The Yak - The Bart Army Has Infiltrated Our Show | The Yak 11-16-23
Episode Date: November 16, 2023BARTYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
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You want me to go get it?
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Welcome in to the number one daily YouTube show for Kyle's.
Oh, my God.
I didn't think about that.
We've never had two Kyles on the show.
We've got to get Kyle Cam.
We've got to get both of them.
Switch it up.
Nope.
No, that's a marker.
That ain't Kyle.
There it is.
There it is.
Kyle, are you flexing?
Two Kyles.
No, I'm just wearing the same medium shirt under this large.
Wait, yeah?
Does that work?
Oh, nice.
Pretty cool.
Thank you.
Two Kyles.
Just don't get two Kyles together very often.
I'm tweeting out the links.
No, they're two alphas.
It's like having two betta fish in the same tank.
That's true.
Which is ironic.
We have a betta fish in our house now, and I'm always like,
Kate, why can't I have a friend?
And she's like, well, it'll just kill it.
Right.
Right.
Betta fish are alpha, which is what a crazy way.
What is a betta fish?
Kyle Cam. I love it. Oh crazy way. What is a Betafish? Kyle Cam.
I love it.
Oh, yeah.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
We're fucking twisted here with Kyle Cam.
Wait, are we allowed to do this?
I don't know.
This might be the most Kyle's ever on a show together at the same time.
We're definitely at Kyle-pacity.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
We got to find one more Kyle.
Get a hat trick of Kyle's.
I don't know what would happen.
Kyle.
You guys are like.
Run it with them.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, football player.
Kyle.
Same team.
Same team.
Look at this.
Did you wrestle in high school?
He was way above the.
I wrestled with.
The limit.
A lot of things, but not other men.
Got it.
That fist bump.
I didn't like the way you said other men.
Did you say that? That was always the cool it. That fist bump. I didn't like the way you said other men. Did you say that?
That was always the cool guy comeback on wrestling.
I don't roll around in tights.
I would have got my ass kicked by wrestling.
No, you wouldn't.
But it's good to have both Kyle's.
We got Will here.
Will, fresh off his can you wear a golf polo controversy.
Brutal.
Look at this. Look at this fleece it improved your posture well was that the first big like barstool controversy you were in that was
like real like a little bit of real animosity yeah i guess so yeah yeah yeah because my angle
wasn't necessarily uh who can wear a golf polo and who can't it was more of like riggs is you know riggs
is like a he comes off as a very insecure asshole so and but so there's and right for it when all
that get out of here get out of here nick you can't be seen with him that's your boy nick oh
that's his number one boy you're his boy that's his fucking man yeah uh well i was gonna say i thought we were off dude
no but uh because when you're listening to it all when you're listening to it all unfold
there are a lot of different conversations going on and all i know is how i approached rigs in
april with the text messages that i've obviously put out there on the internet now
and did that video where i had to you you know, put the leash on the little pup.
But then when it comes back around, I hear Frankie talking about it on Barstool Radio.
I felt like Frankie was talking with some undertone with referring to bussing.
Never talk with an undertone.
Yeah, PMT.
To where I'm sitting there thinking, like, I've never had an exchange with Frankie over this.
The only way he would know is if he's hearing it from Riggs.
And I know how he responded to me.
So I grabbed that video that the Barstow radio tagged me in and put it up
and said,
I can confidently say that Riggs wants zero collaboration.
He's not a collaborative person based on him being a bitch in the text
reply to me and then he ratioed you then he ratioed me into oblivion which good on him that's
that's the game you entered to the game that's the game hats off to him tip of the cap he ratioed me
being like you know you wanted me to fake beef the way he framed it was you wanted me to fake
beef to push bus and merch and And I thought it was lame.
And I still think it's incredibly lame, like doing the whole head pat on me, which good on him.
That was a great ratio.
But that just shows that that moment we had in April.
Now that it's public and now you're being an asshole in public.
Now we get to take you to the octagon.
We get to walk you into the pan.
You're going to make it physical? And now that'd be funny. The octagon.'re gonna take it make it physical and now that'd be the octagon yeah yeah now welcome
to my world so bring him into the octagon and then you get to kind of talk about it because
i'm not just gonna air out his shit like when he had you know when he was being the way he was
talking about i come from the dayport noise school of brick by brick like yeah when taylor and i were
with each other like yo this dude's a fucking loser with that response and it was like hey all good we respect what you've built and then when you see
it all going down on barcelona radio and then the conversation that we ended up having with each
other on barcelona radio you just see all of these which i was called i was speaking to it a little
bit in that uh pantry video you feel all like there are some divisive things and i definitely
feel like foreplay is one of those brands that it's like that because you just listen to Riggs talk and he feels some entitlement this is why I feel like
he's insecure he feels some entitlement because he helped build a good golf brand in the barstool
world he was first into a market but he's as replaceable as anybody and it's like you want
to protect it so badly which is not the best look company-wise
because yeah we're not all we're all we all have a healthy competition but we're still all trying
to push the barstool logo in the right direction if you're coming off this way that to me is you're
only standing in your own way because you think somebody's coming after your spot which nobody is
you guys do good part of my take you guys do golf stuff and it is good spitting jiggles they kill it into the
whole sandbagger and i'm sure that made them feel some type of way but at the end of the day you
either adapt or die in the media world i know that's a bar still saying too but it's like you've
got to do that like as this business grows now the real, the most important question, was that a real fart at the end of your video?
Yes, that is a real fart.
That was a real fart?
That is a real fart that came out of my asshole.
For this entire controversy, I was like,
the only question I really needed an answer to was,
was that a real fart?
Yeah.
That was your fart?
That was my fart.
I know what happened.
Did you guys see the end of this video?
I played that game.
I saw the end of the video.
You want me to bring the OG video up?
Is it you?
I'll bring the OG.
I know.
That was real?
Is that when you were under the covers?
In Hawaii, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that part.
I was like, hey, come in here.
Find the OG video, TJ.
That fart was...
I remember that fart.
That was a real fart?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That sounds like a...
All this drama going back and forth yesterday. I'm just sitting there like, was it a real fart? I remember the fart what I'm saying. That sounds like a – All this drama going back and forth yesterday.
I'm just sitting there like, was it a real fart?
I remembered the fart.
I think it sounds like a fart sound effect.
That was Will's Hawaii fart.
It sounds like a fart sound effect.
On the undertone with the branding going back,
like people kind of coming on their turf and everything else, right?
We're talking about farts now.
Yeah, okay.
We'll talk about farts now.
But I'm going to –
It's going to be a great day.
Will. That's not – talk about farts now but i'm gonna it's gonna be a great day yeah you're playing the ass like a slide whistle bouncing like ben harter yeah you were doing that hands free
send me the original i'll send it to TJ. I'll go, too.
Or if you have TJ's number, send it to me.
Will, that was cute, but you're wrong.
Counterpoint.
Is my off on Riggs?
Is he not a –
Riggs and I right now are plotting your downfall.
Oh.
I found a picture of you in a Redskins jersey.
Oh.
Oh.
Good luck.
You're done.
I think you're both canceled.
Will, I saw this coming for about since Scottsdale.
You guys got into a little tiff at the restaurant.
With Riggs?
Oh, yeah.
You remember that, Brandon?
Yeah.
Was that over this?
They were lighting up the table that night.
What were Riggs and I talking about?
I don't even remember.
Something about golf.
Yeah.
And I could see in your eyes.
Something about how easy it was?
Yeah, maybe.
What was the argument?
Forget it.
I could hear Will saying something like, it's easy to break 80.
Because Riggs was in the middle.
Something crazy.
Riggs was in the middle.
Compton was on the middle.
Oh, I know what it was.
Riggs didn't win the mini golf tournament.
And you told him, that's crazy that you can't win being the golf guy.
Not even a full version of what you do.
He took it very seriously.
And he got real mad.
Right, right.
And you got mad back.
Yeah, that was more like jabs because I was out at the Barstow Classic in Austin
the year before that.
And that was my second time being around him.
So, you know, I'm thinking we're bantering, whatever.
But once we had that exchange and that's what he responded to me with,
it's kind of like, all right, kind of see like who you are in this world and i'll just continue to hang really hate him well listen no i don't i think i you identify when somebody's an
asshole and you're just thinking i know i'm giving effort here to talk about something if you feel
some type of way about it fine but then when he did the whole he doubled down on the internet
it's like okay well now it's public two things could be true one right riggs riggs response was asshole-ish two riggs doesn't have
to promote anyone else's merch exactly like that's not it's not his job yeah so i him saying
no to promoting your merch i i have no problem with that yes i i agree to me the problem how
he said no though then what was a little aggressive when i read it i was like i'm not even in on the situation by the way and i was like
holy fuck that's that's yeah to me crazy yeah because language to big cat's point to bc's
point yeah like he that's absolutely right you can run it however you want to run it but to me
you're just showing the type of person you are and it's going to come to light eventually and
to me i'm thinking like this is a moment to where hey he's he's defending and talking about i want to protect
the brand you're right about that but you're also exposing yourself in the meantime because now
we get to be public about it yeah like i care more about getting to make the content like doing the
walk that was like okay jerry jersey jerry was like hey last week when i was here he's like hey
will you haven't done a you haven't walked anybody to the pantry and i was like, hey, last week when I was here, he's like, hey, Will, you haven't walked in by the pantry in a while.
I was like, I know, man.
I need to find the right moment.
Then when that came, it was like.
One thing is true.
Like, Will does rip everyone off.
Everybody.
That's a fact.
That is a.
He rips everyone off.
That's a phone call fact.
So you can't be upset about it.
Yeah.
That's just what he does.
Yes.
That's his thing where it started.
But then if we started ripping people off, we'd be stealing Will's thing.
We'd be ripping off Will.
Right.
Exactly.
And nobody can do it.
You were the first one.
You better not do it.
Yeah, you are the best.
You better not do it.
I don't know who I need to call to make sure that-
I would never.
That doesn't happen.
Well, imagine if someone texted Will and was like, hey, we're thinking about ripping someone
off.
He's like, I'm sorry, dude.
That's my thing.
Can't support you.
Will, do you care if we-
Hey, Will, I just want to run this by you.
I'm going to review pizza.
Nah, man, that's my thing.
Nah, man, I'm doing that.
When I see people do food reviews,
I'm like, man, this will just get chalked up
as somebody taking something from Dave,
like just reviewing food, right?
Yeah.
Listen, you should get a cottage.
You should get Will's Cottage.
Start having people there right on the golf course.
I think it's a good idea.
Yeah.
Answer me this, BC.
Did you guys have any, was there any friction between part of my take and the foreplay boys
when you guys were doing your golf stuff?
I don't, so I'm not the golfer in the group.
So I kind of like go along for whatever, like you got to go film this. So I don't do like i'm not the golfer in the group so i kind of like go along for whatever
like you got to go film this so i don't do like the planning of the golf videos uh i think there
was probably some friction i just scuttlebutt yeah i mean there was one time when i think
hank did a video and then they named it uh like breaking 100 like that was like we shouldn't
have done that but like why can't we play golf? Of course we can play golf.
Yeah.
We should get to breaking 99.
We're just making videos.
Like, people like to watch us do stupid shit.
We're going to keep doing stupid shit no matter what it is.
So if we're going to make golf videos, we have a right to make golf videos.
And those guys are good players, and they're playing with real guys at real courses.
Yeah.
So, I mean, if you get guys like Will and whoever you would deem acceptable for your force,
it's not going to be the same brand, the same style of videos.
I mean, people are going to be looking at different stuff, right?
Yeah.
I mean, especially, too, with, like, the golf content,
if you're actually, like, being objective about it,
people are watching the golf content because of who is participating,
the banter, and the casual golfer just likes watching people golf.
And if you're, to their point, point like if we want to do a hockey podcast or football one it's like when you're in those worlds people are actively seeking out the personalities to consume their
content with versus just watching like a game being played if that even well well and there
was the one thing frankie said that i disagree with he's like if anyone else any other brand
had to deal with this like dude we, we literally hired Bussin' with
the boys. They copied everything
about us. Yeah. We hired him.
We brought him in and gave him the entire
playbook. Competition is good for everyone.
