a little nuts.
Did anybody else tweet you guys the CIA heart attack gun?
No.
The guy that invented it looks just like mints.
What?
Did you see it, Brandon?
I didn't.
Somebody tweeted that to me.
CIA heart attack gun? Yeah, it was a dart that was made of ice.
And so it would go into you, and then the dart would melt.
Let's see if there's the guy.
Hold on.
Let's scroll down.
Here's a picture.
As a poison that was undetectable.
Is it in this video?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
And a special one was developed, which potentially would be able to enter the heart. There he is. Oh my god That's a 1950s minke
Yeah
There he is
With his heart attack gun
That's pretty cool though too
Yeah
So it goes in your body
And then melts
To release poison
I think the dart
The poison goes in your body
And then the dart melts away.
So you only have like a little red dot.
No, they never did an autopsy on Patton, too.
Oh, dead giveaway.
Wow.
That's pretty crazy.
A general, four-star general?
Wow, yeah.
An autopsy?
That's what an autopsy is, isn't it?
And now it makes sense that they have that.
A dead giveaway?
They have that he was complaining.
Yeah.
Died like a bitch.
Yeah, they wrote his wikipedia page he was being he was being fussy about being paralyzed oh yeah paralyzed yeah yeah when we poisoned him he was really being a bitch about yeah
this poison tastes like shit. Poison's too cold.
So what's up, everyone?
Hey.
That was a good start to the show.
Yeah, it was.
A lot going on.
A lot going on. Yeah.
A lot going on.
A lot going on.
Well, a lot going on.
Not that much going on.
I think the going on is done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Going on.
Now it's just us.
Now it's just us.
Hey, guys. It's just us boys. Oh, Max peed himself. Yeah. Now it's just us. Now it's just us. Hey, guys.
Just us boys.
Oh, Max peed himself.
Yeah, there was Max.
Apparently, he was really trying to hide the drizzle when he was sitting down, too.
Yeah.
I've done that many times on the show.
Yeah.
Did you spot that on your own?
No, no.
That was another.
I don't know why people.
Well, people tell me because I'll blab.
That's really high, too.
That's super high.
That's the worst part about those.
I mean, you could estimate length based off stain.
Right.
Yeah.
Let's start calling them men.
Yeah.
It's a tic-tac.
Yeah, that's tough.
I've had those, and yeah, they're always way too high.
And that can be nothing else.
The formula height times stain equals length. Yeah. You really want it down in your like upper thigh yeah most you start putting
stains you know yeah that's why i switch from boxer briefs to boxers because when it drips now
it doesn't catch on the boxer briefs it'll go down a little bit further so you just ping on your leg
yeah yeah that's smart only next level thinking yeah just in case i dribble yeah all right let's talk about
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And also memes. Oh, none of us have to go to D.C., right? Kate some Lucy today. Also memes.
Oh, none of us have to go to D.C., right?
Kate.
Kate does.
Kate does.
Wait, what was Kate's thing?
Boys to men.
I mean.
Multiples.
You said.
Multiple singers.
That's one group.
That's multiple singers.
Three guys.
Boys.
It's right there in the name.
Yeah.
Men.
Men.
Two.
Two.
One clump of boys.
Oh, shit. One clump of boys. Used to be four. Now it's three. Yeah. Two. One clump of boys. Oh, shit.
One clump of boys.
Used to be four.
Now it's three.
Yeah.
Who left?
Mike, the bass guy.
Oh, no.
Unless he's back,
but it's Nate, Mike, and...
Nate, Sean, and...
Was he the guy
that would talk every so often?
Juan Ye.
Yeah, he was the one
who would talk in the song.
Girl, I know you cheated on me.
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, that was Mike.
I'll forgive you.
I always liked the deep voice guy. He was the deep voice guy in all for one don't remember the names
of any of the all okay just boys to men just boys to men i they were my favorite group when i was 15
see i won their cd in the mall the radio station was there you spun the thing and then i won their
cd and then i ribbon danced to it in the driveway. Yeah. What are you staring at? I'm staring at your shirt.
It's crazy.
What are you staring at?
What do we got?
Birds?
It's birds.
You got birds.
Oh, he's into birds now.
Are you a birdie?
I've told you guys my dream now is to buy a really nice camera,
sit out on my lake, and take pictures of birds.
You have said that.
And that's what I want to do.
And y'all keep dismissing it like it can't happen.
I want a really nice camera with like a $2,000 lens,
and I want to sit there, and'll take pictures of the birds the cormorants and the
geese and the ducks and the eagles all of them there's an app that helps you identify birds
i don't want a bird watch what is this one yes you do i just want to take pictures of that's
bird watching indigo bunting but i think it can what's that one it can evolve no i'm not i'm not
looking at that do we talk about how competitive bird watching is solely based on honor system?
Yeah.
Really?
Is there cheaters?
Probably.
Oh, I love the weird communities.
There's competitive bird watching?
Yeah, what's competitive?
Oh, I saw this.
I saw this.
Check.
And the regular birds, they call them trash birds.
They're like, oh, there's nothing but trash birds today.
No way.
They get real into, like a robin is a trash bird. I don't want to see trash birds. They're like, oh, there's nothing but trash birds today. No way. They get real into it.
It's like a robin is a trash bird.
I don't want to see exotic birds.
I just want to see my birds.
It's kind of like opposite fishing.
Yeah.
I want to uncover a cheating scandal there because you know there's one guy who has no morals.
Who hasn't seen shit.
And he's seen everything.
He's famous for seeing every type of bird and he's actually not.
I saw that.
I've seen a few birds.
Oh, that?
Yeah, yeah. I saw that. It's like a few birds. Oh, that? Yeah, yeah, I saw that.
It's like a charity golf scramble where the last group that comes in
always finds a way to shoot like a 49.
The fishermen with the weights and the fish.
I love those.
We got weights and fish.
Just low-stakes competitions.
Someone's like, I'm going to cheat at this.
Like the dozen?
But those people always shock me but like every competition we'll do here there will be somebody that roots for the white socks that tries to cheat every single time because they can't handle
it always shocked me that people cheated the dozen because you have to you have to play in
person actually yeah and then you get exposed.
And then everyone's like, oh, you just went from the best player to the worst player?
And again, what are the stakes?
None.
Nothing.
If you don't know who led the Jaguars in rushing in 2007, who gives a fuck?
That's true.
Oh, I hate him.
He doesn't know where the Anaheim Ducks play.
It would.
The Honda Center.
That was one that got cheated on.
Was it?
Yeah. The cons cheated on that one i said you don't know
where the ducks play he says i know arenas he doesn't know hockey arenas that cons was the team
the first year that was like the best team and then they came and they got killed scored two
points yeah that's crazy i love it i love it too and i love the video i kind of want someone to do
you can see him the screens changing like here the typing i kind of want someone to do you can see him the screens changing
like here the typing i kind of mispronouncing names for someone to cheat in a live show
like with like an earpiece or something because at that point you'd be like tip your cap yeah
if that were possible i would have done there's a lot of glancing at jeff's computer monitor
but he has it so small yeah how would you know that? Because I... Fucking tiny, tiny print.
I've never cheated at the dozen, but I'm going to start.
Yeah, we should.
I'll start.
You should actually, as a show...
I've cheated as a phone-a-friend.
Oh, yeah, you just tell the person to look it up.
Every phone-a-friend is cheating.
I cheated as the one receiving the phone call once.
Oh, okay.
You kind of fucked me up for the rest of the night i'm like damn if i ever cheat on the dozen moving forward it's just a bit well no that's what i'm saying we know we should all
agree to cheat next year and first one to get caught loses all right yeah that's good that's
good i will like this yeah yeah jeff will enjoy this. Brandon, have you ever cheated at the dozen?
Not on purpose, but I did.
What?
Yeah, you did.
I remember you did.
Remember when I did?
I walked out.
We were at the office, and I was going to get somebody to answer a question, and I said
the question out loud, and as I was walking back, Katie gave me the answer.
Okay.
I didn't think about it.
I walked in there, and I said the answer.
And then as soon as it dinged, I was like that wasn't right and i told him and so i was the honest cheater who
would break your heart to be a cheater in the dozen fleming man yeah chay would break my heart
if no cheating the whole time i think he could be pushed to cheating no i don't think so i really
don't chating yeah it's half his name yeah yeah it's right there
see here yeah I
haven't heard from
him we've gone an
awful far away into
the show without
hearing his voice
he's right there
hello we're helping
with the call it
together we talked
about forgot about
that
Kyle have you taken
your first pee yet
I have to pee so
because I'm at my
second pee I didn't
want to take my second
pee before you
guys got a problem.
I know.
Someone told me I might have a problem.
A doctor who's watching this show?
I actually appreciate all the meta.
