The Yak - The Boys Try to Save Gentlemen's Clubs | The Yak 5-29-24

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Rone and SassyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hello It's the Yak Roback Roback.com Promo code Yak 20% off your first purchase Choose this

Polo's Hoodies Joggers Shorts Roback.com Ronan Sasser here Yes Look at that

Yes Dude I fucking walked into the kitchen A minute ago The whole office was belly laughing And I was like That's what he's fucking got It's too easy here

And dude congrats It is easy It's a little easier Congrats loved you in tires Thank you It was huge. All that sucking up to Shane's really paid off. I burned that material.

I said that to him earlier. He's like, I wasn't in it. I was like, what? All the guys were in it. And then he said, save it. I'm going to use that on the app. Now here we are. Dude, you had to have been the most excited when you saw they got signed for season two.

Because you sent Shane a text right away being like congrats on season two probably gonna need some more actors pretty much yeah no i did text him right away fuck yes i was like that's so huge for you yeah that's so huge for us yeah this is big for us it is big for us francis being in it is huge for us francis was incredible yeah he was great did he uh did they give him lines or no yeah okay that was why he was incredible he was francis he was literally ever dude i was at the stand last night and people were like i've never like he's at he was really acting and i was like he wasn't acting at all no i've had like that exact conversation with him dozens of times i was literally just that was just like basically his prompt was like pretend that it's white socks

david yeah exactly yeah and he just ran with it yeah he killed it though he might have been the Like, basically, his prompt was, like, pretend that it's White Sox Dave you're talking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And he just ran with it. Yeah. He killed it, though. He might have been the best, or one of the best features on that show. Yeah. Yeah.

Until season two. Yeah. True. Sassy. I'm never going to be in that show. Why not? There's no role for me. How do you know?

It hasn't even been, it's not, this isn't even, like, a discussion. Like, none of this has ever even come up before what if shane hit you up and was like hey sass uh we got a part for you in season two you're gonna be a tire and you're literally inside the tire they need to make it look like it's inflated so they need a human body inside the tire i would do the role and i would probably make that like screen grab my profile picture. Right, you'd crush it. Yeah. But we wouldn't see you. Yeah.

You'd say no to a Netflix show because of, yes. That's what the tire is, stay firm. Or if he makes you audition. You have to go through an audition to prove that you can. He's got a roll. He a tire. Let's see how you roll. I got a roll for you, bud.

You want a roll, huh? there is a movie like about a tire the pov and life of a tire what yeah like on some funny shit but they made that movie cars no it's one of those about cars three let me find this is it feature length kate kate is here She keeps forgetting the yak I just heard your voices upstairs And I was like fuck Yeah God again Same time We haven't done yak in a while

Every day for the last six years What's up Sass? How's it going? How's it going? It's called rubber It's called rubber? Yeah What is it?

A homicidal car tire Discover discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. Have you ever seen those runaway tires, though? They will kill people. Oh, yeah. Like someone will just be standing at a bus stop in a runaway tire. It's one of the most common ways to die in China, we've talked about. Yeah.

It just passed up heart disease in china it's the best when you see a cctv video in china and you're like is this going to be a tire that kills this guy or is a tiger going to come out of the room it's one of the big three escalator melting accident you can't keep those guys out of war. And there's always a woman with a stroller who just, the tire just misses. It's like, wow, that was close. Oh, no, that guy died. When Khal Drogo killed that guy with the molten metal, like, China was just like, oh, this is boring as fuck. What's Khal Drogo?

I don't know that reference. That's Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Wait, who was that in Game of Thrones? That was the Dothraki leader. The fucking blonde. There's a guy getting. The fucking The blonde The guy getting The blonde boy

The rock The rock Yeah Scorpion King Yeah What have you guys been doing We played Clue last night Yeah

Oh how'd that go Who was It was electric Terrible If you're dumb Jerry just hung around long enough Where Titus and I had figured it out For like an hour

But we didn't get the last piece And he just hung around long enough To put it all together and get it before us Credit to me because I think In my younger years when I was more competitive I would have made a huge stink about Jerry Fucking up the Mind reveal in the weight room

And I would have really argued for him to be disqualified for that. And I would have said that like that kind of destroyed the integrity of the game and his role in doing that should, should inherently disqualify him from, from winning. I didn't do that last night. I shook his hand and I say, congrats Jerry.

So he actually deserved to it. Cause we Tyson, I played a very good game. I was the first time I ever played clue. I fucked up. It actually was on me because when you get to the end of clue, you should, if you know, like two out of three, you should stop guessing those. Wait, I don't know.

I love that you said that. So matter of fact, you would never play clue in your life. I hadn't. And then you're like, everyone knows when you get to the end of the clue. Well, no, I was thinking about it after I was like, wait, did I fuck up? And I was like, yes, I did. Because when you know, we knew it was Kyle, and I kept on guessing Kyle. There's no reason for me to guess Kyle.

There was, though, because if you would have guessed the blue guy. No, I should have kept guessing the cards I had. Did you have a person? I had two people. Oh, I didn't have people. I had Ketchup and Mink. Well, that was just a coincidence. Yeah. Because I had the same idea. I had ketchup and mayo. Well, that was just a coincidence. Yeah.

Because I had the same idea. I was like, why would I guess Kyle? But you should have guessed. But if I guessed Blue Bear, then someone just gives me a Blue Bear card. I don't need to see the Blue Bear card. You should have guessed ketchup because I had shown you the ketchup card. That's how he tricked me. But then you would have just shown me the ketchup card again,

and I would learn no information. You would have had to try to figure it out where I go last. The whole game is moot anyway because they didn't have enough clues in the beginning. Kate and I just started with two. Yeah. Yeah. That's a huge disadvantage. It was. We're going to do it out where I go last. The whole game's moot anyway because they didn't have enough clues in the beginning. Kate and I just started with two. Yeah. That's a huge disadvantage. It was. We're going to do it again.

The live action board game. It was fun. It was very fun. Getting played by you was my lowest. Oh, you were sulking. That was surface level deception. You were sulking in the corner and I had farted in your own butt. And I fucking cheated.

I saw all of yours, Kate. I cheated off your whole thing. I cheated off Kate's. I cheated off Kate's too. Are you serious? Yeah, she had that thing wide open. You were walking around with it. That was how I got halfway through the game.

Well, I kept forgetting what my clues were, so I kept on keeping having to open my book so I could fuck. It was so fun. The big story that got lost because of the ending and everything was the fact that Steven has never had a bigger blunder. And the fact that you play the clip, the phrase I think he used was, that's personally devastating for me.

He used the word accuse. And if you use the word accuse, that's an actual guess. And he did it like 15 minutes in the game, and then he got kicked out. That's devastating. Yeah, personally devastating. that's personally devastating it's not that long that's not that's nice was personally devastated and he's the only one who knew how to play the game yeah this will exist on the internet let's play it we gotta play it if i did say cues i believe i amended immediately no no let's play it we gotta play it If I did say cues, I believe I amended no no

That was a lie music room this and I think it's gonna be this Like using ketchup in the music room With the ketchup in the music room with the wrench. Can't help you, friend. Get that on Epic Fails. Yeah. Have you guys done anything gnarly along those lines lately? What? Playing Clue? anything gnarly along those lines lately?

What? Playing Clue? Anything gnarly. No, not that I can think of. We've been fishing. We just have been fishing a bunch. Did you go fishing? A lot of fishing.

No, but I just kind of live vicariously through sass. He won't take me out because he thinks I'm not a rodsman. I saw that fish you caught with Sidney Wells. Yeah, it was cool. Did you eat it? No. Did you eat it? No. Did you kill it? No. Did you bait cast a reel? No, it was just regular spin rods. No bait casters.

Did you pull it in? Yeah, of course. The big one, no. So what did you do? You take it off the hook? Oh, you held a fish. You know what was funny? You're hard to hold. Oh, you held a fish. Noah was funny. They're hard to hold. Yeah, kudos to you.

So we get out there, and it's like me, Francis, and Sydney, and then her friend, this guy Drake, who's like a guide, and we go out, and you're sight fishing, so you're looking for the fish in the water. You're not just casting obliviously. You're just looking for them. And they are up on this like higher platform and they see them and it's like two of the guides and they both cast into the cobia and then they hook them instantly and then they give the rods to me and francis yeah and i was like i was like this feels

really bad like this isn't enjoyable and then after that they like let us fish regularly but they said that they do that because when they go out like a lot of people have never fished before and they just want to get a fish in the boat yeah that's i've i've gone on those fishing trips multiple times yeah it's very funny because they guarantee that you'll get a fish yeah and like if you don't get a fish for the first couple hours they'll go to like a spot where it's like we just have them on deck yeah yeah they're dumb fish we'll get yeah was the guy uh holding your hips when he went no they they just dropped them down to you and then and then they were like take a picture and they're like aren't you guys pumped he caught a fish and i was

like i didn't do shit i fucking reeled in a fish that you caught. It sounds like he didn't either. You see the fish. You just drop the bait down. No, you got to cast it. You got to lead the fish by like 10 feet, and then you got to reel it in. And then they come in. They smack. It's pretty sick.

It is really cool watching them take it. Look at that. That one, none of us caught that one. You don't look happy at all. None of us caught that one. I don't know if you can tell by the photo. I'm holding that entire fish. They're not holding anything.

It was a 50-pound fish. Why is it so erect at the front? What's happening there? That weight distribution is not right. How is the front half staying up? I don't know. Somebody else has to be holding the fish. They were not holding.

What's that hand? I know what it is. Why? Is it frozen solid? I was holding. You're lying to us. I'm holding that entire fish. No, you're not.

I swear to God I am. No, you're not. I swear to God I am. No, you're not. I don't think they were holding anything. Francis was holding his face. If Francis was holding it, it was like one of these where you just hold it by like. That's a low-bearing finger. What's with the man spread, though, my brother? There's a hand right there.

What's that? They didn't feel like it. Did not feel like it. I mean, you can tell by the look on my face with the look on Francis' face who's holding most of that weight. You're holding the lightest part of the fish. No.

Yeah, you are. The tail. Brother, no, the tail. Wait, and Sidney's got her hands out. No. The tail, the tail you got to grab onto really hard because he was like, it's going to smack you in the stomach

and it'll hurt a lot. You got to really grab it as hard as you can. The tail will smack. You are gripping. I thought that was just your closed mouth smile. I didn't know that was your grimace. Oh, there it is. Have you gotten cuter?

A little bit, yeah. No, definitely not. Do the closed mouth smile. Do it into the camera. See if we can get a zoom in four times. I don't want to. I think you did get a lot. Show it off. Give us an arrow.

No. Come on. Why? I don't play around like that. You got rid of the arrow? One closed mouth smile, bro. No. You were about to do it. This feels like good old days. That's refusing to do something very simple.

He's got a different contract now, baby. He doesn't have to talk to any of us. He's just talking to Roan. I'm here on my free time. What are you doing? Are you part of Francis' special this weekend? Yeah, I'm opening for him. Love it.

Where's Francis? He's coming he's gonna be here today oh yeah he later i think he should be here in an hour he's playing in roofball tomorrow is he really yes oh very fun he is frankie francis and pft have been added oh so we have five groups very nice yeah and we're gonna draft we're gonna we're gonna do uh a draft so it'll be five people and then they get to pick who's in their group with them. Awesome. So we'll have those set today.

Perfect. And also, we're out here for Pop Punk. Friday. Still some tickets available. Go to the Pop Punk show. Dude, Joe's on Weed is one of my favorite places in Chicago. Yeah, isn't it? Those guys are the best.

Was there like a – oh, we did the gambling stream. We did gambling streams there during COVID. They were the only ones who they opened up. They opened their doors for us. They're the best. Dispensary right across the street. Whole Foods. Coors Light Deals.

The strip club's gone. Yeah, but people will strip. Oh, no. I heard Nick's thing, and I kind of agreed with him. No. What have we got? What was there you think? I think that people aren't going to strip clubs as much i think they're gonna they're dying no yeah dan i'm doubling down yeah i think

they're gonna go extinct i had a couple people tell me i was out of touch i'm like from ass and titties from horny dudes yeah what people aren't my book you're an outlier what do you mean there's definitely hornier guys than me out there well he's 27 I've been to strip clubs with Mook I've been to a strip club with Mook but it was there was no strippers the young men become old men and it was a BYOB the young men become old men with money

and they're horny it's dying I'm not going to let you bully me we went on a bachelor party this weekend we didn't touch a strip club we disparaged strip clubs I think OnlyFans changed it. We went on a bachelor party this weekend. We didn't touch a strip club. Really? In fact, we disparaged strip clubs.

You went on a bachelor party in Philly. No, we went never. Oh. Strip club capital. Most things per capita. Oh, the Phillies were playing. Yeah, yeah, they were playing the Rockies. But we disparaged them, honestly. And I don't think that all strippers are poor drug addicts, but some of them are.

Some of them are just regular dirty women. All right, I'll take my L. How can we track it? What was the thought process? What's the argument for them dying? I got invited to a strip club. Gen Z's are basically beta males. They're not drinking as much.

They're not going out as much. They're not pursuing women as much in the rise of social media. Medicaid. Accessibility. Only fans. Access all the porn. Porn.

They're going to just stay in their rooms. Hot chicks, just the OnlyFans argument makes sense. The hot chicks are starting OnlyFans instead of. No, but you go to a strip club kind of hoping you're going to have a personal one-on-one with a stripper at some point. And you can just do that from your couch now. No, it's not the same. And you can just do that from your couch now. You can get even more. You want to feel ass on cock.

No, no. Amen, brother. You have no room. You fled the scene. You want titties in the face. Yeah, there's video proof of you being gay. That is true. You actually are the guy who's going to kill strip clubs.

I might be. That photo of me might like leading the anti-strip club movement You're the face of it That was the most you've ever gotten harassed Oh that was sexual harassment What were people saying? Borderline assault People were mad at you Yeah they were

Oh people were mad at me For not touching Fonda Yeah And I was just still trying to work through the emotions of being a victim Yeah Dude those first couple months of you on the yak And I was just still trying to work through the emotions of being a victim. Yeah. Dude, those first couple months of you on the yak. That was like less than a year ago.

That was probably May of last year. Yeah. Wow. That incident? Yeah. Is Kate liable for this? Oh, yeah. Dave was not happy. That was very awkward.

Do you feel bad about that? He walked in after and yelled at kate yeah dude that the the drive that that lady had when you were like i'll give you a hundred bucks if you give him a lap dance i mean you could probably give her she'd probably kill someone for like 150 yeah because i was like no and she was like i need the money. I'm doing it. I have. You tried to run out the room and she cowboy collar tackled you. Yeah. I told her to be casual.

I like tried to explain the act. I was like, you don't have to like go all out and you can just wear like a tank top and like short shorts and that's fine. In my defense, I didn't know.

That the stripper would be scantily clad? Yes. Let me ask. Rowan bailed out. I bailed out too. He didn't get any flack But I also heard Kate Being like

Take more off I slapped her around A little bit beforehand Nick and Katie Do you think strip clubs Would go out of style In West Virginia Oh they're disgusting there

I understand But answer the question Yeah there's no There's no industry What was that one We went to in West Virginia? We went to a great one. It had an A-frame roof.

A hot tub, too. A hot tub. You could go in the hot tub. You would have to put a band-aid over the hole of your penis, right? Did she get in the hot tub with you? I didn't get in the hot tub. Someone from Barstool got in the hot tub.

Was this a rough and rowdy crowd? Yes. They got squirted in breast milk. Sounds like something Caleb would do. Dave? No way. No comment. Wait, so did someone bring a bathing suit to the strip club?

I don't know. I wasn't there. I just heard afterwards. Dude, the sound of you wearing your squeaky flip flops out of a strip club. Wearing flip flops to a strip club. Did they let you hose down after? I wasn't there. I just heard afterwards that someone from Barstool got into a hot tub.

At a strip club. At a strip club. They must sell bathing suits. Is it behind the scenes? I think it's like upstairs. Did you go to the one? No, no. The person.

Yeah, I think I was there that night. I'm not going to reveal a source. Cannot. Give a hint. Cannot. I think that you've gotten just enough information. Yeah, you've gotten just enough. It was either Caleb or Large, maybe. Robbie Fox? No way!

