The Yak - The Big 3 Step Into the Octagon | The Yak 4-28-22
Episode Date: April 28, 2022Meatball Molly 10xYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
All right, it's the Yak.
It is...
The Big Four.
The Big Four.
The Big Four.
Rude Boy and Sass, King of New York.
Is it me or do you feel a draft in the room today?
It's a little drafty.
It's pretty cold.
It's been cold over...
God damn it, he's talking about the fucking NFL draft.
Oh. Zinger, right off the He's talking about the fucking NFL draft. Oh.
Oh.
Got me there.
Zinger, right off the bat.
Right off the fucking rim.
I got it.
Before we get started, yeah, whatever.
I don't know.
Tank, you threw me off.
Threw me way off.
It is, in fact, Tank Thursday.
Here's what I was going to say.
You guys failed.
You guys failed.
Tank Thursday is happening happening as it does
on thursdays and it could have been tank on an edible it could have been uh tank high as fuck
it could have been frank over there just doing whatever high people do but you only got to 73.9
you didn't get to 80 so what do you mean whatever high people do whatever high people do like you
weren't fucking cheech and chong out in la for. for that. I don't remember. I don't. That's not really.
Never seen someone smoke that much weed.
First of all, I didn't smoke that much weed.
Okay.
We had a great setup.
You smoked more weed in a week than I have in my entire life.
My room was right by the pool.
I had a couch right by my room, so I would just sit on the couch, and weed would just
show up.
Weed would just show up.
You were coming out looking for it.
Oh, I was looking for it, yeah.
But I was away from the kids.
I was away from the wife.
Yeah, I had a good time.
I had a very, very chill week out in L.A.
Although the one time I smoked a little bit too much, went to my room,
ordered three pizzas from three different places,
and at one point I thought the room was the only place on earth.
I thought I was never going to get out.
Yeah, that's a horrible feeling.
Yeah, so that was one night that got a little rough.
Other than that, it was a wonderful time.
And I can't wait for the next barstool trip where I can just smoke weed.
Yeah, burn up.
Where's the Super Bowl next year?
It's in Phoenix.
Oh, nice.
That'll be fun.
Yeah, so it'll be...
Where you been?
Phoenix is cool. Yeah, it looks cool. I've. Yeah. So it'll be... Where you been? Phoenix is cool.
Yeah, it looks cool.
I've always...
I've wanted to go, but, you know, hopefully next year.
The Yak life in the Grand Canyon.
That'd be awesome.
You could do that.
That'd be beautiful.
That would be sick.
Think you'd tear up at the edge of the Grand Canyon just looking out at it like Ron Swanson?
No.
He said that crying is only acceptable at funerals in the Grand Canyon.
It's the only place where crying is acceptable.
I don't think I would cry at the Grand Canyon.
Have you seen the Grand Canyon?
Absolutely.
Have you seen it from the air or have you seen it from the Grand Canyon?
From the Grand Canyon?
Oh, yeah.
Not like from a plane.
Well, some people have flown over it and say, I'm just saying, you would be that guy.
Boots on the ground that guy boots on the ground
boots on the ground with grand canyon yep the whole che family or just you uh me and my wife
pre-kids oh just driving out old days and that's beautiful buddies too i've gone twice just
fucking all over the grand canyon steven che i don't get it's so long where do you like what
part like entry points and like what is. Is it all just lookouts?
We didn't go in and, like, ride donkeys.
We just, like, just saw the views.
It's like, you sit there for a couple minutes, like, all right.
It's an incredible sight to behold.
Why didn't you, like, have a picnic or something there?
Yeah.
I mean, we ate.
There's, like, dining indoors and stuff like that.
It's not, like, a hike you would necessarily just do.
But there are some hikes you can take down, right?
You can ride donkeys and stuff like that. You can do the river ride too, right?
You can do the river thing.
It's not a very hilly area though, is it?
No, it's not.
No, it's all flat.
It's flat as fuck.
All the ground.
Yeah.
I've only seen it from an airplane.
I've seen it like four or five times from an airplane.
It's pretty fucking dope.
What are you trying to do?
With what?
With this little mustache.
Oh, dude.
I'm in the midst of a rebrand at the moment are you yeah well you're at the very beginning of it huh pass mustache what'd you say
so i do on the train with a sick mustache i wish i could grow a mustache mine's not good dude well
the problem is i wasn't i was growing out the mustache look at the tv it's not great yeah i'll
say this it's barely enough to get away with rocking it.
If it were 1% thinner, it wouldn't go.
So what's the rebrand here?
Are you just going to be a mustache guy?
Yeah, I'm just rebranding as a mustache guy.
West Elm Caleb.
West Elm Caleb is my hero.
He's an inspiration.
But yeah, no, I was shaving this morning,
and I was trying to line up my beard, and I fucked it up.
And so I just had to shave the whole thing,
but I've been working on the mustache for so long, I couldn't do this in it. You shaved that this morning and I was trying to like line up my beard and I fucked it up and so I just had to shave the whole thing but I've been working on the mustache for so long I couldn't you you you
shaved that this morning yeah you not have a razor that actually I used a buzzer I use a buzzer oh
you okay so you were clipping this morning yeah I was clipping it up clipping like Lamar Odom
yes yeah okay yeah like Grayson Allen did you at least laugh a little bit
that's a pity laugh if i've ever heard one darius miles wasn't darius miles and q rich
went richardson then they were they were one of the first sports reality shows like the season
or something that where it followed them uh oh all the time and it was like on espn or two or
something yeah and it had that guy that always wears like snake skin coats
and the cowboy hats with the white hair at the clippers games yeah you you would know him if
you saw him as as an nba frankie muniz you're not an nba fan because you think steph curry's not a
fucking superstar you know uh i don't like that narrative steve nash uh when he goes to the grand
canyon he gets lost because he they because he doesn't know the difference between his ass and
the grand canyon a hole and the Grand Canyon.
A hole in the ground?
Well, first of all, Frank, he spent many years in Arizona.
I feel like Steve Nash probably visited the Grand Canyon several times.
But he still can't find the difference between his ass and the Grand Canyon.
Or a hole in the ground.
A gigantic hole in the ground.
Is 127 hours they take place in the Grand Canyon
or is that somewhere else?
No, I think that's in the mountain range, right?
And I think it actually happened
like in Utah where you read rocks.
Oh.
I think that was in like the Moab area.
Never seen it.
I'll never watch that movie.
I don't know.
The way you said that
was very douchebag like.
Moab area?
I think that was actually
in the Moab area.
I mean, that's sort of
my neck of the woods.
Blue John Canyon,
Southeast Utah. Yeah. How long do you think you guys could go without eating not 127 hours you
don't think you could yeah i guess i guess i actually could i actually last that long probably
but boy it would destroy me but it wasn't like he had an option shay it wasn't right yeah no for
sure i'm about to do a uh like next next week, I'm trying to go keto,
and the guy that I talk to for my workouts and stuff,
he told me I have to do a 48-hour fast to start it out,
which I guess launches your body into ketosis off rip.
And I'm pretty worried about the 48-hour fast.
I think it's pretty fucking difficult.
What's going on with you?
I'm just trying to...
You having a midlife
crisis? No, I'm rebranding
and I'm trying to shape up, dude. Is it just
bikini season coming up? Are you just going to be in a lot of
hot dogs wrapped in bacon? I'm just like,
yeah, dude, it's going to be avocados and chicken.
You're doing Hot Boy Summer. Yeah, why wouldn't
I? That's what you're doing, Hot Boy Summer.
That's exactly what you set
out in a notebook somewhere in your house.
It says, hot boy summer.
These are my plans.
Yeah, 100%.
I sent my guy a picture of Matthew McConaughey.
I said, this is the inspo.
Get me there.
Dallas Buyers Club?
Yes.
Yes.
No, the one in, yeah, I'm going to be paper thin.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm doing good, man.
Doing really good.
This keto diet, I love it.
I feel so good.
I'm like pale as fuck when i
graduated high school i i tried to get in like super good shape and i thought that like keto
was like the best way to get like jacked which it isn't it's like that's like how you lose a
bunch of weight i was trying to gain weight and i just like ended up i probably weighed like 130
pounds going into college everybody goes through a keto phase at some point, right? You have B12 as a keto, isn't it?
It felt awesome.
Is it off-brand keto?
Isn't keto mainly like protein, like no carbs type thing?
It's high fat.
Low carbs.
Zero carbs?
I thought it was low carbs.
I can proudly say that I have never had a keto phase.
You're frank?
Yeah.
I think it's zero carbs, right?
Or is it low?
You can do one.
There's like three styles.
There's one where you cycle carbs one day a week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But overall, it's like zero carbs, and it's only fat and only protein.
Yeah, you use fat as your energy source.
Exactly.
So it's like you're just giving your body straight only fuel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When we were in Chicago last week, White Sox Dave was trying to tell people he was doing ketosis.
Of course. And then he ate nine hot dogs on stage
in front of a thousand people.
Buns? Yep.
As long as you take away the buns, you're good
actually.
That was actually a penalty.
It wasn't voluntary.
That is what he got for cheating.
Cheating. Aggressively cheating.
That has to be confirmed. They were horrible.
Right, no, it's absolutely confirmed.
It's absolutely, he cheated. Fine, it's done.
I watched the video, I was like,
yeah, he cheated. 100%.
Yes, I was the same way, Seth.
I didn't speak up about it, but
he definitely did. He 100%
did. I would do the same thing, that's why I don't do
trivia. I like that you
just say it, though.
Guys, if I come on, I'm going to cheat.
TJ, do you have the tweet that you and I talked about?
The mascot one?
No, the one I just texted you about.
Oh, no.
We didn't talk about that.
We did.
You told me about it this morning.
Oh.
That tweet.
The one you told me about, and I said, okay, we'll get that ready for the Yak. There's been a lot of conversation in the office recently about moving
and who might do Chicago and who might not do Chicago.
We talked about it on the Yak yesterday.
We're not going to talk about it again.
But the Dave Portnoy show on there, they tweeted out a picture of Frank the Tank
photoshopped onto Will Smith's body in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air at the end
where he's in the New York office and he's just looking around.
Nobody's there.
Oh, yeah.
Frank, you responded.
Yes.
Responded quite well, by the way.
So that's the day Portnoy show where Frank is in the New York office.
He's looking around and nobody's there.