Like there should be no, you know,
discouragement of competition. Can I
try harder, work better? If
you think that you're falling behind,
the move is not to box someone out. I'm not saying
they box anyone out. The move is not to box someone out. I'm not saying they box anyone out.
The move is not to box people out.
It's to get better and make yourself better.
Can I suggest something?
What if we as a company, crazy idea, just try to stick with me.
What if we made our competition people outside of the company? It's impossible.
What if Four Play's mindset was like,
we want to crush every golf podcast outside of Barstool's world
instead of looking inward.
Shout out, Mintzy.
Instead of looking inward and trying to attack anybody that tries to do golf.
Well, here's the problem.
So that's where, to me, he wants to be known so badly as the guy who built the golf brand
that that is where stuff starts to happen.
He did. I know
he did, but if he was confident
in knowing that, he wouldn't be
the person he is.
If you started being funny, me and
Kyle would be stoked. We'd be like, let's work with Will.
Yeah, right.
Let's gossip a bit.
He doesn't just have to laugh at all of our jokes
all the time. He can partake in these.
Sorry.
Well, we don't want to.
You guys talked about it for a while yesterday, so we can change topics.
Are we done?
Can I move back?
Yeah, you can move back.
I didn't want to be in any clips.
Feng Shui was off.
Yeah, that's true.
That was actually really smart to stay out of those clips.
For you.
Going forward.
Do you have the original fart video, TJ?
Did you send it to me?
No, no.
I got off track.
Let's talk about Kyle's.
Both of them?
Two of them.
Do you think we have the two best?
I was about to ask.
Kyle's?
If we found any two random Kyle's, our two Kyle's could beat their ass.
Our cumulative bench press.
I'm just running through a couple Kyle's, making sure that we don't forget anybody.
Yeah.
Kyle Turley?
There's some. We got Kyle Turley. There's some.
We got Kyle Turley.
Okay.
All right.
Nice, nice, nice.
Kyle is a pretty alpha name, so there could be.
Kyle.
When was the first Kyle?
When did Kyle start being a name?
Kyle Williams was a D tackle I played against.
He's probably still a beast.
He's a Louisiana guy.
But you don't know that, though.
Yeah, but you also have, like.
You remember Kyle Williams?
I know.
You go high, Kyle goes low.
Yeah, that's good.
Kyle.
I think we're onto something.
Kyle.
Does Chris Kyle count?
Kyle Rudolph?
23 to 40.
Kyle Rudolph's the man.
I love Kyle Rudolph.
You guys could take Kyle Rudolph.
Nice guy.
There were some Kyles all over the main school.
He's a longtime story.
Kyle.
Eddie Kyle.
Kyle.
Most famous Kyles. Well, I wish you just – the internet exists. We could just look at that. Kyle. Any Kyle. Kyle. Most famous Kyles.
Well, I wish you just,
the internet exists.
We could just look at that.
I guess we could.
Yeah, I think we could.
I really think we could.
Oh, yeah.
Who is it?
Kyle Bowler, you just said?
Kyle Bush.
Bush is the most famous.
Kyle Bush, Kyle Bowler.
We're missing a Kyle.
We've got to be missing a Kyle.
Yeah, yeah.
Kyle, right?
Ravens quarterback?
Are there any actors named Kyle?
Kyle Lowry?
Kyle Lowry, no problem.
He just flopped.
Are there?
Nephew Kyle?
Kyle Chandler.
You can whip his ass.
No problem.
I think if you pick two random Kyles of any of these Kyles,
you guys could take them.
Kyle Bush, no problem.
Kyle Lowry, that's tough.
Badass.
These basketball players, they're bigger than you think.
Oh, there's a hockey player.
Kyle Turris.
I could be in trouble there.
Oh, Kyle Snyder.
Oh, no, if we went double hockey player.
Akpaso.
You got Akpaso?
Akpaso?
You got him?
No.
Korver you could take.
No problem.
Kyle Moody, very funny.
I love Kyle Moody.
Kyle Korver is a beast.
He does some shit behind the scenes.
Oh, we forgot Kyle Orton.
That's crazy. Kyle Orton is a monster. He does some shit behind the scenes. Oh, we forgot Kyle Orton. That's crazy.
Kyle Orton is a monster.
Kyle Schwarber.
Kyle Schwarber, also a monster.
I don't think the name Kyle has done that great in famous circles.
No, this is exactly where they should be.
Really?
Yeah.
I would have expected.
Oh, hey, 21.
Oh, nice.
All right, let's keep going until we get Bauer.
Let's get it.
Kyle Orton.
I follow Kyle Orton on Instagram.
He has a private account, and he has like 300 followers.
He just posts the big fish that he catches every week.
That's awesome.
Really?
Is it the same fish?
No.
Oh.
He's catching awesome fish.
That poor fish.
Kyle Hendricks, the professor.
There's Kyle Bowler.
Kyle Bowler.
Kyle Farnsworth.
That guy is the best.
He wears skinny jeans out there.
He's like a fitness guy now, like a strongman guy.
Oh, Vandenbosch.
Oh, Vandenbosch might be a problem.
That's a problem.
I sent it.
What'd you send?
To TJ?
Fart video.
I think we're good, though.
I think we're good on the list.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Are we only talking in physical terms of fights or games of mental intellect?
Here's the original fart video.
But, come here,
I want to tell you something really quick.
Shh. It's laughing back
That's so good
Dude
Sounds like you're unzipping a skeet
I thought you were kidding
How proud were you of yourself in that moment?
Yo, I was
You can sell that
You were literally gassed up
Yeah
That is
That sounds like the splice app sound effect
Fart number two, squeaky.
Wait a minute.
Play that.
One of my boys.
I always use this one.
You use sound effect too squeaky?
Yeah.
Squeaky.
One of my boys back home, I used to send him fart videos, but I was like, bro, you have
to hear this one.
I was like, this is the greatest one of my life.
Max said he's got a Snapchat group, Only Farts, him and his boys.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
It's pretty good.
Wait, so was that a wake up first of the morning fart?
Yeah.
That's those.
Those are good.
That was a beer fart.
Yeah.
That was a beer fart.
Were you boozing the night before?
Yeah.
You're like a balloon.
When you wake up.
Yeah.
It's like ready to go.
It was nice.
If Kyle ousted you because he recognized that pre-recorded fart.
I thought it was for sure from this app, man.
Oh, man. that would be terrible.
With some respect on my name.
After-date farts were the best farts.
If you hold it in for like three hours.
Get your jeans off.
No.
That guy's good.
Yours is better.
You should sell that fart.
That thing's real.
Oh, my God.
That's all Will.
Make sure I get the IP on that fart.
Yeah, you do you gotta
can you nft a fart oh our nfts yeah are they dead not anymore what more they're back did you
oh the file you you got into nfts for a second right i don't know i think i just made fun of
them onto it i never really understood them okay all right so i i because you do have i wouldn't
have been surprised if you got a little bit into him.
Yeah.
Cause I'm part of that train of thought.
Yeah.
Cutting edge tech gamers,
losers.
Yeah.
Gullible.
Gullible.
Yeah.
I was like easily sold with a bill of goods.
Yeah.
Money to blow.
An idiot.
Yeah.
Man.
NFTs.
That was a wild ride.
Are there still some probably really sad people who are holding on to theirs being like.
I still get weird spam on Twitter.
That's not a ride everybody took, but the guys who did take the ride really took that ride.
And it was like so apparent.
It's like, hey, the country shut down.
COVID, no one's working.
And now we have like this digital art thing that people are going to get rich off of.
Maybe that picture of Kyle Kuzma isn't going to get rich off of maybe that picture of kyle
kuzma isn't gonna something doesn't add up yeah right you're buying basketball packs right i was
shot you weren't were you spider you have top shot yeah got a few top shot there it is i have i was
gifted a couple they were looking for people to kind of be get the ball rolling right their group
and i was like into it i got a couple of my homes moments and i was like i'm a millionaire now who
made money off that there's got to be someone i think i forgot my
password i like that yeah ones with like the what is it the apes the yacht club yeah or the board
apes that was the moment when i i was walking down the street in new york city in like 2021 or
2032 and some guy was like big cat i just fucking sold three of my four board apes made three hundred
thousand dollars like you got to get in on this.
I was like, this is a problem.
There's no way.
Didn't the ape people tear up everybody's eyes a couple weeks ago?
Do what?
They had an ape convention or something in Hong Kong,
and they had a concert screen,
and everybody who was in the first or second row had to go to the ER because
it burned their eyes out.
Yeah, the screen was too bright.
It burned their eyes out, yeah.
Holy fuck.
Because the apes? The apes burned their eyes out, yeah. Someone made a lot of money, yeah. What? It burned their eyes out. Yeah, the screen was too bright. It burned their eyes out, yeah. Holy fuck. Because the apes?
The apes burned their eyes out, yeah.
Someone made a lot of money, though.
I think it was just a money laundering thing.
Right.
Someone made a shitload of money.
Someone had to have made a lot of money.
Severe eye burn.
Yeah, the apes.
Oh, man.
This is a tough one to tell your family.
Yeah.
Or the ER.
Why can't you see?
Well, I was at a bored ape convention.
Where was this convention?
You got injured by a virtual ape.
I got front row seats.
I believe it was in Hong Kong.
Yeah, because you know also if you explain that to someone older,
they're like, ape ripped your eyes out?
You're like, no.
That's what I thought when he said it.
I did too.
Yeah, you got injured by a picture.
A picture took you down.
I'd like to get ahead of something similar to that.
I think video is going to come out.
I ran into the door today.
Oh, do we have the video?
I think they're pulling it.
I heard it.
Yeah.
So when I walked in this morning, the glass door was open.
I walked right in.
I had to go get something out of my Jeep.
Two minutes later, I went back out.
The door was closed.
It's very shiny, very
clear glass. Well, there's handles on it.
I walked into it like a bird. I walked dead
into it. I'm surprised. TJ, we've got to find
this footage. You were gawking at the Hooters girls.
No, this was way earlier. It was like 9 o'clock.
They weren't here. That's what I heard.
About to get sauce on your fingers.
They weren't here, and I just walked right in.
I'm surprised it didn't shatter. I hit it very hard.
How'd you know they weren't here if you weren't looking for them?
Because I didn't see them.
Because you were looking for them.
How did you know if you saw them or not?
They don't get here until like 1135 every time we do this show,
so this was at like 9 o'clock.
No, this was like 8 o'clock.
Brandon did the thing that when you have the girl that you have a crush on
and you walk by her and you're like, I want to say something,
and you turn around right away.
Yeah.
Like, oh, I forgot something this way.
That's how I got my wife.
And you just walked right back in the door looking for the Hooters girls?
Driving past my future wife's house like every day.
Really?
Finally worked, yeah.
Stalker.
Yeah, huh?
No, walker.
I made her a walker.
Yeah.
It's not a stalker if you married her.
Correct, yeah.
Right.
That's what got me off.
You were in like the persistence camp?
No, no.
There was a couple times where we dated for dated for a while we had a good time we just had our 17th anniversary
wow kids now one of them's tommy y'all want to know what time he's doing yeah this was that was
a really that was like a stand-up wait he's trying he's trying to get past something that was funny
17 years four kids want to know what one of them is doing?
Yeah.
Here's what he's doing.
He's good at Fortnite, too.
What is he doing?
What he's doing.
Right now, I don't know.
He's been sleeping.
He's been getting up early.
He gets up at like 5 o'clock.
Are you doing a stand-up set right now?
I'm actually just talking.
It's trying to be funny.
Any of you guys have kids?
Yeah.
And also, out in the audience, you've got kids.
How old are your kids?
I'm saying sentences.
What's your kid's name?
Sentences are coming out of my face right now.
No, but the cadence you're using
is very stand-up-y.
It's like Stavros.
The kids have been waking up early. It's crazy.
You're being alarmingly charismatic.
That's what it is.
What's wrong with you?
It's the Hooters girls in the office.
Why, you think they're watching?
Did you get concussed?
No, I didn't. I did hit that door really hard.
Anyway, that video's coming out. I don't know what it's going to look like. It's didn't. I did hit that door really hard. Anyway, that video is coming out.
I don't know what it's going to look like.
