The Yak - The DEFINITIVE Celebrity A, B, & C Lists | The Yak 1-6-22
Episode Date: January 7, 2022Would you throw a firecracker on an ant hill?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.l...ink/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome back.
Thursday edition.
We're here with Frank, Sass, Jordan, KB.
The normal Thursday crew.
The normal Thursday crew.
A hodgepodge.
Frank, you don't wear socks.
I don't wear socks.
Why?
I just don't like socks. They're not comfortable. Frank, you don't wear socks. I don't wear socks. Why? I just don't like socks.
They're not comfortable.
When did you start not wearing socks?
I stopped wearing socks about four years ago.
Do you walk around the house barefoot?
Oh, yeah.
So you made a conscious choice four years ago.
Socks are out.
Is that like a Trump thing?
I actually...
Did you see there's a political commenter named Frank Fleming?
He just gave a BLM quote this morning, and it was accredited to Frank Fleming.
Frank J. Fleming.
Oh, you're Frank.
I'm Frank E. Fleming.
When someone's Flemish, what does that mean?
I think that's like a region or something like that.
Of England?
They just have snot in their throat.
Is it England or Belgium?
Well, that's the pH.
Oh, okay. Oh, Well, that's the pH. Oh, okay.
Oh, no, that's fat.
You know, in the movie Osmosis Jones.
Of course, yeah, Bill Murray.
What a movie.
People, I think William Shatner was Mayor Fleming, It was Mayor Fleming
And he was of the
Of Frank
Bill Murray's character as Frank
Oh so he was Frank
Oh yeah of course
Damn okay
Dude
This is how dark of a time
The quarantine was
We made
Nick and I made Osmosis Crones
So Jeff had this idea
What was that?
Jeff
I guess it got approved right before COVID
hit. It was
whenever they had a big guest come on.
Big idea. Whenever they had a big guest come on,
we were going to pitch them a movie.
It was a panel of Dave,
Erica, and a
big director.
We were supposed to pitch ours to Jake Gyllenhaal.
No, it was someone even bigger.
I don't know, but he was like, we want you to pitch a movie. No, we were supposed to pitch ours like Jake Gyllenhaal. It was someone even bigger. He was like, we want you to pitch a movie.
No, it was Bradley Cooper.
This is very true.
We were supposed
to pitch to them and Jeff was like, can you guys make
a trailer for your movie?
We made a claymation called Osmosis
Crones. It's about a guy that goes
We stayed up for hours watching you make it.
Yes, we did.
I spent hours making a full-length claymation trailer.
Do you know how long that takes?
Yeah.
So does that exist?
Yeah, it exists.
People need to see it.
No, it sucked.
I kind of want to release it. You know a rushed claymation?
It's bad, but it's funny.
Or maybe not.
I mean, even good claymations are bad.
No, there are good claymations.
There are good claymations that look bad.
Well, this was a real claymation.
Oh, thank you.
It was rendered.
My favorite claymations are the little short ones where they're like cooking an egg.
It's all clay.
Yeah, those are satisfying.
That sounds.
Big congrats to Brandon Walker.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
So Stephen Chay just didn't show up.
Wow.
Okay.
No, no.
I'm congratulating you because Dana, you saw he got sponsored by Circle K, so you went
and got sponsored by Triple K.
So congrats to you, man.
Proud of you.
Happy for you.
We're also here with Jordan.
Well, that was a pre-existing relationship.
That isn't a new sponsorship.
They finally are footing the bill for all your crosses.
My sheets.
Yeah.
Your linens.
Jordan, brought you in here today.
You're the celebrity person, right?
Yeah.
But I think you have a skewed perspective on what celebrity is.
Because all of your celebrities are like 17 to 18 years old.
No. I'm going to name a celebrity and I want you to say
what list they're on. A to
what's the bottom list? Z?
Z list? Z?
Social media has created
a little gray area.
It's a D list.
Yeah. But it's hard because
my version is going to be different than the world's.
You just want mine. Jaden Hossler.
Stylized JX. I mean, to the world, C.
But to me, A.
Okay, so he's an A.
But is it the world the answer, though?
So if you know the world view, then you should be aware enough to change your own.
The world?
I'm not going to conform to the world. Yeah, Jaden Hossler's on a C-list celebrity ranking. I don't think Jaden Hossler's a C-list change your own world. I'm not going to conform to the world.
Yeah, Jaden Hossler is on a C-list celebrity rank.
I don't think Jaden Hossler is a C-list celebrity in the world.
What would you classify him as?
I don't know who he is.
I don't know if he gets on a celebrity list.
I don't think he's on a list.
He's unlisted.
He's got an unlisted number.
Yeah, but I only know who he is.
Frank, do you know Jaden Hossler?
No, I don't.
What list would you put Pokey Reese on?
Pokey Reese?
Who's that?
Calvin Reese? I'd put him on a C-listy Reese? B. Who's that? Calvin Reese?
I'd put him on a C list.
Yeah, exactly.
Too many people are defaulting to C.
No.
There are lists beyond C.
Yeah, D.
A through D.
A through D is the list?
But Jaden Hostler wouldn't even be D.
Are you kidding me?
He's right.
I would say like Dave.
No, he would not be.
When he walks down the street.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, I would classify Dave as...
Jaden Hossler is a D.
Dave makes Des Moines.
Dave is not D.
Okay.
So Des Moines is automatic C minimum?
Yeah.
She talks about C-list.
Is that how you pronounce it?
I don't know.
Des Moines.
Des Moines.
Des Moines.
It's a gossip Instagram page that KB's obsessed with.
It's sneaky fire.
It's anonymous.
It's a Sunday routine.
What's that mean?
You have a list in your phone of where celebrities hang out now.
Oh, spill it.
You're trying to cry.
Only in New York.
Tell me, please.
What do you mean, spill it?
Like, let me know so I can go there.
Spill, bitch.
I mean, they're not going to be...
Like, Shawn Mendes isn't going to be at fucking Grayson in Chelsea.
He's not going to be there just because he was there once.
I heard that.
Just like Chalamet.
Where's he been?
He's always in West Village.
Yeah.
He goes to stickies there.
Yeah.
BJ Novak is always bringing young broads to like New York, like dive bars and shit.
Novak is the airport.
Timothy Chalamet gave all the girls at NYU. Yeah. That's a long. That's a long lasting rumor. Yeah heard that Timothee Chalamet gave all the girls to NYU
chlamydia.
Yeah,
that's a long
lasting rumor.
That's true.
He would never do that.
No,
he can't give all the girls
chlamydia.
Unless it's like
a domino effect.
He gave one to one girl
and then,
you know,
that's just,
yeah,
maybe he's patient zero.
He only fucked once.
Chalamet has only fucked once.
Where did he go to high school
to go to Harbrook?
LaGuardia?
Did he?
I have no idea.
Probably private school. He's A-list. Or maybe like boarding school. Chalamet's not A-list. I don't thinkia. Did he? I have no idea. Probably private school.
He's A-list.
Or maybe like boarding school.
No, Chalamet's not A-list.
I don't think Chalamet's A-list.
I think Chalamet's...
What?
Okay, who's A-list?
You've got everybody on A-list.
You've got Jay Nostle on A-list.
Chalamet will be A-list eventually,
but he's not now.
He seems like an up-and-coming actor
that's now getting big.
He's certainly famous.
You see, Chalamet is A-list celebrity
as any name.
A-list is household name. Like The Rock-list celebrity. A-list is household name.
Like The Rock.
He's a B-list.
Ariana Grande.
Alanis Morissette.
Alanis Morissette.
No.
Yes.
Ever since Jagged Little Pill came out.
That's an amazing play, but she's not an A-list celebrity.
Like Paula.
Amazing play.
Yeah, it's an amazing play.
Yeah, but you're attributing.
It's an amazing album.
I know, but I saw the Broadway play and it was amazing.
Where are you putting Morris at?
She's probably C.
She's a C-list celebrity now.
C-list celebrity.
When you think of A-list.
None of us would recognize her.
That's A-list.
Not to the other generations, though.
No, it is.
When you think of A-list, you've got to watch the video of The Rock going up to the tour bus.