You guys have polar opposite lifestyles, though.
Yeah.
And yet, it's horseshoe theory.
It's horseshoe theory.
Horseshoe theory.
You shouldn't try at all.
I don't know what horseshoe theory is.
I use that all the time.
And I use straw man arguments all the time
No idea what that is either
You just pull out straw man when you're losing
Straw man
What is horseshoe theory?
I don't want to know
I just want to use it
Is it the
It's when you get close to something
I think
You get points for getting close
You start
It's like a line graph
It goes here and then all the way up
And then it kind of starts almost where it...
Yeah.
It ends where it almost starts.
For what?
Huh?
My brain's too dumb for that.
So, like, idiots and experts can get to the same conclusion?
Is that what we're talking about?
That's a strong answer.
I think it's opposite ends of a spectrum are actually close to each other.
Give me a...
Pretend to argue and use it.
So, if you were doing...
Oh, Kyle pees a lot.
Brandon pees a lot.
Kyle pees a lot because he's healthy. Kyle pees a lot because he's healthy.
Brandon pees a lot because he would expect healthy and unhealthy to be over here.
Right, right.
But really it's a horseshoe, and they're actually kind of close.
Got it.
But then again, none of us really know.
But I actually don't know if that's true.
I think it's this.
Hold on.
I might be confusing how a black hole is made, or how you bend the space-time continuum,
which is bring two points. I know what the horseshoe curve is that's an altuna
my parents just went they stood up there and waited for the train and you watch it go it's
very exciting engineering marvel really is lovely this is the graph that our friend tom
franelli tweets every time scotty shuffler. I think this is what we're talking about. Let's see.
Maybe I'm wrong.
That's the magic. We don't have to... The bell curve meme?
We're not expel... Oh.
What's the difference between a bell curve and a horseshoe
theory? Fuck.
Fuck.
Good question.
Ebo would know this.
Ebo would know this Ebo would This see
Yeah
I spent years building
A probability model
That helps me make
Plus EV bets
In any golf tournament
And then it's just
The idiot just bet on
Scotty Scheffler
This is a good meme
I like this meme
The guy in the middle
Has the model
And then the smart guy
Says just bet on
Scotty Scheffler
That's a horseshoe
Yeah I think that's it
Yeah
Where idiots
Poor
People who take
Poor care of their health People who take poor care of their health,
people who take great care of their health,
both end up pissing on you.
Yeah.
Make the grid.
Which one is which?
You know.
I've been walking.
He's been walking.
He's been lifting.
I sent pictures of my lift yesterday to Kyle.
You sent pictures of your lift?
The other day I said i've been lifting 170 pounds
since you're a picture of the stick in the hole not of you lifting that way why did you need that
anyone could put the stick in i'm not gonna cheat at that if i don't cheat at the dozen
i did immediately take it out and put a different hole
talking about lifting or yeah i don't know anymore i i went to a new gym yesterday and i because uh you're going
to a gym yeah i go to the gym makes sense i thought you were here no i go to the gym when i
go home i walk here when i get here and before i get home i go to a gym and i go home but i went
to a new gym yesterday to try out and i was like oh i want to try a new gym and i called them and
they said yeah you can come sign up so i talked to them about signing up and i went in there and immediately didn't want
to sign up so i had this awkward 15 minutes where i have verbally committed to something and then
didn't want to do it right so i had to be like um i'm just gonna go home and think about it yep who
goes home and thinks about going to a gym yeah so i had to lie my way out of that building yep and
it was awkward why didn't you want to go to that gym?
It was too small.
And I went there at 530.
I got there at 530, and it was full.
And that's just not what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for, like, two people in there.
And so I just bailed out.
I didn't like it.
You should go home gym then.
Snap Fitness Lake Villa.
I'm sorry.
I'm not going to be coming back to join.
I apologize.
Make the gym in your garage. I don't be. I don't be. I'm sorry. I'm not going to be coming back to join. I apologize. Make the gym in your garage.
I don't be.
I don't be.
I don't be.
It's.
I don't know how that bothered you.
I guess I should.
I just, I don't know.
It'd be cool.
We could put on some music.
I just don't think I'll do it.
Have the garage door open on a nice day. I don't think I'll do it. Have the garage door open on a nice day.
I don't think I'll do it at home.
Plus, Tommy dropped a 15-pound weight on his toe a couple weeks ago.
Oh, yeah.
So I don't want bigger weights because I just think I'll hurt the kids.
You're not worried about hurting the kids?
Yeah, I don't let them in the gym because they are going to get hurt.
My gym would be my garage.
Mine's in my basement. They definitely would get hurt hurt you don't let your kids in the basement no there's a it's a room okay
yeah the boys run the basement in my house that's where the boys i mean yeah the kids run my basement
i don't have any space i mean i was one of the boys oh you're me and the other boys we run we
run the basement the boys excited for the Minecraft movie?
I don't think they know about it.
However, the youngest one has found out about Sonic 3.
It's coming in December.
He's been asking me to take him to Sonic 3 every Friday since Sonic 2 came out.
So it's finally going to happen?
Yeah.
And then we're going to be right on to Sonic 4.
Don't know if there'll be a Sonic four.
There was never Sonic four video game on Genesis.
So there'll be charting new territory.
Is Knuckles in three?
Knuckles was in two.
Shadow is going to be in three.
Knuckles has his own thing, right?
Yeah.
Shadow has a gun.
Shadow has a gun.
Knuckles is on Max, I believe.
Knuckles is red.
Maybe Apple TV.
It's on something.
Knuckles is red. Shadow is black. Dark red is red. Maybe Apple TV. It's on something. Knuckles is red.
Shadow is...
Black.
Dark red or black?
Black red.
Like black red.
He's sweet.
He's got a gun.
Shadow's a bad dude.
Is Sonic scary?
No, Sonic's fine.
Sonic's just like a little boy.
No, the show, the movie.
No.
Oh.
It's good.
I had Jim Carrey in it.
I doubt he's going to be in three.
Was he in two?
Yeah, he was in two.
How are you not going to have... I think he's in three. Was he in two? Yeah, he was in two. I think he's in three.
There's Knuckles.
No, that was...
Keanu Reeves as Shadow?
Yeah.
No, that was Knuckles.
Do you know who was Knuckles?
No.
Idris Elba was Knuckles.
Holy shit.
Remember when the internet bullied them into reanimating?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was cool.
It ended up...
These movies are shockingly good.
Sonic the Hedgehog.
This looks scary.
They're better than the Mario movie that came out.
That's scary.
I've tried to start Friday night movie nights with my son, and every movie for that age
is so scary or so sad.
The scariest movie I ever showed my kids when they were like two and three, Finding Nemo
was shockingly scary.
The mom always, we just keep watching the Blue's blues clues movie every Friday night now, which is killing me
Are they shaving this? Oh, that's egg, man
What's going on outside right now? What is what Jerry's using?
We'll pull up Jerry's tweeties. I just see I haven't watched it, but he's using
He's using the
Cleaning lady is a interpreter to someone who delivered something to him.
Oh, no.
She's so shy.
He's on a 72-hour liquid diet.
This might be a sign not to do the liquid diet for 72 hours.
I ordered bone broth that spilled all over the guy's car.
He doesn't know where he picked it up from.
I'm not sure what's going on.
He doesn't know where he picked it up from.
But does Jerry not know where he picked it up from. But does Jerry
not know where he ordered it from?
Jerry's
the translator.
Yeah, right. This doesn't help.
Just talking to each other.
Neither of them knowing.
I will say the smell of bone broth is never
coming out of that car. I don't like the way you said bone.
Bone broth.
He's on a 72 hour liquid
diet. Is he going to be able to do that?
Yeah. Does the milkshakes count?
Doesn't he have to kick tonight? He said coffee
and water only. Why?
He might be there forever tonight.
But the complaint is the guy
doesn't know where he picked the bone broth up
from. But it spilled all over his car.
But doesn't Jerry know where he ordered it from?
Yeah. He ordered it.
A lot of questions. He's double doinking tonight?
He's double doinking.
I hope he does it on the first.
Where do I purchase bone broth?
Why is he asking Twitter? You can just buy it at the grocery. Where do I purchase bone broth? Why don't you ask him on Twitter?
You can just buy it at the grocery store.
Yeah, tonight he's got to get a double doink.
It's going to take forever.
How mad would people be if he first tries it?
I think first try people wouldn't be mad.
It's like the 20 minutes that people would be mad.
So the double
doink did left post right post yeah so this is that or crossbar it actually might be easy was
it left post right i don't think this will take too long or is it left post crossbar
god i fucking memory hold it i guess we got to pull it up i think it was left post crossbar
it was crossbar you have to almost almost not aim at the upright. Yeah.
Because you aim, I don't know.