It's going to look like you hitting a door really hard.
It's going to look exactly like that.
What are they doing to it?
I hit it face first.
No, they're pulling the security footage to see.
Were you at least looking at your phone?
No, I saw it.
You were looking straight ahead.
I looked dead at the door.
I walked straight into it.
We need this.
I walked straight into it.
TJ, are you on it?
There was a yes.
All right, thank you. The security guard saw it. He need this. I walked straight into it. TJ, are you on it? There was a, yeah. All right, thank you.
The security guard saw it.
He heard it.
He wasn't looking.
And then Joe, Joe who's in ads, Joe saw it.
Yeah.
And she said, I didn't know she saw it.
She came up to me later and said, I saw what you did this morning.
And did you put tape on the door now?
They put tape on the door so nobody else would do it.
Oh, my God.
You ruined it for the rest of us.
Yeah.
I saved you.
I mean, it was.
There is a very clear handle on the door.
If you're only looking straight ahead, your eyes aren't looking at the handle.
It's like that Boise State field, just killing all those birds.
Yeah.
I think it's a pond.
It looks like water, dude.
Yeah, but they don't have lines and yardage markers on the water, you know?
Birds don't know that.
Dumb birds.
Birds don't know that.
Dumb.
I'm not calling you dumb. Go with your i only had a tight one i i don't i don't have another stand-up set i
was just talking about my kids tommy who else has a tight one speaking of a tight one talk to me
brother yes i know let's circle back oh it's been years all right my part of the show's done let's move on i just hasn't had a
moment yet there's no such thing as tight pussy i'll say it i've never felt one that was tight
come on join me boys you ever feel when that was tight
not in a while steven's got to run. What is Steven doing? He's listening back.
Oh, we should put Brandon's. Kyle, what happened to our burritos?
You guys got burritos?
Let me check my phone.
I can geotrack them.
Geotracking burritos?
Yeah, dude.
Got an Apple tag.
Geotrackers are cool.
Yeah, go run.
Quigs, if you're watching this, can you get Brandon's tight one
and maybe put a laugh track over it?
Delivered.
They are delivered.
I'd like to see that.
I just thought i was talking no the way you were talking it was very interesting all right sorry sorry for being interesting no i liked it i want you to do more married 17 years
got a couple kids yeah you know what my kid's doing yeah tommy good kid no no tommy wise guy
oh that's good i was texting with one of my buddies from the Bengals this morning.
Me and Will were talking about our little Thursday night live stream tonight.
I texted our offensive tackle.
I said, let your nuts hang tonight.
He said, you already know 100.
So I'm big on the Bengals.
Okay, I was going to say, are we rolling Bengals?
Is that the nuclear?
Dan, don't roll Bengals.
What, Kyle? You know. What would he rolling Bengals? Is that the nuclear? Dan, don't roll Bengals. No, no, no. What, Kyle?
You know.
What would he have?
Ravens.
Why?
Well, Kyle's a town.
We think they're a better team.
He's the best team.
Better here.
We think they're much better than the Bengals.
We?
Don't we?
Yeah, we do.
We do.
You don't?
I think the Ravens are a better team.
I just, Joe Burrow scares me.
Yeah?
Ravens are a better football team.
Joe Burrow scares me.
They're both coming off a pretty bad loss.
Joe Burrow is Freddy Krueger.
Wait, what could your friend. Make sure he's dead. What could your friend responded that would make you not take the Bengals? football team they're both coming off a pretty bad loss joe burrow is freddie krueger wait what
what could your friend he's dead what could your friend responded that would make you not take the
bag kind of that was a leading question he could be like man tough game today how many nfl players
would do that in the morning of a game we really need this you know what i mean okay oh yeah we
really just gave me 100 not sure if i'm playing tonight yeah yeah
this guy was all all gas no brakes yeah that's true though we really need this is definitely
yeah yeah big game for us don't hear that yeah steven you ready bangles oh he's in shorts oh
he's in shorts he should have the fastest time oh he's in shorts ready set go the lotion he's
attacking it today, boys.
We're doing suicides. Yeah, he does it every day for no reason other than we get to laugh at him.
You'll notice how... He's got ashy knees.
He's got bricks in his shoes.
He stops. He beats up
the floor. You run like Pacheco,
dude.
He's going to love that. Yeah, he'll
flip that.
He's trying hard. Finish. Yeah, he'll flip that. Oh, he's trying hard.
He touches.
Finish, finish, finish, finish.
This is his best, right?
No.
Oh, I think we chipped him a little bit.
We did.
Is this a bit?
I can't say chipped.
What, that he's doing?
What did I say?
No.
No, he does it every day.
What he just did, that's real?
Yeah.
Every day.
That running form is real.
Every day.
29-50. I never know what you can say. Look at his that's real? Yeah. Every day. That running form is real. Every day. 29, 50.
I never know what you can say.
You want to see this?
Ready?
Watch.
Celebrate, Che.
You want to see him do the black power?
Yeah.
He does that for no reason.
That's your celebration.
Yeah, he does black power.
Well done, dude.
Good work, man.
Yes, Stephen, we've been making that joke for like three days.
Stephen, that was good.
So wait, you're...
Why are you so mad?
It's fine to do it.
The Black Power Fist.
Yeah.
Stephen has never and also can't comprehend fantasizing.
Oh, yeah.
He's never fantasized.
He's never imagined.
Explain that to me.
It's all right.
He doesn't understand fantasizing oh yeah he's never fantasized he's never imagined explain that it's all right he doesn't understand fantasizing he doesn't understand uh learning information from like
wikipedia these are beige flag wait wait red what what does that mean you've never fantasized steven
that's a lie nick and kb tell them what you do i said we were saying tell us what you do every
once in a while it's fun to uh listen to song, close your eyes real tight, pretend you're the lead singer in your head.
Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pretend like you're wowing an audience at a concert.
I do it at Luke Combs all the time.
He couldn't comprehend doing that.
Or fantasizing about anything.
He's never fantasized.
You ever close your eyes and pretend you scored a touchdown?
He's like, that doesn't make sense.
Yeah.
Okay, Che, you've definitely done that.
Che, like going to the Buccaneers practice,
catching a football,
I'm sure you've thought about it.
You know what's funny? Last time I was here, Che,
you said if you were in the front row and you caught a fucking ball
at the Bucs game, you would just leave.
So you did fantasize for a minute.
You guys asked me a question.
That's a great point.
That's fantasy land.
You guys asked me what I would do if I caught one.
He's all factual. You guys asked me what I would do if I caught one. And you imagine.
He's all factual.
You picture yourself being in the stands and, you know, getting.
Never.
On Che's side of things, though, as an athlete, there would be nights where I'd be getting ready for a game
and I would try to visualize, right?
They always say visualize.
And some nights you can't visualize.
Like as a baseball player, I'd be like, all right, see the ball to the bat,
hit it, and I couldn't picture it in my mind's eye,
and I didn't have until I lined up for that first pitch of the game
when you're like, fuck, I really couldn't visualize last night.
I'm not going to be able to hit it.
Sometimes you can't.
You just got to stick to it, man.
You're going to be able to visualize whatever you want.
Yeah, we got to get you manifested.
You've never fantasized about the Bucs winning the Super Bowl?
Just to sell it?
Never masturbated?
Yeah, wait, when you're jerking off, what are you thinking about
when you're jerking off in the shower?
I don't jerk off in the shower.
I'm not Brandon.
When you signed up to do the TB12 method,
did you fantasize about having a better body?
So that was my caveat when I was in elementary school.
Hasn't he said productive shower before?
Yes.
That's his phrase. I think he used it to describe
someone else. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's a classic Brandon. Nobody else
does that except you. He used productive
shower. He said, I had a productive shower today.
He has said that on the show. Yeah.
Not a regular thing. But you shower twice a day
so obviously you're tugging on the shower.
Brandon's tugging it in the shower.
When you're tugging it it what do you think of Jay
yeah
you're just looking at your dick
I can't imagine I just look at my
dick I guess sure so the
exceptions would be like obviously like sexual
stuff and then um the last
time I've like done that in a
non-sexual situation is like uh
like yeah when you're 10, 11 years old
and you're like, three, two, one, and you shoot a shot.
You do that every day on the court?
Not like that.
I'm not imagining crowds going nuts, that type of stuff.
That's a blast.
I sing along in my car to songs, but I'm not like-
You're not like Brady and the Gun.
You guys were describing-
That's why he's never great. That breath hasn't caught up great that breath hasn't caught up no he's never great his breath
yeah i was luke combs the other day kyle dude he's great yeah i was having a blast you know
i'm a big big bellied uh bearded american you know and i like to sing some luke combs from time to
time and picture myself as him yeah i was him for a little bit kyle would you ever visualize like
you're trying to visualize positive, but you lose? Yeah.
That's the worst.
A thousand percent.
But damn, I miss that tackle.
Remember Corey Wooten, Big Cat?
Yeah.
Defensive tackle for the Bears.
He ended Brett Favre's career.
He was 6'8". He was 290.
He was built like an Adonis.
But he wasn't like an all-pro or pro-ball player.
But he was a guy that I could not block my rookie year.
And I'd line up every day in practice and try to block him.
And I would visualize how he was going to beat me every day and he would so like this visual beat you in your head
bro he beat me before i even put on my underwear for the day oh no man every time every time i see
him i'm like you motherfucker i i'll never forget you he was the one who took out brett farb finally
yeah like brett farb's dead lifeless body was laying on that outdoor turf in Minnesota.
And then Shane McClellan got Aaron Rodgers.
Broke his collarbone.
Fuck yes.
These are the great moments.
Chicago Bears history.
Injured.
Injuring other players.
How about that old defense in Chicago?
Yeah, just fucking injuring guys.
Why not?
Why not?
Steven, you're a freak.
We all knew that.
Why?
Because I don't live in a fantasy land?
Yeah.
What'd you do?
So we're dreaming.
Are we in fantasy land or are we dreamers?
I don't live in a fantasy land.
Like songs are the, like when you're listening to a song, your mind wanders to fantasy.
The way they described it was like they're doing full sets.
Oh yeah.
And there's like someone in the front row.
They're like imagining like, nah.
I've never put myself in the shoes of the lead singer of a band or anything.
It's a blast.
I've never done that.
Very fun.
Even just pretend like you have that voice.
I do James Brown sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
I'll just like emerge from the toilet.
Fantasy blackface.
If I sing along with songs, I always mimic the lead singer.
Yeah.
I have no ability.
I have no idea what my singing voice sounds like.
Try to pair with their voice, yes.
Because I just always try to.
Because when you sing Creed, you go,
Home in hell.
With me.
That's what got Wake Up Mincy canceled.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Singing.
Second act.
It's coming up yeah
second act
I also
when I listen to like
emo songs
I somehow put myself
in like a
mindset that like
I'm longing for some
girl that
I don't even
I can't even picture
who the girl is
but I'm just like
god damn dude
I do miss her
I am gonna kill myself
I never stood
a chance
and I don't even know
who I'm picturing
screaming infidelities
I deserved it I never stood a fucking. Yeah. And I only know who I'm picturing. Screaming infidelities. I deserved it.
I never stood a fucking chance.
Miss Delilah.
I like to do, what I used to do is, when I was getting on a plane, I would listen to
music and think like I was at the end of like real world.
Remember that scene they always would do?
Yeah.
Like, man, that was fun.
That was a blast.
I fucked so many chicks.
I harassed myself a couple times. But man. It was fun. That was a blast. I fucked so many chicks. I embarrassed myself a couple times.
But, man, friends for life that I'll never talk to again
until they pay me $50,000 to go on a trip to Puerto Rico
and play a bunch of games and embarrass myself again.
That's a fun fantasy.
It's a fun fantasy.
It's a fun fantasy.
We're having fun.
All right.
Nicky Smokes.
Does he have this ability?
What's up?
Can he do this?
Yeah, his burritos are here.
What hat are you wearing, Nicky Smokes?
Hey, Nicky.
Hey, Nicky.
I know.
I said, hey, do you want a burrito?
Yeah, you don't got to come in here and walk in.
I texted him.
I texted him to come in.
I was with all you guys.
If he touches the burritos, I'm going to fuck him up.