And can we see Frank's response?
Oh, this is me in the New York office.
That's pretty awesome, Frank.
I'm the captain now.
Yes.
You going to run shit in New York?
That's right.
I think that you're going to encounter a couple ops, though.
I think Tommy's going to come for that spot.
He's mentioned to me that he's going to be running shit.
I think Nate's going to put a fucking spot. He's mentioned it to me that he's going to be running shit. I think Nate's going to put a fucking...
Nate's never in the New York office.
Nate's never here.
Tommy, you can just throw a little bell on there for an old puppy.
Play with it for about ten minutes.
Hell yeah, dude.
I'm looking forward to this power struggle.
There's a vacuum forming.
What is your path towards dominance in the New York office?
Is it going to be easy?
Well, if all the kings leave, I have the crown.
Why not?
Actually, what if we bring the crown with us?
He actually has the crown, the trivia crown.
True.
That's true.
The king in the east.
I am the king.
Bow down before me.
Oh, Jesus.
What kind of, do you have any changes you would implement?
Like, what kind of regime would you be planning?
There would be a hot dog cart in the lobby every day.
Yeah, we'll be getting, we'll be doing that.
We'll be bringing in a soda machine.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck yeah.
It is amazing we don't have a soda machine.
I know.
I was actually just thinking that when he said that.
I'd love to get Frank's take on this.
A lot of people like fountain soda better.
Like at the movies, you get all that stuff.
I prefer canned or bottled way more.
Of course.
Much more of a consistent taste.
Especially if you're getting like a Coke.
What would be the number one soda thing you could have in this office?
Would you like a big fountain like you see at the movie theaters, or you want just bottles?
The bottles actually are good. Let's go. They are very good. I you see at the movie theaters, or you want just bottles? The bottles actually are good.
Let's go.
They are very good.
I put cans at the bottom.
I put fountains in between.
See, I go fountain, can, then bottle.
And bottle is the lowest by a lot.
The best soda ever made is the Coca-Cola in the glass bottle.
That little glass bottle.
That's the best soda ever made.
It looks cool to drink, but it's not the best.
You know what's good?
If you find a Mexican Coke.
I think Elon Musk is about to give us the Mexican Coke.
That's what he said yesterday.
Yeah, he did.
He's pissing me off, dude.
What's your problem with Elon?
He's so fucking lame, man.
That tweet made me laugh.
He's just like, I think he bought Twitter just to be cool.
Just to really make his Twitter profile go up.
Yeah, it's like, yeah.
His tweets are popping off now.
Exactly.
It's like, yeah, he's like a GM manager that puts himself in the game.
He just wanted to be cool on Twitter, so he bought them.
There's Pete Rose.
He's a player coach.
Yeah, three points.
I think the most liked tweet ever is only like five million likes, right?
Oh, that's why. Oh, no, no, no. He's going for that. That's not most liked tweet ever is only like 5 million likes, right? Oh, that's why.
Oh, no, no, no.
He's going for that.
That's not true.
That's not true.
100%.
Next time buying Coca-Cola, put the cocaine back in it.
What is the most liked tweet ever?
I think it's the Ellen selfie at the Oscars.
Fucking good one.
I would say there's like a BTS tweet or something that passed it.
Really?
The BTS, if you look at the BTS profile, every single one of their tweets gets like 8 million
likes.
That's K-pop?
Yeah.
It's insane. We were trying to figure this out last night do you guys know without looking what bts stands for obviously
behind the scenes but for that that band now and that sucks i heard him i don't know you don't want
to come out of bts relax okay sorry i think brandon actually is on to something with that one
they'll chew you up i'm. I don't want that smoke.
You're right.
Let's clip that and get that out there.
You do not want that static.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Let's not.
We're not clipping that.
It will ruin you.
All right.
Anytime, like, any celebrity is trending, if you look up, if you click on their name,
it's all just BTS tweets.
I'd rather beef with ISIS than them.
Yeah.
So could I put out a pro BTS tweet and just pop off?
Yeah, probably.
I don't know if they do pro.
I just have only seen them on the offensive, and they move swiftly.
Yeah.
They move swift.
Just move from planet to planet.
Just tweet out, we stan Jimin, BTS army love, or something like that, and they'll find you.
They'll find you.
This is the most likely.
They got scouts out there looking for you.
Yeah, see?
Only 7.2 million.
Only?
It's pretty low compared to other social
media platforms. What, Stephen?
I guess you're right, yeah. You don't think that's the most liked tweet ever?
Was that after he died?
Yeah, that was his death announcement.
Who tweeted it then?
Oh, God. The estate of Chadwick Boseman.
What does this have to do with anything?
It's going from? Oh, God. The estate of Chadwick Boseman. What does this have to do with anything? You think Chadwick... Okay.
It's going from his account, though.
What does that have to do with anything?
It's still the most liked tweet.
He didn't tweet...
I know, but I'm saying like...
Somebody in his family tweeted the damn thing.
Right.
Yeah, I know it's not a ghost, but like, why?
That makes me feel uneasy.
I don't like that.
Such a strange person.
Why wouldn't someone in his family just announce it?
Like, why is it coming from his family?
That was the announcement.
Because people in his family probably have, like, a dozen followers.
Yeah.
So, like, yeah, but I'm sure it would get, like, picked up by, like, everywhere.
No, there were already, we already knew that was just the official.
Hey, this is such a weird thing to have a take on.
That was the official statement from.
Oh, it was known that he was dead.
Right, that was the official statement.
That wasn't.
This is how Che found out that Chad was dead.
I think that was Schefter.
That's what I thought that was.
You're mad that Schefter didn't break the Chad Whitman death.
I thought that that was his account
breaking news that he had died.
You only think in breaking news
on Twitter. That's all you think about.
Yes.
Where was the Ellen one on that?
Not in the top ten.
Good.
Damn.
But Elon's got two.
Elon's got two this week in the top ten.
So that tweet's the fifth most liked tweet ever?
It just passed the Annie Monarchus.
Oh, so he's going to go get it.
He's going to get the crown.
It's Obama, Biden, Obama, and then the Bosman tweet.
It's going to be the lamest one of his two.
He's going to tweet someone like, he's going to be like, this ain't it or something yeah it's gonna just i don't know that john cook from bts
three out of kissy face 3.2 million likes oh we did it that one fucking rules is that the video
one oh that one i don't think i doubt it it is it's the video the combo one yes bts macaulay
just sitting in there look Look at the BTS.
And they're just thumbs up.
They just.
They tweet anything out and it gets.
Where is the, are you tougher than the sun?
Where, yeah, no, I was.
Yeah, are you tougher.
Fucking sun?
Yeah.
That would have been awesome if that was just thrown in the middle of that.
Yeah, like 25 on that list.
Yeah.
It's the way you're fucking sun.
How many did the fucking sun get?
I don't know. It didn't get a shit ton.
I don't think it got like a ton, but I think it's like people tweet it.
Like people steal it all the time and tweet it out and it goes viral.
It's like one of those tweets.
Imagine thinking you're tougher than the son.
Good tweet.
I feel like it was a couple hundred thousand.
Maybe like five, six hundred thousand likes.
I thought it was in the millions.
I thought it was like a million.
Four twenty.
No.
Oh, so not even close.
What's your biggest one, Sass?
The one of your nipples?
No, my biggest is probably 400,000.
I actually had one that got like 320.
Oh, really?
It was maybe one of the most mid-tweets I ever had.
Nick has a tweet that has 800,000 likes.
Yeah.
What was it about?
Don't remember.
I don't either.
But it was a mid-tweet, too.
Like, I don't think it was great.
No, I think it was pretty funny.
I remember when I did the worm.
That got a lot of likes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Worm plays, dude.
The worm always plays.
Yeah, my video got two and a half million likes.
And then, all right, can we just talk about it?
These pieces of shit.
The people behind the act just can't let me have a win.
I can't have a win.
You've got to put out a fake video of some of the worst CGI I've ever seen.
Look at this.
It was only a matter of time.
And look how many.
That's the worst CGI I've ever seen.
It's not even close.
Oh, that's funny.
Dude, I'd be real.
This one's even worse.
I'd be real.
It looks very real.
Look at this one.
That's hilarious. I thought that was real. real it looks very real i thought this one that's hilarious i thought that was real and it looks real shut up i really did think that was real as real as your mustache how
many likes does this have i got way too many views way too many this one's funny go straight
up straight down okay i didn't see that one that's's hilarious. That's the Yak.
Is that the Yak?
That has 360,000 views since 930 this morning.
Hey, numbers are numbers, baby.
I guess.
But just let me have a win.
Let me have my fucking video.
You had one, dude.
You nuked it.
I did.
Yeah.
Revel.
That was made by the guy that edited this graphic.
He got hired part time.
Congrats to him. Yeah, congrats.
That guy's been making. He just has been makingtime. Congrats to him. Yeah, congrats. That guy's been
making...
Fuck that guy. First thing he does when he gets hired
is come after me.
Brandon Walker, I'm one of these kings around here, Frank.
I'm one of these
fucking kings.
Yeah, if you stayed, you could
make a bid for the throne.
Let me tell you a secret about Brandon Walker.
I ain't staying in New York any longer than I fucking have to.
Yeah, you've made that clear.
You don't even live in New York.
Well, that's fine, but I ain't staying in Jersey any longer than I have to.
I am not built for that.
I like that picture.
That's my new Twitter header.
I mean, we're going to have one day these kids are going to go up to Dad.
Yo, want to go get some gobbledygook?
Forget about it.
Forget about it.
No, I don't even.
Some gobbledygook.
And it's just, you know.
Top cheese.
It's never worked with the kids.
It's just never really worked, you know.
Tommy's going to be hanging around the bodegas getting top cheeses.
Doing Brooklyn tweets.
Yeah.
Reading about Brooklyn barbecue. Bing bong. Yeah. Reading about Brooklyn barbecue.
Bing bong.
Wearing a do-rag.
Yeah, that would be awesome if we saw Tommy on a –
Welcome to Jersey Shore.
Is it sidewalk talk or whatever?
Welcome to Jersey Shore 2030.
Tommy Walker.
Tommy Walker.
I would sign up for that right now, actually.
If I can make that be his future, just be a Jersey Shore guy or just be on TV on Jersey Shore,
I would let Tommy do that.
Beat the shit out of all of them, but I'd let him do it.