These guys cross generations.
I have talked about Tom Cruise before, and people did not know who that was.
No, that's not true.
That didn't happen.
Then, yeah, that can't be right.
You're talking about people.
I said, I saw Katie Holmes out, and they go, who's that?
And I go, Tom Cruise's wife.
And they go, who's that?
You've talked to these people in the flesh?
Okay, but if they saw Tom Cruise, they would know.
I don't think Jolie's still A-list.
Jolie is not.
We need to update this list.
This list needs updated.
Kevin Spacey?
This is too big of an A-list.
Immediately no.
You attain A-list and you keep it.
Kevin Spacey's 100% an A-list celebrity.
And Jolie Minjoli is still an A-list.
Well, Kevin Spacey is on a list.
I think you can lose your list.
Yes.
You can move up to him.
No, because when they get canceled, it brings them up more.
But the lists are fluid.
There's a huge difference between the A-list and the A-list.
Okay, and you guys are also talking about the whole generation of celebrities.
Let's talk about today's generation of celebrities.
Will Smith.
A-list.
Brad Pitt.
A-list.
Give me an A-list woman.
Kim Kardashian.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, she's A-list. Do you hate Kim Kardashian? Or any other Kardashians A-list woman. Kim Kardashian. Yes. Yes. Yeah, she's A-list.
Do you hate Kim Kardashian?
Or any other Kardashians A-listers?
All of them.
All of them?
Yeah, all of them.
Khloe?
Yeah.
She's really gone up in the rankings.
What are the official Kardashian rankings right now?
So, Kim, Kourtney, Kim.
Kelly Clarkson.
Wait, are we doing Kardashian rankings or still going through celebrities? We're doing three Ks. What? Kourtney, Kim, Khloe. Kelly Clarkson. Wait, are we doing Kardashian rankings or still going through celebrities?
I want to know the three Ks.
What?
Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe.
Yeah, but we also have Kylie and Kendall.
You love those three Ks, don't you, Brandon?
Yes, he does.
Fuck you.
Frank, could you just sneeze into the hand we fist bump with?
No.
Also, Kelly Clarkson, A-list celebrity.
Really?
Kelly Clarkson.
Robin Quivers. Who's that? How big do you think the A-list is? I think the A-list celebrity. Really? Kelly Clarkson. Robin Quivers.
Who's that?
How big do you think the A-list is?
I think the A-list is tight.
I think the A-list is a tight group of people.
20 people.
You do realize there's hundreds and thousands of celebrities.
Right, but there's not hundreds of thousands of A-listers.
I never said that.
I'm just saying in general there are.
Everybody who says you says an A-lister.
And also, I didn't realize that.
That's a lot.
We've had like five.
Of celebrities?
Hundreds of thousands?
When are celebrities
going to be the majority?
Joe Biden's number two.
How are you?
Yeah, dude.
He's got stans.
Also, I will say,
you guys are probably
the most out-of-touch people
when it comes to fashion.
That's a great pick of him.
Okay, but like,
when I think of...
But one of the pictures
he could find...
You guys are out of touch.
No, when I think of A-list, I think of like that person could go up to most people on the street and they would know who they are.
Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Kylie Jenner.
Are the D'Amelio's A-listers?
In the world, no, but to me, yes.
In America?
Probably not.
How do you get your own list?
No, I would say they're like C or D.
Yeah.
You hate the D'Amelios, though.
Because I think like... But I'm not...
That doesn't have anything to do with my ranking.
What percentage of American population has to know you to be an A-lister?
So give me some Middle Eastern women who are A or even B or C.
Give me like four.
I don't know.
Mia Khalifa.
Oh, yeah.
Mia Khalifa.
But she's probably D.
She's D-list.
Definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
I don't know any others.
What list could KB fuck around on?
What list could he get laid on?
D&C for sure.
For sure.
Everyone could.
He could be like a C-list celebrity. No, I couldn't. KB could land a D-list.
He could be a C-list celebrity.
No, I couldn't.
Yeah, C-list is like Bachelor.
No, it's not.
What are you talking about?
That's the D-list.
No, like Tyler Cameron is a C-list celebrity. I don't think I could.
No way.
I only know about Tyler Cameron because of Barstool.
Neurologically, I couldn't even speak to a C-list celebrity.
Give us some C-list celebrity girls.
Not on your list, though, on the real list.
Not on the Bachelor list?
No.
Oh, God.
I'll give you a C.
C-list is like reality stars.
It's hard.
Oh, Tana Mongeau.
No.
No.
No, no, no.
Yeah, she.
No.
These are the questions I had for you because I thought your definition of celebrity is so much different than my own.
Yeah, because you guys don't know anything about pop culture.
So who's your C-list example?
A C-list woman?
Yeah, who's yours?
Alex Cooper?
Bebe Rexha.
No.
You think she's C-list?
She's D.
Bebe Rexha?
I'm thinking of like actors.
Yeah, let's go actors only here.
I haven't seen a movie in a long time.
Frances McDormand.
I don't know who that is.
What's Kirsten Dunst?
B.
B.
I was going to say C.
You don't know Frances McDormand?
She's falling off.
What's Dunst been in with her snaggled tooth ass?
I need to see a picture.
What would you say?
What about like Aidy Bryant?
What would you say Aidy Bryant is?
Who's that?
You know who that is from SNL?
She's won like three Oscars.
Hold on. Frank's on Frances McDormand who that is from SNL? She's won like three Oscars.
Hold on.
Frank's on Francis McDormand right now.
Oh, yeah. She's big.
She's one of the best actresses.
Frank, what about some C-list shortstops?
Let's do some Googling.
C-list shortstops?
Well,
Amad Rosario.
Yeah, sure.
Let's not dance around this for the next 46 minutes.
Let's just name people.
Let's name people.
Because that's essentially
what we're doing.
50 Cent is considered
a C-list celebrity
on the social media.
I think right now
that's probably accurate.
Yeah.
I think he peaked at
high B, low A.
I love saying my opinion
is like the fact.
If 50 Cent was in Times Square
right now,
he'd be like Ben Mintz
on Bourbon Street.
He'd be getting
fucking mauled.
No, I'd say 50 Cent
is probably B.
I think right now he's probably be. I think right now
he's probably C.
Oh, never mind.
Even if you don't know
his music.
That was alphabetical order.
Wait, what?
He was the first
to have alphabetical order.
I thought that was it.
Yeah, 50 would be first.
Sorry about that.
Well, wouldn't two chains
be first?
Hell yeah.
No, but it's my last name, Cent.
Cent.
It's his last name.
Mr. Cent.
Sorry about that.
What's his net worth?
Any guesses?
50 cent?
Yeah.
$50 million.
I thought 50 cent went, but didn't he claim bankruptcy?
I'm going to say-
But then he posted a video about it.
He made a lot from vitamin water.
I'm going to say 120 mil.
Not that much.
All right. I'm going to say 60 mil. I'm going to say 120 mil. Not that much. I'm going to say 60 mil.
I'm going to say 30.
Who's on this?
50 mil.
Do you know at his first concert?
Oh, fuck.
Buckle up, boys.
I have an idea where this is going to go.
Yeah?
Everyone asked for a refund for his first concert.
And he said that I don't have my 50 cent.
There it was.
Who said that?
Never mind.
Frank, do you want to stick with the goatee?
I might for a while.
Yeah, I think you're right with it.
I had the beard.
It was itchy, scratchy.
Like toilet paper.
I mean, I couldn't shave while the dolphins were winning.
Yeah, you can't do that.
It was much more red than I thought it would be.
He looked like you.
We looked like each other.
It was very red.
We looked very much alike.
When I had all the shavings in the sink, it was just so ridiculously red.
Yeah.
Yeah. Jordan, there's an empty seat
if you want to snag somebody of your choosing.
Yeah, why don't you go pick somebody?
Who deserves? Has to be a man, though.
Yes. I don't know any men at Barstool.
That's a good point.
That can't be right.
Jordan, when did you get hired?
October 4th I started.
This year?
Yeah.
Looks like you've been here longer than that.
It does seem like that.
Thank you.
So where were you last year on this date?
What are you doing?
I was working in corporate insurance.
Where?