I texted him because I wanted.
Smokes said last night that he wants to do an Oklahoma drill with Will.
Yeah, he's not about action.
He's hurt.
He's on the IR.
Is that true, Will?
Is that true?
Wait, did Nicky Smoke –
I have a strained glute right now.
So you won't do –
I have a strained ass.
Oh, my goodness.
Why don't you guys just wrestle?
I want to do Oklahoma drill, not wrestling.
Pretty much. Oklahoma's way quicker. Like get hit i get dropped i don't have to like go like this and do all the other fucking
fugazi shit dude will's got 350 tackles in the nfl yeah and i got um not missing in high school
highlight football tape i'm good is your huddle tape online no oh fuck that would be weak let's find it what'd you play what position you play
tight end does anybody know his name you should check no idea charles yeah it's up you gotta find
it though i'm not gonna tell you shit all right chat find it for god damn it fuck you can you just
drop him once come on do you think you could drop? You don't need a whole ass. Yes. Yes, dude.
Why wouldn't we?
What?
He played in the NFL.
I don't like the disrespect thrown at Will.
No, no disrespect.
He walks in here and says, hey, the Breers are here.
One of them is mine.
Well, no, I kept the back.
Hang on, Nicky.
Oh, this is Nicky Smokes Huddleville?
Oh, shit, man.
Oh.
Like, hang on, Nicky.
Oh, look at that.
Hey, Nicky, you want a burrito?
And you're like, yeah, man, thanks for asking.
But then you want to walk in here for the home?
No, no, no, no, no.
I left the bag closed.
I didn't open it.
I just wanted to, like, make sure that you remembered one of them was mine.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if I opened it, you were like, who the fuck stole my burrito?
Did he touch him?
Did you touch him?
No, I left the bag.
I wasn't going to open it unless you guys opened the bag.
Or at least I told you.
That's why I walked down there.
The bag is unopened. Yes. I'm trying to down there. You don't want to piss my man Kyle off.
No, never.
I would never disrespect you.
What if you find out the bag is unstapled?
I have to ask some people some questions.
Yeah.
No, it's stapled, I promise.
I'm not that big of an asshole.
Nicky was saying he got more hoes than I did tackles.
And then I looked up how many tackles he has. He said, yeah, I bet I got more bodies than I did tackles. And then I looked up how many tackles he has.
He said, yeah, I bet I got more bodies than you got tackles.
I mean, I really didn't think he played much.
Wild.
And then I saw his 2016 stats.
I was like, oh, my God, this kid's a fucking beast.
Did you assume Will was a golfer?
Confusing.
We have breaking news.
Breaking news.
Breaking news.
We have the branded video Breaking news
There's one with better audio
Top of the frame here
Oh yes
Oh this is awesome
Look how
You were peering
You were peering. The shoulder jump.
You were peering.
Can we zoom on the video a little bit?
I don't think that.
Who put this door here?
Who put that door here?
That's what I'm saying right now.
You were peering out, and he walked right into it.
You actually put.
You're looking around.
I'm thinking about breaking the door right now.
You led with your face.
I did.
Face was the first thing that hit.
Were you trying to make an argument for yourself?
Yeah, you could see him arguing with the door.
I'm very mad at the door right now.
I said, who did this?
Who closed this door?
Who put this door here?
You see the wooden thing right there that was supposed to be holding it open?
He's like, I opened it five minutes ago.
Who are you doing right now?
I was a man.
You're testing it.
You're like, could it have closed?
Is that how it got there?
It's like a tennis player that misses the ball and he looks at his racket like,
where's the hole in this racket?
Do you have the audio?
I want to hear the audio.
That's a push open, sir.
I don't know.
Chick-fil-A? I don't know what I was going to get. You're peering hear the audio. Sir, that's a push open, sir. I don't know. Chick-fil-A?
I don't know what I was going to get. You're peering around the corner.
I think I had to go outside and get another hoodie or something.
You won't remember now.
You won't remember now.
It doesn't matter what I was going to get because I don't even think I went and got it.
Whatever, but I just, it hurt.
I hit it hard.
I went nose first.
You got the hardest part out of your day.
It was very clear.
It was very clear.
Yeah, it was so clear you're standing two're saying two inches that was the sound what is that
angles this How did that make that?
That was a loud sound.
This is like we need the TMZ edit where it has like the transcription.
Brandon Walker runs in the door.
It's a door.
Is he bruising?
I really feel like a bird.
No, I'm fine.
Thank you.
I can't really tell y'all how clear it really was because it was open five minutes earlier
when I walked through.
We know what doors look like.
And we know what doors they can open.
Oh, is this a reverse angle?
No way.
Let's see.
I'm already there, though.
I'm complaining.
Oh, that's him complaining.
Complaining.
I can't tell y'all how clear this door was.
Oh, this is the...
Can you send me the video, TJ, please?
Oh, it's the same one we all walked through.
This isn't really something that...
Well, that's why they put the big blue X up there now.
Now I'm confused.
I don't know where to go.
Yeah.
I think I just walked back in.
Now I can't open it.
That door dominated you.
Absolutely.
I was so disoriented at this point.
I just went back in.
I gave up.
I never even went out and got what I was going to get.
That's the way there's a big blue X on it now. Neurocons get. So there's a big blue X on it now?
There's a big blue X on the door now.
That's a TBI right there.
I don't, you know.
So now every time you come into the office and you see the big blue X,
you're going to be reminded of how big a moron you are.
Bill said, or Larry, I don't know which one's working today.
I think it's Larry.
Larry was like, I told him to put a logo on that door because you can see right through it.
Because it's glass.
That's what you can see.
But there's no logo on the door.
Now we're going to have an X there until we have a logo.
There should be a logo on the door as well, right?
No one else has run into it.
It's a door.
It should be a foreplay logo because it's like a gatekeeper.
No one else has been caught.
Somebody else has walked into that door.
I'm going to go ahead and say it.
Mook has.
Mook has?
Yeah.
Like the first day, the World Series, when we were in the gambling cave for the first time.
Mook walked right into it.
And we were all like, what the fuck was that?
I can't be the only.
We can't be the only two.
There has to be.
Mook, Hank.
Hank's walked into the door?
Yeah.
Walked into it?
Yeah, so just you three the three
stooges did you
just lie about them just to have three people
no because Hank Hank was telling me about it earlier
and then I know for a fact Mook walked
into it guaranteed
all right three stooges
you guys didn't go to out and about after
party though that's kind of fucked up
you went to the show I didn't go to I went to
the after party I mean you guys just don't support your co-workers it's kind of weird i was why are you looking at
me i had to say you weren't there you were there you were there i respect that where i was at the
live show i would have been there no i was not there no love i have to be in the bed like seven
yeah big supporter of out and about are you think it's awesome seriously you know what it's about
yeah 100 that's why i'm out thing on it nicky smokes you fuck i don't i don't think it's awesome seriously you know what it's about yeah 100 that's why i'm
counting on it nicky smokes you fuck i don't i don't think it's out of about beat his ass kyle
talk to you like that that's why i love nicky smokes because we i was driving in with kyle
this morning and he was like what's nicky smokes deal and i was like he's just a douchebag and
like you just be around him for a minute it It's like, you fuck. You just bring it out of people.
And I love you for it.
Half my buddies are douchebags.
I said some wild shit to Will.
We're all douchebags.
But I can't say it.
What did you say to Will?
I can't.
I can't say it.
The Out and About live show had people raise their hands and fuck Nicky Smokes.
At this moment in time.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
And then.
Did you poll last night?
He wasn't at the live show.
So I wasn't at the live show. You got some texts from girls God. Yeah. And then. Did you pull last night? He was at the live show. So I wasn't at the live show.
You got some texts from girls because.
Yeah.
Four hands went up and they stared at each other.
Yeah.
Is it true?
Yeah.
So I went upstairs to do the out and about podcast.
And like, we're going to bring up your sex life on there.
I'm like, please don't.
Like, I thought they were fucking with me.
And then I get a text from this girl.
She's like, um, dot, like um dot dot dot dot they just
shouted you out at this show like what's this about like what'd you tell them i'm like i didn't
tell them anything all i said was is that she didn't there's a girl that i've been with that
is going to be at your show tonight and then nikki was like dude they asked like who here has fucked
you and he's like four girls put their hands oh your numbers are legend and then and then they
just like they kept their hands up to like look around and it was one was like right next to me
oh yeah but you can't say what you got a good look at her what was the so you just went to the
after show cleaned up yeah i literally went to the after show i picked her up and i just took her right back home damn were you carrying a bag a bag like a shopping bag dude no no so listen to
this sure yeah so i get there and pat's like you want to dump sack and i'm like dude i don't have
sack and he was like what like you don't have sack i'm like no i don't have anything on me
and then it kind of like ruined his night and then Joey just handed me the bottle of something all right and he
was just like smell it and I was just inhaling those poppers dude I thought it
was like chlorine poppers popper that loosens your asshole so you can get
fucked easy yeah I mean I did last a lot longer than I yeah no it's true do that
pretty quickly tell Nick was like,
what the fuck?
Nick was like,
I'm going to tell you about poppers.
I'll tell you everything you need to know.
Oh, poppers, yeah.
Here's where you can buy them.
Here's where you can get fucked.
Yeah, you can get fucked.
Straight dad taught him about them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It helps with constipation.
Does it help with endurance?
I was going to say,
it probably is great for a nice toilet.
A turd will just fall out of you
and you won't even know.
Does it help with endurance?
You've been turned out.
What the fuck?
No.
I was relaxed.
What the fuck?
No.
All right.
Well, Nicky Smokes.
Appreciate you.
So you did poppers last night?
That's a nightmare.
Oh, here we go.
Everything 1K.
That was quick.
Is this you, Smokes?
Where are you?
Watch.
You'll see.
I break a couple tackles here.
Oh, there you are.
Nice block. Okay. Oh. Let me get see. I break a couple tackles here. There you are. Nice block.
Oh.
Let me get that.
I'll tell you what.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
That was sick.
I do want to point out that this huddle account claims that Nicky Smokes was benching 300 pounds in high school.
I was.
And I was squatting 400.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was.
That was my max out.
Well, just do this.
What a freak.
Bro, what do you mean?
I was in the 1,000-pound club. No, you weren't. Yes, I was, bro. You had the t Well, just do this. What a freak. Bro, what do you mean? I was in the 1,000-pound club.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was, bro.
I used to be a monster.
Oh.
I was going deep.
Deep threat.
And then I get hawked.
I was so slow.
That's why I didn't go to the league.
That's why I want to do Oklahoma drills with you.
So if you light me the fuck up, I would know not to waste my kids' time with football.
There's not many white people in the NFL,
so if I can't get past you, there's no way my kid's going to make it.
So he might as well play golf.
The logic here is quite a lot of logic.
I'm following along perfectly.
Right? You get it.
He's got to find out right now for his unborn children.
I want like four kids, three boys and a girl yeah that's how i got
that's what you have yeah three boys and a girl you ripped it well you have five kids brandon
yeah i didn't know that do you still fuck as a parent like your kid doesn't watch this show right
kid does not well one of them does yeah all right well how old is he he's 13 and learn your history
is tommy walker i mean you got to's 13. And learn your history as Tommy Walker.
I mean, you got to introduce me. You said learn your history.
You're a legend.
Tommy Walker will fuck you up.
I'm sure he will.
I want no smoke with Tommy.
You still get busy?
No.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
You know, it's crazy.
You're like, I maybe don't want Tommy to hear what's going on at home,
but maybe Tommy doesn't want you to know what Tommy's doing. Yeah 13's a weird age i already know what time you are yeah you know
tommy's got a 13 year old girl in jersey that's still texting him today oh yeah my boy gets down
like six months and she's still trying you caught him hugging in the front yard right yeah
no actually i'm sorry he was 12 at the time. She was 14. Oh. Tommy Walker.
Big stepper.
My dog.
Standing on business.
All right, well, so we'll do the Oklahoma Trail one of these weeks?
Yeah, I mean, whenever Will wants to get off the IR.
Are you back to 100%?
I'm at like 80%.
I never could do the jump.
I can never make the jump.
Bro.
My first girlfriend dumped me because I was afraid to kiss her.