That would be brutal.
Yeah.
That would be awful.
I get what you're saying, man.
If you knew your kid was going to be on a reality show.
If you could see in the future and 10 years from now they're going to be fucking on Jersey Shore on TV.
That would be tough.
Wait, why would you not want that?
Well, I don't know.
It's like easy money.
But of all the futures you could have for your kid, that's not the worst.
It's not really not.
As long as I can see the future and see he's not in prison, I think I've won.
Do you think Tommy's the most likely to end up in prison?
Oh, Tommy's the most likely to be president or prison.
That's his two options.
It's one of those two.
President or prison is a cool tagline.
President or prison.
It could go either way.
And fuck, that's politics.
I mean, a lot of them live on the line anyway.
Oh, boy.
The only difference between prisoners and politicians is that politicians just have connections.
Yeah.
So Tommy's 11. The 9-year-old is straight as an arrow, does everything right. Hey, go to bed. is that politicians just have connections. Yeah.
So Tommy's 11.
The 9-year-old is straight as an arrow, does everything right.
Hey, go to bed.
Gets up, goes to bed.
Make your bed.
He'll be trouble, though.
Yeah.
He'll sneak up on you.
I think he's just going to work at like an AutoZone for the rest of his 30 years.
He'll make decent living.
He'll make $40K a year and live in a nice three-bedroom house.
He'll be fine.
I don't have to worry about him at all.
So you don't plan on him living in New Jersey?
It's $40,000 New Jersey.
That's true.
Get you a broom closet. I wouldn't get you much, but I don't know.
But if you go to Chicago, they could turn into a life of crime.
Is there going to be Al Capone?
You think we're going to get Prohibition back?
We're going to be running beer and liquor across the city or what?
Yeah, something like that.
I don't know.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you bring them to like rural New Jersey.
I'm not in rural New Jersey.
I'd love to be in rural New Jersey.
I'm in dipstick New Jersey.
I'm in douchebag New Jersey.
Oh, really?
I don't know much about New Jersey.
It's a weird, scary place.
You know, there's actually zones of New Jersey.
Right.
I mean, you got Newark, which is the armpit of America.
The worst city I've ever seen.
It's awful.
It really is bad.
Dystopian.
I couldn't believe it.
I used to airport, though, in New York.
My father was a teacher in Newark, and he taught at a school called Warren Street School,
which was one of the older schools in Newark.
They had cabinets where they had pictures and photos from 1890.
Yeah.
So they closed the school.
They closed schools in Newark.
So they made it like American.
And everywhere else too, but yeah.
They made it American History High School,
and that only lasted a couple years.
It was a charter school.
And then they closed it in waiting for a new buyer.
NJIT wanted to tear it down to build dorms and parking.
But the Preservation Society was fighting them.
Where are we going with this?
Just a few weeks.
Okay, I'm sorry.
History lesson. So the Preservation Society
got an injunction granted
to
prevent NJIT from
tearing down the school.
Two days after the injunction was granted,
a squatter went into the school
and set a fire.
The worms
will be opening up next
fall. That's how JFC got what they wanted.
That's how things work in Newark.
Yeah.
It's a wild place.
There was a mansion, a 120-year-old mansion,
that the city of Newark got because the owners defaulted on it.
They didn't want to keep up with the mansion and the squatter,
and now it's going to be low-rent housing.
I wouldn't mind being a squatter.
I'm trending towards squatting with the way rent's going.
I'm worried that I'm going to get absolutely skull-fucked.
Do you think you can pull off squatting?
I don't know the rules exactly.
Apparently, you can't leave at all.
Ever?
Like, to go to work?
Yeah, so that would be a major issue.
Are there actual rules to squatting?
I was just saying.
That goes with your nightmare that you can't leave.
That wasn't a nightmare.
That was a very real.
I wasn't asleep, brother.
I was very awake, very awake, and just worried that that was going to be it for me.
So you were at the Hotel California?
No, I was –
Check out any time you want, but you can never leave.
Cecil?
What else we got?
Stephen Chay, what do you have?
We have the NFL draft show tonight.
Frank will be a part of that in some capacity.
Is Roan going to be here for it?
Roan says he believes he's going to be able to rally and get here.
And he has – I haven't talked to him today.
I talked to him yesterday.
Roan's been out sick.
Yeah.
He said that, I think he said he's feeling a little better, but.
Oh, I thought he was playing day off yesterday.
No, no, he's been sick.
No, no, he's been sick.
He got, he said he got really sick on, what was it, Tuesday?
Yeah.
Tuesday night.
I mean, Jay, if it comes down to it, man, you can handle it.
True.
I'll sub in.
I'm a fucking pro.
You're also. You guys have fucking pro. You're also.
You guys have any guests?
You're average.
Oh, yeah.
We got tons of guests.
We have musicians.
Chris DiStefano?
He was.
We had him last year.
I don't know if he's on the list this year.
After the falling out?
I would love to talk to Chrissy D about, you know, being a douchebag to the Yak Boys and
how wonderful I thought it was.
Called me a sex slave. Did he? Yeah. Were you here that day? That was a huge. I wasnbag to the Yak boys and how wonderful I thought it was. Called me a sex slave.
Did he?
Yeah.
Were you here that day?
I wasn't on the KFC radio.
I was in KFC radio.
Oh, that's right.
Let's just say I'll be wearing a lot of hats tonight.
A lot of hats.
Hell yeah, dude.
Do they say hat on them, all of them?
No, I think there's one right there.
We're not going to show it, but he's got one right there beside him.
He's collecting hats.
I've been seeing him collect hats all day.
You're a big hat guy.
I feel like you wear hats most of the time, don't you?
Yes.
Yeah.
You're also a big novelty hat guy.
Yes, I am.
You'll put anything on your head.
Yes, I would.
Okay.
All right.
Fair enough.
Frank, so we were talking about the Chicago thing,
and you put out the thing about New York and how you're going to be the captain now.
If you could pick anywhere in the country to go live, where would you go?
Would you just stay here?
Is this the number one spot for Frank the Tank?
Well, you know, they say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.
They do?
They do say that?
I don't know.
No, except for the first six months of my life,
I've lived in New Jersey or New York my entire life.
I can't.
So you're planted here.
I mean, I go visit my parents every now and then out in Idaho,
and my father's miserable out there.
My father went from this to rural Idaho, which is like the most.
Open fields and beautiful skies.
Yeah, well, my father hates it.
It's desolate.
I'd trade with that motherfucker.
What if Dave said, you know, Frank, why don't you come down to Miami with me?
I could do Miami.
Okay.
You're a Dolphins fan.
Yes.
Way to go, Rudy.
You're repping the set right now.
How did you become a Dolphins fan?
I'm a Dolphins fan, too.
It's mainly because of Dan Marino.
That's probably the biggest reason.
That's exactly what happened to me. I was five years old when he had his big season 1984 my mom bought me a
dan marino jersey and i was just a dolphins fan for the rest of my life bag where bag uh i turned
nine that season oh you're having a stroke damn dude that sucks say bandwagon i actually i actually
i actually was a dolphin fan a little bit before that.
I remember being a Dolphin fan because of the show Flipper.
It was, in fact, a Dolphin, yes.
And then they actually went to Super Bowl XVII losing to the Redskins.
They had the mud bowl against the Jets where A.J. Dewey was actually my favorite player at the time.
You know what I don't like about the show Flipper?
That noise they have the dolphin making Flipper is
used every time there's a dolphin
on TV. When Ace
Ventura had needed a dolphin noise
that was the noise. They just brought in the noise
from Flipper. When
Dave Chappelle had James
the very racist dolphin
they just used that noise.
It's the same noise for a dolphin on TV every single time.
And all dolphins have different noises.
They do.
All dolphins don't sound the same.
It'd be like all humans sounding the same.
I mean, but then again, they do that for the Wilhelm scream.
I was just about to say that.
The Wilhelm scream, they use it every, in like hundreds and hundreds of movies.
What is the Wilhelm scream? Is this just
the movie scream? Yeah, you'll know it.
It's like from an old movie.
It's the ahhh!
Yeah, and they use it. They've used it.
That one. I thought that was Zod for real.
I looked over and I thought
Zod just yelled.
Are you okay? Is that what it would sound like if you
yelled?
Maybe not. It depends on what I'm yelling about.
Hey.
So let's get to the crux of the matter here, the thing that we all are here for.
Stephen Che on other says, what's the best type of bubble gum?
Is it Bubblicious, Bubble Yum, Mondo?
I don't know what that is.
Bazooka, Big League Chew, or Double Bubble?
That is our other question for the day.
Why, Jay, just today was gum day?
Yeah, I think one of these stands out above the rest,
but I think there could be arguments made for other ones.
You think Big League Chew sticks out above the rest.
I'm predicting that about you.
Correct.
And, Sass, you are also a Big League Chew connoisseur.
I said Big League Chew, yeah. And Sass, you are also a Big League chew connoisseur. I said Big League chew, yeah.
You know what
my favorite gum was? What was it?
The hard
gum that was
in a pack of
baseball cards. That was never your favorite
gum, Frank. Yes, it was. Nobody's favorite gum.
That gum sucked.
That gum would tear your teeth up.
It would tear your gums up.
It was my favorite gum.
Why was?
What happened?
They don't do it anymore.
Fuck.
If I bought you a pack of 1987 Tops right now and gave it to you, would you chew the gum?
I've already done that on camera a few times. Oh, have you?
Yes, in fact, you would.
I think I like Bubblicious, but I don't remember which one it is.
Watermelon Wave.
In my youth, back in 1987 in Mississippi, they had a strawberry banana version.
Ew.
To save us.
That's a fantastic combination.
Strawberry banana is a great combination.
Look who it is.
Hey.
What's up, dude?
Hello.
You look...
Yeah, you don't look sick.
You look fine.
So where the hell have you been?
What the fuck you been doing?
What have you guys been talking about?
Well, we've talked about...
You guys look like you're up and talking.
We're talking about gum.
We're fine.
We're good.
We're good.
We're flowing, dude.
You know why he's sick?
Because the only thing that's going to be more embarrassing than the Brooklyn Nets going down like a bunch of –
He just walked in, Frank.
He just walked in.
Is becoming the first team to ever blow a 3-0 series lead.
This is your cameraman right here.
I'm Frank's whipping boy.