In Minnesota.
That's exactly where one would work in corporate insurance.
Minneapolis.
I heard that excuse.
St. Louis Park, Minnesota, to be exact.
Did you have to pay out a lot of buildings that got burned down or anything?
No.
I didn't work in Minneapolis.
But Minnesota, the only thing I know about Minnesota is it's cold.
Oh, yeah.
You know more about Minnesota than that.
You know Kirby Puckett.
You know way more about Puckett.
You know the Twins won the 91 World Series.
You know that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's actually a pretty famous, like there's a lot there.
Prince?
Prince and Kirby Puckett.
Prince, Mall of America.
So is Kirby Puck.
Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan.
10,000 Lakes.
10,000 Lakes.
I don't know if they counted them.
Target, Best Buy.
It's exactly 10,000.
There's Targets and Best Buys everywhere.
No, corporate.
Like it started there.
Target started there?
Yeah.
Yeah, the Target Center is in.
And so is Target Field.
The Mississippi River.
Starts there.
Lake Itasca.
Yeah.
So ask if it's one Mississippi fact.
Not Mississippi.
Minnesota.
That's where Bob Dylan's from.
There we go.
I already gave that, though.
It's true.
I didn't hear it.
We just went right past it.
That sounds good.
They just had the winter classic here,
and it was the coldest game in the history of the NHL.
Was it really?
Is that a fact? Yes. State of hockey. I don't know why the NHL. Is that a fact?
Yes.
State of hockey.
I don't know why I'm asking, is that a fact?
What is the Juicy Lucy?
Juicy Lucy.
What's Juicy Lucy?
The skywalk.
Cheese inside a burger.
You've never had a Juicy Lucy?
Nah.
Is there a pineapple on it?
Wait, you've never had a Juicy Lucy?
I've never had a Juicy Lucy.
Right?
Is that right?
What?
They do the cheese inside the burger?
Yes.
Yeah.
They have the Skywalk there.
The Skywalk?
What was before the Skywalk?
What did you say?
Matt's Bar.
That's the famous Juicy Lucy place.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
I know a lot about Minneapolis.
Matt Bar was a kicker for the Vikings back in the day.
Yeah, you guys just went like a month ago.
Yeah, that's the only reason that I know anything about it.
Did you like it?
Matt Bar played for the Vikings.
Yeah, I actually didn't mind.
I liked the Skywalk.
It was cool. Am I thinking Chris Bar? Who played for the Vikings. Yeah, I actually didn't mind. I liked the Skywalk. It was cool.
Am I thinking of Chris Barr? Who played for the Vikings?
Cold. Who did Matt Barr play for? The Browns? I guess Minnesota's not important anymore. Matt Barr played for several teams,
but he played for the Browns and the Giants.
In fact, he won...
He was the kicker when the Giants
won Super Bowl XXV.
Where was this in the dozen, Frank?
Well, he doesn't
ask any questions.
He asks all these questions like in the last 10 years where facts run together.
He never goes beyond 2010.
So tonight, 7 p.m., YouTube and Sling and everywhere else,
the dozen, Battle for Arizona Championship, Team ZD against us, the experts.
That's right.
Jordan, you don't have a dozen team.
You need to get one.
Neither does Sasquatch.
What is the dozen?
Wow.
You just made a very powerful, well-hairstyled enemy.
That was good.
You want to get a team ready?
No.
Why?
All he knows is pop culture.
That's a category.
You'd be good at the face mashups.
You would be good at the face mashups. They half the categories are pop culture. You would be good at the face mashups.
They have distinguished celebrities where they do a face mashup.
Hey, TJ, can you just, I don't know how you would find it, but can you just throw up a
face mashup that maybe Jeff used before and see if she gets it?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, that should be findable, right?
What?
Celebrity mashups.
See if she gets it.
So you just take two celebrity faces and they mash them together?
Yeah, you tell me the two celebrities.
Oh, that's fine.
You think you'll be good at that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, there goes 20 minutes.
What the fuck's he doing?
What's he doing?
He's doing a walk of shame from HR.
He's doing what we make fun of other people for.
Jerry, I've been telling all the girls what you like on feet,
and we're all going to get white pedicures.
I'm going to be able to see them, right?
Yeah, and wear anklets
because we know you like that.
Yeah, it took half a second
to get into that.
I've seen you took a picture
with Kanye.
That's awesome.
No, that's a different Jordan.
That's Jordan Berry.
That's Jordan Berry.
Easy mix-up, though.
They don't even look alike.
I wasn't looking at the girls.
It's a Jordan.
It's a Jordan. It's a Jordan.
If it was Kanye, the whole world would know if I took a picture with Kanye.
Yeah, true.
That'd be awesome.
Jersey Jerry, give me somebody that's on the C-list, a C-list celebrity.
Because we all have different definitions, I guess.
C-list is like most of us are on the same.
It's behind the A and B list.
No sports?
No, sports could be it.
You guys are pretty strict about your tiers.
Yes, I am.
Why even have lists if you're not going to be strict about them?
So I know.
Can you give me an example of A, B, and C on your end?
A, Will Smith.
Will Smith.
B, I would give it to...
Who's a B-lister, I would say?
Antonio Brown.
I would say Aaron Rodgers.
Okay.
C.
Amanda Bynes.
Whoa.
Oh, okay.
We did not agree on that.
Zod just got pissed as fuck.
Zod got fucking pissed.
I mean, Amanda Bynes was changing lives in Zimbabwe.
What you talking about, C-list?
That's A-list.
How was she doing that?
What do you mean?
Elaborate.
Continue.
Continue.
What happened to you and Amanda Bynes?
What was she doing there?
So, Jerry, you were saying C-list?
I can do that.
What did we put Timothee Chalamet at?
A.
I think he's B.
He's on the waiting list for A.
I don't think the olds know about him yet.
I guess Tom Holland's probably B.
Tom Holland's probably closer to A than Timothee Chalamet.
Being in Marvel.
With Spider-Man, yeah.
And Zendaya.
All right, C list.
I think I would say A.
A list celebrity.
I don't want to get political at all.
Get political.
Definitely don't have to with this.
A, I would say.
Hard to.
I would say Trump, like A.
No, no.
Yeah, everybody knows that.
I would say B would be.
It would be funny if you just said Barack Obama.
No, not Barack.
I'd say B would be like a DeSantis, the guy from Florida.
You're only doing political.
And then C would be like a Michelle Obama.
Yeah.
No.
No.
Michelle Obama.
Michelle Obama.
She's a hard A.
Michelle Obama's C.
She's the hardest a woman can get on the list.
Okay.
Yeah.
I would figure she's not as known as them.
She's Michelle Obama.
Michelle Obama's a household name.
She has not changed a single word.
Oh, relax.
Zog gets pissed at every answer we throw at her.
Are you defending Michelle now? You look treated. I like Michelle Obama. I like not changed a single word. Oh, relax. Zog gets pissed at every answer we throw out. Are you defending Michelle now?
You look pretty good.
I'm a big Michelle Obama fan.
I'd say when it comes to,
let's say,
an Instagram following
or a Twitter following,
you know what I mean?
I'm sure hers is gigantic.
She has a large following.
You think so?
Let's look it up.
I think hers is bigger
than DeSantis.
Really?
Wait, DeSantis is B?
Yeah.
Florida's governor
over Michelle Obama.
I don't know.
Michelle Obama has almost 50 million Instagram followers.
Really?
What about DeSantis?
21 on Twitter.
I don't really think you can rate Michelle Obama's level of fame by her Instagram followers.
Michelle Obama is an A-lister.
You didn't want to get political, but you dropped three political names right off the top.
You kind of managed to, yeah.
Michelle Obama's up there with Trump.
Yeah, easily.
She's a first lady who, ironically, enjoys her privacy.
Yeah, I don't see her much in the news, Frank.
That's what I'm saying.
But when Obama was president, she was always on the news.
Yeah.
Chaking the ice cream away from our cafeterias.
She probably doesn't want to. She doesn't do anything political.
She does not want that.
She wants her private life.
She doesn't have political ambitions is what you're saying.
Yeah, she doesn't.
And it's because of how.
All right.
Okay, can we do this?