Roan? We've clearly listed one of the names by the silence and the staring. We've also said everything is from Arrow. No, but if we start giving out hints and then it becomes clear. I don't think there's any shame in that. I don't even know what hint we would give out, like he owns the company. That would be too much. I wouldn't do that.

Who could that be? I think a little bit less than that. Oh, man. It was a good time. What was that be? Like a little bit less. Oh, man. It was a good time. What was it called? It was like the pleasure or something. I don't even know. Or some shit like that.

But it wasn't a dome. It was an A-frame. But that thing's never going to go out. I guess they're all going to go. I guess maybe I have more faith in the Gen Z generation that it's not all. You should start a fund. Yeah. Bring back. Yeah. Give should start a fund. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Give ones to college kids. Yeah. I went to a strip club with Tommy and Mike Wallace in L.A. And we walked in and it was not a strip club. It was like a prostitution ring. And we left immediately. So most of them are. Steven and I went to one in la that was we were the only two people there we walked in and it was 30 girls

sitting on bleachers yeah like waiting to be selected backyard baseball yeah no oh we went to one right by where we were staying for the super bowl and it was literally steven i walked in the two and like they the Super Bowl, and it was literally Steve and I walked in, and they all came out. It was like Field of Dreams. It was Penny Caliguti. It was Pete Wheeler, Keisha Phillips. They called this place a companionship club.

Oh. Where it's like you take them on a date in the place. You can go play pool with them. And then we left immediately, and then the janitor comes out and he's like, you know, a lot of these girls will fuck you for 200 bucks. And he was like, think about it, that's how much you'd spend on a date anyway. And then Tommy and Mike were like, yeah, it's actually a pretty good pool. I was like, I'm ordering a new pool right now.

So you left them? They all left. They all left. They came. They came? They came back to the hotel. That's always good. Those were the days.

Were you fresh off karaoke? Yes. That was right after karaoke. What were you doing in LA with Tommy? We were doing Neighborhood Eats, RIP. Wait. It's been like two years since the last one. They say it's on talk.

They don't bring it back. They don't make eats in neighborhoods anymore? People eat still. People still eat. That's going out too. Eating? Yeah. Yeah.

Eating out? I heard that, yeah. People are just Uber eatsing. DoorDash. It's killed neighborhood eats. Gone are the days. So fucked But I just feel like

For every Like Encampment At a college protest That's going on right now There's the dudes who Defended the American flag

Yes And made like a half a million dollars For a rager Yeah Those guys are gonna keep Going to strip clubs Those guys will remain strip clubs Right

The old misc dudes What? The old misc guys? Yeah Yeah They're definitely strip clubs. Those guys will remain strip clubs. The Ole Miss dudes? What? The Ole Miss guys? Yeah. Yeah. They're definitely strip clubs. But so many of the fringe frat guys are turning into leftists. Oh, yeah.

Very shut-ins. Deeply religious. Yeah. Oh, like Andrew Tate guys? Yeah, they're very traditional. Yeah, we can't lose those guys. You're right. No, please, please.

You first, please. No, no, please. I beg you first. You know what's on the come up is male strippers, though. I have a bro that went to a amateur stripper night, and he made $350. What? A friend of mine. What is it? What? Is that Pike?

Wouldn't you be pissed if you went to a strip club and it was amateur night? Yeah. Like, what the fuck? And it's a dude? Yeah. What the hell? No, because they're more attainable. If I'm going to see male strippers, I'm probably not

having the best time with dudes. Have you ever been at a bachelor party or bachelorette party, rather, where they have a stripper? And are women really into it or do they run to the corner and scream? Into it, but in this hilarious a stripper and are women really into it or do they like run to the corner and like scream into it but in like a

isn't this hilarious way that this guy is just absolutely riding me in the middle of the room they're not like horny not horny you're like getting

I'd be rock hard it should be he's like wheelbarrowing you but you're all laughing while it's happening does he do the motorboat with his dick yeah is he hard

with his yeah is it hard with songs no not hard I'll be probably like 50% hard. You ever see the Dancing Bear videos? Of course.

Oh, yeah. Of course, of course. How do you get involved in that? What does that mean? I was under the assumption that was just pornography. That's stage pornography. That's not a bachelorette part?

No, I think you fell for that. She could get out of the dryer so easy. I mean, it's just a dude with a giant hog going around to every girl in the room like, suck my dick. That's porn.

Yeah, that is porn. That's porn. That is porn. But there's probably a pay structure where it's like there's other girls who are in the room that are getting $100 and then there's the woman who actually performs the fellatio that gets $500. Got it. The bachelorette party thing now is the horny chef.

I think I talked about it on here before, but have you seen it? The videos where the bachelorette party will get the chef to come in, and he just, it's like hibachi, but he's degrading them the whole time. Like he's choking them while he gives them a shrimp. But how would you? He's like slapping them with the steaks across their tits before he puts it on the grill. Is that different from the one guy who was making the videos as he was cooking,

and he was like fucking all the food as he was making it? This guy actually like slaps meat across ladies' tits and then will put it on the grill. And all the women are like, ah. Wait, hold on. Mook, you saw a video of a guy getting sucked off by like 10 girls and you're like, this is... A bachelor.

Yeah, this is like the next level. Footage, rare footage of a real bachelor. This hidden camera footage is very... Are you like... No, they make it look pretty real. This dude forgot about fiction. Yeah, they're waiting their turn. It's like a party bus.

When you see a white van go by, you're like, I wonder if there's a MILF in there that wants to fuck me. Dude, you never know. Goddamn, I should be a casting agent. Those guys just fuck everyone. Where's that pizza guy going? I feel like, Kate, what you said about the laughing, that's how it should be.

You should be laughing. Yeah. It's weird when you go into a strip club and no one's laughing, and then you're like, oh, this is like, we're seriously horny. Yes. Have you ever gone to a strip club with just like one of your friends? Steven Schenker, man. Yeah.

It's not fun. It's weird. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. It's very weird. Just two dudes in it. Yeah. You need a group. There's a dark energy. But even very weird. Just two dudes in it. Yeah. You need a group.

There's a dark energy. Even if you go with a group, one guy takes it too seriously. I think a strip club, you have to go either by yourself or like four or more. Okay. Yeah. By yourself. Yeah, by yourself. Whoa, there's a lot of by yourself guys.

Jerry. Yeah, Jerry's right here. We literally talked to Jerry yesterday. He got scammed by a stripper. She just took his money and went. That doesn't make it any less insane. It's just people do it. But they exist.

Those guys exist. But that doesn't. I agree. That's insane. But you're not broken. I'd rather go alone than one-on-one with somebody. Yeah. No.

Oh, yeah. You at least hide your shame. Yeah, that's true. Guys going alone are the horniest. Going alone, you risk seeing someone you know i don't i don't think so and then they're like they're in a strip club also no it's way different a guy like a guy alone strip club guy like you just you know who he is it's not like he's hiding that yeah like the rest of his life falls in line with like oh you go to strip clubs alone you

could tell within the first half second of meeting someone. But if we went, if just coincidentally tonight, I went to a strip club by myself. Yeah. And then I walked in and I saw all of you guys there. You guys wouldn't be like, hey, you're at a strip club too. You'd be like, why are you here by yourself? This is weird and scary. We'd be mad that we didn't invite you.

It would probably be a lot of shame and and anger yeah from me yeah because i'd be pissed that you guys didn't invite me and i also be like i can't believe they all know that i go to strip clubs alone this has happened to me that would be the worst what i went to a strip club with one group of friends in atlantic city they left i was like i got 40 bucks left i'm gonna ride this out yeah bare exposure yes very nice crazy place very nice um and then i was there for like another half hour another group of friends rolled up and were like why are you here cool and it was like the most weirdest moment of my life yeah that's tough to explain yeah i was with a crew and they all left so you were there like why'd you why'd you ride it out yeah i had like 40 bucks left i was like fuck it i'm gonna

because but aren't you just sitting there that doesn't it could have paid rent yeah i never You were there. Why'd you ride it out? Yeah. I had like 40 bucks left. I was like, fuck it. I'm going to. But aren't you just sitting there getting horny? That doesn't exist. You could have paid rent. I never understood this. Why don't you just like want to just beat it silly the whole time? Right. I would just rush home. Right.

I don't know. Keep the thought in your head. I was like 21. I was like, this is awesome. Do guys like go into the bathroom then and jerk off? Like what? No. No.

I always wondered. You're not in your pants right there. Yeah then and jerk off? No. I always wondered. You're not in your pants right there. Yeah. What? Yeah, so that you're with your boys is hard. You wear a condom. You wear a condom. Oh, yeah.

In case you get pantsed. Yeah. You just. I don't get the appeal. I'm not a strip club guy. I just know that it. You're a strip club guy. I've probably been.

Outside of bachelor parties i've i've probably only been like once once with steven why did you that super bowl it was a strip club right next to our hotel and we were there for like seven days we're like let's just go see yeah and we saw and it was not pleasant what what what a year phoenix no la la yeah i don't think other than Yeah, I don't think, other than... Oh, yeah. I don't think I've been to strip clubs. When were strip clubs at their peak? The 80s? Probably like the 80s, yeah.

Yeah, like rock stars would... And before you could get porno on your phone, you had to go somewhere to see the nudity. Most of them were just a front for like a New Jersey mafia. Yeah, bada-bing shit. Well, wouldn't it be more like a party, too? I feel like all the strip clubs now, the only people that are in there are horny dudes. In all movies and shit, you see strip clubs and there's girls.

Some are awesome. Yeah, I went to one in Charleston for a bachelor party. It was BYOB and it was girls and guys. It was just like an after party. That's what me and Mook went to in Nashville. Yeah, or like Eleven is not, that's not real life. We went to like a horny tailgate. Yeah.

It was just dudes and I bought 30 beers and I was just giving them away to other dudes. There was no strippers. They were all fully clothed because after 4 a.m. they have to put their clothes on. They closed the NASCAR theme on a wheel. They closed it? Yeah. Dangerous curves. That's gone.

Yeah. The private room was a closet without a door and a wheelie. They close it? Yeah. Dangerous curves. That's gone. Yeah. The private room was a closet without a door and a shower curtain. Oh. And a race car bed to fuck with.

You would just see like dudes like ankles. It was It was across the street from the shit plant. Yeah. They were making shit? Just storing.

You smelled fecal matter within like a two mile radius. Yeah. I used to go to the strip club in GTA and kill everybody. We were eight years old. Walking into strip clubs and beating women with baseball. And we were like, fuck you, mom.

Why can't I play this? And I learned that I could get my money back from a whore by killing people. I would take out my, you could bring an RPG in. And that would be bad at my mom for not buying it. Yeah, we would just beat the shit out of women on the street and they would have realistic reactions. They would wail and moan. I remember my mom heard me yelling like, don't run from me.

I was in first grade. Say a word and I'll kill you. With a rocket. My parents wouldn't let me buy wrestling video games for the same reason. Because you could get like. Those are pretty violent.

Fight Trish Stratus as like the Undertaker. Yeah. Really? And she never stood a chance. Yeah. They didn't give them equal like skills. Dude, there's shit. You know in ship plants they extract the water from the shit and use it?

Yeah, Bill Gates is on that. Really? He created a whole poop water thing that is supposed to save the world. They do it in Pennsylvania, in East Falls. There's one that they just extract the water from the shit. Bill Gates would drink that water on talk shows. That's his new thing. Yeah, he drinks poop water.

He'll bring out the poop water and be like I'm rich but I'll still drink this It's definitely just Evian It's just straight up shit water No it's Straight up He has to spit out

Chunks Like he's chewing sunflowers He puts in a retainer that's actually just like a colander. He puts cheesecloth in his mouth. A strainer. Watch this. It's so easy. I was dry turd. I'm going on a seven day fishing trip with my friends and we have to get these water filters. And one of my buddies was like, you got to get a life straw. And I looked up the life straw and it's like kids in Africa like drink they're just drinking out of mud oh yeah they just put it right you're just like these poor fuckers it's so crazy i was losing it when i saw him just on all fours over a mud puddle

they were covered in flies i know yeah we just have to laugh yeah you guys laughed way before i tried to change and then i think you're setting up for a joke it's like your cheeseburger video. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a joke. No, it's just funny. It's fucked up. Ever seen a cheeseburger video?

Yeah, which was hilarious. I'm not going to deny that. I'm just having a cheeseburger. That was crazy. That was probably one of the worst days of my life. Yeah. Imagine how he felt. He probably didn't have a good day.

I saw a video online where a guy just got pulled over And he was eating a cheeseburger And the cop just lit him up with like 10 shots And Sass was like dude You should see his reaction though He was like I'm just having a cheeseburger The video was funny But damn when I brought it up

TJ was like he's in critical condition I was like my whole career Flashed before my eyes. It was funny when I originally watched it. The premise is funny. Yes. You saw it and laughed like in bed? No, Shane showed it to me and we were laughing the whole weekend about the video.

And then I got, I was unbelievably hungover, flew in from Buffalo to the act. And I was like, this is all I've got to bring to the table. Guy gets shot. This video that we've been laughing at all weekend. And then I showed it, and not a single person laughed. And everyone looked at me like, you're done. Well, because we had just watched the George Floyd video, which is way funnier.

Hard to follow. Oh, man. We're going to Wyoming. Nice. Wow. Yeah. So are you. We're going to Wyoming. Nice. Wow. Yeah. So are you getting a life straw? No.

Okay. Okay. I got one that's just like a bag. It's like a filter, and it filters it as you're drinking it. I wouldn't want you to demean yourself by getting a life straw. On a fishing trip? Yeah. What body of Wawa?

We're going to one river for two days, and then we're going up into the Alpine lakes. Deep. He said he's getting there three days early to adjust to the altitude. Well, because we're going to be at 10,000 feet. Oh, yeah, and you don't do well with altitude. No. You almost died that one time. I did.

My lung almost collapsed. Yeah, your lung. You came back complaining about your lung. I totally forgot about that. You're going three days in advance? No, I'm going one day in advance. And we're going to a place that's 7,000 feet, which will be fine, but then we're going to a place that's

10,000 that peaks at like 12,000. You should get one of those masks to train. Let's go fish here in one of those masks. Remember when I got that mask during COVID? I'd come over to your house. I was wearing a weighted vest and an oxygen mask. I looked like a cop walking down the street. I had a waist vest, tactical glasses and oxygen. The Marshawn Lynch? Yeah. And I would invest in an oxygen mask. Dude. I looked like a cop walking down the street. I'd invest tactical glasses and oxygen.

The Marshawn Lynch? Yeah. And I would just walk down the street, and I'd look like an ATF agent. A problem, but those are one of those things where you do feel badass. Oh, definitely. You look so badass. Yeah. Yeah, I would show up to Roan's house, and I had just 50 pounds on my chest.

I love dressing tactical. That's like the manliest feeling. Yeah. I can't use any of it. No. I've never done anything tactical. No. Never.

I think that's why militias are on the rise. I think dudes just feel cool as hell. None of those guys actually hate minorities. They just want to wear the Punisher. I kind of get it. Guys can't like the Punisher anymore. Yeah. Well, it's because the't like the Punisher anymore. Yeah. Well, it's because the premise of the superhero is cool.

It sucks. Actually, those guys are just playing dress up. Yeah. They want to wear cargo pants without having people like make fun of them. Yeah. What happens if you do make fun of them? They probably kill you. Yeah.

Yeah. I spent $400 on a knife once. I'm afraid of it. Where is it? You probably won't even touch it. I won't touch it. It's in my place. Knives are scary. I have a knife once. I'm afraid of it. Where is it? You probably won't even touch it. Won't touch it. It's in my place. Knives are scary.

I have a knife at my apartment. Oh, shit. No way. That's crazy. And you left it there? Oh, you got a knife. You got a knife. I got a blade.

I got an L.L. Bean blade. It's a great blade. That's pussy. No, it's great. Wooden handle. L.L. Bean? Yeah. L.L. Bean's a great brand.

I know, but- Not for knives. That's not a knife. That's a- Nah. For knives. Not for knives. This is a sharp-ass blade. Dou.L. Bean's a great brand. I know, but... Not for knives. That's not a knife. That's a... Nah. For knives. Not for knives. This is a sharp-ass blade.

Give me your loafers. I like that collared shirt. It's a good blade. But I will say, I definitely imagine myself doing more manly things with it. Yeah. And instead I'm just... Just opening a kind of soup box. I cut up an Amazon package.