I'm Frank's number one bitch these days.
What's going on, Frank?
I thought that you and I had this nice rapport.
Not when it comes to Philadelphia.
I thought it was something like we get to take the Dolphins draft picks
and you get to have Tua Tungavailoa for the rest of his career
while he throws balls into the dirt for the rest of his life.
That's not right. Don't do that.
Not when it comes to Philadelphia.
By the way, thank you for providing the cushion for the New Jersey Devils.
Not going to finish in last place.
And thank you for Pete Alonzo.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Calm down.
We've all been getting along.
I'm lucky he's not whipping my ass right now.
He walked in.
He's like, there's my bitch.
How are you feeling?
Dude, I feel good.
It was fucking weird, dude.
I had a fucking devastating illness, non-COVID, for like one day.
And it had me like shivering under a blanket.
And now I'm like pretty much like getting better by the minute.
Just getting fucking faster by the minute.
You ready for tonight?
I'm super ready for tonight.
Oh, we got to.
You know, I was saying before, it's a bit drafty in this room today.
Frank, you are fucking...
Has it been like this all day?
Frank waited for the top of the...
He waited for the bottom of the hour to do his jokes over again.
Yeah.
Well, I didn't hear any.
We opened up with that one.
Yeah, we opened with that.
That was our opener.
Spin the fucking wheel.
Let's go ahead and do it.
You know, my favorite style of beer is on draft like a draft beer i want to leave just like to do the show
uh tj let's go ahead and get yeah there we go i need to make a comment on the wheel first people
are accusing me of rigging uh-huh because of the drama recently okay this is a statement from the
website all right i i believed you almost watson in the swirly wheel right they're accusing me of Because of the drama recently. Okay. This is a statement from the website.
All right.
I believed you.
You almost lost it in the swirly wheel.
Right.
They're accusing me of rigging it so that I don't lose.
Well, I mean, it is crazy that this random wheel landed, like,
right on that same swirly spot three days in a row.
Like, that was wild.
I believe that it's random, but it's – and didn't it do slap wheel twice in one show?
When you were doing the case race?
Yeah, case race.
Yeah.
But the wheel is...
You just came down with your illness again.
Okay.
No, I'm looking at your fucking socks, bro.
Don't call me out.
What's up with your socks?
You don't got to be...
What is up with his socks?
It looks like he's...
You got two different color socks on?
Rooting for Mississippi State, brother.
Look at those.
A little short on laundry.
You have a gray sock and is that a... And a maroon. Maroon sock? Throw them off, brother. A little short on laundry. You have a gray sock and a maroon.
Maroon sock?
Throw them off, brother.
No.
Both wool.
Let's see the full length.
Imagine they go all the way up to his knees.
No, one of them's knee high, one of them's ankle high.
Why don't you position your feet like you're a L.A. gangster?
Splay them out a little bit like a ballerina.
What up, Kurt?
What up, Custer?
We can actually turn.
Hey, look at my socks.
Oh, that's why they don't wear any.
Oh, fuck yeah.
You absolute dog.
Hold on.
I can turn my feet all the way around.
Please do.
I don't want to do it.
It's weird.
I'd really love to see it.
I'll do it when I'm sitting.
I'll do it as far as I can do it.
Push it.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
If I'm standing up, I can do it.
That looks crazy easy.
That's Rudy's bit.
That was my bit for a bit.
That's your bit?
I did it for a little bit, yeah.
But you had it for a bit.
You don't need to bit for longer than a bit.
Yeah.
You don't want to run the bit too far.
It's kind of like a gross thing.
Like, you don't want people to see you like that.
Being double jointed is gross.
Yeah.
People who are like, look what I can do.
They're like, your elbow touches their fucking armpit.
Yeah.
That shit's gross.
All right, spin the fucking wheel.
Nick texted me yesterday.
He told me that I'd have to be doing the swirly, so.
All right.
All right.
No, it's not you.
What?
It's Nick.
No, he told me that I'd have to be doing it.
Doing what?
Swirly.
Oh, okay.
So, I guess, so it came down to Nick and it. Doing what? Swirly. Okay. So I guess, so it came down to
Nick and TJ. Really?
It was touch and go. TJ took
a 3-0 lead and then
lost two in a row and looked like he was
going to... Oh, so like the Sixers.
There's a precedent for the Sixers to go
ahead and win. In game six, TJ came
through. Sixers are going to win tonight. Too many people
have settled on... I think the Sixers are going to win tonight. Too many people have settled on the opposite consensus.
It's like the better team can win games.
Well, I have bad news for you.
I picked the Sixers to win.
You're the luckiest man in show business.
He wins everything that he does.
What are you even talking about?
Except my bets lately.
They've been pretty bad.
I don't think so, Frank.
You're not about to reverse jinx me.
You're trying to reverse the reverse jinx.
I feel like you two have something going on.
There's beef here that's underlying.
I taught him how to play the piano,
and then suddenly this is like whiplash.
He's like Miles Teller fucking lashing back out at his coach.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Hmm.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I don't think that's quite it
And you know that Frank
Yes I do
Because
The pick is in
Let's see how they fuck it up
That was good
Go on to the game round?
Yeah I'm gonna go to the game, Ron? Yeah, I'm going to go to the game.
No, you're not.
He's going to be here for the draft show.
That's the last question.
He's not going to be able to watch the game.
What game are you talking about?
The Sixers game that's in Toronto?
I don't know.
Toronto?
He's all over the world.
He probably thinks you're all over the world.
Want to go to Texas next week?
Fuck, go to Texas.
When?
Next week.
What day?
Later in the week. Maybe. Or what? I thought you were going to Vegas next week? Fuck, go to Texas. When? Next week. What day? Later in the week.
Maybe.
Or what?
I thought you were going to Vegas next week.
I think I'm going to try to mix in a little Texas before I get to Vegas.
Texas-Vegas, actually?
Oh, for fun?
No, for maybe a neighborhood eats in West Texas.
Oh.
Damn, West Texas.
A little El Paso?
A little Lubbock?
I think that there's something called...
Does any of you know what koloshes are?
I've heard of it, but I don't know what it is.
What is a kolosh?
It's –
Is it like a bunch of paintings put together?
No, I just know that it exists.
I don't know what it is.
No, it's a food.
It's like a –
It's like an empanada?
Is that –
But it sounds Polish.
I think it's probably a Polish empanada,
but it's not an empanada at all.
It's just like that.
There's flakiness to it, and there's...
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck was that?
You got a white stuff on the side of your lip, too.
You know what was just gone?
What was that?
There's a middle to it.
There's a flakiness to it, and then there's a middle.
I almost died.
Oh, it's a quiche.
It's a pie.
It's like a quiche.
That looks dreadful.
That looks really good. That looks really good.
That looks great.
No, I actually think it might be busy next week.
You're not going to come and have that.
Well, isn't it true that the best barbecue was, Brandon?
Oh, it's in North Carolina, and then Brooklyn's number two.
Jesus.
There's a Fet sow in williamsburg
i was in texas at the time and texas people
had been mad when i said oh look at this great high school
football stadium and they said they just shit all
over me i saw a high school football stadium
thought it was cool put a picture up
and they shit all over me
they told me you're an idiot
that's not even one of our best 50
so then i'd give them the barbecue list
and i put te put Texas at like 9
and behind North Carolina and Brooklyn and the states of Kansas City
and Memphis, stuff like that.
What's the most famous barbecue city in Texas,
and what's their most famous item?
Because maybe I'll just pivot to doing like a good-ass barbecue.
Brisket is their most famous item in Texas, I think.
Texas brisket is where you –
Where at, though?
I think the Austin area, I believe.
I'll go to Texas if we could expense some cowboy hats.
Rowan, have you ever been to...
You can do that.
Or Stetsons.
Some Stetsons, yeah.
Have you ever been to Buc-ee's?
Buc-ee's?
A gas station?
Is it like a Wawa?
It is.
It puts Wawa to shame.
But it's Texas Wawa.
That's what it is.
It puts Wawa to shame.
Is that where they were yesterday? Imagine if Wawa to shame. But it's Texas Wawa. That's what it is. It puts Wawa to shame. Is that where they were yesterday?
Imagine if Wawa merged with Walmart and had like 100 gas pumps.
Wawa?
Fuck.
That sounds like Cumberland Farms.
That's Buc-ee's.
Bum-bee's?
And the most famous item at Buc-ee's is their brisket.
And they actually put a show.
Fresh brisket on the board. Weren show. Fresh brisket on the board.
Weren't they just there?
Tossing up the board.
They're there for the Barstool vs. America.
Everyone was taking pictures at a Buc-ee's.
Yeah, they were at Buc-ee's yesterday when they were on the show.
I find that they're oversharing.
I think I've seen too much of this show already.
That's how it went last year, too.
Maybe keep it to your fucking self-sufficiency.
Right, right.
It becomes, like, they become a clique.
A high school clique. Get the next fucking city, guys.
A high school clique.
Get on the fucking road and get to the next city.
And they're just like, well, just everything is like the most noteworthy, newsworthy thing.
Well, they do see things just in America, and they're like, oh, my God, there's a Bucky.
What?
It's a gas station.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, people are crazy.
Barstool takes Bucky's.
I mean, there's something about Buc-ee's.
It's just crazy.
Maybe you should be on Barstool vs.
America. Would you ever do that?
You should have been on there.
I don't know. Would you do it? It's a long time.
Would you do it, Frank? I consider it.
I need an answer now.
What about surviving Barstool
in the office? That I don't want to do.
Barstool vs. America, what about that?
You'd need your own bus.
I need my answer now.
I would try it, yes.
Yes, he would do it.
All right.
Yes.
Barstool vs. America 3.
Frank the Tank is the first official contestant for next year.
Winter games or some shit like that.
They need to start having offshoots, which they will.
Let's do Barstool vs. America Winter Edition.
Yeah, that's a good idea, Frank.
I'd like to see you go international. Like, you know, Barstool vs. America Winter Edition. That's a good idea, Frank. I'd like to see you go international.
Like, you know, Barstool vs.
The world.
No, like a particular country.
Frank vs. Canada.
Yes.
Something like that.
Frank vs. Panama.
Yeah.
I would love to see you somewhere, Frank, where they just don't speak any English.
Frank vs. Egypt.
Yeah.
Frank vs. Egypt would be great.