Who are these two celebrities?
That's a tough one.
Aubrey Plaza.
God, it looks like Fidel Berndt.
Aubrey Plaza.
Yes.
And I want to say
oh god
the guy. It's hard
because there's nothing but his hand.
I was literally going to say Jason Segel.
I swear on my life.
Alright, let's give her one.
I was going to say KFC.
I'm going to try to not answer it.
Wait.
I'm going gonna try because i
never get these you do you don't all right there you go make a team that looks like roan
yeah kind of exactly
i don't think you've ever seen roan oh man hey i don't know any male at bar hey even though i
sucked this week i actually got to celebrity matchup. You did.
Jordan, who's that?
No.
All right.
Look at the hairline.
It's a dead giveaway if you look at the hairline.
Is it not?
I don't know this at all.
Is it Spacey?
No, that's not Spacey.
Why aren't y'all guessing?
Sorry.
I don't know.
I've never seen this. I always feel uncomfortable when Brandon's here.
Oh, geez. Oh, no. Storm on. Sorry I don't know I've never seen this I always feel uncomfortable When Brandon's here And Big Cat's not Oh jeez
Oh no
Storm on
What did you just say to him
What the fuck did you
How did you make it uncomfortable
Something about toes
Wasn't it
No
What
What happened
He said I always feel so uncomfortable
But what happened
Immediately before that
I don't know
I was
I was saying
Why are we guessing
Because it was for Jordan I said why are we guessing I thought you said something to him I don't know. I was saying, why are we guessing? Because it was for Jordan.
I said, why are we guessing?
I thought you said something to him.
I don't quite know what happened.
Interesting.
I don't think he actually was serious.
I don't either.
I think he's just doing
his Antonio Brown impersonation.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
Where are we at?
Well, let's just end the show.
You don't have a guess on this one.
Let's just end the show there.
Yeah.
Their face looks familiar, but oh, wow. You don't have a guess on this one. Let's just end the show there. I did. I can't cover for that.
Their face looks familiar, but oh, wow.
I never would have gotten that.
Those are older celebrities.
That's a hard one.
I mean, that's no Jane Austen. I had Billy Crystal.
I didn't know Jane Austen.
I would have guessed John Travolta.
Oh, jeez.
What's your favorite Billy Crystal movie, Frank?
City Slickers, right? Throw Mama from the Train. Oh, wow. What's your favorite movie Crystal movie Frank City Slickers right
Throw Mama from the Train
oh wow
what's your favorite movie
of all time
mine best in show
or major league
that's a good question
what's yours
When Harry Met Sally
wow
a movie from 1989
is your favorite movie
yes
also Billy Crystal's
in that movie
you didn't care about
you just wanted to show off
so that you knew
the one I had
you know that I have
a true ego
why do you keep pointing out that I have a true at least make it more also ironically who's in that movie
meg ryan and billy crystal billy crystal yeah that means you should have got that he's from
your favorite movie of all time that was was that billy i'm so blind i couldn't even see the
like the people in the corner that was billy Crystal. Oh. But that was old Billy Crystal, not young Billy Crystal.
Yeah, I only know young Billy Crystal.
There you go.
Oh, Demi Lovato and...
We might help you out here, but it's easy.
It looks kind of like Joe Biden, but I don't think it is.
I don't think it is.
It's a president, I feel like.
I don't think so.
I think it's Bob Barker.
It's Bob Barker.
But Demi Lovato is the female.
Wow.
That was a fact loud.
Oh, that's a good looking person.
Oh, Shawn Mendes.
That's right.
Wait, who was the girl in the last?
In the middle?
I was trying to.
Trick question.
There wasn't a girl in the middle.
I pounced on your ass.
I'm a fucking superhero.
That was quick.
You are good.
You've been training for this moment. The old people throw me off. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I'm going to fuck you. That was quick. You are good. You've been training for this moment.
The old people throw me off.
I'm going to be honest with you guys.
I'm trying to get laid from a girl with a pixie cut.
Is that Angela Lansbury?
Who is that?
Damn.
Is Angela Lansbury?
Is she dead?
Almost certainly.
No, she isn't.
Jeff doesn't do that.
Jeff doesn't mix deads.
We should do deads.
Deads are good.
There's a lot of good deads left. Betty, why are good. There's a lot of good deads left.
Betty, why is that?
There's a lot of good deads left.
A lot of good dead celebrities.
Who's your favorite dead celebrity?
Probably Heath Ledger or
Brittany Murphy.
Brittany Murphy is probably mine too.
Yeah, she's good. R.I.P.
Pocahontas.
I did this once with somebody. You start it in January good. R.I.P. Pocahontas. Did you... I stand.
I did this once with somebody and it was
you start it in January and you
make a list of like
20 to 40 people. A Deadpool.
A Deadpool, yes. Oh, that's fucked up.
Because I never want to be right. I don't like that.
No, they do that with real celebrities
and it's freaky. It's called
The Eye on YouTube. It'll be your number one draft pick.
Alright, you gotta do one under 60. one draft pick. You gotta do one under
60. Oh no.
You gotta do one under 60?
For 2022? Well I think we'll die.
You have to pick one that seems like they give off
dying energy. And you have to do a child.
A child?
A child celebrity.
Have you ever heard of the game KB used to play
in the cemetery? Five for five
for five? Five for five for five.
No, I don't like...
It was fucked up.
What was it?
He always took girls there on dates.
Tell them what you did.
You just had five minutes to find five gravestones that had a child under the age of five.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, my God.
That was one of the games.
It was the cemetery Olympics.
This was my dad and my uncle, and I was nine or under,
and all my cousins would play.
They would be oldest.
They would be youngest.
And then there would be the different categories,
and we'd win money.
So you just go to a regular cemetery.
Not a child cemetery.
You see, when I want to go to a... What is this, a kid's cemetery?
Unless I'm looking for a celebrity grave,
which I've never really done.
Where are celebrities buried?
Me and KB saw Aretha Franklin.
It's hard to stumble upon one by happenstance.
I like going to
Revolutionary War cemeteries.
Okay, yeah, those are old-ass stones.
Yeah, I like the cemeteries that are, yeah, those are old-ass stones. Yeah, I like the
cemeteries that are from
the 1700s and 1800s.
Does it ever freak you out how
so many people are buried underneath us?
Fuck it.
Ever see the movie
The Irritable Third Christ?
I'd rather be there than up in the air.
I want to be cremated.
The ground's probably the best place
for them.
It's just creepy, though, to think there's just going to be so many more people underneath the ground.
Yeah, there's a lot creepy.
There's a lot of creepy things.
Yeah, Kyle?
Death is creepy.
What's creepy to you?
I mean, let's start with the ocean.
No, I can't be in here for these types of conversations.
We can't talk ocean?
We can't talk ocean?
Ocean, space, death.
That freaks me out.
You're really handcuffing us here.
Oh, man.
You know, Gene Roddenberry.
Of course, yeah.
Sure.
Who's that?
When he died, he was cremated,
and they actually took his ashes out into space.
Fuck yeah.
So they're just floating around still.
That seems like a huge waste of resources.
For my entire life up until two days ago, I thought Mars was the closest planet to Earth.
Is it not?
The one closer to the sun?
Venus, I guess.
Why don't we go to...
Oh, we probably can't say that.
Venus is...
Mars might have an atmosphere
that can be cultivated
and that we could breed.
Everything in Venus is just pure acid.
It's just toxic.
It's like...
I didn't know you were a space guy.
Speaking of which,
Venus Williams is...
Venus Williams is fucking cold sprouts. I know. were a space guy. Speaking of which, Venus Williams is... Venus Williams is fucking Cole Sprouse.
I called that prediction.
There's been chemistry for a long time.
What?
Oh, yeah.
What?
I was going to say, that was the most random connection I've ever heard.
I don't think so.
What's up, Rudy?
Why are you dressed like that?
That's a good fit.
Hey, Rudy, you brought the Crocs in today.
What's going on?
I had to wear Crocs.
We're starting the new Crocs trend.
He was barefoot in the office yesterday.
I said, why?
And he said, I bought new boots and they hurt my feet.
So now he just went full.