You'd be at the movies trying to figure out, like, am I going to hold her hand right now?
What's happening over here?
Talking to Will.
We're talking making moves back in sixth grade.
I was in eighth.
Ninth, actually.
There is no upside for Will doing an Oklahoma drill with you.
Zero.
That's the problem.
Why wouldn't he just wrestle him?
If I get past you one time, you give me 5K, and I'll put it on a parlay, me and you,
and if it hits we'll
split it the dumbest thing but why would why i love how big guy said there's no upside and then
you continue yeah just firm here's the upside for you are you not a millionaire i'll split the
parlay winnings with you are you not a millionaire this is uh yeah what's five grand to you how is
that enough how is the upside because because if my
sorry white ass can get past him and he can't tackle me he deserves to give me five grand you
understand what upside means okay proven my point even more okay there's no scenario where will
comes out of this yes that was awesome i'm glad i did this here's what happened thank god i don't
have any people want to see me get fucking no listen nikki i want to see this happen that's saying that was awesome. I'm glad I did that. Here's what happened. Thank God I got a $5,000.
Listen, Nicky, I want to see this happen.
That's what I'm saying. But the point remains.
There's two scenarios. One,
Will buries you and everyone says, well, yeah,
Will played in the NFL. Two,
you beat Will and everyone's like, Will's a
fucking loser.
He doesn't win.
That's the point of no upside.
Do you have any idea how big of a legend you would be if you dropped me?
No.
That's the point.
No, he wouldn't.
He's tackled an NFL player.
What you're, like, trying to do, it would almost be like we get padded up
and somebody floats you a ball over the middle and I disintegrate you.
You would not disintegrate.
But even in that scenario, Nicky, you would get the respect because everyone
would be like, damn, he took a hit from an nfl player would that be the would that be the biggest athletic
accomplishment will if you smoked him in an oklahoma drill would that probably i was the
pinnacle of your i thought it was a career for nikki smokes back yeah if you decide if you take
me out you're taking out nikki smokes oh loser leaves town yeah loser leave i can't leave town
bro i got a 12 yeah what about lead. Yeah, what about that?
What if that's the scenario?
If Will...
I'll take over your lease.
That's the thing.
If Will kills you...
I don't want to leave.
If Will kills you, you leave.
Because if I lose, there's the public aspect of you get knocked down several pegs.
Okay, so if you...
If you lose, it's you have to hold on.
But are you scared?
Is there a chance you lose?
There's always...
You never say never. If you're giving me that you have to hold on. But are you scared? Is there a chance you lose? There's always. You never say never.
If you're giving me that chance, I'll take that.
I basically just won already.
All right.
Smart.
That was a smart way to play that.
Thank you, Nicky.
We'll find some pads.
We'll do it.
All right.
I just need a helmet and a football.
Do you want your burrito?
I'll bring them in here for you while I get off.
I cannot wait.
Yeah.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, go get the burritos.
Appreciate that, Nicky. Thanks, Nicky. He's just like that. here for you while I get off. I cannot wait. Yeah. I'll tell you that. Yeah, go get the burritos. I will. Appreciate that, Nicky.
Thanks, Nicky.
Just like that.
Is he exactly like I described him?
He's the best.
Yeah.
Anyone who asks me who Nicky Smokes is, I'm like, he's a douchebag, but I like him.
You can say whatever you want to him, and he's going to say it right back.
Right, exactly.
And you're going to be like, that was awesome.
There's something about him that I like.
There's no chance any women would say that about him, though.
No, definitely not.
But there are apparently a lot of women who have a lot to say about Nicky Smokes.
That's how you get him riled up, though.
Earlier, I was getting him going because I'm like, bro, you get no hoes.
That's all it takes.
He's like, who?
Who's talking about him?
I'm like, think about who you've hung out with.
Who ain't got a hoes?
No, I'm thinking of a couple guys.
Nobody.
They know.
They know.
Smokes, you're a douchebag.
He's like, oh, whatever. Smokes, you're. He smokes you're like thank you I appreciate that yeah I hate being around you's
like that's cool man that's what you would know host that's what about me he was like I bet I
have more bodies than you do tackles I was like how many bodies you got Nick he's like 34
like just the fact that he has a number Douchebag He talks like a
Like a thousand
Yeah he talks
Yeah
He talks like
I always think he's gonna say
Tommy Smokes has him ruined
Tommy Smokes is the ghost of Keith
Yeah the minute I go
The minute I like
Wait he's a 34 man
Talking like that
He's like for me
That's amazing for me
Does Smokes lie on pussy?
No.
Does he lie on pussy?
Ain't no way.
Not Nikki Smokes.
If four women did raise their hand at that show last night, that is shocking to me.
He hasn't been here that long.
But I think he's using him.
That's shocking that four women out and about.
Wait, is that real?
I think this has been his most sexually active
era of his life.
You're on the biggest heater of your life right now,
no? I heard, though, that you get
no hoes. I heard you lie on
pussy. I heard you lie on
pussy.
People are
Yo, there's three burritos now yeah the streets are saying
hey hey nick i i put an order for eight burritos thank you where's the bag oh you wanted it for
everyone i mean it could be but either way we're just thinking like you know you snag one we're
still talking about you go leave you lie about You lie about how much pussy you get.
That's what the push is.
I think if you, in your head, you're like, I could have fucked her, you count that as
a body.
Yeah.
Streets are saying you get no hoes.
Fake notches.
Fake notches.
All right.
Fake notches.
I'll get you some streets.
That's what people are saying.
Yeah, bring the burritos.
Yeah.
Just in case.
There's more burritos than hoes you get.
Oh, fuck.
Give me my one.
Oh, that's going to be.
People, can everyone, please don't.
He was worked up over the top.
Please, let's just be nice.
Don't tweet at Nicky Smoke saying he gets no hoes.
Yeah, don't.
Don't tweet.
Nicky, you get no hoes.
Let's keep this inside the house.
He clearly gets hoes. Don't say he doesn't we're a brotherhood
in here we're allowed to do that right from the outside in that's fucked up other people saying
he gets no hose i'll be upset yeah i'll be very upset hey are you guys uh i think he has a single
digit body count yeah he's fucked one woman he's fucked one woman. He's fucked one woman. Yeah. His mom.
That's wild.
It's wild if he counted his mom as one of the numbers.
One of the pussies of natural birth.
Of touched a pussy. Be radical.
Touch that pussy, that counts.
What do we got here?
Burritos.
What kind of burritos?
You guys wanted this, right?
What kind of burritos are they?
Nicky, do you count your being birthed as one of your numbers?
No.
Okay.
You're putting up better numbers in Chicago than in college.
Did you lick that like a lollipop?
Why did you lick that burrito?
Such a weirdo.
I love you, but you're such a weirdo.
Do you need to take a Viagra to get your dick up? That burrito. Such a weirdo. I love you, but you're such a weirdo.
Do you need to take a Viagra to get your dick up?
Brandon, if he needs Viagra to get his dick up.
Whenever we're piling on Nicky, he just goes at Brandon.
I'm good.
I'm good.
And it's never like a real go at it. It's just like a question.
Yeah, he's curious.
He's not trying to be mean.
He's curious.
I do not need Viagra to get my dick up.
He's literally just asking a question.
My dick still operates.
Does it? Like by itself. What the fuck is that?
Are you telling the truth?
I didn't say it operates often, but it operates when it's time to operate.
But have you lost hardness over the years?
No.
Yes.
No.
Absolutely yes.
No.
I bet you could squeeze and get a little dip.
I lose a percentage of hardness a year.
A year.
Yeah.
You know what you used to like you you don't you know
what you used to have you don't get that okay maybe they used to hurt yeah right I don't maybe
my hundred percent isn't what a hundred percent used to be that's not how but I still get it
I get it going when it needs to get going Will's just asking deeply personal questions off the mic
yeah how active is your sex life I do when's the last time i texted
you he texts me every time he fucks yeah so yeah it's a couple days how often does he text once a
week nice nice that's solid numbers yeah he'll text me guess what and then it'll be like did you
no no i didn't damn oh we got we got soup going across the basketball court. I love it. Go around. We should have a soup race.
All right.
Who can spill soup first?
Who can make the biggest spill on the basketball court?
Nick, will you do the high noon ad?
Yes, sir.
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and break out the oversized lawn games.
You know why?
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which means it's here for a good time, not a long time.
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I'm going to have some in Knoxoxville this weekend kyle i have to
comment on this yeah you had the burrito and it jizzed on you and then you went and got a napkin
yep and there's a burrito over there burrito here burrito there there's burritos all in this room
and you went and got one napkin fuck it was an emergency and i just thought about that yeah but
i said it that's why i got johnny sins a bit did you and yeah you're right here on the titty titty back a little bit oh wow
hand beard it was really it's a whole bukkake it was a whole thing so i had to leave let's say
tongue what does it say tongue i don't know i took a bite of this burrito and that thing's so
juicy it just shot out at me dude let me Let me see, Brandon. Let me see.
I don't know what it says.
Let me see.
Let's see.
I'll go get some more napkins, Dad, all right?
Hangdale?
Holmgren?
Holmgren?
Trying to figure out what that says.
Yeah.
I can't either.
I know it when I see it.
Hangular?
Hangover?
Oh, it's hangover.
It doesn't say hangover.
Yeah, it says hangover.
It's sat up in his chair and everything.
Yours does.
Okay, hangover.
All right.
It's a hangover burrito.
Are you guys?
Oh, I'm sorry that Barstool Kush has ended.
What?
There's a lot of obstacles.
Well, Andrew Tate.
Yeah.
Barstool Kush?
Andrew Tate.
He's like the biggest brand at Barstool right now. Andrew Tate's tweet. I don't know if you can pull it up, TJ, but he. Yeah, Andrew Tate. Yeah. Barstool Kush? Andrew Tate. He's like the biggest brand at Barstool right now.
Andrew Tate's tweet. I don't know if you can pull it up, TJ,
but he... Yeah, coming out.
That was so directed at you guys.
Yep. The worst part is
he had a point, and I've experienced this firsthand.
Yeah. People are
believing and saying it's the...
People are quote-tweeting it, saying it's the cringiest
content Barstool's ever done.
We've done way cringier. I don't know.ingiest content Barstool's ever done. We've done way cringier.
I don't know.
But yeah, Barstool Kush is done.
Andrew Tate just ended it.
It was how we just Googled the word weed and went to the third page of Google and found a picture and tweeted it.
It blew up.
It did blow up, unfortunately.
Why were you guys talking about Andrew Tate?
He ended Barstool Kush.
He tweeted last night,
weed? More like gay.
Yeah. And then Snoop Dogg announced today
he's done smoking weed. What?
Yeah, that was the biggest thing. These two things are not...
Why? What was his reasoning?
He put out an apology. Oh, weed.
Weed. Oh, you mean gay?
Ooh. But what about Snoop?
Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg tweeted like a retirement post from Weed today.
Like the hang his jersey, his blunt wraps up in the...
Yeah.
Holy shit, that's a big thing.
He got an intervention.
His family wanted him to.
So now that I'm out of the game, Snoop's out of the game,
I don't know who's taken.
This is a very funny picture to use.
After much consideration consideration conversation with my
family i've decided to give up smoke please respect my privacy at the time you know you hate to
try and figure out what's going on but yeah that's been part of his deal forever right i think it's
just time to start something new or you know was there did he have a scare was there like oh your
blood pressure's up or right oh yeah you know we're human, did he have a scare? Was there like, oh, your blood pressure's up? Right.
Oh, yeah.
You know, we're human beings, dude.
We forget that.
Like, I think about it because I'm a large human being,
and my heart could go quicker than other people.
So if I'm smoking bud, I think about that stuff.
You want to take over Barstool Kush?
Man, that's a lot.
We can give you the login because out of the game.
Andrew Tate, not a fan. I fucked up, yeah a fan i fucked up yeah hey i accidentally smoked reggie you you gotta if you're gonna if you're gonna talk well you
gotta talk in the mic yeah he's just he's been the last five minutes i'm just talking to mike
but he's like he's made some really fucking good points Some of your best shit
He's giving me his best shit
He's burning his best shit
It's right in my ear
I'm having the time of my life
Are you guys a
Bart or an onion
What is that
I don't know I was hoping one of you
TJ knows
I have no idea what you just said
A Bart or an Onion?