The Arab Spring. See some pyramids. Py. Yeah. Yeah. Frank vs. Egypt would be great. The Arab Spring.
Mm-hmm.
See some pyramids.
Pyramids.
Yeah.
That Donnie series is going to be awesome.
See, he had camel wrestling.
Yeah.
It's going to be super good.
I'm excited for that.
Donnie's on one.
Donnie's.
Iraq.
Donnie's never off one.
I know.
He's fucking.
He's got to start streaming.
He's got to start live streaming.
He showed up on
Milonakis' stream in Italy.
He's doing more interesting stuff than
his videos can even contain.
If he got an IRL streaming set up, he would
pull a lot of viewers.
Dumbies. Dumbies.
When is he going to write a book? Because I would read it for sure.
Would you? Oh, yeah.
Donnie's a very interesting person.
He needs a co-author, though. He's been everywhere. I feel like if you put everything on YouTube, you don't have to write a book, though. Itnie's a very interesting person. Yeah. He needs a co-author, though.
He's been, like, everywhere.
I feel like if you put everything on YouTube, you don't have to write a book, though.
It's just all there.
Go watch it.
Eh.
We're not going to have the reverse where now you make a book out of everything that you've seen.
Why not?
I don't know.
Maybe you're right.
Books might be dying, though.
Did you read Logan Paul's book?
I didn't know Logan Paul had a book.
Would you read it if he had one?
Famous YouTuber?
No, Logan Paul's not cool.
You have Dude Perfect's book. I know that. That's a great book. Would you read it if he had one? Famous YouTuber? Logan Paul's not cool. You have Dude Perfect's book.
I know that.
That's a great book.
I read that every couple days.
But I feel like books are just a way to make a ton of money.
Can't you just fucking cash in?
I feel like it's so easy to become a best-selling author.
The hardest thing about a book is just sitting down and writing it.
I think a YouTube channel is the book of 2022.
Somebody subscribe to you and just watch everything you do.
You're an open book. George Washington would have been a fucking uh a youtuber back in the day
there's no doubt in my mind what's up youtube cutting down cherry trees today yeah go and
smash that like button dude my mom told me i was with my mom uh this past weekend and she told me
a crazy myth about dogwood trees she She was like, after Jesus got crucified,
the dogwood trees felt so bad
that they had to bear the weight of Christ
that they started growing skinny
so they couldn't be thick enough to carry.
They had feelings in this story?
I guess, dude.
And I guess the fucking oak trees
just didn't give a fuck about Jesus.
Good day, everybody. We I guess, like, the fucking oak trees just didn't give a fuck about Jesus. Good day, everybody.
We'll get back to that later.
This is the Abraham Lincoln Theater Review.
Our American cousin.
Oh, boy.
It was my American cousin.
My American cousin.
Can't say I recommend it.
Dead John Wilkes Booth.
Not a good actor at all. I don't think he likes me. That John Wilkes Booth, not a good actor at all.
I don't think he likes me.
He wasn't in the play, though.
I don't think he was in My American Cousin.
And a 48er.
That would have been better if he was.
A 48er, I mean, come on.
Where's his security?
I mean, can't recommend a 48er.
Did Lincoln ever know that Wilkes Booth was the one that shot him?
Almost certainly not, right?
He shot him from behind. If I was Wilkes Booth was the one that shot him? Almost certainly not, right? He shot him from behind.
I would tell, if I was Wilkes Booth, I would have been like, it was me, bitch.
Fucking remember the name, bitch.
The fact that he just had no idea.
Did he not die right away?
Oh, he died the next morning.
Went across the street or some shit.
Yeah, they took him to, the bullet wound, as far as, as I mean with 1865
you're not going to
probably survive it
but
it was just like
getting hit over the head
with like a
it was a small
it was a small caliber bullet
that
if they had medical technology
that they had like
maybe 20 years later
you could have probably survived
how many years later
1885 you would have survived it
oh I don't know
I thought you were talking about
like now
100 years later.
Not even.
Yeah, the gun was tiny.
It was like a Saturday night special.
Yeah, it was like a real tiny gun.
A woman's gun?
It was a woman's weapon.
Oh, no.
Real small.
You can't go out to a woman's gun.
I thought you don't use
a small caliber bullet
on a large caliber man.
I thought that was like
a whole Marine Corps.
Exactly.
I thought that was a frogman mantra.
And they just didn't really know how to treat the head wound at that time.
Damn shame.
His brain exploded.
How do we treat this?
I like that line as a standalone clip from the act.
They just didn't know how to treat a head wound.
At the time.
At the time.
It's a shame, really.
What do you think they did?
What do you think they were trying out?
Like leeches or something.
Lead him out. They were definitely doingeches or something. Beat him out.
They were definitely doing the craziest shit.
Beat him out.
They want a worm to push the bullet.
Get his feet wet.
Like trying to reach into the wound to try to pull out the bullet.
Put like a wet towel on his head.
Like Operation is what you're saying?
Basically, yeah.
Buzzed.
Take a warm shower.
And then this idiot breaks his fucking leg jumping off the balcony, now he can't get away folks booth yeah then he uh he'd you know the
doctor who treated his uh broken leg uh was named uh dr harold mudd and uh that's how we got the
term my name is mudd we just forgave him like like 10 years ago right 20 years ago wasn't long
ago before he he just got forgiven for for treating him yeah he got there the family got like a public proclamation saying he was just
doing a doctor hippocratic oath or whatever do no harm or i don't know no that was actually a
whole conspiracy there was like a whole bunch of people that were involved in this uh somebody was
supposed to kill the uh the vice president chicken out, and someone attacked Stewart, the Secretary
of State, and he beat up Stewart, but Stewart fought back, and the guy wasn't successful.
I don't know that this is historically accurate.
This is historically accurate.
Those dudes love slavery.
They're just killing for slavery damn they fucking loved it
and keep minded the assassination happened a week after uh lee surrendered huh damn i don't want to
be pulling at this thread too much but i know i'm just saying maybe we could just get away from
this and history anybody got some family
ties that go back all the way that way that's jake paul's book you gotta want it october but
if you have family about 2016 if you have family ties that went back all the way that way i feel
like they did you dirty because like if you were if you have family ties that would mean that you
had so much old money that you would still be rich as fuck right now. Like, there's no way that you had family ties like that.
I'm exonerated from ever owning slaves back then.
My family owned slaves because we were poor as shit.
No, we're too poor.
We were too fucking poor.
You guys were too poor.
There's no way.
We were closer to slaves than we were to owning slaves,
so I'm not worried about that.
We were dirt poor.
Maybe your family came from, like, fucking Minnesota, too.
Like, you really never know.
How fast can you trace them back in Mississippi?
I've never even tried.
Yeah.
I don't want to know.
Great-great-grandparents or anything?
I know my great-grandfather, but I don't want to go any further back than that.
I'm good.
You should.
I don't need that knowledge.
It's fine.
Let's get Brandon that gift.
I don't need that knowledge.
I'm good.
I don't want to find out.
We're going to 23 and me.
When you grow up in Mississippi,, grow up in the deep south,
when it gets to the 1890s, 1860s, some things you just don't want to fucking know.
That should be a future wheel punishment.
You get 23andMe'd.
What if you found out that you guys were slaves?
You guys were white slaves.
Then I think y'all would owe me reparations.
Yeah, so wouldn't you want to know that?
Oh, wait, that's how it works?
But that's not how 23andMe works.
Oh, funny now how it works? But that's not how 23 and me works. Oh, funny now how that works.
That's not how 23 and me works, though.
I was thinking, what's the family tree one?
How does 23 and me work?
I think that tells you where your ancestry is. If you're white or not.
What, it just tells me my race?
I'm pretty confident I know my race.
One of them does the health report.
You never know.
It tells you what you're going to die of.
What? I don't want that either. I don't want to do that at report and tells you what you're going to die of. Oh, no way.
That's crazy.
I don't want that either.
I don't want to do that at all.
I don't want to do any of that.
No thanks, dude.
Yeah, that sounds horrifying.
You want to know...
Probably inaccurate.
Some interesting lore about my family.
All-time bag fumble.
My grandmother turned down Conrad Hilton.
What?
Yeah, Conrad Hilton gave her...
Hotel guy?
Gave her a ring and she and she spurned his advances
yes it's all-time bag fumble damn yeah crazy his dick game must have been weak yeah there's no way
yeah we still got the ring though he just gave it to her that's a simp move just give her the
ring anyway it was rich as fuck. Yeah, it's great.
She probably had like 70 copies of those things.
Yeah, she was probably just one of many.
She would have had Hotels named after her.
Oh, it would have been great.
You would have.
Rudolph Conrad, that place.
Wait, so you would have been related to Paris Hilton?
Yes.
Yeah, you practically would have been Paris Hilton.
Yeah, I would have been Paris Hilton, dude.
Dude, you would have been fucking Paris Hilton. Yeah. I would have been Paris Hilton, dude. Dude, you would have been fucking Paris Hilton.
But then she'd be your cousin.
Yeah.
No, I would be Paris in this situation.
What are you saying, Frank?
That would stop his chances of being able to fuck her or something?
They're basically oligarchs.
The Hiltons are oligarchs.
They especially fuck their cousins.
Could you fuck Paris Hilton?
Could I?
She's married now.
I met her once for a pizza review. Delightful. Did you fuck Paris Hilton? Could I? She's married now. I met her once for a pizza review.
Delightful.
Did you tell her?
Huh?
You tell her your fucking chips passing?
Nah, dude.
That'd be a really weird, funny conversation.
That's why you need to carry the ring around at all times,
so you can show her as more of a conversation.
Here's a trivia question for you.
All right.
Which NFL team was founded by the Hiltons?
What?
Really?
Yep.
The Giants.
Nope.
The Jets.
Nope.
Nope.
No, it's got to be.
The Dolphins.
The Steelers.
Nope.
The Baltimore Colts.
Nope.
The Eagles.
Nope.
We don't know.
Yeah, we don't know.
The Chargers.
Yep.
Chargers.
Chargers.
That was my guess.
Very nice.
Good job, Sass. Thank you. Yeah, we don't know. Chargers. Chargers. That was my guess. Very nice. Good job, Sass.
Thank you.
Sass is on the board.
This dude is underrated smart.
My boy is sneaky smart.
Brandon, I have a question for you based on something you just said.