I don't think he's going to be able to get enough loft.
He's going to have a line drive everything and it's going to pop off so hard.
I don't know where you aim.
I think you aim at the upright. You go right hash, you aim inside of the left and hope it bounces back.
It's like having a golf shot with a tree in your way.
I feel like I aim at the tree.
Where's he kicking it from?
Yeah, it was middle.
Okay.
So he's got to do that.
Yeah, just got to go down.
I think he can do that.
How's his just getting it airborne period?
How's his kicking?
I don't know.
How far is his field goal?
Power too.
Where is he doing it?
Just a local.
Challenge is completed when he hits the goalpost
or crossbar twice on one kick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it doesn't have to be the same sides as what...
Yeah, just any combination of...
Yeah, the crossbar twice.
But it most likely will be...
A goalpost crossbar.
Yeah.
Is he using an NFL-sized goalpost?
I believe so.
Yeah, they're going up to Joliet again.
Oh.
We have the jugs machines in here, too.
We just bought two jugs machines.
I heard people going crazy yesterday. Were they? Yeah. What can we do? How to catch them on six. What's a jugs machine? here, too. We just bought two jugs machines. I heard people going crazy yesterday.
Were they?
Yeah.
What can we do with them?
What's a jugs machine?
What can we do with them right now?
What can we do with them?
It's sitting right over there.
Oh, that thing.
Okay.
It's like a pitching machine for footballs.
That's cool.
Shoot one into the studio.
Everyone's got to close their eyes.
A lot of cameras in the studio.
Yeah. No, not close your eyes a lot of cameras in in the studio yeah no not close your
eyes that thing fires it i'm just spitballing i know but that that that fires it i was thinking
what we could do what could i do that would be like really impressive catch it on 10 catch it
within what does that like five feet away hardness of it i think mook only did it on six and his
hands were kind of fucked up 10 yeah show me me ten. Show us ten, Titus.
He's looking for the keys.
Jerry took all the footballs.
Oh.
Oh.
There's one, but I don't know if it's going to work as well.
Jerry took all the footballs?
Yeah, for the thing.
He's already taken them?
Hey, listen, I haven't ingested any analysis.
Are the Jets done?
No.
They can make the playoffs?
Yeah, they're fine.
Aaron Rodgers looks pretty good.
He looks...
Good enough?
Yeah.
He looks...
What about the team as a whole?
Defensive line's a problem.
He's really frustrating.
He looked slow, but his arms...
Yeah, he did look...
His arm's still there, so he'll be fine that way.
And you guys have an easy schedule.
I was looking at your schedule.
You're going to win like 10 games.
Did memes quit?
Play the Niners.
What?
Did memes quit?
Memes is not showing up to work today.
He tweeted his resignation.
Yeah.
And all we, like, it was very bizarre because we didn't really say anything
besides, like, the Jets stink.
That's fucked up. It was very bizarre because we didn't really say anything besides like the Jets stink. That's fucked up.
It was week one.
A lot of people want his job now.
People don't know how crazy memes is.
He's crazy.
I didn't know that.
He seems like a normal.
He got the job by just tweeting at us nonstop for like two years straight.
Got some twist in him.
He's an angry fella. You can't like replicate his meme style years straight. He's got some twist in him. He's an angry fella.
You can't like replicate his meme style.
No. He's talented.
He also thinks purely in memes.
But that's his name.
But have you ever seen him
like explode?
He and Hank have a little beef.
There's always tension.
What is Donnie doing?
You never know, ever.
What was that? That never know, ever. Oh!
What was that?
That's five.
Ten.
Oh, shit.
Hit him with the ten.
That was five?
Dang.
Hit him with the ten.
What is Donnie doing? Blutman, keep your hair away from that thing.
Chase should be able to do this.
Uh-oh.
Brandon, pay attention.
Blutman's eyeball's falling off.
What do you mean?
He didn't show up to work yesterday because I think his eyeball's falling off.
What's going on with his eye?
You know, he looked bad.
Yeah.
His doctor said it was from, like, screen time.
Come on with notes.
Yeah, your eyeball's falling off your head, dude.
He said yesterday, he's like, I'm not looking at a single screen until Monday Night Football.
No.
That was what he...
Right now he is.
Which Plotman are we talking about?
That one.
That one.
Okay.
I want him to...
Yeah, look at his eye.
Yeah, it just started going away.
Packed its bags.
I need a vacation.
Going south for the winter.
All right.
Che's swaggy.
He is.
He is.
Is it on 10? No. south for the winner. All right. Chase Swaggy. Yes, she is.
Is it on 10?
Bad throw.
We should all have to stand by it and then run away from it and whoever hits is out.
Oh, God.
I miss playing that egg game.
Yeah.
I still haven't played that.
You weren't at stews?
No.
Gets the heart pumping remember what
i fucking crushed gate that was like oh yeah and that's when she was like peak pain yeah and i
headshotted brandon remember the headshot on brandon can we do that again oh greatest hits
week yeah that game is so much fun it's i just giggle when I'm running. Yeah.
It is a fun game.
Can we zoom in on Blutman's wandering eye?
Yeah, I want to see this. Blutman!
Come here.
Has he ever had eye troubles before?
One of them just turned maroon on him.
Max Scherzer.
I can kind of see which one.
Blutman, what's going on with the eyes?
The eyes are back.
They're back?
The eyes are back.
What happened there?
Did you go see my doctor?
I don't know.
No doctor.
Bad doctors.
Bad doctors?
Yeah.
Why?
What were they saying?
Not a doctor guy, honestly.
Okay.
Yeah.
Shocking.
I can fix things on my own.
I did.
Yeah.
With the help of my mom.
What'd you do?
Take a day off, cold compress it?
Medicine.
Oh, yeah.
You have an eye oil, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And your eye was hurting?
No.
It was just red.
I'm a red guy, and I was redder than normal.
Got it.
So you went cold turkey, no screens all day yesterday.
I made it.
So I woke up at like 12 ish that was good
needed sleep and i made it till about three with no screens and then marky is just spam texting me
to answer them and i now now i'm obligated to use screens wait marky your dad and mark titus
marky my father got it mark titus won't play me in chess He wouldn't?
No
Why not?
Barstool Chess Club really has some legs guys
And we're not putting in the effort to get done
Counterpoint fuck no
Fair
Got nothing of that
What ended up happening with that?
Nothing?
McCarthy's fixing the jugs machine
Alright I'm happy you're okay Bultman
We can't lose your eyes
Of course
You might have two of the most important eyes in this office.
Agreed, but we'll never lose my eyes.
Y'all see how hysterical it looks when his eyes are bad, though?
What?
You see how funny it looks when his eyes are bad?
Do we have a bad eye photo?
Funny.
Yeah, there's a lot.
From unnecessary reference last Saturday night, I thought he'd been in a fight.
Really?
Oh, can we see?
That was two – not –
Two Saturdays ago.
Yeah.
Week one.
Yes, week one.
I mean, no one watches football harder than you.
Yeah, I mean, it got really bad after Fingley, Notre Dame, Texas A&M.
Yeah.
Yeah, he said that game destroyed his eyes.
I can't believe I didn't notice this when I was watching the program.
Well, we weren't on the program.
We were doing unnecessary roughness.
I want you to see a doctor now and just be like, what happened?
Football.
I watched Notre Dame-Texas A&M.
No point in the doctor.
Look at him.
Oh, my God.
I thought he was.
Holy shit.
Notre Dame did that to you?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, more so Wigman, but yeah.
Why just one eyeball?
Because what happens is I'm like, wow, that's a really bad pass.
And then I just rub the eye.
Oh, you're touching the eye?
Yes.
You're aggravating the eye with your finger.
Correct.
And it's not like on purpose.
It just happens.
It's involuntary.
It's a natural reaction to
bad sports.
Bad football. Correct. I'm all
good now.
Did you watch good sports now?
Oh, that one's firing now.
Bad sports.
Just hopefully, you know.
Thursday night, hopefully.
Texas State beats ASU and the eyes
will be good. Okay.
Chair, are you going to catch one on 10?
You want to catch one on 10?
No, that was sick.
Try to catch one on 10.
Titus is going to miss and it's going to hit Mincy in the face.
What if it hits him in the balls?
Oh, yeah.
Che, do you have your cup?
Why did he grab his dick?
He certainly did.
Has he jerked off anymore?
Yeah, he had five last night.
Nice.
How far away is he getting?
Get closer.
Get closer.
Where are you going?
You don't need gloves.
Oh, God.
That's not that bad.
Oh, no.
I want to try that.
Yeah, get in there.
You want to try that, Kyle?
That was six?
I think the receivers, they're like six inches away from it.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it, Blumman.
I think this one's gonna be high, Kyle.
Alright, Kyle.