So your feet got so hurt by the boots, you had to soften your shoes?
Did you swap out a strap?
Is that an aftermarket strap?
No, I don't know.
No, those are the new Crocs.
I bought it from this company I like called Pleasures.
But I wore the Crocs because my heel, I have like a vision.
My boots fucked up my heel so bad.
These are the only heel-less shoes I have.
So that's the only reason why.
Can you take your sock off and let me see that foot?
That's not weird, is it?
No, you can see it.
No, no, no.
Don't make this happen.
Oh, God.
For one boot?
Yeah.
Holy crap, Rudy.
Holy crap.
You see, that's why I don't wear boots.
You don't wear socks.
Sorry, KB.
That's going to take a long time to heal.
Jordan, was that on purpose?
Just say yes.
I actually don't, but I want to hear why that was funny.
What'd you say?
You punned.
Where is it?
You unintentionally pawned.
Yeah, I did not.
Yeah, no, I normally wouldn't.
These are my house shoes.
These are what I wear in the house, so I wouldn't normally do this.
So it's a wild fit for sure.
You look like you got dressed by accident today.
No, no.
That's the most intentional fit ever.
The watching New York TikTok guy would stop you maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's my worst fear.
You've got to be in a group of three with the similar dress.
Let's break down the outfit price-wise, like that viral TikTok.
What is that, a Stussy jacket?
Hat is probably, I got this in Indie with Spider.
Hat is probably $20.
We'll say $25.
$25.
You have hair product in?
No.
You don't have a mousse, a paste?
No, I went pasteless today.
Well, he went with a hat, so he didn't use all that.
Raw.
All right.
Jacket.
This jacket is Stussy that Kyle said.
And this was probably like $125.
Okay.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Blue collar stolen valor.
That's my lane lately.
Yeah, sure.
It happens.
A lot of people do that.
And then this is online ceramics. Yeah, sure. It happens. A lot of people do that. And then this is Online Ceramics.
Grateful Dead Red Rocks.
I had to get it because I'm from Colorado.
$35?
This was probably like $100.
That much?
Jesus.
Yeah, but it's, you know, Frank, I mean, this is some intricate work here, my friend.
But a t-shirt is $35.
It's a crew neck.
It's a sweatshirt.
It's a sweatshirt.
Oh, it's a sweatshirt. Yes. Does that make it $100? Yeah. That would makeshirt is $35. It's a crew neck. It's a sweatshirt. It's a sweatshirt. Oh, it's a sweatshirt.
Does that make it $100?
Yeah.
That would make it maybe $55.
Frank, you can't talk.
You've been shopping lately.
Have you been shopping, Frank?
You've been wearing new garments on a weekly basis.
You've been buying new pants, shirts.
I bought these pants last year for $75.
Those are nice, corduroy. Yep, that's a thick corduroy, too. Yeah, it's warm. It bought these pants last year. Oh, really? $75. Those are nice.
Corduroy. Yep, that's a thick corduroy too.
Yeah, it's warm. It's cold as fuck today. I wish I had those.
It's really cold in the office. We're supposed to get like 8 inches of snow tomorrow? Is that what you said?
Don't say that, please. I don't know about here. I know in Massachusetts.
Dude, I'm fucked. I'm going to have to wear Crocs.
Why? Bandage.
Put a bandage on. Yeah.
Nick actually gave me his slippers yesterday.
Well, Lodge,
this weekend, starting tomorrow,
I'm going up with Playboy Marty with Dougs,
and we're going to see some minor league hockey and make some content.
Which teams?
The Adirondack Dunder.
So you're going to be in Glen Falls on Friday night.
The units will be in the house at the Adirondack Thunder game.
And on Saturday, we'll be going over to Utica, watching the Utica Comets,
both affiliates of the New Jersey Devils.
You dropping puck anywhere?
You dropping the puck?
Could be.
I think you need a unit producer.
Playboy Marty is not a unit.
You need a unit producer.
You need a full unit.
He's a little thick.
Nah, he's not a unit. I wouldn't turn my head. Yeah. He's a decimal point. You need a full unit. He's a little thick. Nah, he's not a unit.
I wouldn't turn my head.
Yeah.
He's a decimal point.
To see all of him.
Yeah.
Yeah, he needs more units.
Yeah.
Wait, hold on.
I thought you said the Utica Comets?
Utica.
Got it.
And they're in the Jersey farm system?
Yeah, the Devils swapped out last year.
They're the ECHL, are they not?
The Utica Comets are AHL team.
The Devils have – this is their first year affiliated with the Devils.
Okay.
Frank, I went to the Prudential Center last night for the first time.
That's a nice building.
It is nice.
It is nice.
The concession stands are just brutal.
There weren't that many people there last night, and it was easy.
I just went right up to the chicken.
I got chicken tenders and fries.
It's just so easy.
Well, at least you ate the thing that's sort of edible. Yeah, it was easy. I just went right up to the chicken. I got chicken tenders and fries. Well, at least you ate the thing that's
sort of edible.
Yeah, it was good.
I mean, the food
quality is
they need to get new
chefs.
Well, we didn't talk about that.
Do you think they hire chefs
for the concession stand?
I was going to say the Prudential Center is the nicest place in Newark by far.
Oh, in the city?
Yes.
Who plays there?
I don't think that's close.
Devils.
Hockey.
Newark is something else.
Newark is like a D-list.
D-list.
It's a D-list city.
I smelled an odor in Newark last night I had never smelled in life.
I went to Newark Penn Station,
and I walked up the steps,
and in the stairwell between the ground
and the platform was an odor of funk and shit
that I've never...
What was the flavor profile?
It was like weak old poop.
It was aging poop.
I don't think weak old poop would smell bad.
I don't know.
I think it dries up.
Poop loses its odor.
Yeah, I think it dries up and loses its smell.
But let's say I had poop in a jar and I spritzed it.
Would it stink forever?
The spritz might.
Well, speaking of Penn Station.
Hold on.
We've got to figure out about the stinky poop.
You're keeping it from being petrified.
Sure.
I think that would keep the odor alive, maybe.
I don't.
Just water it?
Woodruff thoughts?
I feel like if you sprayed poopery on it...
No, that would make it smell good.
Yeah.
No, I'm saying...
We're talking about how do you keep the odor everlasting.
How do you keep the jar of poop?
Odor everlasting.
I don't know.
Should we have a jar of poop in the air?
It'd be like a cigar.
I think spritzing it, keeping it damp would keep the...
TJ, can we...
Sustain the odor.
We should try it at the very least.
TJ, could you bring in your poop tomorrow
what you're talking about
is like the same thing
as how they keep cigars fresh
it's like a humidifier
we need a humidor
a humidor yeah
so that would work
if you humidored your poop
I'm sure somebody's
humidored their poop
yeah dude I mean
like if you ever
picked up dog shit
I bought an $198
ant farm last night
why
I knew you that's sick wait have you bought an $198 ant farm last night. Why? I knew you were.
That's sick.
Wait, have you told the story about your ant farm with the hurricane or the tornado?
The tornado was hitting Columbus, and everybody was like, if you have a pet, bring it into the hallway.
I just brought my ant farm out there, and everybody was mad at me because they were afraid.
With their dogs freaking out.
But then I left my ant farm open that very night, and my room was just infested as fuck.
I remember you telling me that story, and I thought it was like when you were in college or something.
No, no.
It was like last year.
It was about six months before I got hired here.
But I finally upgraded the farm.
So it's got multiple rooms and everything.
I'm very excited.
I bought a queen as well.
I didn't have a queen before.
What's the going rate for a queen?
Queens are hard to get, right?
Yeah, queen.
Well, you have to have the appropriate farm and you have to go to
like a reputable seller.
She hot?
The queen or the seller?
Because the answer is both.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The queen's bulbous.
If that's what you're into.
I don't know what that means.
Fat ass.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
The queen always has a big ass.
Anatomically, they're like
one of the hotter animals.
Yeah.
They're shaped well.
Yeah.
It's a shapely being.
Yeah.
They're curvy.
But are they...
They don't fuck, do they?
Ants?
Yeah.
How do you think they still exist?
So is the queen just a whore?
The queen is...