So you said that Paris Hilton potentially being Rudy's cousin doesn't diminish the chance of them sleeping together.
All right, Stephen Che.
Honest question.
Do you know any cousins that have slept together?
Do I know?
No, I do not know any cousins that have fucked each other.
Ever.
They wouldn't say.
In your entire life.
Why are you asking me?
That's awful profiling of you.
No, I don't know any cousins that have fucked.
I feel like if you were cousins and you fucked, that's probably something that you don't go around telling the whole family.
There was a New York Post headline the other day of two cousins were getting married and
they had 73 groomsmen.
And I think 73 groomsmen was more egregious than the cousins getting married.
Much more egregious.
Yeah.
That was a distraction.
Well, you heard about that.
Their cousins.
You heard about that doctor that...
Right.
Gave AIDS to his patient?
No, no, no.
Oh, he fathered like 60 kids.
This is the dad that ran a fertility clinic, and every sample was him.
That has somehow come up every day on the act this week.
He's dipping his pen in the company.
And some people who are getting married found out that they were brother and sister.
This has been the cousin-fucking-est week of this show.
It really has.
It's more of a West Virginia thing than a Mississippi thing.
It really is. It's a little more north Virginia thing than a Mississippi thing. It really is.
It's a little more north.
Appalachia is what it is.
And I think any time, I bet it's like any country that fancies themselves to be like a more highbrow country than another country.
It's probably going on like in like Eastern Europe and shit like that.
They're probably like the fucking Macedonians fuck their cousins.
For whatever reason, the cousin fucking thing got shipped into the south but that was historically like an
oligarch yeah british british people that's why their teeth are fucked up no right or the uh what
is the chin the aug the augsburg like chin or whatever like the famous french family have that
like really funny fucked up pronounced chin and it was all because of inbreeding oh really yes and i
feel like the Russians,
that's why the oligarchs all had blood diseases
because they were all fucking within their...
Yeah, whoever their PR is is doing great
because they shifted it to you guys.
That's the reason they're oligarchs.
In a big way.
I know.
What's the most annoying stereotype
you get from being in the South?
Do you hate the cousin fucking
or do you hate the slavery?
Or stupidity.
More on from Mississippi.
I think it's stupidity. I'm much smarter than people that call me stupid yeah
yeah you did you did you did put hands on someone for stupid i did that's the one that that bothered
me a lot slavery you do not care about i'm fine with whatever you know that's that's just a
it's a thing but uh cost of doing business it's the um jesus christ it's the it's someone calling simple
someone calling you simple right there's no reason like there are very smart people from
mississippi for example we have probably probably the one of the best literary histories in america
okay it's accents that make people think people are dumb when people hear an accent they're like
oh that's a you're an idiot william faulkner, Tennessee Williams. You're more wealthy.
There's just a ton of great.
Yeah, you're right about that, Rowan, about the accent thing.
I always thought Tennessee Williams was actually from Tennessee.
He's not.
He's from Columbus, Mississippi.
I always thought Australians, I'm always like, man, you guys are kind of simple.
Fucking idiot.
No, we're not stupid.
But they're actually smart as fuck.
You do that again?
No.
No?
That sounded British.
Oh, no.
I reckon the Australian.
You haven't yet.
That's not Australian.
I thought it was good.
I think it's good.
I thought it was some shrimp on the barbie.
That's good.
Oh, I felt like I was transported to Bondi Beach.
Why now?
Why don't you watch out for those shark sticks?
You'd be in mind.
You lost it.
You lost it.
Now you're in the old west.
You got to work into it.
It takes a few minutes.
You got to buffer.
I just start with Jim Carrey in the back of that limo saying,
good night, mate.
Shrimp on the barbie.
Did you hear that Joe Biden is actually Jim Carrey?
What?
Really?
Joe Biden is an actor played by Jim Carrey
Or is like Jim Carrey in a mask
I would love that
That'd be so cool
Did you see the NHL commissioner is now Batman
Yeah
What's happening?
Gary Batman
Biden called him Batman
It was fucking hilarious
Frank, Frank
What is your head doing?
Look at the screen
Frank Frank, what is your head doing? Look at the screen.
Frank.
Put it on.
There is no one like me.
Oh, Frank.
It looks like a character. That zoomed in doesn't even look like a top hat.
It looks like a character in Alice in Wonderland.
Tell a riddle, Frank.
Take us to Egypt.
Give us the little sphinx.
Oh, goodness.
What walks in the morning?
Riddle me this, Ron.
Okay.
The team was up 3-0
and he's up 2-7.
Oh, boy.
The great
Frankini.
Oh!
We might all be on edibles.
I just didn't even realize it.
Frank definitely is.
We retconned the numbers to 72,000.
Frank's been on an edible all day.
All right, NFL draft show tonight.
Frank, you ready?
Yes, I am.
You'll have to pop your knuckles closer to time.
I don't think doing it now really does anything.
All right, I think we're good to get out of here.
57, right? It's like you want to get out of here.
I have a haircut appointment to get right before the show.
I'm sorry.
If y'all would like me to, I can leave this.
Who's this?
Who just came in with a UFC backpack? That's Molly. That's'all would like me to, I can leave this. Who's this? Who just came in
with a UFC backpack?
Probably a UFC.
That's Molly.
That's me,
Bob Molly.
Oh, that is Molly.
Hell yeah.
Can we get Molly in here?
Oh, yeah.
She rules.
Oh, Robby's going to get Molly.
That's fair.
Oh, fucking Robby.
Yeah, are you going
to get a shape up?
High fade?
I don't know.
I'm just,
hey, hey, what's up?
Hey!
Molly!
Break the glass, Molly!
She's just coming in here on her own.
That would have been awesome.
All right.
Molly, get in here, Molly.
Get the fuck in here.
Break the glass, Molly.
Fuck it, dude.
Let me fuck that shit up.
How are we, boys?
Good.
Great.
Is the door open?
No, you're fine.
Happy, lads!
Let's go.
What's good?
What are you doing here?
I've just been to Gleason's gym, and I've just been sparring Heather Hardy, so excuse No, you're fine. Happy, lads. Let's go. What's good? What are you doing here?
I've just been to Gleason's gym, and I've just been sparring Heather Hardy.
So, excuse the hair.
All good. It's okay.
I like being in the head guard.
Where's Brooklyn's gym?
In Brooklyn?
Yeah, Brooklyn, yeah.
In Brooklyn?
That's a famous gym, right?
Not half, yeah.
I just walked in, and there's pictures everywhere of the great Joe Lewis, everyone who's all
been in there.
Did they take a picture of you for the wall?
Obviously, they imprinted the elbow.
Oh, nice.
Put a hole in the wall, boys.
Fuck, yeah.
Break the glass, Molly.
Quit fucking around.
Break this glass.
Come on, lads.
Whichever one you want.
Dealer's choice.
It's on you.
What are you doing while you're in town?
What's good?
Tell you not.
Bring her a fucking water.
I'd rate it up, Mom.
Yes, we've got beer.
Want some beer?
Yes, we've got beer.
So, boys, I've got the...
My cousin is headlining
Madison Square Garden
on Saturday.
Who's your cousin?
Katie.
She was here yesterday.
No, yeah.
And then one of my
training partners
is the co-main,
Liam Smith.
And then I'm going to come and try and do some shit with all yous for a few days.
Fuck yes.
And then just keep training and then going to meet Paddy in San Diego on Thursday.
Well, what kind of shit are you going to do with us?
Fuck knows, whatever.
Okay.
What do you want to do?
Drink beers.
Fuck knows.
Yeah, let's drink some beers.
Eat some meatballs.
Let's get meatballs.
Have you ever had meatballs from here?
Is that alcohol-y?
It used to be.
That was the case race.
Might be some in that high noon right there.
If you want a beer for real, I'll go get you a beer.
All right, I'll be right back.
Snapping those off.
Hey, get a high noon.
They're warm, though.
We could get you a cold beer.
You could take that to go.
Take that for you.
Grab me a beer, too.
Yeah, that's a...
Yeah, yeah, grab a beer. Grab me a beer, too. Yeah, that's a...
Yeah, yeah, grab a round of beers.
Grab a round of beers?
Molly's in the fucking bed.
I think over across the pond,
I think they typically drink their alcohol,
like their beers are, like, warm.
Is that true, Molly?
That is blasphemy.
Oh, no, Tank.
No, we do not.
Yeah, why would he say that?
So I think Liverpool is so close to Ireland
And like we have
Every piece of American culture
That we know that you have to have it ice cold
The glass
We always go over to Amsterdam
So the glass has to come out of the fridge
Nice ice cold
Cold ass glass
So weed or something like that in Amsterdam
You got to if like that in Amsterdam?
You're good.
If you're in Amsterdam.
I've never actually been over there, but I've always heard that. Why?
Because I've always heard that they have, like, warm beer at the pubs.
Where are you from?
I'm from New Jersey.
Okay.
You ever been?
What do you know about New Jersey?
Nothing.
I went to Long Island yesterday.
Oh, really?
Went for food with Matt Sarah.
Do you know Matt Sarah? Who? Matt Sarah. Oh, no, I don to Long Island yesterday. Oh, really? Went for food with Matt Serra. Do you know Matt Serra?
Who?
Matt Serra.
Oh, no, I don't think I know him.
XUFC welterweight world champion.
What food did you get?
We went to an Italian. We had fucking everything.
I was eating with the mob.
Oh, really?
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Was it what you imagined?
Was it Mr. Borelli?
It was Borelli's. That was the gaff.
Oh, that's actually where you went? You went to Borelli's? was Borelli's. That was the guff. That's what it was. Oh, that's actually where you went.
Borelli's?
You went to Borelli's?
Yeah, that's where I went.
Yeah, he works here.
The Borelli's.
No.
Frankie works here.
Frankie Borelli.
Yeah, he's like the heir to the Borelli's throne.
It is.
It's very Long Island.
But New Jersey is the armpit of America.
We have Calabria's Pizza in Livingston.
That's a good pizza place.
Yeah, that's good pizza.
They have hot honey pepperoni.
Mmm, strong pizza.
Now, in Borelli's, they had, like, a chicken schnitzel kind of with, like...
Oh, like a chicken parm, like a pounded-out chicken?
Yeah, but they made it a pizza.
So instead of bread, you had chicken breast and the tomato sauce and then a bit of mozzarella.