That's it.
Something's gonna break.
Something's gonna to break.
Something's going to break.
That was only on six.
I think he's lying.
We do need to use Mince as the test balloon here.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Steven, you got 10.
It's cool.
Just get it to 10.
Yeah, straight to 10.
Get it to 10, Titus.
I want to see 10. There we go. We turned it up a little bit. There we go, straight to 10. Get it to 10, Titus. I want to see 10.
There you go.
He turned it up a little bit.
Here we go.
Did you turn it?
Hold on.
Oh.
All right, I'm going to go down a little.
I'm a little bit too left.
10.
10?
10.
They're a long way away.
Woo.
This is where we're ultimately winning too
because Bernstein is stewing,
being like, these guys are harassing me
and we're like, we have a joke.
I haven't thought about it.
We're just firing balls at each other.
That's nothing.
I thought there'd be more of a spiral.
You gotta get closer.
Closer?
You guys are 100 feet away. I'm afraid. Well, that makes sense. I'll there'd be a whole mess. You've got to get closer. Closer? You guys are 100 feet away.
I'm afraid.
Well, that makes sense.
Kyle said he's afraid, which doesn't happen often.
Kyle saying he's afraid or Kyle being afraid?
Being afraid.
I don't think he's an afraid guy.
Oh, Kyle.
Kyle?
Jay keeps saying you as if it wasn't Right, correct
Get closer
It's not that bad
Give a half court
That's
Even closer
That might be a step closer
Then you just step back
Get closer Kyle, does it hit pretty closer. Then you just step back.
Get closer.
Kyle, does it hit me hard? Did you actually hurt yourself?
No, I was so far away.
Yeah.
Jammed it?
Get closer, Steve.
Stand on the stool.
You're going to jam it if you try to catch it off the ground.
Catch it in the air.
Right there.
Right there.
Kyle, who spotted it?
Here.
This is probably too hot.
You. Do you want to go in front of us? Go in front of the air. Right there. Right there. Kyle, who spotted it? Here. This is probably too hot. You.
Do you want to go in front of us?
Go in front of the camera.
Just catch it.
It's so far away.
Yeah.
I hope he never catches it.
He's standing at the worst place.
Get closer.
Get closer.
All right.
This thing's been inconsistent.
Right there.
Now I...
Fire.
Move it up as far as I'll go right now.
There you go. Nice.
Even closer.
Keep going.
Oh no.
Fucked up.
There's Kate's evil laugh. I know.
Can you show me hitting Brandon with the egg?
Oh yeah. What? No. We were talking about doing the egg game again. I know. Can you show me hitting Brandon with the egg? Oh, yeah. What? No.
We were talking about doing the egg game again.
I'd love to.
Oh.
That was fun.
There were five people running away.
I was far and away the furthest away, and he just...
You were far and away the furthest away?
He didn't worry about anybody else.
He just went straight for my head.
You're the biggest.
It was a great throw.
It was a great throw.
And I'm a good faller. Great the biggest. Perfect. It was a great throw. It was a great throw. And I'm a good
faller. Great faller.
Hey.
What's up, Marty?
Good. How are you? How we doing? How we doing?
Hey, friend. What's up?
Same exact beard texture. Who the fuck was that?
That's gotta be a hockey player.
I think it's a hockey player.
OTJ? Build.
You have a hockey player?
Who? It wasn't Justin Stee a hockey player? I didn't see.
Who?
It wasn't Justin Steele.
No.
It wasn't Conor Bedard.
The Cubs are in L.A. right now.
Process of elimination.
Not Justin Steele.
Wait, was that Pat Maroon?
All right.
Brandon's going to find out for us.
I think I've seen him before. I think that's Pat Maroon.
Brandon loves rubbing elbows doesn't he
Is that the term
Yeah rubbing elbows
Why would they say that
Sitting close to him
Does ESPN still do like the nudie athlete magazine
Oh that's a good question
The body issue
Oh yeah the body issue
Prince Fielder's
Butt
Saquon's butt was just out.
Saquon's butt.
Did they ever show girl butt?
Yeah.
There was ladies in that.
The body issue.
Alright.
I want to say I'm right.
I want to say I'm right. want to say I'm right yeah yeah big rig all right yeah you're right I say yeah just say yeah Stanley Cup champion let's play
Family Feud yeah thank you Wow nailed it nice you know puck I do know puck yeah
big rigs a great nickname yeah it is it's a great that's a great nickname. Yeah, it is.
It's a great nickname. It's a great fucking nickname.
A Big Rig.
He plays for us now?
I believe so, yeah.
He's got a couple rings.
He won one with the Blues, the Lightning.
Lightning, yeah.
I think he went...
2019 Blues.
No, he didn't.
Where did Pat Maroon go to college?
Texas A&M.
Mississippi State. Did he go to Harvard? Harvard. Could be Harvard. Oh, he didn't. Where did Pat Maroon go to college? Texas A&M. Mississippi State.
Did he go to Harvard?
Harvard.
Could be Harvard.
Oh, that's Crimson.
I don't think he went to Harvard.
Just be over here, guys.
Fire.
Don't worry about me.
Brandon is firing on all cylinders right now.
You're the man.
It's when you wear the bird shirt.
The bird shirt.
He knows that it's on.
Bird shirt Brandon's different.
He's different.
I don't know if y'all can tell.
There's birds all the way around the shirt.
Oh wait, I didn't notice that.
The whole shirt.
Give us some bird facts we don't know about.
Brandon, are your mentions
all positive because you block so many people?
No, it's all negative.
But then you block them.
People want to get blocked so they can then tweet out the pussy block but so is there any point
where it's positive i had a no i had a guy that started out positive the other i'll tell you what
the craziest dm i got this weekend was after the big justice show the other day and somebody told
me he had the day before it said brandon you're awesome and then he said you're a piece of shit for the way you treated that kid i want to find your kids and treat them the same way you
did these guys wow that's normal that's normal all right is that who we're broadcasting to and
and i was like i was like i fuck that kid. There we go.
There it is.
They didn't show up on AEW TV, I guess.
They didn't have a match or anything, so I guess they're going to do it in the future.
What do you mean?
Well, AJ...
They're supposed to fight?
AJ told me they were possibly going to be on the show.
They weren't on the show.
They were in the crowd.
Were they?
Yeah.
I didn't see that part.
Yeah, and some wrestlers said boom to them.
Did you watch that show?
I don't know, man.
Let's talk birds.
Because I didn't see that part.
Are there tits and boobies?
Yes.
There's definitely tits.
That blue-footed boobie?
Chocolate!
Chunk!
Savage sauce!
Because we bring the...
Boom! Oh, is he eating an ass?
Is he eating an ass?
Look at that.
I guess they were on there.
Yeah, I didn't see that part.
He's eating more ass.
Is that all he does?
I've never seen that guy
Who's that?
That's a good character
The ass eater?
The ass eater
I'm gonna eat your fucking ass
I'm gonna take your cheek
And your other cheek
You're going crazy in the front row here
That's Will Ospreay
Yeah, flip merchant
He's a flip merchant. Yeah.
He's a flip merchant? There's AJ.
Oh, yes.
One, two, three.
The live wrestling is so awesome.
Yeah, that kid's living his best life.
He's doing okay.
I'm an Olingus.
What are you creeping about?
I'm looking for Chef Donnie.
You seen him?
Probably in the kitchen.
Probably, yeah, in the kitchen. Yeah, I see yeah in the kitchen thanks nice where could the chef be got that figured out
did you you should have told pat moon that you're a partial season ticket holder i i tried to tell
him i'm a big blackhawks guy and he just he no-sold me he just he stared at me and marty laughed and i
wasn't joking.
And then I felt bad.
Did you walk up and say, who is this, Marty?
No, I said, who the fuck is this?
Okay.
And then you followed that up by saying, I'm a big Blackhawks guy.
I could see where that would have been.
Big signals at worst.
He just got on the team.
He just got on the team, and for not being Justin Steele,
he kind of looks like he's Justin Steele for a second.
A little bit.
If you assumed that it was Justin Steele and you barely looked at him,
you would think it was.
And all of a sudden it's Pat Maroon.
It's Pat Maroon instead of Justin Steele.
Hmm.
I can see how that would get confusing.
Yeah.
The debate's tonight?
I don't know.
I found out by the prep sheet. Yeah, it is. i found out yeah it is yeah it is i found
out by the prep sheet will not be watching that no i won't either and it's gonna be a fun night
on twitter i'm sure they should really give us a football game for us normies that don't want to
watch the debate yeah the debate is tonight who are two people you'd like to see in a debate
all right what you just listed debate shows oh what is your favorite debate talk radio
show of all time steven just went heavy on the debate the debate is tonight who are two people
you'd like to see in a debate next question the debate is in philadelphia tonight what is the most
overrated thing about philadelphia cheese steaks no and then the last one is what would you rather
never have again cream cheese or cheese steaks oh that. That's a pretty good one. I'd like to have both again. That's a tough one.