Yeah, yeah. Setting up Ikea furniture with it. Nick, you're knife'm just opening a kind of soup box. I cut up an Amazon package. Yeah, yeah. Setting up Ikea furniture with it. Nick, you're knife rich though, aren't you? Yeah, I'm flush. Did you bring all your knives to Chicago?

Yeah. I guess you can never have. Yeah, that one was sent to me. I think Fox. You haven't done it right yet, I'm afraid.

Yeah, be careful. Oh, God. There we go. That looks like a... It's illegal. Yeah, I was gonna say. Is there any ethical way to use brass knuckles?

No, I don't think so. They're illegal, yeah. Yeah, you have to sell it as a belt buckle. Are they that bad, though? Yes, yes. You want to try? They have to be. Let's do a brass knuckle.

Okay, those ones are sharp, so obviously those ones would be bad. But, like, I'm not a strong person. I'm a weak man. If I punched someone with brass knuckles, would it kill them? It would probably, like, you could probably break their jaw pretty easily. Yeah? I'd bet. Could you, like, hunt a deer with brass knuckles?

That would be awesome. That would be, like, the most badass thing of all time. Sidney, you should do that with Sidney Wells. That would be awesome. Wait, yeah. My weapon of choice. You guys did take your weapons. Melee hunting.

Fastest down to S. Melee hunting. Or, like, fishing. I grew up with, killed a deer with nunchucks by accident. Who did? By accident? You guys did take me lay hunting A deer with nunchucks by accident I grew up with It was during the vine era he made two vines the first one was chasing a deer with nunchucks The second one was the cops showing up to put down the deer because he accidentally like caught up to it and hit it Who's fucking brother nature? You do that. Just push up on it. The bastard brother nature. Realize I'm a samurai? There you are.

Yeah, there we go. There you go. Got a little bit of jam to it. These would not kill anybody. This would, you'd be like, stop.

Quit it, man. That's annoying. No, I know people that have gotten their jaw broken from brass knuckles. Well, this isn't brass. This is plastic. I feel like brass knuckles you Well, this isn't brass. This is plastic. I feel like brass knuckles you have to have a scally cap on.

What is this backside for? Breaking glass? Yeah, I think so. Somebody sent that to me. Should I put it on my camera? Yeah. Sass, how's your apartment? How's life?

It's great. Yeah? Yeah. You got TV? Big ass TV. Really? I'm looking to upgrade. You know he lives on Emily Yeah. You got TV? Big ass TV. Really? I'm looking to upgrade. You know he lives on Emily

Ratajkowski Street? Neighbors. What? She lives in the Jenga building, doesn't she? I don't know. She lives on Billionaire Row. Have you guys shared a moment? A couple times. Seriously? Yeah. I don't know if she knows about it. You're stalking her? I think she's been dating

younger guys. Yeah, Eric Andre. God, imagine how mad the internet would be if Sass fucked Emily Radjikowski. That would be like, people would be like, this fucking loser. I'm in the gym six days a week for what? And you're just like,

yeah, I fucked Emily Radjikowski. Didn't take my shirt off. It was pretty, it was alright. Yeah, they say that Radjikowski. Didn't take my shirt off. It was alright. Yeah, they say that she lives near me. They say. You told me. Well, some dude came up to me on the street and told me. You guys haven't seen her?

Some random dude. That sounds like a stalker. No, a guy that I actually knew in college apparently lives by me now. And he came up to me and he was like you know Emily Ratajkowski lives like right here there is paparazzi on your block all the time there is

damn the vice president was local a couple days ago she likes to stop by every now and then Kamala Mamala Mamala

Mamala Mamala Mamala yeah that is a big do any celebrities permanently live in Chicago like A-list celebrities? Big Cat.

CM Punk. CM Punk. CM Punk, Big Cat. Vince Vaughn used to have a place. Jeremy Allen White comes a lot, right? Well, he's filming. He's filming. It's not permanent.

The New Boot Goofin. Oh, he's here. The Reno 911 guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The A-list celeb that we can't think of a name of. Vince Vaughn used to have a penthouse on Michigan Ave. Michael Jordan used to live here.

Kanye. His house. Yeah. Oprah. You know who I passed on the street the other day? Oh, Chance. I wanted to invite him to the Yak, but I forgot his name. Still forget his name.

Cold White Boy on Marquette. Ohler cole he's like one of the few basketball players i recognize and i love him but yeah he's got his name he has uh can't read allegations that was right what oh really i think he has can't read allegations let's bring him into the sporkle yeah no he's uh he's worked out here like oh he's worked out here like three times. Oh, he's worked out here? Yes. Oh. He was here on Friday. Okay, well then, yeah. Yeah. How do you remember him? Because I've looked into him, seen some clips, some interviews.

How's he doing the interviews? He's got the camera. Good. Yeah. He just said, like, that's his barbecue chicken. Oh. He says that? Yeah, he said it coolly. I think i think he like posted a picture of him graduating

he's like i can't read yeah it was upside down yeah when people say someone can't read they mean like they straight up like if they they wouldn't be able to know that that says the yak i don't know i don't know either i don't like it's also kind of fucked up to them i think yeah yeah it's like japanese porn yeah it's just shapes i think can't read the spectrum yeah like you see a stop sign you're like well i recognize it from the shape that was like the 50 cent floyd mayweather yeah it was just like you read one perry book. Yeah. This is kind of fucked up. One chapter. Yeah.

Yeah. It is funny. Yeah. But it's hard to fight back. He's a poster boy of not being able to read. He's the first guy that comes to mind. Floyd.

Floyd. Yeah. Who else you guys think of that can't read. There's a hockey coach that won a Stanley Cup one time. I don't know why I remember this John Reed.

Jock. Let me think about it. He's Canadian. He's like a French Canadian guy. I don't know why this story stuck with me but I just like I sat there and thought about it for like months the guy like won the Stanley Cup you can't even read his own name yeah I was like how do you write scouting reports how do you fucking yeah he's Dr. Mears Dr. Mears Wow Dr. Mears who's on the Mount Rushmore of fucking illiterates? When they bring out the Stanley Cup, do you just have to be like, this might be it? Yeah.

I don't know. I can't. My name's somewhere. Yeah. I think. Who's the most famous kid out right now? Kid? Yeah, that's a good question.

What do you mean, kid? Like a child. Who's the most famous kid? Oh, yeah. The Four Seasons baby. Baby Gronk? No, there's more famous kids than that baby. He's the most famous kid? Oh, yeah, the Four Seasons baby. Baby Gronk? No, there's more famous kids than that baby. He's functionally illiterate.

He told the world he couldn't read when a book he released. The book was called All Spelled Out. That's brutal. He's a functionally illiterate. Oh, he's abused. Oh, see, it's always sad. There's never a good reason. No, yeah. It's never like someone like, ah, I just didn't feel like reading.

Yeah, I missed class that day. And then I just sat there. I was like, that's fucking crazy. I guess it's always a bad reason. Like being an athlete and not knowing how to read actually kind of makes sense to me. Like you just play ball. Oh, yeah. There's no reason to read.

There's no reason to read. But to be a coach, I was like, damn, that's – You know X and O. Yeah. That's it. I don't know any other letters. Cross and circle. You know, the two symbols from Tic-Tac-Toe. You know them as letters. So who's the number one kid out?

That's a good question. It's probably some politician's child or something. I think it's either Blue Ivy or... Baron's legal. Baron might be... Baron's legal. Or beach. Well Well everyone's talking about Kim Kardashian's daughter Who just did the play

Did you guys see that video She was in the Lion King And she sucked How'd she get to the role Definitely the same way Bronny James is going to be drafted in the first round The same way that we have a second Donnie. You guys seen Donnie's brother?

I did, yeah. He's just Donnie. Yeah, he's Donnie. What's his name? He has such a him name. We're just calling him Donnie. His name's Kevin. Yeah, but he's Donnie.

He's Donnie as well. Are we going to watch the intern's day in the life video? Yes. Is it ready? Yes. We got a real oddball. This kid is, he wrote me a handwritten note today apologizing for our first interaction how's his handwriting not good fire

his ass so here's what happened it first impression i hank and i met with the interns were like hey if you're behind the scenes you you'll be behind the scenes. And he raises I was like any question he raises. He's like gauntlet today. And I was like, what are you doing? So that was bad. But then he came on the act and he told us that he tried out for the University of Florida football team four years in a row. I did see that clip as a running back, as a running back, never playing. So he's back up. And then I got to my office today and he had a handwritten note saying sorry. And I had to explain to him.

I was like, dude, if I say a story in public, that means you're not in trouble. Like, that was just a funny interaction we had. Like, you're not. He said, okay, got it. And then he did his get ready with me, which I haven't seen. I'm excited. I think I like him, though. I like him.

I like him just because I think his intuition is wrong. Is this Cran? At every turn. He's Viva. Which makes him very... Nobody's not Viva. Oh, he's Viva. Really?

He's not Viva. He's not Viva. He is not Viva, TJ. You know why he's not Viva? He came in day one. He went up to Fasoli. He said, oh, you're Nicky Smokes. Whoa. You can't be more on Viva than that.

Who's more insulted by that? Fasoli was very hurt. Very hurt. Because he thinks these interns should, you know. Bow down. Kiss the ring. Well, yeah, he does a Viva test on all of them. It's very similar to, you know.

Like an immigration test? Yeah, right. When you get your citizenship. Seeing all of Rise Pageview's rise. He has pretty good handwriting. Yeah, he does. He's probably gay. Would be.

I like him though now. He's ass. Even though. He very openly is. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. That would be hilarious.

Drinking mud. Yeah, but I had to explain to him. I was like, dude, if you actually were in trouble, I would have said something privately, not a one-off. Yeah. Ha-ha. He had a weird interaction. Did you write him a letter back?

I did not. I told him, please don't write me any more letters. He's got a good body, though, right? Like a really, he's. No. It seemed like he had a good body. He doesn't have a good body? No, no, no, no.

He got a bad body? No, yeah, he's no it seemed like he had a good body he doesn't have a good body no no you got a bad body no yeah bad body what's his measurable does he look like he was like 6'2 220 no he's smaller than that ran a 5'5 40 as a running back but again I like him because I think I like I said I think if you gave him an option like a fork in the road he'd pick the wrong way every time which is funny that goes a long way yeah that goes i told him i was like just keep being yourself because if your intuition just keeps being wrong i can use that if you're over on 50 50s uh you'll be on top here yeah right over on 50 50s perfect climbing the corporate ladder i've never gotten a 50 50 right he got a zero on his SAT. It's impossible. All right, let's see his get ready with me.

Anybody do a first day of work TikTok? Oh, you should have. You should have. Are you guys, do you guys like posts? Actually, you can get back if you do that for me tomorrow. Get ready with me. Okay. Yeah, but just for personal use.

Don't post it. Just send it to TJ. My second day at Barstool Sports. Picking out the fit was a struggle. False beach. The hanger was not cooperating. Is this a play on Travis with the boys? Oh, there's a knife.

Decisions, decisions. Go commies. Crocs for the boys. Putting the sport in Barstool Sports. Ready to go. I love the environment. Gabe not the environment. All right. All right.

Cave, not the move. Anybody do a first Dave? All right. Okay. All right. He did it. Pretty good. He's back.

He's back to neutral. Did you see Malasek get publicly shamed in the emails? Yes. Oh, my God. We just got an email to everybody in the office that said, Jake Malasek is a slob. Yeah. We found out something worse. What? Oh, no. Oh, my God. We just got an email to everybody in the office that said, Jake Malasek is a slob. Yeah. We found out something worse.

What? Oh, no. Oh, boy. It's bad. Oh, no. We need to get him in here. Does this have to do with measuring tape? No.

Should we get him in here? What? I have something else to do. Yeah, let's just have him say it. I don't even want to utter these words. All right, let's get him in here. Did he measure his dick it's worse he's uh yeah no we had a couple hr violations yesterday because he was being a slob and then nikki smokes came up to max and rubbed his belly

and i was like that's sometimes you can't get out of the way of max's belly though it just kind of fills up a room but that's like listen i i don't want to speak on a turn to hr violations like sexual harassment like you know hooking up with co-workers i think that's fine belly rubbing of fat guys no no can do i'd rather get ball tapped than a belly rub he belly rubbed a very pregnant kate yeah yeah like day two that's right if you have a belly you'll know because he will touch it his hands on it if you're starting to think you're out of shape he'll be the yeah the canary in the cave the all-time worst was dan and beers and i got into like a year-long uh flick of each other's breasts and every time the other person would get like visibly angry probably good arm workout for you

he's he's stacked he's not here not here? Not here. I saw him a little bit ago. He got a haircut. That's probably what it is. Oh, he got the bottom of his mullet chopped off. So tell us what happened, Kyle. It's going to sound like I'm using hyperbole or exaggerating. It's not hyperbole though.

What is hyperbole? You don't misspeak very often. Yeah, this is crazy. That was nuts. That was a fault? Yeah. You said hyperbole. Yeah. And this is the situation where all the focus is going to be on that. So whatever I say afterwards, people are going to...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's break it up. Arena. I've never seen you do that. In the hobby, it's not easy being a fan of ripping packs or repacks. Waukesha, Wisconsin. Remember that? We type ourselves up. I was thinking we could. Cool.

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he says he'll be back in 30 minutes should we wait yeah or do you say it and we stew in it how bad is it I don't want to

I want him yeah because he's awkward I want to know I do too I want to know I want to know now we're hyping it up too much it's just gross it's authentic. I want to know. I do, too. I want to know. I want to know now.

I want to know right now. Now we're hyping it up too much. It's just gross. It's just a gross, hygienic, unhygienic practice. Doesn't wipe his ass? Yeah, it involves that. Oh, no. Does he throw toilet paper in the garbage? All right, now just say it.

If he has to shit before taking a shower, he shits, doesn't wipe, and lets the shower do its thing. That doesn't do its job. No, he remains upright, and he says the shower will careen down his ass cheeks. That means he's going to have shit water running down his legs. That's what he said, right? He doesn't use soap. We know he doesn't use soap. That's what he said, right? Correct, and yes, Titus is correct. He does not use soap.

How does that come up? So the shit water is on the bracket. Does he slide his fingers through his ass crack to credit card himself? Does he credit card out? Does he bend and spread? I said, yeah. Do you like bend over and let the pressure go right to your ass? No, he stays upright.

Oh, he has shit in his ass. He has shit in his ass. I do a bend either way. I will wipe always before a shower. Yeah, I mean, you'll... I will... Not to offend him, because this is a psycho move. If I take a shit before a shower, I might not sit there and wipe forever.

Oh, I'm not doing one swipe. Yeah, a couple clean-ups. I'm not spring cleaning by any means. Right. But that's crazy to not even wipe at all. Let the shower do its thing. I've also had times where I've shit and then I realize there's no toilet paper and just been like, I guess I'm showering. Yeah.

How have your shits been going? Worse than ever. Once a month I think about your shits. Terrible. Your shins. Worse than ever. Yeah. He eats nothing that's not made in a lab. To your shins. Remember when he shit that? What did he say? Yeah. He was like, there's shit on your shins. Worse than ever. Yeah. He eats nothing that's not made in a lab.

To your shin. Remember when he said that? What did he say? Yeah. He was like, there's shit on my shins. Oh, it's on his lower back. Lower back. Diary on your lower back.

Yeah, there is. So how often have you been shitting? You still like once a week? Yeah. Oh my God, dude. Like three times a week probably. Do you have what Nick has? Have you gotten like tested?

I definitely have what he has. It's every time I shit it is. Yeah, you know what? You actually probably have it worse than him. No. Nobody does. I have it pretty bad. I have it like when I shit it's like everything in my body is coming out and it's like it's just hell.

Is it solid? No. So wait, what do you do on a trip like this? Like on your fishing trip? I probably won't shit the whole time. You just hold it in? No. So wait, what do you do on a trip like this, like on your fishing trip? I probably won't shit the whole time. You just hold it in? Do you feel miserable? No, because I've kind of narrowed it down.

I realize I can't eat chicken sandwiches. That's the most basic thing in the world. Like a fried chicken sandwich, absolute no-go. Chicken cutlets, absolutely not. Pizza, I can eat. Still doing chopped cheese? No, no more chopped cheeses. So just pizza?