Yeah, I think that's a chicken parm.
I think that's probably what, yeah, chicken parm.
But it was like a pie.
Oh, and it was pounded out.
And it was cut into a pie, yeah.
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.
Borelli's is incredible.
Yeah, it's very good.
Did you just go there by chance?
Did you know that Frankie Borelli works here, or it was just a chance?
Well, Matt said around me, he said,
Meatball, come over, have some pizza and shit.
I was like, okay.
What's going on, Brandon? What happened?
I'm sorry. Hi.
Have you fucked up or what? No, I didn't fuck up.
Clock's on.
Clock is on. Everybody fucking
relax, okay? I think you should be able to smack
the fuck out of Brandon Walker by coming back without
any beers. First we just won elbow.
I walked upstairs. Small elbow.
I walked upstairs and there's a lot of beer. None of it's cold. We have just won elbow. I walked upstairs. Small elbow. I walked upstairs and
there's a lot of beer. None of it's
cold. We have an empty refrigerator. Okay.
And then they're doing Friday night pints
at the downstairs bar so I couldn't get to that bar.
Yes you could. You could be like fucking Molly's in town.
Yeah you're BFW. I can't just walk
just have a high noon then.
You want a warm beer? I can bring you a warm beer.
Oh Brandon. Have a round of high noon. This is fire worth it.
31 months old.
You don't know how to open a box, Molly.
She just does everything with brute force.
She just went through that.
When I won that fight,
as Paddy was coming out,
I just, with my teeth,
took the lid off her whole head and was like pounding it
next to Dana White and he was like,
holy shit. I was like,
this is how we party.
That's metal.
I like that.
What's this one?
It's grapefruit.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I'll do the grapefruit.
There's peach.
There's...
I think you like the grapefruit.
The grapefruit's not bad.
I'll do a grapefruit.
I don't mind.
I'm not a...
He's not a drinker.
I'll take it.
He's not a drinker.
Thank you.
He's got to be sharp for tonight. He's got to play the piano. take it He's not a drinker Thank you He's gotta be sharp for tonight
He's gotta play the piano
Yep
I love you
Yeah he's a piano player
He's the piano man
Yep
He's the piano man
Maya you gotta tell us
How it's been since
Since you've been at Barstool
Like what is
Has your life
Sluncher
Motherfuckers
Sluncher
Motherfuckers
We pound it now or
Yeah yeah
You gotta chug the whole
Pounding
Oh
Oh
We're pounding
Fuck I haven't even had breakfast
And I've just sparred 10 rounds
It's 2 o'clock
That's gonna hit you like a freight train
Since I've been at Barstool
I got paid
So that was fucking
Yes
Yes
Nothing like getting money
woohoo
rich
thanks Dave
um
but now this is the week
where I'll understand
what it's like to be
a Barstoolonian
it's easy
you don't have to do much
you don't have to do much
you don't have to do anything
show up to the office
once every three or four months
I mean drink
like wreak havoc
I think the more fucking
like crazy and more
havoc you wreak the better off you'll be.
Just do whatever the fuck you want. I'm good
for that. Yeah just do whatever you want.
Hijinks. That's the name of the game. Hijinks.
Just walk in like slap a drink. Who's the one
who like drinks and tweets?
Is that a thing? Did I see that online?
Dana Beers. I need
to meet him. He's in
Florida right now. He's not going to be here for another week or so. I need to meet him. He's in Florida right now.
Who do you look for?
Yeah, I don't.
He's not going to be here for another week or so.
I'm here for nine days.
Ah, fuck.
You can probably make it happen somehow.
Maybe Zoom.
No, we'll just send her out on Barstool vs. America.
Just to go fuck her up.
That would be great.
You'd be great on Barstool vs. America.
You probably hate America anyway, so we can just send you out there.
I'm good for it.
I love America.
Is this your first trip to New York?
Third.
So when I was 19 and 21, I was in the summer.
I used to be a soccer player, and I'd come over in the off-season
and coach in Virginia, but we ended up doing all the East Coast.
So I got accustomed to American culture and drinking
and everything since this.
I was like underage and in hooters at 19.
Like, yeah.
Check the wings of margaritas.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's incredible.
I got introduced to tailgate parties.
Cool.
That's real American culture.
Tailgate parties, like hooters.
I was in Virginia
so there's like
like I was like
went a little bit south
do you know what I mean
and I was like
holy fuck
like just rocked up
to some farms
and that
yeah drinking
out the back of a pickup truck
or something like that
like that's American shit
what's it called
where you get in the back
of a car
and then drive to a
soccer pitch
and just play
it's called pickup yeah pickup so I was playing with car and then drive to a soccer pitch and just play. It's called pick up.
Yeah, pick up.
So I was playing for the Mexicans and I was like, in between playing, we'd have a Corona.
I was like, this is fucking great.
Yes, that's great.
That sounds awesome.
And then I've been to, I think about 12 different states just training.
That's a lot.
That's more than, you know.
Most Americans.
That's more than a lot of Americans. But I really love New York because I feel like it's a lot that's more than you know most Americans that's more than a lot of Americans
but um
I really love New York
because I feel like
it's a lot like Liverpool
and Paddy might have
said that if you
had a man
it's a lot of culture
just everyone's like
in your face
like what are you
looking at
yeah
yeah you're right
everyone will give you
the shirt off the back
do you know
speaking of Liverpool
big dub yesterday.
I'm an Evertonian.
Oh, really?
Oh, shit, Everton?
Damn, dark fucking times.
Oh, fuck.
Dark times.
You want to see me and Paddy go?
Isn't Everton close to getting relegated?
Yeah, they're in a dark place.
It's fucked up.
Allegation time.
Come on.
Fucking fight us.
The team is going down.
My elbow.
I'm not going to be in the Premier League.
Don't stop me because I'll fucking...
Hold me back.
Hold her back, Sash.
Rudy, hold her back.
I'm going to put him in the walls.
She's got the Gleason shirt on too.
She's going to put him in the walls.
Holy fuck.
Oh, it's a fucking custom.
What's the best food that you've had since you've been out here?
We know that your food can't be that good in England.
It's all right.
Good Indian food in England.
It's not my forte, that one.
Do you know what I've just said to my girlfriend?
She's literally sitting there.
She's come with me.
And I just said to her, what do you want?
Because you haven't eaten.
I was like a Subway, maybe like
a Potbelly and
a bag of chips.
That's a good sandwich.
I'd say like a crisp sandwich.
Maybe like a BMT
from Subway and then put some
crisps or chips. Subway two blocks away.
Chips in it. Oh, in the sandwich?
That's where my nickname comes from.
The meatballs?
I used to have a job at Subway.
I was a sandwich artist.
Yes.
Nuh-uh.
That's not true.
Yeah, have you not seen my Instagram?
From sandwich artist to mixed martial artist.
That's awesome.
That's fucking sick.
That rules.
Come on.
I'm pretty close.
Okay, same.
We're pounding again?
I've got to go get a haircut.
Get your pound on, Sass.
It doesn't matter if you're late.
It doesn't matter if you're late to the haircut.
It's Fleischman's.
They know you.
Where are you getting a haircut?
Fleischman.
He's right.
He's right.
I'll stay.
Fleischman knows you.
I'll stay.
I'll stay.
This is a rare opportunity.
Fleischman's not gonna be like,
oh, Brandon was five minutes late.
He can't get a haircut.
I'll fucking stay, Ron.
Thank you.
Exactly.
Finish your drink.
Finish my drink.
Yeah.
On account of Molly.
Molly, we gotta find a way
to get you like your own molly's meatball sub or something like that like do you know when i got
signed to the ufc subway really released like a poem about how i'd gone from there to now fighting
a poem a fucking poem on twitter and i was like where's the fucking sponsorship deal like i am
making free subway for Life card or something
like that. At least Happy Gilmore got the free
Subway for Life. You need to get...
Did you get to meet Jared before though?
Oh shit.
Let me show you this.
Let me show you this.
Nine years ago.
I can't believe Subway write a poem.
That's sort of befuddling.
That's kind of bullshit.
This is me
Can you zoom in lads?
Zoom in
That's me in the Subway suit
Shut the fuck up
That looks like a gross sandwich
Why is it grey?
That's like a bad acid trip
It's 5-0 bread
What is it? 5-0 bread? It's five oat bread. What is that?
Five oat bread? That's the best name
they could come up with for the mascot, Subman.
Gotta have
something better than that. That was 2013
St. Patrick's Day.
That's terrible.
How many years was it? Five years to that day
I won my first fight in the UFC.
That's sick. And the four kids
got a job in Subway.
Did you get free sandwiches
when you worked in there?
Yeah, I used to steal quite a lot.
You have to.
You gotta.
But just the chipotle sauce,
you know, the Southwest.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think about
the spicy mayo at Subway?
Yeah, the chipotle Southwest sauce.
No, no, it's like a,
oh no, maybe it's a sriracha mayo.
Oh, I haven't tried that one.
Is it not Southwest sauce? No, no, no, it's really spicy. It could be like, they might call it different shit. Yeah, no. Maybe it's sriracha mayo. Oh, I haven't tried that one. Is it not Southwest sauce?
No, no, no.
It's really spicy.
It could be like, they might call it different shit.
I have like an Irish tongue.
So like Southwest.
She's saying Chipotle and it's coming out of Southwest sauce.
You just don't understand.
In England, we would say chip bottle.
But like my American culture knows Chipotle.
Yeah.
Chipotle. Yeah.
Chipotle.
I love the honey mustard.
The honey mustard at Subway goes fucking crazy. So I do a sweet onion, a ranch, and a Southwest bumpf, one line of each.
Oh, you just carpet bomb it.
Put the cheese on.
Just three lines like that?
It's too much sauce.
No, lads, you just have one line of each.
Uh-huh.
I don't know.
That sounds like a lot of sauce.
Weren't there breads?
Didn't they used to be made out of yoga mats? Yep. Lads I don't know. That sounds like a lot of sauce. Weren't there breads?
Didn't they used to be made out of
yoga mats?
Yep.
Lads don't.
What do you think
about the tuna?
I'm not trying to
disparage your old
job.
I've not eaten no
fish out of a tin
ever in my life,
lads.
Well, it's not fish.
That's the best part
about the tuna.
There's no tuna.
There's no tuna.