Last night, I tweeted just something about Maction,
and all of the replies were Bart Simpson avatars being like,
Bart cat.
Yeah.
Bart stool, Bart cat.
Oh, you have to pick between the two?
And then I was like, what is going on?
And someone was like, some guy said they're Barts,
and then another guy said they're Onions.
They've been battling all day. Whoa. And then i came out as a part yeah both like my
tweets this morning there's like all the parts it'll be like 15 comments immediately and they're
all barts yeah they're pretty so funny wait a crew so funny are they different barts or the same
bart different hat logo to barts yeah yeah you put on a bart stool
big cat and yeah oregon bart if i was one you know what i mean i couldn't figure out what the
genesis who's on team onion like who's yeah give me like the biggest onion guy i don't know what
do you think's more influential in america this is how did i miss this yeah it was right down
here what the fuck is going on out here?
Yeah, I get it.
It's a battle between the two.
Right.
And these two have been at it for ages, but I just don't.
We have to pick a side?
Was this just one tweet, Dan, or did you get rebarred?
No, I got.
It was just one tweet, and then I was like, wait, what's going on?
Here, I'll try to find the tweet that has all the replies.
Speaking of, do you see Caitlyn Jenner spelling retarded wrong?
That's a funny one to spell wrong.
Wait, you just got Bartz.
An absolutely incredible tweet, Caitlyn Jenner.
That was good.
That was funny.
That was so fucking hard.
In all caps, I think.
Bartz, yeah.
It's all the same Bart with different hats.
I don't get it still. And there's a lot of different hats i don't get it still and there's a lot of
stuff i just don't get on the internet but this is what i feel like i'm just not gonna get the
genesis of where it's going i'm gonna go to my meme check go to my oh you're gonna make me bart
this is funny tj go to my
what are you doing tj go to my tweet about...
That's so bad.
Sound it out, babe.
You're almost there.
Oh, man.
Oh, she fixed it?
Yeah, she fixed it.
TJ, go to my tweet about Nikki Smokes and Will doing the Oklahoma Drill last night.
It was like 10 o'clock at night.
And this is the first tweet, and I just saw all my replies, and it was just...
Barts everywhere. I don't understand what's going on, but I just saw all my replies, and it was just Bartz everywhere.
I don't understand what's going on, but I'm in.
It's a good army.
You have to pick a side.
There's nothing on Google.
It's just your tweet.
Yeah, Bart.
Bart versus Onion.
It's this one guy.
It doesn't exist.
Created it, and he's very funny, I think,
because he just got everyone to change their avatar to Bartz.
That guy holds all the power.
Like a PMT said? No. No. I think it's some. I got their avatar to Bart's. Like, that guy holds all the power. Is this like a PMT-centric thing?
No, no.
I think it's some...
I got to try to find...
Maybe like an understudy of PMT or PFT.
He's out there doing his best impression.
But the Bart thing is crazy.
I'm still...
It disturbs me that I don't understand it.
All right, look at this.
I tweet this, and it's like 9.50 at night.
I think I'm in bed.
There's the man himself.
Yeah, that's the guy who started, but keep scrolling, and you see them all.
Eddie.
All right, these are just spam.
That's Bart Scott.
Yeah, that is Bart Scott.
That's true.
Bart, Bart.
And so I saw a couple, and then I was like, hey, wait a second.
It's just all Barts.
Somebody called you Bart Stool Big Bart?
Yeah, Bart.
How do you come back?
You're a Bart.
Join us.
I thought it was like a spam bot.
And then I realized there's all these people with different handles that had changed their name.
Bart.
Come home, Big Bart.
Wait, this is so fucking funny.
Look at Bart blowing up the onion.
Oh, he fucking hates you.
So wait a minute.
Join the Barts.
Those are all real people?
Yes. They all changed real people? Yes.
They all changed their avatar to Bart.
I got to admit, I'm more enticed by onion right now.
Oh, my God.
They seem more serious.
I don't like shadows.
This is ominous.
All right, go back up, TJ, because it was the first guy.
He's the guy who I think started the whole thing.
It's one of the, yeah, this guy.
Steady E69.
He started the Barts. Founder of the Bart Army. steady six nine he started the barts founder of the bard army
oh he yeah good for him what is this that is that it's this dude dude started the bard army
so where does the onion when i started the brother wait pat mcafee oh oh yeah they said
they wanted to get i think they were doing a coordinated attack on me to get me to join Bart Army,
and then they were like,
we got to get back at the end of Bart Army.
Oh, my God.
Dude, this is...
Look at that.
Nefarious.
Is anyone Onion Gang?
I saw a couple people,
but then when I announced I was Bart Gang,
the Onion people were like, we're screwed.
So I don't...
It's such a stupid i'm onion uh tj
can you ai like an onion fucking yes on the onion how are they doing they're working in the shadows
man they have big plans they're not bart bart seems uh bart team seems to want it too much
yeah it's a little desperate it's such a stupid stupid thing that's so funny to me i went in on
it so fucking i know I know. Join up.
Onion seems cooler.
I agree.
Onion seems like we don't give a fuck.
Wow.
These are fighting words.
I'm Onion.
Officially.
I think I might be Onion, too.
I mean, Bart's something you have to try hard. They're a third party.
It's like they're trying way too hard.
They're building.
They're in the middle of building.
Maybe they're in the middle of an attack right now.
I'm an independent.
Come on.
I'm Brian Griffin.
Oh, you're Brian Griffin. Yeah, you brian griffin last night kyle did it was great because kyle was like he just tweeted he landed and was like what's going on with this bart versace
you just saw it right away it's parts everywhere brian griffin's a good one that is a damn good
one he has a hat on that says writer i think think it's cool. Brian Griffin fucks more than...
I guarantee you if you go to his IMDB.
No problem.
Hotter women.
Stewies.
A lot of stewies.
All the memes that could come from Stewie.
You guys are sounding like you're not barts
and I don't feel comfortable being here.
Oh, I'm getting barded real bad right now.
I fuck up big time.
As soon as you get barred, do you really want to join the army?
Oh, no.
I'm not going to get attacked as a third-party candidate.
You guys are going to be infighting.
They're not worried about the third guy.
Brandon, are you just trying to catch up?
Have you decided if you're a barter or an onion?
Yeah, I want blood.
Guts, maybe.
Yes. Oh, maybe. Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Parts of trouble.
Yeah, I think that's just what I align with.
Brandon, if you had to decide, who are you leaning towards?
I think I'm a bark guy.
Okay.
Brandon, onions, food.
Bad food, though.
What?
Makes you cry.
Keeps away yellow-spotted lizards.
It's also funny because-
Is that a problem?
Yeah.
They're everywhere.
Name three places you've seen one.
Everywhere, here, and there.
God damn, he did it.
A friend of mine got bit.
By a yellow-spotted lizard?
Mm-hmm.
I didn't know they existed. Yeah. My boy said it. I don't think they bit. By a yellow spotted lizard? Mm-hmm. I didn't know they existed.
Yeah.
My boy said that.
I don't think they do.
The onions keep them wet.
Died.
Your boy died from a yellow spotted lizard.
Him and his girl.
Both of them.
Yeah, Kate.
Damn.
Barlow.
Barlow.
We had to put him down last week.
Suck, man.
Hmm.
The best part is the bark, they like ride for each other hard.
But the onions.
I've never been ridden before.
I might be a bark guy.
These bark guys on their own, they're nothing.
But with the army together, they're.
Right.
Like, look, I'm sending you a tweet right now.
This one guy said you don't have to get involved with every Internet thing that happens.
Yeah.
Stay out of it, dude.
Yeah.
Literally.
This is our thing.
And I replied, great, I don't.
You also sound like an onion loser.
And then all the Barts came and attacked him.
I wonder where he's at now.
The Barts are destroying me right now.
Yeah, dude.
They're intimidating.
They did the Chris Paul meme of Chris Paul hits huge three to cut lead to 42.
They just put an onion on chris it's just dudes having fun online and they want us to stay out
of it which makes me love it more yeah i love stay out of it yeah stay out of it dude we're
trying to build this army brick by brick yeah stay oh you did get sauce on yourself everywhere dude oh yeah i will say
look at this look at this guy you don't have to get involved with every internet thing that
happens cat great i don't you all sound like an onion loser and then there's just everyone
get that motherfucking yeah oh fuck you're gonna make me bart you gotta deactivate bro cook them
yes bark cat cook them wait these boys are supportive yeah no they're yeah they're
supporting me they come to my bed fucked up man yeah this all popped off in the last 24 hours
i'm not a sheep i'm not a sheep i don't i don't even know what onion stands for i don't
but i'm not a sheep either i was just being a tj could have stopped scrolling
anyone ever tell you how fat you beat a Bart feels like a basic bitch move.
I don't think it's... I want all my Barts who are listening right now to destroy Titus.
Find him.
I say bring it on.
Bart him to death.
Bart by Bart, dude.
Speaking of social media, I came across a good follow over the weekend while I was at LSU.
Oh.
I'd like to shout out Drew underscore Peacock 91.
I thought you were about to say Drew.
Drew Peacock.
Who are you?
Drew Peacock.
Who's that?
I don't know.
I came across his timeline.
I scrolled on it for a few minutes, and I was like, oh, this guy's funny.
Okay.
Drew Peacock.
Wait, wait, wait.
LSU 91.
A character.
Proud.
Is this the new? Thank you. Is this the new Illinois?
This is a character.
Two-time divorce, kept the house one time, lost the kids two times.
Okay, you met him in person?
No.
For whatever reason, he popped up on my timeline.
I clicked on his profile.
His pinned tweet, dude.
God, I fucking love Orcas.
Fuck you, SeaWorld.
Wait, this guy rocks. I pinned tweet, dude. God, I fucking love Orca's fuck you C-World. Wait, this guy rocks.
I love him, dude.
Follow me, shout me a DM.
Thank you for the follow.
I'll save you the stress of having to DM me first and just let you know up front.
Damn, that was the coolest thing ever.
I thought we were about to see a guy die.
Good morning, bitches and gentlemen.
This guy.
People like this are the lifeblood of the Twitter app, though.
Yeah.
They keep you coming back when you uncover that fool's gold.
And right now, look at where his stock is now.
I think I got in at 1,300-something.
He's at 19 now.
Get in while it's hot.
It's so true, Kyle.
Like, everyone who's like-
This guy sucks.
What are we doing?
Whoa.
Oh.
Boy, wasn't that loud, wasn't it?
What's his greatest hit?
Droopy Cock?
What?
Droopy Cock?
It's just one of these guys. How many Mike Oxlongs are there on Twitter? Oh, you lost't that loud, was it? What's his greatest hit? Droopy Cock? Droopy Cock? It's just one of these guys.
How many Mike Oxlongs are there on Twitter?
He lost the kids twice.
He's locked, probably.
Droopy Cock?
No, I'm with Kyle and Will.
Jack Mehoff?
These are the guys that keep Twitter alive.
It's great.
Twitter, like, whenever there's some stupid loser, like, you know,
New York Magazine writer in Brooklyn who's like,
this is a hell site.
It's like, no, dude.
We're fighting Bart's and Onion's here.
This is it.
I don't care.
Brandon, you don't think he's funny.
I don't think that's...
Droopy Cock's not funny.
Bart's or Onion, that's a funny thing.
He's funny, dude.
I'm looking at him now.
There's a thousand Droopy Cocks.
Not like this.
Yeah.
How many Mike Oxlongs have you guys been tweeted by?
How many what?
Not enough.
Am I?
I'm just by myself.
Mike Oxlong.
You didn't enjoy that little stroll?
Just that little 20-second stroll?
Brandon, I don't want to disrespect you.
You're sounding like a fucking onion right now, dude.
Big time.
You're a shallot at this point.
Yeah, he's a leek.
That's a compliment, Brandon.
Brandon, that's a compliment.
What did you say?
Also, I mean, I'm supposed to be a lame-o extreme to the max anyway.
Bart Army.
Let's go, Bart Army.
He's pretty funny.
Yeah, I'm scrolling through.
He's funny.