No, I'm just eating chicken. You're just a ninja turtle. I'm eating rotisserie chicken or salad. I'm eating a lot of salad. Has your body been looking better from the diet change? No. Yeah. I lost a bunch of weight. Has your body been looking better from the diet change? No. Yeah. I lost a bunch of weight from not drinking. Yeah.

Are you off right now? Yeah, I haven't drank in a while. How long? It's been six months since I stopped drinking, but then I drank at that SNL thing. But I'm not counting that. Yeah. I'm just going to say I drank once in six months.

Yeah. It's crazy. Good for you. So do you feel phenomenally better? No. Oh. No, I mean, I feel better. I don't have intense anxiety every day anymore.

You wake up with like a lust for life. No, no. I wake up and I'm like, I don't want to do anything. But it's easier to do things. Yeah. Rowan, you hitched your wagon to the right. Like today I had to wake up at, I woke up at 7 to get on this flight and it was fine. Yeah, it was right like today i had to wake up at i woke up at seven to go to this flight and it was fine yeah it's tolerable wake up like i i've noticed it mostly

on the road where it's like going home i'm like if i drank last night this would be the worst day of my entire life where i have like a connecting flight like yeah sacramento yeah when i was going home from sacramento i had i flew to atl had a three-hour delay, didn't get home. My flight didn't land until 1 a.m. And I left at 9 a.m. And I was like, if I had to do this while hungover, this would have been the worst day imaginable. So that makes it a lot easier. But it's boring as shit.

Yeah, what do you do? So much video games. How often do you stand up? Every night. Oh. So that's good. Yeah often do you stand up? Every night. Oh. So that's good. Yeah. Are you getting close to a special?

No, but I'm doing a... We're about eight years away. Eight years away? Seven or eight. I feel like two years ago we were five years away. No, it was always ten years. It's ten. But I'm doing a ten minute taping in San Diego in two weeks.

Hell yes. You can put that out? That'll go out. Fuck yes. It's for Don't Tell. Is your opening for Francis going to go out or no? No. I'll record it.

Yeah, put it out. Didn't you say you were going to ask Francis to... I had the idea of being like, well, instead of going to San Diego to do this taping, why don't Francis are going to have all the cameras and shit? Why don't I just record my 10? Because I'm doing 10 minutes there. I'm like, why don't I just record that and put it out? And then I was like, well, then that's going to have the exact same backdrop as Francis' special.

It's going to look identical? You just put it out first? Yeah, I can't do that. He's tens of thousands of dollars. It'd be funny if you did it and you wore the exact same thing he wore. Yeah, yeah. You should wear what he wears no matter what. Yeah.

I know. I don't think I could wear what he wears. A black t-shirt? Yeah. Francis has never worn a black t-shirt on stage. It's like some fluorescent thick fabric. I've never seen him wearing a black t-shirt on stage. Francis really dresses up.

Especially, I'm excited to see what he's going to wear for the special. He might wear a tux for all I know. Yeah, he's going to wear a white suit. Yeah. Is he just releasing it on his own or through Barstool? No, it's a whole process. I think he's, I don't know, I probably shouldn't speak for him, but

he's probably going to try and sell it. That's what a lot of people do. So you just did speak for him. To a network, but I don't know what his plan is. It's going to be exciting. I'm pumped to see it. Are you guys going to go? I'm not going to be here. I'm going to go. You're trying to. Pull up the to go. Where are you trying to? Pull up the second picture I just sent you.

Is it Francis doing stand-up in an all-black shirt? Please, no. This cannot be. No, it's something different. Where are you going to be, Nick? Cleveland, Ohio. Bastard. I know.

It's the lowest quality paper. Oh, shit. That could be anybody. You could just Google it. Oh, speaking of that. You could just Google Francis Ellis comedy. It's like half of them are black t-shirts. Wait, that's fine.

Every comedian has worn a black t-shirt. Google it right now, TJ. Images, Francis Ellis comedy. TJ, I want to send you a photo that was on our Reddit yesterday. Scroll down. There it is. There he is. Black t-shirt. There's been scroll down and there he is black t-shirt there's been four of them so far black t-shirt a lot of black t-shirts don't take the l yet you didn't

you didn't miss i swear you didn't miss half aren't damn when francis when you look up francis comedy i'm the i'm i'm in it yeah that's gotta feel bad uh i want to send you this tj and you can be the judge if it can go on youtube or not but this was i was in tears laughing at this last night oh nice it's a lot of butts i don't know if you're allowed to post butts on youtube male butts tj will it is so funny you got to look at the comment on the second screen or the first screenshot too i also sent tj on ebay there's this Yak coin, Kiss coin for $450. There can't be a single bid.

Not yet. Let's buy it back and destroy it. Wait, that's my dad. He said he was going to do that. Oh, really? Is that Winoi? Oh, Winoi. Probably not.

Wait, no, look at the photo, Kyle. Is that your house? Look at the background. He didn't. I don't think he actually did it. How many coins did you guys release? Because I'm getting coined everywhere I go. Lads.

We released $500. It's got to be more than $500. $75 is a strong number. Winoy's been on a hot streak. He's been brazen. He's been in rare form. You get Winoy responding to a Jamel Hill tweet and you know it's going to be gold.

He's got alerts on for her. Too much with the penis size He's been getting into penis size And does he put it up to a poll? I love it when he has a poll Let's let Twitter decide This is KB's dad, Titus

I'm familiar I'm familiar I'm pumped to see how when the election starts Firing up again he's one you want post notifications on for sure yeah he's gonna get himself in trouble absolutely like i don't know how can a retired yeah yeah oh he might get swept up as like an asset for like one of the parties yeah that's for sure i could see that i could see trump picking him up yeah you know what they need though you you're guys your fans have to stop replying to him. I know.

They kill it. That ruins it. They kill it. Yeah, we need a no reply to Wanoi. They love replying. Him and Greer are going on vacation together. What? Yeah, they're going to Port St. Lucie.

What? In Florida? Yeah. Just the two of them? Yeah, they get along. Yeah, I can see that perfectly. Yeah, I know. It makes sense.

How did they? They met on Twitter. They tweet similarly. That is true. They do. Greer's TMZ thing for shame was unbelievable. It was fantastic. It was one of the best.

He's on Darches this weekend. Yeah, he texted me about it. And he was pissed. He was pissed at me, too. Wait,arts is this weekend Yeah he texted me about it And he was pissed He was pissed at me too Wait what is this He said convenient excuse Oh that's what you sent Yeah

You gotta zoom in Is that your watch What the fuck is this God damn That's a big screen Is it Francis That's definitely Francis It's Francis and Roan

I didn't realize there was a crypto conference going across the street from here. That is Francis. That is Francis. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, my God. That's 100% Francis. Oh, my God. That's Francis.

That's just Francis. That might not be Roan. That might not be Roan. It looks like a younger Roan. That is Francis. Is that Clemmer? It's like a Clemmer-Roan hybrid, but that just Francis. That might not be Roan. That might not be Roan. It looks like a younger Roan. That is Francis. Is that Clemmer? It's like a Clemmer-Roan hybrid, but that's Francis. That is Francis.

They're dick to dick. Francis. That is such a funny picture, such a funny caption, and such a funny addition. Of all the people, though, he would be able to talk his way out of it. Like, yeah, it's the Harvard Club. Yeah. They want to make sure we're not recording each other. Of all the people, though, he would be able to talk his way out of it. Like, yeah, it's the Harvard Club. Yeah. We'd meet up. They want to make sure we're not recording each other.

Yeah, we'd meet up. So talk about how to take over the world. Look, Harry. Dick to dick. When you get older, you start adventuring a little bit. This will happen for you. Airball. Airball.

Airball. Listen. Francis is hilarious. I love to see these two boys bicker. Yeah, one Listen. Francis is hilarious. I love to see these two boys bicker. Yeah, one of my boys texted me. They're like, does Sass and Francis hate each other? Yeah, it's funny. People always say shit like that.

Do you guys get that on this show a lot? No. I get that. We get that all the time where people are like. Oh, yeah. Mook gets it. They're like, you can clearly tell Roan, Sass, and Francis despise each other. And it's like, no, not at all.

There's no way, yeah. We record and then we sit in silence for like three minutes and it's like, alright, I'll see you guys on Wednesday. I have one guy that'll DM me and be like it's very apparent Big Cat does not like you. You? I get that too. I get that all the time.

I fucking love you. I know. I love you, Kate. We're working on it. I love you, Kate. No, no. I think we all get it. We're working on it. We're working on it. Come on, man. That's crazy of all the people.

The only crazier would be KB because I think people probably. It's palpable, yeah. Yeah. My love for KB knows no limits. You don't love me, bro? I like you a lot. I like you a lot. I like you a lot. I like me a lot.

No, I love you. I do. Luke and I had a little heart-to-heart on Friday. I love him. Really? Thanks, brother. Well, I mean, they do. I was telling him, and I hate to even address it,

but they do the same thing they did to Owen, to Sass, where it's like they pick out one person and they just go after him. Once they found out that I wasn't going to be on the show in six months, they were like, Sass carries carries this is his show now after those first few months on the show like you would come talk to me and you'd have gun on the breath your breath was smelling like steel it is funny because everyone says they're like you just gotta not read the comments man it's like dude i would would be in like 4chan forums.

An auxiliary forum. Dude, I'll get a fucking email. Like a Reddit post of like, Luke fucking sucks. I'll be hammered. And they flip like, like PFT had to deal with it when Billy got off macrodosing.

Like for the months leading up, everyone was like, Billy's the worst. They got off, they're like, this show sucks without Billy. Yeah. What? Well, son of a boy, we like to keep things very positive over there. Yeah. So people think you guys hate each other?

Sometimes, but for the most part, it's overwhelming support. You and Francis are a little oil and water, but that's like a fun content. Yeah, but off camera, we can hang out and be fine. Yeah, you'd never consider him a friend francis no they're like best friends no i mean we hang out sometimes you don't ever i don't hang out with anybody i see people you play war zone i've been playing the campaign see people campaign yes well you've been hanging out with emily radikowski and m m rata saying you see people i see i go to the comedy clubs and i hang out with people there but i'm not like a big make

plan like if i have nothing to do i'm doing nothing kyle and i hardly see each other yeah i'm very anti-social me too once i mean i realized all my socializing was just binge drinking yeah me too that's where i'm at right you also have a very social job. Yeah, kind of tapped out after. Oh, big time. We hang out five days a week. I've noticed that I'm very bad at small talk outside of the office because by the time I get done with the day, I'm like, all right, I'm social bad.

I'm done talking. Yeah. But you can't exactly go home to, or I can't exactly go home to, like a significant other and be like, I fucking worked so hard today. Right. That's how he feels. We talked about the death of strip clubs for 30 minutes. I am fat.

You can't verbalize. Hard day at the office. I almost won Clue. Sherry beat me. I tried to pass off like I'm anxious for this week. I like woke up with the scaries because I had a case race this week. I tried to sell. I'm like I'm anxious for this week. I woke up with the scaries because I had a case race this week. I tried to sell.

I'm like, oh, I do not want this. I might be home late tonight, babe. This week needs to be fucking over. I might be home late tonight. Kyle just will not get in this balloon. We're going to have to work overtime. He just can't get his ass over the balloon. Pat and I were like legit bickering because it was like almost 8 o'clock,

and I was like, you know I have to get back to the office and like I can't get the baby down and I got in the car, I came here and I put on a ketchup costume. Yeah, right. It's like, oh, okay. That was like when we did the 41 free throws and I went home to take my son to school and my wife was, I was like looking for sympathy and she's like, you came up with the idea.

That was your idea. I was like, this is fucking miserable. She's like, stop coming up with these ideas. Is she numb now? Yeah. It's all the same. The free throws were heroic, though. I mean, that's a different thing.

That actually was heroic. Oh, I actually have a couple questions for my son. It was. Oh, yeah. I love watching. I like going to bed and then waking up and it still happens. It's the best. Yeah.

I had two questions for my son last night. The first was heavy. He said, after you die, are you alive again? Oh. He asked you that? Yeah. them waking up and it's still it's the best yeah i had two questions for my son last night the first was heavy he said after you die are you alive again oh he asked you that yeah i think there have been i think one of his hell no one of his friends at school has been talking about death jesus christ i learned about death from a home improvement i think yeah like you yeah they pick it up and we're right and the other one was was light. He just said, what are blueberries made out of? And I couldn't answer that one. I guess the two ingredients are in the name.

Yeah. Where do berries come from? Seeds? I don't know. What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? I think they're on trees. Bush? Nope. Oh yeah, they're bushes, right? They're bushes. Definitely. Maybe it fell like a tree. Like every berry. Trees which die every winter and then come back Bushes, right? They're bushes. Definitely. Maybe it felt like a tree.

Like every berry. Trees which die every winter and then come back to life. Is there a single berry tree? How does the berry benefit the tree? Cherry trees. Cherry trees. Cherries aren't berries. Cherries, I think, are berries. No.

I think they are. No, cherries are the capital. There's a berry in them. Is there a berry that doesn't have berries? Cherry. Cherry berry. It's easy to think that they're a tree because when you go picking blueberries, you're a child. Right.

And they're big to you because you're so small. Are cranberries berries? They're in a bog. No. Cranberries are... No, they're gourds. You're right. Isn't it weird that...

They can't. Oh. They can't? Wait, are... They're not berries. They're not berries. Try hard enough.'re stone fruits. Are grapes berries?

No. They might be. They might be, actually, yeah. Does it have to have berry in it? I thought it did. They have to have seeds that are edible in the middle. I think strawberry is the exception. Strawberry?

I don't think I've ever actually seen a strawberry in the wild. What? Seeds are on the outside. What do you mean in the wild? Like on a bush. Like in a backyard. Yeah, I've never seen just a strawberry in the wild. What? What do you mean in the wild? Like on a bush. Like in a backyard. Yeah, I've never seen just a natural strawberry bush.

Don't they grow underground? No. You want me to put one in the parking lot for you? Are you guys serious? Do you have them in the parking lot? No, but I just

dropped some strawberries so you can see one in the wild. Hey, put us on. Yeah, where are you seeing all these strawberries? They're everywhere. They're like the most, they're invasive.

They grow just like on the side of the... Yeah, if you plant some in your yard, there'll be like a whole ton of them. Ooh, I want some strawberry fields. They're above ground? How long would they last? How long do the strawberry fields stretch? Forever and ever.

Can we gun them down or what? Yeah, we gotta- Yeah, you can gun them down. Bananas are berries? Ain't no way. It feels like everything is an invasive species everything i everyone talks about so it's in their invasive did you see that dude shooting the asian carp with a shotgun no oh it's awesome but like all fish they're like well that yeah no because like

everyone was like oh wow america's in such a sad place yeah dude is like no they actually should kill them yeah they say pike are invasive they They say that deer, I think deer are. But isn't that anything that like seeks to take over? And like anything could be classified as a weed. Are we invasive? Yeah. Aren't humans? Fucking exactly, bro.

CIA. The most invasive animal out there. Yeah. That's a great point. Never thought about it like that. Yeah. So blueberries, I don't know. I don't know what they're made of. That's a great point Never thought about it like that Yeah so uh Blueberries I don't know

I don't know what they're made of Did you guys hear about This fucking uh This Neuralink This Neuralink dude Who has the shit in his brain No And then it's starting to fall out of his brain

What? To where? Like his chin? What? Like the wires were implanted in his brain And then they weren't deep enough So so they're like coming out of his brain. But they said that it was working for a while, and he could like think about a mouse clicking,

and the mouse would click. Like it was... I saw that. It was actually mind controlling. It was growing though. It was like falling out. Wait, so your brain gets connected to a computer, and I don't understand what it is.

I think that that's like it's the beginning stages of it. So it's like early cell phone games that you could play and shit like that. We're going to be able to navigate a computer screen with our minds. Well they're saying that the next iPad you're going to be able to do that with just your eyes. But I'm fine using my hands.

But it's not even your eyes. It's your brain. It's your thought of like click the mouse. So I could be in my kitchen and just be like, my brain could think, show me a recipe of blank, and it would just, like, pop up on my head. None of this shit works, and no one ever uses any of it. Well, I mean, it's brand new technology. Was this guy, like, paralyzed, or is he just a psycho?