In England, we have
these things called
crab sticks and
they're like long
little things and it's actually not one bit of crab. It's no tuna. In England, we have these things called crab sticks. And they're like long little things.
And it's actually not one bit of crab.
It's like cod.
But they dye it red and white.
We have that.
It's imitation crab.
We have that here.
Imitation crab?
I don't know.
I've never had that.
I don't know.
I know what you're talking about.
It's like a stick.
It sounds like a band name.
Red and white.
Yeah, that would be a fire band.
Ellis, are you okay?
Hey!
Alice!
Oh, Alice is leaving.
I'm going to get a drink.
What are we talking about?
We're having high noons.
Come have a drink.
She's hungry.
She's hungry.
Oh, she looks angry.
She's trying to eat.
She's furious.
You guys got to airstrike something.
You need to feed this one.
Have some crisps.
We got some crisps.
Grab a seat.
We're having high noons.
Do you want a drink, love?
You're hungry, aren't you? One of these? Do you want one? Come on. It a seat. We're having high noons. Do you want a drink, love? You're hungry, aren't you?
One of these?
Do you want one?
Come on.
It's nice.
They're nice.
She said she was American.
Come on.
Welcome to the show.
Welcome to the fucking show.
This is Ellis Clark.
You want some crisps?
We got some pretzel chips.
Hello, Ellis Clark.
Hello, Ellis.
She works for Everton Football Club.
Actually?
Actually.
She's not a player.
She works for the... You don't play for Everton? No, I'm just playing for Everton. Oh, got it, got it. She's not a player. She works for the...
You don't play for Everton?
No, I just work for them.
Oh, got it, got it.
She's a Man United fan.
She's very dry.
We're about to play Chelsea soon, so can we...
Today?
Yeah.
Are we?
Yeah, yeah.
Don't you guys have a new stadium in the works for Everton?
We've just moved out, and our apartment's every window.
You can see the Everton Stadium getting built.
Yeah.
You guys are about to get relegated.
I hope you guys make it.
Go and get your hair cut done.
Yeah, get your hair cut.
Get your precious hair cut.
No, because it's obviously more important than talking to our new friends.
That's a pre-existing condition.
Brandon, didn't you just get a haircut like a week ago?
I have a big show tonight, Sass.
Oh, my God.
I want to get my hair touched up.
I'm sure that'll be the case.
Now, do they use the bowl?
No, they don't use the bowl.
My sideburns are gray, and I need them touched up.
You see how gray they are?
They're like pork chops.
They're not pork chops.
They're like pork chops.
Wait, they're like pork chops.
Can I point out, Ellis Clark doesn't want to be here at all.
Ellis, do you want to go and get a haircut?
No, she's very dry.
She's just dry.
How does one know what you normally...
She is just dry.
That's not what we talk about.
No, no, no.
Read something off of there.
Okay.
Read towards the bottom.
You have like a make-a-wish person submit questions.
What is the best type of bubble gum?
Ooh.
Not really what you...
Watermelon?
You have a producer who's pretty stupid.
No, he's not. No, he's not.
No, he's not.
He has glasses.
He's nice.
He's Asian.
He doesn't look stupid.
It's kind of like a charity thing.
It's on a special program.
I like Bubblicious.
I like something that blows big, nice bubbles.
Yeah, like a watermelon Bubblicious.
What's your reckon on this, love?
High Noon.
High Noon, hard sell.
They sponsor everything, so it's delicious.
Yeah, it's delicious.
You have to say it's good, yeah.
Do you have any more?
Hi, your name is...
Hey, lads.
Hi, your name is...
Oh, no.
Ellis, he plays the piano.
That's the New York Jets, by the way.
That was a Heisenberg by you.
Ellis, he plays the piano.
Can I get one more moment?
Thank you.
He's really good. He can play it when she walks He plays the piano. He's really good.
Maybe he can play it when she walks out.
There's only one.
What are you guys going to do while you're in New York?
I don't know. Tell us what to do.
I think that you should go to Madison Square Garden
and maybe see some
mixed martial arts or something like that.
Boxing.
Boxing would be great too then.
Something like that could be fun.
Saturday, we're going.
Have you ever had pastrami?
Yes.
There's a place called Fat Cats.
I went there one time.
Fat Cats?
Yeah.
Or even just cats would be a good place to get pastrami.
It was very disappointing.
Fat Cats?
You guys should go see a comedy show.
There was a problem that was not very high end.
At the stand at 11.45, 12.45, 1.15 a.m.
When you're on, lad.
Yeah, he's a comedian.
Do you want me to come tomorrow?
You should.
Yeah, you should.
No, I actually will come.
Tomorrow night?
It's going to be a blast.
You guys should come through.
Friday?
Friday night at the stand.
Okay, can we sit at the front and that?
Of course you can.
No, no, no, I don't want jokes.
He tries to heckle me.
That's what I mean. Yeah, that. Or she can. No, no, no. I don't want jokes. He tries to heckle me. Yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah.
That actually happened with me.
I went to go see Sass.
I was so uncomfortable.
I looked down
and Rudy's just right there.
I felt so bad.
I felt so...
It was actually Francis' fault
because I got there early
because I didn't want to be
in the front to like
fuck you up.
No, if you go early
they put you in the front
if you're like the first person.
Oh, really?
Yeah, but then I ran to Francis
and we were talking and then they put us right front row center. I the first person. Oh, really? Yeah, but then I ran into Francis and we were talking,
and then they put us right front row center.
I felt so bad, dude.
Yeah.
I'm sorry about that.
I didn't mind.
I bombed hard anyway.
Really?
I thought you did good.
That was one of my worst ones.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought you did fine.
Threw me off.
I do like you, though, so I would have said you did good either way.
Get you some food.
They need sandwiches.
Brandon, why are you trying to shut the show down?
We're all having fun. He wants to get his hair cut. No, they need to get sandwiches. He needs to get his hair cut. I'm you some food. They need sandwiches. Brandon, why are you trying to shut the show down? We're all having fun.
He wants to get his...
No, they need to get sandwiches.
He needs to get his haircut.
I'm whispering about food.
We want you guys to eat.
We'll order you some food.
What do you want?
Bagel.
No, you don't want a fucking bagel.
Oh, there's a place across the street.
The guy on reception said to get a bagel.
Bagel Pub right across the street is very good.
I've just seen Bagel Pub.
I thought...
Yeah.
No, I think you're going to like it.
Yeah?
I think it's very good.
I think it's high-end bagels.
Exotic bagels.
I trust him.
What's an exotic bagel?
It's Exotic Joe's best bagel.
No, it's not.
What are you talking about?
We've got the rainbow bagels here.
Yeah, what?
A jalapeno bagel.
You've never seen a rainbow bagel?
It's too cute.
A jalapeno cheddar or something like that?
You can get nutty with it.
You can get some lox in it.
Cheddar?
Cheddar.
Yeah, we could get a cheddar bagel.
Please may I ask a question?
Hi, Brandon.
Yeah, please.
How much do I get paid for this?
A lot.
I think it's like whatever percent Molly wants to give you.
You get to tell us.
Okay.
And a bagel.
No, we already...
It's easy to work here.
It's very easy to work at Barstool.
I feel like if you just ask for a job.
If you just elbow people in a UFC fight.
Elbow someone once.
Yeah.
Do you have an application form?
I don't think it would be that hard.
I think we're probably looking for...
Is Erica here?
Yeah, you could probably just go into her office.
Have you met Erica?
I'll find someone.
Do you know who Erica is?
No.
I'll send Erica in here if you want to.
Is she here?
Yeah.
I don't know if she's here.
What kind of skills could you bring to the job?
See, look, it says we are hiring.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's like applying to like a subway.
I shouldn't really be talking about this when I actually have a job and they'll be thinking,
oh, why does she want to leave?
Comprehensive.
Okay, I don't think Everton is watching this.
Never know.
They might though.
They really don't ever know.
Is she a mom?
Is she an intern, love? What kind of... What's your skills? I don't think Everton is watching this. It might, though. You really don't ever know. Partnership marks an insane love.
What kind of...
What's your skills?
Senior account executive or something like that?
Would that maybe be nice?
Or what type of work do you want to do?
Something that pays well, you know?
Data analyst?
That's kind of boring.
Least work, most money.
Now, after they get relegated,
where are they going to play next year?
Where will they play?
Are you laughing at me?
What are you guys howling at back there?
Zaza.
Zaza, Arsenal fan.
So he's just...
Lad, we fucked you last time we played, yeah?
They fucked you.
They did, dude.
Fucked on you.
Is it 3-2 or 2-1?
Who does he support?
Arsenal.
Arsenal.
It was a good game.
And here, Zaza supports Arsenal.
Don't worry. We'll come back. Why Arsenal? We got you. We got you was a good game. And here, Zaha supports Arsenal. Don't worry.
We'll come back.
Why Arsenal?
We got you.
We got you in a couple months.
They want to know why.
I can't hear him.
I can.
Let me know.
I was born in an Arsenal family.
He's an Arsenal family.
Okay, he's born in an Arsenal family.
My dad's an Arsenal fan.
My brother's an Arsenal fan.
Who's your favorite player, lad?
Of all time?
Of all Thierry Henry's?
No.
Ian Wright.
Dennis Bergkamp won
probably number two
Robert Pires
then Henri III
did you see
well you wouldn't have seen
but last
when was it
when did I go to the Everton game
the weekend
against Liverpool
I went to the Derby
and I was sat next to Ian Wright
oh really
oh nice
nice
so I met him
I met him
a couple months ago
the guy that I work with
so Troops
Troops is
Troops is close to them
oh fuck he works for these
doesn't he
yeah
he got me
he introduced
he got me to introduce to him
you're out of here Frank
what was that
I'm just stretching
oh got you
get loose
I haven't eaten
and I think that
alright it's time
it's time
Frank's getting up
Molly hasn't eaten
it's time to end the show
okay
alright
should we finish
the last of the drinks.
Sure. I already finished mine.
Molly. To the meatball. Thanks
very much for letting me on. Hey, thanks
for being here. Molly plus one.
Molly plus one. Congratulations
on your new job at Barstool.
Goodbye, Everton.
Watch the NFL Draft show tonight
and we'll be back
tomorrow.
Toodle-oo, motherfuckers.
Toodle-oo. It's the act Yeah it's time to talk shop
And do a Yankees pop
It's the act
It's the act