Like, these guys are creative, and they don't care that it's their name
on it which is even more commendable i think when you're like this is a guy with a random name with
funny shit yeah funny i like to picture that's actually him yeah say like that third year
letterman guy who's always talking about funny yeah america's uh yeah he's always like he's got
a body doing that for georgia football like that's
great what is it three-year letterman third-year letterman people think that he's he's a youth
coach twitter's fun if you just if you just don't take it seriously nothing is serious you hate the
three-year letterman guy love him i think he's fantastic it's fun you just go around you just
say fucking what's the uh yeah this is. Jacking off before I go out.
So I can last longer when I jack off when I get back.
That was him?
Oh, you brought up.
That's the one I brought up.
Did you retweet that one?
I think so.
I brought up.
I brought up Droopy Cock on Monday.
I saw that tweet.
You're familiar with Droopy Cock?
No.
I saw that.
Remember I said on Monday.
I was like, I saw a funny tweet.
I can't remember who said it.
Maybe I said it on the live stream.
That was what I did.
And I didn't realize it was droopy cock.
That's a great tweet.
That is a good tweet.
That's a good tweet.
Not a good tweet.
Oh, I just been told I'm barding up the wrong tree.
I'm dead.
You suck to rainy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, Somebody just tweeted
My address at me
That happens to me a lot
You got me
Oh man
I fucked up big time
Yeah this shit is fun
Just having
Stupid
Doing stupid shit
With your friends on the
But see
Yeah the Bart Army thing
Is cool
What's the last time
Something like this
Happened on Twitter
Like a Bart Army
It's been a while.
Like a culture war.
Like a Yanny or Laurel.
Bart Army stand-up.
Yanny or Laurel.
Yanny or Laurel made sense, though.
This is getting it to now.
I love it.
Yeah, I'm getting it.
I'm looking at it.
Which, again, I'm Team Onion, so I don't know.
Not a face.
All right, I'm officially Team Bart.
I don't want to be a part of it.
Because that's a sheep move.
That's what all the Team Barts are.
The Bart people have no brains. They just fall in line be probably on the team. Because that's a sheep move. That's what all the Team Barts are. The Bart people have no brains.
They just fall in line.
Wrong.
Sheep.
That's what they're told.
Yeah, they're sheep.
They're all sheep.
They're all sheep.
More.
I need more.
I think you have FOMO.
Yeah, he does.
He picked the wrong side.
He's hedging his bet.
He's like, I'm having fun.
You're just one of those cool guys.
Just a cool guy.
Oh, no, that's gay.
That's gay.
You're like, why? He's like, just because. Yeah. I'm not a sheep. That's gay. That's gay. You're like, why?
He's like, just because.
Yeah.
I'm not a sheep.
He's not a sheep.
Let's go.
Will, I see your tweet.
Part Army, stand up.
Look at the, just already.
It's just all the-
Five minutes.
Dude, then they'll go get other people for you.
Oh, I gotta-
You wanna put a hit out on Rick?
Yeah, get him.
Get Rick.
Should Bart Rick?
Oh, he would hate that.
Oh, that would- Bart, why don't we Bart Riggs. Oh, he would hate that. Oh, that would.
Bart, we go after you.
Oh, my God.
Will, give him the green light.
All right.
Remember, this is a very.
Activate.
We'll activate the Bart Army.
Say the word.
That's the thing.
Teddy's just looking at it the wrong way.
We have a speaker.
We can use.
The Bart Army can go to different places in the internet for us.
We can go to the corners.
We don't want to go ourselves.
Yeah.
Bart Army will show up, get in the dark recesses.
They're like SEAL Team 6.
Bart Army.
Like the little hunchback guy from 300 who turned on the Spartans.
Yeah.
I will go get the onions for you.
I'll find them.
I've never seen a boo.
I fucked with that hat.
That's the guy.
Those are the onions, in my opinion.
Couldn't even raise a shield.
He tried.
He wanted to be a boo.
Yeah, let's go.
Sad Bart, though.
That's all the Barts use.
That's Josh Allen Bart.
He's just looking down.
He's getting booed.
That's okay.
You getting a Titus?
Yeah.
It's been bad.
All you got to do is just join up.
Join up in Bart Army.
I will not do that.
Change your avatar to an onion.
I haven't seen one onion guy.
There was like two and they were so sad.
A bunch in our chat.
Really? Yeah, JC, Deez N these nuts one of them sent me uh this by the way was built like shout out to onion boys there there's sometimes
when when the yak chat is like oh like this is boring this part versus onion was built for the
yak chat yeah they could we could talk about this forever and they'll just Barton Onion in the chat all day. That's our people.
Send me this.
Try not to convert me.
Oh, TJ.
Here we go.
This is like when the mom takes a picture with the jersey on when they go visit.
Look at it.
This could be you, TJ.
Put it on the Jumbotron.
Damn.
I'm excited to see where this goes.
It's probably going to go nowhere. Of course. Don't whip me up something. You're whipping up probably gonna go nowhere of course whip me up something you're whipping up something right now whip me up something
keep calm and part on
that's pretty good they're pretty fucking good damn
oh man what else we got we're taping a so next week we're going to do live yak Monday, Tuesday,
and then we're going to tape a Thanksgiving hybrid draft something
that we're going to tape later this afternoon for Wednesday.
So we'll have shows Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Brandon's staying late.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're working.
We're working for the people.
We're working.
Tommy will be working late. Oh, Yeah, we're working. We're working for the people. We're working. Tommy will be working late.
Oh, yeah.
He often does.
No doubt.
Yes, he does.
He often does.
You want to go ice skating with me next week?
Could.
All right.
That'd be fun.
Why don't you do that?
Chicago Ice Skating Path opens up this week.
Really?
Yeah.
It's like a walking path, but like, oh, that's awesome.
Yeah, it looks awesome.
So much fun.
I'm going to have an ice skating
behind my house
on the lake.
When?
It's pretty warm.
Get him.
His right arm
and my left.
Oh boy,
he's got you.
Wrist control, dude.
Here we go.
That was fun.
It got interesting at the end.
That was fun.
Us two Barts, we can't fight.
No, I'm Bart.
Yeah, we're both Barts.
Yeah.
Frankly, I didn't feel cool enough to be a Bart, but I would like to be a Bart.
Get ready to learn Bart, buddy.
So what do you tweet to join Bart Army?
You just say I'm part army.
Say I'm a sheep.
Say I'll do whatever anybody tells me to do.
Parts.
Yeah, look at that.
Dicing that onion.
The fuck out, buddy.
You suck at your job.
Oh, my God.
Did I do a brat arm?
What was the original tweet?
Down with onions.
These are just Titus's mentions right now.
Yeah, I didn't tweet anything.
I don't even really use Twitter that much anymore.
Just your fucking mentions.
Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart.
That's my favorite one.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Look at how cool Bart looks there.
I'm in.
Somebody make me a Rutgers, Bart.
I'm in.
Oh, let's go, TJ.
Oh, you had a Rutgers onion first, TJ.
Nah, this is way more funny.
Stephen, are you?
I always hated onions.
No.
Oh, my God, I'm getting destroyed.
Stephen, are you a Bart?
I like onions the food, but I think I'm a Bart guy.
Okay.
Oh, wait, I found the head onion.
It's Jay Shmurda at Cyclone Retro SN.
Oh, head onion.
Has he just given up?
He's the founder of the onion.
Head onion in charge.
Got to get in contact with that guy.
He's so old.
Oh, it's like Paul.
Paul Bart.
It's a play on words.
I love it.
I love it.
You do so many things that.
I'm trying to think.
Yeah, it hurts my head to do.
Yeah, I know you can do so many things. I can't do anything. It hurts my head to do but yeah I'm not I know you can do so many things
I can't do it hurts my head yeah the thing I love most about this is it has staying power like I see
this being a thing for years and years yeah at least it's definitely gonna be something that
like five or six o'clock that's what makes it so funny to me it won't make it through the
tape and just a little bit we're gonna make so many references yeah what the fuck was that dude what are you guys talking about hey those burritos were good
they were i can only eat half of it that was like a really high quality burrito it was a solid
burrito yeah it's called the hangover what all was in there i don't know where we got it from
is there chorizo dude the bard army's you don't fuck with us you say that like you're not part of
it well i'm part of it i just you know i don't feel like I've been on it long enough to
You don't believe in it
I want to be the guy that funds the war
But is not in it
I just want to benefit from it
How do I do that
George Soros
Oh did you guys see George Santos
Used all his money for OnlyFans
Yeah the OnlyFans
Yeah Zod that was awesome
Love that
He took all his campaign money.
I mean, it's a government stimulus I can get behind.
Yeah.
That's bullshit that they're doing.
So he's funding his OnlyFans page or he's spending it on?
On OnlyFans.
Wait, on women's OnlyFans?
Well, is he gay?
I just think he likes OnlyFans creators, any of them.
They release it, yeah.
I raided his dick? U.S. Congressman. Oh, any of them. He's supporting the arts. They released, yeah. I rated his dick.
U.S. Congressman.
Oh, that's awesome.
Wait, no.
That's awesome.
I rated his dick.
Someone pointed it out, though.
Like, if you give money to George Santos, like, yeah, he's going to use it for OnlyFans.
Yeah, that's on you.
I rated his dick.
He didn't say I rated his small dick.
How does that work?
She didn't, Kyle.
What do you mean, how does it work?
He's sitting pretty.
That's like if somebody just calls your dick a dick i get so pumped anytime someone says it's kyle's dick instead of small way better
yeah he's he's uh he's wilding out there he's's never done anything right, and I love it.
It's great.
Yeah.
He's basically the definition of, like, Shane Gillis' tweet,
guys aren't allowed to have fun anymore.
That's all he does.
He just does fucking.
Who's this?
George Santos, an elected congressman from New York.
You had him on, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, PFT had him on macrodosing.
Yeah, he lies about everything.
Because he got, like, arrested or something, right?
I think he's under investigation.
He's the guy who, when they asked,
he said that his family died in the Holocaust,
and then someone did reporting and was like,
you're not even Jewish.
And he's like, I said I was Jew-ish.
That's so funny.
He's hilarious.
And then he got, there was a picture of him cross-dressing yeah
and what did he say like he liked to party he said he liked to party wasn't cross-dressing
yeah he said it's also his lies are very funny because he's like he said he was like an incredible
college volleyball player from peru college which is that college right by the office in new york that
glennie balls dropped out of like it's like no one even knows it and he was like yeah like i got
bad knees from my days playing volleyball at peru college everyone's like dude no you didn't
he's crazy he's fucking crazy just like elected official he caned official. He can't stop. He can't stop.
He's got so many like that.
He just... How many weirdos are out there in politics
that just haven't been outed as complete?
All of them?
Whack everyone.
Every single one of them.
I don't pay attention enough to it,
but every time I hear about one of these guys or gals,
I'm like, Jesus, they're all fucked up.
Crazy.
Yeah, it's a different world.
I'm Jew-ish is such a great response to that.
Ish.
Wanting to be a politician should be the biggest red flag.
The second you want to do it, it's just like, oh.
There's a problem, and we need someone to solve it.
And I think that I am uniquely qualified, more so than anybody else, to solve this problem.
Give me the power.
Give me the power. Yeah the power i can't yeah love
watching tv shows about it though yeah i was just checking the cards game of thrones that's that
netflix knock night agent is yeah i didn't i just realized that like last week do what the the
at the beginning of all the Netflix episodes. That's his?
No, it's not.
No way.
It's Frank Underwood hitting the desk.
No way. No way.
Oh, wow.
No, it wasn't House of Cards and HBO show?
No.
It wasn't Netflix.
That might be true.
Are you sure on that?
Ish.
The way everybody was reacting.
The way everybody was reacting and you kind of like got a little straighter.
Yeah, you're like, wait, hold on.
That can't be right.
It's like the tank doll thing.
It's like, no, no.
It's like tank doll.
I don't know if it's real.
There's nothing worse than having that one friend who tells you shit
and then you go tell everyone else.
You're like, nah, dude.
Fuck.
Who'd you hear that from?
I think that's real.
I thought it was older than, like it wasn't their first show.
They had the knock before Hard Knocks.
Did they, though?