Well, yeah.
They fertilize her.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
She's not my queen.
They take turns on her?
Not in my house.
Not in my fucking house.
You don't let your aunt fuck.
You keep her in a separate...
I bought it from a sick...
It's an awesome farm.
How much was it?
$198.
How big is it?
You led with that.
Shockingly not large.
But it's more about the valves and the containers.
And, like, it's really cool.
So does it come with, like...
So I know they make their, like, tunnels and everything.
Does it come with that pre-built?
This one has a chamber with tunnels. And then an area where they can dig themselves.
They can freestyle.
They can freestyle.
But the chambers themselves –
Do they like suck at being ants because they're like domesticated?
Yeah.
They don't know they're domesticated.
I don't think you can domesticate the ant.
I don't quite think.
If I'm paying $198 for an ant farm, they better domesticate me.
They better enslave me in their farm.
Make me work.
$200 for ants?
No, no.
That was just the farm.
Not the colony.
Not even the colony?
No, the colony.
What is the colony?
Do you ship a colony of ants?
Yeah.
You have to go find them yourself.
They're kept in dry ice.
But then like...
In like a test tube?
They're not active.
Yeah, in test tubes.
And then you thaw them out.
So you get frozen ants.
They're not frozen, but they're just colds to where they move very, very slow.
What?
What if they arrive and they're all dead?
There will be probably five to ten dead ants.
But you can reanimate them.
You can reanimate them, right?
Do you know if they're dead or do you have to?
So wait, do you have like tweezers and you like individually grab each of them and like
place them in the deck?
No, I'll open the tube and it will usually have a frozen carrot in there as well,
a little piece.
Then you put it in the farm and they'll run out
and then you take the tube out.
Really?
Yeah.
This is very nice.
Can you record this?
Say you go home with a hinge date.
Thoughts on an ant farm?
It is on my nightstand.
On the nightstand?
It's right there.
Do you talk?
Do you read them to sleep?
No, no, no.
They can't comprehend.
They're ants.
Or you.
Idiots.
Are you under the mantra that once you're in, you're in?
I honestly don't know what I would do if I
went into a guy's apartment.
I don't think an ant farm is necessarily weird at all.
Not at all. Especially one that's so nice.
I think it necessarily could be weird. Better than having like a tarantula
or some shit. I guess it depends on the aesthetic.
Like if your whole apartment is just like
all like that. Creatures. It's ant themed.
I have an ant themed apartment.
Yeah, look how awesome this is.
Frank, I know you're in on this.
It'd be cool.
What if they had LED lights around it?
That'd be cool as fuck.
You can get those,
but I just wanted more natural-looking habitat.
Well, you said, but where are you putting it?
My nightstand.
How long does it take for them to build those tunnels?
This is probably like a day.
Ten minutes.
They move quick.
That'd be cool to watch.
Entrancing to watch.
Uh-huh.
And imagine that next to your bed.
It puts you right to sleep.
So what's the priciest ant?
Oh, I wouldn't know.
I don't get pricey ants.
I just get reds.
But if the ants...
Creating a bomb pop.
I gave my ant a bomb pop.
What's that?
Because the red-white blue...
You drop that and they come and devour them.
I killed half my colony with a bomb pop. I still don't know what it is. What's that? Because the red, white, blue, you drop that and they come and devour them. I killed half my colony with a bomb pop.
I still don't know what it is.
What is it?
The red, white, blue popsicles.
Got it.
Come on, Rudy.
I saw a video the other day of ants, I guess.
They do this thing that happens to them called a death march where they get their wires mixed up and they get confused.
And they start walking in a circle.
And then one person starts going in a circle and the other ones just
follow the next one.
And they just go in a massive circle,
hundreds of them.
And they just march and they're,
they're just go forever.
And then they just die.
You know,
those,
you know,
those small firecrackers,
like the ones that they're like,
don't even play poppers.
The ones that don't say what you're about to say.
No,
the,
the,
the,
yeah,
the little string ones,
right?
The string ones.
They go, psh.
They don't really blow up that much, but I remember when I was like 11 years old,
I would find an ant and put one of those right on the ant.
No, that's not good.
You should be sad.
That's very sad.
But could you get them out of it?
Could you break the cycle?
I'm sure you could.
You might be able to lead him away with food.
But this one is just their following.
So I'm reading you have to find the specific
lead act.
It's like a jigsaw puzzle.
You can just scoop them all up and throw them
back in.
You have to throw a flashbang in the middle of them.
This is like they're unionizing.
They're protesting.
Hold on. I want to get back
to what Frank was saying.
What were you saying, Frank?
Would you throw a firecracker at an anthill?
Yes, I would.
I did.
You did?
I'm going to come into your room, Nick, one night with a magnifying glass and wait for the sun to set.
And a firecracker.
And wait for the sun to rise.
And just burn them.
And just burn all of them.
Just kidding.
I would never do that.
Thanks, man.
You know ants are like one of the strongest animals in the world?
Yeah.
I think everybody knows that.
For their body weight.
Like pound by pound, right?
Like per...
Yeah, yeah.
For their body weight, yeah.
They can lift like a whole
piece of cucumber.
They don't compare to beetles, though.
They don't compare to beetles?
Beetles are better?
Mm-hmm.
In what way?
They're the strongest.
Mm.
What kind of beetle?
It'd be funny if like...
Like a bull beetle?
That one with like the rhino one?
Yeah, yeah.
Rhino beetle, I think.
Something like that. It'd be funny if like some like lifting dude on. Yeah, a rhino beetle, I think.
Something like that.
It would be funny if, like, some lifting dude on TikTok was talking.
He's like, dude, I'm just trying to get, like, a beetle.
They can lift so much.
They can deadlift, like, 14 times their body weight.
TJ, can you Google how to make poop stink forever?
Or even for longer.
How to keep poop stinky?
I looked it up, and it censored everything. It's just how to keep poop stinky I looked it up And it censored everything
And it's just
How to keep poop not stinky
Son of a bitch
Oh yeah
People are going the other way
Yeah
Covering it up
Why it smells so bad
That makes sense
As I was saying
When I was going through
Potential Center on Sunday
On the way out to the Hoboken house
For the live stream
I saw a nice little present
In the elevator
There was a poop in there? Yes A human poop nice little present in the elevator.
There's a poop in there?
Yes.
Of human poop?
Oh, yeah.
In the elevator?
In the elevator. Of the Prudential Center?
Every time you're in New York, there's poop everywhere.
But every once in a while, you can tell when it comes from a man.
I can tell the difference between man and beast, poop-wise.
You say that now.
We're doing a show.
The Yak. Oh. Yeah. doing a show. The Yak.
Oh.
Yeah.
Don't know exactly the date.
The live show, yeah.
The live show.
Our posters are fantastic.
It's a Friday vibes show.
That's cool.
Are we singing karaoke?
Tickets are live right now.
It's at Stand Up New York.
I'm going to have to black out.
Yeah, I didn't even think about when I signed up.
It's on January 14th.
Are there only 100 tickets?
At 8 p.m., are they $100 a year?
It's a Friday night.
100 tickets?
Okay, that's good.
Oh, no, there's 150 tickets, it says on there.
I'll be there.
I'll support you guys.
Oh, no, it got changed to 100.
Never mind.
Can we zoom in on the drawing of Zala?
Yeah.
And it's at Stand Up New York.
They started coloring him in, and they realized he couldn't see his eyes, so they had to just
stop.
Yeah.
This guy's never sketched a black person.
Oh, fuck.
I knew I should have started with the chin.
Stephen Shea.
Stephen Shea looks like a horror movie villain.
Yeah, he does.
Who drew that?
That's pretty good.
Yeah, Stephen does look like a...
Brandon, they really butchered you.
Yeah, they did.
Where am I?
Far Lab.
That's me on Far Lab?
Looks like you have something.
It looks like something that would be on Mount Rush you. Yeah, they did. Where am I? Far left. That's me on the far left. Looks like you have something. It looks like something that would be on Mount Rushmore.
Yeah.
KB and Nick, you guys look good.
They somehow nailed Owen.
Yeah, the Owen's really good.
Owen must have done this himself.