He was a quadriplegic, and he was, like, a 30-year-old quadriplegic. Is this the dude? Yeah, this looks like the guy. Here we go. This is the Link? Yeah, this looks like the guy. Here we go. This is the Link app. This is how I control everything. This is the app that they've uploaded onto my computer that lets me control the cursor. This is my devotional that I've been reading all the time, every day.

And then this is me playing chess. So wait a minute. You're moving the cursor. You're moving the cursor, Nolan, just by thinking about where you want it to go? Or is it your eyes? No, it's just me thinking about wherever I want it to go. Wait, he's paraplegic? Yeah.

Oh, man. So you're not even tracing it with your eyes. But the funniest part about this is it's fucking chess. It's chess. It's the most boring thing you can do. Imagine getting a massive brain surgery where they're putting shit in your head

and they're like you can play Tetris you can play E3 and run from fucking Sasquatch but they said when the shit

started coming out of his head like when it started popping out he like got massively depressed that he wouldn't be able to play

chess anymore so it's like if it was the only thing he had but my question with all this's like if it was the only thing he had. But my question with all this is, if you can think something and then it happens, what happens when you have intrusive thoughts? Right. What if you're like, jump off the balcony or whip my dick out, helicopter it around

and smash a bottle over somebody's head? I had a bad intrusive thought this morning. We were taping a commercial for Pepsi and it was in the kitchen and I was like, what if I just took a knife out and just cut my finger off in front of everyone? Yeah, that's what I mean. How sick would that be? How can Neuralink differentiate an intrusive thought with the real deal?

It was a fun thought. When I went to the Hoover Dam, that's all I could think. Jumping off? I could just do it right now. I was like, what the fuck? It freaked me out. I'll do it driving now I could just do it right now I'll do it driving too I'm the opposite I'm like oh I'm gonna not do that Every time I do an ad read on this show

It's in my head like you know you could say a word And never work again That's what's crazy about that Wipe had that on stage It just slips out I'd be like if I said the M word right now. It's always that. People would be talking about the show.

Yeah, you would have to be a brick watch salesman. Yeah. For like a tiny amount of time. Yeah. Yeah, they got to get Michael Richards a set of brick watches. Wear him on stage for his next set. Louis C.KK said it a bunch true

but he's funny yeah oh yeah he said it but it is bits he was saying that's why he is Louis has the

start of his what is it hilarious what's the one where the opening bit is bad words and it says the M word like 10 times

with a hard R I don't I don't remember it can you tell me more about it? Yeah, so pretty much what he says. It's funny imagining that because doing it in a theater for his fans is probably not worrisome. But when he's just running that at the comedy cellar, there's got to be some people who are like, what the fuck is going on right now?

My word. A ton of tourists are like, what's happening here? This is your culture? I can say it here? This is the guy that got a standing ovation when they brought him up? He's all the way back, huh? Yeah, big time. Comedy's all the way back.

Finally fucking joke again. I know, finally. I was tired of it. Comedy is legal again, thanks to elon musk yeah and tom brady yeah yeah ready to go the two unfunniest guys alive brought back comedy will always really are will always cracks me up because he's like an accomplished like you know nine ten year veteran and but he's such a bro and he's just like we can finally say gay again oh yeah when shane did snl he's just like fucking said retarded gay this is awesome

yeah we can begin to heal as a country oh it's normal again there was does feel kind of good there's this australian comic james mccann he opens for a bunch he has a bit uh where he's like where he's like he does a bunch of poetry and he's like reading out of his thing and he's like he's like a couple of nights he's like a couple months ago i was at a party and i said the word retard and and it was people were cheering and screaming and he goes recently i was at another party very similar environment i said the word retard and it wasn't the same I realized everyone says retard now

no one cares and he goes Alexander sighed for there was no worlds for him to be comforted no worlds and then the rest of the bit

I can't say it's nasty but it's fucking funny speaking of comics you see McCusker is going viral on TikTok oh yeah he framed us in pedophiles wait what did he do I just sent it to TJ but it's fucking funny. Speaking of comics, you see McCusker is going viral on TikTok.

Oh, yeah. He framed us in pedophiles. Wait, what did he do? I just said it to DJ. It's so fucking funny. It's hilarious, yeah. They all wear fucking shirts now. Every little kid at the beach wears a fucking

sun protective shirt. It's like, let me see your pecs. The comments are like, dude, this dude needs to be put down. It's so out of context insane yeah but but pedophile searchers online like that's oh everything yeah the worst thing you can literally be online is a 18 year old dating a 17 year old that's like worse than murder

now it's like and and the people who have the most washed up YouTubers and streamers, Vitaly. Yeah, they're now just pedophile hunters. It's the fakest shit. It's like Bradley Martin and Vitaly. My only one who- Gideon. You were here to meet a 13-year-old girl. My only one who, just like maybe it's the wrong assumption, but if you're that obsessed

with pedophiles, I got questions for you. It's weird as shit. Well, they're not doing it to be heroes because they can't arrest them so they're just like you better not do this yeah now get it now scram they're like chat l him right give him an l dude got killed in michigan i think he actually was was he associated with the michigan football team somehow he was doing pedophile searching and he got shot died dude the videos where the funniest part is it's like this fat old dude and there's like 20 kids in his house being like

you're a pedophile. And he's just sitting there being like I don't know what the fuck is going on. He's like I've been texting you as a 15 year old girl for three months now. It is pretty funny though to be a pedophile. Put that clip in the video. You're expecting like a 15 year old girl to come over It is pretty funny, though, to be a pedophile. Yeah. Flip that. Flip that. You're expecting a 15-year-old girl to come over and then just 20 high schoolers walk in. You're like, oh, I'd rather have Chris Hansen show up. This is way worse. Or you're like, this is my lucky day.

Yeah, true. It's incredible. Yeah, you guys brought a whole party. Kate, keep us honest. Are we going too far? No. Not at all. Pedophiles. There should be, though, pedophile hunters for the pedophile hunters.

You're so obsessed with being a pedophile hunter, I have questions for you. Dude, one day two are going to catch each other. Chris Hansen's going to catch himself. Why don't I take a seat? Well, it's also like you've got to feel weird when you're making that fucking Reddit or Tinder account or whatever where you're like signing up as a 13 year old. Yeah. And you're pulling.

Just like this girl's not hot enough to use. She'll never get any guys. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta switch profile pictures. This one's a dud. Yeah. This girl's ugly as fuck.

Or like if you're messaging with a person and like what happens if you accidentally get aroused back right It's up party ass buddy, buddy, buddy, but come on in come here stinky great haircut Your ass has to be filled to the brim You can lie Yeah, you didn't have to say that sass have you ever done the gauntlet? Yeah You did You had a better time than me

Yeah that's right Did Francis Francis I don't think has I don't think they're going to do it on Friday Malsec Take a seat Francis didn't You got anything you want to say?

No I feel like we just called a plan I really don't want to do this again Lie this time Yeah you fell for that Kyle Dumbass Alright good Nice I feel like we just called a plan. I really don't want to do this again. Lie this time. Yeah, you fell for that, Kyle. Dumbass. All right, good.

Nice. Good job, dude. Yeah. You wipe your butt. Got one over on you, Kyle. Nice. Justify it. Justify what?

Give us some rationale. Two birds, one stone. Okay. What about two? You have unlimited stones. Yeah. You ever gotten a full chunk? Why are you saving stones?

Just use the stones. You know I really don't want to do this. This is horrible. Just use the stones. I think you could say it's rare. Yeah. It barely happens. But you, like, it's rare. Yeah. It barely happens. But you did this on a show already.

Yeah, well, it was in the context of, I don't even know what we were talking about. Oh, if we were splurging on toilet paper, that's how this came up. Are you cheap? Are you poor? Or are you just gross? Good question.

No, I think I'm just a... It's an... Say poor. Say poor is the best answer. Say poor is the best answer. Poor is the best one. Because then people can't blame you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like not can't afford toilet paper poor. That's funny. That's like really poor. Sass has got a straw for you. Yeah. Yeah. Sass could drink water out of your ass. All right, we don't have to do this.

Jake, you smell fine. You smell good. You're not dirty. Your hands have you can play guitar? Some of your habits are just crazy to me. Yeah, I guess I didn't realize that

until I say them out loud and everyone's like, you're a weird guy. Have you done it more than ten times in your life? Yeah, easily. Oh, no. But you don't use soap,

so your poop water just goes down your legs. Yeah, but you... And then you don't wash off the poop water. I'm also, like, my ass... When I do this every so often, it's not, like, it's a... You guys have, like, dry poops. What?

Correct? Yeah, no, no. My ass isn't disgusting when I'm doing this. The only defense that I feel like you can go with is you do seem like a clean shitter. Yeah. Because you're in shape. I know when it's the time, and I don't know. But you don't know it's a dry poop until you wipe.

No, you do. You do. You got a good idea. You totally do. If it's a clean pinch? Yeah. Yeah, but sometimes it's not a clean pinch. True.

Do you wash the ring of your butthole? Hershey Kiss. Yeah. With your hand? Yeah. But where's the soap? You don't need soap. You just do it. You do.

You do. We're not getting anywhere. That's the thing. It's like you actually would be, it would be gross, but okay if we do use soap. Because when I wash my ass, I'm sticking the whole bar in my... Yeah, but I feel like that's equally... Irish Spring. The soap is all butthole-y,

and then it's... True. You just rinse it under the water once, and it's a new layer of soap. At that point, then I'm just doing that without the soap part. Which is the part that gets you clean. The water gets you clean.

No. The soap is... Honey, honey, honey, honey. No, no, no. I don't... Whatever. I grow tired of him. Yeah. We soap is... Honey, honey, honey, honey. No, no, no. I don't... Whatever. I grow tired of him. Yeah. We've done this before.

It's weird, but I'm not gonna change. He already had the bidet. Yeah. That's what it is. Get him out of my sight. Alright. Cool. Wait, did TJ just say you already had a bidet? No, Greer got me one, but it wouldn't fit on my toilet, so I had to give it away. Who'd you give it to? Back to Greer. That was a nice gift. Send it back. Well, yeah. Who'd you give it to? Back to Greer. That was a nice gift.

Send it back. Well, yeah, it was a great... He bought one for me, and then I... It was in my New York apartment, and my bathroom was too small. Ah. He bought you one too, KB, right?

He got me one too. He's buying people bidets? Greer loves buying things for people. He's obsessed with them. He's a serial buyer. Bidets are getting... I think within 10 years, when strip clubs are dead,

we'll all have bidets in our hands I've had one for years You have? Any other way It's the first thing I'll do If I Yeah like if I ever move It's like I gotta install the bidet

That's the first thing Is it a pain to install? I would rather get my bidet installed Than my cable and internet first Really? Yeah dude I can't live any other way It's easy to install What about travel shitting?

I hate it Yeah I mean you have to do it, but it fucking sucks. Yeah. And few hotels have bidets. Yeah. It's life-changing. It's the greatest. Do any? Europe. Europe they do, for sure. Yeah.

That'd be funny if Titus needed it so bad he had TJ just like, TJ, I need you to come to my room with water in your mouth. Yeah. I mean, if you guys want to shit at my house, let me know. Oh, let's try it out. Perfect. Yeah. All right Malasek you're dismissed Good haircut. Thanks. You look really like let's pump them up for a second You're a handsome guy any dates recently. No learn anything on guitar recently. Yeah, I've been fucking around. Nice. Give us something. We did the new Morgan Wallen post Malone song.

Who's we? You and your dog? We, the royal we. Okay, got it. Very nice. Again, be gone. All right. I like you, Malasek.

You're okay. Yeah, I love Malasek. I love him, too. I didn't want to paint him as a villain. No, not at all. Well, he already said it on the show. I thought he was going to be more open about it. He already said it on the show. But you see how sad that walk is?

I feel bad. He's a sad walk. I just think his ass is full. Yeah, it's a poopy walk. Aw, man. He's not happy. He didn't like that at all. But also, he said he's never going to change, though.

You could easily just be like, I'll try it out. I'll try out with some soap in my ass. Well, Malasek was try out with some soap in my ass. Well, what's the pool? Malasek was hitting us with some fuck USA messaging heading into Memorial Day, too, which I... Oh, he was? Yeah, you didn't see all that? Oh, he was reading that Bin Laden letter.

We don't need that. Oh, he read the Bin Laden letter? We're going to need to call him back in for that. What is it? What's the pool? I can go to the bathroom. All right. Check on his ass while you're out there.

Thanks for letting us know. Good shit. Good heads up look he he's fine he found a pool noodle yeah he's good he's okay look how happy he's never been happier yeah he's just doing his pool to watch himself way better than boom this is bad for him yeah leave it off oh let. I was going to say leave it. Yeah, leave it this way. We'll get the picture in a picture in a picture in a picture.

He doesn't care. That's the thing. I love Malasek. Yeah, I hope not. Look at him. Malasek's always down to hang. You can text him no matter what and he'll hang. Is that a zen in his pocket?

He showers me with love. That's a round turd. It's a hockey puck turd. Dry one, though. Dry as a bone. He's doing his thing. Malsec, you want to stop some goals? Yeah, we got to cheer him up. goals Yeah we got to cheer him up

Yeah we got to cheer him up Oh he's not letting shit in Yeah this feels like a good day to do the gauntlet Malasek Come here we got to pump you up He does not seem inspired to do much of anything Big Cat give him a raise I don't know what he does

Oh what are they doing What the hell are they doing? What the hell are they doing? You want to fuck up some people in goal? Not really. What would make you happy? Not really, no. Okay, you don't have to.

What if you fucked up Jack McCarthy? He's never done the gauntlet. Jack McCarthy's never done the gauntlet. Do you want to shoot shots? What do you want to do? We want to pump you up. What do you need, Jake? Come here, sit down. What do you want to do?

Come on. Yeah,, Jake? Come here. Sit down. What do you want to do? Come on. Yeah, sit down. Come on. You're probably the nicest asshole in the room. I bet you it doesn't smell. Right. Maybe his butt's so clean that he can't even comprehend it. We're just doing it again.

We can't do it again to him. What can we do to pump you up? Oh, nothing. I'm good. Rainforest Cafe? You don't seem good. I'm good. I like all of you guys. You guys are all in life. Well, I mean, nothing. I'm just, I'm good. Rainforest Cafe? You don't seem good. I'm good. I like all of you guys.

You guys are all in life. Well, most of you are my friends. I would... Yeah. What's up? You want to fuck some people up in goal? Do you want that? What about my part?

I do it for you. You ask me, I do it. But does it make you feel better when you do? Nah. What about every block you get on mccarthy you get a hundred dollars oh i'm willing to do that yeah yeah okay i mean i'll do it i mean that's pretty good that'd be fun yeah that'd be a good time all right all right yeah i'll do 200 of those all right let. Let's go. Yeah. All right. Every block, 100 bucks.

Okay. All right. Let's go. All right. Get Jack. Megan's never done the gauntlet, too. I think she wants to, so let's have both of them do it. All right.

All right. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Good job, Nick. Thanks, man. You got him fucking back. I hate to see my boy down. You can buy some toilet paper.

Yeah. Yeah. All this seat reeks Megan you're doing the gauntlet today Yeah So keep those away from Wait don't put those out Don't put those out

What are those for? The pool. All right, so he gets $100 for every block. So he can't block that many. This could go the wrong way if they score quickly. Yeah. I have to incentivize Jack. I know.

What if he could release a secret about Malasek if he gets under a certain amount? What does Jack really like? It can't be cash. Coke? Oh, yeah, Coke. Coke. Cocaine. How's that Chicago Coke?

So what is it? Did he say that on the bracket? What, the Fuck USA thing? Yeah, it was gross but funny. We were all laughing about it. Today he just doesn't want to laugh about it. Did he put on the goalie shirt? Yeah.

He has a little bigger shirt. He gets all pumped up. Pumped up. Yeah. Like, I'm at the point now where I'm going to start being mad at him because he's kind of ruining my vibes. He's really bringing me down. He's, like, ruining my day.

Like, you shitting his ass. Yeah, right. Yeah. You don't ruin my day. Yeah, with that. I got some extra Zolofts in my bag. Just fucking shove them down his throat. Just offer him a drink.