That's a pretty good one.
I think cheese steaks you'd have to give up.
Yeah, I have cream cheese more, but I like cheese steaks more.
Right.
There's a lot of things you like and you don't even know cream cheese is in there.
Say it again, people.
Desserts.
People in the back, Brandon.
Key for brownies with a little cream cheese swirling them.
Crab Rangoon.
Ice cream.
Oh, fuck.
You all right? I forgot about Crab Rangoon. rangoon so rare to go fucking to a yawn like that sorry about that well i'm thinking of sour cream never
mind yeah the franklin ice cream place is well known in philly what is your favorite ice cream
place in the country and why the famous one we went to in creamery at state college yeah
stone cold creamery yeah that was really good That was really good. That was really good.
I like Annette's here.
Annette's is great.
I walk there often.
What's the one by Wrigley?
Jenny's?
Yeah.
That's a chain.
Is it?
It's still good.
Let me take you to Annette's.
Annette's is great.
You know what I like?
Did you take me to Big Gay Ice Cream in New York?
I did.
Annette's closes down in the winter, though.
What?
Yeah.
That was good.
Yeah.
What about a veggie cream cheese?
Kyle just called it really big regular ice cream.
Okay.
What about a veggie cream cheese on a BLT?
Oh, my God.
Wait a minute.
You are anti-BLT.
But I'm pro cream cheese on sandwiches.
So does it matter what the sandwich is?
Especially a toasted sandwich.
You're just trying to squeeze the cream cheese in there.
Like a flavored cream cheese
on a sandwich.
I think you've forfeit all rights to talk about a BLT.
It's fine.
You did like a honey cream cheese.
I'm not a BLT guy. Honey cream cheese on a breakfast sandwich. Yeah. It's fine. You did like a honey cream cheese. I'm not a BLT guy.
Honey cream cheese on a breakfast sandwich. Yeah.
That's it. Cream cheese is
a great topic for a sandwich. Real fucking good.
I don't like hot honey. What?
I don't like hot honey. What?
I kind of agree with Nick. I think it kind of
just is overpowering and
sticky and sometimes too hot.
It's just... But you
like regular honey?
I don't want any condiment to have main character syndrome.
Hot honey is rejuvenated pepperoni.
Kyle's got a damn good point.
What did he say?
Barbecue sauce.
Barbecue sauce, main character.
You can't talk about barbecue sauce.
Who can talk about what?
Kyle can't talk about barbecue sauce.
He's anti-barbecue sauce.
It just sounded like he was pro-barbecue sauce.
No, he's not.
No, he's saying main character syndrome.
That's a bad thing.
He said main character syndrome.
But he said barbecue sauce has main character syndrome.
Anything has main character syndrome from the condiment family.
It's barbecue sauce.
Kyle, do you have a feud with salad dressing in general?
Salad dressing?
No.
Okay.
Does that find myself?
No, I do.
I do.
Balsamic vinaigrette with like the salads with fruit in it.
No, no.
Yeah.
No, no.
Feta is the worst cheese.
Oh, Feta is good on a salad, man.
Have you ever seen the Balkan breakfast?
No.
Dude, a Balkan dude eating a breakfast.
Is it gross?
He just munches vegetables and handfuls of Feta.
There's like a table of peppers and tomatoes,
and you're just going at it like this.
Like this.
Actually sounds like a pretty good breakfast.
Grab some cheese, pieces of bread.
It's good shit.
Can I see a Balkan breakfast?
I would love to.
You can look it up.
Why don't you do the high noon ad?
Okay.
I can't.
I wasn't talking to you.
Wait, who's that?
That's Libby Dunn.
Oh, God.
We got Paul Skeens and I got Libby Dunn.
High Noon.
It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games
because the High Noon End Zone Pack is here.
It includes limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry
along with black cherry and grapefruit. The High Noon End Zone Pack is a fall exclusive, the high noon end zone pack is here it includes limited edition fan faves pear and cranberry along
with black cherry and grapefruit the high noon end zone pack is a fall exclusive which means it's
here for a good time but not a long time visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate
to find a pack near you do y'all remember the last fella friday and i brought some um i brought a
video of some black gentlemen in southern Mississippi talking about hunting.
Yeah, that was great.
That was a great find.
I've been in contact with the guy that posts all those, and he said they've been thinking about starting a YouTube channel and a show.
I'm thinking about getting in on the ground floor of this.
What is you getting in on the ground floor?
I'd like to just buy all their equipment and watch them go.
So you want to buy their equipment and have them work for you?
No, no, no.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
He said, hey, bring me on your podcast.
And I was like, well, how about you just start your own podcast,
and I'll just help with that.
What do they need?
Like a consultant.
I think some equipment or something.
A room.
Huh?
It was just some guys that were in South Mississippi talking about hunting dogs.
Oh, yeah.
They rock.
I want them to be the biggest stars in America, and I love them so much. It was just some guys that were in South Mississippi talking about hunting dogs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that.
I want them to be the biggest stars in America, and I love them so much.
They're my favorite content creators on the internet.
So then let's do it.
I watch them all.
No, no, let's do it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
My bad.
I was trying to-
It's Brandon Walker Enterprises.
I was trying to be a supportive friend.
I'm going to need your money, but you have to give me the credit.
I was being a supportive friend.
I need your money, but give me the credit.
You get all the credit.
Okay, okay.
Remind me, are they aware of the content they're making,
or are they just sitting around and someone else is capturing the content?
I don't think so.
I think they're all just sitting around drinking beer,
and one of them's got a phone,
and the rest of them probably aren't aware TikTok is a thing,
and it just all goes to TikTok.
Can we see another clip of that?
Have they blown up?
No.
Nice.
I don't think so.
So you're in talks with them.
Oh, that's the Balkan.
This guy rules.
Holy shit. Oh, this guy is amazing.
Wait, is he just eating breakfast?
Is he dipped right on the table?
Is that in a container?
He's a human rabbit.
Oh, my God. This human rabbit. Oh my god.
This is crazy.
I'm obsessed.
I love this guy.
What's in the bag?
Oh, that's feta.
That's feta, okay.
Oh.
Is that a jalapeno?
What is that?
Stop.
Stuff in his face.
Yeah, he hasn't stopped to chew.
Has he swallowed?
He's like making the salad in his mouth.
Yeah. He's just doing ingredients.
You're right. Smart.
That's like healthy
as hell, too. I know.
He's also only eating half of every...
No, he
ate the whole thing that time.
He's just swallowing the shoe.
Where's it all going? He's just making a
sandwich in his mouth
little feta
wow
it looks lovely
can I see another
take a drink man
wait
yeah
wait is this just
all the falcon guys
that's how they eat breakfast
and lunch I think
oh I guess
this is all
this is what they do
they just
I kind of like how they just this dude's a poser yeah Oh, I guess this is all of them. This is what they do. They just...
I kind of like how they just...
This dude's a poser.
Yeah.
Oh, we should...
Just like a challenge?
So these are all the copycats.
That's just how they eat their meals.
The Balkan take the Balkan challenge?
I like this form of eating.
We should have everything spread out.
Is Balkan just any dude from that part of Eastern Europe?
Yeah, the Balkans.
How many countries is that?
What is that, like Serbia? Several.
There's like four.
Latvia?
Yeah, Montenegro.
They're the area where if they ever became Yugoslavia again,
they would be the best basketball team ever.
Yeah.
Yes.
It'd be crazy.
It's like Jokic and Luka would be together.
Oh, that's where Vladi was from there, right?
Yeah.
And they broke it up.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
The Balkans.
Albania, Bosnia.
If we broke up, where would our best basketball team be?
West Coast?
Cities?
Yeah, probably cities.
Yeah, but it depends on what city.
Like Chicago you'd think would be pretty good.
Yeah.
Then why isn't DePaul good?
Because five stars don't go to the Bulls. It's a great question.
It's a great question that we've all been thinking about.
Damn. Damn.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Keep a couple guys here.
Paul.
How can't they figure that out?
That's a good question.
Thanks.
All right, so we're getting these guys hired.
No, I just want them to succeed.
I love everything about them.
So then let's do it.
I get it, but I'm about content, not credit.
Okay, all right.
Let's do it.
I'm about content and credit.
Yeah.
Do you think they want to sell out like that?
Yeah.
You do?
Yeah.
Well, I've been paying attention.
How many 30 racks do I have to?
So it's going to be a lot of Bud Light.
Okay, so we'll just buy a bunch of 30 racks.
Yeah, okay.