This drawing is somehow really good and really bad.
You can tell who we are.
TJ's drawing looks like half his body size.
Oh.
What about T.J.'s self?
What does he look like?
He's a unit.
Come on.
He is.
They nailed Steven's egghead.
Yeah, they did.
But he looks like he looks like a Sin City villain.
He looks like...
He looks like it or something like that.
I'm going to murder your whole family now.
How's your dome doing, Sass?
Good.
It's the first day I've worn the hat.
How's it feel? Good. It feels really good. the first day I've worn the hat How's it feel?
Good, it feels really good
I don't think you need the hat
You can't stop touching it
It's chilly
It's cold
Is this the first time you've done a buzz cut?
I had one when I was really young, but yeah
In my grown life
It's freeing
I mean, I also didn't cut my hair for uh two months
after the dolphins are winning streak so i was they i buzzed it too i buzzed that oh i tuned
into the lot it was a it was a hit yeah it was a hit i am jealous that seems like a fun thing to
do just to oh yeah it feels amazing yeah yeah it's just so scary but you're well here the thing is that you're you're you're
only 20 right yeah so you're fine like if you once you get into your like if it was 24 he wouldn't
be well dude at a certain point you do the buzz you get scared like you don't know it's not coming
back yeah you don't know if it's oh no it's my hairline's really bad is it oh yeah it's not that
bad i don't think it's not that bad it's up high like bad. I don't think it's that bad. It's up high. Yeah, but I don't think it's receding.
I think it was just like that.
No, I think it's receding.
No, that's –
Well, you saw me with the – when I had – before I buzzed.
I mean, I had a giant bald spot.
That's why I like buzzing.
It's like, okay, I surrender.
Yeah, it's the right move.
Yeah, it is at a certain point.
I'm going to get plugged because I'm never going bald.
Oh, me too.
Steven asked on the prep sheet,
is Owen sneaky one of the most underrated guys at Barstool?
That's kind of mean. Which is like, that's what underrated means.
So not even underrated.
He's sneaky underrated.
Yeah, Owen is number one.
Sneaky underrated.
It says Roan is the best.
Everyone knows that.
But is Owen sneaky underrated?
Why did he start it like that?
Sneaky underrated is not a compliment.
That is maybe the meanest thing you could say.
You're not even on the radar to be underrated.
Your underratedness is underrated.
And then right above that, it just says capital was stormed.
It does.
You're like sneakily unknown.
Sneaky unknown.
Oh, man.
Double negative.
Super sneaky.
Like if you raise your social profile, nobody will know you.
Keep working, pal.
Oh, man.
Any update on the Nate versus Tico situation?
No, definitely not.
I haven't seen Nate in weeks.
I think Nate fell back hard after yesterday.
After Pat came in?
I saw Patrick filling out that gray shirt.
He is huge.
He told me that he reverse benches 495 pounds.
What's a reverse bench?
You just pull the weight on top?
No, no, that's easy as fuck.
No, no, you hold it like this.
Yeah, when he, we asked how much he could bench,
and his default answer was how much he could reverse bench.
And he said he doesn't know how much he can bench.
Tico's twin brother.
You hold it like this, and you bench it like this.
That seems dangerous. I feel like he's pretty big.ico's twin brother? You hold it like this and you bench it like this.
That seems dangerous.
I feel like he's pretty big. I think it's just to work your lower chest and different part of your triceps.
Him working the phones of the telethon the entire time is hilarious.
It was so funny.
That was the first time I'd ever seen him.
His kids call and call and he wants to talk to little Sass.
Hey, this is Patrick.
Hey, Patrick.
This is Pat Tico.
This is Pat Texas.
Or is it Tico?
Their last name is Tico?
Yeah.
I'm drawing.
That one's way into a sketch.
That one does not do Tico.
Wait, they took Sass's hair away.
That one looks real bad.
I don't like how my face looks on it.
It's even on Sass.
I look like a bad kid in that.
Owen looks better in the drawing.
That guy caused trouble.
You look like you have fetal alcohol syndrome.
I look like I bite kids on the playground.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you look like the bad kid.
You're a biter.
Yeah, yeah.
Sid?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
That's sass burning my ass.
Oh, my God, TJ.
TJ looks like a character from Mad Max.
Yeah.
His jaw looks better.
Look at the face on Shane.
It looks like the undead.
Zach, congrats on being Jeff Dunham's new puppet.
Thank you, thank you.
Let's go see KB and Nick.
Yeah, get up there.
I made the beards look a little bit like Pew.
Che looks like how he should look.
Y'all have the same beard here.
No, KB looks way worse.
He's like Carabas.
Why does Big Cat have the arrow through his head?
What's that?
You know Big Cat. He's always pranking. Shit Why does Big Cat have the arrow through his head? What's that? You know Big Cat.
He's always drinking.
Shit.
Brandon, yours looks nice.
Yeah, mine looks okay there.
Maybe it's a sass.
No, I think it's good.
Brandon, you look 20 years younger.
You look significant.
I got wrinkles.
No, brother.
That's your best photos of draw.
Yeah, that doesn't look like me.
That's a drawing of Carab me. I just can't go.
That's a drawing of Carabas.
That's not KB.
They gave you Carabas hair.
That's for sure.
That's Wahlberg.
Yeah, you've never had that low of a fade.
I actually thought that was Jared at first.
I think it was a fire alarm.
Fire alarm, yeah.
Did it test?
Yeah, probably.
No, it's real.
Let's go.
It's never real.
If we sprinted out the door, do you think anyone would follow?
No. No. Sprint it in like a panicky way. No. Not from here. Let's go. It's never real. If we sprinted out the door, do you think anyone would follow? No.
No.
Sprint it in like a panicky way.
No.
Not from here.
They wouldn't see it.
Yeah.
You especially know.
What if we went over and we grabbed it?
You're running around doing random shit all the time.
You sprint everywhere.
Yeah, you were doing cartwheels yesterday.
Round off.
That he cannot do a cartwheel.
Do you have any idea?
Brandon, this excludes you because I'm assuming you would probably think like, think to grab your dogs and your family first in a fire.
Or not.
Or the bobbleheads.
Fair.
Cowbells.
What would you guys grab in a fire?
Well, he already told you.
He'd grab his hand for them.
PlayStation.
PlayStation.
Really?
Immediately.
See, I've come to learn that PlayStations are quick and easy to get.
True.
You just send out a tweet and you're like, hey, this is another PlayStation 4.
You've come to learn.
Followers.
And then they're like, oh. Something that everyone can do. I thought you meant they were quick to get. True. You just send out a tweet and you're like, hey, this is PlayStation 4 and we have followers.
And then they're like,
oh. Something that everyone can do.
No, because people
have PlayStation 5s
and then they just have
PlayStation 4 lying around.
Yeah, I know.
I get it.
Well, I would just grab
my computer and my PlayStation.
Don't you guys have
renter's insurance?
No.
It barely works.
I'm just saying what I would do
if there's a fire,
like immediately,
like the things that
if you have nothing,
like I'd rather at least
have something to keep me busy. You know want to you want to hear something i've got
my model plane i've got my skincare routine you want to hear something rotten toothbrush
i just of course you know of course you know i just moved oh yes and uh they informed me i will
not be getting my deposit back and and they said and and they said that they want to charge me for the decondition of the rug,
even though they're ripping out the rug.
And they're ripping out the stove, saying that the stove wasn't maintained.
And the stove is 20 years old, more than 20 years, probably 40 years old stove.
And it was like so hot that it was almost dangerous.
Are you going to fight it?
Take him to court.
Yeah, let's go to civil court.
That would be great content. I mean, they're just
such crooks. You know the court system.
Yeah, you do. He probably
would win. Yeah,
I just don't want the hassle
of it. Yeah, you just want it to be the best. I get it.
How long were you there, Frank?
13 years. 13 years?
And they won't give you your security deposit back?
Yeah. That's crazy. What was your... You paid that 13 years ago? Yeah? And they won't give you your security deposit back? Yeah. That's crazy.
What was your...
You paid that 13 years ago?
Yeah.
How much was it?
$30?
Yeah.
It was like three wooden nickels.
It was $1,413 a year.