Yeah. A crush on Zoloft. Because you wanted to do the gauntlet, and we're setting it up. You don't want to do it? No, definitely not. Yeah, you're setting it up. You don't want to do it? No, I'll definitely do it. Yeah, you're in it. Today's the day. You're going to do it first, then Jack McCarthy's going to go.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. I can't believe Brandon's not here. He's up for cricket. Oh, nice. Cricket. I was really looking forward to seeing Brandon.

Sass loves Brandon. He'll be here Friday. He's the best. He'll be at Roofball. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sass loves Brandon. He'll be here Friday. He's the best. He'll be at Roofball. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sass loves Brandon like no one else. Actually, he might be our baby.

Good friends. Good buddy cop. Yeah, we're best friends. Are you going to go up and fish with him? God, no. Why? Stock pond. Stock pond, brother.

You won't do it? I want to go throw weighted treble hooks with Brandon. That would make him really happy. Fishing joke? Yeah, I got it. It weighted treble hooks with Brandon. That would make him really happy. Fishing joke? Yeah, I got it. It's a good fishing joke. You should become like Larry the Cable Guy was like Southern Hick. What if you were just a fishing humor guy?

It would work. You stand up. There's definitely a market for that. Yeah, very niche. Just do Bass Pro Shops. I'll ever go to Brass Pro Shop and notice. Do bass pro shops. I'll ever go to brass pro shop and notice. I don't know. We'll work on it.

We'll get started. We'll get something. Notice the guy with the tiny ass dick in the fish tank. Yeah. Whatever happened to that guy? Yeah. What did happen to that guy? Dude, how about the guy for the bagel boss guy coming back

yeah i thought he was dead i thought he was dead too was that a philly in philly at that casino i don't know i thought he's just also how about that fucking uh kylie kelsey video those people suck we need to doc i've never wanted to dock someone so bad what is that woman is that a margate it was it was not CIL City. I felt a strong urge to clarify. It was actually a perfect interaction because Kelly Keegs commented on it and then Kate was like, actually

this is my neck of the woods. What is this? Strong person yelling. They're too rich to be there. It's their fault. Oh, I like that. That's what I always say. No. Not Margate. On the rundown we talked about this. I thought it was CIL. Margate has money. Okay. Oh, I like that. That's what I always say. No. Not Margate. Because on the rundown we talked about this and that was- I thought it was Seattle. Margate has money.

Okay. Dude, every house in Seattle is over a million dollars. That's crazy. Everybody's rich there. I like Jason just standing in the background. Who are these people? So it's Jason Kelsey and his wife. Apparently these people came up asking for a picture while they were at dinner and she

was like, we're in the middle of dinner. We don't want to take a picture right now. And then the drunk woman flipped out and was like, you're not welcome in this town. To Jason Kelsey. Is that a tomato? Jason Kelsey has 110% approval rating in Philadelphia and South Jersey. He's handling this exactly how I would, which is just kind of sit there and be like, damn, this is crazy.

Jay-Z, Beyonce meme right there. Well, you could also tell the panic in the guy. Oh, yeah. Because he's like, if this gets physical, I have to fight Jason Kelsey? Yeah, true. That's got to be the worst. That's a tough ride home with your wife.

Being like, why'd you have to get in a fight with Kelsey? But both those husbands look like they're not trying to fight each other. They're more likely to just grab a beer with each other. Right there. What is this? That's Chase Kelsey. Hiding behind. Yeah, that woman sucks.

Yeah, she's terrible. She probably will be, Docs. Her Sunday scaries had to have been through the roof. I feel like people who do things like that don't feel like. They don't. No, they wake up the next morning. They're like, oh, my God, that was crazy. What did we do?

Banning somebody from a town. Banning a pro athlete, a beloved pro athlete. Like a beloved beloved. Like Jason Kelsey's not just a beloved. Is that Eagles territory? Yeah. Oh, big time. But even Kylie Kelsey's like, you're embarrassing yourself.

You have alcohol in your breath. This is a big test for the Swifties. Oh, yeah. They better step up. Fine. They better step up. I was watching the Stars-Oilers game the other day, and Travis Kelsey was at the game,

and then they showed a tweet from Patrick Mahomes being like, what are you doing in my home stadium? Get the hell out of there. And then the lady that was announcing it was like, okay, Patrick Mahomes is furious with Travis Kelsey right now. And she was like, hopefully this doesn't affect their game in the upcoming season. These are the people that think I hate Nick. There was a laughing emoji in the tweet. That's crazy.

Maybe she was being sarcastic and you didn't pick it up. Maybe you think that Big Cat and Nick hate each other. Yeah. Damn. What happens if Jack McCarthy scores in the first goal? That's what I'm afraid of. Jack McCarthy gets... Coke, Coke, Coke.

Coke, Coke, Coke, Coke. Coke, Coke, Coke. It's the only thing you can use to motivate him. Yeah. It's the only thing you can use to motivate him. Yeah. It's the only thing in response to. We should actually put some Coke out to lead him back. Yeah. Sporkle.

So he knows where he's got to go. Angela Gretelman. Bread crumb his ass. Has he been doing a bunch of Coke lately? Big time. Because when I got here, he came up to me and he was like, you want a line? So he loves us. Need a line?

He's been doing a bunch for like a regular person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been doing the same amount for him. No joke, he does do it every day. Every day. No joke. He's gonna eat this. No, I needed the key to get into the front office to get a package and

every one of his keys had a little tip of white on it. Yes. I hope he doesn't break his nail. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That'll be a huge issue. Are we ready? Steven could just play catch.

Che with the hands. Who's got most catchable ball? He's good at this. That spin. So good at this. Who's got most catchable ball in the office, though? Me. Megan, are you ready?

All right. Yeah. Mook, you want to help Megan, and then she can sit in your seat for a squircle? Sure. Megan. All right. Yeah. Mook, you want to help Megan and then she can sit in your seat for Sporkle? Sure. Megan. All right. Okay, Megan. You got this.

Be great today. Be great. Just be great. Chat behave. Okay. Go get them, twin. All right. Here we go.

Mook's just helping her. Three, two, one, go. Come on, Megan. It's a wrap. That's a good shot. No, that's a good shot. She's going to get it right here. Oh, never mind.

It's a wrap. You were right, Nick. Yeah. Oh, no. Cornwall can be so fickle you got it Megan oh I thought that was oh okay oh there you go Oh no! Oh no! Oh Megan! Holy shit she's killing this. Oh Megan! Oh my god Megan. She's on fucking...

Oh no. This is bad. Oh no. This is going to work out for her. That was an incredible start. Kate talk out for her. It's not terrible. That was an incredible start. Okay, talk a little shit. Now we're here.

Bring another woman down. Yeah, she kind of has a mantis shot. That girl burnt. I can't wait to hear Frankie's tomorrow. Frankie's impressions are so good. Sounds like a brass instrument. Oh, there we go, Megan. Oh. I think you got to start going under.

Oh, yeah, she is. Oh, that's closer. One of these is going in. Oh, yeah, she is. Oh, that's closer. One of these is going in. Uh-oh. Rapid fire. Oh. D-Lo is smiling. There she goes.

Oh, yes. Just one minute. Still a very good time so far. Yeah, incredible time. Oh. Yes. Oh. Great time.

All right. All right. All right. Six teams Nick Foles has started a game for? Best-selling tractor companies in the world. John Deere. Yeah. Fuck. Nick Foles.

Rhino. You know that. Movies directed by Jordan Peele. Eagles. Oh, Peele movies. Fuck. Get Out. Is that out? eagles oh peel movies uh um get out set out then uh us nope no nope yeah no yeah nope oh nope oh uh three non-fish animals, okay. Dragon. Bearded dragon.

Komodo dragon. I want to say there's another dragon. Oh, fuck. Pink bug. 12 Greek Olympian gods. I don't think I know that. Oh, dragon. Dragonfly.

There you go. Go back to Nick Foles. You got that. Six types of triangles. There's only one triangle. Oh, a Saucely's. Nice. Yes.

Fucking, how many of these do I have to get? I'm sweating. Eight rifles and submachines, guns available in Goldeneye. I don't remember that game. No, Foles started for Eagles. Foles, you got this. I think here. No, Foles started for Eagles. Foles, you got this. I think he started for Green. Oh, Bears. One more.

One more. I think a horned animal. Rams. There it is. Megan, that was, if you had started with underhand, you would have been right there. I'm so bad at basketball. And I'm not good at quiz. Incredible at everything else.

That was an incredible run. It was. Soccer. Soccer was maybe the most impressive. Did you play soccer? Yes, I was a goalie. Oh. Oh.

Oh, you're now our backup. Yeah, you should be the goalie. Yeah, we should actually. I had a Julie Nettle. What about whenever a girl does it? Wait, we should maybe see who should be the goalie. This is all he has, man. He tried to pump up Allison.

This is his full-time job. No, look at him. He's looking at us right now. No. It was a joke. It was a joke. All right. Thank you, Megan. I beat Julian Edelman? Yes. Crushed that. Crushed it. When did Julian Edelman? Yes. Oh, yeah. Thank you guys so much. Crushed it.

When did Julian Edelman come on the show? When he was here. Oh. He hasn't stopped by New York in a while, it feels like. No, he was in. How's the New York office doing? I'm surprised he hasn't stopped by. He was booming right now.

How often are you there, Seth? Twice a week. Twice a week? Yeah. Sometimes three. Sometimes four. How are the vibes, Ron? No.

Good. Good vibes. Every time I see, like, Glennie, like, hanging out and, like, chopping it up with Rico. Is Clemmer the alpha of the office? It seems like everything goes through him. No. He's the angriest in the office. He's so angry. He's so angry.

He's really angry. He has like this like. Lemmer and Nate. Oh, yeah. You know how like older ladies get like hot flashes? I think it's kind of that situation. Him and Nate are like the two Muppets that are up in the balcony. Menopausal streak to him.

They should have a little balcony in the office. Him and Nate. No, but don't those two get along well? Muppets? Yeah, they do. Him and Nate clash. They butt heads. But there is some mutual respect.

There's some HQ2 vibe to it. Like when everybody gets to hanging out, it's kind of nice. It's a good vibe. Very good vibe. Good. I'll go in. We'll chop it up. Shock airplanes. Talk sports. I mean. Talking a lot of sports lately. A lot of sports talk. vibe very good vibe good i'll go in we'll chop it up shock airplanes talk sports i mean talking a

lot of sports lately a lot of sports talk edelman would love that you mean in the comedy office oh yeah i know that's what's crazy about it but we make jokes about sports that's the caveat that was one of the dumbest ideas ever to just be like we're gonna separate sports and comedy well you guys just keep doing our jobs. That's why Sass was killing it as soon as he got in here. Like, we haven't heard a joke in months. It did feel that way. Yeah, it's true.

I dropped that 19D reference and everyone was, whoa. Yeah. Say it again. Say it again. Say the joke again. Rowan got a Dior wallet for his birthday. And I said, all I got for my birthday was 19D on the way here and people were throwing shit

around the room. That's pretty fucking good. Yeah and then if you had tried to talk about like the you know the wolves drop coverage on Luca you would have been fucking laughed out of here. Yeah exactly. Luca's kind of a chubby guy. Yeah. He's a little bit. I fuck with that. We have the same body.

Me and him. You are 6'8". He's under the category of a weekend away yeah one bad weekend and he'd be fat yeah i know i agree i mean like if he went like for three days it's like oh i drank and ate like shit i had late night pizza taco bell it's like you're fat now what they say about the receiver he's a donut away from being a tight end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Luke is a bad weekend away.

Phil Kessel was like that. Who was that wide receiver that they... Who was they? They posted it the other day, and he's 180 pounds, 6'4". Oh, Emmanuel Forbes. That's a high-end corner, yeah. Way for Washington. He's tiny. He got absolutely torched last year.

He looked like Lucas. He needed short shorts. All right, Jack, you ready? Oh, wow. Yeah. That is very tiny. The athlete is on the left. Yeah, that's crazy.

Oh, my God. That's like sickly. He looks like 150. Yeah, he looks like a 14-year-old taking a picture with a professional athlete. With a kid at his camp. Have you guys been keeping up with the Don drama or the dove? Oh yeah. Oh dove. Yeah.

Trying to bring him sold his account. Yeah. I actually, I'm proud of, I agree with Jack. I, I, I think he sold his account.

Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. He's an Israeli dude. Yeah. He lives in Israel. Aggregator. And he has like a restraint.

Jennifer Lawrence has like a restraining order against him. What? Yeah. Yeah, he's from Israel. And he has like a restraining order against him. What? Jack, if you get this in the first goal, we are buying you an 8-ball. Colombian. Fishy.

You're good because you have enough? I have a ton. I buy my own 8-balls. It's like bringing sand to a beach. Yeah, he needs to sail more than he needs to buy. I'm trying to get to that level. You should be good with these little baggies here. All right, ready?

What's your shirt? Ice Con. Nice. Nice. Do you just tell me when to go or how does this work? Yeah, I tell you when to go. What are you new? Too cool for school. Way too cool for school. Nice. Nice. You just tell me when to go, or how does this work? Yeah, I tell you when to go. What are you, new?

Too cool for school. Way too cool for school. I watch. I'm a lost man. Okay. Three. Stop clapping. Stop clapping. Stop clapping.

Three, two, one, go. Buckets. Jack also cannot shoot. Really? But he's very good at basketball. We have a lot of those. Yeah. He gets mad at me when we play five on five.

Oh, my God. Whenever someone's guarding him, I literally will yell, like, let him shoot. Oof. This is. There we go. All right. Oh my god. Whenever someone's guarding him, I literally will yell, like, let him shoot. Oof. This is... There it is! There we go, there we go. Alright. Alright, Jake.

This is the moment of truth. Need this. $100. Alright. Does that count as a hundred? Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Oh, I needed that. Oh my god. That first one wasn't on goal. Oh my god! Not a hundred! Malicek! A hundred bucks! No, because the first one wasn't on goal. Oh my god. Malicek. 100 bucks. No, because the first one wasn't on goal.

He didn't really save it. Oh, I thought that. That backfired. Yeah. Oh, boy. So we might want to check on him. He's faced three shots today and let up two goals. He's about to come back with some bad gun breath.

Oh, yeah. Oh. Uh, yeah. Oh. Uh-oh. That was like a mile over. Early release. Oh! Rugby style. So he can't shoot.

Move the corner. Oh! Oh! You did me wrong. The hater. Okay. Good backspin, though. He's a very good basketball player.

Yeah. He's just like five feet in the end. Some guys are like that, though. Yeah, he's like Ben Simmons. Kaelin Clark's coach would love him. Nothing but net. Didn't Kaelin Clark's coach just want her to start shooting mid-range? Mid-range, yeah.

Five states with no sales tax. Nine QBs to end season with nine years of career. America? Nope, not. Four main services of tennis. Clay, grass, like cement. I don't know. Yeah, cement.

Hard court. Sand. Do the QBs. Quarterbacks with a 98 or higher. Just really good QB seasons. Aaron Rodgers. Peyton Manning Tom Brady

Elway Marino Fucking I don't know Jared Goff Russell Wilson You could Bang that out really I don't fucking know

Severe Weather. TV networks to follow in shows already aired on South Park. Comedy Central. Nice. Yep. The Wire. The Wire. I've watched that on HBO.

There you go. Yellowstone. Paramount. Yep. The League, I think, was Hulu. Edd n Eddy was Nickelodeon. There you go. Blue Mountain State, Netflix.

I have no fucking idea. I think Hulu and Netflix don't count. Oh, Kevin, Oscar, Angela. There you go. Done. There you go. Nice. 16.

Oh, awesome. Not bad, not bad. Can you check in on malicek please uh cold did you know what we were doing there he was gonna get 100 bucks for every save against you yeah i was in the car when he found out about the shitting thing and what happened you tried to explain it to me like like why he does it and i was like i'm'm not on your side. Was he upset that we brought it up? No, he said I'm not. You brought it up. I know.

I feel terrible. But also, he owns it? And also, he said it on a podcast. He did. Yeah. That's where I don't. I just never seen him like that. If he had told you that privately, I'd be like, oh, that's kind of messed up.

But he said it on a podcast. That's fine to air out. Yeah, Nick, he's on your ass, Nick. That's my worst. Oh, sass. I thought you were. Yeah, you beat me. Damn.

I think I got fucked by the threes, too. Damn. It's a damn shame. I think you were also in a winter coat. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. I think that sporkle I fucked up.