And I think I get some Mossy Oak shirts, and I think we're in I think I get some Mossy Oak shirts and I think we're in business.
Some hunting shirts and some beer and I think we're in business.
Let him go.
I just want to go drink with him and I don't drink.
Have you gotten an invite?
Like, hey, come on down?
No.
No.
He said, bring me on your podcast.
And I said, we'll think of something.
Well, why don't you have him come on the podcast?
What town are they in?
Have him come on the app.
I would love to have him.
I don't know.
But I don't know the guy behind the camera, if he's ever in front of the camera.
I don't know who I'm talking to.
So I don't know if it's a young guy who is just.
So I've got to figure that out.
But I will.
I have the open invite.
I can bring him on the app.
I can go get him.
Without a doubt.
Yes. What town are they in
you said? They're in
South Mississippi.
That much I know.
I don't know what town they're in. You know who we could
send to drop off the podcast equipment?
Ah.
Ah.
Two birds with one stone.
Spot on the map over there.
You'd fit right in. What hope you spot on the map over there. I don't.
You'd fit right in.
I don't think Clemmer can go to the Mississippi.
What do you think they would make of Clemmer just walking?
I don't know.
They might skin him. Use him as a gun back.
This guy's a nice rug.
Look how long he is.
He'd be more of like a runner.
Those long bones we could use.
Clemmer's underrated funny death.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
I'd like to see him get electrocuted like Marv at Home Alone.
Yeah.
Skeleton.
Clemmer's skeleton would be awesome.
He falls from like a building for like a leaf. Clemmer's skeleton would be awesome.
He falls from a building like a leaf.
That clip we tweeted out, football's back or whatever,
and it was Clemmer running around.
Genuinely super excited.
I completely forgot about that.
That was so funny.
Wait, what was it? Clemmer Mincy Pro Day when Clemmer won.
Oh, I got to see this clip.
I forgot it.
I don't know who put it.
I think it was the Yak account that said when football's back or something,
then it was Clemmer running around screaming.
Clemmer Mincy Pro Day 2 is going to be awesome.
Didn't I send you something already for it, TJ?
What did I send you?
Yeah, she said save this for Pro Day.
What time of year was that?
It was February.
Okay.
What did I send you that they have to do?
I'll bring it up.
Okay.
I love that.
Everyone should be thinking.
I see something and I'm like, yes.
Yeah.
Pro day.
That's the polis out of the doldrums of winter.
Yeah.
Great idea.
Yeah, it's like two or three weeks after the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Pro day.
Right? Yeah, right. It two or three weeks after the Super Bowl, Pro Day. Right?
Yeah, right.
It's actually the end.
We'll just say now Clemmer Mincy Pro Day is the official end of winter.
We'll decide that.
The weather will cooperate.
That will be it.
Spring is right around the corner.
Yeah, it will be the new groundhogs.
What's a grilled cheese equivalent that's not grilled cheese?
An omelet?
I mean, BLT isn't the worst he would
yeah they'd have to make the bacon yeah that would start a fire oh yeah this oh yes this we're gonna
do this oh this is amazing yeah this is gonna be so great to watch them do oh this is the funniest
thing yeah what is this a string of Mentos, it looks like. With water and Coke.
You don't want to get that wrong bottle,
or you're going to end up with a messy, messy surprise. Yeah, this is going to rule.
Just wanted to go.
You guys are so alike.
Okay.
All right, Mike, you're up.
Which bottle are you thinking?
Oh, come on.
I don't want to get that wrong one.
Drop.
All right, Kenny.
Oh, this is driving me nuts.
Also, can you see it once you lift the lid?
Oh, yeah.
We got to do this blindfolded.
Yeah, do like brown water or something.
Yeah.
Coffee.
Coffee.
Coffee.
Yeah, they got a lid. Not as good as I thought. Yeah. Coffee. Coffee.
Not as good as I thought.
Yeah.
Shit.
All right, we'll refine it.
Yeah, I want like a spring.
Yeah, something.
No, we'll get,
we'll do that, but it's,
what's the old timey thing
you had to put your head in?
Not a guillotine.
Stock?
Stock, yeah.
We'll get a stock, and they got to do that with the stock,
so they have to stand there and get...
But I want the force of it to be like when Katy Perry got slimed.
Yeah.
Yes.
But yeah, just keep thinking about anything you see,
any competitions.
I want them to be real slick and have to climb something.
The slippery stairs?
Yeah.
Japanese slippery stairs.
Oh, my God.
He's like that the whole thing.
I could just watch him do that for two hours.
Should we just build a Japanese game show?
Yeah, we should do human bowling.
Human bowling would be amazing. With the slip and slide? Yes. Human bowling human bowling. Human bowling would be amazing.
With the slip and slide?
Yes.
Human bowling with the slip and slide would be awesome.
Those two, this would take two hours.
I want them to recreate the OK Go treadmill music video.
All right, I'm taking green.
I got blue.
Pink.
Fuck, orange.
I don't think it's going to be red.
No, blue sucks.
Green's being nice and careful.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah, we have to do this.
I love it.
I'm going to talk to someone after this show today and just be like, unlimited
budget. We need to build all this shit.
Slippery stairs. We got to blow it out.
We should just make it so that
in between every competition is slippery
stairs. Just like double dare.
Should it just be
Clemmer and Mincy or should we add a third
character to the fold? Who would be the third
character? I don't know. I don't or should we add a third character to the fold? Who would be the third character? I don't know.
I don't know if we have a third.
Is Max too athletic?
Yeah, Max is way too athletic.
So is WSD.
But that's the right shape.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
Yeah, you need a...
Maybe bring back dogs Just throw sass in there
Oh shit
Yeah we need a lot of stairs
I would like to see them dig around in goo for something
Chop down a tree.
Usually this is a coin flip for every event.
It's funny.
Whoever gets first gets to...
We might have to...
This isn't the real event.
This is the coin flip.
Yeah, yeah.
We do it for every...
To decide next event.
To decide the order for the next event.
Yeah, because I'm going to need to see a lot more.
We might have to take the Yak off-site.
Like, I want to build...
Yeah.
Take it to, like, the Cowboys Stadium.
Are they ever going to get up?
And these are professional slippery stairs plays.
Got it.
So imagine.
Oh, Green's going for it.
Imagine.
Green's going for it.
And we have to add.
Can we add sound effects in real time this time?
Like we have a doink, doink, doink button.
Is yellow going to get it?
Green's not having it.
Oh, yellow.
Push him down.
Yeah, just push.
Oh.
No.
Oh.
Blue. This will be the funniest thing ever. Oh, blue. Oh! Blue!
This would be the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, blue.
Come on, blue.
You have to get so tired, too.
Is the slippery just like lube?
I think so.
I think they're covered in it.
The stairs are probably slightly angled.
Oh, yeah.
Is this blue?
Come on, blue.
Come on, blue.
What's the...
Oh, I just read the comments.
The solo bobsled?
Is that skeleton?
No!
No!
No!
No!
Skeleton is the face first.
Face first luge.
Okay.
That would be good, too.
It's just a random white guy on a cowboy hat in the crowd.
I think Green does win because it says...
Where did that comment go?
Well, we're not even close.
Not me supporting Green from the start, LOL.
I feel so proud.
We should get these guys to commentate.
Yeah.
I just saw that.
That would be awesome, TJ. I'll just have Japanese guys commentate. Yeah. I just saw that. That would be awesome, TJ.
Just have Japanese guys commentate.
Don't even dub it.
Just leave it as is.
Do a Japanese episode.
I would just love having a Japanese guy interview Mincy.
I bet you he could naturally understand Japanese.
Yeah, his English is closer to Japanese.
There you go.
There we go.
What a saga.
Are they wearing neck rolls?
Oh, wow.
Like an Auburn linebacker from 1988.
What is this?
It's like an old school.
Is it a television program?
It was a television program that then became popular in America
because they dubbed over it.
MXC.
Yeah.
But I don't know if that's.
Right you are. Right you are, Ken.
You find another one?
They're the best.
Was that the precursor to Wipeout?
Yeah.
There's one with a big bowling ball that comes and keeps
knocking him down too.
Every time they had an Indian competitor, his name was
Baba Ganoush.
Here's Harry Coxix. Every time they had an Indian competitor, his name was Baba Ganoush. That's the captain, right?
Captain Tennille?
Yeah.
Yeah, this was a real show.
Yeah, Something Castle.
Oh!
And then Spike TV just brought the rest to it.
But they didn't make it as dangerous
The water is always like so filthy.
Yeah.
So they're just American guys voicing over what already happened.
And it was aired on cable television?
Yes.
That's funny.
That's good.
But Japan is doing this
seriously.
Very seriously, yeah.
Well, not...
Serious.
Are they laughing?