What was it?
What's the show?
House of Cards.
It was one of the first ones.
House of Cards is pretty old.
I'm about to find out.
I mean, it was so old that Kevin Spacey was in it.
I thought, I mean, it was probably 2011.
It doesn't even really sound like a guy knocking on a desk, though.
Let's Google it.
I'm Googling it. It doesn't look like it like a guy knocking on a desk. Let's Google it.
I'm Googling it.
It doesn't look like it.
Netflix, intro, sound, origin, house of cards.
Oh, okay, Kyle.
All he said was what he was Googling.
There's multiple videos.
That's why Will is the best hype man. I love him.
Okay.
I love having him around.
He's the best hype man. He's like, yeah, go off, man. I love him. Okay. He's the best hype man.
He's like, yeah, go off, Kyle.
I love having him around.
That's it, bro.
That's it.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Netflix VP Todd Yellen banging his wedding ring against the wall.
Oh.
Hold on.
It's going to play.
That's it.
Now, yeah, that's the knock.
That is it.
Case closed. Bartz. Yes, sir. that's it now yeah that's the knock that is it case closed
barts yes sir nice nice nice deflection there barts what's so about the barts have you guys
seen suits yeah they're too handsome i get self-conscious i can't i'm in a group chat with
you about yeah yeah yeah hey i'm uh that was when rico was still talking toward the end of seven i gave up at like five see i i don't think it's it's like when when people don't watch
game of thrones until they watch at the very end and they watch it in succession they're like oh i
don't think season eight was that bad um i feel like that about suits like i'm still i'm still
pretty invested i just feel like starting from scratch and doing nine seasons in a row is a lot
to binge a lot to binge.
A lot to binge.
About four or five was my limit.
So I'll go back to it later.
Yeah.
Is Tommy into anime?
You know he is.
He started One Piece?
Childhood.
Yeah.
That has like 2,000 episodes.
He told you, he talked to you about One Punch Man.
Yeah.
That's anime, right?
We bond over that.
One Punch Man.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, it rocks.
What was the game that they, the show that they integrated into Fortnite?
It's an anime show, big time anime show.
I'll find it out.
My Hero Academia.
My favorite.
Well, you know, we should get going now.
Kyle's back.
Risk.
Oh, we should get Risk going.
I played a lot.
We could never, we couldn't figure it out to get a group going.
You ended up playing it by yourself on the app?
Yeah, I did.
Risk is fun.
The Risk is a good game.
Cool game. We'll get it going. Let's get it going. We'll get it going. Is there an Xbox here or a PlayStation? Yeah, I did. Risk is fun. The risk is a good game. Cool game.
We'll get it going.
Let's get it going.
We'll get it going.
Is there an Xbox here
or a PlayStation?
Yeah, right there.
I got it in front of us.
PS5 right there.
I got a PlayStation 2
in the studio if you'd like.
Yeah, it's like
the closest thing to you.
Attack on Titan.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They did do a Fortnite thing.
I haven't seen it.
They did that.
They did Naruto.
I'm not an anime guy, but they were like, all my anime buddies are like, you need to
watch that show, Attack on Titan.
They say that, and I just know I can't.
And I can't either.
I just don't get it.
Yeah, I don't know.
You guys watch Dragon Ball Z?
Love.
No.
Love it.
No.
The ones who are in it are like, it's the greatest show of all time.
It's fun.
It's a good time. They like the aesthetics. There's episodes where I'm just making noises. Is that the in it are like, it's the greatest show of all time. It's fun. It's a good time.
There's episodes that I'm just making noises.
Is that the guys that are like?
Yeah.
There's like full episodes that I'm just charging up.
It's a full episode.
Because you know how everybody gets in the superhero, who's the best superhero, the toughest.
People are always saying Goku.
Somebody drops Goku and it's kind of like, I mean, nobody really, the whole conversation, nobody knows who it is.
Vegeta?
Vegeta, Goku.
The other guy?
The boys.
Which one's got the wiener head?
Which one's like bald-headed?
Krillin?
Krillin.
Yeah, he dies all the time.
That's the one I like, I think.
Why?
Because he looks like Patrick from SpongeBob a little bit.
Oh, that's Majin Buu.
There you go.
Yeah, I think.
Talk about poppers.
I'd rather be talking about poppers.
I still don't even know what poppers are.
You guys were talking about this.
Is it booze?
I think it's sold as a nail polish remover in head shops.
And it's little bottles and your asshole loosens.
Gets you kind of loopy.
It's like GHB for now.
That's the goal of the popper?
Yeah, it's big in that community.
Gay community?
That's interesting.
That's probably why I didn't know about it.
We should go grab some.
We should do a popper day.
I drank it in Athens, Ohio.
What?
They were just passing it around
when I was in college
and I took a sip
and they're like,
yo.
You're the gayest.
So cool, dude.
What dibs on Kyle?
Come here, let me get you home, bud.
Every hole you have is going to be dilated.
Yeah.
Whoa, dude.
Good belly laugh.
Oh, fuck. Whoa. Okay, they're targeting me. I'm a Bart. Good belly laugh Oh fuck
Whoa
Okay they're targeting me
I'm a Bart
That's enough
Should we spin the wheel
We're gonna tape another
Yeah
There we go
I'm into that
That's tough
I want Bart bleeding
That onion is sick
Whoa
All those women
In the picture with Bart Have asses that look like what?
Wow.
Uh-oh.
Wow.
That's it.
Grass.
What?
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
It's all onion, he said.
Can we call this stupid yet, or are we?
No.
No, what are you talking about?
Never.
Come on, man.
We got like an hour left?
How much?
I don't know what time it is.
Oh, that's badass.
You don't like looking at all the, you don't like doing this, Brandon?
It's it.
Okay, Brandon.
Yeah.
Now he's on full circle.
I'll say it, Rabardin.
Pretty good. They've done it. They've on full circle I'll say it Rabarded Pretty good They've done it
They've gone full circle
Alright yeah
Let's spin the wheel
Cause we're
Yeah we're gonna tape
Another yak for the people
For next Wednesday
Little hybrid draft
Take a little break
And then come back in the yak
Yeah
Three o'clock
We're gonna come back
Do a little yak
Me and Will
Gotta get a dog walk
We do
We do
Oh
Oh yeah Okay Oh That's We've got to get a dog walk. We do. We do. Oh. Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, that's...
So, Kyle.
Yeah, you'll like this.
Kyle?
Go ahead.
Have you ever been mousetrapped?
No.
Well, let's find out who gets it.
Eliminator?
Yeah.
All right.
Why are we still doing this?
It's kind of funny.
It's very funny.
It's very funny.
Oh, wait.
Do we have the big inflatable room?
Oh, it's probably at the old office.
You've got to bring it.
Yeah.
Yes.
What is it?
I bought a cash cube that you blow it up and cash goes everywhere and you have to grab it.
I think it's awesome.
If we retire it,
stuff,
I want to,
I want a stinky cloud it,
but it would be like a stinky storm because it would have,
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Do it outside.
Yeah.
We got to get that.
Yeah.
We got to get someone to go get that.
I'll get spider to go grab that.
That thing rules.
Yeah.
We did a whole episode.
I put a thousand dollars of ones in there.
Grabbing them.
Whatever you can grab.
And then we started throwing mousetraps in there.
Oh, that's very fun.
Oh, wait.
I saw you do this.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was one of the worst experiences of my life.
It made it go on Zoloft for three weeks.
It drove my anxiety through the roof, and it kind of ruined a couple of weeks.
So funny, though, wasn't it?
I hated every bit of it.
That video gave me anxiety.
Yeah, I know.
And imagine what it did to me.
You were in there with the mousetraps?
I was.
Oh, it was so funny.
Blindfolded, grabbing money, and there's mousetraps on the ground.
No, they were throwing them in the air.
Did you get hit?
Were you getting hit?
Yeah, no, of course I was getting hit.
Because Brandon has a serious phobia of loud noises,
like loud sudden noises.
Balloons popping.
Yeah, like balloons popping.
It's really funny.
We prayed on that, and it was very funny.
Anytime we can do this, it's just terrific.
I really enjoy it.
Psychological torture, really.
I still have the Zoloft, so I guess I could. Team guy, team guy.
No, I fucking hate every bit of this.
All right, TJ, you want to spin the wheel?
It's so funny.
See who gets the mousetrap?
So it's elimination wheel, Kyle, so it's last name that's left on the wheel.
So you want your name to be picked.
There you go, Brandon.
All right.
There you go, Brandon.
See?
I was going to do it.
Wait, wait, you don't have both Kyles.
Oh, redo.
Oh, no, we're not redoing i have kb and
then i have kb okay i thought it was gonna be a moot wheel all right not moot at all okay
do you have nicky smokes on there yeah he has to be on there
oh shoot yeah come on we gotta redo it then yeah we gotta is this zombie you're not restarting you
did the other day where somebody had to reset. Okay, we won't restart.
You're good, Brandon.
Ah, my boy, Zah.
Do you have a mousetrap back there?
It's over.
It's me.
Do you have one, Steven?
It's a new mousetrap, too, because it hurts.
Yeah, bring it out here.
Have Titus set it.
Fresh out the box.
I feel like Nicky smokes with somebody we can just put out traps for.
We would do it naturally.
Kyle!
Way to go.
Fuck!
Justice.
I wouldn't mind seeing- Come on, Will, you're next, Will!
I wouldn't mind seeing Will get trapped.
Oh, Will. You're next, Will. I wouldn't mind seeing Will get trapped.
Oh, damn.
If he wasn't on the wheel, that would have been me.
Yeah.
DJ.
I'm still not worried at all.
Nope.
Not worried at all.
I kind of like it.
Yeah. I had of like it. Yeah.
I had fun last night.
KP.
Mm-hmm. Will, you feeling nervous? A little nervous?
Got me, KP. Oh, my bad.
My bad. Your left eye worked?
My eyes don't work.
Come on, Bill.
Titus.
Oh, and there were four.
Is this going to happen in front of us today?
Someone has to put their finger in the mousetrap.
And they have to act like a mouse going to do it.
Keep running.
Keep running.
Keep running.
Keep running.
Let's go.
Keep running.
Keep running.
Look at Chase.
Shit.
You want to see me go down, BC? I did. I did. I did. I'm good, though. Look at Chase. Oh. Shit. You want to see me go down, BC?
I did.
I did.
I did.
I'm good, though.
Look at that.
Look at that.
No problem.
You don't like it any more than I do.
Oh, boy.
I don't think I...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, hey.
Best of four. four
that's good nick you don't want well if you get swept 20 i have to put my in it it's one oh
oh i did what what is it what four best for just, hey, just called it a cock. Yeah.
Nick, one-one.
No cock.
Let's go, Nick.
Let's go, Nick.
Let's go, Nick.
Let's go, Nick.
That's a sweetest shield.
You're the guy, Nick. Goddamn right.
You're the guy, Nick.
We're in Pokemon.
That's a quick ball.
Fuck!
You want to say?
You all right, Nick?
A lot of ball left.
A lot of ball.
There we go.
A lot of ball.
2-2, 2-2.
A lot of ball, kid.
A lot of ball left.
First to four.
First to four.
First to four.
This is a very important game.
You got this, Nick.
Oh!
3-2.
We're just being so mean to Jay Rooting so hard for him
It already happened to me once
Oh that's true
Oh no
Game's settled
Oh
And it all comes down to this
And we'll see you tomorrow night
Let's wrap
I gotta
Fucking
We gotta do dog walk
Hang on
Hey little mousey
Hang on what?
You never know
Hey little mousey mouse
Ooh
Here comes the mouse
Little mouse
Don't take it
Don't eat that mouse
Ooh
Ooh
A little cheesy.
Cheese.
Little cheese.
Curious.
He's a curious little mouse.
Oh, boy.
He wants to take that cheese.
Oh, the mousy mouse.
Oh, it seems like the mouse is nervous.
All right. And that's the acquisition for tomorrow. All right.
And that's the
accuracy.
Great game. It's the act. It's the act.
Get your straws, yeah.
Silence, hey.
For a while, let's react.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop.
We're doing Yankee Swap.
It's the act.
It's the act. Hey, see you later, Bart gang. Bart.