Not that great at it. So what did you... You mentioned everything. I had a hard time with the soccer shot. Oh, man. Should we pick some teams for tomorrow? Oh, yeah. I'm legitimately excited.

Yeah, I'm so pumped. Can you show the video of the guy shooting the Asian Carbs, DJ? I just want to see it because I think he'd think it rocks. Oh, I'm all about catch and release, brother. These are invasive species. Oh! Yes. That's sick. That is awesome. That's a waste of a shell, though.

Yes. So this is actually good. Yes, because they're really bad. This guy's a humanitarian. They are. They go and electrocute the rivers to try to kill them. We call that a cat blast. And this is the only way you can do it. Did you see the quote tweet too?

This guy got fucking bodied online. For being a bad shot? No, for being a fucking lib. He was just like, I never understand this. Then everyone was like, dude, it's Asian carp. Yeah. You got community noted. Do they just bounce around like that all day?

Is the water that full of them? Yes. Really? They just have to keep jumping up? They have to electrocute rivers to kill them. Oh, that rocks. Yeah. I would love to go somewhere where they are. Actually see a fish. I will never understand stuff like this. Killing things just to kill them. I understand hunting for food, fishing for food,

etc. But killing something just because you're bored will always be wild to me. What? Our community noted. Get fucked. Yeah. What is his name? I hate his name.

YFK. Your friend Kyle. Oh, that's bad for Kyle's. He went to the Kyle convention for sure. That was bad for Kyle's. Oh, wait. Does he have a YFK hat on? Yeah, that's bad for Kyle's.

That's awesome. There's nothing better than rocking gear with your own name on it. Like a jersey with your name. He's in the MLB. Sick. Oh, by the way, new Stella Blue cold brew. I just had some. I had a cup of it this morning.

Incredible. And we're doing a golden mug right now, so the next two days, if you buy anything at StellaBlueCoffee.com, you could win. We're giving away five tickets to a Cubs game with me in a suite in August. Damn. And I'm going to buy $1,000 of 50-50 raffle tickets. Damn. And if we win, I'll split it between all of us. You think you're going to get someone good?

Do you get to select? No, it's random. We send it out the gold mug. It's like Willy Wonka. True. It is like Willy Wonka. It's exactly like Willy Wonka. Willy Wonka was a pedophile. Oh, yes. Big time. Really?

The Grinch? He created a fucking... The Grinch might have been the first pedophile. Oh, no. Sally, what about Santa? Santa Claus? No. What about Jesus Christ's thirsty ass dying for our sins?

True. Gay Pat just hit me up and he was like, do you know this? And it was a dude from my high school. And he was like, he just hit me up on Hinge, but I know the dude's wife. No. Oh. Oh.

Uh-oh. Whoa. He's probably just trying to hang. It might be a stoolie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think straight guys do go on gay dating apps

to look for hard drugs. No! What the fuck are you talking about? You're covering a basement. Kyle! What did you just say? He did the James Charles thing last week too. Kyle.

What do you think I'm doing? That was way too specific. They look for meth, yeah. Why can't straight dudes just find meth out and why do they have to go to how would they even know it's on the gay sites gays love meth because they love meth yeah yeah but but how do they know That's tough That's tough Pat said he's not gonna go after him

Yes he will Yeah he will That's going to make him want to do it even Pat's a bad bad guy He said every time he's brought up Worst guy I've ever met Pat's gonna fuck the Shit out of him

Is Pat a top or a bottom? Top Top Obviously Yeah that's Pat a top or a bottom? Top. Top? Obviously. Yeah, that's true. Is Joey's a bottom? I don't know. Joey's a power bottom.

Oh. What does that mean? He generates the power, but... So he slams into it? He backs out a lot of thrusting. Yeah. He's like a dam. He rides.

Huh. I think a power bottom is just maintaining like a concrete stance so that you can really like lay into it. Oh, sass. This is just my assumption. You think? Yeah. So you're just sturdy as hell?

You're just sturdy as hell. And you could really get fucked. I thought there's hydraulics involved where you're just – Hydraulics? You're working the shaft. Vibration. I think there might be some, like some pushup motions. Like,

so when you're, when they're thrusting in, you're thrusting out. Creating just a, that is a hydraulic. Yeah, that's a hydraulic. Like a Hispanic low rider.

On that ass though, or on. On that ass, though. Or on that dick. Interesting, interesting. Yeah, we know what we're talking about. Do gay guys, like, ride each other? We asked that. We called Pat last week. I always assumed it was just all doggy style.

Yeah, right? I accidentally called security Pat with that question. Oh, no. Yeah, because I have a bunch of Pats in my phone. I refuse to change them. Yeah. Call Big Nut. What'd they say?

Pat said, yes, they ride. He said he loves to ride. So then are you a top or a bottom? Because then the bottom would be on top. I always thought gay sex was just doggy style as well until I watched the Elton John movie. And they have sex missionary, which really broke immersion for me. That's insane. Oh.

Yeah. Where are they putting the other dick? They're looking at each other's eyes. Gay sex in movies and shows is always weird because it always starts off

with like a wrestling match. Yeah. They're like shadow boxing each other. Yeah. They're like stanced up like kind of rough housing and then they like

fall into bed. But where does the second dick go i think it slides under lays that or does it i think it just rests on the chest hard yeah chest no you're getting stuck probably numbing missionary they're eye to eye in bed and the guy's sitting on it no no i think he's just he's underneath his legs are all the way up and he's underneath but like right now my asshole is fully tucked. You wouldn't be able to fuck me right now.

Wait, so someone fucks ass. Lay down, lay down. My gooch is exposed, but my asshole is hidden. Lay down. So you would have to be legs over shoulders. Legs over shoulders. That's not missionary. Yeah.

That's legs over shoulders. Right. Come on now. These chairs are farty as hell today. Yeah, they are. I have an interview tomorrow. It's actually at 11 in the morning. Oh.

But it's only going to be like probably 30 minutes. Your group will just go last. That's what I was going to say. I'll be in the final group. Yes. Yes, that's no problem. All right, so let's spin. So, TJ, put all of us as group selectors.

And there'll be five? The first five? First five. No, take off anyone who's not here. And also, Frankie's out. Hank is in. Selector. Frankie bailed?

Frankie bailed. What? Yeah, he said he has to do his pod. But who's in. Hank is in. Selecto. Frankie bailed? Frankie bailed. What? Yeah, he said he has to do his pod. But who's in? Hank. Oh, nice. Does Cajun Mike know that we need a lot of jambalaya? He knows how many people we're flying.

Okay. Also, we'll order some food if there's not enough food. Okay. Who's Cajun Mike? He's the guy who's host Oh no way Yeah he's cooking us jambalaya And jello shots

I made up the jello shot Oh fuck I tried to manifest Maybe guilt him into doing that Yeah he's doing jello shots You want the sauce? Kyle? Yes

You drink? Yeah Oh shit It's not nightly That's unhealthy Not at night Okay spin it Is what I meant

Who was good Who made it to the finals last time Was Che Who else Me and KB And the guy Nick you were good I won the money round

That was decent Yeah Che hey alright, Che. Che, you're one of the selectors. Happy for you, brother. Is the guy coming again? No. No.

Squeezed him out. I think he's going to zoom in on Friday to officially invite whoever wins. Kyle. Alright, Kyle. Nope, just kidding, Nick. Did you guys go to that? I did, yeah. We did.

I didn't play. Oh, yeah, you weren't allowed to play? I did, yeah. I didn't play. Oh, yeah, you weren't allowed to play. You announced. For 34 seconds. Okay. Well, at least it was only in Oregon. I got there like, sorry, man, name's not on the list. What?

I cannot believe that. You're holding the pen. You guys went to the Nike store, though, right? That was cool. Yeah, it was large. Me and Mook went to go there. We thought we got passes, and we thought we were like, this is going to be sick. It's just going to be Austin, this big-ass Nike store.

And we got there, and there was a line around the block. So, TJ, have that just be the order for tomorrow and just swap Sass and Roan for the groups going. So I'm a captain? Yeah, you're picking. So each group is a group of three. Automatic, the winner of that group goes to the semifinals. And then there's three

wild cards that will play for one wild card spot so you want to pick bad people in your group what's the order that we pick in the order that it was selected or do we spend another i think it's the order we selected so i'll pick before sass even though he'll go after me well no you should pick last i should yeah you should pick last but i'll get the second yeah yeah snake snake all right che go ahead we're picking now yeah i gotta run so you're you should pick last. I should. Yeah, you should pick last, but I'll get the second. Yeah. Yeah. Snake. All right, Che, go ahead.

We're picking now. Yeah. So you're going to want to pick. You got to pick. You got to pick. What? You got to pick. What does that mean? You're picking who's in our groups.

I thought I didn't get it. Oh, you didn't get selected. Oh, my bad. Nick, big cat. All right.

Bye, Titus. See you, Titus. Okay. Go, Cheass. All right. Bye, Titus. See you, Titus. Okay. Go, Che. Selecto. Can we see a draft board or something?

Like, who's... Yeah. It's basically all of us, and then... Who is it? Big Cat, Hank, PFT. Francis. And Cajun Mike. Cajun Mike.

Oh. And can we take out the people that are... Yeah. Brandon will be there? Brandon will be there. Okay. I feel like everyone here is pretty good. Let's go with...

Shit. Come on, man. I'm just going to go. I'm going to go PFT. That's not a PFT. Oh, whoa. Yeah, but it is. Oh, my God. Wow.

Nick. Wow. Least likely to be good. Nick. I'm just picking people I want to be in my group. Nick, your selection. This is outdoors, right? Yeah.

Brandon. Yeah. Great pick. I'll put Jerry in my group. I think PFT would be good at yard games, though. Yeah, Che put disrespect on him. Okay, Sass. Why don't you take your fucking butt, buddy?

Cajun Mike. So I just got to pick one of these people? Yeah. I guess... Well, Cage and Mike would have home field advantage. Hank? Nobody knows that roof. Wow.

He's going to be good. Hank. Oh, man. Is he going to be good? Give me my brothers, KB and Mook. Wow. Hell yeah. KB's nice with it, though. I know.

They're both nice with it. I know they're both nice with it I expect to lose Sass go ahead But I expect to have fun Who's left? Francis Those four Max

Shit Wow I wanted Max I'll take Francis Big mistake Oh Autofill No I could just be like dude if you beat me you're fired yeah true yeah and he'll believe you oh yeah oh he's horrified of losing his job 24-7 like Harry when Dave was texting me Harry when Dave was texting me just came

up to me fired if I beat him he He was not kidding. Yes. No, he was not kidding. When Dave was texting me about surviving Barstool, the one name I was like, has to be in his friends list. Him with like the Whitney, the Wallow Gilly. He'll be so stressed. Will, Taylor. He'll lose his mind.

Dave. Do you remember the speech he gave to Rudy at the end of... Every time Francis calls me, it's the same thing. I'm like, how you doing, man? He's like, not good, bud. I love him. He's the best. Alright.

Let me just do mostly sports. Titus. Alright, so then, Che, you get Agent Mike get Agent Mike And that will be the order we go in tomorrow And I'm so so excited Who's your interview tomorrow Greg Olson Oh nice

Emmy award winner I hugged him You did Good hugger Great hugger. Not great at trivia, though. He smoked his ass in trivia. Oh.

Dude, are we going to try to win this whole thing this year? I just want to have fun with all this shit, man. It feels wide open, and we are a little – we're not the Buffalo Bills of the 90s? I mean – Or the Boston Celtics right now. We haven't made a final. No, the Celtics won a final in the last –

We haven't made a final. Jason Tatum, Boston Celtics. We've made every Final Four. I don't think we've made a final. I thought there was one Final Four we didn't make. Oh, yeah, the first one. You're right. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, final. I thought there was one Final Four we didn't make. Oh, yeah, the first one. You're right. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I would hate to see these guys. Yeah, but you guys do have a rough time with us. Yeah. You're our kryptonite. I think you're... We beat you once. I don't know. You might be the best team.

I think that was in Philly, and I think that Jeff wanted me to win that one. I also think Frank... But Jeff wants us to win all the others. I think Frank feels comfortable with us too. Why? Well, he likes me, Roan. Yeah, I guess you're right. He respects you. Yeah.

Whenever we play them, geography is around and KB is our geography guy. Our lifeline. Yeah, true. So that's an automatic win for them. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are our kryptonite. I've been studying snacks. I'll just wander into a supermarket. I have too, my whole life.

I've never gotten a college sports question. They're so hard. Our team is, I think we have like 40% on college sports. That's going to be a fun week. Yeah. Do you guys know what seed you are? No. No idea?

Hey, when are you going to Beer Olympics? I just got the guest list so I can start writing jokes. Do you want to go to the Sphere on Saturday night? Oh, for dead? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going Friday and Saturday. You should come.

I want to. Yeah. The Sphere? Shroomies? Oh, wait, no, that Saturday's the 22nd? Yeah. I have the Barstool Bar in Nashville's first anniversary. What day is the Beer Olympics?

Tuesday. Tuesday? Fucking assholes Assholes I'm looking at the guest list It's sorted by last names And just having Will do it on the last name Tuesday is such an asshole day to do it Will do it's going?

Yeah Will do it will be there They're bringing up the A-listers All the celebs are out Will Do-It's going? Yeah, Will Do-It will be there. They're bringing up the A-listers. All the celebs are out. He's going to be tanked. The middle of June in Vegas. Might gift you a Lambo. Why is it in Vegas?

Who the fuck knows? It's going to be outside? Yeah. Poor Jeff, too. I was looking at the NBA finals schedule. Not good. Is he competing against it? Game six would be the dozen finals.

Thanks to the Bussin boys. It's all right. It's not a large part of our audience. Wait, is the... Celtics fan. I'm really lost. You're talking about the dozen. Dozen championship. The dozen is the week before Beer fan. I'm really lost. You're talking about the dozen. Dozen championship. The dozen is the week before Beer Olympics.

And when is Beer Olympics? Beer Olympics was supposed to be the week before, and then they switched their whole schedule and moved the dozen. The dozen is now before the Beer Olympics, and the dozen goes up against... The finals of the dozen goes up against the NBA finals. And this is soon. Yeah.

End of June. Interesting. We're almost in June. You should come out for a test. And this is soon. Yeah. End of June. Interesting. We're almost in June. You should come out for a test. I'll have to get out to Vegas for that. No, I'm saying you should come out here for the dozen. Yes. Oh, probably not.

Okay. I mean, I'm not in it. When are you going to win? You're not in the Beer Olympics either, brother. I'm not going to go out for that either. Definitely not going to Vegas for just no reason. You could have made the same joke, though. Tunnel of chaos.

True. I could have. I'm going to Wyoming the week of July 4th. Perfect. I watch the Grateful Dead clips at the Sphere, and I get so jealous because it looks so cool, but I just don't have the brain to enjoy that. The music?

The music. The Grateful Dead? Whatever they, Dead & Co. You don't have the brain to enjoy their music? I don't dislike it, but it's not, I need something more hype, I guess. You just take drugs. But wouldn't you, on drugs, still want like maybe a little more? Yeah, well, they're also a little, they're like 80.

So they're slow. Yeah. It looks amazing. Yeah. The visuals. The joke is the name is dead and co. It's dead and slow. Yeah.

But John Mayer, when he rips, he'll get it picked up a few times. John Mayer? John Mayer's in it, yeah. get it picked up A few times John Mayer? Yeah he's the lead man I've missed that Yeah he's been doing it for like 4 or 5 years Awesome Is he still single? I don't know I want to get him on TV so bad

And I wish I knew someone who had his number I think Chicks in the Office had him Yeah Chicks in the Office has his number. Wish I knew someone who could text him. Oh, no, that was a prank on Noah. Yeah, that was.

Fuck. You would hate to see her text. Francis knows him, too. He's coming on Boy Dad. Oh, nice. Yeah, he's going to do the whole circuit in New York.

Yeah. Healthy debate. Healthy debate. Healthy debate. John Mayer on healthy debate would be so funny. Just take a picture of it. I have no problem texting him. I'll drop your name. I'll drop everyone's name.