Yeah, they're laughing.
Yeah, right?
Do they laugh in Japan?
Yeah, quickly. Do they not in Japan? Yeah, quickly.
But I think they only laugh when they win a battle.
They tee-hee, don't they?
Japanese schoolgirls do.
Constantly.
Constantly.
But a Japanese salaryman just goes
from business,
internet cafe, back to work. But a Japanese salary man just goes No he's all about business Internet cafe
Back to work
Die in a bush somewhere
Or they fall asleep
That's why they just sleep in a bush
They can't make it home
Too drained of energy
Tale as old as time
You ever do that after PMT?
Like I can't make it home I gotta pull over in this bush Tale as old as time. Yeah. You ever do that after PMT? What?
Like, I can't make it home.
I got to pull over in this bush.
It's like a salary man.
Put catnip in the bush.
Just fall asleep, yeah.
They'll do, like, corpse sweeps at the beginning of the office day,
just if you died at your desk.
Yeah.
There'll always be, like, a... Yeah, there'll be, like, an intern at, like a uh intern at like merrill lynch yeah will die
every summer yeah their desk 100 hour weeks but their mindset is like fuck myself this is about
my country's economy that's my point that's my yeah that's my role in this i don't know i don't
know like a like a worker bee kind of thing?
I think it's more just like a pride, maybe.
Is it, yeah, like a national pride or like a family pride?
Personal pride?
I don't know.
Auto.
Yeah.
Couldn't be me.
I'll say that much.
Could not be me.
Pride?
No.
No, no, no.
Not for me. I punted that long ago. Pride before be me. I'll say that much. Could not be me. Pride? No. No, no, no. Not for me.
I punted that long ago.
Pride before the fall.
Nope.
Never get the pride.
Just the fall.
Just the fall.
I'm just thinking about these slippery stairs.
I want this day to happen real soon.
You think Jerry's going to do another hole in one thing?
Yeah.
I told him it has to be annual.
I remember we said that last time.
That will be right after New Year's.
Yeah.
So that will be the start of the calendar year.
After we did the pro day, we said that's going to be every year.
It's like, Jerry will do the hole-in-one, we'll do the pro day.
I like having things we can look forward to.
That was a good run.
Is the next one at a real course, or is he going to do this one again?
No, he's going to do this one again.
Real course would be pretty cool.
We had one, but it was...
I can't remember what fell through.
We should try a real course.
I think it'd be easier, but maybe I'm wrong.
A British YouTuber did it, and I think he could only shoot when the sun was up,
and it took him...
He slept twice, I think, and then he made his, like, first shot on the third day.
Oh, wow.
That's kind of like Jerry.
It was short, though.
It was like 100 yards.
Because Jerry did, he started on Tuesday, didn't sleep, slept Wednesday,
made it on Thursday.
Did you see that tweet I sent you, TJ?
That's a poor guy.
What? this poor guy what bad day to be a date
oh no
Mikey Betts
Mikey Betts
yeah let's just attack this guy too
yeah fuck him
professionally
hope he professionally does not sleep so good Let's just attack this guy, too. Yeah, fuck him. Professionally. Professionally.
Professionally. I hope he professionally does not sleep.
So good.
All right, should we do a wheel for the proper wild?
Oh, yeah.
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What?
L.
It's an L.
Fuck!
Here, hold this L, big cat.
You finish it.
We fucked up with that.
What?
Lowercase L is the same as an uppercase I.
Yeah.
What do you think we should have done?
Change the symbol. It's got 50.
All right, let's all bring a new lowercase L tomorrow, and we'll pick out which one will be the new
lowercase L.
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Yeah, do it right now.
New lowercase L.
You'll get one, Nick.
You think I'll get a new lowercase L?
Yeah.
Will you guys hop on board?
Yes.
Yeah.
You swear.
I mean, look at Illinois.
Confusing as fuck.
Three noise.
Illinois is fun to write in cursive though.
Fun.
Loopy, loopy, loopy.
Yeah.
We've talked about it.
What cursive words would be fun roller coasters?
Yeah, absolutely.
The word loop.
Absolutely.
Ooh.
Yeah.
But I don't know what you would do with these.
A, B, S, O, L, U, T, another L and a Y.
That would make me sick.
That's a good roller coaster.
Are all of you roller coaster guys?
No, I hate them.
Well, did I tell you about my idea?
No.
You guys?
Oh.
A roadside roller coaster?
Just one standalone roller coaster on the side of the freeway?
Why?
Love it.
For someone on a long road trip who wants to stop and just
ride a roller i would go off i would pull over every time i love that a long stretch of highway
like going through nebraska on i-80 yeah get a roll one roller coaster ride that would actually
it's like a train is like a train wait does it go is it oh it's a roller coaster it's just one
roller coaster that goes all the way across nebr No, no, no. You can stop and ride a roller coaster.
Got it, got it.
For a second there, I thought you invented a train.
Not the train.
Okay.
Not the train.
If the whole country were a roller coaster.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
What?
What are you guys making this into?
You're making it something that's almost unfathomable.
I just followed Dan.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I'm thinking now about a roller coaster that you could take from New York to L.A.
That would be cool.
Yeah.
That would be cool.
Every now and then you loop around.
That would be fucking cool.
Take forever.
That would be the worst mode of transport.
Fucking roller coaster.
Do you think you could survive it?
Like, could your body survive?
You would die.
You would all die.
Like, you're running late.
Plane tickets are too expensive expensive your car is out of gas
fucking coaster to work you can hairs all messed up loop-de-loops
it's a 10-minute commute that takes you 45 minutes
roller coaster as a mode of transport's funny. I like your idea, though, Kyle.
Just let some stress out.
Get a thrill.
The tired truckers.
Wake them up.
Yeah.
Make the trip.
It's so hard to ride a roller coaster.
You have to buy the tickets.
Wait in line.
It's a big endeavor.
Go through a whole theme park.
Wait in that line.
A one-off coaster.
It would be cool if it was even a roller coaster that you get off the highway and your car locks in and then you just don't need to go anywhere.
Oh, like a car wash.
Yeah.
What do you think about that?
No, I think you guys...
Oh, shit.
My bad.
Just keep it simple.
My bad.
Would you put it at a truck stop?
Get gas?
Where a truck stop would be.
Oh, but okay.
Okay.
Got it.
It has a mart, like if you want coffee.
You think there would be lot lizards at the roller coaster?
People who...
Loop ladies.
Suck up.
Suck and fuck, yeah.
Suck and fuck.
Suck and fuck.
Suck and fuck.
I don't know.
A quick suck and fuck.
Yeah.
It's a quick one.
I'm into that.
Is that something you'd be interested in?
Show me corn.
Suck and fuck.
I want to see corn.
Yeah, we haven't gotten...
I'm a bitch.
Try.
Damn.
One of these days.
Try, try, try.
Dude, that's going to suck.
Quarter Jameer Kawhi isai is gonna suck i've still debate like every time we spin the wheel what
i would choose corn corn definitely so obviously jamiroquai how much time now you have a year
you have to eat corn until your shit's 100 corn or you have a year to eat jamiroquai it's gonna
like swallowing crumb-sized plastic isn't like...
Tiny pieces. We do that anyway.
At least I do.
And it would be funny to post the progress.
I don't know. Once you get inside...
How long is corn for a week?
Until your shit's 100% corn.
It could be like two days, three days.
It's just gotta be...
Just like... Nothing but corn. You sit down on three days. It's just got to be corn. Just like nothing but corn.
Yeah, you just sit down on the toilet and it's just...
Is that how it's going to happen?
That might take more than three days.
I'm picturing like logs of just corn.
No, I think it would just...
Just like a cob?
I think it would...
No, it's like a pellet gun.
Yeah, no, it's like the candy shop when you hit the, you know,
it's like a big tunnel of Reese's Pieces and you spin it and it drops out.
Right, right.
That's just corn.
Yeah.
Out of your ass.
That metaphor threw me for a loop.
What are you talking about?
No, I know exactly what you're talking about.
The tunnel of Reese's.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
The big tube.
Oh, the tube.
Yeah, yeah.
The tunnel was the wrong word.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Tubes, M&Ms, and sprinkles.
So you guys are talking shitless corn.
Yeah.
No brown.
It's just corn.
That would never happen.
I think it would.
It has to be.
We're going to find out.
I think it would.
You'd have to swallow the corn.
You couldn't do it.
Now I want to do this.
Yeah, let's just do it.
Dude, when you eat like way too much corn, it's pretty quick.
It's very corny.
But it's always nestled on poop.
Right, but then you only eat corn.
There would always be poop,
I think. No, I don't think so. All you had was corn.
There'd be poop. Corn and water.