Oh, my God.
Holy crap.
That's expensive.
13 years ago was...
We need that back.
2008.
2009.
2009.
It was in the 80s. Well, now my security deposit this time around was. 2008, 2009. That was in the 80s.
Well, now my security deposit this time around was $3,500.
Holy shit.
What?
They must know your trouble.
You're living in a bougie place.
He is.
I got a washer-dryer unit, dishwasher unit.
Oh, that changes your life.
That changes your life.
Oh, it does. I just got a dishwasher in my last apartment for dishwasher, unit. Oh, that changes your life. That changes your life. Oh, it does.
I just got a dishwasher, my last partner for the first time.
Very nice.
I have never used a dishwasher before.
Amazing technology.
How often do you use it?
Every night.
Every night? Nice.
I never had one.
What?
I don't mind a dishwasher.
Michael Orr is astounded by it.
And having a washer
and dryer in uni
I mean
I hate
I hate laundromats
so much
yeah
they're expensive too
yeah we
I know
we used to have
I'm going from having
a washer and dryer
to now not having one
so I have to go back
to the laundromat
you had a washer and dryer
at your old place
it was
you had to run the dryer
like 15 times
for it to like
get to damp
was it in the building?
No, it was in our apartment.
What?
Are you confusing it with the washer?
No, we had a washer and dryer.
We've been using them backwards.
Somebody switches the labels on them.
The shit would never dry.
That would work on me.
It would work on me.
I don't know.
It would never dry.
And then it broke towards the end.
You should just pay
to get it done.
It's actually pretty cheap.
Yeah, it isn't bad.
Dollar a pound.
I'm just going to bring it
to a wash and fold.
Yeah, that's what I do.
Yeah, a wash and fold
is the way to go.
They pack those things.
They pack that shit.
You'll come with like
a massive bag of clothes
and they hand it back
and it's like this big.
Yeah, it's insane.
They're permanently wrinkled.
It's like Wally
when he takes in the trash
and like crushes it down.
My t-shirts are
fucking pleated now, dude.
Except they sent my clothes just to the wrong apartment.
Yeah, that happened to Chef Donnie.
I just go and pick my shit up.
Yeah, I pick it up too.
I don't try to.
Yeah, I didn't even get it delivered.
They just sent it somewhere.
Yeah, that's fucking scary.
They gave me a list of four addresses.
Because that's exactly what happened to Chef Donnie, right?
Yeah.
It was the first one I went to.
I just knocked on this dude's door. That's kind of fun. You can make a day out of that. No, it was the first one I went to. I just knocked on this dude's door. That's kind of fun.
You can make a day out of that.
No, it was the first one I went to.
I just knocked on this dude's door
and he was like,
yeah, this is your bag.
He's wearing one of your...
He's wearing...
No, bro, I don't know
what you're talking about.
All your clothes.
I would be pissed.
I would keep searching.
I would make him
give me a clue.
I'm going to steal something
from you and give it
to a random person.
You have to find it.
Okay, you got to give me
a clue, though. I gotta give me a clue though
I'll give you a good clue
Not too hard, not too easy
Oh man, there will be no clues
You all ready to go?
Seems like you are
Brandon, did you not think we were riffing?
I was having a good time
Oh, no, I'm sorry
Did you guys feel, that was a good riffing
I've had a great time
I love chatting with you guys.
Oh, he's sucking his teeth at you.
Yeah, what the heck?
At the next Ruff and Rowdy.
Oh.
I just made noises.
All right.
Y'all ready to go?
I don't know if you'd be able to fight in Ruff and Rowdy because there's bright lights.
No, I can't.
You're right.
You get a migraine?
I'm not.
The only thing I'm not allowed to do by my wife is fight in rough and rowdy.
You're in a constant fight with yourself.
I had to leave the wrestling show last night because the lights were too bright.
I was getting a migraine.
So I had to go sit out in the hall.
Do these affect you?
Bright lights.
Do you ever try getting some blue light glasses?
I have so many triggers that when I solve one, another you might have like late onset epilepsy yeah I
don't know I just get you can finally get a fit off that sucks because this is your life to be
like you're always in front of bright lights well for now Brandon you're always going to be in the
spotlight just get some transitions also these lights aren't that bright oh we'll turn them up
pretty bright yeah we'll turn them up see what these things can do Chicago Let's wash Nicky out
Crank them all the way
See his vascular system
Crank those things
This is hurting
Come on get me
This is how I look in real life
This is no filter
This is how we look
Crank them.
See what these things can do.
Oh, my God.
DJ.
Can't see anything.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
One of you twerk.
No, for real, for real.
It looked like a Cole Bennett video.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Should we wrap it up?
Yeah.
Anything you guys want to plug?
Just get the tickets
to the act show.
The dozen tonight.
Your scalp, Harry.
My scalp.
Very clever.
He's wearing...
Do y'all see
what he's wearing today?
Patrick?
Hey, Pat!
Look at him.
Look at that.
What's he wearing?
His shirt.
His jeans are hanging out. That's sick. God damn.. What's he wearing? His shirt.
His jeans are hanging out.
That's sick.
God damn. That's sick.
Oh, he's ready for the torso reveal.
He looks so sick.
I'm so jealous of that.
My God.
He's one fluid motion away from the torso reveal.
Everyone was saying how huge I looked in my skin-tight thermal until he came in.
Until he walked in.
Why are you wearing that?
You're just wearing a coat.
You're a fly as hell. I'm looking good. You're a creative character. Why are you wearing that? You're just wearing a coat. You're a lie as hell.
I'm looking good.
You're a creative character.
You look great, but that is a look.
You skipped the shirt.
Because you don't need one.
Why don't you unzip all the way?
Oh, right.
Whoa.
Jordan.
Jordan.
I don't want to, like, end up taking somebody's woman by mistake.
You know?
True. KB already did that by mistake. You know? True.
KB already did that to Nick.
I got more respect.
So, you know, out of respect to everybody, I come in here.
At least hot now.
That was real.
This is the new style, though.
Don't you like it?
Tell the truth.
I do like it.
You look great.
God damn, he's good.
See?
So all you have to say is this is the new style?
All right, bet.
He's a trendsetter.
Don't you feel dumb?
I think all the guys should.
I do.
I feel really fucking dumb right now.
Can all of you guys show up to work like that tomorrow?
No, I was saying we should all do that.
Why not?
I need the black bar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, we're not talking about it. None of that. We're just wrapping up. We're just wrapping up
Patrick, Tico
Sass, KB, Rudy
Brandon, Frank Fleming
Are you out?
Oh, Massachusetts
Jordan
Give me the heart
Massachusetts
That's some pluryship.
He's got a fear of phobias.
So I'm giving him lots of...
He has a fear of phobias?
Yes.
He actually does.
He has a fear of phobias, and he also has a fear of male love.
I don't want to go up too high.
I'm afraid I might be afraid of how high.
Which is true in some sense.
I just don't want to be afraid of spiders.
All right, we'll be back tomorrow.
Follow Rudy on Instagram, Funny Instagram Stories.
Jordan, you rebranded.
You're going with Obsessed, right?
Yeah.
Follow that.
Frank, you reviewing any dogs lately?
There'll be a hot dog review out tomorrow.
Is there a new wrestling out, Brandon?
There is.
There's an interview with Cody Rhodes right now.
That's right.
See, look at me go.
Hell yeah.
Already listened to the whole thing.
Yeah, that's a gay one.
It's very gay.
And you have a show Saturday.
Wait, wait, wait.
Patrick.
Sorry, boys.
Sign us off with twerk.
Twerk for us, Pat.
Turn it up blue.
Make it blue.
No, you got to.
What happens when Pat goes negative?
I got twerked.
Wait.
We're going to change the...
I need to figure this out.
Hold on.
Because we go blue.
Yeah, look at him.
Wait, no, no, no.
Hey, listen, I'm not my sister.
It's the great equalizer.
I'm not my sister.
God damn.
Blue fan.
That's a yak.
I was expecting you to say no.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah. Thank you, guys. We're doing Yankees. It's the act. It's the act.
Follow us on TikTok.
Yo, Dimitri Zimbo on TikTok.
Follow that.