Drop Jensen's. Yeah. I've been texting Jensen about it. Say no sass. Say no sass. Yeah. Say it. Who else is he? Oh, he was on color daddy he was that's right he sang for her yeah and he was like super cool on it yeah him and harlow uh i just brought my guitar just in case you want me to play who else yeah him and harlow don't let

up they're always sexy they're never like i'm gonna stop being sexy for five and Harlow don't let up. They're always sexy. They're never like, I'm going to stop being sexy for five seconds. And Harlow's everywhere. He is. He's like Kentucky Derby, NASCAR. Yeah, Preakness. He quit drinking like Sass. Yeah. Except for his body got awesome.

So did John Mayer. Right. Sass, you look good, bro. Yeah, you do look good. He does. I think I look exactly the same. I think you look good. You've always looked good.

I think you've turned up the cuteness from like eight to a nine. There's been some road weekend, Sass, where we were both looking dense. Oh, yeah. Tampa. You're a nine. Tampa. Wow. Tampa.

Well, I remember it because I got like super HD photos, and I'm just bursting through my shirt. Sass, I was listening to you on Are You Garbage? Did you ever figure out your tax situation? It's still in a working program. I was laughing so hard at that. It's so fucked. He gave a guy 10% of his entire income. No, 5%.

For what? For business manager. Dude, he calls me every day and he's like, we have a lot of work to do. Wait, you're a business manager or you're a tax guy? I'm a business manager dude he calls me every day and he's like we have a lot of work to do wait you're business manager your tax guy business man he's doing my taxes not your tax guy anymore the tax guy is no longer my tax guy we've we've decided to part ways respectfully because you found out it was just your neighbor it was my parents like it was my neighbor's friend and he was just like willy-nilly doing it he was just like yeah i guess i'll do him but you have a paycheck from probably every state in the country yes and that

was where the confusion was for sure so is your business manager like is it a problem you're actively working on yes is there a chance you go to prison it's not a zero god you would rule in prison it's bad i'm gonna owe all of my money shit it's all gone literally all of it well because you're paying your business manager five percent your manager ten percent and your agent ten percent and then penalties buddy you got nothing left it's all gone rent do you have some saved up to pay yeah oh okay so you're ready i'm ready to pay i'm ready to lose whatever you're ready i'm ready to pay i'm ready to lose no rush why are you mentally why do you think i came out to chicago Gotta get my name bumped. Doing the car wash. Yeah. You need tire season two.

Yeah. I'm doing fucking Jeff Donnie's show. Doing everything I can. Oh my god. You'll get it. Are you mentally prepared to open up your bank

and see nothing? Yeah. I'm not sweating it too much. My dad called me the other day and he said that when he was my age he didn't pay taxes for three years and then he said he literally had to pay everything he said he got out he said he came home one day and there was a there was a folder like this big waiting at his door from the irs with just like receipts and like every he had to pay all of his money. He said he just didn't think he

had to pay. What? Yeah. He just put it off. He also said I was right. He did say you were right. About what? About not getting a business manager. Or that there was too many hands in the honeypot. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Are there? No. Yes. You have three managers? No, I have

an agent, a manager, and a businessman. That's three managers. My agent I have an agent, a manager, and a businessman. That's three managers. My agent is not my manager, and neither is my business manager. But do all three get paid? Oh, yeah. Wait, so what is— Not a lot. I mean, I'm not making that much money.

What's the difference— Imagine 5% of what I'm making. It's not a lot of money. What's the difference between the business manager and the manager? My manager just does everything for me, and then my business manager does my money stuff he's gonna he feels like that could be one minute you know he's gonna like invest all my money and shit oh buddy this into like crypto that's his main focus that's me well he said there's a meetup across the street yeah with me and franc are going to be there.

He said we're trying to get to all Bitcoin by 2024. Oh, nice. 2025. Not just Bitcoin. I thought he was going to... He's going to space out. Spacecoin. The safe moon. NFTs.

Hell yes. GameStop. We're getting heavy into safe moon. Is that Dave's? Are we not allowed to talk about that? I think you can. He changed his profile picture for it. Well, everyone got silent when I brought it up.

I forgot about it. I thought it was going to fail. I forgot about it, too. Have you ever had all your managers together? They know each other exists? They're in a group chat without you, dude. Take all three of them out. They hate you?

They hate me. Why do they hate you? Because I don't do anything that they want me to do. Like your taxes? Like my taxes? Why does your agent hate you? Because you won't post

stuff online about your tickets. Oh. I sell tickets in a specific region of cities. Which are? The East Coast. Yeah. What about the Midwest?

What about your manager? Why does he hate you? Because I don't do anything he asks me to do. And your business manager? Because I'm out of money. Got it. What does your manager ask you to do? Like post promos and videos and stuff?

I thought that was what your agent does. No, my agent. My agent, his only job is to book me road gigs. What does your manager do? Hotels, my travel, flights, MOOCs, MOOCs travel. MOOC and him text probably more than me and him text. Yeah, me and him are boys. He'll check in with me on the weekends, be like, how's Harry doing?

Yeah, he's not going to kill himself, is he? Yeah. Because the thing is, they send me gigs a year in advance. So they're like, Bakersfield, California, this is the offer, this is the guarantee, this is the door percentage, whatever. And then I'm like, yeah, sounds great, book it. And then in my head, I'm never actually imagining that I'm actually going to Bakersfield for the week. I relate to this.

And then the week comes up, and I'm flying to Bakersfield, and I'm texting my agent and my manager manager and I'm like, this is fucked. Why am I here? Yeah. You guys should have known better than to send me to this place. And then I get all pissed. And then the weekend actually ends up being fun. And then I text them and I'm like, really good crowds out here.

Definitely come back here next year. But so they know the cycle. Yeah. I can relate to that. I agree to do things know the cycle. Yeah. I can relate to that. I agree to do things well in advance. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah.

So they hate you, but with good reason. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think if I'm assuming I give them less shit than most of their other clients. Yeah, you're low. I'm pretty. Oh, comedians are egomaniacs. Yeah. You're the opposite. I'm pretty.

I'm pretty easygoing in terms of, like, I'll do shitty gigs. Why don't you get a social media manager? Oh, you should. Have him run. Stavi did that, and it was huge. How much would that be? Like 5%, 10%? Yeah, that's hardly any.

Stavi did that because he had 10 years of clips. Right, but I'm saying, like, you could notice when the switch happened, like, he was everywhere. Yeah, but I'm good at you could notice when the switch happened like he was everywhere. Yeah, but I'm good at social media. I know how to use social media. But you don't use it. I just don't use it on purpose. It's because I'm waiting

to put something out. I'm not going to post a bunch of shitty crowd work. You're a warrior in a garden. I'm terrible at crowd work. Ah, shit. People go, I go, I'm from Massachusetts

and people go, oh. And I go, oh, you're from Massachusetts? And i go i'm from massachusetts people go oh and i go you're from massachusetts they go where and they go halifax and i go nice i can't believe you burnt that i've heard you do that i don't want to rewrite that what am i gonna do what am i gonna say oh halifax let's see what do we got here let me guess uh finance finance for sure yeah i'm not doing all that shit i spent so much time writing jokes i'm not gonna waste my time on stage asking people questions that no one cares about yeah they don't want to go to a show for a unique individual experience no they want to go to a they want to see the jokes

you just gotta do like, you first date? That's all you got to do? First date, people. That always happens. Now, that shit sucks. First date, you guys going to fuck? Yeah. Oh, no.

Probably not now that I said that. Oh, no. No, that's what you do. I thought I said something wrong. No, no, no. You're just kidding. No, that's what you say. You just go, oh, you're going to fuck?

Oh, probably not anymore. Oh, you're in the friend zone. Imagine bringing someone to a sass show on a first date. You're going to bring her around. Welcome to the Thunderdome. Be ready, be ready, because you don't know where I'm going to go. You don't know what's going to happen. Why don't you guys kiss right now?

When I do a weekend, the five shows, it's literally word for word the exact same show every single time. There might be like an and thrown in at one point that wasn't in the first show you gotta give yourself you rip you riff give yourself some credit i'll riff sometimes but it's never like where are you guys from i never it's never that yeah do you feel more crowds like expecting that kind of stuff now because yeah it sucks like yeah that has to suck it's brutal people go like you go to you go to a show there's like, people, it's literally just like, they just go up and it's like an interview. You should just start doing it and just do anti-comedy. Yeah, some people already do that, though.

Like, Joe List does that really well. Or just ask people questions. He does, like, bad crowd work, but it's, like, funny. You see the clip of Dax Flame doing that? Yeah, Dax Flame is so funny. What is with him? He's overtaken my For You page. I can't figure him can't i don't figure

him out who that is the guy from uh project x and 21 jump street he's the camera guy from project x um and he had those two big roles and he's been kind of quiet he's just aggressively so can we see dax flame he's like an internet 1.0 guy like he was he was doing like youtube vlogs in like 2009 where it was just like a kid talking to his camera and nobody really knew if it was He's like an internet 1.0 guy. He was doing YouTube vlogs in 2009 where it was just a kid talking to his camera and nobody really knew if it was a character or not. And he's kind of just been that forever. I'll send you his crowd work, TJ.

Oh, do the High Noon ad. Yeah. Yeah, I want to see one of his crowd works. And then we'll wrap up. But he's... Oh, sorry, you can do that. Francis was calling me. High Noon.

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Visit highnoonspirits.com to find it near you. Good luck getting that off. God fucking damn it. The monster is back. I was going to say, Dax Flame is doing it as a joke, right? I don't know. He went on a podcast, and he didn't let up. He was even more socially awkward

On Bad Friends Yeah His video is walking around Like Walmart and shit Hilarious Yeah I saw the pillow fight one That was funny He's a big pool noodle guy

Yeah Do you know Dax Flame? I am Dax Flame Where are you from? Oh I know this guy Okay awesome Are you a fan of Like any of the sports there? Yeah Okay awesome Where are you from? Oh, I know this guy. Okay, awesome. Are you a fan of any of the sports there?

Yeah. Okay, awesome. And where are you from? Okay, what do you do? I do it when I'm there. Or just for your job? I'm a student. Okay, awesome.

So what do you think of that? How do you what do you think of tourists you're from San Francisco okay Oakland awesome they had Oakland, awesome. They had the Raiders. Okay, cool. That's literally what it's like when I do that. Put that out. No, mine's not good because it's like I'm actually trying to be funny. If someone even, like, says something, it throws me, like, I'm like, oh, I don't know what to say. I lose track. But has anyone ever given you a layup?

Like, oh, let's go. Yeah, sometimes like that. I'm pretty good at handling it. Oh, you handle it best when it's a drunk bitch. Shut up, bitch. Shut the fuck up. We should just rent a comedy club and just stage a bunch of crowd work clips. You can just change your clothes over and over. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah. Sass doesn't have to change his clothes over and over again. That's true. That's when people would be suspicious. Yeah, that's true. That really grinds my gears. The clothes thing really pisses me off. You could fix it.

I have clothes and I wear my clothes as much as they're supposed to be worn. Sorry, I don't have fucking 45 outfits. I'm probably going to wear this exactly the same outfit. Who are you talking to right now? He's talking to all of us. I'm talking to you guys. Amen, bro. You're actually mad at me.

Everywhere I go. He's pissed at us. And then if I wear a collared shirt, it's fucking, Sass looks like he's going to protest affordable housing. Like, oh, sorry, I decided to wear a shirt today. That's what they say! It's so annoying! Alright, Seinfeld!

It pisses me off. Sorry. You've worn more pants recently. I've worn these pants probably every day. Yeah, what do you got tomorrow tomorrow Tomorrow you got a new outfit These pants and a different Patriot sweatshirt Buffalo Bills sweatshirt No I've decided

I've parted ways with the Bills Oh you have Yeah Why Because Gabe Davis left And Stefan Diggs left Wow You're like a

Live sports tweeter now Oh big time I love it yeah I'm trying to get into that world But I could use a retweet every now and then. Yeah, you never touch his shit.

You never boost him. Touch his shit? You won't touch his shit with a 10-foot pole. Why is that? Boost him. Look at this. Boost that cat.

That's fucking huge. Throw that a retweet. 45,000 views. How do you scroll past that, cat? Is that on the lockpad? Is that the viral? Is that the viral as hell?

Is that the burner or the main? You're actually doing great win for the Celtics. Oh, Kat. Is that on the lock bag? Is that the viral? Is that the viral as hell? Is that the burner or the me? You're actually doing great win for the Celtics. Oh, yeah. You're greening. You got to let people know. Well, because I have this worry in my head where I'm a big fan of the Patriots and I'm a big fan of the Bruins. And the Celtics are the team that I care about the least.

And now the Celtics are looking like they actually might win. So now if they win, I can't be like, I'm probably not. What am I going to do? What's Rangers in four? That was a big mistake. The Panthers are playing a lot better than they played against the Bruins. Yeah. Because the Bruins are dog shit.

And they almost beat the Panthers. But now the Rangers... I don't want the Bruins to win. That was true. That was true, though. The Bruins were getting fucked. Cat, you can't turn a blind eye to this. This is pretty good stuff.

This is pretty good stuff. This is what everyone's doing. Bruins and Celtics. These are my crowd work clips. I got to start linking my shows on the bottom of these. 100,000 people will see. Great win by my Celtics. Anyways, I'm going to be in.

I got to start touching it. Yeah. Don't be shy. Don't be shy. Playing coy when you see the boy on the timeline. The world needs to see this. I'm touching that up. I just like to let people know I'm watching.

I'm paying attention. Yeah, you're locked in. Yeah. All right. Let's push that up. I just like to let people know I'm watching. I'm paying attention. Yeah, you're locked in. Yeah. All right, let's spin the wheel. Spin the wheel. We have a meeting in like a minute. Company meeting. Yeah, 3.15.

Yeah. Oh, I thought it was at 2.30. Pretty sure it's 3.15. I think you're right. I think it ends at, I don't know what I'm thinking. I would have definitely been late to that meeting or early. Facts. Not definitely on time.

You're not the middle bear. No. True, I definitely would have been either early or late. Dude, I got to get some rice and beans while I'm out here. Yeah? To support our strong Hispanic population in Chicago. Is there a big Hispanic population here? Huge.

They have giant festivals. I might get some frijoles. I would definitely get some frijoles with you. Is it kind of a solo thing? No, no. I'm the new gringo poppy out here. All right, tomorrow, Roof Ball. It's going to be awesome.

Everyone, please tune in. We're going to find two people that are going to go to Oregon. Oh, God. Two people are going to go to Oregon. Same time, Connor Griffin will be the main man on the call. All right. And then we'll be rotating. Stephen Che's already put out his highlight video from last year.

He's feeling himself. It's got to be anyone but Che. It's going to be. It could be Francis. You think Francis is going to be nice to win? Francis is good at sports. This isn't really a sport. No, it's not.

But he's athletic. But he could mentally break at any moment. Yeah. So could Che. No, Che could break Francis. I'll do the thing. I'll say he's going to be fired if he wins. It'll literally. It'll crush him. Right. I know. I could break Francis. I'll do the thing. I'll say he's going to be fired if he wins. It'll literally crush him.

Right. I know. I think Che defends. He'll call Roan versus Caustic. Oh, yeah. Nicky's a sleeper. He is. Nicky is a sleeper.

Nicky's good at this shit. He's great at this shit. You're right. Quit it, guys. I earned the nickname Nick Cannon last year for having a very good arm. What? I don't recall that for a split set. A lot of people were saying that.

A lot of people were saying that. I gave him that nickname. Nick Cannon. Makes sense. Due to my lupus. To your, like, 15 kids? Is that Nick Cannon? Yeah.

For an organ farm. Because he has lupus. Wait, he has lupus wait he has lupus i think so what's lupus i don't know it's what luna gomez has oh yeah it's the batteries yeah what big ass titties damn yeah i don't mind i don't mind a little lupus here and there holy shit i think that actually is a side effect of lupus. Not just tits. Giant gums. You called her tits ever-growing. They're getting bigger every time I see them.

Who's ever-burgeoning? Who? Selena Gomez. If anyone said every 10 likes, I'll make the titties bigger. That's what lupus is. All right. All right. See you everyone tomorrow. Please like and subscribe.

Two and a half, boys. Two and a half hours. Everyone watching right now, there's 13,000 people watching. Like and subscribe. I want a plaque. See you tomorrow for Roof Ball. Everybody pray to the tech and internet gods that everything works. We'll see you tomorrow for roof ball everybody pray to the tech and internet gods that everything works we'll see you there it'll be fun love you bye