There would have to be. There's just
automatically feces in your
system. Yeah, it's just corn. Unless you
have enough corn. It's corn. If you
fasted and then ate corn without chewing
it and unlocking... No, you could chew it.
Corn doesn't do anything.
Corn just stays corn.
Isn't the whole point to have whole corn kernels coming out of your ass? Corn's indestructible.
Corn is corn.
Why don't they build the whole plane out of corn?
Seriously.
Corn can't be beat.
It just seems too good to be true.
Now I think it's going to be corn.
I have more of a curiosity with corn.
I understand how the Jamiroquai, I would go about tackling that.
But like in six months, if you're tweeting that, you're like at his thighs.
Yeah.
That's pretty funny.
That's pretty funny.
It's a long game.
Yeah.
I would probably pop his head off and swallow it and just see what happens.
I would start there.
Someday we're going to get it.
Just fucking dive in.
Someday we're going to find out find out yeah but i want to know now
i really want to know now i want somebody to do it should we all should we spin the wheel of all
of our names it's all corn and one jamiroquai no i think you get to still decide but do you
want to do do you want to just spin right now to see who has to do it i mean it's going to happen
anyway it's on the wheel guys this is a tough endeavor
you're jumping the wheel
let's get a test dummy
let's do a wheel with your name and then we'll do a secondary wheel
all corns one jamiroquai
I don't want to eat jamiroquai
well then hopefully it doesn't land on it
I'm down to eat the corn
I think we do it
maybe we should have teams right now
corn guys and jamiroquai guys
so then we find out.
This is a one-man endeavor.
This is a one-man job.
No, he's just saying you can opt in to corn.
You have to decide before we spin the wheel.
You have to register with Selective Service right now.
Corn or Jamiroquai?
But there's only one Jamiroquai.
We can get another Jamiroquai.
No, but there's only going to be one person doing it.
Okay.
So you say corn or Jamiroquai.
But we were all doing it.
No, no.
You say corn or Jamiroquai. No, no. You say corn or
jamiroquai and then we
spin it.
I don't want to shit
just corn.
Okay.
So why don't we just
pick two people from
the show and one does
corn and one does
jamiroquai.
It's on the wheel.
Why don't we wait
until the wheel.
We're getting down to
it.
Because like why don't
we just get it off the
wheel.
Yeah.
All right.
You just have to eat
nothing but corn for
two days and see if it
works.
Who's a corn person?
I mean, I would be curious. Jamiroquai. All right. So just have to eat nothing but corn for two days and see if it works. Who's a corn person? I mean, everybody would be curious.
I would be a corn evergemiric.
Why?
All right, so we're all corn.
So let's just see who has to eat corn for the rest of the week.
I don't want to eat corn for the rest of the week.
You have to eat corn for the rest of the week.
Are we all opting into this?
Yes.
Oh, we're going to a nice dinner tonight.
We have dinner forecasts.
We're going to a really nice dinner.
Does it have to start now?
What if it lands on us and we just have to order
our shit to a corner?
I'm eating tonight.
Eat tonight, but corn starts tomorrow.
I don't think he would.
I'm just being honest.
Well, then Brandon will be Jamiroquai.
Can we get the real Jamiroquai?
Elimination?
Yeah.
It's an elimination endeavor, right?
I just want to know.
Corn poop is?
Are you going can or off the cob? Why don't you just do it?
I think I do cob.
Because I want to know the answer.
I don't want to be the one that's the subject.
Correct.
I would rather know the answer, but I'm willing to do it.
Do we want progress report?
Every time you shit, take a picture?
Yeah.
No.
So you can see the-
I don't know about that. I think it just has to be- I'm fine with the final picture. Is this good enough? shit, take a picture? Yeah. No. So you can see the... I don't know about that.
I think it just has to be...
I'm fine with the final picture.
Is this good enough?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So this is someone's going to eat...
There's a lemonade or someone's going to eat corn for the rest of the week.
Yeah.
And then we're taking it off the wheel.
Yeah.
Yes.
You take it off the wheel right now.
Fuck.
Fuck, it's always me.
It's always me. See? It's always me. It's always me.
See?
It's always me.
Brandon.
I always have to hit the corner.
I'm good.
I always have to hit the corner.
I've already been eliminated, so we're doing this.
I don't really want Kate on this.
I mean, she poops.
New texting coming, fellas.
She poops.
Nah.
I do.
Nah.
Yeah, it's bad.
I don't think so.
Kate's on the wheel.
There we go. Yeah, it's bad. I don't think so. Kate's on the wheel. There we go.
Ah, there we go.
The wheel is just as misogynistic as we are.
Don't want to see that shit.
I am curious.
Not about me, but I'm excited.
Kate would be the funniest.
Regretted a little bit.
Yeah, I'm starting to regret this, but I'm going to do it for the team.
Yeah, it's always me.
Fucking always me.
I'm always going to let you eat the corn.
Every time we do the corn wheel, it's me.
That is true.
Fuck.
Oh, no.
Titus is coming down.
And I don't even think you can get, like street corn because that would add something. You could probably add butter and salt.
Is there enough nutrients in just corn to- are you going to get scurvy?
Oh no, Che.
Oh, Che would be good because he would do it.
Che will do it.
Fuck you!
Alright, first to four.
First to four.
And a sweep, of course, is corn the long way.
Corn the long way.
Corn up your ass.
What is a sweep?
Before we spin, what's a sweep?
Corn up your ass.
Is it a corn up your ass?
I don't know.
Or is it just a...
Is cheating allowed?
No, if this lands on me, I'm eating corn until at least Friday.
I think a sweep is you still have to do the corn, but you also have to pee yourself right now.
A sweep is also Jamiroquai.
Yeah, I don't know how you cheat.
How would one cheat?
No idea.
Pour corn into their ass with corn?
What?
I think I would just put corn in the toilet and be like, I did it.
Yeah, that would be cheating.
Yeah, that would be cheating.
That would be cheating.
I assume that's what everybody was going to do.
No, I'm going to eat corn.
I don't want to, but I'm going to.
Good.
Probably both of us lose weight.
Yeah, we probably will.
All right, it's one for Piquet.
What if we just invent a diet?
The corn diet?
Corn diet.
I think you just invented Iowa.
Yeah.
I think this has been thought of before by somebody.
Uh-oh, Che.
That's two for Big Cat.
Somebody said popcorn, question mark?
No.
No.
What?
No popcorn?
Your chip would be corn.
No, it's got to be corn.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Corn up your ass. Corn up your ass, Che! Corn up your ass.
Corn up your ass, Che.
Corn up your ass.
You can do one kernel, but you have to keep it there all day.
You have to put some corn up your ass.
Shit.
Ah, 3-1.
No corn up your ass.
I think I'm gonna lose this.
No, you're fine.
No, don't say that.
I like corn.
I can do it.
I'm just thinking about like I...
Uh-oh. You're fine. No, don't say that. I like corn. I can do it. I'm just thinking about, like, I...
Uh-oh.
Because it's my kids out to pizza tonight,
and they're just going to be like,
why aren't you eating?
Brandon said you could start tomorrow.
I'm going to have it in a flask.
I would want to get it done with.
It doesn't...
There it is.
Yes, Shay!
Two days of corn, baby.
This is perfect.
Corn till Friday.
That's fine. I might have to start tomorrow
but I'll do it for sure alright we know you will
I'm gonna send poops every time
no no
I opt in but I want
when you think your final corn shit I don't want
any funny business video of you in the
bathroom pointed at the toilet
no corn in the toilet show the
bathroom no corn you sit down
shit stand up corn.
Like, I don't want it.
It's going to be you.
We'll do it like a drug test.
Someone will have to be in there with you.
Take a video of me shitting.
We'll pat you down before.
What the fuck are we doing?
This is awesome.
It's just an experiment.
Corn in the museum. Perfect for Nebraska.
We're a science show now.
This is a big time science show.
Yeah, the final shit should be
in the Will Compton museum. Yeah, Will Compton bathroom.
Friday afternoon. Over the next month
we're counting his ejaculations
and waiting for the shit.
This man, we're just
doing science. Science has not been able to figure him out
yet, Brandon. Nothing leaves
his body without a shit.
If my poop becomes mainly corn before Science has not been able to figure him out yet, Brandon. Nothing leaves his body without a poop. Well, actually, here's a question.
If my poop becomes mainly corn before Friday, I finish.
Yes. Yes.
Okay.
I might finish this in 36 hours.
Yes.
Okay.
We're rooting for you.
All right.
All right.
All right.
We'll see you everyone tomorrow.
Yep.
Have fun, Jay. All right. We'll see you everyone tomorrow. Yep. Have fun, Chad.
Exciting.
Exciting. We'll be right back. We're going to go play some NCAA games.
Come over to Mostly Sports.
Love you guys so much.
Bye.